#ANYWAY the point is that i think all three of these stories are really relevant to host!vic in interesting ways

[bantersnatch]

"The Ugly Duckling" (illustrated by Theo van Hoytema); Dropout's "Very Important People"; Wikipedia on Hans Christian Anderson's "The Ugly Duckling"; Wikipedia on "Leda and the Swan"; "Leda and the Swan" (statue by Emanuele Caroni); William Butler Yeats' "Leda and the Swan"; Joseph Jacobs' recounting of "The Swan Maidens"

[timeslipcamp]

just real quick thoughts on the opening lines depending on the ghoul you pick to "save" at the beginning

spoilers for the prologue i guess???

idk why i spoiler tagged it whatever

anyways so i think choosing to save someone was just typical dating sim nonsense (even if it's not an otome it is in my head) but i think a few of them are plot relevant while others...not so much

reading through the story i definitely think they have "main" characters that are integral to the plot while others are just there to help move the story along, and i think it shows in the intro lines. here are the ones i collected that felt the most plot relevant:

jin, obviously. he was framed and exposed last year with the clash, and he's being used like a pawn by the higher ups. the fixed game feels relevant to taiga's as well by him calling it a busted flush. jin's obviously aware they were being played all along, and unfortunately it may have been his lack of action that brought them here.

alan...kind of came out of left field. i think alan knows a lot more about what happened last year than he's letting on, and with the way he's working with tohma (and jin lowkey) i think they're going to figure the traitor thing out fast--but maybe not fast enough.

ren's another one that i didn't expect to be plot relevant but it definitely felt like it is. this could also be attributed to typical ren "i don't want to" stuff, but it also is lowkey giving me the vibe that he might flip traitor if he thinks it's easier. that, or mc convinced him to do something and now he's gotta die lol

i do also think this reflects how he feels about his stigma as well. he's very reluctant to have anything to do with that or the ocean, which also leads me to believe he may not have wanted to make his pact in the first place.

as said in another post, i think taiga knows everything that's going on and i also think he knows we're in a time loop. my personal theory is that he's done this so many times that he's willing to try just about anything at this point to break the time loop.

this time, his sacrifice may be the key to breaking it. who knows? or maybe he's jumped into the flames so many times at this point that he's begging you to do something different

oh haku. haku my beloved suspected traitor. this has "i lied to you and you still loved me" written all over it. maybe he's jumping to try and make up for fucking everyone over

subaru, another one high on my traitor list--but not really. i just genuinely think subaru is so terrified of losing control that he comes off suspicious. i've got another post in the works on him, but i need to reread ep 15 like three more times. anyways, he reads as very self sacrificing (and self sabotaging, and self flaggellating...) and this seems totally in line for him to do

another interesting thing to note even though i don't think it's super relevant is that all the ghouls look at you as they jump--except luca. luca is the only one that has his eyes closed. is he the only one who actually regrets jumping?

[hugemilkshake]

Hey can you do more uh...self aware cookie run au with anxious reader? Just I can't help but imagine more scenarios of y/n being anxious and thinking 'OH MY GOD IM GONNA DIE!' Buuut end up spoiled by cookies. Here are some examples I thought up but if you think of anymore cute and fun things, I'd love to see em too!

Y/n goes to the hollyberry kingdom and meets pitaya. Thinks they are gonna die to dragon...nope, dragon just wants to encourage y/n to make smores or roast jelly dogs over their flames and if a single one of the cookies who sabotage the competition even think for a SECOND about interrupting that, then they got another thing coming!

Y/n thinks they are gonna die to the licorice sea or the traitor affogato cookie when encountering them....sea acts kind to y/n somehow (or just ignores em...your choice lol) and affogato just wants to spoil y/n with sweets! (Bonus: instead of joining the COD....they go with y/n as something along the lines of 'you know what? I don't want to take over this kingdom anymore. I don't want it anymore, I want y/n! King, I admit to everything, please banish me so I can run away to y/n's kingdom!') Lmao!

Golden cheese kingdom...y/n goes in, thinking glitches are gonna kill em buuuut all the digital cookies make sure y/n is feeling safe, happy, and comfortable....aaaand golden cheese gives em lots of hugs lol! Can imagine being wrapped up in her wings feels really good!

Enjoy the milkshake! I had to give an excuse for writing about affogato cookie- I mean, the dude caused me brain rot. Also I’m not writing any golden cheese stuff because smoked cheese massacred my team and I’m angry at that (my team had way more power than smoked cheese)

Somewhat plot relevant?

-platonic self aware au-

Normally you had means of controlling your anxiety but at this moment, there was no way you could control your anxiety. You were in the middle of a forest! And not even one in your own world! It was one in the game you had recently just gotten into!

You were only on episode 4 in the story mode so you literally had no clue where you were. You just sat on the ground and started to silently panic.

But at some point a cookie you did see once in the cookie unlock screen kinda picked you up and just took you to a palace? You don’t really remember what the cookie said but they weren’t hurting you! So that must mean something!

But you were now having a feast in this palace with a cookie who you learned was actually a dragon- well anyways the dragon said they were Pitaya Dragon, also known as The Red Dragon. You did panic for a moment before Pitaya told you to just chill out and have something to eat.

And you know what? It was actually quite fun! The Red Dragon talked about other dragons and nice fun stories while the two of you ate, you were sad to go but you had too. You got some berries and stuff you could sell as a wondering traveler. Though you did tell Pitaya you’d come back one day so might want to stay close

——————

You had gone from a warm and humid forest to a frozen wasteland. What’s more to say? You had everything you needed to survive and villages were quite nice to you, you had your own gear so you didn’t bother them too much.

But you did befriend a peculiar cookie when you were by the Dark Cacao kingdom…

A cookie who looked quite lavish found you and seemed a little lost and panicked… kinda how you were when you first got here…. You felt bad to the cookie so you went to talk to them

Apparently his name is Affogato Cookie and he was banished from the Dark Cacao kingdom on the grounds of the false accusations of him trying to upstage the king. Poor guy…

Now since Pitaya Dragon was so generous to you when you had nothing so you decided to help Affogato get back in his feet since you should be passing on others kindness!

What you didn’t know was that one Affogato lied to you, two Affogato had connections to Dark Enchantress and three, he would become your travel buddy. So now the two of you travel around as friends :3

[project-sekai-facts]

what are some short pjsk stories?

the shortest story is kamikou festival, which is very early into the game so doesn't really require you to have read anything other than main story. it's a good insight into mizuki and also rui's characters and backstories.

the next shortest story is restart from here, which only requires knowledge of the mmj main story, and is a good starting point for airi's character. after that is dont let doubts hold you back, which is a good introduction to honami and although it's the second ln event, you can probably skip stella since saki isn't a main player here.

those three events are all under 50 minutes. someday with our back to back lyrics is 50 minutes long, and is a good starting point for an and kohane's relationship and starts off their arc that culminates in whip the wimp girl. once again main story is advised but that goes for all events.

some events between 50 minutes-1 hour that have official translation:

hello good day (51 minutes, nothing really happens in this one you can read it without any other stories)

captive marionette (52 minutes, first n25 event that kicks off mafuyu's arc up to present day, requires main story)

first star after the rain (53 minutes, intro to saki's character and requires main story)

run! sports festival (53 minutes, despite being an emu event it provides far more development for haruka, specifically around her school life. doesn't really require any other reading)

period of nocturne (54 minutes, starts toya's arc around his conflict with his dad that didn't get picked up again until concerto, doesn't really require anything other than main story)

the tone played on that day (54 minutes, requires carnation recollection and at the very least knowledge of what happened in niigo arc 1)

knowing the unseen (55 minutes, incredibly important for ena and her relationship with her dad but requires all previous ena unit events except maybe hope beyond the morning)

awakening beat (56 minutes, provides good early character development for kohane, doesn't really require previous vbs events i feel like it explains what's been going on well enough)

zookeeper experience (57 minutes, i'll be real i don't really remember what happens in this event but i think it was mostly vibes. mixed events aren't usually too plot relevant anyway)

my footprints, your destination (58 minutes, incredibly important for mizuki but requires secret distance and exciting picnic)

let sekai hear your song (58 minutes, tree sekai stuff but doesn't really require backreading because of exposition)

color of myself (59 minutes, starts off shizuku's character arc. requires knowledge of what happens in restart)

mirage of lights (59 minutes, focuses quite a lot on mafuyu's relationship with her mother, marionette is advised)

that day the sky was far away (59 minutes, almost entirely flashback about shiho's middle school experience so doesn't really require knowledge beyond main story)

full power! wonder halloween (incredibly important to rui's character and his relationships with tsukasa and nene. requires main story)

unsatisfied pale color (starting point for ena's arc, requires main story)

if you're trying to do stamp missions just play chapter 1 of sekai new year 50 times and you can clear the stamp card within 20 minutes

[maxilsmaster]

au where eggman adopts sonic

now i know what you’re thinking, “there are already sonic villain aus out there”, but i’m here to tell you, this ain’t no sonic villain au! sonic is still a hero here! the difference is backstory.

the tl;dr is that eggman adopts sonic and tails but they’re not evil and he is, but he’s a good dad anyway

eggman finds little baby sonic (by baby, i mean somewhere in the 4-7 range) all alone on christmas island. the hedgehog doesn’t speak, when asked if he has a family all he does is shake is head, he’s quite obviously abandoned. so eggman adopts this little blue hedgehog! he learns sign language, teaches it to sonic, puts his kid in school, and overall is actually a really good parent. but there is one problem: he’s still evil. he still wants to conquer the planet. sonic disagrees with this. when he fails to convince his dad through words, he ends up taking action and destroying robots. eggdad is not pleased by this, but he supposes that it was inevitable that his kid might not turn out to be evil like him. he still continues his schemes of course, but sonic also continues to stop him. eggman does make sure to program his robots to not target sonic, too.

at some point, eggy creates metal to be an artificial brother for sonic. metal matches sonic’s speed, and is also mute. sonic is overjoyed at his new brother :)

and then he meets tails. the two immediately take a liking to each other, and sonic learns that tails’ situation is similar to how his own used to be. immediately sonic takes tails to eggy and demands he adopt the fox. eggdad accepts and now there are three brothers :)

at some point, sonic and tails arrive on angel island. sonic gets the emeralds punched out of him by knuckles, who has NOT met eggman and just doesn’t like intruders. when eggman learns about this, he’s pissed and steals the master emerald. after this whole situation is resolved, sonic tries to get eggman to adopt knuckles, but knux won’t allow it, so he’s an unofficial brother

at around 12 years old, sonic starts speaking verbally (though in periods of excitement or stress he’ll still go back to sign) (this is just how i headcanon sonic normally but it’s still relevant)

i have the plots written down for a lot of the games, so i’m gonna go through the mainline modern ones briefly

sonic adventure: eggman tries to keep chaos out of sonic’s way, fails miserably

sonic adventure 2 is a fun one! the beginning is mostly the same, eggman finds shadow, sonic gets arrested, etc, but then eggman finds out sonic got arrested and is PISSED, so he has shadow rescue sonic. sonic is pissed about the false arrest and fights shadow, shadow is forced to use chaos control to bring sonic to eggdad before the island explodes, and now sonic is with the dark story for the rest of the plot. eggdad brings sonic to space, tails, knux and amy follow, sonic learns shadow is technically his (uncle? second cousin once removed? it’s one of them, idk which), sonic is NOT launched off the ark bc eggy wouldn’t do that to his son. plot happens, shadow “dies”, and adventure 2 is done!

at some point, eggy finds shadow, and sonic and tails are aware of this. they don’t tell anyone shadow is alive though (and eggman doesn’t tell them about the androids)

sonic heroes happens bc metal thinks he’s better at being evil than eggman, now everyone knows shadow is alive yay, and also sonic and tails are immediately sus of this plan

rush happens too but i don’t know enough about rush to accurately change the plot, but i’m sure the plot changes at least a bit

we’re not gonna talk about 06 bc it gets retconned by itself

unleashed has shadow as the protag instead of sonic

colors is almost entirely unchanged except 1, yacker gets hypnotized in the one cutscene instead of tails, and 2, eggdad did his best to make the amusement park enjoyable for his kids :)

generations! hoo boy! eggman doesn’t get invited to the birthday party (it’s his birthday too) so he causes Issues! oh and shadow gens happens lol

lost world… oh boy. this one is traumatic for everyone involved. there’s less arguing involved, but sonic is still an impulsive dumbass (leading to tails getting kidnapped, which traumatizes sonic and eggdad) and eggy presumably falling to a fiery death (only sonic is around to see this). so sonic is having a Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day all around, and the zeti are also trying extra hard to kill him to spite eggface. luckily it all works out, except that therapy Will Be Required

forces is another fun one! for me ofc, not the characters. infinite betrays eggman early on, locking him up, then also defeats sonic, locking him up too. bc i am merciful, i am reducing the time the war takes down to one month (mainly bc really, that’s more than enough time for everything to go to shit). sonic and eggman are NOT tortured (bc that was just a weird translation thing), but more therapy will def be required. also rookie/gadget saves both sonic and eggman

at some point, eggdad creates sage. he does not intend for sage to become his daughter. but also sonic and tails both know sage from the start, which is relevant for this next bit

frontiers happens next, and really, the main issue is that sage Refuses To Properly Communicate With Sonic. eggy doesn’t want to put his kids in danger so he tells sage not to run any simulations where that happens. in the end though, sonic still has to get involved. and also now there is a Sister :)

tmosth also happens because i fucking love tmosth. the train is sentient which is why sonic gets knocked out

will add some links to character descs and stuff when i post more about this au (and i’ll also try to come up with a name while i do that)

[officialleehadan]

Writing Pregnancy

Hello darlings. I've been thinking about writing this for a while, and it seems useful to a lot of people who are planning to Baby or who have characters who are planning to, or currently are, Babying.

It's not exactly a story, but y'all seem to like these essays from time to time, so I hope this one is interesting too.

So here it is. A guide to being pregnant as written by someone who has recently done it, for writers who have not or will not do it themselves.

This post will be broken down by weeks, because that’s how medical people do it, and also because some of this stuff really doesn’t happen by month.

DISCLAIMER: Every pregnancy is different. Your mileage may differ, maybe a lot. This is based on my pregnancy and is written as a handy reference for people who haven't done this themselves.

An important note, doctors count pregnancy as having begun AT THE DATE OF THE FIRST DAY OF YOUR LAST PERIOD unless there are extenuating circumstances such as an extremely unreliable, or nonexistent period. If this is the case, they will judge it based on your first ultrasound (8 weeks or so) or by when morning sickness kicks in (6-10 weeks) depending on the tech level your character is facing.

Be aware, this guide will be fairly explicit and will talk about the squishy bits, since they’re pretty involved in this whole business. If you keep reading and discover the horrible truth, that pregnancy is profoundly icky in many ways, I warned you.

Anyway, on to the fun part!

FAQ:

I am in my early-mid 30s (early when newly pregnant, older now obviously) when I was pregnant. I am in sound, but not neurotypical, mental health, and good physical health. I do not have major allergies or food issues other than caffeine which I am allergic to. (This is also relevant. More on this later.) I have some notable back problems which will be noted here because they’re relevant too. This pregnancy was planned and I have a wonderful and extremely supportive spouse (husband) who is the baby’s biological father. I also work a lot, but from home, which very much altered my experience

Week One: FIRST TRIMESTER

Technically speaking, right now, you’re probably menstruating and not actually pregnant at all. This will feel like a normal period, because that’s what it is. You’re not pregnant yet. Business as usual. If you were planning to get pregnant, you’re already on prenatal vitamins.

Week Two:

Congrats! You got laid! You still feel normal because implantation hasn’t happened yet. You’re still not technically pregnant. Just horny. Get it while it’s hot. If this pregnancy was an accident, or you’re trying to get pregnant, you’re not eagerly awaiting the point where you can test to know for sure.

Week Three:

Okay this is where you might see your first symptoms if your cycle is very regular, like mine is, and you’re watching your body closely for “that’s new” stuff. In my case, my boobs started swelling like they do when I’m on my period, except I was two weeks out from my period. Cue “huh, I might be pregnant” montage.

Week Four:

If you can test and you’re using the good home tests, or you’re in a hospital, this is probably when you test positive for pregnancy. Congrats!

Cue the “oh crap I’m pregnant??” Montage. (Yes this will happen even if you wanted it, planned it, and were actively trying to get pregnant. There will be some panic. You very likely will consider getting an abortion even if you’re eager and wanting the pregnancy. Don’t beat yourself up. This is normal.)

Week Five:

If your cycle is reasonably regular, this is when you’re gonna miss your first missed period. If you knew you’re pregnant, this is cool! Menstruation sucks. Not having your period for nine months is one of the best parts of pregnancy. If you didn’t know you’re pregnant, you’re probably panicking about now and buying a home test.

The ClearBlue digital ones are good and they’re in most pharmacies. Get those ones. Buy your prenatals at the same time. If you don’t want them, you don’t want them, but if you do want them, making a second trip is annoying. Also consider taking D3, calcium, fiber gummies, and fish oil. They all support you and baby health and keep the pregnancy from taking more of the nutrients form your body than you can spare.

Week Six:

You feel like you should feel different and don’t, and it’s weird. For those with a longer, or irregular cycle, this might be where you hit the stuff from Week Five. If you’re having the boob inflation like I did, that’s still happening. Buckle up. It’s not gonna stop. Otherwise, you feel weirdly normal. For a character who doesn’t have access to good sex education, they may not even know they’re pregnant yet.

Week Seven:

Basically the same as Week Six. You feel like you should feel different, and don’t. It’s uncommon, but you might start feeling morning sickness around this point. It’ll start as vague nausea and food aversions. This will get worse.

Week Eight:

Your first ultrasound! Congrats! It looks like a gummy bear that twitches! If you have twins, it may or may not be detectable at this point. You can’t tell the sex yet. It’s a gummy bear. If you don’t get an ultrasound for reasons of fictional story, you still might not know you’re pregnant. If you’re going to get an abortion, this is the last chance in many places.

Week Nine:

So It Begins. The morning sickness. You have food poisoning all the time. You feel profoundly like hell and may be prone to puking, and still being hungry, so you go back and keep eating, because you need the calories. This is also when you start getting thirsty all the time. This is because you gain more than half again your blood volume while pregnant. You need that hydration to make blood and amniotic fluid for your baby.

I found ice cream bars with nuts to be very good for dealing with morning sickness, and ginger did absolutely nothing at all. I basically lived on tea for a while there.

Week Ten:

Congrats. You feel like crap basically all the time. My morning sickness was pretty mild and I was puking almost every day. More if I hit a trigger food, which for me was anything that tasted or smelled ‘green’ (zucchini especially but cucumber and most leafy greens too) ‘water smell’ (showering, rain, humidity in general) and the usual ick smells (the trash).

You’re also tired all the time. Naps R Us. If you get flat and comfortable, you’re gonna fall asleep. If you’re flat and uncomfortable you might fall asleep. If you’re reasonably supported and upright you might fall asleep. Just assume you’re gonna be sleeping a lot.

If you’re writing a character with morning sickness, they’re likely to be very cuddly, but also very reluctant to go more than a very quick jog to the toilet.

The good news is that this is also when the major risk of miscarriage is over, and is frequently when people tell their families they’re expecting. Cue lots of celebrations!

Week Eleven:

“What the crap did I get myself into?”

Week Twelve:

“When is this crap gonna go away?”

Your baby is moving now, but you can’t feel it at all. You’ll see it in the ultrasounds however, which is neat.

Week Thirteen: SECOND TRIMESTER

“I have been eating soup and applesauce for FOUR WEEKS and I want Mexican but refried beans went Badly.”

it’s not uncommon to get a UTI at this point because you’re peeing a lot and it’s tough to stay clean because water smell makes you puke. Your doctors will take this uncomfortably seriously. You will get The Good Antibiotics, not the piddly crap they usually give out.

You will also now have very strong opinions about what sucks to puke up, as dictated by your nose, which has opinions about everything. You will have safe foods. Unfortunately for you, you’re just about past needing them.

Week Fourteen:

“I want a sandwich with deli meat, and a whole plate of sushi, and I can’t have either of them. This sucks.”

If you gave up caffeine, this is where that will really get hard. If you were already caffeine free, like I was, you’ll be jonsing for stuff you’re not allowed to have, like raw fish and deli meat. Be strong, but if you waver, it probably isn’t the end of the world. 

I’m told this is where cravings kick in, but I didn’t get anything notable, so I don’t know.

Week Fifteen:

This is about the time you kind of start feeling better. They say morning sickness starts improving around Week Thirteen, but for me it was longer. The napping is still a thing, so just be okay with that. This also when I started to show. That really depends on body type. I went into pregnancy carrying a little extra weight because I knew I would lose some during morning sickness (I lost nine pounds and mine wasn’t that bad. Be aware.) so it took a little longer for me to show.

More interestingly, you can actually feel your uterus now. It’s kind of like a grapefruit below your belly button. It will grow. You will be very curious about it the whole time

Week Sixteen

“Hey, I kind of feel better now!”

You have energy again. It’s novel. You can do chores and drive, and generally be a person. It shouldn’t be as exciting as it is, but here we are. Time to decorate the nursery if you have one, and to put together a whole bunch of stuff. It’s also a good time to clean up the ‘first trimester disaster’ that is your comfy spot and the mounds of crap around it.

Week Seventeen:

Still napping a lot, but almost feel human. Watch out for the Icks (your pregnancy sensitivities, like ‘green’ for me, which didn’t go away for my whole pregnancy) but you can actually take a shower without puking in the shower now! Scented products may or may not bother you later, but you’ll want them after you give birth. I threw away my shower gel after it made me sick and I regret it now.

Week Eighteen:

“Wow, I have a Baby Bump!” Cue walking around with your hand in your belly so everyone knows you’re pregnant OR wearing your biggest baggiest clothing to hide it and still feeling like it’s super obvious.

Week Nineteen:

There’s a fair chance you felt your baby move at this point, but unfortunately you’re also farting enough to fill the Hindenburg and this early any kicks feel like gas. Stay away from open flames and you’ll be okay.

Week 20: HALFWAY DONE!

Anatomy scan! This is your second ultrasound and the one where you might find out the sex of your baby. This is also where they’ll look for birth defects and genetic conditions. You may also do a blood test here which can also screen for genetic issues, and problems such as RH incompatibility, which is totally treatable with modern science but could kill a baby in a more medieval story.

Note: you may not find out the gender at this or any point until birth. My little girl got her nickname of Wiggles because she was doing cartwheels and the tech couldn’t get a good look between her legs. We didn’t find out her gender until she was born.

If you do find out, and this is crucial, DO NOT tell anyone but your partner what the sex is, or what names you’re considering. Everyone has opinions and all of them suck. Lie through your teeth about not knowing, or just tell them you want it to be a surprise. Do anything but tell them what they want to know. You will regret it if you do

Week Twenty-One:

“Holy crap that was intense. Definitely a kick!”

This is called the ‘quickening’ and for a fantasy character, will be one of the big ‘you’re really pregnant’ signs, because miscarriage is common. At twenty weeks, that risk is much less, which is a huge relief. Plus, now you’re getting kicks, which are all kinds of fun. It’s your first chance to really interact with the person you’re building inside you!

Week Twenty-Two:

“I need to clean the whole house right now everything is dirty I might rearrange the living room.

Welcome to nesting. It doesn’t go away. Use it to your advantage and clean whatever needs cleaning. Don’t judge yourself for starting and not finishing a project. You’re burning everything you have. Shame isn’t welcome here.

A fantasy character may start cleaning if they’re poor, or making baby clothing.

Week Twenty-Three:

Okay here’s where I started having problems. I have hypermobile ribs and mild scoliosis in my lower spine, these together mean a lot of back pain over the years, which I am very familiar with and which is annoying at best and debilitating at worst.

The issue? Pregnancy comes with a huge dose of the natural chemical relaxin. As the name implies, this softens up your tendons, among other things. If you have hypermobility already, get ready for a whole range of fun new ways to pop your bones out of place.

The worse issue? During pregnancy, you’re not allowed any painkiller but Tylenol. If you’re like me and hyper resistant to most pain meds, you might as well be popping tiktacs for all the good Tylenol will do for you.

Buy a heat pad (NOT A BLANKET, you cannot overheat right now) it will help.

If you tell your medical professionals about this back pain, they will freak out and want to get your kidneys tested, because asymptomatic UTIs can turn into kidney infections very quickly during pregnancy and can get very serious very quickly. If you are familiar with your particular brand of back pain, have the “Chronic Pain and You” conversation with your doctor early. The earlier the better. They still won’t give you anything better than Tylenol, but they probably won’t try to test your kidneys unless you pop a fever

Week Twenty-Four:

Kicking! Those are real kicks! Holy crap! Kicking!

This is so much fun, but it's also pretty unreliable. Baby will kick when it pleases them, not when you want to show someone else, and it'll be sporadic, even until the very end.

You may be getting Braxton hicks contractions. They don’t hurt, but they make your belly tense up, which is amusing. Also, when you orgasm, your uterus will get all hard. It does this normally, you just can’t usually feel it. It might freak you out a little. Coincidentally you will be horny enough to hop aboard just about anything that holds still long enough. Get a willing partner and/or a very fine collection of sex toys and be prepared to spend a lot of time taking yourself in hand.

Week Twenty-Five:

Your Dr appointments now happen every two weeks unless they’re worried about something. Also, buy a really comfortable pair of slip on shoes. Your time of being able to reach your feet is coming to an end and you’re gonna want them. Pro: maternity clothing is super soft and comfy and you’re gonna be delighted to wear it. It does tend to come in an unfortunate variety of ‘little house on the preggo’ floral patterns with demure necklines, but there’s some good stuff out there

Week Twenty-Six:

The Eater Beast Appears. You’re hungry all the time. No really. All the time. Constantly. Nuts are good for a snack. I ate a lot of peanut butter and apples. You may be having cravings. If so, lean into them. Have fun with it. This is the good part of your pregnancy.

Plus side, EVERYTHING tastes good!

Week Twenty-Seven

You REALLY look pregnant now. People will start asking when you’re due and giving you bad advice. Don’t murder them. You can probably get away with it, but cleaning up all that blood is hard when you can’t actually get off the ground without help anymore.

Week Twenty-Eight: THIRD TRIMESTER

Final ultrasound and gestational diabetes testing. The ultrasound is fun because Baby looks like a baby now! Holy crap! There’s a whole person inside you! You contain twice the usual number of bones! If you’re having a boy, you have in fact grown a pair.

My baby had a tiny little heart defect, so we talked to a specialist at this point. Try not to freak out if this happens. Defects like that are very easy to fix, and often go away on their own as my girl’s did.

The diabetes testing is different for everyone. They’ll have you drink a glycerin drink (get the orange flavored one. It’s reasonably inoffensive and you have to chug the stuff) and will test your blood to see how you react to the sugars. Don’t freak out if it’s positive. Most of the time gestational diabetes goes away after birth. If you’re borderline, they’ll test you again but for three hours rather than one.

The glycerin drink made me really sick and I refused to do the three hour testing. They will get very grumpy if you do this, however, you can buy a diabetic testing kit and track your blood sugars four times a day for a week instead, and they’ll accept that too. (Don’t get the one they prescribe. The Contour Next is cheap, reliable, easy to use, and doesn’t cost $200)

They might want you to change your diet and exercise. You will want to murder them for this. Don’t do it. Go for the damn walks and eat less carbs. It will kind of suck, but it’s for your baby, and it isn’t permanent.

Week Twenty-Nine

Return of the Nap Demon. You will sleep SO MUCH. Let it happen. Your body is working hard to build another person. Have mercy on yourself. Eat. Be okay with the weight gain. A lot of it is the baby inside you and your placenta, and the fluid you need to support them both. You need the calories.

Also, LACTATION! This is when two more of your orifices, which previously did not leak, start to leak. This too, will get worse. You can save the colostrum for your baby though, which can be helpful.

Week Thirty:

The Final Countdown. You’re ten weeks off your due date and if you haven’t already, you need to figure out how and where you want to give birth. Talk with your midwives and doctors. If you’re high risk, they won’t want you to give birth outside a hospital. This will feel crappy, but is honestly the safest choice provided you’re willing to tell doctors to piss off when needed. Start figuring out your birth plan. Talk to other expecting parents.

Week Thirty-One:

“Ugh, I’m huge.”

At this point, your character absolutely is not getting on a horse without a lot of help, and cannot ride for long regardless without serious discomfort or even pain. A fall could mean losing the baby, or a serious injury, and the undercarriage is not gonna handle having that much weight on it for long without protestations.

Week Thirty-Two

“Why am I crying? I’m not actually upset about anything and yet, I am hysterical.”

Warn your partner about this phase beforehand. They won’t believe how bad it’s gonna get, but the warning is still nice to have. Remind them that you warned them between bites of your favorite ice cream.

Week Thirty-Three:

Everyone you know who has baby stuff will try to give it to you. Be prepared to refuse whatever you don’t want. Be merciless or you will be flooded with broken baby crap you don’t want until you find some other poor soul to pawn it off on.

Week Thirty-Four:

You’ve been talking names, but now it’s time to decide for real. Try to follow this guide with your baby name options. Your kid will thank you for it.

1. Easy to say (no weird pronunciations)

2. Easy to spell (you are permitted ONE silent letter and no more)

3. Does not require explanation (Cultural names of a culture you’re not part of, especially)

4. Sounds good with middle and last name

5. Initials don’t spell something weird or stupid (Dora Indigo Kennedy sounds great, but the initials spell DIK)

6. Has agreeable nicknames (Elizabeth > Lizzy)

7. Isn’t a gimme for bullies to make fun of (Pubert)

8. Isn’t in the top 10 most popular names within the last five years. (Don’t want five of them in the same class)

9. Is not the name of someone you hate, even if it’s also the name of a family member. (obviously)

Follow these, and you will have a happy child who does not resent you for naming them something weird and messed up that no one can ever say or spell correctly, and which they have to explain every time they introduce themselves

Week Thirty-Five

You’re huge. You’ve just about reached maximum size and if your baby comes early at this point, they’ll probably be fine. This is immensely reassuring, because you have spent the last several months panicking about what if the baby comes early. Nightly baths are amazing. Also, your hair and nails will grow super fast right now, so be ready for that.

Week Thirty-Six:

Mobility is a serious issue. Stairs are hard. So are curbs. Getting into and out of a car is a Process and getting up off the couch or out of bed takes a While unless you have help. Your balance is screwed and you waddle now. You’re a real fall risk and that does change how you interact with the world.

You also probably can’t unload the laundry if it’s a top-loader, and you might not be able to do the dish washer either. Bonus! Less chores

Week Thirty-Seven:

Remember the Nap Demons? They’re back and they brought a friend. Heartburn Hell. It’s been bad for a while but it’s worse now. Skip the tums and go for something stronger.

Week Thirty-Eight:

Your craps are gone. Baby is due in fourteen days and you have given up on your good habits. You’re probably still walking, but only because Baby has their head lodged against your cervix and is trying to burrow out. People call this lightning crotch for a reason because it really feels like you have a taser lodged up there that gives you a shock now and then

On the plus side, baby kicks like crazy now and that’s both awesome and kind of uncomfortable. You can play with their feet and poke them, and they’ll probably have a favorite place to hang out in your belly. Pro tip, if baby just will not settle, get a hot pack and put it against the side where they hang out. They’ll curl up and go to sleep on it. Just make sure you don’t overheat.

If you think anyone this pregnant is doing much of anything except growl about how heavy they feel and eat, you’re wrong. Nobody is leading armies to war like this. Anyone trying to fight because their life is immediately in danger will probably lose because they are large, heavy, clumsy, and their center of gravity is toast.

Week Thirty-Nine:

The last rush of Nesting and it’ll be a bad one. You’re gonna try to do all kinds of stupid crap, like scrubbing the floors (you get stuck) climbing up ladders (you are a fall risk, get down) trying to drive places (you get dizzy, you should not be driving at this point) and trying to lift heavy stuff (absolutely not). You might try to paint your nursery or hang curtains. I tried to plant my whole garden. Don’t be me

Week Forty:

The Due Date Has Come. You’re now on baby-watch. You’re probably having a ton of Braxton Hicks, but the big difference between them and the real deal is pain. Braxton Hicks don’t hurt and real ones kind of feel like period cramps. How uncomfortable contractions are at first will really depend on how you handle pain.

Week Forty-One:

“What the hell do you mean I haven’t gone into labor yet?? Get this child out of me!”

Week Forty-Two:

“Crap. I’m just gonna be pregnant forever, huh? …oh crap. I think my water just broke.”

The usual questions:

Morning sickness:

So, morning sickness isn’t puking all the time. In fact if you’re puking more than once a day it’s a serious medical condition called hyperemesis gravidarum and sometimes requires medication

More commonly it’s a general sense of not feeling well, followed by brief but dramatic puking. Honestly, the closest analogy is really bad food poisoning when you can feel the puke coming, but it hasn’t come yet

During the morning sickness phase, you HAVE to eat. Not eating makes it so much worse, so it helps if you set a strict schedule of eating a snack or a small meal every two hours you’re awake, and as soon as you wake and right before bed. Apple sauce good. Doesn’t suck coming back up. Same with most soups. Avoid spicy, acids, and crunchy stuff. They’re all miserable coming back. Drink a LOT of water.

Scents will be a problem. Your sense of smell goes haywire and cranks up to 11. I’m practically noseblind and I could smell the apples in my kitchen from across the house. Normally this would be fun. During morning sickness, it means fun new ways to puke in exciting places. The smell difference between being inside and going outside is sometimes enough, and any of your trigger scents or flavors will get you reliably. Scented products are a hard no. Pack them away for now. You’ll want them later.

The hard part is that doing anything strenuous, like hanging out with friends or going to the grocery store, will make it worse for the days following. The exhaustion compounds. You absolutely can’t borrow from tomorrow’s spoons and trying to push yourself will just lead to being even worse off the next day. You HAVE to rest. It’s not optional and your body will enforce it on you.

It does help to get an essential oil you like and wear it in a diffuser. I used lavender, but any smell you like and which doesn’t smell like death to you will work. Make sure it isn’t touching skin. A lot of oils are caustic, and some are toxic.

Other than that, just try to ride it out. It doesn’t last.

Body changes:

It starts out slow and then lingers. You’ll feel like you should be showing way before you are, but once you hit your second trimester, it’s very obvious you’re pregnant, and one you hit the third trimester they can probably see you from space. You waddle. Your coordination goes down the tubes, you’re hot all the time, thirsty and hungry all the time, and exhausted a lot of the time.

You will also stink. Your BO will spike with your hormones and unfortunately, you will absolutely not want to bathe until the third trimester, when you want to be in the water all the time.

Your hair will, however, be awesome. Preggo hair is a thing. So is post-partum shedding, so be ready to shed more than three long-hair cats. It’s a thing. Unfortunately this does include your body hair, which will grow fast and thick. If it bothers you, you’re gonna be shaving a lot.

Here’s where it gets TMI, but if you’re writing a pregnant character or you’re pregnant/want to get pregnant yourself, you gotta know. There will be itching. You will not be able to shave your undercarriage at all after a certain point, so if it matters that much, you’ll need help. Your cooch will also smell different. Weird, but there it is.

Being in water helps immensely I spent a lot of my pregnancy in the bath and I strongly credit that for helping to support my back and ribs, which were not thrilled about the temporary tenant. It also helps with the ‘ugh I’m heavy’ complaint. Spend as much time in the water as you can, but remember not to let it get more than 100 degrees, or you can put Baby and yourself at risk. You have a lot more blood in your body right now. That makes for certain issues, such as fainting.

You will feel heavy. This is most notable during the third trimester, but when it becomes a problem, it really becomes a problem.

This is a problem because the only pain killer you’re allowed is Tylenol, and not much of that. If you’re in screaming pain, you can go totally hospital but they probably won’t give you anything for it. There’s a serious risk to your baby; and while they won’t prioritize the baby over you, you’re the one who is driving the bus, so they’re gonna make you obey the metaphorical traffic laws.

Labor:

Game day. You’ve been waiting for this for nine months and thank anything holy it’s finally here.

It starts as little flutters that kind of feel like gas, and you’ll probably be farting a fair bit anyway because you have a baby squishing your organs in every direction. After a while, it’ll start to feel more like cramping, and that’s when you know it’s game day. You start timing them at that point, and here’s where Hollywood starts messing up.

Labor is slow.

I was contracting for about ten hours before my water broke. If you’re pregnant, buy the adult diapers. Just do it. Put them on as soon as you realize you’re in labor. What comes out of you when your water breaks is foul. It’s not water. It’s slime, and it’s stinky. Sometimes it’s brown. It’s never something you want on anything you’re planning to keep. The diaper will contain it and you will be GLAD.

So ten hours in, my water broke. This is the sign that it’s not false labor. You’re ready to rock and roll.

This is also where my story differs from most.

Generally, when your water breaks, you’re about ten hours from pushing. Those ten hours will suck, but the nurses are mostly really nice and you can kick the mean ones out without repercussion. If you don’t vibe with one, switch tjem out. You don’t have to keep a nurse you don’t like.

The contractions will get stronger and they will get more painful. The nurses will call them “intense”. That’s bullcrap. It hurts. If you want medication, you have options. Ask for them freely and without shame.

Pushing is kind of a blur. You’ll be on so many endorphins and probably an epidural, that you’ll be in a haze. You push with the contractions for best effect. You’re gonna poop. This is good. Means you’re pushing right. You absolutely will not care in the moment.

It will feel like it’s not progressing at all, but your support people are gonna be on the ball and they’ll give you updates. If you have an epidural, it helps. If not, breathe through it and ride the endorphins. The worst part is when the head isn’t entirely through the cervix and everything is stretching a whole lot. Once the head is in the channel and you’re making progress, it gets easier.

It still hurts a whole lot, even with the meds, but you honestly won’t care because your whole body is designed to do this thing, and it’s GONNA do it at this point, whether you want to or not.

As soon as the head is out, the rest of the baby follows, and it sort of feels like you’ve been gutted. Things because you pretty much have. Birthing the placenta is entirely secondary to your tiny new baby and getting sewn up if you tear is uncomfortable, but after everything else, pretty negligible. Also, new baby!

Afterwards:

So, postpartum recovery sucks. All those endorphins are gone, you’re no longer on pain meds, and you just squeezed a baby through your cooch. You probably have stitches, and everything hurts. Walking is hard and without help, it’s also dangerous. You’re a fall risk. Do not try to hold your baby and walk at the same time unless you absolutely must. That’s what your birth support person is for. If you don’t have one, they’ll provide one.

Peeing hurts. Pooping is worse. You will be passing blood clots and your underwear (remember, get the adult diapers. They’re way better) will look like that scene from The Shining with the blood tsunami. This is all normal but it’s pretty horrifying.

They will give you various products to help with recovery. Some work better than others. Use all of them. The compound effects help.

It will be about three weeks before you feel like you can pee without it hurting. It’ll be closer to six before you can poop without worrying. Either way, there will be some major changes to your squishy parts.

Me specifically:

Remember how I mentioned my story was different? Yeah. So I was in labor for 62 hours, and pushed for five of those before my daughter was born.

For most of it, it was just waiting for my body to get into gear, and then when I wasn’t progressing, for the pitocin to kick in. I didn’t want to be on pitocin, but I wasn’t going to risk my baby, and labor that long comes with some real risks to mother and baby.

I did have both fentanyl (which for reasons of my messed up biology doesn’t affect me at all) and an epidural, which did help, but was hindered by my scoliosis. (Having a curve in your spine makes it hard to put the needle in the right place).

I could have had a c section, but I was very against it and since we were doing okay, despite it taking a long time, they let me have a vaginal birth.

This is not normal and is a product of my messed up biology. Your experience may differ.

Breastfeeding:

Okay babies do not come out of the uterus knowing how to do this. They’re really bad at latching at first and it will take a few tries to get them to latch. Even then, if they have a high palate or a tongue tie, they may struggle to latch.

Even so, breastfeeding really is an incredible feeling of knowing nature built you so right that you can keep your whole baby alive with just what your body makes for them.

This can make breastfeeding hard, and even if they have a good latch, it kind of sucks for a while as your nipples get used to nursing and your milk comes in. You’ll produce colostrum for the first few days, and that will slowly turn to milk over a week or so.

Baby will need to eat basically every hour for the first few weeks, then every two hours, but in greater amounts. As they get better at feeding, it gets easier, but there’s no shame in using formula as a support for your milk. The goal is to keep the baby alive.

Once you’re both used to it, you can even nap pretty well while you feed, especially once you’re in bed. Just make sure there’s absolutely no risk of dropping or rolling on top of the baby.

Your Baby:

Here’s the good part. Babies are awesome! They’re cute, they’re fun, and they’re deeply entertaining to mess with. Make sure you have a basket of toys for your baby, and let the good times roll, even when things are hard. They’ll only be this small once, The tiny baby clothes feel too small until you put them on. I’m keeping all of mine. I don’t know what I’ll use them for, but they’re too cute to get rid of.

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #56 – Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin

At the start of the year, I set out to try and read more proper literature. Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow was not a book I had ever heard of, or by an author I knew anything at all about. But it was on my local bookstore's and local library’s staff pick lists, and has a bunch of awards, and I think showed up on some list of Goodreads recommendations. So 9 months later I finally worked down the list to it and went in totally unprepared and with zero expectations or preconceptions.

The book’s well-written and well-executed, but I can’t say it really worked for me. Or properly, it absolutely was working for the first two thirds or so, but by the end just felt like it lost a lot of the touches that had made it interesting and was just drowning in its own sentimentality.

The book follows Sam and Sadie, two Californian wunderkunds growing up in Los Angelos in the 1980s. They meet in a children’s hospital, where Sam is being treated for a foot the was nearly shattered in a car crash and Sadie is visiting her elder sister as she’s treated for cancer. The two of them instantly begin bonding over playing Super Mario Brothers and begin a friendship and a creative partnership that will - as they grow up and found an artistically and commercially successful video game studio in the late 90s – define the shape of both of their lives, no matter how turbulent and conflicted it at points becomes.

For reasons that probably boil down to the audiobooks my mother played on road trips as a child, I’ve always had a fondness for books that track the broad sweep of a life or lives, zooming out and stretching across the years and decades. So I actually digested this a decent bit more easily than I do a lot of modern litfic that I’ve tried. For the first few hundred pages, it all even holds together very well, bouncing around the timeline and providing childhood episodes and context as it's relevant and making the central relationships compelling and emotionally plausible. Unfortunately a couple of experiments in form (one worked for me, one really didn’t) eat up a lot of page count in the final act, and entirely kill the sense of flow and structure. Not at all helped by the narrative voice losing a lot of its charm and the story growing wholly predictable (and a bit saccharine) in the closing pages.

I say ‘central relationships’ and not ‘relationship’ because describing the book as being about the relationship between Sam and Sadie is just, basically false advertising? Marx – Sam’s college roommate, later Sadie’s boyfriend, the business manager of their video game studio - is for most of the book at least as important a character as the two leads. He’s a much less interesting character – entirely too much of a natural saint, compared to how very flawed and petty Sam and Sadie are both allowed to be – but he’s a key part of the dynamic and most of the book is properly about different permutations of the trio bouncing off of each other. No other character gets a tenth of the focus and exploration of those three, and are really more props for narrative and to incite development than anything else.

The book has (until the end, anyway) a strong narrative voice that I really enjoyed, but which also may have caused me to set my expectations entirely wrong for what the book was actually planning. The only way I can really describe it is that the book reads like one of those New Yorker longreads that are trying very hard to convince you they’re not just rubbernecking some fascinatingly dysfunctional relationships and personal drama among some semi-notable creative figures. Your Bad Art Friends and similar. Deeply opinionated and gossipy, but making a show of seeming detached and objective, always making asides written from the perspective of the modern day and quoting interviews from years later about events as they occur in the narrative. As someone who is a slightly guilty fan of exactly those kind of longreads, it did make for a very fun reading experience.

But it also made me get my hopes up. Which is to say, the early chapters make quite a few references to how latter in life Sam and Sadie wouldn’t be on speaking terms, and how ‘something’ happened at Unfair Games in 2005. I was looking forward to something some messy and newsworthy interpersonal drama of the kind that doesn’t leave either of them (or anyone) looking good. The falling out does occur, but in a way that’s mostly just piles of misunderstandings and a stubborn refusal to communicate from both of them. The company always stays ostensibly together, and things never get much worse than quietly cherished bitterness and a refusal to speak. Which feels very emotionally believable, as incredibly frustrating as it is. The dramatic rupture that happens in 2005, well-

The book’s use of violence always feels slightly unreal. It intrudes on the narrative in ways that, like, they are things that happen, but feel so exaggerated and on-the-nose they took me out of the reading experience, at least a bit. A woman jumps off her balcony to her death and happens to land right in front of a young Sam. His mother stops her car on an LA highway to avoid hitting a dog, and he asks her something that keeps her talking and not moving for the crucial moment before an SUV slams into them, killing her and permanently damaging his foot. And the great end-of-second-act rupture that occurs in 2005 is a pair of homophobic gunmen storming into their office and shooting Marx because their cozy MMO lets gay people get married. Any one would have been fine, but combined they make the illusion of violence as random and capricious wear a bit thin and the writerly artifice underneath a bit too clear, at least for me.

As far as period pieces go – the story isn’t nostalgia bait, but it isn’t not nostalgia bait, either? It’s a few years before my time, so I suppose I just don’t appreciate it properly – the experience of growing up in and living through the late ‘80s through 2000s is one the book cares deeply about replicating. It generally does an excellent job making things feel of-the-moment, if occasionally by having the narrative draw pretty heavy-handed comparisons to what would be different in the present. The aesthetics (fashion, public art and marketing, fads and consumer trends) are all there, and the characters experience them like people to whom they’re novel and trendy. (Personally I could have done with a bit less effort spent describing every single outfit, but if I had memories of what people actually looked like wearing them I might appreciate it more.) It does similar things with LA and (to a far lesser extent) Boston – every other place the book touches on feels vague and a bit unreal, but LA is rendered with a real sense of place and love for the city and it’s little eccentricities.

The area where the book is absolutely nostalgia-bait is video games, and the whole heroic era of rapid changes and improvements to the medium where new boundaries were being crossed every year and a handful of sufficiently talented and dedicated first-time devs could create something genuinely revolutionary. The book even manages the neat trick of making almost every fake game the protagonists create a) plausible for the era and technology and b) actually seem like something I would want to play (less so the Pioneerville MMO created in the final act, as with many things). But I do genuinely want to play Master of Revels quite badly.

The book does share a common failing with what feels like almost every period piece, where by complete coincidence the major characters all conveniently happen to be on the Right Side of History for every really major (that is, from the perspective of the present, character-defining) political issues. This is made a bit more irritating by the fact that despite all being quite radical on the issue of e.g. gay marriage (or just not being even slightly homophobic) from the vantage of the early Bush administration, none of Sadie, Sam or Marx ever even conceive of it as being political.

The book doesn’t conceive of itself as really having politics at all – but again, in the way of a New York Magazine feature where having certain sets of liberal convictions is just a matter of personal decency and morality. A certain unexpressed but present sexual conservativism, a view of class where Sam’s grandparents owning and running a successful restaurant counts as being from the wrong side of the tracks, hyper-conscious of race but without much to really say about it. You’re all familiar with the style, I’m sure.

Anyway yeah, not a bad book by any means, but one that lasted long enough and ended weakly enough to expend any real passion or affection I’d built up for it.

[trialbystory]

LightCannon Fic Recs

Hey, it's been a second since I shared any fanfiction recommendations, and since I've been horrible at actually doing much beyond the literal very beginning of both my Locked Tomb Oneshot and Craft Along project, here are some now.

Brought on by the recent news that the next 2XKO alpha lab is a few short weeks away, here are three(-ish) fics featuring my favorite League of Legends ship, LightCannon (Jinx/Lux), presented in the order I came I across them: (Blanket kind of content warning, these stories more or less all deal with, to some degree, substance use/abuse, internalized and general homophobia, and discussions/depictions of self-harm. When in doubt check the tags, and look after yourself.)

Friction Coefficient by blood_lich_maeve It's a College AU! Jinx and Lux are...let's say 'unlikely to get along,' but end up working on a group project together. Things kind of spiral from there. This one is intense at times and very sweet at others and I enjoy it quite a bit. There is sexual content, most of the explicit stuff is done fade-to-black style with a full scene included in a companion fic, though there are a couple in more recent chapters that are included in the main fic. There are notes at the top of the relevant chapters.

Drama Queens by Jayisque. Enemies to Lovers and Secret Dating kind of vibes. Jinx and Vi are Americans who've been brought into the UK royal family thanks to Vi and Caitlyn's marriage, Lux is the daughter the top American political family. They meet at a boarding school and hijinks ensue. Jinx is about what you'd expect, Lux is....honestly pretty similar but really good at putting up a front. This one looks to only have a couple chapters left and I've had a hell of a fun time with it.

Never Knows Best by Calchexxis. This one's set is fairly canon Runeterra after the events of Arcane season 2. Jinx fled to Demacia and got hurt in an airship crash, compartmentalizing away the whole Jinx persona and becoming Jay, a mute apprentice helping with renovations on the Crownguard manor that Lux develops a fascination with. It's sweet and dramatic and heartbreaking in places and gets pretty intense towards the end. The fic is complete but the author has indicated that a sequel is coming, so check it out now!. And if you finish it before the sequel starts they have another LightCannon fic currently ongoing, The Greatest of These. It's very different vibes than NKB, leaning into some supernatural and vaguely horror-type stuff (Lux has been sent to a convent and now is being stalked by...something that lives there).

There you have it. 3 (+1) LoL fics I think you should go check out. I've done no research at all on whether these are already widely known within the fandom, I literally found them by poking through the relationship tag at various points. ANyway, go read them if the idea of Lux and Jinx being in love appeals to you!

[pseudophan]

i became a phannie in 2018 (right in the middle of ii) and i'm a bit scared to ask lol but... what was the vday video? :0

*cracks knuckles* oh boy

the date is september 17th, 2011. a video gets uploaded to the lessamazingphil youtube channel, it stays up for about three hours. the video, simply titled with an emoticon, is.. deeply embarrassing, if i’m being honest! it’s essentially a valentine’s card from phil to dan, painfully earnest and very very sweet, but obviously not meant to be seen by anyone else. at this point in time the phandom was quite small and nobody really lost their minds fully, though there are still reactions from the day up online. most of the reactions were people just going ‘lol called it’. 

the original upload date of the video was february 13th 2010, and it had been private on lessamazingphil for a year and a half until a YOUTUBE GLITCH publicised it. quite frankly if i was dnp i would be burning down youtube headquarters because that is some fucking bullshit. the video gets taken down as soon as phil notices. he reaches out to people who saw it and explain to them that it was an april fools prank that they decided not to go through with.

now because not THAT many people saw it, and there weren’t many diehard shippers at the time, everything kinda died down. that is, until dnp properly blew up and got genuinely famous and oh no of course someone saved the vday vid and of course someone leaked it. halloween 2012! that’s when it all broke loose. at this point not only was the phandom big but there were a metric fuckton of shippers out there. and so when someone posted THAT.. well, you can imagine. 

dan was in the middle of his no homo howell era and went the FUCK off at people on tumblr about it, phil was answering questions about it like hahaa nooo it was a prank lol. basically they were sticking to the april fools story, which is a hilariously bad excuse for many reasons, and truly did not add up even a little bit. there’s not really a reason anymore for us to pick it apart, because after BIG and dan confirming they were romantically involved at the time it’s more clear than ever that they were full of shit when they said it’s a prank, but people were writing essays about that shit. you had to be there, i fear. but also be glad you weren’t cause it was carnage out there 

for YEARS after this phil would take down any copy of the video online, like i’m talking everywhere from youtube to pornhub to obscure foreign websites. the phandom rule was kind of to just not mention it at all, but definitely never post it.

i think we’re best off keeping the ‘don’t post it’ rule, because although the ‘outing them’ part of it all isn’t relevant anymore, it’s still a very private video and i just cannot stress enough how deeply embarrassing it is. i say that lovingly.

that being said, mostly everyone has seen it anyway. i am so sorry dan and phil. kind of, it’s kinda funny also. but sorry again. for what it’s worth, phil seems to have stopped taking it down, so while i won’t post it i will say that if you want to find it you can

... i am going to share their comments on it though because good lord

[aihoshiino]

Between Akane, Kana, and Ruby, which do you think is the best written, and has more depth outside of their relationship/crush on Aqua? The argument I’ve been seeing most often from diehard fans of any of the three girls is that the other two (or one of the other two) don’t have any depth beyond liking Aqua. Been seeing this especially from people who hate Kana, but also from Akane haters and Ruby haters

Anon I truly believe you sent this with nothing but good faith in your heart but never before have I received an ask that looked more like the internet equivalent of someone handing me a baseball bat and pointing me in the direction of a hornet's nest. AND BROTHER, I'M ABOUT TO START SWINGING!!!!

In order from best to worst I'd say right now, it goes Kana -> Akane -> Ruby. If you'd asked me this question in a pre-123 world I probably would've said it's Ruby -> Kana -> Akane but… well i'll be getting into what existing in a post-123 world has done for ruby's character soon enough anyway lol.

I fully expect to be hit with accusations of bias in this regard both because I just have generally always liked Kana and fandom lately has been so fucking weird about her but the reason I like Kana is because I think she's the most consistent and fleshed out beyond the scope of her relationship with Aqua. Like, to be clear, all the girls definitely revolve around him way more than they should - to a degree, this is just kind of the nature of the beast in a story like OnK where a lot of characters' foothold into the story are their personal relationship with the protag. But so much of their screentime and story relevance is eaten up by the romance subplots that it ends up coming at the expense of giving the viewer a strong sense of who they are outside those relationships.

This is the trap I think Akane falls into, to the detriment of her character writing. On paper, she's a super interesting character with a lot of potential to add to the story's themes and overall commentary but her actual role in the story and the context within which she's allowed relevance is purely just Being Aqua's Love Interest. Hell, her foothold into the cast period is just that she and Aqua are fake dating and Akane is catching both feelings and a sense of indebted gratitude towards him, so she's totally down to match his freak about it. There's a reason I think Tokyo Blade is her best post-LoveNow arc and it's because while the developing relationship between her and Aqua is an important part of the story, it's absolutely not Akane's focus when compared to everything else she's got going on with Kana. After this arc, though, she's given basically zero plotlines or things to do that aren't wholly predicated on Being Aqua's GF and the interesting underlying issues suggested to exist in her character go largely ignored in favor of her serving Aqua's story. She doesn't really have any relationships with the other cast members outside of Kana and even that ends up devolving into love triangle slop. The result is that, based purely on what exists in the text of the story, Akane is isolated from any other character that she could interact with to create a sense that she has a life and interior world unrelated to Aqua.

This is also why I say Ruby is the worst hit by the Love Triangle Brainrot Disease out of the three heroines because she had an interesting, lively character with a full world and social life that had nothing to do with Aqua only for 123 to come along and infect her with terminal love interest brainrot. Honestly, Ruby being Like This with Aqua right now is probably the biggest singular issue with OnK at the moment, because it means one of the series' primary protagonist is stuck in this malformed relationship cul-de-sac where the feelings we've spent the entire series building up and fleshing out have somehow simultaneously taken over her entire character at the expense of all her other ongoing plotlines while also going entirely unaddressed by the narrative. 123 essentially wiped Ruby's slate clean of anything that wasn't the AquRuby stuff and then proceeded to treat it like a massive joke for literally 20 entire chapters - once again, at the expense of what was a genuinely really necessary arc for her. Ruby's so-called 'revenge' peters out with a wet fart because all the moments leading up to it that should have given any of it weight are offscreened in favour of yet another panel of Ruby splooging over her brother. But despite this being like the one singular thing her character has going on right now, Akasaka is simply refusing to address the massive incest elephant in the room, which means that both Ruby as a character and the story as a whole are robbed of opportunities to develop and be developed by an exploration of how that massive taboo intersects with and affects… literally anything! Since 123, we've gotten exactly one chapter that bothered to even pretend it was taking Ruby's feelings seriously but despite it ending on perhaps one of The Biggest Status Quo Shifts in the whole series… it too has gone entirely unaddressed!!!

Both Akane and Ruby are trapped in this bog of having their entire characters reduced to revolving round Aqua while being disallowed from meaningful development that would probably advance or give closure to that relationship. Akane… sort of gets this with her whole "i'm his mom now btw kana you should suck him silly" thing and her big dramatic haircut but even then, she's still orbiting Aqua and his revenge quest because apparently she has nothing better to do. Ruby, meanwhile, is in this baffling place where the story is having to twist itself into so many pretzels to avoid addressing whatever the hell is going on with her and Aqua before the Akasaka ordained Most Dramatic Moment that she is not getting any moment-to-moment development that might even risk letting her address or untangle any of this stuff. She and Aqua are not allowed to have any direct on-screen interactions and even when they did in 157, it just felt plastic and artificial and honestly kind of forced because of that failure to so much as acknowledge UH, HEY, REMEMBER WHEN RUBY STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN AQUA'S THROAT?

anyway. ALL THAT UP ^ THERE ^ is the reason I think Kana is the character who feels the most fleshed out beyond the bounds of her relationship with Aqua, ironically because of having comparatively less romantic focus and explicitly romantic interactions with him. Because less of her screentime is taken up by romance drama, it allows her to just breathe and exist as a person without her entire role in the story being Aqua's Love Interest. Her major moments of development are all built on Kana's own backstory and baggage which has basically nothing to do with Aqua and everything to do with her own insecurities, her history of abuse and abandonment, her obsession with acting and her fervent desperation to cling to the entertainment industry even when it has made clear that it doesn't want to make a place for her anymore, because so much of her personhood is warped by and tangled up in her childhood growing up in the public eye. That's not to say Aqua isn't involved in Kana's arc and he has an undeniably huge impact on her, but when you look at the ways his interactions with her push her story along it very much feels like Kana is just having her own arc that Aqua is serving and sometimes intersecting with rather than the other way around (as it feels for Akane and Ruby).

WITH ALL THAT SAID… it is just blatantly a bad faith reading of the series to the point of flat out lying about the contents of the story to say any of the three heroines have nothing going on outside their relationships with Aqua, even if we don't get as much focus on that stuff as I'd like. Ruby has her whole history as Sarina and the experiences of abuse, disempowerment and abandonment that have created the bullheaded high-energy Ruby of the present day. Akane struggles with low self-worth and tendencies towards creating narratives for herself and other people in her head that don't always survive impact with reality. Kana has… well, I rambled about all that up there lol. In fact, all three of the heroines are interested in Aqua for imo, at least hypothetically well developed reasons that have observable and tangible roots in their own histories and personal baggage and how Aqua, as a person, has impacted them.

The issue is not with the girls themselves or their feelings for Aqua. The issue is that Akasaka is a romcom guy flying by the seat of his pants trying to write a murder mystery character drama and it's just not what he's cut out for. So he falls back on what he knows - the romance stuff - regardless of how it does or does not cohere with the arcs of the characters involved or the wider story at large. He simply doesn't have the chops to balance both halves of the story at once and his clear interest in playing shipping drama for all its worth has ultimately compromised the integrity of the surrounding story, to the detriment of the characters involved.

[timeslipcamp]

so the traitor thing

everyone has a theory and i feel like i've seen everyone's name thrown out at some point but i'm just throwing my two cents in the ring so that way someone can yell I TOLD YOU SO when we finally find out (hopefully me)

spoilers through ep 15

so the traitor thing was something touched early on and then not often since, getting sprinkled throughout just enough to remind us that while we need to get close to the ghouls, we still need to be suspicious

i wanna say eye roll but im so fucking locked in to trying to figure this out

anyways, despite the super sus vibes from the beginning, the first we really hear about the traitor is actually when taiga brings it up in episode 4

taiga's implying he knows who it is. he also knows a lot more than he's letting on, which i'll get into some other time, but this moment is also bookended by a couple moments of the most lucid taiga we've seen yet. in both episodes where taiga is featured, he's shown figuring out the anomalies before anyone else, and it wouldn't surprise me if he's known all along

another time we see the traitor mentioned is ed. he's such a weirdo i love him

what a freak <3

anyways he doesn't really give us any more info, just tells us that he knows. which also doesn't surprise me because apparently he can read the text boxes like he's deadpool or something.

but it continues to be sprinkled throughout the story, and we even get little hints that someone betrayed jin last year. so: who is it? 1. someone heavily involved with the ghouls and knows enough personal info that it's fucked them over (and potentially caused the clash, but that's a theory i'm still mulling over) 2. someone smooth talking and sly enough that they can get away with it

there's some obvious choices and some off the wall choices, but my basis is coming from a writing standpoint and is based mainly on themes....which is SO unfortunate, because he's one of my favs and if he's the traitor i'll cry

but i think it's haku

cue crying here

the instant a traitor was mentioned, my immediate gut instinct was haku--which in all honesty, that could be on purpose! they could have made him really obvious so we're looking away from who it actually is. but either way, my gut was screaming haku purely from the way he was introduced to us

a white knight swooping in to save us? promises our safety right away? tells us his main job is to clean up after the other ghouls because the teachers send him in?

i think it speaks for itself right there

not to mention if you pick him as the one you save right at the beginning, this is his intro:

suuuuussspiiiiiiiciiiiiooooouuuuuussssss

he's one of the ones that i believe has a plot relevant intro, and it's also because of this and his line in episode 15 that makes me think if he IS the traitor, then he doesn't really want to be. he's super flirty with mc as well, and while i think a lot of that is an act to get him to trust us, i think at least a little of it is genuine. this could just be because i'm a sucker for the classic trope of "i was supposed to hurt you but then i fell in love with you," but it is SO easy to see that with someone like haku.

unless he really is just duping us and i fell for it. but it's moments like this that make me think mc is slowly turning him back to the ghouls side

anyways, so we get into episode 15 where he talks a little more about his past. starting off in clementia makes sense i think. my guess is that it was a healing/holy house centered around sending spirits on and quieting the undead (more on defunct houses in a different post) so with his shrine fam, that fits. then he transferred to frostheim (well known family. again, makes sense.) and then ended up in hotarubi, another one that fits. the only suspicious part is him leaving frostheim last year and the timing of it. him and yuri would have left at the same time tohma was transferring in, presumably at the same time the clash was happening. he's got inside deets on three houses (one now gone) so that just adds to the ways he'd be able to wiggle in anywhere

not to mention in episode 15 he drops the line "make a deal with darkwick" several times. it almost feels like a callback to the classic haku traitor line

taiga voice "slimy motherfucker." anyways he says two or three times in episode 15 that he made a deal with darkwick. how often is he dealing with darkwick?

also, there was the break in at jabberwock. ren didn't say anything was taken, so i'm hesitant to say the traitor did this. this could have been any number of people just trying to get info on ren and what his stigma can do. ritsu said that he thought it was a professional, which makes me think it was a ghoul since they'd be able to make a quick getaway.

i've seen haku be associated with tanuki several times. tanuki are japanese "raccoon dogs" that are often depicted as tricksters in folklore, much the same way foxes are in western europe and coyotes are here in the states. while they're tricksters, they're not necessarily malevolent, and i feel like that fits with haku as well.

like i said earlier, i don't think haku necessarily wants to be the traitor. this whole story just feels...tense? i don't know if that's the right word, but it always feels like haku is waiting on something. the few conversations where the other ghouls seem a little suspicious (namely rui) and when he's talking to the teachers, it's always felt strained. so my two main guesses with haku are

1. he's being blackmailed into this. maybe he fucked something up and darkwick is covering it up for him as long as he feeds them info (was he at fault for yuri's medical mistake? is that why zenji died? does he feel guilty and that's why he's doing so much for a ghost now?)

2. he's the traitor willingly because something happened that made him distrust the other ghouls and side with the teachers, but mc is slowly making him realize the ghouls aren't all bad and deserve to be treated with respect. also, episode 15 has him admit he always takes the easy way out. saving his own hide would certaily be easiest.

i just realized i keep referencing the teachers all the way through this. i think the faculty are the antagonists of the story. they've felt slimy from the beginning and the more we talk the less i trust them. fight the power

i'm still not completely sold on haku, though. it can't be any of the first years because they weren't here for the betrayal last year. i don't think it's jin, tohma, or alan because they're all actively trying to solve it i think. zenji's dead, yuri seems like he was trying to run away from it and also actively avoids the other ghouls. i also don't think it's romeo because i think taiga would have done something crazy if it was. other traitors on my shortlist are: rui (can move in shadows, faculty could be holding a cure for his curse over his head), subaru (i think he could be guilted into it), and taiga himself (but he's not aware, only suspecting. memory suppression, constantly guessing who people are...it could be!!)

so that's my traitor theory! i'm sure i'll come up with more theories (hopefully in a more coherent manner) as more episodes come out.

send me who you think it is! ask and dms are always open

[kino-der-joon]

💫 Analysing Richtofen - Blood of the Dead ✨

✨ This instalment of 'Analysing Richtofen is part of an ask I got about the map 'Blood of the Dead'! Therefore, we will not be spinning a wheel this time, but we'll have fun anyway! ✨

✨ The last time we met, we were in the frosty air of Der Riese. I suppose it's only fitting to go from one extreme to the other. We will shortly find ourselves at the unfortunate end, but fear not! We still have many a map to cover after this!✨

NOTE: I do not always have the context of which these lines are said. The context and lore, while sometimes relevant, are not completely the point. This is looking more into Richtofen's mental state, current situation and any other tidbits he might drop!

💫 Now, let's get right into it! 💫

MAP: Blood of the Dead!

(TW: Character death. )

Here are all the videos I have referenced! For your convenience, I have listed them here and I urge you to show support to the original creators of said videos!

ONE - Youtube short of Richtofen's first quote on BotD, and also a few extra lines said around his lab and in certain areas of the map.

TWO - Youtube short of Richtofen's second quote on BotD, as well as some extra lines.

THREE - A video of all the conversations between Richtofen and the rest of the crew on BotD. Skip to 1:31 to avoid all the yap at the start!

FOUR - A video of all of Richtofen's quotes on BotD

💫 We find ourselves now in the freezing cold climate of Dr. Richtofen's lab. To your right, you'll see four cryo-chambers. For your safety, I urge you not to touch them, and not to ask questions about the human popsicles inside. They are fine, they like it in there. To your left, a bit further inside, you'll see a very useful map of Alcatraz! Right now, we are just underneath the ground, and the main building is up the stairs, out of the first door and up past the catwalk. And there, punctual as always, is Richtofen! ✨

"MAXIS! Stop it, Edward, this may be just a delusion- It must be! Surely I would never lead myself into such a...Such a... [Gasp!] Mein Gott, everything could change!" (ONE)

✨ Ah...I promise all 'Analysing Richtofen' instalments won't start like this, but he is unfortunately right. Just as before, we can tell that he is under immense stress, his first instinct once more is to call out to his father figure. This line is also shouted when he starts his journey alone. Richtofen is a man who isn't great at being vulnerable with others unless he's being self deprecating, so no matter what he might say later on, we know that he is in sheer panic. Who wouldn't be when they are stuck in a demented pocket dimension that demands for their death?

"Damn it, Edward, think! Yes, this looks bad, but something can be done! Any book that rewrites itself can be rewritten! First rule of interdimensional time travel! (nervous laughter that quickly diminishes into a concerned and conflicted sigh.) I'm so confused..." (TWO)

It's heart-breaking, hearing him do his damndest to cheer himself up and keep himself optimistic. In such a dire situation, is it really any wonder that his attempt fizzled out so quickly? He has used the kronorium to get himself this far, so having it suddenly re-write itself is like having the rug yanked out from under his feet. For perhaps the first time in this story line, we see him actively losing control over the situation, his leadership crumbling. ✨

✨ While we're in his lab, there are two things I wish to call attention to. The first, are those cryo-chambers! Again, don't touch them. When looking around his lab, Richtofen has this to say about them.

"Ahh, you have all remained safe for so long, mein little popsicles. Perhaps you could be of use? Hmph...Nein, I much prefer you all this way." (ONE)

✨ Here, this is confirmation that the Primis Richtofen we are playing as is the same Primis Richtofen we saw in the Victis crew comic run! Which is interesting, no? But the more important thing here is that he hasn't given up hope, not yet. The doctor is thinking on his feet, already starting to improvise and adapt. Despite seeing his death in the kronorium, Richtofen is still determined to evade it once more.

"(Chuckles,) bless you, little walnut. You always help me to calm mein nerves und think." (ONE)

✨ Not only is this a nod to the original lore in which Ultimis Richtofen first sees success in his teleporter work by teleporting a tiny walnut, but it also tells us that Richtofen has actually spent a lot of time in this lab. Presumably, he teleports the walnut from place to place while thinking, pacing back and forth while using the walnut to ground him. A lot is on his shoulders, now more than ever, and he has a little stress reliver to aid him. This also would imply that he got further than his Ultimis counterpart did with teleportation, being able to actually control where the walnut goes! But anyway -

✨ Rather than delving into Richtofen's voice lines only, there's actually some information we ca gather from their conversations as group and amongst themselves, Dempsey, Nikolai, Takeo and Richtofen! ✨

(This is the first exchange in THREE.)

"Okay, change of plan! We should be looking for the other Nikolai, but apparently, I have messed it up. When I say 'I,' I mean him...Me"

"What now, German? Surely you do not seek to torture me further. I know all too well what lies ahead."

"Enough riddles, Richtofen! Have I not already given you enough: My blade, my honour, my soul?!"

"Everybody just pull your shit together, or I'm gonna start freakin' out too!"

✨ In this exchange, we can see that rather than doing what he wants to do, cry out for Maxis, Richtofen instead puts the mission above himself once again and assumes the leader role of the group. Instead of following him with minimal complaint like usual, everyone understandably begins to unravel. Namely, Takeo and Dempsey seem the most impacted, while Nikolai's anger has yet to rise to a boiling point. In the next part of their discussion, Richtofen is unusually quiet until Takeo calls his behaviour into question. ✨

(This is the second exchange in THREE)

"So, let me see if I understand. Richtofen copied entire plan from special book, special book change its mind, and now it wants, what, our blood?"

"Of course, we all heard the Doctor: fate now demands our blood as well. I have never seen Richtofen this way...The threat is real."

(Dempsey's line isn't really super important here. Sorry Dempsey.)

"[AHEM!] Gentlemen, please, calm yourselves! You must forgive me, I...I forget how frustrating I can be sometimes. (nervous chuckle.) Nevermind the kronorium or this silly blood business. I have something entirely new in mind."

💫 Interestingly, Richtofen has just lied to his team as we will see later, but one of the more important things here is that loud clearing of his throat. Being read so easily by Takeo has him feeling uncomfortable, and his immediate response is to turn on the self deprecation and assure the team he has a plan. Again, we will see this later, but he has just lied to his team, this alone tells us that he cares about them. If not, why would he attempt to assure them with a lie while he himself is spiralling on the inside? Why would he demean the severity of the situation in the process? This is something he does more than once. When he watched each of them kill their ultimis counterparts in cycles before, it was those moments that made him realise that he did actually care about them, he admits this to us himself. This is no different. Suddenly the stakes of his situation are raised too, adding more weight on his shoulders. This is one thing that I don't see enough people talking about when it comes to his character- Is he selfish? yes, he can be. But, he does care, and he does actually show it in his own ways. He isn't someone who enjoys being vulnerable, so you do need to squint to see it, but there is more to Richtofen than just avoiding death and helping Maxis. He really is trying hard to do the right thing.

For another example of him minimizing just how much trouble they're in for the other's comfort, we need to look no further than the next conversation the team have about The Warden. ✨

(This is the third exchange in THREE)

"Richtofen knew exactly who that monster in cell block was, I could see it in his stupid, wide open face!"

"Yeah, that big guy with the club? Was he a prison guard or something?"

"That thing was no ordinary guard, I believe he was an agent of a much darker force."

"The Warden. I have known him to take many forms, each one used to torture the souls of both the damned, and the doomed. He's...Not very nice."

✨ This time it's Nikolai who calls him out very aggressively. Rather than talking to the whole group, it seems Nikolai was talking to Dempsey first, then Takeo jumped in, and then Richtofen overheard and jumped in to set the story straight. Notice how he isn't angry, despite Nikolai's insult. He might be used to the russian's anger, but this is different, I feel. I believe Richtofen understands the anger, and so can't really argue with it. Even still, he simply states The Warden is 'Not very nice,' rather than admitting that actually, The Warden is an immense threat. Once again, he is choosing almost childish words to describe what's happening, diminishing the danger to calm the others- We know it isn't for himself because we have seen how he is when he's on his own in his lab. If he truly didn't care for his team, this would be unexplainable. As would his words to Dempsey, where he yet again uses childish words in an attempt at comfort.

(THREE - 3:43)

"So, this 'Warden' guy, any idea why he'd wanna trap us here?"

"What do mad men ever want? ...That was rhetorical- But, just for the record: We are not 'trapped,' Dempsey, simply confined to one place, against our will! But it's not permanent. Pinky promise!"

For as hard as he tries, anyone will crack when they're pushed too hard. The more Dempsey keeps digging, the weaker Richtofen's resolve gets, until he can't sugar coat things anymore. ✨

(THREE - 4:19)

"Richtofen, I know your plan's probably way over my head, and I know I'll forget half of it later, but you gotta gimmie somethin'"

"There is no plan, Dempsey. Is that what you wish to hear? We were supposed to pop in, get the blood, und leave. But, things have changed. Now we must improvise und adapt! You are a marine, surely you can manage that."

✨ And here we are, the lie is revealed. But I find his next words much more interesting: 'Is that what you wish to hear?' When his first approach hasn't worked, Richtofen gets irritated, unable to curve his words, but his irritation isn't at his situation, it's at Dempsey...In a way. Dempsey wasn't soothed by his childish words and sugar coated lies, so now what? He was unable to lull his unlikely friend into a false sense of security, and I believe his irritation is a sign that he sees it as his own failure. So, he improvises and tries something else. Richtofen calls on Dempsey's military position, trying to use that to inspire him. The thing I want to call attention to now though, is what he isn't saying. Do you hear it? Listen to his line again, and focus on his breathing. He loses his breath after 'changed,' panting under his breath. At just the smallest admission that things are out of his control, he can't hide his panic anymore. With this tiny detail, we can begin to imagine just how heavy the weight on his own soul is.

The next interactions I want to call attention to are between Richtofen and Nikolai. Nikolai has never trusted Richtofen from the start. He has always questioned the steps the crew have taken, he has always stood against Richtofen's authority, and now, in this eternal hell, we get to see how Nikolai really feels. We also get to see that these two are actually divas in disguise, but that is less important and more just...Well, them.✨

(THREE - 4:46 )

"I see your accusing glances, Nikolai. Is there something you wish to say to me?"

"Why bother? That is what you always say, ehh? All will be forgotten anyway."

The gloves are coming off- And I don't just mean that they're being catty with each other. Nikolai has been glancing to Richtofen, likely glaring daggers into the man's back, and he finally can't keep his rage to himself anymore. This also gives us some insight into what Richtofen has been doing when he wants to avoid a conversation: Diminish the importance of the conversation and insist that it will all be forgotten anyway, what, with the constant element 115 exposure.

(THREE - 5:14 )

"So, this Warden, he needs your special blood, dah? Maybe three of us make side deal and just, hmph, give it to him."

"The moment you travelled through space und time, your blood became special as well. No, my dear Nikolai. Any attempt to bargain with The Warden would not go well for you."

The girls are really fighting now! Nikolai's core values are based on what he views as fair and right, he also has no issue working with the others, even when they bicker! (For example, him and Dempsey's 'Draw me map of fucking Chicago!' exchange.) So, for Nikolai of all people to be so open about throwing Richtofen out to the proverbial wolves, it would make sense that it would rattle the scientist. Instead, though, Richtofen indirectly threatens to drag Nikolai down with him should that ever be attempted, and it evidently works. Though, I don't believe this was just a threat. When talking about watching the crew kill their counterparts, he doesn't go out of his way to exclude Nikolai, and I think there's truth in what he says here. It's a threat, but also a well intentioned warning. Despite their animosity, I don't truly believe that Richtofen wants any genuine harm to come to Nikolai. ✨

✨ In this next exchange, they stop being catty with each other and get to the heart of the matter:

(THREE - 5:36 )

"Richtofen, I cannot stay silent- YOU DO NOT HAVE PLAN! For once in your life, admit it, and tell us what we are facing!"

"ANNIHILATION, AS ALWAYS! If I believed for an instant, that you could comprehend so much as a PHRASE in the Kronorium, I would hand it over! But, no. That is MEIN burden to bare! My way, Nikolai, is the only way."

✨ Do you hear the tiredness in his voice? When soothing doesn't work, Richtofen rips the band aid off with Nikolai and gives him the unfiltered truth. I don't believe that he is trying to keep a hold of his control here, I don't think he's worried about Nikolai taking control of the crew. I think this is an honest admission that in keeping the Kronorium close to his chest, he believes that he is protecting the group. Nikolai's words later on in Alpha Omega only reinforce this, he finally concedes to Richtofen for once, finally seeing eye to eye with him once he reads the Kronorium himself. He even choses to make the same choice as Richtofen, keeping it close to his chest and not letting anyone else read it. How funny it is, then, that no one seems to mention that when comparing the two to call one of them selfish... ✨

✨ Finally, the last thing we see from Richtofen here is in his conversations with Takeo. Specifically, I want to focus on this one. Takeo is the only one who uses logic to call Richtofen out. He doesn't push, he isn't insulting, and Richtofen has been pushed and shoved so much by this point that he actually snaps at Takeo, the one in the group that he seems to like the most.

( THREE - 6:26 )

"The spirits of this island awaken in your presence, Richtofen. It seems as though they desire something from you."

"Doesn't everyone? The voices of the damned and the doomed can get in line, behind you three, The Warden, The Keepers, und the numerous other Richtofen's now placing demands on. My. Time!"

✨ Through his irritation and anger, we are finally seeing Richtofen be vulnerable with the others, but it isn't by his choice and it certainly isn't comfortable for him. I find the rest of his conversations with Takeo interesting too, but for the sake of time, I won't focus on those. But I do urge you to if you're at all interested!!

We have seen Richtofen lie, put on a brave face, be begrudgingly honest, and now as he stands in a prison cell, we see him finally crack. Unable to take any more, Richtofen allows himself to show how hopeless he is. ✨

"(Defeated laughter.) Mein 'grand scheme?' Und what if I told you we were doomed from the start? That every word in that infernal book has come to pass, und we have been helpless to alter it? What would you have done, Marine? Tell me, please, what was the right thing to do?!" (FOUR - 2:18)

✨ Really, that's what it's always been about, hasn't it? Doing the 'right thing.' Here, he, albeit a touch sarcastically, begs Dempsey to try and see things from his point of view, asking him for his perspective. Richtofen is at the end of his rope and the weakness in his voice here shows it. This is the most vulnerable we've ever seen him.

There are plenty of lines showing us just how scared he is- Even The Warden calls him out on it. He states he can hear (the blood) in his veins, pumping faster and faster. But now, I think I'd like to point to some more light hearted fun little facts that Richtofen drops while fighting for his life, to cap off this entry! ✨

"Chemistry was always mein first love, haah, but then physics came and shwept me off mein feet." (FOUR - 3:47)

(At FOUR - 4:00, Richtofen shows off his hidden talent of being able to recognize acids just by their scent alone!)

"This glass here, it's a window into the astral plane! I have always wondered how the other side spends it's time!" (FOUR - 5:11) To me, this is actually quite a sad line despite his enthused tone. Richtofen has been thinking about the other side because deep down, he knows he can't keep running forever.

"Should your eyes be that colour? I can never keep track..." (FOUR - 5:50) A reference to how the zombie's eyes keep changing colour depending on who's controlling them.

(Richtofen calls the wolves on the map 'Wolfie," which is actually quite cute!)

"I can build a particle accelerator from spare parts, but I can't nail- ONE BOARD STRAIGHT!" (FOUR - 6:23)

(At 7:25, the implication here is that Richtofen can in fact speak French too?)

"Go on box, leave me. Wherever you go, I will hunt you down, pry open your lid, UND RIP MEIN PRECIOUS WUNDERWAFFE FROM YOUR INSIDES!" (FOUR - 8:06) I was always wondering what Primis Richtofen's connection with the Wunderwaffe was, and now we know!

"Why should anything go well, Ja?! Let the whole cosmos collapse- The Doktor, is DONE!" (FOUR - 8:17) A very valid crash out.

"There now, just a short stroll to the main cell block. Up, up, up!" (FOUR - 11:51) Another example of him using childish language and phrasing to minimize the scope of the danger that they're all in.

"(Laughter) Just like rubbing mein socks on the carpet to give a shock! Only about a trillion volts more fun!" (FOUR - 15:39) I am assuming that Richtofen did this as a child, which is actually kind of sweet!!

"Nikolai, did you make this? Because it tastes like you made this." (FOUR - 17: 15) This implies that the crew have made drinks for each other before! It's a nice thought until you remember how limited their resources must have been.

"Has anyone heard the one about the quantum physicist who lost his cat? ...I'm honestly asking. Exposure to element 115 seems to have erased it from mein memory." (FOUR - 21:42) This is a reference to Shrodinger's cat!! So yes, Richtofen, we have heard that one!!

"I promised mein Mutter I'd never play with fire again. Sorry, Mutter." (FOUR - 22:10) . . . So, this one...There's a story there, that's all I'll say.

"I felt the shock in mein wisdom teeth- UND I PULLED THEM OUT WHEN I WAS TWELVE!" (FOUR - 24:42) ...Jesus Christ-

💫 ...What? You're still scrolling like you're expecting something! We went over him being vulnerable, his relationship with the other's on the map, was there anything else you were expecting? I don't believe we missed anything! ✨

...

...Alright, fine, we'll move on to his death...If we must...

After trying his best to avoid it for so long, Richtofen finally embraces his fate and steps into 'The Dark Mechanism.' Even in certain death, he takes a grand stand: "YOU WANT MEIN BLOOD? TAKE MEIN BLOOD!" We know how scared he has been, and that makes the needles that stab into him hurt even more. The spirits might be free, but the cost is so much more than we could have expected. As Nikolai is handed the Kronorium from the new version of Richtofen, the one we have been following all this time is watching with us as a new leader of Primis is chosen. The power shifts.

Rapidly approaching death, Primis Richtofen struggles against the machine, calling out in the weakest voice we have ever heard him use. He doesn't even have the strength to speak above more than a whisper as he mutters for the last time: "Mein Gott...What have I done?"

And now, in a somewhat poetic fashion, the new version of him that we have just met comes face to face with him, and Primis Richtofen begins to beg. He has come way too far, done way too much, it can't all end here. He betrayed himself first by shooting his counterpart in the head. He was then betrayed by another version of himself at the start of this map. And now, he is about to be betrayed by yet another version of himself. The Primis Richtofen that we know is about to find out what exactly his place is in the cycle, and we are about to see that he is the personification of 'Ouroboros,' the snake that eats itself. Each time a variant of him dies, each time he is destroyed, it gives way to birth something new. Truly, this is always what it's been about. It wasn't the choices he made, it wasn't the company he kept, nor his dedication to doing 'the right thing.' Every choice he made led him here, finding his end in the seemingly endless cycle of Richtofen's while trying to keep the overall cycle of the universe going. Death is rebirth, death is change, but death is also cold.

I don't think his last words need any explaining. There is nothing more I could possibly add to give his last speech any new meaning. All through this entry, I've been speaking for him, so for once, I'm going to simply let him speak for himself.

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[emmacantread]

Books to read if you like Yellowjackets

Sooo I’m a big fan of this show, and with the third season coming out right now I thought I’d share some recs for you to read once the final episode airs and we’re left waiting for two more years for season four. Enjoy!!

1. Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth

I read this years ago and loved it and I feel like it’s very similar to the show in a lot of ways.

The story is about this boarding school for girls that was open during the early 1900s and was shut down due to a series of deaths that happened there and that remain a mistery to this day. In present day, a book has been written about the tragedy, and a film adaptation is on the works. On one side, we follow the women involved in the making of the film as weird, unsettling things start happening during shooting (which is happening in the abandoned boarding school), and on the other, we follow the story of the women who died and slowly start figuring out what actually happened.

Obviously, we’ve got the giant yellowjacket on the cover. They make appearances throughout the story and are very relevant to the plot.

Aside from that, there’s a lot of sapphic characters in both timelines who all have very complicated relationships with each other.

Finally, we also have a theme of not really knowing if the strange things happening around them is actually supernatural or not.

It’s been a while since I first read it, but some scenes have really stuck with me! It has this Yellowjackets-ism of mixing the experiences of girls and women with supernatural(ish?) horror.

2. Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield

This is one of my favorite books of all time. It’s not as similar to Yellowjackets as the others in this list, but I think it might appeal to fans anyway, so I decided to include it.

The story follows the married couple Miri and Leah. Leah is a marine biologist, and she sets out on a deep sea expedition that’s only supposed to last for a couple weeks, but she ends up disappearing for six months. When she miraculously comes back. Miri notices that there’s something deeply wrong with her, and whatever Leah found in the ocean, she brought some of it back with her.

Through Miri’s poin of view in the story, we see their relationship as it was before the expedition and after Leah came back, along with how Miri handled Leah’s absence. Through Leah’s point of view we see what actually happened during those six months in the submarine.

This book is written beautifully, it’s very immersive and shows grief and loss in a very real way.

I would classify this as literary horror, so it has a very slow plot and a lot of inner reflection from the characters, but in a way that is interesting to read. I think the aspects of complicated relationships between women and also of suddenly being in a hostile natural environment where an entity might be lurking will be appealing to Yellowjackets fans!

3: House of Hollow by Krystal Sutherland

This book is YA, but I think it could be enjoyed by an older audience too.

It follows three sisters, Grey, Vivi and Iris, who all suddenly went missing when they were kids only to miraculously reappear a month later with no memory of what had happened.

Years later, the eldest sister, Grey, goes missing again, and Vivi and Iris resolve to find her, discovering the secrets of their old disappearance in the process.

The atmosphere of this book is incredible, it feels beautiful and creepy at the same time, and the relationship with the sisters is very intereseting too. It has sapphic characters but not sapphic romance.

I think you should read this especially if you like Lottie and her more culty, mystic side. Grey reminds me a bit of her.

Wilder Girls by Rory Power

Wilder Girls is also YA, and it might read young but I think it’s worth it anyway.

It’s about this girls’ boarding school (another one lmao) on an island where some kind of weird virus broke, and they’ve all been quarantined for a couple of years. This virus, however, makes the girls and the nature around them change in strange, dangerous ways. When Hetty’s best friend Byatt goes suddenly missing, she starts looking for her and discovering secrets about the virus, the quarantine and what is actually happening.

This book I feel gets the closest to the dynamic that the yellowjackets have in the show, and also has this whole The Woods Are Weird thing going on. It has a little bit of sapphic romance too, and one of the characters reminds me of Nat.

That’s pretty much it, I hope you like them if you read them!!

Emma 🎃

[bowsersex]

Rating different variations of Peach's Throne Room

Not rating all of them, just rating the ones I have pictures of. Originally I was gonna do a tier list ranking of them, but I think it'd be easier just to rate them.

Superstar Saga

The rug here is objectively gaudy. I kind of want to like how gaudy the rug is, I enjoy that it has this unintentional transsexual color scheme if you exclude the yellow, but it's a little too gaudy even for my taste. The pixel art for the curtains could be better. The mushroom shaped windows are a nice touch. What I appreciate most is the originality in the throne design, which is nice because original throne design is lacking in some other variations you'll see below. 7/10

Superstar Saga Remake

My friend's reaction to the rug change ↑. I wasn't a fan of the rug personally, and I'm fine with them getting rid of the fucked up long mushrooms, since they probably got rid of them in the Japanese version of the game, but surely they could've kept the the transsexual color scheme? They probably chose an overall red color scheme to make sure the characters didn't blend into the background, which is something you have to worry about if your characters don't have outlines. I do agree with this opinion though:

Okay sure, Peach wears pink with red already, but this throne is just such a nasty hot pink, it's kind of revolting. The throne design is very unoriginal compared to the throne from before, like I feel like I could get this throne in some basic toy doll set. I also hate the use of the golden spirals on the back of the throne. Gives a very basic Disney Princess vibe, I'm not into it. The curtains look better and I think bigger windows was a good choice, but those are some of the only compliments I could give it. 5/10

Bowser's Inside Story

This one's my favorite. I love how the colors come together, a very fun choice of pinks, yellows, oranges, and reds. I find it interesting how in both Superstar Saga and this one, there's a reoccurring symbol of three mushrooms, the center one larger, above the other two, and wearing a crown. And in both games, the symbol has two arrows pointing up in it? Interesting.

Anyways I like the banners, the pillars, the hanging lights, and I think the curtains are better here than they were in OG Superstar Saga. The throne design also feels original, which I appreciate, and it's a throne design that's pleasing to the eye as well.

My only complaints is that it feels slightly less, ceremonial? My friend also said this, and I agree, I think it's nice for her throne to be higher up off the ground, but the platform in which the throne sits has this more like, modern tech kind of feel to it? And that's relevant to later in the game, which I won't spoil, but the flooring in the hallways also have this cold modern feeling to it that doesn't really fit the brick walls of the doorways that lead to those halls. Other than that though, this is a great throne room design. 9/10

Paper Jam

Feels like they got lazy here compared to previous examples. I understand having a more simple flooring and a more simple rug so as not to distract from the characters. Not into the checkered flooring, maybe they should've just done a basic marble flooring instead. I HATE the golden spirals. I don't know why, they just feel so cheap to me. Again it reminds me of Disney Princess toy products or something? They look like they're made out of plastic. The throne design is also very plain and unoriginal, and the cushions looks kind of off to me? They look flat and uncomfortable to sit against. Kind of sucks but whatever. 3/10

Illumination Mario Movie

Okay so it's clear to me they based this throne room design off of the one of from Super Mario Odyssey, which is like, fine I guess. The mosaic is nice, that's the best compliment I can give it.

I really do not like the throne design and the ornamental lights in this one though. Last year I was doing an art project where I had to draw and paint Santa Claus. When it came time to draw the background and the chair he was sitting on in the piece, I went to Pinterest and kept looking up "Santa's Throne" "Christmas Interior Design" "Fancy Furniture Design" "Red Fancy Chair" to find references for furniture and lighting and all that. And by then Pinterest had already become a waste land of AI slop. If you try to look up anything on pinterest for art reference, or any reference at all, you just get AI generated garbage now. And this applies even more so furniture design. I don't know who's pumping out all this AI interior design slop, but it's everywhere on Pinterest, and a lot of it looks very similar. At least it does if you look up key terms "elegant" and "fancy." I'm sure there's multiple interior design theories on what looks fancy and elegant, but the AI interior design slop machine seems to think there's only one option. And the lighting fixtures and throne design in this image reminds me of that. Of AI generated interior design slop. The same golden light fixtures with gems dangling off them, the same cushioned seating with curved golden trims, everything curving and melting into one another.

I'm not saying the background designers of the Mario Movie were inspired by AI generated images, more so they were probably inspired by the same stock images the AI was. And for that I suppose my view of this type of interior design has sadly been poisoned. Wish I had never worked on stupid Santa Clause piece. Maybe then I would've liked this version of Peach's Throne Room a little more. 3/10

[suzukiblu]

For your ask game, what’s your favorite thing you’ve ever written?

. . . god I don't even know, man, that's a LOT of things, hahaha. And like, that answer definitely changes depending on the day/year/phase of the moon. So you're getting a couple answers here! Also I'm gonna keep this mostly to DC and only include finished fics, because me picking between WIPs would take a thousand years and also probably kill us all, lol (ignore the fact that a couple of these fics have sequels in-progress right now, STILL COUNTS OKAY??).

everything happens for a reason. sometimes that reason is that you are stupid and make bad decisions. is one of the funniest fucking things I've ever written, full stop. Lex is SO fun to write, seriously, I could write him all fucking DAY.

I'm really proud of blondes really do have more fun, both because of how much it seems to have affected/touched people who read it and because I think it was my first experience with writing gender euphoria as a major thing and writing, like, an actual explicit trans narrative? Like, I definitely wrote genderfuckery and implications and metaphors before that and probably even some trans characters, arguably, but that's the first story I really remember deliberately just making about being TRANS. And also holy shit, man, did I ever love writing gender euphoria for the first time, especially because I'd mostly only seen gender DYSphoria as a focal point in other stories and it just didn't/doesn't resonate with me the same way. I'm not trans because everything else makes me miserable, I'm trans because that's what makes me HAPPY. I don't remember if I was intentionally thinking that at the time, but that's the story I wanted to write for that one.

one day this will all be yours and you found me when no one else was looking are both concepts I love and found really cathartic to write and was very pleased to finish. I love that they're sort of "families of choice" fics about, like, actual BIOLOGICAL families (like, in the context of the fics, anyway), which probably sounds weird but is a concept I'm sort of painfully fascinated by--like, about the fact that you CAN choose your family, obviously, but sometimes you're lucky enough to find out that you had someone worth choosing already and just didn't necessarily know it, or to both grow into people who CAN choose each other even if you had problems or lashed out due to outside traumas or didn't always understand each other. That's, like, very personally relevant and meaningful to me, the idea that maybe the thing that got all fucked-up and the choices you made when you didn't fully understand the consequences of them can still be worked through and repaired and made into something new and better.

Also, special mention because this one is back a few fandoms but zero humble on it: best friends means you get what you deserve is just really, really good, and I did GOOD on it, hah. I took a three-word prompt/concept and turned it into 17k of "hey, doesn't this make more sense for why this character is the way he is, and isn't this what the main character actually wanted??" in genre-savvy explanation of why the sidekick character might stick around for the antisocial asshole hero and seem perfectly happy to base their life largely around them no matter how said hero treats them, and then I made the Consequences(tm) happen to Jaskier and Geralt, both bad AND good. I am just SO dang proud of that one, UGH I love it. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ FRIENDSHIP, AND THE CONSEQUENCES THEREOF.

[carionto]

I heard in the canteen that the humans once used a few antique combustion engines to start one of their portable stars. Any truth to the rumor?

Ah jeez, that was one hell of a day for that guy.

Yes and no. Where do I even being...

Okay. So this place up in Greenland called, uh... I'm gonna butcher this so bad, Hjeilhornhentrotnenheim, has an engineering museum, right? Right, and the guy in charge, his name is, ah fuck this is gonna be bad too ..., Hansinguaq Bjerresvontsgaardsen (I'm just gonna call him Hans from now on because uh yeah, no), collects all the things not fit for display in his personal transport ship. He's essentially converted it into his private mobile museum.

Not long after we established diplomatic channels and preliminary trade routes, Hans eagerly went off on his own to visit Alien equivalents to museums and such. Spent a solid three weeks traveling, sight-seeing, and adding things to his collection.

During a stop on the outer reaches of Coalition space his computer blue screened and forcibly shut down the reactor and pretty much wiped his communication array address book among other less relevant components. And no, I have no clue why he went so far out. He's 46, midlife crisis is my guess, telling him to go out on daring adventures or whatever. Anyway, he couldn't restart the fusion reactor while the inhibitor rod chambers were open, they open and shoot out the star canceler in an emergency shutdown, but one was stuck with the rod half-way in, so Hans had to manually open the reactor and fix it by hand.

Problem is, his transport ship, the Veritable Greenhorn, is fairly big, and the reactor's outer diameter was about 37 meters. Even in zero-g that's a lot of mass for one person to move, not to mention how much force you'd need to pry out a hyper dense metal alloy rod from a gate meant to withstand the pressure of a star right next to it. But he did have a lot mechanical power at his disposal, it just needed to be... rearranged.

Now, he did have backup generators that quietly hum in the background like on every Human vessel, but these are passive and nowhere near enough to charge the hyperdrive even if he could tell it where to go, let alone power machinery to counter a thousand ton jammed deadbolt. He needed something that had a kick to it, something you could really rev beyond its limits just long enough. He needed his V6s and V8s.

After almost two days of DIY engineering details I won't bore you with because I fell asleep when he explained them himself, Hans fired up the engines. It was a very tedious five hours of the engines rythmically tugging the deadbolt a tenth of a milimeter open and what is basically a massive jackhammer pummeling the rod back in. At one point he ran out of gas and was forced to sacrifice his alcohol collection.

Suffice to say it barely worked, all of the machinery he cobbled together became practically unusable, but it worked and he was able to restart the fusion reactor.

Oh, he didn't come home or anything by the way. Like I guess, midlife crisis. If anything, success has made him think nothing can get in the way of his Galactic exploration quest.

So that's the story. No, he didn't use combustion engines to start the reactor or anything, but lacking any other means to fix a problem I honestly didn't know could happen, the petrol guzzlers gave him the right kind of horsepower.

By the way, if you get a chance to tour the Veritable Greenhorn, I'd recommend it. I can't even begin to describe how that contraption looks, it's one of the main displays. I guarantee it's the most specific purpose built and rough pieces of Human engineering you will ever see.