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MY MEMORIES OF JOHANNESBURG - City of GOLD.

article published 4 Feb 2009. Written and compiled by Anne Lapedus Brest.

MEMORIES OF JOHANNESBURG, CITY OF GOLD

Written and Compiled By

On the 4th February 1961, when I was 14 years old, and my brother Robert was 11, our family came to live in Johannesburg.

We had left Ireland, land of our birth, leaving behind our beloved Grandparents, family, friends, and a very special and never-to-be-forgotten little furry friend, to start a new life in South Africa, land of Sunshine and Golden opportunity…………… The Goldeneh Medina…...

We came out on the “Edinburgh Castle”, arriving Cape Town 2nd Feb 1961. We did a day tour of Chapmans Peak Drive, Muizenberg, went to somewhere called the “Red Sails” and visited our Sakinofsky/Yodaiken family in Tamboerskloof.

We arrived at Park Station (4th Feb 1961), Jhb, hot and dishevelled after a nightmarish train ride, breaking down in De Aar and dying of heat.

We lived in Becker Street, Yeoville, Robert went to K.E.S and I went to Barnato Park (aka Johannesburg Girls’ High) in Berea. Robert was in Cadets , I played hockey, and bunked school (with Gilda Goldblatt!!) Our next-door neighbours were Michael and Sandra Golding, Zena and Teddy Cohen lived in Becker Street also and Ronnie and Nigel Baskin lived in Yeo Street near the Richters - Selma and Charles Richter,.

Girls at Barnato Park lived in mainly Hillbrow, Berea, Yeoville, Bellevue, Houghton, Orchards, Melrose and Dunkeld. After school, many of us would catch the 19 bus from Tudhope Avenue Berea to Raleigh Street, Yeoville, but many girls were collected by beautifully coiffed and bee-hived mothers with long painted nails, arriving to collect them in huge fancy Chevrolets, with big cats’ eye tail-lights.

ONLY IN SOUTH AFRICA …………………………….

Oy, but I had to get used to so many new expressions ……..

“ See you this arvy, Hey? “ and “See you just now, Annie” (I learnt the hard way that “Just Now” didn’t mean immediately)

“There’s the new girl in Form 3, …….. Shame!!” “My sister’s baby is so cute, …… Shame!

People would give me directions and tell me to turn at the robot.

Can I Lend your book?

Whatever I said, the girls would answer “Is it” ?

The shul is full of KUGELS……………….

Why did the bus-conductor call us all “Donkey” when he collected our tickets???? “Thank you,… Donkey” and the Klippies would say it in a high-pitched voice. “Thank you, donkeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyy”

You MUST come visit this arvy, see? You MUST go and see Cliff Richard at the Collosseum. You MUST buy the latest Elvis Presley record. MUST, MUST, MUST (only in South Africa! Say that “MUST” to people overseas, they think you are a control-freak). (took me a while to get used to it!!)

G.C. EMMMMM

Girls would talk about great talent at a party, and they talked about Chracks , boys talked about “good stock” .

It’s a blerry gemors!! Stoep. Goeie Môre , Lekker Bly,

My skat. Klop Dissel Boom gaan! Klappies. Lappies.

Wag ‘n bietjie. I’m Gatvol !!!! Deurmekaar.

Yislaaik! Herrrrrrre ! (Yurrah) Magtig!! …..Maggggggtigggggg !!! Vragtig! …….Vragggggtigggggg !!!!!!

Where’s the jol tonight, hey? Do youse know?

Don’t tune me kak, hey? Ag! Yes no fine. Stovies. He’s fab - such a doll !!!, He thinks he’s such a big Bok. It’s not so lekker.

Howzzit, my China. I smaak you.

Don’t chaaf my cherry, hey! Don’t grip my cherry…

Who do you think you’re looking at, China?

Don’t tune me grief, ek sê. Voetsak! Sies! Ag! Siestog, Jong!

My bike is buggered.

Bugger off !

He donnered her.

She Bliksemed him

They Revolting!

Sommer so …………………..

Don’t talk to them, they are all such Rubbishes.

Stiffies.

It’s Kwaai……..

Well, yes , no fine, Those were the days my friend we thought they’d never end …...

SUBURBS

In those days a majority of the Jewish community seemed to be living in Hillbrow, Berea, Bellevue, Yeoville , Cyrildene, Observatory, Dewetshof, Judith’s Paarl, Highlands North, Houghton, Dunkeld, Melrose, Hyde Park.

Suburbs where a lot of Jews also lived were Kensington, Emmarentia, Greenside, Doornfontein, Mayfair. Remember Fordsburg (Fitas). Also a Jewish area once upon a time.

Robert and I went to Yeoville Chader (The Bernard Patley), - Mr. SHATCHAN was the headmaster, and teachers I remember were Miss AARONS (Bella Golubchick) , Mr. Solly GOLDBERG, Rev. HIMMELSTEIN, and the Shammas was a Mr. CHAZEN (His daughters, Gertie and Hannah both went to Barnato park) and Mrs. MAGID

Chader Children I can remember the names of some of the “ Chader children”. Colin Koransky, Dorian Hersch (Shear), Terroll Hersch (Z”l), Gilda Goldblatt (Galvad), Brenda Goldblatt (Spitz) (O”h) Frances Taylor, and her older sister, Sharon (now in Israel), Carmella Shapiro, Marsha Furman, Gerald Pokroy, Philip Eliason, Harry Sacks, Alan Kaye, Susan Kaye, Dorothy Lewis, Harry Sacks, Philip Sacks, Ada Freedman, Ilanah Himmelstein, Julian (Julie) Kaplan, Meyer Kaplan, Brian (now in Oz) and his sister Jewel Rosenthal, Eugene Klatzko, Martin Chaitowitz, Hymie Symanowitz(Z”l), Ruth Seeff, Sandra Katzen (Pokroy) Robert Hershfield, Mervyn Gerszt, Bernard Kromelick, Derek Hammerschlag (I think that was his name) Wolfie Tepper, Marlene Tepper, Stanley Chitiz, Manny Magid, Melanie & Beverley Segal.

I must have been a real “chrack” in those days, coming from Ireland, funny clothes, and even funnier out-of-control curly hair, and an accent nobody could understand. I found it hard to make friends, but I eventually palled up with Gilda Goldblatt (now Galvad) , (daughter of Leslie (Z”l) and Mona Voloshen Goldblatt (O”h), from Webb Street. Leslie (Z”l) was a Choirester in Wolmarans Street Shul) and Gilda and I have remained friends to this day.

Girls at Barnato Park whom I remember offhand, Pam Ginsberg (Melzter) Pam Gladstone (Nathan), Denise Seeff, Ruth Seeff, Susan Simon, Molly Robinson, Rhona Shroder (aka Rhondie Shrondie) (Ullman) , Phyliss Goldblatt (Rubin), Geraldine Blumberg, Debbie Rabinowitz, Jacqui Hotz, Sharon Rafel (Rubin), Leah Smith, Ann Kaiser, Ann Moscow, Barbara Diane Levy, Barbara Levy, Lynette and Jennifer Margolis, Carol and Margaret Kowalsky , Gloria (Gola) Levine (Ash), Gilda and Brenda Goldblatt, Eugene Klatzko, , René Mazelle, Jill Gonski, Felicity Nathanson, Avril Kaye, Jackie Susman (Woolf) (her sisters Helen and Andy went to Athlone) . Pam Kohn, Lydia Burstein, Ada Folb, Sharon Cooperman (Fehrer) Beryl Andrews, Heather Round (Levy), Joan Gracie, Merriel Pratt, Hilda and Charlotte Brinkman, Ann Mullins, Susan Simon, Doreen Simon, Marilyn Silansky, Carole Silansky (Sands) Verite Hirshowitz, Ruth Samuel (Segal), Vivien Alexander, Renée Kunz, Lorraine Goldberg, Marilyn Silansky and her sister Carol Silansky, , Yvonne Shochet, Janet King, Pam Kewley, Adah Ben Yehuda, Roslyn Abramovitz, Joan Cooper, Bernice Frid (Vunck), Suzanne Lutrin (Resnick) (O”h), Helen Rothschild, Joyce Tischauer, Helen Leftin, Maureen Nagel (Ruskin), Gabriella Albrecht, Sharon Smith (Munitz), Pam Levy, Deborah-Ann Fanaroff, Jacky Centner (Cannon), Lydia Burstein, Ronelle Shepherd, Cynthia Muller, Marsha Sosnovick, (Jansen) Karen Israelsohn, Joan David (Elkon), Sheina & BatSheva Romm, Lorraine Nussbaum (Silver), Susan Hommell, Kela Saltzer , Barbara Beira, Shoshanna Kaplan (Kaplan) , Myrna Katz, Isobel Strasbourg (Mehl) , Isobel Thomson, Vivienne Lee, Meryl Michaelmore, Vivienne Fritz, (Head Girl) Patsy Coetzee, (Vice Head Girl) Philla Moller, Gillian Coleman, Sheena Haarhof, Glen Marshall, Naomi Tabachowich, Ailsa Bowley, Sheena Hayworth, And some girls from Mrs. Oppenheimers extra Afrikaans lessons class were, Vasiliky someone from Greece, Daria someone from Italy, Jean Smith (?) from Rhodesia, Jacqueline someone from England, Marilyn Patricia Myers from England, and teachers, Miss Todd, Roberta Evans, Miss Cohen (later Mrs. Gevisser), Miss Miles with DOG - George, Miss Langley (head), Miss Rosewarne, Miss Walmsely , Miss Hodkin, Miss Jones (Vice Head), Miss Horn, Miss Dankwerths, Miss Martin, (later Mrs. Gold), Mrs Morrison, and one or two Barnato Park Dogs, who came along to school with teachers. I think Miss Evans had a little Muttie trouping along next to her?

SCHOOLS Athlone Girls , Athlone Boys, Waverly girls, Highland’s North, Parktown Girls and Parktown Boys, Northview, Greenside High, King David Linksfield (King David Victory Park was to follow later on) Yeshiva College, Rodean, Brescia House, St. Vincents (for the hard of hearing). Helpmekaar, Damelin College, Yale College (Marcus (Marky) Luntz) , Regis College, Princeton College. Yeoville Boys, Observatory Girls, , Hyde Park, The Tech. K.E.S (King Edward School), St. Johns, Redhill, St. Stithians, Marist brothers, Yeoville Convent, Hirsch Lyons, Yiddish folk, Jeppe Boys, Jeppe Girls. H.A Jack, Jewish Government.

SCHOOL UNIFORMS. Mc Cullogh @ Bothwell.

Remember Yeoville? The Yeoville Post Office in Raleigh Street, C.N.A, the Picadilly Bioscope the Bug House (Oi) next door to Yeoville Home Industries (owned by Simon and Leah Kaufman), Kenmere Pharmacy (owned by the Marams) (next to the fruit shop in Kenmere Rd) and Yeoville Pharmacy (owned by the Joffes) (diagonally opposite the Yeoville Baths in Raleigh St.,) Yeoville Fruit and Flowers (Jorge aka George), Hill Fisheries, Crystals, Yeoville Baths, (and a swimming coach there called Bernard Green) and the Apollo Café across the road where they played pinball and the ducktails always hung around there with their chains, and motor bikes, all the Brekers. Theo Hommel (fabrics), Fitz Bakery where the OK Bazaars in Yeoville built their new shop, corner Raleigh and Bedford, diagonally opposite the Yeoville Library. And opposite where the 19 bus went into Berea and town), Hub Stores, Emdins – Haberdashery – (one or two shops down from the Apollo Café,) Denbo Jewish Bookstore, Scotch Corner! Billy’s Hairdresser in Rockey Street (near Raymond St) Faigels and the Dae-nite Pharmacy Rockey Street, cor. Bezuidenhout, Squires (clothing, school uniforms/shoes)

Portuguese Fish and Chip shop in Rockey Street, all the Tailor shops going down into Rockey Street, and Jekisons Tailors, and a guy called Bokkie Jekison who was the Tailor there (great looking bloke, with a great looking brother, I think his name was Eugene) both so easy on the eye!). Bokkie recently told someone that on the 7th April he will have been at the shop for 55 years California Tailors, and the Yeoville Recreation Center in Raleigh St, where Sandra Stein won the “Miss Yeoville” competition in about 1962 .(Bokkie Jekison died before the 7th April, suddenly, whilst out on a walk)

Water Polo at the Yeoville Baths. Richard LEE was a water-polo player, he lived in Yeo Street, Yeoville, I think. Had a brother Eric LEE. They were Highlands North school boys. Lionel GILINSKY, another water-polo player.

And does anyone remember the Purdy Boys, Neville and Leonard?

Some MORE of the YEOVILLE, CYRILDENE, OBSERVATORY people …… Jeff Wittles , Linda Shapiro, Rex Schwartz, Sharon Schwartz , Ivan Sabbath, Arnold Messias, Ivan Sandler, Louise Lazersohn , Barry Sacks, Barry Bloch, Barry Black, Michael Walldorf (Vorsie), Sonia Barsol, Gerald (Jake) Fox (Z”l) Jonny Grossmark, Vivian Stillerman, Charmian Clayton, Max Gur, Ruth Margolis, Elaine Margolis, Heather Garrun, Yvette, Esther & Naomi Sofer. Sharna & Nadja Isaacs (aka Lerman), Colin Opwald, Frances Siegenberg, Nicky & Costa Kapitanopoulos, Alfie Wood and his sister Margie Wood (now Horn), Locky Lockstone, Shirley Shtub (probably Sztab), Reuel Kaplan, Geoff (Geoffrey) Landsman (Z”l) , Reina Cohen (O’h), Sandra Stein (Ezra) , Nola Stein (Fox), Charmion Clayton, Ivor Cohen, Sandra Deitz , Spencer Hodgson, Heather Garrun, Linda Chitiz or Chitters , Marlene Teper, Leonard Kahn & his sister Maureen Kahn. (now Puterman) Maureen and her husband were one of the first people to move into a new block of flats called “La Contessa”, in Yeo & Bedford St. Yeoville) Arnie Jones, Jennifer Jones, Bernard James, Abel de Freitas, Sandra Tucker. The Griffith Girls (Virg, Bernice (Bunny) and Diane –still great friends of mine) and their brother Cedric) The Matthews Girls Hazel, and Norma, there were more sisters but I can’t remember the names) .

GREENSIDE/EMMARENTIA People, - Clifford Price, Howard Price, Brian Ruskin, and I think Barry Pillemar , Suzie & Gaby Henshel, (de Groen), June and Yalta Gervis, Suzanne & Linda Myers, Aubrey Gamsu Ada Gamsu, Maurice Hockman, Margo and Peter Philips,

HOUGHTON people. Michael, Brian & Jennifer Lever, Molly Robinson, Harry & Philip Sacks, Sharon Smith (Munitz)

HIGHLANDS NORTH People. - Brian, Stanley & Karen Feinstein (Joseph), Max Schiff (O”h)

WHO REMEMBERS - Hymie Brest, (Mayfair/ Kensington) and his friend (to this day) Alec Ross (Bez Valley). Certainly part of the “Main Manne” crowd.

ONLY IN SOUTH AFRICA …………………………………

Where’re you okes jolling to? Jollers. Lekker Jol.

Where are your folks tonight.

Volkspeeler. The Sakkie sakkie

I’m only chaafing, man? Sweet Obeet.!! Lekker soos ‘n krekker (cracker)

Wat ‘s goedkoop is duur koop. Stille water – Diepe grond,

Eina! Skyfies. Veldskoene. Breekers.

Don’t tune me Chandies

Check that little lightie, he’s two bricks and a tickey high

Ever since Pa fell off the bus.

Give me a bell, hey? Bell me. Love you stax. I’ll fetch you just now

African women sitting on the street corners calling out HEY Mielieeeeee - Tickey Mielieeeeeeeee.

Vrystaat!

Vat hom Fluffy.

I’ve got Sut.

They’re so larnie!

My ou’ man is giving me uphill

My Skattebol.

I feel up to Paw-Paw. I feel up to Maggots.

‘Strue’s Bob…?? No….. You LIE !!!

SHOT !!!!!!!! (SHOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT)

Skit ‘n donner (donder) (the movies)

And Observatory café where boys played pinball and they had ‘Pennyline Sweets’ where you could buy 2 for a penny and cafés had Jukeboxes . Remember the old 78 records (those were in the fifties though) and then the LPs - wow, and when those came out we thought we’d died and gone to Heaven, and the 45 speed records. Cassettes, and tape recorders, reel-to-reel tape-recorders (I still have one).

Boys had a way of walking, hands in pockets, only the thumbs visable and rolled from side to side with a sort of rolling gait, and the more they rolled as they walked, the more macho they felt!

Who remembers ????…… Debras (Schmaltz), and when a tub of Yoghurt cost 8c, and an Appleltizer cost the same, a bar of Cadburys chocolate cost 5c and there was a chocolate bar called “Honeycrisp” also for 5c, and you could get a Toasted Cheese for 15c. Stamps cost 2½ cents . If you left the envelope open, it was cheaper… Airletter forms in green, airmail writing paper, airmail envelopes and Basildon Bond writing paper.

STREETS in Yeoville/ Bellevue, - Raleigh St, Rockey St, Bezuidenhout St., Isipingo St., Raymond St , Hopkins St, Yeo St, Kenmere Rd, Fort��sque Rd, Becker St, Cavendish Rd, Bedford Rd, Webb St, Natal St, Isipingo, St. Georges Rd, Ellis St.,

YEOVILLE BOXING CLUB - Sammy Samson and his son Cedric who sang as a child, and he had a group at some stage called “the FireFlies” I think Alan Goldstein who was also a child singer may well have been part of that band ( later known as Alan Gold) .

How many people remember……. The Black Steer in Yeoville - fab apple crumble and double thick cream and in the 1960s the price of a Steerburger, with Pickled Cucumber, fried onions and salad was 45c ……….but at the Golden Spur, the Burger would cost you 50c and the Yeoville crowd felt that was too expensive!) Norman’s Grill (for Prawns!) in the Jeppe Hotel. East Africa Pavilion (well known for it’s curries, where the waiters wore a red “fez”, The 252 Tavern. His Majesty’s Cellars, 69 Grill.

and Kosher - Connoisseur Hotel,(Gloria Rootshtain) (long gone)

And remember- The Rosenkowitz 6 from Cape Town, first surviving Sextuplets in the World

And when Arcadia (Jewish Orphanage and Home for Jewish children) was in Forestown

DAENITE Pharmacy, Orange Grove. Owned by Chookie BRENNER . and the okes that worked there, Mervin Rappoport, Issy Peimer, Cecil Chweidan (O”h), Ivan Dorff, Solly Branstein, and a girl called Lola but I can’t remember her surname. And Dr. Chris Barnard, (Heart Transplants Groote Schuur Hospital, Cape Town)

And the …… the motor racing at Kyalami Race Track

And the Motor Rallys?. Anyone remember Lionel Gilinsky? He raced something called “Production cars” in “Endurance Races” at Old Grand Central Circuit ( Halfway House, now called Midrand) in the late 60’s and 70’s - and later “Historic” Cars at Kyalami Race Track. He was known to be amongst South Africa’s Top 3 Racing and Motor rally drivers in the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. Not bad for a boy from Welkom!!

Attorneys. - Moss Morris & Ettlinger, (Lennie Ettlinger, Max Levenberg, Selwyn Cohen, Hilliard Gordon, articled clerks then - Rodney Berman and John Gilbert, Also a Selwyn someone articled clerk). Routlege Douglas Wilson Auret & Wimble, Wides , Chain & Berman (Cyril Wides, Inky (Ian) Chain and Rodney Berman), Edward Nathan. Israel, During & Kossuth

Tour Operators - Springbok (Atlas) Safaris, (Julie Lapedus).

Accountants. Sussman and Lange (Trevor Sussman and David Lange) (cousin of Myron Lange, the Surgeon) later known as Sussman Goddard.

HILLBROW. We always went to The Curzon and Clarendon for 7/6- , ( later 75c,) and then a Bioscope called the International (owned by Herman and Maxwell Youngelson) was opened at the top of Pretoria Street and there it would cost you between 90c and R1.00, but the seats were so comfy and the whole bioscope was so plush, that the Yeovillites felt it was well worth the extra.

Anyone remember The French Hairdressing Saloon (a Mrs. Sher was the manageress) and the OK Bazaars and Carnival Novelty.

ONLY IN SOUTH AFRICA ………………………….

I’m going for a goof this arvy. ‘Scopes, Flicks, Flik, What’s the “Aggie”?

Hy het haar uitgeskop, verstaan jy my?

Check my new jammy!

We going to Durbs with the car, probably see lots of ‘Vaalies there, all the ou toppies, tannies and ooms, nie waar nie?

My ol’ lady! My ol’ man.

My broer ! My sussie. My Ouma, My Oupa

Knobkerrie. Sjambok

It’s so hot, I’m vrekking off here.

D’is Baie Mooi

He lives in the Gramadoelas….

She lives in the Bundu…

The Dingas

I was with Ruth, Heather and them

Drink your SUP !! there’s a plate on the Zinc

Let’s make a plan…..

Cows give us MULK!

My one aunt My one leg, My one arm, My one finger My one toe

Broekies

The word “THE. ” I learned in school that before a consonant we say “THE” . “THE” bed, “THE” table, “THE” book. And before a vowel the have to prounce the “the” as “THEE”……………. “THEE” Apple, “THEE” elephant, “THEE” egg.

So why then, do we hear (only in South Africa) people saying “THUH” apple, “THUH” Elephant, “THUH” egg. Please hold for “THUH” Operator. And why do some of us say “the PHOTA” when it is clearly “PHOTO”.

FOLKSINGING Era . Who remembers the Nite beat, run by Abe (who ran the tuck shop at the Yeoville Swimming Pool), and the folk-singers Ian & Ritchie ( Ian Lawrence and Ritchie Morris), Des and Dawn (Lindberg)(“And the Seagull’s name was Nelson”) (Dawn wore her hair in two pigtails then) Colin Shamley, Dave Marks (“Mountains of Men” and “Master Jack”) Cornelia, And The Troubador, The College Set - Andy Levy, Hugh Solomon, Norman Cohen) Keith Blundell and the Baladeers, Aubrey and Beryl Ellis. Mervyn and Jocelyn Miller (from Potch). Mel, Mel and Julian (Mel Miller, Mel Green, and Julian Laxton.

BIKERS and the Hell’s Angels, wearing black leather jackets, chains and the peace sign often around their necks, roaring down Pretoria St and Kotze St on Harley Davidsons making a helluva racket, some of the more nervous Biker girls precariously hanging onto their boyfriend’s backs, but “the in girls” didn’t hold on, they somehow balanced themselves by placing their hands nonchelantly behind the seat, looking around, throwing their hair back, with a “don’t- sig–with- me” look, lazer- beam- eyes, -looking–out- through- thick- black- fringes, and a tattoo here and there.

And nobody did “sig” with them, either.

The FLYING SAUCER is where they all met. Pretoria Street, Hillbrow.

Hillbrow’s Eateries and Coffee Bars Doney’s coffee bar for the best cappuccino in town (who remembers Jeftah and George, the Duke) Café Wien (later on), with the most comfortable seats, it was like sitting in your own lounge, Café Krantzler, Dunk-a-donut, The Milky Lane, the Florian (where the bus turned to go down Twist street to Town). Mi Vami, Lucky Luke (Steak House in the 70s), Fontana, open 24 hours a day, (famous for their chickens roasted on a spit,) Pikin-a-chicken, Porter House (Frulatto and the best Pink Sauce in town) not to mention the steaks (not that I ate them being one of the Kosher Kids, but I was sorely tempted, HA HA HA) and the German Beer Keller, The Hamburger Hut, Golden Egg, Bella Napoli. Kiss-Kiss.

The CHEZA in Jeppe Street. Famous for Muesli.

HAIR STYLES and fashion. We dyed our hair black with Palette where you dropped a white tablet into some black gunky muck and we all had pitch black hair. The Blacker your hair, the more “sharp” you were. We teased it and wore it in Wings, and the bigger the Wings were, the more “with it” you were. And remember the stiff petticoats under your many Flared skirts, and cat-eye glasses? Helanca stove-pipes, in all colours. Studded Belts, Box Pleated skirts, and ID Bracelets (with your boyfriend’s name engraved on the inside), Plaid pinafores came later on, and a ridiculous little narrow velvet bow on a clip or hairgrip which we found a space for in the teased bird’s nest, usually just to the back of the fringe. And also a thin chiffon scarf tied around the hair. White high-heeled shoes (I wouldn’t be seen dead in half the things we wore then)

My Mom always said that my hair was like a Bird’s Nest at the back, but then I didn’t have eyes at the back of my head, (just as well). Boys wore their hair sleeked back with Brylcream and Vitalis and all bought their t-shirts from the Skipper Bar. (Arnie, Mervyn, Earle and Barry Sacks) Black t-shirts with thin white and red stripes around the neck. And a corresponding white tee-shirt, with black and red stripes. If you didn’t have one of those, you were not one of the “in” boys!!!!

And then girls started to iron their hair. I remember my Mother used to plonk my head onto the ironing board, and put a brown paper bag on top of it, and iron away until I had sleek straight hair, but then the minute it rained, I looked at though someone has plugged me into an electric socket…. Durbs did the same to all those who had out-of-control hair - Frizzed them out in 2 mns flat, in fact as soon as you got to Van Reenen’s Pass into Natal, you knew you were there because your hair suddenly was on its own mission……..

and who Whirled their hair????? Oy - a bittereh gelechter….. We whirled it One way, then the other way, and you had dead straight hair (until you hit the 505 Club and the first thing you’d notice is that your fringe was just “not there” anymore) and the rest of your poor hair style was all moving in different directions. If it was raining, and you opened your front door, bang went the straight hair.

Remember those little DOEKs we wore on our head when we went to Durbs. I have a photo of myself wearing one.

COME ON GIRLS - who used to sleep with curlers/rollers in their hair!! and who remembers using the inside of a TOILET ROLL as an emergency roller??????? And all this lot would be covered over by a hairnet. Of course morning brought a splitter- of- a- headache from the curlers digging into your head. Anyone remember? Bet you do!!! I DO!! There you are, the big ADMIT………. What on EARTH did we look like? I don’t even want to think about it …………………

I always say that if I have to come back in another life, I want to come back as ME but with dead straight hair. Second choice, I wouldn’t mind coming back as one of my spoilt-out-of-control Dachshunds either (but the straight haired type, not the wiry haired) (ha ha)

GYM: Bodybuilders, weight-lifters and wannabes came strutting out of Gyms such as Sam Busa and Monte Osher all fit and glistening, with huge shoulder muscles, and killer smiles - carrying black gym bags. And Reg Park’s Gym, ALSO somewhere in Hillbrow.

YOGA: Mannie and Alan FINGER, Nina OBEL

MODEL AGENCIES: . Stella Grove and Gianna Pizanello

DANCING STUDIOS and DANCERS: Natalie Stern the late Mercedes Molina, Jeffrey Neiman (Enrique Segovia) & Rhoda Rifkin, Bernice Hotz , Gitanella (Spanish, Ballet,) Shirley Klitzner (O”h) (later in the 70s Hilary Etkind - taught with Rhoda and Jeffrey) (anyone who ever loved Spanish dancing, will remember Mercedes Molina/ Jeffrey Neiman as a brilliant dance duo) (and will remember the very sad passing away of Shirley Klitzner (O”h) when she was barely into her twenties).

PHOTOGRAPHERS. Maurice, Kurt Slesinger, Karklin, when it was fashionable to stand your wedding photo on an small easel on the floor. Either carpet or parquet flooring. Stella Nova .

RUGBY. Alan MENTER Springbok Flyhalf, and Sid NOMIS Springbok - Center, and later Wing), Alan is married to Pam (ex Pretoria) and his Brothers are Brian, Robert (Robbie) and Mandy (Malcolm (Z”l)) Menter. Their Mom Esmé (O”h) grew up with mine, in Dublin. Syd is married to Ann.

CRICKET. Dr. Ali BACHER former South African cricket captain and one of the greastet cricketers in South Africa. Ali BACHER received South Africa’s Sports Merit Award, the country’s HIGHEST athletics honour. Ali is married to Shira (I am friendly with Shira’s sister Marsha KARKLIN,) and I remember their daughter Ann being a Tennis champion when she was just a little kid of 11 in the days of the “Jewish Guild” Other well known South African Jewish cricketers came later on, Mandy YACHAD , and later Adam BACHER, nephew of Dr. Ali Bacher

TYPEWRITERS. My first memory of a type writer was that old black thing with with a keyboard with round circular lettering and a typewriter ribbon. My Mom used one in Dublin, Then I remember the Olivetti and also a swiss typewriter, but the ones where you would have to bash a silver thing on the upper right to go to a new line. I remember electric typewriters, and using a white powdery Tippex thing for covering up mistakes, except that they never quite covered them up, particularly on the carbon copies. And remember the carbon copies.. HA HA, and when I worked for lawyers, they didn’t allow those tippex rub-outs, so one little mistake and you had to start all over again. Remember STENCILS and Roneo-ing various blurb. I can remember using a bright shocking pink liquid with the stencils, I think. We wrote to “Messers. So and so”, and we’d end off with “ I remain, Yours Faithfully”

WEDDINGS and when the Bride/Kallah would change into her “going away outfit” and the blissful couple would leave the wedding to go off on their honeymoon. When Bride’s kept their vails on the entire night. When there were only 4 pole-holders and the Bride’s parents paid for the entire wedding, and the Groom/Chossen’s parents would pay for the booze, the photographer and the flowers.

THE CIRCUS Boswell-Wilkie. I hated the circus, terrified of the animals and sorry for them at the same time, a hypnotized crocodile once got out- of- control and strarted climbing out of the ring into the screaming audience. Clowns clowning around were never my scene, and when the trapeze artists or the tight-rope walkers did their act, my heart was always in my mouth, terrified they would fall or something. One did once, I can never get that memory out of my mind.

ONLY IN SOUTH AFRICA ……………………………………

I dopped my exams and my folks are having a cadenza - *Snot ’n trana all round ….. (*Yiddish Equivalent is Vainin ‘n Kloggin, well, that is the Yiddish we used in Ireland).

Chips, here comes the Teacher.

I’ll have a dop of brandy.

Ops me a pencil.

Baie Dankie…….. hoor! Aseblieftog!

Plaasjapie.

Safe my mate !!!! (and the hand movement – very important) - forefinger/little finger pointed up while thumb was holding middle/ ring finger down) - done with a wag-type-movement, like fast- mode windscreen wipers.

We’re Chommies

Cheers!

There’s a Miggie in my room.

Kyk daai (Daardie) Goggoh (as in insect, not as in “GOGO” - Zulu for Granny)

Boeremeisie. Mevrou, Mejuffrou/Juffrou, Meneer

Kyk na daardie lelike ding………………

Kombi

Gooi

Waneer u die syn hoor, is dit agtien uur, twee en vyftig minute en dertig sekondes…………..

Around 1964 came the Beatles, (“8 days a week”, “Love Love me do” and later, “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s club Band” “Hey Jude”) The Rolling Stones, (Angie) the Mini Skirt era and Mary Quant and the birth of the Discothèque . Op Art earings in gaudy colours and the skirts continued to get shorter. Girls wore double breasted Pin stripe suits which made a come back. The Boutiques were born. I remember the BENATER family had a great boutique “Carnabies”, at the top of Rissik Street, or near there. It was, I think, the first shop of it’s kind. Very modern, trendy and for the young (20s and 30s). And the Pink Panther was in Hillbrow - Also very trendy gear.

Remember Twiggy?………. She was on every Magazine cover, often holding her Teddy Bear, feet pidgeon-toed, with beautiful big brown eyes, and a body so thin, she could fit through a crack in the wall. She started a trend, her, and “the Shrimp” - (Jean Shrimpton), and Mary Quant.

AND Op Art Earings in strange shapes and gaudy colours, shorter skirts, and flattie shoes.

The First Disco was at the Summit Club, Marrakech, (around 1966) with Go-Go dancers Dixie, Felicity Fouché, and Christine all dancing away in the micro-est of Mini-Skirts. Johnny Martin (previously known as Martin Raff) was the owner, and I heard he also owned a club called 007.

Someone called Neville Peacock was the Marrakech DJ and there were psychdelic and ultra violet lights and if you stood under the latter, all your “klein-goed” shone like a beacon for all to see.

And the 505 also in Hillbrow. Eddie Eckstein and Paul Ditchfield - The Bats played there on a Sunday ), and the Diamonds and Gene Rockwell (Heart!”) as did the Basemen (Ronnie Cline on Keyboard, Ralph Simon – Singer, Rodney Caines – Bass Guitar, Leon Bilewitz – drummer and Irwin Kalis – Lead Guitar) and Clive Calder, (Les Markowitz on drums) also played at “Club-a-go-go” and also they toured around the countryside and played at various venues.

Also Johnny Congos (“Sealed with a Kiss”), Johnny and the G-Men, and Johnny Sharp, 4 Jacks and a Jill. The Staccatos. Did I mention Manfred Mann? (“pretty Flamingo”)

MORE CLUBS - TJ’s (town) and The Yellow Submarine (Hillbrow) (owned by Martin HART) and the Boat (Buccleuch) were in the latter part of the sixties and the Downstairs later called The Purple Marmalade somewhere in Hillbrow. Another Disco was owned by George McCauley, brother of Ray, opposite Joubert Park (Club-A-Go-Go), His Granny worked in the tuckshop and was always so nice to everyone. The Band there was the “Falling Leaves” and George was in the Band. The Electric Circus, And Raffles , a very fancy disco/restaurant but that was in the late 70s. Owned by Dave Kerney. (I think). The Stable in Jan Smuts Avenue. The Out of Town Club

And who remembers the other Bioscopes - The Colosseum with the twinkling lights, Cliff Richard sang there once, and a few girls from Barnato Park were expelled for bunking school and going to his concerts. His Majestys, Monte Carlo (French Movies), The Empire, 20th Cen. Fox - Pritchard Street, Cinerama (Claim and Noord) In those days there was an interval after the News and the Cartoons, and Usherettes would be standing at each exit with a tray with all the Munchies and Chocolates, cold-drinks, etc. The Apollo in Doornfontein. I’ve already mentioned the Yeoville Bioscopes earlier on. Who remembers the “Midnight Shows” the Astra and the Victory in Orange Grove, The Rex in Greenside. The Plaza, the Bijou in town and some flea-bitten run down Café Bio which no decent self-respecting girl would touch with a barge-pole, but I can’t remember it. A lot of the Yale College boys went there. But not the girls!!!!

People smoked in the bioscopes (“scopes”) then and when you looked up, you saw it all swirling around in smoke from the projector. Nice and healthy!! but nobody ever noticed it. It was just a part of life in the sixties.

REMEMBER WHEN ………. we went to Bioscope on a Saturday night, dressed up in your A-line dress, or a Box- Pleated skirt, or tiny hound’s-tooth straight skirt in black/white and your black patent high-heeled shoes, with a Black Patent leather bag to match, and your gloves (which you carried in your hand). And later you wore your Dress with the shorter hemline, Mini-Skirts, and your “A-line evening coat” (Jackie Kennedy), just on the knee, and your flattie shoes, the hair teased up to the high heavens and lacquered so heavily that if it rained, you looked like glue. (Boys hated teased and lacquered hair)

And the boys wore jarmins and Elvis Presley hair-styles with thin ties made of nylon or similar in a machine-crochet style. (Later when the Beatles came in, boys’ hairstyles changed forever, and no boy would be seen dead with Brylcream or Vitalis plastered on his head). Boys would never previously been seen in pastel colours, but the Beatles changed all those dark shirts for pink, mauve and lemon, with a pin collar near the tie.

Boys would buy you a 75c box of Black Magic chocolate at Interval. If you put it into your black patent leather handbag and never offered him one, then your name was mud, and girls judged boys by whether they opened the car door for you …. or not!

AND SOME OF THE MOVIE STARS …., Natalie Wood, Kathryn Hepburn, Rock Hudson, Doris Day, Steve McQueen, Sohia Loren, Alain Delon (the heart-throb of the 60’s) (who remembers him in “Purple noon”) Gina Lollobridgida, Raquel Welsh, Bridgitte Bardot, Ursula Andress, Warren Beatty, Jack Nicholson (One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest), Shirley McLaine, Julie Christie, Michael Caine, Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton, Paul Newman, Sal Mineo, Suzanne Pleshette, Richard Burton, Sean Connery, Omar Sharif, Charlton Heston, Gregory Peck (to die for?) James Dean

POPULAR MOVIES. West side story, King Kong, Gone with the Wind, Exodus, Dr. No, *From Russia with Love, * (Remember in that movie, the Russian woman (was her name someone KREBBS?) who had a knife come out of her boot and it shot straight into poor Sean Connery’s shin bone. EINA! Just thinking about it, hurts me) Bridge on the River Kwai, Dr. Zhivago, Goldfinger, (it had a great theme song in it by I think Shirley Bassey) Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, Annie Get your Gun, Dingaka.

And the DRIVE INs Old Pta Road - Jhb Drive in, The 5-Star (Eloff St.Ext), The Velskoen (If a girl was seen at the drive in with a boy, she got a “bad name” and the same for the Café Bio’s. It was just not for a nice Jewish girl!!

REMEMBER WHEN ….. there was NO Bioscope on Sunday nights

THEATRES. Alhambra (Doornfontein) , Brian Brooke (Braamfontein), Market Theatre ( Newtown), Alexander theater , Jacques Brel, Apollo (Doornfontein).

Remember the Adverts for all the Cigarettes, Players, Craven "A", Dunhill (remember the maroon Rolls Royce?) Benson & Hedges (Gold) , Lexington (That’s the one!), Gunston (remember him on a raft, all macho,manly, unshaven and rough and ready tumbling through impossible rivers?) Horseshoe Tobacco, Gold Dollar, Texan, (which the boys would hold between their thumb and middle finger) Lucky Strike, Gauloise and Peter Stuyvesant (for the fun lovers, remember the wonderful places they went to and the great clothes they wore, swimming in glorious lagoons, skiing down snow-capped mountains, all the beautiful people,all having wonderful fun?) I never smoked,(well, I have to say that, in case my family read this article, ha ha) but after I watched the Peter Stuyvesant adverts, I really felt like buying a packet , so that I too, could go to all those magical places, and I’d look glamerous too, HA HA - (the power of advertising!) (A Bittereh Gelechter!!)

But it just looked so “in” to see people smoking, and girls would hold the cigarettes at the tips of their fingers, and waved their hands for effect as they spoke, shaking their fringes out of their eyes. People who didn’t smoke, were “squares”.

I remember Celeste GREENBLATT, taught me how to apply black pencil inside my eyelids, and ‘base” onto my face and to wear white lipstick and I taught Sandra STEIN (later Ezra) to dye her hair black, and the blacker the better, (her Mother had a FIT) - Golda (née Kaufman) (O”h) whom I saw yearly in LA and she never failed to remind me !

FLORA and FAUNA in South Africa. I remember once being enthralled by the most magnificent yellow creeper we had growing on the fence in Becker Street. I took photos of it, and sent it to my friends in Dublin to show the exotic flora and fauna is this beautiful sunny South Africa, until Michael GOLDING next door, laughed his head off and said “but that’s only Canary Creeper, it’s not much better than a common garden weed”!! African Violets, Jasmin, Golden Shower, Begonia Sherera, Bougainvillea, Pointsettia, Birds of Paradise, Cycads?. Maybe they do grow overseas too.

PARTIES in Observatory, Cyrildene and Dewetshof. We rock ‘n rolled to Elvis Presley’s “Jail house rock” & “Don’t step on my blue suede shoes”, “Rock around the Clock” in our flared skirts with stiff petticoats underneath, the more the better, and huge belts around our waists, and we wore flat shoes (75c at Maram’s chemist, and 95c for the leopard skin ones). And later we twisted with Chubby Checker (Let’s Twist again, like we did last summer ) We also did a dance called the Shake – anyone remember the song “I’ll do the Shake, the hippy- hippy shake” and also a dance called the Madison.

The Bez Valley Ou’s, on a Sat night Jol, and the Lebs would sometimes gatecrash. Usually a Scuffle and the girl’s father would have to ask them to leave. Sometimes, in stubborn cases the police would have to be called in to skop them all out. And then the party continued on, Little Richard, Cliff Richard, - sometimes a few of the kids would have a bit of “dagga”, (a zol), on the stoep or in the back garden when they thought nobody was looking, and the only way anyone kopped on was because they would come back to the party with a manic laugh, and red eyes. (and of course the smell, but if you admitted to knowing the smell, then it meant you were a dagga smoker yourself!) Trini Lopez. “If I had a hammer”

SOCIALS at Oxford Shul, The Vrede Hall, Yeoville Recreation Center, Temple Shalom, and Bands like “Dinkie and the Deans” - Jake (Gerald) Fox (Z”l) (rhythm Guitar), Barry Sacks (Lead Guitar), Spencer Hodgson (Bass guitar) and Errol Sack on the drums, would play, they also played at the Club 505 in “the Brow”. Peter Lotus well known Jhb Disc Jockey, I think he sang as well. Lots of singers used to go to Margo’s on a Sunday Afternoon, and the crowd would all hot-foot it out there after them to hear music. I think it was Bapsfontein, or near there). There was little else to do on a Sunday, so many places were closed. Just remembered another band, Dave Levine and the Swinging Angels. Les Gutfreund was one of the band and made a name for himself as Les Goode. “Dickie Loader and the Blue Jeans” Gene Rockwell – Heart.

NIGHT CLUBS and Bands. Bennie Michaels, Archie Silansky and his daughter Carole Sands The Coconut Grove at the Orange Grove Hotel, Dan Hill (Ichilchik), The Colony at the Hyde Park Hotel, Sardi’s, The Mediteranean (I Cinque di Roma), Diamond Horseshoe, The Greek Taverna, Ciro’s (Kruis Street)

STORES. John Orrs, The Belfast, Greatermans, ABC Shoes, Dodo’s, Barnes Shoes, Ackermans, Ansteys later Garlics, Katz & Lourie, Mr. Man, Man about Town, Stuttafords, Woolworths, Deans Mans’ shop, Skipper Bar, O.K Bazaars, Cuthberts, Markhams, Millews, K. Marks ( curtains), Juta's, Bothner & Polliack (records, Henri Lidji Gallery, Derbers Furs, FDF (Fruit & Dried Fruits) Vanité (Ladies clothes) Bradlows, Geen & Richards, Shepherd & Barker (Furniture), CAN, Jaffs (Fabrics), Mosenthals, Dicks (Sweets) - Rissik Street, and later on Morkels, your two year guarantee store! Putzys. McCullogh & Bothwell (School Uniforms).

REMEMBER WHEN we would get all dressed up to go to town, to have tea at Ansteys sitting alongside Ladies in beautiful outfits, white gloves, smart, elegant, men in suits, with white shirts and ties

MUSIC Soul music was popular in the 60s, Aretha Franklin, Jimi Hendrix, Carla Thomas, Otis Redding (“sitting on the Dock of the Bay”), Percy Sledge (“ Midnight Hour”, and Music from Brasil, Sérgio Mendes, Herb Alpert and the Tijuana brass.

And of course, Johnny Mathis, Charles Aznavour, Simon and Garfunkel, José Feliciano

And …. REMEMBER WHEN , our Mothers would ring a little bell at suppertime, and the “servant” (oi, how COULD we have??) would come in with the next course. And when your “boy” did the garden and the “girl” cooked.

SHULS Lions Shul (Doornfontein), Wolmarans street ( Rabbi Rabinowitz 50’s and 60’s, then Chief Rabbi Casper) Yeoville Shul (Rabbi Lapin), Adas Yeshuran (Yeoville) , The Bnei Akiva Shul (Raleigh Street), Greenside Shul, Emmerentia, Fordsburg, Sydenham Highlands North, Mayfair (Rabbi Zagenov) , Kensington Shul (Rabbi Rabinowitz), The Curve (Observatory), Berea Shul (Rabbi Bender and Rabbi Aloy), Oxford Shul (Rabbi Bernhard), Chassidic Shul (Rabbi Lipskar) Cyrildene, Temple Emanuel (? and Rabbi Assabi), Temple Israel (Rabbi Super), Temple Shalom, Temple Beth-El (Rabbi Ben Isaacson) Sandton Shul (BHH) Rabbi ZS Suchard (but that was in the 70’s) Yeo Street Shul. Reverend Symanovitz from Yeoville Beth Din. The Beth Din was in Raleigh Street then.

CHAZONIM. Chazen Hass, Chazen Bagley, Chazen Dudu Fisher (1970s early 80’s), Chazen Johnny Glück (Wolmarans) in the eighties (Choirmaster Prof. David Cohen). Chazen Hasdan, (Warmbaths) Chazen Badash, (Yeoville, Choirmaster *Malovany) Chazan Mandel (Berea Shul) – Gus Levy choirmaster. (* a world reknowned Chazen - I did attend a concert of his here in Jhb a number of years ago), Chazen Berele Chagy

Yeoville Shul Choir, Lionel Levin, Kenny and Colin Koransky and their father, Natie Koransky, Martin Harris, Len Bobroff, Stanley Feinstein, Brian Feinstein, Robert Lapedus, David Shapiro. The Choirmaster was Mr. Himmelstein, I think his son Lior, was in the Choir too. Colin Opwald. Benny Lipchick (Z”l)

KIDS at the Yeoville Shul…. Percy Suntup, Fivie (Phillip) and Hymie (Z”l) Symanowitz, Olga Berelowitz, Joan Morris, Karen Feinstein, Linda and Stanley Chitiz, Wolfie and Marlene Teper, me and my Boet, Robert Lapedus, Gillian Erster and her brother Moishe Erster, Naomi Shapiro, Marilyn & Sheila Atkins, David Shapiro, Rhoda Shapiro, Jenny Winnick, Alan Kaye, Philip Eliason, Sheila Hahn and Irma Keifer I remember David and Daniel Lapin, ( Rabbi Lapin’s sons) being at the Shul .

Beni Akiva and Habonim Camps. Betar. Hashomer Ha’tza-ir (spelling, whoops!!)

AND REMEMBER WHEN the only children at a barmitzvah function were the Barmitzvah boy and his siblings, who were allowed to stay up for the night. The entire Simcha was for adults and the only time you heard the Barmi boy, was when he made his speech. Robert’s Barmitzvah was a Kiddush at home after Shul, and a “tea” that evening for a few friends of my Parents. Many kids had that kind of Barmi. Who knew then from Theme Barmitzvahs.

AND …..When Children were children, and played snakes and ladders, and ludo, dominoes, monopoly, yo-yo’s, and they read out of the Local Libraries and they played Cowboys and Indians, ( just entertained themselves. No Video games, computers, cell phones, I-pods, Electronic everything… and No TV then either.

BANKS and Building Societies. Barclays, Volkskas Bank, Allied Building Society, SA Perm(inent) The UBS (United Building Society) SA Perm, NBS (Natal Building Society) Trust Bank

ONLY IN SOUTH AFRICA ……………………………….

J’’’’enesburg!

Ag Shame, man, were you home stokkies aleen??

Wikkel. Sikkel. I’ve got no tom, hey?

Koeksusters. Konfyt. Biltong. Vet-koek. Braaivleis.

Boerevors en Pap. Poitjiekos. Mielie. Rooibos Tea.

Grondboontjiebotter

Ouma se Rusks. Fanny Farmers

“Hau”

The Tokoloshe is coming… Dorp ! Pandotjie!

He rocked up in an old Skedonk.

Question. Hallo Meneer………. Hoe Gaan Dit met jou vandag?.

Answer. Ag , No….. Fine ….Jaaaaa,………. Kan nie Klaar Nie !

My Oom se Bakkie

My Gran did the “Charlston”, but that was back in Nineteen voetsak

Why are you still Gaan-ing on? you Poepal !!

He is so Grotty….. A real Dweet …….A Drip.

It’s …Kwaai. It’s …. Skarm.

HOTELS : The Carlton (original Carlton) , Moulin Rouge, The Chelsea Hotel (Hillbrow) (I think this is where the Jacques BREL theatre was) Casa Mia, Langham , Gresham, the Jeppe Hotel (Norman’s Grill) Victoria ( Plein Street near Station), Criterion , Landrost hotel (Anabelles nightclub). Tollman Towers – (next to Jeppe Street Post Office), The President Hotel (Eloff Street), Anlar Hotel (Hillbrow), Courtleigh Hotel (Berea), Jocelyn Residential Hotel (Claim Street Joubert Park), the Quirinal, Waldorf , and Balalaika which was then way out in the “country” - Sandown, which is today, a hub of activity. The Skyline, The Capri and The Park Royal

SQUAD CARS. HOT RODS and the name Buddy Fuller comes into my head for some reason.

MOTORTOWN. Remember when all the motor dealerships were in Eloff Street, Ext. Motortown. And names like Rillstone Motors (Agents for the Simca), Lawson Motors, (Agents for Volvo), Lucy’s Motors (Katz) (Agents for Fiat), Curries Motors, Grosvenor Motors ( Agents for Ford), Sydney Clow (Agents for Peugeot), and a dealeship in Anderson Street called T.A.K. Motors, (Agents for Lancia and Ferrari), Ronnie Bass, (Sigma)

And then Main Street became the used car center for Jhb. Austin , Chevrolet, Mercury, Buick, Dodge, Morris Minor, Mini Minor, Hillman Minx, Ford Fairlane, Vauxhall Victor, Ford Cortina, (Ford) Zeyphyr, Sunbeam. Killarney Toyota. Lionel Gilinsky (Pilot, Motor Rally Driver/Racer) Brenner Toyota in Braamfontein, Chookie Brenner

PETROL Shell, BP, Mobil (Engen), Sasol, Trek, Caltex, Total,

REMEMBER WHEN Milk was delivered to the house????, in proper Milkbottles with red tinfoil caps, and the cream would be all at the top of the bottle? And Nel’s Rust Dairy in Victory Park.

DOORNFONTEIN. – Apollo Cinema near Crystals, Crystals, Beit Street (who later moved to Yeoville) Wachenheimers, Goldenbergs, and Nussbaums, all in Beit Street, and Dairy Alhambra (Zama Levine) - opposite the Alhambra Theatre in Beit Street. Zama Levine had the shop for about 40 years (according to his daughter Gloria Levine Ash). Gloria’s mom was from the ICHILCHIK family (Dan Hill and Gloria’s Mom, Emma Ichilchik Levine (a cellist) were siblings. Dembo’s in Beit Street. The famous sculptor Anton Von Wouw lived next door to the Alhambra and opposite Gloria Levine’s (Ash) Grandfather, Mr. Ichilchik in Doornfontein. American Café for ice-cream, Sour Kraut, Hot Dogs, Millers Antiques on Simert Road. Campbells. Cohen’s Café. And Ellis Park.

Doornfontein Streets Beit Street, Siemert Road, Siveright Avenue.

And Segall’s Sausages (Alf Segall) (spelling?). Kerk Street, York House.

ROADHOUSES. Dolls House (Highlands North), Casablanca (Nugget Hilll) Dakota (Crown Mines), and Uncle Charlies.

Ice CREAM. Papagallo.

WITS RAG Down Eloff Street, with the floats, remember? and the Rag Queens and Princesses. I remember one particular Jewish Rag Princess of 1971, and still a beautiful girl to this day - Blond hair, gorgeous and looks like she just stepped out of vogue magazine - June Gervis ( - two sons, Grant and Richard Reichlin, both of whom were at school with my children, Angela and Gregory Brest)

ONLY IN SOUTH AFRICA ………………………………..

“She took me around” Around where?

And what about “See that ou?? - he threw me with (wif) a stone”

The Spanspek is Vrot!

Takkies.

Ag Dame! …………………..

Listen, Lady ………………

And how many South.Africans when they first arrived in America, England, Australia, Israel etc talked about taking their “costume” or “Cozzie” to the Beach.

She’s the most prettiest girl.

My ou’ man caught me smoking dagga, hey, and I got such a SKRIK.

I bumped her on the corner of Cavendish and Becker Streets

I didn’t scale anything

*Spek and Eiers ( *Just because I know the name, doesn’t mean I’ve eaten it, see !)

Ek is a Ware Suid Afrikaaner.

Melktert! Guavas, Grenadilsh!! Marmite, Anchovette Paste, Jungle Oats.

Comment - That bike is Kwaai, so lekker…. Answering comment - MOH-SELFFFFFFF

YIDDISH/Jewish sayings - In alle Schvartze Yohren, He lives in Alle Drerderin, Meerskeit, Fahrpackt, Fahrkakte, Fahrkrimpt, Fahrbrempt, Fahrshtunkender, Farrible (Litvak word, in other countries they talk about a “Broigas”) He’s a Shlemazzel, He’s a Hundt, He’s a Chaleria, He’s a Peruvian, He’s a Shlemiel, … a Chazzer …. a Mamzer, She’s a plapper…. a Yenta, Gei n Drerd, Vos Macht Tzu?, Shreklich, Chader (not the Chader where we learned Hebrew or Barmitzvahs) , Kitke, Lax (lox in the USA) I need that aggravation like a loch in kop? I’m chalishing for some Petzah (In Dublin, we called it “Calves Foot Jelly”) Alter Kakkers , Bobbe Meises, Ebberbottled. She’s such a kochelefel.

Question - How are you today Bobba ‘Chuma ???

Bobba’s answer - Nu, does it do any good to complain???

RADIO. LM Radio who remembers the signature, “Aqui Portugal Moçambique, fala-voz do Radio club em Lourenço Marques, transmitindo ondas curtas e médias

(This is (here is) Portugal, Moçambique, the voice of the Radio club in Lourenço Marques, transmitting in short and medium wave) with Evelyn Martin (Martins) . David Davies and the LM Hit Parade and was it a little prayer ending off at midnight ? With a sort of mournful depressing music to accompany it. Peter de Nobrega… not sure which station..Bob Courtney Eric Egen Springbok Radio , Paddy O’Byrne, David Gresham (Gruesome Gresh) and Clark MacKay (Clackie MacKay) and Esmé Euverard (not sure if she was Springok Radio or what) Charles Fortune (Cricket commentator) Programmes like “Pets’ Parade”, and “the Creaking Door” –skriklig !!!! David Gresham - Gruesome Gresh - (keep your feet on the ground ,and reach for the Stars) Everyone remembers “JOHN BERKS” !! - “Long John Berks” - I always listened to the Talk shows and one show in particular has stayed in my mind. The Jhb Station Master, complete with an Afrikaans accent, (guess who) called a Yiddishe guy living somewhere in Killarney, to tell him that his consignment of chickens were on their way over. You could hear what sounded like a few thousand chickens all clucking their heads off and the poor fellow was protesting, saying that it was the wrong number, it wasn’t him, some mistake and besides, he had a small balcony, and he didn’t have room for crates of chickens, but The “Station Master” kept on saying that he has nowhere for them either, the fellows’ name and address were on the crates and the chickens were going to be on their way, shortly.. What a “lag” that was. Although this article is about the 60s, I can’t help but mention my fellow countryman, John Robbie, and John, if you ever get to read this “Go mbeanna Dia Duit” and enjoy Lá na Pádraig.

AND the Requests – I think It might have been Esmé Euverard who ran a programme, was it called “Forces Favourites”? with Messages from girlfriends to their ou’s in the army, with requests like this “ Poppie, het jy ‘n boodskap”??? Poppy, are you there? Speak up Poppie……., Poppie?? Crackle, crackle….. Hallo, crackle crackle ……….. Hallo, ja, D’is Poppie wat praat, Ag, man, I’d like to send a message to my boyfriend at Voortrekker Hoogte?????? Daw-ling, I love you Verrry much???????? , ek het jou lief, my skat??? I hope you are orite and I cawnt wait til you are home again awready, Vasbyt en Baie Liefde, van Poppie, hoor? En Frikkie says howwzit. LOURENÇO MARQUES. Polana Hotel, Avenida 24 Julho (July), o Zambi, o Cisno Negro (Black Swan), Xai Xai, S. Martinho de Bilene (aka San Martino) wonderful beaches, prawns to die for (*just because I said that, doesn’t mean I ate them!!!) “Cerveja” at sidewalk cafés, Caldo Verde (soup), wonderful buildings, Pregos.

BUILDINGS such as Palace Buildings, Rand Club, Old Arcade, Markhams Technical College, Manners Mansions. Broadcast House, Essanby House, Ponte - Harrow Road, Rissik Street Post Office, Union Grounds – Twist and Claim,Joubert Park. The City Hall - Rissik Street. And in Jeppe Street the Medical buildings ... Jenner Chambers , Lister Buildings, * Drs. Jacobson, Broer and Smith, later “and Barnard”, and later still, “and Kaplan”, Pasteur Chambers , Medical Centre , Archie Jacobson, Ivor Broer, Mervyn Smith. Michael Barnard and Neville Kaplan (not all at the same time.)

HOSPITALS: the Lady Dudley, Florence Nightingale, Princess, Marymount, Franklin, Queen Victoria, Garden City Clinic Parklane Clinic. Fever Hospital, Jhb Gen. (General Hospital) The Childrens’ Hospital, Baragwanath. The Frangwyn –(Maternity )

ARMY. The Drill Hall in Joubert Park! Voortrekker Hoogte (Pretoria) The first 3 months you were a rookie, and after you got out 9 months down the drag, you went to Camps for about 3 weeks a few years later. Boys went meshugah when their hair was cut so short.

And Polio – two major epidemics in 1947 and 1954/55, when schools were closed, and public swimming pools too, children in iron lungs and leg braces. Infantile Paralysis, they called it. (I wasn’t here then but I know about it)

Around the late fifties, a movie came out with Danny KAYE and Barbara Bel GEDDES (Miss Ellie in Dallas) , called the “FIVE PENNIES”. Story of Red Nichols, and his young daughter (played by both Susan Gordon and Tuesday Weld) who contracted polio. .

And “Interrupted Melody” Another polio movie about the Opera singer, Eleanor PARKER. Terrible epidemic, wiped out today, as far as I know . And then they found an immunization against Polio.

WHO REMEMBERS …... Gilooly’s farm, Boksburg Lake, Zoo Lake, Florida Lake, Wemmer Pan - Wembly stadium Ice rink , The Wilds, The Snake Park, Melville swimming Pool, Hillbrow Indoor Pool (at the Summit Club), and the Squash courts there, Brixton Swimming Pool, Rand Show/Skou, Milner Park, Tower of Life.

THE ELLERINE brothers, Sidney (O”h) and Eric

RESORTS. Lover’s Rock in the Magaliesberg, Little Roseneath (Ndaba, Fourways). Margo’s (where the bands all played on a Sunday afternoon. I think it was near Bapsfontein). And lazy days sitting on top of the Wilds, admiring the Flora and Fauna and watching the world go by (not today!) Linksfield Ridge.

ADVERTS.. Mac Phails - Mac won’t phail you

NAMES CHANGES Jan Smuts Airport – O.R Tambo , Halfway House - Midrand, Verwoerdburg – Centurion,. Hendrik Verwoerd Drive - Bram Fischer Drive, Hans Strydom Drive Malibongwe, DF Malan - Beyers Naudé, Harrow Rd - Joe Slovo Drive - , Sandown Square - Nelson Mandela Square. Transvaal – Gauteng, Eastern Transvaal – Mapumelanga. Warmbaths - Bela Bela, Pietersburg - Polakwane

NEWSPAPERS/magazines Rand Daily Mail. Die Vaderland, Die Beeld, The Star (still going strong) Sunday Express, Sunday Times AND Back Page of the Sunday Times… Scope Magazine

I thought I’d end off with a little song ………………….. anyone want to sing along? You all know Sarie Marais? Here we go. Een, twee, drie……..

My Sarie Marais is so ver van my hart,

Maar’k hoop om haar weer te sien,

Sy het in die wyk die Mooirivier gewoon,

Nog voor die oorlog het begin.

O bring my t’rug na die ou Transvaal,

daar waar my Sarie woon

daar onder in die mielies by die groen doringboom

Daar woon my Sarie Marais.

Lekker Bly Skatties, and Alles van die Beste.

Anne Lapedus (Brest)

one of the “SIXTIES ROCKERS” … still ROCKING ON !!!!

Uitlander, no more

!!!!

Contact details.

[email protected] or [email protected]

082.452.7166 .

DISCLAIMER. This article has been written from my memories of S.Africa from 48 years ago, and if a Shul, or Hotel, or a Club is not mentioned, it doesn’t mean that they didn’t exist, it means, simply, that I don’t remember them. I can’t add them in, either, because then the article would not be “My Memories” any more.

more.

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notorious-fiction · 7 years

Text

The Christmas Prince (A Whoever You Want to Read With One-Shot)

You two had made a deal.

Shook hands and all, very solemn looks on your faces, promising one another a very simple thing.

No gift exchanging on Christmas day.

(You'd just been laid off your job and it sucked balls, and he knew money was a bit short on your end and also knew you would never, in a gazillion years accept any money from him, so he started to come up with a bunch of lame ass excuses to make you feel a bit better.)

("It's cliché", he had snorted when you touched the subject "Exchanging Christmas gifts. Ugh. It was meaningful before but now it's just another "especial" date that lost it's core value to boost capitalism. I mean, you can be a crappy boyfriend all year round as long as you buy your girl an extra glittery Hallmark card and a Tiffany Bracelet, right?")

("Right." You had agreed, although not really, because as much as you found sexy as fuck when he used pretty words - core value, damn - you still flipping loved Christmas and looked forward to it all year long.)

So no gift exchanging it was.

You'd spend Christmas day with you family and he would spend it with his - you knew how rare it was for him to take some time to see them - but the day before, the 24th, you had him all to your own.

Just "a casual dinner, the two of us" (his words, not yours) with some "classic Christmas movies, deal with it, loser" (your words, not his) at your place.

Going out was a real pain nowadays, with the whole paps, fangirls, Snapchatters, etc thing, so to save yourself from the stress (how come he never failed to look like a Goddamn model on those candids whilst you looked like you were about to sneeze? Ugh.), staying in it was.

In, with no gifts.

Or at least you thought so, because mid afternoon on December 24th your iPhone seemed to gain a life of its own, all your social media accounts on a frenzy of notifications as, oh well, your famous as fuck of a boyfriend was spotted loading a box the size of a small poney into his car.

("She is so lucky!!!!!!")

("What did he get herrrrrrr i'd be happy just with his dick on box and by the size of it its prob that lol")

("Ugh i hope its a bomb")

(Insert other very sweet comments here.)

You controlled the urge to text him (going against your über curious personality with all the strenghth your posessed), instead focusing on the fact that you were...

Fucked.

Because whilst your boyfriend was on the posession of a very big, flashy box (what you had no idea what was inside, Christ, what the hell was inside of it?!), you were in the posession of...

"How The Grinch Stole Christmas", "Elf" and "The Polar Express".

(All masterpieces, in your humble opinion.)

And the phone of the thai take out two blocks from your place.

(Best pad thai and sticky rice ever.)

(Plus it gave tons of free sriracha packets! Yay for free stuff!)

But seriously, what the fuck were you supposed to give to a human being who seemed to have absolutely everything?!

It'd be stupid to give him clothes - he got those for free -, you had no idea what his shoesize was (did that make you a horrible girlfriend? oops) and anything else you could think of was undoubtely lame.

What if you made him something?

Okay so you didn't know how to draw or paint or knit or rhyme or write a song or do anything that required a minimum artistic vein slash handicraft talent but you could...

Try?

Throwing your body on the couch, your laptop literally on your lap, you sat on your ultimate comfy position - which he had lovingly nicknamed "Cirque Du Soleil's contortionist catching up on reality TV on it's free time" or "how you don't have a back problem is beyond me" (when he said that last one he totally reminded you of your mom) -, typing on the words that were responsible for many delayed papers at Uni and scurries off the house whilst almost tripping on your shoes as you were late as fuck.

Pinterest dot com.

(A blessing and a curse to womankind, honestly.)

D. I. Y.

(Do it yourself.)

(Although you actually never did.)

Scrolling down the screen - DIY baking soda shampoo! DIY mosaic tile birdbath using recycled DVD's! DIY Glittery Bath Bombs! - you noticed that all of them seemed to involve stuff everyone apparently had at home except you like glue guns or spray paint or Scrabble tile holders (...seriously) so after five minutes of Pinterest searching, you sighed in defeat.

(Hard effort wasn't your forte, you had to admit.)

Even friendship bracelets are a hard task to accomplish when you have the skills of a three year old toddler and if you actually purchased a glue gun you could already picture yourself glueing nothing but your own fingers and spending Christmas Day at the ER.

But you did have glitter glue, and that wasn't so dangerous was it?

You also had an old, slightly crumpled piece of cardboard and a "DIY Easy Glittery Hallmark card tutorial!" (snort) at your screen, so you decided to give it a go.

If it came out okay you'd be able to give him as an ironic gift?

("Oh hey, I know you gave me a super awesome/expensive/fancy/cool/thoughtful - insert whatever the hell could be inside that massive box here Christ the curiosity was killing you - but ha-ha-ha remember that snark you made about glittery Hallmark cards?! Instead of giving money to the greedy capitalist men I made one myself, how about that?! Aren't I the Best Girlfriend Ever?!?!?!")

And if it came out like crap you could, y'know, throw it in the bin...

...So of course it came out like crap.

Because you somehow managed to put more glitter glue on the tip of your fingers than on the goddamn cardboard, more glitter glue on your clothes as you absentmindedly rubbed your hands on it as you tried to think of what the hell you could do to save your "Merry Christmas" masterpiece.

(Trash.) (That was how you could save it, your dignity, your boyfriend's poor eyes and your dignity.)

(By throwing your masterpiece on the garbish.)

(Fuck ironic gifts.)

Of course that instead of coming up with another idea after the Glittery-DIY-Hallmark-Card fiasco, your procrastinator side spoke louder, and click after click after click you found yourself going deeper and deeper of that pit called Pinterest, until you blazed on a section you'd never dared to venture on before.

The recipe session.

There were gooey chocolate chip bars, chocolate fudge brownies, kale and artichokes dip, quinoa fried "rice" (...why would someone all it fried "rice" if it had no rice in it only quinoa, you wondered...) and everything made your mouth water and stomach growl and you deeply wished there was someone who could make it for you.

Everything sounded too tempting (and too hard and with too many fancy ingredients and kitchen appliances you'd never even heard of) until you found...

"Easy adaptable chocolate chip cookies with ingredients everyone has at home!!!!! Can be made vegan gluten/lactose/nut/anythying free paleo atkins insert random diet you'd never heard of before here"

Well...

Following a recipe wouldn't be that hard... Would it?

Especially when you could sub eggs for oil if you didn't have any or oil for mashed banana or mashed banana for applesauce or applesauce for honey or honey for agave which were all obviously so much alike, right?

Throwing everything you had into a single bowl - did you mention it was a single bowl recipe? Seriously, it could not get any better, your dishes-washing-hater-side thought - you frowned as you compared your final result to the one on the screen.

Pinterest's batter: gooey but firm, looked so good you wouldn't mind spooning it raw directly into your mouth.

Your batter: two year old's diarrhea, you wouldn't want to spoon it raw directly into your mouth not even if they paid you.

You somehow managed to put little (balls, on Pinterest, blobs, sounded more accurate to your situation) blobs of the batter onto the baking sheet and onto the oven, too busy freaking out slash trying to understand what the hell you did wrong (ooh two american cups of flour? what were american cups? weren't your cups american? why america has to control everything for god's sake?!) to notice the door being unlocked, only realising you had company when you heard an amused chuckle behind you.

Turning around so quick you almost broke your neck - fouet filled with sticky disgusting batter held in hand in a threatingly way - you found him staring, all long legs and perfect hair and mocking grin and...

Empty hands?

Where the hell was the box the size of a toddler he was seen loading into his car?!

Goddamit, internet!

(And why did you feel a lil' bit disappointed I mean...)

(...you had him, hadn't you?)

(Best Christmas Gift Ever, am I right.)

"Hi."

"Hi. Were you..." A cute little frown appeared between his brows, pearly white teeth still on show as he asked "Baking?"

Getting a bit defensive - why did he have to sound so confused/terrified? - you dropped the fouet on the sink, replying "Yes, why?"

"Oh, for nothing! I mean, it smells..."

(Awful.)

"Pretty good."

(Damn, he was a liar.)

Leaning to check the oven temperature just one more time - I mean, better safe than sorry, you couldn't push your luck (any further) - you ignored your boyfriend's stare (a cute little smirk on his lips because well, he thought it was cute how you hadn't noticed the chocolate batter on your chin or how you wore an apron thrice your size), asking maybe a little too cheery "So, how's your Christmas eve going so far?"

( "...Loading too many big ass boxes onto your car?", you rhymed mentally.)

"Well, not too good I mean, I only got to see my lovely lady today." He replied with a charming smile, expecting for you to giggle - alright, fine, he knew you weren't one to giggle, or at least give him love eyes.

You squinted skeptically.

...Okay.

"Empty handed, I see."

"Yeah, kinda glad we decided to skip on that Christmas madness. Had to help a mate out with picking up a complete set of one of those fancy Le Creuset cooking things. Said his girlfriend would love it." He added with a scoff, rolling his eyes "I told him that if I gave you anything kitchen related you'd throw it in my head, but seeing you're apparently into cooking now..." He paused, pursing his lips "Should I write it down as a suggestion for your birthday?"

Her mind went black.

Kitchen appliances.

His mate was giving his girlfriend freakin' casseroles and frying pans.

(Oh poor girl.)

(Poor, poor girl.)

(The disappointment when she opened that huge heavy box.)

(Damn.)

And you had been freaking out the entire day thinking he'd gotten you something big and awesome and you'd look like the awful ungrateful girlfriend.

Man, that ugly glittery card would look like heaven next yo, y'know... Nothing.

"If you ever give me a damn casserole pan I shall rip off your little buddy of you, cut it into tiny little pieces, cook them in the freakin' thing and serve you for dinner." You stated, and he replying, giving you a kiss on the forehead "Aw, see? I know you so well."

God, you were glad he didn't get you anything.

Because being with him was the best gift you could've ever asked for.

(Insert vomiting and cringing here.)

(Fuck you never thought you would be THIS gross and disgusting and loving about any human being in your life after your miserable string of awful break-ups.)

(Yet there you were, with your very own prince charming.)

(Yup, that was it, you guys would be watching The Christmas Prince on Netflix.)

You showed your appreciation by getting on the tips of your toes and pecking him on the lips, the little wrinkle of confusion between his forehead making you want to kiss him even more.

(How was possible for someone to be so cute slash sexy at the same damn time?)

(Seriously.)

(Ugh.)

But then, maybe you'd been too distracted by his pouty pink lips - no chapstick or anything, you wondered how the hell he managed to get them always so soft and puffy and kissable - to check the oven...

And the whole room started to smell a bit smokey.

And look a bit smokey.

"Fuck, my Pinterest cookies!" You squealed, startling him.

You were sort of thankful your fire alarm wasn't working so well, because if the firemen showed up because you almost burned your kitchen down, your landlord would have (even more) reasons to hate you.

"It looks... Edible." Your boyfiend said matter of fact, poking one of your cookies at the tray with the tip of his fingers with brows furrowed.

They looked like baby alien fetus.

(Edible, in some outer galaxy cultures, probably.)

"Want to try them?" You knew by the raise of his eyebrow that it was a challenge, a thing you rarely passed.

Daringly, you got one - dropping it back to the tray because damn they were hot -, trying it again after a few seconds of you two staring at each other with "Who Shall Quit First" eyes.

Was he going to make you eat them first?

By the fake tight ass smile he was giving you, he was...

So with the biggest grin you could muster, you squeaked "Merry Christmas baby! I made these for you! Hope you like them!"

(Or at least don't get food poisoning and die! Please don't get food poisoning and die! I kinda really really really really really like you!)

(And if you die because of me slash my cookies your fans will murder me!)

With a small gulp, he picked one of the alien fetus cookies, shaking it off so they wouldn't be "too hot and burn his tongue" for about three minutes.

You kinda knew he was trying to make as many tiny pieces of it fall out so he'd eat as less of a cookie as possible, but you didn't call him out on it because oh well, he was at least going to eat a teeny bit of them.

And in the end, after a bit of fake awing "Oh, tastes so good babe" and maybe spitting on a napkin when you turned around to throw the dirty dishes on the sink, he did eat your alien fetus cookies.

What made him the best boyfriend slash Christmas present ever.

And after drinking maybe a bit too much wine and watching The Christmas Prince, he drunkenly vowed to never ever give you anything cooking related - as the cookies now rested in peace in your trashcan, on top of your ugly ass glittery card -, and that vow would be proved to be a gift that kept on giving.

(I mean, it would give stomach aches and calls to the fire fighters and be a total waste of ingredients, so you were cool with that.)

(And even if he never gave you anything at all, he dealt with your craziness, your PMSing, you overreacting whenever you let your - very expensive - makeup fall onto the floor, never watched Game of Thrones episodes without you and always let you eat the biggest last slice of cheesecake.)

And if that wasn't much of a proof of real, true love, you had no idea of what the hell it could be.

And that was the greatest gift of all.

(Cue to cringing due to cheesyness again.)

-------

MERRY CHRISTMAS U GUYSSSSSSSSS!

Hope y’all have a fantastic one and find all you wanted under the tree! ooh and if you liked it pls don’t forget to click on that like button (i’ve been watching too many youtube vids send help)

lots lots of love

Gabe

ps: i’d like to dedicate this to my favorite humans on earth victoria, nina and lari, who are still my friends even after i’ve been through probably 30 different mental breakdowns this year, love you guise so muchhhhhhhh thanks for always encouraging me to write!!! oh and if you haven’t read my stories based on them you can find them all here

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beeingfulloflove · 7 years

Text

I don't care. She's mine now

Prompt "I don't care if I'm allergic. I bought her and were keeping her "with Lana and Je'tete --------------------------------------- I have never seen Theron more annoyed. And that is saying a lot "You are allergic to cats, Commander" he said "you can't keep her just because you want to" "I will name her Bella" I said stubbornly. After A week of having this Tooka cat on base I have landed myself in the medbay because of all my sneezing. "Commander. She needs to go back" he said. "No. She doesn't" I said and quickly grabbed the cat from the medbay and took her to mine and Lana's room. Bella made herself comfortable by the big windows in out room "he wants to get rid of you Bella! Can you believe it!" I tell the cat. Naturally she doesn't respond. She's a cat I found her earlier this week just wandering around in the forest and secretly brought her back to the bace. Since then she's been living with me in one room until Theron busted me for sneezing more than usual and found Bella. I don't think he was very pleased No matter. She's cute and I already love her. I hear the door unlock and move so that Lana won't see Bella right away "love?" I hear Lana say from behind the door as she opens it "why did Theron say you stole a cat?" "I don't know" I lie. Sadly I sneeze less than a second after I say that. Lana steps into our room and the door closes behind her "He also says you're allergic to cats" she said "He does now?" I pretended to be clueless as Bella comes out from behind my back "I don't know why he would say that" I sneeze again "I think I can find a few reasons" she said looking at the cat nudging my hand "I have no idea what you're talking about" I say as I guide Bella back behind my back "Love why do you have a cat?" "Because she's cute," I say " and I love her" "You're sneezing and you're nose is all stuffed up. You can't keep her" "But I lovvvveeeeeeee herrrrrrr" I complain "You're allergic to her" Lana walked is over to me and Bella jumps on her lap "but I will admit. She's rather cute" "We're keeping her" I say. Although it ends up like a question Lana just sighs "fine. But you will take allergy pills" "Okay, okay" I laugh lightly "I'll take the pills" "Good" "Wait. Does that mean that I would be allergic to Jorgan?" I smile Lana puts her head in her hands "only you would think of that" she signed "have you named her?" "Bella" I said "I named her Bella" "Any particular reason for that name?" "It was the name of my sister. She always wanted a cat" things grew silent for a bit. My sister has always been a...sensitive...subject "It's a beautiful name" she said And leaned her head against my shoulder We sit in silence for awhile. It's a comfortable silence though. Only the occasional mew of Bella Then we hear a knock at the door "quick hide Bella" I smile "I can hear you!" Theron says from behind the door. Let's see how long I can play keep away

#lana beniko #oc: je'tete #Lana Beniko x f!jedi Consular #companion romance #swtor #swtor kotfe #theron shan #jedi consular

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tellywoodtrash · 7 years

Text

ishqbaaz 19.06.17 lb

plain text version here.

lol shakti’s face at kamini. 😂😂😂

waise maannna padega aapke choice ko, shakti ji. auraton mein isse zyaada ghatiya choice kisi aur ki nahi ho sakti. kya chun chun A1 samples ikkhatta kiye hue hai. 😆😆😆

kameeni’s presence makes me feel better these days, because she makes pinky uncomfortable. 😎😎😎

“oberoi khaandaan mein kabhi talaaq nahi hota.”

ooooooooh. could this be the “loophole” that nulls and voids their divorce? someone (dadi? shakti?) does something to the papers? 😗😗😗

lmao kamini is suddddenly a fan of anika? amazing. i love this woman’s girgit jaise ways. 😇😇😇

“shivaaaaaaaay??!?! kaise ho, beta????”

asked in the most perky, enthusiastic voice. as if she’d NEVER TRIED TO MURDER HIM. lmaoooooooooo. 😂😂😂

jhanvi trying to talk sense, but as usual, someone in this fucking family has to overrule her. 😒😒😒

this is why you fuckers suffer like this in life. coz you don’t listen to the one sane person in this house. bhugto, saalo. 😤😤😤

my cat has more rational decision making powers than fucking prinku. 😑😑😑

my cat is smarter than prinku in all ways, actually. now whether i have the albert einstein of cats, or prinku is less evolved than your average domestic feline, is up to your interpretation. 😌😌😌

offfffff course that’s what you decide. good. fuck off prinku. aur abhi raksha bandhan ya janmashtami tak dikh bhi mat jaiyyo is area mein. chal hatttt, hurrrrrrrrrr TITTARRRRRRRRRR HO JAA *shooing motions* 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽

um, are these other children supposed to be the same age as sahil? they’re a WHOLE FOOT taller than him. 😐😐😐

anika stopped crying for long enough to come to sahil’s school. #relatable #adulthood 😪😪😪

siiiiiiiiiiigh. shivaaaaay. in blaaaaack. here for saaaaahil. checking allll the damn tickboxes of my heart todayyyy. 😭😭😭😭😭

awwwwwww man the way sahil just flung himself onto shivaay, and shivaay’s face. 😥😥😥

lol the off-brand Cars™ backpack tho. 😂😂😂

HE’S MAKING HIM PROMISE TO CALL EVERYDAY!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭

oh sahil, if you only knew. 😔😔😔

yeahhhhh, remember your fucking promisessss. REMEMBER THEM, BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😣😣😣

Awareness™!!!!!!! i’m actually tearing up a little. 😭😭😭😭😭

pft, ok girl, calm down. what good is his achchai, if do paise ka dimaag na ho chalaane ko? uski achchai ka kya, achaar daalna hai tumhe? 🙄🙄🙄

oh god, the thought of shivaay packing sahil’s backpack for him. my hearttttttttttt, my fucking heartttttttttttt. 💔💔💔💔💔

omgggggggggg, mom and dad bickering. i can’t, i fucking caaaaaan’t. 😭😭😭

“tum na, KISI ko bigadne hi nahi deti... mujhe bigadna hai... bigaado na! 😏😏😏”

omfgggg deadddddddd. 😯😯😯

also how many secret unseen sexy moments like these have we missedddd, you asssshole creatives???? HOW MANY????????? 😧😧😧

poor sahil is so confused by sso’s sudden sentimentality. 😔😔😔

aw, thank god, i thought sahil would leave without meeting anika. 😌😌😌

is that a new hand chain bracelet thingy anika has? her usual one didn’t look like this. 🤔🤔🤔

what school is this, that the children are CONSTANTLY on trips, that too for WEEKS?????? 😐😐😐

sahil is smart. he’ll eventually figure out. and then shivika are going to have hell to pay. 😬😬😬

willing to bet money that there will be a future situation where sahil is in danger or some such issue, that will make these two team up. y’know, FOR SAHIL. AND ONLY FOR SAHIL. 😏😏😏

why can’t BAHUUUUUUU carry her own shit in? or do her own KAAM? iske haath toote hue hai kya? 😒😒😒

lmaoooooo that briefly nauseated look that flickered on kamini’s face at ranveer’s mushiness. #ME 🤢🤢🤢

why is this fool apologizing when SHE was the victim in the scenario???? 😟😟😟

ok i’m sorry, i really shouldn’t be lmao at this ghastly scene of domestic violence, but prinkuuuuuuuu you are sooooo fucking dumbbbbbbbbb. YOU’RE THE DUMBEST CHARACTER I’VE EVER SEEN. LIKE, EVER. IN ANY OF THE MEDIA I’VE CONSUMED, IN ANY LANGUAGE. sofa kingggggg dumb. 😆😆😆

he heard her! 😯😯😯

and he’s looking for her!!!!!!!! 😥😥😥

first REALISTIC depiction of mumbai ka autowaala i’ve seen in this show. 😐😐😐

aw man, the poor baby, he’s so lost. 😭😭😭😭

oh no. ohhhhhhh shit. ohhhhhh boyyyyyyyyy. I KNEW HIS POOR FAULTY OVERSTRESSED HEART WOULD FUCKING BREAK DOWN ONE OF THESE DAYS. 😥😥😥

OMFG DON’T FUCKING DRIVE WHILE HAVING A HEART ATTACK!!!!!!!😟😟😟

also, wow, they finally sprung for an audi, after making him drive a honda for one year. honestly, were we supposed to believe that SHIVAAY SINGH OBEROI drives a fucking honda? 😑😑😑

oh yikes. anika’s going all vigilante justice on the autowaala. 😬😬😬

girl needs to join some kinda fight club to take out all this pent up bhadaas she has in her. 😶😶😶

ok this scene of shivaay getting progressively more ill by the minute is getting really hard for me to watch. 🤐🤐🤐

oh thankkkkkk god she called rudra. 😫😫😫

AND HE MADE IT BACK HOME IN ONE PIECE. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

ok i really can’t watch this. i can’t. i’ve had someone really close to me pass away like this irl and... it’s triggering me. i’m fwding till the point where he’s gotten medical help and is ok.

OMFG THESE FUCKERS!!!!!!!!! DO THEY ONLY GO TO THE HOSPITAL IF A PERSON’S BEEN SHOT?!?!?!? WHY IS HE BEING TREATED AT HOME FOR A FUCKING HEART ATTACK????????? 😠😠😠

“MAIN samajh gaya. dil ki dhadkan jab dil se door ho jaaye toh dil kamzor ho jaata hai. par bhaiyya ka dil kamzor nahi pada hai, toot gaya hai.”

i really really really love rudra, in his (rare) moments of maturity. 💘💘💘

i’m sooooooo glad anika and rudra are in constant contact. he’s her eyes and ears when she can’t be around. #bestDevarEver 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

oh yeah, you look BILKULLL THEEK uh huh ok. 🙄🙄🙄

mann toh kar raha hai chaar laafe doon is idiot ko. LIE YOUR ASS BACK DOWN, PUNK!!!!!!!!!!! 😒😒😒

rudra’s 2 nanosecond stink!eye at pinky. best. 😂😂😂

aw man, she wants to see for herself that he’s ok. 😭😭😭

siri, why is rudra so fucking adorable? such a cupcake, this boy. 😚😚😚

waaah, 12 pm ko hi raat ho gayi. amaze. IBverse needs its own set of astronomers to understand how day and night work there. 🙄🙄🙄

aw, anikaaaa. babyyyyyy! 😪😪😪

omg. ANOTHER ONE?!?! 😧😧😧

he can feel herrrrrrr. HE CAN FEEL HER PRESENCE THROUGH THE..... OH MY GOD WHY AM I CRYING SO HARD RN 😭😭😭😭

OMG IS HE OK????? 😥😥😥

oh boy, he saw the phone.😬😬😬

he’s suddenly ok??? 🤔🤔🤔

oh my poor heartbroken babies. *holds you both and cries with you* 😭😭😭

OK, THE FUCK, MEGHNA???? 😟😟😟 why are you running on the streets like a khullaaaa saand????

ohhhhhhhh great. he’s going to bring her homeeeeeeee. it’s gonna take an eternity and a half to get her out. 😑😑😑

btw, isn’t this the EXAAAAAAAACT same plot svetlana used to gain entry into the house??? honestly. 😒😒😒

#ishqbaaz #ishqbaaaz #ib episode liveblogs #episode liveblogs #190617 ib lb

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celebritylive · 5 years

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Chrissy Teigen‘s son is growing up fast!

The model, 34, gave fans a glimpse of how big Miles Theodore has gotten on Wednesday when she shared an adorable photo of her baby boy in his toy convertible.

In the picture, the 19-month-old wears a striped top and patterned pants as he plants himself behind the wheel of a mini red Mercedes-Benz.

“hey ladies,” Teigen captioned the snapshot.

RELATED: Chrissy Teigen Celebrates Son Miles’ ‘Graduation’ from His Headgear: ‘Happy Helmet-Free Day!’

Teigen has been documenting all of Miles’ big milestones on social media this year.

In June, the Cravings: Hungry for More cookbook author revealed her son had started to learn to speak. “When your first word is ‘Yeah!'” she captioned a video of Miles babbling to his maternal grandmother, Vilailuck.

You love Yai?” Teigen’s mom asks Miles in the clip, using his and his 3-year-old big sister Luna Simone‘s name for their grandma.

“Yeah!” Miles replies animatedly from his high chair, giving the same adorable response when his Yai asks if he loves “Mommy,” “Luna” and “Dada.”

“Luna’s first word was ‘no,'” Teigen joked in a separate comment. “They’re exactly us.”

View this post on Instagram when your first word is “yeah!”

A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on Jun 20, 2019 at 5:37pm PDT

//www.instagram.com/embed.js

A month later, the mother of two shared with fans that Miles had also started taking his first few steps.

“I think I just caught his first real steps! Does this count?” Teigen asked alongside a video posted on her Twitter.

In the clip, Miles can be seen making his way toward Teigen while holding a toy car in his hand.

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human interest stories

As he approaches her, he quickly grabs on to the sofa in front of him and squeals.

“Good job, you took a step!” Teigen sweetly says to her son.

I think I just caught his first real steps! Does this count? pic.twitter.com/LBYz1jCCIY

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) July 23, 2019

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RELATED: Chrissy Teigen ‘Finally’ Gets a Kiss from Son Miles: ’16 Months, Worth the Wait!’

Teigen welcomed Miles in May 2018 with husband John Legend. The baby boy was born three weeks before his June 7 due date, with the Lip Sync Battle host announcing the birth by tweeting, “Somebody’s herrrrrrre!”

She addressed her son’s early entrance into the world with a sweet Instagram post the following month.

“Today was your original due date but you heard how cool we are since that’s all we talk about (how cool we are) and you wanted to see what all the fuss was about, 3 weeks early,” she wrote. “Well we tricked u! We are boring AF but we love you!”

from PEOPLE.com https://ift.tt/2PJ7BnJ

#Celebrity

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prodigaldaughteralice · 6 years

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alice liveblogs infinity war

we’re watching infinity war finally and I’m already mad at it or being grimdark

(spoilers I didn’t like it. also there’s some vague SU and PMMM spoilers in here because I ramble.)

like the end of Ragnarok was SO GOOD with the asgardian refugees and then they just fucking kill them all and the whole pre-credits bit was just pointless

also they pretended to kill Loki and that guy is never actually dead but it pissed me off

also I’m sad I’m so sick of Cumberbatch because I really like the idea of having a straight up wizard in your main party of superheroes

I’m glad Banner got to hug the shit outta Tony though

I really like this spider-man! I haven’t seen his movie yet but he has the goofy wisecracking that I loved about the comics as a kid DOWN

IRON MAN SPIDER SUIT?

why does tony stark have a samsung POS for a phone

and the Guardians show up and the mood immediately lightens; I am SO GRATEFUL TO THEM AND OH MAN MANTIS IS HERE I LOVE HER

HI THOR

your last movie was way better than this one

drax has the hugest boner for thor and I do not blame him but I would understand it a little more if he still had his luscious hair

THE FAMILY FUCK UPPERY COMPETITION I THOUGHT THAT WAS A TUMBLR JOKE

“all words are made up”ilu thor

okay who tf is this now in the fancy apartment with a glowy thing in his head am I supposed to know this????? THAT’S FUCKING VISION???????

also is that scarlet witch with him? I should probably point out that I watched Civil War once and I did not pay much attention because it was annoying the shit out of me

yep that’s scarlet witch here come her glowy things

designated girl fight time ughhhh

oH MY GOD STEVE ROGERS SHAVE THAT BEARD OFF RIGHT NOW nat what did you do to your hair did the director decide there could only be one ginger woman

oh I’m glad they got an excuse to reuse those awesome monster designs from the first Avengers flick in this flashback with baby Gamora

okay though I know they probably did it to make him look more like the comics but I cannot take Thanos seriously with that fucking CHIN he is committing hideous atrocities and now I am just annoyed and my immersion is broken

it is so obvious Gamora knows where the last stone is that I genuinely hope the secret is actually something else

...drax. why. stop eating. mantis you have saved me from that terrible joke I love you.

at this point it’s making me genuinely sad that I’ve been spoilered about the dust thing. like. I know he’s gonna get everything? I know he’s gonna ~win~ and oh my god drax fucking stop

THANK YOU MANTIS YOU HAVE RESCUED ME THIS DAY

FUCK YEAH GAMORA ABUSIVE DAD STABBING

oh jesus the blocks of clay/strips of paper effect is freaky as shit

jesus jesus this whole scene is freaking the shit out of me god ugh why there is no genuine point to dragging this scene out it’s just Suffering there are times in my life where I would be okay with it but Ugh

it genuinely took me a few seconds of Weird Romantic Music for me to remember they paired nat and bruce off in that one movie that was some weird shit can we just move on

YOOO IT’S WAKANDA TIME

...that was disappointingly brief

okay there is way too much torture in this movie. that’s the issue. physical emotional et cetera too much torture

I love spider-man though he’s a good boy

strange and tony are both the exact kind of arrogant asshole that you’re supposed to identify with but instead just annoys the shit out of me and spider-man is this scene’s only saving grace

okay this new philosophy for Thanos since they can’t have him being in love with Death bc that would lead to Deadpool issues... it’s very... Kyuubey.

FUCK NO NEBULA SHIT BABY I LOVE HER AND THIS IS BULLSHIT I’M SO MAD JESUS THIS WHOLE FILM IS ABOUT TORTURE AND I HATE ITjesus jesus nope nope stop nope this is bullshit fuck

thor speaks groot and I am relieved but I miss movies where the default was thor speaking groot and there were only occasional dips into misery

why is thor trying to get a new hammer there was a whole deal in his last film about how he doesn’t need the hammer AND A ROBOT EYE? so they’re just gonna tear apart all the symbols of his character development? whyyyyyyyyy

groot put down your fucking ds

...is that peter dinklage as a giant I kind of love that

I’m glad Nebula pulled herself together I love herrrrrrr

they’re on a planet called Titan!! GAAANEYMEDE AND TITAN, YESSIR I’VE BEEN AROUUUUND... BUT THERE AIN’T NO PLACE IN THE WHOLE OF SPAAAAAACE... LIKE THAT GOOD OLD TITAN TOWN

“you’ll have to restart the forge... awaken the heart of a dying star” okay so it’s a side quest

mantis is bouncing around I love her

did Peter just adopt Peter as an uncle

...is that red fucking skull? like from hydra? why is there a nazi in space

the stone demands a sacrifice UGHHHHH this is DUMB this movie has no idea what genre it is so it’s just taking the superficial cliches from every one it finds

ughhHHHHHH and it’s gonna count her as ~someone he loves~ even though he’s just been a dickwad fucker who’s tortured her her whole life THAT ISN’T LOVE ASSHOLES ughhhhh fucking shit also attempted suicide on screen definitely did not make my night any better fuck this fuck this fuck this movie with a bread knife STOP HAVING DRAMATIC SHOTS OF HIM CRYING THIS IS BULLSHIT.

oh and now he’s floating in the void. on a cloud. in a pond. great. I don’t care.

wait all that and it’s not even the big stone for the back of the hand???? it’s a lil knuckle one???

rhodey just pranked the shit out of bruce and the mood whiplash is killing me

I fucking love shuri okay every second we are in wakanda is a gift and a relief from the rest of the movie

...explosions. of course.

“and get this man a shield” FUCK YES

I would like to interrupt this to point out that my cat is a perfect loaf on the floor and I love him

...suddenly there are monster hordes? where did they even come from? I mean out of the ships obviously but this is fucking stupid

oh my god all the wakandans with their badass ranged spear technology and then bucky is just standing there with a fucking gatling gun

black panther is a badass and I appreciate action sequences when they’re well done but this is not tied together enough for me to be invested I guess?

okay but there is legit zero explanation for why thor isn’t dying in the heat of the star? like. he just Decided Not To Die??? like. I would be fine if he was like “I have expanded my powers since I moved past my hammer, I think I can take it” or whatever but they just decided to have him be like “IT’LL ONLY KILL ME IF I DIE” which is just. dumb.

ohhhh so they’re resurrecting him with the axe. which is not a thing we ever said the axe could do. okay. okay sure. sure. fine.

groot handle is badass but there’s been so much torture and self harm in this movie that having him whack his own arm off just is not fun even if he regrew it immediately

I’m glad thor is glowing again though.

ughhhhh thanos’s philosophy is so dumb I’m so done with hearing it YES DROP THE BUILDING LAPIS LAZULI THIS SHIT awwww he just got back up again I mean I guess BD did too DID DRAX JUST FUCKING HAMSTRING HIM

don’t you dare call him an insect arachnids aren’t insects ya purple dingus

NEBULAAAAAAAAAAA

they look like they’re gonna succeed but it’s too early in the movie and I want them to succeed right now so this movie will be over but also bc whatever they do to get him out of this will feel dumb

“he is in anguish” I DON’T GIVE A SHIT.

DO NOT ENGAGE DO NOT ENGAGE SHIT

ughhhhHHHHHHH. GAMORA WOULD NOT HAVE WANTED YOU TO FUCK OVER THE OPERATION LIKE THIS. GODDAMNIT.

...any tree can drop an apple, he’s gonna drop the freakin’ moon?

BUCKY SPINNING WITH ROCKET IS HILARIOUS I LOVE IT also thor and cap’s moment of banter see THAT is what I like about these movies when they’re done well

scarlet witch is OP as fuck and I love her

designated girl fight x4????? we can mix it up a little okay????

bruce arguing with hulk is somehow relatable???

I love spidey’s robo legs tbh they’re super fun HE CAN’T REMEMBER NAMES FUCKIN RELATABLE

okay yes I still love having a wizard in the party I just wish it wasn’t THIS guy

did you just fucking stab tony that’s bullshit

“spare his life and I will give you the stone” WHY THAT IS A SHITTY DEAL TO MAKE HE’S ALREADY DYING ANYWAY this is a trick, right?

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

vision’s thanos-sense is tingling and I wanna go to bed like screw this

put some fucking sleeves on you big grape flavoured asshole

do we even know why Wanda’s energy is the only one that can destroy the stone? Was that explained and I missed it?

YO SHE BROKE THE THING

“I understand, my child... better than anyone” NO YOU DON’T ASSHOLE YOU KILLED THE PERSON YOU’VE BEEN MANIPULATING AND HARMING HER WHOLE FUCKING LIFE FUCK YOU

...he just undid it with the time powers THAT’S CHEAP AS FUCK ughhhhhhhhh also he just put that narrow oval gem into a nearly circular and much larger setting so fuck that

FUCK YEA THOR ugh this isn’t gonna stick is it ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

is that baby gamora UGHHHH “what did it cost?” “everything” I DON’T BELIEVE ANYTHING FAUX-SENTIMENTAL YOU SAY

and it’s time for the dusties. I got spoiled this happened but I don’t know who all it happened to

fuck this though

genuinely so pissed STOP TAKING THE BEST ONES NO NOT SPIDEY FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCJ YOU FUCL UOI

fuck this entire fucking movie

ughhhhh and I really like the actor who plays Thanos he’s awesome in everything else I’ve seen him in but this entire movie was like. there was no point? they shoved so many people into one place that there were just sidequests instead of a plot. I want to go to bed tbh. Maybe I will be able to articulate my irritation later but UGHHHH.

#I'm not even proofreading this I'm just gonna post it and go to bed #pd alice talks #I mean I'm still waiting for a post credits scene but I have low hopes #or no hopes tbh #I mean it'll probably be there but I will be disappointed #yeah okay that came and went #okay this is enough spacer tags right #mcu #marvel #movies

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3one3 · 8 years

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The Sequel - 786

Rope Burn

André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea players, and random awesome OC’s

(okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

“How about Monday, then? Shopping and afternoon tea? Maybe at the Mandarin? No boys?” Christina suggested to Natasha while she gave Leo a little break from the exercise he was working on with Wizzy. The two moms were comparing schedules. Christina couldn’t do Saturday evening cocktails because she had to go to Germany to check on the barn, and Natasha couldn’t do Sunday brunch because Eden was playing in the afternoon and the boys all wanted to go to the Bridge.

“That could work,” the stay at home mom nodded, her phone in-hand with her diary. “I just have to be home for the kids’ dinner.”

“I’m picking you up at 2. Write it down!”

“Yay! Can we go to stores where we really don’t like the customers so we have more people to judge for what they take into the fitting rooms?” she asked almost pleadingly. The two girls were desperate for girl-time. Neither of them mentioned it, but they both knew there was a near but undefined deadline looming ahead too. Soon Christina would live elsewhere and their best friend playdates would be even fewer and further between, and require even more planning. Not only would they miss out on those shopping days, and cocktails, and taking their kids places together- they were also going to miss out on just seeing each other regularly at the barn. They’d already lost the see-each-other at Chelsea games time too. Firming up an appointment with the builder and the head of design to walk through her new riding facilities reinvigorated the sense of ending Christina had been trying to ignore for a little while.

“Yes, duh. Leo! Let’s do the outside line to the diagonal again one more time. Sit up nice and tall and count your 6, and then remember to ride straight into the corner and support with your left leg to get the lead change. Don’t let him slow down before he gets there or he can’t swap, okay?”

The forecasted snow never arrived that morning. The trainer was sitting atop the fence in front of the gazebo next to the outside ring so that she could chat with her friend during the lesson, instead of roaming around in the middle to have a better view of her student and be closer to him to help with advice and instructions when needed. Leo’s lessons were boring. He was at an age and a phase in his learning that just required a lot of practice. He needed saddle time more than anything. They couldn’t work on new things in every lesson, and he didn’t have a ton of things in his locker to work on improving, so his 30-45 minute sessions were repetitive. Sometimes he rode with his brother and they could make games out of their learning, and that was more fun from a teaching perspective. Solo lessons, not so much. Christina had to summon all of her dedication to make sure that she sounded enthusiastic while teaching, and not bored. Staying up late, working out, riding all of her horses before the blogger came for her interview, and having to take a bunch of jumps apart to make them Leo-sized sapped her will to stand in the middle and give the child her full attention and absolute best. She was phoning it in from the fence. Natasha didn’t mind that her son was being underserved.

“Where is your other one? He should be out here by now,” one mumbled to the other as Leo rallied his pony to get more canter for his outside line of 18” crossrails. “Lift your hands with your shoulders!”

“I don’t know. Maybe Cornflakes is uncooperative. Ugh sit up. Why does he still do this?” the Belgian girl groaned about her son, who had trouble righting his posture in the saddle after each little jump. He closed his hip angle in the two-point for the obstacle and then took too long to sit tall again, so his pony was heavy on the forehand for a couple of steps. Wizzy could deal with that. He could take care of himself and his rider too. It was an optics problem, and a form-for-the-future problem.

“He’ll get it. He knows what he has to do,” the coach reminded gently, with more understanding. “I don’t even tell him anymore because there’s no point. He has to get the muscle memory, and the strength. That’s why we do the same shit every day,” she added with a combo exhale/sigh. “Keep squeezing. Keep going,” she advised the small rider when he landed after the second jump a couple of yards to the girls’ right. Her eyes stayed on the pair heading for the corner. His mom’s noticed the group coming down the little hill from the barn just beyond that corner.

“There he is,” she said about Yannis, who was definitely late getting on. He was supposed to be warmed up and ready to start his lesson as soon as his brothers’ was over. “And I see the hold up.”

“Hm?” Moooore leeeeeeeeg, Christina thought in agonized slow motion narration. Wizzy’s engine was small and his throttle was “lazy”. He was only ever going to go as fast as he absolutely had to. Sometimes the trainer flexed her calf muscles as if to turn a spur into him and key him up from across the ring.

“Eden’s here. With Juan.”

Eurgh, I must be as addicting as he is. Which part of “this can’t be all the time” did he misunderstand? Or did he just hear me tell Lukas this morning that I’m making half and half lasagna for dinner? She took a quick glance to the right and saw the two Chelsea men approaching, and then refocused on Leo, who was getting ready to jump a single crossrail on the diagonal and then change leads before turning back onto the rail. Wizzy had “auto changes”, meaning he knew to swap on his own whenever he was asked to change direction. It was ugly and sometimes disjointed if he tried to swap without enough impulsion in his canter, so they were working on maintaining a consistent step to try to get smoother changes. Man, now I have to do a serious lesson with Yannis for Eden.

“That’s good, kiddo!” Christina told the other Hazard boy after he got a decent lead change, more through Wizzy’s doing than his. “Come over here so I can put your cooler on.”

“Was it really good or are you just tired of looking at him?” his mom questioned.

“It was better. I don’t see it getting perfect today, and perfect once is not perfect forever, so...meh.” No one is more proof of that than meeeee. I’ve been perfect. It’s been a long time.

“Hi honey, hi Chris,” Eden greeted the girls.

“Hi honey.” Natasha smooched him hello. “Why are you here and who is picking up the dog from the groomer?”

“I wanted to watch their training and Juan took too long in the pool so I made him bring me here instead of home. Amanda and Samy are getting the dog. He’s done already?” Eden asked disappointedly about Leo. Juan sometimes picked up Azpi and since Eden was across the street he caught a ride too, which annoyed Juan because Azpi’s wife usually picked him up at Cobham on her way home from wherever their daughter went for after school care, but she didn’t pick up Eden so Juan still had to take Eden home.

“I took the usual amount of time in the pool,” Juan said in his own defense as he kissed Natasha’s cheeks. He then leaned over the gazebo railing to squeeze Christina’s shoulders and kiss her cheek too. Hers was harder to get to because of the bulky Barbour scarf looped around her neck. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Hi Daddy!”

“Hi Leo.”

“Hi Juan!”

“Hi Leo.”

“Was your training good? Did you do the best?” Father asked Son. Trainer frowned a bit, and then frowned more deeply at her frown. I always wish parents would ask their kids if they had fun first, before if they did well, but then I get annoyed at the parents who don’t care if the kids don’t do well and give their best. How come there are so many subjects that are so lose-lose with me?

“Wizzy was good,” Leo testified. His answer changed the direction of the curvature of Christina’s lips. She took the burgundy wool cooler off the fence and draped it over the pony’s butt so that they could go walk and warm down once the kid was done complaining that his dad would get to see Yannis jump and not him, and once his dad was done blaming it on Juan, who took it admirably and without further protest. The other kid came over to have his matching cooler removed for him, and to chitchat. He was prone to that. He loved socializing.

“Get moving,” Christina ordered, shooing him away. “Cornflakes is going to get cold. You’re already late. Go.” She then took her scarf off and asked the Spaniard to hold it for her since he took the tall chair closest to where she was sitting on the other side of the rail, and put on her crocheted and leather gloves. It was time to go raise the couple of fences she took apart for Leo, and take some poles off some others that were still 3-4’ from her earlier schooling, and move some around to accommodate the pony’s smaller stride. That was warming work and she had to ditch the scarf and open up her jacket or she’d get too hot, and then be extra cold later when she was standing or sitting still again. To be a riding coach is to adjust or change layers of clothing, footwear, and gloves all day long.

“Is that a hickey on your neck? It’s so...sprawling,” Natasha asked her about a big reddish-blue blob on the side and front of her throat while she was still turned around toward the gazebo to pass the scarf over the rail. It definitely wasn’t a hickey but it was definitely something the rider forgot about.

“Nah, Lukas accidentally tried to strangle me with...his roller-duck leash,” she lied. It was Juan. Juan strangled her. With his hand. On purpose. Because she liked it.

“Ouch. Is it like a rope burn?” Natasha was squinting from across the little round table between her and Christina.

“Yeah.” Christina zipped her adidas jacket up to make the mark harder to see, and hopped down off the fence without daring a look at the source of said mark. I wish I could just tell herrrrrrr, she groaned inside. Then I wouldn’t have to lie, AND I could relish making her jealous as hell about my double sex life. I do feel bad, however, than Schü and I haven’t had as much gush-to-friends-worthy sex lately. Really just once in...I don’t even know how long. And today is the first day I’ve even seen her since then besides New Year’s when we were with too many people...and I didn’t even think of it today...because I have...more recent sexual escapades on my mind. Hey, you know what, she asked herself on her way to the Red Bull-themed jump. It’s probably a really good thing that when he shows up here out of nowhere I don’t get the butterflies. When you start sleeping with someone and you get into the sex-honeymoon thing where after the first time you fiend to do it as much as possible, as soon as possible, you also get the butterflies when his texts pop up, or when you see him. I’m not having any butterflies. I’m not getting that hit of whatever the brain chemical is. That’s a good thing. Also, you know what else is a good thing? I don’t have to feel like banging Juan a bunch of times in quick succession is a sign that banging Schü is boring or unsatisfactory or even tired. The teddy bear does things that the Schü won’t. It’s not that it’s better. It’s different.

André would never squeeze my neck like that, no matter how many times I ask, and I would never ask him anyway because I know how upset it would make him. He never got over that night at Christmas- our first Christmas- when I basically begged him to abuse me. He never got over what I looked like in the morning with the hickeys, and bite marks, and bruises from his hands. I think my lip was even bleeding. I know I was bleeding from an even worse place when I got in the shower but he didn’t even know that and it was still so traumatic for him that he didn’t touch me for weeks, so... I don’t think he’d oblige if I said “Hey babe can you squeeze my neck until it leaves a mark?”. Or he might do it just because he wants to please, but he would feel awful about it and hate it, so I wouldn’t want him to. Also he would then be all afraid that I want to hurt myself and use him to do it. And that’s not the case. I just find it really hot when the teddy bear gets a little rapey. It’s a turn on. It’s such a departure from his normal character. Maybe it’s like I feel special that I get to see him go after what he wants that way because I’m so used to his selflessness, and it’s like controlling me in bed is something he wants and enjoys so much that he can’t maintain his usual commitment to that selflessness. Who needs to kiss and tell to a best friend to figure out how you feel about sex when you can do an awesome job sorting it out on your own while lowering jumps, Christina complimented herself on her mental fortitude as she wiggled a wing standard in to make the Red Bull oxer less wide.

Natasha tried to get the players to go help with the jump adjustments but one cited a footwear-related excuse and the other made the case that Christina could do it faster on her own because she wouldn’t have to keep stopping to tell them what to do. She stayed in the ring to do the lesson quite seriously, and mostly on her feet. During a little break for child and pony, she sat on her faux brick wall and took her warm and comfortable Dubarry boot off to remove her knee sock and take the tape off her ankle. Sometimes she forgot to cut or tear it away when she was finished riding if she wasn’t immediately changing her pants or if she didn’t have a reason to take her socks off. Leaving it on wasn’t good for it. It was getting better though. It still hurt when she rode, and it still hurt after she rode; it still hurt when she worked out, and it still hurt when she sat down at the end of the day or got in bed. It just hurt less. The percentage of time that the pain was excruciating instead of just a tolerable aching sensation was less than before her last treatment in Munich.

That regiment was exhausted and there wasn’t anything else readily available to try, so Christina and everyone in her close circle hoped the benefits were not yet fully realized. She didn’t talk about it much. Most people were accustomed to her pain being constant and predictable and didn’t even bother to ask about it anymore, and she didn’t want to go offering up that it was maybe feeling a little less bad, because she was afraid of tempting fate. She was afraid that was all she was going to get- that the benefits were already maxed out. At some point she was supposed to go back to the Die Mannschaft doctor for an “exit scan” to see if the injections eliminated the blood vessels that were supposedly responsible for her pain. If they weren’t gone by then, they weren’t going away. Each time she went for one of the three injections the scan showed fewer of them. She didn’t know how long it was reasonable to expect the sclerosing treatment to continue to work. She had no idea if her first injection would still be doing its thing when she got the second one three months later or if it would have already been “finished” before that, or if it was going to keep going for months and months and the next treatment was just to boost it, or double it, or what. Such was her reluctance to believe anything would ever “cure” her, she was never interested enough to ask really in-depth questions of her doctor.

“I’m gonna go get something warm to drink,” she announced to the adults after announcing to the child that his lesson was finished. It was much darker and colder out than when it started. Eden got up to go inside too, and Natasha told him she had to stay to wait for Yannis to be finished walking Cornflakes out, so he sat back down. Juan had evidently had enough of being cold. He hopped down the gazebo stairs to meet Christina at the gate.

“Want this back?” he asked with the proffered scarf when they fell into step. The rider took the navy and heather houndstooth wool but didn’t put it around her neck.

“How come you’re here?” she inquired instead, slightly cautious.

“Eden said he wanted to see the training so I offered to bring him here,” the player shrugged. “Did I overuse my open invitation?”

“No, I- I dunno. I want to make sure we’re not already being dumb about...this. Remember when I said it can’t be all the time?” Christina kept her voice low as they walked into the barn, and she made a beeline for the tack room instead of slowing to pat any of the many noses over doors along the way.

“I had no intention of coming over until he brought up the kids,” Juan insisted. “I’ll go if that’s what you want.”

“No, of course not. And watch your mouth,” his beneficial friend warned with raised brows as she leaned backward on the door, waiting to open it. Leo was inside cleaning his bridle, and he heard everything and repeated almost as much. “Want anything?”

“What are you having?”

“Oriental spice herbal tea. No caffeine.”

“Sounds good.”

“It’s the orangey one.”

“Okay.” Player followed rider inside and pretended to be interested in the bridle cleaning while she used the coffee machine to fill two mugs with hot water. Leo had to stand on an overturned bucket to even reach his bridle on the cleaning hook suspended from the ceiling, and he still struggled to reach the crownpiece and brow band, so he actually asked the Spaniard to hold it for him. “Chris, what are you doing for the rest of the day? Are you done with work or no?”

“I’m going to drink my tea and write a schedule on the board for tomorrow, and then I’m going home to make dinner and sit on the couch with Lukas.”

“Do I have another lesson tomorrow, Chris?” Leo asked with a hopeful lilt.

“Yes, with Kyle.”

“I like it better when it’s you!”

“I knooooow but I have to ride all my ponies in the morning and then go to Germany for something. You have football in the morning so you won’t be here when I am.” Christina dropped a teabag into each cup and set the timer on the microwave for 6 minutes. “Do you want to ride on your own or with Yannis? With Yannis is more fun when it’s Kyle, no?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, I’m going to go write it down.”

By the time she was finished writing her horses and notes on the whiteboard for everyone to follow in the morning and ready to get her tea, Leo had Juan doing the tack cleaning for him and was sitting on a trunk drinking chocolate milk. The scene tugged at her heart a little. He really should go find a real girlfriend and get to work on the whole family thing, she thought. He really will be the most amazing dad, because he can make anybody feel better or feel okay, he has plenty of smarts to pass on, he knows how to have fun, he likes to engage with kids, and he actually has willpower. He will be strict enough not to cave to everything his kids want, but he’ll want them to be their own people and make their own mistakes and grow up as responsible and kind individuals. His kids will be so down to earth. Lukas is going to end up spoiled as hell. I know it.

Eden came in with Yannis’ saddle and bridle and looked around, helplessly unsure of what to do with them. Christina took the bridle and directed him to the proper saddle rack on the back wall. Having everybody around made her a touch sad, because it made her think about how different it would be in Dortmund. There she would only ever have Stefanie, Kyle, Tom, and whoever Tom wanted to work under him around- no Hazard kids to keep things interesting and cute, no Natasha for company, no Eden for the comedy, and no Juan for any of the multitude of things he offered with his presence. No one was just going to drop by in Dortmund, unless Mario got in the habit of showing up to see Stefanie. That relationship was ambiguous and confusing anyway. Christina realized as she watched Leo try to teach Juan how to tie up Wizzy’s bridle in a figure eight that she had no idea who she was even going to hang out with in her new home. Zoe was a friend but not a close one, and not one she even wanted to be closer to. It seemed unlikely to her that Marco would want to go on coffee and shopping dates with her. He’d want to hang out with André too, and obviously she would be spending time with her partner but the point of friends was to have other people to go out and do things with instead of just him. Stefanie and Kyle were students. One was a full-fledged employee as well and the other sort of worked for her too. The established pro knew not to mix those things up with close friendship. That could be a bad thing for all involved.

And worst of all the ominous thoughts that hit her in the tack room, she had no idea how she would even make new friends. When she moved to London she had Samantha at least, and she had a friend of André’s who wanted to get to know her because he had an instant crush on her. Natasha reached out to her to become friends, and that was in part because Christina was different from a lot of the other Chelsea girls. The Dortmund girls, as far as she knew, were a lot like those other Chelsea girls, or in other words, people who she didn’t have much in common with. In conclusion, she was really feeling the anticipatory pain of missing her circle, and missing the atmosphere at her place that she’d grown so used to and so fond of.

“Are you just waiting for everybody to get out of here?” Juan asked her when he was done messing around with Eden and Leo. His ex was just sitting at the table staring into space.

“No. I don’t need to be here for that,” she shrugged. “Are you leaving when they do? Do you want spicy traditional and pesto-Alfredo lasagna?”

“Why do you bother with making two different kinds?” he chuckled. “Isn’t it annoying enough to make just one, since I’m sure you make your own sauce and grate your cheese and-“

“Because I like to have both kinds, and I pack the pesto and Alfredo layered one full of veggies. Regular lasagna only has the veggies that are in the sauce. That’s not enough veggies for a balanced meal. I’d have to make a salad to go with it. I don’t want salad. I had salad for lunch.”

“Then why not just make the one with the vegetables?”

“Not enough protein. You can’t put meat in that. The moisture from the veggies would ruin the texture. Sometimes I make just the pesto-Alfredo lasagna and do meatballs on the side, because you can cut up the lasagna and put them in there and get the two sauces on them and it’s nice, then, but we just had meatballs the other night.”

“When did you start caring so much about veggies and protein and complete meals, hmm? I don’t remember you always being so careful about your eating as you have the last couple of years. I remember pizza and two cappuccinos for lunch, a Red Bull during shopping, and a bowl of pasta and cream for dinner with your soda.” The Spanish midfielder smiled teasingly while he sipped his tea across the table.

“When I started caring about looking after myself,” Christina shrugged. “When someone gave me the opportunity to care about things besides horses.” When somebody loved me and made me like myself enough to want to take care of myself.

“I don’t think anyone gave you anything.”

“Whatever,” she chuckled, feigning amusement just to avoid getting any more pensive. The two friends, and lovers, were having a conversation about one thing but really talking about another, and she didn’t want to get into the second thing. She didn’t want to get into an examination of the effect of falling in love with André on the rest of her life, and what she thought of herself, and what mattered. “Do you want half and half lasagna or no?”

“Sure.”

“No dessert though,” she warned, still speaking of one thing and meaning another. Juan knew what she meant. There was no sex on the menu. She was, at least in her own head, adamant about that. I don’t feel like doing that, I don’t want to do it three days in a row and exploit this whole thing, and to be honest, I’m a little sore from last night, she reminded herself, shoring up her resolve. There is even a little spot so raw that it stings when I pee. Just friends tonight.

She put him in charge of grating regular mozzarella for the inside of her lasagna and slicing fresh mozzarella for the top once they said goodbye to the others and went up to the house. The goodbye was slightly self-conscious on her part because she worried about the optics of Juan staying for dinner. That wasn’t an unusual or suspicious thing on any given day. She worried it looked suspicious because both Hazards knew they went to Spain together the day before. Yannis was taking forever to put his stuff away and she didn’t want to just wait them out. Lasagna-making was a lengthy process for her. While her dinner guest took care of the cheese, she had to defrost some homemade spicy marinara, brown ground beef and sausage, make pesto in the food processor, parboil the noodle sheets, and reduce cream and butter on the stove for the Alfredo. Once the two types were assembled in separate glass casserole dishes and set in the oven, Christina left Juan to babysit Lukas so she could take a quick shower, and when she was finished with that she took advantage of the privacy upstairs to call André.

“Are you totally pooped?” she asked him once they apologized to one another for not having more contact throughout the day. Their excuses matched. They were busy. They were both on other people’s schedules.

“Beyond totally pooped. This team doesn’t do “ease the guys back into work after holiday”. It could have been worse. I’m glad I tried to do some activity every day. What about you? How was your day, pretty girl?” André let out a long exhale- the kind one does when finally relaxing after a long day. He was lying in his hotel bed and wishing it were dinnertime. He’d been there a while already. Talking to his girl just helped to unwind more, and feel less drained by fitness training and benchmark testing that seemed to go on all day long. Vacation agenda to physical work agenda wasn’t the only tough transition. Being with family 24/7 to being with the team 24/7 was also a shock to the system. He missed Lukas. He missed Christina. He missed being surrounded by people who really cared what he had to say, and who knew about everything he might want to talk about. His friends and teammates had their own stuff to talk about.

“It was okay. The blog lady was nice. I had to make stuff up because I don’t have that many secrets to success. It’s a little lonely at the barn right now,” the rider admitted. “Stef rides before I get there, the guys are busy doing work. You’re not around to visit for lunch and bring Lukas. Espen keeps him here at the house, out of the cold. I didn’t even bring the dogs out with me today because I didn’t want them getting in the way of the blog lady and her camera guy. I was going to come home and see Lukas for a little before she got here but then I realized I needed to put some makeup on and find a clean adidas jacket. Nat was here after that with the kids, and Eden got Juan to bring him over to watch too, and that was better but now I’m thinking about how lonely it’s going to be at the new place.”

“You’ll be with Tom every day. Isn’t that a plus?” At least she’s telling me how she feels, the German player thought. And in a rational, calm way instead of a tantrum.

“Yeah, but plus one Tom doesn’t cancel out minus one Isa, four Hazards, one Juan, Sam...”

“Maybe you’ll get to know my teammates’ girls better and some of their kids will want to ride,” he suggested, trying to sound optimistic.

“What are they going to ride, babe? I don’t have school horses and ponies to teach beginner lessons on.”

“We could-“

“And I don’t want any.”

“You’re a smart, fun girl to be around, Prinzessin. I’m sure you’ll make friends. Zoe must have some interesting people that she hangs out with. You have Stefanie, and Kyle. Maybe they meet some new friends in their apartment building, and then you get to meet them too. Same with Espen.” Not. Chris doesn’t make friends. She spent like 30 weekends a year with Daniel for three or four years before she decided they could be friends. But, André countered his own instincts, still optimistic. I’m going to spend a lot of time with her and Mausi. I’m going to take them out to do things so that they like the area. I want it to be home for them. “And I have friends here, or near here, that you haven’t gotten to know yet. They have girlfriends. Let’s just focus on getting ourselves settled, and getting the barn settled, and then everything else comes on its own, just like when you first moved in with me.” He wanted to keep things calm, and extinguish anxiety before it blossomed again. He had his own anxiety about how his girl would adapt. His most incessant worry was that she would use every possible opportunity to go back to London to visit Natasha and Juan. If she spent two weekends out of every month at horse shows, one in London, and only one at home, things would get bad between them again quickly. They still hadn’t decided on a plan for their English estate either. They hadn’t decided whether to list it for sale or to try to lease it out, and if they sought a tenant if it would be for the house and the stable together, one or the other, both but separate, just the cottage, etc. Independently of that decision, André thought about the consequences of Christina having a house or a cottage available to flee to. But the more he thought about that, the more he thought it would actually be better if she had her own place to go to when she wanted to visit London to see friends or for work, because the alternative was probably staying with Juan. Surely, he figured, she would choose his apartment over a guestroom at the Hazard house, or a hotel.

“Yeah,” Christina replied noncommittally. She thought less about what he actually said and more about the way he said it, and that he said it. She appreciated that he was trying to address her issues in a somewhat sensible way instead of just assuring her everything would be fine without providing any substance or reason. Also she just missed him, and hearing him try to be comforting made it worse.

“What are you and Mausi up to tonight? Want to watch a movie with me later, after dinner? You can pick, and talk through the whole thing.”

“I have lasagna in the oven and Juan is still here.”

“Again?” Come on. I said they could fuck if they want, not move in together.

“Not like that again. He did the Eden-Azpi carpool today and Eden wanted him to bring him here instead of home. He’s not staying. And I would love to watch a movie with you later. Call me whenever you’re ready.” I’m def bringing the puppies upstairs to get in bed with me for Moviefone time, Christina thought. “Moviefone time”, named after the movie ticket hotline and website she used when she was a teenager, was how she labeled watching a movie with someone in two different places, linked via phone call or Face Time. Ironically, she first began the practice with Juan, in Hong Kong. “I would love” was no exaggeration, however. The only thing she wanted more was to watch a movie with André in person instead of over the phone.

“I trust you, Prinzessin, but please don’t try to find out exactly where the line is between what I understand and don’t mind, and what hurts.”

“I’m not. I have my own line too and I think it’s actually closer than yours. He knows that too. He respects it.”

“He stayed last night, though, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing that matters.”

“Use your head, all right?” I don’t want to regret this, the footballer sighed inside. What’s so great about him that she’s hardly been away from him in like two and a half days? She was apart from him so much while I was home that she has to make up for it now? I don’t even believe the things that come to mind right now, but it’s so hard not to think of all the bad possibilities. I just want to trust her, and feel like it’s the right thing.

“I’m using my head and my heart and both are for you.” His partner was pretty quiet. The new situation was already beginning to seem like a problem, and that was not at all what she wanted. It was supposed to be part of the solution. She wanted to be more emphatic in her own defense but that didn’t feel like the right play, and she didn’t want there to even be a game. “I need to go make sure my lasagnas aren’t burning.”

“I’ll call you later.”

“Do you have to go? I wasn’t saying bye. There’s this crazy benefit to mobile phones, known as “mobility”. I can walk from my vanity all the way downstairs to the kitchen with the phone.”

“Smartass.”

#hi again #football fanfiction

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