#And I'll be honest I think the composition could be better

[naurielrochnur]

The prompt this week on the rote discord server is "Unfinished Business" so of course I took the opportunity to draw Small Ferret.

It was an absolute delight to draw Small Ferret in all his throat ripping glory.

[epickiya722]

What About Tengen?

Alright, folks, time for "What thought Kiya wants to share today because if she doesn't, she'll freak out"! Ha ha... yeah...

Now, before we get onto this I don't expect anyone to agree or let alone be for the idea. This is just me, again, sharing a thought I had. I wouldn't even say it's a genius thought. Just a thought. In fact, a wild one.

After rereading some chapters and writing a whole fic, I've been thinking about this idea I haven't seen much about before that I haven't recalled and that is...

Can Yuji be a Vessel for Tengen? Let alone is it a possible ending for Yuji?

I already know this is about to be a lengthy post and to be honest, I don't know how to exactly put this into words, but I'll try my best. I'm still getting into understanding how jujutsu and all that works, so bear with me.

☆☆☆

Chapters Referenced

145

249

257

☆☆☆

Back in chapter 145, Tengen notes that because of the failed merging with Riko Amanai (she was assassinated by Toji due to the Star Religious Group believing a merging with Tengen is impure), their aging accelerated and that's what lead to their current physical state. Also, a bit later, Tengen states how they evolved pass the point needing a specific Star Plasma Vessel. So it's not impossible for them to merge with anybody else.

Which, thinking about it, Kenjaku might have been the one to orchestrate that assassination because of that reason (Tengen evolving). That's canon, right? I believe that's canon... anyways!!

The whole point of a Star Plasma Vessel is to "reset" Tengen's technique, Immortality, as noted back in chapter 66 (conversation between Gojo, Yaga and Geto).

When Tengen merges with a capable SPV, it prevents them (Tengen) from evolving. If they evolve, they lose their sense of self, lose their sense of will. They can become a threat to humanity.

"Master Tengen will no longer be Master Tengen."

Now how this applies to Yuji?

Okay, so because Tengen has evolved, anyone can be a Vessel for them, possibly. With that in mind, that could include Yuji. But is Yuji capable?

Well, if Yuji could hold Sukuna, I say it's possible. Yuji was made to be Sukuna's vessel, his cage. When Yuji first swallowed Sukuna's Cursed Finger, it a slim chance he'd survive. And he does! Not only does he survive, but he showcases he's able to control his body from Sukuna. Keep in mind, Sukuna is a very powerful being. Anybody who have swallowed that Finger would have either died (due to the Fingers being like poison) or never got their body back.

Let's also consider the nature of Sukuna. He's human, but not human. He's a Curse, but not like a Curse. Sukuna is human, but his behavior is that of a Curse. Tengen is something similar. They evolved more into something of a Cursed Spirit than a human.

If Yuji could handle Sukuna who in a way is similar in a way to Tengen, what if Yuji also could be a vessel for Tengen? And not just that. It's implied that with Tengen, whoever become their vessel, "dies".

Well, what if for Yuji, as he was able to with Sukuna, he could still maintain his sense of self?

Keep in mind, Yuki Tsukumo (first name similar to Yuji's) was a temporary SPV for Tengen and she came out fine. Sure, she's a Special Grade, but at the point of the story we are at, Yuji had been declared at Sukuna's level, who is considered Special Grade. Hmm...

Sliding in right here to add as of 257, it's implied that Yuji was born with one of Sukuna's fingers already sealed in him. Which makes me think even further about this.

Kenjaku, Kaori and Jin are human. Therefore, Yuji is human... so even as an unborn baby, he should have died when that Finger was sealed in him, right? Unless, it was a ruse this whole time that Sukuna's Cursed Fingers would kill someone upon consuming them to keep people from swallowing those Fingers. (But I kinda doubt it was a ruse.)

What if because of the Finger, it didn't kill Yuji but altered his composition so that he already was somewhat like a Curse? Better yet, like his brothers the Death Paintings who are part Curse, part human? Who also happen to be aborted? So, the "Death" part of that title is fitting. But also... maybe it can apply to Yuji, too? As I said, that CF could have made unborn Yuji part Curse, part human. You could say that the CF "killed" some part of human Yuji.

Reminder that because he is Sukuna's vessel and he swallowed that Finger, he was seen as being part Curse, part human. What if this whole time, he already as such?

And one of the subtle hints to Tengen and Sukuna?

Speaking of Death Paintings!!

Something else I want to point out from 257 is that is had been revealed that Yuji and Sukuna both ate their siblings to gain something from them. For Sukuna, it was to survive. For Yuji, it was to gain the Blood Manipulation technique.

Their siblings, at those times, were not like full grown or anything. No... they were fetuses.

And guess what? The last time we get a look at Tengen's current state before being sent off to Sukuna was in 249. And what did Tengen look like?

This. Small and almost fetus-like, you can say.

What if at some point, the others somehow get hold of Tengen with them in this state? Like how Death Paintings are, Tengen can't function independently in this state. What if like those DPs, Tengen will need a new body? A new vessel?

And the chosen vessel? Yuji Itadori. And how? By consuming Tengen.

I know, I know! It's crazy!

But thinking about all what I have so far said, I wouldn't even say it's impossible. Oh, I'm not done.

In another post, I talked about how it seemed risky that Yuji consumed 6 DPs and not one took over his body. Even though, he could control Sukuna, wouldn't it still be considered a gamble that his body could have been taken over by a DP? Maybe they figured because he previously had been Sukuna's vessel, it would turn out okay. Which it did and it makes sense!

Yuji isn't just a vessel. He's a cage. And what if he wasn't just a cage for Sukuna, but for anything?

What if Kenjaku practiced run experimenting making DPs to prepare for someone like Yuji? DPs take complete control of someone's body and forge it into their own. Yuji's does the opposite.

He remains conscious of himself and his body adapts. What if that can work with Tengen?

I think about how Riko was meant to be Tengen's vessel and there was a guarantee she wouldn't be Riko anymore. Opposite of Yuji. Amazingly enough though, for two characters who never met (Yuji was three when Riko died), they sure do have a lot in common. [This post here!]

I'm not saying I'm an expert on analyzing stories, let alone Gege Akutami's works, but I noticed that some subtle hints of foreshadowing are sometimes done when two (or more) characters tend to have commonality. Riko and Yuji happen to be a pair. While alike, they're also opposite. And as I mention, one thing they're opposite in is that Riko's existence was at sake merging with Tengen. Yuji? He keeps his control.

Another is that Riko, at first, she accepts her death when becoming Tengen. She felt like a loner because of that fate. However, she changes her mind at the end and wants to live.

Yuji also accepts death as Sukuna's vessel and before thought of himself as a loner, but he is also a fighter. His grandfather told him to help others so he can be surrounded when he dies.

What if, in reverse, Yuji will give up on that goal at the end? Tengen is, too, a loner like Yuji and Riko. What if Yuji gives up and accepts such a fate as being a loner, taking Tengen's place? Maybe, be surrounded by those who remain as he "dies" to take Tengen's place before going into solitude?

It's a tragic ending, I know. But with JJK, a lot of these characters do have tragic endings.

Simply overall, what if this is a possible ending that has been hinted at this whole time? What if at the end, Yuji is the one to become the next Tengen of sorts? And if he does, he can still be him?

I'm not saying this is a guarantee, let alone you have to agree. [But if you don't, keep it to yourself, I don't care to argue with someone over my thought.]

But it's a thought I have had for a while (since... February...)

[mysteryanimator]

obligatory process vid- gonna start using these process vids as a word vomit on my thought process as well (wish i did that on my other ones LOL)

I'm teaching myself more about composite + 2d animation whenever I can and creating anims with it in mind, so these process vids/thoughts are more for myself to look back on and go "so i did this last time, how can I make it better."

I missed out on doing highlights and his jewelry + braid here due to being busy LOL, lacking secondary action here. Trying to implement stronger arc motions, which led to accidentally going overkill and made it look like Olrox was sitting on- yeah anyway. So that changed the complete trajectory of the mood of the animation went in the opposite direction. This also is a very 'side view', so for the next one, I'm gonna try to push for more dynamic staging (let's be honest my first priority was to be silly and basically redo that old anim i did in Nov 2023) also I get off-model near the end and it's bugging me. My tendency to speed through these mini self-projects often makes me forget little details so I will take note of that for future

(mix of tiedown and clean here)

On the composite side, I messed around with changing the shadow colour + shadow gradients yipee, which I think integrates them more into the scene but it's still so harsh for me, I cant figure out why because pushing it the other way makes it too soft but that will a challenge I'll face for my next anim (maybe?) Also the whites are too white and I gotta knock them down a peg. Despite knowing there are a lot more things I could do, I still think I did a pretty decent job with my limited knowledge. Honestly excited for when I can do highlights again because I feel like this would level it up more.

(still of the final render)

If you're still reading, thank you! You get a cookie. I literally did annotations over certain scenes which you can see here which i swear I watch more than just Nocturne, I just get super curious about how shots get built up and then put my own personal spin since some aspects allude to me for the time being.

[addie4ddie2005]

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI IN PIXEL HAZE CH4 I'M GOING TO EXPLODE I STAYED TILL 4 READING IT AND IT WAS SOSOSOSOSO GOOD- I can't really make anything good ATM BUT I HAD TO MAKE SMT I COULD JUST DO NPTHING SO I SCRIBBLED SOME IDEAS- THE COMPOSITION SUCKS BUTT BUT I SWEAR I WILL COME BACK TO IT LATER IT WAS SO GOOD- I'm not that good at analysing character dynamics in profound detail but if I could I would make a 20 page paragraph dedicated to the sillies ok now I'm done blabbering i swear that I will make SMT better next time OK BYEEEEEE💥💥💥💥💥💥

(ps: reading it w/ the playlist was an experience I'll tell ya thAT. The FEEEEEELSSSSS)

Dawggg I’m so glad,,, 100% honest and cringe rn I think of you when I post errytime like I wonder what scenes Ur going to love…

“I can’t really make anything good ATM” proceeds to make the hardest images I’ve ever seen 🤦/POS

Seriously these make me 🤯 you rlly have a knack for making things so epic… Ur brain is ginormous. Like. Looking DOWN at your obituary? Having it being the ground beneath your feat? Adds a whole nother level of unbearable.

Reader going @ Kinito like that is crazyyy 😭 You pictured it so vividly and MEANLY!! (All the /POS)

20 Page Essay yo??? I’m so flattered you think so dude TYSM… I don’t feel that profound abt the characters I write but it’s so awesome that they’re true to you… All the hearts all the hearts <3

[luck-and-larceny]

FFXIV Write: Morsel

Marrant’s first and second love is himself. His third love is also himself. But somewhere a little way after that is music. 

Those are qualities we share, I suppose.

Where we disagree is on the topic of image. Marrant cannot rest until he proves to the world that he's every bit as important, intelligent and talented as he fully believes himself to be. He is certain he's a divine gift sent from the Twelve themselves to be idolized and admired by an adoring public. The problem comes when he encounters people who do not realize this. These ungrateful fools cause him to lose sleep, for if there is even one person who might doubt his capability he tosses and turns in bed, fully consumed by a gnawing need to prove them wrong. 

I cannot even begin to comprehend that. To me, it's more fun to be regarded differently by different people. I thrive as much off people hating me as I do them adoring me. 

So when Marrant tells me that he needs me to steal Audr Shade’s latest musical composition because it will win this year's competition I'm not surprised. He could never handle people thinking someone else's work was better than his own (though it often was). 

I am surprised when Marrant tells me that he needs me to also rob his place of the composition he was going to submit to the competition because, “It's not good enough and I won't embarrass myself by letting them hear it. But I also won't embarrass myself by not submitting it.”

“But you will embarrass yourself by asking your ex-girlfriend– who we've already established hates you and you hate in return– to steal it from you? Why not just say it was stolen?”

He rolls his eyes to make it clear to me that he's already considered that and he's disappointed that I can't keep up with his superior intellect.

“Unless it looks like it was actually stolen they'll see through it. They'll gossip amongst themselves that I made the whole robbery up because I was too ashamed to admit my incompetence. Despicable little cretins.”

“Oh, absolutely,” I agree, “It's so hard to find good, honest people to take you at your word these days while you're hiring thieves to wreck your home so you can save face in a stupid little music contest.”

His eyes light up with rage. Uh oh. That means a boring lecture will soon rain down upon me. 

“It's NOT a ‘stupid little music’ contest. The fact that I need to tell you that says so much about you and your lack of culture. All these years later and you still don't care about the things that matter, do you?”

“Nah,” I agree, “You need this done tonight, right? I'll need addresses…”

“The Gridanian Songwriting Competition is the most innovative and creative music celebration in all of Eorzea–”

“Wouldn't know it from the name,” I interrupt, “They use up all the innovation and creativity budget before getting to that?”

He ignores me. That's probably the right call. “Every important name in music and aspiring artist attends the competition. The winner becomes the most respected name in music for the entire year. As a professional musician there is no greater honor than to be acknowledged by the committee. If you spent half as much time on your music as you do skulking about, breaking windows and shoplifting–”

“Then I wouldn't be able to save you from utter humiliation at this contest by robbing you. So really, thank the Twelve I'm such an uncultured child, right?” 

He sniffs and says nothing because he knows I'm right. I'll savor this tiny victory crumb.

“Audr Shade is a genius. A musical genius.” It is a great struggle for Marrant to form these words and if I didn't despise him so much I might even pity him. Instead, I relish this. This is delicious.

“But he's also a heathen,” he says. “He is rude, uncouth, undignified and undeserving of the award.”

“Sounds like my kind of guy,” I reply.

“You'd like him,” he admits with a shrug. “But I still need you to steal that music if you want information on the Tempest Tapestry.”

“I steal from a lot of people I like,” I casually shrug back. 

“You're a terrible person,” he says and I don't disagree. Instead, I take down the address and make my plans to rob the musical genius and this insufferable bore tonight.

I might be a bad person, but at least I won't be a bored one.

[supercantaloupe]

happy sleepover saturday! any thoughts about Beetlejuice the musical (positive/negative/etc)? I've really liked what I've seen/heard but I'd be interested to know what you think. additionally, as a guy who rarely listens to any kind of classical music because he is bad at remembering the titles 😫 what are some bangers i should put on tonight while i assemble a gerbil cage? (preferably the smaller... songs? numbers? please no longer than 10 minutes per. concerto???? idk what they're called im so sorry. last thing these are my three beautiful boys im adopting tomorrow!

OHH THREE BEAUTIFUL BABY BOYS. i like that that two of them appear to have airbender arrows on their heads

i! don't have very strong opinions on beetlejuice the musical, to be honest. i haven't seen it and it's been a few years since listening to the soundtrack. i remember it being decent, a few clever lines and composition moments here and there, there was clearly some creativity and heart put into it. it didn't seem to have like the kind of lazy cashgrab project vibes that other movie-to-stage musical adaptations sometimes, like sure the original movie here was a cult classic already but the team turning it into a musical seemed really interested in making into its own thing that adds to the creative idea. it's not really my cup of tea these days but it seems like a fun time, and you can absolutely do worse

HMM...well i am very much at heart a symphony girlie and symphonies tend to be quite a bit longer than ten minutes, But i shall try to come up with some shorter selections...

the overture to die meistersinger is genuinely a work of genius. i regret having to recommend a wagner piece because philosophically (and also at times musically) i disagree with the man intensely, and he was a massive piece of shit. but damn could he write an overture. he should have been a symphonist. and left it at that.

in that vein actually opera overtures are gonna offer a lot of great options for exciting classical music pieces that don't go on for too long. rossini has a ton of classics to choose from, many of which are very famous and also might be recognizable, like the barber of seville, la gazza ladra (the thieving magpie), l'italiana in algeri (the italian girl in algeria), la scala di seta (the silken ladder) and william tell.

some of my other personal favorite overtures are mozart's le nozze di figaro (the marriage of figaro) and the magic flute, weber's der freischütz, donizetti's la fille du régiment (the daughter of the regiment), and bernstein's candide.

also! the dance of the hours is a classic, it comes from the ballet la gioconda and also was featured in the original fantasia so it might be familiar!

finally i'll recommend some concert band music which i think is often overlooked in the classical music world. and no one does concert band better than brits and americans. holst first suite in Eb and second suite in F are both great, same for vaughan williams' english folk song suite. and william walton's crown imperial coronation march.

OH and arturo márquez's danzón no 2. okay love you bye

[ask meme]

[bastetwastaken]

So what if I wrote something really stupid...well, more stupid than my usual writing... About Atem from Double Exposure.

What if I wrote his entire story? From his point of view? As him telling you all his story and his past? Would that be stupid? Would anyone actually care for it?

Maybe.... anyway, have an excerpt of the stupid thing I've already started writing which may never actually see the light of day again. Make the most of it, and if you want more maybe I'll finish writing it... <3 <3

.........

Have you ever seen a photo and thought that something was…off about it? That something in the composition wasn’t quite right, that there was some sort of imperfection in it but every time you try to look a little closer, things become even less clear? 

I’ve always thought people are much the same. 

Take me, for example.

What you see in photos is only what I want you to see. You only know what I want you to, you see me smiling, laughing, smirking confidently and you think that is who I am. That I’m comfortable in my skin, that I’m happy. But that is so far from the truth.

If you look a little closer, allow me to expose those parts that aren’t quite right. To part the curtains and let you see me as I truly am…but I’ll be honest with you. My past is not pretty, it’s not smooth, I have regrets by the bucket-full, baggage which I still struggle under the weight of…I have been broken, used, betrayed, abandoned and I have been in places which I never thought I would ever be able to drag myself out of. I am as far from perfect as you can get, but I am trying…I am really trying to be better and all I ask from you is that you  keep that in mind as you read these pages, as I expose my soul to you I ask only for your patience.

-----

People used to ask me, jokingly I thought, if I was ready for my life to change. Honestly, I didn’t fully understand what that meant at the time. Of course my life was changing, I was making a drastic career change, moving away from something I knew and was good at into something which was totally alien to me and that I may fail at. 

At first I didn’t know what that change would bring. I thought a couple of people might know me, maybe I’d even become famous in my hometown… but I didn’t expect the world to know my name, for people to stop me in the street, that complete strangers would fall over themselves to try and speak to me. 

Through every interaction though with every person, every stranger who stopped me and complimented me, everyone who told me I’d go far, that I was going to be big…there was this voice in my head, beginning to whisper:

Would you still be so happy to meet me if you really knew who I was? If you knew all the things I’d done? If you could see all of me? 

It’s easy to tell me that you would, but still, I wonder. Sure, there’s a part of me that is exactly what you see but there are also others…others that I want to show and some which are a little scary to get into. 

Like, the nagging insecurity which sits in the back of my mind and tells me I’m not good enough. Or the part which has had sex with countless people- many of which I wish I hadn’t, all of which I regret to some degree. What about the part that developed the unhealthy coping mechanisms that almost led to me losing my life? Or the part which wishes the former would have succeeded. My self-loathing part, my part that just wishes to be left alone, the anxious one that threatens to ruin it all… 

You see, if you knew me…all of me…then you wouldn’t love me, and I wouldn’t blame you. 

So why am I writing this? To make you all hate me? Is this just another self-hatred fuelled effort to turn you all away from me and for me to self-destruct? 

No. 

This is a chance. 

Shame loves secrets, it thrives on it, and I’m telling my story in an attempt to take that power away from the shame I feel. I’m telling you this to heal, to remove that suffocating feeling that comes along with trying so desperately to hide yourself from others. 

Not long before I started writing this, I had an experience with a total stranger on the street of the city I used to call home. They approached me and I was worried that they would want something from me, but they didn’t... 

They only wanted to tell me that I was an inspiration to them. 

Those words had a profound effect on me which I don’t think this person realised. I have never thought of myself in that way, never dared to paint myself in such a positive light, but they did and it got me thinking. 

I hide so much of myself from the world, I hide my pain, my worries, my past…but what if those parts I hide could help someone else? What if there’s someone like me out there? Thinking they’re alone, that they’re not worth the effort, that they’re not worth love…that the things they have done and the burdens they carry are too much for someone else to possibly want to bear? 

So this is a chance for me to tell you about myself, and it’s not gonna be pretty, really, it’s not, but if my experiences help even one person see that they are not alone, then I’ll count that as a win. 

--------

If you would like to read the Puzzleshipping fic this would 'technically' follow on from, where Atem is a model with quite the colourful past and Yugi is a journalist who changes his life after an interview, you can find it here- Double Exposure.

[wifting]

(-v-) Cautionne helps to comfort you after a rough day. \(-o-)/

-ˋˏ✄ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You sit curled up overwhelmed at the occurrences you've been put through. You try to hush your loud unsteady breathing so the microphones wouldn't pick up your panic.

:a door opens:

Cautionne:Er.. Labrat?

oh god he must have heard you. You quickly try to make yourself look put together, you can't be seen freaking out by some kid.

Cautionne:Did you really think you could hide from me in my own room? You really are just a stupid STOP agent..

:he sits down on the floor next to you:

Cautionne:Ugh stop making me feel bad.

"What?" You thought. Is he concerned about you? The person who's been making your life hell with what looks like little to no remorse is pitying you? What kind of joke is this?

Cautionne:You need to realize how pitiful you look right now, labrat

:he scoffs:

:he stops and looks like he's thinking for a second:

Cautionne:Ugh here get up I'll show you something.

You get up and follow him to a drawer in the room. He opens the drawer which houses a collection of neatly lined up... Something in cases?

:he pulls one of the cases out and opens it:

Cautionne:you see this

:he pulls something out of the case:

Cautionne: this is a CD. Bet you don't see these often? Orr are you old enough to remember when these were still more commonly used?

:he laughs slightly:

You knew what a CD was, they weren't THAT old. Though this type of casing was different from how you see them used these days. You think back on when you were younger, didn't your uncle have a ton of CDs in cases like these?

Cautionne:This one is the best one in my whole collection! I bet you wouldn't recognize it though..

:he looks a bit upset for a second before getting back to his usual confident demeanor:

Cautionne:Take a gander Labrat!

:he closes the case and holds out the front of it towards your face confidently with a large grin:

The case was a distinct blue with four men standing somewhat awkwardly on it with some text in the corner. You didn't recognize it at all.

Cautionne:These guy's music is so good! This album is my favorite one

:he looks down at the case:

So it was a music CD? Huh you had nearly forgotten people used to keep music on those.. You were never really a guy for the retro nostalgia core stuff

Cautionne:Yeah this one is so cool! The instrumentals and composition are just so-

:he catches himself and puts back on a bit more of a serious tone. He didn't wanna look like some kid:

Cautionne:to be honest the reason I showed this to you is because well

:he slouches slightly and his facial expression softens:

Cautionne:I thought these songs could help you feel better.

Help me feel better? You were confused on why he would want to help you feel better at all considering how much he seemed to despise you.

Cautionne:to be honest.. Urgh :he shows a slight disgusted face about what he's about to do: sometimes even supervillains have to show some compassion..

:he has a sentimental look in his eyes:

Cautionne:when Dr Danger and I got here she found some of these CDs in storage at this place and well since we didn't have much else to do to pass the time we would listen to them a lot.

:he grips his skirt and looks down embarrassed:

Cautionne:truth is: these songs helped me a lot in those times.. I just wanted more people to get to hear them. Would you... Listen to them with me.

Huh? So he just wanted you to listen to some songs with him? That's all? Well.. It couldn't hurt

Cautionne:Really you're interested!

:he brushes himself off and goes to his desk to grab what looked like one of those old music player speakers:

:he clicks open the speakers cover for where the disk goes and takes the disk out of the case and puts it in:

Cautionne:You better like this Labrat. This is what good music sounds like

↻ ◁ || ▷ ↺

:he presses the play button:

====================================✄

-🏀

[skinnytuna]

there's a certain stubbornness to my approach to art.

i'm always trying to improve, trying to make something that's better than the last, but there are clear shortcomings i have no interest in fixing. in music, for example, there's an arms race. and this arms race takes many forms, be it plugins, guitar tone, composition, or just a general vibe.

it's competitive. and there's a clear, visible delineation between the people competing and the people not competing. a lot of people in my life are competing. they're always hunting for a sound no one else has their hands on yet. to be honest, this competition doesn't interest me at all. it bores me, and it sets you up with this constant win/loss dynamic depending on where your arsenal stands relative to everyone else's. it makes me uncomfortable to participate in. so i, either deliberately or just due to being a creature of habit, resist upgrades at every turn. i will use the oldest shittiest tools i can for as long as they last, and begrudgingly upgrade when i have literally no other option.

but even an an out-opter of this race, it still feels like failure to not participate. oh my god. did you hear that one part of that essential mix. how the fuck did he make that sound. i don't know man. i thought we left the "technical skill = good" argument in the 70s. you'll often see people who find themself winning try to scratch their way out of the competition as soon as possible, too. skrillex left the vocoder growl --the sound that made him famous-- in the past after only a handful of tracks.

it's also possible that all of this is in my head. i still seek growth… through feeling, through structure, maybe others just seek growth through tools and HOLY FUCK!s instead. i'm well aware i have a tendancy to seek complex patternic explanations for my own inadequacy complex. it's also true that the amount of validation you receive is not necessarily correlated with how good of a job you are doing. the landscape is very chaotic, and oftentimes the simpler and less expert art is what connects because it's closer in proximity to the brain of a consumer.

i often think of what sort of life i would be leading if i had devoted my life to illustration rather than writing and composition. if i would grapple between integrity and accessibility, if my fanart blowing up would make me depressed in relation to my unloved original stories. if i would find myself frustrated that my technically gifted allies couldn't find an audience next to my memey dysgraphic catscratches. if i would come up with a whole neurotic structure in my mind, of the way the game works, of the way i don't fit within it, of the way everyone else knows what they're doing and i don't. i wonder if people who are equally devoted to two things find themselves understanding the world better. a formatiel bilingua. another wall to synthesize between. maybe if i care about writing enough i'll learn the answer myself.

really it all comes down to narcissism. i have somehow convinced myself that, if i maybe try a little bit, not exceptionally hard, but only a little bit, maybe i will somehow magically be good enough and worthy of critical praise. lol! how bold! how entitled! you think you could be better than people who bled and cried for it? who dedicated every waking moment? who didnt spend the first 15 years of their life playing call of duty? by doing fucking nothing? you should be so lucky.

whatever happened to me that made me like this i sure don't seem to have any way to fix it. since basically the moment i discovered i can make whatever i want with a computer i have not stopped or slowed down and as a matter of fact it has probably gotten worse this decade than any other. i'm doing better in my real life at least.

what was i talking about, again? oh yeah, systems.

i still think, on the whole, there is something radical about art made with very few man-hours behind it. if we know being world-class at something requires time and money and being in the right places and having the right people around you, why is it valued as inherently good? is it not spitting in the face of the structure to hit the cello with a hammer? im a junkie for bad art, i try to walk as perpendicularly to the line of objective quality as possible. oh this extremely coveted painting is just a black canvas? tight. okay maybe the millions of dollars in laundered money being passed around to exchange ownership of it isn't tight… you know what i mean. i think thats why i like friend art so much. or things that have big nasty warts on them to scare away anyone who grew up on pristine, 40 person projects being churned out by industries who stand to profit.

the arms race to me is an idealism. an appeal to the systems that say effort = good. inaccessible = good. difficult = good. if you suffered more its more better. well fucking maybe i dont like suffering. sue me. whatever.

[chattercap]

Future Plans for Actala

Sorry for the kind of sporadic updates, I do need to be better about posting here! I post devlogs on my itch page monthly, and I've decided to crosspost the latest one here since it has some important info about Actala's future development! A copy of my latest itch devlog is under the cut!

Hello, happy June!

It's been another month (time really does fly)! 

No Actala updates this time, as I ended up increasing the scope a bit on my Otome Jam project so I had to divert my attention to that (please look forward to some EXCELLENT voice acting)! Karamu will release sometime in the next couple of weeks!

But although I don't have any updates for Actala, I do have a bit of an announcement. As you might know if you played through the demo, I originally planned to illustrate the story 100% with CGs and mini-CGs. This was...unrealistic (as basically anyone with half a brain could have told you, I imagine). 

This was something that became EXTREMELY apparent as I worked on Karamu. I thought I scoped very realistically (a simple scene with 2 characters and only 10k words), and I hoped to finish the game within a month. However, while I finished the script in a week, I've spent almost 2 months on the illustrations. (If I extrapolate that out for Actala, where the current script is 250,000 words...I won't finish the thing for another 4-5 years...)

Part of that is that I've been experimenting with more complex/highly rendered CGs, and taking more care with the color and compositions (you can see a sample below). For Actala, I adopted a more simple coloring style because of the high volume of illustrations, but I was never really happy with them. Rather than putting out a ton of illustrations that I'm not happy with, I'd prefer to put out a smaller number that I'm more satisfied with.

If I'm being honest, I didn't adopt the "CG only" strategy for any deep reason in particular. It was mainly a snap decision based on insecurities with my own art, as I felt like my art couldn't really stand on par with other VNs (so I decided to create value with quantity over quality). However, ultimately I think it's detrimental to the project. The amount of work required for the art just dwarfs everything else, to the point where I put off the other tasks to make a SMALL dent in the art (for instance, I really want to improve the GUI, which looks a bit clunky and not super elegant...) 

So from now on, I will most likely adopt the sprite format for Actala, instead of utilizing exclusively CGs. Those sprites may or may not be animated; I'll try it out and see how I feel about them. You can still expect a lot of CGs from me, but not exclusive! Interestingly, I actually planned to do sprites in the early stages of development, and I finished almost all of them. These are over a year old at this point, so they will be completely redone, though! 

I hope that this isn't disappointing to anyone (it probably isn't; I'm just stubborn as an ox when it comes to my impulse decisions...) But from a projection perspective, it's just 100% impossible to get Actala out on any reasonable timeline with the approach that I was taking. This way, I'll be able to get the game out a bit faster (with nicer illustrations, just fewer of them)! And it will give me a little more time to polish other aspects of the game, and perhaps work on a few more side projects ;)

For the rest of this month, I'll be finishing out Karamu. Then at the start of July, I'll take a bit of a game dev break before tackling the sprites! Expect to see some sketches in the next devlog~

If you read this far, thank you! See you next month :)

Chattercap

[night-unfurls-its-splendour]

🌤️ 🌩️ ☔

🌤️Share your favorite piece of dialogue from your WIP.

Published or unpublished? Because have so much favorite dialogue from all of the published chapters. And not much to choose from for Ch. 8. So I guess I'll do one of each.

The first is from Chapter 5, where Erik has just played her an excerpt from his new composition and Christine is feeling quite inferior to him, as an artist. She says that she has no genius of her own. Which Erik is of course very offended by:

"You must never forget that skilled as I am, though I say it myself, I am not so powerful as to be able to imbue talent where there was none before. I am only able to foster what nature has already gifted you. Do you understand me? And please say that you do, Christine, for you must know—know—that it is not in my nature to lie about music to spare anyone's feelings; even yours."

And then I don't have much dialogue at all written for Ch. 8, but this kind of connects to the above incident:

"Father always said he wasn't really talented," she sobbed quietly. "He said he simply practiced well. When he would tell me of the Angel of Music, I asked if he'd ever heard the Angel, and he shook his head and told me that he'd never been so blessed."

And Erik connects this with the fact that Christine did the exact same thing earlier in the evening.

🌩️ Share something funny/cracky from your WIP.

OK its not terribly funny, per se. I've been forced to confront today that I just don't do a lot of comedy in my writing. Except perhaps for the passage in chapter 5 where Erik mentally calls Carlotta a "contemptible cow" and then considers making her "moo" instead the next time.

But this is a scrap I have written for a future chapter:

Only Meg Giry had made any effort in those first few months to befriend her, and that had been an exercise in understanding when Christine required her solitude. That must have been quite an effort for little Meg, curious and nosy as she was. More than once he'd had to hold closed some hatch or panel which Meg had sniffed out to prevent her from confirming her discovery. She was a chronic pebble in his shoe.

☔Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

Ah okay this is actually excellent. Yes.

So I've been reading Driven by the wonderful and lovely TryingNotToLoveYou, where each chapter is named after and accompanied by lyrics from a different Depeche Mode song. Now I LOVE Depeche Mode. Every fic (published or WIP) that I've ever thought of for poto has a title taken from a DM song. It's just such PotO music.

One song in particular has always stood out to me: A Question of Time, in which the narrator expresses his fear and concern for a young girl and how it won't be long before "They" (this can be interpreted to mean men specifically or society in general) start to take advantage of her. He says "I've got to get to you first, before they do". The song also contains the lyrics "I'll take you under my wing; somebody should" which of course brings to mind "The Angel of Music has her under his wing".

This song was released in 1985 and my idea is for a movie based 1985 AU where a young Christine is an aspiring singer who gets signed to Erik’s record label.

I would love to write this fic. The problem is, its more of a vibe, an atmosphere, than an actual story in my head. I don't think I could write a story for any time period after 1918 to be perfectly honest.

In some ways I feel like I have a better understanding of life-patterns older periods. And the 80's would be particularly tough for me because its kind of in the middle as far as history goes. Its not far enough back to feel like fantasy-land but just far enough back that I wasn't alive yet and I don't even have a firm enough grasp of life in the 90's to fall back on (I was born in 95). So even though I'm probably the most familiar with the 80's out of any period in the mid-20th century pop-culturally, I still feel unqualified. And as for plot? Beyond this starting point, I have no idea where I would even start. I can't imagine writing any kind of long-fic, especially a modern!AU one. When the Longing Returns is actually just a short fic that has been stretched out by my excessive wordiness 😅😂

[light-lanterne]

hi ✨💖 i love your writing ❤️ can you briefly explain the titles of your stories? they are very interesting! 🥰💕

hello ! thank you so much~! glad you like my stuff :] i'll try to keep it brief~

🌷 the darkest eyes: this is just a random name, tbh. there's no grand message or complex metaphor; it's just a reference to mike's eye colour as perceived by hopper.

🕰️ the trees are growing restless: so, these are actually the lyrics of the 1994 song 'summer dying fast' by cradle of filth, one of my absolute favourite extreme metal bands. to be completely honest, i was just listening to the song as i worked on the first chapter so the lyrics don't fully fit the story. that said, i think they do fit the last scene of the show rather well~

i watch the storm approaching, the darkness calls my name. the trees are growing restless, they feel the season change. their fruit has putrified, forbidden once and bound to die. the thread of life lies severed on the brink of paradise. grinning winds of hate unfurled. dash towers tall that grip the sun. talons stretch her veil. reclamation, our time has come…

🐈‍⬛ maybe i was destined to—: more lyrics! these are for the song 'strangers' by bring me the horizon. these fit the mood a bit more~ if you search for it, please mind the video. it's very creepy :S

break me down, break me down, make me get better. i confess that i'm a mess, some kind of error. well, maybe i was destined to disappear. we're just a room full of strangers looking for something to save us; alone together, we're dying to live and we're living to die. it never stops, can't erase this, so cross out my eyes, tear the pages. 'cause you and i, we're just dying to live and we're living to die. where did we go? we're all alone, all alone. no place like home; take us back to yesterday. sos, save us from ourselves.

🎻 4'33'': this is another musical one, albeit weirder. it's a reference to an experimental composition of the same name, conceived in 1947 by john cage. i think it's best if you look for it if you want to understand what type of song it is; the meaning and correlation to the story should be relatively clear once you listen to it~!

🕊️ sin deep, my darling angel: another reference to cradle of filth! this is a slight variation from 'sin deep my wicked angel', a rather beautiful and haunting instrumental piece from 2001~ i changed it so it fit the theme better :]

🦇 when our hearts lie six feet under: uh,,, another cradle of filth one x.x listen, their lyrics are beautiful, okei? this is from 2021, from their song 'necromantic fantasies'

when the moon is full and the wolves howl in the forest, would you take my hand and lead us both on our final voyage? would we share our dreams, those necromantic fantasies? really, could we ever be apart when our hearts lie six feet under?

fun fact, the title of the song has a double meaning: the obvious interpretation about dark arts, and a play on words! necro (death) + romantic = a romance that can only happen in death~ i thought it fit the vampire theme rather well

💐 how many tears to nurture a rose: ,,,yeah, uh,,, hi. my name is angel and i get hyperfixated on things x.x anyway, more cradle of filth !! the song (also from 2021) has the same title, but this one doesn't really fit the story all that well :( alas, it was a great title for the concept so here we are !

i did try to use some lyric from another song, 'discourse between a man and his soul', but it's far too dramatic of a title for this story x.x these lyrics are very pretty and fitting, thought~

oh my beautiful friend, i will love thee until the end is nigh. and in time, i'll find thee in my arms on the vast other side.

🔪 ...but here is one: okay, we have escaped the hyperfixation~ we're still on the songs, though. this is from the 1995, stunning song 'all flowers in time bend towards the sun', by jeff buckley and elizabeth fraser. it's an unreleased little song, very intimate and tender, and it's referenced in one of my main inspirations for this story, 'the cat lady'.

all flowers in time bend towards the sun. i know you say that there's no-one for you, but here is one.

in the game itself, it's mentioned by one of the main characters, who is trying to get through to our very depressed protagonist. she's essentially letting our protagonist know that some day she will find happiness, and that she's there for her~

🚀 until the stars all fall down: last but not least ! another song one, this is from the soundtrack of the inspiration game itself, it's called 'everything's alright', by laura shigihara. i shan't spoil too much of it; just know it plays at perhaps the most emotional moment of the game x.x

when this world is no more, the moon is all we'll see. i'll ask you to fly away with me. until the stars all fall down, they empty from the sky. but I don't mind, if you're with me, then everything's alright.

edit: the story is now called “telomeres”. it's a reference to the sleep token song of the same name.

and that's that ! i hope this isn't too long x.x thanks for the question and for being so sweet~!

[deep-hearts-core]

2015 - semifinal 2

originally posted 5/24/20

Lithuania I'm feeling the love... this is such a cute entry and probably one of my favorite Lithuanian entries too. Vaidas and Monika have great onstage chemistry and are so sweet to watch. This entry is lighthearted and I love the country vibe, the bright, cheery staging, and of course the same sex kiss lol! Ireland Europe did this one so dirty. Playing With Numbers is a beautiful song and Molly has a really lovely, soft voice that pairs well with it. I do think the staging was a little crowded though. Could have done without the string players and the drummer onstage. San Marino A little sad, as are most of San Marino's other entries. Anita and Michele aren't exactly gifted vocalists, and they lack the stage presence possessed by Serhat and Valentina. Montenegro Probably the best Montenegrin entry out of everything they've sent to Eurovision. Palatable Balkan-pop (Zeljko's composition skills were well put to use here!) with absolutely just beautiful staging and a personable performer who really knows how to make the stage and song work for him.

Malta Powerful vocals and a pretty good song, actually. Warrior, however, does have the dubious distinction of being - for me, at least - the most forgettable song in the 2015 contest. Maybe that's due to sharing a name with the more impressive Georgian entry, maybe Muxu just didn't write a good song, I don't know. Either way, in a weaker year I could see this qualifying, but 2015 and semi-final 2 were just so full of great songs that this ended up getting lost in the shuffle. Norway Beautiful, and clever, and all in all a strong entry from Norway. Morland is such a great songwriter. I do think, though, that Debrah's vocals either weren't up to it on the night or weren't a good fit for the song. Not that I'm saying Morland should have performed it himself - it is definitively a duet - but I wonder if another female singer might have done better.

Portugal Another one that got screwed over by Europe! Portugal usually sends artsy, avant-garde shit, and I usually hate it, but I really love this one. It has an honest vibe that's usually absent in Portuguese entries, which to me often seem conceited. Portugal continues to be a hipster in 2015, but it's good hipster music, with a charming instrumental, lovely melody line, and enticing, dark staging. Can't believe this didn't make it through. Czechia Fun fact: I've been to that bridge where they filmed their postcard! Yeah, so Marta and Vaclav are both really amazing singers and hopefully we will see one or both of them back for Czechia in the future with a stronger song... Hope Never Dies isn't a bad song, just doesn't leave a strong impression. The staging, too, was really just boring. Israel I understand the hype around Golden Boy in theory. It's not a bad song, and its left-side placing and enduring popularity in Israel attest to that. It just doesn't line up with anything I like. Nadav's stage presence doesn't help - he's good at the dance and all but he just looks uncomfortable in his own damn skin. Latvia Love Injected is really everything I want in a Eurovision song. Firstly, it had great staging - good use of lights, the space, and the wall screen. Secondly, beautifully written, creative song. Thirdly, Aminata's incredible vocals that are at times soft and delicate and at times very strong. There's nothing here I don't love, except maybe the neckline on that dress.

Azerbaijan While this is an OK song with a strong vocalist, the staging ruins everything. Specifically, those dancers. Azerbaijan is trying to be artsy here but it falls totally flat, because while the dancers are Talented, I Guess, the routine just looks ugly. Iceland Objectively, Unbroken is very bad, with middle of the road staging and poor vocal choices from Maria. Too bad, I love it anyway. It's a pretty song (although better in Icelandic) and Maria is just so cute up there onstage, I want to protect her. Sweden K, I'll defend this one with my life. I actually like it as a winner! It's not the most original composition ever, but it sure is a good one, especially once aided by Sweden's continually good staging and Mans' general good vibes. He's a good singer, and you can also tell that he's really happy to be here. Switzerland Can't believe this placed last. Not a bad song from Melanie Rene, and I thought the staging was great, with the light-up drums and the outfit and the general atmosphere of the stage. Tbh I understand this scoring dead last even less than I understand Portugal and Ireland not qualifying... what was Europe thinking?

Cyprus Everything about this song bores me to tears. It's alright I guess but there's nothing special about it, it doesn't go anywhere, it just sort of exists. I hate it for that. Slovenia Good composition, but not a fan of Marjetka's voice, or her dress. The rest of this is good though, good staging - I really like the invisible violin - and as I've already said a nicely done song from Raay. Poland Pretty, this. Not a huge standout in terms of quality but I like the song and Monika's voice and presence, and I enjoyed the staging too. I liked the cherry blossoms, I thought they were pretty. My personal qualifiers Latvia Sweden Portugal Lithuania Ireland Norway Switzerland Montenegro Poland Czechia

Miscellaneous thoughts Alice is speaking so much French? I believe she's bilingual if the German commentary is to be believed but yeah this is a level of French we so rarely get in the contest anymore That compilation of voting disasters was so funny??? I crack up every time I see Lena's "TEN POINTS GO TO DENMARK".

[thesinglesjukebox]

RAYE FT. 070 SHAKE, "ESCAPISM"

What better time to celebrate skill and talent than during Amnesty here at The Singles Jukebox!

[8.29]

Matias Taylor: The year's grandest hit single is a tour-de-force not only for Raye as a songwriter and vocalist, dissecting grief and heartbreak into the year's most devastating hook ("I don't want to feel like I did last night"), but also for producer Mike Sabath, whose claustrophobic soundscape of piercing riffs and frantic percussion coils itself around her, matching and suffocating the song as it grows in intensity and sex-and-drugs desperation to escape having to feel in the moment. Then enters 070 Shake, ghost-like offering grim wisdom that provides little relief ("I'll be naked when I leave and I was naked when I came"), before the song turns inside out and exhausts itself right on cue. They don't make 'em like this every day. [10]

Rose Stuart: I first heard this in December 2022, when I was feeling quite down on the current state of music. It had been one too many years of perfectly pleasant-sounding songs that were more white noise than music; songs that you could vaguely remember but made you feel nothing. And then along came "Escapism." with it's wailing synth that sounds like ambulance sirens and a drum beat that makes the blood pound in your ears. It's a song that from the very first note forces a visceral reaction out of you, and only grows more dizzying as it speeds up, slows down, splits, and comes back together. More than anything, in a time when songwriters are taking 'leave them wanting more' a bit too much to heart, "Escapism." has honest to god parts: intros, outros, choruses and post choruses, even musical intervals that make every second of its 4:33 minute run time feel earned. Still, not once does it lose you, because each part no matter how seemingly disconnected is a variance on the same musical theme. An increasing number of songs are slapping together whatever ideas they have and calling it a day, but "Escapism." is deftly composed, growing into a symphony of drunken depression. Even a couple of lyrical missteps can't keep it down. This is why, even though music has been picking up in recent months, "Escapism." is the song I keep coming back to. It's the anthem of bad times, and more than any other encapsulates 2023. [10]

Leah Isobel: As a longtime Raye booster and impassioned advocate for the destruction of major labels, "Escapism." offers a narrative consummation that is practically irresistible: prodigy-level pop talent publicly breaks free of restrictive label contract after years of limbo, then scores the biggest hit of her career with a baroque banger that feels diametrically opposed to radio trends. (Never mind the TikToks.) More to the point, the song feels engineered to show off the skills that Raye honed during her time with Polydor -- the dynamic vocal performance careening from conversational Cockney back phrases to delicate, precise vibrato; the songwriting that stacks tiny Instagrammable hooks in every corner. It's a bravura performance and an incredibly gutsy and vulnerable bit of Grand Guignol pop. But its splattery undertones don't quite sit right; it doesn't escape me that the Raye single that crossed over wasn't the vengeful rage-banger but the one that lets us witness her implosion without needing to think about why it's happening. Still, after years and years of denial, I can't fault Raye for excess. [7]

Nortey Dowuona: You need somebody to push the bounds. Raye is that someone. It's become pretty clear every other artist doing pop is just doing the bare minimum from songwriting to composition to vocals -- just enough to count as one song. But Raye has compressed 6 years of hooky, accessible pop tunes into one jagged, wizzing pop, that wiggles out from her fists as a sneering whine, which morphs into a desperate prayer, that waits behind the off-key synth line which melts over the soft breakbeat drums, then IN COMES THE BASS. And I'm already acting like a dick, so you might as well stick it in. It's been 50 years since rap cohesion began and if Raye is one of the first to shatter it beyond repair by attaching a fantastic performance from 070 "DON'T CALL ON SOCIAL MEDIA" Shake, who traps the ennui in her amber voice, then cracks as Raye feels the 4/4 pound in her head, a last desperate cry to cling to life, then so be it. Raye has been forced (ACTUALLY forced) into adherence to every rule and boundary we demand of pop music, popular musicians and of the industry and for one shining moment, she has taken the sharp edges of those boundaries and cut them out of her head -- and ours. The bounds have now been pushed -- off a cliff. It's time to feel out a new way. [10]

Katherine St Asaph: There's "Novacane" in here, obviously, and Amy Winehouse and Rated R. And there are actually multiple layers of escapism here. The B-section doesn't cut to the feeling so much as deflect it with vocal prowess; those "doctor, doctor" lines in that voice deflect it further with cliche. Every time that B-section rolls around, you just want the hedonism back, the Beyoncéan swag, the lyrics that fall out brash and shard-sharp and faster than the pain does, the siren synths and night-luxe chords, the bad behavior recounted with immediacy and allure. Which is just it, isn't it? Check the YouTube graph: everyone else replays the first section too. Isn't it convenient how "2019" rhymes with so many preceding years? [9]

Taylor Alatorre: Much of My 21st Century Blues, from the title on down, feels like a lost album from 2014 that was shelved for accounting reasons, and "Escapism." is no exception. With its mix of soulful piano chords and mellow hip hop sass, its tales of regretful hedonism, its "ironic" luxury name-drops, and its "not like the other girls" energy, it would fit comfortably on a radio playlist between Tove Lo and John Newman. But unlike the sad party songs of that era, which in part were a reaction to the excesses of peak EDM, "Escapism." seems to exist in a universe of its own, unconcerned with trends, though laced with enough relatable truths to become trendy in spite of itself. The retro-contemporary stylings don't grate as much as they otherwise would because they never threaten to upstage Raye herself, whose single overriding concern is to tell a story of disenchanted young adulthood -- something that will never go out of style. [6]

John S. Quinn-Puerta: A Jason Bourne credits nothing of a song that thinks pitch shifting is creativity. Done before, done better, done to death. [3]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Not quite as thrilling of a B-movie as it wants to be -- I keep expecting Raye to hit another gear but instead there's just 070 Shake doing her haunted cyborg shtick. [6]

Brad Shoup: There's a very conscious sweep here -- lyrical motifs and beat switchups and the earth-swallowing pitched-down mumble that indicates Decision Paralysis -- so it's fascinating that Raye spends the first half in Golden Age storyteller mode. "A little context if you care to listen/I find myself in a shit position" -- that's basically a Slick Rick opener (Tons of bars here, almost none by Shake.) Raye ends on a line about dancefloor drums but it's the classic hip-hop kick (and a siren-like synth figure that could have been crafted by the RZA) that nudges this from the depths everyone here is bent on plumbing. [7]

Harlan Talib Ockey: It's really funny seeing Genius trying to force this into a standard pop song structure when it is very much not. I instinctively want to compare this to an operatic aria or a story song, but what makes "Escapism." special isn't just its narrative, it's the way it careens between sections in a drunken haze. Raye's narrator is even self-aware, starting in medias res, telling us she's backing up with "a little context", and then carrying on. In fact, she heads "back to the intro, back to the bar" a lot. Raye's voice reels through several different reference points and accents, acing both numb debauchery and haunting desperation. (And a genuinely mystifying pronunciation of "doctor, doctor".) The twisting screech in the production never fully feels in sync with anything else, a powerfully unsettling choice. Once we'd reached the runtime of a typical 2023 pop single, I was wondering how we could possibly fit a whole 070 Shake feature in here. She ends up as the voice of oblivion, darkness at the core of stupor that shows what looks like escapism is a sprint towards self-destruction. [10]

Jackie Powell: When I heard "Escapism" for the first time on the radio over six months ago, I was drawn to the way Raye sang the word "doctor." She introduces the listener to her mixed head voice on that word and manages to allow her South London accent to trickle in. Her diction on that one word drew me in. I hadn't really heard someone sing that way before. It was memorable. Sure, the way Raye sang that word was my personal hook into the song, but that's not the central nervous system of "Escapism." The beat is infectious, indicating the moments in the track when Raye is at her most confident and fervent. When the Mike Sabath beat halts, Raye and 070 Shake are forced to reflect upon what they actually are feeling. They can't hide behind how infectious and how great the beat feels in the current moment. When the beat is stripped away, the reflection occurs. The alcohol has worn off. The beat takes the pain away just like how Raye wants it to be. But she knows better, that escape from pain is only temporary. [9]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: Escape from what and how, exactly? On its surface, "Escapism." is just another song about masking the pain of a break-up using drugs and alcohol--but it also finds itself at the center of all of the narratives around power, abuse, and addiction that have dominated Raye's career. Two years ago when we last covered her, she had just cried out to her fans, "I have come an expert at hiding my tears and my pain and I wanted to talk about it today." Her label Polydor Records had been gaslighting her about releasing an album for seven years, threatening her, and forcing her to change her sound. (Now that "Escapism." has gone #1 in the UK with Raye as an independent artist, I hope they feel foolish.) Years before, when she was 7, 21, 17, and 11, she had been sexually assaulted by record producer. Still determined to pursue her musical career, but unsure how to manage this all, along with growing body dysmorphia, she turned to alcohol and opiates. All of these perspectives inform "Escapism.," which Raye has said is about "Chasing a maze of smoke and mirrors because clarity is bitterly intimidating." The breathlessly-paced verses are about the recklessly going clubbing alone; the chorus is an aching plea for mercy and permanent dissociation. Raye performance is straight-up theater-girl, dark, gripped by last-minute key changes, soaring highs, and devastating lows. This was the first 2023 track I sang in the shower, holding my phone reading the lyrics, determined to emulate her delivery: making sure to draw out the syllables in "all of my diamonds are dripping on him," and "I left everyone I love on read." "Escapism." works as at least a quadruple entendre, but it's musical meaning, perhaps the cheesiest and least literal, is the most important for me. But Raye couldn't have summed it up better herself: "I think music, on the whole, is escapism for us. I listen to music to escape or elevate out of anything. That's one of the most important purposes of music -- to feel good, sad or aided in processing any necessary emotion." [10]

Kayla Beardslee: I saw Raye live in October, and when she closed with this song, I kept thinking about what an unlikely hit "Escapism" is. It's four-and-a-half minutes long, the title isn't said once, and the lyrics are extremely dense, so fast and wordy they're almost overwhelming. It's a grim, gritty song where Raye deliberately shows her audience the worst sides of her; it's also a song for the songwriting nerds, swells and ebbs in the arrangement mirroring the emotional turmoil of the lyrics, that has no intention of watering itself down to be more accessible. Yet it became her breakout smash anyway. Why? Because Raye is a goddamn star, that's why, and the rest of the world is at fault for taking so long to catch up. Of course her biggest hit to date is one of the most idiosyncratic songs in her discography: no one else could have pulled off "Escapism" quite like Raye does, either as writer or performer, and that's why it resonates despite all the complexities that on paper would seem to drag it down. Occasionally, talented people do get the recognition they deserve, and occasionally, the best songs do become hits. It doesn't happen as often as it should, so when the moment comes along, you've got to make sure to celebrate it. [9]

Ian Mathers: No comment. [10]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[cyborghexapus]

A little thing about media and art I have on my mind.

I finished Lifeline - Voice Action Adventure for the PS2 today. It took me 12 hours (in game time) and I found 14 out of 16 'chips', almost unlocking every minigame. I want to talk about this little game, and I'll try to keep it short.

The game initially intrigued me for multiple reasons. The overall aesthetic (very Y2K, with some anime-esque elements in general tone and composition) is something that I 'vaguely' grew up around as a kid, even if I didn't experience much of it directly, and the fact that this is a PS2 exclusive, that is almost entirely controlled with your voice is just… cool, ya'know?

But the more I looked into the game (after I first saw famous internet funny man Jerma play it), the thing I saw dominating the identity of this game the most was twitch streamers and/or youtubers getting mad at the game and it's admittedly hard to wrangle voice controls. I get it; I've already been told by many people that I probably have more patience for this than most people.

And… yeah. Probably. But on top of that… even in spite of elements like the 'relationship' between Rio and 'The Operator' (player character) which includes, at times, mild flirtation or you, the player, asking her to do a "sexy pose"… I just couldn't bring myself to hate the game. Or, even dislike it.

Maybe this comes from my experience of having made something flawed, which I actively regret looking back on (and am actively remaking into something I personally think is better). Wherever it comes from, I see this game as a try. A genuine try, regardless of how many people (other than myself) like it.

And… to be honest… I don't really see much of any media or art as 'good' or 'bad'. Or, I guess, at least not in the same way as other people tend to, especially in mainstream conversations about things like that. They aren't objective things. In fact, I'd even argue there's very little, if anything, objective about the craft of any medium of art, even games.

Especially in games. I've seen plenty of people talk about games as 'objectively fun' and I'm sure most people I've seen talk that way mean it as a joke… but as I've gotten older, it's gotten harder and harder for me to tell when they are joking. Especially in scenarios when I like something "no one else" likes. Like… Lifeline.

I could say 'enjoyment's subjective' and leave it at that, but that feels so empty to me. I want to see more things - not just games - that aren't just clean. I wanna rewatch Andrei Tarkovsky's 'The Mirror' for the first time again. I wanna share and laugh and cry and think about things that aren't just… products first. Products, that follow seemingly ever confusing rules about what's """fun""". Or """good""".

I know I'm not alone in this, but… I guess like with Lifeline… I don't really know how to talk about it much either.

[darlingpwease]

Adjskdsnk ur right, I should've thought this through– I'll take responsibility for them(?) and take a ton of jobs /j

Both!!

It's a surreal circle!! /j

I'm flattered, my dear <333 makes me really happy to hear that!!!

:O really?? Well I'm curious now!! I'll happily wait until u can think of a way /t /pos

AH, really??

Dove ur really too amazing and sweet <333 I'm so happy to hear that!! (��^∇^)ﾉ /gen

But wouldn't that be a hassle for you?? I feel like that would just be much more work than you need

Aawwww ily bubba <333

Oh! Okay,,, I'll try to make them look less intimidating in the future then (idk exactly how but I'll try /gen)

Mi amor, eres demasiado bueno. Voy a morder si quieres <33 /t /hgen

Me alabas más que suficiente ¡Necesito elogiarte más, en mi opinión!

¡¿Solo una opción?! ...Pero puedo quedarme, no me importa. /t

¡Si, si! Ya tengo mi caja, solo necesito entrar en esa caja.

-panna cotta

as you should!!! take responsibility for all these written-babies and make sure that there will be even more of them & not try to run away from us!!! </333 it would be very mean to these innocent tiny (and not only) things!!! /j /t

you can always hide in my arms, мой ягодный<333 /pos

perhaps... this circle was generated by the surrealism of what is happening??? oh gosh— /j

absolutely, dear <3

this is not the first time I need to think about your you — and I don't like this trend; sometimes it seems as if one day you will send me a message and I will answer "I will do it later" because I just can't think of an answer shdgshdhhdhd.

I mean, you know, I have a lot of thoughts, but they are so confusing and complex in composition (for example, about "it's so sweet that my teeth hurt") that I just can't physically reduce them and I'm embarrassed that I'll be weird with them </3

like, you know, if I were a tooth fairy, I wouldn't take this tooth and make them always hurt so you'd be careful with your sweet and charming behavior towards me, I have a weak heart for cuties and you're a cutie!!! </3333 /pos /hj

you would do me a favor if you agreed, to be honest, since this is a new blog and it's very new, so moderate activity would convince tumblr that this blog is not a bot and it doesn't need to be shadowbanned </3 on the other hand, you would see many awkward sides like blog settings or how I will move posts back and forth to arrange it normally & it is less than a week old, so posts will not be shown in the general feed—

it would be convenient for me to throw posts with ideas/works here as a screenshot or text, while we could communicate there if you have any concerns about other readers. it's not too long — I often throw works back and forth until I figure out where to place them better, so it's not really a problem.

on the other hand HAHA you can catch a blog with darker works there, since I wanted to use it to save if I really like the post, because I already really like what I have </33333

however, it doesn't sound very convenient for you? I mean, tracking one blog for works/ideas/other interactions and a second blog just for us sounds a bit draining. of course, if you plan to stay with me, you will show up there anyway, since I want to leave this blog if there are too many of us, but until that happens, we can continue here <3 whatever is more convenient for you, my my♡

i love you too, sweetest cotta <3

you don't need to!!! I like it anyway (especially since it's now my favorite message so I'll only be glad to get more of the same, you were very prettyfull <3333 /pos /ht)

ох ох ох, ты просто хочешь чтобы я сказала это вслух, не так ли? ты просто хочешь, чтобы эта искренняя кроха сказала в слух что им понравится если ты укусишь их </3 как подло с твоей стороны, дорогой, учитывая что ты уже знаешь ответ и он не отрицателный. поговори со мной ласково и я соглашусь на что угодно, тебе необязательно вести себя как джентельменский лис-соблазнитель /t /pos

хехехе, ну если ты настаиваешь.... /t /<3

моя голубушка, какой ужас, ты совсем не жадный!!! ты совсем не жадный или ты не заинтересованный достаточно, и я не знаю, что из этого хуже </333 /t /hj

конечно, мой ласковый, конечно; ты скоро окажешься в своей симпатичной коробке и все будет хорошо. самое место для такой очаровательной милашки как ты это и есть милая удобная коробка, в которой есть все необходимое, верно? она большая и тихая, так что тебе будет хорошо в ней <3333 /pos /affectionate