#6x11 spec fic

[penpatronuswhump]

EDDIE WAS IN BUCK’S DREAM

Actually, more than anyone else.

The white striped shirt from the shooting was like the Ferris wheel. And the plane, train, etc. A reminder - a trigger - a symbol - a memory.

The shirt was with Buck the entire time. More than any other symbol or face.

Like the other symbols, the shirts weren’t EXACTLY the same, because memories are inexact. But it was close enough so the audience knows what it is.

Just because we didn’t see Ryan Guzman, that doesn’t mean that Eddie was missing.

EDDIE WAS THERE

[messyhairdiaz]

hope is a four letter word

diaz boys - rated g - 2k - 6x10 coda/6x11 spec

Buck’s been in a coma for three days, and Eddie hasn’t slept a wink.

None of them are sleeping well. It’s obvious from the dark circles under each and every eye he can’t quite bring himself to meet. But he knows they’re sleeping. He saw Hen conked out on Karen’s shoulder in the waiting room they’ve commandeered as home base for those not taking their turn with Buck. He overheard Chimney telling Athena he and Maddie haven’t managed more than a few hours total since the accident. He found Bobby at Buck’s bedside, head bowed, perhaps initially for prayer before the inevitability of sleep overtook him.

Eddie hasn’t managed any of it. It’s not for lack of trying. His brain just won’t shut down. Which is funny, really, because it feels like his brain isn’t actually functioning. Today Hen asked him if he wanted a sandwich from the cafeteria and he just stared at her. Couldn’t fathom what a sandwich even was, much less if he wanted one. Ate it when she brought him one even though he didn’t know if he was hungry, or what it tasted like.

All of this to say it’s no surprise to him when he’s on hour four of staring at his ceiling and sleep is still eluding him.

read the rest on ao3

[wikiangela-fanfics]

don't know what I'd do if your tomorrow never came

[read on Ao3]

words: 1949

Eddie doesn’t know how he gets back to the station, how he changes into his clothes, how he gets home. He doesn’t register anything that’s happening, everything he does is automatic.

All he can think about is Buck’s pale face, his unresponsive body, his heart that Eddie was trying to- and he did, he thinks he did. All he can see in his mind is the doctors wheeling Buck away from him. He can hear himself yell “Do more,” because… 

Because he knows that “their best” is not always enough. He’s seen it, he’s lived through it, he’s been on the other side of this.

How many times on their calls one of them had to say “we’ll do our best” to a victim’s loved one, only for them to die, even on the scene. 

Just like Buck, his mind supplies.

Buck died. 

His heart stopped. 

It stopped beating, and he wasn’t breathing, and Eddie’s heart might’ve stopped as well. It certainly felt like it did.

But they didn’t stop, didn’t give up, none of them, they couldn’t, because it’s Buck. What would life even be like without him? Cold. Dull. Sad, that’s for sure. Eddie can’t even try to imagine it, because for him… for him there’s no life without Buck, only existence, trying to keep going for his son- for their son. God, Christopher… 

Eddie has to tell him, now. He can’t help but think that this is some kind of sick joke from the universe, which he doesn’t believe but he knows Buck would. “The universe is screaming at you and you refuse to listen” is what Buck said once, it feels like a lifetime ago. He didn't believe it, then, either. And now the universe is mocking Eddie, having him have to tell their kid about Buck, just like Buck had to tell him about the shooting. Eddie doesn’t know how Buck did it, how he had the strength, because he’s on the verge of breaking down and shattering into a million little pieces.

“Well, I’m listening now. You got my attention, universe.” he says into nothingness with a bitter laugh, looking down at his hands. This seems surreal. Everything seems surreal. He feels like he’s in a dream, like his body is not his, like he’s not even physically there.

He punches the steering wheel, only now realizing he’s in his car, and he thinks he screams. His throat is sore, and his voice is breaking down. He punches again, feeling tears falling down his face. He thinks he must’ve been crying for a while. His hand doesn’t hurt. He looks at it, and thinks back to his hands on Buck, doing chest compressions, and- and they helped, didn’t they? His hands helped, his heart started beating again. He keeps looking at his hands, the last things that touched Buck before they took him away, away from Eddie… “We’ll do our best.”

Do more.

Do fucking more, because it’s Buck, they can’t lose Buck. If there’s one person in the world that deserves to live, that deserves a miracle, it’s Buck. Eddie would trade places with him in a heartbeat. Buck has to live. If he doesn’t- he has no idea what would happen, all he knows is that it feels like it’s the end of the world. End of Eddie’s world, to be precise. The thought of waking up with the knowledge that Buck-

He jumps when he hears a knock at the window. He looks up, and he’s in front of his house. He has no idea how he got here. Carla is standing by the door on the driver’s side. She opens it, when he doesn’t move for a while, just stares at her.

“Eddie.” her voice is soft, tentative, comforting. Does she know? She must know that something happened, something so bad he’s screaming at himself in his car and punching stuff, trying to feel something. Maybe they already covered it in the news. He hopes it’s not how Chris finds out. “I was trying to give you a minute, but you’ve been sitting here for over half an hour now, and Christopher is getting worried.” she explains.

“Oh.” he takes a shaky breath, then moves to exit the car. His legs shake, and he leans against the car for a second. His son. He needs to be strong, he needs to keep together for a while longer, for his son. For their son. 

“Tough call?” Carla asks tentatively, reaching out to put her hand on Eddie’s shoulder. 

“The toughest yet.” he whispers, closing his eyes. He needs to go back to the hospital, to Buck, he needs to be there, he needs to see him- but first he needs to tell Chris. Eddie feels like his heart will break when he sees tears in his son’s eyes. Hell, his heart already broke, and a piece of it stayed with Buck. Keeping his beating, hopefully. “It’s, uh, Buck, he-” he takes another deep breath. He doesn’t need to say anything else, though, Carla seems to get it.

“I can take Chris for the night if you need to get back to him.” she says quietly, and Eddie is so grateful for her. He’s so grateful that Buck brought her into their lives. Buck changed every aspect of Eddie and Chris’ lives for the better, and if he-

“No.” he shakes his head. “It’s okay. Thank you.”

Once again, he doesn’t register walking to the house with Carla, taking his shoes and jacket off, and getting to the living room, and only vaguely notices her saying goodbye and asking once more if maybe he wants her to stay, or if he needs anything. He thinks he declines. She tells him and Chris that she’s a phone call away, just in case.

He only comes back to himself again, when he feels Christopher grab his hand. Eddie looks down on him.

“Dad?” he looks so concerned, and Eddie has to remind himself to keep it together. Just a while more, just until Chris goes to bed, and Eddie can cry himself to sleep. “What’s wrong?”

“Hey, buddy.” Eddie crouches down in front of him and tries to smile. His vision blurs. He has no idea where to start. How do you tell your son that his other parent is- how do you find words? “Can we talk for a second?” he asks, trying to stall, give himself time, because he just doesn’t know how to do this. Buck would know, he needs Buck, but of course it’s about Buck… He doesn’t know how to do this parenting thing on his own anymore, he needs his partner.

“What happened?” Christopher asks impatiently, while Eddie leads him towards the couch. He sits down heavily and takes a deep breath, while Chris takes a seat next to him. “Dad, I’m scared.” he adds, when Eddie still can’t talk. He feels like if he tries, tears will fall, and he can’t let Chris see how fucking scared he is.

“Listen, something bad happened at work tonight.” he makes sure to look his son in the eyes, and tries and fails to keep his voice steady. It shakes and wavers with every word. “Buck had an accident. He’s in the hospital now.” he adds quickly, not wanting it to look like he’s giving him even worse news. 

“What happened to him?”

“He was struck by lightning.” another shaky breath escapes him, as he thinks back to that moment, when he looked up and saw his lifeless body, hanging there, and… 

“Is it bad?” Chris asks, and Eddie can see the fear and worry on his face. He scrunches up his nose in that way he does when he wants to prevent himself from crying. Maybe Eddie should let himself cry in front of him, to show him that it’s okay, that he doesn’t have to hide it.

“I think you’re old enough for me to be honest with you.” Eddie decides after a moment, then puts his hand on Christopher’s shoulder. “It’s- it’s not good. He’s in a coma, and they don’t know when he’ll wake up.” If he’ll wake up. That thought makes tears fall down Eddie’s cheeks. Christopher moves closer and hugs him, hiding his face in Eddie’s shirt. Eddie wraps his arms around him and holds him close. “But hey, Christopher.” he pulls his son away just enough to look at him, and smiles. “He’s our Buck. He’s stronger than anyone. He’ll- he has to pull through. And he’ll be back at home with us in no time, telling us all the facts about lightning.” he chuckles, but it dies down quickly. His son does smile faintly, though.

“When can we see him?” he asks, wiping at his eyes.

“I was thinking you could skip school tomorrow, and we can go see him first thing in the morning. What do you say?” he knows what the answer’s going to be. Ideally, Eddie wouldn’t leave Buck even for a second, he wouldn’t let him out of his sight. And he won’t, ever again, if- when he gets better.

“I want to see Buck.” Chris immediately answers, tears streaming down his face now. “Why can’t we go now?” he complains, and Eddie explains that even though he wants to see Buck, too, so bad, they wouldn’t be allowed to see him now, that it’s late – it’s really late, he thinks Carla stayed longer than usual, he needs to thank her. 

After he manages to get Chris to bed, Eddie goes to take a shower. Where he cries, and cries, and cries, and tries to prevent himself from punching the tiles until his knuckles bleed, that would not be a good idea. He’s just so angry, and terrified, and- he can’t fucking lose Buck. Not him, not like that, not now, not ever. 

When he walks into his room, the first thing he notices is the neatly folded hoodie on his dresser. It’s Buck’s. He left it here a few days ago, and Eddie didn’t give it back, he didn’t even move it. Without a second thought, he grabs the hoodie and puts it on. It still smells like Buck, and feels like a warm hug from him. He might not take it off until Buck wakes up to give him an actual hug.

Eddie’s exhausted, but he knows he won’t fall asleep. He might not sleep ever again, unless it’s by Buck’s side. He needs to see him more than he needs to breathe right now.

So he gets into bed and stares at the ceiling, wide awake, until he hears quiet steps, and Christopher comes in. Without a word, Eddie pulls back the covers to make room for his kid, who then curls up against his side. Eddie hears himself let out a quiet sob, as he hugs his son closer, the only thing keeping him going right now.

“Dad?” Christopher asks after enough time passes that Eddie thinks he’s asleep.

“Yeah?”

“What if Buck doesn’t wake up?” he’s whispering, so quiet, as if he was scared to speak it into existence. Eddie’s blood runs cold. It’s one thing to have dark thoughts like that, but to actually hear it voiced… 

He desperately tries not to think about it, because he has no idea what would happen, what he’d do. Nothing would ever be the same. 

“I don’t know.” he responds honestly, with a sigh. Buck has to come back to them. To him. Otherwise, Eddie will never feel whole again. Their family will never be whole again. They need Buck more than anything. He’ll be okay, because he has to. There’s no other option.

[the-likesofus]

Three Minutes

911 Fox | Bobby POV | 6x11 Spec | 213 words

Bobby’s hand hangs limply, hovering over the door knob. He’s been standing in the hallway for three minutes, the same length of time it took to drive Buck to the hospital. Those three horrible, stretching, shrinking minutes, yet as he stands now, they pass in a single blink.

He turns the knob. 

Buck lays prone on the bed, intubated and pale as his chest rises and falls in short staggering stints. The collar of his hospital gown has slipped from his shoulder and his chest proudly displays the Lichtenberg scars under the fluorescent lights.

Bobby sits next to him, The sharp edges of the plastic press into his sides and the chair groans and bends under his weight. 

Three more minutes pass and he watches Buck’s face, impassive and shining with a thin veil of sweat. 

“Hey, kid.” The words roll over the soot and iron in Bobby’s mouth. He bit his tongue in the ambulance. 

Seconds tick by as Bobby tries to find the words. Not even the right ones, just any words. 

“You’ve got to come back to us, Buck.” He wants it to be a demand, an order, from Captain to subordinate, but it sounds like a plea, a request, a desperate begging. 

From a parent to their dying son.

[shortsighted-owl]

Currently writing a scene about Eddie’s St Christophers medal for Electrostatic attraction chapter two and there is an interesting little bit from the Wikipedia page under general patronage:

“He holds patronage of things related to travel and travelers— against lightning and pestilence...”

Eddie being able to ascend the ladder and not get struck depite him having held the cursed bracelet alongside Buck in 6x07 because he has the medal protecting him, so he can get to Buck and lower him down.

And then if that is Eddie who gets blown off the engine, well... The ladder’s control console exploding could be the Universe’s way of screaming at him by proxy since he’s protected from direct lightning?

[hero-in-waiting]

awake. a 6x11 spec fic.\

Is this in any way gonna be canon? No. But I can dream, right?

buddie, 3k, PG, spoilers for 9-1-1 episode 6x10, ambiguous ending.

“Just go over and talk to him.”

Evan turned, glaring at Daniel, who shrugged and moved to leave, needing to go to work. He clapped Evan on the shoulder as he walked past. He turned back to the paper he had been reading for the lesson he was in the middle of planning and did his best not to look up and stare at the hot guy who was ordering a drink at the same time every day. At the same time, Evan was there every day, talking on his phone to someone with a worried look.

“Just hold on, okay? Hold on.”

Evan wanted to know who was holding on.

—

“Is this seat taken?”

Evan looked up to see Hot Guy standing there, his phone nowhere in sight and a half smirk on his face that looked good. Evan stared for a second. “Uh…what?”

Hot Guy’s smile turned even more amused. “Can I sit?” he asked. “It’s busy.”

Evan glanced around, seeing the crowded room filled with people he sort of recognized. He could see a lesbian couple and their kid in the corner, laughing over something with a man their age bouncing their other girl on his knee, making her laugh. An older gentleman and woman were talking, and heads bowed together as their kids talked to each other. And Evan was sitting at a table for two but alone.

“Uh, sure,” Evan said finally, looking up at Hot Guy, who smiled and sat.

“I’m Eddie Diaz,” Hot Guy said, holding out his hand.

Evan shook it. “Evan.”

—

“Evan!”

Evan grinned as he spotted Eddie walking over and sliding into the seat across from him. “Hey, man, how’s work?”

“Busy,” Eddie said, shaking his head. “You’d think at some point people would stop doing dumb things that made them want to call 911.”

“You’d be out of a job if they did that,” Evan said, closing the lesson plan he hadn’t been planning.

“That I would,” Eddie agreed, nodding his head. “Besides. Chris thinks I save kittens from trees, and if I didn’t have a job, who would save the cats?”

Evan laughed. “Well, maybe you can be a kitten firefighter only?”

Eddie’s smile was soft as he looked at Buck. “Well, that sounds fun for a while, but I like helping people. I think they do good when they hold on, Buck. Please.”

Evan tilted his head to the side, shaking his head as a conversation from a different table interrupted Eddies last words. “What was that? Sorry.”

“Sorry, am I boring you?” Eddie asked with a teasing smile.

“You’d never bore me,” Evan said immediately, knowing it deep in his chest.

“No?”

“No.”

—

“You got it, bad baby brother,” Daniel said, grinning at Evan.

Evan stared at his brother, at a face so similar to his own that people thought they were twins. Daniel knew him better than most, and he couldn’t lie to him. The same way, he couldn’t lie to Maddie. “I know,” he said, dropping his head back and sighing.

“Ask him out,” Maddie said, dropping into the seat next to Daniel, a bowl of popcorn in his lap. “The worst thing that happens is he says no, not again. Please wake up, Buck.”

“The worst thing that happens is what?” Evan asked, rubbing a hand over his face, wondering if he had dozed off.

“No, the worst thing he says is no.”

—

“Sure!”

Evan stared at Eddie’s bright smile and felt something tight form in his chest. “What?”

“Sure, I’d love to get dinner,” Eddie said, setting his cup on the table and leaning closer.

“As a date,” Evan had to check.

“As a date,” Eddie agreed.

Evan’s heart felt like it was going to burst.

—

“Evan, I want you to meet Christopher, my son.”

Evan knew all about Chris and how much Eddie loved him and missed him the weeks he spent with Shannon, equally split between the two houses and loved by two parents. He waved a hand, feeling awkward. “Hey there.”

“Hi, Buck,” Chris said, smiling up at him and leaning against his Dad.

“Buck?” Evan asked, glancing up at Eddie, who rolled his eyes.

“Dad said that was your name.”

“I said his name was Evan,” Eddie corrected.

Chris smiled at him. “Buck!”

Evan stared at Chris, seeing the smile and hearing the agonized cry of a nickname that sounded right but also wasn’t at the same time. He was Evan, and he had always been Evan. “Well, I love a nickname,” Evan said, glancing back up at Eddie, who started looking concerned. “Buck, it is.”

Evan was sure Eddie’s smile could light an entire room.

—

The first kiss was soft, fingers tracing along his jaw and Eddie's mouth finding his, sure as the sun would rise. It felt like coming home, like years spent circling instead of a few short months. Evan could feel electricity under his skin; he never wanted this moment to end.

—

“I love you,” Evan said softly, carding fingers through the fine hair at the nape of Eddie’s neck.

“I love you. I need you to wake up, please,” Eddie replied, turning and smiling up at Evan. “Chris does as well.”

“Yeah?” Evan asked, his chest warm at the thought of Eddie’s son liking him.

“We need you, please,” Eddie said, the soft look still on his face.

“I’m here,” Evan said, reaching out to draw Eddie into a kiss. “I’m not going anywhere.”

—

“I realize that we’re all gathered here to celebrate Evan and Eddie getting married, but I think we need to take a moment to talk about the most important person in the room,” Daniel said, pressing a hand against his heart before looking over at Chris. “Chris. The man of the hour! Getting straight A’s for another semester in a row. A much more important milestone than marriage, right?”

Laughter spread out across the room. Evan’s face hurt from the smile stretching across his face as he looked around at their friends and family and then turned, meeting Eddie’s eyes over the top of Chris’s head as Daniel kept talking about all of Chris’s accomplishments.

“I love you,” Evan said to Eddie.

Eddie’s smile was wide, his eyes filled with happiness. “I love you, but it’s been long enough. Come on, you need to wake up now. Open up those eyes for us, please.”

Evan had never been so happy.

—

Evan picked Chris up and kissed him on the cheek before putting him back down as they headed toward the car. “How was school?”

“It was good, Buck,” Chris said. “Today we learned about genetics and how we’re both parts of our parents and how that’s important. And I miss my Mom, but you’re important too, so I need you to wake up because I need you here.”

There was a dread that filled Evan’s chest, and he glanced up, seeing the storm clouds overhead, and thought about lighting and Chris’s crutches. “That’s really awesome, and I’ll always be here, okay? But we gotta get to the car, okay?”

Chris smiled at him. “Wake up, Buck.”

Evan smiled back before he hid a yawn behind his hand. “Love you too.”

—

Evan grinned as he opened the door and saw Bobby carrying a covered bowl. “Bobby! Hey, you made it.”

“Course I did. I know you’ve been tired lately, and we want to help,” Bobby said, stepping inside. “Athena will be here soon. We’re all here for you. I need you to wake up, kid. I can’t lose another son.”

Buck looked at the covered dish. “You ever gonna tell me the secret ingredient.”

“Wouldn’t be a secret then, would it?”

“Is that Bobby?” Eddie called from the kitchen.

“Yeah!” Evan called back.

Eddie stuck his head out. “Hey, Cap!”

“Hey, Eddie. Where did you want this?” Bobby asked, walking past Evan and into the house.

Evan looked outside and saw the storm clouds brewing and the distant crack of thunder, and he shivered, shutting the door.

—

“Don’t leave me.”

Evan looked up and met Eddie’s gaze. “What did you say?”

Eddie smiled at him. “I said, did you want pizza for dinner?”

“When have I ever not wanted pizza for dinner?”

“The few times you’ve wanted sushi,” Eddie said, dropping onto the couch next to Evan and pulling up the app to order pizza.

“But pizza is my one and only love.”

“I thought that was me,” Eddie said, not looking up from his phone. “You promised Chris you would be there. And I need you around because I need to know you have my back if anything happens to me. That’s what partners do; we have each other’s backs.”

“I love you more than I love pizza,” Evan said, slouching to the side and resting his head on Eddie’s shoulder, trying to ignore the exhaustion settling into his bones. It had just been a long week at work, nothing else. Nothing to worry about.

“True love.”

—

The storm was raging outside, and Evan could feel his heart pounding, his ribs sore from holding himself tightly as he stared out at the rain-lashed windows, exhaustion from the long week making him want to sink to the floor. “I’m so glad you’re not working,” Evan whispered, smiling at Eddie, who was sitting on the couch, an arm wrapped around Chris’s shoulders, reading a newspaper with his other hand. “It’s dangerous out there.”

His chest ached from the force of the worry as he walked over and sat down next to Chris, dropping his arm along the back of the couch, curling his hand around the back of Eddie’s neck, and squeezing gently.

“I’ll have to go out tomorrow. You know we’re down a person since Buck got injured,” Eddie said, tilting the newspaper toward Evan.

Evan read the title about the Firefighter who had gotten struck by lightning. “That has to suck,” he said, rubbing a hand over his chest at the sympathetic pain. “Any news?”

“We’re hopeful. He’s stabilized, and he’s breathing on his own we’re just waiting for him to wake up.”

Evan frowned, turning to Eddie and the odd voice. “You coming down with something?”

“I don’t think so?” Eddie said, glancing up. “Why?”

“Your voice sounded weird.”

“You’re weird,” Eddie replied, looking back down at the newspaper as a crack of thunder made Evan jump.

“You’re okay, Buck,” Chris said, smiling at him.

Evan smiled back. “I know I am, and I will be as long as I have my favorite people.”

Eddie smiled at him. “Please wake up.”

Evan frowned. “What did you say?”

Eddie frowned back. “I said I love you too.”

“You have to wake up, Buck,” Chris said, snuggling into Evan. “Dad misses you.”

“Eddie’s right there,” Evan said, frowning and feeling panic begin to rise in his chest.

“I know he is,” Chris said, giggling like Evan had just told a joke.

The sound of someone sobbing filled the room, Buck, Buck, Buck, filling the air. Evan sat up straight, staring around, wondering where the noise came from.

“Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” Eddie asked, still reading the newspaper.

The sobbing got louder, and Evab felt pressure on his chest. He pressed a hand over his heart and turned, meeting Eddie’s soft smile as a crack of thunder filled the room, the lights flashing and one of the machines beginning to beep in a rapid pattern whispers beginning to fill the air around him.

He turned, trying to find the noise. “Do you hear that?” he asked, looking back at the TV to see if it was on. It was, and Evan could see a man lying on the bed, surrounded by people being pushed away by Doctors as they rushed in.

“This is too old for you,” Evan said, picking up the remote and turning off the TV, the whispering growing louder and the exhaustion settling even deeper into his bones as he settled back against the couch.

“You’re silly,” Chris said, smiling brightly at Evan.

“You’re the silliest,” Evan replied, smiling back at Chris before leaning down to kiss his forehead and looking up at Eddie. “You okay?”

Eddie’s eyes were sunken, and his cheeks were hollow. There was a paleness to his skin that didn’t make sense. Evan blinked, and Eddie smiled at him, flushed with happiness. “I’m fine. How are you feeling?”

“Wake up. Please wake up!”

The beeping grew louder, and Buck felt fingers brush over his forehead, and something grabbed his hand. He flinched back, looking down and flexing his hand, wondering what had touched him.

“I’m fine,” Evan said, looking back at Eddie. “I’m right where I need to be.”

Eddie smiled brightly. “With me and Chris.”

“With both of you,” Evan agreed. “I love you both.”

“We love you too, Buck,” Chris said, leaning against him as Eddie leaned in to kiss him.

Evan was sure this was the happiest he would ever be, that nothing couple top this moment as the storm raged outside and the beeping got louder, the pain in his chest growing moment by moment and his heart beginning to ache. His eyes felt heavy, but he didn’t remember closing them. He could feel Chris’s hand in his own, and he tried to squeeze, but it was hard when he was so tired, and he just wanted to be back on the couch with Chris and Eddie, happy and safe from the storm.

“Wake up, please. I need my Dad!”

Evan forced his eyes open, pain flooding his senses as the bright light assaulted him. He could hear people yelling, people talking, and people crying. He was under assault, and he was so tired he couldn’t move. He could barely turn his head.

“Buck, there you go, keep them open, come on, Buck, you got this.”

Evan knew that voice, and he blinked again, the light in his eyes moving away, and he could see blurry outlines. He could feel a hand in his own, and he squeezed, not wanting to worry Chris anymore than he already had.

“Good, kid, you’re doing good.”

Evan watched as Bobby’s face appeared in his vision, stress wearing his face down and aging him several years. There were tears running down his face, and his smile was wide. Evan opened his mouth to try and talk, but even that motion was too hard for him.

“No, no, don’t speak. You’re safe. You’re okay, kid. You’re gonna be okay,” Bobby said.

Evan looked to the side, trying to find Eddie and Chris, but he couldn’t see them. He looked back at Bobby, who was smoothing a hand over Evan’s forehead, brushing the hair back.

“Kid, I am damned glad to see you awake,” Bobby said his voice breaking.

Evan wanted to know where Eddie and Chris were. He knew Bobby didn’t want him to speak, but he had to know. “Eddie,” he forced out, his throat aching with the word.

Bobby’s face softened. “Eddie was taking Chris to get some food, but they should be back soon. He’ll be damned glad to see his Buck.”

“Buck?”

Bobby frowned. “Yes, Buck. You.”

“I’m not Buck,” Evan whispered, wondering what was happening.

“Yes…you are,” Bobby said, frowning as he glanced around, searching for something.

“I’m Evan,” Evan said, wondering if something had happened or if someone had mixed something up.

Bobby’s frown, if possible, deepened. “Yes, yes, you are. Evan Buckley, Buck.”

Evan stared at him before he turned at the familiar sound of crutches and watched as Chris walked in, his word, sad face changing into a bright smile when he spotted Evan.

“Buck!” Chris said before he burst into tears.

Evan struggled to get to Chris, but he was so tired, and his body ached. Eddie appeared in the doorway, his face going slack with shock and a series of other emotions before he picked up Chris, who didn’t fight for once and was across the room, settling Chris onto the bed. Chris grabbed his hand and held it tight. Evan tried to squeeze back as he tried to make sense of what was happening.

“Careful, Chris,” Eddie said, stopping Chris from leaning down.

Chris nodded. “I’ll be careful, Dad. I don’t want to hurt Buck.”

Buck. Evan frowned, looking between Eddie and Bobby, confused and wondering why everyone was calling him Buck.

“You got hit by lightning when you were up on the ladder,” Bobby explained, resting a hand on his forehead. “You’ve been in a coma for two weeks.”

“What?” Evan asked, his mind rebelling at the words. Eddie was the firefighter, not him.

“Buck, it’s okay,” Eddie said, resting a hand on Chris’s shoulder.

Evan stared at Eddie for a long time, trying to make sense of the words, of the distance between him and Eddie, and wondering why it hurt so much when they weren’t…they were partners. Eddie was his best friend and had been for a few years now. He knew this. He didn’t know why he was so confused.

“I’m tired,” he whispered.

Eddie nodded, reaching out to squeeze Evan’s forearm, a close friend, the best friend Evan had ever had. “Go to sleep. It’s been a long few weeks, and you’re still healing. We’ll be here when you wake up again. Promise.”

“Okay.”

He could see Bobby’s watery smile, Chris’s bright one, and the soft one Eddie had for the moments like this when something had gone right. But Evan wasn’t sure if everything had gone right. Maybe some sleep would help.

Buck closed his eyes and let himself fall back asleep, and hoped everything made sense when he woke back up.

[diazpatcher]

Hello guys, I wrote something about coma Buck :)

An office job, a goddamn office job, if Buck had known that coming to LA would have him stuck in an office job, typing in numbers all day, he would've jumped off that cliff. Which is not to say that his life is not fullfilling he has fun with his friend, well office friends. Which can you call it friends if you only talk when the sueprvisor is not there? It was wird, at first, of course it was weird. Buck went from being a navy seal to office worker. So yeah his restlessness and constant headaches had a reason hisblury vision probably were a result of his headaches. Although, he couldn't quiet remember how he got here. "Coming through! Make a hole." Buck jumped up, but when he turned, there was no one there. He definetly needed some more, sleep. "Evan, oh Evan we told you this would happen. We warned you." His mothers was in front, no behind him. Her hands held tightly to her chest. Before he could answer he was falling. The floor had crumbled into pieces and all that was holding him was a red rope, tethered to something, someone? There was something in the air, a bright flash and pain like he has never felt before shot through him, blood dripping from his mouth and leg. He was standing somewhere in L.A. blood covering the ground around a body, no not a body- A giant wave was rushing towards him, a child, a little boy with red glasses and curled hair- He was drowning. "Buck, I know you'll wake up, you just need some time, like last time." His hands were covered in blood now, he was in an engine rushing down the streets of L.A his white shirt was drenched in blood. The man was back again, it was his blood covering Bucks hands and clothes, his face was wet with something, tears? No. No there was an unmistakable taste of iron in his mouth. Blood. The engine disapeared, instead Buck found himself clawing at mud, his hands burnign up from the cold, a name he doesn't remember falling form his lips. Something was seriously wrong with him, why was he hallucinating so vividly, someone had to help him, but he couldn't understand who was real and who was part of his hallucinations. Someone was holding him tightly, pulling him away from the mud and the echo of his screams. He needed to get out, get away, get back to his reality. His body went slack, darkness engulfing him, completely and somethign about it was so welcoming. With nothing left to hold on to, Buck gave in. "We need a crash cart!" Maddie jumped away as Eddie tried to keep compressions going until the nurses arrived with the crash-cart. The doctors pushed Eddie away Maddie grabbing his arm with her trembling hands. This was just the first night and his heart had given up twice already. V-fib twice, twice she had to watch as her brother, her first baby, was shocked. The lightning had burned him, his chest now covered in Lichtenberg-figures. "He is stable." The cart was wheeled out of the room and with it Maddie and Eddie. Standin in the hallway was worse than sitting vigil at Bucks bedside. "Eddie?" Bobby was next to them now, the drinks in his hand long forgotten, "Did he crash again?" Maddie turned away her eyes glued to the white door. The doctor walked out,right into Maddies arms. "He is stable again but hsi heart still needs time to recover, now all we can do is wait." Maddie simply nodded, walking back inside, her jacket still on the chair, her bag on the floor. "I gotta go, Chim is uhm is gonna go to work and Jee is with him. Call me if anything, changes." Maddie pressed a soft kiss to his temple before slowly walking out. Bobby settled into Maddies abandoned chair on his left side, cross in his hands. Eddie sat on his right side, begging God to not take him from them yet. Not yet.

[thislifewechoose]

While waiting for Buck to wake up from his coma Bobby finds himself in the hospital chapel. It turns out another member of the 118 had the same idea.

[ghosthunterbuck]

these tangled threads

(buddie) (2.3k words) (6x11 spec) i've been back for five minutes and immediately decided i needed to write some spec fic so uh, here we are, have some coma!buck :)

Evan picks at a loose thread on his sleeve and stares at the screen in front of him. His latest in a long line of temp jobs has him feeling disquieted. Even more lost than usual, somehow. He wonders if it isn’t because he’s back in California.

It’s been years since he graced the west coast with his presence, and it’s hard to explain why he’s back now. 

It certainly isn’t for the work. Digitizing old files might be the worst job he’s ever had, and that includes the summer he spent digging drainage ditches in Florida. 

He’s felt restless, though, as of late, an itch beneath his skin that he can’t seem to scratch. Evan pulls at the thread again and a little more of his sleeve unravels. He lets the red string dangle and returns his attention to the file in front of him. 

June 22nd, 1985. 

Evan sighs quietly and flips the folder open. He arranges the sheets nestled inside by color. Red for fire, white for police, yellow for medical. He pulls the stack of red towards him and begins the process of painstakingly typing in each detail all over again. 

Twenty years of files and he hasn’t even made it through the first. 

…

He’s just begun working on the 26th when there’s a soft knock on the slightly ajar door to his closet-turned-office. A young woman pokes her head in and immediately wrinkles her nose. 

“Wow, I don’t think they could’ve found a darker room to put you in if they tried.”

“It’s uh– it’s… fine?” Evan ventures. 

The young woman snorts and pushes the door further open, allowing a small sliver of natural light to stain the carpet. 

“I’ll have to ask Eddie to find out for sure, but I’m pretty sure this is a fire code violation,” she says with a wry grin. 

Evan smiles, a little cautiously. “You’d know better than me,” he says, tapping the file in front of him, “my knowledge currently ends in 1985.”

The woman chuckles softly. “Anyway, a couple of us are going to grab lunch from the food truck across the street. You want to get out of this cave and come with?”

Evan bites his lip and glances at the stack of files to his left. 

“I’m May, by the way,” she says. 

“Evan,” he replies, but even as he says it, something about it feels wrong. Like the shape of his own name is unfamiliar to his tongue.

“Come on,” May says, backing out of the room but leaving the door wide open, “you’ll go crazy sitting in here all day.”

Evan stands before he’s consciously made the decision to do so. “You’re right,” he says. “Can’t stay here forever.”

…

The food truck reminds him a little of a postcard Maddie sent him a few years back, a generic one with no location and no return address. It’s funny, the way she’d flipped the script on him when she finally left Doug. 

He hasn’t gotten a new one in a few months, but who knows if the long string of forwarding addresses he’s kept is still intact. 

There’s a small group of blue and maroon polo-clad individuals huddled beneath a large beach umbrella nearby, and May leads him to them. 

“Hey guys! This is the new temp Sue mentioned yesterday, Evan,” she introduces him. 

Another wave of discomfort hits him and he frowns a little. He tries to wipe the expression off his face before anyone catches it, but at least one of them notices. His eyes narrow ever so slightly, but he doesn’t say anything. 

“Evan,” May continues, “this is Linda, Josh and Eddie.” She points to each of them in turn. 

Linda and Josh both offer him a warm greeting, but Eddie simply nods. He’s got dark circles under his eyes and a seemingly permanent furrowed brow, and Evan finds himself picking again at his frayed sleeve under the man’s scrutinizing gaze. 

Evan wants to look away, but finds that he can’t. 

The moment seems to stretch and pull into something more akin to molasses than time, slowly crystalizing into a shape that feels recognizable. Evan feels the urge to reach out, the inexplicable need to pull Eddie to safety. 

Eddie’s phone rings, and the moment shatters. 

“Excuse me,” he says, and Evan would swear he’s heard that voice before. 

…

By the time Eddie returns, Evan’s halfway through a taco and a story about his time as a ranch hand. The others seem interested enough, but Evan’s boring himself. He knows how the story ends – another place he couldn’t stay, another set of fraying loose ends. 

“Have we met before?” Eddie suddenly interrupts. 

Evan’s certain they haven’t, certain he would remember if they had, but there’s a nagging sensation in the back of his head that begs him to reconsider. “I’m not sure,” he says after a moment. 

“On a call, maybe?” Eddie presses. 

Evan shrugs helplessly. “I’ve never called 9-1-1,” he says. 

Eddie shakes his head impatiently. “I’m not a dispatcher,” he says. “I used to be a firefighter, though.”

An image flashes through Evan’s mind. It’s Eddie, but he looks younger. Or – maybe younger isn’t right. Less burdened. His posture is straight and he’s wearing turnouts and a warm smile. He has the look of someone who’s settled in his skin, someone who knows exactly who he is and isn’t afraid of that knowledge. He’s so incredibly familiar, but Evan knows they haven’t met. Not in this lifetime, anyway. 

He shakes his head again. “I’m sorry, I don’t think so. I haven’t been in LA in years.” Evan feels like he’s lying, even as he knows he’s telling the truth. 

Eddie’s lips twist into a small frown, a painful expression Evan is suddenly desperate to wipe away. 

“Who was on the phone?” he blurts. 

The question works, and Eddie’s frown fades into something closer to a tired smile. “My son,” he says, “Christopher.”

“Whoa, you got a kid?” Evan’s voice seems to echo in his own ears. 

Christopher, he’s seven. 

And super adorable. 

“One that’s growing up way too fast,” Eddie says. His tone is light, but the guilt in his expression says everything he doesn’t. 

He doing okay?

Better than me. 

Evan turns his attention back to his frayed sleeve, and realizes it isn’t just one string, it’s two, tangled so tightly together he’s sure they’ll never unwind. 

…

“Buck,” someone says, and Evan’s head snaps up so fast it hurts.

There’s no one there. He’s alone in his dingy longstay motel room, picking at a plate of microwave lasagna that makes him wish desperately that he’d learned how to cook somewhere along the way. 

The room shouldn’t feel silent, not with the buzzing air conditioner and thin walls, but it does and it’s oppressive. Evan flips on the TV and hopes it’ll be enough. 

A red headed reporter fills the screen, and something like anxiety twists in his chest. He reaches for the remote but freezes when the image changes. 

“...three alarm blaze that displaced multiple families was extinguished early this morning by multiple teams of firefighters. Incident commander Robert Nash commented at the scene.”

“Our team performed admirably tonight. We just wish you were there with us.”

Evan’s brow furrows and he sits back, watching as the camera pans to two paramedics bandaging the arm of a young firefighter with dark skin and a pained expression.

…

In the morning, a postcard from Maddie arrives. 

Strangely, the image on the front is of a small, nondescript house with three pairs of shoes set neatly by the front door. 

Evan flips the card over to read the inscription. 

We miss you. Please come home.

There’s no postage, and no return address. 

Evan shivers and grabs his hoodie from the bed. It’s only when he pushes his knuckles through the end of his sleeve that he notices his two strings have turned to nine, all varying degrees of tangled, though none as long or as tightly woven as the first two he’d noticed. 

His head aches, and he wishes more than anything he could follow Maddie’s instructions. 

Home though… he doesn’t know where that is. 

…

Evan finds himself at the pier with no memory of how he got there. It looks familiar but wrong, dotted with rides and attractions he knows are long gone. He looks to his left and finds a young boy staring at him, no older than eight. 

“You ever think about what you want to do with your life? What you want to be when you grow up?” the boy asks him. 

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Evan replies. 

The boy ignores him and continues speaking. “I hope you do find something you love,” he says. 

“I did,” Evan replies instinctively. He hesitates. “Or I thought…”

The boy looks at him, and suddenly he’s older. “It’s gonna be okay, Buck. The doctors can fix you.”

Evan gasps and stumbles back. There’s a roaring in his ears. He turns just in time to see the wave that swallows him whole. 

…

What am I supposed to do if you– you promised, Buck. Chris needs you, and I–

…

Evan sputters and coughs until a river flows from his mouth. He’s standing in a bathroom, in front of a mirror, covered in blood. 

The strings from his tattered sleeve wrap around his fingers now, difficult but not impossible to distinguish from the horrible stains on his skin. 

The door behind him swings open, and a man walks in. 

Immediately, Evan is comforted, though he doesn’t know why. 

“Everyone’s out there,” the man says. “Waiting.”

“Why?” Evan asks. 

The man frowns. 

“I was just the guy standing there when it happened,” Evan continues. 

“I need you to open your eyes, kid,” the man says. 

Evan blinks– once, twice, and he’s back in his office. 

…

The door swings open. 

“None of us are better off, you know,” a woman with a shaved head says as she steps into the room. “I know you think it sometimes, but we’re not.”

“I don’t understand,” Evan says. 

“Bobby’s a wreck. And Eddie… I’ve never seen him react like that to anything. Reminded me of you, actually.”

“You know me?” Evan asks, feeling more and more desperate. The walls around him feel like they’re closing in. 

“Point is, we don’t work without you. So I’m going to need you to wake up and come be a firefighter again, okay?” The woman turns on her heel and leaves. 

“Wait!” Evan calls, but it’s too late. 

He blinks again and finds himself in the middle of a grocery store, clutching a box of cat laxative to his chest. 

…

“Buck?” A man asks, striding towards him. He’s wearing a firefighter’s uniform and has a scar in the middle of his forehead. “Man, what are you doing here,” he says. It doesn’t sound like a question. 

“I'm just here to– to do some... some shopping,” Evan replies. 

The man shakes his head. “This isn’t right,” he says. “It isn’t supposed to happen like this. You need to come home.”

“I want to,” Evan whispers. “I don’t know how.”

The box falls from his hands, tearing at the red strings that no longer seem to come from his sleeve but from his skin instead. 

“Maddie’ll be back soon,” the man says. “She stayed with Jee overnight, but she’s on her way now. I know you’re not going to wake up for me, but maybe you could wake up for her? She needs you.”

The man claps Evan on the shoulder and spins him around, and suddenly he’s face to face with the sister he hasn’t seen in years. 

…

“Maddie!” Evan cries, throwing himself towards her. She catches him in a tight hug. 

“I miss you, little brother,” she says sadly. 

“I’m right here,” Evan says. 

“What happened to you,” Maddie whispers. 

Evan shakes his head. Tears begin to pool in the corners of his eyes. “I don’t know, Maddie. I’m scared.”

…

He’s flatlining again! 

Ma’am, please step back and let us do our jobs. 

That’s my brother!

And we’re doing everything we can to save him. 

…

Evan gasps awake in his motel room, alone again. Or maybe– he was alone the entire time. Just dreaming. It always feels so real. 

The TV is still on, but now it’s the weather. A grim meteorologist addresses him. 

“High winds and rain are in the forecast tonight, but the real danger is the lightning. Shelter away from tall trees and poles, and whatever you do, don’t go climbing any ladders.”

Evan shudders. The hair on the back of his neck stands on end. He’s in danger. 

The door swings open, and Eddie walks in. 

“Buck,” Eddie says, and though it isn’t his first time hearing the name, it’s the first time he understands that it’s his. 

Buck stands. 

“You have to open your eyes,” Eddie says, “okay? You have to.”

“I’m looking right at you,” Buck says softly. 

Eddie shakes his head and the meaning is obvious. You’re looking right at me, but you still don’t see.

“The doctor’s,” Eddie says shakily, “they say you might never wake up. But I don’t believe that, Buck. I know you. I know you better than they do and I know you’re not going to give up on us like that.”

Buck reaches out on instinct and lays his string wrapped hand over Eddie’s heart. 

In an instant, it all comes rushing back to him. 

“You have to wake up,” Eddie says. 

“I’m trying,” Buck gasps. 

“You have to, because I can’t do any of this without you, Buck. I don’t want to.”

Buck remembers the moment lightning struck him. He remembers the moment before the pain, remembers feeling, just for a moment, like he might be immortal. He remembers Eddie crying out his name. 

Eddie’s hands encircle his, and the red string tangles them together. 

“Please, Buck,” Eddie says, squeezing his hand. “Come home.”

With a herculean effort, Buck squeezes back.

[mellaithwen]

Fragile lines (and wasted time)

7461 words || buck/eddie || spoilers/spec fic for 6x11 While Buck sleeps, and dreams in the aftermath of the lightning strike, Eddie tries desperately to hold himself together.

Eddie barely remembers being behind the wheel of the ambulance, but thinks he might have held his breath for the whole drive. His chest certainly aches as though he had, and when the doctors say they’ll do their best for Buck, after they’ve finally got his heart beating again, it takes all of Eddie’s energy just to shout back; “do more!”

—Buck? Buck! Buck, can you hear me? Buck! Talk to me—

Because their best isn’t good enough. There’s no viable outcome for any of them, that ends with Buck being anything but okay. 

He has to get through this, he has to. 

For a second Eddie’s footing falters. He’s dizzy from the adrenaline—his head pounding—his heart’s beating too fast, and his eyes are burning with unshed tears.

He makes a move towards the doors—towards Buck —desperate to be near, desperate to reach out and bring Buck back from the brink for as many times as the universe will allow— don’t take him, not him, please—

But Bobby stretches out his arm to halt his progress, and Eddie stops, stock-still until he can’t even see Buck through the triage doors anymore. 

Chimney’s silent despair at his back speaks volumes, and the quiet whimper that comes out of Hen’s mouth makes Eddie’s insides run cold. 

He turns around to face his teammates, his family, and when Bobby reaches out to hold Hen close in a comforting embrace, Eddie doesn’t hesitate to do the exact same for Chim. They gravitate closer to each other until all four of them are leaning in close—holding the line—shored against the fragments of every worst-case-scenario they can imagine.

Their gear, still saturated with rainwater, leaves a growing puddle on the linoleum floor beneath their feet where they’re standing, and all they can do now is wait.

(keep reading on ao3)

[littlespoonevan]

catch us in the mirror and it looks a lot like love

6x11/6x12-ish spec (except not really), hurt/comfort, 1.2k

if you saw me use those lyrics as a fic title before no you didn’t!!!!!!! i couldn’t not use another place by bastille for this fic ok it was a necessity. i have been tagged in an abundance of wip wednesdays and seven sentence sundays recently with nothing to show for it (but please keep tagging me ok ily 💖) but nothing like a lightning strike to galvanise me into writing hurt/comfort again!!!! so here is some gentle buddie in the hospital bathroom 💛

-

Buck holds onto the sink with one hand as he tries to shrug his hospital gown off his shoulder. He definitely shouldn’t be out of bed unsupervised yet; he’s only been awake for a few hours and the doctors – or one of his friends – will probably rip him a new one if they find out. Still, he was unconscious for a day and a half and the nurse had told him his scar will probably be all but gone by the time he wakes up tomorrow.

She’d said it with so much reassurance – as if, by tomorrow, no one would ever physically be able to tell what happened to him.

He doesn’t know how to explain that he wants to see it. That he wants the physical proof, even if he only gets it for a day.

Because…because he gave his bone marrow to Daniel and it left so little an impression on him that he’d never even known it had happened. Because he donated his sperm for Connor and Kameron and there’ll be a baby at some point but Buck still won’t have anything to show for it.

Because he keeps giving so much of himself away that sometimes he expects to see an entirely different person when he looks in the mirror.

And at least, just this once, it won’t feel like he’s making all the pain up in his head.

Eventually, he manages to get one arm out of the gown and then the other, letting it pool around his waist and pressing his hips against the sink to hold it in place. It’s mostly a pointless endeavour but he’d like some modicum of decency if someone does come in. At least they’d left on his underwear.

He stare at himself then, at the way the mark starts at his neck and spiderwebs out across his shoulder towards the centre of his chest. Towards his heart.

He’d researched Lichtenberg figures once, after he’d read a book where a character had survived a lightning strike. It doesn’t prepare him for seeing it in person across his own skin. Lifting a hand, he touches it carefully with his index finger, following the path of the mark with a delicate touch. It doesn’t hurt, not really, but that could just be the cocktail of pain meds he’s on.

He drops his hand once he reaches the end of the mark where it peters off between his ribs but he can’t make himself look away from it.

It’s the same place where Eddie got shot, he realises after a beat. And then he wants to laugh because if there was ever an emotional trauma he had nothing to show for, it was that one. Maybe that’s what this is. Some kind of reminder that something irrevocably changed in him that day and he’s never been the same since.

Talk about the universe screaming at you.

As if summoned by his thoughts, Eddie appears in the doorway behind him. He doesn’t say anything as he leans against the doorjamb but his eyes meet Buck’s in the mirror and Buck’s knees suddenly feel a little weak.

He’s still reeling from the dream he’d had while he’d been sedated. It had been the perfect life – everything he’s always said he wanted – but Eddie and Christopher weren’t there.

It’s that, he thinks, that has him blurting out, “We match,” without thinking.

Eddie’s reflection blinks and Buck watches as he pushes off the doorframe and steps further into the room. The bathroom is tiny, just a toilet and a sink and a shower, and Eddie stands so close to his back Buck thinks if he let go of the sink Eddie would catch him.

“What d’you mean?” Eddie asks, voice so soft it makes Buck’s chest ache in a way that has nothing to with the lightning strike or his cracked ribs.

“The scar,” he explains, wetting his lips against the sudden dryness in his mouth. “It’s the same shoulder as your scar from-“

He doesn’t finish his sentence. He doesn’t need to when Eddie’s eyes immediately flicker down to where both of their shoulders are lined up, one behind the other. And Buck knows that one patch of skin on Eddie’s shoulder like the back of his hand – has pressed down on it with enough pressure to keep him alive, has covered it with dressing and cleaned it to prevent infection, has rubbed ointment on it to stop it from scarring too bad. Has touched it just because he wanted to remember Eddie’s alive.

“What are we measuring here, Buck?” Eddie catches his gaze again in the mirror, the corner of his mouth twitching. It’s different from the last time he asked that question – tense and frustrated in the back of an ambulance. Now, it’s quiet and fond and filled with that nudging kind of gentleness Eddie always uses on him when he feels fragile.

Everything is different from the last time he asked that question, really.

Buck doesn’t quite manage a laugh but the breath that puffs out of him could be one on another day.

“Nothing,” he says. “I just…”

“I know,” Eddie says and Buck is dying to know what he’s thinking, is dying to ask what Eddie’s been thinking while Buck was unconscious.

“I missed you,” he confesses – because his dream is still clinging to the corners of his mind and he can’t explain the way it’d left a gaping hole in him until he’d finally had Eddie at his side again when he’d woken up.

Eddie visibly startles at the words and Buck watches the way he silently tries to pick them apart before he speaks.

“You were unconscious,” Eddie points out finally.

Buck shrugs, ignoring the way his shoulder twinges. “Still missed you.”

Eddie’s expression softens and he seems to sway forward without realising, until the fabric of his sweater is brushing Buck’s back. “I missed you too,” he murmurs.

Buck gives in then, lets himself let go of the sink and lean back until his back connects with Eddie’s chest. He hardly has to move an inch.

Eddie’s hands land at his sides instantly, as if to steady him, but all he does is let them rest there. Eddie’s temple brushes his own and Buck closes his eyes, feeling something akin to peace settle over him for the first time in too long.

He doesn’t know how long they stand like that but, eventually, Eddie pats his side, his voice low at Buck’s ear. “Come on. Let’s get you back to bed.”

Buck opens his eyes and finds Eddie staring back at him in the mirror. Wordlessly, he lets Eddie help him pull the gown up over his chest, covering the scar once again. Eddie takes hold of him then, one hand at Buck’s elbow and the other clasped in Buck’s as they make the slow walk back out to the hospital room.

And when Buck is back in bed and Eddie’s thumb sweeps across the back of his hand right before he lets go, Buck thinks the perfect life his dream had tried to sell could never have gotten this right.

[wikiangela-fanfics]

can't stop thinking about "do more" so I'm writing something sad again, what is this show doing to me lmao, here are two short excerpts, it's gonna be posted later today, once I'm done with it

(...) He can hear himself say “Do more”, because…  Because he knows that “their best” is not always enough. He’s seen it, he’s lived through it, he’s been on the other side of this. How many times on their calls one of them had to say “we’ll do our best” to a victim’s loved one, only for them to die, even on the scene.  Just like Buck, his mind supplies. Buck died.  His heart stopped.  It stopped beating, and he wasn’t breathing, and Eddie’s heart might’ve stopped as well. It certainly felt like it did. (...) He can’t help but think that this is some kind of sick joke from the universe, which he doesn’t believe but he knows Buck would. “The universe is screaming at you and you refuse to listen” is what Buck said once, it feels like a lifetime ago. He didn't believe it, then, either. And now the universe is mocking Eddie, having him have to tell their kid about Buck, just like Buck had to tell him about the shooting. Eddie doesn’t know how Buck did it, how he had the strength, because he’s on the verge of breaking down and shattering into a million little pieces.

Edit: it's posted

[the-likesofus]

please

911 Fox | Eddie POV | 6x11 spec | 195 Words

The weight of Buck’s hand has become familiar to Eddie and he hates it. He hates that he could find each of Buck’s callouses from memory, hates that if he squeezes hard enough he can almost feel the pulse in Buck’s veins, and he hates that Buck never squeezes back. 

The way Buck’s eyelashes brush against the tops of his cheeks has become familiar too, as has the pale scar along the base of his chin, and the smooth edges of his birthmark. He could probably draw it if someone asked him to. 

Eddie has become familiar with the smallest details of Buck’s features and yet he is starting to forget. He is forgetting what his smile looked like, where the creases around his eyes would fold into place, and the others colors amongst the blue of his eyes. 

There is a hole in his gut that has been gaping and yearning from the instant he recognized Buck’s limp form hanging from the extended arm of the ladder truck until this moment as he sits next to Buck’s bedside, his lifeless hand clutched between Eddie’s palms. As he begs to a universe who has never listened.

“Please.”

"Please, he's mine"

"I need him back."

"I need him"

[bucktommys]

also in honour of 6x11 being my favourite episode of all time i thought i’d do a very quick lil fic rec list of my favourite time loop/alternate universe fuckery/dream fics. this is by no means definitive or comprehensive and i know im missing so many more so if u have any others pls pls feel free to rec them bc i actually love this genre of fic so much i could read it all day

keep going, keep going come what may by @fcntasmas​ - reading this fic for the first time damaged me in the best way. i wont spoil it so i cant give any real good summary but just read it its a++++

my words are paper tigers by @hattalove​ - all i can say is that i read this fic once a week for mental health purposes. basically buck breaks up with eddie and then gets caught in a time loop and its just. wow i should reread it again today i think

don’t take the money by @hmslusitania​ - the time loop fic of all time? the time loop fic of all time. time loop fuckery circa monsters and the lawsuit arc and its just soooooo good. also chimney immediate believer no1 stan

burn the straw house down by @hoediaz​ - this fic is SAUR good god. buck and eddie get trapped in their own time loops. the buck/maddie siblings dynamic in this is GOD TIER there’s a line near the end that i won’t spoil but GOD i burst into TEARS the first time i read it. u will know which one as soon as u read it. (also by zoe is this fic which is similar alternate universe fuckery and SO GOOD pls read) 

the persistence of memory by @anxieteandbiscuits​ - i read this like on the verge of tears the whole way through. its so so good and so beautiful and i was forever changed afterwards. basically au where buck gets shot instead and eddie time loops in despair UGH its amazing) (also again by sami is her most recent fic it’s a dream fic and 6x11 spec and SO beautiful omg)

it's funny 'cause i've always dreamed of me and you by @capseycartwright - dream fic/its a wonderful life au fic!!!!!!!! this fic means everything to me you don’t even understand. its so soft and tender and ugh. i love love love it. 

again plz let me know if there r others bc i would happily read 600 more fics of this variety

[rogerzsteven]

Psssst look here

Omg hiii, what is this???? I hear you say.

It's my current bthb card!! I'm abandoning it!!!

It's been more than a year since I've been working on this card, and a lot has happened during that time; now that I'm somewhat back to writing (I think) I realized I don't want to work on the remaining prompts because I'm not feeling them anymore.

That being said, new card is on the way lmao

Anyways here is what I wrote for my third card all under one post and I hope you've enjoyed them

Sensory Deprivation

Buck is kidnapped and put in a white room. The aftermath is heavy.

Addiction/Withdrawal

Buck takes a drug without knowing and suffers from detoxing.

Hallucinations

Buck and Eddie have an argument, things escalate.

Bleeding Through the Bandages

The 118 is stuck in the firehouse, and Buck is hurt.

Dissociation

In which Buck dissociates, and Eddie helps him.

Nightmares

Buck is having trouble sleeping, Eddie offers to stay with him.

Shaking and Shivering

It's one of those days where after the lightning strike, Buck just feels tired.

Hypothermia

A building collapses on Buck during a call.

Suffocation

Working himself to exhaustion, Buck gets sick at the station.

Burns

Buck isn't okay. Maddie and Eddie help him.

Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

At his low, Buck uses rough sex as a way of self harm.

Acid Burns

Buck gets hurt on a call.

Vivisection

Buck is kidnapped. Eddie brings him home.

Concussion

When Buck and Eddie are out of town, things go south and Buck gets hurt.

"I'm Fine"

In which recovery isn't linear, and Buck has a bad day.

Voice Breaking

Buck is sick. Chris and Eddie take care of him.

Craddling Someone in Their Arms

Buck is struggling, Maddie and Eddie help.

Childhood Trauma

In his sleep, Buck dreams of a childhood he never had. Until he keeps wanting more and Eddie catches up on that.

Hospital Stay

Buck gets sick.

Trying Not to Cry

Eddie waits for Buck to wake up. (6x11 spec fic)

[buddieisgoingtohappen]

Buddie Gets Hit By Lightning fics

Path Of The Lightning Bolt

When Eddie and Buck are both injured after they're struck by lightning and thrown off the truck, the team rallies around them. Meanwhile, Eddie figures out that he's in love with his best friend.

No grave can hold my body down

“I - they - they wouldn’t let me stay with you. I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t - I couldn’t leave you, Buck. I couldn’t.” And then Eddie - Eddie - is weeping. An anguished, wretched thing that echoes through Buck’s body like a siren call. It burrows under his skin, seeps into his blood, and his bones, and his marrow.

in a flash

buck has a near death experience, ruminates on the past, and thinks about his future.

I need to feel his heartbeat

Eddie is distraught as he watches Buck's heart stop beating after being struck by lightning. Although Eddie is also injured, no one can stop him from going to Buck.

leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

“He saved me. He saved me and all I did- All I could do was pull his line. It’s my fault. I should have… I didn’t get there quick enough. I should have gone up the ladder for him, Buck doesn’t like heights that much-”. “Eddie.” Hen interrupts, unable to hear anymore of this spiel. “You saved him. That’s how he’ll remember it.”

wake up, stay with me

Buck is struck by lightning on the ladder, and Eddie does everything he can to keep Buck with him, to bring him back, and he spends more hours than he can keep track of just praying that he comes back to him so he can say all of the things that he now realises he's been holding back

And if I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes, too

When Buck is gravely injured in a lightning strike on a call, Eddie is left to deal with the immediate fallout, including breaking the news to a devastated Christopher.

My Superhero, Buck Flash

Christopher visits his father who’s in a coma and wills him to wake up using superhero talk!

The couch is right there

Eddie saw that lightning bolt hit Buck, he saw Buck fall off the ladder, he himself tried to get him down but was struck too, and now when he awakes, his first and only thought is ‟Buck”.

You were bigger than the whole sky

When Buck wakes from a vivid coma dream, he feels like he's lost everything he's ever wanted, and he doesn't know how to get past it and go back to living his reality. 6x11 spec fic

I don't know what's real and what's a dream. It's all so confused.

After the lightning strike. Buck wakes up from the coma and doesn't know what is real and what he has dreamed. He mistakenly thinks Eddie is his husband. They're not even a couple. Everything plays along to help Buck recover. Except Buck's parents.

broken pieces fit together

When Buck gets home from the hospital, he stays with the Diazes - and stays in Eddie's bed. Maybe Eddie isn't the only one getting comfort from it.

Terror and Time

Based on the image of Christopher sitting beside Buck's hospital bed. Eddie's POV and emotions.

I've known it from the moment that we met (no doubt in my mind where you belong)

Buck wakes up from a coma and he and Eddie find comfort in each other in the hospital.

“You’re my angel… oh angel” (Eddie prays)

Eddie can’t lose Buck, his angel and the love of his life. After Buck’s wheeled into the ER, Eddie goes to the hospital’s chapel to ask, no plead for him to live.

Can you hear me screaming (please don't leave me)

He can feel Buck’s ribs creaking under the force of his compressions - how strange a thing, when Eddie has only ever wanted to keep Buck from harm. But now his bones are cracking under Eddie’s weight, under his desperation to keep Buck in this world with him.

I’m afraid of what you’ll see, right now

After Buck recovers from the lightening strike, Eddie is distant and trying to be stoic. One night Buck shows up for impromptu movie night. Chris is thrilled while Eddie barely holds it together. During the moving Chris lays his head over Buck's heart and listens to the beat, and then tells his dad to come and do the same. Before Eddie can protest Buck's pulling him in. The steady beat fills Eddie's ears and he finally looses it spectacularly, full emotional catharsis. Love ensues

Please Don't Take Our Sunshine Away

Staring down at Buck Christopher felt his heartbreaking as he looked at the man he had come to see as his second dad. "Buck, I know you can hear me and I know that you are fighting to come back to all of us. We miss you and we are all lost without you. Dad needs you to come back. I need you to come back to us. I never got the chance to tell you that I love you so much pops. That I hoped one day you and dad would realize what we all know that you two are meant to be. You love each other so much. Dad and I aren't whole without you, it is like the sun has hidden behind the clouds and it won't come back out until you wake up. Please pops come back to us." Christopher begged his shoulders shaking with his sobs. Buck's family waits for him to wake up.

In My Head, I'm Yours

While in a coma, Buck dreamt that he was married to Eddie. When Eddie finds out, he freaks out, thinking Buck found out about his unrequited feelings for Buck.

You promised not to leave me

Buck is in a coma and Chris reacts unexpectedly. He yells at the unconscious man and says he hates him. Eddie talks to his son, who desperately wants Buck back. Chris apologizes to Buck and tells him to keep swimming. As a reminder of how they survived the tsunami. After a while, Eddie understands how Buck must have felt after the shooting. The feelings overwhelm him.

Chris talks to “his Buck”

Chris talks to “his Buck/second dad” while Buck's in a coma.

To Say It Better, Although We've Said It Before

Eddie takes care of Buck during his recovery from the lightning strike.

even if we're married?

eddie really needs to stop dropping life-changing news on buck in hospitals

if you fall, i'll fall with you

Eddie makes a few confessions to get Buck to truly understand how important he is.

like the peel clings to the pomegranate

Buck recovers and doesn't quite realize what he means to others.

the safest place you've found

“That’s not—” Eddie starts, but cuts himself off as he snaps his mouth shut. “It’s different, Buck.” “How?” Buck asks, cheeks a heady pink. He steps into Eddie’s space, the anger nearly evaporating into something more quiet and devastating. “How is it different?” And this. This is what breaks him. “Because,” Eddie nearly yells, “you were able to save me from the line of fire, but I couldn’t pull you up the ladder!”

Flashes

Buck is in a coma and Christopher's not handling it well.

Wishful Thinking

While in a coma, Buck dreams of a life where he and Eddie are together. When he wakes up, still stuck in the dream, he kisses Eddie, only for reality to come crashing down on him.

fever dream high in the quiet of the night (it's you)

buck visits coma dream eddie aka angry guy™ in that alternative universe and when he wakes up, some conversations are had and they step a little closer to what they really want.

just the memory of your face

Buck and Eddie watch a movie and Eddie has a panic attack as he watches the main character mourn his love interest.

Lying, among other things you shouldn't be doing to a Firefighter

what if Buck gained the ability to tell when people are lying after the lightning strike? and what if he completely denies the existence of said ability?

It's no coincidence that your hand fits perfectly in mine

Buck gets hurt on a call, and Eddie isn't prepared to see him in a hospital bed again so soon after the lightning strike.

My Kind of Happiness

When Buck is struck by lightning, he wakes up as a 14 year old kid who thinks he's still in Pennsylvania, alone after Maddie left him. Although his parents try to take him back, Evan decides to stay and learn about the life he built in California. And what an amazing life it is.

Lightning Strikes Twice on Nights Like These

Eddie shows up at Buck's loft, dripping wet while a storm rages around him. There's lightning in the distance and Buck knows why he's here without having to ask. You're here because I died on a night like this. So when Eddie parts his lips to ask to come in - Buck steps aside. For on a night when lightning strikes, he could use the company.

Recovery

Buck wakes up in the Diaz home after the lightning strike to find himself surrounded by family.

Last updated: 12/12/23