Tumgik
#Also I may do something on here later
humanmorph · 2 days
Text
Tumblr media
THE SHIT THAT YOU HATE / DON'T MAKE YOU SPECIAL
oh gucci
100 notes · View notes
chitinleg · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
"Mister Bashir, what a pleasure it is to finally meet you."
Julian, why in god's name would you invite him to play the villain?
#my art#ds9#julian bashir#elim garak#star trek deep space nine#garashir#image desc in alt text#pencil#ok so on the outset it may look to some viewers as though julian invited garak to play the villain to get dommed by the scary lizard#this is not the case. not in my heart#in my heart julian felt a burst of something funny when Garak asked him ''what if you'd killed me''#and he responded ''what makes you think i wasn't trying'' and garaks face blooms into a sudden understanding and respect. ooh.#That's that heady shit. catching garak off guard. ooooh. that's that High Quality Endorphins Happening. but. gotta pack that up for later#(he will not unpack that later) because garak also just threatened to kill 5 of his friends who are STILL IN DANGER. NO TIME FOR THIS.#so after everything. and MONTHS after OMB. he invites garak to something like a playful rematch. sort of.#after all theres only so long that garak can stomach being a sidekick u know? he needs to be able to do his own machinations.#so they make a character for him thats a villain. a little more cerebral than falcon. a little more ambiguous in his motivations.#now there's also. a secret game at play here (there are always games. doctor) and its actually between garak and his own self#you see garak Also wants bashir to defeat his character. he also wants to be shocked. challenged. a little dismantled even (state forbid!)#and because garak wants that for himself? hes going to fight tooth and fucking nail to make sure it doesn't happen.#that Gayle clip from ''COMPANY IS COMING'' but its garak yelling ''WE CAN'T LET THEM KNOW WE [WANT]!!!''#and its a horrible idea for both of them but. oh so so exciting#you understand.#these rituals arent intricate so much as they are transparent but all encompassing. a fish doesnt know its swimming in water until its out#you understand? you understand.#thank you to anyone who found the time to read these tags i hope you enjoyed yourself and/or found what you were looking for#also garak is dressed so boring bc hes hiding himself u know how it is
607 notes · View notes
zebratimw · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
Spirit animal SQH
#svsss#shang qinghua#but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but#but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee#also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but#I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg#oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left#I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something#or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird#LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm#I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either#I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself#eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up#I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa#man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong#cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk#its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment#with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig#and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down#but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications#and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly#man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk
178 notes · View notes
Text
HC that Jarlaxle told Zak he didn't know any surface languages; if he had to communicate with someone from the surface, either they'd have to speak an underdark language or he'd use magic or psionics.
Zak was pretty sure he was lying, but assumed it was because he was embarrassed or something, like maybe people would look down on him for taking the time to learn such useless iblith languages.
Actually, Jarlaxle was afraid that if he told Zak he knew any surface languages, Zak would convince him to teach him at least one. And if Zak knew at least one surface language, he might finally feel confident enough to run away forever.
32 notes · View notes
bredforloyalty · 2 months
Text
you know what? it's fine.
7 notes · View notes
twilightarcade · 4 days
Text
anyway I got curry yesterday and it fucked
#wordstag#and guess what. I got 2 eat curry for lunch today also. Because I had leftovers 😼#ummmmm I didn't really do much. Mmy friend came over & guess whatshe brought .#she got me. Some nice notebooks and also a bunch of colorful pens#which was absolutely crazy. You have no clue how bad I love pens of various quality.#I haven't actually used them yet 🐅🐅 she got me another set of pilot 02 G-7 pens though which was CRAZY !!!!#I couldn't justify spending that much on pens rhat I didn't rally need because I had other pens. Life finds a way thohgh#my green one ran out first (<had switched to largely writing in green) then my BLUE one ran out and it was like well fuck me .#Bur also like. I ddint NEED colorful pens. They were just really fucking nice ro have.#but dilemma over ! We have like a whole rainbow and some. Magic of friendship.#ummmmmm what else . Some volunteer stuff is starting soon and I'm kind of excited but#also what if they pelt rocks at me. That woild be quite disheartening.#I think I need 2.return a book to the library also. I wanna go 2 one of their book sales too#and comeplely irresponsibly buy a whole bag of books that I really don't Need but by god are books fun to have#I may also pick up a copy of house of leaves from my local Book Store because I have a gift card from. Literal years ago.#ummmm I really have Got to get a book shelf in here or something. Maybe I should get an ominous cardboard box.#ohman what else. I plan on writing my submission 4 neotwiny tonight then drawing the assets . Later.#complete jump in topic but I also wanna get a skirt I have like 0 Good skirts. Wanna get a patterned one maybe#I Could make a whole fit with my pink cardigan but also like . When else would I wear a pink heart themed skirt.#lacking in the generic shirts department.#anywya. Tomorrow we make cookies. This weekend we make a cake and also jam like our life depends on it. Don't think there's much wlse#have a good day and thanks for tuning into hit show watch twilightarcade abuse the tags feature like never before
2 notes · View notes
comet-wire · 2 months
Text
Ngl I've been having a gender crisis again on top of all the stuff that's happened with my dad, I think I still identify as male/masculine idk 🗿
Same with my ace/aro spectrum placement ☝️🗿
Tumblr media
#comet rambles#putting in queue to deploy later#parent loss tw#just in case by association n implications ☝️🗿/nm+gen#when i get stuff set up with my checking account i was already thinking of getting a new chest binder once our personal issues with finance#has been figured out definitely#i dont wanna say much n jinx stuff so ill leave it at that#personal#gender shit is hard n i really think i may be a he/they or he/him still#or if not then closeted butch lesbian idk#most signs point to male gender identity leaning though 😔👍#also my social battery is outta wack but i needed to get this out so i apologize to anyone who i have yet to respond to/gen+nm 🥹#like i genuinely still feel as though ive been born in the wrong body and i tried to accept my feminity and it went well!!#like i started embracing my femininity the past few years and now i think im over it because it feels like i just attempted to try#and be something i wasn't if that makes any sense#i hate being referred to as she/her or as a girl even if i understand some people will still see me as fem despite my personal identity etc#its not that i hate my femininity its just i feel anything but female while still enjoying traditionally fem stuff at times#hope this makes sense#🗿👍#still ace/aro though just cant figure out if i only enjoy the thought of romance (cupiosexual/romantic) or if i feel comfy in one#i know im sex repulsed though thats for certain#as of lately chris Redfield and Albert Wesker have become two of my transition goals and idk what to do about this lmfao#i wish i was kidding#but im not 😭#sitting here like EVA shinji with his head in his hands in the damn chair image/lh#also wanna be a rootin tootin goth cowboy 🥰#if it turns out im like a comphet butch/nb lesbian im gonna shit myself though/lh+nm
2 notes · View notes
ereborne · 5 months
Text
Song of the Day: January 19
"Salt and the Sea" by The Lumineers
3 notes · View notes
olessan · 7 months
Text
I love the fact that I can work as hard as I can manage with a broken tooth and a dying tooth (one on each side, I've been chewing on the cavity for a year) and I still cannot save even $10 towards getting dental treatment (2 impacted wisdom teeth, + tooth broken off under the gum, + bad cavity) because I barely make enough to cover my food and board and the insane energy bill
Tumblr media
#I'm just ranting don't mind me it's fine I am continuing to exist as usual I may delete this later bc it's a bit of a bummer to read#I prefer to keep my blogging to fun or otherwise nonserious content because it's supposed to be for decompression no real world drama here#I got into a 3 hour body language study and earned $50 so I spent that as fun money on a couple games during the Steam sale just to#take a break from the constant cycle of getting paid and then immediately saying goodbye to all but about 15 cents#(well it was 1 game Slime Rancher 2 and then 2 expansion packs one for Planet Zoo and another for Cities Skylines long play hours mileage)#I've tried to budget to buy small things like a fan or a toothbrush maybe (mine is 8yrs old and doesn't charge sometimes) but NOPE#let alone stashing away over $2000 for the amount of treatment I need given tooth extractions are $200-$500 each#I use about $50 of groceries a week ($30 USD) sometimes up to $80 if I need to buy some extra toiletries or bonuses like ham/falafel/bread#our last quarterly power bill was $1900 FOR NO REASON even for a winter one#olessan oration#the work I have is HIT/mturk type work which pays amazingly well and I am so grateful because I can't work in a traditional environment due#my inability to sleep/wake on anyone else's schedule and need for engaging work but it also means each worker is basically a contract worke#picking their own hours which is VERY HARD to stick to for me since I may also have ADHD-i but that diagnosis also costs like $2000 in Aus#so I'm doing my best fucking lmao#I have a set minimum hours I want to keep up to and move to full time but I am so exhausted by the constant background noise of#the tooth problems that I burn out very quickly#like the tooth ache isn't that bad#the tooth is actively dying but the pain isn't unbearable it just shits me off at all times#it's bearable most of the time and doesn't affect my sleep unless the temp is cold or something#it's been bad this week tho so I've gone through almost all my ibuprofen managing it#the tooth that broke off broke off earlier in the year and the gum has mostly healed over and the dead root is concealed inside my gums now#that stopped being painful in mid 2021 but when it died it was pretty bad it did stop me sleeping for a couple weeks#Christmas 2021 involved me contemplating ripping the tooth out myself lmao#the nerve eventually died seemingly without an abscess#unless I DID have an abscess but that seems extremely unlikely because abscesses are SEVERE AND HORRIBLE AND LIFE THREATENING#sometimes I can feel the tooth ligament wiggling on its own or I like flex it by accident it's so weird bc the tooth is gone so#the ligament is still holding onto the root but with way less weight#anyway I am eating my mac n cheese n veg with the side that has the missing tooth because the cavity tooth has a big bruise along the gumli#gumline which may be from overzealous brushing (I fill the tooth will temporarily filling putty and it needs to be cleaned well when the#putty falls out)
2 notes · View notes
brienneofqarth · 1 year
Note
zomg, I also love twister an unreasonable amount.
it is SO GOOD THOUGH
idk i'm too biased because i went through a whole disaster movie phase as a kid but Twister was by far my favorite of the bunch. it has action, drama, humor, helen hunt in a tank top, a n g s t, science, flying cows, aunt meg's gravy, evil cary elwes, tori amos playing in the background, sex therapy in the middle of a storm, and i could go ON but i'll just say this silly movie is very dear to my heart
10 notes · View notes
variousqueerthings · 2 years
Text
the annoying thing is that Hawkeye is a relentless slut who goes for anything with legs at least once and the even more annoying thing is that I can 100% see how it works and I am also in love with him... bastard
15 notes · View notes
torchickentacos · 9 months
Text
AG Watchthrough Episode 2: Ruin With a View, AG002.
Business first. The poll on the last watchthrough has fourteen hours left as of me typing this but it seems unanimous enough (92.9% pro-explosion) that I am adding an explosion counter. To retroactively do so, I must inform you all that AG001: Get the Show on the Road! had a total of 3 explosions (counting hypothetical explosions that were shown on screen and animated in but did not actually happen). Updated explosion counter is at three going forwards, which is half as many as I thought the episode had. No worries, it'll go up very soon. For the amount Birch spoke about Pikachu exploding, I recalled more frames about explosions. I might have missed a couple of frames too, I skipped around to look.
Onto AG002: Ruin with a View! Long post. We talk about Ash as a mentor, the really shitty bunk beds I had in a dorm room at jesus camp, inconsistencies/questions I have about petalburg gym, Team Magma, and other things.
The episode opens in a way we will soon grow very accustomed to: With Ash jollily (?) marching forth and May complaining about it. Sometimes it will be the other way around. One person is ahead of the group, the other complains about it. Side note, the narrator calls May an 'aspiring' pokemon trainer. Two things there. One, she is technically already a trainer. She has a pokemon. Two, she does not particularly aspire towards being a trainer, but it's far too early for semantics. Moving on.
We're headed to Oldale town! May and Ash are already arguing on the second day of knowing each other. Ash thinks May is walking too slow. May points out that she'd HAD A BIKE... and Ash slows down, unable to argue with that. (Well, he's able to argue about anything in AG, but chooses to not pick a fight with the random girl he's supposed to be friends with now. Smart choice).
Anyways, May asks about Pikachu being out in the ball and Ash explains. This sets up something that WORKED about AG (when they remembered it): the group dynamic. Borderline nonexistent but VERY FUN WHEN IT WAS EXISTENT. Ash and May specifically have a mentor/mentee relationship for a while that I've always liked. It was a nice change of pace that set Ash as a more mature version of himself. He's abrasive and cocky but he does have genuine skill and experience to back it up now, and May is unsure of herself and... well, incompetent as a trainer as of right now. Ash has a real opportunity to shine here.
Does pokeani TAKE that opportunity...? Not really BUT it's there and we do see glimpses of it, like with Ash patiently explaining that May can use her pokedex to learn more about her new Torchic.
Anyways, they keep walking, May tries and fails to catch an Azurill. She sees it and throws the pokeball immediately. Rather hilariously to me at least, Ash just watches her make the same mistake he did, standing behind her like this.
Tumblr media
The Azurill gets away, May forgets all of Torchic's attacks, Ash makes this weird face, and Torchic hits its head on a tree just like May did a single episode before.
Tumblr media
Torchic then uses ember!...Which hits Azurill's family, a Marill and an Azumarill. Hey, didn't someone else start their journey by trying and failing to catch a pokemon rather pathetically and then angering other pokemon? Contest/Pallet solidarity isn't relevant yet (do take note I never claimed to be an unbiased narrator here), but Ash and May solidarity IS relevant and beloved. May and Ash are really similar, with May being outwardly a bit softer and, well, nicer usually (though Early AG Girlboss May™ is, if we recall from Ag001, a bit snide which does dwindle off). But we're going to start seeing a lot of similarities, which I don't think are a bad thing at all! I quite like it actually, especially in early episodes since it so nicely mirrors the last brand-new trainer we saw, which was Ash himself at the start of OS. This is Ash's first time not being the underdog, the new guy.
He (usually) takes this role rather well, and is happy to explain to May that Torchic, now-knocked-out-via-Azumarill's-watergun, can be healed at a pokemon center.
Also, explosion count goes up as Pikachu thunderbolts the water types. We're at four now, counting last episode.
Anyways, we find a bunch of rocks that I guess are just chilling in the middle of route 101? Normal Hoenn things, honestly. It'll get weirder, this is perfectly normal and fine. Just wait for the Claydol episode. Or the Gulpin episode. Or WWWWW and the Wynaut wall/rope/slide. Sigh. They're like tiny aqua legos or something. Or Monkeys in a barrel, I guess, which the slide was a reference to. ANYWAYS moving on, that is a discussion for AG113. So. Rocks.
Tumblr media
We meet Professor Aldan and his WEIRD LITTLE PONYTAIL and he explains that these are "the Ruins of Oldale". (Not Oldale Ruins, I guess?)
Tumblr media
He is researching the ruins and points out the pokemon center for Ash and May. I like this random ass little palm tree.
Tumblr media
Look. There he is again below. It took all day for them to cross that single hill, by the way. It is nighttime now. It was a single hill they were on, overlooking Oldale.
Tumblr media
Nurse Joy heals Torchic up, and Ash calls Professor Oak! May interrupts this call and gets all up in his personal space, which she tends to do to people on occasion, to which Ash makes this face, which looks like an Aang expression to me. I swear Aang has made this exact face before.
Tumblr media
We learn that May has a brother (who "never misses one of your [Oak's] radio lectures!"). Amusingly, Oak seems slightly offput by May's enthusiasm, to which I ask, has Oak not met Ash??? Anyways, we switch over to Team Rocket, who is... here???? Wherever 'here' is???
Tumblr media
They're talking to Giovanni, they ask for money, they get no money. BUT Giovanni tells them that if they set a TR branch office in Hoenn, then they can talk money. This, of course, is nothing but a carrot dangle because Giovanni wants them to stop fucking calling him for money. Also, he wants to learn about some MYSTERIOUS NEW TEAMS called Team Aqua and Team Magma.
Don't get your hopes up for that. Yes, TA and TM were in pokeani. Yes, there's a reason nobody remembers this outside of maybe, like, Diane and Butler. ANYWAYS. Oldale's trainer rooms are nicer than when I stayed at (redacted) university for Jesus Camp. You know what? Side tangent. This warrants a side tangent.
Tumblr media
This college's dorm rooms had bunk beds that were two regular beds stacked and held together by a single thin wooden peg. Look at this. I had top bunk. I could have died. Also when I was there the elevator broke while people were in it and two girls passed out from the heat. This was in July. We weren't allowed to wear revealing (read: cool and summer safe) clothes. It was a weird two weeks in my life. We had a Jesus Rave. Twice. They played old town road. I have video proof of this.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Back on topic. Again. WAIT NEVERMIND- BACK OFF TOPIC, WHY ARE THERE JUST GUYS IN ROBES IN THE MAIN LOBBY?
Tumblr media
Stripey shirt on the left is talking to their friends about Petalburg Gym (May is notably not thrilled about this). Ash is like YO GYM BATTLES! I DO THOSE.
WAIT I JUST FUCKING NOTICED @soulsilversprings tagging you here because of a convo we had. They say NEW GYM LEADER which I guess is what bulbapedia used to assume Pokeani Norman was also from Johto? I still like native-to-Hoenn May but ...there's that, I guess.
But actually, that doesn't make sense, because later we find out that May was 'never allowed to watch any of her father's gym matches' and it's made out to sound like Norman was always busy with the gym as May was growing up in a few offhand lines I'll get to??? So either he was already a gym leader and transferred, OR this line is bullshit and Norman's BEEN the gym leader and stripey shirt and co. are full of tauros shit /lh. Will update with any new information.
We are almost halfway done with the episode.
Interestingly to me at least, May IMMEDIATELY yanks Ash away and we don't learn who the new gym leader is, at her own insistence. Young Taylor certainly didn't imprint on May's direct-and-then-forgotten-by-the-writers avoidance of her father. /sarcastic joke, you can laugh at this LMAO. Moving on again but this does come up again and I'll discuss whatever feels relevant then.
We see Prof. Aldan again! Then we switch to Wobbuffet digging a hole! Then we switch back to Ash staring at a picture of the rocks on the wall! Enthralling, truly. Anyways, Aldan just... lets the random kids into his research base in the pokemon center. He talks about a stone chamber that is "a sort of bridge or portal between our world and the ancient pokemon world", that is so unstable that any attempted entries cause it to begin crumbling. Sounds safe.
Tumblr media
May is oddly fascinated by the idea of ancient pokemon. Being a gym leader's daughter (spoilers.) did nothing for her, but hearing about an ancient pokemon in a hole in the ground? Now THAT'S interesting, I guess. And she's in luck, because Aldan shows them that he has the right way to enter the stone chamber!!! He met these children today and is inviting them to his unstable hole in the ground. Hoenn's gonna Hoenn, once again. At least there's no king of pokelantis to possess you in this specific hole in the ground. Don't worry about it <3.
Tumblr media
Turns out there's 4 keys needed to enter, though, which he doesn't have. We then see team Magma grunts lining up outside the window, and they turn out the lights to the center, and break down the door and they kidnap Prof. Aldan in front of the kids. Nurse Joy interrupts and is also captured.
Side note that tells me I know way too much about AG but we all knew that: May's hair is animated uniquely here. It flips at the end a lot more, almost curling upwards. Maybe it's just really humid in southern Hoenn.
Tumblr media
Anyways they LITERALLY FUCKING THROW MAY and I assume Ash and Nurse Joy too (but we only see May landing???) into a spare room and lock the door. Joy says with the power out, all the pokemon being treated there are in danger WHICH SEEMS LIKE AN OVERSIGHT TO ME but oh no, torchic is being treated there! But there IS reserve power that they can turn on once they escape the room.
Does anyone remember those room escape flash games??? I really liked those as a kid.
Pikachu points out an air vent, Ash says "That's grea-" but the sound engineers done fucked up and Ash is hilariously cut off by the WHO'S THAT POKEMON??? section. Which, note, still has Brock and Misty's voices in it.
It's Crobat. 👍
Team Rocket time. Insert 'posting hole on main' joke. They're in a hole. Get it?
Tumblr media
Sigh.
TR picks a fight with Team Magma, who's heading out with Aldan. They get scared off back into their hole. We switch back to Ash and co.
Ash is crawling in the air vent! I guess he fully intended to leave May in the room, because he's suprised when she's crawling right behind him. Again, let's revel in May having a decision that she was able to make, or an order that she was able to defy. We'll run out of those soon enough. She asks, quote, "Why should I miss out on the adventure?". I really do love this characterization of her and wish it had stayed a biiiiiit more consistent, even if I do really like later AG May. But we eventually get someone who pushes her to be annoyed and fiery later, yay rivals, so that's good. Her character needs it to balance out the sweet/dumb/inexperienced aspects. They get a key for the door and switch the power back on and retrieve Nurse Joy.
They then rush off to help Prof. Aldan, who is being bothered by TM (Team Magma) to open the stone chamber. He says they need the keys. TM has the keys, conveniently. For some reason.
They put the keys in the holes, it opens, they go in. This is... a normal ancient chamber. Animation budget running a little low already, huh? /lh.
Tumblr media
I think I hear Lisa Ortiz voice one of the magma grunts. I'm getting a migraine, let's speed this up a bit. Not much even happens past here anyways. TM leaves, TR shows up and blast off, explosion counter goes to 5, the sun comes up, they enter the chamber hole and find some Relicanth, and they get Torchic back from the center, and we head to Petalburg City.
What an oddly disjointed but enjoyable episode.
End of episode metrics:
Explosion count: 5.
Height ranking: Ash is arguably like four pixels taller. Ash>>May. Switched from episode 1 already.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
1 note · View note
came0dust · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
sort of reconciling artstyle and design things ive been thinking through for a bit and Wooo colors (limited) across the board for once
4 notes · View notes
pepprs · 2 years
Text
i don’t know how to explain that since march 2020 with each new horrible thing happening in the world i shrink further and further into myself and away from connection and hope
#i told that friend i would call them today but then i woke up 6 minutes after roe v wade got overturned. and i can’t call that friend. i#can’t even tell them why. i can’t even talk to my family or even look at them. i can’t even stand on my feet for too long or get anything#done. i can’t reply to any texts or act on any urgent emails. i can’t draw or play piano or do anything to destract myself. all i can do is#scroll and read and be very very still and very very quiet. i don’t even have the energy to cry#in December and February and may i had spells lasting days at a time of being unable to function because such horrible things were happening#all at once and i just couldn’t process it anymore. and it’s gonna happen over and over again more and more frequently and there truly is#nothing i can do to stop it without getting the energy back but every time i think im almost there something happens and i crash back down#all over again. really and truly preparing to leave for brighton was the beginning of the end for me and i don’t know if i will ever get#back to how hopeful and connected and whatever i felt. and living in lockdown all over again doesn’t help but i don’t have the strength to c#change that either. im just tired and everyone is walking all around me right now as i type this and im bristling and want to scream#purrs#delete later#not that i was at all like entirely hopeful or whatever and certainly not that things were good pre covid. but something happened when covid#happened and ever since it’s been like. relentless misery. strings of sad days. no end in sight#i think the best and most helpful things i could do wrt this specific issue are a) open my home to people#seeking abortions who can’t get them in their state / provide travel / resources for them to come here (i can contribute to travel funds#financially but need to learn to drive and find a place to live before i can offer space and transportation resources) and b) keep talking a#about reproductive rights / trying to educate ppl who are skeptical etc etc as someone who would not exist without them. and also c) keep#trying to build collective power and learn to become a better community organizer and open people up to the possibilities that arise when we#recognize ourselves as co-creators of our future and understand that the future is not fixed (which i think aoc said or something and i watc#watched smth on that last night that i think she was part of and it was encouraging to me). so i will try to focus on those things. but this#just has my head spinning so badly. i feel so unmoored. and it’s my job to be a beacon of hope but i feel utterly hopeless
15 notes · View notes
youremyonlyhope · 2 years
Text
My uncanny ability to accidentally specifically predict bad things now means that for the second time, a supervisor has told me to stop making predictions while at work since they keep coming true.
This has happened in two different jobs in two different fields now. Yay.
#I'm psychic#legit my old desk job my supervisor was like 'Hope you really have to stop making predictions.'#and even one of my old coworkers was like 'you know when i first started i thought you were joking... but it really is... uncanny'#because i could basically summon people at that job to either show up or call me whenever i said 'ugh i need to speak to so and so'#or worse if i said 'i don't want to speak to so and so' either way the exact person would walk in or call me minutes after i said it.#and now at this new job i jinxed something bad happening and it was pretty bad. not like ruin the show bad. but bad.#and then the next day i was joking that i had accidentally jinxed it and then i started to say something else#and i was like 'wait no let me not say that out loud' and my supervisor was like 'yes please don't say it.'#and a coworker was like 'Hope yeah shut up. don't do it.' so yeah. i gotta stop speaking things into existence.#like my first day at this job i was walking with a coworker after we ran an errand and we walked by his friend's workplace#and he was like 'i always walk by here and never see her.' and i was about to say 'maybe today is the day'#but all i could say was 'may-' and his friend came running out the door to say hi because they finally overlapped.#then i was like 'that's so weird because i was going to say that today might be the day it finally happens then it did.'#and the next day he told me that she later said to him 'it was weird. i had a feeling i needed to look outside. and there you were'#and i was like 'look this is a joke but really half a joke. i'm somewhat psychic so that doesn't shock me.'#is predicting things a symptom of my anxiety? yes. am i also legitimately somewhat psychic? possibly.#i mean i had a great-great aunt who was psychic. and my family on my mom's side (with the aunt) has weird coincidences.#my grandma who just passed had the ability to call my landline the MOMENT i walked into my apartment. without fail.#and my mom and brother many times have both texted me the same question unprompted without speaking to each other.#so while i joke that i'm psychic. it's honestly half a joke. because there are some WEIRD things on this side of the family.#and it definitely manifests in me too. so much so that i've been told to stop doing it.
4 notes · View notes
explorerspack · 2 years
Text
say one thing about me if i’m gonna get a character permakilled it WILL be narratively satisfying.
#cha:arcis#c:megadungeon#rip to my girlie i really am so sad about it but at least it was fucking COOL.....#so poignant to get killed by something that is trying to protect the stolen artifacts and hidden knowledge of the city#she came to this city for the knowledge! to protect it and spread it and know it and most CERTAINLY get it out of a dusty closed off room#so perfectly fitting to get killed only INCHES away from all these relics and books and symbols of knowledge but not able to investigate any#SO delicious to have taken the front line for once instead of staying safely in a corner#and to have taken the front line away from MAX! she ended up where she was bc max was in a rug and we needed a buffer!#no max getting killed trying to tank this time!#SO delightful to have sort-of accidentally baited a wizard duel and to have my own tricks turned right back on me#and the imagery of getting swarmed by these animated books and having the amber wall slam down behind her....#standing alone at the front of the room...'fine. that's fine. let's fucking play.' which she may not have said as a threat but which i've#decided she certainly DID whisper to herself in krutske#wizard hubris!#and then saving on hold person allowing one last look back at her party and one last solid nod#a nod meaning 'thanks' and 'you know what to do' and 'goodbye' and 'see you later' and 'well. here we go!' all at once#and then the train station....the camera cut the black....#AUGH!#beautiful mix of symbolic and also fucking cool. if you've gotta have a pc death that's not a bad way to go at all.
5 notes · View notes