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spoken-outofturn · 9 months

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rough dives.

[1,858 words]

It was a particularly rough dive.

Lu Guang used his powers to get a clearer picture of the timeline the client was asking for before coming to Cheng Xiaoshi with the picture they needed to dive, as he normally does, but what the client wanted was not particularly easy to find. Meaning, Lu Guang had to dive into at least 20 pictures himself before pulling Xiaoshi from the darkroom to jump.

The client was looking for clues on her long-lost lover. That much Lu Guang was able to piece together through his own research—that helpful tidbit of information was not given to him before starting on the work. All the client had told Qiao Ling was that she was wanting to find clues as to where her old university roommate had disappeared off to after graduation.

It would have been helpful to have the pictures timestamped. It also would have been helpful to know that it wasn’t right after graduation when her old roommate had disappeared.

Instead, Lu Guang dove into at least 7 pictures alone to piece together when all of them were taken. Then, it was sorting out their last semester living together, the days leading up to graduation, the day of graduation getting ready in their dorm together, their fight a week after…

He had written out the important details he found; he wasn’t an idiot. But the information overload was starting to weigh on his brain.

He was going to need a long nap after this one.

But the work wasn’t over yet.

Lu Guang knocked on the door of the darkroom. “Hey, Cheng Xiaoshi, found the one we need to learn more from. I think there was something the roommate said to her, but the client wasn’t paying enough attention for me to catch it. I also think there was a train ticket in the roommate’s purse that might give us a clue as to where she went.”

The door slid open. Despite it being almost nine in the evening, Xiaoshi was still as peppy as ever. Which really didn’t surprise Lu Guang—his partner did just get done with developing the last of some wedding photos they had shot over the weekend. The smile that greeted Lu Guang eased some of the pounding in his head. He couldn’t help it; if Xiaoshi was happy, it always lifted Lu Guang’s spirits too.

“Alright! Another dive? Its been almost a week and half. You sure you’re good to dive tonight though? I know we just got this client this morning…” Xiaoshi trailed off, letting concern leak into his voice. It made Lu Guang’s mouth twitch into a small smile, against his will.

“Yeah, it’s all good. The quicker we get this done the better, and it shouldn’t be too hard of a dive.” Xiaoshi simply looked at him with that hint of concern behind his eyes for a moment, but eventually stepped out of the dark room and closed the door behind him. “Alright, navigator, I trust you.”

Cheng Xiaoshi always said those words so easily, and Lu Guang always had his breath catch on the honesty they held.

They trailed into the living room, Lu Guang handing the picture over to his partner. “Alright, you know the rules…” he let himself trail off, sending a pointed look at Xiaoshi. The dark-haired man may trust him, but he always seems to need reminding of their rules.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I only get twelve—” “You only get twelve hours. Follow my lead and change nothing. Lastly, past or future—” “Past or future, let them be. I got this, and you’re by my side as always, my guide.” Xiaoshi winks at him on those last words, clapping his hand on top of Lu Guang’s.

“Idiot.”

--x--

At first, nothing appears to go awry. By all accounts, it’s the smoothest dive they’ve had in a while, especially as Xiaoshi didn’t need to continually be punched in order to obtain the necessary information for their client.

The issue, in fact, didn’t even come from Cheng Xiaoshi, as the recklessly empathetic man is prone to causing.

It was from Lu Guang himself.

First, there was a deep throb deep in Lu Guang’s head. He brushed it off—it wouldn’t be the first time he used his powers with a migraine.

Then, it was the silence.

“Cheng Xiaoshi? I caught what I needed to of that conversation, but I need you to wait before trying to find the train tickets.”

Silence.

“Cheng Xiaoshi? …Xiaoshi! Answer me if you can hear me.”

--x--x--

It wasn’t often that Lu Guang had genuine panic creep into his tone. “Lu Guang? Hello?” The sigh that followed would have sounded exasperated to anyone who didn’t know Lu Guang. But Cheng Xiaoshi knew Lu Guang. Better than anyone. “Hey you went dark on me there for a second, is everything okay?”

The silence returned.

Xiaoshi waited a few more seconds before trying again. “Guang Guang, I know you like to tease, but I do need instruction.” The teasing tone in his voice was mostly for himself—he cannot panic now, not in the middle of a dive, not in the middle of a conversation with the target of the client’s inquiry.

--x--x--

It wasn’t often that Xiaoshi completed a job by himself. In fact, he could really only say he entered a photo by himself once before. But he knew there was only this one chance to use this one photo to get the client’s information. So, he carried on, but only for exactly as long as he needed to.

Lu Guang was not responding. He tried about once a minute to reach out to his partner, each time to no response. He got the train line and the name of the destination that was on the ticket hidden in the roommates’ purse, then did what he has only needed to a few times before.

He pulled himself out of the photo early.

Landing on the couch, he immediately rushed to Lu Guang’s side, where he was slumped on the floor, almost like he was on his way to the kitchen and simply passed out. The panic that Xiaoshi suppressed when he was in the dive resurfaced, tenfold.

He rushed to the white-haired man’s side, dropping to the floor next to him. “Lu Guang, Lu Guang!” He took his partner’s head and maneuvered it into his lap. He checked Lu Guang’s pulse; normal. He watched the rise and fall of the man’s chest; normal. He let out a breath of relief—at least he still had his best friend with him. Now all he had to do was figure out what was wrong with him.

Unconsciously, he started running his fingers through the white locks in his lap while he thought. Lu Guang had absolutely overworked himself that day. He knew it by the extra tired look in his eyes when he had retrieved Cheng Xiaoshi from the dark room. He had been through bouts of fatigue before with his powers, but it had never caused him to outright pass out before. Right?

Or had he simply never noticed?

Lu Guang was always doing what amounted to reconnaissance for their dives the day or two leading up to Xiaoshi entering the photo. Had this happened before? Had Xiaoshi simply overlooked what was happening to his best friend, to his partner?

The guilt started to well up in Xiaoshi. How had he not seen this coming? Why didn’t he push harder for them to wait another day to dive? How many photos had Lu Guang looked through, and why didn’t Xiaoshi notice?

“Hey.”

His thoughts were immediately cut off as he whipped his head back down to the man still in his lap. Whose hair he was still carding through with his fingers. Whose tired eyes were lidded, but open, and focused on him.

“Lu Guang.”

It came out like a blessing, breathless and full of relief. His partner was awake.

The man looked up at him, eyes sharpening. “This isn’t your fault, Xiaoshi. I should have known my limits… no, I do know my limits and I surpassed them anyways. This is not on you.”

Xiaoshi didn’t know if his emotions written all over his face, or if the other man just knew him that well. He had a sneaking suspicion it was the latter. A small smile broke out over his face at the thought. It faded back into a small frown, however, before he pointed out, “I should have paid better attention, Lu Guang. I know you, and I knew you were tired before we dove. I should have realized how it would affect you.” “There was no way for you to have known, idiot. I just need to rest, and I’ll be back and running in no time. And this isn’t an example for you to follow, you know, you shouldn’t test the limitations on your powers either.”

At that, Xiaoshi truly smiled. If Lu Guang was lecturing him, even from the spot he himself passed out at with his head in Cheng Xiaoshi’s lap, that meant he was feeling okay. Shaking his head, he couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped him. “You always feel the need to nag, huh? Well, shops closed tomorrow—no objections!—and you can nag all you want while you rest.” Lu Guang made to open his mouth but Xiaoshi covered it with his free hand, only letting the man make a muffled sound of protest in response. “Nuh uh. No objections,” he taunted with a smirk.

Letting his hand still from where it was moving through the white hair, Xiaoshi made to shift his weight to stand. A shadow of disappointment flashed briefly over Lu Guang’s face, so brief if he hadn’t known the man for as long as he did, he would have missed it. But he didn’t. A small grin replaced the smirk on his face, and he ruffled the man’s hair before picking him up, supporting him under his knees and around his torso. Lu Guang all but squawked.

With a laugh, Xiaoshi made his way to the stairs leading to their bedroom with Lu Guang in his arms. “Remember, no objections! You need rest, doctors’ orders.” “You most certainly are not a doctor,” was the only grumbled reply Lu Guang gave as they made their way upstairs. “Maybe not, but you most certainly need rest. And you’re taking the bottom bunk tonight, you don’t need to be climbing a ladder.” Lu Guang wrinkled his nose at the statement. “You haven’t washed your sheets.” “I did them three days ago! I wash them weekly, you know this. What, you can’t handle a night in my clean peasant sheets?” All he got in response was a deadpan stare. Xiaoshi sighed dramatically. “Fine, I’ll replace them with your spare sheets. Then I’ll wash both sets tomorrow. Deal?” A ghost of a smile passed over Lu Guang’s face. “Deal.”

--x--

It was a particularly rough dive.

But they always pick each other up again.

#link click #lu guang #cheng xiaoshi #shiguang #fanfiction #man I love these two #I needed a bit of fluff #so I wrote myself some #praying I portrayed their characters well #characterization is one of my biggest pet peeves #well #ooc characterizations I suppose #but these two deserve a bit of fluff and happiness

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ezlebe · 2 years

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i would love to see your take on a soulmate au

Disclaimer: this is a prologue/part one to a fic that will be on Ao3 in like a week or so, and I do have like four soulmate AUs, but this is the oldest WIP; I've been writing it since Dec 21 according to the timestamp, so I have to get it done first. I'm forcing myself.

“Is that your mark?”

“Oh, yeah,” Tom says, flushing some and peeking down at the veritable smudge on his arm. It’s not exactly his best feature – other people have little charming stripes or an animal, lines from a poem, and he’s got… none of that. Hell, Shiv herself has that cute blade at her ankle.

Shiv stares for longer than is strictly comfortable.

“It’s not really any sort of shape,” Tom laughs, a little awkward, thinking she might be trying to figure it out. “It’s a Rorschach, I guess. Or, well, that’s what one doctor said.”

Shiv raises a brow and touches just lightly around it. “Like the ink blots?”

“Yeah, just like,” Tom says, then he turns his arm a little to look at the inside of his bicep, tapping at the mark in some urge to cover it up – to make her stop looking at it. “I guess whoever my soulmate is, they’re a little different depending on who’s looking at them.”

Shiv hums lowly, then finally looks up from it, as a sharp grin slips across her mouth. “And you, too, huh?”

“Sure, honey,” Tom laughs, then spreads his arms across the cushions of Shiv Roy’s big sofa. “What do you think?”

“I didn’t know you had a cousin,” Tom says, looking at Cousin Greg-not-Craig across the field. He waves with a curl of his fingers when Greg looks over, getting a wave back, and there’s something at the back of his head insisting he walk over there right now, but he manages to stay planted beside Shiv and sips his coffee. “He’s kind of… freakishly tall, honey.”

Shiv exhales a snort, tipping her head, and noticeably doesn’t look over in his direction.

“What’s his story?”

“…Why?” Shiv says, markedly stiff and chewing at the inside of her cheek.

“He’s your cousin?” Tom suggests, then smiles and nudges a bit sideways in an attempt to gentle rib, not actually making contact with his elbow, still clutched around the watch box, but keeping the sentiment of it. “I don’t want to get on his bad side.”

“He doesn’t matter,” Shiv says, taking a drink of her coffee. The response isn’t exactly a shock, since she’d said the same about Kendall and Roman, but Tom had thought they were past that point with her family. “He’s the black lamb of the black sheep of the family. He’s probably here for a job.”

“Oh,” Tom intones, finding his interest inexplicably piqued, as he looks over again in time to watch Greg fumble a test throw. He feels a smile briefly flickering across his face, before he can control it, and looks back to Shiv with a raised brow. “What’s his degree in?”

“I don’t think he has one,” Shiv says, peeking in the same direction of Greg, then shaking her head in a pair of jerks. “You should really just forget him, Tom.”

“There’s not enough people here to forget him,” Tom says, pretending to count all the heads with his coffee cup, then pausing on Greg with a tip of it forward and a shuffling step. “I’m going to introduce myself better.”

Shiv exhales a harsh, irked breath. “Tom.”

Tom looks back with a start, something tightening at the base of his throat at her unhappy tone. “Shiv?”

Shiv is quiet for a few tense seconds, then lifts her coffee to down the rest in one surely scalding gulp. “I think… my dad wanted to talk to me – you should give him that. If you have to talk to Greg, do it after the game.”

“Oh, alright,” Tom says, falling back on his heel and making to follow Shiv, trying not to look nervous when she leads him straight to her father.

~10~

“What do you think would happen if you –” Shiv clears her throat, tucking a stray lock of her hair over her ear. “Ever met your soulmate?”

“Huh?” Tom looks up, thinking he must have heard wrong, as he pockets his phone and decides just to concentrate on the day – his first day onboarding at Brightstar Adventure, a softball – rather than any that might come after it.

“Your soulmate?” Shiv repeats, walking a little quick through the lobby, as they make their way to the scan queue to get up the building. “What would you do? If you met – ” She hesitates, oddly, eyes darting to the side. “Her?”

“I don’t know, honey,” Tom answers, holding out his badge when it’s his turn at the stile. “I can’t imagine loving anyone more than you. I guess they’d be out of luck.”

“Tom!” A voice calls from behind him, vaguely familiar, and he turns around to see Greg at the guest entrance. He’s wearing that awful coat again, but there’s a peek of a suit under the zipper, so at least he’s halfway to respectable.

“Hey!” Tom waves back, then gestures toward the elevators, watching Greg flail, and almost laughs as he turns back to Shiv. “Why do you ask?”

“Curious, I guess,” Shiv says, pressing a bit hard on the up arrow for the elevator. She glances back out toward the lobby, then up at the descending numbers, lifting a shoulder in a tight shrug. “I read an article.”

Tom hums a high pitch, legitimately surprised, even a bit shocked; he thought Shiv couldn’t care less about that sort of thing. “Oh, was it very interesting?”

“Uh,” Shiv intones, making a sideways sort of smile. “Sort of? I just… It seems so fake, you know, like shit just for movies. But people do meet.”

“Yeah,” Tom says, as he nods, stepping into the elevator behind her at the ding. “My aunt and uncle are soulmates.”

“Are they?” Shiv says, plainly surprised, peeking up at him through her pale lashes with a narrow look.

The reaction isn’t entirely unwarranted – hardly anyone meets a soulmate, unless they’ve uploaded to a match site, and Tom’s aunt and uncle are too old for that’s sort of thing. Tom debated the idea of it himself, once or twice or many times in low moments, but in the end he found them too terribly unromantic and not worth the background check. He’s met Shiv, anyway – they just work and he’s happier with her than he could be with anyone else.

“Their marks are Canis Major,” Tom says, then laughs, thinking about the last time he saw them, only to feel his mood dip a bit when he realizes it’s been years since he even last checked up. “Kind of a downer, though – they’re cosmically perfect for each other, but my aunt’s left my uncle about three times, because he won’t stop cheating on her with ol’ Mary Jane.”

“Why does she keep going back?”

Tom tilts his head with a pointed raise his brow. “Uh, well, she loves him, honey. And most of what he does when he’s high isn’t all that bad – except burning down a gazebo.”

Shiv is quiet a beat, then huffs, a smile glancing across her mouth. “Ah. That Mary Jane.”

~9~

“You were out with Greg?” Shiv asks, after Greg has bundled out of the apartment with a warm, dryer-fresh blazer in his hands. She’s holding on to her elbows, pacing, and it’s nice for her to ask after his night, despite being clearly more distracted with Kendall. “All night?”

“Yeah,” Tom says, clearing off the table with a glance backward, then hastily sneaking a last lick of peanut butter. “I had the reservations already and he deserves something, you know. After the thing.”

“Did you – ?” Shiv pauses, then makes a noise similar to the one she made finding out Kendall sunk his ship. “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah, actually,” Tom says, looking up and feeling a smirk at the corner of his mouth. “I made him eat ortolan.”

“Oh jeez,” Shiv says, then laughs, but it sounds oddly forced.

“Yeah, you should’ve heard him,” Tom says, feeling his smirk spread to a full smile, a fond pressure building behind his sternum. It’s been a while since he really clicked with a friend. “Um, Tom, uh – do I like have to? He’s so susceptible to peer pressure, honey. He’s like an extra in a DARE campaign.”

Shiv stares for a pair of beats, then raises her brows with an unreadable look across her face. “So I guess you’re not going to fire him?”

“No, no,” Tom says, halfway rushing the words, a little unsure where she’s gotten that from – he hasn’t suggested it. “He’s great. I told you, he’s my guy – my R2. Or, well. Tarkin? Unless, I’m the emperor, then he’s Vader… but your father is probably the Emperor. I think I called Ken Vader? Although, I guess… now he’s Luke?”

“Whatever.” Shiv scoffs under her breath, expression souring while a pinch rapidly forms at the corner of her mouth. “Are you sure we’re still talking about Cousin Greg, though?”

Tom feels off balance at the sudden scorn on her face and the honest insult in her tone. “…Is he not great?”

Shiv rolls her eyes, “No, Tom. He’s not. Like, come on, he – He can… barely talk.”

Tom feels his own expression gradually drop to a frown, strangely feeling sharply offended. “He can talk just fine, Shiv. He just gets nervous.”

~8~

Tom squeezes his eyes shut, then winds his hands into fists and drops them to his knees. He has to get it together – he can’t… It’s his wedding day.

“Good run, honey?” Shiv asks, slipping into the room with her hair a mess of pins. She stares at Tom for a beat, then her voice drops, “Or not?”

“I’m not supposed to see you,” Tom says, trying to keep his voice light and managing to give her a smile.

“Oh, I’m not in a dress, yet,” Shiv says, dismissive, reaching into the closet and sweeping hangers back and forth, clearly unable to find something inside it. “Seriously, though – who pissed in your Cheerios?”

“I got in a… bit of a tiff with Greg,” Tom admits, taking a deep breath, then reluctantly starting to pull at the sleeves of his workout jacket. He’s a little glad Shiv is here, even if he doesn’t want to really look at her – it makes him feel a little more real, like what he did wasn’t just an overreaction; like what he did was justified.

Shiv glances over her shoulder, hands going still inside the closet. “Oh?”

“He tried to tell me something,” Tom says, throwing the jacket onto the bed next to him with a hard shake of his head. “I didn’t want to hear it. You know?”

“Oh, yeah?” Shiv says, suddenly beaming, in a way that he almost isn’t sure he’s ever seen; it’s beautiful, if a little off-putting so sudden, and he can’t help but smile back when she approaches him to actually grab at his shoulders. He can’t remember the last time she got so handsy. “You shouldn’t be thinking about anyone but me today, anyway.”

Tom laughs, tightly, then nods with a short drop of his head. “Sure.”

“Just don’t think about it,” Shiv says, letting go after another squeeze, then throwing her hands up and going back to the closet. “Apologize after the ceremony, if you have to.” She scoffs, “Or don’t, maybe. I don’t even know why you put up with his crap.”

Tom furrows his brow, as he looks up to watch her pull a little box from the closet. “Why do you hate him so much, anyway?”

“I don’t hate him,” Shiv says, not particularly convincing in her tight voice, opening the box to reveal a set of earrings from within it. “He’d have to matter for that, Tom. I just don’t think he’s worth anyone’s time.”

~7~

“She knows who your soulmate is,” Nate says, voice tight and vindictive, as he pours his wine back in the bottle. “So this? Isn’t going to last. You shouldn’t expect it to last.”

“Wh-What?” Tom sputters, watching Nate fumbling the bottle, almost snatching it back out of his snickering fuckhead hands. “Why would you even say something like that?”

“Because it’s true,” Nate says, looking up at Tom and setting his empty glass on a table with a heavy thunk. “She knows who it is.”

“No, she – ” Tom rolls his eyes, affecting a harsher sneer. “Sure. Who, then, BJ Ballsack?”

Nate has the gall to laugh, clearly aware he’s gotten through to Tom. “I don’t know, man. She didn’t tell me. But it sounds to me like she’s known a long time. The whole time.”

Tom shakes his head. “She wouldn’t –”

“She did let slip it was a guy,” Nate adds, wetting his lips with a pointed raise of his brows, a not-so slick glance up and down Tom from his oxfords to his open collar.

Tom feels his words die and swallows hard.

Nate barks a mean laugh. “That’s what I thought.”

~6~

“Wait, what the hell is that?” Shiv asks, glancing over her shoulder with a wide turn of her head down the hall, where a simple man is making some fool of himself shoving a desk into different corners of a very small space with the glee of a child on Christmas morning. “Why is Greg getting a real office?”

“Oh, just a – a reward as part of some restructuring, honey,” Tom says, scratching just under his tie while refusing to glance in the same direction. “He’s figured out a way to lay off a lot of dead weight. Did you know ATN isn’t completely digital?”

Shiv is quiet for a few beats, rolling her lips together. “Sure. And what does – ? Cousin Greg figured a way out of that?”

“Yeah, for sure,” Tom says, giving in and looking over his shoulder, incidentally catching Greg when he pokes out of his office with an overly eager grin and a… slinky? He shakes his head hard, throwing out a dismissive wave, as he turns Shiv in the other direction. “So you know… new office, new title, make him feel a little special, so he doesn’t jump ship.”

“You don’t need to make him feel anything, honey,” Shiv says,reaching up and oddly clutching at Tom’s upper arm, then all but tugs him into the door of his own office. “He’s got nowhere else – if he jumped ship, he’d drown.”

“He could be headhunted,” Tom says, swallowing hard while glancing down at her grip across his arm, too purposefully digging into the patched soulmark under his shirt. He looks around, wondering who she might’ve seen – not that he cares about, or believes, what Nate Sofrelli said in some obvious moment of jealousy, but… it sticks in his craw a bit, the way she’s been asking around and showing up on the floor since he’s started at ATN. It’s great to see her, but it almost feels like she’s waiting to catch him at something here. “Lucky we didn’t bring him to the Pierce country asylum, huh? He would’ve integrated with those poindexters in a half second.”

“You know…” Shiv releases her grip with a bland smirk. “Dad once spread a pretty nasty rumor that Nan was Marianne’s real mom.”

Tom barks out a laugh, trying to imagine how that might even work. “Really? That is funny.”

~5~

Shiv’s eyes linger over the railing, with a crooked edge growing at the corner of her mouth. “But Nia Bayton, huh? I never would’ve took her for your type.”

“I – I really wasn’t going to close the deal, honey,” Tom says, a little wary that she might be trying to find some similarity in a woman that he was mostly just schmoozing to pass time, or… worse, wondering why he wasn’t chatting up someone leaning more masculine. What he’s really been doing, though, is just waiting while Greg wanders around doing Greg things, like eavesdropping, typically, before settling down into a booth to hear the resulting dispatch. “Light flirting.”

“Uh-huh,” Shiv says, as the crook switches to the opposite side of her mouth, then her eyes focus directly at Tom while a brow goes up her forehead. “I heard you came here with Greg, anyway?”

Tom blinks and stares for a beat, then glances down the floor to see if Greg might be down there, but he’s… not, so it seems, and he’s difficult to hide. “I did, but I think he went to get a drink? You don’t need to talk – ?”

“No,” Shiv interrupts, a bit forcefully and smiling through flat lips. “Just wondering… You know, you don’t have to hang out with him outside work. If he’s dragging you down.”

“Dragging? He doesn’t have the stomach for that kind of direct action,” Tom says, laughing a bit too loud, maybe, and thinking of Greg’s recent foray into blackmail. He probably should feel less eager to share his company, but… it’s just Greg. “Roman’s around somewhere, you know; I’d be more concerned with him throwing off the groove.”

“Sure, okay, but maybe what I’m really saying – ” Shiv smirks and leans into his side with a playful jab of her elbow against his side. “Is I’m here, right, so you don’t need to worry about anyone else tonight. Huh?”

Tom offers a laugh, then a nod, feeling the night slip through his fingers. He had been almost looking forward to hanging out with Greg later tonight; the actual day was a bit shitty, but it had felt like they’d been in sync, too, bracing each other against the hordes of Arc’teryx and Berghaus.

He peeks sidelong and incidentally catches the man himself across from them on the other platform, only a few feet from Nia’s table. He watches as Greg glances at Shiv, then winces, somewhat theatrically, and Tom ultimately bobs his own chin to the side in a subtle dismissal slash goodbye.

Greg offers a drop of his head, answering with a wan smile and a sendoff in the lift of his hand.

“Tom.”

“Yeah, honey?” Tom looks back to Shiv with a smile, but it fades when he sees a brief flicker of upset. “You okay?”

Shiv presses her lips flat, then tilts her head with an affected beat of confusion. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

~4~

Tom stares out across the water; glittering and glimmering and beautiful on the surface, cold and deep and dangerous just underneath. He listens to Shiv turn a page on her book, smack her lips, and is unsure if she’s actually reading or just pretending to, but she had also dragged him out here on a nice little jaunt after volunteering him for prison, so what does he know. She maybe could just go back to a book after he tells her that he’s feeling pretty damned awful about their relationship. She even could be, probably is, hiding his soulmate from him, too, which might be some kind of messed up romantic, if she even cares about him that much; he really… He just can’t tell, anymore. The whole five year plan has gone to shit.

“Have you really never even thought about it?” Shiv asks, her voice tight, and a wrenching, evident stuffiness to her tone. “Not even with…” Another page turns, so pretending to, turns out. “I don’t know, Tom, maybe just someone at work?”

Tom feels his jaw clench until he could swear he hears a creak, squeezing his eyes shut against the glaring sun. Okay, fuck. “What? Who – who are you trying to… I don’t even know, foist upon me now?” He asks, turning to look, as he flicks his hand back and forth in a brief, tired gesture. “Or is it some other – no, Shiv. Did you really not… listen at all?”

Shiv shakes her head, palm against her forehead while she scratches further into her scalp. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Then who?” Tom asks, voice pitching and wondering if she knows what he’s asking her; does she know that he knows, too? “Who do you mean?”

Shiv drops her hand down her shoulder, until it’s clutching at the back of her ankle curled up to her chest. “No one, Tom.”

Tom digs hard into the sand under his fingers, annoyed at an intrusive thought that she might mean Greg, somehow, as the only other person that Tom ever sees to entertain in any given free time. He’d even sulked yesterday evening away on weak mimosas beside Greg, despite their lingering Senate tension, who gambled on the life of his Nintendo and his tiny pixel farm from the hot tub. He also got mild heat stroke and swooned like a princess, so… maybe, it’s better that Tom was there to rescue all three of them.

Fate, and everything cliché, hah; too bad Greg always, always wears a patch, like a married man.

~3~

Shiv peeks into Tom’s office after a brief glance backward, leaning into the jamb. “Thanks again for handling that minion wrangling,” she says, a smile flashing, in a way that could only really be described as polite, across her mouth. “I guess Dad tried some talk earlier that just ended in Greg pulling a Greg with him.”

Tom rolls his lips against each other for a brief few seconds, then nods with a drop of his head. “He did imply that when I was down there, yes.”

“I knew you could do it,” Shiv says, brows raising sharply up in some facial version of a double thumbs-up. “You and him, you… you know. Speak the same language or whatever.”

Tom idly moves his mouse across the browser on-screen, as he swallows hard; he wonders if that makes him more or less part of the family. “Right. If you say so.”

“You didn’t promise him anything, right?” Shiv asks, voice dropping, as she shoulders her way a little further in the door, though she still doesn’t actually enter it. “It’s fine if you did, honey, but I kind of need to know what it was.”

Tom looks up and… realizes he didn’t, actually, he didn’t offer Greg a thing, which makes it even worse. It was purely pity. “No. Nope, your private jets are safe. We just had a talk about… where we were going, you could say.”

Shiv goes immediately, oddly cool at that, mouth pinching as she lifts her chin. “What do you mean – as in, together?”

Tom turns his hands across the desk with a croaking laugh, gesturing at the binders, the business cards, and the general disgusting miasma of his current existence. He thinks nonsensically about the mark on his arm and wonders despairingly if his soulmate on the floor, or upstairs, or whoever he is, also calls him terminal. “Me. Prison, Shiv.”

“Oh.” Shiv clicks her tongue, canting backward on a foot. She seems to think for a beat, then her eyebrows go straight up, refocusing on Tom with a tight smile. “No, honey. That’ll work out.”

~2~

Tom squints down at the city while riding out a throb between his temples, as the fuzzier details of last night filter through in achy bits and pieces. “Do I remember your brothers – all your brothers – getting into it a bit last night?”

“That was just – just typical Rome. No biggie.” Shiv says, flipping her hair across her shoulder. She briefly peeks up while peeling a yogurt, fingers fiddling with a spoon. “…How about you? Saw you slip into Kendall’s fucked up version of a – a tunnel of love with Greg. What was that about?”

“Yeah, hah. He… dragged me in there to brag that he’s got himself a real live woman to agree to date,” Tom says, uneasily remembering the… compliment tunnel, whatever the fuck Kendall thought that was except a scream for help, in woozy swoops of blue and green. He recalls most of all his head feeling thirty feet off his shoulders, unmoored and unreal, except when Greg’s big hands would intermittently tug him back to the floor. “…With a ponytail, I think. She works for Kendall.”

Shiv doesn’t respond for a few beats. “Oh,” she says, in a tonal hum markedly punched out around her spoon. “Huh. Good for him.”

Tom furrows his brow at the window, then briefly glances over his shoulder just to make sure it’s Shiv sitting behind him. “…You think so?”

“Yeah, Tom,” Shiv says, digging at the yogurt with a harsh scrape of the spoon against the glass cup. “He needs to talk to people outside you.”

“Sure, but,” Tom says, looking back out across the balcony with a few blinks, ignoring the twisty, queasy feeling in his gut. “He does, though, honey?”

“…And Kendall, I guess,” Shiv says, as the yogurt lands down onto the table with a series of clinks of spoon and cup. “Hey, maybe now you should try to get some breathing room without the whole legal fuckshow hanging over your head.”

Tom drops his eyes to the brazier that he failed to destroy all the papers in that night. He swallows hard, then glances again over his shoulder. “You think that’s a good direction?”

“Yeah,” Shiv says, shrugging with a smirk and a light furrow of her brow. “Why not?”

~1~

“Hey, yours is a little arrow? That’s cute,” Roman says, angled into the back of the lounge sofa. “I’ve got a cat nose or something.”

“I’ve seen, Roman,” Gerri hums, which is disturbing news on all fronts, since Roman’s is notoriously in a particularly private area.

“Not juicy enough?” Roman whines, exhaling a sing-songy breath. “Oh, hey, guess who has one of those ink stains for crazy people?”

Tom freezes in the archway, not all at once, but more a cold washing over him slow and painful. He glances across the hedges to Shiv badly hiding a sneer at her mother, sourness settling at the back of his throat.

“Cousin Greg,” Roman says, stage-whispering now with a lean over in front of Gerri, blocking her view of her table. “On his arm. You know how he always keeps it covered, even though he’s not married? It’s ‘cause it’s a total eyesore.”

Tom finds himself gawking in askance, bodily slanting into the arch, and feels something like horror, but more like epiphany, bait his breath. He glances toward the other side of the gardens, where Greg is awkwardly nodding at the nameless Contessa. No… No, what? That can’t be –

“Then how do you know?” Gerri asks, snide and unworried, peeking over her shoulder to settle a dubious look on Roman.

“When we were kids, we sort of almost drowned him,” Roman says, wry, but with a badly hidden note of what might actually be guilt at the back end of his trailing laugh. “Connor heimliched him.”

Gerri tuts lowly, annoyingly unworriedby this confession of near murder. “Roman.”

“We were like eleven!” Roman says, shaking his hands out in half-hearted defense. “Shiv was who saw it, first, after Connor pulled him out. Told him he’d never find his soulmate because it was just a big ugly mess like him.”

“Hardly anyone does, to be fair,” Gerri says, humming, then tilts her head to show Roman something on her screen that makes him shrug. “Though I’m sure that’s hard to understand for a child.”

“Oh yeah, for sure,” Roman says, leaning into the arm to perch while swiping at the screen. “He almost died, then Shiv told him he was unloveable, so… yeah. Shitty day for Greg the Egg.”

~0~

“Why?” Tom repeats, exhaling a weak, creaking laugh and spreading his hands at his sides. “Why, you ask? Because you’ve spent the last four years of my life fucking jerking me around, Shiv.”

“Years?” Shiv repeats, incredulous, and it’s almost more painful that it seems like the timeline of the accusation is more she has an issue with, not the act.

“Cousin Greg has an ink stain,” Tom mocks, pitching his voice up high to match Roman’s nasal.

Shiv’s jaw drops slightly while her eyes go wide, markedly darting toward Tom’s arm, then back to his face with a lift of her chin. She looks like she might say something, for a beat, then presses her lips in a blanched line.

“Yeah,” Tom says, halfway choking, furrowing his brow tight over his eyes and refusing to let his burning eyes go further than discomfort. “Guess who has a big mouth.”

“So? This is it?” Shiv demands, arms wrapping tight at her middle and offering a jerking nod to the space between them. “My whole life crumbles in a fucking hour?”

“An hour, Shiv, you –? You know, I…” Tom says, weakly, feeling something awful tighten and shatter behind his ribs at how easily she is going to let this happen between them; he thinks about the lawyer he called months ago for a fucking timeline, and wonders if she’d be so shocked by it. “I could’ve lived with it, if you actually loved me, or never mentioned you don’t love me, or maybe even if you just… stuck to our original plan? But… what was it – just a big power trip, stringing me along an-and watching me ruin what I might have had with my soulmate?”

Shiv offers a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it instant of guilt through her pinched expression. “No, Tom – ”

“I hit him when he told me you were cheating, you know,” Tom interrupts, wetting his lips and forcing himself to look her in the eye, as he continues, though he doesn’t expect much more visible sympathy, or really any at all. “I had him incriminate himself for your father’s company; I threw him to the fucking government wolves; I – I made a fool of myself to him a number of times at your behest, quite recently. I sometimes think he hates me, Siobhan. I can tell when he looks at me sometimes that he wants me anywhere else on the planet.”

Shiv rolls her lips together, reaching up and rubbing at her brow with a harsh, shaky inhale.

“But I… I do love him. Almost since I met him,” Tom laughs, wetly, looking down at his hands and catching on the glitter of a largely meaningless symbol. “What is it about him, you know? What was it – I couldn’t fucking figure it out.

“And not an hour ago, I had to bribe him to stay with me on this,” he says, yanking the ring off, swallowing hard, then slamming it out onto the table between them. “With Waystar. Because otherwise, he would leave me, after everything that’s happened between us. Everything that wouldn’t have happened, if you had just… told me who he was. He was all but there when I fucking proposed to you, Shiv!”

“Why’d you do it, then?” Shiv asks, taking a horrible, loud sniff and attempting to disguise it with turn of her nose. “Propose to me; stay with me; try to have some kid, if you –”

“Because I got attracted to other people, too,” Tom says, throwing his hands out while shaking his head in a rapid movement. “But we’re not the same, Shiv! I hate what happened to our relationship – that I wonder if we… Were we ever even on the same wavelength? Because I thought we were, for a long while there, and I know you know that – everything we talked about… or did you just think it was alright because you weren’t my soulmate?”

Shiv takes a sharp breath, glancing away from Tom in a rapid blink. “Does he know?” She asks, tightly not answering him. “Did you tell him?”

“No,” Tom says, aching, looking down at the ring, then away toward the shadowed window. “You can, if you want.” He shakes his head. “I don’t think he’d even believe it.”

Shiv is quiet a few beats too long, then tightens the arms she has around her middle. “It’s not my business.”

“It used to mean a lot to me,” Tom says, voice hoarse and chest so tight that it feels like his heart must be bursting against ribs. He looks at Shiv, wrapped up around in herself, and he looks down at the ring, thinking about when he wouldn’t hesitate to reach for her, but… “Since I didn’t get it until later? I know that’s bullshit.” He drags his teeth hard across his lower lip. “Now I just get to wait until Kendall offers him a fucking Maserati and he hangs me.”

#tomgreg #the prequel part of the soulmate AU #or i guess a prologue #words hard

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bruiisedpetals-a · 1 year

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long NON RP RANT — about work bc the audacity!?!??! tldr: a girl who had applied and interviewed and confirmed her trial shift to be a barista last week and was V EXCITED so we cancelled another person for her trial .... showed up, said hi, chatted a bit, had a look inside, then said she was going for a walk to look around the area bc she isnt a local, and within 5 MINUTES (literally. five) ghosted, disappeared, text my boss and said “yeah nah bye”, and left me alone handling the whole place. cue endless work for me w double the usual customers, and a shift that lasted three hours longer that it should have bc of the ghosting.

rel context: i work in a small coffee & bagel place, two people on one shift: one on coffee & point of sale and another to be the cook, we also have two online food delivery providers so we take orders in person and from two apps + i’m a barista and have line cook kitchen prac & experience so am actually a ‘cook’ ig?

so i mentioned in my post when i was half asleep yesterday that i had a new person coming into my workplace for a trial today, so i stayed late to prep for weekend trade + restock stuff, and came in early to set up everything just in case. we were v busy yesterday with food as it was so i had a lot to restock, and w mothers day tomorrow everything needs to be topped up more-so. that a lot of work by itself to be honest but manageable in between cooking, esp when you have an extra set of hands when its quiet to help. look if you have seen any cooking show you might see that set up, prep and pack down take THE LONGEST ok.

— our permanent staff consists of me and K, we have two other locations so we get help from Z and J, and they can usually cover the shifts that K and i can’t (eg. K can’t do saturdays, i cant do every 3rd tuesday) but they manage other locations so they are not available without prior notice. so basically the only person who was available to work today was me, even my boss was busy moving house w his wife, 4mo and two under 8yo’s. —

this morning i’m at work at 7am, turn on things etc, set up my cooking stuff, open the coffee machine, nothing crazy. at abt 7:45am im chillin outside having a coffee and a smoke and someone walks up and it turns out to be the trial girl. we chat a bit etc, i show her inside and the machine (she’s a barista and i’m the cook on shift) — i say that i just heard from my boss myself, bc she had spoken w him earlier that morning, and he’s on the way and should be here within 5-7 mins ***technically we open at 8am but i was waiting for my boss but had checked the time to keep track & i had just text my boss back so i saw the timestamp***

so at 7:59am i head inside after i finish my smoke and she’s going to have a look where i told her there is free close parking for next time bc she took the train, at 8:04am my boss walks in and goes “WOW IT’S 8:04AM AND SHE’S NOT HERE lmao” (he did not yell it he’s a g - that’s just how i knew what the time was alksjfhg) and i go “no she’s just having a look down [street] bc of the parking i literally saw her a few mins ago” and proceed to open the doors etc. meanwhile i see my boss on the phone calling her, after a moment he comes over with a Whole “i cant fkn believe this” Face on while he’s on the phone. i’m thinking “??? i hope trial girl didn’t get lost in these lil crossover streets damn”

(it’s 8:07am, from now the customers start. they DO NOT STOP until at least 11am, it was at least double the normal turnover of profits during that time so thats ur ref for how BUSY it got)

boss goes “ur not gonna believe this” and show me the mssg from trial girl who basically has said “hi i went to ur shop, and i had a wander around the area and its just not good enough for me so i’m on my way home”. she’s GONE. in those five minutes. she got up, lied to me, and was at the nearby train station leaving. boss is floored and i’m like !>?!??!?!@#!#?who IN THE FK does this?!?!? but the customers so *professional me is present rn*

between her and boss there’s a little back and forth (text, she wont answer any calls) where he literally pleads with her bc there is NO ONE who can come in an assist me and she confirmed yesterday and she WAS HERE, she continues to be like “mmmm well ik that we discussed this and i said that i would be here and its been set for days and i applied LAST WEEK etc. but... no sorry im going back to bed” and then blocks him.

& this whole thing takes place between

7:59AM — 8:07AM.

i was there from 7am - 4:35pm / my usual saturday is 7:45am - 2:30pm

WHO DOES THAT. WHO IS THAT UNPROFESSIONAL. WHO??? WHOMST??? SHE WAS SO FKN RUDE I WAS liVID. LIKE. why LEAD us ALL ON. we all need to make a living do U THINk he can afford to lose a whole day of trade?? he’s got a whole FAmILY and his wife cant work rn bc she’s just had their 3rd child. i live PaYCHECK to PAYcheck. like this is life this isnt a game???? you are 29YRS OLD why cant u act grown

#ooc. out of ink ⋯ skye posts #( this is long bc it's literally my stream of thought and i needed to get it out of my head alkrjhfg )

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geronimomo-spd · 1 year

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ALRIGHT SO IM DONE WITH THE CREED OF THE KROMON BUT JESUS CHRIST NEVER AGAIN, wow

she is so lucky she does not remember any of this, because if she remembered she might have just emotionally explode she might have forgotten but i never will get the images in my mind out jesus Christ even so there were some funny lines and bizzare deliveries of otherwise annoying lines and a lot of mental blocking from my mind but i will say this

as usual spoilers under the cut!

Crizz is wonderful and interesting, i liked how he and the doc worked together in the end, good for them, i did notice how they were really honering Crizz and the guy who protects the borders's words put it into horrible context but i do like Crizz as a simple guy who just got incredibly traumatised and now looks for meaning in the doc and charley, and he is just so sweet and caring so that's nice!!

im gonna take a fucking nap, or eat something, ir watch a funny movie!! heck i need a fucking shower, anything to forget this

ill try to keep it short but they turn Charley into a fucking slug, its horried, discusting to listen to, and a complete step too far, GOOD FUCKING JOB THEY MADE HER FORGET THIS BECAUSE IF THEY EVEN EXPECTED HER TO REMEMBER A SMIDGE OF THIS EPISODE I WOULD HAVE STEPPED THROUGH MY SCREEN AND SLAPPED THEM, like!!!! what the actual fuck!!!!

AND THE FACT THEY MAKE YOU LISTEN TO EVERY, SINGLE, STEP, OF IT, LIKE PLEASE GOD WHERE IS YOUR HONOR, i genuinely hope they are stopping with this horrible physical horror to her because this feels like peak!!!! fuck!!!

heck i am very excited about the next episode and i was planning to start it right away but fuck i need a break jesus, C'rizz feels nice but he is not worth it for this episode, like i can sort of develop a timestamp map of like, important moments with Crizz you need to know and then not listen to anything else but that would mean relistening to this and no thank you, at this point just read the transcript and move on.

i thought nothing would beat the saddness of Minuet in hell's breaking down a mentally ill amnesiac doctor for the hell of it unpleasantness, but this is just worse, THEY COULD HAVE JUST SKIPPED SO MANY KF THE SCENES WITY HER AND JUST KEEP THE FOCUS ON C'RIZZ AND THE DOC NEAR THE END AND THAT'S IT BUT NOOOOO, i don't even know if this is objectively horried as i think, all i know its just generally unpleasant and discusting and not building up to anything interesting like Scherzo, jees

why is this one weirdly funny like I don't wanna compliment this one but it made me giggle several times lol, it was weirdly witty ill tell you that much!! and some cute (??) Charley and Doctor friendship moments in the beginning but yeah,

also after forcing the doc to drink the elixer and then he just drowns them all with hus tecno babble i will talk until i die science talk abd littiraly making them explode from an experiment that he made them do was so awesome, using the power of infodumping for good!!! overall some cute moments, but absolutely horried moments that are not worth it lol, fuck

ok funny deliveries and fave qoutes lets go!

Doctor: i have to, sorry, stand still, please! Charley: no. oh doctor, I don't need a hug Doctor: Su Shaka ha!

awwwwww the way he was like WRAAAA to fuck up some spirits, the shouting has been put to good use!!

doctor: we can worry about his interest when we find the old girl (the tardis) Charley: yeah, i never thought i'd miss her so much lol

after Zagreus it makes absolote sense that Charley is surprised by how much she misses the tardis!!

where are you from? Doctor: Gallifrey ;)

not the doctor saying Gallifrey with such weird sense of pride and zest and anger, the hater of Galifray, my idiot

"you must have some use, what is it? Charley: i've often wandered"

CHARLEY LOL

C'rizz: how will we Doctor: we will use our wits Charley:that bad ah?

LOL YEAH they are finishing each other's sentences hehe, C'rizz is fitting in quite well

Any objections? doctor: yes!! Crizz: ...yes? overolled!"

LIKE WHY WAS THAT SO FUNNY TO ME I MIGHT JUST BE PANICING BUT LOLOLOLOL why is this one witty???

"do we wish to pollute our gene pool woth her mental stubbornness and immaturity?" Charley: Immaturity??? what??" Doctor: "Charley is not more immature then i am!" HE SAID IT IN

SUCH A WEIRD WAY LIKE WHATTT LOL

#doctor who #dw #eighth doctor #8th doctor #charley pollard #c'rizz #i can finally tag c'rizz!! fun #i wish it was in a better story though lol #8th doctor big finish stuff #8th doctor listenalong #the creed of the kromon #glad i finally finished this

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firespirited · 2 years

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I gave the heads up to mum that I'd brought up the touchy subject of missing memories with sis and how I hadn't wanted to catalogue any of it, other than taking note that she's in pain (wondering if i made it worse) and maybe that subject is something that i need to work on (cue deep dives and extensive personal re-examination) because she's a grown woman who's asked for independence in all things medical and got *herself* a therapist. I contribute when she has clues for me ("1st day of period or minipill withdrawal = very dark time" led to pmdd or pme. Two years ago I realised that her insomnia meant she was constantly stopping and starting a medicine cold turkey when it's one that requires slow uppage/downage - we've had to taper down over 18 months to get to a half dose) so there is a certain amount of collab work as she knows me well too and can better remember how long I've had this stupid earache for example. I was able to say that I do not want to be backed up if sis needs mum on her side, I don't care about being right and can cope with being hurt as it's an expression of anguish what matters is that we help her pinpoint whatever's causing this so she can choose how to proceed. I might need help with dates and times though as my memory is swiss cheese. Ultimately i'd rather drop it entirely if it's a sticking point, it doesn't happen often anyway... so she can focus on other symptoms of hormonal inbalance.

Finding the balance is hard but getting better between wanting to protect my (not so little anymore) sister from everything and respect her autonomy... I trust her and asked if she wanted to know first and that any notes taken would be available because it's a diagnostic tool nothing more.

Mum's like "yes she's in pain and that's the sole issue so i try to ignore anything that seemed out of character as just meaningless self defense 'make it stop' words." (man alive, I wish i could attain that level of chill) and she goes "Oh and i have plenty of recorded timestamped moments as she has those paranoid arguments with me on WhatsApp." 👀 hokay. Of Note: i mentioned to mum that sept to nov 2021 i vague posted a lot and apparently that when sis was off the pill.

So yeah i got myself all worked up for both conversations and both went fine. We won't mention so much as mood swings unless it aligns with the dates and sis *wants* to mention it.

And after my benzo/ssri withdrawal after surgery where I became utterly convinced mum hated me and basically got a taxi driver to sneak me out of hospital and lately my very rude troglodyte grunts to 'get out, get lost' when I get sleep deprived, they've promised to always keep me fully accountable too.

Today's dr visit is going to be interesting, the ultrasound dude last week refused to scan sis' lipedema which insults both the endocrinologist and our doctor who prescribed it together. The tech hinted there's some sort of drama going on between the local xray, ultrasound clinic techs and the local doctors. Our dr is tuned in to all the feuds, she'll tell you to remove prof Ys papers from your file before showing it to prof X because he has beef with prof Y (usually some old funding or tenure grudge)

#saf #Personal #I'm so grateful

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enhypia · 3 years

Text

JS ; exes

exes answers questions with the choice of drinking instead of answering

pairings: park jongseong x gn!reader

genre: angst, mild fluff

words: roughly 1.7k

masterlist ⸺ series masterlist

~guides and warnings~

italics - reader speaking

bold - jay speaking

[enclosed] - interviewer speaking

italicized bold - both reader and jay speaking

[enclosed bold or italics] - question (depends on who's speaking)

heavily inspired by: rec.create lie detector games, cut truth or drink

warning: contains and mentions of !!! drinking, swearing, neglect, breaking up

i don't promote underage drinking, save your livers

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

hello, i'm (y/n)

and i'm jay

we're (awkward eye contact)

uhh we're exes

[you guys were invited here today as exes for a fun little drinking game, you guys were aware of that right?]

yes

yup

*interviewer shuffles awkwardly

sorry it's just, our friends were the ones who signed up for us

yeah, we just found out about it three days ago

[but are you guys still okay with doing this?]

we're okay

just give us a few minutes to get used to environment

*(y/n) chuckles

[okay, for this game, questions will be asked and if you refuse to answer, you drink, it's that simple. are you guys ready? should we start?]

*jay nods

ready as i'll ever be

[how long were you guys together?]

we were together for almost 3 years

[how long have you guys been broken up?]

about a year and a half now

[who broke up with who?]

i did they did

[why did you break up with him?]

so this was all a year and a half ago okay? no coming for jay, he's grown, we've grown

thanks?

you're welcome

*jay laughs

uhh.. it just really reached a point where i felt neglected in a way? and it was just tiring? i kept thinking 'do i deserve this treatment?' and i hated that i was doubting everything, including his feelings. so i just said let's talk about it and then yeah we split up

*jay drinks and (y/n) laughs

sorry sorry

nah i just needed that

[okay, how about we officially start the q&a portion between the of you now?]

*both nod and played rock paper and scissors to determine who gets to ask first, jay wins

*he picks up a card and facepalms after seeing the question

goddamn

should i be scared?

not sure, but you might opt to drink though

[do you blame me for what happened to us?]

oh my god *(y/n) laughs

i know right

so we're unpacking emotions today? okay noted

you can just drink if you're not comfortable with it

i'll drink but i'll still answer, might ease your mind no?

*jay couldn't stop his head from nodding

*(y/n) drinks

i admit that i blamed you at first, but then i got to thinking that it wasn't just you, i was also at fault too since i never really vocalized what i felt? i just let it build up until it reached the point where you couldn't do anything about it anymore, and i couldn't too.

yeah but it's more of my fault since i felt something was wrong but i just brushed it off, i brushed you off.

....

shot?

*jay smiles slightly and both raised their glasses to cheers before drinking

we were both at fault and i don't blame you, jay. i hope you stop blaming yourself

*(y/n) smiles softly then picks up a card to stop any reply they might get from jay

god why are these questions so heavy? it wasn't like this from other episodes

*jay and crew laugh

okay, hit me

[what's your biggest regret about our relationship?]

what the fuck

SEE ?!

*both laugh and jay drinks

okay, next question

no, i'm answering

[we won't stop you but just reminding you both that it's okay not to answer if you drink]

the alcohol releases the unhinged-ness

in other words, this is really just us using the alcohol to actually say what we feel

i think you already the answer, and it's that i didn't do anything about us even if i felt something was wrong. i just kept on focusing on my career that i reached a point where i brushed everything off as nothing. and in the end, while i got the success i wanted, somehow i also feel like i'm on the losing end really.

*(y/n) drinks making jay laugh

what? it's my first time hearing all this !

it was a rough break so

omg is this our closure ???

*jay's eyes widened

and it's filmed ?!?!

*everyone laughs

couple goals *(y/n) does a hashtag

oh wait *(y/n) looks at jay

exes goals *both do a hashtag pose

*they laugh, ignoring the sting in their hearts

okay, okay moving on

*jay laughs again

is it a heavy one again?

nope

[do your friends hate me?]

*(y/n) bursts out laughing

please 😭

we have the same friends

we share a lot of mutual friends

that's why there was like tension for a month in the friend group because no one knew what to do

i'm sorry you had to endure all that friends

remember when they literally made an organized schedule to hang out where we wouldn't see each since the break up was still fresh?

yeah like i got heeseung on tuesdays

and i got him on thursdays

😭😭😭

we love them though, they did their best to console us both

thanks guys <33

*(y/n) picks up a card

goddammit

[do you think we could've actually worked out our problems?]

i think it's unfair that i get a lot of heavy questions

i have the power of god and anime on my side today

i think we could've, if i just had taken the actual time to reflect and sit down and talk, we could've worked it out.

*(y/n) slaps jay's arm

i told you, stop blaming yourself

*(y/n) rolls their eyes

*jay picks up a card and

what?

*he is stuttering guys, he is fidgeting

[do you wish we were still together?]

yeah

.....

*both drink

i mean-

*jay has been paralyzed, he did not expect (y/n) to answer

i'm happy where i am right now, maybe there are moments of weakness that the thought crosses my mind but i don't dwell on it too much. i think we're both still learning and growing.

*jay doesn't want to think about the fact that (y/n) never said a clear yes or no

*(y/n) picks up a card and groans

please just drink to this

why?

[what do you think of me now?]

....

drink.

no?

why?

because-

why?

i'm answering

why?

i want to?

no.

right now i'm just really proud of you.

*WORLD PAUSE, (y/n) is malfunctioning

it's a little sad that i didn't get to witness a lot of it but i promise i watched from afar and i'm so proud of you. like it makes me feel lighter in a way? knowing that you're still going and pursuing your dreams. it just made me at ease that -

*(y/n) drinks, looking very much like snow white's apples

are you blushing?

jay i will kick you

*he laughs and pinches (y/n) cheeks making them redder, (y/n) slaps his hands away

i won't hesitate bitch

how about you huh?

[what do you think of me now?]

*jay you should know not to tease too much or else it'll bite you back

i think you're absolutely amazing.

*jay could only blame himself

i am in constant awe and there's this pride that i have in me whenever i see you thriving. it's weird because i thought i'd be bitter about it, but since i knew of your goals and how passionate you were, all i felt was pride. it did hurt a little that i couldn't go "that's my baby!" anymore.

*alert! jay's ears are red and it's spreading to his cheeks and neck

okay next question!

*he quickly picks up a card making (y/n) burst out laughing

everything i said was true though.

hajima. stop. pause. i'm not listening

*(y/n) laughs at flustered jay

this is the last one.

[question for both: if you could tell me anything, what would you say?]

sheesh

same

rock paper scissors? loser goes first

*jay wins

*(y/n) drinks

can you turn around for this one, like don't look at me.

*jay followed

i want to say that,,,, that it's not your fault for putting your future first. it kind of stung since you made me feel like i wasn't a part of it but i know that wasn't your intention. i understand your actions and i don't blame you. if i was in your position i probably would've been the same. i'm sorry that i didn't try harder, like you said we could've made it work but i just got so tired, i hope you can forgive me for that as well.

okay i'm turning around as well, your turn

*(y/n)'s eyes are glassy, but jay doesn't need to see that

i want to say that i'm sorry for neglecting you. i feel like you're tired of me saying sorry but that's really all i could do. i forgive you by the way even if i don't get why you're apologizing to me. i also want to say that, it wasn't you. it sounds cliche but you weren't the reason i became like that, it was me. it was never you. so please don't blame yourself for anything. please don't question your worth because you were more than enough.

yah i didn't want to unpack that

well i still know you and i was given the chance to say it now so

*(y/n) turns around wiping tears, jay is sniffling

i need a drink damn

*(y/n) pours a shot and jay as well, both drink after clinking their glasses

[you guys good?]

*both looks at each other and chuckles

we're good

i can't believe we have to thank our friends for setting this up

*jay groans

[care to answer one last question that is in everyone's minds' right now?]

oh god

is it what i think it is

[will we see you guys be featured again? maybe exes to couples again?]

let's drink!

*both take one last shot and waves to the camera

*(y/n) shrugs and jay winks

bye~

»————-　♡　————-«

bonus: youtube comments (peep last one)

masterlist ⸺ series masterlist

a/n: i was planning to post this sooner but my pharma prof suddenly dropped a 6-page activity lmao rip, im scheduling the timestamps i forgot to post last update sorry sorry. my angst skills are subpar forgive me but i tried my best. i hope you like this one too !! jake's will be uploaded next ! please look forward to it <33

343 notes · View notes

whatifyoulivelikethat · 3 years

Text

love letter, m | jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

summary: Jeon Jungkook gets love letters shoved in his mailbox and under his apartment door all the damn time. You, too, get love letters shoved in your mailbox and under your door. All the time. It could be a sweet gesture, but this is the twenty-first century. Love letters aren't all they're cracked up to be.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; short graphic descriptions of sex acts; smut (fem reader, a very intense make-out session including some wild tongue and too much saliva, nipple play, a bit of m-receiving oral, cowgirl, handjob); non-idol!BTS – technically university, blond, softsub!Jungkook x working, softdom!reader; slightly desperate and needy JK

yes, yes, it’s MTV Unplugged ‘Telepathy’JK

"I'm so tired of people thinking they have a chance with me."

Was the exasperated declaration as you backed up into your apartment, only to turn around and witness Jeon Jungkook dumping a waterfall of colorful envelopes from his giant black backpack onto your hardwood floor.

"At least remove your shoes before you start flaunting how hot you are," you replied dryly.

Jungkook rolled his eyes as he kicked off his large white sneakers. "Look at this shit! It's relentless! It's annoying! I just want to live my life!"

You vaguely recalled Jungkook being excited about his first love letter upon reaching university, and then the second, the third... and now you were staring at pile number five hundred on your doormat. "I don't know, put a sign on your door? 'Please stop, the answer is no?'"

Jungkook winced. "I can't do that. How many hearts am I going to break?"

"Uh, I dunno, you already broke half the campus by existing in general."

He bonked you on the head lightly with his denim jacket sleeve. "I have not. I've only slept with a couple people and that was supposed to be no strings attached."

You shrugged. "People can't understand that. Especially women."

He puffed his cheeks and stepped over the pile. You noticed the small stickers and nice handwriting on the colorful pastel paper. You almost felt bad, seeing all the effort put into them.

"At least they're cute. I only get torn notebook pages with scribbles."

"Stop lying. You get girls' letters too," Jungkook grumbled. "Can I borrow your computer? One of my professors assigned an online quiz and the internet at my place is down, again."

"You gotta move," you commented, kneeling down to collect the mess Jungkook made. You noticed Jungkook flit his eyes about before throwing up his hands and bending down to help you.

"I'm trying to get out of the lease, but I have a couple more months left," he complained childishly.

"What about your other friends? Can't you go bother them?"

Jungkook frowned, sticking out his lower lip. The tiny mole underneath winked at you. "You hate me now or something?"

You laughed, standing up with a stacked pile of confessions to Jeon Jungkook. "No, I'm just curious as to why you always come here."

He shoved the rest in your arms, his pile slightly messier than yours. "You live the closest and you're usually home. Plus, you have two computers."

"A laptop and a desktop," you corrected. "Don't you have a laptop?"

"It's easier to borrow yours."

"Lazy."

Jungkook ignored your remark and ticked his silvery-blond head further into the apartment. "Can I borrow it or not?"

You laughed. "Of course. Laptop's on the bed."

He turned and followed the hallway to your bedroom. "Same password?" he yelled, not looking back.

"Obviously."

"Why is it my birth date?" he shouted.

"Because, one, no one will guess it, and, two, you're a dumbass and always forget it."

"I do not!"

"How many times did you ask when the password was Klingon?"

"I don't know your nerdy shit!"

"Do your fucking assignment," you belted down the hall.

Jungkook stuck his head out of your bedroom door and scrunched his nose to make a hideous face at you, holding your gunmetal-colored laptop. You rolled your eyes as he disappeared again. This crackhead. You let out a sigh, walking past the acrylic painting of a blue sky with pink-purple clouds hanging in your living room, flicking through at all the letters addressed to Jungkook.

Surprisingly, you knew what he felt like. With you, it started with inviting one guy over to your place, sucking his dick, and then suddenly a letter appeared. Well, letter was putting it nicely. Dirty napkin with words scrawled with smeared ballpoint pen shoved under your door, explicitly asking for more. Then another, wanting it. Then another, begging for it. You ignored them. At some point, you invited a girl over, ate her out, and then the colorful envelopes started appearing, with cute stickers and neat handwriting.

Mmmhmm.

Why did Jungkook bring them here anyway? To brag? For you to peruse? You spread them out them on your coffee table and tore one open. Read it. Simple confession of love, no name. You were kind of jealous. Jungkook always got nicer ones than you did. Something about being a sexually uninhibited woman seemed to translate to others that you were down to fuck anyone, anytime, anything. You tossed the letter aside, ripped open a folded card closed with lilac tape. Another, 'I love you, please go out with me', no name. Toss. And you opened another one, reading out loud.

"I want to cram all one hundred and seventy-nine centimeters of you into me?”

Uh.

Huh.

Still no name.

Cute peach stationery though.

Was it a euphemism? Symbolic? Thinly veiled code? Hm. In any case, this was more along the lines of shamelessness you encountered yourself.

By all conventions, Jeon Jungkook was attractive as fuck. Pretty pink lips, big brown eyes, manly sharp jawline. He kept his hair on the longer side, around ear length, now silvery-blond compared to the usual black. You heard he dyed it a couple times, but now it had since faded to the original blond.

Oh, yeah, also he had nice hands and a body to die for.

You could see why Jungkook got all these love letters. You? Well, similar reasons, except less muscles. Also, yours weren't really love letters. More like vulgar remarks on the backs of grubby receipts.

Probably just as heartfelt.

The only reason you knew of Jungkook was because you were friends with one of his close friends. Alright, maybe you sucked his friend's dick. More than once. But anyway, not the point. The point was that the topic of love letters came up one night when everyone was hanging out and you voiced your predicament. It was the summer before Jungkook entered university. He had burst out laughing, thinking it was a hilarious situation.

"Haha, that would never happen to me!"

Jokes on you, Jungkook, karma's a bitch.

You thought about moving, but the location was close to your work and the internet service was great here. At least you always recycled the paper. What were you supposed to do? Keep an album of Starbucks napkins of people asking if your tongue was good or not?

You opened another envelope addressed to 'sweet, adorable Jungkookie'.

Their words, not yours.

"Shove your dick down my throat and make me gag? Smiley face?"

Well, that's a contrast.

Jungkook didn't start contacting you on his own until the letters started coming and then they didn’t stop coming, flooding his mailbox and underneath his door, overwhelming and confusing him. He didn't think he would get much attention, although perhaps it might be your fault, since you seemed to have set the precedence for this type of thing at this particular university. There was at least one person in every year that got this treatment, and it all started with one dirty napkin with smeared ink. Rumor caught on and then bam! It became a thing.

So, yeah.

Maybe kind of your fault.

You shouldn't have told so many people about that napkin.

You fished out a pizza receipt from the pile, inspecting it. You couldn't find anything out of the ordinary. Then you noticed it had Jungkook's phone number and an order of three pizzas. Not a confession, just trash from Jungkook's backpack. Did he really eat three pizzas? Hopefully not by himself and in one sitting. You noticed the timestamp. Mmm, three in the morning. Okay. Maybe he did eat three pizzas by himself in one sitting.

You filed through the rest, removing trash from the recyclable paper. Paused when you found a scrap of paper that said, "Put your dick in my ass." You recognized this curvy, narrow handwriting, slightly heavy-handed. Same person wrote you the same note this week.

This was why you didn't take the messages too seriously.

You saw a particularly thick purple envelope and picked it up, tearing it open. It was several pages, with tiny, crammed handwriting on paper with cute bunnies on it. Several pages detailing straight up porn with Jungkook as the leading role.

You almost burst out laughing.

Who the fuck would write this?

And send it to him?

Not you, that's for fucking sure.

Still, it wasn't the worst thing you've ever read. Had some spelling mistakes and poor grammar. Instant turn-off. Needed a good proofread. You settled onto your brown leather couch, highly entertained as you read it. Then you actually burst out laughing, because said person wanted Jungkook to lift them and fuck them at the same time and that kinda shit just wasn't possible. You would know, because you’ve tried. It sounded good, but in practice, the dick ended up falling out pretty quickly if the pussy was any sort of wet.

If you weren’t wet, then, eh, not sure why you're fucking.

"What is so fucking funny?" Jungkook grumbled, poking his head around the corner, still holding your laptop.

You held up the sheets of bunny-printed paper, still laughing. "Someone sent you their written erotica and you're the star!"

Jungkook grimaced. "Oh yeah, that person. They write something new every week. It's weird." He frowned. "I try to take it out so you don't have to read that shit. I must have missed it."

"It's hilarious," you chuckled. "You should publish them into a book."

"You know I can't do that," Jungkook sighed, putting your laptop on the coffee table and snatching the pages from you. "I throw them away like everything else."

"Did you finish your assignment?" you chortled, leaning over to look at the laptop screen. Submission successful. "80%?! When you could easily cheat?"

"I read a question wrong," Jungkook whined, balling up the paper and throwing it down. "Ack."

You looked up at him and he was looking upset at the pile on the table.

"What's wrong?"

"What if one of them is real?"

"Huh?"

"I mean... I just throw them away now. But what if one of them is real?" Jungkook wondered out loud.

You shrugged. "Does it matter? They'll tell you in person if it's that important."

Jungkook tilted his head at you doubtfully. "Will they?"

You sat back into your couch, with your legs wide open. You were wearing sleek black leggings and a cropped pink sweatshirt. Not the most ladylike pose, but you didn't really care. You gestured to the stack of letters on your wooden coffee table.

"They should. If they actually like you and it's not a joke, then they should tell you in person and accept that they might be rejected."

Jungkook frowned and slumped down next to you. His light-wash denim jacket made a loud floof as his ass hit the brown leather cushions. The wash of his jeans matched his jacket. He wore a white graphic t-shirt under. It looked vintage, but it probably wasn’t.

"What if they're nervous?" he questioned, twisting his pink lips around.

"So what? Everyone's nervous. We all live in a perpetual state of terror."

Jungkook rolled his eyes.

You leaned forward and plucked a sky-blue memo note from the table, reading it out loud. "I love you. Marry me." You held it out to him. "See? You get nice ones. I get, ‘choke me like you hate me’ and 'shove your tongue into my asshole, please'. Rarely do I get is that please at the end," you finished with a dry laugh. You looked up to see Jungkook staring back at you. Your laugh died a little seeing his serious expression.

"Yes."

You blinked at him. "What?"

Jungkook ticked his chin to the note, then shifted his eyes to you.

You pointed to the memo sheet and raised an eyebrow. "I didn't write this."

"I did."

He was so serious that you couldn't laugh. You just blinked at him rapidly and turned your head to look at the sky-blue memo sheet, finally recognizing the clean, block-like handwriting and spotting the bottom right corner. English letters. A J and a K fused together, the way Jungkook usually signed his paintings.

You dropped the note like it was on fire.

Jerked your head up, not to him, but to the painting across from you in the living room, the one with the blue sky and pink-purple clouds, with a tiny JK signature in black at the bottom right corner. The painting you asked Jungkook to make you a while back.

"You paint, right? I want something calm for my living room. I bought a canvas, so about this size. It's that cool?"

Jungkook had squinted his eyes, nodding. "Yeah, I could draw a pretty big dick on it."

"This is for my living room, dumbass. And I said I wanted something calm."

"A flaccid dick then."

You turned your head back to Jungkook of now, who was wringing his hands on his thighs, wiping off his palms. He noticed you watching him and puffed one cheek before letting out a big sigh.

"I was... gonna leave it on your laptop," Jungkook mumbled, flapping a hand to the sky-blue note. "But I couldn't find it in my backpack, and then I realized one of the pockets was open, the one where I keep receipts... anyway I had put the note there, so I came out to see if it was in the pile... yup, there it is."

He sucked in his cheek and fell back against the leather sofa.

"Was a joke."

Jungkook's voice sounded hollow. Empty.

"... Ah." You tucked the tip of your tongue in your cheek.

"Not the greatest joke," he added flatly.

“No, it’s not,” you agreed. "Jokes that are insincere are bad jokes."

The black words glared back up at you, contrasting the pale azure paper. You picked up the memo sheet again. Turned to face him, holding it up next to Jungkook's head of silvery-blond hair. He pursed his lips and looked away from you, jaw clenched in nervousness.

"Just say it."

He puffed one cheek again. "It was a joke."

"Then why are you saying it in past tense?"

His brown orbs shifted from side to side before Jungkook tried to bolt out of his seat, only for you to slam a hand down on his shoulder and throw a leg over him, straddling his lap before pinning the note to his chest. He yelped sharply and looked up at you with huge, shaking irises.

In all your time knowing him, you never tried to sleep with Jungkook.

Never.

You jabbed the note into his white shirt and he gave you a terrified squeak in response.

You scrutinized his face, jaw slack, eyes wide, blond curls framing his chiseled cheekbones. One of your eyebrows raised, your voice calm and unfazed.

"Say it."

"You say it," Jungkook finally shot back, furrowing his brows, biting on his lip and mustering up the most indignant look he could produce at this very second. You didn’t react. He seemed to have forgotten you did, in fact, say it, although perhaps that wasn’t exactly what he meant.

You never tried to fuck Jungkook because he didn’t treat you as anything more than his primary source of internet when his own was down. Ah, and also his outlet for complaining about his love letter problem. And then there was that other little wrinkle, the unwritten societal rule one of sucking a guy's dick you're still friends with - don't suck his friends' dicks. Surefire way to fuck up a friendship, especially if the dude’s ego was fragile.

Jungkook’s friend was dating someone else now though. His ego couldn’t be that fragile.

You leaned forward and Jungkook's annoyed gaze faltered. He gulped and tried to shrink into your brown leather couch, as if he could somehow disappear under you.

"I love you," you stated clearly and firmly. You glanced at the slightly crumpled piece of blue paper before your eyes flickered back to his face. "Marry me."

Hah, the thing about rules with you was...

Fuck 'em.

Not actually.

Eh, not the point.

"Really?" Jungkook squeaked, voice cracking slightly.

Ah, right, the other reason you never tried to sex up Jungkook because he was a little bit of an idiot around you. But maybe this sky-blue note detailed the reason for it.

"Say it," you repeated crossly, poking him in the pecs. "Stop avoiding it."

You observed Jungkook swallow hard again, Adam’s apple bobbing. You furrowed your brows, tipping your head down so that your forehead was hovering over his, eyebrow cocked, gazing into trembling brown orbs. Why was he taking so long? He wrote the damn words. Were they really just a joke? Hmph, why were you even trying then?

That’s how everyone was.

Not putting any stock or thought into their fucking words.

You lifted your finger but Jungkook’s right hand, the one with tiny tattoos, suddenly darted in your view, grabbing your hand back and jamming your finger onto his chest again. His heartbeat raced under your fingertip, thud-thud-thud, rapid bass accenting the moment. Electrifying it.

“Don’t.”

Whisper so faint you frowned and closed even more distance between you two, picking up the scent of vanilla fabric softener and lush cotton. A little different than you, who used a blackberry and spiced vanilla perfume.

“I like this,” Jungkook breathed under you, chewing his lip anxiously. You could feel his warm breath tickling your lips and chin with how close you were. You could count his individual eyebrow hairs, even though the eyebrow product he used.

“I… really like this.”

He let go of your hand.

Now you raised both eyebrows.

You slowly uncurled your middle finger, landing it on his chest next to the index. You felt him shiver a little, lips parting. Straightened your ring finger, planting it down. His lashes lowered a little, brown orbs on your face, watching your reaction to him. You could count the moles on his face. The one on his nose. The one on his cheek. The one under his lower lip. The one on his neck. Your pinky slid onto his chest. A wispy moan left his lips, eyelids fluttering, blond strands floating around his head with the little rise and fall of his heavy, tense exhale.

Why is it your birth date?

Take a wild guess, dumbass.

Your fingers abruptly dug into his white t-shirt, crumpling the note and scrunching the graphic up in your fist. He inhaled sharply, head tipping back and lips nearing yours, a whine escaping his throat. You quirked an eyebrow, drawing back slightly, taking in the rich depth of his tan skin, the sensual line of his neck, up to his angular chin and his dangling silver earrings. All of it. His hands immediately came up to grab your wrist and forearm, ensuring you and himself that you wouldn’t let go, the tendons in your flexed wrist right against his large palm.

“Say it, Jungkook,” you demanded. “Say those words with your pretty pink tongue hanging out your mouth for me.”

You watched him obey immediately, tongue sliding out and touching his lower lip, brown eyes framed by his long lashes and hazy with lust.

“I love you,” Jungkook breathed, a little gargled with his tongue out. “Fucking marry me, please.”

Ah, you couldn't help it.

You smirked.

"What about all your admirers?" you murmured, twisting your fingers in his shirt, digging your nails into his chest. "You'll break all those poor hearts you’re worried about."

Those dark brown eyes told you they didn't give a single fuck.

"What about you?" he countered, closing his mouth a little to speak more clearly.

"Me?"

The definition of trouble?

Well, if you looked that up in a dictionary, there would definitely be a picture of you.

Jungkook’s lips parted once more, keen to submit to your wickedness, pink tongue slipping out again, shiny and glistening with saliva. Breathing shallowly, rubbing your wrist with his thumb, encouraging you to keep going.

Your lips curved into a treacherous smile.

"I'll break all the hearts to get to yours, Jungkook."

And then you licked his tongue.

A low moan bubbled from Jungkook's chest, his eyes rolling back and his hips bucking up, desperate for friction as the tip of your wet muscle glided over his warm softness, your spit dripping down his throat, listening to his moans turn into messy garbles of your name, begging you, pleading you, more, more, kiss me, please, and you hooked your tongue around his, gently nudging his jaw with your other hand. Knuckle to chin, tilting your head as your lips closed onto Jungkook's.

It was not a neat kiss.

There was spit running down his chin, dripping onto his neck and your skin, your lips roughly working his, tongues intertwined and making even more of a mess, you sucking forcefully to earn pained, delicious whines. Jungkook was far too turned on to attempt to glamorize it, cries a jumbled mess under your greedy mouth, but none of that mattered. The moment was sensual and dark, bodies speaking to each other through dopamine and adrenaline. Your hand released his shirt, breaking his grip, switching to burrowing your fingers into his soft blond hair and running your nails over his scalp, leaving lines of prickling pain to enhance your kiss.

"F-Fuck, oh fuck, yes..."

Your teeth caught his tongue, pulling back and forcing his head to follow. Jungkook made a pained noise, trapped in your embrace, whining as you took him to the brink. You released him swiftly and he snapped backward, blinking hard, trying to reorient himself, but it was impossible, your lips crashing down again, thrusting your tongue into his mouth aggressively, one eye open to witness his fucked-out state, pupils unfocused, long lashes quivering, moaning into your mouth and you inhaling it all, literally taking his breath away.

It started out with a kiss.

How did it end up like this?

It was only a kiss.

You dropped your lower half onto his crotch and Jungkook gasped, breaking the kiss, strings of spit breaking between you two. You smirked wickedly as you felt his hardness trying to escape its clothing jail, his large hands already on your thighs and hips, sinking his fingers into the soft fabric of your leggings, rocking you into him, desperately trying to get some stimulation.

"Please," he croaked, panting for breath, pulling himself up to sitting position, so easy and smooth, fuck, so sexy, and now Jungkook was in your face, pleas on the tip of his tongue pouring out, tempting you, wanting it.

"Please, wanna be yours so fucking bad, seeing all those fucking letters and notes you get, and it pisses me off, it's me, I want it to be me, I want to be yours and I'm telling you to your face."

Whisper achingly hot, deep voice soaked with longing, staring into your eyes with those shaking brown orbs, spinning with emotion like an unstable top, barely enough torque holding it in place and all it took was another spin to encourage it or a gust of rejection to topple it over.

"And you don't even care about mine, you think they're fucking funny, fuck, I can't stand it, let it be me, please..."

His hands running up your sides, grazing against your breasts, and now his hands were in your hair and yours were in his, bringing your face close, the crumpled sky-blue note right between your joined crotches, forgotten, witnessing the agonizing lust wound tightly in this embrace.

"Let it be me," Jungkook begged.

You licked your lips slowly, scarcely swiping against his. He shuddered, leaning into it, taking whatever crumbs you gave. His long fingers tensed in your hair, yours buried in the dark roots of his.

"You'll have to skip the marriage bit for now," you teased lightly. "I don't think my parents will appreciate you slapping down papers before you finish school."

Jungkook snickered, tucking his tongue in his cheek roguishly. "Can't they understand I have to snatch this ass as soon as possible to make people back off?"

Your hands slipped down to his jaw, fitting it in your palms, his silvery-blond stands wrapped around your fingertips. "They'll back off my door once they hear you screaming my name."

You leaned in, but Jungkook stopped you, brown orbs glittering with mischief to get in one more quip.

"I doubt it," he purred.

Yeah.

Jungkook was right.

Ah, well.

You seized his face and kissed him again, fuck, such malleable lips just pleading to be bitten by you, gazing up his nose and to his beautiful eyes, his soft skin in your hands, clenching his jaw under your power, letting you have it, letting you control it and him. You felt him scramble and throw his denim jacket off, dumping it onto your couch to cup your cheeks with his hands, sighing in satisfaction as you inhaled him. Your tongue lazily traced the outskirts of his lips, hearing the rattle of his beaded bracelets by your ears, amused, knowing they were his good luck charms.

"They bring good luck," he had answered when you saw them for the first time.

You remembered tilting your head at the wooden beads on his slim wrists. "You trying to get your dick sucked or something?"

He had broken out in a loud guffaw. Nudged you with his elbow, cheeky smile on his lips.

"Never gonna say no to getting my dick sucked."

"Mhm, cool, where's my painting of the flaccid dick?"

From then on, you noticed he wore the same wooden, beaded bracelets every time he came to your apartment.

Hmm.

Now, your hands falling from his face, yanking his shirt from his pants, annoyed it was getting caught, and then Jungkook fitted his hands around your ass and lifted you easily, breaking the kiss, a moment for you to bear witness to his arms flexing – holy fuck, that’s sexy – right one covered in tattoos. Images and script, with one catching your eye, a string of words running up the inside of his upper arm. One you recognized because you had those words written on your bedroom wall, on a canvas hanging above your bed. A canvas you made, background a chaotic mess of varying dark red brushstrokes, the black script in the center, written by your hand.

The exact black script with your flourishes and ticks, now tattooed on the inside of his right arm.

Your eyes drifted to Jungkook's face and his naughty smirk, pleased to be found out. Your lips formed the sentence slowly, in awe of his audacity.

"The devil knows my name."

the devil knows my name.

Hung above your bed, where all manner of marvelous sinful acts were performed.

Jungkook grinned deviously. "I saw it. I wanted it on me."

Wanted it on him.

Oh, fuck.

Did he know? Could he guess?

"Who's the devil?" you whispered, smile widening, matching his.

Jungkook reached down, yanking his t-shirt out of his jeans and pulling it up and over his head, revealing the body he sculpted himself, tan skin taut over hard muscle, toned and...

"You're the devil, of course," he snickered.

Yours.

"Ding dong daeng," you sing-songed.

How many people have been on your bed, head pulled back by your hand, blinking hard, trying to read the words on your wall through waves of forced ecstasy? Gasping them out, ending with a question, inquiring for an answer.

The devil knows my name?

And you, leaning forward, haunting whisper in their ears, yes, she does, before pushing their face down into the sheets.

"All those love letters not good enough for you, Jungkook?" you breathed, running your hands over his bare chest, spreading your fingers, letting your exhale out through your teeth. His eyes on you, torso trembling, hairs raising, feeling your nails dance up, up, raking over his collarbones and neck, leaving little pink lines of intensity.

"They're not you," he whispered. His hands brushing over yours, outlining your fingers, eyes darkening as you pushed him back into your sofa, lowering your head. "You, the one they talk about..." Your lips on his hot skin, kissing softly, tongue so slight that it made him whimper. "You, the one they look for..." His voice, deep and rumbling, vibrating your lips, pitching as you bit and sucked, leaving small hickeys. "You, the one whose bed I sit on, wondering who else has been there, wondering why it's not me, when I make myself available to you, so easy to prey on, but you let me be..." Your lips closing around his dark brown nipple, scraping your teeth against it, making him squirm and look down at you, you and your self-satisfied, ravenous smirk.

"I let you read them," Jungkook whimpered, blond strands curled around his cheeks, chest shuddering at your nail flicking his other nipple while your mouth worked the other. "Let you see everything they want to do to me and you still didn't know."

You chuckled darkly. "What's there to know?" you mused, sticking your tongue out and pressing it against the now hard pink-tinged nub, receiving small whines of pleasure as your reward. "It's obvious what you wanted. I was right in front of you. All you had to do was say something."

Jungkook frowned as you sat up, tongue in cheek, half-grinning.

"Look at you."

You crossed your arms and pulled your pink cropped sweatshirt up and over your head, dropping it to the floor. Casually running a hand through the top of your hair to pull it away from your face, gazing down at shirtless Jungkook covered in your red bites, cocking your head with a smirk. He raised an eyebrow, eyes roaming over your figure and the curve of your breasts molded to smooth black satin.

"You look like you eat hearts for breakfast," he murmured, admiration in his tone.

The side of your lips quirked further upwards.

"And yet you wanna love me."

Jungkook grinned. "I don't want to. I already do."

And then he was the one to pull you to him, kissing you hungrily, you immediately turning it into your favor, your pace, his tongue commanded by yours as he unhooked your bra, moaning into your mouth, rubbing your exposed nipples with his palms, unable to do much as you pushed him into the couch again, guiding his tongue down with your teeth and running the tip of yours over his wet muscle once more, trickling saliva into his throat and onto his chin and neck, messy and lewd.

"The devil knows your name," you sighed into his mouth, feeling him knead your breasts, thumbs brushing over your hard nipples, tendrils of pleasure making your skin tingle. "And now the devil takes what she wants."

You saw the sides of his lips curve upwards as you backed up to strip the rest of your clothes, amused at Jungkook eagerly following suit and unbuttoning his jeans.

"Can't wait to flaunt how hot you are?" you laughed, reaching down to the shelf under the side table where a ceramic R2-D2 cookie jar sat.

"Do you think I'm hot?" Jungkook haughtily accused before gawking at your waist to ass ratio, his hands slowing, pants stopped to his knees in his distraction.

You gently took off the head of R2-D2 and plucked a condom from it. Some guy told you once that you couldn't like Star Trek and Star Wars at the same time and you told him to shut the fuck up as you slapped his nuts. He begged you to do it again. You fondly patted R2-D2's head after you fitted it back.

You straightened to see Jungkook on your couch with his hard dick on display.

You looked him dead in the eye. "You think I'd let you borrow my laptop if I thought you were ugly?"

Jungkook broke out of his trance and shrugged, finally yanking his calves – holy shit, his calves and thighs were muscular as fuck – out of his jeans, underwear and socks gone with them.

"Maybe you pitied my grades."

"I'd just pay for you to go to the library and fuck off, dumbass," you muttered, pushing his hands aside and ripping the condom open, drinking in the delicious sight of his throbbing red cock dripping pre-cum, his balls just waiting for – fuck it, you got down on your knees and wrapped your tongue around his length, Jungkook sputtering and gasping at your suddenness. Fuck, he smelled and tasted fucking good, clean and velvety to your lips enclosing around the head and sliding down, using one hand to scoop up his balls. Made eye contact with him again.

Jungkook breathed your name hesitantly.

Your tongue slid out of your lips and you jammed his cock all the way down your throat, slathering his balls wetly with your whisking tongue, circling around one and then the other, long expansive strokes that went past the girth of his cock, your pink tongue visible to him. Jungkook's pupils blew wide with shock, moans catching in his throat, whole body shivering, trying desperately not to look away even through you could tell he wanted to throw himself into your sofa and fucking lose it.

"Oooooooh, fuck, that's amazing.... Holy shit, your tongue is everything...."

You chuckled and pulled your head back, satisfied with his reaction. He seemed slightly disappointed until you rolled down the condom, cracking your neck.

"I think I've given enough." You stood up, getting back on top of him and his glorious thighs. "Time for you to be taken."

Jungkook smirked.

You smirked wider and more wickedly.

The sky-blue memo was crumpled into a ball, fallen to your hardwood floor.

Held him with two fingers, ugh, the weight of his cock, fuck yes, and those beautiful dark chocolate eyes, Jungkook, you dumbass, cursing that he didn't tell you sooner so that you could watch him groan and throw his head back like he was right now, gasping at your tightness, your name torn from his throat as you took in every centimeter of him, every pulsing vein and contour of his wonderful cock, stupid Jungkook and his attractive self not using his damn words so you could ride him like you were right now, setting up a fast, bruising pace. Your fingers dug into the back of the couch as you bucked your hips into his violently, keeping yourself tight because you were so fucking wet, fuck, so wet for Jeon Jungkook and his idiotic self, asking for internet to do his school assignments and not asking for his dick to be used as your fucking joystick.

Dumbass.

"Oh fuck," Jungkook gasped. "Oh, fuck, you're so wet and tight, shit, shit, shit..."

"Tell me something I haven't heard before," you chuckled, only half-meaning it, waving your entire body to deliver a particularly hard smack to his crotch, Jungkook whimpering under you, his hands flying to your upper arms and clutching them, trying to hold on to your wildness.

"Holy fuck, you have some hard biceps," he blurted out, startled at the prominent muscle.

Well, you haven't heard that one before.

"Guess that's what happens when you jack off a lot of dick," you mused nonchalantly.

You ticked your head to Jungkook's arms – delicious – and he frowned at you, opening his mouth to protest and you cut him off by shoving two fingers into his lips, pressing them down into the wet warmth, grinning maniacally as you watched him struggle with your fingers rubbing his tongue and his cock getting assaulted by you aggressively slamming your hips down and clamping around his stiffness, tighter, faster, whines of your name in his throat, head falling back onto the couch with a flump. You were careful not to push your fingers too far.

Getting vomited on wasn't really on your sexual activities bingo card.

Jungkook was, however, drooling down his chin and neck, and you pulled back to grab his shoulder with your wet hand – oh, fuck, his shoulder, what a lovely shape – and Jungkook wheezed for breath, you ignoring it as you focused all your energy on fucking the life out of him, dirty squelches and smacks of hips on hips, staring down at his abs and v-line, all his hard work at the gym on display, his hands still on your upper arms as he raised his hips to meet yours, needily moaning for you to destroy him with your pace.

Damn, maybe you would have sent him a love letter if you had seen him naked at least once.

"A-Ask me to cum for you," Jungkook finally got out, voice hoarse from breathing so hard for so long.

"You're going to anyway," you taunted.

"Want you to ask," he whined, almost pouting. "Tell me to do it."

You gazed into his eyes, into those brown irises overtaken by black pupils, him a top spinning by your hand, your plaything commanded by your body, pussy clenching around his twitching cock, spurred on from his pleading tone, giving him a devious and wicked grin, speaking to his swollen lips, the devil knows your name, Jungkook, and him moaning back, fuck yes she does, so close, so fucking close, unashamedly barreling towards your release, power in your veins and under you, his muscles rippling as he fucked you back, amplifying every thrust.

"Jungkook."

"Y-Yes?"

"Say it."

Brown eyes locked with yours.

"I love you. Marry me."

You smirked.

"Cum for me."

A half-second and then you let go, letting the feeling rush in and envelop you, the moment held back to torture him, and now you felt it all, already at the tipping point, strained moan as your orgasm crashed into you, shudders all over and falling, sitting all the way down in his lap to experience the throbbing ache of your core giving out and spilling onto his cock and balls in rapid bursts, viscous and sweet. The scent of sex mixing with blackberry and spiced vanilla, his length jerking inside you, and only then did you hear Jungkook crying out your name over and over, the roar in your ears fading out to his shivering moans, hands sliding up and down your arms, eyes closing and lost in the pleasure of your pussy squeezing out his cum. His touch travelling down to your waist, pulling you to him.

Messy, soft kisses, your name and curses mixed together.

"It's me, right?"

You smiled into his mouth that was still asking questions.

"Please let it be me. You'll let me love you for real, right?"

Pushing your hair back, his sweaty blond locks sticking to your face.

"Because I already do, can't stop, won't stop–"

"Yeah, Jungkook, funnily enough I figured that from the first kiss already," you chuckled, running your fingers through his ash blond hair and pulling his head back lightly, seeing him pout, the mole underneath his lower lip peeking out.

"But..."

"Hm?"

His voice suddenly small, vulnerable, his semi-hard dick still inside you.

"Do you love me?"

You lifted a brow. "What kind of dumbass question is that?" You grabbed his arm and pressed your nail into his tattoo of your words, drawing a pink scratch under them, making him gasp. "How can I not love you? Fuck, that's the sexiest thing I've ever seen, my handwriting tattooed onto you. Yes, I love you, Jungkook."

Jungkook's jaw dropped.

This fool is still shocked after all this?

You reached down and held the condom down as you lifted yourself off, yanking him to his feet, pushing Jungkook to your coffee table, right in front of the pile of letters with his name all over them. You picked up your laptop and pushed it onto his chest, forcing him to hold it, him still confused, mildly stunned, not knowing what the fuck was happening.

Then you made him half-straddle your coffee table and yanked off the condom.

"Um–"

Grabbed his cock and started furiously jacking him off.

"Oh, f-fuck!"'

And then he realized what you were doing, the sheer wrongness of it, getting harder and harder with every second, throbbing in your hand.

"You're just like them," you chuckled through exerted breath.

Faster, rougher, tighter, Jungkook clutching your laptop, his larger frame leaning against yours, head thrown back so far that his blond hair was brushing your shoulder, moaning lustfully as he thrusted his hips into your grip. White pooled onto the purple-red tip of his abused cock, far too sensitive to be jacked off this hard right after orgasm, but Jungkook begged you not to stop, streams of residual cum running down your slicked fingers.

"Always looking for your fix from the addiction that's me," you whispered into his ear, laced with an authoritative growl.

You saw Jungkook's head lower out of your periphery, eyes opening, staring at the colorful envelopes with his name printed on them, the cute stickers and neat handwriting, panting your name, tendons and veins standing out on his neck, sweat beading on his tan skin.

A low, dangerous chuckle rising in his throat.

"There's a difference between them and me."

You felt his cock twitch in your hand, ridiculously hard at what you two were about to do.

"They're not going to get their fix."

Jungkook shuddered against you, jerking his hips forward, thick white strings splattering all over the pastel paper as you watched, fascinated, the scent of his cum saturating the air and the envelopes, drops soaking and smearing the carefully written ink, time wasted and defiled.

"I am," he moaned, twisting his body on your arms, leaning down to kiss you hungrily as you squeezed his cock, draining it all out, all over your coffee table and coating your hand, stained with Jeon Jungkook's love letter to you.

masterpost

#jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #bts smut #jungkook smut #jungkook fanfic #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x you #jeon jungkook smut

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obey-me-rot · 3 years

Text

You Shouldn't Be This Cool

A/N: Something purely self indulgent to kickstart this Obey Me writing blog. The idea mostly belongs to @warm-meelk because of how they drew their MC playing bass and then sprinkled in the fact that Levi would be the pianist and I just kinda...went from there q wq. And I also play bass so...all the more reason to write this!

Warnings: Levi trying to justify some of his more weird actions while MC seems to not only know...but enjoy the attention.

Levi wasn’t a creep, he was passionate.

He was passionate about TSL, he was passionate about anime, he was passionate about his idol groups and he was even passionate about learning new skills in order to better evolve himself into an ultimate fan.

So what he did today was not because he was a creep!

It was because he was passionate.

“Can you play that for me again, Levi?”

The third born tucks his feet on his chair, sipping up the noodles of his second cup of ramen as he watches the video feed from this afternoon. He smiles as the camera zooms in on your fingers, each one plucking the string of your bass absentmindedly while you listen to the melody he had composed.

As a TSL fan, he was ‘in the know’ of most TSL fan events whether they were held in the Devildom or in the human world. If they were worth the trouble he would attend and if it seemed like it was just a repeat fan event for one he already attended then he would just get the merch from the safety and comfort of his room.

Yet a completely new fan event had popped up on his radar one day, an online one.

One that challenged each and every TSL fan to create a song dedicated to their favourite lord.

Levi doesn’t remember much after that announcement, all he remembers is knocking on your door at devil knows what hours of the morning and shoving the music sheets in your face while pleading for you to help him out.

Your musical talent wasn’t hidden in the House of Lamentation. While most of the brothers could boast about having pretty decent singing voices or being ‘okay’ at certain instruments, your ‘weapon’ of choice was perhaps the most random but also well fitted instrument for someone like you.

You played the bass.

If he wanted to get specific, you played the TCB1006 Ibanez electric bass. You had mentioned in passing when you and him had met up to start ‘jamming’ out and Levi had retained that fact along with his hundreds of other facts that had to do with your particular interests and likes.

Again, because he was passionate...about your friendship.

The camera zooms out to film both of you, a happy giggle taking him over as he saw just how chill you looked.

How unfair was it that out of all the instruments you could play, you had to play the one that just made you look even cooler?

You were laying in his tub while he sat on the very chair he was sitting on now, plucking strings seemingly at random but humming some bars and trying to fit them with his melody. Your feet were propped up on the edge and the soft brown color of the guitar meshed so well with the glowing blue lights of his room that he is so glad he picked this spot for his hidden camera because you looked ethereal.

“I still can’t believe you composed this. It’s pro-level.”

“H--Ha! Of course! This is nothing but a piece of cake for me! If it's about the Third Lord and Henry then I’m all over it!”

Eyes take in the way you sit up and position your bass higher, fingers having a better reach as you start to ‘slap’ the strings in order to create a more wavy and deeper sound.

“Okay...I think I got it. Can you play the melody from the beginning?”

Oh here it was.

Sitting up, Levi puts his cup noodle down and grabs the nearby music sheets, pen already in hand as his attention on you becomes laser focused.

The beat you play is, well, playful. It is a high contrast to his almost operatic piano melody and he could almost hear himself playing a bit slower as if wondering if you had even heard what he was playing

“Uh MC…?"

“Trust me.”

Levi bites his lip as he feels his heart skip a beat, not even having to look at the screen to see that he was blushing. His past self was so predictable…

Although wasn’t his present self all the more pathetic for reacting to your words a second time?

He’d rather not think about it too much.

Your purpose had come shining through the moment Levi started to really hear the notes you were playing. It was almost as if you were mimicking Henry’s character with the bass. Cool, collected and eager to learn more about the world he had been thrusted into, your bass managed to capture the curiosity of Henry’s while his piano clearly symbolized the shy but deadly Third Lord.

The bass would go high, the piano would go low but as the melody started to harmonize so did the way your playing did with his. It was if he was the Third Lord, shyly peeking at the way Henry interacted with the world around them…

Only to turn around and invite him to join along.

His eyes go up to the screen.

You looked so happy, your fingers plucking away as he continued playing along with you. Your eyes turn to look at him and he almost wants to punch his past self in the face for not looking back. The camera had been perfectly placed to capture the way you tilt your head as you stare at him, chuckling as he clearly gets far too into the music for his own good.

To miss such an exclusive UR moment from you, he should be ashamed of himself.

“Haha. Thank the devil I came up with this camera idea!”

Levi blinks as he looks around, coming face to face with his beloved Henry as the fish stares at him from his bowl.

“...don’t look at me like that, Henry…”

The fish blinks.

“I wasn’t doing it to be a creep! I just wanted to write down the notes MC played before I forgot them.”

Henry’s mouth opens and then closes.

“And see! I even missed such exclusive moments from them! Look!”

He pauses the video and turns the screen so his fish can take a better look.

“5:06. I even timestamped it. Right here, MC is smiling and looking at me so cutely that it would be almost a sin to not record it!”

His fingers tap a couple of keys as he goes back to another point of the video.

“3:58, they smile and do such a cool trick with their fingers that I didn’t even notice that they stick their tongue out whenever they get too into playing! Do you see that Henry?”

A couple more taps as he keeps the video playing, the goldfish swims close to the edge of the bowl.

“I missed so many great moments all because I was so lost in playing! And I just didn’t want to ask them if I could record them because then they might think I’m using the footage for some sort of weird purpose and I would never do something like that to them! My Henry is far too amazing for me to just watch them one time! I just wanted to make sure of the notes they were playing! This is all for passion--!”

“Levi?”

He stops talking as he looks back at the screen, Henry swimming away while Levi tuned into the video once again.

“Was that good? I don’t know why but having the bass go a bit higher as I mute the strings feels almost like--”

“Like a conversation! It’s like the instruments are talking!”

Okay maybe this camera idea wasn’t the greatest after all, that was such a stupid thing to say and if he could go back and just slap the words out of his very mouch, he would.

Yet once again, his MC showed just why they were at the top of their ‘favourites’ list.

“Yeah! Like a convo!”

The conversation dissolves into randomness as Levi sighs and looks down at his sheet music. He only got a few notes down. Devildom, what was the point of having perfect pitch if he didn’t use it all the time? He straightens his screen out as he grabs a pencil instead of a pen, knowing full well that if he wanted to get this done he would have to rely on listening to you play and not looking at the screen.

If he finished this quickly then he would be able to stare at yo--it...he would be able to stare at it the rest of the night.

He goes to rewind the video but stops when he notices the scenery has changed just a tiny bit. You were out of his bathtub and looking at his aquarium, tapping the wall twice as some of his other fishes came up to greet you.

They were already so accustomed to you that he was sure even Lotan would know who you were.

Your attention goes from his aquarium wall to his computer, looking at all of his figurines and other merch he proudly showed off. A few more steps to the right and you were looking at his bookshelf--

Only for your eyes to lock with his.

He rolls his chair back immediately, his heart dropping to his feet as you reach out to the camera and pluck it from its hiding place.

No. No no no nononononononono!

This was it. You were done with him. Levi didn’t have a lot of friends but he knew that this was probably a friendship ender. His pupils contract as he sees you look at the camera with a confused look, already guessing your thoughts before you could vocalize them.

This weirdo was filming me the entire time. And he was hiding the camera? Disgusting. I’ll make sure to never come by his place again. What an absolute creep.

“MC...I didn’t--”

His jaw clicks shut as small tears gather at the corners of his eyes, not yet falling down his cheeks as he sees you smile and wave at the camera.

What--?

“Levi. If you wanted to film you didn’t really have to hide it. I want something to remember this session too. Next time you can just ask~”

You wink and Levi can feel his heart going from the floor all the way to his throat.

“Oh and send me a text when you have the footage ready. We can watch it together.”

He lets out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding as you place the camera back before his voice rings out from the video, exclaiming about all the snacks he had brought. So that’s why he had found you standing up, and here he thought you were leaving…

Send you a text...the footage…?

His hands scramble to his phone as he quickly enters the passcode, blushing as he sees a new message from you.

“Mind if I come over again? I have a new bassline I want to show off.”

Levi puts the phone down slowly before getting up---

Only to immediately fall down, hands over his face as he curled up on the floor.

Of all the characters he thought he would be in a shoujo, the last one he thought he would end up as is the heroine.

Not that he was regretting it, this was perhaps the best outcome that had happened in his now not so miserable life.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me leviathan #obey me mc #obey me levi x reader #//*holds levi*#//I just think he is neat q wq

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theyarebothgunshot · 3 years

Note

I’d be very interested in your thoughts on the JIB8 cockles panel. just a suggestion for your rewatch 👀

i’ve seen the jib8 panel so many times, because it’s honestly one of the wildest things i have ever seen and i just never get tired of it.

first of all i want to give you my take on the overall vibe, and then second of all i will get into the details and link to certain timestamps in the video.

disclaimer: i am not gonna be linking to every single thing i talk about, but i will try my best to link to the moments that stand out to me the most. i have read long posts about this panel before, so not everything in this post is gonna be original or said for the first time ever, simply because there is a good chance that information has stuck in my mind and has subconsciously formed my view of this panel. this is also in no way, shape or form gonna be coherent, unfortunately. i’m just gonna hope that the cockles hivemind will be able to make sense of this regardless. love and light. and lastly, this is all in good fun, so don’t come at me if you think this is too out there please and thank you.

fun fact: i was today years old when i found out that the airbnb story took place one day before this panel. what a sexually charged weekend that was for them dude (gn).

the vibe that i get from this panel is that their moods were off before they got on stage, and where misha kind of looks tired and not 100% enthusiastic about things, jensen apparently decided to get drunk and is trying to make it look like he is thriving. yet, a little while into the panel we learn that it has been an emotional rollercoaster of a day for him, which might have something to do with the overall mood. then again, it could be that something else happened in between the autographs and that panel, who is to say?

i have talked about the d/s subtones in their interactions before and this panel makes my radar ping like nobody’s business. if my interpretation of their dynamics is right, then one could assume that jensen was being very bratty on purpose, trying to stir up a reaction in misha, and i think he probably got what he wanted (more or less. maybe he thought misha would find it more amusing than he did, or but honestly, at that point they have already known each other for nearly 10 years so odds are he knew what he was doing and how misha would react to it. it would surprise me greatly if these two didn’t work out their mutual frustrations with the day and each other after this panel ended- in the bedroom.)

i genuinely think i have never seen jensen flirt more openly and aggressively with misha, ever, and i have never seen misha in the state he was in during this panel either: tired, a little annoyed about the fact that jensen was going off the deep end and that he was not able to stop him, to the point where he just gives up and says things like ‘when in rome’ etc. let’s get into it.

the mood is set from the very first second: misha is kinda subdued, and jensen is being a bit of a clown, coaxing misha to join him in the madness, which he does to a certain extent.

we are off to a great start with not just one [0m15s], but two [0m20s] moments in which i just know in my bones they wanted to hold hands. how do i know? because i have been there my fucking self. wanting to hold hands with your crush when you are drunk and acting silly is a love language okay.

as soon as they sit down, misha tries to make conversation and jensen just starts pushing him and pushing him, [1m11s] saying ‘shut up’ and ‘yeah it’s really stupid and it embarrasses me’, but misha tries to ignore it at first and just marches on through. which is probably why i never see people talk about that little comment. it embarrasses jensen when misha sits like that? why would he need to feel embarrassed by his friend’s actions? kinda weird tbh, sounds like husband behavior to me. i have a feeling that when misha said ‘by which he means it’s an innie’, jensen REALLY had to bite on his tongue not to go all ‘you weren’t complaining this morning’ or something like that. look at his face bro [1m55s].

and then jensen opens up his legs like the little tramp (affectionate) that he is and when misha tries to stop him he just TURNS to misha with said open legs like a mad man and goes ‘here’s the thing. pick a leg.’ [2m05s] LIKE? who DOES THAT? that is insane people behavior!!! admittedly i am a cis woman and i don’t have conversations with male friends about their bodily anatomy all that often, but i legit cannot phatom that this is a normal thing to talk about with your platonic buddy. pick a leg for me to rest my dick on, old buddy old pal. NOBODY DOES THAT. it’s not even something that i would consider flirting because even though i am into men, i would not find that arousing? so it’s either an action to provoke annoyance in misha or it’s something they have discussed before or both. because misha immediately understands what he means, starts shaking his head in frustration, and actually turns to jensen as if to say ‘are you fucking kidding me right now? really? you are really doing this?’ followed by a ‘this is making me feel so uncomfortable’ aka one of the phrases they both like to use even though they never mean it.

then when jensen actually goes up to do his ridiculous mating dance and sits back down again, he automatically sits down with his body turned towards misha.

quick side note: if anybody understands what the joke was about when they talked about ‘cas has big dolls’ i would love to hear it, because that has never made any sense to me, but it’s probably a me problem lmao.

when misha goes ‘could you watch your language please’ i think that’s a sign that he is genuinely getting a bit frustrated [4m53s] with jensen even though he is obviously playing it off as a joke. right after he says that, jensen puts his fingers against his mouth, as if to shut himself up. i know that a lot of people don’t wanna read too much into body language but hey, i am writing an analysis here so work with me for a sec: i think that could be a subconscious decision to listen to what misha is telling him to do, which ties into the d/s dynamics i’ve mentioned earlier.

i know people always go crazy when misha goes ‘what did i tell him’ [5m19s] and jensen whispers in his ear. i personally think misha probably told him about the fact that they booked kansas the band, but it’s still pretty telling that that is how misha would react to the question if something he told him is public knowledge. evidently that goes to show that there is enough that misha tells jensen that cannot be shared with the public, which i thought is interesting.

now that i am watching it again, the ‘j*red would have just said it’ comment kind of stumbles around in my brain asking me to dissect it. let’s just say that i wouldn’t be surprised if they were both thinking back on the many, many times that j*red put his foot in his mouth and made a suggestive comment about jensen and misha’s relationship.

god i just cringed [6m14s] watching jensen interact with that first girl who asked a question and he just goes off on her about how twins are cool and misha is shaking his head lord oh lord and that is the minute daniella decides that hey maybe they need even more alcohol lmfaoooo it’s a lot. poor misha i genuinely feel bad for him.

and then he goes ‘real men have twins’ and looks at misha and misha is still not having it so he goes ‘it’s just a shirt’ like girl (gn) pleASE that’s husband behavior, yet again, why else would he feel the need to clarify it. ‘look babe don’t be mad or jealous i don’t mean anything by it, it’s just a shirt’ i hate him.

i just know misha would have wanted to take the apple juice away from jensen lmao.

one of the moments [9m35s] that always stands out to me is when they go ‘that’s why we don’t bring steven’ ‘that’s right, that’s why he’s not allowed’ idk how to explain it but the way that just flows out of them so naturally feels very coupley for some reason.

i think we can all agree that jensen’s reaction [12m22s] to misha’s ‘i always wear orange underwear’ story is completely fake, right? because there is no way he didn’t know that, and his reaction was very exaggerated. plus, the little gesture to make misha show his underwear? bitch, please. whipped. there was also exactly zero reason for him to come that close to misha in order to inspect the color of his underwear.

the one thing that i wonder about, though, is why misha didn’t know jensen was wearing the famous underbear briefs? but as i am writing this i realise that even if they slept in the same hotel room, there are obviously a few different possible reasons why misha didn’t know what underwear jensen was wearing that day: either jensen showered and changed in the bathroom, so by the time he faced misha again he was fully dressed, or misha had to leave their hotel room earlier than jensen, or jensen changed while misha showered, etc etc.

in any case……. jensen dropping trou in the middle of this fucking panel? absolutely batshit insane, 10/10 thank you for your service nesnej.

this [13m54s] is where shit really starts to hit the fan. jensen is OUT OF CONTROL. the long stares??? the ‘rawr’s??? ‘you didn’t even get the full picture’??? (sidenote i would love to know what misha whispered to him right after).

OKAY so. when the girl mentions j*red and jensen goes all Knowing What’s Up and says ‘oh he has had a rough time today. misha kept us up way too late last night. *glances at misha* rrrrrrr’ listen. the only reason i am not reading too much into this is because i do not believe they had a threesome with j*red but also the way he said it was very sus and my mind can’t help but wonder if they were disgustingly flirty and way too touchy feely in front of j*red whilst drunk and honestly that’s probably the case.

of course this is followed [15m15s] by the insane man saying ‘by the way they go down to here’??? and the potentially whispered ‘i’ll show you later’?????? sir i have a lot of questions. number one: how dare you?

bless this next person for this question, because she starts her sentence with: ‘people who have been together for a long time…’ i actually already made a post about this once so i implore you all to read that because i still stand by what i said in there.

it is of course followed by them both not being able to think about ANYTHING appropriate to say to the question if there is anything they only do in front of each other that doesn’t involve pants. and then misha goes ‘why don’t i just share a private moment that we had’ and jensen’s first instinct is to say ‘shit’. i mean. i am merely perceiving.

this is the moment we realise that it has been quite The Day for them, but especially for jensen, because he has been emotional earlier in the day. which, again, could explain his demeanor during the panel. trying to distract himself. notice that he gets up and shakes his legs again and goes for a drink the second misha starts to tell the story: coping mechanisms aka distraction, just like he did at the start of the panel.

the moment where he goes ‘it’s hitting me now. shit.’ really solidifies this theory for me, that he has been acting like a goofy drunken guy all panel, in order to drown out the emotions he felt that afternoon, but alas. once he started to talk about it, it still all came back to him.

i will say this though: it kind of warms my heart that he was so touched by the fact that the fandom spawned something good. makes me feel slightly less dumb for forming parasocial relationships with that man. only slightly, but still.

misha going ‘god he’s so grouchy’ [25m32s]? say it with me, folks: husband behavior. once again misha tries to talk jensen down and jensen listens (sort of). say it with me, folks: d/s behavior. and RIGHT after that jensen walks towards misha with this intense fucking stare in his eyes that makes me feel like i am intruding, and then after he gets another drink (nesnej, why?) he just. gently massages misha’s neck and shoulder before draping his arm around him? and his hand lingers when he goes to grab the keychain? okay.

insert the famous ‘when in rome’ debacle lmao misha was so done with jensen by then it’s so hilarious. the funny thing is that misha says ‘what i mean is show each other our underwear, nothing weird. you can’t look at me like that, because of what you did’, while the question was ‘what would dean and cas do in rome’ and not ‘what would jensen and misha do in rome’ but clearly, once again, the actors cannot make a distinction between the two. interesting :) it also wouldn’t surprise me if jensen has told him to tone down the dean/cas answers but now that jensen decided to fully flash him on stage misha is like ‘sorry but i am not playing by your rules after what you did’ lmao. of course, jensen’s reaction is to go back to parting his legs for misha, like he is challenging him. i mean. you can’t make this shit up.

am i the only one who thinks that jensen might be thinking dirty thoughts when misha repeats ‘what would dean and cas do’ [27m50s]? because like. that’s quite a face he is making.

when he says ‘i don’t know how to answer that’ and misha agrees, idk, for some reason i get the feeling that that’s in the sense of ‘i don’t know how to answer that in a way that won’t get our fans’s hopes up because we know what they would want and we know what we would answer but we can’t go there’.

i really feel like the final straw for daniella was the way that jensen reacted to that last question like he was gonna have another breakdown lmao and that’s why the rest of the cast and crew were pushed onto the stage prematurely. because when you think about it, it’s a pretty rude thing to do when somebody is still answering a question? but okay.

listen - the last 6 minutes of this panel are so chaotic sdjfhsjh the only thing i can conclude from it is that jensen is hella drunk but we’ve been knew. his mood changes by the fucking second. i love him and his little dance and how he sits down on the stage. i feel like i might be jensen coded when i am drunk. i too get slutty and unpredictable.

so anyways long story short: jensen was hella drunk and wanted to provoke misha, it worked, they had hot sweaty sex after this panel, and the fact that jensen got drunk enough to entrust misha with taking care of shit during the panel makes me very emotional for some reason, and i just love them a lot. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

#cockles #i am sorry this is such a mess lmao but enjoy i guess?#jib 8 #alsaurus-loves-dean #i edited in the timestamps because apparently the links dont work on mobile and just jump to the beginning of the vid. sigh

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mercgaydes · 2 years

Note

basically lando did a podcast where he mainly talked about his mental health, privilege he has with his father, and his progress getting into and through formula one. but the things people seem to be discussing are:

a) timestamp 33:10 onwards; sochi and how he handled it and how he *should have* handled it. also talked about how mercedes got it right in sochi with lewis and he and mclaren got it wrong, and how it flipped in turkey, with merc and lewis getting it very wrong and he and mclaren getting it right (after learning from sochi)

b) timestamp 46:13, was asked about what it was like racing against someone you've grown up watching (lewis in particular). talked about trying to anticipating what an experienced 7-time might do (in austria and sochi specifically) and how there wasn't one singular outstanding mind-boggling thing that he couldn't handle, which built his confidence in racing against drivers in that upper half of the grid

c) timestamp 50:00 onwards, talked about relationships with the media, social media, and fans. talks about how it can pick out and misconstrue things you say. brings up the example about how social media specifically picks up on little things and how they're usually "probably about lewis or sebastian, the drivers i respect more than *anything*" and twists his words to make it seem like he's disrespecting them. presenter brings up the 'winning in a merc means less' idea that followed his comments after lewis won his 7th, where lando says "the expectation is for him to win a race, because he's in a mercedes". which, to be fair, he isn't wrong about. the expectation of midfield vs. frontrunner is very different.

the big quote and conversation that everyone (on twitter specifically) seems to be brushing aside is how he further explains it (incoming transcript):

it's a tricky thing. because what i meant, i would never mean anything to have bad intentions; that's just not the person i am [...] i would never mean it. especially in an interview when i have nothing against the person, like lewis at this point, or mercedes. like, what's the reason? there's no gain for me... that's just silly.

so the fact that people want to put it across that way, and if people believe that, they just don't know me very well, right?

but um, the obvious one is that i've just got to be more careful with what i say here and there. but once you get through it a couple times, people start to have a bit more of a belief in you, in the things you say, rather than [basing it all off] you just saying one comment which is [they think is] outrageous.

and maybe the respect that you've gotta gain a little of, the bit of respect where you do sometimes say things that people don't agree with, because you loose those few people that hate you for saying those things. and i'm very happy to have people not follow me if they want to believe everything they see on social media, because they just simply don't know who i am very well.

so you gotta accept it a couple times, go through those hard times, being told off by the team and things pike that. but you also realise you have the right to say things that you want, and not everyone's gonna agree with it.

but, yeah... i never want people to think i mean it in a bad way, or think like, we spoke about it earlier, that i think i'm miles better than anyone, and i should have more right to do things and say things than other people. like, that's far from what i'd ever believe, and want to lead people to believe.

so it's hard, because i'd always have the best intention, but it's just people understanding that is what's difficult.

he then continues a little bit to say that he's made peace with the fact not everyone will agree with him, and that he's moved on from being centre-ground of everything, and feels confident enough that he doesn't mind what opinions people have of him.

to be honest, the conversation in the podcast is pretty fair, and it's interesting to hear what it's like from his perspective. but it is pretty hilarious to see people doing the exact thing he talks about in the podcast, with cherry-picking and twisting his words lol

wow okay first of all this is very thoughtful of you to send my way! I can’t imagine how long it took to type this all out, appreciate you anon <3.

anyways for those who wanted a one stop shop to read about what happened here it is^^

tbh this is one of those landogates i think i just don’t have a real opinion on, partially because this in inter-driver drama (or lack thereof, depending on how one sees) and doesn’t have like … real world repercussions, and partially bc I’m too exhausted from studying for boards to have an opinion on anything except treatment plans for heart failure atm 😅

#anyways idk I also did watch the interview myself and I see why both sides feel the way they do #I just think it boils down to lando needing to stop talking about this #like it’s over let it go let’s not bring it back again and again #like no one is gonna agree so what’s the point #anon u somehow wrote a mini essay in my inbox I’m in awe #ur power is unmatched #anon #asks

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blee-bloop-im-a-bee · 3 years

Text

a scuffed scuffed podcast summary/liveblogging?

(mostly focused on dream, quotes might be off but its the general gist, timestamps not exact to second lol)

- Praise and congratulations all around for Sapnap and Punz’s valorant skills

- Dream: “well I woke up this morning and I found out I was a racist soo..” (context: Someone asked Jack how he felt about the Queen being racist and he replied that doesn’t really know anything about that and that he didn’t really care)

- They didn’t get into it though, Train said he was never going to get into Dream’s drama on this podcast (which he remarks is because it gives him anxiety, but I appreciate him for doing it nonetheless)

- on Tubbo joining in: Train confirming he would need a different cast because he’s concerned about Tubbo’s audience (& parents) and wants to set up another podcast properly where it would be more appropriate for them, to which Dream comments is respectable.

- Dream mentioned geoguessr

- after Train’s weird (/lh) intro for dream 1:22:00---

Dream: “You didn’t mention--oh nevermind it’s fine”

(Me, wondering if he was talking about his drama still)

Train: “OH YEAH, AND ONE OF THE FATTEST C**** IN HISTORY”

Dream laughing and going “you didn’t mention it, you mentioned it for everyone else..”

- Ludwig on having to limit his subs: yeah I’ve had to limit them but I found that some people have still managed to get around that

“I don’t think anybody would try to get around that”- Dream

- They talked about the david dobrik drama, I didn’t care so much for the topic so I spaced out but Dream put in some thoughts about someone’s apology it seemed like he wasn’t on board with it (sorry I wasn’t paying attention)

- Dream, was that you that mentioned jenna marbles? (1:41:35) crumbs of my favorite ccs colliding??

- Dream: acknowledging the difficulty of females coming forward to speak out against creators for fear of being lashed out at by the fanbase (1:42:00)

- Abdou: Do you think big creators actually don’t realize the power they have? Will: I think it’s more that they start forgetting that their fanbase are still real people... (neat food for thought, they were still talking in the context of david dobrik but because they were also mentioning how he achieved fame at a young age, i couldn’t help but think about dream)---- dream said nothing during this part

- topic on among us, Dream chiming in at 1:51:00 (spaced out didn’t listen)

- spaced out more, dream’s face reveal went trending on twitter apparently just cause of an earlier mixup when punz’s face showed up in the box where dream’s name was

- in the background, dream was also on his private twt to reassure a fan commenting on how moe brought up dream’s fans negatively (i remember moe bringing us up but i didn’t catch the context)

- ~2:10:00 ish?? Youtube talk, dream didn’t say much :(

- Dream once again declaring that Ludwig will definitely keep streaming until the end of the month and that he’ll make sure of it

- Ludwig saying Dweam

- Ludwig not leaving until he heard Dream say goodbye which dream claims he did, and that Ludwig couldn’t pick and choose his goodbyes. Ludwig threatened to ban Dream’s alt to which Dream was like “NO no no don’t i want to be able to read your chat”

- Dream, loudly: “I have never had sushi” (not unprompted, they were talking about sushi, but I just liked how he said it-- he used the voice)

- Dream lore: He had walmart sushi. He got roasted for it (deserved)

- Talking about cancel culture:: ~~2:53:00 2:57:30 Dream brings up his drama and summarizes it but does agree that if he those videos about him been true, he should be cancelled (I think that was his gist?)

Train’s point is that there is too many people who are quick to cancel, but when they are wrong, do nothing to make things right ie. Johnny Depp situation

Moe acknowledging that theres a culture of bandwagoning on hating on popular creators

3:01:00 Will bringing together all the points & mentioning Kacey and kpop stans bringing up the time they bought out trumps speech tickets- and hopes that all of the stans (kpop, minecraft) continue to have this passion when they turn 18 to affect the ballots

- Train talking about weebs and about to go a buck fifty, dream and karl were warning him to “be careful” lmao (i think train said something about how its always the ones with anime pfps saying the weirdest shit)

- I wonder what dream is doing while they’re all talking about manga/comics- I’m waiting for him to come in and say: I have never watched anime in that voice he didn’t end up saying this

Dream: “Gorillas are really strong..” King kong vs. Godzilla convo

Dream saying something about spiderman, then Train calling spiderman a pussy and like wtf man I was starting to think you were alright, and then talking over dream?? unforgiveable. /j

-oop they’re going back into cancel culture when Train reads out a tweet: ~3:34:00 I can’t summarize this, this is a little too deep for my sleepy brain, but I feel like train is talking about how quick to judge people are almost being ready to jump the gun just to cancel someone thinking that that person wanted to cancel him, but Dream is pointing out that both sides don’t really understand each other and that person probably wasn’t trying to cancel Train. Jack also spoke up to help clarify to which you could hear Dream agreeing.

Dream acknowledges that there is a need for creators to make an effort to understand discussion that goes around and to be respectful at the same time, admitting that he’s reacted in anger in the past and disregarded discussions.

^ There were a lot of points made, and I didn’t get all of dream’s responses. It was interesting conversation because we have Train being honest and venting his frustrations about cancel culture which I can sympathize with. Dream (and Jack) spoke up a lot during the whole thing to try to shift Train’s point of view and the things he said were really admirable

Dream brings up the thing that happened with charlie a while back and said he dm’d charlie about that misunderstanding as dream puts it- and says that they are good now and saying something along the lines of open communication being so important

- Someone: “the only thing that matters is that my wife doesn’t cancel me.” Dream: “that’s really sweet” <- no u

- “Would you let your kids watch on Twitch” Dream: As long as you’re aware and know about Twitch and Youtube, and as long as you teach your kids internet safety it should be fine

- Dream, on Train saying he hopes everyone will still be friends with him after this: “I actually hate you now” (in a joking tone). Dream wants to play among us with Train. Dream, prompted to say one nice thing about Train and also the last words he said on the podcast: “An attractive motherfucker.”

#this is a really scuffed summary #idk i just felt like using this podcast to practice my listening skills #dreamwastaken #i have zero opinion about all this #all i know is listen to dream voice

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sideblog-666-thousand · 3 years

Text

Euronymous Interview in Decibel of Death, ‘87. English Translation. Ft. Euronymous’ depraved torture fantasies involving Coca-Cola.

‘Decibel of Death’ was a French fanzine from the 80s. It’s first issue was released in ‘86, and by the summer of ‘87, it switched over from French to English-language. This has been my favourite interview of Euronymous for a long time now, so I decided I’d translate it to English so that other, non-francophone, people could enjoy it too. This issue in particular is from February of ‘87, and was their fourth issue overall.

I’ll add a link to where you can find this, and other D.O.D scans, below. If anybody wants me to translate more French, or Russian, interviews, feel free to PM me.

Note: NDLR is the editor’s notes. Any commentary or context by me will be in bold and in parenthesis, so feel free to totally ignore it. If something is between “« »” it’s because it was already written in English to begin with.

Disclaimer: if some of the sentences sound like the energizer bunny is hooked on an iv rig full of pure meth, don’t blame me, I did my best. Take it up with Euronymous himself. Also, I’m not excusing Euronymous’ poor behaviour, I’m just saying his poor behaviour is kind of entertaining.

Without further ado...

D.O.D: And once again, here’s Norwegian Mayhem. If you remember, we presented them to you back in the May issue of D.O.D. Since then, they released a new demo titled “Death Crush”!! Because of this event, we decided to ask the guitarist of this rather sinister band a few questions.

D.O.D: Okay, there’s been more than a few line-up changes in Mayhem. Can you tell us what the current one is?

Euro: Alright, there’s me on guitars, Manheim on battery, Necro-butcher on drums, and our session vocalist, Maniac.

D.O.D: And what is the medium age of the group?

Euro: We are all 18 years old.

D.O.D: How long has Mayhem been around for?

Euro: Mayhem has been around since August of ‘84 with this line-up, before that, I played in another shitty metal group that was also called Mayhem. The other members also played in a crappy band before we all met.

D.O.D: How would you describe your music?

Euro: Ah, well, it’s like a wall of sound played at extreme speed all mixed with the sound of a chainsaw!!

D.O.D: In your opinion, who are the biggest posers on this planet?

Euro: That definitely has to be the Swedish group ‘Europe’. «Fuck them!!» I hate this band!!

D.O.D: Ha ha, what would you like to do to make them suffer?

(This is the exact moment where the interviewers realize that Euronymous is literally fucking insane. The editor censors some of the things Euronymous says because he has a very vulgar manner of speaking, so, brace yourselves. To make it abundantly clear— I didn’t censor any of this, if it was me, I’d let him continue swearing ‘til next year if he wanted to. Take it up with D.O.D!)

Euro: First of all, I’d cut them and make them eat their own (bleep)!! Then, I’ll fuck them in the ass with an empty bottle of Coke, and if they’re still alive somehow, I’ll drown them in their own piss!! (NDLR: I’d do the same to a few guys in Germany and Switzerland!!) But all of this is reserved for their guitarist, drummer and bassist, I have a far crueler torture for their singer, for him, I’m simply going to break his mirror and steal his perfume!! Haaaaafuckinghah!!! (NDLR: ahahahaha, this is so much fun!!)

D.O.D: Okay, Euronymous, onto more serious topics, who composes the most in Mayhem?

Euro: It’s me and Necro, but sometimes Manheim comes up with good riffs, he actually wrote most of P.F.A (Pure Fucking Armageddon)

D.O.D: I believe thrashers reacted pretty well to your first demo, right?

Euro: Despite the zero sound of this demo. It's true that it's actually the hardcore thrashers that appreciated it, although it was the others hating it that gave us an enormous promotion like with 'Metal Forces'.

D.O.D: Has there been groups that have influenced you?

Euro: Of course, early Venom has really inspired us, although we don’t sound like them in any way. We’re also influenced by bands like Hellhammer and Sodom.

D.O.D: Mayhem is a common band name, what do you think of other Mayhem (such as NYC Mayhem, Mayhem (WC), Mayhem (Oregon))?

Euro: NYC Mayhem* are excellent, I adore them! (NDLR: me too!!) and they call themselves NYC Mayhem. But as for the other Mayhems, they stink, «fuckin’ shit», like the Mayhem that’s on Metal Massacre VI*, they really stink, their music isn’t destructive like ours is at all, they don’t deserve this name, I hate them!!

D.O.D: I heard you guys played a show, how did that go?

Euro: It was really «cool», it was at a small rock festival that had around 3-400 «discofucks» (NDLR: this is the censored translation) and when we went on stage with our first session vocalist “Messiah”, we broke a bass over their mouths!! We gave these idiots hell!! Ha ha!! (I’ll link the show he’s referring to below)

D.O.D: And how did your other gigs go?

Euro: For now this has been our only show!! And we don’t know how the crowds will react at the prospect of future gigs.

D.O.D: Fair. Since we’re talking about future gigs, what will those be like?

Euro: They’ll be full of occult things, we’ll play in complete darkness and there’ll be red blood spots, chandeliers, smoke, and pig heads on stakes, it’ll be totally thrashing!!

D.O.D: How’s the Norwegian thrash scene? It’s pretty dull, no?

Euro: Right now, «it sucks», there’s no audience, but it seems to be going in the right direction with bands like Vomit*, Septic Cunts, Decay Lust, and Flowers in The Dustbin.

D.O.D: And what kind of things are your lyrics about?

Euro: depravity, like tearing someone’s (bleep), eating worms, and all those fine things!!

D.O.D: What are your favourite bands?

Euro: Really hard question, there’s so many good bands coming out but I think the bands I like the most are old Venom, Deathchamber, Sodom, Necrophagia, Destruction, Death, Kreator, Poison. (No, not THAT Poison)

D.O.D: Do you ever listen to hardcore?

Euro: «Yeah» I like Chaotic Discord, Septic Death, UK Subs, and others. It hasn’t been that long since I went to see Disorder and it was awesome!!

D.O.D: Are you considering going on tour?

Euro: No, not exactly. But soon we’ll play at a Norwegian thrash festival. We’ll also play at a thrash festival in Copenhagen, and probably do a few shows with Kreator/Necrophagia in ‘87.

(No, this isn’t a typo on my end, it actually says ‘87. There’s two reasons why this might be the case. One, it could be an error on the part of the editor, who deserves an interview of his own, or two, it could be an error by Euronymous himself since the interview might have been conducted in January. Euronymous could have mixed the years up as one sometimes does. However, ‘Death Crush’, the demo, actually came out in March of ‘87. What the interviewer and Euronymous are referring to as ‘Death Crush’ is likely ‘Death Rehearsal’, which is exactly what it sounds like, and was taped back January of ‘87.)

D.O.D: I heard you guys are recording a new demo, is it ready?

Euro: We just entered the studio to record the second “Death Crush” demo, but at the moment, we only have three songs. I’m also unsure of whether or not we’ll have enough money to record anything else, and the vocals still haven’t been put to music!!

D.O.D: There’s some rumours that you guys were contacted by certain record labels, is this true?

Euro: It’s true, we got a letter from Axe killer records saying that they were interested in us but they never listened to our music and I also sent them our demo tape but I don’t believe we’ll be receiving any letters from them now!!

D.O.D: Do you have anything to add?

Euro: Of course, «fucking ARGHHHH!!»

There, that’s all :)

If you’re interested in some of the asterisks I put in, here they are in order of their appearances:

*Unlike most of the bands Euronymous named in this interview, NYC Mayhem (and later as Straight Ahead) never released more than a few demo. They were a straight edge band from, you guessed it, NYC— Queens to be exact. Despite never releasing a full album, their sound inspired some grindcore and death metal bands, notably Carcass. They were also straight edge, which makes Euronymous’ mental breakdown over the Mayhem that was on Metal Massacre very, very ironic. Especially considering he was pretty straight edge himself, especially back in 1987– outside of maybe smoking some pot.

Here is their 1985 demo, https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=t-3geR1JbY4

*Metal Massacre is a series of compilation albums starting in 1982, released by Metal Blade records. Typically, these were independent and unsigned bands. Some notable ones include Metallica on the first edition with ‘Hit the lights’. Slayer in ‘83 with ‘Aggressive Perfector’. The ‘84 edition had Voivod, Overkill, and Hellhammer.

The one which Euronymous is referring to, however, is the one from ‘85. Here it is, the timestamp is 14:19 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HqwfsLvLvuY

It’s really not that bad— certainly not worth the double exclamation points.

*If you don’t know who Vomit are, you must not know much about early Mayhem. They were another thrash band who shared rehearsal space with Mayhem. Torben Grue and Kittil Kittilsen (what a sad fucking name) were also ‘in’ Mayhem at some point. Kittil once shaved off his eyebrow, but I don’t know why. Here is a picture of the dork:

The show Euronymous is talking about: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mjay2Lmj9C8 yes, this is the show where Euronymous flashes his ass. I think it’s funny because he talks big but he seemed very hesitant to do it, and practically ducked backstage afterwards. Necro, on the other hand, was very proud to have broken his bass.

Well, that’s all I have. If you read this far, I hope you enjoyed the additional notes I left. Outside of a few more interviews of Mayhem, I also have a few obscure Emperor interviews that were posted to the internet in late 90s. There’s an especially funny one where Faust is allowed to interview Ihsahn and Samoth from prison. He’s sarcastic the entire time, refers to the readers as ‘morons’ and proclaims everyone should all die in a nuclear war with the same energy you cross yourself with. Overall, it’s a funny read. I also have one where he interviews Varg, and Euronymous (separately) for his own ‘zine back in the early 90s. Actually— I have A LOT of interviews of Faust for some reason, including two where he’s actually on camera. I might post them if I feel like it, or if somebody wants them. Is anyone here an especially big fan of Faust?

Last but not least, here is the link to the ‘zine:

http://france.metal.museum.free.fr/revues/fanzines/decibel_of_death/04/page_03.htm

#euronymous #mayhem #interview #black metal #true norwegian black metal #I typed this out so it’s mine #Euronymous interview #gee I really hope nobody else posted a translation of this because it took forever #can we make haaafuckinghah a thing?

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klvbxlove · 3 years

Text

omg (kanji & yu x gn! reader)

a/n: Y’ALL OH MY GOD. i’ve been wanting to write this for the longest time but never got the chance to ‘cause i was busy with other stuff. but now, i finally got to it! although i had to stop on a few occasions ‘cause writing some of the scenes had me blushing LMAO (PLEASE I JUST WANT YU AND KANJI TO BE REAL WTF). oh yeah, and just to clarify, i don’t own the song featured in this drabble! it’s actually pretty catchy (and spicy *WINK WONK*), y’all should listen to it. it’s a shame it’s not available on spotify or any other music streaming services, tho 😭

(GOD DAMN IT I WISH THERE WAS MORE YU X KANJI GIFS ON TUMBLR *CRIES*)

reader type: gender-neutral

reader specification(s): none

genre(s): lime, romance

trigger warning(s): slightly suggestive content

summary: on a hot summer day, while cleaning your living room, you decided to dance to one of your favorite songs-- and having sinful images of yu and kanji in your mind.

song(s) featured: “omg” by itano tomomi

audio link

lyrics (romaji & english translation)

lyrics (kanji & kana)

word count: 1.6k words

♡ ♡ ♡ (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε｀*) ♡ ♡ ♡

key:

(e/c) = eye color (n/n) = nickname (y/n) = your name

♡ ♡ ♡ (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε｀*) ♡ ♡ ♡

君もカレも魅力的、OMG! 誰か一人なんて選べない試してみる? tasty 急に奪って今すぐに kiss me

The song hadn’t gone into a minute, yet you could already feel your hips swaying to the beat. You weren’t even sure if you were cleaning your living room right now. It was more of you being distracted by the catchiness of the song and just wanting to dance. Every once in a while, you would lip-sync to the lyrics. Pretending you were performing it on stage.

But this was the type of song you would only perform for your boyfriends, Yu and Kanji. A private show, if you could put it that way.

ふと目が行くその手つきにもう夢中肩のラインも SO GOOD 頭の中は君と make love make love

Due to the summer heat coming from outside, you turned on a fan to cool down. You could feel the air flowing your body and brushing up against your clothes (you were wearing a light, oversized shirt and one of Yu’s boxers. What? They were comfy!). But despite that, you could still feel some sweat rolling down.

You weren’t so sure if you were hallucinating, but you swore you saw Yu and Kanji in the same room as you. Shirtless. It was almost as if they were there (or it might be just the heat).

With their backs towards you, you watched as they were also cleaning the living room and getting more work done than you were. They were also affected by the heat, as there was sweat dripping off of them. At one point, Yu sighed and ran one of his hands through his gray hair as if he was getting tired already. You couldn’t blame him.

You also couldn’t blame yourself for subconsciously licking your lips. You really couldn’t get enough of your boyfriends. But the fact you got two of them instead of just one? You almost wanted to consider yourself lucky to be with such amazing men.

止まらない想像が伝わったらいいのに

Oh, yes. Your imagination has gone crazy over Yu and Kanji at random points.

This song spoke to you a lot!

こっちもそっちも捨てがたいの OMG! 早く早く私捕まえて胸の内は nasty シャイだから言えないの feel me

You didn’t find any point in continuing to clean the living room. There would always be another time for you to finish up. So instead, you let your body move to the beat of the song. You had memorized the choreography of the song out of pure boredom, and needless to say, it was your go-to dance. Especially when you couldn’t get Yu and Kanji out of your mind.

You almost didn’t want anyone to know about how nasty your mind was when it came to your boyfriends. Your imaginations belonged to them.

uh yea yea ah uh yea yea ah uh yea yea ah... oh, OMG! ×2

You waited for the perfect moment for the beat drop.

And then...

OMG! ×2

It came.

You loved this part of the song. You felt a sense of boldness flow through your body as you dropped to the floor and continued the dance. Your imagination must’ve gotten to you, but you were seeing steam emitting from the room.

And it just so happened that Yu and Kanji were sitting on the couch, watching you (They must’ve decided that cleaning would save for another day, as well). From a glance, you saw Yu smirking at you. Meanwhile, Kanji’s face was turning a light pink while he bit his bottom lip.

Feeling their eyes on you sent a tingling sensation in you. And it flew throughout your body when you laid on your back and lifted your legs in the air as you continued the dance (**).

At this moment, you felt free. So free. It almost felt like you were wearing nothing but your undergarments. The air conditioner was able to hit all the spots on your body, cooling you down. But still, it wasn’t enough to stop the heat that you were feeling. And it wasn’t because of the summer weather.

顔がタイプ uh uh なんだか気も合う uh uh 知性的なのも他の誰よりも like that, like that

Eventually, you got back up on your feet, but your body was still moving. All you could think about was how badly you wanted Yu and Kanji. Nothing else was your concern at this moment. You had no idea how long you could handle the wait for them, considering how they were still hanging out with Yosuke and Teddie.

2人きりだと時が速いの秘密のお泊まりあるかも

And considering how it was still afternoon, you could have your boyfriends all to yourself for the next few hours. The excitement was getting to you--

“Well, well. What a nice surprise we came home to see. Right, Kanji?”

‘OH SHIT.’

You swore your head could’ve been snapped off your neck by how fast you whipped it. Turning your head around, you saw your boyfriends standing in front of you. Yu had an amused look on his face, and Kanji was flustered. Almost similar to how they looked when you imagined them watching you dance.

“U-Uh, yeah. I guess,” Kanji mumbled as he swallowed a lump in his throat. He was already feeling something in the down area of his body, and there was no way he could ever try to hide it. At least only you would be able to see it. And Yu, too. Thank the heavens that Yosuke and Teddie (or God forbid, the girls!) weren’t there to see it, though!

Meanwhile, you stood there in your spot, not moving a single inch of your body. You certainly weren’t expecting your boyfriends to be home that quick. Let alone catching you dancing to quite a spicy song. Were you embarrassed about it, though? No, it was mostly you being in shock.

And it wasn’t as if you wanted them to catch you.

Yu chuckled. “Those were some interesting moves you got there, (Y/N),” he said. You felt like your eyes were about to widen from how his voice sounded (there was some lust behind it). “Never knew you were quite a good dancer until just now. Another nice surprise to discover, too.”

“It’s nothing, really,” you smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of your neck. “I just got obsessed with this song and wanted to learn the dance.”

“We’re still not gonna deny that you’re good at it, though,” Kanji pointed out. At this point, he was surprised he didn’t get a nosebleed after watching all of that. His eyes were practically glued onto you as he watched your body move to every beat of the song.

How you didn’t notice him and Yu walking into the house in the middle of your dancing session, Kanji didn’t know. Either way, he couldn’t let out the noise when he watched you get on the floor.

Unbeknownst to you, Kanji’s imagination also went crazy.

“Aww, thanks!” you smiled, then bit the inside of your cheek. A habit you did whenever you felt flustered.

“But don’t you think you’d be good at dancing upstairs in our bed?” Yu’s voice suddenly deepened. It almost sounded like he growled.

‘Wait, what--’

“E-Eh?” you tilted your head.

“Because I certainly think so,” the gray-haired male said before he slowly walked up to you and grabbed you by the waist, pulling you close. When you looked at him, he had a sensual look on his face. A look that always sends butterflies in your stomach.

You almost didn’t have the time to make a noise of surprise when Yu suddenly locked his lips onto yours. Your (E/C) eyes widened. But it wasn’t long before you gave back into the kiss. No matter how many times you’ve done this, you could never get enough of how Yu was a great kisser. It always had you melting.

In just a matter of seconds, Kanji walked up behind you and began to place kisses on the back of your neck. At the sudden touch, you let out another small gasp. Yu found the opportunity to slip his tongue in your mouth. He also slipped one of his hands under your shirt and caressed it using his thumb. You let out a small moan at his touch, and Yu smirked into the kiss.

But it certainly didn’t help (or you know what? Maybe it did!) when Kanji subtly sneaked his hand under your boxers and began to play with the hem of your underwear.

Oh God, you felt like the steam was starting to come back inside the room. For all you knew, you were probably in heaven. But this was sinful.

Yu eventually pulled away, and a string of saliva followed. With the smirk still plastered on his lips, he whispered, “I think it’s time we take (Y/N) upstairs to our bedroom and have them perform just for us. Isn’t that right, Kanji?”

Said boy looked at Yu and had the same smirk. “Hell yeah.”

And before you could say anything, Kanji lifted you into his arms and carried you bridal-style. It prompted you to let out a squeal.

Yu chuckled. “That’s a cute noise you made there, (N/N). Although, you’re cute all the time. And don’t go denying it.”

‘Oh, God damn it!’

“Damn right, they’re always cute!” Kanji agreed.

Yu nodded. “But enough talk about that. How about we head up to our room now? And don’t worry, (Y/N). We’ll take real good care of you, we promise.”

A clenching feeling was building up in your stomach, but there was also some excitement. So with a nod and a flustered face, you allowed Kanji to carry you upstairs with Yu following behind the both of you. You had the feeling you were going to be sweating a lot in the next few hours. Again, not just because of the hot temperature.

Not that you minded.

(**) if you watch the music video for the song and go to the 1:37 timestamp, you’ll see the move i’m referencing (i’m not a dancer so i’m not good at explaining dance moves LOL). here’s the link if you wanna watch it. but as an fyi, it’s quite short.

#persona 4 #persona #persona 4 x reader #persona 4 imagines #persona imagines #kanji tatsumi #yu narukami #fanfiction #persona 4 golden #p4g #yu narukami x reader #kanji tatsumi x reader #various x reader #oneshot #kristin's writings

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the-insomniac-emporium · 2 years

Text

J Watches Arcane: Ep. 4a, Random Thoughts/Play-By-Play

Oi, only took me fucking months to finally get off my arse and watch the next episode, oops. What can I say, I'm allergic (and yet addicted) to sadness? Anyway, these are just thoughts that I have as I watch, with timestamps. Nothing super in depth, but I just enjoy keeping track of what I notice (might forget otherwise), and it helps with forming bigger pictures with the scraps later on.

Under read-more for length and spoilers (obvs). Seriously, tho, I had a lot of thoughts on this one, even if you ignore the parts that can be summed up with "J, your gay is showing" or "J, your gender envy is showing". I mean, seriously. I mean, like, I had to break this into two parts for formatting reasons. It's kind of absurd. Ends at roughly 22 minutes into episode 4

(1:53) WHAT IS THAT. I WANT TWENTY. FLUFFBALL. Why have I not heard of this fella before?

(4:29) Right up until this shot, everything post-intro/opening gave me low-key Bioshock Infinite vibes. I really should finish that game...

(4:42) Well, first of all, let me just say that I'm glad Caitlyn's mom is still a milf, I guess. Second of all... I know that there's a timeskip between episodes 3 and 4, and I think I read it's somewhere around 7 years, but the contrast between hearing Cassandra talk about Jayce now compared to the last time they interacted is just. It's there. I'm thinking about it. She's a politician, tho, yeah? Feels like she's got experience with putting reputation/public image first. Guess I'm just noting that here in case it pops up again- good source for conflict, yeah?

(4:52) MY WIFE! My wife has a dumb hat!!! I love her dumb hat!!!

(5:29, "we really have descended to anarchy") I am going to melt over her smile oh my god. Also, I appreciate her and Jayce's friendship/basically being siblings (which I have heard a bit about). The way that Cait is so clearly miffed about her post/things with her mother, but still softens up to joke around with Jayce- and the fact that Jayce took the time to come over in the first place :D

(5:55) OH IS IT MY BOY? IS THIS THE FIRST GLIMPSE OF MY GROWN UP BOY? I legit don't know if Ekko's role in the firelights (is that the right name? I have been trying to avoid spoilers) is, like, a huge thing/big reveal, so I don't know if I'll be upset that I got spoiled on it ages ago

(6:22) MY OTHER WIFE. Not to, like, make 50% of this post about how gay I am but-

(6:40) oh hey cool, I got the name right. also just want to say I fucking LOVE the firelights' designs, everything from their outfits to their tools to their sick ass hoverboards

(6:58) that was the smoothest fucking thing I have ever seen oh my god. if I was there to witness that, I would be proposing on the spot. marry me, cool mask man

(7:42, "oh no, she's here") is it my other other wife? is it time for me to start crying, from here until the end, as the chances of recovery slip further and further out of her fingers? will I weep neon pink tears of grape soda gamer fuel glimmer, as the echoes in her skull overwhelm? oh, to be so small, in a world so big and so loud, to feel like one must scream onto the void until their lungs give out, if only to be seen at all- if only to prove that you exist-

(8:52, "... hi")... I mean, like I said, it's a build up, ya know? the end of the rope doesn't feel as bad if you never saw how long it was to begin with, after all

(8:53, *click*) lmao never mind, love my poor, poor feral lass

(9:24) and so it begins. Or, well, it doesn't so much begin as it starts to rear it's ugly head. One thing that I've noticed, and will probably make a separate post for at some point (so the thought doesn't get lost in this jumbled mess), is that the little flashes we see of Jinx's hallucinations here aren't new, per se. Literally in the very first scene of the whole ass show, when the enforcers are walking through the smog, their masks glinting in the firelight, we see those flashes of comic-esque facial expressions, the sort of "signature Jinx graphic". From a design standpoint it's neat, but more importantly, recalling that from the first episode is a great way of showing two things.

Firstly, Jinx has been going downhill for a long ass time. It's not that what happened at the end of 3 completely broke her, it's that life stuck its fingers in the cracks of her mental state, and starting tugging until everything split apart. Also want to say that the fight scene between Deckard + crew and Vi + crew in ep1 also highlights this, specifically with the way everything goes into slow motion, and we Powder at the center of it all, back against the wall, eyes wide and panicked, unable to do anything- because poor girl is probably remembering that shit on the bridge

Okay, tumblr is making me break this up a little, please ignore this random thing, something about a characters-per-block limit?

Secondly, that whole opening sequence sets up the entirety of Powder/Jinx's trauma. Violence, flashes of light, clutching desperately to those who offer her comfort, culminating in the first major loss: Her parents.

Point is, this shit hurts my emotions. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk, and please remember that I am not a psychologist/therapist, just a writing nerd with a skeleton full of closets :) yes I know that I fucked that one up, but honestly I think it's funny enough to keep

(11:13) oh. oh, Viktor, time will never be your friend, will it? Deep breaths, love, what you do with what you have will be more than enough. Also look at the little fluffball, back again. Look at them, Viktor, they will give you serotonin

(12:00) these are forbidden candy. I will fucking eat them. Jinx would take one look at these and cronch on one too

(12:35, "the next chapter of Hextech") oh, so you make it stable and the first fucking thing you build is a weapon? please tell me I'm looking at this incorrectly, but that looks like Vi's punchy gauntlet. *three seconds later* okay cool, it has other applications. had me worried there. I mean, I know it will be used as a weapon tho, so... it's a mixed bag :)

(14:00, "a decade?" "it zips past you in the blink of an eye") Heimerdinger, my dude. I know you're small and maybe can't see Viktor's face as well, because you as so close to the ground and so far away, but look at him. Are you really telling me that Heimerdinger is not at all aware that Viktor's health is declining? Has he grown so accustomed to the endlessness of his own life, that he has no concept of the fragility of humanity? just feels a bit insensitive, don't it?

(15:13) why hello, Ms. Bond okay, glad cameras are a thing, even if they're kinda basic at this point. wanted to make sure that my eventual dumb fics can include cute couple photos

(15:44) Cait. Cait. my god. Was that really the best landing you could do? What the fuck. Do they not make sure enforcers know how to get around a little? God, that landing was so loud. Loud landings = hard landings, hard landings = painful landings. You want soft, quiet ones, and not even just for stealth. The process just makes it a hell of a lot easier on your joints!

(17:16) um. okay. sorry, did... did Silco turn The Last Drop... into a night club?... no no no, it's okay, that's fine, no worries. I am just... surprised, is all.

(17:22) is this that one very minor side character that some folks on tumblr are really gay for, but not everyone I've seen can agree on their gender? and also they don't even have a page on the Arcane wiki? and I did definitely check because I saw a picture and suddenly understood tumble's interest?

(18:19, "the world's growing smaller every day") did Silco read that one post I made the other day, when I was having a breakdown at five in the morning?... is he disagreeing with me because I disagreed with him about how it feels to drown, or is he replying to the ending of my post, saying that "hey, no worries, the world does eventually get smaller?". anyway this has been a stupid joke

(18:27) Hawkeye?... oh, nope, just my gf again. sitting in the rafters (very gay of her, if I do say so myself). also, I love that Silco does not react at all to her dropping down directly onto his desk. How many fucking times has she done this? How often did she scare him before he got used to it?

(19:30) this part here is specifically aimed at me. because the creators know I hate eye stuff. I am taking this personally, and not just because it gives me an excuse to pause the show and not look at what I assume is about to be eye needle time. *half a second later* I hated that. Why didn't I just hit play while not looking at the screen? Oh, right, so I could see if I was right and then post about it, duh

(20:28) if anyone is still reading at this point, they're probably tired of me pointing out the fact that I have a crush on essentially every female character. So. Hey look, it's Mel, I can't wait to see what she's been up to :D

Okay, yeah, breaking this into two parts because I've now hit the whatever limit twice, and I have literally never done that before today, so...

#j watches tv #j watches arcane #arcane spoilers #arcane netflix #arcane meta #not super meta but there are parts where I go into it

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