#As much as I’m worried for her and I hope she’s okay that was shitty. That was really damn shitty and I can’t see any other purpose than to

[saturdaymournings]

NEW USERNAME STEPCHILD????

Yeahhhh !! Not the best circumstances but I’m being brave and it feels fitting because it’s named after one of the wholesome little small joys of my life :) I also feel like it’s fitting to the energy I’m going for right now since trying to get rid of that constant feeling of underlying guilt in favour of like. Not feeling that lol. It’s been going pretty well I got my shit together most of the time :3

[pucked-bunnie]

wedding dates & unwelcome surprises ⎜j.hughes

pairings: jack hughes x reader genre: fluff warnings: mentions of shitty exes and family ⎜mild fighting?⎜sassy jack⎜ synopsis: it's the first time you're bringing your boyfriend home to meet your family, as a date to your sisters wedding - you didn't know your ex was going to be a plus one. word count: 3.3k authors note: this was requested...kinda. Anyway enjoy and requests are open. (unedited)

+

+

“Do you think they’ll like me?” Jacks question breaks the almost silence of the car, one hand sitting on the steering wheel, the other latched with yours on your lap. 

“Hmm?” You question, turning your eyes away from the passing trees to the man sitting besides you, his knuckles white as he grips the leather wheel. 

“Your family.” He explains, “Do you think they’ll like me?” He questions again, his words making you sputter as your mouth falls open. 

“Jack Hughes darling of the hockey world, every teenage fans wet dream, is worried that my family won’t like him?” You exclaim in confusion, a light smile on your face as he shakes his head, moving to pull his hand from yours. “No, I’m kidding.” You yelp, tightening your grip on his, settling your joined hand back in your lap, your other hand coming to cup over his.

“Jack, you’re letting them use your lake house for a rehearsal dinner and you paid for my sister's honeymoon - even if they didn’t like you they’re not gonna bite the hand that feeds them.” You begin, reaching one hand to sweep a loose strand of hair behind his ear, smiling at him softly when he glances your way. 

“They will love you, I’ve never seen my family so excited to meet someone before.” You can see some of the tension released from his shoulders as he nods, the car pulling into the ridiculously long driveway of the lake house, more than twenty cars already parked around the house. 

“I hope you’re ready for chaos, cause this is going to be like pulling teeth.” You mumble as he stops the car besides your mothers recognizable three door. You finally release his hand before unbuckling your seat belt, sliding out of the car with a long sigh, smoothing out the baby blue fabric of your sundress. 

Your sister had insisted on pastel attire to be worn over the weekend, her wedding had to give ‘spring fairy vibes’ is exactly what she had put into the email she sent out. Jack made his way around the front of the car, his hand immediately stretching out towards yours, making grabby motions towards you. 

You obliged him, reaching your hand forwards into his, your palms slipping against each other as your hands squeezed together. “Do I look okay?” He asks and you nod, Jack had been adamant about matching as much as possible this weekend, knowing it was something you enjoyed, a light blue linen shirt was tucked into his cream colour slacks, both of you in a pair of brand new white tennis shoes. 

“You look great, and they’re going to adore you.” You reassure him, taking in a big breath as you push open the front door to the lake house, the familiar interior putting the two of you a little more at ease. 

The two of you stroll into the large house keeping your eyes peeled for the bride and groom, hoping to say quick congratulations to them before being swept into conversation with the rest of your family. 

“Well look what the cat dragged in.” A voice says from the kitchen as the two of you enter the room, your sister standing at one of the charcuterie boards, her fiancee close by her side as they both send you large smiles. “You’re only thirty minutes late.” She grumbles, placing her plate on the bench before rushing forwards, her arms embracing you quickly. 

Jack releases your hand as you return your sister's embrace, “It’s good to see you.” You hum, hugging her tightly, the two of you releasing as you move over to hug your soon to be brother-in-law. 

“And you must be Jack.” You sister coos, standing back with one hand propped on her hip as she glances over your boyfriend. His eyes shoot to yours quickly before returning to your sister, his hands clenched by his side as he waits for her to say something. 

“Gracie, leave the poor boy alone.” Your brother in law says quickly, patting you on the shoulder as he shoots you an approving grin. 

“Oh who am I kidding, you are a savior, Jack.” You sister steps forwards wrapping her arms around Jack in a friendly hug, squeezing him once more before releasing him and returning to her partner's side. 

“I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for the two of us.” Jack tries to wave off the thanks with a shake of his hand. 

“Please don’t thank me- it was your sister's idea, I just coughed up the money.” Jack jokes, before quickly adding, “It’s really not a big deal, I hope the two of you enjoy the trip.” Your sister glances between you and Jack with a smile before a gasp escapes her, your eyes catching on a familiar face in the backyard of your boyfriend's lake house, a short blonde attached to his side. 

“So there was a bit of a hiccup with the invitations.” Your sister begins and you feel your stomach drop. “We sent Jess an invitation and forgot to remove the plus one option. We were honestly hoping she just wouldn’t respond and we could avoid the whole thing.” Your sister twirls her engagement ring nervously around her finger as she follows your gaze.  

“We didn’t even know they were still together.” You brother in law adds quickly, his gaze dropping to the ground quickly as you glare over at him.  Jack watches the encounter in confusion, his gaze following yours as he glances over at the man standing talking with who he recognises to be your mother. “I’m really sorry.” Your sister adds, your head shaking quickly. 

“Don’t worry about it, it’s not like they almost ruined my life or anything.” Your sister grimaces at your words, her mouth opening to say something, falling closed as Jack shakes his head quickly

“Why don’t we meet the two of you guys outside, I’m really digging the spread you’ve got out.” He says quickly, giving your sister an easy out, the soon to be married couple rushing out of the kitchen as Jack pulls you over to the fruit platter. He silently grabs you a plate placing your favourite on the light pink plastic.

“I’m waiting for you to explain what was going on inside of your pretty little head.” He says with a clearing of his throat, turning to lean against the counter as you lean against the marble, glaring at the fridge in front of you. 

“Jess is my cousin.” You begin, jack nodding intently, popping a grape into his mouth, “She fucked my boyfriend three years ago, right before we met actually. Josh and I lived together at the time, apparently they had been having an affair for months before he broke it off with me.” You take in a deep breath as you add, “I only found out when I got home to all my shit packed in bags and her shoving their engagement ring in my face.” Jack chokes at you’re bland delivery of the biggest betrayal he had ever heard in his life. 

He smacks against his chest a few times, trying to swallow down the remainders of the fruit stuck in his throat. “What the fuck.” He exclaims as soon as his throat is cleared. 

“Trust me that’s not even the worst part.” You laugh humourlessly, dropping your gaze to the floor. “After he had put all my belongings into garbage bags and as he was evicting me from my own apartment he shared some hard truths with me.” Jack nodded slowly, his heart dropping as he waits for you to finish. “He said he could only ever be with me when he had a few.” 

Jack paused before asking, “you’re fucking with me, right?” 

You shake your head, a bitter laugh bubbling from your chest, quickly adding “he even said he loved Jess more than me because she was smaller because she made him feel more masculine.” Jack watches you cautiously as you let out a shaky breath, turning your face up towards him with a sad smile. 

“I had to live with a friend for weeks cause I had nowhere else to go, she helped me find my apartment in the city, and then I met you so it wasn’t all bad.” You say taking a big bite of a strawberry Jack hands you. 

“I understand why you’re so upset.” Jack responds and you shake your head, placing the scrap of your strawberry on the plastic plate. 

“It’s not like I have feelings for him or anything and I couldn’t care less about her but sometimes it’s nice to have a little warning before you go face to face with two assholes who hurt you.” You explain and Jack nods, reaching out to smooth two hands up and down your arms. 

“You really dated a guy called Josh?” He questions, a shit eating grin spreading across his face, “That’s like the douche-ist name out there.” He adds and you let out a sarcastic chuckle, grabbing a grape off his plate and lobbing it at his face. 

“That’s a lot coming from a dude called Jack.” You roll your eyes as his smile grows, his finger pointing at you in approval. 

“Touché.” He says quickly, his hand lacing with yours again, his lips pressing a soft kiss against your hair as he whispers, “Let’s go pull some teeth out.” 

+

+

“So Jack you’re an athlete?” You seventy year old aunty asks as she leans forwards in her seat he hand placed gently on Jack’s arm, her eyes moving over him in a frenzy. Jack had been more than patient throughout the afternoon. 

After another very warm welcome from your mother, the two of you mingled with the rest of your family, many of them curious about Jack’s career choice. “Aunt Shel, we’re just going to go grab some refreshments, would you like anything?” You question as you stand from the table, reaching down to lightly pull Jack’s arm from her grip, her head shaking in answer to your question as she moves her attention to someone else further down the table. 

“Thank you.” Jack groans as he lets you drag him over to the drink table, his arms wrapping around your waist as he hovers behind you, watching as you pour two cups of lemonade. His head resting on your shoulder as you sip from your cup, his gaze shooting to your right as your body tenses, a high whine of a laugh sounding besides the two of you. 

“Oh my, babe look who’s here.” Jack watches as your head turns slowly, a fake bitter grin on your face as you turn the rest of the way to greet the short blonde. 

“Jess… I didn’t know you’d be here.” Your voice is close to a hiss. Jack’s eyebrows raise in surprise as he watches the once over you give the smaller girl, turning to the man that steps up to her side, your name falling out of his mouth as glances over you and the man whose arms are still wrapped around you. 

“Well when we got the invite in the mail I was just so excited, I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.” Jack covers a laugh as he watches your cousin reach out to pat your arm, your body tilting so you remain just out of reach. “And Josh was saying how much he missed spending time with our family.” Jack winces as Jess uses the word ‘our’ his gaze finally flickering over to the man standing besides your cousin. 

Josh was a pretty average looking guy for the most part, he and Jack were around the same height, Josh having a close shaved buzz cut to contrast to Jack's quickly growing hair. Jack listens half heartedly to Jess’s rambling, his gaze settled on Josh, the man shifting from foot to foot under the scrutiny of your boyfriend's glare. 

“Oh, and I don’t think we’ve been introduced yet.” Jess finally turns her attention to the man standing behind you, his gaze shifting slowly from your ex to your flirtatious cousin. 

“Oh, I don’t think introductions are needed.” Jack's voice is sharp as he frowns down at the woman, your gaze turning up at him in surprise, his arms moving from around your waist to stand fully beside you, his hand sliding down your arm, his fingers tangling with yours. “I’ve heard more than my share about you.” He says motioning with your joined hands to Jess before adding, “Both of you.” 

“Oh all good things I hope.” Jess giggles leaning into the man besides her, his face set in a frown as he shakes her off, glancing back at you. 

“Not even close.” Jack responds. 

The silence is thick and Jess’s eyebrows furrow trying to understand what Jack is saying, Josh’s frown deepens as he understands right away. 

“Well on that note, I think we have some more mingling to do, please excuse us.” You interrupt, tugging on Jack's hand as you begin to walk back towards the house. 

“Actually…” You hear Josh call out from behind you, your steps pausing as you wait to hear what he’ll say, “I was hoping we might be able to have a little talk?” 

“Bunny, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” Jack whispers in your ear, lifting your hand to press gentle kisses to your knuckles. 

“I know.” You whisper back softly, before turning back around to face your ex. “What do you need to say?” You ask and he looks between his fiancé and you with wide eyes. 

“Perhaps we can talk in private?” He asks and you shake your head. “At least can we leave the group?” Josh asks and you look around at the large amount of your family, gathered around the incredibly long table in the center of the backyard. 

“Fine.” You agree, pointing to a tree a few meters away from the group. He nods, beginning to mumble something to the blonde besides him who bounces off happily to the rest of the family, you turn to Jack who just nods silently, his face serious as he glances over to your ex. 

“I’ll be right here if you need anything.” He grumbles, pressing a kiss to your hairline before releasing  your hand, watching as you stomp over to the tree where your ex is already waiting. You glance over your shoulder once more at Jack, his reassuring smile giving you a hit of confidence. 

“Let’s get this over with.” You snarl as you lean one shoulder against the tree, looking Josh up and down with disdain. 

“You seem happy with him.” Josh says quietly, your frown deepening as you wait for him to get to the point. “I doubt he knows you like I do though.” Your lips pull tight as you grimace, watching as Josh’s body relaxes a little, joining you in leaning against the tree, a little too close. 

“No he doesn’t” You speak, adding “He knows me better, and frankly the person you think you know isn’t me anymore.” You take in a deep breath as you push off the tree. “Why are you even here, Josh? Jess is a ditz so I can understand why she wouldn’t have considered the possibility of not coming but you are unfortunately smarter than that. So why did you come?” 

“I came to apologise. I feel horrible—” 

“Wrong, try again.” You interrupt, your arms crossing against your chest. “You know what, I actually don’t care.” You laugh, looking over the man once more before taking a step back, “Despite the way you hurt me, I’m happier now then I could’ve imagined and you should be too. I mean you’re getting married to the girl you thought was better then everything I could give you so I’m going to go and be happy with someone who is better then everything you gave me.” 

You turn to make your way back to the party, your eyes locking with Jacks as a large hand grips your wrist pulling you back towards him, Josh’s hands on your shoulders turning you around to face him. “I didn’t say we were done here.” 

“We are definitely done here, get your grubby hand off me.” You hiss back, your body trying to pull from his grip, his hand tightening on your shoulders. 

“I told you I’m not done.” Josh growls again, your hands finally managing to free yourself from his grip, your body stepping back as he reaches for you again. 

“This was done a long time ago, buddy.” Your body jumps as Jack's hands land on your waist, pulling you behind him as he steps up towards your ex. Josh looks over Jack's shoulder trying to gain your attention once more, your boyfriend rolling his eyes, his hands raising to shove against Josh’s chest. 

“Doesn’t feel so good when it’s happening to you, does it?” Jack grumbles as he shoves at Josh again, your hand reaching out to grab hold of his shirt, tugging on it softly. 

“Jack let it go.” You whisper, tugging again to pull him back to you. “Jack, seriously it’s fine.” 

“No, it’s not fine.” Jack says, his voice firm as he turns towards you, “It’s not fine that you have to suffer through looking at his stupid face while he prances around a wedding dinner he wasn’t even directly invited to. It’s not fine that he thinks he can be a dick and get away with it. And it’s definitely not fine that he thinks he can put his hands on someone.” Jack is breathing heavily, his frustrations evident on his face as your family slowly makes their way over to your small group, wondering what the yelling is about. 

“I’m okay.” You whisper, reaching out to touch his cheek lightly, your thumb rubbing against the soft skin, as his breathing settles, his hand coming up to cup over yours. 

“Jack’s right.” Your sister says quickly, “You need to leave.” She directs her comment with a glare at your ex, your family glaring at the man standing on his own besides the tree. 

“No, Gracie you can’t do that, how am I meant to get home?” Jess questions pushing out of the group to stand besides her fiancee, the ring on her finger glinting in the sun. 

“You can both go.” You sister says before adding, “neither of you are welcome at the wedding tomorrow and frankly I’ll be surprised if you get invited to any family events in the future.” You step closer to Jack, his arm bushing yours as you watch your brother in law step up besides your sister, insisting that they leave immediately.

“We’re gonna go too.” You say quietly to your sister as she turns away from the unwelcome couple, the two of them arguing as they trudge back to the house. “I think we both need a little recharge before the party tomorrow.” You continue, giving your sister a tight hug. She nods, making you promise to be at the hotel at seven in the morning on the dot to help her get ready. 

You bid quick farewells to the rest of your family, your mum squeezing Jack extra tight, making him promise to return for every family get together. 

“I felt quite masculine back there if I do say so myself.” Jack teases as you walk to the car, your hands twined together swinging between the two of you. 

“Don’t even start with that.” 

“Are you really okay?” He asks as you both get into the car, his eyes searching your face as you let out a gentle grin. 

“More than okay, my macho man boyfriend stood up for me.” You respond, Jack letting out a groan at your choice in words. “Maybe I should change your name on my phone.” You tease Jack, snatching the device from your hands as you pull it from your bag. 

“Please no.” He whines, tucking the phone under his leg as he starts the car. 

“It was kinda hot seeing you get all macho like that.” 

“Dear god, this is going to be a long drive.”

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

The Better Man

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.1k

Warnings: fluff, minor angst

Summary: You're a single mom who hates bringing men into your life only to have them leave. Your daughter deserves better than that. You're currently dating Spencer, and you're wondering if it's the right time to bring him into her life. Will it be worth it?

Square Filled: “you want? you want? you want? what about what I want?” for @anyfandomgoesbingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

I can do this. I’m more than capable of getting breakfast ready for both me and my daughter. Even if she is screaming her head off. Oh, please be quiet. Please make it stop.

“Gemma, please stop crying. I am getting your food.” She continues to cry. “Baby, please. I’m working as hard as I can right now.”

If anyone were to look in your kitchen window, they would see a woman who is just trying to feed her child while looking like a raccoon with messy bedhead hair. The bags under your eyes don’t help your case, either, but you haven’t gotten much sleep this past week. Gemma has been sick and has been keeping you up at all hours of the night.

Sometimes you feel like a shitty mom because it seems like whatever you do isn’t enough. Being a single mom is hard. No one told you how to do this. No one gave you a rule book and said, “Here you go! Study for the final exam!” where the final exam is actually having a kid. You’re doing the best you can do even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Before you can start crying because Gemma is crying, you plate some bananas, cereal, and small strawberries on a plate for her. She immediately stops crying when the food is in front of her, and she digs in. You chuckle tiredly and kiss the top of her head. She is getting so old. It seems like yesterday you birthed her when really, it’s been eight months.

Your phone rings and you light up at seeing Spencer’s name.

“Hey,” you answer.

“Hey. I’m off this weekend if you want to hang out.”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to get a sitter,” you sigh. “I’m pretty low on money right now.”

“That’s fine. I don’t mind if you bring her along. I understand if you don’t want to, but I’m really great with kids. I’d love it if she came along.”

You and Spencer have been seeing each other for a few months but he hasn’t met your daughter yet. You don’t want to introduce her to someone new if they’re not going to be in your life for very long. You really like Spencer and you hope he’s going to be in your life for a long time. He’s been very patient when it comes to your daughter, and maybe it’s time they meet.

“Why don’t you come over? I’d feel more comfortable having a date here.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I think it’s time you meet Gemma.”

“Okay, yeah! I’ll bring some food over and we can cook together.”

“That’d be amazing,” you smile.

“I gotta go. I’ll see you Friday.”

“Okay. Bye.” You hang up with a huge smile on your face. “You hear that, Gemma? You get to meet Spencer. He’s a sweetheart. You’ll love him.”

She squeals in response but it’s mostly because she wants more bananas. You’re not worried that she will love him, it’s if Spencer will love her. You can’t think about that. You have work to get to. The call center you work at has a daycare attached to it for parents who can’t get someone to watch their kids, so every day is Bring Your Daughter To Work Day.

The weekend comes faster than you expected but that means Spencer gets to come over. He might even spend the night if all goes well. When Spencer comes over, he is nothing but sweet towards Gemma. She is playing in her playpen but as soon as Spencer walks in, she squeals and crawls over to him.

“Spencer, this is Gemma. Baby, this is Spencer.” Spencer grins and picks her up once she gets to him. “I’ve been trying to get her to walk lately. She turns eight months next week.”

“Hi, Gemma. Do you want to walk for Mama? Yeah, I can see it. You’ll get there,” he chuckles.

Spencer brings in the groceries he bought so you two can cook lunch while Gemma plays and watches Spongebob. While you don’t know how to be a single mom, and learning every day to be better, you’d rather do this than be with the ex who knocked you up. He left you when you were pregnant so it’s just been you and Gemma for a long time now. It’s hard to let men in your life, especially with a kid so young, but Spencer has been nothing but a complete gentleman to you. He takes things at your pace, never does anything to make you uncomfortable, and always puts you and Gemma first.

Dinner is spent talking about your week and the plans you have this weekend and afterward, Spencer goes to the living room to play with Gemma some more. He’s really warming up to her. Maybe this is going to be a good thing. Your phone rings and your blood runs cold when you see who is calling you. You excuse yourself and step off to the side while Spencer tosses Gemma in the air a few inches only to catch her. Her laughter makes this night all the better.

“What do you want?” you ask when you answer the phone.

“Hey, you got any money to spot me? I’m in a bit of a pickle,” your ex asks.

“Are you kidding me right now? You call me up after how many months only to ask for money?”

“Can you do it or not?”

“Fuck no,” you hiss on the phone. “This might be in your grand plan, but I want you to actually start acting like a dad and be there for Gemma. You know, the daughter you have?”

“You want? You want? You want? What about what I want?”

“You’re a piece of shit.”

“Fuck this. I can’t believe calling you was ever a good idea.”

He hangs up after those harsh words, and you try your hardest not to cry. He’s fucking lucky you’re not going after him for child support, but maybe you should.

“Y/N! Look!” You look at Spencer and Gemma to see her walking toward him on wobbly legs. “She’s walking!”

“Gemma!” you gasp and rush over. “You’re walking, baby!”

Before she can fall to the ground, Spencer scoops her in his arms and kisses her cheeks. She has no idea what is going on but she loves the attention. Spencer looks like he doesn’t want to be anywhere but here. Seeing him with Gemma today has only made you realize that he’s the only man you ever want in Gemma’s life.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[lovelettersfromluna]

⋆ ★ Once again, for the first time ⋆ ★

{Ellie Williams x Reader}

Summary: Being in love with your best friend has got to be one of the most emotionally exhausting things someone can experience, so it’s time you put your foot down and moved on….at least, try to move on

an: God it almost feels wrong to just come back after so long without a continuing chapter to what I’ve been working on, pls don’t be mad at me 😵‍💫. I’ve been really busy you guys! I just got home yesterday and while I know you’ve all be asking for other things, I just haven’t been feeling super inspired to continue them RIGHT NOW, and I feel that’s why I’ve been MIA for so long. While I say I’m not inspired to continue them right now, that doesn’t mean I’m abandoning them! I will be coming back to them don’t worry! For now, I hope this little angsty fic is enough for you all, and I hope you’ve stuck around to read it, and if you haven’t, that’s okay too. Anyways, I’ve missed you all so much, and I hope you like this one 🖤🖤🖤.

Warnings: ANGST!!! Eventual smut in future chapters, Ellie is an oblivious idiot, Quiet!reader, momentary alternative love interest (it’s just for the story I promise 😉), jealous!Ellie, possessive!Ellie, Please let me know if I missed anything!

Part 2 can be read, here!

The warm glow of your tv screen became blurry with each passing second. You could barely make out the erratic movements of the video game characters beating each other to a pulp as Ellie’s fingers tapped away at the buttons on the game controller, soft huffs leaving here lips ever so often. “Fucking dick..” She mumbled under her breath, eyebrows knit in deep concentration, eyes almost growing watery from her lack of blinking.

You on the other hand, you were nearly fast asleep. Cuddled into your sofa, resting your head against a pillow that was propped up against the arm of the couch, a plush blanket draped over your body as you watched your best friend control a scantily clad character to violently fight the opposite person.

This was tradition for you and Ellie. She’d come over, you would force her to study with you because she was often too stubborn to do it without you, you’d order shitty take out, watch her play video games, and then you’d fall asleep. It always ended with her dragging you to your bedroom, staying with you for a bit before she left, and then in the morning, she’d be waiting for you outside your apartment to go to school together.

And that was life, life with your best friend that is. It had been that way since you were practically babies, your routines changing and adapting to whatever phase of life you were both in within that moment, but it was always more or less the same. And you couldn’t complain, you wouldn’t change it for the world.

Not even if you were given the chance to have her as something more.

Ellie had always been a charmer, and unfortunately, the extent of her charming demeanor had made its way to you. It was something you noticed early on, as soon as you were able to decipher feelings of love, you were able to link those with Ellie. When people would explain love to you, or you’d see it in others, you thought of Ellie. You realized quickly after that though, that Ellie was your best friend, and feelings would greatly complicate the long history that you two had together.

And so, you swallowed them down.

It wasn’t like it was painful or anything. Sure, seeing Ellie with other girls wasn’t great, but you coped. Life went on, and you promised yourself you’d never let your feelings get in the way of Ellie’s life, your life, or your friendship.

“Man…I’d let Mileena rip my head off any day…” Ellie sighed out, the girl never a stranger to gawking at the make believe video game characters in her favorite games. You let out a sleepy hum, giving her a nod as you cuddled further into the couch, not fully able to comprehend your friends words due to your sleepy state.

The sounds you made caught Ellie’s attention, causing her to sit forward a bit so she could catch a glimpse of your nearly sleeping face. She chuckled softly, shaking her head a bit as she reached forward for the controller, turning off the console followed by the tv before she stood up, taking your hand in hers and pulling you slightly.

“You have the energy of a seventy year old woman…come on, let’s get you to bed grandma” she teased, and it only causes you to whine softly. The couch is so comfortable, and you’re more than happy with sleeping there for the night just so you didn’t have to move and lose the blissful drowsy feeling that came with the sounds of Ellie playing Mortal Kombat lulling you to sleep.

“I’m fine here…” You tried, knowing that she wouldn’t settle for you sleeping there on the couch all night. And she didn’t need to be told twice, she let out a soft hum, one that almost sounded like she’d leave you there, but suddenly you’re being lifted off of the couch, into Ellie’s strong chest, even stronger arms wrapping around your body, which once again caused you to whine.

No matter how tired you were, how close to sleep, you can’t ignore the burning fire in your chest when she holds you like this. Even though being Ellie’s friend was the furthest thing from painful, it was times like this that it got a little too hard. Ellie was always a very affectionate person, especially with people she was close to, and you happened to be at the top on that list.

So, when she’d do things like this, pull you up into her arms and carry you to bed, or slip her arms around your waist and spoon you from behind when you were watching movies together, or when she’d pull you close to her when you were in a crowded room, it was easy to imagine how things would be if it were different, if you were able to have her in the way you wanted.

Only for a moment though.

Ellie hummed softly as she gently rested you on your bed, making sure to pull your socks off because she knew you’d kick them off in your sleep anyways, and pull the blanket, not the duvet, over your body because it was how you preferred to sleep. She knew exactly what to do with you, and it always made your heart tug.

She smiled softly down at you, watching as your heavy eyes grew even heavier once your head hit your soft pillows. She gave your elbow a gentle nudge before she turned off the lights in your room, closed the door, and left your apartment.

And even though you were already falling asleep, you couldn’t ignore the urge you had to ask her to stay. The urge you always had to ask her to stay with you.

You let out a soft yawn, rubbing your eyes a bit before you began writing down in your notebook again. Your headphones played soft music into your ears, the blessing of a noise cancelling headset always making it easy to study in your college library, for a moment, pretending as if you were the only one there.

Until Ellie showed up.

She gently pulled one side of your headset up, her lips close to your ear as she approached you. “Hey stranger” she giggled softly, causing you to whine as you pulled the headset down to rest against your neck. You gave your friend a soft smile as you set your pen down, watching as she promptly took the seat next to you and tossed her bag onto the table.

“Hey yourself…came all the way to the library to see me?” You teased her, propping your elbows onto the table and resting your head against your hands as you watched her slump down into her chair, oversized hoodie hanging on her broad shoulders, light washed denim jeans hanging loose on her hips, short hair lazily tugged up into her signature half up half down ponytail, pretty strands falling down and framing her face perfectly.

God she was a fucking dream.

Ellie groaned softly, her head falling back as she blew air past her lips, staring up at the ceiling of the library. “I have time between classes…so I came to bother my favorite little scholar” She hummed out, giving you a lazy grin as she turned her head back towards you, causing you to roll your eyes at her words.

“You know, you could use this time to study” you try, narrowing your eyes at her playfully, which causes her to roll her eyes right back at you. “Ahhh, please. You’re probably the only one here that actually does that shit” she hummed out, which causes you to shrug, closing your books and stacking them upon one another. “True, but I have the grades to show for it” you nod to herself before you push your things to the side, turning back to your friend and giving her your attention.

“So? What’s happening. You look like you’re just itching to tell me something” you smirked softly, knowing your friend all too well. Whenever became fidgety, or absolutely needed to find you, there was something on her mind.

Ellie smirked softly, staring down at her ring clad fingers before she let out a soft hum, purposefully keeping you waiting with anticipation before she began speaking.

“Do you think Sofia is into girls?”

For a moment, the twinkle in your eye, and the soft smile on your lips as you watch your best friend drops completely. You’re glad she isn’t looking, because you’re sure anyone would be able to see the visible disappointment written on your face as soon as she says it. You only let it fall for a moment though, because you’re immediately collecting yourself, picking yourself up off the ground and giving your friend a soft, reassuring nod.

“Has being straight ever stopped a girl from being into you Ellie?” You tease her, recalling the frequent times girls claimed they were straight, yet somehow always ended up chasing after Ellie after they’ve had one too many drinks.

Ellie groans softly, shaking her head as she sits forward a bit. “No man…I don’t wanna just hook up with her..or..or be her fantasy or something. I wanna…ask her out or something” she mumbled out, cheeks burning red as she toyed with the shiny rings on her fingers. You blink a few times, trying to find the right words to encourage your friend to do it, to pursue whoever it was that she wanted.

No matter how much the words tasted bitter on your tongue.

“Well…ask her, or you can ask around? A close friend of hers would definitely know if she was interested in girls or not” you tried again, watching as your friend frowned in concentration, eyebrows furrowed, green eyes narrowed.

Whoever this girl was, Ellie was doing her head in over her….

It almost bothered you that this was your first time hearing about her.

“You think? I’ve just…I’ve had my eye on her for a while and I think I’m ready to finally make a move, you know?” She sighed out, and you nod slowly, giving her a soft smile paired with a reassuring nod.

“Then go for it, Els. The worst she can say is no, and even then, there are plenty of other fish in the sea” you assure her. Because it’s true, Ellie never stayed single for long. There were always girls interested in her, or her them, and it wasn’t long until she was introducing you to a new, pretty girl that she’d have on her arm for the next however many months.

She smiled softly as she nodded, your words clearly getting through to her, as they always did. She gives a determined nod, moving to stand up from the chair she was sat at. “You’re damn right there is…hey, I’m gonna try to find someone to talk to, but I’ll catch you later, yeah?” She nods, slinging her bag over one of her shoulders, already walking away from the table as her eyes never left yours.

You give her a soft nod, eyes lingering on her form as you let out a low hum. “Always” you confirm, knowing that it was true. You’d always be there when Ellie needed you.

She beamed back at you, giving you a nod. You could practically see the excitement shining off of her body, seeping through her pores. “And I’ll catch you this weekend! Your place!” She shouted, causing your eyes to widen at her volume, the other students instantly shushing her. You give her a quick nod, your hands fanning away as you shoo her out of the library, a soft giggle leaving your lips.

You ignore the little cracks in your heart, because the smile on her face makes up for it. You know it’ll pass, you know this is merely a phase of your life that you’ll look back on and laugh at once you’ve found the person that was right for you, one that filled up the little holes that Ellie left in your heart.

And oh how you couldn’t wait for that day to come.

You don’t see Ellie that following weekend.

In fact, the last time you actually saw her was that day in the library, with the few times you saw her in and out of classes that the two of you shared.

Ellie ended up talking to Sofia that same day, and it turns out she was interested in girls. From the texts that she sent you that night, she was raving about the day that they had set up after hours of talking out in the courtyard. She tells you she’s sorry, that she can’t make it out to your place for your routine weekend together, and you tell her it’s fine, to have fun and tell you all about the date the next morning.

And suddenly, you can’t remember the last time you spent more than five minutes with your best friend.

You text here and there, and she catches you outside of class when you happen to make it there at the same time sometimes, but you don’t really have lunch together anymore like you always do, you don’t sit outside in the courtyard to kill time between classes together, she doesn’t visit you in the library, all of those things just suddenly stop.

And then she tells you, she’s dating Sofia.

She tells you they made it official after the first four dates, and at first you feel it’s a bit fast, but you realize they spend all of the time that you and Ellie used to spend together, with each other instead, and it suddenly makes sense. Ellie had a girlfriend now, and it was the explanation for the sudden lack of her presence, the absence of your best friend on weekends. While you stared at your tv screen alone, she was with Sofia.

And you were happy for her, of course you were happy, why wouldn’t you be? She was your best friend and she had gotten the girl she wanted for so long, just as you expected she would…

But the happiness you felt for her lived alongside the sadness that you felt. The two emotions becoming tenants in the home that was your heart, sitting across one another, glaring at each other as they battled for control of you, controlling how you dealt with the situation, how you coped with the sudden disappearance of your best friend.

So, you didn’t give either one control, you ignored them both after a while, and you simply carried on as if nothing had ever happened.

Ellie really was the only person you occupied any free time with, opting to be with her rather than anyone else, because it felt good. You liked it when it was just you and Ellie, it was easy, and it was easy to not overthink things and simply be, rather than worry about how you were behaving.

So without her, you simply did all the things you did with her, just on your own.

Ellie tried to make time for you, while juggling the escapades that come with the early stages of a relationship, you couldn’t take that away from her, but you saw how hard it was. You didn’t want her to feel bad, or feel like she was neglecting you, or her friendship, even if she sort of was. You convinced her it was fine, that she deserved to enjoy her new relationship, and that it needed more attention than your friendship ever would, not right now at least.

And Sofia was great. She was beautiful, and kind, and sweet, and after meeting her a few times, you considered her to be somewhat of a big sister figure. Seeing her made it clear to understand just why Ellie was so keen on taking her off the market as soon as she could.

But that seemed to make it even harder to deal with.

It was on days like this one where it hit you a bit harder, Ellie’s absence. You didn’t mind being alone, but walking to and from classes without her constant banter and jokes definitely wasn’t the best, and heading out to the cafes for lunch was far too quiet on your own, but, you prevailed.

You were making your way out of your third and last class for the day, a soft sigh leaving your lips as you adjusted your bag on your shoulder. The week was finally closing in, and you couldn’t be happier. You yearned for the warmth of your home, your cozy little bed, your favorite mug filled with your favorite hot chocolate, it called to you as you pushed past the large doors of your college building, making your way out to the brisk outdoors of your campus.

The sound of quickening footsteps behind you was almost drowned out as you took your headphones from behind your neck, and began setting them onto your head. A hand suddenly pulled them down, forcing them back around your neck, which caused your eyebrows to furrow as you turned around to see who in their right mind would try to fuck with a girl and her music.

You almost passed out when you were met face to face with your best friend.

Seeing her made you realize just how long it had been since you saw her. You tried convincing herself it had only been a few weeks, but you found it hard to remember the last time you were staring up into those big green eyes, and not imagining them instead.

Your frown was quickly replaced with a soft smile, adjusting your bag on your shoulder as you stared up at Ellie. “Ellie…god…I was ready to start throwing punches” you joked, pulling your headset from around your neck and pushing them down into your beg before you looked back up at her.

Ellie chuckled softly, watching as you went about putting your things away. Her smile was so bright, eyes twinkling, cheeks red, all signs that pointed towards the same thing.

Ellie Williams was properly smitten.

“I’ve been looking for you, dork…you’re always hiding these days” she groaned out, which caused you to hum softly, giving her a slight shrug. “Been busy studying Els…I’m sorry” you tried, giving her a half smile.

Knowing that your studying was not the cause of the divide in your friendship, and neither was it you hiding.

She pouted softly, stepping forward so that you two could walk together. “I miss you…” She hummed out, staring down at the Nikes on her feet, nearly swallowed up by her baggy jeans. Her words make your heart tug as you stare up towards the large trees, swaying with the autumn wind, sun peeking in between the thick foliage of the leaves.

“How are you And Sof? Things going well?” You questioned, opting to ignore the way you heart beat faster when she said she missed you. You were also genuinely curious, you wanted to hear more about Ellie’s relationship, you wanted her to confide in you and trust you as anyone else would trust their best friend with their relationship.

Ellie instantly smiled bashfully at the mention of the girl, a soft hum leaving her lips as she nodded. “Fuck…she’s amazing, man. She’s like a fucking dream, I swear, I’m honestly not sure what I’ve done to deserve her” she sighed out, voice sounding so dreamy and love sick, you can’t help but smile.

“You like her…don’t you? I mean…you’re my best friend, your approval is one that’s pretty fucking important to me” she chuckled out as she looked over at you, head dipping down a bit to try and her a glimpse of your down casted face, her hands shoved into her pocket.

Her words make you hum, and you’re giving her a soft smile as you look up at her. Her expression is written with one that is concerned, concerned that you approve of her relationship, that you think she’s making the right move with Sofia.

And you know in that moment, you have the power to break it all. You have the power to rip things to shreds, just by telling Ellie you think Sofia isn’t the right girl for her, because you know she’ll listen to you. You know she’ll take your feelings into consideration, because she trusts you.

“I think she’s perfect for you, Ellie” you breath out, giving her a reassuring smile.

Because just as much as you know you have the power to be horrible, and rip everything away from them both, Ellie doesn’t deserve that, and neither does Sofia. They don’t deserve to hurt for the sake of your feelings, at the expense of what you feel for Ellie.

And the smile you see your best friend shoot your way makes it all worth it, because it’s like she’s been waiting for those words to leave your lips to go all the way, to give herself to Sofia completely and give into her as she wanted to this entire time.

“Fuck…you don’t know how happy that makes me” she sighs out, looking up towards the sky and letting her eyes flutter shut as she takes a deep inhale, and you know she’s truly happy.

And that makes you happy.

“Hey, are you busy next weekend? There’s a party Sof and I are going to, you should come with us” she says as she looks down towards you. You know it’s a bad idea, because it means you’ll third wheel the entire night, tucked away in a corner to avoid watching them make out all night long until it’s time to go home, where you’ll be just as miserable there as you are in your house.

But you know Ellie won’t take no for an answer.

You let out a soft sigh before you give her a nod, paired with a half smile, and she’s already cheering loudly, causing people around you to stare, and you groan softly as you give her a gentle shove, urging her to stop.

“I’ll text you the details! Sof and I will pick you up” she confirmed, and you give her a soft giggle before you nod. “Get out of here…I’ll see you then” you promise, and she’s smiling brightly as she begins walking away.

And despite the fact that it’s the first time you’ve talked to her in far too long, and it was mainly about her girlfriend, you can’t ignore the way your heart ignites for that small interaction on its own, and the excitement you feel knowing you have plans with her in the near future.

It’ll be fine, you remind yourself. It always has been, and it always will be. And with that, you made your way home.

The following week, is when you met Alex.

You were making your way to your first class of the day, the early morning sun shining down on you, giving you only a bit of warmth from the brisk air that swirled around you and the other students scattered about within the large courtyard that served as a main point sprouting out to all other campus buildings.

Your eyes were trained on your feet, a habit you had that had caused you to run into many people, many times. It was an easy way for you to stay deep in thought, focusing on the way your shoes sounded hitting the pavement with each steps, watching as they crunched against leaves.

“Excuse me?” A soft voice broke you away from your locked gaze on your feet, your eyes blinking a few times as you looked up to figure out who it was that was trying to get your attention.

When you laid eyes on the person looking at you, you nearly passed out.

It was a girl, she was tall, with pretty eyes and a charming smile. Her jacket hung loosely on her shoulders, bag draped over one of her arms, a paper in one of her hands. Her features were strong, yet soft at the same time, mixing together both masculine and feminine and almost making your mind go completely blank as her beautiful eyes stared into yours.

“Um…could you help me? It’s my first day and I’m sort of lost” she chuckled out bashfully, her hand reaching up to run through her hair as she tried handing you the paper in her hand. You simply blinked a few times, watching the girl almost in awe as she stared down at you, before you realized you were in fact gawking at this woman.

You cleared your throat, giving her a quick nod before you giggled. “Yes! Yea…sorry..I…can I?” You question as you gestured towards the paper, which caused her to chuckle softly and nod as she handed it to you.

Your eyes scanned over the paper, furrowing a bit in concentration before you zeroed in on the first class she has in her schedule, and it made you smile.

“Oh, that’s where I’m going! You must be the new transfer student the professor was talking about” you explain, your heart beating a bit faster as you come to the conclusion that not only is this insanely hot girl speaking to you, but she’s also in your first class of the day.

She smiles brightly, pearly white teeth flashing your way as she raises her eyebrows. “No way…would you mind if I walked with you then?” She hums out, eyeing you carefully before you look up at her from the paper, giving her a shy smile as you nod. “I wouldn’t mind at all…come on”

You learn that her name is Alex, and that she was supposed to start the semester with everyone else, but there were issues with her documents so she had to transfer instead. The entire way to class, you take your time together, strolling along the pathways and hallways of your school, getting to know one another. You realize that although it’s your first conversation with her, you feel as comfortable with her as you do with…

As you do with Ellie.

When you realize that, you realize that you’d gone the longest without thinking about Ellie than you had in a long time. Alex takes her off your mind completely, because she’s pretty, and her smile makes you swoon, and being with her feels comfortable.

And you reckon you could get used to it.

When you both finally reach your classroom, there are students scattered about, waiting for the professor to arrive and for the lecture to start. You hum softly as you look over at your usual seat, turning around to look up at Alex. “I sit over there…there’s an empty right next to me if you want” you suggest.

The empty seat used to be taken up by Ellie before she started dating Sofia.

Alex smiles brightly as she nods before you can even finish your words, and that alone prompts you to grab her hand and drag her along through all of the seats to get to the two seats tucked away in the corner, the ones you used to look forward to making your way to almost every day that you had class.

When you two are settled, you fall into a comfortable conversation, your head resting against your hand as you listen to her speak. She tells you about her old school, about her favorite books and movies, her favorite music. You’re so caught up in the conversation with Alex…

That you don’t even notice Ellie walk into the room.

She walks in as she usually does these days, laughing softly at something Sofia said, her arm draped around the girls waist, keeping her close. Had it been any other day, she would’ve made her way down to the usual seats in the front that she has recently taken with Sofia, but the sound of our laugh quickly catches her attention.

At first, she realizes she hasn’t heard the loud sound in quite some time. The only thing she’d received from you in the small moments she shared with you were tiny giggles, or small hums, but never that deep, belly laugh that she loved so much.

Then, when she looks at you, head tilting back as you cover your lips, laughing loudly at something she was oblivious to, her eyes finally fall on the person your body is turned towards. A head of short hair and a leather clad, broad back is turned towards her, and suddenly Ellie is frowning.

Because that seat, is hers.

Ellie gives Sofias waist a soft tap, mumbling for her to wait for her at their seats as she presses a soft kiss to her cheek, green eyes never leaving you and Alex as she continues to make you laugh uncontrollably.

She doesn’t think about much, other than the annoyance she feels that someone is in her seat, regardless of the fact that she’d left that seat empty, leaving you alone for weeks on end. All she knows, is that she doesn’t like that someone is sitting in her seat, she doesn’t like that this is the first time she’s heard you laugh in weeks…..

And she sure as hell doesn’t like that it’s this mystery person that is causing that laugh in the first place.

“I know! I can’t believe you like that show too, I was convinced that-“ your words are cut off by the dark, looking presence that is suddenly hanging over you and Alex. It makes you frown softly, looking up to find a very angry Ellie standing in front of both you and Alex.

“Ellie? Hey! What are you doing here?” You question softly, unable to remember the last time you’d seen Ellie up there at those seats with you. The question is genuine, and for a moment you assume something might be wrong, but Ellie’s expression seems to be even more annoyed than when she first got there.

Instead, Ellie completely disregards your question, the girl annoyed with how innocent and genuine your words are, your big eyes blinking up at her with a twinge of worry as you await her reasoning for being there with you. She looks at Alex, her tongue pressing against her cheek before she nods her head towards the seat she’s sitting in. “That’s my seat” she deadpans, not leaving any room for argument.

Alex raises her eyebrows, staring up at Ellie before she turns to you for a moment, humming casually as she gives a half shrug. “I was told no one sits here anymore” she hummed out, staring up at Ellie in a challenging manner. It causes Ellie to scoff softly, rolling her eyes before she inhales deeply, and you know it’s because she’s trying to control her temper.

“Well I do, so you should find a different seat” she barks back, her tone progressively becoming more and more irritated with Alex. Alex simply chuckles softly, clearly taking Ellie for a joke as she sighs out. “Doesn’t have your name on it…so I’m not going anywhere” she finishes off, clearly done with the conversation with Ellie. Ellie raises her eyebrows, finally looking over at you as if to silently ask if you’re just going to let someone speak to your best friend that way.

And it annoys you to no end.

It annoys you because Ellie didn’t care about the seat for the past however many weeks since she’d been dating Sofia, you were sure it had been a good month at least, and suddenly she cares about it when someone is taking up the spot.

Taking up her spot.

You frown softly, staring up at your friend before you let out a soft sigh. “I think Sofia is waiting for you, Ellie” you try, giving her a slight nod as if to remind her that her girlfriend was in fact waiting for her down at the bottom of the sea of chairs. You hope it’ll clear her head, and whatever this sudden urge to come and check up on you with it. You see a flash of something ripple across her face, something you can’t quite make out for a moment, but once you do, it’s clear as day.

Betrayal.

She inhales deeply, eyes never leaving yours, only when they dart over to Alex. She wants to stay and say more, try to get the idiot next to you to sit somewhere else, anywhere else, but suddenly you’re turning your attention back to Alex, a soft smile on your lips as you fall back into conversation with her as if Ellie wasn’t standing right over the both of you. Ellie feels like she could burn a hole through the floorboards with how much it makes her seethe.

And the worst part is? She couldn’t even understand why it made her feel that way.

Soon, she’s stomping off like a child, down the stairs of the lecture room towards Sofia. She gives you an apologetic look from her spot at the bottom where she sits with Ellie, and it makes you so confused because why is she even looking at you that way? As if she was to blame for her girlfriends behavior? You give her a small smile back, and she turns around towards Ellie, her small hands rubbing the girls back gently as she bent her head down and pressed a soft kiss to her head.

You eye them for a moment, but your eyes don’t linger like they used to. You’re quickly looking back at Alex as she speaks to you, making you forget all about the very strange behavior your best friend just exhibited.

“Sorry about that…she’s…she’s great, I promise. I’m sure you two would like each other” you nod, giving Alex a reassuring smile. Alex hums in response as she looks down at Ellie, her eyes narrowing down at her for a moment before she nods. “I’m sure we would” she smiles out, and you can tell despite the rude interaction they just had, she’s genuine, and she seems to want to know more about Ellie.

But you save that for later, because you’d much rather get to know Alex than talk about Ellie.

[sunflower-lilac42]

𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗯𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗽𝗶𝗰𝗸𝘂𝗽 ; 𝘫𝘩86, 𝘭𝘩43, 𝘲𝘩43, 𝘵𝘻11, 𝘤𝘤22 ୨୧

➪ summary: after being stood up, y/n was planning on just spending her night crying on the curb before she went home. that was until five boys showed up and took her out.

➪ warnings: reader gets stood up, mentions of cheating, trevor is such a flirt, reader has chemistry with all five of them, definitely typos/not proofread

➪ word count: 5.3k

➪ file type: new fic

➪ sunny's notes: the first fic since i've left. guys you have no idea how in love i am with this. i got this idea based on a tiktok (at least the first part was, the fair part was all me) but i love this so so so much and i hope you guys do too. okay two things that i am willing to do with this, write and give you guys the letters each of them write and/or a part two where she gets together with one of them (who, you let me know)

© sunflower-lilac42 ; do not copy, repost, or translate my work and designs on any other website or here

nhl masterlist || taglist || navigation

She hadn't meant to end up on the curb, mascara streaking down her cheeks as the city buzzed around her, but here she was, wishing she'd never agreed to the date in the first place. She shoved her phone roughly into the pocket of her jacket, curling herself into it further. She turned her attention to the cracks in the sidewalk, tracing the lines and picking at the grass that grew out of some of them. 

When she got bored of that she wrapped her arms around her knees and just buried her head into them, listening to the cars passing by and the distant music from the bar a couple of buildings down. She could hear muffled laughter and talking drawing closer but she was too distracted to care. 

Meanwhile, the group of guys was walking down the sidewalk laughing about a joke one of them had said. They had just been wandering around trying to figure out what they should do that night. It was Luke who spotted the girl first, he paused once his gaze landed on her. At first he thought nothing of it, merely shrugged it off as just someone who was drunk way too early into the night. 

But as the group neared closer, he could hear the soft sniffles and immediately reached his hand out to stop Jack, who was walking beside him, “What?”

Jack raised his eyebrow as he followed Luke’s gaze to where the girl was sitting. He looked back at his younger brother and then back at the girl, “What is it?”

“She’s crying, dumbass.”

The conversation halted the other three’s movements, their laughter slowly fading. They made their way back over to the two, making a little huddle as they discussed what they should do, “Should we do something?”

Quinn crossed his arms, slightly worried about the girl even if she was just a stranger. He listened to the others talk before walking up to her, ignoring the group’s sounds of protests, “Hey.”

The girl jumped slightly, rushing to wipe the tears from her face as she looked up at him, “Hi.”

“Are you okay?”

She looked back down, eyes fixed on her sweater covered hands, before she mumbled, “I’m fine.” She picked at the loose strings coming from the edge of the sleeves, oblivious to the looks and mouthed words the boys were exchanging. 

When minutes had passed she finally looked back up to see the five now completely surrounding her. She could tell they had been planning on going out somewhere, probably having a lot more fun then she would’ve had even if her date had shown up. A few of them sent her an awkward smile while the one she had talked to and one of the taller ones sent her genuine ones. 

“We didn’t mean to bother you,” Luke said, “We were just wondering if you were okay.”

Y/n nodded, “I’m fine… just a bad night, I guess.”

Trevor raised his eyebrows, “Just a bad night?” Jack hit him in the stomach and smiled at the girl apologetically, “Sorry about him.”

She cracked a small smile, the first one since she arrived at the shitty bar two hours ago. Cole took this as an invitation to offer what they had been talking about earlier, “We were going to go get some pizza, do you want to come with?”

She moved her eyes to each one, all of them now having a smile on their face, a sincere one. She blinked, slightly surprised at how willing they were to offer her to come with, “I don’t want to ruin your night…”

“You wouldn’t be ruining anything,” Trevor chimed in, “We were just figuring out what to do anyway, no plans whatsoever.”

She hesitated, still unsure, but as she looked up at them she  couldn’t deny that going to get pizza with five random guys would be better than sitting on the curb alone in the cold. She nodded and whispered, “Okay. Pizza sounds good.”

Luke flashed a grin, holding his hand out to her, “Come on, let’s get out of here.” 

She took his hand, using it as an aid to stand up. The four immediately fell into step beside them, making small talk with y/n as they made their way down the street. Luke never strayed far from her, occasionally tightening the grip he still had on her hand. 

“What’s your favorite kind of pizza?” Cole stepped closer to her, leaving Jack behind to continue talking to Quinn. 

She shrugged at first before speaking softly, “Just cheese.”

Trevor came up behind her too, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as he pushed Luke out of the way, “Plain cheese. My kind of girl.”

She laughed at his comment, catching her footing as Trevor leaned on her. They all continued their walk to the pizza place, stepping in and immediately being hit with the smell of pizza. THey found a table near the back and sat down, placing their drink order with the waiter that came by. 

“So, what had you sitting on the curb crying?”

She tensed slightly, not sure if she should actually tell them but she looked at all of their gazes and noticed how genuine all of them looked so she spoke up, “I was supposed to go on a date tonight. But he stood me up.”

They all collectively scoffed, “What an ass?”

“He doesn’t know what he was missing out on.”

She laughed, “You guys don’t even know me.”

“So? It doesn’t take a genius to figure out you’re a good person.”

Quinn, who had noticed the sadness still lingering in her eyes, inserted himself into the conversation, “I’m assuming that’s not it?”

She smiled sadly, “It would’ve been my first date in a month… since my ex cheated on me.”

The five of them stared at her with wide eyes, “No fucking way.”

“Yep.” Before anyone got a chance to say something, the waiter came around and handed out their drinks before taking their pizza order. 

The waiter walked away and she immediately said something before they could, “So what about you? Who are the five guys that mysteriously decided to take me under their wing for the night?”

“Well I’m Jack, this is my older brother Quinn and my younger brother Luke. And these are my best friends Cole and Trevor.”

They all waved as Jack said their names, smiling awkwardly in return. They all slowly got to know each other, y/n finding out they all played hockey and which teams they played on. She got told many childhood stories, especially about the three brothers since they had known each other for the longest obviously. Eventually, they got their pizza and continued their conversation as they ate. 

When they were done they slowly headed out the door, paying for their meal beforehand. They all stood outside the pizza place and exchanged glances with one another, “So now what?”

“Well, I should probably head home…”

“Nonsense!” Jack screamed, “Come on let’s go do something. You still need some cheering up.”

“Thank you but I don’t want to impose more than I already have.”

They all shook their heads, “Nah, come on. Let’s go to the fair.”

She was hesitant once again but she saw all of their pleading looks and gave in immediately, “Alright fine. Let’s go.”

The five of them cheered and immediately took off down the street, y/n’s laughter filling their ears.

ﾟ+*:୨୧:*﹤

They six arrived at the fair, y/n looking around in awe. It had been a while since she’d been to a fair or carnival, the bright lights overwhelming her in the slightest. She followed behind the guys, not knowing where exactly she, or they, were heading. She watched from behind them as they hit each other playfully and laughed before Cole fell behind and walked alongside her, “Hey.”

“Hi.” She looked up at him and furrowed her eyebrows, “What’s up?”

“How much do you like rides?”

“Depends on which one.”

“Ferris wheel, swings, tilt-a-whirl.”

“Ferris wheel it is.”

Cole called out to his friends, “Hey! We’re going on the ferris wheel. We’ll meet up with you later.”

The other four waved him off and y/n smiled at him, “Lead the way Caufield.”

Cole practically dragged her in the direction of the ride, hearing her laugh behind him. She squealed as she almost ran into people, yelling out apologies as they passed by. He never let up, continuing his fast paced walk, or run as y/n called it, through the crowds. She told him to slow down multiple times and even then he would only slow his pace in the slightest.

Once they finally arrived there, she panted, “Jeez. Are you trying to kill me?”

“No! I was just really excited. Now come on before the lines get too long.” She nodded and continued her pursuit after him, managing to get in line before the crowd started to gather. 

Cole grinned at her as they stood in line and y/n couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her. Cole looked at her and his grin turned crooked, “What?”

“Has anyone told you how contagious your energy is?”

He shrugged, “Sometimes.”

The two continued to stand in silence, y/n gazing around at the multitude of booths that surrounded her. Some were selling food, deep fried twinkies or churros, she made a mental note to come back later to satisfy her sweet tooth. Others were selling trinkets or shirts or bracelets. She looked around at all the people, some little kids bouncing up and down with happiness as they held their parents hands, a group of teens who were taking pictures on a polaroid camera, and a couple who were holding hands and wearing matching t-shirts. Her smile quickly faded from her face and turned into a frown.

Cole noticed the sudden change in her demeanor and he didn’t let it last long, “So, you’ve ever been on a ferris wheel.”

She looked back at him, smiling softly, “Yeah, a few times, but it’s been a while. I forgot how much fun fairs were, I used to go as a kid with my family.”

“They’re the best, especially at night when you reach the top and can see almost the whole fair from up there. Magic or something.”

“Magic huh?” A teasing smile played on her lips as she nudged him. 

“Hey! Don’t judge me. It’s true.”

She just continued to smile as she faced forward, watching as the line continued to move quicker and quicker. Before she knew it, it was her and Cole’s turn to get on, the two of them quickly sitting in their seats and watching as the worker closed the cabin door. It was just Cole and y/n  in there, sitting across from one another. 

“What’s your favorite part?” She looked over at him with curious eyes.

He smiled once more before answering, “When you get to the top and are lucky enough that that’s where it stops you.”

She nodded in agreement before looking out the booth, “That’s my favorite part too.”

The two fell into a comfortable silence as the wheel took them around twice before finally stopping at the top. Her breath hitched as they stopped, not expecting it in the slightest. She couldn’t help but think back to Cole’s words earlier, it was truly magical. Every noise seemed to fall deaf on her ears as she gazed out at the lights shining brightly, the mass of people running around below her. 

“I told you.”

She hummed as she looked over at him, “Yeah you did. And for the record I never said you were wrong.”

A few moments passed before she spoke again, “Thank you… for this, for tonight.”

“No need to thank me, I’m glad we ran into you.”

That’s when the ride started to move again, bringing the two of them back to the ground. The ride worker smiled at them once more as they climbed out and waved goodbye before helping the next group of people in the car. Cole and y/n laughed as they stumbled down the road, his hand brushing up against hers. The two blushed in unison, looking down before continuing to walk down the street. 

“Want to go find the others?” Y/n nodded but slowed her pace in the slightest, “But let’s take our time, hm? We’re not in any rush are we?”

Cole grinned again, “Not one bit.”

ﾟ+*:୨୧:*﹤

When they finally found the group of them, they were in the part of the fair that hosted a majority of the carnival games. Jack swung an arm around her, “Well look who’s back. The girl of the hour!”

She blushed again as everyone’s gaze fell upon her, “Hi.”

“So how was the ferris wheel?” Trevor teased as he took a sip of his drink, his raised eyebrows still visible from behind the cup.

“Good.”

“Mhm, what y/n said.” He glared slightly at Trevor but kept his cool for the most part. 

“Haven’t been on a ferris wheel in a while, it was fun.”

“I bet,” Trevor mumbled again and received a smack on the head from Quinn. 

“So, what do you guys want to do next?” Luke interrupted, slightly ticked off from both Trevor’s antics and the blush that was on Cole and y/n’s face. 

They all looked at the girl’s face as her eyes wandered up and down the street awaiting her decision. Her gaze finally landed back on them before she spoke, “Who’s good at games?”

Four of the five of them stepped back immediately at her words leaving Luke the only one standing, “I guess that’s me.”

She took ahold of his hand and dragged him down the way to one of the games, Luke only able to send a wave quickly as he stumbled after her. He watched as she talked animatedly about the carnival games, something along the lines of never being able to win one. Something clicked in his brain and he knew he wanted to win something for her. 

They finally reached one of the booths, the two of them coming to a stop immediately, “Do you think you can win?”

She looked up at him with hopeful eyes, “I’ve been trying since I was a kid.”

He nodded, a small part of him knowing there was a chance he wouldn’t be able to but he sure as hell was determined to win. She watched as he stepped up to the worker, handing her a few bucks before picking up the miniature basketballs. 

One after another he missed but his confidence never waivered even as he continued to hand the worker money. After the third try, y/n stepped up and placed her hand on his arm, “Come on, Luke. It’s useless at this point.”

“One more. I promise.”

She relented and allowed him to hand the worker more money before picking the basketballs up again. This time, all the ones he threw made it into the wooden baskets and he cheered before bringing her into a hug and pointing up at the prizes, “Which one do you want?”

She smiled up at him, “The purple cow. Please.”

The worker nodded and took it down before handing it to the girl who beamed as she took it into her arms, “Finally. After 18 plus years.”

He laughed at her, watching as she played with the stuffed animal’s floppy ears, “You know I don’t think cows are supposed to have floppy ears.”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and she immediately found comfort in the gesture, “Whatever, it’s cute.”

Luke looked down at her and smiled softly, “Yeah, sure is.”

Oblivious to Luke’s gaze and true meaning of his words, she spoke, “C’mon let’s go show everyone what you won me. My hero.”

He chuckled again before leading her back to the group but going as slow as possible to not have to completely leave her side too early. She looked back up at him with a playful smirk, “So Luke, is this your secret talent? Winning impossible carnival games?”

He laughed, shaking his head, “Not this time. I think I just got lucky.”

“Lucky huh? Or maybe you’re just too stubborn to give up…” She urged.

He shrugged, “Maybe a little bit of both. But it was worth it to see you smile like that.”

A new blush rose to her cheeks and she changed her gaze to the ground, letting Luke guide her through the crowds, clutching the stuffed cow even closer to her.

ﾟ+*:୨୧:*﹤

“Look what Luke won me!” She hopped over to the group of boys who snapped their heads to look at her. 

They nodded, less enthusiastic than the girl but still trying to make it seem like they were. Quinn was the first one, “How long did it take him?”

Luke rolled his eyes at his older brother, “Oh shut up.”

“I was just asking!”

Y/n shook her head at the banter and stepped away as they continued to argue back and forth. She ended up next to Jack who immediately took notice that she was now by his side, “Hey there.”

“Hi.”

For a while they didn’t say anything, just watching the fight between Luke and Quinn. Then y/n nudged his side and whispered in his ear, “Fried Twinkie?”

He nodded and grinned walking away with her towards the food. The two made their way down, a lot of the crowd had dispersed to the shows now that they had started. There was a small line forming outside of the food truck that sold the fried twinkies, so the two just stood and made small talk as they waited, “So… fried twinkies, huh? Your go-to carnival snack?”

“Yep, always has been. It’s a classic, too. I’ve been eyeing them since I got to the ferris wheel with Cole.”

“Always has been? How many times have you been?”

They moved up with the line and she shoved her hands in the pockets of her shorts, “I used to go all the time with my family when we were kids, but when my siblings grew up and started relenting ‘family quality time’ we just stopped kind of going.”

Jack nodded, “Yeah, I feel that. I mean once we all started to get more serious about hockey we all just kind of forgot to do stuff like that, or at least it was hard to go out without people recognizing us.”

They finally reached the front of the line, the vendor smiling at them happily as he rang up the two fried twinkies. Y/n watched as Jack swiped his card, grateful that the boys had been basically spoiling her since they picked her up on the side of the street. It was hard to believe that this all happened because someone stood her up but she couldn’t find it in herself to care at this point. 

She jumped slightly when she noticed Jack’s hand wave in front of her face, “Lost you there for a sec. Here is your fried Twinkie, m’lady.”

“Why thank you kind sir.” 

The two made their way over to one of the many benches that was set up on the grass. Y/n sat the purple cow on the table next to her, taking a bite of the treat, “I forgot how good these were.”

“I forgot how bad for you these are.”

“Oh come on, you can’t tell me you don’t indulge in something sweet once in a while, especially since it’s the summer.”

Jack smirked, “I never said that. I just meant that this is fucking greasy as hell.”

She only nodded, taking another bite. The two sat in silence as they ate and then she saw Jack’s hand reaching out, “What’re-”

His thumb landed on the corner of her mouth, wiping some of the filling of the twinkie away, “You got a little something there.”

Her cheeks flushed at the action, though she couldn’t tell if she was embarrassed or flustered. Once they were done, they threw their trash away and y/n resumed her grasp on her cow, “Thanks for coming with me.”

“‘Course, I’m glad you’re having a great time. You deserve it, especially after… well you know.”

She frowned slightly and nodded, “Yeah.”

“Hey come on. No frowns anymore. The night isn’t over yet!”

“Oh, it’s not?”

“Nope! I heard there was this karaoke or dance thing happening soon, we’re definitely going. Let’s go find the guys.”

She lagged at his words and ran after him.

ﾟ+*:୨୧:*﹤

The two ran up to the group, Jack practically crashing into Cole, “Whoops sorry.”

Cole shoved him back and y/n laughed at the interaction, “Alright so what’s this I hear about dancing?”

“Well we were going to go to karaoke, but someone said no.”

Eyes turned to Luke who shrugged innocently, “What? I don’t really want to get on stage and sing in front of a bunch of people.”

“Buzzkill. But there’s a band performing right now so we figured we’d go check that out.”

Y/n nodded, “Akright.”

The six of them made their way through the fair, walking to one of the many stages they had there. Y/n reached for the closest hand, which happened to be Quinn’s, scared of getting lost in the crowds. Quinn looked down at her and smiled gently, “Nervous?”

“Yeah, just a little overwhelmed.”

He squeezed her hand, “Well I got you.”

A pink tint covered her cheeks for what seemed like the hundredth time that night. They navigated their way close to the middle of the group, nodding their heads along to the beat of whatever song the band was playing. 

As they settled into the middle of the crowd, the energy of the live music began to seep into Y/N’s bones. The band was playing an upbeat, catchy tune that had the entire audience swaying and moving along to the rhythm. Y/n finally let herself relax into the swing of the crowd.

Quinn, still holding her hand, leaned down to be heard over the music. “Feeling better?”

She nodded, giving him a grateful smile. “Yeah, thanks. This is actually pretty fun.”

“Good,” he replied, his eyes twinkling with warmth.

As the band transitioned into a slower, more melodic song, Y/N noticed that couples around them started to pair off, swaying together in time with the music. She hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to do, but before she could overthink it, Jack nudged her playfully.

“Come on, Y/N,” he said with a grin. “You can’t just stand there. Dance with us!”

Before she could respond, Jack took her other hand, spinning her around playfully before pulling her into a gentle sway. Quinn didn’t let go of her other hand, so she found herself dancing between the two of them, feeling a bit like she was in a scene from a movie.

“See? Not so bad, right?” Jack said, his voice light and teasing.

“Not bad at all,” she agreed, laughing as they continued to sway together.

Cole, Trevor, and Luke were nearby, each of them doing their own version of dancing, Trevor of course going completely against the rhythm of the music. As the song progressed, Jack eventually stepped back, letting Quinn take over fully. Y/N looked up at him, their eyes meeting in a way that made her heart flutter. The earlier awkwardness she’d felt was gone, replaced by a sense of comfort.

“You’re a pretty good dancer,” she commented, trying to keep the conversation light even as her heart raced.

Quinn chuckled, his hand still holding hers as they moved together to the music. “Thanks. I guess all those weddings and family events paid off.”

She smiled, feeling a warmth spread through her chest that had nothing to do with the summer night air. “Well, you all are definitely making this night unforgettable.”

Quinn’s gaze softened, and for a moment, it felt like they were the only two people in the crowd. “I’m glad. You deserve it.”

“That is the second time someone has said that to me tonight.”

“Oh really?” Quinn’s eyes shined with amusement, “I guess that means it’s true.”

As the song came to an end, they slowly stopped swaying, neither of them eager to let go. But the upbeat music quickly returned, and the moment passed, replaced by the lively energy of the fair.

Jack reappeared, playfully pulling Y/N away from Quinn with a grin. “Alright, enough of the slow stuff. Let’s see if you can keep up with me!”

She laughed, letting him drag her back into the group where they all started dancing together, the worries of the earlier part of the night completely forgotten. They spent the next hour losing themselves in the music, joking around, and simply enjoying each other’s company.

By the time the band announced their final song, Y/N was out of breath, her cheeks flushed from both the exertion and the pure joy she felt. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had this much fun, or felt this free. And as the music wound down, the crowd began to disperse, yet the six of them had stayed together, watching everyone push their way out to the entrance of the fair.

Y/n all of a sudden felt heavy and she could feel herself growing increasingly tired. Trevor was the first to notice this, immediately taking a position by her side and letting her lay against him, “Someone’s getting tired.” His voice was light and teasing as he looked down at her.

She mumbled something incoherently, digging her face into the boy’s shoulder. The five of them laughed at her before agreeing to head back to the car. Trevor and Quinn took the main job of helping her walk back to the parking lot, all of them equally as tired as the girl, their feet aching. 

ﾟ+*:୨୧:*﹤

When they reached the car, Luke climbed into the back seat and watched as Trevor and Quinn helped the girl into the middle row. Trevor sat in the middle, Y/n on his left and Cole on his right, as Quinn hopped into the driver’s seat with Jack in the passenger side. 

Trevor shook her slightly, trying to get her to wake enough so she could tell them where she lived or where to drop her off. Y/n blinked her eyes open slowly, looking up at him, “Hm?”

“Gotta tell us where to take you, pretty girl.”

“Wanna sleep.”

Trevor chuckled, “I know you do and you can once you tell us where you live.” 

He slid a phone into her hands and she slowly typed out her address into the search bar of the maps before handing it back to him. He thanked her and handed the phone to Jack who then plugged the phone into one of the charging cords, Siri’s voice making its way to everyone’s ears through the speakers. 

Y/n resummed her position laying against Trevor. She shivered slightly, the drastic temperature change affecting her greatly. Trevor let a smile tug at his lips as he reached into the backseat where Luke was to place it around her. She whispered a ‘thanks’ before resuming her previous action, curling into his side.

Although she was tired, her mind didn’t seem to allow her to sleep so she opened her eyes and tried to find something to focus on. Her gaze landed upon Trevor’s arm, the one littered with tattoos. She couldn’t help but be mesmerized by them and she let her eyes trace up the length of his forearm to his bicep. 

Trevor could feel her stare and finally looked back over to her before speaking softly, “What’s on your mind?”

“Nothin.”

“I can feel you looking, sweetheart.”

She blushed at the nickname although the only tell tale sign was whenever they would pass a street light that lit up her face. He chuckled at her shyness before nudging her again, “You can touch if you want princess. I don’t mind.”

Y/n looked up at him, “Really?”

He nodded, “Go ahead.”

She hesitated at first before letting her hand lay atop his arm, her fingers slowly beginning to trace the ink. She let the silence comfort her and slowly lull her to sleep to start with but then the question burned at the back of her mind, “Do they mean anything?”

“Yes and no, but mostly no. Just things I thought were cool I guess.”

She let out a soft murmur of amusement and continued the path of the shapes his arm had. Slowly she fell asleep and before she knew it they were pulling up to her apartment. Trevor had to be careful with maneuvering her but eventually he was able to pick her up and carry her up the stairs. 

As respectful as Luke could, he reached into her pocket to pull out her keys and unlocked the door. Quinn, Jack, Cole and Luke trailed behind Trevor, all of them finding their way to her bedroom. The five exchanged looks as they stood watching her, “Should we leave or note or something?”

“Probably. I don’t know how much she’s going to remember when she wakes up.”

The others nodded in agreement and slowly filled out of her bedroom but not before kissing her softly on the head and making sure the covers surrounded her entirely and that the curtains in her room were closed all the way. 

They reached the kitchen and searched for pieces of paper, each of them writing their own note with their name and phone number scribbled underneath it. It wasn’t the neatest thing they ever wrote, especially considering that it was mostly dark inside the apartment. Soon after they all left, making sure the lock was secure before walking back to the car and driving away.

ﾟ+*:୨୧:*﹤

In the morning, y/n woke up groaning slightly. She couldn’t remember what had happened last night except for the fact that she had been stood up. She sat up in bed and looked down at her arms which were clad in a sweatshirt she didn’t recognize. Slowly the memories of the previous night slowly came back to her and she couldn’t help the smile that graced her face. 

She got out of bed and walked to the kitchen, now noticing that she didn’t know if she would ever see the five again. That was until she noticed the five pieces of paper laid out on her kitchen counter, all in different handwriting. 

She made her way over to the counter, sitting at one of the chairs she had there and taking her time reading each note individually. The smile was predominantly stuck to her face as she typed each number into her phone, creating contacts for each of them. 

Finally, she made a group chat with all of them before sending a text, “Hey, this is y/n. Thank you all for last night, it meant a lot to me. I hope it wasn’t just a one time thing, I would enjoy seeing you all again.”

And within minutes of her sending the text, all of them had hearted her message and sent her each a message.

𝗡𝗘𝗪 𝗝𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗘𝗬 𝗗𝗘𝗩𝗜𝗟𝗦 + 𝗩𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗢𝗨𝗩𝗘𝗥 𝗖𝗔𝗡𝗨𝗖𝗞𝗦 + 𝗠𝗜𝗦𝗖𝗘𝗟𝗟𝗔𝗡𝗘𝗢𝗨𝗦 𝗣𝗟𝗔𝗬𝗘𝗥 𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧 ୨୧

@blakesbearsblog @toasttt11 @chiblackhawks @prettyjoseph @nicole01-23 @auriesphantom @pucks-goals-penalties @dancerbailey3 @quinnylouhughesx43 @petite-potato4 @thehuggybearslover @absolutelyhugh3s @kei943 @dyslecticdutchman @this-ass-is-eikonic

© sunflower-lilac42 ; do not copy, repost, or translate my work and designs on any other website or here

[chimcess]

Waterlog || pjm (4)

Pairing: Jimin x Reader Other tags: Olympic Swimmer!Jimin, Ex Olympic Swimmer! Reader, Swim Coach!Reader Genre: Strangers to Friends to Lovers!AU, Coach!AU, Swimming!AU, HEAVY Angst, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, fluff, eventual smut, I'm so soft for these two it's crazy. Word Count: 11.8k+ Synopsis: After a car accident ends her athletic career, Y/N has slowly started rebuilding her life again as a high school swim coach. That’s until she gets a request from an old friend and finds herself back in the spotlight as the new coach of Olympic swimmer, Park Jimin. Warnings: ANGST, crying, mental health issues, talking about mental health, I'm so soft for them it's actually wild, best boyfriend Jimin, did I say angst????, past drug use, past alcohol addiction, past trauma talk, crying, anxiety, hand holding, touching as a love language, Jimin can't keep his hands to himself, he does try his best though, pining, sexual tension, banter, I love these two A/N: I know we're a couple of weeks late updating, but I've been very busy with moving so I haven't had the energy to write. I did a very quick edit, so this might not be perfect. I'm planning on coming back once I'm in my new place to do a full proofread. Hope you like the update!

prev || masterlist || next || playlist

Hand clutching my phone, I sighed. All around me the airport buzzed with life. I had almost forgotten how hectic the Denver Airport was. A few feet away I saw a mother struggling to keep her children together while her husband scrolled on his phone. I must have made some sort of noise, subconsciously voicing my annoyance, because Jimin laughed.

“What’s going on, gran?” He teased, voice light. “See a couple of youngins on your lawn?”

I scoffed, tearing my eyes away from the family. “Just a shitty husband ignoring his children.”

He hissed, sucking in air through his teeth, “The worst kind of dude. Are you alright?”

Softening, I finally spotted my luggage on the conveyor belt. Twisting my torso, I did a light stretch and then quickly snatched the heavy bag up. “Not too anxious, right?”

He had been very worried about letting me come home for a visit. When I had originally brought it up he offered himself up for the job, but I was not a fan of that idea. My friends would definitely bring up our date and I did not want to deal with the awkwardness that would cause. Especially since we had yet to go on it. That would not matter to Hoseok, however, and the teasing would have been endless. Better to spare Jimin from their wrath for just a little while longer.

“I’m cool,” I replied, softening. “Just got my stuff from baggage claim. I’m going to let you go so I can call Andy.”

“Okay bug. See you in a few days.”

Harper had recently started calling me that, forgetting my real name and not caring enough to ask for it. Eloise had tried to scold her for it, but I told her I did not mind it. It caught on with Cameron not too long after that, and soon the entire Park family had started using the little nickname. Jimin thought it was adorable from the beginning but had only started using it after our talk the other night.

I laughed, “I’m going to call you tonight.”

“Aw,” I knew he had that stupid smile on his face. “Miss me that much?”

“Someone needs to make sure you’re staying out of trouble,” I replied, a confident pep in my step I had not had in years. “But yes, I do miss you.”

There was a pregnant pause. 

“I miss you too.”

I could feel my heart melting. I was still getting used to our new dynamic. On most days we were strictly business, and were able to set aside the very large, very apparent elephant in the room. It was not until we had finished with work that those roles dropped, and we were able to just be us. 

Ever since my confession in the car Jimin spoke a hell of a lot more. Apparently, he had a hard time keeping his feelings to himself and chose to talk a little less in order to avoid a slip up. He wanted to give us both a little bit of time to get to know one another before springing his crush on me.

“Going soft, kid?” Playing things off with humor was Jimin’s thing, but it had slowly started to rub off on me. “It’s only two days.”

“I know,” He pouted. “Call your friend. It’s cold and you’ll get sick.”

“Hey,” I cut the teasing tone I had, “You’re not upset I came here by myself, right?”

“No,” He chuckled with an unmistakable fondness. “I’m just messin’ with you. I’m not ready to meet your friends and you need some alone time. We’re good, I promise.”

I sighed in relief, “Okay. Good. I’m going to go now. Talk to you later?”

“Call me when you can,” He replied, voice light.

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye, bug.”

I was disappointed to hear the line go dead but knew I could aimlessly walk around this airport all day if given the chance, so long as he was there with me. Trying to get my thoughts back on track, I sent a text to Andy asking if she was here yet. If not, I was already making plans to call Jimin back.

Andy: I’m parked in 5 near C Gates

Andy: Be careful

Andy: Saw a lady almost get hit by a car just now

Me: See you in a sec

Me: Should I be worried?

I knew she was trying to make a joke, but car accident punchlines never went over all that well with me. Even if I knew the chances of that happening to me were almost zero, I really did not want to have a panic attack in the airport parking lot. 

Andy: Not at all. I’m so sorry for even saying anything. I can come meet you at the doors if you want.

Deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. Deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. Sigh of relief. I was fine. 

Me: I appreciate you

Me: Is babygirl here?

Dani would help the spike of anxiety dissipate. The girl was fearless and was sure to be distracting enough to keep me from paying attention to the oncoming traffic. I suddenly wished that Jimin was here. He always knew what to do.

Andy: Jin and I are weak

Andy: We let her play hooky

Bobbing and weaving through bodies, I tossed my phone into my purse and made my way out of the airport. The arrivals station was packed, and I would need to take the automated train to where Andrea was parked. It was my least favorite part about this airport, but it beat Dallas-Fort Worth by a landslide. I had gotten lost in that airport more times than I could count. 

Three minutes later I was getting out of the train and stepping into C Gates. I could smell Auntie Anne’s and felt my mouth begin to water. Checking my clock, I decided it would not hurt to make a quick spot for lunch. Andy would appreciate it and I knew Dani loved their pretzel dog. 

There was a little less traffic in C Gates. More of the expensive airlines let out here, and all you could see were business professionals pacing back and forth. A family on vacation bumped into me while I was waiting in line, and I almost gave up my spot when their toddler started screaming. 

“No, no,” His mother insisted, her hair a mess on the top of her head. “Between the girls and my mom, we’ll be here all day. Go ahead, sweetie.”

Two little girls danced around me as we waited, the line moving at a snail's pace due to the airport being understaffed. They asked me questions incessantly, and while their mother had tried her best to keep them in line, I told her I was fine with the extra attention. I loved kids and the girls were harmless. The boy in her arms kept repeating “pizza” and soon an elderly woman joined them. 

If the girls talked a lot, they had nothing on grandma. Not only did she never shut her mouth, she was loud and obnoxiously laughing every few seconds. The boy was quick to beg to be in her arms and mom got a break. She was back to attempting to corral the girls, but again they did not really listen. 

“They’re only like this when my mom’s around,” She sighed, frustrated and tired. “We’re meeting up with their father and they’re all a little restless.”

“It’s no bother,” I lied. The girls really were not that bad. Just a couple of four-year-olds having fun. The only person who was really getting on my nerves was her mother, but I was not about to say that. “Better to get it out now than in the car, right?”

She cracked a tired smile, “Right.”

Finally, it was my turn to order. The young girl behind the counter gave me an award-winning smile while another young blonde was in the back getting all of the orders out.

“Hi, welcome to Auntie Anne’s. How can I help you today?”

“Can I get one original pretzel, one cinnamon sugar pretzel, and a pretzel dog combo with a lemonade and cheese,” Glancing behind me, I sighed. “Throw in a pizza pretzel, two orders of pretzel nuggets, and whatever else the family behind me wants.”

She smiled, blue eyes twinkling prettily in the bright lights. Turning around I waved the mother over and told her to get something for her and her mother. She put up a small fight, but eventually gave in when she realized I had already put our orders together.

“Thank you so much,” I thought she might burst into tears when my card was approved. “You really didn’t need to do that.”

I shrugged, “It was nothing. Have a nice vacation.”

Walking to the pickup area, my order was already waiting for me. With nothing more than a simple wave, I left the dysfunctional family behind. The grandmother’s loud thank you seemed to echo off of the airport walls, but it was a little less grating now that I knew I would never hear it again. 

Andy threw herself at me when I finally made it outside, little Dani wrapping her arms around my legs with squeals of delight louder than her mother’s. Taking her pretzel, Andy gave me a fat, wet kiss on the cheek and told Dani she could eat in the car. 

“How’s gymnastics, girlie?” I asked the little girl once we were in the car. “Still kicking ass?”

“No,” She laughed. “I quit, like, forever ago. Appa put me in ballet classes.”

I gave Andy a look. The red head rolled her eyes, fixing me with a knowing look. I had been telling Jin to put her in dance for years.

“It’s been two weeks and she’s already trying to talk him into figure skating.”

“You’re a little hustler, huh?” I reached into the back, squeezing her knee. Dani giggled, angling her body away from mine. She was very ticklish. “Keep at it. You know your dad’s a sucker.”

Dani laughed, “My vovó says the same thing.”

We listened to Olivia Rodrigo on our way to the Kim house. Hoseok and Matilda had planned a huge coming back party for me, and from what it sounded like, I was going to meet Tilly’s new boyfriend. 

“Anything I need to know about Max?” I asked.

Andy was almost as in the dark about the guy as I was but was able to tell me he was a tattoo artist from California. The two of them met at Frank’s bookstore and by the end of their conversation Max had managed to get her out to dinner and in his bed. It was a whirlwind romance, one that made me feel uneasy about its foundation, but I was still obligated to be happy for my friend. They could be soulmates for all I knew, and I was not about to judge anybody else for their version of a first date.

“I don’t want to talk about tattoo guy anymore,” Andy whined playfully, turning up the radio when “Good 4 U” came on. “I need to know more about your little boyfriend.”

I groaned, “He’s not my boyfriend.”

This was why I was so adamant Jimin stayed away. We had yet to have a real talk about what we were, choosing to wait for our first date to iron out those details, but no one in my circle seemed to understand. All they heard was the word date and suddenly wedding bells started going off. 

“Stop deflecting. We both know he’s your boyfriend, official or not,” She laughed, stealing looks at her daughter in the rearview. “What’s he like?”

It was a hard question to answer. On the one hand, I felt like I knew him better than anybody else, but I was self aware enough to know I didn’t. His body language, the way he looked when he beat his best time, and all of his preferred gear were seared into my mind. The movies he liked, his favorite albums, and all of the best tv shows ever made. He went to college. He was the sweetest, kindest, most understanding person I had ever met, and yet… he still felt far away. The shadows that oftentimes clouded his vision were still a mystery to me, and when he came into practice with a lost look on his face, I felt helpless. I knew him and yet I didn’t.

“He’s quiet,” I finally landed on. “Very nice. Always willing to help other people out if he can. You’d like him.”

Andrea scoffed, “That’s it? The first guy you’ve dated in years and all you can tell me is I’d like him?”

“We’re still getting to know each other,” I sighed. “What do you want to know?”

We spent the rest of the car ride going over the last two months' worth of pining. I told her about Fiona, Jimin’s family, and all of my new friends. She almost pissed herself laughing when I told her about the night he asked me out, making so many Hoseok and Tilly jokes I had a difficult time focusing on the story. Andrea seemed to be finished with her interrogation when we pulled up at her house. 

Dani ran to the front door, her excitement about the party making any discomfort I had disappear. It was hard to feel uncomfortable with her around. Taking my hand in hers, the little girl shifted her weight from foot to foot, shouting at her mom to hurry up, and opening the front door anyway. Andy told her to calm down, and I just chuckled and went along with it.

The living room was filled with all of my favorite people, a large ‘welcome home’ sign hanging on the large, backwall. Underneath it was a huge table covered in food, a cake in the middle of it, and I had a feeling Sarah made it. Both her and Frank were the first people to notice me, their faces lighting up, and I let go of Dani’s hand in favor of embracing the elderly couple. The rest of the party comers erupted their voices loud and filled with love as they took turns passing me around. 

“Missed you, Otter,” Hoseok murmured in the crook of my neck, hands secured around my waist.

“Missed you more,” I replied, releasing him and catching Tilly. “Jeez, girl. Trying to kill me?”

“Come meet Max,” She replied, dragging me away from Hoseok.

Max was a tall, lanky guy with black hair that fell down his back. His clothes were on the baggier side, all black, and I recognized the band on his t-shirt from the shit Matilda liked to listen to in the car. He smiled at me, and I was surprised to see him rocking adult braces. He introduced himself, his voice deep and warm, and shook my hand. They were baby soft and covered in tattoos. 

“It’s great to see you,” I replied, genuinely meaning it. If I had to picture a guy more perfect for Tilly, I would come up empty handed. “Thanks for coming.”

He flushed, impossibly pale skin turning a bright shade of red reminding me of Jimin. 

“Anything for Mattie,” He replied.

Huh, he had his own nickname for her and everything. I would need to hang out with Max more before I could say if I liked him or not, but so far, I had a good feeling. Andrea’s worries seemed a bit silly now. They really liked each other, and Tilly’s heartbreaking, dimpled smile made me feel more confident in her partner. They would be just fine. 

The party was fun, and I ate more spinach and artichoke dip than was healthy. Hoseok and I talked about my afterschool visit tomorrow. The boys had a swim meet Saturday and the two of us were hoping we could tag team in order to iron out any issues they had been having. I was being placed in charge of the freshmen while Hoseok made sure the other kids were feeling confident and ready for the meet.

"Let's party!" Frank boomed, lifting a beer into the air.

I laughed, "Be careful, old timer. Don't want you to hurt yourself."

I thought of Jimin again. That sounded like something he would say. Surrounded by the people I loved, I laughed hard and partied harder. The plates of food came one right after the other, and I was happy that I still had a place here. Falling back into my step, I fit seamlessly back into the fold.

"Dance with me," Hoseok demanded, tipsy and red-faced.

"It's your toes," I replied, taking his head and letting him take the lead.

The other couples were already dancing and hooped and hollered as I awkwardly followed the steps. I was not always a bad dancer but lost some of my rhythm in the accident. Hoseok never minded and let me step on his feet without a single complaint.

"You look happy," He commented, spinning me around.

I smiled, "I am."

He smiled back, wincing when I stomped down on his toes again. I apologized, but he just held my hand a little tighter and kept moving. I hummed along to the song, filled with joy. He spun me again, and finally let me go when I slammed into Jin.

"Go get some cake or something," He laughed. "You're too dangerous to be out here."

I rolled my eyes, "I tried to tell you. It's your fault you don't listen."

"Don't need you anyway. I have enough swag for the both of us."

I watched, thoroughly amused from the sidelines, as he moon-walked around the living room.

I left just before midnight after staying behind to help Andy and Jin clean up. The others left a few hours before to get back to Denver at a decent time. My house looked the same as always, dark and empty, but I could tell the landscapers had been around. The grass was recently cut and edged.

The silence inside was deafening. I had always known my place was too big for one person, but after spending so much time in my little she-shed at the Andersons’ house, everything here just felt excessive. Tossing my keys in the bowl beside the door, I wiped my eyes and decided to just head to bed. I would only be here for three days. I would be back in Saline before I knew it.

Dragging my body upstairs, this sudden depression-filled fatigue made my shoulders feel ten times heavier. A chilling, almost insidious, hollowness began to spread across my body. I knew this feeling all too well and it made me feel pathetic. Could I not be on my own anymore? Had I really grown that attached to my life in Michigan? Finally getting into my bedroom, I realized that I had.

Saline was perfect. Living in Colorado Springs has always bothered me. The people here held more traditional values and making friends was difficult. I had Andy and Jin, but they were both very busy people. Andrea was a full-time nurse, Jin’s schedule was somehow even more erratic than his wife’s, and when they were off, they wanted to spend time with Dani. I was lucky if I saw them once every two weeks. 

Hoseok, Tilly, and Minho all lived in Denver, and while I saw them more often due to the meetings with Frank and Sarah dragging me into the city, it was not like we hung out every time I was out there. Days would go by with me speaking at all, and most of my weekends were spent in bed sleeping. Working at the school helped, but I would never claim anyone from the swim team to be a friend. I was not in the habit of befriending children.

Living in Saline was different. Jimin was always there to make me laugh, and when he wasn’t, I had people like Taehyung and Sam to keep me company. Giselle was young, but we got along so well I often forgot about the difference in age between the two of us. Megan and Yoongi were Michigan’s own version of Andy and Jin, and I could see myself becoming good friends with them given enough time. No one had kids, no one was too busy trying to keep up with crazy expenses, and I could find a little house away from the rest of the world to spend my life in.

I thought of the Parks, a family who I had come to love more than I thought was possible, and the Andersons who took me in and always tried to make me feel comfortable. Eloise and her kindness. Luna and Cameron. All of them. I loved and adored every single one of them, and it was then that I finally let myself really think about what I wanted.

Did I want to come back here after I was finished with the season? Did I really want this massive house if it meant I had no one to share it with? No, I decided. Stripping out of my clothes, the numbness was being replaced with a different strange feeling. It felt suspiciously like hope. Excitement came to me so rarely it was foreign and odd, but nice all the same. Jittery, I took my phone out of my pants pocket.

“Hello?” Jimin’s voice was scratchy when he finally picked up.

“Sorry,” I muttered. “Did I wake you up?”

“Yes, but it’s okay,” I could hear him shuffling around in his bed. “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah,” I breathed, climbing into bed. Then, without thinking, I blurted, “I think I want to move to Michigan.”

I held my breath as I waited for his response. There was no telling how this conversation would go, but I was hopeful. Even if this whole date thing did not go very well, I was positive that we would be able to move past it with a little bit of time. We worked well together and if he was comfortable with it then we could continue working together. Regardless, there was always coaching at a school.

“Like, permanently?”

I nodded but after a moment of silence remembered he could not see me.

“Yeah.”

My stomach started to churn. As the silence on the other end began to stretch, the excitement I felt before faded. Even if I said Jimin and I could get past a potentially awkward break up of sorts, I would not pretend that the thought did not make me physically ill. We would never be the same if that happened. It would be something to think about if it came to pass before the Olympics was over.

“Did something happen?” He finally asked, and I could hear the genuine worry in his tone. “Are you okay?”

The fear shifted to hurt, irritation, and anger, making my eyebrows knit together.

“I’m fine,” I could not keep the bite from my voice. It was petty and wrong of me, but his insinuation that I was not in my right mind was insulting. It made me feel like a child. “Just- forget I said anything. I don’t know what I’m even talking about.”

“Don’t do that,” His steady calmness made me even angrier. “I’m only asking you because it came out of the blue, not because I’m not happy with the idea.”

Now I just felt silly. Here I was making these small revelations, waking him up from his sleep, and then getting snippy because he did not respond the way I had wanted him to. Ugh, I wasn’t even his girlfriend yet and I’m acting like Darcy. A shiver went down my spine. That was an insult above all others.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured, the attitude from a few seconds before gone as quickly as it came. “I got defensive for no reason. Sorry.”

He chuckled, the sound barely audible over the phone.

“I forgive you. Now, why do you want to pack your life up for good?”

That made me laugh. It was a sad, pitiful sound. One that did not hold my usual spunk. One I don’t think Jimin had ever heard before. It was impossible to feel sad when he was around.

“I forgot how quiet my house is,” I admitted softly. “I love my friends, but I think coming back just reminded me of how easily I was able to fall back into the routine of it all. Jin and Andy are parents, Tilly has a new boyfriend, and Hoseok and Minho are always so busy with their own lives that I don’t see any of them as often as I would like to.”

Turning on my side, I blinked back a few tears.

“It might sound stupid, but I really do love Saline. I like how busy I am and all of my friends. I bought this place with the hopes of kids and a dog one day, but I don’t think that’ll ever happen, and now it’s just rooms collecting dust. I just-” I let a tear fall, my emotions starting to bubble over. “I don’t like how lonely it feels out here.”

“Doesn’t sound like you like it there. Have you always felt like this?” He asked.

I shook my head, the tears free falling in between sniffles and shaky breaths.

“Not always. Ever since Namjoon died things have been weird. There was a point when I felt suffocated because no one would leave me alone, and then one day everything resumed, and I just got left behind. It was like I woke up and two years just passed me by.”

Jimin comforted me while I cried, telling me how much he hated to hear me so upset, while I worked on calming down. There had been a time in my life when I was not so emotional, but therapy had opened up a whole new side of myself I didn't know existed. Rubbing my face, I sniffled and sank deeper into my mattress. For now, the waterworks had stopped.

“You were recovering,” He soothed. “Your body needed time to heal, and you were traumatized. I don’t think anyone can blame you for zoning out for a bit.”

I hummed, “I know. Doesn’t make it easier to swallow.”

“I know how you feel. When I pulled out of the Olympics last time there was a part of me that felt like a huge failure, but my dad was there to help get my head back on straight. He doesn’t seem like it, but he’s a really great shoulder to cry on.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” My voice was like sandpaper. “James is the sweetest person I’ve ever met.”

I felt heavy. Worn. Used. My eyes begged for me to shut them, but we were just getting back into safer waters, and I didn’t want to burst the bubble. I yawned, covering my mouth and hoping Jimin could not hear the sound. He had gone quiet.

“Can I ask you something?” Jimin’s voice broke through the comfortable silence that had formed around us. “You don’t have to say anything.”

“Shoot,” I forced myself to smile.

“What happened to Namjoon?”

I closed my eyes. This was something I knew would come up sooner or later. My lip wobbled uncontrollably as the second wave of tears crashed over me. I hated talking about this, but I knew it was going to come up sooner or later. Jimin deserved the truth, and honestly, I wanted to tell him. Being vulnerable with someone felt good. Being vulnerable with Jimin was divine. He was always so ready and willing to go along with things, listening and watching my every move, and trying his best to understand me. It was refreshing. It was nice. It was familiar.

“Was he in the accident with you?” He asked and his voice was so, so gentle. 

“Yeah,” I croaked, finally finding my voice. “I went out with some of my friends and got pretty drunk. I was tired and ready to go home, but my ride didn’t want to go home yet. So, I called Joon.”

I sucked in a deep, loud breath. Jimin told me I could stop, that I didn’t owe him anything, but I ignored him. This wasn’t about owing him. This was about letting the guy I liked get to know me. This story was a part of who I was, as fucked up as that may sound, and I wanted him to get to know this facet of my life as deeply as he knew the present day one. 

“Anyway,” I continued. “He offered to come and pick me up. Twenty minutes later I’m getting into his car and we’re on our way home. We’d just gotten engaged and bought our first house together- things were perfect. I had never been happier.

“We ended up taking the long way home because of an accident on the interstate. It was my idea, and Namjoon had a knack for going along with whatever I wanted. We were only two minutes away from the house when we got hit.”

I took a few deep breaths and wiped my face. Jimin was quiet on the other end. After a minute or two, I jumped back into the story.

“There was a four-way intersection around the corner from our place. Our light was green when we drove up. I don't think he thought to check if there was another car coming. He never even saw the truck. He, uh, died on impact.”

“Jesus,” Jimin breathed.

“The other guy was drunk as hell behind the wheel. Not paying attention. Funny thing is, he was the only person who didn’t get critically injured. Just a broken arm and a concussion. He wrapped our car around a light pole. My leg was pinned between the car and the light, and the airbag is what caused the brain injury.”

Jimin cursed under his breath, “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry that happened to you.”

“Yeah,” I gritted out. “Me too.”

He let me cry for a little while, saying over and over again how sorry he was and how he wished he was in Colorado with me. I did not have anything to say to him. It felt like my chest had been ripped open and my heart was on full display. 

I never questioned how quickly we went from barely talking, to joking around, to sitting up late at night on the phone talking about life. It just happened. Clutching my phone in my hand, I let out a deep breath and held back any more tears from falling. I never said it, but I wished he was here, too.

“Hey,” His voice was gentle when he spoke, so fragile and sweet, that I had to force down the sobs threatening to come out. “I just want to say I’m sorry for how I reacted earlier. You wanting to move here is probably the best thing I’ve heard all fucking year, but I just didn’t want to sway your decision.”

Sniffling, I tried to tell him I wasn’t upset, but he shut me down almost immediately.

“Let me finish,” His voice did not leave room for argument. “I know I don’t act like I’m insecure, but I am. I can be selfish and self-centered, and I’ve always had to really work on those parts of myself.”

“I don’t understand what that has to do with anything,” I mumbled, curling into a ball beneath my blankets. 

“Like I said, I can be a very selfish person,” He sighed. “There was this part of my brain just wanting to hear you say you were coming here and staying with me for forever. I didn’t want that to take over the narrative. And- no offense, but if you did move all the way out here just to date me, I think I’d be a little creeped out honestly.”

I snorted. Hearing that he felt the need to explain any of that to me felt like a small win, even if it did make an alarm go off in my head. It took courage to be that open and honest with another person, especially someone who just cried their eyes out. His compassion and understanding never failed to amaze me, and I was grateful he trusted me enough to let me into his mind for once. Still, it did not make the creep comment any less funny.

“Don’t laugh,” He whined, unable to stop himself from chuckling. “I’m being serious.”

“So do you want me to be a creepy stalker or not?” I joked, hoping to lighten up the mood. “Make up your mind, kid.”

“I think I just want you to be yourself,” I melted. “That’s been working out just fine so far. I mean, if you are a creepy stalker, you managed to get me to like you.”

“Mission accomplished,” I breathed, still reeling from his sweet words. “You better watch out, 007. There’s a new spy in town.”

“So, I’m Bond and you’re Joe Goldburg?”

“Exactly,” My cheeks hurt from how much I was smiling. “Penn Badgley would be a decent James Bond. He was really great in Margin Call.”

I bit my lip, trying to suppress my smile.

“Holy shit, you actually watched it?”

Margin Call was one of Jimin's favorite movies from 2011. He kept a very large notebook filled with all of the movies he’s ever seen, along with ratings, and if he should ever watch them again. He went through it one day and came across the action film, rewatched it, and then spent most of the day talking my ear off about how great it is. 

“Someone I know was very passionate about it, and it managed to pique my curiosity.”

Jimin sighed, but I could not tell what emotion was behind it. Definitely was not anger or frustration. Not sadness either. 

 “What time are you getting back on Sunday?” He asked, and I could definitely hear the affectionate tone his voice had taken on.

“Um,” I thought about it for a moment. “Six, I think.”

“PM?” 

“Yeah,” I curled up under my blankets. It was beginning to get really cold inside, but I did not want to get up to turn the heat on. “I have to double check my flight times, but I know it’s somewhere around there. Why? What’s up?”

“I know we already made plans for next week, but I was thinking I could pick you up from the airport and we could go out.”

My face grew hot, “I don’t think I’ll be dressed for a date.”

“You always look great,” He assured me.

I laughed, nervous and embarrassed, “Thanks.”

We had originally planned our first date to be the weekend after I got back. Jimin was adamant about giving me an experience, and I had been more than happy to indulge him a little. He was just so cute when he got excited. We were running on a limited timeline right now, though, since he had an upcoming swimming fundraiser with Swim Across America in Allendale. The team was raising money for cancer research, and I was very excited to be there to show my support.

Moving the date up meant we would have less to do next weekend, unless Jimin still wanted to keep our plans in place, but it meant we could focus on the fundraiser instead of trying to juggle a date at the same time. 

“I hate to go, but I’m really tired,” Jimin yawned. Pulling my phone away from my ear I was startled by how late it was. “I’ll text you in the morning, okay?”

I apologized for keeping him up so late. “Promise I won’t do it again.”

He hummed, already beginning to fall asleep, “Don’t mind. You’re always welcome to bother me in the middle of the night.”

“Night Jimin,” I whispered, blood pumping.

“Night bug.”

There was one thing I missed about Colorado- how quickly the snow melted. Michigan was seeing more snow as each day went by, but here in the mountains they would not start seeing the worst of it until the spring. For the first time in a month, I was able to forgo my large, puffy jacket in favor of a long sleeve and jeans. Jimin found my excitement over this endearing, sending a slew of heart-eye emojis in response to the mirror photo I sent him.

It was almost the end of the day when I pulled into the high school parking lot. The entire front office erupted in excitement when I walked through the front doors, hugs and well wishes overwhelming me. Sandra, the receptionist, could have talked all day if I let her, and after signing in, I politely told them all I needed to meet up with Coach Jung. I lied about stopping by on my way out and only felt a little bad about it. They were way too much for me.

“They’re going to be so excited to see you,” Hoseok mumbled, a smile stretching across his face as loud teenage boys got closer and closer to the pool house. 

“I’m happy to see them, too,” I replied. “Should we wait until they change to make the grand reveal?”

He shook his head. “Would you rather hug now or when they’re in speedos.”

I shivered, disgusted by the mental image.

“Thanks for putting that in my head, you sick fuck.”

Choking on his spit, Hoseok bent over, laughing so hard he started to screech. His laughter reminded me of a ghost's wail and was contagious. We were both so wrapped up in our little bubble we did not notice the doors opening.

“Coach?”

Wiping my cheeks, I caught my breath and made eye contact with Jordan. Baby blue eyes widened while a large, dimple smile overtook his face. Behind him, Gabriel announced that I was here, and the room was filled with excitement. I was not much of a hugger, but I was happy to greet each boy with one. Gabriel hadn’t stopped speaking since catching sight of me and had a few accidental slip ups about how much he disliked Coach Jung.

Hoseok had alluded to that being their main issue right now. The boys were having a hard time adjusting to a new face and missed me dearly. To his credit, Hoseok admitted that he was still getting used to the coaching thing and made a couple mistakes his first few days here. He had made it a point to apologize to them for being a dick, but the teens hadn’t forgotten or forgiven him for his snappy attitude. Especially the two oldest.

“When are you coming back?” Marcus asked. 

I smiled sadly, “I’ll be out for the rest of the year.” The tall boy deflated, sending a nasty look Hoseok’s way. “But,” I was quick to fix my mistake, “I’m planning on making trips to assist Coach Jung throughout the year. I wanted to be here for your last meet, but something came up.”

That something had been Jimin’s birthday, and I was not going to risk missing his party.

Regardless, Marcus and the team were very happy to hear they would be seeing me. 

“I promise I’ll be here for graduation, too,” I added.

Gabriel offered to give me one of his tickets and I gratefully accepted the extended offer. We stood there and talked for at least fifteen minutes before I finally told them to get changed and into the water. Without protest, all twelve of them went to the locker room.

“You know,” Hoseok chuckled. “You're going to have to teach me how you manage to do that.”

“Cinnamon buns from Mountain Shadows,” I put on my whistle and grabbed my clipboard from my duffel bag. “They’ll be eating out of your hand in no time.”

The team was glowing. Jordan stood in the middle of the boys, a large smile on his face, as he praised them for giving the meet their best effort. Having another win under their belt, all of them were buzzing with excitement at a chance at nationals. They only needed to win three more competitions to qualify. 

For the first time since I arrived, the icy contempt they held for Hoseok seemed to thaw. It brought a smile to my face. If I did not come back next year, I had a feeling the boys would be getting along much better. 

“What’s for dinner?” Marcus asked, looking at me for an answer.

“Coach said something about burgers,” I replied, gesturing towards Hoseok. “You should ask him though. I could be wrong.”

Gabriel chimed in, “Yeah, we’re going to Bingo.”

My mouth watered. Bingo Burger was one of the best spots in town. Their fries were hot and crispy, and I loved their shakes. Mulling over my options for dinner, I always found myself stuck between the Gone Shroomin’ Burger and the Happy Hippie. For a vegan burger, that thing was really fucking good. Then again, a thick, juicy beef patty smothered in bacon, cheese, and mushrooms would hit the spot. Indecisive and bored, I fiddled around with my phone and somehow ended up texting Jimin.

Me: Gone Shroomin’ or Happy Hippie?

The noise on the bus was just in the background now and easy to tune out. Hoseok was laughing loudly with the freshmen while the two seniors were in a quiet conversation in the seat in front of me. Marcus and his girlfriend broke up recently. I stopped paying attention once my phone vibrated.

Jimin: No idea what that means

Jimin: Gone Shroomin I guess

I bit my lip, suppressing a smile.

Me: We’re going for celebration burgers

Me: The boys won and Hobi is treating them since we’re out in Pueblo and not getting back to the Springs until after dinner.

Jimin: Speaking of food… I was thinking we could get some BBQ on Sunday

“Y/N!” Hoseok called, making me look up from my phone. “Tell your boyfriend you’ll call him later.”

“We need you to be the tiebreaker,” Twig chirped.

“What for?” I sighed, glancing down at my screen.

Jimin: Have you been to Union Rec yet? It’s BBQ and a taqueria

Me: No but I’m always down for a burrito

“Do mermaids have gills?” Twig asked.

Fully pulled out of my phone, I flipped it around and gave the boys my undivided attention. 

“Of course not. They’re mammals, so it would be a blowhole.”

Hoseok clapped his hands, “Thank you! That’s exactly what I said.”

Sliding further down in the booth, I closed my eyes and drowned them out again. Colorado’s air was so dry and crisp I was having to get used to the altitude change. I missed how wet and cold Michigan was. Smiling to myself, I remembered how much I hated it when I first landed. So much has changed…

Shuffling, I made myself more comfortable. We were only thirty minutes out from the Springs now, and we would be at Bingos right on time for Hoseok’s reservations. Feeling myself growing tired, I sunk even further into the booth. Eyes heavy, I let them slip closed, and slept for the rest of the bus ride.

Standing in front of my bathroom mirror, I smoothed down my skirt for the millionth time. The gray sweater I had thrown on seemed too casual now that I was looking at myself, but I did not know what else to do. It was a laundry day, but when I went to put my clothes in the dryer it refused to turn on. Violet said they needed a new one anyway, but that did little to improve my mood. The pretty red dress I wanted to wear was soaking wet and hanging from the shower rod to dry. I played with the skin on my lip, willing the black and gray outfit to somehow look nicer. On the other side of the phone, Andy sighed.

“You look fine,” She insisted, running her hand through her auburn hair. “Do a cute hairstyle and put on a nice pair of earrings, and you’ll be golden.”

“You don’t think it’s too plain?” I had asked her this five times now, and each time I got that same reply. “I mean, do I look like I’m going to a funeral?”

“The guy has seen you in sweats and no makeup and still wanted to take you out. Do you honestly think he cares about the color of your outfit?”

She had a point. Finally deciding to cave in and give up on my obsession, I took her advice to do something with my hair. A few of the strands were beginning to look silver, and my sideburns were looking paler every day, but after Hoseok told me he was starting to see a few grays, I decided to leave them be. If we were both going to be silver foxes, I liked the idea of doing it together.

“Are you wearing heels?”

“No,” I shook my head. I picked my phone up and went to my bedroom to find a pair of earrings. “It’s too icy. Silver or gold?”

She thought about it for a second, her face scrunched up cutely. 

“Silver.”

I landed on some thick, gun-metal hoops. They matched the color of the sweater perfectly and did not take away from my face too much. I had spent too much time on looking this nice to have an accessory dominate. Andy was happy with my choice.

I had gotten back a little earlier than I originally thought I would, and asked Jimin if it was okay that I meant him at the restaurant out here instead of making him drive all the way to Detroit to pick me up. He had put up a bit of a fight about it but relented when I said I was hoping we could hang out at his house after dinner. I said I wanted to get myself home, but I was really trying to see how bad the drive was from his place to mine. The thought of spending more time in his space made me feel like a teenage girl.

“How’s ballet going?” I slipped on a pair of black tights. It was freezing outside, and I wanted to have as many layers on as possible. “Has Dani made any progress in getting her figure skating career started?”

Andrea laughed but said that her daughter was getting closer to her goal every day. Jin was weak and did anything the little girl wanted if he could. This was the only issue they were both bull-headed about. Jin wanted to teach her to be responsible and follow through on things, and Dani was tired of preparing for figure skating. She wanted to be on the ice and her dad was afraid of pushing her too far too young. I was most definitely a team Dani instigator, and it was a point of contention between Seokjin and I.

“What did you think of Max?”

I smiled. That boy was definitely a character. The gang and I had a nice dinner before I left Colorado, and Tilly brought along Mr. Tattoo guy. He was quiet and when he did talk, he always had something completely random and out of the blue to say. He fascinated me and when everyone started huddling in their own groups to chat, I turned most of my attention to the new guy. 

He was a sweetheart, and it was a nice change of pace getting to know him. He hated being called Peter (his first name), went to college for nuclear engineering, and became a tattoo artist on a whim. A buddy of his wanted a new piece, paid Max to draw it, and trusted the guy with a tattoo gun. He was an apprentice in San Francisco for three years before moving to Denver to open up his own shop. For all of his eccentricity, he was very successful and down to Earth.

“He’s good for her,” I finally replied, zipping up my Doc Martens, I checked the time. I would have to leave soon. “I’m just happy there’s no drama between her and Hobi.”

It had been a year since they officially broke up, but I knew they fell into bed with one another a handful of times since then. Hoseok and I had talked about their weird relationship on one too many drunken nights, the swimmer the only person able I liked enough to force a glass of whiskey down. Tilly knew that I knew and would vent to me sometimes. They loved each other, knew one another better than anybody else, and it was easy to fall back into each other since we were in the same circle.

 I doubted Andy knew anything about that, we tried our best to keep her out of the loop, but she always said that they still had lingering feelings. I hoped Hoseok was handling this news well. He seemed fine, happy even, so I just rolled with it. If he had a problem, I was sure I would have heard about it by now.

“Speaking of Hoseok,” The humorous tone in Andy’s voice caught my full attention. “Apparently, Jin saw him at The Rabbit Hole with some blonde girl before you got into town. He just remembered to tell me last night.”

This was news to me. Wracking my brain, I tried to figure out if he had brought up a date, or even a person he might be interested in, but nothing came up. Shrugging, I let it go. It was probably just some girl he picked up at the bar. Still, that would be an expensive date.

“He hasn’t told me anything about that,” I murmured.

“Might be why he’s not bothered by new boyfriend.”

I laughed, “Or it could be that they’ve moved on.”

“Oh, please,” She pulled a face, eyes rolling to the back of her head. “We all know that’s not true. At least, not until recently.”

“Regardless,” I sighed, grabbing my purse and walking out of the front door. “It’s none of our business. If they’re happy that’s all that matters.”

Andy raspberried, “Boo. I hate it when you’re all mature and adult-like.”

“And right,” I joked. “Don’t forget about that part.”

Locking up my little house, I made my way through the Anderson’s. Violet was watching the Golden Girls on the couch while Calvin was reading a book beside her. It was a sweet scene that made me smile. I wanted what they had. 

I gave them a smile and wave as I passed by. Violet returned it in full, her eyes kind and gentle, before going back to her show. Calvin put his book down and asked what time I was planning on coming back. He wanted to keep an eye out for my car.

“Around midnight,” I replied, moving my phone away from my mouth. Andrea was rambling about the new doctor on staff. I trusted her disdain enough to know he was a huge dick. “See you two tomorrow.”

“Be safe out there,” He replied, going back to his copy of The Catcher and the Rye.

Andy and I were on the phone for the entire car ride into Ann Arbor. I enjoyed hearing her voice, the small distraction welcome when I felt my anxiety spike. Thankfully it was a Sunday night, and the streets were somewhat empty.

Once I got into the downtown area, I drowned out her voice completely. Andrea never minded. She just kept talking like I hadn’t stepped out of whatever conversation we were just having. Never got mad when I kept asking her to repeat herself either. She was a wonderful friend to me, and I was grateful to have her in my life. If I moved to Saline, she would be the person I missed the most.

I still hadn’t talked to anyone else about the possibility of moving. I was not sure how they would react, and I needed to have my mind made up before giving any of them the news. While I knew Andy and Jin would be supportive, and Tilly and Minho wouldn’t really care all that much (it just gave them an excuse to vacation in Michigan), it was Hoseok I was most on the fence about.

With him it could go either way. He would either be really happy and supportive or call me crazy. It came from a place of love, and I respected his opinion more than any of the others, so I had to be completely sure of myself before getting into something like that with him. If he thought for a second I was rushing into things he would go into overprotective, big brother mode and kill all of my excitement. He might even be able to change my mind if he fought hard enough. 

Pulling up to the restaurant, I was impressed by the sheer size of it. One half looked like an old warehouse while the other half was a small, white bricked building. A red neon sign glowed in the night and a large party was hanging out outside of the building. I could see Jimin in their little group and smiled. He was a very popular man in this area and was able to make new friends wherever he went. If I had to guess, he knew someone and is now best friends with all of them.

“Hey, I just got to the restaurant. I’m going to let you go.”

“Okay, baby,” Andy replied. “Have fun. Talk to you later.”

“Text you when I get home,” I replied. 

Andy was as hypervigilant about getting texts as I was. She was on staff at the hospital when Namjoon and I first arrived. I can’t remember anything from that night after getting in Joon’s car, but when Jin and I spoke about it he said Andy was one of the nurses having to help triage me. She had to be physically pulled away from my body once the doctors found out about our connection, but the image of my body that night is burned into her mind. She was the person who took care of me the most upon release and quit her job at the hospital for a little while in order to make sure I was well taken care of. Calls and texts were just our thing now and I always felt horrible for being part of such a traumatic event for her.

“Love you,” She said.

“Love you too,” I replied, hanging up.

Getting out of my car, I locked the doors and made my way over to Jimin. He caught sight of me before I reached the small group and broke out into a huge, heart stopping smile. Unable to stop myself, I smiled back and waved awkwardly. He said something to the group before meeting me halfway. 

“Hey, you,” He said, wrapping his arms around me. “You look really pretty.”

I laughed nervously, squeezing his waist. “Thanks. I tried my best.”

Pulling away, I was able to admire him a bit better. He was wearing light jeans tonight, a rarity as he preferred sweatpants and slacks, and a black t-shirt. A leather jacket was a staple in his wardrobe, and he always said they kept him warm enough. I never believed him. As always, everything was a tight fit and showed off his body perfectly. 

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” I said once my appraisal was finished. “Nice boots. Where’d you get them?”

He looked down at the black, Chelsea boots and shrugged, “Nordstrom, I think. Taehyung got them for me a few Christmases ago.”

Of course he did.

“Let’s go inside. I’m cold.”

Jimin laughed, “My apologies, ma’am.”

The restaurant was packed, but Jimin had arrived thirty minutes early to get us on their waitlist, so I only had to wait five minutes for our table to be ready. Jimin brushed off the gesture as first date etiquette, but I knew better. The kid was late to everything and yet he got here early so I wouldn’t have to stand outside in the cold. It almost made me reach out and hold his hand, but my nerves got the best of me. We were at our table before I could gather up some courage, leaving a disappointed, bitter taste in my mouth.

“I’m feeling Disco Fries as an app. You?”

Searching the menu for them, I nodded. “That sounds really good.”

We were quiet for a few minutes as we decided on what we wanted. The menu here was rather large, filled with Mexican foods and copious BBQ items. Having never been here before I had no clue what was good and what hasn’t, but from how many people were here I had to assume nothing was bad.

“Know what you want?” Jimin asked, breaking the silence.

I shook my head, “No idea. What about you?”

“I get the same thing every time I come,” He laughed. “The Korean BBQ Burger is really fucking good. I also like the enchiladas.”

Finding both items, my mouth watered. Everything sounded amazing, but I wanted to get a little out of my comfort zone. I just had burgers yesterday, so I was not feeling that. Maybe BBQ? Looking at the options, I shook my head. I could not eat a half pound of anything. Biting the dry skin on my lips, my brain felt like it was working on overdrive. Too many options.

“Welcome to Union Rec,” I jumped a little, startled. “I’m Annie and I’ll be your server tonight.”

My eyes locked with a pair of baby blues, and I immediately recognized her. She was the brunette from the bar a couple of months ago. Eyes sliding from me, she landed on Jimin and the bored expression on her face morphed into one of pure bliss. I did not understand why she had given me that nasty look back then, but it was much clearer to me now. She had a thing for Jimin. Remembering she had a boyfriend, one she screamed at over the phone, it made me feel nauseous. Poor Tom.

“Oh my gosh, Christian. What are you doing here?” She asked, sneaking a look at me.

“Got a hot date,” He replied cheekily, gesturing his hand my way. “You remember Y/N, right?”

She gave me one of those tight-lipped, fake smiles. I returned the favor. I was not really jealous per say, Jimin’s declaration making any possibility of that disappear, but I did not appreciate anyone trying to make me feel small. I was a gold medalist. I was a fucking Olympian. Whoever the hell this chick thought she was, I would make sure she never thought for a second she got under my skin. 

“Yeah, we met at Brecon’s,” Annie replied, completely ignoring me. “Thought she was your coach.”

Jimin either did not catch the insult or he was choosing to ignore it. His smile was still just as pleasant as it was when we first sat down. I envied his ability to keep his emotions so controlled. I knew I must have been glaring at the poor girl.

“She is,” He shrugged. “Doesn’t mean she’s not my girlfriend. Are you taking our order or…?”

Annie spluttered for a second before regaining her composure. All affection in her eyes was gone and replaced by irritation. It was definitely directed at me, but Jimin’s dismissal must have stung. I was happy to be rid of her. Putting in our order for Disco fries, Jimin got a Sprite and Annie left before I could ask for a drink. Sipping on my complimentary water, I forced myself to breathe in and out. She was just a petty, annoyed girl with a crush. That was all. So, what if she was being rude? I was fine. Everything was fine. After the fifth sip, I actually believed it.

Trying to keep my tongue in check, I went back to looking through the menu. Finally able to make a choice, I decided on the birria beef ramen and closed the menu. Hopefully little miss Annie wouldn’t spit in it. Hot again, I took another long sip of water.

“Excuse me.”

Jimin flagged down another waiter, a pleasant smile on his face. Confused, I put down the glass and raised an eyebrow. He winked at me before laying the charm on thick. 

“Hey Marty. Would you mind if we got a different server?”

The young girl nodded frantically, “Of course. Is everything okay?”

Jimin smiled, eyes like crescents. “Everything is fine. Just Annie on her bullshit. Don’t want to get her fired by talking to your dad.”

Marty rolled her eyes, “Figures. I’ll tell her I’m taking care of you guys. Just don’t expect me to be running around for you, man. I have an entire section by myself.”

“I want privacy anyway,” Jimin replied, smirking at me. “Thanks. I’ll tip you well.”

She laughed, “Just make sure you put it in my hand. That bitch has been stealing tips. Cosette is trying to convince pops to fire her, but you know how he is about the girl.”

Jimin shook his head, “I already know. Can you get my girl a drink? Annie ran off without taking her order.”

Marty looked at me, her deadpan stare making me burst into laughter. Apparently, it wasn’t just me. That helped. 

“Sorry about her. She’s a massive bitch. What can I get you?”

I smiled, my mood a million times better, “Iced tea, please.”

“You got it, babe. You ready to order?”

Marty took our orders and promised to be back with my drink soon. 

“How do you two know each other?” I asked Jimin, finishing off my water.

“We were in the same class back in high school. Her mom owns that flower shop on Michigan Avenue.”

That was surprising. I was positive the girl was no older than eighteen. She reminded me of a porcelain doll, her chubby cheek and big eyes adding something angelic to her overall look. Then again, Jimin did not look all that old either. It was easy to forget he just turned 24. The age gap was really messing with my brain.

Annie was back with Jimin’s drink a few minutes later. She said nothing when she practically slammed his cup on the table before stalking off. It was then that I knew who she reminded me of. Darcy. I wondered if they were friends. Definitely had the same attitude problem, that was for sure.

“Ignore her,” Jimin told me once she was out of earshot. “I’ve been doing it since middle school.”

The rest of our dinner went back without a hitch. With Annie out of the way, and Marty’s small and infrequent check-in’s, we were able to be in a bubble of sorts. He asked about my trip back home and filled me in on what happened over the weekend. He had finally told his parents about our date and said that his mom thought it was a great idea. James called me perfect a few times, too. I had a hard time believing it, but Jimin had never lied to me before. It was nice to know the people around him accepted me even if I was a few years older.

“My mom’s 9 years older than my dad,” He revealed in between bites of food.

Shocked, I stopped eating all together. I had no idea they were that different in age. Ne-Yeon looked so youthful and pretty it was hard to guess just how old she actually was. Even fighting cancer, that woman did not look a day over 40. James was also in great shape for his age. To hear they had their own age gap made me feel a little bit better. 

“Wait,” Something else occurred to me. “Your mom was in her forties when she had you?”

Jimin nodded, “45. She had Haru at 48.”

It made sense to me now. To Jimin, our age gap was nothing special. It was smaller than his parents’, and having an older mother did not bother him at all. In his eyes, we had all of the time in the world for marriage and kids. A small weight came off of my shoulders. It really did not mean anything to him. He was not just saying that to make me feel better either. 

“Do you want dessert?” He asked, his plate empty in front of him. 

I was almost done with my bowl, “What do they have?”

He squinted his eyes, thinking.

“I know they have this horchata banana pudding. It’s literally the best dessert I’ve ever had in my life. There are a few other things, but I can’t remember what they are.”

I chuckled, “Then we’ll have the banana pudding.”

Jimin was not exaggerating either. The pudding was delicious. I almost wished we had each gotten our own serving, but after seeing the bill we were happy we hadn’t. Jimin paid this time. We had a back-and-forth deal when it came to meals. I got us breakfast last Wednesday, so he was picking up this bill. This was, unfortunately, much higher than Denny’s.

“I’ll put gas in your truck,” I offered on our way out. “To make up for the difference from Denny’s.”

He scoffed, “Don’t worry about it.”

“But-”

“We’re together now,” He interrupted me. “If I want to pay for a meal, then I will. You don’t have to pay me back.”

“We’ve always done that,” I argued.

“That was before,” He countered, walking me to my car door and opening it. “This is now. And right now, I’m trying to take a pretty girl, in a pretty dress, on a nice date. That includes paying for her meal.”

Getting into my seat, I pointed out that I let him do the gentleman thing all of the time. Opening my door for me, pulling chairs out at restaurants, and even walking on the curbside when we were out together. The list was endless. The least I could do was pay for half of a meal.

“I don’t do those things to get on your good side,” Jimin replied. “I do them because I want to. This isn’t transactional. So, stop worrying about being a burden. I enjoy taking care of you. You deserve to be taken care of.”

I could not think of a good enough comeback, so I just decided to drop it. If he wanted to pay for me then he could. It was his money to spend. 

“Send me your address.”

“You still want to come over?” He seemed surprised.

“Yeah,” I nodded, already pulling up the GPS. “What is it?”

He sounded like Charlie when he won the golden ticket as he gave me his address. 

“Don’t get too excited now,” I joked. “Just because I’m coming over doesn’t mean anything.”

Jimin laughed, “I pretend I don’t even know what sex is until after date three, so don’t worry about it.”

That made me laugh, “Get in your truck. I’ll meet you there.”

Looking back at him, I felt giddy. His eyes were so alight, his joy written so clearly across his face it took my breath away. A happy Jimin was the only kind I wanted to see. Blowing caution to the wind, I finally reached out. Touching his stomach, I felt the muscles clench beneath my fingers.

“Thank you,” I said earnestly.

“What for?” He rasped, placing one hand over mine, pressing my hand further into his skin. 

“For-” I broke off, taking my hand away. The feeling of him underneath me was too much. “For being so accommodating. I really appreciate it.”

He laughed, the sound strained and airy. I was too embarrassed by my actions to look at his face, but I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my eyes. Unlike me, Jimin was always brave. Hopefully some of that confidence would rub off on me. Maybe then I could reach out and hold him whenever I wanted to. 

“You’re welcome,” He replied, and my thighs clenched together at how rough he sounded. Did touching him do that? Or was it the praise? It could be both. “Drive safe, okay? You can follow me if that helps.”

I nodded, swallowing. The icy air outside did nothing to put out the blistering heat coursing between us right now. It was overwhelming how hot it was. Turning up my A/C, I pointed the vent directly at my face.

“See you in a few minutes,” I breathed, still unable to look at him.

Jimin closed my door, and I leaned back in my seat breathing heavily. I watched him as he rounded the front of my car, those pants sticking to his legs like a second skin and groaned. I had never felt this level of desire for anyone before. 

He reminded me so much of Namjoon. His beautiful brain and love for music and poetry so reminiscent it managed to bring me back to happier times. In the beginning I was afraid my attraction to him stemmed from that link. Because he reminded me of something I had loved so dearly that meant what I was beginning to feel was just a projection.

I was wrong. So unbelievably wrong. Jimin had a passion that Joon could never replicate. If Joon was a warm blanket, then Jimin was like the tide in the sea. On the surface it was calm, steady, and beautiful. Underneath that was life like nothing I had ever seen before. He was refreshing and filled with this fire for life that reminded me of my own from years ago.

Namjoon was perfect, a boy-next-door, and soft spoken. Back then I had enough of that passion for the both of us. Now I saw more and more parallels between us than ever before. I was uncertain, waiting for someone else to bring excitement back into my life, too afraid to reach out and take what I wanted anymore.

And then Jimin was there with that big smile willing to take me on whatever adventure I desired. All I had to do was ask. It was exhilarating, fun, and I was happy to be a part of the ride. His softness, his kindness, his understanding- all of it wrapped up in a pretty red bow. A gift that kept on giving.

I did not love Jimin, but I knew then that I could. With his sharp tongue and charisma, it was impossible not to. Everyone else did. Who was I to think I could be any different? I was a slave to his happiness. It was in that moment, sitting in my car, that I finally understood what was happening.

I was falling in love and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Taglist: @ownthesunshine @screamertannie @lovelytaes-blog @pernesianparapio @tae-with-some-suga @sumzysworld @chimmisbae

© chimcess, 2024. Do not copy or repost without permission.

[itsabouttimex2]

Sooooo... How do you feel about the season 5?

In short? Mid. 6-6.5/10.

In long…?

A severely rushed season that bit off way more than it could chew. A season that had the characters pull powers from their asses more frequently than ever before. A season that had shitty “dramatic” moments for the sake of having dramatic moments. A season that lampshades issues instead of fixing them. A season with so, so much wasted potential.

It basically boils down: everything they wanted to do COULD have been good, but they just didn’t have the time.

I’ll go into some varied details below. I’d also like to make clear- I’ll be tagging all of my Season Five Posts with “Lego Monkie Kid Season 5” and “LMK Spoilers” until August 1st. Then the gloves are coming off and I’ll stop tagging them.

(I still liked the season, for what it’s worth- and you can watch it in full here! I’ve got some drafts and bots cooking as we speak!)

This was a cute send-off to Flying Bark! It was nice of them to acknowledge, in some way, everything that those dears did for the show- because Lego Monkie Kid would NOT be where it is without them.

Significantly less cute-

The absolute kick in the fucking face that constantly superimposing old footage over newer, worse footage is.

You don’t want us to be constantly reminded of the animation downgrade- that’s the literal last thing that anyone wants. Why would you constantly remind us that it used to be better?

What the fuck does this accomplish? Okay, let’s make comparisons, cause that’s the only thing that can result from pulling this shit-

This is what happens when you constantly reference the older, superior content.

PEOPLE CONSTANTLY NOTICE THAT YOUR CONTENT IS WORSE.

Also, why is it so saturated? How do you make a Lego Minifigure look like he has jaundice?

It’s just a bad look to constantly reference content you can’t live up to. I’m hoping they’ll just recreate old content instead of sloppily pasting it into the background of the show- it’ll be less jarring.

Alright, what else…

———

Uh, I fucking called it! Nuwa is not MK’s “loving though bereft mommy”! Which I had been guessing ever since the Celestial Pagoda leaked, actually-

I mean, come on. He’s literally stealing the stones away from her as she reaches to take them back.

And the Season confirmed it! Nuwa might’ve be been MK’s creator, but she certainly wasn’t his momma.

And you know how the series subtlety clues you in to how little she cares about her “son”?

Nuwa didn’t give him a name. She had hundreds, maybe thousands of years to think on it- but no. No name.

We mortals name our pets, our vehicles, our art. We love them enough to bestow monikers.

Nuwa didn’t even bother to name her own sapient mortal creation.

But when he makes a move against her, does something she doesn’t want, takes destiny into his own hands?

She calls out to him with one word- not “son”. Not “MK”.

Nuwa angrily calls him “mortal”.

Becuase that’s all he ever was to her, really. A mortal pawn. A handmade puppet.

Someone designed to fulfill a sacrifice. Even though her intentions were good, MK’s sole purpose by her hand was to shoulder the weight of the world like a good little hero.

So… a potential villain in the making?

———

Lampshading the fact that you’re doing the “macguffin hunt” again does not excuse doing the “macguffin hunt” again.

Lampshading the “apocalypse after apocalypse” plots doesn’t make them any less exhausting.

Lampshading Macaque’s lack of punishment does not undo the awkward and weak redemption arc.

———

They changed Mei “no longer wielding” the Samadhi fire, I guess.

Ignore that she never displayed a hint of concern or sorrow over “losing it” because now she’s sad and worried (after backlash from the fans over her losing it) about losing it.

Like, Subodhi knows so much about the world and the universe that he’s aware of his existence in the ink scroll- but he gets Mei not having an interplanetary level threat inside her wrong?

I smell a retcon.

———

Macaque’s redemption arc is still shit. I’ve got a whole rant queued to release soon, actually- I imagine it might be the final time I comment on his arc until Season Six.

To put it short- Macaque still falls upwards into redemption. No pushback or difficulty or introspection. He’s just a magically better person without any onscreen development to make the change believable.

But they reference this at one point?

Sun Wukong points out that Macaque escapes the trial without any punishment, and is just allowed to mope in place of an actual consequence.

So maaaaaayybeeeee they’ll do something in Season Six? I’ve lost all faith that he’ll ever be an interesting character again, though.

He’s essentially just “brooding rival #80058”. Instead of being a character that calls back to Seasons 1-3, from 4 onwards he’s just a brand new dude who totally didn’t commit any atrocities with a smile on his face- and he’s a worse and more boring character for it.

———

If I haven’t misjudged the intent, I think Monkie Kid will be going back to being an episodic series for the extent of Season Six. Again, they lampshade the “apocalypse after apocalypse” thing, yeah?

And now they have a perfect formula- find someone who’s having trouble with their new power, and help them.

And we might see Bai He again???

Let’s hope for a good breather season!

———

Rest in piss Li Jing their asses did NOT cook with you sorry papa

You could’ve been interesting in the writers didn’t try to pull a “loving father” bait and switch after you got like four scenes of being a raw jackass

If they were going to deviate from the source material and make you a good dad couldn’t it have just been:

“Li Jing, you were not invited to the trial!”

“STF that monkey son of a bitch hurt my baby boy-“

“Father I’m 300-“

“Hush son, let daddy take care of this- that monkey son of a bitch hurt my baby boy when he stole the Samadhi fire map!”

Maybe next season you’ll get to be interesting, hun.

(I’m still writing for Lotusfam though)

———

Drama for the sake of drama. 0/10 scene. Could’ve just had the interruption come AFTER they held hands, but no. Gotta drag shit out for the shippers or whatever. There was no reason to prolong this reunion.

I’m really not a fan of the “just wait another season for it”, mentality. Stop stretching shit out. You had a chance to do something sweet and heartwarming, and chose not to for the sake of trying to drag a conclusion out.

Ugh.

———

Characters just pull powers out of their ass for the sake of forcing dramatic scenes.

THESE ARE DOGSHIT SCENES

THIS MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE. THIS IS DONE SOLELY FOR THE SALE OF “MUH DRAMATIC FINALE” AND IS BAD

ITS BAD WRITING TO HAVE CHARACTERS PULL NEW MAGICAL POWERS OUT OF THEIR ASSES FOR THE SAKE OF DRAMA

IF WUKONG HAD THIS POWER FROM THE START HE SHOULD’VE USED IT AGAINST HIS FUCKING LETHAL ENEMIES AND NOT SAVED IT FOR HIS PRECIOUS STUDENT

MK NEVER LEARNED TO USE THE FILLET SPELL. THE WRITERS PULLED IT OUT OF THEIR ASS TO FORCE DRAMA BY HAVING MK TORTURE HIS MENTOR LONGER THAN EVEN THEIR ACTING ENEMY LI JING DID WITH A CIRCLET THAT IS CANONICALLY TIGHTER THAN HIS FIRST

WE SEE HOW FAST HE IS WHEN HE FIGHTS THE AZURE LION

MK CAN MOVE FASTER THAN WUKONG

HE COULD’VE BEATEN HIM THERE IN AN EQUALLY CLIMATIC RACE

I FEEL NOTHING WHEN I WATCH THIS BECAUSE IT IS FORCED DRAMA FOR THE SAKE OF DRAMA

—————————————————

💚💚💚

[scoops-aboy86]

If You Were Serious (Secret Admirer pt 7)

Okay, so there will be more than seven chapters. For now, please enjoy Steve on painkillers and creative mix tape shenanigans.

(The crossed out thing after the first "Dear" is the first line of an E.)

wc: 3226 / rated: T / set end of/after season 3 / also on ao3

Dear I

Dear Secret Amdirer,

Sorry, painkillers kicking in. I got pretty banged up in the mall, in the fire. Well, less the fire and more getting hit by stuff. Mall fell down. I have ribs and eye and nose, and concussion this time so I had to stay over at Robin’s because someone had to keep an eye on me sleeping and my parents are still out of town. Dustin said I won at upper body injury bingo but I didn’t even know I was playing, that sounds like really a shitty game. 

Anyway, I haven’t been home so I don’t know if you tried to call. If you did, don’t worry!!! I’m not mad. I don’t not like you anymore just because you’re you. And this isn’t the durg drugs talking because I read your letter first before they kicked in, but I have to write this ASAP so it can get to you faster. 

You could’ve called back that night but if you needed some time to breathe I get it, it’s cool. And I kinda had a feeling after that you might be a guy? Like, shit, man, they’d eat you alive in this town. Not me, I learned my lesson after Jonathan wrecked my face after I called him and his family some bad things. I deserved that. Kinda funny how the next year he stole my girlfriend and now I like you. If you could still be interested in somebody who used to be like that. 

I know I like you because when you hung up I was really worried, you sounded like you were breathing really fast, maybe a panic attack? I have those after nightmares now. Robin too. (Don’t worry, we bonded and she’s like my sister now, she says we’re playdoh soulmates

“Oh my god, I knew explaining who Plato was was a bad idea. It’s platonic, Steve, not Play-Doh.”

“Stop reading over my shoulder! … How do you spell that?”

“P-L-A-T-O-N-I-C.”

“Thanks Robbie.”

she says we’re playdoh soulmates platonic soulmates.) I was worried about you and thought maybe you might be a guy but, that wasn’t as important as wanting you to be okay, you know? You still wrote me all those nice letters. You’ve made me feel really good about myself, why does it have to be different just because you’re not a girl? I can’t tell you why Robin knows about this stuff but she says I might be bysix bisexual. Not sure why I need a big fancy word for it when I didn’t have one for liking girls, I just know I care about you a lot and want you to like me. 

And you’re not a coward, you’re very very brave. You reached out first, you went for what you wanted even when I didn’t get it and tried to ask for too much too soon. And then you kept coming back to try again, even though I kept doing that. That’s so brave. 

I’m not feeling so awake anymore so I’m going to stop and have Robin mail this for me. (No way am I going out dressed like this. Her dad wears grandpa shorts dude, it’s pretty bad.) I’ll write more when I’m feeling better. Are you okay? Hope you weren’t anywhere near the mall the other night. Thanks for the rainbow song I will look for it.

Love Steve 

~

Once Eddie is done reading, he screams into his pillow for a different reason. Several, actually. 

First, he’s been so sure for the past week or so that he would never hear from Steve ever again. The only reason he’d checked his mail today was because he should have another zine coming in soon. He didn’t, but there was a yellow envelope with familiar, if slightly messier than usual handwriting on it. And inside that, stationary with colorful geometric shapes along the edges that Eddie now surmises is Robin’s. 

Second, Steve isn’t even writing to tell him to fuck off right to hell. Because yes, Eddie had heard the rumors about Steve calling Jonathan Byers a queer. The irony does send a seam of semi-hysterical laughter through his screams. It’s fine. It’s fine!

Third, Steve hasn’t been avoiding his calls. He just hasn’t been home. He’s hurt, and it sounds like his head and torso took quite a beating. Eddie remembers seeing him around school both times after the other concussions and that had looked bad enough, and that had just been his face. This sounds worse. 

Fourth, Steve is… still interested? Has talked to someone about this and might be bisexual?! Eddie’s never had anyone talk to someone else about him, has always been completely anonymous with a possible option of becoming a dirty little secret. And then the letter ends with ‘Love Steve.’ Love? Love Steve?!

Fifth, Robin knows he sent Steve that ice cream. Eddie doesn’t know what all “platonic soulmates” entails, but what if she tells him? What if she already has?!

Sixth, despite being injured, and having panic attacks apparently, Steve is still asking if he is okay. 

Seventh, beneath his name Steve had also doodled a lopsided happy face with what he can only guess is an ice pack balanced on top. Or… maybe it’s hair. Or some kind of hat. 

Any of these would be enough to make his head spin on their own, but it’s all happening at once and he doesn’t know what to do. So he screams into his pillow for a while longer, kicking his feet for good measure. 

He wants to rush out and find Steve, wherever he is. Wants to call him, but doesn’t know what he would say even if he did know the number to reach him right now. What he could say. Wants to wrap both arms around him and kiss his poor head better. Hell, if he’s turned Steve gay he doesn’t just want, he deserves to make that guy the little spoon for the first time in his life probably and just. Hold him. 

Except… he’s not sure he’s ready for face to face yet. He will be! Soon. Once all the emotions bubbling in his chest have settled a little. And after he’s pinched himself a few million more times just to make sure. But until then…

A thought occurs to him, and Eddie rolls over to frown consideringly up at the ceiling. He’s sent Steve words to comfort and reassure him before, right? Maybe there’s something else he can send, a different way of offering a part of himself to Steve until he works up the nerve to face him for real. 

It’s just going to take him a little time, and some recording equipment. 

~

Dearest Steve,

I hope this address is still okay to write to you while you stay with your friend, but I don’t know where she lives. 

You have no idea 

Holy shit man. Holy shit. Are you serious? No, strike that, you’ve been nothing but genuine in these letters and I trust you, I do. Holy shit though. It’s you. Clearly I never thought I’d actually have a chance, from the way I approached this whole thing, so you must forgive me for how utterly poleaxed, completely flabbergasted, and genuinely gobsmacked I am. 

And shit, I’m still sorry for hanging up on you. That golden years line—and this heavy secret of the most basic fact of who I am weighing on my shoulders, pressing down so hard I couldn’t breathe. I wish I’d just said something. But you’re right, I needed… space? And a push, to work up to writing the last letter I sent you. I got yours the day I put that in the mail, by the way, and that spun me even more because what if you read mine and took it all back?

But you didn’t. You didn’t, sweetheart. I’m still reeling in the best possible way. Again, axed like a pole, flabbers gasted, and gob thoroughly smacked.

Enough about me. More than enough about me. You’re concussed; I ought to wrap that gorgeous head of yours in bubble wrap and offer to fight all your battles henceforth, even against falling buildings. I’m glad you have someone out there who’s looking out for you though. I guess… you’ve told Robin about some things? Maybe these letters? Which is absolutely fine, by the way. It’s great! Fuck knows it wouldn’t have occurred to me to explain what bisexuality is, since I hardly dared to dream so big and only swing the one way myself. You’re an amazingly open-minded person by the way, Steve; I hope you know how rare that is, especially in a place like Hawkins. And Robin too, apparently. Please give her my highest regards, she is an angel among mortals and an inadvertent champion of this sad wet rag of a human being (me). 

At any rate, wishing you the speediest of recoveries and I hope you’re already feeling at least a little better. My condolences on the grandpa shorts, although personally I’m convinced you could wear a trash bag and still look like an Adonis. 

It’s taken me a little longer than I’d like to send this because I made something for you. Enclosed is a tape with some of the songs from our call that you said you liked, played acoustically by yours truly. Rainbow In The Dark is one of them. You mentioned having nightmares, and whenever I had bad dreams as a kid my mom would play for me until I calmed down. She’d hum instead of doing the words, to make it more like a lullaby. I hope it’s at least a decent distraction, sweetheart. 

Let me know if you like it? I can make one of your favorite songs too, just you let me know what they are. In the meantime, I remain, as always—

Your Secret Admirer

~

“You should tell him that you know,” Robin whispers, at some point during the fourth night in a row they’ve ended up crashed on the same bed listening to the Anti-Panic Attack Metal Mix. 

Her dad sleeps like the dead and her mom sleeps with earplugs in because he snores, so they get away with it, but Steve always insists on laying on top of the covers anyway. The friendship is still new, for all that they’re trauma bonded, and he wants to make sure she knows he’s not getting any funny ideas, that he gets the whole lesbian thing, that even though he’s new to being into a dude he’s committed to it and not wishy-washy or greedy or whatever.

He fiddles with a loose string on the blanket for a minute before answering. “No… I don’t want to freak him out again. It’s all going to be on his terms from here on out, no more pushing.”

“Well you’ve got to do something. Come on Steve, I’m invested now. Ask to meet him.”

He rolls his eyes. “What did I just say?” 

Immediately he gives an inward wince, because that came out bitchy. But Robin just snorts and murmurs “Fine,” sounding amused rather than offended, so he relaxes. 

They exist in silence for a while, side by side. Just close enough to not feel alone, drifting on the soft notes and low, rich hum. It’s soothing. 

“What if,” Robin starts, and ignores Steve’s huff. “What if you go somewhere you know he might show, and then give him the opportunity to talk to you?”

“Oh yeah,” he scoffs, “like what?”

“Summer house party.” Her whisper picks up a little in excitement as she warms to her own idea. “I bet we can find one that’s coming up soon. Everyone knows that Munson sells, it’s one of those never invited but always welcome things. Then if he doesn’t come to you, just buy some weed and see if he says anything.”

“No,” Steve whispers back. 

She rolls over to squint at him in the dark. “Just think about it, okay? You wouldn’t be forcing him to do anything, just… providing an opportunity. Come on, Stevie-evie, this is my chance to see a gay love story go right.”

“Vetoing that nickname.” With a sigh, he rolls onto his side too, facing her. “My face still looks like raw hamburger meat, Robs. I have like zero charm right now.”

The swelling has gone down, at least to where he can open his eye again but the bruising remains spectacular. It looks like a sunset exploded across the side of his face, and not in a good way. 

Robin rolls her eyes. “You’re more than just your face, dingus. It wasn’t your rugged jawline, sculpted cheekbones, or pimple-free forehead that wrote those letters, it was you. Steve.”

He goes to wrinkle his nose at the descriptions, but quickly remembers that’s still a bad idea with a swallowed grunt. “Please, never describe me again.”

“I make no promises. And anyway, if you’re willing to try makeup I think we could get most of it covered so no one’ll ever notice. Not at night, anyway.”

That gives him pause. He rolls onto his back again to think about it, staring up at the ceiling of Robin’s bedroom and tracing imaginary constellation lines between the glow in the dark stars she has up there. Beside him, he feels her settling on her back too without having to look. 

It’s not like when he’d found a little brother in Dustin—who has visited pretty much every day during Steve’s convalescence, sometimes with Erica or Mike, Lucas, and Max in tow, spouting off things he’s read in books about the various still-healing injuries. As annoying as it is, Steve appreciates that the little dork took the time to study what’s wrong with him enough to provide armchair diagnoses and give him advice about things that he already knows. 

Robin is… more of a twin than a sister. (Which, yeah, twin sister, whatever. That’s not the point.) They’re on the same wavelength in a way he’s never experienced before, not with Tommy or Carol or even Nancy. The closest thing Steve has ever had to this was during basketball games, in the heat of a play where everyone on the team knew where everyone was and where they’d be and how to work together as a unit, perfectly in sync. Only with Robin, it’s all the time. Sometimes they can even finish each other’s sentences—though they try not to do that around her parents, in the interest of not wanting them to think they’re a couple. 

They’re more like a pair of bonded kittens at the pound, Robin says. Must be adopted together. (“Okay, but why can’t we be dogs? Dogs are cooler.” “Because, dingus, you have a one-hundred-and-twenty-seven step hair and skin routine and you’re incredibly aloof when you want to be. I could go either way, but you’re one hundred percent cat.”)

“Maybe,” he whispers finally. 

He’s not sure she’s still awake—he’s not sure he’s still awake, with the soothing music lulling him back to a calm he hadn’t felt even before he’d gone to bed the first time. But he wants to think she hears it, just like he wants to think that he’ll run into Eddie and find out what it’s like to hold his hand, maybe even kiss him, all in the same night. He’s worn lip gloss, he can deal with a little makeup. 

“Maybe I’ll go.”

~

Dear Secret Admirer,

Thank you for the tape, it’s perfect. It helps me get back to sleep because it feels like you’re there, watching over me. Like nothing bad can happen. Sometimes the nightmares still come back after but I think it’s getting better. It takes a while, you know? Last time, after the after Billy after my last concussion it took a while to stop having bad dreams. I guess the mind needs time to heal too, even if the stuff that happens to it isn’t as “real” as breaking a nose or a rib. Who knew?

I really am serious, yeah. Even though I’m me. Whatever that means. I don’t really know what to do with myself or what I want right now. (Except you. Kind of cheesy, but maybe you like that about me? I guess it’s something I always tried to hide before because the guys would’ve made fun of me, fuck knows Tommy did all of junior year, but I kind of like the idea that maybe you saw it anyway.) Once my face heals up me and Robin are going to try and get jobs together somewhere else because we’re cats that have to stick together or we’ll get stressed out and claw all the furniture. Other than that I don’t know what I want to do except leave Hawkins someday. But stick around to make sure it’s to see the kids graduate. Dustin’s starting high school in the fall, maybe you could keep an eye out for him? Curly hair, no collarbones, ego bigger than the whole state, total nerd but in a good way, even if he’s sometimes a butthead about it. He plays that game with dragons and those weird looking dice, do you know it? Him and his friends Mike and Lucas are kind of bully magnets. (Max is starting freshman year too but she can take care of herself in that department.) They’ve all been pretty down after the mall and with Will and moving away and everything. Erica, Lucas’ little sister, I guess I’m her “babysitter” now too, is still in middle school but I don’t know if she’d be glad or insulted if I waited around to see her graduate. She can take care of herself too. She and Dustin were with us for most of the Starcourt burning down and it was a lot, but kids are resilient. I don’t think she gets nightmares, not that she would ever admit to anyone if she did even though in her own words “we’ve bled together.” She’s getting into the nerdy dice game too and is planning her campaign for President of the USA as soon as she turns, what, 40? 50? Whatever age you have to be before you can do that. I’ll probably still be in a town like Hawkins with another lame retail job by then, but she’s got my vote. She’d do a hell of a lot better job than Regan, that’s for sure. 

Is your mom My mom never sang to

Also, you are really good at guitar, man. I still think about your hands, I bet you have long fingers. Really… What’s a word for ‘good with his fingers’? I think about that sometimes. I don’t really know what kind of stuff two guys can do together except the obvious but I think about that a lot. I want you to play me like your guitar. I’d let you fight my battles too, at least until my ribs get back to normal and then we can both fight both of our battles. You know I’d do that for you, right? If you ever need me. I really like these letters. I really like you.

Love, Steve

P.S. If you were serious about making me another tape (which you really don’t have to, this was already going above and beyond), my favorite songs are…

Tag list (and if you missed the earlier chapters check the "#secret admirer steddie" tag on my blog): @hotluncheddie @lawrencebshoggoth @sofadofax @tangerinesteve @steviewashere

@cryingglightningg @theresebelivett @sleepy-steve @rozzieroos @lunaraindrop

@just-my-latest-hyperfixation @wheneverfeasible @swimmingbirdrunningrock @yesdangerpls @matchingbatbites

@ihavekidneys @p0lybl4nkk @grtwdsmwhr @cheesedoctor @whalesharksart

@thetinymm @envyadams-vs-me @practicallybegging @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @dauntlessdiva

@nerdyglassescheeseychick @fuzzyduxk @chaosgremlinmunson @greatwerewolfbeliever @goosesister

@dolphincliffs @friendlyneighborhoodgaycousin @beckkthewreck @pitrsattabhaadmeinjao @kurofuckingshi16

@bookworm0690 @millseyes-world @live-laugh-love-dietrich @the-tenth-mus-e

[haveateadude]

bleak horizons iii.

summary *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ opening up it's not easy, isn't it?

warnings *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ depression, self-harm mention, and disordered eating (not explicitly mentioned but you can clearly see it's there)

author notes *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ helloooo welcome to part 3!!!!!! i think this might be the last part (if u have an idea on how this can continue feel free to tell me. u can send a request or just leave the idea in the comments). also just saying, this stuff is based on MY issues and experiences with mental health, so this might not be truthful to everyone. my insta is @/starsfinder_ if anyone wants to vent or just talk :))

remember you're not alone if you're going through a shitty moment, trust me!! ik everyone says to ask for help, and even if that's soo fucking true i know some people are not listened (even if that's literally a fucking RIGHT). so, as i said, you can dm me <33 take care of yourselves pleaseee. can't stress enough how much i want y'all to know you're not alone. hi. hello. i care!!!!!!!! and i'm here!!!!!! so please listen to me when i say everything's going to be alright :)) i love youuuuuu

also, sorry for any mistakes. i'm sooo tired rn lmao

pt1 — pt2 — pt3

I told you a lie, désolé, mon amour

I'm trying my best, don't know what's in store

The next week, I stepped out of therapy crying. I got into the car, slamming the door.

“Hey,” Ellie says softly, looking at me with her hands resting on the wheel, her gaze full of worry. “You okay?”

“Drive.”

“But—”

“Just drive.”

“Okay.”

Ellie starts driving. I wipe my tears, feeling overwhelmed. My mother had called yesterday and made me feel like shit. I wasn't doing my best at school. Ellie and I hadn't gone out since Christmas. So basically, everything was shit. I've also had urges to relapse, and they're just not going away.

I cry. Ellie drives. This is okay. It's okay. Except that it's not, and I haven't told my therapist anything about myself yet. My mother hasn't spoken to me in weeks, and my father sent a cat video on WhatsApp this morning. And Ellie’s knuckles are turning white from how hard she’s gripping the wheel, which makes my heart ache because I know she cares. It makes me want to tell her everything, but the words are stuck in my throat, and I can't seem to get them out.

We arrive at the apartment a couple of minutes later. Ellie doesn’t immediately open the doors, and I've calmed down enough to answer when she asks, “Baby? Are you feeling okay?”

I nod, looking away. The people that I see walking around look sad.

“I’m fine.”

“It’s okay if you’re not, though,” she says. I stay quiet, doubting it. Ellie nudges me with her elbow, looking for an answer. “Hey.”

“Yeah,” I say. “I know.”

Ellie pats me on the thigh before getting out of the car. I get out, too. I don't bother eating dinner that night; I just go straight to bed and fall asleep.

The next few days felt monotonous. I've fallen back into my sadness, the type that isn't bitter but sweet. It doesn't make me want to relapse. It makes me want to stay in bed more hours than I'd like, takes my appetite away, and leaves me feeling nothing but numbness.

I wake up, go to work, study, attend uni, come home, and sleep. The cycle repeats and repeats, and I'm so, so very tired.

Today, I took the day off. I knew I was too tired to do anything, so I planned to rot in bed. Ellie knocks on the door, but I don't answer. I hear the door creak open and the light from the living room creeping in.

"Hey," Ellie says, her voice coming from behind me. "Mind if I lay next to you?"

"It's fine," I say with a hoarse voice. I feel the bed sink at my side, and then Ellie is behind me, wrapping her arm around my torso and nuzzling her face into my neck, leaving a kiss right there. I feel cozy and comfortable. I don't know if this will last. I hope it does because it's a feeling I've never experienced before—someone comforting me? That has never happened.

"Do you want to talk about what's going on?" she asks. I stay quiet. "I care about you. I'm worried."

I do want to talk about it, but at the same time, I don't.

"I'm fine."

"You always say that… You haven't gotten out of bed since you came from work, and the frozen lasagna you were going to make for yourself last weekend has been in the fridge since then." She stays quiet for a second, her fingertips caressing my arm. "You're not doing fine, baby."

Millions of thoughts go through my head. Thoughts I don't say. I don't want her to leave; I don't want her to see how I feel.

"I'm trying, though." It's easy to say since Ellie isn't looking at my face directly. Tears threaten to spill from my eyes. I blink them away; I blink, blink, and blink again. Fast.

Ellie stays quiet, her breath tickling my neck. She kisses the back of my head again, her hand holding mine. I hold it to my chest. "I know. But you don't have to be alone in this."

That hits me like a truck. I wasn't expecting to be held by her, let alone her saying I don't have to be alone. A tear falls from my eye, landing on the pillow. I sniff, and Ellie holds me tighter, not saying anything. She tucks a strand of hair behind my ear with her free hand and kisses my temple.

"I'm sorry," I say, in a moment of pathetic weakness. She hugs me even closer.

"Hey, no. Don't apologize. C'mon, turn around."

I let go of her hand, turning around. Her left hand cups my face and she kisses my cheek, then my forehead, and then she kisses the tears that fall on my cheeks. When she pulls away, she gives me a small smile, "You're going to be okay."

She doesn't want you. She's your friend; she doesn't want you. She will fall in love with you, not your brain nor your scars, and when she finds out about the way you think, she'll leave.

I wake up on Ellie's chest, it feels good to be comforted, I've found. Her phone is on the nightstand, so I just reach it and look at the time. It's eight o'clock. I've fallen asleep for two hours. I try to make myself more comfortable on her chest, attempting not to wake her, but my movements fail and she stirs.

"Hey," she says, her voice still laced with sleep. "What time is it?"

"It's still night," I say, closing my eyes. "We slept for two hours.'

"Feeling better?" I feel comfortable enough to shake my head. "Do you want to talk about it? I told you, I'm worried. And don't bullshit me with the whole 'I'm fine' shit, yeah?"

I stay quiet as her thumb caresses my back, "Did I tell you why I'm going to therapy?" Ellie shakes her head. "Well—back home I had some… issues. Mental health stuff related. I kept going back to depressive episodes. And one day I just asked for help from my mom, because I—I just couldn't stop self harming."

"Baby," Ellie says, hugging me tighter and kissing the top of my head. "What happened? Did your mother react well?"

"Yeah. Surprisingly. I got help. Got better. Sometimes it comes back, and I still get urges sometimes, but I can control it. It isn't as bad as it was before. But lately, it's just—yeah."

"You don't do that anymore, do you?" She asks, worried.

"No," I shake my head. "Not anymore."

"And what about the urges, do you still get them?" I nod, slowly. Ellie plays with my hair. "And therapy? Is it helping?"

"I haven't told her anything, yet. I—I don't know, I can't talk about it."

"What if I go to the next session? If you're okay with that, of course. If you still don't feel comfortable we can look for another therapist or another way to get you help."

I hide my face in her chest when she says the last word. I don't know why I've been refusing to get help. I don't know why I don't like that word. I sigh as Ellie stops playing with my hair and begins rubbing my back.

"I think—I think I would like it if you go with me."

"Okay. Okay, then. I'll go." The room falls to silence again for a few seconds. I feel ashamed for telling her. "I'm sorry you have to go through this… I wish I could do more."

"You're doing more than enough," I assure her. It's my time to hug her tighter. "You’re the first person I’ve talked to about this."

"Yeah?" She seems surprised. "I'm glad you talked to me. I'm here for you if you need anything—I mean it. You just have to tell me, I will listen… You could've told me sooner."

"I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't apologize. I’m just saying, I'm here for you. I've been there for you, always. And… is there something I can do to help?"

"Just be there," I say. "That's enough."

"Mhm, I'll stay."

I think she wants you, a little voice in my head says. I think she loves you, and I don't think she'll ever leave.

Maybe I'll be okay, after all.

[frvnkcastles]

May I request something where the reader is just spiraling but doesn't shoe it until they're holed up in the bathroom at work (they work at Nelson, Murdock and Page) and Karen calls frank letting him know that the reader needs him. It turns out a really shitty ex came to her work waiting to get the cat they left with the reader back? But the ex can't care for the cat and lives with some aggressive dogs

(Sorry taking some shit from my life, I'd die for my cat Trash can man, plus I went head to head with an aggressive dog in a tiny enclosed path for my old cat (she was 18 at the time and lasted to 20))

MY TRUEST FEELING YET ➵ F. CASTLE

Summary: When your ex threatens to take your cat, you’re scared in a way that only Frank can mend.

Warnings: Hurt/comfort, toxic ex, gender neutral reader, language

Word count: 1.5k

Author’s note: You don’t have to be sorry, anon!! This is a safe space for everyone and I’m always so honored to receive requests that are inspired by real life, and it’s my biggest hope that I do justice to them. Lots of hugs to you and your cat!! <3

Panic and terror had been festering inside you for the past hour, growing and expanding and just waiting to explode out of you. You tried to keep your cool, not wanting to freak out at work, but it was proving hard to stay calm and go about your duties like nothing had happened.

Your ex had shown up at the office, demanding to get back the cat you had claimed for yourself after the break-up. You had been happy to cut ties with them, ready to start a new chapter with your cat who had already gotten you through so many lows, but now, they had come back to take away your best friend. Only the thought made you sick, as you knew they couldn’t take care of the cat the way you did, and the only reason they were doing this was most likely to hurt you.

Realistically, you knew Frank would have stood between them and the cat like a brick wall if it came down to it, but you couldn’t stop yourself from overthinking the situation to a point where you couldn’t focus on work at all.

You left your desk and stormed into the bathroom, locking yourself behind the door as you broke into nervous sobs. You leaned against the door and buried your face in your hands as you cried in the pure fear that you’d never see your cat again, not even remotely able to handle the heartbreak that would come with that loss. You couldn’t stop panicking, and the flurry of emotions only gained power while you sobbed into your palms.

Karen was the first to hear you. You were alone at the office with her, and so it didn’t take much for her to figure it out it was you who was weeping in the bathroom. Her alarm bells went off and she rapidly knocked on the door, calling out to you and asking if you were okay — but you couldn’t answer, couldn’t even process what she was saying.

She stayed for a while, attempting to open the door you had locked and knocking over and over again, but when you refused to open up, she did the only thing she could think of. She called Frank.

He frowned at the sight of Karen’s caller ID on his screen, his mind always preparing for the worst, always worried about you. ”Yeah?” he picked up the phone, swallowing hard as he waited for Karen to explain why she was calling, his heart already racing in his chest.

”I—I don’t know what’s going on, they’re locked in the bathroom and won’t stop crying. I’m really worried, Frank”, she elaborated while pacing back and forth in the office. Frank didn’t need to be told anything else, just the information that you were struggling in any way was enough to get him moving.

”I’m on my way. Thanks for lettin’ me know”, he announced before hanging up the phone. You had seemed completely fine when leaving for work that morning, so it worried him deeply that something had happened within the hours you had been gone, and he was determined to get to the bottom of it and help you through whatever was weighing you down.

He drove as fast as he could, and soon enough, he arrived at the office and stomped inside. Karen met him in the hallway and guided him to the bathroom where you were still holed up. Your crying had slowed down to the occasional sniffle, but you were still shaking and scared out of your mind. You were swallowed up by the vicious cycle of your thoughts, convinced that you were going to lose your cat, and it felt like nothing could snap you out of it.

Until you heard Frank’s voice.

”Sweetheart, you in there? Can I come in?” he asked through the door, and blinking away the tears, you pushed yourself off of the wall. You were terrified, but if there was anyone who could bring you back down from that bitter high, it was Frank. He always knew what to say or do, and he always helped you see the good in everything — so, you didn’t hesitate to unlock the door.

You opened up and found Frank standing there with a solemn face, similar to Karen’s worried expression as she stood behind him. The combined concern you had caused made you feel a little embarrassed, but you were still incredibly relieved to see your boyfriend who reached for your shoulder with a comforting hold.

”What’s goin’ on, darlin’? You were really worryin’ me and Karen”, he queried carefully, his lips curved downwards as he observed your face, from the red eyes to the wobbling lips. He had a primal urge to do anything he could to help, and even if he didn’t know the reason behind your tears yet, his fists itched to punch and hit.

”My ex was here. Came demanding to have my cat. I don’t know what they’re gonna do next but I can’t—I can’t lose—”, you began explaining, getting choked up before you could get all the words out, but Frank got the gist of it. He had heard plenty about your ex from you, enough to develop hatred after the way you had been treated, and he most definitely wasn’t going to let anyone take your cat away from you. It had taken some time for him to really learn how to act around a cat and how to get one to like him, but now, he couldn’t imagine the house without your baby.

”Nah, nah, sweetheart, it’s okay”, he assured you, crouching down to your eye level, his hands on your shoulders. ”Hey, no one’s gonna touch that cat as long as I got anythin’ to say ’bout it. Little menace was at home when I left, loungin’ about like owner of the house. The cat’s fine, baby, and I ain’t lettin’ anyone change that”, he swore, meaning every word, and as much was obvious in the grave stare he directed at you.

You sniffled again and gave him a look. ”There’s dogs in the house, too. Aggressive ones. It’s no place for a cat”, you went on, and nodding, Frank hauled you into his arms. He wrapped his arms tightly around you and nuzzled his face into your hair, trying to exude as much comfort as he possibly could.

”I know, baby. But I’m tellin’ ya, that cat is goin’ nowhere. I’ll make sure of it, yeah?” he murmured against you, truly a man on a mission. He was going to protect that cat with all his might, and he had already decided he was going to pay your ex a visit and tell them to back off or face the consequences. He wasn’t playing around when it came to your happiness, and as freaked out as you were, you knew that and trusted him.

”I don’t know what I’d do without you, Frankie”, you sighed into his chest, and chuckling softly, he pulled back enough to drop his forehead onto yours.

”You ain’t ever gon’ have to find out, either. Promise”, he whispered before connecting your lips together, gentle but deep as he kissed you. You closed your eyes and leaned into it, finding so much comfort in the feeling of his mouth against yours, his arms around your waist. Even when he let go, his lips lingered and it was enough to make you smile.

”There you are”, he breathed out at the sight, ”my pretty baby. Would do anything to see that smile.” Heat crept up to your cheeks at the praise and it was hard to feel sad anymore, so reluctantly, you let go of the anxiety. You were still a little worried your ex would show up at your home, but knowing Frank would be at your defense was a massive consolation.

”Hey, I think you should head home. Not much to do around here today, anyway”, Karen chimed in, a kind smile on her lips as she watched you and Frank embrace.

”Yeah, I like the sound of that. Lemme take you home, sweetheart”, Frank agreed, and you didn’t see the point in arguing. Seeing your cat sounded perfect right now, too.

You made your way home, and before you knew it, you were cuddled up on the couch with Frank and your cat. Being in his arms with your baby on your lap was the closest thing to Heaven on earth, and you felt the panic of the day slowly fade into nothingness as you scratched your cat’s chin and enjoyed the sensation of Frank caressing your hair.

”I ain’t ever lettin’ anyone take this away from us. Love you so fuckin’ much, love what we have”, Frank rasped from behind you, his voice tingling in your ear, and your heart melted.

”I love you, too”, you responded, so full of appreciation for the man holding you in his arms. You felt at home with him, more than you ever did with your ex, and you knew that would never change.

And as promised, Frank stopped by your ex’s house with a warning mixed with a threat, and you no longer had to even imagine saying goodbye to your cat.

[thewulf]

Sweet Boy || Jake "Hangman" Seresin

Summary: Request! Hi can I request a Jake Seresin imagine with a female reader where he comes home after a stressful day and he pulls her into a hug nuzzling his head into her neck, grabbing as much of her as he can for comfort. He shyly asks if he can lie on her chest as it’s soft, she doesn’t hear him since his head is in her neck so he asks her again looking down at the ground, she moves them both to the ground letting him get comfortable on her chest stroking his hair gently. Once he’s relaxed, he cheekily moves his hand under her to cup her breast stroking it softly to which she calls out Jake laughing at him, he looks up at her with a cheeky grin before saying please baby can I keep my hand there before he pouts at her, she kisses his lips softly nodding at him going back to stroking his hair/face eventually noticing he has fallen asleep snoring softly? Thanks 😊

A/N: Hope you all and anon enjoy!! Shorter than normal but fluffier than ever!

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Y/N

Word Count: 2,100+

Tying your hair up you grabbed the nearly overflowing mug full of hot chocolate. A particularly cold day sweeping through San Diego made you want to nuzzle up on the couch with the book you were reading and a warm drink. So that’s what you did. You could probably be grading homework or prepping your next lesson, but you weren’t really feeling it tonight. Instead opting for a book and hot chocolate instead.

Your second grade class this year was a dream. You couldn’t believe how well behaved almost every single student acted. This was your first year of teaching that didn’t feel like you were drowning every five minutes too. You finally felt like you got into a rhythm with teaching, you were finally enjoying it after years of struggling through it.

Turning the page, you were surprised to hear your front door lock click open. Sitting up from your spot you locked your eyes onto the front door. After a few seconds and a few choice cuss words the door opened revealing a very sad looking version of your boyfriend.

Setting your book down you gave him a once over, “Honey, are you alright?” You jumped off the couch hurrying over to him.

A small smile traced over his lips when he spotted you. Letting out the sigh he seemed to be holding all day he simply held his arms open for you to come into, “Can I just hold you?” He spoke with a cadence you hadn’t heard from him before.

Jumping into his arms you wrapped your legs around his waist, “Are you okay baby?” You asked leaning back in his embrace trying to search his eyes for some answers. Jake was a touchy guy, but this was out of character for him.

He nodded pulling you back into his embrace, “I’m okay. Just a shitty day.” Sighing he buried his head right into your neck while still holding your thighs tight to his stomach.

“Want to talk about it handsome?” You asked while softly running your fingers down the back of his neck earning a shiver from him.

“No, not really,” He mumbled into your neck, “Just want you.”

Smiling you couldn’t stop the physical reaction you had to his clinginess, your heart rate was picking up rapidly as he squeezed you tight, “Okay, honey. Whatever you want.” Feeling his breath on your neck you had to wonder what had him so frazzled.

Jake was soft when we wanted to be and your ultimate protector all the time. To see him so desperate for your touch and not have anything to say? It worried you a bit. He was always so full of life, making sarcastic remarks as often as you could handle them. This was a side of Jake you had yet to see in your relationship. A side that felt comfortable enough to collapse into your arms.

Only looking up for a second to see where he was he gently set you back down onto the couch. Quickly hoping onto the spot right next you he picked you up with ease shimmying your body right onto his lap. Wrapping his arms around your waist he pulled you right into his chest, craving any and every ounce of contact he could get with you.

“I love you so much baby.” He whispered looking right into your eyes.

Kissing his nose softly your bright smile seemed to help him in his state. Helping his relax a little, “And I love you so much. So so much. So much it hurts.” You looked right back into his eyes as you ran your fingers down the side of his face tracing any feature your eyes could find.

He gave you a look that should’ve stopped your heart right then and there. He looked at you like you were the most perfect creature. Like you could do no wrong, say no wrong. A look you’ve never seen from your boyfriend of almost a year. One that sent your brain into overdrive.

“So pretty,” He brushed a strand of hair out of your face, “Prettiest girl in the world. And you’re all mine. ‘M so lucky.” Mumbling he wrapped his arms around you bringing you impossibly close. Again, he nuzzled his neck right back into the crook of your neck. Taking a deep breath in craving your scent. Your body. Everything about you.

He knew from the second he met you he was going to try and marry you. His nephew ended up in your second grade class after his sister moved out to San Diego for a job. Jake tried to drop off the teary eyed second grader at your classroom, but he just wouldn’t let go of his leg. Stressed because he had to get to work he tried his hardest to get the scared boy to just go to school but nothing Jake said seemed to do worked. But then you showed up hearing the commotion outside your classroom. Your smile when you came out of the classroom immediately melted his heart.

Crouching down you gave the scared teary eyed boy a high-five. Somehow you managed to not only get him to smile but to run right into the room leaving Jake’s leg void of the boy. His eyes widened in shock at how easily you were able to calm him down. Jake couldn’t seem to take his eyes off the drop dead gorgeous second grade teacher that just saved him from a world of trouble with his nephew. He’d would never tell his buddies, but he got far too nervous to ask you out that day.

So, what did he do? Jake offered to drop his nephew off every day for a few weeks while he worked up the courage to get your number. He hadn’t a clue why he failed to have the ability to ask you out but every time he saw you it was like his brain forgot what sentences were.

You, on the other hand, felt your heart clinch when you heard the crying child outside your door. It wasn’t as common with second graders, but you occasionally were met with a teary eyed, snot nosed baby who didn’t want to leave their parent. What you weren’t expecting was to be met with an incredibly handsome, albeit stressed looking, man in a military uniform. Flashing the man a quick smile you dropped to the ground getting your eyes level with the little boy.

Giving him a high five and whispering him words of encouragement plus the mention of all the cool toys in your room brought the boy away from his uncles leg. The little one gave you a cheeky smile before bolting into the room leaving just you and the handsome stranger. You made small talk with the military man learning that he was his uncle and not his dad giving you some sort of hope you knew wasn’t likely there.

But you were surely mistaken. Jake was enamored by you. By your sweetness and kindness. By the way you listened to every word of every child like it was the most important conversation to be had. By the way your eyes lit up at nearly everything, fascinated by the world. By the way you were so lively and free. He was smitten to say the least. It took him a few months to buck up the courage to ask the pretty teacher on a date. He was so thankful that he did. The two of you falling into sync quickly. Like two peas in pod.

Things only seemed to get better month after month for your relationship. You’d never felt so comfortable and secure in one before. He just always made you feel so good about yourself. And now, it was your chance to return the love to him. Something was up and you craved to comfort him, to hold him.

“You’re too sweet to me Mr. Seresin.” You giggled as he trailed kisses down your neck, careful not to leave any bruises or your second graders might have some questions.

“Never.” He paused his kisses looking up at you, “You deserve everything and more darling.”

Smiling so hard it hurt your jaw you could only look at him as he buried his head back into the crook of your neck just holding you close. You felt his chest vibrate and you neck tickle as he tried to speak. You only heard inaudible mumbles though.

Laughing softly, you began running your hands down the back of his head, “What was that baby?” You asked genuinely curious as to what he had to say.

He kissed your neck again before looking away from you altogether. Staring at the ground Jake didn’t want to ask the question again. It took him too long to work up the courage in the first place. There was something about you that just made him all nervous. Frowning you observed his state of almost embarrassment? Like he was ashamed of the question.

“Honey?” You continued playing with his short hair hoping to draw him back into you.

“Can I…” He paused before sighing, “Can I lay on your chest?” He smiled sweetly finally looking back you.

Nodding you grinned at him, “Course baby.” It didn’t come as a second thought to you. Jake’s love language was physical touch and boy did he crave it. You saw just how much he needed it when he was distressed too. It was only the second date that he held your hand almost the entire time you went through the museum, surprisingly it was Jake’s idea. He thought you would like the pretty artwork. He was right naturally. Seemingly understanding you entirely from the get go.

You on the other hand weren’t the biggest fan of physical touch. Or so you thought. Then you met Jake, and it was different with him. Obviously it was different with him, everything seemed to be different with him. Every stereotype could be left at the door when it came to Jake Seresin. He never ceased to amaze you. And you him.

He perked up a bit, “Really?”

“Yeah,” You giggled kissing his cheek, “Why would I say no?”

He shrugged before scooping you up in his arms. You would protest but you knew you would lose. Part of Jake’s love of physical touch meant he picked you up all the time. More often than not he’d carry you to bed just wanting to be close. At first you’d protest but slowly, over the last few months, you’ve just gotten used to it.

He laid you on the ground, gently, before handing you a pillow. Laying all the way down you grinned as you watched him move to the ground, laying his head on your left side. Sighing contently Jake shut his eyes with a soft grin on his face. You knew that grin meant trouble.

Deciding to ignore it you continued massaging his head and playing with his hair. You just wanted him to feel comfortable. A quite Jake was a rare sight to see. You adored your usually chatty boy.

Quickly he ran his hand under your loose fitting t shirt making his way right to you boob. Settling on just cupping it.

“Hey!” You giggled not making a move to shoo him away just glad to see some life behind his eyes again.

“What?” Jake grinned with amusement dancing behind his previously dull eyes.

“You know what you little…” You trailed off giggling as he ran his hand all over you abdomen and chest. You felt euphoric as your boyfriend trailed you.

“Little what?”

Rolling your eyes, you bit your cheek feeling consumed by his love.

“I can stop if you want me too.” Jake frowned knowing you were an absolute sucker for it.

“Shush, you know I like it.”

He nodded letting his hand rest right on your right side. Feeling all too content Jake let his head lay against your left side. He felt all the emotions as you caressed his head lulling him into drowsiness he wasn’t aware was coming over him.

Before you knew it you heard Jake’s soft snores as he laid his head fully on top of you. You could only smile to yourself as you continued running your hands along his head. Oh, how content you were with him. You never knew just how good life could be until you ran into Jake that fateful day. Closing your eyes, you hoped to drift off with him into a dreamless sleep.

[skz317cb97]

Drunk Confessions pt 5

Jisung x Female reader

Word count: 1.9k

Synopsis: When Jisung, the guy that can't stand you, calls drunk and asks for a ride home from the bar you do it for the sake of your mutual friend Chan.

A/N: 18+ ONLY! Wow part 5 already! 3 more to go! Hope you like this one! Warnings and smut below the cut!

Warnings: 18+ ONLY MDNI! Cursing and strong language, mentions of drinking/over drinking/being drunk. That's all! If I missed something please let me know and I'll add it immediately!

To say that you were surprised when you saw Jisung’s contact picture pop up calling you at 2am would be a drastic understatement. You hesitated even answering worried it might just be more hateful and hurtful words you didn’t need or want to hear from him. The time was the only reason you did answer, in case he was in trouble or something. He might not be your friend but your friend cared about him so you answered. 

“Heyyy y/n.” He was very drunk. 

“Hey hey hey, are you there?” You hummed. 

“Yes Jisung I’m here...” He chuckled a little. 

“Okay look do you think you can pull the stick from your ass long enough to come get me from this bar. I made some new friends but none of us can drive, can we girls?!” You heard a group of drunk girls carrying on in the background hollering their agreement with Jisung. 

“Let me get this straight. You want me to come get you and an unknown number of girls and what? Take you home like I’m your personal uber?”  

“Unless you’d like to join us...” A scowl was plastered to your face whether Jisung could see it or not. 

“Goodbye Jisun-”  

“Wait wait! God I’m just kidding!” You huff a breath out not wanting to deal with him at all, let alone at 2am. 

“Jisung if you and only you need a ride because you’re drunk, I’ll come get you because Chan is our friend but if you think for one second I’m chauffeuring you and your harem home you’ve lost your goddamned mind.” 

“Okay! Jeeze, I see the stick has not been removed. Just me. Will you please give just me a ride.” You agreed and Jisung told you the bar he was at. When you pulled up you were hoping he was going to be waiting outside for you, of course he wasn’t.  

You parked and went into the club that was still surprisingly crowded. You scanned the crowd looking for Jisung until you finally recognized his slicked back black hair. It was criminal how gorgeous he was for being such a dick most of the time. There must have been some redeeming qualities about him that Chan saw or they wouldn’t be friends. You certainly didn’t. 

You didn’t know what you had done for him to dislike you so much but one night Jisung accidentally pocket dialed you and you heard every shitty thing he thought about you. After that you kept your distance. Still he always had something to say, like the stick up your ass line. You’d had enough and started avoiding him at all costs and now you were walking up to a guy you didn’t want to be around, in a club you didn’t want to be in and for no other reason than he’s your one of your best friend’s friend. You tapped him on the shoulder. 

“Jisung?” He spun around and the smile he was sporting fell at the sight of you which only made you feel like shit. 

“Ah! The stick in the mud I ordered fantastic.” He said and one of the girls next to him started laughing. You glared at her and she shut up quickly. 

“The stick in the mud is leaving now.” You turned and headed towards the exit. Jisung quickly said goodbye to the girls and ran after you, well stumbled. He had way too much to drink. 

“Wait you were gonna take me home!” You shrugged. 

“Guess you better keep up!” You called back to him as he tried to do just that. He did manage to make it to the car and get in before you were in drive so you decided to keep your word and take him home. The first half of the car ride was fairly quiet. Soft music playing and neither of you speaking. Then finally Jisung broke the silence. 

“Why do you hate me so much?” You looked over and he looked sleepy and a little sad. He was asking a serious question. 

“Seriously?” He nodded and his eyes somehow managed to get bigger and browner and you wondered if this was a little of what Chan saw. 

“Jee Jisung maybe because I have a stick up my ass and wouldn’t know a good time if it bit me in my backside. Or maybe it’s because I could never be your type because I’m stuck up and dress like a librarian, or maybe it’s because I only use Chan for food, alcohol, and money, or maybe it’s because I heard someone say a bunch of terrible things about me and assumed he didn’t like me so I stayed away!” You were angry that tears were welling up in your eyes as you shouted at him. Who was he to ask you why you hated him when he had so clearly disliked you first. 

“You heard me say all that?!” You shook your head rolling your eyes. 

“It doesn’t matter Jisung you don’t like me and I don’t like you and that’s fine okay?” Jisung had his head in his hands shaking it. 

“No no no you’ve got it all wrong!” You looked at him not buying it. 

“I heard it all Jisung straight from you.” He nodded. 

“Okay yes I said that stuff, but it was before I really knew you and I was wrong! I don’t hate you at all y/n I’m crazy about you!” You scoffed disgusted. 

“What the hell are you going on about!? You always call me names and act like you’re god’s gift!”  

“So I flirt like an idiot it doesn’t mean I don’t like you!” You slammed on your brakes. 

“FLIRT?! You call saying I have a stick up my ass flirting?!” 

“SHITTY FLIRTING, YES!”  

“OH WELL NO FUCKING SHIT! SO I’M SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE YOU LIKE ME?!” 

“YES!!” If the car hadn’t already been stopped you would have slammed on the brakes again. 

“Get the fuck out of my car.” Jisung tried to reason with you. 

“Wait let’s just talk about this.” You were done talking. 

“GET OUT!” He got out of your car and onto the sidewalk and you sped off. Who the hell did he think he was. Saying all those things about you, treating you the way he did, just to say he liked you. What a childish way to show affection, he might as well have been pulling your ponytail and tripping you while he was at it. You were halfway back home when the guilt of leaving him drunk and stranded hit you.  

“FUCK!” You made a U-turn and went back towards Jisung’s place. You ended up finding him about 2 miles from where you’d left him. He’d made surprisingly good time considering he was plastered. You pulled up, stopped and you rolled down the window. 

“Get in and don’t say a thing.” Jisung got in the car buckled up and didn’t say a single word the rest of the way to his place. When you got there you parked the car and looked forward not saying anything still furious. 

“Thank you.” Jisung said quietly. You didn’t say anything and continued looking forward, waiting for him to get out. 

“Okay... goodnight y/n.” He waited until you gave him a little nod, still not looking at him, and then he got out and went into his building, leaving you to drive home with a hundred thoughts swirling in your head. Like? He LIKED you? Did he even know you well enough to like you? You supposed he did.  

Chan had been trying to get you to come around a bit more too. Obviously they had been talking about you, you were sure Chan knew how Jisung felt but he’d never said a thing to you. You guessed because it wasn’t his information to share but still you were all friends he couldn’t have at least hinted? You were going to give him a little grief about it when you saw him next.  

For now you had to figure out what you were going to do about Jisung and his confession. You felt a little bad just taking off on him like that. You probably broke his heart. What if he really did hate you now? Why did that scare you so much suddenly? When you got home you went to bed but sleep was a fickle friend that night and with it already being so late, you barely got any rest. 

The next day you got up and went over to Jisung’s first thing. You pounded on his door until he woke up and answered. When he saw it was you his face fell again and just like the night before it hurt seeing him frown because of you. 

“Why?” Jisung was hungover, half asleep and very confused. 

“Why....” You rolled your eyes still on the fence about everything. 

“Why do you like me?”  

“Oh. Um, well... it’s hard-” You stopped him. 

“If you like with me the reason why shouldn’t be hard. You should be able t-” Jisung interrupted. 

“Because you’re beautiful okay!? Like the kind of beautiful other women can only hope to be. You are kind I’ve seen you sneak and buy like ten different homeless guys meals and you pay for mine and Chan’s food on a regular basis. You’re smart, and funny, and you don’t have to put up a front. If someone doesn’t like you then they don’t like you and you’re fine with that.” You shook your head. 

“No I’m not.” 

“What?” 

“I’m not fine with that, I hated that you didn’t like me. I didn’t know what I had done to make you think those things about me.” Jisung shook his head. 

“Nothing you didn’t do anything I was an asshole judging you because you were a pretty girl that hung around Chan all the time. Then I got to know you and asked Chan about you and I realized I was dead wrong. I never knew you heard me say those things or I would have apologized a long time ago. I am sorry y/n I was wrong and shouldn’t have said that and I shouldn’t have picked on you so much when there were clearly issues between us I just... wanted to make you laugh... get you to loosen up...” You laughed a little. 

“Get the stick out of my ass?” He pressed his fingers into his eyes embarrassed. 

“No no. You don’t have a stick up your ass or in the mud or anywhere. Your feelings were hurt and it was my fault. I’m so sorry.” You nodded. 

“Apology accepted Jisung.” His head shot up and he looked at you surprised. 

“Really!?” You shook your head. 

“Yes really. Jisung when you relax and just be you... I like you too.” His jaw was on the floor. 

“Ji a bug is gonna fly in your mouth.” He closed it. 

“Sorry just... you... you like me?!”  

“Of course Jisung, you're handsome and funny. You’re a dear friend to Chan which means a lot to me.” He laughed nervously.  

“At the risk of pushing my luck... would you want to go out with me this weekend? I’d love to take you to dinner. Buy you a meal for once.” You laughed and shook your head yes. 

“I’d really like that Jisung.” He smiled ear to ear. 

“Really?! Okay! I’ll text you and we’ll work out all the details!” Your smile spread across your face too. 

“Sounds good. I’ll go and let you get some rest now.” You leaned in and pressed your soft lips to Jisung’s and he thought his heart was going to beat out of his chest. 

“I’ll talk to you later Ji.” His chubby cheeks and his ears were red. 

“Yeah, okay... bye.” You turned and left and Jisung closed the door before leaning against it in total disbelief. He had a date with you. 

Please do not repost or translate any of my works. My blog and stories are NSFW and 18+ ONLY! Minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked!

@acciocriativity @caroline-ds-world @chansynie @ughbehavior @jquellen27 @jisuperboard @fixation-dump @lachinitaaaaa @rinrinndou @bangchans-angel @laylasbunbunny @owo-manii-uwu @armystay89 @b00dyguts @purplenimsicle @caticorn61 @lauraneuuh @channieandhisgoonsquad @minnysproutgriffinteddy @svintsandghosts @the-sweetest-rose @alice630 @3rachasninja @m0ri-apeuda @eastleighsblog @linoification @mlink64 @smally97 @fun-fanfics @chansducky10 @starfire21 @cessixja @siewoon @berryberrytan @binnies-minsung-fanclub @lethallyprotected @straykids5star

[upat4amwiththemoon]

Can you do a wandanat x daughter where she's like an adult and her mom's are used to her anxiety attacks by now, so they're just there with her telling her to breathe, but this one is a really bad one so she passes out, which scares them. And its all angst and she's still their baby. And if aunt yelena could be there, being all soft and worried and loving fluff.

I love protective wanda, nat and yelena.

Anxiety

Summary: It never fully goes away.

Pairing: WandaNat x daughter!reader

Warnings: panic attack

Word count: 698

a/n: much love

Tags: @thought-of-you-and-me @rafecameronswhore

Her breathing picks up quickly as she leaves the job interview. It’s her first one since her years ago. Y/N knew the job interview would be difficult, as these things have always been, but she really thought she had gotten better with therapy.

With shaking hands, Y/N opens Wanda and Natasha’s door with the spare key they gave her when she moved out.

“Mom? Mama?” She cries out, dropping to the ground as her breathing get faster.

The fist one to come to her is Wanda. “Honey?” She kneels next to her, setting her hands on Y/N’s cheeks. “Hey, sweetheart, can you take a really deep breath for me?”

“I- I can’t. I can’t breathe, mama, please.”

“It’s okay, you’re okay.” Wanda shushes quietly. That’s when Natasha and Yelena show up to the hall.

“What happened?” Natasha kneels next to Wanda, while Yelena stays in the doorway between the hall and the living room with a frown on her face. “Can you follow my breathing?” She takes Y/N’s hand.

Her breathing turns more and more erratic. “No, no. I can’t stop.” She pulls her hand away from Natasha’s, pushing both of her palms over her ears. “Make it s-stop!” Her breaths turn into small gasps.

Wanda wraps her arms around Y/N, her worry increasing by the minute. These attacks weren’t unusual by any means, Y/N has suffered them since she was a child, but usually Wanda and Natasha were able to help her through them quickly.

“It-“ a quick inhale, “-hurts.” There are tears in her eyes. She stares at Natasha and Wanda as her gaze starts turning fuzzy, and then she passes out.

Slowly, Y/N starts regaining her consciousness. She opens her eyes, but closes them right away with a groan. The lights are too bright. “She’s awake!” Someone’s voice shouts from over her. It’s still a bit muffled. “How are you feeling?”

“Mmmmh.” With a bit of struggle, Y/N opens her eyes properly to see Yelena’s face incredibly close to her own. “Back up a bit, would you?”

Yelena rolls her eyes. “She’s fine.” She shouts to the two women. “You scared your moms.”

Y/N doesn’t even get a chance to say anything before Natasha and Wanda rush to her side, the latter holding a wet towel on her hand. “Are you okay? How are you feeling?”

“Fine, fine.” She mumbles, standing up with a sigh.

Natasha has a frown on her face while Wanda tries to dap the towel on Y/N’s forehead. “You haven’t passed out before.” She rubs Y/N’s arm. “What happened?”

Pushing away the towel, Y/N rubs her eyes. “I had a job interview, and it went shitty.”

“Language.” Wanda whispers, making Yelena snort.

Y/N rolls her eyes. “I thought I’d be ready to get a job and stop being a failure, but I guess not.”

“Y/N..” Natasha sighs. “You aren’t a failure for that. It’s not your fault.”

“Yeah, yeah. I have heard that a million times. It just feels bad when all of my friends are working while I’m just sleeping all the days away.”

“Sleeping alone, I hope.” Yelena snickers, though Y/N knows there’s some serious protectiveness in her aunt’s voice.

“Lena!” She pushes her, though it doesn’t really affect her, as Yelena is much stronger than her. “Who I sleep with does not concern you.”

Yelena scrunches her brows. “Uh, yes it does. I will hurt anyone who does anything to you.”

“Okay,” Wanda stops the conversation, “we’re all very protective of her and will hurt anyone if needed, we all know that.” Y/N glares at her, but Wanda ignores it. “Now, lets put on a movie and relax, yeah? I don’t want you being home alone after you passed out.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Both Y/N and Yelena salute, knowing how strict Wanda can be.

With an exaggerated sigh, Wanda goes to the kitchen to get snacks, and a giggling Natasha follows her.

Y/N and Yelena start fighting over the remote the minute they’re out of the ear shot. Which results in Natasha berating them both and snatching up the remote herself.

Y/N and Yelena start fighting over the remote the minute they’re out of the ear shot. Which results in Natasha berating them both and snatching up the remote herself.

Y/N and Yelena start fighting over the remote the minute they’re out of the ear shot. Which results in Natasha berating them both and snatching up the remote herself.

[heartsfrommeg]

ii. memories

a/n: thank you for all the support on the first chapter 🫶🫶

warnings: language, mention of scar, mention of blood, arguing

w/c: 1.8k

next chapter: so what’s the plan?

we finally got back to my place and i took my mask off after entering the front door, throwing it onto the counter. i then went to the couch and sat down. the others sat down all around the living room and dining room. hobie sat right beside me of course. “so what’s up? why do you guys need my help?” i asked. “it’s a long story, you ready?” peter b. asked. “yeah, i have the time.” i said, putting my hands behind my head.

peter b. explained everything about miles and how i’d be a big help. “okay so you’re telling me that this miles dude got bit by a spider that wasn’t from his universe so once he got to hq shit happened with him and miguel and then when he tried to go home he got sent to the wrong universe and the universe that he’s in has no protection of any kind?”

“yeah, pretty much.” gwen said. “and he got chased by like all of hq?? damn kinda wish i could’ve seen that.” i said with a laugh. “i left after helping him escape, didn’t feel like running for no reason and have mr. anger issues boss me around.” hobie said, arms crossed. “fair enough.”

“but would you be willing to help? hobie should have an extra watch so you don’t glitch out.” peter b. said. “um actually mate, i don’t. i didn’t think you’d wanna recruit anyone else so i laid off making them.” hobie said. “you didn’t even think about making extras kid?” spider noir said, which hobie just shook his head no to. “we’d have to go back to hq so i could get parts, which shouldn’t be an issue.”

“i can come with. i’ll use a day pass because i’m sure peter has extras for mayday.” i said. “i do, which hobie should’ve done with his watches!!” peter b. said. hobie just rolled his eyes then looked at me. “are you sure you’d wanna go back? after y’know?” i nodded, “he has no reason to do anything. i couldn’t prevent my canon event from happening so. plus i could probably take him down this time.” i said, slightly elbowing hobie.

“well then i guess let’s head to hq.” peter porker said. “no offense but i always forget there’s like animal spidermen.” i said, getting up to go grab my mask, making hobie and a few others laugh. peter b. then handed me a day pass which a slid over my wrist as hobie opened a portal, which he let everyone go into first before looking at me. “you ready?” i nodded, slipping my mask on. “now or never.”

i then followed hobie through the portal and got met with a familiar room and familiar faces, some had masks on. the group took their masks off and i did as well, i proceeded to hide behind hobies tall frame, kinda hoping other spider people wouldn’t notice me which hobie took notice of and smiled. lyla then popped up, “miguel wants to see you all. even you, (y/n).” she then disappeared. “of course he noticed us already.” gwen said, rolling her eyes. “perfect.” hobie said, smirking to himself. “excuse me but how is that perfect??” i asked.

“because, on the way to his office i can steal parts.” he whispered.

“oh.”

“yeah. don’t worry love, like you said, he won’t do anything.”

i tagged along behind hobie and the others as we made our way to where miguel was. as we passed through the parts room, hobie was stealing parts left and right. i rolled my eyes with a smile as i saw what hobie was doing. we eventually got to miguel’s office and a wave of nervousness washed over me. hobie noticed and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder and slightly rubbed it. i then noticed miguel coming down slowly on his little platform that i always found stupid. “come on, some of us don’t have all day.” i muttered under my breath, already wanting to leave.

miguel finally turned around to face us. “i thought i told you guys not to return.” “well technically you only kicked two of us out. the rest willingly left because that’s how shitty you are.” i said. miguel then looked at me and i felt my body tense up. “hm, i didn’t think you’d actually show your face again, even after your canon event happened. sorry about that by the way.”

i scoffed, “sorry?? you’re sorry? please, you are far from fucking sorry. so don’t even give me that bullshit. and i know that you know exactly what happened during that event and you know how much that fucked me up.”

“look, i don’t want to talk about it. yeah, i do know what happened and we both know who was under that mask.” “what? you don’t want them to know that this scar on my face is because of you?!” miguel just kept silent as i started remembering the day i got this scar, much rather wanting to remember that then who that face was behind the mask.

—

miguel called me in, i just saved a bunch of people so i was kind of confused of why i was called in. i eventually got to his office and he was already on the ground, back turned away from me. “what did i do?” i said as soon as i entered.

“you know what you did, (y/n). you almost disrupted a canon event.” i shrugged, “i don’t get why it’s such a big deal. it should be my choice if i wanna save my parents. i shouldn’t just stand back and watch it fucking happen.” peter b. then walked in wondering what the commotion was about.

“(y/n), there just isn’t some people who are supposed to be saved.” i just rolled my eyes, “like i said, that should be MY choice.” i started, stepping closer to miguel. “just because you had a shit ending, doesn’t mean i have to!” “that isn’t the point (y/n)!!” he yelled as he turned around and slashed my face. i stood there in shock as i felt blood going down my face and my eyes starting to tear up. peter b. was speechless, he couldn’t say anything. i just simply walked out, letting the tears flow as i walked out.

“and don’t come back.” i heard miguel finally say. i went to go open a portal, not even noticing hobie right beside me. “hey, what happened?? why is there blood going down your face love? why are you crying?” hobie blabbered but i muted his voice out, just trying to calm the pain down. as soon as i opened the portal i threw the watch out and gave hobie one last look before disappearing into the portal. the watch rolled to hobie’s feet, he proceeded to look down at it in shock, taking in everything that happened.

—

he then made his way to miguel’s office, knowing he had something to do with it. “ay, what the hell mate??” hobie said, holding my watch. “she broke a rule, so she had to go. and you will not be seeing her either. i’ll know if you go there hobie.” hobie scoffed, “did you literally have to put a scar across her face though??” miguel just sighed as he walked off, “she was too close.” hobie looked at the watch then at peter b. which he just turned his head away to.

i then looked around the room, keeping silent. “why are you guys here?” miguel said. “well most of us have the right to be here.” spider-byte said. miguel just kept quiet. “whatever, you can go.” as soon as i heard that, i left, not wanting to see his face anymore.

hobie followed right behind me, stealing more pieces as we walked through the parts room. “what happened?” he suddenly asked, us walking together a little ahead of the others. “hm? what do you mean?” i asked. “your canon event.” i looked at him then looked away. “i’d… i’d rather not.” hobie immediately understood, “it’s okay, i wasn’t forcing you to or anything. but wanna come back to my universe with me so i can piece this thing together?”

i simply nodded with a smile. i headed to hobie’s universe with gwen and pavitr as the others went back to their original homes. as soon as i entered hobie’s universe i came across the familiar smell of weed, something me and hobie would do every now and then whenever i would stop by. i happily plopped down on hobie’s couch, taking in all the familiar sights around the room. hobie set the parts down on the table and went to his room. shortly after, he came back with some tools and sat beside me. gwen and pavitr decided to sit on some pillows that were on the ground.

“so how long have you been spiderwoman? or i guess spi-tallica?” gwen asked. my attention went towards the girl, eyebrows raised. “just about two years now. you?” “around three.” i then looked at pavitr for his answer. “only like six months or so.” i looked at him, surprised. “so you’re just a rookie then.” pavitr nodded.

hobie was in his own world, putting pieces together to make the watch. “so what is this miles guy like?” “he’s a lot like you, tryna save his parents and shit. wanting to save his universe. but other than that, i don’t really know much about him. i know he’s been spiderman for about a year now, but other than that he’s a pretty cool guy. you’d probably like him.” hobie said, still focused on the watch. i then looked at gwen and pavitr, hoping they’d give me more information.

“he’s a jokester from time to time. but he is a really sweet guy. i don’t think his parents like me that much though..” gwen said. i raised an eyebrow, “and why is that?” “that’s the thing! i don’t know! i mean i treat them with respect, i know their names, i-“ i cut her off, “wait, first name or last name basis?” “um, first name..?” you gave her a deadpan look. “that’s your problem right there! some parents find it very disrespectful if you go calling them by their first name too easily. not even hobie does that!” i said. “i don’t even say their last name honestly. i just say hey, what’s up.” hobie added on. “well that’s because you’re hobie. but you gotta go by their last name for a few like if i ever met hobie’s parents i wouldn’t go ‘oh hi samantha and issac’ or whatever their names were! i’d say mr. and mrs. brown.” hobie looked at you with an offended look, “samantha and issac?? cmon, you didn’t have to give my parents the most basic names ever.”

“well not my fault you never told me their names.”

“you never asked.”

“well now i’m asking.”

hobie let out a chuckle as he continued working on the watch.

it was nice to finally be able to hang around other spider people again, especially hobart brown.

@certified-dilf-lover @simpingsohard

[mollymauk-teafleak]

to get to this evening with you

Watch a kinda cheesy show, write some kinda cheesy fic! Endless thanks to my lovely @hangsters for the motivation and support.

Please reblog and comment over on Ao3!

-------

It's the night before his wedding and Evan Buckley needs to things. First, a pep talk from his sister.

And second, to see his future husband.

-------

The position of Buck’s Best Man (he couldn’t think of a good title that didn’t exclude half of the options) was a hotly contested spot. 

Everything else about the wedding planning had gone so smoothly, a couple of quieter shifts, a few late nights spent scrolling through Pinterest, a few nods of agreement from an increasingly bewildered Eddie and every single detail was nailed down inside of a month. The perfect wedding, everything Buck had been dreaming about since he was a kid, as well as a few things he didn’t think he’d ever get to have, all neatly mapped out in a binder that was somehow bigger than Bobby’s binder of earthquake protocols. 

The only missing piece, the only headache, was this. Who out of their 118 family was going to be his best man.

But when he opened the door of his hotel room on the night before the wedding to see his sister Maddie standing there in her pajamas, a four pack of shitty beer dangling from one finger and a knowing smile on her face, he knew he’d made the right decision. 

“Oh thank god,” Buck groaned, sagging against the doorframe in relief. 

Maddie flashed him that smile, the ‘everything’s going to be okay’ smile he’d been anchoring himself to since he was a kid, “I figured you might say that. I also figured you wouldn’t be able to sleep so I thought I’d come to your rescue.”

“You always do,” Buck steps aside to let her in, catching the two cans she throws him with practiced ease, “It’s two in the morning, how did you know I’d be awake?”

Maddie scoffed like he was a bit of an idiot for needing to ask but she loved that he had anyway, “Only every Christmas Eve, the night before every one of your birthdays, every first night of summer break for our entire childhoods? You snuck into my room for every single one because you couldn’t sleep.”

“It’s hard to sleep when you’re excited,” Buck admits, watching his sister flop down on the hotel room’s expansive bed, kicking off her slippers, arms splayed like a starfish. 

It felt good to watch her take up space. He hadn't realized until she came to LA, just how much his sister had been shrinking herself down over the years.

“Excited?” Maddie hummed knowingly, cracking open her beer with a rhythmic hiss and pop, “Or nervous?”

Buck groaned a little, lying beside her. He was suddenly transported back to all those nights Maddie mentioned, feeling so young and so small, not enough space in his body for all the buzzing emotions he was feeling. He’d always hoped that would fade as he grew, that his brain would become more manageable as the cage he kept it in got bigger. 

But of course the worry had just grown along with everything else.

“Is both an option?” he asked hopefully, taking a swallow of the beer and wincing in a way that only had a little to do with the taste. 

“Of course it is!” Maddie nudged him with her knee, “You’re getting married tomorrow, it’s a big deal.”

Buck fidgeted with the tab on his beer, pressing it down and letting it spring back, “But…are people supposed to be nervous the night before they marry the love of their life? Shouldn’t I just be happy? I mean, I am, I can’t wait for tomorrow but I’m also sort of…terrified.”

Maddie rolled onto her side, regarding him, “Buck. Have you ever been just happy? Completely, one hundred percent happy, without any guilt to go along with it?”

“Alright, point taken,” Buck grunted, chasing it down with another mouthful of beer, “Guess we’re not built that way, huh?”

“We most certainly are not,” there was a bitter humor in her voice, the kind you only got the rights to if you had a shitty childhood, “You don’t need to worry about being nervous. I’m sure Eddie’s feeling exactly the same.”

“What, you think Christopher is sitting in Eddie’s room right now, taking up all the space on his bed, drinking terrible beer?”

Maddie laughed along with him, “I mean, ideally without the beer but this is the kind of crap only teenagers can stomach…but yeah, Chris has probably talked Eddie down a couple of times. You know what they’re like.”

Buck smiled at that because, yeah, he did. They were nearly a year out from Chris coming back home to Los Angeles, sometimes it felt like a decade, sometimes it felt like five seconds. It was going to be a long, slow process, figuring out what their family was going to look like now. It was never going to be what it was but some moments, like the look on Christopher’s face when Eddie had asked him to be his best man, told Buck it was going to be something good. 

Maybe it was that thought that gave Buck the courage to unscrew the cap a little, let the words start to pour out, “I just…I know how much trust Eddie’s putting in me with this. He already went through a marriage and had it fall apart and lost his best friend. He’s had his family try and take Christopher away from him and he worked so hard to get him back. He was so…closed off when I met him and I get why, he was trying to protect himself after everything that happened.”

Maddie perched her head on one hand, voice gentle, “But he opened up for you, Buck.”

“And I just want to be…worth that,” Buck tried to find the right words, pulling his knees to his chest and leaning back against the headboard, “I just want to make him this life where he never has to worry about Christopher, he never has to be alone or afraid and he never has to feel bad about who he is. And…and what if I can’t?”

“Buck, you can’t,” Maddie sighed sadly, “No one could.” 

“I know that,” Buck grimaced a little, feeling like a child having to be told Santa wasn’t real, “I mean, God, I don’t have to tell you I didn’t have the best role models for a healthy marriage growing up.”

Maddie tipped her can to him in a dry salute, “Hey, I gave you an excellent example of what not to do? And neither you nor Eddie are abusive assholes so clearly the message got through.”

“And I’m not going to be our parents either,” Buck voice tightened with determination, “But every relationship I’ve had before Eddie has just fallen apart and…and, even if I manage not to screw things up, hurt him when I don’t mean to, there’s all the stuff I can’t control? I mean, for God’s sake, I could go to work the first day back after our honeymoon, put one foot wrong and make Eddie a widower twice over?”

Maddie stayed quiet for a moment, like she had to remember how to shoulder that reality before she could speak, “Eddie knows that Buck. Same as Athena knows it when she sends Bobby out the door, same as I know when I sent Chimney. But whenever I feel those thoughts getting loud, I tell myself that I could crash my car on the way to work, an anvil could fall off some scaffolding and land on my head, I could fall down a loose manhole into the sewer-”

“No you couldn’t, they’re made of cast iron so the weight is distributed evenly and there’s no pivot point,” Buck grumbled, “But you’ve made your point, Mads, I don’t need a longer list of things to worry about...”

“Exactly,” Maddie couldn’t help a smile, shifting onto her knees so she could lean in and tap him on the forehead, like she was drilling the words through his skull, “And my point is that loving someone is always a risk. But it’s a risk we decide is worth taking for our person.”

Buck looked at her, eyes soft and pleading, “I planned the perfect wedding for us. I just wish I could plan the perfect life too, be the perfect husband he deserves.”

Maddie’s hand fell to squeeze her brother’s, in that way that had always meant listen up, “Buck, Eddie doesn’t want a perfect version of you. He just wants you.”

Buck found himself blinking hard, folding until his forehead touched her shoulder, his answer to that squeeze of the hand since he hadn’t needed to bend at all, “Thanks, Maddie…”

“Hey. This is why you made me your best man, right?” she grinned.

“Of course. I definitely didn’t just panic and pick someone at random…”

Maddie cackled, shoving Buck off the bed, “Oh my god, shut up, go see Eddie.”

Buck managed to catch his feet without spilling a drop of his beer on the hotel carpet that was soft enough to cost more than he made in a month. He finished the rest of the can in two swallows, just to be on the safe side. 

“I think that might be against the wedding rules?” he pointed out, even as he cast about for his shoes, “Me and Eddie aren’t supposed to see each other until tomorrow.” 

Maddie gave a derisive snort, “Oh yeah and you two have always followed the rules, haven’t you? Come on. You need him right now, you go and see him.” 

Buck’s smile broke into a laugh because, of course, she was right. He did need to see Eddie.

“Your sneakers are over by the couch,” Maddie pointed out before he could even ask, snuggling back down into his bed.

Buck shoved his feet into them, raising an eyebrow at her, “You sleeping in here?”

“You’re not coming back. And I don’t want to wake Chim as early as I’m gonna have to get up to drag you back here and get you looking presentable,” 

“And you get to watch more episodes of your dumb mystery show without him?” Buck smirked as she picked up the TV remote.

“He talks during them!” Maddie waved a dismissive hand at him, “Shut up, go!”

Buck went, only pausing once at the doorway. He’d learned to never leave any of his family without saying one thing first. 

“Love you, Maddie.”

She smiled back at him, the kind of smile that grew until it spilled over into a grin. People had always told the Buckley siblings they only really looked like each other when they smiled, at least when they were kids. In the years since Maddie left home, when she’d stopped smiling like that, it had hurt Buck to know they’d lost that similarity, that someone looking at them side by side might never think they were siblings. 

But looking at Maddie now, it was like looking in a mirror. Two kids who hadn’t been built to be happy but they were learning. 

“Love you too, Buck,” his sister grinned.

The ranch house turned hotel Buck had finally decided on for their wedding venue was perfect. It was all oak panels and iron accents and willow trees holding court along a brook, exactly what he’d wanted, the kind of old fashioned, rugged beauty he’d fallen in love with watching Westerns and reading adventure books as a kid.

However, that also meant every single floorboard Buck stood on sounded like a firecracker. Not ideal for trying to sneak down a hallway past rooms that contained his nearest and dearest, people he didn’t really want to know he was up to right now, even if the wedding rules were stupid. There was a lot of wincing and freezing in place, trying to navigate a minefield of loud noise before nearly jumping out of his skin when a door opened just ahead on his left. 

Eddie stuck his head around the door, voice a fondly exasperated whisper, hand already outstretched to pull Buck into the room, “There you are! Took you long enough.”

Buck just about managed to hold in his delighted laughter until the door was closed behind them. 

The urge to pull him close and kiss him was almost too strong to ignore but made himself pause, he made himself just look at Eddie. He clearly hadn’t been sleeping either, his dark hair was sticking up in tufts, his eyes were blurry, the old t-shirt and shorts he wore were creased from tossing and turning. He was just about the most beautiful thing Buck had ever seen. 

“I needed to see you,” he murmured, he’d known it was true but saying the words turned it into something concrete, like the sky being blue or gravity pulling things towards the center of the Earth. 

Eddie tilted his head gently, leaning so his weight pressed Buck against the door, that warm solid weight that held Buck together when he needed it, “I know. Because I needed to see you too.”

That turned holding off on kissing him from difficult to impossible. Buck was smiling as their lips met, as Eddie’s hand wound into his curls and anchored there, as his hips pushed up and Eddie’s pushed down. One kiss turned into two, into three, the ground underneath Buck feeling more steady with each one. 

“You wanna talk?” Eddie breathed out along with a sigh, head resting on Buck’s shoulder for a heartbeat while they caught their breath. 

“No,” Buck answered honestly, “I want this.”

Eddie nodded, accepting that easily, pulling him towards the bed, “Then it’s yours.”

They tumbled together, the world continuing to spin even after they sank into the blankets, as Eddie kissed Buck down into the mattress again and again. Each brush of his teeth against Buck’s lip, each time his tongue slid against his own, each gasp he drew from Buck's throat, unwound him more and more. So many times he’d wished for a way to turn off his racing mind and Eddie Diaz had been holding the switch all along, able to just touch him and narrow the whole world down to only them.

“Feel like I’m making you break the rules…” Buck gave a ragged, breathless laugh as Eddie pulled his shirt over his head and threw it aside.

Eddie’s smirk was playful, hungry, “Buck, we’re already breaking every rule I was ever taught about marriage. One of the reasons it’s so much fun.”

Buck felt a shiver run down the length of him at that, breath hitching, “What are the other reasons?”

Eddie slid Buck’s shorts down his legs, sending them overboard to follow his shirt. His pupils blew wide as he opened Buck’s thighs, tongue caught between his teeth, an expression of pure awe like he was struggling to believe he was really here, spread wide for him.

“You,” Eddie said simply, his voice shaking just a little, “The rest is all you, Buck.”

He knelt between his legs, tongue quick and eager. When it touched the heat between Buck’s thighs, he hissed, the sound a fire makes when it’s finally doused with water, a kind of desperate relief. 

“Oh baby…” he moaned, legs sliding across Eddie’s broad back, one arm thrown over his mouth, the other gripping the headboard tight.

Eddie only pressed deeper, firmer, knowing that Buck liked to be flooded, overwhelmed. He didn’t pause for a moment, nosing at his aching cock while his tongue lapped, while his teeth grazed his lips. His hands gripped Buck’s thighs, thumbs stroking over the soft hairs there, the muscles of his back flexing rhythmically against his legs as his whole body worked to eat Buck out. 

Buck was helpless, caught in the tide of it all, left to muffle his cries as best he could against his own arm and hold on for dear life. He groaned, he gave strangled gasps, he whimpered Eddie’s name so many times he half expected it to be tattooed on his skin where his lips had been. He writhed, just to give them both the pleasure of Eddie pinning him, having to leverage his whole weight to keep Buck trembling there, sucking and mouthing at him until he was completely undone. 

Buck came without warning, even to himself, the tension just broke and he was falling. There was that throbbing, pulsing moment of all consuming release before he broke through and could breathe again. 

“Fuck…” he moaned, voice a faint tremor, expecting to see smoke rising from his skin as he reached down for Eddie, who was stripping off himself, “That was…”

“Just the start,” Eddie finished, moving up to hold him, arms locking securely around his waist, as safe as any harness has ever held him on the job, “Just warming you up, baby.”

Buck groaned in relief, clinging to him, pressing his heels into the small of his back to urge him on, “Thank fuck…”

Eddie was so hard his cock seemed to burn against Buck’s inner thigh, his pulse thudding just under his skin. 

“Were you thinking about me? Before I came to see you?” Buck purred, shifting until he felt the tip of Eddie’s dick resting against his entrance, “You’re pretty damn worked up.”

Any part of Eddie’s face that wasn’t already flushed turned pink, the smile that he pressed against Buck’s bare shoulder was playfully crooked, “What else am I supposed to be doing the night before marrying the man of my dreams?”

Buck shivered happily, hips twitching in impatience, “Fucking him.”

Eddie gave a growl of laughter and pressed in all the way, until there wasn’t a spare inch of space between their bodies, until he’d drawn a high, thin whine from Buck, “Better get on that then…”

They moved easily, rhythmically, two people who had been practicing the same dance over and over but still found joy and freedom and flight in every step. Buck had grown up always feeling like he wasn’t enough, like there were parts of him missing but, in Eddie’s arms, with Eddie’s heartbeat hammering against his own, he realized what it was to feel completely whole. More than enough. 

“Eddie…” he gasped, face tense as their bodies rolled, “Fuck, that’s it…”

Eddie panted heavily, snatching kisses in between low moans and ragged breaths, “All yours. All of it.”

He turned suddenly, pulling Buck over him so now he knelt on the bed, riding Eddie. Buck gave a strangled cry as Eddie’s cock was driven that much deeper inside him, bouncing hard without so much as missing a beat. The place where their bodies joined became the anchor of the whole universe, the only sounds in the world were the sounds of their hips slapping together, their desperate breath misting the air, the only heat came from Eddie’s hands as they splayed against his ass and the small of his back. The dance was becoming heedless, stumbling, something wilder and every bit as beautiful. 

Buck could hear his own pulse in his ears, bending back into those hands, spine arched like he was held in a physical grip, in the claws of something so much bigger than him. Already reeling from his last orgasm, his nerves were sparking, splitting, about to ignite. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to hold on for much longer, all he could do was hope Eddie was ready to burn with him.

“Eddie…” he panted, his voice rattling with their frantic motions. 

They’d never needed more than a word to know what the other meant, “I’m here, I’m with you baby. Together.”

Buck had always thought sex was something that made you feel small, less than you were before you started. He’d been so desperate to be wanted, to be held and desired just for the person that he was, but the meaningless hookups he’d chased would never fill that need. He told himself he wanted touch, he wanted that ten seconds of pleasure, because finding it was easy. He’d slapped a band aid over a torn artery and told himself he was fine, ignoring the hollow, aching feeling when he’d be left alone in an empty bed, everything drained out of him. 

But when Eddie said together, it was a promise. 

When Eddie’s hips snapped upwards, so hard that Buck was lifted clear off the bed by a good few inches, when he flooded him with heat that seemed to reach right up to his chest, he knew they were together. More one body than two, more whole than they ever could be apart. Buck came, hard, harder than he ever had with anyone else but, more than that, when he slumped down like a puppet with its strings cut, Eddie was there to catch him. And Buck never doubted for a moment that he would be. 

“That…that was definitely against the rules…” Eddie panted, voice raw and ragged at the edges, fraying until the laughter came through.

Buck moaned, pressing a kiss to the place where he felt Eddie’s heart throwing itself against his ribcage, like he was soothing it, “Good.”

���Do you want to talk now?” Eddie murmured, turning when Buck finally had the strength to uncouple them, cuddling close into his side to make up for the distance. 

Buck thought for a moment before shaking his head, smiling, “Nah…think I got everything I needed there.”

“Last minute nerves?” Eddie guessed, voice light as his touch, stroking a curl back from Buck’s sweaty forehead. 

“Yeah…” his smile turned coy, catching his hand and pressing a kiss to his palm, “I haven’t got cold feet, don’t worry. I just needed to remember why we’re doing this. Why it’s worth it.”

Eddie clasped his hand tight like it held something precious, shaking his head. Buck didn’t need to explain himself with him, he never had. 

“I know, baby,” he let their foreheads naturally rest against each other, their bodies fitting together perfectly like two puzzle pieces, so they’d be the last things they saw before drifting to sleep and the first things they’d see when they woke up, “And you’re feeling okay now?”

Buck just let himself be held, grinning, “Yeah. Because I love you.”

“I love you too…” Eddie said the words so softly but they were the ones that held the universe together for Buck.

The nervousness, the anxiety, it was still there, somewhere in the back of his mind. It always would be, just like Maddie had said. But as Buck felt himself finally relax enough for sleep to find him, he knew that he and Eddie would face that uncertainty the exact same way they’d start their first day of married life. 

Together. 

[tabithatwo]

I love Yellowjackets okay it’s CLEAR if you observe my insane habits around this show but listen to me stay with me they so clearly did NOT have the 96 timeline planned out enough when writing the adults in season one. Or it got changed or added to or whatever to a Strong Degree. Maybe this is execs trying to make the show and it’s characters more palatable for mainstream success?? idk it feels possible to me.

But SHAUNA? Present Shauna was haunted by Jackie almost every scene of s1. It was so painfully clear how much Jackie’s presence was felt by her entire family CONSTANTLY. The bunnies, the conversations they had, the hallucinations all of it!! Jackie Jackie Jackie dead girl alive haunting the narrative. This season? Radio silence. And like pls don’t tell me shauna just has too much going on this season to feature any Jackie haunting like rewatch s1 she was PLENTY FUCKING BUSY having affairs and being blackmailed by her husband and doing murder!!! Jackie was so woven in to her character that NOTHING was untouched by her. So what, now we’ve seen Jackie’s death in 96 so she doesn’t haunt her anymore in present?? Now the baby is the strongest presence looming over her family? (This is said in an interview with the show runners and I’ve talked about it in another post!) When it wasn’t felt at all s1? No, you don’t want to spoil things in 96 so it is tricky, but there could’ve been hints. We always knew the baby would go poorly at the very fucking least. And the lack of Jackie haunting is a HUGE change. If you don’t think so, go back and watch s1 like I promise you it was POTENT. So does shifting the cause for her violence to being heavily based on losing the baby make a general audience more sympathetic to her? I think it might.

Misty?? Crystal???? If you watch s1 present Misty, there is no presence of crystals loss impacting her. They didn’t even have Crystal as a character. Misty was shown with a very unwavering proclivity to feel EXCITEMENT during horrible things. That continued into adulthood. Yeah, as we see characters more, we get more details. Sure. But the issue is the present timeline characters are only shifting based on the unfolding events of 96, you know what I mean? Like I’m sorry but the impact of Crystal and Misty’s panic around her and this new crushing GUILT for what she’s done was not a presence in s1 adult Misty. To make way for this crystal arc, teen Misty just doesn’t give a single FUCK about Ben anymore? Not obsessing with him or controlling him? And you might say she transferred her obsession. She got bored of her toy. Okay MAYBE yes, but in present day she doesn’t transfer. Walter would be a new option and she’s locked on natalie. Adult Misty has kept tabs on every single Yellowjacket, she has room for multiple lines of obsession. Her just dropping anything with Ben is odd and what makes her more sympathetic? Being a fucking monster to Ben? Or accidentally causing crystals death and mourning her and feeling an influx of guilt for her shitty actions?

I WORRY that we’re seeing a series of unplanned (therefore unshown in the adult versions of them that we ALREADY HAD in s1) events to increase sympathy and likability. I could probably think about this for more of them but shauna and Misty really stand out. YES you can and should develop characters as a series evolves, but the issue is if you show them in the PRESENT you can’t make them EVOLVE based on what you’re revealing in the PAST, does that make sense? It can inform their present actions, you can highlight different facets of them, all sorts of stuff. But this feels like something wayyy beyond that.

I hope I’m wrong and I hope they bring it back around <3 like so sincerely <3 and if you disagree and this makes perfect sense to you I’m happy for you <3 I wish that I did not feel this way <3 I’ve been trying to live in denial land about this all season <3 but it’s hitting hard right now <3