#And out of those three Sara is the most relatable to me

[wherevenusholdssomeofficespace]

When thinking about young Milo, I've gotten in the habit of thinking about Murphy's Law in opposition to the capacity to handle Murphy's Law.

So as long as the capacity to handle it is greater than the law, you're golden. The problem comes in when the law is greater than the capacity to handle it (see Orgaluth's Law with no one helping). Obviously both can vary, Murphy's Law is shown to be lighter and heavier at times and clearly people can get worn out. But it got me wondering about the kinds of situations that could have arose before Milo was old enough to take care of himself.

Generally as kids grow up they become capable of looking after themselves. But Murphy's law would definitely make that progression more complicated since even most adults aren't shown to be capable of dealing with it. Just because you trust someone to babysit a 6 year old doesn't mean you trust them with a more needy newborn so its not like Murphy's Law adds a novel concept to childcare of more capable children need less capable caretakers, but it still makes me wonder about logistics of raising kids with Murphy's Law before they are capable of handling their own condition.

We see it a little bit with Veronica, who is very capable of handling Murphy's Law, but doesn't have it. But baby Milo probably wasn't capable of handling Murphy's Law. So he depended on people taking care of it for him until he grew old enough to take care of himself.

But we also know that Murphy's law tends to get more intense with more Murphy's around. I wonder about how much Martin took care of baby Milo by himself, could he handle double dose Murphy's Law on his own? I mean I wouldn't doubt it, but maybe it depended on the circumstances. All babies are a lot even without Murphy's Law and breaks are important. I'm sure that was even more important for Milo. Was it worse for Martin looking after Milo solo because he also had EHML and it was a lot of Murphy's Law to be handling by himself, or did he handle it better than Brigette because he was used to it even if it was more intense? We know baby Milo's Murphy's Law was at least strong enough to cause walls to randomly collapse. I say this because as of the time of the show there are no dependent Murphy's, they're all capable of handling EHML mostly on their own so we never see them having to handle double doses of it on their own so to speak. We know Veronica babysat, but that probably wasn't until Milo was at least a few months old so did the other Murphy's help out when Milo was a newborn?

But then where did baby Sara fall in this spectrum. We already see 3 or 4 year old Sara being helpful with Murphy's Law stuff when Milo was born. To what extent growing up was Sara more a help or a hindrance. Obviously Sara and Milo would have family on there moms side who was less used to Murphy's Law. Did Milo ever spend time with family on that side without his parents. Was it a matter of "oh Grandma can watch Milo, Sara's with him" or "Grandma can watch Milo, since Sara's coming with us".

It's suggested that Milo never went to preschool or kindergarten (probably for obvious reasons), and he had his backpack by the time he did (so around the time Veronica stopped babysitting for him). So I think its fair to say 1st grade was probably around the time when Milo started being able to take care of his Murphy's Law on his own (though in First Impressions they still got a bit of help from Cavendish and Dakota, that doesn't mean too much since Milo still gets help from people at times and always will. Everyone needs help sometimes).

Obviously Milo learning to handle Murphy's Law was a gradual process, so there would be a period of time in which Milo couldn't handle Murphy's Law quite on his own yet but he could with some help. We did see him starting to help Veronica out as he got older in his flashback Secrets and Pie's.

Obviously handling Murphy's law is a lot, but being around Murphy's Law you learn to handle it better. And like it is a physically intensive condition to deal with. Have to develop a fair degree of endurance and strength to deal with it (comments are made on Milo's backpacks weight and we see the kids do a lot of running and hanging on for dear life). Obviously as a Murphy boy grows up they learn to handle it. But that doesn't mean they are the only ones. In now I am a Murphy we have Grandma Murphy who is shown to be extremely capable of handling disasters. Which makes sense for someone who has two sons and a husband with EHML. And we see in athledecamathalon that all of Milo's classmates, by proximity to him, are pretty used to dealing with disasters and are pretty tough all things considered.

Actually what this all boils down to is me asking what is Sara capable of as someone who has spent her life getting used to Murphy's Law but isn't held back by it.

I mean obviously the answer is the patience to make cosplay and store merch in a house with her father and brother but honestly that is so funny to me. Also the girl has two moods "this mortal peril is barely an inconvenience" and "the idea of this relatively inconsequential thing going wrong is the worst possible thing I can imagine and I'm going to put 1000% of my energy into freaking out trying to prevent/fix this". And of then usually she has them at the same time.

I think that dichotomy would be pretty funny from an outside perspective as like a college student who does not have the context of Murphy's Law. What do you mean she had a backup hazmat suit why does she have one to begin with, and how did she finish a paper on her phone while sheltering from extreme weather while loud sirens went off while complaining about the page count. Some idiot lit the microwave on fire in the commons and she put it out without even glancing up from her tv show and was screaming in excitement about the twist. She spent 3 hours freaking out searching across town when she couldn't find the glue she needed to finish her costume and almost got into an accident with a semi but managed to avoid getting hit and then moved on without even hesitating.

Also can you IMAGINE the trouble the Murphy cousins must have gotten into when Milo was small. With or without Milo. I bet Sara and Nate have some stories. Their own Llama incidents if you will. I can see someone asking Sara about her favorite Murphy's law story and it turns out to be a story that not even Milo knows. Sara and Nate floating in the ocean on driftwood surrounded by orcas after a family get together by the ocean went wrong. Sara and Nate with a toddler Milo covered in ice cream and bees and running away from a giant ball of mud that fell from the sky while they were trying to play at the park. Just the idea of three Murphy's hanging out when they are all all children and two of them have Murphy's Law, and between the three of them they can barely handle the two doses of Murphy's Law but their getting there.

[fission-mailure]

Trying to figure out why I actually enjoy Trails of Cold steel (and don't hate Rean -- he'll never be my favourite character, but like. He's fine. I don't chafe at the idea of spending four entire JPRGs in his shoes) despite it being at times extremely Light Novel Nonsense-y.

Like, Rean's a dark haired, kind of generic looking, kind of generic personality'd average dude, who's super strong and skilled, and has a pretty huge proportion of the games' female cast falling over themselves for him, and that makes me roll my eyes a significant amount. He's very in the mold of weird wish-fulfilment light novel protagonists like Kirito and Naofumi, and I kind of can't stand those stories.

And thinking about it, I think it comes down to a few things:

-- Unlike those characters, Rean's actually allowed to fail, and to have other people pull his ass out of the fire. In fact, he does fail, a lot: The first game ends with him losing the final boss battle, badly, and having to run away and abandon his friends, having failed in basically every one of his goals. I'm two chapters in to Trails of Cold Steel III after having played 1 and 2 ages ago, and so far there's been three instances of Rean either getting in over his head or being either outsmarted or outgunned by the villains and needing someone else -- Laura, Kurt/Juna/Altina/Ash, and Alisa/Sharon -- to save him.

-- While he's always presented as being both academically gifted and a strong fighter, he's never the best in either. Emma and Machias are the top students in Class VII, and Laura, Crow, and Fie are stronger fighters in Class VII. Even when he catches up to Crow, Laura (and maybe Fie?) is still a better fighter than him. That's not even accounting for characters outside of Class VII, where it's always made pretty obvious that Sara, Laura's Dad, Rufus, and Aurelia are a ways above him. Which, again, you couldn't imagine from, say, a Kirito, where the only people allowed to be better are people who are somehow 'cheating.'

-- Women in Trails of Cold Steel are actually allowed to have their own goals and character arcs which aren't in any way related to him (in fact, every female character in Class VII has their own thing going on). Laura wants to hone her sword skills and be a worthy successor to her house, Emma has her conflict of ideals with Vita, Fie has her ongoing attempts to find a new role for herself after being a child soldier for most of her life, Alisa is struggling against a legacy that she sees as inextricably tied to a controlling mother she doesn't really understand. These are arcs which are wholly independent of Rean, and he doesn't do much in them apart from provide encouragement. When there are breakthroughs in these arcs, it's never because of him, he's usually just present and being supportive. The only female character whose arc really ties into Rean's at all is Juna's, and even then it's more about her complex feelings about going to study with the military that annexed and occupied her home.

-- I feel like most Light Novel Heroes come with ... pretty emaciated supporting male casts so that the audience doesn't have to cope with the earth-shattering idea that their surrogate might have to compete with other guys for the affections of Insert-X-Number-of-Women. Think about your Kirito, whose only real male supporting cast member is Klein, who's significantly older than the rest of the cast; or your Naofumi, whose male supporting cast is entirely composed of -- well, we're meant to think of them as the most awful people around, but considering that a lot of the time that manifests as them going "We think it's bad that you're a literally slaveowner who bought a child slave, Naofumi," I'm not sure how well that works. But the supporting male cast of Cold Steel is pretty good!

-- Unlike the Light Novel protags he's clearly cribbing from, Rean does have some stuff going on beneath the surface. Not ... much, but there's some inner conflict there about how he's meant to reconcile looking after the people he cares about with the fact that he and all the people he cares about are a part of Imperialist Nightmare State Erebonia, which can and will use him as a tool of imperialism whenever it can. It's a conflict that often puts him on the wrong side. When Cold Steel III starts, he's fresh off being coerced into assisting with Erebonia's annexations of Crossbell and North Ambria, both unambiguously awful things that he's now an accessory to, one of which has put him in direct conflict with another Trails series protagonist.

-- Other characters make fun of him. Like, whenever he makes some dramatic and sentimental speech, you can bet there's a solid 30% chance another character will go "Oh fuck, oh god, he's speechifying again, someone stop him, someone stop him."

All of which combines to make him and his role in the story as LN-style Audience Surrogate ... basically fine. Like, it's fine. He's not my favourite character, in fact I think he's probably my least favourite member of Class VII because in general the character writing for the other Class VII members is pretty strong, but I'm not grinding my teeth while playing him, even if I do roll my eyes at times.

[thatonesongyouretryingtoremember]

OKAY I finally found the original post about Angela being Jane Ives and an alternate timeline El so I'm gonna link it here then go over some key points on both sides!

most of the against points are based on the original post by the lovely @/henrysglock, who is definitely the reason I'm considering every angle on this! but a couple are just me.

[This is also within Timeline Theory, there's a few different blogs about this which I'll gladly link if anyone stumbles upon this and needs catching up]

AGAINST:

Angela doesn't have any specific references to timelines, clocks, alternate universes, etc. tied with her that I know of except that she wears a watch, like so many characters do anyways. honestly the fact Angela isn't coated to hell and back in multiverse imagery should count as line, three reasons, because everyone ends relevant is SO heavily coded.

Yes the watch is her inverse version of the timememoryfuckery Sara hairband, but this could simply be to indicate the presence of timememoryfuckery with Sara in the first place.

There are other things her presence could narratively suggest, including foreshadowing for mothergate via Sleepaway Camp [I hope I got that right?] [Side note the fact Edward and El BOTH had to pretend to be someone and that fakeness is represented by Angela for them both is sO juicy]

Literally what is she doing in California if she's a number???

Does she have psionic sensitivity passed down from Terry and if so how did she not recognize El for what she is? (and vice versa- though that can be explained by El's lack of powers)

The reason El and Angela have visual parallels is because El was copying Angela, and the reason they're opposites is because El can never truly become normal like Angela or her Jane persona.

For:

It is very clear that El is not Jane/ El is not the birth daughter of Terry Ives, there's already other posts on this.

the watch is her version of El's hair band from Hopper that belonged to Sara- and isn't there a shitton of timeline/memory fuckery there?

There's little backstory for Angela. it's very clear there is something she is afraid of/something going on that motivates her, but what is it?

^^even for a similar one-season character, Troy, we actually see his mother and learn that he is afraid of losing face and disappointing her or being a victim of bullying

She parallels 002 visually, not exactly a point for or against, but sus as fuck.

Her behavior also resembles 002. She wants to scapegoat El and be the teachers favorite kid just like 002- but what is Angela afraid of? Where did she learn this behavior? every other antagonist has a very clear reason for acting like they do EXCEPT HER. We don't even know who called the police on El for her!

Visual parallels between El and Angela, but Angela is the opposite version because she's from a different timeline!

Why make Angela's outfits parallel Karen and Virginia of she isn't a Creel? [based on the Karen is Virginia theory via @/aemiron-main]

Angela is fixated on Hopper, which I just personally think is giving lab-kid.

Her name is ANGELA for fuck's sake!! Angels in ST have a positive connotation, with Mike being banned after one, with Max singing about one to El (foreshadowing El helping her live) and Victor saying an angel saved him, so WHY would Angela be named that unless there's more to find out? I speculate that this is in relation to Terry's locked-in syndrome, since she asked for Jane to come home, but it could also be in reference to El being an 'angel' via Max.

The whole point of having multiple versions of Henry/Edward is the themes of how a similarly situated person can become a totally different person based on circumstance, how the world/the pressures of society wants to squash people, and those stresses turn out different people, rather than them inherently being one thing from the get-go. in the case of Henward, every version of them has thus been shrouded in mystery, but Angela is super clearly there existing so the show could use her as a very clear/consise easy of initially delivering that theme along with peeling back several hundred layers of henward bullshit. what could hammer home the "nobody is inherently evil or fundamentally good" theme than showing everyone a universally hated girlbitch with a kill count of zero and a rage-and-sorrow filled mostergirl with the soul of a puppy and the personality of a saint and forcing them both to face how similar they really are? I phrased this super badly but basically they're built to prove a point and it would be so badass if the writers pulled this off.

A while truckload of stuff with her hair color that already has a few posts on it [mostly also courtesy of @/henrysglock I believe ] [including some on how it works with the timeline stuff in general and some about El and Jane specifically]

I honestly give this theory a 50/50 chance since it isn't a specific plotline or lore, but rather a possibility within a likely lore theory, if that makes sense. Like if ANY variation of Angela being Terry's daughter or a lab kid or an alt El or anything similar would count to me, I'm just looking at many possibilities that I think coexist. The one thing I know for sure is that she's more important than she's letting on, so more than anything I'm open to the theory changing if I find out another compelling reason why Angela is important. I am super curious because I think her and El's relationship as foils is sO fascinating as well as having more potential.

[mozart-the-meerkitten]

Hello there! I have been a fan of the Wingfeather saga series for 3 years, (and the animated series since they where aired on YouTube) and I found your fanfics on Ao3 about a year and a half ago. I just wanted to tell you that I think you are an amazing writer, and a really great Wingfeather fan :)

One thing I was wondering, what exactly was it that made Artham your favorite character? For me, it probably would've been his dynamic. Or maybe the way he was written. I'm honestly not sure lol

Hi and first of all THANK YOU SO MUCH. I’m so happy to hear you like my stories and think I’m a good Wingfeather fan. Just, just trust me when I say that means a lot to me, I always feel like I'm not doing enough, so thank you <3

Okay so I’ve been ruminating on this question for a while, because it deserves a good answer and I love my boy a lot. (also I just really appreciated the nice comments and wanted to keep staring at the ask for a while) I am going to attempt to answer it tonight though!

So, first, Artham is just very much the kind of character I like. Tragic backstory? mentally ill? loyal to an absolute fault? loves children? kind? incredible fighter? He’s all of these things and many more and these are traits I love a lot in characters.

Second, Andrew writes him really, really well. He feels so human and so real, like he’s an actual person I could be friends with (and hug). His struggles remind me of my own- he gets better and then slides backwards, he tries so hard to help the people he cares about but doesn’t always know how to do that. He wants so badly to be with his family and to be loved but doesn’t feel worthy of any of that. I love, love, LOVE that he doesn’t lose his mental illness after his transformation. I was so scared that it was just gonna disappear in book three AND THEN IT DIDN’T and I was so happy, because that’s something that happens a lot with characters in media these days- their trauma/mental illness just magically disappears and that’s not how real life works! But Artham doesn’t have that happen even though magic is involved and I love that.

Related to that second point is that I find him both relatable and encouraging. I relate to his struggles with anxiety, depression, trying to cope with past mistakes, blaming myself for things I can’t control or fix… and I find it comforting that the books show that as Sara puts it, “even the noblest soul can be broken”. We are all broken, we have all made mistakes and fallen, even those of us with noble hearts and the best of intentions, and we can come out of that. We can go on living and still find love and kindness and support from people. It’s both solidarity and a reminder that there’s some good in the world, and it’s worth fighting for.

Idk, I just draw a lot of hope from Artham and what happened to him- which sounds silly because he’s a fictional character, but human beings often process real life experiences through stories so- I keep repeating this phrase to myself, it’s kind of become my mantra, “don’t give up before you get your wings”. Because, in book 2, Artham is ready to give up, he DOES give up, and it is at that very moment that he sees Tink and all of a sudden he has a reason to live again and he FIGHTS for it, and it turns out that he was meant to be there all along to save Tink AND to be transformed and have his mind restored. And I try to remember that because I’m going through a lot of crap and I feel like giving up a lot, but remembering that maybe I’m right where I need to be, maybe if I just keep holding on a little longer I’ll get my wings- that something good will come from this- and that helps.

So, uh, yeah. I could probably go on but I think that covers most of it.

TLDR: Artham is a character I love a lot because I relate to him and I love the kind of character he is (loyal, kind, brave, and somehow so, so soft despite everything). I’m drawing a lot of hope from this fictional character and his story. He is the best boy <3

[contentloadingandstuff]

Hello! I was wondering, in the post where you listed your current asks you said you have a few other fic ideas for after you were done with requests (I think it was angst fluff and smut). I was wondering what ideas you had for those? Like what characters you plan on using or what the fics were gonna be about

Hello there! If I recall correctly, I mentioned two angst drafts. But yes, I have a plenty of ideas from all three genres. Let me open up my word doc, where I keep my ideas, and list a few.

Hurt/Comfort: Shinobu x M!Reader

Desc: Shinobu has a breakdown in the Chasm, her stoic resolve shattering under the realisation that she might as well die there. R is there to help.

A cute little idea I might get around to writing some day. Why Shinobu? Because best girl, that's why.

Angst: Breakup HCs for Beidou and Ei

It's about 95% done - it has been for over a month by now. Why didn't I release it then? Well, I'm not satisfied with how Beidou's part turned out. But then again, I'm not satisfied with most of my writing, yet you guys seem to enjoy it. When I finish requests (4 left as of now, 3 smut and 1 fluff) I'll take a look at it.

Angst: Issues of Genshin girls

Characters: Jean, Eula, Rosaria, Keqing, Ganyu, Ayaka, Miko, Shinobu, Sara

I have a draft of it on Tumblr, but I focused on doing requests lately. I'm of an opinion that 'the best food is made by a hungry chef' applies to writing as well. The best fluff comes out when you're happy, the best smut when you're thirsty, best angst when you're soul-crushingly sad. It's back to school time (I had two weeks of winter break) so writing angst is a lot easier. Haha... :(

Smut: Childe & M!Reader x Keqing

Desc: Childe gets some highly valuable blackmailing material in his hands, and wants to use it to have some fun with his best pal on an otherwise boring day. Keqing has to make a choice.

A nasty little fic with blackmailing and dubious consent included. The '&' is quite important here, as it would be straight smut, with no action between Childe and R. Will most likely remain unwritten.

Smut: Yae Miko x M!Reader x Gorou

Okay, this one might be a surprise. The fic would inculde awful stuff like mind break, brain washing and slavery (you can guess who's the victim). I know I said that I only write hetero smut, and I stand by that - I'm not certain if I like the idea enough to make an exception. But I have considered it.

Don't ask where I got these ideas. Past me clearly thought these were worth writing down, so here we are. He is quite weird, that guy.

Smut: Empress!Ei x Shogun!M!Reader x Sara

Desc: Ei and Reader reward Sara for her loyalty and uneding devotion.

Because Sara deserves it. This is the oldest smut idea I've written down.

Smut (Warhammer Fantasy): Karl Franz x Miao Ying

Desc: Karl goes on a trip to China to establish trade relations. When he gets to the palace, it turns out he left his wallet at home. How will he pay me now, thinks the dragon empress, already having a different form of payment in mind...

This idea came to be because of one diplomacy line. And the fact that, out of all the ordertide leaders, it is Franz that gets the damsels. It is confirmed by SEGA, Games Workshop, and Marek Suski. Don't check that, just trust me.

Whump: Abusive!Rosaria x M!Reader

Desc: Rosaria comes home drunk, and her kidnapped boytoy is in big trouble. Beating, cutting, and a pair of long nails are involved. I'll leave it up to your imagination where the nails go.

Very horrible idea, 'inspired' by the movie Grotesque. Don't watch it under any circumstances. It's very nasty.

Art: ModernAU!Shinobu smoking on the rooftops.

She is just such a vibe. Maybe, maybe in a year's time I'll do it. I still can't draw.

Okay, that's the first page of seven. Maybe some of these will see their own posts. But I don't know.

[araminakilla]

Day 44: Sensacine 🎞 🌟 my beloved (part 3)

Yep, the same page from before, Sensacine, has released some new images from the upcoming movie. Since there are a lot of them (more than 40) I would only show those that caught my attention. You can see the rest of them in their web page.

Spoilers coming:

Ah yes, the greatest creation of all time, the Wi-Fi! Love how Mummy get excited with modern stuff. Also it looks like he tries to cheer up Tad in the second picture, albeit he can come as innocent incensitive again like the sequel. Be glad you have someone to lean on Tad, you may lose him in a blink of an eye.

Top 10 photos taken before disaster plus "Ah! My face! My beautiful, beautiful face! I have the face of a stinking gator *whines harder* GATOR FACE! 😭"

If you got the reference, I'm very proud of you.

This scene may occur after the plane incident. It was not a good experience for both of them. Poor Belozoni. Jeff gets to fly and him? I pity the parrot.

I suspect the place is the back of the Louvre Museum, just because they got a plane to fly towards it.

In life Mummy is me. I am Mummy.

When it comes to the time I spend on my cellphone at least. Dude, this is not the place nor the time to use the Tiki Taka, there's an object to find!

I wonder what Ramona will think of that place. It looks great, but it's just a replica of what her culture used to look.

These images are very interesting, and concerning, especially the second one. Who is that woman and why she gathered that group of people?

Tad & Mummies were close to being captured, Ramirez is following Mummy's account to know his current place and Pickles seems done already, with that towel on his head and eating a croissant while drinking coffee.

He reminds me of a distant parient of Carl Fredricksen from UP, maybe it's because of the square chin or his "so tired of this adventure" attitude.

A nice journey before the disaster, glad to see Ramona is enjoying the trip. Mummy doesn't look like he is in the trip but maybe he's there, just hidden.

Again, I pity Belzoni. That poor parrot.

Many things to point out here. Why are the three mighty archeologists smiling? Is this before or after the curse is broken? It seems like Ramirez is the one who lets Tad and company go while Pickles, poor tired Pickles is like "WHAT!? You let them go!?" and I really want to know the context here.

I may be wrong and they never would acknowledge this, but maybe because Ramirez is mexican, she can understand the importance of mummies in Latin America and around the world and doesn't want them to be hurt or moved to a international facility.

Pickles, who is most likely from Chicago, doesn't think the same.

That mountain looks like the one from Sara's map on the promo where the camp of the mighty is located. There's another bike race taking place on Egypt.

You know what that means?

🎶"Another one bites the dust"🎶

I'm gonna laugh hard if Mummy calls the camel "A big, deformed llama" since camels and llamas are actually related.

I love his Egyptian outfit, purple looks good on him. I also love that he keeps the Inti symbol most of the time.

Mummy here is channeling his inner Freddy Marquez and doing an exhibition of Ramona while the trio is ectastic at meeting her and began to "do that archeology stuff" to her.

In the last image Ra-Amon-Ah be like:

"I'm surrounded by idiots"

Presenting, from Ancient Egypt...

Ra-Amon-Ah the Ammit whisperer!

Seems like this mummy lady knows how to keep Mummy calm in times of the curse, better than Tad may I add. He almost got to be Ammit's food/toy.

Maybe this is how Ramona gets to bond with Mummy, going from "Eugh" to "Awww" at the end of the journey.

Never thought I would see Ramona holding that rubber chicken, but here we are, taming an Ammit Mummy.

Speaking of Ammit Mummy, let's finish this analysis with this single, impacting picture:

Why is Mummy there? He looks like he is in control of his actions by the way he is standing, putting a paw infront of Tad and Sara as if saying "Wait" or "Don't come closer"

Maybe this is the moment he realizes there's not hope for him and he is better far away his friends?

Also who does the truck belong too? Victoria? the trio of archeologists? Agents Pickles and Ramirez?

There seems to be bars behind Ammit Mummy. Are those part of the truck or is that a broken cage?

So many questions...

Well, that's all from the moment. There are more images I want to talk about but that's for tomorrow.

Btw, today is the release of all the books from movie 3 online. Hope someone posts a page or two.

[crybabyddl]

My ‘HOLY FVCK’ review

The only words I really have are HOLY FVCK!!! This album is experimental not only for Demi, but as an artist in the pop industry. Some of the influences on the album include The Goo Goo Dolls, Avril Lavigne, and Paramore, as well as two of the three collaborators, Royal & The Serpent and Dead Sara. This album has such a wide range of songs vocally and sonically. While this album is sexually charged, it’s also laced with anger and fiery passion for change. It’s easy to look at an artist like Demi Lovato and assume that the music will be about love or their struggles with addiction, but there’s so much more than what meets the eye. This record touches on religion, sexuality, death, and all sorts of trauma. This is a great way to ease yourself into a wide range of genres while still getting the classic Lovato treatment, a.k.a. emotions up the keister and sky high vocals.

If you’re looking for a quick summary of the album, there are three songs I’d recommend listening to in order to get a feel for this new era of Demi:

1. Substance. A great track about how we as a society have so easily accepted our fate in the form of nine to fives, scrolling endlessly on our phones, and enjoying surface-level instant gratification. Lovato is tired of being complacent in this living and wants more out of life, more substance. The title is also a clear subtle play on how their recovery from addiction has helped them realize these things about life.

2. 29. This track is about a past relationship in which Lovato’s partner was 12 years older. Demi croons “Petal on the vine/Too young to drink wine/Just five years a bleeder/Student and a teacher” accompanied by a mysterious, haunting, almost twangy guitar. The lyrics will surely raise your eyebrows, especially when it’s revealed that the singer was only 17 when this relationship started. The post-chorus/bridge has some beautiful vocalizations that come back at other points. One of those reprises has Demi harmonizing with herself, bringing in those staple high notes that she is known for. It’s the definition of “twisted fantasy” all wrapped up in a song. The final nail in the coffin of the now-dead relationship is when the chorus of ‘Oh’s slowly fades with a somewhat echoing effect. It’s almost as if Lovato is in a cave and the sound is being warped by the jagged rocks on the walls. Tragedy is often beautiful, and ‘29’ is a perfect testament.

3. 4 Ever 4 Me. While I still haven’t cracked the code on the significance behind Demi choosing to use the number ‘4’ or if it was simply an aesthetic decision, I can confidently say that the songstress is in L.O.V.E. Demi’s voice is full of hope on this Goo Goo Dolls inspired song. In an interview, Lovato states that the song “Iris” is more specifically the muse behind the sixteenth and final track. She sings of meeting her partner’s mother and thanking her for raising the man she’s with. The lyrics are simple yet stellar, and I believe them to be some of the most relatable lyrics across Demi Lovato’s entire discography. If you’ve ever fallen in love and known it was more than just a trainwreck waiting to happen, you’ll know exactly how Demi feels when she sings “When we’re alone/Time floats away/We stare at each other”. It shows just how powerful love can be and that when you’re with ‘the one’ the trivial worries (and even some of the big ones) seem like no big deal.

My personal favorite track? Dead Friends.

The title is daunting, and it’s one hundred percent about dead friends. It’s no secret that Demi Lovato struggles with addiction. And while there are tracks on the album that elaborate on that journey more, (e.g. Skin of My Teeth, Help Me, and Feed) this song is about the people that didn’t survive that battle. Over the years, Demi has unfortunately lost a lot of friends due to overdoses and addiction-related deaths. This isn’t only regarding the celebrities whose tragic deaths were heard about in the news like Mac Miller and DMX, this is about people that Demi met along her road to recovery like her late friend Tommy. The song is anthemic and upbeat, while still keeping the respect for the fallen at the forefront. Lovato even asks why she survived her near-fatal 2018 overdose and others died, diving into the harrowing feelings of survivor’s guilt. Whether you or someone you know has dealt with substance abuse or not, whether you’ve lost friends, family, or pets, this song will hit you in ways you expected, but weren’t truly ready for. Lovato also hits the highest note in their register (aside from their whistle notes, which can happen even when they’re simply LAUGHING) with a showstopping Bb5. It’s insanely high and sounds like something you’d hear when your old TV would go to the *beloved* standby channel. It’s a beautiful tribute to the angels the Earth has lost.

[theherds]

Random Bella Sara Thought #1:

Brioso is the son of Allegra.

For a bit of background info Allegra (pictured right) is the Countess of herd Airistos. Brioso is the Page of herd Airistos. While looking through my cards I noticed that Brioso looked quite similar to Allegra. Now of course there are horses that look similar in Bella Sara most of which are the regular horses and those from the earlier series with alot of pure black horses for example. However, Brioso has quite a unique design that even stays fairly unique today. Before the card series Sunflowers and especially Moonfaires came out there were few fairy/insect winged horses. Maybe a few scattered about.

Now looking through the fandom I actually found that apparently Dewsparkle is his mother as it was shown in his stable. For context each horse has a picture of themselves in their stable. The foals will have pictures of their family assuming they have any. The wiki acknowledges that this relationship seems odd. Now obviously there can be simple explanations like maybe the people working on the game thought it would be funny. Maybe it was mistakenly put in there and they just left it. Whatever the reason let’s look way too into this. The series does have its own lore and story but it’s a bit odd at times and can be blurry or confusing as it’s at times inconsistent and there isn’t as much as you would thing.

So, why is it weird that Dewsparkle is Brioso’s mother?

1. Brioso is a butterfly winged horse while Dewsparkle is a dew pony.

2. Brioso looks nothing like Dewsparkle. Now realistically a child will not always look exactly like their parent or have their exact attributes as that’s not how genetics work but Brioso does not share any similarities in appearances to Dewsparkle at all. When looking at the foals of Bella Sara most will look something like their parents and have obviously similar attributes. We don’t know who the father of Brioso is but having zero traits from the mother is still odd.

3. They’re in different herds. Brioso is in herd Airistos while Dewsparkle is of herd Sunflower. As Brioso is still a foal it’s odd that he is part of a different herd as foals are typically associated with the same herd as their parents.

4. Let’s talk cards. Brioso was introduced in Royalty and hasn’t made any other appearances. Dewsparkle was introduced in Bella’s Ball as a promo card and reappeared in Sunflowers. Allegra also first appeared in Bella’s Ball along with her husband Rodrigo. Allegra would reappear in Herds of North of North but her husband would not make a reappearance. Brioso never appeared in Bella’s Ball. So they can’t even be related via cards. Part of me wonders if they meant to put Allegra’s picture instead and just didn’t care to change it or didn’t want to.

Now let’s take a look at all 3 horses. I’ve also added Dewsparkle’s Sunflower artwork and the Adventures artwork for the three adults as I think it shows what they’re meant to look like really well.

As you can see Brioso looks nothing like Dewsparkle. However, he looks a lot like Allegra. Both have dark brown coats and a black mane and tail. While not exact their wings have similar color and pattern. They both sport golden horns as well, just not in the same shape. Last but not least they also both have brown eyes. In relation to Rodrigo there isn’t nearly as much apart from the brown eyes and golden horn but Brioso does have a darker coloring on his legs, this can also be seen on Rodrigo.

It’s true that Dewsparkle also does have darker legs but that’s really the only thing. Brioso has wings and a horn while Dewsparkle does not. They’re entirely different species of horses. Dewsparkle’s eyes are blue/green while Brioso has brown eyes. Their colors do not match and Brioso has a short coat while Dewsparkle has a longer one.

So let’s get back to the theory.

I theorize that Brioso is the son of Allegra. At least biologically. As he looks very similar to her and their both from the same herd. Now let’s add to the theory of why Dewsparkle’s picture is up there and not Allegra’s.

1. Allegra gave him up. Brioso looks a bit older than a young foal so maybe Allegra gave him up when he was born. Maybe a reason was because she was too young. Rodrigo may be her husband but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t had other relations. Maybe she fell in love with another stallion before Rodrigo and had Brioso. Maybe it was a fling with some random stallion. Maybe she cheated on Rodrigo and that’s why she got rid of Brioso. Now assuming that Rodrigo is there father then I would maybe say they were just too young to take care of a child. In any of these scenarios Dewsparkle becomes his adoptive mother. Maybe she was a friend of Allegra’s and agreed to care for him. Or maybe she found him abandoned and took pity on him? Maybe after some time he returned to herd Airistos as maybe he didn’t feel like herd Sunflower was for him. Or perhaps he learns of his origins and returns to find his parents.

2. Brioso has a bad relationship with his mother. The reason I don’t say parents is there isn’t too much evidence that Rodrigo is the father but it is very much possible. Maybe she had Brioso with another Stallion but ended up marrying Rodrigo. While the hierarchy and nobility of the herds doesn’t seem to be exactly like it in our world it could still be a tight situation with her being a Countess. Wether he had a bad relationship with his mother or both his mother and his father maybe he turned to Dewsparkle as his mother figure. Maybe she was a friend of Allegra who would help watch and care for him or maybe he just happened to meet her one day. Either way maybe because his relationship with his mother wasn’t so good he chose to put Dewsparkle’s picture on the wall rather than his mother’s or parent’s to show feels more like family than his own biological mother.

Anyways that’s just my stupid little theory that went on for way too long. I’m personally gonna headcanon that he is the son of Allegra but was raised more or entirely by Dewsparkle. I haven’t yet decided tho if I shall include Rodrigo as his father and if I shall go with his mother gave him up or his has a strained relationship with her.

[totallylesbians]

Hey, it seems that you know a lot of queer films. Any suggestions which I absolutly have to see? Can you list some maybe?

DEBS is an action/comedy/romance. It follows the poster child (Amy) of a group of spies in training who falls for the notorious super criminal, Lucy Diamond. It’s super campy, but I love this movie. It’s the first LGBT movie I ever saw. Amazing casting choices. Stars Jordana Brewster, Sara Foster, Devon Aoki, Jimmi Simpson, Michael Clarke Duncan, and Holland Taylor.

Imagine Me and You. Romance/comedy. Starts off with a wedding where the bride, Rachel, notices Luce in the audience and is drawn to her. They become friends. Rachel learns Luce is a lesbian and begins questioning her own sexuality, and as that develops, she has to decide whether or not to stay with her husband or her newfound romance with Luce. Amazing casting. Piper Perabo, Lena Headey, Matthew Goode, and Anthony Head.

Carol is a romantic/drama/period film that is set in the early 1950s of New York City. It tells the story of a forbidden love affair between an aspiring (female) photographer and an older woman going through a rough divorce. Good cast. Rooney Mara, Cate Blanchett, and Sarah Paulson. Mara and Blanchett play the two leads.

Love, Simon is a romance/drama. This movie tells the story of a 17-year-old boy named Simon. He’s a closeted gay high school student, and, like most teenagers at some point, struggles to find the balance between his friends and his family. However, on top of that he also has a blackmailer that threatens to out him to everyone and is trying to figure out the identity of the anonymous classmate that he has developed feelings for that he met online. I feel this movie really shows just how complicated coming out can be for some people, even those who logically know they will still be accepted by their friends. It was incredibly relatable to me and it showed some of my friends just how I felt when making these discoveries about myself. I don’t think I could imagine a better cast for this film. It stars Nick Robinson, Katherine Langford, Jennifer Garner, Josh Duhamel, Miles Heizer, and Logan Miller.

To Wong Foo is a road comedy movie that centers around three New York City drag queens who go on a road trip together. While on this trip, their car breaks down and they have to stay the weekend in a nearby small town while it gets fixed. Now, I know this doesn’t sound like much, but I promise you, this movie is worth the watch. It was made in the mid 90s and was a monumental, pivotal movie for it’s time. PHENOMENAL casting! Especially with the three leads; Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, and John Leguizamo. John wasn’t as well known at the time, but Swayze and Snipes already had established careers as heartthrobs and badasses. All of them stood up for this movie and what it stands for and represents. I cannot recommend this one enough.

EDIT!! I meant to save as a draft and hit post instead. I will update with more tomorrow when I’m on the road.

[capow02]

001 Legends of Tomorrow?

Thanks for the ask!! And thanks for giving me an opportunity to talk about this amazing and underrated show 💜💜

Favourite character: Ava my beloved

Least favourite character: The first one that comes to mind is Bishop, because I hate everything he did to Ava, but in terms of main characters, I don't really like the hawk people from series one. They were pretty bland.

5 favourite ships: Avalance, obviously, Steelhacker is great, and Darhkatom too. Those are my main three, but I guess I also liked John with Desmond, and Gwyn was really cute with Alun.

Character I find most attractive: I wonder..

Character I would marry: Ava again lol

Character I would be best friends with: Probably Sara, but I also feel like I would befriend Nate, Zari 1, Ray, Mona, Gary and Spooner.

A random thought: Ava's imposter syndrome about being a clone was such a good choice for her character and definitely could've been explored more! That's why I loved s4e4, because Ava finally got to experience what being a child is like with Sara 😭😭

An unpopular opinion: I really like s4's main storyline and finale. I know most people hate the finale but I found it really moving, and exploring Nate's relationship with his dad was a great focus and it really made me feel closer to Nate as a character. The finale may be a bit muddled but it is definitely not the worst. I just feel like it gets unnecessary hate.

My canon OTP: Avalance obviously

My non canon OTP: I've noticed that I don't tend to ship non canon ships, but I guess Esperastra seems the most plausible (in a purely romantic sense ofc.)

Most badass character: You can't make me choose between Sara and Ava.

Most epic villain: The Darhks by far. Not only were they genuinely scary and threatening, they consistently made me laugh and somehow also managed a plausible redemption arc. Props to Neil Mcdonough and Courtney Ford for their god tier acting.

Pairing I am not a fan of: John and Zari 2 by far. I don't know what on earth the writers were thinking, they have literally zero chemistry and nothing in common. I mean, I also don't like Behrastra, and Gary with Gideon seemed weird, but at least they were somewhat plausible. Any time John and Zari had a moment I wanted to fast forward or just turn off the show. Zari deserves a million times better.

Character I feel the writers screwed up: John, but only after he started dating Zari 2. I just feel like he got more unlikeable every episode, until it got to the point I was glad he left. Also Spooner, because they had her come out as ace in the second to last episode of s7 and then immediately cancelled the show. The fact that we only got two episodes of ace Spooner is a crime.

Favourite friendship: I'm partial to book club, but other highlights include Nate and Ray, Ava and Zari 2, and Spooner and Astra. It's a found family show gosh darn it, so pretty much all of them are great.

Character I most identify with: Ava again. So many autistic traits, and the relatability is off the charts.

Character I wish I could be: Sara. The best captain ever, I wish I was half as confident as her.

Okay now everyone go watch this show, it's crazy in the best way possible 👌

[mculibrary]

All You Need Is Love Challenge!

Love has been the topic of all forms of art throughout the ages; and for our first ever challenge, we’ve pulled together some favorites to inspire stories about our beloved MCU characters!

A very special thank you to all those who shared content that means a lot to them for us to include: @ozarkthedog​​, @thecornerlot​​, @wayward-blonde​​, @adorecevans​​, @a-little-counter-esperanto​​, and @sidepartskinnyjeans​​ - your help is so appreciated!

See below the cut for guidelines and prompts - we can’t wait to see what you do!

GUIDELINES

you do not have to follow us or be an author listed in the library to participate! all entries will be reblogged.

any character that has appeared in something from the mcu is fair game; this includes the netflix series characters and characters with cameos in recent movies!

you may choose up to three prompts - one from each section. beyond that, your setting, tropes, aus, etc are completely yours to control!

most prompts are framed around romantic love but you can take them in any direction you choose - fics about platonic love or familial love, for example, are more than welcome!

there is no cap on how many people can use a single prompt or how many times a character can be associated with a prompt; you do not need to message to claim any characters or prompts. just write your heart out!

given the library’s focus, this is a non-dark content challenge unless it’s content related to canon tropes for things like mafia aus (i.e. violence, crime, murder, etc) - in those cases, use your discretion for appropriate warnings!

both reader and oc fics are welcome. all pairings (or no pairing!) are also welcome, so long as they aren’t incestous or don’t pair underage characters with characters who are of age.

challenge end date: march 4. can’t finish by then? no worries! all submissions will be reblogged and added to the masterlist, but we will stop actively promoting the challenge after that date. we will also ask anyone who hasn’t already posted their entry to reach out to us after that date so we can keep track!

finally, be sure to tag us in your entries and include the tag “mcu all you need is love challenge” so we can find your fics for reblog. If you don’t see the fic reblogged after two days, please feel free to submit it as well!

PROMPTS

ARTWORK (titles are links)

watering flowers, wang xingwei

a foregone conclusion, lawrence alma tadema

untitled (perfect lovers), felix gonzalez-torres

a romance, santiago rusiñol

in bed, henri de toulouse-lautrec

le printemps (springtime), pierre-auguste cot

dance at series (l to r: bougival, country, or city), pierre-auguste renoir

the lovers ii, rene magritte

POETRY / QUOTATIONS / LITERATURE

“I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.” - love sonnet xi, pablo neruda

“The paper is full of every kind of blooming horror / And you sit wondering / what you're gonna do. / I got it. / Come. And be my baby.” - come, and be my baby, maya angelou

“I am not yours, not lost in you / Not lost, although I long to be” - i am not yours, sara teasdale

“I lean into the rhythm of your heart to see where it will take us. / We gallop into a warm, southern wind.” - for keeps, joy harjo

“I share my face with you / but love becomes a lie / as we suffer through split masks / seeking the other half-self.” - making it, audre lorde

“Don't leave now that you're here— / Stay. So the world may become like itself again.” - before you came, faiz ahmed faiz

“You cannot look in his eyes /Because your pulse must not say / What must not be said.” - to be in love, gwendolyn brooks

“We expect you, cat and I, bluebirds and I, the stove.” - dear one absent this long while, lisa olstein

“If equal affection cannot be, / Let the more loving one be me.” - the more loving one, w.h. Auden

“When love beckons to you, follow him, / Though his ways are hard and steep.” - on love, kahlil gibran

“In silence I have watched you / comb your hair. / Intimate the silence, / dim and warm.” - we have not long to love, tennesse williams

“my thoughts about you are frightening but precise/ I can see the house on the hill where we make our own vegetables out back / and drink warm wine out of jam jars / and sing songs in the kitchen until the sun comes up” - Sthandwa sami (my beloved, isiZulu), yrsa daley-ward

“love is more thicker than forget / more thinner than recall / more seldom than a wave is wet / more frequent than to fail” - "[love is more thicker than forget]", e.e. Cummings

“I’m a girl who’ll fall / damn near in love with gratitude and, well, he / was hot and generous and so the least/ that I could do was let him kiss me, hard / and soft and any way you want it” - bar napkin sonnet #11, moira egan

“She rolls her / eyes, but he’d once asked her / Am I your first lover? and she’d /  said, Could be. Your face looks / familiar.” - love explained, jennifer michael hecht

“Taste it once / And the spell of its enchantment / Will never let you be.”, a love song for lucinda, langston hughes

“Marriage is not / a house, or even a tent / it is before that, and colder: / the edge of the forest, the edge / of the desert” - habitation, margaret atwood

“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.” -- the alchemist, paulo coelho

“I fancied you’d return the way you said, / But I grow old and I forget your name. / (I think I made you up inside my head.)” - mad girl’s love song, sylvia plath

“He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” — wuthering heights, emily bronte

”We loved with a love that was more than love.” — annabel lee, edgar allen poe

“You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways.” ― fight club, chuck palahniuk

“I will always seek to make it summer for you.”  ― rule of wolves, nikolai lantso

“Others may forget you, but not I. / I am haunted by your beautiful ghost.”, untitled, yamato hime no okimi

“As for life’s tragedies, our love will defeat them. Love is the most effective cure. In the crevices of disasters, happiness lies like a diamond in a mind, so let us instill in ourselves the wisdom of love.” - Naguib Mahfouz

"In love there are two things: bodies and words.” - Joyce Carol Oates

"To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border on miraculous." - Elizabeth Gilbert

"Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time." - Maya Angelou

"Where we love is home – home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts." - Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr

"Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place." - Zora Neale Hurston

“I love her, and that’s the beginning and end of everything.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald

"There is always madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."– Friedrich Nietzsche

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.” -- Anais Nin

MUSIC - find all songs on the playlist here!

1960s

unchained melody, the righteous brothers

say a little prayer, aretha franklin

i want to hold your hand, the beatles

be my baby, the ronettes

i was made to love her, stevie wonder

piece of my heart, erma franklin

i can’t help myself, the four tops

bring it on home to me, sam cooke

these arms of mine, otis redding

walking after midnight, patsy cline

1970s

let’s stay together, al green

waiting in vain, bob marley

how deep is your love, bee gees

three times a lady, commodores

maybe i’m amazed, wings

wonderful tonight, eric clapton

after the love has gone, earth, wind, and fire

ain’t no sunshine, bill withers

your song, elton john

the first time ever i saw your face, roberta flack

1980s

a groovy kind of love, phil collins

the sweetest taboo, sade

careless whisper, george michael

saving all my love for you, whitney houston

woman in love, barbara streisand

i want to know what love is, foreigner

making love out of nothing at all, air supply

ain’t nobody, chaka khan

total eclipse of the heart, bonnie tyler

we’ve got tonight, kenny rogers and sheena easton

1990s

damn i wish i was your lover, sophie b hawkins

kiss me, sixpence none the richer

i’ll be there for you/you’re all i need to get by, method man

end of the road, boyz ii men

truly madly deeply, savage garden

dreaming of you, selena

mary jane (all night long), mary j blige

iris, goo goo dolls

hey lover, ll cool j

where does my heart beat now, celine dion

2000s

somewhere only we know, keane

save room, john legend

the limit to your love, feist

untitled (how does it feel), d’angelo

diary, alicia keys

yellow, coldplay

she will be loved, maroon 5

home, edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros

pretty wings, maxwell

you and me, lifehouse

2010s/2020s

work song, hozier

light my love, greta van fleet

say it first, sam smith

slow dancing in the dark, joji

love on the brain, rihanna

little things, one direction

hold me while you wait, lewis capaldi

love galore, sza

what a time, julia michaels and niall horan

love., kendrick lamar

first love / late spring, mitski

right where you left me, taylor swift

i won’t give up, jason mraz

love drought, beyonce

leave the door open, silk sonic

as the world caves in, matt maltese

she said, dvsn

just give me a reason, pink and nate ruess

when we were young, adele

still don’t know my name, labrinth

[juniorgman187]

The Bones (Reid Series) Part 1

Summary: Almost a year after Maeve’s death, Spencer reaches out to the recipients of Maeve’s donated organs to reconnect with his lost love. However, when the receiver of her heart, Reader, doesn’t write back, Spencer goes on a poorly-motivated mission to find her. 

Playlist: “The Bones” by Maren Morris & Hozier   (BONUS: song includes major foreshadowing)

A/N: There is an OC in this story because to me, writing “(y/n)” over and over again cheapens the story and doesn’t flow well. It was a personal decision, and to anyone it sincerely bothers, I’m sure there’s a way you can insert your own name instead. This fic is also inspired by “Things We Know By Heart” by Jessi Kirby. Category: Series, Soft Angst, Eventual Smut + NSFW content* Pairing: Spencer Reid POV x Fem!OC Content Warning: allusions to death, mourning, loss, recovery, arrhythmia (this is an intro chapter, so it’ll get more interesting from here I promise) Word Count: 2.2k

This will be a multi-part series.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

It all started that first autumn after Maeve’s death - just five weeks past a year since I parted with her. I was absentmindedly reading when, rather out of the blue, Mary Donovan called to inform me about a Mrs. Rachel Larsen. 

Although we didn’t learn her actual name until later, she was first known to us as the recipient of Maeve’s liver. Not a single one of the three of us - Maeve’s parents and me - had expected a recipient to be in contact with us. That inability to predict such an event was caused by my neglect to remember Maeve was an organ donor. It wasn’t particularly relevant in the grand scheme of things, and for that forgetfulness, I was truly ashamed, but after reading Rachel Larsen’s letter together with the Donovans, it all came back to me. 

Every single thing. 

You see, despite the anonymity of the person writing to us, it was as if I could actually feel Maeve’s soul coming alive again, as strange as that sounds. 

She was still here with me ... in some form. 

Later that night, when I would return to an empty apartment, I would wonder why I hadn’t thought of reaching out to the recipients before. Even though I’d already started writing a thank you letter back to Rachel, the thirst for more of Maeve became increasingly insatiable. 

While I did have fond memories of her to live by, I couldn’t thrive off of them in the way that I did with that letter. Our only moments together worth reliving were those spent over the phone, a time when I didn’t even know what she looked like. But that letter from Rachel Larsen ... it was somehow more wholesome and pure than any memory of the living Maeve that I could cultivate.

You could say I was doing this to ease my mourning, meaning it should’ve made me feel better, but that didn’t stop the guilt from eating away at me piece by piece as I wrote letters to the rest of the recipients. 

The Donovans had no idea I was doing this, but I reasoned to myself that they would appreciate the surprise. Though they were still undeniably riddled with grief, smiles embellished their sullen faces when they read about Rachel’s quality of life now with a new liver. So maybe, just maybe, hearing from the rest of the receivers would be good for us all. At least, that’s what I told myself.

In one of those rare moments when inspiration strikes and it courses through your veins at the speed of lightning, I found myself being more productive than I had been in nearly a year. By midnight, I’d successfully composed five letters, each dedicated to the receiver of one of Maeve’s major organs - none of which, though, included my identity.

Given the fragile process of contacting the transplant coordinators, getting consent forms, and premeeting counseling, it would be months, if not years, before I would be able to really speak with these faceless people. Nothing against Donor Family Services - I’m sure they do the best they can - but for me, their best wasn’t good enough. So instead, I enlisted the help of someone I knew could never let me down. 

“Are you sure you want me to do this?” Penelope peered up at me from her seat, her pinky finger hesitantly hovering over the ‘enter’ button. 

“Yes.” 

With just one click, she discovered the addresses of each one of those faceless people. This singular operation, albeit somewhat unethical, was the final piece to my puzzle. All there was left to do now was send the letters to them, with the tenuous hope they might send one back. 

Luckily for me, not a single recipient questioned how I managed to find them or why this process wasn’t being handled by Donor Family Services, but I suppose if they did wonder those things, they didn’t feel comfortable asking me. Especially not after they learned who I was in relation to their donor. I didn’t intend to guilt-trip anyone with what I wrote in my letters nor did I want to take advantage of anyone’s empathy, but how could you possibly make a foe out of your organ donor’s grieving boyfriend? Exactly - you can’t. So you don’t. Instead, you send an inviting letter back, telling me you’d love to meet. Which is what four of them did.

Only one person didn’t reply, and while an 80% success rate was great, I simply couldn’t let this one go. Trust me, I would have ... had it been any other organ. 

For quite some time, I was the one with Maeve’s heart. 

I just needed to see where it was now.

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

The heart has several definitions and corresponding connotations. 

Scientifically speaking, the heart is a hollow muscular organ that pumps the blood through the circulatory system by rhythmic contraction and dilation. However, figuratively, the heart can be seen as the central or innermost part of something. The heart of a city, for example. But in literature, the heart is symbolic of love. It is often regarded as the source of all knowledge, which is where the comparison between the head and the heart comes from. The head operates logically, whereas the heart functions emotionally, but despite the rationality the head holds, the heart is what people advise you to listen to because it holds the ultimate truth. 

The heart, because it is equipped with your truest feelings, supersedes any logic and reason the head might hold. 

But you see, I only ever knew Maeve’s mind. I could understand the inner workings of it - I’d probably be able to navigate through her consciousness if I entered it given the fact that our intellect matched one another’s - and I shared nearly identical thought processes with her, but that was all that I ever knew. 

And if that was how much knowledge she held in her head alone, then, undoubtedly, her heart held so much more.

Science defines the heart as an organ. Figurative language uses the heart to establish a focal point. Literature likens the heart to love. But I compare her heart to the ocean. Like the sea, Maeve’s heart was 80% undiscovered, and exploration was simply calling my name. 

For that reason, and that reason alone, I couldn’t abandon my pursuit of it. 

That’s not to say I wasn’t ashamed of this mission, though. If anything, shame for the man I had become in the face of Maeve’s death was the only feeling I was truly capable of anymore. Any other emotions were fleeting or insincere. 

Unfortunately, that slimy, disgusting feeling was only amplified times ten when I found myself driving two hours and forty-five minutes to get to Virginia Beach. 

No sane man would drive this far on a weekday for even their most prized possession, and yet here I was, exactly 180 miles away from home, seeking out someone who hadn’t had the courtesy to even write me back, let alone agree to meet with me. Who knows if she’d even give me the time of day. 

She being Valerie. 

“Valerie Elise Bishop was born on August 5th, 1988 in Henderson, Nevada, to parents Andrew and Sara, but when Valerie turned seventeen, she was diagnosed with arrhythmia,” Garcia explained to me over the phone on the car ride here. “It’s when-”

“When the electrical impulses that coordinate your heartbeats don't work properly, causing your heart to beat too fast, too slow or irregularly,” I accidentally cut in. Realizing I interrupted Garcia, I brought her back into the conversation by asking, “I know there are more than 3 million cases per year in the U.S, but isn’t it usually common for ages 60 or older?” 

“You are most certainly correct, Boy Wonder. It is more common in ages 60 and older, however, her maternal grandmother passed away from arrhythmia, so the family history increased the likelihood.” 

At the sound of this news, I had to pull the car over and physically stop just so I could grasp the weight of what I was really doing. 

“In Henderson, Nevada ... maternal grandmother passed away ... family history increased the likelihood …” Garcia’s voice rang in my head. 

It was then that I came face to face with the gravity of reality. 

Valerie wasn’t just a faceless name or a recipient of Maeve’s heart, she was a person. And her humanity only became more apparent to me the more Penelope spoke. 

For god’s sake, she and I grew up in the same state. She and I saw the same sunsets from the same little corner of the earth. She drove down the same highways and byways - we might’ve even crossed paths at one point or another! Not to mention that she lost her grandmother to the same disease that she was suffering from, and if there was one thing consistent about arrhythmia, it was very likely she’d been living with it for decades, if not her entire lifetime. It’s a long term disease that takes years to improve but only seconds to kill. All it would take is just one irregular beat, and she’d be dead. How can you possibly live with that constant fear looming over your head? 

She is a person. I had to remind myself. Not just a means to explore more of Maeve. 

“Hey, Garcia,” I turned the car back on. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” 

“What do you mean?” I could just feel panic begin to rise in Garcia. 

“No, I’m not talking about life, I’m talking about this.” Though she couldn’t see, I grandly gestured to the location, the car, and the passenger seat that was cluttered with files on Valerie. “I don’t feel right invading her privacy like this. It’s just selfish.” 

I wasn’t the only one mourning something here. 

“Are you sure?” Penelope clarified. Which was ironic considering she was the one who was unsure of doing any of this, to begin with. What was I thinking? I shouldn’t have dragged Garcia into this. Something as immoral as this was totally against her character, but she did it anyway because her loyalty to her friends conquers all. 

Like I said, my shame multiplied times ten. If not for Valerie, then certainly for Penelope. 

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’m heading home.” 

“Okay,” She softly returned. “Be safe.” 

“Oh, and Garcia?” I asked before ending the call. “Thanks.” 

“Of course. Anything for you, Dr. Reid.” 

By the time I ended the call, the sun was already setting - that’s how long I’d been on the road for. The nearly-three-hour drive I would have to make for the second time today meant I wouldn’t be home in time to beat the pitch-black sky, so considering I was already in for a long night, I made a little detour for the one thing I couldn’t go home without.

A piping hot cup of coffee. 

I felt something as rewarding as caffeine was well deserved for the self-restraint I demonstrated minutes ago. And maybe it was my exhaustion, both mental and physical, that brought me to the near conclusion that I would truly let this go, but I was honestly feeling like I could accept this. An 80% acceptance rate. Not bad, right? 

Though I was basically half-asleep while waiting for my coffee, I could not miss the barista when she said, “Valerie! Your order’s ready!”

What are the chances?

A jolt of energy surged through my body and brought me back to life, causing me to whip my head around at the slightest semblance of movement. On instinct, my gaze gravitated to the woman walking towards the front counter. My pull to her was so strong that even if I hadn’t studied file upon file on her that included pictures of what she looked like, I still would’ve recognized her in a heartbeat.

I just knew. That’s her. 

I had no plan whatsoever for how I should approach this, and yet I still rose from my seat, motivated by nothing more than the single belief that I needed to.

Was this the universe telling me that I was meant to run into her after all? That I needed to meet the woman with an oceanic heart?

But when I finally got to where she was, she glided effortlessly past me, not paying any mind to my presence. Why would she though? To her, I was no one. To her, I was the faceless person. 

“Excuse me!” I bolted to the front counter after realizing I might’ve just missed my opportunity. The barista, stunned and concerned, furrowed her brows while she waited for my question. “Is that girl a regular here?”

“Valerie?” She pointed in her direction, to which I nodded rapidly. “Oh, yeah. She comes in here all the time. She works just across the street.” 

When I came to this coffee shop, it was simply by chance. It wasn’t even the closest cafe, but it was the one I chose to go to for some inexplicable reason. 

I’d like to think it was fate. I was meant to be here after all. Because right behind me stood the storefront of a building I had only briefly read about in Valerie’s file.

The Bones,  Art Gallery & Studio

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

PART 2 HERE!

comment to be added to taglist or CLICK HERE to be added to a taglist of your choice!

taglist: @rainsong01 @calm-and-doctor @inkstainedwritergirl @rexorangecouny @ashwarren32 @carooliina @fortheloveofcriminalminds @watermelongubler  @obsessedmaggiemay @k-k0129 @aperrywilliams @eevee0722 

@dreatine​ @bisexualwomanofcolour​ @andiebeaword​ @a-broken-pact​ @kylab​ @thelovelyrose​ @rexorangecouny​ @goldentournesol​ @sierraraeck​ 

[littlx-songbxrd]

Ok I meant to answer you're question about what I thought of the show ages ago but I forgot.

I LOVED IT OMGGGG! I got so many kitty vibes from Wilhelm and Simon! The touching! The softness! It's those vibes exactly! I want that energy in TWP.

COMRADE SIMON!! We stan! That speech he made at the very beginning about the differences in attitudes towards "tax evasion" vs. "Welfare fraud." Legend behavior.

Sara!!!! My girl!!!!!! An autistic/adhd character PLAYED BY AN AUTISTIC ACTRESS!!!! THIS IS SO HUGE!!! I would die for my problematic queen. I made an entire post on her but the gist is, I get where she's coming from and understand why she feels the way she feels but dear God girl make better choices and stay the hell away from August.

Speaking of.... I wanna run August over several times. Vroom vroom motherfucker. The fact that he

- filmed MINORS HAVING SEX AND TGE POSTED IT ONLINE

-kissed Sara behind Felice's back when they were still dating WITHOUT HER CONSENT BTW

- Wanted to blame Simon for the drugs because he knew it would be easy because Simon's family is lower class and doesnt have the same social standing as one of the "members of the society"

- Also it didn't escape my notice that the cult like faternety type group with all the rich, mainly white boys is called The Society. This shows commentary on class is vv interesting. Especially the little things like two girls just randomly advocating for THE DEATH PENALTY. The rich people audacity.

-Anyways back to August, when he tried to excuse his actions with Wilhelm and get all teary like no bitch you can't manipulate your way out of this one. And again with Sara! When he said "Wilhelm has everything" I wanted to scream! Like he's fucking closeted and clearly suffering from panic attacks and extreme anxiety you moron.

-Anyways!! I also think that Wilhem might be autistic because he just feels autistic. Like the vibes are there.

- The girl group is so sweet? And to have the popular girl be a Black girl who isn't "stereotypically attractive" with a more medium sized body and bad acne. As someone who has really bad skin I needed that. Felice is kinda awesome imo.

Let me see what else??

-Simon and his mom speaking Spanish consistently throughout the show. It sounded pretty natural to me? But I'm not a native speaker. (Or even fluent honestly lol.)

- Simon and Wilhelm are honestly so adorable and in love and it made my heart ache. (I am so touch starved I swear..)

-My only main beef is the outing plotline and the show using an outdated medical term for Sara, aspergers. It's literally just autism. Also it's kind of offensive because Hans Asperger was a n*zi who literally killed autistic children because they weren't useful to capitalism. SOOOO yeah.

As for the outing plotline, I feel like the cishets have like three plotlines that they use for queer stories. Outing/coming out, one of them dies, or one if them bullies the other until they both fall in love. It's tired.

But overall I really loved it.

HI SORRY I HADNT REPLIED

I wanted to correctly talk to you about this series so I logged in through my computer to make it easier for me :D

LOOK AT THIS POINT IVE RELATED THEM TO LITERALLY EVERY COMFORT SHIP I HAVE LIKE. I've compared this to kitty, I've compared this to Thomastair, I've compared this to my friends to ocs who she has obsessed me with (youd actually like them if you liked this tbh) IVE COMPARED ME TO MY OCS

BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY I JUST LOVE THEM

IF KITTY DOESNT HAVE THIS ENERGY IN TWP WHAT WAS THE POINT

what was the point cc??

S I M O N

OH GOD WHEN HE SAID THAT I WENT OMG YEAH

new favorite character

Great

SHES PLAYED BY AN AUTISTIC ACTRESS?? Sorry I hadn't known! Haven't actually gotten to obsessively look at the cast I've been trying to get over the last episode BUT THATS SO COOL. SARA IS AMAZING AND I ADORE HER. I'll read your post after this! But of course STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM AUGUST GIRL PLEASE

Tbh I understood where she was coming from with everything with Simons image falling apart and her having to suffer when she had just started having friends , just after finding he had been lying to her. But love, AUGUST?

A U G U S T ???

WHO JUST FOUND OUT OUTED YOUR BROTHER

Also random and stealing this from @marzzinaa i totally hc Sara as a demi girl for some reason

Im kinda sad we didnt see her speak spanish as much we did simon :(

But oh well I LOVE HER AND YEAH STAY AWAY FROM AUGUST GOD

FAE WE RUN HIM OVER TOGETHER BROOM BROOM

You already said it all, I just agree

Ok I'll bring a machete you bring whatever you wish and we kill him sound good?

ALSO YEAH I TOTALLY NOTICED HOW THE ECONOMIC DINAMICS CAME INTO PLAY AND HOW IT BASICALLY LET YOU KNOW HOW THE PRIVILEGED ELITES COULD GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING

meanwhile they wanted to pass off to Simon who came from a lower class family the blame

Also I'd like to mention how that would also play into the stereotype latinos are all drug dealers

Which I love how they didnt make his dead beat alcoholic man the latino parent, when I first read the description I thought they might do that, but im so glad they didnt

I think it might have been a comentary idk i liked that they DIDNT make the poc parent the dead beat

THE FRIEND GROUP WAS SO COOL AND I LOVED ALL OF THEM AND YES FELICE WAS JUST <3

I love how they didnt make her stereotypically perfect AND YES MID SIZED REP WAS AMAZING TO SEE

Also im so glad you got to see that represented!!

So I am a native speaker and him talking to his mom MADE ME CRY

it was WONDERFUL I WANT MORE OF IT

pls most her phrases reminded me to my own mom

Autistic wilhelm you say?? omg tell me more (if you want)

Oh thats awful, well I'll just refer to Sara as autistic and hope the showrunners fix that next season because if they dont-

Yikes

Oh yeah, thats valid critisism. But in my opinion they actually wrote it pretty well so I wont really be complaining about an overall media problem with queer stories rn. If so I'll be here all day. But yeah its an overall problem but it wasnt done bad in my opinion so!

I'll shut up, for now

IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT FEEL FREE TO KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT WITH ME PLS ITS MY OBSESSION NOW IM GONNA BE ANNOYING ABOUT IT ALL MONTH

[anika-ann]

Attached - No Strings Attached Highlights

Hey there, Attached readers :)

I think there were a few of you who clearly hated the idea of reading the Professor!Steve crossover with Chuck (no hard feelings, y’all)

So in the light of that, I wrote down the highlights of each chapter for you in case you’d like to continue reading Attached and would like to understand a reference to some of the BIG events you missed when it comes to it 💗

I know I’m kind shooting myself in the foot here, but hey🤷‍♀️ The following two-shot is rather closely tied to the events of this crossover, so...

Buckle up!

Chapter 1:

- a test is being taken by great part of the students of reader’s uni to determine their potential as an analyst for ‘MINISTRY’ – one of the presenters is a cute guy Chuck whom Y/N happened to literally run into in a hallway earlier that day - as strange as it is, reader does fill in answers and leaves home with a headache she has no idea where it came from

Chapter 2:

- after some rest and tender care, Steve and Y/N go to their usual workout place – but the headache starts coming back, leading to Y/N go out and get some air - best to her luck, a shooting takes place; a woman with a gun shooting back at the original assailant helps Y/N and tries to get her to safety – and Y/N doesn’t really protests, because the woman is one of the presenters from the ministry, Sarah - basically shoved into a car, Y/N watched her phone being destroyed and is injected with something that makes her pass out

Chapter 3:

- waking up in a strange interrogation-room like space with a bed, Y/N is greeted by Chuck, who promises her she’s safe there –he tells her his real surname and explains what is happening - while getting snacks, she learns that the gunman was by the gym for her and her excellent results in the test… which is meant to determine who would be the best for an extremely important position for the CIA; Chuck explains he can relate to her, having taken the same test and being it that position and getting there rather involuntarily - taking the info in, Sara and Casey (another team member) arrive and tell her what happens next; scared for Steve and Penny mostly, she demands a phone call… and learns that the university has a unit of spies

Chapter 4:

- Bucky is contacted by a panicked Steve and as he tried to keep an eye on him, he gets a phone call - Bucky’s POV offers an insight – it’s Casey calling him about the events, because Bucky Barnes is a CIA agents in training 😲, which Steve finds out due to a silly slip while Bucky’s n the phone - Steve demands to talk to Y/N and in the end gets his way, s they both know the other is okay - confirmed CIA university unit members: Bucky Barnes (in training), Carol Danvers, Natasha Romanoff (formerly at the university)

Chapter 5 (Bucky’s chapter, with flashbacks):

- Steve is obviously pissed at Bucky for keeping secrets – but Bucky managed to talk Casey into brining Steve to the base Y/N is in, so they are going there and they talk about how Bucky became a spy - highlights: - Bucky catches a sight of Romanoff at Y/N graduation ceremony and follows her as she meets with Sharon Carter; he is caught and knocked unconscious; he wakes up in secret location with Romanoff and Fury, bargains to join, Natasha becomes his senior officer and trainer                - during a training, Bucky keeps getting closer to Natasha, learns about her SO (Clint), a friendship is slowly born (and Bucky realizes even more than friendship)                -  over a ‘friendly’ dinner, Bucky learns that Fury & co. helped Y/N and Steve to get back together before and during her graduation, because they wanted to keep Professor Rogers for the reputation of the university and keep the influx of good students/potential CIA recruits… it is implied that Natasha and Bucky hook up that night for the first time - confirmed CIA university unit members: Sharon Carter (in training), Nicholas Fury (big boss), Sam Wilson (part of the unit, position unspecified)

Chapter 6:

- Steve and Y/N reunite 🥰 and a plan is formed to lure out the shooter rather than keep the pair and perhaps a few of their loved ones locked up in a safe location - the plan is to secure a mall and post a picture of Y/N and Steve checking out wedding rings and than hang out in the mall, hoping Batroc (the gunman) to take the bait and be apprehended, potential partners included - Chuck is a huge emotional support still, Steve is still angry with Bucky

Chapter 7:

- the plan is executed - Steve and Y/N actually make a reservation for rings, because a pair caught their eye and after Steve is a insufferable romantic, they settle in an open-space restaurant

- Natasha and Bucky are in surveillance so their cover at the city isn’t blown, Batroc is apprehended and his accomplice is spotted in time to be caught too - the comms get jammed and Steve gets Y/N t the ground the moment it happens – she’s okay, but he got a graze from the bullet - tired from the lack of sleep, emotionally exhausted and shot, he passes out

Chapter 8:

- while Steve is unconscious, recovering from a successful surgery, Y/N is officially offered a position in the CIA programme along with a scholarship and finds out CIA looked into her financial situation - Chuck tells her about a million reason why it sucks, but tells her about making a difference he gives her a new phone (tax payers paid for, yay) which he put all of her old data in and he installed his number in - Steve wakes up, there are many tears and mostly a conclusion that she will not be applying for the programme - Bucky learns the uni is likely too keep an eye on Y/N, it is underdetermined whether she even will get a choice to join or she will be forced - team Sarah, Casey, Chuck leave - an unknown culprit hacks into CIA database and deletes test scores of three students (Y/N’s included)

 So, most importantly:

- Bucky is a spy and there are spies at the university

- Bucky has a thing with Natasha, who is his trainer/senior agent, no labels

- Y/N is really damn smart and has a potential (and zero interest) to become a badass and important CIA asset

- Steve and Y/N have found their dream rings

- Steve got shot (‘just a graze’) when protecting Y/N, he should be fine

- Y/N might have made a friend (Chuck, normal guy who got tangled in CIA business)

- Bucky might have seriously bruised his friendship with Steve by keeping secrets

-

Yep, this was not a great time for Steve and Y/N... it might get better though... might.

Many thanks to those who read and supported me though the 40k words 💕✨

[mootmuse]

I was tagged by @pleasetakethis. Thank you, it’s been forever since I did one of these!

rules: tag nine people you want to get to know better/catch up with, then answer these Q’s 

three ships: Let’s say Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus first, because that’s the first ship I can remember when I ship it because I genuinely feel like romance is the natural way for their relationship to deepen, instead of just shipping it out of a sort of defensive mechanism where fandom’s going to be full of romance-as-endgame stuff anyway so I might as well enjoy it. It’s fascinating, that being the only way I can imagine two characters getting that close to each other. Very new to me. 

Second, because one of pleasetakethis’ listed ships made me think of it, Snape/Hermione, whose ‘if they met after she grew up and got settled and could meet him as an equal, wouldn’t that be an interesting dynamic’ fics were the only ones I can think of where I shipped anything other than two men. And you know what? It was an interesting dynamic, and it’s always fun seeing him learn to be less of a shit. I should search out some of those old fics, read them as a kid but I bet most of them still hold up.

Third... Hm. Let’s say Geralt/Jaskier, not because I actively ship it but because the differences between their relationships in the Witcher’s different adaptations is so interesting. Their book relationship is still and will always be my favourite, Dandelion’s such a dumb fuck and Geralt adores him so much. Their friendship is the best. And Dandelion’s characterization in the Witcher games goes from good to horrible (if you’re judging by his book personality, which the games started out recreating) as you go through the three games, so by the third they have almost no relationship at all, because 3 seems to only recreate the worse aspects of his book personality with very little attention to what made Dandelion interesting and the two of them so close, both when it comes to Dandelion himself and to Geralt’s behavior toward him. And then you have the Netflix version, where it’s hard for me not to read it as Jaskier having a tragic unhealthy decades long Thing for Geralt which is in no way reciprocated, where the canon’s badly written enough that the fic writers seem to write all their creative, well thought out and consistently characterized stories almost in revenge. I don’t actively ship it but the pairing is the Witcher fic I’m usually most interested in, and the adaptation differences are interesting.

last song: current song is Deadcrush by Alt-J

last movie: I can’t seem to get interested/stay interested in watching things, so I really can’t remember the last one I watched. Last show is Elementary, though. Or hbomb’s three hour video about Deus Ex, if that counts. It should, for the timestamp if nothing else. Still watching the beginning of it on and off. 

currently craving: enough quiet that I don’t have to blow out my eardrums with music just to stay calm. at least the music is good. (Now Purple Hat by Sofi Tukker. Also very good.)

currently reading: A variety of ‘what if mcu loki was raised by jotun and then met thor as an adult’ fics. I’ve been on a ‘Thor’s character development’ kick and searching around various Thor related A03 tags. Outside that, the last book I read might have been one of Sara Monette’s Labyrinth series forever ago, which I had to stop reading because it was too consistently like ‘bad things constantly happening’ for me. A shame, because that first one was the first new book to genuinely get my interest in a long time, but the series just wasn’t great for my state of mind. That was at least a year ago, though. Probably more? Tried to read Unseen Academicals the other day, couldn’t work up the interest.

no-pressure tagging names in no particular order in case people want to do this under the cut:

@skollwolf

@nazzledazzle​

@climeslover​

@quasikool​

@the-heart-of-leo​

@dustdevil​

@lazyscience​

@gluecookie​

@i-fought-space​

@lozenger8​

[sou-ver-2-0]

Sou Hiyori and Kanna’s Sister Parallels

In my short time in the Your Turn to Die fandom, I haven't seen anyone discuss the similarities between our Sou Hiyori and Kanna's older sister Kugie. This subtle parallel is one of the many fantastic writing details in this game, and it happens to be my favorite one. So I wanted to talk about it! 

I love the irony that the characters in YTTD draw a more obvious parallel between Kugie Kizuchi and the game's protagonist, Sara Chidouin. Both Sara and Kugie are high-school aged girls, and Sara often plays the part of Kanna's big sister, leading Kanna to project her feelings for Kugie onto Sara. Although this is sweet, it's still a superficial parallel. Sara and Kugie play the same role, but how similar are they really? If you choose to chat with Kanna on the first day of Chapter 2's storyline, Kanna will tell you the truth about her adoptive sister. Instead of idealizing her, Kanna paints a more complex picture of a flawed young woman. Unlike Sara, Kugie bullied Kanna when they first met. It took time for the pair of them to feel like real siblings. On a deeper level, Kugie's own mini-character arc is very different from Sara's arc, but it perfectly mirrors Sou's arc!

Both Kugie and Sou have a cruel streak and they each make rash judgments about other people. However, they eventually reveal with their actions that they truly love Kanna deep down. While Sara can make the choice to abandon Kanna, both Kugie and Sou would die for the girl. Because of the striking parallels I see between Kanna's memories of Kugie and Kanna's present relationship with Sou, I want to believe that Kugie was just as willing as Sou was to die in order to save Kanna's life. Kugie's story effectively acts as a microcosm of Sou's story. So let's take a close look at it.

KANNA: ...Sara... / You're just like... my sister.

SARA: Huh...?

KANNA: Your strength... and your kindness... / ... / But my sister... / Wasn't always kind from the moment we met.

SARA: (The moment they met...?)

If you speak to Kanna during negotiation time on Day 1 of Chapter 2, the girl begins her story by telling Sara that she's just like her sister, since Sara shares Kugie's "strength and kindness." However, she admits that her sister "wasn't always kind from the moment we met." This is the first major difference between the two girls, and it's what clued me into the idea that Kugie's story might be a metaphor for Sou's story instead. It's also an early moment in which Kanna reveals that she's not as naive as people think she is. She's aware that Kugie was flawed, just like she's aware of Sou's flaws. She keeps choosing to believe in their capacity for good, even as she understands that they are capable of hurting her. 

  Following this revelation, we come to a notable choice.   

1. CHOICE: You aren't blood-related?

SARA: ...Kanna. Are you and your sister not blood-related...?

KANNA: ...Right...

2. CHOICE: Guess I win

SARA: I was nice from the start, so guess I win.

KANNA: Ah... Even the way you say weird things like that is just like my sister...

SARA: (Strangely, that just got her more emotional...)

Sara can either ask "You aren't blood-related?" or smugly observe "Guess I win." Either way, Kanna will steer the conversation back to her adoption by the Kizuchi family. But the choice to declare "victory" over Kugie here fascinates me, since it's easy to connect this competitive sentiment to Sara's relationship with Sou. While Sara and Sou are obviously in a competition for their lives, what ends up mattering more is their competition for Kanna's affections. In both cases, Sou is painfully aware that he's the underdog with "zero percent chance of success." Sou is sure that Kanna would choose Sara's life over his life, if she were forced to make that awful choice.

For Sou, who believes that Kanna loves him less, his moral dilemma is whether to support Kanna in spite of this. The fact that he supports her unconditionally in the second Main Game speaks to his strength of character. He proves that he truly values Kanna more than his own life. For Sara, who already feels comfortable in the "victory" of Kanna's devotion, the moral question becomes whether the player will make choices that are worthy of the girl. Will you help Sou protect her? Or will you decide that Kanna's life is worth less than Sou's hacking skills? Sara's choice determines whether she truly shares Kugie's "strength and kindness."

I'll come back to Kanna's feelings on this "competition" later. For now it's enough to say that she recognizes that competitive streak in Kugie too, and that memory makes her "emotional." It shows how she loves these three characters even when they say "weird things." Again, Kanna is aware of Sara, Kugie, and Sou's flaws but still feels affection for them. That's just how it is when you love someone.

Kanna continues her story:

KANNA: ...See, Kanna's adopted.

SARA: ...!

KANNA: She came to her current family from an orphanage when she was little...

SARA: So you had different parents, too?

KANNA: Mom and dad were really kind... / Kanna... was determined to always smile, childishly thinking "I can't trouble them." / ...And Kanna's sister didn't seem to like her...

Here, Kanna reveals that she has always had the type of personality where she tries hard to please others. She was worried about being a burden long before the Death Game, but for a more ordinary reason; she's adopted. She's always been self-conscious. Her ongoing heartbreak and anxiety comes from a deep place of worrying that her big sister doesn't love her. This informs her current relationships with both Sara and Sou.

At this point, the narrative shifts to a flashback of Kanna's memories.

MOM: Stop it, Kugie! Why do you do such cruel things?!

KANNA: No, it's fine! Kanna's not angry... She's not, really... / Look, see! Ahaha... Ehehehehe...

KUGIE: ...What're you always laughing for?

KANNA: Huh...?

KUGIE: ...You're creepy. I hate it.

DAD: Hey, stop that! Apologize, Kugie!

Kugie calls Kanna "creepy" and even says that she "hates" that part of her. Sara can't ever say such cruel words to Kanna; the worst you can do as a player is speak sternly to her sometimes. But Sou absolutely can say cruel things. He has called Kanna "stupid kid," "dead weight," and a "hindrance" in front of the entire group. And just like the Kizuchi parents scolded Kugie for her mean words, our group members condemn Sou for his mean words.

Now, we know Sou wasn't actually speaking his heart with those words. He didn't have malicious intent. (In fact, he was trying to save Kanna's life.) Sou said those words because he wears a mask to cover his true self. That's the essence of his character. He tries to sound tough and logical to force people to take him seriously. He assumes that once he lets his guard down and shows weakness, everyone will vote to kill him. He becomes a bully because he's insecure.

What if Kugie was also wearing a mask when she bullied Kanna? Not because of the Death Game like Sou, but for a more ordinary reason. Maybe she was simply trying to sound "cool." Maybe Kugie bullied Kanna because she was also insecure, and it would be easy to take out her insecurity on a little girl like Kanna. Kanna is an awkward child who speaks in the third person and laughs for no reason. It would be easy for an older girl to look at Kanna and think, "At least I'm not as embarrassing as that." Even though we don't know Kugie as well as Sou, I think it's a logical assumption.

KANNA: Even then, I kept on smiling... I didn't... want to make sister out as a villain. / But one day, when it became unbearable... I ran away from home.

This is the saddest part but I love it because it's a direct parallel to what Kanna says about Sou! 

During the Second Main Game, when Kanna confesses that she took the Sacrifice card from Sara, she says, "Kanna...Kanna...!! She didn't want to let Sara die...!! And also...!! She didn't want to make Sou a murderer...!!" 

The things Kanna does for these two!!

In other words, there comes a point for both Kugie and Sou where their actions are so harmful that Kanna feels like she has to throw herself away to thwart their "villainy." She runs away from home. She takes the Sacrifice Card. Because she doesn't want these two people she loves to become villains.  

We continue Kanna's story with another flashback. This time, it's accompanied by visual imagery of a small Kanna sitting by herself and crying while hiding her face under a bucket.

KANNA: ...sniff... sob...

KANNA: (narrating) I couldn't go home. I didn't want to... Thinking that to myself, I sat in the park with a bucket on my head and cried.

This is Kanna at her most vulnerable. She is isolated and alone. She has given up. 

In the present day, Kanna has many hopeless moments like this since she has just lost her sister, the person she loved most. We can judge any of the game's characters by how well they treat her, the most vulnerable among them.

In Kanna's memory, there is a character who comes to speak with her at this time. A little boy who tries to joke with her and cheer her up. Kanna only remembers him as "Brat," but to the player, he looks an awful lot like a small Joe Tazuna! The following confrontation between Kanna, "Brat," and Kugie is my favorite part, because it leads to my favorite parallel.

BRAT: Hey! Whatcha doin'? / What's with the bucket?! Yer funny!

KANNA: ...sniff... sniffle...

BRAT: Huh? You cryin'?!

KANNA: ..........

BRAT: ...Alright. / *He lifts his shirt over his head.* How's that! Ehh?! Look at me! C'mon! Funny, right?

KANNA: ...uuuuu...

VOICE (KUGIE): What're you doing?!

BRAT: ...Huh...?

KUGIE: How dare you put a bucket on her head and tease her!! Beat it, you!!

BRAT: I-I wasn't teasin' her!

KUGIE: Liar!! Kanna's crying, isn't she?! D-Don't... be so cruel to my little sister!!

KANNA (narrating): ...That was the first time she called me "little sister"...

In the scene, "Brat" greets Kanna and tries to cheer her up by being a goofball. However, Kugie sees this and gets the wrong impression. She assumes that the boy is hurting Kanna and she rushes to her little sister's defense. As a result of Kugie's actions, Kanna finally sees Kugie's true loving heart.

This is, beat for beat, exactly what happens when Sou confronts Sara about Kugie's smartphone. Just like Kugie wrongly assumed that Joe was bullying Kanna, Sou wrongly assumes that Sara tampered with Kugie's smartphone to make it seem like Kugie hated Kanna. Even though Sou is wrong--Sara was trying to fix the smartphone, just like Sou was--this is the first moment that the player can see Sou's true heart. We learn that Sou's reasons for targeting Sara aren't due to him being some scheming mastermind; he's simply suspicious by nature and he makes rash judgments. He acts the way he does because he genuinely believes that Sara is dangerous. And for the first time, we see how deeply Sou cares about Kanna. We see him stand up to Sara to defend her. Then we see how he wrote a message full of love and hope on Kugie's phone. 

When Kanna finally receives the phone, she cries "tears of salvation" over Kugie's new message. But Kugie's words are really Sou's words. And by the time we reach Chapter 3, we learn that Kanna knew the truth the whole time.

(KANNA): Kanna was always with her big sister. / Because she loved her a lot… / But Kanna was always just a bother to her… / Even that time when it mattered most, she couldn't do anything. / So she thought she was hated… / But that message... made her remember. / That surely, her big sister was watching over her… / That she had to stay strong on her own… / But, well… / The truth is, she knew… / That it wasn't her sister who wrote that message… / *Kanna remembers Sou's face.* .... / ...There's people who tried to protect Kanna. / There's people who worked to encourage her. / So... she doesn't want anyone else to die. / Because... they're all such kind people...

In the game, Kanna shares these thoughts with the player in the aftermath of Sou's death. This is the scenario in which Sou gets to complete the same arc as Kugie. They both sacrifice themselves to save the little sister they love so much. I'm sure that Kugie would have been grateful for Sou's help in writing that message and saving Kanna's life.

I'll finish sharing the rest of Kanna's story about Kugie: 

KUGIE: ...You still crying?

KANNA: S-Sorry... sister...

KUGIE: ... / ...So you cry too, Kanna.

I think the wording of that last sentence in English is interesting. The obvious interpretation is that Kugie realizes that Kanna has been secretly crying and hiding her true self all this time. But on another level, I wonder if Kugie is admitting that she herself "cries too"? That would confirm Kugie's insecurity. And it would make this a moment in which Kugie sees herself in Kanna, just like it's implied that Sou sees his "weak self" in Kanna. In any case, this "unmasking" of Kanna's true heart is a good parallel for Sou's story as well. Kanna also hides her feelings like he does.

KANNA: ..........

KUGIE: .......... / Kanna... I'm sorry...

KANNA: ...Sister...

KUGIE: Mom and dad are worried, so let's get home quick, okay?

KANNA: O... Okay! Eheheh...

It is possible for Sou to apologize to Kanna in the prologue of Chapter 2, Part 2. His wording is more ominous than Kugie's, though he keeps Kugie's sentiment about returning home: "...Sorry. / Just relax. If you’re obedient, I’ll tell you how to survive."

Continuing with Kanna's story, the narrative shifts back to the present day.

KANNA: ...Ever since then, my sister and I got along really well.

SARA: I see...

KANNA: Without any blood relation... Kanna and her sister got along really... really well... / ..........

I love this line because it can apply to Sou as well, since he isn't blood-related to Kanna either. All of Kanna's protective siblings commit to her well-being by their own choice.

SARA: Kanna...

KANNA: Kanna... will definitely go home...! Because she needs to tell mom and dad...! / Determination... / A kind of determination... much too heavy for a girl her age to bear. / ...I should be going soon. Sou might wake up, after all... / Thank you very much... Sara.

Kanna ends her story with a determined speech to return home and honor Kugie's memory. As we read earlier, Kanna gives a similar determined speech in the aftermath of Sou's sacrifice. Later in Chapter 3, she further expresses a desire to honor Sou’s memory, saying “I want to know more about the man who sacrificed himself for me.” This is Kanna at her strongest! This is a Kanna who wants to live!

I mentioned earlier that I would come back to Kanna's feelings on the "competition" between Sou and Sara for her affections. Because Sara resembles Kugie physically, everyone believes that Kanna would choose Sara over Sou. Kanna even says that Sara is "the person she most wants to live." That is Kanna's emotional appeal to save Sara from being voted as a candidate. In the event that Kanna dies, Keiji rubs Kanna’s words in Sou's face at the beginning of Chapter 3, leaving Sou desolate.

But it's important to note that Kanna's choice was always to save both Sara and Sou. To say that she would abandon Sou discredits what actually happened. After Kanna makes an emotional appeal to save Sara's life, she shrewdly makes a logical appeal to save Sou's life. And when Sou tries to direct the votes to Kanna, thinking she has the Sacrifice card, Kanna easily thwarts his efforts by simply telling the truth. Kanna was the only character who chose to be honest about the Sacrifice Card, because she never intended to let anyone else die for her. 

Kanna's choice was to reject the “competition” outright. She doesn't even take it seriously. Her reasons for taking the Sacrifice card were twofold: to save Sara's life, and to save Sou's soul. It's never a real question for her which person she values more. She would have died for them both.

This matters because Sou doesn't parallel Kugie in such an obvious way like Sara does, but the parallel is still there. It's subtle enough that Sou can't even see it. He never feels confident in Kanna's affection, which is why he ordered her, "Kanna. / Don’t you betray me." He can't see what's right in front of him: that Kanna cares about him as though he were her own brother. 

In contrast, Sara feels self-conscious about the comparisons people draw between Kugie and herself. She always feels awkward about it. She is fully aware that Kugie was her own person, and Sara can only pretend to understand what she was like. I really like the way that the manga treated this issue. Although the manga cuts out many of the excellent character moments from the game, it adds more focus on Kugie.

Sara thinks to herself, "I don't know...how many regrets that person had..." which neatly foreshadows that Kugie would have regretted bullying Kanna. Speaking of regrets also reminds me of Sou, who--in the route where he dies--regrets not trusting everyone sooner.

I wanted to end this piece on a happy note, so I'll just say that I like to imagine that Sou and Kugie would have gotten along! Maybe they would even be able to see through each other's masks and help each other. They could work together to protect Kanna, and the Player could choose whether Sara joins them.