#Also please tell me this did actually happen and I'm not going mad bc now I've written it down I feel like I'm making it up

[gayness-and-mayhem]

(Idk if I've posted about this before, but I've just found a little piece of paper that reminded me that I was thinking about it lol). With The Bill, did anyone else notice that Jack had a bit of an accent change? It's not so much that he didn't always have quite a strong northern accent, more that he initially (when he comes on a temporary basis as a DCS) seems to use more words with, for example, the /ʌ/ (strut) vowel rather than the /ʊ/ (foot) vowel (the example I seem to have written down is the word 'butter', idk if he actually ever said that but that's the vowel I mean anyway) that would be typical of his variety. Idk if it was something deliberate that Simon Rouse did just bc he thought it was only ever going to be a temporary role and it fit his expectations of a high ranking police officer, or whether he actually spoke like that at the time but just reverted to how he would naturally speak as time went on and it mattered less, but I just found it really interesting.

[savannahsdeath]

ok imagine reader just got to jackson and is super confident and basically tells everyone what to do all the time. like people always listen to her bc she’s lowkey scary. ellie’s a bit of a loser all the time at first but then gains confidence and tops reader. readers so shocked bc she’s used to getting what she wants shshsh

ELLIE WILLIAMS X READER

mdni please<3

warnings: 18+!! public sex, cocky!reader n the rest is obvious from the request🤗

writers note: this is a scrap im sorry im sick.. and im not apologizing for leaving yall on edge sorry guys🤭 also it has 1212 words??? signs

"you and jesse." you said to dina, after a long discussion about who's going to patrol today.

"why not me?" ellie scoffed. "i want to patrol too!"

"oh, sorry, els." you laughed mockingly. "maybe next time."

the appointed couple started slowly walking towards the stud, obeying you without thinking much. the girl that had to stay against her will kicked a single rock in disappointment but didn't say anything else.

"come on, we gotta sign it." you waved your hand in a 'follow me' gesture and started walking towards a public building, to which everyone had access.

it's where a lot of important meetings happen, but for now it seemed empty.

you opened a book and searched for a label with today's date before writing dina's and jesse's names down.

"now, what am i supposed to do? the town's boring." she complained as you sat on a couch, next to her.

"but it's safe." you rolled your eyes. "you'll survive a day off."

"you are, unfortunately, probably right." ellie grumbled. "so you're just going to sit here and relax while i go stir-crazy?"

"mhm. oh, and i'm always right." you nonchalantly shrugged.

she barely managed to stop herself from rolling her eyes at you. "of course."

you looked at her and smirked. you could see how mad she was, but you knew she won't do anything about it. she wasn't the type to argue, especially not with you. she just continued fidgeting with her fingers, like she always did in your presence. you chuckled to yourself as you thought about it, enjoying her discomfort.

you leaned back in your seat and relaxed, satisfied with the view of her irritated expression. she looked like she wanted to say something, but she knew it would only fuel your ego and make her feel worse.

eventually, she turned to look at you, and her facial expression begun to betray an emotion. she was clearly not happy with how things were playing out here.

"i know you always have to get your way, but it would be nice if you actually listened to me every once in a while." she said, not raising her voice, but making it clear that she's becoming more irritated as the situation continues.

you frowned in disbelief. "excuse me?"

she looked away again, her voice turning into a whisper. "you heard me."

"excuse me?" you repeated, your tone shifting to be more firm and authoritative.

ellie looked back at you, as if in a defiant manner.

"you need to learn when to keep your mouth shut." her voice was still soft, but you could see the fire in her eyes as she stared at you unwaveringly. she was clearly not willing to back down from her position.

silence

you were to stunned to say anything.

ellie was the first one to speak, speaking rather calmly, given the circumstances. "i said what i had to say. you can go ahead and tell me to shut up now."

she remained staring at you, not blinking, not fidgeting, just staring into your eyes.

"you're funny." you smirked, not taking her comments to heart at all. "i like that."

"oh, you like that?" ellie says as she crosses her arms in front of her chest. there is a certain amount of playfulness in her voice, although the underlying tension between you two is still present. "you like that someone finally spoke up?"

"now that i think about it.." your grin widened and you stood up, walking to a nearby counter. "no, not really."

"oh, i like this game." ellie said in return, getting up off of the couch. she slowly made her way over to the same counter area where you were. her movements were steady and calculated, not showing an inkling of fear or anxiety, even though she was well aware of the fact that this was an intense situation. she was almost enjoying it. "let's see, what else can i do to get on your nerves, hmm? maybe this?" she leaned against the counter, close enough to you that you could feel her breath on your neck. there was a small part of you that was worried about where this was heading, but then, unexpectedly, she begun to speak very softly to you, close to your ear, making this part stay silent. "i can make this much worse, you know."

you can't help but feel a tinge of excitement running down your back. this was a risky move by her, and she was almost daring you to do something about it.

"i don't think there's anything worse than standing so near to you." you whispered, but didn't even try to push her away, expecting she'll back down by herself.

ellie leaned even closer, to the point where your faces were barely an inch away from each other. you felt her breath, you could see the little details on her face, everything was amplified to this degree.

she slowly whispered into your ear, so gently that it almost felt like a caress. "now, you really don't know what you're talking about."

ellie paused for a moment, but not for long. she reached her right hand out and took your left in hers. her touch felt warm and soft, but at the same time there was almost an electric tension in the air around you two.

she slowly begun to speak to you again. "why do we have to fight, huh? is this what you really want?" you felt a slight pull on your hand as she pulled you closer to her.

you sighed, knowing this wasn't in your scenario, but you had to play along. "there weren't any problems, as long as you were listening to me."

ellie's eyes betrayed a hint of irritation once again. "well, there's one problem there." she said as she continued to hold onto your hand. "you aren't always right." she leaned in even closer as she spoke. "sometimes you're just a stubborn, idiotic, bossy, and insufferable pain in the ass."

she finally pulled you all the way up to her. you could feel her breath on your face as she stared intently into your eyes. she seemed to be searching for your next move.

"and still people listen to me." you forced a smirk on your face, which probably turned out as a nervous grimace.

"you know why?" she tugged a strand of your hair behind your ear. "because you're new here. people don't know your backstory and they're scared of you. they think you're... mysterious."

you felt ellie starting to caress your face as she held you in place.

she whispered; "but right now, you're not in the control."

after she said this, she slowly started to move her hand down towards your shirt, as if to prove her point.

you frowned for a short second before mumbling a quiet; "i always am." which turned out way less convincing than you wanted it to be.

ellie's hand slowly inched beneath your shirt. she was very clearly enjoying seeing you squirm in this position.

"oh, is that so?" she said in response to your previous comment. "then why don't you stop me? you're in control, remember?"

the fact is, you could. she'd let you, too. but you didn't want to. you let her do that, and a few more things, even though you risked getting caught. that's what you needed all along.

[ezra-editss]

"Dean doesn't reciprocate" MY ASS

I'm just kinda gonna write down my thoughts about this. I'm in season 7 now, I know what happens in the very last episode, but nothing else so I don't read any posts about the show here yet :) (just so yk and don't accidentally spoiler me) Oh and I do this mostly out of memory and some notes that I took, so this might be a little chaotic :,)

Okay, so the whole season 6 fight was crazy to me. The way Cas was watching while Dean kept on defending him. And he knew how much Dean trusted him. ("The worst part was Dean. He was trying so hard to be loyal, with every instinct telling him otherwise.") It hurt him, but the whole time he was, again, protecting Dean. And yes, he hurt Dean, but I think it was as bad for Cas to hurt Dean, as for Dean to be hurt.

Then, Dean apologizing for the others? They (thought they) were wrong and Dean had kept on trusting Cas, so why was it him who apologized? Because he knew it meant more to Cas when he did it? Idk.

Cas wasn't able to lie when he looked in Dean's eyes.. come on? Also, the fact Dean wasn't actually mad when he found out was really interesting. He was just extremely sad. Yes, his trust got broken and maybe he was just tired of it all, but it didn't seem like that to me, I felt like he usually got madder.

I love how they always share those sad looks when they go apart after the fights btw, such a best buddys thing to do.

It was really hard for both of them. We can see that Dean can't sleep that night and that Cas comes back to talk to him alone, because it only matters to him that Dean understands.

Oh and the "I'm doing this for you, Dean." I don't even need to explain his motives, because he reveals them himself.

Then the scene from my edit. (at the top) (it's kinda laggy, bc it's slow-motion, but anyways) They both have teary eyes a lot, but this is different. Dean turns aways because he knows he's gonna cry and Cas disappears before he really starts crying, but they are both fuckin crying about this. They're both just sad and want this to end. Even when Dean said he's gonna stop him and so on, it was way less threatening than usually. And Cas kept coming back when Dean was in danger.

But Dean still cared as well. In the first episode of season 7, when Cas asks for help, he pretends he doesn't care about him anymore for a bit, but you can clearly see that he still does. You at least can see it when he thinks Cas is dead. He's devastated.

It's kinda funny how Bobby's there but Cas very obviously only cares to make it up to Dean. Like he always says "they're my friends" but in reality he means Dean.

AND THEN.. Cas tries to protect everyone else again and sends them away but DEAN STAYS. I think he knew that there wouldn't be anything he could do, but it didn't matter.

Cas dies again. (give my man a break, please) Dean keeps the god damn coat? I think he might've done it, because he was hoping that Cas would come back again. Anyways, scene was devastating.

In the judge/court episode about Dean's guilt, I immediately hoped Dean didn't feel guilty about Cas too, but was pretty sure he did. My worries were confirmed in episode 5.

So yeah, I suppose that's the part where I am, I guess I have to wait 'till Cas comes back now :,)

I don't think anyone read all this, but I hope I didn't make any grammar mistakes, bc English isn't my first language, so I sometimes get stuff mixed up (I definitely made the tenses confusing). Anyways, rant end.

[boy-above]

i'm really upset basically my mom brought a cat home last year (rescued stray) and despite both me and my dad not wanting to keep him my mom kept him anyway. i told my mom that i didn't want a male cat because there's a good chance he'd spray in our house but she didn't care, and then she waited WAY too long to get him neutered despite me regularly telling her to please do it because he Did start spraying in our house. and you know where he was spraying most? on my stuff. i just had to clean up SO much piss in my basement craft room. on the walls, on my table, on my carpet, on my stuffed animals. i had to throw away stuff because it was saturated in piss. the cat tree my dad HAND MADE for me was covered in piss. when i told my mom a few weeks ago that She had to be the one to clean that because it was her cat and her fault she said "can't we just throw it away?" which made me so angry because like i said my dad made that for me. he peed on some of my build-a-bears which are really important to me and i had to throw away one of their wigs bc it was so bad. i'm going to tell her she needs to buy a replacement and if she complains i'll be even more upset.

it makes me so angry because if he'd been spraying on HER stuff this whole time, she would have been angry and she would have gotten him neutered much sooner. but she took her sweet fucking time because it was My Stuff and she didn't care. and she's probably going to be mad at Me when she wakes up and im angry at her, because no one has a right to be angry in this house except for her. if the roles were reversed she'd be threatening to kick me and the cat out of the house but she'd never admit that.

the worst part is that she's the one who brought the cat home but she doesn't even like the cat much now because he likes my dad more than her. she was like "i want an animal that's just my own" but was upset when he liked someone else more, so she got ANOTHER cat, cornbread, after that. and then you know what happened? she didn't think cornbread was affectionate enough so she brought a dog home. now we have so many extra animals me and my dad never wanted. my mom used to be an animal hoarder and we finally got the problem under control but it seems to have reared its ugly head again.

speaking of hoarding, my mom is also a hoarder in general. thankfully not enough that our floors are covered or anything, but she's insufferable in the fact that she'll hardly part with anything. she basically never donates anything and insists on selling everything, but she's too lazy to actually Do the selling so it sits around forever. i keep telling her that there's less fortunate people who could really use the stuff, including baby clothes from when my nephew was little (he's ten now. it's been sitting around for a decade.) one time she spent like 15 minutes digging through my trash to get a mcdonald's toy i'd thrown out, and then boasted about getting ten cents for it at a yard sale. i told her digging through trash is not normal and is invasive and weird but she doesn't think so. she digs through my trash semi-regularly and i just Know she's going to dig through the piss soaked stuff i just threw out and be angry that i'm trying to throw it out because it can ~totally be cleaned~ but i'm telling her that if she wants it she can deal with it and keep it somewhere she can smell it because i'm Not dealing with it.

life is a fucking nightmare sometimes. please assure me that digging through trash isn't normal because she seriously tries to gaslight me into thinking it is

[causenessus]

HI HI HI HI NESS IM BACKKFJFKSMSOS so first of all tumblr hates me why is that the FOURTH ask of mine u answered that i wasnt notified of should i just die

anyways im eating lunch rn

healthy girl era did not work out i took a 6 hour (?) nap yesterday so!!

trying again today

N E WAYS

today the teacher told us her old students were too non che lent (nonchalant!!) so they failed the exam (wat.)

and my friend wanted to laugh about it w me but i wasnt looking so she yeeted my OTHER friends eraser at me

but it

it hit (near?) the teacher..

she was sooo mad omfg

giggling i hate her

like basically i answer all her questions out of spite now like YEAH BRO I KNOW THIS ALR😕😕

Also i swear i dif this math problem right but the teacher said it was wrong (wat.) and my friend did it too and we got the same answer (wat.)

i wrote fanfiction at school ☝️😎 it has already been digitalised but like i DID write it

and tjen my friend read an original short story (? 1.2k words) i wrote which was basically me projecting and she almost cried so like Uh

slay???

dude i love talking so much u have no idea actually

ALSO THE THING ABOUT THE ENRGY LIKe I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY OMG SO I GET EXCITED YK

n e ways..

i was watching american psycho last night but i got distracted..😭 ALSO IM SO EXCITED ABT ONICS LIKE EUSHEPSHAPSJXOSKAJDKAAKKDKD

>tries 2 normal

>fails

OK SO!! HRU AND WHATS GOING ON IN UR LIFE AND IF U EVER NEED TO HIRE A HITMAN IM HERE FOR U ❤️‍🩹 as the hitman btw ❤️‍🩹

U SHOULD NOT DIE!!! TUMBLR SHOULD DIE HOW DARE THEY!!! i am so confused at like what is happening at tumblr hq 😭😭 like there are problems that need to be solved!!!! and i feel like they should be pretty simple to fix!!! but instead they're like "NO LET'S MAKE TAGGING USERS GO BLUE AND COMMENTS UGLY"

but anyway!! i hope your lunch was good!! AND A SIX HOUR NAP SOUNDS AMAZING AND JUST AS PRODUCTIVE AS WORKING OUT!! it's hard to balance everything so definitely don't stress too much about it!! you have your whole life ahead of you to like do something like working out so not doing it one day is totally okay!! (yk?? i hope that made sense and i'm sorry i hope it's okay to say that 😭)

??? nonchalant -> failing exam???? i do not see the correlation??? 😭 YOUR TEACHER IS VV SPECIAL!! IS THIS THE ONE THAT TEACHES ENGLISH BUT ISN'T....ACTUALLY....THAT GREAT....AT ENGLISH??? 😭 OR MAYBE IT'S UR MATH TEACHER BC U ALSO SAID SOMETHING ABOUT THAT BUT THE ERASER ALMOST HITTING YOUR TEACHER IS CRAZY I WOULD'VE DIED ON THE SPOT 😭😭

also math teachers love to like??? tell u ur wrong and then not explain how to correctly do something??? so i think u should just blame them for everything!! that sounds fair <3

I'VE ALSO WRITTEN FANFICTION AT SCHOOL LMAOOO i remember being on my computer during french class and my guy was just so boring i pulled out the doc and started writing but LUCKILY it was like an oc fic so it wasn't as scary to write as a x reader UNLIKE WHEN I WAS MAKING TONIC PFPS AND MY DOCUMENT WAS LITERALLY CALLED LIKE yn & atsumu and for some reason all of my friends wanted to COME UP FROM BEHIND ME AND HUG ME!! OR LOOK AT MY SCREEN!! and i was just 😃😃😃 but i have no shame so oh well

THE ORIGINAL SHORT STORY SOUNDS GOOD!! ESP IF IT ALMOST MADE YOUR FRIEND CRY?? 😭 I HOPE YOU'RE DOING ALRIGHT THOUGH <3 AND I LOVE HEARING YOU TALK!! PLEASE TALK AS MUCH AS YOU WANT I WILL READ EVERYTHING YOU TELL ME <33

I'M SO SO GLAD YOU'RE EXCITED FOR TONICS!! I AM TOO <333 I'M SLOWLY PLANNING IT OUT LIKE ONE CHAPTER AT A TIME AND I'M LITERALLY SHAKING WITH EXCITEMENT OMG OMG OMG <33

THANK U LINA!!! I WOULD LOVE FOR U TO BE MY HITMAN <33 I MAY NEED ONE JUST TO GET THRU SCHOOL BC MY HALLS FR ARE SCARY SOMETIMES YK?? like too many scary girls who look me up and down in their little crop tops and shorts and nike air forces and are like "why are u wearing pants in the summer" BC I CAN?? AND I DON'T LIKE SHOWING THAT MUCH SKIN THANK U?? (sorry this probably makes no sense i think my brain has short circuited today </33) BUT I'M DOING ALR!!! i'm stressed about my theatre duties starting up very very soon 😭😭 but i'll let u know how that goes once they start!!! I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL TODAY!!! AND EAT SOMETHING GOOD <33

[leynaeithnea]

Oh yeah good call doing this song by song becase our essays are getting so long it's illegal at this point haha

Before we get into it, one of the chorus is "kill for love"? DAMN , that's totally not gonna ruin me at all, nu-uh I'll be super fine for sure

Okay let's go

This song is literally my fave of the saga, stuck in my head on repeat because of the melody and the beautiful vocals but also the story?? She is actually a siren trying to trick him but he pulls out a uno reverse card and tricks her even harder ??? Once again LYING CUNNING CHARACTERS FOR THE WIN AJSKSNBSB

Also I'm so jealousy of you bc I did not have it in me to wake up in the middle of the night for the stream but I wanted to see it so baaad, I would have been even more confused than you at 5am don't worry your wild theories are valid

Their little banter is impeccable "answer some questions for me please ?🥺" " Of course babe 🤭🙃" let's say I was on the run from Poseidon that big meanie 😔" " Oh nOo pookie poor you 🥺" They are so unserious !!! And then the vocals in her reply keep me up at night " sailing where he's scared to roam" is done so majestically akdmndns

Can't fight you on this , Ody saying he's shy and terrified is so fuckin funny and random hahahah

Oh good gods don't let me think about it because I know ,I KNOW HE'S PRETENDING A LITTLE BIT THIS IS REALLY HIS PENELOPE AND IT HURTS SO BAD the way he says he'd die for her and he misses her so much , "more than you know "because the siren actually doesn't know , she has no idea how much he misses his wife asakkksnns free my boy he deserves some smooches from his wifeee

( I love how you keep slipping Neil in the conversation and I do not fault you for it bc liars= Neil-Josten-hiding-his-whole-ass-murderer-father-with-ties-to-the-japanese-mafia-like-it's-nothing )

ALRIGHT I have a bit energy again

I agree with everything u said moving to the next song now!

22. Different Beast

the arrow followed by this ear piercing screaming (good think they all had beeswax in their ears fr)

ODY IS SO MAD "lets cut the charade you are no wife of mine" I almost feel like he hates the Siren even more for DARING to pretend to be Penelope, and making him yearn for her even more

the music in that one is also soooo sinister and creepy

and how his voice changes with "i know underwater theres packs of you hiding, yeah i know exactly what you are, a siren" its so vicious and cunning iTS soo good

Then the siren hiss seigsegj

AND THEN THE DRUMs when he starts singing "my real wife knows im not scared of the water, and my real wife knows i dont have a daughter" like the drums rise when he speaks and between the lines and when the strings or whatever they are come up again, the drum gets quieter again for a moment only to rise up again when he speaks...its so cool, i love this drum beat, which continues while he tells his whole big-brain plan (love how we see Odys hubris in this one, he gets so smug about his plans with the sirens that he spends a whole song explaining it to us, on one hand its exposition and him just recalling what happened for story purposes but also it fits the character for his pride - which in the myth is also his fatal flaw - takes over)

also "we are a different beast now" chorus: basically is just "we are the monsters rawr rawr rawr"

"we've been away from home for ABOUT 12 YeARS OR SO" JORGE; JORGE WE KNOW WHAT YOU DID HERE

I've also been wondering, i kind of feel like the ryhtm of the music doesnt fully-align with the lyrics bc theyre shifting between singing and sing-talking, and ive been wondering if thats maybe like a suble sign that acutally Ody and the crew dont hear a thing rn? kinda? idk, i dont have enoguh knowledge about music theory to actually explain the sort of dissonance i feel is happening, it could also just be done like this to showcase how theyre the different beasts now

Sirens singing "spare us" is eery and pretty

Odys embracing the lesson people have been trying to teach him throughout act 1 finially "why, so you can kill the next group of sailirs in this part of the sea, nah you wouldve spared me"

"cut of their tails we're ending this now, throw their bodies back int he water let them drown" HE IS THE MONSTER RAWR RAWR RAWR

AND THen the CHOIR LYRIcs shift to "HE is a different beast now, he is the one to feast now" (i lowkey imagine him just snacking on some Siren tail in that line ngl, the only way the lyrics "the ones to feast now" makes sense is if they literally feasted on these tails, it would also explain why Ody specifically wanted to cut of their tails)

also Ody plss "Kill them all"...ow, but fair i suppose, but you couldve just slit their throats

ADN THEN The last lyrics being "Odysseus" omg gsiejgisejg love it

Also i dont know when this shifted from "my favorite lines in the musical" to "my reaction and analysis to every song" but by now im just vibing with it

[landograndprix]

overcaffeinated anon here with her longass opinion piece on mini me, mini you🙋🏻‍♀️

so because I feel like it's been so long since I started it and I want to get all the feelings back I will be rereading it and adding my thought onto every part

Part 1: Lando saying 'get off your phone or I'll send you back home' -bestie the foreshadowing 😐 part 2: when y/n is telling her bff 'that's the man you're marrying next year..' - her bestie really wants them to break up 🫠 Lando saying 'you piss me off when you say that, stop thinking the boys are more important than you, they're not' -> hun if you leave four days early when you're having a hard time with your girlfriend, she will think that part 3: ahhhh the good old miscommunication trope mixed with the bestie not knowing when to stick to her best friend. rereading the text messages between yn and her bestie actually hurts (but hun you hit every note to make it angsty) bestie saying 'I asked you bcs I knew I wasn't gonna hear the truth from yn what kind of answer is this' actually is maddening Charles is flirting with her but girlie is staying respectful (I'm kinda split on how I want this to end sooooo excited to read both parts) part 4: bestie being a snitch (truly sick because I could never do that to my best friend- that girl is my sister) Lando and yn's text convo was truly heartwarming aaaaand Charles and yn talking about kids made me tear up a bit and her then posting him AND LANDO TELLING HER TO SHUT UP LIKE YES TELL HER OFF MAN part 5: the fact that they got a dog is kind of cute and solves her feeling lonely when Lando is away, but it isn't a bandaid to the whole baby-situation the only way I'd say 'a thing or two' to my bestie is like this 'bestie I love you and I may be overstepping but I feel like if I don't say this I'm disrespecting our friendship….' part 6: ahhh the england thing aaaaand he threw her out - ouch but I kind of understand where he is coming from part 7: ahhh the break up aaaaand Charles being nervous is cute part 8: (i think this is where I stopped and now everything is new to me) ahhhhh Landoooo you can't say that - hindsight is 20/20 and the bestie coming through at the end

Part 9- Lando's part: AHHHHHH I DON'T THINK I CAN CHOOSE HIM OVER YOU I AM SCREAMING THIS IS SO CUTE AHHH SHE IS PREGNANT THIS IS SO CUTE I AM TEARING UP 😭😍😍

Part 9- Charles' part: awwww Joris is mad as well 😂 I love Charles the pregnancy tests 😭 but CHARLES IS SO CUTE FOR BEING SO INSISTENT ON GOING TO THE DOCTOR WITH HER AND LANDO CONGRATULATING THEM AND THEY ARE HAVING A BABYGIRL 😍😍😍

Applause to you for coming up with that story it's so good and you did really well with all the angst, and fluff and the potential love triangle 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

ugh thank you for this, this made my night 😭 also;

Lando saying 'get off your phone or I'll send you back home' -bestie the foreshadowing 😐

bestie, you don't know how surprised I am by my own foreshadowing because I am in fact never foreshadowing anything considering I never know what's happening next, I barely even know what happened in the first part when I got to chapter 3 so.. 😭

'I don't think I can choose him over you' will forever be my favorite line in this story along with the "I'm freezing my tits off" "please don't, I love those two." Conversation between the gremlins 🥰

Thanks again for this, you're the best! <3

[a-friend-of-mara]

Hi hello yes

Uhhhh

ALSO TRIGGER WARNING!

Talking bout a bit of abuse stuff and will probably pull up some long dormant frustrations regardless of your stability rating

If you're having a bad day or are "fine" but not fine please scroll by and have a nice day

This is gonna be a little crazy for a sec but please stay with me bc it's worth it

You know how in some games (stardew valley for example) your relationship with a character is measured with a single number, let's call that X bc it's a variable, if [person] likes the thing you did you get +relationship points (higher X value) while doing things theu don't like does the opposite, - relationship points (lower X value)

There's nothing wrong with this is games, in stardew valley it's very simple and does its job well

(I promise I'm building to something)

In games like Fallout New Vegas your reputation with the various factions is represented with two variables, infamy and fame, infamy is gained by doing things the faction disapproves of (stealing, helping their rivals, murdering their members), fame is gained by helping thee faction (doing quests for them, helping them with stuff, etc)

Because the game uses two variables which I'll now refer to as I for imfamy and F for fame, paints a much better picture of your relationship with a group of people, because you can't loose infamy or fame, once you get those points they're there forever

(FNV players I know about the midgame switch, I'm making a point)

If you have very high infamy and no fame they hate your guts

High fame, low infamy, they idolize you

That's how it'd be in most games but if you have high fame and got caught pickpocketing more than a few times then they consider you a "good natured rascal"

Overall a very dynamic system

In reality a lot of people, especially those with abusive tendencies will feel guilty about how they treat others and "make up for it"

No ammout of gifts or "I love yous" can make up for certain things, I won't tell you why but I know firsthand why

If someone in your life upset you then you should allow yourself to be mad at them for as long as you need, if they tell you to get over it then they're just not very mature.

Just because you forgive someone for their actions doesn't mean that you have to forget about them too

Please understand that if this sounds like anything that happened to you in your life, you ARE NOT the problem

If you've done something like that to someone else I need you to think about what happened, because from the other point of view, you're a bomb that goes off every so often and it's best just to avoid it for as much of the day as possible and to brace for impact when it's coming

What the fuck do I mean by that? Let's say most of the times you go near your parent/boss/person with power over you and they yell at you/assign you a task you don't wanna do/anything negative for you

How would you respond?

You avoid them!

For parents who are actually trying, look, parenting is really hard, but please, you're just as human as your kids, remember that just because you've been alive for longer doesn't mean you will always know what's best for them

Also speaking from experience, the two worst things you can do to your kids is to make them think they can't be themselves around you or them fearing you

If you wanna see them again after they graduate high school,

Because IRL there's more variables to a relationship than I can count!

If you think it's just one then you're very wrong and need to have some long talks with the people you care about and maybe a therapist

If you sum it up to two, good stuff and bad stuff, that's better

But

Life isn't a game, as much as I wish it was (fuckin wish I could quicksave/quickload)

You are allowed to fuck up, but if you take nothing away from this, if you hurt someone the best way to deal with it is to admit your mistake and say sorry, it may be hard, they may yell at you, but life is rarely easy, and the things worth doing are rarely easy, you're allowed to make mistakes but please, admit when you're wrong and when the time comes, face the music.

[wowowwild]

Ok Justice For All. This is not going to be exhaustive or comprehensive but here we go.

The first case we don't really need to cover. It's a tutorial, it achieves what it sets out to do, there's not a whole lot else. I really like the amnesia concept and while I wish more had been done with it (like being used in a regular case), I understand the mechanical service it does for a tutorial.

Our second case is solid. It was really fun to figure out exactly what happened and if you've been following my 'game posting' tag you saw exactly how much fun I had. I kind of wish we had gotten more out of Misty, but that wouldn't really work in this medium (lol get it). Obviously I love Pearly I adore her I would be her slave she deserves the world. Phoenix, stop showing her the horrors, please. I just really have to keep coming back to how fun this case was to solve. Sometimes the correct things to do mechanically make no sense to me bc I don't leap far enough with my logic, but this case I was able to do pretty easily which tells me it was very well written with the proper foreshadowing and such (and I am a sucker for properly laid ground work). I like that we get more Fey lore. I am devastated that I guesses the twist ending but I had no one to witness it. It's probably my favorite case this game.

Bigtop is a mess. We're going to ignore the Regina age problem for our sanity and pretend she's 18 bc wtf (I knew this but just now [as I was typing the end of this paragraph] connected the dots that in Japan 16 is viewed as our 18 and they just didn't localize her age). I really like Max! He's my favorite character to come out of this case and I will never let go of my wrightica/galactright ship (is there an official ship name?). He thinks Edgeworth is dead, it could happen. Also! Diversity win! The guy who murdered you is wheelchair bound! But actually I really like the concept of Acro's motivations, driven to madness and murder by grief. I like it less when we come back to Regina's canon age, like even when she's 18 Acro should still view her as a child and personally I could never hold something like that against a child. It was decidedly and accident and not even remotely her fault. It's not her fault your brother was swayed to do something idiotic by the power of boners, my guy. Also Regina is not ok. She needs help and the only one who realizes it is Moe. Everyone else is 'enabling' (that's not exactly the word I'm looking for but it's in the ballpark) her. Her own father was likely the worst offender. Moe may not be funny (I actually liked his jokes) but he is genuinely a great guy.

Our last case: Extremely well written. I went into this already knowing the outcome, how could I not. Despite this, I was so worried about Maya everything else went out the window. For a minute I actually convinced myself of the possibility that Adrian had done it (I am so sorry for everything we put you through, but it was for Maya). This case really put me in Phoenix's shoes. I'd imagine if you don't actually like Maya, this might not do for you what it did for me, but if you don't like Maya I don't know how you've managed to play all the way through the second game. Of course the good ending where you toss Engarde to the wolves (the assassin he hired) is iconic. That's what you get. Again if you've been following my 'game posting' tag you know I had strong feelings about Edgeworth through this. Most of them were due to the stress of Maya being kidnapped (I seriously got waaayyyyyy too in character during this case), but also he was smug as hell for no reason when he showed back up. He was like 'new me!' and refused to elaborate. Phoenix is not a mind reader, my guy. He won me over again so we're good. Also the dinner? At the end it literally says "I wonder if there's anything I can give him to express how I feel...?" I think we can all imagine my first thought... actually I don't trust people to put thoughts in my head, my first thought was a kiss. (You actually give the whip and Miles yet again thinks Phoenix is a mind reader, will it ever end?) I can't forget! Gummy's official stint at Wright Co! My one post about him being a Phoenix Wright weird girl was really popular and then my second (about this case) also got some notes, so clearly this is the Gumshoe content we're all looking for. (Can they please stop firing him though? He's going to end up dead on the street from starvation.) I thought it was really something how much Phoenix trusts Gumshoe. He said

The scene with Franziska and Miles at the end was sorely needed and it was fantastic. They're both growing and healing from shared trauma and it's beautiful.

Over all... I forget, is this the one people don't like out of the trilogy? I liked it. The first is obviously iconic and banger after banger, but I do like this one. Overall it's definitely worth playing and very enjoyable. (Idk bc I haven't tried it personally, but there's a post going around about ds estore emulation or something where you can play games from the ds estore for free now that it's closed, so as far as I know you can play it for free now.)

[bebx]

hi im so sorry but i need to get this off my chest and i cant talk to my friends about it because its so embarrassing and ive talked about it PLENTY

but anyway long story short i was dating someone, we have a weird history dating wise & have been best friends for 3+ years before that all started. literally three weeks ago we decided to be exclusive, on friday i found out that the day before, he kissed another girl IN PUBLIC. i know that girl, they've hooked up before (when i was also hooking up with him but it wasn't anything really and i didn't actually know for sure if they were hooking up (they were)). so we called it quits.

i still spent the weekend bc i'm weak and all i want is him. he said he never felt a connection like this with anyone, he said he loved me and he said he was sorry a hundred times..... he said it would take a long time before he'd feel 'normal' about me. we were both emotional when i left, and since then i havent really stopped crying lol

AND NOW. i dont know if im just driving myself crazy but i feel like he's (still) (again?) talking to that one girl and it would make sense because he basically cheated on me not even a week ago so why wouldnt he do this now??? but. it feels too cruel. but maybe thats just who he is.

god i hate this so much he drives me completely mad im stalking his every move and every time i see something that even slightly hints at my suspicions i get so ill and it makes me wanna kms. i just wanna feel normal i hate that he did this to me i miss him so bad. i know we literally shouldn't ever get back together again because this is just a fraction of the shit thats happened in the past 10 months, BUT I ONLY WANT HIM. and i feel like we're soulmates. BYEEEEE this is so humiliating. im so tired i just want it to end

hugging you so tight right now, anon!!! 🩷🩷🩷 so sorry you have to go through something like this. I can’t say I know exactly how you feel, because each person experiences this type of pain differently, but I do know it just super sucks when the person who hurts us and the person we want to hate turns out to be the one we love the most. sometimes our hearts can be stubborn just like that (it all would’ve been so easy if we could convince ourselves to stop caring and to being able to fully hate them and moving on, but it’s never that easy, sadly). I can’t tell you what to do or how to react to the pain you feel, but know that your pain is valid and how you feel / how you react / how you cope with that pain, that’s valid too. and you are not weak for being hurt when someone wronged you, especially when it’s someone you trusted. I know this is cliche and is so much easier said than done, but please also be kind to yourself, above anything else. that boy and the girl he cheated on you with, they don’t deserve you. they lost you, not the other way around. think of this as an opportunity for you to open yourself to someone else who truly loves and values you, whether it be romantically or platonically. I know right now you just want him, but if the wrong person can make you love him this bad, imagine how much happier you’ll be when you finally find the right one who can make you love them the same way you loved him, if not more, the only difference is that they won’t break your heart. and you deserve to be happy. that someone is out there, and I truly believe you both will find each other when the time is right. but for now, try loving and being gentle to yourself even if it’s hard (I know it can be hard, but at least give it a try), the best revenge is to prove to them that you don’t need them to be happy and that you can heal from this and thrive without them in your life. doesn’t matter how long it takes, but you will get there one day, and you will look back and be so damn proud of yourself for how far you’ve come. because hey, look at you, you are still here, and for that, I am so damn proud of you!!

it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be completely broken, because the thing about crying and being broken is that it’s not permanent, even if it feels like it right now.

and by the way, the ones who should feel humiliated are him and that girl, not you. screw it if they deserve each other. YOU deserve so much better than that anyway.

[golbrocklovely]

everyone deals with traumatic events differently, maybe Colby chose to keep working for the purpose of keeping busy and to take his mind off this terrible thing that he was going through. It's a very human coping mechanism.

I say this because this is my escape mechanism for some medical things that I have gone through similar to Colbys, the doctors even encouraged me to keep busy and to try and continue doing things like work and tbh if I hadn't I think I would have given up or lost myself to the darkness.

So taking a break is all well and good but it might not have been what he needed at the time for his mental sanity (we already know in one moment of quiet where he was not keeping busy he messed around with the bald filter on his phone which is a hint that quiet doing nothing time allowed the thoughts to seep in, because they do seep in anytime your not finding some way to keep busy when going through that), so please don't be mad at him for not taking one when he was going through it all.

By the sounds of it from the podcast now the stressful thing has passed and he has the all clear they are planning some kind of holiday in November, hopefully it will be a long one because I do agree Colby especially needs a break. I also agree that he needs to talk to a professional now as well and maybe he does but we don't know about it, I mean it took ages for Sam to confess to seeing someone as it's a very private thing and not everyone feels comfortable saying they see a therapist especially if they are under the publics eye.

i'm not mad that he didn't take a break. if it's coming across like that, that's not my intention. if anything it's heartbreak for him, maybe frustration at the most. i agree with you that he probably had to work thru the diagnosis and chemo bc otherwise it would have gotten bad for him mentally. that's for sure. and i get why he did it, bc at the end of the day he's a work horse. both him and sam don't know how to take an actual break, with absolutely no working whatsoever. i mean even posting for us or anything. they don't know how to do that.

my issue is that it seemed like, to me, that he needed a break way before even finding out he had cancer. last year wasn't exactly a great time for him. he seemed really upset for a while, even talked about not really liking himself/his appearance. it seemed like, to me, his summer was kinda spent feeling this way. along with everything else that went on last year, i just think the last half of the year he seemed off.

then on xplrclub, they did a final podcast at the tail end of december and he talked about his vacation by himself for three days in hawaii - one of them being christmas itself - and that was the most enthused i've seen him in a while. he seemed so happy to take a break. he even joked about looking at real estate in hawaii. and sam…. talked about wanting to jump back into working, but knew nothing would happen until after new years since ppl don't start working until then. and colby, to me, did not seem happy to get back into things. he didn't seem upset, but you could just tell he probably wanted more time to chill out. they talked about how much work they had last year and how they weren't sure how to top that (as if any of us really needed them to do that, but that's besides the point). and colby has mentioned on more than one occasion about getting overwhelmed and stressed out over the workload they set for themselves.

all of this is to say, that while i get why he worked during the entire cancer process, chemo included, it clearly didn't help him in the long run. bc he never got to work thru what having cancer even truly meant. he literally lost a body part and went thru something traumatic and did not process any of it. i get preoccupying yourself, but that doesn't mean you force yourself to not realize what you're going thru. that's no better. i mean, he said it himself that he doesn't even think he's come to terms with the fact he had cancer and that he lost a part of himself. and that he's gonna have to deal with that for the rest of his life. he himself said that almost verbatim on xplrclub. again, i get not wanting to lose yourself to the darkness, but you can't ignore it either. it's still gonna be there whether you turn your back to it or not.

that's why i feel like after he knew he was cancer free, instead of headfirst diving into work again like nothing happened (after a week of binge drinking in japan), he should have took time to really heal or actually take a break. bc it seems like once he had an ounce of time to think about all he's been thru, it was too much for him. and forcing yourself to work instead of facing your problems is not the best strategy, i'm sorry. not only that, he pointed out (based on what he said in an extended version of the 'i have cancer' video he put on xplrclub) that one of the reasons he went back into work during chemo was bc he felt like so many ppl relied on him to get better and jump back into things like nothing changed. obviously he worked bc he wanted to, but i think he also thought he couldn't take a break or shouldn't, at the very least. and that's just not healthy. it was funny back in the day for snc to joke about not having a work/life balance, but that's not the case anymore. the fact they don't have personal lives as much as they should have is concerning, not cute.

and again none of this is meant to be me saying colby's dumb or stupid for his decisions. i'm not saying that at all and i don't feel that way either. i get why he chose what he did. i just wish he understood that taking a break is also a valid, and really necessary, choice that he should make. sam included. they both went thru hell and i don't think they've realized it bc they force a smile and keep pushing on. you can only say 'it is what it is' so many times.

and as for the therapy, i truly hope he is seeking something out. whether it's with a professional or even in a group setting. just something. and i get him not wanting to tell us if that is the case. totally understandable, i don't fault him if he is seeking treatment but isn't saying anything to us. i don't personally think he is just bc he hasn't even alluded to it and he has always talked so positively about mental health and seeking treatment when you need it, that i find it a bit strange for him to not mention it if he was. but again, it's his choice and if he wants to tell us, cool. and if not, also cool.

[b1mbodoll]

AAAAAAA OMG DO I HAVE A LONG ASS ASK FOR YOU. MY DATE/NOT DATE HAS JUST CONCLUDED....

So a little back story - I worked with this guy this past summer and like the first time we met I alr liked him. Like he was exactly my type. Like 100%. But I'm super shy (never dated anyone, never kissed anyone, never held hands with anyone) so I never really did anything obvious that I liked him bc I was nervous. We kind of flirted (maybe) a lot near the end of the summer. We texted a lot a lot but he ended up moving up to college for his apartment earlier than expected so we never got to see eachother after our last days of work. There was lots of drama on my end surrounding that trust. Like mental anguish bc I fumbled the bag hard.

Anyways. We start school respectively (I go to school in NY and him in TX) and we don't talk that often, just snap like everyday. But as the semester goes on we reply to each other's stories and have short, friendly convos more frequently. Flashforward to like, a week ago or something. I reply to his insta story and we start talking. He finds out that I'm going home for Thanksgiving and he is to so he asks me to hang out. This is odd bc we weren't close enough as friends for me to think that he would ask to see me.

Anyways again, I'm skipping details bc otherwise I'll never finish this lmao - the date/not date was like everything else we do. Vaguely romantic but could also be friendly. He picked me, we ate dinner and then went ice skating together. He walked up to my door to get me, held open doors for me, and opened the car door to walk me back to my house after we got back. But like - no moves were made. No attempts to hold my hand or kiss me. AT ALL. But like he also complimented my butterfly hair lips like sir 😭😭 idk what you want from me.

But now I'm feeling kind of tired of 6-7 months of not knowing where we stand with eachother. So I texted him afterwards saying "Thank you so much for tonight, I loved seeing you again! Although, I did want to know if it was a date or if it really was intended as just a hangout, bc it did seem like it sometimes? Either way, I'd love to meet up with you again if we're both in town!" He then liked bith of the thank you messages and replied, we definitely should. But then he replied to the daye/not date ask with - I don't know. I'll have to think about it. He then said something about it being more than he anticipated but still good, so idk if that means that it wasn't intended as a date but became one and he enjoyed it or if he meant it as a date but I fumbled the bag (I give just as many mixed signals bc I'm an anxious coward lmao) but it still ended up okay.

HOWEVER, I AM A GENIUS, LIKE RIZZ MASTER 1000. I accidentally left something in his car so tmmr morning he's gonna drive back to drop it off (It's like an hour round trip for him). And tomorrow is the day I will stop being a bitch. I'm gonna tell him that I'm interested but that I also do genuinely enjoy him as a person so like, however he intends to meet up with ne in the future I'll be okay with that.

So yeah. Story time over 🫶🫶🫶🫶 Sorry that it's actually so long but I remember how excited you were so I wanted to let you know how it went 💗💗💗💗

IM ON MY KNEES RN STOP u r so cute and agh!!!!!! i will be needing an update with whatever happens pretty please, honey 🤲

im so ☹️☹️☹️ u guys went ice skating ☹️ that’s so so so so fucking cute!!!!!! that actually is so cute my heart cant take it ໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১ but no moves being mad.. 🤬 yeah i need to have a stern talking to with this man!!! what r ur intentions with my little angel, you HEATHEN!!! hehe no but srsly dont be anxious sweetheart! i know its hard n way easier said than done, but you seem so wonderful and im sure he thinks that as well! im so glad you had a good time <3

rizz master 1000 has me crying omg ur too silly 😭 but him driving AN HOUR TO GIVE U UR THINGS STOP IT my little heart is so warm :( im proud of u for messaging him and asking for clarification about what the lil hangout was! n pls u r anything BUT a bitch!!!!! ur perfect and i hope things work out well with him!

dont apologize for he length! i love anything romance so inwas looking forward to this update!!!! wishing u the best of luck with him <3 mwah

[kart0]

Little update !

Heyyy everyone !!!! Just wanted to write lol

So last update I told you I was going to my psych appt but she fucking cancelled it ? And then I rescheduled and then she just fucking bailed on me and didn't even show up to her own clinic ? Anyways I got very very upset and angry bc apparently she was TRAVELLING TO FUCKIGN NEW YORK ????????????? y'all...istg I must be a fucking saint to tolerate shit like this. Maybe I'm too passive...I didn't even allow myself to get mad and tell her but anyways. I guess I just am too used to sucking things up.

Ok so she told me to lower my dosage, and now I'm like ? Hm, I don't think so. And I might have done something really stupid ?

And I do not recommend anyone to do this PLEASE DON'T, TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR ! Erhm.... I might have stopped taking my meds ? For like. A month now ?

It kinda just happened honestly... I didn't have money to buy them, and then I started to forget taking them everyday, and then I guess I just. Idk I just stopped taking them ? And I only did that because I felt ok ? Not too bad, not too good, normal actually. And I know this is such a stupid part of me but I don't really think the meds were working anyways ? And since I dont feel bad, I guess I just. Do not care ?

I don't know ? I haven't been very anxious, I haven't been depressed, my mania ended a few days ago, I feel, normal. And ok. Idk ? When I got depressed it felt really debilitating but then I suddenly became maniac and it was over very suddenly and now I feel better. The only thing tho is now my sleep schedule is FUCKED. But idk ? Nothing else tbh ?

And I do not advise anyone to do this, I am making sure to say it as many times as it takes !!!!! Please ! I am saying dumb things I am not a doctor I have not studied medicine I have no idea what's going on !!! But I do know my body, and I can tell how I feel. And for now, I feel ok.

I am currently tabling at this anime convention and it's been taking my time for many weeks now, preparing merch and stuff, and now it's finally happening and ? It's very.... Idk ? Idk ? Idk idk I forgot the word (I'm not a native English speaker btw) it's when something goes below your expectation ? The event pretty much flopped, the tables were expensive, and I didn't sell too much. Idk ? Today's the last day (thank GOD, I forgot how much of a hassle and a pain and how tiring it is) so let's see how this will go.

I am so excited for my winter break tho !!!!! Can't wait to just play games and draw fun stuff and rot. Yay ! Soon.....

Also ! Haikyuu movie is finally here in Brazil !!!!!!! YAS !!! I AM SO SO SO HYPED AND EXCITED ! I haven't gotten tickets yet ofc cuz I'm busy but soon...soon my dear...

And ? It think I might have a little infatuation with this guy on my class. He is very, and I mean, VERY, handsome, and pretty, he's so good looking, I'm embarrassed to interact with him, and I get all awkward and shy. I just forget how to behave normally ? And I try so FUCKING hard to act normal (more than usual since..I act like this all the time. It's the tism) anyways and I found out he's not actually dating anyone ? Last year I knew he had a gf (she's in my class too) and I swore they were still together, but just were very low profile. Turns out no they broke up. Ugh I just. And he makes silly jokes of me and just, acting like an annoying little shit (he's the youngest sibling) and keeps saying I'm bald and stuff like that (just cuz...I dyed my hair blond ? Idk what his thought process is) anyways so like. I can't even tell if he likes me as a person ? He also keeps saying fuck yourself constantly to me . Like. Uhm ? Idk ? I am very intimidated by him but I can't tell if it's because he's the most beautiful person I've ever seen or if it's cuz of these "jokes". At first I thought it was very mean, and I tend to take things vry literally so I tried my best to not interact with him because i didn't want him to keep saying mean things, and didn't want to ruin even more my reputation or what he thought about me, but then I realized he jokes like this with everyone ? Which, honestly, is very very stupid. Hes a little stupid. I think it's because he's a man.

Anyways, I'm just so confused. I'm trying not to think too much about it because I tend to over project and my mind spirals and I start imagining scenarios and I might get confused and convince myself I have feelings that I might not really have ? Idk... I know I'm a romantic for sure so like. I tend to imagine too much idk idk idk so I keep trying to rationalize and think straight. Like, we don't even get along that well ? I think ? I don't even know if we're even friends ? I know he knows prettier people than me. I'm not very good looking. I'm not very nice too. I'm not good at anything really, and I don't have a very good personality. I am just not good. I have a friend and she's so sweet, and her nickname is "jesus". Cuz she's just nice and hardworking, and she always tries her best. And... I won't lie. I really really like her, and I can tell you all these things are true about her. And...it makes a little. Envious. I wish people thought about me that way I wished I was naturally good, and not having to try my best and work to be normal every single day. I wished people would see how much I'm trying. I really really am trying. But it's just not a natural thing to me, I guess. I always, constantly have this feeling, that I'm always performing. Someone is always watching me. And I always have to be my best and try hard and I just. I force myself to be nicer, more considerate, more careful, more thoughtful. Because these things just don't come up to me naturally. I am not good. Sorry for the rant.

Ugh. I think I just am forcing myself to feel something, y'know ? I've always dreamed about falling in love. I don't think I've ever did. Nor will ever do. I am pretty sure I'm aroace anyways.

Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. Why are boys so stupid.

I just hope things don't turn out the way it did before, with my ex best friend. To sum up, he had feelings, I THOUGHT I had feelings too, but I just really really liked him, as a friend. As a best friend, in fact. So I ended up things and we just. Don't talk or hang out anymore. Which made me pretty upset, and made me think I might had actual feelings. Turned out I was just fucking lonely and miserable, and he was my ONE ONLY friend. Now that I've been hanging around with my uni colleagues, I don't feel that alone anymore. I made more friends ! Yay !

Also ! Happy pride month ! Happy to say that it's been some months since I came out as gender fluid, and I am so proud and never been better and as confident ( with my physical appearance) as I was before !

Ugh anyways, thanks for listening to me. As always, I will try to work on myself and become a better person every day. Thank u all !

Oh ! Ps: I've been slowly eating more ! I might fail sometimes but I've been making sure to at least go to bed with a full stomach. So I won't wake up dying and feeling miserable and in pain. So this is an improvement I believe !

[snugglebuddyhan]

Some thoughts about Dangerous Romance:

- I'm down for a bullying trope, but I'm kinda tired of how excessive it gets sometimes. Like, Kang trying to frame Sailom for stealing his credit card? That could have resulted in him either getting fired (I don't remember him losing his job, but Kang said he did, so) or getting arrested and don't get me started on THE GUN?????? Fucking RELAX man. That isn't bullying. That's straight up psychopathic behavior. Please, seek help

- It's actually kinda funny how Sailom is so unfazed by his bullying that Kang literally has no idea how to handle him hence the whole gun thing. He obviously is not used to dealing with people who aren't afraid of him. If he says jump they ask how high........except Sailom

- I don't remember his name, but the guy in Kang's clique that forgot to delete the kissing video and said his mom went through his phone and found it makes me wonder if he's telling the truth, bc why is she going through his phone and especially his camera roll of all places? Makes me wonder if he kept and released the video for a reason we won't know until later on. Your friends aren't always your friends. Maybe he's secretly tired of playing a part in Kang's bullying. Idk, I'm just hoping there's more drama in the series than whatever Sailom and Kang got going on

- Sailom's brother not answering his phone actually pissed me off. Like, I was LIVID. I got so mad I had to pause it and pace around my room, bc of ALL times for that happen OF COURSE it was when Sailom needed him the most

- They got closer and more friendly in the 3rd episode and if that's as far as their enemies to lovers trope plays out then it's not an enemies to lovers series. You gotta give me more than 2 episodes. I need more hatred and tension than that to feel anything and if they somehow go back to fighting each other for whatever reason that doesn't count. They already crossed over the initial line of hating each other. Their dynamics have completely changed. A second time will do nothing for me

- In the 3rd episodes trailer it looked looked like they did a thumb kiss in the alleyway and I was THIS close to dropping the series when I saw it, bc there isn't anything in queer media I hate more than actors who take on the roles of queer men, but are afraid to kiss men, BUT when the episode came out I saw that it was a thumb kiss, but it was something Kang did on purpose and not something the actors did, so I'm good

- Sailom is a dom

- I noticed one of the twins having a role in the series. I've seen them in multiple bl's, but now that I think about it I don't think I've ever seen them play a queer role. Just an observation

- Okay, I hate excessive bullying, but I also hate when the bullies are set up to be empathized with when we see what's supposedly the "reason" they act out so much. Like, I'm sorry your father treats you like you're never going to accomplish anything in life, but it doesn't excuse the shit you do to other people

- Also, I hate that it's always the poor characters abuse being the catalyst of all good things for the antagonist. I really hate rich boy x poor boy tropes. The poor characters really get put through the roughest shit in order for the antagonist to change and become a better person

- I don't remember their names, but I really hope the 2 dudes who fought in the bathroom aren't the side couple, bc I'm not really feeling it

[free--therapy]

I'm a people-pleaser, I rarely say no or set boundaries with people, I hate conflict, and I don't know how to stand up for myself. I usually go with what other people want and do what they say without saying what I want or need or expressing my own opinion bc to me that's just easier. I've been trying to raise my self esteem lately and be more assertive, so today when my friend texted me a question about something school-related I asked them to "please stop asking me about school stuff as it really stressed me out." And it does. When the text came I was having difficulty breathing and was worrying a lot about school, I was extremely anxious, so I decided for once in my life to actually be honest about what I feel and set a boundary. It was a disaster. My friend got angry at me, accused me of being rude, and said that they never respond like that whenever I ask them questions or help for school. And it's true. Every single time I needed to know something about an assignment or anything school-related, I asked them and they always responded and helped me. Although, before this moment I also always helped them when they needed it, and I did even answer their question this time after I told them I was stressed and to stop asking me stuff. So now I feel bad and I'm wondering if it was unfair of me or if I overreacted? Or if I really was being rude? It wasn't my intention to be rude, I was trying to be firm but polite. I thought I stated my boundary in a polite way, so I'm not sure why they reacted like that. Am I in the wrong here? I'm so sick of letting people walk all over me but the second I try and stand up for myself, even in the most miniscule way, this happens. I'm not sure what to do. Any advice?

Hey Anon,

I don't think it was unfair for you to say what you said, especially if that's really how you felt. I know it's so easy to have texts get misunderstood by others, so it's hard to convey how you're feeling sometimes. I think your friend was the one who overreacted, regardless of whether or not you've helped them out in the past. I don't think you were being rude. Unfortunately for some people, they're not used to hearing "no", so they take offense to it. But honestly, that's on them. You shouldn't have to feel guilty for saying no. That's why setting boundaries can be so challenging because we hate conflict, we want to please others, and we don't want any trouble. Were you able to explain to your friend about why you didn't want them talking about school things? Maybe if they were able to fully understand your reasoning, they wouldn't have reacted that way, but even if you did and they still reacted that way, then that's an issue on their end and not yours.

You're definitely not in the wrong here in this situation. It's because you lack boundaries that people will get offended the moment you start enforcing them because they were so used to you always saying yes. Stay true to your boundaries though because that's the only way you'll be able to stand your ground moving forward. I know how hard it is to not be liked or to have people get mad because you want to put yourself first, but if you're telling me that you're sick of letting people walk all over you, this is how you start to stand up for yourself. You have to be okay with a little discomfort from time to time in order to grow. You're on the right track!

Feel free to send another Ask if you need anything explained further ❤

[reidgraygubler]

carolina (spencer reid/reader

Title: Carolina

Request: no, but it was written for @spencerreidbingo​

Couple: spencer reid/fem!reader

Category: smut/angst, with a tiny bit of fluff

Content Warning: SEXUAL CONTENT (praise kink, mild-innocence kink, daddy kink, fingering, oral (male & female), penetrative sex, unprotected sex/cream pie, grinding/petting, hairpulling, breathplay, multiple orgasms, possessive kink, orgasm denial), partying, drinking, swearing, large age gap (between two consenting adults), professor/student, post prison!reid, quick mentions of drinks being drugged (but not actually happening) (if I missed anything, please let me know)

Word Count: 9,064

Summary: Spencer thinks his peer is innocent. But little does he not, she’s not as innocent as he thinks.

A/N: it’s based on carolina by harry styles, bc im a sucker for a good harry song. This was written for @spencerreidbingo​ (i’ll have a separate post with more about that). this takes up the breathplay square on my card (pictured below). This is also the first time im writing a blowjob scene, so im really sorry if it’s not good. i also didn’t have a beta for this, so im kinda blindly posting this. and, lastly, this is a lot longer than i intended. i didn’t mean for it to get this long… it’s just a bunch of words my brain wouldn’t stop saying until i wrote it... i seriously hope you all enjoy this. thank you all for the love and support! check out my masterlist!

~*~* THIS DOES CONTAIN 18+ CONTENT!! *~*~

{***}{***}{***}

I kept my eyes low as I stepped into the lecture hall 5 minutes before anyone else. The professor was writing something on the chalkboard, so his back was facing the room. 

“Uh, hello,” I spoked, stepping closer to his desk. He jumped slightly and dropped his chalk at the sound of my voice. I would have expected him to know students would be showing up earlier, considering it was the start of a new semester. And, I honestly would have assumed he was told a new student was coming. That’s not my job. 

“Oh, sorry,” he turned around to face me. I smiled softly, watching

as he bent down to pick up the chalk. I cocked my head to the side, watching his backside as he stood back up. He pushed his hair away from his face. “You must be the new transfer,” he asked, resting the chalk on his desk, beside a pile of pens.

“Yep. That’s me…” I smiled, looking up at his face, keeping myself from further checking him out. I quickly offered my hand and gave him my name. “I know I’m early. I figured I’d get the syllabus from you now instead of after class,” I nodded as I adjusted my grip on my bag. He stared at me for a moment, his eyes lingering on my face and then down my body, and that moment felt like an eternity. I shouldn’t be mad or frustrated with him. I basically did the same thing to him moments ago.

 I cleared my throat to get his attention once again. “The, uh… The syllabus?” I asked as my smile faltered slightly. He looked at me before looking at the pile of papers on his desk before quickly moving.

“Right, right, sorry,” he muttered as he began shuffling through the piles of paper on his desk. “Um, here you are,” he looked back up at me as he handed me a small packet. I looked at it for a moment before looking back up at the teacher.

“Perfect, thank you,” I spoke, my words kind of lingering because he never actually gave me his name. 

“Right, sorry, Spencer. Spencer Reid. I won’t be a drill sergeant about the whole Mr., Dr., Professor. You can call me whatever you want,” he smiled as he placed his hands on the back of his chair. I held back my laughter and the wildly inappropriate joke that I wanted to make.

“Well, Professor Reid,” I smiled as I looked down at my watch, “I better go find a seat before your class starts. I can’t wait to be in your class,” I looked up at him before turning to find a spot. When I sat down, Spencer looked at me with a smile, before going back to writing on the chalkboard. 

I quickly and quietly pulled out my books and pens as the other people in the class filed in and took their seats. Spencer quickly finished writing on the board before turning around to greet the class. And, even as he spoke to the class, and looked around at each of the other students, his eyes always landed on me, lingering for a moment before going elsewhere.

{***}{***}{***}

Five months. Five months into being in Spencer Reid’s class, and I have been suffering. I’m not a new student anymore. But the only friendship I’ve made is with my fucking professor, and there’s a certain level of tension between us. That tension was probably thanks to him staring at me during lectures, and me teasing him while he taught. It wasn’t too bothersome, but I definitely wanted something to happen. Unfortunately for me, I don’t think anything will happen. 

So, can someone please tell me why I invited Spencer over to help me study for a test? It’s a stupid question too, that I already figured out the answer to… I even finished studying for the day, and I’m going to a stupid party. Maybe I could get him to go with… And maybe, just maybe, something could happen.

I nearly jumped when there was a knock on the door. It’s not that I forgot he was coming over. It’s that I was so wrapped up in doing my makeup and forgot what time it was. My mascara almost smudged when I jumped back. Thank God it didn’t smudge too terribly. 

I grabbed my shirt off the counter and threw it on (not bothering to zip it), before running to the front door. I smoothed out my skirt before pulling the door open. And, there stood Spencer. 

“Hope I’m not too late,” he looked down at me and smiled. Although, his smile didn’t stay for too long when he saw what I was wearing. He wasn’t disappointed though, no. He was… He clearly liked what he saw, I’ll just put it that way.

“Oh! Thanks for coming over, but I actually figured it out. I should’ve called you,” I looked up at Spencer as he stepped into my apartment. I struggled to zip the back of my blouse as I walked towards my room. I looked back over my shoulder and noted that Spencer was, indeed, still following me. “Can you zip me up,” I stopped in my tracks before giving up on zipping my blouse. It was a black crop top that paired well with the pale pink tennis skirt. 

“Where… Where exactly are you going tonight? It’s a, uh, it’s a school night,” he asked as he lifted his hands. The cool metal of the zipper pressed against my back, causing a shiver to go through my spine.

“Uh, there’s this party,” I answered, stepping away from him and towards the bathroom, “Thought I’d go,” I looked at him in the mirror. Spencer looked around the bathroom, at the messy mess I had made on my counter. Different pallets of makeup and tools were strewn about, a varying amount of hair care products tossed here and there. It honestly looked like a bathroom of a pageant queen, and not a 20-something-year-old. In my defense, I had to dress to impress someone here in this stupid university. 

“Is that, uh… Is that smart?” Spencer asked, leaning against the door jamb. I looked up at him as I put on some luxurious red lipstick. I smiled as I looked at him.

“I think it is,” I laughed as I picked up something else and turned to look at him, “You wanna come? I wasn’t invited,” I smiled wickedly as I looked at him. His face paled two shades as he looked at me. “Oh, c’mon, Professor, no one will know us there, and I can assure you, no one will even see us,” I looked up at him as I readjusted his tie. He looked down at me before swallowing roughly. 

“I don-”

“I do need a designated driver,” I spoke before cutting him off. I walked past him and towards my room. Part of me wondered what he was thinking as I so rudely rushed past him, or cut him off, or whatever I was doing. I wished I could hear his thoughts. I wondered if they consisted of “The mouth on that girl,” or, “I should punish her for the way she’s acting,” or, my personal favorite, “I should put that mouth to good use,” 

“How old are you again?” Spencer asked once I sat down on my bed. I looked up at him as I slipped my shoes on.

“22,” I smiled and stood up, “Why, is that important?” I smiled as I grabbed my coat and purse.

“Couldn’t remember,” he lied. We both knew he was lying. He even knew that too. Freaking walking computer is what he is. There's no way he conveniently forgot how old I was. “Are you going to be out late?”

“Why? It’s not like you’re my dad or anything?” I laughed, leading him back to the front door of the house. “I don’t plan on being out too late. I know there’s class tomorrow,” I shrugged as I walked towards his car. 

We both stayed silent as he drove with the directions I was quietly giving him. I was pleasantly happy that we were both quiet, but what I hated was the sudden awkward sexual tension that was between us. If he didn’t have this… domineering personality over me there probably wouldn’t be this tension between us.

“Are you going to come with me?” I looked up at him as I unbuckled. He glanced over at me with slight disappointment in his eye. I felt a little bad, but I really wanted to go to this party, I wasn’t going to let my professor’s disappointment stop me. “Please,” I whispered. He sighed before unbuckling himself. I had to force myself to not verbally giggle with excitement before slipping out of the car. Spencer looked down at me as I twisted my hips to swish my skirt. I smiled as I entertained myself. I'm sure if I wasn't watching my skirt, I would have been staring at him, giving myself away. 

“Steps,” Spencer muttered as we got closer to the porch. I looked up at him before looking towards the small staircase. I looked up at Spencer with a smile. He glanced back down at me, a worried crease in his brow. I looked down at my skirt and smoothed it out. I looked at the door as we stood close to it, I contemplated knocking.

  “So, you weren’t invited to this party?” Spencer asked, looking down at me. His voice stopped me from knocking. Instead, I looked up at him and smiled back up at him. He raised an eyebrow as he waited for an answer from me. My smile grew playful as I looked back at the door, raising my fist to knock on it. “No answer?” he asked, still waiting for my answer.

“Oh, please, Professor Reid, I can get into the hottest parties in LA without an invitation,” I smiled at him. That was a little bit of an over-exaggeration. Most college parties I could get into. But not LA parties. Someday though… 

The door swung open, and we were instantly met with loud music blaring through a speaker somewhere in the house. People’s voices and chatter carried all throughout the house, coming through the various rooms and clusters around. “Are you coming in to babysit me? Or, are you going to go back to your car to read the science of the mathematical phenomenon,” I looked up at him, offering my hand to him. I wasn’t exactly sure if that was a real book or not, but I wouldn’t put it past Spencer to read. 

“I’m not babysitting you,” he corrected as he looked down at me with a disappointed look in his eye. I smiled and rolled my eyes. 

“Are you going to come in and watch me drink and party and have fun, Professor… Or, are you going to go back to your car and read your silly little book,” I looked down at my hand, silently telling him to take my hand and come in with me. 

“I, uh, I don’t think it’s exactly in the rules for a professor to party, let alone drink, with their students,” Spencer spoke before looking down at my hand. I dropped my shoulders and looked up at him.

“Fine then… Suit yourself,” I turned around and basically skipped into the house, leaving the door open for him. I made my way towards the loud kitchen and grabbed for a cup and bottle of whatever booze was nearby. I blindly grabbed for a bottle of Grey Goose and dumped it into the cup, no mixer, no chaser. 

“First off,” Spencer’s voice came from beside me. I looked up at him and took a long sip of vodka. “You shouldn’t be taking drinks from people at a party,” he spoke, taking the cup from me. I looked up at him, then the bottle and a new cup. I was only a little annoyed that he took my drink. 

“I… I’m young. I’m not dumb,” I grabbed a new cup and poured more vodka. I looked up at him and offered him a sip. “I know not to drink something given to me by someone I don’t know.” I scoffed before taking another long sip. I cringed a bit at how strong it was.

“Even then someone could slip something into a drink! Even if you did know them!” Spencer exclaimed, causing the surrounding people to turn and look at us. I dropped my shoulders as I looked up at him. 

“If you look around, Spencer, you’re the only person that I know. So unless you’re the one slipping something into my drink… And, as an FBI agent… I don’t think you would,” I cocked my head to my shoulder. Spencer looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “You have more to say,” I added before taking a sip of my drink.

"And, secondly, you're not as innocent as I had originally thought you were," he watched as I brought the cup of straight vodka to my lips. He looked rather unamused with my talent for drinking straight vodka.

"You thought I was innocent?" I asked, nearly sputtering the liquid with my laughter. "Please! I've never been innocent in my entire life!" I shouted over the music. He raised an eyebrow at my statement, and suddenly I had the greatest idea in the world. "But maybe, just for you, I'll be a good girl," I smiled before drinking the rest of my drink in one go. Spencer looked down at me, his lips pressed into a fine as he stared down at me. Ohh, that definitely awoken something in him. I bit back my smile with my offer. Innocent… He thinks I’m innocent. Ha! I honestly don’t remember the last time I was innocent. And, honestly, just for him… I’d be an innocent, good, little girl for Spencer Reid any day, every day even. “I can be your good, innocent little girl,” I smiled at him and cocked my head.

"I don't… I don't think that'd be… appropriate," he spoke, his words very quiet. We both knew that even though it was inappropriate, we both wanted it. We both knew what we wanted to. 

I glanced at him before pouring more drink for myself. "You should learn to pace yourself," he stated and changed the subject. He nervously looked at the bottle of vodka and then around the room at all the other people drinking. Or, he was just looking for a drink that wasn’t booze. Did he actually want to keep me safe, or was I just overreading him?     

"It's a college party, Professor! I'm not going to pace myself!" I shouted just to get his attention back to me. His head shot back down to me. The level of concern on his face only made me feel a little bad, mostly because he was concerned for me. But, he should know… This is a college party.  “Do you want some?” I asked, offering my drink to him again. I held it up to him, close to his lips. His face twisted up as soon as the scent of pure vodka hit his nose.

“No, no thanks,” he held up at hand to block the cup from his face. I pouted before bringing it to my lips. “Do you usually come to parties,” he asked, his eyes darting around the room. Part of me wondered if he wanted to continue that question with “Like this?” But,  I was too busy keeping my eyes on his face, rather than looking around the room like he was. Although, I’m sure he was used to keeping an eye on his surroundings. I’ve never been too worried about it, I probably should… But hey, you only live once. Going to college parties with your 38-year-old professor, and drinking straight vodka, and not really caring about your surroundings proves my point of YOLO.

“If I don’t have class or anything to study for… Yep,” I looked up at him with a sneaky smile. The joke with that was his particular class had a test coming up soon, and I should be studying for it. He knew that too because he just announced the test this morning. Although, he did come to my home, to help me with said test. “But, I wouldn't show up to his class hungover. It’d disappoint him too much. And, he’d care too much about me to even focus on the rest of the class,” I spoke, answering the questions he was thinking. It’s not like I’ve shown up to classes hungover before. Granted, I’ve never shown up to his class drunk or hungover. Mostly because I didn’t want to disappoint him, and only him. Anyone and everyone else can go blow themselves.

“How do you know that?” Spencer asked, looking back at me with furrowed eyebrows. I smiled and stepped closer to him.  

“How do I know what?” I cocked my head to my shoulder. I already knew what he meant by his question, but… I think teasing him and messing with him is fun. And, he knew that too.

“How do you know that you’d disappoint him?” he looked down at me, pressing his chin to his chest to get a better look at me. His hands were away from me, even though I really wanted his hands anywhere on me. I looked over at my hand and the cup I held before bringing it to my lips. I took a long sip, trying to finish the contents in one go. I tossed the cup over my shoulder and looked up at him with a lazy smile.

“Because being hungover, with the slight possibility of still being drunk, would totally disappoint him… And I would hate to disappoint him.” I whispered and shook my head. Spencer looked down at me with something in his eyes, and I loved the way he looked at me. “I told you, Professor, I’d be a good girl for you,” I cocked my head to my shoulder and smiled, “And only for you,”

“You’re drunk,” he pointed out an obvious fake statement. So, I cackled and shook my head.

“I had one drink,” I scoffed and waved off my in the air, “Most definitely not enough to get me drunk,” I flattened his tie out before gripping it tightly, “Like I said, I wouldn’t want to disappoint you,” I smiled before dropping my hand from his tie, “So, why would I show up to your class… Hungover…? I know you’d care… And I know it’d disappoint you. That’s the last thing I want to do to you,”  

Spencer’s adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed roughly. He quickly looked between me and the room, then back at me, then around the room. I faked a yawn before looking away from him.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom, okay, Professor?” I smoothed out his jacket before turning and leaving him alone in the kitchen. I smiled as I skipped away from him, my skirt swishing with my movement. I secretly hoped he’d follow me. But, a quick glance over my shoulder told me he was still in the kitchen.

However, when I finished my business and left the bathroom, Spencer was leaning against the wall right beside the door. I looked up at him and smiled. 

“Follow me,” he muttered, grasping my wrist and pulling me down the various halls and past multiple groups of people. I giggled the harder his grasp grew on me and the faster he moved. I’m happy people were too busy with themselves to notice a 30-something-year-old man was dragging a 20-something-year-old girl down the hall, to which I can assume was one of the only open bedrooms. Fuck… I hope it's a bedroom. 

He was a man on a mission. Not letting anyone get in his way. The smile that grew on my lips was pure excitement. I couldn’t help it. I’m sure we’re both getting what we wanted… I hope.

I let out an excited yelp when he shoved me into, exactly what I thought, an empty bedroom. I’m surprised he knew that there’d be an empty room. Most of them are occupied, with couples (or more) doing exactly what I hope we’re about to do. Which was fuck each other.

Spencer slammed the door shut, and quickly locked it before pushing me against it. I looked up at him and giggled like a fucking kid in a candy store. Again, I couldn’t help it. 

Spencer was quiet, which led me to be quiet. The air in between us quickly grew hot and tense and thick. I really wanted this to move faster, but I wanted him to be the one in charge. I was willing to let this be slow and let him be in charge. So, when he grabbed both my wrists and held them above my head, I smiled so hard my cheeks began to hurt.

“Tell me what you want,” Spencer’s voice was low and deep as he moved close to me. There was little to no space between us. Which left little to the imagination, for me anyway. 

I looked up at him, with the biggest doe eyes I could muster, silently telling him that I wanted the most, in the entire world, was to be on my knees, with his hand tangled in my hair, and his cock down my throat, or to be fucked so hard that I won’t be able to sit properly for several days. But, I couldn’t be that blunt. You gotta play up to that moment before you get it. I’m sure in the end though, I’ll get both things.

I swallowed roughly, trying to think of what to say, because, like I said, I can’t just be blunt yet. So, when I opened my mouth and words just came out, I was pleasantly surprised with what was said. “You’re old enough to be my father, Professor,” I smiled at him as he pinned me against the door. He pressed his hips against mine to keep me against the surface. I could feel a large bulge against my inner thigh, causing me to shiver. “Does that mean I get to call you daddy,” I whispered as I looked up at him through my eyelashes. He is the one who said I could call him whatever I wanted… And he did just ask me what I wanted, and I guess I wanted to call him ‘Daddy’. There was no guessing about him.

Okay, he wasn't exactly old enough to be my father. But he was a lot older than me. Most 20-something-year-olds aren't sleeping with men 15 years older than them… and most 20-something-year-olds aren't sleeping with their professor… I just wanted an excuse to call him 'Daddy'. And he knew that too. So, if we gave each other an excuse for that to happen, then that was all I needed.

I dropped my head to my shoulder to allow him to attack the space on my neck. He dragged his nose across my jawbone before stilling. His lips were just over my neck. As his breathing got heavier, it tickled across my skin. 

“That does have a nice ring to it,” Spencer hummed as he dropped my hands and stepped away from me. I swallowed roughly as I stared at him. I missed having his body pressed against mine, and he knew that. 

I looked at him as I brought my hands to his belt. "I thought you said this wasn't appropriate, Daddy," I whispered as I quickly undid the belt buckle, without looking. I almost couldn’t move fast enough to unbutton and zip his pants. If he wanted me to stop, he would have stopped me by now. “Can I?” I looked up at him, a plea in my eyes.

"You've changed my mind," he muttered, watching me with such close intent, “God, please keep going,” he spoke like if I did stop now he’d probably die. I looked up at him as I slipped my hand into the waistband of his boxers. He hissed as my fingers brushed against his cock. A small smile grew on my lips. 

“Didn’t take much convincing,” I smiled as my fingers wrapped around him. A small groan fell from his lips as I looked up at him. When I pulled my hand away from him not even a moment later, he looked down at me with an alarmed expression on his face. I quickly spat on my palm before sticking my hand down his pants. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted this?” I whispered as I slowly stroked up and down his length. I couldn’t believe it was actually happening. 

“I’ve wanted this since you stepped foot in my classroom,” his voice was low and gravely as he spoke. My breathing picked up a little bit as I looked up at him. 

Okay… Maybe he did know how long I’ve wanted this. Because I also wanted this the second I stepped into his lecture hall. I wanted his cock in my hands and his hand around my throat. It only took-what, five months for this? I’ll make it worth the wait. 

“Does that feel good,” I whispered, carefully picking up speed and adding the slightest bit of pressure in my grip. Spencer’s eyes fluttered shut as he swallowed roughly and nodded. I smiled before pulling my hand away from him, again. I slowly lowered to my knees and kept my eyes on his face. 

Spencer looked down at him as he gently pushed his fingers through my hair. His fingers gripping hard on my roots before pulling hard. I smiled before very slowly pulling down his slacks and boxers in one go. I was only a little bit intimidated by his size, but the excitement I felt went straight to my core. 

I took a deep breath and swallowed roughly before looking up at him. My mouth fell open, and my tongue stuck out, silently telling him that it was okay. Although I don’t really know why I was telling him that it was okay, we both knew what we wanted, and it was only going to take me doing one thing.

I made eye contact with him as I ran my tongue on the side of his cock. Our eye contact didn’t last long, mostly because he let out a moan and dropped his head back. I smiled as I licked across his tip. A sweet and salty taste was on my tongue. 

My jaw fell slack as I carefully took his length into my mouth. I closed my lips around him before slowly bobbing my head, with my tongue swirling around the underside of his cock. I wrapped a hand around what wouldn’t fit into my mouth. And wrapped my free arm around his leg for support.

The sounds of his moans and grunts filled the mostly quiet room. Music, although muffled through the walls and door, could still be heard from outside of our own world behind the door and four walls.

“You were right,” he struggled to speak through groans, “You aren’t as innocent as I thought,” Spencer's hand had a rough hold in my hair as he held me against him. His cock was penetrating my throat, and breathing was beginning to get difficult. My eyes grew wet and tears grew in the corners of my eyes. 

“You’re such a good girl,” he looked down at me as the tears started to roll down my cheeks. I wouldn’t be surprised if my makeup started smudging and I looked like an adolescent raccoon. “You look so pretty with my cock down your throat,” he struggled to let out a coo, before moving his hips closer to my face. 

Everything about this moment, his hand in my hair, the sounds he was making, the way he smelled, being here… Was intoxicating. I’d give anything to be in this moment again. And I’d give anything to get this moment sooner.

 My knees would hate me in the morning, I just know it. I could already sense the dreaded carpet burn before he even started. But, in all honesty, it’d be worth it. Walking into class tomorrow morning, with bruises and day-old wounds on my knees, just to see his expression.

As I began to pick up pace, the sounds Spencer was making started to become more urgent, easily telling me he was close. But, before he could finish, I pulled away from him, crashing into the wall to get away from his grasp. He looked down at me with a mild frustration on his face. I smiled before wiping my chin clean of spit. 

“I guess chivalry is dead. Whatever happened to ladies first?” I asked, my voice a rasp from how raw my throat was. I looked up at him, feeling a certain level of sass grow in my smile. Spencer quickly tucked himself back into his pants before grabbing my hand. 

“Come on, on your feet,” he muttered as he pulled me back up to a standing position. I nearly toppled over into him if he didn’t hold me upright. I looked up at him and smiled. 

“Bed… Now?” I whispered, my tone showing how urgent I was. It’s not that I wanted this over with, it's that I wanted everything to happen to me all at once, and I wanted it to last for a long time. 

Spencer nodded before cupping my face in his hands. He was harsh when he pressed his lips to mine, like his life depended on it, if he did kiss me now the world would end. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he started guiding me towards the bed. And when the edge of the bed hit the back of my legs, he pushed me back onto it. I quickly moved so my head was resting on the pillows. Spencer was quick to take his cardigan off and be over me. 

“You’re not going to fail me, are you,” I joked as he quickly started leaving wet, open-mouthed kisses on my neck. He lifted his head and looked down at me with confusion on his face. “If I’m a bad fuck,”

“If you ask that again, or bring up class while we’re doing this… Then yes,” he muttered as he looked at me. I laughed as I pushed my fingers through his hair. 

“Oh, shut up,” I laughed as I pulled him down to kiss him, again. One of his hands landed on top of my breast, carefully kneading it, causing me to moan into his mouth. 

His hand slowly drifted away from my chest. I pressed my head into the pillow and looked up at him with a smirk. He carefully dragged his fingers up from my chest to the base of my neck, causing me to let out a shaky gasp. I wanted fingers and a hand around my neck, carefully cutting off my airway just right. Suddenly, I never wanted something so badly in my life. Something dark flashed in his eyes as he looked down at me like he knew what I was about to say. 

“Do it… I fucking dare you,” I muttered, placing both my hands around his wrist. My nose twitched as I stared at him. “I said fucking do it,” I spat, pushing his hand down more onto my neck. My words slowly got cut off as the pressure in his hand and fingers tightened around my neck. A moan struggled to escape me, but did eventually fall from my lips. He seemed pretty happy with that.

“Is that good,” his voice was a growl. I looked at him and moaned.

“Harder,” I begged, my voice growing raspier the more I spoke. He smirked before allowing his grip to tighten. His other hand was still sitting on top of my hips, and I could tell where he wanted to put it. I’d be a dirty, rotten liar if I didn’t want his hand up my skirt. In fact, I’d love it if he did more than just his hand. 

Spencer swallowed roughly before finally sneaking a hand up my skirt and resting it on my underwear. My grip around his wrist got tighter as he pushed past my underwear and past my folds. My eyes fluttered closed as another moan was strangled in my throat. 

“You’re so wet,” he purred as he slowly moved a finger around my clit. I looked up at him, as I struggled to swallow roughly. A dark smirk grew on his lips as he watched me struggle for a moment. “Does that feel good,” he asked, mildly mocking me from earlier. His movements picked up speed just a little bit, and my body reacted, well tried to react. 

“Oh, you’re such a good girl,” he looked down at me. His pupils were so blown I could nearly see my reflection in them. “Another thing you were right about,” he whispered as he slipped a finger into my entrance, and curled it just right. My vision slowly blurred before my eyes rolled into the back of my head. Another moan struggled to escape my throat as Spencer added a second finger. 

My body was on autopilot as I lifted my hand and hit his wrist a few times, telling him that I desperately needed to breathe. When I reopened my eyes, I looked up at him a moment before he removed his hand from my neck. Worry and concern flashed in his eyes as I breathed. Air burned like fire in my lungs as I took a deep breath. As I exhaled a loud moan followed behind, easily telling Spencer and I that I had reached my first orgasm of the night. I just hope there will be more... 

“You did such a good job, Princess,” Spencer whispered as he looked down at me. With his free hand, he brushed the tears away from my cheeks. He carefully withdrew his hand from between my legs and held them up to his face. He looked at them for a moment before placing them in his mouth, sucking and licking them clean. I took a shaky breath and nodded. 

He very sloppily pressed his lips to mine, then on the corner of my lips, and down my jaw, and neck. With one quick movement, a loud rip filled the room, as he tore my shirt off my body. I looked up at him with shock in my eyes. To be fair, that shirt was flimsy, to begin with. I was more worried about leaving my chest so exposed as we left the party. 

“Oh, I’ll give you my sweater,” Spencer muttered before attacking my neck and then down to my collarbones, and over my breasts. I gasped as he wrapped his lips around a nipple.

“Mmm, Daddy,” I whimpered as I shifted under him. I brought my hands back up to his hair, tangling my fingers in the hairs on his neck. When he sensed that I was growing restless (even though he just started), he quickly left wet kisses down the rest of my body

“I like the way that sounds coming from your mouth,” he whispered once he was in between my legs. I looked down at him just as he looked up at me. “Good on your end for wearing such a short skirt,” he smiled before pressing his lips to my inner thigh. A shaky breath tumbled from my lips as I looked at him. “Makes for easier access,” he added before going higher up on my leg.

“You’re not going fast enough,” I whined as he just kept kissing, or licking, or rubbing my inner thighs. It was honestly getting annoying. I kind of felt bad for him. Considering I’ve already cum once, and I got him close but didn’t let him finish. 

“I’m not going fast enough?” Spencer looked up at me. I shot him a scowl as I shifted slightly on the bed. Spencer looked back down the apex of my legs before looping two fingers around the band of my underwear. As soon as I lifted my hips, he pulled my underwear off my body and chucked them to the ground beside the bed. “How’s this for fast enough,” he muttered, mostly to himself, before licking between my folds. A breath of air got caught in my lungs as my hands found their way to his hair, my fingers getting knotted up in his roots. 

“Mhm, Spencer,” I gasped, rolling my hips up at him. He hummed, sending vibrations straight to my core. My legs wrapped around him, my heels digging into his back as my own back arched. 

“Ohh, Daddy, please don’t stop,” I cried, pressing my head into the pillow beneath my head. My fingers pulled hard on his hair, pulling him closer to me. He hummed again as he pushed two fingers back into my entrance. My grip in his hair tightened, and I could feel my grip wanting to loosen. 

My breathing picked up as a familiar feeling grew in my stomach. And all I could say was his name, and the suddenly loved nickname I had for him. He seemed to appreciate my reaction too, because he worked faster. Messy and wet sounds, mixed with my breathy moans and calls of his name filled the room, and my end was near. 

“Fuck,” I shouted as I finally came undone. I could sense if I didn’t pull him away, he’d keep going, and going till I couldn’t take it anymore. And, honestly, that sounds great, but I think that’s for next time. I wanted him in me now. “Spencer, Spencer,” I cried as I tried to pull his head away, but failed so hard.

“Nuh huh,” he hummed, looking up at me. I took a deep breath and pressed my head into the pillow beneath me and threw an arm over my face. “Please, Spencer,” I cried as I bucked my hips at him, “Fuck me, please, fuck me, Daddy,” I moaned. He was going faster than before and was clearly trying to work me to the end faster too. It was hard to breathe, and speak because my words would just get stuck in my throat.  

Although, when I did cum, again, for the third time tonight, Spencer did move away from my legs. He knelt between them, wiping his chin with the back of his hand. My body was shaking lightly as I tried to come down from my high.

“Please,” I whispered, lifting a hand up, trying to reach for his tie. He looked down at me with a smile and raised an eyebrow.

“Please what?”

“Please, Daddy,” I furrowed my eyebrows as I spoke. I could feel my voice becoming a little whiney. Spencer moved so he was hovering over me, his fingers gently brushing hair away from my face.

“Tell me what you want, Princess,” he whispered cupping my face in his hand. I looked up at his face, admiring his lips, and eyes, and nose, and the way his lips had a sheen from when he licked them clean and whatever was leftover from when he was eating me out. 

“Please fuck me, Daddy,” I begged, begged. Spencer smiled before pressing his lips to mine for a moment. He sat up away from me to remove his sweater and shirt. My head was spinning from excitement, I didn’t even notice that he was totally undressed.

Spencer was back between my legs, looking down at me like I truly belonged right here. Or, like I was his to fuck with. Either way it was a good feeling. 

“Ready?” He asked, his voice so low that I could hardly hear it over the bass of the loud music. I rapidly nodded my head, worried my answer was the wrong one. But it wasn’t. I desperately wanted this. Needed. I needed this. 

Spencer hovered over me before putting an opened mouth kiss on my lips. I could hardly breathe as he rubbed the tip of his cock against my clit and entrance. I could feel a moan getting caught in the middle of my throat, my body not being about to handle anymore teasing. Until, he very slowly pushed into me.

“Oh, good girl,” he repeated. Those two words, constantly coming off his tongue. Making me feel good. The praise that I hadn’t heard in such a long time, that I longed for. Part of me wondered if he knew I wanted it. “Has someone not been taking care of you?” he asked, looking down at me. I stared at him, not trusting my own voice. My mind was too distracted with the way I felt, light and airy but at the same time full. So I shook my head.

“No, Daddy,” I whimpered and kept shaking my head. Spencer smiled before pressing his lips to mine. 

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you now. I’ll take care of you,” he mumbled before moving his hips. It took him a moment to get a perfect rhythm. He lips attached to different spots on my neck, leaving hickies in his wake.

“Spencer,” I whispered as I moved my head closer to my shoulder to let him have more space.

“You feel so good,” he grunted as he moved his hips so he was deeper in me, “You feel so good, and you’re all mine,” he pressed his forehead to mine as he wrapped his arms around my lower back, pulling me closer up to him. My breathing got deep, my chest heaving with each breath I took. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down, closer to my face. 

“Oh, be quiet,” I whispered before putting my lips on his. He smiled before passing his tongue between my lips. A moan fell from my lips, which he seemed to enjoy… Considering it was probably just music to his ears. 

“I’ll only be quiet if you keep making those little noises,” he muttered against my lips. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He smiled again as I knotted my fingers in the hair on the back of his head. 

“Faster,” I breathed out, keeping my eyes on him. Spencer laughed lightly as he picked up the speed. My hips bucked with his, meeting at the right points. “Please,” I whimpered as I threw my head back more into the pillow. He pulled his arm away from my back and brought his hand between our legs, where we met. 

“It’s okay, Little Girl,” Spencer whispered before pressing his lips to the side of my face. I let out a shaky breah and arched my body into his. I couldn’t believe how good I felt. I almost wasn’t sure if it was fair that my professor was better in bed than other men my age. He was more experienced, to be fair. “You can finish, it’s okay,” he kept his voice low. It almost sounded like he was giving me permission.

I nodded my head, breathing heavily through my nose. “Mmm, Spencer,” I moaned, loudy, as my walls fluttered around him and my release came. And a few moments later, Spencer thrusted deep into me with a grunt, filling me with his essence. His body collapsed on top of me whence he finished.

“Fuck,” I muttered, my fingers still tangled in his hair. My limbs were sore and shaking slightly from the rough movements. Spencer laughed lightly, agreeing with my statement. “We can’t sleep here,” I whispered, keeping my eyes on the ceiling above us. I wished we could just sleep here, mostly because I was exhausted after everything we did.

“I know,” Spencer replied as he slowly moved off and away from me. I looked up at him with wide eyes. “You’re messy now,” he muttered as he basically tumbled off the bed. I quickly sat up, just to make sure he was okay. Although I was happy he was okay, I quickly regretted moving as fast as I did. 

“Your sweater,” I mumbled, reaching out towards where his sweater was lying. He looked down at it before picking it up to hand to me. He also grabbed a fistful of tissues and moved to between my legs, again. “Just give me your boxers,” I looked at him as he wiped the insides of my thighs clean. He looked back up at me, still cleaning my legs. 

“I’ll give you a ride home,” he spoke as he tossed the dirty tissues to the trash. He grabbed his slacks and boxers, tossing me his boxers. I slipped them on under my skirt, and then slipped his sweater on. 

“I’d hope so,” I whispered as I stood up. My body wobbled for a second, nearly falling over, before I caught my balance. Spencer looked back at me, looking at how fucked I looked. I mean, I probably looked about the same as him. 

“I’d given you a ride home either way,” he said as he redressed. I looked at him with confusion on my face. Either way? So even if we hadn’t had sex, he would have given me a ride. I asked him and he said yes. So I would hope he’d given me a ride, even if we didn’t fuck.

Once we were both ready to leave this stupid party, that I didn’t even enjoy (well, I did, I was just in a different world), or was even invited to, we walked out. It was as easy as pie. And, since no one really knew either of us were here, I won’t be known as the girl who fucked the professor.

The drive home was quiet. Like, even quieter than the drive here. He didn’t even have the music playing. I wondered if it was my fault, if he was regretting what we had done. If I had known he’d be so regretful, I wouldn’t have wanted to fuck him. But, I guess its too late now. 

When I looked out the window, I realized we were parked outside my apartment building. I looked down at my attire and looked back at Spencer.

“Thanks… Thanks for the ride… And thanks for the sweater. I’ll be sure to give it back to you… Eventually,” I looked up at Spencer as I pulled the door open to leave.

“See you Thursday,” he nodded at me. I looked at him before slamming the door shut. I scoffed before turning to walk up to my home. I couldn’t want to sleep.

{***}{***}{***}

Two weeks. Two weeks since Spencer and I fucked. Okay, not too bad. I don’t regret it, and I’m not afraid to say that. However, I think he might be regretting it. Considering he’d been nothing but ignoring me since the night of the par-Well, I wouldn’t say ignoring me since then. He did fuck me in his office the following Thursday. But, it’s still been two weeks since he last said anything to me. Fuck, I’ve never been so mad.

“Good morning, Professor Reid,” I looked at him as I skipped into his lecture hall. I heard his words begin to greet me back, but fail when he saw what I was wearing. “Best get to my seat. Excited for today’s lesson,” I readjusted the cardigan that hung off my shoulders before turning to go to my seat. 

I could feel his eyes burning into the back of my skull as I walked away from him. Or, was he staring at my ass. Most likely my ass. It was my ass he was staring at. I was wearing a fairly short skirt, so that’s on me. But, I’d do anything to get his attention today. And it would appear I have gotten it. 

His lesson wasn’t actually anything important. It was just revision for the test coming up soon. But, it was obvious he had other things on his mind, and I was very clearly one of them. It was honestly a little distracting if I’m going to be honest.

So, I was happy when he called the end of class 5 minutes early. Although that excitement was gone the second he called my name to the front to talk. I looked at the ground as I stood by his desk, waiting for the very last person to leave so Spencer and I could have our moment alone.

“What are you doing wearing that?” Spencer asked as soon as it was just us. I tried to ignore the fact that he was trying to take the sweater off me, and made my shoulders drop.

“What? This old thing?” I asked, pulling the cardigan that he let me wear around my body. I looked back at him and smiled. He was not smiling. “You gave it to me,” I scoffed, letting him take it off me without a fight. I watched as he folded it over the back of the chair before turning to face me. 

“I gave it to you so your,” his words began to get jumbled up as he gestured to my boobs, “So you weren’t exposed in front of any-”

“So no one would see what belonged to you?” I asked, folding my arms over my chest. Spencer looked down at me, a flabbergasted look on his face. I smiled and cocked my head to my shoulder.

“I… I never said that,” Spencer shook his head.

“Yeah, but you thought it,” I scoffed and rolled my eyes. Spencer looked down at me. I could tell that he was trying to be the one in charge, kinda like how he was the other night. But it was so, so clear that he couldn’t be in charge. That he wouldn’t be in charge now. That this was just embarrassing to him. Maybe that’s just how our dynamic would work. Out in public, I was the loud one, the one who made everyone think that I was in charge in the bedroom. And, Spencer, in public, was the quiet, shy, nervous one, who was clearly submissive in bed. But in actuality, he was telling me what to do, when and when I can’t cum.

 “Why were you wearing that?” he asked again, his voice pulling me from my very dirty thoughts. I looked up at him and smiled.

“Because you were ignoring me! I needed to get your attention somehow! And then I remembered I still had that,” I smiled at him. I wished I still had his sweater on, because it was actually quite cozy and warm. The look he gave me made me drop my shoulders, suddenly feeling ashamed about the current situation. So, I stared at him, feeling annoyed. More annoyed than I have over the last two weeks. “Do you regret it?” I finally asked, not really knowing if he’d be mad with my question. 

“Pardon me?” He asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked at me. I shook my head and looked down at the ground. “It’s not that I regret it-”

“So you do,” I looked back up at him and dropped my shoulders again. Before Spencer got the chance to say anything, I cut him off, “Oh please, you loved shoving your tongue, and cock, down my throat,” I scoffed before looking at him. The expression on his face flinched slightly as he looked back at me from behind the desk. “I get to… I get to be your good, little girl, your princess for, what, a week? A day? 12 hours? Whenever the fuck you want... And I’m supposed to go back to normal life the next day? And… And pretend that nothing happened!” I stared at him and shook my head. Spencer looked over at the door and back at me. “Thinking it’ll never happen again!” I shouted. I didn’t mean to shout, honest. But I was starting to get angry. He made me feel something like I belonged to someone. And now I don’t feel like that. 

“Will you stop talking for a second,” he muttered before stepping away from me and his desk. He walked over to the door and shut it. I crossed my arms over my chest and watched as he walked back over to me. “I never said you had to pretend as if nothing happened. And I never said that I regret it,” he spoke in a harsh whisper. I looked at him with mild irritation on my face.

“It sure fucking felt like it,” I spat at him. 

“You’re all I think about… Christ, I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you that. I never said you had to forget everything… Because I’ve been having a hard time forgetting it myself.” He looked up at me. I almost refused to look at him, but his voice was so soft that I had to look at him. “I never expected you to forget,” he added. 

“Then why are you acting like it didn’t happen,” I stared at him before swallowing roughly, “You made me feel like I was wanted, that I belonged somewhere, with someone,” I spoke as I stepped closer to him. It was only a little bit closer to him, not as much as I wanted. But he stepped closer to me, making it so we were the closest we had been all day, in one large step. "You remind me of home," I added in a whisper. Spencer smiled and cocked his head to his shoulder.

“You do belong somewhere,” he whispered, resting his hands on my shoulders. I looked up at him, feeling my heart pick up speed, and butterflies appear in my tummy. “And that somewhere is with me,” he brought at hand to my cheek, allowing his thumb to rest on my lower lip. I looked up at him before he pressed his lips to mine. 

I was honestly expecting him to say something else. I don’t know what. But I liked what he said, it made me feel really good. Like, I belonged with him, and nothing could change that.

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