#9/10 any art I post is at least a couple of weeks old because I’m ridiculously self-conscious of it

[hazyange1s]

A firebender!Seb AU that was rotting in my brain while watching the live action Avatar

used this photo of zuko as a ref 🔥

[nyamadermont]

Year in review (eventually)

Thanks go out to @itsmoonpeaches for suggesting I give this a shot.

1. Number of stories posted to Ao3: 14, total, all LOK-based.

2. Word count in 2022: 96,206

3. Fandoms I wrote for: Avatar: The Legend of Korra

4. Pairings: Lin Beifong/Kya II (3); Lin Beifong/Reader (1); Lin Beifong/Pema/Tenzin (9); Other (1 - shorts with various pairs, if any)

5. Stories with the most:

Kudos: Lin’s Interview, part 4 of Give Us Your Hand (Pemlinzin)

Bookmarks: Two Pairs of Eyes, (Kyalin)

Comment threads:  Elemental Changes, Lin Beifong-centric multi-chapter

Word count: Elemental Changes 

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):  I’m sure it’s cheating, but I have 3 answers. 

1: Elemental Changes: This started with an image in my mind, and I wrote the whole thing before I published any of it. And the art I commissioned from @slowdissolve kickstarted a whole new experience for us both.

2: The In-Between Years: I managed to take all 30 prompts from Angstpril 2022 and string them into a mostly coherent story, writing no more than 1000 words at a time. Not every day is a gem, but I am happy with the progress of the story from high angst to an amicable resolution.

3. Give Us Your Hand: What started as a 507-word @flashfictionfridayofficial prompt blossomed into a 46K-word, 9-part series (so far).

7.   Work I’m least proud of (and why): This is ‘least’ proud in a set of stories I’m really pretty happy with. I’m going to throw Now Is Not the Time under the bus, because in retrospect, it’s kind of a rewrite of I’m Sorry I Need You.

8.   Share or describe a favorite review you received: This isn’t quite what the question asks, but having @slowdissolve say she would have done my commission for free was right up there in the highlight reel. And those three little hearts from @mjsharizai are always an absolute treat.

9.   A time when writing was really, really hard: I’m still very new on the writing wagon, having just started writing for a hobby in early 2021. Thankfully, I’m old enough that when it’s hard, I just set it aside and come back when the ideas are ready.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: I just can’t answer the questions the right way tonight. Here, I’m going with the whole Pemlinzin ship. How little goody-goody two-shoes me wound up writing polyamory is something I should think through at some point in my life.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:  

This feels very odd to describe as a favorite. It engendered my first negative review which was so mean-spirited that it was, in its own way, the fire that helped me write the next seven entries in the series. From Mistakes (Give Us Your Hand, part 2):

[Tenzin] sighed. “About a week before he died, she came to visit. She was being Toph, trying to pretend it wasn’t that bad, that he wasn’t dying. Mom left them alone to talk and went to lay down for a little while.”

He shivered. “I wasn’t with them. I just heard Mom shouting. When I got to Dad’s room, Mom was healing him, and Toph was crying. She had punched him like always. But this time, her punch knocked him into the wall and he hit his head. It wasn’t terrible, Mom got him comfortable, but Toph didn’t come back after that. I know she and Mom saw each other at the memorial, and I know they basically made up. But then I hurt you.”

He squeezed Lin closer.

“They were best friends for over forty years. But one argument broke their relationship.”

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: This is a question I think will be easier to answer in retrospect. I was able to complete a couple of larger projects, even after I got so far into them that I kinda didn’t know what to do. I’m just so new at this I mostly can only see my weaknesses.

13. How do you hope to grow next year: Differentiating speaking styles and speech patterns between characters is a sore spot for me re-reading my own writing. I also know I’m not great at describing the interiority of characters. And starting fewer sentences with ‘and,’ ‘so,’ or an adverbial phrase {not an English major, I forget what the technical term is}.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

I think that should be obvious by now. I owe @slowdissolvee a lot of credit.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: 

I’ve been married for 25 years and have 2 kids. There’s a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and memory in what I write.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: 

Be where you are. Sure, your readers are interested in seeing your updates, but your life comes first. #YourAudienceAwaits - and the patient ones are worth listening to. 

I’m going to offer a slightly different perspective than @itsmoonpeachessmoonpeaches, who was so kind as to suggest I take on this exercise. All while not disagreeing with her here:

Don’t be afraid to break out of your comfort zone. You will never grow as a writer if you continue to write the same things over and over again. If you have an idea for something very different, go for it! It takes a lot of effort and time to do something you don’t normally do, but you will end up being better after it.

I know I’ve already written the same story at least twice (see above), but it served me to write both of those stories. I clearly had some thinking to do on the topic.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I cannot put into words how much fun I’m having on Red Jade. Between working with Slowdissolve and getting to read the other Linzolt writers’ stories, I have been grinning for months.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read:

All in fun, friends. If it’s not fun, leave it be: @slowdissolve @orangepanic @master-sass-blast @pamplemousseparadox @superliz6 @chaoticnerdsstuff @wishingforatypewriter

And anyone else who wants to!

[the-phoenix-heart]

10 Amazing Futurama Comics

There is a severe lack of Futurama content on this and other sites (seriously, the Night at the Museum movies have more fics than Futurama). And, nobody posts about the Futurama comics. So I’m posting 10 of my favorites.

10. Attack of the 50-Foot Amy (Issue #33)

It’s actually not as sexual as the cover makes it out to be. The basic premise is that Amy mistakes the can of growth spray (that Cubert and Dwight want to use for their science fair project) for hair spray and sprays waaaay too much before her anniversary date with Kif. Meanwhile, Bender teaches Fry the wonders of video piracy, but after he gets scared by a movie home alone style he eats his disc of pirated movies and starts uncontrollably acting them out. You can probably guess how these two plots connect.

While I do list this one as one of my favorites, it’s far from perfect. The artwork is good, but the scaling on Amy is very wonky so she looks more like a twenty-foot Amy (also Dwight’s eyes are drawn weird in this comic, he looks blazed out the entire time). But I cannot help but be charmed by this comic. It’s got some sweet Bender and Fry friendship moments and actually makes me believe Kif and Amy’s relationship for a little bit. They are very sweet in this comic, although Kif does go through some pain in this comic.

Best moments: They way they resolve the plot is actually pretty funny and clever, plus Bender hopped up on pirated movies is a joy. At one point Fry gets shoved by Steven Spielbot (don’t ask) and Bender goes all Rocky on his ass saying “No one talks to my gal, Adrian, like that!” It’s very sweet and...subtextual if you understand my meaning. This one also has anti comic book piracy message at the end which was ironic for me to read.

9. Doctor What (Issue #32)

The Professor creates a time traveling port-a-potty so that you can pee in whatever time and space you want, although it’s completely random. However, Zoidberg accidentally breaks the potty, so him, Leela, Fry, and Bender have to keep randomly flushing to get back home. On each of these new worlds Zoidberg keeps accidentally saving the citizens, getting medals, and ends up becoming addicted to the fame he keeps winning. Which leads to them getting stuck in a post apocalyptic New New York.

This is the infamous Leela-Bender-Fry fusion comic, Leelan von Fry-Bot. His backstory is actually a little sad, but I won’t spoil it here. This one is pretty good, because it has Zoidberg as the hero. Actually quite a few of these feature Zoidberg as a fourth member of the delivery crew which is weird, but not entirely unwelcome. It’s also fun to see these other worlds, and now that I think about it it’s actually a little similar to The Late Phillip J. Fry, what with the time travel to different interesting worlds.

Best Moments: I actually liked Leelan’s backstory, and his interactions with his “parents” (you’ll understand when you read it) are actually pretty funny and a little cute. Fry really wants to be a dad you can tell.

8. The Simpsons Futurama Crossover Crisis II

The professor creates a device that takes characters out of their stories into the real world. Trouble is, he tells the mayor that this invention is useful because you can get slave labor out of the characters because they technically have no constitutional rights. The Simpsons end up working with the Planet Express crew, but an accident leads to the release of ALL FICTIONAL CHARACTERS EVER.

This is a sequel comic to the Futurama Simpsons Infinitely Secret Crossover Crisis (fun fact: a reference to several famous comic book arcs). I chose this one above it though because I think it understood the assignment better. The original is funny, but I just don’t think that Springfield is a good setting for a Futurama crossover. Springfield for all its zaniness, is not the future. New New York, however, is great for this crossover. We get several scenes where we see the Simpsons going through space and fighting off monsters. We even get to see the other residents of Springfield in the future, Mr. Smithers becomes a space pirate and Mr. Burns falls in love with Mom, it’s great.

Best Moments: Some of them I already mentioned, but I cannot stress enough how hilarious the Burns-Mom romance is, it’s especially good when you can hear their voices in your head. I also like the friendship the Simpsons have with the Planet Express crew.

7. Six Characters in Search of a Story (Issue #14)

This is a very interesting comic. The Professor falls asleep, so to pass the time the crew decides to look through his old failed inventions, and well, that’s a very bad idea. The most interesting thing about this comic is it’s designed so that if you want you can only read certain panels to follow one person’s story. The Futurama comics do this a lot of the time and it’s always interesting.

The shenanigans that occur in this one are really funny, and there are some great looking pages in this. Also the Futurama crew clearly took ideas from the comics, and this is one of them. You can tell from the cover art that this does have elements of “Benderama” in it, what with Bender cloning himself ad infinitum. I also really like the climax, it’s a little schmultz-y for Futurama, but I don’t mind.

Best Moments: Fry gets stuck with a Spanish speaking Bender and I don’t know why but it’s really funny to me. The professor also gets some funny moments in this one. And Scruffy. Scruffy is always a delight.

6. Igner-ance is Bliss! (Issue #63)

Yeah this is the infamous robot Leela and Fry comic. Don’t worry, like the cover says, it’s not as dramatic as it looks. The crew has to go to a world that’s too dangerous for humans, so Fry, Leela, and Zoidberg all have their consciousnesses put into robot doubles so they can make the delivery. However, it turns out this planet is a sort of getaway spa for robots, and the crew decides to party it up there, at least until Bender discovers that this is a front for an evil plot by Mom. The subplot is mostly about how Igner is not respected by his brothers.

This one is fun, and I love a comic where Bender has to be the voice of reason. It is clearly killing him to be the responsible one, but I love it. Also, I have a soft spot for Igner, so it’s nice to see him get thrown a bone for once. This also has some really fun jokes with everyone, but Zoidberg in particular gets some bangers. I think my only problem is it ISN’T as cool as the cover makes it out, but like I’m happy with what it is.

Best Moments: Fry beats up Bender at one point and wins, I think he deserved it. Also, y’all know Admiral Ackbar from Star Wars? He makes some cameos in this one. Also all the robots (sans Bender) make a Japanese style mecha and it’s the coolest thing ever. Plus everything I’ve said about Igner I love in this one. Oh also Fry beats Calculon at poker and I really love that.

5. Who’s Dying to be a Gazillionaire? (Issue #5)

This one is sweet. The IRS is threatening to bankrupt Planet Express, and if they can’t think of a way to make a million dollars they will go out of business. No one really has any ideas and doesn’t even really care, except for Fry who is determined to save Planet Express. He gets the idea to go onto Who Wants to be a Gazillionaire to make the money, even though it’s a trivia show and if he loses he will die.

This one really warms my heart, it’s Fry at his best, just doing what he can for the people he loves. Even the professor is great in this one. I don’t want to spoil it, but trust me when I say it’s good (god I hope I’m not building this up too much).

Best moments: The end panel. But also the resolution of the story is great, and I really appreciate this comic for Fry as a character.

4. Rumble in the Jungle (Issue #38)

This is a fine comic. Leela is mad that she’s not being respected by Fry and Bender, and it’s bad enough that they don’t believe her when she says they’re going to crash into a planet. They end up parachuting down and getting separated. Leela ends up as queen of some workers in the “Amazon,” meanwhile Fry finds Bender’s corpse and goes off to avenge him.

This one is fun, and another fun one for Fry, because he’s determined to avenge Bender and works hard for it. This also includes the original Frender, not the ship but fusion. Leela and Fry even have a fight scene against each other and it’s honestly great.

Best Moments: Fry is great throughout the entire comic, and Leela spends most of her time beating up random animals. Bender also using a lead parachute he made out of toys he stole from children is funny, especially because I’m always a sucker for Bender doing dumb shit.

3. Don’t Go Taking My Heart! (Issue #69) (nice)

Mom only has a couple weeks to live, unless she can get a heart transplant. It’s revealed that Mom uses the cryogenics lab to get new body parts for herself, and that Fry was supposed to be her heart donor! Unfortunately, because he was unfrozen she now has to get him to work for Mom Corp to make sure his heart stays intact for the procedure.

If you can’t tell I love the Fry-centric comics, and I also like the comics where Mom is the villain. Of course this comic doesn’t go completely how you expect it to go, it’s actually REALLY sweet. I also love the fact that in this comic Fry actually makes a great intern. He basically has the job of a secretary and he’s GOOD at it. And I love seeing when Fry is good at things. The reason why I put this at only 3 is because it doesn’t really have a subplot. Bender gets a job at mom corp to but it’s only there for a couple pages, and Leela’s new crew gets two panels and that’s it.

Best Moments: The moments with Mom and Fry, but also guess who Mom’s doctor is? I’m actually not going to reveal it because it’s so random but also hilarious.

2. Boomsday! (Issue #58)

The Professor builds Bender his own parents, as a way to placate/discipline Bender. However, these parents decide that Fry is a bad influence on Bender, leading to them kicking him out. Meanwhile, the Professor’s doomsday devices are all stolen, and he has to go find them.

Both of these plots are funny and good. Bender’s plot is also really sweet what with his friendship with Fry, and his wish for parents. Meanwhile the Professor’s plot is just really funny and I do love seeing the Professor in his element. The ending is mostly heartwarming.

Best Moments: Everything with Fry and Bender, and Bender has a sweet relationship with his fake parents. Also, the Professor uses Issac Asimov candles on the robot mafia which I found a great joke. Oh, and the Professor’s first doomsday device was made when he was four years old and I love that. The end of the comic also has very nice message.

1. Rotten to the Core (Issue #27)

The world’s weather has gone kerflooey, and the Professor has figured out that his invention that can drill into the center of the Earth has been used. It conspires that Bender sold it at a yard sale to some aliens call the magmoids. The magmoids are trying to steal magma from the Earth’s core and the crew has to go and stop them.

This is my favorite because it’s a great character comic. All of the main three have great moments, and it’s also a great science comic. The Earth’s core is incredibly magnetic so of course Bender starts spouting out folk songs, and also SECRETS. I can’t believe no one has used the fact that canonically magnets make Bender incapable of telling lies. Anyway, it’s just really fun.

Best Moments: Way too many to count. Bender and Fry are told to cut out the “Brokeback Moanin,’“ Leela and Fry are bitter at the end, Fry tells story about his childhood, Bender has some great secrets to tell, the Professor gets a really fun ending, Bender has a rare moment of generosity, and the entirety of the climax is all kinds of fun and sweet.

[notathingjustthere]

Not This Time

A/N: Honestly this feels incomplete and dry but I got frustrated arguing with myself lol. I wanted to post something today, because if I keep pushing it off I will never post anything so here it is. I’m trying.  

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x Reader

Word Count: 3525

Summary: Ransom oversteps a boundary and cannot seem to accept the consequence of you ignoring him permanently.

The rude interruption that graced your morning, would leave drained for the rest of your day. Your blurred eyes slowly zeroed in on the small scraps of confetti that would eventually cover the floors of your bedroom. The popping sound had woken you up in alarm, and the frown that graced your face said enough. 

The evil faces that turned up in your bedroom were painted in glee, whiles they wished you a happy birthday in unison. “And who’s cleaning that up?” you groaned, naturally reaching for the phone on your bedside table and squinting when the brightness assaults your eyes.

It was only 9:23 in the morning, the alarm was usually set for 11:30 on your weekdays, but you tended to snooze till 12:15. You weren't a morning person and your friend Lizzie knew this when she pleaded on your behalf, arguing that 10:00 was a far more reasonable time to wake you up. Mila, your other friend had disregarded the input of course. 

As of late your weekends were more often than not reserved for sleep, this one being no different. Monday would be a holiday so the next 72 hours were intended to be spent alone in your house, at least that had been the plan. You had been feeling more dull than usual, and even your restocked liquor cabinet failed to excite you. 

The brunch set up in your backyard was very much up to par with your tastes.  It felt pointless to change so you still wore your pajamas, after washing your face and complaining about the time. Your friends had gone all out for the small gathering, hiring quite the eye candy of servers. Each one waited at the table, ready to help you girls to your seats. 

Your eyes lingered on one of the men a bit longer than intended, and the unexpected wink sent your way forced your eyes to look elsewhere. Mila jerked at your elbow, before wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at you. You had rolled your eyes before bursting out in laughter, enjoying the rest of your late morning meal with your two best girlies. It had been a while since you saw your friends, so you were glad, to say the least

Unlike you, Lizzie and Mila grew up accustomed to a lifestyle that only old money could provide. They didn't work as often as you did, which made it harder to fit into each other's schedules during the week. You did not grow up poor per se, but when compared to your friends, you could have been perceived that way. Your mother was a professor at Brown University, a fairly successful woman you thought. 

You had found your own definition for success, living comfortably and content with yourself,  as you often described it. Working in a high-level position for a growing green energy company, you took pride in your resilience. Many of your years were filled with uncertainties but finally, you had made something of yourself. The full ride to Harvard was where you met Lizzie and Mila, never expecting to develop a long-lasting relationship.

The cell you kept for personal use remained ignored after Lizzie dragged you out of bed that morning. The ringer was often placed on silent, resulting in poor communication habits with your friends. It was noon before you thought to check your device, the notification centre being flooded with messages and alerts. 

Most you assumed were birthday wishes from people you hardly talked to anymore and some that you were only associated with because of status. They meant very little to you, but the sham thankful replies you sent were only to keep face. 

A particular contact had occupied your thoughts for the past two weeks. The spam of messages you left open yet unread grew steadily. You were intent on ignoring him for as long as you felt necessary. He was not important enough to ruin your mood this weekend, or so you thought.

The last bits of sparkling wine settled nicely in your stomach, your chest feeling warm and tingly. You appreciated the quality time spent with your friends but it was time to resume back to your initial plan for the weekend. Lizzie and Mila had their own plans and intended to make your day as lively as possible. On any other day, you’d be down for a good time, but as of late you felt out the mix.

For gifts, Mila had opted for this beautiful emerald green bag from Bulgar. The serpent’s head-shaped clasp suited your corporate persona, which she admired. Lizzie gifted you a pair of Prada boots that she felt were suitable to your tastes. 

It was 6 pm when the two informed you of the private room they reserved at a club. Lizzie’s boyfriend would attend, including two other guests, you were well acquainted with. You weren’t interested at first but eventually caved in at the last minute thought of letting loose and having some fun. 

Your ringer silenced another phone call, it was his 86th one since last Friday. You were impressed with his persistence, figuring he would have given up by now. Newer messages had poured in, none of which you spared a glance until the last message he sent in.

“Fine, if this is how you wanna play it” you read. 

The spat you had gotten into with Ransom, had been your last straw. He was quite the specimen, but a prick at that. The trust fund baby had been spoiled his whole life, and couldn’t seem to handle not having his way for once. 

The relationship that brewed between you both could only be described as complicated. It had taken a lot to manage and handle the baggage he brought with him, but you both had balanced each other for a period of time. Now, you were bent on moving on, trying to convince yourself that you were over him, as he also tried to.

It was at Mila’s charity event that you would officially meet the douche, having only heard of him before. The free champagne helped soothe your nerves that night, as you often would be riddled in anxiety. It was an art exhibition, and you’d gotten roped into a conversation with the famous Harlan Thrombey, discussing a painting you knew a thing or two about. 

That was when Ransom had walked in, interrupting the conversation. You had turned away, fiddling with your glass as you patiently waited for them to finish whatever it was they were briefly discussing. Harlan turned to you, and introduced Ransom, before announcing that he would have to leave you shortly to give a speech. 

At the time Ransom didn't really catch your eye, you avoided making eye contact as you usually would with new people and had missed the way he looked at you. He wanted you in his bed for the night, and you had indulged him likewise. You were gone by morning that day, never being one to wait for the usual awkward boot out. 

Maybe you didn't notice it at first, but his face had begun popping up at your usual spots more and more. You’d run into him at a coffee shop where you often scheduled meetings with prospective clients. There were a couple more hookups here and there before he asked you out to dinner five months down the line. That was almost three years ago. 

Neither one of you talked about making the relationship official until you initiated the conversation. You had been on multiple dates, including the occasional family dinners his family hosted. You never did like attending them, but Ransom had wanted you at his side. You both spent a lot of time at each other's homes, and soon enough it wasn't just for the sex. 

He’d thought of you as his home and maybe you did too. On most days you preferred to have your space, but as of late you missed his not-so-subtle touches whenever he’d pass by you in the kitchen. 

That didn't seem to matter now, because you would never admit it out loud or to yourself. Ransom on the other hand loved being in close contact most of the time. As much as he denied the fact, you’d let him pretend the cuddling sessions during movie nights were due to the lack of space on the couch. 

You never got accustomed to Ransom’s lavish tastes. He’d been quite the spender on gifts and more times than not you insisted that he return most of his purchases. You could appreciate expensive things, but much rather make those purchases yourself. 

He only ever did demand that you keep a particular gift, one you’d almost given back after learning of its monetary value. The personalised bracelet with his and your initials on it had been your favourite. Not once did you ever take it off, and even now you still wore it after two weeks of ignoring him. 

It all started when your boss confronted you about an offer he didn’t expect you to decline so quickly. He insisted that you take your time to reconsider, and you had been confused, having never heard anything about it. You were suspicious of Ransom, almost immediately, but thought to give him the benefit of the doubt. 

At times he could be controlling, something you’d catch once in a while when you paid attention. There would be discussions about it, but oftentimes things got brushed aside as petty jealousy or mindless over-protectiveness. This time, you couldn’t and wouldn't let it slide. 

It was at dinner time when you decided to break out your thoughts and bring something up. You wanted to avoid confrontation, knowing he’d probably try to lie to your face or react in a way you were not ready to handle. He asked about your day as he usually would, and you took the chance to talk about what your boss mentioned, unaccusing of course. 

He played along with your confusion for a while, looking unimpressed as you went on. The contract would require your stay in China for two years, assisting in project management at the company’s main plant. Two years seemed long, and you could understand why the news was not exactly exciting. You had merely mentioned that you were considering the offer when he cut you off.  

“Well that's stupid, is this some kind of joke?” Ransom's response was expected but you had hoped he would show remorse more if anything. You frowned, arms folded when asking him to elaborate on how he was feeling

“I mean, you're gonna leave me for two years? What am I supposed to do, just wait for you?” 

“I would hope so, considering all that we have been through to make this work?”

“Come on, really?” he chuckled darkly, “You think I would wait?” 

“Why are you acting like this? I thought at the very least you'd pretend to be happy for me before reacting this way” you moved your hands in a way that emphasised your point. 

“Oh like you don't know that I declined the offer.”

The sigh you let out was deep. There it was, the confession you wanted out of him. You hated being lied to more than anything and were very disappointed he played along with your little act for even just a little bit. 

“I mean, but what did you expect? That I wouldn't find out about something as important to me as this?” 

“So what, I’m not as important?” he tried changing the topic.

“You know that's not what I mean, and you don't get to play the victim here. I-i don't get it with you, I’m always understanding, so why can't you return the favour”

He turned silent, which you thought was disappointing considering he had so much to say before. The anger you were trying so hard to settle down began to rear its ugly head.  It was a couple more minutes of silence before he opened his mouth to say something.

“You didn't think I’d find it suspicious that your boss was transferring with you?”

Your brows furrowed in confusion at that. Jonathan had not mentioned anything like that and you knew Ransom didn't like him, especially after a particular encounter at your office. 

He had shown up at your job unannounced a year ago to surprise you for your birthday when he saw the arrangements of flowers that decorated your office. Ransom did not look impressed at the scene, and knowing he would never partake in such a gesture you ruled him out. It wasn't until you noticed the card attached to one of the flowers that read out your boss's name.

“Great Job closing that deal, and a happy birthday! - Jonathan.”  

As if on queue the head of the department walked in with smiles, asking if you enjoyed his gifts. He rambled on about not knowing what you would like, so figured he’d get a little bit of everything.  

“She hates flowers,” Ransom had cut in without hesitation, your eyes widening at his remark. Leave it to him to make the inappropriate gesture from your boss even more awkward. 

“He’s not wrong, but I really do appreciate the sentiment. Thank you” you had given him a kind smile, trying to save face. You couldn't remember what happened after that except Jonathan leaving and your boyfriend silently fuming as he walked over to your window. 

You turned your attention to him, raising an eyebrow as if to question his behaviour. You were not angry with him, this was a rare moment where you actually appreciated his blunt tongue. Hopefully, your boss would now relent in his not-so-subtle advances. 

But that was a long time ago, and frankly, it didn't matter because he was focused on the wrong thing at hand. He had invaded your privacy then lied about it by not saying anything. 

“First of all I got this promotion because I worked my fucking ass off, I don't know what Johnathan has to do with anything.” you decided to defend yourself. Whatever it was that he was insinuating didn't matter because you weren't having it.

“Yeah, you fucking worked your ass off alright. You've got him so whipped that he even gets you flowers” 

You gasped, and it wasn't so much that the words hurt you, but rather the fact that he’d been clearly harbouring this since that day. There was not much you could do about unsolicited gifts that you never accepted in the first place. Besides, after Ransom’s visit, your boss had ceased all efforts. 

“Do you actually hear how insane that sounds? What the fuck was I supposed to do about that?” You reasoned, the calmness in your voice was long gone. 

“Quit” he was so arrogant and entitled. 

You scoffed,  “Well I’m sorry, but some of us actually have to work, to earn a living” the tone you took to, spoke well for you.

“I can take care of you, you know that” 

“That sounds nice and all, but I can’t depend on a man who’s never worked a day in his life.” There it was again, the silence.  

“You don't even seem sorry, and you've yet to apologize” the disappointment was evident on your face. 

He rubbed his hands over his face, his nose flaring up in annoyance, “I did what was best for us”  

“No, you did what was best for you” you started but had lost your train of thought. 

“You still don't fucking get it, do you? It's one thing to not want me to leave, but it's completely different when you think that you get to make decisions for me.” the words spewed out. 

“I'm tired of trying to reason with you Ransom, okay? We are done”

It wasn't even a second after, before he grabbed your arm, tightening his hold on you and yanking you towards him. “We are not done until I say we are” 

For a moment there he scared you, he had never put his hands on you like that, at least not outside the bedroom. Your stance did not falter when you yanked your arm away from him “Don't you ever put your hands on me again.”  

The initial shock had long subsided when you decided to speak for the last time. “Let me remind you, that you're that one that begs me back every single time! But not this time, I'm tired of you. T-tired of your shit, the jealousy, childishness, everything!” Those were your last words before your tearducts gave up. 

It was the first time he had ever seen you actually cry. Occasionally he would witness you shed a tear or two, like when you’d receive a wrong order of what you wanted, or something equally as petty.

 He tried to come closer in an attempt to comfort you, but you pushed him aside then turned away. He decided to walk out then and there, leaving you to deal with your own sorrows. 

You remember that day so vividly, and each time the memory replayed you did something to distract yourself. Much like you were doing right now at the club with your friends. The boost that alcohol gave you, left you chatty but numb. 

The buzz had you going for a while, completely indulged in a game of pool with Mila who was effortlessly schooling you. She could not let you win, not even on your birthday. It was the commotion at the door that drew your attention to Ransom arguing with the security guard and Lizzie's boyfriend, Dan. 

“Look dude, she doesn't want you here. Come on don't make this difficult” you didn't realise it but you had made your way towards Dan’s voice, not really processing what was going on. It was the sound of Ransom's knuckles punching Dan in his nose that woke you up from your little daze.  

“I said get out of my way” Ransom tried to push his way through.

“Ransom” you yelled out.

His head turned towards you rushing to Dan who held his nose up in pain. You apologised profusely as you checked his injury, thankful that nothing was broken or bleeding. You turned to your ex-boyfriend annoyed, ready to talk his ear off until you remembered you didn't care anymore.

“If you think this is how to get me to talk to you in good grace, then I don't know what to tell you,” you said, pointing behind you at Dan and Lizzie.

“What do you want? ”You sighed frustrated, after signalling the security guard off. He really wasn't making this easy for you. His hands had twitched before when you held Dan’s face to inspect his nose. He knew better than to make things any worse than it already was. 

“Look, so maybe, I have stuff to work on, and maybe we can both work on this”

“Mmm, you think so?” you asked rhetorically. It took him two weeks to come to this conclusion, and you noted how he did not start with apologies. He wanted to skip out on the guilt, but you wouldn't let him.

He tried to get closer to you, wanting to feel you against him and to reminisce in the sweet warmth he missed so much. You allowed him to, and for a moment you revelled in his familiar body heat as well, ignoring everything else around you. You let go of him after a while, distancing yourself to make it easier on you.

It took a lot to keep your composure, a part of you wanting him back but knew much wouldn’t change if you did. You took a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself to relay whatever decision you had made. You were right about one thing, Ransom would always beg you back. Never-ending the cycle of broken boundaries, possessiveness, and jealousy. 

“Look Ransom, I couldn’t give you another chance even if I wanted to” you sighed loudly. “I-it goes against my principles, and that's all I have right now. So please, just leave.” you pleaded.

Ransom’s eyes hardened, he wouldn’t back down. This time you noticed the speck of regret in his eyes, but to damn with his jealousy. He didn't want this to end, and he hadn’t meant for it to. 

“Come on, don't be so stubborn, Y/N. I love you, is that what you want me to say? I’ll do anything just say the word” 

You smiled with hurt in your eyes as you looked at him. The words didn't mean much to you when his actions suggested otherwise. It was the insincere note in his tone that made it easier, but maybe he had meant it. His eyes were much more expressive than his words could be, not that it changed anything.

You simply shook your head no, looking down at your hands and playing with your fingers. 

“No, you don't” 

The cheap trick at making amends, would not coax your forgiveness, not this time.

Thank you for reading :) 

A/N: My  sister requested that I put her in the credits for her lil two cents in some of the dialogue, so here she goes. 

[excelsi-or]

just a little sweeter (final)

GUYS, we’ve made it to the ennnnnnnnd! What a coincidence that it was 17 parts. I didn’t mean for that to happen lol.

BIPOC rec: I’m currently reading a book called Yes, No, Maybe So. It’s a YA novel written by minorities with minority characters. It’s about two teenagers who go canvassing for their local election in Georgia. It made me realize that maybe I need to start reading more adult fiction because reading about teenagers kinda makes me sad / cringe. But I admire Aisha Saeed and Becky Albertalli for really nailing teenagers on the head. 

w.c. 1.5k (fluuuuuuuuuuuuuffffffff)

pt.1; pt.2; pt.3; pt.4; pt.5; pt.6; pt.7; pt.8; pt. 9; pt. 10; pt. 11; pt. 12; pt. 13; pt. 14; pt. 15; pt. 16

Jihoon finds her at the dinner table reading after he puts Eunha to bed. He stands in the doorway to the kitchen and watches her for a moment before she looks up at him.

“I think we need to talk about what we’re going to do,” she says.

Jihoon takes a seat across from her. She closes her book.

“It is entirely possible that Yeri is going to put your entire life on blast.” She tips her head. “So, what do you want to do?”

Jihoon touches his ear; his eyes are unfocused. “Eunha won’t be a secret anymore.”

“And do you want me here?” she presses.

He seems to tune back in and his brow furrows at her question.

“Do you want to have to deal with a girlfriend scandal as well as a baby scandal?” she asks. “I’ve seen what people say about other idols’ girlfriends. And they don’t have babies.”

His confusion turns to distaste. A frown replaces his confused look. “You looked?”

“A while back,” she admits. “After you told me about Dispatch following you. I looked up other couples that’d been outted or admitted to dating. The things people say are… harsh, to say the least.” She meets his eye. “And we can stop now if it makes what’s coming easier to deal.”

“Wait, what are you saying?”

“This has gotten way beyond what either of us were anticipating, Jihoon. What’s going to be easiest for you and Eunha to cope with? Because she’s here regardless. If I’m not and it makes the rumours and scrutiny easier—”

“That is not even an option anymore,” Jihoon argues. “If you’re putting that on the table as an option, then I don’t tell you I need you or love you enough.”

She blinks in surprise.

“And your expression tells me that I definitely don’t.” Jihoon finds her foot underneath the table and begins playing footsie with her. “I wouldn’t have been able to find Eunha that fast or as calmly as you did today. I don’t think I would have made it this long without losing my mind if you weren’t there to take care of things before I knew I needed them taken care of. I definitely need you more than you need me, and it’s not even just need. I love you. I love what you bring to this home and…” Mochi’s pattering feet run through the apartment to join them. Jihoon picks her up and sets her in his lap. “And my little one would be extra confused if you and this little one disappeared.”

A small smile grows on her face.

“And Seungcheol told me that you told him Eunha feels like yours.” Jihoon ducks his head, embarrassed all of a sudden, at all he’s admitted. “Where else am I going to find something like you?”

She chuckles. “Well, if that’s out of the way, what are we going to do about Yeri?”

“Everything people will say will be awful. And you’re easy to find. So, I think if the story breaks, I’ll ask PLEDIS if they can put security guards at your café for a while.”

“You think it’ll get that bad?”

“I think it could get that bad.”

She pauses. “Do you think they’d make you leave Seventeen?”

Jihoon tilts his head. “It’s something I need to talk about with the company. If it gets really bad and we can’t perform or anything, yeah, maybe.”

She hesitates again and Jihoon is quick to reassure her. “The baby will be bigger news than the fact that I have a girlfriend. It’ll be bad regardless whether we’re together or not.”

She chews her bottom lip. “So, there’s really nothing we can do.”

“Nothing except prepare,” Jihoon agrees.

They sit in silence for a while. Mochi has found a comfortable sleeping position on Jihoon’s lap.

“Maybe you should move in permanently,” Jihoon says now.

She lifts an eyebrow.

“I wouldn’t put it past people—” He sees her skeptical eyebrow and he sighs. “Okay, maybe I just have been wanting to ask you to stay permanently, but I haven’t figured out how.”

She traces patterns on the dining room table and Jihoon senses her hesitation. Seventeen leaves for their tour in two days. The couple have agreed that she’d stay with Eunha for the two weeks the group would be in and out of the country. Jihoon definitely agrees that this relationship sped through his fingertips, but it’s never felt out of control.

“Just think about it,” he says.

She looks up at him, a smile on her face. “Sorry, I guess I should say that I would love to stay.”

“But…?”

“I’ve asked you before, but…” She shakes her head. “Maybe it’s not necessary now. Given what you’ve told me.”

“What’s on your mind?”

“How am I any benefit to you and Eunha?”

Jihoon stares at her in disbelief. “For all the reasons that I told you?”

“But like… anyone could’ve done that.”

“That’s not true, because before you, life did not seem this easy.”

“I’m not really taking care of anyone.”

“Now, you’re delusional.” He stops toying with her foot and reaches for her hand instead. “I understand if my asking you to stay solidifies a lot of this relationship. It’s easy to be with me when you have the option to leave.”

“It’s not that,” she mumbles. “I just… Eunha’s a great kid. I love her, and you, and want the best for both of you. Is that me?”

Suddenly, they hear the bedroom door open and both of them listen to Eunha’s feet pad towards them. Bleary eyed, Eunha reaches for her hand. Without thinking, she meets Eunha at eye level.

“What’s up, kiddo?”

“Story.”

“Daddy just put you to bed,” she chuckles, scooping Eunha up.

“Story.” Eunha rests her head on her shoulder, already falling asleep again.

She looks to Jihoon who has an ‘are you freaking kidding me’ look on his face.

“You can question it all you want, but I think that’s your answer,” Jihoon chuckles.

“I guess… I’m staying then.” Before taking Eunha back to her room, she stops to kiss Jihoon on the forehead. “Movie night?”

“I’ll get the snacks.”

Epilogue

“We’re not doing that.”

Jihoon frowns. “Why not?”

She adjusts Eunha on her hip. The two-and-a-half-year-old has fallen asleep since she and Jihoon are taking too long arguing over furniture. “It’s not going to fit in the space.”

“But where are you going to work?”

“I told you that the dining table is fine.”

“You’re going to make a mess there.”

“Where are we supposed to put another desk?” she demands. “We are not doing that to your space.”

“You live there now,” Jihoon reminds her.

She moved in two weeks ago. They’ve quickly realized that she requires desk space since she is currently working on the floor. They’ve moved the coffee table off to the side so she and Eunha can occupy the spot in front of the TV. The fact that she lives there shouldn’t be such a shock to them, but there were things she did that neither of them realized needed to be accommodated. Like her art and her bookkeeping.

“I know, but you’ve styled it in a way that works for you.”

“Well, now, it needs to work for you too. And I’m telling you, jagi, you need a desk.” His black mask and currently black hair should give off a scarier aura than it does.

“But until we can figure out how to move the space around to accommodate one, we can’t get one.”

“What if we move?”

She laughs. “I just moved in.” They head towards the exit. “So, we’re not doing that either.”

“You’re impossible, you know that?”

She nudges him with her elbow. “I’m honestly fine with working on the floor for now. Until we can figure out what—”

“What if I move all of my stuff to the studio?”

“Huh?”

“Then you can have that desk in the living room.”

“You work from home.”

“When I was taking care of Eunha on my own, yeah. But now I don’t have to do that. If I move all that extra equipment to the studio, then you can have that desk.” Jihoon looks to her. “What about that?”

He’s trying so desperately to make sure she’s comfortable; she can’t help but relent. “If you’re sure you don’t need the space.”

“We’ll start on it as soon as we get home.”

They head outside and Jihoon takes Eunha from her. She rolls her shoulder out and checks to make sure the toddler hadn’t drooled on her. She pecks Jihoon’s cheek. “I’ll see you at home.”

Jihoon smiles a little at hearing her say ‘home’ and having it mean the same thing as him. Then he remembers something. “Oh. Soonyoung wanted you to sit on the dance practice tonight.”

“Right.” She tips her head back, as if mentally creating a to-do list. “Then I’ll see you at the studio.” She checks her watch. “Okay, I think my lunch should be over, right?” She takes a deep breath. Over the past year, the cafés popularity has increased. She’s been able to take on more staff, though she’s struggling to trust that everything will turn out okay without her there.

She gives Jihoon another kiss, pecks the back of Eunha’s head and hurries back to work. “Love you.”

“Love you too. See you in a few hours.”

The amount of love you guys showed this series was insane and some of the comments really made me laugh. Thank you for sticking it out with me. I know it’s not as long or as particularly “exciting” as to the boy i love right now, but I love this one a lot. 

I think I’m going to post some one shots, because I’m trying to find some inspiration with writing again so I’ve been doing a few as writing warm ups. In terms of series to come, would you guys prefer a university, i’m-dating-you-because-of-a-bet trope story OR a thief-partner story? Both will probably be posted one day, but any preference for which one you get first? 

Anyway, thanks again lovely humans. 💛

[jinxedpanda4life]

Criminal Investigator AU HC

I would first like to start off by saying thank you to everyone. 

I honestly did not expect the response I got to my Damirae Hospital AU HC list. 

When I first woke up and checked tumblr ~13 hours after posting I had a holy shit moment. 

I felt powerful, should I? Probably not. 

But! Since I am noticing a lack of AUs in the fandom, whether on Tumblr, AO3 or FanFiction.net, whatever AU comes to my mind I shall jot down some hcs for! 

Thank you all once again!

(Also trying format changes for easy reading)

(Also Also, I am thinking the story is less fluid but more episodic)

Let’s get started:

- So I’m thinking this is some FBI, SVU, and FBI BAU mixture or whatever. Basically all the great shows we know in love shoved together. From Bones to Criminal Minds and everything in between.

- Special Agent (Dr.) Raven Roth is a lead interrogator and is the resident psych consult. 

She’s been educated in interrogation, behavioral science, psychology, forensic pathology, and criminology. 

She has combat training (hand to hand), she carries (for her job) a gun and at all times has a knife/dagger on her person (people have stopped trying to figure out where she keeps them). 

Her father was/is crime boss T. Trigon who is currently imprisoned. 

Was born in the states but fled with her mother to Romania when she was a newborn.

When Trigon found them he killed Arella and took Raven, she was abut 9 - 10 years old.

She took her mother’s last name when she turned 18. 

Knows two languages besides English; French, Romanian, Romani (various dialects but knows multiple), Greek and Latin

On more than one occasion some goon of her father’s tries to recruit her, every time she kicks their ass. (Damian was there for the most recent (he was still green though))

Lives by herself in a decent sized apartment, has a gun safe (gun safety is important!), a cat (Nevermore), and is a regular at a 24/7 bookstore &/ cafe

Can usually be found wearing some kind of jacket, sweater, cardigan

She once helped save some kids (Melvin, Tommy & Teether) and is now their surrogate aunt, she has photos of them at her desk @ work. (Damian assumes/ed that they were her kids)

She also, when she can, hangs out and babysits them on occasion.

Raven is part of a team consisting of Dick Grayson (unit leader), Kori Anders, Garfield Logan, Jaime Reyes, and very recently Damian Wayne 

- Special Agent Damian Wayne is a lead investigator (he is still a bit fresh to the unit), translator, sniper and combat coordinator

He’s been educated in martial arts, explosives, hand to hand combat, close range combat, and combat (basically he knows how to kill you 9 ways to Sunday), also, behavioral science, computer science, criminology, linguistics and language. 

He can easily translate (into English): Arabic, Mandarin Chinese, Russian, Hindi, Bengali, French, Polish, German, Spanish, Portuguese, he can also learn any language you put in front of him and know the basics within a day

(Having lived in many places around the world he needed to be able to speak and understand in order to survive) (wow dramatic much?)

His father is currently the director (or deputy director, whatever floats ya boat) of the FBI.

His mother was essentially a secret agent who worked for various agencies around the globe. (deceased)

His grandfather was the leader of a, um, well to be honest, terrorist agency. (deceased)

Was sent to live with his father when he was 15 (when his mother died) and has been in the states ever since

Lives alone, he has an upscale apartment that he truthfully spends little time in, has multiple locations in the home where various weapons are stored, his place has a very cold atmosphere

Is either in proper work attire or in work out clothing, there is no in between

Tries and fails not to take work home with him

He sees a therapist (who says he should probably try investing in relationships with the people at his job)

His only “friend” (he hates calling him that, more like close acquaintance) is Jonathan Kent who was in his class at the FBI Academy, Jon works in a white collar crime department in Metropolis

The only person he actually kind of sort of doesn’t dislike is in fact Raven Roth, she’s a no bull shit person, he likes that

He may know Grayson because of how he’s Bruce’s kind of son but it does not mean he likes him

He finds Logan annoying as all hell, even if he is somewhat useful

He picked a fight with Reyes first day and regretted it (he will never admit that), he respects him

Anders is overly friendly in his opinion, kind of acts like a secretary with all that positivity and grates his nerves, he tolerates her

(Unlike last time I am not going in detail about the rest of the team, this will be brief)

- Supervisory Special Agent Dick Grayson (Unit Chief) is basically Dick Grayson with a big fancy title but all the same skills

He is also obsessed with Slade Wilson and Red X (who is Jason in this)

- Supervisory Special Agent Kori Anders is a lead investigator and is also a go to for undercover work

- Special Agent Garfield Logan is a lead interrogator, is head of the unit’s K-9 unit and kind of has a thing for Roth (which she does not reciprocate) 

- Special Agent Jaime Reyes is a tactical analyst, tech analyst and is head of the unit’s SWAT team, he does not do well with talking with people, or change

The Scarab is a computing program that Jaime created himself

STORY START:

- When Damian first joins the team there is another member, Special Agent Terra Markov, she is revealed as a sleeper agent but she aligns herself with the team and sadly is shot and killed in a fire fight

- A couple weeks after Agent Markov’s death everyone is talking about what they are doing for an upcoming holiday, Damian says probably nothing, Raven invites him to spend it with her and her “niece” and “nephews,” he declines

- About a day after the holiday Damian is home looking through case files when someone knocks on his door

-- It is Raven. He asks how she knew where he lived, she says she asked Dick, she also says that she knows how it feels to be alone and that he may be insufferable but it doesn’t mean he can’t have a friend

-- His response is saying he isn’t the kind to make friends with co workers

-- “I’m not asking to be your friend Damian, I am asking you to be his,” She reveals a small black great dane puppy “I know that other people aren’t really your thing, but having someone in your corner and waiting for you is always nice, even if it isn’t human.”

-- Damian invites her in, names the dog Titus and thanks her

-- “Just make sure no one tries to kidnap and kill you, we don’t need you to go full blown John Wick.” Damian has no idea who that is. Raven tells him it is an action movie series that he should watch. She leaves. He does watch them that night with Titus on his lap. (after having gone to the local pet supply store to get everything he needs) The action is inaccurate but he enjoyed the movies none the less, and decides that he probably would go into John Wick mode if someone hurt Titus.

- SA Roth and SA Wayne are sent to a high security federal prison to interrogate a prisoner, who refuses to speak

-- When they get into the interview room the prisoner does start to speak, but not in English and not in a language Damian is fluent in

-- Raven on the other hand immediately responds to the prisoner (shocking the prisoner and Damian) “He is speaking Romani though not the dialect of those overseas, he learned it here.” 

-- Damian is fascinated by it and they are essentially switching roles the entire time

-- They leave having successfully interviewing the prisoner, and Raven leaves behind a written list of common words in Romani so that they can possibly communicate with the prisoner better

-- As soon as they are on the plane back Damian asks her a myriad of questions from “How many languages do you know?” to “When did you learn that?” and even “Are you a spy? Sleeper agent? Part of a terrorist cell?”

-- “Not as many as you, when I was a child, if I was part of any of that you wouldn’t be asking.” The rest of the trip is spent with her teaching him Romani and even some Romanian

- Dick & Kori eventually get together and after a while they break up. Kori takes some vacation time. At the same Dick has been temporarily reassigned to another unit.

-- Chaos ensues

-- Garfield thinks he should be the interim unit chief, Jaime thinks the same, as does, you guessed it, Damian (Raven doesn’t want to she is comfortable with her role on the team)

-- In the end they are assigned an interim unit chief, SSA Jason Todd, who usually works overseas on covert op missions (not gonna lie this could easily flow into a Jayrae thing)

-- Everyone kind of falls into line, except Damian, Damian doesn’t like him for two reasons

1) He doesn’t act serious about the job 24/7

2) He has been flirting and hitting on Raven the moment he stepped into their sector 

-- Damian hates the names he gives her; “Little Bird,” “Sunshine,” “Princess,” “Rae,” (no one calls her Rae, not even Garfield, at least not after the incident) etc.

-- (Little does Damian know, Jason and Raven have worked together before and are actually friends)

-- This all comes to a head when Damian and Jason are the only ones still in the office after a tiring case.

          “You shouldn’t do that you know.”

           “Do what? All I am doing right now is contemplating where Grayson                    keeps the liquor.”

           “Call Raven all those names, she doesn’t like it.”

           “Really? Because if you haven’t noticed she hasn’t exactly asked me to                stop.”

           “She gets uncomfortable, maybe not to the extent of asking you to stop,              but she tenses up and her body language becomes slightly more                        agitated.”

          “You seem to pay a lot of attention in how she reacts to thinks baby brat.             Seems to me that you like her.”

           “Of course I like her, she is a good friend and reliable teammate.”

           “No, you like like her.”

           “That presumption is juvenile.”

           “But you don’t deny it.”

           “Tch.”

-- If anything after that conversation Jason seems to doubled his advances. Which confuses both Damian and Raven. Damian because it is inappropriate and HR will be hearing about this. Raven because she was under the assumption that she and Jason were just friends. (Jason actually does have genuine intentions but is like 60% just egging Damian on)

-- Eventually (far too long for Damian’s tastes), both Dick and Kori return. At first it is sooooooo awkward. Like mom and dad divorced have shared custody but don’t hate each other but also cannot look each other in the eye. ((Was that a mouthful? Good)) No one can really look at each other the same? Though they do have a meeting to sort it out, get everything out in the open.

- Raven’s annual kidnapping/attempt to convert her/torture comes almost exactly one year after Damian joined the team (this is his 2nd time dealing with this)

-- This time Damian is prepared. By prepared I mean Raven doesn’t even leave her apartment before she is taken to safety. 

    “Damian what is going on?”

    “Christmas came early this year that’s what.”

    “Christmas? What in gods name are you talking about.”

    “God has no dealings in this matter.”

    “You do realize you are sounding like a bad action movie? It is not even 6 am and I am in your car going somewhere, I have had little to no sleep and I am barely dressed. What is going on?” Damian hadn’t payed attention to what clothing Raven was wearing. His mind was on one goal. Find Raven, keep Raven safe. His eyes glanced off the road enough to realize she was indeed not properly dressed. Her body was merely adorned with an oversized tee-shirt, tiny barely there shorts and a pair of fluffy socks.

    “I apologize, it appears in my haste I did not leave you time to properly clothe yourself. As to why you are here, it seems your father and his people have shortened their waiting time this year from one year to a little more than ten months.” Ravens hands fisted her shirt. “This time I was prepared,” last time he was still new to everything, last time he made mistakes, this time there will be no mistakes. “Since our last encounter with your demon, so to speak, I have been setting in place precautions and safety measures to ensure Nevermore and yours’ safety. I have also been tracking the movements of his big players. If any came close I would mark it down. Multiple are entering the city at this moment. Seeing as you we taken last time I have made plans to ensure that will not happen again.” The car made a snap turn down an unfamiliar street pulling Raven from her clouded gaze.

    “So I am going to be okay this time?” Her voice was faint and restraining against hope.

    “You’re going to be okay.” His hand lightly held hers. Only to stop the shaking, they told themselves, only to make everything better. “Nevermore is with Titus at my place being watched by a friend of mine. I have already walked Grayson through everything we will not be expected at work this week, but we can work remotely.”

     “We?”

     “I’m not going to leave you. Ever.”

-- ((Sorry for the blocks of text))

-- As Raven finds out they are at one of Damian’s safe houses. The one least likely to be tied to her. It is fully stocked with food, has security cameras and if needed weapons. The only problem is that the only clothes there are Damians.

    “Thought of everything huh?”

     “I was following their pattern, I expected to have more time to acquire clothing for you.” (he was looking away and blushing, you cannot tell me he wasn’t)

-- Raven just resigns herself to wearing Damian’s clothes, yes his brain does stop working for a hot second when he sees her in only his clothes.

-- All attempts to try and retrieve codename: Gem of Scath are foiled (like some good math)

-- So many bonding moments happen. Cuddling (pure accident *rolls eyes*), eating together, inside jokes, etc. At one point Damian answers her phone (he disabled and disconnected the tracer) to one of the mob guys after them.

    “Hello?”

     “You can hide the gem but we will find her.”

     “I’m sorry, is there a jewel you are looking for? I don’t think I have and any jewels that I am coveting.”

     “We know you are with her! It is but a matter of time until we collect her.”

     “I hope you do eventually find whatever you are looking for sir, but I haven’t the slightest idea the gem you speak of. If you could give me a physical description? Is it a ruby, diamond, onyx? Is it round or more of a pear shape?”

    “...”

    “Well, I will look for it here, but I do not believe I possess what you speak of. Will you give me your number so I can call you back?” (The line cuts dead, and Raven can be seen laughing in the background, the phone was on speaker)

-- Once the team tracks down, arrests and interrogates all of the parties working for Trigon; Raven and Nevermore can go home. Though both are reluctant in their own way. Nevermore has grown attached to Titus, and Raven well Raven has feelings. Sadly, as Raven knows, feelings are dangerous to have in their line of work. 

-- Look at Dick and Kori they were together and then they fell apart and the team almost imploded.

-- What about Trigon if he finds out about Damian and how she feels towards him? What kind of danger will he be in then?

-- Like all of her feelings Raven puts them in a box and locks the box away. Not just figuratively, in her safe there is a box with: post its, torn papers, journals, etc. That box has a lock on it. Whenever she has a new feeling that she cannot ignore, like her feelings towards Special Agent Wayne, she takes out the box and writes her feelings down. They can range from a single sentence to pages worth. (Her feelings towards Damian fill a small notebook she has on hand). Once she has written all of her feelings out she places them in the box, locks said box and then places the locked box in her safe, which she then locks.

-- Is this a healthy way to cope with her feelings? Maybe not. But, it is way better than how Damian deals with his. Violence. Also art but violence comes first.

- At this point both Damian and Raven have caught the feelings (highly contagious I hear), which makes this a little awkward and a little not awkward. For one everyone but Raven knows how Damian feels towards her. He does things for her and with her that no one else gets the privilege to.

-- To list a few:

--- He brings her tea whenever he gets himself coffee or tea

--- He talks to her about what he does outside of work, even about his kind of friend definitely not enemy, Jon.

--- They socialize outside of work. Watching bad movies (some of them are not that bad), going to the park with Titus (they once got Nevermore in a leash and walked her), meeting each other before and after work to get breakfast or dinner.

--- He doesn’t glare at her

--- He allows physical contact between the two

--- He worries about her (hello he created an entire plan so that she wouldn’t get kidnapped, with contingencies and everything, garfield would be lucky to get a plan)

--- His eyes light up when she talks, or enters a room, or you know exists in his vicinity

--- He actually smiles around her (Dick caught him smiling once at Raven and he though Damian was having a stroke)

-- Even though everyone knows Damian likes Raven, very few know that Raven likes Damian back. (this only includes; Kori, Dick, Jason, Titus, Nevermore, and Melvin) She does do certain things that give herself away just like Damian.

--The list:

--- When Damian gets frustrated or angry she puts a hand on his arm, or holds his hand

--- She laughs at things he does (light chuckles, or little giggles)

--- She will talk to him about his interests and actively tries to have conversations with him about things unrelated to work.

--- She blushes when he does something unexpected (like a compliment)((Mostly she tries to hide it until he isn’t looking at her))(((Kori has caught the blush before)))

-- Luckily for them it does not take some cliche ‘One suddenly becomes in danger and the other one saves them only to be close to death and then they admit their love for one another and promise to go on a date when the other is healed’ situation. 

-- Damian actually asks Raven out after being tipped of by Jason and Dick that she may like him back. Damian finds out when they have days off at the same time and asks her while leaving work.

   “Raven, you have this weekend off correct?”

   “Yeah I do. I wasn’t planning on doing anything though. Did you have something in mind?”

    “Um, yeah, heh, I was wondering if you would do me the pleasure of going to dinner with me tomorrow.” *Awkwardly rubs back of neck*

    “Like a date or two friends going to dinner?” *Thinks she sounds harsh* “I am honestly fine with either since we are friends.” *nervous smile*

     “Like a date if that is okay with you of course.”

     “Yeah, yeah totally that is totally okay with me.” *Starts sounding like a teenage girl who only knows about 10 words, because she’s nervous*

      “Good, I’ll be by your place around 1830, if that is okay?” *nerve central, the central nervous system could never*

       “Yup that is totally fine with me.”

       “Great.”

       “Good.” The elevator opens in the knick of time.

       “See you tomorrow evening Agent Roth. Have a good night.”

        “You too, Agent Wayne, you too.”

-- When Damian does pick her up he feels like his brain is going to explode. She looks absolutely breathtaking. This is just like all the other times they’ve gone to dinner, except this restaurant is slightly fancier and they are on a date.

-- Raven feels as though all her emotions are leaking out at once, she has no idea what she is doing.

-- In the end they have a good time and decide to do it again. Damian does bring up that all of the breakfasts and dinners they regularly do could now be considered dates. Raven does not oppose that switch at all.

- Fast forward a handful of years (like 3?), Damian and Raven are moved in together (Nevermore and Titus are happy about this, they even allow the humans to adopt another pet, a cat named Alfred). Damian is now Supervisory Special Agent Wayne and is in charge of their unit. Raven has retired from field work and now works at the FBI academy and at Virginia State University. In about 6 months Damian is going to propose and Raven will say yes. Their wedding will be small but happy and full of life.

Once again I would like to thank everyone and all the support the previous post got.

Like last time if anything is disjointed, out of place or seems wrong, please go ahead and tell me. I have been working on this since the last one, but have finally had the time to finish it.

I hope the new year will bring us all some good. Possibly more head canons to come.

[hopevalley]

Season 8, Episode 10: Old Love, New Love, Is This True Love

All right, so...like I said, work has picked up and my eyes feel like old marbles from staring at numbers (the woes of working in accounting I guess) so I want to get this written up and tossed into the nether before I lose steam and motivation to do it. The interesting thing about these little write-ups is that as the week goes on they just get harder and harder to write...

I do apologize in advance to those who like the long-winded write-ups. I’m just not up to it at the moment. Still feeling kind of bleh from the episode.

Let’s go back to an old format, shall we?

The Good

We might as well start out with the things about this episode that I enjoyed! 

Gossip Hour with the Men was one of the best openers they’ve had on the show in a while. It was genuinely funny without being meanspirited. Nobody looked like the bad guy. Everyone just calmly talked about it alike it was a normal thing to maybe call off the wedding. Bill calling out Carson for giving marriage advice was pretty funny, Mike was a delight. I don’t know what to say. I’d watch a whole episode of The Boys just hanging around spending time together.

--

Florence’s worry that she’s ugly was...not a terrible idea for a storyline, but the actress is too good-looking to pretend to be ugly (I saw her in this pretty yellow dress on Instagram a couple years ago and she was smashing)? Also, it’s not like Ned is a handsomely aged gentleman (like Henry lol) so it makes even less sense for the characters. I think they should have gone with Florence feeling she’s “plain” and that dressing up Super Nice makes her feel uncomfortable because she just doesn’t feel like Herself and worries maybe it’s projecting a false sense of Who She Is or something? I guess overall I still liked that an attempt was made to add some depth to Florence and her difficulties in choosing a dress/hairstyle, so...it goes here.

--

Ned asking Henry to be his best man was nice, too. I can forgive the shoddy pacing and weird placement of this request (like I do with almost everything in the show) but only because the scene was just...so incredibly wholesome. 

I like how Henry just casually is like, “Well maybe today’s just not the day.” I think it eased Ned’s mind just a little that he CAN back out if he really wants to.

I think it’s worth thinking about the fact that Ned and Henry would have always worked very closely, since the mercantile would have been a company store before the mine closed down... I like Henry and Ned as pals.

--

I’m glad the “investment” thing with Jesse and Clara’s savings was brought up in a way that...makes sense. And also, glad it wasn’t forgotten.

--

I really liked Molly and Florence in this episode. I’m a little sad Florence married Ned because I AM SORRY BUT I WANTED TO KEEP SHIPPING MOLLY AND FLORENCE TOGETHER UGHGHGHH

But their relationship is so good and maYBE Elizabeth will learn something from them.

Hey Elizabeth...you see that?

YOU SEE THAT?

Just saying.

And then later...

“You are the sister I never had, the mother I forever wanted, the friend I have always needed. From the depths of those dark and terrifying coal mines you’ve walked beside me, picking me up whenever I’ve stumbled along the way.”

AAAAAAAAA IT GOT ME.

--

I’m...really liking Fiona and Mike’s relationship, whatever it is. I kind of think they’re not headed toward anything romantic. Everyone thinks Mike is really into Fiona but at the end of the episode we realize he likes talking to her about business; it’s almost like they have this shared passion for numbers/ideas and he likes infodumping to her (and vice-versa).

I think they’re going to end up being “just friends” and Fiona will end up paired off with the man Elizabeth doesn’t choose. They hinted at Nathan briefly in this episode (with Allie’s hair), but who knows? I’m over trying to speculate on where the triangle is going at this point, but I actually like Fiona’s relationship with Mike so much that I’ll be disappointed if she fades into the background with Nathan or Lucas. Mike deserves more screentime. 

--

Ned and Florence sharing their fIRST KISS. My husband got emotional over this. And I admit, it was starting to get to me, too. I can’t NOT root for them. 

--

I said it before and I’ll say it again: I WOULD DIE FOR THE CANFIELDS.

--

The wedding was nice. I liked that Bill and Joseph officiated it together; it gives Joseph a li’l trial run of pastoring and finally Bill gets to use some of that power of his to officiate a wedding.

“Please, if you’d like” is such a Bill way to say that they may kiss LOL.

--

Also, I have to admit that I did enjoy Lucas calling Nathan out about Allie. She wouldn’t be caught in the middle if he’d leave Elizabeth alone AND HE IS RIGHT LMAO.

The last good thing: Elizabeth telling Nathan she doesn’t blame him for Jack’s death. Nice. Good. Thank you. He probably needed to hear that.

--

...THE BAD

Carson and Faith. UGH. UGHHHHHHHHHH. BREAK UP ALREADY I HATE YOU BOTH.

I appreciated that Carson had the ring ages ago, and I did like his conversation with Minnie—or more accurately, her advice to him. I felt like she was nudging him toward, “Remember why you became a surgeon in the first place.” If he became a surgeon to help people, then there’s no reason he can’t help people where he is. Sure, he might not be doing state of the art procedures but with Faith working alongside him, he can afford time to learn new things and go to doctor conventions or even take a specialized class now and then. No other doctor could get away for very long but he has that chance!

And he’ll arguably be doing more good in the middle of nowhere than in the city. All the doctors want to live in the city. Nobody wants to barely get paid for their time in the countryside.

We had a whole episode that made it clear that Faith and Carson don’t make a lot of money and do a lot of charity work. They also work for trade goods (mostly food). So it’s like...a pretty big difference in lifestyle? 

Half the reason I can’t get invested in these characters is because I really can’t stand Paul Greene. He just...annoys me on every single level imaginable. But he’s a decent actor and I can’t help but feel that his character was a massive waste of space for the past few seasons through no fault of the man himself. Imagine introducing a character like Carson and then leaving him to rot before you try to make him interesting with a romance plot that nobody asked for.

Yes, some people really like Faith and Carson, but as a whole I think the fandom didn’t buy into them as a ship due to the lack of chemistry.

It really is a shame. This episode didn’t do a thing to endear me to either character. Please, Carson. I am begging you to leave town.

--

This one particular line of dialogue almost enraged me.

WE KNOW WE KNOW WE KNOW WE KNOW WE CAN SEE THAT FOR OURSELVES. WHY DID THEY HAVE ROSEMARY SAY THIS LIKE IT’S AN EPISODE OF A CHILD’S TV SHOW?

--

Elizabeth.........

How could Katie have...looked up to her? She was never in her class? That was? Never part of anything? It was just something they threw in here to force Elizabeth to make 1% more sense in the role she’s in but IT STILL DOESN’T WORK.

I felt like I was back in Season 5 again with Lori and Elizabeth putting their nose in everyone’s business except it’s just Elizabeth!! The whole plot, which was boring and contrived anyway, should have gone to Molly, since she’s Florence’s best friend and another woman from town that Katie would have known as a child.

AND ALSO, MOLLY WOULD HAVE KNOWN KATIE’S MOTHER AND WOULD REMEMBER THE GRIEF THAT NED STRUGGLED WITH.

I know they wanted to make Elizabeth give advice so that she’d Realize that she needs to, I don’t know, make better choices or something, but it was too on the nose for me and I hated it.

GinithePooh on Reddit made a good comparison to Elizabeth in this episode by saying she reminded them of Clippy from Microsoft Word, always popping up and offering to help when nobody really needs or wants advice.

To honor their incredible idea, I opened Photoshop and created this gem, which I will also be posting separately so that people can reblog it if they wish to.

I also don’t think I need to say also filed under The Bad is the fact that Elizabeth didn’t even apologize for being awful to Rosemary and then gave her unsolicited advice to other people for two days straight. I can’t believe they wrote that? 

All I can say is that her apology to Rosemary, when it comes, better be good.

--

And I didn’t like this either:

I wish it had been followed up by literally anything: Nathan saying he’s sorry he didn’t tell her sooner or something to make the hand-holding actually be a little more innocent.

As it is, it just seems so deliberate? 

Maybe the next episode starts off right in this scene and we’ll get that? If so, this might actually end up being fine. I just don’t think it is if it doesn’t get a little more direct attention.

--

& THE UGLY

I debated on putting anything in here, because I’m not ready to talk about my feelings on this matter, at least not fully. But I’ve been pretty quiet all season so far, and...eh, why not just mention things in advance? What will it hurt?

Let me preface this section by saying I’m biased and I doubt hardly anyone on this site will agree with me, so feel free to just ignore this part if that’s the case.

There are two things that I really didn’t like in this episode.

I hate the slanting toward Bill/Molly.

I like Molly just fine but I don’t like her with Bill. I’m biased as all getout and also worried about the future/potential Season 9 with regards to this. I don’t want to see it. Like at all. Why, you ask? You should know why if you follow me. I’m super transparent.

It’s because I like AJ AND I WANT HER BACK LOL.

John Tinker rewatched the series so we know he wouldn’t have missed that hanging plot thread—especially since he didn’t forget any of the other things that were brought up this season! So why didn’t she appear this season? The love triangle absolutely needed to be a focus or it would have never ended, so that’s part of it, but I’m also pretty sure Josie Bissett wasn’t interested in doing any filming last year during Covid. My only “proof” is that Wedding March 6 wasn’t filmed last year even though it was scheduled to be filmed, but it makes sense. Last year was chaos.

THAT SAID, Jack Wagner posted on his Instagram the other day that they are actually filming Wedding March 6 now, so... I guess AJ’s re-appearance in Season 9 wouldn’t come as too much of a surprise if they wanted to write it.

You’d think I’d be hyped about that, and I kind of am? But it doesn’t come without its share of worries, too. We just had the worst love triangle in the history of love triangles and I really don’t want another one, especially if it makes any of the characters in question look stupid or mean.

I fully admit a well-written love triangle could be a LOT of fun for them* (low stakes because they’re not front and center characters), but I saw how Nathan was written so far this season and I really, REALLY do not want to see that happen to Molly, Bill, or AJ.

Anyway, not a fan of the Molly/Bill stuff. No chemistry. I don’t want it.

*I would totally write a fanfic like this lmao.

--

And finally...the part that everyone will hate me for:

I DO NOT WANT TO SEE ABIGAIL COME BACK. And I specifically do not want her to come back ‘cause I do not wanna see Henry/Abigail happen.

I fully recognize that a lot of you like it and ship the heck out of it, and that’s...good. I’m glad you enjoy it. I loathe it, though, and I worry that all these hints (more like...mentions) are leaning toward...something. Like, either they’re:

1) Sending Abigail off/tying up that loose end with Henry (since nothing was ever clarified either way), or

2) Warming up the audience to receive Abigail back on the show.

I’m pretty into the idea of one-sided Henry/Abigail. Hindsight is 20/20, regrets, that’s all some juicy stuff to give a character like Henry. Some things can’t ever be made right again. He had too direct of a connection to the death of her husband and son for me to ever want to see them together. Forgiveness? Yes. A careful but meaningful friendship? Yes. Romantic relationship? Uh...no thanks.

I liked the Abigail mentions at first because I felt like...the character still mattered (as she should) but I’m at a point where I feel like they’re trying really hard to steer the fandom’s view a certain way and not knowing where it’s going is extremely unsettling to me.

--

I’ll probably talk more about the things that bother me when the season ends, because I’m hoping to have a better idea of where things are going to be headed, but for now just...know that I feel very apprehensive.

And keep in mind that I primarily watch this show for Bill these days, since all my previous faves (AJ, Frank, the old Abigail, Dottie) have exited, stage left. I also always really liked seeing Henry. So as you can imagine, seeing plotlines I hate for the only two characters I’m invested in? Is making me consider dropping the series next year.

My husband told me I should hate-watch it, but I don’t know if my heart can take it. I’ve been following this series for so long...it just...kind of hurts to feel let down like this? 

But sometimes an ongoing series ends up going where you...didn’t want it to, and it becomes something that’s no longer right for you. I hope that doesn’t happen, but last night’s episode makes me feel like...it might be happening for real this time.

I guess if that holds true it’ll be back to fanfiction for me. Will that novelization I planned ages ago end up getting written? Will I write the best love triangle fanfic known to man? WHO KNOWS.

For now, we’ll all have to wait and see! Two more episodes left. I’m really curious to see how they resolve some of the open plots right now. :>

[maxdoesbb]

Big Brother Tumblr Tag Game

So I was tagged by @vanessacries to take part in their Big Brother Tumblr Tag Game and here are my answers

Rules:

If you are tagged copy and paste the rules and all questions

Answer the questions

Tag 3-5 people to also complete the questions

Tagged by @vanessacries (legend)

About Me

1. Name or nickname? - My name is Max, but ya’ll already knew that

2. Age/Age Group? - 18, but there is an episode on my 19th birthday!

3. Zodiac Sign - Libra

4. Favorite Color? - Some days it’s orange, some days it’s purple

5. Favorite Animal? - I love love love LOVE Red Pandas...google them they’re so cute

6.  First Season of BB you remember watching? - In terms of BBUS, season 16. In terms of Big Brother as the franchise, BBUK Season 7

7. Would you ever want to go on BB, if so, what type of player would you be? - I Would love to, I would try and have like a Jun Song Floater game, but new school bb hates that so...i’d be out week one

8.  Are there other CBS shows you’d want to go on, and if so, why? - I would love to do the amazing race, but i’m from the UK so they won’t let me shshhs

9.  What other Reality shows do you watch? -  I watched The Only Way Is Essex up until 2017, I could also rewatch ANY season of Geordie Shore or BBUK

10.  All time favorite houseguest? - This is a hard one, Idk if it counts, but Nikki Grahame was on BBCAN and any house she’s in turns the season up to 11 for me, If I don’t count and has to be from BBUS, Vanessa from bb17

About the Show

1. What is your all time Favorite twist? - The Twin Twist, if the twins don’t tell anyone (which is sadly always going to happen) it feels so tense like sumn about two people having to act like one person is just iconic to me!

2. What is a twist that you like, but kind of flopped? - The MVP twist, In my eyes this flopped like the season, I think if they made it so you could only be the MVP once then it would have worked better in season 15, but they also could have flipped it so that the evictee picks who goes up, that would have been iconic watching everyone asking who put up the 3rd nominee, but it was actually the person they sent out the door the week before

3. If you were the new Grodner and had to remake the show, what would you keep the same? - The art team, I don’t think they get enough credit, Sure sometimes it’s a bit meh, but the den of temptation was just *chef’s kiss*

4. What would you change? Casting, that is all i have to say about that.

5. What’s your all time favorite comp? Generic answer, but OTEV is actually so iconic to me, the strategies, the fights, It also gave me one of my favourite Janelle moments ever

6. What’s your all time favorite competition? - idk if i’m being a clown, but this is basically the same as question 5 sksksk

7. All time favorite punishment? - To me all the punishments are kinda dull, like i feel like the producers do it more for comedy on the shows to shy away from the actual problematic stuff that happens every season.

8. If you could bring any houseguest back to be in the house (not to play the game) who would it be and why? - So they just like sit around and observe from inside? If I’m allowed, I’d say miss tea queen Angela Clancy from BBAU12 cause she is some good TV.

9. If you could bring any houseguest back to play, who would it be? - Jackie Ibarra, Hands down!

10.  What is your most memorable episode? - BBCAN5, Week 5′s Eviction episode a.k.a THAT double eviction!

11. If you could have any reality star from any other show on BB who would it be? She’s been on the UK version already, but Gemma Collins!!!!!

12. What’s your favorite BB series outside of normal BBUS (normal BBUS does not include CBBUS or BBOTT)  - BBUK cause I grew up with it (and thought it was the only version until bbus16 started)

13. Favorite Julie Chen sign off? - I prefer Arisa Cox’s “Someone is always watching” so Julie doesn’t speak in my mind sjsjsjsj

14. Is there anything from old BB that you would bring back, why or why not, and if yes, what would it be? - Casting, cause a lot of older seasons had a mixture of old and young players and they don’t have jobs like “Social Media influencer” or “Podcast maker” or “Jewellery Maker” they have jobs that they can apply to big brother and don’t have to worry about their social media reputation!

15. If you were in the BB house and you won HoH what album would be in your HoH basket and who would you want to receive a letter from? - I’m torn between LM5, Future Nostalgia, and Sweetner, In terms of letter, I’d say my best friend, I’ve known her for almost 10 years and we’ve spoken literally everyday since we met so uhhh sorry to my mother sksksks

16. Favorite Alliance - Danielle and Jason from bb3, that is what an Alliance should be, not the 10 mayo alliances they make in new big brother

17. Funniest BB moment  - (it’s not bbus, but it’s the only valid answer!)

18. Favorite first boot?  - JODI ROLLINS DESERVED BETTER!

19. Least favorite houseguest? - Frankie cause him being related to Ariana is the reason i watch this shit show...

This or That

1. Old School BB or New School BB

2. Julia or Liz Nolan

3. Vaness Rousso or Jun Song?

4. Cody Calafiore or Cody Nickson?  (Nickson was the face my sleep paralysis demon during bb19)

5. Swaggy or Bayleigh (I’ve seen more of Bayleigh then I have Swaggy)

6. Janelle or Kaysar? (Only because of her views)

7. Orwell or the rubber duck?

8. Hacker twist or Pandora’s Box?

9. Nicole A or Nicole F? (Both are bad, F gets -100 points for not shutting up about her damn wedding!)

10. Dan or Will?

11. Bathroom with Bathroom sand (BB18) or The Fidget Spinner Wall (BB20)?

12. The Hive or The Spy Grils

13. PB&J or Slop?

14. Nerdy Guy archetype or Quirky Girl archetype?

15. The cursed liztin gif or the Maven (BB19) cum rag?

Tag Questions

1. First Season you blogged - Lurking since BB17, started posting a bit BB20, but didn’t start posting fully until BB21

2. Favorite season to blog - Like 2 of you were there but Big Brother Australia 12

3. Favorite Bloggers? the list is too LONG! so top 3 in no particular order @stanningbb @charlchen-moonves @bathroom-sand

4. Favorite tag cryptid (i.e. djmrod, the confession accounts, the bayler stan account, stella) - Stella (could you say lin is kind of a cryptid?)

5. Build an ideal alliance with people from the tag - The trio from hell of course! ( @charlchen-moonves, @stanningbb and I)

6. Favorite content creator (gifs, videos, posts). - So far this season i gotta say @charlchen-moonves and her bob edits!!!

7. Person in the tag that you like but are too nervous to talk to? Literally EVERYONE like something just tells me ya’ll secretly hate me ssjsjs

8. Have you played in any tag games (like bbdiscords, orgs, etc.,) if so what was your favorite experience? - I’ve been in a couple of bbsims, when my account was maxat3am i actually won my first bbsim, forgot who hosted it sksksk

9. Favorite gate? - Selfiegate cause ya’ll are so cute and I just love the positive energy we create!

10. What opinions do you have that you feel would be unpopular in the tag? - I don’t really know if it’s that unpopular but Meg Maley from bb17 deserved better like she won no HoHs no Vetos like, I was rooting of her during bb17!

11. Have you thirst followed anyone after a selfiesgate? - whY would i Ever diSclose that

12. Whose someone in the tag that has stopped blogging bb that you miss? - Is it bad i haven’t noticed anyone leave...

13. Favorite holiday people have called Christmas? - I saw someone call her Toyotathon and i was wheezing for about 10 minutes

14. If you could steal any url whose would it be? I don’t know, I like my URL, however I do like @kidnappedbyacrow​‘s url so uhh hand it over sjsjsj (jk love you really!)

15. Favorite tag meme? (i.e. Paul;s mistake, victim noises, claling chr*stmas anything but her name, etc.,) Paul’s mistake made me wanna join the tag so uhh yeah that!

Tag 3-5 people (or more or less)

I tag @stanningbb​ @charlchen-moonves​ @bathroom-sand​ @kidnappedbyacrow​ and @peterbrownismydaddy​

[esther-ti-designs]

Hey everyone, uhh so I have some tea for you all.

So I met this guy (I’ll refer to him as J) during the last meeting of the quarter for the graphic design club last fall.  Here’s everything that happened between December 5 through February 22.

December 5

Honestly, I haven’t noticed J at any of the previous meetings, but that one night, he just came up to me out of the blue and complimented me on my cozy winter gear.

So J and I happened to be taking Intro to Design that quarter and we talked about our group projects for the class, which we just turned in earlier that day (I had just pulled two consecutive all-nighters and had just taken a 3-hour nap prior to the meeting, so I was very sleep deprived at this point).  We continued our conversation while walking down some stairs and outside the building, and he asked me about other clubs that I’m involved in, to which I told him that I’m the secretary and Head of Hufflepuff for the Harry Potter Alliance (HPA) and that I’m also in the ballroom dance club.  He seemed very interested in HPA.  He mentioned that he played second violin in the video game orchestra (VGO) and that they were having a quarterly concert that weekend.  A friend in HPA had promoed the VGO concert the night before, but I wasn’t really interested, as I had no knowledge of video game music.  J and I exchanged Instagram handles and later that night, I answered all of his questions about HPA.  Then on Sunday, sort of at the last minute, I found out that a few friends from HPA were going to the VGO concert and I went along because $5 for a concert is not bad, and I haven’t been to an orchestra performance in a while.  The concert was so much better than I expected!

December 9

Finals week just started and J randomly asked if I was studying on campus 👀

December 11

We met up at a boba shop near my apartment to study for the Intro to Design final (it was raining pretty hard and J refused to have me bike out to campus in the rain).  We studied off a Quizlet set for about 3 hours until my laptop’s battery was running low, and then we talked for another couple hours!  It turns out we have a lot in common!  We’re both only children, 22 years old, left-handed, design majors (J is actually a design and managerial economics double major), and we play the violin (I used to play violin and cello, but I digress).  Oh and we both have an iNTeResTinG injury story haha.  Then, before we went our separate ways, he gave me a one-armed hug, which I couldn’t reciprocate because I had my arms full with a cup of boba and my umbrella.

December 12

J DM’ed me out of the blue asking for my Spotify wrapped up.  I normally don’t give in to trends easily, and this was something I wasn’t really interested in sharing with the entire world, but I shared it with him anyways (Spoiler: It’s mostly Game of Thrones soundtracks, Taylor Swift, and BTS).  Despite being an orchestra nerd, I find it really difficult keeping up with popular music, and my musical taste stays fairly consistent even several years later.  I was kind of expecting him to laugh at my musical taste, but he actually complimented me for liking dramatic tv/film soundtracks.  And then we arranged another study session right before the design final.

December 13

The Intro to Design final was supposed to be 50 questions, all multiple-choice, no trick questions.  It was supposed to be really easy, and I thought we got almost everything down at the previous study session.  So why were we having another study session right before the exam?  I thought either he really wanted an A in the class, or he wanted to see me again before we went on winter break.  Right before going in for the exam, he asked if I wanted to meet up again for a “post-final celebration” when we were done with the exam.  Okay, now I was really starting to think he wanted to spend some more time with me before winter break 👀

So after the design final, we walked down to one of two boba shops on the edge of campus and downtown.  We both ordered our drinks, he got some popcorn chicken, and we talked for four hours!  I can’t remember everything we talked about, but time really flew by.  And then, before we went home, he gave me a one-armed hug again.

December 14

I had plans to fly home to LA today.  I had spent the previous night cleaning my apartment and packing stuff (I managed to forget to bring a pair of sneakers because, for some reason, dumbass me decided to wear heeled boots to the airport because ~fashion~).  I was sitting in the airport, about to board the plane, when I got a message from J.  He remembered that I was flying that day and was asking if I got home safely.  Aww he actually cares.  I told him that I would be boarding soon and will be offline for the next couple hours.  And then I updated him when I got off the plane, when my parents picked me up at LAX, while we sat in the typical LA traffic, until we all made it home.

December 15 - January 5

Over the next few weeks of winter break, we messaged each other a couple times every day.  We shared pictures of the holiday decorations in our home, and I shared pictures and video clips of my pet bunny too.  On Chistmas Eve, he asked if I had any plans, to which I told him we were going out for dinner to celebrate my mom’s birthday.  He wished my mom happy birthday and I passed the birthday wishes to my mom. “Hey mom, my friend says happy birthday.” “Thank you — who???” And I had to tell my mom about J (whoops).  Her judgmental ass was not exactly happy to hear that J is a Caucasian dude from yeehaw country, and after showing her J’s Instagram feed, she was not a fan of his art style smh.  Anyways, the day I was coming back to Davis, J was like AHHHH you’re back!!!!!!!  Just pure excitement 💖

January 9 - 16

We met up at yet another boba shop after the first week of classes.  Our meeting was shorter than all our previous meetings, because I had to bike back to give an apartment tour later that afternoon.  Two weeks into the winter quarter, we met after our design studio classes and walked to an HPA meeting together.  We also went to a graphic design club meeting together, after which he offered to drive me home so that I wouldn’t have to bike with the cold wind on my face.  I trusted J at this point, so I gratefully accepted.  I think my trust in him went up at least 10 times in this moment, because J managed to secure my small and heavy bike to the bike rack on the back of his car, which already had his bike strapped in.  After dropping me off at my apartment, he invited me out for dinner that weekend (it was also MLK weekend).

January 18

J picked me up at 7.  The restaurant he chose was hella ~ f a n c y ~.  It was an Italian restaurant downtown with dim lighting and pasta priced at $13 - $16.  He said he didn’t know the place would be that fancy and that he trusted Yelp’s description of “casual Italian.”  I told a friend about our sort-of-date night and she thinks J picked a date-y restaurant on purpose 👀  Oh and my mom went the extra mile of writing down J’s name, the place we were going to, and I was to call home at 10 PM (I ended up getting back and called an hour early).

February 14 - Valentine’s Day ❤️

Unfortunately, J never came to another HPA meeting because the campus radio station, KDVS, holds meetings at the same time, and he’s trying to get a job with them.  And we don’t really see each other very often because design classes are usually 3-hours long and J is really busy with 5 classes.  But J has been super excited about Yule Ball ever since he met me.  J came over while I was tabling for ticket sales.  He mentioned that VGO was going to see Sonic that night, and invited me to hang with VGO.  Let me tell you, it was quite an experience and definitely not the typical Valentine’s Day date.

We pulled into a Sonic drive-in for dinner (because gotta get in that Sonic mood lol).  A girl introduced herself as D (name altered to protect identity, of course).  She clearly has some sort of leadership role in the group because everyone pays attention to her, but she constantly makes jokes about being everyone’s daddy.  The jokes are so vulgar and obscene.  It was like weirdest video game nerd and band kid hybrid (J later tells me she’s a violinist.  What?!  Orchestra people are usually super chill lol).  After dinner, we get in our cars and head down the street to the movie theater.  The VGO had reserved seats in Row J.  J and I had just booked our tickets several hours earlier and we were in Row F.  Throughout the movie, someone in the theater yelled at every pivotal moment (including, yes, that Tails reveal in the post credits).  J thoroughly enjoyed the movie and laughed along with whomever was yelling behind us, while I knew absolutely nothing going into it, except that Sonic is a blue hedgehog that can run super fast.  J also gave one additional bit of info before the movie: Sonic really likes chili corn dogs for some strange reason???

So that’s how my Valentine’s Day went lol

February 18

J came by around 3 in the afternoon, right before we were going to pack up for the day, and purchased a Yule Ball ticket.  He’s obviously very excited to go to Yule Ball with me but he says he doesn’t know how to dance.  I told him we have a waltz lesson planned.  He’s like aww and says he wants me to personally teach him (my heart 💕).  And as always, he gave me a hug before leaving to go to class.  Recently, I noticed that J has been giving full hugs instead of his usual one-armed hugs, though it depends on the situation.

February 22

✨❄️ Y u l e   B a l l ❄️✨

J and I arrived separately at Yule Ball because I had to help set up the venue for the event and I had spent the entire day working on an Azkaban wanted poster prop and literally finished it two hours before our meeting time for setting up the venue.  The dance was supposed to start at 7 PM and J got there early enough to help me out with last-minute decorations.  I had signed up to be in charge of the photobooth from 7 to 7:30, but no one came for pictures during that 30-minute period, so I was free for the rest of the night.  J and I had a fantastic time admiring the detailwork in the decorations around the venue and laughing and dancing to the weird selection of 2000s music.  J did pretty okay with learning waltz basics and I gave him tips here and there on standing in closed frame, balance, the slight tension in the left hand, etc.

Sometime towards the end of the night, my ballroom friend pulled me aside for a bathroom chat and asked if we’re dating.  I don’t know???  We haven’t decided to call it official so ??

After helping clean up everything at the end of the night, J dropped off a friend and right before turning to drop me off (I live across the street from that friend), he remembered that I hadn’t had actual food all day prior to Yule Ball (aww he actually cares, and he probably wanted some extra time with me even though my apartment was right there).  So we went downtown for (a very late) dinner.  While we chatted over food and boba, our conversation drifted towards soundtrack music and I mentioned The Theory of Everything soundtrack, my favorite soundtrack besides Game of Thrones.  J immediately searched up The Theory of Everything soundtrack album and streamed it on the way home (that’s some serious dedication right there), and he liked it!

Oh and I forgot to mention that J forgot to bring a jacket and I had a very warm scarf and coat, so we held onto each other with a one-armed hug while we walked to his car.  I really love his hugs, one-armed or full hugs.

I usually post a picture from Yule Ball every year so here’s this year’s!  Yep, that’s J.  And we’re both Ravenclaws :)

I’ll end this post here, so I don’t end up with a romance novel in a single post lol

[actuallyvady]

Tagged by @ryanglitter, figure i might as well do the thing ♥

1. Do you make your bed?   

No, lol. Sometimes I’ll throw the blankets back into a semblance of made so the cat can sleep on the one she likes best.

2. What’s your favorite number? 

3 is the biggest, most important one-- I love the number 3 and any number divisible by 3, and I have since I was young enough to know what the number 3 was but not yet old enough to develop memories I would keep so I have no idea why. But it extends at least somewhat to geometric designs as well-- I tend to prefer symmetry based on odd numbers and like... there’s a triangle in the middle of my giant back tattoo. 

I am also quite fond of 13, because it’s my birthday and because I turned 13 on a friday. It helps that it has a 3 in it.

And I quite like the number 17, for reasons I cannot explain. I am drawn to it, and find it... soothing? That’s not quite right. Grounding, perhaps. 

3. What’s your job? 

I cut rectangles of fabric all day. Sometimes I have to stick rectangles together to make bigger ones.

4. If you could, would you go back to school?  

... that depends on what “if you could” means. I could! I could literally enroll anywhere I liked tomorrow, my parents would support me in doing that. But I already have tens of thousands of dollars of student loan debt and no degree to show for it, so I probably won’t. That said, if I suddenly found myself financially solvent to the point where there would be no loans and I didn’t have to worry about having a job with health insurance? Yeah, I might. 

I miss the fancy, nerdy engineering school I was at before my mental health problems made me flunk out. I am actually being treated for those now, and I would love to go back, and see if maybe I couldn’t be successful this time around. It was a lovely place and I felt at home there and hell, I even miss having math homework and tearing my hear out over physics problems. 

So yeah... if I “could” I would. 

5. Can you parallel park? 

Yeah. My first year at my first college I said fuck that noise to paying $300 for a parking pass and spent all semester using street parking even though I lived on campus. Now I drive a toy car with a tight turning radius and can fit into even the tiniest spaces, which means I am less afraid of street parking than most of my friends. It’s a pity I can’t be the one to drive when we go out somewhere-- the aforementioned “toy car” seats two, and the passenger will probably have difficulty getting in and out and therefore cannot have any, like, knee or back problems. 

6. A job you had which would surprise people?

I fell for a couple of MLM schemes when I was younger, one of which involved selling sex toys. 

7. Do you think aliens are real?

Yes, but I do not believe they have ever come here. 

8. Can you drive a manual car? 

Yes, but not well, and I prefer not to. That said, it is a little disappointing that my toy car is an automatic-- he’d be more fun as a manual. But he was the one I happened to find for sale when I needed a car and I love him... plus I can manually control which gear I am in for the first three gears, if I so choose; that is an option my toy car has.  

9. What’s your guilty pleasure? 

I do not feel guilty for the things I enjoy. 

10. Tattoos? I 

I have a giant phoenix on my whole back and a sprig of cherry blossoms on the inside of my right arm. I am currently considering three more, one of which will happen as soon as I am not spending all of every paycheck on kpop (so about a week after never, if things keep going the way they are)

11. Favorite color? 

I have always said it was green. I do not remember deciding that it was green; I declared green my favorite color before I was old enough to form memories that I would keep, much like my love for the number 3. I have childhood things that are green because it was my favorite color that I acquired very, very young. 

That said, I was reminded recently why green is my favorite color. 

On Monday night I went to the denver art museum to see an exhibit of claude monet’s work. I am quite fond of monet, so I took my time, standing and staring at some of the pieces long after the audio tour had told me to move on to the next room. And what I was most fond of was the fact that many of his pieces are so... life-like. They’re more real than photographs, because they not only capture a sense of movement, they seem to capture a feeling-- there were several where I just wanted to close my eyes and listen to the wind in the leaves and feel the sun on my face. Because looking at these paintings, I felt like I could.

Anyway, green is the color of dappled sunlight filtering through thick foliage and soft cool grass beneath bare feet and I adore it.

12. Things people do that drive you crazy? 

If I am posting a rant about something, I do not want you to offer solutions-- especially when those “solutions” are not helpful in any way. Unless I ask a question directly or request suggestions, please refrain from shoving your “expertise” in my face; chances are good I’ve already thought of what you are suggesting and figured out why it won’t work. 

That’s not an important one, it just annoys me so much.

13. Any Phobias? 

I’m getting better about spiders! I can deal with them existing in my space, now. Still freeze if I try to approach them to like rehome them outside but. 

14. Favorite childhood sport? 

There was a brief period of time where I played soccer at recess. Then I fractured my pinky when a ball hit it the wrong way and I stopped doing that. 

15. Do you talk to yourself? 

Mostly I act out the dialogue to whatever daydream or fanfiction I am currently playing with. (These days I am developing elaborate post-canon stories for the Untamed. No, I will not share them. They are very self-indulgent and kind of ridiculous, especially the longer I play with them.)

16. What movie do you adore? 

It just came up on facebook again yesterday so Jupiter Ascending is actually one of my favorite movies and no, I will not listen to arguments why I should not love it. 

There are others, of course, but.

17. Do you like doing puzzles?

Like... jigsaw puzzles or like... what? Because it really, really depends on what kind. Some I am more fond of than others. Generally speaking, as long as I am not under a time constraint, yes.

18. Favorite kind of music? 

These days? kpop. 

19. Tea or coffee? 

Yes. I drink both regularly.

20. The first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? 

There was a winter olympics when I was about five and I clearly recall wanting to be a figure skater but thinking I was too old to start training. 

Not going to tag anyone, just thought it would be fun to answer. ♥

[the-last-airbadger]

My 2019

Hello pals. It's time for my annual end of the year post. The end of the decade means time for reflection and seeing how well I did with my resolutions haha (not that well I fear)

The Beginning of 2019 vs Now

The beginning of this year was amazing! I started off the year with a three week break, and after that, the second semester of my first year at uni started. This semester was honestly probably the happiest I've been in my life. I love attending university and I have the greatest group of friends there and every day there was a treat that semester (the current one is a bit of a drag sadly). My mother also moved in februari, which was something I wasn't really looking forward to at the time, but in hindsight, that was really great too. I was excited to go into the new year and felt sure it was going to be a good one!

I also had the best sleeping schedule back then. I slept from 12 til 9 literally every night, was on top of all of my schoolwork, and basucally I really had my life in order while also having a lot of time left to read and do other fun things, which was a great feeling.

The Best Things about 2019

The first best thing that happened this year was the DAY6 concert! I've been wanting to see a kpop group live ever since I got into kpop, so this was literally a dream come true. Not only was the concert the best concert I've ever been to, I also got the chance to give all the members a high five, which was a surreal feeling. One of the best evenings of my life.

Then, like I said, my mom moved into a new house, and it's such a chill house! I love beeing there! So that was great too

I also fell into a booktube hole around that time, which I'm really happy about! A Clockwork Reader's videos have entertained me for hours and Jessethereader is one of my favourite youtubers right now. I'm so thankful I found his videos! They are both entertaining and has really given me more motivation to read, as well as introduced me to many many books I'd never heard of before. My tbr has grown considerably since then haha. I also read so much since then! I have never read this much in a year!

I turned 20, scored a 10 in one of my courses (very proud of that), and I went to Alec Benjamin's concert with my sister which was amazing!

But I don't really remember many other special things that happened 😅. OH WAIT YEAH AVENGERS ENDGAME AND THE NEW SPIDERMAN MOVIE. And a lot of kpop releases! But I feel like it was mostly a year of school, books, and chilling than one of specific exciting events.

My Resolutions for 2019?

Oof, I haven't really looked at these resolutions at all this year, and I'm realising that I probably should have, because I don't think I accomplished many of these 😂

Dye my hair (let’s give that another go shall we) - My hair is still very brown 😔

Get a good haircut - I've had a couple of really good haircuts this year, so that's a win! This makes me wonder what my hair looked like last year though🤔 (I looked it up, it wasn't that bad XD)

Get a tattoo - Didn't do that :(

Move out of my parent’s house (that’s a bold one) - Didn't do that either! I could have, but then I realised I was actually quite happy living at home so I decided to stay for a while. I guess that's still a win because I'm happy about where I live 🤔. I do still wanna move out at some point though, but there's no need to rush.

Accomplish my reading challenge on Goodreads (I really want to accomplish that 35 books goal, it’s starting to haunt me) - YES. I DID THAT. FINALLY. AFTER 3 YEARS. and not just a little bit either, I read 49 BOOKS this year and more than double the amount of pages I've ever read in a year. 2019 really was the year of reading. Discovering booktube was really a gift.

Get tickets for A.C.E.’s concert - Did that! The concert was cool

Get swol - yeeeaaah nooooppee

Communicate more with the people around me - I don't know if I did that, I guess I didn't really pay attention to whether I did this or not soooo🤷‍♂️

Don’t let other people’s opinions shape my actions - Still working on that

Pass my first year at uni - Yeehaw

Go swimming (I haven’t done that in 3 years) - HOW HAVE I NOT DONE THIS YET?? I NEED TO SWIM IT'S BEEN 4 YEARS

Grow a beard (plz universe) - 😔

Learn how to make flipbooks (it looks really cool) - yeah I kinda lost interest in this

Learn how to knit (I really wanna make my own sweaters) - still want to try this 🤔

Read books on storytelling and learn more about how to tell a story - I did not read books on storytelling, but I did watch a couple of Hello Future Me videos which were helpful so tiny mini win

Develop my story more - This is a very vague resolution... like I have no Idea what "more" is when I don't know how much I wrote in 2018 😂. If this means just continuing to develop my story then I think I succeeded, but if it means I consistenly and conciously spent more time on developing my story then I did not.

Write at least 100 pages - I have no idea how much I wrote this year honestly. I wrote a bit but 🤷‍♂️

Spend more time with my friends, both new friends and old friends - sadly, I kinda feel like I failed this one. Last semester I only really saw my best friends twice. My other friendgroup I saw every day (because school) but I only saw them about 3-4 times outside of school which I would have liked to be more...

Expectations for 2020

I don't really have that many expectations for this year. I know I will start my third year at university (time is going TO FAST) and will have to start working on my thesis which I'm not really looking forward to.

Another thing that I know will happen is that my dad will move, meaning I'll move into my mom's house permanently. I am actually quite looking forward to the stability of living in one house again instead of switching every week, but I will miss my room.

And yeah apart from that I don't really know. I have a feeling this will be a year of personal development, writing, reading and creativity, but I have no idea.

I'm also looking forward to the release of the new Hunger Games Prequel, and I'm also hOPING that SHINee will come back at the end of the year but only time will tell 👀

2020 Resolutions

I'm feeling ambitious right know so I might end up doing none of these things BUT that's okay let's do this

Express my feelings more (as in I get really awkward in any sappy or mushy situation but I would like to be able to tell people I appreciate them without cringeing)

Again, learn to depend less on other people's opinions and trust my own

Get my sleeping schedule back on track

Become better at summarizing (no more 4 page summaries of 4 page texts 😂)

WRITE MORE. This time I'll make some concrete goals: Either I'll get my story's first draft done, or I'll write 100 pages on a single project

I want to try NaNoWriMo (not nessicarily in November, but at some point)

I want to read a lot again but maybe not as much as this year because I want to focus on writing too. 40 books?

Read all my current unread books (Aru Shah 2, Skullduggery Pleasant 9, Gemina, The Mistborn Trilogy and Call Down The Hawk) and finish my reread of Heroes of Olympus and the Raven Cycle

Finally read a book by V.E. Schwab (I've been wanting to try one of her books for ages)

Finish Playing Twilight Princess (I promised my brother)

Finally start spelling "definitely" correctly because I've been spelling it as "definately" for years and I really need to stop 😂.

Go. Swimming. Seriously. It's scandalous that I still haven't done that after waiting so long to be able to😂

Try to worry less about school and not overwork myself

Maybe try another drawing challenge somewhere this summer? I haven't done any of those in a while and I feel like my art needs more attention

I want to try a 24 hour readathon

I kinda want to learn a piano piece as well, but I already have so many hobbies I want to focus on so I don't know if I'll have the time :(

So, that was it for this year! Thanks for reading and happy 2020!

@the-official-pentacorn @asiandutchgirl

Last year’s post (x)

[someonefromseoul]

Fuck Me.

Hello. I don’t know who or what I’m directing this to but I’ll just pretend there’s someone actually reading this. Temptation is a strong fundamental desire that doesn’t always have our best interest. Like that time you look in the mirror wishing you haven't had that donut for lunch, or that other time when you turn and toss, only to find yourself not being able to sleep at 4am from the nap you had earlier that day.

I feel like shit right now. I had oily ass bacon for breakfast, cup noodles for brunch, pepperoni pizza for lunch, ice cream cone for dessert, almond soy bean milk as my “work drink”, only to transition my day into a nap.

I feel bloated as fuck and my pimples are having the time of their lives, meeting new friends and such. 

So this only leads me to my usual routine of self hatred and disgust for a solid hour, drotting down what the rest of my day will look like just to fool myself to thinking I’m productive, and get on Tumblr to waste more time complaining about my day!

Okay, but here’s the deal. I really do want to get better again. I stopped working out ever since my gym closed down from that fucking coronavirus (yes, I am that spoiled and self centered only to be complaining about my gym closing during this time of crisis) which has been a couple of months now. 

I had diet fillers on my chin area to get rid of my chin fat right before the quarantine. That was a fucking waste of money since my double chin is back.

Anyway, my point is that I want to be somewhat sane again. My mind is literally going crazy over being stuck at home and I clearly don’t love my body enough judging by how I’ve been treating it. 

I put a face mask earlier today. That’s a change. I’m going to work out starting NOW. In like a few hours. And I’m going to document the progress and process because I want to see the change and actually hold myself accountable if I don’t go through with this. 

So this is the plan.

1. I am 51.8kg (114.2 pounds) right now. My goal weight is 48kg (105 pounds). Okay, so basically my goal is to lose around 10 pounds.

2. I just started an art instagram. Try to post three times a week. I want to have 10 followers by the end of May. And NOT by asking my limited amount of friends to follow. I want to connect with real strangers who are really there for my art.

3. My fucked up skin. Let’s try to clear that out as soon as possible as well. I know I have oily skin and a huge part of that comes down to what I consume. Let’s fucking please stay away from oily and salty food. Drinks permitted is only water, tea, and sometimes alcohol. 

4. Speaking of alcohol, try to stay away from that. Which I’m doing a good job of these days because I’m “social distancing” (no friends). I’m going out tomorrow though but let’s really try to keep it like max 3 drinking nights per month. MAX. preferably once to none.

5. You can never single out alcohol when you’re a smoker. Hi, hello, I’m a smoker. I’ll write a post going more in depth about my smoking journey. Long story short, I’ve been smoking since August of 2013. So like 7 years already. I genuinely don’t know why I started it. Actually that’s a lie, I got into it because I thought it looked cool and I wanted to fit in. Sad, sad weakling I was. Anyway, I’m going to QUIT. I literally say this like merry Christmas to the point my friends just roll their eyes at me whenever I say this. Like, let’s really try to make this a reality instead of this having to be that time I cried wolf again. LIKE PLEASE. For yourself, man. You know you’re getting old and it’s not like you have any more health to spare.

6. Work on my art project. You know which one I mean. I want to keep it on the down low. To roughly plan, I want to work on my portfolio around June July and August. but by June, let’s focus on instagram, enhancing my drawing skills from proko, and this personal art project I’m not going to specifically go into because it’s confidential. Let’s call it Arty. So yeah, finish Arty.

7. My relationships. Mind you, I’ve never seen a therapist because I’m not financially independent and it’s a taboo subject to bring up in Asian culture. At least with my family. So no, I haven’t been professionally diagnosed, but who needs a doctor when we have google, right? So to preface, this is not a legitimate claim I’m making. But I strongly think and believe that I have anxiety; especially social anxiety and an avoidant personality disorder. I definitely deal with SOMETHING-I do plan on going to a therapist the moment I get the chance to, which is hopefully, soon. Anyway, getting back on topic. I want to work on my relationships with my friends and family because I’ve literally been in my shell for the past couple of months. Avoiding people at all costs. Not healthy at all.

8. My mental health. Probably the most important one. If this was a meat house and I could grade my health, I would give it a B+. Definitely not a S, not exactly an A either-but on the fence between A and B. Not quite A- but more of a B+. I don't have any serious health issues but I’m not great either. I feel slightly uncomfortable when breathing, my mind is foggy, and I think I might have hemorrhoids soon. Literally keeps me up at night because it frightens me-I constantly flex my butthole just in case things might peep out (sorry for the TMI but this is my fucking blog so deal) (me still pretending like someone’s actually still reading this shit post) I lose sleep over it, don’t even get me started. Anyway, if my body health is a B+, my mental health is probably around a B-. I don’t think it’s around the C level, but it’s definitely below average (average being a B). It’s at the verge of either becoming average or enter into the C level. A or S is obviously out of reach with my potential right now. But I want to get to an A; possibly to a S some day. Some day. A girl can dream. Anyway, how I want to go about this is to keep writing on this blog. Because I have a fake ass personality, I literally hide my real self to everybody. Kinda psycho like that. At least this little spot can be my safe space where I can get all my genuine shit out. To be serious for 2 seconds, I think I’m fake to people these days because I don’t feel comfortable being completely myself. My self esteem really plummeted after I graduated high school. I’ve been shushing myself internally too-shaming myself about how stupid and weird I sound. I’ve been trying to press down all my negative judgements and thoughts because I didn't want to spread that kind of energy to other people which made me be fake positive all the time. That can be really fucking suffocating, guys. Those of you who know what I mean say I. 

Anyway, I want to find my color again. I think I’ve been shushing and shaming myself for so long, I don't even know who I am anymore. Hopefully writing like this helps. And apparently physically working out does as well. Let’s try to aim everyday, maybe a lazy day per week.

Side note-Kakaotalk keeps spamming me about the sakura flowers and how beautiful it is, suggesting me to go see it. Um, hello. Can you stop harassing me with these insensitive messages? Some people don’t have friends to go with. And it’s quarantine season? Are you dumb?

9. My looks. which goes under self care as well. I’m not gonna lie, I think I’m a fairly okay looking girl. I’m going to change my makeup style because after not putting on makeup for so long and looking back at my old photos, I’ve seen my bare face for so long, I grew fresh pair of eyes to see how I REALLY looked prior to this quarantine. And I finally got what people meant by “your makeup looks obnoxious.” Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE makeup. I’ve loved makeup ever since I was a sophomore in high school. I follow many of the beauty gurus (how they used to call it back in the days. I think people call them beauty influencers or makeup artists now) from youtube and Sephora was my second home. My broke ass owns like majority of the urban decay naked palettes in exchange for eating kimchi and eggs for weeks with my poor college student self in exchange. Poor college student with a BEAT makeup look though.

Anyway, the point I want to get across is that I respect and love ANY form of self expression. There is no such thing as too much or too less (is that even a word) makeup as long as YOU feel good in it. I personally did and I enjoyed my extra caked face. But not anymore. Maybe on some occasions, but I just don’t feel like that’s me anymore. So I need a new make up look, and I literally want new clothes. I hate my freaking outfits. Going to invest in some soon.

I can’t really think of anything else. I want to go in further with some of the topics I’ve tackled today but I think that’s enough journal writing for today. If I think of anything else, I can always update later. I just fucking pray I don't get hemorrhoids. I don’t have it now but I’m just so paranoid because I literally sit down 25/8 and apparently sitting for an extended period of time continuously can cause hemorrhoids. And for some reason I keep feeling like I’m going to get it soon. Like my butthole low-key feels a little weird at times. Hopefully I’m okay.

[monkey-network]

Good Stuff’s Best of 2018

WARNING: I just want to say cheers to you for making it through another year. I send you best wishes for next year to be fruitful. Thank you, take care out there, and enjoy.

Dedicated to Stan Lee, Stefán Karl and Stephen Hillenburg, the number ones of children entertainment

Bow Whacka Wow, playas and players. 2018 gave us quite a lot to consume while society continues to fumble like a Tumblr update. While hopefully the chaos has died down for the final weeks of the year, I’m counting down the best cartoons/animations I’ve seen and loved this year in no particular order. Only two rules, no sneak previews of future projects (sorry 101 Dalmatian Street and MP100) and no potential entries from last year’s list (sorry True). With that said, roll it....

10. UNIKITTY!

I love the Lego Movie. I’ll potentially like the sequel. I like Unikitty. She got a show, and it was a great show to start off the year. Upbeat, colorful, off the walls sometimes, perfectly capturing the spirit of the eponymous character. I’m glad the other characters are just as enjoyable, I never get tired of the theme song, every episode had me smilin’ one way or another, it’s just a quality bottle of positivity juice. Don’t know how else to explain it, Unikitty, the show and character, just makes and continues to make me smile.

9. POP TEA-- SIKE!

This anime ain’t nothing but unfunny randomness and skits with a forgetful arc in the first and final episode. I don’t get it, never gonna get it, so I don’t want to get it! MORE LIKE POOP TEAM EPIC, ‘nuff said. Which is why the actual number nine is....

9. BOB EPIC TEAM

Honestly, there is something endearing about the way Bob Epic Team presents itself. The simplicity and variety of its animation is remarkably good and makes it feel timeless sometimes. The comedy works in a way that gives you a clear grasp on the two characters while letting them do whatever they want. The surrealism of this is fun to think about, showcasing a hedonistic philosophy that rivals that of Epicurus. The duo’s chemistry is what especially got me, as they felt like the best of friends, potentially love birds *wink wink*. This anime was just creative in every sense of the word and, like Unikitty, it was a great anime to start of the year.

8. CRAIG OF THE CREEK

The ska is RAH. I honestly find this to be the loose spiritual successor to Hey Arnold and Recess. Like the playground, the creek is a well fleshed out setting with the many characters that hang there, from the TAZ trio to the loving witches of the creek. Though I will say the best episodes are when we get insight on the main three’s personal lives with their families and when the characters themselves go through a personal trial to understand themselves a little better. The shows thrives in the theme that the creek is a place where you can enjoy getting your hands dirty and work towards something you want, even if it doesn’t add to any concrete long term benefit beyond learning a thing or two about yourself and others. And I say for somebody that relates to Craig as a character, that’s a welcoming thought that the show has yet to perish. And the ska is a welcome choice of music, IMO.

7. THE EPIC TALES OF CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS

It’s funny in how a little over a year of getting a movie, Captain Underpants gets an animated series with not only original stories in lieu of just animating the already printed stories, but puts it all in a format similar to reading a book with a sardonic narrator and separating the plot of the episode into chapters with subtitle cards; one of the first I’ve seen do this. But really, a “Captain Underpants cartoon” is something I can’t say would turn out bad, and I’m right as this is a show that revels in what made CU great in the first place. George, Harold, Melvin, and Mr. Krupp/Captain Underpants are all great characters with the additional supporting cast providing welcome life to the world. Every Incredible Violence Chapter is brilliant in their own right, and while I wasn’t a fan of the ending they had for the season, it’s great that almost every episode is self-contained, boosting its replay value. Honestly, any compliment I have for this was already said in my review of this and the movie, so I’ll just say this too was faithful to its source material and benefited heavily for it.

6. GARY AND HIS DEMONS

Rick and Morty done better. BOOM, send tweet! It is safe to say that this was quite the sleeper hit and I can’t help but say it’s lowkey one of the best adult cartoons this year next to Ballmastrz and Final Space. And while I certainly appreciate the other two *hint hint* this one got a step above on the grounds that it works as a comedy and a solemn tale of a chosen hero that stumbles through years in the office life. It’s improv humor feels natural and it can be as melancholic as Bojack Horseman without making it all too deep like so; has a great balance of both. Main man Gary, unlike Rick for the most part, is a guy that’s both reasonably reprehensible yet pretty relatable. Not to mention, while it was bittersweet, it had a very satisfying finale to where I feel like this was a complete series all together. With a rough art style that compliments it’s tone, this was a series that surprised me in its sharp quality.

5. APPLE & ONION

I’ll admit. Initially wasn’t a fan of it as it felt like a knock-off to Regular Show (may it rest). Just had a duo of bros living together, doing mundane labor while coming up with impromptu tunes along the way. Then again, I was gladly proven wrong because the charm of it generally being a simple show, even with every person being food, somehow more regular than Regular Show. Every song they make is upbeat and catchy, all of the characters are endearing, and with only 10 episodes, each one was well paced and had quality writing to the point where I teared up a couple times. It stinks that this and Summer Camp Island have generally been receiving the shaft this year after their premieres, but I'm just glad that they haven’t been truly forgotten by CN and are getting more episodes next year. Plus, I love food and this show is about food. Debate over.

4. LEGEND OF THE THREE CABALLEROS

I was familiar yet never saw The Three Caballeros, ironic since Donald is one of my favorite Disney characters. But then, out of the blue, I found this and I was stunned, amazed, confused, nonetheless invested. It has a bumpy start, but it’s a joyous adventure from that start to end. The look of it is something I’ve rarely seen in animation since... freakin’ Wakfu. I love Xandra and I was glad to see her be an active player on the team. The villains are such a hammy delight. And Jose and Panchito were very lively and entertaining foils to Donald’s cynic nature while all three work as well together like the 3 stooges. Donald himself gets a great arc of his own throughout the season. And the theme, HO MY GOD I LOVE THIS THEME! It’s a damn shame Disney hasn’t released this already (since it’s all online already) because this series is much better than it has any right to be.

3. GOLDEN WIND/VENTO AUREO

I say, the beauty of Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure is that regardless of what part you start from, you’re enthralled into its world and ya feel compelled to dig into it more. Parts 3 was what got me into Jojo, like most I bet, but it was part 5 that got me “Oh yeah, this series [just] works on more than level”. The characters are what keep me hooked, regardless of Crunchyroll refusing to give their stands proper English names [Zipper Man, CR?], Fighting Gold and Freak ‘n You will never get old, and David Productions putting great effort into the small details and giving life and style to the original manga. I’ll just say, as one who’s read and loved the manga, this anime has not ceased to keep me impressed and guessing for more.

2. INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE

Funking superb, you afro having web-slinger. I hate to say it, but 2018 didn’t have the most impressive line-up of western animated features. Most were average, entertaining sure, but nothing felt like 110% was given. Until Spidah-Man came on the scene and I was like “WIG...

The only major problem I have with this film, besides a bit of slow pacing, is more of a missed opportunity where the stakes of getting the Spidermen back to their dimensions before dying felt like an afterthought. Then again, that’s ALL I have for problems. It looks fantastic. The action is smooth, coherent, and satisfying to see. The tiny details and comic book aesthetic of it was a blessed touch. I loved almost every character here. Nick Cage and John Mulaney. The fact that it has so much yet was able to juggle it all blew my mind. Even the post credits scene made this such a love letter to the wall-crawler. This film was refreshing to say the least and the central theme behind the idea of Spider-Man made this as great of a superhero movie as Infinity War and Lego Batman. Just saying, this better make its budget back and THEN SOME. It deserves it.

1. HILDA

Netflix, we’re not on good terms mind you, but ya done did it again. This is honestly one of the few shows that I genuinely took my time with as opposed to binging it, because binge watching is a devil in itself. Like the Spider-verse movie, it got the style of its source material down to cozy colored T with its autumn color palette and etched lining in the characters. Like the Captain Underpants series, while having a grounded arc of Hilda journeying through the city life and her colliding wildlife, each episode can be generally be enjoyed on their own. Like Gary and His Demons, it felt like a complete season and the fact it’s getting a season two made things all the better. But above all, it was a generally peaceful yet captivating fantasy cartoon to watch with incredible animation, an endearing main character, amazing looking folk creatures of all sizes and powers, and a cuddly deerfox for a pet. I say this is to the fall what Harvey Beaks was to the spring, and if I can compare a show to Harvey Beaks you know you’ve achieved greatness. Like True and the Rainbow Kingdom, gives you a moment of honest bliss and happiness that can influence your outlook on looking forward to better things because like Hilda herself, you push forward and have some fun exploring.

Just saying, I cannot stress this enough this is NOT my number one favorite show of the year, hell of all time. THAT goes to....

1. 👏TEEN 👏TITANS 👏GO, BABEEEEEEY!!

ONCE AGAIN, Teen Titans GO reigns supre-- Huh, what’s that? Oh my god, you’re serious?! The Number One is

TOTAL DRAMARAMA OUT OF NOWHERE! IT IS NOW CARTOON NETWORK’S ‘NEW FAVORITE SHOW’.

THE STREAK *DING DING DING* IS OVER

[hogwartsfirebolt]

So, it’s @magpiefngrl ‘s birthday. Or at least it was, but it’s still January 11 where I am, so it counts, right? I hope it does.

I haven’t been around for long, but ever since I joined the fandom, I’ve looked up to Magpie. I see her as such a beautiful presence who always has kind words for everyone, who has been brave enough to share her beautiful work, stories that have made my heart burst and my breath catch, every single time without fail. In my early days of fandom, I remember finding her fics and thinking wow, thinking, I want to know this person, thinking, someday, I want to be able to make someone feel the way she makes me feel with her words. She’s my favorite Drarry author, and when I found out it was her birthday, I just knew I couldn’t let it pass without doing something anything. I don’t have much, I can’t really do art, I’m not very good at edits, and to write something I would need to lease my soul to the devil for at least a couple of weeks, but I do have this: my love and admiration for her work and my wish to share it with as many people as possible. This is a rec list of my magpie_fngrl favorites. The banner picture is by Amy Judd, and it’s also Magpie’s “iconic” icon. In order of publication date:

-

1. The Miseducation of Draco Malfoy - This story holds such a deep human understanding of Harry and Draco, the way Harry toes the line between adult lawfulness and youthful law-breaking, the way Draco opens up slowly and closes up at once when he feels the need to defend himself, their shared vulnerabilities, their passion, their shenanigans, the pure fun they have together discovering the muggle world. I smiled so much when I read this, and when they encounter hardship, it felt real, it felt like life does, with its ups and downs. The way it handled media and press as a double-edged sword, sexy!Neville, Narcissa’s capitalized words, Cosmopolitan, coke and cartoons, the shop owners, “I’m yours”, everywhere you look this fic is a treasure. 

2. The Unquiet Grave - I will start by saying I have never read a fic quite like this one. Throughout the story I felt some type of way, the atmosphere is so masterfully crafted that it settled over my skin, and I could sense that there was something looming in the horizon, and that it could come at any moment. The plot comes together amazingly, and everything builds up and up, until you’re eighteen thousand words in and the story escales to a crescendo, and you’re breathless with it, and then it comes to a perfect end that ties everything together, every little detail, every feeling it elicited. When I close my eyes and remember it, I can experience it again. Truly wonderful. 

3. The Prize - Anyone who knows me knows that I’m weak for pirate stories, especially those involving a romance between a pirate and an aristocrat, and this is absolutely delicious. Draco’s smart mouth is hilarious, and I do love Harry in a position of power falling for this witty prince. 

4. Kettle - This is one of the best kink negotiation fics I’ve ever read, it’s not only really sexy, but it also shows how committed to each other they are, their love shines through in every interaction, and that may sound strange considering the topic, but it truly is wonderful and really, really well done.

5. The Spider’s Silk - I used to think I didn’t like Drarry AU stories if they were truly wildly different from the HP verse, but dear god did Magpie prove me wrong with this one. This is a fantasy AU, Harry and Draco are fae, and still it is incredibly in character. I love the way elements of canon are worked here and there to shape this world, and the sheer creativeness of the physical characteristics of each court blew my mind. I’m not sure if it was intentional or not, but the fairytale feel of the whole deed with the spider was an amazing touch. 

6. my heart’s a tart, your body’s rent - The drarry dynamic in this one is perfect. Not being able to stand each other, yet being so into each other that it physically hurts is reminiscent of the schoolboy rivalry that sparked my love for the pairing in the first place. Harry’s friendship with the girls is also fantastic, and I can’t even tell you about gender-non-conforming Draco. Wonderful.

7. Tangiers - Despite having featured many of them on this list, this is actually my favorite out of all 13 AUs in the little series, because it is absolutely everything I love in a story put together, adventure, a little bit of mystery, heartache and a romance so intense it overcomes all obstacles. Drarry as archeologists? Yes. A centuries old cursed object? Yes. Falling in love in university? Yes. Different ideals but they love each other so much it doesn’t even matter? Yes. GETTING BACK TOGETHER? ALSO YES I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!! AND NOW THERE’S A LITTLE PREQUEL!!! 

8. Sometimes a man needs - How wonderful is it that a post-war story doubles as a flower shop AU? The shop was a beautiful setting, it painted everything in a warm, golden light in my heart, and the feeling it gave me as they grew closer together was delightful. I love the little details we get of Astoria, and what Harry thinks of them, the lady trying to set Harry up, Ron looking right through Harry when it comes to Draco, and I cannot put to words the things Draco wearing a suit does to me.

9. Finding The Words - 343 words. That’s the length of this fic. 343 words of beautiful, so beautiful it aches. Imagery that painted my soul green and such a tremendous amount of feelings packed so neatly that it knocked the breath right off my lungs and swept me off my feet. I will tell you a little something, the reason I love Magpie’s writing so much is the attention she gives to detail, how she almost off-handedly mentions little nothings that mean everything, that construct a backstory loud and clear, and it feels like coming to an understanding with her, like sharing a secret, in that she can say so much without needing to actually say it, and it ends up feeling like you’ve lived in the story forever. That exact feeling comes across in this one, stronger than ever.  

10. Young and beautiful - God, I love how they come together in this one. Both in pain, with their secrets and demons, and moving forward together, finding something beautiful in the midst of all that sorrow and chaos, reconstructing themselves to feel like they can be together. It’s so, so beautiful, this story carved itself a place in my chest and took residence there. And the ending... Everything is beautiful, and I love imagining what happened after, it makes my heart soar. 

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Through the Looking Glass and What Draco Found There (I WISH I COULD GUSH ABOUT IT AGAIN, I love this story so much and so, so deeply for everything that it is, but I already talked about it in my favorites of 2018 rec list) and The Full Monty (Draco’s personality and the banter and Harry’s physique and Arthur and the hot, hot sex and lust leaks and THE CHOSEN DUNG. Nuff said) 

-

Happy birthday, Magpie ❤️ I hope it was a good one, and I hope this year that unfolds ahead of us is kind to you, full of love and creativity, words, ideas, goals, flowers, your favorite kind of wine or non-alcoholic drink and a million moments of such pure happiness that your heart doesn’t fit inside your chest. Thank you for your words, thank you for allowing us all to feel with what you write, and for being brave enough to keep putting so much of your heart out into the world. 

[winryofresembool]

503 week day 3: free choice

Aka Love Can Melt the Ice epilogue

A/N: So many times I’ve said “we are almost at the end”, but now we REALLY are there. This is it, guys. No more LCMTI after this. I love this story like it’s my baby. It’s my first long story, and it will always have a very special place in my heart. But now it’s time to let go. (For now. Because with the passion I have for this au, companion pieces or even a sequel might be a possibility in the future. But I can’t say anything official at this point.)

The biggest thank you ever to @criis55​, @automail-freak-and-alchemy-freak​, @randomlyopeneddictionary​, @roboticrainboots​, @kilmartin85 and EVERYONE else who has in some way encouraged me to continue this story. Without you guys, I would have given up a long time ago. I will always love and appreciate the nice words (and lovely art ;___;) you guys have given me more than you know, and I feel I can’t thank you enough. 

That being said, it’s time for this very self indu!gent epilogue. Please enjoy, and one last time (when it comes to this fic), let me know what you think! 

@503week

Previous chapters:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 5.5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 pt 1, pt 2, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23

Companion pieces (note: these are all post Olympics happenings so reading the main fic first is recommended): 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Words: 1500+ (sorry, it’s not long, but I feel it says everything important)

Genre: self indulgent fluff

Warnings: swearing, as usual

“Where are you taking me?” Winry asked curiously as Ed and she kept driving on roads that were unfamiliar to her. They were somewhere close to East City, but she had never visited this area, and had no idea what link Ed could possible have there.

“You will see soon enough! Just a little bit longer,” Ed answered, keeping his eyes strictly on the road to not give Winry any hints about their whereabouts.

“Fine. But if you are taking me to your team’s holiday party or something, I’m gonna say no thank you. The last time was definitely enough,” Winry huffed.

“No, this doesn’t have anything to do with them…” Ed shook his head. “Well, maybe a little, but no hockey playing jerks should be around this time.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” Winry said, focusing on the landscape again. There was nothing but forests around them, and she didn’t understand what they would find in a place like that.

“Uh, no offense,” she said after they had driven a few more minutes, “but if you wanted to take me on a date or something, some nice East City restaurant would have done… This is a bit… far, don’t you think?”

“Who said something about a date?” Ed scowled. “No, I’m showing you a place that’s important to me… I haven’t been there in a long time…”

“Okay…” Winry said, unsurely. The puzzle pieces in her head still didn’t quite go together after that revelation.

She didn’t have to wonder much longer, though, because soon Ed stopped his car at the park of an old, faraway graveyard.

“Wha…” Finally the pieces started clicking to their rightful places. “Is this where…”

“Yeah, Nina was buried here. We, who knew her, thought it was what she would have liked… She really loved nature… so this is the definitely better than some modern big city cemetery…”

“I can’t say I knew her, but that makes sense…” Winry agreed.

Before long Ed found the grave he was looking for, and kneeled before it.

“Sorry that I haven’t visited in a while…” he started. “We have had a lot going on. My team got to the finals in Amestris’ hockey league, and we’ve also had some arrangements to do… You see, Winry and I are getting married soon. I guess you haven’t met her before, so I brought her with me.” He took Winry’s hand and pulled her closer to the grave.

“You think she hears what you’re saying?” Winry asked with confusion.

“Who knows,” Ed shrugged and left the topic at that. He turned his attention back to the tombstone. “Umh, there’s another thing I wanted to tell you, Nina. The foundation we named after you has already gained several million cenz… So it’s been a success! Dad has also helped us to promote it, and I’ve heard that so far the results have been good. The universities of Amestris are doing more research on mental issues like your father’s, finding new ways to help, and we have also done some co-work with the organization Winry gave her Olympic winning money for. We will make sure things will continue smoothly here and more kids will get help!”

“I think she’d be proud of you.” Winry smiled at her fiancé.

“Thank you,” Ed said and wrapped his arm around her waist.

“You know, I am proud of you too…” she continued. “Remember that boy who freaked out over the thought of possibly liking me? You are not the same person anymore.”

“A lot of it is thanks to you guys, though.”

“Give yourself some credit,” Winry nudged him gently. “You made the decision to let us in. No one else did.”

Ed started feeling a bit awkward, like every time he had to talk about his emotions, so he decided to change the topic:

“Uh, hey, wanna get something to eat? I don’t know about you, but at least I’m starting to get hungry.”

“Sure, why not.” Winry crouched down in front of the grave one more time, taking a flower from her hair that she had put there earlier that day and setting it in front of the stone. “Bye, Nina. It was nice to meet you.”

“We’ll be back soon,” Ed promised, giving the grave one final glance before they left the graveyard hand in hand.

…

“Have you heard about Al lately?” Winry asked as they sat down to eat ice cream in the sun. Before Ed had picked her up from the East City station, she had been spending a couple of weeks in Rush Valley seeing her old friends, so the two of them had a lot to catch up on.

“Oh yeah, he called a couple of days ago,” Ed remembered. “He claims the Xingese hockey league is better than ours, but I think he has other reasons why he’s enjoying himself so much there…”

“Are just jealous that he’s doing so well without you around?” Winry teased.

“Why would I be jealous?” Ed frowned. “I have the best team and the best job and the best…”

“Soon to be wife?” Winry asked with a glint in her eye.

“I was gonna say mechanic, but that goes too.”

“I suppose I can accept that answer. So, tell me, what’s that mechanic like?”

“Well, she can be a real pain in my ass when she complains about me not oiling my arm often enough…” Ed said as if the oiling was the worst thing he knew.

“Watch it!” Winry put her soft ice cream close to Ed’s nose, threatening to mess his face with it if he continued that game.

“… BUT I know she does that only because she cares about me, and she’s also ridiculously hot, and makes me happier… and I can’t wait to marry her.” He spooned a little bit of his ice cream from its cone with his finger and wiped it on her nose tip. Then he leaned forward and pecked the ice cream off her nose.

“Are you definitely the Edward Elric I’ve known since I was a kid?” Winry asked half seriously, half flustered by his words. “Where have you learned to become that… smooth?”

“I’ve always been smooth,” Ed claimed.

“You so have not.”

“Fine. I guess watching Al with Mei has it perks,” he finally admitted.

“Well, thank you, Alphonse and Mei, for making my fiancé a sweet talker. Anyway! Did Al say how he and Mei are doing? Are they living together yet?”

“Mei’s dad seems to be a little reluctant to let his daughter go, but Al is optimistic that they will manage to win him over eventually. From what I’ve heard, they seem to be getting along pretty well because he loves hockey too.”

“That’s good. I hope everything will go work out well for them.”

“Me too. Hey, did I tell you that Captain Bastard finally asked Riza out?” Ed asked. For the past week he had gotten about a hundred messages on his phone about the bet he and Roy had made about Roy’s love life. According to Roy’s messages, Ed would be 520 cenz poorer soon.

“He did?! Oh my goodness, that’s so great!” Winry exclaimed. “I’m so happy for Riza, she’s been waiting for it to happen so long.”

“I know, it was about fucking time.”

“Ed. Poor word choice.” Winry gave him an unimpressed look.

“Oh, hush. You never complain when I…”

“Lalalala!!!” Winry covered her ears with her hands, preventing Ed from finishing his sentence. He quieted down, and suddenly his face turned serious.

“Hey, I’ve been thinking… Everyone’s kinda moving forward, and…” he started hesitantly.

“Yeah? I mean, we are too. We are getting married soon, in case you didn’t remember,” Winry noted, continuing to lick her ice cream like she wasn’t curious about what he had to say.

“I remember just fine. I’m trying to say that… I might be ready to take the next step too.” Ed’s face was about as red as back when he had first started to realize he had feelings for Winry.

“What’s the next step?” Winry asked. She enjoyed making him struggle a bit.

“My income is good, and you are finishing your studies soon, and are also doing well financially…”

“What are you trying to say?” Winry was already having a hard time hiding her curiosity and excitement over what he might ask.

“What would you say if we tried?” Ed finally blurted.

“Tried what?”

“To get a baby of our own, of course!” came out of Ed’s mouth louder than he had wished.

“Are you… are you sure?” Winry asked, her eyes almost as big as plate. “I mean, I’d love to, but… are you ready for that? I mean, with what happened…”

“Winry. I am sure. I’ve been thinking about it for a long while. I know that there will be challenging moments, but I also know we are strong enough to get over them. I would love to. Have a baby with you.”

“In that case… YES!” What was left of the ice cream flew on the road when Winry jumped to hug Ed fiercely. “I always wanted to… but I didn’t want to push it…” Winry mumbled against his shirt, and Ed thought he could feel it getting a bit wet.

“Why are you crying?”

“Happy tears, Ed…” she whispered and leaned to kiss him.

[arcanalogue]

Death and the Maiden, Cooking Edition: Pomegranate Tiramisu

Fahwad Khan, IMPERMANENT (THE POMEGRANATE SKULL) 2014

Pardon the long post, but I just don’t know where else to go with this. And even in terms of recipe posts it will be annoying because there’s the dreaded backstory — but I’m sharing in honor a friend who passed away, so I guess if you feel terrific about skimming past all that to get to a cake recipe one minute faster, no one can ever question your commitment to gastronomy. 

So here’s the deal. Back in 2011 I was hosting a monthly variety show that featured numerous components: film, live music, burlesque, PowerPoint presentations, arts & crafts, really ANYTHING. 

My friend Cas Marino wanted in on the action; he was a performer, but he was so much more than that. He was performing life, quite vividly; he was a cancer survivor who’d never stopped transforming. He played serious dramatic roles in productions all over New York City, he was happy to dive into a drag revue, he would host salons and get-togethers in his Midtown apartment, and on top of everything else, he was working on a blog called “The Food Daddy,” which was entertaining to read even if you couldn’t cook. As you’ll see below, everything he touched became infused with his humor and personality.

He’d appeared in a number of my shows, usually in drag inspired by that night’s theme. Here he is on the night we read excerpts from Elsa Lanchester’s then-out-of-print memoir. 

Here he is, drinking milk right out of the carton on the night we did a whole show about the trope in fiction about women who transform into cats. (I’m telling you, dear reader, I was truly living my best life as a producer!)

This was all in a lovely professional downtown establishment, so naturally I was interested in bending every possible rule past the breaking point. So when Cas asked if he could make food for my entire audience, I said YES... and then went to inform the venue so they could explain why it was completely against the rules. (In this instance, they had their own cafe on-site that was strictly kosher, and they could not risk confusion or contamination with outside food.) 

I don’t recall exactly how we pulled it off, but Cas began showing up at my events armed with enough food to serve 75 people (the theater’s capacity). Do you realize how incredible that is, reader? Sometimes we’d sell out, but sometimes we’d only have 15 folks in the audience, half of them comps. Cas believed in me so hard, he planned for a sold-out show every time. He would have been offended if we ran out of kibble with even one person left to feed.

The food was always on theme, so when I did a show about America’s First Ladies, he combined vintage recipes from Barbara Bush and Rosalynn Carter to make Bipartisan Buffalo Chicken Sliders, which he served dressed as Eve, the original “first lady,” mostly naked and covered in vines.

As you’ll read below, he agonized over the perfect thing to serve at our “Death and the Maiden” show.  At one point, it was going to be mini-eclairs filled with pomegranate cream and tipped with an almond fingernail. He finally settled on this original tiramisu recipe that knocked us all COMPLETELY OUT. And I ate the leftovers out of my fridge for days, because letting even one serving go to waste felt like a desecration.

Look, I’m telling you he could COOK. He once described his culinary style to me as “tragically indulgent.” His fantasy (like so many others at the time) was to parlay his food blog into an actual cookbook someday. 

Sadly, Cas did not live to fulfill this particular dream. In 2014 his cancer returned, and he faded away right before our eyes. From his hospital bed, he wrote me: “I have to survive this just to write about it and do a one-man show where I cook and feed and we all laugh and sob and go ‘Mmmmm that's fucking good’ and it just becomes a big audience/artist participation evening of sharing where I am the only one who gets to talk.”

That same year, I managed to recreate his Pomegranate Tiramisu and serve it to friends as my birthday cake; for a couple years afterward, I would look the recipe up on his website and fantasize about making it again. The ingredients weren’t cheap, and it required more kitchen space than I had in NYC. 

And then the worst thing happened: at some point after Cas’s death, the domain expired and his blog went 404, and ONLY THEN did I realize I hadn’t scribbled it down anywhere. People say “the internet is forever,” but hell... even Tumblr users know differently. 

I spent a few more years being very depressed about this, imagining the recipe was lost forever, but it turns out someone had managed to preserve the blog’s contents, and at long last it fell back into my hands. BACK FROM THE DEAD! Not unlike the Bride of Frankenstein herself.

So I’m going to let Cas take it from here, dear reader. Thank you for letting me bring him back to life for a just few minutes, performing for you, feeding you. Knowing that would’ve meant everything to him. From one of his last messages to me: “I have no designs on sainthood. But I know I still have shit to accomplish in this world, even if not a physical member of it.”

Knock ‘em dead, Cas!

“The Food Daddy” - Pomegranate Tiramisu

This recipe was created by me to fit the bill for the recent “Meet the Lady” performance (which, if you’ve not heard or read, is a monthly variety show that really rather defies description), titled “Death and the Maiden”.

I toiled with possible ideas that had to do with death and maidens, figuring most easily that a “death by chocolate” offering would at least use one of the title words. Then lady fingers came into the thought process because, well, if you dismembered a maiden you’d have two byproducts: death, most notably, and lady parts — including, but not limited to, her fingers.

Lady fingers naturally led to Tiramisu fantasies, but I didn’t want to go the traditional route. And after discussing it and brainstorming, I got smacked in the back of the head with the realization that the mythical Persephone — a maiden — kidnapped as she was by Hades — who, by way of his being the god of the underworld, was death its very self in semi-human form — ate nothing but pomegranate seeds during her detainment in hell.

If this doesn’t spell fucking dessert, I don’t know what does.

Herewith, my scaled-down recipe (in scope, not in structure or composition; I doubt you’ll need to serve 75 people with yours, though even at half-size this will serve a small army). You can pare it down even further if you feel such need, or instead of making it into one big sheet cake, assemble several smaller ones (I found this worked BEAUTIFULLY in loaf pans) and send them straight to the freezer for future enjoyment.

A few other flexible considerations: I made mine in a full-size deep steam table pan for presentation and food service purposes. These things measure roughly 20 x 10 x 3.5”, but you can use the smaller (12 x 9 x 2.5”) disposable aluminum half-pans for this recipe, or as stated above, any other configuration of sizes that suit your needs. If you want to unmold it and slice it after freezing, line your pans first with cellophane wrap. After just a minute or two out of the ice box, you’ll be able to lift it out of the pan (perhaps with the help of a hungry friend) by the ends of the cellophane, place it on a cutting board, and have at it. Tres artistique, even weighing in as mine did at about eight pounds. This last conclusion required me getting on the scale both with and without the final dessert in my arms and subtracting the first weight from the laden number, which could have been quite a site, as I generally refuse to step on a scale until I’ve removed every last stitch of clothing including my socks, and spit out any spare saliva and shaved every last facial hair so NOTHING will add even a bazillionth of an ounce to my readout, lest I suffer a deep fit of depression. And being depressed when you’re holding what turns out to be 8 pounds of really good cake is a recipe for emotion-eating disaster. But I staved off the need to feel slimmer than normal in light of the facts that (a) I was mid-movie shoot that week, and thus had to maintain a larger-than-usual mane of face-hair for my role; (b) spitting near food meant for others would be gross; (c) being naked around the same food would be even grosser; and (d) the tile floor in my bathroom could be a bit chilly, so why risk taking off my socks?

Socks, spitting, scanty clothing — nothing could have made this less enjoyable. The audience that night devoured what was served to them, and all but attacked the leftovers on the way out of the theater. I had sent samples of this creation to my usual team of taste-testers for input as part of the development process, and perhaps the most poignant and fitting critique came from my dear Mom who, just having started a new diet regimen, had the following to say during our brief check-in on the phone:

“Hello. This is your mother. Fuck Weight Watchers, and Fuck You.”

I love you, Mom. And not just because you loved this surprising new take on an old favorite.

60 Lady Finger cookies

4 Cups Pomegranate juice

1-½ Cups plus 2 Tbsp. sugar

1 Packet unflavored gelatin

4 Egg whites

1 tsp. Cream of Tartar

1 Cup Mascarpone cheese 

3 Cups Crème Fraiche 

1 Tbsp. Corn starch

¼ Cup water (or as needed) 

½ Cup sliced almonds

¼ Cup Pomegranate seeds (or dried sweetened cranberries) 

(Reserve 6 Lady Fingers for garnish.)

In a saucepan, mix pomegranate juice with 1-½ cups sugar, and sprinkle gelatin on top. Stir or whisk until gelatin is dissolved with no lumps remaining. Bring mixture to boil over medium-high heat, stirring constantly until sugar and gelatin are fully dissolved. Reduce heat to medium-low and continue to boil, stirring often, for 10 minutes. Remove from heat and set saucepan into a larger bowl filled with cold water. Stir frequently and change cold water bath often, allowing juice reduction to cool as close to room temperature as possible.

In the bowl of a stand mixer or with electric beaters, whip egg whites with cream of tartar until stiff. Remove to a separate, clean mixing bowl (preferably chilled in the freezer) and set aside.

In stand mixer or large mixing bowl with electric beaters, mix mascarpone with 1-½ cups of cooled juice reduction until well blended. Beat on medium-high for one minute. Add 1 cup of the crème fraiche and blend until smooth. Finally, fold in beaten egg whites, half at a time, just until fully incorporated.

Assembling the tiramisu: Here’s where Food Daddy starts getting anal (but this works easiest, so just shut up and do as I say. Love you!). On your prep surface, set your plate or bowl of unpackaged lady fingers (you don’t want to be messing with cellophane and plastic bags and such mid-project here); next to that, set your remaining juice reduction; and next to that, set your cake pan.

Working from left to right (or for my Hebrew or dyslexic foodies, right to left), dip a lady finger lightly in the juice by placing it on the liquid’s surface, flipping it over with your fingers, then removing it by hand and placing it in the cake pan. Working quickly, repeat this process, building a tightly packed layer of side-by-side, row-by-row, lightly soaked lady fingers on the bottom of the pan. Nobody will see the inside of the tiramisu in its entirety, so if to make a uniform layer with few gaps you need to rip a finger here or stuff a finger there, I won’t tell a soul if you have to be a bit forceful or creative.

Spoon half of the pomegranate mousse mixture over the bottom layer of lady fingers. Using the back of a spoon or a rubber spatula, spread the mixture evenly. Lift the pan and drop it gently a few times on your work surface, just to make sure all the gaps are filled and big air bubbles are removed.

Repeat with a second layer of dipped lady fingers, and then a second layer of pomegranate mousse, again tamping pan to release air bubbles and distribute the filling evenly. Top with one final layer of dipped lady fingers.

Spread the top with the remaining 2 cups of crème fraiche, tamp pan to settle the layers, and set aside.

Pour remaining juice mixture into a measuring cup, and add enough of the water, if needed, to make 1 cup of liquid. Return to saucepan, and stir in the corn starch and the remaining 2 Tbsp. of sugar until starch is dissolved. Place pan over medium-high heat, and bring to a boil to thicken. Remove from heat.

In a food processor or with a cutting board and knife, coarsely chop the almonds and the fruit, then add the reserved lady fingers and pulse (or chop and crumble) until the whole thing looks like somebody pawed at a poor helpless berry-nut muffin until there were no big chunks left.

Sprinkle the crumb mixture evenly over the top of the tiramisu. Drizzle with the pomegranate syrup mixture.

Chill tiramisu at least 2 hours in refrigerator before serving. For overnight storage or longer, cover with cellophane wrap gently pressed against the top surface.

This will “cure” and the flavors will blend and the whole combination really pull together if left refrigerated for two days. For storage beyond that or to deal with leftovers, this freezes BEAUTIFULLY. Just allow to come to room temperature before serving, or enjoy it “semi freddo” by removing from freezer and slicing wide, inch-thick slices, laying each on its side on individual serving plates and eating it cold and firm. A dollop of additional crème fraiche and a sprinkling of chopped almonds (did I hear someone say “mint sprig”?) sure would make this anything but a “leftover” dessert.