#Asher makes me so depressed in the imperium

[soup-scope]

Imp!Babe: I love you.

Imp!Asher: It’ll pass.

[cherrybombfangirlwrites]

Screwdrivers and Cybernetic Green

Alright, finally posting a snippet for The City is Ours, yay! This is mainly character exploration for Chase, with a little bit of dynamic exploration between him and Kylee + a little bit of the rest of the team, and exploring his backstory and mental health issues. Holy shit this one got long 😅. Anyways, have Chase sad boy hours featuring the rest of the team, mainly Kylee. This takes place somewhere in Book 3 of the series, possibly late Book 2.

Word Count: 2136

Content Warnings: THIS ONE IS VERY HEAVY, PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS- discussions of poor mental health/struggles with mental health (specifically reguarding bipolar disorder, manic and depressive episodes, medications mentioned, major struggles with depression, and other struggles that accompany bipolar disorder) mentions/implications of violent ableism and police brutality towards mentally disabled people of color, mentions of mental hospitals and the abuse of patients there, mentions/implications of violent parental abuse and escaping/still being in danger of said abuse, a fuck ton of mental health issues/struggles in general, lots of feels and angst with a healthy dose of comfort, Jason is a piece of shit and we hate him, also lots of strong cussing because Chase loves his curse words

Note: This is my first time writing Bipolar Disorder, and I intended for Chase to have Bipolar 2 specifically. I did a lot of research before writing this, both educational and the personal experiences of real people with bipolar disorder, but I am no expert. I would really like the representation I write about groups I am not a part of to be as accurate as possible- so I would love some constructive feedback on what I did good and what I can improve on, if any bipolar people would like to give me some input I would very much appreciate it. Also! it's not explicit here (but it will be elsewhere in this wip) Chase is also Pansexual and Aromantic, uses He/They pronouns, American Romani, and Jewish- in case anyone new would like to know <3

TCIO Taglist: @friendlyneighborhood-writer @jessica-writes22 @rose-bookblood @yejidoesthings @space-writes @cljordan-imperium

General Taglist: @enchanted-lightning-aes @thatprolificauthor @wip-nook @writeblrsupport @outpost51 @dustylovelyrun

Nickelle walked out of her room into the kitchen/living area of the base, and found something that made her stop in her tracks.

Chase sat on the floor, surrounded by haphazardly made and sloppy projects, intensely working on a little robot that looked like an action figure, it’s head on backwards and arms falling off. His hands were shaking, and he was grinning giddily as he worked intently.

This was the third night in a row that this had happened, so she texted Asher and Bryson to have them initiate their plan.

Asher joined Nickelle a minute later, and gently said to Chase, “Hey buddy. Have you been up all night?”

“Yeah, why?” Chase asked, not taking his eyes off his project.

“No reason, no reason,” Asher said, “Um… did you take your medications last night?”

“No,” Chase said, “Why would I need them when I can make perfect machines like this, these are all amazing and I’m the best engineer there is and I don’t need drugs for that.” They set the project down, and it immediately fell apart.

He didn't even notice as he picked up his next project and ripped the head off. Then they picked up a screwdriver as Bryson came in.

Bryson went over, and placed a hand on Chase’s shoulder as V and Kylee came out to join them.

“Chase,” Bryson said, “Let’s get you some sleep.”

“Sleep?” Chase said, his eyes bloodshot and his head drooping, “I don’t need that, I’m too busy with these.” He gestured to the projects surrounding him, all sloppy and falling apart. “Aren’t they beautiful? They’re engineering masterpieces, no one can match them…”

“Yes, they are wonderful,” Asher said, “And these projects will be waiting for you when you’ve gotten some rest.”

“But you guys need me in the chair to hack stuff. I’m so good at hacking stuff, I’m the best. I’m not tired, I don’t need sleep. I’m the hacker, the tech guy.”

“You are, you’re the best hacker and tech we have,” Nickelle said, “But we’re not doing any of that today.”

Chase’s expression turned down, and his shoulders slumped as he came crashing down from the high for the first time in days. “But I can’t, I can’t sleep. Not that it matters, nothing matters. And I’m not good at anything and I’m an imposter and a terrible worthless person and I don’t deserve sleep anyway-” He sucked in a breath and hugged himself.

“We can help you with sleeping, and don’t forget you’re a valuable member of our team,” Bryson said, “Do you have clean pajamas to change into?”

Chase nodded, and let Bryson help him up.

“Ok, go take a warm shower,” Bryson instructed, “It will help you relax, then change into clean clothes and take your medications. And if you need, there’s more we can do to help you sleep.”

“Ok,” Chase said softly, clenching his hands in fists, “I’m sorry- I’m sorry- I’m stupid- I’m-”

“No,” Bryson said gently, “No you’re not. You’re one of the smartest people I know. And even if you weren’t, you’re my friend, and I care about you.”

Asher went to his other side and placed a hand on his shoulder. “It’s not your fault, now let’s get you some sleep.”

After Chase took a shower, taken his medications, and changed into clean sweats, they put on one of his favorite movies and settled on the couch with him.

It wasn't long before Chase was fast alseep, wrapped up in a blanket with his head on V's shoulder.

~~~

“What the fuck did you just say?” Chase asked, his voice dangerously low.

The room quickly went dead silent as he looked up and glared lasers at Jason.

Jason scoffed, “You don’t get to be an asshole, just because you have a mom that doesn’t love you, that’s not an excuse-”

Chase slammed down his drink on the coffee table, splashing the liquid a little. He stood up abruptly, and the others scrambled out of the way as they stormed over and grabbed Jason by the collar.

“You don’t get to say shit about my mom, Richens. You understand?”

Jason put on a not very convincing brave face and spluttered, “I was just-”

“No,” Chase growled, “You can say whatever offensive thing you want to me, and it doesn’t hurt more than what I’ve had to deal with my whole life.” His voice got dangerously soft and even again. “But you do not get to say shit about my mother. You know why?”

Jason looked to the others for help, and they looked everywhere but him, not saying a word. “Um… why?”

“Because you will never understand that my mom tried to love me. She really did. You will never understand what she went through to get me as far away as possible from my sperm donor. You will never understand what she went through to try and keep me and stay with me, despite how she was not in a good place financially, and despite how having me triggered much worse and longer depressive episodes and she could barely care for me. You will never understand how it was in vain because even with her mom’s help, she ended up getting sent to a psych ward where she's treated like shit when I was four, and hasn’t left since.”

Chase’s voice got dangerously even. “You, asshole, will never understand what it’s like to have a mother who did so much for you to get at least a decent life, and only get to see her once. And when you do, she’s so far gone she doesn’t remember anything or recognize you. You will never understand what it’s like to inherit those disorders from her, that she inherited from her father who drove his car off a cliff, and have to live with the fact you might end up with a similar fate- crashing my car to take my own life or lifetime in a mental hospital where I won't get basic human decency.”

They let go of the shirt, and Jason let out a breath but didn’t move- frozen under Chase's icy glare.

“My mother tried to love me. She really did. It’s not her fault that she ended up with the conditions she did, that her dad killed himself when she was a teenager, and then an awful man that took advantage of her vulnerability. And it’s sure as hell not her fault that she got sent to a psych ward before I was barely old enough to form any memories about her.

So you don’t get to tell me that she didn’t love me. Maybe she didn’t. Maybe she did but only a little. Maybe did love me a lot, once, but doesn’t remember enough to love me anymore. But I do know that she did everything she could because I was just a baby, and she’s my mom and she didn’t want someone else to end up with her fate. However much she loves me, is of absolutely no concern to you- don’t speak of my mother ever again, do you understand?”

Jason nodded, staring in slight terror.

“Good,” Chase said. They grabbed their drink off the table, and then disappeared into his room.

Several minutes later, Kylee knocked on the door with her signature knock, and Chase said gruffly, “You can come in Ky’.”

She entered his room. It was dark other than the light from his computer screen and a desk lamp. Clothes and empty soda cans were strewn about the room, blankets and pillows thrown haphazardly on the bed where he sat cross legged with his laptop.

Kylee gestured to a spot next to him, and he gave a short nod. She pulled out her phone, and typed on the screen, “Are you ok?”

“I’m… fine now, I guess,” Chase said with a sigh, “I just- I’ve never talked about that before. Not to anyone but Nãni, and even then it was only a bit when I was younger, after…”

A flash drive was plugged into his computer, and he was clicking through photos. They were of a much younger boy that looked like him- with medium brown skin, and a sloped and round nose, though the boy's hair was much curlier than Chase's- and an older woman with similar features. One of the photos however, instead of the two people from before, was of a woman with very dark, long, and curly hair, a big round and sloped nose, and dark brown skin. She had a neutral expression, and in her arms was a baby that looked like her bundled up in a white blanket. They stopped on that photo.

He said softly, “I do have one memory of her, before they took her away…”

Kylee pulled their knees up to her chest, and lightly rocked as she listened.

“She took me to see robot fights, because I saw them on TV once and thought it was cool as fuck, so she got tickets for us to go see a tournament live.” A small and sad smile appeared on their face. “We got uh- tacos, at a taco stand on the way home.”

He bit his lip as tears glistened in his eyes. “A few days later, she had a psychotic episode, the neighbor reported it, the police came, they decided she wasn’t fit to care for a child even with Nãni’s help, and…” Their breathing shuttered. “The cops yelled at her- there was so much yelling- , used much more force than necessary, and then one pulled out his gun- Nãni convinced him to put it away because I was there. One even called us some slurs, though I didn't know what they meant at the time.”

After a minute he said quietly, “I don’t remember much actually, most I know of what that happened that night is what Nãni told me. I just remember yelling, so much yelling and it was loud, and my mom… begging to stay with me. She- she thought my piece of shit dad there and that he was going to take me away and hurt me.

I don’t know a lot about my father actually, my mom didn’t tell Nãni much about him, and my mom didn’t tell me anything other than I wasn’t safe with him, and Nãni told me most of what she knows. All I know is it was bad enough that my mom risked a lot to leave with me, and that I have to be careful to make sure that he can’t find me.”

After a beat of silence, Chase continued, “The cops dragged her out of the house… they used more racist slurs on top of all that too… I cried for hours and didn’t sleep at all that night- at least that's what Nãni says.”

Kylee typed on something on her phone and held it up. “You saw her once after that?”

Chase nodded, wiping away tears with the back of his sleeve. “I was eleven, in middle school, in the top of my math and science classes. I’d even made a few friends in robotics club.” They swallowed harshly, pressing his hand to his mouth for a moment.

“The um, mental hospital was cold and white all over, and the doctors there didn’t care, you could tell. Nãni had to fight tooth and nail to get them and the courts to let me see her. When I went in two of the nurses followed with a security guard. She was-” They sniffed, pulling his sleeve over his hands and holding it to their mouth as tears flowed freely now.

Chase continued in a croaked voice, “There was some furniture in there other than the bed but it was all round and smooth surfaces. Even the handles and lights. My mom was sitting on the bed, staring out the window. She didn’t recognize me, or remember anything that happened. She was mostly gone at that point.”

He smiled a bit. “I did end up hacking into the cameras of that place though, idiots didn’t even notice or realize.” His smile fell. “I stopped after I saw her psychotic episodes…. she’d see my dad taking me away and they would use a lot of force until they could put her under. Then she’d wake up and forget again…”

Kylee typed something, then backspaced and typed something else. “Question.”

Chase shrugged. “Shoot.”

“If bipolar disorder is inherited, and it comes with psychotic episodes, does that mean you get them like she does?”

“I… haven’t had any psychotic episodes yet, but, um… My psychiatrist thinks that I may get them when I’m older, like my mom and grandpa. We’ll see when we get there I guess, and we might add another medication to my already long list of meds I need to take.”

“A psychotic episode is like hallucinations, right?”

“It can include hallucinations, but psychosis itself is more like… disconnect from reality, and you don’t even realize it. I can be pretty dangerous, especially if you’re with a person who may want to hurt you, or if you end up hurting yourself.”

He took a deep, shuddering breath. “It honestly scares me that I’ll get an episode for the first time while I’m alone or with a person who doesn’t care what happens to me. Or worse they’ll hurt me, or call the police and have me thrown in a-”

He squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his fist.

Kylee leaned her head on their shoulder, and they sat in silence for a long time.

[horriddler]

playlist for my beloved redacted babies [2]

kinda had a hard time making these but i have just made asher and geordi! + ivan and an imperium playlist

emo punk asher

really likes paramore and fall out boy in all honesty. also let’s say this playlist is all the (music) phases he has been in ever since he was a teen and now compiled with his current music taste!

him in the 2000’s was like hell for david because asher had this jukebox that he plays emo music with full volume sometimes.

david listens to ash ramble about the new blink 182 album coming out when they were young LOL and sometimes davey can’t admit that he likes some of the songs ash plays in the car.. (david’s playlist says so)

ash had loads of piercings (nipples, bottom lip, septum, etc) and those spike accessories but now took most of them off which made the holes close up :’)

loved to lie about his fake tat

geordi (kin???&:&-)

take it or leave it, this is just geordi’s (aka mine) spiralling anxiety and the playlist is just a brainrot of him

he gets one of my favourite genres and the funny haha songs that makes your brain shut off because he’s depressed and overstimulated like that

this adds to the fuel for cutie because fuck geordi’s a really tender guy and seeing how his mind works?? unfiltered? that’s just hell especially for geordi’s way of deep thinking. i see geordi as me really. but i see myself as cutie too.

mm literal brainrot

sadism’s hold ivan

hoho..hohohooh i’m fucking proud of this one

i felt a little happy and some morbid concern here but i think i did a pretty good fucking job idk

his disturbing vibe during vega’s manipulation is just fucking incredible to me. he is what my pinterest looks like.

caravan adds a nice touch to this playlist (if you watched whiplash)

ivan i love you, you my bbg but holy fuck you’re complex and i’m so attracted to it

but anyway

laplace’s angel (hurt people? hurt people!) by will wood could be his song mwa mwa + moon age for some disturbing touch!

imperium album

okay i literally have no idea why i made this but i just let it be because why not, you know??

idk what to say…LMFAOO

this playlist could be disturbing to some people so i have to put it out there to be careful!

if imperium had a trailer, i’d make abbey by mitski as the trailer soundtrack just like the ‘smile’ movie trailer, random thought but oh well

——————————

but that’s actually it, it’s nothing special! just wanted to add a little more characters that i’m familiar with and i plan to add more (vincent maybe? and all other characters) when i know more about the lore and stuff.

it’s totally fine if you don’t feel my song choices the way i do ykyk, it’s my music taste after all!! nothing wrong with that but if you do enjoy it, i appreciate you so much ^^

but yeah! you can follow my spotify to see more playlists in the future or the current ones i have aside from redacted. i hope you have a wonderful wonderful day

ps. i have a migraine so i might come back here to edit the grammar stuff so my apologies if i’m bad at the english here… xoxoxooxo

[fuzzy-melonlord]

I posted 11,200 times in 2022

That's 8,022 more posts than 2021!

7,237 posts created (65%)

3,963 posts reblogged (35%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@bruh-im-aggro

@vampire-bite

@the-stray-liger

@fuzzy-melonlord

@magicalballerinaprincess

I tagged 7,950 of my posts in 2022

Only 29% of my posts had no tags

#imperium 6.0 - 996 posts

#anon things - 897 posts

#superhero au - 840 posts

#imperium asher 🐺 - 628 posts

#imperium 5.0 - 606 posts

#morgan 😘 - 521 posts

#dr. collins 🩺 - 419 posts

#mafia au - 330 posts

#viktoriya anon 💙 - 318 posts

#pirate au - 309 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#i was written by a movie director who only has the female lead running around in just a tshirt and underwear because they have depression

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Milo: come on, try seeing things from my perspective!

Asher: *crouches down*

Sweetheart: *sits down on the ground*

Milo:...I will kill both of you in your sleep.

137 notes - Posted January 19, 2022

#4

This can be found on the Freelancer's fridge.

300 notes - Posted February 17, 2022

#3

Things Redacted has given us about the Shaw pack boys (this post is a joke)

Milo: Last name, BOTH of his parents names.

David: Last name, Dad's name.

Asher: 🖕🖕🖕

317 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

#2

I will apparently never stop making these! Last one is a spicy one, just a heads up

***

Darlin: when have I ever done anything rash or irresponsible?

David: i have a list. Its alphabetized

***

Vincent: Lovely, that was intense to say the least. Everything okay?

Lovely, giving two thumbs up: nope

***

Damien: whatever you're thinking right now, stop

Gavin: what?

Damien: you always make that face when you're about to say something stupid to piss me off so cut it out-

Gavin: i love you

Damien:...

Gavin:...

Damien:...

Gavin: also cereal qualifies as soup

Damien: I fucking knew it

***

David: how did you guys get arrested

Angel: Honestly, I have no idea. We didn't do anything wrong.

Babe: when the cops pulled us over and said "papers", Angel said "scissors" and sped away

David:...

***

Damien: What the fuck is wrong with you.

Freelancer: I will try to be brief. (1/435)

***

Huxley: Are you seeing anybody?

Kody: No, why? 😏

Huxley: I don't know I just think a therapist or something might really help.

***

See the full post

323 notes - Posted February 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

More incorrect quotes because why the fuck not

***

Angel, holding onto David as he drags them around the house: you can't move

David: ....

Angel: conced defeat! You have been conquered!

***

Darlin: I've...come to ask for your help. I dont think-

David: wait, wait. Shhhh

Darlin:...

David: ah, moment savored.

***

Sweetheart: I wasnt injured. I was lightly stabbed.

Milo: I'm sorry...you were STABBED?

Sweetheatt: lightly stabbed

***

Freelancer: I've only had Caelum for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

***

Asher: When I was a kid, David told me that the paper strip that’s in the chocolate kisses were edible and I ate them with the chocolate for a year.

Babe: I mean, they are!

Asher: FOR REAL?

Babe: No! Why did you fall for it again?

***

Freelancer, flopping dramatically into Gavin's lap: Tell me I'm pretty.

Damien, from across the room: You're pretty annoying

***

Aaron: Smartass sneezed and I accidentally said "shut the fuck up" instead of "bless you"

Ollie: how do you accidentally tell someone to shut the fuck up?

Aaron: Very easily as it turns out

***

Asher: you know what would be sexy?

See the full post

589 notes - Posted January 31, 2022

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