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#ALSO I DIDNT PROOFREAD THIS SO SORRY IF ITS HARD TO UNDERSTAND
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CHAOS THEORY TRAILER SPOILERS CUZ IT BLEW MY FREAKIN MIND OMGG
FIRST OF ALL BROOKLYN DEAD?? OMG it hardly sunk in and yet I’m still shook I HOPE SHE EITHER ESCAPED OR JUST CAPTURED PLEASE DONT BE DEAD DEAD
also side note I feel like they would be freaking out more if she died??? Besides worrying for themselves in danger like more sad ig for her (especially Kenji, like dude ur gf died???) They prob will in the first ep of the show tho
THEIR CHARACTER DESIGNS ARE SOMETHING like idk what to feel they’re not bad buts at the same time I feel a little weird about them MAYBE ITS BECAUSE WE SAW HOW THEY LOOKED AS YOUNG PPL SO ITS ODD TO SEE THEM GROWN UP
LIKE I SAID THEY KINDA LOOK LIKE SIMS
YAZ HAS BANGS?? ITS COOL THO LIKE SHE KINDA LOOKS BADASS
DOES KENJI HAVE A BOWLCUT 😭😭 SOMEONE GIVE MAN A GOOD HAIRCUT
BENS DESIGN IS GROWING ON ME (still a Bit goofy)
DARIUS LOOKS GOOD AS ALWAYS
SAMMY LOOKS CUTE SHE HAS SHORT HAIR AND I THINK I SAW PINK
BROOKLYN I COULDNT REALLY SEE BUT HER HAIR WAS DYED SOME COLOR AND IT WAS SHORT AND TO THE SIDE? HOPEFULLY WELL HAVE MORE THAN JUST THAT ONE CLIP OF HER
THEY ALL LOOK DIFFERENT FROM THEIR FINALE DESIGNS BUT IN A GOOD WAY
I ALSO WISH WE CAN SEE THEYRE FULL DESIGNS
IMMA GO THRU THE TRAILER LATER AND LIKE PAUSE AND SCREENSHOT EACH PART TO SEE HOW THEY LOOK PROPERLY IM JUST EXCITED RN
OKAY NOW THE PLOT
SO OBVIOUSLY “someone’s hunting us Darius” SO SOMEONES AFTER THEM
it’s prob someone new and I’m guessing someone from either the government or Jurassic world just someone powerful
everything’s def gonna be darker which I’m excited for!!
also they said they’re using raptors to hunt them and I’m not sure by that so maybe they mean like they’re controlling them again or idk
im kinda forgetting the trailer so imma rewatch again and prob make another post saying more BUT THIS IS A LOT ALREADY
AHHH SO EXCITED FOR CHAOS THEORY
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pixieskie · 9 months
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˖˚˳⊹"i really do love you.. im sorry"˖˚˳⊹
-warnings: Angst, depress!on, su!c!dal thoughts, detachment, scars, body dysmorphia, disassociation, not proofread, chubby reader. -chars mentioned: Scaramouche -wc: 0.6k -a/n: i dont even know what to say.. Um this is .. something.. enjoy?
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as someone who felt every emotion more intense than others, it also meant feeling more sad. it should've been fine but you simply couldn't feel happy.. you have friends and family but still felt so lonely..
“helloooo” scaramouche waved his hand infront of your face to get your attention.
Suddenly looking up, you see him frowning at you. “what’re you thinking so hard about.. do you not wanna watch the movie?”
“sorry.. i just spaced out” you said embarrassed.. “just continue the movie, ill pay attention this time”.. Scara simply muttered a small ‘fine’ and resumed it.
Scaramouche is your best friend, the one you share everything with. But.. he could never understand the depth of your emotions.. The void you feel inside.. The aching loneliness that consumes you at every moment.
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“Yes lets go to the beach!! itll be perf....”
“ooh i just bought a new bikini…..”
“wont it be too sunny? ill get tanne….”
you drowned out their conversation and thought of excuses to skip… you had no other choice.. a bikini wouldn't cover your scars, stretch marks or tummy fat.. it would be on display for everyone to see your insecurities and then they'd hate you.
“guys im sorry but i have to study this weekend.. exams are close”
“again? but didnt you say the same last week…”
“oh come on! itll be so fun…”
“ugh she does the same everytime…”
Ofcourse they wouldn't understand.. They had the perfect body..
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The words were blurred as you tried to read them.. Nothing made sense to you anymore.. Your exams were near and you have to study but the words together don't make sense anymore..
Sighing, you went to splash some water on your face to wake yourself up. Looking up into the mirror, you saw failure.. Someone who cant study.. Someone who wouldnt be able to make a living..
You sat back down at your desk.. You can study and change your future right? its just a book..
But.. you cant make yourself read the words anymore.. you felt so tired..
Why cant you also be like others?.. Everyone else is so successful and perfect.. They have good grades, perfect body and happy lives..
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You sat on the edge of the roof.. This used to be your hang out spot with Scara but eventually you both stopped meeting there.
“where the fuc- YOURE HERE?” Scara dramatically sighed, huffing. “Ive been searching all over for you. Come on, ive made dinner.. you have to eat something”
You chucked softly at his caring nature and nodded silently.. “Scara?” he was about to leave but turned back to look at you “yeah?”
“I love you”
He chuckled in confusion “yeah yeah i get it, i love you too. no need to get all sentimental with me, its just dinner.”
You turned back to the sky once he left. He probably went to your kitchen to fill a plate for you..
You smiled at the thought. He was the best person you could've asked for..
And it hurts. He cared for you so much but you couldn't appreciate it..
Leaving never had to be this painful.. But a tear fell down and you closed your eyes, recounting your memories..
There were so many happy moments you never got to enjoy.. Sad moments you stayed numb.. And the huge gap in your memory.. and nobody knew how you felt because you never let them.
‘Im so tired… Im so tired..” You looked at your feet, dangling off the roof.. ‘i hate this .. i dont wanna do this.. but theres nothing else to be done’
You took a deep breath in.. “i really do love you.. im sorry”...
…..
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tags: @rubywonu @stygianoir @unsavoy-melon @kashiiwi @babbledabble25
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charlewiss-writes · 2 years
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make damn sure / charles leclerc
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day 19: wonder (part of one-word november prompts!)
word count: 1.5k.
pairing: bff!charles x reader
summary: being the hopeless romantic that you are, you've been dreaming about your special other your whole life. you're talking to your best friend pierre about the dream guy. what if you already knew him?
author's note: not proofread, so for sure many errors lmao. hope its still understandable (? also, im sorry for the delay! will try to have day 20 ready soon but its one prompt i really like so i dont want it to be short :( ill see what i can do! thanks for sticking with me through almost 20 days already!!
since being childhood friends, charles, pierre and you were inseparable. going to school together, joining them on their karting days, them joining you in your school plays. you were always there for eachother, without doubt. so when things started to get complicated at your house and you decided to move, they were 100% in. and that's how you ended now, two years after living with them, in the couch while talking to the frenchman.
"don't you wonder sometimes?" you had started the conversation, voice dry after hours without saying a word. it went like that sometimes, all too busy with their stuff: sometimes, even though you lived with two other people, thanks to their jobs, it seemed like you lived on your own. pierre straightened himself a little on his seat and turned his body towards you, so he could look into your eyes as he said "about?".
immediately regretting your decision to bring this topic to the table, you tried to back off. "well of course you don't, you already have a girlfriend" jokingly, you said. that only seemed to interest the boy in front of you more, being one that didnt like to leave things unresolved. "what are you talking about?". after knowing you for so long, they already knew you were a hopeless romantic at heart, but still, it made you nervous to talk about it out loud, being aware that it could seem ridiculous to others. "promise you won't laugh about it".
"when did I laugh to you?" he said, tilting his eyebrowns like you were telling him something unbeliavable. but you two, having the brother-sister relationship that you had, knew that he was blantantly lying as he always made fun of you, as you made fun of him too. seeing your glare, he laughed before saying. "fine, I won't, i promise". still, you took a bit of time before actually telling him what had been on your mind all day. "I don't know, I started to think about how everyone has met their significant other but I can't seem to find them".
"what if you did already? you know plenty of people".
you fully laughed at him, with no means to offend the frenchman. it truly seemed hilarious to you that he would believe that. "I think I would have realised if a certain person with all the qualities that I look for passed in front of me, pierre. I'm not dumb".
"you sure?"
and if look could kill, you would've been charged for murder. "you're being awfully mean to me today, pierre".
"it's cause you're so blind sometimes, like you purposely don't want to see". he looked pissed off now, and the change between his playful tone and this much colder one threw you off. "see what?" you asked.
"the way he looks at you".
it was a common discusion betweet you two, ever since you realized that you didn't love both boys the same. and although yeah, you cheered for their wins and stood through their hard times the same, the smile that adorned your face was different when you were greeted at the other side by the grin of a certain monegasque, who you also lived with. but for you, he was completely off limits. and you were okay with that, with being alone on the sidelines cheering for him, not expecting anything else from him. "oh shut up. you know we're just friends".
"if telling yourself that lets you sleep at night, go ahead. but you have to know that its okay to fall in love. if it goes wrong, i'm sure we can figure it out: you won't lose us. but what if it goes right and you're wasting your time? won't you like to know?".
"know what?".
the voice of a certain someone startled you. it wasn't like you didn't know he was in the house, but after a few hours asleep you had forgotten about him at all, otherwise you wouldn't be talking about this topic in the middle of the house. "know why she likes to talk about deep topics when we should be asleep" he quickly managed to answer, and even though it wasn't a lie, it felt wrong to lie to charles like that. "but why don't you two continue with the chat, eh?, i'm sure charles as more answers than i,he's smarter after all". the monegasque laughed at that and punched his arm in his way out, while he entered the room and started to get comfortable in the same couch that you were sat in.
"i love talking about deep topics, why don't you ever talk to me about it?" he sounded genuinely hurt, like the fact that you preferred to talk about certain stuff with pierre over him really bothered the ferrari driver. "thought you were asleep, charles". and it wasn't a lie.
"don't you trust me?"
"don't be silly, cha. I didn't want to bother you, that's all"
"you could never bother me".
after a few moments in silence, where he directed his eyes towards the ceiling instead of looking at you, he said, softly this time, like he truly didn't want to wake pierre up with his tone. "pierre's right. we need to talk. i want your opinion about something". at that, you clearly became more interested in whatever charles had to say. it had been a while since you two really talked, since he was always away, and when he wasn't, you were the one with the busy schedule. "it's really really really complicated, but i think i like a girl, and i don't know how to talk to her about it".
ah, that's it. that's your worse nightmare coming true, once again.
obviously, being the pretty boy that charles was, always so well manered and the perfect boyfriend that a mother could ask for his child, it wasn't the first time that he had a partner. but as the time went on, you knew he was getting more serious about the whole dating thing, and it scared you to think about him settling in for someone lese. someone that wasn't you. so, after all the years that passed, it still hurt quite a bit to hear him talk about other people in the same way you wished to be talked about.
after a few minutes where you didn't say anything, too stunned to actually answer him, you started to get self concious. obviously, he for sure saw how your face dropped when he told you that. would he realize that you had feelings for him all this time? would he feel betrayed? after all, he thought that you were only his friend, and thats why he was telling you this in the first place.
"you don't get it, do you?"
you furrowed your browns, now confused at what he was implying with that last sentence. "what do i have to get?".
he laughed about it and took your hands into his, to gently brush your fingers over your palm. "i'm talking about you, silly".
"what do you mean? why?".
his deep greenish blue eyes looked straight at yours, and it was impossible to pull away from his gaze. he softly started to answer your question. at least the one you had told him about, since your brain was already a mess with all the questions you had for him. since when? how didn't you see it before? did pierre knew about this? was that why he always talked to you about it?
"cause i've been in love with you for my whole life, more or less. i was just too scared to ruin things between us, but pierre talked me into it. said our friendship is bigger than anything that life could throw at us. and im confident we can work things out, you know? we have known eachother for so long. i know you like the palm of my hand. and you know me the same. please, don't tell me you didn't think about it, at least once, y/n".
you smiled, knowing about the endless times you had fallen asleep to the thought of you two together. wondering exactly this, if you could ever work out. how, each time, pierre and you talked about what you were looking for, you were, knowing or not, describing the boy that was in front of you, looking lovingly into your eyes. "i think about it all the time, cha".
"and why didn't you say anything before?" he reached for your face, gently caressing it with his right hand. "cause we're both dumb, i guess. but i think it's for the better, no? we've grown so much. we know how to make this work"..
"i'm gonna make damn sure, love".
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lokilysolbitch · 9 months
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SYMBOLISM ART
hey bbygworls for anyone who is like me and did not fucking understand english class and symbolism i have a simple explanation
okay. light bulb. think what are light bulbs associated with. light. it helps you see. inspiration. ideas ("lightbulb going off above your head").
if you are writing or reading or drawing a guy who had an idea. maybe the guy will be under a light bulb. in writing, the author may say he is under a lightbulb. you will read is and say "why did they specify that?" if youre asking that, they probably wrote that in for a reason. the reason may be symbolism. if a guy is drawn in a dark room, and he is under the only light bulb in the room, OR if hes in a well lit room but the light above his is especially bright, it might be symbolism. if he is the only guy in the drawing standing under a lightbulb in a room with lots of lights, even if that placement puts him in an awkward placement in the drawing, it might be important. maybe symbolism.
okay. new word. break. what is that associated with. its violent. it could be loud, or accidental. lets compare it to snap. snap is a clean break. its quick. its contained. break, in comparison, is explosive. messy.
so we have the light bulb, symbolising an idea. what if the light bulb breaks?
the idea didnt work. it blew up in someones face. messily. the light bulb is broken? the idea is gone. its out.
so say you want to express in art that a guy used to have an idea, but it backfired bad. instead of writing "he had an idea and it failed", you might have your character get the news that his idea is going wrong, and a light bulb breaks above his head. ooh foreshadowing. you can draw a character with a concerned or disappointed or fearful expression reading over a plan or a blueprint and a broken light bulb is hanging above his head. in a poem instead of saying "my idea is bad. oh i am sad" you can say "light bulb broken, wires smoking"
there you go. i am sorry high school teachers try to explain this to you with old old books. it is hard to learn how to do this when you are busy the whole book translating things like knaves and joint stools into modern english. of course you will be less familiar with what a spindle symbolises. you have never used one and it is also 7 am on a wednesday.
okay practice question. what could a burning blanket symbolise
blanket- comfort, familiarity, warmth, childhood, home, protection (because kids feel safer under blankets)
fire- destruction, light, warmth but much more heat then a blanket, cleansing (in the way it burns everything until there is nothing. like a clean slate). its also associated with passion, creativity, or anger by a lot of people
with all these associations this could mean a lot of things but the first thing to come to mind would probably destruction of comfort, or of your childhood, or of your feeling of safety and what is familiar.
if you wanna REALLY get into it, you could say it is warmth and comfort, but to the point it gets so hot it burns and destroys itself. like the consequences of staying too long in your comfort zone. idk
you may have had other ideas for associations, and those aren't wrong if they weren't in the list. symbolism is subjective and you had a creative interpretation. sorry they take off points for that in school.
i very hope this helps you create and consume art. it hits different once you know WHY the artist put things in places. art gets much more magical, including your own work.
as always i did not proofread this
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technowoah · 3 years
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Be Okay
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Dream won't drink water and it gets out of hand
- Dream x gen! Neutral reader
- Anon requested!
Prompts!
4) "I never fucking wanted this/that!"
5) "Please stop talking for one damn second!"
11) "It's not important apparently"
⚠︎ angst to fluff, swearing, angery dream. This is kinda a blurb instead- not proofread
Masterlist
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You thought about knocking on the door softly to alert Clay of your presence but then immediately thought against it. You didnt even want to go in there and interrupt him and his editing process because he told you strictly not to interrupt him because he was focused and he didn't want to lose his focus.
Clay was a hard worker, and everyone knew that. You admired that about him, you admired his dedication to his fans and his work, but you were worried about him right now. He hasn't came out of his room in about an hour and a half. Clay hasn't eaten all day, and hasnt taken care of himself.
You came over his house earlier that day to see him still in his bed. You laid in bed with him, which he accepted your hugs and cuddles, but when you asked what was wrong he never answered or just brushed oft the question.
Now Clay was stuck at his computer and the first time you tried to give him some water he brushed you off saying. "Dont bother me right now, I'm trying to stay focused." At the time that hurt you, and it still does so you didn't enter his room until now.
You stood at his door with some water and some pizza rolls. You were nervous of how he would react, but he needed to take a break. You wanted him to relax and not stare at the bright computer all day. His eyes were probably strained and he wasnt taking care of his body.
You gained the courage to knock on the door infront of you first time softly and then the next a little bit harder. Both times there was no response, so you decided to go inside of his room. The only light in the room was coming from the daylight outside from the open windows. At least he was getting a good breeze. Clay didnt even spare you a glance and continued typing and clicking on the computer.
"Clay." You said cautiously.
"Yeah?" He responded bluntly. You didn't want to already be annoyed by his attitude.
"I made some pizza rolls and got you a bottle of water. You need to eat."
Clay scoffed. "No I don't, Im fine. Im breathing."
"I need you to eat though!" You placed the food and water near his keyboard and crossed your arms.
"I. Dont. Need. To. Let me work." Clay said facing you for a minute and then went back to his work.
"I have been letting you work for the past half and hour! Can you take a break? I know Im being annoying, but you need to take care of yourself."
Clay looked at the food near his computer and took the bowl and held it out for you to take from him, but you didn't take the bowl put of his hand.
"Can you just take this shit away." He said grumbling.
"There's no need to swear, why can't you just take a break and eat? Its not gonna hurt your process."
"The reason I want you to take this is because I'm not starving! Im actually getting interrupted by you forcing me to eat!" Clay started yelling.
"I never fucking wanted this!" He said gesturing to the bowl of now cold pizza rolls in his hand.
"I only want you to fucking eat! That's it! Is that too much to ask?!" You yelled as he shut you out again. He returned editing his video and let out frustrated groans because he messed up a clip and had to redo it.
"It's not that important apparently." You rolled your eyes. It was petty of you, you could've just left it at that and talked about it later.
Clay banged the table with his fists. "Please stop talking for one damn second!" He yelled more violently this time, you could bet the neighbors heard him.
You weren't going to let tears fall. You weren't going to show Clay that you were weak, so you stormed out of his room and slammed the door behind you hoping he heard that loud and clear. You threw yourself onto tbe couch and sobbed into your hands, you then grabbed a throw pillow and cried into that trying to muffle your frustration. Staying like that until you calmed down you traveled to the kitchen to grab a bag of chips and went back to the couch to put on some mindless TV shows to distract you from the chaos that happened before.
Halfway into your tv show you heard someone coming down the hallway, but you didn't bother looking towards them to greet them.
"Hey y/n!" You turned around to the different voice who spoke and saw that it was Nick who spoke to you who was now walking to sit by you. To be honest you forgot that Nick was even in the house when you went to speak to Clay.
"I heard some yelling in the other room and I wanted to know what was going on are you okay?" Nick asked while sitting next to you.
Damn, you felt bad that your quick fight had turned into yelling and Nick overheard.
"Yeah, Im fine. I cried into your throw pillows, but me a Clay had a huge fight about him overworking himself." You said tapping the throw pillow on your lap. "Long story short he's probably still mad and now I feel like shit, I might go home. Also I'm sorry you heard that!" You rushed.
"No, it's okay. I really wanted to know if you were okay. I heard you crying too, but I didn't want to intrude." Nick said while putting a hand on your shoulder. "Do you want me to drive you back?"
"You dont have to Nick! But its appreciated."
"Do you want me to tell Drea- Clay?" He asked awaiting your answer.
You paused before answering Nick. "I'll- I'll go tell him." You said confidently.
"Positive?"
"Positive." You stood up and walked towards Clay's room for the third time today.
"I'll be ready when you're done!" Nick yelled down the hallway.
You were at the same place you were a few minutes ago. This time you didn't hesitate to open the door and face Clay again. Your heartbeat quickened, because of the fact that you didnt know what would come out od Clay's mouth this time. It was nerve-wracking, but you had to face him wether it was today, tomorrow, or the next day.
You didn't bother knocking and just entered the room. He was still in the same chair facing away from you but this time he wasn't looking at his computer, his head was resting in his hands while his his video edits weren't on the screen anymore.
"Clay." You started and he turned around facing you.
"Y/n! Im so sorry." Clay spoke, you were about to speak but he interrupted you. "Please, I'm a dumbass, im sorry I yelled at you. I know you were just trying to help. Forgive me?"
Clay stood up walking towards you, you didn't walk away you just stared at him for a while before speaking.
"Clay I understand and I forgive you. It really pained me to hear that, that's the first time I heard that anger from you except for when you play in Minecraft." You chuckled and he smiled. "Just take care of yourself."
You walked towards him and brung him into a hug which he reciprocated. You two stayed like that for a while until you spoke again.
"I dont want this to happen again. We'll work around it like we always do."
"That sounds like a plan. I dont want it to happen either, I didn't like that." Clay chuckled.
"Im sorry I made you cry." Clay spoke again.
"You heard me cry?!"
"Yeah from the living room."
"Damn I didn't know I cried that loud." You laughed into his chest.
You and Clay finally let go of eachother and he went to go officially turn off his computer for the night and came back to you. He grabbed your hand and you both walked out of his room closing the door and walking to the living room.
"Im taking you're not going home?" Nick said from the couch as you both joined him sitting on it.
"Not now atleast. We made it work." You said as you leaned against Clay's shoulder.
"Good!" Nick said while switching the TV to something else.
Clay wapped his arm around your shoulders and kissed you on the cheek. You finally got him back.
"Those pizza rolls were cold."
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Taglist: @annshit
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perhapsthanatos · 3 years
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10:32 pm with yuta ♡
nct’s yuta x fem!reader (got inspired by a dream of mine & found the idea really cute)
alternate title: be the james dean to my audrey hepburn
genre: fluff. a pinch of angst. non idol au. badboy!yuta au.
word count: 1400~
playlist: chinatown by wild nothing, lover’s rock by tv girl & work this time by king gizzard and the lizard wizard.
warnings: featuring johnny (not a warning though). smoking cigarettes. cursing. lowercase intended. not proofread.
a/n: hi i was supposed to post a vampire!haechan fic but i really wasnt happy w it in general :( the plot or overall idea of the fic was really good, but i just felt as if i didnt do it justice so here we are :( but ngl, i kind of like this concept more? maybe bc i can see it more vividly? idk, i feel like my writings r getting repetitive & its getting on my nerves lmaoo this is getting long im sorry do u guys even read this part anyway? i would also like to apologize abt the amount of projecting im doing lmao ive been having some rough days & i love my sister but hate being compared to her so often so this is a way for me to rant abt it ig? also so sorry its coming out a little later bc i woke up late today (& procrastinated for the rest of it so here i am posting really late at night) & decided to go to the convenience store to get ice cream (& a ton of other bad shit pls dont do this its rlly unhealthy) for breakfast bc i can :) any who, enjoy lovelies <3
“oh my, y/n! you’ve grown up so well! just like your sister!”
“oh! i’m sorry i’ve almost mistaken you for your sister! y/n is your name, correct?”
“y/n, darling, you are looking so dashing! you really do resemble your sister, don’t you?”
“ah, you must be y/n! i’ve heard all about you and your sister from your father!”
you swear that your reddening cheeks are threatening to fall off any moment now from all the fake smiling. the hundreds of superficial compliments, the insincere flattery and the need for these people to constantly compare you to your godforsaken sister makes you feel even weaker than you are. it gets harder and harder to keep up with a big persona that isn’t at all you. as lucky as you are to live such a lavish lifestyle, you can’t help but hate how your family has to be so perfect. you hate how you have never fit in with them, even if you are so good at faking it. you hate how you have always been stuck in your sister’s shadow, constantly haunted with the reminder that you yourself aren’t good enough. you hate how you now have to entertain the rich and brainless guests at your parent’s gala because she’s gone for some stupid prodigy competition and everyone is only talking about her in front of your face. so what if she’s better the better sister? you still have the right to earn respect, right?
you’re exhausted from all the small talk. your facade gets more brittle by the second under all the pressure. your body feels as if it's gonna give out due to your brain shutting down after all that interacting. you try to keep on going with the night as it unravels itself by being the perfectly poised poster child, trying to make your parents proud. but alive yet almost completely devoid, you decide enough was enough. what if you left right now? no one would notice, would they?
after pulling up your phone discreetly to send a few text messages, you pass through lots of people dressed in gold and finery in a way that wouldn’t have you noticed right away. keep your head down and don’t you dare make eye contact with anyone. nearing the end of the room, grabbing the first glass of whatever alcohol you see and downing it in one gulp, you start walking away as quickly as possible from the ballroom. “ignorant privileged fucks,” you angrily whisper to no one in particular, setting the now empty glass on whatever surface and begin to head to the main exit where no one could spot you running away.
“and what do you think you’re doing here, miss?”
a voice interrupts you, looking up you see that it is your father’s head butler; johnny. he is dressed in a simple black suit that makes him appear taller than he is. his long brown hair is slicked back and his bowtie seems brand new. you have known the man since he started working in your household less than ten years back. you were a reckless child, often trying to find ways to sneak out, finding a way to escape from this life and he sympathized with you. after all, he could barely imagine living your life, never catching a break for yourself and always pretending to be someone you weren’t. he often helped planning when you would sneak out into the night, scheduling things like what time you should leave and what time you should be back, more specifically a time when no one would notice. he would take care of your form of transportation and have your location on at all times, just to be extra safe. as much as he wants you to have fun and have a bit of freedom, he still worries that something might happen to you. because of all this, you two have grown to have a very strong bond. you could confidently say that he is most definitely a parental figure in your life since your parents (and even your sister) are often overseas for work.
“what do you think i’m doing? you think i wanna be in a room with those half-baked bipeds? fuck no!”
“i know, i was just joking. you looked like you were about to explode in there, i wish i could help.” he laughs, pulling out his phone preparing what you might need. “so what will it be for today? the driver? we just need to pay him to keep his mouth shut. a taxi? it’s cheaper than paying the driver, but you still need to pay… not like that’s a problem for you though. maybe an uber would be good enough—“
“actually, i got myself covered. thanks.”
his jaw slightly drops and his eyebrows furrow. he looks straight at you in shock. “what do you mean you got yourself covered?”
you look down at your feet, a nervous habit. “i got myself a ride, you don’t need to help me. i’ll be back as soon as dawn comes.”
he raises his eyebrow. “who’s your ride?”
“doesn’t matter,” you glance down at your phone seeing a notification and wave a goodbye, leaving rather suddenly. “i gotta go, i’ll text you when you need to open the gates!”
“y/n! wait! who’s your ride— and she’s gone.” johnny sighs, watching as you run towards the front gates, tossing your stiletto heels away on the grass while you’re at it. he heads back inside, silently hoping you’ll be fine.
knocking the window of the old black mustang parked outside behind the big bushes, the driver rolls down his window and sends the most charming smile.
yuta in his black beanie, long blonde hair, worn out doc martens, signature leather jacket and black skinny jeans. it almost makes you laugh on how he wears the same thing almost everyday but still manages to look so good.
he is most notable for having a big bad boy reputation and you knew that he was the breath of fresh air you needed in your life. a person who can understand having the pressure of having to be or to fulfill your persona. a person you can completely be yourself around. a person who is full of warmth no matter how cold he may seem on the outside.
“get in, princess.”
and that was all you needed. you tiredly walked to the other door and sat yourself in the car. rolling his window back up, he looks at you. you are wearing a simple yet stunning black dress along with silver jewelry adorned on your neck and wrists. your makeup is perfectly done but still struggles to hide the fog in your eyes. he has the sudden urge to clear them away. he softens at the sight of you. no one is perfect, but he finds you being perfect enough without ever having to dress up.
“where to?” he asks as gently as he could. he knows that you are most vulnerable during these moments and that it is hard to finally break down your walls after a day full of stress, so he doesn’t pry immediately. all he wants to do is to keep you here, safe and away from your burdens and for you to stay comfortable with him, even if it couldn't be for long. but is that too selfish of him to ask? he hates how you hate your life and it is taking every bone in his body to not run away with you. but who is he to tell you what to do or what to change anyway? all he can do for now is try to find a way to make you genuinely smile.
“take me anywhere,” you whisper to the latter. “i just want to be as far from myself and my life as possible. miles away or the nearest convenience store, just take the long way home before dawn.”
you look down at the cup holders, spotting an open cigarette box. you tug one out of the nineteen and light it with the lighter you kept in your pocket. you lean back and close your eyes. he only admires as you bring the cigarette to your lips, exhaling a cloud of smoke afterwards. letting the radio play quietly, he starts the car and begins to drive away from the mansion. he can’t help but wonder how you (an elegant daughter) and him (a bad boy) are millions of worlds apart, but more similar than you think.
© perhapsthanatos (efa)
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kpopluvrsblog · 4 years
Text
Im sorry professor
Requested: Hi can I request a dom teacher kevin moon fic? Also love your work!
Genre: smut
Pairing: prof!kevin moon x fem!student reader
Summary: you accidentally fell asleep in your art class....your teacher wasn’t happy.
Warnings: unprotected sex( be safe!!), dom!professor kevin and sub!student reader(student is 18), um paint play?? Rough sex, idek what else
A/n: should i make a fluff part two orrr✨ also not proofread so im sorry for mistakes
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You woke up startled nearly falling off of your chair after hearing a loud bang. You had a night art class but you must’ve fallen asleep. Last night you had a long essay that was due and thanks to your procrastination you barely got it done on time.
With your heart beating fast you spun around to see that your professor had slammed the door to his classroom shut locking it in the process. Your professer was a young man named kevin moon and he was the only reason so many people took art this year. However you were in here because you like art.
“Miss y/n, would you mind telling me what we went over in class today?” He questioned as he slowly walked over to where u were sitting. “Im so sorry professor i stayed up late last night and I must’ve fallen asleep”you stated while standing up and gethering your supplies laying around the table. He cut you off by saying “no, i asked you to tell me what we went over. I didn’t ask for some lame excuse”
By the tone he was using you could guess he was angry since we were learning new material today. You turned your head to look at him as he stopped right in front of your desk. “Im sorry im not sure of what we learned today professor but i can teach myself to save you the trouble if you would like to tell me what we went over? It wont happen again.” You said hoping he would at least tell you the basics.
“Y/n you missed a whole lesson. Today we learned on how to paint ones body. Naked. Instead of telling you though i would say it is easier to show you. Just to make sure you really understand.” He stated with a teasing tone while coming around the table to stand beside you. He grabbed your arm and pushed you lightly against the desk. Trapping you between his hips and the desk, pushing his bulge against you.
“Professor i dont think-“ you started but he covered your mouth and put his lips to your ear “its kevin” his whisperd which gave you chills throughout your spine. “Kevin. I dont think we should be doing this your the teacher and i-“
“Shhh baby your only a few years younger than me. Tell me you dont want this and i will stop.” He said while rubbing his hands down your sides. You can’t deny that you have imagined yourself in the scenario more times than you would like to admit. He IS really hot. “I want this” you said breathlessly.
“Mmm i knew it” he said as he started to pull your shirt off of you. “I should punish you for being disobedient shouldn’t I?” He then turned you around and pushed your head down to the table, holding your hands behind your back with one of his. He then unclasped your bra while kissing your shoulder. “Yes i deserve to be punished” You replied.
He lifted up your skirt to see your lace panties already soaked. “Damn y/n you’re already so wet for me. This is whats going to happen. Im going to fuck you raw and use your tight little pussy to get myself off. You will not cum unless i decide i want you too. Got it?” He ended with a harsh spank to your ass.
“But thats not fair!! I should be able to-“ he ended your rant by pulling you up by your neck, pressing your back to his naked chest. ‘When did he get undressed??’ You thought. “ do not fucking question me brat. This is a punishment and you will take what i give you.” Kevin then started to rub his tip against your throbbing pussy. Keeping you up by your neck, he thrusted his whole length into you, causing you to scream.
“Your lucky school has ended early. Im going to make your throat sore from screaming my name.” He then started to pound rapidly into your tight pussy which made your knees buckle as you screamed some more. He wrapped the other hand around your waist to make sure you stayed put. It hurt but felt so good at the same time. You loved the way he was manhandling you.
“Your pussy is so tight for me baby. Mmm have you never been stretched this far huh?” He questioned. “N- no your thick cock is stretching me out so much, i love it” you mumbled while trying to hold back your tears. “Thats right baby, now let me demonstrate what we went over in class hmm?” He stopped his thrusting and stilled deep inside of you making you sigh loudly. He leaned over you to reach the paintbrush you had yet to put away. He dipped it into the red glittery paint that was set up as well.
“Lean down on the desk” kevin demanded you. As soon as you layed your stomach flat on the table, he put one hand besides your head to hold himself up. Not even a second later you felt a cold substance coat the skin on your lower back, making you gasp and moan loudly. He started to slowly thrust inside of you again as he used you as a canvas.
“Kevin oh my god please I’ve been so good. I really need to cum i wont be able to hold it” you whined as you couldn’t help but push your hips back onto his now harder thrusts.
“Fucking hold it brat. I said i would let you cum if i felt like it.” He gritted his teeth as he put the brush down and grabbed both sides of you hips, now slamming into you so hard that you couldn’t breathe properly. He was so deep inside of you, you thought you could feel him in your stomach.
“Shit im cumming baby” he growled as you desperately clenched around him, trying not to release. He quickly pulled out of you and jerked his dick until he was cumming all over your back, where he had painted not long before. He moaned loudly as he came while you whined because you no longer had him inside of you.
You started sobbing because it hurt so bad, you needed to cum. You started thrashing your hips around until kevin stopped you. “Sh sh its okay baby ill make you cum now alright?” He said softly while rubbing your hips.
“You’re so mean kevin it hurts so bad” you said still crying. He turned you around gently and placed you on top of the table. “ i know i know. Can you handle my dick or do you want me to eat you out baby?” He asked while still rubbing soothing circles into your hips. “I want your dick please.” You contined as you wrapped your arms around his neck pulling him closer to you. His sweet scent calmed you down as he inserted himself again, thrusting slowly a few times before gaining speed to make you cum fast. He didn’t want to go too hard since he knew you were in pain. He removed one hand from your hip and lightly began to rub figure eights on your wet clit.
This geture made you cum with a scream locking his dick inside of you with your tight clenches. As you were coming down from your high he placed light kisses along your neck and pulled out of you making you wince. He held you tightly as he started a slow make out session that last for a few minutes. “ are you alright?” He asked after pulling away. He wanted you to learn your lesson but he didnt want to hurt you in the process.
“Yes im okay kevin thank you” you replied with a reassuring smile. “You know” he said shyly “ you should come back to my place y/n, that way i can run you a nice bath and we can talk about us okay?” He finished and bit his lip out of nervousness.
“I would love to do that, lets try not to get caught walking out of here though... i look like a hot mess” you said, making you both laugh as he started to pack everything and get you guys dressed to leave to his house.
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madmiriam · 3 years
Text
My Mando (Din Djarin) /oc's backstory idea (includes alot of rexsoka shipping)
Warning!! : I can't spell for toffee and Tumblr deleted all of my proofreaders edits. Obviously she doesn't want to do it all over again so I've had to make do.
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(a clan of three by madmiriam (Me)
We all love the mandalorian, Din Djarin is so sexy as single dad and we all love him for it. But this makes it hard to write and engageing original character to go with this perfect specimen of a man, one that we can really connect with. Well I have a salutation, to connect with a character it helps if that character is also connected to a character/characters that you already know and love. So I give you my original character Jaig.
Look:
Like the picture above, originally I wasn't going to have Din and Grogu in it at first but I have a habit of making life difficult for myself, so your welcome.
Personality:
As an adult, she's calm and patient and has a sarcastic sense of humour.
As a child, she has a bubbly personality, a contagious smile, and an insatiable curiosity.
Strengths:
she finds it difficult to truly hate anyone, no matter what they've done, she proffers to look at the reasons behind the actions of others before jumping in for revenge, that's not to say she doesn't get angry at people, but her anger is not fuelled by hate. She has been fully trained in the use of weaponry, such as guns, granaids and other such, and has had a small amount of training with a lightsaber when she was younger. But afters a experiencing a tragedy at the age of 9 she hasn't touched one since, she proffers the us of DC hand guns. She is also a fairly good pilot and mechanic.
Weaknesses:
back when she was a child she had a hard time using the force when when overwhelmed. If the thoughts and feelings of others got to much, she would become force blind. When she grows older, (for certain reasons you will find out later on in. This story) she completely cuts herself off from the force. Unless her emotions get to much go handle, then the force would almost explodes out of her. She also doesn't do well when she's alown. Having grown up in various large family atmospheres. If she is not around people she cares about and loves, she will become closed off a dipressed.
Back story: (now bear with me, this storyline is set before she meets Din, its just an introduction to this character)
Jaig (due to her small Jaig eye like markings, and her father's personal connection to the simble) is the daughter of ex jedi padawan Ahsoka Tano and her mate/husband Captain Rex. She looks mostly human like her father, with the same amber eyes and his family's dark hair. But with the same facial structure of her mother, and a slightly darker and olive tinged skin tone. She also has distinct white making that were almost identical to her mother's. Except instead of diamond shapes on her forehead, she has jaig eye like markings. She was born 6 years after the clone wars ended, while her parents were on the run from the empire. Rex and Ahsoka had found it impossible to part from one another after the events of order 66, and after travelled from place to place avoiding the empire for a long time. Their feelings for one another grow, and they eventually married through the use of mandalorian marriage vows.
They built a home in the stars, and after a few years, to their great surprise and happiness they conserved and had Jaig. Things were finally looking up with the birth of their new found hope for the future.
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(Their new found hope for the future/baby Jaig by madmiriam (me)
But it was not to last. It was hard enough to hide themselves, a clone and a ex jedi from the empire. But now adding a force sensative baby to the mix as well, it made it damn near impossible for them all to stay together. Which; after a terrifying encounter with one of the Empires Inquisitors, forced them to make the difficult decision to part ways. Rex would head off insearch for a new home and hopefully find and de-chip as many brothers as he could. While ahsoka would keep traveling around the stars with Jaig. Avoiding the empire and its ruthless inquisitors, whilst trying to help Jaig build up her Shields. They both agreed to keep in touch and once Jaig's Shields were up and safely secure,(which for the average youngling would take 5 years or so) they would rejoin each other and dicided what to do next. But a year after their separation Rex's comms and messeges had stopped all together, and by the time Jaig had reached the age of five and had built up some suitable shields around her mind, neither she or her mother had herd from her father in over 4 years. Her mother was adament he was still alive, but as she grew older Jaig had a hard time believing her. For if he was alive why hadn't he come to find them? Why was he not answering her mothers messages that she still sent on a regular basis?
By the time she was 6 her mother was approached by Bail Organa, in regards to starting a rebellion, and that is what they spent the next 4 years working towards, staying in the shadows gradually building up a resistance to eventually overthrow the empire.
She and her mother met the ghost crew when she was 9 (the same age Anakin had been when he was found by qui gon) and after an uncomfortably close encounter with a mysterious Sith lord called Darth Vader, Jaig's mother disided it was time to bring her father into the fold, and sent Jaig of with the ghost crew to find Rex.
When meeting her father she had opted to wear a scarf to cover her face markings and, chose to withhold her name, and who she was until she found out more about the man who was her father. She was apprehensive about him. As she had no memorie of her dad, for she was only a baby when he left. The only thing she did have, was this warm comforting feeling that she felt whenever her mother spoke of him. A feeling of being held to a large ferm chest in two equally large and ferm muscular arms. Wrapped in a soft wool blanket. Her mother told her that this was the force making an imprint on one of the more emotional moments of her like. But all the same, she proffered to be cautious.
After spending some time with Rex and his bothers. She found her self really enjoying there company. Aspecially her father's. Who dispite having no idea who she was, had already shown that he had a clear paternal instinct. Particularly when teaching her and Ezra how to fish for "Big Bongo". However Kanan who clearly didn't trust Rex or his brothers had spent most of his time hovering around ether her or Ezra protectively, eventually telling them about his exspirence with order 66, an event her mother never talked about.
After seeing the heartbreak on her father's eyes at the memories he and Kanan spoke of. She desided it was time to tell him who she was. But that decision was cut short however when she overheard Rex telling Ezra that he wasn't going to come back with them. Even though he now knew her mother was alive (1 year after separating when the message's stopped he thought both his wife and child to be dead) Jaig ran of in tears when hearing this. She climbing down the ladder of the the AT-TE and walked ferther in front of the walking monstrosity. Away from everyone else. She had finally gotten used to the idea of her father coming back with them. Had become exited by it even. But now, the fact that he was refusing to come with them. Back to his home, his wife, to her. It hurt and overwhelmed her, more than she could say.
She didn't however see what happened after. When Sebine came out and acused Rex of selling them out, of contacting the empire and never answering Ahsoka's messages; at which point he finds out about how Wolfe had withheld all the messages from Ahsoka for 8 years. Thinking he was protecting his brothers from a potentially vengeful jedi. Rex was furious at Wolfe for hiding his own wife's messages to him, and coursing him to miss so much of his only child's life.
Rex: "we have a daughter Wolfe!!! My Jaig, my baby girl doesn't even know who I am because of you!!!"
Wolfe:(was shocked and full of regret when hearing this) "I.. I.. Didn't know... Rex I'm sorry, I didnt know"
Ezra:(recordnises the name) "wait Jaig? you meen our Jaig, Jaigs your daughter?"
Rex: "wait what?"
At this point they hear a shrill scream coming from down in front of the AT-TE. It was Jaig, she was being attact by the prob droid that had been sent by the empire.
The clones immediately go into action. Rex is handed a rifle and gets ready to shoot the prob as it backs his daughter into the ground. His ames and shoots true, killing the droid with one foul shot and then quickly dashes down to retrieve his daughter from under the sparking remains of the droid.
Jaig is in hysterics at this point. Having been taken by surprise by the droid along with the emotional turmoil of potentially losing her father all over again. She then resigned herself to just sit there and cry over how foolish she was for even seeing the attack coming. But now she was being held in the familiar strong arms of her father as he held his only child for the first time in over 8 years.
Rex: "I'm here sh shh, I'm here Ik'aad senaar (baby bird, a nickname he gave her as an infant) daddy's here, daddy's got you"
He says carefully stocking her familiar dark brown hair (that was now flowing free as her scarf had fallen loosely around her shoulders, revealing her beautiful face to her father who's eyes were now brimming with unshed tears) to calm her down as he picking her up and takes her back to the AT-TE. Where the others are waiting with bated breaths. Wolfe was holding a blanket out to wrap his shacking niece into and Gregor quickly dashing off to get her a hot chocolate hoping to make her feel better.
Jaig: "I was angry. Upset. You said you weren't coming home and, then everyone felt so angry and scared all at once. It was to much. (sighs) I have a hard time controling the force when I get overwhelmed like that. I couldn't even sence the prob. I'm. I'm sorry"
She exsplans after she sits down and has a few sips of the hot chocolate that had been placed in her hands. Accompanied a number of comforting back rubs from both her father and her uncles.
Wolfe apologies to her. Explains that he's the reason her father had been out of her life for so long. That he was just trying to protect his brothers but ended up hurting his other family because of it. And tells her he understands if she hates him.
Jaig: "your Wolfe aren't you? Uncle Wolfe? Mum (she has a slight clone like accent that they haven't noticed before) told me about you, said you worked with Grandpa Plo"
Wolfe: 😳"Grandpa Plo? 😂 Boy he would have loved to have herd you say that"
He said, both of them smile at each other, Jaig having forgiven her uncle for his laps in judgment.
All seemed well again until the empire calls them back to get the clones to hand over the rebels. The clones now fueled by the new found need to keep their new family out of harms way, tells the empire where they can stick it, and quickly try to usher the ghost crew along with Jaig into the phantom so they can escape While they all get ready to fight.
Jaig: "but I just found you, mum told me to bring you home, I can't leave you behind, da.. Please don't go"
She says clutching at his shirt as he huged her tight before holding her out to face him,
Rex:"no one's abandoning anyone. Jaig look at me (tilting her head to look. Into her eyes, eyes that matched her father's) we're soldiers Ik'aad senaar, this is what we were born to do, but this time we have something to fight for.. Its going to be OK, (presses his forehead against hers) I love you my Jaig eyes, I've loved you from the I first held you. Ha you were so tiny. I didn't want to let you go back then and I don't want to do it again now, but like last time it's something I have to do, to keep you safe, my Ik'aad senaar, (kissed her forhead lovingly) tell your mother I'm sorry I couldn't make it home, and... And I love her ok."
He says before sending her back into the phantom, closing the door behind her before she can stop him.
Things then pan out like it does in the show, the phantom goes back to help the clones take down the walkers and Rex then decides he's not gonna spend any more of time away from Ahsoka and Jaig and choses to return with them and join the rebellion.
The reauion between Rex and Ahsoka continues the same, but insted of just a hug Ahsoka goes in for the kiss (how it should have always been in my opinion).
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(this art work was done by @nottonyharrison (please note: this image was used with the permission of the artist,) please go check them out, as you can see their art work is stunning)
They spend most of there time with the ghost crew, Ahsoka makes the Ghost her base to return to after missions, and Rex teaching combat and war strategies to both Ezra and Jaig, but mostly to Ezra, Jaig was; in his opinion still to young to get to deep into the oncoming war.
Rex:"let her be a kid for a little longer at least".
Jaig and Ezra had eventually become good friends, Jaig looking up to him as something of an older brother, following him every where he went like a little shadow. At first Ezra was annoyed, and try to get away from her at every turn. But after a while he found he quite like having someone look up to him for a change. As before her, he had been dubed the baby of the group with the most to learn. But now he had Jaig hanging on his evey word like it was gold. He found he enjoyed the new found responsibility.
Unfortunately with her shadowing Ezra so much. This meant she got into all kinds of trouble with him. Trouble that mostly involved them running down the corridor with an angry Zeb chasing after them. Zeb really didn't seem to like Jaig very much. Said it was like having two Ezras, and one was quite enough. However other trouble also included a short but terrible trip to malachor, where after being told she can't come along she choses to stow herself away on the phantom in the small rashon hold built into the floor, shielding her mind from her mother as they flow through space.
Ahsoka: (on a call to Rex) "well I definitely out rank you😉... 😟How Jaig doing?"
Rex: "welp she's not happy, she gone and hidden herself in one of thoughs little critter caves again, I'm making her favorite tonight so I know she'll show up by dinner time, but all the same😔..."
Ahsoka: "hay don't take it to heart Rex, you and I both know this is how she deals with being left behind for anything, she finds a small place to hide and sulk it out, just be ready with a plate of nuna and a hug and she bounces right back😄🙁 when she comes out tell her I love her, and I'll be home soon"
Rex: "I will🙂😟... May the force be with you" they hang up.
It's Ezra who ends up finding her, just after they land. Pointing her out to a stressed out Kanan and a very cross Ahsoka,
Ezra: "ummm guys, I think we have a stowaway",
Jaig: "before you get mad..... consider being proud of me, I stayed still for hours in there AND I shielded my mind the whole time, so you non of you even knew I was there"
Ahsoka: "DON'T push it young lady😠what were you thinking!! Your fathers gonna be worried sick!!!! 😤😔 welp since there's no turning back now, the sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can get you back home and thoroughly grounded for a year"
The rest again plays out the same, they find Maul, Maul blinds Kanan, they get the sith holocromb but lose Ahsoka in the fight with Vader, though after seeing Jaig who looks so much like the little snippy girl from his old life, the Anakin in Vader hasitates to kill ahsoka and her child, and insted trys to convince the unwavering togruta to join him with her daughter.
Vader:"the galaxy shall never be safe for her Ahsoka, join me and I can protect her from the emperor. Join me and we can over throw him... Together"
Ahsoka: "how can I trust anything you say. If you were truly Anakin then how can you protect my daughter when you can't even protect yourself"
Jaig: "MUM!!!! MUUUMMMM!!!"
Ahsoka looks at her daughter running to her as the walls of the sith temple come down,
Ahsoka :"I'm sorry Jaig"
She say quietly as she force pushes he child into Ezra outside the temple as it fall around her and Vader out of the site of her family.
When all is quiet and Vader emerges from the rubble, after failing to find his former apprentice, the Anakin in him vows that he will not fail her child, he will do everything in his power to insure his master never find her, even if he has to hide her away himself to do it.
When Kanan, Ezra and Jaig return to base, Rex is in hysterics asking around.
Rex:"have you seen Jaig? Has anyone seen my baby?, its been over two days.. I can't find her..!!."
Jaig:"DADDY!!! 😭"
Rex turns to see her running out of a newly landed phantom in tears. Now knowing exactly where she'd been he quickly runs to her and scoops her up in his arm clucking her close to his chest in relief that she was home.
Rex:"you.. Are going to be the death of me, hey sh shshsh hey, hey what's the tears? what happen? where's your..? ."
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(a father's comfort, ruff drawing by madmiriam (me)
He couldn't finish the sentence as he looked around and sure two other people emerging from a now empty ship, neither one of them was his wife. Ezra looked him in the eyes and with out saying a word, he knew. He knew Ahsoka, his Ahsoka was gone. He closed his eyes, sheding one silent tear as he held his girl tighter, and slowly carried her away, away from the crowd, but not away from the heartache.
After the loss of her mother, Jaig's once bubblie personality had diminishes somewhat. She refuses to leave the side of eather her father or the members of the ghost crew. She goes on a few missions with them and liston to every word her father says about ways of fighting, fighting to protect herself and the people she loves. Before heading to a mission on geonosis he gives he one of his old DCs. (its twin had been lost in battle during the clone wars and he had gotten a replacement pear, but he had always kept his first well maintained in case he ever needed it)
Rex: "I know it's no lightsaber, but if will keep you and the others safe when used properly"
Jaig: "I don't want a lightsaber any more, 😔sabers get you killed"
Rex: " not all of them Ik'aad senaar" he sighs kissing her forehead "not all of them".
But even this would not last. When it came time for the empire to attack chopper base. Vader sends his own secret troops of undercover purge troopers to find and retrieve Jaig, and to also fake her death so both the empire and the rebels would not come looking for her. This of corse left Rex in his lowest point yet. After watching the ship he had put his daughter on to be evacuated blow up before it even left the ground. He found it hard to not simply drop all his defences and just calming walk into the flames after her. If it hadn't been for Zeb he probably would have. These kind of thoughts invaded his mind so frequently after that day, it was hard to remember when they didn't. He had lost both his wife and now his child. His hope and his reason for fighting were gone, and he wanted to go after them. But he couldn't. Not while there were still people to fight out there, the people who took everything for him and was still grabbing for more. People who his wife started this whole rebellion to fight against. No, he would keep fighting, as long as there is still even one imperial still left alive he would live and fight, until every last one of then were wiped out of existence. (that's gonna take a while)
Meanwhile Vader and Jaig finally meet properly face to mask. Jaig is having a hard time counselling her fear. But Vader was also having difficulty concealing his pain. Pain that had lingered since the moment he had emerged from that crumbled down sith temple, with no sign in the force or otherwise of his once padawan,. The last family he thought he had, that had not betrayed him, who had(once she had seen his face underneath his freshly cracked mask) said she wouldn't leave him, not again. But she had left him, not by her own design he knew, but she had left him all the same. And she had also left a child behind, a child like the one Padme would have given him if it weren't for both the sith and the jedi.
The jedi, who had forced his hand in turning to the dark side, by telling him he should just let Padme die for the good of the galaxy. The jedi who had abandoned his padawan, his little sister, his first child (if he could go so far as to say) in her time of need, and then exsept her to come back all smiles, acting as though her whole ordel was just a trial to prove herself to them. When it was them who should be providing themselves to her.
And the sith,. The sith who had manipulated him from day one to become what he is now, the sith who had taken every thing he had, his wife, his child, his brother/father figer, his little sister/daughter and his friends. The clones. His home all gone for the sake of his masters new empire😡. Yes he new this had been his master's plan all along, the war the clones, the inhibitor chips. All to gane more and more power for himself and to distroy the jedi in his wake. Dragging Anakin down into the darkness with him, and he would do the same thing to Jaig given the chance. Vader could feel the raw power of the force rolling of her, the energy mix with her fear would be a prime canderdate for Sidious's manipulation, should he ever discover her existence.
No!!! That would not happen, neither the sith or the jedi would have her, he would not alow it.
Jaig:"I know who you are.. I know what you did... You tryed to turn my mother before killing her, but you wouldn't turn me, you hear me, I.. Will.. Not... Turn"
She says her voice shacking with her body in fear.
Vader:"no... You will not..."
Jaig: "then why am I here? I haven't done anything to make you hate me.... At least... I don't think I have"
Vader:"I do not hate you Jaig, like your mother, much to my masters great..... disappointment... I could never hate you"
It was true. He couldn't hate her. Couldn't bring himself to hate her. But he couldn't love her either. He had no more love left in him to give. But he could protector for the sake of someone he had loved.
Jaig: confused "then.. Then please let me go, I won't tell anyone if that's what your worried about, I just want to go home, I want my dad, please I just want my daddy😰"
Vader: "you father's fate is.... Regrettable. However it is a necessary evil, it is emperative that he believes you to be dead"
Jaig: "why what did he do to you? what did any of my parents ever do to you?!"
Vader: "as shocking as it may sound, these actions are not done out of hate. You will know this soon enough but for now, I must focus on getting you as far away and as hidden as possible" he then calls in a trouper with red and black armor.
Vader: "CC-2224 I trust your men are ready"
Cody: "ready and awaiting orders.. Sir"
Cody says through gritted teeth not bearing to even look at his once general's masked face.
Vader:"good, I trust the surgery was a success for all of them?"
Cody: "yes.. Sir.. Though we are all having adjustment issues due to recent ... and.... less recent events"
Vader: "thoughs... issues.... had better not interfere with the performance of your mission commander, you and your men have been chosen for one reason and one reason only, and it is for your loyalty to her safety. I can feel your hatred for me commander Cody (Cody inhails sharply at the sound of his name) but I also know enough about you and your brother's to know that they will not let this anger get in the way. I trust you all know the consequences that await you should you fail"
He ignites his blood red saber to put more emphasis on his point.
Cody:"yes sir"
Vader:"very well, now take her and go, and protect her with your life, I shall make my own way back to base as some as I can, her training with began immediately after my return, so be sure to proper her, but until then you already know what to do".
Cody noded before walking over to Jaig, then bent down and gently but fermly lifts her out of her seat, and quickly carry her out of the cell, down the hall and, through the, docking Station towards a unmarked referbished gunship.
Jaig: "where are we going? "
She said with a soft whimper. She was relieved to be away from Vader but still felt apprehensive with the idea of being taken away yet again in the arms of this.. Purge trooper, at lest she thinks it's a purge trooper, she had never seen one before so she could only guess.
Cody: "sh sh it's gonna be OK little one, I'm taking you some were safe, but we have to hurry now"
Jaig:"why?"
Cody: "no one on this ship other than Vader knows we're here and we have to keep it that way kid"
Jaig:"why would you need to hide from your own men"
Cody:"cuz you never know whos watching, I'll explain more when we get off this ship and into hyperspace"
Once they were on board the gun ship, that had been modified to acomidate long period space travel. The modifications included everything from comfortable seating to a working hyperdrive. Cody set her down in one of the seats and strapped her fermly in before heading to the cockpit, leaving her now surrounded by four more purge troopers (hardcase, fives, dogma and waxer, who I'm gonna say lived, cuz I have attachment issues, boil is in the cockpit piloting the ship) who are all looking at her intensely through their helmets. (hardcase and fives are in borrowed discises, after Fives finds out about the chips he and hardcase desert the army and decide to strike out on their own to try and find out more about the chips and their perpose, unfortunately they were too late to do anything about it before oder 66 happened. They have been on the run ever since, until Vader aproches them, informing them that he has been keeping tabs on them, and had been insuring the empire believes them both to be dead, and tells them of the mission, they agree to help because it's Rex and ahsoka's daughter they'll be protecting, but only under the condition the they only report to a de-chipped Cody and all other clones included in the mission must also be de-chipped as well. Vader had agreed to this as he was going to have their chips all removed anyway, to prevent any itchy trigger fingers being near his new force sensative)
Once they're in hyperspace Cody returns to the main area of the gun ship, where the other clones are crowed around a frightened looking Jaig
Waxer: "is this her? Wow she looks so much like her mum"
Fives: "she has our eyes though, our wonderfully handsome eyes"
hardcase: "and out hair, Ha!! I knew Rex's hair wasn't naturally blonde😂"
Dogma:" technically Hardcase, her hair being brown isn't proof that his is to, she could have just gotten the hereditary Jango gen of dark hair"
Fives:"aww suck the fun out of it why don't you"
Cody: "guys back up, give her some space, your freaking her out, and take off your buckets, I don't think they're helping"
When their buckets were removed Jaig was shocked to see five versions of her father's face looking down at her, all old and a little worse for where's, but all very much clone. She recordnises three of them from her father's holopad.
Jaig: "Fives?"
Fives:😃 "yeah! Yeah kid, that's me your☝️ Uncle Fives (he kneals down taking her hand in his, giving it a quick squeeze, before turning to Cody) she recordnised me first that must kill you😁"
Cody: 😠 "only cus you have a, dirty great 5 on your forehead You Di'kut"
He said before knealing down in front of her
Cody:"hey kid, sorry I couldn't introduce myself earlier, I'm your.."
Jaig:"Uncle Cody"
Cody:😁 "yeah kid (to Fives) SEE!! over there are your uncles Dogma, Waxer, Hardcase and back there in the cockpit is your uncle Boil, I know your probably not used to this many of us, but there's more we're we came from where we're going, though they live un a different fasilaty to ours, but every single one of them would be whiling to keep you safe if they knew. So you don't have to worry, we're not gonna let anything happen to you"
Jaig "but Vader.."
Cody: (places both hand at the side of her head and looks her dead in the eyes) "isn't going to TUCH you, not if we have anything to say about its, he may be our sponser, and he will be coming round every so often to check on you and train you. But you'll have several hundred or so uncles on the planet ready and waiting with fully loaded blasters should he ever try to hurt you, us 6 especially as we're the only clones there that know about you yet and we're gonna be living under the same roof, as you and one of us will always be close by to help you. OK kid, it's all gonna be ok (he says hugging her) your safe now"
Jaig: "but I don't want to be trained by Vader, I said I wouldn't turn and I meant it"
Cody: "it's alright, its alright. The one thing Vader has assured us of, is it he will not be training you in the dark side. And judging by the amount of effort he's putting into keeping you hidden, I'm inclined to believe him. He told us that you must block your self off from the force, what ever that means. Which is what he's going to show you how to do. Apparently it's the only way to keep the emperor off your scent. But like I said, one of us is always gonna be there should he try anything"
Fives:"yeah we'll look out for you kid, I know you miss your dad, and we're pretty poor substitutes, but we're here for you all the same"
Hardcase:"and we're not leaving anytime soon"
Dogma: "well not if we can help it"
Jaig "but where are we going?"
Cody: smile "to the closest thing we clones have to a home... Kamino"
Kamino had changed over the years, once the emperor had ordered to stop to any more clones creation. The cloning fasilaties had been abandoned by the kaminoans, along with all the rest of the untrained cadets who were all shipped of to the mustafa system to be trained and bred as the empires elite force of purge troopers.
The cloning facilities were left to the old now retired clones, to live out their days away from civilisation, many now wolowing in sadness and regret for their actions under the influence of their now un activated inhibitor chips.
The place Jaig and her other uncles were heading, was just a few hundred miles of from the main cloning compound. It had been kitted out with everything they might need, weaponry, shields, a food station, bedrooms, a bunkhouse, a training ground, and a shooting range. The only beings abord were now the clones, Jaig, the cook and the maintenance crew, well I say crew, it consisted of one male Ugnaught named Kuiil and three droid assistants whom he had reprogrammed to help with any and all clean up and maintenance duties.
Jaig would continue to live out there with her uncles for the next 5 years. They would go on to train her with any and all things clone, weaponry, though she had learnt a lot of that from her father's teachings, and the language and teachings of the mandalorian. The boys were insistent that she learn all of what little they knew of their heritage, as they were all descended from Jango, who was of mandolor. Any clone would tell you how proud the clones were of this heritage, and now they had someone to pass it all down to. They even taught Jaig the mandalorian wars songs that they had all learnt as cadets, and the Clone Haka, that had been performed by many clone troops over the years, before battle,. Much to the confusion and quite frankly terror of the B1 battle droids who witnessed them.
Fives: "ha your mum was pritty good at this to"
Jaig: now 12" my mum knew the Haka? "
She said, trying to picture her calm and serene togrutan mother, chanting, stomping and banging her chest along side millions of clones Warriors, all while making different faces and throatle sounds at the droids on the other side of the battlefield.
Hardcase: "oh yeah!! She was a natural, always shouting the chant in her loudest voice and making her scariest war face, like this 🤪😜🤪"
Fives: "and that my dear Jaig, was when your father fell in love🥰"
Vader came over as often as he could spare, when he was sure he couldn't be directed be his master or that anyone following him. Teaching Jaig how to disconnect herself from the force, telling her that if she continues to use it, the consequences would be severe.
Vader:"if the employer was ever to discover you exsisens, he would hunt you down in an instant, and kill anyone who trys to hide you from him. This is why you must never use the force again, and you must never leave. If anyone outside this fasilaty were to learn of your existence, you would be in mortal danger, as would everyone you care about"
Jaig: "but why couldn't my dad come? You could have had both our deaths faked and brought him here with me"
Vader: sighed "he is to mixed up with the rebel alliance, and besides, it was his reaction that sold your death to the universe. A trick I learned from my old master...the hard way"
He said bitterly.
Jaig knew she should hate him, he had taken her from her home, her friends and family. He had taken her mother, and it was because of his foolish decision to trust, a maniac, power hungy, sith Lord, that her family were forced to live in the shadows, and her mother, and father were force into separation when she was just an infant. She didn't like him by any means, she frequently tryed to avoid his at any turn. But she still couldn't feel hatred for him.
Cody: "na that your mother in you, she was never one to hold much of a grudge ether. She got angry at people don't get me wrong but she never hated them. She cryed over the potential execution of a woman who had Framed her for Murder once. And had taken the time to give all her deceased troops, who had tryed to gun her down a funeral. Even though she and your father where now on the run from the empire"
Over the years living there, she became closer with her uncles, or at least most of them. She argued with Boil on an almost daily basis, but they had their moments, she told him and Waxer how she met Numa, who was still fighting for the freedom of her home. She had a difficult time connecting with Dogma. He was very distance from her and didn't talk much. However she did like listening to him read. Dogma who had been a stiff by the book solder his entire life, and had been through so much, found he secretly quite enjoyed the company of his niece. But she spent most of her training with Fives and Hardcase. Both clones always new how to make her smile and told her many stories of her parents during the war, stories not even her parents had told her, (though they never much liked talking about the war), and she had given them a new lease of life, and new perpose. She was probably closest with Cody, he had know her father since they were both cadets, and was determined to teach her everything he knew, but he also showed his softer side with her. There were many a time he would be seen walking down the corridor carrying the young girl who was really getting a bit to big to be held, in his arms fast asleep from a long day.
She had also become quite good friends with Kuiil the maintenance manger, she learnt that he was paying off his debt to the empire through prolonged servitude, he had been in many battles he didn't believe in, until Vader; after seeing his reprogramming skills had, offered him a place on this secret compound. Kuiil had also taken quite a shine to Jaig, she was kind, and eager to learn the inner workings of the machines he fixed.
But yet again, even this would not last. After the destruction of the First Death Star, Lord Sidious had been furious with Vader, he tortured and demoted him. But through his touture he discovered the existence of the child Vader had taken such lengths to keep hidden from him. And through this new information, he devised a plan.
To brake his apprentices even ferther, he would force him to chose, chose between the life of his padawans child, who he had swarn to protect, and the life of his son, that he did not yet know about. But unfortunately for the emperor, he did not bargain for the tactical brilliance of the Clones.
When the empire, came to take the now 15 year old girl, they had already divested their own escape plan. They sent Jaig along with Kuill over to the kaminoan cloning facilities, turned clone retirement home, before the empire even entered the atmosphere. There she was frozen in to carbonite and fastened to the inside of the newly alcoved underbelly of a small one-seater Y wing (to insure the if the empire should come across them she would be well hidden and undetected, Kuiils cover story being that he was delivering supplies to the clones) there Kuiil would then fly far away from any siverlized planet. While, the clones continued to fight and defend the compound as though she was still there, and then proceed to escape themselves, using an old subship left over from the battle of Kamino. But not before bowing the place sky high, making it seem like the empires had fired at the fewl tanks corsing the whole building to be destroyed along with anyone who was inside.
This was not the out come Sidious had wished for, however with the now almost certain death of his ward, Vader plunged ever ferther into the void of darkness and hate. So the desired effect Sideous was planning for was reached anyway.
After being unfrozen from carbonite, Jaig and Kuiil parted ways. She chose to for her father, but it became fruitless. Chopper base had long since been evacuated and the rebel alliance was always one step ahead of her in their attempts to avoid the empire. For 2 years she searched for them, and fought the Empire where she could, until she finally stopped, delving into the belief that what ever family she knew was now gone, she rejoined Kuiil on a deserted planet called Arvala-7, while the galaxy celebrated the fall of the empire. Where for the next 5 years they would both try to live out their lives in peace, working the land and carrying for blurgs, until a mandolorian arrives on their planet, looking for a little green bounty, which starts of a whole new adventure for our now Adult Jaig.
OK guys let me know how I did, and if you would like to see Jaig's adventures with Din Djarin and little green bean Grogu. Let me know. I'm not much of a writer,. But I always got so irratated when reading Din Djarin/oc fics where to make her interesting, they give the oc force powers, with either no build up to it, or she's a run away jedi, which kind of defeats the whole purpose of season 2 were they're trying to find the jedi, so I thought I'd write my own. I wanted to have a character that has both a clear connection to both the mandalorian culture and the force, without making her a mary su. She has a connection to the force. But she can't use it, or control it. Therefore she can't train Grogu to use it. Which would mean they'd have to find the jedi, to help him learn to control his powers. Plus I don't want to just giving her everything with no preplanned reason. So here is my preplanned reason. I know these short scenes and conversations don't really delve much into her personality but that's were you come in. Tell me what you think of her, and what you think she's like as an adult. I wrote a few things like her kind nature and her sarcastic humour. But I could do with some ideas on what you would like to see. Let me know, and...
May the 4th be with you,😉
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horansqueen · 4 years
Text
You & Me : chapter 10
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A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA
Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS
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CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9
NOTES:
-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.2k // 4.4k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.
- notes: i know Louis said it was his least favorite song on his album but it was too perfect so i had to use it. also, if you get the movie reference, youre amazing lmao! thanks for all the love, i hope you guys enjoy this chapter and that you’re not getting tired of this
requests! : added a few and ill post them but i didnt add ALL the things written in the asks just because it didn’t fit, i hope its okay! if you read there will be very tiny spoilers :)
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Chapter 10 : Her chapter
OLIVIA
I quickly left after he turned away from me to walk to his car. Not because I wanted to leave but because his words had brought inside me a few sensations I felt guilty to feel. Hope, definitely. Happiness, probably. And also an intense relief that I couldn't explain. I felt relieved that he thought we were worth it. I felt relieved knowing that our friendship still surpassed any other relationship in his life, including his girlfriend. I felt happy that he was not going to give up and hopeful that we could go back to being close. That too, I felt guilty to feel. Would that hurt Dylan? He was already so understanding and sweet with me, he didn't deserve his fiance to lie to him, or even omit to tell him things.
I parked in front of my house and noticed Louis' car was there but I remained sitting behind the wheel a bit longer. Louis was there and I could talk to him. This is exactly what I needed yet, I couldn't find the courage to walk inside and sit with him. Perhaps I was not ready to let out all of this out loud because I knew it would make it even more real than it already was. Telling someone else was going to hit hard, I knew it.
I breathed in before pushing on the door but Louis was nowhere in sight. I frowned but took my shoes off and decided to walk to his room. The music was on, the door was closed, and I felt my heart skip a beat, hoping he was not with his girlfriend. I licked my lips before biting the bottom one and knocked at the door three times.
"Louis?"
The music stopped and it took only a few seconds for the door to open. His lips curled into a smirk and he leaned against the door frame, raising his eyebrows at me in a suggestive manner.
"Heyy, where did my queen spend the night?"
"Louis, I need to talk to you." I admitted, walking past him and inviting myself inside, ignoring his question.
"That bad, huh?" he chuckled a bit, closing the door behind us and turning around to look at me as I sat on his bed. "Did you let him fuck you into oblivion? Meaning that you totally forgot that you were both taken and that he had shattered your heart into millions of tiny pieces?"
I groaned and grimaced, letting myself fall on the bed, lying down on my back as my legs were still hanging from the bed. I grabbed his pillow and pressed it on my face before letting out a muffled scream. It took only a few seconds until he grabbed the pillow roughly and pushed it away on the bed.
"Did you really sleep with him?" he asked in a soft tone, looking down at me before I shook my head. "Did you two kiss?" Once again, I shook my head. "Then what's wrong?"
I let my eyes roam on Louis' face and licked my lips. I didn't want to say it, the words seemed to be stuck in my throat, but keeping them inside was starting to hurt physically. I just didn't know if it would hurt more after they came out...
"Say it, you know you can trust me." Louis expressed in a low and gentle tone, making me lick my lips again.
He didn't understand that the problem was not him hearing it, it was me admitting it. He kept looking at me, his eyes roaming on my face slowly, and I focused on the way he blinked, the way he smelled, the way he made me feel..
"I love him." I breathed so low I wasn't even sure I had heard myself. "I'm in love with Niall."
My best friend didn't show an ounce of surprise. Instead, he sent me a small smile and nodded, still looking down at me. I pressed my lips together, trying to keep the tears inside, but I felt them fill my eyes and did everything I could not to blink. I could pretend that seeing Niall made all my feelings come back to the surface but the only thing seeing Niall again made me do was realize that I never stopped loving him.
"And you love Dylan, too?" he asked, making me nod. "Okay, if you spend your life with Dylan, will you miss Niall?"
I held my breath, feeling my whole body throb at his question. He knew that answer, didn't he? Because he would always miss Eleanor if he was with someone else, that was a given. In fact, that was not even worth asking.
"Alright." he added, as if he read the answer in my mind. "If you spend your life with Niall, would you miss Dylan?"
I felt my eyes get bigger and I knew Louis was trying to read my answer on my face. He ended up just sighing low and tilting his head a bit.
"It's not about love, you know." I just replied, trying to avoid a question I ignored the answer of. "It takes more than love. A lot more. " I paused. "It was so much easier when it was only you and I."
This time, his lips curled into a smirk and he raised his eyebrows at me, moving his face slightly closer.
"You forget fast, my queen." he pointed out, booping my nose gently and making my lips curl slightly. "We were both miserable, shagging each other to get affection and orgasms but never really reaching the happiness we were longing for. We struggled so much, we've come so far."
"I know." I admitted, hearing my voice crack despite how low it was. "But we had each other."
"We still do." he replied, smiling fondly at me for a few seconds as I tried to contain my tears. "Wait a second, I want to show you something."
He quickly got off the bed and I sat up, looking at him. He searched through his stuff and I frowned when he grabbed a disk and finally, my lips curl.
"A CD? What is this? 2005?"
Louis chuckled, his back still facing me. "Oh shut up! I just wanted to be sure it wouldn't be leaked before it was supposed to. I don't trust cellphones. Or people, really."
This time, I laughed and shook my head. I knew what he meant, I also had a hard time to trust people. I used to be the type who would trust everyone and get hurt all the time. I guess the bad and manipulative persons I had met in my life had changed me.
Louis came back and sat next to me as a song started. The melody came to my ears but was quickly followed by his voice, bringing a sensation of comfort inside me. I knew Louis had worked a lot on his album and the fact that he was ready to share a song with me meant a lot more than he probably thought.
"You say to me your jeans don't fit You don't feel pretty and it's hard to miss I wish that you could see my point of view As someone staring back at you On Friday night when we're all out I turn to you and you're looking down And you don't wanna dance I know you love to dance You never stop given half the chance
Just keep your head up, love, keep your head up Don't hide away, don't ever change Keep your head up love, keep your head up Don't look away, don't look away"
I turned to him and sent him a smile, reaching for his hand and grabbing it in mine. I didn't know why but that song did something to me. I loved the way it seemed like he was talking to the person listening with a soft voice but it's only when I heard the chorus that I held my breath.
"'Cause everybody's looking at you now My, oh, my I guess some queens don't need a crown And I know why Even when your tears are falling down Still somehow You're perfect now"
He probably noticed my eyes getting bigger and knew I was asking myself questions because he simply nodded and squeezed my fingers tighter. I felt myself tear up and swallowed hard.
"You never do but if you asked me to I'd tell the truth lying next to you 'Cause you're the only one When it's said and done You make me feel like being someone good to you Even at your worst You steal the scene and it's unrehearsed Don't you wanna dance, just a little dance? I'll never stop given half the chance"
My lips finally parted and he sent me a fond smile, bringing his other hand on mine just as the bridge started.
"Every insecurity Like a neon sign As bright as day If you knew what you were to me You would never try to hide away"
Despite trying hard, I couldn't help it and started crying. I didn't even reach my face to wipe the tears off, I just sobbed low as I stared at him and gently, he brought one of his hands to my cheeks and brushed his thumb on them as I sniffed.
"'Cause everybody's looking at you now My, oh, my I guess some queens don't need a crown And I know why Even when your tears are falling down Still somehow You're perfect now"
We remained silent for a few minutes as I let the information sink in. Louis had told me his whole album would be based on his feelings for his girlfriend, and he had started writing it before he got back with her, that I knew, but I never thought he'd take the time to write one for me. I never thought I inspired him enough to get a whole song written about me. I didn't really believe I was interesting enough but the truth was, this song was beautiful, and it was mine.
"Thank you." I whispered, knowing my voice would break if I talked louder.
I swallowed my tears again but it started hurting and I felt my eyes flutter, letting more tears fall.
"At first, I wanted to bring you with me when I recorded it, but I decided it would be better if you were the first one to hear the final product." He stared at me a few seconds before moving his head slightly. "Come on."
I slipped my arms around his chest and leaned my head on him as he wrapped his arms around me. I closed my eyes and we remained in each other's arms for a few minutes before he gently fondled my back.
"I don't think you realize how big of an impact you had on my life, Liv." he continued. "You were there for me in a moment where I thought I had no one. You stuck by me, and you.. I never properly thanked you for calling El on that night."
I pulled away and looked in his eyes, sending a small but sad smile.
"You were there for me too, and I'll never forget that, Lou." I pointed out, looking down at my hands as I played with his fingers. "I mean, I had expected you to drop me and I wouldn't have blamed you. Niall's like a brother to you and you two have been through so much.. that comes first. I feel extremely lucky."
"There was no reason for me to choose between you and him. I took care of you because you were the one who needed me, and because you're my best friend."
"I was pathetic." I chuckled, shaking my head.
"You were hurt. We both were. And despite that, we helped each other. You realize that doesn't happen often, right? Normally, two persons going through the same thing can understand each other, but can't help each other. But you and I? We did both. We're invincible!"
This time, I laughed and licked my lips, nodding a bit. He was right, we went through so much together and somehow, we had helped each other out of misery in our own way. I had found my desire to live back with him... because of him, and the relationship I had with him was unique.
I thought about Niall and about how our relationship used to be unique, too. Perhaps, it still was and always would be, but I missed how it used to be. I missed how it used to be so easy between us and how nothing was awkward. I missed our talks, the fun we used to have, the inside jokes that made us laugh so hard that we couldn't breathe. And I missed him as a person, him as a best friend, him as a boyfriend. I knew I shouldn't live in the past but I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop thinking about going back to how happy we used to be together.
"Did you tell El about that song?" I asked cautiously, suddenly scared it would cast a chill between me and her.
"Mmhm, yea, she said it was okay." Louis tried to reassure me before chuckling. "Most of the album is about her so, she doesn't care."
I didn't want to say it out loud but I was actually jealous of his relationship with Eleanor. They were meant for each other and the way they loved each other was something I used to have but didn't anymore. I used to believe Niall and I shared the same kind of bond and love that Louis shared with his girlfriend but that time was over, and I couldn't help but think it was unfair.
"Okay, enough with this cheesy shit." he just said, hitting his own thighs slightly. "We're spending the evening together, okay? Pizza and poker. Like we used to do except this time, we can bet more money because you joined the rich asses club!"
I rolled my eyes and we both got up before I followed him to the kitchen.
"My ass is still as poor as it used to be, haven't seen my first check yet." I argued, raising my nose up.
"No problem, you can bet your supply of cookies!"
"Ah Ha! No way!"
He laughed more as he called the pizza while I grabbed a few beers in the fridge and got the cards. We sat exactly how we always did and he opened my beer, handing it to me before opening his and taking a sip from it. It was almost like a well rehearsed choreography and I smiled as he shuffled the cards. Quickly, he dealt them and I looked at those I got in my hands before he started talking again, grabbing a cigarette and lighting it up.
"So." he mumbled, taking his cigarette out of his mouth and breathing out the smoke on the side to make sure it didn't go near me. "What are you gonna do? Are you gonna tell Niall that you love him?"
I chuckled and raised my eyebrows, discarding two cards and glancing up at him.
"No." I let out firmly. "I'm getting married."
Louis stopped moving and after a while I looked up at him. He was staring at me and I could read a bunch of questions in his eyes. I grabbed a cookie from the box and put it in the middle of the table, trying to ignore the way he was looking at me but after a while, I just couldn't anymore.
"Okay Louis, say what you want to say." I let out with a sigh. "You normally don't keep it in so, throw it my way."
"When you say you're getting married, you mean you're getting married to Niall in a few years, that's what you mean, right? Because darling, marrying a man if you've got an other man in your heart, that's just fookin' unfair."
"I love Dylan." I argued, leaning against my chair.
"You love Dylan but you're in love with Niall." he replied a bit louder. "He's the one who's got your heart. He's got a hold on it that no one else ever did and probably ever will. You know it, I know it, and you know what? Dylan will realize it at some point. So you either try to find a way to get completely over Niall, or-"
"Or what? Or I give up the only chance I have to be happy with someone?" I cut him, my tone getting a bit harsh. "It's not my fault I fell in love with Niall, it's not my fault he broke my heart, and it's not my fault he came back! Why am I always the one who's got to give up everything when all i'm trying to do is survive and move on!"
I was on the verge of tears again and I shut my eyes tight, trying not to literally burst in front of my best friend. I loved Niall, I really did, but he was dating someone else. Yes, we had almost kissed a few times and yes, he told me that our friendship was worth saving, but that didn't mean he still had feelings for me. It didn't mean he wanted to be with me again. It didn't mean he wouldn't break my heart again.
"I'm sorry." Louis finally said after a few seconds of silence. "I know you're not ready to trust him and I shouldn't insist."
"Louis, I can't be with someone who doesn't want me." I pointed out after calming down, putting an other cookie on the table as he did the same. "Just because he wanted to kiss me doesn't mean this is love. Lust, maybe. But love is a strong word. He regrets hurting me and he apologized. That was more than what I expected."
"Of course he still loves you."
I looked up at Louis and felt my shoulders fall as I sighed.
"I don't trust Niall's feelings, not after what he did. He probably can't even trust his own feelings, you know?"
"He grew up, he probably learned too, like we did."
We heard the doorbell and I felt suddenly saved. Louis jumped up and sent me a bit smile before rushing to the door., I closed my eyes and breathed in and out deeply. Perhaps Louis was right and Niall still had feelings for me, but I wasn't sure what they were, or what his intentions were. I knew we should have a conversation but I was not mentally prepared for it. I didn't feel strong enough to go through it. I didn't want to hear how he really felt because no matter what it would be, it would either hurt me or force me into making a choice. I was not ready for neither.
                                                      ---
I rushed to the movie theater knowing I was a few minutes late and when I looked up, I noticed Niall waiting for me in the middle of the place, his hands in his pockets. His lips curled when our eyes met and I stopped in front of him, out of breath, my hands on my knees. He laughed and bent down to look at me and my heart skipped a beat when I realized he looked amazing, even from that angle. Who does that? No one.
"Out of breath?" he laughed. "Maybe you should get into shape? How about coming out for a run with me a few times a week?"
"I don't think that a person should run unless he's being chased." I just pointed out, moving up and making him smile even more.
"Okay, an other movie quote." he laughed as I tilted my head.
"Casey and I've got a lot in common."
"Just say you like Elijah Wood."
"Who doesn't?" I rhetorically asked with a frown, a small smile playing on my lips.
We decided on a movie and I felt him grab my fingers as we walked in the hall. I held my breath but he quickly pulled on my hand and made me twirl around. It brought a bunch of memories to my mind and I let out a laughter and squeezed his fingers before letting go of his hand.
We found a spot in the back and I felt suddenly nervous, playing with the fabric of my pants. I knew friends went to the movies together but I didn't want to make all of this awkward. The movie started almost immediately and we didn't really have time to talk but I felt at ease around him, the way I used to. It's only around the middle of the movie that I felt his hand on my knee. He started drawing shapes on my jeans and my lips parted. My heart skipped a beat and I glanced down at his fingers. I didn't know how I should react which resulted in me not doing anything. After a while, I couldn't focus on the movie anymore and closed my eyes, concentrating on how I could still feel his touch even after his fingers were away. The shapes were random... a circle.. an infinite sign (or was it the number 8?).. simple lines... but I never wanted him to stop. I felt my inner thighs start throbbing but weirdly, it didn't feel sexual at all.
I jumped slightly when they turned on the lights again and expected him to take his hand back but it lingered a few more seconds on my knee before he got up and extended it to me. I grabbed it without thinking but let go of his fingers as we walked out only to push them in the back pockets of my jeans.
"Enjoyed the movie?"
I turned my head to look at him and nodded slowly.
"Oh, uhm yea, I did." I sort of lied. "Did you?"
"Was alright."
We walked out and stood in front of each other as everyone else walked by and I couldn't help but glance around. I felt nervous and it was even worse when he took a step closer to me as someone passed really close of him. He looked down at me and I pressed my lips together but we kept silent for a while. To anyone who would take the time to study us, we most likely seemed on a first date but it was so much more complicated than that. And so much deeper, too.
"D'you.. maybe.. want to come home? Food and beer, perhaps?" I proposed with a shrug. "Louis and El are probably there, we could do something with them?"
His lips curled and he nodded. "Yea, yea, that's great, i'll meet you there."
I watched him and held my breath at how beautiful he was. Now that I had confessed out loud that I was still in love with him, it was really all I could think about. It hurt so much and at the same time, it was a relief to admit it to myself.
I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and took it off only to see a text message from Dylan. My heart skipped a beat like I was doing something wrong and I licked my lips nervously.
'Hey babe, I miss you, I hope we can talk soon.'
I started nibbling on my bottom lip as I typed an answer quickly. I missed him too and I had the feeling that if he was here, it would be easier not to fall even more in love with Niall. Or at least, I could always be reminded of what I could lose.
"Boyfriend?"
Niall's voice took me by surprise and I looked up, sending him a smile.
"Yea, it's the first time we're separated for so long so, we're not really used to it." I expressed with a shrug. "Plus, his days are intensive so when his day is over, he's exhausted and he needs to go to bed because it all starts again on the next day."
"That's why I brought you on tour with me last time." he pointed out. "I hated being away from you."
My lips parted for a few seconds as I kept looking at him and finally, my lips just curled. I hated being away from him too. I could easily remember all the times we were separated and it was horrible, even if we were only friends at that time. I wanted to mention to him that we had been separated for more than a year and also ask him how he felt about it, but I didn't dare.
"I couldn't go with him." I let out, regretting it immediately after. "I was... I'm busy."
He nodded, looking down, and I had the feeling I had hurt him but I was not sure how. I felt something stir in my stomach and cleared my throat.
"Okay well, i'll meet you at my place, you remember where it is?"
His eyes met mine and he smiled again before nodding.
"Mmhm, i'll see you there."
He brought his hand to my arm and I held my breath. His fingers were warm, making it obvious that my arm was cold. His skin against mine, despite my expectations, made me shiver and once again, my lips parted as my heart jumped in my chest. Something in his facial expression changed, too, and deep down, I wished it was the contact of his fingertips on my skin that shocked him, too.
I can't remember the walk to my car, and barely the ride home, but when I parked my car, Niall was already there, waiting for me next to his car, watching something on his phone. I got out and walked to him, a bit sad that his gaze didn't meet mine.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
It took a few more seconds for him to look up but when he did, I knew he had seen something that would bother me. He sighed and turned his phone my way to let me read the title of an online article someone had probably sent him. I noticed the picture first : Niall and I holding hands at the movie theater and the irony made me grimace. Didn't we get papped like that when he was dating Maya and I was with Harry? My eyes finally moved to the title and once again, I held my breath.
'Our favorite couple is back!'
That's when I knew we were both in deep shit. Again.
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Yaaay!! Thank you Soraya's inbox, sorry i blamed you on eating the last ask😂😘. You did great. Nono, he wasnt a torero, he looked like a prince. (Which is not better bcs i dont like any of those  figures but... whatever). Ooh, talking about suits, did you see the ranking hsfashionarchive did of the suits he wore this tour? Bcn was winning, pink suit was second and Mdd was third!! (1)
[I hope this works 😜🙏🏻, bc this was TOO long, jajajaa.]
Ohhh. Your mom is the best. So supportive! Petition to give her that award. She is clearly the winner. (1D clinex? capitalism in its pure state 😂. Did they really made those? Glad i didnt find it on time bcs i would have definitely brought them as a joke to my sister or something). You are already playing Niall’s songs to her? Did she like them? Does she have anything similar to “pikachu get away” she had for SOTT?. (2)
JAJAJAJJA. Netflix always does that to me too. Dont know why. I started watching Black mirror backwards bcs of that. Did you understand anything of chapter 7 os ST? (Did you finish the show??). Yep. The 8th season is the last one, and i dont know hoe to feel about it. Dissapointed by the shows? As in with the ending?? Or how? (3)
You sound like a devoted cat lady, yes. Ooow, i have little cousins too, though they are reaching the age of “too cool to be seen with you, old girl” Of course they make me laugh. Honey is a menace and i appreciate it. JAJAJAJAJAJAJA. He ate the chorizo?? Honeeey!! 😂😂😂 that made me laugh at loud int the train and now my neighbour is looking at me weirdly. I see, you’ll never get bored with him. (4)
When i was younger and + close minded, i didnt like tattos. Considere also that the ones I had saw in real life were the tribal ones, so there’s tgat. But then i grew up and started liking them (you can partially blame larry for that). Nobody in my family (cousins and so) has one, and thats kind of a encouragement, I’d love to piss them, but my dad has threaten me to disinherit me (we dont heven have that, lol) and i dont have any tatto on mind, so i wont do it… maybe in the future, yes. (5)
I MISS LOUIS TOO! I hope he is fine. Resting and so. Im sure that creating the album that will destroy us all takes a lot of effort. (Seriously, where is heeeee?). Heeey!! I wont get bored. Or mad! I have such a great time talking to you. If i dont talk more its bcs of the character limit and bcs im always worried about pressuring or imposing. Dont be dumb. If i dont answer its bcs im busy with finals and so. Nothing more. Promise. (6)
THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING. i know i know. It makes sense and its a smart move, but… i cant stand raeggeton/latino, its not for me. Sad. I havent lost hope though. Maybe ill change my mind later Yeah, i have the same problem with my friends, they only listen to trap and raeggeton and i die everytime. We mostly agree to put something neutral like pop or the radio. (Disney songs never get old😂). (7)
Ay. I just saw that i wrote “heven” instead of “even” and now i want to delete myself. I was walking while writing the asks and i didnt proofread it. I feel so dumb. Anyway, sorry for sending so many asks (today i made a record xd) and, as always, good night!!————————————————————————-Hi!!!! Yes! I saw the ranking. But it isn’t exactly a ranking. It’s more to like chose wants your favorite suit. I did it and guess what? My first choice in the Madrid one, jajajaa. Second the kilt. And third the jumpsuit. Very accurate.
Oh, you’re telling me! My family bought me a bunch of 1D merch (unofficial all): the clinex, a hair brush, a bracelet, 2 books!, one perfume (this I love it, it smells so good), a make up box… I can’t even remember everything. Ah! A birthday card too!! Where they talk when you open it. I always use to wish happy birthday to people (the audio) 🤣🤣🤣🤣. I had to tell them to please stop wasting money on those things. I don’t even know where I have it. And if a can ask, I’d rather they give me the money so I can go to their concerts,jajajaja.EDIT: I can’t believe I forgot the poster!! I have it beside my head right now,jajaja, and I only realized it was there when I looked at the boys to ask for inspiration,😅😅)
Oh, my mom loves Niall’s album too. But I don’t think she “knows” any of the lyrics,jajaja. Though, she knows the hmmmm in This Town. But that’s all. She and my sister, both separately were like: “oh! who’s him??” When they heard Fire Away. And I was like: “ehhhhh, it’s Niall’s album, so guess who’s it?? What, you like it? See, Harry’s not the only one who can sing…” jajajajja. It’s because of comments like this, that they think I don’t like Harry. And I get so offended when they hint at it! Like, of course I like Harry. But I like all of them too!! God!! I love Niall’s album so much (I’m hearing it right now, bc I couldn’t remember what song was the one they liked it so much, and now I can’t stop 😅). Harry’s and Niall’s albums have been lining in my car since they were released. I had Harry’s playing in a loop till I got Niall’s one and I interchanged them. Then Harry’s came back a month or so before his concert. And now it’s time for Niall’s again. (You can’t imagine how hard it’s being writing this with honey laying on my arm!! Jajaja, I can’t barely move my fingers😅).
AND WHAT DID YOU DO WHEN YOU REALIZED YOU WERE WATCHING BLACK MIRROS BACKWARDS??? I’ve watched canter 1 and 2 of ST afterwards, but I hadn’t gotten to watch the whole thing yet. I can’t stand to be looking at a screen for 50minutes without doing anything. And don’t get me wrong, lol, I can be on tumblr for hours, jajaja, but a have to move my hand, and I can go from a blog to another… y'know, jajajajaja. And when I watched chapter 7 of ST i was like, okay… now they have to investigate what happened… or a guessed they would be doing flashbacks… jajajajajaja. Then I realized my mistake and thought I was stupid, 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣“I see you from a different point of view🎶🎶” ( sorry, that’s me singing,jajajaja, Seeing Blind. I LOVE that song)And shows have disappointed me in the sense that they turn out to have an awful ending (seriously, I know you do it for the audience, but end a show how it deserves it, don’t turn it into shit just for a handful of money); or bc they just end it bc they don’t have enough audience. It’s always a matter of audience,jajaja.if they have a lot, they want to explode it. And if they don’t have enough they finish it ASAP. 😒
Honey is a menace, yeh, I couldn’t love him more,jajajaja. He can’t see me petting Liam, he gets jealous and comes to me and headbutt my hand so I pet him too. And Liam is so patient with him. They’re totally like liam and Louis, jajja. Hey! did I tell you the story about when I got Liam? no!! Well, someone gave my dad 4 kitties (they were sooooo small). So, guess their names (it was post March 25, 2015…) yes!! They were named (by me) Louis, Niall, Harry and Liam, jajajajajja. But Harry died a couple of days later, because he was really really young. He couldn’t survive without his mom ☹️. And the other three, my dad took them to a place we have were he has a little garden (?) with vegetables and chickens and proper farm-y, jejeje. I wasn’t too (any) into cats back then, so… Then he brought home one of them, to have our home free of mice. AND IT WAS LIAM!! And I adopted him. I took care of him. We started loving each other. And he became useless with mice, jajaja. He’s totally domesticated now 😝. And that’s his story. The rest? Louis became a big alpha male at their new home. But s car ran him over last summer, and he died 😔. And Niall is a female, jajajajaa. And I hate her. Because she hasn’t been able to keep her kitties alive once!! (She’s pregame again, and we’re praying this time she knows who to be a mom🙏🏻) Ah!! And Honey had siblings the other day!! The guy who gave it to my dad is my brother’s friend and he show him a pic. There are two white cats!! I WANT THEM!!! But they don’t let me have anymore cats! Jajajajaja.
Hey, we might have in common the reason why we started liking tats, jajajjajaa. And, well, to piss off the family is as good a reason as any other,jajajaja. And why are dads like that?? When my sister and I got our lips pierced he went to pick up at the train station and as soon as he saw us he turned around and walked to the car without saying a word,jajajajja. I HAD TOLMY PARENTS WE WOULD BE DOING IT!! I asked my mom:hey mom, if a get a 10 in maths, can I get a piercing?? And she say okay. So I got a 10 (I might cheated or not on this, bc I already knew I had a 10, but wel…), and I got a piercing.my sister only got it, bc I was 16, she had to go with me as an adult, and giving she was already there, she got one too,jajajaja. (My granny almost kill us 😅)
Oh, louis has a BIG responsibility on his hands. He will be killing a lot of people when he puts out his album. He has to chose the proper songs to do it. It will be considered a massive destruction weapon, so he better be careful. But god, for real, when will Louis and Liam release their albums. At this pace, Harry and Niall will be releasing their second one before LiLo has finished their respective tours. And when they finish, Narry will have release their second one, and will be promoting them. So Lilo will start working in their seconds one. And… and… AND ONE DIRECTION WON’T COME BACK EVER BECAUSE THEY CAN FIX A DATE WHERE ALL OF THE BOYS HAVE NOTHING TO DO, AND WHAT WILL I DO??? 😭😭😭😭😭 (sorry, I panicked a bit there,oops).
Uggggg, I can’t stand raeggeton either. I can’t stand the music, argggg. Or the culture of it (the how it treats women, and glorifies sex). I can’t I can’t.and you can’t go out without hearing it. My friends and I went on road trip once. And it was my friend’s car. And she only listens to raeggeton. And after 10, 15, 40? minutes I had to ask her “will this song ever end???” And she told me it was already a different one. And I swear I almost jump out of the car,jajajajaja. We were crossing a bridge, and I wanted to jump out of the car!!!!! I couldn’t listen to that any more!!!!!  Ejkbvwirbfeuirnfrvoieefvnv The she caved and we switched to movie’s soundtracks,jajajaja.
Ha! Don’t worry about sending a lot of ask, I learn something, you’ll see,jajajajaa.Also, I forgot to ask early. Is your sister a 1d fan too, then? She goes to concerts and knows the song… how lucky! you have someone to talk about all the gossip!! (And they know what you’re talking about…) or is she a “casual” fan, and doesn’t get into fandom drama? She just likes the music and doesn’t care about their lives?are you both into drama?? God, I don’t discuss drama very much online, but if had someone face to face to talk about it… I would be the happiest person in the world,jajajajaa (what an exaggeration 🙊).
I think this is all. I LOVE ORPUR CONVERSATIONS!! Jajajaja( I hope I did it correctly and all this is under read more, jajaja)Byeeeeee!!!! 😚😚😚😚
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itesfashion · 7 years
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Internet Proofreading Program: Appreciate Informative Course of action
Internet Proofreading Program: Appreciate Informative Course of action
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fashionoutfit6 · 7 years
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Internet Proofreading Program: Appreciate Informative Course of action
Internet Proofreading Program: Appreciate Informative Course of action
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numrad · 7 years
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Struggle day (unknown), account 1
It's 7:30 pm. I have 13-14hrs left to finish with the portions for the exam tomorrow. 10am, Locomoter exam. It's hard. It has a lot of anatomy. Im bad at it because my memory is weak. Also because the subject is dry. I dont like studying what is superficial.
I dont have just anatomy to study for. I need to finish physiology, embryology, histology, biochemistry, pathology, pharamcology, and xommunity medicine for the same Locomoter module. (Thank God microbiology is out). All in 13-14hrs. I need to skim through topics i never studied before. Topics whose classes i havent all attended.
But? Im depressed.
I had a fight/argument with my sisters over my parent's childishness. It was bad. I hoped since a long while now that my only purpose, then, was to bribg my family together, close, with strong foundations of trust and love and loyalty and respect and understanding.
After that fight, I realized its impossible. I dread a future where my sister will walk their own paths, drifting away from each other, from family. Because those are not family values. I thought we were one. Are we? Are we a dysfunctional family. We are. Hence why i made a promise, a purpose, to bring my family together. To fix each other. To bring us all as one.
I wasnt the problem. My sisters werent. My parents werent. We all were, together, the problem. I worked to fix myself. I made sure i was more leniant, understanding, thoughtful, and soft with the other members of my family. I worked. I listened. I had their backs. I hid what they wanted to be hidden. I was there for them. Over all, i listened and understood.
Did they do the same? No.
Did i tell them about my promise? No. I didnt see the need to. If you promise, then work on it. I dont believe in what is verbal. I believe in what must be done.
I learned. What was the point to fight for, when youre the only one fighting for? They werent fighting against me. But they werent fighting for each other.
Why does everything have to revolve around one member of the family? Why the selfishness? Why the narcissm? Why the lack of understanding? No body wants to listen. But everybody wants to be heard.
I was never heard. I was always the only one listening. Always apologizing for my sisters and parents behaviors. Always taking in their mistakes and blaming myself for it. Everything was my fault to them.
I pray im not being selfish. I despise that character.
Oh i pray i pray.
My second sister though, she is a fighter too. Stronger than i am. She is as musch as i am in the pursuit of bringing the family construct together.
Atleast. Im happy. Atleast. Even if it werent for me. Atkeast she is doing it for the other members.
Im depressed. Ive scrolled through insta aimlessly. Through twitter, hoping for new words, but came out worse. Through facebook, aimlessly. Oh amd so many other apps.
Im still laying in bed. My eyes burn from the tears ive shed after the fight. The tears that fear my family's fate: loss, being apart, being strangers. Ive grown tired of fighting.
And i dont want to eat either. My stomach's growling. I dont want to eat. I want to stay hungry.
Also, i havent prayed all 5prayers for 3-4 days straight. I didnt want to. I couldnt. I couldnt get myself to wudhuu. I couldnt get myself to pray. Mentally. Physically i maybe capable. But mentally, i was dead.
I need sleep. I need to sleep this dread off my system. But i cant because of my tight time with trying to finish studying for my exams.
It eats your head. Knowing you never 'really' had parents. I trust neither. Neither listened to me. Neither were there for me. It was always about themselves. Never their children.
Here is my account so far. I feel miserable, and melancholic. Just minutes after i wiped my tears, i visioned myself hanging off the ceiling of this hostel room.
(Im tired. I want to give up. I want to fail this exam. Again.
(,yes my writing is very basic. Yes there are typos. But i cant bring myself to brush up on my writing, and proofread. Im sorry anum if ive failed you.)
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