#And does all the fun improv and impressions and humor I so adored from best friend B

[hiddenbysuccubi]

Seamus (out of the blue): Right, Jules? Me: .... right? Seamus: I'm gonna start calling you Jules. Can I call you Jules? Me: ... yes you can call me Jules.

[ultrahpfan5blog]

No Time To Die - A strong departure for a fantastic Bond

So there is no secret to the fact that Craig's Bond tenure has had a mixed critical response. Casino Royale and Skyfall are considered in the top 5 Bond films of all time by many. Given that there are now 25 Bond films, that is an impressive achievement for any single Bond actor. Unfortunately they are also offset by the fact that Quantum of Solace and Spectre are largely considered disappointments. I think this is partly because of the incredible reception of their respective predecessors. I don't dislike either of them and I enjoy them for the most part, while recognizing their flaws but they are noticeably inferior to Casino Royale and Skyfall. So No Time to Die comes with pressure of sending Craig's Bond, who has been brilliant through the his movies' highs and lows, off on a strong note. Having watched the movie, I will say that it is a significant improvement over Spectre and definitely a strong end to Craig's Bond era, even if it may not hit the heights of Casino Royale and Skyfall. I would say its a lot closer in quality to the CR and Skyfall than it is to Spectre and QoS.

I don't want to reveal any spoilers for the film but so can't say much about the plot, but given its the longest Bond film by almost 20 mins, it doesn't feel like it. Its actually a film where you get consistently invested in the plot and the characters. There are lots of returning characters and there are some good new characters who add a lot to the movie. The film pays tribute to Bond movies of the past, like films like OHMSS as well as previous Craig era Bond films.

The action in the film is excellent. I would say in terms of action, it is second maybe only to Casino Royale. There is a visceral nature to it. There is a sequence set in Cuba that is particularly brilliant. The pre-credits scenes are again fantastic. The film has an opening that is basically straight out of a horror movie and is really brilliant. That is followed by an exceptional sequence in Italy which has been foreshadowed in the trailers. There are strong action scenes littered throughout the film.

Lea Seydoux returns as Madeleine as the only Bond girl to every make a reappearance. I have to admit that I was a little worried because I wasn't completely sold on the chemistry between Craig and Seydoux in Spectre and that romance kind of came out of nowhere. However, I think they are much better together in this movie. I think their scenes together are much better written and the actors feel like they are more comfortable in their character's relationship with one another. Its still not as strong as the chemistry shared with Eva Green but I feel that was lightning in a bottle type stuff which is impossible to replicate. Admittedly, there is a marked reference to Vesper, which while poignant and meaningful, does remind you of that chemistry. There is that musical cue from CR that briefly reappears in a beautiful moment. Overall, Seydoux is really good in the movie. Lashanna Lynch appears as the new 007. I am sure there will be outrage over her taking Bond's moniker but she is excellent in the role and the dynamic between her and Bond is really funny and there is the slow build up of respect between the two that is really well done. Naomie Harris is back as Moneypenny and she's strong as she has always been, although the last two films haven't given her enough to do given how she was introduced in Skyfall. One of the big highlights of the film for me was Ana De Armas in a delightful cameo during the Cuba scene. She is adorable and badass and looks amazing in the gown. You immediately want to see much more of her. She and Craig manage to replicate their fun chemistry from Knives Out during that section. Her role is quite brief but she leaves a major impact. If Amazon is interested in doing spinoffs of Bond, I would suggest to start with her character.

All the other returning cast members are terrific as well. Fiennes has a substantial role in the movie as his actions are very directly linked to the plot of the movie. He's excellent as always. Ben Whishaw is also terrific again as Q. He's been one of the big highlights of the Craig era Bond films. Again, he gets a fairly sizable role with him playing a pretty active role in climax. Rory Kinnear continues to be a welcome presence as Tanner. I'm glad he hasn't been ignored as new cast members have come in. Jeffrey Wright reappears as Felix Leiter and his presence is another highlight of the movie. Despite him having been missing from the past two films, this movie does a great job re-establishing the brotherhood between Bond and Felix and there is some great fun and emotional scenes between them.

Christoph Waltz returns as Blofeld in a brief role and he is effectively used in a pretty intense scene that evokes Hannibal Lecter. Billy Magnussen appears as a side villain who Bond has a grudge against. There is a henchmen with a robotic eye who appears throughout the film. What unfortunately drags the film down below Casino Royale and Skyfall levels is Rami Malek's Safin. He is not a strong villain for such a big movie. He has a phenomenal entry scene, but he is only present in the last act. Apart from an obsession with Madeleine and a creepy look, there is nothing really that distinguishes him from a garden variety terrorist. We don't really get to know what his ideology is and why he specifically wants to do what he does. Even Greene in QoS had a clear motive for power and control. Malek also seems a bit miscast because the role seems to be for someone who is older than he is. I guess it doesn't help that Malek generally looks young for his age. Its unfortunate because a really good villain would have made this film brilliant, but because of a lack of proper motivation besides global terror, he doesn't really hold up despite Malek's best efforts.

Daniel Craig is the glue that holds the movie together. He is absolutely outstanding here. I think this is the most relaxed he has been in the role and also the most vulnerable. It might just be his best performance out of all five films. He wears his age comfortably, not unwilling to let Bond be vulnerable, both physically and emotionally, but continuing to be an absolute badass. He also just seems to be having a lot of fun in the role. There is plenty of humor in the film and he gets a good chunk of it. He's excellent in the emotional and dramatic scenes which give the movie so much more weight towards the end of the movie. He really is the beating heart of the film. I really think they should take a sizable break from Bond after this film because Craig's shadow will be long and very difficult for a new actor without some distance. He's definitely my favorite Bond, having seen all 25 films because he has given Bond nuances and vulnerability that previous version just haven't. Its a great goodbye to him because he is phenomenal here.

Cary Fukunaga does a real strong job directing this film. Like I mentioned before, the film is never boring despite its long running time. The writing for the villain is what lets the film down but technically and performance wise, this film is terrific. It may not be the perfect send off for Craig's Bond but its an absolutely worthy send off. I'm looking forward to seeing it again to see if my opinions change a bit. For now, this is like an 8-8.5/10

[wonda-cat]

You mentioned rewriting that one analysis post on Tommy’s revival stream and I’d really look forward to it! I never got to read the full og post and that’s the only place I saw these takes. Especially the one about the afterlife being too depressing. It’s not even just about Tommy, the implication that even if every character is safe and happy by the end, this is their inevitable fate is messed up. It’s not “a neat subversion” it’s just depressing and doesn’t add anything.

Hey, anon!

I sorta decided to not rewrite it? I feel a bit differently about the essay in the end, although I still believe in most of my points. I’m also just not nearly as passionate about it as I was when I wrote it (I finished it in a single sitting, which was... interesting.) However, yes, the afterlife stuff still bothers me just the same, as well as the odd changes to Wilbur’s characterization... post mortem.

But—just for you, anon—here’s the entire meta-analysis essay anyway, with some minor edits to the stuff I don’t agree with anymore!

My Many Narrative Issues with Tommyinnit’s Revival Stream

I want to preface this by saying that I dearly love the Dream SMP and understand it isn’t exactly comparable to other mediums like TV and film. With this being the case, most criticism against it is generally in bad faith or strange in foundation. Complaining about streamers for bad acting is the best example that comes to mind. 

These aren’t professional actors. Most have never acted in this sort of setting, or even at all. Quite a few have admitted to never roleplaying before. Which is why it’s warranted to praise Tommy, Dream, Wilbur, Ranboo, and others when they deliver stellar performances. The same applies to criticism of music choice, dialogue delivery, focus, tone, etc. 

However, one such category I cannot overlook is in regards to its writing. The writing of a story is its entire foundation. It encompasses many things—conflict choice, character development, themes, and morals. The author creates the blueprints for the architect, who then expresses the story with light, sound, color, pacing, and music. It is in its execution that we see if this connection is made or broken. 

The reason I find poor writing mostly inexcusable is because it is one of the most available skills to practice and perfect. I don’t mean to say that it’s easy, I mean to say it is something anyone can attempt to cultivate. Whether they do it well or not depends on their methods and experience. If anyone can self-publish a novel and be criticized online for its quality—and even compared to the works of Mark Twain—then I find critiquing the writing of the Dream SMP to be perfectly reasonable. 

However, since the Dream SMP script is a set of loose bullet points, tearing apart dialogue and scene continuity—which is nearly all improv—is rather useless. It doesn’t exactly have a clear focus as the plot plays out. The characters talk in circles until they hit the story beat required, and then they move onto the next. Thus, when criticizing it, one should generally critique grand events and narrative-specific shifts, more so than small-scale character interactions. 

Which brings me to my main point: The broad narrative choices taken in Tommyinnit’s most recent livestream, ‘Am I dead?’ may lead to disastrous writing pitfalls in the future. 

I’ll be outlining each of my issues below, in hopes of creating a better understanding as to why I feel this way. 

This might become quite lengthy, so please bear with me for a bit.

Tommy’s relationship to Wilbur has flipped. This change is jarring and seems out of character.

Tommy and Wilbur’s friendship is rather complicated. While Wilbur does care for Tommy immensely, especially during the L’Manburg Revolution and the Election Arc, his mental spiral during exile put a massive strain on their relationship as a whole. Wilbur brushed off Tommy’s feelings and wants, while clinging to him and pushing everyone else away. He was simultaneously distant and suffocating. 

Tommy, on the other hand, has an unclear view of his mentor. Since the beginning, and even long after Wilbur’s death, Tommy held him in especially high regard. He saw him as a brother-figure and a wise leader. He followed what he said and did everything he could to impress him. Yet, Wilbur still hurt him while the two were together in exile. 

When speaking of him, Tommy tends to flip infrequently between remembering Wilbur the way he was before his mental decline and thinking of him as a monster. Both of these images conflict with each other, but they weren’t nearly as extreme as what Tommy described Wilbur as when he was revived from death. The fear Tommy displays to Wilbur is beyond intense—it feels as if the audience may have missed a month’s worth of character development. 

This can make sense, especially since it was stated that he’d spent what felt like two months in the void. However, this shift is still deeply at odds with Tommy’s previous impressions of Wilbur, which is both disheartening and confusing. The fact that Tommy would agree to stay with Dream—his abuser and murderer—over his past mentor is simply head-reeling. It paints a very different picture of Wilbur’s character, somewhat conforming to the fandom’s ableist impression of him—the idea that Wilbur is insane and irredeemable, and always will be. 

It also ignores Dream being the driving factor in Wilbur’s downfall, as well as the double-bind deal with Dream which required him to push the button, no matter the outcome. Others have pointed out that Tommy may be lying to get Dream to bring Wilbur back, and there’s compelling evidence for that. For one, Tommy and Wilbur’s conversation seemed uncomfortable, but it was certainly nothing like Tommy implied. (Unless this fear comes from something Wilbur said off-screen.) 

Tommy also begged Dream to not bring him back multiple times over, which he should know would make Dream even more tempted to, simply because he likes seeing Tommy in pain. Tommy is also a known unreliable narrator. He may be making Wilbur out to be worse than he is by accident (even still, I’d argue this is a bit of a stretch.) 

However, there are some issues with this theory. Tommy offered himself as payment to Dream if he chose to let Wilbur rest. This is a deal Tommy knows Dream is extremely unlikely to refuse. Tommy is what Dream has coveted all this time. If Tommy genuinely wanted Wilbur back, he would not offer this. This sort of compromise is Tommy’s greatest nightmare—something he would only do in response to his friends being threatened or his home being destroyed. 

To add, Tommy is not great at lying. Unless he was taught by Wilbur for those two months* in the afterlife, there’s no chance Tommy would be this good at it. Thirdly, Tommy is terrible under pressure. He uses humor to cope. When he can’t, he cries and shouts and spills his heart out. While cornered, Tommy will tell the truth about anything, especially if Dream casually debates killing him again, just for fun. 

For now, it’s too early to tell how the relationship shift will play out. In the grand scheme of things, this issue is rather minor.

Season three’s writing is needlessly bleak. The portrayal of the afterlife is a nightmare. There is no rest, not even in death.

I adore the Dream SMP storyline in its entirety. I believe the first season is fantastic, and while the second season has some narrative clarity issues, I enjoyed it just as much. Although, I would argue season one had a more concrete understanding of its Hope-Conflict balance. 

To briefly explain, the Hope in stories are its ‘highs’ and good moments. These appear when a character the audience is rooting for is narratively rewarded. They happen during character building in the text—it’s the downtime and peace that allows for connection and relatability. It’s a moment for the viewer to breathe easy. 

The other half is Conflict, an obstacle in the story that gets in the way of the main characters’ goals, beliefs, and motives. These are the ‘lows.’ They give the narrative focus and weight. They make the highs feel even higher. They establish consequences and force the characters in the story to change in order to adapt and overcome them. 

I bring up the Hope-Conflict balance because a traditional hero’s journey would have an appropriate amount of both. Their highs and lows are generally equalized, as the name suggests. However, this balance has been awkwardly skewed in the latter half of season two and in the current plot of season three. To clarify, it is perfectly reasonable, and even common, for some stories to tip the scale more to one side. 

But a common mistake for amateur writers is to create their stories as either hopelessly dark to cause the audience continuous distress for the sake of distress, or to keep everything entirely conflict-free for most of the plot. What do these both have in common? They each make the story boring and predictable. 

Season three has taken this concept and thrown a monstrously heavy weight onto the Conflict side and flipped the scale so hard it has crashed through the ceiling. The viewers are hardly given time to find any joy in Tommy’s character, as he’s thrown into yet another abusive situation, just barely after his first narrative reward. The world is painted as relentlessly violent and traumatic. 

Every person Tommy meets is morally grey, unhinged, or out to hurt him. Everything most of the characters love is taken from them by those in positions of power. Ranboo cannot even grieve properly because it scars his face. Puffy, Sam, Ranboo, and Tubbo all blame themselves for what happened to Tommy. 

The audience watches lore stream after lore stream with the same depressing tone (with the exception of Tubbo’s, but I assume that’s unintentional.) Tommy is revived after being brutally beaten to death by his abuser, surrounded by all of his greatest fears. The afterlife is revealed to be akin to inescapable torture. It’s a colorless void that wraps the individual like fabric. 

Time moves thirty times slower within. There’s nothing—nothing but the voices of others who’ve passed on before him. Dying in a world already devoid of happiness takes the characters to a place worse than hell. When a narrative delivers unfair suffering to the entire cast without a moment of joy to speak of, the story will feel simultaneously overwhelming and pointless. 

Why watch characters suffer when there’s no light at the end of the tunnel? What happiness could they strive for when we know they’ll never get to keep it? How can I be satisfied with a good ending, if I know that an afterlife too terrible to name is what awaits them, truly, at the end of their story? Death isn’t even a white void that offers rest—it is eternal torment. 

Obviously, it isn’t a good message to send by making the afterlife seem like a quiet, perfect place or an escape from pain. But making it an unspeakable anguish which awaits, assumedly, every character who will die in the future? I deeply hope Tommy was only being an extremely unreliable narrator. 

More likely, I hope the place Tommy was taken to was a Limbo of sorts, not an end-all-be-all destination for everyone.

The degree of Tommy’s narrative punishment continues to escalate, to an almost absurd degree.

Tommy is one of the most tragic characters to exist in the storyline. He was sent into war at a young age and experienced two traumatic events during it. He was exiled by the newly elected leader and witnessed his mentor Wilbur spiral and break down with paranoia. Tubbo is executed publicly in front of him. When expressing rightful anger at the person who murdered him, he’s beaten nearly to death and never receives an apology. 

Schlatt dies right in front of Tommy, after his initial refusal to hurt the ex-president. His brother-figure and mentor is killed in assisted suicide on the same day his nation is blown up. His best friend exiles him from his home for the second time. He routinely self-sacrifices to protect his country and those who live there. His most treasured possessions were taken from him and he was called selfish for trying to retrieve them (although his methods were self-destructive and volatile.) 

He was pushed to the brink of suicide after being relentlessly abused and isolated in his exile. He was horrified when he thought he was responsible for drowning Fundy. After making an objectively good decision to stand by his old friends and change for the better, his country was obliterated by the man he once idolized, his father-figure, and his abuser. 

He was left scattered and without purpose for many days. Then he fights against Dream and loses, while also reliving his trauma. He watches Tubbo almost die at the hands of someone he once thought was his friend. He doesn’t tell a single person about what happened to him in exile. The day he tries to sever his connection to Dream and heal, he’s trapped with him for a week, surrounded by everything that terrifies him. 

He threatens to kill himself, speaking about his own life as if it were an object—something to hold over Dream’s head. He blames himself for everything bad that’s ever happened to L’Manburg and his friends—internalizing a mentality as a scapegoat for everyone around him. He is forced into the role of ‘hero’ despite the title being unfair and distressing to him.

As if that weren’t enough, he’s then beaten to death by his abuser and spends what feels like two months in an afterlife that is worse than hell. When he returns, his senses are excessively heightened. Dream can cause him excruciating pain, just by pinching him. He can send Tommy into an instant panic attack, just by raising his voice. 

The punishment Tommy’s character receives is a thousand times worse than everyone he has ever met, or ever will meet. And it shows no signs of stopping, as Dream now has control over Tommy’s very mortality. Tommy now fears the slightest damage and feels as if he’s losing his best friend all over again. He is also forced into a position where he has to kill Dream out of necessity, to protect everyone he cares about.

Characters need fitting punishments in relation to their actions. Not always, but in order to be satisfying? Yes, they do. It is preferred that a main character deal with unfair situations and difficult conflicts, but this is borderline torture p*rn. Putting Tommy in these distressing and abusive situations on repeat and punishing him for doing objectively moral or healthy things is exhausting to watch. 

To quickly add, I find the general insinuation of Tommy going to hell distasteful, especially considering the contents of his storyline. I know this may be hard to believe, but Tommy is one of the most moral characters in the plot, besides Puffy and Ghostbur. He’s also the only character, followed by Ranboo, to recognize that they can be wrong and make mistakes. He changed himself in order to heal and be a better person. He was in the process of paying people back for the things he’d stolen. 

He’s learned to be hard-working and less violent through the guidance of Sam. He has apologized to everyone he’s ever hurt (with the exception of Jack Manifold, because that man is allergic to communication.) He puts himself in harm's way to protect others. He doesn’t set out to purposely hurt anyone. He goes out of his way to make connections with people and maintain them, even if others don’t reciprocate. 

He’s hopelessly optimistic, despite his outwardly bitter façade. He loved so much and put meaning into the smallest things. The thought that a person like him—a suicide and abuse survivor—would go to hell after being beaten to death by the man who took everything from him; it makes me sick to my stomach. 

The only thing more morbid than Tommy’s afterlife being different than everyone else’s, is the concept that everyone will end up in this same eternal torture, no matter what they do. Take your pick: Tommy is sentenced to anguish until the end of time for no reason, or everyone will receive the same disturbing ending, regardless of their actions.

The narrative weight of Ranboo’s character is potentially out the window.

For the past few months, I’ve watched all of Ranboo’s lore streams faithfully, curious to see what role he would play in the future. His ‘hallucinations’ of Dream seemed to be sowing the seeds for a plot that has Ranboo taking the fall for every single insidious thing Dream has done. It would also be a tragic parallel to Tommy’s trial. 

Ranboo being convinced he was the one who blew up the community house, when Dream himself admitted to doing it, was one of the bigger indicators for me. This is just one of many other unexplained occurrences. Dream seemed to be making an effort to trigger and control Ranboo, especially after Sapnap’s prison visit. It appeared, from the way he went about this, that Dream had some grand use for Ranboo as part of his plan to be freed from Pandora’s Vault. 

However, after Tommy’s stream, the way Dream explains himself makes it seem like there was no plan besides seeing if the book worked on people. And if he didn’t after all, then what was Ranboo for? Was Ranboo unimportant? Was Ranboo just some weirdo who happened to phase out when seeing smiley faces and imagined conversations that may or may not have happened? 

I bring this up more as a worry, and much less so as an active problem in the narrative. They haven’t actually thrown Ranboo to the way-side or written themselves into a corner yet. In future streams, this could very easily be explained away or developed as more information is revealed. 

Only time will tell.

The potential for Wilbur’s future development and importance to the plot is unfeasible.

I feel as if I am the only person on earth who doesn’t want Wilbur Soot or Schlatt revived. There are many reasons for this, but one of them is not a dislike for these characters. I especially adore Wilbur, as he’s one of my all-time favorites. I don’t want either of them resurrected because their stories have already been told. They each had a fitting conclusion that ended their involvement perfectly. 

Bringing Wilbur back would especially cheapen the impact of the War of the 16th. It’s the end of a man who was brought to the absolute edge and out of desperation, shame, and self-hatred, he destroyed himself alongside his creation. Bringing him back would leave the climax of the previous story hollow. My biggest issue, however, is that a lack of story importance would likely follow his return. 

The only real impact I’d like to see is through a healing arc with Tommy, an apology to Fundy, or a confrontation with Phil/Niki. But that’s really all the potential I can realistically see. While I don’t doubt Wilbur as an agent of chaos, able to create plot out of thin air; what is he going to do now? His country is gone, his friends and family are scattered about, and his mission from the 16th is already accomplished. 

What is a well-educated, charismatic politician supposed to do in a world already broken and without nations? Read poetry to himself and cry evilly? However, this is working off the assumption that Wilbur would be returning as his old self. 

If Wilbur is resurrected as a ‘villain’ of sorts, then what? He’s not good at fighting in the slightest. He would have no materials. There are no real allies he can make, other than the arctic group. On top of that, there are already more than enough villains to last a lifetime. 

We don’t need any more, I promise. Quackity seems to already be shaping up as another antagonist, alongside Sam’s slip into darker and darker shades of moral ambiguity. We also have Philza and Techno, which are already overkill. But then we have Dream who, despite being in a prison, has the ability of selective revival. This is mercilessly overpowered, especially if he makes many allies. The dude could just bring his dead friends back so they can keep fighting forever. 

Then there’s Jack Manifold and the Crimson followers; Antfrost, Bad, and Punz. That’s not even including characters who are refusing to get involved. How are Tommy, Tubbo, and Puffy expected to do literally anything to fight back?

Dream’s experiment on Tommy implies he had no backup plan to begin with. This makes his character seem both short-sighted and foolish.

When Tommy woke up after being brought back to life, Dream sounded surprised that the revival worked at all. This instantly shatters the perception that Dream was highly intelligent and thought ahead. With just a few lines of dialogue, it’s implied that Dream killed Tommy, unsure of if the resurrection would even be possible on humans. 

Which, to risk something that important, seems unbelievably stupid. Dream needs Tommy, from his perspective. Tommy is his ‘toy,’ the one who makes everything fun. If he lost him and couldn’t get him back, what then? Oh well, everything Dream was doing was all for nothing, I guess. 

Why not attempt this experiment on literally anyone else first? Like Sapnap or Bad or, hell, even Ranboo. I suppose it could be that, as soon as Dream got the book, he experimented with it after the 16th. This appears to be insinuated with Friend and Hendry’s revival, although this is uncertain. But even then, he was still unsure of the book’s effect on a human being.

Also, this means, hypothetically, Dream’s entire plan of escape hinged on the experiment working, to begin with, and also on bringing back Wilbur if it somehow did. I find this even more ridiculous. Why Wilbur? That man couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag, let alone get through the traps in Pandora’s Vault. Even if he is intelligent after years* in the afterlife, that’s also a strange assumption. 

How do people learn things in the void? Where do they even get this knowledge? I’d honestly argue Techno is a far more competent choice than Wilbur. And even if Dream did bring him back and tell him he owed him his life, what’s to stop Wilbur from just killing him permanently? Or killing himself, continuously? 

No way would Wilbur want to be controlled by anyone, ever. The dude would sooner fuck off into the mountains and become a nomad than help a neon green bodysuit cosplay as Light Yagami.

Dream’s discussion about Sam implies that he wasn't playing any part in Dream’s plan, making Sam appear entirely incompetent and neglectful of Tommy.

Dream talked about Sam in a way that seems detached and unaffiliated. He also mentioned him being broken up about Tommy’s fate and not being aware he’s still alive. Dream not being partnered with, or not using Sam in his plan leaves many plot holes. I’ll go through each one. The initial incident was an explosion, coming from the roof of Pandora’s Vault. This did not affect the Redstone mechanism for the doors or dispensers. 

Meaning, Sam could’ve had Tommy leave the way that was expected for visitors after he investigated and found no issues. This likely couldn’t have been done in less than a day, but it would be better than an entire week. If Tommy was required to stay for longer, due to protocol, he could’ve gotten Tommy out and then placed him in one of the minor cells for the remainder of the time. 

Also, no one else lost a canon life for leaving via the splash potion of harming and returning outside the maximum-security cell; why would Tommy? To add, Sam being uninvolved means that the explosion could have only been caused by Ranboo or Foolish. That, or it was placed long before and timed for the moment Tommy entered the main cell. (I’m going to ignore how ludicrous it is that someone would know the exact time Tommy would’ve entered the room with Dream.) 

If Ranboo was the person behind the detonation, this implies he was necessary for Dream to kill Tommy to test the book. But that makes it even stranger. If this was Dream’s goal all along, why not kill Tommy the instant he was trapped with him? It makes no sense for him to wait so long. 

Sam is also directly at fault for not letting Tommy out, even after the week was up. There was no reason not to. He already knew there were no issues with the prison at that point. Although, to be fair to Sam, his character may have been paranoid and checking everything more than necessary, just in case. But this still isn’t a good excuse for him ignoring protocol in this one instance, and yet, not in any of the others. 

All of these plot holes or inconsistencies would be removed if it was revealed that Dream was blackmailing Sam in some way, or Sam had been working with him since the get-go. That Sam was the person who set off the explosion in the first place to trap Tommy inside. It would also explain Sam’s refusal to let Tommy out and by keeping him in there for longer than necessary. 

This can also coexist with Sam’s attachment and care for Tommy. He probably wasn’t told about Dream’s plan to test the book and genuinely believed Dream wouldn’t hurt him. On top of that, Dream is known to be a pathological liar, so his statements about Ranboo and Sam could be entire fabrications. 

Who knows?

The Book of Revival invalidates death entirely. The narrative now lacks both tension and consequence.

Another way the Dream SMP differs from other storytelling media is in the way it goes about its character deaths. In a TV show, for example, there will be characters who die just because, or when it’s important to the plot. However, it seems as if the Dream SMP is hesitant to commit to killing its characters. And there are many reasons for that. 

The most important one being, killing someone’s character excludes them from the story and some of their livelihoods depend on them regularly streaming on the server. There is also the issue of the cast becoming extremely sparse if characters keep dying. Typically, in stories, when you kill a character, you should introduce another. 

This keeps the cast from dwindling as the storyline goes on. This means the writers would have to find new streamers to join, who will develop their own characters and relationships with the plot’s continued momentum. This can be stressful and daunting to those who may be newly added in the future. 

Keeping this in mind, the Book of Revival is annoying from a writer’s perspective. When death is no longer an issue for a story hinged on its characters’ mortality, then what do you have as a consequence anymore? We’ve explored every kind under the sun; from abuse, to betrayal, to loss, to destruction. 

In stories, traditionally, death is a finality. It’s a conclusion. Whether it’s good or not depends on the character’s actions, its build-up, and the event’s execution. Without this lingering sense of danger, tension evaporates from the story. 

Why should I care if Tommy loses in a fight to someone, if he’ll just come back a day later? Why should I care about what happened to Wilbur, if he just returns as if nothing happened? The answer is simple: I won’t. I will no longer care if Tubbo or Ranboo or Sam die in the story, because the idea of revival even being a possible outcome leaves me unenthused and uncaring. 

The Dream SMP likes to flirt with death. It teases the demise of its main characters many, many times. More so Tommy’s than anyone else’s. Wilbur’s failed resurrection, which had unforeseen and unfortunate outcomes, is now strange in comparison to Tommy’s, which happened without a hitch. 

To be fair, we actually don’t see how many attempts it took. But here’s the problem; Dream could do it without the book being physically present. He’s trapped in a prison with nothing on him, meaning he doesn’t need any materials either. It’s also implied he could do this as many times as he feels, for anyone he wants. This would be exceedingly overpowered, if not for one thing—Dream himself is mortal (at least, I fucking hope he’s mortal.) 

If someone kills him one last time, that knowledge is gone forever. And I’m glad they’ve established at least some way for Tommy to win. Because at this point, I was losing faith. 

There is also the bare minimum establishment that Dream can refuse to bring back those he doesn’t care for. He can also use it as a shield, holding this power over other people. If Dream is gone, death is permanent. But isn’t that how death is supposed to be, anyway? 

What a bleak premise—the afterlife is pure eternal torture while life is cheapened by a lack of consequences.

Conclusion

All this to say, I am cautiously optimistic for the future. I hope dearly that every single one of these can be disproven or developed in the coming livestreams. Obviously, there’s not enough information to really determine what the end result will be, or how everything will fall into place. 

Every time I have theorized about the story, it has done something completely different and pleasantly surprised me. I want this trend to continue. 

Surprise me again—I’ll be here to see where it goes.

[eivor-basim]

ezio (in all seriousness now. mind your step 🥰🥰🔪🔪)

hey you can put your pixel knives away, i love ezio. and i'm not gonna steal your video game boyfriend i promise <3

first impression

i first played ac2 when i was 13 or so. at the Very First Glance he annoyed me a bit because he reminded me of boys my age who thought they were all that. a pre-fuckboy, if you will. but then he was so soft with his family. i really felt the pain of losing them with him. and he was adorably awkward flirting with cristina and being baffled by leonardo. so i quickly realized that ezio actually deserves so much love. and also a hug... pls allow this man some damn comfort ubi. plus of course, the fancy renaissance assassin robes and being so overpowered in fights just made it so FUN to play as ezio. i appreciated his badassery

impression now

now, playing an ezio game feels like coming home.

no matter what life throws at him, ezio finds a way to move forward and make something of it. always with a joke and a spring in his step. i love that resilience. and i've come to love the charm that annoyed me at first. because it's not putting on a show, that's just How He Is. he's warm and charismatic and funny. and manages to maintain that in spite of everything.

also, his humor isn't a façade veiling a lack of character or wisdom as can sometimes be the case with the fun-loving roguish archetype. over the course of the games, he really grows to be a man of principle and gains truly insightful perspective. these quotes he just drops:

"When I was a young man, I had liberty, but I did not see it. I had time, but I did not know it. And I had love, but I did not feel it. Many decades would pass before I understood the meaning of all three. And now, the twilight of my life, this understanding has passed into contentment. Love, liberty, and time: once so disposable, are the fuels that drive me forward."

"I have lived my life as best I could, not knowing its purpose, but drawn forward like a moth to a distant moon. And here, at last, I discover a strange truth. That I am only a conduit for a message that eludes my understanding. Who are we, who have been so blessed to share our stories like this? To speak across centuries?"

"To say that nothing is true is to realize that the foundations of society are fragile and that we must be the shepherds of our civilization. To say that everything is permitted is to understand that we are the architects of our actions, and that we must live with their consequences, whether glorious of tragic."

"My story is one of many thousands, and the world will not suffer if it ends too soon."

i cried looking those up and reading them again btw!!

this man goes through so much pain. he builds the brotherhood up from nothing, only to lose it. and then builds it again. he does ALL THAT only to realize his whole life has served to convey a message he will never understand to a person he will never meet. yet even so he still finds contentment. he finds love and happiness. and he does it all with the signature ezio auditore da firenze flair. and looks hot doing it

(i really do need to note, this pixel man is FINE. i have to say his brotherhood look is my favorite but he is consistently hot)

i love him i love him i love him

favorite moment

there are so many??? and tbh i just started my ezio trilogy replay so the details are a little fuzzy, especially on brotherhood and revelations

one moment that always rips my heart out is when he assassinates his first target and yells "the auditore are not dead! i'm still here! me! ezio! ezio auditore!" and you can just hear his voice breaking a little

i love the little conversations between him and leonardo. leo really becomes one of the few constants in ezio's life, which forms such a distinct and powerful bond between them. and leo is just a walking ray of sunshine

ooh i really love the entire venice carnival sequence. also both ezio and claudia's assassin induction ceremonies. when ezio yeets cesare off the roof. and all of the moments with the quotes above

like i said, impossible to choose. and i still feel like this list is incomplete since i'm about to replay and will likely rediscover a bunch of old faves

idea for a story

hmm i don't know. i really feel like ezio's story is well executed and comes full circle in canon tbh. in the past i've enjoyed fics that actually do give ezio a chance to talk to desmond and explore the bleeding effect creating overlap between their lives. if i wrote a story, i might focus on ezio and claudia, because i feel like her character is very underutilized in-game.

unpopular opinion

i suppose a lot of my interpretation of ezio would be unpopular among those who see him as a womanizer and put him on a pedestal for that. other than that, hard to say tbh. i know many people don't like ezio with sofia, and i think they're very cute together. i guess also, i don't think ezio ever fully recognized claudia's ability. i think his perception of her was clouded by the gender roles of the time. in my view, he improved over time but never managed to shake off that bias

favorite relationship

romantically, this is difficult because ezio has great chemistry with lots of people and almost every ship makes me think oh yeah that'd be cute. i don't really have an otp with ezio, you know? i do really like him with leonardo and sofia tho

platonically, claudia. the murder siblings dynamic is everything. also, yusuf. their interactions were always so charming and hilarious, and yusuf's death clearly hit him so hard-- why ubisoft

favorite headcanon

ezio paints portraits of his targets, but i also like the thought of him painting portraits of his loved ones. ones that just feel more tender and personal when you're looking at them. and going out to the countryside to paint landscapes with leonardo-- artist couple!!

this is a communal headcanon at this point lol, but in-game ezio tries coffee and suggests adding sugar and milk. so i like to think he's the inventor of The Most Extra coffee drinks, like a triple caramel cappuccino with extra whipped cream and sprinkles type shit

finally, i think at heart he's very sentimental. he probably holds on to all sorts of knick knacks that remind him of the people in his life and the places he's been. he catches a whiff of, idk, a certain type of flower and is instantly transported to picking those flowers for a crush as a boy. gets all misty-eyed thinking about it. ezio is soft!!

send me a character!

[artificialqueens]

Off Limits, Chapter 1 (Bitney, Willaska) - Veronica/Albatross

A/N: Hey guys! This is the companion story to “No Strings Attached.” We’re tagging them both as “Just Friends” so that it’ll be easy to read the chapters in order, but once it gets complicated, I might include a guide. Both ships are in both stories, but generally, “No Strings Attached” is Willaska-focused and this one is Bitney-focused. (Link to all chapters in order, which so far is just 2.)

Summary: When Bianca meets her new roommates, she’s especially captivated by one of them. Worse, the feeling seems to be mutual.

***

Bianca hated being fucking late. It was bad enough that she’d had to drive all the way from New Orleans to California, praying that her 7-year-old Kia wouldn’t break down. But for the last leg of her trip, which should have been 45 minutes, she got caught in an accident on the freeway that turned what should have been a short, pleasant zip up the freeway into a torturous 4-hour crawl.

By the time she reached the dorms, she was fuming--not to mention exhausted. And having to lug her shit from possibly the worst parking spot in the garage did nothing to improve her shitty mood. By the time she’d achieved some semblance of order in her room, she was hot and thirsty and as cranky as she’d ever been.

She chugged about a gallon of water and then collapsed on the sofa, arm over her eyes, trying to summon the energy to think about a shower.

It was then when the front door swung open and a trio of laughing, chattering girls poured inside.

Bianca looked up. At first glance, all she saw was Blonde, Blonde, Blonde. A bunch of perfect, plastic sorority girls, exactly the type of girl she couldn’t stand. (And, if she was honest, exactly the type of girl that she always feared a little bit.) She groaned inwardly, sitting up and giving them a withering glare.

Unable to help herself, she announced, “Great...I’m living with a bunch of bottle blonde bitches.” As the words left her mouth, she realized that she was perhaps not making the best first impression. But instead of taking it back, she doubled down with, “So whose hideous leopard duvet is that?”

The Littlest Blonde burst into delighted giggles, before glancing at the (Bianca assumed) Duvet-Owning Blonde beside her and pressing her lips together contritely.

Slutty Blonde slung an arm around Duvet Blonde and said, “Calm down, bitch. Some of us are garbage pails with hideous taste. We’re still people.”

Bianca pursed her lips, determined to continue hating them all.

With that, Little Blonde skipped forward, flinging herself onto the sofa and offering a bright smile.

“Hi, I’m Courtney. You must be our fourth roommate,” she said.

She had an accent--a cute accent. Shit. Do not let the accent fool you. This Barbie doll bitch isn’t your friend.  

“Wow...what gave that away, detective?” Bianca asked, narrowing her eyes slightly.

“Well…” she leaned in conspiratorially, speaking in a low voice. “It would be a little weird for you to be here, if you weren’t. So...” She finished with a flutter of lashes and another dazzling smile, green eyes dancing with amusement.

Well, fuck. Bianca was not planning to be this charmed, this quickly. The plan was to be grumpy and sulk for awhile. Foiled by a pretty face...not the first time, but still annoying.

“Genius.” Bianca tried to suppress her smile, but dimples poked through anyway.

“I knooow, right?”

Australian. Bianca winced. Surely this was some kind of karmic justice for a terrible deed she’d done as a child. After all, there was no way in hell that Bianca would get involved with one of her roommates. She was many things, but she was not that messy.

“So, are you gonna tell us your name?” Courtney asked.

“Yeah, sorry. Bianca. Hi.”

“Hi, Bianca, nice to meet you.”

God, even the way she said her name was sexy. Bee-aaaahn-cah. Ugh. Bianca was well and truly fucked.

“Hey, I’m Willam,” Slutty Blonde said, perching on the arm of the sofa. “And that’s Alaska...your roommate. You should be nicer to her; she’s cool.”

Duvet Blonde gave a halfhearted wave.

“Hi, Alaska,” Bianca said, slightly chagrined, “I’m sorry...about your lack of taste. We’ll work on it.”

Courtney giggled again, tossing her hair, still watching Bianca closely. And as much as she wanted to look away, to dismiss her as some airhead, she had to admit that something in her eyes was captivating.

“So, Bianca...where are you from?” Courtney asked.

“New Orleans,” Bianca told her.

“Oooh, have you ever been to Mardi Gras?!” she asked, eyes lighting up.

“Uhh. Yeah.”

“Did you bring us any beads?”

“Why not get out your tits and see, Court?” Willam suggested.

Courtney started to lift the edge of her shirt, and Bianca’s eyes went wide--this girl was turning out to be a lot more than she’d bargained for. Courtney glanced at her surprised face and burst out laughing again.

“Just kidding.”

“Good one,” Bianca offered, a little ashamed at the flash of disappointment she felt. Of course she was kidding; Bianca needed a cold shower.  

“So, are you a new student here?” Courtney asked.

“Yeah.” Bianca cleared her throat. “I transferred from LSU.”

“Where’s that?”

“Louisiana...State...University,” Bianca explained slowly, as if she was talking to a child. Her tone was intentionally condescending, but Courtney continued her rapid-fire questions undeterred.

“Ah! Brilliant. And have you-”

“You ask a lot of questions,” Bianca said. She’d never experienced that many questions in a row, and considering her gigantic nosy-ass family, that was saying a lot. If she wasn’t so cute, Bianca would be thoroughly irritated.  

“Sure does,” Willam added with an eye roll.

“Oh yeah. I know. Is it annoying you?” Courtney bit her lip, head tilted cutely.

“That’s another question,” Bianca declared stonily, pretending once again not to be charmed. And doing a piss-poor job of it, if the glimmer in Courtney’s eyes was any indication.

“Hmm, I guess it is,” Courtney said, tone lilting and gently mocking. “Sorry, I’m just trying to get to know you.”

“Maybe I should ask you some questions.”  

“Maybe you should!” Courtney replied brightly. She stretched her legs--long, tan, killer legs--placing them on the coffee table and folding them delicately at the ankles. “What would you like to know?”

Do you moan in an Australian accent?

Bianca coughed, mind blanking for a moment, before admitting with a shrug, “I guess...I’m not very curious.”

“Pity. ‘Cause I’m an open book.”

“Uh. Good to know.” After a beat, Bianca offered, “So. I had kind of a shitty morning.”

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Courtney sat up straighter, the teasing smirk replaced with an expression of genuine concern. “Are you okay?”

“It’s fine, I just...I was actually about to jump in the shower. I’ll probably be in a better mood after that.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” said Willam, and Alaska let out a clipped laugh.

“I deserved that,” Bianca said with a nod and wry smile. “So I guess I’ll go...do that.”

With one last glance at the group, Bianca got up and walked towards her bedroom to get her things.

“What a cunt,” Willam said loudly--loud enough that Bianca knew it was for her benefit. She chuckled to herself.

“Bill!” Courtney scolded, then added, “I like her.”

“Clearly. Why don’t you go make my bed?”

“Make your own bed, dickhead!” Courtney shrieked.

The shower was much needed. Bianca could feel the stress of the day literally rinsing away, muscles relaxing in the steamy water. When she re-entered her bedroom, Alaska was lounging on the bed, flipping through a magazine. She sat down at her desk, pulling over a light-up mirror.

She took her time blow-drying her hair. Even put on some makeup. No reason not to look nice for a relaxing afternoon of getting to know her roommates, right? She pulled on a casual summer dress and sandals and then began to put everything away in its spot...blow dryer in the stackable basket with her curling iron, makeup in the case, brushes in the cup.

She turned around to Alaska, who gave her a smile.

“I like your bins,” Alaska commented, gesturing to Bianca’s compulsively organized and labeled plastic bins, lined up under her bed and stacked on the dresser.

“Thanks. And I like your...uh…” Bianca surveyed the mess on Alaska’s side of the room before settling on the word, “...piles.”

Alaska let out a loud cackle. The most Bianca had seen her laugh yet. She grinned wryly.

“I’m a little bit messy, sorry,” Alaska said.

“It’s cool,” Bianca shrugged. “To each their own.”

“I’ll keep it contained, I swear. And on my side of the room.”

“You fucking better!” Bianca exclaimed, and was rewarded with another laugh from her roommate.

***

Courtney didn’t like to admit it, but she’d had a bit of a lonely summer. She’d decided with her parents that, since she wanted to come home for Christmas again this year, it made more sense for her to stay at school, taking a few classes and working at an internship.

It usually wasn’t hard for Courtney to make friends, but somehow, she hadn’t connected with anyone. Her classmates seemed lovely, and her coworkers were nice enough too, but she missed the late-night gossiping with Willam, the chance to let loose and be silly. The girls she attempted to hang out with over the summer just weren’t the kind of unpredictable fun that Willam was. And her summer roommate was a reclusive Belgian girl who spent all of her time buried in her laptop wearing headphones.

But today, she was thrilled. Willam was finally back, and even better, she had two new fantastically wonderful roommates.

Alaska was great. A little reserved, maybe, but that was alright with Courtney. She had a great sense of humor and a genuinely kind soul that Courtney adored right away. Plus, she seemed to get along really well with Willam, which was a relief. (Courtney loved her BFF, but she knew that getting her seal of approval could be difficult.)

And then there was Bianca. Blunt and a bit abrasive, but Courtney found herself thoroughly enchanted almost immediately, reveling in her sharp wit and acid tongue. Her dark, flashing eyes. She was unlike anyone Courtney had ever met before, truth be told.

As Courtney helped Willam stuff her clothes into the closet and dresser and arrange her shoes and bags under the bed, she sighed happily, grateful to be surrounded by people with whom she could really let down her hair.

It took ages before Willam was satisfied. Well, not so much satisfied as much as resigned to accept the confines of their limited space. She turned to Courtney with a sigh, saying, “Well, it is what it is, I guess.”

Courtney laughed and suggested that they check on the others, skipping happily over to Bianca and Alaska’s open door. She pushed it in further, asking, “How are you ladies doing? Bonding?”

“Oh yeah,” Bianca said, turning around in her desk chair, large curling iron in hand. “Our periods are already in sync.”

Alaska laughed, and Courtney was glad to see that some of her earlier tension had melted away.

“How disgustingly primal,” Willam said, collapsing on the bed next to Alaska, who moved over to give her space.

Courtney settled on the floor nearby. She watched as Bianca carefully styled her hair, admiring the color—a rich, reddish mahogany brown—and wondering how she got it so shiny.

“Is your room bigger than ours?” Willa asked, pulling Courtney out of her thoughts as she looked around suspiciously.

“I don’t know. Is it?” Bianca asked.

“Bill’s pretty pissed about the closet space,” Courtney explained. “I gave her one of my drawers, but…” She shrugged, pulling affectionately on one of Willam’s bare feet, “Some people are just never satisfied.”

“I have an extra drawer, too,” Alaska offered, and Bianca’s eyebrows shot up.

“You sure you don’t want to use that for some of the stuff that’s…” she gestured to the top of Alaska’s dresser.

Looking at their spaces, Courtney could see a clear clash of styles. Bianca’s things were almost obsessively organized, lined up in containers with p-touch labels. Alaska’s side of the room was more haphazard, similar to Courtney’s space.

“Nah, she can have it,” Alaska said with a sweet smile, and Bianca responded by sticking out her tongue briefly.

Courtney giggled, seeing them tease each other, happy that they already seemed to be friends. She relaxed against Alaska’s desk chair, finally content to just let the conversation drift as it were, taking a break from her usual Oprah mode.

“So...not to be a wet blanket on all this delightful female bonding, but...where can a bitch find some decent vegetarian food around here?” Bianca asked, putting away her hairstyling tools and turning around.

“You’re hungry?” Courtney looked up at her.

“No, just thought I’d buy some food and throw it at seagulls. Yes, I’m fucking hungry.”

Through Courtney’s immediate laughter, Willam muttered, “Decent shit is mostly downtown...but edible? There’s the cafeteria next door, the salad bar over by the biology building, food court in the quad, the-”

“No, Bill,” Courtney giggled out with a weak swat at Willam’s leg. “Let’s get something different. Something better.” She decided not to add ‘for Bianca.’

Willam rolled her eyes and huffed out, “Fine then, cunt. Where do you suggest we eat?”

There was a moment’s pause as Courtney pondered over the question before thoughtfully looking up at Bianca, asking, “Do you like burritos?”

“Wow. That’s racist.”

“No, it’s not because you’re--I didn’t mean--it’s just that they’re really good and you said-” Courtney tripped all over herself to explain, flustered, cheeks growing hot. Shit, she hoped she hadn’t been offensive.

After a beat, Bianca burst out laughing.

“I was kidding, calm down. Burritos sound good.”

“Courtney, are you talking about that hole in the wall on Fair Oaks? We’ll have to take a car.”

“It’s good, and they have tons of veggie options, and you love driving,” Courtney insisted. “Plus, everything on campus will be chockers right now.”

“‘Chockers’?!” Willam repeated. “That’s so Aussie!”

“Packed, full, whatever, you know I’m right.”

“Ugh. Alright,” Willam groaned, then asked, “Alaska? You in?”

“Uh, I’m not really all that hungry,” Alaska said. “You guys should go.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’m getting a little bit of a headache.”

“Oh no!” Courtney leapt to her feet. “Do you need something? I have magnesium supplements. Or, vitamin b-complex. That’s great for headaches!”

“Or, if you want something that actually works, I got Tylenol and Advil…” Bianca gestured to one of her boxes.

“I’ve got Vicodin,” Willam added. “And weed.”

“Thanks guys, but I think I just need to lay down for awhile.”

“Okay, we’ll leave you alone. Let us know if you want us to bring you back any food,” Courtney offered.

“Thanks.”

As the group trooped out of the room, Bianca grabbed her purse and then slung an arm around Courtney’s shoulder, asking, “Magnesium supplements?”

“My dad’s a doctor of alternative medicine,” Courtney giggled.

“Well, that tracks…”

***

By the time they perched on the rickety stools at the burrito place, Bianca was beyond starving. She dug into her food with a passion as Courtney resumed her questioning from earlier.

“Sooo,” she began, drawing out the word in that infuriatingly adorable Australian way, “You said that you transferred from Louisiana, right? What brings you out here?”

“Well, I’m majoring in marketing and international relations, and they have this scholarship that combines-”

“You’re an Ashford Scholar?!” Courtney exclaimed, eyes widening dramatically.

Bianca couldn’t help be a bit pleased with herself, happy that the prestigious scholarship was known even beyond the business school. Courtney was clearly impressed, and so she gave a small shrug of faux modesty.

“That’s amazing, that’s really...you know only 1 person a year gets that, right?” Courtney asked.

Bianca nodded and swallowed, then said, “Can’t wait to meet last year’s bitch. I assume they’re extraordinary too.”

Courtney giggled, resting her cheek on her hand. “So I guess that means you’re gonna have a lot of work to do. I heard those Ashford internships are seriously intense.”

“I’ll manage…”

Though her answer sounded nonchalant, she was enjoying Courtney’s obvious respect for her accomplishment. Her eyes practically glimmered in admiration.

“What about you, dollface?” Bianca asked. “What’s your major? Psychology?”

“No...although actually I did consider that!” Courtney said.

“Shocking.”

Courtney giggled, crunching down on a chip and saying, “I’m doing PoliSci.”

“Oh, cool.”

“Yeah…” she leaned in and stage whispered, “Your political system here is absolutely up the shit.”

Bianca laughed, not entirely familiar with that expression but getting the gist. She was about to agree when Willam interrupted her thoughts.

“That’s so Aussie!” Willam said, mouth muffled with food.

She assumed that was some kind of inside joke, but found herself unconcerned with being left out. What was more troubling was that until that moment, she’d temporarily forgotten that Willam was even there. She could already tell that it was a problem...how enchanting her new roommate was. Not to mention beautiful. The more Bianca looked into Courtney’s face, the more captivated she became. She cleared her throat, forcing her attention to Willam, who was working her way through a steak burrito bowl. Bianca nudged her foot.

“What’s your major, then?”

She expected a proud, boastful response but instead, there was just further silence. Conversation dropped dead for a few moments before Courtney chimed in softly with, “She doesn’t have a major yet...She’s still undeclared.”

“What?” Bianca exclaimed in amazement as a hint of pink rose to Willam’s cheeks despite her stony expression. “How can you still be undeclared? What year are you in?”

“Third,” Willam answered tensely, “And it's not that unusual. I just haven’t found the right thing yet, okay?”

If it wasn’t clear before that this was a touchy subject, the little huff at the end of her defense made it painfully obvious.

“Okay, well...cool.” Bianca grimaced awkwardly. Served her right for trying her hand at some Courtney-esque interview questions. She racked her brain for a lighter topic of conversation. “So...what do you guys...do for fun?”

“Shop,” Willam answered decisively.

“Oh! You know what we should do!” Courtney exclaimed brightly. “We should go to Cielo Plaza tomorrow!”

“What’s that?” Bianca asked, relieved that the subject change had worked.

“A mall,” Willam answered. “It’s no King of Prussia but there are a few good stores in there.”

Bianca wasn’t sure what the fuck “King of Prussia” was, but Courtney breezed right past it, happily pitching how great the activity would be.

“Yeah! And it’s so cute. We could have lunch, find some more decorations for the apartment, get some new clothes-”

“Should ask Alaska if she wants to come too,” Willam said, continuing to speak through mouthfuls of food.

“Of course!” Courtney enthused. “And then Saturday, we could go to the beach! Do you like the beach?”

Bianca did not like the beach. Sand in her asscrack was the last thing she wanted. But the idea of seeing Courtney in a bathing suit was pretty appealing…

“Love the beach,” she said with a smile.  

“Great!” Courtney leaned back proudly.

“So, uh…what about nighttime fun?” Bianca’s eyes flickered unconsciously to Courtney’s glossy lips, the way her tongue toyed with the straw, before quickly adding, “Any good clubs?”

“We’re underage,” Courtney said sweetly.

“Oh, right.” Bianca turned to Willam. “Come on. I know you’ve got a fake ID. Where do you go?”

A secretive, almost mischievous smile spread across Willam’s lips as her eyes narrowed in on Bianca consideringly. There was a confident, daring tone in her voice as she responded with a simple, “Depends.”

Arching her brow, egging her on, Bianca shot back, “On?”

Willam’s smile grew just a little wider as answered, “On what your type of scene is.”

Fully catching onto the joke that had gone over Courtney’s head, Bianca sat back in her seat, arms crossed with an amused grin of her own and asked, “What do you think it is?”

There was a loaded pause as the two stared one another down. Courtney’s eyes darted back and forth in confusion, looking absolutely lost.

Finally, after what felt like a decade of waiting, Willam broke the silence of the group and replied almost smugly, “I think you'll be right at home in Sierra's.”

“Willam!” Courtney scolded harshly as she gave her friend a firm smack to the arm. Turning a bright shade of pink, she turned to Bianca and apologized, lowing her voice, “I'm sorry, that...that's a gay bar.”

The way her voice had dipped into such a low whisper had Bianca laughing on the spot. As soon as she managed to get ahold of herself, she inquired with amusement, “So? What’s wrong with gay bars?”

Stunned, Courtney blinked several times before finding her voice again. “Nothing! That’s not what I-it’s not that there’s anything wrong, she just shouldn’t assume...I mean, if you’re okay with it, then-”

“Well, it’s probably gonna be my best bet at getting laid,” came the nonchalant answer.

Looking rather pleased with herself, Willam piped back up for affirmation, “So you are...?”

Nodding her head, Bianca confirmed, “Mh-mm...And what about you? Casual observer or part of the family?”

“I mean...if that's what I'm in the mood for, yeah.”

“Makes sense,” Bianca quipped as her brow arched, “You do seem like the ‘take it anywhere you can get it’ type.”

The comment earned a loud laugh, one distinct enough to draw the attention of nearly everyone else in the shop. Despite the onlookers, Willam reassured her with a playful grin, “Trust me bitch, it’s not that hard to get it around here...”

“Sounds promising,” Bianca replied before turning back to Courtney, “You alright, dollface? You’ve been awfully quiet over here.”

Stumbling to collect herself, Courtney found herself mumbling, “Oh...um, no. I mean, yeah, I'm not-I mean-”

“Court is straight,” Willam said, saving her from stammering any longer.  

“You don’t say,” Bianca said, trying to sound like she’d known all along. Secretly though, she was a bit surprised. She could have sworn that the blonde had been giving her vibes all day. Well...too bad. Karmic justice, indeed. With a sly sideways glance at her, Bianca clucked, “Pity.”  

Snorting through her laughter, Willam shook her head and said, “Yeah, you wish, bitch. But that pussy’s a boys club.”

“Bill!” Courtney wrinkled her nose in distaste.

Bianca shook her head sadly, asking, “So...you’ve never even been eaten out by someone who actually knows what the hell they're doing down there?”

“Hey! Men can learn!” Courtney exclaimed defensively, then a tiny conspiratorial grin crept onto her face and she admitted, “I mean...hypothetically.”

Bianca burst into cackling laughter.

“Oh, you poor baby,” she cooed, still giggling, slipping an arm around Courtney’s shoulders. Courtney turned to her with a look of good-natured self-pity, lower lip puffed out, batting her lashes slowly for comedic effect.

The more Bianca thought about it, the more she realized that there was something a bit freeing about Courtney being straight. She was straight. There were lines that would never be crossed, ever. So it meant she was safe to flirt and have fun and it would never make her living situation complicated.

Win win, right?

Bianca looked into Courtney’s sparkling green eyes one last time before removing the arm from her shoulder, chuckles dying down.

***

Bianca suggested a stop at the grocery store on the way home, which Courtney realized was a great idea, since she had barely anything stocked, having chosen to eat most of her meals for the past few days in the cafeteria by their building.

Plus, she didn’t mind at all that they were extending their outing, finding Bianca to be both hilarious and fascinating. While Willam was occupied on her phone, Courtney hopped into the cart, beaming up at Bianca.

“Uh, I’m sorry, are your legs broken?” Bianca asked pointedly.

“Come on, please?! I wanna riiiiide,” she wheedled, and Bianca smirked at her.

“Oh, I can give you a ride.”

Courtney bit her lip, both hating and loving the way her stomach twisted every time she looked into Bianca’s brown eyes. It was thrilling, but also terrifying, like being on a rollercoaster--and Courtney loved rollercoasters. She was still a bit miffed at Willam for so adamantly proclaiming her straightness earlier, though she couldn’t really say why. It was true, of course, she was straight, but the way Willam said it so definitively was annoying, especially since she’d only just found out that Bianca was gay moments before.

All Courtney did know, for sure, was that she was having fun, so she decided just to enjoy herself and not stress about it.

They sped through the store, picking up pantry staples and some produce for the next couple of days, along with a few treats that Courtney insisted on...coconut water, dates, kale chips. Bianca pretended to be disgusted by all of it.

At one point, in the freezer aisle, Courtney found herself gazing up at Bianca, admiring again how thick and shiny her hair was. When Bianca leaned over the cart to toss in a package of frozen peas, Courtney reached up, fingering a lock gently.

“Is that your real hair color?” she asked.

“No,” Bianca said, “Not even close. Why, is that your real hair color?” She reached out, unceremoniously ruffling Courtney’s hair.

Courtney ducked and giggled, saying, “Almost! It’s...slightly enhanced.”

A wicked look passed across Bianca’s face as she said, “You know, there’s a way to check that.”

“Eyebrows?” Courtney asked, lashes fluttering innocently.

Bianca cackled gleefully, dark eyes dancing with joy, and said, “Yeah, eyebrows. That’s exactly what I was thinking.”

Courtney bit her lip, feeling a surge of pride at making someone as funny as Bianca laugh so hard.

They were almost to the check-out when an employee asked tiredly for her to please get out of the cart.

“Oh yeah, sorry!” she said, scrambling to get up.

“Need a hand?” Bianca asked.

“Thanks.” Courtney let Bianca help her out, one hand holding the cart steady and the other on her waist. A faint blush colored her cheeks as she jumped down and found herself chest to chest with Bianca, close enough to smell her perfume, which was lovely--warm and smoky. It made Courtney want to lean in closer...

“Let’s go!” Willam screeched, slamming the cart into their legs.

“Soz Bill!” Courtney snapped out of her daze and headed for the registers, making sure to snatch a few bars of dark chocolate on the way, chuckling slightly at Willam’s mumbled “that’s so Aussie.”

It was still early when they got back to the apartment, and Courtney was too riled up to sleep, so she suggested opening a bottle of the wine that Bianca bought. Alaska was dozing, so they left her in peace while the three of them sat around Courtney and Willam’s room and chatted for a few more hours. They shared stories about their childhoods and families, generally getting to know each other--at least until Bianca’s eyelids began to look heavy and they sent her off to bed.

As Courtney finally snuggled down into her comforter, lightly buzzed and perfectly content, her last thought was how lucky she was, how wonderful her roommates were, how life-changingly amazing this year promised to be.

[headlineawards]

2020 Headline Award Winners

 Fiction Awards  Giles

The Watcher Watch Award  [Best gen., Giles]

WINNER - living, learning, watching, burning by rippergiles “We chose this one as our favorite because all of us who love Giles, at some point, have wished we could be in Willow's shoes staying up all night in the library researching demons with Giles. This is my exact fantasy! I can’t believe someone wrote this. It is adorable and adds to the Giles fanfic community because it is an innocent fantasy we can all relate to. If you have ever crushed on a teacher before, this is relatable. I don't think I've seen anything like it. It is unique. The author does a really good job of capturing Willow’s feelings and portraying it realistically. EVERYONE NEEDS TO STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND READ THIS.”

RUNNER-UP - Bad Habits by il_mio_capitano “This was an insanely hard category to judge because this fanfic was also amazing. This could have easily been the winner. The writing and development of this fanfic was so good. We liked how the author managed to showcase the complicated relationship between Giles and Ethan from Ethan’s perspective. It felt genuine to Ethan’s character. We really haven't seen anyone write such a clear and believable Ethan voice before now and that is something we really appreciated about this story. And a cameo from Faith is always appreciated. This was a small moment in the comic book canon that just makes you chuckle. Our love of Ethan and Giles’s complicated relationship is enhanced by this story.”

The Twosome of Cuteness Award  [Best romance, Giles]

WINNER - Across the Pond by The_Eclectic_Bookworm “This was a lovely story, and it got so much across with really sparse lines of prose and no lengthy explanations, which is impressive writing chops. We thought the passion and honesty from Jenny was brilliant. The perspective of being both angry and loving towards Giles at the same time was nicely balanced, and the end note that love is all about hard work brought it all together. The dialogue between Giles and Jenny was perfect and exactly them. We loved the fact this was as much about their marriage as it was about wanting to help everyone around them.”

RUNNER-UP - A New Name for Everything by punch_kicker15 “Giles and Willow adventuring around San Fran and seeing the sights was very well done, and we could see exactly why her schoolgirl crush came back! Perfect museum buddies. This felt very much like a direction that canon could have gone if it was books and not TV, where main characters temporarily being in a different city can work. The voices were very true to the originals. The way the romance progressed was also seamless and believable, with a nice balance between Giles-voice and Willow-voice. We especially liked how concerned Giles was about "holding her back". And finally, the return of Oz was great and you just knew he would smell Giles on her straight away!”

The Good Squirm Award  [Best smut, Giles]

WINNER - Hurricane Mitch by stuffandnonsense “This story just blew us away (pardon the pun). How can so few words build a world so complete, so rich with background details? The pairing has a ton of potential, and especially under these unique circumstances, oh boy. (It's also one of our favourites, but shhh.) The excitement, the hotness, the magic! And then the shock at the end. Wow that hurt. We don't think we're ever gonna forget this story.”

RUNNER-UP - Amidst the Cherry Blossoms by Littleotter73 “There's so much to love about this!! The masterful writing and impeccable characterization, for one thing. The fun and the banter, the familiarity even after a long time apart, the unbeatable teamwork, the trust! The small doubts but unwavering support, the tension, the passion, the love! The good and healthy decisions, the maturity... we could go on! It's just all so Good, with a capital G. At first, we weren't sure if this was in the right category, but while the sex is only a small part of the whole story, it is very nearly perfect and certainly worth the wait. This fic left us with a warm and fuzzy feeling, and reminded us why we love Giles and Buffy and their dynamic so freaking much.”

The Dark Age Award  [Best dark, Giles]

WINNER - Sting by eurydice72 “We loved this alternative storyline fic, with vampire-Giles teaming up with his tormentor-turned-sire Angelus and them both turning on Buffy and her mom. The tension was well built and the ending unexpected. We only wish it had been longer so we could have more!”

RUNNER-UP - The Scapegoat by kindkit “This story is compelling and drew us in in a way that made us uncomfortable- just as we believe it was supposed to. It has good writing that shows us Giles in a dark place, at a low point. The characterization was great, showing his former ability to resist and his present inner turmoil before giving into his baser desires with the first party who’ll have him. We also loved the comparison of Andrew to a younger, more innocent Ethan. This unusual pairing worked perfectly for this story and this category.”

The Rather British Award  [Best characterization, Giles]

WINNER - Lingering by JackalopingIntoTheVoid “This was our favorite characterization of Giles because we think Giles is more than a man who cleans his glasses and drinks lots of tea. Also, writing a believable version of Ripper is challenging, especially since we only get a glimpse of him from two episodes. However, this author made it through flawlessly.  And although this was an award for the characterization of Giles, we must also point out this is also a cute story to cuddle up and read. Ripper and Jenny Calendar have such a unique and adorable dynamic. Some of our favorite quirks in their relationship we enjoyed include, correcting her Latin, setting 50 Shades on fire, and snuggling up on a sofa to watch Netflix. We could all vibe with this younger Giles. Great job, JackalopingIntoTheVoid, and thank you for creating such a fun and creative read! If any writers need help to improve their characterization of Giles, this is a great story of reference.”

RUNNER-UP - Mamihlapinatapei by Melacka “Another great characterization, but this time of an older (possible) season 7 Giles. We like to applaud the fact that the author keeps a great characterization of Giles, even in a taboo and non-canon relationship. This is difficult to achieve, but this author pulls it off. Your heart melts when he hesitates to take a final step with Buffy and he immediately pulls away when the patio lights came on. This author’s use of gentle teasing was great. Although this award is for characterization, we would also like to point out that this story also replicates the humor from the show and it’s quite enjoyable. Honestly, we love the Buffy/Giles relationships. We want more!”

The You Were the One I Loved Award  [Fan favorite, Giles]

WINNER - Bad Habits by il_mio_capitano

RUNNER-UP - Tea for Two by Fabricdragon

​                           All award banners made by Funforahermit.

​

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: “A New Approach”

A friend of mine has a van that she calls the Fun Bus. Oh that’s cute, I thought. I should chuck that into a recap sometime. “All aboard the RWBY Fun Bus!” Except my fun levels are ehhh right now, so how about we just don’t.

In fact, let’s be totally up front about things and get the major positives out of the way:

The animation this volume is absolutely stunning holy shit

I would once again die for James Ironwood. All hail the Hug King

Excellent introduction for Tyrian and Watts. I love feeling like the villains are actually dangerous again

The rest? I’ve got some things to say.

We open on Ruby looking appropriately downtrodden over their circumstances. Getting carted off in an Atlas police craft and all that. We get a pan across each side of the airship with the group looking angry (Yang) or defeated (everyone else)... with the exception of Nora, who is trying to eat through her bonds. I’m well aware that I’m nit-picking at this point, but for once I’d like the serious moments to remain serious in this show. Given her reaction to Salem, Kuroyuri, etc. we’re all well aware by now that Nora is more than just the comic relief. Undermining the others’ reactions with her making dog noises was an early cue that the writers weren’t going to treat the group’s arrest earnestly. To say nothing of the disservice it does to her character. 

Actually, there were a lot of coincidental dog references in this scene. Nora’s growling. Referring to the Ace-Ops as Ironwood’s “personal attack dogs.” Deducing that he must have a “bone to pick” with them. Obviously this all means precisely nothing. What I want it to mean is that Zwei will arrive in another package courtesy of Tai, wondering how his kids are doing after one ran off and the other went to find her.

(Seriously though, does everyone remember Volume Five’s ending with Raven? Heaven only knows when that will become relevant again.)

While Nora continues to try and eat metal like a rabid animal, Jaune expresses disbelief that the Ace-Ops “took us out like it was nothing.” Honestly, it never ceases to amaze me how often the group is surprised by other people being stronger than them. Like they’re not the youngest and least trained in a world of professional huntsmen. Rather than acknowledging their need for improvement though---callback to Ruby’s “But we already know how to fight” anyone?---Weiss frames it as an exceptionalism intrinsic to her city. “Welcome to Atlas.” You know, the same city she quickly agreed to steal from and then draw the attention of the guards by giving a racist civilian what-for. The speed with which the show flip-flops between ‘We should fear this city’ and ‘But we shouldn’t take any actual precautions’ is pretty impressive.

All of which is made weirder by Weiss’ next line to the other prisoner locked up with them: “They’re not that big of a deal.” So... which is it, Weiss? Are the Ace-Ops Ironwood’s elites who can obviously take out a group of nine in seconds flat? Or are they worth scoffing and rolling your eyes at? Because you had a rather different opinion literally seconds ago. She does the same thing when the prisoner uses the term “tyranny” to describe the situation in Mantle. She claims now that the label is a “bit much” when before the whole group decided not to approach Ironwood precisely because of how tyrannical he appeared. I swear, good chunks of the dialogue just functions as openings for the plot---let the random prisoner explain all the horrors of this city!---rather than something the character in question would actually say.

But I’m harping. We learn a bit more about Hill and her “Happy Huntresses,” clearly a parallel to Robin Hood and his band of Merry Men. I was actually surprised to learn that she’s a full-on freedom fighter, just based on her posters last episode. The number of them and their professional look felt more like Atlas’ brand of propaganda. Big brother sister is watching you and all that. Then again, we also learn that Hill is gunning for a seat on the council, so it sounds like she’s not an ally of Ironwood’s plotting betrayal, and not a radical entirely removed from him either. We’ll have to wait and see precisely where she falls in this divide between Atlas and Mantle.

That fight is treated rather cheaply by the writing though. In this episode at least. Despite providing numerous looks at how horrible things are for the citizens here, this prisoner, currently representing that fight against the elite, is depicted as an absolute buffoon. He’s not engaging in an important, glorious battle for human rights. He just chucked a brick at an airship. He’s over the top, overly passionate, crazed enough that the group is looking away as he desperately tries to convince the guards up front that these things are important. The thing is? He’s right. But the writing doesn’t encourage us to treat his cause with respect, not when he’s bouncing off the walls and yelling like a conspiracy theorist. Actually, that’s the best comparison I can think of here. It’s like if someone laying out 100% real issues with climate change were written like a crack-pot loner who believes in aliens. That’s this guy.

We’re shown again that literally everyone recognizes Weiss Schnee---does no one else in all of Remnant have white hair?---before Jaune and a few others get distracted by how pretty the view is outside. Qrow commented earlier that they were no doubt going to jail.

Spoiler! It’s not jail.

It’s Atlas Academy, animated in a truly stunning design that reminds me of Weiss’ trip to the CTV tower to contact her dad. Looking back, that skyscraper-esque building probably made her anxious for reasons outside of just the call.

“I guess we will be seeing the General,” Ruby says because yeah, why would we have the group experiencing one iota of punishment before being handed the solution to their current predicament? 

Look, anyone who follows these recaps is well aware of my feelings towards the airship debacle. I said last week that I wanted the writing to treat the group’s horrific mistakes and criminal activities seriously, but I wasn’t overly hopeful. I was right not to be. From now until the conversation about Salem, the ‘protagonists can do no wrong’ mindset that drove Volume Six is pulled out again in full force.

First, Winter sees the group in handcuffs and responds with, “You have ten seconds to take those off before I start hurting you.” Which is completely out of character to me. Does Winter adore Weiss? Without a doubt. But Winter is also a stickler for protocol and rules. This is the women who threatened to remove Qrow’s tongue over a few vague, anti-Atlas statements. She is all about devotion to her Kingdom. So how should she react when she sees a group of kids being formally brought in for charges? I don’t know, maybe find out what’s going on before demanding an immediate release? Here, Winter prioritizes the emotional assumption that Weiss and her friends are perfectly innocent as opposed to trusting that they’re in handcuffs for a reason. Which they are. Combine that with the humor of the guards scrambling to obey her with more silly sound effects and it’s once again clear that the group’s arrest was never going to be taken seriously.

Things get so much worse though. Ironwood starts apologizing to them, also working under the assumption that this was all some sort of silly mistake. Of course you shouldn’t be in handcuffs. You’re the good guys! Yang and a few others have the gall to be haughty here (yeah, how dare you arrest us after we committed multiple crimes) and for a moment I think all of this will actually amount to something when Ironwood laughs and says, “We assumed [the ship] was stolen!”

Uh yeah, goes Ruby. It... was?

Which results in a brief moment of shock and about three seconds of anger from Winter... and then that’s it. That’s all we get. Weiss interrupts her with, “I’m sorry I worried you, but we did what we had to do” which, no?? Okay first off, worrying Winter is not the issue here. She’s been worried for literally those three seconds and nothing more. Second, as I’ve established numerous times in the past, they did not “do what they had to do.” Absolutely nothing in Argus forced their hand to the point where stealing military property, fighting Cordovin, drawing that grimm, and then deliberately hiding out from Atlas authorities was justified. Why doesn’t Winter or Ironwood challenge them on this? Why the hell would two military personnel accept at face value that committing all of these crimes was necessary? Imagine your younger sister steals a car (which is in no way comparable to an Atlas airship, but let’s run with it). She and her friends then get caught by the neighbor they stole it from, started a fight instead of giving it back, endangered a bunch of other people on the road, got the police involved, and hid out until they were finally arrested. Then at the police station big sister gets angry at the officers for daring to book you and is pacified with a hug. Don’t worry, dear. I know there’s no possible way you could be in the wrong here. No reason to acknowledge, let alone address, why you thought those were acceptable actions in the first place.

Qrow is briefly called out for letting this happen, but like Maria’s comment last episode about the group being incapable of keeping a low profile, he shrugs it off with a joke. “You try stopping these kids when they have their mind set on something.” You know what these ‘jokes’ remind me of? Privilege. Stuff like “Boys will be boys ¯\_(ツ)_/¯” where people accept that change is impossible, so why would we bother calling anyone out on their mistakes? Boys are just hardwired to hurt girls and call it love. Teens are just hardwired to steal airships and call it necessary. You know what they’re like. Putting your foot down is useless because that’s just how they naturally function... and we’re all going to ignore the fact that no one else could get away with this shit. They’re the special ones exempt from repercussions. There’s a reason why both both Oscar and Ruby smile here. They know they’re not in trouble. 

What all of this boils down to is that the group is above both the law and basic decency. That’s what Cordovin, Ironwood, Winter, and the writing all tell us. It doesn’t matter how many people you endanger. What you steal. What you break in order to accomplish that. Or how long you might try to hide what you’ve done. You’re you, a nebulous acceptance that you’re somehow above everyone and everything. These kids are never going to learn anything because each time they make a mistake---even massive mistakes that put a whole city in danger---they’re rewarded with smiles and a blanket acceptance that they did what they had to do. That is beyond frustrating to me. For the love of god, let them face an actual consequence for once.

It’s not going to happen though. Even the Ace-Ops apologize for doing their job (and treat Ruby like some sort of celebrity in the process). RWBYJNRQO is painted as victims for suffering the indignity of arrest... when they did numerous things they should have been arrested for. I particularly love Weiss’, “You could have asked us some questions first.” Yes, because everyone should be in the habit of taking a criminal’s word at face value and then letting them go when they say, “I’m innocent.” Rather than acknowledging any of this, the writing has the Ace-Ops go out of their way to emphasize how special the group is. You’re kids, but only technically. You’re students, but who cares. You’re as good as us, regardless of training or qualifications. That fact remains that the group did in fact do everything they were accused of and more, something that should generate reflection on whether they’re up for being paired with professionals, rather than an insistence that they’re automatically on par with these adults who complete their missions in a legal, safe manner. If that Argus fight gets them hugs and cool new weaponry, I shudder to think what else the group can not only get away with, but be rewarded for.

Once everyone blindly bypasses one of the biggest conflicts of Volume Six, we hit on the other divisive choice this episode: Ruby lying to Ironwood about Ozpin and the relic.

Okay. I’m going to be as clear as I can here: Ruby is being a massive hypocrite. That’s it. That’s the situation. I shouldn’t have been surprised by the fandom’s reaction, and yet I somehow still was. In just a few hours I’ve seen at least twenty posts detailing how Ruby is not a hypocrite because her situation is totally different from Ozpin’s. HE can’t keep secrets. SHE can. Which is the definition of hypocrisy: the group holding someone to a moral standard that they themselves will not strive for. Are there differences between telling the group about Salem and telling Ironwood about Salem? Yes, but the decision of whether or not to tell them derives from the exact same concerns:

Ozpin: I don’t know if I should tell these kids about Salem. I don’t know if I can fully trust them. I worry that admitting the relic still has questions will result in them using one irresponsibly.

Ruby: I don’t know if I should tell Ironwood about Salem. I don’t know if we can fully trust him. I worry that admitting the relic still has a question left will result in him using it irresponsibly.

And everyone is in on it. During the elevator ride up they all want to know what Ruby will say, meaning that they’re ready and willing to lie the moment she decides that’s best. “We’ll follow your lead,” Blake says. No one pipes up with, “Hey. Why are we considering lying to Ironwood when we decided that there’s no moral justification for keeping secrets like that? Especially from an ally involved in this fight?” Except, the group obviously never decided that. Jaune was happy to keep his secret back at Beacon. Blake too. Yang is still withholding info about the Spring Maiden. They’re all perfectly happy to lie provided they’re the ones doing the lying. Someone else doing that to them though? Omg, how dare you. 

That’s hypocrisy.

(As a side note: good lord this group is so astoundingly bad at fighting a strategic war. They announce that they should be careful about what they say to Ironwood while two of Ironwood’s guards are in the elevator with them. This is a needless conversation! No one has to establish that they’ll follow Ruby’s lead! But yes, let’s talk about our plans to withhold information from the General while two of his men are very obviously listening in. We even get a shot of one guard looking over at that little tid-bit. I wouldn’t be surprised if this came back to bite them in the form of:

Guard, who I am naming Brad: “Sir, I thought you should be aware... the prisoners that just left? I overheard them discussing whether or not they would tell you something.”

Ironwood: “What? But I thought we trusted one another... did they say what this something was?”

Brad: “No, sir. They just agreed to be careful about what they said in front of you. They clearly intended to hide something though.”

Ironwood. “Huh. Now that I think about it, Ruby did interrupt Oscar when he was about to say something. And she was awfully nervous about it.”

Brad: “Sounds suspicious, sir. I’d look into it.”

Ironwood: “Right you are, Brad. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I’ll be sure you get a hefty bonus at the holiday party.”

Brad: “Thank you, sir! My husband and I appreciate it.”

Gay guards aside, this is why Ozpin was right to be cautious. This group is too hot-headed, too immature, and often too plain dense to keep world-shattering secrets safe. This moment gets put up alongside Yang’s demand that Ozpin spill all his top-secret info while the random old woman they picked up 30 seconds ago watches. They just don’t think.)

In short, they are in the same exact situation as Ozpin. Weighing truth against potential repercussions. The fact that said repercussions vary in severity---a group of teens betraying him and/or caving under the pressure vs. a potential dictator betraying them and/or caving under pressure---doesn’t matter. They’re both really bad potential outcomes and both parties are right to be cautious. So yes, I agree with Ruby’s hesitance. It’s the smart thing to do. What I don’t agree with is the characters’ and the fandom’s insistence that Ozpin is not likewise smart for doing the exact same thing. Now that Ruby has made this choice she’d better damn well acknowledge her own hypocrisy. If the writing doesn’t give us a serious moment in which the group reconsiders their actions against Ozpin in light of their recent choices, then the ‘protagonists can do no wrong’ mindset has irrevocably damaged this show. Because you can’t have Ruby making the exact same choices her mentor made and not change her perspective now that she’s had the chance to walk in his shoes. “Oh wow. Sometimes you do want to play information close to your chest. Maybe we were wrong to respond so viciously to Ozpin’s secrecy when I literally just did the exact same thing to someone else. I get it now.”

All that being said, I’d actually argue that Ironwood is in a more justified position to have that information. He’s a chosen member of Ozpin’s inner circle. Ozpin never got the chance to vet this group. He’s a fully fledged huntsmen in charge of an entire Kingdom. They’re a bunch of half-trained kids. Checking in on/taking the relic to Atlas does not require knowing about Salem’s immortality. Enacting a plan to tell the whole world about her really, really does.

Because what else is Ironwood’s end game here? The only way this plan makes any sense is if he believes that Salem is mortal. Ozpin may have failed to kill her, but if we get an entire world to attack her at once we’re bound to win! This plan straight up falls apart when you realize that defeating Salem is not a matter of more manpower. Salem’s immortality is the Achilles’ heel of this scheme, whereas fighting the good fight is something the group signed up for right from the start. Not that Ironwood’s plan is a great one, even if it were viable. I’m sorry, but plunging a whole world into despair---something that draws literal monsters out of the woodwork---is a pretty terrible idea. Ironwood’s army can’t be everywhere at once and an announcement of that proportion would cause an untold amount of death and destruction. I can sort of get Ironwood’s sacrificial perspective. Deal with the fallout because the end result (finally defeating Salem) will be worth it. “Trying to hide the truth from the world will eventually kill us all,” he says, except hiding the truth hasn’t limited humanity in the way he assumes it has. It has allowed humanity to live in peace while a select few try to figure out how to kill an immortal woman.

...speaking of, how has Ironwood not realized Salem immortality? This remains a basic if/then construction of the story that blows my mind whenever people fail to pass it. “If Ozpin has fought Salem for over a thousand years, then Salem is either immortal or reincarnating like he does.” Because nothing else is possible! I mean, maybe Ironwood does know about her immortality and he intends his plan to work for reasons I can’t fathom right now, but it’s looking really unlikely after this episode. It just astounds me that we haven’t had a single character go, “Of course she’s immortal. Why is that surprising to everyone?”

Anyway, I’ve gotten horrendously off topic plot-wise. We learn that Penny and Winter now know about the relics and Maidens---something that worries me a bit because, as a piece of technology, Penny is potentially hackable. Especially with Watts on the loose. The Ace-Ops know as well. We also learn that they’ve already found the Winter Maiden who, according to Qrow, is “not exactly a spring chicken.” Huh. Another important piece of information that wasn’t blithely announced because people naturally work on a need-to-know basis... Sorry. Not diving back into the salt. That comment does actually intrigue me though. We know the powers can only pass to young women, so it’s a cool setup to present us with someone who has actually survived with that power for most of her life. I’m also eager to know whether Winter is set up to be the next Maiden. “Young” is a subjective marker and one of the criticisms fans have leveled at Ozpin is the fact that he put that pressure on Pyrrha instead of asking an older, fully trained huntress to be the Fall Maiden. Making Winter the next Maiden will lend support to that criticism. Ozpin could have chosen someone older, an actual adult, and actively chose to give it to a teen. As opposed to the assumption I’ve always worked under: those like Glynda and Winter are now too old. We’ll have to see.

Outside of the Salem part of the plan, I think making Amity Arena into a satellite is an excellent idea. Provided grimm like the Nevermore really can’t reach it. It’s actually cool to see how our real life, kind of boring tech makes its way into a sci-fi/fantasy series.

And while all this stuff is getting revealed we see how utterly thrilled Ironwood is to have them all back. To be blunt: I adore this characterization. I want this to be real. Not only because it’s a breath of fresh air to have someone acting so loving and optimistic  towards everyone---He acknowledges Ozpin’s existence! Look at that smile! Kneeling down!---but also because it would be an excellent subversion of the premier’s setup. Dictator-y military figures buckling under paranoia is out. Tired but loving military figures making mistakes they’re willing to fix is in. That hug with Qrow? It added ten years to my life. Tender moments between two stoic guys will carry me through these cold winter months.

But (there’s always a “but”...) I’m not willing to buy into this characterization just yet. Not only because Ruby herself obviously isn’t ready to trust it. Not only because this is a story and we expect conflicts in the form of twists and surprises. Not even because there are moments where our trio feels vaguely threatening, stationed perfectly behind that desk, separated from the rest of the group.

No, I’m  hesitating because this whole encounters feels... staged. Let’s review the series of events from Ironwood’s perspective:

You learn that one of your airships has been stolen

Instead of sending some everyday guards like the situation calls for, you send out your most elite group to take care of this issue

They immediately confiscate the relic, demonstrating a) that they know it’s important (they recognize it as a relic) while likewise b) not showing any surprise that one of the four, magical objects in the world just happened to turn up among these random teens

They bring the relic to you

Someone orders the pilots to bring RWBYJNRQO to Atlas Academy, not jail

You then act surprised when the group suddenly arrives

Which, under the circumstances, makes no sense to me. Even if Ironwood had no idea who stole the airship (I’d have expected Cordovin to have contacted him about the distinctive group heading his way...), he would have figured it out the moment the Ace-Ops walked in with a relic in their possession. Someone obviously gave the order for them to bypass jail and come straight to him. Basically, Ironwood is expecting them. Ironwood set up the arrest and everything attached to it. The surprise at their arrival, the fawning over their treatment, really over the top emphasis on trusting each other... This whole thing feels fishy to me considering that he had to have known it was all happening in the first place. It feels like a man crafting a situation where he can look approachable and kindly, arriving like a savior and endearing the group to him. Remember who got you out of those bonds? Huh? Huh? Even the choice to give Ruby the relic back. Do I need to point out how incredibly stupid that is? Ironwood isn’t stupid. He wouldn’t give an invaluable, magical object back to a 17yo unless he had another, good reason for doing so; unless the need to make Ruby and her followers blindly trust him outweighs the risk the relic is in while she carries it.

I mean... seriously. The entire point of coming to Atlas was to put the relic in a safe place. And then Ironwood decides that carrying it around on the streets is somehow better than locking it up in the vault? When Ruby and everyone else just got beat by the Ace-Ops in about five seconds flat? Someone could take the relic off them in a heartbeat! It doesn’t even need to be a main villain. Some stronger-than-average goons could manage it under the right circumstances and a bit of luck. Look at this bright, shiny thing we can sell for quick lien. No, I have to believe Ironwood has an ulterior motive here. As much as I want him to genuinely be what he presents himself as---the embodiment of our opening, “When we trust in love and open up our eyes”---a lot of this just doesn’t fit.

(Then again... it’s RWBY. And the writers are clearly still working with protagonist vision goggles. Maybe Ironwood really does think Ruby keeping the relic is the best option here. In which case he’s just a fool.)

All of which, notably, still keeps our group from tackling the core, ethical issue: why they want to fight Salem when they think it’s impossible. They’re ignoring that question by keeping the truth from Ironwood. The plot avoided them completing their mission by having them get the relic back. We’re just existing in perpetual limbo here.

Which finally brings me to Penny. The end of this episode has her leading the group on an exhausting tour of Atlas Academy, the exact sort of bubbly, silly, casual interaction we got with her in the early volumes. Last week when I pointed out how inappropriate everyone’s reactions were to finding out a friend is back from the dead, a lot of people commented that we’d get to the emotional stuff later. Or going so far as to claim that the group, Ruby in particular, is suffering from a delayed reaction. Except we didn’t see that. There’s a difference between a setup and a non-evidence based assumption that what we want to watch will eventually end up on screen. There was no setup for a delayed reaction. No Ruby holding back tears. Or a closeup on someone grappling with an emotion. Or someone else trying to say something before they were cut off by the sirens. All of those imply that an emotion exists but, since we don’t have the time or the inclination to deal with it now, we’ll come back to it later. That wasn’t the case last week. Every emotion was clear and complete, no variation in regards to the overall chill acceptance of Penny’s resurrection. Now, we’ve seen that trend continue. Ruby doesn’t stop in shock when Penny appears in the Academy hall. We’re given no indication that anyone is distracted by her while discussing business, in the way one might be when a friend and ally is unexpectedly back in your life. When she’s left alone with them, there’s nothing except the montage of exhausted tourism and Ruby’s demands to know where they’re sleeping. Basically, I think this is it. Sure, maybe later down the line---maybe even next week---Ruby will have a heart-to-heart with Penny, but by that point it’ll be too late to feel emotionally fulfilling. We’ve already seen their first meeting, a surprise encounter, doing business, and hanging out together, none of which acknowledges her status as a miracle. Hell, in this episode at least, no one even cares that she knows about relics and Maidens now. Penny has never been closer to the group, but she’s still being treated primarily as the comic relief.

As @valasania-the-pale​  pointed out to me, we also have the question of when Penny was rebuilt. Doesn’t anyone, at the very least Ruby, care that their friend was brought back and no one thought to tell them about it? Would Ironwood, Pietro, and Penny herself have just let them live with her death indefinitely? It’s a pretty messed up situation when you think about it. A fantastic setup in my opinion, but one that Rooster Teeth isn’t equipped to handle well. Like with so much of RWBY, there’s great potential and very little follow-through.

At least Watts and Tyrian were introduced appropriately. We got confirmation that Watts helped build the Atlas code and now controls it at his whim, causing crashes and powering down security cameras. It’s the perfect threat for a city almost entirely reliant on its technology. Even down to, as said, an ally like Penny who knows all these secrets. Hell, Winter’s comment about the group having access to Atlas’ best weaponry while they’re here is worrisome. What if their upgrades end up hackable as well?

Tyrian, meanwhile, is still Tyrian. That blood pool was a great shot in my opinion. Wonderful creep factor as he sets off into the city. “I suppose we all have our talents” indeed.

Obviously then, there’s a lot going on. A lot to cover and, on my end, continually dwindling hopes that RWBY will cover it well. I can’t be too excited about the group lying when we 100% bypassed their choices last volume. If the show isn’t willing to call them out on those mistakes, I doubt they’ll be willing to call them out on this one either. I’m preparing myself to watch precisely what we’re getting in the fandom right now: an insistence that Ruby is wonderful for keeping her secrets while further demonizing Ozpin for keeping his. Because that’s where we’ve been for the past fifteen episodes: perpetually insisting that everything the group does is, by default, heroic. Logic and hypocrisy aside. 

But we’ll have to see.

Until next week 💜

Minor Things of Note

1. Please pay attention to precisely how many long, wide, and aerial shots we get throughout the episode. This is what happens when your main cast is made up of twelve people all working in the same place. Plus six more including Maria and the Ace-Ops. That’s far, far too many characters.

2. I really love how the Ace-Ops’ tail gives away how excited he is. That was adorable.

3. Despite my enjoyment at Ironwood’s obvious joy over seeing Ozpin... morally this is so fucked up for Oscar. He’s introduced by Qrow as, “the next Ozpin,” essentially undermining his identity as his own person (note how massively uncomfortable his body language is in this moment). Ironwood then immediately starts speaking to him as Ozpin, not at all interested in the kid he’s housed in. If he even understands that Oscar is a separate person. We should all keep in mind that just a few days ago Qrow told Oscar to stop thinking of himself as an individual. Ruby agreed with him via her silence. The whole group was happy-go-lucky when Oscar announced that he’s resigned himself to just disappearing someday. As happy as I am that someone actually acknowledged Ozpin’s existence and (gasp!) was happy to see him, Oscar is still getting the short straw in all this. The group really treats him like he’s some form of transportation and nothing more. Penny, our resident robot, has more agency than he does.

4. Maria is still just hanging out with Pietro, I guess? Does she care that the group got arrested? Is she trying to do anything about it? I’m half expecting a comedic moment where she barges in, prepared to break them out and take on all their captors... only to realize they never needed her help in the first place.

5. I like this shot of the relic, the first thing to be bathed in light when Ironwood’s presentation ends. Not convinced it means anything, but a cool perspective nonetheless.

6. Intrigued by this guy. 

7. Love, love, love, love, love Watts’ purple outfit. I mean, I’m just a sucker for purple in general. So... yeah. There’s that. 

[tsukihimeyfan]

To Undertale

In honor of its 4 year anniversary, I would like to talk a bit about Undertale (I know I’m a bit late, but bear with me). Apologies ahead of time for the long post, and to anyone who reads it in its entirety; thank you. Also thank you very much to Toby Fox for giving birth to this masterpiece that has touched all of us so much :) I will be discussing several important details in the story, so SPOILER ALERT (just in case)

I came upon Undertale very late. It had already been out for about a year when I first heard about it, but everyone said such wonderful things and I was curious, so I decided to watch a playthrough on youtube, just to sate my curiosity. But Oh Man, I was not prepared for what I found: a gorgeous soundtrack, dozens of memorable characters, an amazing story, an incredible journey, and a veritable fountain of feelings sprouting in my heart. I fell in love.

For at least several weeks afterwards, the words “stay determined”, “everyone can be better if they just try” and “despite everything, it’s still you” bounced around in my head. Also, the idea that “even if its painful, even if you are going through a hard time, you can always choose to be kind, and happiness can always be found there, for others as well as yourself” became embedded in my soul. Even now, thinking about the True Pacifist ending fills me with joy. It was only fairly recently that I finally completed my own playthrough of the game, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that there were still many little secrets to uncover (for example, did you know that the  “gauntlet of deadly terror” bridge is just a rock formation that Papyrus painted over to make it more dramatic? He also added the rope for safety LOL😂)

The best part of the game, in my opinion, are the main characters. They are all more complex than they appear, they all have their struggles, and I would like to talk a bit about my opinions and theories about all of them.

Let us start from the beginning and talk about everyone’s favorite goatmom, Toriel. Of course, we all know her sadness at the death of her children, new and old, but if we really think about it there are signs that the situation may have been even worse than it seems... Namely, the shoe box in the room Toriel prepares for Frisk. If you check it, it says there are several shoes “in a disparity of sizes”. Presumably, these are the shoes left behind by the human children before they left the ruins, but they surely didn’t leave the ruins barefoot, right? And if they only stayed with Toriel for a day or so like Frisk does then she wouldn’t have had the opportunity or the need to go out and get some for them. This implies that each human child that fell probably stayed with Toriel for a while, long enough for her to need to buy them new shoes, maybe even because they outgrew their original pair. This, in turn, means that she had a chance to really get to know them, take care of them, and love them, unlike Frisk, who she only took care of for a little while before we leave. This might explain why she is so angry at Asgore, why it is unlikely that she will ever forgive him. If this is true, he not only killed random innocent human children that she didn’t really know, which is bad enough on its own, he might have killed her children, children she treasured. This also explains why she is so obsessive about protecting Frisk from everything and keeping them in the ruins no matter the cost. And yet, despite her pain, her “loneliness and her fear”, she still is one of the most gentle, kind and caring characters you meet, even willing to try to prevent Asgore’s death as well as Frisk’s. Toriel is best goatmom <3

Then we meet the star of the True Pacifist run (especially if you call him often); the Great Papyrus! He is my second favorite character for good reason. He is so much fun from the very beginning. Although he might appear to be a bit narcissistic at first, you quickly realize that in truth he is just lonely and desperate to impress in a misguided attempt to make more friends. Even so, he is always attentive to the feelings of his friends and tries his best to make them feel better. His relationship with Undyne is also quite adorable, and there are signs that he knows more than he lets on about everything (he is at the very least great at gauging the emotional state of people and manipulating them a little to push them towards self improvement, as Frisk’s date with Undyne and his warning about Alphys can demonstrate). Also, the way he always tries to believe the best of people, even in the worst circumstances or when he is scared, is truly admirable. I really love that precious cinnamon roll

Then there is Sans. Oh my god, Sans. He steals the show in the genocide route, truly. He is my favorite character of all, and there are so many things about him you don’t find out if you don’t dig deeper and talk to several people. First of all, he is a wonderful brother. Although he always teases Papyrus, he does his best to cheer him up all the time (for example, in the Genocide route he says that Junior Jumble is the hardest, even though in other routes he says its the crossword, just to make Papyrus feel a bit better when the human refuses to play along with his puzzles), he pays the bills for the house, he probably gave Papyrus his action figures (Papyrus tells you santa gave them to him, but there is a thank you letter to santa in Sans’ room), he made sure Papyrus’ room was super cool and comfortable when he doesn’t even have a bed frame himself, he was probably the one who bought Papyrus his car on the surface (one of the guys at Grillby’s tells you that he spends most of his time checking out car magazines), he helped  him build his sentry station and battle body, and he reads him bed time stories every night. Second of all, although he seems to be a comic relief character at first, he is struggling with major depression (you can find out that he is eating less, he doesn’t sleep much at all at night, he feels hopeless all the time, he seems fatigued all day, and he doesn’t see a point in doing anything at all) and is probably using humor to cope. Finally, there is Sans’ heroism as well as his tragedy: he is one of the only characters who is aware of the resets. First he had to live through Flowey’s endless resets, when he first befriended everyone and then proceeded to kill them all in a variety of ways, presumably being the one to stop him from getting the human souls several times (Flowey tells you that Sans has caused him “more than his fair share of resets”). Then there is YOU, who manage to free the monsters, begrudgingly earn his trust/friendship, and then rip it all away (even worse, he is completely aware of your betrayal; if you reset after a True Pacifist ending, you can find a picture of Frisk smiling happily with all of your friends together, and the only time such a picture is taken is when you all make it to the surface, so he certainly knows that you freed everyone and then returned them to the darkness for your curiosity). And yet despite all of that, despite knowing that fighting you is pointless (especially since he can tell every time he kills you and you load your save file), despite not having hope anymore that he will one day see the sun and remain under its light, he still fights you fiercely on the genocide route, again and again, employing all of his considerable power, but not for himself (he doesn’t hope for anything anymore after all); its because he still wants his brother and his friends to have a better future, because he knows that if you win the world will end and no one will ever return, because he still wants you to reset so that everyone will come back and have another chance at happiness, no matter how brief. Jesus christ, this character gives me all of the feels. I love him so much

As for Undyne, I love how she seems so rough but is actually very sweet to her friends and loved ones, and she cares so much for her fellow monsters, always trying her best for their sake. Also, her crush on Alphys is the cutest thing ever, particularly if you take the time to call her often (you’d be surprised how often she talks about Alphys. Papyrus also tries to encourage her several times to be honest with her feelings, and their dynamic is frankly the best mentor-student relationship I’ve ever seen)

In the case of Flowey, I really like how he is a sort of reflection of the player ingame, especially for those who chose to go through the genocide route (“‘I don’t like this’, I told myself, ‘I’m just doing this because I have to see what happens’ Hahaha, what an excuse!”). And the Asriel twist was truly masterfully executed.

I really empathize with Alphys in a lot of ways, since I struggle with social anxiety myself. Her journey to overcome her self hatred and be honest about her mistakes is really touching. I love how her friends understand that she only had the best of intentions at heart and continue to stand by her when she comes clean about what she did. Friendship can really make all the difference in the world for those of us who are struggling like her in one way or another. Her apparent suicide if you kill Mettaton or Undyne, her pillars of support, is one of the saddest things in the game I think. I also really admire how during genocide she presumably opens up the true lab for the evacuating monsters despite her fears, and if you abandon the genocide route in Hotland she takes charge in order to protect all monsters in Undyne’s stead

When we first meet him, my opinion of Mettaton is the same as Undyne’s; “I don’t really like that guy, but I admire his lifestyle”. However, I really enjoyed his growth as a character after Frisk beats him and his fans remind him of what is truly important. He becomes so much more supportive of his friends, and I really like how he always stays true to who he is, even going so far as to find the body/look that perfectly represented how he felt inside, and later encouraged others to do the same (like giving that one lion his dress)

Finally, we come to one of the most interesting characters, even though they are rarely mentioned and not really seen except in the ending of the genocide route: Chara. Truthfully, I think they are often misunderstood because the biggest impression they make is in said ending, when they take control of Frisk and destroy the world. However, I do not believe Chara was inherently evil. After all there are clear indications that Chara is the narrator of the game (the most obvious being the mirrors in Genocide). They tell you that your determination awakened them from death, and I believe that their spirit becomes attached to yours at the beginning of your adventure, which would explain how you, a human new to the underground, can understand the monsters that can’t speak normally like the Froggits and the snails (notice that their text starts with a noise they make, like “ribbit”, and what they actually mean is in parenthesis) as well as the ancient writing on the walls. After all, Chara lived in the underground long enough to become a sibling to Asriel and become known by all the monsters, it would make sense for them to have learned their language, and then they translate for you. This would also mean that all the funny commentary whenever you check an object or a monster comes from Chara. Also Chara being the narrator would explain why they go silent at one point or another during the battles with Asgore and Toriel (when the description says only “...”). Many people argue that their plan to cross the barrier with Asriel and kill humans means they were evil, but I do not think so, even if they did hate humanity. After all, if they only wanted the power to kill humans they could have killed one of the Dreemurs in their sleep, taken their soul and crossed the barrier with it. Instead, they killed themselves, gave Asriel their soul in order to break the barrier and made a plan to free all of their monster friends and family. Death from buttercup poisoning is not an easy one either (it includes bloody diarrhea, abdominal pain and blistering of the intestines); they had to suffer in terrible agony for days in order to achieve their goal, all for their monster family. People also argue that the fact that they laughed after accidentally poisoning Asgore means they did it on purpose or enjoyed causing him pain, but Undertale shows us many times that sometimes you laugh when the only thing you want to do is cry. There is also this during the fight with the Snowy amalgamate which proves my point: (look below) . Finally, during the battle with Asriel in True Pacifist, you use your memories with your friends in order to save them, but you don’t know Asriel at all, so how do you save him? The answer is simple: Chara shares their memories of him with you, and since they are the narrator, they are also the one who encourages you to use the last of your power to save your friends. In conclusion, I think in the beginning Chara is just a slightly bitter, slightly misguided, sometimes unnecessarily violent child who tried to do their best to protect those they loved, even though in hindsight it might not have been with a good method. In many ways, they remind me of Undyne (specially after MK says that maybe she is mean, not cool, in the True Pacifist ending. That really breaks my heart, when I think about all she has done for monsters in general and MK in particular in other routes. It would also explain why Chara seems to admire her so much, calling her a heroine in every route and seeming horrified by the state of her body when she is killed in neutral routes). This means that what they become in the Genocide route is because of you, and they even tell you so at the end (you are the one who makes them think the only meaning of their reincarnation is acquiring power). It makes sense that seeing everyone they know and love being killed systematically right in front of them would twist them, turn them into something they were never meant to be in order to cope with what is happening. Also, Sans does say that gaining LV causes you to feel less and hurt others more easily. Your actions take that well-intentioned but misguided child and turn them into a demon.

I am so in love with these characters that I cannot do a Genocide route myself. I only know about it from watching playthroughs but I don’t have the heart to destroy their happiness. I only ever did a single run, without resetting once, all the way up to True Pacifist. I like to think that in some universe where they are real, they are living happily on the surface, Sans has had the chance to restore his lost hopes, and resets are no more.

I would also like to thank the Undertale fandom for giving me a home, and so many wonderful ideas to explore. Since Deltarune practically confirms that the Multiverse exists in canon, the possibilities are endless, and the amount of detail and dedication you guys have devoted to building those other realities is truly outstanding. I specially love Underfell, Aftertale (and its close relative Errortale), Underswap, Handplates, Endertale, and Underverse/Xtale. To their creators, thank you for the ideas, the art, and the possibilities. And most of all, thank you Toby Fox for starting us all on this wonderful journey.

And to all my fellow fans: Remember, Always Stay Determined ♥️

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 121: Rocknaldo

“I don't love that. I don't accept that.”

Ronaldo Fryman has always been annoying.

From his first speaking role in Cat Fingers, and his first starring role in Keep Beach City Weird, this has been obvious. He’s selfish and insensitive, dominating every conversation he’s a part of and refusing to respect viewpoints that differ from his. He works well in small doses, where his grating nature can be properly diluted, so it’s understandable that an entire episode of Ronaldo at peak Ronaldo is not a widely beloved entry in the Steven Universe canon. But even though I can’t stand watching Rocknaldo, I actually, uh, kind of love it.

That’s a hard “uh, kind of” though. It’s tough to separate my emotions about this one, because I respect such an incredible portrayal of toxic fandom, but I hate toxic fandom so much that I don’t enjoy spending time with it, even as parody. This isn’t an episode I’m ever in the mood for, but it’s just so good at what it’s doing that I can’t stay mad at it.

Ronaldo’s propaganda is first played for laughs, with Steven’s bewilderment at what he’s reading (“They’re adding mind-controlling minerals to our water suppl—they hate men?”) and the vaudevillian back and forth of Ronaldo’s Rock People talking points and Steven’s quick and absolute dismissals. Ronaldo’s embarrassment is a bit of a surprise considering he’s never seemed capable of such a sensation, and his willingness to admit he’s wrong seems like a good sign, but oh boy does that attitude not last.

The mindset that led Ronaldo to make his bad faith arguments in pamphlet form (which he calls Ronalphlets because heaven forbid we get the idea that it’s not about him) persists, and it’s so much worse in conversation than as printed media. It’s not enough that he impedes on Steven’s personal space, but he checks off multiple key items on the Pathetic Internet Troll I Find Useless List (or “PITIFUL” if we’re using proper jargon). He’s casually sexist. He negs Steven into accepting his intrusions. He gatekeeps the concept of being a “true” Crystal Gem, which is lousy in a bubble but so much worse in practice because he’s doing it to an actual Crystal Gem. He gaslights by stating his incorrect views as obvious facts, complete with his own lingo, to make Steven question his own validity. And perhaps worst of all, he takes advantage of Steven’s empathetic nature to pretend that a tolerant person must accept abuse.

On the one hand, Ronaldo’s extreme behavior can be chalked up to severe sleep loss; that’s certainly the angle the episode goes for. But on the other, his toxicity begins well before he decides to stop sleeping, and as someone whose record for consecutive waking hours is an inadvisable thirty-six, fatigue will make you cranky, but it won’t make you more conniving. In cartoon world it’s a clean device to up Ronaldo’s awfulness in a way we can walk back from, but ugh he’s still a trashfire. Zach Callison always deserves kudos, and Rocknaldo is no exception, but Zachary Steel wins out here for capturing such a loathsome version of his character.

A key ingredient for Rocknaldo is timing. Steven just had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, and this is our first glimpse at how it’s changed him, so what better way to test our all-loving hero than to pit him against a black hole of selfishness? He’s grown a lot since Keep Beach City Weird in a way Ronaldo hasn’t, and while his instinct is still kindness, now there’s a welcome dose of teen moodiness mixed in. 

It takes a while for Steven to realize it’s a grift, but beyond this slowness being a necessity for the conflict of the episode to work, it makes sense for where he’s at this point in the show. Again, kindness is an instinct for this kid, and even when Ronaldo starts getting infuriating, we’ve seen Steven be patient with him before. He’s also got that martyr complex revved up: this isn’t the first or last time he’s been willing to suffer to make someone else comfortable. He knows how much it sucks to be called the wrong name by now, so he’s the only person who consistently calls Ronaldo “Bloodstone.” And considering Rose Quartz wasn’t what he thought, he now feels that he must double his efforts to be his best self to compensate.

Also important is Steven’s willingness to defend his friends from the start, calling the term “Rock People” offensive and defending the Gems’ decision to leave Ronaldo behind on a dangerous mission. He can take Ronaldo’s lousiness all day, but finally snaps when Connie’s worthiness is insulted. It’s sweet that he sticks up for people, but it’s a bummer that he probably would’ve put up with Ronaldo even longer if the only one suffering was himself. Steven would do anything for his friends, but he’s not doing much for Steven.

This is why Ronaldo is the ideal antagonist for an episode coming off Steven’s space adventure. Steven’s selflessness contrasts perfectly with Ronaldo’s selfishness, but instead of a story about selflessness being good and selfishness being bad, we see how selflessness isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Yes, it’s good to care about others, but it’s also important to have boundaries and enough self-respect to defend yourself; this isn’t even the first time we’ve gotten this message, but it bears repeating. There’s are limits to tolerance that trolls will always exploit (“White Nationalists aren’t welcome here? So much for the ‘Tolerant Left!’”), and on a show about empathy we need for Steven (and the audience) to see that empathy doesn’t mean being a doormat.

Steven’s patience fuels the episode, but the wheels are greased by the Amethyst and Pearl’s disdain. It’s a minor part of Rocknaldo, but I’m not sure I could survive how grating Ronaldo is without some backup from the Gems.

Garnet may lead a slow clap at Steven’s rousing speech on the nature of acceptance, but Amethyst is happy to crack jokes at Ronaldo’s self-seriousness, down to that perfect impression near the end of the episode. Meanwhile, Pearl openly hates the guy. We don’t even get Sassy Pearl (perhaps the greatest Pearl of all), she’s just bluntly dismissive as a refreshing antidote to Steven’s hospitality. She doesn’t bother to remember his ridiculous new name because she refuses to humor the notion that he’s a Gem, and it totally works for me; misnaming is played for drama when Steven is concerned, as befits the trans allegory that comes to a head in Change Your Mind, but Ronaldo is a human belittling Steven’s identity by pretending he shares it, so “Bloodstone” isn’t worth getting right to her (it helps that “Fryrocko” is also a delightful thing to call somebody). This jokey take on names works in the moment, but more importantly primes us for a more serious take in our last scene.

The final conversation, after a rare time jump, does salvage Ronaldo somewhat. He apologizes and admits he was acting like a jerk, and remains dedicated to helping the Crystal Gems in his own weird way. But the root of his problem isn’t gonna up and go away, and that root, again, is selfishness. He doesn’t fit in because he would rather the world adjust to meet his whims than take a single step towards self-improvement, so he chooses to see himself as “the ultimate outsider.” I guess it’s nice to find a positive spin on qualities you’re not great at, but it reeks of self-importance in a way that’s true to the character but is still frustrating to watch. Ronaldo is very good at being who he is, but I just don’t have much patience for intentionally annoying characters.

Still, we get that lovely moment of Steven talking about his name; it’s not a big revelation that folks only call him Rose Quartz when they’re mad at him, but verbalizing it shows that he’s aware of the pattern. The issue of his name will pop up more and more, becoming a cornerstone of both the Season 4 and Season 5 finales, so it’s nice to discuss it in a calm moment so we can keep Steven’s opinion in the back of our minds when things get messy. Ronaldo, to his credit, asks permission before sharing this story on his pamphlet, and evokes fellow emotionally-challenged antagonist Zuko in his attempt at solidarity. (Fun fact: in no other way is Ronaldo similar to Zuko.)

Moving from Zuko to Zuke: I don’t know where Rocknaldo’s production lined up on the timeline of the Steven Universe fandom's worst elements harassing Jesse Zuke, but I hope Zuke got some level of catharsis in portraying such “fans” in this pathetic manner. Speaking as a guy with a blog, calling Ronaldo “just a guy with a blog” is perfect putdown for a loser that makes himself feel big by pretending to know how to run a ship better than the captain. Imagine if I spent every post saying how much better of a storyteller I am than this crew. Ugh.

Fandoms can do great things, but man are they pros at doing horrible things. During the week that I wrote this review, a 15-year-old Super Smash Bros player got yelled off the internet for beating an established player in an incredible fashion, because while the community adores a young upstart, they can’t stand when that upstart is a girl. And no, I’m not saying the entire fandom did it, just as the entire Steven Universe fandom didn’t target one of the show’s best boarders (note that this article was written when Zuke still went by Lauren), but there are more than enough Ronaldos in every community, and it’s up to people who comprehend the basic tenets of empathy provided by a show they claim to love to stand up to such bullies.

If you don’t like Rocknaldo, that’s just fine. Because you shouldn’t like how Ronaldo acts in it. Liking something doesn’t give you the right to harass people, so do your part in shutting that nonsense down. 

I’ve never been to this…how do you say…school?

Just give us an episode with Peridot, Yellow Pearl, Peedee, and Ronaldo trapped in a room already.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

I hate watching this episode, but that doesn’t mean I hate the episode. It does its job very well, which is worthy of admiration even if I’m probably never going to watch it again now that this review is done.

Top Twenty

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

Last One Out of Beach City

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Mindful Education

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Earthlings

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Bismuth

Steven’s Dream

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Chille Tid

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Catch and Release

When It Rains

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Crack the Whip

Beta

Back to the Moon

Kindergarten Kid

Buddy’s Book

Gem Harvest

Three Gems and a Baby

That Will Be All

The New Crystal Gems

Storm in the Room

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Greg the Babysitter

Gem Hunt

Steven vs. Amethyst

Bubbled

Adventures in Light Distortion

Gem Heist

The Zoo

Rocknaldo

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

Know Your Fusion

Future Boy Zoltron

No Thanks!

     6. Horror Club      5. Fusion Cuisine      4. House Guest      3. Onion Gang      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure

[toonstarterz]

BECAUSE I’M NOT POPULAR, I’LL READ WATAMOTE: CHAPTER #160

After a long week of repeating quizzes, forging apology letters, and unexpected-but-not-really bonding, Tomoko and Yoshida are finally free to go. As the barrier separating Tomoko’s suspension and the outside world with her friends is finally lifted, we get to see just how both parties have grown from this experience. Even if Tomoko’s apology was more or less half-assed, something may have been gained after all...

Chapter 160: Because I’m Not Popular, It’s The Last Day Of Suspension

Whaddup, Tomoki? Your eye bags aren’t so heavy today. Is that artistic oversight, or has Tomoko’s suspension taken a load off your stress level?

Oh yeah, I had forgotten that Tomoki heads to school earlier than Tomoko does. He used to get really anal about avoiding his sister in the mornings, but it looks like he’s not so objectionable about it anymore... 

Is that how it works? I've never worked at a huge company with a sports club other than a fantasy football league, so I don’t have much of a reference. But if Tomoko is correct, then my assumption is that the sports clubs are used to indirectly promote “company loyalty” and get more work mileage out of their employees.  

It’s casual conversations like this that really show just much Tomoko and Tomoki’s sibling relationship has improved since way back then. Sure, they still take potshots at each other, but it’s more in the realm of affectionate brother-sister banter now. The days where they openly held the other with actual disdain have finally come to an end.

Not that they want to look particularly close when out in public, of course. 

It’s only the second page, and we’re already getting hit with the heartwarming feels? Damn, this is gonna be a tearjerker chapter, ain’t it?

As this chapter soon verifies, the last day of suspension is nothing short of formalities and kissing ass. 

Wow, it took the whole week to get full marks on those worksheets? Maybe I’m missing something here, but I’m not sure they’re really learning anything from those suspension packets if they’re just regurgitating answers.

Also, Dead-Eyes Teacher can actually smile? How about that.

Tomoko’s apathy towards her progress here leaves me wondering: Just how much do the teachers really think suspension is inspiring students to do better? My guess has always been that suspension is like a prison in principle in that it’s more about reforming them than punishment. It may work for some, though I’m inclined to believe that most of them just want to pay their dues and leave with very little actual reflection on their actions, like Yoshida’s perpetually blank face seems to suggest.   

Well, I suppose the lack of classroom distractions had to account for something, right? Though having her friends around could be seen as both a hindrance and a benefit towards her study habits.

There’snospecialmeaningforwhyMakosaidYoshida’snamefirst. 

There’snospecialmeaningforwhyMakosaidYoshida’snamefirst.

There’snospecialmeaningforwhyMakosaidYoshida’snamefirst.

There’snospecialmeaningforwhyMakosaidYoshida’snamefirst.

...darn it.

So on the Indifference Scale, she just slightly dips in favor of wanting to see them.

Oh Yuri, I know that being noncommittal is kind of your thing, but no one’s going to give you a hard time for wanting to see your friends, especially Mako. 

Do I sense a flash mob in the workings here? That’d be pretty lit.

So Katou actually does have some awareness that the idiosyncrasies of her behavior are, in fact, idiosyncrasies. I guess you don’t get to be as beloved as Katou unless you had some common sense. 

Even though we all already knew the answer, there’s something oddly relieving to hear it from Katou herself. I think it’s largely out of a sense of empathy for Fuuka, since she’s been strung along for so long, but also because it comes across as “humbling” to hear the on-top-of-the-pedestal Katou accept the truth.

That’s what happens when your expectations don’t match up with reality. You build up this impression for so long that you can’t help but feel jaded when it turns out to not be true, even if you didn’t actually want it to happen.

I call it the Ucchi Effect. 

Nooooo, Katou, you had it in the bag! You should have quit while you’re ahead!

But yeah. Katou didn’t really need to bring this up, so a part of me wants to think that she’s using the whole hair-touching moment as a consolation when the whole groping thing didn’t work out. 

Still, it’s kind of unnerving that she finds the idea of Tomoko, or anyone really wanting to touch her...there to be so humorous...

What goes around comes around. Stay strong, Fuuka. 

We get to see Yoshida’s mom?!?!

Officially the best chapter ever. 

I love how this whole time, the teachers have been pestering Yoshida to look more presentable. I’m not sure if Yoshida is being actively defiant or if she’s just clueless about these sorts of things, but I do appreciate that she complies without much fuss.

Getting those parent-teacher conference vibes right about now. The only difference is that those are some swanky couches.

I wonder if Nico Tanigawa just drew up a bunch of random old guys for this “Presidents Throughout The Years” or if they were based on real people. 

So...Yoshida’s mom. She definitely has the air of a high-powered career woman, what with the suit and all. It’s pretty ironic considering she has a delinquent like Yoshida for a daughter, but at the same time, maybe it isn’t. It’s been hinted before that Yoshida may come from a well-off family, so having a mom making a generous salary seems pretty plausible. Makes you wonder if Yoshida’s delinquent-ness is some form of rebellion...

I totally expected that Tomoko and Yoshida would have to do something like this, but still. FUUUUUUUUU–

In the immortal words of Tomoko Kuroki...

“How do I bullshit my way out of this one?”

Well, for what it’s worth, the principal looks like a nice, reasonable guy. But as Tomoko has proven time and again, you can never be too careful. Though I have to say, I’m surprised Tomoko would even consider screwing around instead of going right for the safe option. Having an active social life has really given her enough courage to take some risks, even if they end up with bad results more often than not.

So she thinks the principal is one of those perpetually smiling assassins you see in isekai series? That’s really chuuni and I love it.

So in the end, she takes the safe route. Fair enough, but her response is so stock and wooden that you just know it's gonna come to bite her in the ass.

In the midst of all the bullshitting, some of Tomoko’s honestly ends up rising to the surface. It’s the kind of unintended sincerity that really warms my heart. This whole arc has been a great opportunity for the adults in Tomoko’s life to recognize her unexpected popularity, so I’m sure Principal-san will offer some words of wisdom that Tomoko will take to heart for the rest for her li–

Nah, just kidding. Principal’s a troll.

I find it hilarious that Reina’s been put through the suspension wringer so many times, that it stopped being anything worth remembering. For all we know, suspension was just another Tuesday for her.

Of all the recurring characters, who would’ve thought the dog would be one of them? 

...

But seriously, whose dog is this?

Delinquent girls laughing at dirty jokes is ironically wholesome to me.

“Do you’re best!” you say? All the evidence points to Ucchi finally going forward with her apology to Tomoko. Of course, Lady Luck will have it be that something will get in her way. And the way this is playing out, we’re going to have the single greater encounter this series’ has ever given us.

The fact that Ucchi can accuse this dog of being gross just because it kind of resembles Tomoko is so stupidly unrealistic and stupidly hilarious at the same time. Girl needs to start majoring in gross-ology. 

Poor Emoji Girl just had a Freudian Slip that sums up her Tomoko-philia. 

Probably the most reasonable “Gross!” Ucchi has said in a long time.

I wasn’t sure if Tomopup’s appearance was just artistic license, but it turns out the dog looks just as freaky to us as it does in-universe.

Huh. So unlike Yuri, Mako gets both the first name and -chan suffix? Maybe the girl’s just that naturally personable.

I feel like calling out Katou for asserting dominance would be a drastically unsupported claim that would be built upon unreasonable shipping desires.

But that piercing gaze of hers makes that notion hard to assert.

How the tables have turned, eh? I wouldn’t say Mako was being that hypocritical; more like she gained a bit of rebellion during the week while Yuri learned to restrain herself a little bit. A push and pull you could say. 

Is this foreshadowing for integrating Yoshida’s delinquent buddies into the Class 3-5 group? Please, please please make it so!

Anna really does like to look on the bright side of things, huh? It’s a great perspective to have around, especially when you have a Reina in your group, who tends to see the world around her as a half-empty glass.  

I’ve been made aware that Mrs. Yoshida was actually apologizing for her daughter’s actions and not her own, which suggests that blaming others whenever you can is in the family blood. Even so, Yoshida’s mom is unexpectedly adorable (though given who her daughter is, it’s not that surprising). Perhaps she and Mrs. Kuroki ought to start a support group for Mothers With Troublesome Daughters. 

Speaking of which, can we get Yuri’s mom in the picture, too, Nico? You know, for reasons...

Ditching her own mom when the lady had to take time out of her schedule to represent her daughter’s suspended ass? The Yoshida household sounds like a fun ride (I say “ride” because prolonged exposure to Yoshida’s family sounds dangerous). 

Not to toot my own horn, but I always knew that if a time ever came where Tomoko had to leave her mother behind to see her explicitly named friends, her mom would encourage her without question. 

When it comes to apologies, acknowledgments, and the like, Tomoko is always late to the party. But even if it's at the very last second, she’ll get around to it. Tomoko’s relationship with her mom is probably the least we’ve seen since their familial love has always been more implicit. So seeing Tomoko outright admit that she really does appreciate her mother is incredibly heartwarming. 

Hey, hey, hey! That looks like a callback to the afterparty Tomoko told her mom she was going to at the end of her second year. Looks like it really left a positive impression on TomoMom.  

Not gonna mince words–seeing Tomoko’s mom look so proud of her daughter brings a tear to my eyes. 

She’s never really admitted it before (as far as we know), but Tomoko’s mom really was concerned about her daughter’s lack of friends at the start of high school. Some have accused her of being a bad mother for not taking a more active role in Tomoko’s social growth, but I was never in that camp. Sure, TomoMom’s not perfect, and she could’ve shown more of an interest, but I think it did Tomoko some good that her mother never judged her. Expressing her concern without badgering her daughter is peak mothering right there.

To reiterate what every fan thought at this shot: This looks like a series finale.

It rare for a chapter to end so unabashedly happy like this, but that rarity makes it all the more sweeter when it does happen. It dials it up to eleven when you realize what this means for the series going forward. One of the uncertainties Watamote has addressed is the possibility that everyone will drift apart once high school ends. Well, this single moment gives us a little test on that theory. Even if Tomoko were to disappear for a week, her friends will still be there for her. And even if it doesn’t work out as well once they go out into the “real world”, it looks like, as her mom says, Tomoko will be fine now.

And thus the curtain falls on the Suspension Arc. We’ve still got a few hurdles to overcome, but for now, things look sunny in the world of Watamote.

[wandernic]

My SPOILERY Be More Chill review

In honor of tonight’s opening, I wanted to put together my impressions of the show, brought to you by five off-Broadway and four Broadway preview viewings. I will divide things up by scene/song to better order my thoughts. Please DO NOT read if you haven’t seen or don’t know the story well already. 

(In that case, here’s a mini-review for you: GOOOOO SEE THIS! Okay now do yourself a favor and close this window.)

More Than Survive:

I like the change to Mr. Heere just eating cereal in his underwear, and unable to drive Jeremy to school. This better conveys Jeremy's real frustration with his dad being mentally checked out than the (admittedly funnier) off-Broadway scene, which just made Jeremy seem grossed out by him.

I miss the Chloe-Jake breakup scene a bit, but it didn't really add much to the narrative other than seeing them as a couple for a brief moment. The next mini-scene where Jenna addresses the breakup with Chloe accomplishes what's needed, plus adds to Jenna's narrative as the girl everyone goes to for the dirt and nothing else.

I Love Play Rehearsal:

I would shower Stephanie Hsu with multiple Tonys for this scene alone. Her Christine is equal parts adorable and batshit, and we can easily see why Jeremy finds her so much more fascinating than the conventionally attractive popular girls at school.

Minor gripe: BRING BACK JAKE'S DAB. That shit was hilarious, and in a simple move showed how Jake, while trying to live up to the cool jock everyone knows him to be, has the same amount of dork inside that everyone does.  

The Squip Song:

Ugh I get they're trying to clean this up for a staid Broadway audience, but Rich drawing the penis on the wall and brazenly peeing in front of Jeremy are both missed. Not just for the humor, but because without it Rich just seems like his Squip made him merely mean, instead of confident. That confidence would presumably be what Rich was seeking with a Squip, not to become a garden variety bully, so it loses something in the translation when Rich isn't displaying that through his inappropriate jokes.

I do appreciate Rich's bullying of Jeremy being stepped up, because it's important we get a fuller idea of Jeremy's suffering. Off-Broadway, it just came across as "I can't get the girl I dig and a boy at school sometimes says shitty things." Though certainly emotional bullying is awful, its pervasiveness over a long period of time is hard to convey in a few short scenes. Having Rich also physically intimidate Jeremy makes you feel Jeremy's fear in a palpable way, which leads you to sympathize more with him.

Also can we give Gerard Canonico a Tony merely for the "It's from Japan!" scream? I think, yes. Seriously, his performance in this role is so iconic, it's hard to imagine another actor playing Rich.

Two-Player Game:

The perfect scene for conveying the true dynamic of Jeremy and Michael's friendship. That dynamic being, Michael is a much better friend to Jeremy than Jeremy is to Michael. This is one of the challenges for Will Roland in portraying Jeremy: he is not an easily likeable character. Yes, Jeremy is bullied at school, but he also makes everything about him, his needs, his pain, etc. There isn't a moment in which Jeremy checks to see how Michael's doing (lest we forget Michael is also bullied - the backpack prank was pulled on him, too.) So this song works as both a fun bop, and as a display of the unequal nature of this friendship.

Also, on the whole I *love* Chase Brock's choreography. Especially in "Halloween" and the utterly phenomenal "The Pitiful Children." The one exception is when Jeremy and Michael get up from the bed to finish this song; these moves are clunky and not sharp. It's hard to tell if executed more crisply, they would work better for me, or if the actors are intentionally sort of keeping it loose to demonstrate that these dudes are not as cool as their peers.

Be More Chill:

Jeremy's Squip being activated and the ultimate dramatic appearance of that Squip is one of my favorite moments in the show. My God, the evolution of the Squip from last summer has me floored. It was always good, but what Jason Tam is doing with this character now is must-see. This Squip is like an emotionally abusive partner. He coldy points out what he sees as your flaws, then smooth talks you about your amazing potential, and you forget that you were ever hurt or mad to begin with. Rinse, repeat. He also reminds me of the current administration, in that he'll say something totally out of bounds, then quickly walk it back to where he really wanted you, and you're temporarily swayed by the dial-down that he's not so bad after all. Fucking masterful.

If this man isn't nominated, seriously fuck the Tonys.

Do You Wanna Ride?

What I love most about this besides its hilarity is that it shows a bit of quid pro quo in the seemingly one-sided Chloe/Brooke friendship. While Chloe pretty openly treats Brooke poorly on multiple occasions, when Brooke wants an assist in trying to get Jeremy to say yes, Chloe immediately jumps to her cue and joins in. This is actually more than Jeremy ever helps Michael with anything in the entirety of the show, which is pretty fucking sad when you think about it.

Katlyn Carlson and Lauren Marcus have perfect chemistry as the best frenemies we'd love to hate if only we didn't kind of totally love them so damn much.

Be More Chill Part 2:

I liked the staging for this better at Signature. It serviced the choreography much better when they didn't throw a mall fountain mid-stage that forces them to redirect the dance moves in a less visually striking manner. I especially miss the hoveround rolling down center stage with the mall shoppers trailing behind it. We've already been to Payless and the food court; we know it's a mall. The fountain is unnecessary. Also, can we give Troy a better alter-ego when he goes on? The Starbucks get-up just looks like Michael went to work at his mall job and for some unknown reason put a wig on.

Sync Up:

I love the expansion of the supporting roles in the show, something this song supports to great effect. I don't have a lot more to say on this scene since it's new to Broadway, and I don't remember as much as the other scenes.  Also I believe before this song is when Jeremy ditches his glasses, and I like the change from first preview in how that was accomplished (though I did laugh at the Spiderman rip-off that first night).

A Guy That I'd Kinda Be Into:

I MISS THE PART WHERE BROOKE NODS HER HEAD ALONG WITH CHLOE WHILE LECTURING CHRISTINE. This is in all caps because that shit was comic gold; why take it out? It also demonstrated how in tune with Chloe's whims and emotions Brooke is, which is to say, too much. If I can't have this back, I'm going to at least need someone to explain why it was taken out.

I believe this scene is where the Squip puzzles over the person Christine is, and I love both that she's entirely confounded him, and that post-song, she ultimately defeats his carefully constructed plotting just by being the unpredictable person she is.

As for the song, this has been unchanged that I can see, and that's because it does exactly what it needs to do well.

Upgrade:

One of the best changed scenes from Signature. It was fine there, but is much more fleshed out now, and gives more insight into many of the characters that is needed and appreciated. I especially appreicated the added dialogue between Jeremy and Brooke, in which we get Brooke's insight into her self-doubt, and how Jeremy's seeming interest moved her.  

I did prefer how the Squip insinuated himself more in this scene at the first preview. When he was trying to get Jeremy to get with Brooke, he pretty much physically climbed on him to push him into her on the bleachers. In a future preview, the Squip stood completely away from them onstage, directing Jeremy with hand motions, and I didn't think that worked at. All. Last Sunday, he stood near them and physically pushed Jeremy with just his hand to kiss Brooke; while an improvement, it still wasn't as effective as the first preview for two reasons.

One, the complete disregard for personal space is just much funnier. Two and more importantly, when the Squip was literally pushing Jeremy's body into Brooke's with his own (imaginary) body, it demonstrated an important aspect of the Squip's control of Jeremy. What looks like the Squip being physically seductive is really a demonstration of his seduction of Jeremy's mind. This is significant, because Jeremy ends up doing a lot of things he doesn't particularly want to do, but the Squip seduces him into thinking he does. I found that incredibly effective.

Loser, Geek, Whatever:

My gripe with this otherwise effective scene is the singing of the song itself. Every time it starts to build steam melodically, it's cut off by Jeremy saying/shouting so many of the lyrics. The build-up then has to start again, leaving the song to finish up not as impactful as it could be. This could be a barn-burner Act 1 closer, and instead it's just pretty good. Also I don't know how Will Roland takes that loooooong end note up and down and back again, and still belt as powerfully at the end of it as the start. The show must be using some new can't-even-look-it-up-on-the-internet technology to pump air into his lungs from backstage. This actor has taken on a very difficult character and pitched it just on the line of where it needs to be to work. So impressive.

Halloween:

Love the song. LOVE the choreo (lookin' at you, Chase Brock.) Love LOVE the addition of the Squip front and center. This makes so much sense, because by manipulating Jeremy he's really manipulating all of them, and his inclusion in the midst of the party instead of on its periphery demonstrates this incredibly well.

I don't love the substitution of a pumpkin candle for a gas can. What even was that thought process? That sucks up the drama of that moment almost entirely. What level of foreboding does one accomplish with a pumpkin?

This scene contains my only major problem with the show, and that is Jake's sudden and unexplained loss of interest in Christine. Are we to infer that they slept together once and that's all Jake was after? And that all of his character development in Act 1 was bullshit? In which case what was the point of developing his character at all? This whole thing could be easily fixed by a line or two where Jake realizes he still has feelings for Chloe, but that never happens. I haven't seen the show since last Sunday (when multiple people told me it was locked in), so I hope since that time they've unlocked it to fix the one glaring flaw, either clarifying Jake is a dick, or Jake misunderstood his own feelings. In any event, Britton is absolutely CRUSHING IT with the nuances of Jake, and I can't wait to hear him on the Broadway cast album.

Do You Wanna Hang?:

Katlyn Carlson is a comic genius. All the little touches she throws into this hilariously awful attempt at seduction are amazing. The only part of this I liked better at Signature is when Jeremy asks her if she's jealous, and in this version she's crying while saying "obviously not." (Or at least she was on Sunday). I think this works better if she immediately *stops* crying at that point, playing it like it's the most absurd possible question Jeremy could ask.

Michael in the Bathroom:

Alternate title: George Salazar at the Tonys

Michael is quite simply the beating heart of this show, an odd role for a supporting character. As played by George, he is that quirky, too weird to be popular but too sweet to not love friend that if we were very lucky, we had growing up. Michael is so important because to be frank, Jeremy is kind of a self-involved dick. That would make the show entirely dependent on Will Roland's ability to make us relate to Jeremy through those trials he faces that we've all experienced - and he does an amazing job. But he also gets a Herculean assist from George, who so convincingly relates how steadfast and loyal to Jeremy Michael is, it makes us believe there's something special in Jeremy that warranted this devotion.

A Guy That I'd Kinda Be Into (Reprise):

During the couch scene between Jeremy and Christine, they've cut out Christine's very valid explanation as to why she can't date Jeremy (it involved getting to know herself better first). This is a problem, because it doesn't make sense at the end of the show when she likes him - we never see why she made that leap, so we're meant to assume she likes him for doing the bare minimum of correcting his own mistake. The way it was at Signature, we find out at least that she just isn't in a head space to date someone on the heels of her breakup with Jake, which shows she could be interested in Jeremy once she gets past that.

The Smartphone Hour:

Easily one of my favorite scenes. Tiffany Mann as Jenna is a delight from start to finish, and this is her moment to shine. Her comic sensibility is perfection. Lauren and Katlyn chime in with equally hilarious support.

My only complaint in this number is the slight lyric change to "Jake's house." For pity's sake, we just spent three or four songs at Jake's party; I promise you, we grasp who's house it is. And the change ruins the flow of the song a bit.

The Pants Song:

Okay yes this song is sweetly funny and does exactly what is needed to advance the plot here. But I just want to talk about Jason SweetTooth Williams overall right now. HOW IS HE A REAL PERSON THAT CAN SO EFFORTLESSLY JUMP FROM ROLE TO ROLE WITHIN SECONDS WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT. Mr. Reyes and his delusions of grandeur is my favorite, but Williams brings equal skill to all his roles, including Jeremy's dad. What a talent.

The Pitiful Children/The Play:

This may be my favorite song. Especially with the song, choreography, and performances here, this show is firing simultaneously on all cylinders. I also love that Jeremy and Jenna have an extended conversation that lets us know her a little more. Tiffany Mann gives a heartfelt authenticity to this that is lovely.

I think this is the scene where these critiques go (apologies if not). I wish Jeremy didn't tell his Squip "you were supposed to make Christine like me!" One thing I love about Jeremy is that he is not really into the popular girls, but the most interesting girl. He digs Christine because of all that she is.

When he says this line, he is upset because the Squip didn't make Christine do what he wanted, meaning he now wants her to change to like him. I think this would work better and make Jeremy come across as less of an incel if the line were more like, "you were supposed to make me someone Christine would like!" It was, after all, himself that Jeremy was looking to change - not Christine, who he loves as she is. That is this character's saving grace, and this diminishes it a bit.

That said, I do think there was an overcorrection in trying to make Jeremy more likeable. In the three previews I saw before Sunday, Jeremy tricks Jenna into drinking the Squip-spiked drink. In the last version I saw, he actually tells her what it is, and she immediately drinks it. It's pretty unrealistic that she would do that. Worse, it conflicts with Jeremy's "you were supposed to make Christine like me!" outburst. If we must allow for the fact the Squip has gained so much control of Jeremy he no longer cares that Christine likes him of her own choosing, he's certainly not going to care about respecting Jenna's need to consent to taking the Squip. Given the choice, I would either change Jeremy's line about making Christine like him, or his choice to tell Jenna what's in the drink. Back-to-back, they don't give us a good sense of how much control the Squip has of Jeremy at that point.

After Jeremy and Michael battle everyone and Jeremy makes his final choice, as the result becomes clear, Michael bizarrely explains what is happening on the spot. This makes little sense, especially in light of the fact that at the hospital, he asks Jeremy how he knew what would result from what he did. Um, he didn't know, you literally explained it to him in the middle of the last scene, bro. I would omit Michael's inexplicably instantaneous explanation from the Play scene and let the audience sit with the aftermath a moment, before having it clarified in the hospital scene.

Voices in my Head:

Not a fan of the lyric changes here, which seem to water down the edge of the teens ("she probably thinks that acne is hot") to morph them into Stepford children ("we got your back 'cause we are your squad" - vomit). Otherwise, this scene wraps everything up well and leaves you satisfield with the weird, wild journey you just went on.

What a score (my #1 favorite in all of musical theater history), what a cast, what a show! If there are not multiple Tonys thrown at this masterpiece, any significance the Tonys have is null and void.

In short, GET THERE or you’re missing the show of the year!

[arkus-rhapsode]

Captain Marvel Movie: My Thoughts

So I just went to see Marvel’s Captain Marvel and I have some opinions. Repeat, these are opinions. You are free to disagree with me if you so desire. I respect your decision, and I simply wish to tell you that this is not an objective dissection of this film. But before I do, I will be warning you (obviously) Spoilers Ahead. I will be putting this under the cut.

Other thing I’m warning of this (I cannot believe I’m doing this). I know this film has been having some controversy. And frankly I don’t give a shit. As someone has actually, y’know, watched the movie, I can say nothing about the controversy seems to have any effect on this film, nor should it. I’m saying my piece as a film goer.

So one last time spoilers ahead. You have been warned.

So before I talk about the film proper. I would like to give my general opinions the comic Captain Marvel Carol Danvers. I love her. I love Carol Danvers as character, she, in my opinion, is Marvel’s Wonder Woman. Her no nonsense attitude, but compassionate heart, would make for a great character in a solo film. As well as add some much needed diversity in terms personality in Marvel’s cast (Trust me, I was relieved by Black Panther actually not making jokes and being primarily serious).

I should also say, I love Marvel Cosmic. Seriously, Marvel’s cosmic stuff is so creative and you better believe I’m all for seeing them finally come to the big screen. To see the Kree and Skrull finally fight on the big screen, hell yeah. I was expecting the adaptation to have changes because getting the concept of the Cotati and the Celestials. But as long as its done well, it can work.

And boy oh boy, this movie was kinda underwhelming. Yeah, its not even like backlash hype, but this movie was kinda boring. It says something when during the first third of the film I checked my phone’s time. Yeah... Not a great sign. I do wanna say this though, the film does pick up after the first act. Like really it improves as it goes on, but boy is it bit of a hump.

Again, I wanna make this clear. This movie is fine. I recall people walking out of the theater saying I liked it. And as this is a marvel movie, it is better than other genuinely bad movies. But unfortunately as it isn’t strong one way or the other, its not in the best area. I didn’t mind that I saw it. For something to do for 2 hours it was nice. It got a few good laughs out of me. But boy this was... Kinda textbook Marvel film.

Okay, people have a tendency to say Marvel’s too formulaic or its too childish at times. And this movie fixes that. Oh not by twisting those formulas on its head like Black Panther. No it does the formula and removes most of charm. Yeah, this movie is Marvel films distilled. Everything in this film, you have seen done somewhere else, and done better.

Okay maybe I should get into the story. The story is again fine. It almost feels like a syfy channel original at times. And maybe that comes from the fact this movie had 5 writers and 2 directors. Cause boy this film is all over the place.

At first it seems like its all Kree vs Skrull, but its never really elaborated on why. There is no bitter history or reason other than they are skrull. Which is weird cause this film is exposition heavy. There’s one moment that sticks out and that was Monica telling Carol about her dad and her having a bad relationship. Now granted we saw a glimpse of this during one of many flashing sequences, but its never truly let sink. Its just the bare minimum. And Carol’s relationship with her dad and how he treated her is a big part of who she is.

But back to the juggling plots, when Carol lands on earth it seems like they wanna go the Thor 1 route while also there being a secret invasion. Which could work. Y’know, start of with the war, then Carol is trying to stop the invading Skrull who are planning on using the earth. But then it becomes a McGuffin run. Where the skrull apparently only want this lightspeed engine, and Carol must stop them cause... Skrull.

But then it turns out the Skrull are actually the victims this whole time and we need to get them off here before the Kree kill them. And I’m sure your asking, “what is even the point of this already?”

And that’s just the thing. This film is trying to be clever, but simultaneously, its really behind the times. Its almost fitting this is in the 90s as this feels like a 90s family movie. Its just so bland. Like got this ship dog fight in a canyon, its got the friend who lets the heroes go when they are suspects, and its got the whole, I was originally from here by looking at a photograph. By trying to be many things, it end up being nothing. Its just kinda okay. Not a bad movie, but when you’re in phase 3, this is shockingly more.

If this was like phase 1, maybe. But if you are expecting a Wonder Woman style film, this one is blown out of the water by WW. And I’m a guy who’s Marvel leaning when it comes to comics. But no Marvel, banking on this, its outdated.

In terms of characters, lets talk about Carol herself and her performance. Brie Larson is not a bad actress, but boy... The problem with her in this film is that Carol isn’t consistent in characterization. There are times in this film where I’m like, “Amazing, you got Carol.” Then there are times where she acts like a generic marvel protag. And then there are time “you really wanna go with that take?”

A wise word I heard was that how you know someone is the right fit for a marvel hero is you can see no one else playing that role. You can’t see Nick Fury not being played by Samuel L Jackson, you can’t see Iron Man not being played by Robert Downey Jr. etc. And unfortunately, I can see Carol being played by someone else. And it didn’t help that person was in this film.

Lashana Lynch acted her ass off in this film and was a better Carol Danvers than Carol Danvers. She played Maria Rambeau (Though really she’s playing Monica Rambeau in spirit, but given the time period, Monica is actually a little girl, but Maria acts exactly how you’d expect Monica to act from the comics and wibbily wobbly timey wimey) who is acting circles around Larson. She’s allowed to be very human while express a full range of emotions. While Carol is just kinda bland. (Also doesn’t help Monica was actually captain marvel before carol while she was still Miss Marvel) So if that’s one thing this movie got me eager for, it’s Monica Rambeau in the MCU.

Sam Jackson does a great job and is basically the linchpin of comedy in this movie. Yeah this movie’s humor is kinda non existent for a while. Again, it gets better as the film goes, but its again a slog. That said, Jackson handles the roles like a champ and is doing his best.

Talos was actually doing pretty good as a villain. He’s not Loki or Vulture, but he’s closer to Darren Cross from Ant Man. Having fun, while trying to be menacing. But he’s not a villain. Literally, the twist in this movie is the Kree were bad this whole time. Even though the point of the kree-skrull conflict is that both sides are wrong, nope. Skrull are the victims and they’re refugees. Christ, this movie basically told me, “Yeah, you’re never getting super skrull or a good secret invasion.” Christ.

All in all he turns in my favrite performance, but his Jason Statham impression is kinda distracting. I really think he could���ve been a good adversary in a better script.

No are real villain is Yon and he is basically Kaecilius from Doctor Strange. He’s Carol’s handler, he does that whole, playful banter while fighting thing. Then he disappears from film. Then it turns out that he’s the one who shot down Carol and that he’s the real villain. And he is not interesting.

Kinda comes with the fact that you literally didn’t make this twist until the end of the second act. So we have no strong impression of him as a character. Hell there is also his squad who fights Carol and its basically like watching the Black Order fight but blue. Its boring.

Oh there is the supreme intelligence. And that’s done so weird too. It projects itself int whatever form the person holds dearest (For Carol its Mar-Vell) and that seems like a great thing. Using the skin of a loved one, but in reality being nothing than cold unfeeling pragmatism. But then they start acting really gitty and emotional when they go into carol’s head again. This should be horrifying. This is just Jeff Goldbloom as the Grand Master lite.

Ronan also shows up in this movie. And he’s not the main villain! You have this chance to make Ronan (one of the most universally thought poor villain) and make him better. It would make a larger tapestry in films as we know what he’s like in guardians, but I would’ve like to see him before this. Show the seeds of just someone overtly self righteous that would bloom into zealous. I feel like this film could be much better with replacing Yon with Ronan.

But nope, in this film he’s just some asshole who is on screen for like 5 minutes. Oh but he’s got this group called the accusors that bomb out Skrull. Which also leads to this plot hole, why did Carol think that the Skrull caused ruins on the planet she visited? We saw her squad arrive while Ronan was bombing!

Then we have Mar-vell. Mar-vell is a woman this time and I was fine with that. She’s a good actress, if not enough time with her. Also the cause of Carol’s powers is the tesseract. Sure. Makes more sense.

I’ve been sounding lime a dick for a while, so I’ll quickly list off the good stuff in this film. I like the color pallet. I actually think Carol dressing in the grundge outfit is cool. I love goose. I think Talos and his family’s scenes are adorable. And I think the scene where Carol stands back up is empowering, but god I wish it was in a better film.

All in all, this film is fine. But its so on the bland side. And that leaves me in a wierd place. I want this film to do well, mainly cause I know how board executives work. “Oh a female superhero movie wasn’t profitable? Guess no more female superhero films.” And that’s not the case. We saw with Wonder Woman that you can do a female super hero movie, just get good writing and good directing. I want more females in Marvel movies. I want a damn Black Widow movie for christ sake!

But at the same time, I kinda want Marvel to take the L on this one. I want them to see that doing the bare minimum isn’t going to fly in the this oversatured market. Marvel was the best and only game in town for 10 years. But now. DC has clawed its way up, Wonder Woman was good, Aquaman was good, Shazam looks good, etc. And they all seem to want to try something new while being good. Marvel, you need to step it up. Because you’ll soon not be top dog anymore.

I feel like this film would’ve benefited from a director like Taika Waititi. Someone who knows how to take the fantastical of Marvel cosmic and  make it come to life. I also think it needs one writer. You though Justice League was bad as it feels like it was done by two different films directed by two different people, well this feel the same.

Is it bad. No. Its basically ghostbuster 2016. Its not bad, its not good. Not seeing seeing this film doesn’t make you a misogynist, seeing this this film does make you an asshole who is betraying the comics. Am I going to think less of you if you like this, god no! Am I saying its drek? No I still enjoyed the 2 hours I used up to watch this movie. So ball’s your court folks.

[jenology-archive]

100 things to love about Jeno

his infinite amount of passion and relentless enthusiasm!

he’s incredibly humble as well, modest to the point he’ll praise his fellow members while he’s getting praised

he’s been in showbiz scene ever since he was young (starting around 2005!)

he loves animals and he has three cats!

bongshik was his first cat, when he was younger he found her abandoned on his way home

nal and seol were adopted later, even though he has a cat allergy he loves them to bits and overcomes his allergy as best as he can!

his voice is so soft and gentle, though it’s also really deep and he can also be really loud

he has an AMAZING sense of humor and doesn’t deserve being called “boring” or “no jam” at all

he’s more mature than he gets credit for: he’s compassionate and wise that even mark lee, the leader of nct dream who is one year his senior, will confide in him for advice

he’s also way funnier than people make him seem, he comes up with really witty retorts too

he doesn’t stay still! even if it’s the slightest bit of movement, he’s always up to something

also fiddles with other objects, anything he can get his hands on

in most cases they’re items present wherever he is

though there are various cases where he has kept a fidget spinner in his back pocket and he’d just whip it out and start spiNNING

sometimes (read: often) he’ll be doing something to his members, the victim tends to be whoever’s closest

he plays with their ears or tickles their chin, amongst other cute gestures

It’s so cute when he takes selfies or videos with other members! no explanation needed because you’ve probably seen evidence to support this claim

It’s also really cute when he does something wrong or gets called out and he just freezes up with a funny expression on his face

speaking of which, he really is the KING OF FACIAL EXPRESSIONS

he can display such a wide variety of expressions, it’s extremely impressive

and he can change them really quickly too, the way he fluctuates between expressions is almost as cool as it is endearing

sometimes he’ll have a cute smile on his face and it’ll morph into an intense gaze, or vice versa

THERE IS SUNSHINE IN HIS SMILE! It’s absolutely radiant and contagious!

on a side note, his teeth are absolutely perfect?

his cheek moles are also really lovely and it really sucks when they cover it up with makeup

it’s also a huge shame when fansites photoshop their pics of him so you can’t see his acne…

he does have a lot of it which is completely normal, and when he’s given the opportunities he does embrace it! even though he’s this perfect and loveable, he’s also very much human

he really has the most endearing habits in the entire world!! The gestures he does are super cute

like when he rubs his nose with the back of his index finger

or when he’s biting on his index finger? lol

he also tends to touch the lobule of his ears

puffs up his cheeks very cutely

rests his chin on his palms and wiggles his fingers

his salute!! it’s not a “real” salute but he does something like it with two fingers

it’s really adorable when he waves or makes peace signs

notice that when he’s performing or even just saying certain words, he’ll bite his tongue :o or it’ll peek out for a moment

he also bites his bottom lip a lot

and he has a tight lipped smile that he tends to do, it’s especially endearing if he looks in a different direction while he’s doing it

HIS HAPPY DANCE!! there’s a lot of variety to it, like when he’s jumping up and down, or when he’s… doing That (there’s really no way to describe it ngfng)

and when his nose scrunches up… actually, while we’re still on the topic of his nose it’s really distinct and beautiful!!

the expressions or things he does while listening to others! he reacts a lot too!

like when he furrows his brows and/or looks all confused

when that happens and he has creases on his forehead :’)

also sometimes he does that really cringey fake sob ognfdkgndfkjg

it’s really nice when he nods as people are talking to show that he’s following along with what they’re saying

Jeno is extremely attentive in general!! he really gives others his undivided attention

in some cases, like during vlives, he’s looking at his phone instead though. but he’s still being attentive because he’s trying to keep up with comments from fans!

HE’S SO TALENTED!! he’s honestly so impressive

even though sm doesn’t let him do much, he’s still capable of SO MUCH. he’s a vocalist, a rapper, a dancer, and the visual and that’s A LOT

even though he doesn’t get the amount of lines he deserves, the way he delivers them is so captivating

and there’s a reason he gets all those notable points of choreo, as well as hoverboard time in chewing gum!

and why members will say he’s the best at riding hoverboards too because he really is :/

he’s admittedly rather clumsy, but he truly does his best to overcome that especially on stage

please consider his IMPROVEMENT, especially since chewing gum era when he would make various mistakes or slip ups during live performances! he’s come a long way and is constantly improving

also consider his great acting skills, he’s been acting since a young age and he’s still improving as well

he’s really great with skits and reciting scripts, his voice and gestures suit the characters he portrays

he also has various hidden talents, and I’m sure we’ve only gotten mere glimpses of what he has to offer

for example, he’s really good at winking! he can also wink with both eyes

he’s also pretty good at tongue twisters, and he can say them at a fast pace

the thing he does where he lies down flat on the floor and pushes himself back up?? (he did it in the ot18 and 00 line vlives)

he’s excellent at speaking and is very charming while doing so, which makes him a great MC as well

never forget that he represented nct at the smtown conference in dubai!!

he’s been wearing glasses since a young age, apparently has really bad eyesight :’)

used to get called “harry potter” when he was younger, probably because of his round lensed glasses

was very well praised for the powerpoint presentations he would make in computer class

impossibly well rounded as a student, he excels academically, athletically, and musically

in middle school (year 1) jeno placed 2nd during the first exam!

he was a member of track & field and was especially good with relay races, so his class would rank high because of him

he was also a mischievous student though, there was one instance where he put glue on a desk and ran away lol

but to this day he’s still pretty mischievous, you might want to keep an eye on him!

apparently he can play a huge variety of instruments, not just the guitar

his instrument specialty is the violin!

HIS LAUGH IS ARGUABLY ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS YOU’LL EVER HAVE THE PLEASURE OF HEARING

even the way he laughs is absolutely divine and genuine and WHOLESOME

he just lets out his laughter unapologetically, often with an eyesmile too!

it can also be super extra when he laughs: sometimes he’ll clap or hit something (in some cases, someone), or he’ll lurch forward or fall backwards… sometimes he even falls to the ground from laughing

he also tends to laugh after answering questions, or while he’s answering the question

horror movie lover, likes to watch them with renjun and has made a horror movie reference lol

anime enthusiast!! he really likes one piece and naruto in particular

he also likes figures, especially putting them together

on a side note, he’s really crafty and creative! when he was younger he liked to build things with toy blocks and he also had an affinity for puzzles

don’t forget nct school dream mate where he made a bento box completely out of clay… it was really well made, of course

he’s liked cars since a very young age and enjoys drawing them, he actually wanted to be a car designer when he was young

but because he wasn’t pleased with his drawing skills he decided to become a singer instead :’o he’s really good at drawing though!

he uses emoticons very cutely :’)

like when he draws a little smiley face that looks like =) beside his name… <3

he also started using TAT because of the fans which is really sweet

suspenders and him don’t go well together… not in a visual aspect, jeno looks good in everything, but every time he wears them they always slide off his shoulders lol

really likes t7s and practices the choreo with jisung (sm let them do a t7s cover!!)

he plays pokemon go on his ipad (no promises, but I think he was on team mystic)

he’s interested in photography and also takes really good pictures!

meme king… never forget the various times he’s dabbed, nae naed, played with a fidget spinner, and brought up ppap

does really cheesy things and does them SHAMELESSLY. but it’s all for us and it’s lovely (yes! even the aegyo!!)

he’s recommended the song “breath” by park hyo shin multiple times, he also listens to it (almost?) every night before he goes to sleep

he’s very considerate and kind hearted! It’s so sweet when he checks in with others or reminds others of things too

that’s a big reason why doyoung really cherishes him, because jeno is really thoughtful of others and also very grateful

his stage presence is no joke. he’s so professional and bold, it’s practically impossible to watch him perform something and not get spell bound…

...but even though he gives every stage his all, jeno still has so much fun while he’s at it and you can tell!

he doesn’t think of his role as an idol as a “job”, but rather something he does where he can have fun with others

he’s constantly striving to “become a better jeno” and often tells us so! he’s always trying his best and giving everything his all!

[poresorpixels]

Berberian Sound Studio (2012)

The Duke of Burgundy

(2014)

lulbuozets: Giallo meets Brakhage, sensssoohaahlity, style as substance, savory>sweet, brittle grasps, (p)lush interiors, asmr, vixens, dominance/submission, sedate hysteria, dissociative gracenotes, tuff luv, dream illogic, september/may

In a sense, English director Peter Strickland is a sort of executive lounge perv - like those chin stroking suits in Enemy, watching high-heeled women squish exotic spiders in a secret, dark room. Not unlike Cronenberg, he's an unapologetically glazed over sensationalist, dragging the intrepid moviegoer into his tantric hedonism kaleidoscope. Both of his films here are the sort where you are more likely taken for a blind ride by their signature quality than premeditatedly engaged. They don't offer expansiveness in the traditional sense, more often content to snuggle up to their vividly rendered seedy spaces and graze.

He is tremendously good, so far, at doing him. Already having a calling card style is quite astonishing, given an ouvre standing at two as I write this. Though it is technically his third film (with one on the way). Sadly, his first - 2009's Katalin Varga, is available next to nowhere (in the uk, on region 2 dvd). It seems like something else entirely, which has me abuzz with curiosity. Hopefully it will turn up somewhere soon.

Berberian Sound Studio has much to love and explore. The soundtrack contains the last work of the fantastic early 2000's group, Broadcast, its production sadly coinciding with lead singer Trish Keenan's sudden passing. It is a fine thing, and their hard-charging harpsichord title sequence song is arguably the most exciting passage in the film. The sequence cleverly (perhaps confusingly for some) contains credits for the film within the film, which i'll annotate forthwith.

producer: Francesco Coraggio (Cosimo Fusco) A vile mysoginist, who doesn't have anything positive or neutral to say about anyone or anything.

director: Giancarlo Santini (Antonio Mancino) A self-aggrandizing, work averse glad-hander. Doesn't seem that interested in post-production studio rigors, beyond pawing at his female cast.)

Il Vortice Equestre (The Equestrian Vortex) In Santini's witch torture-fest, this title never comes to mean a damn thing. Not even some foley coconuts - which is hilarious.

music: Hymenoptera (Broadcast) Defined as a large order of insects, comprising sawflies, wasps, bees and ants. This never comes to any sort of significance either, and Burgundy is preoccupied with lepidopterology. I'm guessing its something to do with the gynecological root of the word.)

The doleful, adorable puss of Toby Jones is a special thing, and Strickland surely isn't the only one to've capitalized on this fact. But I don't know if I've ever seen him oogled quite to this extent, at one (seemingly signicant) point being rippled and mushed like a wad of celluloid playdough. Perhaps his sweet, daddy long-leg rescuing Gilderoy is too sympathetic for a film so resistant to a storyline. His disgust with the lurid set pieces he is producing sound for is a hook of sorts, but it doesn't pay off. Despite his grounding of a winningly surreal setting full of clunky vintage gear and sudden power outtages, Strickland seems content to merely fold him up like wallpaper origami. The shift to him, and his increasingly dire letters from mum, being the subject of another film within a film, comes off like a solipsistic punch-out.

But it's a fun mess, with all its noisome fruits and veggies and demented, face contorting soundbooth histrionics (was reminded of Mike Schank's blood curdling soundbooth howl in American Movie). One I was sure I'd enjoy more than the S&M love affair of his next film. But I was decidedly wrong. Where Berberian Sound frustrates, and lunges for a cheap beginning-to-end loop with its blurry film reel image, The Duke of Burgundy is an impressively well rounded circle.

Again there is repetition. But rather than mere recurring visuals (that flashing "SILENZIO" sign of diminishing returns) it is direct reckoning with the practice. Particularly, when it fails to make perfect. Perfection in role playing seems to be the goal in the relationship on display. But despite fooling us with their act at the onset, it becomes clear that the imperiously beautiful Cynthia (Borgen's imperiously beautiful Sidse Babett Knudsen), who is older, is mostly driven by the desire to make Evelyn (an eerily faux-innocent Chiara D'Anna) happy. We see their routine, day-spanningly meticulous as it may be, going from refinement to going through the motions.

The world of moths and butterflies seems infinite to Cynthia, the imagery of her studies juxtaposed with her more traditional gratification from Evelyn when the play is done. In these moments, there are whispered devotions (uncannily spooky, like those of Let's Scare Jessica to Death) that we do not see Evelyn mouthing. When we see the fear in Cynthia's eyes, it comes clear that these reassurances are in her head. When the strain of trying to keep up the charade later reaches its peak, these whisperings shift to one word: "pinastri" (Sphinx pinastri aka the pine hawk-moth). Their safe word, a discouraged protest for Evelyn, becomes Cynthia's haunted keening on the doubt infesting and devouring her love's foundation.

Perhaps Evelyn tries to be accomodating, but she is unmistakably insatiable in everything she does. Even her delvings into encyclopedic butterfly trivia feel like but a fetishized extension of Cynthia's confectionarily domineering role for her. Cynthia has to be someone else, while Evelyn only need be served. Even after Cynthia finally breaks down in tears under the rigors of keeping up the routine and Evelyn vehemently consoles her, the older woman knows its 'either buck up, or let this girl slip through your fingers'.

Much moreso than his previous work, The Duke of Burgundy expertly arranges its drama, deadpan humor and surrealist chills into a satisfyingly seamless whole. And even more compellingly, these elements are often interchangeable. Cynthia's sonorous snoring, for example, is both a funny contrast to her sleek routine and a touchingly sad tell after she has exhausted herself to the utmost for her love's devotion. Elsewhere, acts that might be repulsive are rendered kind of bittersweet. Without bespoiling his (their) heightened tableau, he gives the unglamorous rigors of human frailty their full thematic due.

Once again, we are graced with a drop dead gorgeous soundtrack, this time from the duo, Cat's Eyes (awesome cat in this movie as well, who is content to just look on). The opening Belle & Sebastianesque piece is particularly winning (there's that harpsichord again) with its distinct use of a single clipped breath on the downbeat. It closes with a much sadder, Julee Cruise kind of thing, which is fitting given that Cynthia will likely keel over in mid face-sit some day.

Worth mentioning as well is the welcome return of instantly striking Romanian actress Fatma Mohamed, who plays a kink specialist carpenter with unnerving, Lynchian command. She was a spirited, camera-beloved highlight of Berberian, giving no quarter to her dickhead bosses. Luckily she's back for this year's release, In Fabric, along with Knudsen, Gwendoline Christie (Brienne of Tarth herself), Julian Barratt and Marianne Jean-Baptiste (who played one of the best characters ever with the lovable, all-suffering Hortense Cumberbatch in Mike Leigh's Secrets & Lies). With that cast, and the significant improvement ratio between these two films, I'm chomping at that bit to see what that dirty birdy Strickland has in store.

[fantasyimmortal]

Review of "Satisfy me"

Since I said so, here’s my detailed review of the positive things I picked up from your fanfiction. All of what I am saying is really just my personal opinion and what are my likes on it. But maybe it helps you a little and makes u happy too, I’d be glad, if I could support u with my feedback. But I am not a professional writer nor professional reviewer myself, I just know the basics and stuff from the time I wrote fanfics myself. It’s up to you, if you wanna publish the following or just answer me in private. So let’s get going:

+ The wording:

I wanna start with the obvious: The general writing style. I as a person who rarely reads anything and is hard to get hooked up on something, I have to say that this fanfic has the unique ability to make me keep reading. The way the sentences are phrased, very diversely that it doesn’t get boring. But I guess that’s the experience and practice, since I looked though ur Master List, you seem to be a Writer for a little longer already. But yeah, I personally think the choice of words is interesting, keeps the reader reading and makes hungry for wanting to know more and that’s always what keeps a story going.

+ The Story Idea:

Personally I am a huge fan of demon lore and everything surrounding it. So the first glimpse I got of the basic idea got my interest already. I have to say the lore is worked out so well, basing on real life christian religion – if i am not mistaken – that I can learn a lot more about it throughout the story. It gives the story depth and makes it tangible. I am simply in love with the concept of Saeran and Luciel being the demon princes of hell and the supporting characters surrounding them. I really dig how u adapted the other characters and made your own as well, fitting in and to the story. The dark fantasy concept is just amazing, since it’s already of my liking.

+ The first few Chapters:

I have to admit, I was startled at first by the approach of the first few chapters, but now that I gasped the full story so far, I have to say the first few chapters are the strongest, in my opinion. Not only come they off strong by their wording, but interpreting it makes oneself see, why. It gives the exposition to the character development. It gives actually the first hints of what’s going to happen. It also gives something to compare, which measures character development. I am glad those first few chapters got me hooked up to read further, to get the whole image this far.

+ How the Characters are written:

Saying so already in the previous point, but pointing it out again: The character development, especially for Saeran. I could clearly see his progress in changing over the story so far and it really amazed me. I love comparing character to how they were in the beginning of a story and where they are standing now. It feels impossible that a character would do in the very beginning, what he does later on, and that shows the growth of said character really well. I am exited for how much further he’s going to change throughout the rest of the story. Because the development done so far, was a natural and reasonable transition. It wasn’t forced, just for the sake of development. That’s what makes it so great.

But not only he changed, but MC as well. But for her I think the strong points are, which a lot of people would probably point out: She is not the damsel in distress. She herself is a strong character, knowing how to talk and act on her own. One surprising point of how this MC is written, was also the inclusion of her mother. That took a really dark turn, but it compliments the story so well and gives it just even more depth.

Then, the inclusion of OC’s, they add up greatly with the already established cast. Also an obvious pick, but Ricward, especially in the latest chapter, is written so fitting for the story and gives a great contrast, to how most characters are portrayed (rather hectic and dramatic, while he is more on the calm and thoughtful side). He has his own charms and is a memorable character.

+ The Humor:

Most of the humor bases on sarcasm, tied to cursing, at least that’s the impression I got. And this humor is simply the best humor, in my opinion. It entertains me a lot, since it’s exactly my kind of humor. It’s apparent in scenes where it’s fitting for it to be. It loosens up the otherwise tight plot and scenes and shows off another side of the story. Again I have to say, it gives it a certain sense of “reality”. And a little breath from all the stress which is otherwise omnipresent. It gives the reader a short break to be ready for the next big thing.

+ The approach on the topic of Sexuality in the story:

I wish to be especially honest with this one, I myself am not that interested in the sexual part of the story, sex is simply not not my thing. And that’s why I think I might be over interpreting with this one. I guess the scenes were planned to pleasure the reader, while I myself have a more observing and analyzing look on those scenes. So my observations thus far are, that the story element of how sexuality is portrait, tries to teach something by comparing the very beginning to where we are right now:

At first the rough sex, i’d already call it rape, is presented as a simple and daily thing demons do: Not caring for the other part during it and just using the other person for their own pleasures, not even caring of the person gave their consent. It’s portrait as: How things are in hell. And exactly that motive is still present later on again in the story (the whole arc with Dante so far). But it also shows the development Saeran goes through. He is still a perverted demon to this point, but he started caring for MC while they were having Sex and not only fucks around for fun anymore. It’s a strong point, that you made clear, that he can only fuck her, if she really gives her consent, personally I think that’s one of the most important aspects of it.

Where it really showed, that sex became something more meaningful to him, was the scene, where he showed MC how to masturbate correctly. Present in the same story arc, as the other extreme with Dante and even Saerans thoughts on what Dante was doing to that demon woman. A direct comparing of those two extremes presented in a way that it has a huge impact on the reader. Hands down, that writing deserves a round of applause.

+ The fluff:

Contrasting to the sexual part, I enjoy and love the rather fluffy and lovely parts of the fanfiction. It’s not a silly, corny romance how it’s presented in the media all over, that makes us the viewer feel rather awkward watching. No, this one has spice. That makes it really unique, it keeps the rough features, which are mostly presented in the sex scenes, but tones them down, that it becomes adorable without being cheesy or embarrassing. In my opinion it’s the perfect way to show a romance in that setting. But I in general really dig this kind of stuff, so this one really reflects my own opinion on it.

+ The scenery:

From the castle in hell, to the setting on earth and especially the clothes they wear. It’s simply my aesthetics. I mentioned it already, when I stated my opinion to the story idea, but I am really amazed by the whole setting. The fanfic gives me a clear image in my head on how everything looks. I know this is more on the interpreting side of things, but what’s established in the story as locations and surroundings is stunning and amazed me to no end. One particular thing I kept in mind as stunningly beautiful – which I might gonna draw fanart of: Mc’s midnight blue dress. Which sadly only survived half a chapter, before Saeran decided to stRip it off her.

Now in the very end, I have a few questions left, I’d like to ask.

Starting with a strange one:

How many pages is the fanfic so far?

I want it for my own comparison, since I mentioned in the very beginning, I am not really someone who reads that much.

Then the next question:

How many more chapters did u plan for the future? If you can’t answer that, maybe a rough calculation or a percentage, on how much u wrote so far?

And my last question, which is also personal interest, to review your writing a little bit more for myself:

Did you plan everything till now out from the very beginning? And what are things you added later on? Like a quick idea, inspiration of some sort, you only thought off during writing?

Tied to that: Did you plan on making this such a long fanfiction from the beginning on? Or did the plot and everything around it just developed on and on and on? My guess if that would be the case, it’s because of the good feedback of your readers.

That’s all from me, for now. I can say, I am exited to read more, I look forwards to every update. I am glad I got hooked up with this fanfiction. And if I get to it, I’ll draw some fanart to it. I already made a little sketch inspired by it. But so far, pls keep writing. U are an amazing writer. And thanks a lot for reading all of this.

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Reply is under the cut ^^ <3

OH Wow!!! I’m in awe at how much you’ve reviewed!!! I’ll be honest, I was a bit nervous about what you would say ^^;;. I know you didn’t write the negative (which I appreciate it!!) but I hope the positive outweighed it!! This review means a lot to me!!! One of the negatives I could maybe guess though, is the “______” I put in my writing since it has come up before. If that’s one of them, the reason I do is because MC or Y/N is cringy to me and I absolutely loathe using it. >_<

I actually only started writing fanfiction January of last year so it hasn’t been too long for me. I’ve tried to write like someone is watching a movie, I watch scenes in my head and try to portray them into words. I’m not expert and I know I need improvement with sentence structure and editing, which I’ve actually thought about going back to school for because I would like some day to get published.

How many pages is the fanfic so far?  I didn’t start putting the chapters on the same word document until chapter 31. But chapter 31-50 are 48 pages on Word. There is 70,423 total words currently in the fic.

How many more chapters did u plan for the future?  At it stands I think Satisfy only has about 10 chapters left, depending on how I get to the main plot points. But I’ve already been bouncing ideas off my friends for a sequel because of the ending I have planned.

Did you plan on making this such a long fanfiction from the beginning on? I’m going to answer this one first because I NEVER thought that this fic would grow to what it has! I’m still humbled on how many people enjoy and love it. I thought that it would be a WIP that I would abandon because readers would absolutely hate it! When I started to get so much positive feedback and interest I was getting I had the urge to continue.

Did you plan everything till now out from the very beginning? I did not. I had a few things planned at the beginning and sometimes I just let my mind wander and my fingers follow just to see what I would come up with. An example is Ricward. I had planned to have him in one or two chapters, and having his appearance at a minimum. As I was writing him though, I wanted him to show up more and more for the calm balance he brought. I have a backstory for him but haven’t shared it yet because it could be a spoiler on who exactly he really is. 

Zophiel is another one. I haven’t decided yet if he will show up again right now but he will be in the sequel and will find out more about him. As I’m writing the final chapters he may very well show up if I feel he needs to make an entrance to help tie the story together. I didn’t want to have the typical everyone in the RFA and wanted to give the story some things extra, which brought out the OCs, it also allowed me to be more creative. 

All the ideas I’ve had before writing aren’t set in stone because they could always change once I sit down and actually start writing. Getting from idea A to idea B could end up changing what I want to happen in plot point B (if that makes sense ^^;;) 

At the beginning I didn’t plan on having other demons or torture and ended up researching both for hours trying to give some accuracy to my writing. With the scene being in Hell I thought that torture would be a good touch. I also wanted to get practice in writing different scenes for any future fanfictions I may write.

Thank you again for this review and putting in the time to write it lovely!! I would also LOVE to see some fanart. I fangirl all the time when I see fanarts!! To inspire anyone to want to draw something is such an amazing feeling!!! 

[thevampirediariesdiary]

1.09 History Repeating

The episode’s called “History Repeating”, so OBVIOUSLY it’s about the brothers, a perfect snapshot of their broken, broken relationship - with hints about just what parts of their history might come back around.  

This is the first episode with Alaric!  Despite being genuinely cool, he hits every single “new teacher trying to be a bro” trope like he’s checking them off a list: making fun of his name, telling the students they can call him Rick, and literally throwing the previous teacher’s files in the trash.  When explaining an extra credit history assignment to Jeremy, he literally says “make it sing”.  Rick.  That is not a helpful instruction.  

Stefan is giving Damon the cold shoulder...understandably...  Damon offers up a peace offering: coffee, to help with circulation.  I hereby offer a formal apology for making fun of the caffeine vampire fact two episodes ago.  It did in fact come back up again.  Show continuity, I should have had more faith in you.

Stefan ignores the coffee, so Damon offers a truly half-assed apology: “I got the town off our back, it was for the greater good, but I’m sorry, and to prove it, I’m not going to feed on a human for at least...a week?”  Shirtless Stefan, aka the Platonic Idea of Abs, wanders out of the closet and says “Because I realize that killing your closest and oldest friend is beyond evil and yet somehow...worthy of humor?”  Damon says, “Are you mimicking me?”  “Yes, Stefan,” says Stefan.  “Now that the secret society of vampire-haters is off our back, I can go back to my routine of ‘how can I destroy Stefan’s life this week?’”  Damon pipes up, “And I can go back to sulking, and Elena-longing, and forehead-brooding.”  And adds, “This is fun, I like this.”  “And I will finally reveal the ulterior motive behind my evil and diabolical return to Mystic Falls,” says Stefan.  “Yeaaah I’m done,” says Damon, then shifts back into dopey-Stefan voice: “That’s just like you Damon, you always have to have the last word!”  It’s a weirdly comfortable level of banter, given that Stefan was considering literally killing him one episode ago, but you get the feeling that this is the only way they know how to cope.  Plus, it’s a great bit, so I don’t even care if it’s out of character.  

Caroline yells at Matt for saying “hey” to her repeatedly, as it “reeks of awkward subtext”, and is a “lame guy move”.  He accuses her of reading into the same thing he’s said to her every day since the first grade, and says it’s a “lame girl move”.  I identify the heck out of the introspection spiral Caroline is clearly on.

Stefan tells Elena that he won’t be coming back to school; he’s gonna back off, keep his distance.  “Back off from school or from me?” Elena asks.  Stefan doesn’t answer, just says, “It’s better this way.”  “Yep, I got it,” Elena bites out.  “You’re angry, that’s good,” says Stefan, “it’ll be easier if you hate me.”  It’s condescending and paternalistic and I hate it.

Damon is still pestering Bonnie about the crystal.  “I’ll scream,” she threatens.  “Ohhhh noooo, don’t do that, let’s stay on point,” he says.  Started at the bottom...?  But it freaks Bonnie out enough that she tells Elena, and Elena tells Stefan, and Stefan promises to figure it out.

Jenna, staring at Alaric across the room: I like a man who can dine alone.  Quiet strength. Jeremy: I thought you were still in that Logan-depression thing. Jenna, in the Most Me sentence ever spoken: Oh, I’ve sworn off men forever, but it doesn’t mean I can’t observe them from a safe distance. 

Jenna says Jeremy’s dad had a box of stuff, the-Gilberts-came-over-on-the-Mayflower stuff.  This means the Gilberts and I have ancestors who were buddies!!  Or we would, if it was not Literal Historical Fact that my Mayflower ancestor was a terrific asshole whom No One Liked.

Stefan picks up the brother-impersonation bit again at the bar: S: So, Stefan! You know, I’ve been thinking. I think we should start over, give this brother thing another chance.  We used to do it oh-so-well once upon a time. D: I DON’T, Damon.  I can’t trust you to be a nice guy, you - you kill everybody, and you’re so mean...and...you’re so mean.  ...you’re really hard to imitate, and then I have to go to that lesser place.

Caroline, Bonnie, and Elena attempt to have a manicure night, but it turns into Bennet crystal drama, which I am 200% over.  “What is going on?” Caroline asks. “Why am I not a part of this conversation? You guys do this to me all the time.”  Elena says that’s not true, but Bonnie says it is - she can’t talk to Caroline, because Caroline never listens.  Caroline’s apology speech is fantastic: “It’s just not me.  I don’t believe in the *ooooohhh ghost noises*.  But if you do, then - okay.  I’m in.  That’s what it takes for me to jump on board, because I consider you my best friend, and I’m saying this knowing that Elena’s in the kitchen listening to my every word.  Look, I didn’t know how real this was for you, but I’m listening now, okay?”  I feel like this captures something important about Caroline - she’s not self-centered, precisely, she just assumes everyone’s seeing the same world she is, and placing importance on the same things.  But once she figures out that something is a big deal for her friends, it’s a big deal for her, too.  

Damon: I’m impressed, Stefan.  Fun with booze and darts, sentimental with football, and now: starry night.  ...what do you want, Stefan.  Stefan, seriously: It wasn’t real, Damon.  Our love for Katherine.  Damon, sotto voce: Oh, god.  Stefan, doggedly: She compelled us, we didn’t have a choice.  It took me years to sort that out, to truly understand what she did to us.  Damon: Oh, no, Stefan.  We are not takin’ that on tonight. Stefan: What do you want with Katherine’s crystal? Damon: How do you know about that? Stefan: Come on, you knew Elena would tell me. Damon: How’d you know it was Katherine’s? Emily gave it to her on her last night.  I was with her and you...weren’t. Stefan, defiantly: I was the last one to see her, Damon.  Now, what do you want with Katherine’s crystal? Damon, trying desperately to remain smug: She didn’t tell you? Stefan: We had other things on our mind. Damon: I could rip your heart our and not think twice about it. Stefan: Yeah, I’ve heard that before. Damon: I have a bigger surprise, Stefan.  I’m gonna bring her back.

OKAY SO ABOUT THIS.  First of all, how have they never talked about this before???  It has almost been one and a half CENTURIES.  Second: For someone who starts off trying to convince Damon that all the Katherine feelings weren’t real, Stefan sure seems like he’s still invested in which of them was loved by her more.  Instead of saying “I knew it was her crystal because she compelled me to be there that night and not tell you”, he says he was the last one to see her, like it’s some competition and he won?  And “we had other things on our mind”??  What are you doing?  This is a particularly dumb strategy because it’s CLEAR that Damon has not achieved ANY distance from the whole love triangle; his face when Stefan tells him he was with Katherine that night goes from this:

Shattered trust and suffocating inadequacy, to this:

You can SEE HIM deciding to play his last card, to finally one-up his little brother whom everyone loved more.  And then RIGHT BACK to the sudden-but-inevitable-betrayal look when Stefan basically says they were too busy having sex and bein’ in love to talk about jewelry.  EDIT: I just realized maybe Stefan did this on purpose to get Damon unsettled and angry enough that he would spill his secret?  If that’s the case, it was half brilliant but also insane...since unsettled and angry Damon, at this point in the show, tends more to violence than he does to truth-telling. 

Anyway, we get the tomb spell revelation.  “Did you know witches can use celestial events to draw energy into their magic - pssh, me neither!” says Damon, perfectly proving the point I made here.

This shot, of Jeremy being super pissed when he opens his front door and Elena and Caroline are standing there screaming? 

That’s how I felt through the whole seance sub-plot in this episode.  Also in aww-poor-Jeremy moments, he’s minding his business going through his dad’s boxes when his aunt and his history teacher come home like this:

The show is HEAVILY implying Alaric is a vampire, by the way.  He has a gaudy ring which he says belonged to his father (spoiler alert, that’s a lie), and he does the whole look-pensively-at-the-lintel thing while standing in the doorway.  “You know what, I’m not gonna invite you in,” Jenna tells him.  “Some other time,” says Rick, looking cocky as hell.

Emily Bennet possesses Bonnie and takes everybody to the woods, where Stefan learns there are multiple tomb vamps.  “I don’t care about them, I just want Katherine,” says Damon.  “This isn’t about love, is it, this is about revenge!” Stefan accuses.  “The two aren’t mutually exclusive!”  Emily-as-Bonnie destroys the crystal, despite Damon’s agonizing pleading, and then when Emily leaves, Damon attacks Bonnie. Stefan saves her; Elena gives Damon dagger-eyes which are somehow still a little...disappointed?

And here’s what’s arguably the biggest revelation of the episode, delivered by Damon, tears in his eyes: “Katherine never compelled me.  I knew everything, every step of the way.  It was real for me.”

Elena makes another bid for togetherness with Stefan: “I thought I couldn’t be with you, but I can!  You don’t have to push me away, I can do this.”  “I can’t,” says Stefan, and tells her he’s leaving town.  The back and forth is already driving me insane, and we’re only on episode nine.  Oh, long-form television and your contrived stalling.

Matt climbs into Caroline’s window to tell her “We cuddled, and it creeped me out.”  He needs to improve his communication skills.  But they figure it out, and then eat junk food in her bed, adorably.  Damon sits where Stefan left him, and stares into space, broken.  Stefan throws an old journal across the room and breaks down crying, looking like he’s finally lost control.  Elena confesses everything to a very shaken Bonnie.  And last but not least, Logan Scum-Bucket Fell turns up on the Gilbert doorstep, and asks, “Aren’t you gonna invite me in?”

Music Moments: Barcelona’s “Come Back When You Can” plays over the closing scenes, presumably referring to Katherine - “come back when you can / let go, you’ll understand / you’ve done nothing at all to make me love you less / so come back when you can”.

Eyebrow Watch: “Yeaaaah I’m done”

And a Very Special Edition of Eyebrow Watch, featuring Stefan-as-Damon:

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