#ALSO I'm deeply sorry for all the people who wrote in my ask box

[velvetblackjack]

HOWDY MY FELLAS

I came back from the dead (did I??)

Sorry for my almost 7 months of inactivity, I'm currently studying abroad and it turned out it wasn't the best choice I've ever made in my life so far (thanks social anxiety and school assignments, they'll be the end of me).

Anyway I'm not saying I'm going to post something soon, but I'll try my best. I'll also bring new content because yes, my blog needs it...

Thank you to everyone who kept sticking around my blog and patiently waited for my comeback! 🫶🏻 (hope I can make it up with new content very soon)

[thealogie]

I'm sorry but I'm about to treat your ask box like a confessional.

You kind of deserve it, though, because due to your Sherlock rewatch posts I've been forced to remember that 1. Sherlock is a show that exists and 2. that I wrote Sherlock fanfic when I was 13... about SHERLOCK and MOLLY.

In my defence, I was a deeply deeply deeply repressed bisexual who hadn't realized it yet - so all of the obvious and insane gay stuff between Sherlock and John just completely sailed over my head. Also propaganda worked really well on me as a child - so basically I was the ideal viewer for Moftiss lol. There'd be scenes where people mistook Sherlock and John for a couple and I'd go 'huh that's kind of strange that keeps happening' but then it would be played off as a joke and I'd go 'oh yes of course, silly me! Gay people only exist as the punchline! Sherlock and John would NEVER be interested in each other that way. I can't believe anyone would ever think that haha.'

Flash forward to 2017. I'm 17 years old. I've kissed other women by now and have had my brain chemistry rewritten by copious amounts of slash fanfiction. Still young, but wiser to the ways of the world than I once was. The last time I watched Sherlock, I had been 14 years old. Sherlock season 4 airs. I watch it with my mom. It's so bad my brain immediately initiates a trauma response and wipes all memory of Sherlock away. This continues for years. The only times I remember Sherlock exists is whenever I joyfully watch hbomerguy's Sherlock Is Garbage video while I'm knitting or painting or something. Also whenever I have to type in a password for an account I made when I was 13 - because my go-to password was 'SHERLOCKED' back then, unfortunately.

Flash forward to now. I'm 24 years old. And I start seeing your posts about Sherlock. Like a sleeper agent, it awakens something in me. Yesterday, I spent a perfectly good Saturday - one I could have spent doing literally anything else - reading Johnlock fanfiction. I am suddenly re experiencing the show through new eyes, seeing all the queerbait I never did before. Getting hate-crimed on the daily. I'm thinking about Sherlock at work, at my adult fucking job. I'm watching scenes from the show on youtube in my office, quickly and guiltily clicking away whenever a coworker comes to chat. I am considering doing my own rewatch. I am realizing for the first time that John and Sherlock were literally in love. It's the only lens through which you can view the show and still have it be somewhat enjoyable. They literally put Mary in a wedding dress shooting Sherlock in his mind palace on TV. I feel like I'm having a religious experience, I feel like I'm insane, I feel like I'm 13 again. This is all vaguely November 5th-ish for me lol.

Anyway. I just thought you should know the impact your rewatch is having on the population. Sorry for the novel in your inbox. I've been desperately trying to find my old Sherlock x Molly fanfic to read for the lols but I think I deleted it off ffnet. I am both having the time of my life while also desperately hoping I forget Sherlock ever existed again soon. So, basically - thank you/curse you for this.

This is perhaps the best ask I’ve ever received?? I converted a sherlolly shipper in the year 2023? Listen I’d never wish a season 4 rewatch on anyone but I would highly recommend watching s1-2 and the wedding episode for a truly out of body experience. I felt more strongly about this show/ship than any other in my life and it was STILL worse than I remembered

[sparring-spirals]

I need to yell about fcg and *specifically* this great post that you wrote ( https://www.tumblr.com/sparring-spirals/747570433506902016/okay-after-some-sleep-back-on-my-bullshit-lets ) because it made me realize that I really, truly hope Laura will remember she took off her circlet moments before the bang and Imogen had the chance to hear that fcg was at peace with this decision, not because they were trying to be a martyr, but because they had a true chance to save their friends, knowing full well that detonating *would* be a sacrifice because their life *did* matter.

(I hope sending asks is okay, sorry to barge in like this)

Ahw, hell yeah, glad the post hit hard, recontextualizing it in my head helped a lot with chewing through my feelings about. All of this. I'm always okay with asks!! As long as folks are aware I am not necessarily going to agree with every ask that comes in, and more critically, sometimes I disappear off the face of the Earth for a while, dont answer asks, and then feel too embarassed about answering them so much later/get asks about something I didnt watch, go "ah ill answer when i watch it" and then. Well.

(To the various people who sent the total 12 asks that have been sitting in my box for over a year now. I am. So sorry.)

Honestly, I didnt even think about the possibility that Imogen might have heard it, goddamn. Fascinating. I was fully bracing myself for Bell's Hells just- never knowing, and them having to grapple with it. Which. Takes me out at the knees, tbh. I hesitate to speculate on it too much when the episode is going to come out Thursday and probably prove me wrong, but. God, there's no world where the Bell's Hells would instinctively know that F.C.G had made the call with that attitude, and fuck, that puts all of it into a different light, clearly.

I'm a little apprehensive and tbh deeply curious to see how the Bell's Hells take this- the depth of the loss, the sudden nature of it, the victory against Otohan probably not even feeling that way. Maybe wanting to honor F.C.G's sacrifice but. Probably. And understandably. Angry at them for making that call, but he's not. Even there for them to be angry at. So what then? So what then? They can have all these feelings and have all these questions about why he did it, about what he was thinking, and he's not there to answer them, and that's the issue.

If Imogen did hear his last thoughts, this elevates it into a different kind of heartbreaking, but probably still easier overall. The world where they don't know. Is. A more tricky one to navigate, for sure.

But also if I'm being honest. I am not opposed to how the cast would have the Bell's Hells experience and explore that scenario. So i mean. I mean. I hope so too. But if Imogen didnt. Consider me buckled in for whatever happens.

[dumpsterfireofsubtext]

Those were the two points that made me come to terms with the open ending you wrote. And it's glorious and painful both, at once. Your art moved me in a way no other story had done so far, it reached into my psyche and pulled a cord that is still taut and the snap it caused reverberated in me. You and me thinking about how love is always going to be complicated for them, about why an open ending left me in such an emotional place, about god and divinity and my own relationship to those concepts. Which talking about it would be another wall of text, so I'm gonna wrap it up. Thank you, thank you thank you so much sincerely. You gifted me a story that shook me, that has a personal meaning. And made me look at a couple issues about myself that I keep working on, topics of love, god, truth, the alchemy that is being loved by someone special and the possibility that letting go is the end of the road sometimes. But theirs is an open ending, as such I'll have to work hard to make my brain picture what could happen. To find the possibility under that bell curve that makes the most sense to who they are. I'm so sorry for clogging your ask box this way 😭 I could have written this dumb essay on ao3, but for some reason I do feel that reaching out through Tumblr is almost like knocking on the actual door of your house and drop by to say 'hello your art has touched me deeply, thank you' I sincerely hope none of the various parts of this ask are lost by Tumblr's system (it has happened to me sometimes) and lastly, your story moved me in a way that's made decide to try my hand at writing for them. Maybe I'll write my personal end to your story, if only for myself. I'm sure I will be bad at it, but they have taken hold of my brain and won't let go until I puke out whatever they want me to. Thanks for your story and your vision for it, you are insanely talented, this fandom is lucky to have you. If you want to publish all parts of my ask publicly it's ok, and if not that's ok too

This ask is in regards to my Avatrice Wings of desire AU (becasue i'm structuring this ask weirdly)

First off, thank you!! It took me a while to respond to this simply because I was figuring out just how exactly to respond. It'll probably be a bit unorthodox but I'm going to respond to your penultimate ask and paste your other ones in if anybody else wants to read through them and get a little context. 

To be frank, I’m pleased my fic gave you such a visceral reaction. I knew people were going to have mixed feelings over it, but I never intended for the ending to be easy, though I’d like to think it's not such a devastating open ending, but fairly hopeful. It’s so interesting to see people connect with my writing on a personal level (I also had a relationship that ended weirdly. The feelings were there but the circumstances were, quite frankly, dog shit. It didn’t work out, and you're right: those partings are always worse). 

Also, don’t apologise for sending me such a long ask! It was all so fascinating and really made me think. I had to read your comments a few times over to really appreciate the beautiful points you were making :) very interesting stuff.

In regards to this ask (which is long and wouldn't fit into one screen shot):

I’m so so so pleased because it seems like you’ve really grasped and understood the version of Ava and Beatrice I was angling for. This ask specifically… i think you really nailed what i was going for, and nailed Ava and Bea’s characterisations in general. This line particularly:

 “Ava did exactly what she was going to do. Keep trying to outrun her pain, with or without Bea. And Bea would stay behind because she's her own person, the person Ava helped to develop, and thanks to her she has the strength to say I cannot follow this time.”

And to answer this ask! All is not lost, an epilogue is still on the cards!

And in regards to your own endeavours, the first step to writing is just banging something out on a page and pushing through the discomfort of trying something new. I salute you on your journey :)

Thank you so much for such a thought out response to my work. It means so so much to me that I've written something that warrants this kind of response, truly I'm profoundly touched.

I really really appreciate people who not only comment on ao3, but also take the time to send me such thoughtful asks here on tumblr (you're right, it does sort of feel like knocking at my front door hehe)

Thank you, friend <3 I’m honoured that my work has touched you like this :’)

[aniron48]

Oh oh oh tipsy ask box! I love those!!! 😍

I would love to hear your thoughts about your favourite fic you’ve written.

Hello Mac! Another one of my favorite people! 🥰 welcome to my tipsy ask box, where because I am smooshy drunk on port* I would like to say some nice things about the people in my ask box before probably answering your question. So! some of my favorite things about Mac: 1) she writes some of the most exquisite (I am not going to tell you how long it took me to type that word) fics I have ever read, they are so deeply felt and also the prose is lovely; 2) among these lovely fics are some of the most amazing smut I have ever read, definitely read these but not if there are other people around unless you have a good poker face, because they are 🔥 <-- I could not find the chile pepper emoji but a fire is also hot so here we are; 3) she is also just a kind and encouraging person and fandom is lucky to have her. there you have it. 💜

*if there are any of you who have not had port, beware, he is a sweet but deadly wine

I think this is the hardest question I got tonight, and I am a little bit nervous to answer it. liquid courage! here it is:

My favorite thing I've written this year is the 00leiter fic I wrote for the Fanworks Fiesta, called "all the flags we've hung." (I feel like I should link to it but the links are beyond me at this point, alas 😂) This was the first thing I wrote where I was acutely aware of the possibility that 1) no one would like it, and 2) no one would even want to read it in the first place. the reasons for that were, first, Felix/Bond is a bit of a rare pair, at least when compared to 00q; and second, I couldn't bring myself to write a lighthearted prompt fill for this one. I hesitate to ever say what I think one of my fics is "about," because I do think that fics, once you have written them, belong to the reader, no? But I will say that, in a sense, this fic is an exploration of many kinds of love: the love between Bond and Felix in this fic, which defies easy categorization, and doesn't fit neatly, maybe, into a box of what we consider romantic love; and also love of country--of patriotism, and what it might mean for Felix to fight for, and love, a country that actively marginalizes and harms him in many ways. That was the other thing that made this scary to write, and also potentially unpopular: I wrote directly and explicitly about racism in the United States, its effect on Felix and his work, and even how that experience of racism creates a gulf between Bond and Felix that is not easily overcome. At the end of the day, however, I simply couldn't *not* write this. There is not a lot of fic, at least in this fandom, that accurately represents me or my experiences. This is not a dig or--shit I cannot remember the word, forgive me. I'm trying to say that I'm not criticizing here, just pointing out that of course the Bond movies are in some ways very white, so of course the things written about them would be, too. This simply is what it is. But, like many authors, I think I'm constantly walking that line between the characters as they are in canon, and also bringing my entire self to what I write. And the experience of *my* entire self is, in many ways, more like that of Felix than of Bond. All that to say I poured my whole heart into this fic, and while to date it is the one that has had the least interaction, I think it is the one I am the proudest of, and will be for a while.

Mac I am so sorry, I wrote you an entire ass novel, thank you for your patience!!! 💜 thank you for this lovely question as well. I am going to go drink some water.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

hello ash, i dearly cherish your writing and have a sort of related question. you write of hope a lot -- obviously this is a whump blog, but your stories are heavy on found family and recovery and good people finding each other and eventual happiness, and you write of these things so convincingly that I have to ask: do you believe they happen in real life? not just believe, i guess, but would you say they do, actually? i'm in college and don't have many adults in my life, much less any who seem the least bit content, on any level. if i'd asked any of them (and i have, regrettably) they would tell me it doesn't get better. i read a lot, things with the same themes you write about, but it all reads like... well, fiction. but your stories and your characters feel so real i find myself believing their happiness. do you write those parts from experience, someone else's or yours? i know obviously it doesn't get better for *everyone*, and for some it only gets worse, i've seen it numerous times. but i wanna know what you think. i'm deeply sorry if this is too heavy of a question. if you decide not to answer, i completely understand, i am a stranger after all! instead i'd just like to thank you for what you do here, as pessimistic as i might sound your stories truly, truly do help me tremendously. chris' story in particular has gotten me through some of the most horrific times in my life. i hope you're aware how grateful we are and how much comfort you've brought people here. thank you for reading this, and i hope you have a warm (if not in temperature then otherwise) day.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ you are lovely, anon, and this was so sweet of you to send.

So, I do pull from my own experiences for details, 100%. The bit I just wrote about a college girl going through her recently deceased grandfather's things? My grandfather died when I was fourteen, granted, but that horse and cigarette holder described in the piece are what I kept as my thing to remember him by. I still have the horse, but my mother kept the cigarette holder when I moved out. The cluttered office full of receipts and papers and boxes? Very real.

Child characters who feel isolated and shut out from others their age? Very real experience of mine. Right down to the Valentine's Day box debacle that Tristan experienced, except that my mom didn't pick me up, I just sat in the principal's office for the afternoon.

Watching Cardinals as a kind of visitation from those who have died? That's a cultural thing where I was born and raised that found its way into my work.

Bahram's depression and breakdown description mirror a similar situation my partner once went through (entirely different reasons for it, but some of it presented similarly).

I have had the friend who kept going back to an abuser and felt the frustration Jake feels watching Kauri push those who love him away.

I have felt Danny's pain as a sibling who didn't quite fit with what my parents expected, and who therefore was always on the outside looking in. Although my parents were not abusive in any way.

I know someone who experienced what Jake did as a child - trapped in an abusive family and their church community rallying around the abuser and essentially chasing out the survivor and her child.

So, I guess in short, I use a lot of real life experiences to inform me, although I never use a detail from someone else's life without consent.

What I don't know, I obsessively research until I feel better informed and able to write it. I read, but I also speak directly to people who have the experiences I don't.

[fruitcoops]

Remus gets injured in a game. I have literally read everything you have written but i'm not sure if you have wrote one like this. If you have, ANOTHER PLZZ

Hello anon! I wove this together with a couple different prompts, listed below:

1. Coops argument

2. Prompt 21: “You need to eat something”

3. Remus gets in a fight with Snape

4. Protective Sirius

5. Coops going home grumpy after losing a game (see link)

Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove! TW for fights, blood, bruises, arguments, and someone getting called a wh*re

Snape’s cheek gave easily beneath Remus’ fist, which was a tad bit surprising. He wrapped his other hand in the neckline of his jersey, yanking him back in to land another punch to the side of his head—that would leave a nasty bruise in the morning. Stars sparkled in his vision as Snape got a lucky shot in and he doubled down, ignoring the thin line of pain that trickled down his chin.

“Break it up, boys, that’s enough!” The referee’s whistle blew as he and another pried Remus’ hands off Snape’s jersey; someone took him by the shoulders and pushed him away from the fight. Pots.

“Say it again!” Remus shouted at Snape as the refs and their teammates continued pulling them apart. “Say it again and I’ll knock your fucking teeth in!”

James’ hold on him faltered for a second as another person skated over and tried to join the melee. “Cap, no!”

“Move, Pots.”

“Loops won the fight, it’s done. Let’s just keep playing.” James shoved both their chests hard enough to send them back a few inches, but Remus’ blood boiled as he ground his mouthguard between his teeth. He glanced up at the clock—3:16 left in the third, Snakes up by two. Their win was almost guaranteed and Snape was still pulling this bullshit.

He skated quickly over to the bench and mumbled his thanks to Hestia as she pressed some gauze to his lip and ice to his cheek. “Lupin, you’re in for the rest of the game,” Coach Weasley said, tapping him on the arm with his playboard. “Anything broken?”

“No, Coach.”

“Then get your ass back out on the ice and score some points. We need some speed.”

He could feel the fury rolling off Sirius as they wove through the Snakes’ defense, shooting again and again to no avail. Frustration built up in every nerve—he was worried about the win, of course, but mostly he was pissed. Pissed at Snape, pissed at James for pushing him, and pissed at Sirius for butting into the fight.

Remus scored a final goal just as the buzzer sounded. Hissing filled the stadium, even though it was a home game. Snape smirked at him as he skated past and the only thing keeping him from dragging him right back in by his greasy hair was the possible suspension.

The shower was cold, because of course the fucking shower was cold. Remus shoved his stuff in his duffel and waited outside the locker room, silently fist bumping the guys as they left. God, he hated losing games. It was inevitable, but it always felt shitty.

“How’s the lip?” Sirius asked when he finally came out, bag slung over his shoulder.

“Fine. What the fuck was that?”

“What was what?”

“You butted into my fight. Nobody asked you to.”

Sirius’ eyebrows rose. “Re, he called you—”

“Yeah, I know what he called me,” Remus snapped, practically slamming the door to the parking lot closed. “I was there.”

The only reason you’re on this team is because you’re the captain’s whore, Snape had sneered. He bit the inside of his cheek as his anger flared at the memory. “I was just trying to help,” Sirius grumbled.

“Well, you didn’t. You proved his fucking point.”

“I didn’t prove shit!” Sirius scoffed as they got in the car. Immediately, Remus felt claustrophobic.

“I had it handled, Sirius!”

“You’re still bleeding!”

Remus ran his tongue along his lip—sure enough, the salty tang of blood filled his mouth. He swore under his breath and held his sleeve to his lip; his cheekbone throbbed and he knew it would be swollen in mere hours.

“Here.”

“I don’t need that.”

“You’d rather stain your sleeve than accept a tissue from me?”

“It’s a black sweatshirt, it’s fine.” Sirius muttered something. “Care to share with the class?”

Sirius sighed as he turned off the freeway. “I said it was your idea to keep these here in the first place. I don’t know why you’re being all pissy with me. We’ve lost games before.”

“I’m pissed because you don’t think I can handle myself in a fight.”

Sirius took his eyes off the road for a half second in shock. “Excuse me? Why do you think that?”

“I just told you!” Remus said, exasperated. “Snape was being a dick, so I punched him. I didn’t need your hero complex to swoop in and save the day.”

“Re, I didn’t even get a hand on him. Pots—”

“Oh, I’m pissed at him as well,” Remus snorted, staring out the passenger window at the blurry lights against the dark. “If someone calls me a whore, I’d rather get the message across that they can’t do it again.”

“Would you rather have gotten a penalty?”

“Yes.”

“That is unbelievably selfish.”

Remus laughed without humor. “Y’know, it’s really funny that you’ve never had this conversation with Logan, the king of the penalty box. Is it because he’s not a delicate flower like me?”

“Wh—” Sirius clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, Remus. I have never seen you as a—a delicate flower. For your information, I have chewed Logan out on multiple occasions.”

Remus gritted his teeth and trained his gaze firmly out the window. He heard Sirius sigh next to him and it took every ounce of willpower to keep his composure. The next ten minutes were dead silent and deeply uncomfortable, which was a rarity with them; even after losses, they would talk through the errors or try to lighten the mood.

Both of them closed their doors a little harder than necessary when they got to the house and Hattie trotted over hesitantly when they came inside. “Hey, Hatters,” Remus murmured, crouching down to her level and holding a hand out. She licked his cheek and let him bury his face in her thick fur—Sirius scratched her ears as he walked past. “Did you have a good time while we were out? Huh, baby girl?” He looked up and saw the tail end of Sirius’ eye roll. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Sirius, it doesn’t work. I’m giving the dog a hug because I’m still pissed at you.”

“There is literally no good reason for you to be pissed at me!” Sirius finally said, tossing his keys into the bowl by the door. “Holy shit, Re, I don’t even think you’re mad at me!”

“Oh, yeah? Then who am I mad at, oh great and wise captain?” Remus practically spat, shouldering past him into the kitchen and wrenching a cabinet open. “Please enlighten me.”

“I wish I knew!”

Remus slammed the bread down on the counter and glared at him. “Then maybe you should shut the fuck up if you don’t have anything to support your claim.”

“Acting like this is a goddamn debate club isn’t helping. Your lip is bleeding again.”

“Fuck.” Remus ripped a paper towel off the roll and dampened it, holding it to his lip with a wince. Sirius opened the freezer and dug around for a moment with another paper towel. “I don’t remember you getting hit.”

“This is for you, you stubborn fucker,” Sirius said as he walked over and pressed it gently to the side of Remus’ face. “Better?”

“…a bit.”

The tension on Sirius’ face began to fade; he just looked concerned as he pulled the ice away and checked the bruise. “Your eye might swell.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you actually want to talk now, or should we yell a little more?”

Remus sighed and felt his anger abate. He was beyond exhausted, and still upset, but having Sirius nearby was like balm on a burn. “I don’t know.”

“I’m going to make some sandwiches. Hold this.” Sirius tapped the ice towel and moved to the abandoned loaf, grabbing some peanut butter and jelly as he went.

“I’m not hungry.”

“You need to eat something.”

“I’m fine.”

Sirius glanced over his shoulder and gave him a look. “I know you, Re. You’re not going to feel better unless you get some food, and neither will I.”

“I hate it when you’re reasonable.”

“No, you don’t.”

Remus’ lack of response was enough of an answer. The pain stretched to his forehead and he grimaced, prodding his lip cautiously. Sirius whistled for Hattie and spread the leftover peanut butter from the knife onto a clean spoon, holding it down for her to lick. A smile tugged the corner of Remus’ mouth. “Cute.”

“I can be cute on occasion.”

“You’re always cute.” There was a beat of quiet. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re forgiven. I’m sorry for yelling.”

“Not for interrupting the fight?”

“Nope.”

“That’s fair.” Something tickled at the back of Remus’ throat. “I fucking hate Snape.”

“Me, too.”

“Surprisingly enough, it feels pretty shitty to be called a whore. Who would’ve thought?”

Sirius turned and faced him, sleeves rolled to his elbows. His eyes were soft. “You know that’s not true, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Remus. What he said wasn’t true. You have nothing to prove to anyone on the team, least of all to me. You earned that spot on the roster fair and square, and Snape’s just freaked out because there’s another player who could grind him into the dust without breaking a sweat.” He stepped closer and leaned on the counter next to Remus, leaving a few inches between them. “I don’t think you’re a whore, if that means anything.”

Remus laughed softly. “Of all the people out there, I think you’re the only one who could reliably make that assumption.”

Sirius didn’t smile. “You’re my best friend and also my fiancé. The sex is a great bonus, but my favorite part of being with you is just being with you.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Remus muttered, though the sharp edges began to smooth in his gut. He closed the distance between them and laid his head on Sirius’ shoulder. “Love you.”

“I love you, too. Can I take a look at your lip?”

“Sure.” Remus peeled the towel away and Sirius bent slightly, poking the area around it. “Ouch.”

“That’ll probably take a week or so to heal. He got you good.”

Remus pouted. “No kisses for a week?”

Sirius did laugh that time, bright and sunny enough that Remus nearly made his lip bleed again with the answering smile. “I said nothing about no kisses.” Warm lips trailed from his unbruised cheekbone to the edge of his mouth, leaving tiny tingles in their wake.

“I really am sorry about what I said. You were right, I wasn’t angry with you, and I had no right to go off like that.”

Sirius shrugged. “It happens.”

“It shouldn’t.”

“Then let’s agree to talk first, bite heads off later, okay?” He held his pinky out and Remus linked it with his own, kissing it quickly.

“Deal. Are the sandwiches done? I’m starving.”

Wordlessly, Sirius handed him a sandwich and hopped up to sit on the counter, scooting over to make room for Remus to join him. They ate quietly, swinging their legs as the calmness of the kitchen crept back in once more.

[justcafewriter]

Bittersweet

pairing : Oda Sakunosuke x Reader

genre : a mix of fluff and angst (only a little bit of angst i guess ^^;)

warning : contain death

prompt : roasting sweet potato

summary : a bittersweet memory always find its way to you whenever winter come

word count : 2.4K

a/n : another story from a different prompt for the 12 days of cheer collab. the general idea was to have Makoto as the main character and fluff as the genre but I recently have Oda brainrot thanks to my dear friend, Clio :') so here we go.

The sound of your kitchen timer ringed loudly, making you swiftly walk to the kitchen and stop where the oven is and turn it off before you put on your kitchen gloves and open the oven's lid. The smell of roasted sweet potato filled your nostrils, a satisfactory smile appeared on your face as you're checking if it's properly roasted and it did. You look at the clock, it's now 9am and you just need to change your clothes before you're finally ready to go. 15 minutes later, you're already in your bestest outfit, a necklace with a home-shaped pendant decorating your outfit nicely, you're wearing a bit of makeup and let your hair loose. You look at your reflection, smiling as you think that you look the way someone you'll meet like.

After you put on your shoes, you're ready to go with a box of roasted potato in one hand and a bouquet of flowers that you've already arranged yourself in another. A mix of Pink Camelia, Pink Carnation, Red Chrysanthemum and Forget-Me-Not. You look at the bouquet in your hand before your eyes drift to the frames that's standing on the table not too far from the entrance of your apartment.

One of the frames contained a photo of a young man with reddish-brown hair, his azure eyes seemed so gentle as he was smiling happily. Another frame contained a photo of you and that young man, there's a little scribble on that photo saying "first date with Oda ♡". You smile upon seeing those photos, a warm feeling crept inside your heart as you see the smiles both of you wore in that sacred moment.

With a heavy sigh you finally get out from your apartment. The weather is not that nice but you can say that it's not bad either, especially since it's December now. As you're walking, you see a lot of people around, some busying themselves buying gifts for Christmas and you're giving note to yourself to not forget searching for one.

It doesn't take long until you finally arrive at your destination. You're walking toward a big tree and lay a small blanket before you sit on it. You're smiling as you see the one who you want to see resting there.

"I'm here, Oda." You whispered as a gentle smile appeared on your beautiful face. "And I bring roasted potatoes too!"

Suddenly, your mind traced on the first day he finally has courage to talk to you.

-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-

7 years ago

You were eating your favorite curry at your favorite small shop like you usually do when suddenly a tall man with stubble came and asking for 'usual'. You look at his figure before you try to continue eating your food. Yes, try. Because the man who just came was also the reason why you keep coming back to the shop. He gave you this mysterious aura which told you to not get too close to him but also at the same time you drew to him and your eyes landed on nothing but him.

Silent filled the room, only the sound of the chef (also the owner) cooking could be heard when suddenly the man beside you asked, "How's the kids?" which was answered with, "Like usual." By the chef.

Again, silence filled the room. You try to continue to eat when suddenly the man beside you said, "Do you like sweet potatoes?" You paid him no mind since you thought that he was probably talking to the chef again but then you felt a pair of eyes looking at you, so you were looking at your right only to be watched by a pair of beautiful azure eyes. You tried your best to not spit on your food because you swear that the curry seems like entering the wrong hole.You tried to gulp down that damn curry before you sipped the cold water beside your plates.

"You're asking me?" You asked, looking at him with your doe eyes, you saw a tint of pink appear on his cheeks.

"Ah, sorry if I'm being rude and yes I was asking you." He said as he rubbed his hair.

"I.. I like sweet potatoes." You said again, you weren't lying, it's not like you love them by lots but you enjoy eating them.

"Good. So you wouldn't mind to join us later? If you have time of course." A sheepishly smile appeared on his face.

Your face brightened at the invitation, not gonna lie, you were so interested at this man so having him inviting you was something that you'd like to have.

"Well, what time is later?" You asked, no matter how happy you feel you need to play it cool.

"Uhm.. later as in after we finished our meal." He answered. "I heard a saying that said, 'women have another stomach for dessert'."

"Well it's very much true and I feel like I need to accept your invitation, especially if it's coming from a gentleman like you." You said and the moment you said it, that man knew that you were a very special person and he knew that you would change him in any way possible.

"My name is Oda Sakunosuke." That man said while stretching out his hand.

"My name is Y/N." You said, while gripping that man's hand. The moment his large hand wrapping yours, you knew that you couldn't escape to fall for him more deeply.

-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-

"Y/N-san! Odasaku! come here, come here. Sakura has practiced her singing skill and she will sing for us!" Kousuke, the oldest kid of orphaned children who Oda adopted said as he was welcoming you and Oda. It has been a year since you were dating Oda and you've met the kids countless times so they already welcomed you like you're always belonged there. Oda never knew why he introduced the kids to you and told you that he adopted them all. Well, he knew why. He wanted to know how your reaction would be. He was glad when he saw that you were very much okay with him having kids despite he was only 21 years old at that time.

"Oh, Y/N-san! You brought a lot of sweet potatoes!" Another child named Katsumi said after he appeared from nowhere.

"Yes, I'm gonna make roasted sweet potatoes because Odasaku said that you guys like them and we couldn't enjoy them that much last year."

"Your roasted potatoes taste so delicious." The youngest kid, Sakura, said as she approached you. The rest of two kids also joined you and Oda while they were agreeing to what Sakura said.

"Okay, okay. Odasaku and I will clean the sweet potatoes before we roast them so you all can prepare things in the living room and clean it up a bit. You say you will help uncle right?" You said and all the kids accepting your guidance before they stormed into the living room.

"How can they listen to you so well?" Oda said once the kids left the kitchen as he approached you. He wrapped his hands around your waist before he inhaled your scent and put his lip close to your jawline before he kissed it, that gesture made you turn around so you were facing him and process to kiss his lips before saying, "It's a secret."

A laugh erupted from both of you. Oda then pulled you closer to him before he planted a kiss on your lips, a passionate one if you could tell. The kiss made your feet feel like jelly and your lips burned in sensation of his sweet, honey taste lips. His stubble roughly rubbed the skin around your mouth but it didn't give you any effect to pull away.

"Uhm!!" You heard someone try to disturb the moment you have with Oda so you broke the kiss only to find the oldest kid, Kousuke gave you a 'what-the-hell-are-you-doing' look. "Sorry to interrupt but the potatoes won't roast themselves aren't they?" He snickered.

You and Oda were stuttering as you both tried to reasoning your action. Fast forward, all the seven of you were already in the living room with a warm roasted potato on the table and warm green tea accompanied it.

You were listening to Sakura singing a Christmas song then after that you were just listening to the kids rumbling about their days before finally the show that the kid wanted to watch has started. It was suddenly quiet, you were sitting in the back with Oda sitting beside you and his hand was around your waist. You put your head on his shoulder as you also lingered your hands around his torso. Both of you sit there in silence, watching the kids immersed in the movie that they watched.

After the movie finished, you saw the kids were all sleeping. Oda then moved them one by one to their bedroom with you helping him by preparing their bed and tucked them once Oda put them on their bed. After you tucked the last kid, both of you look at the sight of five angelic kids sleeping figures and you couldn't help but feel the warmness inside your heart and you knew Oda felt the same because you felt a pair of strong arms lingering around your waist as he hugged you from behind.

"One day… One day we will move from this town, we'll move to another place near the beach, where the kids can run as far as possible, where the kids can enjoy much sunshine while they're playing outside, where they will have baby siblings and play with them and teach them one thing or two. I, I'm sorry for being so selfish but please bear with me a little more. I promise you everything will be better." You heard Oda say those words before he kissed your crown. You, on the other side felt your tears run down to your cheeks.You knew about his occupation yet you still accept him and love him with all your might. Mafia who doesn't kill. That was what his colleagues called him. And you knew the reason why, he told you about it, about his dream, about how he wanted to be a writer, how he wanted to have a house with a window facing the ocean as he wrote the continuation of his favorite book. He shared his dream with you, shared his obsession and you were very much so supporting to his idea.

"I will wait as much as possible if it's come to you. To the kids that I thought of my own. That's how much I love you, Oda." You whispered but it was loud enough for Oda to hear.

You felt Oda broke the hug before he asked you to close your eyes and you did. Suddenly you felt a cold metal at the crook of your neck, then he told you to open your eyes. The first thing you did was to look down and there you saw a necklace with a house-shaped pendant. You ask him what it was about and he told you that it was a token, a token to what he promised to you; the next stage of relationship.

You couldn't help but crying at his explanation, he was so shocked because that wasn't the reaction that he expected.

-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-

It was less than a year when you heard news from Oda's friend, Dazai, that Oda was seriously injured. Your head was spinning like crazy and your heart was beating so fast it felt like it'd burst out from your body anytime. The time when you come to where Dazai told you, Oda was long gone, his body already cold and lifeless. That was when your world sinked into hell, when your heart broke into pieces it couldn't be repaired, when you couldn't even scream in pain as you saw a lifeless body that belonged to a man who you loved dearly.

-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-

A single tear escapes from your eyes as you reminisce the memory of your now deceased fiance. You saw his name engraved on the tombstone in front of you before you put the bouquet that you bring on top of his grave. It has been 4 years since Oda left you, and you also learnt about the kids he adopted, that they were also already dead because they caught up in Oda's last mission. Another tears escapes and run down to your cheeks, you try to hold it because you already swore to only show Oda your happy side, to not make him worry when he's watching you from heaven above.

"It's okay to cry." You hear a familiar voice of Oda's friend, Dazai. "I bet that's what Oda would say to you." He says again as he's walking towards your direction.

You saw him holding a small bouquet of flowers.

"Zinnia. Thoughts of absent friends." You say as you look at the flower.

"Longing for you, I'll never forget you, I love you and True love memories." Dazai says after he placed his bouquet next to yours. "Odasaku was so lucky to meet you." He says again.

"Both of us are lucky to meet each other, but not lucky enough to be together in this life." You smile bitterly as you spit on your last words. The words are surely hurt and the reality you're facing now is surely cruel and Dazai knew what kind of hell you've been through after you learnt a sadistic truth 4 years ago, after you learnt the fact that you lost the most important person in your life.

"I still feel thankful that you live your life to your best, that you carry out Oda's dream and even you're doing more than he can do. You build an orphanage, you're taking care of unfortunate children and I'm sure Oda is gonna be proud of you." Dazai says as he pat your head, like a big bro he is.

"That's the only thing I can do." You say.

"It's getting cold now, let me take you home." Dazai offers and you decide that it's the time you need to go.

"Till then, Oda." You says before you rub his tombstone and accepting Dazai's offer to take your hand and walk with him, leaving a bittersweet memory behind you as you leave the cemeteries.

collab taglist: @animatedarchives @azxmii @yamaguchi-stan

[b000mbayah]

Without

Warnings: I wrote this last year when I was dumb so ignore how putrid it is :)

Word count: 2k

Snow gliding through the sky as it piles up on the concrete streets. The sky is cloudy as a mist fogs up our surroundings. Streets of Seoul full of people looking for gifts for relatives. The festive holiday is coming up and people are able to spend the day with loved ones. I used to be one of those people.

I lost my true love a month ago. It was a stupid argument over the most irrelevant thing imaginable, I was just so fuming at the time that I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. It was a trap, either way I was screwed. If I had continued the argument it would have worsened and if I had stopped earlier she still would have left me.

I could see in her eyes that she was broken due to the amount of times I've done this to her. I broke her again... I've broken her for the last time, and now she's gone.

If I had said sorry she would have left, if I begged she would have left, if I had just stopped myself from shouting in the first place. She's scared of me now, her eyes so full of fear as she trembled on the spot. I'll never forget the way she looked at me every time.

The following mornings were full of me proving to her that I loved her whether she wanted it or not. I would have done anything to make her forgive my foolish actions, couldn't do that last month though. It all seems pointless, love. I mean there are positive and negative outlooks on love.

Love can fill you with pure joy and excitement to the point that you forget the numbness that you'll feel after it's over with.

It leaves you broken as if you're a ship with treasure that crashes onto land, losing all its precious moments and times as everything inside spills out, never to be found again.

There are more negatives to love than positives and I swear that I'll never forget her, she was the one I loved most and I let go of her hand, I let her slip and now she's gone.

watching her on stage made me cry every time, hearing the news JYP sent out made me depressed... hearing that she had to have a break from her schedules made me feel guilty.

I look around my room as I retreat away from the window, empty takeaway boxes and cans all around my room. My eyes droop down to my phone on the floor.

Cautiously, I crouch down and pick the electronic up off of the ground. I bite my lip as all my notifications pop up. Multiple miss calls and text messages from all my contacts.

I tap on my messages to see hundreds upon hundreds of messages from my contacts, all of my contacts had text me, all but one. The one that had deleted my number, I refuse to delete hers though, it contains too many memories for me to simply release into a void.

I gulp as I click onto Jihyo's contacts as our last conversation over the phone comes up. All of this was just before the final argument. I was questioning where she was and when she'd get home. She was only practicing with her other members in their dance studio, I let my jealousy get the best of me, again..

I throw the phone at the wall as I got dressed and headed out, I can't say in my apartment forever. I forced myself out the door for the building and into the chilly winter breeze. I inhaled and exhaled the fresh air before taking steps towards the supermarket.

Layers of trampled snow surround the street. As I pass shops I take a simple look inside.

"Y/N!" I turn on my heel to be greeted with my best friend running up to me, a member of twice. I let out a broken smile as sana springs up to me with a massive grin and arms open.

Within seconds she gives me a bone crushing hug. ''y/n, please tell me you're okay?" sana rushes in a speed faster than chaeyoungs rapping skills.

"yeah, I'm just.... Upset about the situation" I frown as she gives me a look of sadness. She nods her head and opens her mouth, "I'm upset as well, I really liked you two together" sana smiles at her words as I gulp, she really liked us together?

"I've been trying to contact you for weeks and weeks but nothing, please may I take you to dinner? You look like you haven't been eating the correct amount of food, I need to stuff you up I time for Christmas" sana says with a worried tone

"s-sure" I stutter out as she grabs my hand and takes me through crowds of people that surround the streets and up to a fancy restaurant where richer people would dine. "w-we cat eat here, it's to expensive, I don't want to cost you that much money"

"no y/n, it's okay, it's nothing really only a few hundred. My clothes are worth more than this'' sana giggles out as she gets us a table with a view of a frozen pond. It took us what? Twenty minutes to get here for a view I'd a pond with what's most likely to be frozen fish inside. I'm not complaining but like those poor fish...

"Take your time, when you're ready to order please ring this bell" a waiter explains as she hands us the menus. We thank her before she walks away.

"what do you fancy getting?" sama asks as I scan the menu's dishes. "urm, the... Mmmm"

"steak?" sana asks me as u nod and go along with the choice. Sana hums as she also decides on what she's getting. I ring the bell as the waiter from before comes back with a pen and notepad.

"what can I get for you ladies?" they ask as sana gives him the order. He bows and leaves us. I turn my head to sana who's wearing a permanent smile right now.

"please come round to our dorm, the girls miss you" I tilt my head before nodding.

"sure but I may have to avoid jihyo" sana frowns at my words but nods her head.

Soon after the meal I ended up at the dorm. Still have no idea how I'm going to deal with this but I'm just going to have to hope for the best I guess. Sana pushes the door open silently, we take our shoes off before continuing on. As we creeped up on tzuyu, even though there was no point, I managed to make eye contact with momo who was eating the packet of cookies I had sent her months ago. She must be really far behind in her food gifts if she's only eating them now.

I place a finger to my own lips as she nods and watches with curiosity filling her eyes.

As we were practically behind Tzuyu we both leap at the same time, causing tzuyu to let out a yelp as we all tumble to the floor. I let out a giggle as tzuyu groans due to the impact. "Get off of me you pathe- y/n?" tzuyu changes the subject half way through as notices me. I smile and give her a small wave. "what are you doing here?" she questions looking at me like she's trying to read me.

oh so I'm a book now????

"I invited her-" I cut sana off, "she dragged me here, oh it was awful, she demanded it and she explained how she would burn down my house and throw me in a ditch if I didn't come" I dramatically say as sana huffs out a gush of air.

"alright then... If you say so but please get off of me, you're both killing me" tzuyu states as we stand back up, dusting ourselfs off.

We enter the living room to see everyone here, including Jihyo...

"Y/N!" everyone in the room exclaims but Sana, Tzuyu and Jihyo. I somehow become covered with six different females as they squeeze me like a teddy bear. Once they all release me, I give them a wide smile and bow as they copy my action.

"y/n, how have you been? We've been busy with-" and I couldn't hear anything dahyun was saying, I am way more focused on Jihyo. Her expression is unreadable as she gulps from time to time. her eyes dart around to find an excuse to leave but nothing comes to her mind.

As soon as she looks up we lock eye contact. I forgot how much I loved those eyes, her eyes show dedication, passion, strength, love... All the things I wish I had. I probably sound whipped for her and the truth is, I am. I would do anything for us to get back together but that wont happen.

"right y/n?" I break eye contact as I respond with a simple nod since my throat is sore from all the crying and screaming I've been doing. I really have been beating myself up over this break up.

"I said that her hair looked like a donkey on steroi-" and blank out again as I make eye contact once again with Jihyo. Only this time we break it for a few seconds before reuniting our eyes.

Without me or Jihyo noticing, Tzuyu manages to take the other members away to give us alone time. Once we realise they're gone an awkward situation is placed between us...

"how have you been?" she begins as she examines the pictures hung on the walls. "pretty bad, you?" I respond as she gulps down on air. "same, what's your reason?"

I freeze, thinking on if should I tell her the truth or not? There's nothing wrong with the truth. "if I'm honest... I've been beating myself up about the breakup, I'm deeply sorry for how I treated you Jihyo. That month I had spent alone had given me time to reflect on my behaviour and what I have done" Jihyo looks at me with an interested look but there's also something else there. "continue..."

"the way I treated you during that relationship was completely irresponsible, I had spent that entire month locked up in my apartment crying about what I had done, I was so frustrated with myself that I couldn't bring myself to forget about it and I'm sorry if I'm invading your personal space by being here but I really hope that one day you can forgive me" my voice goes shaky towards the end as tears form in the corner of my eyes. Jihyo looks me up and down, about to say something when the door opens up.

I watch as a male walks up to Jihyo, I could only see the back of his head as he's asking her questions before turning around to face me. RM? "she doesn't want to see you, please leave her alone she has me now."

My eyes widen in shock but I bow and apologise once again before rushing out crying again. I rush past the other members who share a look of concern before chase after me calling my name. I ignore them though and continue to rush my way out of that place, not wanting to be there anymore due to the once sweet but  now awful memories I have there.

[leagueofidiots]

Happy Birthday Dabi!!!!

A.) Triggers!! Mentions of past abuse

B.) Shigadabi yeet

C.) I headcanon Jan 18 as the day Touya died, but I wrote this back when I thought his birthday was Dec 6 and I was too lazy to edit things, so,,, yeah

I've never been a huge believer in birthdays. Living with the Todorokis, I always spent it training or locked in my room, screaming and crying and begging for freedom. With Ujiko, they went by without my notice. On the streets, I only did something once. Just found a small alleyway and lit my fingertip on fire, singing to myself in an attempt to try to lift my mood. Honestly, it just made me more depressed.

It's just a day used as a mark of age. Not even worth mentioning. In fact, something to keep secret to everyone but yourself.

So it's beyond a surprise when I swing open the door of my room to be greeted with a loud shout of "Happy birthday!" ringing in my ears. My fellow league members stand in front of me, a small, messily frosted cupcake balanced in Toga's hands and held out to me.

"Guys, what are you doing?" I ask awkwardly. "Also, what day is it?"

"January eighteenth," says Compress. "Did we get our date wrong or something? We had to guess between today, February sixth, and November twelfth. Sources were somewhat unhelpful."

Was it my birthday already? I thought it wasn't for another week at least. Even so, how did they know? I'd carefully avoided the topic.

"You see, once you told us that you were…" begins Kurogiri, cutting himself off once he hits the name we all know he means. "Well, I decided to look you up. Just for a few simple things. Birthday, any interests I could find...I'm sorry if it seems invasive, but I thought it could help us better understand how to help you feel appreciated."

At first I'm put off by it. People knowing things about me I didn't tell them bothers me deeply. But the more I consider it, the less I mind. They care. And it's harmless, isn't it? It won't kill me to play along just for the day.

Toga waves the cupcake in my face. "Well, you gonna take it, Bacon Bits?" she asks gleefully.

I accept it, hesitantly taking a bite. "Mmmm. What'd you put in this thing?" I ask, mouth full. It tastes awful, and I feel my nose wrinkle in distaste despite myself. Between food in general, sweet food in general, and whatever the salty-bitter aftertaste is, I almost gag.

"Oh, crap, is that the wrong one? I put blood in one...I think that might be it. Sorry. It's either chocolate or blood."

Spinner gives her a sideways glance and a whispered, "Whose---"

I spit out the dark batter. "Definitely blood, but uh...You know, I'm good. Not big on sweets anyway."

"Oh!" She takes it back. "More for me then."

Jin drags me out to the common area, mask lifted enough to display a wide grin. "We couldn't do much, but we figured it'd at least be better than before we all knew each other, yeah?"

"Yeah, sure," I say. "You guys didn't have to do anything, you know."

"Yes we did," Shigaraki insists. "You're my right hand, it's only right we should give you at least one day for just you."

"Now we know you're more the type of guy to keep to yourself," says Magne, "so just let us spoil you for the next half hour, then you get to do whatever you want, okay?"

I nod again, shaking my wrist loose from Twice's grip. "Alright, I can deal with that. What did you guys have planned?"

Suichi quickly ties his scarf around my eyes, careful of his claws and my staples. "Hang tight for one sec."

There's a quick shuffling, accompanied by my teammates' voices muttering happily to each other. A portal opens, and a few moments later I'm allowed to see again.

The seven idiots I for some reason chose to live with sit in a half-circle on the floor at my feet, each holding grocery bags with diversely-shaped contents, one of Toga's hair ribbons tied and stuck on top of each. Atsuhiro smiles, and passes me his.

"You guys…" I say quietly. I'm not worth all this effort, all this money, all this time. It'd be better spent planning missions or buying food or really anything else. It's stupid of them to care so much about something---someone---so worthless.

"Not a word," says Jin, as if he can hear my thoughts. "You're worth it. We saved up for this."

It's not anything like when I was a kid, eagerly tearing open neatly and colorfully wrapped boxes, unsurprised at the high cost of the contents. I'd never thought I was worth any of it deep down, but the ritual was still exciting even if I spent it alone on most occasions. But this is nicer. People around me that actually care. I try to make myself accept it.

Baby wipes from Compress, saying he worries about me showering on the days my scars hurt particularly badly. A book from Spinner, saying he'd read it and thought I'd enjoy it. Eyeliner from Kenji, saying she'd tested it for tear-proofness. A sweater from Kurogiri, saying he'd knitted it himself. Several nail polishes from Himiko, saying she wanted to give me the pastel pink as soon as humanly possible. A My Chemical Romance CD from Twice, saying he wanted to listen to it with me sometime.

When it comes to Tomura, he simply tosses an empty plastic bag onto my lap. "I didn't buy anything."

"Some boyfriend you are," I say teasingly. Really, I'm somewhat grateful. As much as I want to feel wanted, I can't help but see the yen racking up, another day without food for the league, the people I care about most suffering as silently as they're able to.

"Yeah, yeah, shut up. My gift to you is that I will leave you alone." He doesn't smile or anything to indicate that he's kidding. "Won't hug you, or try to hold your hand, or anything. You're free."

I push myself off the couch onto my knees, trying to ignore the tugging at my staples. "Tomura…" How do I say it? I don't want to sound like I care too much or anything. "I don't want you to leave me alone. Just...Just when I ask you to, okay?"

Does he think I don't want him? It's difficult to treat him like I do when touch can be so suffocating, so terrifying. Especially with someone like him, who has described laying inches away from me without trying to cling to me like drowning.

I take his hands in mine, careful to leave his fingers to twitch anxiously away from mine. "You deserve to get what you want too."

Tomura smiles up at me, eyes shining a little bit with the effort to remain emotionless at my rare display of affection. "Well, what am I supposed to get you then?"

"Seeing you smile's enough," I say quietly. I regret it instantly.

"Oh, get a room," laughs Magne.

I roll my eyes, and shove myself back up onto the couch. "Thanks, Kenji."

"Always happy to help."

"Well, that's all we have," says Kurogiri, smile showing in his voice. "Let us know if we can do anything for you, but the rest of the day is all yours."

"Enjoy your alone time," says Suichi, helping pull me to my feet. "You're probably not gonna get any more for a long time."

And for once, the thought of being alone terrifies me. If I go alone in that room, how is it any better than those years I spent before the burns, the black hair, the overwhelming hatred?

"Actually, I'd rather hang out here," I say as if it's no matter, as if the thought of closing a door behind me won't send me spiralling back to that ten year old version of myself, screaming and pounding on my walls as a mix of tears and snot pour down my face.

"Oh. Alright, cool." Jin holds out another cupcake to me. "You're positive you don't want this?"

I shake my head, smiling a little. "Thank you guys. For this."

Toga grins. "Anything for our favorite edgelord."

Tomura pushes himself to his feet, snatching the cupcake from Twice. He takes a toungeful of the grainy-looking frosting and smirks at me, passing the cake back covered in saliva. I take his hand, his pinkie sticking out cautiously. "Happy birthday, Dabi." And looking around at them, I finally understand the phrase's meaning.

Click for quality

This is what he's jamming to: https://youtu.be/aWQ_r9nNHt0

[miyiee]

“TOMINO”

“TOMINO”

Written By: Miyie 〴

(Disclaimer! Please do not read if you are someone who is easily disturbed, make sure you are over 13 to read this content may include violence, alcohol, abuse, and blood, Thank you!) This is not your typical horror genre, it truly describes real-life “horror.” I really wanted to bring out these situations, as there are many out there who suffer from these.) -Miyie 〴

It’s only imaginary, it’s something so forfeit, something you cannot deliberately see.

………...See, I once had this friend, it was only engraved in my mind, not necessarily sincere nor significant to me, someone that was so authentically cruel, but yet I followed…..

A bird caged-girl, as she started to plug her ears to block out the interphone chime, I am fighting with an enemy I couldn’t even see, even till the end I was leading myself to a truly unseemly thing. A leash clings on my neck, each step, each walk, each breath I took. I am always being watched by someone, something.

Who, you may ask? My imaginary friend. “And, it has been that way for years.”

“Free me, lift me from my guilt.” If it were only so simple.

1/2/1981

Ever since the day I was born into this world, I have always been those principles of innocence, my mother, my father always checked up on me to make sure I wasn’t doing anything bad and they would always find me quite strange for a child. You see, I was always talking to the wall, in the same position. “Look! Mommy, isn’t he nice?” Yes. Tomino loved me deeply, there was no doubt, but you see, this love was a strange one and cannot be explained. “Sure, whatever you say, Hika.” She leaned down and pet me on the head. Of course to her extent, mother would never believe such nonsense...I always thought Tomino was there, someone everyone else could also see…...

Not just me.

…...

2/18/1988

One day as my mother was going out to head for groceries, I stopped her, no Tomino stopped her, he

told me to.

“Please just don’t go today, I would like you to just stay with me.”

  The day after, it was reported, documented on the news of an incident that happened to be the same street my mother was just going to head to, xxx street of Zemark, a shooting happening between two drunk white men, about 12 people had either died that day, 9 injured within that store. These sorts of incidents would occur several times after then on any random day. “That excuse again?” Tomino this, Tomino that.” Mother would often say to me out of frustration. She couldn’t understand why her daughter was acting this certain way after all. 

Was I really that childish or…. Did I speak the truth?

But, you see, such kindness comes with a price. 

A promise that was forged. 

I spend the days with Tomino, we play together, talk together for hours, I drew and wrote on his requests, but one day, it seems he has gotten quite bored of my childish acts and lingers for a little more fun and excitement. He threw my painting on the floor in anger, “So what do you want me to do then?”I asked. I wished I didn’t have asked, maybe then I wouldn’t need to do whatever he said..…. It was a little dark outside for a spring season while taking multiple glances towards outside the window. He told me to “Go outside and stab this helpless squirrel with a kitchen knife, smear its blood around in a circle on this painting, and to finally make a box around it in the sand with a stick.” When I declined, he would get mad at me and would not talk to me for hours, doesn’t help me anymore, so I did it, I obeyed him like a dog.

Mother tried ever since, to cure me of this disease, this illness. She looked for any doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc. “Your child is perfectly healthy,” they said. Not even the best professionals figured it out. Tomino was always mischievous, mysterious, secretive, smart about where he moves each of his pawns. To him, this was no more than just a game.

My father abandoned me because of this, well partly. He cheated on her, secretly, but it was funny since father still had this small affection for mom, so instead, he told her a white lie. I knew all along because Tomino tells me about these things. 

I was only left with my mother. “Why me?” Why can’t I have a normal child?,” I would often hear mother mumble under her breath. My mother was no longer the kind mother I knew. It wasn’t a surprise she has become an alcoholic soon after.  

“What are you looking at? You pathetic little brat, this is all your fault!”, mother said.

“I REALLY HATE THE SMELL OF ALCOHOL.”, I screamed at her.

Miza peered in on us in the corner, she came to my house for the project.

I knew,.... She knew.

……….

Tomino would often come to comfort me when I cry, although sometimes he is upset himself and never comes, he said it wasn’t my fault. “It was Okaa-san’s fault for not understanding us enough.”

School was no different. 

“No wonder her parents abandoned her..”    

“What a spoiled child.”

“Ewww, stay away from me….”

“Manipulative bi**”

“This is all your fault!”

I have always given in the efforts to redeem myself, but they were all main just seen as an unless waste of time.

“I’m not your friend anymore! How could you do such a thing?”

Wait- KI! Wha-what about you Miza, are you going to leave me too?, I asked. Deliberately. 

She looked at me sadly but she said nothing “...........”, as she just walked alongside her other friend.

I was always the one left out. It wasn’t my fault, was it?

I had to transfer to many different schools after then. 

“Ugh, isn’t that disgusting woman her mother?”

“Why would you raise such a slut?”

It always ended terribly. 

Tears were wiped with sleeves. I weep.

So then...

9/16/1990

Mother became even more so tired of all this as each day passed by. She dressed up, packed up. Slammed the door on me.

Unknown: “Wait! What about-!”

She left me…...

 “I don’t need her anymore, I should’ve never given birth to you.”

“Don’t leave me, I promise I will do all my chores, I would never cause you any more trouble ever again, please mother!”, I layed on the floor, begging.

But, that was the last sentence mother said to me, the last she spoke to me, the last time I saw her.

“Ojii-san, Do you think it's my fault?”

Unknown: “It’s going to be okay, Hika, come with me.”

….

Years passed then, it was hard to believe. 

“Hika, breakfast is ready!” “Coming Okaa-  Ojii-san!”

“What a weird grandchild I have.”   “hahaha, Ojii-san that’s mean!”  “Come eat, child.”

“Itadakimasu!”   If you couldn’t tell already, living with my uncle was nice and comforting, for once.

“Okay, I’m off, see you Ojii-san!”

It was only us two that lived together now after dad had left us and mother had disappeared off to somewhere. Ojii-san was the only person I have now, although he is growing quite old as days pass by.

Thing was, we are tight on money. Ojii-san tries his best to reassure me and tells me to just focus on my studies but I know about our financial problems.

The only other major reason why we had food left on our plate was that “Tomino” still exists, he protects me, this was part of our agreement. I thought for sure Tomino would get bored of me soon when I grew older, but he stayed and waited for the promise we made till the very end. It seems like Tomino never really ages and he just stays the same size every day even after years. Things just stayed the same. 

Tomino grants my wishes. But, that’s it….

….

11/7/1994

I walked between pebbles, between bridges, and on bridges. Tomino follows me wherever I go. It's like he’s a stalker, but I'm used to it. "I'm fine today, Tomino, how are you? You know, I know you're there..." "Yes, whatever you say.", he replied. He raised strange doubts when I was a child, but I loved him. It was my friend after all. He was the only person who knew me well. Tomino seems to look old these days, but not so deeply.He still seems to have stayed the same even after years.

As my walk almost reached my destination, I was in the middle of walking passed the archway of the two buildings as a shortcut followed by my upperclassmen.

"Ah, isn't that Hika Normanashi?"

Please, keep in mind that……..Nobody really knows my surname. It was a secret because of family issues. Tomino also knows. And since then I haven't trusted enough people to tell them anything. It wasn’t particularly very nice to see someone expose my surname.

I felt a hand grabbed me by my wrist as they proceeded to push me against the wall as the dude kept mocking my body.

Girl 2: "Hey, knucklehead! This is it! I brought over her here."

Unknown: “This little one doesn’t seem to scream much so it’s fine boss.”

As they threw me onto the ground below them, Grabbing me and pushing my head against the wall.

"S-STOP IT! RELEASE ME!"

Girl 1: "Hey, so what are you going to do? Get your boyfriend to protect you or something?"

“……… ..!”

"Wait! Tomino, don't!"

Soon, the blood of two young girls spilled under me, on the concrete under my feet. I was soaked in blood. The young man looked at me in shock of fear as if I were the murderer.

"Y-YOU MONSTER!", he screamed.

I looked down at my bloody shaking hands. The knife Tomino has given me…...

The young man tried to resist me as much as possible, but Tomino also fled before him and overwhelmed over him. I knew exactly what Tomino wanted me to do. Through the man’s eyes, I could see what it felt like to die, the terror. "Sorry, but you’ll have to die for me, it'll be fast, I promise." I closed my eyes. I took a breath. I wondered how just how many more people do I need to kill? There was no point in arguing with Tomino. This is his identity. I’m sorry Ojii-san………. The next thing I saw when I opened my eyes were two stranded dead bodies tied onto the tracks, two trains which ran at full speed in seconds over them. The man's body was specially cutaway where the organs were visible, but Tomino did not kill him yet. It can be said that Tomino threw him most. I knew about this, the way this guy died was exactly the same as a few years ago. "........ First, a small lead ball creates a large, deep bruise and breaks on subsequent hits. Finally, the skin on the back hangs on a long ribbon and the entire area If the prisoner determines that the prisoner is dying, an unrecognizable chunk, the strike will be stopped. "

I know I'm a murderer ... my feet move suddenly. But in the wrong direction. I could not stop sitting on my lap on the lawn and staring at the dead man.

His face stared at me and wanted to return, in hopes of revenge, I knew deeply.

But, Tomino doesn’t. 

No matter how many following attempts there were, Tomino always got away with it, dragging me along. When the news of these three students was blankly announced, the whole classroom began to place the blame on me. No one dared to approach me after that. I was invisible. It was an inevitable fate.

I couldn’t bring myself to believe my fate.

I couldn’t bring myself to believe Tomino was so cruel. 

I couldn’t bring myself to bear this anymore. I only have hidden the truth. I knew what he meant, by those silent words.

I planned my defeat. If order to win, 

You must lose. 

To bring illusion to reality, how do you do that exactly?

How can you eliminate something you loved so much in the world?

Without a doubt, I am always attached to Tomino, I believed there was always loyalty that has existed between us.   

Tomino made me feel emotions, of all kinds. 

The emotion of being valued, the emotion of being appreciated, and emotions of hatred. 

It was only that I could never tell what his objective was, nor who he was anymore. I cannot recognize him. I cannot be an attachment. I cannot be the one to ‘change’ him. We are like the strings of, the lines, the blinds between the lies. I cannot be there for him, I must stay away father always told me. 

“One day, he would ruin you. Do not be fooled easily, do not be influenced by terrible people easily. Keep that in mind, Hika. ”

…..

Friend, a person whom one knows, likes, or trusts. 

Was there ever trust that has enveloped in this relationship. 

“Let’s stay togeth-er forever, Tomino.”

smiles*

Hey…..., that warm smile you gave me just there…..

Was that a lie…. Or was that the truth? 

Was it a sad one or was that a happy one?

Call me an idiot, although I always have the ability to read people’s expressions…..

 I could never tell Tomino’s. 

I have never thought this day would come. 

I have always thought, it was the truth. 

How could he speak so falsely?

What did you mean exactly? 

….

12/24/1995

“I’ve grown tired of you, Tomino.” , I’ve had enough.

“Kill me, how are you going to kill me?” Tomino mocked me.

” I’m sorry, Tomino.” 

And within that, the only thing that can convince us of their love for each other is the truth. 

“I cannot ever get rid of you until I die, right? I wish you the best in the afterlife ...really.”

5/22/1985

I remembered the day we met, 

The garden was so beautiful, the pond filled with koi fish were so lovely, the flowers were all so pretty, the bridge above it was so clean, but it was all so lonely. I sat there walking and running around playing by myself until I grew tired. Where you came into existence ever since. Then, we would always be together. Where he was always quiet and kept to himself, but I didn’t mind.

 “Ne-ne! Tomoi-no!.....”  “Hi-ka!”(learned each other’s names) I wrote down both of our names and embraced it with a heart, the poor boy seemed so flustered for some reason. 

“Promise me that you would always stay by my side, never leave me, alright?” He seemed hesitant at first but then offered me his pinky.

 But that wasn’t the promise, Tomino hid the truth, he wanted much more. He just wanted to take my white soul.

Thank you for your company. Your kindness, no one can pretend. The flowers were never too strong to sustain itself, and the petals would eventually overtime fade out. The grass are cut away little by little by the humans because they hate how it was. The trees are brought down by the people in order to feed them. But, these were all often done without anything in return. I didn’t want to leave because I have faith in Tomino, but that would be selfish to say that, that was the only reason why I have lived. I wished I hadn’t agreed upon our promise.  I don’t want to stay, because it would mean I would still have to call Tomino a friend.

“I have more than once tried to deceive you, but you will feel that I am now speaking falsely,” Tomino said. 

 Tomino could never touch me because he isn’t real and because he cannot touch me, he cannot stop me. I wanted to cry, but nothing came out. 

 12/24/1995

I feel the breath of life taken away from me by the multitude. 

It was getting harder and harder to breathe as each second progresses. I have always tried to kill myself before. Standing at the edge….. I was a coward I could never face death. 

“Why? All you have to do is just to “jump”? It’ll all be over, right?”

  But, one day I found myself hung.. “I’m sorry.”

And then, everything just blacked out. The man in black disappeared, everything disappeared. There was no “Tomino”. There was just a little boy, all alone forced to carry out his duty.

“Goodbye ..old friend” 

“goodbye,'' he once said.

I could almost hear him saying in response...

12/25/1994

A woman in a black dress came to settle down a few white flowers as she prayed her hands together, she spoke only three words…..,

“I love you.”

….

And soon,

 a few more and more,

 flowers were placed.  

“Happy birthday, Hika.” , Tomino smiled.

“Here’s your present!”, as the young boy cheerfully places down a small box with a little teddy bear sitting on top. 

=//[For anyone confused]// “TOMINO” is her teddy bear, a stuffed animal^^

Well? Where’d do you think Hika has gotten her present from[Teddy Bear]?  

[1-800-444-tune]

New Moon is going to be according to my status calculations on my app on my Windows tablet , at 3: 41am on the 6th of March, coming up, in zodiac sidereal for the New Moon is Aquarius. Predictions and more details to be posted later this week as I gather evidence and write my article.

Anybody looking to make a donation today!? To a good cause: getting a new astrology program software that I can run and get your natal charts faster and easier than anywhere on the Web, and far more accurate and without the privacy invasion? Well then , help me to buy this new galaxy gear I need to do astraunomer like working with the Stars and Moon's in your Sun🔔Signs Charting Birth Chart Analysis included, I will decipher the information for you, your going to love it if we can just make it to the mark of being able to afford it!! $$$ come on guys I know that cafe astrology. Com steals your birth information and uses it right? So does any other site no matter how legit they seem, if your serious about astrology and do not want a hex or curse put on you or a super privacy invasion issue, then DONATE PLEASE TO MY COMPANY I CREATED A BUSINESS PROFILE PORTFOLIO FOR MY ONLINE ASTRO+TAROT-GUIDANCE IT'S THE BEST BEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED, YOU ARE TOTALLY MISSING OUT IF YOU DO NOT FOLLOW ME AND GET READINGS OR REPORTS OF ASTROLOGY as nd numerology daily , weekly, even, monthly, because I have a wealth of great accurate source divine informative details you need to know NOW about your life! You just might be headed in the wrong direction astrologically or maybe your barcodes of your life aren't adding up and we need to subtract? That's numerology! And also my tarot reliable Readings are something you just should not be missing out on ,

I have totally stopped posting the free daily and weekly horoscopes did you notice?

That's because I do not feel like I should be giving out my great divine guidance fir free anymore, I'm feeling used and over worked, also

I only post the daily card of the day for tarot then a few other specials daily, and weekly but everything else I am currently putting on hold until I can at least afford some damn toilet paper. Because I just am not dealing with helping out a bunch of people with their super important questions for free when I do not get help myself for the things I truly need, don't you think my not having fucking toilet paper is a little bit more of an emergency than whether your boyfriend or non boyfriend likes you and you're truly actually meant to be with them, I have to apologize in advance if I seem like I'm being selfish, or rude. Please, I intend to not do any harm by bringing up this fact. Only voicing that I too, have maybe, maybe just maybe, bigger problems than your issues that I think are pure selfish things st this moment in time I'm real sorry that I do feel this way, maybe being broke has made me bitter a tad ... I don't know, cause I used to always go out of my way to assist anybody even if I did not know them, and I'd concentrate on their problems more than mine always focusing on helping others instead of helping myself, now I am purely from the heart, just reaching out for just some compassionate, you do not have to donate much just 3$ or more would get me through the day, 10$ could get me the toilet paper plus my dignity. Today. So if you feel like helping a lost soul out here in the Galaxy.

My paypal account for the company business I just trying to start up now is at this address: www.paypal.com/4tunef8

Hey everyone I just want to say I care deeply about each and every tumblr blogger on here, and I sincerely hope the best for you always, and right now I am doing little candle prayer magik to send you all some healing and luck , and if you do decide to donate, just simply write to my ask box your about you donated and I will be doing a super special ritual tonight (for another reason, personal worship) but I will include your name personally into my piece , and you will truly I swear notice something great happen to you by the time of the New Moon, on the 6th like I wrote at the top of this post

I really actually did not intend for this post to get so long or go on about my personal issue, also I'd like to remind you not to judge a book by its cover, I have huge medical bills and current legal fees that I am trying so very hard to keep up with, this is a really really hard time for me, personally I am not even wanting the morning to come when I go to bed at night. I feel borderline suicidal, if that isn't hard times, I don't know what is... and I'm not even looking for sympathy, or anyone to feel anything towards me except knowing my strength of how far I've come and acknowledgement for this strength that I, an unpredictably unstable mentally ill woman of faith, have come so far from where I used to be and made it through my spiritual awakening which I thought was truly the end of the world it was doomsday dread style scary shit ! But I made it out alive! And now I am a much more magical person because I'm so blessed with my true path of destiney realised again this issue feelings of wehen I was a young teenager, it's like I get to start fresh as new beginning, I actually got a real second chance at life, because if you knew me really knew me, you'd know, that, I had strayed off the great path and was walking along a fine line where I was in constant danger daily. Hourly. I was always in harms way, just on the darkest side of life, depressed and not living for myself at all. I was not trusting my intuition, I was being abused and bullied all the time. And that constant abuse tore holes through my personality and literally metaphorically emotionally ripped me right apart inside and out. I was such a mess I hit rock bottom anxiety struck me harsh but it was good for me in the end because at rock bottom, you have no other choice but to rise up from where you currently are, it's such a true realization, but the main thing is I had gotten better from the abuse, and left finally the abusive relationship and all the other abusive people in my life because as I was going up n up no choice but up, I was gradually actually slipping into my divine timed spiritual awakening which shook my world.

My journey to progression and eventually getting back onto my rightful birth path, my destiny too, this all started my spiritual awakening and shifts in consciousness, I was truly blessed to be cursed at this time. It all started when I went to the homeless shelter in april 2018, just before my birthday it's like surreal how it was all so planned out like this, it's crazy, if you guys only knew the whole entire story of what I have gone through and the truly horrific events that I now realised were all tests, and lessons, and that's my favorite way to look at my very abusive past and the unfortunate circumstances that wound me up a homeless addict on the streets of cities I dwelled in for times that seemed so rough and brutal I thought the pain would never end. Addiction can happen to anybody. But this is something that I actually feel in my soul that I was supposed to, meant to, go through. To realize some things, I had to experience this hard lifestyle. For me to eventually get to a place of gratitude and humility and to actually drop all my selfish ways and have more compassion, and learn that I am meant to have these traits because I am a great healer. In my community I live in currently, a lot of them know my past but do not judge me one bit, they all truly appreciate my free community services that I provide for those in need, they are all suffering from mental health issues and I am treating them (not so much their mental condition but other problems they have at home or with their body) . I am really good at working with herbs, spices, and essential oils. I make and invent cures to almost anything! And I have a biig book of herbal remedies that I, myself , have invented or have found online and then tweaked the recipe to bed much better!! This is volume. 001.2 of my Book Of Shadows. I have written so very many books about magik and the laws of the universe. I cherish my sacred personal theories and extensive wealth of knowledge I have collected. I'm just good at organizing this shit for some reason. If I wasn't so private of a person and afraid of people stealing my information without my consent then I would gladly post more of this type of stuff then I already have,in this blog and my other one which is personally a better one.

Anyways, now you know where I stand, where I come from a little bit.

I really really hope that somebody will take the time to donate to me this day so that I may be I can feel better and like somebody actually cares. I have over spent to the max on credit cards with online shopping, and shipping all kinda of witchy trinkets and necessities, the basics, I am stuck with a huge credit card bill, and I have my boyfriends credit card that I did not know until yesterday, but, he put everything to be on me. He totally used my Health Card and SIN # TO GET WHATEVER HE WANTED BUYING SHUT ONLINE AND SHIPPING TECH STUFF TO HIS FRIEND! I feel like I got scammed and I'm damned or something !! Not only am going to be suffering from PTSD and anxiety around men forever, because of this selfish Identity use basically total FRAUD, I AM NOW stuck in a bad position and with a bill and now the worst part is that I am actually facing federal prison because of some of the activity he did while assuming my identity ?.. thanks ?

I feel very very stupid, I feel like a total idiot for listening to my ex-commonlaw boyfriend, I'm glad I just decided to give him literally all of the furniture and all the shit we owned. It makes me feel less guilty about all the negative emotions I have towards him. I know it does not make it right but it does help believe it or not, because J eventually end up thinking about it as a positive .

If you have at least got this far through this rambling write up post , then congratulations, sincerely- thankyou for listening !

You are amazing

You have a purpose

Find your destiny

☆you're made of star stuff, you're a star!

You are perfectly imperfect

Your magic is valid

No matter who you are or how experienced you are in Pagan Tradition /Wicca and Witchcraft/The Occult or any related subjects and interests in lifestyle choices, your magic is valid! It doesn't matter if you JUST decided to become a witch TODAY or 5 minutes ago, that title is yours to hold onto and have forever or for as long as you decide!

Everybody is special!

Everyone is worth it!

Nobody deserves to be bullied or told they are wrong for what they believe in, simply , everyone's path is unique and it's just not four to critic anybody for the path they are choosing! There's a lot of confused witchlings baby witches and some bullying religious type overgrown babies out there. I think everyone should just have a little more like a lot more respect , because it can be intimidating to anybody who wants to share their opinions that they might feel are good ideas but are second guessing the post they want to make based on fear around the way some communities are reacting and trying to police these people's opinions. As far as I know this blog site was actually created to actually share your opinions without judgement and harsh exchange of words based on the content context. I can relate to this oppression. I feel as if not only does it sometimes the fear of rejection stop me from posting but also I have a big fear of being hated on for a lengthy and slightly random post I write it then I delete it right away. It's just that I actually have severe symptoms of A.D.D that my doctor is not currently helping me to treat, so I can get a bit off track sometimes, and my subjects vary like for example in my main post it starts as a simple astro galactic observations post, my starting of this post I just realize was about the New Moon . Then I started talking about my software that I cannot afford and then i went on to talk about my emergency thats actually bothering me even more , the fact that i cannot wipe my ass today and i do not live near any restursnts or anywhrr literally that has toilet paper availible in their washroom or else id just go to McDonalds and use theur washroom, simple as that...but not availible sorry, and now that im still rambling ans have your attention i have an offer actually for some people that do donate, I'd like people to donate towards so that I can provide a few lucky people with

Free Natal Astral Chart plus some informative explanations about your planetary alignments with accurate predictions to your life. I could eventually provide a much more accurate source of information in my reports than I do with this program I'm running off my laptop as of right now, but currently if you'd like a real actual Astrologer like produced Natal Chart , I am calling everyone to donate to this account here www.paypal.com/4tunef8 and let me know in my ask box that you have donated to my space cosmos exploration programming software .

This is getting way too long I know, but if you really did actually read some of this message at least the good parts, then please share my link to my paypal in your blog with a short excerpt on why they should donate to me , my cause, my business (just started) , and also donate to the astraunomer cosmos Explorer Division Technology that I am so very excited about but I know I have way bigger problem,than, that, but I just wanted to give you guys an idea if what I can do for you. We can make a trade? Please!? To dedicate my time and efforts to assisting every one with their issues gives me great joy, I just love to be useful, and a helping healing hand to any literally anybody , and so ooo much of my days are spent spending my hard earned money on others . To make them that herbal remedy for their skin they truly need because every skincare product on the market is littered with toxic shit that causes bad reactions and the treatments for acne I make that I've invented do not infect or irritate the skin, so they need me, and they cannot afford this 290$ treatment but I actually spend MY money each month just to get the satisfaction of doing the right thing as nd also satisfaction that my products produce results that are beyond what I ever expected of them, sometimes I need a confidence booster and this once a month or twice sometimes, spending I do to make and create this great acne treatment that's herbal and more of a holistic approach.

My greatest flaw right now is not my addiction or the abuse I'm going through anymore, I don't live on the streets (yet) have a pretty decent apartment but my greatest flaw is helping people if that can even be a flaw? It is though, I have so many many more examples of times during the month that I am called up "hey witch doctor, we got a problem, are you free?"

I am on paranormal investigating teams in surrounding communities as well, this takes out so much energy, time, and yes, you guessed it, money !!

Anyways again I am actually going to close this rant ramble weird thoughts flowing from my mentally ill mind.

I truly truly hope that somebody, just 1 person even, does decide to care enough about me , a poor lost soul, to donate some about, it's all up to you, I'm not putting any rules and I just am not one to tell people what to do or how to spend their hard earned dollars or anything like I do not push ideas onto people, I'm just not like that, I totally believe in freedom for all, I don't wish for world peace at night because I know that that isn't possible, there's some cultures that just do not mix and a lot of cultures prefer to stick to their own and that's great because how else would the culture survive and the traditions live on to the next generations if they were mixed with a bunch of other cultures and lost their true identities as a nation , that would be sort of sad in a way, but I'm really not properly medicated and should not even maybe be observational posting about this when in not well in the mind fully yet this day. But a donation will help me to wipe my ass and that's my main goal.

Kk,baiii, don't hate, just donate #freefaeona #donation #astrology #worldwide #tarotreading

Ps: Actually ANYBODY that donates me more than 10$ today and the rest of the week too, I have an offer, I will do a FREE TAROT READING OF 3 FREE QUESTIONS FOR YOU, BECAUSE I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH!!

And anybody that shares my link to my paypal explaining that I'm giving free tarot Readings to anyone that's gunna donate! I will give you a YEARS HOROSCOPE OUTLOOK, BASED ON MY VERY ACCURATE SOURCES OF GENERATED HOROSCOPES I RECIEVE THEY'RE THE SAME ONES I USED TO POST ON HERE SO YOU KNOW THEY'RE GUNNA BE GOOD, THEN

Anybody that donates and says it's towards my astro-cosmos software, I'll do up a FREE ABSOLUTELY, JUST THE COST OF YOUR DONATION, I'LL DO YOUR NATAL BIRTH CHART FOR YOU, WITH THE SEMIPRO PROGRAM I HAVE RIGHT NOW,

So there's my offers and anybody that blogs about these offers and tags me in them, is just an amazing person and gets the luckiest prize of all, they get entered into a draw to win a free natal chart birth chart wow yeah and and and I'm gunna give an astrology reading to you very reliable accurate information details you will WANT TO KNOW!!