#At this rate by the time school starts up again in August I might just fucking drop out and disappear off the face of the earth

[brucewaynehater101]

I do have a few more examples! Tim offers Mister Freeze unlimited funding to help his wife on the condition that he sometimes helps with other projects. He hires Harvey Dent to be his personal lawyer (not that he needs one). Blood Sport, Death Stroke, Dead Shot, and many other mercenaries are hired to "break into" Drake Industries to hunt down and "kill" Tim or "steal" important information in order to test his companies defenses and tell him exactly how they got in so that he can patch any holes. He hires one to break in every 2 to 3 months but never the same person in a year. Like if he uses Deathstroke in August he can't use him again until January.

Tim also doesn't want to force these rouges to move far away from their homes so he opens up branches in Metropolis, Central City, Star City, and others too. Anywhere he opens an office for Drake Industries, crime rate always plummets thanks to him hiring all the Henchmen and giving them stable jobs that pay at minimum double the minimum wage of the area plus really good health insurance and other benefits. They even have dental and 4 months paid maternity *and* paternity leave! The desk work may not be as exciting as their previous jobs but boy is it safer.

Also I would like to make one note. DI is one of the few major cooperations in America that openly does *not* donate to the Jusitce Leauge. Tim is still salty about Bruce Quest and during an interview where someone asked how much he donates to them, Tim said, "oh I don't. At all. It's not that I don't believe in them, I do, uts just. There's already so many places funding them they don't need me. But you know who does? The younger generation of heroes. Did you know that The Teen Titans only get funding through the Justice Leauge? I don't think that's very fair so I donate to them. I donate to Young Justice. I track down and do research on dozens of younger heroes who aren't part of any organization and check to make sure they're doing good in their community and then I directly donate to them. Superheroing is expensive, just look how much the JL spends on it! Could you imagine? Being fresh out of high-school, working a minimum wage job, and having to make your own suit and gadgets while also paying for *college*? The stories I have heard from some of them! This one poor kid, he told me that he had to use this roll of regular fabric he found in a dumpster because buying a roll was to expensive! Of course I sent him to a super hero tailor on my own dime, after all he just wanted to help his community saving kittens from trees and stopping local mugging. But still, small heroes like him are important. After all, didn't Superman start by saving cats from trees? Didn't Green Arrow start by stopping a mugging? Didn't Batman himself start by stopping a purse snatching? You never know who the next big hero will be in 5 or ten years."

I might have gotten a bit to into that rant. Listen. Listen this is a subject close to my heart. Small Time Heroes Are Important!

My gods, I love this so so much. You combined two tropes I love: Tim using Business to fund social programs/decrease crime/hire ex felons and criminals, and Tim turning his back on the JL after the BruceQuest.

Added with Tim funding small time heroes???? This is phenomenal

[idolatrybarbie]

pairing: marcus pike x fem!reader

word count & rating: 5.4k | explicit - 18+ minor free zone!

summary: it's not stalking if it's a casual curiosity. you would never do anything...you're just nosey. lonely, too, maybe. but that isn't your fault. yes—this is fine. only stalking if he notices. so what exactly happens when he does?

warnings: social isolation, touch starvation, marcus pike is a virgin (there is no virgin-shaming here - do not fear), alcohol, themes of alienation, allusions to failed relationships, everyone in this story is very normal, smut - kissing, loss of virginity, vaginal fingering, handjob, protected penetrative vaginal sex(!!!), premature ejaculation, body worship (with mouth), exhibitionism, implied male masturbation, vaginal fingering, very enthusiastic oral sex (f receiving), cum eating, cuddling.

notes: i was depressed and am sick (again) but yesterday was a really good day, so you get a fic. @wannab-urs wanted to see virgin marcus - here he is. this slowly and subtly became a little more kinky than i intended it to lol? my own cat makes an appearance and yes he is really that old. this is also my 400th post to this blog. woohoo, enjoy! :)

He’s your neighbour. Kind of cute. Okay, lie—very cute. You don’t have much on him otherwise. He moved in about three months ago, right at summer’s end. At first, you thought he was a student. You see him around the house and the neighbourhood during weekdays, so that rules out a college schedule.

He likes to read books in the park. Thick novels with colourful covers and lengthy titles. You would think that he’s showing off, peacocking with the way that he’s got a new book in his hands every week. But no, the reading isn’t for show. He moulds them to his liking, dogears the pages and folds over paperbacks; things someone doesn’t do when they’ve got a book in their hands as a lure, a line.

Surprisingly, he seems to be single. You aren’t exactly sure why. There’s no short supply of wealthy single moms in the area, and the man himself is truly gorgeous. Maybe he’s recently divorced, or gay. Maybe it’s his mom’s old house and she’s passed, and he’s only here to settle things up before skipping town again.

You find yourself watching his windows at night, never able to catch a glimpse of him. The house glows orange with the lights still on inside—a welcoming lighthouse in the cold and murky sea of suburbia. When you start thinking like that, watching his house for more than too long, you send yourself to bed. The very last thing you want to be is the obsessed stalker across the street.

A part of you can’t help it. Your other neighbours, despite barely knowing them, don’t seem to like you very much. You have a feeling a certain washing-your-car-in-a-bikini-top incident at the end of this year’s boiling hot August might have something to do with it. With no friends to speak of in this cookie cutter county, you find yourself lonely. When you don’t think about it too hard, that’s justification enough.

This morning, you wake up before the sun. Sparing your eyes the bright glare of house lights, you use a near-dead flashlight to see down the hall. The cat in your care this week lives on a strict schedule. At fourteen human years—eighty in feline—Bender has grown accustomed to routine: breakfast at six-thirty, talk television at eight. Later mornings to early afternoons are a little less structured, leaving him to wander the house or settle in for a nap. Then he eats again at four, followed up by water and a monitored trip to the litter box. After that, he usually sits on the cushioned back of your couch to watch movies with you.

His owner is away in Florida with her grand kids. She’s been leaving him with you for the past six months whenever she needs time away from Virginia to let loose and explore. Bender isn’t really my cat, she’d told you the first time, but her daughter is in New York for school and couldn’t take him this year. You secretly hope that she never does. He’s excellent company.

Professional pet-sitting hadn’t ever been a career that you’d really considered. You’re still not sure if this is a forever thing or a temporary gig to pay the bills. Really, you’d like to put your degree to use in some capacity. But after being laid off so abruptly…well, you aren’t itching to get back out into the workforce quite yet. Especially not when sweet older women pay you a hundred dollars a day to revel in the company of cuddly creatures.

They aren’t all easy like the old man. Charlie, the St. Bernard you sat last month, is clingier than any ex you’ve ever had. The Fogelmans’ Dalmatian is nice to have for a day or two, but thirty minute runs twice each morning go from exhausting to borderline impossible by day three. Animals are exhausting. When you aren’t sitting, you’re sleeping.

Peeling back the tin lid on a can of wet food, you can already hear the light tap of Bender’s small paws on the floor. He joins you in the kitchen, waiting as he watches you spoon half of the can’s contents onto a dessert plate. You soften it, making it easier to chew before you slide the food over to him. He always takes a comically big first bite.

“If only they could all be like you, huh?”

Bender doesn’t answer, of course. He’s a cat.

Good Morning America rambles away on your flat-screen. You’re waiting for Bender’s owner, his travel carrier already baited with treats. The unopened food cans and his toys are packed away in a grocery bag by the door. When Anne-Marie sends you a text that she’s in the neighbourhood, you gently lead the cat into the carrier. The grated door clinks shut behind him.

Poking a finger through the slats, Bender meets you with his paw.

“Come visit me soon, alright?” you ask. “Maybe your mom can take a long trip to Canada or something.”

Anne-Marie doesn’t have to knock for you to know she’s there, her short shadow visible through the frosted glass beside the door. You stand and turn to open it, greeting her with a smile. She asks after you and tells you about her flight in.

“I hope he’s been a good boy,” she says.

“An angel, as usual,” you reply.

“He’s a little bit of a grump sometimes.”

“Perfectly fine with me. Bender’s always welcome back here.”

Anne-Marie takes the bag of food and toys first, tossing it into the front passenger seat before returning for the carrier. Handing it over, you watch as she walks down the steps and  loads him into the backseat of her SUV. She buckles Bender’s glorified plastic box securely in the back, getting in herself. Anne-Marie waves at you from behind the wheel. You wave back.

Watching the vehicle pull away with your furry friend in tow, you see your neighbour’s house for the first time today. The weather is cooling off as winter grows closer. You don’t see him out much anymore, except when he gets home from who-knows-where. Even then, it’s only a glimpse of his short walk to the front door. Today, he’s sitting on his porch. With a fleece sweater zipped to his chin and a vest hugging his torso, you watch as pulls on a pair of muddy boots.

Cold air breezes past you, the draft pulling you back to reality. Just as you’re about to close the door, he peers up. And looks…directly at you. Then your neighbour smiles in acknowledgment.

Making eye contact for a second too long, you shut the door quickly. Leaning against the surface, you replay the last thirty seconds in your head. The car pulled away, he was sat there…he pulled on his boots and saw—

Three sharp knocks land on the other side of your door. You’re too much of an optimist, hoping it’s Anne-Marie again. Glancing at the glass from here, you find the realistic answer. It’s him, up close and personal this time—for the first time. Suddenly, you’ve forgotten how to breathe.

He knocks once again, clearly waiting. There’s nowhere else for you to go. The man is standing at the only reasonable exit point. Caving, you take a breath and open the door. 

The first thing you notice is his smell. Earthy-sweetness lingers with him as the familiar stranger smiles at you. Again.

“Hi,” he says.

“Hello,” you return. “…Can I help you?”

“I figured that I’ve lived across the street for a while but never introduced myself,” the man says. He holds out a hand and you take it, his broad palm warming yours. “I’m Marcus.”

You tell him your name, still shaking his hand. When you let go, the smile falters.

“So Marcus, what can I do for you?”

“Well, I was wondering if I could borrow a cup of sugar,” he says.

You glance around the doorway, unsure how to respond. “Um—” 

“I’m joking.”

“Oh,” you nod. Shifting your weight from right to left, the tiniest of squeaker toys lands under your foot.

“You've got a dog, right?”

“Sort of,” you say. “I pet-sit sometimes. They aren’t really mine.”

“I was going to ask if you wanted to bring ‘em out for a walk, but I guess—”

“I could still go for a walk,” you say, the words rushing out.

The smile returns to Marcus’ face, strong as ever as he nods. “Sure. Great.”

“Just give me one second.”

You backtrack into the front hall, pulling open your coat closet for a jacket and your shoes. It only takes a minute before you’re joining Marcus on your porch. He leads you down the steps, taking a right onto the sidewalk. This is the direction he drives in from.

“So, pet-sitting,” he says. “Passion or hobby?”

“Well, I get paid for it. Not really a hobby.”

“Monetized hobby,” Marcus corrects himself. “Or is this what you do professionally?”

“In that case, hobby. I lost my job a couple of months ago. Still sort of figuring it out,” you say. Marcus nods. Then you ask, “What about you?”

“Why don’t you guess?”

You hum, thinking back on what you know about him. The car he drives is new, a dark SUV with tinted windows. Whatever he does must pay pretty well. He lives alone, fairly solitary; no kids, no spouse. You’ve seen him bring in a maximum of three grocery bags at once, and yet he hasn’t starved, so he probably doesn’t cook a lot. Sometimes it’s like he’s never home, and others he’s ever-present. That’s a pretty erratic schedule for a business professional.

Giving up on a real answer, you say, “Male stripper.”

He laughs and rolls his eyes. “I wish.” You and him both.

“A cop?” you ask.

“Warmer,” Marcus says. “FBI agent.”

“You’re joking, right? Are you even allowed to tell normal people those things?”

“I mean, sure. You’re not a terrorist, are you?” he asks.

“No,” you say.

“Then we’re fine,” Marcus says. He formally introduces himself. SSA Marcus Pike.

“So, Marcus the FBI agent. What draws you to Fairfax County?”

“The commute. And the house is nice, too.”

“You don’t strike me as a white picket fence kind of guy.” Looking out at the neighbourhood, that’s all there is.

“You don’t seem the type either,” he says. Touché. “When I first started planning the move, it wasn’t supposed to be just me. But uh…some things changed, and I’d already bought the house. Can’t let it go to waste.”

There’s something raw there. It softens his voice a little, taking away that clutch of confidence that seemingly brought him to your door.

You say, “I guess it’s better here than another shit-box apartment.”

“Right? That was my whole life back in Texas,” Marcus says.

“Texas?”

“Not born nor bred,” he says. “I worked in the Art Theft department at the bureau there.”

“Working on crafts for the kiddos?” you ask.

“More like nabbing art thieves, stopping criminal smugglers. Stuff like that.”

You hate to admit that this man probably has more courage in his pinky finger than you possess in your entire being, but at least now you can justify the curiosity.

“So you’re good at catching the bad guys, then,” you say.

“More so good at noticing things,” Marcus explains.

The air changes slightly, goosebumps rising along your skin. You ignore any potential implication. “Like what? Human behaviour?”

“Sure,” Marcus says. “Small stuff. Like if someone’s lying…or if I’m being watched.”

When Marcus doesn’t say anything else, you pause. A finely manicured lawn as your backdrop, you stare at him, disbelieving. You can’t imagine what you look like—the pictured definition of mortification.

“Look, I’m really sorry if I creeped you out. I just—I don’t get out a lot without a job and all, and I don’t really have any friends here. You seemed interesting, but none of that’s an excuse and I should’ve come over and said h—”

He says your name, stopping your rambling. “It’s fine,” Marcus says. “A little odd but…flattering?”

With your heart racing in your chest, you scrub a hand over your face. “Oh my god,” you sigh. “I really am sorry, Marcus. My life isn’t very…normal anymore. It makes you do some weird things.” 

You can’t remember the last time you were outside before today. Direct grocery delivery took away any need to get out to the store, and with it your last real connection to the outside world. Except the pets. They keep you from losing it entirely.

“We’ve all got our fair share,” Marcus says. Why is he being so cool about this? He should be calling the police, or in this case, himself.

So you ask, “Why are you trying to make me feel better?”

“Well, if I don’t then you might not want to come over for dinner later."

At seven o’clock, you make your way across the street to Marcus’ front door. You hesitate in knocking, checking the time on your phone again. He says it’s fine, but maybe this is a mistake. You’re not over the embarrassment from earlier. You really don’t know how to carry out social interactions anymore. Maybe it’s for the best if you turn around and quietly slip back into your house…

Before you get the chance, the door before you opens up. Marcus has changed. He’s wearing less layers this time, only a simple white Henley shirt and a dark pair of jeans. Cartoon sharks bite the ankles of his socked feet, and you find yourself smiling when you finally look at his face. God, this man is fucking gorgeous. It almost makes you mad.

“Hi,” you say.

“Hey, come on in.”

He stretches his arm to open the door wider, stepping aside to make room. You take your boots off at the door and note the details of his home. The walls are cherry red, different to the sage green of your place across the street. The wall space in the kitchen is filled with paintings where yours stay bare, all of them neatly hung—Frida Kahlo and Elmina Moisan are the artists you recognize. 

Marcus tells you that his mother is Chilean, that he was born over here once his American father could get her stateside. They moved down to Mexico when he finished high school. He’s visited every summer since, and each time he brings back a painting. There are only four here.

"You're missing a few," you say.

"The rest are upstairs," Marcus says.

Maybe you'll see them later.

Tonight, he's making fried rice and soy sauce chicken.

"Or See Yao Gai, if you want to get fancy with it," he says, concentrating on the pan.

Watching Marcus work over the stove is mesmerizing. He knows what to do and exactly when to do it, never letting anything burn or sit too long. You feel more like you're watching a professional chef than a guy that cooks "on occasion.” Even the way he washes rice has technique.

Jesus Christ, get it together.

Before plating the food, Marcus offers you a drink. He pours himself a small glass of something red.

"I'll have what you're having," you nod.

He sits across from you at the table. You imagine yourselves as your respective houses, the cloth runner that sits in the middle of the table acting as the paved street. They say people look like their pets, but homes take on characteristics of the people who live in them. Everything here is warm, like his hand. Vibrant and pleasant. The place smells like him too, all sweet and saffron.

The first bite of dinner explodes with flavour in your mouth.

"This is fucking delicious," you mumble, still chewing.

"Thank you."

"Of course." After a sip of wine, you say, "I mostly sustain myself off of hot pockets and spinach wraps. This is like, gourmet."

"You don't cook at all?" Marcus asks.

"Eh," you shrug. "I used to. A lot, actually. But it's not the same when—"

When what? When there's no love in it? Something like that. There's no one to feed, no one to come home to. So who fucking cares?

"When you're only cooking for yourself."

"I understand." They should sound like empty words, but something in Marcus' eyes tells you he really does.

"It's just…hard, I guess." Oh no, where are you taking this? "To keep caring? I’m sort of—"

"Going through the motions?" he asks.

"Yeah. Exactly," you say.

Marcus scoops another forkful of rice off his plate, chewing before he swallows. He says, "Well you know, I'm right across the street. Maybe twenty feet away? So if you need to, you can always go through the motions over here."

You don’t know exactly what he means, but it sounds nice. Someone to talk to. "One day I might just take you up on that."

When you're both finished, you help Marcus with the dishes and re-organising the table. You're showing yourself to the door with him in tow. You open it and cross over the threshold, the cold hitting you all at once. The sky is much darker than it was only an hour ago. A streetlamp behind you highlights Marcus’ face just so.

"Thanks for dinner. For all of it," you say. "It's been a long time."

"You're always welcome," Marcus says. And then he kisses you. Your hand moves over his shoulders, wrenching him forward to pull his body closer. You both stumble back into his house, the door closing behind you.

His hands remain respectfully north of the equator until you grab them, pulling them down to your hips. You break away from the kiss to say, "I don't usually…um. But do you want to—"

"Yes," he whispers. That's all the confirmation you need.

The combined stumble up to his bedroom has you bumping into walls, almost tripping on the landing. Marcus’ hands are hurried across your body. He can’t seem to make up his mind, palming your ass before he slides his hands over your ribs, squeezing your breast. Right outside his bedroom, he stops you.

“I’ve never done this before,” he says.

“Sex on the first date?”

“Sex…period.” You watch the way he cringes at himself, instinctively holding him closer.

Carefully, you say, “We don’t have to.”

“I want to. I just—it’s good to know what you’re getting yourself into.”

“It’s fine,” you say, giving him a kiss. “And we can take it slow.”

Marcus nods.

Inside the room, he lets you take the lead. You begin with your clothes, shedding your top, socks, and pants. Marcus mirrors you, leaving him shirtless in blue underwear. He’s already on his way to being fully hard, a bulge visible beneath the fabric.

Standing in front of his bed, you wave him over with a light come here. He’s drawn to you, a snake to its charmer, strong arms encircling you in his hold. You revel in the warmth of him. Marcus’ closeness has you leaning into his body, skin-to-skin. It has been so long since you’ve had this. You can’t remember the last time you’ve even had a hand to hold, an arm to brush by accident—so you take it. You revel in it, only god knowing the next time the opportunity will present itself.

“Are you okay?” Marcus asks, breath warm against your ear.

“Yeah, uh… I’m sorry,” you say. “It’s been a long time since I’ve touched somebody.”

The admission makes your stomach twist, Marcus’ face relaxing into a softer shape. Instead of the usual look of pity, he keeps his expression open. When he kisses you again, it’s long and slow; languid passes of his tongue against yours as the pair of you fall to the middle of the duvet. Marcus settles against you, assuring that his weight doesn’t crush yours before he peppers pecks across your mouth and forehead.

You can feel him hard against your thigh, steadily rocking himself into your skin with every smooch. He asks, “Can I touch you?” and you breathe a yes.

His right hand moves from its place on your torso to glide down the side of your body, cupping your ass before Marcus slides two fingers into the band of your panties. He smooths the pads of his fingers over the skin below your stomach, dipping below your pelvis to feel you.

Marcus brushes against your clit. You tilt your hips higher, chasing after the sensation.

“Here?” he asks.

“Little to the left?” you whisper. Adjusting accordingly, your breath catches when he finds it. “Yeah, there.”

Marcus rubs at it with his fingers, drawing tight circles around your clit as you wedge your face in between his shoulder and jaw.

“Can I kiss your neck?”

“Sure.”

Slowly, mindlessly, you peck at Marcus’ skin to ground yourself. Closer to his ear, he smells powdery, like vanilla. You’d like to know if it’s cologne or all him. You gasp when his fingers move to collect some of your wetness, returning to your clit and doubling down on the light pressure. Tongue darting past your lips, you lick him. He groans.

“Does that feel good?”

Gathering your thoughts takes a moment. “Yes, Marcus—don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”

He watches you now, eyes closed as you’re worked closer to the edge. With Marcus’ free hand, he slides the strap of your bra off your shoulder, pulling the fabric away from your breast.

“Use your mouth,” you instruct him.

Marcus doesn’t need to be told twice, ducking low to take your nipple into his mouth. His lips and fingers working in tandem as your body narrows in on the edge of pleasure. You keep a hand at the back of his head as he licks and sucks your nipple. When he takes the sensitive bud between his teeth, you cry out and tug at Marcus’ hair. You push his mouth closer, closer—you wish he would eat you.

It doesn’t take very long for you to cum. A few more tugs of his teeth at your nipple and a harsher pass over your clit has you seizing against him, lips parted as a harsh noise leaves your mouth. Marcus slows his fingers to an eventual stop. When you look at him again, he’s eyeing the stickiness left between them.

You hold his wrist, pulling it to your mouth and slipping his fingers onto your tongue. Marcus watches you clean them intently, like he’s committing the sight to memory. When your done, he holds your face and kisses your nose. You laugh.

“What else do you want to do?” he asks.

You slide a hand down his stomach, lightly prodding his belly button just to see him flinch. The smile he gives you makes you ache.

Hand hovering close to his clothed cock, you say, “I wanna touch you.”

He nods. “Please.” The single word comes out high and whiny, stoking that fire in your belly once again.

Slipping a hand into his briefs, you feel the wetness at the head of his cock as it smears against the elastic. You start there, taking the sticky tip into your palm to gather some of Marcus’ precum. When you work your hand over the rest of him, the glide is easier, his skin like slick velvet underneath you. It’s your turn to watch as his eyes flutter closed, mouth twisted into a pout as Marcus breathes hard through his nose.

“You can make noise, baby. Let me hear you,” you say.

Marcus gives you a quick nod, eyes opening again when you squeeze him at the base of his shaft. He moans, long and low, lips parted beautifully. You speed up, watching the effects of the faster pace as he curls further into your body. The slope of his nose drags against the skin of your shoulder as he breathes you in.

“Fuck,” Marcus whispers. His curses are said softly into your skin. Suddenly, his upper half draws away from you. “Fuck, wait, wait—”

You don’t realize he’s cumming until the first stripe of spend lands across your hip. Marcus groans, a reluctant purr from the back of his throat that mixes in with another low, “Fuuuuck.” Your hand frozen around him, you wait until he’s done to move.

Immediately, Marcus withdraws from you entirely. His eyes are glued to the cum on your skin, face twisted with something unreadable.

“Hey,” you say, touching your clean hand to his. He looks up at you. “It’s fine. You’re fine.”

“I’m really sorry,” Marcus mutters.

“Why?” you ask. With the shake of your head, you join him closer to the end of the bed. You slide your fingers through the mess of his spend, bringing them to your lips. Again, he watches as you clean it up. “Totally natural. Normal. You felt good, right?”

“Yeah, but—”

“That’s all that matters. I felt good too.”

“Do you still want to…” he trails off.

“If you want to do more, I have no objections,” you say. “And if not.” With a shrug, you quirk your lips up. There’s no pressure here. You’re grateful to have him at all tonight.

“I have an idea,” Marcus says. He shakes off the funk, shoulders rolling back again easily.

“I’d love to hear it.”

Noses close enough to touch, your hands never leave his skin as Marcus confides in you his thoughts. When you say yes, he positions himself below you. Starting at your ankles, he nuzzles his face against your skin, slowly moving upwards as he presses kisses to your calves. Eye-level with your left knee, he readjusts your leg. He lightly slides his tongue over the slot of skin behind the joint, pulling giggles from you as you squirm at the feeling.

From here, Marcus makes sure to take his time. He alternates between soft, wet kisses and flat licks up your thighs. He noses along the sensitive skin, rocking into the mattress every once in a while.

“This is probably bad timing…” he trails off. You wait for Marcus to continue, but he’s too preoccupied licking at the skin of your mid-thigh. Running your hand through his hair, you try to capture his focus again.

“Marcus?”

He looks up at you, those beautiful brown eyes melting your heart and sending it dripping down to your cunt. “I’ve known the whole time. That you were watching me.” Then Marcus returns between your legs, nose at the crux of skin between your thigh and where you need him most.

You can barely map out your words. The anticipation is killing you. “You—you did?”

“Mhm,” he hums. He’s so close now.

“You never said anything.” The bridge of his nose presses directly against you, your hips stuttering against his face. “I would’ve…god, I couldn’t stop,” you confess.

“I kind of liked it,” he whispers to your pussy—a secret between them.

You groan when his nose brushes your clit again, breaking into a light pant when Marcus licks a fat stripe across the lips of your cunt. His words short-circuit your brain. You squeeze your eyes shut, imagining Marcus in this very room, touching himself as you unknowingly watch him in the dark. All those nights with the lights left on. Is that what he was doing?

Marcus slides his tongue directly over your pussy, prodding with care. Forcing yourself to look, your gaze falls from the ceiling to his lowered form. He’s already watching you, drinking in every bite of your lip and crease in your forehead. With your attention on him again, Marcus doubles down on his efforts, making out with your cunt as you whine.

“Please, please, please. Marcus—inside, can you use your fingers?”

“Anything,” he says, slipping two inside of you carefully. “Anything you want.”

They move in tandem with his tongue. Finally having something to grip and clench around has the heat of your second orgasm growing to a full forest fire. Picturing yourself now, you wonder if any of your other neighbours have taken an interest in the new guy in town. If they’re watching now, catching a glimpse of you through his window. The thought has you moaning again, picturing inches of soft, revealed skin and Marcus’ hands on you through the eyes of a stranger.

Marcus fucking you in the dark SUV that occupies the driveway, taking you against the translucent accent window of your front hall. Privacy with that hint of exposure. The delicious subtlety of risk.

Maybe you kind of like it too.

Marcus sucks on your clit and the sensation consumes you, flames licking up your spine. You cum with a shudder and a curse. He slows his hand down, removing his index and middle from you to share another kiss.

“I’d like you inside me,” you whisper.

Teeth gnaw at your insides. You crave the closeness, his warmth. Leaning to the side of the mattress, Marcus pulls open his bedside drawer. He fishes a condom from its depths.

“You’re prepared,” you say with a smile.

Marcus shrugs as he carefully tears the wrapper. “I was a boy scout.”

You sit up to help him put it on, spitting in your palm before you wrap it around his length. “Of course you were.”

He watches your movements, rolling the plastic on at the head before you remove your hand. Marcus slides the condom down the rest of him, keeping the end pinched.

“I was expecting brownie points for that presentation,” he says.

You lean up to meet him on your knees, teasing him with the promise of another kiss. You just miss his lips with your own, planting a peck at the corner of his mouth.

“You don’t get a prize for watching your hot English teacher roll one onto a banana.”

Leveraging his shoulders, you have him seated and straddled in one swift move. Marcus sucks in a gasp as you hover your cunt over him, slicking his cock with your body. He holds himself, lining up to let you sink down easily. The stretch is slight, feeling a pinch as he splits you open. Grasping your shoulders, Marcus moans into the plate of your chest.

Grinding on him slowly, you pet his hair and hold the heat of his face to your skin. “There you go,” you sigh. “How’re you feeling?”

You squeeze around him right as Marcus opens his mouth to answer, words replaced by stuttering breaths. "Good, good. So good,” he says. “Feeling you…fuck. You’re beautiful.” Marcus rocks his hips up into you, taking over the pace as he grows a little frantic. The friction of short hair at the base of him keeps you sated, enjoying the feel as he follows his release.

“Think of you all the time,” he continues. “See you out and—god, ah—you’re always so beautiful. Shit… Always alone. I just—”

Marcus grinds into you a few more times before he spills into the condom, moaning into the kiss you give him. You stay together like that for a minute, reveling in the feeling of him. Then you slide off his lap, Marcus’ limp dick slipping from you. He stands to take the condom off and disappears into the en suite bathroom. When he returns, the two of you bundle up under the covers.

He lets you be little spoon, his hands swiping softly over your stomach. Marcus traces little shapes beside your belly button, lips meeting the top notch of your spine.

“How was that?” you ask, breaking the soft silence.

“An excellent first time,” he says. “More…more than I imagined it could be. Thank you.”

“I’m glad.” You bring your own hand to the arm that wraps around you, feeling him. “It’s kind of a two-way street. I haven’t—I’m not really accustomed to closeness anymore.” His grasp on you has your head abuzz, high on his touch. Then you ask, “You said you saw me?”

“Oh, right,” Marcus says, remembering. “Saw you around the neighbourhood. I was mostly impressed you were able to keep a handle on that Dalmatian without turning into the evil coat lady.” His corny joke still makes you laugh, one more for the night, even as you shake your head. “And…I don’t know. I never saw you with anyone. I kept wanting to come over and say hello. Say anything, really.”

“I would’ve liked that,” you say. “Would still like that. If you came and talked to me.” Talking, fucking, going through the motions.

“I think we’re a little past that,” he says.

“You know what I mean.”

“I’ll always come talk to you.” A beat of silence. “Just you and me, like two lonely people.”

[daechwitatamic]

I. Your Wild-Running Heart || KNJ

(banner by @/itaeewon)

Title: My Feet to Follow, and My Heart to Hold (Masterpost)

Rating: NSFW - minors dni

Genre: college!au, roomie!au, angst, s2l, the absolute slowest of burns

Pairing: Namjoon x female reader, unrequited Taehyung x reader

Beta'd by @/kookstempo, @/casuallyimagining, and @/toikiii - thank you endlessly!

Summary: You know a lot about the many types of love thanks to Kim Taehyung. You love him as the only person you see as “family”, you love him as your very best friend, and you love him as the beautiful, funny man he’s become. But when a twist of fate during your senior year has you rooming with his good friend Kim Namjoon, you just might find that you have plenty left to learn about love. 

Lesson One: there are such things as a right way and a wrong way to love and to be loved.

//

When your roommate bails last-second and leaves you completely in a bind for the new school year, your best friend Taehyung mentions that his friend Namjoon needs a place off-campus, too.

Section Warnings: language

WC: 7k

The world is mine: blue hill, still silver lake, Broad field, bright flower, and the long white road A gateless garden, and an open path: My feet to follow, and my heart to hold. - Journey | Edna St. Vincent Millay

Friday August 28 

“Please, no,” you beg. “Please tell me this is a joke. I can’t live with a man. Do you know what men are like?”

Taehyung, quite a specimen of man last time you checked, cocks an eyebrow at you. “Y/N,” he says flatly. “You’re doing it again.”

It meaning being dramatic, and you resent that implication.

You whine, shuffling your feet unhappily. “But Tae,” you say - okay, you whine. “If my roommate is a guy, then I have to wear a bra in the apartment, like, all the time.”

“Oh my god,” he says, throwing his hands in the air, completely over you. “Do you want my help or not? What are your other options right now?”

How nice of him to ask. 

You’d been so excited to lease an apartment off-campus for your final year of university, even more excited to share it with a girl in your writing program named Penny. You hadn’t thought twice about putting the lease in only your own name, but when Penny texted you - the audacity of her to not even call - to say she wasn’t going to return in the fall after all, you were stuck with the responsibility.

So, since Taehyung asked, your options are this: pay the entire rent by yourself (impossible), or find a roommate, fast. 

“Namjoon’s a really good friend of mine,” Taehyung tries again. “I am personally vouching for him that he’s not a weirdo or a creep. His building flooded and he’s in a bind - just like you. He’s nice, he’s smart, and he’s normal.”

“What about clean?” you prod. 

Taehyung shrugs. “Cleaner than me.”

You sigh. You know Taehyung is right - you need someone quickly, and at this rate you’re bound to only find creeps. At least this guy - even though he’s a guy, which is your main issue - has been vetted.

“You’re not very clean,” you tell your best friend.

He grins at you, guilty as charged. 

“Could we talk first?” you suggest, nerves churning. “Like, can I meet him?”

Taehyung narrows his eyes at you. “Did you think I was going to drop the key off at his place and say ‘okay, have fun!’?”

“Maybe!” you cry, feeling a little hysterical. 

Taehyung rolls his eyes at you. “Want me to see if he can swing by the place tomorrow?”

The plan for the next day was originally for you two to load up your car through the morning, grab lunch somewhere, and then start moving your stuff into the apartment after you ate. 

“Yeah,” you answered. “That actually sounds like a good plan. Then he can see the apartment, too. And you’ll be there with me.”

“Actually a good plan,” Taehyung parrots with a scoff. “Please.”

After your lunch date, Taehyung drops you back home so you can finish packing. You’d packed a lot already - all of your big pieces of furniture were there already, your bedroom now just a mess of random piles of clothing and your bare mattress on the ground. A lot of what you still had were things you knew you’d need to use again during the days you were starting to pack - toiletries, electronics, that kind of thing. With a sigh, you turn on some music and start pulling hangers out of your closet. 

You think about your situation as you work. You’re disappointed about Penny - you’ve lost a roommate and a good friend, somehow. You’re nervous about meeting Taehyung’s friend Namjoon. You’re somehow both excited for and dreading the academic year starting - your final year, complete with a senior thesis course you’ll have to pass in June. And you’re excited for the apartment - your first one that isn’t an on-campus dorm. 

No campus security knocking on the doors, no RA going through your fridge for forbidden liquor bottles, no shared hallway bathrooms. With your own bedroom in the apartment, you’re guaranteed a space that is just yours, a sanctuary where you can have the quiet you crave and aesthetic you want, your own four walls that are completely your own. 

Taehyung’s apartment, which he shares with two friends, isn’t far from your new one - walking distance, actually. He’d offered you his couch there when Penny first bailed. But even if you took his offer, you’d be charged for breaking your lease, and you’d still have to find something more permanent - which would mean another security deposit, not to mention rent. As long as you kept the optimism that you’d successfully secure and keep a roommate, staying was the cheaper option.

You won’t talk about how you wish Taehyung would offer more than his couch.

You won’t talk about how when he’d said, “You know, you could stay with me,” in that deep, comforting voice of his, your heart had run wild. 

Then he’d continued, “That couch isn’t too bad to sleep on, I’ve done it before. And the guys wouldn’t mind. Then you’d have time to find something new, maybe something you can afford alone?”

And your wild-running heart had stuttered, stumbled, caught its footing, stood still. 

You can’t even get mad at him. He’s trying to help. It’s not his fault - at all - that he doesn’t know that your imagination leapt off a cliff at his words, was already picturing snuggling in his bed, those strong arms tight around your middle, was already picturing waking up to his sleepy smile. 

You don’t pretend for even a second that it’s anyone’s fault but your own. 

--

Around ten pm your Aunt Lin comes and knocks on your open door, looking down at the scene before her: you, sitting cross-legged on your bedroom floor, surrounded by half-closed boxes, miscellaneous items strewn around the floor around you, clothing piled up like mountains around you.

“You don’t look very ready,” she remarks.

“That’s helpful, thank you,” you say. 

Lin has raised you ever since you lost your grandmother, who had taken care of you before that. Your grandmother and Lin are the only parental figures you can really remember, but Lin’s technically only ten years your senior and has always felt more like a big sister than a mother. You can’t fault her for it; she was still quite young when she took over raising you. She certainly didn’t have to take you in, but she had, and she’d done her best. 

Lin chuckles. “Why isn’t Taehyung here helping?”

You roll your eyes. “He’s my friend, not my servant. He’s helping me move all this in tomorrow, that’s plenty.”

Lin shrugs, already disinterested. “Okay,” she says lightly. “Well, I wanted to say good luck with the move, and good luck with school this year. Let me know if you need anything.”

You look up from your packing and take in her appearance. She’s in scrubs, a huge thermos of coffee in her hand. She’s got work tonight, then, and won’t be here in the morning when Taehyung picks you up. You should have figured. 

“Thanks,” you say. 

She shifts, looking down the hall instead of at you, suddenly. Lin’s not great with emotions; it’s where you get it from.

“Okay,” she says. “I’ll see you for winter break? If not before?”

“Yeah,” you say. “Yeah. Definitely by then.”

She nods, tells you goodbye, and heads down the hallway. You hear the front door close, and you’re alone with your boxes. That’s about as mushy as it gets with Lin.

[11:44 PM] Tae Bear 🧸: what time tmrw?

[11:45 PM] You: you drive the car, you tell me

[11:51 PM] Tae Bear 🧸: 10?

[11:54 PM] You: you think that’s enough time to pack up the car and drive there before lunch?

[11:58 PM] Tae Bear 🧸: 🙄 this is why i asked YOU what time

[12:01 AM] Tae Bear 🧸: 😤

[12:02 AM] You: 9:30 

[12:03 AM] You: and bring me iced coffee 🤗 plsssss???

[12:06 AM] Tae Bear 🧸: 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

[12:08 AM] You: love u tete

[12:11 AM] Tae Bear 🧸: yeah yeah love you too 

You press the top of your phone into your forehead, closing your eyes. Letting yourself pretend, for just a second, that he could mean it the way you do.

Saturday August 29

Taehyung shows up in the morning - at ten, not nine-thirty, but he has an iced coffee for you in his car, so you let him live. 

It takes you over an hour to load up the car, the boxes and suitcases and garbage bags squished together, shoved impossibly tight, the world’s most desperate game of tetris. Taehyung declares it impossible no less than five times, bemoaning that he’ll have to make the hour drive a second time in order to fit all of your shit. 

In the end, you make it happen. It just takes a little determination. 

The drive to your university is around an hour, depending on traffic. You and Taehyung both don big, goofy aviators and blast music as you sail down the highway, the backseat loaded floor to ceiling. The car is so stuffed, you even have boxes between your feet and on your lap. 

The sun shines brightly down on you as you and Taehyung sing and groove your way through the drive, and you feel… so content, so sure that this is right, that you’re meant to be next to him, like this, forever. Like everything in the universe just clicked together to give you the perfect snapshot of how things are meant to be. 

What if you said it? What if you told him? 

Sometimes, moments like now, you just can’t fathom how he doesn’t feel it too. 

But you know better. You know he doesn’t - doesn’t want to. Something deep inside you tells you to tread carefully with this best friend of yours. Something instinctual tells you that the dysfunctional friendship you’ve crafted together is a Jenga tower and if you so much as nudge the wrong brick, it’s all coming down. 

You eat lunch at a table out in front of a cafe, people watching and basking in the sunlight. It’s the last, trickling days of August, but today’s breezy and cooler. It’ll warm up again before fall comes in full force, you’re sure, but you appreciate the reprieve from the scorching heat, since you’re about to spend several hours hauling boxes up a stairwell.

After lunch, Taehyung drives to your new neighborhood and finds a street-parking spot close to the front entrance of the tall, brick building.

“Okay,” he says. “Now the fun part.”

You giggle. “Have I told you yet that I appreciate you?”

“Elaborate, please,” he says, which is so typical for him. He looks over at you, sunglasses low on his nose.

You roll your eyes, but you’re smiling. “I appreciate you helping me move in. I appreciate you driving me. I appreciate the afternoon you’re about to spend carrying boxes and shit.”

“You’re forgetting something,” he tells you sagely.

You want to whack him in the belly for being so obnoxious, but you can’t risk him dumping all your stuff on the sidewalk and fucking off to let you deal with the stairs on your own. 

“I appreciate you finding me a roommate so I don’t have to sleep on your couch,” you add.

“There we go.” Satisfied, he unbuckles, and you both get out and examine the backseat for whichever Tetris piece seems like it could be removed easiest. Arms full of boxes, you make your way up the steps to the little lobby that houses a wall of mail slots, and then up a second set of stairs to your second-floor apartment.

You set down the box you were carrying and dig out the key, opening the door to your new home.

You really do love this apartment. Through the open space - past the kitchen and through the living room - sunlight streams in through the large front windows that overlook the city block below. You can already see in your mind where you’ll put plants on low tables, or hanging from the ceiling.

You had done the big stuff days ago, with both Lin and Taehyung’s help; Lin had rented a little moving van and you’d loaded up the big furniture. From Lin’s house, you’d taken your bedframe and boxspring, leaving just the mattress in your old bedroom at Lin’s house. You’d also loaded up your low dresser, a nightstand, and two bookshelves. You’d gotten a few pieces from a local repurposing store - a desk to work at and a little swiveling chair to go with it. Your final splurge was an expensive mattress; the one in the store had felt like damn clouds. It was set to be delivered sometime this afternoon. 

You’re already looking forward to going to sleep later.

You and Taehyung try to just put boxes where they’re meant to go. Two boxes end up in your bathroom, another two in the kitchen. You split the books between your bedroom and the living room, where a lone bookshelf is the only current piece of furniture. You heave bags of clothes and linens into your closet, determined to deal with them later. 

The mattress delivery goes smoothly, the truck arriving as you and Taehyung are about halfway done unloading the car. You leave the building’s front door and your apartment door propped open and both teams do their thing: the delivery guys carrying the mattress up the steps, you and Taehyung behind them with garbage bags full of your clothes or boxes of books. 

“You,” Taehyung pants, “have way too much stuff.”

You grin sheepishly, as in the other room your new mattress is removed from its plastic wrap and placed atop your awaiting boxspring. You’re itching to dig out your linens and make the bed; that’s always what makes a room feel ready to you, even back when you were just setting up a little dorm. Once the bed was made, everything else slowly fell into place. 

Once the delivery truck rolls away, you throw yourself bodily onto the mattress, letting out a series of happy groans as you let the pillowy goodness envelop you. 

“Taehyung,” you call tantalizingly. “Come feel it.”

You hear him drop a box in the living room with an audible oof - it must have been more books - and then he comes into your new bedroom and flops sideways across the bed next to you, the mattress jumping and settling again under his weight.

“Wow,” he says, rolling on his back and then turning to look at you, his legs bending to touch the floor. “This is nice. Let’s trade, I’ll bring mine over.”

“Nope,” you say, smiling. “I bought this one with my hard-earned summer money. It’s just for me.”

“Yeah,” he says, voice wry, “for you and your guests.”

Now you do whack him in the belly. He grunts, hands covering the spot, then lays still again.

“That wasn’t nice,” he comments mildly. “No hitting.”

“What guests?” you pout. “I haven’t had a guest since–”

“Ah, spare me the Great Drought of 2022 story,” he begs. He sits up, reaching into his pocket. As his hand retracts, you realize his phone is buzzing with an incoming call.

“Bro,” he says as a greeting, and then listens. “Yeah, we’re here now. That’s fine. Sounds good. Okay.”

He taps to hang up and looks at you. “Namjoon is almost here. That’s fine, right?”

“I was right here,” you huff. “Yes, it’s fine, but you literally could have asked me.”

Taehyung ignores you. “There’s one more box. I’ll go get it, and then I’ll stay while you meet with Joon, and then I’m gonna go, okay?”

“Oh,” you say, heart sinking a little bit. You’d kind of hoped he’d stick around, just hang out and goof off while you unpacked boxes and organized your stuff. “Sure.”

He reads you like a book; he always does.

“Don’t pout,” he says, and there’s something apologetic in his tone. “I just have to do some stuff today. And I really need to shower, this got me all sweaty.”

Well, you don’t need that mental image. Luckily, you’re saved from yourself by a knock at the front door. This strikes you as so polite, because not only is Namjoon going to literally live here, but also because the door is still propped wide open.

You sit up, fixing your hair from where you laid on it. Taehyung has already made his way through the living room and is giving a one-handed bro-hug to the guy at the door. You make your way over, heart thumping. 

You notice a few things right away. He’s tall - taller than Taehyung, and you don’t see that often. His eyes are absolutely striking - there’s sharpness to them, something that makes you want to see the world how he does, something that makes you want to keep looking, something that makes you curious about how he’d see you. 

When he smiles, each cheek dimples, the perfect size for the pad of your index finger. He’s all in browns except for a pair of light-wash jeans. He’s got a dark brown beanie tugged low on his head, and even his thin, wire-frame glasses seem to be chosen for the vibe above all else.

“Hi,” you say, sounding a little shy even to your own ears. Taehyung moves out of the way and you reach to shake Namjoon’s hand. “I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you. Taehyung promised me you’re normal.”

The guy lets out one big laugh, surprised. “He told me the same,” he says conspiratorially, “but really, that’s such a subjective thing.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes, and you step back to let Namjoon in, preparing to show him around. 

“Kitchen and living room are here,” you say unnecessarily, since he can see for himself. “Your bedroom would be on this side.” You push open the door and Namjoon sticks his head in. The room is completely bare, the empty closet door standing open. 

“You get your own bathroom,” Taehyung points out. Namjoon nods appreciatively, still looking silently back and forth across the room that would be his as soon as you pass him a key.

“Is it okay?” you ask, suddenly feeling nervous. If this guy backs out, you’ll be back at square one, and now with less time to solve the problem.

“Oh,” he says, as if remembering he should communicate. “Yeah! It’s great.” He turns and peers at the living room, which is empty but for your lone bookshelf and several boxes of books, unopened.

“I have some stuff we can put here, if you want?” he asks, his tone a little uncertain. “Specifically, I have a couch and coffee table, plus a TV and a console to put it on. It should all fit.”

“That would be great,” you say enthusiastically. “I was already stressing out about saving up enough for a couch.”

He nods easily, looking around the room thoughtfully. Taehyung has wandered over to the large windows and is looking up at the tree that stands right outside, the branches waving lightly in the afternoon breeze. With the sunlight coming in, he looks like a painting. 

“I have a rug, too,” Namjoon muses. “Would you be interested in that?”

“Definitely,” you tell him, tearing your eyes away from Taehyung’s back. There’s something knowing in Namjoon’s face as he watches you, and you flush, feeling weirdly caught.

“Okay,” he says, “I’ll bring it. What about kitchen stuff?”

“I don’t have a ton,” you admit, pointing to the two boxes - not very big ones - that you’ve left on the kitchen counter. “If you’ve got more, that’s probably good. I don’t cook that often, to be honest. I’m not very good at it.”

Namjoon smiles at you, leaning over a little like he’s letting you in on a secret. “I can barely boil water,” he admits. “So you’re all good.”

You stand together as you discuss how you’ll be splitting the monthly costs for the utilities, not to mention the high-speed wifi that’s getting set up in two days. That leaves you to work out the rent, what day it’s due and how you want to handle paying it. In the end, you decide that he’ll electronically pay you, and you’ll pay the landlord, since it’s your name on the lease. He pays you right there on the spot, and you pass him the key that was meant for Penny.

“Is it okay if I start moving my things tomorrow?” he asks you.

You shrug. “This place is yours now, too,” you say easily. “You can honestly do what you want.”

“Okay,” he says. “I’ll probably start in the morning then?”

“I can’t promise I’ll be up,” you laugh, “but don’t let that stop you!”

“Should we…” he pauses, adjusts his glasses. “Should we exchange numbers?”

Taehyung makes a face you know well; it’s the face he makes when he wants to laugh or make fun of something, and he’s doing the Good Person Thing by keeping the thought to himself, but he wants to make sure you know by his face that he is holding it in. He wants credit for doing the Good Person Thing.

You honestly hate him sometimes. It’s the only thing keeping you from tipping straight into insanity. Sometimes, I really hate Taehyung. 

“Yes, we probably should,” you say, because someone in this room needs to act like they aren’t twelve years old, and it’s not going to be Kim Taehyung, apparently.

You do, and then Namjoon tells you both goodbye, making his way back out to the hallway and down the steps. You can hear his footsteps fall away into nothing. 

Taehyung looks at you, smiles angelically. “See?” he says. “I told you he was nice.”

He reaches for his keys on your kitchen counter. You frown, detecting his imminent departure. 

“Will you come over tomorrow?” you ask, a little pitifully. 

He considers this, and nods. “For dinner?” he suggests. 

“Yeah,” you say. “We still won’t have wifi yet. We’ll be bored.”

“Only boring people get bored,” Taehyung says sagely, holding up one finger like a wizened philosopher. Then he comes to hug you goodbye, pulling you into a sweet embrace. You want to live there, in the spot between his arms. 

Once he’s gone, you look around your new home. Alone, you decide to put on music and start tackling boxes. You start in the bathroom, finding towels so you’ll be able to shower in the morning, unpacking all your toiletries, setting up your toothbrush just so. You do the kitchen second; the sun sets outside as you find places for your battered pots and pans. 

You stop for dinner, getting take-out from a place nearby that delivers. Then you dive back in, setting up your bedroom. It feels cozy already, once the bed is made and you’ve plugged in your little lamps. Calmer, you start folding clothes to put into dresser drawers. At one point you wander out of your room to get some water and you freeze in your bedroom doorway, struck by how lonely it feels. 

The rest of the apartment is lit only by the yellow glow coming from your bedroom, plus the thin, white light that filters in from the streetlight below the living room windows. You hurry into the kitchen and turn on the light over the sink, which vanishes some of the bad feeling for you. You pour your glass of water and lean heavily on the counter, looking out at your empty living room, and the dark doorway of Namjoon’s untouched room. You wish Taehyung had come back over, or that some of your university friends had moved back into the area sooner.

You rinse your glass and head back into your room, ready to distract yourself with more unpacking until you’re tired enough to sleep.

Sunday August 30

Bumps and crashes wake you in the morning. It takes you a few minutes to figure out where you are - ah, the cloud bed, in your new room. The morning sunlight is strong; apparently the windows on the front of the apartment face the east. You make a mental note to shop for some good blackout curtains, and check your phone. Not much waiting for you - Lin texted around 1 am asking if you got settled okay, probably while she was on a quick break. You answer her, check your socials, and then lay back, just looking around. 

You got a lot done yesterday, but you still have more unpacking to do. It also occurs to you that not only is there no coffee waiting for you in the kitchen, there’s no food of any kind in the whole place, unless you count your container of leftover takeout from last night. 

You shower and get dressed, figuring it's best to stay out of the way - you can hear the grunts and huffs and loud bumps that indicate Namjoon’s got some friends helping him move things in. But eventually, the growling in your stomach and your body’s clamoring for caffeine send you out into the living room.

The low entertainment center is in place across the room from you, a flatscreen tv situated on top. There are now two stools tucked beneath the breakfast bar in the kitchen, and a pretty, wooden coffee table sits in the center of the living room.

There’s a guy on the floor surrounded by furniture pieces, a screwdriver, and a packet of instructions in his hands. You can hear a lot of shouting, bumping, and cursing floating in from the stairwell down the hall. 

“Hey,” the guy on the floor says. “You’re Y/N? I’m Namjoon’s friend, Yoongi.”

“Hi,” you say, a little bewildered. “What are you… building?”

He sighs, squinting at the paper in his hand. “It’s supposed to be a bookshelf. Eventually.”

You’re about to respond to this when the noise from outside the open door gets infinitely louder. You see Namjoon’s expansive back as he shuffles backwards through the doorway, one end of a faded, grey couch in his hands. 

“Okay, you have to turn,” he coaches whoever is on the other side.

The couch makes it through the door, and you’re surprised to see that you know the other person carrying the couch. He’s one of Taehyung’s best friends, and you’ve hung out together as a group plenty of times over the last three years.

“JayKay!” you call happily. “Welcome to my house!”

He laughs, nose scrunching with delight. “Y/N,” he crows. “Where should I put the couch?”

“Across from the tv,” Namjoon answers for you, sounding a little breathless. They shuffle through the room, and you notice for the first time that they’ve already put the rug in place, covering most of the warped, wooden floor of the living room. The couch settles over top of it, and Namjoon slides the coffee table to a more centered position.

One more guy comes through your doorway, carrying a nightstand and a lamp. He’s got quite possibly the widest shoulders you’ve ever seen. He disappears into Namjoon’s bedroom, and you hear the quiet thump as he sets the nightstand down in there.

“Wow,” you say. “You’ve got a whole moving crew.”

“Notice who’s not here helping,” Jungkook grumbles.

You smile to yourself. If you know him at all, you’ll guess Taehyung isn’t even out of bed yet. 

“In his defense,” you say, and Jungkook snorts, as if it’s so typical that you’d defend Taehyung, which… it might be, “he did a lot for me yesterday. We had his car packed with my stuff.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jungkook mutters and turns to - presumably - get more stuff from downstairs.

“You have a lot left?” you ask Namjoon, who seems to be catching his breath for a minute, perched on the arm of the couch. “I’d offer to help, but I was just about to go get groceries - there’s very literally no food here.”

“We’re about done with the heavier stuff,” he says, looking at the open door, like he’ll find an inventory there that he can reference. “But still plenty of assembling left.”

“Hooray,” Yoongi deadpans from the floor, holding the instruction packet up in the air like a different angle will help him decipher the directions.

You find your little foldable cart and make your way to the grocery store a few blocks away. By the time you’re done scouring the aisles, you’ve loaded the cart to the top and still have to carry some of the bags. But at least now you’ll have food to eat, things to drink besides tap water. 

Getting up the stairs with your groceries sucks, but you make it, panting like crazy as you finally unlock the front door and let yourself in.

You’re greeted with silence; it’s clear the guys are all gone. The living room looks completely different than twenty-four hours ago. The couch and table look great, and it seems like Yoongi’s bookshelf is mostly complete - it’s upright, just missing a few shelves near the top. You set the groceries down in the kitchen next to three unopened boxes - it seems like Namjoon’s gameplan was the same as yours yesterday: get the boxes into the appropriate rooms, do the rest later. 

You peek into his bedroom - he’s left the door all the way open, which feels nice, like he trusts you, and you make a mental note that you should probably do the same. You notice that it looks like the furniture is all in place there, too. It doesn’t differ much from yours, actually. The bedframe is put together, the boxspring and mattress leaning against the far wall. He’s also got a tall chest of drawers, a wicker hamper, and in the corner, a desk. Namjoon’s furniture is a lot more modern looking than yours, sleek and matching. You bet he didn’t get half of his from the thrift store. 

You put the groceries away and make yourself a small lunch, eating it on the couch in the quiet of the apartment. You’ve got about twenty-four hours to go until there’s wifi and you can stream shows when you’re home alone. You’re just cleaning up your lunch when you hear a key in the lock, and then the cacophony of boys’ voices as they reenter the apartment. 

“-far superior, I’m telling you,” Jungkook is saying emphatically. The smell of greasy burgers and fries hits you in the kitchen along with the sound of his voice.

“I hear what you’re saying, and I respect your opinion,” a flat voice responds that you think might belong to Yoongi. “It’s just that you’re wrong.”

“Hey,” Namjoon says, noticing you standing in the kitchen. The guys pass through, heading into the living room, Jungkook already digging in the bag. They surround the coffee table, handing out burgers and fries, filling the room with delicious smells and noisy chatter.

You take this opportunity to head back into your room, sitting on your bedroom floor and opening one of your boxes of books, starting to put them on the small shelf beneath your window. You pop in your airpods and turn on music, losing yourself in the monotonous movement of digging out a new book, then turning to place it on the shelf. Rinse, and repeat.

When you finish, you move into your closet. You put your little wire shoe rack back together and locate your box of shoes, lining them up neatly. Then, you tackle another garbage bag full of clothes that go on hangers, flapping each shirt or dress to relieve it of wrinkles before hanging it up. After that, you find a box of miscellaneous dresser items - jewelry boxes, perfume bottles, headbands - and put those where you want them, too.

By the time you decide you need to sit down and take a break, it’s nearly evening, the light outside reaching that golden hour. You really do love the natural lighting in this place. 

You take out your airpods and set them to charge, listening carefully. You’ve had your bedroom door open this whole time, but the guys had left you alone and you’d minded your own business. Now, the apartment is filled with silence again. They must be gone.

You text Taehyung for the first time that day, which strikes you as weird. He must have been busy today, too. It’s odd for you two to make it until almost dinner without speaking.

“Dinner?” you text, and then wander out into the living room. 

“Hey,” a voice says from near the floor, and you practically leap out of your skin. You startle so violently that your phone slips from your hands and clatters to the floor.

“Holy crap,” you breathe when you realize Namjoon is sitting on the floor next to his newly assembled bookshelf, an open box of books before him. He seems to be sorting them into piles before putting any on the shelf.

“Sorry,” he says, eyes wide. “I didn’t mean to--”

“No, you’re fine,” you assure him. “I’m just… a jumpy person. You’ll get used to it.”

You watch him sort books for a minute, then eye your own empty bookshelf, your boxes still closed on the ground next to it. You decide if it’s Bookshelf Hours, you might as well, right? You set your phone on the coffee table and settle in, opening your first box and starting to place books on the bottommost shelf.

“So,” you say, because it feels weird to be sitting four feet from your new roommate and not speaking, “Taehyung said you’re a grad student at the university?”

Namjoon nods wordlessly, eyes on the books he’s sorting. “Yep,” he says finally. “And you’re a senior?”

“Mhm,” you confirm. 

After that scintillating conversation, you both lapse into silence as you work. You continue like that for some time - long enough to reach the middle shelf - before you realize you hear your phone buzzing on the table. You stretch to reach for it, missing how Namjoon glances sideways at you, at how an inch of your stomach is revealed as you lean over. 

“Hi,” you say, pressing the phone to your ear.

“Took you long enough to answer,” Taehyung gripes.

“Sorry,” you say. “We were putting books away.”

Taehyung’s silence is just one beat too long. “We, huh?”

You laugh, once. “I mean? That’s what each of us is doing? So? Yeah?” From his spot a few feet away, Namjoon glances over his shoulder, frowning slightly.

“Anyway,” you say, “dinner? Do you want to come over?” 

“Yes,” he says decisively. “Order us something and I’ll head over?”

“Sure,” you say, already hanging up. You don’t need to ask what he wants; no matter where you order from, you know what he likes. 

“Do you want to order with us?” you ask Namjoon mildly as you scroll through the local delivery app. “I was thinking pizza.”

“Yeah,” Namjoon says slowly, like he was deep in thought and has to process what you’d said to him. “That would be nice. Thanks.”

The place you’d order from back when you lived in the dorms is actually closer to this apartment than campus, which is the most beautiful, serendipitous thing that’s ever happened in your life. You place the order for delivery and continue putting your books away. Once all the books are on shelves, you’re essentially done - finally, after two days - unpacking. 

This gives you exactly one whole day to relax before you have to start going to classes again.

Taehyung arrives before the pizza, knocking on the door in a silly rhythm. You pound back on your side of the door, echoing his rhythm, before opening it, greeting him with a big smile. You’d missed him; of course you had.

“Wow,” he says, genuinely impressed, as he peers around you. “It looks so much different in here.”

“Right?” you ask, filled with joy. Taehyung pokes his head into the kitchen, which is arguably the least “ready” room, as aside from putting your things into drawers and cupboards, neither you nor Namjoon had really done much to it. No hand-towels hanging by the sink, no magnets on the fridge, even the counters were empty, save for the two sets of keys resting there. Taehyung adds his own to the key pile and moves into the living room, which is much more impressive.

“Hey, man,” Namjoon says from the floor. It seems like he’s done sorting his books into piles and has started actually putting them on shelves now. “Looks good, right?”

“It does,” Taehyung answers from the doorway of Namjoon’s room, where he's peeking nosily. “The guys helped you?”

“Everyone except you and Jimin,” Namjoon says innocently. 

Taehyung smiles guiltily. “I helped Y/N the entire day before, just the two of us,” he argues. “And what about Hobi? He’s on--”

“--on vacation with his parents,” Namjoon finishes agreeably, “so he’s off the hook. Where was Jimin?”

“Where do you think Jimin was?” Taehyung scoffs, reaching down and touching the rug absently.

“Sleeping,” you and Namjoon say at the same time, both of your voices wry. You smile at him, and he looks away. 

The pizza arrives and you all sit around the coffee table to eat. Conversation flows better with Taehyung in the mix; he talks so much, it almost doesn’t matter if anyone else does. 

“I was thinking of making a list of things we need for the apartment that wouldn’t necessarily belong to either of us - cleaning supplies, stuff like that,” Namjoon says to you. “I thought I could buy it and we could split the cost?”

“Buy the cheap stuff,” Taehyung advises. “Y/N’s summer money is gonna go fast, especially the way she orders out instead of cooking.”

“Thank you, Taehyung,” you say flatly, shooting him a look. “I start work in like two days. I can handle it.”

After the pizza’s done, Namjoon goes back to working on his bookshelf, obviously wanting to clear the floorspace of his book piles sooner rather than later. You and Taehyung sprawl across the couch opposite each other, his feet resting near your elbow, both of you on your phones. 

You stay like that until nearly midnight, talking occasionally but mostly just happily coexisting in your own little bubbles. At some point, Namjoon finishes the bookshelf and wanders into his bedroom, pausing to look at you two on the couch before disappearing. He pushes his door almost shut, leaving it open a few inches. You hear the subtle sounds of music playing from behind the door, but not loud enough to discern what it is. 

Taehyung hugs you before leaving, and you snuggle into the embrace, body exhausted from the moving process. He rests his chin on top of your head, swaying you around a little bit. 

“Thanks for helping me,” you murmur into his chest. Sometimes the only time you can get Taehyung to be serious for a conversation is when you’re like this; in each other’s arms, your walls come down - in his case, deflecting with humor and sarcasm, brushing off everything like it’s a big joke. In yours, saying what you really mean, and not a more delicate version of it.

“You’re welcome,” he answers, squeezing you a little. “I’m glad everything worked out. It really does look good in here. And I think you guys will get along.” 

Once he leaves, you deadbolt the front door and head to the kitchen to wash the plates and cups you’d used for pizza. Behind you, you hear the squeak of door hinges, and Namjoon pads into the kitchen behind you. He pauses, scanning the cupboards.

“I don’t remember which one I put my cups in,” he laughs a little, and then starts opening each one until he finds what he needs. Once he has a glass, he rummages in the fridge, taking out a juice carton and filling his glass about halfway. You finish washing the last plate and turn the water off, rummaging through a drawer for a dish towel to dry everything.  

“So…” Namjoon says between sips of juice. “You two are pretty close, huh?”

“Yeah,” you say, shrugging easily. “He’s my best friend.”

Namjoon hums, nods, purses his lips thoughtfully. If you knew him better, you’d push - ask him what that face means, or why he’d asked in the first place. 

But, you don’t need to. You know already. You’re used to being interrogated by others about your relationship with Taehyung. Sometimes people are trying to see if you’re a threat in their quest to worm their way into Taehyung’s heart (or pants) - and in your own weird way, you kind of are, at least for the former. 

Taehyung definitely sleeps around, but he’s surprisingly tight-lipped with you about it. You’re not sure if he’s sparing you, or he’s actually just a gentleman. Could go either way. But when Taehyung considers dating someone - rare, to say the least - he always has you vet them first. You never like any of them, surprise surprise. 

You’re used to girls approaching you in bathrooms, sometimes aggressively, sometimes meekly, to ask if Taehyung’s your boyfriend. You’ve had girls come apologize, saying they “didn’t know about you”. Once you’d had a girl nearly shove you down a staircase for talking to “her man”, but luckily, said man was walking next to you and helped shut the whole thing down. (You two had had a serious talk after that one about communicating with his partners about his relationship status. Things have never gone that far again, to date.)

Less frequently, you’ll get asked about Taehyung by guys who are interested in you, who are trying to figure out how much of a lost cause it is. That one’s a little trickier. How do you tell the cute guy at the coffee shop that no, you’re not dating Taehyung, but you are secretly so in love with him that it really isn’t worth their time? 

Anyway, usually you just tell guys that you’re not dating Taehyung but that you’re not interested in dating anyone. It usually does the trick. It’s not that far from the truth, either.

That leaves the last category of people who ask about you two, and this is where you feel Namjoon falls: the people who watch your weird, boundary-pushing friendship and are just genuinely curious how it could possibly work. 

And you get it, you really do. You know how this looks from the outside. Hell, you’re sure that from the outside it’s fairly obvious how gone you are for him. Is it just as obvious to the outside that he sees you more like a sister than anything datable? 

Probably.

You’ve had friends ask you what keeps you around. You always say the same thing - regardless of your feelings for him, he’s also your absolute best friend.

Your friendship is precious to you, sacred. It sometimes feels like the only thing you have, in a life where you generally don’t have much. Your family is Lin - that’s it, end of the road. Your girlfriends are nice, but Penny was the closest you had and she’s across the country now. You only have Taehyung. And what you have with him, as special as it is, it’s also precarious. 

If you lose him, it isn’t just that you’ll lose him - and trust, that would be devastating - it’s also that you would be deeply alone. 

Finished with the dishes, you bid Namjoon goodnight and head back into your room for the night, planning to change into pajamas and wait for Taehyung to text you that he made it home safely, wait for Taehyung to text you goodnight. Namjoon murmurs goodnight, but you feel his calculating gaze on your back until you close your door softly behind you.

Next ->

Thank you so much for reading! I started writing this in August, it feels amazing to finally postttttt. Please consider some type of feedback - I'd love to hear anything you want to share! Section II will post on Friday, January 27th - hope to see you there!

[yourtouchismidas]

Fic idea

how would Matty respond if teenage Gigi came home drunk and he had to look after her. Maybe he doesn’t want to give her into trouble so she is scared of him and thinks she can’t tell him stuff but he wants her to be safe

the first sign that gigi is in trouble when she rings him, other than the time being 2am, is that she calls him daddy.

"daddy?" she says on the phone when he picks up, before he has even had chance to speak. she hasn't called him that since... well ever really. he's always been dad. or matty. or matthew.

"gi, what's wrong?" he says, shooting up and out of bed. gigi is supposed to be at a sleepover at her school friend claire's house. she is fifteen years old, just turned.

"i've made a mistake daddy," she says. her voice slurs. his heart is in his throat. then he hears her throw up on the other side of the line, fainter, away from the phone. someone, some people, laugh and jeer in the back ground.

"gigi where are you, baby? where are you?" matty yells down the phone, pacing, running his hands through his hair. he has already shoved on some trackies but his feet and chest are still bare. you wake up in bed, and start panicking, asking what is wrong. matty snaps at you, tells you to wait, holds a hand up. you are yelling at him that that is your baby. he isn't responding.

"gigi!" he is yelling down the phone, "gigi! august!"

"yeah, i'm here. i'm here," her muffled voice reappears. she starts crying. "i'm so sorry dad. i'm so so sorry."

"honey ,where are you?"

"claire's. she had a party. i'm so so sorry."

"what have you had, gi?"

"just like shots and stuff," gigi says.

"nothing else? it's okay baby you can tell me. just please tell me okay so i can help you."

"nothing else."

you are clutching matty's arm and so he turns to you and mouths, "drunk" and then strokes your face quickly as an apology, his heart rate slowing in his chest as he realises it might not be as bad as he first thought.

"right, stay on the phone my love, i'm coming to get you."

he holds the phone in one hand while he shoves on trainers and a shirt. you talk to gigi, saying its okay, and she starts sobbing.

"i didnt want mum to know, dad, i didnt want mum to know!"

"it's okay darling, i'm not mad okay. i just want you home safe."

matty gets in the car and drives over to claires. he keeps gigi on the phone the whole time, getting her to confirm she is okay, which is all she can really do right now, as everything else comes out slurred. when he pulls up to claire's, there is music blasting in the house, kids are out on the lawn and there is laughter and yelling everywhere. gigi is sitting on the pavement, eyes running with make up, hair everywhere. she has a bag in front of her, holding it in case she is sick again.

"oh baby," he says, running to her, "oh my sweet baby."

"daddy i'm sorry," she says, looking at him.

"oh honey it's okay," he says. he runs his fingers over her forehead to get the hair out his eyes. "your dad is experienced in this kind of thing, ey? you're just gonna feel rough for a while."

gigi moans.

"where are your friends, baby?"

she shrugs.

"so..." matty looks around at the house, at the pavement, empty except for them. "...so they left you out here? noone came out to make sure you were okay?"

he can feel the anger seeping into his voice. he never like that snot nosed little claire. bossing gigi around, making snide comments. and now this.

"dad," gigi says, looking up at him, "let's just go."

"they just left you out here? no one came to check on you?"

"it's fine," gigi says.

"no it aint fine!" he yells, "they call themselves your friends and they can't even stay with you?"

"let's just go. i wont hang out with them anymore okay, i dont want to. just take me home?"

matty already has his phone out.

"yeah police, thanks. i need to report a party with underage drinking. thank you."

gigi groans. he gives them the address and starts helping her into the car, whispering to her that she is going to have some water and a sleep and then a movie day and she is going to feel much better. someone starts laughing behind them, near the house.

"look at gigi healy!" a boy says, "can't handle the drink and has to be rescued by daddy. rock star daddy."

"not very rockstar of you gigi" another boy yells. gigi closes her eyes. tears roll down her cheek. matty watches. then turns.

"oi!" he yells. he is storming over before he can stop himself, "think you're dead funny do you? think you're smart? you're just a fucking ugly little shit who doesnt deserve to be ten miles from my daughter okay. now i'm sorry your mummy and daddy dont love you enough to give a flying fuck where you are, but i'm taking my daughter home and i'm shutting this whole thing down."

"aw what?" someone from the doorway says. the boys matty has just yelled at are stunned silent.

"that's right!" matty yells, marching up to the person in the doorway and then peering in. "if you cant fucking look after each other. you dont deserve to party. that's fucking basic etiquette. clearly you dont fucking know anything."

he turns to leave.

"you're like twelve years old. all of you. go read a fucking book for gods sake."

him and gigi are driving home quietly.

"sorry for that," he says, rubbing his hands over his face. "i hope i havent made it weird with your friends."

"they're not my friends," gigi says, "not the ones you yelled at anyway."

"nah, they're shit."

they drive quietly for a bit longer.

"thanks dad," gigi says, almost a whisper. he puts a hand on her leg.

"you need me baby, i'm there."

when he pulls up in the driveway, gigi gets a text.

"oh no," she says, "they're yelling at rosie now because she is my friend. and gemma. they can't even get home because their parents don't know."

and that is how gigi ends up in bed, you watching over her, and matty ends up ferrying back and forth to the now shut down party, giving a bunch of teenage girls a lift home.

[graceful-starker]

The Big Three

Summary: The one where Steve is a full idiot, Bucky is half an idiot, and Sam loves them both.

Warnings: jealousy and idiotic choices lol

Rating/WC: M/6506

Notes: There is mild stony in this one, but stony is not the main focus nor the endgame. The endgame of this fic is poly Sam/Steve/Bucky.

This starts off about a year before the main story (Just a Friend and Peter's Boyfriend) but ends about the same time Chapter Two of Peter's Boyfriend ends.

But! It can be read as a standalone fic, as usual.

~~~~

Bucky has spent his entire life liking Steve just a little bit too much. Since they were just kids; maybe before then. One of his very first memories is playing with Steve in the Rogers’ apartment, Christmas tree up in the corner, Steve’s parents dancing to carols and laughing. He had been watching them dancing, laughing, smiling at each other. Even as little as he was, he knew how happy they were and how much they loved each other. And he had looked at Steve and thought, he loved Steve like they loved each other. 

Now that he’s older, he realizes it’s a bit different than he originally thought: Steve makes him happy. Steve feels like home. Steve is associated in his mind with everything Bucky associates with love. 

As they were growing up together, Bucky went through a range of realizations and assumptions, some of which he’s since grown from and some which stuck. As he grew a bit older, he realized he can’t love Steve, because Steve is a boy and he’s a boy and that isn’t allowed. Then he couldn’t love Steve, because even if it was allowed, Bucky likes girls. He likes dating girls, he likes kissing them, he likes making them laugh the same way Mr. Rogers always makes Mrs. Rogers laugh. 

Then he realized maybe he liked boys too, and maybe he loved Steve. But then Steve was dating a girl from his church named Peggy Carter, and they’d been dating a long time and Steve called her his girl. 

And they danced to Christmas carols and he made her laugh and when they looked at each other, Steve got this sparkle in his eyes and Bucky knew he loved her. And Bucky wanted to be jealous, he wanted to hate her and wanted her to fuck right off; but she made Steve smile and Bucky loves when Steve smiles. He couldn’t make himself feel jealous no matter how hard he tried. 

Of course, now he knows they didn’t last. They were just high school sweethearts; they loved each other while it lasted, but then Peggy got a scholarship to a university in England and she moved away and Steve was bittersweet about it. He knew the long distance wouldn’t work for them, but he was sad it was over. They called it quits the August they had to go off to their respective colleges, but they were still smiling and Steve let her go with the promise of one more dance, sometime down the road. 

Then he told himself, he can’t love Steve because Steve is heartbroken and he misses Peggy and even if Steve did want to be with Bucky, which he doesn’t, Bucky isn’t sure he’ll ever really measure up to Steve’s first love. 

And then Steve got over it, and he came out to Bucky as bi, and Bucky realized: he might have a chance. If Steve liked guys, and he could maybe like Bucky, maybe Steve would be willing to try dating Bucky. 

But Bucky tried; he flirted and he hinted and one day he finally asked if Steve was interested in dating, and he had said I dunno, Buck. Maybe if I meet someone I really like, again. And then Bucky knew. Even if Steve liked guys, he didn’t like Bucky. Not romantically, anyway. 

But that was fine, for Bucky. He still loved Steve, and they’re still best friends, and that’s enough. They’ll never dance to carols in the Christmas tree lights, and they’ll never laugh in each other’s arms, and Steve will never look at him with that sparkle in his eye. But Steve will laugh beside him, and he’ll show Bukcy his drawings when he won’t show anyone else, and he’ll tell Bucky all his deepest secrets. And that’s enough. 

Bucky had still been getting used to the lack of hope in his chest for Steve, when they started their spring semester of Steve’s freshman and his sophomore year. They had signed up for the same psych class, and they had gotten there early so they could steal the desks in the back right of the classroom like always. 

And then a boy sat next to Bucky, and grinned at him. “Were you in anthropological theory last semester, with Dr. Pace?”

Bucky had blinked, turning to face the boy and see if he could remember him. “Yeah, I was,” he had said, still trying to recognize him.

“I had the class in that classroom right before your class started,” the boy had said, and pulled out his notebook. “I saw you sometimes, because you would always get there early.”

Bucky had smiled at him, offering his hand. “I guess it was fate,” he started. “I’m James Barnes, but everyone calls me Bucky.”

“Sam Wilson,” the boy had introduced, taking Bucky’s hand. “So are you an anth major or a psych major?”

Bucky had laughed, because it had been funny to him at the time. “History major, actually. What about you?”

Sam’s eyes had lit up with interest, and he had turned his whole body to Bucky. Steve was shifting beside Bucky in boredom, but Bucky didn’t wanna be rude. “I’m a psych major and anth minor. I guess you beat me, though, unless the anth class was for humanities credit?”

“Beat you?” Bucky had asked, but he had felt like Sam stole all his breath when he smiled. “I’m a double minor, anth and psych.”

“Yeah!” Sam had said, leanings towards Bucky. “You got two minors, you beat me. Plus you’re a history major, so I guess you like people even more than I do.”

“Bucky,” Steve had whispered, and Bucky had felt bad. 

“Oh, this is my best friend, Steve,” Bucky had said, reluctantly turning away from Sam to smile at Steve. He leaned back in his chair so they can see each other. “He’s a psych major too, for now,” Bucky had said. Steve really wanted to be an art major, but Sarah wouldn’t approve. 

Sam had watched Bucky talk, but he had turned to look at Steve and his smile had disappeared. “You!” he had said loudly, pointing. “You’re the guy that always passes me when I run in the mornings! You’re ‘on your left’ guy!”

Steve’s face had turned bright red, but he had puffed his chest out proudly. “I didn’t know I had earned a nickname, but sure,” he had said, his own smile forming. “Now I can say your name when I pass you, at least.”

Sam had scoffed, scooting closer to them both and grinning. “Nah, nah, now it’s personal. Now I know you. Now I gotta beat you.”

“Not gonna happen,” Steve had argued, and Bucky had forgotten how to breathe for a second. He liked both of their smiles so much, liked the way Sam had a gap in between his teeth and he liked the way Steve’s dimples popped only if he was smiling wide enough. “I’m on the track team, and they’re even talking about making me captain next year even though I’m a freshman.”

“Oh, it’s personal now,” Sam had said, resting his chin on his hand. “You’re on.”

And just like that, they became a trio. They ran in the mornings; Steve usually lapping them while they laughed and struggled to keep up. They studied for tests together, they went to parties together, they even ate most of their meals together. They made new friends together; found a larger friend group together. 

They did things separately too, of course. Bucky and Sam studied for and talked about their anthropology classes without Steve. Steve and Sam race alone sometimes. Bucky and Steve share a dorm room together without Sam. 

Bucky falls in love with Sam alone. He falls in love with his laugh, with the way he throws his head back and laughs as loud as he wants without worrying about what anyone around them is thinking. He falls in love with Sam’s smile, and the gap between his teeth, and the way tilts his head when Bucky or Steve say something he finds especially amusing. He falls in love with the way Sam argues with him, the way they can bicker for days straight but know it’s all in good fun. He loves the way Sam talks about the things he’s passionate about, loves the way he can go hours straight ranting about a subject if Bucky goads him on. He loves how Sam talks about flying when he gets high, and the way he’ll hold his arms out as if the wind could take him away if he wished hard enough. 

He gets confused alone; because he thought finding someone else to love would free him from his prison of unrequited love for Steve, but he doesn't love Steve any less. He doesn’t feel like he’s over Steve, doesn’t feel any less affection for the blond. He still wants to kiss Steve and make him laugh, and Steve’s smile still knocks the breath out of him.

He’s scared to do anything about any of it, because he doesn’t want to risk losing either of them. They’re his best friends, and that’s enough for Bucky   

~~~

The only reason Sam has waited as long as he has to ask out the man who’s captured his attention for half a year is because he thought he was in a situationship. He had tried to hit on Bucky the first time he worked up the nerve to actually say something to him, but then the blond beside him had interjected himself into the conversation. 

Now, of course, he thinks their both his best friends. He doesn’t feel the initial flair of irritation he had the first time he laid eyes on Steve Rogers. But he had backed off, like the good friend he is, to let their seemingly inevitable coupling happen. 

But it’s been a whole semester and the whole summer and a few weeks after that, and neither of them have made a move on the other. So, Sam decided: why not? The worst that can happen is that Bucky rejects him, and they can both go back to pretending it never happened.

Besides, he thinks Bucky likes him, too, anyway. He looks at Sam the same way he looks at Steve, and he gets that same dumb smile on his stupidly pretty face when he looks at the both of them. 

The final straw was after Parker did that dumb quiz at the goading of everyone else. Some of the questions made Bucky look at him, and he had been looking right back. And other than the singular awkward comment from Steve about secrets, he didn’t do anything else. He had even gone to sit next to Parker after the quiz, leaving him and Bucky alone on the loveseat. It may as well have been permission. 

Just to be safe, Sam still waited a couple weeks, just in case the pair were simply working up the nerve. But Steve didn’t make a move, and neither had Bucky. So that’s how he finds himself here, in Bucky and Steve’s apartment while Steve is in one of his art classes. 

“What’s up?” Bucky asks, sitting on the couch and patting the spot next to him. 

Sam grins and sits next to Bucky, bumping wrists with him. “Nothing much, how’s it going with you?”

“Fine,” Bucky says, turning his attention to the TV where some rerun is muted. “I’m a little worried about the anth paper due tomorrow, but I don’t really have anything else going on.”

Sam nods, tapping his hands on his legs anxiously. He opens his mouth to say something, and then coughs into his fist instead. 

“You okay?” Bucky asks, turning his attention to Sam.

Sam nods, scratching the back of his head before sighing. He felt so confident before coming over here, he doesn’t know why he’s so nervous all the sudden. “Yeah, I’m just. I uh. I have something to tell you.”

Bucky grabs the remote and turns the TV all the way off, turning to face Sam fully. “Okay. You can tell me anything, Sam.”

Sam smiles, feeling more confident again already. He’s sure that Bucky likes him back, at least as much as he likes Steve. “Bucky…I wanted to tell you that I like you.” He looks away for a second, before smiling again. “And I wanna date you, if that’s something you wanted.”

Bucky’s eyes go wide, and he swallows thickly. “Really? You like-you like me? Me?”

Sam smirks, turning to face Bucky fully. “Yeah, Buck. I like you.”

Bucky has a smile growing on his lips, and he ducks his head shyly. “I…I like you too.”

Sam laughs softly, because they’re like a couple of schoolgirls admitting to their first crush. He would find it ridiculous, except it’s hard for him to find anything Bucky does ridiculous. “So, you’ll go out with me?”

Bucky bites his lip, sighing and leaning away from Sam. “I want to go out with you, but I have to tell you something first.”

Sam quirks a brow, scooting closer. “What is it?”

“I do like you,” Bucky starts, smiling at Sam again. “I whole lot. But I also-I also like Steve. I know that’s a little…” He trails off, fidgeting and looking away again. 

Sam only shrugs, putting a hand on Bucky’s knee. “I know you do. I don’t mind it, if you don’t.”

Bucky blinks, frowning at him. “No, I mean…romantically. Like, how I like you.”

“I know,” Sam says, a fond grin settling on his face. Bucky’s eyes flit down to see it, before looking back up at Sam’s eyes. “You can like Steve too, I don’t mind. I want to date you, I want you to be my boyfriend. But if it doesn’t work out, I want you to be my friend more. We can always go back to being just friends, I won’t have any hard feelings.”

Bucky looks confused, but he finally nods, smiling. “I want to date you too.” He scoots closer, looking back down at Sam’s lips before looking back up. “And I want to kiss you.”

Sam smirks, leaning in until their lips are almost touching. “Then kiss me.”

Bucky leans forward the last little bit, connecting their lips and moving one hand up to cup the back of Sam’s neck. 

It’s everything Sam ever thought it would be. He pulls Bucky closer, ducking his head for a better angle. Bucky’s hand tightens on the back of his neck and it sends a shiver down his spine, makes him want to get that much closer. So he does; until his folded right leg is practically in Bucky’s lap and they’re as close as this angle will allow. 

Bucky moves his free hand up Sam’s chest until it cups Sam’s jaw, and Sam leans into it, improving the angle of their kiss in the process. Sam’s hands wander, one finding a home in Bucky’s long hair and the other gently fisting the front of Bucky’s shirt to keep him close. 

Sam is the one to pull away first, his head feeling dizzy after such a perfect kiss. He laughs breathily, giddy, and Bucky echos the sentiment. “Woah,” he whispers finally, his breath ghosting Bucky’s reddened lips. 

“Woah,” Bucky agrees, his usual smirk confidently in place. “C’mere,” he says, one hand sliding down Sam’s side until it squeezes his hip, gently encouraging Sam closer. “I wanna do it again.”

Sam laughs, because Bucky is just so…Bucky. But he does, he gets up on one knee and slings his left leg around Bucky’s hip so he can rest on Bucky’s thigh. He doesn’t really feel shy, per se, but the way Bucky is looking at him right now makes him feel some type of way. He’s hooked up with people since Riley, but it’s been so long since someone liked him like this. He could get used to it, he thinks. “Well?” he prompts, a grin in his voice. “You gonna kiss me again or what?”

And oh, he does. It could have been minutes or it could have been hours, Sam can’t really remember. All he knows is that it felt good to kiss Bucky Barnes, and to sit in his lap, and to feel up his abs and let Bucky feel him over in turn. They only stopped kissing because Steve’s keys were jiggling in the lock, and neither of them want to deal with that just yet. So Sam had given him one more soft kiss, grinning at him in promise, before sliding off of Bucky’s lap and settling on the other end of the couch just in time for the door to swing open. 

“Hey, Stevie,” Bucky says, the TV turning on and remaining mute just in time. “How was class?”

“Good,” Steve says, shutting the door behind him and locking it. “We were- hey Sam- working on shading today, and that’s always my favorite part.” Sam waves at him, and Steve smiles and nods back. He looks to the TV, making a face. “Why are you watching Friends on mute?”

“Really, really bored,” Bucky answers, shooting Steve that dazzling smirk that turns anyone who sees it’s stomach into butterflies. Or maybe Sam is biased; but Steve is not unaffected either. “Plus, I’m supposed to be working on a paper, and if I keep it on mute then I’m not technically procrastinating.”

Steve blinks slowly, brain whirring to try and follow the non-existant logic. “That makes no sense at all, Buck.” He hangs up his coat and makes his way towards the kitchen. 

Bucky shrugs, waits for Steve to be out of sight before turning his smile to Sam. 

Sam smiles right back at him, getting lost in those gorgeous blue eyes. Fuck, they may be able to not tell Steve, but Steve is going to figure it out eventually if they keep this up. And Sam, for one, doesn’t want this to stop.

~

It was perfect. Okay, it wasn’t perfect; the movie they went to see sucked ass and the popcorn had been stale. But they had fun whispering about it and making fun of it, and the ice cream they got after was delicious, and Bucky had taken Sam home and kissed him at the door. 

Sam almost invited him in, but they aren’t there yet and Sam is enjoying taking it a bit slow. He wants to enjoy the puppy-love stage while it last; enjoy the novelty of it, enjoy the secrecy from their friends. 

And now they’re walking hand in hand around campus, killing time together. Steve has a class that doesn’t let out for another 45 minutes, and then the three of them are supposed to eat lunch together. 

“I like when the weather is like this,” Bucky says, soft, like he doesn’t want to burst the bubble of happiness their enveloped in. “Cooling off but not cold yet.”

Sam hums his agreement, pointing at a tree in the middle of the courtyard. “I like when the leaves start changing color but they haven’t fallen yet. ‘S pretty.”

“You’re pretty,” Bucky mumbles, and Sam laughs at him, swatting his arm playfully. “Let’s sit under it, no one else is over there.”

Sam hums, already leading them over. “You’re just full of good ideas, babe.”

“I try,” Bucky snarks, sitting in between two roots and pulling Sam down to sit in between his legs. Sam is half facing Bucky and half facing away, one leg over Bucky’s left thigh and one under Buck’s bent knee. “Comfy?”

“Hmm,” Sam says, grinning up at him. “Pretty comfy. A little chilly.”

Bucky rolls his eyes but takes the hint, wrapping his arms around Sam and pulling him just a bit closer. Sam sighs happily and rests his head under Bucky’s chin, shifing a bit to make the angle work better. “Warmer?” Bucky teases. 

“Much better,” he agrees, kissing Bucky’s collarbone gently. 

Bucky laughs softly, gently rests his chin on the top of Sam’s head. One hand rubs at Sam’s arm soothingly, and Sam curls his hands around Bucky’s arm in front of him. “You’re more cuddly than I thought you would be,” he says after a while.

Sam snorts, pulls back to look up at him. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Bucky says, kissing Sam’s nose. “Not complaining or anythin’, just saying.” He sits with it for a second, and then shrugs. “I guess you’ve always been pretty touchy with everyone, I just didn’t-didn’t take you for a cuddler.”

Sam rolls his eyes, kissing Bucky’s chin and leaning further away after. “You should stop talking. Put that mouth to better use.”

Bucky grins and wiggles his eyebrows, making Sam laugh before he shuts the both of them up by kissing Sam. Sam’s breath is still hitching with residual laughter, but he’s very quickly distracted by Bucky’s lips, Bucky’s hands, Bucky’s chest against his shoulder. 

Sam pulls away first again, because it’s like Bucky can hold his breath forever or something, jeez, and smiles at Bucky. “I-”

Bucky had been looking at him, but then his eyes flit above Sam’s shoulder and his smile disappears. “Uh oh,” he mumbles, but he doesn't sound very distressed. 

Sam turns around, tries to follow his line of sight. “What?” he asks, surveying the area. Then he sees him; Steve, cheeks pink and eyes wide. “Oh. Uh oh,” Sam mimics. Steve turns on his heel and starts walking far too quickly to be considered normal, and Sam sighs. “Well, that didn’t last very long.”

Bucky shrugs, and it feels weird around Sam’s shoulders. “He was gonna find out eventually, I guess. I wonder why he left instead of giving us shit.”

Sam looks at Bucky, unimpressed, but he doesn’t look like he’s fucking with Sam. He’s looking after Steve, lost in thought. But he isn’t racing to get up, to chase after him; no, he’s content to stay here, with Sam in his arms, just wondering. 

Sam is starting to piece together that Bucky doesn’t know Steve likes him back. Everyone knows Steve likes Bucky back, how can Bucky possibly be this oblivious. “If you wanna go talk to him-”

“Nah,” Bucky says instantly, smiling back down at Sam. “Let him figure out what he’s feeling before we ask him, I’ve learned that the hard way too many times growing up.”

Sam shrugs, moving one hand up to cup the back of Bucky’s neck. “Okay. Then, you should kiss me some more,” he unsubtly hints.

Bucky smiles, and Sam’s heart skips a beat, and oh, this is trouble. This feels an awful lot like falling love.  

~~~

Steve has a lot of friends, and his best friends are Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes. But he can’t talk to them about this, right now; mostly because this is about them.

He quickly goes through the list of people he would be willing to talk about this with. He likes Thor a whole lot, but he wouldn’t be much help here. Bruce told Steve once, when they were high at some get together, that Thor called Bruce stupid for messing around with Nat. Steve doesn’t need to be told he’s stupid right now; he knows he’s stupid. 

He doesn’t want to talk to Bruce either. Bruce is either high, angry, or he’s depressed and all three of those versions of Bruce are not very good at cheering people up. 

Wanda and Vis wouldn’t be any help at all, as much as he loves them. Wanda would just pity him and Vis would talk about how life is more than watching other people live it or some deep shit like that, probably. 

Him and Rhodey aren’t close like that, and he wouldn’t care about Steve’s turmoil even if they were. Steve always has the feeling that Rhodey likes maybe two whole people other than Tony Stark, and everyone else he tolerates. A couple psych classes together isn’t enough to get Steve on that list. 

He thinks about going to Peter, because Peter is a good friend and he’s always willing to listen and offer advice to his friends. But Peter might be too nice, and Steve really needs to figure out what the fuck is happening inside his head, even if it isn’t nice. 

That pretty much leaves Natasha, who Steve should have thought about first. She’s probably his best friend outside of Bucky and Sam, her snark and charm making him like her easily. And she likes him too, for some reason, choosing him to talk to about her struggles with Bruce and Clint. Maybe it’s time she returns the favor. 

Except for, by the time Steve gets there, he can hear her and Clint going at it through the door. Something about always doing this, and never listening, and whatnot. He knocks on the door, hears Clint loudly ask if her other boyfriend is here, wishes he could take the knock back. Natasha huffs so loud he can hear it through the door, and it’s almost a growl. She opens the door with a murderous glare on her face. “What?”

“Uh,” Steve starts, catches Clint’s eye over Nat’s shoulder. “Well, I was hoping I could talk to you about something, but it seems like a bad time…”

“I was just leaving,” Clint mumbles, hands in his pockets. 

“No you weren’t” Nat hisses, looks over her shoulder at him. “This isn’t over, you aren’t off the hook yet.” Clint rolls his eyes at her, crosses his arms over his chest. She huffs and looks back at Steve, jaw working angrily. “It is a bad time, actually. I’ll call you later, okay?”

Steve swallows thickly, nods once. “Uh…” he looks to Clint, who tilts his head at Steve with a tired smile on his face. Nat is lucky Clint is such a dick about her feelings, or he would have left her a long time ago. “Right, okay. Call me later.” 

The door is shut in his face, and Nat doesn’t even walk away from it before starting her screaming again. Embarrassing me this, walking away from me that. It would be humbling, how little his relationship problems seem to be in comparison to hers, if his problems weren’t still bothering him.

He doesn’t want to talk to Tony. He half hates the guy with his careless attitude and daddy’s money, but Tony is nothing if not brutally honest. And, Steve has run out of people to talk to, really. Plus, Steve remembers, Tony is having relationship issues as well. Kind of. And friendship issues. Is anyone in their group still talking to Tony, actually? Nat, probably. Tony could never say anything mean enough to her to scare her off; she has thick skin. His apartment is closest to Nat’s anyways. 

He’s already there before he’s decided if he’s going, and he takes a deep breath before knocking. Tony answers after long enough that Steve was considering knocking again, a scowl on his face. “Rogers,” he greets. 

“Stark,” Steve says, cocking his head to the side. “Can I come in?”

Tony narrows his eyes at the blond. “Why?”

Steve rolls his eyes, fights the surge of irritation. “Jesus, Tony, will you just let me in? What, are you expecting someone? New girl-of-the-week?”

Tony scoffs, but he opens the door wider and steps to the side. “No, I just don’t like you.”

“Feeling’s mutual, pal,” he mumbles as he steps inside, letting Tony lock the door behind him. “But you’re honest and you don’t give a shit about my feelings, and I need help figuring out my head.”

Tony laughs at that, almost genuine, eyebrows in his hair. “You want me to help you figure out your head? I can’t even figure out my own head, pal.”

Steve rolls his eyes, paces the living room floor. “I think I might be in love with Bucky,” he says instead of answering.

“Okay,” Tony says, crossing his arms over his chest. “Is that all? Took you long enough to realize that one.”

Steve makes a frustrated noise. “I saw him kissing Sam. I think they’re together.”

Tony snorts, piecing together the irony quickly, and shakes his head. “What, am I the expert of unrequited love, now? On waiting too long and missing your chance? Fuck off.”

Steve sighs again, rubbing a hand over his face. “Why did I even come here, you’re never any help. To anyone. Ever.”

Tony laughs, mean, cocks his head to the side. “What did you want me to say, Rogers? What were you expecting from me?”

“I don’t know!” Steve says, feeling his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. “I don’t know how to feel, and I don’t know what to do now. All I know is that I just figured out I’m in love with my best friend because I saw him kissing my other best friend and realized I want that.”

“So, what do you want me to do?” Tony asks, his voice lower than it was a second ago. “Like you said, I’m not known for my emotional intelligence, or my stellar friendship.” He steps closer, and Steve stops pacing to look at him. Tony takes another step, and another, until they’re only inches apart. “That’s not my reputation,” Tony says, almost a purr, and his hand lands on Steve’s chest.

Steve feels his breath quicken, and he stares at Tony incredulously. “I want-I wanted you to…”

“Hmm?” Tony asks, lifting his palm so just his fingers are on Steve’s chest. Then he moves them down, down and down and down, and Steve half wants to yell at him and slap his hand away and half wants Tony’s hand to keep going, to not stop where he does at Steve’s belt. Tony’s fingertips hook under the belt just so, and his smirk is somehow both mean and inviting all at once. “What do you want?”

“Don’t,” Steve whispers, even if he doesn’t really want Tony to stop. His brain is too foggy for this, all of his emotions are swirling around inside and confusing him. 

Tony’s hand leaves his body, but he doesn’t step away. He simply cocks his head to the side, staring up at Steve in challenge. “I’m not going to talk about your feelings, Stevie. You know that; so what do you want from me?”

“I thought…” Steve licks his lips, watches Tony’s eyes follow the movement. “I thought you said you were straight,” he asks, buying himself time.

“Do you want me to fuck you or not, Rogers?” Tony asks, and Steve is startled by the vulgarity. 

And by how much he suddenly does, in fact, want to sleep with Tony. 

Steve steps closer, and Tony has to tilt his head up a bit to look at Steve. His eyes are pretty when he isn’t wearing his glasses, a deep brown that’s warm and inviting even if the look Tony is giving him is cold and calculating. “This isn’t a good idea,” Steve whispers, hands twitching at his sides. 

Tony smirks, then, reaches up with one hand to cup the back of Steve’s neck. It isn’t forceful or pushing; just there, just encouraging. “I’m full of bad ideas, baby,” he purrs. 

~

It’s hitting Steve all at once how completely he’s fucked up. Even more than he originally thought he messed up, before he talked with Peter. Before he thought he had messed up as much as possible by sleeping with Tony. 

Don’t get him wrong, he’s aware that sleeping with someone he kind of hates isn’t a great idea. Doing so because he’s jealous of Sam and Bucky is worse. Sleeping with a guy that his friend kind of-sort of has a claim on is even worse. But telling Peter about it is by far the worst part about his astronomical fuck up. 

He had been thinking that, if it were him, he would want to know. He would want to have been told, if Sam and Bucky had just told him instead of making him watch them flirt and-

But that’s different, because Steve isn’t dating anyone new. He isn’t trying to move on, and Bucky and Sam aren’t treating him like shit. It’s so obviously a different situation that Steve wonders how he could be so self centered as to not see it.

His mother would be so disappointed in him. 

To be fair, everything about Steve’s life right now would make her disappointed. The only thing he has going for him right now is that he’s actually enrolled in college and getting good grades. Maintaining his scholarships. That’s it. 

God, he has to see her in a couple weeks for fall break. He has to face her and look into her eyes and lie through his teeth about his entire life. 

Steve rubs a hand over his face, leg bouncing rapidly. He’s just staring out the window right now, fighting the urge to grab himself a drink from the fridge. He doesn’t want to use it as a crutch like that.

Sometimes he’s jealous of his friends, like Vis and Tony. Their parents are rich, sure, and he is jealous of that; he’s more jealous that they know they’re parents don’t like them. Steve is stuck in this in between area where they like him; but would they, if they knew who we really was?

Would they still love him if they knew he left the church? If they knew he liked guys? If they knew he was an art major, if they knew he was going to be an art therapist instead of a 500 an hour one? He wants to know and he doesn’t; because he thinks he knows the answer and he isn’t sure he’ll survive it. He loves his parents, so fucking much, and he doesn’t want to see the look in their eyes as they realize they don’t love him anymore. 

“Steve?” Bucky’s voice rings, making Steve jump a foot in the air and look over his shoulder. “I’m home. Are you here?”

“In here,” Steve calls, smoothing out his pants and pulling his sketchbook closer to himself. He had been half-working on a personal piece, not anything for class. 

Bucky walks around the corner, throwing his keys in the bowl. He crosses his arms over his chest, leaning against the wall. “You wanna talk about it?”

Steve looks away from Bucky, adding a few strands of hair with his pencil. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks after a long pause.

Bucky doesn’t answer for long enough that Steve stops and looks up. When they meet eyes Bucky lets out a loud sigh, rubs a hand over his face. “I don’t know. Wasn’t sure how you would react, really. We only got together a week ago.”

Steve looks away again, deciding to add some more shadows. “You know I’m bi, right? You know I wouldn’t-”

“I know you wouldn’t,” Bucky agrees, shrugging. “Not what I meant.”

Steve runs his finger over the page, blurring the lines until it’s just solid color in the shadows. “What did you mean, then?”

Bucky sighs again, pulls the other chair at the table out and taps his fingers on his thighs. “It’s different than some guy I met someonwhere. It’s Sam. It’s our best friend.”

Steve shrugs, smudging some more shadows under the chin. “As long as you don’t break up, it shouldn’t be a problem, right? Doesn’t affect me at all.”

Bucky scoffs, scratching at the table. “Stop. I know you have thoughts about this, I saw you run away after you saw us- saw us.”

Steve fights down the surge of irritation. Bucky is being reasonable, he tells himself, he just doesn’t want to feel vulnerable. “I don’t care that it’s Sam,” Steve only kind of lies. He does care, but he doesn’t know why. Probably some unreasonable reason, the same reason why he’s mad at Bucky for dating anyone else at all. 

“So why are you mad?” Bucky asks, not taking the hint. Or maybe he knows Steve doesn’t want to talk about it and that’s why he wants to.

Steve sighs, coloring in the pupil some more. “I don’t know. I’m mad you guys didn’t tell me. Your both my best friends, and neither of you-I don’t know. I feel left out.”

“You feel left out of our relationship,” Bucky says, deadpan, and he must be in a bad mood because he’s usually more patient with Steve. 

“Yes,” Steve says, half to be honest and half to piss Bucky off. He looks up, scratching his nose, glares at Bucky. “Asshole. I meant, I’m a third wheel again and I don’t like it. I’ve never liked being your third wheel.”

Bucky looks at him, his face softening. “You aren’t a third wheel, Stevie. You’re still our best friend. And we- Sam and I agreed that if stuff gets awkward or it doesn’t work we’ll just go back to being friends.”

Steve makes a face and looks down, rubbing under his eyes and shifting the page for a different angle. “Fine, then,” Steve mumbles. He scratches his forehead, leaning back in his chair and frowning at the picture. It’s missing something.

Bucky sighs in annoyance. “Don’t be a dick, Steve.”

“What do you want me to say?” Steve asks, just as annoyed. He angrily smudges the shadows again, added more and darker streaks with his pencil to intensify them before smudging them out again. He should have brought a q-tip with him. “I told you why I’m upset.”

“I want you-Steve.” Steve rolls his eyes and looks up, scowling. Bucky mades a weird noise in the back of his throat, his breath catching. His eyes soften, and he cocks his head to the side. “You got black on your face, sweetheart.”

Steve blushes pink and rubs at his forehead where he just scratched, scowling at the back of his hand when lead comes off. “Whatever.”

Bucky rolls his eyes, stands up. “This is why I didn’t wanna tell you. Because you get all pouty when something changes.” He goes to the fridge, grabs a beer. “Want one?”

Steve sticks his tongue out at Bucky’s back, before going back to his drawing. “Sure,” he says. “And I don’t pout, I’m not Nat.”

“And I’m not Clint, it won’t work on me,” Bucky retorts, passing the beer. 

Steve grins, feeling the peace slowly be restored. “Whatever,” he says, smoothing out his shadows a bit more. 

Bucky watches him add to the drawing for a few moments in silence, sipping o nhis beer every once in a while. “So, we’re good?”

Steve looks up, scratches the tip of his nose before looking down at his thumb in annoyance. Bucky laughs, and Steve grins, rolls his eyes. “Yeah. Yeah, we’re good.”

“Good,” Bucky says. “So I can invite Sam over?”

Steve hums, looking back down at his drawing and trying to figure out what’s missing. “Yeah, sure. Order a pizza, too?”

“Sure,” Bucky says, already pulling his phone out.

[thunderheadfred]

Life stuff update!

Haven't posted about this first bit anywhere because... wow personal, but it's been a majority chunk of life lately.

Husband put in his notice at his current teaching job a while back. He's been working there for 8 years and is supposedly one of their most valued teachers, yet he barely takes home $100 more per paycheck than when he started. Plus our insurance is insane, taking most of his check every month whilst covering literally fucking nothing (we are still paying off my doctor-ordered biopsy!). PLUS his commute is fucking ludicrous - in the winter he regularly drives over 3 hours a day to a shit job that doesn't pay anything. I barely see him for a hour or two each day during the school year.

Bio clock is ticking, just saying. Never really had that baby-wanting impulse until very recently, and there was absolutely zero possibility of us starting a family while he's at this job. No money, no time, no medical support.

So. Bye. After talking to a therapist to help us through the plunge, we finally decided enough was enough.

He doesn't have another job lined up after summer school, so in August we have zero certain income. Neither off us is particularly panicked about this; the hiring wave for fall teaching positions has yet to happen, and there are several things he can do even if he can't find a full-time job at a local district.

What's looking most likely is actually that he'll juggle part-time jobs for a while. Subbing or other work at a district he's interested in will help him get a foot in the door, meanwhile an afternoon or weekend cashier job at the co-op down the street (where I used to work) has some distinct benefits. First off, he could WALK to work, and the co-op offers higher hourly rates and better promotional opportunities than his current "salaried" teaching job. Add on a big discount at the place where we buy most of our groceries anyway...

Anyway. That's been a lot.

Meanwhile I've been doing the housewife thing. Which actually entails more than just "chores" - I've been doing a huuuuge amount of work on my mental and physical health. I've lost 40 pounds (with 60+ to go) and have completely changed my eating, which has helped immeasurably with CFS, Depression, and life in general. I've started socializing again after years of serious, life-altering anxiety. Basically, I'm getting my life back. Or maybe getting my life for the first time? I was so mentally ill for so long that this really feels like the first time I've been genuinely balanced... maybe ever?

Whether that new peace of mind encourages me back into fandom I have no idea. Fandom social mores seem to have shifted over the years. Maybe it's just the glimpses I see now and then, but the Internet as a whole doesn't seem too anonymous or even like... baseline compassionate for anyone anymore. That's probably a matter of what you make of it, but even so, I'd be lying if I said spending my time in fandom spaces hasn't lost most of its personal appeal. I've been much happier offline, so that's where I've been. I do miss my friends, and I wish they lived down the street and not inside the scary computron. It'd be great to write again, but my interest in fandom work might be over. I'll never say never, but right now I just don't see it. Maybe someday I finally get back into the habit; but it's gonna happen in its own time if it does.

Lately I've been working on my YouTube thing, though where that'll end up nobody knows. It's certainly not a serious money-making prospect, nor am I aiming to make it one. YouTube actually scares the ever-loving shit out of me, so it's pretty much a deliberate mental health exercise. My whole attitude toward it has been "stress less, make more." So I treat it kind of like a journal of the nail shit that has taken over my life (lolllll), and a chance to pay forward all the relaxation I've gotten over the years watching Nail YouTube. It'd be nice if I could eventually have enough subs to maybe pay for some nail supplies or get some free PR or something, but that's about as ambitious as I get.

Okay my fingers are tired

love you byyyyyeeeeeeeeee

[a-guy-named-e]

I posted 444 times in 2022

That's 444 more posts than 2021!

56 posts created (13%)

388 posts reblogged (87%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@greatinternetllama

@s-e-v-e-n-24

@a-welcome-to-the-table-sideblog

@hibiscuslynx

@coderfortourette

I tagged 419 of my posts in 2022

Only 6% of my posts had no tags

#wttt - 338 posts

#wttsh - 338 posts

#deja queue - 326 posts

#e rambles - 16 posts

#ask game - 12 posts

#welcome to the table - 7 posts

#welcome to the statehouse - 7 posts

#screaming - 3 posts

#i love them - 3 posts

#sobbing - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 125 characters

#gov is the communal younger sibling and all of the other states are the big brother saying ''no one makes fun of him but me''

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

See the full post

27 notes - Posted August 9, 2022

#4

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: Gen Fandoms: Welcome To The Table - Ben Brainard (Web Series), Welcome To The Statehouse (Web Series) Characters: DC | Gov (Welcome To The Table), Michigan (Welcome To The Table), Ohio (Welcome To The Table), Pennsylvania (Welcome To The Table), West Virginia (Welcome To The Table), Tennessee (Welcome To The Table), California (Welcome To The Table), Texas (Welcome To The Table), Massachusetts (Welcome To The Table), Minnesota (Welcome To The Table), Florida (Welcome To The Table), Utah (Welcome To The Table)South Carolina (Welcome To The Table) Additional Tags: Non-Chronological, Flashbacks, Slice of Life, Domestic Fluff, Brief Discussions of Humanity, Vignettes

Summary:

Gov is sure that he is human. All of them are, in some way or another. But not everyone can see eye-to-eye about that.

29 notes - Posted August 7, 2022

#3

my hand slipped

62 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

#2

the states as weird things my directors have said

alabama: you have so much school spirit i almost forgot you don't know how football works

alaska: why can't you all shut the hell up every once in a while

arizona: you're the only person i'll let complain at this point. i don't think you're right, but i do think it's funny.

arkansas: you're still here? i thought you graduated. leave already, dammit.

california: i thought i was ready for the pronoun question but clearly i was not.

colorado: i don't know why he hangs out with you, all you do is smoke weed! [turns to me] you haven't started smoking weed have you?

connecticut: i will pay you seven dollars if you can get the tenors to stop giving me stupid nicknames.

delaware: yes. i know you were the first to reset. that's because you don't move.

georgia: do you know where the disembodied cougar head is? no? well then i don't know what to tell you.

florida: i never thought i'd have to say this but please do not pick up any more squirrels.

hawai'i: your disregard for authority is only funny when it's [band director], not when it's me.

idaho: i don't care what you call it, i want to know why you were arranging a marriage on the back of the bus.

illinois: i need you to do me a favor and make sure [friend] never wears that packers jersey again because next time i might strangle him.

indiana: why is it so hard for you to march slides? just turn and look at the damn cornfield!

iowa: alumni, i appreciate you coming out to watch, but please do not turn our rehearsal into a field of dreams moment.

kansas: if you make one more comment about the scenery i'm kicking you off the bus.

kentucky: you were a horse girl in a past life, weren't you?

louisiana: i know you can't dance worth shit but i need you to play like you're trying to convince someone that you can.

maine: i can't tell if you're agreeing with me or just acknowledging me but i like being agreed with so i'm going with that.

maryland: i don't trust anyone whose only experience with crab is imitation crab meat

massachusetts: i'm not technically allowed to swear around you but that was fucking terrible.

michigan: so are you just emotionally invested in awful sports teams or what?

minnesota: i know this is the midwest but can someone please bring anything other than a casserole to the pitch-in?

mississippi: i don't care who was talking, i'm telling all of you to shut up so i know i get the right one.

missouri: i know dark humor is in and all but i feel obligated to tell you that i'm a mandated reporter, so can you please make your jokes about jumping off the arch where i can't hear them?

montana: no, you may not run laps in the enchanted forest.

nebraska: it's almost the 4th, right? okay, if you can play three notes better this rep i'll run to the cornfield and check if it's knee-high for you guys.

nevada: oh my god you did not just start a poker game.

new hampshire: i don't care that it's 101°, i'm not allowed to let you be shirtless.

See the full post

76 notes - Posted October 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

idk if anyone else has gif-ed it but i think this clip is criminally underrated. why do his little finger guns make me lose it every time.

103 notes - Posted August 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[arwatchesandreads]

Serendipity’s Embrace (우연일까?)

I was really excited about this show for a while since it was advertised like crazy and I love Chae Jong Hyeop and Kim So Hyun as actors. After watching this show in one night, I have to say I’m slightly disappointed with how the show went. I expected over the top cuteness, since it was advertised as a pure romance yet I finished a little unsatisfied. Keep reading this post to find out more about the show! 

My Rating: 6.5/10

Episodes: 8

Country: Korea

Genre: Just Romance

Aired: July 22nd, 2024- August 13th, 2024

Cast: 

Kim So Hyun plays Lee Hong Ju

Chae Jong Hyeop plays Kang Hu Yeong 

Yun Ji On plays Bang Jun Oh

Kim Da Som plays Kim Hye Ji 

Lee Won Jung plays Kwon Sang Pil

Hwang Sung Bin plays Son Gyeong Taek 

Synopsis:

The synopsis of this show is so misleading on MDL (MyDramaList) so here is a proper one. Lee Hong Ju was seen giving love letters to Kang Hu Yeong, but don’t be mistaken, those love letters were from Hong Ju’s bestfriend Kim Hye Ji. They keep coincidentally meeting each other and interacting, and Kang Hu Yeong slowly forms a crush on Lee Hong Ju. However, he ends up moving to the US without telling anyone. 

10 years later he is back in Korea for business, and he somehow stumbles across Lee Hong Ju again at a cafe during a blind date. Thus continues their story 10 years later and we wonder if Kang Hu Yeong’s first love will finally come into fruition? 

This drama was adapted from the webtoon “Uyeonilkka?” (우연일까?)  which was written by Nam Ji Eun (남지은) and illustrated by Kim In Ho (김인호). 

Beware of Spoilers Moving Forward!

What Episode did the Main Couple Start Dating?

Hong Ju and Hu Yeong start to date in Episode 5. Hu Yeong confesses and kisses Hong Ju in Episode 4, however, she’s extremely flustered and keeps trying to avoid him. Hye Ji and Hong Ju talk in episode 5 about how making relationships complicated isn’t necessary since you never know what will happen and what will hurt them, so they should go for it. Hong Joo also has a dream that night where she sees Jun Oh is leaving and she tells him to stop showing up in her dream, and then Hu Yeong enters the dream and he says he’s going back to America and that she won’t stop him, and then he asks one last time if he really wants her to go. After this dream is over, Hong Joo decides she should just go for it, and tells Hu Yeong that she doesn’t want him to go back to America and kisses him. 

Hong Joo’s Past

I thought they would elaborate more on this. However, the plot point is just there to show her fear of being abandoned. They don’t add any more to this topic. I was hoping to see why her mom abandoned her, and what her aunt and uncle did after one of the scenes where they show them talking about what to do with her because the aunt is pregnant. Yet, they never go back to it. It felt disappointing to be honest that it was never explored more. 

Misunderstandings?

There are some misunderstandings between Hong Ju and Hu Yeong in episode 7. This is when Hu Yeong’s mom stirs up shit saying that he changes girlfriends too much and she’ll end up getting hurt if she stays with him. Hu Yeong also finds out that she might be working on Jun Oh’s animation project for his book and was butt hurt that she never told him. Yet, Hong Ju gets mad that he was mad about that because she doesn’t believe that he should care or that he saw how much she liked Jun Oh. 

This gets solved literally a few scenes later when Hong Joo watches two students escape from the bushes, that Hu Yeong was there during the time she escaped school to go to confess to Jun Oh and saw her cry and dread over him before. Hu Yeong also learns that she has a fear of people who leave her behind without telling her why or saying goodbye, which is why she kept putting her distance from him and always saying goodbye, since he left the last time without saying bye. 

Love Triangles?

LOL. This show is a fat love triangle/ square/ pentagon? Hong Ju likes Jun Oh, but Hu Yeong likes Hong Ju, and Hye Ji likes Hu Yeong and then I’m pretty sure Kwon Sang Pil likes Hye Ji. However, it's done very decently and doesn’t make it a big deal, if anything it just makes it more amusing. 

A little love for the 2nd Couple

The 2nd couple in the beginning I didn’t care for. However, by the end they stole my heart. I actually enjoyed their story more than the main couple because I was giggling, kicking my feet and flailing my arms in the air when Gyeong Taek finally confessed to Hye Ji. It was such a funny, yet cute moment for someone who struggled with showing his feelings outwardly. His stuttering and hiccuping and then screaming I love you three times, was just so cute. 

Then, when he finally agrees to let their relationship be known and he puts her heel on her feet, and grabs her hand and looks straight into her dad’s eyes to say “Abbu-nim, I'll take her”, and her dad at first says in a half angry voice “my daughter?” And then says super happily, “take her” and he picks her up princess style and runs away giggling that the dad accepted them, was just so funny and cute. 

Serendipity’s Embrace Ending

The show ends with a sweet scene of Hong Ju meeting Hu Yeong at the airport to accompany him on his trip to America. She uses up all her vacation days she has saved up to go with him and be with him for a while as he settles his score with his mother regarding the lawsuit. 

Serendipity’s Embrace Review- A Very Generic Romance Story

I give this show a 6.5/10. It is sweet and I love the actors, however, the storyline is overdone. The overbearing mother who is trying to force the ML to go back to America because she wants to be controlling? The FL who fears being abandoned? The Ex that left her without giving her a reason and comes back and wants her back? The romance that is all based on fate/ coincidence? It’s all over-done and has been seen before many times. Therefore, the ideas and concepts didn’t feel fresh at all. The romance itself was also not something I was super excited by, which made it a bit more disappointing. It was just a sweet watch, however, nothing felt unique. 

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Mature Rated Fics (2) Masterlist

part one

a kingdom of hearts (but not of love) (ao3) - orphan_account luke/ashton M, 12k

Summary: luke's a prince. well, a prince who loves to wear dresses and loves girly things. however, he feels though he's missing that special someone in his life. although it may just change when he meets a special prince named ashton.

or the one where luke's basically a princess, ashton is his soulmate, and things get in their fucking way before they fall in love.

angels choking on their halos (ao3) - aliciaxadrienne michael/ashton M, 10k

Summary: Fame and notoriety mean nothing when the dead are coming back to life. Or; the zombie apocalypse happens at the worst possible time and things go haywire.

Beginnings (ao3) - thenewbrokenscene michael/luke M, 45k

Summary: [College/University AU] Michael Clifford was a sophomore transfer student, trapped living in the dorms again after a technicality dropped him back down to freshman status. He had requested a single room, determined to focus on his school work, get out of university housing as quickly as possible, and start his real life, but of course, on August 1st he received the obligatory “Get to know your new roommate this summer! You can contact Luke Hemmings, freshman student, at his school email…” message in his inbox.

Whatever. Let’s just get this year over with.

Bleeding heart (ao3) - exhiled_spirit luke/ashton M, 35k

Summary: Time changes. Some would say that all of his wishes came true and in some way they did. That’s why he stopped wishing upon the stars like he did when he was a naive child. Because all those wishes led him up to this moment in time. A time where Luke stopped wishing upon a star and instead felt himself become one. Each and every day he felt his mind leaving his body and float away. It’s only a matter of time now until he’s leaving the atmosphere and becomes a floating rock himself. A rock without its glow, just a cold hard rock that no one sees and cares about.

Or Luke’s past relationship haunts his ever waking moment and everything comes crashing down during the highly anticipated Meet You There Tour.

blue gatorade & strawberries (ao3) - galacticsugar luke/calum M, 7k

Summary: “That’s actually why I’m here,” Calum says, causing Luke to frown in confusion.

“To haunt me?”

“To ask if I’m being too loud,” Calum replies with a lopsided smile. “My sister got me these badass speakers for graduation, but the subwoofer can be kind of intense, so I wanted to make sure I wasn’t bothering you.”

“Oh, are you the asshole in 314 whose bass is making it impossible for me to quietly pine after my best friend?”

Boys Only Want Love If It’s Torture (ao3) - aalexandravictoriaa michael/luke, calum/ashton M, 57k 

Summary: Luke and Michael meet at college and getting to know Michael is the best and worst thing Luke has ever done.

Butterfly (ao3) - merlypops luke/ashton, michael/calum M, 29k

Summary:Luke is depressed and Ashton makes him feel loved (and maybe Luke returns the favour too).

delete this transmission (ao3) - horriblekids michael/ashton, luke/calum M, 67k

Summary: “Yeah,” he says, catching sight of his reflection in the dimly reflective surface and running fingers through his hair to fluff it up. And instead of getting on the mag-train home like he wants to, he catches the northbound train to the greenlawn with Calum. “You know, I think I might not go through with it,” he tells his best friend, meaning his activation. They sit together across from the back doors of the car and watch the adverts for an upcoming showing of ‘Titanic’ at the interactive theater. While Calum sits beside him silently he gnaws on a thumbnail and wonders whether it’s too late to get his money back.

“You can’t go back on it now,” Calum tells him.

And it’s true: His payment has already been processed, the credits removed from his profile. The invoice showed up in his e-net overnight and he’d added it to his encrypted folder. “It’s just - weird,” he says, weighing each of the words on his tongue before he speaks. “To be in charge of another person like that. I don’t want that responsibility.”

dream makes the sounds (that carry me so far away) (ao3) - kaleidoscopeminds luke/calum M, 36k

Summary: Luke’s just got to California, on a trip to get away from his life for a while. Calum might be there for the same reason. When a chance meeting pushes them together, Luke might get more out of the four-week road trip than he ever imagined.

if you’re going to san francisco (ao3) - HeyHeyArnold, mukelftv ot4 M, 10k

Summary: In 1970s San Francisco, a rally brings together four somewhat unlikely friends. This is their story.

“Just a bunch of fucking hocus pocus.” (ao3) - pxnkspace michael/ashton M, 15k

Summary: It’s just another boring Halloween night where Ashton has to babysit his brother and sister and miss out on the biggest party of the year. Until he manages to sneak out and bump into this strange boy he keeps seeing. Ashton doesn’t believe in the supernatural. But after lighting the black flamed candle, the whole town is in for a hell of a night.

KawaiiCalPal (ao3) - TheLarryDiaries michael/calum, luke/ashton M, 25k

Summary: Calum is an adorable YouTuber known as KawaiiCalPal. He’s most known for his oversized sweaters and matching flower crowns. Also, he’s in love with the world famous punk rock band, Swallow the Goldfish. But more accurately, the lead guitarist, Michael Clifford.

Luke, Ashton, and Michael are the three band members of Swallow the Goldfish. They all happen to be jelly beans, Calum’s name for his subscribers. It’s also quite obvious that Michael believes Calum is his ‘soulmate’. It’s also remarkable as Calum is very open with his homosexuality, and love for Michael.

It really started when Calum had the opportunity to interview the band for a video.

Mashton: Undercover (ao3) - HPFangirl71 michael/ashton M, 2k

Summary: When kisses undercover lead to something more….

Paint Me In Your Sunshine (ao3) - mukeclemmings michael/ashton M, 26k

Summary: Ashton is smiling and it grows when he turns to look at Michael. Dimples, is all Michael can think and then he notices the bit of blond coloring in his hair and oh my god, is he going to be in this class everyday? Because Michael knows he won’t be able to focus on anything else with Ashton right here.

(Michael is an awkward, freshman art major who really wants to kiss the dimples of the upperclassman who sits beside him in painting class.)

paper valentines (ao3) - dafeedil michael/ashton M, 30k

Summary: It’s Valentine’s Day, and Michael and Ashton have erased each other from their respective memories, along with the entirety of the last two years they’ve spent together.

However, sometimes erasing past mistakes only means you’re ultimately doomed to make the same ones all over again.

See the World Hanging Upside Down (ao3) - tigerlily_sunshine ot4, michael/luke/calum, luke/ashton M, 117k

Summary: “You should go out with me tonight,” says Luke, and that’s not what Ashton expected at all.

Ashton’s stomach jumps to his throat. He feels a little faint, and he holds his breath. He’s a little confused. He could have sworn Luke was in a relationship with either Calum or Michael—he’s still not entirely sure exactly which one Luke actually goes home to—but it sounds an awfully lot like Luke’s asking Ashton out on a date.

It’s a miracle, really, that he doesn’t humiliate himself before Luke’s done talking, because the next few words that fall from Luke’s mouth make it entirely clear it’s not a date.

“I’ve been talking you up to Mikey and Cal for ages, and they’re dying to meet you.”

(In which Ashton pines after Luke, who is already in a relationship, and Luke really wants Ashton to meet Michael and Calum.)

something of you (ao3) - theonlyreason michael/luke M, 5k

Summary: Out of all the three, Luke had always considered Michael the closest to him. He never felt uncomfortable about the way Michael flicks his ear randomly, pushes him a bit too hard in interviews, headlocks him on their way to the stage where most of the time, he could swear he felt a muscle tear, stuff like that. It was a playful manner. Luke had always seen that in Michael, and for some ironic reason, he felt safe with it. But things start to get weird after Luke had the most erotic dream involving Michael, and he enjoyed it himself.

Stubborn Locks (ao3) - orphan_account michael/ashton M, 12k

Summary: Michael and Ashton weren’t deliberately hiding in the closet.

They just hadn’t got round to unlocking the door yet.

we’re all in this together (ao3) - cliffakitten ot4 M, 4k

Summary: “Jesus, what took you so long? Were you having a wank in there or what?” Michael laughs when Luke finally comes back into Ashton’s garage, his cheeks heating up as Michael and Calum laugh.

That was how it started. One comment. One sexually inexperienced blonde boy. One too many blushes. And one observant band mate.

when you’re up close (ao3) - toddamyanderson luke/calum M, 5k

Summary: It’s a lot more wild tonight, more free, and maybe that’s because it’s just the two of them here, dancing in a random bar in London while the rest of the band and crew are probably asleep back at the hotel. Calum’s not complaining though, he likes it when it’s just the two of them. Luke and Calum, Calum and Luke, like it always is.

[petnews2day]

Dress for Success CEO Michele C. Meyer-Shipp on burnout, career advice

New Post has been published on https://petnews2day.com/pet-news/small-pet-news/dress-for-success-ceo-michele-c-meyer-shipp-on-burnout-career-advice/

Dress for Success CEO Michele C. Meyer-Shipp on burnout, career advice

This story is part of the Behind the Desk series, where CNBC Make It gets personal with successful business executives to find out everything from how they got to where they are to what makes them get out of bed in the morning to their daily routines.

In August 2020, Michele C. Meyer-Shipp started her dream job — becoming the first woman of color to be named Major League Baseball’s chief people and culture officer.

Barely a year later, in September 2021, she announced she was stepping away. The reality was that the stress of being a diversity, equity and inclusion leader during the Covid-19 pandemic had led her to a breaking point.

The burnout had little to do with MLB, Meyer-Shipp says: Her peers at other organizations felt the same relentless exhaustion. First came figuring out how to make work happen during a global health crisis. Then, nationwide racial reckonings following the police killings of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and more.

“I was going through that as a Black woman myself, worried about my own children, worried about my own safety, worried about all of that,” Meyer-Shipp, 55, told CNBC Make It. “I was completely tapped out.”

A few months after leaving MLB, she got a call about Dress for Success. The 25-year-old nonprofit, which helps women through the job search and interview process, was looking for a new CEO.

The role came with a significant pay cut, and Meyer-Shipp was still focused on recovering from burnout. But she was drawn to its mission: Women lost more jobs than men during Covid, have stayed out of the workforce for longer and are being rehired at lower rates.

In January, she took the job. Engaging with those big issues with the limited resources of a nonprofit could stretch her thin again, but she says she doesn’t know any other way: “Every personality assessment I’ve ever taken pulls out my top quality as caring.”

Here, she discusses burnout, the country’s gender pay gap and why you should make risky career decisions like she did.

On realizing she was burned out: ‘It was firefighting every single day’

About a year into the pandemic, I remember coming home one night. One of my sons said to me repeatedly, “Mom, you look really exhausted. You just look so tired. You have dark circles under your eyes.”

I kept thinking, “God, do I look that bad?”

For 20-something years, I’d been on a hamster wheel. During Covid, I’d been in a 150% crisis management mode, unable to do the normal things I’d do as a people leader and a diversity leader. It was firefighting every single day.

I started to have health issues. I wasn’t sleeping. One of my colleagues said to me, “Michele, you’re not going to be any good to us if you’re not good to yourself.”

That’s when I knew it was time. I was physically and mentally exhausted, totally tapped out. So I stepped away, with no plan other than to take a sabbatical.

I didn’t realize until after I stopped working how tired I actually was.

On being a Black woman in a room of white men: ‘Trust me, nobody wants to assimilate’

In law school, I was the only woman, sometimes the only person of color, and definitely the only Black person in the classroom. My difference was actually my superpower.

I was able, through my lived experiences, to see things that the majority of the folks in that room did not appreciate. And when I spoke up on whatever that might be, you would see people go, “Oh wow, I never thought of that.”

People around the table, in a classroom, in a conference room, could come from different backgrounds and experiences. Everybody’s going to see something that the other person can’t see.

It doesn’t make me nervous. It doesn’t make me feel like I don’t belong, or that I have to assimilate. Look up the word “assimilate.” Trust me, nobody wants to assimilate.

I want to show up and be able to use my difference as my superpower to contribute in a meaningful way.

On taking career risks: ‘If you get too complacent, you’re not growing’

Take risks. Get comfortable being uncomfortable in your career. Volunteer for stretch assignments, join a committee or lead a project. If you get too complacent, you’re not growing.

My biggest career risk was leaving employment law. I’m the first person in my family to go to grad school, and I’m the first lawyer in my family. My parents were so incredibly proud of me.

I practiced law for 10 years, and everybody assumed that I was going to be a partner in a law firm or run a legal department somewhere. My husband was, at the time, working as a lawyer. This was our space.

Over time, I recognized that I didn’t enjoy the litigation aspects of practicing employment law. I preferred the counseling, training and advice aspects of the work. This drove me to pursue other ways to use my skill sets, and landed me a role as an Equal Employment Opportunity Officer for the New Jersey Department of Labor.

Stepping into a new role, doing something I’ve never done before, was really, really scary. I was afraid I might let my family down. I was getting into a whole new arena with a different set of colleagues to build relationships with.

But I’ll tell you, I’ve never looked back. Your best-made plans for your career may not be your endgame.

On women’s economic advancement: ‘I don’t know if the wage gap is going to be fixed in our lifetime’

The wage gap has always been an issue. I’ll be honest with you, I don’t know if it’s going to be fixed in our lifetime. I really don’t. If I hung my hat on that, I’d probably be depressed every single day.

I just tell everyone to do their best to negotiate and make sure they know the value of their work when they go in for interviews. I hope people in my former role of chief human resources officer are doing everything in their power to ensure pay equity.

The number of women who have returned to the workforce is actually back to pre-pandemic numbers. Now the issue is: Will they remain in the workforce? Will working conditions be conducive to meeting us where we’re at, and be flexible around our needs with family, and all of that?

I am cautiously optimistic.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Want to earn more and work less? Register for the free CNBC Make It: Your Money virtual event on Dec. 13 at 12 p.m. ET to learn from money masters like Kevin O’Leary how you can increase your earning power.

Sign up now: Get smarter about your money and career with our weekly newsletter

[flippedorbit]

I don’t want to fucking be here anymore I’m sick of putting up with everything and bottling up every single feeling and opinion I have and experience all to keep everyone else happy

[againstacecilia]

Wonderful Tonight

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader, modern!AU (part of the No More Wasted Time universe)

Word Count: 1.4k

Rating: Teen and up (BLOG IS 18+, THOUGH, MINORS DNI)

Excerpt: “You’re washing your hands at the yellowed and cracked sink as you hear the DJ call for Poe. A slow guitar melody weaves its way through the walls and your hands stop. Of course he picked this one, you think, finishing up and drying your hands. He’s probably trying to impress that girl he’s been flirting with at the bar. You don’t think too much about why that makes you jealous. You don’t think too much about how your heart, and the world around you, seems to stop as he starts singing.”

Warnings: Alcohol, angst, fluff, it’s a pretty light chapter.

Summary: The night before you move away for school, everyone gets together for a big send off party. Everyone, including Poe. 

A/N: This is a flashback from a memory mentioned in the very first story in this crazy little world. The song Poe sings in this fic is Wonderful Tonight, by Eric Clapton. I love this little blurb, and I hope you do too. 💖 As always, asks are always open. LOVE YOU ALL SO SO MUCH. 

What am I thinking?

Grad school started next week and tonight was your final night in town before leaving to go get settled in. You knew this was right; your decision to do a couple more years of school was the right move for your career and you were one of the lucky ones that didn’t hate what you were studying after 4 years of it. 2 more years weren’t going to kill you. 

But leaving town again might. 

Your parents were throwing you a party since this school was farther away than undergrad had been. You’d really only be able to come home for big breaks instead of whatever weekend you wanted to like the last 4 years. You were looking forward to the send-off and starting this new chapter, but you hated saying goodbye to people. It was one of the reasons you had chosen a college so close to home the first time around. But it was time to move forward and it was only for a couple more years. 

Dinner at your favorite restaurant turned into drinks at your favorite karaoke dive bar downtown. Everyone was there: your parents, your college friends, even some high school friends you’d stayed in touch with after graduating. The bartenders even got involved and had secretly helped pay for a couple of rounds for everyone before you all even got there. And then Poe walked in. 

The heat of August lingered into the night, even when the sun had set and the stars were glimmering above the bar, the sidewalks and buildings seemed to take over radiating the heat of the day. Mid-song, some pop-y number that was really taking over, you glance at the opening door from the stage; your heart stops and your face heats in a way that has nothing to do with the time of year. He looks gorgeous, dark curls cut close to his head, dark eyes already full of laughter as he greets the bouncer. You may have shown off a little more wrapping up the song. 

“Give her a hand, folks, that was incredible!” the DJ says as you give a cheeky bow and hand the mic back to him. You hop off the platform as he calls another patron to the stage and you angle your way towards Poe.

“You missed dinner, asshole,” you say, poking his side as you sneak up behind him. 

He hands you a drink and says, “My boss gave me a project that just had to be done today, I’m eternally sorry your Highness.” 

You stick your tongue out at him. He laughs and clinks his glass against yours before taking a drink.

“I guess I’ll forgive you this time. I’m just happy you could make it out at all.”

“I wouldn’t miss this for the world,” he says, eyes never leaving yours. “Gotta remind you who really is the better karaoke star between us.”

You feel the flush creep back up your neck and turn to face the stage, sipping your own drink. “Keep dreaming, flyboy, you heard how good I sound tonight.”

He gives you a wink before sauntering through the high tables to where your party has taken over a section of booths. It gives you enough time to take a breath before you’re following. 

The night progresses like any other Friday night. Poe really does bring his A-game, earning thunderous applause after each song. A couple of duets happen between the two of you, making up harmonies and lyrics to songs you’d been singing together since you were kids. Before you knew it, it was 1:00 am and most people had called it a night. 

There was a growing part of you that didn’t want the night to end. Didn’t want to have to go home to a packed-up apartment, even if you had to be up early to start your 8-hour drive North to school. The end of tonight really was the end of this chapter in your life, and you wanted to hang on to every second as long as you could. 

“Alright folks, let's give it up for Henry! Henry, please come up to the stage, you’re up next!” the DJ called for your friend and you cheer with the rest of your dwindling group as the intro to Bon Jovi’s Runaway begins to pump through the speakers. A collective groan sighs through all of you, this was about to be terrible in the best way. Henry gives you all a loving middle finger before posing and begins singing. 

“This seems like a good time to use the bathroom,” you laugh to your friends. You make your way across the bar to the bathrooms and wait in a short line before it’s your turn. 

You’re washing your hands at the yellowed and cracked sink as you hear the DJ call for Poe. A slow guitar melody weaves its way through the walls and your hands stop. Of course he picked this one, you think, finishing up and drying your hands. He’s probably trying to impress that girl he’s been flirting with at the bar. 

You don’t think too much about why that makes you jealous. You don’t think too much about how your heart, and the world around you, seems to stop as he starts singing. All you think about as you leave the bathroom and walk back is the way his voice skitters across your bones. The way you’ve heard him sing this song your whole life but how it feels completely new. 

You make your way to a pillar holding one of the tvs and stop to watch him sing. His eyes are closed, hands gently cradling the mic near his full lips as he croons,

I feel wonderful, because I see the love light your eyes,

Then the wonder of it all is that you just don’t realize

How much I love you…

And his eyes open, gaze immediately locking with yours, world coming to a screeching halt. He looks at you, looks into your soul, and there’s no one else. The room seems to empty as the song draws to a close…

And then I tell her, as I turn out the light,

I say, “My darling, you were wonderful tonight.”

“Oh, my darling, you were wonderful tonight.”

The applause from the bar brings you back and you somehow manage to clap along with them. Somehow manage to remember to breathe as Poe quietly hands the mic to the DJ without breaking eye contact with you. He nods his head toward the door to the patio and slips away, you follow. 

Those stars are still twinkling away as you step through the door onto the empty patio. Poe is leaning against the rail surrounding the concrete slab with his back to you, face tilted toward the sky. The soft glow of the moon caresses the angles of his face. 

“Hey,” you whisper as you come to his side and lean against the wood. “That was great.”

A small smile lights his face. “Had to pull out a classic, you were on fire tonight. Couldn’t let you show me up.” He nudges you with his shoulder. 

You chuckle. “Well you sealed your victory with that one, Poe.”

Companionable silence surrounds you as you both look again at the sky. Dawn is still hours away, but the full moon lights the night enough to make out every emotion you see on Poe’s face out of the corner of your eye. What they mean, you can’t tell, but his normally controlled mask is long gone. 

Finally, he turns his body to face you. He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something, before closing it again and looking at his feet. You’d never seen him at a loss for words.

“You okay?” You ask, turning your head towards him. He takes a steadying breath before looking back up at you. The vulnerability in his eyes knocks the breath from your lungs. 

“I…” He closes his mouth again, shaking his head. “I gotta go. Drive safe tomorrow. Er, today.” He presses a kiss to the top of your head and leaves, flagging down one of the taxis parked along Main Street. 

You watch as the taxi pulls away, hand on your chest. You shake off the feeling of his lips on your hair and step back into the bar. 

After you get home that night, your phone lights up. You open the message from Poe that says:

“You really were wonderful tonight.”

[heejojo]

Love Isn't Beautiful But With You It Was

✰ summary: y/n and niki's journey from being enemies to friends to much more than that.

✰ pairing: Niki x fem!reader (and a Jay apperance)

✰ genre: fluff, angst, enemies to childhood friends to lovers

✰ warning: a few sad scenes but I'm not sure they'll be too bad! death

✰ word count: 1.8k (the most so far tbh)

a/n: this is my first fanfic so please leave comments about what should be improved. if you have any requests feel free to leave them! it's past 12am now and I need to sleep but I hope you have a nice day!

prompt gotten from @moonlight-chi77 thank you!

“Love isn’t beautiful but with you it was”

Life disappears in the blink of an eye, but the memories created and the human connection formed does not. The memories created are embedded in our hearts and follow us through different paths of life. Whether those memories are good or bad, they become something we reflect on in later moments.

Nishimura Riki couldn’t exactly remember the first time he met you but all he knew was that he had never hit off with someone the way he did with you.

September 2012

Although Niki couldn't pinpoint the exact date you guys started talking, he knew it was in September of 2012. He knew at first he disliked you and wanted nothing to do with you because you had stolen his spot on the swings.

“That's my spot, I told Jay I was going to stay here forever,” he said while his friend who was behind him nodded enthusiastically, backing him up.

“Your name is not on it and you didn’t buy it so why should I leave?” you asked him without coming down because you got there fair and square.

“I called dibs on it,” he said while puffing out his chest.

“Dibs are for babies,” you say while continuing to swing. “I’m not a baby,” he retorts.

“If you say so, then why are you wearing a Talking Tom T-Shirt?” you ask and his face begins to turn red. “It's cool, isn't it Jay?” he nudges his friend asking him for support. “Cool man, girls just suck” Jay responds and they both leave. “At least I dress myself!” you yell at their retreating figures

After that day, Niki made it his mission to disturb you every day and never wore his Talking Tom shirt again after that day.

August 2016

“Niki!!” you screamed as you felt another water balloon hit your leg. At this point, your entire body was soaked. The young boy continued to laugh and run as you chased him. You were beginning to regret spending your summer break with him when you could be watching TV instead. Eventually, you give up chasing the blond-haired boy and go into the house to dry off. Thirty minutes later, Niki comes in with a bottle of orange juice as a form of apology. You snatch it without further thought and drink it. Looking up at him after you finish drinking it, you both burst into a fit of laughter. “You’re lucky I love food,” you say. Maybe spending the summer with him wouldn't be so bad.

December 2018

Your crush on Niki was painfully obvious to everyone but him. Your friends teased you, his friends teased you yet when you were together you denied it with so much vigour. Niki had liked you for a few months now. Everyone was enjoying the slow burn that was going on between the two of you; the soft glances across the room, the way you always looked for each other among crowds, the way he knew where your secret birthmark was even though your close friends didn’t.

It was the way you complimented each other that made everyone cringe and aw at the same time. The jacket you got him for his birthday was his most prized piece of clothing and the only person he let touch it was his mum. This year though, you gathered enough courage and told him how he meant to you and how you were content with being just friends even if it hurt a little. But you weren’t expecting Niki to say he felt the same way, even more so. Your friends heaved a sigh of relief and choruses of ‘Finally’ were echoed.

It felt good being with someone.

January 2019

Everyone argued with people they loved right? Your parents did, the old lady that sells fruit and her boyfriend did so you and Niki weren’t an exception. After being childhood friends for so long you’d think you could trust each other enough to talk about the things that bothered you but he refused to, claiming that he didn’t want you to see him in a different light and how it would hurt his pride. You would tell him that no one knew him more and cared about him the way you did. At times, you’d let it go not wanting to push him but that day you couldn’t take it.

“We need to talk. Why have you been avoiding me these past few days?” you asked him.

“I’ve just been busy” he replied.

“No, you’ve been avoiding me. I know you well enough to know when you're hiding something” you said.

He wouldn't budge, he never did especially when you cornered him like this. He started to get irritated and said, “I said I’ve been busy so forgive me if I can’t give you attention all the time. Not all of us are as clingy as you” You winced; it was your fault for pushing him to the edge like that. Nevertheless, you wouldn't give up. “ I just want you to say how you feel and what bothers you. I’d never look at you in a different light and you know that. You might want to be strong but it’s okay to show some sort of emotion, it doesn’t make you weak rather it makes you look like someone that acknowledges what is wrong and doesn’t try to ignore the problem or solve it on their own” you comforted him. As the words entered his ears, you could see the walls surrounding his heart crumbling. “It’s okay to ask for help or just to rant to someone. Even if we won’t be able to provide an immediate solution, it should help” you added taking a few steps forward and grabbing a hold of his hands. You squeezed them tightly.

“I...I’m just scared you’ll leave once you see the not so perfect side of me” he managed to say. “I will stay with you, why don’t we make the best of everything without worrying about the future?” you asked while smiling. He returned it and pulled you in for a hug. “Thank you, truly,” he said and you smiled under his embrace.

After a few minutes you spoke up, “Oh yeah, Niki?” you called his attention and he hummed in response. “Don’t ever shout at me like that again, I can deck you and you know it” you said.

“Got it, boss. Sorry for being a jerk”

June 2020

You usually went on diets and exercised a lot but you were losing weight at an extreme rate and you weren’t even on a diet. Niki was worried but you brushed it off telling him it was stress from school but it got worse. You found it difficult for you to balance yourself, you felt nauseated, getting even more frequent headaches and being tired all the time so Niki decided that enough was enough and took you to the hospital. Neither of you had expected the result of the scans that were run.

“I’m sorry but there is a tumour in your brain,” the doctor said. The air left your lungs. “You can choose to get the surgery and live in the hospital for 8 months or live with the tumour for 3 months” he continued. You thanked him and left the hospital. The elephant in the room was very much alive and neither one of you wanted to address it. Did you want to stay in the hospital for the rest of your life or did you want to say with your loved ones? You thought that they would go through and that won’t be worth it.

“Niki” you called out.

He looked at you with a sad smile and just pulled you in for a hug, careful not to hurt you. “Do you want to tell your parents?” You nodded. You couldn’t just leave without saying anything. Picking your jacket, Niki drove you to your parents house.

“I just wanted you guys to know, I couldn’t just leave without saying anything,” you said with your eyes cast downwards. You couldn’t bear to look at your mom who was already crying or your dad who was blaming himself even when it wasn’t his fault or your sister who was basically your best friend. Niki had given you guys privacy but you knew it was just an excuse for him to be with his own feelings.

“I’m going to stay close to home in the meantime so I can be closer to you guys,” you said. Your eyes were already becoming glossy with tears. You inched towards your mom, taking her hand in yours and said, “You did an amazing job of being my mom and I love you so much”. Moving to your dad, you said “You did a good job of protecting me so don’t think otherwise. Let’s make all the memories we want to now without any regrets”. At that, your sister burst into tears “I… I can’t bear to lose you” Your heart clenched. “I can’t bear to lose you too” She continued crying. Your mom wiped her eyes and said, “From today, live the way you want to. Eat what you want and do what you want.” From the corner of my eye, I saw Niki staring watching the whole scene. After an hour, I stood up and went home with Niki. The car ride was a long and awkward one. When we got home, we just slept hugging each other.

Starting tomorrow I was going to live.

July 2020

The pain is getting worse but the smiles on my family and friends faces are enough to keep me going. I wrote letters and got gifts for them. Niki looks at the calendar every day, I can’t tell him to stop because I can tell he’s hurting so much. Why can’t I just be okay for everyone?

August 2020

The time comes faster, Niki and I went on a getaway for a few days. He deserved a break from everything that has been going on.

September 2020

I never thought I'd die as silly as that sounds. I asked my parents and sister to leave when I got to the hospital. Niki refused to leave and stayed there till I took in my last breath. He kept crying begging me not to go and how he’d do anything.

“Does it hurt a lot?” he asked between sniffles

“No it doesn’t, it just feels like a needle” it hurt like a truck.

“Liar”

I chuckled and held his hand till I couldn’t anymore. “I love you’’ I say as the lights fade.

╔═*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*═╗

Dear Nishimura Riki,

When you see this, it means I’m already gone. First of all, don’t beat yourself up too much. I could write for ages about how much I love you but now that I need to, my mind goes blank. You’ve done so well for putting up with me, hats off to you. You might not want to but move on, even though id like you to remember me; let your heart heal and be happy.

Take care of yourself and don’t skip any meals. Eat well and be happy, make sure you visit the places we never got to visit and enjoy yourself. Live life the way you want it every day. Be nice to people and smile more.

Thank you for all the happy memories, my love, I’ll be forever grateful for you. You made my life colourful and worth living.

Love isn’t beautiful but with you it was.

Yours truly,

Y/N.

[serenityseventeen]

♪ The Last Day of Summer With You

Vernon Chwe/Choi Hansol : Stargazing

“Is this where you wanted to come?” Vernon asked, staring at the empty fields of seemingly endless green grass through the car window.

Night was approaching and you two arrived at this strange yet peaceful location right after sunset. On the way here, you insisted on driving, allowing Vernon to watch the passing sunset.

“What's with that tone? Do you not like it? Is it too basic for a last day of summer hangout?” You asked jokingly, getting out of the car.

Vernon quickly followed out while shaking his head. “No, I like that it's basic. The breeze is nice up here too.”

You looked over at Vernon with a smile, putting the car keys in your pocket. You knew that Vernon was quite simple, he preferred comfort over fancy and quiet over loud, so for the last day of August, you decided to take him to this place. It was a plains area with semi-tall grass and you were able to get a beautiful view of the mountains from here.

“This place is usually packed during the summer,” You said, walking to stand next to Vernon who was busy having his jaw dropped from the stunning scenery. “That's why I wanted to take you here at the end of summer so that it wouldn't be so crowded.”

“It sure is beautiful here,” Vernon said, turning to you with a thankful smile and his arms wide open. “Thank you so much for taking me here. You surely know me best, Y/N.”

You smiled shyly. Whenever your boyfriend said things like that, your heart would go crazy, jumping from joy. You didn't hesitate to walk into his arms and press the side of your face against his chest, your arms wrapping around his waist as his large hands patted your back.

“It's not just the valley that I want you to see. Wait until night falls, that's when the beauty of this place truly comes to life.”

“Oh really?” He replied, his nose sniffing the beautiful fragrance of your hair.

In his head, he was thinking that maybe this large field of grass had fireflies. However, he wanted it to be like a surprise, so he decided not to think about it anymore and instead, laid down against the grass with you. You took out your phone and began playing some music; a mix of sentimental and nostalgic songs you picked, along with some of Vernon's favorites.

“You really know how to set the mood,” Vernon said, chuckling at how perfectly the song fit the atmosphere. “But are we just going to lay here though?”

“My main purpose for taking you here was to talk with you. You know, like how we always talk before bed, or when we're watching a movie but get distracted by our conversations that begin in the middle.”

Vernon smiled. His arm was under your neck and you had your arms wrapped around his waist as you two cuddled in the grass field.

“I always appreciated that you listened to me. Even if I don't say anything, you always know how I feel,” Vernon giggled softly for a reason that you didn't know. “Is this what you call soulmates?”

You smiled. “I guess so. I have to thank you too, Vernon, for always being by my side. You proved to me that there is hope for me even in the darkness where I can't see anything. There were so many times where it seems like I fell in a pit and couldn't climb back out, yet, each time, it's like your hand reaches for me and pulls me up.”

Vernon nodded with an embarrassed smile. He caressed your hair and wanted to just close his eyes.

You both didn't know how much time went by. Whenever you two talked like this, you guys would always lose track of time. Your eyes were closed, your arms were holding each other, and your bodies were pressed comfortably together, against the grass that swayed in the passing wind.

The conversation went on for who knows how long, you and Vernon were just thanking each other for the dumbest things, tossing back and forth the words “no, I am more thankful for you”. Finally, you both decided to end that little battle with giggles.

“I love you,” You said softly, holding him a little tighter. “I love you so much, Vernon.”

“Me too.”

You laughed a little. “Can't you say ‘I love you, Y/N’ instead of saying ‘me too’?”

Vernon giggled and said, “Okay, I love you, Y/N.”

Satisfied, you gently opened your eyes.

The surprise was ready. You didn't expect Vernon to have his eyes closed like this, but in the end, it worked out well in your favor regarding the surprise. You had only closed your eyes in the first place because you saw Vernon doing it.

You sat up from the floor and patted his knee. “Look...”

Vernon opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was a long strand of grass stuck to your hair, so the first thing he did was pluck that piece of grass out.

You turned to him and did the same, ruffling his hair, allowing the particles of green to dust off. You smiled, cupping his face. “Now, look up.”

“Up?”

Vernon, with your hands still on his face, lifted his head to face the sky, being met with a starry night. Stars were glistening, twinkling, beautiful and white, spread out amongst the black sky, almost like a painting. The moon was round and beautiful as well. It looked like he was viewing the galaxy through pictures on Google, but instead, the galaxy was shining right down on him. Mixed with black, blue, and purple, the sky was art on its own.

Vernon's jaw dropped as your hands slipped away from his face. “Wow.”

You brought your knees to your chest and placed your palms together, in a praying motion. “Quick, make a wish!”

Vernon turned to you and smiled, copying your pose. Silence passed through as you both made a quiet wish, with only the crickets chirping.

“What did you wish for?” You asked, turning to Vernon who already had his eyes open, breaking the silence between you two.

“Simple things, just to be with you forever, have you stay healthy and happy... you know, just that kind of stuff,” Vernon said, scratching the back of his neck shyly. “What about you?”

You buried your face in your knees shyly. You two were definitely soulmates.

Vernon whined, scooting a bit closer to you. “Come on, tell me.”

“The same thing you wished for,” You replied, your voice muffled. “Instead, I wished to stay with YOU forever, and have YOU be healthy and happy.”

Vernon laughed. “Oh, seriously??”

You both laughed as you lifted your head. Vernon wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer to him again.

You both stared up at the sky with smiles.

“The moon is beautiful, isn't it?” You said softly, staring at the moon. It was so round and bright, with the stars surrounding it, making it shine even more.

“Wonwoo told me that that phrase indirectly means ‘I love you’.”

“Well, I do love you,” You replied, pecking him on the cheek. Your hands were wrapped around your knees.

Vernon smiled. “I love you too.”

Vernon planted a kiss on your forehead and then turned to the sky again, gazing at the beautiful night sky. His hand rubbed your shoulder softly as your head laid gently on his shoulder.

There was a comfortable silence.

Under the galaxy-like sky, holding each other, you and Vernon beautifully ended this last summer night.

-----------------

© serenityseventeen

a/n: The Dino fic I'm working on might surpass 16k words at this rate; I've tried to lower it a little but currently, it's as 11k words. + In the soop tomorrow! I'm so excited for it! I also plan to binge the new short kdrama D.P. + After I finish this tldoswy series, I'll close my requests because I want to work on them, plus, school is coming soon. My younger siblings already started.

[softtransbf]

Fresh Blood, Old Scars Part 1

You'd disappeared 15 years ago without a trace- what's Yancy supposed to do when you walk into Happy Trails Penitentiary and don't recognize him, because he's transitioned? canon compliant trans!yancy/reader

Reader: he/him trans man, no physical description

Rating: T

Warnings: mentions of violence, canonical and parental. deadnaming and misgendering before either of you came out (none by anyone who knows the correct name/pronouns)

Word Count: 2,690

“Hey Yancy, I heard there’s fresh blood comin’ in today for some sorta museum heist.”

“Oh? Know anything else about these guys, so we can give ‘em a proper welcome, Bambam?”

“I know some. The first guy, Mark Iplier, claimed to have been in charge of the whole thing, but from what my sources said, it’s the partner that ran the show- just real quiet-like. I’ve been told that he don’t say a word.”

“Got a name for this, uh, silent partner?” He chuckled at his joke.

“Y/N L/N.” Yancy’s stomach dropped the way it always did when he heard that last name, your last name. Get your shit together. Wrong first name, and Bambam said he and his. Bambam don’t use pronouns other than they/them unless they’re sure. It’s just some guy with the same last name.

“Yance, you okay?” Tiny waved his hand in front of Yancy’s face.

“Yeah, yeah, just, uh, thinkin about how best to greet dese guys. The usual, wit Don’t Wanna Be Free ready just in case?”

“Right off the bat? You really think they’re that high of a flight risk?” Sparkles finally spoke up.

“I, uh, I don’t trust dem silent-types. They’s always schemin’, got somethin goin ahn in their heads.” And if he's anything like- yeah. Gone before you know it.

“Okay, if you say so. I’ll go let the others know.” Yancy didn’t even register who was speaking; he was too lost in memories.

- 15 years earlier-

Yancy knew it wasn’t cool to be excited for the first day of school when you’re a senior in high school, but he didn’t care. He didn’t need or even want to be cool- all he needed was to be your friend. Well, maybe not just friend. You’d been gone for almost the entire summer, and he’d spent the whole time figuring out how to both ask you out and tell you that he’s a guy.

He practically skipped across the street to your house so you can walk to school together, like you had every day since middle school. He knocked- nothing. Rang the doorbell- still nothing. He checked the back door and the spots where you had hidden spare keys over the years- nothing. All the curtains were drawn, too, so he couldn’t see inside. He kept trying as long as he possibly could before he had to sprint to make it to class just barely in time. All day, he kept an eye on the door, waiting for you- the two of you made sure to sign up for the exact same schedule before you went on your vacation. At lunch, he went to the office to see what he could find out.

“Y/DN isn’t a student here anymore- Mr L/N just told us last week.”

“What? Do you know where they went?”

“I’m sorry, hon, I don’t. All I know is that Y/DN is no longer a student here.”

He’d never ditched a class in his life, but that was the last thing on his mind as he ran home, crying. He didn’t stop crying for weeks.

-Present -

He’d never wanted to be wrong more in his life, but there you were. Looking better than he’d ever dreamed, following Mark around silently as he blabbered on about wanting to rally the other inmates to try to break out. No. I lost you once, and it cost me everything. I’m not about to lose you again. He quickly spread the word to skip pleasantries with the new guys and prepare for the song. As he was, you made eye contact with him from across the room. His heart dropped; you didn’t recognize him. You looked right through him, with the same calculating expression you gave everyone else. Of course he wasn’t gonna recognize you, dumbass. You’ve been on hormones for years and have had top surgery. Usually Yancy loved that he couldn’t see anything of the person he used to be in the mirror, but today he hated it more than anything in the world. Stick to the plan, Yance. He doesn’t recognize me, but it might be better this way. This way, I can get him to stay and get to know me as I am now, and he won’t be disappointed that I haven’t become anything like what we dreamed of so long ago.

Yancy couldn’t have planned it better, Mark practically begging Jimmy to punch him through the wall right before the show started, leaving you alone.

The number went great, as always, but then you showed him a picture of your parents. He knew that picture; you took it when the four of you went on a vacation together before you started your freshman year of high school. He also knew that he had once been in the picture, but you’d cut him out. The tape and staples that had been holding his heart together since you left fell away.

He stuck with his usual response to people citing family for wanting to leave, for the most part. No one at Happy Trails knew about you, and he’d killed his parents before they could leave him, so he’d kept his true abandonment issues to himself. Face to face with you after all these years, though, he couldn’t stop himself from adding “they’re always just gonna leave you behind” and a warning about trifling with the past. You flinched a little at both of those, and a spark of hope ignited in his chest- maybe you hadn’t forgotten about him, even if you didn’t recognize him now.

Then you still chose to leave. The rest of the rather single-sided conversation was a blur to him. Later, as he was tending to his injuries in solitary, he remembered calling you handsome and/or beautiful and your blush when he did. And, of course, you knocking him flat on his ass. He’d challenged you to a fight, because he’d always been able to beat you before. The part that truly left him confused, though, was why he offered to help you break out.

All he’d wanted for the last fifteen years was to go back to the day you left and beg you to stay. He’d told himself dozens, maybe hundreds, of times that if he ever saw you again, he’d do everything in his power to keep you with him. On his darker and angrier days, he truly meant everything. But here you are, and he offered to help you leave. This is what you get for even hoping someone might stick around. Let’s just do this. I gotta stop in with the warden first, though…

“Me? Out there? With you?” He chuckled. You had no idea that, with that simple gesture, you offered him everything he’d wanted for so long. Fuck, I don’t deserve him. I still love him, but he deserves someone better than the angry, selfish man I am. The fragments of his heart splintered even more. “I, um. I done a lotta bad things. And, uh.” He made himself brighten up. “This is home! For now, anyway. Maybe next time parole comes up, I’ll, uh” take it and go find you like I should have fifteen years ago. And I’ll spend every minute until then trying to become the kind of man you deserve. “Anyway, I gotta get back to it. You take care now, you hear? And, hey, visitation! Every third Sunday!” You looked down at the box you’d brought with you, and he ran. When he got back to his cell, he cried genuine tears for the first time since that August day when his world turned upside down.

- 2 weeks later, visitation day -

He knew hoping you’d come was a waste of time, and that he was just setting himself up for more pain. He’d learned the hard way that when you were gone, that was that. But still, there he was, looking up every time a guard walked into the room. As expected, they never called his name. The rest of the inmates gave him a wide berth as he went back to his cell for the night, and they were right to. He was itching for an excuse to fight. No one gave him one, though, so he told himself he’d find one tomorrow and got ready for bed.

When he got to his cell, it took him just one second to realize there was someone on his bed, pull them off, and shove them against the wall. It took him three more to process that it was you, and then another five to step back and let you go.

“Sorry for scaring you, Yancy. I didn’t mean to. It’s just… it’s visitation day, but I’m still wanted for the escape you helped me pull off, and I haven’t decided if I want to come back for good or not.” He stood there, frozen. You chuckled nervously. “I get it, your turn to be the quiet one. I’m sorry about that, by the way. There was a lot to process all at once, and I just kinda shut down when I get overwhelmed.”

I know. I remember that you didn’t say a single word our first day of high school, Yancy wanted to say. He wanted to say something, anything, but you being there and so close was just too much.

“Okay, so, honesty time; there’s a specific reason I came back.” You took a deep breath. “I haven’t been able to shake this feeling that I know you, somehow. But I know I’d remember meeting you- no way I’d forget someone like you. Anyway, I'm probably way off base and ridiculous. I guess I just wanted to tell you?” You ran your hand through your hair. “God, that sounds even flimsier than it felt in my head. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It, uh. It means a lot that you came back to say that.”

“Uh, Yancy? What happened to your accent?”

“Shit. Um. C’mere.” He muttered, as he sat down on his bed and pulled you down next to him. He prayed that you couldn’t hear how his heart started racing when he noticed your knees were touching. “No one here knows that the accent isn’t how I always speak. Not even the warden. I’ve been here five years and haven’t dropped it once. Anyone learns about this, and you’re dead, understand?” He knew that the threat was empty, but you seemed to believe it.

“Yeah, yeah, I do, don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me. I gotta ask, though- why fake it? It seems like a lot of effort. You don’t owe me an explanation, of course, but since you’re heart-on-your-sleeve about your parents, it must be one hell of a reason. I bet it’d feel good to let it off your chest. I can promise to leave and never come back if you do- a burden shared is a burden halved, and if I’m gone, you can be 100% sure no one here will know.”

He took a deep breath. “Something flipped my world on its head, and I needed to distance myself from who I was before. That’s an odd phrase, though- ‘a burden shared is a burden halved’. Where’d you pick that up?”

“Oh, um. The mom of someone I loved a long time ago used to say it a lot. It just kinda stuck, I guess.”

“Loved, huh? You break their heart, or did they break yours?” Yancy was surprised he got the words out without his voice shaking or cracking. You were silent for a long time, and Yancy was sure he’d pushed too hard and you would completely shut down or, worse, leave altogether.

“Sorry, I haven’t talked about this… ever." Your voice shook. "I’ve never talked to anyone about this. I don’t know if I was loved back, but if so, I was the heartbreaker. I didn’t mean to be- I couldn’t control having to leave, and I didn’t know I wasn’t coming back until it was too late. I couldn’t say goodbye. I’ve hoped every day for the last fifteen years that my feelings were unrequited, though. I’m happy to have the pain of an unrequited first love if it means she wasn’t heartbroken.” The incorrect pronoun stung a bit, but you didn’t know, and you’d loved him back all those years ago. He was invincible.

“Have you tried reaching out? Even if your feelings were one-sided, I think you owe it to both of you to say them, at least once.” He reached out and took your hands without thinking. You didn't stop him, and he felt like he could fly.

“I tried, actually. About eight years ago, I'd, uh, escaped and was finally an actual person again after everything that was done to and taken from me, so I started looking for her. But it’s like she vanished off the face of the earth five years to the day after we were separated. It’s actually how I met Mark- I got into some deep and shady shit looking. I only gave up last year. Nothing turned up in seven years of searching, so I have to figure that she did something incredibly stupid a decade ago and got herself killed.”

“I didn’t die. Just the name did.” Yancy breathed. A half second later, he realized he’d said it out loud, and his heart stopped. You took your hands out of his and scooted away.

“Yancy. Are you trying to tell me that you’re- that we- oh my god. It is you. I knew I knew you. Everything else is different, but I should have recognized your eyes. I guess some part of me did. But you- I- I thought you were dead.”

“As you can see, I’m not dead, Brain. And for the record, your feelings were definitely not one-sided.” He reached out and cupped your cheek with one hand.

“Shit, Pinky, it really is you.”

Yancy had dreamed about how seeing you again would go in a million different ways. Not a single one of those included you practically jumping into his lap and kissing him with a lifetime's worth of love and want.

He let out an undignified whine when you broke the kiss. “Wait, wait. You knew from the second I walked in here who I was, didn’t you? You tried so hard to stop me from leaving… but then you helped me do just that. You chose to stay here when I asked you to come with me. Then I came back, and you got me to say all those things… And we’re both trans and wound up here? This is all just. So much. I can’t- I can’t do this.” You got off his lap and scooted to the far end of the bed.

“What are you saying, Y/N? That you’re leaving? Again?” He couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice.

You stood up and faced him. “You do not get to play that card. You don’t know how much I went through trying to find a way to tell you I was sorry, that I didn’t know that the trip was a permanent one until we were on the other side of the country. Dad said that I'd never see mom again, and he’d kill me if I tried to get in touch with you or anyone else from back home. He broke my arm to prove he meant it. I can’t stay here to unpack all of this. I have to go. But you can come with me. I mean it even more now than I did last time. I’m not leaving you, I’m leaving here.”

You walked to the cell door and looked back at him with a sigh. “But I know you, and you have a family here. I’ll get you my address- it’s your turn to come to me, when you’re ready. I’ve waited 15 years to be with you again, what’s a little bit longer?” Without giving him a chance to respond, you kissed him again and were gone.

[feuqueerfire]

Feu's August 2022 BL/GL Wrap-Up

A little monthly wrap-up of all the shows I’ve watched or am watching in August 2022, general thoughts, ranking of them all.

Recommendation of the month: Badhaai Do

Some delightful queer brown people. Comedic and touching.

Ranking

Badhaai Do

Love Mechanics

Magic of Zero: Zero Photography = Our Skyy: Cause You’re My Boy = Girl Next Room: Richy Rich

Ocean Likes Me

Unrated: The Gifted (original 1h video), Triple: Do You Want?, the random 18 Again scenes rewatch, The Eclipse for now

DNF/Skimmed: Cause You're My Boy, En of Love: This Is Love Story, Y-Destiny Ep 3 & 4 (Sun & Nuea ie MaxNat), Dear.M

bro what a weird watching month where I dropped/skimmed a bunch of things and also watched 2 episodes from 2 different anthologies but didn’t finish either anthology. My “Watched” BL list for MDL is so empty this month because The Gifted movie and Girl Next Room aren’t BLs and Badhaai Do isn’t on MDL lol. Love Mechanics and Ocean Likes Me really holding it all down (+ that short scene from Triple).

Completely Watched

'Cause You're My Boy - Dropped

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Jun 23, 2018 - Sep 22, 2018

Dates Watched: Aug 1 - 5, 2022 (kind of)  

Rating: N/A /10

Watched Via: Youtube (GMMTV)

General Thoughts: Momentous BL only in the sense that it’s the first one I’m deciding to drop (on Aug 08, a 3 whole days since I made any effort to continue watching). I’m kinda in a slump and if I force myself through 7 more episodes of this (even by skipping + speeding up) it’s just gonna make it worse. I stopped at Episode 5, which is when they’ve gotten together and it’s all happy, so I’m not like curious at all about what happens next lol. I really like how differently the characters are portrayed than most other BLs (they are in high school and one of them sells porn for a side income, there's even some shorts he used to jerk off, etc like they have vulnerable sides, playful sides, thoughtful sides to them but also they're horny teenage boys or at least not innocent .it made me feel all ~gendery~ in a different way than Cupid's Last Wish did and made me regret the fact that I was never a teenage boy), I liked how it actually showed the livelihood of someone whose father is a barber (they actually have to care about how much money they spend, telling all their friends about the shop, trying to gain followers on IG of their shop to get customers, etc), and the Neo/Phuwin cuteness but the technical aspects are so bad

Also Appears In: Cause You’re My Boy Live Blogging

I've been having a hard time binging shows for the past 1 to 1.5 months. It kinda started with Absolute BL (took me 3 days to watch 4 20 minute episodes lol) and KinnPorsche (I really just watched like 1 ep a day and also didn't gaf about Kinn/Porsche) but it wasn't super noticeable because I was still engaged in like the fandom and with tumblr fanworks while binging KinnPorsche and reading fic after it finished.

However, since then, the only show I've been kind of engaged in and binging has been Cupid's Last Wish and for other stuff I was watching like 20-30 minutes a day and maybe after a while just skipping things or going at 2x speed.

I think I should change up my habits instead of just binging one show straight through, like maybe switch between 2 shows so that I watch the other whenever I'm bored of one. Perhaps try finally starting a show that's On Air but that might be a bad idea for my personal life.

This will be after Love Mechanics though, I hope I'll love that one and won't make progress at the pace of a snail. (More on my random LM obsession since mid-July despite not having watched it yet)

Love Mechanics

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Jun 18, 2022 - Aug 6, 2022

Dates Watched: Aug 10 - 13, 2022

Rating: 7/10

Watched Via: WeTV (free)

General Thoughts: I wasn't interested in this until people started talking about how good the acting is and how much they're liking it, so I tentatively added it to my To-Watch list. Middle of July, when I think episode 6 was out, I started watching tiktoks from the show and no joke it made me so giddy and smile so much. The actors seemed to really have a ton of chemistry that made it believable that the characters were falling for each and were actually romantically into each other. Anyway, because of it, I came in expecting to like it and to just... ignore the red flags or bad decisions, both of which came true. Goddamn I forced so much annoying stuff to not annoy/bother me (the cheating/the weird ways they treat people as property/Vee's character writing was kinda weak but I just resorted it to him being dumb/the annoying friends) but also I liked Vee, Mark, and Ploy more than I expected to. Definitely helped by the fact that they were all competent actors playing charming characters. Two things that stood out: Ploy/Vee’s registers + pronouns when speaking to each other and Vee/Mark playing around with consensual nonconsent in episode 10 after credits scene and how much fun they had with it.

tags: love mechanics

Also Appears In: Love Mechanics Live Blogging

En of Love: This Is Love Story - Skipped

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Jun 6, 2020 - Jun 20, 2020

Dates Watched: Aug 14, 2022

Rating: N/A bc SKIMMED/DNF

Watched Via: Viki (free)

General Thoughts: Skipping through this just to see Vee/Mark

starting with the slap from the tiktok that made me realize I wanna watch it in the first place

lol them teasing Vee 

the conversation between Nuea and Kan about Nuea pursuing Kan’s nong is funny 

ep 2 of this is where the “Phi not as in older brother, the same way daddy doesn’t mean father” and Nuea doesn’t even get it lmfao

ep 3: the friend group was annoying and teasing in En of Love too, though maybe they’re nicer and more caring here, who knows jk they hate nuea here too lol. terrible ass study group though, but still funny and cute

Vee/Mark are so (lovingly) violent here lmfao there’s even some playful choking at 32:55 like 

lol the Vee/Mark Meb ad that’s also full of violence <3

Watched a whole bunch of YinWar content (Yin and War Interviews and Videos)

Wanted to skim the Love Mechanics novel and ended up just skipping the first 25% on MEB. However, did find a translation on Wattpad for Fahlanruk, which I know is a show that’s gonna come out soon (rumours say September). Only managed to get up to chapter 3 because the writing and/or translation is near incomprehensible. 

The Gifted (non-BL)

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Dec 13, 2015

Dates Watched: Aug 17, 2022

Rating: N/A

Watched Via: Youtube (free)

General Thoughts: Not rated because it’s a student made thing(?) + it’s the original of a show that I’ve already watched. Interesting to see Up here + to see what powers/twists the show kept and what they changed

Magic of Zero: Zero Photography (GL)

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Aug 11, 2022

Dates Watched: Aug 18, 2022

Rating: 6/10

Watched Via: GMMTV Youtube (free)

General Thoughts: Generally very, very, very cute >.< InkPa are just a cute, endearing ship. Full of humour and hijinks with some tinges of angst like the insecurity + Pa crying when asking Ink to take her photo. But in the end, more fluff and cuteness. Hope we get them in a GL next year, c’mon

tags: magic of zero (+ occasionally: bad buddy, girls)

Also Appears In: Zero Photography Live Blogging

Love Mechanics Director’s Cut (Aug 19/20): Watched the ending of ep 2 and start of ep 3, both of which I’d actually watched already from tiktoks lol

Badhaai Do - not on MDL

Country: India

Release Dates: Aug 11, 2022

Dates Watched: Aug 20, 2022

Rating: 7.5/10

Watched Via: Netflix

General Thoughts: I love watching East or South East Asian media because it has similarities to my South Asian culture and I enjoy seeing these similarities that I wouldn't see in Western shows. However, seeing an actual South Asian movie where the culture is so similar to mine (different religions, so not quite the same) is so good! Family everywhere and all of them nosy! Familial pressure from all sides! The CNGs that they rode! The hustle and bustle of the city and of life! Hindi's similar to Bengali! Unfamiliar with the ultimate acceptance from many family members though lol but I can live vicariously through them I guess. Sumi and Rimjhim (love her name) are so freaking beautiful. They were so beautiful. I didn't like Shardul (lmfao patriarchal cop mans) but I guess... this movie wasn't necessarily about liking him. He deserves rights and for his queerness to be accepted even if I don't like him. I wish we got some more of the lawyer mans and Shardul, he was the most interesting character for sure. Happy ending, funny moments, tinged with some sadness and struggles. I enjoyed it.

tags: badhaai do (+ 1 girls gif)

Also Appears In: Badhaai Do Live Blogging

This wasn’t on my list or anything but uhh suddenly watching

Y-Destiny: Episodes 3 & 4 (Sun & Nuea) - Skimmed/Dropped

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Mar 30, 2021 - Jul 6, 2021  

Dates Watched: Aug 21, 2022

Watched Via: :>

General Thoughts: okay well, thought I’d watch it since Nat/Nuea is younger but plays a more bold character while the older Sun/Max is shy. I like the dynamics but it was repetitive and boring and I didn’t care, so I skimmed 0.5 of ep 3 and hardly watched ep 4. Oh well.

Our Skyy: Cause You’re My Boy Continuation

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Dec 07, 2018

Dates Watched: Aug 21, 2022

Rating: 6/10

Watched Via: Youtube (free)

General Thoughts: DNF-ed the actual show but I’ll watch the special anyway. lmfao the whole show gonna be based on misunderstandings galore, huh? At least it’ll be wrapped up in 1 episode but honestly Neo’s giddy face while he texts the fake account N from Mork’s phone is so funny, I’m not even annoyed. not the overhearing them and thinking they’re having sex aksdfj but P’Nair’s actually instructing Mork about the clarinet not cunnilingus lmfao. Bro the band even got costumes lol all this for a random guy’s anniversary present for free, this requires more suspension of belief than most fantasy novels/shows. They mentioned N/Nuknik, so I guess the resolution of explaining that happened off-screen? Aw, I think it would’ve been funny if we saw even Mork’s confusion and then Gord had to do some explaining. Anyway, cute enough despite just being a whole episode about misunderstanding and it made me laugh a few times.

Girl Next Room: Richy Rich

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: May 17, 2020 - Jun 14, 2020

Dates Watched: Aug 22 - 24, 2022

Rating: 6/10

Watched Via: GMMTV Youtube (free)

General Thoughts: It's fine. I liked the first half more than the second half because I don't think they handled serious issues well (like the actual rich stuff and how Duchess and Krathing think about it) or tied things up in a way that made sense (going from being upset at Krathing to them being cute just because Krathing said he was pretending to be KhonKhao as a child). Still, the first half was fun and Krathing and Duchess were cute, I liked their little frenemies thing.

Also Appears In: Girl Next Room: Richy Rich Live Blogging

Triple - Do You Want?

Country: South Korea

Release Dates: Dec 15, 2020

Dates Watched: Aug 24, 2022

Rating: N/A

Watched Via: Youtube (free)

General Thoughts: Only watching the f/f and m/m parts. Oh, I thought it’s just the same situation for each couple but the script is the exact same too. Unfortunately that the script is kinda bad lol. not rating it. 

Saw this reddit comment of this video of “Han Jisung stealing all of Stray Kids’ jewelry” so I watched that video, last part of finding skz ep 4 and first part of 5

The Eclipse - Currently Watching

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Aug 12, 2022 - Oct 28, 2022

Dates Watched: Aug 24 - ONGOING, 2022

Rating: N/A

Watched Via: GMMTV Youtube (free)

General Thoughts: First ongoing show since like 2gether and even that I had started when ~10 episodes had released, not just 2. Enjoying it so far, though, watched the first 3 episodes and am now gonna have to wait for the next one. So far, the plot and the characters and their relationships are shaping up to be quite interesting!

tags: the eclipse (+ special ep)

Also Appears In: The Eclipse Ep 1 - 3 Live Blogging

Aug 26 11pm

Started Dear.M because I like Jaehyun and also liked Roh Jeong Eui from when she played the daughter in 18 Again. However, the first episode didn’t draw me to it at all and I could tell the way most storylines were going were going to annoy me rip. So I watched about 25 minutes of episode 1, the last 5 minutes of Ep 12 (understood nothing as expected) and got outta there because if I stuck around for 3-4 episodes, I would’ve just forced myself to finish it even though I don’t really like it.

Aug 27 - 12 am

Actually lemme rewatch some 18 Again scenes instead, specifically Jeong Eui as Shia’s romantic storyline. It was cute imo I didn’t really care for it when I first watched it but then on my second watch I was like aww they’re cute! Moved all my thoughts from here to: 18 Again Skimming Ep 12 - 15 Live Blogging

Ocean Likes Me

Country: South Korea

Release Dates: Apr 26, 2022 - May 18, 2022

Dates Watched: Aug 28 - 29, 2022

Rating: 4.5/10

Watched Via: Viki (free)

General Thoughts: I’ve heard mostly meh things about it but I need to watch something Korean and this has Holland. The characters were somewhat endearing or cute in some places but the story is nonsensical and there’s no depth and it’s boring as hell and the ending made absolutely no freaking sense and was unsatisfying. I started fast forwarding a lot starting ep 5, agh just like Wish You. I remember people were hoping this would have a cool twist like Tommy’s a mermaid but no lol and didn’t even give me the celebrity/commoner trope properly agh. Also the only character I liked was the scammer girl she was so cute and terrible 

Summary And Upcoming Plans

A weird month where I liked some of the stuff I watched (Love Mechanics, Badhaai Do, Eclipse Episodes 1 - 3) but also a lot of stuff I finished but didn’t like or just didn’t finish.

Currently Watching:

Love and Leashes which I should’ve finished already (how am I on my 3rd day of watching this 2 hour movie) but I’m distracted I guess. Hopefully I’ll finish it today.

The Eclipse which I’m having a lot of fun with but can’t believe I have to wait a week to get like 40-45 minutes of content T.T At least Episode 4 is coming out tomorrow! Even though it means we’re just even closer to school starting

Gonna continue watching some Korean shows (Out of Breath and Our Beloved Summer are on the list). Then gonna go for Thai BLs again but mostly like chill, cute ones (21 Days Theory, My Secret Love, Unforgotten Night, SIMM, What If, etc) since The Eclipse is more plot-heavy.