#AAAA!!! I THOUGHT I LOST THIS ASK!! Turns out it was just further in my drafts </3

[skizabaa]

Hello hello! I just wanted to thank you so much and tell you how beautiful your art was on the LRA page from the magma! The colors were so beautiful with the purple highlights on the clouds and the shading was insane! It was so fascinating watching the process. And I love love loved how you drew Moon looking up at the beautiful sky and yn climbing up the roof. It was just amazing seeing a scene from the fic come to life.

You are wonderful and I hope you have the most lovely day!

(I was going to send a message on discord, but I was silly and couldn’t find you)

AAAA!!! THANK YOU!!!! It was so fun to draw this scene, I'm glad you like it!!! Extended the original magma sketch a bit so here's the full image!! ^^

[morsartis]

The Bets Are On

You didn't always get dragged along on tours with Marvus, preferring to stay away from the sheer chaos of the limelight. It wasn't that you hated it but you certainly weren't a big fan of having Marvus within reach and yet still not being able to see him. The packed schedule that came with his tours were a drag and you weren't even bound by them. But Ourani and Revell had both asked you to be there, it was important that Marvus and his band were seen in a positive light while on an Earth bound tour. A surprising side effect of the current alliance between the two was the fact bands were allowed to perform on both planets for the first time. It was an opportunity that no one in the entertainment industry could pass up on- not even Marvus. Which was why you were there- they were trying to involve as many humans as possible as a show of good faith. Revell had been the most excited about it as the band's human sensitivity trainer. The fact he wasn't even human in the first place was both amusing and a glaring sign of Alternia's many problems. It'd be insulting if Revell wasn't so serious about his job, often consulting as many humans as he possibly could over the most minute detail and advocating for an actual human to do the training instead of himself. Unfortunately his hands were tied on that front.

Lost in your own thoughts you nearly fell off the chair you were sitting in when Ourani slammed the door to the break room open looking frazzled. His usually slightly wrinkled but tidy clothes were a wreck- tie askew and shirt buttoned wrong with his hair sticking up at odd angles. He looked like he'd survived a mob. "Thaaaat's it! I caaaan't do this aaaanymore! Maaaarvus is driving me to drink!" He shrieked the second the door swung closed behind him. You winced slightly and gave him a sympathetic smile.

"How I've laaaasted this long is aaaa daaaamn mystery!" He continued tossing his clipboard onto the table. You could only imagine what he'd been having to deal with.

"What did he do this time?"

"Whaaaat did he do this time? This time? Its less whaaaat he’s done aaaand more whaaaat he’s going to do! He purposely faaaailed every single humaaaan sensitivity course he waaaas instructed to taaaake! Do you haaaave aaaany ideaaaa how haaaard it waaaas to even get him to those courses? Its like trying to herd feraaaal purr-beaaaasts!” He all but wailed sinking down into the chair opposite from you. It creaked under his weight- built more for humans than adult trolls- and you feared it might collapse under the poor rust blood. The last thing he needed to happen when he was already this close to a break down.

“I know I talk a lot of shit about Marvus but he can’t be that bad.”

Those were clearly the wrong words to say to Marvus’ top personal assistant as Ourani looked at you with an expression bordering on murderous and manic.

“Oh, you think so huh? You think you caaaan haaaandle being Maaaarvus’ Personaaaal Aaaasistaaaant? You think you can do better thaaaan I caaaan? Fine! Why don’t you do my job todaaaay then? He’s got aaaa full schedule aaaand haaaas aaaalreaaaady shown signs of trying to blow it aaaall off!”

“Uh-,”

“Even better ideaaaa! We’ll maaaake aaaa bet out of it. If you caaaan get Maaaarvus to staaaay on traaaack I’ll paaaay some of thaaaat debt you owe to Gorjek.”

“Wh-,”

“Aaaand if you lose? I’ll finaaaally quit!” He was grinning wildly now, eyes bright with glee at the thought of quitting.

“How about if I win you just schedule Marvus a little down time?” You offered instead. Trying to hopefully keep him from losing it further.

“Fine.” He replied looking slightly less like he might jump over the table and throttle you or the next person to walk into the break room. With a more steadying breath Ourani extended his hand to shake on the bet and you gladly took it. Anything to keep him from going full American Psycho on everyone there. You both nearly lept out of your skins when his phone went off to let him know his short break was over. "How about that bet starts now and you go home to get some actual sleep?" You offered, Ourani nodded vigorously to that already shoving his clipboard into your hands. He couldn't seem to get out of there fast enough it seemed. You hoped he'd get some actual rest, the poor guy was one of the most overworked people on the job. Glancing down at the clipboard you winced. Ourani really wasn’t kidding when he said Marvus had a full schedule, looks like you could kiss any other plans you had today goodbye. Straightening out your clothes you went to go find Marvus- wherever he could have gotten. Most likely he wouldn’t be trying to hide from you. He’d be expecting Ourani to be the one trying to hunt him down.

You’d been wandering for five minutes when you finally found him. He was actually where he was supposed to be- chatting with his bandmates who immediately perked up to see you.

“Oh shit! Look who it is.”

“Hey guys, mind if I steal Marvus away for a second?” You asked cheerfully. His bandmates had a soft spot for you and it was easy to get them to agree. Their soft spot would make this bet a little easier to win, hopefully.

“Whatchu need babes?” Marvus asked once the two of you had gotten far enough away. You smiled up at him warmly. "Well, first off-," You grabbed the sides of his purple jacket to pull him down closer to your height, "I'd like a kiss." "Shit babe, all you had ta do was ask." He grinned leaning into you. His arm carefully wrapped around your waist as he tilted your chin up to get better access. You huffed a small laugh as he gave your lip a small nip before kissing you. Letting your eyes close for a brief moment to fully enjoy the kiss you cupped his jaw with your hands before regretfully having to pull back- Marvus attempting to follow you. "Secondly," You murmured interrupted by another brief kiss, "You have a meeting in two minutes." "What." You grinned at his flat off guard tone. Not being able to help yourself as you giggled. "I have your entire schedule for the day." "No."

"Mm, yes."

"Babe-,"

"You also have a meeting with Revell to talk about those courses you flunked out of."

"How-,"

"Ourani went home for the day, I'm gonna be your PA so he can actually get some sleep."

"Oh?"

"Don't get any ideas." You interrupted already knowing where his mind was going, "I'm going to make sure you get through your entire schedule whether you like it or not."

"C'mon, just give me an hour." "I might consider it-," He grinned, "After we get through your schedule."

Marvus pouted.

“Work Marvus. Focus on work.”

“Aww, but you be lookin’ so cute when you take charge.”

“And you’ll be a lot more appealing when you actually do your job.”

“Damn.” He muttered under his breath already standing back up to his full height. “Alright baby, guess we cans go to this meeting.”

It looked, at least for the moment, you might actually win this bet.

Then again, you had yet to get him to go to his meeting with Revell. For some reason those two couldn’t stand each other- you’d zoned out briefly during one of his rants only catching something vague about their ancestors that only confused you more. Revell was actually a kind troll though his threshold for what he dubbed ‘highblood nonsense’ was practically nonexistent. He seemed rather fascinated by human culture, often asking you questions on things he didn’t quite understand- some of his questions not even you could answer with any degree of accuracy. But, Marvus and him were known for their fights. Not even in the pitch leaning way either. You had yet to witness their fights but Ourani had talked about them looking pale and shaky- considering the fact that he’d been witness to the usual Alternian concert slaughter fests that happened with Marvus you had to admit you were afraid to see what could shake him like that. If Marvus' PR team was surprised to see him actually at the meeting they didn't say, though they seemed happy to see you with him. Taking your seat next to Marvus you glanced down at the schedule again. He had this meeting, his meeting with Revel, an autograph signing, and then a meeting with a lesser known human band you hadn't even heard of. Knowing Marvus all of these would be a few hours each.

“You bein’ awfully quiet over there.” Marvus murmured to you while his PR team bickered. You glanced up from the clipboard you’d been staring a hole through to give him a flat look. Better to not put him on edge.

“Just trying to figure out how to get you from point A to point B.”

“C’mon baby I ain’t that bad.”

“Ourani would beg to differ.”

“Then he can fuckin’ beg.”

You smacked his arm earning a small chuckle as he turned back to the meeting.

This was going to be a very long day.

[flrtwoo]

wc: 1.3k

as changmin neared the locker room, he heard a bunch of shouts and hoots coming from inside. soon after, a crowd of highschool kids started making their way out of the room, buzzing with energy and excitement. siyeon, who was in the crowd, spotted him and ran towards her favorite uncle.

"uncle changmin!" she shouted, earning a jolt from the clueless guy. when he saw siyeon coming his way, he smiled so wide and opened his arms for her. she jumped into the hug, laughing in happiness.

"that's a lie, you now have all the time in the world to do mom's errands WHICH you can't run away from anymore!"

"okay... maybe but don't think that i'm not dragging you with me to do them!"

you watched changmin and siyeon interact so animatedly from the entrance of the locker room, and you couldn't help but fall even further for the guy who's already stolen your heart. his smile could literally light up the whole world, you truly believed that.

"so i lost to dimples? huh."

"so i lost to dimples? huh."

you turned to meet the owner of the voice. "younghoon i still don't know how to respond to your comments, i love you but also are we really okay?"

your best friend laughed as he slung an arm around your shoulders. "YES we're okaaay it's just funny to see your reactions whenever i make comments about my crush on you!"

"you're sick, you know that? sick in the motherfriking head." you poked his head, younghoon continuing to laugh. "i know, i know."

from his peripheral vision, he saw changmin waving siyeon goodbye and walking towards you. with that, younghoon made it his cue to leave.

"looks like lover boy is coming right this way, so don't feel pressured to come to the lunch! i'll take care of the kids for now, you enjoooy your time." he teased and winked at you. you pretended to gag, mouthing a "what the fuck?" to him as he shrugged and left your side.

once you faced forward, you were met with a very nervous-looking changmin. "congrats y/n! you're the last person i needed to congratulate, i already spoke with younghoon but yea." he said.

"thanks changmin." you gave him a soft smile. he looked extremely anxious and you didn't know what was going through his head, so the both of you just kind of stood there in an awkward silence.

as you were about to end the conversation because where tf was this going to go, changmin cleared his throat. "i know your busy with the team, but can we talk? there's something i actually need to say to you."

"oh, sure! we can talk outside, at least it doesn't smell like chlorine and sweat out there." you commented, trying to lighten the mood. however, changmin didn't respond and just made a beeline towards the entrance of the arena.

you were confused, a little scared even. "what if he didn't want to be friends anymore? what if he was moving away to someplace far? what if he's not actually human? what if-"

"y/n, don't worry! it's nothing of that sort." he chuckled. "holy shit i thought out loud." your face grew beet red, and you stuttered out an apology for how he shouldn't have heard your thoughts.

you two eventually made it outside after an excruciating minute of you fanning the red out of your face and him trying to hold in his laughter at your embarrassment. you found a bench and sat on it, gesturing for him to follow.

as he sat down, he rubbed his hands against his pants, wiping off the nervous sweat that had formed. "okay, y/n i'll need you to listen to me carefully. let me know your thoughts after, alright?" he asked as he turned to face you.

"will do changmin!" you turned to face him too and flashed him an encouraging smile.

changmin was nervous in front of you, but the warmth you exuded from your smile alone was enough to give him the confidence to just think fuck it and tell you what he's been meaning to tell you for a while now.

"y/n the way we met, it was so, how do i put this... out of the blue? i mean, who expects to be punched during work duty and be pushed into the pool for literally standing there?"

you laughed at this, recalling the memory of how messed up your first and second meetings were.

"okay, i admit the second time was partly my fault, but still! it's crazy to tell people 'yea i met them in a haunted house where i was the scarer they punched'! but honestly, it's a much more interesting story than all the other 'how did you meet?' stories out there."

you nodded in agreement.

"when i met you the third time, you as siyeon's coach and me as her uncle, not gonna lie i wasn't the happiest about that. i'm sure you knew that too. but we kept meeting and meeting again under the most unexpected circumstances, and eventually i just thought 'maybe they're meant to be in my life, one way or another.'"

"we started talking more and hanging out, and soon i started looking forward to every time we talked and, well, hung out. i mean, you made even the boring things seem fun! that time i was studying for that dance theory test? all you did was ask the dumbest questions and i was already on the floor laughing my ass off!"

you wanted to protest about how your questions were NOT dumb, but changmin stopped you.

"i'm sorry, yes your questions were not dumb, i was just kidding." he patted your head, smiling affectionately at you. you rolled your eyes, however a smile similar to his soon made its way to your face too.

seeing you look at him with so much love in your eyes made something in his mind click and suddenly, his thoughts have never been clearer.

his heart's never been happier.

he didn't just like you. you meant so much more to him, and he knew you needed to know.

"what i'm trying to say is: home is somewhere i feel happy in, where i feel comforted, where i feel loved. and if being with you makes me feel those things, then y/n you are my home. and i hope you feel the same way, because i love you."

changmin exhaled as if he was holding his breath the entire time. he looked at you expectantly, waiting for your answer.

you, on the other hand, was shocked. just plain shocked, and you didn't know what to do, how to react, or what to even say.

the guy who'd stolen your heart had just admitted that you've stolen his heart too, so how the fuck do you respond to that.

after you had stayed silent for 13, 14, 15 seconds (yes, changmin was counting), he lost all hope. sighing, he looked down at his hands. "i'm sorry for putting this all on you, i knew it was a stupid idea, i'm sorry-"

you cupped changmin's cheeks to stop him from talking. he looked up, meeting your glassy eyes. you slowly neared his face until you were inches apart, and whispered your reply.

"i love you too, dumbass."

you closed the distance, lips meeting his as you kissed him slowly, sweetly. he smiled into the kiss, holding you as if you could disappear between his fingers.

it was a very romantic moment that unfortunately didn't last very long, because shortly after a bird landed on changmin's head causing him to scream, you to scream, and the bird to go number 2 on his head.

but oh well, everything about your relationship was so out of the blue anyways, right?

out of the blue | jcm

[chapter 19]

previous | masterlist | next

summary: when you find out that one of the students you coach is the niece of the guy you accidentally punched in the face and pushed into a pool, you're not surprised that he's, well, disappointed at the outcome. however, you're determined to make amends with him for the sake of his niece... and maybe for the sake of his cute face too.

taglist: @s0ngk4ng @wooyoung-a @skiez @kittkyu @stealanity @sofie296 @ccobbiee @deputyjuyeon @enhacolor @simplewonderland @jaerisdiction @arepabella @snuhee @loonathewurld @loki-in-hogwarts @hidejeon @jakesahi @nyujjan @suzy-rainbow @w8nuzone @yeletbz @seungcheoluwu

can't tag: @yannew @deobib

(reply to this post or send an ask/message if u wanna be part of the taglist! :>)

a/n: I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE i had to finish writing this piece but 🥲 last update on wednesday AAAA i hope you guys liked this chapter though, i didn't expect to go past 1k but i think i got carried away? 😃 it's not super edited too, so i'm really sorry if there are any mistakes!! please send me a message or tell me thru the ask box if there are hehe THANK UU <3

[extremelyblackandwhite]

innocence - 37

PAIRING: bodyguard!bucky barnes x innocent actress!reader

WARNINGS: angst 

A/N: aaaa we’re reaching the end in a few chapters and everything is starting to go downhill. hope you enjoy it xx

NEXT CHAPTER

Bucky barely knew Eliza. He knew she was Mr. Powell’s assistant and would mostly keep to herself, being as invisible as she could and only really speaking whenever someone spoke to her. Bucky had said hello to her once or twice, but nothing which he thought would led to her wanting to speak to him in private. It crossed her mind it could be regarding Mr. Powell but Bucky had been fired from being her bodyguard a long time ago and essentially did not pose a threat to him anymore. 

Eliza led him to a sheltered corner of the hall, looking around for anyone she deemed recognisable enough but there was no one. Media had been strictly forbidden to attend the trial and everyone else had pretty much left except for a small handful of people which were much further down, so they were pretty much alone. The young woman fished through her purse before taking off a small USB drive which she handed to him. Bucky furrowed her brows, not taking the USB from her.

     - Mr. Powell is set to testify against you for punching him on a Halloween party tomorrow. It’s a surprise witness but ... I feel bad letting him testify. He doesn’t have her best interest at heart and this USB proves it. 

     - What’s in it?

     - I ... don’t feel comfortable explaining what’s in it but it’s a video and if presented to the jury, it would make him an unreliable witness. - Bucky took the drive from her, putting it inside his jacket’s pocket. - You cannot tell Y/N, I gave you that ... or show it to her. I am really sorry I couldn’t stop it.

     - Stop what?

     - You’ll see. - she walked away leaving him to pounder on her words. Surely, it wasn’t anything bad, he told himself. 

He shook his head out of his worries, thinking about how much he just wanted to return to his wife. To hold her and tell her how much he loved her and try and make her forget what she had just seen. However, he wanted to see what was on that drive. He wanted to see it. He walked down the court hall and spotted one of the consultation rooms was open.

    - Hey Buck, we’re waiting for you. - he turned his head to see Steve walking towards him. - We got some pizzas. 

    - Close the door behind you. - Bucky told him as he walking into the consultation room, finding one of the computers was on. Steve merely did as he said, closing the door and turning on the light before taking a seat on one of the spinning chair. 

    - What are we doing? Are you okay? I know that video was rough. 

    - One of Y/N’s director’s assistants gave me a USB with a video. She asked me not to show Y/N. Sounded weird. 

He connected the drive to the computer. For all he knew, this could be some weird way to get his data if he connected it to his laptop besides with Y/N in the house it would be much harder to hide it from her, not that he exactly knew why he had to hide it from her. As the computer read the drive, a folder opened up with a video file titled with a date. Bucky cocked his head to the side, as he opened the video. It was an almost CCTV quality video of what looked like one the trailers at the trailer park where Y/N had been shooting her last movie. Both Y/N and the director were sat on the couch, a rather large distance between them. The sound quality was poor and muffled but he could hear his wife’s voice as he called the man by her side pathetic. Out of the sudden, Powell wrapped his hand around her neck and pinned her to the couch. He saw red. He could see it, he could see her squirming trying to get free from his hold. Bucky wanted to break through the screen, he wanted to help her, he wanted to stop him, he wanted to stop him but he couldn’t. 

    - Buck ... - Steve said in a warning tone, recognising the look on his face.

Bucky took the driver of the computer and shoved it back in his jacket before leaving the room in a fast pace. Steve tripped over his feet to follow him, watching as the super soldier closed his fist, the plates in his arm moving and whirring and his steps heavy enough they echoed in the hall. Steve ran up to him, standing in front of him and putting a hand on his chest to stop him. 

    - Get out of my way, Steve.

    - You need to calm down, Buck. 

    - Get away from me, Steve. 

    - You cannot get in trouble with anyone even somewhat related to Y/N. I know what you just saw is making you mad and we will deal with it once the time is right. You cannot do anything for your wife if you’re in jail. - Steve’s calm demeanor only made him angrier. - This is one less witness you’ll have to worry about. Y/N is fine but you’re under trial. 

    - Didn’t you fucking see what I saw? He attacked Y/N, he choked her, he could’ve killed her and no one fucking helped her. GET AWAY FROM ME, STEVE. 

Bucky twisted Steve’s hand away and continued his strut down the hall until he saw her. Steve continued to run behind him which warned Sharon who put herself in front of Y/N. Did she think he was going to hurt her? The mere thought of it slowed him down. 

    - How was it with Eliza? - Y/N walked from behind Sharon up to him, placing her hands on his shoulders. - Are you okay, Bucky? 

    - Yeah ... I’m just great, princess. - he swiped the hair away from her neck, his fingers grazing the skin there. He was supposed to protect her, he promised her nothing had happened. How could he’d let this happen? How could Eliza let this happen? Why did no one help her? He leaned his forehead against hers, his finger tracing the end of her jawline before he kissed her. - I love you so much, princess.

    - Are you sure everything is ok? - she held her hand against his face, moving her head slightly to the side wondering why Steve had just ran after him. 

    - Yeah, I’m just tired ... wanna go home. 

    - That’s fine, we can go home. I just need to pay Steve for the pizza.

    - It’s fine, Y/N. - Steve beckoned. - It’s been an harsh day. We’ll see you guys tomorrow. Call us if you need anything, okay?

    - Thank you, Steve. - she left Bucky for a brief second to hug Steve, Sam and Sharon. 

Bucky watched that with a sad look. She was so sweet, so kind and no one had done anything. That sadness quickly turned to anger. He was no longer angry at the trial, he was angry that the agency which was supposed to keep her best interests at heart had left her with a director who had treated her that way. She didn’t deserve that, nobody deserved that. Y/N waved everyone goodbye before going back to her husband, her hand immediately wrapping around his metal hand, the warmth of her skin almost giving him feel in that arm. She almost playfully swung their intertwined hands, leaning her head against his shoulder. He always felt safe to her, he always felt like home to her yet Bucky seemed lost in the middle of his mind, ever so often appearing to have no life behind his eyes. 

The drive was equally silent with his hand looming on her thigh throughout all of the way yet not in his playful or even lustful way, he kept his hand there as if someone was to snatch her at any moment. She doubted it, she was never really attention’s sweet centre, specially in her business. In all honesty, she was the one who should be possessive of him, not the other way around. Nevertheless, he held a possessive grip on her as if she wanted to escape yet it wasn’t jealousy. At least it didn’t appear as jealousy to her and she couldn’t read exactly what it was. The walk up to the flat was the same as the car and the exit from the court with him holding her hand and ensuring the climbed the stairs in front of him, keeping a firm eye on each and every movement. 

Once Bucky closed the door, the possessive and protective aura continued. She held her hands up to his face, cupping it and feeling the slight stubble against her palms before she leaned in to kiss him. It was soft, very soft, the sort of kisses he’d get in the morning from her whenever she had to leave early for interviews. So soft, so warm and filled with love. She was so kind and the world ... the would just ate way at her. 

    - Y/N ... - he broke the kiss, stepping back. - I need to go shower.

She stood there, perplex at his actions and almost frozen in the spot. She threw her bag onto the coach, forgetting about what she had discovered to go into the bathroom. She took her shoes off at the edge of the door stepping into the bathroom which was already filled with hot steam, the glass of the shower steamed with beads of water running down, yet she could see him. Y/N stripped off her dress and underwear, throwing it onto the laundry basket which laid just below the sink. She opened the door of the shower, seeing Bucky with his back turned to her, head looking down as the shower head dropped water like rain onto his hair. She wrapped her arms around his torso, leaning her head against his back. 

     - Tell me what’s wrong. - she peppered skins against his upper back and the scars which connected the metal to his skin. - Please, James. 

     - Nothing’s wrong. - he turned around to hold her, letting the warm water fall upon them both. 

     - Liar. - it sounded so innocent, sprinkled with that little naughty smirk of hers, still decorated in pink lipstick. - You’re my husband. I know you, Bucky Barnes. I know if something wasn’t wrong I would be pinned against the shower wall tiles but I am standing here. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.

     - I promised someone I wouldn’t tell you about something I’ve seen. 

     - Well, I won’t tell anyone. - her chest and hands were flushed against his, streams of water running down both their skins, leaving wet trails in their path. Bucky looked up, letting out a jailed sigh before looking back at her, his hand pushing her now wet hair away from her shoulders to look at her neck, fingers going slightly up and down the skin. - What are you doing?

     - I know what Powell did to you. - he mumbled, almost afraid someone else would hear it. A cold shiver ran down her body and she looked the other way, hand coming up to push her hair in front of her collarbones and cover her neck as if those bruises still laid there. - There’s a video. 

     - What?

     - Eliza gave me the video to use to stop Powell from testifying. It’s not the best quality but it is clear who’s on the tape.

     - Oh ... - she didn’t exactly know what to reply to that. 

Various things crossed her mind on that moment from if anyone had seen the video, if Powell himself had the video to why Eliza had the video. She wondered why Eliza would’ve given him the video, she wondered how the video had even gotten into her hands but most of it she wondered what he felt like. Her stomach churned and she felt guilty for not telling him. After all, a relationship is all about trust and here she was, having something she had hidden come up. It wasn’t she trusted Bucky, she  did, she loved him so much but for whatever reason, one she couldn’t pin point the reason why she did not tell him. Maybe she didn’t want to be a disappointment, maybe she didn’t want him to worry, she didn’t know. She tried to cup his face but Bucky avoided her touch, instead exiting the shower and leaving her there. Her bottom lip dropped as she held in a sharp breathe, turning the shower head pressure up so the noise muffled the few tears that rolled down her face. 

She must’ve been there for a long while as once she finally stepped off the shower her skin felt raw to the touch. She put on her bathrobe, swiping the fog of the mirror to see herself. Taking a few deep breathes in, she slide her palms along her jaw before looking to the marble of the bathroom sink. 

Bucky was sat on the couch, nursing a cold beer and staring at the TV but Y/N could tell he wasn’t paying any attention. He was in Buckyland as she called it, a place where he’d go, inside his mind, and no one but him was allowed in. Not even her. She went up behind him, resting her chin on the top of his head.

    - Talk to me, Bucky. - she kissed the top of his head. - Please, don’t shut me out. 

    - What do you want me to say, princess? - Bucky sighed, hand creeping up to hold hers. - I can’t do anything fucking right. 

    - What is this about? - she walked around the couch to sit on his lap, leaning her head against his shoulder and cuddling him. Bucky leaned his head on top of hers. - I’m so sorry, Bucky. I wanted to tell you, I really did but I didn’t want you to worry after that stupid mission. It was just ... insignificant.

    - I should’ve been there to protect you. 

    - You don’t always need to be there to protect me. As I said it is insignificant but ... it’s good for our case, right?

    - You are the most significant person in my life. You are my wife, you are all that matters, all the time. I don’t want any man touching you or even breathing on top of you if you don’t allow it much less that man. 

    - So ... we’re okay, right?  

    - I didn’t want you to see what they showed in court. I am already a disappointment for the world, I don’t want to be a disappointment to you and after seeing that ...  thing ... I just ... - Bucky seemed to return back to Buckyland for a while. - I don’t have anything to offer you. I don’t know if I can have kids, I don’t know if I can give you more  than a crappy flat in Brooklyn but I knew one thing, I thought I could protect you. I’m a super soldier, for heaven’s sake.  

    - Being a super soldier does not give you the ability to be in two places at the same time. - she caressed his chin. - You do know I love you, not what you can offer me. I like you, I like being your wife and I like you being my husband. 

    - So that’s what you want? Mr. and Mrs. Barnes?

    - You say that as if it is a bad thing. I am not married to the Winter Soldier, I am not married to Sergeant Barnes and I am not married to my bodyguard. I am married to James Buchanan Barnes. I am married to you. I am not expecting anything from you other than waking up and falling asleep with you every single day. You’re the love of my life because you are you not because you protect me. 

    - I should be the one comforting you, princess. - he held her close to him as if someone was to take her away at any point. - God, that just happened to you and I’m here ... whining. 

    - Just happened? It was weeks ago, Bucky. Besides if I give it the attention it  needs, it’ll become a much bigger thing than it needs to be.  

    - It is a big thing, Y/N.

    - I’m an actress, Bucky. It happens ... more than it should but it’s ... fine. Who’d take my word on it even? They won’t even believe me when I tell them my own husband is not harassing me. Imagine them believing a whole industry is. 

    -  You need a better agent. 

    - Are you offering, Barnes? - she teased, giggling against his chest.

    - I’ve been a soldier, a brainwashed assassin, avenger, bodyguard ... I guess I could give it a shot. -  he kissed her forehead. - Are you alright, princess? 

    - Don’t worry. - she looked up to kiss him. - I’ll be fine, Bucky. However, you, Mister, cannot and will not do anything about it while you’re on trial and even when you’re not on trial.

    - I promise you that I will do everything I can to make you happy and safe. I can only do that if I’m out of prison so I promise not to go Winter Soldier on Powell. - he kissed her cheek and then her nose, cuddling her closer to him, no matter how closer she already was. - I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want you to wake up one day and realise you’re ashamed of me. 

His eyes softened, brows furrowed creating that little crease just in the middle  of his eyebrows and his nose seemed to twitch as if he was telling himself constantly not to cry or look any weaker than he already felt. She leaned her hand against his cheek, finger softly brushing his skin. It was warm, she was always so warm.

    - You need to stop thinking those things about yourself. You can’t change what they made you do, you can’t get that past back but you can live the rest of your life just like you want it. 

    - It’s not that simple.

    - It is, Bucky. And if anyone tries to hurt you, I’ll hurt them back.

    - You will hurt them back?

    - Yes. Sharon taught me how to punch and she said I have a very good aim. I almost managed to punch her. 

    - Why did you ask Sharon to teach you how to punch and not me?

    - Would you have taught me to punch? 

    - No. You don’t need to know how to punch, you could get hurt, someone could hurt you or worse you could break your hand. I’ll do the punching for you.

    - I’ll still do some punching.

    - Alright, princess.

The trial was a circus and not only was the whole ordeal a whole unnecessary mess but the press was having a field day covering both of them. Sam had even offered for the two of them to stay with him, Sarah and his nephews until the dust settled down but the last thing any of the two wanted was to destroy their peaceful life by having paparazzi all over their lawn. Instead, the two of them would only come out of the flat for court dates. While Powell had mostly cowered away once their lawyer threatned to expose the video if he didn’t back down as a witness, Hawthorne hadn’t been very happy with it. He’d mostly sent a very heavy worded e-mail to Y/N but she was much too busy trying to find any cohesive way to prove it was him. She knew he did it, she just couldn’t prove it. All she had was photos from the written mirror in her flat and his signature yet no one would take that in. They would just say it was similar handwriting or that she was imagining things to protect her “abuser” husband. Bucky, Sam, Steve and Sharon were all in the dark about it as she had chosen not to tell any of them what was happening. It was just a theory, just a silly theory and if it wasn’t true, she knew Hawthorne would go after all of them and she didn’t want anyone to get hurt. She was already the reason Bucky was in court, being called things that no victim and no person should be called. She was the reason the prosecution was revisiting his choice less past and pinning it on him as a reason to not have a regular life. If she didn’t know better, they  were upset about his pardon. 

Things seemed to progress fast with court days going on and on until they woke up in the morning of the last one. She knew he was nervous, she’d heard him in the phone with Steve and Sam before yet he put on this strong facade as if things would be ok but she herself had started to doubt it. The jury was biased, that much she knew and after all, the decision was theirs. The court room was silent as the prosecution finished their closing statement but she could read the environment. Everyone’s eyes bore at her husband as if he was a criminal and those who spoke didn’t speak in kind words. 

   - Does the defence have any closing statements? - the jury asked their lawyer who stood up and faced him. 

   - No, your honour but the defendant would like to address the jury.

   - I’ll allow it. - the jury beckoned and Bucky got up to face the jury. She wanted so much to jump from that bench and hold his hand but all she could do was remain there, watching him and giving him an encouraging smile whenever he looked her way.

   - Listen, uhm ... - Bucky scratched his neck, searching for the right words to say. - I know you don’t like me, trust me I don’t like myself either but I love my wife. I would never, ever hurt her and if she hadn’t wanted me then I would’ve been fine with that because ... look at her she’s the most intelligent, kind and warm woman I’ve ever met and I know she deserves better than me. I tried telling her a million times that she deserves the perfect movie man who has a stable job and isn’t over a hundred but for whatever reason she still decided to marry me and I am gonna spend the rest of my life trying to even be half the man she deserves. I would never hurt her even if someone forced me too. 

He sat down again and Y/N shimmied to the front of her bench to hold his hand through the wood bars that separated her from him. The judge excused everyone while the jury went to make their decision. Y/N excused herself to go speak to the lawyer while Sam and Steve kept Bucky occupied. 

   - You know, you do look a lot like your father. - he said as she approached him. - Never thought about going into the family business?

   - And deal with my siblings every day? I wouldn’t wish it. 

   - Is there anything you need?

   - I have a question to ask you but you can’t tell Bucky I asked you about it. 

   - I always have confidentiality with any of my clients so I wouldn’t tell him anything you’d ask me. What is it?

   - Do you think we’re gonna win? - she picked at the hem of her dress, stress filling her veins.

   - I don’t know. The jury is biased and without any evidence they’ll make their decision based on their opinions. We can always contest it but right now I think you’d do best spending some time with your husband now.

Everything needed to slow down as she walked away from the lawyer and she could hear her heels echoing on the wooden floors.  She saw Bucky laugh at something Sam had said yet she couldn’t hear him laugh, she could only see and as she saw it, she looked at the ring around her finger, the same ring he had on his finger too before turning her head harshly to where Hawthorne was standing. Suddenly sound came back and her steps quickened as she approached the head of her agency. 

   - We need to talk. - she said interrupting his conversation with Miss Olson. 

   - What about? - he spoke in his collected tone which only further angered her. 

    - Alone.

She followed him into one of the reunion rooms, hands fumbling with her phone just before closing the door behind her. She realised she didn’t really know what to say, she hadn’t prepared herself for it and she certainly wasn’t a natural. All she knew was to try, try and right now she was gonna try, she was gonna try for Bucky. 

   - I know you did it. - she tried speaking with an unwavering voice but it came out almost like a wave.

   - Excuse me? - he leaned against the wall, mocking her. - Did what?

   - Bucky couldn’t have done it, that night in my flat. He was in Brooklyn and then he was stuck in traffic that morning, there’s footage of it. He could’ve never gone to my flat when he dropped me off at 4 AM and then be stuck in traffic. I know it’s your handwriting, it’s like the one on the contract. Besides, no one knew my flat address other than Bucky and Miss Olson and not even Bucky or Miss Olson knew my family address. You did it. You know you did it. 

    - You’re clearly mental unstable but it’s okay because me and Miss Olson will get you the help we need after we get the marriage annulled. 

   - Stop. - she said. - You know no one else will believe me so at least tell me truth. Tell me how you screw up my husband’s life. 

    - Don’t be dramatic, Y/N. It wasn’t to mess up your husband’s life. Do you know how much money we invested on you? For you to destroy your image by going out with an American traitor? You think you could’ve gotten this role without me? You think you could be anything out of your little shows without me? You’re a good actress but take a look at yourself, you’re hardly what men want. You wanna break it into the business? Be hot or have connections and it turns out you can’t do both. That audition you did in London you tried to hide? Who did you think they called to give the news? Oh and if you’re wondering, it was a no. 

   - Did you do it? - she tried to maintain her cool but she knew she looked meek and she looked pathetic.

   - I thought with your Nancy Drew speech you knew the answer.

   - Did you or did you not? 

   - I did but who’s gonna believe you?

   - I don’t know. -  she opened the door, holding the knob in her hand as she pressed play on her phone, his voice saying he did it playing and echoing in the empty room. - They won’t believe me but they will believe you. 

   - Don’t toy with me, Y/N. I’ll make sure you never get a single job here or anywhere else. I’ll bring you down.

   - Maybe but if I’m going down, you are going down with me.

taglist: @disasterbi​​ @lookiamtrying​​ @buckysteveloki-me​​​ @americasass81​​​ @jamesbarnesappreciationclub​​​ @lostinthebeans​​​ @mariahthelioness29​​​ @oh-nohoney​​​ @peaches-roses-sins​​​ @theadorasabditory​​​ @sipsteacasually​​​ @saiyanprincessswanie​​​ @booktease21​​​ @noiralei​​​ @learisa​​​ @everythingisoverratedbutgreat​​​ @uglipotata72829​​​ @naturalthrone22​​​ @husherstan​​​ @mandiiblanche​​​ @vicmc624​​​ @newyorkgoddess​​​ @itsallyscorner​​​ @chipilerendi​​​ @emzd34 @writerwrites​​​ @bluevxnus​​​ @that-girl-named-alex​​​ @captnrogers​​​ @nsfwsebbie​​​ @sarge-barnes-sir​​​ @niki-is-a-thing​​​ @cynic-spirit​​​ @tenaciousperfectionunknown​​​

[bagelbright-tok]

Take Me to Funkytown!

____   

Yellow Temperance proves to be a great enemy to Jotaro. Without much of an aid there to assist the teen, he hasn’t much of a choice but to fight for his life. After trying to burn and freeze temperance off of his finger, hope is lost. At least, until an odd individual dances their way into the fight. Ally or enemy? Temperance and Jotaro are unsure.

Jotaro x fem!Reader [Platonic One-shot]

Italics = the music

Word Count: 1,564 Warning(s): Violence, swearing, negligence, bit of social isolation, intense grooving, swearing again, gross horny man tries hitting on reader, I did not re-read __ Blame It on the Boogie! __

You were mostly just touring Singapore for your own personal reasons. You had nothing else to do and you got bored quickly. So, you packed your bags and left for Singapore. You had the essentials; clothes, personal hygiene products, and your Walkman cassette player and headphones. The flights over were smooth as could be. Not like you noticed much anyhow. Most of the time, you had your headphones on, listening to the several cassettes you also had brought in your bag. Since you’d left, you’d made 0 social interactions with other humans. That didn’t bother you in the least. You didn’t necessarily care much for making friends along the way. In fact, you dreaded when people would talk to you. They were annoying, quite frankly. So you would drown out the voices with your music. The only problem was that you would get sick of listening to the same songs over and over again. The perks of traveling were being able to try out new music from places around the world.

Your thoughts were mostly blank while you peered out of the train window at the city you were approaching. “Hey pretty lady~!”

A man’s voice quickly pierced the air around you. But you couldn’t hear him over your loud music. He noticed that quickly and took this as a sign to sit right next to you. “What’s a girl like you sitting all by yourself?”

You scooted away from him once you noticed he had sat next to you. Your smiling expression quickly turned into a frustrated one. You couldn’t hear the man, but his presence alone made you uncomfortable. You became infuriated when you felt his hand remove your headphones. “C’mon girl, don’t-”

You didn’t let him finish as you summoned your Stand, and sent it lunging at the man. Your Stand, Ace’s Wand, representing the tarot card Ace of Wands, was a Stand with the form that could vary depending on your mood and the sounds in the air. With you angry without music, your Stand took on a horrifying form that you could barely comprehend. The noises it made as well were scary. All you could see was the body of the annoying man getting flung like a ragdoll. His body was crumpled like a piece of paper on the other end of the train.

You scoffed, grabbed your headphones, and returned to your position. Your music continued and your site seeing went on. Everyone was scared and confused as they surrounded the man in concern. “Won’t you take me to Funkytown?” You bobbed your head to the beat while everyone whispered in a hushed and terrified tone.

***

The train ride turned into a cableway ride. You sat in a cable car with a man, his kid, and their dog. The kid happily snacked on his popsicle as he enjoyed the view from the car. You were doing the same, except you were listening to your music instead of snacking on a popsicle. Looking out the window, you noticed a guy on a cylindrical shaped building that was tall enough to reach the height of the cable car. It was an odd sight for sure, you even gave him a confused squint. You noticed his sights landing on your cable car. You blinked a couple of times. Your eyes quickly widened when you saw him back up, then charge forth towards your car.

“Oh shit!” You whispered loudly. The teen landed on the car and clutched to the side you had been viewing from. You noticed a purple figure emerge from him and rip the door off the car. Things only got weirder. The man peered at you, then turned his attention to the kid with the popsicle. 

“Hey kid, I am gonna need to use this.” The kid began to cry until the teen spoke again, “Alright, I’ll buy you a new popsicle when we reach the ground.”

The kid nodded, and the tall teen rose back to his height. Your headphones had been knocked off during the impact of the teen crashing into the car. You hardly noticed, even hearing the teen talk and hearing yourself talk. “Whoa! What an entrance! What the hell are you doing?” You blurted out.

“Is this your kid, lady?” The black haired teen asked.

“What? Hell no.”

“Then shut up and enjoy the view.”

Your brows furrowed at that statement. It was of annoyance, but then it turned into confusion when you noticed the yellow blob on the teen’s hand. Just what was going on? You could only ask this as the teen pressed the cold treat onto the yellow substance, wincing in pain in the process as the gross yellow jello spiked and stabbed into his hand. Things only escalated when another presence began to enter the cable car through the door that the teen had rudely ripped off. The presence was similar to the substance on the teenager’s hand, except larger and with another person inside.

“Can’t you get it through your thick skull?” The deep male voice spoke in a taunting manner that sent shivers down your own spine. “My Stand, Yellow Temperance, is indestructible! No matter how much power you may have, you cannot beat my Stand!”

Well shit. It means you’ve found yourself in a Stand battle. You found yourself even more infuriated than before on the train. The black haired teen referred to as Jotaro had ripped a pole from the car and tried to swing it at Yellow Temperance. It wasn't just Jotaro, though. It was his Stand, a large purple humanoid entity that was clearly fast and strong. Angered, you put on your headphones and stood up. It was as the Stand projected itself onto Jotaro and the cable car that things got weird.

Jotaro and the user of Yellow Temperance were now looking at you. Your expression was scrunched up and you could feel the heat rising. With the beat of your music, you had better control of your Stand. "Don't blame it on the sunshine!"

You moved with the rhythm and summoned your Stand without further comment. "Don't blame it on the moonlight."

"Holy shit!" Temperance's user yelled in horror as his eyes laid on your Stand. You could barely make that out with your music as loud as it is.

"What the hell!" Jotaro also exclaimed, but not as loud. Based on Temperance's reaction, it clued him in on the fact that you are clearly not with him. A relief, but also, you aren't with the Joestars.

"Don't blame it on the good times." Just as Temperance was about to latch onto you, you sent out your Stand first. "Blame it on the-!" "BOOGIE!" Your Stand screeched as it went up against the yellow Stand.

The enemy user only screamed as he witnessed your Stand vigorously and aggressively stabbing and digging through his sludge. Even while your Stand could make contact with his, it couldn't be said that the situation could be switched around. Your Stand's form was horrifying in itself, but the idea that his Stand with no weaknesses couldn't touch your Stand was just as terrifying. 

Jotaro realized the opportunity he had now. The enemy had even panicked and removed his Stand from Jotaro. He wasn't even paying attention to Jotaro anymore. You knew why. The fear was overwhelming. You are the greater threat at the moment to him. You bore your eyes into Jotaro, telling him to make his move if he wants it. Your Stand was slowly making its way closer and closer to the user with its claws. Just as your Stand was about to make it to the enemy, with him sobbing, Jotaro used his Stand's fist to punch the user and knock him unconscious. Your Ace's Wand stopped mere inches away from The Temperance card holder. Your Stand emitted a sickly wheeze of laughter before being de-manifested. You were still grooving to the song, though.

"This magic music grooves me! That dirty rhythm moves me! The devil's gotten to me through this dance!"

Jotaro was unsure of how to communicate with you. That uncertainty was cleared up, though, when you yourself removed your ear buds and spoke.

"Hey! Jotaro right?" You chuckled, pointing at him. Jotaro nodded, knowing you had caught his name in the fight. "That was pretty cool. We should do that again sometime."

"What?" Is all Jotaro could murmur in confusion as response to your suggestion.

"I'm [Y/N] [L/N]." Your pointing finger turned into an open palm hand to shake Jotaro's. "I'm a Stand user, too. Not like.." You looked down at the unconscious and shirtless man at your feet. "...him, though. I'm cool, like you."

Jotaro hated women who fawned over him. Most of the female students who crowded him referred to him as "cool," as well. Hearing you say it, though, was different. It wasn't of lust or love like those ladies at school. It was of genuine friendship and curiosity.

"That's.. Great." Jotaro said, extending his hand out and shaking yours. "Hey, I have a question…"

"Go ahead and shoot!" You shook his hand and returned yours to your side.

"Could you join us on our mission to Egypt?" Jotaro is well versed in being blunt and very straightforward. Not that you would know that.

You paused and processed what he had said. " "Our...?" Mission..? Egypt!?"

___

E N D.

A/N: AAAA! This has been sitting in my docs for sooo long! I had no idea where to take it and how to end it. Finally figured it out though! Apologies if it seems rushed or half-assed. This one is very similar to the In With A Bang one-shot. Introducing a character in that fashion. Also, In With A Bang has reached over 100 notes!! That's fuckin bonkers! Please go give it a read if you haven't! I promise it's better than this one, lol!

[exclipssesss]

Ok so I love all of the Sanders Sides characters equally but that doesn't stop me from being overly protective with the Dark sides Namely Remus And it doesn't help when people make him even more adorable and baby! Anyway there's a version of Remus that's touch starved and I jUST WANT TO HUG HIM- So can I have a X reader (Platonic or romantic either is fine were Remus accidentally reveals he's touch starved and reader just grabs a blanket and cuddles him until he falls asleep??? PLEASE??thx!

I love this???? I don't even know about this hc wtf?? AAAA I LOVE THIS HC SO MUCH- and duh, who doesn't love Remus lmao.

~~~

Here For You.

Remus x Reader

;;Type: Angst(?), Fluff

;;Character(s) involved: The trash man himself.

;;

;;Warning(s): sad Remus :(, /bad/ words.

It's been a while since you and Thomas were friends, and seeing the sides was nothing more than an ordinary tuesday night. Well, that is until you met the rest of the 'dark' sides. And honestly? You never were to judge them so quickly. Even Virgil himself refers to them as the 'others', despite being the one who dislikes them the most, but there has to be a reason, right?

Anyways, you were trying to comfort all the sides after whatever just happened. With Janus suddenly getting accepted and Roman having a breakdown, not to mention Patton starting to doubt himself and Logan who's beginning to think he's replaced and/or unwanted, the mind palace is a mess.

But there is a certain side you haven't seen a lot today- which is kinda weird considering he's the loudest of them all, and it kinda worried you. With how the world turned upside down, the last thing you wanted was to see him suddenly turned gloomy-; so you looked for him, top or bottom, in and out. You made sure every place is checked. The mind palace- heck, Thomas' place in general is quiet. No bickering, no yelling, no songs, it's empty; almost unrecognizable. And with that you took a step further, going into his room.

Remus' room was awfully dark, not like what it's used to. He would always have weird creations or flashy super-gosh-darn-bright lights on to annoy whoever came into his room. So this is unusual. Without thinking, you turned on the lights, and in the corner of your eye you can see him at the edge of his bed, startled. He doesn't even seem to notice you're getting into his room, which is again; unusual.

He immediately fixed his posture when he realized you're in his room, grabbing the nearest notebook and a big spiky slimy pen, acting as if he was working on something the whole time. "Hello, (y/n)!" He said cheerily, summoning his normal gigantic creepy-esque smile he normally has. "Sneaking up on me in the dark eh? That's awfully dangerous of you~" He gave another smile, the type where you would roll your eyes on him. You brushed off whatever he just said, walking towards him in confusion.

"I haven't been seeing you anywhere, were you here the whole time?" You asked, raising a brow. He furrowed his own brows at the question, before shrugging both of his shoulders. "Why of course, why wouldn't i be?" He shot back, looking at you with another one of his quizzical looks. "I don't know, you were always the loudest of the bunch, so i assumed something's wrong when you didn't even make a peep."

He tensed, blinking a few times as if thinking of what he was supposed to say. When he looked back at you, it's almost he's choking out words just to make it seem real, funnily enough you see through his facade. "Awww did you miss me?" "That's it? No comebacks? Or rhetorical questions? This isn't like you Remus." You folded your arms, daring him to continue. He gulped a little, before somehow his emotions just.. Fell off. And he goes back to his notebook.

"I was writing down ideas for me to use, which just like Roman or how Creativity works in general, will need time and energy. So there's my reason, are you happy?" He said in a monotone voice. Avoiding your gaze and kept his stare to the stacks of papers in his hand, you didn't seem to believe him though.

"Who in the world writes ideas down in complete darkness?" You pushed again. Remus looked at you and gave an unamused look, raising an eyebrow of his towards both you and your question. "You do realize who you're talking to right?" He answered, or well, asked. "Yeah, but this isn't... You." words came out of your mouth like lava as you tried forcing it out. Remus thankfully noticed this, he puts down his little book and moved towards you, sighing as he finally gives you his full attention.

"Really? Tell me, (y/n), what am i like?"

"I don't know... You were always loud, all over the place, dare i say cheerful. Seeing you like this just doesn't spell 'Remus' to me."

He gave a little sigh again, before chuckling. But then that chuckle turns to giggles, that turns into laughs. You don't know exactly what he's laughing about, so you tried asking him about it.

"What's so funny?"

"Everything! Absolutely everything is hilarious!" He breathed out in between his howling laughs, you were too afraid to ask further, afraid that.. That you pushed an unwanted button. "Oh gosh! I can't believe this!" His laughter ceased after some time, leaving you still stoned on your spot.

"You're so nice (y/n), too fucking nice actually." His hair is messy, way more than usual. He wipes a 'tear' away with his hand, breathing steadily as to not break into another laughing fit. "You're like, the only person who actually cares about me now!" He chuckled again, this time with a headshake to accompany it.

"Wha-? No! Of course not, Janus cares about you, don't he?"

"Oh, yeah, sure, whatever. I mean, he's 'accepted' by Thomas now, so i can't really expect anything from him." He shrugged oh so calmly as if thoughts like that doesn't even remotely hurt him anymore, but it hurted you. "What? So you're not even gonna admit that you're lonely? Or even bored?" You pressed him - although with a gentle voice, somehow feeling your own heart shatter at the thought of him being left alone. Not enough to make you cringe or summon a tear. But enough to make you clenched your heart if only he isn't with you.

"What? You're kidding me?" He snickered, looking at you almost amused by your answer. "Me? Lonely? Bored? Pfft-- Look, me wanting attention? HAH, that's normal! Me being desperately touch starved? Eh, i can work with it. But me being lonely-? And bored?! I can easily wreck Roman's day and that's enough for me to have a good laugh for about a week, not including the teasing and-"

"Wait a minute, you're touch starved..?" You asked slowly, looking at him. He was lost for a second before the flustered look finds itself on his face after a few flying moment. "W-what?! No! What are you talking about? Where did you even heard that? Of course not you silly billy!" he waved his hand at you, defensively, and looks away in an attempt to quietly curse himself.

You sighed. Feeling as if you were gonna giggle at his own dumbfounded reaction but in the same time just wanna cuddle and wrap yourself around him, which is kinda weird since you and Remus isn't /that/ close. Sure you guys laugh over immature things, and maybe mess around with Roman a little, but he isn't your go-to when something were to came up. But now? You just felt as if you were to comfort him...

Screw it.

And with that, you immediately made it your priority for Remus to feel appreciated, or well- wanted. You sprung up from your position and immediately grab the blanket he has which is trashed on the floor. Before using it however, you shook the blanket up and down to get rid of the dusts on it, and immediately pushed Remus down on his bed. You did the same thing to yourself and layed down beside him, covering both of you with the blanket and cuddling close to him.

Though Remus only watched, he watched you with an amused gaze. Small smiles turning to a giant grin as you making yourself close to him, and slowly after that he spoke up with his usually high pitched voice, didn't bother to move away from you. "Not what i expected, but great nonetheless!" His hand wrapped around your body dangerously and you can only give him a warning glare, he acted out as though he wasn't doing it intentionally but come on, hand perfectly landed on your ass? Yeah, no.

You moved his arm up, landing it on your waist. And even though he gave you a little whine, he slowly shuts up when you just kept him close, giving him a dose of affection to cure him from being touch starved. He didn't even say anything after that, not sure from the sleepiness or if he just doesn't want to ruin the moment, but the silence was definitely comforting. Your hand reached his messy hair, running through his locks to calm him even more, which in a way kinda worked. And in a count of minutes, he dozed off, small snores coming through him. You can feel yourself dozing off too, smiling at the sight of him being so relaxed in your touch. That's it until you discover something under your pillow.

Two deodorants tucked neatly under it, brand new and untouched. You knew he loves eating these stuff, as gross as that is, and yet you can only giggle at the thought of him having 'snacks' right under his pillows.

Well, he's definitely a dork.

And the good kind.

[kanene-yaaay-o-retorno]

The Colors of my Soul(mates) [1]

[Second oneshot]

[AO3 link]

Kanene’s Notes:

Nope, I do not regret the pun. Okay, okay! I’ve plaining this AU for almost an year so I’m pretty excited to post it!! dfghjsdfrtyucfvgbhjv yaaaay!! Thank you very very much @olliedollie1204 for such a positive feedback and awesome ideas. it helped me a lot!! 

Warnings, fun facts, random things and stuff:

* That fanfic has Virgil, Logan, Patton and Roman (only a brief mention of Remy) in a platonic relationship (yet), but it can be viewed as romantic, if you wish. 

* Warnings: A bit of swearing and depreciative thoughts. It’s mostly fluff and hurt/comfort, tho.

* This characters do not belongs to me. They all belongs to the amazing Thomas Sanders in his series of Sanders Sides.

* Something around 4.500 words. -w-)b.

* Sorry for any spelling, pontuation and grammar mistakes! Any advice is very very welcome!

* Tô com preguiça de postar a versão em português brasileiro aaaa! Thankys for reading, my lollipops! Say to someone important how much you love them, be safe, talk with the one that you love, drink water and sleep well! Byeioo!~

                           [~*~]

What can do a creature if not, between creatures, love?  - Carlos Drummond de Andrade

  - What the fu-

 Virgil only discovered he had more than one Soulmate when he was twenty years old, more specifically the exact moment he took a wrong turn and kept going even knowing he was in the wrong way because one hour it would lead him to somewhere Virgil would recognize before his mortal being inevitably starved to death in the middle of nowhere and his eyes got dragged from the visions from thousands of futures created by his mind to a Teddy Bear Store - they seemed to replicate worse than bacteria during Valentine’s Day - and two bears from the crimson shelter suddenly dyed themselves in two milliseconds as he slightly glanced at them.

 Two of them. Virgil felt his entire face burn in hot shades of embarrassment with drops of disbelief, almost as if all the people running, stumbling, locked in their own worlds and swearing while walked in the sideway because ‘some stupid teenager decided to just stop and block their way’ could, by only looking at him, stare deep into his soul and realize the one staring astonished the store already carried in his fate another one more Soulmate at home.

One completely different in shape and form, even if also blue, however in a light, sky blue completely opposite shade from the new navy one staring him down - Virgil knew plentily their link wasn’t bonded yet, albeit he was equally sure that the person behind those black glooming teddy bear’s eyes were already judging him, - wondering why, between all the people, he was their soulmate. The other red one was very much likely crackling in his face when an employee came and pointedly turn the adult’s attention to the sign in big, graphed words clued in front of their store:

 “You dye, you buy.”

 Virgil signed, pushing his hoodie down further, wondering how much time it would take of him hitting his head on the wall to finally pass out. This option sounded much more attractive when he realized that this new ‘discovery’ about himself would cost all his month’s saves.

 He asked, to the Universe, the stars, the Earth and whoever was seeing him in that exact moment: why?

 Was it a kind of prank? A punishment from fate when, years and tears ago, Virgil lifted his chin up and dared the Universe to give him more soulmates as he locked all his uncolored – although never really free of some weak drops of paint from what one day they came to be – simply stuffed animals, - and nothing more, anymore, - away and promised he would never, ever allow himself to go all through this shit again?

 But… That had been… years ago. Almost a decade since that soft voice he got to know so well, the impulsive acts, long conversations and warm feelings.

 But…

 Time has passed, that is true. Nevertheless, deep down has he really changed?

 Virgil stared at the bag carried so close to his chest since his bare hands were sweating and shaking way too much for this task. Yes, he knew his Soulmates won’t feel anything until both of them decided to ‘give the First Step’, accepting to link their souls and fates, for the longest as it lasts. However, he didn’t want to risk it, because what if they felt? What if he in some way broke the Soulmate System when got two at the same time and now everything was messed up and they could already feel his touches even through the bag and the first impression Virgil would gave to them was ‘That anxious, weird boy and his creepy, sweaty hands’ and-

 A girl almost hit him as she passed running at his side, making his arms protectively hug further the teddy bears closer to him, arms protectively involving them, the soft touch somehow calming his tumulted thoughts. The lost man took a deep breath.

 Clear your mind. Rational thoughts. Focus on the two sides of the coin. Three people wouldn’t be able to break a millennial, unknown system, don’t matter how good he was in screwin… No, a voice that sounded suspiciously a lot like his psychologist calmly pointed, not like that. Virgil huffed, trying again. He was a magnet of problems and bad…Okay, also wrong. Neutral thoughts, focus on neutral thoughts. Come on. Come on.

 It was okay.

 They wouldn’t feel him until they gave the first step. Right, that… sounded like a start. He didn’t do anything. Now, what Virgil needed to do was go to his house, clean his bed in order to find a good place where he could put and ignore them and then he would get his headphones, listen his playlists and wonder where the fuck his life was going.

 It was okay. Everything would stay okay as long as he didn’t give the First Step.

 Virgil unconsciously hugged tighter the teddy bears, his fingers finding way and drowning themselves in the soft, cozy fur, combing them in light, soothing touches as he continued his way.

 Okay. Everything was okay.

 [~*~]

 Plurinfanto, or Multiple Souls, it’s the nomination used for the cases when a person has diverse soulmates at the same time and in a same period.

 The first known case was with Pharaoh Cleopatra when multiples of her woolen fabric started to dye themselves in various colors and shades. In Ancient Roman, it was believed that the occurrences were blessings from Venus in a sign of prosperity and abundance. Grand, longstanding parties were executed through days nonstop in order to get together those intertwined souls. When the connection broke and the colors disappeared, it meant that days of pain and foreboding were waiting forward.

 It is not known for certain the exact moment when the meaning changed, albeit researchers believe it was around the fall of the Roman Empire, when all the invasions resulted in a cultural reconstruction which led to the loss from much of their costumes.

  CLICK HERE TO DISCOVER HOW TO HAVE THE SOULMATE OF YOUR DREAMS!!!!  

 [~*~]

 The computer made a soft ‘click’ as Virgil closed it and sat on his bed, adjusting slightly his position to stare the three vivid, brilliant stuffed beings contrasting to the general dark theme of his room.

 Virgil growled, resting his back on the cold wall, the shivers calming his flowing thoughts about all the variants this whole thing had. No to mention that people change with time, leading to the souls who they “relate” to change as well, meaning that you can have someone in your life for years and then, one month, or weeks or the next day, you can wake up only to discover you and the said person don’t “match” anymore.

 And NO ONE talked about this just because it was a freak tabu to doesn’t have ‘an only one soulmate who will be with you until the end of your existence’. Oh, for fuck sake. Virgil ran his hand through his hair, wincing when he accidently pulled some tangled strands. That sounds like a line of commercial, does anyone believe that bullshit for real?

 “Hello dear, newer fellow!!” The popping thought broke his line of reasoning, jumping excitedly in his mind and automatically pulling him out of his wanders. It has a strong and full of… about everything, tune demanding attention. Virgil felt a warm kiss on his forehead, meaning one soulmate – a deep part of him turned his attention to the red colored teddy bear, - had given the First Step. The one who in some moment changed his position so now he was sitting on the floor felt his face get hot again, heart thumping strongly in his chest as his arm moved, fingers stopping inches away from the fur, questioning if he was ready to retribute the gesture.

  [~*~]

 Many history icons have reports of being Pluriers, as shown in the book ‘The Romance in the History of Those Who Wrote It’, by historian Henry Senyura. The subject is also beginning to gain more visibility after the protest from the teacher Joan A. in 2010, who got touched towards the situation of some of her pupils being forced to choose only one among their Soulmates for the six-month annual exchange, by the end of that period most of them lost or weakened their bonding due lack of communication, small changes of personality and continuous absence. She held a protest at the front of the school, stating that no one had the right to interfere in ‘matters of the heart’.

 A lot of fiction works are beginning to address the topic more frequently, as in I’m Not One, a movie directed by Devon Stan; The Seven Colors of Rainbow, a book written by Lílian Lee and the psychological analysis Life’s Watch, recently found between drafts by the famous writer Robin Green, published after their husband’s authorization, Josué Green.

 [~*~]

 Logan hummed. As it seems, this was a relatively common thing, since the concept of Soul Mates surpassed the barriers of unity and time, being ‘souls who in a way or other intertwined themselves in some part of their life. Sometimes it didn’t necessarily mean a romantic relationship, as the majority of society and media pointed, but it also didn’t hold any assurance that all of them were platonic.

 He massaged the bridge of his nose. Remy wasn’t in the dorm so everything was silent enough for him to hear his own thoughts.

  It has been a remarkable amount of years since he got his last soulmates, - except for Remy, however they both considered this occurrence as a separate incident - well, until, of course, this day. At least it was a good thing he always carried in his bag extra easy manageable stuffed animals or else maybe the System would dye one of clothes, what would be less than ideal for him in the middle of his philosophy debate. But things got even more interesting when, after his classes, as he arrived at the small, pleasantly well-organized store next to his university, one more stuffed animal colored itself right before him.

 He didn’t exactly understand why. Logan considered himself an owner of a… quite strong, strict personality, this added with his difficulty in managing his and one another emotions usually tended to bring some complex tribulations in his rela-

 Anyway, that is beside the important matter. The one laying his chin on his crossed fingers undid his pose for a bite of time in order to adjust his glasses, barely fixating his gaze on the two plushies in the desk before him, his third – Pat - resting a few centimeters away, closer to Logan’s fingers, who were barely touching. Mind running. Asking, reflecting, wondering what was the exact amount of time to be acceptable to give his First Step?

 ‘The First Step’.

 Logan never really understood from where and how that expression emerged. It didn’t come from the words’ etymology nor some semantic detour. His most concrete hypothesis consisted of the phrase being derived from old romances.

 “Did you know it used to be called the ‘First Kiss’?! But that confused a lot of people who really believed that, to be able to talk and interact with their soulmates they would have to kiss each other, like the Sleeping Beauty! I always got confused in this movie when I was a child, by the way! That ended up messing with a bunch of relationships before they even started, since a lot of peeps don’t feel comfortable enough with strangers kissing them. However, they also speeded up a bunch of them as well…” Logan blinked, his attention escaping from his previous thoughts to the light sky blue plushie of Baby Yoda, for a moment surprised with the sudden input. He felt fingers carefully holding his arms and a bit of ghost movements as Pat probably moved his representation to somewhere else, a hug and warmth engulfing the one yet absolving the new information moments later.

 “That was… enlightening.” His voice danced across the room. Even though he was completely aware they could chat telepathically, the childish act of saying the words out loud still comforted him, in a way. “Thank you for your contribution.”

 He took a deep breath and closed the tab of research on his cellphone, internally thanking from the escaping of his turmoil of thoughts, his free hand carefully combing the Baby Yoda’s head fur, almost methodic.

 “Looo, no!” The other protested with no heat in his tune, leading a toothless smile to resurface in Logan’s features. “Stop doing this. You know I end up sleeping every time!”

 “Oh no, what a tragedy.” He deadpanned, already plugging his phones and changing to a most relaxed position on his chair, his eyes traveling across the countless movies on the device before him. “In which episode did we stop?”

 “I’m going to fight you.” Pat sounded like he was pouting.

 “How so?” Logan asked, trying to hide his amusement.

 Silence followed his words.

 “Pat?”

 “What is the skeleton’s favorite instrument?”

 “Pat, don’t you fucking da-”

 “Language! It’s a xiloBONE!”

 Logan audible growled, fast in his final decision. “I’m going to drop you out the window.”

  “I’m going to hug you!” And immediately the one rolling his eyes felt himself being squished in a strong bear hug, huffing only half annoyed.

 “You are an incorrigible heathen, let me go in this exact instant.” His answer was a ‘butterfly kiss’ – as Pat was fond in calling them – on his forehead. “Urg, affection.” Yet he smiled and mirrored the act, lightly poking the other’s side.

 “We’re on episode 19.”

  [~*~]  

Roman stared the paper, his pencil’s tip stopped in the middle of the biggest petal’s flower, his eyes narrowing in the hope of a clearest way of how to convert the vague idea he had in transforming the night full of stars in a flower. No to tell he also would need to choose a good pallet of colors indication for it, later, and probably re-do all the process over and over and over until got the best result as possible. A yawn found its way from his lips and the designer stretched, getting up to drink a bit of water and rubbing his eyes, wondering if it was really worth it to make a black tea to help him through the night.

 A glimpse of color caught his attention. The navy blue teddy bear on his couch, the main inspiration of his newest tattoo. Roman wondered why it wasn’t resting in front of him while he drew. A corner of his brain, obscured by the tiredness, telling he had a previous good reason for this choice although his actual self carried absolutely no idea of why.

 Well, if he couldn’t remember it, it means the reason wasn’t THAT good, right?

 Roman held the stuffed animal, spinning with it across the room for a couple of minutes, imagining who would be the person behind it. A king, a queen, a non-binary royalty? Did they like Disney? Musicals? Sing? Would they chat for hours at first with a few words exchanged or would they take a bit to warm at each other? Was navy blue their favorite color or…

 Or…

 Navy blue.

 Oh.

 He fixed his glare on the plushie, his hands feeling and slowly drawing in the soft fur of it.

 Navy blue, huh? A humorless chuckled flew in the air. It could have no significance, it could be a world of it. It probably didn’t mean what he, for a moment, a so silly, stupid moment, wished it meant. Of course, one day this would happen, right? It was something normal, something expected. Not the magical, right out of the story books or his old daydreams, occurrence.

 This wasn’t a second chance. The Universe doesn’t give you second chances. He wasn’t the same boy from eleven years ago, holding his own costumed teddy bear crying his eyes out, hugging he – No, it – the closest as possible, wishing with all his heart and soul for the color, the voice, the thoughts, the rambling, their bickering, the forgiveness to come back again.

 No, he grew up. He moved on. He got better.

 Then why did a part of him still felt this way? Like he was about to hear the excited giggles, the soft reprimand, that lovely, deep and so truly -and sometimes boring, Roman had to admit – questions? Why would a part of him still say that he could have it all again if he just… waited long enough, hoped high enough, dreamed long enough…

 …If he was enough.

There aren’t more than seven billion colors in the world. Roman would be stupid if he really believed there was a path where he wouldn’t stumble in that so (un)fortunate well-known shade of blue again.

 Roman growled, his forehead making a loud, dry thumping sound as hit his desk. The one who should be asleep hours ago had absolutely no energy to battle against those thoughts, again. At least for now. He rubbed his eyes and stared at the teddy bear laid on the cold tabletop before him. Well, what a better way to get rid of your own means thoughts than put some stranger’s unpredictable thoughts in the middle of it? Roman slightly pushed the bunch of flowers and some warmup sketches he had out of the way, carefully carrying the representation next to him, nodding. Honestly, that was the best idea he had for a while, why did he even put the lovely thing away?

 Awake Roman was so silly, thinking that… something he couldn’t quite recall right now would be a bad idea, he pointed as snorted softly, pressing his lips on the teddy’s forehead, the quote he knew by heart flying from them in a natural flow.

 “It is not immortal, since it’s flame. But let it be infinite while it lasts.”

 A warm sensation rested on his own forehead moments later, leading the sleepy form to hum happily.

 “Is it… poetry?” Oh shit, Roman widened his eyes. His soulmate heard that?? Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. Roman mentally facepalmed himself. So that was why he usually said it before the First Step!

 “Uhh, yeah. Of course. Fidelity Sonnet by Vinícius Moraes.”

 “I see. Classicism, I presume. A literature of very soundly pleasant rhymes, indeed. The first sonnet was probably created by the humanist Italian poet Francesco Petrarca, although it got even more known in the western literature after the works of Camões, who- ”

 “He is from Modernism, actually.” Roman didn’t know why he suddenly sounded so defensive. Logan felt a cold feeling run his body when the other’s hands let go of him, for a piece of second wondering if it was supposed for him to do the same with the red narwhal plushie on his hold.

 “A very common mistake to make due the lack of context.” He retorted, unable to formulate another answer. He had, of course, thought, balanced options and chosen the best topics to discuss with his new soulmates when they bonded. However, his fingers firmly gripped the pen, its tip tapping on the first topic written in the notebook partially forgotten in front of him, the poetry figuratively threw him out of his tracks, leading the decision to be the most impartial as possible due his… not so impartial past memories with that specific shade of red an even more difficult task than it already was.

 “Yes. Sure. Sorry, I- I’m just… very tired right now.”

 “You should go sleep, then.”

 The other snorted with the direct, immediate response. “I should, shouldn’t I? Gotta work, though.”

 Some part of Logan’s brain registered the new fact, separating and keeping it in a special place so he would remember to write it down in the new folder he bought, later.

 “I see.” … poetry? That wasn’t a hard topic to talk about. The one now nervously cleaning the very clear lenses twisted his mouth. He could talk about this for hours. No, correction: he already had previously talked about this for hours non stop.

 Logan strangely felt the urge to rub his face and scream. It has been years, - eleven years and 10 months to be precise – and exactly eight years since the one wearing glasses learned poetry because of him. Because of his constant habit of reciting Shakespeare before they would go to bed, until Logan brought himself to research and decorate all the poems he could muster, taking the task to now wake Prince – the name still carried a strong taste in his tongue – in the same way every single day. Before they realize, that becomes something between them. There were times when both didn’t talk, content in only reciting some verses and hear the other complete them. A part of Logan, that illogical and unfortunately full of feelings one wondered how their rap battles would be if they found each other right now.

 Did Prince even maintain his liking the same things he one day did? Does he still recite poetry? Does he maintain the same dreams? The same habits?  Does he even remember about him?

 Highly improbable.

 “You can call me Lo.”

 Roman slowly blinked, getting out the fog surrounding his brain to realize he was mindless staring at the pan’s boiling water, surprised the other still there. Well, it seems like he hasn't screwed terribly everything yet.

 “Lo? Like Lowrance?”

 “Even though my name does contain ‘Lo’ in it, no. It’s ‘Lo’ like Logic. I came to believe it’s a good idea the nomination after a predominant characteristic, since we can’t actively exchange our real names through the Soulmate System.”

 Roman’s breath hitched, a memory with yellow-ish edges and nostalgic smell unrolling in front of him.

 …

 ‘I think we should choose you a name with more personality in it, ya know?’ He threw himself on his bed, kicking his legs on the air before immediately scoping the plushie and laying it on his stomach. ‘Like a characteristic!’

 ‘I don’t see what is wrong with the nickname I choose.’

 ‘No, no! There is nothing wrong with it! But that could be something just between us!’ Then he gasped, picturing that, if he was inside a movie there would be a lamp shining right above his hair in this moment. ‘We could call you Ro!! You wanted to be a robot, right?’

 His soulmate growled and Roman felt a few pokes on his arm, the verbal protest doesn’t taking long before accompanying it. ‘I was three years old!’

 ‘And I’m never letting you live this down.’ He beamed, both knowing the annoyed scoff he got as response held no real heat. ‘Besides, we could even match our names!!’

 ‘That would be very counterproductive.’ Roman felt his hair being softly smoothed, a usual indication the other was losing himself in his thoughts. ‘Nicknames are supposed to help us. Having two equal names is not the most efficient thing.’

 Roman dramatically scoffed, picking the stuffed animal and half hugging it, his free hand occupying itself in making a couple of gestures to no one, since his soulmate couldn’t exactly see them. ‘It’s not about being productive, Bear! It’s about feelings!!’

 ‘And since when,’ a light poke was delivered on his belly, making him squeak and mess with the teddy bear’s hair in revenge ‘Everything isn’t feelings for you, your highness?’

 …

 “Okay,” Roman and his self past disappearing with the fading memory said, in synchrony “You shall call me by Prince, then.”

 Suddenly he felt himself falling, his hands quickly holding on the tabletop as the cold, nauseous feeling took over his stomach, more like a punch on it, his veins being filled with amounts of adrenaline for a glimpse of a second.

 “Excuse me? Warn a guy next time you decide to just drop his representation, dude! Damn.” Roman shook himself, trying to bring his body to calm down.

 “Sorry, I got… startled.” Logan gulped. The word ‘Prince’ echoing on his mind as a broken vinyl disc. What were the chances? That couldn’t be such a common nickname, right? Nor color. Nor interests. What were the chances? What could be the chances? Maybe he was just projecting, being played, tricked by a dangerous partnership between his own brain and emotions. Maybe he was just jumping to conclusions due the nostalgic feeling fogging his actions, his thoughts. Perhaps-

 “Hey, Lo? Are you there?”

 “Yes.” Logan answered, his fingertips colliding quickly with the fabric of his pants as he visualized his options. “Yes, I am.”

 “Hm. Okay, then. I’m… glad to know.”

 Silence. Logan took a wobbly breath.

 “Time hath, my lord, a wallet at his back; Wherein he puts alms for oblivion; A great-size monster of ingratitudes:”

  “Those scraps are good deeds past; which are devour'd; As fast as they are made, forgot as soon.” Roman continued without even noticing until the words danced in the air, just like the years haven’t passed.

 Then he understood.

  His heart stopped for a second, his eyes widening and his voice disappearing, as if his whole being was afraid to break the moment, the spell; as if this was a dream and a miscalculate step would make everything fade.

 “Bear?” Roman felt a light poke on his cheek.

 “Hello, Prince.”

 Roman choked a laugh, quickly crawling the teddy bear next to his chest, hugging it both firmly and yet so caring, curling around its - no, him - feeling an equal warmth involve his form as he hided his face on the soft fur, giggling and hugging, feeling so happy, so alive and right and good and he would never, ever, ever again let him go.

 “I missed you, bitch. Never scare me like this again.”

 “I… missed you, as well.” Logan tried to not let the emotion take over his tune, his hand petting the narwhal plushie softly, the words had abandoning him, as it seems. “This reunion is a… good surprise.”

 “Oh, shut up, I know you’re having a blast somewhere in that logic soul of yours, too.”

 Logan huffed, grinning. “Stop crying on my hair, your troglodyte.”

 “Make me, I dare you.”

 “Always so dramatic.” They both rolled their eyes, letting the moment be bathed in the deep waters of a comfortable silence.

 “Eleven years.”

 “We have so, so much to talk about!! Oh, my goodness gracious, I’m going to get my tea. Do you remember about that play I wrote about zombie princes and a dragon witch? You will NOT fucking believe what happened with it!”

 “Good thing I have you to explain to me then.” Roman stopped, a gigantic smile taking over his features as he closed his eyes to feel everything even more.

 “Yeah, I agree.”

 Somewhere in the world Patton and Virgil smiled during their sleep, unable to control themselves when a gigantic wave of pure joy and delight filled every corner of their hearts, coloring it on the most brilliant gleam, just like their stuffed animals resting peacefully on their grip.

[normal-thoughts-official]

ok not to be That Magnus Stan but seeing your last ask... how do you think adhd/sensory issues might intersect with kink for Magnus? (You don't have to answer jkjljljljkllljlk)

i mean pls be That Magnus Stan tbh, and id be more than happy to answer it 👀👀👀

also the ask you’re referring to is no longer my last ask because it took me a while to finish this up, but anyway

ok so there's plenty of things that apply the same way to the both of them - like hyperfixating on their characters when planning roleplay, definitely the whole thing about how domspace (well, subspace for magnus, but u get it) feels a bit like hyperfocus? like his senses are just honed in and particularly for an adhd person that's just great news. like usually his head is all over the place but when he's in subspace he gets that quiet and he's just focusing on his own pleasure and everything else quiets down for a bit

in that sense i feel like it's the opposite of what anon said about being overwhelmed, like, i feel like the enhanced sensations are good for magnus because again adhd = brain desperately looking for stimuli at all times, so when he's engaging in like, orgasm delay/denial, gangbang and the like, he has a clear thing to focus on, sometimes even more than he can really process, and that kind of satisfies his brain?

udhdudndid that sounds stupid but i hope you understand what i mean, like, of course sensory issues could become bad and he might need to safeword but when he's in the proper headspace and he just allows himself to be washed over by the pleasure and let go, it feels like finally his mind is clear. i don't know if i have adhd, but it definitely feels that way for me. also, he might actually need the overstimulation in order to focus and feel pleasure, sometimes. like anything less he just.... wanders away jdhdudjdi i also feel that way

also, warning again just in case! im not saying "wow ppl with adhd are subs". im just conjecturing about how a person who happens to have adhd and be into subbing (and like, specifically the kind of adhd and kinks i hc for magnus) would feel in regards to how those things overlap and change their experience with their pleasure. or well, magnus specifically, not just any person with adhd. but anyway

also that thing i said about following orders and just letting go, like- usually his mind is going a mile a minute, and as a political leader and someone who's been on his own most of his life etc he just worries all the time. how to present, gesticulate, speak, what to say, what to do, he's always hyperaware of his own movements (because he has to) and worrying about others and their pleasure and comfort and shit, so to get to just lie back, not move - be unable to move, even - follow orders and be a good boy? that's some A+ shit right there

you know? he doesnt have to be anxious about anything or try to keep his thoughts and movements in check and guess ppl's reactions or even worry if he's just following orders - orders he knows he'll enjoy, that he's agreed to, planned for, with someone that he trusts - and feeling the pleasure that comes from that. a huge part of his usual thoughts is finally muted and that helps him feel relaxed and mellow and get into subspace. which again, he craves, because usually adhd brain is just aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA and so subspace is a very welcome and even needed break

even from a neurological standpoint, like... adhd is basically lack of norepinephrine in the brain, and orgasms, especially intense ones, release a lot of that, but I'll try not to nerd out too hard here. tho i might have to go back to that in a minute

isnt it performance art that i had a genius thought that i loved and halfway through finishing the last sentence i just forgot it

oh yeah! thinking specifically about rsd and how this comes into play for someone who's into humiliation kink. there are several psychological analyses that postulate that one of the things attractive about bdsm is that it allows you to explore fears and generally bad situations in a controlled environment. kinda like reading fiction or doing extreme sports. so in that sense bdsm is attractive because it allows you to act on those fears and turn them into something 1- safe, 2- under their control, instead of the other way around, and 3- pleasurable

and like... dont get me wrong it's not that magnus is into being told "ur ugly and no one loves you" or something lmao but in a way humiliation kink is enacting a fantasy of rejection/belittling, except turned inside out? like "you're my good little fucktoy, you were made to be fucked like this, you slut" is degrading and belittling and on the verge of calling someone worthless... except positive. because that's what makes them so great to fuck? so in a way this kind of play flips the tables on many concepts because being a "slut" or a "toy" feels like a compliment. and in this process of degradation you are taking the fear of being worthless and making a scenario where that being true is exactly what makes the person worthwhile

idk i might be reaching a bit here cuz i think im into humiliation that's way more hardcore than i think magnus would be like i straight up enjoy being called worthless lmao but i feel like that makes sense, the way that humiliation/degradation play takes your fear of rejection or shortcoming and is like "but if that were true.... that would make you good" like o shit can't argue with that

and again like.... obviously that's all a very careful line as you're dealing with some sensitive stuff, which is why doms need to go through training to be able to deal with the physical and mental implications of what they're doing. and none of this is conscious of course, i don't think magnus is out there thinking this through deeply or anything, im just saying it's a part of what makes bdsm subconsciously appealing to some ppl. but my point is, rsd might play a part in why magnus is into that mix of praise and humiliation. like i think he needs the praise for reassurance even during play, which alec is more than happy to provide ("you're so beautiful, look at you, so perfect like this, i love you,"), and that kind of play where rejection, praise, and pleasure are all kind of one and the same is appealing because it just makes it all the more overwhelming without actually being negative and your mind is just lost in the almost contradictory stimuli but the pleasure and the positive wins out and you just feel so relaxed and good? yeah

but there's also like, the way that impacts the negative possible outcomes of bdsm. namely, rsd and subdrop

rsd is kind of obvious so i'll try to be brief: it's a sensitive issue and if he's not in the proper headspace for it, it can have the opposite effect and go very wrong very fast, because his reaction to rejection is hyperamplified by it. so if it has the opposite of the desired effect - rejection overpowering praise and pleasure - it might go south so fast he doesnt have the time to yellow. like he can't prevent it before it happens, you know? which is also why i think he wouldn't go Super Deep into humiliation and why the mix with praise is key - which is another way in which they are compatible because alec sure does love praising him

as for subdrop: if you don't know what that is, basically BDSM play is very intense and releases a fuckton of endorphins all at once very fast, so, sometimes, the sub doesn't come down from their orgasm as much as falls facefirst back to earth. meaning, their brain empties itself of endorphins, which leaves them feeling hollow and depressed, sometimes also moody, hypersensitive/prone to crying, fatigued, and just generally bad

which is one of the many reasons aftercare is important! and also proper dom training! with proper aftercare, you can prevent that drop from happening, by keeping the sub feeling positively. reassurance, touch, and other forms to bring physical and/or psychological relief and/or pleasure helps keep their brain from just crashing once the rush of endorphins is over, so it lasts a little longer and they can come down from the high gently. work those neurotransmitters yall! keep them up and running!

so anyway i feel like subdrop is not only a bigger deal for ppl with adhd (because adhd is already a lack of neurotransmitters so fucking up your balance even further is Very Bad), but also more likely to happen if you're not careful, because the "regular" adhd brain already has a lack of neurotransmitters, which keep those endorphins running. so adhd ppl might "run out" of them even easier

NOTE: i'm not affirming that, this is a shot in the dark. i have no data or research to back that up and im nowhere near an expert in neuroscience, i just know the basics. so don't take this part too seriously and definitely don't quote me on it

but anyWAY yeah. my point is, subdrop can be a problem so it’s something that he tries to be prepared for, have some snacks before and after, do proper aftercare, etc. like i said, it’s mostly preventable, although sometimes stuff like this happens even if you do your best. but anyway

and there’s another thing too, which is that one possible sympton of subdrop is feeling rejected and alone. which is super fun when you have rsd! so yeah. subdrop can be very bad for magnus. and like, don’t get me wrong, i’m not saying it happens every time or super frequently or something, but it IS something he has to watch out for possibly more than others haha man thinking about how camille didn’t care about this at ALL. he knows it can be bad, but he’s also learnt how to prevent it for him, and as the healthy bastards that they are, magnus and alec talk about that in length. during alec’s Research™ he comes across that concept and he brings it up with magnus and makes sure that he knows everything there is to know about how and when magnus experiences subdrop and how to deal with that. he also makes magnus promise to let him know if he ever has it, because alec WILL drop everything to go and give him extra care. and it’s sweet

on a better note! BDSM has been shown to be associated with lower levels of rejection sensitivity among practitioners. so that’s nice? like obviously magnus won’t find the cure for his rsd with BDSM or anything, but i like the idea of magnus opening his eyes one day and realizing that hey, ever since alec and i have been doing play more often, i’ve been feeling a little less affected by rejection?

also like, BDSM as a whole helps enhance trust and communication in a relationship (obviously it needs to already be there for the BDSM activities to take place and like please everyone everything i’m saying here is on people who enjoy it. how you perceive these actions is heavily influenced by whether or not you enjoyed them so i’m not saying that BDSM is great for everyone, i’m saying that it’s great for people who are into it. so don’t go thinking BDSM will do your relationship good or something, k? k) for obvious reasons, so that also helps magnus feel more secure you know. so that’s a positive way that these things interact too 

and okay, i think that’s all i have? not that this isn’t gigantic but like you know. i don’t know how to end this other than uh i had fun answering that ask! also, again, i’m not a psychologist or a neuroscientist and there is actually pretty little research on the psychological effects of BDSM as most of the discussion seems to be centered on “is kink a disease?” due to stigmatization, so like, please, i’m doing this for fun, alright? i tried to make it as accurate as possible and also i get Into It and dive deep into research sometimes so while this is a somewhat educated guess, don’t take everything i say here as face value

in short, thanks for asking! 

[the19thduckpotato]

The Ties That Bind Part 2 (MHA Fanfic)

Part 1

In which things begin to get a little better

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No! No!! Izuku's pinkie twitched again as the tear soaked into the folds of his hand. I'm here, I'm he-- no, that's not what he wants, don't be ridiculous. He's the one protecting here. Does... does he think he failed? But I'm right here, alive n stable... that can't be-- ...Does he regret it? A cold wave washed over Izuku, and his heart dropped. Of course someone as good as All Might would regret causing destruction like that. His mind started to reorient itself from uncertainty to sympathy. But then why would he do it in the first place.... Ice clenched around his heart. Because of me.

The monitoring device merely continued to beep its soft diction to the quiet room and to the figure beside the bed. * stable * stable * stable * Toshi remained crouched, his blond burst of hair trembling with the force of his despair. * stable * stable * stable *

He loved me too much... it pushed him too far. Izuku's heart sank even further. He... he put my life before others. Everything was still except for that... ugh. Beeping. My life... but... maybe not.... Did they live? Izuku's swallow reflex kicked in. He winced. Ow... was Not ready to do that.... "Nnnh--"

Alone in the room with his thoughts, the memories of a few hours ago surged back. How his muscle form had exploded forth The whites of their eyes as they fled in fear The empathy he usually held for his fellow man withering before the searing flare of fury The heavy thud of his running steps, far louder than the panicked scrambling of the two villains One had flung his hands up to protect his face before All Might had-- "Nnnh--" The memories were forced away as Toshi's head snapped up.  "Izuku?"

“Mmhh—“ Izuku’s throat was sticking together. He scrunched his eyes uncomfortably. “Nnnn....” He tried opening his mouth, but that seemed to be stuck together too, whether by dryness or the same force that seemed to have held his limbs down he wasn’t sure.

Toshinori looked about and spotted a cup behind the card, water dotting the outside of the cup.  Inside sat a healthy portion of ice chips, some melted.  He dipped the provided spoon into the cup then held it out to Izuku.  "Here, this might help." He gently touched the spoon to the boy's lips I am still capable of good things making sure the spoon wasn't too full my boy is evidence of that so the chips wouldn't melt and run down his chin.

cOLD Izuku’s heavy eyes flashed open at the sudden temperature change. He blinked blearily, opening his mouth and letting in some Very cold ice chips. VERY cold. I hope I don’t get brain freeze.

His eyes are open--! He's responding--!! Toshi whispered quiet thanks then smiled encouragingly, blinking back relieved tears.  "More?  Or do you want a moment?" Spoken casually.  Trying not to show all the emotions storming within.  It would only frighten the kid. and make him remember He didn't need that, not while he was recovering.

Izuku somehow worked a yawn around the ice chips, and finally started to shift his limbs. He moved the ice around his mouth, mumbling ‘Hang on’... though it really came out more like “Nrrgnnn.” Toshi held his breath and pulled the spoon away, waiting.  Eyes wide, body tensed.  Nothing else in that moment mattered.  Only what Izuku asked of him.

Izuku finally blinked his eyes open for good, taking his first look at the hospital room through the dim light of the partly-open door. It looked... oddly cozy. He liked the soft burgundy of the square armchair across the room. He finally turned his head to the side and looked at Toshinori for the first time.

He's ok. Toshi stared back, the dark circles under his eyes stark against a pale complexion.  His hair was wilder than usual, one long bang almost twisted into a knot. HE'S OK. He shifted, the hospital scrub he'd been made to wear straining against his long form.  (The nurse almost sent Toshinori home after seeing the state of his torn clothing then finally had settled for a scrub to cover most of his dress shirt (or what remained of it).) Everything is going to be fine now because he is awake and he is ok He tried another smile and set the cup and spoon down.  "Hey, welcome back."

Oh heck, he looks terrible. Izuku blinked at Toshinori, then at the scrub he was wearing over his ripped dress shirt (?),  then back up at his face in time to see his attempt at a smile. Izuku’s heart squeezed painfully. No.... He looks so sad.... “...Hey.” His voice was croaky, but there. He twitched the corners of his mouth up slightly.

He's smiling. Sort of. I'll take it. Maybe Maybe he doesn't remember what happened He hated himself for this sudden thought.  He hated that instead of shoving it away, he tried  the thought again.  He hated that he let the thought take root. Let him have forgotten.  Please let it be forgotten and I swear, I swear, I'll never let it happen again. He watched Izuku for a sign, any sign. Casually, cheerfully:  "Is there anything I can do for you, young Midoriya?"

“Nyeh?” Izuku’s face scrunched up on one side in confusion as the sudden change of tone threw him for a loop.

"Hungry?  Thirsty?  Whatever you want, kid, just name it."

“I... wh-aaaa.” Izuku trailed off into a low groan, blinking. “Uh.” He scrunched his nose. Wait, why is he being so weird? He’s usually quieter than this. Well, I guess he might not be disappointed in me this time, I did do my best. But I always do my best? Well, there were two guys, that’s... something I guess. His face lit up with a sudden thought. “Chicken nuggets?” he asked hopefully.

Toshi was startled into a genuine chuckle and stood up.  "I'll see what I can do."

Izuku’s face fell into disappointment with comedic speed. “Oh. Wait. No. That means you’re leaving.” But I’m huuuuungryyyyyy, he whined at himself. “I wish I could go with you. You think they’ll let me?” He looked down at himself with his ankles wrapped in bandages and IV in his hand. “...Ah. Not likely.”

He fought to keep the light warm grin on his face.  "Hey, it's ok, I'll be right back.  ...let me--" let me do this for you "--uh, check to make sure it's ok, first." 

Izuku tilted his head, pinching his eyebrows slightly. Okay, weird pause.... And WHY is he still going around all banged up?? Aren’t they supposed to be taking care of him? They’ve clearly had contact with him. He eyed the scrubs, refusing to think to hard about the reason why he was wearing it. Don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t think about it— what were you thinking about before, think about that “Uh. Are you sure you want to? I mean I don’t think they’ll let me.” But I don’t want to let you out of my sight, ANYTHING could happen, that’s always what happens in movies, and also ARE YOU OKAY, and can I ask that without killing this nice, not-terribly-awkward moment, and— Aw, heck. It’s weird enough already, if you think about it. This is Not a situation normal people find themselves in. He lost some tension, giving in to the inevitability of awkwardness. Might as well be practical about it. “But, like, are you okay? Orrrrrr....” He shrugged. Ow! Well okay, so my arm is hurt too.... 

Toshi sat back down again, face wrinkling in concern.  "Hey, take it easy, son.  If anyone should be worried about anyone, it's me for you.  You--" He froze, realizing the problem almost too late.  of course he's going to remember what happened!  And if not, he'll remember after asking why he's in the hospital. The blond felt himself backed into a corner mentally and cursed silently. He gestured with one hand, indicating Izuku shouldn't worry about him.  He glanced at his own bandages, the fabric over the knuckles starting to stain red. Toshi settled for a big grin that crinkled his eyes shut.  "I'm fine, honest!" he chuckled. 

Izuku gave him the Flattest Look Possible. “Uh-huh.” 

Toshi's chin jutted out ever so slightly. 

Izuku sighed inwardly. Okay, so, resistant. Can’t really blame him when I get like that. Be cool, then, Izuku.... He sighed outwardly this time with a slight soft smile and leaned back against the pillows. He stared at the ceiling, wondering what to say next. The room was so quiet. Except for the beeping. Izuku wrinkled his nose in something between annoyance and disgust and stared at the machine like it was a pile of homework.

His teacher followed Izuku's gaze and chuckled.  "I know, I know, but it brings the rest of us a good measure of relief."  He squinted at it, wondering if it had been the same machine.  Surely not.  His eyes flicked to one of the lower corners, wondering if he was imagining the chip missing from there. Toshi turned back to Izuku.  "Right now, I just want you to focus on you.  Let One for All do its work.  Heal quick.  OK?"  He reached out a bandaged hand and clumsily tousled his protege's hair.

Izuku bent his head under Toshinori’s hand, smiling just a little. “But I don’t... want... to focus on me.” He stared at the blanket, a soft, sad look in his eyes. “That’s no fun.” He half-unconsciously pulled his knees up to his chest, belatedly thankful that his ankles hurt less than he thought they should have.

"Well, as long as you're in this hospital bed, that's just how it's going to be!"  Toshi chuckled heartily. 

Izuku stared at the floor behind Toshinori, a bit too fuzzy and tired to look at his face right then. He half-smiled humorlessly. “What, no fun?” He wrapped his arms around his knees and rested his head on them. Heh. I know.

Toshi's brow furrowed and he half smiled.  "Hey, c'mon...that's not..."  He tried to meet the kid's gaze.  "Izuku, hey, what's going on, kid?"

Izuku furrowed one eyebrow and lifted his head a bit to look at Toshinori. He made a soft “?” noise.

Don't pull at that string, don't don't don't you're asking for a world of trouble but my kid isn't happy well he's going to be even MORE unhappy with you if you keep picking at this so what, I'm just supposed to leave him like this? Toshi felt torn, unable to agree to one side or the other fully.  He rubbed a hand over his face and cleared his throat.  "Ah nothing, nothing.  Let me go see about those chicken nuggets, hmm?"  He gently squeezed Izuku's shoulder and walked to the door.

Izuku lifted his head up suddenly, a tiny sad noise almost escaping from his throat as he watched Toshinori leaving. “Oh... o-okay then.” A thought occurred. “Do get something for you, too, though.” I know you forget. I mean I’d forget too, but. I hope it’s okay for me to remind you. ... Ohcrap ohcrap was I supposed to say that?? Was that rude?? Was that bad??

He paused at the door and turned back to Izuku, looking as if he wanted to say something else. Behind Izuku, the window was open and the sun was rising.  It bathed his head in a golden halo.  Even battered and bruise, the kid looked perfect, wonderful-- you've done enough to him --and Toshi nodded in quick agreement, pushing the door open and escaping before he lost his composure.

What... is up with him?? Izuku stared after Toshinori uneasily. You mean you don’t know? Duh. Well— besides the obvious! I mean... well, yeah, that’s probably what’s wrong. And why are you suddenly so cool about this?? Don’t you know what happened?? He almost killed for you. He might actually have!! The minute a hero prioritizes one life above the greater good, they’ve gone too far. That— NO, that’s ridiculous!! All Might wouldn’t do that, he’d never do that!! Not even for.... ”Not even?”  ... Are you kidding me. That has got to be the most prideful thing you’ve ever thought. Why would you just assume you’re the most important person in his life?? It was a mistake, it was an accident, alright? I didn’t mean it— well I know that doesn’t change the fact that I thought it, but— What the— sjdhfgddfs— that’s AWFUL! Look at Tsukauchi, that’s his best friend! Look at his Master! Don’t you dare place yourself above her. How could you?? Okay, okay, I get it!! But that just reinforces my point, that All Might wouldn’t do that! He didn’t even do that at the USJ, I mean then he was scary, but... ...  ...Yeah. That was different. Izuku drew into himself further, taking up only a fraction of the bed. He shuddered. Please... let it not have been real.... But he knew in his sinking heart it was. 

[demyrie]

On Synchronicities, or 'Winks from the Universe'

Hello from semi-hiatus! Things have been intense lately, very up and down and faith and despair and AAAAAA, so I wanted to go woo again and talk about synchronicities, or “winks”.

I call them winks because that's what it feels like -- remember when you were in a guessing game or a mystery, and you tentatively said something and got a wink in response? Remember that jolt of excitement, or celebration, or confidence like YES I WAS RIGHT? At least in USA culture, a wink means keep going, yes, you're getting it.

Turns out, the universe can wink at you, too!

The universe works on harmony or disharmony, frequencies or vibrations, in which our frame of mind plays a huge part, and often produces “synchronicities” -- the seemingly random or unlikely coincidences that catch your attention. When you align with your highest path, other things around you will align to show you: yes, this is it! You're getting it! You're in the swing of things, you're dancing to your own tune!

Winks are different for everyone. Me, it's numbers, which uhhhh makes sense with my profession, but the whole world is a canvas for synchronicities to show up on. Some people see certain animals more often whenever they're “dancing in tune”, and I know I always feel a warm hand over my heart when I see a squirrel doing something cute -- one of the advantages of having a very, very common spirit guide! But that's just … nice. Winks are discrete and joyous reminders to be in the moment and TRUST, and though I'm not much into strict numerology, they mostly appear to me in numbers.

For example: Whenever I'm counting medication and I pour a perfect amount, I always make a point to remember what I was thinking about when I poured. Have you ever had to count 63 tablets, and got EXACTLY that weird number with two shakes of the bottle? Trust me, it feels good. It felt good to the universe, too, and you're sharing a moment of perfect timing, belonging and allowing. You didn't shake too much. You didn't double guess yourself.

You just did, and it was perfect.

Winks say, go with your instincts. Winks say, trust yourself, keep going, good job. Winks say, this is how it is. You can have this.

This morning, I was on my way to a work location that was a) very far away and b) I’d had a stressful experience at last time and c) my cars engine had been acting a little funny, so it was not a calm voyage. I was worried. I was worried about my shift, my car, and deeply, especially worried about my books. It was one of those days where you step back and look at this thing you've poured so much time and love and WANT into, and pick it up by the ears and ask “is this trash?”

It's not a productive kind of worry. It's gross and sad and debilitating and an exorcism of deeper fears of worth -- because if I make trash, what does that make me?

So, even though I almost talked myself out of it, I stopped into Wawa for some food before my shift (because I'm an hour early, because anxiety).

(TW: eating disordered thinking)

I'm a mess in my head, so naturally I'm a mess in the Wawa too. I'm grabbing things left and right, mostly sweets, but when I get to the counter and see some mostly-healthy (or at least FILLING) breakfast sandwiches, I have a burst of regret.

Should I get one? Was it too much? Ah, FUCK, should I put everything back because I don't deserve any of it?? Maybe I don't deserve breakfast, maybe I'll just keep myself in line until lunch.

It's easy to see how my thoughts spiralled into what I was really feeling, projecting like this into a goddamn gas station sandwich, but I grab one.

Fuck it, I'm an adult and I have money and I need to eat, I thought, and when the cashier rang up my sporadic collection of anxiety sweets and borderline breakfast, the total was $11.11.

I instantly smiled. It was a stupid, happy, sheepish smile, and my shoulders dropped. It was a wink from the universe, or in this case a nudge.

The message wasn't: “buy sandwiches forever and you will never struggle with your self-worth and purpose!”.

It was this: “Shhh. Eat. Take care of yourself. The thoughts that led you to get the sandwich -- in PERFECT combination with every other random thing you grabbed -- are correct. Even these little wild decisions are correct, no matter how lost you may feel. You are deserving. Also eat the goddamn sandwich.”

Now, just an hour or two ago, when I was teaching a tech how to do data entry, I looked up and it was 11:11am. I love teaching and I love helping others. It's definitely part of my path. I smiled again, and plunged forward into my day with enthusiasm and love, knowing I was supported.

It's amazing how just that mindset can change the way your whole day progresses! Trust is a hell of a thing.

It's even funnier when you start to share wink languages with people. My starmate was having a heated text conversation with me re: creativity. When she boiled over and came to the conclusion of “I think we just need to DO US, you know??”, the timestamp was exactly 4:44 -- a number of completion, stability and home. When I alerted her to it, she flipped, but not in the good way. She's been getting nudges and winks like this so long it sometimes feels like a smug or even nagging mother and she poured out an alphabet soup of frustration, like I KNOW OK?? AAAA!

Being magnificently and fearlessly yourself is easier said than done, sometimes. “OKAY, universe!” is a common phrase of ours, as bratty as we possibly can make it :) with love in our hearts of course! Sometimes there's a bit of freedom and humor to be found in playing up our roles as children in this big old sandbox, and whining is totally accepted… as long as you plan to pony up in the end.

In that vein, I had one or two nights where the energy was VERY high and I would wake up at every synchronicity on the dot: 3:33am, 4:44am, and was very tired and grumpy as a result even as I knew the universe was pulling out all the stops to pat me on the back. I'm just a human, this is great and intense and magical and all but I. Need. Sleep!! (Pearls before swine, clearly…)

Another time, I was having another crisis of faith regarding family, and love that doesn't come easily to me. There wasn't any particular trigger, but I was angsting vaguely and even worrying about secretly being a sociopath -- and then I got a customer with a birthday of 11/11, and their change? $4.44!

Obviously I get certain numbers more than others, but the message is always the same: You're doing great sweetie.gif!

You're doing what you're supposed to be doing. It's okay. You're okay. Keep your chin up. Breathe. Allow.

Winking can be a comfort, a reminder that you are loved and supported in all things -- especially feeling your feelings as they are, not as they should be.

So, winks are cool. Once you find your wink language, catching one is like a burst of pure energy: a ringing endorsement from Your Biggest Fan, the Universe 💕🌠

The one thing I would caution with winks, however, is not to look for them.

I know it's difficult, but it literally defies the premise: stressing about being perfect immediately breaks your perfection, like sports players who get the “yips”. The little miracle is you looking up at the clock at EXACTLY that time, because you were meant to, because your perfection is too much to go uncommented on. NOT getting winks doesn't mean you're doing poorly, but those of us with negative mindsets may suffer from what is essentially just another thing to miss out on. Which, again, mindsets and expectations.

Sometimes I'll catch a 3:34 and feel disappointed, and that's just silly. It's not about math. It's about the moment, and there are thousands of moments in any given day. Just do you. Just rock, and hope, and reach for the things that make you glow inside.

It's a cherry on top. Sprinkles. A high five. The more and more you fall into your own perfect stride -- that isn't so much flawless as it is PERSONAL, purely you in a way no one else can manage and a little piece of what you came here to Do -- the more the universe will wink at you, celebrate with you, and urge you on.

I hope you can move just a little further into believing in yourself and your path today, even if it's just buying the goddamn sandwich. Remember, you are deserving. You're doing just fine.

😉

[shijakbuteoda]

other side

part two

summary: wherein mark lee has a crush on reader, and is also not who everyone assumes him to be.

a/n: just a mark lee imagine thingy?! yes i know i called him minhyung BUT it makes sense once you read it alright?! kinda rushed im sorry:( please keep in mind that this is the first thing i’ve written on tumblr too!

;; ♡

minhyung lee completely and utterly adored you, but just as any girl in a cliche teen movie, you were oblivious to this.

oblivious to his lingering stares, to the fact that he left bottles of your favourite drink on your desk in homeroom with little encouraging notes to urge you through the day, the books he had heard you rambling about reading were then saved under your name in the library the next day, the fact that he studied at the cafe you worked at so he would have the opportunity to admire you from afar, and the drawings that he would fold up into paper planes and throw at you in class (but you never caught on as to where they were coming from, especially since minhyung had claimed the seat at the far back of the classroom and you sat at the front).

you soon began to catch on to the little glances that he would send you, in english class, art, chemistry, drama.. especially drama, let’s just say in every class. since you did share each. and. every. class. with. minhyung. lee.

as everyone in your school knew, minhyung lee was shy and afraid of skinship, not even his friends were able to get within 10cm of him without him freaking out... and you were going to challenge that stereotype.

you had a feeling that minhyung lee was not who everyone thought he was, and you were determined to find out what was behind his cute and shy bookworm persona.. or maybe it wasn’t a persona.. maybe he just enjoyed reading and- whatever.. you were ready for whatever he was to throw at you.

;; ♡

it was in the 3rd period of the day, drama, where the relationship between you and minhyung lee had began to blossom.

the teacher assigned you and minhyung the lead roles in the upcoming school play, which was also co-written and directed by you, seeing the lingering stares that the pair of you had been giving each other throughout her classes.

you were overjoyed with this information, whereas minhyung was nervous. once receiving the news he couldn’t have ran any faster to the school library to calm down.

;; ♡

it was late on a saturday night when you next saw minhyung lee, albeit not in a place where you would expect to see him.

your friends had dragged you to an underground rapping performance, where the best rappers from all around the nation would gather for one night in a battle for the grand prize. for some reason your gut feeling was telling you to push through the crowds to get to the front row, which is exactly what you did, pulling your friends with you.

since the small group of you had arrived late, you were only able to watch the last few showdowns. the last one was the biggest of the night, where the winner of last year’s showdown was to battle against the rapper who had defeated each of the other participants throughout the night.

the (so far) reigning champion of the night was called up, and a few claps and hollers arose from the crowd as their name was announced.

then the name mark lee was called, introduced as the best rapper in the nation, who had maintained his position as the champion for 3 straight years at the mere age of 19. just at the mention of his name, the crowd erupted in applause.

time seemed to slow down as mark lee pulled his hoodie off, revealing the innocent face of minhyung lee.

the same minhyung lee that was too scared to even talk to you, was now mark lee who was not afraid to stand in front of hundreds and bite back at his opponent with such grace and precision to the point where he left both his opponent and the crowd speechless.

when you turned to look at your friends in amazement you realised that they were now long gone, all that was left was a text message, “sorry we left you:( we needed to go to the bathroom & — is coming down with a cold so i need to get her home, will you be able to make it home safe or do you want me to come back & pick you up?”

looking back up from your phone you made eye contact with minh- mark, who would recognise your face from anywhere. upon seeing your widened eyes he froze in his spot before taking off.

;; ♡

stepping out into the cold night, you were yet to recover from mark’s performance.. you also had no ride home.

as you were about to call one of your parents to pick you up, someone bumped into you from behind. this led to you falling forwards, only to be pulled back into said person’s chest.

“oh- uh i’m so sorry about that.. i feel like we need to talk a little? t-that’s if you don’t mind is all, or-“

“oh, minhyung! hey, it’s fine don’t worry, and of course we can talk-“

“m-mark, you can call me mark, would you like a ride home?”

you nodded in response, thanking him quietly as he held open his car door for you.

;; ♡

it had been weeks since you discovered mark’s other side, and the two of you were now as close as ever.

once you had promised to not tell anyone about mark’s secret, you compromised with him and now the two of you were going to each other’s houses almost every day to “practice” for the school play.

it was a saturday afternoon and the pair of you were sitting in your room, going over the last scene in the play... which you then remembered had a kiss scene in it.. as you reached the last line you noticed mark’s cheeks starting to heat up.

he shrugged as if to say “fuck it” and leaned forwards, pressing his lips against yours softly. your eyes fluttered shut, all of your senses were overwhelmed with everything mark lee.

he tasted of coffee and the apple flavoured chapstick he had applied earlier in the day, he smelt of autumn and books, he felt like home. mark lee felt like home.

the kiss definitely lingered more than it needed to but the pair of you paid no attention to that fact, lost in one another. the world and all of it’s problems faded away, all the two of you knew in that moment was each other.

once you pulled away mark lee uttered the words he had always wanted to tell you, “i know it’s too soon to say, but i think that i love you, will you be my lover?”

you were still breathless from your last kiss and couldn’t form a proper sentence so you answered mark with another kiss, pulling away again to say “yes, you dork.”

;; ♡

it was now 6 months into dating the one and only mark/minhyung lee, and you had managed to keep a collection of majority of his hoodies. so when mark came over to look for his favourite hoodie, he couldn’t help but stare in awe at the adorableness that was you in his hoodie which went down past your knees.

all he could do was jump on your bed and giggle into one of your pillows, squealing a little when his glasses were pushed further into the bridge of his nose. he flopped back over onto his back and pouted, asking you to kiss it better.. and what were you gonna do? say no? of course not.

you giggled and peppered his face with small pecks, lingering a little longer when it came to his lips. mark pulled you in closer and wrapped the two of you in your blankets.

wrapping his arm around your shoulders, he began reading the first book in the harry potter series to you in such a soft voice that you couldn’t help but fall asleep. when you awoke again it was 2am and to the sound of mark sneaking in through your window.

you pouted and sat up, making grabby hands towards him. he responded with a soft chuckle and climbed onto your bed, “i’m sorry, baby. i had to go work on my rapping. i didn’t wanna wake you,” he had a slight rasp to his voice, making you blush as you nuzzled your head further into the crook of his neck, “it’s fine, bub. that’s why i leave my window open on saturday nights.. i know it’s when you work,”

“love, that’s dangerous-“ the sound of mark’s voice faded out as you couldn’t help but be lulled back to sleep by his voice. the last thought on your mind being ‘mark lee is finally mine..’

mark just sighed and looked down at you, kissing your nose before falling asleep himself.

dedicated to my love, @yong-yong-ma-boi! i love u 💓 and i’m sorry it’s so bad bc i rushed aaaa

[onewholivesintheheart]

LIFE IS A CANVAS- excrept from the Tales of You

Not so long ago had this taken place in your life. If not well somewhere on your tale you will jolt it down. For the time being let’s just enjoy the story.

Once upon a time, God and You were pals... best buddies... they took walks together... they spend a lot of time together... exploring... hitchhiking.... but, soon God got his own business and was off to make to the business world. God brought a gift for You for the farewell party...

God said: “I think it’s time to catch up with the world. I have got some ideas and I’m planning on a startup. Don’t worry, I will be there when you need me. Here is a farewell gift. Check it out... how cool is it?”

You went excitedly to the gift and tried unwrapping it, “Couldn’t you get more colorful wrapping papers. It’s just a plane paper....” God rushed to You and stopped “Whooohooo... easy my friend...easy... it’s not wrapped. It’s my gift. Sorry I was in a hurry. So I couldn’t get it wrapped.”

You stared at the white paper on the wooden board “well, I think it’s quite something. You call it “gift”. I don’t feel gifted. What’s this all about?”

God in a dramatic voice, “Well, you my friend is special. Unlike any of my other friends, you are unique. So, I gift you “the Life”. Can I have a drum-roll please... no!! Fine!! It’s okay...”

You was quite amused, “Well you call this Life. This is an empty paper stuck on wooden board... okay, I think I am gonna call it.... aaaa... ah..... Well, CANVAS... I know you are in a hurry. You need not have got this for me. I am sorry, I couldn’t buy you anything. In fact I thought You were going to stay forever. As a matter of fact, have you really got a plan on what you are going to do? I hear there a lot of good startups coming up. How are you going to catch up with this crazy world?”

“Well, I am sorry, You. I wish I could stay longer. But its show time. I think my business is going to flourish. This is all what the world needs. I am starting my ‘ALMIGHTY, Solutions for free - a way for an easy life’... it’s gonna be a hit. I got a complimentary gift with your so-called Canvas. Here, catch this color palette. And to remember me, here is a magic brush.”

“So, you have not forgotten your passion for magic I guess...” You made a mischievous smile... “Oh, God... all the wonders you performed with your magic... Good old times... well, Bon voyage...”

As God went off for business, God dropped You at the apartment where they lived. You walked in with a heavy heart as You entered into the apartment as God drove away. The apartment seemed quite different. It was so colorful when God was around. Now all of a sudden it seemed blacked out. Silent. Well, looking at the white canvas You spent quite a lot of time in memories of God, all alone, except for the color palette and the brush. You was sad. When You saw the canvas, (You preferred calling it canvas, though God told its life!!) You thought God is going to do some magic trick and turn it into a beautiful artwork before God left. You even planned on selling it at an exhibition on auction. With all the money, You even thought of getting a better apartment. Well, who would want this Earth-The all nature apartment, when you have Mars, next door!!!! The canvas seemed getting whiter day by day, when eventually You thought of ideas to finally start working on it. You had a brilliant idea and thought, “This is going to be the most beautiful portrait one has ever-seen, and once God is back I am going to re-gift this. I gonna show my pal, God, how to really give a gift. Because I can’t afford to buy something new for God. ”

You excitedly took the color palette and the brush, when suddenly You noticed it missed something. Sadly and quite frustrated You called God. But God seemed quite busy, but finally managed to have some time, when You yelled at the top of the voice. “Oh, God, why don’t you gift something wholly? Is this how you gift your old pal???” God was so confused and asked, “What’s wrong, my friend? You seemed to be upset. What happened?” “Seriously God!! You don’t know what went wrong. I wanted to make something wonderful out of your gift to re-gift to you .., because you know I am not running any business here. I can’t afford a return gift. But, the matter is that, you gave me a color palette without green. Where do you buy these stuff from?” God felt so sorry, “Sorry friend, I couldn’t afford green at that time. I was busy. I ran out of money as I started this start up and I am expanding. Don’t feel sad. I have got a lot of clients who deal with colors. But I don’t think I can get green now. It’s out of stock. You should have ordered online earlier. You could have also got a free delivery. Don’t worry. I am the owner of ‘ALMIGHTY, Solutions for free - a way for an easy life’. So guess what, I have something better...that’s not gonna be in any color palette that you could afford for a while. Since it’s your first purchase and you are my friend, I can get it for free for you. Now this is from the exclusive premium collection- It’s the Teal edition. Better get it soon. I will get you the details. Bye, I gotta go. There is lots of clients waiting... bye bye....” “But... wait  ... what...” You was totally disappointed as God just hung up. “All I needed was green. But look what God gave me, TEAL!!!!!!”

Time passed by. You felt miserable. You didn’t accept the Teal offer out of anger and now You is regretting because once You got to the store green was totally out of stock and found out what Teal really was. But as God said, You couldn’t afford it. You started thinking of another idea. You searched for the palette and was once again not only disappointed but angry too. You Whatsapp God immediately with tones of angry face.

God: “watsup man? Hurry. Gotta go”

You: “where is my orange?”

God: “What?!!!!”

You: “I need the Orange”

God: “OH!! NO... now don’t tell me Orange is the new trend. I juz bought the Apple and oh, manh! It’s so costly. bt worth it. I’m gonna showoff with it in the meeting today. Well, apples have always been tempting ever since, weren’t they? They always draws in attention and brings on a temptation and finally waiting for redemption.”(And a lot of winks)

“No!!!!! What r u speaking about?”

“What r u speaking about, You?”

“Well, what else? Ur beautiful gift”

“OH, no... The color orange... is that missing too... oh no, clients are calling...I gotta hurry... don’t get upset... I will be there when u need me. I’m ur frnd. Alrighty then, get this gift card that I’m sending u herewith n get this newest deal. I have paid 4 it. u juz have to get it. It will help. I gotta hurry. Sorry, pal. Catch up with u later...”

Excitedly You explored the gift card and just threw down the phone, “Come on Now.” It doesn’t take much time for excitement to become incitement. You continued angrily, “Why do you do this to me God. Why??? .. It’s not orange. It’s Cyan. Why this? Why me? God could get the all new Apple, but not orange. I have no use for this. I am getting rid of it.”

Time flew. You appeared woeful. Depression seemed to have taken a toll on You. One day as You was scrolling through news feed and making sad quotes and angry posts in Facebook You heard a familiar footsteps in that dark room. The room seemed more and more dark. Only the canvas seemed to stand out of it. In the loneliness of the room, the footsteps became louder and clearer. Finally, You looked up from the phone, realizing that You was not going crazy to find out that it was God who has walked in. “Surprise........ Hey, I haven’t heard from you for a while. What happened to you, You? You seem depressed and have lost confidence or is it that you gained a few pounds? What is it?” God was not happy to see You in such a plight.

You looked melancholic and spoke in low-voice, “Maybe it’s the weight.” You frowned as You spoke further. “I think I am a stress eater.”

God felt so sympathetic, “What happened? What’s it? Your canvas is dusting out. The colors are drying out. And You seem aging out.”

“Yes, I couldn’t reach to you. Why was it? I thought you forgot.”

“O, may be its cause I got rid of the complaint box.”

“Why did you do so?” You gave God a perplexed look. You couldn’t believe that. You always thought that was the key to God’s business.

“It was clearance week at office. And I couldn’t get that box cleared. OH, boy, the supply into the box seemed seamless. I call it supplies, but, trust me, the complaint box is so demanding. I couldn’t get it cleared by the end of clearance week. And one week is just 7 days even there at my office. So, on the sixth day I just got the complaint box cleared. And guess what I got, the very next day, the seventh day, I was on vacation.”

You started to get jealously angry. You thought, “God is on vacation, and here I am struggling hard to get a color for my canvas.” You started to speak in a low voice, “Why is the supply to complaint box so endless? Who is writing to you? Me and probably others whom you gifted the canvas?”

“Yes, exactly!”

“Well, it would then just be me, then, isn’t it?” God just smiled silently, yet, mischievously. You went raving in, “Then, tell me how many? What is the supply there? Tell me, what have you got? You gave me a blank canvas and I come up with ideas and all I have is an incomplete color deck.”

“Don’t get angry, You. The supply in there is complicated. Let me do the math. 7.6 billion people multiplied by 24 hours into 60 into 60 into...”

“Wowwww..... wowww... Seems like you have got a plenty of “canvas-gift” offer there?

“Ya, it’s quite something. Kind of a wholesale deal. By the way, why did you reach out for me?”

“Well, I was desperate. I needed purple. You know, I love that color. I dreamed of a canvas so filled with different shades of purple. I didn’t have it. You called it Life, I prefer calling it a canvas, but for a while I felt like it should be named something like Dreams. I was going to name my portrait Canvas of Dreams. All I needed was purple, but... but I felt bad as I looked at the color palette ... I was desperate...I am helpless....” Tears rolled into You’s eyes. God felt terribly sorry for You and hugged You tight telling You, “What’s wrong? If that’s what you like, go ahead. Get it.”

“With this palette, I am never gonna be able to do this.” You showed the palette and asked, “Where do you see purple in here? Then, how am I going to get it?”

God comforted You, “I am so sorry that I couldn’t be here. Since I got the clearance week done, as soon as I got rid of that rusted complaint box I was off to vacation and I got trapped in Vegas and before I knew I was out of money. But, well, what a game it was. It was fun, we should go together sometime. And now I am on my way back to get the business renovated. I would love to help you, but I am out of everything you need- No offers, no gift cards, no money... I am sorry, friend.”

You couldn’t hold it back anymore, “Then, why are you here? You were there with me. Then one day, suddenly, you just left. You got better life, business, vacations.... And you just got rid of me by giving this gift of yours. I don’t need it anymore.” You violently started ripping off the canvas, tore it into pieces and threw the color palette on to the floor. The sight of the brush remembered You of God and started ruining the brush by chaffing it against the floor.

God patiently watched everything, “Are you sure you don’t need my magic brush too? I wouldn’t do that if I were you? Don’t get mad at me. Just calm down.”

“Why would I need this? Why wouldn’t I be mad? You gave me the worst “canvas-gift package” ever!!!”

“You, listen. You are special and I gave you the best.”

“Special?? A blank paper and just 3 colors... You call it a gift and I think it was your way of getting rid of me. Else why would you leave me alone on this and ask to figure all this out myself.”

“Why don’t you and I take a walk like we once used to?” “I don’t want to. Where to? Its dark everywhere. I can’t see anything anymore. It’s nothing like it was once. It’s all gone, forever...”

“It’s the way you choose to see that decides what you see.” God just walked around moving the black curtains surrounding You. Suddenly everything seemed so bright. You couldn’t open the eyes. “What’s this? What are you doing? How did you do this? How come I didn’t realize this? Those were just curtains????? Is these some of your old magic tricks???”

“If you are going to keep on asking questions we may not have time to go for a walk. Remember, I am a busy man and I don’t do tricks for fun. I do shows now. I am reputed. I have standards to keep. Don’t call them just magic. Now, my show is called MIRACLE. You should have seen me perform. But, still many wouldn’t believe. So, still I am working on it. It’s hard to get people amazed now.” God sighed and continued, “Well, I am happy that I don’t do stand-ups. It’s harder to make even people laugh. Everyone is so serious now. See, even you don’t want to open your eyes and come with me like you used to. What’s it?”

“Oh, it’s so bright. I can’t open my eyes.”

“That’s fine. This is totally normal. I got this. Just relax. The eyes that are trapped for long times in darkness of prejudice like this tends to show resistance to the lights of truth. Now relax. Let go off everything that happened. Forget the desires and unveil the dark covers in your mind with the air of a magician. Try it and slowly open your eyes. You should see this. I bet you will be amazed.”

You struggled to see through. Once You could see once again properly, You was astonished. “The world has changed a lot ever-since you left. Seems like I was in there within the curtains forever.”

It was a world of canvases, but unlike the empty canvas of You, it was bright.

God said, “You still sure you don’t want to take a walk?” You just walked to God. They just started walking around and looking at all those pretty canvases, rather, portraits.

As they got back finally You was holding God’s hand once again like old times. God had a smile. You was still not knowing what to tell. They remained like that for a while. Finally, God broke the silence. “Wow, that was the best trip ever. The silence between us was the best part of it, wasn’t it?” laughing, continued “Was that silence so good? Why you are still holding to it?”

You just started picking up the bits of torn canvas. You couldn’t find many pieces as they flew away in the heavy winds of time and drizzles of fate as they were off on the walk. God just asked You as You sat down rubbing the colors on the floor with the ruined brush, “I am so sorry about this. Now why are you crying? There’s no use crying over broken down canvas.”

You started speaking as tears rolled down the cheeks, in a feeble pathetic voice, “O God, I thought you were a friend but you lied. You told me I was special. If I was special, why would be my canvas be like this down here. Why is that all the canvases out there are colorful? Why did you blindfold me with the curtains? Why didn’t you let me see what others do with their canvases? Why did I have curtains around me? Else, I would have at least copied from theirs.”

“Oh, okay. That’s a lot of questions. Well, I am used to being interviewed. I get these a lot. In fact all I get is questions in my business, all day long. Well, about the copying of other’s canvases, isn’t copyrights a problem here. I am sure to would be. In my office, I have to come with original ideas every day!! Haa... well...” God picking up the rest of the remaining torn pieces of the canvas “seems like you have got some pieces missing here.”

You was still sobbing, “Above all, you just gave me 3 colors whilst everyone else out there had a lot of colors that I haven’t even seen of. Why did you do this to me?”

Trying to fix the torn pieces of paper, like a child fixing jigsaw puzzle, without taking eyes off it, God spoke, “ Feels like you have nothing left behind, right?” and looked up to You.

Immediately You looked up from the floor and said, “YES, for the first time you are telling me the truth, you liar.” (The frustrations never end, do they?)

“Nope, Happy Aprils’ Fool!” God laughed.

“What? Have you lost your mind? I am the one who is supposed to go crazy here, and here you are laughing madly”

“Hey, friend. I told you lost everything and that’s the only time I lied. I was just fooling you.” God stopped for a while and with a smile he started trying to fit the torn papers together and continued, “Look at the colors on the floor. You said you had only 3 colors. Now how many do you see? Still three?”

“Come on, is this some trick you showcased at Vegas? No wonder you are still everyone’s favorite magician.” You was amazed as he looked at the floor.

“I didn’t do it. You mixed them with that broken brush a while ago. Now, you have all you need. Orange, Green, Purple... what-else do you need now? You have all of it on the floor, don’t you? I said you were special. That’s why I gave you 3 colors - The Red, The Blue and The Green. If you had given it a thought you would have tried mixing them up. Or at least you could have used, what you have got.” After a pause God continued, “I said you were special, that’s why I gave you The Canvas. It was blank, so that you could decide completely what to do with it. I gave the same to everyone around here. But you were so special that I gave you my magic brush- that was my ‘helping hand’. The deal was to touch it to the color palette and then to the canvas, just 2 strokes, that must have done it. The only small secret was to include a little head and all your heart into it. It will do the magic.”

Sobbing, You asked, “Why didn’t you tell these to me earlier? Are these pieces of advice seasonal or premium offers, that you just tell it now??!! Why didn’t you tell me this whole long speech when you left?”

Mischievously smiling, God replied, “A magician never reveals the secrets.”

“Well, why did you give me what I didn’t ask for? How was your special offers supposed to help me? I never asked for them?”

“You are my friend. So I gave you the brand new items when you were in need. I tried to provide you with the best when you asked for. I never gave anyone else the same gifts. I gave you many gifts ahead of time. Still, I don’t understand why you didn’t use it? Trust me on this, the color palette there in my business might be too big, but it’s expensive. It’s not always that someone gets special offers. It was because you were so special to me that I chose to give you special gifts.”

“So, you are telling that it is all my fault? Fine, well, why did you put the black curtains then?”

“Hey, come on. I am a magician. I need to make it dramatical.” Laughing God put a hand around You’s shoulder. “Jokes apart. You were special. I wanted your canvas to be unique and also if I had not put the curtains this meeting would have probably happened in jail. You would have gone to jail trying to copy others artworks. That’s a serious issue, actually a crime. Copying same artwork into different canvases or exhibiting the same in different frames falls under the Crime of murdering diversity and uniqueness and Crimes of dishonesty, cheating, and moreover there would be copyrights issues in terms of Canvas rules and regulations. I didn’t want you to get into trouble.”

“Oh, so you got yourself justified. Magic played well. Proved yourself correct all the time. Now what? What about me??????”

“Creativity is one of the greatest paid works in the world. I always said you were special. Because though I own a Creative Business Strategy you are too smart to even compete me only because you are creative. Had you put it into use you would have got your dreams of making a purple canvas, exhibitions, fame, money, and so on, by this time.”

You felt so pathetic. Desperate. Depressed. “Now, you are done I guess?”

“NO. Now the closing sentence.” God calmly told, “When your outlook changes, so will the things you look out for, change. It’s applicable to the canvas and colors too.”

You looked at God now with so much gratefulness and sorry.

God felt bad about You. “I know what you are up to. But I don’t have time. I have to catch up with the new season of #TheEllenShow . She is so funny and hers is one of the best canvas I saw in my World Tour Exhibitions. Now, don’t give me that look. We are old pals. She gives me a call once in a while. Well, she gave me a phone call in one of her first shows. Now I guess she is busy too, making her canvas better. Though you didn’t appreciate it, she loved the canvas I gifted her. She is so smart, that now she adds colors to other peoples’ canvases. That’s how you turn things around. It has been long since I got a call from her. Well I am sure she remembers me.”

“I know her. Her show is the only thing that kept me going, though you didn’t provide me with what I asked for. She never disappoints me. Though I couldn’t get tickets to her show. If I had I would have never bothered you, I guess. But enough with you, your pals, your business. I appreciate it. But what about me???? I was your pal too. I remembered about you all the time.”

“Then why didn’t you reply my calls or messages? Why did you ignore me? Are never going to listen to me, again?”

“See, I told you about the renovation, you remember? I have to do a lot of work. Your messages, I don’t know why, it just gets redirected to spam. Everything is automated there.” Smiling plainly again, God replied.

“I like your smile. Especially when you have that pretend smile when you makes yourself look like you know nothing.” You continued, “So, now, what should I do? Could you... could you please, please, help me.???”

“You broke my special magic brush. Now, if I were You, I would desperately sit down in a corner going mad or try to tearing down other canvases, still going mad. But since I watch Ellen, thank me, I play by the rule #bekindtooneanother.”

You was getting furious, “Seriously, are you kidding?”

“No, ‘Seriously, I’m kidding’, that’s her book. Good one.” God laughed.

“God please.”

“Okay, okay... I still believe you are special, and though you broke my magic brush which had the spell of my helping hand, guess what, it’s my brand new business expansion coming up- “Helping Hands, instant door-to-door delivery of solutions.” So, I thought since I am at your door, you could be my first customer and so this time you would definitely don’t have to pay. I know every-time I give you specials you don’t seem happy. So now don’t worry. This is the last special offer I am going to give you.

So under the current scenario,” God making a serious face like a CEO of a business organization “ well, if I was here, and I was not You, that means, If I was me, in your place, - and that might have taken place long ago- I would have just smashed up all colors and have had fun doing finger painting. You should go see all those kid videos on doing finger painting. Those kids... they are the most incredible things I have ever seen. Always daring. Thank me, at some point they forget fun and get afraid to dare to do things. Else I would have run out of business, who knows. Alright, then, I would have called that incredible artwork some magnificent name and put it for exhibitions and make money. Say, like, since you have no canvas now, it can be like “the ultimate floor art gallery” and again using those curtains and bit of natural lighting it could be more dramatic. Then, have money. Try buying a new canvas, but it’s getting expensive day by day, so keep on trying until you get it. Better to do something than to be bare.”

You stood amazed and with awe, after a deep pause, tears filled You’s eyes. “Those are some great ideas. Thank you God. Well, first I am trying to fix that magic brush. I certainly know that there will be a glue which can fix it all and you will have some fancy name for it, like Glue of regret or Glue of trying harder or something. Well, definitely, I need that, because I need you. You are the best friend I ever have had, and will be forever.”

“Right, now you are making me emotional too. Come on now. I am a serious business person. I cannot get emotional.” Smiling amused “But, seriously pal, what you should get first is the Glue of Love and Self Respect and fix your heart. Then listen carefully. It might be difficult for you at first. But you will eventually hear it beat. Yes, it does beat. It’s your inner passion that decides the beat to which it will beat.” Pausing, “And maybe because I am now seriously involved in business I can only think in this way. If your inner passion too beats to the way of business try buying more brushes or canvases to provide to those who don’t have. Maybe one day you could be my ambassador down here. But it might take time. For my company’s ambassador will have to learn my company policies and missions and visions, and you know me. I don’t make things easier. Because then I would run out of business” Laughs again.

“So are you telling that there are more magic brushes?”

“Again kid? Do I have to keep repeating every word I spoke? Just keep looking. Change the way you think. It’s all about the perspective.”

You was still looking at God like kids looking at a teacher explaining things that they have never heard before. So of course God felt You needs to be given answers. A child’s curiosity left unanswered may sometimes turn to be the most dangerous scenario or may lead to the most incredibly creative invention. With You, God thought it would be good to give the answers.

“Yes, we do have magic brushes. More and more of them. More and more of those helping hands-magic brushes are of course available. The common thread is that, no matter, whether You pass it down or I do, it will always have my magic spell. If you what the brand names of the brushes too - then the most trending are, Kindness, Compassion, Love and so on. Sometimes they have combinations too. I only deal with authorized brands and authentic retailers.”

“So, that means, I think, I have a lot to do....” You hugging God gratefully, “You have spoken to me like a business tycoon, inspirer, business dealer, but most importantly as a friend in-deed. Thank God, thanks that you are here. Well, good luck on you renovation too whilst I surprise you with some here too.”

“Okay then. You seemed to have got the idea. I think I have already got a long queue of customers waiting. Trust me on this, people now a days get irritated very easily and I hear the consumer laws are getting stronger. So I better hurry. I have some reputation to keep up.”

As they once again walk down the apartment and God books the taxi to the business, You leaves in search of those in need of canvases and magic brushes into another miraculous exhibition hall way ahead. As You leaves, God receives a message, “Save my number, this is my new number. I am not renovating and reestablishing my business. Thanks for the head start, Yours You.”

After a few years, as God was in the flight to a business meeting in the private jet, the pilot gave a message, “God, just look out of the window. You will see the most unique artwork of the year- The Rainbow by You.” Just when God heard the artist’s name, looking out of the window, God was happier than amazed. God smiled, “OH MY YOU”. God definitely knew it could be God’s old pal You, for as You left this time You didn’t leave behind the scraps. You took everything that God gave. But God really didn’t get the idea of how this was done. You didn’t have that much colors. God just messaged You once God got out of the airport. “How did you do this? The Rainbow. Where did you get the colors from? I haven’t heard from you since the last time we met and as I remember it, it wasn’t a good time. But since then I have heard about you and everything was extraordinarily good.” God immediately got the reply. “Next time you are on vacation just check out the Magic Night Sky Exhibition Hall. Look at the ceiling and you will see your dramatic curtains turn into night sky with stars. I worked with many people over these years and learned some magic too. But no one near as good as you in magic. But they were all kind like you. Finally I got colors too. This time no special offers. I earned them. I still am, expanding my color palette.”

God felt proud and replied back, “Well, I told you, You were special and You proved, you are. So, what’s up? What’s the next surprise? Things aren’t going so well for me as now, all have got internet, and everyone has got solutions for everything. So my Solutions for free, isn’t working so much. All everyone needs solution is to, how to get internet and apps totally free!!! Seems like things are getting a bit competitive here. A lots of creative people out there I guess.”

You replied, “I am getting ready for a meeting with a special person. Might become my partner for further endeavors.”

God, “So, who is it? From where? Details please”

You, “It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s not the personal details, it’s the person that matters. It’s not the identity card, it’s the identity that matters.”

“Seems like the world is changing so faster than I expected. I never thought I would hear that answer for ever. Happy to hear a long waited answer. I always thought it’s not only the gadgets that need to get their software updated, sometimes people should get their mindset updated too for a better world.”

“Seems like everyone is getting the idea. Well, I was looking forward to becoming a retailer in your company.”

“Guess what, today is my lucky day, I found a worthy deal in business, I guess- and guess what, I think it’s You. Hoping to meet you ASAP”

“Me tooooooo....”

“Well, Good luck to You”

“All Thanks to God.”

“Meet you at Magic Night Sky Exhibition Hall by evening”

Later that evening on twitter You looked at that tweet by God with a smile.

@ Magic Night Sky Exhibition Hall #You #youarespecial #canvasoflife #crazyyou #offtovaction

You retweeted back, #Thanks #canvasofdreams

[heartkook]

paternal instinct || kim namjoon

Anonymous said: HIII!!! I LOVE YOUR WRITING!!!❤❤ Could you write an imagine where you are supposed to babysit your younger sibling and they also join.? (Plus bts with children is like literally the cutest thing ever😍❤)

Kim Namjoon x reader

Summary: Kids need looking after. Namjoon isn’t ready. 

Genre: fluff

Words: 1817

this is the cutest concept!! bts with kids makes me aaAA

look at this precious baby I love him sm

I paced around the room with the phone to my ear, rolling my eyes at Namjoon who grinned at me from his position on the bed.

“Are you sure there isn’t anyone else? I kind of had plans today.” I sighed exasperatedly over the phone to my sister as she tried to convince me to babysit, despite my plans with my boyfriend.

“I can’t get anyone else at such short notice. Please, do this for me, Y/N.” I heard the stress in her voice and sighed again, rubbing my face and nodding.

“Yeah, okay. Drop them by whenever.” I said resignedly.

“Thank you, thank you… I owe you. I’ll head over now.” I hung up after agreeing and walked over to the bed. Namjoon and I had spent the morning lying in, making the most of his day off, just cuddling and talking. We had planned to have a day just to ourselves, for the first time in a while.

He was lazily scrolling through something on his phone and I crawled next to him, cuddling up to his side and sighing as I thought about how our plans for the day would now have to change.

“What’s up?” He asked, wrapping an arm around me and peering down at my face.

“I have to look after my sister’s kids today Joon, I’m so sorry.” I said quietly, looking up at him to see his frown deepen.

“What, why?” He asked.

“She has to work and can’t find anyone else.” I sighed again. “But it’s okay, I can stay here and look after them. You should still spend your day off doing something fun, why don’t you ring up one of the boys and see if they’re free?” I asked him, trying to stay positive but feeling disappointment fill me at the idea of not spending the day with him.

He chuckled lowly, squeezing me to his side.

“Y/N, I spend every day with them. The whole point of a day off is I get to spend it with you.” He said quietly, and I smiled up at him. “I’ll stay and help. As long as I’m with you, I’m happy.”

I grinned and sat up to gently grab his chin and press a slow kiss to his lips, leaning my body into his.

“You really have a way with words, don’t you?” I murmured against his lips as his hand moved up my back. He smirked back at me, shrugging. I lay back down next to him again, enjoying the peace and quiet whilst I had it.

Soon after that, there was a knock at the door and I sighed, sitting up and looking back at Namjoon.

“Ready?” I asked him grinning, and he smiled nervously at me.

“I’ve never really… been around kids before.” He said, and I rolled my eyes, kissing him lightly before going to answer the door.

“They’re easy – you’ll be fine!” I called, grinning.

Namjoon is not good with kids.

This was established soon after they were dropped off, and I tried to introduce him to them. Namjoon could stand comfortably on a stage in front of hundreds of thousands of people, but two children; a four-year-old and a two-year-old, and I had never seen him so afraid.

I stifled a laugh as he awkwardly waved at the smaller one and flinched back when her hand flailed out to him, giggling.

“Hello!” The eldest boy clung to my leg when Joon accidentally shouted a greeting at him a bit too forcefully, and my eyes widened.

“Joon…” I giggled, surprised, and his own eyebrows raised at how his voice had come out.

“I didn’t mean to…” He lowered his body to see the boy, his face falling when he hid further behind me. “I’m… sorry.” He shifted awkwardly, looking between the two children and biting his lip. I sighed, taking pity on him, and took over.

"Who wants to play hide and seek?” I asked excitedly, bending down. They squealed, nodding. I gave my boyfriend the easy task of hiding, meeting his eyes with a grin as he walked off uncertainly. Apparently, it wasn’t easy enough.

“Namjoon, they’re toddlers, they would never have been able to find you here.” I sighed, looking at him through the small gap he had somehow managed to squeeze into. In between a cupboard and the curtain, he was completely invisible, and after almost half an hour of the kids trying to find him, they had grown irritated. I had been forced to step in.

He frowned, pushing himself out into the room. “But the whole point is to hide - we were playing hide and seek.” The genuine confusion on his face was endearing.

“Yeah, with a two and four-year-old, Joon. You’re supposed to, you know, make it easy and fun for them.” I explained, baffled at look of confusion still written across his face. I laughed, shaking my head. “You really haven’t been around kids before, have you?”

He looked down embarrassedly, scratching the back of his head. I sighed, hearing the children begin to shout downstairs.

“It’s okay. Let’s try something else.”

We set up a video game and began racing with them. I sat the youngest on my lap, showing her how to hold the remote and letting her think she was playing, grinning as squeals of laughter began to leave both of their lips.

“Want to play?” I asked Namjoon after the game had finished, smiling playfully at him. He stood up, eager to please the children, and took the remote from me. I watched hopefully from the side, bouncing the girl in my lap.

Surely he couldn’t get this wrong.

“It’s okay, shh.” I winced at the piercing screams of the four-year-old boy who had just lost the game six times in a row to my boyfriend. I guess I should have explained that he was supposed to go easy on him.

I met Namjoon’s apologetic eyes over the girl still sitting on my lap, giving him an unamused look as I tried to calm down the snivelling boy clinging to my leg. He reached out a hand uncomfortably to the boy, before drawing it back uncertainly, frowning.

“Okay, I’m going to take him to calm down.” I sighed, standing up. “Watch her?” I asked pleadingly. He gave me a frantic look, shaking his head.

“Just for a few minutes, Joon, please.” I begged, grimacing at the cries from below me. I gently placed the girl in Namjoon’s lap, making sure he had her, before turning and picking up the boy. I shushed him quietly, rubbing his back and carrying him into kitchen.

After what felt like hours of calming down the boy, telling him how clever he was and bribing him with food until he stopped crying, he finally lost energy. I picked him up tiredly, letting him rest his head on my shoulder sleepily.

Slowly walking back to the living room, I stopped in the doorway. I felt my heart soar at the sight before me.

In the time I had been absent, Namjoon had clearly found his confidence again. He was lying down on his back on the sofa, holding the little girl above him, swaying her from side to side and making stupid faces at her. She giggled, and his face spread into a beautiful smile as he brought her back down to rest on his chest. She wriggled on him, pushing herself up to grab his face. I was surprised at the smile that continued to light up his face as he gently took her tiny hands in his, letting her wrap her fingers around his much larger ones.

I found my own cheeks were aching with how wide I was smiling. I moved further into the room slowly.

“Is he okay now?” Namjoon noticed me come in, glancing with concern at the boy now asleep in my arms. I smiled at him, sitting down carefully.

“He’s okay.” I whispered, running my hand through the boy’s hair softly. “Just tired.”

“Yeah, I think she is too.” Namjoon gestured down to the girl now nestled along the side of his long body. Her eyes were beginning to shut. “Are you tired, baby?”

At first I thought he was talking to me, but then I saw the way he was staring down adoringly at the girl cuddled up to him, his arm cradling her body to his. I smiled again, feeling something heat up in my chest at the way he behaved with her.

“Can you come here?” I whispered, and he looked up, smiling at me. He gently lifted up the girl’s body, sitting up and coming closer to me, before placing her back on him, cooing as she whined at the disturbance. I sighed contentedly, watching as Namjoon softly stroked the girl’s hair, smiling at her sleepy face.

“Do you think we could do this?” He asked quietly, after a moment of silence. I lifted my head to look at him. “Have kids, I mean.” I didn’t say anything for a moment, watching carefully as he met my eyes, his gaze uncertain but a smile still playing on his lips.

I answered him by leaning up and pressing my lips against his, making sure not to move too much so I wouldn’t wake up either of the children. His eyelashes fluttered against my cheekbone when he pulled away, shakily breathing out.

“Well,” I joked in a whisper, “your understanding of children might have to improve first.” He chuckled, rolling his eyes, and I giggled quietly, pressing my lips against his quickly again. “But I think we could do it.”

The smile that pushed his cheekbones up and reached his eyes, making them shrink and light up with delight was enough to make me kiss him again.

“I want to.” I whispered. “With you.” He held my gaze carefully, glancing down to the girl sleeping on his chest, and then back to me.

“Me too.”

My eyes grew heavy with the warmth of the bodies surrounding me. I closed them and let my head rest against Namjoon’s shoulder, no doubt in my mind that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

That’s where my sister found the four of us when she let herself in to pick the kids up. We were curled up on the sofa, in the dim light, the sun having set, all fast asleep.

The look on Namjoon’s face when he said goodbye to the little girl was precious, and heart-breaking. He brushed her cheek as if she was made of china, giving her the sweetest smile and telling her he promised he’d visit soon.

I took his hand as they left, feeling him sigh as he watched the parents carry the kids off. One day that will be us, I thought to myself, squeezing his hand, one day.

masterlist

[tumblunni]

auuuugh me toothe aweweweweh goddamn 5 month waiting list for ‘non emergency’ treatment i know its my own fault tho cos i said to flag it as non emergency, cos i can’t have general anesthetic unless i go on the 5 month waiting list and this tooth thing is just in SUCH a bad place that i dont think i would be able to go thru the operation if i wasnt unconcious. im so scared of shaking or twitching from fear and then the drill will go into the back of my throat and i’ll choke on my own blood. cos its like not even the furthest back tooth but an even further tooth thats halfway jammed into the side of my mouth its like a dam of teeth thats started overflowing WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MY MOUTH seriously i have no idea how ive somehow got two wisdom teeth in the same spot, apaprantly?? or one really mutated one?? and like i’ve had my back tooth fall out three times in this same spot, i thought you were only meant to get two sets of teeth. do i just have some sort of shark syndrome where i keep growing new teeth forever, but they refuse to fall out so they all just smoosh into one giant horror mass and god i think this is the cause of my thing where i cant lean my head backwards without getting super dizzy and stabbing pain. like there’s now pain on the BOTTOM of my jaw, and when i press it it seems like a hard lump extending down lower than the jaw on the other side. i think the tooth abomination has grown downwards so far its gonna stab out of my chin! like how many more teeth are in there!! what the fuck!!! and its so annoying cos its now hurting a LOT more after i pierced the creepy as fuck flesh cocoon that was wrapped around the tooth abomination. like there was just a huge lumpy bit in my jaw and i thought it was swollen or a tumour or something but it turns out it was a tooth that pushed its way up without piercing the skin, somehow. so imagine me sobbing and crying while taking a knife to this INTENSELY SORE gum that already hurt just from touching my slightest pinky finger to it. but it felt way better after ripping off that top layer of skin, now the tooth is free to move upwards and hopefully HOPEFULLY fall out. PLEASE. please just fall out. but also like the biggest pain came from the pieces of gum that are flattened to like 0.1 milimetres thick while not cutting. this is why herbivore teeth are infinated more terrifying on monster designs! it hurts so much more to get crushed to pieces instead of chopped up. but man it sucks the most when its doing it to YOUR OWN DAMN FACE because your teeth are so damn sturdy they just wont fall out when theyre clearly rotten and broken and horrifying. noooo instead they just smoosh together and fuse into an even more rooted abomination and stab holes in your mouth AAAAA so yeah there’s two bits where the gum in between the two teeth was squished into a super bruised mess and i can tell that cutting open that other gum part was good because like.. it hurts way more there. the squished gum bits are getting their sensation back and they’ve expanded to around half a centimetre wide so the tooth is definately actually moving now! it just sucks that it hurts more than before now cos all this bruising has been brought to the surface anyway AAAA sorry for vent ramble of gross teeth stuff i have an appointment with my support worker tomorrow so i can ask her again if we can call the dentist and check up. the worst part of all of this is that i have NO IDEA how long the wait is gonna be, so i dunno if its normal to wait five months or like.. my application got lost in the mail or something and i’ll be waiting forever :/