#8. I will never be good enough.
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#yyyYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I LOVE THIIIIIIIIIIS THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII#IIIIIIIIIIIIIIING#wooloo#MY FUNNY LITTLE FUCKIGN CCREATURE. jSJFLKHALFASJHFSALJ:DAb.#okay hi. this thing was my icon on tumblr for a while after it was revealed before gen 8 came out#pretty much every generation that comes out there's just that One pokémon that makes me go ouoouhruhhghuoHRUOgHOURGHO#and this was that one for swsh. for hisui it was growlithe. and for sv it was fidough#but this thing. oooooooohohohohohoho this thing#i liked this thing through some. strange identity parts of my life where i was still figuring out who i even Was#and it's gonna stick with me because of that#if only it was like. good. to use. in-game. and also. was in sv. i think it was only ever in swsh and never anything else#yeah it was only ever in swsh. which is sad! for me‚ specifically. and the other wooloo fans out there who may or may not exist#but it's fine if you don't because i have enough love for wooloo to go around for all of us
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Dear supervisors at work
You do not get to tell me to suck it up
I have endometriosis
I am sucking it up
It's a miracle I'm even at work right now so please
Shut
Up
Sincerely, the kid you shouldn't be getting this mad at over a debilitating and incurable condition
Nia
#my supervisors suck pt 2#this is how im venting my anger#one of them said to my other coworker id never be able to have a real job#im working 8 hours a day 5 days a week here#and nothing i do is good enough for them anyways so what does it matter#real job my ass#i know about the real world then i should
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this is how i wanna die. everyone take note: if hoshina doesn't materialize and strangle me between his massive fucking biceps, then i refuse to pass away
#i will remain immortal#as god intended#i cannot stress this enough#i am SO JEALOUS of kafka#me next me next#i swear men never realize how good they have it#yet another male privilege#smh#hoshina soshiro#soshiro hoshina#hibino kafka#kafka hibino#kaiju no. 8#kn8
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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can we just get one good life sim game please. and Soon instead of 10 yrs from now.
#talkys#i dont understand how the s/ms never had any real competitors#i keep getting sad wrt like damn. FoM in my eyes is the only farming sim thats been up to snuff since stardew in a genre#that ppl now consider oversaturated but its just the illusion of it bc so many of these games are either not good or um Ugly#and i need to take it slow once it releases bc the next good game will likely take another 8+ years to be developed by someone#anyway its adjacent here like i knowwww making a life sim takes time why arent more people doing it. LMAO...said half jokingly ykwim#like ive been waiting long enough and the only prospects rn are ugly hyperrealism you'd need a space station to access and#well i WAS excited for p/ralives but i feel it keeps looking worse with every update?? 😭#please god i need life sim to Live. and also for us to abandon realistic graphics in games stylization is always much better#KILL EA NEOWWWWWWW
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Like 99% of the time I post digital art, I'm just trying something.
#batman#bruce wayne#dick grayson#robin#dc comics#fanart#my art#digital art#krita#do I kind of hate it? yes. It is still better than what I have done before? I hope so.#stop reading the tags I need to vent and I don't wanna here any of y'all complain about it#I hate that I'm so bad at this like I'm not good enough It's so frustrating it's so easier for others and me I'm making average stuff#you give it one look and you will never again it doesn't do shit it doesn't have the thing good art have it's not good enough#I'm a perfectionist but I have not been able to do anything perfectly since I was 8
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decided to do a little "return to form" with some silly pixel art!! :3
i don't remember what possessed me to draw these two specifically hanging out but whatever, it was fun! i had fun!!!
alt version where he's rambling about the weird fucked up polycule situation he put himself in lol
#i'll talk about the “polycule” thing some other time cuz i have a lot of thoughts about the three of them#but for now that little triangle chart is good enough#every so often i go “aw i love doing pixel art its so satisfying why did i stop doing it?”#and then it smash cuts to eighteen and a half hours later and you see me staring at my computer screen with sunken bloodshot eyes#and the most insane case of shrimp posture ever exhibited by a human being#erasing and then replacing the same two goddamn pixels trying to figure out what the hell i'm doing wrong here for it to look so off#and then i zoom out to discover i've been tracing over the worst piece of shit sketch ever crafted by human hands#and so i set my PC on fire in shame and crawl back into my burrow#vowing never to do pixel art ever again#and then like 8 month pass and i go “aw i love doing pixel art its so satisfying why did i stop doing it?” and the cycle repeats itself#/hj#the amazing world of gumball#tawog#gumball watterson#tbh creature#autism creature#my art#gumball tawog#tawog gumball#gumball#tawog fanart#tawog fan art#fan art#pixel art#colored lineart#colored line art#yippee
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“you used to be so happy as a child-”
AGGHHHHH SHUT UPPP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUTUPSHUTUP STOP
#OHH MY GOD YOU THINK I DONT KNOW THAT???? YOU THINK I DONTKNOW HOW MUCH HAPPIER AND FUCJING. NORMAL I WAS? I DO. I FUCKING DO#but THANK you for reminding me like i wasnt already fucking wallowing in self pity enough i dont need you giving me more reason to!!!!!!#a good cry would help out so much#but unfortunately#i can only cry on the rare occasions god grants me the permission to#which happens next to never!! ♡#vent#i just want to sleep#im fucking tired!!!$!!$+++!!+$+$8+$(6$+ of just today or my whole existence? who knows lol!!!!!#edgy hours😨😨😨👂🏼👂🏼👂🏼👂🏼👂🏼 ignore this#i js need an outlet
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the genre of canon divergence where it sounds interesting but then it bashes the canon it's 'fixing' in the comments when you actually liked how canon went, too 😔
#s4 canon divergences where they 'fix' shit my beloathed#dragons gets salty#sort of#can u tell i've only written one (1) fix it fic in my life and it was bc literally everything after s1 of an 8 season show was bad#to the point that literally No One had character arcs and the plot stopped making Any sense in any way#like going 'oh this other avenue would've been my preference'#or 'this didn't quite work for me / i wanted to explore something else' fair enough#but 'i'm gonna fix s4's awful writing' no ur not#update: i skipped to the reunion bc the prose was good and i was curious and#i've never seen a more OOC callum in my life dear god
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#ursaluna#they look SO distraught that they have to be regular ursaluna instead of blood moon ursaluna#what the fuck even happened with blood moon ursaluna?? it had a super fun questline but why the hell was it so. sought-after#was it super busted or something? i assume so‚ considering the level of power creep that was already in gen 9#and especially the level of power creep that we saw with gen 8's DLC in urshifu that i've already talked about#i also like. never even used this thing as a mount in legends arceus. they made me use it for the one quest we got it for#and then never again. it wasn't fast enough to replace wyrdeer and the items it found were like. never that good#so it just never got used. soz ursaluna :( that must be why they put it in gen 9. to make it more popular. then they succeeded..!#now folks are trading shinies for this thing on the pokémon home gts#well. not this thing. the bloodmoon version of this thing. soz again ursaluna :(
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decided to make a list of all my diagnosed issues and like fucking. god damn. how am i just living day to day.
#nine bullet points#of diagnosed things i struggle#i struggle with#1. type one diabetes 2. adhd 3. bipolar 4. severe anxiety 5. depression 6. insomnia 7. migraines 8. dpdr 9. ptsd#and im just ?? existing like this??? literally how what the fuck#there’s more than that too thats just like the actual able to be diagnosed shit#probably also at least slightly autistic but my psychologist said that its not bad enough to impact me big time and a diagnosis would do mor#more harm than good so im just kind. Not lmao#but also: abandonment issues self worth issues guilty conscience issues feeling unworthy of literally everything issues#awful at establishing boundaries#sh issues#(not for like years but its a struggle to not relapse every year esp during winter)#suicidal ideation but at least ive never actually been suicidal#not bc i particularly love being alive but because the fact that i dont know what comes after death scares me too much lmao#even at my lowest of lows i have not wanted to kms SOLELY bc the unknown scares me enough to be like#yeah this sucks but at least i know it#at least it’s like familiar which is sad but still true lma#OH ALSO eating disorder lmao. diabulimia is a thing.#genuinely how have i not been fucking hospitalized#not in a bad way but like. idk how i havent gotten to that point yet#tho to be fair there are multiple points i probably should have been tbh#i just. dont want to worry people? or inconvenience anyone. and i know im not gonna kms so its easy to be like ‘i dont need that’#i have overshared way too much in these tags sorry i’ll stop now#if anyone has actually read all of these: i’m sorry. i love you. i hope you feel better than i do. i hope you smiled today.
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i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that
#mostly i've just seen like “how dare you ask questions you just want an excuse to murder you're sealioning ect”#or worse some vague and wildly improbable nonsense about like. fake robot animals covered in beyond meat or something equally convoluted#which is a thing i did see someone suggest as a serious answer#i mean i already know they think i'm a genetically inferior hateful vampire that should starve to death for the greater good#because my exact combination of health conditions make meat basically the only semi-safe way i can get close to enough nutrients#i know this because they have repeatedly told me that i'm either evil or should be sacrificed or both#and yelled at me for asking questions by bringing up the whole disabled thing and then they're like#“a lot of vegans i know are advocates for disability!” as if that ever means jack shit in the society that results from anything#no matter what you do a vast majority of people in any given society will *not* be advocates for the disabled. i'm sorry they just won't.#and what do you think public perception of people who physically can't survive like that is going to skew towards#in a society founded on the belief that non-vegan diets are evil?#at absolute best we're looking at being a heavily marginalized class generally seen as something like vampires and our existences taboo.#(as if these type's own insistence that they should be allowed to harass and shame people doesn't disprove their assertion that we won't be#thinking it could possibly go any better than that is a fucking fairy tale. human nature doesn't work that way.#you simply cannot eliminate the human desire to designate and abuse a class of have-nots. the absolute best you can do is mitigate damage.#take it from someone who's been multiple kinds of disabled and chronically ill all my life. people will not “just”. ever.#i get this even from people who are otherwise very aware of and VERY GOOD at avoiding this sort of thinking#“i'm a disability advocate!” no you are not. you are a poster. my experience has taught me that what people advocate for in their free time#means precisely jack shit for how they will actually act when faced with the situations they make otherwise rational posts about#and the fact of the matter is even if you somehow really are the perfect disability advocate a majority of people WILL NOT BE YOU.#a majority of people in society will be margrat from accounting who clutches her pearls when she sees the gays and thinks autism isnt real#and who has never had a nuanced thought in her life and actively does not want to#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will not be you and your friends who march with wheelchair users and volunteer at the shelte#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will be jenny who starved 8 cats to death on broccoli because she can't be bothered#and who thinks that “carnivores” are actual nazis and don't deserve healthcare because she saw someone say that online.#ALWAYS assume your society will be made up mostly of the worst kind of person it can because it WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE and you can't change it#most people seek the low-effort option. and evil is most often banal and low-effort.#i'm just so fucking tired of every single even vaguely lefty-adjacent political movement simultaneously acting like i don't fucking exist#and at the same time that i need to be sacrificed to achieve Utopia. god. at least conservative whackjobs are upfront and honest about#how they think that i'm a burden on society that needs to be Eugenics'd . rather than trying to morally gaslight me about it.
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Do you think if I wish hard enough my mom will get electrocuted by a string of Christmas lights and just go up in a cloud of smoke. It’d be a Christmas miracle
#I’m not even DOWN THERE YET and I want to fucking KILL HER#I have to work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. I live four hours away from my family#I told her this MANY TIMES I said I’ll drive down after work on Christmas Eve be there Christmas morning but I need to leave by 3-4 to get#home at a reasonable hour so I can have time to unpack/catch up on a couple days of chores/get plenty of sleep#she called me last night and told me she didn’t schedule Christmas stuff until SIX PM#and when I said why tf did you do that I’m not staying that late#she got mad and upset and was like ‘it’s the only time everyone is free :(‘#BUT THEN proceeded to tell me we were having lunch with her HUSBAND’S family at noon#(ppl I am not close with never have been literally don’t talk to)#and everyone I know is like ‘just leave when you said you were going to anyways’#and like yeah I could but then my family is gonna be ENRAGED that I didn’t do Christmas stuff with them#and they’re like ‘well explain that your mom didnt listen to when you said you needed to leave’#but the thing is. no matter what. they’re going to take her side#I should sacrifice my time and comfort to spend time with them because they’re FAMILY#never mind that literally not a SINGLE ONE OF THEM has EVER come up to visit me#IM always expected to drive down there. but that sacrifice doesn’t count it’s not good enough#but if I stay that late I won’t be getting home until AT LEAST midnight or later#cuz my family has no fucking concept of time so if it starts at six that means it doesn’t ACTUALLY start until 7 so most of them might be#there by 8 so I’ll be expected to stay until at least 10 to sufficiently catch up with all of them#I’m going to scream I’m going to cry#if I leave early I’m the awful ungrateful terrible bitch who never comes to see any of them#but none of them could adjust their days by just a few hours to see me before I needed to leave#FOR MY FUCKING JOB !!!!!!!! SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUT OF MY CONTROL#and like the thing is. my piece of shit manipulative bitch mother#I KNOW she did this on purpose#I know she didn’t plan this until six to FORCE me to stay longer because she was mad I wasn’t staying long#(again… because of work… something I can’t control)#so she’s orchestrated this to put me in this position#where I have to suck it up and stay and be exhausted and have tired migraines for a week cuz I get only a couple hours of sleep and then#or leave and make everyone pissed. I hate her so FUCKING much
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I would give so much to never have to see Jiang Cheng discourse again.
#unforth rambles#cql#ive curated my mdzs experience effectively enough that i almost never see jc antis anymore#but i just found a new one and its just wild#how antis think theyre the only unbiased ones and argue in such bad faith#bUt ItS jUsT cAnOn#look if you hate a character so much that you make an entire blog to tell people who like that character that they are wrong#it doesnt even matter if youre right or wrong about canon#youre still an asshole and you really need a new hobby#like seriously in what universe is that a good or mentally healthy way to spend your time#just block the people you disagree with and focus on what you like#instead of obsessing over ~debunking~ what other people like#youll never convince them youll just marinate and end up surrounded solely by other people who are also full of hate#what a depressing life#anyway i was able to block like 8 new people#blocking jc antis is a point based game and i am winning
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I would also be cool if Barry and Iris just like... pulled their children out of the timeline like Wally did for his kids.
If that happened then they'd be the same age as Irey and Jai.
There is no doubt in my mind that the tornado twins will either be the same age as the west twins or the same age as Wally's new baby.
They're setting up a cousin/childhood friends situation with the younger Wests and Allens. And they're paralleling Wally and Barry.
#i actually like this one better tbh#put the twins at 8 yo with Irey and Jai#combine the twins#they are now the quadruplets. rogues beware#i think itd be fun if you just have this pack of chaos children. bonded in blood. unmoored from time. forged in lightning. late for dinner#just peak hijinks material#and im all about the hijinks#look i know barry never met his kids before he (and they) died. and i know Iris raised them solo before she had to watch them die as well#im just saying why make her birth twins twice#hasn't she suffered enough?#Bart's unmoored from time. if they take the twins from the timeline to raise them together then Bart will be fine#he won't marty mcfly. hes immune. hes good#so anyway let Iris fuck with the timeline and get her kids back#dc#dc comics#the flash#barry allen#wally west#kid flash#tornado twins#iris west#iris west allen#irey west#jai west
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anyways sry its not srs eventually ill get it together . and be a person again. one day
#its just like atm everything that i need is like . not possible. which is oartially my brain being like We have to do this before we this#which sometimes isnt true but sometimes is#like i cant get medicated again or back seeing a psych or back on t until i get a job again#but i cant get a job again utnil i get my ged <- partially untrue but ged would make it a lot easier#but i cant get my ged until i have a job bc it costs money <- if i asked my parents they would probably help me If they had money 2 spare#since like. yk. they want ne to be able to work again so i have money again and ill be another source of income and they care abt me also .#affirmations . ppl donot just see me as a piggy bank they do see me as a person im not judt someone to squeeze money out of thats not how#ppl view me and its fine its fine its fine its fine . it feels so stupid being scared abt that i feel like a rich person whos like She only#likes me for my money 😭 like stfuuu annoying ass. i just ummmm. have a massive fear of debt and like. ppl demanding money from me#unexpectedly or expecting i am going to give them money. not in like a Ohhh fucking ppl want me to donate not it at all im happy to donate#but in like. god this is dumb. eveeytime i got birthday or christmas money as a kid i had to give it to my parents so they could buy food or#gas or whatever. and it never got paid bsck and it felt like shit. but i couldnt ever say no bc then itd be My fault we didnt have food that#week . yk. my first paycheck i had to give it all to my mom for groceries and we got in a fight in the store bc she was like Ok im gonna go#buy pop and my dumbass got upset abt it bc like. my mom told me itd be Necessities nd like. yk. wtvr. it was fucking stupid my entire family#r caffeine addicts so pop is a necessity i was just. rly upset and it felt like my parents saw my money as just. theirs but they had to ask#abt it so i wouldnt get pissy. yk. and they ask me for money a lot usually for food and i dont mind but it like. idk im rly paranoid abt#being a provider and ive got a Lot of guilt abt like. anytime we dont have enough food it feels like my fault bc it was my fault when i wasa#kid if i didnt give up my christmas money for pizza. or whatever. idk its so dramatic like i didnt need the money i was 8 it was selfish of#me to wanna buy fucking. toys or whatever that wasnt more important than My parents being able to get to work or my siblings being able to#fucking. literally eat. or paying bills. like its selfish that im like wahhh wahhh but i wanted to buy vibeo game wif my bday money i#shouldve judt been fucking grateful i was able to help my family. wtvr. I hate connor. wtvr#n then the shit with ugh last year like. yk. and stuff. and then the them stealing 1000 from me not getting into it b4 i get mad. idk.#and im just lazy now i need to get a job again but all the shit like. as i was saying earlier b4 i started whining. idk. i should be happy#that i get to help w bills and stuff that was my dream as a kid#like ever since i was 5 when i was fantasizing abt my future i was like Im gonna marry a prince and then ill be able to afford to pay all of#my families bills and my parents and siblings will be able to go to college and be happy and maybe never have to work bc ill be able to#handle it and ive always like. yk. when i was a dumbass kid i was like Ill go to college so i can get a good job and be useful. of course i#cant ever go to college bc im fucking. useless. and itd just be another burden on my family if i was in debt bc i couldnt help them as much#if i had debt and itd be selfish. and it doesnt matter bc im too stupid to go to college anyway. idk. i wish i could just fix everything#it just feels awful rn im literally just a drain and my family doesnt say it to me yk like. ik theyre happy imback i think they are
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