#Also yes I did draw this out traditionally

[boilingrain]

Here's a meme with no context because I never talk about my OCs

[luminixx]

okay since tiktok people (love them all still) were still asking for this and nothing else here is the last last part which is also, traditionally, very unserious

DID I DRASTICALLY CHANGE THE STYLE AGAIN? Yes. Does anyone care? Hopefully not! I promise I will stay more consistent from now onnn (probably) since I've already figured some stuff out with the hazbinarting. I had some artsy experiments with this one, the neon thing was awesome to color

I want to draw some stuff with the sins next but generally feel free to send over any ideas or requests anything hh/hb ! :)) anything u want, it's a lot of fun

[gemapples]

im so sorry it took me so long to answer these oml but YES i'd be happy to show how i draw and color :)

— SKETCHING

please note that i almost always sketch traditionally first lol it's just a lot easier for me to determine how the drawing is placed that way, but i always go over and re-sketch it digitally

for magolor i always start with a basic egg shape (lmao) and then i add his ears. then I draw the scarf; it's easy to determine the shape and dynamicism based on where the bottoms of the ears are located

then i usually add the cape and hood together. where and how these are placed and what these look like in general are very important because they're the main area that perspective is directed to (the ears and everything else is important too ofc!! but the hood and cape usually help demonstrate where he is looking and how he is moving the most). then i add everything else, usually his hands last!

— LINEART

ohhhhhh god my worst enemy. Hope youre sitting down because this will be embarrassing LMAO

lineart is easily what i struggle with most and is more often than not the most time consuming and grating step for me. If i had a choice i would drop it in a heartbeat, but my style is so dependent on thick lines and shapes that it's difficult to 😭 a hole i dug myself into unfortunately ITS FINE THOUGH. ANYWAYS I'm getting sidetracked

i use my finger to draw all my digital art, which means i usually have to use a Heavy stabilizer to avoid shakiness and staggered lines. Unfortunately ibis paint's stabilizer is actually dog water and doesn't even stabilize more than half the time (in which case i have to repeat lines over. And over. And over again until i get it right) but when it does like me and works properly it's very helpful!

i always use the soft school pen bleed brush as my main tool for lineart. This brush has been my best friend for everything, i even use it for sketching idk it just really like the way it looks lol. sometimes i change the aspect if i want the lines to look more ,, chalky?? or smoother depending on the work

i don't really use this tool much but for this specific piece, force fade was my partner in crime

also i think i need to mention that i use so many layers for this. So many layers lol like to the point it's embarrassing. and at the end i merge most of them (except for the gear patterns, rings on his ear, and eyes + hands, which usually need to be by themselves as they're colored separately) Thank you for layers

and i end up with this!

— COLORING && SHADING

yippee yahoo the fun part !!! the part that i love the most

at this point, if i havent already, i always create a folder for convenience in organization because this is the part that i stress the most about what details are on which layers lmao

then i add ANOTHER layer below that for the color, then i put every single color used on their own separate layer!

now, for shading, if im working on larger pieces with more complex shading, i'll usually plan it all out. normally when just drawing magolor, i don't really need to do this anymore because i'm so used to it lol, but for funsies i did it here anyways

then i use the bucket tool to fill them all in

i usually have a set color palette for all the characters i draw (though the way i shade white differs. A lot between my work as you can probably tell fhdfgf). For every color, i have two specific tones that are associated with the shading. for example, indigo + violet are shaded with my blue, pink + light orange (or lighter pink depending on my mood lol) are shaded with yellow, etc.

so, i shade the other areas with the 2nd shading color

a big tip i can give for coloring is to look at a color wheel when you draw. i know that sounds like. Such basic advice LMAO but that seriously was a huge help for me when developing my shading and something i learned while studying — if you notice, in all of the shading in my work, all of the colors used are analogous on the color wheel. note that not ALL combinations will work together like others obv !! but it's a huge step in knowing where to go with it

then i add other extra details like extra lighting, halftones (if i feel like it // if it fits the work), glow to his eyes, and color the lines and ta-da!

another tool i use a lot especially with my more recent art are blending modes, especially multiply. i use a clipping layer to add a dark color (usually a dark blue or purple) and set it to multiply, then erase the areas that emit light

and this is the end result! this is a very very basic demonstration of it fhdjg i was a pretty messy with the lighting and erasing in this example but you get the general idea right

and that's how i draw :) i hope this was helpful, and thanks for asking and being so patient with the response!

[wuntrum]

do you have any tips for an artist who wants to start making one off comics? i really enjoy your artistic direction and style of story telling so i’m very interested in your thoughts on it

yes, definitely!!

-read lots of comics! and a variety of them, too--both ones in the sort of genre/style you'd like to make, but also ones in completely different genres, lengths, places of origin, traditionally/indie/digitally published, simple to experimental formatting, etc

-in relation to the last one, if a comic you read really speaks to you, take some time to study some page layouts from that comic! how do the panels vary from page to page? how much space is the text taking up? what sort of "shots" (to borrow from cinematic language lol) are they using? these shouldn't be fancy, just little thumbnails, but i find it really helps. here's a few i did from a guest in the house by emily carroll

-start smalllll. its really important to build up your stamina, just like with any new sort of skill. if you wanna make a graphic novel thats 200+ pages long, you should make some comics that are 1, 20, 50 pages long and see them through to the end before taking on a super big project.

-this is related to the last point, but i think keeping your cast of characters small at first can also help build up your comic stamina. signals was the first longer comic i made, so i specifically really wanted to focus on just jeanne (and occasionally her parents and peers when they showed up)

-character sheets are helpful, but i also think the easiest way to start getting your characters drawn consistently is through actually drawing the comic! there's also gonna be panels where they look "off" or whatever, and its literally fine, i promise

-through the smaller comics, experiment with how you go about writing your story! theres no right or wrong way to write/plan out a story so, it takes some trial and error to figure out what will work best with your work flow. for me, i've found success in making a timeline of events for the story -> loosely guessing how many pages i'll need/want per section of the story -> freewriting (trying not to edit too much, just dumping all the words out) -> thumbnailing/loose sketching/editing text (all sort of happens in the same step; i find i need the layouts in front of me to understand what i need/don't need from the text i wrote) -> tight sketching -> final . but, if that flow doesn't work for you, try something else! i know a lot of comics people find success in writing a script first, with indications of page and panel-by-panel breakdowns

-take shortcuts often and without guilt. its a lot of work to make a comic! theres just a lot of drawings involved, that most people aren't gonna look at for very long! i especially recommend for infrequent/difficult things, like buildings or crowds or cars or bookcases, using some sort of 3d asset/brush to make your life easier. if you can reuse a drawing and change the crop/expression, do it!

-use some sort of tracker to track your progress on how many pages you've sketched/inked/finished. even if you don't have an external deadline, i think it's still good to give yourself some sort of timeline to work on (i recommend setting "ideal" goals and "realistic" goals, especially if you're working/still in school/etc). for signals, i used google sheets, because you can set up columns to be attached to little circle charts, so as you check off your progress, you can really easily see how much you've done/how much you have left to do (as i type this i highkey forget how i did that before, with signals, so...you might need to do some sheets experimentation to actually do this lol. but there's probably other trackers you can use too)

-understanding comics and making comics by scott mccloud are both great books, highly recommend them (easy to get second hand/from your library/🏴‍☠️)

-lastly, haveee funnnnn

[differenteagletragedy]

heya! i loved your ol:ba headcannons, and i saw your post asking for requests, so i thought i'd sneak in here and ask for some more? have a wonderful day!

Sure, this is fun! And you too!

-- Baxter and Derek LOVE each other. Baxter would eat him up with a spoon. It doesn't matter if you end up with Derek and then reconnect with Baxter, if you end up with Baxter and introduce him to Derek, or end up with Cove and they meet at the wedding, this is the bromance we need to be talking about.

-- I thought about this because I was playing the wedding DLC last night and when you call Derek to ask him to be in the wedding party he answers "Hi, this is Derek," like yeah buddy, this isn’t 1999 on a landline, I know exactly who I'm calling. It was so cute and polite and formal, so I thought about Baxter's old texting style and how adorable it would be for them to communicate, then boom, they are best friends.

-- Baxter thinks Derek is the most charming person in the entire world, and he appreciates how well he was raised. He likes that he always opens doors and pulls out chairs. Derek does all the old-fashioned gentleman stuff too, like he always makes sure you walk on the inside of the sidewalk, if you're cold and he has at least one stitch of clothing on, you're getting it, and Baxter thinks that just so nice.

-- This isn't unique at all, but I like to think that you do all three Step 4s -- so regardless of romance, you go to your moms' anniversary with Cove, spend Father's Day with Derek, and meet up with Baxter at the wedding. So even if you end up with Derek, you make friends with Baxter again, and can you imagine planning a wedding with Derek when you and Baxter are solid buds? I love it so much.

-- One more one more -- Baxter and Derek making friends and Baxter going over to the Suarez house for events. Nicolas is OBSESSED with him, he's such a weirdo and plus Xavier likes him so that's an automatic win. But Derek's parents take Baxter in too, and now he's got a place to spend Father's Day and it just makes him feel so warm and cozy.

-- Is there another guy in this series LOL

-- There's at least a 90% chance that you cut Cove's hair for him. If you reeeeeally aren't comfortable with it then obviously he won't force it, but it just makes sense to him for you to trim it up for him when he needs it so he doesn't have to make it a whole thing. If you don't do a good job, that's ok with him -- you tried your best and he loves you for it!

-- Do you and Cove have a kid? Cove is that kid's doodle pad, and he gets at least one tattoo of a lil baby drawing your kid did. You might have to convince him not to do it every time. He loves that baby more than anything and the thought of having a little piece of them with him always, ugh, he really likes that.

-- Baxter loves cats and wants one very badly but he does that whole thing for a while where he doesn't feel like he deserves affection from any other living beings, so you'll have to talk him into it. But when you do, that cat is his child.

-- I'm not saying Baxter is in danger of turning into a crazy cat lady, but you might want to keep an eye on it.

-- "Baxter, did you spend $500 on this fancy robot litter box?" "Yes."

-- Baxter (I am currently on a Baxter kick, sorry) references magic several times throughout the story. Honestly I don't really know what else to day about this, but I think it's really sweet and important that he talks about it more than once.

-- Both Cove and Derek canonically like it when you wear their clothes, but Baxter likes to wear yours. It doesn't matter if you're smaller than him or if you wear traditionally feminine clothes, he wants in them. they smell like you and remind him of you, especially if you're long distance in the beginning after Jude and Scott's wedding. He's not going to like go out in them, but he'll wear your hoodie around the house for sure.

-- This also isn't like a hot take I don't think, but none of the boys ever change, ever. Like they grow and stuff, but if you're with Cove, he's going to be clingy and have heart eyes for you when you're 80, and there literally will not be a day that goes by for the rest of your entire life that he doesn't tell you that he loves you -- guy is going to be on his deathbed and blushing when you tell him how you feel about him. Likewise, Derek is going to be Derek forever -- always just so so excited to be with you. Hope you can handle literal decades of "it's Derek Day." Baxter does have a lot of settling to do, but please imagine a 90-year-old man smirking at you and giving you those flirty little lines. He'll never stop.

[suffarustuffaru]

Looking at your past art has me really loving your drag king Natsumi, do you have any more thoughts on them? I'd love to hear them. Also just your genderbend ideas in general. They are very interesting!

for future reference, here is where i drew some drag king natsumi + sapphic ottosuba :) i definitely plan on making more genderbend au content in the future thats for sure! :o i have another older art post on this here also (i am. too lazy to find it rn but its there somewhere!!) but i have some in depth thoughts about fembaru for sure yes :3 ty for finding my genderbend ideas interesting!! :D !! id be happy to talk about them more :o

im gonna start with outward design stuff / gender presentation first!! :D bc in my head, afab subaru probably looks almost exactly the same. in general, canon subaru’s most likely at least a little androgynous (and i think he probably is judging off of how much he passes as the opposite sex!!), and we know hes got his dad’s spiky black hair and his mom’s mean eyes and general facial shape, has a long torso, that sort of thing, so i think afab subaru would look similar :o

plus i like to treat fembaru as basically just the mirror/foil/inverse of canon amab subaru anyway, so yep natsumi schwartz is gonna be her male persona!! canon amab subaru was mistaken as a girl when he was a child, and he also went to high school (iirc it was high school but at the very least he was about the same age he is during arc 1) for three days as natsumi yes and passed for three days. iirc he would put on the girl’s uniform and wig and stuff on the way to school and out of his parents’ view and then put on the male uniform and take off the wig before he got home!! plus you know he’d generally practice makeup most likely and wig styling and all sorts of things in private.

so definitely afab subaru is doing similar stuff but in the opposite direction now—looking more masc and presenting as a boy. while amab subaru can put on and take off a wig, in my head, afab subaru would probably have to have shorter hair. so one day she just got a haircut thats short enough to where she could style it masculinely but longer enough to where it could still be kinda considered feminine enough!!

im not 100% sure how to draw her hair yet but in my earlier post and a few of my sketches it kinda looks like either a long mullet/wolfcut or a messy bob :3 i think you could probably say that her hair looks more like a wacky bob when shes more feminine and a wolfcut when shes styling it more masculinely?

(^^ my take on fem wrathbaru is here also LMAO)

i also base my fembaru design off of canon natsumi!! with the side bang (though i sometimes draw it on the wrong side akdnd)!! meanwhile fembaru’s male natsumi would have canon amab subaru’s hair :) (which you can see in my earlier post as well!!)

(i like this illustration actually <3)

i also like to hc that on top of subaru wanting to look and act more like his dad in canon, he did also kinda want to resemble his mom when hes presenting more femininely :o also for genderbend aus it depends on whether you ONLY want to genderbend subaru or if you wanna genderbend everyone along with subaru too, that sort of thing. i like to play with both possibilities :o

but in general, i like the idea of subaru either way trying to honor both her mom and dad. maybe to subaru her mom is what an ideal woman should be perhaps, and her dad is the ideal man, bc subarus parents are her biggest role models, so she tries to emulate both at different points in her life. she tries to be the perfect soft sweet girl like her mom and it doesnt work. she leans into being a bit of a delinquent and it doesnt work. then she cuts her hair and learns to present more masculinely and tries to copy her dad only to fail again. :((( then she gets isekaied……

i feel like afab subaru might get a bit more shit for getting into trouble too :(( or for being too loud. shes not very traditionally ladylike, i think!! boys will be boys and of course your daughter takes after you, kenichi, but dont you think shes a little too rough around the edges now?

anyway otherwise in general, i also like the idea that over the course of each arc in the fantasy world, subaru grows her hair out!! and once its long enough she can put it into a ponytail like her mom again :,)))

(male rem is here too <3)

also i like to give fembaru the maid dress instead of the butler outfit!!! probably not with the garter and stuff but 😭😭 its a pretty dress and fembaru should get to express herself both masculinely and femininely :3 in my head, i think subaru would be shy bc AGHH THIS DRESS IS SO REVEALING THERES NO WAY ID LOOK GOOD IN THIS IM NOT PRETTY AT ALL and rem and ram (genderbent or not) are probably like nonsense just try the dress. its your uniform to work here. and subaru does and huhhhh. maybe i dont look half bad ? :,) (bc of course subaru’s insecurities either present themselves the same or slightly different when genderbended). and of course when rem and ram warm up to subaru eventually ram can be like “you dont look as bad as i thought youd look” or something and rem can be like “subaru-kun youre very beautiful anyways!!!! <3”

and also i do think subaru would cut her hair a bit again or style it different for natsumi adventures later in arc 7 <3 just to have that symmetry again. the situation probably might go a little different but yep this is how id handle it 👍

and of course you can give subaru the canon natsumi hair bow sometimes when shes feeling fancy :3

OKAY and now im gonna talk about more character stuff!! lets talk about subarus whole thing with isekai and genre savviness and all that.

one of canon subaru’s many many Many parts making him up as a character and making up his story in general is a deconstruction of the isekai genre!! power fantasy and characters being cardboard cutouts for the male mc to triumph without a struggle—that sort of thing. but afab subaru is a female lead now, and female isekai is different.

id have to do way more research into this and watch more female isekai and shoujo and stuff (ive been Really wanting to watch im in love with the villainess…… someday i will…..). buuut from what ive noticed so far it seems like for male lead isekai the fantasy here is the Power and Prestige, but female lead isekai’s fantasy seems to be the Romance!! not that you cant have OP abilities in female lead isekais and not that every isekai is 100% the same of course. but that seems to be the common tropes from what ive seen so far? male isekai protags have girls throwing themselves at him as trophies, female lead isekais have their male romantic interests and the evil evil villainesses are defeated somehow and perfectly out of the way <3 the fantasy is that youll be loved by The One—the perfect boy(s) <3

and i think amab subaru is less likely to check out much female lead isekai but i think itd be fun if afab subaru would probably focus on female lead isekai but also a bit on male lead isekai as well!! she wants that absolute path to glory AND love. (and ahahhahahaha please ignore the gazillion ikemen anime figurines in her room hahahahahhahhahahahah AND DEFINITELY IGNORE THE SILVER HAIRED ONES. ESPECIALLY THE ONLY GIRL FIGURINE SHE HAS THATS BEEN GATHERING DUST UNDER HER BED—)

but also bc i think amab subarus more likely to go nah i wont look at girly media while maybe afab subarus like godddddddd i want instant OP abilitiessssssssssss and godddddddd i want hot girls around m—WHAT. WHAT. WHO SAID THAT WHO SAID THAT—

anyway so subaru gets isekaied and shes like SWEEETTT A NEW BEGINNING AWAY FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO MEET EXPECTATIONS HAHAHAHAHA IM THE ISEKAI PROTAG!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!! (is about to get her shit rocked). and shes like ooooh do i have any abilities (nope) and oooohhhhhh shit do i have a villainess. AM I THE VILLAINESS???? no way right. anyway lol wheres the ikemen who’ll ill marry one day. the ikemen that falls in love….. with a commoner……… like myself teehee… and they get married…… and the villainess is CONQUERED….

anyway so what im saying is. ………….fembaru is a femcel. AND a pick me. AND a disaster bisexual. you could practically imagine a vine boom after each of those.

i think the biggest most important to me with genderbend aus is keeping the humanity of the characters the same the best i can!! and fembaru is STILL subaru, of course shes fucking cringe!! of course shes got a heart of gold but its under layers of cringe!!! of course shes a nerd who doesnt have any friends at first and trips and stumbles through all the shit being thrown her way!!

also if male subaru is bi then so is fem subaru okay. we’re equal opportunity here. and also amab subaru has issues with his masculinity and uhhhh slight things with women (see: his boob comments in season 1…….. subaru i love you but cmon man). so. afab subaru i think has got a terrible case of internalized misogyny / homophobia / PROBABLY SOME COMPHET TOO LMFAO 😭😭

i think general plot beats (whether its only genderbending subaru or genderbending everyone) goes mostly the same but again, slight differences. im gonna go with only subaru being genderbent atm bc thatd have more differences i think :o

yes ok so subaru’s gonna see reinhard and go GASPPP oh my god. pretty ikemen. ohhhhhh oughhhhh hes so pretty. hes clearly main lead material… ohhhh what do i do ive never talked to people in so long and hes so PRETTY FUUUCKKKKK BUT I DONT WANNA BOTHER HIM EITHER AND PUT HIM IN DANGER. um um um um mmumimimm HE CLOSED THE DISTANCE BETWEEN US TOO???? what the hell what the fuck what the fuck shit shit um think THINK SUBARU THINK YOU HAVE CHARM RIGHT?? YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU CAN CHARM A HOT GUY. ARGGHHH— *explodes*

but also subaru sees emilia and gets that “do i wanna be her or be with her” feeling 😭😭 bc emilias so….. cute…. pretty… and NICE TOO?? WITH A FUN PERSONALITY??? SHIT SHES GOT EVERYTHING!! she went out of her way to save me 🥺🥺 and im just dragging her down 😔😔 BUT FUCKKKK I HATEEEE HOW GOOD SHE IS. and then :,)))) theyre both dying in the warehouse… and the first time subaru feels the touch of another girl in a more intimate light is her and emilia holding hands as they die…………….

SO YEAH THEN SUBARU RBDS :,,)))) so like. do you get what im saying. emisuba and remsuba and satella are subaru’s first sapphic heartbreaks and heartaches. muahahaha!!!! insert more evil laughter here!!!! bc since subarus a girl her relationships with emisuba and remsuba are definitely gonna be perceived (both by other people and rem emilia subaru) more so as friendships first and foremost.

so….. subarus getting the codependent homoerotic teenage friendship bright and early HAH. but i cannot blame her!! i too would go insane if i was put in a new unfamiliar world and i met this cute girl i was both jealous of and a little into and then we both died and the last thing i felt was searing pain and her soft fingertips!!! i too would go insane if i thought this maid was my friend but then she tortured me and—and—

but yeah you know how amab subaru has his whole weird complex bromances with reinhard and julius and otto?? now itll be like that but with emilia (the julius and reinhard…) and rem (the otto….). emilias the girl subaru’s having “do i wanna be her or be with her” weird rivalry shit with (subaru’s internalized misogyny probably also adding to this bc Obviously theyre rivals) and rem’s the girl who brutally betrays subaru personally (worlds worst homoerotic teenage friendship breakup of all time 😭😭) but then she later becomes subaru’s loyal best friend???? crazy shit.

and like emilia and rem are totaaally villainesses in subaru’s way (except emilias sweet af and misjudged by the entire world and subaru doesnt have the heart to fight rem and also shes chugging copium and trying not to think about failed loops. or about her gay feelings). toxic yuri is toxic yuri-ing. subaru doesnt wanna be explicit about it….. emilia isnt sure of her feelings other than stuff like caring a lot abt subaru… and rem is. Rem. so theyre all in gay situationship limbo HAH.

also as an afab person too rip subaru for also having periods while the whole world is ending on repeat 😭😭 LMFAOO. im sure theres medieval fantasy remedies though (and rem is 1000% spoiling subaru on her period)

also no one can tell me that echidna and rem WOULDNT still be into subaru as much as they are in canon. subaru regardless of gender fascinates echidna and her greed. subaru regardless of gender is someone rem will grow very very attached to. and if anything, rem would get way more bold with afab subaru.

bc the thing with female relationships is that i feel like theres a higher level of intimacy that you gotta go to for it to be considered more romantic or homoerotic. with guys it could be like holding hands and other people might be like WOAH THATS GAY, but if girls do the same thing its like aww youre such good friends. i think rem would take advantage of her and subaru being the same sex and she’d probably keep trying like “hey um um wanna cuddle together?? in the same bed?? and bathe together teehee?? i can help do your hair and dress you up? and make lots of cute dresses for you ? :) <3 🥰 and i can even massage your bo—I MEAN YOUR BACK. YOUR BACK!!” or it’ll be like. rem gets a little too happy that her and subaru’s periods get synced up or something 😭😭 shes Not Normal (and unfortunately subarus probably a little too into that)

also unfortunately the other time a girl touched subaru intimately was satella squeezing her heart :(((( and hahahah between that and rem and emilia and later echidna…. ohhhh poor subaru and her terrible toxic yuri 😭😭 her sapphic experiences and experiences with women have not been 1000% great.

but also of course subaru is so very not normal. you have the canon typical “lol every memory is a good one <3 even rem torturing me teehee <33” and also i just think itd be funny if you as an audience is lead to believe subarus jealous of emilia and rem’s boob sizes and no. no shes just gay. shes GAY.

and stuff like everything going on with julius and otto gets recharacterized too. bc subarus a girl and the guys are guys its probably gonna get perceived more both in and out of universe in a more. Quite Literally Straightforward light. esp bc subaru’s still gonna be into reinhard and julius lbr HAH.

i want arc 3 to still be an absolute fucking disaster with fembaru. let fembaru be flawed and ugly!!!! so in my au thoughts here itd be like. subaru feels jealous and threatened by lots of people. emilia, though its subsided a bit after becoming friends and after learning a bit more abt emilia as a person. but also i think subaru could feel so so jealous of the royal candidates!! esp crusch priscilla anastasia even though subaru will 1000% think theyre bitches at first during arc 3. bc theyre such strong determined women who seem way more confident than subaru herself is…. and also im sure there’ll be complex thoughts from her on felix too bc crossdressing… gender presentation… is a complex thing for subaru.

and subaru with julius is like. “get away from emilia!!!! shes mine!!! shes MY best friend that im homoerotically codependent on and obsessive of!!!! and also youre just trying to steal reinhard’s ikemen male lead spot huh!!!!! bastard!!!! (i hate that youre so pretty too)” and everything of course blows up in subaru’s face. im sure at some point in the story subaru might get slutshamed for having all these connections to people and romantic threads (especially since shes afab) but also its like. wow shes such a stupid girl lol causing a racket.

and uh being a man beating up a girl looks a little worse due to gender roles and stuff but lot of the knights are still gonna want to go after subaru and julius is still gonna want to save subaru. :,,)))) arc 3 emisuba breakup….. worlds worst sapphic breakup of all time…. and later rem will be the one that got away also :(((((

but yeah i think in general this subaru’s connections would be a little more. subtexty with the girls bc she’d be more hesitant to be explicit. but a bit more explicit with the guys bc itll be easily perceived as romantic in and out of universe. and of course subaru i think will be flustered in different ways between the girls vs guys—with the girls its OHH GOD I CANT BE GAY I CANT BE GAY NOOOOO I HAVE A RIVALRY!!! IM SO JEALOUS OF THEM!! BUT. BUT I LIKE THEM!! OHH GOD. with the guys its OH NO. GOOD LOOKING GUYS???? FML. FML!!!!! WHERES MY MAIN CHARACTER CHARM??? HOW DO I TALK TO GUYS???? JULIUS STOP MAKING FUNNOF ME!!! >:(((

also brief note on otto bc things are probably gonna go different here qkdnd. like i definitely am of course of the opinion that otto fell in love with subaru. in every damn arc in every damn main route otto side content hes getting unhinged over subaru in a way that i think makes a little less sense if you dont view it as otto just Not Being Normal About Subaru in a perhaps vaguely homoerotic way.

but subarus afab now!! and ottos still a guy!!! and reinhard and julius are friendly with subaru right, but at around arc 4 things they dont show explicit romantic interest. (i think arc 5-6+ julisuba and juliemisuba would be 👀👀👀 though.) but otto?? in a universe where subaru is a girl??? well now its more acceptable for him to be grow openly head over heels for subaru. but also its probably also more pathetic bc now its probably gonna be more obviously taken as otto having a crush on subaru.

and subarus had her arc 3 development right. but here its like. you wanted a male character who’d fall in love with you and be loyal to you and do Anything for you???? here you go!!! but also given otto is Like That and gets worse by arc 7-8 i think hes gonna seem a bit more sinister. not that canon otto with canon subaru isnt sinister but theres different connotations to male otto paired with female subaru. bc it sort of follows straight dark romance rules, right, with the cunning possessive male love interest and the female protagonist…

i doubt anything explicit would go on between otto and subaru in an au like this bc 1. otto and his avoidant attachment LMFAO and 2. subaru and her issues also and 3. subaru in main route is Not as into otto to the same extent or degree otto is HAH.

and fembarus probably like. i think itd be funny if she was a little disappointed otto wasnt a girl 😭😭😭 but then later hes weird about crossdressing and shes like why dont you wanna do it huh 👁👁👁👁 why are you weird about it 👁👁👁👁 im staring at your glass closet right now—

and also its like. “WHY ARE YOU THE FIRST BOY TO ACTUALLY BE IN LOVE WITH ME WHAT???” which i think is hilarious but i also think it could be fascinating in terms of playing with gender!! bc otto may want to be in control of things, but hes also so subservient to subaru anyway. otto and subaru are both androgynous; otto can pass as a girl and subaru can pass as a boy. if you wanna simplify things further you could also explain this as—otto is a man who looks like a woman who’s pledged his servitude to a woman who looks like a man. very intriguing imo!!

but of course ottosuba power dynamics are Always shifting over and over like a game of tug of war, but the most common thing is that otto will bow his head to subaru but under the surface ottos trying to be in charge. that sort of thing!! and the idea of male otto servicing female subaru is an idea rezero ao3 seems to like also but :,) lets just say its not fully to my taste haha :,,))

and otto is definitely not gonna beat up subaru’s ass so easily this time around bc itd look so bad and he’d know that lmfao 😭😭

but i think theres a lot of potential to play around with gender roles and such with all of these dynamics!! im very passionate about making my genderbend au ideas as wild and layered as possible :o !!

this is all my main ideas atm (and id love to draw stuff like more drag king natsumi or fem reinsuba :) ) but yes i hope this all makes sense :D !! thanks for reading this far and thanks for the ask!!

[erikwiese]

SPONGEBOB SEASON 9, "KENNY THE CAT"

My TV animation career pretty much started with the SpongeBob pilot, so now and again, I like to stop by Bikini Bottom to see what’s going on. On one of those visits, about ten years ago, I storyboarded an episode called Kenny The Cat, written by my pals Zeus Cervas and Casey Alexander and produced by Paul Tibbit and Vince Waller. Guest voice by Biz Markie (RIP).

After a few inquires on Twitter, I figured I’d upload it for anyone who wants to check it out. Keep in mind that it’s an old-school storyboard that’s transitioning to digital. The panel BGs are a desaturated yellow because we used to draw on Post-It notes and I found it comforting.  

You’ll see on the boards some animation and timing notes, which is a little unusual—that’s usually done during charactor layout—but because I started out as an animator I can’t help myself. Does this sometimes alienate people? Oh yes. 

Although this particular episode was my first digital storyboard, I drew it traditionally: three panels to a page as we had always done on paper. It had only been a few years since Storyboard Pro came out but I didn’t have the time to learn it and also meet my deadline. Fortunately, the show hadn’t changed over to STBpro yet either, so I did the whole thing in Alias Sketchbook Pro. I really liked how simple and easy the application was to use, and I still use it a lot today. 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ENTIRE BOARD.

[trickstyrss]

Thanks to Twitter, I'm going to rant here about "art tips"

God fucking damn do I hate the cycle that the internet goes through in the art community. I know art advice comes from people thinking they are helping, but they're really not. Like years ago when they said not to use pure black or white in art. Like sure, in some instances and styles, a pure black or white can look bad or jarring, but this doesn't work with all styles. Recently, I saw a spin on this saying not to use purple when shading art because apparently it's cheating and unrealistic? So? Who the fuck cares? Does it look good? Yes? Then shut the fuck up I'll use whatever color I damn please to shade my art.

What I saw on Twitter that has me riled up was a post saying that working exclusively in digital art is harmful and prevents you from improving. That you have to draw traditionally to learn.

Uh... no?

DIGITIAL ART IS A MEDIUM, you cannot say it is worse or harmful by comparing it to a completely different medium. That is like comparing charcoal to paint. 'Oh with charcoal you can't experiment with colors so clearly it's harmful and you should use paint instead' <- sarcasm btw, Suck my fucking dick the argument is void the moment you say one medium is better or worse than another. That's not how it fucking works!

Can drawing in just ball point pen teach you discipline and not rely on an eraser or undo tool? Sure! But you could also just, you know, not use the undo tool or simply not pick up an eraser? Does digital art allow you to just toss away bad sketches and forget about them? Yes, but did you know you can also just throw out the piece of fucking paper you drew on and achieve the same thing?

To grow in art you have to want to grow, it's not tied to any one medium. Those who don't grow are not allowing themselves to grow and that's on them, not on the fact that they decided to draw on an iPad rather than Bristol board.

TLDR: STOP POLICING ART AND LET PEOPLE DO WHAT THEY WANT.

[bosskie]

Practicing Molluck

Last night, I had an urge to draw Molluck with traditional art supplies since I have felt like drawing some traditional art for some days. This is basically a sketch practice thing again. I felt like drawing him from an 'unusual' perspective for practice reasons.

Last time I drew a pencil portrait of Molluck like this was about 2½ years ago:

I'm kinda just getting tired of drawing with a computer mouse and I feel like I enjoy doing traditional art the most, even I have done it rarely during the recent years. The main reason why I haven't done more traditional art is my self-hatred since I have felt like I'm just gonna waste those art supplies for drawing/painting some trash.

Man, I got so many art supplies to try out and it would be nice to have a challenge where I draw the same thing with different art supplies; I did such a thing in high school with five different supplies for the art course. Oh, and I really wanna do a Molluck statue to myself, like a lil golden bust, like the one on his blimp!

This is just such a nice little detail we can barely even see. I mean, I would love to take a much closer look at that bust!

But yeah, my point was that after all, I feel like I don't enjoy doing digital art so much. I used to like drawing with the mouse and that's the main reason why I have kept drawing with it but over the time I have just seen better and better how it restricts me and that's why I feel like I do draw better traditionally than digitally even I have drawn mainly digital stuff for a decade. Maybe one day I try out some proper digital art supplies but I don't know if it's truly my thing. I just feel like I can also draw more precisely when I do traditional stuff.

But yes, both medias have their own pros and cons but I do enjoy doing traditional art more. Man, sometimes I think about painting a huge portrait about Molluck... I bet that Molluck would love it too! I just kinda love it that Gluks love their own faces so much. And I also just would find it fun to paint a portrait and frame it like it was something that Molluck would have hanging on his wall. I just agree with him that he is such a beautiful Gluk and I just cannot get enough of him...

I have started yet another digital practice thing but not sure if I finish it, or I more like might redo it. It's quite a WIP to me but I can show an edited one:

I guess that you can get it why I chose those colours (It's the logo!). I know that some spots don't look right but it feels like it would be easier to draw this traditionally, so this is what I mean with redoing this. I also haven't used reference to this one like to the those pencil sketches since I kinda wanted to practice building 'a mental 3D model' of Molluck. Yeah, practicing drawing Molluck over and over again feels like precising my mental image of him. Drawing him both without and with a reference is a part of that.

Oh, and I remember loving drawing on a black paper with colour pencils, so I would like to draw something like this traditionally. I'm still not stopping digital stuff and I got some digital WIPs to finish but I would just like to focus more on traditional art. Just screw this self-hatred; I'm gonna use those art supplies!

I do hope that this 'art year' is gonna be better than the previous one. I really need to draw more to improve and get these ideas out of my head... Yeah, even I have been drawing mainly Molluck for 2½ years, I feel like I still have a lot to learn about drawing him.

[idoodlestuffsometimes]

Brother's Keeper AU:

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: How did Caleb live so long? How can he still be here after 400 years?

A: Belos wanted him to stick around and so he made it happen. As for specifics: *shrugs* your guess is as good as mine! This is something I've preferred to leave up to the readers. I will simply confirm that he isn't hiding any goop powers or OP palisman-given magical abilities. He is, for all intents and purposes, a regular human who is somehow really, really old.

Q: If Caleb is still alive, where did Hunter come from?

A: The full story here hasn't been told yet, but you may notice Caleb is missing quite a few bones...

Q: Caleb's ears are pointed! Did Belos cut them??

A: Correct

Q: Does Caleb know about the Collector/the basilisks/Belos' plans?

A: Probably! He's been Belos' sounding board for 400 years. Access to things that could "further corrupt him" or provide him a tool for escape, however, are off limits, so there are many things, like the Collector, that he's heard about but never seen for himself.

Q: Where's Flapjack/Amity/Darius/etc?

A: This is basically a canon divergence. If you haven't seen a particular character, it's safe to assume for now that they're up to whatever they were doing in canon.

Q: I don't get it. Why is Caleb insane?

A: I suggest you reread the first few story posts, my friend! You have fallen for Belos' lies.

Q: Do you have a posting schedule? When will the next part come out?

A: There is no posting schedule. I draw (mostly but not always) traditionally in my free time, for the fun of telling a cool story, and some posts are longer than others. That means the timing of the next post depends on how long it is, how much time I have, and whether or not I'm at home with access to my scanner. Sometimes this means I post quickly. Sometimes it means you'll see me next month. Sorry about that.

Just know that if I know there's going to be an extended wait, especially one where I'm not actively working on the next drawing, I will make an announcement about it. If you haven't seen an update in a while but I also haven't said anything, it's almost definitely because I'm actively chipping away at a part of the story that's taking me longer.

Q: Why do some of the story posts have a letter after the number? Are these less important than the regular story posts? Can I skip them?

A: No, I Do Not Recommend skipping them! They are just as important as the others. They have a letter on the end because they were added later and I use letters as a way to avoid renumbering everything. If you see story posts labeled something like "3, 3A, 4", they are meant to be read the same as you would if they were "3, 4, 5".

Q: Can I make art/fic/cosplay of this au?

A: Knock yourself out! If you post it somewhere, please include credit, but otherwise I don't mind, and actually love seeing what you do with it! If it's NSFW though, please keep it in appropriate spaces with proper warnings.

Q: Wait there's fic/fanart?? Can I see?

A: If you look through the tag on my blog "BK fridge gallery" you can browse any content shared with me that I've reblogged. :) People are free not to share it with me too though, and there are some I don't reblog, especially if its gorey or suggestive, so you might be able to find a bit more elsewhere under the Brother's Keeper AU name if you look for it.

You may also notice I have a featured tag called "BK Soundtrack." That's for songs that people have suggested to go with the AU. You are welcome to browse or suggest songs of your own ;)

Q: :( I sent an ask but you didn't answer. Did you get it?

A: Probably, yes. Sometimes it takes me a few days to get to it. However, if it was theorizing about future plot points, I may actually be holding onto it with plans to answer at a more appropriate time. I like to keep many of my plans for the story close to the chest, so don't be surprised if your theory ask disappears only to show up many months later when the story has progressed to a point where I can give you a more in depth answer.

[2aceofspades]

Hi, I'm the anon who asked if you were okay with all of this chaos. I have many things to say!

First off, your many thank yous made me very very (two verys) happy. So thank YOU.

Second, you absolutely deserve all of the attention you're getting. You're seriously an incredible artist, and I love the fact that a lot of your art is on paper. I especially love how Donnie looks in your style (which is funny, because I remember you saying that you DIDN'T like it). Ahem. Getting off track a bit there. Anyways. You're an incredible artist, and all of the attention is well earned, AND it's okay to feel overwhelmed. I hope you know that we don't expect you to answer everything right away. You're popular, and lots of people are asking you to do things. You can choose to not do something, and you SHOULD. Do what inspires you, and we'll love it!

Third, and hopefully finally. I play with character AIs a lot, just to kind of see how characters would react to certain things. I AM an author, and I can imagine these things myself, but I like seeing it from external sources more. It almost seems more believable. When a human comes up with it, it just feels more raw and expressive. Or something. I have no clue what I'm saying; hopefully it's not too muddled. Then, when someone DRAWS it. It's a thousand times better. I just love it so much!

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love how we can give you prompts and questions, and you'll go somewhere amazing with it. I loved the thing with Leo, Donnie, and the coffee. My thanks goes out to you and the asker. It's a huge gift to us when you respond. Literally, it's like a present, I love it.

So, just to clarify because I'm paranoid and words don't really work sometimes, are you okay with super random prompt-asks? Like earlier I saw a post where so-and-so asked so-and-so what the turtles night-time routines would be. Stuff like that?

Thank you so much for everything you do for us! You're amazing, and we all appreciate you.

OH.MI.GOSH??!!!?!

Wah-

Thank you so much!!! Gah- I hope I can articulate an even somewhat intelligent response to literally ALL of this. Okay!

|

First off, I see what you did there and I frickin’ loved it ohmigosh best response ever!! 🙌✨

Secondly, I really really appreciate all your kind words. You seriously had me smiling the whole way through oh stars you’re too kind 🥹 Also, I’m very glad there are some of y’all out there that like the way I draw Donnie…especially traditionally, cuz I won’t lie…I get a bit over-critical of how I draw him hehe. Glossing over that teehee~ But seriously, I also really appreciate your respect of my time cuz I feel much less pressured and more seen as just a lil human doing art things, so thank you! 🌟

And lastly, I totally understand ya and I couldn’t agree more. It’s honestly better when I see other artists capture emotions cuz I just eat that up aaughh yes!! Ahem..I just hope that I can capture at least some emotional accuracy in my art, especially considering how dialogue is not my strong suit by a long shot hehe…

Awwwee! Thank you so much!! It was really fun sketching a silly lil moment like that, so I couldn’t be more grateful for the idea that inspired me 🤗

And finally, that’s where it gets complicated cuz…it’s honestly just complicated for me and my lil gremlin brain. I really do enjoy answering lil prompts and putting my own spin on them, but I can’t make it like…an official thing…? If that makes any sense. Like, I think I’ve seen a few artists on Tumblr put out a post for prompt asks, but that idea, for me, makes me very nervous. I naturally try not to think too much while I draw, I just feel my emotions, really. I dunno…maybe that’s a lame excuse gah..- but, as it stands, for now, I’m ~okay~ with answering the occasional prompt ask, but I won’t be making a post about it or anything. I’m just a little um..paranoid..?..after the whole spontaneous sticker war thing heh…

One last big thank you to you, anon 🙌🙌 I seriously appreciate it so much 💙✨

[that-gay-guy-from-hell]

Been seeing a lot of dmc5se art (I'm too much of an anxious coward to tag them, sorry) lately and, some times, they draw Dante (and others) in the style of MLP. So, I thought it would be fun to draw as well! It's been an EXTREMELY long time since I've drawn MLP styled stuff (or drawn traditionally for that matter) so it's a bit rough (and stiff) but *shrugs* it was fun.

Forgive the poor picture quality, my phone's focus doesn't work right-- it's a feisty bitch and I hate it lmfao Also my handwriting is horrible, sorry lmao (Rambling about this idea below because I have been suffering brain rot over this)

Putting in my two cents on the idea, I think that Sparda (and his descendants) would have a white coat and blank flank (which is covered by their coats).

Sparda would obviously be a demon pony. I think that his "human" or in this case "pony" form would be of an earth pony with a hint of batpony. He'd want to blend in the best he can. He's too bulky to pass as a pegasus and would have an odd shaped horn if he tried to pass as a unicorn. The hint of batpony is because of his ears and eyes. Even with this however, he can still use magic and fly--which looks strange to say the least, an earth pony that's able to do other races things... Freaky.

Eva would be a unicorn, curved ribbed horn, hoof tufts, fluffy ears, and a "classic" type tail. (Not much else to say)

Vergil and Dante would both me earth ponies. However, they each would have devil/demon horns--that are the same as their Devil Trigger. Despite not having a unicorn horn, however, they can use magic. (which adds to the "wtf" factor the whole Sparda family has).

Dante would have a set of two (four in total) (pictured above) horns that curve downwards; which he trims/grinds down then covers the remaining stumps with his mane. Before you ask: yes, this hurts. He's grinding down something that has blood and tissue in it (like most animal horns do) but he's stubborn. The youngest twin inherited his father's body type (or well, fake body's type): a thicker more stocky build. The one major thing from Eva he has is fluffy ears. His tail he keeps trimmed close to his flank because it's a disadvantage in a fight (and a pain to take care of).

PRE NELO ANGELO: Vergil has a fully grown set of horns (two in total) that curve upwards and are more developed/tougher than Dante's--since he doesn't trim them. Oppisite his twin, Vergil inherited Eva's body type: long "traditional" unicorn tail, hoof tufts, slimmer build. The one thing he did not inherit from her is the ear fluff, having his father's batpony structure instead. POST NELO ANGELO: Vergil's horns are snapped in half. Unable to grow them back, he keeps them nearly sanded to a smooth edge. His tail is gone, only have a scar where it did attach before. His hoof fluff takes some time to grow back. V: Skinny earth pony that's white with black faded stocking marks. His front hooves have fluff and he has no tail. His ears are normal. V has his tattoos all over his body except his flank. URIZEN: Didn't want to exclude him but there's not much to say. He'd look like a rooted version of post Nelo Angelo Vergil. Maybe he'd look closer to a changeling? Not sure. His design is something that I would have to play with and try out before deciding.

Trish looks almost the exact same as Eva, however, the major difference is her horn has no ribs. It's a smooth curved horn.

Lady would be a hypogriff (Arkam would be a griffon). Again, not much to say.

Nero would be an earth pony with very little different (otherwise it would've been overly obvious that he wasn't normal). His back hooves have tufts and he has a longer--but not extremely long--base for his tail. His ears are fluffier, but not too much (and not bat texture). His devil bringer would be akin to a griffon's front claws; talons and whatnot. POST "Awakening" (learning to Trigger): Nero does have small horns that curve around his ears; just like his DT's (almost like a ram). He also gains the ability to use "magic" and levitate/hover/glide despite not having a horn or wings.

Sorry that was a lot... But it seriously has been just stuck in my head. Might doodle more of this at some point, might not; I don't know yet. This was really odd and strangely comforting to go back to. Most of my art pre-2020 was MLP styled (even though I had lost interest in the show WAY before that. Just got used to drawing it and was, not to pat myself on the ass, pretty good at it... but I never shared like 99% of it.)

okay I'll shut up now lol

MASTER LIST FOR TUMBLR

[diezmil10000]

hi 👋 you can call me diez or chisi

i am from spain and i like to draw lesbians. this is my main blog, if you're only here for my art and not for my reblogs you can follow my art-only blog!!

(FAQ under the cut)

what software and brushes do you use?

i work on ibisPaint X and Krita on a Samsung Galaxy Tab S6 Lite. i use a lot of different brushes for lineart but mostly these ones:

are your commissions open?

i will never do commissions, but thank you for your interest.

will you someday sell your art through an online shop / convention?

no, but feel free to print my stuff in good quality paper if you want to hang it on your wall.

how can i financially support you?

i have no need for that right now. please give your money to other artists or organizations.

can i repost your art / use it for edits?

i don't encourage it, but i don't mind. asking for permission and linking back to any of my social media would be appreciated too ♡ just don't use it for commercial purposes (sell merch, use as streaming layouts, etc)

how do you do X part of your drawing?

i recommend checking my speedpaints if you're curious, the name of the videos is the day i finished that drawing in YYMMDD format (as in, year-month-day). i also made a tag for my art thoughts, but if you still have a question feel free to send me an ask and i'll try my best to explain it!!

where did you learn anatomy?

i used to watch a lot of proko and sycra videos (on youtube), and also do gesture/figure drawings from photo references and k-pop dance practice videos.

when / why did you start drawing?

i started taking it seriously when i was 15. seeing lesbian fanart was what caused my gay awakening and i felt like there wasn't enough of it, so i decided to get better.

do you do traditional art?

i kind of dislike it, actually. i have filled over 1000 A4 sheets and 7 sketchbooks over the years, but it's all quick doodles to practise or warm up. when i bought a tablet i could carry around i stopped drawing traditionally as often, but i still find myself drawing in my sketchbook from time to time when i want to sketch midlessly or get better at something.

do you draw nsfw art?

very rarely, but i only show it to my friends. i do consume a lot of nsfw content tho, just not in public 👍

how do you keep yourself motivated?

a combination of drawing only what i like and a strong desire of seeing more lesbian art. that's why i mostly make fanart and almost never participate in art trades or make art gifts. i also don't want to make a career out of drawing.

have you gone to art school?

i'm currently doing a degree in graphic design at college, but it has almost no correlation with the kind of art i share online. before that i never studied art academically.

are you seriously a furry?

yes.

are you seriously a communist?

i will always stand by the workers of the world and oppose capitalism on its fundamentals. you can call me a communist, socialist, leftist– i don't mind, having a defined label isn't important for me.

are you an anti or a pro shipper?

i am neither, i don't care about this.

are you aware that you follow someone who did something problematic?

i mostly follow other artists, so if i've been following someone problematic for a long time it probably isn't that deep for me to unfollow them.

do you have any ocs?

plenty! but i don't like to talk about them in public

can i be your friend / talk regularly with you?

i don't like to talk to strangers, but if i'm following you feel free to interact with me at any time~

what's the name of your cat?

yonyon ! she's a female cat but i treat her by any and all gendered terms

why have you disabled your DMs, story replies and sometimes comments?

because i dislike interacting with fandoms, especially big ones. i draw for myself and for the lesbians with niche interests, so i don't want to read weird comments, block overly friendly DMs or watch strangers have a public debate about my moral standards. i'm very thankful towards all of you who love my art tho, even if i can't read all of your positive thoughts!! also, there are plenty of ways to contact me, they're just not in plain sight 💋

[violetvelourr]

How long I have been doing art

People occasionally ask me how long I’ve been drawing and that question gets me utterly confused 😅 um, probably since I remember myself?.. 😅

First of all, big reveal. I’m old. Much older than you probably ever guessed. Because I’ve been doing digital art since 2003, and I was not exactly a toddler at that point, he-he. Don’t ask me my age though – I’m still a lady and I consider it impolite 🤭 but that might actually answer the questions of many teenagers why I don’t particularly interact much 🙈

So anyways, now we have settled my “art career” span. But saying “I began doing digital art in 2003” – well… I don’t want to do that, because people will be like, “whoa, 20 years”?! And will freak out at such a prospect – 20 years to get to my level, which is, frankly speaking, far from professional. Not to mention that before digital art I also drew traditionally quite a bit.

But the main reason is because “doing digital art since 2003” does not equal “for 20 years”.

How about we revisit these years and look closer at my digital art journey? I can’t promise that I will recall everything 100% accurately, but I’ll do my best.

So around 2003-2004 I tried drawing in Photoshop for the first time. It was an image of a lion, and to be honest, to this day I’m hella proud of myself.

Yes, first attempt. Yes, I drew with a freaking mouse!

My second piece from the same year span is the “Dancer”. oh yes, the remakable hepatitis skin tone 🙈

To be honest, I don’t recall having a drawing tablet that long ago, I'm quite sure I got it only in 2008, but looking at it, despite its flaws, I can hardly believe I drew that using a mouse… I’m not sure, it’s a mystery. The Lion was definitely a mouse artwork.

From thereon I abandoned digital art for a while due to studying, then work, and finally online RPGs…

In 2008 I posted my first digital WIP after a 5 year break.

Oh my gosh... Remind me to never try realism again, clearly not my thing 🙈

I think I was trying to draw an avatar for myself, which doesn’t exactly justify drawing a woman aged probably around 40 🙈 I was not that old!! As far as I can see from my journal, that artwork crashed and only this snippet of it was what I had left. I think it’s for the good. I ended up commissioning the avatar from a proper artist, ha-ha…

Over the span of 2 months I posted 5 more digital art pieces, none of them ever completed actually 🙈 And yes, behold how ugly they are...

My ambitions were growing faster than my skills were improving. The piece with the couple with that naked girl is my special pain because I even attended a digital art course by an amazing artist I was really looking up to back then – Anry – to try and finish this piece, but I failed miserably. I was the only person in that course (5 day 12hr/day intense course) out of 15 people who came “just for fun” – the rest were pursuing a professional digital illustrator career.

This is what I left off with after that course.

In this collage you see on the left what I came with, the middle – what the teacher did after I explained my concept, and on the right – my attempt to take the piece to its final form. But I could never accept that the base was made for me and not by me...

It still grips my heart when I look at it because it was one of my greatest fails. I think that to die peacefully, I need to finish this artwork 😆 If anyone is curious about the story behind this artwork, I’ll post it separately.

Anyway, as I said, I didn’t reach my goal, was hugely disappointed in myself and dropped digital art in April 2008.

However, I came back 1.5 years later, in November 2009, when I got into anime 😂

I think that’s also when I first tried Paint Tool SAI. Up until March 2012, I uploaded roughly 20+/- digital artworks/WIPs. The quality was a bit inconsistent, but I was beginning to get the hang of it a bit, finally. Here are some of them (yeah, the span of the mood is extraordinary):

So, in 2.5 years – merely 20 artworks. Just to compare, in 2022 alone I made 75+ artworks, which doesn’t even include animations and stuff I considered to not be proper artworks.

So, my last artwork from that period was in March 2012 (the one with the winged dude blocking the way for the girl), after which I abandoned digital art again, for good this time. I actually thought - forever, to be honest.

I’m not sure what happened then. I guess I just lost my motivation, got over my fictional crushes, was depressed and not happy with myself…

Problem is that in reality, I don’t have any imagination at all. Part of the reason why I always suspected that despite being quite decent in drawing, I would never succeed as an artist, so I could only say that my dream was to draw for Disney. But I knew I never would. And I knew I can’t do original art. Fan arts – yes, subject to being highly inspired, a feeling similar to a crush. I was too dependent on the mood. But even so… my artworks never were particularly fancy or original, I admit it.

Part of the reason why I’m also so sensitive about AI now. I see people actually living my dream, and I'm so happy for them. Working as illustrators, having an income from what they create... And that is being stolen from them now. That’s why I will probably never accept AI.

Ugh, turned off the subject…

Anyway, as I said, I abandoned art in 2012 and only picked it back up in October 2021 because of Kakashi. 😆

If my math is correct, that’s a 9.5 year break. I have been going non-stop since October 2021, so I would say that my ongoing artistic journey lasts for almost 2 years now. The previous 2-year period with 20 artworks – I’m not really sure about the value of that. The previous 7 digital artworks – even more so.

If I had to sum up my entire digital art journey, – I would say it is around 5–6 years, but in reality probably won’t add up even to 3 years, because the 3 years adding up from a bit of 2003, a bit of 2008 and bits of 2009-2012 had me produce only around 30 artworks, a majority of which were never even completed.

My main progress happened between 2021 and now, so in the last 2 years. And to be honest, I understand that if I am to continue - this is only the beginning...

[asassydork]

Chapter 1: The Night’s Embrace

Story: Shadows of the Forgotten

Word Count: 7.9k

Song: I Won’t Lie by Go Radio/11 Minutes by Halsey & Yungblud

Summary: In a rundown motel room, we meet Thessarae and Halloran, a recently transient couple moving motel to motel across the country looking for a sense of home that they both lost. The main reason for this journey stems from a lack of a home to go back to and the idea that they can take their relationship to the next level: becoming parents, which for this couple is a lot more complicated than it looks.

TW: NSFW, 18+, Smut, MDNI, new species of monster smut, (not edited yet and yes I did rewrite it a lot)

4 AM. Somewhere north of Seattle. Sunny Side Pines. Motel and Hideaway.

The night has been cast in an atmosphere of gloom from the heaviness of the rain that rolled in just after dinner time. The town already covered in days’ worth of rain and partial flooding now held a symphony of bigger, louder droplets. It’s the kind of rain that soaks through the bone, a reminder of where you are in the world. Just outside of Seattle.

Sunny Side Pines was a rather unusual place. It wasn’t the kind of place that drew just anybody to it. That was part of its hidden charm, the idea that it was exclusive. Perhaps, in its own ways, it was exclusive. But none of us are here to tell anyone how to run their private business. Sunny Side prides itself on its appeal. Cheap rooms for cheap stays with little amenities and a seclusion that was almost private despite the highway. It was a multi building facility, each one carrying a color and a theme. Red, Green, Blue and Purple. There’s a reason for these colors and their odd themes. These were just any transients wandering through this part of town. Most were at least part time residents who’ve called this place home for however long. It’s a part of a hidden network all around the country of businesses that cater to certain characters. Although, that always seems to draw trouble to the rooms only a few doors down. You grow used to it the more you see it. After all, as long as nobody’s getting hurt, we’re all just looking for the same thing.

Each building is painted with their color palette. The purple complex was different hues of lavender, yellow and deep purple. The theme for this building was the moon, so every door seemed to have a phase of the moon painted around the peep hole on top of the deep purple they’d gone for. It was outdated and neglected so a lot of the paint was chipped or missing, adding an eeriness to the phases of the moon. Every room comes with a sliding window and a cheap plastic table and chairs out front of it. It was very uniform in an unmistakable aesthetic. The exterior walls were lavender with certain features like the stairs painted in stark shades of yellow to make them stand out. It was a very forward facing business, half of the purple building facing the highway and viewing the neglected airport fields beyond. The sounds of jets and helicopters sounded at all hours. It mingled with the sounds of the highway, especially during rush hour and it was nearly deafening. You can’t expect anyone to be able to hear themselves think for those few short hours.

The curbs were also once painted to match the facade but they’re long chipped from use and neglect, most areas bare where people walk the most. Each room also has an air conditioner cut into the wall. Adding to the cheap uniformity. It’s here where the doors are painted deep purple with their moon phases as a stark contrast that we’ve been surviving the last few days. The exterior of the building is far more neglected than the inside but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t less than $100 a night for a reason.

The walls are thicker than traditionally expected. The mattresses are remotely newer than everything else in the room but it’s very much still trapped in the past. The floors are clearly concrete covered in thin cheap geometric carpeting that offers no comfort against the concrete. The color appears to be a dark green but some of that could just be from how dirty and old it must be. Stains litter the floor to further prove it hasn’t been deep cleaned since it was installed. The dressers combine with a desk and the odd layout is meant to represent an entertainment center but by the looks of it, they never ungraded from tube TVs so when they had to remove them, they didn’t upgrade the rooms. There were squared marks on the surface from where the TV sat for half a lifetime. The room is pretty empty. The only other furniture is the bed and a small lopsided table that wobbles when you touch it and mismatched chairs likely taken from other arrangements over the years. There are two lamps mounted on the walls next to the bed reminiscent of the 1980s like most other things in the dilapidated motel. Only one of them works and it’s the one nearest the bathroom. They added a cheap standing lamp in the corner behind the table to add some light to the room but it’s also lopsided and broken looking.

The bed is a traditional queen that underwent deep inspections before we agreed to stay. The frame is nothing more than wood under the carpet. A cheapskate’s way out of having to clean the room properly. It’s more modern but that was out of necessity than nicety. There’s no luxury here. We’re just glad that the mattress is covered in a protective wrap to keep it from becoming stained. The sheets are freshly cleaned and passed the tests we conducted to prove that. But the thin worn fabric of the bedspread they gave us was just another reminder that we weren’t anywhere near home yet. There was nothing to keep you warm, so we’ve adopted our own traditions about life on the road which involves our own good pillows and a bedspread that’s actually comfortable and warm.

There’s a radiator under the small window behind the table that rattles loudly when you turn it on. It also fills the room with dust and adds to the smell of smoke like something fell in there and burns every time it’s on. Added with the overall mildew and old smoke smells that contribute to the yellowing green wallpaper, we’ve had to leave the window cracked open with our own bar behind it to keep anybody from reaching inside. Safety in places like this is hard to come by so we’ve adopted a creative approach to a lot of the issues.

The bathroom is a hideous combination of sea blue tiles and mint green bath fixtures. It’s an eyesore to say the least. The sink has a constant drip, the toilet is extremely loud when it flushes, and the bathtub is surprisingly the cleanest surface in the whole room. They really put the extra effort into that amenity, even though there’s no shower curtain and water sprays everywhere when you get a shower. There’s also no rugs on the floor so we’re left standing on towels and dirty clothes to keep from accidentally killing ourselves on the slick surface. It’s the strangest setup I’ve ever seen but we agreed not to complain very much and just adapt to the circumstances while we’re here. It’s not like it’s permanent.

Our personal touch comes in the form of the bags atop the odd entertainment center, the jackets hanging on the backs of the chairs, the charcoal bedspread with its plush king-size comforter that drapes excess over the edges of the queen mattress, the tiny vase of fresh wildflowers on the table, the sticky notes on the bathroom mirror, the plushies sitting throughout the room, and the sheet over the window to act as a curtain over the blinds that don’t work properly. It’s an attempt to keep more of the light out.

The soft pitter patter of the rain spraying against the dirty window should’ve lulled me back to sleep hours ago. The kaleidoscope effect of the intermixed lights danced across the ceiling and the dark wall that housed the bathroom, offering a small show as cars zipped by down the highway and the vacancy sign continued to flash. Hours ticked by relentlessly as I laid in bed, awaiting Hal’s return. The meeting didn’t start until some time after midnight but it was already past 4 AM. I couldn’t help the weight of my thoughts as I went over every reason they’d find to keep us from remaining in this territory for very long. His determination to find us a civil place to live was pushing the limits of what normal people would like to provide. It’s not like we came with valuable references to ensure there won’t be future conflicts. Those kinds of things are hard to come by if they exist at all.

Hal’s a man of sophistication, despite our reasoning for living by unconventional means. Meaning, there’s a rhythm to his gait that comes from his expensive steel toed boots that I would most certainly hear from anywhere. It tickled my ear as he randomly sounded his approach, knowing I’d be listening for him. He otherwise has a silent footing about him, a languid predator. So, I didn’t catch the sound of his boots until he was already more than halfway across the parking lot, likely realizing I was awaiting his return hours ago. The rhythm of his gait across the asphalt was a small comfort. He’d really only done it so I wouldn’t be totally surprised when he opened the door. I am easily jump scared by things that really shouldn’t bother someone of my standing. But it gets me anyway.

I wondered if the long meeting was supposed to mean something or if the assholes kept him waiting the whole time. They like pressing his buttons and expecting him to remain calm. It’s sort of the reason he goes alone because he’s more collected than I am. It’s a skill of his, looking casual under pressure. He pulls it off better when I’m not there to either distract him or get in the way. I feel like I do both simultaneously all the time and I don’t even mean to.

His shadow blocks the play of lights when he’s close to the door, likely expecting me to be asleep with the way he slowly put the key in the lock and unlatched it hesitantly. He then carefully opened the door not to let too much light pour in. It was right after he closed the door behind him that he fixed the sheet over the blinds to block more of the lights on the ceiling, which just made the room darker. He was soaking wet, you could hear the sound of the water rushing off of his duck canvas jacket that he set on the back of the chair by the door. The coat created its own pitter patter of droplets that rolled onto the flat surface of the seat in an uneven rhythm. He slowly unlaced his boots and pulled them off, very meticulously about keeping them in good shape. After all, what’s a man without his affinity for expensive footwear? These boots in particular are a good friend in rain like this because they’re waterproof. He’ll likely treat them later when they’re dry to get any scuff marks off from the amount of walking he just did in them. I never really understood his need to care for his shoes so much but I stayed out of it.

He didn’t want to dredge mud and water through the small space, so he shucked his wet socks and pants over there while he was at it. It didn’t surprise me in the slightest when he decided to get a quick shower to both warm up and clean off the rain. He’s never liked the sensation of sky water on his skin. Boys can be weird sometimes.

He shook his hair out like a dog halfway to the bathroom and I tried not to snicker under my breath knowing he’d hear me and stop what he was doing. I didn’t want to get in the middle of it because he’d just get me all wet and drag me into the shower with him. So, I waited until he was in the shower to fluff his pillow and fold back the blankets on his side so it would be easier for him to slide in next to me.

I ran my legs on his side of the bed to see if the friction would give it some warmth because the bed was rather cold in its neglect. Thankfully, though, his shower wasn’t more than a few short minutes because he was exhausted. By the way he walked out of the shower with a towel around his waist and then over his head to dry his wild hair, I realized the meeting didn’t go well, like most of them haven’t. It was an impossible favor to ask people who clearly don’t get what we’re asking or why we’re asking it. But it’s been his objective without me, so I can’t do much more than listen to his interpretation of what their problems are. Most of them, it comes off as a disloyal untrustworthy bunch of nobody’s who couldn’t protect themselves, let alone new neighbors. He has too much faith in people and I keep trying to explain to him that it doesn’t work that way. But I let him be optimistic because it’s far from what I am. I don’t like being the one crushing his thunder and sunlight. I want good things to happen but I’m just used to this being the turnout.

“Couldn’t sleep?” He asks in a whisper as he leans over the bed to kiss my forehead.

“You know I don’t like sleeping without you,” I whisper back as he moves towards the door to check the locks. He’s very big on double checking our safety measures, which means he always checked the window before letting himself climb into bed with me. He tossed the towel in the pile across the room.

“You were tired when I left,” he whispers, climbing into bed lazily, moving towards me knowingly.

“Tired and sleeping are different things,” I chuckled, kissing his nose lightly. “I thought you’d be back by now, anyway.” I brush my fingers through his long dark, warm but wet hair and lightly scratch the soft spot behind his right ear.

He playfully nips at my palm and then my fingers for the gesture. “I did too.” He sighs noticeably and kind of obnoxiously for dramatic effect, “Just beating around another bush.”

“Huh,” I say, curious then for the state of his fingers because his choice of words was a little funny.

I could smell the blood on his fingers and realized that was part of the reason for his shower. He had to get the scent of his fight off his skin so I wouldn’t find it offensive and ask a thousand questions.

I kissed his bloodied knuckles and felt the softness of bruises there. Nothing was broken on either hand but he used them both equally. I wasn’t surprised a fist fight broke out. These people are the bad kinds of people they warn you about in school to stay away from. They’re all the same no matter where in the country you run into them. We were just lucky they cling together and aren’t usually out here on the streets causing trouble. It doesn’t mean I trust the process.

“You know, I prefer these in pristine shape,” I complain, holding both of his hands by the fronts of his fingers. I brush my cheek against both sets of knuckles.

“Stop being weird,” he complains, pulling his hands from my hold. “I was defending myself this time. I have a right to that.” He was lying but I didn't get into it. Tonight wasn’t the night. If he wanted to tell me some crazy story, I just let him. He’d eventually give me the whole truth because that’s how this works.

“Just be careful,” I whisper, kissing him on the lips lightly, lingering for a sip of him. “I need you in one piece.”

“I know,” he whispers back, brushing his nose along my cheek before nuzzling his head against my neck.

It was in the dim glow of the fluorescent lights that I noticed something else, a bruise on his back. It wasn’t a casual ‘I got punched’ bruise. It was a reminder of battle. It made me act like I was about to fornicate with him to pin him down with my hips and turn on the dimly lit lamp over his side of the bed. I growled softly in frustration as I realized he had a similar mark on his front as if to show exactly where he was slammed into. I carefully stood up over him, revealing all of him by pushing back the blankets.

“Really?” I didn’t mean to sound so angry but I was definitely frustrated. “You’re surprisingly in one piece…” I clicked my tongue against my cheek and nodded my head at myself before hopping down off the bed because I needed a minute to think. I almost thought about putting a hole in the wall just to make him pay for it. But that was such a waste of money that we didn’t have time to throw around right now

“Calm down,” he complains, sitting up but not moving towards me. “I’m surprisingly in one piece,” he echoes as if that was supposed to be a good thing.

“How many?” I ask, crossing to him, knowing I won’t be able to calm down without the numbers.

“In the fight? Only four,” he says, knowing that’s not the number I was looking for. He sighs dramatically, complaint in the sound. “Thirty-something. Not a lot.”

“Thirty-something is not a lot to you?” I shake my head, wanting to smack him across the face but don’t. “Did you really have to do it here? Right here? This place?” I touch the thin wall for emphasis, still thinking about punching it. “What about the plan? Huh? What about the mountains?” I grabbed him by the hair threateningly without hurting him. “What about my say in this?”

He just grabs my belly protectively like changing the subject was easier than bringing me down from this frustration I felt. “We can still go to the mountains. We still have a plan.” He nipped at my jaw apologetically but I was still really mad at him. “You wouldn’t be so upset if the timing wasn’t nearly perfect,” he chuckles, brushing his nose against my throat to sniff me audibly.

“Stop trying to distract me,” I complained, “You promised me we’d do this one at a time. Our way. You swore you wouldn’t get in over your head.” I pushed his head to the side almost playfully but still mad.

“Plans change,” he complains, nipping at my neck, “We adapt. You’re the one always talking about doing things differently for a better result.” He pulls me to sit on his lap which just made me wanna smack him.

“Yeah, adapting to the plan is taking two or three at a time. Not thirty something. You know I like my peace and quiet.” I leaned my forehead against his as I settled.

“There’s no peace and quiet here, T,” he chuckles, brushing his nose against my cheek, “But that’s going to change soon enough.”

“Ha-ha,” I mock, “As if I’m going to move into a dead man’s house.”

“As if I don’t have class,” he grumbles, “I’m not stupid. I know better than to move you into another man’s house. I also know better than to trust a new build.” He kisses my throat lightly.

“Why’d you take so long to come back?” I ask, deciding we were having a serious conversation right now. I grabbed him by the face with clawed fingers because he was trying to distract me. “I’m serious, Hal. What took so long?”

He makes a face at me before reaching over to turn the dim light out. “It was supposed to be an unfair fight. So, they got what was coming for them. I didn’t think it would end the way it did.” He nuzzles my neck again, still waiting for forgiveness and for me to calm down. “It was an ambush. There was never a meeting.” He sounded almost sad but the fight wasn’t entirely unfair when it came to this monster. My monster was a special kind of demon.

I kiss him deeply to get him to stop begging. I hate when he gets all caught up in pleasing me that he can’t think for himself. It also made me pull his hair tauntingly as I moaned into his mouth.

“I’m taking it that you knew there’d be an ambush? And you took your time coming back because you knew I’d be mad? And you expected me to be asleep and not ask any questions.” I don’t know why I kept asking him questions. It was a little pointless.

“I expected you to be asleep because your cycle was only a few days off. Turns out it was coming early again.” He took a long deep inhale of my scent and brushed his fingers up under my baggy shirt over the soft spots over my hips. It was relaxing in the way he wanted it to be. “I’m tired of running and not being able to ‘run’,” he rested his head against my cheek, “You need it just as much as I do. I know we said we’d keep looking but I’m so fucking tired, T. We need to stop for a while. If it doesn’t work out and you can’t settle, we’ll move on without them. I know I fucked up but it’s not entirely my fault.” He drew his fingers up my back slowly and pulled my shirt off smoothly. “I promise, if this doesn’t work out in a couple months, we’ll go back on the road. We’ll figure something out. It’s just me and you, T.” He kissed me affectionately, still pleading with me for my cooperation.

“They’re not allowed to come knocking. They have an issue, they call first. I don’t make day calls. And I charge extra if I gotta leave the house.” I lightly brush my finger over the soft spot behind his left ear again. “I don’t want any babies near me. I don’t want kids playing knock-knock-zoom-zoom. We won’t have a doorbell. I want all of my privacy back, including dinners with just the two of us. I want the most comfortable bed you’ve ever laid on that supports both our backs. I want a nice deep bathtub for both of us to sit in. A weekly cleaning service to help battle all of the duties of running a home that neither one of us knows enough about. And I want a census report on these people right down to the way they drink their coffees. If you’re going to throw me in the deep end, I need work ups to catch me up to speed.” I pull some of his curls to sit straight against his cheeks. “Our kid, if there ever is one, doesn’t get to play with these kids until they're vetted. Every last one of them better be up to date on their shots. I can’t risk getting sick again.” I playfully bite his cheek as he dramatically lays down like it’s too much information.

“All you’ve done was state the obvious in a different context. I know the no people rule.” He smacks my ass before pulling on my underwear playfully. “No people at the house. No people in your way. Nobody looks at you. No wolves around the house. The whole 47 yards.” He starts pulling on my underwear more forcefully as I move to let him remove them. “You’ll get your meals alone, your nice bed and deep bathtub. We already established those had to be met.” He plays with my toes as he pulls the fabric off my one leg. Then he played with the toes on my other foot as he freed me. “We’ll go running tomorrow. You investigate and report back what you think.” He brushed his hands up my thighs suggestively. “And we’ll nap out in a field somewhere where nobody can find us.” He drew claws over my upper thighs as he traced circles on my legs with his sharp thumbs. “You love a good midday sunbath and nap,” he chuckles, tracing his fingers over my belly in the same suggestive and protective way.

“As long as you can guarantee I won’t wake up with sunburn,” I grumble, leaning down to kiss him with a chuckle. “And I will have a full report, don’t you worry.” I lean my hands on the bed on either side of his head as I rub myself against him.

“Good,” he grumbles distractedly, retracting his claws as I slowly move to take him.

He moans lightly as I ease onto him, a few centimeters at a time because he’s a perfect fit. He rubs right on every nerve as I bring him deeper inside, stretched out like I’m still a virgin which is miserable for the first few strokes. But once I get him to that peaceful place where my insides twitch and swallow him, I slide straight home, our bodies knocking against each other as we both moan at the rush that comes with it. The kind of rush that makes my skin all warm and sensitive. It also brings us both a small laughter. I brush my nose against his before kissing him lightly as I move against him, curling my feet under his legs to keep the position just right. He kisses me back with a lot of saliva like he can’t help but convey his attraction. It’s also here where his hands find my hips as he urges me on, almost like a cheerleader. I don’t normally let him lay there like this but he’s all bruised up and I like taking charge.

We don’t talk as I ride him with one hand on his belly and one elbow next to his head. There’s no reason to interrupt the interaction with words but I could tell by the way he was sipping at my lips and looking at me that he had more to say. He was probably going to ask me what my other requirements were and how big I expect this random house to be by the time we’re done mostly destroying it. But a day in the sun with him, during my cycle, able to run freely, was like a drug of its own. I move against him forcefully, careful not to throw too much of my weight at him as he continues to lay there and play with my body. Instinctually, I wanted nothing more than to bounce on him like a damn trampoline but I felt that would be a little rude.

He startled me a little bit when he sat up and scooted off of the bed more, tucking his hands under my legs to better spread them as he moved against me forcefully as I moved against him. I knew exactly what he was looking for with this odd thrusting of his and couldn’t help but carefully pull off of him and lower myself back down backwards, handing control back to him knowing we’d both get better leverage this way. The noises that almost instantaneously trickled out of me were louder than I meant for them to be. It made him latch a hand over my mouth with a chuckle as his other arm curled around my belly to keep us violently slamming against each other like we were damn youthful rabbits. I nipped and sucked at his hand while he drew his teeth across the soft spot at the back of my neck, giving me everything I needed to cum knowing that I wouldn’t in a traditional sense. He growled into the back of my head as I braced myself against his knees, wanting more the way the hormones in my body demand at a time like this. He growled again before biting the back of my neck rather hard, pulling at the skin to try to convince my body to stop punishing him and finish what it set out to do. That was about when the wave of pleasure rushed over me, that warning that I was going to cum that made me cry out into his hand. He bounced against me harder, knowing better than to pin me down until he had to. I could feel it as he rubbed every nerve. The sloshing wet sounds of our bodies against each other was a mild distraction from the pulse that slowly grew between my legs. It wasn’t the throb of need but rather a different kind of pulse. It was a slow contraction full of fluttering as my body gave him little warning as he kept moving against me. He bit hard on the back of my neck when he slowed down from bouncing me off of him to slowly mildly fucking me like it hurt. And it does, but not until there’s no room left between us. By then, he’s balls deep with a tight hold on my belly and legs to keep me still. The feel of my body playing with him inside of was like cumming and having an after show. He relaxed and spread his legs out as I sighed and fell back into him. His hand slowly moved away from my mouth to stroke my throat down the middle of my torso like he was petting me. He started playing with my clit just to be cruel, reminding me how good it feels even when it hurts to have him stuck here for this process.

“That’s a good girl,” he mocks, making me smack his thigh hard enough to probably leave a bruise.

“You know I hate that,” I complain, resting my head back on his shoulder and twitching a little bit at the overstimulation of his hand between my legs strumming away like it’s nobody’s business.

“You are a good girl,” he mutters mockingly like he’s talking to a dog before nipping at the side of my neck and moving his hand back over my belly. “My good girl.” He drew his teeth across my neck tauntingly and couldn’t help but briefly agree with him.

“Well,” I mutter, turning my head to kiss his cheek lightly, “It seems for as much of a good girl as you deem me to be, you’re my prisoner.” I moved a little bit for emphasis of what that means with him trapped inside me. “My asshole.” I pat his cheek lightly to mock him.

“I am your asshole,” he chuckles, nuzzling his nose against my neck as he carefully sits back into the bed. “I’m also more than that as your mate.” He cupped my breasts for whatever reason like he suddenly remembered they were there when they’ve been flopping around between us this entire time. They bring that skin to skin smacking noise with them and I’m still pretty sure I could knock him out with them if I swung around close enough to his face.

“What? Are you going to play masseuse?” I chuckle, curling my legs around his like two snakes and laying back against him as he starts kneading them firmly because he knows I only like him touching me when it’s rough enough.

“Masseuse, domestic housewife, feral rabbit catcher,” he chuckles, kissing my ear hard, “Do you need me to wear a skirt the next time I’m near a vacuum?”

“That’s not funny,” I say, cutting right through the humor because for some reason that offended me.

“You’re so uptight,” he complains, poking my belly hard before going right back to massaging my heavy breasts. “I think I’m going to have to run around the house in a fancy puffy tutu skirt until you get over it.” He dipped one of his hands down to my clit again, strumming away just to torture me. I moan and twitch, trying not to move so much knowing it’ll hurt both of us. But he was doing this on purpose. “You made it sound like I said you had to wear the skirt,” he growls in my ear in warning, getting me all worked up that I can barely take it. “I might share my clothes with you but the skirt is mine.” He laughs hard as I moan again and strain against him, finding it hard to think. “Yeah, you’re gonna sleep like a damn baby,” he chuckles, “There might not be a tomorrow for you.” He bit down on my neck just as my insides tightened against him in warning that it was still going to be a while. The process is never easy for whatever biological reason. He kissed the new mark and drew his hand from my clit over where our bodies were connected to tease both of us and to the scar on the inside of my thigh that he’d given me that’s similar to a wedding ring without a fraction of the money. It’s just a mark any dumb fucker can find when they got barking up the wrong tree. This is very much his tree and I’m lucky to have him. The mark on my neck joins a whole bunch of others. It’s a show that my man takes good care of me but it’s also another reason to wear hoodies in public. They’re all mostly at the back and base on my neck, brought on by this exact exchange, the sacred knot. He moved his hands back to my belly when I strained against him a little bit from the cramping that started. It prompted him to slowly move us so I could lay on my stomach and he could lay over me and play with my hair as if that was much of a distraction. The cramping was similar to period cramps in the ungodly way it rolled right through me. It was the response of my cervix dilating, a slow process followed by cramping that I’m pretty sure he can feel and that I find rather humiliating. I just wish it didn’t have to be a shared experience. He draws lines across my back like playing with me would distract me from the pain that kept bubbling in my belly from all of the change happening.

“It’s worse?” He asks, finding that I’ve started squeezing his legs with mine.

I don’t unbury my face from the sheets as I nod my head. I didn’t like suggesting that things were worse but they were definitely worse this time. He started rubbing my back and massaging above my hips where the source of the pain seemed to sit. Ten minutes rolled by and normally, my body would’ve done what it needed to do and released him so we could go to bed. But fifteen minutes rolled around and I was still cramping. It led to him having to carefully untangle my legs from his so he could situate us in bed on our sides, so he wasn’t crushing me. I was uncomfortable and humiliated because I didn’t really want him stuck to me like this. Meanwhile, it didn’t even seem to phase him as he stroked my belly and alternated playing with my breasts. I savored all of his tender loving care because I needed it and it just made me feel like we’d never have another single interaction like this again.

“You know,” he says after a while, curling his leg over my hip in a playful manner, “It felt too easy before. Maybe this was what we were waiting for.” He kisses the side of my head and strokes my hair. “You’ve always just been different. Stop thinking so much about it.” He chuckled as he nibbled on my ear playfully to lighten the mood.

“This just feels like something isn’t right,” I whisper, tracing the bones in his arm.

“Then we’ll deal with it. But I heard that some couples get locked together for hours. It hasn’t been that long.” He leaves a wet kiss on my cheek with a suction sound with it.

“So… this whole time you were just expecting us to stay like this for days?” I shake my head with a chuckle. “I could not imagine such a thing. I’d be through with you already if I had to deal with that.”

“Then we’re lucky,” he chuckles, pulling my hand to his mouth so he could kiss my knuckles. “Just remember it could always be worse.”

He was right but he was also ridiculous. I pulled his hand back with mine and curled his arm back around me because I liked the way he held me like nothing bad could ever possibly happen to us. He nuzzled his head against mine and it was almost like we fell asleep into a light nap. No more worrying. No more waiting. Just cuddling while we ignored our current situation.

I don’t know how much time passed but it was a lot of time and the sun had started coming up when the next steps started unraveling slowly. The contractions that kept him in place were now slow moving waves against him to finish off what we started, milking him inside of me and loosening enough he could move around a little bit. It was still too tight for him to leave because my body demanded payment for all of the work it put in to get us here. Payment was in the form of visiting the sperm bank and demanding everything he could possibly have in there.

He almost jumped up like it startled him and I groaned at all of the movement as he moved back on top of me. He chuckled at me as he slowly moved against me like he was lazy fucking me and I was half asleep. I guess in its way it was similar to that. He started playing with my clit again because he would’ve gotten me off numerous times already if I’d been able to let him go. He was a generous lover and I was very lucky for his pride and attention, taking everything he had to give. I moan and adjust my knees to give him better access even though he didn’t need it. He just moved inside of me as my insides moved around him, squeezing and coaxing a proper release out of him that didn’t take very much. He waited long enough to get it out that I couldn’t help but sympathize with him. He moaned, grunted and groaned behind, rather loudly as he came violently. The hot jets of fresh sperm spilled out of him and went right to their new home deep within me, without interruption. There’s no cervical wall in their way, just a sacred entrance waiting for it to pass through.

Upon this release, my body slowly started letting him go, as if this unconscious purely biological transaction was happening. He couldn’t help the second stream, a typical expectation between us. It comes with the territory, knowing that fertilization is a complicated process. It’s never been more than two, so I started trying to ease away from him, only to be met with claws and snarling. It made me want to elbow him in the face for being so belligerent with me. But as he slammed himself against me, snarling viciously, his hand knotting in my hair with claws against my scalp, he came again. It was just as hot and strong as the others, searing right through me almost painfully. He was worn out by then, done putting up a fight as he stopped moving against me and retracted his hand from my hair. I could tell he didn’t mean it by the way he was afraid to touch me. But I’m his good little girl and it takes more than pulling my hair to make me afraid of him. I just had to wait for him to have enough room to find his way out and wait for him to relax because if anything, I think it freaked him out. I laid still on the bed and waited for him to join me but he didn’t. He just loomed over me like he’d done something horribly wrong. I could smell his fear. It was sour and foul because he’s not a predator that scares easily.

“I’m okay,” I grumble, rolling onto my back lazily to look at him.

His face was partially distorted because he couldn’t calm himself down. The animal was just as upset as the person. Fear driving both of them to look like a deer in headlights.

“Hey,” I complain, sitting up to grab his hands and pull him to me, “I’m okay. I promise I’m okay.” I stood up to cup his grumbly face. Under different contexts, I would’ve found this amusing. “Tell me what you need.” I pull his face down to brush my nose against his.

He huffs a breath at me before brushing his nose against mine, mirroring my nuzzling and resting his forehead against mine. “You’re gonna kill me,” he breathes, his voice a soft whisper.

“Yeah, well, I promise not to make it that easy,” I chuckled, kissing him gently at first and then deepening it as he kissed me back. “There’s a lot worse I wish to do to you before you drop dead on me.” I chuckled only because he was hiding his amusement.

I fell back into the kiss and brushed my fingers through his hair to keep him content. He softened under my hands and I hummed in acknowledgement of it. It just made him pick me up carefully because my legs burned from being stuck in that weird position for what had to be well over an hour. He remained kissing me as he carried me into the bathroom and drew a hot bath. That was exactly what we needed, despite the dingy atmosphere of the motel. In the dark, we could pretend the bathroom was nicer. That much was certain.

He sat me on the toilet and I couldn’t help but have to go, feeling like I needed to pee for hours. It was not like me but I really didn’t feel like reading into it. I just went, cleaned myself up, washed my hands and danced around him as he relieved his bladder of the same backup. I normally would’ve kissed his back but decided not to, letting him do his business and climbing into the hot tub with a near moan as relaxation washed over me. This was indeed everything I needed. He kissed my head as he climbed in behind me, the two of us not really fitting but imagining we did. He pulled me back against him and turned the water off with his foot because he’s just a ridiculous man under all of that brood. I settled comfortably against his chest and tried to ignore the way his hands stroked my belly. Everything we knew about each other, about what all of this was, changed. But he didn’t get to run away, so I wasn’t going to either. It was a little funny to me thinking he’d run away when we both know I’m the runner. I just relaxed into him more as he leaned his head against mine.

“You’re what I need,” he whispers, kissing the side of my head lightly, “I need you, even if it kills me.”

“Good, ‘cause I need you,” I grumble, entangling our fingers over my belly. “I promise I’m not going to kill you, even if you pull my hair.”

He bit my cheek playfully. “Brat.”

I just shrug and pull water over my chest slowly. He leans forward carefully to grab the eczema soap we share to start washing me like I wasn’t capable of doing it myself. It was his most relaxed behavior, calming whatever he was still fighting by taking care of me in this very simple way. I let him wash every inch of me he wants to from my ears to my toes and back up. The feel of his warm skin against mine in this way was also relaxing for me. I wasn’t like this before him. I honestly don’t like being touched so imagining someone running their hands over me like this. It comes from a deep place of trust and affection that I didn't have. This was my mate doing something he likes doing. It didn’t even really require my participation. I let him rinse me off before turning around to face him, laying weird in the tub to stroke his cheek and nuzzle my head into his neck without hurting my legs. He strokes his fingers through my hair like he was trying to make up for grabbing it like he did. My hair was an unruly mess I wasn’t about to start worrying over anymore.

“You can’t dye your hair anymore,” he whispers, pressing his nose against mine, “No more salons. No more fancy coffees or ice cold energy drinks. No more hot tubs.” He thought he was so funny. “No more cheap fast food. No more people. No nuisance kids. No doorbells. No noise.”

“You’re not locking me in a room and keeping me trapped in a bed,” I complain, tracing his jaw with the edge of my finger. “You owe me sunbathing on a good run.” I relax against him more. “This also doesn’t mean I’m pregnant.”

“It doesn’t?” He asks dramatically before splashing me annoyingly like a little kid. “That’s not how this works? I can’t just snap my fingers?” He snapped his fingers a few times like it was magic that wasn’t working.

“Okay, Michael Banks,” I grumble, sitting up to get out.

“Michael Banks?” He made a face at me in the dark. “You’re cultured?”

I made a face of disgust at him. “To think, I might’ve made a baby with you.” I get out of the tub dramatically only for him to be a single step behind me, unplugging the tub.

“C’mon, you’re the one who thinks you’re feral,” he complains, scooping me up off my feet before throwing me into bed still wet. “You never talk movies with me.”

“There’s no TV,” I grumble, holding my hand out towards the TV as he pounced on the bed over me. “Why would we talk about movies we can’t even watch? Plus, you know I don’t like TVs. They give me headaches.”

He makes another face at me before kissing me. I nip him for it and suddenly, it’s like nothing bad has ever happened.

“You know, you’re the moody one, right? Do you think you’re done PMSing?” I laugh when he flashes his wolf at me, briefly distorting his face again to show that he doesn’t like my comment. But then he nips a line down my body and buried his face between my legs briefly to see if there was any significant change yet. But I knew he wouldn’t find any scent changes or hormonal differences for a few days. So, all he was doing was mocking me more again.

So, after I smacked him across the back of the head and scrambled away like he was the big bad wolf about to get me, he tackled me in a big bear hug with our heads against the pillows. He pulled the blankets up over us after he tangled himself around me so I couldn’t escape like we were playing some game. But I just relaxed into his strong hold and let him cover us in the blankets. This probably wasn’t what he expected me to do because I fell right asleep like his attempt to crowd me was nothing more than being swaddled like a baby.

[keef-a-corn]

Dat’s right, people, it’s time for ‘Keef watches TFP and you just get the notes!’

This is for season 1, episode 15: Shadowzone

I write down the timestamps, but I watch Transformers Prime on Stan (an Australian streaming service) so they may be slightly off.

ALSO! I try my best to note points for every character, but tend to get a little caught up by Bee (although I think I do a pretty good job with the notes regardless) so do be warned.

~~~~Transition~~~~

00:12 - parallel between Megatron in the last episodes and Starscream now.

00:46 - Megatron noticed the parallel too.

01:10 - one of those moments where being a smexy bicth comes second to his job as a doctor.

01:19 - honestly, Knockout not pushing it shows just how well he knows Starscream.

01:33 - I thought the dark energon was necessary because Megatron needed energon, but his body was no longer comparable to accept anything other than dark.

~intro~

03:04 - I hardly even noticed Bee was there.

03:10 - the thinker.

03:16 - But Megatron was dead during the Skyquake episode. He wouldn’t know that Skyquake would require dark energon. Understandable why they’d assume it’s Megatron, but why would they assume Megatron’s there for Skyquake?

04:03 - this girl is on fiiiireeeeee + giving off ‘friends on the other side’ rn

04:18 - shut up, the way way Bee looks at Optimus and the cheetah meme have the same energy.

04:22 - so they truly are skipping over that angst? It appears I have a future project.

04:23 - Ratchet is the only one who doesn’t put on a game face when he’s addressed. We know why, but it’s nice to note.

04:30 - there’s something so perfect about the way Optimus jumps straight to explaining his decision and turns around to face Ratchet while doing so rather than pulling a classic ‘yes, because we need you’

04:35 - Once again, refreshing to see a character assigned to a position they’re not traditionally assigned to, but still showing passion and respect.

04:39 - How did Bulkhead not realise Miko was up to something?

04:42 - She’s drawing Optimus fighting Megatron.

04:46 - Glad to know someone’s paying attention.

04:52 - I love the way the bots walk, especially Optimus and Bee. There’s something so proper and powerful about it.

05:06 - LMAO

05:14 - Let’s pretend that Arcee couldn’t hear them.. why wouldn’t they yell out to her so she could stop Miko or close the ground bridge before Miko got there?

05:22 - Miko, Miko, Miko… frustrating af.

05:44 - they all have similar walk cycles, but none sync up.

05:53 - Bee dropping back as they walk along could be multiple things, him getting protected, acting as rear support, could also be because he’s the smallest but is walking at a similar pace to the others, meaning he’s covering less ground. Obviously I could be overthinking it too, but if we go that route these notes are completely useless.

05:55 - If you pause it at the right time Ratchet’s head makes it look like Optimus has a huge ass. (Unfortunately I did not screenshot it at the right time)

06:06 - my dude didn’t think to even ONCE call out to the bots and go ‘just so you know, we’re here’

06:18 - that would be my worst nightmare. Don’t have FOMO, just care about my phone.

06:25 - HO MAMMA

06:34 - the fading between the red and purple is so seemless and a nice detail

06:41 - I just need this screenshot to be witnessed. Why is he standing like that?? WHY DOES HE STAND LIKE THAT FOR SO LONG?

06:52 - this line’s so confusing when you forget that his arms are apart of his wings when he’s in his vehicle mode.

07:16 - AHHH THE HEAD TILT!!! Seeing that we’re looking at them from an angle, Bee’s most likely behind Bulkhead, meaning he cannot actually see the humans, but can hear them. + everyone else’s reactions tooooo!

07:27 - While everyone else looks at the ground bridge, Bee looks at the others before the bridge.

07:30 - Ratchet looking fabulous rn.

07:33 - 1. The way his voice echos is a really nice touch. 2. Ratchet using the same tone a parent would rn has me cryin.

08:06 - Starscream went into the ground bridge around the same time the kids did. Why wasn’t he caught?

08:14 - the longer that shot went for, the more I laughed.

08:26 - As soon as Starscream pulls out the dark energon it plays Arcee screaming ‘Tailgate’. Starscream has nothing to do with what happened to Tailgate. I think they were just reusing the sound from when Airachnid killed Tailgate and forgot to edit out the voice line. Upon evaluation, I do believe they’re different sounds. I don’t know why her voice line plays.

08:51 - Bee’s so cute until he breaks the fourth wall. + height difference my beloved.

09:03 - I don’t understand how the bots weren’t affected. Let’s say Starscream got to the otherside, but they kids didn’t, fine. But the bots were still caught in the explosion?

09:26 - You know that would be absolutely traumatising.

10:09 - … what was the point of insulting him?

10:14 - This is what makes it really confusing. How did Skyquake get caught in the shadow zone, but the other bots didn’t??

11:16 - Karma’s a bicth, ain’t she? Jack and Raf didn’t deserve it, but Miko totally did.

12:00 - God do I hate Miko rn. + Aw, Raf’s reaction

12:45 - Yes. In the rocks that are apparently not with you in the Shadowzone.

12:51 - you can hear Optimus trying not to show his panic and worry… and failing.

12:56 - Father and Son right here.

12:58 - with mild Confidence ‘what if you (or we) call them?’

13:35 - Not ‘nothing’. He picked up. He’s alive. It’s that there was no response.

14:05 - kinda disappointed that they didn’t have any other way to message the bots. Feels like there should be a way for the bots to message them and they message the bots, especially for situations where silence is necessary or Bee has to tell Miko or Jack something.

15:38 - Decepticons have parts to spare.

16:10 - Starscream’s arm is enormous compared to the kids.

17:23 - how does he get it open??

17:27 - *mwah* beautiful line delivery.

17:40 - god these line deliveries are stunning.

17:44 - It’s like the shot at the start.

17:46 - why does Starscream have the Crystal out?? What if Knockout saw?

18:35 - Love how either thought the other would be able to tell what Ratchet was saying.

18:47 - saying that as if common sense wouldn’t tell us that if they changed any part of it something would go wrong.

19:02 - aren’t they in a canyon? Isn’t that like one long strip??

19:31 - why would it be yours??

20:15 - glad the plan worked so seamlessly.

20:18 - Why wasn’t Bee sent? He’s Raf’s guardian after all.

20:31 - HOLY SCRAP LOOK AT HOW PRETTY IT IS!

20:34 - There’s literally no reason for Bee not to be(e) present.

20:39 - agreed. Repeat that and also apologise.

20:45 - Optimus smilinggggg

21:04 - a logical assumption.

21:10 - hc is that Knockout promotes self care for everyone (autobots included, but he’s careful when he does it.)

21:18 - I know Skyquake’s a zombie and all, but I feel bad for him.

———————

And that was Shadowzone!

It was alright. I’m not one for the human focused episodes, but it’s alright and a good way to introduce the Shadow Realm (despite how confusing it may have been.)

I thought the way Optimus was portrayed in the episode was good, showing how he cared for the children despite not really being allowed to express worry for their safety. I will admit that Bulkhead, Arcee and especially Bumblebee’s reactions to their charge’s going missing were too weak from any standpoint.

I thought that the Starscream plot line was quite weak as well and I don’t really understand what they were going for.