#5. Efficient delivery

[adeelseo]

Roadrunner Tracking

[a-d-nox]

web of wyrd: the career number

the number we are focusing on today is based on the SACRAL PHYSICS NUMBER AND THE FLOW NUMBER (ex: my career number is 7: 8 + 17 = 25 -> 2 + 5 = 7 (recall that numbers must be summed a second time if they total 23 (i.e. 2 + 3 = 5) and above)). for some reason this is a calculation error in my astro-calc chart - my monetary number and relationship numbers are swapped (don't be afraid to question your numbers and check the math of websites).

but what does this number mean?

this number represents your career and monetary situation in this lifetime. that being said, this number can give you insight into what you can do for a career long-term, what you are like at work (your strengths and weaknesses in the workplace), and your monetary mindset.

so let's talk about some examples:

7 - the chariot

click here for the card description of the chariot found in a prior wyrd web post.

for unblocked 7s it is important to maintain focus, have clear intentions, and a plan in their line of work. they often work from the bottom up - they start in an entry level position then come into power (in some theories, the charioteer was both the page of swords and the page of wands before they came into power in the major arcana). often it is their careful planning and plotting that gains them their success.

blocked 7s often lack confidence at work and fear being talked down to / judged for their actions. they often lack focus and direction, which causes them financial stress. they are in need of careful planning and reflection to get out of their burdensome situations. they should try to be less impulsive and more intentional at work and when searching for jobs in order for them to find what works for them.

careers for the charioteer are chauffeur, delivery driving (UPS, amazon delivery, mail, etc), military services, pilot, police men, emergency services (firefighting, EMT, etc), security guard, equestrian, chemist/pharmacist, chef/cook/baker/nutritionist, political diplomat, marine biology, phlebotomist, ship captain, babysitter/nanny, hotel manager, housekeeper, fisherman, fertility specialist, farmer, land baron/baroness, pottery maker, plumber, real estate agent, and other related fields.

14 - temperance

rider-white's temperance (symbolic of sagittarius) depicts an angel facing the view with their eyes shut. their purple-y/red wings emphasizes their passion for the mystical as well as harmony. their golden curls are haloed showing that the angel is an enlightened being. they stand in a white (innocence) robe with one foot on land and the other in water - which shows they are connected to the emotional and the physical world. water seamlessly flows between the cups, meaning to show the flow of energy in life forces. a sun (alludes to the sun card) rises in the distance and illuminates a path for the angel to take. the irises to their [the angel's] right show that they have the wisdom needed to take on whatever gets in their way on this journey.

unblocked 14s seek help from those around them so that they can reach their monetary and career goals. they look for signs as to what they should act upon in their career and as to what they should do for their long-term career. they are flexible at work and are often very even-keeled. they are patient at work and when it comes to making money.

blocked 14s often try very hard at work and to make a lot of money - they can be too hard on themselves and their co-workers. they might struggle with relaxing - they have a lot of monetary stress. they have to realize that being overworked does not mean they are working efficiently/effectively. look at you schedule / your role and try to find ways to slow down so that you can realign with your values and goals.

careers for the angelic temperance person are medical careers (doctor, nurse, etc), pharmacist, scientist, librarian, life insurance agent, marketing/advertisement, air steward/stewardess, attorney, banker, religious leader, teacher, philanthropist, philosopher, publisher, podcaster, radio show host/hostess, writer, and other related fields.

18 - the moon

rider-white's the moon (symbolic of pisces) depicts one wild dog/coyote and one tame dog (the duality of human nature) barking at the moon or rather an eclipse. behind and between the two dogs is a lobster - the lobster is a bottom feeder of sorts, thus could represent the shadow self. the lobster emerges from the water to walk a moonlight/guided path through the mountains similar to how the hermit once walked the mountains - thus alluding to the lobster doing self-discovery / the quartet doing shadow work. first the lobster must walk between the rebuilt towers - likely face personal change.

unblocked 18s embrace their darker selves when in the workplace - they are okay with failing and having weaknesses. they see it as room made to grow/evolve. while they know how to be civil, they also know when to be impulsive and aggressive to get things done. they are open to others ideas - they are open to learning what they perviously didn't know before. they are ambitious and want to go outside the scope of what they are already know. they don't fall for things that sound too good to be true in their financial realm. they are willing to confront why they maybe the ones in their own way of gaining more money, getting a raise, etc.

blocked 18s often refuse to acknowledge that they are in a career that is making them unhappy or is not compatible with their monetary lifestyle. they might be the type to ignore their debts for awhile or to the point where it gets bad and they struggle to catch up / recover. they are also prone to falling for "get rich quick" schemes; they also might struggle with gambling - the might not know how to walk away when they have made money back / are gaining. they hate failing at things or having weaknesses in the workplace. they are prone to staying in a job that is comfortable for them without growing or accepting promotions. don't be afraid to break free.

careers for the moon are night club owner/manager, psychic, doggie daycare center management, dog kennel owner, dog breeder, night club performer, professional water sport athlete, alcohol vender, sommelier, marine biology, art therapist, artist, bartender, mental health professional, chemical engineer, detective, drug manufacturer, life guard, prison guard, private investigator, relief worker, writer, and other related fields.

like what you read? leave a tip and state what post it is for! please use my "suggest a post topic"! button if you want to see a specific pac/pile next! if you'd like my input on how i read a specific card or what i like to ask my deck, feel free to use the ask button for that as well.

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© a-d-nox 2023 all rights reserved

[lila-lou]

✨Needy - Pt. 4/5✨

Summary: This is part 4 of "Needy"

Pairing: Jensen x PregnantReader

Warnings: ANGST!, Pregnant reader

Word Count: 4575

A/N: English isn’t my first language, so please be lenient. 💙✨

Once in the labor and delivery ward, the medical team sprang into action. They guided you to a delivery room, helped you onto the bed, and began monitoring your vitals and the baby’s heart rate. Jensen stayed close, his eyes filled with concern but his demeanor steady and reassuring.

The doctor on call arrived promptly, her face a mix of professionalism and empathy. “Hello, I’m Dr. Martinez”. She took a quick glance at the monitors and then turned her attention to you. “We’re going to take good care of you. I need to check a few things first”.

Dr. Martinez performed a thorough examination, her hands gentle but efficient. The monitors beeped softly in the background. Jensen stayed close, his hand tightly holding yours, offering silent support.

“You’ve done the right thing coming in”, Dr. Martinez reassured you both. “Since your water broke early, we’ll need to keep you here for close monitoring. We want to ensure both you and your baby are safe”.

You nodded, trying to process everything. The reality of the situation was daunting, but the doctor’s calm demeanor and Jensen’s unwavering presence gave you a semblance of reassurance.

As Dr. Martinez continued her examination, another sharp pain radiated through your abdomen. You gasped, gripping Jensen’s hand tighter. “Another contraction”, you managed to say, your voice strained.

Dr. Martinez’s expression remained focused but calm. “I can see that”, she said, her eyes on the monitor. “We’ll need to administer medication to help slow the contractions and steroids to help your baby’s lungs develop more quickly. The goal is to keep the baby inside for as long as possible to give them the best chance”.

The nurses moved swiftly, setting up an IV and preparing the necessary medications. The contraction slowly ebbed, leaving you exhausted and breathless. Jensen leaned in, his forehead gently pressing against yours. “You’re doing amazing”, he whispered, his voice filled with love and pride.

Dr. Martinez finished her examination and stepped back, giving you a reassuring smile. “We’re going to monitor you closely. The medications should help, but if you need anything or feel any changes, let us know immediately”.

The room settled into a quieter rhythm, the beeping of the monitors providing a steady background noise. The nurses adjusted your position to make you more comfortable and dimmed the lights slightly to create a more soothing environment.

Jensen sat beside you, his hand never leaving yours. Despite his obvious exhaustion, he remained focused on you, his eyes filled with unwavering support. “I’m right here”, he repeated softly, his thumb rubbing gentle circles on the back of your hand.

The minutes passed slowly.

Despite the initial signs of hope, the contractions began to pick up again. You could see the worry in Jensen’s eyes each time you squeezed his hand tighter in pain. He stayed strong for you, his words of encouragement a lifeline in the midst of your fear and exhaustion.

Eventually, Dr. Martinez returned, her expression more serious this time. She approached the bed and gently placed a hand on your shoulder. “I’m sorry, but the medication isn’t working as well as we hoped. The contractions are continuing to progress”.

Your heart sank at her words, the reality of the situation hitting you hard. Jensen’s grip on your hand tightened, his eyes filled with concern and determination. “What does this mean?”, he asked, his voice steady despite the fear you knew he was feeling.

Dr. Martinez took a deep breath, her demeanor calm and professional. “It means that we need to prepare for the possibility that your baby may come sooner than we planned. We’re going to do everything we can to ensure a safe delivery for both of you”.

Tears welled up in your eyes, the uncertainty of it all overwhelming. Jensen leaned in, his forehead resting gently against yours. “We’re going to get through this”, he whispered, his voice filled with unwavering resolve. “You and me, together”.

Dr. Martinez continued, “We’ll increase the dosage of the steroids to help the baby’s lungs develop faster, and we’ll keep monitoring both of you very closely. But we’ll be ready for an early delivery”.

The medical team moved with renewed urgency, adjusting your medications and preparing for every possible outcome.

As the hours dragged on, you felt a mixture of fear and determination. The contractions were relentless, each one a stark reminder of how early it was for your baby to be born. But Jensen’s unwavering support and the professionalism of the medical team gave you the strength to keep going.

At noon, after hours of relentless contractions and mounting exhaustion, you finally managed to get some sleep. Jensen had been reluctant to leave your side, but you insisted he get something to eat and take a moment to rest. With a kiss on your forehead and a promise to be back soon, he reluctantly agreed.

As you drifted into an exhausted slumber, Jensen settled onto the couch in your room. Despite his fatigue, he remained vigilant, occasionally closing his eyes but never fully succumbing to sleep. The steady hum of the monitors and the gentle footsteps of the medical staff filled the room, a constant reminder of the careful watch being kept over you and your baby.

The hours passed quietly. The nurses switched shifts, seamlessly continuing the diligent monitoring of your condition. They moved around the room with practiced ease, checking your vitals and adjusting medications, all while ensuring you remained as comfortable as possible.

From time to time, you woke up briefly, the contractions piercing through your sleep. Each time, a nurse was there, her calm voice and gentle touch helping you navigate the pain. Jensen would rouse from his light doze, his eyes immediately finding yours, offering a reassuring smile before you both drifted back to a light sleep.

In the late afternoon, the contractions began to grow more intense and frequent again. You felt a sense of urgency building within you. As another wave of pain gripped your abdomen, you let out a soft moan, waking Jensen with it.

He was at your side in an instant, his hand enveloping yours.

Dr. Martinez entered the room, her expression serious but calm. “How are you feeling?”, she asked, her eyes assessing you and the monitors.

“The contractions are getting stronger”, you managed to say through gritted teeth.

Dr. Martinez nodded. “We’re going to check your progress”, she said, donning gloves and positioning herself to examine you. After a few moments, she looked up, her expression thoughtful. “You’re dilating more rapidly. We need to prepare for delivery”.

Tears welled up in your eyes as you sniffed, the reality of the situation hitting hard. “But it’s too early”, you said, your voice trembling with fear.

Dr. Martinez gave you a reassuring look, her eyes filled with empathy. “I understand how scary this is, but I want you to know that at 32 weeks, your baby is already quite developed. His lungs may need some support, but with the right care, he has a very good chance of doing well. We’re going to be monitoring both of you very closely”.

Jensen squeezed your hand, his presence a calming anchor in the storm of emotions swirling around you. “We’ve got this”, he whispered, his voice filled with determination.

The contractions grew stronger and stronger, each one a wave of intense pain that seemed to engulf you completely. Time seemed to blur, and before you knew it, it was already 11 p.m. The hours had slipped by in a haze of pain and determination.

Dr. Martinez returned, her expression focused as she examined you again. “You’re making progress”, she said, her voice calm but firm. “But it’s not quite enough yet. We need you to keep going, just a little longer”.

You felt utterly exhausted, your body weak from the relentless pain and the effort of labor. Tears of frustration and fear welled up in your eyes, and you looked to Jensen for support. He was right beside you, his eyes wide and alert despite the exhaustion etched on his face, fueled by the copious amounts of coffee he had consumed to stay awake and present for you.

“I know it’s hard, but you’re so strong. We’re almost there”. He brushed a strand of hair away from your sweaty forehead.

You nodded, trying to draw strength from his words and his unwavering presence. The pain was overwhelming, but you focused on your breathing, on Jensen’s hand holding yours, and on the knowledge that each contraction brought you closer to meeting your baby.

Minutes turned into what felt like hours, each contraction testing the limits of your endurance.

It was 2 a.m. when the nurses began to prepare the room for the imminent delivery. The atmosphere was charged with a mix of anticipation and professionalism. Medical supplies and equipment were carefully arranged, ready for any potential complications with your baby’s lungs, a precaution due to the early delivery.

Dr. Martinez entered the room once more, her presence a comforting constant amidst the chaos. She approached you with a calm, focused expression. “Let’s see how you’re progressing”, she said, her voice steady.

You were exhausted, every muscle in your body screaming with fatigue, but you managed a nod. Jensen’s hand tightened around yours, his eyes never leaving your face.

Dr. Martinez conducted her examination, her brow furrowing slightly as she assessed the situation. After a few moments, she looked up, her expression one of determination. “You’re fully dilated”, she announced. “It’s time to start pushing”.

The room buzzed with renewed energy as the medical team sprang into action. The nurses adjusted your position, making sure you were as comfortable as possible, while Dr. Martinez explained what would happen next.

“You’re doing great”, she said, her voice filled with encouragement. “I need you to focus on pushing with each contraction. We’re going to meet your baby soon”.

Jensen leaned in close, his face filled with love and determination. “You’ve got this”, he whispered, his voice unwavering.

You took a deep breath and prepared yourself. The next contraction hit with intense force, and you bore down, pushing with all your might.

“That’s it”, Dr. Martinez encouraged, her eyes focused and reassuring. “Keep going. You’re doing amazing”.

Time seemed to blur again, each contraction merging into the next. Jensen’s presence was a constant, his words of love and support giving you the strength to push through the pain and exhaustion. Every push brought you closer to your baby, the thought of finally holding him in your arms driving you forward.

The room was filled with the sounds of the medical team’s focused work, the steady beeping of monitors, and Jensen’s steady voice. “Almost there”, he kept saying, his eyes never leaving yours.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Dr. Martinez’s voice broke through the haze. “I can see the head”, she said, her tone filled with encouragement. “You’re doing it. Just a few more pushes”.

Tears streamed down your face as you continued to push, your body feeling like it had reached its limit. Your hand, now weak in Jensen’s, trembled with exhaustion. The pain was overwhelming, and despite the encouragement from the medical team and Jensen, you felt a wave of doubt and desperation wash over you.

“I can’t”, you whimpered, your voice breaking with the weight of your exhaustion and fear. “I can’t do it”.

Jensen’s heart broke seeing you in so much pain, but he knew he had to stay strong for you. He leaned in even closer, his forehead resting gently against yours, his eyes filled with unwavering determination and love.

“Yes, you can”, he whispered, his voice steady and filled with conviction. “You’re the strongest person I know. Our baby needs you, and I know you can do this. Just one more push, okay? We’re so close”.

Dr. Martinez added her calm encouragement. “You’re doing wonderfully. Your baby is almost here. Just one more big push”.

You took a deep, shaky breath, before you closed your eyes, focusing on the warmth of Jensen’s touch and the steady rhythm of his breathing. As the next contraction hit, you summoned every ounce of strength left in your body and pushed with all you had.

Despite giving everything you had, the next push wasn’t enough to bring your baby into the world. The exhaustion felt insurmountable, and you felt the weight of your efforts crashing down on you.

Dr. Martinez’s voice cut through the haze, calm yet encouraging. “That’s it, you’re doing great. We’re almost there”.

You could feel Jensen’s hand nearly crushed in your grip as you summoned every ounce of strength for the next round of pushes. The room seemed to fade away, leaving only the sound of Dr. Martinez’s voice and the urgency of the moment.

“Push, push, push!”, Dr. Martinez urged gently but firmly, her words urging you onward.

With each push, you felt the strain in every muscle, the fatigue pushing against you like an unyielding force. But through the pain and exhaustion, the thought of meeting your baby fueled your determination.

“There’s the head!”, Dr. Martinez announced, her voice filled with encouragement. “Keep pushing, we’re almost there!”.

You felt a surge of adrenaline and pushed again, feeling the intense pressure as your baby’s head finally emerged. Every second felt like an eternity, the fatigue threatening to overwhelm you. But you kept pushing. And with after one powerful push, there was a sudden, incredible release of pressure, and you felt your baby slide into the world. The room was filled with a collective intake of breath.

But the momentary silence that followed was deafening. Your baby didn’t cry. He didn’t make a sound. Panic surged through you as Dr. Martinez and the neonatal team sprang into action.

“He’s not breathing”, Dr. Martinez said calmly, though you could hear the urgency in her voice. The nurses quickly took your baby to the neonatal table, their movements swift and precise. Jensen’s grip on your hand tightened, his eyes wide with fear and concern.

“What’s happening?”, you whispered, your voice trembling. “Why isn’t he crying?”.

Jensen looked at you, his own fear barely contained. “They’re doing everything they can”, he said, trying to sound reassuring. “He’s in good hands”.

The seconds stretched into agonizing minutes as you watched the medical team work on your baby. They were administering oxygen and performing gentle chest compressions, their faces masks of professional concentration.

“Come on, little guy”, Jensen murmured, his voice breaking. “You can do this”.

Dr. Martinez continued her efforts, her calm demeanor never wavering. Then, after what felt like an eternity, a tiny, fragile cry pierced the air. It was weak, but it was there. Relief and joy surged through you, and tears streamed down your face.

Jensen exhaled a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. His eyes glistened with unshed tears as he leaned down to kiss your forehead, his gaze never leaving the tiny, fragile form of your baby. His hand trembled slightly as he brushed a strand of hair from your face.

“He’s crying”, Jensen whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

The sound of your baby’s cry, though weak, filled the room. It was a beautiful, heartbreaking sound that tugged at your heartstrings. You looked at Jensen, his eyes reflecting the same mix of relief and concern that you felt.

The neonatal team continued their work, ensuring your baby was stable and breathing properly. Dr. Martinez moved back to your side, her expression reassuring. “He’s doing better now”.

Jensen’s grip on your hand tightened, his eyes never leaving your baby. “He’s so small”, he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

As Dr. Martinez and the nurses moved to fix you up, cleaning and stitching where necessary, your eyes remained locked on your baby’s fragile form. The emotions swirling inside you were almost too heavy to bear, and silent tears streamed down your face. Jensen’s grip on your hand tightened, his thumb gently stroking your skin in a soothing gesture.

“He’s so so small”, Jensen murmured again, his voice filled with a mixture of awe and concern.

The nurses worked quickly and efficiently, ensuring that you were as comfortable as possible while also preparing your baby for the next steps in his care. The neonatal team continued to monitor his vital signs.

“When can I hold him?”, you asked shakily, your voice barely above a whisper. The need to hold your baby, to feel his warmth against your skin, was overwhelming.

Dr. Martinez looked at you with empathy. “We need to make sure he’s stable first”, she said gently. “But I promise, as soon as it’s safe, we’ll let you hold him”.

Your heart ached with longing, but you nodded, understanding the importance of your baby’s health and stability. Jensen leaned in closer, pressing another kiss to your forehead. “He’s going to be okay”, he whispered, his voice filled with conviction.

The minutes passed slowly as you and Jensen watched the medical team care for your son. Despite the initial scare, his cries grew a bit stronger, and his breathing became more regular. Each small sign of improvement filled you with hope.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, one of the neonatal nurses approached you with a gentle smile. “He’s doing better”, she said. “He’s stable enough for you to hold him for a little while”.

Tears of relief filled your eyes as the nurse carefully lifted your baby from the incubator and brought him over to you.

It was the first time both of you were able to truly look at him. The sight of your baby connected to tubes and monitors broke your heart even more. His tiny cries echoed softly in the room, a fragile reminder of his early arrival. But as the nurse carefully lifted him and brought him closer, his cries began to quiet.

The nurse gently lowered your hospital gown and placed his little body on your bare chest. His skin was warm and soft, and you barely felt his weight. At just 1750 grams and about 41 centimeters when stretched out, he was incredibly small. But right now, he was all curled up against your chest, seeking comfort and warmth.

The moment he made contact with you, his tiny body seemed to relax. His cries faded into soft, contented sounds, and he nestled into you, his little hands curling instinctively against your skin. Tears of overwhelming love and relief streamed down your face as you held him close, your heart swelling with a mixture of awe and protectiveness.

Jensen leaned in closer, his eyes shining with tears of joy as he looked at your son. “He’s beautiful”, he whispered.

You nodded, unable to find the words to express the depth of your emotions. You gently stroked your baby’s back, marveling at the softness of his skin and the tiny movements he made as he adjusted against you. His breathing, though aided by the tubes, seemed steadier now, and you could feel the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest against yours.

“Hi, little one”, you whispered, your voice thick with emotion. “Welcome to the world”.

The nurse smiled warmly, her eyes reflecting the tender moment. “Skin-to-skin contact is very important”, she said softly. “It helps regulate his body temperature, heart rate, and breathing. You’re doing great”.

Dr. Martinez approached and looked down at you, her expression gentle yet optimistic. “He’s doing incredibly well”, she said, her voice filled with reassurance. “His lungs are stronger than we expected for a baby born at 32 weeks. If he continues to progress like this, we might be able to remove the tubes tomorrow”.

Relief and hope surged through you at her words. “Really?”, you asked, your voice trembling with emotion. “That’s amazing”.

Dr. Martinez nodded, a smile spreading across her face. “Yes, he’s a strong little boy. The initial struggles are common, but he’s responding well to the treatments and your care. We’ll monitor him closely, but I’m very optimistic”.

Jensen’s eyes shone with pride and joy. “Did you hear that, little guy?”, he whispered, his voice filled with emotion. “You’re doing so well. We’re so proud of you”.

A few minutes later, a nurse spoke up. “I’m sorry, but we need to put him back in the incubator now”, she said gently. “He needs to stay warm and continue getting the support he needs”.

Jensen’s face showed a mix of longing and understanding. He hadn’t even had the chance to hold his son yet, and you could see the pain of that in his eyes. You gave him a small, reassuring smile, knowing that his time would come soon.

You looked down at your tiny son, savoring the last few moments before he had to go back to the incubator. “We love you so much”, you whispered, your voice thick with emotion. “Stay strong”.

The nurse carefully lifted your baby from your chest, and his tiny cries resumed briefly before he was settled back in the incubator. Despite the brief time you had held him, you felt a profound connection that gave you strength and hope.

You watched with tears in your eyes as they wheeled your baby away, the incubator providing a cocoon of warmth and safety. The sight of his tiny form surrounded by the equipment necessary to support his early arrival tugged at your heart, but you knew it was what he needed to grow stronger.

After a few moments, the nurses gently helped you into a wheelchair, preparing to take you to your room. Jensen was right by your side, his hand never leaving yours. You could see the worry etched on his face, despite his best efforts to hide it. He tried to maintain a calm and reassuring demeanor, but the disappointment and concern were clear in his eyes. He wanted nothing more than for his son to be healthy and for you to be happy.

As you were wheeled down the hall, Jensen stayed close. He helped you settle into your room, adjusting the blankets and making sure you were comfortable. His movements were gentle but filled with a restless energy, reflecting his inner turmoil.

Once you were settled, Jensen pulled a chair close to your bed and sat down, his eyes meeting yours. “How are you feeling?”, he asked softly, his voice tinged with concern.

“I’m okay”, you replied, though the exhaustion and emotional strain were evident in your voice. “Just…worried".

Jensen reached out and took your hand, squeezing it gently. “He’s a fighter”, he said, his voice filled with conviction. “He’s already shown us how strong he is. And the doctors and nurses here are incredible. They’re going to take great care of him”.

You nodded, trying to draw strength from his words. “I just wish we could hold him. It feels so hard to let him go back to the incubator”.

“I know”, Jensen said, his eyes reflecting the same longing. “I haven’t even had the chance to hold him yet. But we have to trust that this is what he needs right now. He’ll be in our arms soon enough”.

The minutes ticked by slowly, the room filled with a heavy silence as both of you processed the events of the day.

“I’m so proud of you”, Jensen said suddenly, his voice breaking the silence. “You’ve been so strong through all of this. I can’t imagine how hard it must be, but you’ve handled it with so much courage”.

Tears welled up in your eyes again, and you gave him a small, grateful smile.

Jensen leaned in and kissed your forehead tenderly. “Try to sleep, baby”, he whispered, his voice soothing and gentle. “He’s in good hands. We need to be strong for him”.

You nodded, knowing he was right, but the emotions swirling within you made it hard to relax. Jensen stayed by your side, his hand still holding yours, offering silent support. You closed your eyes, trying to let the exhaustion take over, but your mind kept drifting back to your son.

As you lay there, you felt Jensen’s presence next to you, a comforting anchor in the storm of emotions. His thumb gently traced circles on the back of your hand, a rhythmic and calming motion that gradually helped you drift closer to sleep.

The room was quiet, save for the soft hum of the hospital equipment and the occasional distant sound from the hallways.

Despite the worry gnawing at your heart, the physical and emotional toll of the day eventually pulled you into a restless sleep.

Jensen stayed awake for a while longer, his eyes fixed on you as you slept. He brushed a stray tear from your cheek, his heart aching with the weight of his own emotions. He wanted nothing more than to see you and your baby boy healthy and happy.

Eventually, Jensen drifted asleep with his head resting beside you on the bed, his hand still holding yours. The emotional and physical exhaustion of the day had finally caught up to him, and despite his best efforts to stay vigilant, he succumbed to the need for rest.

After about an hour, the nurse returned to check your vitals. She moved quietly and efficiently, her practiced hands ensuring you were stable. As she looked over at Jensen, she saw him sleeping uncomfortably, his body awkwardly slumped over the side of the bed.

With a gentle smile, the nurse approached Jensen and softly touched his shoulder. “Mr. Ackles”, she whispered, her voice gentle and kind. “You should rest on the couch. You’ll be more comfortable there”.

Jensen stirred, blinking sleepily as he looked up at the nurse, then at you. He nodded, realizing she was right. “Thank you”, he mumbled, his voice hoarse with fatigue. He gently released your hand, making sure not to disturb you, and stood up.

The nurse helped him get settled on the small couch in the corner of the room. She adjusted a blanket over him and made sure he had a pillow for support. “Try to get some rest”, she said softly. “Your wife and baby need you strong and well-rested too”.

Jensen nodded gratefully, the weight of the day’s emotions still evident in his tired eyes. Even though you weren’t married, hearing the nurse refer to you as his wife stirred something inside him. It was a thought he had pondered before, but in that moment, the significance of it resonated deeply. However, he was too exhausted to dwell on it for long.

Within seconds, Jensen fell asleep on the couch, the blanket providing a small measure of comfort as he finally allowed himself to rest.

———————————

A/N: Please let me know what you think.🥰

-

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[loveinhawkins]

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The telltale catch in Steve’s breathing evens out far too quickly for it to be natural. Eddie can feel how he repeatedly holds his breath for a few brutal seconds at a time, trying to force his crying to a stop. It’s done so thoroughly, so efficiently, that Eddie is left with the unavoidable conclusion that it’s a practised skill; that at some point, Steve must have taught himself to cry silently—and to get it over and done with as quickly as possible.

Steve lifts his head up slowly from Eddie’s shoulder. He keeps his eyes low, looking down at the bed, and as he moves, he dislodges Eddie’s hold on him.

Eddie takes the hint and draws back. He’d been stroking one hand through Steve’s hair in a soothing rhythm, but it seemed so natural—done instinctively, almost unconsciously—that it’s only from stopping that he even realises he was doing it in the first place.

“Uh, sorry.”

Steve shakes his head, looks up to meet Eddie’s gaze with a weak but genuine smile.

“No, it’s… just don’t want to fall asleep,” he says. Then he seems to catch himself and amends, “Like, you can, obviously. Don’t let me—”

“Nah, it’s cool.”

Eddie takes his lead from Steve’s tone: that studiously casual air, back to normal, nothing to see here, just drop it.

He can hear the sound of nurses talking in the corridor, fading away as they walk past the door to Steve’s room. With the bedside lamp on, it feels suddenly like when he’d get up early for school in the optimistic first few weeks after summer: the world just on the cusp of waking up, still blurry around the edges.

Eddie squints in the dim light to read the clock on the wall. “Hey, you want food? Kitchens should open for breakfast soon.” Then, before Steve can reply, the thought hits him, and he rambles on, “Shit, I didn’t even—like, have they, um, cleared you for…?”

Steve laughs shakily, brushing away the remaining evidence of tears on his face. Eddie catches him giving a little self-directed wince as he does so, like he’s embarrassed himself, and the thought is quietly devastating.

“Yeah, I can eat. Got a whole bowl of mac and cheese after you left, actually.” Steve shrugs. “Doctors came in with all these charts and when they took the mask off, all I could think to say was ‘I’m starving.’”

Eddie snorts, remembering when he’d walkied Nancy for a food delivery. “Yeah, I get it.”

“Right? Glad someone does, they just stared at me like I was nuts. Still.” Another shrug. “I’m not exactly their first rodeo. Think I recognised some of them from way back, with Will. Guess they figured if I was eating it meant their drug cocktail was working.”

And Eddie knows that this version of events is no doubt highly sanitised—yet even with Steve’s nonchalant delivery, he gets the impression that whatever the doctors greeted him with had been less reassuring and more, you’re out the fucking twilight zone, kid, just be grateful and don’t ask too many questions.

“So, how was it? Give your compliments to the chef?”

“Oh, I, um.” Steve’s nose wrinkles, and he gives an endearing, slightly sheepish smile. “I don’t like mac and cheese, it was just leftover from… I wasn’t really in the position to be picky, you know?”

There’s a sudden, fierce swell of protectiveness in Eddie’s chest. “Well, fuck that. What do you want to eat now? Like, think world’s your oyster kinda shit.”

“Hmm, you might be overselling the options here. Honestly?” Steve pauses, heaves a sigh and says, heartfelt, “Toast.”

Eddie had been resolved to find it, no matter what had been said; hell, Steve could’ve said ‘caviar’ and Eddie’s pretty sure he wouldn’t even have batted an eye.

But as it is, the simplicity of Steve’s answer is unexpectedly moving—that, after everything, this is all he wants. Eddie’s already decided that this’ll be the best goddamn piece of toast in the history of the universe.

“Okay, but like, I need a guide, man. What’s your preference? Cremation levels of burnt or warm bread?”

Steve stares. “What?” His mouth is twitching, pulling up into a smile despite his still red-rimmed eyes.

Eddie sees his chance, and he plays up to it, quipping back, “You gotta give me something to work with.”

Steve laughs. Though it’s still on the quiet side, Eddie can tell it’s a good one, right from the belly. “Sorry, didn’t realise I needed a damn paint chart. Light brown enough for you?”

Eddie nods, carefully rises from the bed so as not to jostle Steve. “Your wish is my command.”

He brings back a plate of toast with entirely too many packets of butter, and Steve looks at him like he hung the moon; when he takes a bite, he says, “This is the best thing I’ve ever eaten.”

Eddie scoffs. “Think you need to raise your expectations.”

“No, I’m serious.” Steve makes a show of tilting the plate this way and that, like it’s on display at an art gallery. “You got the butter right to the corners; that takes skill, dude.”

“If you say so,” Eddie says, and he smiles behind his own cup of coffee.

There’s a gentle lull in the conversation for a few minutes, before Steve says, “You brought your guitar.”

“Yeah, I didn’t, um, really mean to? Just kinda jumped into my hands when I walked out the door.” Now back on the couch, Eddie makes an automatic movement for the guitar, where it stands propped up against the wall. Then he stops himself. “Bet you’re sick of my playing at this point, huh?”

His voice is still light, the perfect set-up for Steve to tease him back, but that doesn’t happen at all. Steve just blinks a few times, like he’s heard something confusing, then says, “No,” so simply that it threatens to put a lump in Eddie’s throat.

So he picks up the guitar. And because it’s second nature by now, feels as natural as breathing, Eddie doesn’t notice that he’s started to play Steve’s song, until he hears Steve give a sharp intake of breath.

“Shit.” Eddie nearly drops the guitar in mortification. “Steve, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t—”

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s—”

“Eddie,” Steve says firmly, “it’s fine. Please play it?”

And Eddie could never deny him. He doesn’t sing, though, has some kind of instinct that he shouldn’t—because Steve’s eyes start looking far-off about ten seconds in.

Where are you going? Can I help? Can I go with you?

His decision to not sing is soon proven to be the right one—otherwise he might have missed Steve saying, soft as sand, “How long did…?”

Eddie waits. He loses his place for a moment, skips to the chorus. “How long did what?”

But Steve is already shaking his head. “Never mind.”

And he quickly pulls himself away from wherever he’d gone, something dark and melancholy leaving his eyes in a matter of seconds—like it, too, has been forcibly pushed back. He’s not ready, Eddie thinks.

It’s okay. I’ll still be here when you are.

[brujamala-aka-gigi]

౨ৎ tarot services ୨୧

(( scroll down for the info because this is a really long post :(, I took the time to explain the readings and to make sure the services are highly customizable and fitting <3 ))

{ dividers by @h-aewo }

Welcome to my tarot menu ! <3

Before you get to checking what's there to do, I'd like to say that I basically been reading tarot's for most of my conscious life, and I've seen and heard plenty of different perspectives, situations, and so on. After that I came to the conclusion that the most important thing for me whenever I'm offering my reading services, is that you and I can sort of work together on how the reading gets done. My biggest concern when reading for others is that I can communicate the messages from the tarot in a way that's efficient for both of us. I'm always willing to learn and listen without judging, because that way both of us can know if it's really worth it to do the reading. That's the reason why I specify the length of the readings and the main idea behind them but I don't limit too much the possibilities of what can be asked specifically on that reading. If you choose to book a reading with me, we are doing some talking about what exactly you want from the reading you choose, before I actually get started with the whole tarot and divination part. When I read for others, I'm more concerned about respecting and embracing their experiences and thoughts when it comes to tarot, than to impose mine. Not everyone is down for a spiritual experience, not everyone needs the shadow work, or the practical jungian stuff, maybe you don't want to know about the future, or you do but only about the good, and so on.

●● How to Book a Reading:

I have to do some disclaimers first:

No readings about serious health issues, no readings concerning financial advice or legal advice.

Cash upfront, readings can be cancelled with a refund only before 2 days have passed.

You will get a total refund if I do not complete the reading before the agreed time.

I will ask for your name and date of birth, bonus points if you have your natal chart info at hand. Same if there's anyone else involved in the reading.

At the moment, I only take payments via Paypal.

I might write you during the process of doing the reading if anything major pops up and probably to tell you the approximate delivery time. And you can also feel free to hit up if something happens that you feel I should know of.

・✦ʚ♡simple questions♡ ɞ✦・

click on the word length to see an example of it.

●●●

✦ 1 Question - $1.50 USD

✦ 3 Questions - $2.50 USD

✦ 5 Questions - $4 USD

{delivery time usually takes less than 2 days unless I'm too busy, for an extra $1.50 I will deliver as soon as possible. Each question gets a 300 word reply.}

●●●●●●●●●

✦ Yes/ No questions (No explanation) - $0.50 USD

✦ Yes / No questions (Explained) - $1 USD

{these readings are delivered on the same day and as soon as possible whenever im fully available. the explained answer is 250 words long}

✦ Random Tarot Message - $0.50 for 100 words, $1 for 200 words

{no questions, i just shuffle my cards, and tell you what is essential for you to know depending on what i see from the tarots}

・✦ʚ♡Short Readings♡ ɞ✦・

These readings are at least one page long, but it's likely it will take one page and a half. they all cost $7 USD (it can take me a week maximum to complete this reading)

✦ Classic General Reading

Sometimes you need some help to see exactly where you are standing, and why you are standing there in the first place. This is a general analysis of how your love life, your career, the people around you, the challenges you are facing, the past and the future are affecting you right now. Anything major that you need to know of, will pop out on this reading.

✦ Comprehending Chaos.

The reading here is meant for conflictive situations or people. Basically, if you have a problem, this reading is meant to help you deeply understand the problem and see what are the possible solutions. This one is great for the more "mundane" situations. Not too much esoteric or deeply philosophical knowledge to expect here, instead, practical knowledge in order to get it together and move on.

✦ Decision making aid.

It's okay to go for the tarot if you need some help when making choices. This reading is not intended as something that will tell you what to do, it's not even focused on advice, but more so on all the things you might not be considering and the possible outcomes. The answers here are meant to give you more information on what you can control and to inform you on what you are not responsible for. Here, the objective is to give you the tools and the empowerment to make the choice, not to tell you what to do.

✦ What to do next.

On time to time, it's completely normal to feel stagnated and dissatisfied with your life. The idea here is that you get the key points and the questions to ask yourself in order to get out of situations like these. This reading is great for the calm and sort of boring moments after some shit went down or if it's been a while since you've felt contempt or satisfaction with your life.

✦Shadow-Work guidance.

Here I'm going to provide you with the key points to begin exploring your psyche and start a deeper processes of mental and emotional healing. This is not all that spiritually oriented, but more focused on practical solutions and gaining tools and knowledge to unlock anything that troubles your mind. We are not aiming to find the exact answers, but more so, the exact questions and the tools for you to find those answers.

・✦ʚ♡Love Readings♡ ɞ✦・

These readings take two full pages at least. These usually take between 5 days and 1 week and a half to be delivered, depending on my schedule and how much energy the reading takes, you will be informed on the delivery date. You'll see that these readings come with a starting price, and different prices depending on added length or add-ons, keep an eye on my blog for discounts on those.

✦ Situationship Reading - $10 / $15

We all been there and we all needed a second opinion, which we might or might not care about depending on how things are going with that special, sometimes toxic, person.

With this reading, at $10 you could get elaborate answers about things such as:

-What's the future of this relationship?

-What are their feelings towards you?

-Why are you attracted to this person and what does it say about you?

-Is it worth it to stay?

-What should you learn from this?

Now, for $15 you get to pick two of the following options for one page and a half worth of answers.

-2 specific questions about this person, with elaborate answers.

-A general reading on this person, including whats going on in their lives, their minds and what's coming for them in the future

-A reading from the "Short readings" tier, but more love oriented, if things with this person don't work out, or if you don't want that much info on them but they are lowkey part of a deeper problem that could be helped with a tarot reading.

-A combination of any of the above mentioned, but keeping the length in mind. ( 1 question about them and a short reading, a short reading about them, 2 questions and some stuff from the short reading, a general reading about them and a short one, etc)

✦Compatibility $10 / $15

If there's someone in your life who you caught your interest, this reading is aimed to explain why you are attracted to them, why you think of them romantically and weather or not it's worth giving it a shoot based on how compatible they are with you, and why things will or won't work out. You will get answers about what brought you together on the first place, and what about this relationship is meant to happen. This reading covers how compatible your love languages, you aspirations, your behaviours and your values are.

The $15 version includes one page and a half of the following options:

-A detailed relationship forecast and predictions on what will happen in the future.

-A reading from the "Short readings" tier, but more love oriented, if things with this person don't work out, or if you don't want that much info on them but they are lowkey part of a deeper problem that could be helped with a tarot reading

-3 questions related to this person or related to the relationship itself.

-A combination of the above mentioned.

✦Relationship check $15

If things are not going particularly well with your partner, or if there's something too odd about them at the moment, this reading is meant to get to the root of the problem and give you the knowledge to make informed decisions. Here we are not only focusing on the internal and external factors that could be influencing the relationship, but also on what is personally affecting your partner and you. This reading is three full pages long, as you also will be given advice from the tarot. I don't offer add on's for this reading as it's pretty deep, but you will get a discount if you choose to book another reading along this one.

Tarot decks available for readings:

feel free to request an specific desk to use or to avoid, or to ask any questions regarding the decks.

❁ Santa Muerte Tarot Deck

❁ Rider Waite Smith

❁ Night Sun Tarot

❁ Santa Muerte Oracle Deck

❁ The Great Esoteric Tarot

❁ Thoth's Tarot

❁ Nicoletta Ceccoli's Tarot

[samueldays]

Sam Reviews: Factorio Space Exploration

That's Space Exploration the factorio mod (played v0.6), not Space Age the factorio expansion coming soon. I have finally completed SE with the cooperation of two friends across 300+ hours, I don't think I would have bothered to finish on my own, but it was a fine reason to hang out and chat. I had fun, but it was very irregular fun between good bits (spaceships!!) and facepalm bits.

It's A Scale Challenge

Space Exploration is a scale challenge, and I lead with this because I find the documentation misleading. On the Getting Started SE wiki page, which is also linked from the SE mod page, it says:

Space Exploration is mostly a complexity challenge and not a scale challenge. It's completely possible to beat the game with only 20SPM, unless you play with a science multiplier. But it'll still be hard!

Similar descriptions abound. However, Space Exploration has individual technologies mandatory for victory that cost more to research than the entire tech tree of the base game up to and including the Rocket victory research.

It's even worse than that sounds.

"Cost more" can be calculated in a quick and dirty way that vanilla Factorio's Rocket Silo victory tech costs 1000 sets of science packs to research.

Its prerequisite Rocket Control Unit costs 300, and so on back down to basic Automation technology costing merely 10, all of which add up to 5750 in total.

Space Exploration has a mandatory 6400-cost tech, some 5000s, a 4000 and a 3200, several 2000-cost techs used as filler in an already overpriced and bloated tech tree, and a 8000-cost (max spaceship size) that's theoretically optional but avoiding it requires you to play Tetris with your size-constrained spaceship layout.

But the numbers are not directly comparable, and the more detailed count makes Space Exploration look even worse. "5750 sets" vanilla includes several early technologies where the set is a subset, even one single science pack, it costs 50 of [Automation Science] for basic technology and gradually fills out to the Rocket Silo costing 1000 of [Automation, Logistics, Chemical, Utility, Production Science] which is a set of 5.

Space Exploration, meanwhile:

Which is 5000 of a set that's twice as large as the largest in basegame, so more like a 10K victory tech compared to the 1K victory tech in basegame.

But that number still isn't a direct comparison, because the multi-striped science packs in there are high tier packs whose ingredients include lower tier science packs that also need to be produced. Deep Space Science 4 (the black stripes) is made with various input resources + a DSS3 pack, which is made with more input resources + a DSS2 pack, and so on. If you count the fifteen intermediate science packs, it's something like a 25K victory tech compared to the 1K in basegame.

There's numerous techs like this. If you ever play Space Exploration, I advise you to slice a zero off everything. Set the tech cost multiplier to one-tenth. It is severely padded.

Pretty Cool Spaceships

Spaceships are of course the big draw of Space Exploration, though they come pretty late in the game, and before them there's two other methods of moving stuff between planets: Cargo rockets and railguns.

The rockets are very fuel-hungry to launch and also "consume" most of their ingredient parts as stages. The delivery railguns can't move fragile objects or players, and are same-solar-system only. (They double as expensive interplanetary weapons!) Spaceships are reusable as long as you keep them refueled, and much more fuel-efficient, as well as being able to mount laser/gun turrets for defense if landing on a hostile planet. You can even put artillery in a spaceship, which my team used to create a very short-distance-hop spaceship that was more like a suborbital bomber/mobile artillery platform for clearing the hostile fauna off our home planet.

Eventually you get spaceships to transport stuff at custom speed and scale between planets, with the ability to build and design your own. Then, the ability to set spaceship automation with docking clamps and the circuit network, and can give a spaceship instructions amounting to "go to planet X and wait until your onboard storage has 40K Cryonite, go to planet Y and wait until your onboard storage has 0 Cryonite and your fuel tank is refilled". It's the Factorio experience of automating stuff you were manually handling before, but at the much larger scale of interplanetary transport.

Here is my mini-spaceship for personal transport between planets, used to go over and tinker with things, has a few chests but doesn't take bulk cargo:

The side notch is to help me align the refueling underground pipes.

The Mod Maker Is A Control Freak

In the base game you have the opportunity to research Logistics Robots, small flying drones that carry items around for you, making automated transport more convenient so you no longer have to weave together transport belts, underground belts, railroad tracks and other physically connected means of item movement in the infamous "belt spaghetti".

Space Exploration comes with a mandatory dependency on the Robot Attrition mod, which makes logistics robots randomly collide and explode destructively if you're using more than 50 of them. (There's more than 50 item types in SE, so you will want far more than 50 logistics robots.) You can't not include this other mod when playing Space Exploration. There is a game setting which looks like it disables robot attrition, but it actually only disables robot attrition in the starting zone.

"Surely there's another mod which restores robot functionality?" you might ask, since Factorio has a lot of mods. Not that I could find, possibly because Space Exploration is distributed under a "no modding my mod any further" licence, formally the Factorio Mod Limited Distribution Only Licence.

You may make alterations for your own private personal use only. You are not allowed to distribute any content from the mod, or anything altered or derived from this mod with the following exception: You may post partial modified sections of this mod in Earendel's discord https://discord.gg/ymjUVMv for the purpose of providing bug fixes or enhancements.

Binding or not, I think that's an amazingly dick move for your Cool Spaceships mod to degrade some unrelated basegame functionality and tell people they aren't allowed to post a modmod which restores that functionality.

In other control freakery, Space Exploration is flagged as incompatible with infinite resource supply/non-depleting ore patch mods for Factorio, because the SE modder feels it would ruin the intended balance of his mod. It's flagged as incompatible with teleportation mods, to force you to use rocket/spaceship transport. It's flagged as incompatible with waterfill mods to prevent you digging wells where the modder wants to enforce a logistic challenge of delivering water in barrels. It's even flagged as incompatible with some mods that change the stack size of some items, because the modder wants to ensure you are inventory-constrained and pay for logistics.

Bizarrely contrary to the spirit of modding, if you ask me, trying to enforce that the mod is played the specific way one person wants you to play it.

Padding, Filler, and Bloat

It's not just the tech tree that suffers this, it's many aspects of the mod, and I'm going to list enough of them to make this post feel ironically padded.

In regular Factorio, when you put a drill on an iron ore patch, it produces iron ore, which you put in a Furnace to smelt into iron plates.

In Space Exploration, when you put a drill on an iridite ore patch, it produces iridite ore, which you put in a Pulverizer to crush into... a random mix of crushed iridium, stone (waste byproduct), and iridite ore that you have to feed back into the pulverizer and try to crush again.

To me this is something I shouldn't have to interact with in Factorio, it should be pre-automated below my notice. If an input ore is not properly crushed in the crushing machine, the crushing machine should keep crushing it until it's crushed, rather than demanding extra player attention to its one job. Reeeee. I have no interest in my factory's machines having what is effectively a random failure chance at doing their job. There is no upgrade tech or better machine which gets rid of that random failure chance.

It might have been interesting with one processing step whose unique gimmick is a failure chance and a need to filter-loop the output back onto the input, but Space Exploration recycles this recycle gimmick over and over again to pad out different processing steps with "do it again".

-

Speaking of random failure chances...

In regular Factorio, the "science packs" are kinda high-level abstractions. You put together a pair of engines, several electronic circuits, and a handful of sulphur to create "Chemical science", which could be taken to vaguely represent a process of destructively testing or consuming something and measuring it.

In Space Exploration, the advanced sciences are data-driven, which is a cool idea. For example you put together plates of iron, copper, stone, plastic, concrete and iridite with a blank data card to create "Tensile strength data" and recycleable scrap, then you use the data card in another recipe to create "Material science" and also outputs "Junk data card" representing data you've already analyzed and can't learn more from, and then you put the junk data card into a spacecomputer to erase the contents and get back a blank data card again.

It's a neat abstract representation of science involving data collection and material testing, with a reusable computer component and am expended material component, and it's undermined by the fact that erasing junk data has a 30% failure rate. That's the chance that the Super-Engineer Protagonist, with nuclear reactors and supercooled computers, will somehow fail to turn a Junk Data Card into a Blank Data Card and will instead break the card. So the data cards are in practice still expended consumables; you'll need to produce millions of them.

-

In regular Factorio, the various grades and kinds of steel (high carbon, low carbon, stainless, etc) are abstracted into a single "Steel plate" item which has many different uses. Storage chests, trains, power poles, handgrenades, armorplating, automation robots all use the same Steel Plate as ingredient.

This design holds true across the game: items represent broad classes of a material, also machines are multipurpose and an "Assembler" machine can be set to make gears, wire, pipes, or other stuff by configuration. One Assembler turns iron plates into gears. The next Assembler combines gears and more plates into engines. The next Assembler combines engines and more gears into transport belts.

In Space Exploration, there's several machines which only have one use, and there's even items which have less than one use.

The only thing the Xray Observation Telescope does is produce Xray Observation Frame items, the only use for Xray Observation Frame is processing into Xray Observation Data, and the only use for Xray Observation Data is combining it with Microwave Observation Data, Infrared Observation Data etc. to produce Astrometric Science. That's also the sole use for those other Observation Datas. All the different wavelength telescopes, the different observation data items, and the different observation data frame items collectively serve one purpose when put together, so I count them as having a fractional use each. Someone call an editor, fucking cut these.

-

In regular Factorio, drills on a copper patch produce 1 Copper Ore per production cycle, which smelts into 1 Copper Plate.

In Space Exploration, drills on a beryl patch produce 1 Beryl Ore per production cycle, and 20 Beryl Ore smelts into 1 Beryllium plate.

(both ratios can be improved somewhat with Productivity Modules in your furnaces)

Which brings me back to the extremely overcosted science packs, because that blue-striped Astronomic Science Pack that you need 5000 of for the rocket victory? Its cost in raw materials for a set of 8 looks like this:

displaying 580 beryl plates instead of the 5800 ore needed, 725 per pack, plus some more for the data cards that don't calculate raw material correctly, adding yet another multiplier layer of bloated tech cost. I am infuriated by whoever wrote "not a scale challenge" on the Scale Challenge Mod which asks you to mine millions of ore to research a single technology.

Arcospheres

I have another post on these, so I'll keep it short: There is a type of special item necessary to win the game, which are only available in limited supply, which you can permanently lose by accident or bad luck.

The available supply is several times larger than what's needed to win, so I wasn't actually threatened by this, but I dislike it on principle.

Also, they're spoiler-enforced by the control freak modder who keeps the helpful information off the official discord, wiki, and mod page.

Verdict: Thumbs Down

I was suckered into this partly because I believed the "not a scale challenge" advertisement when my friend group was considering what to play next, and I regret it. Halfway through we felt it starting to drag, but we were having fun and community and spite so we powered through. This is a reason I have emphasised the bloat so much in my review. This mod really, really needs an editor to cut down numbers and cut out items and simplify processes so you can get to the Fun Spaceships part without so many Mine Literally Million Ore part.

[yandere-paramour]

What's Vivien's average workday like?

Vivien runs this plant shop like it's the Navy. It's literally his full-time job, his 9-5. He tends to work weekdays along with a delivery driver and a few teenagers who work the shop on Saturdays. The owner is super old and she only comes around like once a month because Vivien is so efficient she literally doesn't have to come any more often.

He spends most of his time potting and repotting plants, cleaning and maintaining the shop, cutting and arranging flowers, working with suppliers, helping customers, and generally everything involving running the business.

He basically scrambles around from the second the store opens to the second it closes. Sometimes he forgets to eat his lunch, but he tries to remember to drink water because how will the plants respect him if he waters them but doesn't water himself?

He's had this job since he was 15, and it pays slightly over minimum wage but he works enough hours that he is able to support himself. He was an extremely unhappy teenager, and this job gave him both some stability and a place to go after school that wasn't his corner of the group home.

His job is difficult and busy, but he really does love it. It has gone from a safe haven to his dream job and he would happily take over the shop from the old lady and work there for the rest of his life.

[kedohyri]

Elden Ring Runes – 100% Customer Satisfaction Guaranteed

Leveling up in Elden Ring requires time, patience, and skill; button-mashing won't get the job done. But there are helpful systems in place that can make the experience less frustrating. One such item is the Golden Scarab Talisman, which increases rune harvests from enemies. By effectively using this item, players can switch from long grinding sessions to an efficient rune farming method

[is-the-snake-video-cute]

Is it easier for a boomslang to envenomate someone who gets bit than other rear fanged colubrids since their teeth are larger? Or does that mostly rely on how big the snake is?

Boomslangs are always going to be a little bit garbage at envenomating people, just because rear-fanged venom delivery is a little bit garbage. They still need to chew on you, and it's always going to be awkward to get you far back in their mouth enough to get the job done, and they'll never be as efficient as a viper or elapid.

But! All that said, even small boomslangs are probably the best rear-fanged colubrids at envenomating people.

Part of that is because they're just big by rear-fanged colubrid standards. They're about 4-5 feet long on average, and at that size they find it a lot easier to chew on people than, say, a 1.5-foot hognose does.

But the biggest reason is indeed their fangs (and jaw structure in general). Boomslangs both have giant fangs for rear-fanged colubrids and can open their mouths really wide (these things are probably because they do love catching birds as adults).

I love boomslangs so much. They're so weird! Giant fangs and weirdly strong venom plus a smug little face - what's not to love?

[summerongrand]

6x02: Hammering in on 'The Hammer'

My episode recap ...

The opening is so unhinged. A flashmob for Daddy Cop. Please be for real 😂

Next up is Chastity and STR. Chastity is beautiful. We'll get back to her.

~~~

We've come to the first Chenford scene.

Lucy: You got a minute to talk? Tim: Uh, sure. There's nothing to talk about. You felt I undermined you at a crime scene to stop you from making detective. I explained that I didn't. Now we're moving on. Okay. This is (presumably) the first time they've seen each other since he gave her ultimatums the night before, then left her alone in the parking lot. Lucy's trying to open up to him; she's trying to make amends with a clearer head. It's the mature thing to do. He leads her on with the affirmative "Uh, sure" and closes off completely. Tim is being really dismissive here.

Lucy: Well, while I appreciate the efficiency, that's not how actual healthy communication works. Tim: Wow, that's not condescending at all. Explain to me what there is to talk about that isn't just a retread of what I just efficiently covered?

Tim shut her down with the "Now we're moving on." And now Tim's rolling his eyes at her, looks annoyed the whole time he's talking to her, sounds annoyed, and meanwhile Lucy's talking to him calmly and trying to get him to open up. How is Lucy the one being condescending, Tim?

Lucy: Well...that's not the point. Look, if I have to start another deep undercover assignment, there are real issues here that we need to talk about. Tim (full of irritation and eye rolls): Which we will deal with if they come up then. I gotta get to work. Have a good shift.

Also Tim: Presses his body weight against the door so that it shuts in Lucy's face.

The point is to talk about the UC issues before Lucy goes UC. She didn't have much lead time prepping for her other UC ops. Tim is a total planner but he's so feelings-avoidant about this issue that he'd rather just stuff it down and let it go unresolved than process them with Lucy. Tim conveniently uses work as an excuse when it suits him. His body language, tone of voice, and door slam are not it. Lucy deserves much better treatment.

~~~

STR/Chastity/Lucy scene

Lucy's ruminating. She's going through her detective's exam in her head. She's in her predicament because she helped Tim in her 5 Player Trade. Meanwhile, the writers are like ... let's take her out of her concentration with a little zaniness.

~~~

Chenford/Angela scene

Okay, first of all, where did you come from, Eric Winter? You popped out of nowhere, not from underneath a doorframe, so were you leaning against that window ledge...? And now you are interjecting yourself into their conversation. What happened to "I gotta get to work. Have a good shift."?

It's on Tim for not telling Lucy that The Hammer is a 6'7" 300 pound guy who likes to fight cops. If he told her, she wouldn't have the resistant reaction she did. To echo Lucy: Well, while I appreciate the efficiency, that's not how actual healthy communication works.

Tim: Okay, do you want my help or not? Also Tim: Whateverrrrrr. And Tim: I knew you weren't gonna be able to let it go.

Well, that's not condescending at all, Tim. You slammed the door in her face that same morning and now you're telling her that she can't regulate her emotions. This is the kind of argument that should not have happened in front of Angela at all.

~~~

Chenford hallway scene

Lucy: Well, after you Tim: No, ladies first. Also Tim: Pushes Lucy towards danger.

And Tim: Guess you're gonna have to fight him.

So Tim tells Lucy he'll go with her to visit The Hammer. Then he doesn't give her the lowdown of how big The Hammer is. Now he pushes his girlfriend towards The Hammer and tells her she has to fight him. There is zero humor in Eric's delivery. And Mel's exasperated reaction is a tell that Lucy took his words seriously. Why is Tim doing this to Lucy?

Lucy's "are you okay?" is incredibly soft. She's so pure in heart.

~~~

Wedding prep scene

Tim: We're great when she's not accusing me of made-up transgressions. Lucy: Look, I'm not imagining things. Tim is traumatized by what happened with Isabel. He just won't admit it. Tim: Honestly, I think she's projecting or just using this as an excuse.

Tim is totally throwing shade at Lucy's character. Meanwhile Lucy's trying to help him by figuring out what's going on and getting to the heart of the issue. He's accusing her of falsifying, projection, and using him as a scapegoat because she doesn't want to go UC/Detective. Why are you talking so much crap about your girlfriend, Tim?

~~~

Let's analyze this Chastity/Lucy part for a moment. Chastity (to Lucy): Yeah, well, undercover work is kind of scary and dangerous. Maybe he's not the only one that's scared of what might happen.

The fact that I have to bring this up and highlight it means that network TV shows are not doing this nearly enough. And I haven't seen this mentioned in the fandom at all so I am going to, because it is important and needs to be acknowledged: this is a powerful interchange. What makes it different is that it's between two badass women of Asian descent on a network TV show that's marketed towards a general audience. And that's rare. Super rare.

Chastity barely knows Lucy and she clocked it. She validates Lucy's feelings about Tim while digging into Lucy's psyche and figuring out something about Lucy that Lucy in all her psych training, self help books, and being raised by two psychologists, couldn't. Tim who knows Lucy "too well" couldn't even clock it. Chastity could and did.

~~~

Chenford lie detector scene

Lucy: With a lie detector test? Tim: Yes!

Tim is so done with Lucy's questioning. But then he smiles right after his annoyed yes! This is Tim being able to convey nuance and his true emotions when he wants to. This wasn't there at all when he wanted Lucy to fight The Hammer. This needed to be there in that scene and for it to be nonexistent there tells me that he wanted her to fight The Hammer.

Lucy: Do you love me?

Tim's internal monologue: What kind of question is that? Of course I love you. I've been in love with you. You have no idea how much I love you. The fact that you're asking me this while I'm hooked to a lie detector tells me that maybe I'm not saying these words enough to you or maybe I'm not showing you enough that I, Tim Bradford, love you, Lucy Chen.

Also Tim's internal monologue: I've never been so sure of anything in my life.

Lucy: Do you want me to be an undercover detective? Tim: Yes. Lucy: You liar!

Clocked him, girly.

I do not think that this was their first I love you. Lucy's big question to Tim is the detective one. I do think that after their argument in the parking lot the night before, the ultimatums he gave her, and the way he treated her that morning, raised doubts in her mind.

gifs by @livelovecaliforniadreams

~~~

And then there's this scene. The first three seconds is the show taking advantage of Eric being a former model. It's just pure gratuitous panning (similar to when he adopted Kojo and was was walking down DTLA with him).

The lie detector test did nothing to resolve tensions between Chenford. If anything, I think Lucy was hurt by the truth, by Tim's treatment of her (dismissal, barking, shutting the door, denial, ultimatums), and by Tim's own projections of his prior relationship onto her. As soon as she catches his eye, she turns away. Well-positioned Lucy does not do that. Hurt Lucy does. Love that she has her new friend Chastity by her side. Even STR is more of a friend to her in that moment than Tim is.

~~~

The wedding ...

"Sit down, German! I got this!" Richard's pretty religious so I'm glad his character officiated.

~~~

The dance ...

I debated whether or not to split my analysis of the Chenford dance into its own post. I decided not to because I didn't want to dismiss the buildup, the angst, the importance of Chastity, and the lie detector that led to the dance. I also didn't want to take away from what Lucy and Tim went through as a couple by focusing just on the fluff.

(These gifs were made by @relentlessescapism)

Lucy does not appear to be having a good time here. There's something painful about Lucy dancing by herself. Her head is dipped, she has on a smile that doesn't reach her eyes, and they convey hurt. I see here a childlike quality to Lucy - she's always the one that helps others pick up their broken pieces even though she's just as broken the inside. It reminds me of @poppypickle's fic with her OC Miles Santos teasing Lucy and telling her to 'go back to where she came from' (it’s an offensive remark to an Asian person) even as she defended her friend. Like she's being strong on the outside but on the inside she's deeply hurt by Tim.

Clearly Lucy's being the bigger person here. Meanwhile Tim is all Mr. jaw clench and puffing his chest before he deflates. Is this a male ego thing? I dunno. Is it, Eric?

Lucy still has the same hurt look in her eyes. But she's also like, so ready to set aside the pettiness. She's like get over here, you idiot.

It's a little odd how Lucy is written. Just before they encountered The Hammer, she apologized to Tim. And now as they're dancing, she's thanking Tim for acknowledging that her dreams should be separate from his issues (like yeah of course they should be). I think Tim should be the one apologizing to her.

Throughout the dance scene, it appears that he has one arm around her. Also, she initiates the kiss. She's initiated a few of their onscreen kisses. Even the second first date one, he waits for her to kiss him. Like, why do you have one arm around your girlfriend when you're slowdancing with her? It doesn't affect blocking at all.

Love the huge grin that he uses on her (right before Aaron interrupts them). It's the same one from that 5x12 scene.

The rest of their dance is just pure fluff. Lucy and Tim making amends. Her reassuring him that she loves him, that they'll get through this, is reminiscent of 5x10(?) when they acknowledged that the only way to move forward was if he moved out of her chain of command, that breaking up was not an option. The banter about the lie detector was very cute too. Clearly their issues are still unresolved, but in that moment they just needed to be a couple.

If you want to read my thoughts about the last few scenes, here they are: optics, grabbing coats, and a friend's post which summarizes things very nicely.

[wings-of-ink]

Let's say Mc is pregnant with Ro's baby how would they react if Mc told them the baby is on the way?

Oh goodness, let’s see…

Oswin:  All business and duty. He has no less than 5 organized plans already thought up depending on where MC is and how quickly things are moving (and the time of day). He has supplies organized and ready to go for a home-birth or for MC needing or wanting to go elsewhere for it. He’s learned from his mother how to do the delivery himself, but he’ll go get MC’s chosen person himself if he needs to. Once MC and baby are for sure safe, he has a bit of a breakdown - the adrenaline crashes, suddenly he has just so much love, but also fear, but also elation. He’s crying.

Zahn:  Spazzing, but somehow still being very efficient. MC would have needed to teach them what to do, and they’re doing everything very quickly and talking through it incessantly. Every few minutes, they’re asking:  if MC is okay, do they need anything, should they get water, blankets, food, fire, MC’s parents? Very excited, very worked up. During the birth, they’re fretting for MC, after - finally whole and at peace.

Duri:  Nervous as hell. For once, they’ve gone quiet and are working through this with the MC on autopilot, doing what their told - no jokes, no games. They’re trying to keep it together for the sake of the MC, and nothing else matters to them than seeing MC through it. Their hands keep shaking. After it’s all done and they have MC and new baby, and they’re weeping. Duri tries to hide it, hold it in, they’re not supposed to cry…but they can’t help it. They’re happy, and they’re home, and they finally have a family.

Rune:  Confident as always. They know just what to do. They can help MC deliver themselves or get the midwife. They’re tracking everything with their magic and providing what comfort they can to the MC during labor and delivery. That confidence is slipping when it comes down to it. What if they screw it up? What if they misread something? Was their mother right? But once they snap their attention back to MC, the haze in their mind clears, they have to do this for MC. Once the baby is here, they feel such profound peace.

???:  They have a great deal of pride and faith in MC. They’re excited, a tiny bit nervous because how could he not be? Okay, maybe it’s more than a bit…Is this really something they should be doing? Can he be a father? This is actually happening. Right now. MC needs him - he can freak out later, it’s time to do what he does best….After the delivery, he’s very attentive and affectionate. Yeah, he can do this after all.

Thank you for the Ask, Anon! ^_^

Baby stuff is not my forte, so I hope these feel natural as far as that subject goes!

[sixhours]

Chapter 4 - The Ghosts of Babylon

Series Chapter Index | Read on AO3 | Complete

Rating: Explicit, 18+, here be smut and violence Series tags: Joel Miller x You, Joel Miller x Reader, Joel & Ellie, mostly follows canon, LGBTQ+ characters, y/n is bi/pan, y/n is ~45, violence, pregnancy, abortion, medical trauma, emotional trauma, panic attacks, sex work, suicide, smut, slow burn, angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort, romance, no use of y/n, reader has longish hair, Joel can lift you, smallish age gap (~11 years), I've probably forgotten some so please let me know <3

~*~

Jackson welcomed you with open arms.

They found you on the other side of Elk River, as you expected. It was easy to play the part of the weary traveler because that’s what you were for the six-weeks-on-foot trek from Kansas City to Jackson. When they sat you down in the interrogation room, you didn’t have to lie about the arduous journey. You turned in your weapons willingly and they didn’t ask to search your bag, which was fortunate–most of your cargo was repurposed radio equipment.

You got the impression the people of Jackson weren’t especially concerned about FEDRA’s influence. Being a thousand miles from the nearest QZ probably had that effect. What they didn’t know was that FEDRA had been setting up outposts for years; dotted along the highways, creating rough paths for delivery routes between the QZs, often cloaked as run-down gas stations or abandoned radio towers. The FEDRA network had grown slowly and stealthily thanks to people like you.

You were offered a home in exchange for work, given the pick of several empty houses that had been cleared for resettlement. You chose a light green, two-story cottage, drawn by the old-fashioned TV antenna springing prominently from the rooftop. That would come in handy.

You joined the town’s only other doctor, a 76-year-old man named Eric, at the tiny clinic just off Main Street and saw plain relief in the man’s eyes on your first day of work. It was clear they needed your experience. They didn’t have much compared to the hospitals in the QZ, but the clinic was efficient and clean. 

It was a straightforward assignment and you slipped into a familiar pattern: Ask around, ingratiate yourself to the community, find the people who made the decisions, and then…listen. You’ve learned that it rarely takes coercion to get people to talk here.

~*~

You sigh and drop your pen on the workbench, rolling your head on your shoulders. It’s two in the morning, and you have to be up at 5:30 to take over for the night shift, but you already know you won’t be able to sleep. You’re not used to it yet. Jackson is too quiet, too easy, too safe . Like a mirage in the desert, you keep waiting for it to evaporate into thin air, and yet, a month into this assignment…it’s still here.

You’d told your superiors about the girl on a hunch, and now they want more information. It’s not unusual for you to be asked to dig deeper into an individual, but you’ve never targeted someone so young. You suspect she’s the kid of some high-level Firefly but you don’t ask questions, you never do.

You spin slowly around in the creaking office chair, surveying the dormered attic where you’ve set up the radio and recorder. It’s filled with someone else’s memories, the usual forgotten fodder. Old trunks of graying yellow linens, a broken bicycle, a moldy dress dummy, and dozens of boxes packed with papers and books. Occasionally you paw through the latter looking for reading material–not that you’ve had much time to read.

Tonight your eyes settle on a box near the foot of the workbench, and you begin leafing through it, flicking aside dusty exam papers and report cards, drawings, construction paper turkeys and candy canes.

At the bottom of the box, you unearth a short stack of comic books. You take them out, brushing a thick layer of dust off the top, revealing the first cover: a monstrous creature with white wrinkled skin over a bright red mouth and four sharp teeth. The next book has a glowing UFO soaring across the starry sky and what looks like a fetus in a test tube, and the third shows a ghostly smeared handprint on a window.

You wrinkle your nose but tuck the comics under your arm, thinking they might be the kind of thing a 15-year-old would enjoy.

~*~

In the days after meeting Ellie and her father, you do some research. The pair first arrived in Jackson last winter, then promptly disappeared, the circumstances surrounding their departure mysterious enough to become a source of gossip. They reappeared the following spring, but no one can tell you where they’d been.

You learn that Joel works as a contractor and patrolman. He’s surprisingly well-connected in the Jackson hierarchy as Maria’s brother-in-law. He’s respected, but not exactly well-liked; he’s too reserved for that. You know he has an itchy trigger finger and a short temper, and the prominent opinion among many in Jackson is that his daughter is one of his few redeeming qualities.

And you know you don’t stand a chance of getting close to her without gaining Joel’s trust.

You’re turning this over in your mind during your shower one morning, staring at the water-stained floor in your tiny bathroom when you have a flash of inspiration.

~*~

Joel is visibly surprised to see you at his door that evening. His eyes widen, then narrow in suspicion.

“Just wanted to check in on my patient. How’s she feeling?”

He sucks in a breath, staring down at you with a sneer like you’ve crossed some deeply personal line.

“She’s fine,” he says.

“Joel?”

Ellie pokes her head out the door and sees you standing there with the comic books in your hands. Her eyes go wide. “Is that for me?”

“Hey,” you smile. “And yeah, I found these in my attic and thought–”

The girl shoves her way past Joel before you can finish, grabbing the books from your hands. She flips through the pages, frowning. “Aww man, I was hoping it was…something else. But these look cool.”

“I think this was some sci-fi show back in the 90’s,” you shrug. “I used to watch reruns. Seemed like the kind of thing you’d be into. If you like them, let me know. There may be more up there.”

“They look gross,” she beams at the cover with the white fanged monster, and you decide that’s a mark of praise.

“You done?” Joel snaps, still glaring at you.

“Actually, I have a question for you,” you say, turning back to him. “May I come in?”

Another pause, long enough for Ellie to dig an elbow into the man’s side. “C’mon, man. She’s a doctor . What’s she gonna do, bandage us to death?”

You smirk at this, raising your eyebrows in a silent question.

Joel makes a low sound in his throat. “Fine.”

The house is warm; spartan, but tidy. Not the bachelor-pad-slash-teenage wasteland you’d expected. You step into a small living room with an overstuffed leather couch, a small fireplace, and a coffee table. It smells like pine wood and fresh coffee.

Before you can look around, Joel is standing in front of you, broad-shouldered and scowling.

“So, I heard you’re a contractor,” you begin.

He blinks, expression blank, not offering anything further.

“And I…might have a job for you,” you continue. “My kitchen has some water damage on the back wall and ceiling. The bathroom floor feels soft, and I’m worried it’s not structurally sound.”

“Jobs go through the labor committee,” he says flatly. “Take it up with them.”

You wrinkle your nose. “I know…but it’s such a small thing. I don’t want to waste the committee’s time if it turns out to be nothing. And I don’t even need a builder, necessarily, just someone to take a look at the damage and confirm that my tub’s not going to fall into my kitchen next time I take a bath.”

Another long pause, Ellie looking back and forth between you as the pause unfurls into awkward silence.

“Ugh, he’ll do it,” she says to you.

“Ellie–” he growls a warning.

“God, and you say I have no social skills,” she mutters. “Just fuckin’ do it, Joel. Go help the lady with her kitchen or whatever.”

“Kid–”

“She saved my life, right?”

Joel rolls his eyes. “She didn’t–”

“And didn’t you try to, like, shoot her?”

He glares at you before turning back to her. “I didn’t–”

You watch this exchange with fascination, the easy way the young girl neatly dances around his protests.

She smacks him lightly on the arm. “When do you want him?”

The question is so abrupt, it takes you a hot second to realize she’s asking you to name a date. “Tomorrow? I have a shift until 7 but I can take a break to show you my place.”

Joel seethes at Ellie, but she grins, entirely unintimidated.

“Fine,” he mutters through gritted teeth. “Tomorrow. Five.”

“Great. It’s on Coburn, the third house on the left.”

He nods but doesn’t say anything further.

“Guess I’ll show myself out, then,” you say, turning back to the door. As it shuts behind you, you overhear Joel’s low growl.

“What the hell’d you do that for?”

Ellie’s laugh is the only response.

[howlsmovinglibrary]

Hello! I saw your response to the "5 things you could talk about for an hour" tag game, and I just wanted to say that I am in fact very interested in your perspective on how fandom/fanfic has impacted media literacy and the publishing industry, if you'd ever like to yap on Tumblr about it!

hmmm... other people have said it better than me in various different tumblr posts but I'm a yapper why not?

(under the cut to save a long post)

fandom/fanfic impacts on media literacy:

media is viewed through shipping goggles first and a critical lens second (both of them are allowed! i love my shipping goggles! but i also like having multiple tools of analysis in my arsenal!)

this also sometimes means that media devolves into relationships and 'fan service' moments, above plot or delivery of a good and satisfactory story (I'm not saying OFMD but I kind of am. I'm not saying BG3 additional content that has focused on popular characters and ships above incomplete and underwritten narratives... but I kind of am)

because fandom now also has a big purity culture kick back, and fandom has become mainstream, that means mainstream media also has a purity culture kick back (for instance, everyone performing scandalised and 'disgusted' reactions to Saltburn, when actually all that is is a... psychological thriller)

fandom/fanfic impacts on the publishing industry:

the Locked Tomb's popularisation of fic-ish writing, alongside the reylo fanfic boom (Ali Hazelwood serial numbers filed off -> romance pipeline) kind of coincided perfectly with the pandemic. as did the success of Travis Baldree's coffeeshop AU, Legends and Lattes. people wanted comfort media, but at the other end, publishing industry professionals were working from home and likely spread thin. I think this created a perfect storm for 'fast fiction' (like 'fast fashion') where basically a fanfic can be quickly changed into a book with minimal editing that doesn't matter anyway bc it provides a dopamine hit. None of this is inherently bad. I don't dislike fanfic-to-published-novel on principle. What I *hate*, is bad editing. Extremely high quality editing is what trad publishing has, in a way fic doesn't. Bc fic can be as long as you want it to be, and can linger, and can have fun - it's not designed for efficiency or quality control bc that's not the point. that being said... quality control can, in fact, improve a work's quality. but trad publishing doesn't have good editing anymore, bc the pandemic proved it didn't necessarily need it, and publishing companies love to not spend money on things, especially if it will make them a profit without that care or attention.

what i will also say, is there is a reason it's easy to file the serial numbers off. reylo fics are very far from canon, for a number of reasons. Legends and Lattes is a coffeeshop AU, without any character work. This doesn't mean they are bad. It just means they feed into a general trend of 'fic as tropes' - rather than 'fic as character study', for instance - which in turn means that romance in particular has also become 'romance as tropes' (or even 'romance as smut' which is another thing I have feelings about, bc bad editing + fiction as smut = really, really bad smut actually lads)

in general 'fiction as tropes' has then obviously been aided by tiktok as the primary marketing platform. rather than provide an explanation of your story, providing an explanation of its tropes encourages your book being read this way

another thing that has happened as a result of fic is 'queer rep' as being 'there is queer people in it' or 'there is queer romance in it'. again, not inherently a bad thing. i love a gay book. but gay and queer experiences exist on a spectrum. a book with queer MCs for the sake of having queer MCs may end up feeling tokenistic, if the writer has included queer rep for the sake of queer rep, or (and we need to admit this happens!) to be trendy!! to hit on the 'queer rep' zeitgeist!!! similarly, a queer book without any romance in it can still be queer, but gods forbid we have *that* conversation.

As I said, all of these things have been discussed in tumblr posts far better than mine. In terms of my personal experience - teaching undergraduate literature classes, this is what I've noticed:

because of fandom or social media with fandom lite edges, a lot of my students are very up-to-date on things such as intersectional feminism, gender performativity, compulsory heterosexuality, queer coding, etc. I don't need to define these terms, whereas they were defined when I was an undergrad.

however, the flipside of this is they often approach the texts I teach only with a contemporary mindset. The biggest example I have of this is Jane Eyre. Jane Eyre actually benefits from a contemporary mindset - after being heralded as feminist in the 1960s, intersectional criticisms in the 1980s/90s by postcolonial critics called out its racist treatment of Bertha Mason. BUT if I have to read another essay about Jane Eyre's relationship with Rochester being 'problematic', I will scream. Not bc I don't agree, but because criticisms of this novel need to also acknowledge that in the victorian era, such a blatant discussion of female sexual desire was radical for its time. That class and sexism was a big enough issue in the 19th century that for Jane to get to marry a man from the landed gentry on equal footing was a big deal at the time. It's fine if you decide Jane Eyre isn't feminist! but you need to prove that through multiple critical lenses and not just a jezebel-article style treatise. (for instance, one essay critiqued the male gaze in Jane Eyre... Jane Eyre was written by a woman looking very disrespectfully actually, and also... film hadn't been invented yet. while the male gaze existed in art, the normalising of female objectification, sexually, required film. also... the male gaze is a term that requires a man with eyes to be making that piece of art.)

the other biggest problem I have when teaching, is the 'queer character as queer representation' thing, and ESPECIALLY "good queer representation means morally good queer characters'. I teach Giovanni's Room. Anyone who has read Giovanni's Room, knows that the main character is both gay... and a bad person. That book isn't just talking about being gay, but about being closeted, trapped in compulsory heteronormativity, and also... 1950s racism. One of the biggest challenges for me as a teacher is to ask students "don't just tell me there's gay people in it, look at what those gay people are doing. is queerness portrayed positively or negatively? what aspects of the experience are being represented? do these aspects have value, especially when it is a queer artist making the art?"

(people also feel like they can't call a gay character mean or bad, because of the whole 'gay is inherently virtuous' part of fandom's mindset. spoilers: gay people can suck too. and are allowed to be portrayed as such in fiction, once you have a tool in your toolkit known as nuance).

anyway, aside from the fact it means i occasionally struggle to find good romance books bc I want not just well written sex but character development - which fanfic has! I'm not saying fanfic doesn't have it! but the fanfic that gets published sometimes doesn't, and certainly very rarely has both! - my teaching is absolutely where I see fandom's impact most clearly.

[andmaybegayer]

Last Monday of the Week 2024-08-26

Documence...

Listening: Modest Mouse to fill some spaces. I am rather fond of This Is A Long Drive For Someone With Nothing To Think About so here's She Ionizes And Atomizes

Watching: Hosted a rare Good Movie Night, put on Baz Luhrmann's William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet, which is one of the best movies. It's so good. We had one person who hadn't seen it since school, and one person who had never seen it. Truly a great movie start to finish, more movies should just be Shakespeare plays!

I really like how it plays with line delivery, a lot of the Big Lines where a lesser performance would leave some space for a dipshit audience are brushed past in the context of their passages while other normally innocuous lines are elevated to an astounding degree. "Mercutio, thou consort'st with Romeo" is normally a pretty like, passing line, it's very easy to read it as part of the pre-game bickering of Mercutio and Tybalt, but here it marks the point where the game changes from idle banter to a serious accusation. A simply inspired line read.

I'm a huge tragedy lover. It's great how many times a character looks up and goes "hey does anyone else feel doomed". Yo these violent delights are coming to an end anyone know what comes next?

Reading: I have been occupied with obsessing over Documents so I have had Baru Cormorant on hold. Instead, mostly various blogs. One of interest is They Don't Make Readers Like They Used To

This is interesting especially since I've been the main sounding board for @thosearentcrimes reading lately and it makes some interesting points that might be wrong, as is common for this blog.

The key thesis is that readers engage more with the works they read now, but also they are more likely to challenge those works on their fundamentals, rather than anchoring themselves directly in the author's words first.

Some of this is definitely just that more people engage with media now, and it's more visible, is part of it, but that is also kind of the thing it's pointing at. More people are able to engage with media like this who would, I guess, have normally had to become writers in order to express these thoughts. Some of them did!

Playing: Tactical Breach Wizards is out! I am about halfway through the campaign.

It's very a tight tactical combat strategy game, especially if like me you are trying to be quick and efficient with your turns. You can absolutely kite enemies around a level for round upon round if you wanted to in most levels but it feels bad and it will eventually chip you down.

Because you can rewind within each turn but not successive turns you are kind of encouraged to keep your turns dense in action and low in number so that if you need to go back you aren't throwing away dozens of turns of state. Most levels pan out in 1-5 turns, which is small enough that you can memorize every action you took even with a larger squad.

The writing is Tom Francis Standard, mostly snappy quips, but the additional dialogue compared to, say, Gunpoint gives it some room to get a little more earnest. Which is nice.

Making: Bleh.

Tools and Equipment: Live Captions for Linux is an interesting little application that runs a CPU-based live transcription model locally to transcribe whatever is coming through your speakers, or whatever's coming in on the mic.

I've had it sitting on my computers transcribing podcasts, which I often listen to by routing my phone's bluetooth audio via the PC I'm sitting at. It provides a reasonably good glanceable transcript as well as a transcription history that is handy if I lose focus for a second. Rather than rewinding I can just take a look and see what I missed.

[caffeinatedcamus]

Enneagram Subtype Trait Structures

Enneagram Two

SP 2 - Dependent, timid, victim, idealizer, "it compares", "be necessary", fanciful, condescending, hypersensitive to criticism, envious/ fear of envy, tender, possessive, jealous, arrogant and egocentric, sadistic, paranoid and controlling, castrator and vindictive, self- indulgent, fickle

SO 2 - Omnipotence, cold, egocentric, demanding and hypercritical, contemptuous, rebellious and tyrannical, intolerant of limits, intolerant of criticism, competitive, hunger for success and blindness to failure, envious

SX 2 - Aggressive, hypersensitive, "idolater of desire", impulsive and limitless, dependent , histrionic, rebellious and transgressor, hedonistic, idealized self-image, inconsistent, universal giver, anti-intellectual, competitive, unconventional, erotic movements, seemingly loose hips, affectivity disconnected from sexuality, difficulty in delivery, happy, big spender, fear of failure;

Enneagram Three

SP 3 - Be the best; being useful, self-sufficiency, control, hyperactivity, helping compulsion, being a reference person, confluence, the banishment of error, competitiveness, order, knowing how to sell

SX 3 - Dependent on the gaze of the other, sweet/maternal, complacent, ambiguous in sexuality, devalued, shy and insecure, naïve, chameleonic, frivolous and superficial, controlling, cold/hard/insensitive, perfectionist, critical/demanding, efficient, competitive/envious, repressed aggression and rage, psychosomatic, disconnected, anxious, proud/arrogant; does not show you need & self-sufficiency

SO 3 - Competitive, vindictive, histrionic, chameleonic/simultaneous multifaceted, inverted masculinity and femininity, manipulative when giving and receiving, appropriationist, avoidance of the experience of death/frozen, attached to money, attached to the image of his home, scatologically modest, seductive, studied, cheat/liar, professionally independent, fearful/embarrassing/violent/repressed, lazy, interested friend, envious, jealous, ambitious, cold, impatience

Enneagram Five

SP 5 - Retentive, not giving, detachment, fear of being swallowed, excessively docile, self-sufficient, emotionally numb, knowledge oriented, strangeness, guilt, self-demanding, negative, hypersensitive, fickle & renouncing action

SX 5 - Fragile body in a nonconformist spirit, in need of harmony & flees to nature, arid & at the same time hypersensitive, easily destabilized, nostalgic, helpless, does not affirm its place in the world, worthless, undisciplined, vengeful; not doing what is expected, guilty feeling, selfish, self centered, arrogant, seductive, romantic

SO 5 - Idealization, rationalization, compartmentalization, distancing, lack of action and low energy, atmosphere of concealment, desensitization, resignation and difficulty saying no, arrogance, idealization of poverty, stinginess, autistic traits

Enneagram Six

SP 6 -guilty, pursued, accuser, worried, undecided and hesitant, passive, introvert, suspicious, ambivalent, claudicant, submissive, selfish and greedy, nebulous, inhibited, unsafe, slow, dreamer

SX 6 - hesitant and insecure, reckless, challenging, suspicious, anxious, paranoid, cynical, defensive accuser, aggressive, loyal, critical and authoritative, rebel, observer, inhibited, shy, afraid of tenderness, enduring, braggart, honest, competitive

SO 6 - alienation, anxiety and doubtful rumination, chronophobia, retentivity, metaphysical attitude, taboo of selfishness, norm and mimicry, power games, displacement of authority, uniformity, omnipotence and impotence, omnipresence of guilt, self-accusation, fear of freedom, propensity for psychic ideals and shelters, domestication and obedience

Enneagram Seven

SP 7 - Bon vivant, ironic/cynical/sarcastic, self-indulgent, with acquired rights, envious, excessive, aggressive, utilitarian and strategist, impatient / bored, insubordinate and rebellious, selfish and individualistic, prone to corruption, fraudulent and talkative, schizoid vs. austere seductive extravagance, dry, distrustful and skeptical, tenacious and earthy

SX 7 - Talkative, bombastic / exaggerated, exhibitionist, invasive, impertinent and brazen, "clown" with such a sense of ridiculous, self-referential, magical thinking dreamer, pseudo-empathic, selfish, fraudulent, rabid, anti-hierarchical and escapist, clueless, childish optimism, impatient / impulsive and intolerant of frustration, hypochondriac

SO 7 - Narcissistic, selfish, envious / intolerant of frustration, excessive, good and helpful; holy, guilty, hidden rebel who devalues ​​authority, planner / idealist, skeptical with authority, competitive masked, fearful of conflict, theatrical, hedonistic, seductive, abandoned, charlatan

Enneagram Nine

SP 9 - Renunciatory, distant, emotionally insensitive and distrustful, physically insensitive, reactive and rigid, kind and insecure, resistant to change, voracious in his inertia, imaginative, dependent, avoidant of change, avoidant of choosing, concrete, low self-esteem, rebel, timid, procrastinator, sacrificing, involuntary and attached, autonomous, anticonventional, without limits, simple

SX 9 - Very patient,  without nuance — black or white, tolerant with the other; severe with themselves, chameleonic, above authority, blind faith, mediator and peacemaker, aversion to change, accurate in the development of tasks, love of food as a shared pleasure, dormouse, difficulty with physical contact, ashamed of communicating feelings, incapable of making decisions, bad relationship with the body and sexuality, hyperadaptive, “indispensable” and docile, empathetic, cozy, sense of duty, susceptible to criticism, disorganized or extremely orderly, talkative or mute, inconstant, pedantic, unkempt, autonomous, hyperactive or distracted SO 9 - Social and kind, good host, emotionally intuitive, chatterbox, hyper-available, tendency towards addiction, workaholic, impatient and impulsive, responsible and collaborative leader, against the abuse of power, curious, clueless, idealistic, naïve

Source: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1iFadp6W3OSXl2Ax6rsxD2DXFOjK-na5zYNCVbZE9J4I/edit#heading=h.j2fzqrdskzat

[jpitha]

Just a Little Further 26

Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25

*six months later*

It's been half a year, but I can't believe we're already on our third ship! High Line took two months instead of the one that Omar first promised, but that was because he and his crew were getting use to the process and how best to refurbish the ships. Then after that I made the decision to refurbish the food tugs, but those were (relatively) easy. New thrusters, some strengthening of the cargo containers and a few brand new ones and that was it. Once that was finished the food deliveries increased over 30%!

You would not believe how much cheaper, more abundant food improves one's legitimacy. As soon as that was finished and the food rolled in, almost all of the last grumblings about me coming in and "declaring" myself Empress died down.

I couldn't wait, and we took High Line out for a quick spin around the system after it was completed. Omar asked to be in control for the trip and since he refurbished it, I let him. While Omar was looking through the Builder archives, he found plans for a starship's control chair. It was kind of line a small version of my Throne, or the Builder chairs back on the Reach. From the chair, a Builder can interface with the ship and control it, almost like how AIs are ships back home.

I asked Starlight, River and Ocean if they wanted to come along and see what we did to their ship. The whole time they looked around in wonder and surprise at the work we did. Starlight said it felt like a new ship and River marveled that we were able to add so many features to it.

I didn't tell them about the wormhole generator. I don't know why. Maybe I still think we need some kind of secret surprise.

Really though, I couldn't do what I'm doing now if it wasn't for my fellow Builders and our staff. Ava is my second in command and handles most of the interactions between us and the institutions here at the Reach. Bank, Security Team, and Maintenance Crew; she works with them to bring their needs to my attention, and then we work out a solution together. She still tends to be a little more... aggressive than I prefer, but she knows who is Empress. She makes me more assertive and I'm able to cool her down. I think we work well together.

Um'reli has dug deep into the Builder systems here on the Reach. She's working out how much work the old Builders did day to day to make the Reach run so smoothly. When I told her that the Nanites say that it was a full time crew of 10 she believed me. It's a lot of work. There's still only the 4 of us, so we still can't run at full capacity, but she's got the fire suppression systems up and running, the environmental systems are much more efficient and even the gravity works better. We're operating with a power surplus now! I asked Omar build another reactor for the Reach and soon we will have power to spare.

Omar, he has taken over as my shipbuilder and is really growing into the role. When we were on FarReach, printing was just a hobby and his main role was ship's battery, but here he's become a master printer. Between the database we got from FarReach and the existing Database on the Reach, we have more than enough plans to make anything we need. He even worked out that Reach of the Might of Vzzx used to have defensive batteries! He found the hardpoints and has been using downtime on the printers to make new laser batteries. We don't know where the original weapons went, so we're just going to add Starjumper class laser batteries to the existing hardpoints. We're so large and will soon have such a power surplus that he says running the huge laser batteries should be no problem. That should help hold off anyone who comes to pay us a visit.

Speaking of visiting, I haven't told anyone, but I unlocked the Gate last month. With two ships and the laser batteries almost done, I figured it was safe to unlock the Gate.

I'm anxious to go back out and visit the Wilds and see if we can figure out what happened. I don't think I'm ready to admit to the others yet, but I'm also excited to visit other Starbases and planets as Empress and see just how much of this side of the Galaxy is happy to see me. Waves and smiles for everyone happy to see me, Starjumper laser batteries for those who aren't.

I'm kidding about the Starjumper laser batteries if people aren't happy to see me. I don't think I want to restart a war of conquest, do I?

These days, I spend a lot of my time on the Throne, just watching things. I find it soothing to sit here and just... feel the world go by. Things are running so smoothly, and the people legitimately seem pleased that we're here and working, I like to, I don't know, absorb the vibes?

It's just after breakfast and I'm settling down for a day of reports and presiding over a few small disagreements when a chirrup interrupts my reverie. I glance over and... It's a signal from outside the Reach? I extend my senses into the local space and I feel...

Activity from the Gate. Someone is coming through.

"Ava, Um'reli, Omar! We've got a ping from the Gate. Someone is coming though!" I'm excited to tell everyone.

Omar is less excited. "What? Okay, Reactors to 200%, defensive batteries online, sound general alert.." I can hear hooting in the background. Omar insisted on activating the old alert tones and we have been sending out messages reminding everyone to listen to them.

"Omar, Omar! It's just someone coming through. Do we really need to get ready to shoot them?"

"Uh, yes Melody? We have no idea who it is. I didn't even know the Gate was unlocked. Did you do that?"

"Yes, I did it a month ago. I figured we were ready for visitors then. I'm so excited to see who is coming to visit us!"

Over the mental connection, I can feel Ava, Omar and Um'reli staring at me.

Uh oh.

Um'reli sounds exasperated. "Melody, we are at least a year away from unlocking the Gate. We have some defensive lasers sure, but we don't even have the new reactor online and we have two small ships now. Two. If that's a human dreadnought, we'd be utterly outmatched. What were you thinking?"

"Um'reli be nice, I'm sure Melody was just so happy about our progress she wanted people to come and see it and see her." Ava jumps to my defense.

"It's still something she should have run by us first. We could have given her more insight to our actual readiness..."

"She is the empress Um'reli, and besides, what's done is done. Now we have to get ready for our new visitors. Melody, have they come though yet, do we have a visual on them?"

I'm looking out into the system and I see the ship. It's... huge. It's way larger than anything we know about on this side of the Galaxy. It doesn't look like a Starjumper though, it's the wrong shape.

"It's through. Here, I'll send you what I see through the long range scopes. I toss the visual feed over to them. Um'reli is as confused as I am, but Omar has a sharp intake of breath and Ava swears.

"What is it Omar? Do you recognize the ship Ava?"

"I do, but I wish I didn't. That's the Vengeance of Lavinia. It's the flag carrier for Venus." Omar sound disgusted.

Ava sounds downright angry. What the hell are they doing out here?"

Um'reli zooms in on the image and tries to enhance to get more detail. "It Looks like FarReach didn't succeed in keeping us quiet like she wanted though. Clearly someone told them we were out here and they're coming to say hello."

I don't know much about Imperial Venus, I grew up on Meíhuā. From what I understand and what Omar explains while Ava makes a face, they took over governance of the Sol system about a decade ago. They mostly control the inner planets. The High Mars Cities are the borderlands, and from then out is the OPA, the Outer Planet Alliance. They're a bunch of small starbase city-states that pool their resources together to hold off Venus. It's been a back and forth for the entire time that Venus has claimed sovereignty.

Venus came out into the colonies to throw their weight around a few years back, but they got massacred at Parvati, and they caused trouble over at Sarbase Picaresque. This was all years before we left. A group of residents and a faction of AIs kicked them out. I think a colony ship was involved too? I wasn't living there then, I've heard all this information second and third hand. But, since then, they've stayed in the Sol system and dialed down the anti-AI rhetoric. Nobody is pleased to see them when they come visiting.

Still, it was visitors. Guess we should see what they want.

"Maybe they have people who want to come join us?" I try to sound hopeful. I don't think it worked.

"More like spy on us." Omar said darkly. "Melody, I'm going to go against my usual stance on you using your Voice on people. These folks need to be told how we do stuff here."

I can feel Um'reli nodding. "I agree. We don't want them to start anything, but like don't lead with Voicing them. If you did that, they'd probably try and run and we'd lose any advantage we have. Play it cool. Be nice, be welcoming. It's not like we couldn't use more Builders. If folks are coming out because they want to come out, we should welcome them."

"But they're from Venus, Um'reli. Don't forget how they treat AIs." Ava is unusually firm. Venus has a strict policy of not recognizing AI sapience. It's stupid really. AIs have been recognized as alive and sapient for nearly two thousand years in Human space, for them to come out of nowhere and say that they're not is ludicrous and treated that way in Colonial space. It's almost a joke.

Almost.

We can't turn them away, we simply don't have the firepower. "Omar, let them know we're not defenseless. Free the defensive lasers but don't target the ship. The are probably scanning the heck out of us, they should see them come online."

When Omar releases the lasers, I can feel it. 6 different batteries energize and tell us their readiness. Wow, I don't know if this is something new Omar added, or something he tied into old systems, but it's so... intuitive to use them. With a thought, I can swing them around, aim and point them, and... yes, if I were to pull there, they'd fire. Neat. After moving them around a little, I swing them off to the side and set them to follow our commands. If Venus wants to start something, we can bring them to bear relatively quickly, but Um'reli is right, we do need more builders. If they're just shuttling volunteers because FarReach told all the AIs and none of them will have anything to do with me, then we should be nice.

Radio contact. We're being signaled. "Uh, Reach of the Might of Vzzx? This is Vengeance of Lavinia. We'd like to speak to... Empress... Melody?"

They're reading from notes. Their comms officer sounds so unsure. I decide to answer myself and lay it on thick.

"Good morning Vengeance of Lavinia. This is Empress Melody Mullen the First, Empress of the Holy Imperial Systems. I hear your call and am replying. How may I assist?"

"We are requesting docking permission and to be able to come aboard for a goodwill exchange as well as to deliver some volunteers from our side of the Galaxy who wish to sign on with your work over here."

Interesting. They say they have volunteers. It's not like we don't need more Builder help.

"Be careful, Melody." Ava is right.

"But, don't turn them away just yet." Um'reli is right too. Ugh do they want to do the talking here? I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions. I check on the docking ring. High Line and Sun Dancer, the two ships we were able to refit are next to the dock the FarReach used, I'll put them there.

"Vengeance of Lavinia you are cleared to dock at umbilical X45, I shall note it on this image I am sending your way. Additionally it shall be lit as you pass by. After you dock a welcome party will meet you at the umbilical."

"Umbilical X45 confirmed. See you soon, Reach of the Might of Vzzx. Vengeance of Lavinia out."

Well then. Guess we had better go meet them.

"Okay everyone, we're on. Let's go gather some folks and go see them."

Ava, Um'reli and Omar disconnect from their chairs and come out. "I swear to you we're not ready for someone like Venus coming, but here they are so I guess we're going to have to be ready." Um'reli looks around. "Where is City?"

Sound of the City bounds up the stairs. "Here, Builder, what do you need of me?"

Um'reli smiles. "Hello, Sound of the City. Please gather Starlight, Ocean, River, Vaaqo, and yourself. Dispatch a runner to Sep and ask them to bring a few security guards too. Make sure you have your Builder uniforms on and they're clean and neat. We have visitors."

City bows nervously. "Of course Builder. I shall fetch them at once." There is a pause while they try to figure out what they can get away with. "Who is visiting?"

"It's a group of people from our side of the Galaxy. They're a different... faction than we were and we always haven't been... friendly? We're willing to give them the benefit of the doubt for now, but make sure everyone knows to keep watch on them."

Another bow "Builder. I go!" and Sound of the City bounds away. I'm so happy we are able to give them a job. They're still young so it's only part time, but they bring me happiness every time I see them. They really are becoming a vital part of our retinue. They're just so energetic! I hope they stay with us.

I pick up my rifle from next to the Throne and examine it. I do get a chance to go to Sep's Security office and get some range time in now, but it's never enough. Omar has programmed the Security Office's printers to make rounds for me, so I don't have to conserve, it's just that there are only so many hours in a day. But, I feel good that I can still do the things that Melody likes to do. It helps ground me and reminds me that I'm more than an Empress.

I sigh to myself, check the rifle to make sure it's loaded and safe, and then click it to my back. It's weight is reassuring. While we walk down the steps, I get myself ready. The crown and wings come out, but I keep them subtle for now. I make my heels a little taller but keep my working outfit on - no gown today. It's still royal blue and still sharply cut, but I just look like the head Builder I am instead of all full Empress.

As we reach the docs, Starlight, Ocean and River are there already. They were probably over in the drydock working on the third ship so were close by. At our approach, they all bow low.

"Empress, Builders. It is always a pleasure to see you."

I incline my head. "Starlight, Ocean, River. We have guests coming."

They look at me and blink. This was unexpected.

"O-of course Empress. We shall welcome them warmly. Who is coming?"

"People from our side of the Galaxy. They represent a different faction than us, so we're wary about their visit. Still, we shall receive them. Just, be on your guard."

They bow again. "Always Empress. We have learned that about Builders."

Huh. Cheeky. But not wrong. I decide to let it slide.

City bounds up out of breath. "I have alerted Vaaqo and Sep, they shall arrive shortly."

"City, take a moment and catch your breath, they're not here yet." Ava looks concerned. Sound of the City is so eager to help that sometimes they run themselves ragged. I think we all fuss over City just a bit because they're still a kid, but I remember being a teen and so eager to prove myself.

After a short time, Vaaqo arrives with Sep and they bow. Behind Sep is about a dozen security guards, all with clubs and energy weapons. Vaaqo speaks first. "Builders. What is it you need of us? Your runner mentioned visitors?"

I smile warmly and nod. "Yes. people from our side of the Galaxy have come through the Gate and wish to visit. They are from a different faction than us originally, so be wary, but let us welcome them. Sep, have your people set up around us, visible, but not part of the welcome party. Clubs can be seen, but let's keep the firearms behind their backs for now."

Another bow, and Sep gestures to the guards and they set up like I asked. We have a semicircle of guards a bit away, and the rest of us are a few meters from the umbilical.

As we finish setting up, I hear the whir and hum of the umbilical coming out to meet the ship.

After a few tense moments, there is a hiss as the pressures equalize and the umbilical opens. Immediately, silently, 6 troopers walk out. They're wearing glossy maroon armored pressure suits polished to a mirror sheen They're so glossy the coloring of the pressure suits looks like it has depth. I can see all of us distorted in the reflection of their faceless helmets. They're holding battle rifles, but they're aimed down and I can see they're safe and they have little decorative tips on the end - that's a nice touch. Shows everyone that they can't shoot them without extra effort. Looking closer at the rifles I'm shocked.

It's the same model I use.

That's not standard issue. My rifle was a special order. I can feel it's weight on my back, reminding me.

The troopers line up, three to a side of the umbilical and stand there at attention for a moment, and then a woman walks confidently out.

She's not wearing a pressure suit, but she has a very elaborate uniform on. It doesn't look like our Builder uniforms, but it's of a similar ilk. Professional, Military, it's short sleeves and form fitting, with pockets and folds and places for medals and ribbons. Her uniform has plenty of both. It's the same maroon as the troopers, but there's a pure white sash from her left shoulder to her right waist. On her waist is a sidearm - hmm, that looks like a custom version of a very fiddly - but accurate - pistol and is very well taken care of. She's wearing maroon pants tucked into highly polished black riding boots that click on the floor of the dock. On both of her shoulders are a gold fringe. She's wearing a cap at a rakish angle and peeking underneath I can see that she has very close cropped blond hair.

Is that a tattoo I see around her collar?

She is standing there with a smirk all casually professional and extremely cool. She looks like she is in charge through sheer charisma. She looks as if nobody would dare question whether she was in charge.

Swallowing and hoping I don't look too awkward, I turn up the crown and wings and take one step forward. "Welcome to Reach of the Might of Vzzx. I am Empress Melody Mullen of the Holy Imperial Systems." I gesture to my side. "This is Ava Williams, Omar Adel, and Um'reli Desmen, my Builders." I turn to the other side. "This is Starlight on a Moonless Evening, The Smell Of The Ocean, Rapid River Roaring, Sound of the City, Sep and Vaaco. They are part of my retinue and assist with day to day operation here. We welcome you."

She inclines her head slightly then stands up straight and salutes sharply. "I am Archduke Helen Raaden of Imperial Venus, second to the crown prince of Venus and third in line for the Venusian throne. I come with a contingent of Venusian soldiers and citizens as well as a small group of volunteers from throughout Human space.

We come as friends on a goodwill tour, and wish to extend our most sincere greetings to her Imperial Highness and make a personal offer from the Emperor to give assistance in any way we can." When she finishes her pronouncement she winks at me.

Oh no, she's so hot. What am I going to do?

Part 27