#ALL KIDS GO THROUGH THE PLAY PRETEND TO BE SOMETHING ELSE (LIKE A CAT) PHASE

[stellarremnant]

will never understand people who care more about others' gender identity than billionaires actively destroying the economy

[antisociallilbrat]

Losers Hc's

I have so many personal Loser Hc's that just live in my head and I just want to share them. I wanna put them somewhere so I'm putting them here. Some hints of Poly Losers

Ben

He has a peanut allergy, idk why, it's the vibes

Until he met Bev his wardrobe consisted of nerdy t-shirts with awful puns. You know what I'm talking about.

Secretly loves Twilight (him and Richie watch it together)

His favorite drink is lemonade, iykyk

Keeps fish! Like really big aquarium set ups and he actually designs some of the decor. Can't keep any aquarium plants alive tho

Mike

loves the smell of cashmere and just collects candles in general

I've mentioned picnics with him before (the ones he takes with Bev and Eddie) but he also likes to make little finger sandwiches and wears fancy sun hats on said picnics

hates the taste of olives, my man is anti olives

bringing this up again, but he had a stuff tigger as a kid and when he's an adult he keeps it in a shadow box

also he's a bit of a technophobe, he had a flip phone until the Losers literally made him upgrade, it was difficult for group texts

Eddie

red shorts this, red shorts that, consider him wearing overalls! He has a whole collection for every kind of weather and they're adorble

not much of a gamer but went through a really intense minecraft stage, the other losers refused to play with him

he loves traveling. Sonia never allowed him to go anywhere so as an adult he goes everywhere. Constantly taking trips and planning the next place to explore. Also he tries to travel with the Losers if they're going somewhere for work. Richie to L.A., Bill to London, Bev to Italy for fashion shows

secret huge ya novels nerd (don't tell Bill)

he's really into fancy coffee. Has an espresso machine in the kitchen and tries to make little designs in the foam and is constantly watching aesthetic coffee videos

Richie

pretends to like horror movies but is actually baby, he covers his eyes the whole time

He owned a ferret, his name was Todd. Eddie and Stan pretended to hate it but the creature grew on them

allergic to cats, cue the ferret, his skin will break out in hives if he's near one, but he doesn't care. He will pet that cat and the others Losers have to stop him

LOVES Futurama, he has a tattoo of Bender on his ass

Actually enjoys doing yard work. His mind is constantly going but when he's doing yard work, running the weed wacker or the lawn mowers, he can't hear himself think. Or if he's raking leaves or cutting bushes, his mind is too zeroed in on his task. It's strangely therapeutic for him

Bill

constantly has ink on his hands, from drawing or his typewriter, it's always there

had adult braces, IK I've said this before but I'm very passionate about 20 year old something Bill with a full set of braces. Yes I had adult braces too, why do you ask?

Sticks his tongue out when he's really focused on something and gets a wrinkle between his brows

he is dumbest smart person you will ever meet. He is an idiot. Everyone thinks he's supposed to be smart bc he's a best selling author but no, this man will try to pry something open with a knife with his face too close to said knife. He has no self preservation instincts, it's only bc of the Losers he's made it this far

has a weird obsession with Cherry Coke

Bev

again, i've said this before, but Bev always wanted a pet and she can't give the emotional care a cat, dog, rat, ect needs so she keeps reptiles. They're really cool and besides their basic care, they don't need anything else from Bev, they're perfectly content to be watched by her on the other side of the tank

speaking of that, her favorite reptile are geckos and she's actually based a couple her designs on their patterns

went through a phase where all she did was play the Sims. She was obsessed. The losers would go to bed while she was playing and wake up and she was still playing it. Yes this overlapped with Eddie's minecraft phase.

believes in Bigfoot. Like for real.

complete roller coaster fanatic, loves going to amusement parks to ride the most extreme roller coasters

Stan

has a deep passion for the Law & Order shows, they're his guilty pleasures

had a mental breakdown in his twenties and dyed his hair blue. The others losers where surprised and yes Stan regretted it. It was Impossible to get out and he basically just had to grow it out

believe it or not he is a horrible driver. He insists he's a great driver but the other losers refuse to ride with him. He doesn't get it. It's not like he's hit multiple curbs and gets massive road rage

he is constantly cold, over half the sweaters in the house belong to him and he's always under the blanket when watching tv. His cuddles are rare but during winter with no hesitation he will snuggle up under the human space heaters (Richie, Ben, and Mike)

he gardens! Has a rose garden out front with a bird bath and feeder. hates dirt though so when he's out there he has gloves and a little garden apron on

I have more too

[takecareluv]

vinnie and reader who have been together since highschool

a.n. i love love love this concept <3 there's something about best friends to lovers that will always have my heart. i hope you enjoy !!!! 🫶🏼☺️

childhood sweethearts || vinnie hacker x reader

you and vinnie knew each other your whole lives, having grown up next door to each other in seattle. you quickly became best friends from the time you could talk, and since then have not spent much time apart.

at age four, you were running around the playground together, racing up and down the slides and taking turns pushing each other on the swings. 

at age six, you were constantly forcing vinnie to play the prince to your princess, putting together pretend tea parties and balls as a result of your big fairytale phase. in return, he would make you play superheroes with him. you would always dress up as cat woman, while he pretended to be spiderman, fighting crime all over your local park. 

you two always had combined birthday parties each year, being that your birthday’s were only a week apart. most kids would have complained about having to share the attention on their special day, but you guys loved it, thinking it was the coolest thing having your birthdays so close to each other. your mom’s would work together to coordinate a party you both would enjoy. whether it was pirates and mermaids, or barbies and whatever action figures vinnie was obsessed with that year. 

when you reached twelve years old, you both would beg your parents to drive you to the mall so you could meet up with your friends at the food court, annoying the workers handing out samples, and getting starbucks drinks. you would walk around the stores, thinking you looked so grown up, while never having enough money to buy anything and giggling when you entered victoria’s secret or spencer’s. 

everyone around you, your mother's especially for that matter, knew you two were destined to fall in love. when you were younger, you always shook them off, grossed out by the idea of dating any boy, let alone vinnie. but as you got older, and cooties turned to crushes, you slowly understood what they were talking about.

you couldn't deny vinnie was extremely handsome, braces and all. not mention always so kind and protective over you, something most other boys in your class were the entire opposite of. by the time you entered high school at the age of fourteen, you found yourself completely in love with your best friend since diapers.

you never thought he could like you back, i mean he was a complete catch, and you were well, you. in your mind he could never think of you as anything more than a sister.

but you were soon proven wrong when he asked you to be his date to the freshmen formal, where you danced together the whole time, and finished the night by sharing your first kiss. 

since that magical night, you and vinnie continued to share more firsts and other special moments together that you would never forget. 

-- 

by the time you graduated, you had been dating for more than three years. while some thought you were adorable together, others thought it would never last past high school, like most other teenage relationships. 

but you and vinnie were different. he was your twin flame. nothing could compare to the love you had for that boy. you couldn’t see yourself doing life with anyone else. 

so when he asked you to go out to l.a. with him after graduation, you packed your bags and bought a plane ticket. 

when he asked you to help him in pursuing his dreams, you were right by his side, never leaving him through all the hate and criticism he received. 

when you asked him to support you in your own dreams, he did the same as you, sticking by your side and aiding you in whatever way you needed. 

when you asked him to move out of the hype house and into your own little apartment, he was quick to let thomas he wouldn’t be living there anymore. 

and when he finally asked you to marry him, you of course said yes. 

from the puppy love you shared as kids, to the intimate relationship that blossomed as adults, you and vinnie were in it together for life. he was your soulmate, and you were his. and that certainty only grew as the years went on and you fell more and more in love. 

[misterewrites]

Threads of Fate 2: Electric Boogaloo (Jason Todd X reader)

Hello everyone, E here with another story! this time it’s part 2 for the story i wrote for my good friend @hains-mae last year for her birthday! so naturally it’s her birthday again cuz that’s how they work! Red Hoodie X reader. I hope you all have an amazing week. I will be trying to write my original story and post it sometime this/next week but we’ll see what happens. Stay safe, take care of yourself, for the love of all that is holy stay inside! wear masks! PLEASE! GET THE FLIPPING VACCINE IF YOU CAN!

E out, byeeeeeee! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAE!

Here’s both parts conveniently in one place for you (cuz tumblr hates me and my tags)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29955270/chapters/73737858

“Romeo and Juliet? You’re so cliché that troupes are rolling their eyes at you.”

I shoot him a dirty glare “Says the guy that has Pride and Prejudice in his jacket pocket. Yeah yeah” I cut him off before he begins to throw out excuses “I know you say it’s thick enough to stop bullets but you’re not fooling me. You love some classic romance.”

“You’re no Lizzy Bennet” he grumbles behind his mask.

“And you no Mr. Darcy yet I tolerate you all the same.”

“It’s for my charming personality.”

“Certainly not for your face.” I playfully throw back “Smooth, featureless and red isn’t exactly my type.”

“I’m surprise you have a type given your lack of taste in books.”

I roll my eyes “Oh great now the former crime lord is giving me crap about my tastes in book.”

He rose his hands in surrender “Hey, that was my edgy phase.”

“Was? You’re still dressing like a goon from indie action film.”

“You kidding? Goons wish they looked this good.”

“I don’t think any respectable goon would shop at the thrift store.”

“Low blow. Low blow.”

I give the costumed vigilante a sideways smile as we settle into a comfortable silence.

It’s been about two years since Red Hood decided to intrude my quiet life (well as quiet as life could be in Gotham) and we have developed this strange friendship.

Every moment he wasn’t on patrol or at a briefing (coughfamilymeetingcough) he spent here. At first, I thought it was just him checking up on me like some overburdening mother worried their child couldn’t handle a minute in the backyard but I soon realized this became some sort of haven for him, a place for him to just exist. Not quite relax and let his guard down but just to be. No appearances of brutality to keep up, no disappointed glances from his estranged father figure. Just him picking on me because he’s a jerk.

But then again so am I.

I nervously glance at the red string tied snugly around my finger. It pulled off to the side though not too much further from me as its other end was wrapped around Red’s finger.

Strings of fate mom used to call it. My power to see the threads of destiny tying two people deeply together. At first I thought it was love or something junk like that but now I’m thinking maybe it just leads you to someone you need and someone that needs you back.

Or maybe it is love, what do I know? All I know about my power is it makes walking the streets harder than it needs to be. Ever see those old pictures of cities with powerlines just in every freaking direction? The strings are at least ten times worse than that! Luckily they’re not real? Well more an abstract concept that I see and not physical and you know what don’t worry about it.

“So” Red spoke up after a moment “Hungry?”

“After you insulting my taste in books?” I gave a fake pout “Starving. Oh shoot, I forgot to go to the store.”

Red chuckled “You didn’t forget, Penguin decided to try to extort it for protection money.”

“Oh” I blush in embarrassment “Right.”

“And you fell back asleep.”

I waved him off “Sometimes you just wake up, see the news and decide it’s not worth it.”

“I never get to sleep in.” Red rose to his feet “but honestly I’ve always had trouble sleeping.”

The nightmares. He mentioned it once in an off hand comment when he asked me why I toss and turn at loud noises. Gotham just does that too you. Eventually you learn to get ready to bolt at any loud noises over 190 decibels. Fun fact, that’s the noise level of a shotgun fired by your ear or a rocket taking off.

Or Joker laughing on the roof of your apartment building. Let me tell you, nothing’s louder than that madman. Thunder sounds like cats and dogs once you hear the Joker’s manic chuckle just a few feet away from you. One time years ago and I can still feel the chills run down my back whenever I think of it.

“So are you going to order pizza or what?” I asked quizzically “Since you’re aware I don’t have any in the fridge.”

I could practically hear the sarcasm dripping in every word out of his mouth as he held a bag of groceries aloft “I was trained by Batman. I’m always prepared.”  

Batman. Whatever his relationship with the dark knight currently is, he always spoke of him with a soft, gentle voice. A quiet pride that out of everyone in the world, the Bat chose him. But with that pride was a hint of shame. Everyone knew Red Hood hadn’t exactly made it easy on the old bat and while Hoodie was changing his ways, there was still some friction between them.

I didn’t say anything though. No point. He knew where he stood with his father figure and bringing it up would just make him sully. Besides I was way too curious to know how good of a cook he was.

I marveled in an awe silence as he expertly placed the various ingredients across my messy counter. He chuckled to himself as he cleared it to make space for dinner. I could feel my cheeks burn.

Watching him was oddly mesmerizing: His movements were precise yet graceful for someone with his build. He glided across the floor effortlessly, smoothly dicing whatever he brought one moment then by the time I blinked, he was warming up the frying pan by the stove.  

Soon an incredible smell filled the air while the sizzling of meat practically had me drooling.

“Your chin.” Red motioned to my lip with a spatula. I brought up my hand and flinched at how moist it was. Okay so it was drool. Sue me! You’d be drooling too if you had to deal with waiting for whatever heavenly meal he was cooking, okay?

Desperate to change the subject, I piped up “Should be I concern how well you handle that knife?”

He gave a casual wave with said instrument  “I hold the power of destruction and creation in my hand.”

I raised an eyebrow at him.

Red coughed loudly “I’ve trained with various weapons knives included. You’d be surprised how much overlap happens between cooking and weapons handling.”

“Right. Sure. That’s a totally normal statement.”

“What about me” He gestured to himself “Is normal?”

“Fair point.” I conceded.

-----

“Am I forgiven?”

I grumbled a half answer as I tried not to let on how delicious this meal was. I don’t make the best money and let me tell you before this the fanciest thing I ever ate was some overpriced pasta from some restaurant chain.  This easily beat anything I have ever tasted except mom’s cooking but I hadn’t had that in years.

Red snorted, his voice smooth and melodic not filtered through some robotic alternation. I didn’t really had a dining room or a dinner table so we sat comfortably on my couch, tv playing some nonsense in the background as we both took in the sight of the city beyond my modest window. The lower part of his mask retracted backwards via some kind of high tech witchcraft and allowed him to eat his food without needing to show the rest of his handsome face.

I mean I think it was handsome. I assumed it was handsome given I accidentally figured out who was under the whole persona he set up for himself. I never told him that I knew though I suspect he knew that I figured it out. He was smart even if he acted like an idiot and it really was for the best. Plausible deniability. If I never asked, he never needed to answer.

“You know if you want me to cook again, you need to forgive me. Otherwise I’m not gonna waste my time anymore.” Red threatened with a tease.

I let out an exasperated groan “Fine, fine! It’s good. It’s the best food I’ve ever had! Is that what you want to hear?”

“Naturally. Though I could never compete with Alfred. He has no equal in the kitchen. Better than my brothers though. They can’t cook to save their lives. Tim practically lives on fast food.”

I stopped shoving food into my maw as an icy chill ran through my body. The comfy silence that filled my humble apartment turned tense.

One of those names I could pretend away: Tim? Alfred? Every day common names. But together? Tim AND Alfred. Everyone knew every member of the Wayne family because they were the only rich family in Gotham who didn’t want to screw everyone else over. And he brought up his brothers. That was the final nail in the coffin.

I put down my fork slowly. I could feel myself breath heavily but I refused to see him. I refused to meet his mask with nothing but my own shocked reflection to look back at me.

“I know you know who I am.” He said simply.

I could feel the syrupy urge to look at him ebbing at my resolve.

I swallowed uneasily “What now? What happens to me?”

‘Us’ I left unasked.

Silence.

“I don’t know”

I tried to calm my breathing but I could feel panic grip at me: Does this mean he’s not going to come anymore? Does this mean I have to go into witness protection? Is Batman going to scold me?!

“But I want to.”

I couldn’t help myself. I turned to him and for one of the few times in my life I was left speechless.

I was not staring at Red Hood. I found myself not looking at the smooth, featureless mask I had grown accustom to these last two years but Jason Todd.

Out of all of Bruce Wayne’s children, Jason was the one who seemed to just fall off the face of the Earth. There was a rumor he had died a few years back but those were debunked when he appeared without warning, just walking the streets of Gotham like he went on an extended vacation.

There wasn’t too many pictures of the enigmatic Mister Todd but that quick glance I had gotten forever ago did not do him justice: He was my age. His eyes were a piercing blue that I did not know could be that shade. I know it’s cliché but I felt like he was staring directly into my soul. His face was rugged, rough but still handsome. His hair was a messy jet black but there was few streaks of white that looked too natural to be dyed.

“I….didn’t see anything?” I offered helpfully, giving him a chance to put the mask on and pretend this none of this ever happened.

His nose wrinkled as he gave me a playful scoff. I could feel my heartbeat roaring in my ears.

“I’m not that ugly. Better looking than Dick.” he joked playfully.

“I dunno. Dick’s got the better ass.” I mumbled out, still too caught guard from the whole reveal.

“But I got the muscles.”

“Yes you do.” I eyed his body carefully then flushed a bright pink.

That knocked me out of my stupor.

“Are you sure you want me to know?” I whispered, unable to keep the fear out of my voice “I mean I didn’t mind pretending I didn’t know.”

“I do.”

His face soften and for a moment he didn’t look like Jason Todd, wayward son of Bruce Wayne or the Red Hood, moral gray compress of the batfam.

He just look like a regular guy who needed someone.

Evidently me it seemed.

I took a calming breath and offered my hand. He stared at me like I’m crazy but I kept it outstretched.

He took it gingerly and shook carefully, still unsure what was going on.

“Hello Jason Todd.” I beamed cheerfully “It’s nice to meet you!”

He said nothing, instead opting to smile softly.

“Nice to meet you too.”

I stared at the metaphysical string that tied us so neatly together.

I have never seen it that red before. And has it always been that thick?

I wonder what that means.

Eh, it’s probably nothing. I had other things to worry about.

[sinkix]

- What your fav Haikyuu!! Character says about you│Karasuno edition -

Obviously these aren’t meant to be taken too seriously lol. I’ll probably make this into a series at some point where I include the other teams idk this took me way too long to do JWIDJQENWKJQFN WE’LL SEE. ENJOY! <3

2D men are infinitely superior I said what I said.

Hinata: 

A sucker for motivational speeches or quotes and they always get you hyped up.

Very ambitious and positive despite frequently getting lost in life

Not as innocent as you seem but still a cinnamon roll lololol

You probably eat fruit as a regular snack n ppl judge you for it

Highkey a dumbass but in a very endearing way so people can’t help but like you

Summer is probs ur fave season

Definitely own several plushies and definitely get defensive about it

The friend people go to when they need cheering up.

You either go to bed at 8pm or 3am no in between.

Your texting style consists of several messages as opposed to one paragraph/sentence with the use of MANY emojis.

You 100% fuck with pineapple on pizza. 

Got your head stuck in a cat flap that one time.

Have a hella low alcohol tolerance or don’t drink at all.

Hella clueless when it comes to people flirting with you, they have to hold a neon sign in front of you for you to get the message

“Oh you were flirting with me?” “I was every day for 5 months but thanks for finally noticing”

Definition of a tab hoarder, your pc/laptop frequently crashes because it can’t handle that many but you refuse to get rid of any.

Always get toothpaste stains on your shirt no matter how careful you are.

“Wait we had homework???”

Nishinoya:

You often get random bursts of energy outta nowhere or at 2am and have no clue how to handle it 

You can’t help but head bang and scream the lyrics to your fav songs.

Probably have a hella diverse music taste.

Likely an active/outdoorsy person who either does sports or wants to.

Vvv loyal, type of friend you can call in the middle of the night and you’ll be there.

Chaotic good or Chaotic neutral.

You’re either one of the most responsible people in the room or one of the most fuckin chaotic and irresponsible lmao no in between it just depends on your mood.

Frequently pull all nighter’s and doesn’t even feel guilty about it

Chug soda like it’s water.

An extrovert or one of those introverts that are bat-shit once you actually get to know them.

You have zero shame, can and will run across the street stark naked for a cheeseburger and a can of sprite.

Like fuck yeah who wouldn’t for a burger and some sprite y’know??

Despite being a whirlwind you are actually a hella chill person to have as company.

You own a skateboard or want to.

Own at least one pair of converses or vans.

Probably have a bucket list or tons of future plans for travelling/adventures stored in your head.

You really want a dog and would call it something like Dexter or Human Destroyer 9000.

Likely have had several hair colour phases.

A slut for doritos.

You ate glue once as a kid and it was kinda okay and that fact still haunts you.

Tanaka:

Listen to rap more than any other genre and ur playlist is fire

Punched dry wall that one time

Probably have several piercings and plan on getting more

Prefer sports bras to regular ones.

Intimidates outsiders but your friends don’t take you seriously in the slightest lmaoaoaooa

Ppl find it hard to approach you but you’re actually super chill so you get sad 

Definition of that Kanye meme “before you talk to me” >:( “after you talk to me” :)

Probably don’t trust people easily

Type of person that once you’re challenged/dared to do something they WILL do it regardless of how stupid bc you hate being called a pussy.

Went through a phase where you only listened to Eminem.

Probably is/was the class clown or wished they were.

You have virtually no patience and a pretty short temper lmao.

You’re a go-getter and hate being told you can’t do something

Definitely snuck out the house several times as a teen.

Walks barefoot outside a lot bc fuck shoes lol

The pairs of shoes you do own are mostly worn down sneakers you refuse to swap out.

You’re that asshole that wears socks with holes in for the sport of it and it doesn’t phase you in the slightest. (dw I do too lmaooao)

Could probably bench press someone’s dad

Enjoy’s drinking coffee.

Kageyama:

Such a picky eater bitch god damn.

Usually hella hydrated and judge people that don’t drink enough water.

Eats spoonfuls of chocolate nesquik powder when no one is looking I said what I said

You like stoic and Tsundere guys who have the outer emotional capacity of a brick wall.

You’re probably the same in that sense and don’t enjoy letting people know what you’re thinking/feeling

Poker face 90% of the time

Type of person to pretend not to find a joke funny but then crumble and start crying with laughter.

Probs an introvert

Once when someone asked you what you wanted for Christmas you responded “to be left the fuck alone” and it still applies to this day.

like fr you just wanna be left alone man but ppl keep bothering you.

You HATE it when people tell you to smile and quite literally take it as an insult.

Your bedtime is 9pm and you stick by it religiously 

Always smell really good like damn what you got on??

The most you do with your hair if it’s long enough is throw it in a pony tail and call it a day.

Either have really nicely manicured nails or you’v chewed them down to the nub no in between.

You hate to admit it but you doubt yourself a lot and it really frustrates you.

Probably wet the bed a lot as a kid and you’re still salty about it.

lololol bed-wetter Kags lover

Audibly snorted typing that I’m sorry.

Probably had a ._. face reading that since ur usually hella unamused.

Cute awkward dork though behind that facade it’s just most people don’t see it.

So critical of yourself like chill

An earth sign or an Aquarius idc.

Do not know how to reciprocate a hug but desperately need one

When people flirt with you you somehow manage to make them intimidated with your responses and scare them off.

You called your teacher “mum/dad” once and you get Vietnam flashbacks to this day.

Daichi:

You probably have a daddy kink and lowkey daddy issues with it

Very supportive friend who has a lotta patience

Hella determined and humble.

Mostly wear black because it’s just much easier than colour coordinating and plus you just prefer the simplicity, but you’re pretty vibrant as a person.

The one who stays sober at parties to drive the others home.

Probably haven’t been in many relationships but still do enjoy romance.

seems stern but is actually very friendly and enjoy company bc you don’t like spending too much time by yourself.

Honestly just wants to chill out, go to bed and read a book.

A coffee connessieur but mostly just drinks instant bc ur too lazy to make it properly and just drink it black.

Very reliable.

Often get stuck with most of the work during group projects lololol

People frequently ask you for the answers to the homework/assignment and it really depends on your mood and how charitable you’re feeling as to whether you’ll lend it to them

Low-key a sadist.

100% Old soul

Despite this you are a fuckin dork and have quite an immature but really funny sense of humour.

You have a thigh kink. 

Def grew up reading wattpad smut and most of ur sexual knowledge stems from that

probably prefer manga to animated versions

Absolute pro at winged eyeliner and looks v good in it.

Probably give lectures even without realising it.

Shamelessly watches the nature channel for hours on end and what of it.

Honestly just done with everyone’s shit lmao

Sugawara:

Either are the mom friend or the one the mom friend has to look after.

You vibe with pastel colours

Your fav season is either spring or autumn.

oversized hoodies and knitted sweaters are your vibe.

Enjoy drinking herbal tea

Likes the smell of rain and will purposely step outside after a storm and S N O R T the smell of damp concrete. (srry if ur from some dry ass place like nevada lmao it rains alot in the UK soooOOOoO)

Quiet but have a really creative imagination and has one HELL of a loud voice when they’re pissed off

like,, I wouldn’t dare get on ur nerves ion want my ear drums bursting damn.

Hoards flavoured chapsticks and scented lip gloss

Either did or still have your Harry Potter house in your bio and it was probably Hufflepuff.

Gives people advice that they are fully aware also applies to themselves but doesn’t follow it LMAO.

Listens to K-pop and several Korean and Japanese genres.

Played a dating sim once and you enjoyed it but ur still ashamed and refuse to ever talk about it.

Smells like lavender or something hella floral

Probably reads a lot of Yaoi and no one else knows but you.

Would 100% own a chinchilla

Read Killing Stalking and it messed you up for weeks.

Asahi:

The one who was trying to flirt for months and the other person never got the hint

Probably a really pretty crier and vibe with the mascara running aesthetic.

You tear up easily lol.

Probably a water sign.

Low-key a bad bitch though 

Looks really good in red lipstick

That one person who’s v attractive but completely unaware and v insecure.

That one friend who seems so soft and innocent but can turn into a banshee when need be.

Crying is your therapy.

You overthink a LOT and it often stops you from achieving what you want.

Actually have a lot of willpower despite ur sensitivity.

Was def a pushover as a kid and still have a chip on your shoulder about it.

Hella artsy and day dreams a lot.

You attract broken souls and often get turned to when people’s problems need fixing yet you’re a total mess yourself

Listens to Girl in red while questioning your sexuality

which you do a lot.

You hate being put in a box or labelled.

Gave up on that hobby that one time and you really wanna get back into it.

Always have at least one hair tie on your wrist that’s basically an accessory at this point.

Own a phat ass fish tank with hella pretty fishes bro it’s such a vibe say hi to Nemo for me.

Yamaguchi:

Too scared to ask for extra ketchup packets so you get your friend to ask instead.

Probably have anxiety.

The time you stuttered once when introducing yourself frequently gives you cringe attacks.

Major animal lover and prefers them to people.

Talked to a tree once and it was a pretty cool experience.

Wear a lot of pink or cute colours and radiate babi energy.

Likely wear skirts 

Wear those aesthetic planets necklaces and your tumblr is filled with space related art and themes.

Enjoy staring up at the clouds and figuring out what animal they are.

Has a lot of secrets that they probably tell to their cat.

dw ur cat isn’t a snitch they got you covered.

“meow”

yeah they definitely didn’t just try to reveal ur deepest traumas to your cousin.

If you don’t have a cat you probably would want one and would call it Mittens or sumn.

You’re whipped for freckles and anyone that has them instantly becomes 1000x more attractive to you

Either like 5′2″ or 5′10″ no middle ground

Definitely own a turtle or rabbit and if you don’t then you should.

Forgets your assignments but the professor lets you off because you’re so nervous they can’t scold you.

Oversleeps at least 2 times a week

Will not get up before 1pm on a weekend

Wall flower at parties but people still approach you bc you are so friendly and kind.

Social anxiety intensifies.

Always get’s called on in class when you haven’t been paying attention and it really troubles you.

Has a minimum of 3 blankets on your bed that you cocoon yourself in.

Tsukishima:

Your attracted to snarky assholes.

Sarcasm and insults are your form of flirtation and you get immediately turned off if they can’t take it or get upset.

Probably shy away from your feelings

Random flashbacks to embarrassing events frequently keep you up at night

Judge peoples fashion choices as they walk past you but actually have a really good eye for what works and what doesn’t.

You look like you have your shit together and you kinda do for the most part.

The quiet kid in class that’s listening to some loud ass screamo or rock n roll’ but ppl have no idea.

Definition of the glinting anime glasses pushed up your nose bridge cliche.

When you make a mistake you question all your knowledge and abilities but no one else knows that about you

Refuses to cry since you view your emotions as a personal weakness

If someone hugged you you’d get VERY uncomfortable.

Physical contact is not your forte

Probably a 5′0″ demon.

Would peg a man to assert dominance but you’re actually a lil bitch.

Knows the answer to the question they can’t solve.

Doesn’t study as much as they should but somehow still gets good grades.

Really likes french fries and the taste of strawberries.

Just wants to be left alone

Ennoshita:

The one friend that gets talked over and it really pisses you off but you’re too nice to say anything.

Seems really passive but can actually be hella confrontational when they wanna be

No tolerance for peoples bullshit 

Really stable and just an overall reliable person.

People often forget you’re in the room lmao but it’s okay you’d rather listen anyway.

Actually has a really interesting mind and a lot to say but mostly keep it to yourself unless they’re your friend

Answered for someone else in attendance a few years ago and it still bothers you.

People often come to you to vent and you’re chill with it

Don’t stand out much but honestly it doesn’t bother you

Can and will get through an entire book/series in a matter of 3 days.

Quite a minimalist and organised for the most part

You look like you have your shit together and you def do.

Have a controversial taste in pizza.

You have more acquaintances than friends but the ones you do are a v tight knit circle.

Will re take a quiz several times till you get the character you wanted

Radiate Virgo and Libra energy.

Kiyoko:

Type of person to say “step on me” as a way of complimenting and you mean it literally.

Both a sadist and masochist

When someone tells you their not interested it just makes you want them 100x more and it frustrates you why are you like this.

Doesn’t compliment often but when you do it’s really heartfelt.

Looks like your silently judging people but in reality you really couldn’t care.

Just kidding you low-key judge them anyway.

Very picky when it comes to partners.

Independent but has random hella clingy moments.

Despite being quiet, you are capable of roasting a bitch alive if they test your patience.

Like I would NOT wanna get on your bad side

You could deadass send them to therapy, their emotions fenna need some aloe vera for that burn.

Just really calm and relaxed tbh so people enjoy being in your company even though you don’t talk much.

When you do though it’s usually something really interesting or funny.

You just don’t see the point in talking if what your saying doesn’t hold any value??

You hate small talk and would rather slingshot yourself off a skyscraper than partake in it.

Your face is easy to read and you make no effort to hide it.

If your in a bad mood they WILL know.

Look like your plotting someones demise or questioning life’s theories but in reality you’re really just thinking bout what you want for dinner.

Honestly just a sweetheart tbh.

Low-key have a staring problem.

Has really neat and cursive handwriting like who tf taught you that.

Yachi:

Frequently says something then panics that it could be misinterpreted 

You overthink literally everything you have ever said and the actions you haven’t even committed yet

Really likes the taste of sherbet 

Could cut a bitch if they needed to

You spend most of your money at Urban Outfitters and don’t regret it.

have an assortment of colouring pencils that ppl always try and borrow and never give them back.

You highlight the shit outta your papers and never read them again.

Really like the smell of peaches

Probably have a v interesting earring collection.

Hoard water bottles in your room and you feel majorly guilty about it.

The taste of honey disgusts you but you eat it anyway for some reason.

Somehow managed to burn rice and solidify soup.

You shouldn’t be trusted in the kitchen but you try your best regardless.

I feel like that applies to most things in your life

Like yeah you fucked it up but like you’re trying your best lol cmon

V tolerant of people but have zero time for fuckboys and shut them down instantly.

You frequently get the shakes from caffeine or anxiety

Or both.

You give really encouraging hugs.

Have no clue what you wanna do in life but it’s ok bby it’ll work out.

Takeda:

You’re a very underappreciated and underrated person and I love u

Probably an English/languages major

Really kind and outgoing but high-key mysterious

Actually has a phat fucking temper like damn where did that come from.

Won’t take no for an answer when you want to achieve something.

That one person people don’t realise is there listening to your conversations but you definitely are and now know Becky’s deepest darkest secret.

Fuck you, becky.

Wore contacts once and forgot to take them out for 3 days.

You wondered why your eyes were so itchy.

Your music taste does not match your appearance.

Probably watch a lot of crime shows and imagine you’re an investigator

Aced physics and chemistry.

More than likely an introvert with extrovert tendencies when you feel like it.

Actually quite temperamental but it’s okay since you’re a v genuine person.

Often debate getting a sugar daddy bc that income looking real tempting rn.

Honest to a fault at times but it’s something people come to appreciate about you.

Just really wanna sleep for 15 hours and sit in front of your laptop with some hot coco.

Ukai:

You like older men

The smell of tobacco and coffee low-key comforts you for some reason.

Peed in a bottle that one time while on a road trip and forgot to throw it out until you found it a week later.

You’re a slut for dyed hair and dudes with piercings.

You once got drunk and passed out on a spinning round-a-bout in a park and your friend still has pictures that you refuse to acknowledge.

Bi-curious and just radiate big Bi energy

Would experiment but you’re too hesitant.

Hates the taste of beer but drinks it anyway.

Just wants to be loved man I stg is that too much to ask.

Often wonder if your friends actually like you then realise you don’t really care anyway lmao.

You still love them though.

Tired of working over time and just wanna catch a break.

Amazon Prime is your best friend.

Random ass parcels comin thru’ each day and it feels like Christmas.

A very lonely and one-man party Christmas.

Stop spending your fucking paycheck.

Have a pretty dark/cynical but really funny sense of humour and you often make people laugh.

Have a big ass temper and people KNOW it.

Often fantasised about dropping out and becoming a stripper bc your patience was being TESTED.

Really likes money but who doesn’t tbh.

You radiate Chaotic Evil but keep it under wraps.

[number-1-kuaidul-fanboy]

Punch Out Mansion AU

Thought I’d elaborate a little bit on my Punch Out AU where all the WVBA boxers live in a mansion together by giving some background on the characters, like their cliques and lives outside of boxing and other random tidbits I felt like adding. This was all just for fun and is admittedly biased toward/against certain characters, so take it with a grain of salt.

Glass Joe

-Along with boxing, Joe is a photographer.

-Only tried boxing out on a dare and was horrible at it. But he kept trying, insisting he could get at least a few wins. The WVBA liked him so much that when he did get his one win, he was given a place in the minor circuit and is essentially a rite of passage for new challengers.

-No one can really bring themselves to be mean to Joe.

-Sandman learns French from Joe so he can shit talk Little Mac in front of him. Joe also learns English from Sandman and can speak it decently, though he has a noticeable accent.

-His closest friends are Von Kaiser, Sandman, and Little Mac.

-Favourite food is baguettes. (I think that was a little obvious)

-Dog person, pretty social and outgoing.

-Dang good at cooking and baking. Always makes food for the others.

Von Kaiser

-Boxing was Kaiser’s main gig for a while but he’s now out of his prime. He used to be a great boxer in his thirties and was even the champion of the major circuit for a while. However, old age and increased cowardice made him lose more and more until he was only able to defeat Glass Joe to keep his position in the minor circuit.

-Everyone calls him “sir,” some mockingly and others sincerely.

-His english is passable, but he gets certain phrases/words wrong sometimes. Everyone tries to be polite about correcting him.

-Cat person.

-He and Joe are best friends, meaning Kaiser also hangs around Sandman and Mac.

-Plays video games just because the ‘kids’ wanted him to do it. His favourite is NES Mario.

-A bit of a dad to the group, being the oldest.

Disco Kid

-Also started boxing because someone dared him and stuck with it because he wanted the exposure for his disco dancing career. Out of all of them, he is the newest to boxing. (Apart from Little Mac, of course)

-Often wears leotards.

-Dances around the house with headphones on a lazy day.

-He and Don Flamenco are best friends and often play Just Dance (their favourite game) competitively.

-They both also hang out with Great Tiger. (Cuz they’re divas)

-Disco Kid is also a famous TikToker.

-He and Don worked together to make:  “I want a hippopotamus for Christmas.” Where they basically make fun of King Hippo.

-Dog Person

-Can’t cook at all.

King Hippo

-Nobody knows his real name so they just call him “Hippo.”

-Favourite food is all.

-Doc Louis shares some chocolate bars with him.

-King Hippo’s son, Prince Potamus took over the throne “temporarily” when King Hippo left for boxing. Now that it’s been a year, people are questioning whether he will ever return to his home island.

-He can’t hold a controller, much less play video games. However, he does wreck everyone at Swordplay in Wii Sports Resort. Nobody can figure out how, but they can’t manage to beat him.

-Just eats everything raw without preparing it.

Piston Hondo

-Does martial arts professionally like Karate and Boxing and shit. He is also new to boxing, and was offered directly by a WVBA person after they saw one of his martial arts demonstrations. Hondo accepted and did some training before starting his boxing career. He fights anyone who challenges him, which is why he hasn’t passed his position, he hasn’t had a chance to challenge anyone himself.

-He speaks very slowly in English in order to get all the words right. It is slow, but proper.

-Pretty much everyone from Major Circuit and onward arm wrestle with Little Mac. Hondo tries to regulate the arm wrestles the best he can. (It needs to be a fair fight!)

-Favourite food is sushi. (I think this is kinda canon, but whatever)

-Piston Hondo and Little Mac train together. Their morning jog is outrunning the bullet train.

-Hondo and Doc Louis are the “dads” of the group and are the most responsible.

-Everyone kind of respects him, even the higher ranks.

-He’s not really a gamer, but he likes Ace Attorney.

-Almost exclusively cooks food from his home country, going off of recipes from his childhood.

Bear Hugger

-Apart from boxing, he is a lumberjack.

-He challenged everyone in the minor circuit and won, but couldn’t defeat Hippo. So he just decided to challenge the first major circuit person, who at the time wasn’t Hondo because Hondo only has one loss.

-Loves camping but none of the others ever want to go. (Aran Ryan might go to prank him.)

-He keeps his squirrel as a pet. One of the others has to take care of it while he’s out. (Hondo or Doc usually offer)

-Favourite food is maple syrup. (Also kinda canon)

-He’s pretty chill with everyone and content to go with the flow most of the time.

-Mobile gamer. He’s really dedicated to PvZ in particular.

-Probably arm wrestles Mac from time to time.

-The only one to really get along with Bald Bull all that well.

-Wakes up early to make pancakes for everyone.

Great Tiger

-He is a street magician, probably. Maybe a professional magician with like a show. I don’t know how this stuff works.

-Probably seduced the ref to get so many decision wins.

-He beat everyone up to Don and was literally about to challenge him for the championship when Little Mac came along. (We can all agree that Great Tiger is much more difficult than Don Flamenco, right?)

-Either didn’t beat King Hippo and did the same thing Bear Hugger did or did beat him and didn’t take the belt because it was “beneath him.”

-Total douche with his clones. He’ll do things like tickle Little Mac to win an arm wrestle. (Hondo and Doc try to stop him but can’t)

-Total prankster.

-Uses magic literally all the time even when he doesn’t need to.

-He surprisingly knows a good amount of English. He still forgets words/phrases and enunciates certain things oddly but he can carry a solid conversation in English.

-Switches to Hindi to trash talk the others, particularly Little Mac. (Even if he’s grown to secretly respect the persistent kid)

-Hangs out around Don and Disco and will help them prank people for TikToks. They will also game together.

-Favourite food is pakora. (It’s an indian dessert. If you’ve never tried it, it’s delicious)

-Same as Hondo, in which he just knows how to cook foods from his country. Uses his clones to do every little task in order to cook. (Ex: Will have one stirring something, one at the rice maker, and another at the stove)

-Eats insanely spicy foods. (Will sometimes eat chili powder right out of the shaker)

Don Flamenco

-His full name is Juan Eduardo Flamenco Ramirez. He was nicknamed “Don” by his friends growing up and stuck with it for his boxing name. He used “Flamenco” as the second half of his name because it was pretty.

-He is canonically a bullfighter and boxer. That’s all you really need.

-Don climbed the ranks like Mac did. He originally kept the minor circuit belt for a while but decided he wanted something more impressive. He challenged Von Kaiser for the major circuit belt and won.

-Also probably seduced the ref if we’re being honest.

-Loves dancing and expensive dates.

-His best friends are Disco Kid and Great Tiger. He nicknamed Disco Kid “Niño de Disco” and Great Tiger “Gran Tigre.”

-He is pretty much bilingual, and has little trouble switching between English and Spanish. He will switch to spanish to tease Little Mac, though it’s pretty harmless in comparison to some of the others.

-He’s only emo in the ring and sometimes around Little Mac. “It’s not a phase, Mac.”

-Dog person.

-Favourite food is churros. (A spanish dessert. Also delicious.)

-He’s really not a gamer and will only play Just Dance with Disco Kid.

-He punched Bald Bull through the roof for a TikTok. Completely unrelated to that, there is a “natural skylight” in Don’s room.

-Challenges Little Mac to arm wrestles whenever he’s bored. Apart from Hondo, he’s probably the least “cheaty” out of them.

-An excellent cook. Because he loves to impress the ladies.

Aran Ryan

-Actually used his real name for boxing. The absolute madman.

-Apart from Boxing, Aran is a telemarketer. He also scams people on the streets as a side hustle.

-He started on the World circuit, the absolute madman, and Soda Pop was the first boxer he met. Aran Ryan can’t manage to beat him or any of the others though and picked on the lower ranks to work up a record. His “number 5” rank is technically unofficial.

-Wastes a lot of money on alcohol.

-Eats nothing but potatoes.

-He and Soda Popinski are best friends. I could see him and Great Tiger either being friends or rivals.

-Doesn’t get along with many of the others. Bald Bull especially is his enemy.

-Learned Russian to communicate with Soda. Likewise, Soda learned more English to communicate with Aran.

-Tries to use two hands while arm wrestling Mac. Doc or Hondo try to get him to knock that shit off.

-Dog person

-He loves gaming and will hack literally any game he can get his hands on. Newer Super Mario Bros Wii is his favourite game.

-Is banned from the kitchen.

Soda Popinski

-Works at a bar selling drinks.

-He’s been boxing for a long time. Held one of the circuit championships at some point but lost it. His other loss was against Sadman.

-He and Aran Ryan are drinking buddies. (Yeah sure it’s soda. It’s spiked with vodka or steroids. You can’t fool me.)

-He’s not much of a gamer, but often gets pulled into playing Aran Ryan’s hacked games with him.

-Always drinks the entire supply of soda. If anyone else wants soda, they have to hide it in one of their rooms.

-Chugs an entire can of steroid soda before arm wrestling Mac.

-“Favourite food? Uh, soda! That is a food, right?” -him at some point

-Understands English well, but has trouble speaking it himself.

-Mostly keeps to himself oddly enough.

-Doesn’t cook. Pretends to not know english when someone asks him to.

Bald Bull

-Apart from boxing, he’s a professional bodybuilder.

-Just kinda challenged people randomly and somehow won most of the time. His losses (pre Mac) were against Macho Man, Sandman, and twice against Doc Louis.

-Is laid back unless the paparazzi come around or someone does something to piss him off. Then he goes beserk. Like the time Don used him to make a “natural skylight” for a TikTok.

-Probably started the arm wrestling tradition against Little Mac, but no one is really sure.

-He and Doc Louis insult each other constantly. Aran and him are also bitter enemies.

-Talks shit about everyone in Turkish.

-Speaks in very broken english and usually hides out in his room.

-He is most chill around Bear Hugger, his closest friend.

-The others normally don’t let him touch a video game controller. However, he did beat King Hippo at Swordplay, shocking everyone.

-Can probably cook just fine but was preemptively banned from the kitchen so no one is really sure.

SMM

-His real name is Chadrick, like the asshole he is.

-A Hollywood actor for sure.

-Was the champion for a while until Sandman kicked his ass. He didn’t take any of the other belts because it was “beneath him.”

-Buys all the skins and battle passes in Fortnite. Also buys a ton of other useless rich person shit.

-Doesn’t live in the mansion but will visit every now and then during parties and shit.

-Eats nothing but In-n-Out. (Thanks Tumblr, for conflating these two in my mind)

-Is totally lying about his age.

Mr. Sandman

-His real name is Michael. People often make the comparison between him and Mike Tyson.

-He looked up to Mike Tyson as a kid.

-He is 100% devoted to boxing. Before boxing however, he worked in retail, which would explain his utter rage with the world.

-Didn’t take the minor or major belts because it was beneath him.

-Extremely competitive with Little Mac.

-“LITTLE MAC YOU ATE MY FUCKING LEFTOVERS THIS CALLS FOR A REMATCH!” -Sandman, all the time

-Also arm wrestles him a lot and challenges him at Minecraft, the favourite game of the two of them. He has a Minecraft world that he’s used for six years on Survival with all these crazy builds.

-Fairly chill when not boxing or competing with Mac.

-Good friends with Glass Joe and admires the persistent little guy despite his lack of skill in boxing.

Doc Louis

-Was the champion before Macho Man. Climbed the ranks like Mac did, and gave up his belts after retiring. Sandman was probably the final straw.

-Fought Bald Bull back in the day, and often won. They’re still rivals now.

-Favourite food is chocolate. (Literally canon, but whatever)

-The ultimate dad of the group.

-Gives them all advice, but clearly picks his favourites (Little Mac).

-All the older fighters get a little nervous when they see him eating chocolate. (You know what I mean if you’ve played Doc Louis’s Punch Out)

-Plays games with the others when they need an extra player.

-Loves cooking and does it all the time, often for some of the others too.

-He’s retired so he doesn’t “officially” live at the mansion. However, the couch has become his designated spot and the table beside it is where he puts his bag of chocolate bars.

[faustonastring]

Okay but how about the main six taking care of mcs and their kids

Thank the both of you for requesting! I’m gonna try to make everything about the kid(s?) as vague as possible, so it could fit better with your apprentice, so this is going to be mainly focused on the main six. (Tagging you so you can see it @firstshoeweaselmaker )

Main six taking care of their kids

Asra

He wants to give his kid(s) a much better life than he had. He grew up on the streets thinking his parents had died, he does not want his kid(s) to even have that cross their mind(s) he wants to be there for his kid(s) to make up for his parents not being there for him if that makes any sense.

His parents are also very involved in helping him raise his kid(s) kind of as a way to make it up him, ya know,,,,disappearing when he was a very young child giving him a lot of mental health issues, but both you and asra, reassure them nothing was their fault, and they owe him nothing.

He’s also a very involved parent, he takes his kid(s) on a lot of adventures with him, to the woods, the palace, nopal, anywhere he can think of, and he shows them a lot of magick tricks, and helps them learn when the time is right. He’s the cool parent. Like Regina George’s mom. (Who he quotes in a modern au)

It’s safe to say that muriel is also very involved and will watch your kid(s) when ever the two of you need,, some alone time. But when your kid(s) get older,,, ahhh things don’t work out the best,,, it’s not that they hate asra it’s just that their teenagers! And Asra lacks personal boundaries and has and will continue to accidentally walk in on your kid masturbating and he never recovers from it. (I’m sorry some one had to say it)

Nadia

I’ve mentioned this before, but she’s very reluctant to ask her family for help. She’s stubborn okay, so instead she reads up on it herself, and only reluctantly lets her family help when they finally find out.

Her family pretty much takes over your kid(s), they even make a schedule so the can organize taking care of your kid so they all get to have a turn. Nadia doesn’t mind, she enjoys their company, but every time they visit she gets annoyed because she hasn’t got to spend time with her kid(s) in like days.

The parenting is very balanced between the two of you, you end up just falling into a schedule, where you both can evenly spend time with your kid(s). She likes to take your kid(s) on walks through the gardens, and as soon as their old enough she teaches them how to ride horses, and if they aren’t really grasping it,or if she doesn’t have the time she’ll hire them a personal trainer

When he kid(s) get older she tries to give them as much space and responsibility as she can, but is still kind of mother henish around them. She grew up with six (?) sisters, so don’t worry she understand boundaries, and will never break them. Atleast not purposely. But she is very stern and won’t hesitate to punish your kid(s) if they’re out past curfew.

Julian

He’s panicked all over as soon as the two of you decide you want a kid. He’s reading up on all his medical studies he has on children, reading books, newspapers, and asking every parent he knows for advice because he doesn’t want to mess this up. You trust him enough to want to raise a kid(s) with him, so he’s not going to break your trust. He promises.

Portia and Mazelinka will fatten your kid(s) up a little don’t worry. Julian freaks out about your kid(s) gaining too much weight too fast, but Mazelinka and Portia are quick to say “it’s just baby fat Ilya they’ll grow out of it in no time!” He still worries a little (trust me he’s over reacting)

He’s very all over the place, but he’s a great dad. He can be very stern and strict if he has to be, and he doesn’t let his kids run around like wild (I’m looking at you asra) but he does make sure they have fun, and he brings them on lots of voyages across the sea, and makes sure that you all take a yearly trip back to Nevivon

When his kid(s) get(s) older he keeps the authoritative parenting style he developed, and makes sure he gives them a lot of freedom. He knows how teenagers are, even though he’s not the best at boundaries he’s trying. Just don’t break his trust. He’s also the type of parent to wait in the pitch black living room for his kid(s) to get home from sneaking out and say “so where were you last night” making his kid(s) jump out of their skin

Portia

She would be the sweetest mom ever. She’s already looking into good school districts (or the vesuvian equivalent) and making cookies for the vesuvian equivalent of a PTA that she’s not a part of yet but will be sooner or later

Julian would be such a fun uncle. Like something about him reminds me of one of those goofy uncles that make short appearances in like ninety’s sitcoms, if that makes any sense to anyone else. Also every one goes out to mazelinkas for dinner every Friday. It’s kinda like an unspoken rule now

She’s very comforting and loving- well they all are but espically Portia. Her house is always the go to place for play dates, and she makes the best pillow forts (out of the main six asra is second and Muriel is third, the rest of them equally suck) she’s also great at playing pretend, and when her and Julian get together to play pretend with you’re kid(s)? They’re at it for hours.

When her kid(s) start to grow up she gets very emotional, and starts to ask you for another baby, (you either get another kid somehow, or adopt another cat, either way she’s happy) she respects the boundaries of her kids, but let’s her kids walk over her if they start to break her trust because she has a hard time saying no to them.

Muriel

He double checks like a million times just to make sure you want to have a kid(s) with him.Like there’s no one else you’ve been seeing right? That will make a better farther than him? Are you sure? But once he’s over the initial shock he’s thrilled.

Asra is all over your kid(s) within days baby talking them no matter how old they are, pinching their cheeks, he also brings them back cool toys from his journeys. Nadia also showers your kid(s) in expensive gifts. Behind muriels back of course because she already knows he’s way to humble to let his kid accept anything like this.

He’s a very loving and stern dad. The only reason he’s so stern sometimes is because he cares about your kid(s) and he doesn’t want them getting hurt, or doing anything stupid. But he makes the best toys out of wood, and tries to sew little stuffed animals for them, no matter how old they are. He also brings them out on a lot of hikes and teaches them about nature and how to survive off the grid.

When your kid(s) starts to get older, it does upset him a little bit but isn’t too phased by it, he’s getting older too, it would be wrong to have another kid right now.....unless. But all jokes aside he like Julian is the type of dad to wait for his kids to come home from sneaking out in the dark, but instead of trying to talk to them about it he sends them to their room and grounds them until further notice

Lucio

Please pray for this man,, he does not have the paitence for kids, teenagers, babies, quite frankly he thinks babies are gross and slimy and wet, that it until the both of you adopt or have a baby (if that’s what you choose to do in your time line you don’t have too, of course)

Dude pray for morga too, she can’t afford to make the same mistake again, she really can’t. She visits every now and then, to see how things are going, and is putting her full trust in you too make sure your kid(s) don’t turn out anything like lucio.

He’s ahhh,,,I’m gonna be honest, not a good dad at all, I even think the devs ranked him, worst or second worst with kid(s) so :) have fun! He’s trying he really is, but morga was kind of an abusive parent, and lucio is,,,,well lucio. He’ll spoil your kid(s) rotten, and is really trying his best but aghhhhh he’s just no bueno. And morga isn’t any help either.

When your kid(s) are teenagers have fun, because not only are you dealing with how ever many bratty spoiled teenagers you have, but you’re also dealing with lucio who is just as bad. He can be stern if he has too, but Lucios version of ‘stern’ is just yelling back twice as loud. He also lets his kid(s) host parties at his house, and has crashed one of his kid(s) parties more than once.

Thanks for reading! If you liked what you read you can find my masterlist here, which I’ll be updating soon!

Next headcanon: the main six playing the arcana and getting an upright ending!

Request are open!

[freedom-shamrock]

Speaking on My Behalf

Also over on AO3

<<< Go back to Chapter One

@saijspellhart allowed me to take this delightful idea and run with it, so here we are.  Go team!

Chapter Two

Had Plagg been anyone else, Marinette would have laughed off his words, probably turned the shade of a Braeburn and moved on. She was used to being teased about Adrien and her completely hopeless attraction to him. Their friends were terribly mean about it, to be honest.

But Plagg, for all his shenanigans, didn't tease her this way. He was a painfully direct and honest individual, always keen to cut to the point of a matter so he could move on to something more interesting, usually involving cheese or snuggles. She could also see the exact moment Adrien's brain went all blue screen of death on him, cutting out the barely audible squeal of protest that his vocal cords managed to create. And then it was clear his brain had rebooted as his face that went the color of her supersuit and his eyes goggled in horror. Frankly it was quite the look. Not something you'd see in one of his photo shoots, to be sure, but he somehow managed to not look any less attractive. Ugh. Stupid adorable boys. Still, she felt a little bad for him. She knew that feeling all too well.

She sniffed and tossed her head, channeling her best Chloe impersonation to send her hair flying. "Tsk." She spun, playing with how the skirting whirled to show off one leg after the other. "Put your eyeballs back in your head, Kitty," she said airily. "It's not like you haven't seen sexy dresses."

Plagg circled back to land on Adrien's head, fluffing his hair nest further. "Pfft, yeah," Plagg agreed. "We've seen more than a few." He smirked. "But none were on you… Buggaboo," he drawled

Adrien slapped his hand down on Plagg, pressing the being of destruction to his scalp, until said being decided to phase through his holder's hand.

"He doesn't like it when I use his nicknames, even if I'm speaking for him," Plagg noted with a shrug. "It's a territorial cat thing. Just don't mind our little hissy fits."

She shook her head at their antics. "My supersuit is like a second skin and I run around in just that all the time." Fortunately she'd already been comfortable with the suit by the time she realized how little it concealed despite its full coverage. "You know what I look like."

"Eh, there's something very different about seeing your actual skin," Plagg pointed out, earning another swat from Adrien. "I gotta say, I don't get it, but I know that's a thing. A very human… thing." He smirked in a way no real cat ever had.

"All right," Marinette said. It was time to let up on her partner. "I'm going to go change and then I'll get dinner started." She reached out and tapped Adrien's nose. "And no you may not help, I'm taking care of you, remember? But you can pick a movie for us."

"Already got one in mind," Plagg assured her, and Adrien's expression backed that statement up.

"Got any requests for the menu tonight?" she asked as she turned toward her room.

"Four cheese ravioli with a parmesan cream sauce," Plagg suggested.

There was no way Adrien wanted that. He liked cheese a normal amount, unlike his kwami.

"Oooh!" Plagg cried. "Do you think you could make broccoli cheese soup with limberger?"

⁂

Adrien felt absolutely spoiled.  He'd managed to shove aside the earlier embarrassment over Plagg's entirely too honest commentary; his father had taught him how to compartmentalize like it was an olympic sport. It was probably not healthy, but it was definitely helpful in this situation. Regardless, he managed to pretend it hadn't happened while Marinette made dinner, setting things up so he could stay on the couch rather than eating at the table. She wouldn't even let him help set up the living room, adjusting the furniture while he was in the loo.

Fortunately she'd caved to Plagg's suggestion that they sit together on the couch. Nothing made him feel better than having her nearby. Ladybug and Chat Noir were pretty tactile, it came from the need to toss and catch each other off and over the tallest buildings and bizarre monsters of Paris. It also gave them that little reassurance that they weren't alone when things got really ugly. Outside of the suits they were close friends, often mistaken for a couple, and in the privacy of their apartment they could ignore the social rules that said they had to behave a certain way. Around age sixteen he'd learned that he had classic symptoms, and the perfect home set up, for being touch starved. His friends had been happy to help with that, and no one snuggled quite like Marinette. Except Ladybug, of course, who was still Marinette even if he was the only one who knew that.

After dinner, he put his plate on the side table and slouched down, leaning against his best friend's shoulder. It wasn't too much longer before she set aside her dishes and wrapped her arm around him. Her fingers slipped into his hair, gliding over his scalp in that way they'd both learned he loved. He smiled, utterly content as he felt his body relax fully against her. He didn't even pretend to fight the low rumble in his chest. His purr was barely audible with his laryngitis, but he knew she could feel the vibration when she gave him a little extra squeeze. She loved his purr, and had been quick to squash any embarrassment it caused him. Plagg seemed to think she went out of her way to make him feel comfortable and appreciated for who he was, but Adrien suspected she'd do the same for anyone. She was just that sweet.

Slowly, to avoid disrupting her fingers, he rubbed his face against her shoulder in exactly the way a cat would nuzzle up against someone they liked. He felt her giggle more than he heard it, and it only encouraged him. He scootched a little closer, burrowing his face into her neck and embracing the emotional warmth elicited by the touch of her skin on his.

"Does my kitty need cuddles?" she asked, her low soft voice inspiring goosebumps down his back and arms.

Regular hugs and cuddles, whenever he needed them, were one of his favorite parts of living with Marinette. She was willing to set aside anything to give him a hug, even if it was quick with a more enduring follow up when she was done with whatever he'd interrupted. And she seemed to know when he needed the physical contact almost better than he did. He slipped his arms around her and nuzzled her neck again.

She let out a happy sounding hum. "I know it's been a rough day for you Adrien." The hand that wasn't in his hair gathered him closer, overlapping her body with his. "But now that my dress for La Fleur is done, I'm totally free tomorrow. We can have a little home spa treatment, play some video games together, and if you're feeling up to it we can go out for a run.  Sound good?"

"That sounds perfect," Plagg replied from his perch on the back of the couch.

Adrien couldn't possibly agree more. Spending the whole day with her, just relaxing and having fun, it was his favorite way to spend time. She'd given him so many happy moments and memories to counter the unhappiness and loneliness his father had instilled in him. He gave her a gentle squeeze, loving the way it felt to hold her. In a moment of cat inspired insanity, he stretched up to rub his jaw against hers. His scent mingled with hers on her skin, and he had no idea why he loved that, but he really really did.

"Speaking for the Kid, here," Plagg said, calling Adrien back from his moment of bliss where he'd lost all awareness beyond Marinette. "So, can we make out now?"

[koteosa]

here’s some modern au headcanons for the arcana ... it’s something I think about a lot

Asra

gamer memeing shitlord . he majored in minecraft you cannot convince me otherwise

plays A Lot of minecraft but also just enjoys any similar sort of game, sdv, animal crossing, etc. He’s really good at video games but he’s just fucking around . he likes to play online games and try his best to make everyone hate him in a really harmless sort of way . he heals the enemy spy . changes his display name and avatar to be exactly the same as someone else . tells people to go into the console and type unbindall

he plays games with his friends and he’s usually the top player so he just spends his time spoiling the shit out of his friends giving them good items carrying them through dungeons etc but not Julian, he tells Julian to dig straight down in minecraft . Julian doesn’t ever know what he’s doing in any video game so Asra trains him wrong on purpose, as a joke

anyway enough about video games (for now)

Asra lives in a van that he painted the exterior of himself, it was both a fun project and a very smug way to annoy people with this awful fucking hippie van strolling into town, eat shit

it’s decorated with crystals, furs, fairy lights, mason jars full of food For The Aesthetic, books, etc. It’s very cozy, cottagecore / bohemian and it’s ridiculously obvious that he’s into witchcraft. he just lets Faust explore because this isn’t real and I can pretend that a snake is exactly as well behaved as in a fantasy story

basically homeless by choice

drugs tw but I see him as the type to want to try anything and everything at least once so if he’s ever been offered A Drug (and he crashes parties for fun and for free food, so he’s got opportunities) he’ll try it Just To See, and this has resulted in some bad trips before, but Muriel saw him in the middle of one and then after he sobered up Muriel put his foot down and made Asra agree to only do these things as responsibly as possible, like, with supervision from a friend

still drugs tw but I also see Asra as a stoner but in the cbd edibles sort of way, a lot of this is because I headcanon Asra as having ADD (because I do and I want to project a little bit) so it helps him focus but also he just Likes It. the glove box of his car has like, chocolate/lollipop edibles stuff like that

goes between like super healthy elaborate meals with mushrooms and veggies and fresh meat and shit and then just eating nothing but cheez-its all day

style wise I see him as the type to wear a lot of tank tops, like, the loosest of tank tops so it hangs super low and long and you get some nice cleavage out of it, crystal necklaces, gold jewelry, pride pins/jewelry/etc (trans/nonbinary/bisexual flags), oversized hoodies with loud colorful patterns, joggers and other loose comfy pants, and either boots or slippers

he’s got like... the at home look that’s basically what I just described, and then the away from home look that’s got thirty layers and none of it makes sense and he just shows up in orange crocs With Patterned Socks and everyone who sees him just lets out the heaviest sigh

Asra getting home be like (takes off a layer of clothes) (takes off a layer of clothes) (takes off a layer of clothes) (takes off a layer of clothes) (takes off a l

He likes to go on long road trips completely at random and saves up money to go on more extensive trips like, out of the continent. It can be really hard to place him at any given time, especially because he’s extremely slow to respond to texts for a whole multitude of reasons. He just fucking vanishes sometimes and he doesn’t get that maybe people want to know where he is. He’s too solitary

He makes money either via street performances (magic, tarot readings, etc) or selling shit on etsy like handmade tarot decks, crystal necklaces, magic charms, etc. He Has Never Worked A Day In His Life and He Will Not Start Now

Responsibility? Don’t know her

People ask him really obnoxious questions sometimes and he makes outlandish lies to tell them for fun . Why do you live in a van? A house killed my parents

In the fall/winter he lives with Muriel or more to the point, he crashes on his couch for a really long time and Muriel’s landlord doesn’t need to know about it for rent purposes

Julian

he’s a highly paid doctor and your mother would love it if you’d marry him if not for the fact that he looks like he never left his teenage emo phase

PIERCINGS

There’s DEFINITELY at least one piercing on his d

he lives with Portia and Mazelinka and tries to handle all their expenses but Mazelinka won’t fucking let him

soundproofed his room but not because he’s a youtuber or anything but because he uh. y’know what I’m gonna let y’all figure this one out on your own

goes to like............. lgbt friendly bdsm clubs every now and then looking for someone to step on him and call him garbage it’s for his mental health you don’t understand

black turtlenecks . silver jewelry . distinguished but Edgy as well, black boots, winklepickers, doc martens, ohmygod this is my SHIT I’m giving him red plaid pants and a reversed cross necklace and a leather jacket that says some radical shit on the back and Lots of Rings . black jeans with tears in the knees and black eyeshadow, demonia boots, leather gloves, hhhhhhOHmy GOD

catch him at home in black leggings and a my chemical romance tshirt with holes in it . he wakes up in the morning with yesterday’s makeup and he just cleans it up a little and that’s good enough

fairly small bedroom because he’s usually never at home, but it’s still pretty clear what he’s into even if it’s not super decorated or elaborate, kind of just Default Room but with his stuff arranged throughout . band posters, black furniture, a bed that looks like a depressed vampire sleeps in it, a bookshelf but most of the books are scattered around his desk, bed, and the floor. there’s a taxidermy skull on display somewhere because it’s just so dramatic you gotta love it

plays a black electric violin

extremely out of tune with pop culture he still listens to 70-00s music and he doesn’t know what a minecraft is or why Asra keeps yelling CREEPER when he comes into the room nor why Portia yells back AW MAN

I googled it and he qualifies as a millennial but I still see him as such a fucking old man who doesn’t know how to use electronics

despite being a doctor he’s so unhealthy . he eats nothing but depression meals (or just, nothing) unless someone forces him to sit down and eat an actual meal . No Julian whiskey does not count for your daily water intake

Malak probably happened because Julian wouldn’t stop feeding every black bird he saw just for the aesthetic and that was like 17 years ago but they still show up at his window expecting almonds or whatever the fuck . he changes houses but they’re too smart . you try to be a cool gothic thespian with a raven that will pose on your arm ONE time when you’re a teenager and they just never stop coming

sad lonely no friends hasn’t been laid in six years because he’s too busy and no longer remembers how to form meaningful relationships. Portia keeps being like so I met this really hot (insert gender here) and like idk I think they’re into goth dudes............... just saying...................... and he’s like am I really so pathetic that I’m going to let my baby sister set up blind dates for me? Yes

would drive something very goth like a hearse or some shit if not for the fact that his family would make sure he ends up in a coffin in the back of it if he drove up in that shit . please . buy a normal fucking car . Julian . oh my god

he starts quoting melodramatic poetry at the slightest inconvenience . he is that “All you did was betray me as I lay sick and festering. You are the definition of dread. My cat stole my fucking garlic bread” meme

been arrested multiple times for general rowdiness but also for political activism . at this point Portia/Mazelinka will just sigh and pay his bail and they don’t even ask what he did this time . how does he still have a job? I wish I knew

theater kid

Muriel

lives in a rundown apartment in the shitty part of town because it’s all he can afford, it’s quiet, and no one will try to visit him (except Asra) because no one wants to go to THAT part of town . but no harm will likely ever befall him because he’s 6′10 and like three million pounds of raw muscle with battle scars like you gonna fuck with that? really?

even if he got robbed it wouldn’t matter because A) he doesn’t own anything B) Inanna will chase the thief away

depression man staying in his quiet rundown dark apartment distracting himself with idle hobbies and taking care of his dog to prevent the encroaching ennui from tearing him a new asshole

changes jobs frequently both because he never stands out therefore never gets taken on full time after the part time trial period, AND to protect himself from the horror of being known

works mostly things like construction, auto repair, dog sitting/walking/etc, woodworking, mostly hard labor but if he can convince granny to let a very scary but completely harmless man look after her bichon frise for the weekend then he’s pretty happy about that

in a similar manner, he orders everything online so cashiers/etc won’t start to recognize him. delivery workers leave everything outside his door and he just drags it inside after they leave like an itazura kitty coin bank

goes camping a lot because staying cooped up in his apartment is super bad for his mental health and he doesn’t like to take walks through the city for a multitude of reasons. he takes Inanna on walks through the woods instead

Asra is his only friend and that’s fine (it’s not fine)

convinced therapy doesn’t work and he wants nothing to do with it

doesn’t like using electronics and only keeps a few things around his house so Asra can use them when he’s around . Muriel has a phone (that Asra got for him) so he can text Asra, check the time, check the weather, google questions, and like, nothing else

pretty much only happy when something is about dogs. he wants to go to the pet store and look at the dogs but he needs Asra to go with him so Asra can distract the workers and Muriel can look at the puppies in peace

dresses in blacks, grays, greens, and browns for the most part, jacket with the hood up, tank tops, dark jeans with tears in them, brown boots with mud stains on them . functional, not particularly stylish, and if he’s going to be in public he doesn’t want to make it easy for anyone to see his face. at home it’s mostly no shirt + sweatpants/joggers/etc. doesn’t accessorize or put in any real effort. he doesn’t care what he looks like (because he’s convinced he’s not much to look at anyway)

lives that super eco friendly life like Asra does but it’s more that he just feels comfortable living like he’s always on a camping trip

he doesn’t want to eat junk like Asra does but if Asra shows up with mcdonalds then well he can’t really say no

the type who uses something until he absolutely cannot use it anymore instead of just buying a new one

has never been to a doctor, dentist, etc Ever. the most he can do is take Inanna to the vet because he loves her so much

drives a very old pickup truck with like, chipped paint and mud stains. he’d take better care of it if only anything in life mattered

didn’t go to school

Portia

I like to think that she took on a groundskeeping job at Nadia’s very expensive large house and they fell in love and now Nadia pays for everything and Portia just spends her time gardening, playing with Pepi, and like idk running a vlogging/gaming youtube channel

200 videos of Pepi on her youtube channel with 4 million views each bare minimum . takes random videos of cats where she has to audio edit it to shit so you can’t hear her high pitched squeals of delight

minecraft let’s play part 30 where her, Asra, Nadia, and Julian play together and it’s extremely chaotic because Asra and Portia decide to gang up on Julian who does NOT know what he’s doing, and then Nadia surprises them all by not being the bigger person and instead tricking Julian into some elaborate trap where he steps on a trapdoor and falls 15 blocks into some lava and he looks up and all he sees is Nadia’s smug fucking avatar looking down at him

nightcore. it’s just not FAST enough

wears sweaters with cats on them. generally dresses in warm colors + brown/green, it’s like a very soft cozy look that you could go camping in or just generally be outside and get grass stains and whatnot. cute, functional

likes to make Julian do things for her like drive her places etc because like, he will. he always will

really likes social gatherings with her friends; sleepovers, beach trips, sitting at mcdonalds and pouring all their fries into a pile etc. tries to get Julian to go with her but he’s Just So BUSY. she makes fun of him and makes him drive her to it, then manages to convince him to stay

cottagecore aesthetic . she just thinks it’s so cute to have the little mason jars and decorate everything with leaves and flowers and BEES and whatnot . would love to live in a little cottage with a farm if she could

her room has a big cat tree in it . green wallpaper with yellow flowers. pressed flowers into books, an extremely cozy bed, fairy lights, it’s very farmy but also there’s a lot of electronics. she’s got a lot of 00s games, like, right in that ps2 sweet spot

nicknames all of her pokemon

she spoils the ever loving shit out of Pepi. She’s got a little cat harness and they go on walks through the park together

I don’t have a lot to say about the other two I Am Sorry

[frncs]

⌠ ERIC OSBORNE, 21, NON-BINARY, HE/THEY ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, FRANCES ‘FRANK’ LAVOIE! according to their records, they’re a FIRST year, specializing in MACGYVER SURVIVAL SKILLS AND NAVIGATION & COVERT OPS; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of oversized clothing stitched with thick yarn and littered with cat hair, the snap of stretched balloons before they’re blown and a post-nap dazed gaze. when it’s the (virgo)’s birthday on 09/01/1999, they always request CORN DOGS from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ tasha, 22, she/her, est ⍀ 

well well well .. id meant to bring another kid ages ago .. n then jus didn’t because the personality part was/is givin me grief FGJH so pls 🐻  w me n replies as i figure out his voice . also .. haven’t even written out my intro yet . . bt ik it’s gna be long apologies , pls feel free to just read the tldr 

tw: death, accidental murder, grief.

TLDR: grew up fairly well off to spy parents who didn’t want him to be part of that world but apart from that didn’t care what he did with his life otherwise. he often questioned whether they really cared for him at all (tht quote thts like .. if u love me u love me in a way i cant understand). luna’s his best friend, and he’s obsessed with his aunt and uncle’s circus that stops into town every year. life is pretty great until luna ‘dies’ at 16. he joins the circus and becomes a clown, he loves performing with all his heart. at 18, his aunt and uncle arm him with a credit card and tell him to go travel, he assumes it’s because they just want him to explore the world. visits europe for six months and asia for six months, enjoys it but misses the circus terribly, busks a lot. they actually send him away to distance him from the shady happenings that are starting to boil within the company. he comes back in time for the halloween switch-a-roo, where everyone rotates their act (so he does the magic show as a clown). he’s part of a set-up that results in him accidentally killing a person and sawing them in half. his aunt and uncle call his parents, who reluctantly send him to prep school for a little less than a year to heighten his chances of getting into a spy school for protection, which he does. dedicated to working hard and getting a high paying job to pay for reparations for the circus and do a massive overhaul of the way it runs, because it’s like his second home.

grew up in waterford ct, to one retired spy parent ( his mom ) and his dad who works with the government and is aware of espionage. his mom straight up didn’t have a good time, no one really talks about it, he has no idea what happened, doesn’t know if his dad knows either but it’s clear that they don’t want him going into the spy world. 

he feels like he’s always been treated like an adult for as long as he remembers, not in the sense that they burdened him with responsibility, but that they didn’t seem to care what he did one way or another. the best way i can describe it is that his parents had the same energy as a character in a yorgos lanthimos film, very dry and lifeless, like they’re on autopilot. he’d try and cuddle his mom and she’d just pat him on the head. he couldn’t really rebel against them and as long as he went to school and got good grades they appeared un-phased about what he got up to, a very mind your own business dynamic shared between family. 

he didn’t get up to a whole lot, he was a bit of an outsider. didn’t make friends very easily because he didn’t know how to let himself go around people, even though he’d sometimes be excited but wouldn’t know how to show it. definitely had that reserved temperament ingrained into him from his parents. 

he did have one friend who knew him inside and out, luna <3 who was also his neighbour. their demeanours were a perfect match but also he’d find himself getting so excited and wanting to tell her about his day or listen to hers, or read with her or play hopscotch or send her secret notes with his flashlight at her window. 

there was one other thing that got him terribly excited and it’s when his aunt and uncle’s traveling circus would stop in. he’d go every single day for the week and a half it was there. his parents would arrange one dinner with them and consider their familial duty done, other than that they remain out of contact with them. his aunt and uncle tell him that he’s always welcome to join, and he holds them to it. his parents say do whatever you want, just graduate high school first. 

his whole world kinda crumbles when luna ‘dies’ at sixteen. he feels immense guilt over it thinking he should’ve done something about that skeevy bf of hers...this also coincides with one of his mom’s friends dying (harlowe’s mom) which makes his mom act even weirder so he fast tracks his plans to join the circus and joins at sixteen, doesn’t graduate high school. i envision the convo btw him and his dad went like: 

“dad, i’m joining the circus.”

“graduate high school first.”

“no.”

“okay son, i can’t control you.”

the company welcomed him with open arms and he tried out everything, acrobatics, sharpshooting, but wasn’t particularly talented at anything. except, clownery. because messing up is commended, noting how all the kids would laugh at him trying basic magic tricks. so his aunt and uncle got him into a clown costume lickety-split. performing brought him a lot of joy through the grief like he’s an entirely different person when performing, insert that one cursed joker picture: put on a happy face. 

because the owners were his aunt and uncle he was treated exceptionally well and he was very oblivious to the malpractice that went on behind the scenes. the circus had a whole sector dedicated to pickpocketing (other kids who he just saw as friends were often runaways from broken homes who didn’t have anywhere else to go and earned their wages by stealing from customers), and serious kerfuffle with pay, probably some extortion going on, just general yuckery. he vaguely knew it was happening but was kind of like it is what it is kinda standpoint. heavily inspired by the circus barney and clint barton grew up in reffed in the 2015 run of all-new hawkeye.

a couple years later his aunt and uncle give him a credit card and tell him to go travel for a bit. he does because why not but misses the circus terribly. he spends six months in europe and six months in asia, busks as a clown a lot and but his on-the-road/home sickness never really fades.

he returns super excited, ready to clown around but it’s evident tensions are just really high between the workers but they’re still all super sweet to him because he’s very sweet even if he’s oblivious. halloween comes around which is his favourite time of year because they do this thing called the switch-a-roo, where everyone switches what act they’re doing, bicycle acts do contortionist acts, lion tamers do rope walkers, magicians do animal taming and clowns do magic acts. it’s just one big laugh because obviously most of them are cross-trained, but it’s meant to be more of a comedy thing and their mess-ups are to an extent choreographed but also capitalizes on the scariness because they hype up the fact that they have no idea what they’re doing.

he’s doing his magic act, messing up all the magic tricks showing all his cards, and his last act is the sawing someone in half, so the assistant comes out in the box, really selling it like omg a clown !!! being like stop !!! you don’t know what you’re doing !!! and frances is like playing along with the act, as he was told that the gag would be when they split the boxes they’ll have some practical effects to make it look like he’d accidentally actually cut the assistant in half. fumbling with a very real chainsaw, he does the choppity-chop which takes a bit more muscle than he thought it would and the assistant screams a lot then pretends to pass out. anyways it wasn’t an act he accidentally cut someone in half, and they die.

EXTRA CLOWN LORE THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT FEEL FREE TO SKIP!

i envisioned that worker negotiations had been going on for a while and had kinda reached a stalemate where nothing was happening, and there were rumblings about frances being off travelling and spending a shit ton of money where it could’ve been put towards the workers and the circus and his aunt and uncle would hear threats thrown towards frances which is why they wanted him to stay away/go travelling for a while. the girl who was killed did so knowingly, and died a martyr (and also left frances a note explaining things and how she was sorry that he was the one that had to kill her). the whole thing was executed with a lot of thought: how it would affect frances and how it would be seen as a personal attack against his aunt and uncle - and that while the act seemingly went off without a hitch and the public didn’t suspect a thing, the workers have leverage to make it public (which ideally they don’t want b/c a lot of the workers are pretty disenfranchised or have criminal records and truthfully don’t want the end all being the circus closing b/c they do love their job just not the conditions). his aunt an uncle are in a bit of a jam because they need an investor but can’t get that because of shady hiring practices in the first place, and their greed definitely exacerbated the problem.

after that happens his aunt and uncle immediately call his parents, who despite never wanting him to go into the spy industry believe that it would be the safest option for him, and enrol him in prep school (which he attends for less than a year) so that he has more of a chance getting into gallagher the following year, which, with the right strings pulled happens. 

now he’s dedicated to giving it his all so he can get a really high paying job and do a complete overhaul of the company and make a lot of reparations that should’ve been made years and years ago. 

personality

- very patient, a slow talker and more of a listener.  - idealistic, in the sense that he’s always been surrounded by people either in poverty of vulnerable, and despite being a caring guy, adopted that kind of mind your own business mentality his parents had. even his desire to get rich in order to save the circus is a very unrealistic plan or at the very least would take a very long time to achieve.  - tired, i know it’s not a personality trait but i’m making it one, he’s a little bit dazed, not gloomy per se but like he’s woken up from a nap and needs to warm up a bit before being a functioning part of society. but that’s like all his interactions. has the gait of like a drunken kung fu master, very limber.  

headcanons

has slight imposter syndrome about clowning, knows he’s great and always got a standing ovation but can’t help but wonder how much nepotism played a role in her being the main clown in the company.

planning on hiding out in her room during halloween, but is very bittersweet about it, because he thinks that halloween is one of the only times that people are happy because they get to be anyone they want and has found that most people don’t want to be themselves.

has an overweight, old cat which he’s had since he joined the circus and has been everywhere with him. it’s name is cat. he also has an album on his phone of all the strays he’s ever met, which is a lot being on the road. he named all of them but they never got to come with him.

sleeps a lot, probably has some sort of chronic sleep disorder, but enjoys the sweet release from life so he doesn’t question it. has no shame and will sleep anywhere and does.

loves making balloon animals, was his favourite thing to do at the circus. keeps a jewelry dish full of unpumped balloons on his bedside table. also a big reader, and hoarder of anything that can fit in a small travel notebook (leaves, ticket stubs, pictures, anything). 

wanted connections: i’ll update my actual google docs in the coming days but people he met while traveling for a year, anyone with pets wanting to have a pet playdate (cat’s not too active but he could use some company), someone who catches him crying (he cries a lot haven’t peeped his full chart but i can sense the water energy from miles away), people who wake him up when he falls asleep in class, in the common rooms, outside, flirty flirts, someone who’s been to the circus, someone who clowns him about being a clown and he gets super angry, really anything, i’m terrible at coming up with connections i get such a thrill from mundane relations i’m boring <3

[miss-tc-nova]

The Cat’s Meow - Jumin Han x Fem!Reader Pt 7

I FINISHED THE STORY! So to celebrate, have a chapter early! This will shift my schedule around a bit, but I love this chapter so much I don’t care! 

Part 7: Seven’s Secret Gift

                I deliver all my preparations to Luciel and explain that Mako and I will have to serve as a distraction while Jaehee lets him and Yoosung into the penthouse to decorate. I stay to help with some of the remaining decorations before heading out for Jumin’s house.

                “Good evening, Dr. _____,” the security guard greets.

                I smile warmly. “Hello. Is he waiting for me?”

                “Yes ma’am.”

                “Great.” I give a light knock before pushing the door open. “Juuuumiiiiiin.”

                “You are far too comfortable entering my house as you please,” the man utters from the sofa despite the small smirk.

                I literally wave the remark away. “Your guard told me you were here waiting for me like a little puppy.”

                He stands up, approaching me. “Oh really? Which one?”

                “That’s not important. What’s important is that we head to the clinic!” I point to the cat hanging out in the carrier backpack I have. On cue, he meows.

                “The clinic?”

                “Yeah. We have an enclosed section in the back, because, you know, I’m a bit of a cat nut. We’re going to do cat agility!”

                One of those dark eyebrows raises. “Cat agility?”

                “Yes! It’ll be fun. Mako is pretty good at it, except the tunnel. He gets distracted.”

                “You want my princess to work?”

                “It’s healthy for cats to get exercise.” I recall Jaehee’s remarks from last night. Leaning forward a bit, I look up at him. “Please? At least try it. It’ll be another thing to add to the list of amazing things Elizabeth the 3rd can do.”

                Jumin’s skeptical expression never falters, but that contradicts his words. “Fine. We can try it.”

                “Excellent! Now change your shirt, get that cat in a carrier, and get us a car!”

                “Change my shirt?”

                “Yes! For once in your life, put on something other than a button up shirt!”

                Looking as if I had offended him, Jumin leaves the room and comes back in a simple, long sleeve shirt that he rolled up to his elbows.

                “Better?”

                “So much better,” I tease. And attractive. It’s nice to see him in something more casual.“I’d even say it’s the cat’s meow.” He rolls his eyes at my favorite joke.

                Jumin and I go to the clinic where I had a makeshift agility course set up. Mako is excited to be back, but the moment Elizabeth set foot out of her carrier, he becomes interested in the visitor.

                “Do you think they’ll remember each other?” I muse, watching him sniff her carrier curiously while she hides.

                “I don’t know.”

                I produce a fishing toy. “Well, let’s see if she’ll play.”

                Bingo. I have both cats excitedly after the feathered toy. I’m amazed at just how sociable the fluffy, spoiled cat is. I show Jumin how to do some of the cat run with Mako before passing off the trial to him and Elizabeth. I can’t help but admit how adorable it is to see this stuffy man smiling while teaching his cat to walk up a ramp. It eventually comes to us timing each other.

                “Aww Mako. Not the tunnel again,” I whine, crouching to look into the hiding hole.

                Jumin chuckles. “Let him play. He wasn’t going to beat Elizabeth the 3rd with that time anyways.”

                I stand up, hands on my hips. “I bet you I could shave three seconds off her time if you let me run with her.”

                “You think you can beat me?” the man challenges.

                “Boy, I taught you,” I laugh.

                “Fine. Gauntlet thrown.” He tosses the toy at me, but the thing only makes it halfway before flopping to the ground. We stare at it for a second.

                “You better pick that up,” I warn.

                A bit startled, he quickly picks up the toy and brings it to me.

                “Thank you.”

                Jumin starts the time and I guide his cat, and mine once she reaches the tunnels, through the course. When she takes her last step off the course, I look back at Jumin.

                “And?” I press.

                “You beat me by five seconds,” he admits annoyed.

                “Yes! Dr. _____ wins again!”

                Suddenly, my phone, which is in Jumin’s hand, begins ringing with a silly jingle. A frown crosses his face and flicker that gives me flashbacks.

                “Why is 707 calling you?”

                “Oh! Crap! Gimme that!” I snatch the phone from his hand. “Hello?”

                “You didn’t tell me you would take Elly with you!”

                I giggle. “I needed her. How’s everything over there?”

                “Operation: stuffy trust fund kid birthday is a go! Proceed to final phase!”

                “Yes sir!” I hang up, looking to Jumin who stares at me with the most confused look on his face. “We gotta go.”

                “Should I even ask?”

                “Probably best if you don’t.”I call Mako over to put him in his carrier.

                “I will anyways. What was that?”

                “Hey hey hey!” I hold a hand up to him. “You’re on a need to know basis. You know when I need you to know.”

                “The more you talk the stranger this day gets. Do you hear yourself?”

                “Do I have to point out the cat wine again?”

                He points at me, almost dead serious. “Still a profitable business.” The serious breaks when even he breaks out in a smile.

                We get the cats loaded up and go on our way to ‘drop them off’ at Jumin’s. I’m so excited I can barely contain myself, but I blame all the smiling on having fun at the clinic with Jumin.

                The man leads me out of the elevator and towards his front door. As he walks past, one of the guards winks at me and I can’t help but grin. He pushes the door open.

                “Surprise!”

                His entire penthouse is covered in paper decorations that looked like cats; a banner ran across the glass wall reading ‘Happy Birthday Jumin! Meow!’ that was obviously made by Luciel, and cat shaped balloons are everywhere.

                Jumin slaps a hand to his face. “Everything was one giant giveaway,” he moans in defeat.

                “Oh god, you brought TWO furballs!” Zen cries out.

                To the man’s demise, we let both the cats out. It’s when a man I haven’t met with green hair approaches Jumin that he seems genuinely shocked.

                “V…You’re here?”

                “Of course. Unfortunately, I can’t be here long, but I had to wish my friend a happy birthday,” he replies with a smile. He gives Jumin a hug and passes him a box before waving to the others and making his way out with one last ‘happy birthday’ to Jumin.

                That was weird…

                Jumin and I mingle with the others for a while, enjoying the snacks. I bring the cake out and place it on the counter.

                “Even the cake is a cat…”

                “Don’t pretend you don’t like it,” I laugh. “Though, I guess it’s probably not as good as something your chef would make for you.”

                “How in the world did you do all this?” Jumin questions me. I point at the red-head in the room who receives a glare from the birthday boy. “Of course he did.”

                “Wait! I have a birthday present for you!” Luciel says as dramatically as always. He runs up and whispers something in Jumin’s ear so I turn my attention to cutting up the cake.

                “Your turn, _____!”

                “Huh?”

                Something slips into my hair. Reaching up, I find a pair of cat ears. Luciel holds up his hands like a cat, sporting his own set of cat ears. Everyone, even Jaehee and Zen, who hate cats, are wearing cat ears. Laughing, I fix the headband and look to Jumin. The man’s face is emotionless but turning red.

                “Jumin, are you okay?!” I press a hand to his head. “You’re burning up! Luciel, can you-”

                “I’m fine, _____,” Jumin interrupts with a bit of a cough. “Just a little lightheaded.”

                “Geeze. Well have some water and sit down. I may be a vet, but if you pass out, I don’t know what I’d do.”

                “I’m impressed he was able to keep his composure so well,” Zen hums as Jumin does as I instructed.

                I turn on the man who seems surprise that I’d heard him. “What do you mean?”

                “Ahaha, some men have more composure than others, in other words, they have certain resistances,” he says matter-of-factly. “Though, with his upbringing, I sometimes question whether that guy is more robot than man.”

                Yoosung speaks up. “That’s not really fair to say. He’s changed a lot these last couple months. He smiles a lot more.”

                “And who do you suppose is to blame for that?” Zen accuses, leaning over the boy.

                “Not me!” the boy cries out, covering his head.

                Zen stands straight. “Well no, definitely not you.” His red eyes bore into my own, a sly grin on his face. “Someone else.”

                “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I huff, folding my arms. “Jumin and I are just friends. There’s no way that…that he could like me like that.” Even I know I’m fooling no one.

                “Why not? Don’t you like him?” Yoosung is far more direct than I like.

                “He’s just a friend,” I repeat, hoping that if I said it enough times, maybe I’ll believe it. It’s not working.

                “Well it’s clear he wants more than that from you,” Zen replies. “Surprisingly. Normally that guy chooses to just stuff down all his emotions. It’s stupid really.”

                “Hey!” Luciel breaks into our conversation with a shout. He’s leaning over the table, lighting all the candles he’s stuffed into the cake. “It’s time to sing!”

                I’m relieved to break away from the conversation. Luciel, Yoosung, and I are the only ones truly enthusiastic to sing to Jumin, but he endures it with a small smile across his face even if it is sarcastic. Afterwards, the party begins to die down, not that it was all that wild to begin with, and people begin to head home.          

                I wave goodbye to Jaehee, who leaves me alone with Jumin, before looking up at the man.

                “That was fun,” I chirp at him.

                “That was unnecessary,” he sighs, sitting down. When he notices my frown, he adds, “But it was amusing.”

                “I think Yoosung ate more cake than anyone,” I mutter at the half-eaten dessert.

                “I’m sure he’ll regret that later.”

                I sit beside the birthday boy. “I’m sorry I didn’t really get you anything as a gift. I was so busy trying to put today together that I forgot to go shopping.”

                “I think the entirety of today is enough of a present,” he answers warmly.

                “Ugh! Do you realize how cheesy and awful that sounds?! I’m such an awful friend!”

                “Thank you for today, _____. I appreciate it.” His gentle smile just for me causes my heart to stutter. His face flushes and he looks away. “But I have to admit, even if you did get me a gift, you’d be hard pressed to surpass Seven’s present.”

                I scoff, “What? He didn’t even give you anything.”

                “You’d be surprised.” I huff, rolling my eyes and folding my arms. The next thing I know, the man holds up his phone.“Are you taking a picture of me?” I snap. He’s not even trying to hide the grin. “Why are you taking a picture of me?”

                “It’s part of my present.”

                “What the hell are you talking about?”

                He turns the phone around, showing me the slightly fuzzy picture of me being grumpy at him. That’s when I notice the ears perched on my head. I had completely forgotten that Luciel had planted cat ears on everyone, even the unwilling Zen and Jaehee. It finally strikes me what his real goal with the ears was. Instantly, my face breaks out in a flush. Groaning, I cover my face.

                Luciel, I’m going to kill you!

                “How about this time, you smile. You’re cuter when you smile,” suggests the man.

                I glare before spotting the ears atop his head as well. Taking in the whole idea and image, I drop the angry expression.

                “How about you take one with me?”

                “Hm?”

                Gripping his sleeve, I pull him closer, taking his phone from him. Considering he was slightly caught off-guard and forgot to smile, the picture of the two of us in cat ears is hilarious and cute at the same time.

                “Geeze, looking at this one compared to yours, you really suck at taking pictures,” I tease.

                “Either way, I have what I want.” The phone slips from my hand. The way he admires the picture is uncomfortable. It shows that emotion that I’m not supposed to be encouraging, but in the simple act of taking a picture with him, I was doing just that. I feel the cold guilt.

                Trying to push that heavy feeling aside, I give my friend a hug.“Happy birthday, Jumin.”

[angelofthequeers]

Hold Me By Both Hands: Chapter 49

Disclaimer: I don’t own ML.

Thank you SO much to everyone that’s stuck with this fic and read it to the very end!

@smolplantmum tagged as requested :)

Chapter 48 | AO3 link

“Selfish! Selfish!”

“Don’t you love me anymore, Adrien? Don’t you love your mother? All it takes is a wish –”

Cold, numb, frozen, not Adrien, not Chat Noir, no one, he’s no one, can’t feel, can’t see, can’t breathe, help, help, someone help –

Adrien gasps and jolts when the underground garden vanishes before his eyes and is instead replaced with a dark room, with unsynced breathing and warm weight all around him. Oh. Oh. Right. He’s not trapped underground with Hawkmoth and his dying zompire mother, her skin grey and black and wizened in the nightmare that haunts him every night. He’s in Marinette’s room, in the middle of a gigantic blanket pile on the floor, with Marinette snoring into his hair, Luka clinging to his left arm for dear life, and Kagami appearing to have an arm slung around Marinette’s waist, from what he can make out in the darkness.

He’s safe. He’s safe. But every time he closes his eyes, he can’t escape: from the comatose mother who couldn’t be revived due to the degree of Miraculous damage from the Peacock, whose funeral had apparently been earlier that week, though he remembers absolutely none of it; from the father who’d been sentenced to life in prison only yesterday in possibly the quickest trial ever held, the universe stripping him of both parents in the span of two weeks, and even Nathalie, who’s taken up damage control for the company but who’s never at the mansion anymore; from the chill, the freezing cold emptiness that plagues him when he least expects it, remnants of the akumatisation that he can’t remember. Have the last two weeks even happened? Or has he just been stuck in one, long, disjointed dream, to wake up before he becomes Phantom and to realise that he has to go through this all over again?

“Are you okay, Mr Adrien?” whispers a small voice. Something small snuggles into the crook of his neck, and Adrien’s breath catches in his chest until he reaches up to feel the softness of fairy wings and realises that it’s Nooroo.

“Sorry I woke you,” Adrien murmurs. Thank god none of the others had awoken, because they’ve been jerked awake enough times lately from his nightmares and there’s no sense in them being as miserably bone-tired as he’s been since Hawkmoth’s defeat.

“You didn’t wake me,” Nooroo says. “I can feel your emotional pain, so I’ve been staying awake to keep watch over you.”

“You don’t have to –”

“I do, Mr Adrien. I’m…I’m the reason why…”

Adrien shakes his head. Careful not to wake his partners, he untangles himself from Marinette and Luka’s grips and then tiptoes over to Marinette’s bed to climb out onto the balcony through the hatch. The Parisian night air is cool but not freezing, thank god, because staying in the cold for too long now makes Adrien’s heart race for reasons he can only assume are akuma-related.

“It wasn’t your fault, Nooroo,” Adrien finally says once Nooroo’s snuggling in under his shirt. There’s a flash of black and green out of the corner of his eye and then Plagg’s joining them, wriggling in on Adrien’s other side and purring against Adrien’s collar. Adrien slumps in his seat and hugs his knees to his chest, shivering when the cool breeze brushes over his bare feet.

“But it was my akuma, Mr Adrien. If it wasn’t for me –”

“Could you help it? Could you stop Father from transforming and akumatising people?”

“N-No…I tried to sway him, to push him away from evil, but he wouldn’t listen. And we kwamis are bound to obey our masters.”

“Then how is it your fault?” Adrien reaches up to cup Nooroo with one hand, then hugs Plagg with his other hand so that his own kwami isn’t left out. “You did all you could. He’s the one who chose to do that. He’s the one who went that far to get Mother back instead of moving on like a normal person. He’s…I feel like the worst son ever for even thinking this, but I’m glad he’s gone. I’m glad I don’t ever have to see him again. And then I remind myself that he was doing the best he could –”

“Nah,” Plagg says. “He really wasn’t. If he was, he wouldn’t’ve grabbed Nooroo in the first place. And you’re not a bad person for feeling that way, kid. He akumatised you. You can play pretend all you want, but you know how violating it is to be akumatised like that. The Butterfly’s meant to empower you, not do…that. And every other friend of yours can back you up, except for Pigtails and Guitar Boy, and Hawkdick didn’t go tormenting everyone else like he did with you.”

“Plagg –”

“Adrien. Kid.” Plagg wriggles free of Adrien’s hand so that he can float up in front of Adrien’s face, his bright green eyes holding Adrien’s gaze captive. “There’s nothing wrong with admitting you need help. You tried to deal with Lila’s touchy crap by yourself and look where that got you till you listened to your friends. I get your dad’s a massive pile of dicks and taught you that you can’t speak up when you don’t like something or when you need help, but he was wrong. You got those amazing partners down there and you got friends that’ll have your back through thick and thin. Lean on ‘em, kid. They’re there to take some of the weight.”

“But…” Adrien blinks rapidly to try and quell the stinging in his eyes, but it just causes the tears to well up faster. “If I admit I need help…Plagg, I won’t ever stop asking. What if it gets too much? What if they can’t handle me? I don’t think I could bear to lose them.”

“They won’t, Mr Adrien,” Nooroo says, still snuggling against Adrien. “I’ve felt their emotions since I bonded with Master Luka. They all care so much for you and all they want to do is help. And you’ll be there to help them in return when they need help. That’s what makes you partners and best friends.”

“Okay, but even if I said you were right – which you’re not – it’s, like, one in the morning,” Adrien says. “I can’t wake them up just for my angst.”

“Why not? You’d insist they wake you if the roles were reversed,” Plagg drawls. “And the fact that you’re calling trauma angst really says a lot about your daddy dearest.” Then he phases through the floor before Adrien can even begin to process that.

“Plagg!” Adrien hisses. “No – don’t you dare – I swear –” He groans and crosses his arms. “Stupid cat. Sometimes, I wish he’d just do what I tell him to do.”

“Trust me, you don’t want that at all,” Nooroo whispers. It only takes a moment of frowning down at the kwami for Adrien to realise the implications of what he’d just said.

“Oh, no, no!” Adrien reaches up to cup Nooroo again. “No, Nooroo, I don’t mean – it’s just something I say when I’m frustrated. God, I’d never…I could never treat him like that.”

“I know, Mr Adrien. I suppose I was just…reminded of unpleasant memories.”

“Adrien?” The hatch door creaks open and a mess of black hair pokes out, accompanied by bleary grey eyes, and holy crap, how can Marinette be so beautiful even when she’s half-asleep? “Plagg said you needed us?”

“I don’t need you,” Adrien snaps. “Wait, no, I didn’t mean – goddammit, Plagg!”

Marinette’s face softens and she holds out a hand. “Come back to bed, kitty,” she says. “Even if you don’t need us, it’s okay to want us.”

“But –”

“Adrien Agreste, if you’re trying to be a martyr, I give Marinette full permission to throw you off the balcony,” calls Kagami’s voice from inside the room. Adrien can’t hold back his snort at that, and that’s the opening that Marinette needs to climb half-out of her room and latch onto his ankle.

“I’ll stay here all night if I have to,” she says. A pair of arms rise out of the hatch to slip around her waist.

“Tell us when to start pulling,” Luka’s voice says. “We’ll get this cat on a leash one way or another.”

A burst of laughter splutters out of Adrien. He fails to hold back another one, then he’s devolving into such a hysterical fit of laughter that he slides out of his seat and ends up on his back on the cool concrete. Somewhere in the middle of his breakdown, his laughter turns to choked sobs, then the dam bursts and tears start streaming down his cheeks for the first time since before his mother had disappeared.

“Shh,” murmurs a voice, enveloping him in warmth, along with arms and skin and rustling clothes all around him. “It’s okay, Adrien. Let it out.”

He’s not sure which one of his partners had said that. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Not when they’re all there for him, each one supporting him all the same but bringing different warmth, different light waves, to him. Luka’s a vivid indigo, somehow both freezing and scorching at the same time, but not the kind of freezing that threatens to pitch him into unwanted flashbacks. Kagami’s a warm gold, fiery and brilliant but also subdued enough to dim herself when needed, to avoid overload. And Marinette’s a deep scarlet, hot and full of passion, throwing herself into life with everything she has no matter her guise, much more a crackling wildfire than a hurricane now that he knows her so much better. And maybe that’s why he loves them so much.

.

“We can’t thank you enough, Chloé,” Luka says once they’ve left Le Grand Paris to head back to Marinette’s place, with the Gorilla driving closely behind them. “I’m sure Adrien’s aunt is a wonderful person –”

“No need for pleasantries,” Chloé scoffs. “Wonderful person or not, no way is Adrichat going to live with that aunt and cousin of his. As if anyone’s going to let Chat Noir move to England, especially when I’m the daughter of the mayor of Paris…”

Honestly, most of what Chloé’s saying is going in one ear and out the other for Marinette. All she can focus on is the disturbing mix of both overwhelming emotion and suffocating numbness radiating off Adrien, easily detectable even without the empathetic abilities that Luka has or the little purple brooch that’s fastened to his jacket, disguised among other pins. But Marinette doesn’t have a clue what to do. How are you supposed to help someone who’s mourning their mother for a second time and whose father tortured them and now won’t ever see them again?

“The Gorilla’s cool,” Adrien says with a weak smile. “He knows I’ll be at Marinette’s or Luka’s or Kagami’s a lot of the time.”

“Or at my hotel,” Chloé supplies.

“Yeah, that. He doesn’t really care where I am so long as, well…he knows I’m okay, I guess. Physically,” Adrien adds just as Luka opens his mouth. “Thanks for helping him get custody, Chlo.”

“Hmph. Of course.” Chloé flips her ponytail. “I’ve known him for as long as I’ve known you. I wouldn’t trust anyone else to take care of you, Adrichat.”

“Sometimes, I wonder if Gorilla and Nathalie are the only two adults who ever cared about me.” Adrien’s shoulders slump. “Mother can’t have cared that much if – if she kept using the Peacock –”

“Hey.” Marinette stops and grabs Adrien’s hand. Kagami grabs his other hand and Luka, being the tallest, just wraps all three of them in a hug on the spot. There’s a little huff from Chloé, but she doesn’t complain about being left out like she might have just a few months ago.

“You don’t have to forgive her,” Luka says. “You don’t ever have to be okay with what happened.”

“Just so long as you don’t try to be a martyr and push us away,” Kagami says. “You’re so annoyingly self-sacrificing.”

“Yep, that’s Adrikins to a tee,” Chloé drawls. “Okay, like, can I have my best friend back?”

After a few moments, Marinette, Luka, and Kagami release Adrien to let him gulp in shuddering breaths. Chloé jumps onto his back, just like when she used to tackle and cling to him, except that this time, Adrien’s arms fly back to grab Chloé and hold her securely as she wraps her legs around his waist and clings to him like a monkey.

“Are you…giving her a piggyback?” Marinette splutters. Chloé flips her off.

“Buzz off, Dupain-Cheng. Adrien and I used to do this all the time as kids.”

“I just don’t think any of us imagined that Chloé Bourgeois would enjoy piggyback rides,” Kagami drawls. Chloé pokes her tongue out in response.

“If I never see my mother again and cop her “ridiculously childish” lectures, it’ll be too soon,” Chloé says. “Thank god she fucked off back to New York. I’ve never felt this light in years, and I didn’t even realise till now.”

“Last time I gave Chlo a piggyback was when we were nine,” Adrien says, nearly tripping over a crack in the sidewalk. Chloé shrieks and tightens her arms and legs so much that he chokes until she loosens her grip. “Then she sniffed at me and said that only babies did that, but she was a young lady.”

“Are you sure that you’re –” Marinette begins.

“The only reason I won’t deck you if you finish that sentence is because you’re Ladybug,” Chloé says without even looking at Marinette. Marinette’s pretty sure that it’s more to do with not wanting to upset Adrien by attempting to murder one of his girlfriends, but she manages to hold her tongue. Just.

“Please don’t kill my lady,” Adrien jokes, but the twitch of his lips is weak. Marinette and Chloé exchange looks, then come to an unspoken truce.

“Look, Adrikins, you’re not gonna be alone, alright?” Chloé says with an uncharacteristically soft look. “It’s not just me and your fucked-up father anymore.”

“You were nowhere near as bad as him,” Adrien says. Chloé just shrugs.

“Well, you’ve also got those three. And you’ve also got the Ladyblogger and DJ Tupac. I’m not gonna pretend I know how you’re feeling, but I do know what it’s like to have a parent put you through hell. As if I’d let you be alone.”

Adrien’s lips twitch and he stops outside the bakery and sets Chloé down so that he can hug her. “Thanks, Chlo,” he murmurs into her hair.

“Yeah, yeah, okay, enough with the mush!” Chloé protests, though she contradicts herself by moving her hands to his back to hug him. “I so don’t have time for this. Unlike you, I have places to be.”

“Really? Like where?” Kagami says. Chloé raises a perfect eyebrow.

“I…may be hanging out with Kubdel,” she mutters. Kagami tilts her head with an innocent smile.

“I didn’t hear you. Could you speak up?”

“I’m hanging out with Alix Kubdel because I’ve been thinking about her since the Sanguisuga thing, okay?” Chloé shrieks. With a huff, she crosses her arms and stalks off.

“Did I do something wrong?” Kagami says as Marinette holds the bakery doors open so that they can slip inside and head on upstairs. “I was only trying to tease her as a friend.”

“I guess it just wasn’t the right time?” Marinette says. Kagami sighs and looks down.

“I wish I could “read the room” better, as most people say. Now I have to go and apologise to her.”

“You can’t exactly help not being able to read the atmosphere sometimes.” Marinette waits until they’re in her bedroom to grab one of Kagami’s hands and squeeze, and Adrien takes her other arm and pulls her close. “What matters is that you realised you messed up and you need to apologise.”

“What Mari said.” Adrien leans down to kiss the top of Kagami’s head. Her cheeks pinken and she leans into his touch with a soft smile. “It did make me want to laugh, if that makes you feel better.”

“…A little, yes. We should –”

Whatever Kagami’s going to say is cut off by a colossal roar from outside that shakes the building and nearly sends them crashing to the floor. What the heck? An akuma? But that’s not possible! Luka and Nooroo are right here!

“It’s…a lava monster?” Luka says once all four of them have scrambled up onto Marinette’s balcony and are leaning over the railing to find the source of the sound a few streets away. “But how? I haven’t even tried to create any champions!”

“Oh.” Nooroo’s wings droop as he’s joined by Tikki, Plagg, and Longg. “It’s not an akuma. It’s a sentimonster.”

Marinette’s mouth dries until it’s more arid than a desert. “A sentimonster?” she croaks. “But that’s – the Peacock creates sentimonsters, and it’s not broken anymore since Master Fu got back from Tibet –”

“Indeed,” Longg sighs. “It seems that whoever has stolen Duusu and Roaar is Hawkmoth’s ally after all. It’s possible that we will also encounter a Tiger wielder, if this Peacock has an ally of their own.”

“Just when I thought it was all over,” Adrien groans.

“Are you sure you’re up for this?” Marinette takes his hand and runs her thumb over the back of it.

“I mean, I was kind of expecting it. I guess I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop since the Peacock and Tiger were stolen. But we’ve got something that the Peacock and Tiger wielders don’t have.” Adrien takes Marinette and Kagami’s hands, and Luka grabs Marinette’s free hand. “We’ve got each other.”

“That,” Marinette says, “was the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard, and I’m so exposing you in the group chat tonight.”

“But milady!” Adrien pouts. Marinette absolutely refuses to acknowledge the way her stomach flips and shivers at those kitty eyes, because there’s no way in hell she’s handing Adrien that victory. “I thought you loved me!”

“Oh my god, can you guys hurry the hell up?” Honeybee’s standing on the roof behind them with crossed arms, tapping her foot, as the four of them whirl around. “That thing’s not gonna ice itself! Shut up!” she splutters when Adrien grins at her for her joke.

“Ladybug! Chat Noir!” A slim figure with magenta-tipped brown hair and a tight magenta suit lands on the building next to the lava sentimonster. From this distance, the only details Marinette can make out are that her long hair is bunched near the end and her angular face is framed by two thick locks of brown hair. “Come out and give your Miraculouses up, or Mayura’s sentimonster and I, Felina, will destroy Paris! Where are you, Adrien?”

Adrien immediately throws himself to the ground in case the magenta girl – Felina, obviously the wielder of the Tiger Miraculous – happens to look his way.

“Looks like it’s time to introduce Morpho to the world, then,” Luka sighs. “Not that anyone will trust me. I’m pretty sure the sight of an akuma’s going to make them run the other way.”

“We did mention in our press conference that the Butterfly was in good hands now instead of evil,” Marinette says. “But yeah, I think Hawkmoth’s wounds are too deep to heal overnight. It can’t hurt to try, though.”

“We should transform before Honeybee Venoms us and throws us at the sentimonster,” Kagami says. Honeybee’s eye twitches.

“Don’t give me ideas. I’ll meet you losers there.”

Marinette grins at her partners as Honeybee leaps away. “Ready, guys?”

“But of course, bugaboo,” Adrien says from the balcony ground. “Plagg, claws out!”

“Always. Longg, bring the storm!”

“I’ll always have your backs. Nooroo, wings rise!”

Marinette’s grin widens at the sight of Chat Noir, Ryuuko, and Morpho before her. Morpho’s outfit is less formal and stuffy than Hawkmoth’s had been; his rich purple blazer is open over a button-down shirt that’s silver with black butterflies and artfully undone a few buttons down from his throat. The sleeves of both his blazer and shirt are rolled to his elbows and the lapels flare out like butterfly wings, and he also has a pair of black fingerless gloves and silver boots that rise halfway up his calves, over his tight indigo pants. His teal tips have turned the same rich purple as his blazer and, in contrast to his distressed formal outfit, his mask looks airy and delicate, with silver butterfly wings arching from the sides of his face, a silver butterfly body and antennae over his nose and forehead, and pale purple detailing that blends with the silver. The Butterfly Miraculous, now with four thin lilac spikes like wings, rests on his left breast.

“Not bad, Morpho,” Chat Noir says with his usual roguish wink. “I don’t know why you didn’t let us see this until now.”

“I was trying to get used to the fact that I had the same magic jewel as the major supervillain,” Morpho says dryly. “And it’s only the second time I’ve transformed.”

“Well, it suits you. A lot,” Marinette says. “It’s perfect for kicking sentimonster butt. Speaking of which…Tikki, spots on!”

[spywriter27]

Future meme! Future Luken pops in on everyone

I went a different route with this because of reasons. Mostly because I could tho, sorry not sorry.

“You lived a good life.” Ennis said, taking the man by the hand, “I’ll show you.”

Luken was slow to move. He aged while everyone around him didn’t. Life was a gift and he didn’t do what he needed to keep it. 

“I mean, Katie met the rest of the pack because of you. She and Derek are happy, look at their little pack growing.” Luken smiled as the memories of the past played before him. Laughing on the boat, the tour around Campus. Derek’s first run in with Collin. 

“She would have found him, it was destiny.” He sniffled, watching as Derek helped Katie achieve her first full shift and they ran. 

“And who was it that taught Collin how to be a good alpha? Do you think they would have found each other if you hadn’t stumbled into their lives?” The godling asked as a replay of Collin and Oliver's first meeting played before them. Oliver had him pinned in seconds and the shame everyone thought was due to being beaten turned out to be a hidden hard on in Collin’s pants. Something no one would know for years, long after they became a thing. 

“That wasn’t me, it could have easily been Katie or Luke.” He yawned, age took it’s toll and the last moments of his life line watching the past were getting a bit tiring.

“Was it really fair for you to give your husband crap for having a secret child when you’ve still kept your own secret?” Ennis asked, floating them through Kathryn’s bar. Watching as David’s pack beat the baby they’d put in him out. “No one’s told but people can see it in your eyes. A hurt like that can’t be hidden.” He said, reaching for his nephews eyes before being pushed away.

“All I’m seeing is a good life. What’s your point?” Luken groaned, rubbing at the wrinkles on his temples.

“Just one prayer, you don’t have to be the only one that dies.” Ennis snapped, “Surely you’ve noticed you aged faster, 56 shouldn’t look like a hundred and twenty for anyone let alone a wolf. You’ve ignored the gods you were charged with watching and they’re ticked. All you gotta do is pray. Just one prayer for the forgotten ones and you’ll be fine. You’ll see your grandchildren grow. You’ve done too much for this world for the gods to put you down now out of spite.”

“You play with time like a yoyo and you think I have a more profound effect?” Luken snorted as the godling pulled up several climate saving technologies and places that Luken had a hand in that helped stop the world from flooding. “Okay, that, that’s a good point.” He relented with a heavy sigh, “I have a question for myself I need to ask first.”

The godling nodded, taking them back in time, a day when the whole pack was together. It was shortly after Robbie was born, Oliver and Collin would adopt one of the hybrid wolves that Agency had recently taken in, in the coming weeks. That girl would give everyone a heart attack, even now as he watched Oliver pouncing around with her he was hit by how much effect Ennis said he’d had on all of this. 

“May I?” He asked, walking up to his younger self cradling the newborn. 

“Oh um, sure.” The younger man yawned, carefully passing him off, “Are you, um, one of Collins?”

Luken smiled, crinkles in his eyes, “He’s gonna go through a phase when he’s six, pretend he’s a cat for a week.” He said, dropping all the clues he needed, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Um sure?” Luken was blinking a lot, older him looked really sad and well, old. 

“If you could live forever would you?” He asked, playing with Robbie’s tiny fingers.

“I guess it depends on the price. Everything comes at a cost but, if it doesn’t come at anyone else dying then heck yeah. I’d live as long as the gods will let me.” His younger self laughed, “I have the best family, the greatest job and this planet isn’t gonna save itself. And when all of that is done. Nothing a giant library can’t help me pass my time with.” He laughed, “Can, can I ask what happened to you?”

Older Luken passed the baby back, shrugging with his hands in his pockets as he walked back towards the woods where Ennis was waiting. Age leaving him with every step.

The godling was not amused, pulling the now old but young wolf into the light with him, “Rude. You brat,” He snorted, “Don’t you forget. I’ll drag your ass through worse next time. I don’t want a new prayer keeper none of us do but stop slackin on us kid.”

“Kid? You hit on a goddess before years were a thing and you’ve been stuck at ten ever since.” Luken scoffed, laughing as he walked out into the field where Hunter was messing around with Oliver. “It’s always you two.” He sighed, shaking his head at the pair as he snuck up behind and kissed Hunter’s cheek, resting his chin on his husband’s shoulder.

“Everything okay? You seemed a bit off earlier.” Hunter asked, poking at Oliver every chance he got.

“Yeah, everything is as it should be. I was thinking, what about another kid? I know a fertility god or two who would be more than willing to gift it.” He asked, nuzzling in his neck.

[eph-em-era]

HOSPITAL! DRAMA!!

written for @brokenwoodfanpage‘s fic week - prompt was ‘hospital’

this is absolute crack. also available on the ao3

--

9.30am at Brokenwood Regional Hospital. It’s not the biggest of places, but it’s got a reputation for the cleverest puns, the steamiest situations, and a whole host of miracle cures.

People come from miles around to be cured of their ailments, and for the most part, Diagnostician Mike Shepherd and his team solve their case in a matter of days. It’s truly newsworthy.

Etc. 

But you’re not here to listen to the sciencey stuff. You’re here for the drama. The excitement! The perfectly M-rated raunchiness that can only be shown on TV at 8pm. That kind of thing. 

 Like I said, it’s 9.30am, and shiz is already going down.

 Immunologist Jared Morehu strolls out of one of the cleaning cupboards, clothes only slightly dishevelled, with another doctor in tow. He winks at the camera. It’s pretty obvious what’s been going on.

The other doctor - who probably should have a name or something, so we’ll call him Doctor Smith - backs him into a wall, staring him down intensely. The music swells, and we pull into a close up on their faces. 

Doctor Smith, with much drama, “Will I ever see you again?”

“I don’t know, e te tau.” Jared says, with a very dramatic sigh, because he might be played by a Maori actor, but he certainly talks like he was written by an all-Pakeha writing team with no cultural consultant. “Taku kuru pounamu. I’ll see you.” 

“Ohhh.” Doctor Smith sighs, and glides off dramatically down the hallway away from him, doctor’s coat swept up behind him as he goes. “I’ll never forget you, Jared.”

“Thank you!” Jared calls, but he’s secretly forgotten the other doctor’s name already.

 (It’s Doctor Smith). 

10am brings our intrepid team together for the first time of the day. There’s a new case. Neurosurgeon Kristen Sims has a mug of coffee she brewed at the office’s kitchenette. The pot is also on the table, but no-one else wants one (because she’s truly terrible at brewing it. Truly.)

Infectious Disease Specialist Sam Breen has his own cup of coffee, which he purchased at the coffee cart down the road, because he might be generally afraid of germs and what tiny little infections can be found floating invisibly through the air, but he’s more afraid of Kristen’s coffee. 

Mike’s there, also. He’s got his head stuck in a report, because he might be the lead character on a hospital soap, but he’s also the only one who actually does work.

They’re all just waiting for Jared. But, they all know Jared, and this is a sexy, sexy hospital that occasionally solves medical mysteries. He’ll turn up. 

 10.05am. Breen and Kristen aren’t even pretending to work now. Mike is still reading his report. Jared is nowhere to be seen.

Breen clears his throat. “Mike-”

 At that very moment, Jared runs in, his clothes, once again, heavily dishevelled. (To no-one’s surprise.)

“Sorry.” Jared gasps, out of breath. “Weather- y’know, bro?” 

 Everyone knows that’s a lie. But, they don’t mention it. It’s commonplace in this workplace. Hardly an issue.

 “Of course.” Mike says, and puts down his report. He holds the tension, just a little. “...Did you know we’ve got a case of smallpox in this hospital?”

“Smallpox?” Breen echoes.

Kristen gets it. This is a worry for him. Not just because of the pandemic risk, but also because overtime this week means he’ll probably have to miss his anniversary dinner for the third year in a row.

At this rate, no-one will actually think he has a girlfriend. 

 Kristen honestly isn’t so sure. 

 “Yes.” Mike replies, and passes copies of the case file out to them all. “Presenting with a rash, fever, vomiting, vertigo and sores in the mouth. The Ministry of Health is on-route.” 

“Shouldn’t it be left to them, then?” Kristen asks. “Stave off a pandemic, and all.”

“Yes…” Mike says, slowly. “But I don’t think it’s smallpox.” 

 Cue a rip-off of the Shortland St Theme!

12pm puts Kristen and Sam in the lunchroom. A grey-haired man with a cane sits at a table opposite, deep in conversation with a brunet. It's American. Sarcastic. Oddly reminiscent of something else...

Anyway. Kristen has a salad. It looks delightful. Sprouts, feta, kale, sunflower seeds - healthy stuff for healthy people. 

Breen has a milkshake. It is… less so. Think of a McDonalds milkshake, then add a whole lot more angst and ice cream. It’s very unhealthy.

 “Smallpox?” Kristen asks, eating her salad. It’s all very healthy and beautiful and stuff, and shines with a beautiful healthy glow.

(This writer has solely eaten bread today and is pining for vegetables. Don't judge.) 

Breen nods, pensively. “Smallpox.” He sips at his milkshake in a way that is very, very annoying. 

 The two Americans get up from the other table, with the grey-haired one shooting Breen an irritated look. There's no argument though, and the Americans leave. It's probably for the best.

 "Well, you definitely drove them away." Kristen says.

"I did not." Breen stops drinking his milkshake. "It's not like this place needs to be silent, though. Do you know them?"

"Not really." Kristen muses, fork halfway through a kale leaf. "The brunette works in oncology. I think the man with the cane is trying to get Mike's job."

"Well, he won't give that up easily."

 Before the pair can say anything resembling anything remotely intelligent, an alarm goes off. The normal bright white lunchroom lights switch to red. Steel shutters slam down over the exit doors and across the window locks.

It is all very dramatic, and certainly far too ridiculous for a middle of the road hospital in rural New Zealand. However, that’s what happens.

 “Quarantine?” Breen asks, putting his milkshake down.

“Quarantine.” Kristen affirms, and looks over to him.

 A look passes between them. As to what that look is, no-one knows! It’ll be revealed in about three hundred words’ time. 

Good.

 Down in the morgue, Gina blinks at the shutters for a moment, then turns back to the corpse she’s examining. Things like this don’t phase her, it’s not like she’s under Russian quarantine. 

 Now we’ve gotten that scene out of the way, we jump to Mike and Jared, who are also trapped together. However, they’re actually doing science, and not just eating their lunch, because they’re actually good doctors, though potentially very foolish ones.

The patient is in front of them. Outside in the corridor, MoH people wearing significant PPE are milling about, generally quite pissed at them. However, they can’t do anything about it, because Mike and Jared have willingly exposed themselves to the virus by locking themselves in the room.

 “I really hope you’re sure about this, bro.” Jared says, looking over at his boss a little nervously. “‘Cause if you’re not, you’re putting a lot of faith into our immune systems.”

“If we were going to catch it, we’ve caught it already.” Mike says, and fiddles with a piece of medical equipment. “Now, look at this.”

 Great! That wasn’t a pointless scene at all. Now, back to Kristen and Sam.

They’re arm wrestling. Kristen, unsurprisingly, is winning. She pushes Breen’s arm right down towards the table, and yeah, it’s real tense. 

Then, with one final push, she slams his arm right down against the tabletop. “I win!” She declares, though there’s really nothing to win.

Sam winces and shakes the pain out of his arm. “Not fair. I’m not left handed.”

“Neither am I.” Kristen replies, and grins over at him, only a smidge toothily. 

With an odd look in his eyes, he smirks, reaches out and-

Jared is examining something under a microscope. “What do you think, Mike?”

Mike leans in, takes his place. “You’ve got it-”

Back to Kristen and Sam. 

 “I can’t believe- You have a girlfriend!”

“Had. Had a girlfriend. And that doesn’t mean anything anyway these days. Just let me-”

Kristen exhales heavily, and trembles a little. “Sam. Please.”

Jared and Mike appear to have hit on something. 

“If you look at the historical journals of where the patient was diving - there’s an inconsistency.” Mike says, pointing at a specific paragraph of said journal. 

“You’re not kidding, bro.” Jared says, squinting out towards the MoH officials. “Do you think any of them speak Spanish?”

Kristen wanders away from the table, clothes a smidge dishevelled, and looks out the window. They’ve been in lockdown together for a full three hours and honestly, she’s sick of it. 

Breen is eating her salad, looking sweaty. Through a mouthful of leaves, he says, “Do you think they’ve forgotten about us?”

She shoots him a withering look. “Doubtful.” 

“Mhmm.” He stands up, wanders over to the window as well. He squints out into the sunlight. “Do you see Helen out there? She’s the best cat. 68 years old in cat years or something like that. Very not racist. Last time she let me pat her I almost felt honored.” 

“Mhmm.” Kristen replies. Then, after a moment, it hits her. “Breen. The journals. The cat in those journals.” 

“The cat?” He blinks, takes a second. His eyes widen. “Rickettsialpox.”

Kristen’s already got her phone out of her pocket, and she’s dialing Mike. 

“I can’t believe we were stuck in here for three hours for nothing.” Breen sniffs, looking out at Helen. “She’s a lucky cat, y’know.”

 In the end, it’s all wrapped up very simply. It’s not smallpox, but rickettsialpox, something that can easily be treated with antibiotics and a good night’s sleep. The MoH disappear as soon as they came, and Kristen and Sam are let out of the lunchroom.

Another day well spent, the team all sits down around the office table with fish and chips. 

 “What were you two doing while we were working?” Mike asks, curious despite himself. 

“Arm wrestling.” Kristen says.

Breen shrugs. “I was mostly looking at cats.”

“Breen has a boyfriend.” Kristen exclaims. “Never even said. All this time I thought he was with Roxy.”

Breen shrugs, again. “People change.” 

“Bro.” Jared says, looking interested, “You’re a hit with the tāne too?”

Breen shrugs, for a third time. “What can I say - who wouldn’t want this?”

Kristen snorts. Prolongedly. “Sorry, I just-”

 “What, so you two never-” Jared glances between them, and the implication is obvious.

Mike, obviously not in the mood for gossip, rolls his eyes, takes his fish and chips, and leaves the table. 

 “What?” Sam yelps.

“Never.” Kristen says, looking horrified. “No. Never.”

“Never in a million trillion years.” Sam finishes, looking over at Kristen. “Never. Ew.” 

 “Defensive.” Jared raises his hands in mock surrender. “I wasn’t implying anything.”

But the thing is, he’ll never actually know the truth, and neither will you.

[ziracona]

How many people were tested just for others anyway? Gordon's wife and daughter, Daniel (the wiki says it was also for shoplifting but he was 16 so I call bs), literally everyone except Lynn and her husband in Saw III, and my memory past 3 is fuzzy but that one lying author's wife comes straight to mind. They weren't being tested for whatever John pretended his survival of the fittest policy was they were terrorized tortured and/or killed for basically nothing but the pain of the target.

Anon you’re so valid TuT 

ITS TRUE AND WE SHOULD ALL SAY IT!!! Also, I wrote this little part last, bc I just wanted to give fair warning that I went blind into a rage and wrote threethousand words about how much I hate John Kramer, full of very terrible language and spoilers for Saw 1-6, because I go that fucking feral at the sound of his name, and I can’t make everyone scroll past that so I’m putting most of it under the cut, but even if you decide you justifiably fear that rant and don’t read it, just know you are incredibly valid, and John can eat shit and die. Rant start:

John did that bullshit constantly! He would over and over put 1 (one) man he personally wanted to watch suffer on trial and sacrifice /scores/ of people for no reason. No trap, no way to escape, at someone else’s mercy completely or maybe with 0 chance even there bc JOHN KRAMER IS A SACK OF SHIT. 

He kills a house full of drug addicts in two, mostly just bc his wife worked w drug addicts and John hates drug addicts, and even though Amanda was in their literal exact same position she does jack shit to stop him and just watches people slowly have their organs deteriorate and start coughing up blood around her!! Including fucking Daniel! Who got an antidote but like, at the 11th hour. Do y’all even understand how biology works John and CO??? If you neutralize a poison after it has deteriorated parts of organs it might save your life but itS NOT A FUCKING HEALTH POTION. Poor Daniel Matthews probably will only live to be like forty tops if he’s super lucky because of that. And he did NOTHING!!! He had shoplifted bc he was going through a teen phase but he’s like sixteen! Everyone was dumb as shit as a teenager, and most people shoplift at some point in their life! It does not earn you slow deterioration of your organs! Poor kid not only watched a man burned to death in an oven, dude have his brains blown out, girl die of prolonged organ failure, and more shit, he himself /killed/ a man as a sixteen year old child to save Amanda Young because he’s got a good heart and is a good person, and that shit is awful! It’s traumatic to kill someone at any age, but as a teenager? And then he got knocked out by her and thrown in a tiny locked safe, tied up and gagged, and kept alive by an oxygen tank in an enclosed space after that massive trauma for or AT LEAST 24 HOURS ! He did NOTHING. It was all just a long-con sacrifice to get Eric Matthews to a specific location. Eric did some real shit, but god, even after everything Daniel did for Amanda and all John’s talk of innocents, neither of them ever even tell Eric he lived! Amanda just locks him up, fights, beats him to she thinks death, and then John keeps him locked up and isolated in a cell for months, only to make him choke himself slowly in a test he doesn’t actually get to participate in to keep a friend from being electrocuted. It’s all kinds of fucked.

Even Jeff did nothing worse than be depressed and obsessive and unavailable to his kid, all Lynn did was have a boyfriend after she and he separated (and tbh the only reason John took her was bc he wanted a doctor and hated her for being one of the docs who told him he had cancer bc John is a pettyass hypocritical stupid sack of shit!) I’m VIBRATING with hatred. Lynn was just a pawn in Amanda’s test! It never mattered if she kept John alive! It only mattered if Amanda decided to fucking shoot her!!! She did her task and died and JOHN KNEW THERE WAS A HIGH PROBABILITY AMANDA WOULD KILL HER AND DID NOTHING TO STOP IT BC JOHN CARES ABOUT NO ONE BUT HIMSELF THE FUCKING WORTHLESS LITTLE WORM. 

And the other victims in 3 are a poor college student who ran over someone on accident and feels massive guilt already and served jail time for it who gets his fucking limbs and then head all twisted off while begging for his life because JOHN KRAMER IS A PIECE OF SHIT AND SO IS JEFF TBH. BUT NOT AS BIG OF ONE. The poor girl who is stung up naked in a freezer and sprayed repeatedly with water till she is encased in ice and dead literally just saw the hit and run and ran away bc she was scared!!! Not to mention Jeff’s other kid who gets kidnapped and locked up as collateral! Even if she’s not hurt that’s FUCKING TRAUMATIZING FOR A YOUNG CHILD. And Allison Kerry did nothing wrong! Amanda kills her in the Angel trap literally just bc she’s investigating them! When he targets a detective John’s always like “Ho ho he, I am putting you on trial bc you are obsessed with your work”  LIKE, BITCH NO SHE FUCKIN AINT SHE DOIN HER GODDAMN JOB AND U DON”T WANT TO GET CAUGHT YOU STUPID FUCKING WHORE I FUCKING HATE YOU SO MUCH THAT JUST LOOKING AT YOUR FACE CAUSES ME TO PRODUCE SO MUCH EXCESS EPINEPHRINE I COULD BOTTLE IT AND SAVE IT FOR LATER. I swear to god, if I had a grenade and I was in the room trapped with a still breathing John Kramer, I would kill pull the pin and take us both! FUCK I would pull the pin and then french kiss the grenade as thanks for letting me see that sack of shit go right to hell!

I don’t remember all of four bc it was really terrible, so I don’t have a lot of thoughts there except woof, but there was a lot of bullshit. Like John’s lawyer who did nothing but try to talk to him about finances enough it pissed John off got kidnapped, won his first game, and then got kidnapped again BC THAT SHIT HEAD SURE NEVER KEEPS EVEN HIS OWN GODDAMNED WORD and was made pawn in the game and then shot bc he didn’t have a chance to save himsefl!!! 

In Saw one, also, again, Adam was never being tested. He was just a pawn too. It was Gordon who got to decide to kill him or not, and ADAM LIVED TO SIX OR WHENEVER THE FUCK THE TIME WAS AND JOHN STILL LEFT HIM TO DIE BECAUSE HE”S A HYPOCRITICAL PIECE OF SHIT!!!! And he’s not interesting enough for Johns MASSIVE brainshlong that obviously is so full of right ideas and enlightenment you MICROPENISEDtrulyIDIOTIC self-centered human garbage!  He only took Adam at all bc he was there! He said the reason was Adam was pathetic! ADAM WAS DOING HIS BEST YOU CRUSTY ASS RED ROBED TURTLE LOOKIN MOTHERFUCKER. He was a freelance photographer in New Jersey in his early 20s during an economic collapse, and still nice enough to be taking care of stray cats you FUCKING sack of dogshit! 

And Gordon? All he did was tell John he had cancer! He was cheating on his wife too, but like, the reason John picked him was that!!! HE THOUGHT!! GORDON SOUNDED TOO COLD WHEN HE TOLD HIM HE HAD CANCER I FUCKING HATE JOHN KRAMER SO MUCH. John Kramer really will see someone smile not as big a smile as he thought they should have given him and be like: “Yo, is anyone going to corkscrew their eyeballs off?” and not even wait for an answer. I fuuuuukning hate him. And that little shitface thought it was somehow chill to order someone else to kill Gordon’s wife and eight year old child who had done JACK SHIT wrong ever if Gordon wasn’t willing to brutally murder a kid in his early 20s who had done nothing wrong????! WHAT THE FUCK. Mr. KRamer.. QUICK QUESTION. WHAT. THE. FUCK. You self-righteous, self-centered, pretentious, pettyass, sadistic motherfucking goddamn worthless excuse for anything!

In five he’s finally dead so I can : ) once. BUT HE STILL FUCKS UP SHIT FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE. SO I’m STILL MAD. All the people Hoffman kills are ppl John told him to, so HE STILL MOTHERFUKIN RESPONSIBLE. In 5 it’s a bunch of people responsible kind of for deaths of people in a low-income neighborhood. One guy was paid to torch an abandoned building, and eight people died in the fire, but he didn’t know anyone was there and feels terrible. He thought it was vacant, it was just arson. Another is a journalist who found out about the arson, and didn’t break the story bc guy 1’s father bribed him. There’s a fire inspector who learned the truth and was bribed by the guy’s dad not to tell too. A city planner who was bribed into selling permits for the land. And Brit, who was the girl who paid for the arson, bc she wanted to make an apartment complex, and maybe actually knew about the 8 people and might have deserved some real payback–it’s unclear???? Regardless. I want to add that the cops had been investigating, had a strong case, and were about to arrest them and hold these people accountable in a legal manner, which John knew bc HOFFMAN WAS IN HIS POCKET, and John so hated the idea of them facing justice justice, he kidnapped them. The fire inspector got dragged into saw blades by her throat and torn apart, the journalist died to a nail bomb, and the city planner got electrocuted in a bathtub. The two who made it had their arms split down the middle up to the elbow to let enough blood out to save them.  I cannot. Just.

Anyway. In six, again at DEAD JOHN WHO WON”T QUIT FUCKING EVERYTHING UP’s request, a ‘game’ is played and William Easton (one of my fave protagonists bc he’s a piece of shit but damn if he didn’t have a real glow up in forty-five minutes) is thrown into a hell circuit. 

And so, undeservingly, is like, EVERYONE he fucking knows! His janitor Hank is first up. Target for…what was it? OHhhhhh right. He smokes. That was why. That makes so much sense john I’m sorry I doubted you PSYCH I CAN"T EVEN SAY IT AS A JOKE I JUST THREW UP A LITTLE IN MY MOUTH JOHN QUICK Q? WHAT THE FUCK? oh wait it’s because your an ABSOLUTE BASTARD. You would think I would get desensitized but no. It just. It’s fuel on the flame of my rage.

William Easton and the janitor, Hank, are hooked into something that slowly tightens and crushes their ribs any time they take a breath, and whoever doesn’t die first gets to live, and poor goddamn Hank smoked so ofc he can’t outlast a healthy dude in his 30s and John crushes his ribs just to make William watch someone die. Then he makes William pick which of two people to save in trial 2. MEANING HE GODDAMN STRAIGHT UP KIDNAPPED THESE TWO TOTALLY FINE WITH EITHER DYING, IN FACT WITH THE SOUL PURPOSE BEING TO DIE bc who cares about them right John? You fucking pretentious self-righteous creep! I have a year of the Pig teddy bear I named after Peter Strahm JUST for the FUCKING satisfaction of knowing John would hate that bc he was so into year of the motherfucking pig. ANyway. Plot again. Poor file clerk at Williams firm and the poor secretary are the two targets, and literally they did jack shit!!! They work for shitty lawyers but all they do is clock in to a 9-5 and file shit!! They are literally just there to rub it in William’s face that insurance policies aren’t fair bc according to them, one of the humans is worth more than the other bc health and age, but uuuuh oohhh William the older one with health issues is p hard to kill face to face bc you know her and she has kids and the young healthy man in his early 20s family is dead and he doesn’t have friends which means according to John he is worth less bc JOHN DOES THINK YOU CAN CHOOSE BETWEEN LIVES and all of this is here just bc John somehow thought it would be fun to fucking WIN A GODDAMN “I’M RIGHT” ARGUMENT WITH A LAWYER at the expense of brutally hanging a human being with barbed wire!!! 

Sidebar–if John Kramer was a real human being, I would go yearly on a fucking pilgrimage to his grave just to SPIT on his stupid corpse. I HATE HIM SO MUCH. 

K so young man dies. Then test 3 his attorney dies too, I don’t know much about her, except she is just there to make William feel like shit and they were into each other, and she tries to kill William after he gets hurt trying to save her bc he has the key to her trap in his stomach or chest idr, but she doesn’t get the key in time and dies, and then test 4 he finds his associates strapped to a carousel with a shotgun that picks one at random and blows off their head, and has to let all but two of them get gunned down and choose which two not to kill. And again, they’re kind of shittyass lawyers, but uh. Yeah. To save two, he has to let this huge piece of metal rip through his hand, but William does it and destroys his hand to save the two he can, and suffers picking while they all beg him to pick them bc John wanted to see him suffer picking between human lives again because he’s a goddam self-centered stuck up jerk who vales human life less then admiring his ugly ass dick in the mirror every day and pretending he’s a member of Mensa, the evil utterly irredeemable sack of shit. Anyway, at the end, William has never had a chance to live or die at all! And John was literally just torturing him for fun and killed /all/ those people not even for a test for William but /solely/ to make him suffer bc human lives DON"T MATTER ONE FUCKING IOTA to JOHN SHITASS KRAMER. WHO JUST WANTED TO WIN. AN INTELLECTUAL ARGUMENT. POST-MORTEM. BECAUSE he’s THAT kind of shittyass, pretentious, sanctimonious, better than thou, always right, incapable of wrong, smartest fucking asshole in the room man!!! I bet he doesn’t ever wash his hands when he takes a piss! I KNOW IT! FUCK John Kramer! 

ANd OH! William gets killed by a kid who hates him bc he turned down their father’s insurance policy fraudulently, knowing he would die of an illness without the money. BC William was terrible. Which is /so/ great for that fucking teenager! Killing someone horribly with acid while you watch them die and their body be melted! And they beg you not to do it and apologize on the other side of bars, already beat to shit, and plead for forgiveness, and your mom begs you not to, and the dude’s sister sobs and begs you not to!!! SO GOOD! Way to go john you FUCKING CUNT, they definitely value their lives now you goddamn motherfucking souless sack of shit!

I-I don’t even have the energy to do the other Saw movies or go back over the other victims in Saw one WHO DID NOTHING WRONG. John just hated them!!! BC HIS WIFE KNEW THEM! In most cases! John just fucking hates drug addicts! OK u know what here’s the short version even if I can’t do them justice rn bc I’m pissed!!! One guy got sliced to death on razor wire for cutting when he was depressed bc John is a piece of shit, one got burned to death after walking on glass for hours bc John doesn’t believe in invisible illnesses and if you’re walking you must be healthy, oh yeah! And the fucking dude Amanda killed in her first trial was just a drug addict! Going to a recovery clinic! He never had a chance to live on his own bc the only choice was if Amanda would cut open his intestines and sift through him for a key while he was awake but too drugged to move or not, and she did! Didn’t even get to plead for his life! ANyway!!!! Fucking as far as I can tell all Zep did was work at the goddamn hospital! He WENT OUT OF HIS WAY TO BE NICE TO JOHN and told other people he was a cool dude!!! He was just a janitor!!! WHAT THE FUCK???

I just. God. I hate everything about John Kramer. The way he talks makes me so LIVID I change color like a goddamned chameleon. He is so ready to argue his stupid shitty fucking ethics with anyone who breathes in a ten mile radius. Shithead John over here will strap you to a table and make you listen to him talk about how it’s not his fault he poisoned two people and gave them one antidote and a bunch of knives and one of them came out dead, and his hands are clean and people don’t value their lives so they should die while he watches eating fucking cereal I am just–I am so glad John has cancer? Like, the idea of Saw sans John having cancer is unbearable, because I am so afraid the writers would never let him die and we would never be free of the human cancer that is John. The only human being on the planet that has ever been able to make me root for the cancer. But boy in that one and only regard, John is special.

I hate him so much it is unbelievable. Like. I can’t even put it into words. THe pure, unbridled fury I feel when I hear John say, “D’oh ho ho, but I, with these two little handies of mine, hath never pulled the gun’s trigger! Got you there! Where is your science! Where is your god! I am no murderer! I heal people! By sawing off their faces! You just do not understand, oh poor unenlightened human that you are. May you be strapped to a machete car and blessed with my wisdom  😔” I absolutely lose control of 90% of normal human functionality, and all that I have left is righteous justice and bloodlust. It’s unbelievable.

Whichever one of you god-mode-brain peeps made that post saying Eric Matthews had the hardest test in the whole Saw franchise because he had to sit and listen to John Kramer talk for two hours was a GODDAMNED HERO and if you contact me and prove the tumblr account is yours I will paypal you ten dollars and a personalized note thanking you for the joy that gave me because I just really hate John Kramer that FUCKING MUCH. I would cut off my own toes to be able to have something to shove down John Kramer’s throat to make him stop. talking.

There are a lot of things in this world I hate bc I hate things that are unjust, but I hate absolutely nothing more in the universe than a villain who is a self-righteous, hypocritical asshole who won’t even admit that what they are doing is wrong and parades as the tragic genius hero despite knowing GODDAMN well that they are a petty, shitty, hypocritical, absolute fucking MONSTER with no redeemable qualities or capacity for love. And John Kramer is at least my second least favorite character in the history of ANYTHING. Maybe my first. I’m not even sure anymore! Nasty-ass, evil, pretentious, self-righteous, shortsighted, selfish, sadistic, voyeuristic, willfully ignorant, crusty ass useless soulless garbage little SHIT.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #274

“now i can hear the marching feet / they’re moving into the street”

What color was the last swimsuit you wore? I only have a black one. Is your dream job attainable? I mean define “dream job.” I’d ideally be a meerkat biologist if I was willing to live in Africa and could handle even mild heat, but I can’t/won’t do either of those, so it’s not obtainable to me. I’d also love to be a paleontologist if I could travel and handle heat once more, but again, I can’t. My only *attainable* dream job is being a photographer, which I am aiming for. I’d LIKE to focus on nature/wildlife photography, but that’s unlikely to be able to support me, so. Do you have to go to school or work tomorrow? N/A Have you slept for longer than usual today? Yes, but only because of my nightmares. I tend to take at least two (though sometimes one) hour-long naps during the day because if I wake up once during the night, as I usually do, I’m fucked because I’m very likely to have an intense nightmare. It seems like the medicine I’m on wears off with consciousness, I guess. I only allow myself to sleep an hour at daytime because my mother has noticed if I have a nightmare, it’s usually no earlier than one hour into sleep. Even then I still have them occasionally. Have you ever taken classes for a musical instrument? Recorder in elementary school was necessary for whatever stupid reason, and then I played the flute for years. Out of school, I took guitar lessons for a while. I got semi-decent (at best I could do the intro to “Crazy Train” at normal speed, I think), but it didn’t last because it was annoying/time-consuming to build up the calluses that make playing painless, I was really bad at overthinking where my fingers were, and I just wasn’t invested quite enough. I’ll tell you, it gave me mad respect for guitarists, that shit isn’t easy by any means. Have you ever been on vacation with someone other than your family? Yes, though it was brief. I was a kid (okay, pre-teen, w/e) still in my separation anxiety from Mom phase and it was literally because of me we had to go home. I still feel shitty about it, though no one seemed upset at me. How old do you think you’ll be when you move out on your own? Who the fuck even knows anymore. Do you have a job? If so, where do you work? If not, do you want one? No; N/A; yes ultimately but no at the current moment because I have to keep watch over Mom. If you wear make-up, which brand of foundation/powder do you use? N/A Would you call yourself a “people” person? Nope. What is one change you need to make in your life this month? Just one??? What’s been tugging on your heart lately? My PTSD plus self-image has been very, very bad. What is the last thing you did that made you feel guilty? Mom had to clean up my cat’s projectile vomit even though she’s supposed to stay away from this kinda stuff through chemo. I literally cannot fucking touch vomit, never mind what came out of him that night. I felt like absolute fucking shit and I still do because WOW I’m a great adult right!! Do you have any physical traits that are bothering you lately? Like, everything. What kind of dog is your favorite? I’m biased to beagles. What was the last thing you received in the mail? A book. What is the last thing you wrote? Like, physically? My signature at the doctor’s office. Do you still care about the person you first kissed? Way fucking more than I should. Do you require a lot of private time? Definitely more than most people. Do you have any songs currently stuck in your head? I haven’t listened to it in forever for ~reasons~, yet “The Mortician’s Daughter” is stuck in my head badly and really needs to fuck off. What was the last song you downloaded? I dunno, I went on a download binge a while back. Have you ever read a really funny book? I remember at least one. “Bite Me” by IDR-Who. Some vampire satire. Have you ever done something humiliating while drunk? Never reached the point of being drunk. How would you react if your celebrity crush came to your door? fuckin YIKES I am NOT attractive rn go away Has your mom/dad ever walked in on you kissing or anything more with someone? HAHA my mom has always had the decency to knock, not so much his mom a;lwkejrewoei but the answer’s still no. What electronics are in your room? (DVD player, CD player, etc) This laptop, my phone, a Nintendo DS, my iPod… Do you have a box anywhere with special items you'll to keep forever in it? Yes, actually. Grew up calling them “treasure boxes.” Do you have any pictures of yourself on your bedroom walls? Lol no, I’d definitely prefer to not see myself as much as I can. That sounds melodramatic, but I’m being serious. It either depresses me or makes me angry. Does your dad collect anything? The Cleveland Browns’ football team stuff, for one. Maybe Carolina Hurricane stuff, too? Idk. I don’t live with him and don’t go in his “man cave” at his house often ha ha. What's better, a desktop or laptop? Explain. A laptop. Portable; that’s all the explanation ya really need. Do your parents still hide chocolate eggs around on Easter for you? Nah. What do you typically do on Easter Day? We go to my sister’s house to watch the kids do their egg hunting and open their gifts, then we usually go to Ashley’s in-laws’ for dinner. Is there anyone you literally need to exist? Apparently not. Thought so. Never let yourself into that state of mind. What would you prefer to get from a guy/girl: flowers, a hand-written poem, a picture he drew of you or a nice night out? Oh, a hand-written poem would wreck me, yeesh. Or a drawing. But any would be very sweet. Do you remember why you made the last mistake you did? I don’t know the most recent mistake, but probably because I’m just in general a terrified person who second-guesses or overanalyzes everything. Did you check how many calories the last thing you ate had? Yes. I’m back on my calorie-counting obsession again. Are your nails long or short? Short, always. I can’t keep them long. What is your favorite kind of cookie? Just the ordinary chocolate chip is fine. What was the last compliment you received? I don’t know. Who will be the next person you kiss? I normally delete this question because the answer should be so obvious, but I feel like just pointing it out that no one fucking knows who they’re gonna kiss next. It’s a dangerous mindset. Don’t make assumptions about what you’ll have even tomorrow. Have you ever made your own icon? Yeah, on many sites. They’re just about always just edits, though, not truly original work. What color is your computer mouse? It’s black. Have you ever been sung to on your birthday in a restaurant? Yes. Do you like black olives? I don’t like olives period. Do you actually think there will be a zombie apocolypse? Personally, no. I do think it’s scientifically possible, we already see this in insects, but I just don’t imagine it happening to humans before we’re our own downfall. Do you like the person you’ve become over the past years? Fuck no. Have you ever gone to church just to get a significant other? … No…? Have you ever punched a wall out of complete anger? No, that shit is terrifying. Are you really ticklish? YES don’t fucking touch me. How do you decide what you're going to eat each day? I just follow what I’m craving that day. How are you similar to your siblings? Different? Compared to Ashley and Nicole at least, I can’t think of any real similarities off the top of my head. They’re intelligent, motivated, outgoing, successful, yada yada, then there’s me. What's your favorite type of non-fiction literature? Autobiographies by people I’m actually interested in. Do you believe in souls? Soulmates? Souls, absolutely. Soulmates, no. It’s fairytale ideation to think your soul has a perfect match with another, hate to break it to ya. Favorite soundtrack? BITCH don’t make me choose between Shadow of the Colossus and Silent Hill 2. Fucking masterpieces. Pianos or guitars? *shrugs* Depends on the music and my mood. Did an animal ever bite you? Never seriously. How many languages do you speak? Only English fluently. I’m poor at German by now. Wiggly worms or bumble bees? Worms gross me out, bees are Good Boys. Religion? I don’t really identify with any. I just believe there’s some form of ultimate intelligence and essences beyond just the body, and that’s all I even pretend to know. Fog, thunder, or rain? Fog gives me that Silent Hill Vibe *Italian kiss* What regret keeps coming back to haunt you daily? The way I treated Jason after the breakup. If you could cure yourself of one allergy, what would it be? Damn pollen. Do you know anyone else with your name? Yeah. What would you be most afraid of happening if you were to visit Africa? Viruses or botflies. Where are you tempted to move to sometimes? I very legitimately want to live in Canada by now, but I won’t because I’m not moving that far from family. Who seems like they have the perfect life? I try not to make that assumption of anyone. Do you ever take pictures of negative moments? Does taking pictures of roadkill count???? lmao probably Do you think it would be a good idea to post photos of negative moments as well as positive? Well… I guess it depends. Like ngl, the pictures some people share of them having panic attacks to just show how fucking real they are definitely touch you, as do those depicting poverty, etc., BUT I really do think there are limits and also differences in motivations. What time zone are you in? EST. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? Wow, speaking of. No. ^Why or why not? I am an UGLY cry-er, my man. But I also just don’t want people to see that, and it’s definitely not on my mind to take a picture during a breakdown. What was the last thing you cried about? My life. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Yes. Do you know anyone who has twins? Yes. Where do you buy calendars from? I don’t. Do you shop at the dollar store often? Not *often*, but we’ll stop by for a snack or something sometimes. Are you following in the career path of any family members? No. Do you feel you missed out on a lot as a kid? I guess in some ways. Who was that best friend you ever had? Sara. What color is your laptop? Black. What are five careers you think you’d be good at? My work history has shown I can’t do shit right. Are you thriving in your life right now? lmao no one is in 2020. Who do you have moral support from? My family, doctor, and a few friends. Who encourages you to go after your dreams? The same as above. Do you have people in your family who want you dead? Wow, I hope not. Do you have a walk-in closet? No, but my room at the new house will. :’) Not that I need one, it’s just pretty cool. How do you feel about people like Elon Musk, Bill Gates, and Jeff Bezos having so much power and control in the world? Do you believe that any one person should have so much power? Let’s be real, in our current world, money is power, and no one should have that much control of the world, especially if your intentions are bad. NOW I don’t know jack shit about any of those are far as morals go, but just saying. It’s dangerous. Has your anxiety alone ever prevented you from doing something you wanted to do? This is ACTUALLY the story of my fucking life. Do you enjoy reading stories and novels that are heavily stylistic, poetic, or unconventional or do you prefer your prose to follow a familiar grammatical structure? Okay, I LOVE those, like Johnny Got His Gun and The Handmaid’s Tale that’s kinda like, run-on writing. Just letting a train of thought go. Those are two of the most powerful books I’ve ever read and they’re both written in a unique fashion. Have you ever fallen for any sort of Internet-based hoax? (e.g., fake celeb death, satire news article…) I’m sure at some point, especially as a kid. Do you tend to read reviews before you watch a movie or read a book? What do you hope to get out of doing so? NO. I don’t wanna have any precognition. When you go to a concert, how far must you travel for the most usual venues you visit? Most are on the other end of the state, and NC is long, so. We’re lucky if they come to Raleigh. Do you rent movies frequently? I never do, really. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Take pictures or swim. What’s your favorite meal to cook? I don’t cook. What movie has been taken WAY too far, as far as sequels go? Oh, I’m sure there are some, but none immediately come to mind. I’m not that into movies. Do you refuse to eat certain foods because of what they look like? Yes. I am VERY poor at getting past how a food looks. What are you listening to? NSP’s cover of “Don’t Fear The Reaper.” It’s fuckin gorgeous. How much homework do you have tonight? N/A Are you wearing any bracelets? Yes; one that Sara got me as well as an ovarian cancer awareness one. What's physically wrong with you right now? JINKIES I just feel really lethargic like always. Do you take any medications daily? Ha ha thanks for actually reminding me I need to now. When was the last time you moved to a new house? Two years ago, and now we’ll be moving to a much better place by the end of this month/early September, finally. When it comes to relationships, are you the jealous type? Nah. Which gift cards do you have in your wallet? Idk actually. It’s not like I use it a lot. Can you remember the last time you felt ill? What was wrong with you? A few nights ago. I was extremely hot, dizzy, and pretty nauseated. I was fine, though. If you wear make-up, do you take it with you, to reapply throughout the day? Does your make-up stay for a long time after you first apply it, or do you find that you need to reapply often? Are you wearing any make-up atm? I pretty much never wear makeup so have never really had a reason to reapply it. I’m definitely not wearing any now. Does your kitchen have a theme? No. Do you like ice cream sandwiches? GIRL yes. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Earbuds. They’re more comfortable imo but more importantly block out exterior noise very well. Are you a fan of any independent films? ngl, I don’t know exactly what that is and I don’t feel like looking it up. Could you possibly write a successful novel? I very genuinely think some of the RP stories I’ve taken part in are novel-worthy, yes. I wanted to make them books when I was younger, but now I no longer do mainly because there are areas that are just way too fucking dark that I don’t wanna put out there but play massive parts in the stories, so like… Do you regularly watch the news? I never do. Facebook is my “news” source lmao. Who was the last person you video-chatted with? I don’t remember for sure, maybe some doctor? What do you want the theme of your wedding to be? I don’t really think about this, seeing as my mind has changed enough, and it also depends on what my partner wants, too. Have you ever been caught passing a note in class? Noooo, I absolutely hated passing notes because I was genuinely a good student. I only did so very, very rarely if another friend started it. Have you ever had dandruff? I have dandruff AND a dry scalp. It’s a wonderful mix. Have you ever gone through a phase of crushing on EVERYONE? Definitely not. Do you have any clothes with spikes/studs on them? I have a spiked choker, and I might still have gloves with studs? Can you remember what you last clapped for? My mom’s birthday! :’) Have you ever given a pet to someone else? Yes, with cats; we had to do that quite often when I was a kid because we had so many cats, none which we could afford to fix. Then we’ve done it with two dogs we just couldn’t handle. Oh yeah, I gave my iguana away too because he was too high maintenance for me, but also because he DESPERATELY needed a much bigger terrarium, which we couldn’t afford. I absolutely could not watch him in that tiny tank. I miss him a LOT, but he went to a wonderful home! The lady who adopted him sent me pictures upon pictures months after taking him in. Do you know anyone named Walter? No. What's your least favorite ice-cream flavor? Strawberry is fucking disgusting. And that’s coming from someone whose favorite fruit is strawberries. What's your least favorite song by your favorite artist? I’m not sure. There’s a handful that just don’t grab my attention that I don’t even remember them. What was the last good news you heard? I can FINALLY talk to my psychiatrist tomorrow. Who’s your favorite singer of all time? Probably Freddie Mercury. What airline do you fly most? Idk, I don’t really pay attention. I haven’t flown very often though anyway. Do you have a dog that is destructive? I don’t have a dog. What’s one TV series you’ve seen every episode of? Meerkat Manor is the most obvious, ha ha. Maaaaany times. Assuming you have Facebook, who last left you a wallpost? Probably my friend Sammi. Assuming you have hair, how are you wearing it today? It’s too short for me to “wear” it any particular way. It’s just… there lmao. Assuming you're not homeless, what kind of living arrangements do you have? I live with my mom in a house she’s renting. Have you or have you ever considered messing around with the same sex? I’m bisexual so you can guess I’m not opposed to it. Are you particular about any brands of food you will or will not eat? Are there any restaurants you refuse to go to? Brands, no. I don’t eat Chick-fil-a because they’re run by fucking homophobic bigots that monetarily support conversion therapy and other anti-LGBT projects. I’m not giving you any fucking money. What was the most current dream you can remember about? Do you generally dream every night, or hardly at all? It was actually last night, when I dreamed about accidentally running into Jason where I last knew he worked, and he was really hostile. If I don’t take my medicine, I always have nightmares when I sleep.