#Abortion Fic

[jdeanmorgan]

👀👀 abortion fic 👀👀

carl is trans. its the apocalypse. he knows the most likely way for him to get access to abortion is through negan, so he agrees to start working for negan / become a savior in exchange for an abortion. that's about all i have planned so far. that fic isn't as developed as i'd like. i literally just started it on a whim 2 days ago bc i was bored and needed to flex the writing muscles.

[dadzawa-adopt-dabi]

What If Secret Baby/River Run

If Dabi had gotten the abortion.

Let’s take a look at how i see things going if Dabi did get the abortion he tells Hawks he will get in River Run/Secret baby.

It’s a breath of relief and a horrible secret at the same time. Touya hates the fact that he went with what his mother wanted. What his sister supported, what he told Hawks he would get. He wants to scream and throw it in his fathers face. Every time a marriage is brought up. Every time time the idea of attaching himself to someone for forever like his mother and the subject of kids comes up. 

Touya can’t bring himself to hide much anymore. He dresses in darker clothes, stops wearing the things his mother picks out. They don’t talk about it. About Touya being sexually active, about the baby. She’s colder to him and all Touya can do is think of when his eyes were burning with unshed tears as she told him she never wanted him. It starts an angry burning in his gut he can’t get rid of. He can’t look at her and see his mother or someone who loves him. He gets a leather jacket his father hates. Enji burns 3 of them before he gives up. What does Touya even care about at this point? It’s not his money, his old man is burning out of stubborness. He dyes his hair black. Rei screams and rages. Enji slaps him and bleaches it out the same night he comes home.

Touya can’t stand staying there. It builds and builds. Talk going over his head about families and how much Touya is worth as a bride. He pulls the fake ID out he hasn’t used in months. Fuyumi runs after him as he walks out the door at midnight. She tries to command him to stay home, stay inside. 

Touya shakes off the alpha command with hardly a thought, hopping the fence and flipping his twin off as he continues on his way. He looks easy, like a slutty Omega. Touya doesn't care and can’t come up with an argument on why he isn’t. He just wants to get his back blown out by a Alpha and he looks like it.

Hawks' image dances at the edge of his vision as he dances and grinds. Hands slip under his shirt, finding the new piercings he’s been hiding and Touya leans his head back onto the stranger's shoulder. The hand that’s gripping his hip is tight, the nails a little too sharp. Touya leans into it. Drunk and smiling softly at the blond familiar Alpha behind him. Turns out the stranger is a Alpha Touya knows Very well, the scent of mint and citrus make him start to purr drunkenly.

Hawks hands graze over his stomach and Touya winces. Drunk bubble of content popped. Hawks knows who Touya is now, knowns about the abortion as well.

“Back again already Todoroki?” He whispers in his ear. Hawks smells just as drunk and between the safe feeling and how drunk Touya is he doesn't even flinch at his surname. Just frowns before pulling Hawks down for a messy kiss. 

“Don’t call me that. Don’t like my last name.” Touya slurs distractedly as Hawks starts tugging him out of the club.

He stumbles a few times but so does Hawks.

“Maybe you should stick around for once then. Give me the chance to change it.” Hawks retorts as they walk down the street. “I know I’m not top Hero material, at least not yet but I’m a hard worker Touya. People like you couldn’t get it, But I want you anyway spoiled rotten Omega.”

Hawks pauses outside his door fumbling with his keys. Touya jerks them out of his hands with a snort. Drunker and smaller than Hawks who lets him hip check him out of the way. A moment later the door swings open and Touya nearly falls inside. 

“Shut up and fuck me Hawks. Didn’t come here for you to try and sweet talk another kid into me. Or promise some bullshit happy ending for me. You want me? Buy me from my father like any other Alpha. It’s what he’s gonna do to me anyways.” Touya let out a drunk laugh. It wasn’t funny, even Touya knew that. Touya at that point couldn’t have told someone why he was laughing if they promised him the world on a string.

“Bet.” Hawks whispered as they tumbled into his bed again. Letting Touya lose his mind and forget all the problems waiting at home as hawks nibbled on piercings, Knotting him at the same time as Hawks laid a deep claiming bite onto Touya’s scent glands. Touya let out a shriek as he came around Hawks knot again and his eyes rolled back into his head. Going limp on the bed, purring in his sleep as Hawks knotted his limp form and licked at Touya’s new bond mark.

[lemon-trees-on-mercury]

I have this man to thank for any woman ever being attracted to me for my entire young life. Mashallah funky fox dude

[exhuastedpigeon]

it hurts to hope for more

Evan Buckley x Eddie Diaz Mature || 15k

“I’m never - I’m never going to be a dad,” Buck sobs into Eddie’s shoulder. “She didn’t want kids. Why do I keep dating people who don’t want the same things as me? Is- is the universe telling me that I don’t deserve it?” “Hey, no,” Eddie pulls back from the hug and Buck lets out a pitiful sound at the loss of contact. “The universe doesn’t do that. The universe doesn’t scream and it definitely doesn’t get to tell you what you deserve, because you deserve everything Buck. Everything.” OR Buck wants to be a dad, it takes a couple break-ups and a major non-romantic heartbreak for him to figure out that maybe he already is.

2023 was a weird year for Buck. Maybe one of the weirdest years he’s had in his 30 plus years on earth, if he’s being honest with himself. He died, he lived, he delivered a baby that was biologically his but not his in any other way, he pulled most of his team - his family - out of a bridge collapse, and he finally met someone who he can see himself with long term if things keep on their current trajectory.

Natalia is the first woman that Buck’s dated since Abby that makes him feel seen, that makes him feel like a better version of himself. But unlike with Abby, Buck has other people in his life that also make him feel loved and seen, so he’s less dependent on Nat for all of his emotional support. If he’s being honest, he’s kind of avoiding relying on her for too much emotional support since he doesn’t want her to think he’s needy. 

Honestly, for a guy who was dead for just over three minutes four months ago, he’s doing fucking great. 

He’s doing so great that getting a picture of a tiny baby laying on one of those mats with ‘one month’ circled and a gummy little smile wearing a tiny firefighter onesie that he’d given them as a gift, it doesn’t break his heart. In fact, the picture from Connor just makes Buck grin at his phone. 

Continue on ao3

[slutforstabbings]

just once i'd like to see a pregnancy fic where the happy ending is the relief the characters feel after the abortion lol. just once.

[averagebsdenjoyer]

dottore fans are so funny bc wdym "y/n has terrible nightmares so Zandik spends the night with them, craddling their head in his lap until they fall asleep🥺🥺" or "dottore is mean to everyone but has a soft spot for you" Dottore would literally call y/n a slur and spit in their grave after putting them in said grave. He is absolutely feral, this man is NOT for relationships and love, he probably thinks the cl!t is a myth to fuck with men's self esteem (greatest doctor my ass, he can't even hold a crying baby without shaking the little sperm for "experience")

[the-common-cowgirl]

Greater of Two Evils - Part 4

Summary: Reader makes a decision and goes home only to be met with a new type of monster.

Rating: Mature

Pairing: Dark! Modern Aemond x Reader

Warnings: DD;DNE, Manipulation, PTSD elements, talks of abortion, pro-life/pro-choice debate, cursing

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: This chapter is HEAVY. I apologize in advance. It’s uncomfortable, however, essential to this fic. Sorry in advance!

Masterlist

The apartment felt cold when you arose from your disturbed slumber. With an aching body, you had pulled yourself from the bed and searched the rooms for a sign of life; There was none. Aemond must have left, which meant this was your chance to slip out of his apartment and go back to your shared apartment with your brother without an immediate objection from Aemond. Or maybe, you’d just catch a flight or train and get out of Drone completely; go back home to your parents. The enticing idea danced around your mind for quite some time. You stared at the hardwood floors in contemplation.

Would he chase me all the way home?

Would he ruin my family?

Would he ruin my brother?

You found, rather unregretfully, each of your prior fears were becoming less prevalent in the wake of understanding that you were in true danger. Dorne wasn’t safe for you; not with your brother and not with Aemond. At least in the Riverlands, your father and mother could protect you. Save you from your brother’s wrath; and Aemond’s. 

Your eyes lit up with a newfound vigor and you set to work bagging up what little belongings you brought, calling an uber to your location and buying plane tickets for Riverrun. You were out of that apartment before Aemond could return and although it was lost on you, there was a vase of 8 red roses with a card that simply read “Stay” on the counter in the kitchen. You hadn’t noticed it…unfortunately.

Your plane landed late into the night and you were grateful your father was still waiting for you at the airport. His arms were spread wide, his smile genuine as he embraced you in a warm hug. You missed this, you missed genuine kindness from men; however, the last few years living with your brother and the last month or so knowing Aemond had left you a bit scarred, marred with trepidation, making you pull from the hug quicker than you’d like. Your father noticed, you could tell by the sideways smile that had appeared on his face.

“Hey dad,” you offered a tired smile while taking a step back and grasping the straps of your bookbag. 

Your father reached around you and took the bookbag from your trembling hands. “Traveling light, my little trout?” He put a hand on your back and the contact made a phantom wave of chills go through you, making you grimace as you began to walk out of the airport and toward the small parking lot of this two terminal airport. 

“Yeah, just wanted to see you guys while we were on break.” You forgot how cold it could get this far North and wrapped your arms around yourself.

“Weird time to have a break in University.” He commented but didn’t pursue. “How’s your brother, we never hear from him anymore.”

Your eyebrows furrowed and you continued to look at the ground as you walked, “What? I thought he was sending some money each month and-”

“Your mom told him to stop that a few years back, made her feel greedy. No, after he quit sending money, we hadn’t heard from him. I guess he’s real busy down there in Dorne?”

You nodded, trying to understand why your brother would lie about something so small as sending money each month to help your parents pay the bills.

“Don’t mention it to your mom. Makes her upset. I was just wondering-”

You nodded again as you two reached the car. You hopped in the passenger’s side as your father started the vehicle. “So he’s not even talking to you guys anymore?”

Your father shrugged, as he backed out of the parking space. “Nope. Your mother thinks he’s just busy is all.”

Your father had always been a terrible liar and you just caught a hint that he didn’t necessarily believe what your mom did. You wouldn’t push the issue yet.

“How are you guys doing on your bills if I might ask?”

Your father rolled his eyes, “That’s nothing that should concern you.”

“I’m an adult, I can handle it-”

“Hey, I was talking to Mrs. Tully the other day,” he changed the subject, “And she said that there will be an opening for an Early Education Teacher at the start of the next school year if that’s something you’re interested in?”

Your heart dropped, you hadn’t told him your brother forced you to change majors. Your dream of being a teacher for littles crushed. You swallow your self pity and lie to your father, “Thanks dad, I’ll talk to her.”

The drive home is filled with more small talk, mainly your father telling you the gossip of small town life. Who married who, who’s cheating who, and who died. You remind yourself that this is why you took a chance on Sunspear and moved in with your brother but then again, the gnawing feeling of ‘I brought this upon myself’ creeps back up into your throat and you have to remind yourself that you’re a victim and you are not the bad person or persons here.

The victim guilt doesn’t seem to leave you, even when you pull into your childhood driveway. 

Stepping through the threshold of the house, it smells like chocolate oatmeal cookies and home; you feel tension leave your body and finally smile.

Your mom comes around the corner with oven mitts on and you laugh, rushing to embrace her. “Oh my darling,” she says into your hair, “I’ve missed you so much.”

And that’s how the reunion goes, late into the night, catching up at the kitchen table, eating cookies when all three of you should be sleeping. It feels good to be home but you are awaiting the inevitable and it happens an hour in.

“I know you’re not on break,” your mom starts. She could never be fooled, even when you and your brother were kids, lying about who hit who first; it was always you…even when it wasn’t. Okay, maybe it was only you that couldn’t fool her. “Why are you here in the middle of the semester?”

You looked down to your cup of tea, it had gone cold with very little left in the mug. Could you really tell them, did you have a choice?

“Does it have something to do with that gash on your head? Or the wrapping around your wrist?”

You nodded, sighing a shaking breath. “That’s part of it.” Your voice was small, like when you were a kid taking your brother’s punishment.

“What’s the other part?” Her voice was stern and soft, coaxing the truth you could never hide from her, out.

“I-um- I-” How could you tell them? How could you explain to them that you’re pregnant? How would they react? Your body shook with anticipation and anxiety.

Your father put his hand on your back and you felt cold chills again. “It’s okay, it's okay to tell us.”

No it isn’t. You two will not understand. How could you understand? Is it not enough to have lived it but now I have to recount what fucking happened to me? I have to speak out loud the atrocities sinned against me by my own brother and a fucking demon of a human when I myself, havent even come to terms that I’ve been wronged? How can you understand when I don’t even understand?!

And so, the root of your pain fell out of your mouth without your brain deciphering your words, “I’m pregnant.”

Your father sighed deeply, your mother sat back in her chair, you continued staring at the little bit of tea left in the bottom of your mug; hoping the little bit of residue left from the tea bag would tell you something uplifting or helpful like the ancient art of tea leaves reading. Then the irony donned on you and you almost laughed.

Here I am, looking for comfort in my tea instead of my own parents. I had to leave Dorne for tea?

“Well,” your mother spoke up, “who’s the father?”

You nearly laughed again, “Someone you don’t know.”

“Is he willing to help you with-”

“I don’t want to keep it.”

Your mother scoffed, “You don’t have a choice in that now do you?”

Your eyes lifted from the cold cup to your mother’s eyes, warm and inviting; deceitful. “I do, actually.”

“Oh you do?” Maybe in Dorne but not in the Riverlands-”

“Then I’m not staying here, I’m going back to Dorne. I just wanted to let you guys know before I-”

“Before you murdered my grandchild?”

Your father scolds your mother for being so harsh with a hand lifted from the table, her name and shaking his head and there you are again, feeling like you brought this on yourself.

Why did I even come here?

“Does your brother know,” your father asks, breaking you from your trance of self-loathing.

You shook your head; unable to speak. Staring down at the tea again.

“What’s your plan? Drop out of school and move here? You could work at the elementary school as an aide until you finish your degree here?” Your father’s voice is kinder than your mother’s but not any less incessant.

“I don’t- I think I’m done. I can’t afford it.”

Your mother shifts into the table, closer to you and suddenly you feel put off by this proximity. “Well, that’s fine. You can get a job here, we will help pay for medical expenses and the baby’s care. If-” she starts, grabbing one of your hands with both of hers, they’re warm. “If you don’t want this baby after you give birth- that’s fine. I’ll accept full legal guardianship, no questions asked. But please, don’t rob us of a grandchild. Don’t be this person. You always loved kids, that’s why you went into early education.” She pauses, looking across the table to your father with tears in her eyes. “But give yourself the chance to look at your baby and make that decision.”

You chuckle, a tear falling from your eyes. “Yeah mom, but what if the eyes looking back at me are his?”

As always, comments, reblogs and likes are always appreciated but never necessary!

Taglist: @croatianprincess @toodlesxcuddles @drwstarkeyy @gemini-mama @iloveallmyboys @boofy1998 @ammo23 @zenka69 @lokiofasgard12 @moonlightfoxx

(Bold means I cannot tag you) Comment or message me to be added to the taglist! Sorry if I missed anyone!

[soupbtch]

ummm. my fic is done.

[striving-artist]

Technically this is because I saw it in fiction I was reading, but considering the devolving state of American reproductive rights…

A pregnancy is measured in weeks from your last period, not weeks since The Sex™ So in general if you have a 28 day cycle, you ovulate around day 14, have had sex before or around that date, and implantation happens about 9ish days after conception. Some at home pregnancy tests, sometimes, if you’re lucky and your hormones are high, can give a positive reading 3 days after implantation. That would be day 26 of your cycle.

So you’re thinking to yourself, ok, at that point, you’re a few days, maybe a week pregnant, right? Wrong.

If you do all that, are trying to get pregnant and are testing obsessively, and find out earliest possible day, you would be 3w 5d pregnant. Most people don’t test until a missed period plus a couple days. Let’s call it five days late. That person tests, and finds out when they are almost 5 weeks pregnant.

Now lets be realistic. Lots of people don’t have textbook 28 day cycles.

Let’s say you have an average of a 35 day cycle but it’s unpredictable. You’ve got a healthy sex life. You miss your period, wait five days bc you know your cycle is wacky, go get a test on day six after work, and test first thing in the morning (when they tell you to test). You would be 6 weeks pregnant and would already be ineligible for an abortion in some states. You probably have no symptoms or indication other than a late period. Early pregnancy symptoms look a hell of a lot like PMS. It isn’t a movie; you don’t get a clear indicator.

Pregnancy math isn’t measured from implantation or conception. It’s called gestational age, and it’s the infamous Forty Weeks in your head about pregnancy. It’s also why sometimes you go to 42 weeks or later, because the baby isn’t done, because ovulation wasn’t in week 2, it was in week 4. Yes, doctors sometimes adjust dates and estimates after you start ultrasounds. But this weird math is what lots of the strict abortion bans are based on.

In your head, unless you know this already, hearing someone talk about a six week abortion ban sounds like someone had six weeks after sex to notice the pregnancy and make a decision. They didn’t. They might have had a couple days. They may have not even known they were late when they already crossed the line.

If you want to argue about this issue, write about this, protest, scream, pray, whatever; start by knowing what it actually means, and go from there.

(Sorry it’s in red, I’m on mobile)

[steviebears]

Eddie when you accidentally get pregnant

a/n: I made this in response to the overturning of Roe vs Wade in the US right now. Abortion is a necessary medical procedure that deserves to be an option for everyone who can get pregnant. Abortion can be hard, as illustrated here, but it still is such an important option for people to have. If you are sensitive to abortion please be cautious of this. TW for morning sickness as well.

You roll out of his arms and off the bed, darting to the bathroom with a hand over your stomach. Eddie gets up, concerned, and stands at the doorframe.

You kneel down and throw up into the toilet, feeling suddenly unbelievably sick.

"Woah, babe-" He says rushing over to rub your back. Eddie gets up after you finish only to get you a glass of water and sits with you on the floor as your stomach starts to mellow out.

You had written it off as a sickness you caught somehow, but after you got sick for a third time, Eddie began to wonder.

You became tired, sort of weak. You hadn't even noticed that you'd missed your period until Eddie brought it up, he thought you might've gone too long without one.

He approaches with two pregnancy tests in hand, a tender look on his face.

"You've been moody, too." He ends his explanation with, lightheartedly laughing over the recent time you cried because you dropped your sandwich on the floor. You playfully glare at him but your expression turned worried. What if you really were pregnant? You didn't even want to think about what that would mean for you two.

You sat on the floor of the bathroom with your head on Eddie's chest, anxiously waiting for the timer to go off. You bite your nail and had a terrible feeling in your stomach.

When the timer does go off, you both turn over the tests in your hands to see two lines; positive. Your watery eyes have to do a double take, having a hard time believing it was true. You look up at Eddie with a heartbreaking look on your face. Eyebrows furrowed and lip quivering. Your tears finally spill over when you see him looking back down at you.

"Hey, hey." He says softly, cupping your face in his calloused hands.

"It's going to be okay. Nothing to cry about." He says with a reassuring tone, wiping your cheeks with his thumbs.

That night you lied awake, staring into the ceiling. You knew he was awake. His breathing was still somewhat fast and uneven.

"I don't want it." You blurt out. You had agreed to talk about it the next day, but you couldn't keep it to yourself anymore. Eddie turns to his side to look at you. You make a genuine frown, starting to think about what that meant. You both sit in silence for a moment.

"Do you want an abortion?" He finally asks. He would be lying if he said he didn't care. He did, and it was beginning to weigh on him a bit.

"Does that make me a bad person?" Your voice breaks as you hand ghosts over your lower stomach, immediately retracting your hand back to your side.

"Of course not." Eddie didn't understand the feelings you were having, but he was trying his absolute best to. He never wanted you to feel like a bad person- especially not for doing what is right for you with your own body. You turn to your side to face him back.

"Really?" Your voice breaks to a whisper. He reaches over to move some hair from your face and nods.

The car ride to the clinic was quiet, but not uncomfortable. He held your hand as long as he could until you had to part ways for the procedure. He kissed you goodbye and waited anxiously in the lobby for you, trying to distract his mind by reading the various girly magazines on the side table.

When he was allowed in to see you, his heart broke a little seeing you in that gown with a tired look on your face. You hadn't been sedated or anything, but the stress of the whole situation finally caught up to you. The minute your hand was in his, you couldn't keep the tears down anymore and they spilled free.

"Hey, hey. You're okay, we're okay. It's all okay." He reassures you with a squeeze of his hand. You sniffle and nod, feeling terrible about the actual relief you felt. He makes you laugh by telling you about the articles he'd read and before you knew it, he was helping you into his van.

The cramps were the worst part. It wasn't that they were all that bad, it honestly just felt a little worse than a period. It was just a constant reminder of what you'd just gone through.

Eddie's warm hand lied on your stomach, your head in his chest. You take a deep breath, trying not to overthink the situation. But you just couldn't help feeling terrible about it.

"I'm sorry." You say quietly, as if you weren't really expecting Eddie to hear it. His eyebrows furrow and he turns to you with a questioning look. He doesn't need to say anything to get you to explain further.

"I didn't even ask what you wanted, I'm sorry. It was your baby too." You start to cry for what must've been the thousandth time with week.

"It's your body, babe. You made the right decision, nothing I said could change what is best for you, best for us." You sob into his chest and clutch his shirt at the pain. He rubs your back and holds you tight.

[nickfowlerrr]

waiting

pairing: dark!andy barber x curvy!reader

warnings: 18+ only. angst angst angst. mommy issues. mentions of pregnancy. allusion to thoughts of abortion (this blog is firmly pro choice btw). self loathing. everyone is just really mean to poor reader. ☹️. oh and a mention or two of mr. ransom drysale 😶 if i’m missing something important pls feel free to let me know.

words: 5.3k

notes: i’ve had this fic in my wips since july and finished since the beginning of this month, i just never posted it lol but i’m so excited to share it finally. this definitely isn’t for everyone and really was just an indulgent write but if you do read this, i hope you enjoy the angst. comments and reblogs are more than welcome and appreciated. i’d love to hear what you think. thank you for reading 🖤

The flickering light in the nearly empty emergency room was unsettling. Your mind was taunting you as you sat in the waiting area, the chair beneath you growing harder and more uncomfortable with each passing minute.

You had jinxed yourself.

Cursing your fate mere hours ago and dwelling on how horribly things were going lately, thinking it couldn’t possibly get any worse.. Of course, it could.

In all honesty, you didn’t really know why you were here. Maybe just as an excuse to try and avoid the inevitable.

Maybe it was some sick sense of guilt hanging over you..

A part of you now desperate to remember the sense of comfort you could find in her - even if only for a few moments. As hard as you’ve tried these last 24 hours, you just couldn’t seem to remember what it felt like. You started to wonder if there was really anything to remember at all. But there had to be, right? She was your mother. There had to be. And then your phone rang. You didn’t let yourself think before you told whoever was on the other end that you would be there soon. You just called an Uber and went right down. Now here you were.

Whatever it was that drove you here - fear, guilt, obligation, a need for reassurance - that maybe this all wouldn’t be so bad, it brought you to this moment. Waiting with baited breath for your name to be called, for someone to escort you to her room, to finally see the damage she had done with her refusal to help herself. You felt bad, though you knew you shouldn’t. The damage she had done to you could be seen every time you looked in the mirror.

Stare too long at your reflection and you're lost again to the darkness that has managed to follow you all your life. You felt hollow a lot of the time, but the more apt word would be numb. Because you weren’t hollow by any means. No, you were full to the brim with hurt and anger and despair. You didn’t like feeling that. So numbness was better.

Just try to forget. Don’t let your mind sit in silence for too long. It was prone to wandering. And so were you. Maybe that’s why you were in the position you were now. You could never let yourself be content. Always searching, always reaching for something more. Something that could finally make you feel. Force you to feel. You just didn’t realize that it would lead you to him. That anyone could ever make you feel as much as he did. That you could ever feel like this.

The flickering of the light was bad, but the seemingly deafening silence was worse.

Until it wasn’t.

The entrance door slid open and you vaguely heard the footfall of whoever had just entered approaching behind you while the chilling breeze from outside came rushing in with them.

The shadow loomed over you and you didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. The creaking of the old chair as he sat directly behind you was irksome, as was his unwanted presence. Maybe if you just pretended he wasn’t there, you wouldn’t have to deal with him right now. Maybe he’d just go away for tonight. Maybe he’d be kind enough to leave you alone.

You could have scoffed out loud at yourself.

Kindness wasn’t really his thing. Not lately. And if you’d learned anything these past six months it was that the times you most wished he’d leave you be, were the times he was sure not to.

Waiting for him to move or speak or to do something, anything at all, was even more frustrating and did nothing to help settle the anxiety that was already turning your stomach. You couldn’t take the silence a moment longer. You spoke with your back to him.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’ve been calling you all night,” he responded without answering your question. You could hear the edge in his tone and it only served to piss you off. He had the audacity to be upset when he knew what was going on. You weren’t stupid enough to just not show up when he expected you at his place, you texted him and told him where you’d be and why. It wasn’t like you were hiding from him. At least not in a way he could prove.

“Yeah, well, I've been a little preoccupied.” you said harshly. Biting your lip as you instantly regretted your tone. Not that he didn’t deserve it, but you couldn’t deal with the repercussions you’d get for it from him right now. You were already on the verge of breaking completely.

“Sweetheart,” he leaned forward in his chair as he spoke, voice hard, getting even closer to you as if his presence wasn’t already all together suffocating.

“I’m sorry,” you muttered. “I’m sorry, I just- I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here. I’ve been waiting since I texted you. They won’t let me back there.”

Truthfully, you were more upset about the news you’d gotten yesterday than you were about the wait - you weren’t even really sure you wanted to go back there. Their ignorance of you was more helpful than you were sure they realized. You couldn't be accused of not showing up, it’s not like it was your fault they never got to you. You were still there.

You didn’t speak that aloud though, and he wouldn’t have given you any time to if you’d wanted.

He clicked his tongue and got up without saying a word and walked to the receptionist. You watched as they spoke, his charm shining through as the young woman was in complete admiration at the man before her. If only she knew the real him. If only anyone knew what he was really like. But no. He saved his true self for you and you alone.

The shrill laughter of the woman pierced your ears as Andy smiled, charming oozing off of him. You were reminded of the first time you met him. How easily you had fallen for his act, much the same way. Laughing shyly at his compliments and smiling softly at that same smirk you now dread. The one that haunts your dreams at night after he finally grants you some peace. He’d taken over everything. Every aspect of your life. All of you.

He didn’t care. Not really. Not about the situation. Not even truly about you. He could pretend all he liked, but you knew the truth, whether he accepted it or not.

He didn’t care, he just wanted people to believe he did. That’s what it felt like. And damn did they believe. You had, too. Until you got too close. Finally saw him drop the facade.

Sometimes you could convince yourself it was better this way. To really know him, to know the truth. It helped you not feel so much like a fool anymore. And the way you saw people react to him, falling for every kind smile and caring word, that helped too. You couldn’t blame yourself, he was just so damn good at hiding it.

The woman behind the desk pressed a button and the door leading further into the hospital buzzed open. Andy smiled at her again, giving her a soft ‘thank you’.

He stood at the door, looking at you while holding it open, waiting for you to get up. You stared blankly a moment, your body not wanting to move. This was stupid. Seeing her wouldn’t change anything. It’d do no good for either of you. In fact, it’d probably just send you spiraling even further. You never should have come here in the first place. Never should have answered the phone to begin with. You had bigger problems to worry about. This was too much. It was all too much. Maybe you could visit her after she got home, but you couldn’t do this, especially not right now. Your heart was starting to race and you felt like you couldn’t breathe. You opened your mouth slightly, wanting to speak but no words would come out. You vaguely heard Andy call your name, but didn’t respond to it, not until he loudly cleared his throat and broke through your trance. You looked at him immediately, his annoyance clear in what used to be such kind eyes. You couldn’t find the softness or warmth you did before. Only harsh blue staring a hole through you. You forced your body to move, albeit slowly, standing up and walking toward him. When you were close enough and he was sure no one was watching, he gripped your arm tight and pulled you through the threshold of the door. You stumbled forward, gasping slightly, and tried to pull your arm away, grimacing as his grip was too tight. You looked up at him, pleading without words, eyes begging him to relent. Instead of just letting go of you, he threw your arm away from him and out of his hold. Another needless aggression.

“Stop acting so goddamn catatonic,” he snarled.

“I shouldn’t have come here,” you murmured. “I can’t do this,” you breathed as you tried to move past him, back through the door you’d just entered through.

“Now you want to leave? The second I get you back here? You’re that fucking stubborn. You won’t let me do any nice thing for you, you just like when I’m mean to you, is that it?”

“Andy, please,” you tried to calm him. “It’s not you, I just, I can’t do this, okay. I can’t see her. Please. Let’s just go, I’ll go with you, alright? Wherever you wanted to go tonight, let’s go,” you pleaded. You really couldn’t fathom having to face her. Now that you were so close, you just couldn’t do it. Hell, you were begging the man you’d been trying to keep away from to take you anywhere else, you were that desperate to avoid this reunion.

Your head was down now, staring at his solid chest as he continued to keep you blocked from the door. You felt his hand come up, moving some of your hair out of your face. His touch, deceptively gentle. He moved to tilt your chin up, forcing you to meet his eyes.

“You are leaving with me, you already know that. But we’re not going anywhere until I say we are. You’re gonna be a big girl,” he said, voice dripping with condescension as he gripped your chin painfully, “and do what you came here to do. You can’t run from your fears forever.”

You felt tears welling in your eyes but you fought them back with everything you had.

I hate you I hate you I hate you.

That was all that was running through your head as you blinked away the tears threatening to spill. He didn’t deserve your tears. Neither of them did.

You backed away, lips in a tight line and eyes hard.

A nurse was passing by as you did and Andy was quick to put on a show.

He grabbed your hand gently and it took everything in you not to rip it away. He pulled you back closer and wrapped his arms around you, burying your face in his chest. “It’s alright, sweetheart. Everything’s gonna be okay,” he spoke softly. You couldn’t see his face, so you didn’t know for sure, but you would have bet money he smiled at the nurse as they passed by. Another phony display of comfort.

You weren’t even sure he realized why he was doing it, or how hollow of a gesture it was. You wondered if he really was that deluded that he could think this was a sincere intimate moment between the two of you. His heavy hand was rubbing your back in an attempt to be soothing, and seemed to confirm your thoughts. He turned you in his hold, your back to his chest as he ushered you in the direction of the room number he had been given.

Your feet were only moving because he was pushing you forward. You didn’t know what room you were going to, but when Andy stopped in front of a cracked door, you figured that must be it. You swallowed hard, turning to face him again. Having to see her on your own was enough to leave you feeling sick, but with the news you got yesterday still weighing on you and Andy hovering so close, you felt nearly immobile. The more you thought about what was about to happen, the more anxious you got. You started to think about the last time you’d had to introduce your mother to the person you were seeing. It went horribly, even he agreed. And Ransom had a pretty low bar set for family as it was. Not that he had any room to judge.. Thinking about him and everything that had gone down those few years ago gave you chills even now. How the hell did you constantly end up in these convoluted, fucked up relationships. You worried it said more about you than it did any of them.

“You, you can’t go in,” you said, shaking your head as you avoided eye contact. “She’ll…it’ll be a whole thing,” you tried to explain.

“She doesn’t know about me?” he sniffed.

“I haven’t seen her in over a year,”

“You don’t call?” You cringed at his tone. Accusatory, like he always was, already putting the blame for the rift you had with your mother on you without knowing any of the details. You swallowed the renewed lump forming in your throat and took a stabilizing breath before you responded.

“It’s been a while,” you choked, your voice thick and throat tight.

“Well I can introduce myself just fine,”

You moved to block him from entering the door, earning a stern glare in response.

“I’m only going to say this once,” he seethed. “Move.”

“Let me just talk to her first,” you refused.

His jaw ticked as he stared down at you, eyes narrowed. He huffed, agitated. You thought for a second he was going to listen, but you should have known better. He took a step closer, bending down and grabbing your face in his large hands.

“You’re gonna remember this exact moment later tonight. And you’re gonna regret it.”

His voice was calm, his eyes sure - and you believed him. Your shoulders sagged as you deflated. You weren’t gonna win this one. He brushed past you and entered the room with a knock on the door as he pushed it open. His previous irritation was quickly replaced by his mask of goodheartedness.

You heard her before you saw her, the lilt of her voice paralyzing you.

Suddenly you were a kid all over again, teary eyed and broken hearted at the words that spilled from her lips as she held up clothes to you in the department store, vicious in meaning but so gentle in her delivery. If you didn’t pay attention to the words, you could convince yourself she was reassuring you instead of tearing you apart. That’s what it looked like to passersby, you were sure. The unadulterated spite and barely concealed hatred was saved for you behind closed doors. Living under her roof was your own personal hell and once you got out from under her thumb, you refused to settle back down anywhere. Never believing you were secure, wanted. You just kept searching for what you were longing for, never accepting when you’d found it, or just too scared to stay. Always wandering to the next. You couldn't stay too long or they'd grow to despise you, too.

Who would have thought you'd find yourself trapped again after all these years, all the time you spent desperate to avoid it. It was almost comical. It had to be cosmic. It was like you ran right into him. You wanted to know what you had done in your past life to have cursed yourself to such a fate in this one. How did they keep finding you and what had you done to deserve it? Another devil holding you down. You should have seen it coming. Maybe you did. Maybe it just felt so familiar, the only love you knew as a kid. Anything else you'd received felt like a joke, like you didn't deserve it. Or maybe it was even simpler than that. Maybe you were just tired of trying to outrun fate.

The people you found yourself closest to were always the wolves in sheep’s clothing. Seeming so gentle and loving from the outside, but ready to tear you apart the second they get you alone. Exposed. Vulnerable.

Maybe you did deserve this. The second you started to believe things were finally going right for you, that maybe you could finally be happy, that seeming reality was shattered for you by the very hands you thought were helping put you back together after spending so much of your life feeling absolutely broken.

You didn’t really hear the words they were exchanging as you walked into the room after a moment, taking a heavy breath. When you finally focused in, you heard the end of their brief introductions.

“There’s my daughter,” she announced as you approached. “Look at you,” she intoned, looking you up and down before landing on your face. “You’re all done up. Got all your makeup on.”

You crossed your arms in front of your chest uncomfortably as you took a breath, looking away from her. You could hear the judgment clear as day laced in her words.

“It looks pretty,” she tried to compliment when you looked to her, face solemn. “I wish I could do my makeup like that,” she said smiling.

“Thanks, mom,” you replied, taking a step further into the room. You could feel Andy’s gaze on you, watching you intently, waiting for you to make your way to him, you were sure. “...How are you?”

You felt stupid for even asking, but you didn’t really know what else to say.

“Oh, ya know,” she tried to play off. “I’m fine, honey, I’m fine,” she assured you when you looked at her with a slightly raised brow. She took a breath. “I haven’t seen you in over a year. Haven’t heard from you nearly at all, either, I’ve missed you.”

“Yeah. Sorry,” you said, feeling guilty.

“Hey, that’s life, though. Gets hard. Trust me, I know,” she said before she considered you a moment. With just the tilt of her head you knew she was about to say something provocative. “You look so different…. A lot can change in over a year, though, right?” she continued, looking over to Andy deliberately.

“Uhm. Mom, this is Andy Barber. Andy, my mother,” you introduced them only out of obligation. Manners were important to both of them. Something else they had in common.

“So he told me,” she smiled. “I’m assuming you’re… dating?” You swallowed hard as you looked at her before looking to Andy.

“Six months now,” he responded for you, walking to where you were still standing, smiling softly as he put his arm around you. It was deceptively sweet, comforting. You almost wanted to let yourself relax into him, use him as a shield against the vitrole you knew would be coming eventually.

“Six months? Wow. That must be a record for you, right?” she baited you with a laugh. You didn’t respond, just looked down to the one teal tile on the floor amongst the sea of white. You could feel her eyes on you before she realized she wouldn’t be getting a response, turning her attention to Andy instead.

“So, what do you do for work?” she prodded.

“I’m an assistant DA,” he answered her.

“A lawyer?” your mother said, shocked evident in her voice as she looked at you. “Well, better make sure this one lasts,'' she told you. “And if it does last, you’d better get a prenup,” she laughed again as she nodded to Andy.

You stiffened as Andy did beside you and bit your cheek, eyes narrowed and brows furrowed. She noticed your face and her scoff made your stomach turn. You looked up to see her rolling her eyes as she looked away like she was exhausted by you already. “You just always have to have an attitude don’t you?” she said almost under her breath, frustrated. “Why are you so sensitive? You’re an adult. Stop taking things so personally. Lighten up, grow some skin. I’m trying to have a conversation and it's like everything I say you have an issue with.

God, y/n, ya know, why are you even here? To make me feel worse? Remind me how much of a fuck up mother I am?” You knew it was coming. It always did. And yet you were still jostled by her flip. You felt Andy’s hand squeeze your waist as you unconsciously backed further into him, pressing closer to his side like a frightened puppy trying to hide yourself.

“Mom, I didn’t say anyt-”

“Why are you here?” she enunciated each word loudly, interrupting and talking over you.

“They called when they brought you in. I’m your emergency contact, remember?”

“Remember? Don’t talk to me like I’m senile.” she nearly sneered.

You bite your tongue and cursed yourself for feeling tears well up already.

“Yeah, that’s great. Bring out the waterworks. Put on a show, make me the bad guy. It’s always me, right? It’s always my fault,” she continued. “What do you have to cry for? I’m the one who was abandoned by you. You show up after over a year of rejecting my calls and one word text responses, what to make yourself feel better? Where were you when I needed you, huh?” she questioned, words like knives in your heart. You felt so small under her angry gaze. You felt like the worst person in the world. You felt like a child. A weak, scared, sorry child.

“Andy was it?” she asked, pulling her eyes from you as she turned them to Andy.

“Mr. Barber is fine,” he corrected, voice hard and defensive.

“Well, Mr. Barber,” she mimicked, “I’m sorry you have to see this, but let me just warn you. If I know my daughter, I know she's not much for sticking around. She’ll run as soon as she gets the chance. She’s like her father that way. The second she gets tired of you. The second you can’t offer her anything anymore,” the bitterness was dripping from her every word, “she’ll be gone.”

You gulped down the lump in your throat and squeezed your own hand to try and keep yourself calm.

“If you don’t believe me, just ask her ex. He’ll tell you the same thing,” she said.

“What are you talking about?” you said dumbfounded and exasperated.

“What do you think I’m talking about? Ransom,” she said as if it was obvious. The mention of his name had you frozen. “The second you found out he was written out of that will, you left him like it was nothing.”

“Are you serious? You’re gonna bring that up right now? He went to prison for murder, mom!” you raged. “And you know what, my relationships are none of your business,” you seethed.

“You slept with him for his money, you and I both know it. Just because it turned into something more after doesn’t change the way it started.”

“That’s not true,” you whispered angrily.

“I don’t believe you,” she told you, voice eerily level as tears renewed in your eyes.

“What is wrong with you?” you asked, voice breaking as Andy pulled you behind him.

“That’s enough. It’s clear this was a bad idea,” he stated, making you want to scream. As if you hadn’t told him as much before he forced you in here. You turned to the side as you held your head in your hands, trying to regain your composure.

“Oh my god,” your mother breathed as she took in your side profile for the first time. Her voice was full of worry and your head shot over to her immediately in response to your name being spoken in near reprimand. “Are...are you pregnant?” she asked out of nowhere.

“What?” you breathed.

“Your stomach looks bigger. Like there’s a bump there. It’s been a year but I know what you look like when you put on weight,” she started, eyes locked on your tummy. “And I know what baby weight looks like.. Yo-you’re pregnant aren’t you?” she asked again. She sounded..scared.

You were looking at her, confounded as Andy turned to you, looking much the same. He eyed you up and down before you felt his gaze settle on your stomach. Your hands came up to your lower belly self consciously.. Or maybe it was protectively.

You didn’t know how she knew. You’d only just found out yourself. You didn’t think you were showing noticeably in the slightest. Your periods were always irregular. Skipping cycles wasn’t anything you would think twice about. You were on the pill. You thought maybe you were just more bloated lately. Gaining weight wasn’t anything new for you, either. You didn’t piece any of it together right away. You had no reason to. You were protected. Or so you thought. And you had zero plans of informing Andy of the news. Not yet. You were still trying to process it. You couldn’t be a mother. You couldn’t become your mother. But what were you supposed to do? You could deny it easily enough, put the conversation off, but you knew Andy wouldn’t let it go. He’d want a test to know for sure either way. He’d find out the truth. You were planning to make your appointment next week to find out how far along you were. See if you had any options left.

“Are you pregnant?” Andy asked softly, walking closer to you.

Your mouth was dry. You didn’t want to answer him, but you knew you’d have to. You licked your lips before you spoke.

“I don’t- I- I think.. maybe,” you breathed, words fumbling while you were avoiding eye contact with both of them.

Your attention was caught by your mother lamenting your nickname, pained and sorrowful. “Don’t do this to yourself,” she pleaded. “You’re so young, you’re not ready to be a mother. You-”

“All due respect,” Andy snapped, “- which is near none,” he added, sneering as he turned on your mother while you watched in sudden shock, mouth slightly agape while your mind spun, “you have absolutely no say here. In fact, it’s none of your business. This is a private matter between your daughter and I - no one else. But if you really want to worry about anyone’s ability to mother, I’d focus on yourself first. You’ve done a real bang up job so far,” he said sarcastically.

“Andy,” you reproached, walking quietly to him, wanting to calm things before they got worse.

“We’re leaving,” he said to you while sending daggers to your mother who looked at you with tears in her eyes, “You never should have come here.”

You looked at your mom, discontent clear on your face.

“Honey, I’m so sorry,” she said, voice cracking. You had to look away before your own tears started to fall, lip wobbling. You weren’t sure what she was apologizing for, but it was the first time you ever heard her say those words sincerely. And it broke your heart. Andy grabbed your hand in his as he pulled you to the door and out of the room. The second you were past the door, you immediately broke down in tears. Everything hitting you all at once. Suddenly you were gasping for air as you felt like your legs were about to give out beneath you. Andy’s arms wrapped around you, turning you to pull you into his chest, his strength keeping you up as you leaned fully into him. One hand was holding your head while the other was wrapped around you, rubbing your back as you cried. He placed a kiss atop your head while he hushed you quietly, both of you standing in the empty hospital hallway.

You caught your breath after a minute and let yourself believe he was holding you so gently because he really cared. Because he was sorry for not listening to you. Because he wanted you to feel better, to comfort you. Whether it was true or not, it helped. Slowly you pulled away from him, and his hand came up to brush the tears off your puffy cheeks.

“How far along are you?”

“I really don’t know,” you said honestly. “If I had to guess, at least ten weeks,”

“How long have you known?” he asked quietly, thumb still stroking your cheek.

You looked at him doe eyed, lips set in a small pout. You opened your mouth to speak before he cut you off,

“I’m gonna tell you right now, don’t lie to me,” he warned, an ocean storm brewing in his normally brilliant blue eyes as he forced you to look him in the eye.

“Since yesterday,” you murmured. “I swear.”

He nodded slightly then took you by surprise, pulling you closer for a slow and deep kiss. Your brows were furrowed as he pulled away to allow you both a breath.

“You should have told me right when you found out,” he reproached.

“I’m sorry,” you breathed. “I was still trying to wrap my head around it. I wasn’t sure how you’d react. I don’t know how this even happened,” you confessed. But Andy knew.

He’d been switching out your birth control for nearly four months now and had long since stopped wearing condoms with you, though that you were aware of. He didn’t think it was important to tell you about the swap he’d made with your pills, so he decided to keep that to himself. No need to get you worked up again. Especially now that he knew you finally were pregnant. He’d have to figure out a way to keep you as stress free as possible. Keeping you home would be easy enough, he basically had you living with him already, but he’d have to make that change slowly, you would surely resist his attempts to keep you at home if he made it too obvious.

He found your mother’s warning funny, though. As if you’d ever be able to run from him. You’d tried, but he was always two steps ahead. You didn’t go anywhere without him knowing, whether you knew that or not. You were his now. You had been since the day he first laid eyes on you. You weren’t going anywhere. As he thought about the changes he’d have to make now that you were pregnant, he remembered the punishment he’d given you a few nights ago. It reminded him you had another one coming tonight, too. He’d have to go about them differently now, though. As much as he loved discipling you, his tactics would have to change, he’d need to be even more careful with you. And more lenient, he realized. He loved your responses to spankings, but he was looking forward to changing your punishments up with edging or overstimulation now instead. Either way, he was sure to make you cry. Make sure you’d learn your lessons. And he’d get started tonight. You brought out the darkness in him, but you brought the softness out, too. He wanted to remind you how good things could be. There was just one more thing bugging him at the moment that he’d have to let out.

“Come on,” he instructed. “I parked in the garage.”

You walked with him to the entrance before he led the way to his car.

He opened the door for you and helped you in before he went around and got in himself. He sighed heavily as you sat in silence for a moment before he turned to you.

“Who the fuck is Ransom?”

[tinynebula]

everybody is pro choice until that omega gets pregnant

[frost-queen]

What we choose (Reader x Spencer Reid)

Requested by: @alanalanalanalanalanna Forever tag:@missmelodramatic, @merlin-dahlia,  @elllie-does-the-posts, @alex--awesome--22, @floatlosers, @merlieve, @queen-of-books, @glimmering-darling-dolly@denkisclown, @wildieflower, @meyocoko, @bubblybrianna, @justanothercoco@subjecta13-thefangirl, @m-rae23, @harleyquinnswifeyfrfr, @swampthing07, @imagines-by-her, @vviolynn, @melsunshine,  @evilcr0ne,

Laying in his arms, everything was just right. Everything just like you always wanted. Nothing more, nothing less. Blessed with a smile, you turned round feeling his arm lift gently to give you more space. Now facing him, you pushed your arms around him. – “Comfortable?” – Spencer mumbled with his eyes still closed. – “Yes.” – you said softly as he inhaled deep through his nose.

His arms tightening around your body, pressed against his bare chest. Not a half an hour ago he had proofed to you just how much he loved you. Loved every bit of your body like a holy grail. The smell of sweat still in the air from how your bodies had worked together. His leg brushed against yours underneath the sheets whilst he hummed pleasantly. You kissed his chin, laying your head back down.  Everything was just right you thought before falling asleep.

It was by accident that you found it. Perhaps lucky you found out at this stage or else it would’ve been a hell lot bloodier. It was a standard medical examine at work that every employee had to do every two years. You sat patiently waiting on a chair in the hallway. The call note in your hand. Your posture shot up when the door opened. A lady walking out with a smile on her face. You gave her a sympathetic smile back before you got called in.

Getting up, you collected all your things heading inside. The examine room wasn’t that big. Just a simple desk and some equipment. You gave the doctor your note as she accepted it. She started typing a bit on the computer, probably pulling up your medical history. She started her standard questions which you answered honestly. Followed by some custom procedures. The bomb came afterwards in a letter.

The results of your medical examination. You were healthy enough to continue your work yet something else was spoken off to. A sweet congratulations that you were with child. To many this would be indeed good news. News to cry your eyes out over and scream delightful. Yet to you it wasn’t great news. It wasn’t anything positive. Reading the words made you instantly sick. Rushing to the bathroom to throw up. Throw up with disgust at what was growing inside of you.

After the sickening feeling came the tears. Not tears of joy, no. Tears of anger, disgust, and stupidity. Stupidity of how you could’ve let it come to this. A child! There was a small person growing inside of you and it felt alien-like. Reaching for your stomach you gave your skin a good squeeze. – “I don’t want you.” – you told it with loud sniffling. It might seem cruel or rude to many others, but this was just how you thought about it. You couldn’t help it.

Ever since you were young, you proclaimed to never want children of your own. You remembered clear how your mother used to laugh it away, telling you, you’ll grow out of this idle idea. But you never did. You never outgrew it. It increased by the years. Children just weren’t for you. It never was. You didn’t feel love towards them, you couldn’t help it. Sitting down on the bath’s edge you exhaled deep.

“You are ruining everything do you know that. I was happy. I am happy and you! you ruin it with your presence.” – you said out loud. Letting the letter drop to the floor, you stared out in the distance. Mind spinning with what now. There was no way you were going to keep it. It felt unfair to the child to welcome it in the world when you felt indifferent for it. You were empathic enough to not wish that upon the child.

The door had opened as a voice echoed through the house. – “Y/n babe are you home?” – Spencer called out setting his bag down. – “Sorry I’m a bit later, it was crazy at the BAU.” – he continued while moving around the house in search for you. He frowned noticing the door to the bathroom was slightly open, light coming from inside the room. With a creaking noise pushed he the door open. – “Y/n what are you doing in here?” – he asked stepping inside.

The first thing he noticed was the letter on the floor. He immediately bend down to pick it up. His eyes darted rapidly over the words, processing the words. – “What?” – he called out stunned. – “You… you are pregnant?” – he blurted out with a smile. – “Y/n this… this is…” – he lowered the letter ready to express cheerfulness upon you, yet then he saw your face and remembered how you stood against children.

“This… is unexpected but we can see together what will happen now.” – he said. You finally moved lifting your head up to him. – “What will happen is that I will get it removed.” – you said bluntly. Plain with any emotion. – “What? Get rid of it?” – Spencer called out baffled. – “But… Y/n this… this is our child… just give us a moment to think about it.” – Spencer continued as you got up.

“Each moment I waste thinking about it, it grows larger!” – you answered loudly. – “I don’t want this! I don’t want a child and you know that!” – you accused with wild gestures. Spencer grabbed you by the shoulders. – “I know, I know but let me just think.” – he begged for a pause to let him process this properly and think clearly. – “What is there to think I want it gone!” – you shouted swaying your arm up so his grip was off you. – “What if I don’t!” – Spencer shouted back swept up in your anger and commotion.

His reaction made you stare with anger and disgust at him. – “It’s… it’s our child Y/n!” – Spencer called out trying to reason with you. – “I don’t want it!” – you repeated wanting to get it in his head. – “I do!” – he yelled out squeezing your arms tight. Tears swelled up in your eyes as they rolled down your cheek. – “I don’t want this, and you know that!” – you screamed out trying to get him to listen to reason.

“I know, but I think you are thinking irrational. Just… just give us a few moments to discuss it.” – he said gentler soothing your arms. – “What is there to discuss, I don’t want this!” – you cried out, getting frustrated that he wasn’t listening. – “I never wanted a child and you agreed with your type of work it would endanger it anyways, we were on terms with this.”

Spencer sighed deep knowing he did agreed to it. Yet to him it felt as if things might have changed with this sudden news. A chance for him to get something more in life. Something he was perhaps willing to try even if it meant failing numerous times to get it right. Sobbing loud you ran your hands through your hair. – “I’m getting it removed whether you like it or not.” – you told him. Spencer puffed brief. – “So no matter what I say, I won’t get a say in it.” – he replied as you shook your head. – “So this is it then. You are going to end the life of our child.” – you weren’t sure if he was trying to gaslight you or guilt trip, but it sure left a dirty taste in your mouth.

“If you are so eager to have a child, perhaps you should find it elsewhere!” – you called out against your better judgement. A slip of the tongue manifesting from your anger. Spencer’s eyes widened. – “Perhaps I should!” – he shouted back, taking a turn and shut the door behind you. The slam of the door startled you. Giving you that nudge to surrender completely to your tears. Sobbing loud you crashed down. In just a few hours your world had come crashing down.

Why was no one considerate towards you? It felt as if your feelings were shoved aside or labeled as unwanted or irrational. You were very much sane to know what you were speaking off. Not everyone was meant to have children and that should be alright too. It is not easy being a mom, that is a fact. So if you do not feel like having them, it shouldn’t be a crime. It was rather human to make this decision.

As the tears rolled down your cheek, you left the bathroom to make an online appointment with the abortion center. For the following days you hadn’t been seeing Spencer much. It was as if he was avoiding you. He wouldn’t be already looking for another girlfriend would he now? The waiting for the appointment was already stressful enough. You still loved Spencer very much despite the argument you had with him. You dearly wished him to be present when you would undergo it.

To have him of some comfort that you weren’t utterly alone in this world. You left a voicemail to Spencer’s phone letting him know you were going in today and that you hoped to see him there for support. The ride to the abortion center seemed dreadfully long. As if meeting the grim reaper and volunteering to give him your life like you had given up on earth. Wanting to be somewhere else where there was no pain. The moment you entered it felt heavy on your chest.

A woman announced for you to sit and wait till the doctor came. In the meantime she gave you a form to fill. Your hand trembled, knees shook at the scary thought of going through such a procedure. You knew this wasn’t the 40’s anymore where risks like this were high upon the mother. Yet you couldn’t deny the fear. Checking your phone you hoped to have heard of Spencer. There was none. Minutes ticked by as you felt yourself go numb.

You practically jumped up when it was your turn. Looking saddened back to see no sign of Spencer. How much you had hoped he would be there. To show you he still loved you and wanted to go forwards with you. His absence spoke loudly. You sat down with the doctor as she explained what would happen. She pressed on if you were certain of your choice. You were. You kind of felt sad there wasn’t any guilt inside of you towards letting it die. You couldn’t muster up the feeling. The moment you were prepared your heart started to beat faster.

Sweat forming on your forehead. Fear of what it might feel like. – “Are you certain?” – the doctor asked one last time. You nodded sternly. – “I am.” – you responded. Feeling the doctor come near, you turned to look up to the ceiling. Trying to set your mind apart from what was going to happen. If only Spencer was here. You needed him here for support. You didn’t want to do this alone. Suddenly you started to cry, sniffle loud because of Spencer’s absence. Perhaps his love for you wasn’t as deep as you imagined.

The doctor stopped and looked at you. – “I can still stop if you want. There is no shame in changing your mind.” – she said soothingly. Shaking your head you disagreed. It was then that she understood. – “You are going to be alright. I wish I could offer you my hand, but I’ll need it.” – she said with comfort. – “Do you want to hold my hand?” – she asked. You nodded with teary eyes, lip trembling.

She held her hand out to you. You grabbed it, giving it a big squeeze. – “All will be well. You are not going through this alone. I am right here with you.” – she said with a smile. The door busted open as a nurse stumbled inside after a panting Spencer. – “Y/n!” – Spencer breathed out. You instantly started to cry more opening your arms as he fell down in your embrace. The doctor nodded to the nurse that it was alright. – “I’m so sorry for being so late.” – he said to you. The doctor smiled. – “I believe she might need a hand.” – she added. Spencer nodded taking your hand in his.

“I shall begin then.” – the doctor spoke as you nodded. Spencer shushed you, stroking your hair with comfort. – “It is you and me darling. Nothing in this world can make me separate from you.” – he said as you squeezed his hand so tight you thought it would break. Spencer’s presence made the procedure less frightening. You were brought to a recovery room to come at ease.

Spencer sat down beside you, holding your hand tight. – “I didn’t think you’d come. I didn’t think you wanted me anymore.” – you told him. Spencer smiled softly. – “For a moment I didn’t think I would. Then something overcame me as I couldn’t let you go through this alone. We made a choice Y/n. A long time ago and I have been foolish for going against it. Never in a million years do I want to part from you. I will have you, all of you. Nothing in between.”

Spencer bend down to kiss you. You got up letting yourself fall against his chest. His arms wrapping tightly around you. Exhaling deep he embraced you with every emotion inside of him. – “I love you Y/n.” – he whispered making you hold on tighter to him.

-----------------------------------------

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[exhuastedpigeon]

Tease Tidbit Tuesday

From my Buck wants to be a dad sooo bad fic. I've entered the angsty part of the fic.

Putting a trigger warning on this for the mention of abortion

Buck knows he isn’t fine. He doesn’t need anyone to tell him he looks like shit. Doesn’t need the concerned looks he knows people are giving him when they think he can’t see.  “Have you been sleeping okay?” It’s Eddie. Of course it’s Eddie. No one else is willing to brave the hurricane that is Buck when he’s upset, at least not while they’re all at work.  “Yep,” Buck says. He’s not mad at Eddie, but he knows he sounds mad. He’s not mad at anyone actually. Well, maybe he’s just mad at himself. Mad that he let himself hope he was going to get everything he’s always wanted. Mad that the woman he thought he was falling in love with changed that. Mad that he can’t look at Natalia now without seeing her taking a sip of wine and telling him she’s got an abortion scheduled. Mad at himself for not being able to get past this.  And he knows that’s wrong too. She didn’t ruin anything. It’s just, he’s not sure he can do it anymore. Not sure he can invest any more time and energy into a relationship that has to end, because kids are nonnegotiable for him and he’s realizing they are for Natalia too, just in the opposite direction.  “Really? Because the last time I saw you hitting the bag this hard you’d just found out your parents had hid a brother from you for your entire life.” “I’m fine Eddie,” Buck hits the bag again.

Tagged by @thewolvesof1998 @weewootruck @daffi-990 @spotsandsocks @devirnis

no pressure tagging @hippolotamus @wikiangela @malewifediaz @spagheddiediaz @eddiebabygirldiaz @loserdiaz @monsterrae1 @rosieposiepuddingnpie @thekristen999 @wildlife4life @jeeyuns @callmenewbie and anyone else who wants to share

[tadpoleatemybrain]

How In the Hells?

Astarion x gender-neutral Generi-Tav (I don't make good Tavs T_T)

Words: 1k-1.5k

Tw: pregnancy, mentions of abortion

"What?" The question left Astarion’s lips before he could even attempt to stop himself. Confusion and disbelief were transparent in his expression. Voice soft and questioning. Not the reaction anyone would have anticipated from someone who had just been told he was about to become a father. The doctor even seemed a bit surprised. Reactions to this particular revelation varied wildly, but they usually leaned more towards happiness or unhappiness, not disbelief.

"You're sure?" Tav questioned, seeming equally doubtful. 

"Yes, the tests were all positive. You’re pregnant." The doctor confirmed, growing a bit weary. Why was a couple with this configuration confused that pregnancy had occurred? Of course, said couple hadn’t been…entirely truthful. As they couldn’t know everyone’s general opinion on vampires it had been in their best interest to conceal that little detail. Mostly just covering the neck holes. Hoping the red eyes and paleness could be explained away.

"Yay, darling, we're so excited, aren't we?" Astarion said with feigned excitement, an attempt to gloss over his first reaction. A smile painted on as he took Tav's hand. Yet, both looked into each other's eyes bewildered. 

This wasn't a possibility they had ever considered and therefore taken no steps to prevent...obviously. They had assumed one partner being undead had removed that potential. Naturally throwing caution to the wind during what most would have considered their honeymoon. 

What a honeymoon it had been too. Traveling the coast, hunting monsters, resting in each other's arms every night. Just the two of them. Truly everything the couple could have hoped for and then some. It had only been cut short by Tav's sudden fatigue and consistent nausea. Quickly pivoting to getting to the closest settlement and seeking out whatever healer they had available. Fortunately, the first village they found had a doctor.

The pair listened to the doctor inform them of what to expect, what steps to take, and when they should come back for checkups. Yet, the words weren't quite sticking. How could they when the doctor was speaking on a normal pregnancy and nothing about this was normal. They didn’t dare to bring this up to the doctor either, doubting that he would have any experience on this topic.

When the two were finally alone again, the act dropped. Able to fully expose their confusion and panic. 

The two lines were spoken simultaneously. 

"How in the hells am I pregnant?!" 

"How in the hells are you pregnant?!" 

It was almost a relief for the two to share the sentiment. Able to trust each other enough not to minimize their reactions. However, their opinions on the matter couldn’t be any more different. One was filled with a sense of hope and joy and the other could only feel dread.

“This is…this is…wow. Unexpected definitely. Gods, what are we going to do?” Tav asked.

"Well, obviously, we need to get rid of it. The sooner, the better." Astarion stated. Firmly believing that nothing good could come of this. That this had to be some sort of fluke or worse some sort of curse. What would cause him to think any other way?

So many questions filled his mind. Who did one even call for that? How did that procedure even work in this scenario? Could it? Where would they have to go? If anyone knew this information it certainly couldn't be common. Hells Astarion didn’t even know a word for this whatever this thing inside of Tav was. Could it even be called a baby?

"What?" Tav asked as if the wind had been knocked out of them. This miraculous gift had been given to them, and he didn't want it? Shouldn't he be overjoyed? An opportunity to have a family together. Something they had thought they had to abandon. Yet here it was.

"You've already had one parasite inside you, you want another?" 

"A parasite?! It's a child! Our child!" Tav shouted. Clearly pissed at the comparison. A baby wasn’t a mind-flayer tadpole. 

“We have to assume it's at least partially a vampire and what do vampires need? Blood. Where is the blood Tav? Inside you. Where is the baby? Also inside you! Do you not see the problem?!”

"I've sustained you, haven't I?! I think I can handle another!" They retorted.

"That’s different. I have consciousness. I have control. I want to protect you. That-" He pointed to their stomach. 

"doesn't. All it wants to do is live and it will, even at your expense. Gods, why is this even an argument?!" The vampire replied exasperated. Running his hand through his hair. Why was he so much more concerned about the ramifications of this than Tav was? It was their life that was in jeopardy. They sunk into a chair. It would be a lie to say that they weren’t concerned at all. His points were valid, but there was a counterpoint to be made.

“What if it’s not even a vampire at all? What if that can’t be passed down? It could be a half-elf.” What if the elf part was all that could be passed on? If that was the case then the largest part of his concerns went out the window. A half-elf pregnancy wasn’t uncommon. Surely something any doctor could handle.

“That feels incredibly optimistic. Do forgive me for not sharing in it, but we have to think in the worst case.” Given how most things in his life had gone it wasn’t odd for him to believe that things would continue to go wrong. Optimism was still quite new to the vampire.

"Astarion, we can figure this out. One way or the other. After everything we've been through I think we can handle a baby. What if…what if we never have another chance?" Tav looked up at him with pleading eyes.

"We've been fine without it and we already planned a life without it. Why is that suddenly ch-" Tav cut him off.

"Because we didn't think we could, but now we can. That has changed everything." They stood up and took his hand.

"You're set on this aren't you?" He sighed as his thumb rubbed over the back of their hand.

"Please, can we at least try? If-if it gets bad we’ll get help.” There were a few people they could turn to. How helpful they would be in this particular instance…well that would remain to be seen. Of course, they were going to look into this as much as possible before they decided to get anyone else involved. There were dozens of libraries on the coast including Candlekeep, surely at least one of them would have something regarding this. However, getting into Candlekeep was easier said than done.

“Alright, but if this goes terribly I won’t hesitate. I just got you Tav, and I won’t be losing you so soon. I can’t…” Tav heard the break in his voice and pulled him into a hug. 

“I think you’re worrying too much. We just need to change some plans, do a little research and everything will be fine.” They said reassuringly.

“This does change all of our plans doesn’t it?” They couldn’t continue to travel and slay monsters with a little one in tow. Now they would have to consider settling down, getting steady jobs, and putting down roots. All things they had intended to do at some point, but now so much sooner than before and with one other to account for.

“Mhmm, but we’ve always been pretty good at adjusting plans.” Tav looked up at him with a soft smile.

“A rogue is nothing if not adaptable.” Astarion agreed.

[inkblot22]

The Infection I Don't Want

I don't have any words. Don't look at me. In all seriousness, I definitely love the savior trope. I tried to give it a cute little twist. Idia feels funny in this one too. Also sorry if the formatting is weird. I write these in Docs and then I transfer them to tumblr and for some reason in this fic's document I used Amatic SC and I have bad vision to begin with. No clue why I love torturing myself. Dividers by @/cafekitsune. This fic gets a little heavy. If you start feeling unwell, stop reading. I won't take it personal, promise.

This fic is aimed towards afab readers, but uses they/them pronouns. Mentions of periods and wombs. I may have been a bit less impersonal with this one, but the reader doesn't go on my weird love rant that I have in my self-insert Idia fic so there is that.

This fic is DEAD DOVE, DO NOT EAT. TW for mentions of pregnancy, pregnancy symptoms, DIY abortion which could also be read as miscarriage, I guess, abortion, Idia is incredibly mean in this and possibly OOC, Ortho being unintentionally creepy, parasites, sort of misogyny relating to periods, shock collars, electric shocks, captivity, implied forced marriage, implied forced medical procedures. PSA: don't try anything the reader does in this fic. It's an excellent way to get sepsis, and you don't want that, I promise.

Part 5 of the Pants on Fire series.

You don’t want to admit it, but a bit too much has changed about you. In the past few weeks, you’ve noticed plenty of things, but the largest and most blaring was that your period never came. Before when you would have it, Idia would sulk and pout, acting like you were bleeding on purpose, throwing a heating pad and a blanket and a pillow and the necessary products at you so you’d be comfortable in your distress. He kept talking about figuring out some technology to rid you of that pesky trait, and you really can’t think of anyone who likes having a period, so if he had, you wouldn’t have fought him on it, 

It’s too late for that now. For the last few days, you’ve been waking up early and vomiting. The smell of Idia’s favorite noodles makes it worse. Your poor tummy is constantly roiling, and you can hardly keep anything down. Ortho has been staring at you incessantly. You think he’s being annoying, really, and Idia’s been getting on your last nerves as well. 

Today, you woke up, vomited, and just sat in the bathroom for a moment, coming to terms with the fact that you could very well be pregnant. You feel conflicted. On one hand, you don’t want to talk or think about this. You’re stressed enough as it is. On the other hand, you absolutely don’t want this. You don’t want this creature in your stomach. You know it's there. You can’t feel it, but how often can you feel something before everything goes absolutely wrong? You can’t. 

But it’s unimportant. A knock comes at the door and you scramble to your feet, flushing the toilet and rinsing out your mouth before opening the door. It’s Idia. He gives you a look and starts stripping, turning on the shower and handing you a hair tie.

“You look sick.  What’s wrong with you?”

“O-oh, I… I don’t know. I feel fine.” You’re not sure how to tell him, so you lie. Maybe you won’t have to tell him. You pull his hair into a bun and he hops into the shower. 

You stand there for a moment and he peeks his head around the door at you, “What are you doing? You want to join me?”

“Huh? Oh, no. Just thinking.”

“Go see if Ortho can get you some aspirin or something so you can start acting normal again.” He mutters.

You leave. It’s fine. Idia’s dorm room is always cold. He keeps it like that on purpose. If you’re cold and he doesn’t provide much more than these stupid skimpy pajama sets that are cute but are also thin, so you’re more likely to cuddle up to him or wear his hoodies. At least he has good taste in that.

You don’t really feel like undertaking the task of looking through his closet, so you take a seat in Idia’s gaming chair, which is still warm from him sitting in it, and sigh, laying a hand over your belly. He said that Ortho was here, but he must be out getting breakfast, since you didn’t immediately hear his high voice  shrilling in your ears, “Good morning!”

You like Ortho just fine. He’s not your ally, but being around him is better than being around Idia. You wished he’d been gone for longer. You sigh and your head begins to hurt, “Hi, Ortho.”

He giggles a little and puts down the takeout bag, smiling as he turns back to face you. And then he just stares, chartruse eyes boring into you.

“Ortho, is there a problem?” You can’t hold your tongue about this any longer. You have a headache and honestly you just want to take a fat nap and let the world, small as it has become for you, deal with itself.

Before he can respond, Idia strolls out of the bathroom, lazily greeting Ortho, “Hey, Ortho.”

“Hello!” His voice is just so grating. You want to throw something.

“Mmm.” Idia glances at you, walking over and nudging your shoulder with the back of his hand, like he’s shooing an animal, “Go lay down.”

“I don’t-”

“Did you ask Ortho for-”

“Would you stop interrupting me?” You snarl, turning to look at him.

He stiffens ever so slightly, then hunches down and digs through the takeout bag Ortho brought in, “Are you acting like this because you’re on your period?”

“Did you really just ask me-”

This time, it’s Ortho, not Idia, who interrupts you, “Oh, they won’t be having a period for a while.”

Idia freezes. You freeze. Ortho goes back to what he was doing, humming as he makes the bed. Idia turns to narrow his eyes at you, his eyes sliding down to look at your midsection and feet, and his eyes roll back into his head and he’s hitting the ground. Maybe if you cared more about him, you’d check to make sure that he was fine, but as it is now, you don’t really have the energy or wherewithal to do so. You rush into the bathroom and cower near the toilet, like there’s a tornado or something outside. You’re distressed.

He doesn’t know it, but Ortho just vocalized the actualization of all your fears, the culmination of your meager existent, all rolled up into this… this parasite in your stomach. You swallow your incoming hysteria and make a decision. You’re going to get up. You’re going to get a change of clothes. You’re going to take a shower. And you’ll be fine. You’ll figure this out. You always have before. You’ll do it again.

When you exit the bathroom, Ortho is blowing air into Idia’s pallid face, and Idia is groaning. You ignore the pair and go to the closet. You grab a change of clothes, the rabbit-themed set of pajamas, you walk into the bathroom, you turn on the water. About as soon as the stream hits your back, you’re screaming. Sobs break from your chest like a hammer going into ice, smashing its way out despite every effort you make to keep it together. You’ve barely got the peace of mind to quickly wash yourself, and when you exit- the water is cold, too cold for comfort- you dry. You feel twitchy, after crying so hard. You tug on the spaghetti strap shirt, the bunny face stretching against your skin, and then you’re staring at the hanger.

You remember reading something, a long, long time ago. You were far too young to be reading this type of thing, the gorier parts of feminism and women’s rights, but… you remember a passage. The wire twists apart easily as you remember the story. A woman, desperate to be rid of the parasitic growth in her womb, just as desperate as you are now, used a wire coat hanger to remove it. It’s been so long that you can’t remember how it ended for her, but you remember the rest very clearly. The bent end, no longer crooked after you bent it, slips into your opening so easily. You can barely feel it. then the door opens, you freeze,  and you hear Ortho scream.

“Idia!” He yells, and there are footsteps and a moment of silence.

You look up at Idia’s honey-colored eyes that are glued to the wire hanger sticking out of your body, see the way both of the Shroud boys are looking at your current unfinished action, see the slow spread of crimson into Idia’s long hair, starting at the tips and spreading like, well, like fire, to the roots. There’s that familiar three-tap warning, and then you drop the hanger, clutching at the collar as the strongest shock you’ve ever felt hits you like a truck. It’s worse than the time you didn’t want to hang out with him, worse than the times you’d stray too close to the door. It forces you to your knees, sets your body into convulsions that shake the twisted hanger out of you, makes you foam at the mouth.

Somewhere under your anguish, you think you hear Ortho robotically say, “BPM reaching critical levels.”

The current stops and your body stops convulsing, relaxing so hard that your world, small as it has become, goes black. When you awake, you’re reliving a distant memory: you’re bound, hands and ankles, on the bed. You’re dressed again, one of Idia’s hoodies draped over you like a blanket, and Idia is just staring at you, holding your collar. He looks pissed, but his hair isn’t red, at least. He’s noticed you’re awake, but he’s not saying anything. He turns slightly in his gaming chair and throws the strap of leather on his desk, the wiring fried. There are holes burnt into the leather, and Idia stares at it blankly before he starts typing away on his tablet, his own voice coming through the device.

It sounds about as burnt out as the shock collar looks, “I bet you feel pretty bad, huh?”

You don’t dignify that with a response. It doesn’t matter to him, since his fingers fly as he keeps typing away.

“You’re a fucking moron. Only someone stupid would try to-” He doesn’t finish the sentence and hits the desk, standing up and pacing. You can’t see him, but you can hear him panting. 

You try to de-escalate, sort of. The shock collar isn’t around your neck anymore, but you really don’t need him to work himself up again, “The word is ‘desperate.’ I don’t want… I don’t want this. This thing growing inside of me, I don’t-”

“You’re not the only one with a parasite.” His voice is quiet but seething. It breathily cuts through the air like a knife, aiming for your soft parts, “You just have the privilege of being able to get rid of yours comfortably.”

“Really? So you putting this thing in me isn’t as bad as I think it is?”

He paces back into view and you notice something missing. Someone missing. You lift your head a bit to look around and Idia takes a heavy seat at his desk again. This state is rare. It takes him a while to relax when he gets like this, but you’ve only seen it aimed at others, like that time his account got temporarily banned because one of his party members was hacking. At least that had an easy solution for him- you’ve never seen him grin as much as when he had the poor guy swatted and watched through the CCTV cameras around the poor fool's house.

“We’re going home. I’ll fix your little problem twofold, since I’m the only competent one between the two of us.” He types out, his recorded voice not lagging once.

“What? And what do you mean you have a parasite?”

He doesn’t look at you, but you think you see him wipe his cheek with his sleeve, typing with only one hand, “Ortho is gonna come back with some burn cream. I lost my temper and you got hurt. Not that you didn’t deserve it.”

“I didn’t deserve any of this. I asked you if you had a condom.”

He doesn’t respond to that statement, instead typing, “I don’t love you. You know that, right? Love is for the idealistic masses, those who aren’t capable of keeping their feet on the ground. You’re just someone who has taken up a space in my mind. So the solution to yours won’t be permanent. Seven knows my parents will be getting on my case about providing them an heir eventually.”

“So I’m just here for eventual marriage security?”

Idia doesn’t respond. Ortho strolls in, placing a tube on Idia’s desk and goes out of your line of sight, seemingly to tidy or something. You don’t really care. He’s not your ally. He’s never been.

Idia sighs, then goes back to working on something on his desk. You don’t know how much time passes, but he loops it around your throat and unties you. It’s sitting a bit lower on your neck, just against your collarbones. There’s a three-tap warning, but no shock afterward. Just the flat look on Idia’s face.

“I should start calling you ‘baby’, kitten. It’d be so much easier for you to understand your position.”

“That’s not funny.” You say, “I never asked you to bring me here.”

Idia shrugs, “Well, I don’t think of you as a pet. With the way you act, you might as well be a pest.” He grins, sharp teeth on display, “Maybe I should put out some glue traps… or start dosing you with raw garlic and ivermectin.” 

He starts laughing, and you feel your eyes well with tears. You tell yourself it's the pregnancy hormones. Idia laughs harder at your expression.

“Aw, kitten, I’m just teasing. Come sit with me.”

“But I-” That three-tap warning from your new collar cuts you off. You stand up and start walking the two steps between the bed and Idia’s desk. When you reach your hands towards the collar, it zaps you. It’s quick and not too painful, but it gets you moving towards Idia. When you take a seat on his lap, he leans to bury his nose in your hair, a thrilled noise escaping him. He drops the burn cream in your lap.

He just watches you as you unscrew the lid and reach for your neck. There’s a three-tap warning again- bzz bzz bzz- but you ignore it. The second your fingers barely graze your throat with the cream, you get zapped, short and swift, but uncomfortable enough. You drop your hand and it goes away. When you look up at Idia, he takes the cream from your other hand and presses a soft kiss to your cheek, using his free hand to click into one of his many tabs for some anime streaming site.

“Good. It works.” Is all he says.

As he dabs the cream onto the electrical burns on your neck, you have to blink away the despair again. It’s settled over you like a blanket, eaten holey by moths and worms. Every move you make is accompanied by tentative fear, a worry that Idia will do something awful if you do certain things. You never once considered it would go this far, though. Ortho drops something onto Idia’s bed, a hefty-looking luggage set, and Idia pays him no mind as he tucks away some clothes. You don’t want to admit it, but you don’t want to be around any more people under Idia’s thumb, whether they know it or not.