#ARE YOU INSANE LIKE ME; BEEN IN PAIN LIKE ME? ( AESTHETICS. )

[sirenclown]

tag dump.

[guillotinebypierre]

Club culture was a crazy thing.

Especially in South Korea, where apparently young people only knew how to socialise if alcohol was involved.

Y/n was not a fan of clubs. Never had been and he had sworn to himself that he would never be a fan. Good thing the place they were going to was no club.

"Yo Y/n are you busy next weekend?", his friend Jongin asked him. Yes, THE Jongin, as in Kai from EXO.

Y/n worked as a photographer. A very good one at that. So good in fact, that Kai requested him to become his personal photographer after a fateful photoshoot for his solo debut, thus creating a somewhat surprising friendship. To Y/n, Jongin was just another regular dude who was a really nice person but could also be a fucking pain in the ass. He could, however, not deny that he enjoyed the behind the scenes looks he was able to get by knowing someone in the industry.

"No I'm free, all my schedules for photoshoots end on friday. Why'd you ask, though? You have something in mind?", Y/n asked while mindlessly scrolling through his Instagram home page.

"I was invited to a party, and I want you to come with me-"

"Jongin you know I don't do well with alcohol and clubs", Y/n cut him off.

"Dude, relax! It's not a club and nobody is gonna force alcohol down your throat. It's just a simple get together between me and my friends! Nothing over the top, I promise.", he reassured him.

This seemed like a trap. All of Y/n's alarms were ringing but, for whatever reason, he decided to go with it and agree.

And that brings us back to the start of the story. Y/n and Jongin sat in the back of a black limousine that was driving them to a huge mansion in a rather secluded, gated community a bit away from central Seoul. The area was quite beautiful, luxurious houses equipped with the most insane looking backyards, pools, basketball, tennis and football fields Y/n had ever seen before. Palm trees everywhere, something very out of character for Seoul. It was almost as if they had tried to mimic an American aesthetic or whatever.

The two men continued being driven up the seemingly never ending hill, Jongin being all giggly and basically jumping around in joy like a small child whose mother had just allowed him to eat candy for dinner. As the pair's chauffeur suddenly stopped the car, dread started filling Y/n's thoughts as he became self conscious and felt underdressed. He was wearing a simple outfit, consisting of a black Prada polo shirt that hugged his muscular chest and biceps while accentuating his small waist. He had on black dress pants with a designer belt and to top it all off some Prada loafers.

Jongin originally told him to dress casual but he still felt like, given the circles Jongin tends to hang out in, he should make himself presentable. They got out of the car and it was as if Y/n was shellshocked. They stood in a cul de sac, around them similar expensive limousines transporting all kinds of celebrities. Y/n looked around at the estate in front of him, loud music blasting out of the open windows and doors while atmospheric lights bathed the room in a sultry and sensual ambience.

He looked around once more, now acknowledging the people who were attending this 'party'. He saw members of NCT, people he was all too familiar with due to doing photoshoots for their most recent album. He also saw multiple girl groups, most noticeably Red Velvet and TWICE. The former of which he had known very well, the ladder of which being an almost unachievable dream of his as apparently JYPE had some kind of policy prohibiting them from hiring him due to him having worked with their 'rivals'.

"Dude are you just gonna stare or are you going to join me and get your ass inside?", Jongin said while smirking at him.

"What happened to the 'simple get together', Kai?"

This was a bad sign for Jongin. Y/n only ever used his stage name when he fucked up.

"Alright hear me out, I had to lie! You wouldn't have come otherwise and you would've missed out on so much fun man", Jongin tried to explain himself while pulling Y/n inside the mansion.

As they got inside Y/n immediately smelled the alcohol in the air, paired with the smell of greasy food, curtesy of the amount of pizzas and fried chicken laid out on the tables for the guests to eat. He hated to admit it but these celebrities sure knew how to throw a party.

---------------------------------------------------

The night picked up pace incredibly quickly, the onslaught of new guests apparently being over. It was going on full blast, drunk idols making out and laughing like maniacs wherever one would look. Y/n, still without a single ounce of alcohol inside his system, had lost sight of his friend. He thought that Jongin was either passed out drunk, getting laid or was kidnapped, and decided to just go outside and relax by the pool.

He stood at the edge of the backyard, overlooking the city, which was now only visible due to its skyscrapers and bright lights illuminating the dark sky. He sighed, battling himself mentally on whether to call it a day or not and just go home without Jongin before a raspy voice interrupted his thought process.

"I've never seen you before, at these kinds of parties, you know? Are you a newly debuted idol?"

"Oh no I'm not an idol at all, just a plus one-"

"Well Mr. Plus One, mind if I take the spot next to you?", she interrupted him.

"Sure"

She stepped up next to him, allowing him to take a clear look at her face and finally getting him to realise who he was talking to the whole time.

Hirai Momo. Momoring. The Dancing Mochine. Twice's Main Dancer. 1/3 of the JLine, whatever you want to call her.

"What's up tiger? Cat got your tongue?", she asked him as she turned to face him.

"No I just didn't expect to speak to someone like you tonight-"

"What's that supposed to mean", she asked fake insulted

"That I didn't expect to meet an A-lister tonight

She smiled at him, a small blush forming on her cheeks, either from his compliment or the alcohol being breathed in like air at this party.

The night continued like this for the pair as they got to know each other more and more. They had chemistry together, their conversation bouncing off each other naturally and progressing naturally, neither one feeling bored and reciprocating each other's energy. The sound of the party behind them seemingly drowned out as they only had eyes for each other.

"You know Mr. Plus-One-"

"It's Y/n. Y/n L/n. Nice to meet you Ms. Hirai-"

"You can call me Momo, handsome", Momo said while starring into his eyes.

"As I was saying, what did you do to get to this party? Whose plus one are you exactly?"

"Jongin. Or Kai, from EXO. His name depends on how angry I am at him"

"Makes sense now. Of course someone like him would be friends with a guy as hot as you. What do you do for a living, Y/n. Like how did you get to meet someone in the industry?"

"I'm a photographer. I met Jongin back when he was doing photoshoots for his solo debut. He liked my work so much that he requested for me to be his personal photographer and SM kinda started using me for all their artists. I actually tried applying for JYPE, too, but they rejected me because I worked with SM before. Seems quite petty if you ask me", Y/n replied while taking the last sip of his water.

"You're telling me that I could've gotten your number before if that old geezer didn't have an ego the size of Seoul? I swear to god he will pay for his sins.", Momo replied while laughing and smiling at Y/n.

"Who says that you'd get my number? Someone's confident", Y/n teased her while raising an eyebrow

"Oh please, Y/n. I could get you naked and fuck you right here in front of everyone in like 3 minutes if I wanted to", Momo replied while smirking at him.

The two had moved closer together a while ago and where now touching skin on skin while speaking to each other.

Y/n looked down at Momo and saw her bite her lip while eyeing him up and down, her eyes trailing his lips, then his eyes and back to his lips again.

"Are you currently seeing someone?", she asked while backing off and slowly walking towards the hot tub.

"Nah I'm single. I'm looking for someone right now but there haven't been that many that have caught my attention"

"Am I one if them?"

"I think you can answer that question yourself, Momo"

They soon arrived at the hot tub, Momo bending down and taking off her clothes, exposing her red lacy underwear to him. She looked over her shoulder, seeing as Y/n shamelessly stared at her thick ass, almost as if he was in a trance.

"Are you just gonna watch or do you care to join me, pretty boy?", Momo asked while getting inside the hot tub.

This seemed to shake those thoughts off of Y/n as he began stripping down to his underwear and joined Momo. She swam over to him, her hand immediately interlocking behind his neck as she sat on his lap. She looked him in the eyes, almost waiting for him to make the first move.

"I want to fuck you right now", Y/n said, boldness somehow taking over.

"Then fuck me, baby", Momo said before smashing her lips on his.

They kissed, nay it was more like they tried sucking each other's face off, tongues battling for dominance as neither wanted to back down. Their hands roamed around each other's bodies, Y/n finding his way towards Momo's ass while Momo dug her nails into his wide back, marking her territory.

The pair continued making out as they explored their needs, pleasure taking over both of them as lust dictated their every move. Not wanting to lose any time, Momo unhooked her bra, throwing it away somewhere before pushing her panties to the side and fishing out Y/n's dick out of his underwear. She stroked his cock, getting it hard before aligning the tip and slamming herself down onto his length.

She underestimated how much she could take, closing her eyes in a mixture of pleasure and pain, before biting down onto his shoulder and taking a few moments to relax. Y/n felt her body on top of his as Momo slowly accustomed to his length and thickness before starting to ride him. She moved her hips in an expert way as she threw it back on him, her walls clamping down onto him with each lap she completed riding on top of him. He was so deep inside him that it drove her insane.

Momo leaned down, moaning and groaning into Y/n's ears as her face reddened even more, rivalling her underwear. She viciously rode him, her climax coming closer and closer as if it was inching towards a goal line, her moans becoming more sporadic and breathy rather than drawn out and controlled. Her ample breasts bounced as her breathing quickened, her pussy becoming tighter and tighter around Y/n before she let out one more loud scream in ecstasy and fell down on top of him. Y/n came, too, his cum dripping out and overflowing out of Momo's pussy as the pair caught their breath.

"Do- Do you happen to have a camera with you, Y/n?", Momo suddenly asked.

"Just my phone, why'd you ask?", he replied.

"We need to get a room. Follow me pretty boy"

The lovers jumped out of the hot tub, oblivious to the few idols who were sober enough to witness and register what had just occurred in front of them, before walking inside the mansion and up the stairs. The second floor of the house was somehow even more luxurious than the first one, expensive paintings and vases littered around the walls and floors, a red carpet going all the way to a big double door.

Momo limped towards the door, her legs being almost like jelly, before throwing the doors open and revealing a large king sized bed. She turned around and gestured for Y/n to close and lock the door before jumping on him and kissing him hungrily again.

Y/n walked forward, falling with Momo onto the bed before taking his lips and kissing, biting and licking every part of her body. Just as he was about to go down on her, however, she pulled his hair and said to him

"I've had enough foreplay, fuck me already"

Y/n took his dick, aligned it with her wet snatch and inserted it in her. Her back arched immediately, mouth forming an 'O' shape as her hands reached around to grab literally anything for support. He slowly picked up his pace, moving his hips while also applying force and slamming inside her, fucking her like he had some pain inside him.

Suddenly, he turner around, pushing her head down and having her ass up, before grabbing a fistful of her hair and taking out his phone. He hit record, the phone now picking up on the loud moans, in contrast to the quiet and breathy ones she had let out earlier in the hot tub, these ones seemed like they were for the entirety of Seoul to hear, so everyone knew who this dick belonged to. Y/n pulled her hair, making Momo look at him before letting go and going to town on her ass cheeks, slapping each of them with vigour as the skin rippled and the recoil moved like the waves in a still body of water after being disturbed. Her moans grew louder and more frantic, her eyes forming tears of pleasure as she once again tightened around his base and came with a lot scream of pleasure.

Momo took a few moments to regain her composure, before finding almost superhuman strength and flipping both of them over so now she was on top, riding Y/n like a Harley. She looked him in the eyes, a hungry expression on her face. Her juices flowed down her thighs, souvenirs of her prior climaxes as she began riding him without falling off. She decided to get nasty with him, spitting into his mouth before inserting her tongue in and playing with it, exchanging saliva with Y/n.

Her hips, once again, moved in a circular motion as she felt every single piece of her lovers dick, her insides memorising every vein, every inch stretching her out like nothing had before. Sweat beads trickled down her forehead, the two of them coated in a layer of it as the exercise tired them out. Her hands were on his abs for stability, her head thrown into the air as she felt things she had never felt before.

Y/n started feeling like his climax was coming soon, the boiling sensation in his core greeting him as he watched Momo's breast bounce around while she jumped up and down on him, impaling herself with his dick.

"Momo I'm close."

"Alright pull out, I want it on my face"

He pulled out of her, Momo going onto her knees while sticking her tongue out, her fingers playing with her pussy and nipples as Y/n stroked his cock, the visual imagery becoming too much as he soon erupted in a geyser of hot, white, thick and sticky semen that covered Momo's entire face.

Y/n fell back onto the bed as Momo scooped the cum up with her fingers and put it in her mouth. She walked, or rather wobbled, around before grabbing a towel and cleaning her face. She then, too, fell back into the bed and almost immediately fell asleep after cuddling with Y/n.

--------------------------

The next morning Y/n woke up relatively early, stretching his arms before realising that he was alone in bed. He looked towards the table in the centre of the room and found a note.

"Hey handsome,

this is Momo. Thank you for giving me the best night of my life. Unfortunately, I had schedules so I left early, but I would love to see you again. I left you my number at the bottom of the page and I hope to hear from you soon.

P.S. I will speak to JYP about hiring your fine ass for a photoshoot for TWICE.

take care, tiger

love, Momo xoxo"

Y/n smiled to himself before pocketing the note and walking downstairs, finding Jongin passed out on a coach surrounded by other drunk idols. He picked Jongins phone up and called for the manager to get him.

"I swear he will be the death of me"

[narcoticwriter]

I'm Finally Breaking My Silence.

I can't take it anymore. Someone has to know about this. It's been years since the realization dawned on me and years since I've kept my lips sealed, but I can bear it no longer.

It makes no fucking sense how the tall Genshin women have heels.

This is a meme, but I'm also on something else entirely. Maybe it's delusion.

I don't care if it's for the fanservice, I don't care if it's hot, and I certainly don't care if people like it because it makes no sense whatsoever.

I don't know how people can run around in varying landscapes and roads on heels. I don't know how the heel itself would survive such treatment. And I don't know how the wearer, no matter how skilled, would not trip and fall on their ass.

Some instances can be afforded more forgiveness than others, but this will not stop me from compiling a list of how I feel about them individually and as people:

Actual Insanity -

Beidou: The Alcor is a wooden boat. One day, that heel is slipping through a small hole in the floor, snapping off, and sending her careening across the starboard. Someone's going to laugh. And then they will be tossed into the brine before being pulled back out and promptly begging for forgiveness. I cry.

Jean: The Gunnhildrs are masochists. The pain is worth it for Mondstadt, as always. How does she do it, running around everywhere and carrying the Knights of Favonius on her back? There's no way that she doesn't kick off the boots while sitting at her desk when it becomes too much to bear.

Dehya: When she says that she wants to slay on the battlefield as much as her looks, I did not think that the shoes would also be a thing to consider. And in sand? Are you mad? Those heels are sinking. No wonder her burst cancels when she jumps. Imagine having to rework your precarious footing every single time.

Yelan: This sick woman unironically likes it. She probably enjoys the sensation of pain every single time it becomes borderline pleasurable. It doesn't help that she looks forward to it being treated too. Herbalist Gui is getting really sick of having to wrap her feet in gauze after slathering it with medicinal foot cream.

Rosaria: I don't know if she's capable of caring anymore, actually. She doesn't seem to process this the same. The woman has an aesthetic to commit to and she doesn't do anything halfway, including her fit. She says she doesn't get drunk, but you know damn well that it and the nicotine numb the pain.

Eula: Anyone who says that they can do reconnaissance work and wear those things is lying, and Eula Lawrence is no exception to this rule. To add insult to injury, she also has spurs on them. Spurs on those beasts of shoes. Respectfully, she needs to twist her ankle and be put on bedrest for the day, so she can think about it.

Candace: I can't believe that this mentally brought me to my fucking knees. How dare you? You live in an area that is mostly sand and dust! You go out in the night and kill things! You're constantly out and about taking care of things! WHY ARE YOU IN SUCH HIGH HEELS?!?

Shenhe: (head in hands) I don't even know if she knows that this isn't normal to wear. I'm going to Cloud Retainer's domain and demanding that she be put in something that makes more sense. She lives in the mountains for Archon's sake! She may not act entirely human, but trust me, she is one at the end of the day.

It Makes Some Sense -

Kujou Sara: She's won, actually. Geta are allegedly much more comfortable to wear than heels. She slays, stays stylish, and isn't suffering while doing so. Good for her, because this is one of the only wins she has in a long, long list of L's, mostly attributed to Yae Miko if you take the time to really look at it.

Lisa: Is she really going to be running around all that much? No! Because she has her little helpers to go around and do things for her. And even if she has to go around by herself, she does so at a rate that isn't breakneck speed. Also, I personally believe that she has some potions and enhancements to help out with it.

Ningguang: She barely gets a pass. Barely. I personally don't believe she takes that walk around the pier every day. It's every other day at the most consistent. At every other function, you can trust that she has a seat and that she's not on her feet. She can afford to have such accommodation.

Raiden Shogun: If her body wasn't a puppet that she made for herself, I would absolutely put her in the other category. She absolutely made sure that she wouldn't feel pain while wearing those things and it shows with how she's able to move like she does in combat.

Yae Miko: I won't call it foul and say that since she can shift into a kitsune form, she's not going into this category, but provide the proof in other ways. Do you really see her going anywhere in a hurry? Precisely the point. She could probably get away with people carrying her places.

[AAAAAA] -

Arlecchino: I have no words for the atrocity that is those heels. None at all. If I think about them too much, I'll start frothing at the mouth, and not in any good way.

Conclusion - My heart weeps prematurely for Clorinde and Navia. Fontainian fashion can kiss my ass. I mourn their feet.

[astvrook]

2002 | park sunghoon.

genre/au: yandere x reader.

When the Prince of the City also becomes the villain, there is no one and nothing that can protect his subjects from his ruthless reign, even under the deepest darkness.

Sunghoon, the minister's son, always carried the intoxicating scent of Nina Ricci lotion, for which his mother was a loyal fan, and the infectious, carefree, uninhibited smile of a baby. But something about him is unbalanced, so much that the temperature in a room drops, and not just because it is no longer winter, when he enters.

He's a masked angel whose light fades as the demon he harbors appears, because Sunghoon's solely responsible for every crime that has been perpetrated here.

You can imagine Sunghoon playing in the depths of every person's mind, as each time he cries, he apologizes to his parents and promises them that he will not make the mistakes he "regrets" again. His parents know, of course, that he will do it again, but they forgive him every time, for they raised their son to achieve excellence and surpass everyone in this town.

Anyways.

In the world of the moneyed, everything can be corrupt, and Sunghoon was not about to stop.

You, fortunately, were all but invisible. Not in a physical sense, but for the Park family, your economic status was relevant, as it allowed you to be hidden from their eyes.

Until the night of Halloween, when it all went south.

At this moment.

In your boyfriend's room, someone with an intense stare and an unrelenting temper takes over with his flawless aesthetic posture. The explicit image sends shivers down your spine. 

He has a traditional Day of the Dead make-up, using a combination of monochrome to create a unique calavera, and mixed with elements such as flames, bloodied roses and scar marks for a truly eye-catching look. But there are no eyes.

Which dark impulse was coursing through Jihyun's flawed brain to molest Park Sunghoon like that?

He wasn't going to stop now. 

"¡Please let me go!"

It's too late for you, and you can't do anything to stop what's about to happen, so you just huddle in the corner of the room and cover your ears.

Jihyun's head tilts to the side and the blood drips onto the floor as he emits moans and sobs. Fear and pain makes the whites of her eyes show, and the cries tears at your ribs. 

But despite that, you still find him pathetic... to have faced the demon himself without demonstrating even the slightest skill in wielding such a weapon or understanding how to defend himself.

Fool. Fool. Fool.

Sunghoon's smile is all the more shocking when you notice that he seems unconcerned about the suffering of others. He appears to thrive simply on the pain of others.

Oh dear me.

It's only a matter of minutes before Sunghoon puts your boyfriend's windpipe beneath his foot and snaps his life away.

For an instant, you're captivated by just observing him.

And at that moment, the world freezes and everything around you stands still as you meet Sunghoon's piercing gaze. 

"Having fun watching?"

Park Sunghoon picks up the baseball bat and brings the head to his mouth, feasting slowly on the brilliant red fluid as the blood collects on his tongue and slides between his teeth.

"It really annoys me when people spy on me, little one." Later, Sunghoon thrusts the bat harder against your boyfriend's ribs, hearing an ominous crack. 

Releasing it, he falls to the ground and recoils, feasting your eyes on his close approach to you. 

It's a terrifying scene. 

"It's something that drives me absolutely insane."

He's entertained because of something.

You.

You're completely unclothed, save for the lingerie you're wearing, and Sunghoon's balls ache at the sight of you.

"I'm sorry, I did not... mean to see. Just leave right now".

You are experiencing shortness of breath, and panic causes abnormal dysregulation in your system. Not only that, but you had to run for your life.

Right now.

You are shaking and trying to escape when, with no warning, he seizes you and pushes you hard against the wall. You can sense his intimidating presence as he snarls in your ear: "You shouldn't run away, there is no crime scene to justify your escape. At least not yet." 

"Please..."

"Shut the fuck up". Sunghoon shoots you a malicious look, and licks the tears running down your cheeks, as he senses the sensitive play of sensations on your skin, which oscillates between the warmth and the cold that his touch provokes. 

Sweet.

Neither can look away, for this night... you're his favorite mischief.

Pretty and his.

Come on... Why settle for a mere piece of agonising flesh, when you could become the possession of the castigator?

He savours the metallic aftertaste of the blood on his teeth with his tongue, as an expression of horror settles on your face. 

"You can't place a lamb in the path of a wolf and expect it to go hungry, right?"

And Sunghoon's famished to death tonight.

ENHYPEN MASTERLIST.

[writingshushf1]

Wildest dreams

Summary: Lewis Hamilton was screwed. He realised that he fell in love with his best friend, the one where he promised he wouldn’t do it, especially in the condition they were in.

Rating: +16

Warnings: none

Word count: 2.3

Notes: this is the first fic of a series that is inspired by @mignonricciardo “formula one drivers as romance tropes'  so the credit of the original idea goes to her! ofc, i changed some bits because i refuse to remember ad 2021 

masterlist

2022

The car was shit. W13 let it down since the moment they tested it for the first time and he wasn’t happy. He tried to let it all go after 2021, to think positive and be back at competing with his team - but no, the universe was playing a joke on him. And to top it off, gossip about him was going all around it, like he was a prey, waiting to be eaten alive. His PR executive bolted inside the room while he was doing a physical therapy session with Angela, his back was killing him.

“Not now, Mimi…” He murmured, trying to turn up the music, but she put a hand on top of him.

“I think it’s the time. You need a relationship to make the vultures talk about anything else.”

“What? But I’m not seeing anyone…” He raised his head, scrunching up his nose.

“Well, it can be a fake relationship! Just need a contract, a really good one, some lawyers and boom! New girlfriend in less than two weeks.” She was restlessly typing on her phone.

He sighed loudly, stopping his exercise and sat down, passing his hands on his thighs. “Fine.” Angela looked a bit sceptical towards him. “With one condition.”

“Only one? I can see that you’re evolving! Simpler.” She joked.

“I’ll choose the girl.”

“Fair, it’s you that will be dating her.”

……………………………………………………………………………..

You were snoring softly against the pillow, your limbs just screamed with pain and this nap was really the only thing that you needed right now, however, your doorbell started to ring. With an angry groan, you stood up from your bed and walked towards the door, opening and seeing a very anxious Lewis Hamilton there.

“Hey, Lew… Kinda weird for you to visit me in the middle of the week, especially that you have a race on sunday. You know, there’s a thing called cell phones…” He didn’t even wait for you to finish talking and walked inside your loft. “Oh, okay then, no manners, I see.”

“So… I need your help.”

“Here it comes… What’s wrong, mate?” You sat next to him, holding his hand.

“So, my PR wants me to be in a relationship. A fake. So the media will focus on something else about me.”

“Do you need me to find you a bloke?”

“Kind of. Actually… Would you be in?” He looked at you with exasperation in his eyes. “It’s just… We've been friends for years now, people have seen us together a lot, they always suspected it… And I trust you. A lot.” 

“That’s…” You sighed, letting your back hit the soft cushion. “A lot. Like- It will affect my career, for sure! Or I won’t have time to be this aesthetic WAG of a Formula One driver. I love you, Lew… But I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“I know! I know! But… Everything sucks since last year and if I’m going to do this so I can wipe out all of the shit, at least I’m doing it with someone I love.”

You just heard his words and kept quiet for a few seconds, reflecting if this was not as insane as your brain wants to put it. Well, it is very outside of the norm to have your very famous friend asking you to be his fake girlfriend for the media, but at the same time, you’ve felt honoured that he thought about you first amongst all of your common friends.

“Well.. Since you asked nicely, we can arrange that.” You laid your head on his shoulder. “Fuck, you really know how to convince me.”

“Always did that very well and you know it.”

…………………………………………………………………

A few days later, some meeting with both of your lawyers, a contract - evolving money, you were planning on how to make it public your “relationship”. Your profiles on social media were all private, so no one could see except from pictures that he would post.

“Okay… So we can make this very secretive, to make them talk about it.” Miranda, the PR, suggested it.

“Maybe some fancy dates at restaurants?” He suggested.

“And sometimes, you leave the paddock holding flowers, like you’re going to give to someone else.” You completed it.

“And then, he can take you to a race, but just simple gestures, no kissing, of course. But enough to make them crazy for a break.” The PR finished, smiling. “And remember, you can have other people, as long as you’re very secretive about it, we don’t want a cheating scandal.”

“I kinda feel bad about the fans, they will be very happy.” The British man said, sipping on his whiskey.

“It’s your fault you didn’t want to fall in love.”

“My bad that no one would be as good as you.” He poked his tongue out, laughing.

“Such a cheesy man, are you, huh? I didn’t know that.”

………………………………………………………………….

The first few weeks of you being “together”, some paparazzis caught you two in some fancy restaurants, running together. At the beginning, it was awkward, you were friends, sure… But this whole situationship about pretending to be together was leaving you into a weird space everytime you two were alone. Of course, he tried to avoid it, skipping this step, but inevitably it would happen for a while.

Then, he invited you to spend a weekend with him, a race weekend. Your first thought was to deny at all costs, it was going to be so uncomfortable, especially with paparazzi all around you both. However, with a little of his encouragement words and reassurance that you did not need to go in with him through the Paddock, you agreed to it.

Sunday morning, he got this two bedroom ensuite on, so you wouldn't actually sleep at the same place, but not to leave any suspicions in case someone invaded your privacy. Lewis was up early, shifting around, shower on then off, blow dryer, lights on and off. You groaned and got up, opening your door and showing the middle finger towards him.

“Good morning, love.” He smiled, and threw some clothes at you.

“What’s that?”

“Some matching clothes. I know we won’t walk in together, but… I need to know you’re mine.” His cocky smile appeared.

“You…” You pulled the mostly monochromatic yellow outfit. “How?”

“Oh! And I have some shoes and accessories, you can look into that bag!”

“Okay, you really put yourself through.”

“Go get dressed! We’ll leave for breakfast soon!”

“I’m sorry, but I need makeup to look hot, so you will sit your fine ass down and let me do my magic.”

“Anything for my queen.”

“Cheesy!” You screamed, going to the bathroom with all of the things he gave to you.

After an hour, you two were finally going to the paddock. He was wearing an all yellow outfit and it perfectly matched with you. It was dumb? Yeah, but the butterflies were running up on his chest, the feeling of his missing puzzle piece being there just made everything even more confusing. He let you go out first, entering another through another gate - with almost no one around except for the team crew, then of course he made his entrance, looking handsome as always, while you were already at Mercedes’ hospitality, getting an espresso. When he appeared with a smile, extending a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers.

“Thank you.” You murmured, kissing his cheek.

“It’s not for publicity, okay? It’s an acknowledgment for being the best.”

“But the paparazzi loved it, people are really going crazy.” You could hear his laugh and it made your heart flutter.

………………………………………………………….

The end of the season sucked, Lewis had a DNF on Abu Dhabi, which made at least that horrible car have its end. He was upset, everything in that year about racing was just messed up, but at least he had you along the way. 

You gave him a few days to breathe, acknowledge this unusual year for him, Hamilton needed this time for himself and you understood. Of course, it was mundane now, from spending some weekends knowing new countries and having fun with him, it was paradise, now you got it why women would always throw themselves at his feet, I mean- he was handsome and polite and also your friend for years, but you’ve never seen that way, a different side of the british man. You smiled with the pictures that popped up on your twitter, of you two hanging out the night before the last race, his hand around your waist, a stunning smile that could light up the whole room and stylish outfits - that you’ve always tried to match and look as fashionable as he is, however, the dark skinned man would steal the scene every time he stepped on the paddock for a race weekend.

The sound of some random tv show played in the background as you kept scrolling your instagram feed, just to kill some time. Out of the blue, Hamilton’s nickname appeared on the screen and you thought it was weird, why would he call when texting was quicker? Without waiting, you answered the call, pressing your legs together in anticipation.

“Hey, love.”

“Hi, Lew. Why calling? Especially in the middle of the day.”

“Oh… Wanna drive somewhere? I just could use some company.”

“Of course?” The request was a bit out of his usual character, however you knew him enough to know he just wanted to empty his mind.

“Pick you up in five.”

“Ok!”

And he hung up. You managed to put on a hoodie, sneakers and some makeup - just a bit of mascara, lipgloss and a blush, to look more “alive”. In exactly five minutes his car was pulling on your driveway. He opened the door for you and soon you two were going off to… somewhere.

The ride was rather quiet, just some pop music from the radio filling up the silence - comfortable silence. In less than an hour, he pulled up on a beautiful view, between the rocks you could see a river that was starting to freeze.

“Everything okay?” You said, in a low tone.

“Yeah. Just wanted to drive off, but your company makes it better.”

…………………………………………………………………………………

After that night, where you contemplated the view, talked and reflected on how your lives have changed in those last years, he took you home and wished you a good night. This became frequent, drive offs to different places, inviting you to his morning runs and hikes - which you weren’t so good, so he would continuously hold your hips and sometimes, when he was in his best mood, his hand would slip into yours on the rides back to your house and it was the best sensation in the whole world.

That’s when he knew he fell in love and all of this was more than some publicity contract, Lewis wanted to be by your side, it was the moments where he could be himself and no judgments from anyone, just you two in some remote place, far from paparazzi. At first, he didn’t want to believe, he promised himself, right before all of this had started, he wouldn’t fall in love with you. He couldn’t. He shouldn’t. 

Yet, there he was, sitting down on his sofa, looking at pictures that he took of you on top of some hill, smiling. Quickly he called Miranda, Angela and Russell on a video call.

“I think I fell for her. And I promised myself I wouldn’t be in this state.” He sighed dramatically.

“That was just a matter of time, mate.” The British younger driver said, chuckling.

“What?”

“I hate to say it, but… You really sold the couple thing.” Miranda completed. “She looks at you like you’re the one.”

“I’m thirty-eight and I’m freaking out just like a teenager trying to deny its first love. And she’s an old friend. Great!” He passed his hands on the loose curls of his hair. “I really didn’t think I could actually feel that.”

………………………………………………………………………..

After another drive to a beautiful sight with no one else, he parked his car in front of your house. Looking at you for a few seconds before he tried to pay attention to something else. You noted that right away, thinking that he did get a bit distant those last few days, especially after his birthday, so you figured out that maybe you said the wrong thing or he found someone to actually be with him, so you would be finishing the contract on the publicity stunt. Well, it was good while it lasted, but it didn’t stop you to feel a heartbreak coming into you. As a mature woman, you breathed in and looked at him.

“Something is wrong with you. Spill it out.”

“Well… Something is wrong. And I need to talk to you about it.”

“Go for it, Hamilton. You know I can take it.”

“What?”

“What?”

“What do you think I’m going to say?”

“That we should end this?”

“Oh… Love. Wait. Listen to me first.” He held both of your hands. “ At the beginning this was to save my ass and to have some company on the weekends, but with all those months being… In this fake relationship made me realise something…” He breathed in, closing his eyes. “I’m in love with you. I don’t want this to be a publicity stunt. I want you to be with me as mine. My girl.”

You put your hand on his cheek, caressing it with your thumb. “I didn’t know you were so romantic.”

He didn’t wait for more and soon his lips were against yours in a calm yet romantic kiss. His hands lowered to your hips, pulling your body closer to his, while he deepened the touch. When air made it necessary, you were almost on his lap and both of your cheeks were bright red.

“Come in with me. I promise there’s no paparazzi waiting for us inside.”

He laughed and got out of the car, opening the door for you as you two rushed inside like horny teenagers.

[dontmixpaintinyourcoffee]

EAH was one of my very favorite cartoons as a kid, and I've been enjoying it's renaissance very much, so REDESIGNS!!! (I've done a bunch over a couple months and put them on Instagram, but I figured I'd move them here cause Instagram sucks, so if you've seen them before over there that's why)

I think the original designs are aesthetically pleasing, but they're not super practical for the characters- case in point! Gay icon Darling Charming

I'm gonna put all my design notes under the cut so if you don't care about that carry on, have a nice day

Darlings original design is fun, but it doesn't serve an obvious purpose, at least not that I can see. She clearly wears armor on the outside of her outfit, the Marie Antoinette poof is a bit strange to me, and she has very little visually tying her to Dexter and Daring. I wanted to emphasize her secrecy, but also her passion for puzzle solving, riddles, combat tactics, ect. when she's around the people she trusts (as if the queer metaphor wasn't obvious enough)

Here are some details that just make me happy

-First, the hair. I knew I wanted to give the White Knight a more unique look, and I wanted to simplify it overall. I LOVE the original armor, but it would be a huge pain to animate, and I don't have the patience for that, so I went for a masquerade-ball-three-musketeers-vibe. The braided bun is still a fancy, regal style, but it's a lot easier for her to manage in her uniform

-I tried to synthesize the color schemes of the Charming siblings. They all have a pit of yellow, a bit of pinkish red, a bit of blue. The twins lean heavy into yellow and blue, with splashes of red where thematically appropriate. Darling doesn't really communicate with Daring much, so she has the least amount of red. I think having more muted colors in comparison to her brothers also emphasizes the fact that she's hiding herself. She is very much defying her family with her ambitions, and she has to work hard to keep it under wraps. Sort of related, I gave her a tooth gap, because it's a cute design detail, but also to act as a "flaw" to contrast with Daring. Daring's primary physical trait is his ungodly perfect teeth, so I thought it'd be fun to give her an "imperfect" trait, like Dexter and his glasses. There's nothing actually wrong with them, but it's a failure to reach the insane expectations that the Charming family has cultivated over the generations. Basically the Charmings are petty and I feel bad for the youngest generation.

-Speaking of concealment! There are a couple bits that I thought would be fun to hide throughout her outfit. First, the skirt is flowy enough and the shirt is positioned just right so that you can't tell, but she has pieces of leather armor on at all times. She saves the plates for wonderland. She also wears gloves to hide the callouses on her fingers from swordfighting! She also probably keeps knives in her hair somewhere. Pulling a small switchblade out of the base of her bun just seems like something she would do

-Final thing, I gave her a scar! From what I can tell, she's always been very rough-and-tumble, so I gave her a scar over her brow. She likes to pretend it's from a Mysterious Incident to mess with her friends, but really she was wrestling Daring when they were like, 4 and 6, and she bonked her face into a table. She got over it real fast, but Daring got a long lecture about it, and that's when he started getting over-protective about her

[cator99]

not trying to start shit but if ur comfortable do you mind talking about your gender identity and transition / opinions cause the post about your coworker really got me thinking

Youre not starting shit dw. I think that if a man can blast roids be bald not shave think of femininity as personal humiliation be competitive and openly express attraction to females then I should be able to do all that while rejecting any of the pathologizing that happens based on the fact that I'm doing that while female. Ykwim. I think that the concept of "gender identity" is precisely that disturbing pathologization I'm referring to. When a male looks or lives how I do, it isn't ever seen as indicative of any internal misalignment... but for me it is? Stupid. But the thing is that there absolutely is a misalignment occuring– and I've had to realize it has nothing to do with me. The way I live signifies nothing about holding some sort of allegiance to the males who are generally the only ones utterly unquestioningly afforded the freedom to live this way because for them it is a freedom– and for females, living like this often takes immense amounts of courage. And when one wants OUT of it all... it's easier to approach this painful reality by simply performing mental magic, flipping the narrative and saying "ah! Suddenly my hatred for all of this Woman Stuff makes sense! I should have been a man all along!" That's great but after almost 15 years in this I've realized it is fucking loser shit to think that despising misogynistic expectations and restrictive gender roles makes one a man actually because well um because you said so... because only men crave dignity... because woman equals long hair and shaving legs and makeup and my socially-trained bodily hatred and desire for a life free from demeaning treatment on the basis of my femaleness is totally abnormal no women ever feel like this no women could possibly enjoy the thought having a hairy body or a beard or feel inspired by masculine aesthetics which are largely equated with strength confidence dignity social dominance and being in actual possession of a brain and personality so any desire to embody that and be seen by others as an actual human being instead of a member of the subjugated sex actually make one imbued with Real Maleness... right..... to be honest it just became so embarassing to think that I was a grown adult still acting like this shit made any sense. I don't have a gender identity. When I pass, I take on the status of undercover female. I'm not a male. Have y'all actually met any of them?? Like, for real??? Its like... Jesus christ... LOL. No. I like the way I live. I have sympathy for females lost in the gender sauce but it only goes so far when they're by and large fucking insane and homophobic. And sure I could talk about my transition but I ultimately see it as such a non-thing. I don't think of myself as having transitioned at all, because I was always like this more or less, it's just that now I have a few more hairs on my face and a deeper voice and none of it feels unnatural or strange or "trans" it just is what it is and was always going to be... and that will always be contextualized by my sex– how could I go on denying myself that? And letting it fester like a wound... Oh and also I eventually realized it's just way more dope to be a high-value hairy jacked dyke who accepts myself but keeps doing my thang & not give a fuck than it is to be a desperate delulu self-conscious passing-obsessed little wannabe-man lol

[vorpalfae]

I'm just curious is there anything that you have in common with alice liddell to make you the "irl alice liddell" other than looking like her? I see it appearance wise but I was just wandering if you actually relate to her as a person/character...

Yes!! A big reason why she means so much to me is because I have so much in common with her & I've felt such a deep connection to her character ever since I played the first Alice game.

Trigger warning! some of our similarities include very sensitive topics 💜

we both were sent away to Asylums

we both were abused / mistreated at the Asylums

I also had a toy rabbit that i loved dearly but was taken away from me when we were thrown out of our home (along with a lot of my other childhood belongings)

we both have a sister named Lizzie

we both have been manipulated and made to believe we were insane by people we trusted. for her it was Bumby and for me it was my own mother, sadly.

we both have experienced psychosis or hallucinations

we both have been given medication / treatment against our will

we both have self-harmed

we both have experienced extreme grief and survivor's guilt as a result of a loved one dying while we somehow did not.

we both have PTSD & are haunted by our trauma/past.

both of us have memories that are so painful that our brain actually forgot about them. like alice i did recover my memories but i went through dissociative amnesia for years.

we both are fond of animals

we both had a sibling who was r*ped (except in my case the person who did it also r*ped me too)

we both have used opium as a vice (except my form of it was modern day heroin)

though i never actually received shock therapy I was almost forced to undergo it because i had lost my rights to refuse treatment by being deemed "incapable of making my own medical decisions" and was scheduled for ECT treatments against my will. I was so terrified by what the patients looked like who were coming back from ECT (scabs on there upper forehead, some of them who became my friends couldn't even remember who i was, one woman had forgotten what her own daughter looked like!) and because i was so scared i ended up climbing the fence to escape the hospital while we were outside for "yard time". i am still so grateful that i made the decision to escape and i succeeded. even though i have bipolar disorder, i was only 19 and was way too young for ECT. and i later found out that many patients had been mistreated and medically abused at that same hospital. some of them had even died under "mysterious circumstances" i also had other horrific things happen to me there.

shout out to McClean Hospital! also/formerly known as Somerville Asylum and Charlestown Asylum!! if you know anyone who has attended this hospital then they most likely have some horror stories to tell.

but yeah i'm sure i have a lot more similarities with alice. these are just the things i could remember off the top of my head. her character means the world to me. hence why alice: madness returns is my ultimate comfort game. i also truly love the aesthetics in the game itself. i love bugs, rabbits, cats, strange creatures, fantastical things, the victorian era in general. so so much of what is displayed in the game is directly similar to my personal interests or IS one of my interests lol. i could go on and on about my love for the game and my love for alice but i think this post is already quite long so perhaps i should end it here😊

[wellntruly]

Blogging, vol. v

I’m having surgery tomorrow. Why this is always happening in November is beyond me, but it sure is an aesthetically kind month to not work and be extra-grade cozy in soft knits, sipping soups, while outside it rains grey on amber.

Unlike my gum surgery last year, this one I had no idea was coming for me, and the weeks getting up to the point of finally knowing what was going to happen were, not to exaggerate, not good. It's odd that it's better now, since it was indeed something you don't want to find. But then you can start to process. Process, process.

I actually tend to do quite well with surgery, both as a concept and a thing to heal from, even before I spent my recovery from the previous one watching a 50 year old TV show about surgeons. I find the kind of pain engendered by things you need stitches about to be quite reasonable mentally; it hurts, it hurts there, for this reason, you have pills to dull it, and it will gradually heal. Simply “feeling sick,” or worst of all nauseous, that’s what can make me wonder what it’s all even for. Miserable, derogatory.

So the fact that it really seems a predominantly surgical approach is going to be most of what we need to take care of this problem has me almost overwhelmed with gratitude. It could have been far, far worse for me. But I have all the most treatable metrics for this, even being rather young for it has the silver lining of meaning I should heal well. And I’m so lucky to have a warm, funny, exceptionally skilled surgeon who actually went through the same thing when she was also my age, and that honestly, I’ve absolutely the Edward Gorey illustration body type to probably even end up looking pretty chic going down to just a bit of an A cup, which is what she's going to be able to do, not to bury the lede. Surprise top surgery, is what I’ve been calling it, and thank you to the boys for the re-contextualizing dream that is the phrase ‘top surgery’, a concept of such positivity; life-affirming, life-saving.

It is a strange, swift-approaching change to reckon with though, impossible to avoid that. I've always tended to dress as if I don’t even have the actually, admittedly, great boobs that I've had up til now, but it is still the body I know. I’ll roll onto my stomach in bed and think, for one that I soon won’t be doing this at all again for a while, and that when I do, it’s going to feel different. Fascinating to consider.

I'm leaning into a sort of Orlando-like curiosity about it, this vague physical transformation just spontaneously befalling me in my adulthood. How will this be. What sort of opportunities might this actually grant. I’ll be endeavoring to hardly ever wear a bra again, I’ll tell you that for certain. Should I use this as the push to finally get a bespoke suit, soft and wide-legged, with a jacket that can fall in just a clean draped line from my shoulders? Will I be able to wear suspenders? I think about watching Margaret Qualley in The Stars At Noon this summer, how I watched her just drop a loose sundress over her bare body, entirely backless, and walk out the door. I think, of course, of "Keira Knightley Atonement," as my inspiration board folder is called.

I’ve also been thinking about this blog, what I think Tumblr user sashayed once called her secret public journal. Sometimes what I or others will post can break into the very real & personal, like this, for the benefit that comes from just releasing, sharing the large challenging things in our lives. I think about a long-time mutual who posted about some of the strangeness she felt during hospitalization for an accident, how recalling some of what she wrote about has brought me a feeling of solidarity in this.

But there’s also how I’ve actually been blogging about this for weeks and weeks, it’s just only been for me. Another kind of secret public journal. This butterfly coming out of a row of cocoons in a window: this was for how I was, fully insanely yes, watching A Zed & Two Noughts while I was wracked with anxiety over what might be going on with my body, but/and the idea of emerging after this surgery new and striking and light. This is self-explanatory. This tiny-chested witch vaulting skulls is “literally me” goals this time next October. This was actually exactly, exactly my vibe getting my biopsy, with the sweetest nurses.

And now at last it all comes together, the public and private journal, on the eve of really what we’re all waiting for, oh god me for sure: the return of painkiller diaries. Painkiller diaries is a lifestyle, actually, it’s an ethos. I let myself so wholly rest after my gum surgery last year that the rest of November was the happiest I’d been in years. Please, again. Return to cashmere convalescence. And would you look at this beautiful soup sippin' mug I’ve gotten since then:

Oh I think we’re ready.

[mylittleredgirl]

favorite and least favorite parts of each trek, with absolutely no thought put into it before making this list:

🚀 classic trek favorite: the ~aesthetic~. fuckin LOVE big chunky plastic buttons and beepy things, the mini-skirts, the sparkly metallic fabric, the whole deal. least favorite: janice rand leaves forever :( :( every single appearance she had was BONKERS how am i supposed to experience that and then ever hope to fill that void 🪐 tng favorite: soooooo soothing to know that our guys will always be both kind and correct and at the end of the episode i will learn something about how to be a better person. also romulans are there. least favorite: shit fuck i shouldn't have started this post because i'm already drawing a blank. ok ok i hate that the ship's counselor role got nerfed into a "therapist on the bridge" when it's actually so so important!! that needed to be explored so explicitly that dudebros on the internet have to shut up about it forever ⚾️ deep space nine favorite: THE CHARACTERS MY FRIENDS. the cast of dozens where every single character right down to the randos on the promenade are great. headed up by benjamin lafayette sisko and kira nerys, truly characters of all time least favorite: dukat's insanity/pah-wraith arc. like i do get why this narrative parallel makes sense against sisko as the prophets' emissary but also, it's bad. 🥔 voyager (that's a leola root by the way) favorite: i LOVE the early seasons where everyone is so adorable and spunky and they're just tooling around the delta quadrant being terrible at making friends. also tuvok is there. least favorite: kes leaves forever :( :( i hear you out there saying "fury" but come here. look at me. look at me. kes leaves forever. 🛰 enterprise favorite: controversial actually but i love t'pol's arc. i DID NOT love it as it was airing because watching poor jolene blalock having to act her way through ever more demeaning episodes is painful and terrible, but t'pol is magnificent actually? the fish out of water vulcan finding herself in foreign waters?? self-destruction on the way to rediscovering her own personal relationship to logic??? imagine if we'd got three more seasons of her with manny coto in charge it would've been glorious. least favorite: can we PLEASE do something with hoshi and travis i am BEGGING. also physically painful what american jingoism did to captain archer but i might have emotionally coped with it better if travis got lines. 🍄 discovery favorite: michael burnham is the light of my life she makes me cry out emotions that have been buried since i was in utero i don't even know. also the changing opening sequence my beloved least favorite: need one of those serial killer string boards to figure out what's going on sometimes??? can't say that too loudly tho because the discovery haters can smell blood in the water 💃 short treks favorite: THE CONCEPT I LOVE THIS least favorite: more??????? :( 🥷 star trek picard favorite: seven of nine in comfy sweaters kissing a girl filled holes in my life i didn't know were there!!!?!?!?? least favorite: don't like when picard is a jerk :( don't like when no soji and elnor :( :( :( 🤪 lower decks favorite: every second is a relentless outpouring of love for star trek, it's like a sleepover where all your friends are sitting around talking about how much they love tng except your friends are 900% funnier. least favorite: i have a hard time with cartoon violence sometimes so i get TENSE and also badgey haunts my nightmares for real for real 👨‍🍳 strange new worlds - actually i have only seen the first episode despite posting about it as if i have seen all of it haha my bad SO favorite: new star trek to watch!!!!! least favorite: now everyone knows i haven't watched it yet and i am losing trekkie credibility babes 😬 👩‍👧‍👦 prodigy favorite: rok-tak my DAUGHTER least favorite: that feeling of being in a warner brothers cartoon and there's an anvil above all our heads with J/C DISCOURSE painted on it just waiting for the show to make a wrong move

i swear i must have forgotten at least one series there is so much star trek now??? anyway feel free to make your own post about this, i am curious!! if you absolutely MUST i suppose it's ok to think about your answers for more than 30 seconds.

[kenonade]

Achilles de Flandres! 2 (Favorite canon thing about this character?), 10 (Could you be best friends with this character? (assuming he wasn't gonna. y'know. kill you.)), and 14 (Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character) Very serious questions to be answered seriously. For science.

Thank you for giving me the floor to talk about THE Belgian Menace. I love him and (almost) everything about him.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

It’s impossible to pick one thing because practically every canon aspect of him I adore. So, in a list of no particular order: 1. His CHARM. The way he’s unaware of the true nature of his delusions but somehow aware enough to recognize that they’re something he should keep hidden, and the charisma that he exudes in the coverup. 2. The reason why he killed Dr. Vivian. Never has a character been characterized so succinctly and so well. OSC sure can write (sometimes). 3. “There should be more kindness and respect in the world.” AND LOOK WHO’S TALKING. HUH. HE’S INSANE. YOU’RE INSANE. HUH. HUH. HUH. 4. The fringe extremist group he spawned? I just think that’s neat. 5. Opening the door to the plane so he can force Petra to hold his hand; kissing, then killing Poke. His idea of love is fascinating. Something something the enmeshment of passion and pain and what that implies about his undocumented past. 6. Getting judo-flipped by Petra, being extremely collected about it, and then being convinced that it was all to demonstrate how Super Cool he is. Also love the fact that he’s easily judo-flip-able. What a small, frail, and insignificant man…

10. Could you be best friends with this character (provided he won’t kill you)?

If he doesn’t become a serial killer and if he somehow sees me as someone he can work with, then this is a tentative yes. I think we’d have great fun bonding over badmouthing other people. Not to mention, he seems funny. Otherwise, I probably wouldn’t be of the caliber for him spend time on me.

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

See, I have an inside joke with 🍬 that Achilles could be a fashion model, and, because of this, I’m often reminded of him when I see photos of androgynous high fashion runways from the 90s and 2000s. Not the type of modern high fashion that’s somewhat incomprehensible; specifically the type where it’s clothes that look REALLY expensive, things that exude luxury without being overtly opulent. It’s either this or grunge punk. Tattered converse and roughed up denim. He should look like he just escaped a movie adaptation of a young adult novel set in a toxic wasteland. Ashen smudges on the face necessary.

[hornyanimegirl]

I Promise myself, this is the last time

featuring . . . GETO SUGURU

warnings/includes . . . sexual content, angst, NOT PROOD READ so sorry if it makes no sense

notes . . . i genuinely have nothing to say but, im sorry for the horrible visuals, I have no idea how to be aesthetically pleasing so I apologize

“Babe hurry up I’m hungry” You were jumping up and down in the doorway of yours and Geto’s shared bedroom, waiting for him to get off the phone so you guys could go eat dinner. It was your two year anniversary and he was taking you to one of your favorite restaurants as a gift.

You didn’t want to seem like the type of person to get overly jealous and protective, but Geto has been spending a lot of time on the phone and outside of the house and it was unnerving. You had full trust in our boyfriend, a man you’ve had no problems with in the two years you guys have been together. So you reassured yourself that Geto was just busy at work like he said he was.

“Alright sweetheart lets go”

You didn’t want to open the door. Knowing exactly who was behind it, knowing exactly what that person wanted. The continuous knocks on the door physically pained you, because you knew that if they kept this up you would crack. All the progress you had made would shatter.

You tried to convince yourself that you weren’t a toxic girlfriend. That what you were doing was okay because you just needed to calm the doubt that you felt. But all those thoughts instantly left when you saw the text messages on Geto’s phone. 

He had been flirting with another woman all this time. He was sending nude pictures to another woman, and she was sending them back. You felt nauseous, you weren’t angry at him. No, you were just disgusted with yourself for trusting this man, for thinking that he could never do no wrong.

You didn’t know what to feel but utter disgust. The door to your shared bedroom had opened to reveal your boyfriend casually strolling in with nothing but a towel after a shower. When he looked up to see you he froze in shock. You had tears streaming down your face that you didn’t notice, his phone was in your trembling hands and he had already put the pieces together. You found out.

“Babe let me explain” his hands were up as if he as calming a rabid animal and the gesture made your face contort in disbelief. An animal, are you serious? Was that what he thought of you after all this time, a pet. Is that why he cheated on you, because he didn’t see you as nothing more then a play thing.

“Explain what that you’ve been cheating on me” you tried your best to sound as confident as you could, but trying to stand your ground against a person you trusted with your heart only for them to break it into pieces was harder then you thought it’d be.

“I know, I know, but I don’t really know what you want me to say” He didn’t know what to say? You should be the one stunned in shock, he should be the one begging for forgiveness, throwing out excuses. But I guess what did you expect from Geto. He has always been so calm and composed in tough situations like these, really what did you expect.

“I don’t know Geto, maybe why you cheated on me” your voice sounded breathless, and it felt like you had just run a marathon.

It was like seeing a ghost, a loved one had passed away a long time ago, a loss that took years for you to heal from only for them to stand infront of you again. You already knew Geto would be standing on your front porch, but the shock hit your body like a truck. You had prayed to everything, that it wouldn’t be him, that you wouldn’t have to face him.

But there he was in all his glory, your ex boyfriend. He didn’t look any different from the day you guys broke up. Insanely handsome, beautifully shark features, silky long hair in a half up half down style. He was truly breath taking, and you hated it. 

“What are you doing here Geto” it wasn’t the first time he has tried to show up at your house. Knocking on the door continuously, waiting for you to open it. On days like that you crawled under the covers of your bed, and listened to music blasting from your headphones. Too exhausted from the sleepless night previous.

“You know I’ve been trying to talk to you, I want you back. What I did back then was a mistake that I regret whole heartedly, you’re my one and only” you didn’t believe him, or more like you hoped you didn’t. The trust that was built upon being in a relationship for two years had collapsed, there wasn’t a sliver of trust left, not a brick left in sight. So why did your body yearn for him, for him to hold you and tell you everything would be okay? Why did you have to go through this?

You were quick to close the door, too emotional to deal with this bullshit, to deal with his bullshit, to deal with yours. But Geto had grabbed the door before it could fully closed, and let himself in. You turned your back to him, starting to walk away from Geto, hoping that he would get the hint and leave. But he was persistent, and wrapped his arms around your waist burying his head in your neck.

The familiar feeling of being wrapped in his arms, and his breath tickling in your neck almost made you submit to your longing. But it wasn’t worth getting hurt again, so you thrashed around in his arms, trying your best to pull his arms from around your waist. ‘Just let go’ you thought. ‘Please’

Geto spun you around to face him, and smashed his lips against yours, and you melted into his arms. You were so tired of trying to run away from the man who wouldn’t let you leave. So tired of trying to heal your broken heart, this will be the last time.

You and Geto had ended up naked in your bedroom, and he was already slipping himself inside you. Whispering sweet nothings into your ears, whispering how sorry he was for hurting you like he did. All you could do was moan, whine, and cry. Moan from the pleasure, whine from the stimulation, and cry from the betrayal to yourself. To the betrayal of your heart, to the promise that you would never submit no matter what.

So now you would make a new promise. A promise to yourself that this would be the last time you submitted the last tie you would be so vulnerable in front of someone who paid no regard to your feelings in the first place.

“I don’t know why I cheated on you, but it was a mistake”

The way he was so insensitive to your feelings that day was obvious in his unapologetic tone. That day was the worst day of your life. Watching someone you love and care about, walk out the door without turning back is the most heart wrenching feeling.

The amount of times you wanted to call out to him, call him and tell him that you take everything back, that you understand it was a mistake and you forgive him.

Never again. Because this time, as you screamed at Geto to get out of your house, to never come back. You didn’t want to call out to him, you didn’t want to scream for him to come back. You only hoped he never returned.

“This is the last time I promise”

[simple-seranade]

ship meme: nature wives!

oh yeah i’m sooooo normal about them *kicks my feet in the air like an excited schoolgirl*

but yeah, i love them.

1. What made you ship them?

Frankly, I blame the fan artists and fic writers. It was one of the more thriving ships when I joined the fandom and I just love their dynamic. A disaster witch who just wants to impress the cute princess who also has a giant axe. I love them. I don’t know much about them in season one of empires but they’re cute from what i’ve seen!

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

ok, first off, WLW. i will acknowledge that the fandoms i’ve been in just didn’t have many girl characters but the rep makes me all warm and fuzzy inside, specially with the ace rep from shubble and her characters.

ANOTHER REASON! they’re so sweet and care for each other so much… they’re hopelessly pining idiots and everyone wants them to kiss already but they’re oblivious to the other’s feelings,,, but they’re always by each others side no matter the pain they go through,,, plus the aesthetic,,, they’re just so cute. Plus the hurt/comfort potential,,, it’s so good,,,

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

not really in all honesty. i agree with most of the takes i’ve seen, i think. I do think they should get to go a bit evil together. A bit insane. As a treat.

[anantaru]

hum, sorry if i’m wrong yoru, but you mentioned once that you’re a professional ballet dancer, right? if i’m not mistaken (which if i am i am super sorry), would it maybe be alright if i asked you some questions about your routine/experience? like for example how often you practice, for how long, what is allowed during lessons and what isn’t, what hairstyles you’re allowed to wear, if you need to hold a certain weight— stuff like that :> ofc no pressure, i don’t want to be invasive!!/gen

hello, yes i am, my entire life 💕 hairstyles etc. during performances or shows is up to production and not us, (during training its up in a bun so it’s not getting in the way) we get our clothes chosen by them, for outfits they get our measurements sent prior by the company so you have to stay that certain size, we have fittings beforehand and there are adjustments made, mostly making it more form fitting so it won‘t annoy us while we perform. for training and rehearsals, it depends on the companies you‘re in, mine‘s very big and is around in a few countries so there is a certain standard to be upheld, we train everyday for about 9-13 hours depending, rehearsals are the whole day. we don‘t get time off only when off season or certain holidays such as christmas but not for long, i had a performance on christmas too once you never really know before it‘s being told to you.

it‘s hard and it doesn‘t matter if you‘ve been dancing all your life, not everyone gets picked or taken under contract by a company so many also do something on the side (like college) to have at least something if they aren‘t getting chosen. i won‘t say i was lucky, i dedicated my entire life for this art and i‘ve always been positively thinking too and i‘m very fortunate to be in this company, they demand a lot (which i understand since they are prestigious). and i love travelling, without my job i would’ve never seen this many places.

also currently, there‘s "balletcore"💀 as a new aesthetic and lmao, my friends and i find it hilarious because most doesn‘t apply to actual ballet dancers but it‘s always the same way, on the outside it appears glamorous and perfect and suddenly everyone wants to be a dancer because "it can‘t be hard", right?💀 but you do not realise all the hardships and pain that comes with it, it‘s nothing for weak mindsets and very competitive, you can get certain leads etc. taken from you if you are slacking, they don‘t really care. mind you i was modelling for a bit when i was younger and the jealousy between modelling vs. ballet is worlds apart, the competitiveness in ballet is insane but obviously there goes way more work into it that outsiders will never be able to grasp on, along my journey i saw many crumble on the pressure and it doesn‘t get better, if you want this you need to sacrifice a lot and work for it! 🩷 and i would never chose a different path, i‘m very fortunate to be able to have this job in my life, this is me 🧚🏻‍♀️

[nobodysdaydreams]

THE SI-5 WILL PAY FOR THEIR SINS IF I HAVE TO WRITE THE FIC FOR IT MYSELF! BLESSIE WILL BE AVENGED! (or my reaction to episodes 32-34 and mini episode 5 of Wolf359)

Sorry (again) for the delay, but I did warn you my schedule would be very inconsistent. Thank you everyone for your patience. At least I was able to finish these notes tonight.

Tagging the mutuals who got me invested in this, and if you want to be tagged or untagged from these posts, lmk, or you can follow my blog or simply follow the tag "#bods wolf359 reactions". Anyone who has followed me for a while knows my updates are inconsistent, so I apologize in advance for that and for any spelling/grammar mistakes in my posts.

@sophieswundergarten @oflightningandstars @acollectionofcuriousreblogs @herawell @commsroom

Episode 32: Controlled Demolition

I'm reacting to this while doing chores, so sorry if this is super brief. Hopefully it's not too plot heavy.

Have I mentioned I hate Kepler? Honestly the worst. I don't trust any of them.

Let's see...not a fan of Jacobi either. Of course I don't like Hilbert or his Decima project (which btw, it was very nice of the virus to not attack and kill Doug during his 100+ days alone in space without Hilbert keeping him stable). But Jacobi clearly doesn't know what he's doing, leave the dangerous chemicals alone!

Also the whole idea of Doug keeping someone on task...hilarious. Makes you wonder why Kepler REALLY gave him this assignment. Maybe to keep Doug distracted.

And then Maxwell. Looks like she has an interest in AI that's not entirely hostile, but at the end of the day, she's still working for the bad guys. When push comes to shove, she's gonna have to chose between Hera and Doug and Cutter and his errand boys. But I guess I hate her the least right now out of the three. She at least detected that Hera was in pain and is trying to do something. I hate to applaud someone for doing the bare minimum but that’s where we’re at I guess.

And Hera...you could have told Doug. He would understand. He's your friend.

I feel so bad for Hera. I just know they're gonna install some program in her that forces her to hurt her friends. It's only a matter of time.

Also, of course Kepler wants to play chess. That's the most villain thing ever, threatening someone over a chess board. Just once, I want to see a villain use a less ominous board game just to be funny. Like imagine Kepler with a nice Whisky in his hands mulling over a game of "Chutes and Ladders" or “Candyland”. It would be funny. Well at least Kepler embraces the villain aesthetic.

Though it's interesting: command doesn't know where the two years of Lovelace's life went. Or at least they claim. Now I'm curious. Was it the aliens? Is Lovelace a robot clone after all? Maybe Doug was right yet again!

A liability? Fire when ready? Oh my gosh is Jacobi gonna shoot Lovelace? Or Hilbert?

What was that?

Nice of Dr. Maxwell to make sure Hera wasn't in pain. But um...what did they just destroy on the Hephaestus? Another secret lab?

Oh my gosh. Just from the way Doug says the word "is". I've pause the episode but they better not have. THEY BETTER NOT HAVE.

If they did I'm gonna go insane.

NO.

THOSE BASTARDS.

USED TO BE?

BLESSIE DID NO HARM HE DIDN'T ASK TO BE CREATED! HE DIDN'T ASK TO BE BORN AND HE WASN'T PUTTING ANYTHING IN JEPORDY! HE WAS A GENTLE SOUL. 🥺

JACOBI AND KEPLER HAVE FORFITTED THEIR RIGHTS TO REDEMPTION ARCS. CUTTER'S ERRAND BOYS DESERVE NOTHING. 😠

Mixed feelings about Maxwell. At least she helped Hera but...she did it so they could kill Blessie. I still don't trust her.

"It's just business" WELL GUESS WHAT KEPLER? Maybe my business is about to become writing 500 fics where the plant monster eats you! How do ya like them apples?

You all knew this was coming didn't you? You, person reading this right now. You saw my love of the plant monster and hate for SI-5 and smiled to yourself. You've been waiting haven't you? Well dear readers. Here it is. I hope it was all worth it to you. Because for the rest of my Wolf359 reactions, I'm gonna have nothing but hate and contempt for Cutter's errand boys and their stupid chess games and inability to properly inspect a chemical lab.

Episode 33: Don't Poke the Bear

Yeah Hilbert, Doug is allowed to be mad at you. Just because there are worse devils in the world than you doesn't make you an angel.

Hey that's actually a pretty good quote. Good for me.

"You won't even know I'm here". You know Kepler, if you threw yourself out of the airlock, then you wouldn't be here at all, you plant murdering psychopath. I hope you drown in your own Whisky.

And stop talking. And slurping.

Never thought I'd support Hilbert, but Here. We. Are.

Kepler. What kind of childish power trip is this?

Oh ew. Jacobi. Maybe you can help Kepler out the airlock.

Wait...are they trying to tell them how to do this? ARE JACOBI AND MAXWELL BETRAYING KEPLER? Or is this all part of some grand scheme? Jacobi still shot Blessie, so even if he is helping them, I really don't care, and I don’t believe it.

Oh ew Kepler. You don't get to call Hilbert out. THAT'S MY JOB. You forfeited that right when you shot Blessie.

And stop pretending to care about Doug.

"Mr. Ballistics Dummy" okay Jacobi. "Mr. Errand Boy" it is.

Yeah Kepler seems pretty paranoid.

"I'd kill for five minutes in the achieves without red tape" "She's being metaphorical" ...why do I not believe that...

And Jacobi...you seem unusually calm and laid back about this. Why do I think this is all you trying to trap them?

"Just because we do awful things doesn't mean we have to like it". YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING. You're still morally responsible. Forgive me if a few tears shed over those you killed doesn’t cut it.

"This empty coffee cup outranks you" Kepler I hope one day your Whisky glass outranks you.

No decima research? Oh my goodness what a surprise! Command doesn't care about you Hilbert! Who could have seen this coming? Oh my gosh evil people stab each other in the back, I could have nevvvveeeerrrrr seen that one coming. 🙄

"He can be very...enthusiastic when it comes to guarding his secrets" Oh I bet.

THE WHISKEY SPEECH IS A ROUTINE SPEECH HE GIVES?

Kepler really is discount Cutter.

Ah...grand scheme it seems. I knew I was right to put Jacobi on my hit list. And Maxwell, it seems you're interested in joining the party. Welcome, welcome.

They didn't even deliver their letters? Man they are embracing the villain aesthetic.

"Kepler is manipulating you." Of course he is.

Solid advice Hilbert. "Don't trust me. But don't trust him either."

IT GREW HIS FINGERNAILS BACK?

Oh my. This is big. But then why does Cutter want to shut it down? Is he so against doing good that he won't do a good thing for society even if it will make him famous and considered a good guy for curing a ton of stuff? He really is the worst.

Episode 34: A Matter of Perspective

People need to be nicer to Doug. He has the least blood on his hands. And every time Jacobi and Kepler talk I lose brain cells. "I do evil but it's necessary" yeah, except it's not. It's literally not. What's wrong with you?

I don't care about the stupid superpowered three-legged pig.

Oh my gosh HE IS STILL GOING.

...

He can't even remember the punchline. Pathetic.

More music! 🎶🎶🎶

...They have board games?

Ugh. Pryce and Carter again. "The existential terror that is funzo."

Why is that in the manual? And if it is, why bring it to space? This raises so many questions.

Well at least it's not chess. Though it's no "Chutes and Ladders". Or “Candyland”.

Have I mentioned I hate SI-5 yet? Poor Doug.

Oh my gosh is this more funzo? Is the game even real?

"Hidden inwardness card"? "Time Vortex?" What sort of old-timey board game is this? Loyalty round? Wheel of ages? Sunken Idol? Celestial Steps?

At least Hera seems to like it. Did they bring it for the AIs? To keep them entertained?

WHAT IS THIS GAME. 😂

IS HILBERT THE REF? 😂 Oh my gosh he is being tortured.

Okay Jacobi and Kepler have history. But here's the thing Jacobi. There's a difference between a coach that pushes you to do your best on a football team, and a known murderer who pushes you to become a murderous psychopath.

WHY DO YOU TRUST HIM WITH YOUR LIFE JACOBI? He's crazy. Nutso. Why would you blow up Doug for him?

Oh. A forbidden picture of Doug. Maybe that's private. It does make me wonder about his past though...

"Reality Storm".

...ooohhhh... the "Golden Loyalty Card". How fancy.

I hope Pryce and Carter had fun designing the game. Sound like they really had a good time with it.

"I never wanted to be up here in space" well, then WHY ARE YOU HERE? WHY ARE YOU GIVING IT EVERYTHING?

"Kepler is gone" oh that's such a stupid cop out. "The old me died" nah, you're still here you're just making terrible life choices.

"Jacobi's a smart man" No, not really.

Oh great the pig joke.

Hahaha...that's not funny you psycho. That's not funny at all. It’s also clearly a metaphor for them. A slow death doesn’t make it any less of a murder.

Oh there's more? Is it just me or are the episodes getting longer.

It's his birthday again! And Christmas! Well, this is nice. They remembered this time. 🥰

"The same thing I do every night. I get older". Don't we all Doug. Don't we all.

Mini Episode 5: Long Story Short

What is the Argentinian incident?

Well I guess we'll never know.

Oh flashback land.

Yikes Kepler really seems to like to tell stories. HE HAD A FUNK BAND? HABERDASHERS? WHAT?

Well I guess even cold hearted villains need hobbies. Charges of insider trading? Saw Maxwell's feet? Okay that one was weird. What's out there in the woods? "I don't remember anything from 1987?" ...why are these silly stories getting more ominous.

Is that it? Yikes that really was short. Really short did I miss something? Okay, well I guess that's it.

Kepler should have stayed with his funk band. Maybe then he wouldn't be on my airlock launching list.

Thanks for reading dear readers. See you soon!

[skellymom]

hello, i noticed you have "elder goth" written in your bio and im like. an infant bat. do you have any tips on anything (music, makeup, clothing, ect?

(srry if this sounds awkward, im just a very nervous person)

Whew! I DIDN'T FORGET YOU!!! It was an INSANE weekend at work...and I'm burnt. Plus, I like to write my fics and answer asks at my desktop computer and not my phone (fat fingers are clumsy).

Ahem...ok for the Goth Thing:

It's really just about the music. That's it. I mean SO MUCH has evolved and developed since the first wave of that "genre" music appeared on the scene back in the 1970's (Post Punk) underground. Even some bands labeled as Goth now didn't see themselves as such back in the day.

This next list has a lot of good Goth music, with some songs not necessarily in that genre, but close enough that MANY in the community love them. And, some of them showed up before the movement even started (a few after to help with it's evolution), but definitely helped to establish the genre later on (ahem...David Bowie). Btw Marilyn Manson is NOT Goth. However, a LOT of us still love his music as it fits with our dark aesthetic...and remember when I mentioned David Bowie? Well, I am quite sure he helped inspired Marilyn Manson. His Mechanical Animals album certainly looks as it was influenced by Bowie. But, I digress, again... This is just a start on your musical journey...a stepping stone.

People will tell you that if you don't dress or present physically a certain way that you aren't Goth. NOPE. You can dress dark and spooky and edgy but not be Goth. You can dress like a pink princess or "normie" and be Goth at heart. When us older Children of the Night were coming up we did a LOT of DIY (do it yourself) and wore a lot of things you might not consider even Goth. There wasn't the depth, breadth, and easy access of things available on the market like today. We were poor, felt different, non conformist, and just looking for community. That's another hallmark of being a Goth: community. Because back in the day someone might do a violence on you for looking weird (Wearing all black back in the day was seen as extremely socially deviant. ESPECIALLY in small town US or conservative UK/England. People literally were afraid of or hated us. Our brethren: The Punks, Rastafarians, Metal Heads, Rappers, New Wavers (prejudice was doubled if you were a person of color, a different sexuality/gender, poor, etc.) experienced the same thing in society. Then came along The Satanic Panic and OH SHIT what a pain in the ass that was! And The "Moral" Majority crap...) I digress: we were looking for people like us, BUT THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO LOOK EXACTLY LIKE US. Just a bunch of nice, supportive people who got together to listen to music, dance, support the local bands/talent, and try to make it another day. You will find this in the FANDOM, LGBTQ+, and Communities of Color as well...and they overlap.

The presentation is secondary and up to you on how you want to look. You can do it up the max or just be simple in black. My favorite person from back in the day, who really doesn't specifically identify as Goth, but hung heavily in the scene back in the day: Neil Gaiman. The guy who gave us the character of Death from The Sandman Series, published as I was coming into my own Baby Bat phase (based on a real person named "Cinnamon"). Yeah...the character everyone aspires to look like (next to Siouxsie Sioux). He wears just plain black clothes and a long black coat. (Pic of him as a youngin')

Me, I go for "Lazy Goth". Everything black (even at work-black scrubs) with occasionally printed tee or a dark jewel toned piece of clothing. Usually I also mix in the Punk aesthetic too (I love the music and put patches on every damned thing). Punk is scruffy and imperfect, not fussy. I like comfort and ease of dressing. Especially in hot weather. And, I don't do a lot of face makeup, especially being older. Plus, I rather like my olive toned skin. Not every Goth needs to be pale. Google Goth People of Color. Beautiful and amazing looks.

Beware of Gatekeepers. Gothier Than Thou's. Don't let them crush your spirit. There is room in this subculture for everyone. If a particular club, group, or individual sets that tone, just move on. That shit ain't worth it.

Dropping a quote from my (sort of) GothFather creative Neil Gaiman:

"Go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here. Make. Good. Art."

This can also be read as the journey to "create" yourself. You are on a journey, my sweet Child of the Night. It will take a while to find your stride, whatever that is, and that's totally ok. Spread your bat wings and FLY!

Leaving you with one of my favorite songs: