#At the Peak of Truth Despair Not

[pixxlotl]

back on my bullshit, have a truthlesssage doodle

[crk-kr-to-en]

EN:

At the Peak of Truth, Despair Not

KR:

진리의 꼭대기에 올라선 자여, 좌절하지 말지어다!

He who stands at the pinnacle of truth, do not despair!

Another vers: Do not be discouraged, O one who has ascended to the summit of truth!

"자자, 곧 2부 강연이 시작됩니다~! 다들 자리에 앉으세요!!"

고즈넉하지만 오래된 역사를 자랑하는 조그마한 광장에 울려 퍼지는 경쾌한 목소리! 화려한 모자를 쓰고서 우유 왕관 칼라와 와플콘을 닮은 금빛 소매를 멋드러지게 흔들며 강론을 펼치는 이가 여기에 있다.

옹기종기 모인 쿠키들의 중심에서 장대한 연대기를 막힘없이 읊다가도, 이해하기 어려운 철학을 ���난쟁이 쿠키도 알아들을 수 있을 만큼 쉽게 풀어 설명하는 수수께끼의 쿠키.

이야기를 듣기 위해 광장을 찾는 쿠키들은 존경심을 담아 그를 진리의 현자라고 불렀다.

처음부터 이 자리에 존재했다는 듯 유유히 나타나 기꺼이

"Okay, the second part of the lecture will start soon~! Everyone, please take your seats!!" A lively voice echoes through a small square that boasts a quiet but long history! Here is someone giving a lecture while wearing a fancy hat, a milk crown collar, and golden sleeves that resemble waffle cones. A mysterious cookie who can recite a grand chronicle without hesitation at the center of a huddle of cookies, and explain difficult philosophies in a way that even a newborn cookie can understand. The cookies who came to the square to hear his story respectfully called him the Sage of Truth. He appeared leisurely as if he had been here from the beginning and was happy to be there.

.

처음부터 이 자리에 존재했다는 듯 유유히 나타나 기꺼이 가르침을 베푸는 이를 향한 호기심 또한 뒤따랐으니. 누군가는 그가 마법 학당의 교수일 것이라 말했고, 누군가는 저명한 도서관의 사서라고 말하기도 했다.

마침내 질문하기를 두려워하지 않는 한 쿠키가 현자가 거쳐 온 곳을 묻자, 그는 평소처럼 과장된 몸짓으로 하늘을 가리켰다.

"아주 높아서 발 디딜 곳 없이 좁은 자리에서 왔다네!"

단 한번도 이해하지 못할 답을 주지 않았던 현자의 아리송한 대답. 그제야 쿠키들은 현자가 자신에 대한 이야기를 단 한번도 하지 않았다는 것을 기억해 냈다. 유쾌하지만 속내를 알 수 없는 현명한 친구가 계속 머물러주기를 바라며 쿠키들은 더 이상 그의 이야기를 묻지 않기로 약속했다.

There was also curiosity towards the person who appeared leisurely as if he had been there from the beginning and willingly offered to teach. Some said he was a professor at the magic school, while others said he was a librarian at a prominent library. Finally, when a cookie, not afraid to ask questions, asked where the Sage had come from, he pointed to the sky with his usual exaggerated gestures. "I came from a very high place with no place to stand!" The wise man's puzzling answer, which never gave an answer that was incomprehensible. Only then did the cookies remember that the wise man had never told them anything about himself. Hoping that their cheerful but mysterious wise friend would stay, the cookies promised not to ask about his story anymore.

.

평소와 같이 현자의 말을 듣기 위해 광장에 모여들었던 쿠키들이 모두 집으로 돌아간 특별하지 않은 하루. 그러나 소리 없이 내려앉은 땅거미와 함께 현자를 찾아온 손님이 있었다.

칠흑처럼 긴 망토를 입고 커다란 모자가 드리우는 그림자 밑으로 표정을 숨긴 손님은 아무런 말 없이 그저 현자를 바라볼 뿐이었다. 현자는 그의 뒤에 넘실대는 절망의 그림자를 눈치챘지만 누구에게나 그러하였듯 유쾌하고 친절하게 말을 건넸다.

"처음 보는 친구 같은데... 오늘 강연은 끝났으니 내일 다시 찾아주겠어?"

It was an ordinary day where all the cookies who had gathered in the square to listen to the wise man's words went home. However, there was a guest who came to visit the sage along with the silently descending twilight. The guest, wearing a long, pitch-black cloak and hiding his expression beneath the shadow cast by his large hat, simply stared at the sage without saying a word. The sage noticed the shadow of despair looming behind him, but spoke to him cheerfully and kindly, as he did to everyone else. "I don't think I have met you before, my friend... Today's lecture is over, so will you come see me again tomorrow?"

.

돌아가 주기를 고상하게 돌려 말했으나, 어두운 손님 또한 뜻을 굽히지 않았다.

"쿠키들에게 진리를 전하는 것을 멈추세요."

현자 역시 순순히 그의 말을 따르지 않았다.

"그렇게 해야 하는 이유는?"

되돌아온 질문에 무표정하던 입가가 일그러지고 수수께끼의 손님이 현자에게 다가섰다. 현자는 그제야 불청객의 얼굴을 확인할 수 있었다.

현자는 놀라움과 감탄을 담아 연극에 오른 배우처럼 과장된 인사를 건넸다.

"진리의 은둔자께서 찾아오시다니. 황송하여 몸 둘 바를 모르겠군요."

He made a polite remark to the dark guest, telling him to go back, but the dark guest did not budge. "Stop telling cookies the truth." The Sage also did not follow his words obediently. “Why should I?” The expressionless lips contorted at the question returned, and the mysterious guest approached the Sage. Only then was the Sage able to confirm the face of the intruder. The Sage gave an exaggerated greeting, like an actor on a play, filled with surprise and admiration. "The Hermit of Truth has come to see me. I am so embarrassed and at a loss as to where to put myself."

.

동시에 현자의 반짝이는 외알 안경에는 호기심과 의문 또한 비쳤다.

"진리의 꼭대기를 지키고 서서 절대 내려오지 않는다 들었는데... 이 미천한 학자에게 무슨 용건이 있으셨을까?"

진리의 은둔자의 두 눈에는 비통함이 맺혔다.

"다 알고 있으면서 되묻지 말아요. 당신 또한 진리의 꼭대기를 확인했다면... 그 무엇도 기다리고 있지 않다는 것을 알고 있잖아요."

현자는 과장되게 손뼉을 쳤다.

"아하~ 우리의 은둔자 님께서 꼭대기를 내려오지 않았던 이유를 드~디~어~ 알겠네! 진리를 구하는 쿠키들이 조금이라도 깨달음에 가까워지려고 하면 가차 없이 밀어내던 이유도!"

At the same time, curiosity and questions were also reflected in the Sage's sparkling monocle. "I heard that he stands at the top of the truth and never comes down... What could he possibly want from this lowly scholar?" The eyes of the Hermit of Truth were filled with sorrow. "Don't ask questions when you already know everything. If you have confirmed the peak of truth... you know that nothing is waiting for you." The Sage clapped his hands exaggeratedly. "Aha~ I finally understand why our hermit never came down from the top! And why he mercilessly pushed away any truth-seeking cookies who tried to get even a little closer to enlightenment!"

.

현자는 은둔자의 확인을 구하듯 고개를 비스듬히 기울였다.

"나는 또 어떤 욕심쟁이가 진리를 독차지하려나 했는데~ 그저 진리 앞에 좌절하는 쿠키가 없기를 바랐던 것뿐이었으렷다?"

은둔자는 굳이 대꾸하지 않았다. 오히려 잔인한 진실을 알고 있음에도 알게 모르게 쿠키들을 진리의 길로 이끄는 현자를 이해할 수 없었기 때문에.

"나 역시 아무것도 없는 그 꼭대기에서 마주한 끔찍한 진실... 모두를 구할 진리는 없다는 사실에 이끈 마음속 목소리를 수천 번, 수만 번 원망했지!"

은둔자 역시 거쳐온 수천 번, 수만 번의 원망을 누르지 못하고 절규하듯 되물었다.

"그렇다면 더더욱 왜...!"

The Sage tilted his head as if seeking the hermit's confirmation. "I wondered if there was another greedy person was trying to monopolize the truth but~ You just hoped that there would be no frustrated cookies in the face of the truth?" The Hermit did not bother to respond. Rather, he could not understand the Sage who was leading the cookies to the path of truth without knowing it, even though he knew the cruel truth. "I too faced the terrible truth at the top of nothing... I cursed the voice in my heart thousands, tens of thousands of times, that led me to the fact that there is no truth that can save everyone!" The Hermit, unable to suppress the thousands and tens of thousands of resentments he had experienced, asked again in a screaming voice. "Then even more so, why...!"

.

현자는 다른 쿠키들에게 그러했던 것처럼, 하늘을 가리켰다. "완벽한 진리는 없지만... 불완전하더라도 자신만의 진리를 걸어갈 가능성마저 부인할 수는 없지 않겠어?"

그리고 그 만의 과장되고 우아한 움직임으로 두 손을 펼쳐 보였다. "어쩌면 다른 쿠키들이 고난을 겪지 않게 하겠다는 은둔자 님의 진리처럼 말이야."

은둔자는 현자의 말에 대답하지 않았다. 그러나 현자는 은둔자의 대답을 알고 있었다.

기나긴 밤이 지나 언제나처럼 광장에는 아침이 찾아왔고, 현자는 새로운 강론을 시작했다. 그림자를 닮았던 불청객이 다녀갔음에도 광장은 여느 때와 달리 평온했으나...

현자는 들을 수 있었다. 세상 곳곳에서 진리를 찾아 가장 높고, 좁은 곳으로 향하는 쿠키들의 발걸음 소리를.

The Sage pointed to the sky, as he had done to the other cookies. "There is no perfect truth... but can't we deny the possibility of walking our own truth, even if it is imperfect?" And with his own exaggerated and elegant movement, he spread out both his hands. "Perhaps it is like the truth of the Hermit who will not let other cookies suffer." The Hermit did not answer the Sage's words, but the Sage knew the hermit's answer. After a long night, morning came to the square as usual, and the Sage began a new lecture. Despite the visit of the shadowy intruder, the square was unusually peaceful... The Sage could hear the footsteps of the cookies heading to the highest and narrowest places in search of truth all over the world.

"Wise man" and "Sage" are interchangeable. "Truthless Recluse" and "Hermit of Truth" is interchangeable. "Hermit" and "Recluse" are interchangeable. (Too lazy to change them all lmao)

My favorite details that are Parallels to Canon

His actions are described as "exaggerated."

"tilted his head" referenced to Beast!Smilk's Curious Sprite.

"Pointed to the sky" is something he does in game when he's talking while seated.

Kr Sage!Smilk calling himself "lowly scholar" to parallel Kr Beast!Smilk calling himself "lowly jester" (Also with En with "humble jester" and "humble scholar")

"his own exaggerated and elegant movement, he spread out both his hands." is a reference to Beast!Smilk's Happy Sprite. (And I imagine it's also not creepy lol.)

En under the cut!

.

"Quiet, quiet! Our lecture will resume shortly! Please take your seats in a timely fashion!"

A sonorous voice filled the old, quaint square. The voice belonged to a peculiar Cookie dressed in white and gold. Surrounded by a crowd of spectators, this mysterious Cookie now stood in the center of the square. He had just finished reciting an epic poem and was now explaining a convoluted philosophical concept to a freshly-baked flock, wide-eyed with wonder.

"The Sage of Truth," they called him.

It almost seemed as if the Sage of Truth had always stood in that spot, sharing truths and teachings with anyone interested. With time, more and more Cookies came to listen to the Sage. Some said he was a professor of magic, others claimed he was an archivist, until an eager disciple decided to put an end to this dispute with a question. As always, the Sage welcomed the query with a graceful gesture.

Pointing upwards, he uttered, "I hail from a peak so tall and narrow, it pierced the firmament itself!"

His confounding reply caught everyone by surprise. Only then did the disciples realize that never once had the Sage spoken about himself. Yet, they wished for the lectures to continue and chose never to pry again.

Another day, another fascinating lecture came to a close. The sky above began to tinge with red and Cookies headed back to their homes when a stranger entered the square.

The visitor was draped in a dark cloak and donned an enormous hat that cast a shadow over his face. The Cookie stood there without saying a word and watched the Sage. The silence was broken by the Sage’s courteous greeting, his eyes having already discerned the shadow of despair hanging over the guest.

"I don't believe I've seen you here before, my friend...! Alas, today's lecture is over. Care to come back on the morrow?"

Yet, the dark visitor paid no heed to his words.

"Stop teaching about the Truth."

"Why must I?" inquired the Sage.

The guest only grinned in reply and stepped closer. For the first time, a ray of light illuminated his face, and the Sage of Truth exclaimed delightedly.

"Aaahh, if it isn't the Truthless Recluse himself. To what do I owe such a pleasure?"

His monocle glistened with genuine curiosity.

"It is said that the Truthless Recluse never descends from the Peak of Truth... How may this humble scholar be of service to you?"

The Recluse's eyes brimmed with sorrow.

"Stop pretending. You know all too well that there is nothing at the Peak of Truth."

The Sage clapped his hands.

"Eureka! At last, the answer to the age-old question is found! Why the Recluse never leaves his beloved peak vacant! Why every Cookie who neared true enlightenment was inevitably pushed back from the ascension they so craved!"

He tilted his head, expecting a confirmation. "All this time, my best hypothesis was that the Peak of Truth had been seized for good by some petty curmudgeon. Do you mean to say you sought only to protect seekers from disappointment?"

The Recluse did not bother to deny the Sage's words for he loathed the Sage for guiding Cookies right into the maw of the cruel Truth.

"I, too, once made the same mistake, and for that, faced despair upon the Peak... There was no Truth expecting me. No Truth to save us all. And I cursed myself hundreds, thousands of times over for my folly."

And all his sorrow and despair surged forth in a single question.

"Why do you persist?!"

To that, the Sage only pointed upwards and said, "Alas, the Truth is imperfect by design... and yet, one must not turn away from the light of one's own Truth."

And with a welcoming gesture, he added,

"Not unlike yourself whose Truth is to protect others from anguish."

The Recluse never answered. The Sage knew the answer anyway.

A long night passed and a new day dawned.

Yesterday's guest was long gone, and the square was as peaceful as it could be...

But the Sage could hear them. The footsteps of many seekers, stepping forth towards the Truth.

[breadwithpoprocks-fandom]

op's tags:

#we should make sage freakier/weirder again

#he's still smilk in the end and his sadistic tendencies will always be there

Sage is the type of guy who enjoys mentally tearing/beating someone down in a debate, me thinks... What a freak

[cupcakestreets]

That one part “At The Peak of Truth, Despair Not” costume story.

Also playing off PV’s flaw to withhold the truth because he doesn’t want to other to suffer like him really got me smh 😩 love him 💛💙

[multific]

Bound by Midnight

Vampire!Simon Riley x Reader

Summary: Simon has lived in the shadows for centuries, avoiding love, avoiding attachment, until you.

Simon had warned you.

Over and over again, his voice was always low and edged with something close to fear.

Stay away from me. Don’t get too close. I am not a man. I am a monster.

And yet, you never listened.

Perhaps it was foolishness, or maybe something deeper, a pull you couldn’t explain, an ache in your chest that told you to stay. From the moment you met him, you knew that Simon Riley wasn’t just a creature of the night; he was something more. Beneath the mask, beneath the sharp words and cold demeanour, there was a soul.

A heart that had stopped beating long ago, but still longed for something it thought it could never have.

You.

He had tried to fight it. Had pushed you away so many times that you lost count. But you saw through him. You saw how his gaze lingered, how his voice softened when he spoke your name. How, despite every warning, he never truly walked away.

Until the night it all fell apart.

The attack was swift, unexpected. One moment, you were laughing, teasing him about his brooding nature, and the next, you were on the ground, warm blood pooling beneath you.

Your vision blurred, the pain sharp and unforgiving as a rival vampire loomed over you, his fangs stained with your blood.

And then Simon was there. A whirlwind of darkness and rage, tearing the creature apart with an inhuman snarl that sent shivers down your spine even as your body grew cold. You reached for him, your fingers trembling, and the last thing you saw was his face, horrified, desperate, as he cradled you against his chest.

Then, darkness.

And then, life.

A strange, aching hunger clawed at your throat when you woke, the world feeling sharper, louder.

Your heart no longer beat, and yet, you felt more than you ever had before.

Simon was beside you, his hands still cradling you as though he was afraid you would slip away.

His mask was gone, and for the first time, you saw him as he truly was. His sharp jaw was set, his piercing eyes were filled with something you had never seen before.

Despair.

"I never wanted this for you," he whispered, voice hoarse, raw. His fingers curled into your skin, not enough to hurt, but enough to ground himself. "You don’t understand what I’ve done."

You reached up, touching his face, feeling the tension beneath your fingertips. "You saved me."

His jaw clenched, and he shook his head. "I cursed you. I’ve bound you to this life, to me. You’ll never be free of it. Never be free of me."

There it was. The truth that haunted him, the fear that had kept him at a distance for so long. He didn’t hate what he was. He hated the idea of you suffering because of it.

But he didn’t understand.

"Simon," you murmured, guiding his face to yours. "If I had to die that night, I would have died in your arms. But I’m here. And if eternity means being bound to you, then I wouldn’t have it any other way."

His breath hitched, and for the first time since you had known him, Simon Riley looked lost. As though no one had ever told him that he was worth choosing.

Worth loving.

And so you showed him.

You pulled him closer, your lips brushing against his in the softest of kisses, and he shuddered.

He kissed you back as if he was afraid of breaking you, of breaking himself. But as the night stretched on, that fear melted, and something else took its place.

As the midnight hour reached its peak, Simon led you to the centre of the dimly lit room.

Music played softly from an old record player in the corner, and though he was never one for softness, he hesitated before offering you his hand.

A slow smile spread across your lips as you took it.

The two of you danced, moving through the shadows like ghosts, yet feeling more alive than ever. His hands were steady now, his grip no longer one of fear but of something deeper.

For the first time in centuries, Simon Riley wasn’t alone.

He pulled you closer, his forehead pressing against yours as you swayed in the dark. "I don’t deserve this," he whispered.

"You do," you whispered back. "You always have."

And as he held you, as the stars outside shone down upon the two of you, Simon finally let himself believe it.

Because for the first time in his long, cursed existence, he had something worth living for.

And he would never let you go.

~Masterlist~

ˇAO3ˇ

Wattpad

/DO NOT TRANSLATE, STEAL OR REPOST ANY OF MY WORKS TO THIS OR OTHER PLATFORMS/

[faemytho]

At the Peak of Truth, Despair Not

story analysis of the Diverged Paths costume set story with pure vanilla's truthless recluse and shadow milk's sage of truth, chunk by fucking chunk because i am INSANE and the parallels keep stacking up. they are the same in every universe. even this one.

this is an essay post and it is long. i am rambling a lot. i dissect certain lines in the story and talk about word choice. i also talk about how many parallels there are in this story to beast-yeast ep 7-8. i swear to god it makes sense. i am a writer by the way. fuck. anyways enjoy my insanity.

-

"Quiet, quiet! Our lecture will resume shortly! Please take your seats in a timely fashion!" A sonorous voice filled the old, quaint square. The voice belonged to a peculiar Cookie dressed in white and gold. Surrounded by a crowd of spectators, this mysterious Cookie now stood in the center of the square. He had just finished reciting an epic poem and was now explaining a convoluted philosophical concept to a freshly-baked flock, wide-eyed with wonder. "The Sage of Truth," they called him.

Setting the scene here, this is an "old, quaint square". The Sage is described here as "peculiar" and "mysterious", indicating that the cookies around him think he's odd. I'll return to the word "mysterious" later.

The word "flock" used here is also an interesting choice; a "flock of sheep". It's a backhanded way to call these cookies "sheep", which is used often in a derogatory way to indicate someone is unable to think for themself or unable to think critically at all, and just plays follow the leader instead of forging their own beliefs.

What's also an interesting thing to note is that the cookies call him "the Sage of Truth". The way this is phrased implies he didn't come up with that name, that he let the cookies name him. That, or he was waiting to be asked his name and was never asked, which I believe is also likely.

It almost seemed as if the Sage of Truth had always stood in that spot, sharing truths and teachings with anyone interested. With time, more and more Cookies came to listen to the Sage. Some said he was a professor of magic, others claimed he was an archivist, until an eager disciple decided to put an end to this dispute with a question. As always, the Sage welcomed the query with a graceful gesture. Pointing upwards, he uttered, "I hail from a peak so tall and narrow, it pierced the firmament itself!" His confounding reply caught everyone by surprise. Only then did the disciples realize that never once had the Sage spoken about himself. Yet, they wished for the lectures to continue and chose never to pry again.

The phrase here, "always stood in that spot", makes him seem more like an object, and less like a person with his own thoughts and feelings. The fact that the cookies begin to come up with things to say about him, that being that he's "a professor of magic", or that he's "an archivist", instead of asking him directly further lends to this line of thinking of him as an object.

This next part, where he is finally asked a question about himself, he exhibits two pieces of body language that show up later in the story at crucial moments. First, when he "welcomes" the query, he is being truthful about it; he wants more of these types of questions about himself. Second, when he "points upwards", he is lying; he claims to "hail from a peak so tall and narrow, it pierced the firmament itself!"

It is an exaggerated fib about the truth. This statement is immediately described as "confounding", meaning surprising or confusing especially in the context of not aligning with the inquirer's expected answer. The disciples then immediately realize that the Sage had never spoken about himself. Paired with such a confusing statement, one might think that such a realization would prompt more questions about the Sage himself, but instead, the disciples decide to focus on the knowledge he gives instead of wanting to learn about him, and so, never ask him another question about himself again.

This is why the Sage is described as "mysterious". They have never asked, and he has never told. The one time he was asked about himself, he said something exaggerated and outlandish; one can only assume he was trying to bait more questions of that nature, only for them to never come.

Another day, another fascinating lecture came to a close. The sky above began to tinge with red and Cookies headed back to their homes when a stranger entered the square. The visitor was draped in a dark cloak and donned an enormous hat that cast a shadow over his face. The Cookie stood there without saying a word and watched the Sage. The silence was broken by the Sage’s courteous greeting, his eyes having already discerned the shadow of despair hanging over the guest. "I don't believe I've seen you here before, my friend…! Alas, today's lecture is over. Care to come back on the morrow?" Yet, the dark visitor paid no heed to his words. "Stop teaching about the Truth." "Why must I?" inquired the Sage.

Setting the scene again for the debut of the Truthless Recluse. He approaches the square when the sun is setting and the sky is turning red, which is a nice bit of contrasting symbolism to Pure Vanilla representing the sun itself.

The Sage takes initiative to greet the Recluse, and immediately defaults to letting the Recluse know that he's done lecturing for the day instead of asking the Recluse about himself (not even a "How are you doing?"). One could speculate that this is a learned behavior; he is used to being used by the cookies who want knowledge from him, is never asked about himself, and as such, never asks personal questions of anybody else either.

But next, the Recluse addresses him directly, talks to him directly about the nature of what he does instead of asking for knowledge or treating him like something to wring answers from. This is probably the first time he's been talked to like this. It's a command, and he answers with a question of his own; the holder of the virtue of knowledge... answers with a question. "Why must I?"

The guest only grinned in reply and stepped closer. For the first time, a ray of light illuminated his face, and the Sage of Truth exclaimed delightedly. "Aaahh, if it isn't the Truthless Recluse himself. To what do I owe such a pleasure?" His monocle glistened with genuine curiosity. "It is said that the Truthless Recluse never descends from the Peak of Truth… How may this humble scholar be of service to you?"

It's interesting that the Sage recognizes the Recluse as soon as his face is revealed. It might indicate that they've met before, especially considering the Sage previously claimed to hail from what we can assume is the same peak the Truthless Recluse has stationed himself at.

The Sage is delighted to see the Recluse, and finally asks the Recluse a personal question, but phrases the question in an interesting way. "How may this humble scholar be of service to you?".

Calling himself humble could mean two things; that he is really a prideful person and is lying by calling himself humble to hide this fact, or, that, in choosing a passive adjective to describe himself with, he is attempting to deflect any aggression he might receive by asking a personal question. It could be both.

He also takes care to point out that he is "being of service".

The Recluse's eyes brimmed with sorrow. "Stop pretending. You know all too well that there is nothing at the Peak of Truth." The Sage clapped his hands. "Eureka! At last, the answer to the age-old question is found! Why the Recluse never leaves his beloved peak vacant! Why every Cookie who neared true enlightenment was inevitably pushed back from the ascension they so craved!"

The Recluse directly calls him a liar. "Stop pretending". The Sage of Truth is a liar! He tells lies and the Recluse can see right through them! But at least he has one thing going for him; he didn't name himself the Sage of Truth. The cookies did. They assumed he would never lie, and because nobody questions him, he has never been caught lying.

Cross referencing to canon Shadow Milk, we know that he holds resentment towards other cookies for just believing every word he said was truthful; being called out on a lie is probably something that's never happened before, especially not to the Sage of Truth.

On top of that, the Recluse is previously described as "a stranger", and the Sage mentions never having "seen him before" in the square where this takes place. All of that tied together means that the Recluse never heard the Sage's exaggerated fib about being from the Peak of Truth, and yet, somehow knows that the Sage is from the Peak of Truth. This is further evidence that the Sage and the Recluse have met before.

Upon being called a liar, the Sage of Truth reacts with delight, only to immediately deflect and deceive again. He turns the subject away from himself.

He tilted his head, expecting a confirmation. "All this time, my best hypothesis was that the Peak of Truth had been seized for good by some petty curmudgeon. Do you mean to say you sought only to protect seekers from disappointment?" The Recluse did not bother to deny the Sage's words for he loathed the Sage for guiding Cookies right into the maw of the cruel Truth. "I, too, once made the same mistake, and for that, faced despair upon the Peak… There was no Truth expecting me. No Truth to save us all. And I cursed myself hundreds, thousands of times over for my folly." And all his sorrow and despair surged forth in a single question. "Why do you persist?!"

"... seized for good by some petty curmudgeon". There's so much going on in this sentence.

If the Sage really does hail from the Peak of Truth, saying it was "seized" puts himself into a "helpless" position. If he cared about the Peak of Truth, what's stopping him from going to take it back? He is, after all, the holder of the virtue of knowledge, a godly power in his own right. Saying it was "seized" puts him in a helpless position and absolves him of any blame for anything that happens to it. Holding the power that he does at his fingertips also implies he doesn't care about the Peak of Truth at all, and is content to let it fall.

He says he'd thought the Truthless Recluse was a "petty curmudgeon"; I'll admit I had to look this word up, but it means a stubborn, ill-tempered person, typically an old man. Really funny actually, but he's negating this insult.

The Sage asks if the Recluse is turning cookies away from the truth to protect them from disappointment. The Recluse doesn't deny it; he "loaths" the Sage for guiding cookies towards the truth. Inverting that sentiment would imply that the Recluse turns cookies away from the truth to avoid disappointment, and uses deceit out of compassion for them. This is to prevent them from getting hurt, because "he too made the same mistake" of ascending to the truth, finding only despair instead.

The truth being described as a "cruel" "maw" is also such interesting imagery. It reminds me of Shadow Milk's snake that devours the sheep on the loading screen of the Awakened Pure Vanilla update. I'll also point out the fact again that the Sage's listeners were explicitly referred to as a "flock".

And finally, the question the Truthless Recluse asks the Sage of Truth. "Why do you persist?"

Because as far as the Recluse is concerned, he just got done explaining why the truth isn't worth it, so why should the Sage continue to preach it? Why do you persist?

It's a question asked out of a genuine, haunting, need to know why the Sage continues to send cookies into the hungry, crushing maw of Truth. It's asked out of desperate compassion for those cookies.

To that, the Sage only pointed upwards and said, "Alas, the Truth is imperfect by design… and yet, one must not turn away from the light of one's own Truth." And with a welcoming gesture, he added, "Not unlike yourself whose Truth is to protect others from anguish." The Recluse never answered. The Sage knew the answer anyway.

Here, the Sage points upwards; a previous indication that he's being deceptive. The statement he gives, "One must not turn away from the light of one's own Truth", seems to imply that he wants anyone listening to him to think that he thinks the truth is a good for cookies, of course, why wouldn't it be? However, throughout the entire story, the truth is regarded by the Sage as something negative, something that's been used to hurt, used to treat him like an object. So to truly answer the Recluse's question, what he's really implying here is that he guides cookies towards the truth because he's hurting, and he wants them to hurt too.

Next, he welcomes; a previous indication that he's being truthful. A welcoming gesture; spreading his arms wide, inviting the Recluse in. He truthfully wants the Recluse to call him out on this lie. He truthfully wants the Recluse to continue to speak with him. He sees an equal, a companion in the Recluse. Someone who understands.

This is such a blatant parallel to Compassionate Pure Vanilla offering friendship to Shadow Milk in episode 8, I would just like to point that out.

The Recluse never answers, but the Sage knows the answer anyway. Whether or not that "answer" is an agreement of companionship or a rejection of it is unclear, and is probably meant to be left ambiguous.

A long night passed and a new day dawned. Yesterday's guest was long gone, and the square was as peaceful as it could be… But the Sage could hear them. The footsteps of many seekers, stepping forth towards the Truth.

"The square was peaceful... But... the Sage could hear them."

This ending is very painful. The cycle of hurt continues. It would imply the Recluse rejected the Sage's offer of companionship, which is probably more likely here. However, the nature of the ambiguity means the Recluse could have accepted, and the seekers of truth may be what links the Sage and the Recluse now that they are apart. It's less likely.

Either way, they are the same in every universe. Even this one.

As I put it in a previous post, the difference between Pure Vanilla and Shadow Milk, no matter which path either of them are on, is their compassion.

The Truthless Recluse pushes cookies away from the cruel truth, while the Sage of Truth encourages them to seek out what he knows will hurt them.

Because even on diverged paths, Pure Vanilla will always care, and Shadow Milk can't ever find a reason to.

[hungrydata]

Day 146

Tried to break down the events of "At the Peak of Truth, Do not Despair" (aka the SoT/TR Costuke set story) to @magamasubitu

It didn't work sadly

Still thought it was funny (I just can't explain things without writing a whole ass paragraph)

Is this accurate? I think not but it's also quite difficult for me to understand wtf's going on

[peerlesschrysanthemum73011]

"...Do you mean to say you sought only to protect seekers from disappointment?"

The Recluse did not bother to deny the Sage's words for he loathed the Sage for guiding Cookies right into the maw of the cruel Truth. "I, too, once made the same mistake, and for that, faced despair upon the Peak... There was no Truth expecting me. No Truth to save us all. And I cursed myself hundreds, thousands of times over for my folly."

And all his sorrow and despair surged forth in a single question. "Why do you persist?!"

[the-cookie-dragons]

💛 At the Peak of Truth, Despair Not 🩵

okay im eepy now

I finally read their story when I logged into crk for the first time in like months 😭😭 (ive been very active in the fandom but not the game itself lmao)

EUREKAAAAAAA

[fluffshi-wxffle]

At the Peak of Truth, Despair Not

[pixxlotl]

Truthless Recluse summer outfit design! I don't think he'd be the type to wear shorts and tank tops, he'd feel too exposed. So instead, thin flowy fabrics and loose layers! (Also lots of necklaces because I'm a sucker for that)

[crk-kr-to-en]

En: Diverging Paths

Kr: "A Possibility of Another World" (또 다른 세계의 가능성)

진리의 현자

쉐도우밀크 쿠키

반짝이는 외알 안경 너머로 세상을 관찰하고 자물쇠를 여는 열쇠처럼 단번에 복잡한 의문을 풀어내는 현자가 여기에 있다. 화려하고 풍성한 소맷단을 자랑하듯 과장된 몸짓으로 희극을 연기하는가 하면 기나긴 두루마리를 닮은 옷깃을 휘날리며 웅장한 서사시를 읊조리기도 한다. 그러나 그를 따라 깨달음을 구하는 이에겐 따끔하면서도 상냥한 조언을 잊지 않는다는데, 완전한 진리는 없으나, 진리를 구하는 이 앞에는 무한한 가능성이 펼쳐지리라!

The Sage of Truth

Shadow Milk Cookie

Here is a wise man who observes the world through his shiny monocle and solves complicated questions in an instant like a key that opens a lock. He performs comedic acts with exaggerated gestures, as if showing off his splendid and voluminous sleeves, and he also recites grand epics while fluttering his long scroll-like collar. However, he never forgets to give stinging yet kind advice to those who seek enlightenment following him. There is no complete truth, but infinite possibilities will unfold before those who seek the truth!

I never knew I needed supportive Smilk in my life until now..

♤

진리의 은둔자

퓨어바닐라 쿠키

마음속 이정표로 간직하던 빛은 저물고 절망의 그림자만이 넘실댄다. 기나긴 탐구 끝에 다다른 진리의 정점에서 마주한 것은 명예도 축복도 아니요, 끝없는 절망뿐이었기에, 의심 없이 달려온 긴 여정에서 무엇 하나 보답받지 못하여도 끝내 내려놓지 못한 것이 있으니... 고달픈 순례의 길을 걸었던 마음을 잊지 못하고 은둔자는 오늘도 진리의 속삭임을 깊은 망토 속으로 감춘다. 더 이상 그 누구도 잔인한 진실과 마주하지 않기를 바라며.

The Hermit of Truth

Pure Vanilla Cookie

The light that was kept as a milestone in the heart has faded, and only the shadow of despair is overflowing. At the peak of truth that he reached after a long quest, what he faced was neither honor nor blessing, but only endless despair, so even though he received nothing in return on the long journey that he ran without doubt, there is something that he could not put down in the end... Unable to forget the heart that walked the arduous path of pilgrimage, the hermit hides the whispers of truth in his deep cloak. In the hope that no one will ever face the cruel truth again.

PV still self sacrificial as ever.

☆

En under the cut.

These are literally so confusing to read. Who wrote these?? 😭😭

A sage enters the stage. Questions? Mysteries? Puzzles? He is the one who holds the key that opens any lock to the unknown. His monocle is glistening under the limelight. His gestures, exaggerated like those of a brilliant comedian, follow the twists and turns of the great epic he is reciting. Truthseekers, ask-and the sage will gladly provide! For infinite are the wonders of knowledge.

The light of his soul has dimmed, blackened by the shadow of despair. For neither glory not blessings, but despair awaited him at the end of his long quest for the Truth. Yet, there was something he did not lose in his fruitless, lonely journey. The sinister whispers of the Truth he has sworn to hide within the folds of his dark robes. So that no one else ever has to face the cruel reality again...

[aventurineswife]

how would the hsr cast for sahsrau react to the creator always painting peaceful or happy moods, but when they get their hands on old documents or manuscripts of their works its,, like,, dostoevski (hope i spelled that right) level gloomy

Oh, that’s such a juicy contrast—this would hit hard.

Jing Yuan

He’d linger over those documents with quiet, furrowed brows. A tactician to the core, he recognizes when beauty is a mask for suffering. He wouldn’t say anything at first, but his protectiveness would ramp up tenfold. Suddenly, he’s around more. Quietly setting tea beside you, giving you space—but watching. He understands too well what it means to hide a storm beneath calm waters.

Kafka

She finds the contrast delicious. The fact that you’ve been painting joy but once wrote like a soul gnawed by existential dread? She’d be half-obsessed. “How beautifully tragic,” she might murmur, thumbing through a passage about despair. But if she sees signs you’re slipping back into that mindset, she’d get serious. She’s not about to let her muse spiral without a fight.

Dan Heng

Dan Heng would quietly start reading all of it. The texts, the marginalia, the date scribbles in the corner. He wants to understand. The disconnect would disturb him deeply, but not because he judges you—rather, because it mirrors something in himself. The Archivist in him wants to piece together your full truth… and the dragon within wants to protect it.

Welt

Welt would be haunted. He’s seen other worlds burn because truths were hidden under a pretty veneer. To him, your bright artwork has always been beautiful—but now, it feels like a cry for help wrapped in gold leaf. He’d want to talk. Not to fix you. Just to be there. To listen. He knows the weight of unspoken grief better than anyone.

Silver Wolf

She’d be fascinated. This duality? Peak storytelling. But unlike Kafka, Silver Wolf would start digging—why did your tone shift so dramatically? Was it survival? Was it rebellion? Did you outgrow despair, or simply learn to decorate it? Her care would be unspoken, hidden under teasing words and shared screens, but her curiosity would be relentless.

Blade

He’d recognize the pain like an old scar. Gloom is his native tongue. And the discovery that you once spoke it, fluently? That would change how he sees you. He wouldn’t comfort you—he doesn’t believe in comfort. But he’d stay close. Not because he thinks you’ll fall again, but because if you do… he’ll be there to catch the pieces.

Herta

Honestly? She’d be surprised. And intrigued. Her approach would be scientific: studying the transition in your work like it was a case study. “What caused the emotional divergence?” she might muse aloud. But beneath the academic front, she’d start low-key protecting you. A new security protocol here, a warning to others there. The Creator’s pain is… off-limits.

March 7th

This would shatter her. Her entire admiration has been built on your positivity and warmth—and now, seeing the darkness you once carried would make her cry. She’d worry she never saw the “real” you. But after the shock, she’d become your most determined cheerleader. You’ve been through this before. You got out. She’s going to help you stay out.

Aventurine

He’d act like it’s no big deal—“Everyone’s got skeletons in the manuscript closet, boss”—but he’d be watching you. Casually dropping into your studio, bringing you shinier paints, louder music, whatever might pull you back toward the lighter palette. “We’re all allowed to have an emo phase,” he’d joke, but that concern in his voice isn’t fake.

The idea that the Creator once wrote like a tortured soul but now paints peace would become something sacred, mysterious, and even dangerous to some. It shows you’re not just a figure of divine inspiration—you’re real, with a soul that’s weathered the darkest storms.

Some may worship you even more for it. Others may fear the potential of you slipping back. But none of them would see you the same again.

[thebladeblaster]

I’m so excited for what’s coming fr. My thoughts on the arc that just happened.

Sorry, I haven’t talked much about the past few chapters. I have been reading them but haven’t had anything unique to say. I really like this shot.

These two are a pair I never knew was needed. They’re so funny. The Valacs are very interested in the big three grandsons🤣. Getting more characterization from them definitely wasn’t something that I expected. I can’t believe this arc actually made me like Leiji. Makes me wonder if Razberry will get an arc too. I think seeing how other demon schools are is interesting.

Also Balam is so cool. This guy made a grave mistake.

I think it’s really interesting that Nishi is finally calling attention back to the induced evil cycles. I have been thinking for awhile that there will be an evil cycle pandemic which leads to Iruma getting forced back into the human world for his safety. Considering the last arc I’m certain that the human world arc is happening. It’s kinda crazy that the ideas I had for where the story could go seem to be getting set up. I think we’ll see Razberry at least before that happens and Iruma becoming rank 6.

Okay so I’ll say it now what I’ve been thinking for awhile. I believe Baal or/and Kiriwo is intentionally waiting for Iruma’s happiness to reach its peak before sending him crashing down.

Things have changed since Kiriwo’s attempted school bombing he realized how Iruma couldn’t be affected by despair because for so long he really didn’t have anything to lose or look forward to. But Iruma has so much now compared to before. He’s made many connections with people not only at Bablys but throughout the demon world, he has a happy family, and a stable life all the things he never had before. This is shown very clearly in both the Harvest Festival and Devicium. Because he has been given happiness he has become susceptible to these feelings.

I think that in an upcoming arc Baal will induce evil cycles in a bunch of demons then out Iruma. Like remember the last arc with Clara.

She got so close to eating Iruma and is one of those who are the closest to him. If Azz wasn’t there he would’ve been. Now, imagine that but it’s almost everyone. Iruma won’t be safe even with those he considers friends. He will suddenly be isolated who knows who will get infected Azz could or he could get temporarily taken out by someone who is.

I don’t know what would bring him more despair. This or the prospect that he will have to return to the human world. Potentially going back to his old life.

If there was ever something that could break Iruma it’s this.

He’s left vulnerable physically and mentally. In such a state transforming him into Delkira using whatever method Baal has in mind would be simple.

Alternatively the three great grandsons may be able to stop the encroaching disaster together. Leiji seems suspicious of the Six Fingers that are posing as teachers. He may do something to stop what they’re planning. I have a feeling that they’re doing this at Razberry’s school too. With this coming to all of their intentions they could find a way to avoid infection and band together. I guess we’ll see🤔.

Maybe Iruma will finally confront his parents for real if he goes back and if there is some truth to be revealed it could come out. The more time passes the more the “stupid parents sold their kid to a demon” is becoming more suspicious.

Honestly I really want him to get the chance to confront them for all of the crap they put him through. Please let them have powers and be the final villains or something I want Iruma to have an excuse to kick their asses.

[penumbra-mayhem]

Do You Want to Leave? - Darlin’/Sam fic

“If there was any color left in Darlin’s face, it dissipated at the soft question. They’d fucked up. This was it. Time to go. Grab the bag and run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Ru—”

(I hc that Tank has a stutter; there's more on that here if you'd like. This takes place a couple months after Darlin’ moves into Sam’s place.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam hadn’t meant to find it. He wasn’t snooping, he’d just been cleaning. Between him and Darlin’, they didn’t own that much stuff, so stumbling across a black backpack shoved to the back of their closet peaked his curiosity.

He pulled it out, scanning over its nondescript exterior before unzipping the largest pocket. His brow furrowed. Clothes. Money. A knife.

A quiet, sharp inhale—Sam’s head shot up at the noise. Darlin’ stood frozen in the doorway, eyes fixed on the open bag in Sam’s hands.

“Darlin’,” Sam spoke, his voice low and laced with hesitation, “What’s this?”

They didn’t say anything. They couldn’t. Sam waited for a reply. When it appeared he wasn’t going to get one, he asked again,

“What is this?”

Darlin’s hands began to tingle. The doorway began to shrink around them. What could they say, besides the truth? Anything but the truth.

Sam looked back down at the bag. Clothes. Money. A knife. He didn’t want to ask. He already knew the answer.

“Is this a go-bag?”

If there was any color left in Darlin’s face, it dissipated at the soft question. They’d fucked up. This was it. Time to go. Grab the bag and run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Ru—

“—are you leavin’ me?”

Darlin’ finally resurfaced from the whirlpool of their thoughts. Sam’s countenance toed the line between despair and disbelief. He began to tremble. The distance between them was unfathomable, the bedroom stretching before their eyes.

“N-n-no,” Darlin’ replied, before weakly adding, “n-n-n-not unless y-y-y-you w-w-want me t-to.”

Sam shook his head, “What do you mean? Why would you think I’d want you to leave?”

Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. R—

“—baby,” Sam pleaded, trying to pull Darlin’ out of the spiral he could see them sinking into, “talk to me…please.”

Darlin’ knew they couldn’t avoid this. Couldn’t avoid him, with his damned loving gaze and soft downturned lips. Yet they tried all the same, shaking their head and biting the inside of their cheek to keep from talking.

Sam set the bag down on their bed and slowly moved towards Darlin’. They resisted the instinct to flinch as he raised his hand towards their face. He wasn’t Quinn. He wouldn’t hurt them. Right? Run. Run. Run. Run.

His fingers brushed softly against their cheek—a motion like he was brushing away a tear. Were they crying? They were, fuck. They felt his other hand grasp one of theirs as he spoke again, “Darlin’, please. What’s goin’ on?”

They stared at his chest, unable to meet his gaze as they finally whispered, “It’s j-j-just in c-c-case.”

“In case what, love? In case…in case I hurt you?”

Darlin’ felt sick at the question. They gripped Sam’s hand tighter as they met his teary gaze and tried to quell his fear, “N-no! N-n-no, I kn-kn-know you’d n-n-never….you’re n-n-not….”

Not Quinn.

“It’s j-j-just….in case y-you w-w-w-want me t-t-to leave. In c-c-c-case I-I f-f-fuck this up.”

Sam’s jaw set. Something flashed in his eyes before he let go of Darlin’s hand and turned around, heading towards their bed. Darlin’ watched as he grabbed something from the bag. Clothes.

“W-w-what’re y-you d-d-doing?”

Sam didn’t reply as he opened their shared dresser, placing each article of clothing inside. He walked back to the bag. Money.

He grabbed Darlin’s wallet on their bedside table, stuffing the money inside before returning to the bag.

“Sam!” Darlin’ exclaimed, taking a step into their bedroom, “Wh-what are y-you d-doing?”

Sam turned to face them, his gaze firm, his voice resolute.

“This is your house. Your home. You’re not leavin' unless you want to leave. Do you want to leave?”

Stunned by the blunt question, Darlin’ didn’t respond. The silence carved anguish into Sam’s face, causing panic to rise again within Darlin’. Run. Run. Run.

After a moment, they whispered, “N-n-no.”

The answer covered the floor between them like a varnish and slowly dried as they stared at each other. Sam reached back into the bag, murmuring, “C’mere.”

Darlin’ hesitated, then closed the distance. Sam held out his hand. The knife.

“Go on,” he urged quietly.

Darlin’ took the knife from Sam’s shaking hand. They placed it in the drawer of their bedside table before glancing at him and whispering, “I’m s-sorry.”

Sam shook his head slightly. His fingers trailed up Darlin’s arms and caressed their cheeks.

“Oh sweet thing…” He placed a gentle kiss on their forehead. “It’s ok…” A kiss on their nose. “I understand….” A kiss on their lips.

“You want to leave?”

“N-no. N-n-never.”

[onceonafullmoon]

French Fries

Itoshi Sae x GN!Reader

Comfort Angst, Reader has depression, bed rotting behaviors, desciptions of food if you're sensitive to that thing, one slightly suggestive comment but it's just banter, Reader and Sae aren't dating atp but they have chemistry

“Jeez, you’re like a human garbage disposal.” Sae remarks. “Do you talk to all your loved ones like that?” “Me talking to you in general is a miracle.”

It’s getting worse again.

You could feel it building up in these past months, that looming sense that something was going to happen, but you elected to ignore it wholly, placing belief that your meds surely wouldn’t fail you this time, right?

Wrong.

Well, you supposed you only had yourself to blame, (although blame was something you were realizing that you were all to familiar with, and if you were a bit more lucid you’d contemplate how your willingness to find fault in yourself so easily was only more of a detriment) for relying on newly prescribed medication solely instead of reaching out for a therapist like you were meaning to do.

But either way, whomever was to blame, either you or your psychiatrist, it didn’t change the fact that your apartment is a cluttered mess and you haven’t gotten out of bed for a considerable amount of time, doing nothing but staring listlessly at the wall.

It’s hard to describe exactly what getting worse feels like, but if you had to take your own stab at it you'd describe it as something like an endothermic reaction.

Something that saps away all your heat, your drive, your determination, and leaves you feeling… cold, like a sudden frost of winter almost.

Of course, cold isn’t really the way to describe it either, the most common words you’ve seen thrown around being “empty, nothingness, hollow” and those fit rather well too, but you preferred to think of it in terms of a chemical reaction.

It was fitting in a sense, because much like a chemical reaction, you weren’t ever the same as you were from the beginning, almost always just a little worse for wear after each period of despair. 

It’s around this time when you’re debating metaphors for your mental illness when you feel your phone vibrate on your bed.

Huh. That’s a first.

Well, you’re curious enough to take a peak, though it’s most likely just some dumb notification from a social media app you’ve neglected to look at even during your period of lengthy doom scrolling (fuck you Snapchat, you’re not an interesting app), but after you look at the time displayed on the screen (1:00 am, nice)  you find yourself pleasantly surprised when you realize it’s a text message.

Pookie: are you ok

Normally the stupid contact name you put him under would be enough to make you crack a smile whenever he texted, but you can’t really bring yourself to do much else but stare at your phone blankly.

Sae was never one to text first, in fact, a quick scroll through your messages would show it was usually you who would pester him with asinine questions about hypothetical scenarios, TikToks or general ramblings about your day, with him giving out one word responses (dry texter) or often ignoring you (which was fair you supposed). 

So, it was strange to see his text expressing concern for you, especially at this time of night.

Of course, Sae knew about your issues, you were never one to shy away from the truth and easily answered him about your meds when he asked about them that time he came over, but you don’t think he had any reason to suspect you of having an episode.

You think for a bit, running through your mind of any possible reasons you could have given him to worry and find that you can’t really place anything other than the fact that you’d been withdrawing a bit from texting and hanging out with him a bit more, which, to his knowledge could be for any sort of reason.

You furrow your brow a bit before turning your attention back to your phone and typing out a quick response of  “tbh, not really, but that’s life lol” before dropping your phone back on your bed and going back to stare at the wall.

He doesn’t respond, but you’re not really too surprised (though if you had the capacity for it you’d be slightly miffed), and you find yourself dozing off into a light sleep.

You probably would have actually fallen asleep if it weren’t for the sound of pounding at your front door, and you feel yourself sigh in annoyance before groggily getting up out of bed.

Damn it all, you couldn’t even sleep to escape the void.

Still you get over yourself and make your way to the door, looking through the peephole tiredly before freezing in place.

You’re not sure if you’re more surprised that Sae is at your front door or if you’re more surprised to see him with a greasy paper bag of fast food in his hands.

Blinking out of your stupor, you regain your senses and unlock the door for him, distantly remarking about how strange it must seem for a celebrity to be at your door with a bag of Mcdonalds in your mind.

You open the door to tell him how ridiculous this scenario seems, only to let out a small noise of surprise as he shoves the bag in your hands.

“You look like shit.” He says, and you can’t help but roll your eyes at his blunt assessment.

“I feel like shit.” You respond, before looking down into the bag, taking in its contents.

“You got fries?” You can’t help the smile that pulls on your lips. “But you hate fries.”

He just looks at you with that same unreadable look he always has, the one that only you seem to be able to understand. “But you don’t.”

“I don’t.” You say, a feeling of happiness blooming within you despite everything, and step aside for him to enter your messy apartment.

You should feel a sense of embarrassment at the idea of letting him see you at your worst, with your undone laundry and your unwashed dishes and your messy countertops, but you’ve never once felt the need to pretend with Sae.

“Make yourself at home wherever you can.” You say, motioning to the couch overcrowded with laundry. “I wasn’t expecting guests, you know.”

“Clearly.” He says, but his voice holds no judgment.

“You're at fault for dropping in uninvited.” You say in a relatively cheerful voice, betraying your happiness despite his seemingly uncouth behavior. 

He doesn’t respond snatches the bag from your hands, dumping its contents onto the small coffee table that currently is the only clear space available in the mess that is your apartment before gently pushing away the laundry that lies on the couch to make room for himself.

“...are you going to scold me or eat?” He eventually asks after settling in.

“There’s no reason I can’t do both.” You say in a joking tone.

You push aside your pile of laundry and sit down next to him, your stomach rumbling when the scent of fried food hits your nose. It wasn’t too surprising, after all, you had forgotten to eat in your rotting phase. 

“Have I ever told you that I love you?” You say, reaching for a wrapped sandwich.

“Only when I do things for you.” Comes his dry response, and you give him a sheepish smile before taking a bite of the sandwich, momentarily praising the salty and savory taste.

It’s like you forgot how hungry you were until you had a bite of food, and with an alarming speed the sandwich quickly disappears into nothing.

“Jeez, you’re like a human garbage disposal.” Sae remarks.

“Do you talk to all your loved ones like that?”

“Me talking to you in general is a miracle.”

You scoff and put your hand over your heart in an overexaggerated manner, feigning an imaginary wound from his callous and barbed words that were clearly much too painful to bear.

“You’re cruel.” You say, before reaching for the carton of fries and holding it up to him. “Care for a fry?”

It’s mostly said in jest, after all, you’ve been on the receiving end of a lecture of how disgustingly fatty and unhealthy those “diabetes on sticks” are, but he surprises you by taking one without a word and popping it into his mouth.

You blink, staring at him as if he’s grown a second head.

“Are you okay?” You ask, echoing his text from before.

He rolls his eyes. “Contrary to popular belief, I don’t hate how fries taste, they’re just awful for your diet.”

“So why are you breaking your sacred oath?” You ask, shoving a few fries in your mouth after you speak.

“Peer pressure.”

You furrow your brows at him, but don’t immediately respond, instead swallowing and shoving another handful of fries into your mouth (you’ve long held the belief that those like Sae who eat one fry at a time are actually sociopaths).

“I think you just like using me as a scapegoat for your bad decisions.” You say after another swallow.

“I think you should slow down so you don’t choke.”

“I can think of a few things I could choke on.” You respond reflexively to which you’re met with a blank stare.

“…sorry, it’s instinct at this point.” You say after a bit, to which he just sighs.

“You’re a moron.” He says, and you would have considered it rude in any other scenario where you didn’t know him as the guy who dropped everything to help you on a whim.

“Yeah, but I make up for it in other ways, such as my amazing personality.” You retort, stuffing another handful of fries in your mouth.

“It’s a shame that your “amazing personality” doesn’t account for basic table manners.”

You glower at him, chewing before swallowing.

“It’s a shame that your face is so pretty but your attitude is so shit.”

You can see a hint of a smile on his face at your snappish comeback, his teal eyes glinting with slight amusement and you blink, feeling slightly startled as your heart stutters in your chest.

Weird. 

You’ll unpack that later, perhaps on a day where you don’t feel like complete ass.

“Anyway, what gave you the idea to invite yourself over? Not that I mind, obviously.” You ask, partly out of curiosity and partly to distract yourself.

Sae shifts a bit in his seat, and you catch yourself admiring the sight of his forearms for a second before you snap yourself out of it.

“...you haven’t been reaching out as much, and I missed the background noise.”

You look at him, really look at him for a second, and fight the urge to either laugh at him or throw a pillow at him.

It was so stupidly cute, how he’d do anything but actually verbally admit that some part of him cared.

“You are such a loser.” You end up saying instead, with a stupidly fond smile on your face that you’d definitely be more embarrassed by if you weren’t already above shame.

“And you’re a mess.” Sae counters easily, sticking another fry into his mouth, and it somehow still takes you by surprise.

“Yeah, I’ll take that.” You say with a surprising amount of grace for someone dressed in pajamas and adorned with the world's worst bed head. “But only for today.”

He says nothing at that and proceeds to follow your lead and stuff the rest of the fries into his mouth, and at this point you wonder if you’ve managed to transfer your mental illness to him somehow through the air.

“You can’t blame that on peer pressure.” You say defensively, crossing your hands over your chest as he swallows his food.

“I’m not blaming it on peer pressure.” 

“Then what’s your excuse this time?”

“I’ll say it’s learned observation.”

“Don’t use my psychology knowledge that I’ve rambled to you about against me, it makes me want to kiss you.” You joke.

You expect him to roll his eyes at you and insult you, but what you don’t expect is for him to raise a brow at you, a half smirk on his face and respond with a smooth and low toned, “Yeah?”

“...yeah.” You say after a bit, trying not to look like you just got hit with a bus before coughing and looking away.

“Anyway, thanks for stopping by… it meant a lot. I’ll probably clean up around here now if you need to go.” You speak up after a moment of silence.

“You’re an idiot.” He responds, and you blink at him, ready to ask what he’s talking about before he speaks up again. “What you’re going to do is go to your bathroom and clean up while I deal with the mess here.”

You pause for a moment, a rush of emotions surging up in you, a dash of self-loathing, a bit of embarrassment, a touch of happiness but mostly a rush of gratitude and adoration when you look back at him.

“...right.” You say, and a small smile pulls at your lips. “Have I ever told you that I love you?”

“Like I said before, only when I do things for you” Comes his blunt response and you laugh as you turn to go to the bathroom.

Yeah, you’re not sure how exactly you lucked out with Sae, but wherever or whatever he might be in the future, he’d always be a special person to you.