#AND “WALTER” IS GERMAN HOLY SHIT

[i-drew-artz]

Isnt it funny how other countries have badass awesome names like "Kenji", "Wolfgang", "Mikhail", and "Joaquin".

Then the english have names like fuckin bob, charlie, moe, and harry.

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

Hellsing Rewatch: Episode Two Thoughts

(Picking this up a full year later)

Why is Van Helsing German 😭 In the novel he also throws in random German phrases. Sir you are Dutch??

Forever a funny choice to give Alucard a black coat in the flashback and Van Helsing the red coat. Alucard wants to be him so bad

Love that Van Helsing looks like an amalgamation of Integra (eye color), Arthur (the hair), and Anderson (the general shape of the lower half of his face

We went off topic for a bit thinking about a btvs and Hellsing crossover, and how much Integra and Buffy would dislike each other. Also my one and only Hellsing face cast opinion is that Seras would look like a young Sarah Michelle Gellar so that would be funny. Also the entire Zorin fight would be so so devastating to see her act out.

Joshua!!!!

The way the front of the Hellsing estate looks so dry and withered. I like to think that’s Alucard’s impact.

Jan is so annoying jesus

Is… is the mist in the Hellsing hallway always there?

How exactly does Integra guess that they have a security leak? Anyway rip rip her going from “We have a security leak” to talking to Walter in the same breath

Or like the spears in the painting, is that just a trap they always have set up? How many soldiers and like random staff have these people accidentally killed because the manor is so full of dumb traps

There are SO MANY paintings in the hallways. Integra will not furnish her home but by god she will decorate the walls.

Jesus even in the conference room. I wonder how much tax evasion is happening with those paintings

“I don’t know who armed and trained these creatures” SURE YOU DON’T WALTER

Luke choosing to dramatically break down the door instead of just… opening it?

Rip Alucard just sitting in the dark like a fucking weirdo.

The way he has NOTHING in his gloomy ass basement room. Just a single chair and a tiny side table. He truly gets no enrichment in his enclosure. No wonder he’s so unwell

WALTER CUM DORNEZ

Walter is basically just evil Giles, yes?

I forgot how horny this show is for guns holy shit

The falling wine glass is a very fun visual to highlight how quickly they draw and shoot their respective weapons

LOLLL Alucard laughing and the Luke starting up a couple seconds later because he doesn’t want to be left out

::shuddering:: Jan’s arm comes off so easily

Still really pissed that they took out the “Welcome to Hellsing”

Alucard’s so gross 💖💖💖 all the centipedes and the eyes and the baby screaming sound effects!!!

It’s also genuinely such a fun choice to have his head and hands fall away like that, it really gives the impression that they’re like just for show.

He’s so excited to be fighting with someone, and then like so genuinely mad and disappointed when Luke isn’t up to par lmao

The way he keeps calling Luke a punk in the subtitle translation 😭😭

Love that he apparently knows that the rest of the gang are struggling against Jan upstairs but he still chooses to do nothing

The cooldown hug 💖💖💖

I like to think that Walter is so defensive of Islands blaming Integra for everyone in the manor dying (lmao) because it was his fault. He’s like hey she couldn’t have foreseen this!

I do think it’s still absolutely ludicrous that no one survived sjdjdhdfs

The way Integra’s never fucking heard of Star Wars. God I wish that were me

[finelythreadedsky]

trying to read an untranslated walter burkert article and holy shit they were not kidding about german academic prose

[thelittlemars]

Not stonks for Thorkelin

The Germanic Philology Diary, vol. 1

I decided that I would create a little format on this blog. Turns out that I know a shit ton of curiosities and fun facts about history and literature, in particular regarding Germanic Philology — the field that studies Germanic Medieval texts.

Today, while researching for my thesis, I discovered a little story that I thought some of you might like. It's about the first ever Latin translation of Beowulf, aka the Bible of philologists. It's a thrilling, funny but tragic story that involves an Icelandic scholar, bombings and fires.

So, my thesis is on Sir Walter Scott and Old Norse mythology (simplified). While reading some of his letters, I encountered one that he sent to a friend on August 9th, 1810.

These [volumes Scott bought] with some others & with what I had before make me strong in Northern antiquities which the Bombardment of Copenhagen in which Thorkelin's library perishd has renderd scarce.

Apart from the fact that Scott is totally bragging in this passage, my first thought when reading this was "Hold on, Walter...what do you mean with Bombardment of Copenhagen??"

Of course, being the little rat that I am, I had to find out more. Turns out that the British bombarded Copenhagen in 1807, during the Napoleonic Wars. Most of the city was destroyed in the fires that followed.

Grímur Jónsson Thorkelin, an Icelandic scholar, lived in Copenhagen. At this point, he had spent 20 years working on the first ever translation in Latin (and German) of the Old English poem Beowulf. He even lived in England for years in order to study the original manuscript, after the only copy existing of the poem was damaged in a fire a few years before. He was a living legend for scholars of the time.

In his personal library, which contained many Old Norse texts, including sagas, copies of the Eddas and scaldic poetry, he kept the final transcript and editorial notes of the translation. As he himself put it in the 1815's edition of the translation, he just had time to save the first drafts of the translation before his house collapsed in the fire.

Now imagine this. It's 1807, the books you so avidly collected in your library are extremely rare and difficult to find. You probably travelled a lot to find them, and spent a fortune to buy them. Moreover, the work of your life, the work that is literally paying your rent because it was commissioned by the Government is forever lost in the fire that followed a fucking bombardment. Not stonks for you, my friend. However, this idiot had the courage to look at his manuscript translations and thought "Mh, okay. Imma just do it again".

And he fucking did.

Yes, his translation is nowadays considered shit. Most of the translations of the time of literally anything are considered shit. They were trying to translate everything into Latin, and then used the Latin translation to do other translations, instead of consulting the original. So yeah, it was shit. But he still put the effort in that translation. And he was the first to do it.

So yeah, not stonks for Thorkelin. But still. Kudos for Thorkelin, I guess?

And, for the love of everything holy, please Walter...stop bragging.

[theoutcastrogue]

I just binged the entirety of Better Call Saul and it was EXCELLENT.

-- Kim Wexler is now one of my favourite characters of all time. The sheer complexity, it’s got it all, shocking selfishness and boundless selflessness, passion for justice and thrill of the heist, hard work and out for a good time, rules-bound AND rules-averse, a Scoundrel and a Paladin at the same time, “the human heart in conflict with itself” in human form. I love her.

-- To quote Fleabag, this is a love story. My kind of love story.

-- I can’t imagine a bigger roast than Walter White, of all people, telling you “so you've always been like this”. And that's the whole premise of the series, isn’t it? Saul Goodman in Breaking Bad was a comically shallow character, and Better Call Saul comes to give us a backstory and basically explain how he ended up so shallow. Because nobody’s made that way, right? And then Walter White, of all people, drops this line, and ooof.

-- It’s not entirely true though. Jimmy used to be something more than a completely shallow person (who happened to truly love his brother, and Kim; there’s no contradiction there, shallow doesn’t mean emotionless). He really wanted to accomplish things beyond just making a buck and having a blast, until Chuck broke him. That’s how I interpret it, at least. The outburst “you’re not a real lawyer!” was a big hit, but at that point Jimmy was still, well, Jimmy. Once Chuck fully withdrew his love and support, Jimmy simply fell. He went to war with his own brother, and lost himself along the way. “Saul” was a mask, an alias, and a coping mechanism, but it was also a nom de guerre.

-- I loved the Time Machine thought experiment. So this is what explains Saul’s shallowness: Jimmy is so bad at self-reflection that he doesn’t have regrets. Let’s rephrase that: Jimmy’s so good at bullshitting himself that he doesn’t have regrets. Let’s give it another go: Jimmy can’t change the past so what’s the point of regrets, he might as well go full Saul. And in hindsight after the bittersweet finale: Jimmy can’t change the past but he CAN change the future. And in the end, when all’s said and done, isn’t that more useful than regrets?

-- The hairshirt (excellent simile, Jimmy) that Kim made to punish herself and keep others safe, that normal, boring, decisionless, domestic life, was truly HORRIFIC. I was like “no no no no no no!!!” the whole episode, holy shit. Worse than prison, worse than death, aaaah. *shivers*

-- Mike’s backstory was superb, and his descent as Gustavo's man was... bumpy. It went from “I'll work for this criminal boss, he kills people, but under conditions” to “the criminal boss I work for kills people that get in his way, like everyone else”. And Mike, who had just said “hey, my son’s dead, I’ve provided for my granddaughter, I don’t care if I live or die any more” just does the thing. You know the thing: I’ll go along with those deeply immoral actions, but I’ll pout the whole time! (Many such cases.) And you just can’t help but pout with him. Terrific character.

-- Nacho’s whole deal was just perfect.

-- Nitpick time! Lalo’s antiques kinda broke my suspension of disbelief. He single-handedly defeated a bunch of professional killers who caught him unprepared, okay. He successfully faked his death, fine. Then he went solo to find proof that Fring was behind it, with no backup, and no apparent source of information, money, or papers. Hmmm. And then he goes to Germany? And successfully tracks down the engineer’s crew, and retrieves all the info? Without speaking German? What else did he do, open a Walmart branch while he was at it? Come on.

On the whole: great show, fantastic acting from the entire cast, brilliant finale, and a wonderful example of Rogues in Fiction. Recommended!

[chapter-master-darius]

Holy shit y’all I’m excited.

My grandpas are both WW2 Vets.

My Grandpa Walter is a German immigrant who went to the UK to fight the Nazis. (he was socialist)

My Grandpa Gregory enlisted in the military and was apart of the 101st airborne.

Now I told y’all about my dad parading in his dress uniform for a protest, right?

Well he wrangled my Grandads into it too! My grandads got their old uniforms and their medals and they walked with my dad during the BLM protest in my city. And tomorrow? Tomorrow I’m going to join them. In MY old dress uniform. I may not be a war hero like they were, but I’ve still got some medals and ribbons.

Hell my Grandpa Gregory started singing ‘Gory Gory’!

My Grandpa Walter was just saying he knew Gestapo with better tempers.

[vertigoambrosia]

so i basically bought a chromecast just because the vimeo rocku app refuses to keep wxw videos in sync

wxw kinda lied about their site having native chromecast but fine

literally downloaded chrome again just to stream this

ok i think i just have to accept i don’t get bobby as a face

so we’ve got bobby, vinny, two shitty bois, and wholesome hamburger boy

it is a pun because he is very beefy

this is a pretty labored setup for this match

andy how can you talk about people needing to mature when you’re on the side of jay fk

is the mic constantly blowing or is the chromecast sound quality garbage?

nice flexing veit

avalanche please fuck jurn up

guys you have to help me talk to all these nice german boys i am very shy

esp ilja cause i won’t have a chance in new york

also pete bouncer is intimidatingly hot i can’t deal witht that by myself

i wish this were no dq instead of just no countout but i guess with carat coming up having a match with weapons might be a little much

sometimes big guy vs big guy matches don’t really hold my attention that well

just gets a lil slow - let’s punch each other on the outside

slowly

take a walk around the ring

also brawls that go around suck in person cause unless they’re right where you are, you have no idea what’s going on

lmaooooo did they just close the door on us

really?

...they;’re not even gonna cut to a recorded parking lot brawl?

ok

haha kelly is like ‘i kinda don;t think i should apologize at all but i’ll try anyway’

also: wearing a minoru suzuki shirt!

oh DAMN ‘you beat melanie gray? who HASN’T done that?’

oh julian...the hair

walter already annoyed he has to fight a child

this show is so weird; the matches feel so random

except for jurn/avalanche, but then that didn’t have an ending!

i’m guessing they fight in first round of carat but like...why book it here?

they’ve been hyping up ilja/tim on twitter so that shoul dbe fun...but also i guess they probablhy won’y be in the same sides of the bracket in carat?

oh that lil pele kick on the ropes was cute

oh my god these submissions walker is gonna break this child

walter trying to rip the shitty blond off of julian

i’m not gonna lie, i’m just being sort of sour right now with ringkampf obviously being phased out and ilja going to wwe and getting pulled of the new york show. also i feel like we’re really beginning to see the effects of cancelling shotgun on the storytelling, and tbh the writing./booking in general has been kind of off. i’m tired of things i really love and invest myself in  changing for...not exactle the better.

also i have a headache

anyway car boy put in a good effort before getting killed

yeah david ilu but that was kind of a dick move

hahaha david lecturing someone else about taking things personally

FINALLY, my rise bois

AWW look how proud lucky is of himself

them fumbling with the mic is so funny

who dis

oh it’s that leon guy

i feel like they’re assuming we are way more familar with him than we actually are

like, he wrestled a few matches like, a year ago or something; i’m not gonna recognize him

it’s weird too because wxw used to always have lower thirds for everyone

hey chromecast can you stop freezing for a sec

timo theiss is fun to heckle but his ~jetsetter~ character doesn’t really come across

though to be fair he just kinda shows up every once in a while

i don’t really have anything to say about this match

um

ok?

this sure is a choice

hahaha rainer ringer throwing his hands up in exasperation as they go backstage again

i mean i guess if they were gonna do a distraction spot, that’s a new one

wow just got a real good look at norman harris’ balls there

odd finish but good for u norman

timo promo package?????

awwwww tim

tim breaking my heart

holy SHIT that was one hell of a video package

this is a title match?

i bet this would have been better developed if we still had shotgun

(i’d like to say i’m done being sour for the rest of this post but unfortunatley i can’t shak eit right now)

jeremy graves putting his all into giving this match a story tho

oh! that was quite a flippy from leon

one of those ones where you barely understand what happened there

is marius from bielfeld? a surprising amount of people are behind him

why don;t they book leon von gasteren more often

hey fyi casting from your computer drains your battery ridiculously fast

awwww man if leon had won the title off of barely a pin that would have been crazy

honestly it’d be interesting to see marius lose it here; would be a surprise

oh chromecast thanks for freezing during the pin that was nice

oops being sour again

that was a silly but great plot segment

this match is very questionable but them barging in during the intermission is kinda funny

it would have been funnier if they had barged into the merch area though

or the locker room

everyone else is just fucking around and all of a sudden

LMAOOOOOOOO JURN

i mean i don’t really get why they didn’t just do that the first time they went out but whatever

ok see i wish we had known he was buddies with julian too

whatever marius

tim :3

omg wait what if tim starts selling his own merch like everyone else

this match is real good but my head hurts and i’m cranky

oh snap timo catching the enzigiuri

boys just taking a moment to sit

oh snap that was a nice counter to the butterfly

my psychiatrist upped my medication so i hope i can feel less sour and enjoy stuff more by the time i leave for carat

breaking news david starr is a really good promo

the bubtitles are weirdly lagging a lil

walter pretending like ringkampf is still a thing

ngl i do not feel like watching this main event but there might be plot afterwards

i wish they’d stop cutting to the wxw now logo before the entrances; it’s really annoying

hahaha jay just bouncing off veit

jeremy we fucking watched the opening promo you don’t need to recap it for us

i want jay fk to dig up one of bobby’s old pictures from when he was robert schilds and had that horrible haircut

vinny i can see your underwear and read the brand

ugh this everybody suplex spot is so stupid

veit miller is...not the diving type

also i shouldn’t have to say how i feel about the everybody dive spot

european clutch!

i am very ready for andy to not be champion and whine about it

LOL SOMEONE BROUGHT A SCHURLE JERSEY

or whatever soccer shirts are called

jurn realy

lmaoo cornered in the kitchen

....

just assume i said something sour here

oh we fucking finally getting the first round matches

rey fenix vs rey horus seems like a bit of a waste? like i assume they’ve fought in mexico so

oh snap ilja vs sekimoto is cool tho

[mmeaninglessnamee]

Every movie I have seen (as of August 2018)

Here’s every movie I have ever seen, at least the ones I’ve remembered, I know I’m missing some.

Moneyball

Harold Lloyd – Safety last

Marx Brothers:  A night at the Opera

Marx Brothers:  A day at the races

Marx Brothers:  a day at the circus

October Sky

Monty Python’s Holy Grail

Monty Python’s Meaning of Life

Monty Python’s Life of Brian

The Fugitive

Field of dreams

Major league

2001 a space odyssey

Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory

Galaxy Quest

Star Trek The Motion Picture

Star Trek the Wrath of Khan

Star Trek the Search for Spock

Star Trek the Voyage Home

Star Trek the Final Frontier

Star Trek The Final Frontier

Star Trek Generations

Star Trek First Contact

Star Trek Insurrection

Star Trek Nemesis

Star Trek (Reboot)

Star Trek Into Darkness

Star Trek Beyond

Spaceballs

Blazing Saddles

Young Frankenstein

The Treasure of the Sierra Madre

Invictus

Shrek

The great escape

Big

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Home Alone

Where eagles dare

Rocky

Happy Gilmore

E.T.

War of the worlds (2005)

The Avengers

Captain America

Ed Wood

Plan 9 from Outer Space

The Sidehackers [MST3K]

Manos: the Hands of Fate [MST3K]

Juno

Indiana Jones Raiders of the Lost Arc

Indiana Jones The Temple of Doom

Indiana Jones Last Crusade

Indiana Jones The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation (1989)

The Hobbit (animated)

The Lord of the rings pt . 1 (animated)

The Lord of the rings pt . 2 (animated)

The Hobbit 1

The Hobbit 2

The Hobbit 3

TLOTR Fellowship

TLOTR Two Towers

TLOTR ROTK

Star Wars IV

Star Wars V

Star Wars VI

Star Wars I

Star Wars II

Star Wars III

Star Wars VII

Star Wars VIII

Harry Potter 1

Harry Potter 2

Harry Potter 3

Harry Potter 4

Harry Potter 5

Harry Potter 7-1

Harry Potter 7-2

Ben Hur (original)

Ben Hur (1959)

Fantasia

Fantasia 2000

Spy Kids

Spy Kids 2

Spy Kids 3

Pirates of the Caribbean

Pirates of the Caribbean 2

Pirates of the Caribbean 3

Blues Brothers

Anchorman

The Big Lewbowski

Mad Max Fury Road

Mad Max (Original)

Interstellar

The Martian

Finding Nemo

Toy Story

Toy Story 2

Toy Story 3

Monsters Inc.

Up

A Bug’s Life

The Incredibles

Frozen

Ratatouille

Wall-E

Dunkirk

National Lampoon’s Family Vacation

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

The Santa Clause

The Santa Clause 2

It’s A Wonderful Life

Miracle on 34th Street

Gideon’s Trumpet

V for Vendetta

Napoleon Dynamite

Elf

Olive the Other Reindeer

Superman

Superman 2

Man of Steel

Spiderman 3: Edgelord Peter Chronicles

To Kill a Mockingbird

Ocean’s 11

Men in Black

Men in Black 2

Slumdog Millionaire

My Cousin Vinnie

Transformers

Shawn of the dead

Jurassic Park

The Lost World

Jurassic Park 3

Jurassic World

Mrs Brisbee and the Rats of Nimh

High School Musical

Midnight in Paris

Godzilla vs Mothra or some shit like that, it had GZ and Mothra in it, ok?

(American) Godzilla

Back to the Future

Back to the Future 2

The Dark Knight

The Dark Knight Rises

Tootsie

Alien vs Predator

Casablanca

The Prestige

The Terminal

12 Angry Men

Minority Report

James Bond Live and Let Die

James Bond Casino Royale

James Bond Skyfall

Airplane

Airplane 2

Naked Gun

Naked Gun 2 ½

Naked Gun 33 1/3

Pink Panther

Inception

King Kong (Peter Jackson)

Hotel Rwanda

Groundhog Day

Ghostbusters

Ghostbusters 2

Ghostbusters (female reboot)

Caddyshack

Pan’s Labyrinth

Night at the Museum

The 3 Musketeers

Paul Blart Mall Cop

Cloud Atlas

The Sandlot

Armageddon

The Road to El Dorado

Chicken Run

Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit

Madagascar

She’s the Man

101 Dalmatians

20,000 leagues under the sea

Zorro (original)

The Absent-minded professor

Mary Poppins

Herbie the Love Bug

Herbie 2

My Side of the Mountain

Race to Witch Mountain

The Wizard of Oz

The Wiz

Honey I shrunk the kids

Honey we shrunk ourselves

Honey I blew up the baby

Cool Runnings

Angels in the Outfield

Field of Dreams

The Lion King 1 ½

The Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride

Inspector Gadget

The Princess Bride

Treasure Planet

The Rookie

The Simpsons Movie

Pokemon the first movie: Mewtwo Strikes Back

Pokemon 2000

Pokemon 3 Spell of the Unown

Pokemon 4ever

Pokemon  Heroes

Pokemon Mewtwo Returns (technically a special, not a movie)

Pokemon Jirachi Wish Maker

Pokemon the rise of Darkrai

Pokemon Giratina and the Sky Warrior

Pokemon Arceus and the Jewel of Life

Pokemon Black

Pokemon White (80% the same as Pokemon Black)

Pokemon Kyurem vs the Swords of Justice (and that’s the most recent one I’ve watched)

Ice Age

Ice Age 2

Ice Age 3

Prometheus

Iron Man 1

North by Northwest

Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Captain America

Ratatoulle

Love Live the School Idol Movie

Your Name (Kimi no Na Wa)

The Garden of Words

5 Centimeters per Second

The Place Promised in our Early Days

Voices of a Distant Star

Children who chase Lost Voices/Journey to Agartha (Hoshi o ou kodomo)

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind

Howl’s Moving Castle

Kiki’s Delivery Service

Princess Mononoke

A Silent Voice

Napping Princess [Ancien & the Magic Tablet]

Interstella 5555

Marie and the Witch’s Flower

The Sting

Apollo 13

Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

Rear Window

The Birds

This is Spinal Tap

The Iron Giant

The Hunger Games

Supersize Me

Africa Screams

Office Space

Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

Freaky Friday (remake verson)

National Treasure

National Treasure 2: Sean Bean dies this time

The Da Vinci Code

Angels and Demons

A Christmas carol (old version)

A Christmas carol (the one with Patrick Stewart)

A Christmas Story

Oz the Great and Powerful

The Wizard of Oz 3: Dorothy Goes to Hell (cinemassacre)

Taken

Kung Fu Panda

Super 8

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World

Talledega Nights

Crocodile Dundee

Crocodile Dundee 2

Romancing the Stone

Like Mike

Space Jam

Looney Toons Back in Action

Scooby Doo Ghoul School

Scooby Doo Reluctant Werewolf

Scooby Doo on Zombie Island

Scooby Doo and the Witch’s Ghost

Scooby Doo and the Alien Invaders

School of Rock

The Polar Express

The Bad News Bears (original)

The Dream Team

The Gods must be Crazy

The Gods must be Crazy 2

American Tale

The Dark Crystal

My Friend Martin (Animated MLK jr. history lesson thing)

Jakob the Liar (Holocaust story about a man in a ghetto claiming he has a radio, remake of a 70’s east german version of the same story)

The Devil’s Arithmetic

Man of Marble (1977) (Polish film)

Doctor Strange

Wonder Woman

U2 3D

A Hard Day’s Night

Help!

The Beatles: Eight Days A Week (touring documentary, 2016)

Yellow Submarine

UHF

Stop Making Sense

Mama Mia!

Valerian and the City of 1000 Planets

Il Boom

Lost in Translation

House of Flying Daggers

Edge of Tomorrow

Pacific Rim

The Post

Arrival

Evan Almighty

Bruce Almighty

Ace Ventura Animal Detective

Ace Venture Pet Detective

Despicable Me

Get Smart

Over the Hedge

March of Penguins

The African Queen

Girl, Interrupted

Gandhi

Around the World in 80 Days (Jackie Chan version)

Chicago (the musical)

Hugo

Journey to the Center of the Earth

Osmosis Jones

Cars

Les Miserables (2012)

Singing in the Rain

West Side Story

Mary Poppins

The General (Buster Keaton)

Little Big Man

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

O Brother Where Art Thou

Beowulf (2007)

Crash

The Maltese Falcon

The African Queen

The Rocker

It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World

The Same Moon (La Misma Luna)

Airheads

The Secret of Roan Inish

Dave

Charlotte’s Web

Babe

The Three Musketeers

Dr. Doolittle

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea [I do not remember this at all]

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs [I do not remember this at all, either]

101 Dalmatians

Aladdin and the King of thieves

Sweeny Todd

[That bad vampire movie I saw at a party in like 2012]

[That other MST3K sci-fi movie about the bodyswap]

Tekken: Blood Vengence

Jason Borne (2016)

Metropolis (2001, anime)

Pay It Forward

Sister Act 2

(some shitty bullying movie)

The Atomic Brain [MST3K]

Hairspray

Dallas Buyer’s Club

Seven Samurai

Magnificent 7 (1960)

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum

Cinderella (Disney)

Ever After: A Cinderella Story (1998)

The Music Man

The King’s Speech

The Great Dictator

Oliver!

Kiss me Kate

Pirate Radio

Wrongfully Accused (Leslie Nielson)

(Huck Finn movie)

Bridesmaids

Modern Times

Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein

Metropolis (1927)

Funny Farm

The Black Stallion

National Velvet

Bionicle: Mask of Light

Arsenic and Old Lace

Unaccompanied Minors

Terminator

Isle of Dogs

A Quiet Place

Akira

Loving Vincent

Tangled

Hoodwinked

How to Train Your Dragon

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Ghost in the Shell (1995)

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Samurai Cop (1991) [Rifftrax]

Birdemic: Shock and Terror [Rifftrax]

Solo: A Star Wars Story

Oh Lucy!

The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, Abridged

The Thief Lord

Breaking Away (1979)

Fright Night (2011)

Sharknado [Rifftrax]

The Incredibles 2

Mongolian Ping Pong

The Gold Rush (Charlie Chaplin)

City Lights (Charlie Chaplin)

City Slickers

(Escape to) Victory (1981)

The Phantom of the Opera

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Fireworks: Should we watch them from the bottom or the side? (2017)

Ed Edd and Eddy’s Big Picture Show

Jaws

The Color of Friendship (2000)

Flatland

The Wolverine (2013)

Codename: Kids Next Door – Operation Z.E.R.O.

Incredibles 2

Shawn the Sheep

Goodachari

Mutiny on the Bounty

Happy Death Day

[darkmistandodddreams]

Like, no offence to disney, but I just found out that the old sleeping beauty adaptation I used to watch as a child is on Netflix and

starts out with lower class women spinning threads singing about hard work and diligence

king has only twelve golden plates, so he doesn’t invite the thirteenth fairy, the one of diligence, to his daughters birthday celebration cause “a princess doesn’t need that gift”

thirteenth fairy arrives anyway, with a spinning wheel as a gift, cause she doesn’t take shit from no king

not only did he not invite her, but he took off her portrait? Super rude! I would be pissed as well

king tries to throw her out and says spinning and hard work are for peasants, so rightfully she gets angry and curses his daughter to die on her 15th birthday after cutting herself on a spindle

The last fairy that didn’t give her gift yet changes it to milden the curse and makes it so the princess will only fall asleep for 100 years and all the castle with her, but they all agree that the king is an idiot and now the curse is fair. Fairies OUT.

The king overreacts and doesn’t get that he was a greedy arrogant douche, so in an attempt to protect his child he orders his men to gather ALL the spindles in the entire city

The guard reads the kings order that whoever hides a spindle or helps anyone who’s hiding one is to be executed. A teenage boy whispers to his mother that he has hidden their spinning wheel, children are crying, women are trying to hide the spindles, this movie doesn’t fuck around

These peasant women are fucking angry and there’s a surprisingly powerful moment where they curse the king for ruining the kingdom. Quote “Without spindles you can’t spin, and without thread you can’t weave and without fabric you can’t dress yourself!” And what does the king do with all the spindles? 

Holy shit, he burns them all down in a pire what the fuck this is almost 45 minutes of the movie gone by now

Cue 15 years later, when the princess celebrates her 15th birthday. She has no idea cause her father forbade everyone from talking about the thing or else? Right, he would execute them. So of course when the entire castle is out on a hunt she goes up into the forbidden tower of the castle and finds...?

not only the spindle, but the fairy, who got her portrait back apparently and is just chilling there working cheerfully. So the princess, who is an utter sweetheart asks her what she’s doing and could she learn as well? And of course the fairy of diligence teaches her to spin and it’s not like she immediatly falls asleep, but the princess actually spins away happily for a while until the spindle is full and she needs to change it. Thats when the whole cutting and falling asleep shebang happens and then a hedge grows around the whole castle, everyone’s asleep and frozen in time yadda yadda and only a righteous man who wants her not for money or fame but for herself can save them all, yeah that bit is still there but wow, like the first half of the movie dare I say the fairy?? A feminist icon?? Definitely the hero of my childhood also in hindsight I’m in love with her and all the fairies are definitely independent beautiful lesbians The second half of the movie is also quite nice comparably with a dude seeing the princess’ picture on a coin after 100 years (it’s still weird, she’s technically 15) and wanting to go find her. [EDIT: Actually even that’s better because he’s a young boy also and he’s not a prince and he get’s the coin from a douchebag older prince that’s angry that he couldn’t get into the castle] He meets the the fairy, who pretends to be a poor woman who needs help and offers him all sorts of riches after he does help her, but he refuses everything and just wants to know where he can find the princess. And in the end he wakes her up as usual and the King is like “nope you are not rich and awesome enough for my daughter” and the fairy is like “EXCUSE fucking you? Your word has no power here anymore it’s been 100 years shut the hell up” and then the princess teaches the women of the land the forgotten knowledge of how to spin that she learned before the fell asleep and the land thrives again under the hard working princess and the spinning women who are the backbone of the society, and I guess her dude also, and without the court because they threw most of the rich assholes out. The End.

When will your fairytale adaptation ever? So yeah it’s in german, but it’s on Netflix if you’re looking for it.  Dornröschen 1971 by Walter Beck

[nowitsdarkfic]

chapter nine - part one (the first hockey game)

“Can't see the sky, nothing's on the horizon. Can't feel my hands and the water keeps risin'. Can't fall asleep 'cause I wake up dead. I just keep polling, I just keep rowing...” -“Rowing”, Soundgarden 

October 14, 1988. Oswego, New York.

I awake the next morning to the feeling of warmth all around me, but I lay there without opening my eyes for a split second. The blankets cradle me and hold me so close like a toasty warm cocoon, and I don’t ever want to leave it. It’s all good right here, and I don’t wanna break away this spot here inside my bed because I know it won’t feel the same once I come back to it.

I have my knees pulled up towards my waist and my arms relaxed before my chest. There’s a warm feeling inside my stomach and a little full feeling between my thighs. Mmm. This is too good for words. The blankets resemble to silk while my pillow feels like the softest and plushest marshmallow from the top of the bag.

But then again, I feel that little tug in the pit of my stomach, that one that will morph into that uneasy feeling of not having eaten anything for hours. I also remember today is a hockey day.

I have to get up to pee, anyways. And see how she’s doing in the other room.

Oh, shit, Maya!

I take my hand out from underneath the blankets so as to rub my eyes. I glance about the dim lit room, at the shadows on the ceiling overhead. Without lifting my head, I take a peek down at the foot of my bed to make sure Vera’s not down there leering at me.

Okay, good.

Sigh.

I catch a glance of the clock on the nightstand next to me: eight thirty. Alright then.

I slither out from underneath the covers and step my feet onto the chilly carpet. I want to crawl back into bed, but I have to see if Maya’s awake, or if she made her way to the couch. I slept like a rock last night: I probably never would’ve heard her if she came in here with me.

I shiver as I make my way to the door and tug it open. The whole apartment is still dark with night, and then I wonder if it snowed again last night. It’s utterly freezing in here, after all. If it snowed, it’ll be hell of a hockey game today.

I step into the front room right as Mrs. Snow vanishes into thin silver wisps of smoke and nothing else. My eyes wander over the floor, over to the couch, and she’s laying there on her side with her black hair covering her face. She never took off her clothes; but she lays there with her knees knitted together and her hands hanging off over the edge of the couch.

I creep closer to her and crouch down before her face. Her eyes are sealed shut: the scar meanwhile seems to have receded into her skin. Maybe it’s just the darkness covering her face but it’s hard to say. After she behaved as though I had shocked her last night, I’m not taking any chances in hopes for a closer look.

“Maya--” I whisper to her. Her hair smells of mildew--who knows when she last washed it and I know laying in the storm drain doesn’t count. I feel gross and dirty after I had been sweating a bunch following a concert: I can’t imagine not washing to such an extent that I smell so utterly foul.

“Maya--?” I repeat myself. “Maya, can you hear me?”

Her breathing picks up like she can’t hardly keep up with something. I linger back to give her space.

“Maya?” I say in a low voice. Her lips part by just a sliver but it’s enough for her to whimper something.

“What’s that?” I gently ask her. She breathes it out again and I lean in closer to her face.

“Maya?”

“--va--vat-her--”

“Huh?”

She sighs and closes her mouth so as to swallow. I watch her return to sleep. I was going to tell her about my leaving in about an hour and a half or so, but I guess I’ll have to leave a note.

**********************************

At a quarter to ten, I step out to the gray morning in my parka over my leather jacket, and my big black boots, and with my mask, my stick, and my skates slung over my shoulder. It’s quite the grim day here in upstate New York to everyone else, but to me, it’s the perfect day for playing hockey with my guys, the other four members of my little club, the Frozen Circle Jerks.

I wind through the courtyard to the front of the property, and I recognize Spence’s old rust colored car parked at the curb, and Spence himself leaned up against the panel next to the rear passenger door. He’s about five years younger than me but he looks like he’s got about five years on me with the cowlicks of silver hair near his temples and peppered throughout his shoulder length dark brown hair. His skin’s also a lot more pallid than mine, and he’s got those high Germanic cheekbones that remind me of Lars and brilliant blue eyes.

“Joey Belladonna, I’ve been wondering about you as of late,” he greets me with a mischievous smirk upon his face once I come within earshot.

“Well, Spencer Morrison,” I retort to him as I round the door of the trunk to lay down my stick, my skates, and my mask, “let’s just say... things didn’t go quite as planned in Anthrax.”

“Oh, really?” He raises his eyebrows at me, stunned.

“Yeah. It was a total shock to me, too. I don’t know what was going through anyone’s minds, either. Jonny Z just told me I was out as lead singer.”

He gapes at me, shocked.

“Well, shit, man.” He folds his arms over his chest. “What’re you gonna do now?”

“I dunno,” I confess, closing the lid. “But I have to do something, though. You know, with my voice and my drumming and whatnot.”

I run my fingers through the hair on the side of my head, which is still a little bit damp from my shower last night. I hope it dries out by the time we start playing.

“I assume we’re gonna go pick up the three B’s?” I ask him.

“Oh, yeah. Barney and Billy are over at Brick’s place right now. They’ve got breakfast, too.”

“Good, I’m starving--” I climb into the passenger seat and we drive four blocks from the complex to Brick’s small blue and black house nestled in the trees overlooking the black waters. I dare not tell Spence about Maya given I’d have to retell it three more times. I’ll probably break it about her when we’re at the rink.

He pulls up to the curb, and the tires slip out a bit at the feeling of black ice on pavement.

“Be careful getting out, man,” he advises me once I open the door. Indeed, I feel a bit of ice underneath me and I’m somewhat inclined to slide over to the front door, but if I’m gonna do that, it’d be on my skates.

I’m cautious to climb onto the curb and that’s when the front door swings open up the walkway. Barney’s gray eyes glimmer against the blanket of snow around me on the front yard.

“There he is!” he declares. “Our captain!”

“Oh, captain, my captain,” I retort back to him, and I catch a whiff of coffee once I approach the front step.

“Oh my God, it smells so good in there.”

“Yeah, come on in, man--” Billy calls from the foyer. I’m greeted by a wave of warmth and the smells of coffee and bacon in conjunction with each other. I take off my coat once Spence steps into the house and shuts the door right behind me. Barney and Billy Grey are two brown haired brothers, three years separating them both, and yet they live down the block from me in what they call “the House of Grey” even though the house itself is an ugly olive green color; Spence, meanwhile, is their cousin on their mom’s side, the side bestowing them their pale gray eyes, and even though their dad’s from Wales, they both sound like they walked right out from the City.

I turn to the kitchen table right in front of me and my old friend Brick hunched over the newspaper with a cup of coffee in hand. His real name is Walter but I have referred to him as Brick since we met in sixth grade, because he’s always struggled with his weight and he broke more windows than me growing up. If I was the skinny black haired Indian boy, he’s the chunky sandy blond French Canadian who could never run too fast. Thus, I always told him it’s better if he’s goalie.

He lifts his head to see me and extends a hand for me.

“’Mornin’, Joe,” he greets me, taking my hand.

“Hey, man--” I lean in once our fingers interlock in a tight curl. Then I take my seat at the head of the table, my being captain and everything.

“Alright, so today’s just practice, right?” Billy asks me as he reaches for a clean mug from one of the cabinets.

“Every day’s practice,” Barney points out to him.

“Yeah, it’s not like we’re part of the NHL,” I join in with a chuckle. “I’d like for us to go to the next level at some point, though. You know. See what we can actually do.”

Brick hesitates with the cup of coffee near his mouth.

“Wait, what?”

“He got fired,” Spence says in a low voice as he enters the kitchen behind me.

“Oh, man, I’m so sorry to hear that.” I nod my head and show them a grim smile.

“Ah shit, man, that blows!” Barney declares.

“Holy crap, what was going on?” Billy demands, taking a seat in between me and Brick.

“I wish I knew. Jonny called me up the day before yesterday--before my birthday, too, no less--”

“Happy birthday, by the way,” Brick interjects.

“Thank you,” I can’t help but smile at that. “But anyways, Jonny Z called me up and said the decision was unanimous and you’re done, and it was like everything went sideways from there.”

“God... talk about getting fucked up,” Brick notes. “Worse than any fucking up courtesy of the Man in Black.”

I nibble on my bottom lip and glance up at Barney and Billy: the Man in Black, which haunts my nightmares whenever I’m without my dream catcher, resides at the House of Grey.

“Have you guys been seeing the Man in Black lately?” I ask Barney.

“Like once and it was the other night. I remember telling Bill about it and he rolled his eyes at it. As long as we’ve lived in the House of Grey, he’s never believed in the Man in Black.”

“It’s probably just the old man down the lane here,” Billy scoffs.

“Be careful,” Barney warns, “if the old man down the street wants to fuck us up, what makes you think the Man in Black won’t want to do the same?”

“I still don’t understand the gist of the Man in Black.”

“You know how he is, Bill.”

“Oh, come on, Barney--you and Joe here actually believe in that mumbo-jumbo?”

“It ain’t mumbo-jumbo,” I point out to him, shifting my weight as Barney sets a mug of coffee before me.

“Hey, I’d believe Joey if I were you, little bro. The man lives with four ghosts and a dark cloud.”

“Yeah, he sleeps with a dream catcher because they’ll haunt his dreams,” Brick adds.

“I actually burn incense for one of them.”

“Is that--Vera?” Brick asks me.

“Nah, that’s the little girl who stares at me whenever I doze off. I’m talking about Mrs. Snow.”

“Mrs. Snow, that’s it!”

“Besides, the old man isn’t that old,” I remind them, “he just has a family is all.”

“Not that old?” Billy flashes me a perplexed look.

“He’s Joey and Brick’s age,” Barney adds.

“He just acts like an old man,” I elaborate, bringing the mug up to my mouth. “He’s got like five kids or something like that. Total curmudgeon...” I take a sip of the hot black coffee and that by itself is enough to motivate me and wake me to a better day ahead, probably more than a little game of hockey.

**********************************

A thick gray cloud covers the late morning sun as we set up on the rink on the edge of town, coincidentally en route to Black Orchid. Sometimes we like to come out here for hours on end, all the way until dinner time, but we’re often so pumped with piss, vinegar, and adrenaline that we don’t eat dinner until after ten o’clock at night.

I had taken off my boots and laced up my black leather skates, and stepped out onto the rink first with my stick over my shoulder. The edge of the blade grinds over the ice as I make my way to the middle of the rink.

“Ice, ice, baby!” I declare, my voice echoing over the slick sheet of ice before me. I spin around to face my guys. “Who’s got the puck?”

“The Barn-meister!” Spence calls out from behind the wall.

I then feel something grab onto my shoulder and whirl me around. I recognize Maya’s gaunt face glaring back at me, her eyes wide and shimmering bright blue. Her veins are poking out of her skin, bright blue as if made from electronics. Her pale skin almost looks artificial. Her black hair is standing on end as if she’s being electrocuted.

But the very sight of her is enough to make me almost lose my balance.

“JESUS FUCK, MAYA!” I shout. I brandish my stick around and she vanishes into thin air. Breathing heavy, I regather myself and turn around right as Barney, Billy, Spence, and Brick are skating towards me with looks of concern upon their faces.

“You alright?” Brick asks me.

“I think so?” I reply. “I almost slipped and lost my balance.”

“Don’t do that,” Barney teases me. I roll my eyes and chuckle at him.

“Let’s just get to it,” Billy suggests to us, pulling away to the other side of the rink, and Brick and Barney follow suit. But Spence lingers in front of me with his eyebrows knitted together.

“Who’s Maya?” he asks in a low enough voice for them not to hear us.

“I’ll tell you later,” I vow to him, slipping my mask over the crown of my head.

I don’t know what that was all about, but that has me concerned now. Oops.

[theelbowdropla-blog]

NXT UK TAKEOVER BLACKPOOL REVIEW

NXT UK Takeover: Blackpool

Empress Ballroom, Blackpool, England (1/12)

J. Tappin - 1/21

Just under two years after the inaugural United Kingdom Championship tournament that took place in the same room, the UK wing of NXT presented their first Takeover special. The event was sold out with a hot crowd of 2,100. It overall was a decent show, nowhere near the quality of some of the top U.S. Takeovers that have taken place in the past couple of years but with more and more talent coming in, the UK Takeovers will reach that level.

The show opened with a video package featuring the history and all of the biggest stars of NXT in the United Kingdom.

There were five matches on the card, featuring three title matches.

Match 1: Zack Gibson & James Drake vs Tyler Bate & Trent Seven (Mustache Mountain)

NXT UK Tag Team Championships (23m45s)

This was the tournament final to crown the first NXT UK Tag Team Champions.

Bate & Seven entered to a big pop sporting gear that was an homage to the late British Bulldogs, Davey Boy Smith & Dynamite Kid, the latter passed away recently on 12/5 last year, the former on 5/18 in 2002. Mustache Mountain were easily the most over act on the show besides Finn Bálor, Pete Dunne or WALTER. Their opponents however were one of the more heavily booed acts on the show. This crowd hated the heels, Zack Gibson especially, with a passion.

At the start of the match, the crowd chanted Tyler Bate’s name to the tune of ‘Give it Up’ by KC & The Sunshine band, this was the first of many chants that you’d only hear on a show in England, another example featured the audience standing up and raising a shoe in their hands saying “shoes off if you hate (Zack) Gibson”.

This was undeniably the best match on the card. There were many spots where Tyler Bate displayed his unreal strength. Trent Seven was also very over and got good reactions when he was tagged in for him & Bate to hit double team moves. Bate displayed more greatness in a cat & mouse sequence performing some British evasion techniques. Seven did a topé through the bottom two ropes but was dropped outside.

The first hot tag to Bate was built well. The back of Seven’s head was busted up earlier from an elbow. The first hot tag to Bate got one of the biggest pops on the whole show, as well when he did the airplane spin on both opponents which received “big strong boi” chants. Bate also did the Hangman Page shooting star press off the apron.

Gibson & Drake hit their double team finish but Seven kicked out which got a big pop. They recreated the DIY vs Revival spot with Gibson & Drake holding Mustache Mountain in identical holds but stopping each other from tapping out. Bate lifted his way out of the hold and crashed into Seven & Gibson to break the hold. This receives “British wrestling” chants.

(Image: @WWENetwork twitter)

With Bate on Gibson’s shoulders on the outside, Drake did a topé into Bate for a doomsday device. Gibson & Drake won the match with the Ticket to Mayhem finisher. B+

The right team won. Having all the gold on British Strong Style straight away wouldn’t be as interesting. There’s definitely money in a Bate & Seven pursuit of the titles, especially if the matches are going to be like this one.

Match 2: Finn Bálor vs Jordan Devlin (11m45s)

Teacher vs Student.

Travis Banks was originally scheduled to face Jordan Devlin, but an injury angle was shot earlier in the day with Devlin attacking Banks in the lobby of the Empress Ballroom injuring Banks’ left knee. Banks came out for the match selling the knee and immediately started brawling with Devlin when he was making his entrance, but Devlin stomped out Banks’ knee on the steps ruling him unable to compete. Saint & Scala came out and Scala announced that they had a backup plan for Devlin’s opponent. Out comes Finn Bálor.

(Image: @FinnBalor twitter)

Bálor felt like a giant star coming into this match, and he wrestled like it too. He wrestled unlike he does on Monday Night Raw, and smiled a lot less in this match. It felt like watching Jordan Devlin wrestle Prince Devitt. The crowd chanted “holy shit” as Bálor made his entrance, and Devlin looked like he was thinking it.

Bálor went for the Coupé de grace early but Devlin escaped. Devlin soon got the upper hand and did a standing double stomp to Bálor’s chest which got heat. “Devlin’s a wanker” chanted the British audience. Bálor went up for another Coupé de grace attempt but was drop-kicked from the top the floor. The two exchanged chops and Devlin hit a ura-nage and a moonsault on Bálor. Bálor hit his own double stomp to the chest and hit a 1916 after a second attempt. Devlin super kicked Bálor and saito suplexed his mentor for a near-fall. Devlin kicked Bálor in the ribs and said to him that “there’s only one Irish ace”. A third coupé de grace attempt was thwarted and Devlin got a near-fall using the ropes for leverage. Devlin goes for a moonsault but Bálor gets the knees up. A fourth coupé de grace attempt is successful and Finn Bálor pins Jordan Devlin. C

Bálor made Devlin look great in this match, it feels like a while since we’ve seen him wrestle like this. Hopefully he can be allowed to get in this zone more often.

  Match 3: Dave Mastiff vs Eddie Dennis

No Disqualification (10m50s)

This was the weakest match on the card, seemingly never able to get out of third gear.

The story was that Mastiff ended Dennis’ NXT UK winning streak. But Dennis claims Mastiff lacks killer instinct.

Mastiff was wearing gear to homage the late Vader.

The match started with a hockey fight which the crowd liked. They used steel steps, a kendo stick, a chair and a table. The padding on the floor was ripped up early. There was dueling but weak chants for the two. Dennis displayed strength of his own in spots, lifting Mastiff in impressive ways. Dennis got a table out and it was propped up in the corner, the table got it’s own chant. They teased a German off the apron to the exposed floor, which if executed would’ve really sent both into the barricade. Mastiff did a rolling fireman’s carry to Dennis on the exposed floor. They teased a high cross into the table but was stopped.

The finish was Mastiff pinning Dennis after a cannonball through the table. D

Mastiff has not yet been pinned or submitted on NXT UK.

Match 4: Rhea Ripley (Champion) vs Toni Storm

NXT UK Women’s Championship (14m50s)

Toni Storm reeks of charisma and Ripley is a great heel. Storm got one of the biggest reactions of the night but throughout the match the fans seemed divided in who they wanted to see get the victory.

The lighting that NXT does for their title matches is something that should be down on the main roster shows. It creates the big fight feel and bestows the title’s importance.

It started with forearms but Ripley soon got the upper hand. She worked partially on the lower back of Storm, which was the story of the tournament final to crown the first women’s champion. Ripley talked a lot of trash to Storm. Ripley hit a delayed vertical on Storm, then she got posted. The crowd chanted “Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi” as Ripley and (kind of) Storm both come from the land down under. Ripley threw Storm around a bit more and talked more trash until she was struck with a head-butt.

During a double-down after some entertaining back & forth, the crowd chanted “NXT”. They got back up and exchanged elbows before a hockey fight which got a pop. Toni went for the Storm Zero but was thwarted. The second attempt of the Storm Zero was countered with a back body drop. Ripley had Storm in a Texas clover-leaf after back and forth pin attempts, this was reversed into an ankle lock by Storm.

Toni Storm became the first person since NXT UK’s inception to kick out of Ripley’s finisher the riptide. Storm hit her finish for a near-fall. The crowd was very hot at this point with different praising chants coming from all angles of the Empress Ballroom.

Toni Storm then pinned Rhea Ripley with a second Storm Zero to become the new NXT UK Women’s Champion. The crowd popped big and chanted “you deserve it” to Storm. C+

(Image: @WWEUniverse twitter)

It seems as if with both the men’s & women’s championships in NXT UK, the second person to hold the title kind of should have held it first. Tyler Bate held it for a couple of months before Pete Dunne, who the obvious choice to be the face of NXT UK took it and has held it for 600+ days, having great matches in defense of it. Rhea Ripley held it for barely a couple of months before Toni Storm, who is also a main face of NXT UK took the title. Not to take anything away from Bate & Ripley who both in their own right are fantastic, it’s just odd that essentially the same thing happened twice with the inception of both titles.

★MAIN EVENT★

Pete Dunne (Champion) vs Joe Coffey

WWE United Kingdom Championship (34m15s)

On the 601st day of his historic reign, 24-year-old Pete Dunne defended the UK title in the main event of the first NXT UK Takeover. The last person to hold a championship in WWE for longer than Dunne has was Hulk Hogan.

Coffey in the build-up to this match expressed grief that he wasn’t invited to the first UK title tournament two years ago, and with his Gallus stablemates (Mark Coffey & Wolfgang) feuded with the other members of British Strong Style (Tyler Bate & Trent Seven) as well as Pete Dunne.

Coffey got booed decently in his entrance but Dunne looked much more like a superstar in his. “Bruiserweight” chants infused the room before his music hit and the reaction was huge when it did.

They hit the title lights and the crowd was excited for this one. As good a heel as he can be, not a single person was booing Dunne for this match.

Pete Dunne is a guy who could have a good match with anybody and that showed here. He made Coffey look like a legitimate threat whether you thought he was or not.

They locked up and chain wrestled before Dunne did his signature methodical limb isolation spots. They wrestled to a stalemate which got applauded. Dunne worked Coffey’s left arm for a bit, putting him in a Kimura lock which Coffey managed to escape to hold Dunne up for a delayed vertical, but Dunne fell back into his kimura on Coffey. Dunne hit the Danielson step up moonsault on the steps to Coffey then hit the enziguri. “Mama Mia” was chanted when Coffey power slammed Dunne onto the ramp. Coffey started then to work the back of Dunne. A bear hug was held for a while but Dunne escaped. He hit the super forearm which Coffey sold great. He hit his slower version of Kota Ibushi’s moonsault off the middle turnbuckle to the outside. Coffey dodged a third Danielson step up moonsault and hit a step up cross body of his own for a near fall. He put a Boston crab on Dunne to work the back further. They exchanged headbutts until a simultaneous one dropped them both. This received “British wrestling” chants and applause. Coffey no-sold a release German off the ropes and got a Koji clutch on Dunne, who rolled through some counters to get an ankle lock on Coffey. Dunne hit a bitter end for a near-fall, he went for his corner outside moonsault but was stopped and soon power bombed onto the apron. They barely beat the count back into the ring. Coffey started stomping on Dunne’s head but Dunne then did his signature stomps to the face while holding the wrists of Coffey and the crowd was electric for this. Pete hit the switch at this point.

The two went back and forth and Coffey got a near-fall with a lariat, at this point the crowd was on their feet applauding.Coffey threw Dunne wickedly off the top rope which got a big reaction. In opposite corners the two duked up and did a hockey fight which the crowd loved. Coffey hit a Mt Everest German and the audience chanted/sang “are you watching, Vince McMahon?”. Coffey tried a Bitter End of his own but Dunne countered into a D.D.T and hit a second Bitter End but took too long to try and pin and Coffey rolled away just at the right time.

Coffey took Dunne to the corner and the two climbed the rope. I’m not sure what spot they were trying to do but they both fell, Dunne to the mat and Coffey to the floor. After a near-fall when Coffey counted the Bitter End into a slam of his own, they had the same botch again from the top rope except this time they both fell to the floor. The two mistakes definitely spoilt the momentum of the match. Dunne hit a third Bitter End which Coffey kicked out of but straight after he attacked and bent the fingers of Coffey and won via submisison, retaining the UK title. B-

They definitely went too long but Takeover specials generally go for two and a half hours.Perhaps Dunne & Coffey would have felt obliged to fill the time they were given despite certainly missing the peak of the match.

NXT did their trick of putting the Trademark/All Rights Reserved graphic in the bottom right corner of the screen as Dunne celebrated and as it seemed they were about to go off the air, WALTER debuted in NXT UK. The crowd went nuts and chanted “NXT” as both Dunne & WALTER hit their poses at each other in the ring. WALTER without speaking made it clear that he wants the United Kingdom Championship, Dunne vs WALTER for the title will probably be the main event of the next UK Takeover.

(Image: @WWENetwork twitter)

For almost the whole Pete Dunne reign of the UK title it seemed like there was nobody that would take the championship from him. But it seems the right thing to do to establish WALTER as the killer he is known to be, is to have him beat Dunne in their first title match, ending the historic reign and perhaps having a long one of his own.

M.V.P: Tyler Bate

[nickireadstfc]

The Foxhole Court, Chapter 4 – And If You Kindly Look To Your Left, You’ll Be Able To See Shit Getting Real

In which I start captaining the Kandreil ship, Orange Sportsball steps up its game, Neil pulls a Son-Goku and then I proceed to lose my shit because wHAT THE FUCK.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Foxhole Court.

Okay so first of all, WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL. WHAT THE SHIT JUST HAPPENED. I LEGIT JUST PUT THE BOOK DOWN AND I AM STILL YELLING AS I TYPE THIS. I WAS NOT PREPARED.

But let’s start at the beginning.

           “Kevin’s on the List,” Nicky said. When Neil frowned, Nicky explained. “It’s a list of celebrities we’re allowed to have affairs with. Kevin is my number three.”

           Neil pretended to understand and changed the topic.

When will Neil stop being #relatable.

Also, one of my besties had a list like that with her last boyfriend! 10/10 would recommend.

Also, who are Nicky’s number two and one because I’m dying to know. Michael Fassbender? Taron Egerton? Michael Clifford? Patty Walters? Zac Efron?

Ah no, sorry, that appears to be my personal list. Got that mixed up.

(You can’t tell me Nicky doesn’t want to bone Zac Efron though. There are only two types of people (who are attracted to men) in the world: People who want to bone Zac Efron, and people who are lying.)

Moving on to our favourite murder son, Andrew, who appears to have exactly zero fucks to give about Exy. No one is surprised. However, he does seem to give a few fucks about Kevin.

Or give them to him? Because this is where the shipping bells started ringing in my overly imaginative brain… which turned out to be not so overly imaginative after all.

           “Stop staring at Kevin so much. You’re making me fear for your life over here.”

           “What do you mean?”

           “Andrew is scary territorial of him. He punched me the first time I said I’d like to get Kevin too wasted to be straight.”

…………. honey, das kinda gay.

My heart already started moving down well-lit, shimmering Kandrew Lane, however Andrew comes out of nowhere and points me back towards more promising pathways:

           Andrew caught Nicky’s jersey in one hand and threw him hard up against the wall. (…)

           “Hey, Nicky,” Andrew said in stage-whisper German. “Don’t touch him, you understand?”

           “You know I’d never hurt him. If he says yes-“

           “I said no.”

           “Jesus, you’re greedy,” Nicky said. “You already have Kevin. Why does it-“

           He went silent, but it took Neil a moment to realize why. Andrew had a short knife pressed to Nicky’s jersey.

Holy shit. That’s not even simple gay, that’s full-on three-way relationship shipping opportunity gay. Did I say Kandrew Lane? Fuck that. We’re going straight down fucking Kandreil Boulevard.

Also, let me correct myself. Andrew points me back towards more promising pathways with a knife. Holy shit?? What?? Who gave this messed-up murder maniac a weapon???

And Messed-up Murder Maniac is actually kind of abusive, which worries me.

           “That’s not okay,” Neil said, pointing at the door.

           “That’s nothing,” Nicky said.

           Neil caught his arm as Nicky passed and hauled him to a stop. “Don’t let him get away with things like that.” (…)

           “That was my fault.” Nicky said. “I said something I shouldn’t have, and I got what I deserved.”

Tumblr has led me to believe that Andrew is a smol gay emo son, not someone who would almost stab his friend and makes him feel guilty about it later. When do we get to meet the soft grunge version? When he’s off his meds?

As someone with friends who actually depend on mental health medication to live regular lives, I’m not really feeling this whole “meds are bad meds make you psycho and give you fake happiness blah blah” crap tbh.

On a more cheerful note: More Orange Sportsball! Cheerful for us, not for Neil, as Kevin and the Gang have made it their personal mission to – what’s the term? Ah yes, completely fuck him up.

First, Kevin sets up a death match that’s pretty much Neil vs Everyone, and then he makes him fire penalty shots at a malicious Andrew (yes, that scene) that fuck up Neil’s arms more than Iggy Azalea fucked up rap music.

But Stubborn Protagonist isn’t giving up, ho boy: Cue a Dragon Ball-style training montage, starring Sore Muscles, Impossible Standards and Determination in the leading roles.

(Now I’m imagining Neil as Son-Goku, complete with snazzy orange uniform (at least he’s used to the colour already), hiking up and down wonky stairs carrying piles of rocks. Fanart, now.)

Then, one night, Neil catches Kevin and Andrew having some wonderful boyfriend alone time at the court which he, of course, decides to join in on.

This is the point where we are once again reminded of what a dramatic little fucker Andrew is: His trademark accessories are bandages that have sheats built in for knives that he just wears on a daily basis. HOW ARE YOU SO EXTRA HOMBRE.

           “Why do you hate this game so much?”

           Andrew sighed as if Neil was being purposefully obtuse. “I don’t care enough about Exy to hate it. It’s just slightly less boring than living is, so I put up with it for now.”

Not even MCR’s debut album was this emo.

           “Isn’t it fun?” Neil asked.

           “Someone else asked me that same thing two years ago. Should I tell you what I told him? I said no.”

*cough* Kevin *cough*

*cough* it kills me how much those two are alike *cough*

          Andrew’s smile was small and cold. “You be something. Kevin says you’ll be a champion. Four years and you’ll go pro. Five years and you’ll be Court. He promised Coach. He promised the school board. He argued until they signed off on you.”

I’m………… dying………... I’m not even fucking trying this ship sails itself.

           “Your loose ends aren’t adding up,” Andrew said.

           “I’m not a math problem.”

           “But I’ll still solve you.”

Real smooth, homie, real smooth.

As much as I’d like to linger on the wonderful shipping currently unfolding before my eyes, we do have actual plot to get to: IT’S NEILLY BABY BACKSTORY TIME FUCK YES.

We learn aboute the absolute fucking tragedy that is his mom’s death, bleeding out on a lone beach in California and teenage Neil having to burn her and immediately having to hit the road again, not even able to mourn properly.

What the hell. As much as I like to make fun of him for being Extra and Dramatic, I get the feeling that it’s absolutely valid knowing what he’s been through (and the others as well, probably.)

And as this was all sad and tragic and stuff, I thought we’d be done with the backstory reveals for today.

Boy, was I wrong.

           “I warned Andrew he was going to come for me. I told him!”

           “It doesn’t matter. You signed a contract with me.”

           “He could pay off my scholarship in a heartbeat. You know he would. He’d pay you off and take me home and I-I can’t go back there. (…) I should go now, before he has to come for me. Maybe he’ll forgive me if I go back. If I make him hunt me down any more than I have already he’ll kill me for sure.”

What. What is going on. Who’s gonna kill Kevin.

           “Shut up,” Wymack said. “You’re not going anywhere.”

           “I can’t tell Riko no!”

RIKO. We’ve heard of that fucker before.

In the words of our lord and saviour Han Solo: I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

           “How much did you hear?” Wymack said.

           “Kevin’s having a nervous breakdown,” Neil said. “I don’t know why.”

           “Edgar Allan put in a transfer request with the ERC and it was approved this morning. They’re party of the southeastern district effective June 1st”

So the Ravens and the Foxes have to play against each other? Although this is a nice twist, it’s also standard sports drama plot technique, no surprises so far. What’s the catch?

           It’d been heard enough facing Kevin in Arizona. How could Neil risk meeting Riko too? Just because Kevin didn’t remember Neil didn’t mean Riko wouldn’t either. Neil didn’t want to find out the hard way if Riko had the better memory of the two.

WAIT, so Neil has shared history with Riko too?? Makes sense considering that Kevin and Riko used to be inseparable until a few years ago, and they most likely met when they were kids. Still, didn’t think about it that way.

And then Wymack (and Nora) drops an entire bombardment of plot bombs on us.

           “Do you know why Kevin came to Palmetto State?”

What followed was me screaming WHAT THE FUCK for a good eight pages.

Turns out Kevin’s childhood was about as awesome as Neil’s, which mean absolutely fucking not. So Riko’s family is a Japanese mafia gang, the Ravens are their cover for their shady murder businesses and Kevin was pretty much abused his whole childhood?? And Riko broke Kevin’s hand, and did it purely out of spite??? Like a toy you break if you don’t want to play with it anymore?? And now they want revenge for Kevin’s escape by destroying him on the court, breaking what last willpower he has, and cashing in on the publicity this gets them??

WHAT THE ACTUAL EVERLASTING FUCK?????????

But we’re not done yet, ho boy. Because plot fucking twist!! Neil used to play little league with the Moriyamas!! Itsy bitsy ten-year-old Neil livin’ it up with Kevin and Riko while the adults were upstairs doing some good ol’ murders!! Because his father is the ultimate crime lord of Baltimore and best pals with all the Japanese gangs in the area!! Also, the dads killed a dude in a conference room once and made the lil ones watch!! It all connects and I am NOT FUCKING LIKING IT.

Also, his mum didn’t only run away with him, but stole five million dollars before she did.

Five. Million. What a gal.

Back to the point at hand: WHAT THE FUCK?? WHAT IS HAPPENING?? I DID NOT EXPECT THAT MUCH BACKSTORY THIS EARLY ON?? I THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA BE LIKE THE BIG REVEAL AT THE END?? I WAS NOT PREPARED!!

           Neil had grown up wondering why Kevin and Riko were in that room eight years ago and how they’d overcome it. He’d wondered why their luck and circumstances were so different that they could become international stars while Neil’s life spiralled so quickly out of control. He’d hated and worshipped them all his life, jealous of their successes and desperate for them to excel. Now it seemed he’d been wrong all along; Kevin hadn’t escaped either.

           No matter what they did or who they became, maybe they never would.

I’m not okay. I need a moment. This just all got so much more interesting.

Shit just got real, you guys.

[fathersonholygore]

Netflix’s Dark Season 1, Episode 6: “Sic Mundus Creatus Est” Directed by Baran bo Odar Written by Jantje Friese & Ronny Schalk

* For a recap & review of the previous episode, “Truths” – click here * For a recap & review of the next episode, “Crossroads” – click here Love the title of this episode, as it goes back to the sort of Celtic symbol, whatever it was, and the tattoo on the Stranger’s (Andreas Pietschmann) back of the Emerald Tablet of which the words “Sic Mundus Creatus Est” are a part. Look it up here. A girl is lost in the woods, she calls out for young Ulrich and Katharina. But nobody answers. Not far off is the entrance to those caves. Waking up, we see it was Regina Tiedemann (Deborah Kaufmann). She wakes up, asking her partner to tell her “everything‘s all right.” That’s one intriguing cold open to an episode that’s name suggests we’re going to see a lot of interesting things. I wonder what’s in store, and how does Regina connect to the rest of the characters, the events? This little German town is rightfully terrified, everyone is worried about the missing children, another child dead. So Charlotte Doppler (Karoline Eichhorn) is urging people to let the police know about any incidents, even if a child went missing for “24 hours.” Everything matters. At home, Jonas Kahnwald (Louis Hofmann) asks his mother Hannah (Maja Schöne) how she met his father, after recently discovering Michael was once Mikkel Nielsen, who travelled back in time from 2019 to 1986, beginning an entirely new life. But Jonas doesn’t press his mother too hard. He can barely grasp the concept, let alone telling her about it. Not to mention he’s still playing around with those maps his father had; I assume Michael was trying to discover his own origins, trying to find out who he was before Ines took him in as her own, wanting a child so bad she accidentally rewrote history. Meanwhile, Ulrich Nielsen (Oliver Masucci) is digging into the files on his missing brother Mads. He looks through the old police records, listening to the tapes, one of his mother in particular interests him. His wife Katharina (Jördis Triebel) is in emotional shambles, as well as trying to protect her daughter Martha (Lisa Vicari), her son Magnus (Moritz Jahn), worried about them after their little brother vanished. I’m most curious about Regina. Obviously she’s a Tiedemann, she has close links to the town, her mother ran the power plant. We get one brief bit about her when she receives a letter, after undergoing a mammogram recently. All those years around the family business, did it give her cancer? Sadly, yes. Ulrich goes over to talk with his father, Tronte (Walter Kreye). He asks if Ego knew anything. He believes this is all linked the 1980s, when Mads disappeared. Then he asks where his dad was the night his brother vanished. Mother Jana (Tatja Seibt) says her husband got home late. Dad denies being capable of what he’s suggesting, though there’s a mystery buried there. Tronte leaves, so mother and son chat. She reveals Tronte was having an affair; Mads went missing, he was in another woman’s bed, none other than Claudia Tiedemann, of course. Ah, the family way. While Martha prepares to perform onstage, Bartosz (Paul Lux) apologises to her. When he tries for a kiss, she’s cold. She and Jonas have rekindled their relationship, which he doesn’t know about yet. Jonas is busy trying to find out more in those caves, using his father’s maps; one part reads FOLLOW THE SIGNAL. And now he’s headed into another cave’s mouth, using the light from the box the stranger left to guide him. I feel terrible for Katharina. She’s caught between putting up posters for her missing boy and scouring Ulrich’s cellphone bill to find out what he’s been up to underneath her nose. That’s when she manages to find a number, call it, getting Hannah on the other line and confirming what she’d already suspected. Ulrich goes to see Regina, who was the last person to see Mads before his disappearance. She knew about the affair between their parents, too. She says there’s “no justice in this world” and wishes it were Ulrich who’d disappeared. He has always hated her, because he believes she was the one who claimed he raped Katharina. This is when he finds out the truth, that it was Hannah. OHHH, SHIT. The past is coming to bear on the present in a lot of unexpected ways. That night Katharina calls a radio station. She claims there is a murderer living amongst their town. “We‘re all so blind,” she says. And in many ways it’s true. Ulrich is finally seeing the truth, confronting Hannah, as is Katharina discovering her true husband. As is everybody. Jonas, as well. He’s seeking the truth more than anybody.

In the caves Jonas finds a tiny red rope attacked to a hook in the wall. He follows it in deeper. Soon he turns on the Geiger counter; ah, the signal! He lets it click away, and he moves deeper through the rocks. Eventually he reaches a panel with SIC MUNDUS CREATUS EST on it, a solid stone, that Celtic-like, runic symbol. He opens it, a wind blows through it, and once he’s inside the door closes behind him. Where does it lead? Simultaneously, all the lights at the school flicker as Martha breaks down onstage during her performance. The lights throughout the town flicker. Tronte, he has a book with the same symbol as is found on that door; in it are marked various dates, times. Does he keep track of these events? Jonas crawls down a long corridor, which splits in two directions at a certain point. He goes down one, then comes to another door like he saw before, the same symbol on it. He opens it and goes through. Then the flickering lights in town stop. He goes on through to more caves, coming out into the trees. And when he walks a little longer, he sees that he’s gone back to ’86 himself. He sees posters for a missing child: Mads Nielsen. And who should come along to pick him up? His own mother, as a girl (Ella Lee). Damn, that is a headtrip. In 2019, Ulrich is starting to wonder if the boy they found in the woods, the corpse, dressed as if it were from the ’80s, may in fact be his brother: he confirms it from a story his mother told, a scar Mads had on his chin from when the brothers fought. Never saw that part coming. Holy fuck. What an episode! Continually gets better, but the way they’ve already told us about Mikkel/Michael and now they’re pulling on more threads is genius. A brilliant show of writing, can’t wait to see more. “Crossroads” comes up next. Dark – Season 1, Episode 6: “Sic Mundus Creatus Est” Netflix's Dark Season 1, Episode 6: "Sic Mundus Creatus Est" Directed by Baran bo Odar…

[vertigoambrosia]

i can’t wait any longer for the english feed - let’s start world tag team league!

vimeo is fucking up again, but that’s actually ok since my neck is still fucked up so i can’t turn right

i need to find out what the story beyond “eyfbo” is because it sure sounds like a dumb name

lol i’m surprised cmj would ever step into a ring again

i love the processions they do in tournaments

lucky’s glee at doing the lil finger thing with fans is adorable

it feels weird to start off with this match cause it’s probably the one i’d be most likely to actually see in new york

hahah lowki is great

‘fan, please help me straighten my tie’

i mean, i’ll never be able to forget that he’s kinda known for being a self-serious lil shit, but i still like him

why are spirit squad still a thing? it just seems like the gimmick doesn’t fit when you’re like, balding and middle aged

besides to be told to shot the fuck up

hahahahaha lucky gets offended at rise being called ‘fake ass bullet club’

*tarkan voice* these are the weirdest people i have ever met...including lucky

...i am not into this at all

love the little girl in the pink ringkampf shirt with the emphatic thumbs down

once again, to be fair, julian did get mack in a #1 contender match

it’s not really his fault that mack couldn’t beat avalanche

but neither nero nor mack have really had direction so whatevs

noooo i can’t understand this promo

i sure understand slapping the taste out of julian’s mouth though!

julian cut his hair and i don’t like it

...what? why?

wtf are they planning with mack

oh god i need a translation for this immediately

lmao wtf is going on

marius’s fucking falsetto

oh man that massive product image is really good

with all their nicknames in the letters

awww jurn petting david

i am very disappointed they dubbed over all david’s nicknames

god i love wrestling

ok boys we get it: you’re meaty. you can stop with shoulder tackles now

massive product: do you want a big boy or a little boy?

oh damn that was quite a finish!

oh no david u ok????

i wonder who does the graphics for wxw? i mean, david’s title card is similar to the shirt he has

oh robert no this green is just Bad

i like the jacket though. maybe not with the singlet, but the jacket’s cool

i did get spoiled for this match, so i guess the only question is how much interference will occur

man this theme is so good why can’t all the overdubs be so good?

really though ivan kiev is the one who beat walter clean so perhaps he’ll actually win clean here too

when avalanche is done tossing him out of the ring

hahahaha holy shit he just fucking bounced off avalanche

yeah nah kiev’s gonna need his buddies for this one

hah did german commentary call that apron dropkick ‘drive by kick’?

throwing ivan out of the way and taking a hit from avalanche instead? pete is the most loyal boyfriend

that being said, it was probably not the wisest choice for rise to piss off avalanche

awww and nero comes to defend his friend

cerberus’ relationship is so weird

OUR BOY

once again, cerberus’ relationship is so weird

oh boy did the briscoes always have the stars and bars and i just noticed it?

you’re from delaware dipshits

is tim a lakers fan? is that what’s with the purple&gold socks?

fyi that ambition rules match is really good and you should watch it

i like how at this point when someone chops walter everyo

SHIT THAT LARIAT

anyway, when someone new chops walter, everyone’s like ‘lollll u fucked up’

...are there rednecks in germany

i will never get tired of walters big boot

[vertigoambrosia]

shotgun time

nervous about the description hinting bobby gunns messing with alpha lovers...

hoping matt riddle doesn’t cancel on that shortcut match like a douchebag

but yeah! we’re gonna fight tonightday!

‘a family man’ awww adorable

i would make a joke about ‘smoking at parties’, but this is europe everyone socially smokes

lmao that creepy ass jaxon vid

karstennnnn :(

hahahaha german subtitles ok

aww they cut away just as jurn was winking

what happened to alan i like him a lot better than jeremy

jurn we both know you know what a fistbump is

jurn vs avalanche is gonna be fun, but i’m just waiting for ilya’s title shot

kinda thinking avalanche will win the title and ilja will get a shot against him

i’d love for him to win the title then, but robert deserves a real title defense

ilja better murder riddle though; i love the bro but he gets booked like a god in most promotions (and he’s getting a rep for cancelling dates when a better opportunity comes along, which is Rude and dumb)

holy SHIT that wasn’t a ddt that was a goddamn facebuster on the apron!

side note: if you follow a 2 count up with ‘~sweeeet~’, you’re terrible and i hate you

it speaks to emil’ss skill that he makes shit look so savage, cause according to jurn in the podcast he’s actually a relatively light touch

i need to finish that episode but emil gets on and it’s pretty interesting; apparently he was a serious gymnast?

and now bad bones threw him off the top rope and he may be dead

ha i love bones being like ‘idgiaf i can win shortcut from any number’

seb you are an enabler

kevin has grown up so much!!! look at him stand up for himself!

i wish the shotgun title match was one on one; i really thought the storyline would be that emil stole a win but wouldn’t be able to defend in a singles

or at least have starr rematch one on one against him

so jaxon stone has a stalker?

ok ilja i’m glad you’ve got things under control...even if i have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about i love you anyway

finally i’ll understand this promo!

karstennnnn :(

hahaha walter’s completely right though wtf did cmj think would happen

:( karsten you’re making me all choked up

man when young money chong is judging you, you know you’re fucked up

but really i need my german wrestlebear to be ok :(

[we all agree karsten is a teddy bear, right?]

is the paparazzi gonna be a wrestler?

kevin’s so serious i’m so proud of him!

oh bobby you done stealing nakamura’s title so you gotta take naito’s chill roll too?

bobby melanie will kick your ass!

kevin...baby :(

still concerned about how this will all play out; looks like kevin and melanie are gonna break up and w/bobby involved...shit could get real gross real fast

[vertigoambrosia]

ok i had a nap and a journal write and emailed my therapist and i’m still feeling unsteady but here’s shotgun

fucking rico and his vacations

he has a fucking boat now apparently

‘a little bit of choppin and jivin for the crowd’ alan.....don’t say that

i know you’re not american but you have to know that ‘shucking and jiving’  is not a nice thing to say a black person does and i can’t think of another well known phrase that ends in ‘ing and jiving’

i’m not quire sure how to explain it without context (for example, if you don’t know what it is, i can’t say ‘it basically means uncle tom-ing it up)

but basically saying a black person is shucking and jiving means they’re being a clownish stereotype to entertain the white people

ughhh emillll you’re such a douuuucccchhhheeeee

i actually would like to know why wxw stopped doing free shotgun

and also why they don’t use youtube subscription, which allows things like playlists and a search that isn’t shitty

but ask cmj is in german only so :(

ok i can’t even pretend i care about a mason ryan match

even if andy’s involved

ooo that keel holding lottery tag is an interesting twist

ok i love the focus switching from a walter vs robert promo to adam talking directly to the camera

there’s a really funny video of david starr giving a tour of the academy/wxw headquarters

i can’t tell if he’s trying to parody the wwe performance center videos or if he’s just being a silly boy

interesting that jurn considers tyler more useless than kevin (or even marius tbh)

karsten touch titty

jurn smile

oh hey karsten now you’re talking directly to us

oh man i think i’m close to havign watched every english shotgun; i think i started off with the one where karsten fought daisuke/kevin tried to serenade him

thanks for this music video pretending to be a highlights video, wxw

LMAO the shotgun belt gets taken away so kim can’t win with it....so he uses the dtu belt

hahaha holy shit grizzled german man scaring the shit out of kim is great

i completely understand why not, but i kinda wish player dos was just a palette swap of player uno

like, they had the same tights in differnet  colors

hahaha tommy looks so over adam

he looks like he wants to die

oh clarity: yes adam is a demon, and tommy end probably is too

[no of course he’s not speaking metaphorically they’re both demons shut up]

ok how did nobody catch that the graphic showed a4 and reich and shon but it’s actually a4 vs des schilds

it makes me laugh that vincent’s a beast because he’s just REALLY ANGRY ALL THE TIME

HOLY SHIT bobby just put out a cigarette on marius al ani wtf

lol marius is stuck in the middle of this andy/bad bones tiff

OH IT’S BATHTUB TIME

well ok more like hot tub time but is that really that much different in this context?

like really what is marius (van beeethoven) doing in there though?

kevin is rubbing karsten’s feet but marius is just...lounging

how many boys can we fit in this tub

i love when refs remember they can kick people out from ringside

red shoes kicking out the bulletclub at dominion 2015 during aj/okada was the most beautiful moment

‘wwahhhh it’s so unfair that my bodyguard couldn’t help me against a flippy tween’

‘constructive one on one he had with kim ray’ oh sasa

please bring my giant lift boy back to wxw

his admirer can come too

that door looks like just for a regular house

so it seems like sasa just came to cmj’s house to plead for a title match

uhoh what did sasa do to verena and walter

~spoopy demon filter~

lol @ pre-drugs dirty dragan

...i think i watched this episode

yeah i’ve seen this promo

skipping ahead;

...wow i really have watched every english shotgun.

AND I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT KEEL HOLDING DID damn there is a ton of history for WxW; i’ve watched the last year and a half and was too late for cerberus’ initial formation, any of keel holding, or ilja’s shotgun title run

but seriously it was still a lot of fun and i have learned a lot about my favorite muscleboys and weasels and dads and hellhound boys

now to just wait for this weekend’s shows to go up and cry over them (hopefully the english ones won’t take too long; there’s been a significant delay lately)