#Adventures in Substitute Teaching

[subteach1]

Kid: Hi, I'm Peppa!

Kid: Bacon gets tossed on the grill.

Kid: And this is my brother George!

Kid: Sausage gets tossed on the grill.

[rsworldxx]

First time subbing in elementary and a child straight up asked me “what’s an orgasm?” with the straightest face I can’t even make this shit up

[bluebirbbs]

Louiseeeeeeeee 🐇🍔🎟️

I’ve been thinking about the future belcher kids again 😩 new designs blah blah blah So I’m here to ramble out my thoughts

I think Louise will be the belcher kid to inherit the burger business of course, but I think a Louise would get bored with it. She’s an adventurous person! I thought what if Louise is kinda mentored by Mr. Fisch (although she wont quite inherit anything for the sake of Felix 🙄 that wouldn’t be good lol)

I think the most important time for Louise will be her 6th grade year at Wagstaff, it’ll be the first time that Louise will not be in school with either of her siblings- Gene a freshman and Tina a junior. I can see her being upset and feeling left behind with Gene and Tina living their separate lives at Huxley High. Gene maybe joining the drama club to live his musical dreams 👀 and Tina will be immensely concerned with her first opportunity to go to prom.

AND THUS the perfect opportunity for Louise to get wrapped up in another Fischoeder family mystery!! 🐟🐠

Now I’m diving to what I want 😆 I neeedddd a Fischoeder mystery that reveals some secrets about their past and parents 👀 that would be the best thing :0 but I think Louise would need an adventure to get her out of her funk and help her deal with her feelings about growing up. I have been considering a lot of points that could happen in this type of story, and how it would tie into Gene and Tina So there will be many arts in the future of this 🐇🐟🐠

I’m a Zeke girlie, he’s a great character so I love the substitute Bob ep where we learn he’s talented in cooking! I want Zeke to be Bob’s little apprentice, to teach his amazing skills in burger making!!!! Bob would hire him as a cook and Louise would take over the business side of things.

This was bluebirbbs rambling😆 thanks for joining meeeeee 🪶

[redheadspark]

Hiiiii! Im excited to request a Christmas prompt!

May we get Ominis Gaunt with 12? Like he gets to hear his daughter sing Christmas carols and she has a beautiful singing voice just like her mother. Something cute and fluffy!

A/N - This is adorable for Ominis! I loved writing this and I hope you like reading it!

Soft

Summary - Ominis loves hearing his daughter sing

Warnings - Just fluff

“Mummy, Did it snow yet?”

“Well, shall we check?”

“Mmhmm!”

You chuckle as you and your 5 year old daughter walked over to the front door where the top half was propped open to let the winter air in.  With the clouds hanging low, looking as if it could touch the top of the Black Lake, you noticed how thick they were and the evident chill that was in the air.  You could tell snow is about to plummet down at any moment, you grinning from ear to ear as you looked from the sky over to your child.

She was a mirror image of her father: the bright blond hair that was thick and behind her ears, the nose that was straight down but was littered with freckles on the bridge and her cheeks, and her beautiful pristine green eyes that seems so bright. She was a gentle child, kind to all she met and a thirst to getting into some mischief every once in awhile.  Nora loved to be around her parents and their friends whenever they would be.  Sometimes you would find her wandering behind you when you would be off gathering herbs along the worn path by your home.

Nora was an explorer, much to the amusement of her parents. 

Ominis loving being her father, he looked forward to waking her in the morning and settling her in for her sleep.  Every time he came home from the Ministry of Magic, whether it was a good day or a bad day, he would always perk up when Nora would rush to him and hug him around the knees and grin so wide she was illuminated.  He would shrug off his cloak and occupy her as you would get dinner ready or tidy the house, thinking that the time he had with Nora was precious and fragile.  You both loved having a routine with Nora but also going on random outings and adventures from time to time.

Professor Weasley met with you one or twice recently, mostly to see Nora but to inquire you maybe getting a teaching position at Hogwarts as a Herbology Substitute.  You were profound in Herbology, Professor Garlik remembering you being one of the best in your year.  Professor Garlik was due to do on a few treks along Europe and even Asia to investigate some new species of plants and herbs that were recently discovered, and since she is one of the best herbologist in the region, it would mean she would be out of school for Long periods of times. 

Although you thought it would be amazing to be at Hogwarts again as a adjunt Professor of sorts, you were worried in leaving the house and Nora behind.  Ominis reassured you that he would be able to stay home with Nora when you were needed at the castle.  He had a flexible title at The Ministry and he could work from home, so to speak, since most of his work was delegating contracts and combing over paperwork.  Thanks to his wand, he was able to listen to the contracts and paperwork being spoken to him verses him needing to read it, a magic skill spell he learned after getting his job.

Still, you told Professor Weasley you would think about it, since you were still focused on Nora and giving her the childhood she deserved.  Thankfully, Professor Weasley fully understood, and reassured you that the position will always be available for you whenever you wanted.

“It should be any moment,” You hummed at Nora, who’s nose barely made it over the door to look up at the sky with her fingers clutching the top, “We should get the fire ready for your daddy when he come home,”

“I’ll help!” She said in excitement, running over to the pile of logs that was next to the fireplace.  You walked over to lad the fireplace, Nora handing you smaller logs as you handled the bigger tones, “When will daddy be home?”

“Anytime, dear,” You replied, then taking out your wand and lighting the fire with a flick of your wrist, “And I think tomorrow, since your daddy doesn’t have work at The Ministry, we should go into Hogsmeade and find our Christmas Tree,”

“Can we get a big one?!” Nora asked, you grinning as you gestured to the roof above the pair of you.

“Surely not one that will hit our roof, dear,” You advised her, seeing her giggled as she nodded her head, “How about one a pinch smaller, and we can add the ornaments that we got for it, how about that?”

“Okay!  Can I get some of them ready?” Nora asked sheepishly as you kissed the top of her head.

“Sounds like a good idea.  You’re in charge of the ornaments while I’ll get supper ready, okay?  Be sure to be careful with the ornaments, they’re fragile,” You reminded Nora as she nodded and walked over to the kitchen table, grabbing the box of ornaments that was perched at the corner.

“Yes, Mummy,” She hummed over her shoulder, her blond hair flowed with her movement as you dusted your hands and got up from kneeling in front of the fireplace.  Walked to the kitchen you started working on dinner, getting out the veggies you harvested the week prior and mincing them for a stew as well as some herbs that you stored.  Knowing that snow was on its way, you were thinking that a stew would be perfect for the evening.  

While you were working on the stew, you could faintly hear Nora singing to herself.

“JIngle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way…”

Her little voice rang out in the small room, you grinning from ear to ear for the sound of her voice and how it sounded so light.  Nora was always vocal, since she was a baby she would find any way to make a sound or two if she could. You loved hearing her babe and screech whenever she had the chance, then talking your ears off from sunrise to sunset with thousands of questions.

“Mummy, can I have my own Niffler?”

“When can I learn how to fly, Daddy?”

“Is there really a giant squid that lives in the lake?”

But the one trait you loved about Nora that you never saw coming, was her singing.  She loved to singing, any song that popped in her head she could sing and have no shame.  Yet her singing voice was soothing and light, almost like bells or the twinkle of lights.  Ominis claimed she got her singing talents from you since he was fan of when you would sing.  You rarely did, but you knew he meant well. 

Nora sang to herself some more, touching the ornaments with her small fingers while you got the broth boiling in the massive pot over the fire before you would add the veggie.  You are thankful she was a child that would keep herself busy throughout the day or when you were too busy to play with her.  She also went on playdates with the other children in the hamlet, as well as Natty’s children when they would come to visit.  But in the end, Nora loved being at home with her parents, it was her safe haven and place of familiarity.  

You faintly heard a noise from the door, you looking over briefly to see none other than Ominis at the open door.  He was in his Ministry robes and a large cloak, his bag over his shoulder as he looked as if he had a rough day with the dark circles under his eyes. You were about to call out to him, welcome him home, but you saw that his attention was taken by something.

Or someone.  Nora and her singing.

He loved hearing her sing, almost tilted his head in her direction as she would sing any song that popped in her head.  It would bring him joy to hear her melodies or the way she would raise her voice up and down.  He claimed it was something his Aunt would do, sing on a whim.  You could tell it was something that he adored when he came to Nora, a way to lift his spirits and bring him happiness out of pain.  

Ominis’s head was tilted in her direction, Nora still singing to herself as she fiddled with the ornament in her hands and her legs are kicking under her at the chair.  He was smiling, a rare kind of smile that you know he would only have for her and her alone.  You loved seeing that smile, a dimple on his cheek and his teeth evident.  It was a joy and honor to see him happy again after a long road of rebuilding his life and changing his ways and the pains of his past for a better future.  A future that involved his love for you, and from that love your daughter.  

The two loves of his life. 

Finally, after a long moment or two, he pushed open the door.  The door creaked, Nora looking over and grinning widely.

“DADDY!”  She yelled, hopping down from her chair and rushing to her father. You watched as he knelt down to pick her up in his arms, snuggling her close as the first snowflakes fell from the sky to signal that start of snowfall.  All was well in your home, the three of you together with nothing else coming to snuff out the light that was felt.

The End

[yandereunsolved]

Hello there I don't know if you take requests or not but what if reader was a yandere instead of the Links

If you do more than one character in one fic or something can I request this with Time, Deity, wild, and four

Obsession Is In The Name - ,, yandere reader w/ (separate) Time, Fierce, Wild, & Four

cw(s): yandere themes, suggestive themes, graphic gore

— Time —

✧ You most likely fell for him after he saved you. You weren't close to him during his journey—well,  not physically close, at least. You had stalked him while he was saving Hyrule. You'd do odd jobs and stock up on supplies to conveniently leave near him. You'd patch him up when he was sleeping and cuddle with him as well. It was like both of you were forbidden lovers because he is the hero and you are his devoted stalker.

✧ You are always there to valiantly defend him. After his toughest journey, you make sure to murder all those who question his ways. You read an awful prophecy on the walls of a temple that both of you visited on his journey. Sure, he wasn't aware you were there with him, but you both still visited together. That thought—the thought of him turning into some strange thing with bulky armor—only made you more protective. You became increasingly paranoid and sloppy in your killings.

✧ Which led you to murder Malon, Time's girlfriend. You carved her heart out of her chest and stabbed it until it was nothing more than unidentifiable chunks of flesh. You dumped her body in some deep, murky lake water. She deserved it! That bitch deserved it. You wanted to dig your eyes out of your skull whenever you saw the two of them together. You just couldn't handle it anymore. She must be the reason he turns into the Hero's Shade. She doesn't give him a worthy offspring to teach. She doesn't help him spread the news of his heroic adventures. She doesn't watch over him and protect him when the nights grow long and the cold nips at his figure. You had to save him from her and himself. He didn't really love her. She was just a substitute for you. After all, if the hero is so busy protecting everyone else, who will protect him?

✧ Ganondorf saw that in you. He saw your obsession as something he could use to corrupt you. This wasn't Time's Ganondorf. This was another version of him. One in a dimension that was trying to take over every other time line. You were initially disgusted when he invaded your dreams. He was clearly trying to manipulate you into joining his side. You were livid at the thought of betraying Time. So you killed him! You crossed dimensions just so when he woke up, you could be above him. There was a look that was so crazed in your eyes that it would rival the one seen in Cia's toward Warriors. 

You didn't feel bad either. He was simply scum. You were helping this different Hyrule. Their Link would surely be grateful for you. Even if this version of Link didn't know it, it was you who mercilessly slaughtered Ganon. Each of his body parts put on spikes of Hyrule Castle, as a reminder, no version of Ganondorf may touch your Link.

✧ You came back after a while. You aren't sure how long. The whole dimension-hopping thing isn't as easy as it looks. You look for Link, and you can't find him. You call out Time, Link, baby, sweetheart, darling, and no one answers. An acidic, bitter feeling rises in your throat. It feels as if someone shoved a bunch of hot Goron coals down your throat.

You don't sleep that night. You can't.

You run around in a crazed manner for the next few weeks. You threaten anyone you can get your hands on. You make sacrifices for whomever will listen. As long as its name isn't Ganon or Ganondorf, you would align. 

You were on your way to some hidden temple to try and sacrifice something to an evil deity when you slipped and fell into a portal. You weren't even able to scream. It was cut short as you ended on top of your Time, your Link, your love until the end of time itself.

✧ You became acquainted with the other versions of him. Awe doesn't even begin to describe how you were feeling or how you continue to feel at this absolute miracle. You found him, and there are other hims. Time was much more concerned than astounded. He was frantically checking over you, worried that a villager he had only spoken to a handful of times got dragged into this mess. So what if he only sees you as a villager right now? He's just pretending. He loves you! He's smothering you in attention and concern. 

He even gets the one Link, Hyrule, to give you a health examination. You weren't exactly thrilled to be separated from him for a short period of time, but it was because your Link cares, so it's okay.

✧ You grow closer to Time, and he even allows you to call him Link in private! You get to see him out of his armor, and you aren't even stalking him! It's a gift from the golden three, for sure. He has such well-defined muscles and an athletic body, even after all the hits and illnesses he has been through. 

He is protective of you. He doesn't allow monsters to kill you. He doesn't allow the other Links to question or offend you. He even threatened Legend once after Legend got aggressive with you because you broke one of those trinkets of his! You did it on purpose, but Time doesn't have to know that.

✧ That is just one of the ways you keep the other versions of Link away from you. You walk the fine line between polite and rude, caring and vicious, towards all of them except for Time and, oddly enough, Twilight. You enjoy his pleasant company. It almost feels as if he is kin to you. You have the same inclinations around him as you do around your Link, except in a more platonic manner.

You like it.

Getting rid of Malon was worth it. There's no way Time is going to turn into that hideous monster. Learning that Twilight is a descendent of Time only affirms your past agrecious behavior. You must have started a family with him! Twilight may literally be kin to you.

✧ You still threaten anyone outside of The Chain. It is an instinct for you. You had to slip up one of these days. You did, and you regret it. Link found you midway into murdering someone who had flirted with him. You didn't feel any remorse for the person, only remorse that Link now felt conflicted. 

It won't stop you from committing these vile acts in the future, even if he asks you to. Sometimes your darling is wrong, and that's okay. That's why you are here—to protect him and save him from when he is wrong.

✧ He chose to confront you about your strange tendencies in private. When he questioned you, you confessed. He recoiled with disgust in his eyes. He thought of you as a child who needed to be guided. You needed to be saved from yourself. Why couldn't you see that?

"I see myself as your guardian. You can't simply throw around the word 'love' to get out of the consequences for your actions."

Throw around the word?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

YOU DIDN'T JUST USE THE WORD! YOU LOVE HIM MORE THAN HE HATES THE MOON. YOU HAVE SEEN HIM AT HIS WORST, AND STILL YOU LOVE HIM. YOU HAVE KILLED AND TORTURED AND DONE UNSPEAKABLE THINGS FOR HIM.

He thinks of you as a child?

If anything, he is the child.

✧ Perhaps Legend could finally be of use after all. You simply stole a few potions, tweaked a few things after learning magical cooking from Wild, and voilà, a love-inducing amnesiac potion was invented. You mixed it in with some Hylian dressing and made sure that he had some on his salad one night. 

Look!

The hearts in his eyes—you can practically see them. He now loves you just as you love him! You'll deal with The Chain, do everything, and then go back to your Hyrule. You'll settle down with him, and everything will be perfect. You have your Link. He's your happy ending. Just you and him, until the end of time.

— Fierce —

☾ Fierce has known you since the beginning. So the first time that spark of obsessive love appeared in your eyes, he knew. You are his devoted follower. You are the only one allowed to live and guard their temple. He was indifferent to your existence at first. He has had many mortals fall to their knees and beg him for his seed within them—womb or not. Yet none have stayed with him through their most vulnerable and weakest moments. His indifference slowly changes into something he isn't familiar with. He knows he should have cast you out the first time he saw you cry, but he didn't. They are a deity of war but also protection. They couldn't just cast their little priest(ess) out.

☾ You slay any entity that enters this place of divinity and worship. You find no difference in one of their followers or one of Ganon's monstrosities. They are all threats in need of elimination. A friend could easily turn foe if you aren't cautious enough. There can only be one mortal residing within the walls of their temple, one priest(ess).

☾ He is pleased by your devotion to him. He rewards you with his mask. The one item that no one possesses but you. To adorn his mask is to become one with him. That is a blessing you can never repay him for. You treat it as if it were made of glass, despite it being stronger than any Hylian or Twili armor. You never wear it within the temple. Being graced with the sense of his presence is enough. You only place the mask on when you need to slay many of Ganon's monstrosities at once. 

That has only happened twice, and you have little memory of it. The one thing you do remember from both of those times is how invigorated you felt. Unstoppable. Perfectly at peace. It was as if every trouble and doubt you had were simply nonexistent.

Your hands often find their way to the mask. You don't wear it; you simply allow your fingers to graze over the surface of it. You gained the permanent markings of the mask after your first time using it. You always touch the marks on your face and trace over them. It could be the material of the mask or your flesh; you were marked by him. It made you feel a sense of completeness you had never known before. It is so incredibly safe within the temple of the Fierce Deity, for you at least.

☾ They find themself amused by your reverence. It sparks more interest in them. They find themself often teasing you in various ways. He will ghost your body with spiritual touches. He'll leave notes for you around his temple. He'll ask you the most invasive and downright mortifying questions, and you will willingly answer. It only spurs him to be more attentive toward you. They say it a lot. It just does.

Your mortal antics greatly amuse them. They would never willingly admit that you are the priest(ess) he holds most dear to his heart over the several that he has had. It makes them want to move forward in this strange 'relationship' you both are in.

☾ So he leaves you needy. He doesn't pity the way your soul begs for him either. They're purposefully being obtuse. They need you to sink down to your knees once again and pour your heart out. Only then can he give you a fraction of the affection that you desire and then disappear once again.

It is what his entire being craves. They need dominance and control. You cannot protect someone if they have a chance of disobeying you. You have shown that he could kill you and toss you into the deepest depths, and you'd still follow him with a broken mind and body.

☾ As time goes on, he begins to indulge in your mortal needs. He gives you affection and tender love through his blank stare and empty heart. They grace you with their hylian form. They are easily able to manipulate it, but he knows your preferences well by now. He can see your eyes bulge out of your head and your body grow faint.

You worship him in any way you are able when he appears in his hylian form. He is still well over seven feet tall. It's deeply intimidating and slightly arousing if you had to speak the truth.

☾ You are his little pet—wait. That isn't the right term, is it? Non-deities prefer the term partner or spouse. You are his small 'malewife', if he is remembering the definitions correctly. He may be a deity, but he hasn't had the time to keep up with the evolving languages of the other races. Still, you are his, and he is enough of yours.

You are such a submissive thing for him. You're so ready and eager to get your hands on something and slaughter it to get his praise.

☾ He thrives within your bewitched nature. The pure violence that emanates from your soul when something dares question him is arousing, to say the least. You and the deity both grow closer. There is one thing he makes known to you: you can be as impassioned as you'd like, but his word is law. You cannot go against it, as it is an extent of him. Not that you ever would. You love him too much.

— Wild —

ღ Death Moutain, the Hot Springs, where you met your darling Wild. You had come across a side of the mountain covered in malice, with three large, fiery chuchus ambushing you from behind. You had to escape across the malice, and you became drenched in it. Your footsteps were weary and unstable; you fell into the healing springs as your legs gave out.

When breaking the surface of the water after your wall, you were met with a completely nude Wild. Your eyes widened as you sheepishly averted your gaze from his. You would soon learn that his wounds were so extensive that he had to be carried down here by a Goron. Fireblight Ganon was the monster you would soon learn of that he had slayed. He freed Divine Beast Vah Rudania.

This was the hero from those stories? The hero that was asleep for a hundred years. You couldn't take your eyes off of him.

ღ You didn't know much Hylian sign, but you got the essence of what he was saying. You both were lone travelers, so you decided to stick together that day. Wild was naturally overprotective of you, for reasons you could only assume. Your heart slowly inched closer to his, and after waiting for him to free Divine Beast Vah Rutain Zora's Domain, you realized how important he became to you. 

You became even more overprotective of him than he was of you. You would be quick to fury at anyone who made any slight toward him. He couldn't even interact with any townsfolk without you hovering, one hand always firmly placed on your weapon. Your attraction to him was quickly spiraling into something far more dangerous.

ღ Wild knows it's toxic, but he still soaks up every last ounce of affection you bestow upon him. He's been starved of affection and love for the last hundred years. Only half of his memories are back, and even those ones seem to be devoid of any type of love. He had the other champions, but they didn't seem to fill his soul with joy, even though he deeply cared for them in a platonic sense.

He practically purrs when you touch him. His body leans into your embrace. He wants to take in your scent and keep you close to him forever. He is just in need, and you are willing to provide it so readily. His eyes water, and tears threaten to escape when you speak such sweet words to him. 

You promise to never leave him. That's the one thing that makes him sob.

He always signs back something even sweeter than whatever left your mouth. He feels as if he could conquer any enemy when he sees you learning how to communicate with him. No one has done that for him. Zelda knew some, as he remembers, but she still preferred to just speak and not sign to him. You're getting better every time you do so. He just wants to smother you, but he refrains.

ღ After each day, the two of you cuddle. It doesn't matter where you are—on the ground or in a stable bed. He shyed away from your touch in the beginning. You both consented to cuddle, but the monsters within his mind caused him to retreat back to his internal shrine. He feared that you would be disgusted by the many scars that adorn his body. He was more scarred than unmarred flesh.

You didn't flinch or have an expression of contempt on your features when you saw him without his tunic. You have already seen some of his scars before, at the hot spring, and when you needed to patch him up. You weren't aware they were so extensive. Still, you accepted him and his body the way it is. You lovingly traced his scars that first night, and he has been hooked ever since.

It is the thing he cherishes. Whenever you two needed to sleep, it became his favorite time. He just couldn't believe you were so intrigued by them. You always told him that you'd love him and his body, no matter what. You wanted him to eat more so he could regain fat and muscle. You wanted to find a proper healer so that he could get checked up on. You were somewhat of a healer, but not proficient within the means of the title.

He always has nightmares, and you soothe him. He prefers laying on top of you in a defensive manner, so he can soak up your warmth, but if the two of you have to sleep on the ground or another rough surface, he prefers you laying on top or to his side. He wants to save you from the discomfort. You deserve it. 

ღ Not everything with you can be so perfect. You have your flaws, as does he. So he has to do his best to keep you in line. He has to learn how to act like a disappointed parent. That seems to make you rethink any rash decisions you may want to make.

He has a ground rule of 'no killing any non-enemies'. It is the hardest rule for you to follow. It's even harder, considering he's found that you are quite clever about murdering people behind his back. He refuses to give you attention for a little while after you kill someone. He does his best to seem firm in his actions, but he can't deprive himself of you for too long. So it's the blank stare that works the best. You always feel guilty and apologize.

He'll have to find better methods in the future to keep you docile. He just has to stop feeling so honored when you murder someone for him.

ღ When the time comes, you help him through the arduous Hyrule Castle. You let him lead because he somewhat remembers some of the groundwork. You are able to sneak past most of the monsters. They don't seem to pay you any mind. You find Zelda's diary before he does, and you shove it in your bag. You later light it on fire and let it burn. She had some very romantic things to say about Link. You didn't appreciate that.

ღ You weren't allowed to follow him to defeat Calamity Ganon. He expressly forbade you from doing so. So you helped him fight Calamity Ganon anyway. You covered his back and kept Ganon distracted with arrows. Both of you narrowly survived. 

It was just something you had to do for him. You couldn't let him die. If he died, you wanted to die right next to him in the glory of battle. After the entire thing, the both of you cried and clung to each other. 

Of course Zelda had to come in and ruin this sacred moment between you two.

ღ Zelda was now freed. She said that your services were no longer needed. Her and Wild needed to go rebuild Hyrule. Zelda knew what you were. She had been watching over Link during his entire journey. She sensed what you were and what happened to you. She saw you burn her journal and the pure contempt in your soul whenever his name was mentioned within her inky letters.

It was very intense between you two. Only the Master Sword would be able to cut through the thickened tension rising in the air.

Wild did his best to calm the both of you. He defended you and thought Zelda was just acting jealous. He knows you have your quirks, but you didn't abandon him when he needed you. You can continue to travel with him. That's his decision, and it's final in its making.

ღ You reluctantly travel alongside Zelda with him. You constantly threaten Zelda behind his back. You do it most when Link is sleeping. You will make thinly veiled threats under the guise of passiveness. They are so vague that Zelda has no ground to stand on when trying to convince Wild of your corrupted nature. 

Zelda is unable to keep herself safe from your assaults due to her weakened magic. You try to slit her throat, and she cannot put up a barrier to protect herself. She makes it out with a thin cut along her collarbone. You lie, and Wild believes that Zelda got hurt, and it wasn't your doing. 

You do it again with poison, then fire, and you even tried to murder her by pushing her over a cliffside. 

As abruptly as the attacks had started, they stopped. You stop making attempts at her life. Zelda is even more on edge. She is just waiting for you to strike again. She knows what you are. She would never trust something like you.

ღ Zelda gets so paranoid that she allows the two of you to venture on your own. She needs to come up with a plan since Wild won't listen to her. You move into his home in Hateno Village. It's lovely that you both are able to settle in for a while. Your romantic relationship is official! You are able to keep him to yourself most days. You make him stay home more and more. He is content with it. He gets overwhelmed when he has to walk into the village and be bombarded by everyone's questions and praises. Some even try to degrade him for his first failure. That villager or villagers who insulted him always go missing the next day. Wild doesn't mind it so much now. 

ღ He has to begin to take care of you. You come down with a strange illness. It isn't deadly, from what you are able to tell. Your skin becomes more red, with a strange tint to it. Your irises change to so dark a color that people feel as if they are looking at death when met with your eyes. You become easily exhausted, so you only leave the house at night. You become more violent and unhinged. You nearly kill Wild.

ღ You thought you scared him off, but almost instantly he forgave you. He couldn't blame you for something you couldn't control. Purah diagnosed you with gloom disease, an infection created from malice that spreads throughout one's body and turns them into a puppet for evil. It's impossible that you would have a disease like that. Calamity Ganon has been defeated. It must be an aftereffect from your original time being poisoned by the malice.

ღ He pledges to stay by your side and help you regain your health. He doesn't need the villagers, Sidon, or even Zelda. All he needs is you. Your relationship isn't perfect, but you both still try to make it work. How unfortunate that it will leave him in tears as the kingdom falls once again.

— Four —

ꨄ︎ You first met Four by complete accident; you both had an order of the same forging material, but they didn't have enough, so you ended up splitting the amount of materials until the next shipment of them came in. You thank the goddesses every day for that accident. You believe it was fated. It had to be fated. The two of you were meant to be. 

ꨄ︎ After an awkward apology, the two of you began to talk. You connected instantly; well, that's what you tell yourself. You told him about your dreams of becoming a blacksmith. You were just a novice, so Four offered to take you under him as an apprentice. The orders were multiplying by the day, and he did need an extra pair of hands.

ꨄ︎ You became entranced by the way he worked and the complete concentration in his multicolored eyes. His frame may have been small, but it was well built. You have to wipe the drool spilling over your lips multiple times a day. You manage to get so lost in admiring him that you've tuned out the words forming on his chapped lips.

You want to get his lips so wet with your own. So badly. You need to kiss him.

"Ahem—did you get all that?"

You could only nod in embarrassment and end up clumsily executing whatever he had instructed you to do. Four just took this as you being inexperienced. You seemed so focused when he was talking. You must just be a slow learner. That's okay. He can work with that.

ꨄ︎ You always overwork yourself. It is something he has chastised you for before. You still do it over and over and over again just to hear those worried words escape his mouth. You take pride in them. You do it just to see him gently stop you and ask you why you do this to yourself. You could 'you' and go into an extensively in-depth monologue about your never-ending devotion to him, but you just settle for some generic answer. The sore muscles and burnout are always worth it, just because you do it for him and you get rewarded with his attention, which you covet so religiously.

ꨄ︎ The best part of being his apprentice, coupled with the fact that your brain can't admire and listen to him at the same time, is when he guides your movements and teaches you. Him physically touching you, his back pressed against yours, his calloused hands adjusting your movements. It's enough to make you want to beg for him to touch you more. You can't help it. He's so hot, both in the metaphorical and literal sense. 

ꨄ︎ It leads you to begin following him to his cottage at the end of the workday. You wouldn't call it stalking per se; you are simply people—person watching. You are observing your mentor and learning from him. That's all. It becomes a routine. Four knows something is off, and it causes him stress. He does his best to figure out who is following him home, but you are clever with your use of stealth potions and noise-suppressant clothing. Four becomes so distressed that, after he comes home one day, he splits. 

You were so surprised that you nearly fell off your hiding perch. You leaned in and tried your best to listen to them bickering. You only got bits and pieces of what they were saying. The Red one was mentioning your name a lot. It only seemed to be in a positive way, given the fact that his voice was pitched upward and he was bouncing on the balls of his feet. You may not have known much about this strange split, but you did know that you were going to use it to your advantage.

ꨄ︎ It isn't necessarily a bad thing that you are inflicting anguish on him, right? You are just doing it to learn more about your esteemed mentor. You also just can't stop. It was first when you noticed that his eye colors shifted out of harmony when he was troubled. You soon deduced that each color must correspond with those people that split from him. You did little things to agitate him. You'd make sure he didn't know, of course. It's just that the orders kept arriving late, project plans disappeared, and finished pieces suddenly broke or had chips in them. It was enough to turn his internal, perfected harmony into the dying screeches of an alley cat. 

So he split right in front of you by complete accident.

ꨄ︎ All four of them froze up and just stared at you with wide eyes. Your nose began to bleed. There are four of them. You are in love with four people—well, four parts of one person. It was just too much for you. They are all so gorgeous. You nearly fall, and Vio catches you. While he holds you against his muscular frame, they continue to argue about the problems that have been going on. They say they have to get to the bottom of this. Oh. You'd love it if they got to the bottom of it.

ꨄ︎ A routine forms from it. You help them solve the problems you create. You look like a hero to all of them. You are always so caring and soft with them. You help heal any burns he gets from the forge; you are always attentive; and there is never a moment where a compliment doesn't leave your mouth about him and his smithery.

You are slowly integrated into the more intimate aspects of his life. Anytime they split, which is rarely, you help mediate the arguments. You aren't partial to any of the Colors since you love them all. It is a dangerous toxin for you. You learn so much about him and about them that you begin to feel sick when away from his presence. It's a disease that affects both your heart and mind, threatening to drive you into insanity unless you heal it with his time and touch.

ꨄ︎ You cannot handle any competition. Anything that gets within his vicinity ends up dead the next day. You aren't even able to restrain yourself any longer. You'd stop doing it if he asked, maybe. However, that'd require him to know what you are doing for him. You want him to know, but you don't know how hurt he would be if he did.

ꨄ︎ What solution can you find to that? Enchanted items. You gift him small trinkets that have been enchanted. You play it off as something small. You are merely being as good-natured as always. Some have protection enchantments, others ward off bad energy, and even one that will supposedly attract him more to you. You are incredibly careful about making sure none of the enchantments are too strong. It still has to be your little secret. In your defense, you are only working in his best interest.

ꨄ︎ Four asks the Minish to help him figure out what is happening. They tell him the truth. They have known it was you all along. They were just too terrified to tell him. You look so scary.

What?

It shatters his insides. He splits.

Their reactions to your yandere tendencies are mixed.

Red thinks that it is kind of sweet. You may be slightly insane, but you treat them all so well. You deserve a second chance. All Four needs to do is talk it out with you.

Blue wants to have you locked up for what you have done. It is insanity as Red said. You need to be stopped immediately. Who knows how far you will go? They have already dealt with Vaati. They don't need a copy of that situation all over again.

Green does his best to calm the two down. Red and Blue are getting into a heated argument, and more strife in this situation won't solve anything. A part of him agrees with Red, and the other with Blue. You have been so kind, but your actions are unjust. He just feels betrayed.

Vio is impressed. He wants to know the extent of this infatuation you have with Four. He won't lie and say that he isn't attracted to your possessiveness. Something about it just makes him hotter than the heat in the forge.

ꨄ︎ They stay split for the night as none of them can come to an agreement. Any attempt at communication just ends in a screaming match. It's a blessing that this is one of the few nights where you weren't able to stalk him home due to your schedule of killing the people that got too close to him.

It was that night that not only did they learn of your true nature, but it was also the night in which the plan to truly test you was put in place. It was Shadows doing, as always. Shadow popped up next to Vio and convinced him to truly test your limits. Vio was both surprised and relieved to see him again. He thought he was—that he was gone. Shadow has just been watching all of them in the darkness.

Vio could almost chuckle. How typical of him.

ꨄ︎ So in the morrow hours Vio leaves his counterparts and goes to the forge. He sees you there, but acts as if he doesn't. He heavily flirts with one of the customers. He could see your body language shifting to something more rigid and bitter. Shadow snuck up behind the customer and pushed them onto Vio. They both kissed, and since no one else was there but you, they continued. Vio didn't resist making out with the random buyer. He was disgusted at the fact he had to kiss another, but if it meant seeing you snap, then it was worth it.

ꨄ︎ Snap you did. One of the new swords Four had crafted earlier in the week lopped the head of the patron clean off. You didn't stop there. You grabbed Vio by the collar of his tunic and began to drag him towards Four's cottage. He didn't resist; he was more amused than anything. The rest of the Colors didn't have the same reaction. 

ꨄ︎ You got on your knees and confessed everything to them. Every little thing in your heart and mind, you spoke. You begged them, begged him, to return your affections. Yet they were in disarray. They rejected you. They rejected you? They rejected you!

You left and didn't return for a few weeks. The Colors were on edge and had a few choice words for Vio, but they reformed into Four. Everything was normal until, after a long day of work, you came up behind Four and knocked him out. You chained him to his bed with an absolutely unhinged expression in dilated pupils. 

ꨄ︎ You ignored his panic and resistance. You only cooed and took that kiss you had been so patiently waiting for. You broke. Your sanity was consumed by your devotion to Four. If he denies you his love again, you'll kill him with his Four Sword. It's romantic the more you think about it. You'd be able to keep the Four Sword if you killed him. You could keep his clothes, and he'd always be yours. His body would be yours because you would have taken his life from him. He can love you or die at your hands. It's really his choice. 𖹭𖹭𖹭𖹭

[the-chains-that-link-us]

Here's the winner of the poll! (He'll get a final polish along with the rest of the boys when I do the line up I just wanted to get this out)

The Hero Of The Wilds

Age: 133 (10ish years since the events of TotK)

Nicknames: Champion, Knight, Wildling, Chef/Cook, Hoarder, Teacher/Teach

What they’ve been doing since adventure: He fell back into his role as the Princess, now the Queen’s personal knight, accompanying her to visit the different settlements during the rebuilding efforts as well as expeditions to the depths and sky islands. He took up a position as a substitute teacher, first at the Hateno schoolhouse, then travelling around as more were built. He has continued to expand his mansion house overlooking Tarrey Town, which has expanded considerably. He has been banned from taming and registering any more horses. He never returned The Mastersword to its pedestal, worried that should he need it, it would hurt him again.

Personality notes: He is always on duty and struggles to relax unless he is cooking. He falls into old habits from before the Calamity, standing to attention or falling into parade rest and keeping watch even when they are safe. In high-stress situations or when he feels judgemental eyes on him, which is often, his selective mutism will return. Habits he picked up as a teacher will also slip in, chastising bad language and giving info dumps lectures. He is the most religious of the heroes, stopping to pray regularly. On the rare chance he does relax he is a true wildling, pulling pranks and showing off. he still eats rocks.

>>>> Join The Patreon <<<<

[starrypockets]

Thinking about how perfectly a PacRim au would work with stancest (heavy PacRim spoilers below the cut)

Stan and Ford find out they're drift compatible due to being twins, and they enlist into the program to get away from Filbrick and because it carries that sweet taste of adventure and glory they always craved as kids. They get to the program, run some simulators and some bo staff fights, lo and behold, they're exceptionally compatible by all known projections (wonder why. couldn't possibly have anything to do with their deeply repressed and undying love for each other combined with their shared memories growing up together. nah.)

Here they also meet and befriend Fiddleford, an engineer working on the Jaeger program. Things go great for a while, until Ford starts expressing desire to study the Kaiju, veering dangerously close to idolizing them for their biologically perfect design. Stan is vehemently against this and only wants to focus on killing them. They have a huge fight and they both get kicked out of the Jaeger program.

Stan fucks off and learns to make a living chasing kaiju landfalls and selling off uncannily convincing fake Kaiju parts and materials at obscene prices to whatever Kaiju groupies roll through town in the wake of destruction to worship their "gods." (They remind too fucking much of Ford.) He pockets enough for himself and donates the rest to the victims of the attacks.

This goes on for a few years, until a Kaiju attack obliterates his hometown and kills his parents, brother, and sister in law. Leaving only their 2 young children, only 7 years old. Twins. Dipper and Mabel Pines. (Yes I'm screwing with the timeline here. It will happen again.) He doesn't have any other way to make a living, and they don't have anyone else to go to. So Stan sells El Diablo, uses the money to buy a junk RV, fixes it up, and takes the twins with him on a cross country adventure of heroic conning. Along the way, they encounter Soos, Wendy, Candy, Grenda, and the rest.

In the meantime, Ford works with Fiddleford to develope a pons that can allow him to drift with a recently dead kaiju. It takes a few years, but they finally create it. (By this time Ford has become the highest knowledge of Kaiju biology in the world, and Fiddleford is leading the entire Jaeger engineering program.)

They drift together.

For Ford, it's ecstasy, euphoria, sublime, righteous. Finally he has been proven right, finally he knows why all the Kaiju tissue samples are genetically identical, finally he knows that there is a higher being behind the Kaiju. And that higher beings name is Bill. (Not really. His name would be impossible for any human mind to comprehend, drift or no. But Bill is a good enough substitute.) And Bill explains [insert Bill's offer here].

Unfortunately, Ford and Fiddleford's minds and memories weren't very compatible to begin with, much less with an dead alien brain from another dimension in the mix, and as the weakest willed of the 3, Fiddleford suffers permanent brain damage and amnesia.

The strength of that drift with Bill allows for them to experience ghost drifting, aka drifting during dreams. Bill teaches Ford how to make an upgraded version of the pons with less risk, and how to preserve a Kaiju specimen indefinitely so as to drift with him over and over again. The repeated drifts build a permanent neutral bridge between Ford and Bill, and Bill becomes able to take control of Ford's body, even outside of the drift. Ford becomes less and less focused on the Kaiju attacks and the people dying, and more lost in all the wonders of the multidimensional planes bill shares memories of with him.

With the lead engineer of the Jaeger program mentally obliterated, and the chief Kaiju biology researcher being possessed by a Kaiju, and the lack of support from the world's governments in favor of building a wall across the coast to block the kaiju, the Jaeger program slowly starts to collapse.

That is, until the day Ford discovers [insert horrifying Bill revelation here].

He panics and calls the one person who might be able to free Ford's mind from bill, the one person with whom he had a statistically impossible level of compatibility. The person he was the most terrified to open his mind to.

Stan.

[physalian]

How to Make Clean Romance Entertaining

@bananasugarwarrior ask and you shall receive

As an ace/arospec, I approach writing romance very differently than many authors and this is kind of my wish-fulfillment list more than anything.

Biggest detractor of implying anything in scenes you didn’t write: You don’t have those scenes to explore character development. I touched on this in What No One Tells You About Writing #6 and the problem I ran into a few times when writing ENNS and other works is that if you fade to black, you can’t continue important conversation or an exploration of boundaries, or fluffy new emotions, if they’d otherwise be in those missing scenes. Sex scenes are, unfortunately, prime real estate for some rich character development.

So you have to work all that rich character development around it. It’s up to you where you want to draw the line of “use your imagination” but everything up to the missing smut, and after, remains more prime real estate. You have loads of other options to explore clean intimacy and some I borrowed from this list that I reblogged about ways to show non-sexual intimacy between characters.

There’s more to a relationship to explore between your characters than just how good each other is in the bedroom. Here’s a few suggestions:

Tragic Backstory stuff and emotional boundaries

One teaching the other a niche or important skill to succeed/survive

A common physical threat, like monetary problems, job insecurity, sickness, or an actual challenge/quest/adventure/mission

A common emotional threat, like a lack of communication, or exercising an anxiety or phobia, or issues over speaking their minds

A common goal: Marriage, children, a new car or home, competing for joint acceptance into a team/group/club/prize competition

There’s also plenty for your love interests to think about their significant others aside from how sexy they are and how badly they want to get in their pants.

Introvert A can love how much B is an extrovert, or vice versa

A loves that B is good with animals, or children, the elderly, etc

A can love B’s skill and passion for their hobbies or a movement they believe in, or their stances on morality and the actions they take to back it up

A can love B’s skill as a teacher, their patience, kindness, and understanding

A can love B’s relationships with their friends and family, their maturity (or lack thereof), their work ethic

A can love B’s quirks and tics, like how they organize things or if they sing in the shower or how they dance when they’re listening to headphones

Point being:

And take this with a grain of biased salt because I’m ace and think sex is superfluous anyway: If you can’t write your characters in love with each other without sex, I won’t believe they’re in love with sex. Fiction, for me, that takes the narrative shortcut of “these two are the main couple of course they’re going to get together, I don’t have to do any work on writing why they’re in love you just came here for sex” annoy me, and quite a lot of other people, too, if the amount of gay ships that ignore the canon hetero couple are anything to go by.

The arc of their relationship doesn’t have to culminate in sex. Their arc should be specific to what these two characters want to achieve out of a romantic relationship. For a lot of people, that’s sex, but for others, maybe it’s just someone to cuddle on the couch with and watch movies, or someone they can finally trust and let in and be emotionally vulnerable with. Someone they can explore the town with, or travel, or take to dinner. Someone who doesn’t belittle them or laugh at them or disregard their interests.

Substitute relationship climaxes other than sex:

A finally trusts B with a secret they’ve been hiding for fear of ridicule, and B accepts them wholeheartedly (not Liar Revealed)

A and B finally perfect some routine they’ve been slaving over for months (like a dance or if they’re combat partners, a difficult maneuver)

A has been in love, but in doubt, and finally understands that B is The One when B is the only one to show up for A’s big speech/recital/presentation/gallery that no one else cares about

A has never let themselves be in love and it’s something wholly unspectacular that completely bowls them over with an epiphany

A is touch-averse and their biggest leap into physical intimacy is a huge hug, and B can’t be prouder of them

A and B narrowly survive some dangerous situation and have a serious realignment of priorities and newfound mad respect for each other

Actually, circling back to the whole “gay ships that ignore the canon hetero couple” thing:

This has been said before but if you’re looking for how to write a romantic relationship without sex, look no further than the male leads of many mainstream pieces of pop culture. Here, the presumption of romance isn’t built in, thus the writer has to actually put in effort to make these two characters like and respect each other, and give them things to talk about that isn’t just flirting. That’s what makes them feel more believable than the main man’s relationship with the cardboard lady lead.

[midnight-blue-goth]

Duncan as a girl dad vs boy dad headcanons

(I will never get tired of doing this)

*rubbing hands* hehehehe

Duncan as a Girl Dad

Willing to endure hours of travel just to track down the specific doll or toy his daughter wants. No shortcuts, no substitutes—the one she asked for, or nothing at all.

The ultimate karma: his daughters are obsessed with boy bands, the same ones he used to make fun of. Now? He’s at their concerts, surrounded by screaming fans and forced to listen to pop music. Is he suffering? Maybe. Is he letting his daughter (and quite possibly her girlfriends) go alone? Absolutely not.

Spending forever outside makeup stores and clothing shops? Check. Complaining? Not an option, his daughter would murder him if he so much as thought about leaving.

Duncan gives her an allowance, yet he has no idea how she keeps affording the ridiculous amount of stuff she buys. (Sorry Duncan, your daughter is already a business mastermind.)

He becomes her personal chauffeur at all hours. He doesn’t say no… until she starts learning to drive herself. And oh boy, she’s terrifying behind the wheel. Not because she’s nervous...quite the opposite. Road rage in a teenage girl package.

She wants to be an influencer, mimicking her favorite content creators. Duncan tries to talk her out of it. "It’s just a hobby, trust me, you don’t want to be famous." Does she care about her old dad’s opinions? Nope.

Does she know her dad was famous once? Yeah. Does she care? No. She thinks he was cringe and had terrible fashion sense.

When it comes to romance, Duncan lost the plot a long time ago. Every day, it’s a new drama—one crush today, a new ‘ick’ tomorrow. She’s juggling three different people who are giving her gifts, but "It’s not that serious, Dad. You wouldn’t get it."

Duncan thought he’d have to scare boys away from his house, but nope! His daughter already has them wrapped around her finger.

Duncan as a Boy Dad

Way more hands-off and confrontational. No sugarcoating, no bullshit. Having grown up with brothers, he already knows how this goes.

They start some kind of collection together—knives, postcards, vinyl records, you name it. It’s their thing.

They get way too into the idea of a zombie apocalypse. It starts as a fun interest but escalates quickly. They make legit survival plans. Stockpiling canned food, setting up a radio frequency, even keeping a gasoline reserve. They feed into each other’s paranoia until his son inevitably moves on to a new fixation.

Duncan isn’t into sports—especially watching them—but after dealing with competitive dads, he starts giving his son alternative strategies. If the other dads want to take things so seriously, fine... Duncan will teach his kid how to bend the rules just enough to make the other kids look stupid.

After the zombie phase, they move on to motorcycles. Duncan, knowing how to build one from scratch, takes his son under his wing and helps him build his own. He does insist on a helmet… but only when people are watching.

They live close to a forest with a lake and a waterfall—their spot. Duncan regularly challenges his son to jump off the cliff. The first time, his son is terrified, but instead of offering encouragement, Duncan calls him a chicken and shoves him. It works—the kid jumps and loves the rush. From there, the daredevil stunts only escalate.

Adventure is a way of life. Climbing trees, road-tripping, sneaking into abandoned places. If it’s risky, they’re doing it.

School? Yeah, they get in trouble for missing it. Duncan’s philosophy: life is learned outside a classroom, not behind a desk. He gets why it’s important, but still. Homeschooling even crosses their minds at some point, just to have more freedom.

When it comes to dating, Duncan doesn’t stress. Standard advice: "Be smart. Don’t get anyone pregnant." Beyond that? His son can figure it out on his own.

First heartbreak hits hard. Duncan laughs at first—until he realizes his son is genuinely crushed. Seeing him actually cry, Duncan dials back the teasing and offers some real advice. "You’ll have more fish to fry, my guy.

✨More headcanons✨

[subteach1]

Me: How's your work going?

Kid: Good.

Me: Where is it?

Kid: Over there.

Me: How can you work on it if it's over there?

Kid: Telepathy.

[castlingvanias]

How would the episodes The Loser of The Center of The World and Substitute Teacher be like in your Cousinswap Au (for The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy)? (I am very interested)

hi i was planning to illustrate the answers but i plan on doing an actual in universe qna soon so have this leftover for now,

i imagine the episode loser from earth's core would have gladys leave her family and staying at jr's house but for very different reasons from nergal, basically for gladys the catalyst for her leaving is harold accidentally eating sniffles (her pet who's a demon monster thing in this au) it drove her mad to the point of leaving her own house and planning to just stay with jr's family possibly forever,

but just like in canon they dont want her ass there so she gotta go, grim. jr, nigel, and sis "teaches her about emotions" and convinced her being w harold isnt as bad as being alone and how his and billy's stupidity is just a price to pay for someone else's company (their asses fake as hell they just want her to leave none of them actually believes this shit) and so she came back to the center of the earth and stuff probably just repeats or smth

as for substitute teacher, i might drop the whole ms butterbean thing and just focus on sperg, i imagine billy isnt as restraining of his own powers unlike canon jr so when sperg threatened him he just idk fight back in a way tho not rly fight as billy barely see it as a fight more like just a rough playtime w a toy,

this scare off sperg and jr sorta starts this fake friendship w billy just so sperg wont bother him and his friends anymore, but this doesnt last long as billy also slowly got closer w mandy, and jr doesnt rly like her (they're like lowkey rivals in this au and just generally dont get along).

mandy then tells billy that his cousin is fake as hell, then junior says mandy is also not any better cuz she clearly also just want to abuse billy's power for personal gain, and then they made billy choose between the both of them,

he picked mandy because "as cool as grim is being around you nerdos made even him look lame" and left, sperg came back last minute and screen fades to black.

but yea here's my ideas sorry for the long ass post

[deceiver-a-day]

Classes Ismira Eyrebrand Substitute Teaches For

• [x] meet together with no desire to learn

• [x] find themselves thrust into a magical adventure

• [x] learn to trust and rely on each other

• [x] become enchanted by Ismira Eyrebrand

• [x] grow closer together

• [x] discover a lasting love of learning

[seldomdrawncherubs]

Callie! Any fun anecdotes with your friends you want to share? What are your favorite hobbies to do with them? If you ever meet, apart from hugging, are there any in-person activities you'd like to do?

UU: jane once sent me a cake! caliborn ate the rest of it becaUse it was his birthday too U_U.

UU: so she sent me two cUpcakes and filled his with her father's shaving cream! she had a good laUgh aboUt that!

UU: there was the time hal started to make shimejis of himself and dirk's robots and flooded oUr desktop screens with them.

UU: dirk made cUstom antivirUs software for them bUt all of Us thoUght they were cUte! he eventUally toned them down. there is still a little hal and sqUarewave on my desktop screen. i love them and i imagine they go on little adventUres when i am not looking.

UU: dirk once tried to replicate one of jane's recipes bUt sUbstitUted every crocker ingredient. the textUre made a very good replacement brick in oUr wall where caliborn pUnched it!

UU: jake made a cherUbsona once and we debated how accUrate it was for a month. he chose blUe instead of green, which i have heard some people specUlate is possible, so i saw nothing wrong.

UU: bUt his cheek spirals were lime and yoU woUld have thoUght caliborn woUld never speak with him again.

UU: either that or he was pitch crUshing. i have no idea with those two. jake coUld Use a safer qUadrant, anyhow, one who does not eat cake withoUt permission.

UU: then there is how roxy keeps planning oUr first date! she is so adorable. we will go to a place called a restaUrant by the beach and watch the sUnset together UuU. she keeps making it more elaborate, as if she cannot give enoUgh...i woUld not mind jUst spending time inside, if it were possible.

UU: that soUnds nice, too. i coUld meet her cats. she does not have to resort to Using them for meat, which seems so nice. some of them have the most adorable eyes!

UU: i want to show them my trollsona, maybe make a hUman one with jake...i think jane shoUld teach both me and dirk to bake. it woUld be wonderfUl. i coUld go on that date with roxy...

UU: UnfortUnately, hal does not have a body yet. i woUld want to make mUsic together with him.

[electronicclowncollector]

BONUS FILLER CHAPTER 5.5: Lacarde's biology class

(Warning: please don't read this)

The next day, Rogue was on his way to class. He walked in and froze as he saw who the substitute teacher. Mr Dragneel. The reason this was so bad was because today was the dreaded day they were receiving the dreaded sex talk. Rogue sat at his seat and his cheeks went red at the sight, on the board was big cursive writing that said “Sex”. In the corner was Mr Dragneel’s full name, also in cursive, “Lacarde ‘Sex Man’ Dragneel”. Nobody else calls him that but him, he’s a janitor for dragon's sake. He isn’t qualified for this talk. But then he began speaking.

“Hello students! Your previous teacher was unfortunately found to be ill from a certain poison. So that means that I, the sex man, will teach you about” Lacarde hit the board with a stick, pointing to the word “sex”. Upon further inspection, there was a sheet of black paper covering up the other half of the board, which perplexed Rogue, also making him blush with anticipation. He couldn’t help but look at Sting to see if he was as embarrassed as Rogue was. Of course not, Sting was amazing, he was practically laughing. Then Mr Dragneel pushed the sheet of paper away to reveal in big bold letters the word “GAY”.

“That’s right, ladies, you can all step outside because this lesson is for the men of the class” Mr Dragneel said, opening the door and watching as all the girls of the class begrudgingly left. “There, now. What is sex you may ask. Well, when 2 men love eachother very much, they go at it real hard and ############# ################ #################################### and then they ########### ###### ######### ###########. Now, I need 2 volunteers to demonstrate” Rogue could see doug out of the corner of his eye staring at him with his iconic smirk.

“Rogue Cheney, Grade A student, come up, I need to demonstrate how to go at it with a man safely so they don’t end up pregnant. Sting Eucliffe, you can come up too.” What a coincidence. The two reluctantly went up to the front, side by side. Rogue thought correcting the teacher might be a good idea to clear something up.

“S- s- sir?” Rogue said, getting Lacarde’s I mean sex man’s attention, “I- I don’t think men can get pregnant…”

Lacarde slapped the back of Rogue’s head. “Wrong! I have made many men pregnant in my adventures!”. Sting snickered and rogue blushed, looking down, ashamed of himself. “Now Rogue! Turn around for us to continue the demonstration!”.

Rogue slowly rotated 1 degree at a time when the bell suddenly went off, saving Rogues life.

“Alright fine, all of you get out of here!” Lacarde said annoyed, “You’ve escaped the sex man for now, but let me tell you it is not the end!”

(This isn't really tropey per se I just had the idea and wrote it)

[dailycharacteroption]

Ritualist (Pathfinder Second Edition Archetype)

(art by marcel-mercado on DeviantArt)

Ah, rituals. Originally included in First Edition’s Occult Adventures, these magical effects placed magic in the hands of anyone who understood the process, essentially a long-form version of casting to the short-form Vancian magic, where by undergoing the full ritual for the spell all at once rather than preparing the spell ahead of time with a few final trigger words, one could cast magical effects using magic in the air, allowing anyone with the proper skills able to do so if they learn the ritual itself.

However, rituals have drawbacks, and consequences if they go wrong, whether they be as simple as a long-form version of a common non-combat spell so you don’t have to prepare it or a truly unique effect, so you had best get that appropriate skill bonus nice and high.

While they were originally presented as occult lore, being somewhat obscure, anyone, even non-caster can learn and perform them, and they became even more common in 2nd edition, especially as certain spells that definitely should have been rituals in the first place became reworked as such (such as creating undead servants and other loyal servant creatures), and the whole occult thing being dropped in favor of rituals simply being a long and risky form of magic.

Naturally, however, there are those who specialize in such rituals, learning many and making sure they go off without a hitch with other benefits besides.

This archetype was originally a late-game addition to 1st edition as a prestige class, so it’s nice to see it make a return.

Additionally, the archetype also got reprinted in the Remaster, with the most major change being losing one of the higher-level feat options, which I understand. More on that later.

But in any case, if you want to play a character that learns and uses a lot of ritual magic, whether they can cast actual spells or not, this archetype can certainly be tempting, so let’s have a look, shall we?

The base dedication for this archetype, which requires expertise in at least one of the skills associated with one of the four disciplines of magic, grants greater skill in casting rituals. Additionally, their personal research into rituals grants  them access to a number of rituals for free, which grows in number and power as they do, though the personalized nature of these rituals makes them impossible to teach.

When lacking in allies to use as secondary casters, many ritualists learn to perform double duty, performing multiple roles at once, though obviously this doesn’t allow them to perform rituals they are meant to be the recipient of by themselves.

Rituals grow in difficulty as they grow in power, but these daring mystics may attempt those considered beyond their ken due to their great talent, though obviously they still risk much, perhaps more.

Time is perhaps the biggest resource consumed by ritual magic, but plenty of ritualists know how to skip past some of the less important bits to speed them up, turning a day-long ritual into hours, and cutting-down multi-day rituals.

The last thing that you want to see when you’re in the middle of casting is one fool mucking up their role. Luckily, masterful ritualists can cover for the failures of another while casting.

There’s an old internet adage that “If you can’t get fresh mandrake root, store-bought is fine”, and plenty of ritualists, through clever substitutions or efficiency with their use, can cut down on the amount of material ingredients used in a ritual as long as they succeed, which translates into less money spent as far as the rules are concerned.

The original version of the archetype also had a further upgrade to the feat that decreased ritual time, but the remastered version consolidated the benefits of that feat into the original feat, making it an upgrade that unlocks automatically once you get to the right level, which is nice.

And that’s that. The ritualist is definitely the best option if you wanna deep dive into rituals, and as long as you’ve got the right skills, you can use it with any class, though obviously true casters are the best option, while non and mildly magical classes will probably focus on rituals tied to their skill of choice. Champions paired with divine rituals, rangers with primals ones, et cetera.

Rituals come in many different forms, so to understand what sort of character would specialize in such things, one has to look at what they focus on. Powerful mages might choose a variety for academic understanding, while a champion might learn divine ones like atonement to judge others and offer them a chance of redemption, as well as minister to the rites of the faith.

Rituals are a key part of the Old Ways, and many witches specialize in them. This of course includes hags as well, and the Venebra coven treats Elder Magena, a green hag of incredible age and power, with great reverence even as her younger companions seek to supplant her and acquire her knowledge, despite not being hags themselves.

The Keepers of Infinite Mystery are devoted priests of the Scroll-Bearer, god of magic. In their greatest temples are the details of many rituals, including some that refuse to be written down, existing only via oral tradition, memorized and passed from one devotee to the next.

Something of a curiosity himself with mixed dwarven and elven lineage, Mengalar is a collector of all sorts of trinkets and obscure lore as a thaumaturge, and even knows a few rituals that can prove vital in fending off the creatures of the night.

[a-doubleh-x]

Fashionably Late Review: TADC Episode 2

Hi everyone! Welcome to Fashionably Late Reviews, where I write my thoughts on media days and days later, not because I've been in frequent dental pain, no, no, no. It's because I care for writing the most detailed, most thought through analysis you're ever gonna see!

Episode 1 started us with a general introduction as well as a mini arc for Pomni. Episode 2 resumes that with a proper self contained adventure while still breaking the mold in the process.

While this episode was shorter than the pilot, the writing was so good and the emotional beats so well played, I barely took notice. It felt like a very strong second step for the series, plus it gave every character at least a small moment to shine, which was very nice.

The theme of existential dread returns once more and this time we're treated to a showcase of how characters deal with it, prominently in this case Pomni, Ragatha and Jax. Interestingly, I noticed each of these has an NPC counterpart they get along with who reflects their personality in some way.

For the rest of this review, I'm going to run one by one following their perspectives and episode arcs in order to showcase the episode's narrative.

Pomni represents existential shock and subsequent apathy. After the first episode, we see her in a cathatonic state of depression, even while Ragatha tries to wake her up from that funk. Because her entire world has been shattered, she doesn't recognize herself anymore. She feels alone because nothing has meaning anymore.

The small distraction Ragatha offers her at the beginning, the adventure of the day, is rejected because she knows it's "fake". It's a sad substitute of all the experiences in the outside eorld she' been robbed of.

This is mirrored by Gummigoo, who undergoes a similar existential crisis when he learns he's an artificial construct with no agency. At that point, everything loses meaning for him as well, but just looking at someone in the same circusmtances as her fills Pomni with empathy, momentarily taking her out of her existential dread with a connection and purpose.

She knows getting out of the out of bounds area is not going to save them on the long term, but she still wants to do it because something has meaning for her again: Gummigoo, who may still be "fake" but holds enough humanity to feel "real" to her.

And then, Gummi dies, proving how fickle life is in front of an uncaring universe XD

It's still too early to say how much of an impact this will have on Pomni in the long run as well as how much of a trend it sets, so we'll see.

Ragatha represents coping through trivial distractions as as well as codependent altruism fueled by denial. We learnt the reason she goes along with the adventures is to keep herself and everyone else busy. This way everyone has something to do and don't go crazy: even if adventures are just trite entertainment.

She clearly puts others above herself, especially newbies like Pomni, in order to keep peace in the group (although I have a feeling she secretly hopes the others took care of her the same way).

Her counterpart is Princess Loolilaloo, whom she simply gets along with swimmingly. Princess Loo is presented as a sweet, kind and well meaning individual who unfortunately is blind to the circumstances surrounding her. This comes into play when she trusts the "heros" come out of nowhere with the key, which Jax holds for his own chaotic mischief.

Similarly, while Ragatha's intentions towards Pomni are benevolent, she fails to acknowledge her perspective and connect with her and instead annoys her with her toxic positivity. Fortunately, Kinger is there to teach her a valuable lesson, which is respecting others' boundaries and have patience.

Jax represents destructive revelry and rejection of morals. Because he believes nothing the crew does during their adventures matter, he spends the whole time stirring the pot in order to cause as much trouble as possible, not quite caring who gets affected as long as it's not himself.

It's interesting to note despite Jax's nihilistic tendencies, he seems to value self preservation, suggesting there are things he holds onto, after all. He's happy as long as he can see "funny things happen to people", but he's still not quite the master of his own world as he's still not satisfied if things go out of his control.

His counterpart is the Fudge, a haunting and deeply unsettling potrait of a sociopathic being. They're called a monster and they accepts that label willingly, as they were designed to be a monster. They claim to "hear the voices of the candy people, calling [them]". Tragically, their destructiveness is only in their nature.

Jax, however, causes pain deliberately and at the end we get a little hint of why. When the circus crew prepares Kauffmo's funeral, he looks sad for a moment, then angry. I think this is a subtle telling that Jax not that deep down *does* care for his fellow players, but he also rejects the pain of losing them, which is why he purposely pushes them off to avoid making connections.

At the end of the episode we're presented with a hopeful message, which is that even with the notion of existential dread, our connections are what keeps us alive in the face of non-existence. Although it seems there is no escape from the fate of abstraction yet, it seems that Pomni has gained a substantial comfort by seeing the humanity of the circus crew, represented by them grabbing her by the hand in her imaginary sequence.

All in all, a beautiful piece, although I dread what's still ahead of us XD As a writer, I've learnt to expect the unexpected, so I can only expect that we're going to have our hearts twisted and folded in ways we're absolutely *not* ready for. But it's all part of the fun! Right?

By the way, I just started writing a little fanfic for TADC. It's a Pomni x Ragatha story because I could use a little levity and I think everyone else as well. Expect that as well as more post like these in the upcoming future.

I'll see you fashionably late! 👋🎉🐊