#AND living in clutter is not good for the mental all the time! trust me ive been there

[catgirlcrisis]

whoopsie-daisie hit reblog too fast

[daisychains334]

Chapter Three

I’ve always been a good fighter. Quick on my feet, strong, and agile, and; like my mother, i wasn’t one for taunting. I got the job done, and I did it well, whether that be a knockout or a kill.

But this was different. As this man stood before me, confused and angry, I considered my options. I obviously couldn’t kill him. I never killed for convenience, no matter how inconvenient keeping him alive might be. I could fight him? He wasn’t too big so that the odds would tip against me, but what would I do with him after? I couldn’t just drag an unconscious man through urban Montpelier, and I couldn’t leave him here. I supposed I’d have to talk my way out of this one.

“Where is she, then?” he asked impatiently. “I don’t have time for this.”

“She, uh, left with someone else. An older man?” I hoped he’d fill in the mental blanks and decide who he thought it was. Luckily, his facial expression indicated he had someone in mind.

“Fuck.” he muttered. “Her boyfriend. I told her to stay away from that asshole. Well-“ -he pulled his hood up and started walking back to his car- “-I know where to look now. Thanks for your help.”

I eyed his car. It’d be the perfect ride back to my apartment, cutting my commute time from two hours to twenty minutes. Before I could stop myself, I called out to him. “Wait! Uhm…could you spare a ride?”

He eyed me suspiciously. “Just how stupid do you have to be to get in the car with a stranger?”

“Probably about the same as your sister is for leaving with her “asshole boyfriend,”” I quipped.

He raised his eyebrows and didn’t say a word as he opened the passenger side door and went to sit down in the driver’s side. I got in. He turned the key and started driving, the gravel crunching under the wheels of a car that was really only designed for smooth concrete.

His car smelled like old leather and wet dog, surprisingly small inside compared to the sleek exterior. It was clean but cluttered, and scattered throughout were some CDs (I spotted Deftones, Nirvana, and-this one surprised me-Mitski.) There were receipts and ticket stubs for bands I’d never heard of, with illegible words scrawled hastily onto them.

I saw a few dog-eared books of poems, namely Sylvia Plath. I didn’t know men were even aware of Sylvia Plath. I picked one of the books up, opening to a page at random. He gave me a glance but remained silent as he drove.

I looked at the poem. It was I Am Vertical. I flipped to the next poem, which was full of notation and highlighted words, thoughts and ideas of how to improve it; interpretations of what it could mean. The notes intrigued me, but they felt too personal to look at. Upon flipping through the book more and more, I realized all the pages were annotated to the full. All except I Am Vertical. I wondered why that was, but I felt I shouldn’t ask him.

I set down the book and realized I hadn’t even told him where my apartment was. I cleared my throat. “Uh, Taylor Street Apartments. 05602.” He turned to me, raising an eyebrow. “My address?” I attempted. He nodded, turning back to the wheel. “Right. I was wondering when you were going to tell me that.” I nodded, unsure whether to laugh or not. I opted for a half-smile. He returned it.

We were quiet for a moment, listening to the last of the fireworks fade out.

“Do you live around here?” I asked lightly, trying to make conversation, but his face fell serious again. “If I did, would I tell you?”

I raised my eyebrows at the unexpected question.”Do you not trust me?”

He turned back to me. “Should I?”

Before I could stammer out an answer, he pulled up in front of my apartment complex. I got out, pausing for a second after I closed the door. I looped around the car, to his window. “You didn’t tell me your name.”

He tilted his head to the side. “Neither did you.” Without a second glance, he drove away. I stayed there for a second, watching him drive away. Then I went into the building, planning to go straight to my apartment and sleep. It’d been a long night.

[sexyzuka]

A Fateful Encounter

Part Three - Dinner for Two

Pairing: Kiba Inuzuka x Reader

Word Count: 7k+

Content: 18+, fem!reader, werewolf!reader, animal death, graphic violence, blood, angst, mental health, self-harm ideation, pet names

Summary: Your flimsy façade of humanity crumbled the second Kiba saw you transform. There's a tacit understanding between you two, but it's a transitory, conditional truce held together by fraying threads of intrigue. Kiba agreed to keep your secret, but in return you have to keep your promise and go on a date with him. Since sneaking into Konoha again isn’t a viable option, you decide to surprise Kiba by offering to hunt down the tastiest dinner he’s ever had, and what's more luxurious than fresh venison? Tensions flare as you divulge details about your past that ignite Kiba’s ferocious jealous streak. Will you be able to keep your cool while also protecting your pack from the inevitable destructiveness that shadows humankind like a pernicious plague?

Writers Notes: Hey everyone! I took a small break from writing due to being at New York Comic Con this past weekend, but I’m back with another chapter. This time we find our dauntless heroine faced with yet another moral quandary. She has to decide if exposing her deepest secret and potentially sacrificing herself is worth it if it means her pack will be spared. I've included a very graphic and detailed description of the killing and butchering of a deer in this chapter, so as always please use your discretion choosing to interact with my work. The references to criminology and investigative techniques are based on practices in the United States, so readers from other countries might find discrepancies between the approaches Kiba uses versus the ones they may be acquainted with. I did a fair amount of research throughout the drafting process and really put my heart and soul into this chapter, so I hope you enjoy!

You can read the previous chapter here!

The oppressive, dry air around you keeps you on high alert. A lingering sense of uneasiness permeates every cell in your being. The only thing grounding you is the weight of your companion, his frail frame nestled in your arms.

What if he changes his mind and follows me to the den? I can't put my faith into someone I just met, let alone a human. I'm so stupid, I should have taken care of him when I had the chance. Nothing good ever comes from trusting them.

"Hey, big sis Izumi," a faint voice calls out to you. "This isn't the way we normally go back home. Weren't we supposed to turn left at that big boulder back there?"

You were so caught up in your own thoughts you carelessly missed the clandestine trail that took you to your clan's den. Somehow this was his fault too.

"You're right, Hana. Sorry, big sis is a little scatterbrained today. Let's backtrack a bit before continuing on our way," you sighed while inaudibly cursing profanities under your breath.

All. His. Fault.

After a small detour you made it to the secretive sanctuary you and your clan called home. It wasn't too fancy, just a regular rather mundane den maintained by you and the older wolves, but what made it a truly resplendent refuge in your eyes was the dearth of people in the nearby area. In fact, in the decades that your clan had lived in this area there were only a handful of unwanted visitors. Mostly hikers getting lost, and the occasional ninja passing through, too busy on their mission to give any extra thought to a pack of unassuming wildlife, but for the most part you lived a blissfully solitary life here.

And that's just how you liked it...is what you would normally think if your mind wasn't so cluttered with images of that dreadfully attractive man. What was his name again? Oh right, Kiba. Kiba Inuzuka.

You know, the ninken you'd chatted with on a run recently had nothing but praise for his clan. Most of them enjoyed belonging to their human partners, choosing to live that domestic life instead of embracing their divine right to be feral but free, unshackled by the weight of mankind. Couldn't be me, you thought to yourself. I belong to no one but myself.

Still, there was a nagging feeling brewing in the pit of your stomach. The electrical impulses stimulating your nervous system jolted an emotion that you hadn't felt in years, decades even. A voracious appetite that couldn't be quashed by the flesh of your clan's latest catch. No, the only prey that could quell this craving was patiently waiting for you, a brazen yet charming man who so naively trusted a woman who committed theft right in front of his face. How gullible can one person be?

Well, you thought to yourself while gently placing Kōtarō next to the other youths huddled together, sleeping peacefully, I guess I shouldn't keep my date waiting for me too long now, should I?

"Big sis is going to head out now, okay Hana?" You gave a nod to the young pup who was eagerly looking up at you with an expectant gaze. "Go get some sleep, you must be exhausted."

"Okay, big sis Izumi. See you at moonrise," the drowsy whelp yawned while unsteadily walking towards the rest of her snoozing pack.

One final goodbye to the clan's elder and you were off. You could scarcely contain the fervor that was growing inside of your belly. You should be fast asleep like the rest of your pack, it was the middle of the day after all, but with every step you took there was an accompanying vibration of pure, unadulterated energy that invigorated your very core.

How long has it been since you felt this way? How many years of self-imposed seclusion were you throwing away by giving into this desire? You did swear off talking to humans, after all.

But this feels different. He feels different, a facetious fib that would hurt no one but yourself if it turned out you were wrong. Because at the end of the day, the rest of your pack were just simple wolves. If this man turned out to have ill intent towards you, at the very least you would be the only lycanthrope in his crosshairs. You made a promise to yourself to never turn anyone else into the same affront to nature, the downright monstrosity, that you are.

And unless there's some underground werewolf fraternity I haven't found in this past century, it's safe to say that we won't be running into the freakshow Freemasons anytime soon.

You scoff at yourself as you pass the familiar boulder that denotes the halfway mark to your destination. After a quick exhale you double down your efforts, noticing that the sun is far past its apex in the sky. How long has it been since you left the man? Is he still there? Well, no use in doubting yourself now, you already committed to rendezvousing and you don't think he's the type who would appreciate being stood up.

It's not like I have a choice, you jeer at yourself, he saw me transform right in front of him. Even if I did get away today, he would just track me down. His outrageously keen sense of smell is definitely a big nuisance. I'm honestly surprised a human can even-  

"Hello there, princess." The baritone intonations echoed throughout the forest, assaulting your eardrums with a barbed arrogance.

You were so lost in thought that even your astonishment was delayed. The world was buffering around you, the taunts not processing until you were practically face to face with the man. The sudden realization that your date would soon come to fruition causes you to lose your balance, and you trip over yourself. A rugged hand reaches down and grabs you before you become one with the earth.

"Wow, it looks like you just can't stop falling for me," a roaring laugh coinciding with the lighthearted mockery flitters around your body.

You would be angrier with him if he didn't just save you from unceremoniously landing on your face, so you decide, rather judiciously, to ignore that last comment.

The man helps you up to your feet, stifling a laugh by holding his other hand up to his mouth. Ah, so he's the type to laugh at his own lame ass jokes, you think to yourself while you brush off the dust that has accumulated over your cloak.

"Welcome back, princess," a glowing smile radiated from the man's face as he folded his arms across his chest, "You sure took your sweet time getting back here. I almost thought you stood me up."

"Well you know, we princesses are very busy women," you say while rolling your eyes and doing an exaggerated curtsy, "And the court jester is not high on the list of people we'd rush for." A complete lie. You were just trying to call his bluff by being cheeky in response. If his hearing was as good as his sense of smell he'd steal you instantly from the castle window you were precariously perched on.

"Ouch. Is that the faintest hint of sarcasm I'm detecting from you, princess?" He was betting on your inability to keep the façade up for much longer. Even you could smell the pheromones that you were unconsciously emitting, so not even Selene the Moon Goddess would be able to get you out of this one. It looks like the only thing to do now is up the ante and bank on getting a royal flush.

"My deepest and most sincere apologies, sir. Let me make it up to you by offering our special menu for this evening," you proclaim while holding out your hand after an exaggerated flourish.

"I'm listening." The man raises one eyebrow while keeping his arms crossed.

"May I interest you in the finest and freshest venison you've ever tasted in your entire life?" You ask with a deviously fiendish smirk, arm outstretched and beckoning.

"Venison?" He replied incredulously.

"Well, it's not like this forest just has a bunch of wild bulls roaming around. And since someone destroyed my changing room, I can't just mosey on back to Konoha for dinner." The thought of procuring dinner for the two of you ignited a primal urge that was welling up inside of you like a tsunami, a tumultuous tempest growing stronger by the second.

"It might not be that steak dinner you were hoping for, but this will be an experience of a lifetime. I promise. Wolf's honor." 

Kiba could sense the excitement in your voice. And it's true, there was nothing that aroused your senses more than the thrill of the hunt and the very moment when your canines punctured the supple flesh of your unsuspecting prey. 

"Alright, you know what? Sure," he acquiesced. "How can I say no to a face like that?"

That's all you needed to hear. With a quick nod and a seductive wink you responded, "Wait here, sugar. I'll be right back."

You'd already been listening for those unmistakable subtle murmurs, the heartbeats of your prey. 25 meters northeast. There it was. You instinctively transformed your hands into claws and sharpened your canines, the blistering pain heightening your senses even further.

A few more meters and it was in view, a delectable yet unsuspecting doe. You perched yourself in a nearby tree bough before inhaling slowly through your mouth. You could practically taste the umami in the air. You dug your claws partially into the tree bark, bracing yourself for the best part of any dinner, the kill.

You bellow a fierce growl as you jump down from the aging oak and delve into your target with an ardent vehemence. When your nails vigorously pierce the pliable frame, you're overcome by a sense of unadulterated euphoria. You can feel the life seep out of your victim and onto your claws, the red nectar painting your nails a gorgeous hue. A wave of exhilaration hits as you feel the young deer twitch and resist against you.

I'll never get tired of this, you think to yourself, a sinister smirk emerging on your face. After all, this is the closest I'll get to feeling alive again. After a few more seconds of riding this high you decide to put your prey out of its misery. With an impressive amount of force you ruthlessly chomp down on its jugular, the doe's body going limp almost instantaneously. You swear you could almost feel the deer's soul leaving its tattered vessel. The thought sends a merciless chill down your spine.

Guess I still got a little bit of humanity left in me after all of these years, you chide at yourself, who woulda guessed?

You hoisted the ragged body of your prey onto your back, supporting it with one of your claws while admiring the other. Damn this shade of red really is to die for, you chortled as you marveled at the splotchy tint covering your nails and most of your arm. Well, you think to yourself as you adjust the deer on your back to a more comfortable and secure position, I shouldn't keep him waiting much longer now, should I?

You were feeling especially giddy on the walk back, sauntering with a lithe stride and huge smile on your blood-spattered face. The ecstasy from earlier steadfastly persisting despite the flow of time, the lingering scent of your delicious meal keeping it from dissipating fully. As you grew closer to your meeting spot, though, the bliss was covertly being replaced with nagging twangs of anxiety. You remembered that there was an unfortunate drawback to dinner this evening, you'd have to be vulnerable with a human and share the strange details about your paradoxical existence that even you didn't fully understand.

"Back so soon, princess?" You heard a familiar voice ring out, cutting through the loitering anxiety with a dulcet effervescence.

"Do you need some help ther-

Oh gosh, you're covered in blood. Are you okay?" A confused yet profound weight clung onto his words.

"I'm more than okay," you smiled as you readjusted today's kill with one spry motion, "I'm practically giddy, you could say. Don't you think this shade of red is simply ravishing?"

You could see the look of horror on his face as you sauntered closer. And why wouldn't he be intimidated? It's not every day you see a young woman with the carcass of a mangled corpse slumped over her shoulders, shrouded in a sanguine veil.

"What's wrong? Wolf's got your tongue?" you chuckled as a self-assured smirk involuntarily took over your countenance.

"You're just so-" he appeared as though he was lost in thought, as if the words that described the monstrosity before him simply escaped from his mind's tenuous grasp.

"So what?" you had to stop yourself from giggling.

"So..." he put his hand up to his face, covering it partially, "so freakin' hot when you're all covered in blood like that. Sorry, I need a minute."

Did he just say "hot?" So he's not terrified of the anomalous atrocity standing before him? That was a new one. Usually anyone who witnessed you in this state would have already ran for their lives. But I guess he's just too cocky, or maybe too dumb to realize just who, or rather what he asked out on a dinner date. You know, you think to yourself, I didn't expect our "date" to make it this far. By now most men are long gone, and I'd be enjoying this feast in my solitude. But this idiot is still here, which means I really do have to tell him the truth, don't I?

An extended silence filled the stale air with an insidious touch of peril that grew ever stronger with each passing second. The corpse on your back began to stiffen, rigor mortis setting in with an uncaring indifference to your conundrum.

"Did you," his voice trails off, breaking the silence briefly before the quiet takes hold once again.

"Did I?" you manage to jabber, your pulse quickening as the anticipation stimulates your nervous system.

"Did you really kill that deer for me? A whole deer just for me? Wow, I can't believe you had me speechless for a minute there. Me? Of all people?" he blabbered as he put one of his hands behind his head, his head shaking ever so slightly from the incredulity of this entire situation.

"Not just for you," you retort in a shaky voice. There he goes again with that unmistakable haughtiness in his tone. Your trepidation turns into irritation as you regain control over your psyche once more. "There's no way you'd be able to eat all of this anyways."

"You wanna bet?" a smug grin was beginning to form on his face.

"Sure," you acquiesce while shrugging," If you can't eat every last bite then you leave the forest and never come back," you proposition, calling his bluff with an equal level of impudence.

"Hey now, that wasn't the plan. You promised me a dinner date, and we're going to have a date, princess," he declared as he crossed his arms, keeping full eye contact with you the entire time. "Or do I have to detain you and bring you back to the station for questioning? There's probable cause that illegal hunting was-"

"T-that won't be necessary," you bite your tongue a little as you stutter out the words.

"Good girl, that's what I like to hear." His expression lightened as he beamed a radiant smile in your direction. "But before we begin the festivities, I need you to answer one thing for me."

Goodbye sweet solitude, it was nice knowing you. Well, it's better to just get it over with and break the bone fully so that the fractured splinters of my existence can be set properly. The first step to recovery is acknowledging that I fucked up royally, and there's no denying that.

"You're a-" he began, but was cut off by your curt response before he could utter the repugnant word.

"A werewolf, yes."

"So, you're not denying it?" his tone was an octave higher than usual, spurred on by his astonishment.

"It can't be helped. You saw me transform. More than once. Even a monster knows when it's checkmate," you sigh as you lower your prey to the ground, placing the pallid body gingerly on the dry earth. "Tsumi," you say as you slowly rise back up, eyes closed and hands out with your palms up. "Even a golden general is still just a pawn once that thin veneer is washed away."

"What are you doing?" You hear a voice drawing closer to your body, heavy footsteps crunching the mid-autumn leaves.

"Are you really going to make me say it?" you exclaim with your eyes still shut tightly, holding back a few tears so desperately trying to make their escape.

"Listen, princess, I-"

"If you're going to arrest me just do it already!" you screech, using all of your might to hold back the onslaught of tears on the cusp of breaching the barricade of your eyelids. "Just please don't go after my pack! You can do whatever you want with me, all I ask is that you spare them."

"Who said anything about arresting you?"

"You did," you sniffled, looking up at the man with a few meandering teardrops clouding your vision slightly, "multiple times."

"Me? Arrest you? Never," he reached out to brush a few strands of your hair away from your eyes. "I really don't like making girls cry, it makes me feel like a total jackass," he said as he tried to hold your gaze in vain. It was impossible for you to maintain eye contact with him, your sense of self-loathing at what you had become weighed you down with an insurmountable amount of pressure.

"But isn't it your job to lock away monsters like me?" you whimpered while averting your eyes from the man.

"I could never detain a girl as pretty as you, unless it's for house arrest."

"I don't have a house," you respond flatly, cautiously glancing up to meet the man's surprisingly jovial disposition.

"Who said anything about your house? I have a pad too," Kiba said while puffing out his chest and pointing to himself, "It might not be that big since Kōtarō has been extra stingy with this year's raise, but all we need is one bedroom, right?"

This man. This cheeky ass bastard. He did just see you transform, right? And yet he chooses to hit on you relentlessly. He's either unbelievably fearless or he has a death wish. Either way, you can't help but admire his audacity. The sheer absurdity of his responses to you dispels your apprehension and you begin to chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Kiba furrows his brow as he places one hand on his chin.

"You," it was incredibly hard for you to suppress your laughter long enough to continue your jive, "You seriously just invited me into your house. Me? The werewolf. The queen of abominations herself?"

"I said what I said," he countered with a sour expression.

"Sorry, I just," you take a second to inhale, regaining the breath you lost to the overwhelming humor of the situation, "I don't think I've met a human this crazy since Hidan."

"Wait, Hidan?" Kiba's countenance changed instantaneously as soon as the words left your bloodied lips. 

"Yeah, you know him or something?" you shrugged with a detached tone in your voice.

"Know him?" You could feel the palpable indignation, festering with a sharp ferocity, "he killed my sensei's lover."

"Ouch. Yeah, he does tend to do that," you realize that you may have made a fatal mistake by bringing up Hidan's name.

"Wait, how do you know him??" The look of disgust evident on Kiba's face pierced through the remnants of your frail barricade.

"Oh well, once upon a time we may have had... a fling or two." You resigned yourself to the fact that you'd divulged too much and there was no turning back.

"A fling? Wait, aren't you a little too young for that? You don't look a day over twenty five."

"Aww, you really know how to flatter a gal. Try adding a century to that, and you'll be a bit closer to my actual age." There's no use in lying now, if he can handle that I'm a monster, then what's the harm in sharing this with him too?

"A... century?" The question was more for himself than for you. It seemed like he was performing calculus, the numbers dancing in his imagination like infernal reminders of the circumstance he found himself in. Steadfastly approaching the limit to infinity, but never quite reaching the apex of the function.

"So you're... 125 years old?" It looks like he was finally ready to submit his self-imposed mathematics assignment, but the answer key was obscured by the enigma of your presence.

"Give or take a few years. Birthdays aren't as magical after you hit one hundred, a painful reminder more than anything else, if I'm being honest." Your eyes lost their lustre as you reminisced about the kin you'd lost over the years, those who would never again be there to celebrate with you. "Heh, well not like I'd expect you to understand."

"But you're telling me Hidan does understand?"

Jeez, was he seriously still on that? It was just a silly little affair, a trite nonissue really. Damn, he must really hate Hidan, you think to yourself. Maybe you could use his jealousy to your advantage though, if you play your cards right.

"Wellll," you draw out the word with a long, purposeful drawl.

"Well?" Kiba scoffs, mimicking your tone.

After a minute of silence you retort with, "It's not like there's tons of immortals I can pick and choose from, unless there's an underground society of sickos I never got the invite to. Maybe it's nice to connect with someone who shares the same life experiences once in a while," you say as you look off into the distance, unearthing the buried memories you'd kept tucked away for years.

"Life experiences? And what exactly are these so-called 'experiences'? Does homicide count?"

"Hey, that was one time, and he upskirted me first," you smirk as you hold out an index finger for emphasis. Unbeknownst to you, your head shakes involuntarily as you utter those words. 

You were met with a revulsive glance that was all too familiar. Good, maybe he'll stay away from me now. He doesn't need to know you stretched the truth a bit. The reality is that you'd sworn off unnecessary interaction with humans for decades now because you didn't want to hurt them. The only reason you let yourself become close with Hidan was because of his immortality.

"You're lying," Kiba candidly declares as he shoots a disapproving look in your direction.

"W-what makes you think that?" you ask as you take one of your hands and mindlessly stroke the front of your neck.

"Actions speak louder than words, princess. You can barely maintain eye contact, there were unnaturally long pauses between your responses, and not to mention you're stimulating your vagus nerve right now, whether you're aware of it or not," Kiba proclaimed as a smug expression returned to his face. "C'mon now, you didn't think you'd be able to fool me that easily? Even a rookie would be able to recognize the contradictions in your statements."

You bite your lip hard in response to those pointed accusations. It looks like you'd have to approach this from another angle.

"I plead the fifth," you say as you raise your hands in concession, "You win this time, officer. But before we continue this little chat of ours, why don't we start dinner preparations before it gets too late?" The limp body of your fallen prey had been nestled next to you this whole time, but its presence was overshadowed by the gravity of the conundrum you found yourself in.

"Okay," Kiba said, humoring your feeble attempt to change the conversation, "but I'm not leaving until I'm fully satisfied."

"You won't have to worry about that. I'll definitely satiate my honored guest's hunger," you said with a slight bow, hand partially outstretched.

"Heh, I look forward to it with bated breath." You could hear the pace of Kiba's heartbeat intensify ever so slightly when those words escaped his lips.

"So, do you need help butchering the-"

"I got it," you flatly interject. You shifted your focus from the man to the carcass of your delectably succulent spoils.

"Wow, so I get dinner and a show? Color me impressed." The candor with which Kiba responded tickled your fancy.

Oh, I'll give you a show, alright.

After a terse nod you cracked your neck and knuckles with an intense vehemence. You fish in your satchel for the gambrel and rope you'd prepared beforehand. One deft toss later, your rope is securely fastened onto a sturdy bough and all ready for you to hoist up your catch. As you walk towards the corpse you instinctively sharpen your claws and grab onto the body with a fervid vigor. After a few seconds and one big heave later, the object commanding your full attention beckons for your inner beast with an arousing aura.

You intuitively glide your razor-sharp nails through the layers of flesh, separating the skin from the muscle with an effortless prowess. You carefully and neatly place the deer's hide on the ground next to you before returning to work. A deafening crack assaulted Kiba's eardrums as you forcibly placed enough pressure on the doe's neck to sever its head. Another few merciless swipes from your sanguine claws and a harsh thud from the deer's front legs falling to the ground, accompanying the cacophonous melody of murder. The first part of your dinner preparations were now complete.

You flash Kiba a mischievous smile before refocusing on the task at hand, at claw, rather. You work your talons parallel to the deer's rib cage, passing through the shoulder joint with a terrifying expertise. You then spend a few minutes shaving off the excess fat before sinking your claws into the area just under the hip bone, slicing from there to the doe's back bone with an effortless, fluid motion. You run your nails down and along the back bone of your catch while making a concerted effort to not leave any morsels behind. With one more callous swat of your claws the delicious flesh is freed from its ligamentary penitentiary.

You return your focus to the deer's neck, and with a cruel indifference you meticulously tore the meat off of the bone with aplomb. A few more slices to the rib cage and your pile of gamey goodness grew substantially. It was almost time for the grand finale. Another savage snap emitted yet another barbaric rasp into the air, catching your company off guard, as evidenced by the disquieted winces you could see in the peripherals of your vision. With more than half of your prey fully dissected, it was now time to redirect your attention to the deer's hind quarters. You begin by puncturing the sinews near the knee and slice parallel with the leg bone, reaching the hip within mere seconds. After rotating your hand a few degrees, you effortlessly extract the most dazzling sirloin tips.

Damn, I'm good at this.

With a rapturous chortle you flash Kiba the most self indulgent grin. He was nothing but a hapless buck caught in the blinding light of your exhilarating, intoxicating yet oh so ephemeral exuberance. The squelching sound of the doe's innards as you inserted your nails just under the achilles tendon and pressed in with an inhuman apathy resonated throughout the surrounding area, a cautionary warning to all of the forest's inhabitants. As you unshackle the rest of the meat from the hind legs you look up once more at your dinner date. The countenance that greeted you could only be described by one word, awe. Pure, unadulterated awe.

You pick up the slabs of shoulder meat and begin to diligently clean it with your claws. Trimming the excess fat was always the most laborious part of your meal prep, but perhaps having the company of someone else today was an adequate remedy for the tedium. Once you sufficiently spruce up a generous portion of the meat, you offer a hefty chunk of it to your companion. You're greeted with a look of confusion that reminds you of your grotesque nature once more.

"Oh yeah, humans don't eat raw meat," you mull as you're overcome by a fit of hysterics. The dichotomy of your two very different existences was too much for your brain to process right now.

"Is that a challenge, princess? If it's good enough for you, it sure as hell is good enough for me," Kiba responded while puffing out his chest with an air of arrogance.

"I'd rather our date be here and not in a hospital room," you respond while trying to suppress the laughter, a tenuous attempt at regaining your composure. "C'mon, let's start a fire and you can taste a bit of my cooking. I might not be that great of a chef, but the ingredients will be the freshest you've ever had."

"Well, when you put it that way, how can I possibly refuse?" You could see a wave of relief wash over Kiba's face. It turns out he wasn't the only one who could sniff out someone's deceit. "Next time, though, I'll definitely have it raw."

"Of course you will." Wait, next time? Did he just insinuate that this wasn't going to be a one and done affair? Haven't you frightened him enough for one day? Talk about a real glutton for punishment.

"Alright, I need to clean up over here, so if you'd gather some firewood that'd be much appreciated." You leisurely walk towards the gambrel and unhook it from the tree's bough.

"Damn, so no special fire jutsu that will flambé us up some dinner in a flash?" You could sense a budding ripple of disappointment circulate the air around Kiba.

"No special tricks or theatrics here. What you see is what you get."

"You're not holding out on me again, are you, princess?" Kiba was almost whimpering at this point, just like a pup who lost his favourite ball in the river.

"No. I'm not," you respond flatly, an unenthusiastic expression overtaking your face. "Now go get that firewood. And s-stop calling me your princess." At this point you begin to feel the warmth build up in your cheeks, an untimely and unfortunate betrayal by your sympathetic nervous system.

"Was that the slightest bit of hesitation in your voice, princess?" You didn't even have to look over to see Kiba's expression because you could feel the omnipresence of his self-satisfied simper.

"Just go already!" you exclaim while trying to hide your face.

"Alright, princess. I'll be back soon. Don't miss me too much, okay?" You could hear his cocky guffaws as he walked off into the depths of the forest.

Jeez, talk about confidence. Does he have no sense of shame? If only I could be half as self-assured as he was, you ponder to yourself while cleaning up the makeshift slaughterhouse around you. You partitioned out a few chunks of venison for tonight's dinner. I wonder how much he'll want to eat? Wait, why do I care about what he wants? He should be grateful he gets any of this, of my kill.

You find yourself on autopilot as you amble about the nearby area, tidying up the trimmings caught in the thickets and the entrails splattered on the rocks. You weren't sure how much time had passed since you began clearing the area, but you were certain that it must have been a rather lengthy period since the cool veil of twilight now gently embraced your surroundings.

Hm. Maybe he did give up and hightail it out of here. I guess that means I'm free to head back-

"Heyyy!" The shrill baritone interrupts your thoughts. "Sorry it took me a while, princess." You could hear that Kiba was breathing heavier than normal as he drew closer to your meeting spot.

"Oh, you're back," you hesitantly mutter. 

"Hey, is that anyway to greet a guy who brought you this?" Kiba confidently stretches his arm out, opening up his clenched hand to reveal a lighter.

"I don't smoke," you respond with a perplexed expression, baffled by his rather dubious choice of a peace offering.

"It's not for lighting cigarettes, silly. It's for the fire."

"The fire?" Oh no, don't tell me he-

"Yeah, remember how you said you can't use fire jutsu? Well neither can I, so I thought this would come in handy!" Kiba had the biggest, most dopey yet smug grin on his face. It almost made you feel guilty that the deer wasn't the only thing that would be roasted tonight.

He doesn't know how to light a fire. One of the top investigators for the Konoha Military Police Force can't light a simple campfire.

You stifle the urge to break out into hysterics over this new information you were now privy to. "I know how to light a fire. That's one of the most basic skills anyone could have."

Kiba's face became instantaneously flushed as he scrambles to hide the lighter in his back pocket. "Y-yeah well, I was just trying to make your life a bit easier. That's all. Jeez, it's not like I assumed you were a helpless damsel in distre-"

"You know what would make my life easier right now?" you interject before he can finish his ramblings.

"What?"

"If you sit down, keep quiet, and just let me handle dinner. You did bring the firewood, right?" You asked as you peered over at his suspiciously empty hands.

"O-of course I did! Who do you think I am? Kiba Inuzuka always completes his missions... when he's not busy on a more important mission, that is." You could hear the confidence dissipate from his voice with every word he spoke.

"You completely forgot, didn't you?"

"Well, you see. I uh-"

You let out a weary, heavy sigh as you beckon for him to come closer. "Lucky for you, since I had so much extra time just waiting for my dinner date's return, I was able to grab more than enough branches for us."

"See? All part of my plan!" He began to nervously chuckle as you put your hand on his shoulder and guided him to the impromptu campsite you had prepared in his absence.

As you make your way to the clearing, the wafting mid-autumn breeze tousles the strands of your hair with a cool yet affectionate caress. It was closer to dusk now, and the stars shining above you began to solemnly dance in the night sky with a poignant melancholy. Every step closer that you take brings with it a feeling of profound grief, an emotion spurred on by the uncanny familiarity of the situation you now find yourself in. This reminds me so much of when I first met him, you think to yourself as you take those final strides to the campsite, your company following closely by your side.

You silently take a seat on some rocks next to the campfire. Since you had ample time to make preparations while Kiba was gone, all of the supplies you needed for a scrumptious dinner were laid out in front of you both.

"Wow, you really know how to treat a guy!" Kiba blurts out with a boisterous, howling laugh. "Seriously, you set all of this up just for me?"

"I told you, I always pay back my debts in spades," you couldn't bring yourself to look at Kiba right now. The haunting grip of your past restricted your movement, shackling and confining you in an inescapable and ruthless prison of recollections.

"And pay me back you shall," Kiba chimes in while reaching over you to grab two pieces of venison, tenderly placing one in your hand. "So why don't we start with an easy question?"

I guess it's better to just get it over with. The sooner we're done here, the sooner I can make my way back home. You take a voracious bite out of the chunk of venison and swallow harshly with an audible gulp. You then muster up enough willpower to look in Kiba's direction.

Geez, why does he always have to be smiling like such an idiot? What's there to smile about, anyways? This has been an absolutely awfu-

"This has been an absolutely wonderful day, princess." His words cut through your thoughts like a honed katana. "I don't think I've had this much excitement in years. You sure do know how to keep a guy on his toes. I would say that this has to be one of the best days I've ever had, but..."

And here it comes. You could already feel the frigid metal clasps around your wrists, tightening with an unyielding force. The freedom you worked so tirelessly to achieve would now be gone in an instant.

"...why did you have to ruin the mood by mentioning another guy's name?"

"Huh?" The shock from his last statement left you paralyzed in a stupor of astonishment.

"Don't you 'huh?' me. I know you know what or rather who I'm talking about."

Oh. Hidan. He's talking about Hidan. Damn, he's really taking this whole situation out of proportion.

"You're seriously still thinking about Hidan?" When Hidan's name escapes your lips your voice goes up an octave.

"I don't know, are you still thinking about him?" Kiba retorts with a snarky reproach.

"It was a fling. A simple hookup, nothing more."

"You said there were multiple flings earlier."

Goddamn, you can't deny the fact that Kiba's attention to detail when it comes to recalling your past statements is extraordinary. If you wanted to get this conversation moving in the right direction you'd have to reluctantly swallow your pride once more.

"Okay, yes. We hooked up a few times throughout the course of my... alt phase."

"Alt... phase?"

"Y'know, like, dressing in alternative fashion and listening to grunge? Jeez, I'm kind of embarrassed thinking about how I used to be back then." You look off to the side while fidgeting with the remains of the hunk of meat in your palm. "I was just angry at everything and tired of the world. He was there to satisfy that weird craving I had to self-harm and..."

Kiba's expression changed as soon as he heard those last few words you spoke. Even he must have felt the profound sadness and despair that clung to your morose disclosure.

"Let's forget about him, okay? I think it's safe to say you'll never see him again." Kiba's voice had a softness to it now that soothed your frayed nerves.

"Wow, such confidence in your voice. Do you know something I don't?" Your curiosity was piqued, and you couldn't help but ask for confirmation.

"He's as good as dead." Kiba nodded with an assurance that was difficult to question.

"As good as dead? Are we talking about the same person?" Your eyes widen as you process that last statement.

"One of my old classmates dismembered him. But honestly? If I knew he was going to hit on you, I would have done the job myself." Kiba cracked his neck as he snarled out those last few words.

"Hidan... is dismembered?" You start chuckling to yourself as you imagine what he must look like right now, "Why, that's the funniest thing I've heard all year, all century even!"

You took a moment to regain your composure before you continued, "I always thought that one day his excessive confidence would lead to his downfall. Thank you for sharing that with me."

"Hey, princess. As much as I like to laugh with you about your pathetic ex, I think it'd be better if we just enjoyed the rest of tonight without worrying about stuff like that." Kiba placed one arm around your shoulder while inching himself closer to you. "Tonight it's just you, me, and the stars."

"You know what? I think that's actually a splendid idea." You let out a hushed sigh of relief as he cuddled closer to you.

Just this once, you think to yourself, for just one night maybe it wouldn't be so bad to let a human in.

"I do have one final question, though, before we move onto the main course." Kiba delicately placed his hand under your chin, lifting up your face so that you had no choice but to look in his glistening eyes.

"And what, pray tell, would that be?" you eloquently inquire with a quick and slightly exaggerated flourish of your hands.

"Are you really over 100 years old?" 

"Heh, but of course." You couldn't help but answer in a sultry manner, flashing your fangs at the end of your statement, restraining yourself from biting into his neck.

You could see Kiba gesturing, doing a little victory pose as he uttered those next words, "Score. I love me a fine cougar, erm I mean wolf."

Gosh, he's so dumb. So dumb yet so clever at the same time, especially when it came to him sussing out the truth from you. The crass sense of humor emanating from this man only enhanced his inexplicable charm. It had been a long time, a very long time since you felt like this.

"You better watch out. I heard the big bad wolf has a way of eating out the hearts of unsuspecting travelers 'round these parts. Especially on full moons like tonight." The luminescent reflection of the moon bounced off of Kiba's eyes as you stared into them.

"I guess it's a good thing someone already has my heart under lock and key."

Just this one night. I'll allow myself to let go, one night can't hurt. Can it?

----- TO BE CONTINUED -----

[applesap-fics]

FABril day 4 - Chores, part one

1, 2, 3

T, 2357 words, Bruno/Agustín, Bruno & Mirabel.

Mirabel starts living with Bruno for a little while. She’s curious about why he left. Then she finds out a little more.

--

He almost slips off his cane when he sees his niece on the opposite side of the doorway.

It’s not that he’s surprised that she’s here. It’s just that Bruno isn’t quite prepared for how different she looks. The last time they saw each other she was a child. 

It is as if he’s closed the door on her one day and a moment later opened it up again, replacing her with an older version of herself. She looks eerily, and beautifully, like her mother. 

For a moment that image lasts, complete with gray hairs and wrinkles under her eyes and dressed in blue instead of the colorful attire she’s actually wearing. 

Then Bruno clenches his eyes shut and opens them again, and there she stands as she really is: fifteen, bright-eyed and nervous, wearing a hesitant smile on her face like she expects her uncle to change his mind, turn her right around and send her back home. 

“Hey, Mirabel,” he croaks a bit awkwardly. He regains his posture, trying for nonchalant as he leans on his cane. “There you are, huh? Wow, you’re- you’ve gotten so big! I mean- not like that! It’s just…it’s been a while, and you’re all grown.”

Before he knows it, she’s enveloped him in a tight hug.

--

One day Julieta called him up out of the blue and asked him if it wouldn’t be a good idea if Mirabel came to live with him for a little while, at least for the summer. 

In her fashion she was polite, slightly accusatory like their mother, and thus easily refusable. 

“And what does Ma think of me taking care of Mirabel?” He asked her, knowing fully well his mother doesn’t speak of him and likely avoided the combined topic of “Bruno” and “responsibility” alltogether. The other end of the line stayed silent. “That’s what I thought.” 

“You’re both stubborn, you know? It’s the both of you.”

He left years ago for a good reason. The idea to ask him to…to take care of someone, of Mirabel, seems an absurd initiative. From his capricious mental health to living situation to sending Mirabel off to go live with her estranged uncle, there’s too much to take into consideration.

But Julieta’s, his, and his mother’s conviction didn’t matter.

One week after he hung up on Julieta, he received a long letter from Agustín. About how his daughter isn’t quite finding her way at home and how he wonders if maybe the city won’t treat her and her wild imagination better than the stifling reclusiveness of their village, just like it had for Bruno. That sending Mirabel away isn’t done out of any malice or foreboding. If Bruno would please reconsider having her, because there’s no one he trusts more to be kind and understanding than him.

The letter is two sides long. The words are gentle, but steadfast, and clearly written against the opinion of the family that Agustín usually follows to avoid conflict. Bruno smells the love he has for his daughter in every brave sentence, and all of them together form an elaborate composition. It’s like music in Casita’s courtyard. It’s familiar and his heart aches.

Bruno read it over and over before he finally sent him a letter of his own.

--

“How was your trip? Too long, right? It’s always way too long for me.” Though this wasn’t the only reason he rarely met up with his sisters.

“Oh, yeah. I wish I could’ve brought my sewing machine, but, yeah…Too heavy. It was either that or my accordion.” She shrugs her shoulders which he now sees carry an instrument bag, not a backpack. 

He gives her his sympathy. Agustín not just mentioned she’s creative, he boasted it, and Bruno believes it immediately when he looks at her embroidered orange jacket and blue skirt filled with little sewing doodles.

It makes Mirabel a bright uncanny spot in Bruno’s humble home. As she walks through his apartment, she takes in every bit of clutter with worried eyes. Even with his bad back, Bruno didn’t think he had gotten that bad with the upkeep of his home, but he’s getting embarrassed now, thinking what she must’ve expected before the trip. Certainly not stacks of telenovela scripts and books covering unaddressed letters he’s never sent.

It’s a far cry from the colorful Casita she’s left behind, which is big enough to house a dozen family members and about as talkative. He always keeps the radio on to fill the silence and to keep his house full of romantic love songs. It helps him write.

Mirabel is still holding on to her duffle bag and keeps the bag over her shoulder as if her stuff will get swallowed up once she puts it down.

“Sorry for the mess,” he says as he gives her a little tour - his apartment, though decent, isn’t all that big, but he has space for her. He gestures to unload her stuff. “I tried cleaning out the office a little - that’s your room!”

“My own room?” She asks peculiarly as he opens the door for her. 

“Of course! What, did you think your cruel tío was gonna let you sleep on the couch?” he asks amusedly.

She shrugs abashedly. “No. I guess? I dunno. I share a room with Antonio, so…I’m not used to it.”

Inside sits the spare cot he’s prepared for her and a desk he’s mostly cleared of his writing and accounting. On the walls he’s hung up drawings to give the room a bit more life. Rats in period clothes, boats on voyages, little doodles he’s made while brainstorming ideas for his stories. He feels silly about them now, realizing she’s not that much of a kid anymore. 

“I hung these up for you. To lighten the place up a little-heh.” He rubs his elbow, unsure. “But you can make your own or take them down if you don’t like them.”

Mirabel smiles. 

“No, Tío. Thank you.”

--

“So, a couple of things,” tío Bruno begins.

They’re eating the sancocho de pollo Mirabel brought from home, which is apparently Bruno’s favorite. He started humming and whistling the moment she pulled out the container. His cane lies forgotten by the front door. He only needed it to breach the distance between his front door and the lobby to let her in. She hadn’t expected he needed one - neither Mamá or tío Bruno (they had a brief conversation on the phone) had mentioned it. 

“Curfew, of course. Ehh, be home before nine if you go out. The errand boy comes here on Mondays with groceries and/or medicine - ask for the receipt and don’t let him hustle you too much. Avoid talking to the handsome boy from the next block over: he’s a loverboy. Joselito I think his name is. I know the city can be very exciting and boys may seem very fun now that you’re at that age, but you’ll get in trouble if you go looking for danger of his kind, trust me!…Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned him at all. Ay, you’re probably thinking of running away with him now!” 

He throws his hands up and clutches his hair.

She stares at him, reeling a bit at his rambling. “Uhh.” 

“Anyway,” he perks up, dramatics forgotten, “there’s a lot of clubs and activities, so there’s always something fun for you to do while you’re here. And you could come to the theater with me! I’m sure you’d love it. It’s small but has a lot of heart.”

“That sounds great.” It was the reason she wanted to come to the city. She wanted to find her place.

He beams. “But don’t let me slow you down from whatcha wanna do, okay? I’m boring anyway and I can’t always go very far.”

This remark reminds her to ask; she thought he was an architect or construction worker or something in that vein, but he told her he quit that profession to take up writing, which landed him a job at one of the local theaters. She wonders if he had to quit that first job because of his injury. 

“So,” she says, stirring against the corn cob, “what actually happened to your back?”

“My back?” His expression turns sullen, his spoon resting in the sancocho. “Oh, something awful.”

He doesn’t elaborate and she immediately regrets asking. “Oh, I’m sorry.” 

He nods gravely.

There’s so much more she wants to ask him, but most of those questions are about the family, which require a kind of perilousness she doesn’t want to drag him into just yet.

“Uhm, so,” she tries. “What’s with all the letters?”

He looks surprised. “You saw those?”

“Yeah, they’re everywhere.” All tucked tight between other manuscripts and his books, but odd and noticeable enough.

He rubs his neck. “Ehh…I don’t wanna talk about it. They just kind of appear.”

“What? What does that mean?” she asks confused, but he again doesn’t elaborate. And after an awkward moment of silence, she gives up, “Okay.” They eat their stew in silence before she tries again. “Papi said that before he even met Mamá, you and he were friends?”

“Oh.” Surprisingly, even this catches him off-guard. He looks up at that, gaze distant for a moment, eyebrows pinched. It takes a second for him to reply, scratching the scruff of his neck. “Oh, sure,” he says and goes back to slurping his soup, not looking up.

“Got any funny stories from back in the day?”

He makes a strangled sound and shrugs, back to eating.

“Oookay. Good talk.”

--

Despite his evasiveness when it comes to family talk, tío Bruno loves to talk. About his interests, his hobbies - of which he has a lot.

It makes her fond somehow, to hear how he also thinks the random pitter-patter sounds that can sometimes be heard outside the building are pixies, just like Abuela and tía Pepa do. “Poor things,” he says, smiling. “The rats like to eat them.” Mirabel has never actually seen one before and doesn’t quite believe in them, but hearing that they persist even in the city makes her think the older generation is onto something. 

Tío Bruno has so many pecularities it’s hard to list them all, from nervous ticks to his superstitions. He burns sage and avoids stepping on cracks. Every morning he does a cleansing ritual alongside taking his anti-epilepsy pills. He keeps an upside-down broom in all the rooms to keep out bad spirits (also handy for sweeping up the salt and sugar he spills a prolific amount of) and he holds his breath when he walks through every doorway, not just the one that leads outside.

He also swoons at music and always seems to have romance on his mind. He does spontaneous dances when he listens to the radio or when he’s playing some cuban bolero on his gramophone, which is such a classic item it makes it seem as though he’s stuck in time, only adding to that romanticism. Bruno loves writing and reading and tells her he can waste days watching reruns of telenovela’s he’s already seen.

“Ah…so much can happen in a life. It’s easy to forget when you’ve got a bad back and never go anywhere. That’s why it’s important to throw in crazy stuff. You gotta remember the love exists between the cracks.”

She’s been curious about him for a long time. It is as though her own life falls into place now, Bruno the missing piece of the puzzle, a branch she was never allowed close to. It’s good to meet the person he really is instead of hearing half-finished stories from her cousins and sisters who knew him only a tiny bit better. A hard line of separation forced by a ten year old wall.

She has a vague understanding of why he left. He lost his way in the family, one way or another. Stir-crazy, tío Félix told her. Thought he was bad for the family, suicidal, and too cooped up in the village. Not to mention volatile. Made the whole house mad. 

“He was…sensitive,” Papá said with a far-off look in his eyes that seemed far too fraught on her dad’s face of all people. 

Selfish reasons, according to Abuela, but from what Mirabel gathers those ‘selfish reasons’ boil down to ‘leaving’, which seems a bit paradoxical. 

“Tío.”

It’s the end of the first night. She’s crawled up on the couch with him, leaning into his shoulder as if they’ve always done this together, drowsy from the telenovela they watched that she wasn’t all that into after a long day. “Why did you leave?”

His shoulders clench up. “Oh, that’s- I wasn’t really…that’s not important.”

“How can it not be important?”

“Okay, I guess it’s important.” 

Once again, as she’s coming to expect of him, he doesn’t elaborate. Or maybe he can’t answer because he’s always so nervous and not used to having his bothersome niece here, asking questions. 

He’s tense even as she leans against him, but he assured her that he’s just like that and that it’s okay to touch him and it doesn’t mean she’s imposing on him or anything. She did feel like she was imposing a little. She’s felt that way the moment her dad said she could go.

“But…I don’t get why you never really came back. I get leaving for a little while - I know Abuela and Isabela drive me crazy sometimes and always make me feel like I’m too awkward and that I’m only getting in their way, and now that I’m here I feel like I can”- She lets out a heavy puff of breath, heart straining -“breathe, finally. But I love them, and I already miss them.”

His mouth opens and closes, looking like he wants to answer, but keeps catching himself before words can spill. His chest heaves unevenly, like he’s getting worked up, and then puffing out his frustration again. But his face reads solemn, not angry at the thought of his family. 

Mirabel already hugs him by the time he finally says something.

“Kid, I miss you guys plenty.”

-tbc

[shiitb4lls]

do you think there's another bathroom in the apartment, or do you think philip just walks in like... seriously ? and has to navigate his way amongst the clutter. does philip try to clean up after him ? is philip just perpetually cleaning up after him ? does blanc care ? do they have cute interactions where blanc asks where philip put something ?

unprompted questions about benoit / @hegrowth / literally always accepting are you kidding /a

okay so i was chatting with some buddies today about literally this. and trust me i do have answers to all of your questions.

do you think there's another bathroom in the apartment, or do you think philip just walks in like... seriously ? and has to navigate his way amongst the clutter.

okay i think they do have two bathrooms. i think they have one attached to their bedroom, an en-suite situation and then this bathroom. the bathroom we see in glass onion is exclusively benoit's bathroom, and phillip rarely uses it. this bathroom is for benoit and guests only. i do not think the bathroom is always this cluttered, only when benoit is having a tough time in between cases.

does philip try to clean up after him ?

phillip, bless his heart, does try and succeeds in cleaning up after him. the second benoit is out of the bathroom he is rushing in and deep cleaning the whole place. he scoops up all the books and papers and random stuff and puts it in a box and leaves it on benoit's side of the bed for him to sort through. there are some items that stay in the bathroom, but all of the books/magazines/papers are picked up and left to be sorted through. the radio, rubber ducky ( bc of course man ) and other bathroom items are left behind.

is phillip just perpetually cleaning up after him ?

yes, i think yes. benoit tries his best to keep a tidy house, and he does pretty good with other aspects of the apartment like their bedroom and living room, but the bathroom is just the danger zone. you know a junk drawer ?? benoit's junk drawer is his bathroom.

does blanc care ?

yes, he does care !! i do think that he deals with a little bit of a sad slump from time to time that affects his ability to help clean. also i just think he kind of has the mentality of "well it's my bathroom, we rarely have guests, i do not understand why it needs to be spotless at all times".

do they have cute interactions where blanc asks where philip put something ?

110%. benoit's head is empty most of the time when it comes to where things are placed. he will set something down and lose it within the next five seconds. he is always calling for phillip and asking where he put something. phillip always knows the answer and will call it out from across the apartment.

[lord-shitbox]

ok kicks clutter out of the way and sits down with a notebook. i gotta figure out more bite's vampire dad semantics. mutuals very welcome to chime in

vampirism lore notes:

i could see turning someone into a vampire as something you do to a trusted friend or partner.. aw fuck ive gotta outline if people are born as vampires or not. the worldbuilding catches me again. shelving that for later

i do want there to be uneven power dynamics in siring for Bite's case specifically because yada yada young adult vs parent angst we've all been there. maybe something about the origin of vampirism lends it to uneven power dynamics but in modern society its typically looked down on to lord that power over others without good reason? specific laws about it so courts can rule that it's unjust for someone to be doing that if they're abusing the power, like domestic violence cases..

in that case I think a vampire parent would have legal precedent for maintaining sire power over their child but is generally obligated to "free" their dependent by relinquishing the power they hold over them and giving them control over themselves when they're 18 or so.

Bite lore notes:

Bite's birth parents are not part of the relevant picture at all and he's not too torn up about it. he would've been turned & taken in by his vampire father as a child...he's basically his adoptive father but with an extra tangible power difference because of the vampire siring part.

New angle of discussion.

Sire power: Bite's father can control how quickly he ages, because vampires can just do that for themselves if they have enough blood to feed on (a Lot of it) & could definitely force him to freeze on the spot n shit like that without touching him. Bite hates that shit. he can't control or have a say about what happens to his own body so of course hes balls to the walls touchy about his personal space. like a cornered animal

Bite's vdad wants him to stay small forever & refuses to let him grow old -> bite never gets old enough to legally obtain his own autonomy -> cornered desperate animal mentality

of course. given enough time and legal documentation he could definitely make a legal case that his vfather has been forcing him to stay a child for well over the time hes supposed to have been an adult by now & have his autonomy handed to him by legal means. but that takes Time and Legal Documentation. and if his vdad destroys his birth certificate and all other records of his birth who's going to believe him?

somebody will, Given Enough Time, but trans allegory "holy fuck i dont want to wait several years until i can choose what to do to my own body" hes going fucking crazy.

SO: he kills his dad

except he can't, because of the stupid vampire siring thing. he can't kill his vampire sire. he can get reaaaallllll fucking close but no matter what he does he's going to HAVE to get someone else to finish the job for him.

if he destroys his dad's body thoroughly enough his dad loses his control over him tho! yay! he gets to physically be as old as he should be as long as he remembers to destroy his dad's living corpse every time it starts forming enough to start exerting control over him again

He does this for a good couple years at least & he's better but he's also incredibly Stuck now. if he lets his dad reform he's going to be back to square one and who knows what his dad will do to him in return? he's kept him on the absolute brink of death for several years theres no fucking way he's gonna be happy with him about that. He needs to find someone who's willing to kill his dad & not tell the cops about what he's done because there's no way hes not going to jail or worse.

These are the circumstances he's under when he comes across Bark & this is why he keeps asking Bark if he'd kill someone for him (like would you love me if i was a worm except worse because hes worse). also this is where IM stuck cos i cant decide how to end it

Either Bite's vdad relinquishes control to him or Bite's vdad is killed. there has to be some end to the cycle he's stuck in

His dad relinquishing control feels..incredibly anticlimactic but is also realistic to my experience. could not stand my dad but he gave up on micromanaging me and now we're chilling. i think theres definitely something about parent/child relationships that are extremely combative in teen years but then end up reconciling later when the kid has grown up some more & the parent has realized they're their own person and not some toy

Bark could kill Bite's dad. this is a good quandary for him because he does not want to hurt anyone but also comes to understand Bite's situation and realizes the reason Bite is such an awful individual to deal with is because he's got this shitshow of a cloud hanging over his head all the time. Plus Bark's also like. definitely hurting people because he's refusing to deal with his own shit. even though he doesnt mean to. atp what's one more

third secret option Bite manages to kill his dad himself. this would go extremely awfully for him im sure it would damage him extensively and also would not help his isolationist "im the only one that can save myself" problems in the slightest. but he would have a GREAT cry in Bark's arms about it. i could make him do that anytime though now that i think about it. hehehe (the haver of thoughts)

SO. thats all that. Maybe if I squint at Bark's set of problems and figure out how he gets fixed by the end this half will just knit itself together nicely when im not looking. such is the life. anyone who read and processed all 900 of those words is entitled to compensation ill doodle you something tbh. what do yuou guys think

[sarahderpy]

Overthinking & Grateful

If it wasn’t for the little moments Id probably would have sunken ship by now.

Been waking up each day way too tired on a full nights rest. I’m not normally an over thinker. Have always been an overthinker and constantly making bigger picture bubbles than needed but not in a doomsday way just like scenarios . I also wonder why if I do that its dramatic but if a investigator does it its wise thinking. If a film shows it its creative. If the president does it for the people. If you do it its observation and caring on behalf of others. I know I overthink lol but your lying if you say you never do . I’ve been remember to drink more water. I remind myself of it just as a random little bit in the moment. On the days where I wake up amazing , those days I tend to overthink more i’ve noticed. Why should I have a full good day ahead? Its been so out of place for years that anything too good is out of the norm for me.

Its nice to finally not have to wake up and gag on the cigarette stench in the air . Its nice to not have to worry for once about being in the ay of someone or having less than half of a blanket left on each morning. To not wake multiple times in the night and morning to a tv blasting through the speakers. Or waking up to a dog running rampant all night through the house un potty trained only to know each morning it would be up to me to fix it . TO not have trash piled up in a bathroom or pans soaking in soap and left for me to scrub. A bathroom not soiled with gas or oil from the day prior wash off. To walk around the house without first thing throwing makeup on a d something to wear just in case. To not have to keep my phone volume at 3 or two daily. To not have to find reasons why I took a little longer at the store with the kiddos. Or worry that anything I purchased was being checked on seconds after through an app. waking up knowing their phone isn’t secretly silenced monthly because of people I’m not supposed to know of communicating. TO know that the breakfast and other meals thru the day items, will still be there and ready for each meal and not already cooked before the kids and I are present.

I can go outside each morning and night and not have to creep through my own yard and walk over objects worried I’m in the way each second. TO sit outside and smell air and not fumes from anything and see smiles on the faces of my children without panic of if we forgot anything at the store. Knowing that homework was finished and not interrupted each night and that our mornings would be focused on what the new day would be like. The first summer to spend focused on the dreams of the children for once this year without needed to worry of the focus and dreams of someone else instead. Havig decorations that may be cluttered but for once show who we are. Having mornings and evenings with car rides to no where needed and the sound of us three singing and laughing and conversing without a constant trip to a parts store or another argument. Each day being able to do laundry and have routine in our lives without judgement . To have family back around again that we felt we had lost for some time. Knowing that we are finally head in each convo we have in the house without minding out words and character to tiptoe around another. To be able to have the ten min of quiet to write this without care.

Knowing I’m overthinking right now but that I can breathe with my own thoughts for the rest of the evening. Being able to detox life through what I consume, mentally, physically, morally etc. I overthink because unfortunately I’m usually on instinct correct. And that’s what worries me. I knew when it was happening each time. I knew as things became went and gone. I knew when something wasn’t working. the hardest is to be told it will work for the better or trust it will be the opposite. I’d rather cling to, “it’s for the best”, knowing it might not work. And so it is. I think other than feeling like my own anchor I’m still thankfully above water. And remembering to drink it too because eat this point might as well. I have so many things I’m grateful for lately and I promise to find more. I’m proud of the two littles in my life, and so grateful for the life I’m living. I’m rereading all that I just wrote and know I’m still overthinking hahah SO with that, I’m off to make some coffee , a glass of water, or tea and begin the next moment of my day :)

Shoutout to 10 mins each day and to the little bookstores lol -stay derpy

[crazyfilterlady2024]

Mastering the Art of Mind Control: Take Charge of Your Thoughts and Actions

Listen up, folks! It's time to take control of our minds and steer our lives in the direction we desire. No more letting negativity, doubt, or fear dictate our actions. We hold the reins to our thoughts, and it's high time we learn how to wield that power with authority and finesse".

Have you ever felt like your mind was a runaway train, careening off track with every passing thought? Well, buckle up, because we're about to reclaim that train and turn it into a well-oiled machine of positivity and productivity.

Ever found yourself caught in a whirlwind of thoughts, like a runaway train hurtling off its tracks? It's time to grab hold of the reins and regain control. Picture this: transforming that chaotic train into a sleek, efficient machine driving towards positivity and productivity.

Step one: Secure your mental cargo. Imagine your mind as a precious cargo train, carrying valuable goods. Just as you'd secure your cargo for a safe journey, safeguard your thoughts against negativity and doubt. Install mental security systems—positive affirmations, mindfulness practices—to ensure smooth sailing.

Next, conduct a thorough inspection of your mental tracks. Are they cluttered with distractions and negative influences? Clear the debris, lay down fresh tracks of positivity and purpose. With a clear path ahead, your train can zoom towards success without derailment.

Now, engage your commonsense conductor. When faced with challenges, don't let emotions take the wheel. Instead, rely on your commonsense compass to steer you in the right direction. Evaluate situations objectively, make informed decisions, and stay on course.

But remember, even the most well-maintained trains encounter rough terrain. That's where your inner advisor comes in. Seek guidance from mentors, trusted friends, or your own intuition. Their wisdom acts as a beacon, guiding you through stormy weather.

So, tighten your mental seatbelt and prepare for the journey ahead. With action, security, common sense, and sage advice as your companions, you're ready to reclaim control of your mind's runaway train and steer it towards a destination of positivity and productivity.

Embrace the Power of Positivity: First things first, it's time to kick negativity to the curb. Negative thoughts are like weeds in the garden of our minds – they choke out the flowers of possibility and growth. Instead, let's cultivate a mindset of positivity. Every thought we plant should be a seed of hope, resilience, and determination.

Challenge Your Inner Critic: We all have that little voice in our heads – the one that loves to criticize and tear us down. Well, it's time to put that voice in its place. When your inner critic starts to rear its ugly head, challenge it. Ask yourself, "Is this thought serving me? Is it helping me grow?" If the answer is no, then it's time to evict that negative Nancy from your mind.

In a world filled with negativity, it's time to take a stand and embrace the power of positivity. Negative thoughts act like weeds, suffocating the potential for growth and joy in our lives. Instead, let's cultivate a mindset rooted in hope, resilience, and determination. But beware of your inner critic – that pesky voice in your head that loves to criticize and tear you down. It's time to show it who's boss. When those negative thoughts creep in, challenge them. Ask yourself, "Is this thought serving me? Is it helping me grow?" If the answer is no, it's time to kick that negative Nancy to the curb. By shifting our focus to positivity and silencing our inner critic, we pave the way for a brighter, more fulfilling life. So, let's plant seeds of positivity in our minds and watch them bloom into a garden of endless possibilities.

Practice Mindful Awareness: Mindfulness isn't just a buzzword – it's a powerful tool for taking control of our minds. By practicing mindfulness, we can become more aware of our thoughts and feelings in the present moment. This awareness allows us to respond to challenges with clarity and composure, rather than reacting impulsively out of fear or anger.

Mindful awareness isn't just another trendy catchphrase; it's a game-changer in the realm of self-mastery. When we engage in mindfulness, we elevate our consciousness to the present moment, unlocking a profound understanding of our thoughts and emotions. This heightened awareness serves as a shield against impulsive reactions fueled by fear or anger. Instead of being slaves to our emotions, we become masters of our responses, navigating life's challenges with clarity and composure. Imagine a life where every decision is made with intention, every action deliberate and purposeful. That's the power of mindfulness. So, let's embark on this journey of self-discovery, honing our mindful awareness like a finely tuned instrument. Let's embrace the present moment, savoring its richness and depth. In a world that constantly pulls us in a million different directions, mindfulness grounds us, anchoring us to the here and now. It's time to awaken to the beauty of mindful living and unlock the endless possibilities that lie within.

Cultivate Self-Compassion: We're often our own harshest critics, but it's time to show ourselves some love and compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would a close friend. Remember, we're all human, and we're bound to make mistakes. It's how we learn and grow from those mistakes that truly matters.

In the hustle and bustle of life, it's easy to forget the importance of self-compassion. We're quick to criticize ourselves for our flaws and failures, forgetting that we're only human. But it's time to change that narrative. Imagine if we treated ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we reserve for our closest friends. What if we extended a hand of compassion to ourselves, acknowledging that mistakes are simply steppingstones on the path to growth? Self-compassion isn't about making excuses or ignoring our shortcomings; it's about embracing our humanity with open arms. It's about recognizing that we deserve love and forgiveness, especially from the person staring back at us in the mirror. So, let's make a commitment to cultivate self-compassion in our lives. Let's silence the inner critic and replace it with a voice of kindness and encouragement. Because in the end, it's not our mistakes that define us, but how we choose to respond to them.

Surround Yourself with Positivity: They say you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with, so choose your inner circle wisely. Surround yourself with positive, uplifting individuals who support your goals and aspirations. Their energy will rub off on you, helping to reinforce your own positive mindset.

Conclusion: So, there you have it – the keys to mastering the art of mind control. It won't be easy, and it certainly won't happen overnight, but with dedication and perseverance, you can take control of your thoughts and actions like never before. Remember, you are the captain of your own ship, and it's time to set sail for a brighter, more fulfilling future.

Surrounding yourself with positivity isn't just a cliché; it's a powerful strategy for success. As the saying goes, you become the company you keep. So, why not choose companions who uplift and inspire you? Selecting a circle of positive, supportive individuals can work wonders for your mindset. Their enthusiasm and encouragement will seep into your soul, fueling your own journey towards positivity and personal growth. In a world where negativity often lurks around every corner, having a tribe of positivity warriors by your side is like armor for the soul. They'll help you navigate life's challenges with grace and optimism, propelling you towards your dreams. So, as you embark on this quest for a brighter tomorrow, remember to surround yourself with those who believe in you and your potential. With their unwavering support and your determination, there's no limit to what you can achieve.

As we wrap up this journey towards mastering the art of mind control, remember this – you are the captain of your own ship. The seas may be unpredictable, and storms may come, but armed with positivity, mindfulness, self-compassion, a supportive circle, and sage advice, you are equipped for smooth sailing. In the grand symphony of life, your thoughts are the melody. So, let's compose a masterpiece that resonates with resilience, joy, and unwavering determination. As you navigate the currents of your mind, set the course towards a future illuminated by your inner light. The adventure doesn't end here; it's a perpetual odyssey of self-discovery and growth. Embrace the challenges as opportunities and relish the victories as milestones on your transformative journey. Remember, every thought is a brushstroke on the canvas of your life – paint it with vibrant hues of positivity.

Love Always,

Maria D.C Santiago aka Crazy Filter Lady

#MindTrainControl #SecureYourThoughts #CommonSenseJourney #PositiveProductivity #SageAdvice

#PositiveVibesOnly #SurroundYourselfWithPositivity #TribeOfPositivity #MindsetMatters #SupportSystem

#SelfCompassionRevolution #KindnessToSelf #EmbraceYourHumanity #SelfLoveJourney #InnerPeace

#MindfulAwareness #PresentMomentPower #ConsciousLiving #MindfulnessJourney #SelfMastery

#MindControlMastery #PositiveMindset #SelfEmpowerment #OwnYourThoughts #MindfulLiving #PositivityOverNegativity #SelfCompassion #InnerStrength #PersonalGrowth #MindfulAwareness

#MindMasteryJourney #PositiveMindsetAdventure #SailingToPositivity #MindfulLivingContinues #ThoughtsCreateReality

[wa9tu4hu5ci64]

I don´t get how i am in this situation in life. Are there other people like me? Why do they sink to the bottom of the attention economy? Why are they always the outsider looking in? Observing, studying, gaining more knowledge than anyone else. Can you even say I´m real in the same sense as the ones I stalk online? When I see, like, *underage* people online, that have the clothes they want, who don´t live in messy ugly cluttered rooms or, have desks for their size as I´m sitting here with my legs constantly touching the underside of my desk, causing myself back pains by being too hunched down. I don´t have a couch, the one in our living room is way too low, unstable and small to use in any way that doesn´t cause more pain than comfort, when I see even underage people online who have their dream wardrobe, who have anime merch, who have *headphones*, who have *families*, or live with their parents in a not state of constant fear and nervousness, who have friends, who have friend groups, who don´t have fibromyalgia, and I´ve never had those, like that.

I´m admitting it, I´m more jeallous than could still be likable to anyone. I started screaming the words I´m writing in my head as I was writing them. there it is, I´m ungateful, I´m selfish, I´m jeallous, I´m talking to the void, I´m screaming in the void and noone hears me, and I´m having "passive-aggressions" at noone. I´m not operating within any social rules or conventions whatever that means I´m not english, and my wording is terrible and I´m hating you all more and more every day. I hate how I can´t be one of the people on here who interact with others and who are interacted with, while I *know* that that´s because I´m too scared to interact and also because I´m often(more like always) clueless as to the correct way of enacting the kind of interaction I want to have. And i know it´s because I didn´t learn "social skills" that I can actually use, growing up. And because I don´t trust others and have such limited experience being with "good" people irl. Because I also have my doubts about making friends online and that I should better wait til I meet good people irl and make friends that way first. look i love myself and i know armageddon will come and that jehovah won´t let me despair to suicide and that i am not alone and my JW community is all people who mean well. Don´t think I´m out of my mind stupid people. I´m having no secrets here, this is my life. I`m not mentally unstable, not insecure by my lack of friends. There´s just so much uncertainty that I feel I have the right to express, kinda. Not being able to talk to someone, to put words to what is in your head, to interact, what kind of period of my life is this where i don´t have the chance to put words to what i experience and live, like there´s just no way/outlet for me to know what word expression fits the truth and who i´m trying to convey it to, i can´t express myself noone listens, noone´s there for me to express myself to. It´s like I´m closer to insanity on some days. It´s okay, I´m a rational person who can tell reality from bullshit. It´s the not-knowing, the not-knowing what is the "right" thing to do, if it´s okay to buy shoes or think to want new shoes or am i cooking the right meal like this constant doubt whether how i spend my time is measuring up to the "golden standart" of right that only I seem to be aware of/ committed to.

[theworldofdog]

Loyal Dog Companionship Can Improve Mental Health Issues?

Pooches are known for their unlimited adore, but that interaction can cruel everything to individuals battling with their mental well-being Pooches are regularly not insignificant creature companions and, now and then, they are indeed more than fair family. If you wish to uncover extra more about the latest health tips for dogs, Catch us at The World of Dogs.

Typically especially genuine when a pooch could be a pivotal, helpful component to a person’s mental health. “Dogs don’t judge you. Mutts don’t care in case you’re as well discouraged to urge out of bed nowadays, as long as you open the entryway to let them out to pee and after that bring them back in, they’ll lay right back adjacent to you — all day long on the off chance that you’ve got to. Pooches get it,” said Carol Cote.

Cote has had her 75-pound brilliant doodle, Safe House, since Walk 2014. Cote lives with complex post-traumatic stretch clutter (CPTSD) and finds consolation and cherish in Haven’s nearness. “I have lived a really troublesome, disconnected, and forlorn life, said the 60-year-old from Bridgewater, N.S. “A mental well-being determination is segregating in a part of ways since you’ve got propensities that influence your interpersonal relationships.” Cote encounters hypervigilance as a side effect of CPTSD, which makes it inconceivably troublesome for her to unwind and influences the way she acts in social situations.

IM“To me, she’s not fair a dog,” she said. “She’s my most faithful and trusted companion, my confidant, my secure sanctuary. She’s continuously by my side, she’s the epitome of immaculate, unrestricted cherish. “I never feel truly alone since the pooch will come over and put her head in my lap or climb up on the beat of me — all 75 pounds of her. How can you are feeling alone when there’s a 75-pound creature snuggled up to you, you know?” Here’s a brief summary of The Positive Effects of dogs on Health and Mood that you don’t want to miss out.

They fair know

Mutts are generally recognized as faithful companions. Gerard Beauty can verify that with his three chocolate labs: Bourbon, Coco, and Gracey. The 54-year-old from St. Philips, N.L. has continuously had pets around and got his labs when they were puppies; the most seasoned, Bourbon, is presently 15 a long time ancient. “They’re a portion of the family,” he said. “If anybody comes to the house, the mutts are so courteous; all they need to do is play. I can convert to them like they get it what I’m saying — fair have a discussion with them.” Beauty lives with PTSD, uneasiness, misery, and consideration shortage clutter (Include) and says his mutts incredibly progress his quality of life.

“They know when I’m down and having a terrible day; they’ll come over and consolation me.,” he said. “I’ll lay down on the bed to ponder and they’ll all come in and hop up and snuggle with me. “They deliver off a positive vibe and it fairly makes you are feeling truly good.”

Huge bursts of cherish

Kate Colbert too gets positive vibes when she’s around her yellow lab retriever, Tucker. The 33-year-old from Enfield, N.S. got Tucker in Walk 2022 when he was as it were seven weeks ancient. “I fair see at him and he puts me into a cheerful place,” she said. Colbert moreover battles with her mental well-being. She has uneasiness and sadness. Her pooch brings her inspiration and consolation. For her, Tucker is her lifesaver. Here’s a brief summary of Loyal Dogs Companionship Can Improve Mental Health Issues? that you don't want to miss out.

“He pulls me out of the dim hole,” she clarified. “If I’m having a bad day, I know that he still should get up and out of bed. He needs to be bolstered and taken for a walk, he must go exterior and play and go to the lavatory. Rather than me laying in my bed, having him powers me to urge up and center on his prosperity.

“I don’t have time to be pitiful. In case I end up being pitiful or irate, he’ll do something amusing or get the zoomies or he’ll put his head in my lap and need consideration. At that point that produces me laugh or grin and I get this enormous burst of love.” Although there are mental well-being benefits of having a canine, Colbert recognizes that a pet isn’t a straightforward settle for complex issues. In case somebody can manage the fetch to urge and keep one, she would suggest getting a pet. “But it’s moreover troublesome since it’s critical to recognize that this creature has needs and it does depend on you for its happiness,” she said. “They also require preparing and on the off chance that you get a pooch at the puppy stage, it can be exceptionally baffling. At that point in the event that it’s a protected puppy, they come with things as well. So you kind of have to be seen at it like, ‘Okay, I’m harmed, he’s harmed, ready to offer assistance to each other.’”

Owner’s life saver

Beam Duprey could be a 56-year-old retiree from Modern Waterford, N.S., and cherishes the company of his eight-year-old beagle, Bomb, who came into Duprey’s life in July 2022. “I’d had a beagle sometime recently, at that point … I resigned and got to be single and thought I seem to allow a pet a lovely great life,” he said. “And beagles are a wonderful canine — they’re exceptionally faithful, not forceful. They’re a really senseless and exceptionally fulfilling puppy. He’s an extraordinary companion to have.” Duprey encompasses a house with a fenced patio, which made the prime environment for a canine. “Beagles are exceptionally dynamic pooches and I knew, on the off chance that I ever got a puppy, I would get to have a put for it to wander and work out and have a great open-air life,” he said.

[bonny-kookoo]

Jimin: Bat-Luck (2)

In which police officer Park Jimin is tasked with looking after you until there's a home ready for you.

Tags/Warnings: black flying fox!Jimin, Black Cat! Reader, stigmatization, mentions of physical and mental therapy, this is my emotional support Jimin now, and trust me he will be yours too, mentions of past abuse (starvation, physical punishments, degradation, mild case of stockholm-syndrome, hoarding, neglect)

Additional Chapter Warnings: bad flashbacks, comfort, jimin is a sweetheart

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Jimin has noticed by now that he's kind of stuck with you now.

After a good checkup at the hospital they decided it's best for you to stay with someone you trust- Jimin in this case, who happily agreed to look after you for the time being. Theres a bandage covering your left forearm- keeping the scratches underneath clean and protected from any dirt. You're also wearing a new, proper collar- for now with the police logo on it to signal that you're currently under government protection. It's a lot better than the grimy old thing they've found at your former 'home'.

"say, sweetheart?" Jimin gains your attention as you sit in the small room provided for questioning of witnesses- a way more friendly and less threatening environment than the interrogation rooms. "back at your home- was it always you hybrids and your owner?" he asks, and you shake your head, while he brushes out the knots of your tail- the action strange to you, as you've never had someone do that for you.

"I lived with an old man before." you admit quietly. "he was nice- but he got too old to take care of me." you tell him. "that's how I met lady J." you explain, and he nods. Based on the testimonies of the other hybrids, they all called her simply 'Lady J' and nothing else. "when I came with her, the others were already there. We fought a lot." you admit, and Jimin nods.

"when did.. The house become so cluttered?" he wonders, and you shrug as you watch him work so gently and carefully, trying not to pull on the hairs too much, even at the knotted parts.

"I dunno." you mumble. "it was always like that, I think." you say, and he hums a reply, making sure just to go one step at a time with you. "When can I go home?" you ask him, and he stops in his motions just for a split second, before he continues.

"we're gonna get you into a new home soon darling, don't worry." he reassures.

"But Lady J will get mad if we're not home." you worry, holding his wrist still now. "I don't wanna go on the balcony again." you quietly voice your fears, and jimin puts the brush down before he pets your ears- hands moving to hold your face tenderly. He can only imagine the horrors you must've faced.

"She can't and won't hurt you anymore. I promise." he tells you with urgency. "I told you I'll protect you, right?" he asks, ans you nod. "see? And I stand by my word." he reassures.

"so you'll be my owner now?" you ask, and he chuckles a bit. Hybrids don't technically need owners anymore- they can file for independence just kite he himself did years back when starting his police training. But for someone like you, that concept must be more than terrifying- at least Yoongi had explained it that way.

'Victims like her can't just be tossed out into freedom, just like you can't give a starving person all the food they want. They need a slow recovery, steady progress, and a stable environment to heal. ' the cat hybrid and doctor had told him after evaluating your state of mind for the records. 'Give her time, and security. She's unable to make decisions for now, so maybe start by giving her choices first. Limit the options she has, and then expand as you make positive progress.' the cat had explained. 'there's no one I'd rather trust her with than you. You'll do just fine.'

And Jimin hopes, very strongly, that Yoongi is right about that.

He wants to do more than just fine.

[jincherie]

important; please read

hello everyone! long time no see! to be perfectly honest, I'm pretty ashamed at how long it has been since I have tended to this blog.

To cut a pretty long, convoluted story short: this past year has not been good to me.

In fact, I could argue that as it went on, it just got progressively worse. My mental health has taken the biggest blow it ever has in my life, and to be honest that makes me a little ashamed because I thought I would be able to handle myself better after how harshly it suffered when I was living with my mother. The culprits are anxiety, stress, and the somewhat-recent diagnosis of ADHD and a mood disorder that throws me into depressive bouts every so often. I have always been easily overwhelmed, but this past year it feels like that has been the only way I have lived.

My room hasn't been truly clean in over a year; I'm constantly drowning in clutter both literal and figurative because I'm so overwhelmed I don't even know where to start sorting it out and tidying it up. My grades have suffered, my body has suffered. As I write this I am also writing a 'show cause' response for my university because I haven't made satisfactory progress through my degree and if it continues the result will be expulsion. fun!

This is probably oversharing, but to be honest everyone here has supported me so much, so long, that I think you deserve to know what's been going on behind the scenes.

I did start to get a little bit better around the start of the year, actually. But that progress went down the drain faster than it was made due to the unfortunate combination of emotional distress caused by my mother being herself, one of my much loved family pets passing away out of nowhere, and my grandmother having a number of heart incidents only for the last one to lead to the discovery of something cancerous on her lungs. I am not having a good time.

I am so fucking ashamed of myself for letting things get so bad, despite the admittedly little control I had over it. I have still so many things I want to write and finish and so many ideas that I wish I could just will into existence that it's not even funny. I want to continue to write and create without having this tremendous stress hanging over my head all the time. I can't even think about writing on a good day without feeling so damn guilty because there's so many things I need to write, and so many other things in my life that I also need to be doing. It's overwhelming.

I am at the point where I have to acknowledge, however, that I cannot keep up the lifestyle I used to and I need to put more priority into certain parts of my life. And so, I need to announce a few things.

I will be going on indefinite hiatus for the time being.

This will be my first official hiatus. I intend to continue my writing at some point, however it's not something I will be able to even think about doing until my current semester is finished and I have some control back over my life.

I will be refunding all commissions received that have not been completed and posted.

this is something I should have done a while ago, but I didn't want to hand the towel in because I wanted so badly to write the wonderful things that were submitted as commissions. I wanted to show my thanks for the support given to me, and above all else I didn't want to disappoint. However, as a result I probably ended up disappointing you all even more.

To those who commissioned me and didn't end up receiving the goods that you paid for in a timely manner, I sincerely and wholeheartedly apologise. In all honesty, I feel so fucking awful that it almost makes me sick. It was never my intention to take your commissions without fulfilling my end of the transaction for so long, and for the fact that it ended up that way I cannot apologise enough. It has broken the trust you had in me and I don't think I will stop beating myself up about that for a while. You who supported me so willingly deserve better than the way this ended up.

Those who commissioned me, please message me your paypal details and how much you paid -- please send it to @jooniecherie. I will be refunding the money as soon as I see the message. Again, I can't apologise enough for making you wait so long.

There are a number of commissions that I started and are part-way completed. I will be endeavouring to complete these and post them after my hiatus, but those who commissioned them will still be refunded.

Ultimately, I am so incredibly sorry that my own personal issues and struggles have bled out to affect others in such a way. A number of you have worried about me and checked in, and for that I am eternally grateful. I'm fine without really being fine, if that makes sense? But I'm grateful for the support I've gotten over the years, and I'm sorry I haven't been able to live up to expectations. I hope to do better, but first I need to heal myself and my life.

Thank you for reading this. I sincerely hope that you're all doing better than me, and I hope it won't be too long before I'm updating you all again. <3

[lollypopsx]

Flatmate!Harry: I'll Make It Up To You - Part 2

Please like if it’s not too shabby, reblog for anyone who may enjoy this and follow if you want to see more! Any suggestions are happily taken for future writing! I love you all! be safe and be kind x

Warnings: Hints of depression and anxiety

Part 1 - Part 3

—————————

Days had passed since the audition, and while you were sat on your laptop every hour searching for new jobs, new projects, more auditions and pure hope of some miracle, you couldn't help but starting to feel like you were failing slightly.

You liked to write happy songs and create stories using your music, but you were finding it harder to find the inspiration. Usually you and Harry would sit and talk ideas for hours, but since he made you miss your audition, you were distant from him, it was only the last day or two that you had been getting slowly back to normal.

Every day since the incident when Harry came home after working at the studio, he would open the curtains to make sure you had fresh air and daylight after cooping yourself up on the sofa all day, in the dimly lit living room. Not only that, he would check the cupboards, fridge and the sink to check that you were eating enough. He had seen you stressed and upset before. He had been there through some difficult moments in your life, and had always been your rock throughout the years, especially when your mental health was struggling during these times. But this time was worse. He couldn't help being concerned for someone he loved and cared for.

"Hey pumpkin..." He whispers softly, settling himself down beside you after completing his daily routine "Have you done much today?" he gently combs his fingers through your hair before dropping his arm round your shoulders.

You just sigh softly, looking ahead blankly at the quiet TV, simply shaking your head. If only he could see what was going on in that pretty mind of yours then maybe he could make everything better.

"I see you used the piano and the guitar today though..." he states, although it came out more like a question.

Minutes of silence filled the room until out of the blue, some words left your lips. "...Adam came to get the ring today" you whisper, feeling the tears brim your eyes once again, for what felt like the millionth time today.

"Oh darling" He frowns, pulling you into his chest tightly, just like he did the night you found out your (now ex-) boyfriend, Adam, was cheating on you. Unfortunately, you happened to find out minutes before he proposed to you, in front of all of your friends, including Harry. You didn't know what to do, so you took the ring, said you'd think about it and you left him standing alone. This all happened months ago, and you really thought that you was totally over it.

"Everything that's happened this week...I-I just...I feel like such a failure Haz. It just feels like I...I-I'm falling...falling apart and nothings going right! Why isn’t anything going right! I can’t even write one stupid song that makes sense" you let out hard sobs as your hands fisted his clean white t-shirt.

"No...no, no, no don't say that...please don't ever say that." He frowns, pulling away from you, but still staying close. His warm hands press against your cheeks as he lifts your face gently "hey, hey look at me" he whispers, begging you to look at him.

Your sad wide eyes flickered up into his, gentle tears falling down your face. "I know...I know it's hard at the moment. But everything happens for a reason. And everything will get better...I know it will. Do you trust me?" He whispers, his eyes gazing deep into yours, almost like if he looked hard enough, he could read your mind.

You give a hesitant nod as he pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead before wiping the tears dampening your cheeks. Being affectionate together wasn't anything unusual for the two of you, you really were the best of friends.

"I'll go make some dinner okay? Pasta sound good?" You just nod your head gently at him as he leaves your side. You let out a deep sigh and head over to the living room window, watching the sunrise beginning to set over the busy London town. "So...how's the studio going?" You ask him curiously, your gaze still at the window.

"I erm..." He clutters around in the kitchen. His job was a topic he had been avoiding for the last few days. He didn't want to rub it in that he was busy writing an album for millions of fans, who would be screaming his lyrics back to him all over the world in years to come. "It's...good. I mean, its tiring but I...yeah. It's good" He nods.

"H, you don't have to avoid it. I forgive you for what happened. I know you would never have done it out of spite...and you deserve your life style, you work hard!" You say as you head into the kitchen, re-filling the water in the vase on the table, your vibrant roses and lilies still looking as beautiful as the first day Harry bought them for you.

"You work hard too!" He frowns softly "Harry I don't think moping around on the sofa, drowning in my sorrows, is the definition of working hard" You let out a gentle chuckle.

"So...how's it really going?" You hop up onto the stool beside the kitchen counter.

"Well, we have 4 songs so far...and they are...different to the last album. I mean they reckon three of them will be on the pop charts...maybe even a number one slot there" He sighs softly.

"Oh wow, that does sound different to before...and you...don't want that?" You ask curiously, judging by the lack of excitement. "Well...it's not that. I just...it's hard to write another album when the last one did well, and you have to make sure it's better than the last one." He sighs softly as he cooks. "They want me to write some slower, more emotional songs. I just can't...well the words don't fit right. I'm just not feeling emotional about anything, so I don't know where to get the emotion from"

"Well you can't put a price on emotion Haz, you can't just go and buy it in Gucci. You have to really feel it. Even if you aren't thinking about something specific or direct to you. I used to find that sometimes when I was trying to write, I'd create these characters in my head, and I'd give them all these different stories and personalities. And I...I used that to really help me write music. It's not easy." You explain while getting two of the plates from the cupboard and pouring two drinks for the table.

"You used to? You mean you don't use that method anymore?" He asks curiously, while giving the pasta one final stir.

"I...I think I've decided that I'm not going to write music anymore" You shrug softly, your eyes unable to life to his. "I need a proper job. And things aren't going well with auditions lately and I make a total fool out of myself every time I go into a meeting. It's time I looked for a proper job. Besides, the price of bills in this house keeps going up and up."

"What?! Y/N you're so good at writing songs and music! You can't throw it all away now! That is your proper job. And I love hearing what you write, it inspires my own stuff!" He frowns, his brow furrowing, trying to understand you. "Think of all the songs no one will get to hear"

"No one hears them anyway...It's different now. The entertainment industry is changing more and more by the day. Maybe the stuff I write just isn't as trendy anymore." It was difficult for you to admit, but you knew you had to accept it.

"There's a fine line between us Styles, because the difference is, you're already there. You have the whole world in your hands Haz, you can go anywhere and do anything. You could sing a song to a fish and the whole world would be adored by you still! If I did something like that...I'd be laughed out of every interview, audition and meeting for the rest of my life. But we’ll be alright" You smile and shrug, your mood had certainly been hit and miss the last few days, but you knew you had to carry on with your life.

—————————

“Hey Y/N come here!” Harry calls from the living room. You were currently in your room, scrolling through your Instagram, while in a pasta coma after dinner. You rush over to the living room “What’s up?” You ask, seeing him sat at the gleaming white piano, which as always was sat under the window.

“What do you think?” He starts to play a few notes on the piano, looking between the scruffy paper notes cluttering the top of the piano and his hands. 

“Can’t put a price on emotion...it’s something that you just can’t buy...you...you’ve got my devotion...but....but” He sighs softly, playing around with the notes and the wording on his notes. 

You smile softly as you recognise his acknowledgment of your earlier conversation “...but man, I can hate you sometimes” you sing gently, testing to see how it could fit.

“Hey that’s mean! Why would you say that!” He fakes a pout up at you “I thought we- hey actually...you’re right! That really fits!” He chuckles, pulling you onto the stool beside him. “Can you try a G chord, B chord and....lets try a C...” You nod and smile as your fingers gloss over the keys effortlessly, while Harry fits the verse together and tries to find the right tempo.

“Wait...it doesn’t sound right. Maybe lets try a D instead of C?” You suggest as you re-try, playing those three chords over and over again.

“You...are...a genius!” He grins and wraps his arms around your waist. ”Keep going!” He smirks, pushing more lyrics in front of you. Sometimes having a fresh pair of eyes really helped...or perhaps he just wanted to prove that you had talent.

You peer down at the pages upon pages of words flooding your view. “...I don’t want to fight with you....and I...and I don’t like to sleep in the dark...we’ll get the drinks in...I...I can’t stop thinking of her...” 

Harrys fingers join yours at the piano “We’ll be a fine line....We’ll be a fine line...”He smiles softly as he taps on a few random keys. 

You pull your fingers away gently “It...your song sounds...really good H. It’s beautiful actually.”

 “You mean our song...” He whispers.

“Harry no, it’s your song, all the pieces, I just put your jigsaw together” You smile. “I know how it is writing songs and the first draft is never the same as the final version. You might decide to change it all completely” You whisper.

“Not with your lyrical genius ability and words of wisdom...your name will be all over this track” You felt a shock of electricity ripple through your veins as you felt his eyes burning into yours. His lips pressed gently against your forehead, lingering against your skin longer than usual. That sort of affection was normal from your best friend...so why did it just feel like something completely different? And what did he mean about my name being all over the track?

—————————

Tag List: @harryhoney-bee - @sunandherflores - @sad-capuccino

[thickness-protection-program]

there was this dude I'd been lusting after for months that used to frequent the same dive bar as me and my friends and coworkers (food service life). i thought he wasn't into me, as the dudes i wanted the most never were, but one night we drank together, bonded about video games, then made out in one of the filthier men's bathrooms I've had the displeasure of being in. both of us were wasted and got catcalled by friends when we came out. all very fun, very messy. first red flag but y'know, i was having fun

on the ride to his place after, he revealed to me that he was an aspiring actor and my drunk brain was even further wooed, not seeing this as a second red flag (no offense to other aspiring actors but trust me it just was). we picked up a movie on Redbox on the way and he insisted, like insisted on Don Jon, which had just come out and he guaranteed was great. i wasn't interested in whatever movie since we both knew it was just pretense before getting to shenanigans so i missed yet another red flag 😆

we get to his apartment and his door is unlocked. that freaked me out a little, but in an amused way, assuming out loud that he'd forgotten to lock it. he assured me that he didn't forget anything, he just never locks his apartment! and we both laughed and i made a joke that he was definitely gonna lock it tonight... and i missed red flag number cuál? his place had a ton of nice shit in it, im talking nice ass TV, three gaming consoles, just a whole bunch of expensive shit that an unemployed actor living in northern VA should not be able to afford lol

we watched the movie (barely), got to the bed, and i got some good dicking. all was well and good, we went for hours. 5-star experience so far, no regrets on my mind. he falls asleep, cause he's home, and i get restless cause I'm at a new place and too broke for an Uber home, so I'm laying there doing mental logistics about how the fuck imma make my next shift in 4 hours, and i go to the bathroom for the first time

i had very very much sobered up by then and... the unmitigated fucking horror

bright orange ring of nasty inside the toilet bowl (how?). crusty, disgusting sink and sink drain (how??). i opened the shower curtain and the fucking FILTH like—all of a sudden i was COMPLETELY sober. i started taking in the entire bathroom. short hairs, grime, stains, stickiness—all the things you never want to encounter in a strangers bathroom after having unprotected sex 😭

so i quietly exit that nightmare and make my way over to the bed but suddenly start seeing things for what they really are. expensive shit, yes, but carelessly placed. living room curtains wide open w the lights on and the window wide open (the neighborhood was not THAT safe ok). clothes strewn everywhere. and when I do return to bed? the morning light is just coming in and yea, his shirtless back looks amazing against his black sheets but... the nerve of someone this dirty having black sheets

i just noticed hair. everywhere. not my hair! i was a bald, braided bitch at the time. not his hair!! he had a short crewcut at the time. long straight blond hair, medium length brown hair. and it's like—all over the sheets. like when you share your bed with your fuckin dog. the pillow was, naturally, the most cluttered with strangers' hair

and there i was, abruptly stone cold sober and stuck in a den of filth, sin, and my own poor decisions with no ride, no cash, and no way out til morning

at least i came four times?

GIRL! My ass woulda hopped out that place like

Yes I'm glad you got that good cum pump but bestie this is actually a scene in a horror movie I'm shaking 💀

[thewonkywitchescauldron]

Magickal Burn Out

If you know you know….if you’ve been feeling like you're out of sorts lately and not sure why or  what’s happening….You’re exhausted! - emotionally, mentally and physically, then you know what I mean when I say ‘you’re burnt out’.

Even experienced witches have a burn out from time to time and I'm not saying you have to be a witch to have a burn out. Even muggles can feel it, but what I'm talking about is magickal burn out. Do you have Spells, Rituals and Meditations that don’t seem to be going the way they should be? When a witch is experiencing a burn out he/she has no energy to meditate let alone cast any spells and dedicate time to their craft. Their magickal energy seems to diminish which can be scary when you've worked so hard to build that energy up.

So how do we get burnt out?

To put it simply, you’ve done too much. This could be magickally or you have so much going on in the mundane world that you’ve had to take a step back because you don’t have the time or energy to practice.

As a teacher of witchcraft myself and a business owner (concentrating on spiritual classes and products) I know what it's like to experience burnout and trust me it happens more than once or twice. I’ve been concentrating so much on helping others begin their journey or build on it that I've forgotten my own. I get told all the time by my guides to meditate meditate meditate and when I've tried I've not got much at all. Then it dawned on me, it’s not so I can get guidance or anything from them, it's just so I stop and sit for at least 5mins a day and just be. Stop the rat race and check in with myself, I’ve asked for them to draw near and i get a slight bit of contact then nothing. And I know it’s not for them to sort me out, it’s my job to do the work and actually look after myself. I love doing my teaching and making things but sometimes I have to give in and take a step back and top myself up before I can help others. I suggest you do the same, take a day, a week or even a month if you can spare it (make the pigging time people) and look after yourself.

I’ve spoken to some people about feeling guilty for doing absolutely nothing for hours or a day and they feel the same. Which made me think, why have we been conditioned that we have to go go go all the time? It’s not good for us at all. We live this life once and you never know when it’ll end so why do we feel guilty for looking after ourselves and doing absolutely sod all, giving our bodies and minds a rest?

I hadn’t done this for quite some time. Covid Lockdown gave me this chance but as soon as we we’re allowed out I went back to the rat race, like many others. My personal growth and magickal energy has paid the price. I’ve neglected my practice for so long now that I need to build myself up again to feel energies stronger like I once did and perform spells/rituals without getting tired or feel like they are a lot of work to just get started with them. And above all, fall back in love doing it again. I've missed that buzz I get when connecting, that buzz I see in my students when they attend classes. Now that’s magickal burn out. 

So if you’re like me you’ll be asking, How the heck do I get out of this? I’ve made a list of things that I think are helpful for magickal burn out.

Stop. Just Stop. Stop being there all the time and letting others drain your energy. Yes you still have work to do but slow down and prioritise what needs to be done. 

Leave doing magick for others aswell. Especially if they're not willing to work with you and actually do the mundane to help the magick reach the task at hand. It’s a waste of energy on your part - again put yourself first. More often than not they are just as capable of doing the work themselves if they really want it they’ll put the effort in and if not, oh well. It’s not your problem to solve.

De-clutter. Oh I love a de-clutter when I have the energy to do it. It helps to physically clear aswell as energetically. Marie Kundo the hell out of your magickal supplies and stuff. Does it give you joy? No? Get rid!. Have you used it within a few months? No? Get Rid!…. Yes? Keep it!

Be ruthless and have a clear out, make your magickal space nice and fresh, ready for you to work again.

Don’t start again on high energy magickal tasks, start by simply cleansing and balancing your energy again. Meditate but don’t expect life changing results. Baby steps are needed to regain your power once again.

Look at a new subject within your path you may be interested in or a new class that may bring a fresh perspective to your craft. It may be just what you need to give your magickal practice a kick start.

Sit with a nice herbal cup of tea with the moon and soak in her energy, recharge yourself as you do your crystals in the moonlight.

Most importantly, don’t expect it all to come flooding back all at once to how you once was. It takes time. Baby Steps.

I’ve just started to pull myself out of Magickal Burn Out myself by doing the above and it’s slow, but I'm getting there. So why not join me and take the time to prioritse yourself and get you back to you.

I hope this has helped you and gives you some good pointers to help yourself with your own magickal burnout

Blessed Be

WillowMoon

[cdarkheartzero]

Diary of a Security Guard

For the always wonderful Rissy @rissynicole who I promised this to for being just...amazing.

Prequel found here-

https://cdarkheartzara.tumblr.com/post/622506786343288833

Data log entry 6555

Been watching Zim battle his PAK for a few (days) now. It has been SO mentally exhausting just to see, let alone experience. But that determination to get his PAK legs working. Imma be honest, it’s downright inspiring seeing him spaz, spark and struggle just to get back up n’ try it again once he catches his breath.

He even got Skoodge trying to activate his- few of the other smeets too, actually. I can’t tell whether he knows it or not (he’s pretty oblivious to the world around him so I doubt it), but he has a lot of fans among the youngins. They might find him annoying (cuz let’s be honest here, he is) but he has this unique…. charm(?) to him. Little bastard just doesn’t know when ta quit.

I can see the stress and strain of his struggles are starting to get to him though. He just hasn’t been himself lately. Physically Exhausted. Less destructive (again- lemme be honest- I AM ALL FOR but under normal circumstances). Hasn’t been doing much eating or sleeping. He’s just so fixated on this that it’s basically taken over his entire life. Can’t tell you how many times I have found him in the incubation room the past few shifts, tryin’ so damn hard to stand on his legs he basically passes out.

The smeets should be sleeping now. It’s pretty late and I see all the other guards settling into their seats relaxin’. Now’s the time to piss around, the break we all deserve. Alas, I can’t get that little shit outta my head. The pain on his face. The dedication and exhaustion in his eyes. It’s been burned into my organic brain ever since I had to stun him the first time. I don’t think I have ever been that scared before. I thought… I thought I could have killed him. That he wouldn’t be there the next morning. That this little ball of chaos would be erased from my life. And it was worse than anything I coulda imagined.

I wanna do something for him. I know I shouldn’t. ‘Specially after all the shit he puts me through. And I really shouldn’t play favoritisms but I dunno. There is just something about Zim.

Now, don’t get me wrong. He drives me crazy. He’s a little demon spawn. A selfish little piece of shit. More than once have I seen him sacrifice a playmate to make a quick escape or use poor Skoodge as a flesh shield. His bomb gifts haunt me very soul- I swear I hear them ticking in the walls relentlessly, taunting me. But he brings me such a calming ease. It’s so weird. Like… I wanna ring his neck sometimes but just having his little body in my arms brings me such warmth. His voice makes me want to slam my face against a wall but I honestly can’t fathom it not being there. I just want to be there for him. And do everything in my power to make him as happy as I can.

What did he do to me?

Ugh. I’m pulling my lekku out at my desk. Think, Zara. Think. There’s gotta be something I can do. I’m mindlessly fumbling through my clutter, still rackin’ my brain around what to do next. Suddenly, a sweet scent fills the air and I realize I opened my candy drawer.

Hmmmm…. it’s not much but it’s the thought that counts.

I look over to Kira and tell her imma need to take 5. “Candy break?” She asks, watching me sneak a few pieces away. “Something like that” I reply.

Walking down the hallway to the smeetery felt like an eternity. What do I say? How will he respond? Lord, what if he wakes the other smeets and I gotta clear out my whole snack stash to not upset the others? What if he cries? If his PAK spazes out again, what if I have to shock him again? What if I fail my mission? What will the control brains do to me? what if… what if I have to kill him? How would I live with myself if I...hurt my smeet? Shit. I gotta stop doing that. He’s not MY smeet. He belongs to Irk. I’m just a guardian, nothing more. But… I never want him to leave my side. But he also has a job to do! For Irk! I hope he never becomes an invader. Keep him here, where it’s safe. Maybe the science division or something… hmmmmm.”

“Uhhh…” I hear next to me, a random voice sounding concerned. It breaks my concentration and I see another guard, head slightly tilted, staring at me. “You good, man?”

Oh! Seems I have been standing at the door for some time. I laughed. “Yeah. Sorry. Just got a lot on my mind.”

“It’s cool” she smiled “just don’t let the higher ups catch you wandering around aimlessly.”

“I appreciate it. Thanks!” I said waving as she went about her way. “Higher ups?” Yeah. Not a whole lot of fear there. Nothing can be worse than what we’ve already experienced.

The door opened, inviting me to the darkness of the smeetery. Was it always so cold in here? The only light shines from a few wires and screens on the walls but other than that, it’s pretty pitch black. A totally different feel to the liveliness of the early shift when spirits are high and bodies are active. Luckily, our vision is enhanced in our tubes, far before we go online so nighttime is never an issue for us.

I creep over to the nesting area, where all the little bodies are snoozing (or snoring in Skoodge’s case) and see those ruby eyes staring at the ceiling. I notice his antenna perk and he looks my direction, instantly making a face of aggression.

“What?”

That the hell kinda greeting is that? Little rude shit. I wanna smack him outside his little skull but I take a deep breath and calmly whisper. “Ain’t you supposed to be asleep?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“I’m your guard. It IS my business. Why ain’t you asleep?”

“I’m not tired.”

“Something bothering you?”

“No.”

I can see it written all over his face in glow in the dark paint. “Ah-ha. You really are a bad liar. Is it cuz your legs?”

“NO.” He turned to face away from me.

“Hey. Listen: you’re going to get it. I know you will.”

“But how come Tak could so easily? All mine do is attack me.”

“Just because she got it faster than you, that doesn’t make her better than you.”

“Zim never claimed it did.”

He’s hurt. His words and his feelings are battling against each other. Tak being able to activate her PAK legs without any difficulties was eating him alive but he would never admit it.

“Listen… Zim. It’s going to get easier. You just gotta keep at it. Small steps get you far in life.”

He shrugged, sitting up, curling into himself. “Zim wonders about that sometimes. Maybe… he isn’t meant to get it.”

There it is. “Of course you are.” I said, gently putting a hand on his shoulder. “I believe in you. You are going to find a way. You never give up. I don’t think you know how.”

He looked my way, eyes wide and glassy. SHIT. Imma make him cry!? I didn’t mean to!

“You… you do?”

Huh?

“Of course I believe in you, dummy. And I will be here every step of the way. I got you.” I said, grazing my thumb across his cheek. A smile took the place of that awful frown and his eyes lit. “Here. I got you a little something, but only if you try to get some sleep. You got a long day of training with your PAK and you need all the rest you can get. Oh, and don’t let anyone know I did this.” I said putting my finger to my lips.

I reached into a belt pocket and grabbed a wrapped hard candy. With two fingers I held it in front of him, he looked at it inquisitively. His grubby little hands reached for it and I let him grab it. He stared at it, slowly unwrapping it and Then glanced back at me. I guess he didn’t trust it.

“It’s not drugged or nuthin’. Just some sweets.”

Again, he stared at me.

“What?”

“Your accent is really weird.”

“Just eat the damn candy and shut up” I said, pushing the sweet into his mouth. He just huffed but suckled on.

“Now DON'T cause anymore problems and get some shut eye. I will see you bright n’ early.”

He just puffed his cheeks and rolled over. Think I handled that well. And maybe, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for him.

Smiled and waved on my way out. Dunno if he saw me but it doesn’t hurt. Walked into the hallway, into dread. Leaned against the wall and slid down.

Us E.L.I.T.E.S can’t disobey orders from the Control brains but… I pray with everything I have in me that things stay like this forever. Cuz’ if i ever had my mission changed or if I had to hurt him… idunno what I would do.

Zara out