#AND i presented that to the whole class what the fuck was i on

[alukaforyou]

probably one of THE most embarrassing / audacious things i have ever done that haunts me to this day was when i was 12-14 cant remember exactly when, i saw this gorgeous art of a ship i liked from [redacted], and i was like "i have GOT to recreate this" and decided to make a duplicate of it on a HUGE piece of mixed media paper like 18 x 24 inches, no idea y i needed to do this but i sketched it out trying to get it exactly the same as the original art, and watercolored it, it was actually kind of impressive since i dont ever work large or use traditional media, BUT it was legit of 2 anime boys basically kissing on the floor with roses 💀💀💀💀💀💀 and i didnt even bother to hide that shit or anything, like i just put it away in the closet cuz thats the only place it would FIT, and im p sure my entire fam saw it like READ ✔️ and they said NOTHING about it 🫠 i dont know if i disposed of it before i moved out like it can very much still be in my closet at my parents apt now oh my god im gonna crumble to dust if i see that piece of paper again

[definitelynotnia]

im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed

my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.

and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.

anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,

I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me

im going by metro which is quite safe

im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18

she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)

anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm

so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?

anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".

and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.

[typingwithmyhandstied]

tw vent

[starlooove]

You put dick is retconned as Romani in the 90s so he’s white actually and Katy is retconned as Bruce’s cousin in the 2000s so she’s still his cousin in the same post? Ok

[falling-hand-in-unlovable-hand]

the worst part of break is the last day when you're just drowning in stress thinking about going back. i feel literally physically nauseous

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[lionblaze03-2]

sometimes I think about writing and singing music not because I’m an incredible singer but because no one has my fucking voice, especially in popular music, and its disheartening to be born a girl, told you’ll only get girl roles or try to voice match other girls, or ‘sing with the girls’ and then only be able to match male voices because you’re a fuckin tenor and not anything higher. I can’t think of any girl Broadway roles I can hit all the notes on. Most songs I love I have to pitch down for myself or use falsetto for singing along to. It bothers me a lot less now because I’m an adult who’s more secure in myself but as a teen in kids musical theatre it FUCKED with me, BAD style. And I know for a fact that even now when I hear people with a voice like mine singing I get excited and immediately invested in their work because they’re like ME, finally, for once. A brother in this world of being afab and having the voice of a recently pubescent boy forever. Maybe I should be that brother too.

[blue-hi]

group project is gonna make me scream. it's due at 4

i'm gonna go bitch in the tags because i have to vent somewhere

[non-un-topo]

You can only read a dry academic text for so many hours before your eyes cross and your head starts wanting to hit your keyboard

[fantasy-costco]

I think if a tumblr user says anything about history they should include Chicago style citations in the post. This is also true for other areas of study but I don't really know much about those so I only get filled with a blind rage when history posts are wrong. So that's what we need to fix first. For me.

[noxtivagus]

I LOVE LITERATURE SO MUCH. MY FAV COURSE FR

[fingertipsmp3]

Girl help I just realised this coding course me and my friend signed up for has a PRESENTATION COMPONENT?? As in we have to PRESENT something to a group of who knows how many people?! ONLINE????? What, and I cannot stress this enough, the fuck

[silverandebony]

.

[appreciatingtokrev]

i will honestly never get why our society behaves the way it does when it comes to accommodations. like, the ones for people with disabilities, illnesses, disorders (all three both physical & mental), fears, phobias, and the like. it makes no sense to me.

why would you wait for someone with social anxiety to have a panic attack on stage until you go ‘yeah, okay, maybe we shouldn’t have forced you to do this’ when they specifically asked not to present on stage because they have social anxiety and know that they won’t be able to handle it? why would you wait until an invisibly physically disabled person faints until you go ‘yeah, okay, maybe i should have made sure that they don’t have to do The Things They Say They Can’t Do even if they look like they can’ when they specifically told you? Why would you watch a person drop out of school because of unmedicated audhd and still not consider helping them when they specifically told you what they struggle with and what kind of help they’d like?

just those three are based on my experiences alone.

i will never fucking get it. why is it so hard to accommodate for someone when they specifically ask you to, give clear instructions, and explain to you what they can & can’t do?

and no, i don’t think any of the reasons i’ve heard for it should be commonly accepted. ‘i didn’t know’ yes, yes you did. you were told. ‘but how can i trust you? what if you’re lying about it?’ and?? what does it matter if i lie about having social anxiety as to not present on stage. why would i even do that? and if, hypotetically, i did. what do you lose from still accommodating me? what does it hurt to believe me? ‘it’s too complicated/hard/too much work’ i did not ask to have social anxiety. i did not ask to have audhd. i did not ask to have an invisible physical disability. i do my best to handle it, but sometimes i just can’t. and i can’t control that. the least you can do is make sure that you exclude me from activities that could harm me (both physically and mentally) and that can’t be that fucking hard. ‘it’s not/doesn’t look/seem that bad’ to YOU. however, it IS bad for me. i know my own body & mind better than you do, and i’m sorry that my issues are invisible, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. and, also, i can mask. but not always. that’s the whole point.

while i’m already at it, as a person with a few uncommon phobias/fears, i hate hate hate how we, as society, treat people with bad phobias/fears that ask you to accommodate for them. not everyone benefits from exposure therapy!!. if someone asks you not to do/show them something (that isn’t cruical to your survival, and/or long-term happiness. if you’re a diabetic and need to use a syringe on yourself to survive, risking that beth passes out because of her fear of needles is worth it, for example. you can also warn her, and the two of you can make sure that she never sees you using it on yourself without too much effort on either side. communicate!) because it scares them, then just don’t. it really isn’t that hard.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[david-watts]

today I’m going to be angry about past decisions