#Automated Cocktails

[drinkinlovecom]

Shake Up Your Home Bar

Shake Up Your Home Bar

Discover the Exciting Future of Home Bartending The future of home bartending is bright, as more and more people are turning to this as a way to entertain friends and family in the comfort of their own homes. As technology continues to evolve, so do the tools and techniques used in home bartending. From automated cocktail machines to smartphone apps, home bartenders have access to a wide range…

[shiningnewlight]

Laundry - Transitional Laundry Room Small dedicated laundry room with an integrated sink, flat-panel cabinets, green cabinets, quartzite countertops, pink backsplash, ceramic backsplash, green walls, a side-by-side washer/dryer, and white countertops in a transitional single-wall design.

[amywritesthings]

press four for more options. | part one.

( Read on AO3 )

Pairing: levi ackerman x f!reader (attack on titan / shingeki no kyojin) Word Count: 4.6k Summary: After seeing your ex with his new girl at a work party, you take the not-so-smart advice from a friend to call a sex hotline to get over him. Your match? A baritone bossy dom named Levi.

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI - alternate universe (modern), slow burn, eventual smut, sex work, phone sex, dirty talk, dom!levi, light dom/sub Credits: dividers by @saradika-graphics

part two. | masterlist

“Thank you for calling the Scout Services Hotline. You’re only a dial away from your wildest fantasies with the sexiest singles near your area.”

God, even the automated voice sounds porn-y.

A breathy feminine voice straight out of a 1975 VHS tape croons into the dead air of your small apartment bedroom, setting your nerves on edge.

God forbid the noise travels through the walls into your next-door neighbor's bedroom. Harriet and Miro do not need to hear what you’re up to this Friday evening.

Maybe, up to this Friday evening.

You haven’t decided yet, though one could argue that calling was half the battle.

Dressed head-to-toe in an emerald cocktail dress with a face full of tear-stricken makeup, you feel utterly ridiculous sitting at the foot of your bed — not even the edge of the mattress, but the goddamn floor.

Even your black heels, now scuffed from someone stepping on them on your way out to fetch a cab, remain dangling at your toes.

(As non-committal as your last relationship, ironically enough.)

The experts say don’t shit where you eat. Dating someone you work with typically goes up in flames as fast as a rogue wildfire — and you should have listened to all of the warning signs, but Porco Galliard had been so damn charming that you’d forgotten just about everything.

Including your dignity, apparently, since you seemed to conveniently forget the part where he has had an on-again, off-again relationship with Pieck Finger well before you got hired at this place.

Not exactly side chick behavior, since he technically didn’t cheat, but the sting of being second place before the race even started lingered deep.

(Didn’t you know? He always chooses Pieck. It’s just one of those things.)

Well, no missing that now.

Especially since the two of them were so cozy at the annual shareholder event — right in front of your fucking salad.

The event’s slated to end at eleven so you’ve been nursing a wild array of drinks since seven, with little breaks.

In retrospect, the napkin with scribbled chicken scratch that Annie Leonhart, your closest colleague, shoved into your hand in the midst of your brooding at the bar may have been a joke:

You need to loosen up. Call this stupid sex line and get that stick out of your ass.

She wasn’t kidding. 

Every muscle in your body is too taut, including your brain.

So you took a cab, stumbled into your apartment, and landed — here.

Your phone sits right in front of you next to one of your half-worn heels, on speaker at the lowest setting.

Maybe it’s best to let the pre-recording list the entire numerical menu.

Maybe it’ll deter you from pressing anything at all.

“If you already know your match’s extension, press one.”

Yeah, that wasn’t happening.

You tap the napkin carelessly against the stem of your glass of wine, contemplating exactly how Annie Leonhart managed to find the information for this service to begin with.

Did she already have a match?

Did she regularly call them to blow off some steam?

She's always so chill. It would make sense.

There’s a chance this is a nasty prank at your lowest moment, but you don’t think Annie cares enough about other people to plan such a masterful takedown. 

At the work event, she seemed pretty serious about the legitimacy of Scout Services Hotline, and honestly?

Even if you had been drinking all night at the event, you were going to need way more liquid courage to even consider trying your hand at calling a sex line to quell weekend loneliness.

So naturally, you opened a new bottle of wine.

At the first glass of wine, you still weren’t ready.

The second? The napkin sat adjacent to your laptop as you played compilations of sad break-up songs further aggravating your spiraling depression.

The third was the charm to get you to pick up the fucking phone to see what the fuss was all about.

“If you’re looking for someone specific — whether it’s the man, woman, or person of your dreams — press two.”

Tempting.

Your finger reaches out for the ‘2’ on your screen, but you wait it out.

“If you don’t have a preference for your delicious match, press three.”

“You could’ve done without the delicious part,” you mumble to yourself, picking up the glass of wine to take a generous sip. An involuntary grimace tugs at your cheeks.

“If you’re looking to speak with one of our representatives or need more assistance, press four for more options.”

For a solid five minutes you wait.

Contemplating.

Deciding.

You could press the red circle to hang up and go to bed.

It wouldn’t be the first time you rubbed one out and called it a night.

After all, what’s one more lonely weekend?

The spiel starts up again on a loop with the same seductive, breathy feminine voice.

“Thank you for calling the Scout Services Hotline. You’re only a dial away from your wildest fantasies with the sexiest—”

You smash a button, but you’re not sure which one you’ve clicked.

Before you can lean over to see on your screen, a different feminine voice comes over the speaker.

It’s a little higher pitched than the menu screen voice, but it’s still inviting. Warm.

“Thank you for choosing the Scout Services Hotline. You’re speaking to Petra. May I have the pleasure of knowing the name of the person I’m speaking to this evening?”

A name.

You should give a name that isn’t your real name.

But technically wouldn’t your name be on the credit card if you go through with this anyway?

“You can give a nickname, too, if that makes you feel better,” the woman named Petra adds as if she's a mind reader, breaking the running silence on your end of the line. “A lot of our clients like giving a fake name for security and anonymity.”

“Doesn’t that break once you put in your credit card information?” you blurt, not realizing the thought has spilled on your lips.

Petra laughs musically.

“Technically yes, but if you prefer to be called something, then we’ll be sure to add that to your profile. I take it it's your first time calling.”

Why are you doing this again?

“Painfully obvious, right?” you lament, staring down at the scribble on the napkin. 

Did Annie have a fake name with this service?

“Not painfully at all,” Petra promises. “It’s a learning curve. So what may I call you?”

Real or fake?

Committed or just testing the waters?

“Scarlet?” you suggest, wincing immediately at the on-the-nose literary reference.

Letters, passion, blah blah love — it’s about the only creative thing your wine-addled brain can muster.

“I like Scarlet,” she hums, and immediately your brain is set on fire.

Are you going to be seriously this easy?

“Are you female, male, non-binary, genderfluid, prefer not to say…?”

“Female.”

"Pronouns?"

"Um, she and her."

“And you’re over eighteen?”

“Definitely over eighteen.”

“Perfect. So, Scarlet — did you have a preference on who you wish to speak to today? If you have a fantasy you wish to fulfill, then I can select someone for you.”

You want to scream.

Neurons fire as you try to come up with a cool and collected answer, only to allow the elixir of truth on your tongue to spill the beans.

“Just someone who’s got their shit together, honestly.” You exhale an awkward laugh. “I don’t know. I’m just calling because — I mean, I know you don’t care, but I like… um, deep voices? Stronger voices. Honestly I have no idea what to—”

“I have just the person.”

You pause.

Blink.

But you didn’t even describe anyone, not really.

A voice, maybe, if they cater to kinks of that nature.

You can only imagine they do — it’s a sex hotline, for crying out loud.

“Wait, you do?”

“Mhm!” she perkily states. “Is a man alright for this evening?”

A man with a deep voice who allegedly has his pretend shit together.

Granted it isn’t the opposite of Porco, he’s fairly capable at his job and out living his life just fine, but maybe you were just looking for a copy.

(Or a clue.)

“A man is… fine,” you hesitate. “Wait, so when do I give you my credit card information? My friend hooked me up with this, um — I don’t know if you have her name or if I should even say it, I know there’s probably some confidentiality—”

“Hold that thought,” Petra interrupts cheerfully. “You get the first fifteen-minute session for free, actually — you called just in time before our first-timer coupon expires.”

You can’t hide your surprise.

“Really?”

“Really!”

Ha, your fucking luck.

“If you're enjoying the call, just tell your match and we can set up your card and keep it going. All we ask is that you take a survey after your session. Then you’ll be in our system with this phone number! We’ll never solicit you for calls, but it’ll make the process faster the next time should you call our hotline again.”

You drop your head back on your mattress, sighing heavily.

“...okay, yeah. That sounds great.”

“Yeah?”

“Sure.”

“Give me one moment, Scarlet,” Petra giggles.

You hear something shift on her side. 

Maybe she’s swiveling her chair. Are they located in an actual office building?

God, an office where people just do this for a living sounds larger than life.

“I’ll connect you with your match in a moment.”

Then the line cuts out to the opening notes to Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On, and you’re pretty sure you’re this close to chugging the rest of this bottle in one gulp.

“Is this seriously what you do on weekends, Annie?” you mumble to yourself, enduring the brutality of the waiting music while Petra connects you to your alleged match.

A man with a deep voice who has his shit together.

Is that even a real kink?

Has the bar really gotten that low?

Should you have described someone’s appearance? It wasn’t like it mattered over the phone.

As soon as it gets to the high note of the song, the line cuts again — silence.

Immediately you scramble to sit up taller, your hands fumbling to grab the phone from the floor.

You bring it up to your face, cupping the device in both palms to muffle the noise if it becomes downright pornographic in seconds.

Moment of truth.

With bated breath you wait — the person on the other line sighs, heavy and deep, before answering with the most nonchalant tone.

“Thank you for calling the Scout Services Hotline. You’re speaking with Levi. May I ask whom I have the pleasure of speaking to?”

Holy fuck.

Immediately you forget your own voice listening to the hum of the receiver.

While you’ve only joked in passing that you have a voice kink, it’s screaming in neon lights here and now: this man’s voice may be monotone, but there is a growl to it. 

A rumbling.

At this very moment, you completely forget that this man is on speaker phone and you’ve just returned home from the worst work event in the world.

You don’t have an ex-boyfriend.

You don’t even know your home address.

You’re simply… existing, lips parted, taking in the sheer tingle rolling through your torso.

“You there?”

Right, you’re meant to talk back.

“Huh? Oh — yes! Yeah,” you recover poorly. “Hi. It’s, um, it’s Scarlet.”

“Mm, Scarlet… Scarlet, Scarlet, Scarlet…”

The way the name drags along his tongue nearly makes your mouth water. 

His voice — Levi — is smooth, like the velvet on your dress you’ve yet to take off.

“A pretty name for a pretty thing like you.” Something ruffles and Levi makes a small noise on the other end, likened to a cut-off hum. “Tell me what you look like, Scarlet.”

All you can do is stare at a chip in your wooden dresser directly across from you, listening to him speak.

“I’m…” 

What do you even say? 

How come you have to say anything at all? 

Can’t he just read a takeout menu to you and call it a night?

Before you can answer, there’s an amused huff. “Someone’s nervous.”

Your face turns — well, a certain shade of scarlet.

“Ha. Sorry, I’ve—”

“Never done this before?” he finishes for you.

How mortifying. 

“Is it that obvious?”

“It’s cute,” he relents, and you feel your face turn a degree hotter. “Don’t worry — I’ve been told I’m a great teacher, so you’re in good hands.”

“You’ll have your work cut out of you, trust me,” you breathe, feeling like you’ve been injected with an overdose of a truth serum. “Because I just got home from this stupid work event. My ex-boyfriend brought his new girlfriend — who also works with us — as his date — yay, me — except I feel like I was the side-piece-in-waiting for them. So he’s off getting laid and I’m calling a complete stranger on a random Friday because my work colleague recommended this phone sex hotline for a quick solution.”

Silence.

You blink twice as dread settles in your cut. You tap the phone off of speaker and push the device close to your ear, balancing it with your shoulder.

Did you scare him away? 

Was that too much of a depressive dump? 

You suddenly want to crawl under your bed frame and hide there forever.

But then — a gentle chuckle sounds from the other end of the line, and arousal shoots straight to your lower belly.

“Good thing all of the dirty talk is my job, then,” he muses. “You’re supposed to lay back and listen.”

“Listen?”

“Yeah, unless you weren’t looking to get bossed around.”

It isn’t the worst idea you’ve ever heard, that’s for sure.

“If I’m honest with you, Levi, I don’t know what I’m looking for,” you confess, running a hand down your face.

“Then let me figure it out for you. We have time.”

The man calling himself Levi pauses on the other end.

“Did you want to get fucked, Scarlet?”

Well, shit, he didn’t have to say it like that.

“Yes,” you blurt without thinking, then fumbling to recover. “I mean— Sorry, clearly I called thinking about sex, and your voice is extremely lovely and actually very hot—”

“Oh, you think so?” Levi interrupts, honey-smooth voice humming with amusement with that same hum that’s going to make you scream.

“Absolutely. Completely. Are you serious?” you sputter. “You’re like an ASMR wet dream.”

“A what?”

“A wet dream?”

“No, the other thing — ASMR?”

“Um, like when people make really niche quiet noises to a microphone with their mouths, and it gives you the tingly sensation in the back of your head.”

“Interesting,” Levi says. “So are you saying that’s what I do to you?”

For the umpteenth time, your brain blanks.

God, you could scream into your pillow.

If you weren’t so afraid you’d forget to mute your microphone first, then you already would be.

“Yes! — I mean, yes, but — wait, can we just pause this for a second?”

For a moment he doesn’t answer, but the tone of his voice shifts: still just as sultry, but with a hint of confusion and a dash of concern. 

“Of course. Is everything alright?”

No, this entire night is weird.

If you don’t say something, then this is going to just keep looping and wasting his time.

“Okay,” you start, mustering the courage to get through your speech, “I know I’m spoiling the first-caller coupon for a free call and I’m sorry, I’ll totally pay for the session since you’re great and sound insanely hot and I’m sure you’re amazing at your job, but I just…” 

You trail off, collecting your swimming thoughts.

“...I’m something like six or seven drinks in, I am craving potato chips, and I’d really like to just talk to someone for a few minutes.”

There.

It’s out in the open, your confession to the liminal altar.

You half-expect him to hang up rather than wasting his time with someone like you, but to your surprise, there is no click. No call ended. No new automated message.

“Six or seven is a lot,” he comments, and you can picture a brow furrow even if he doesn’t have a face. “Does this mean you handle your liquor, or is this a one-off rager?”

“I think I’m only still functioning because I ate my weight in dinner rolls at the party.”

“Do you have a glass or bottle of water near you?”

The switch up lessens the tension in your shoulder blades in an instant.

His voice is just as crooning, deep and inviting, but it’s nice to simply be asked.

“Nope.”

His voice sharply changes, authoritative and firm. “Then go get one.”

The demand does something to you. 

Without thinking twice you begin to rock up on your heels, standing at full height.

“Okay, Mr. Bossy.”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” he asks with a sprinkle of sarcasm. “Someone who has their shit together, if I read the notes right.”

“They write that stuff down?” you ask genuinely, minding your step as you pad barefoot across your apartment to your fridge.

“It’s your session,” he reminds softly. “We do whatever it is you want to do.”

“Even if it’s just to talk?”

“You’d be amazed at how many people call just to talk. Though I can’t say it’s my specialty.”

“No?”

“No. I’m not much of a small talker.”

The refrigerator door swings wide. “What’s your specialty, then?”

“Kink play, mostly. Dom and Sub. Guided masturbation. Edging. Making decisions for people who want to forget about making them for a while.”

One second the bottle of water is in your hand.

Next it’s on the floor.

“That’s, uh… a wide array of specialties,” you say. “And your rate, it’s…?”

“Not cheap.”

“Got it. So I’m really flubbing this free call.”

It’s small, but you hear a chuckle on the other end. “You said you wanted to talk, Scarlet, so we’re talking.”

Bending to grab your water bottle, you untwist the cap.

“Does this bother you, wasting your time talking?”

“You’re not wasting my time, Scarlet,” he says with such a promise that you almost believe it’s genuine. “You have a pretty voice, and you’re funny.”

“Shut up.”

“You do, and you are.”

“Uh-huh. And do you talk to a lot of people during your shifts?”

“That’s confidential.”

“So a lot.”

“Confidential.”

“And the length of calls,” you test, “are they hypothetically confidential, too?”

“It’s per minute, so.”

“Per minute?” you gawk. “Jesus, I’d go bankrupt talking to you.”

“Well, premium members receive bills per half hour,” he explains. “More bang for your buck.”

“Quite literally," you mumble. "And what’s a premium subscription get you?”

“Didn’t you check out the website before calling?”

“I told you I stumbled out of my cab and called the number on my napkin, Levi,” you chide. “I didn’t exactly do my research in my sexually frustrated state.”

“Fair, can’t blame you there.”

There’s something of a grunt on the other end, like he’s stretching his arms over his head.

Maybe he’s sitting in an office chair, too, going through the motions of his profession the same way the Petra lady had been.

You keep wanting to imagine what he’s doing on the other line, but you realize you haven’t asked the titular question yet.

“Hey, Levi?”

“Yeah, baby?”

It’s breathy, a roll of thunder in his tongue.

Instead of an office chair, you imagine a man lying on his bed.

Maybe his tie is half-done, hanging loosely around his neck.

Button-down open, exposing the planes of his chest; dress trousers unbuttoned and loose around his hips, so he can easily slide a hand—

Whoa.

You stop walking back to your bedroom and blink twice. “Oh, so you like pet names.”

Your face, in miraculous humiliation, grows another degree hotter at how amused he sounds with himself. “I never said that.”

“Sure,” Levi replies with a smirk to the concession. “What is it, Scarlet?”

(Maybe you’ll permanently change your name to Scarlet after tonight if it sounds this good on a man’s lips.)

You finally unzip the side of your dress and wiggle out, before finding a cozy spot in the middle of your mattress.

“How much time do I have left on this freebie?”

“Approximately three minutes.”

Time flies when you’re too busy gawking over someone’s voice, apparently.

“Can I ask what you look like?” you finally decide, playing along.

“I’m surprised it took you this long to ask,” Levi responds, returning to that same seductive tone he’d used when he first picked up the line. “Black hair, guess it’s a little shaggier than usual. Undercut.”

You squint to your ceiling. “I’m thinking of Dimitri from Anastasia right now but with black hair.”

“I have no idea what that is.”

“You’ve seriously never seen Anastasia?”

“It’s a movie?”

“Oh my god, Levi, I’m so sorry for your childhood.”

“It’s an animated movie?” he scoffs. “Even worse.”

“You wound me,” you joke, pressing a hand over the cup of your beige bra. “What color are your eyes?”

“A gray-ish blue,” he tells you. “Sharp nose. High cheekbones. I’m a daily gym go-er, so I’m mostly lean muscle. I can probably pick you up, easily.”

So a fit man with an undercut hairstyle with gray-blue eyes and a relatively sharp face. 

Now you have a face to the image of a man lying on his bed, still in that button-down shirt and dress trousers.

His happy trail is probably dark, too, disappearing just under the waistband of his boxer briefs.

Or boxers?

Maybe nothing.

Your hand moves on its own accord to the waistband of your panties, toying with the fabric.

Contemplating.

Wondering if it’s wrong — when it really shouldn’t be wrong at all.

“You sound handsome,” you murmur. “I wouldn’t mind being picked up.”

“Wouldn’t be the only thing I’d do to you,” he flippantly states, and your brain blanks to pure putty. “You sound a little more winded than before. Doing alright over there, party animal?”

“It’s late,” you lie even when you damn well know you don’t have to lie. “Lots of drinking, first water of the night, lying down…”

“Better make it two waters before you fall asleep,” Levi states. “That’s an order, Scarlet.”

“Uh-huh.”

Your hand dips under your underwear, testing the waters.

But—

“Final sixty seconds,” he adds. “Any last words you want to get in before the line disconnects?”

“Only one minute left?” you protest, ripping your hand out of your underwear to pull the phone away from your ear.

14:02

So it really had been a fifteen-minute call.

God damnit.

Tapping the speaker icon once more, you stare at your phone and press your tongue against the inside of your cheek.

“What’s your extension?”

Because you have to know.

Even if you don’t call again, it’s a comfort to have it on hand.

Levi waits a moment before responding.

“Two-five-one-two.”

2512.

You swipe away from the call to quickly pull up your notes app, tapping the number down with a noted reminder: the guy with the hot voice!

“Are you going to call me again, Scarlet?”

You open your mouth, but you struggle with an answer.

(You only have a few seconds! Think, idiot, think!)

“I’m not sure if—”

Click.

“Hello? Levi?”

“Thank you for calling the Scout Services Hotline. Please stay on the line for a quick two-minute survey so we can better serve your fantasies in the future.”

Out of time.

You drop your phone to your stomach and groan.

Instead of calling back, you close your eyes — and, not before long, fall asleep to a dream of only one voice.

.

.

— —

.

.

    Saturday is a wash.

You wake late, missing an invitation to brunch.

For the better half of the day, you wonder about him.

Levi.

Your arbitrary match that doesn't feel so arbitrary anymore.

(It's placebo effect, you tell yourself. They're supposed to make you feel wanted.)

Punishing yourself for your excessive liquor and stupid plans, you trudge to your local gym and do your best to stay focused on your workout.

Every nameless person with dark hair that walks past you on the sidewalk from your apartment; anyone could be him.

The man waiting in line at the coffee shop.

The man who accidentally walked into you while you were switching the song on your playlist at the crosswalk.

The man weight training in the corner of the room, fringe cascading down his face as he drips sweat.

You keep the napkin in your gym bag, then transfer it to your purse as you run errands.

You could call.

It isn’t like you’re strapped for cash at the moment.

Granted it’s very wish fulfillment and it isn’t like he’s actually into you, but the attention is nice.

Besides — you haven’t thought of your ex once since you woke up.

Annie texts you twice within ten minutes of each message, which is unheard for her.

 [A. LEONHART]: So? Did you call?

[A. LEONHART]: Hello, earth to moron. At least like my message to tell me you’re alive. I’m not being interviewed by Dateline for you.

(Ah, there she is. Classic Annie.)

 [YOU]: Yeah, I called. Not sure if it’s my thing.

[A. LEONHART]: Sometimes they match you with a dud. 2nd time’s the charm ;)

[YOU]: Do you ever use someone’s extension?

[A. LEONHART]: Duh. I’m a regular of one guy.

Okay, so she talks to a guy. Something grips your stomach as you type your reply.

 [YOU]: Can I ask his name?

[A. LEONHART]: Why, so we don’t eiffel tower this?

[YOU]: jfc annie

[A. LEONHART]: lmao his name is Bert

    So not Levi.

For some odd reason, you breathe a sigh of relief as you close out of your messages.

Maybe you're one of a million, but at least you're not sharing with Annie.

Once you return home from your errands, it's close to dinnertime.

You cook something simple for yourself, occasionally glancing over at your purse like you can x-ray vision through the fabric to see the napkin.

Then again, it isn’t like you actually need the napkin.

The number is already in your phone.

Pulling out your device, you set it on the kitchen counter and draw a slow, calculative inhale.

One more call can’t hurt.

Levi may not even be working.

Hell, he could be talking to someone else. 

A regular.

Several regulars.

For over five minutes you stare down at your most recent calls list, willing yourself to just get brave for one second to press the button.

(It isn’t like Porco’s going to call you.)

The soured thought propels your hand without thinking, fingertip pressing the green phone icon faster than you can think. 

You brace for the ringtone, fists balled tight on the cool kitchen surface.

“Thank you for calling the Scout Services Hotline. You’re only a dial away from your wildest fantasies with the sexiest singles near your area. If you already know your match’s extension, press one.”

You continue staring.

Are you really doing this?

It isn’t like it means anything, which is exactly what you need with the upcoming work week.

A distraction.

A very expensive distraction, but hey — you’ll avoid takeout for a few weeks.

How bad can it get?

“If you’re looking for someone specific —”

You press one.

.

Author's Note:

Thank you for reading part one of my zany little 'Sleepless in Seattle' modern au! This has been a bluesky idea for a while now, and I needed a little reprieve from my other angsty Levi longfic silver underground, so I hope you enjoyed the ride.

There will be actual smut in part two, but as a Reader!Writer I had the thought of 'would I be suave enough to do the first phone call flawlessly or totally waste my free coupon'? and this chapter was born, lol. I promise this is not Porco slander.

Thank you for likes, and even more love to those who choose to reblog this to help spread the word of this new series or reply in the comments. ilu xo

[manias-wordcount]

Hi! I am once again requesting more Tamaki Suou/reader content because I love the way you write him. ♡

Prompt: Tamaki and his spouse (wife or husband or gender neutral, whichever you feel like writing) decide to roleplay while staying at one of the hotels owned by his family. They pretend not to know each other as they flirt endlessly. You can write this full nsfw or just have it be suggestive, but I'll love any playful flirting and teasing.

I hope you like this prompt. Thank you so much for your time and effort! ♡♡♡

Strangers at the Bar (Tamaki Suoh x Reader)

𝗔/𝗡: 𝗯𝗼𝗼𝗺! 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂! 𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗲𝗻𝗷𝗼𝘆

𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚 !! 𝘀𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗹𝘆 𝘀𝘂𝗴𝗴𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺𝗲𝘀, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼𝗼 𝗰𝗿𝗮𝘇𝘆

𝙒𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚? ⇒ 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

𝙟𝙤𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙧?

𝙗𝙪𝙮 𝙢𝙚 𝙖 𝙘𝙤𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙚?

By the time he slides into the stool right beside you, your giddiness almost can’t be contained.

You feel like a little kid again. One with secrets in their heart that are longing to be shared. But you know there’s no fun in that. Especially telling this secret. Not after all the trouble your husband went through to plan all this out for you. Still, very little stops you from buzzing in your seat with a smile that’s too big to be contained for more than a few seconds. Still, you try. It’s the least you could do.

It was your idea at first. Something originally mentioned in passing. The romance between the two of you was alive and well and both your staff and your inner circles could attest to the sickly sweet adoration the two of you shared for each other. But life has always kept you both busy. And being busy often meant being kept apart. So much so that when the two of you finally reunited after long, long periods away, those days together would be spent mostly between the sheets. Cuddled together and glued to each other’s side as if one would disappear if the other were to leave. And as nice as it was, you missed the excitement you both once had. The excitement that came with being young and filled with free time and longing for a certain handsome, blonde stranger you saw staring at you across the room.

So over a phone call across timezones one day, you mentioned how if you had the chance, you’d go back in time to relive the first time the two of you met. Not to do it better. But rather, to soak in all of the fun and excitement that came with being courted by him. By your now husband, Tamaki Suoh. And you remember him getting quiet for a while after you said that. You couldn’t help but wonder if you had unintentionally hurt his feelings in some way due to your statement.

But then you received an itinerary forwarded to your personal email for a week-long stay at one of his family’s nicest, most private hotels in all of Japan. Flights and rooms and spa treatments are included in the package deal, plus a request for you to take the entire time off (and then some) too. But perhaps what made this surprise really special was the little note placed at the bottom of his email instead of an automated signature.

Meet in the lounge on the first night. When you first see me, pretend you don’t know who I am. Let’s start over- I’d like the chance to fall in love with you again.

That was weeks ago. Now? You’re glancing almost shyly at your husband- or rather, the stranger your husband is pretending to be- and sipping at the cocktail you ordered while he very casually gives the bartender his order. There’s a jazz group playing a few light melodies in the background and you swear, the piano player almost draws his attention completely away from you for the night. But then he looks at you. Really looks at you. And so, you look at him. Locking gazes and laying eyes on each other for the first time in what must have been a month and a half of business travel and work keeping the two of you apart.

And at that moment, you can’t help but feel deep down inside that this is exactly like the first time the two of you met. A different place. A different time. A different almost everything. But you’re still you. And he’s still him. So naturally, you know in your heart that he must feel it too.

“Tamaki Suoh,” He (re)introduces himself after a few moments of silence. He ignores the quiet clink of a lowball glass being placed in front of him in favor of reaching a hand out in your direction. You reach out to take his hand with a smile- one that hopefully appears more charming than giddy- but he doesn’t shake it. Instead, he’s quick to scoop up your hand and bring the back to his lips. Bright violet eyes refuse to break eye contact with you as he places a few kisses on the back of your hand, and is struck with the thought that he could truly have anyone in the world if he wanted to. But he doesn’t want just anyone. “And you must be one I’ve been looking for~”

He just wants you.

Admittedly, you couldn’t help but let a few snorts of laughter slip. Immediately, Tamaki goes wide-eyed and alarmed and red in the face as he realizes that after years of not being a host, he’s way out of practice and not so good at the cheesy line thing anymore. But you’re nice enough not to tease him too much. After all, you’ve been breaking character all night despite knowing practically everything he wanted to do to you before sunrise. In your eyes, he’s still your prince charming. And that’s all he’ll ever be. But for right now, you could at least do one thing in his favor.

Pretend he doesn’t have you just yet.

“Hmmm,” You try to cover up the rest of your laughter with a light hum as you start to calm down. At the same time, you reach out your fingers and brush the tops of your nails against the sleeve of his suit jacket. His eyes watch your fingers with a careful, yet heated look. Almost as if a simple action such as that was enough to bring him back into the spirit of things. So you continued, putting on your most sultry voice and matching the intensity of his gaze with a seductive look of your own. “I sure hope you haven’t been looking very long.”

He gives a huff of laughter. His blush is just barely noticeable at this point as he takes the earlier embarrassment in stride. He has changed much over the years. He’s still your Tamaki after all. But that doesn’t mean he hasn’t grown. He’s not the boy you met in high school at a party thrown by your parents. He’s a man now. Your husband now. But it’s getting a little too hard to remember that he’s supposed to be a stranger to you at the moment. A little too hard. 

“Only all my life,” He responds smoothly, eyes peering at yours with a knowing half-smile. The sincerity in his voice was enough to get you to draw in a sharp breath. Even after all these years of dating and marriage and spending all the time that you possibly could together, he still manages to say a little something sweet to knock you off your feet every once in a while. And although you knew you shouldn’t be surprised, you just didn’t expect to feel your heart beat this fast at such a simple line during such a simple time.

Perhaps he has held on to a few more of his skills than you previously thought. Hmmm…

“Well, I’m sorry for the wait, Mister Suoh. It won’t happen again,” You apologize with a faux frown tugging at your lips, almost as if there was truly something to apologize for. At that, his smile grows just a big, almost triumph. Although he’s quick to tense up the moment your fingers start to trail up his jacket sleeve. And as you draw small shapes in the fabric and climb higher and higher up his shoulder, you lean in a bit closer to him. Out of the corner of your eye, you see his fingers twitching and flexing in his lap. Looking eager and desperate to reach out towards and grab you. You suppose you should make this easier on him. He was never able to keep his hands off of you for long. “How about I make it up to you?”

At the sound of you whispering in his ear, you can tell that his interest was more than piqued. He had frozen, just for a moment, before leaning into your space as well and tilting his head close to your ear.

“Oh yeah?” His murmur was low, and his breath felt warm as it brushed against your ear. You shivered at the feeling, and you could tell he took delight in it with the way he let out a pleased-sounding hum. At least he had the decency to hide his smile. Though you’re sure that if you looked into his eyes right now, all you would see is the look of a cat who had finally caught the canary after many, many tries. “How?”

That single word felt like a challenge to you. 

“Well…”

And in some ways, it was. It was his money and connections and careful planning that flew you out here to this hotel so the two of you could finally meet after a long, long time apart. It was due to his smooth tongue that the two of you were guaranteed to meet up in a bar that was nearly empty and drinks that were to die for while light jazz filled the room with something more pleasant than silence. It was he who did all this for you. Because of a passing comment. Or perhaps simply, because he wanted and felt this way too. But it was your moment to shine now. Your moment to make it up to him. Your moment to show him what he was missing. And to show him that time and distance and playing pretend…

“We could start in your room? Or mine”

…could never change the way you truly feel about him.

[despazito]

leftism without economic theory is painful to watch like it is nuts that women are now fantasizing of becoming stay at home housewives again as a solution to the current state of “work”. or people imagining utopias where work doesn’t exist at all, im sorry that’s just completely unrealistic regardless of how much we can automate

i think that a deep drive to pursue goals is an intrinsic part of the human condition. we like to work, we feel good when we solve something complicated or finish a task, our brain gives us good chemicals in return. even those of us with disabilities who can struggle to work still want to do something. the issue is how labour gets treated and which labour is rewarded by society.

our current system values antisocial leadership practices that will do anything to improve capital, and creates bullshit jobs nobody likes for the sole purpose of extracting the most capital possible. it’s no surprise people feel alienated from such employment especially if your job is scamming people with a few extra steps. i think the disappearance of family trades run by dedicated craftsmen who owned their own means of production has also hurt. instead it’s been emotionally sterilized through college courses and employment by faceless corporations who kindly let you use their equipment in return for a fraction of your labour’s actual value.

jobs like teaching and nursing are the backbone of society but instead their labour is deemed worthless, so even folks performing these important meaningful roles want to quit because financially the world is telling them to go fuck themselves.

it doesn’t help that the new consumerist class has been groomed to feel entitled to everything and anything, combined with the aggravated political polarization its just a molotov cocktail for any potential social interaction with a stranger to become a nightmare. i don’t blame people who want to lay flat and check out of this environment, but in the long term removing yourself entirely from the labour force and removing yourself physically from everybody you may not like or want to be around won’t fix any of these community problems!!

imagine a society instead where jobs were created out of social need and valued by how they can improve life both physically and spiritually. personally the stuff i wanna do most falls squarely under ‘volunteer’ work in this current system. i’d love to donate my time to wildlife rehab and animal shelters, hell i’d gladly pick up trash from parks all day and clean up the environment if i got a living wage. because i know i’m doing something of value instead of making my boss richer.

there’s a reason women fought so hard for equal opportunities in the work force. we wanted to find societal roles and value beyond those ascribed to us from birth. i’m not gonna let tiktokers girlboss our way back into tradlife!! (not to mention the setup of supporting an entire family on a single income was very much a heterosexual white middle class concept, many poor and nonwhite women couldn’t be stay at home moms even if they wanted to!)

[justveeing]

Kirk put a hand on the small of Spock’s back, just under the long line of elegant Vulcan calligraphy tattooed down the length of his spine. “When this mission is over, maybe we could take Una up on her hints to get a little alone time before we beam back to our respective ships?” “We will be alone in the automated medical cabana after I fake an injury,” said Spock.  Kirk’s thumb slid over the knobs of Spock’s spine. “Who could resist an offer like that?”

Piece 2/3 for the 2024 @thylabang work I made with the fabulous @android-and-ale! In "Formerly Pinky's Pleasure Planet" you will find yourself in a world full of hijinks, which we do love! Grab a fun cocktail and have an adventure along our two favorite workaholics!!

[himbocoups]

˗ˋˏ Between Glitz and Glamour ˎˊ˗ | 18+ Only

synopsis: love collects like the number of pearls on a string – scintillant under the shining spotlight, two ends clasped together to make one. however, one unforeseen tug can scatter the pearls, making them roll, bounce, and clack against the illegally sticky floors of the speakeasy. but one can’t help but chase the jewels, especially the one carved in the shape of lee jihoon.

member: lee jihoon

genre: angst, drama, romance, 1920s period piece | smut

tags: cursing, drunk characters, emotional constipation, food/drinks, jealousy, opposites attract, smoking, s2l // sax, settlements, and speakeasies | blindfold play, fingering, lap dances, mirror sex, oral, overstim, pet names (baby, daddy, whore...), pnv, pussy slapping, squirting...

wc: 15k

beta reader reviews: "OKAY DADDY I'M NOT GOING TO FIGHT YOU" - @multi-kpop-fanfics // "GODDDD I can't do this" - @heartkyeom // "HAHAHHAHAA FUCK IM IN TROUBLE" - @playmetheclassics

a/n: hihi you may see some recognizable characters sprinkled throughout the fic (hint @onlymingyus's duo). and giving a hugehugehuge thank you to my beta readers. this is a big piece I've been writing for months so thank you so much <33 chapters are separated and named by seasons for easy navigation - nu ♡

himbocoups's masterlist

one - spring

Sleek oiled hair with expensive Brilliantine and the tiny stray strand that falls from the slick that brushes against his forehead, the man’s Adam’s apple bobs and lowers as the man swallows another sip of his Manhattan. An amber drop seeps from his lips, seesawing on the rim of the stemmed cocktail glass he holds steady against his lips before racing downwards against the outside of the glass. He sets his drink on the sticky Oak tabletop before the drop of liquid can collect on his finger, never once breaking eye contact with his spoil for the night.

Dark brown eyes quickly flick from the woman’s eyes to his pant leg that rests against her inner heel, brushing against the open skin like a curtain as she unconsciously shifts her balance to her tiny kitten heel. She traces a manicured finger over his exposed collarbone, letting her hand glide downwards until it rests on his chest. Dorothy, she reminds him of her name, like the one from the novel. But he hasn’t read a novel since grade school, let alone hold one in his hand. He deceivingly nods like he understands her reference. Truthfully, he can’t even hear her over the live band and tonight’s drunk rowdy crowd in his speakeasy.

The Diamond Glass – an ironic name given the speakeasy’s connotations. Hidden in plain sight in the heart of the city, the speakeasy isn’t as transparent as the name suggests. And Lee Jihoon – as cunning as his cat-like features – operates his mom and pop grocery store front during the day and his speakeasy during the night, strictly and smoothly running his businesses like the automated belts in Ford’s motor car factories. A mastermind with too much money to blow and a throttle of criminal cohorts he calls his family, the man can’t help but let loose once in a while, especially when it comes to taking someone new home every so often.

And Dorothy, beautiful feathered brooch-wearing Dorothy with big brown eyes and arched eyebrows, is someone who Jihoon is willing to take home…or even in the kitchen pantry if he kicks the cooks out. But a disapproving look from his younger sister from across the bar is enough to give him second thoughts about taking her old classmate from high school home or anywhere, really. He clears his throat, two rough coughs with his hand brought up to his mouth, and peers at the woman in front of him. She doesn’t seem phased by the little break in their interaction and moves in to leave him a tiny product-stained peck along his jawline.

This action alone is enough to have him immediately forget about his sister’s disapproving looks and pull the lady into him by her waist, a tiny oop emitting from her matte-colored lips.

“Darling,” The word rolls smoothly off the tip of his tongue, landing softly against her cheek.

Before he can make another move on Dorothy, he feels a soft tap against the outside of his heel. And before he can even make the decision to ignore the tap, he hears the ever-so-familiar sound of shattering glass against his beloved speakeasy floors from across the room. The figure of a darting bouncer toward the center of the crowd and the manager, Seungcheol, following closely behind is enough for Jihoon to excuse himself from the self-proclaimed novel character Dorothy to attend to a crowd transforming into the shape of a circle.

He sees her for the first time in his life with her dirtied flimsy party dress, and the skirt under her knees, as she reaches around blindly for something probably important to her. There are a few clutched in her right hand, opalescent pearls, probably fake; her other hand is limp, tucked against her waist as if she doesn’t want anybody to notice her injury. He thinks if he turns his head back to Dorothy, he would be able to become ignorant of the fact that there’s shattered glass near the back of her heels, the same glass that he brought in the other day.

An entire five cents gone, just like that. He is forced to think, adding a note to his mental managerial book.

Mingyu probably kicked the man out, he hears a patron say to another person who asked. The man tried absinthe for the first time. Now he’s absent before the pianist can perform his set. Poor lady…poor lonely lady with her fine pearls. Heard that was the only drink she was clutching onto the whole night before the man knocked her over. Never seen her around before.

“Hey.” Seungcheol taps his boss’s shoulder, the other hand pinching the bridge of his nose in an act of annoyance. “Take her to get patched up.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” he scowls. “Manage your patrons better.”

Still, he shuffles over to his customer and lifts her up by the waist, heaving her onto the nearest bar counter, probably separating two people from their conversation. He doesn’t care if they complain, for all he cares, they already paid for their drinks.

“You didn’t have to set me on the counter,” she says while fiddling with the fabric of her dress, her eyes never looking down to meet his. “Just a scratch on my hand, that’s all.”

Someone passes him a bag of ice wrapped in a dishcloth. The bartender probably, she remembers. She remembered him complaining in passing about how it gets so rowdy in this speakeasy, yet they can never find the time to restock their simplest first aid supplies. Something about how the big boss is stingy, but he can’t complain because he’s getting paid well.

The palm which holds her injured hand is warm and a little rough around the tiny calluses, a stark contrast to the cold ice which hits her outer hand and the soft and regularly washed dishcloth which creates a nice barrier to stop the coldness from stinging.

“The fabric isn’t flimsy, you know. It just looks that way because of how I draped it.” The comment comes out of her mouth compulsively, as if she needed to somehow bring up the topic in case he was staying silent because he was silently judging her getup. She can’t read him well, not under the lights and not even when his eyes flick to every other woman except for her. “I can ice it myself.”

“Nonsense.” He is curt with his words. “This shouldn’t have happened to you. My workers should’ve been better at watching out for rowdy customers. Please accept my apology on their behalf. Write down your bank account number, and I’ll pay for your dry-cleaning and for a new string of pearls.”

She thinks that maybe he isn’t as stingy as Joshua says or alternatively, maybe he can say those things simply because he’s wealthy. Either way, Lee Jihoon is just as handsome as the crowd says. It would be such a loss if she didn’t use this chance to strike up a conversation with him. For all that matters, he would be onto the next gal the moment he’s finished taking care of her.  

“Take me on a date,” she squeaks, heart pounding like footsteps on the pavement. “The pearls are fake, an-and I can clean the dress myself.”

“I don’t do dates, princess.”

“Then a non-date? With me.” This time, there is a bit more confidence in her tone. But it isn’t enough to shake him.

“Look.” He sighs and drops the melting ice bag onto the counter near her thigh. “You look like you’ve never stepped into a speakeasy before. You probably came here on a dare with one of your girlfriends from grade school, talking about how you need to step out of your comfort zone a little more and is now all balled up. I’m a criminal – dames like you should never be stuck on my bunch.”

“Then I’m a criminal for coming here voluntarily. Aren’t I?”

two - summer

Standing ovation.

He didn’t even know that a standing ovation could happen at a community theatre performance, but here he is, standing on the risers after the final Summer show, waiting for the second lead to finish talking to an important-looking man in fine business attire.

In his arms is a beautiful assembly of white and purple, a small handwritten card from the heart tucked in the middle of it all. This is the first time he attended a musical, and this is the first time he willingly attended anything for anybody outside of his family. Now he’s worried his sweaty palms left damp marks against the brown paper packaging of the bouquet he shopped for with his sister last night.

A couple of children’s costumes push against his backside while they run down the risers, but he doesn’t care. His eyes are trained on her – a light brown wig done in a giant updo with a giant white feathered attachment stuck at the very top and rosy floral clips trailing down the sides. Her stage makeup sparkles under the hot stage lights, a scintillant glow across the apples of her cheeks. She quickly maneuvers her flowers to one arm so she can reach her free hand out to receive the man’s business card. She thanks him as he walks away, leaving her in the middle of the stage, giggly and filled with glee. With brilliant white teeth and lips stretched thin, she practically bounces in her spot until she pauses for a minute, turning around to look for something or someone so important that she would rather share her happiness with them.

Maybe there is a part of him that wants to call out for her, for her to notice him then, and for her to notice him when he was in the crowd. He wants to convince himself that it shouldn’t be him who she’s looking for. But it’s not like Lee Jihoon would ever admit his feelings, not even months after spending time now and then with the tailoress who crawled on the dirty and sticky speakeasy floor to pick up her fake pearls.

God, her and her pearls, he thinks. There was no way he could ever end up with someone like her, practically floating around with her head in the clouds, dreaming about the day she would become a star. Too trusting of others, too gullible, too into him – he wonders why he would even allow himself to be cajoled into attending a stupid production by someone as idiosyncratic as her.

The tight grip around the metal rail loosens when she makes eye contact with him, eyes widening like her smile. And as vague as it sounds, it makes him feel lighter. Better even.

Noticing her friends crowd around her, he mouths “hallway” to her and slips into the darkness. He thinks it’s in his best interest if he doesn’t check to see if her eyes stayed trained on him when he left his place on the risers.

It’s not long until someone grabs his wrist guiding him along the hallway, past the green room, past the rest of the cast. Left behind in her wake is a trail of African Orange Flowers, Amalfi Lemon and Orange, and the powdery floral scent of the powder she uses to refresh her clothes. Coty’s Cyphre, the one she bought back in ’17 – her only perfume that she uses for special events. The liquid in the whimsical rectangular glass bottle that sits on top of her dresser is starting to turn a light amber hue, but she insists on saving each drop. It’s most condensed on the hand pulling his wrist, the same hand that slips downwards, interlocking both hands in a magnetic pull.

Finally seeing her up close, her big doe eyes staring at him and the meticulously swept-on stage makeup, he forgets he has flowers for her in his hands. He snaps out of his trance when he hears the soft muted crinkling of the brown paper packaging being removed from his arms. She stands in front of him in her empty dressing room, holding the bouquet like a newborn, and lowering her head to smell the flowers – eyes closed to breathe in the sweet floral scent deeply with a sigh.

“I uhh.” He quickly brings his right fist up to his mouth and clears his throat. “I liked the performance. It was nice.” He can’t look her in the eye – doesn’t even know what to say especially now that her dress’s strap slipped off her shoulder, bringing her collarbone into view. She must think he’s the daftest person in the world, and he almost crumbles at the thought of her seeing him through his hubris.

“What about me?” She blinks. Dropping her flowers on the counter where the wood meets a long wall of mirrors, she tests the waters by slowly crossing his threshold. One buttermilk-colored gloved hand glazes his tweed vest, but of course, she can never elicit a reaction from him. “What did you think about me?” She asks him, palm now fully against his vest.

If it were physically possible, Jihoon stutters without muttering a word – caught red-handed by the woman in front of him. Truth be told, he wasn’t really paying attention to the musical. Falling asleep during the last half of the first act and waking up when the orchestra started the entr’acte, he knew he should’ve stayed home after an especially rowdy night at the Diamond Glass. And he would have if it weren’t for his sister, who quite literally dragged him out of bed and kicked him to the curb.

I really don’t get why she likes you even though you’ve been dragging her along for around two months. You don’t even seem that interested in her, she told her older brother. So either end the situationship or make it a relationship. But after the musical! So don’t you dare come back until tomorrow morning…Seokmin’s coming over. 

But what does he think about her? What does he think about the woman in the bouncy polka-dot dress whose entire being is too utterly obsessed with him, the one who only talks about her dreams while floating on her imaginary clouds, the one who buys cheap costume jewelry whenever she can hoping one day she would trade her precious pearl necklace for a new one? The one whose lips he has to cover while in bed because her vocal cords aren’t the only things that he’s plugging.

Simply put, he thinks her to be annoying. They have almost nothing in common. He cannot stand the fact that she’s so dizzyingly ditzy that she cannot go a day without dreaming or talking about the glitz and glamour of her potential stardom, living in a constant state of hypotheticals. She somehow latched onto his side like a cat’s claw in a woolen sweater or a parasite who is too cheerful and optimistic even on bad days. Yet, despite everything, he doesn’t mind having her by his side.

“Come on Hoonie,” she whines. “Tell me.”

God, how he hates that nickname. Usually, he would tell her off for using that nickname but she’s a couple of centimeters away from completely pressing herself against his frontside, and the only thing he can concentrate on is definitely not her performance.

But it doesn’t matter anyway. While a celebration happens on the main stage, in an empty dressing room, two people try to devour each other like it is the last time they would ever meet. A few fallen stray petals crumple under the sole of his shoe as he rubs himself between her closed legs. Groaning as he feels her squeeze him between her bare thighs, sliding with ease as her warm juices lubricate his naked organ, he covers her mouth from behind as he slowly pushes himself into her.

And everything feels warm, hot – clothed bodies pressed against each other, the row of bright lights above the wall of vanity mirrors, her breath as she moans into his large palm over her mouth, and her spongy inside that often invites him in secret. The habitually voluble woman is reduced to nothing under his touch and tries to refrain from audibly moaning, knowing that she would be punished if she were loud.

So she finds something exciting in whimpering into the open air, feeling him twitch inside of her with every mewl that enters his ear as he slowly fucks himself into her. The more high-pitched she gets, the more it arouses him to the point where he completely loses his nonchalant front. The hand which once covered her mouth is now tilting her chin upwards as his other hand grabs her by her waist. And he watches through the mirror how her eyes roll upward as he ruts himself into her, smirking at how she melts against his chest, aching and begging him for more.

That isn’t to say that maybe the thought of how good the reflection of the two of them together looks crossed his mind once or twice. But he pushes the thought aside like the rest of his feelings for her and instead pushes deeper into her, moaning when he feels her convulse around him.

“Ah fuck babe,” she gasps while her knees bend towards each other, palms pressed against the mirror as she recovers from her high.

“Watch your language,” he instinctively mumbles, pushing her forward so that her elbows rest on the vanity. He lifts the hem of her skirt above her ass, bunching the costume fabric in his hand and laying it on top of her back. Her use of his pet name completely slips his mind as he sighs while slipping back inside of her, feeling the tight cushiony cunt squeeze around his cock. Any tighter he might have to fuck her on the floor to stop losing feeling in his legs.

The louder the party is downstairs, the more confident she is in moaning out loud. And the sounds coming from her mouth fuels his lust. His cock feels hard as hell, and he is so close to finishing. A trail of profanities rains from his mouth, praising her, commanding her, and telling her how he feels at this moment. And she smiles that lazy smile reflected in the mirror as she hiccups while the tip of his organ threatens to penetrate more than just her walls.

“Be mine, yeah?” She manages to ask him while he pulls her head back, her fake pearl necklace coming into view.

“You’re asking? Fuck. Okay fu-Jesus. Bend over. M-more for me, baby. More.”

With one easy yank, the brown wig slides off her head and collects in his fist. He thinks nothing of it and drops it on the floor next to a pile of fallen audition flyers, continuing to ram into her from behind, never missing a beat. Jostled around with each hard thrust, each remaining bobby pin that once held her wig in place fall to the floor one after the other.

Plink. Puh-link. Plink. 

The answer to her original question is still left unanswered.

three - summer

“So, when is your girlfriend coming?”

Lee Jihoon looks up from the several small plates of food in front of him to see his younger sister cocking an eyebrow at him before she looks at the spread of food he prepares. Quick to notice the slight pout of her lips and the soft twitch of her eyebrows, he knows a light-hearted complaint is about to come out of her mouth.

“It’s a double date, but you’re only serving us canapés. What do you want me to do? Starve?” She places a hand on her hip in disbelief.

“I never said it was a double date,” he corrects her while swatting one of her hands away from the deviled eggs, never batting an eye. “I only said we are going to taste test new finger foods for the speakeasy.”

“And the girlfriend?” She sneaks a bruschetta from one of the plates when he looks away, dumping the pile of finely diced tomatoes tossed with balsamic vinegar and spices into her mouth before following it with the piece of soggy-crunchy bread she holds. “W- where is sphe?” She asks him with her mouth full, swiping the edge of her mouth with the side of her pointer finger.

“Finishing an audition so she’ll be a bit late,” his tone is as monotonous as ever. He doesn’t pay her any mind, not when he’s stressing over minuscule plates of finger food.

It is a particularly slow Thursday night. The grocery store’s customers start to dwindle as Seokmin helps the remaining customers checkout their items before he can close the shop to restock and sneak his boss’s girlfriend into the speakeasy. And the younger sister who stands in the kitchen behind the speakeasy’s bar can’t help but stare at her older brother who somehow manages to assemble different types of small plates for four people at once. But it’s the fact that no amount of magnesium can fix his almost permanently clenched jaw that she knows something is bothering him.

“Hmm…” She takes his used cutting board and a stack of dirtied plates away from his area to bring to the sink to rinse. “I don’t like it,” she tells him while dropping the stack in the sink, wincing at the crashing sound.

“The bruschetta you stole?” He asks over his shoulder. Albeit, the way his tone angles upwards at the end, a squeak that he tries to hide by clearing his throat, is a clear tell that the quality of the food, or at least something related to tonight, greatly concerns him.

“No. It’s actually really good.” She restacks the dishes in the sink, thinking that it would be better to wash them all at once after dinner. “I was talking about you. Something’s bothering you.”

“You’re bothering me.” He frowns in his spot, bending over to adjust the garnish on one of the plates. “Go bother Seokmin. He’s probably crying while he’s running the grocery store alone without you by his side.”

“He’s a big boy. He can handle it,” she muses, humming while wiping her hands on a dishtowel.

“I’m telling you to climb up your thumb.”

“And I’m telling you that you have girl problems.”

Before he can turn around to confront his sister about minding her own business, two familiar voices enter the speakeasy from the hidden hallway connecting the employee room of the grocery store to the speakeasy’s office. Head perking upwards like a sleeping cat when they hear the familiar clinking of keys on a chain when one unlocks the front door, Lee Jihoon’s entire attitude and disposition seem to shift into the positive. And the sister almost snickers at the sight.

---

Clearly less stressed than before, Lee Jihoon still walks around more reserved than usual. He left the small talk to the others and only chimed in when spoken to. But the one hand that found a home around her waist, on her shoulder, in her hand, said something otherwise. And maybe it’s not a lie when others say that being around your favorite person could make all your worries go away. The way that his tiny fangs come into view when she gushes about her audition, the unnoticeable squeeze he gives her hand when she talks about calling off sick for work in order to practice for the audition, and the blush on top of his already flushed face when she tells the other couple that she couldn’t have done it without him by her side…it did make his worries go away, at least for the time being.

Two hours later, the siblings are once again in the speakeasy’s kitchen, cleaning the used and empty dishes while the other two chat away near the stage where they plan for a duet in the future. There is an empty bottle of homemade red wine left to dry next to the dish rack. He sits by himself on the stool near the sink, holding a half-filled wine glass in one hand, promising to finish off the rest of the bottle by himself before his team comes in to open the speakeasy within the next hour.

“Hey, be honest. What’s eating yo-”

“She told me she loved me this morning.” He cuts off his sister’s question while staring at his sorry expression through the soft reflection against the burgundy-red liquid.

“Oh…OH?” She doubles back.

“I wasn’t able to reciprocate it,” he sighs. “It came out of nowhere.”

There isn’t anywhere to sit so she decides to squat next to him, taking the glass out of his hands so she can finish it for him. Of course, she would be worried about the man who never seemed to be able to keep a relationship or even enter one look so distraught over a quip in his relationship. Finding out it was about the question of love, she can’t help but pry more out of him, never experiencing this kind of talk with her older brother in the past. But when she sees his eyes squint at the hem of her everyday dress draped across the dirty kitchen placemats and him immediately getting up from his stool so she could sit, she knows that he would be fine.  

“What’s next? Do you think you’ll have to break up with her?” She tries to push his buttons.

“No.” He hears the familiar tuning note in the distance, echoing throughout the empty speakeasy. “Maybe I would be able to reciprocate it someday,” he mumbles while scratching the side of his head.

She chugs the rest of the wine, earning a disapproving look from her older brother, and rinses the glass in the sink.

“I think I’ll have my gentleman walk me home now…leave you to work.”

He takes her glass out of the sink and immediately washes it again, not trusting that she could truly clean it in her inebriated state.

“Make sure he gives you his jacket. It’s starting to get chilly outside.”

“How can it be chilly? It’s only the beginning of Summer.”

“Also, don’t walk. Take my breezer keys from my office drawer,” he tells her while she hugs him goodbye. “And tell him to drop her off, yeah? She must be tired.”

“From the audition?”

“Yeah…the audition.”

“Are you sure you don’t love her?” She squeezes his shoulder. “Don’t think too much about it, okay?”

“I-” He looks like he is about to say something but drops the notion. “Get home safe.”

It comes out like a sigh – a dilatory action to avoid her question. 

four - summer

There are only a few ways to command a room in a crowded speakeasy on an especially sweltering hot July Summer night. And only a few can truly get the room to become so quiet that everybody inside can hear conversations outside of the sturdy soundproof walls of the speakeasy.

She stands onstage next to one of the lead singers of the week. Seungkwan, the lead’s name, tries to pry open the newspaper to the right page but struggles to find any grip between the smooth-printed paper and his dry fingertips. The action causes the crowd to groan, but a singular and sharp shh sound emitted from the speakeasy’s owner’s mouth at the back of the crowd causes the entire crowd to acquiesce and grow silent again.

Seungkwan swipes the tip of his pointer finger across his tongue and rubs the wetness against his thumb. The younger man smiles when he finds his grip and immediately flips to the right page, right to the location of the musical advertisement. He shifts his body away from the eager dame, oscillating ball to heel, who is dressed like a patron of the Ritz just for this special occasion. Left pointer finger skimming through the cast members, he skips ahead and heads straight to the ensemble.

From the crowd beneath the stage, one could see the top of the singer’s head, eyebrows, and a pair of eyes right above the top of the newspaper. The man on the stage holds the newspaper to the crowd, showing them the content like a schoolteacher reading to their class.

“Ensemble!” he yells. “And the understudy for the lead!”

The ebullient cheers that follow the announcement fill the speakeasy – a newfound cause for celebration. A regular in this establishment is about to star in a mainstream musical and they are all about to get bragging rights. And the dame whose name is printed on thousands of newspapers stands on stage, quite clearly in shock. Lace-gloved hands covering her mouth and the recovered fake pearl necklace hanging from her neck, she can only allow tears of joy, of jubilation, to fill a reservoir in her eyes. Months of hard work, hours upon hours of practice, sore muscles, and a dream to work toward – there’s a realized catalyst to her belief that nothing that she had worked toward, worked for, and dreamed about had ever gone to waste.

And he, Lee Jihoon, continues to stand in his place at the back of the Diamond Glass, unmoving like the Statue of Liberty. He sees his Ritzy moll under the spotlight, shining, scintillating in all her newfound glory. Where he would usually be focusing on the crowds of men with fat pockets rushing to the bars, he can’t help but keep his eyes on his girlfriend.

His mouth moves on its own. Opening. Tongue touching the back of his front teeth. The last syllable forms a pout. Three words formed without any sound.

The thing is, she sees him. Even from the stage in the front of the room, the only person she can clearly see silently supports her from the back of the crowd. To her, he is, and always will be, her only glowing entity in the pitch dark. And she directs a fabulous smile at him. She knows.  

---

“F-fuck!” Her stomach jolts when she feels his thick fingers exiting her leaking cunt.

“Aww my baby is so vulgar, isn’t she? Wanting to fuck in public while everybody else is getting drunk and celebrating her?”

The owner of the Diamond Glass leans back into the beautiful moss green leather executive chair with the cherry wood elements that his workers gifted him on his past birthday. Spread across his matching cherry wood desk are the gams belonging to the woman the entire speakeasy is celebrating. And the new musical actress shudders at the feeling of her naked and throbbing core against the cold office air while she lies with her back against the desk, dress pulled up and bunched around her breasts. And he smirks in his seat, his left hand moving to his neck to loosen his necktie while his right hand reaches into his desk drawer to draw out a long wooden object. 

“Left or right hand, baby?” He asks her while palming himself in his seat, his zipper already down and his erection dripping with precum.

“L-Left,” she stutters while staring at the ceiling, heart beating fast.

“Left what?” He spreads his thighs a little more, relaxing into his seat while he slowly strokes himself to the fleshy sight in front of his face.

“Daddy,” she chokes, her back arching off the wooden surface, fake pearl necklace clacking against the desk, her wanting to feel anything and to be given anything by the man who sits behind his desk.

He moves the oblong object into his left hand and rubs the precum off his head with the pad of his right thumb. Like a painter branding their work of art, Jihoon marks her soft nub with his precum, smearing it on her as if he is marking his territory. And she moans from his touch, every inch of her body prickling with heat.

Thinking for a couple of seconds while stroking himself with his right hand, he finally decides, “We’re not leaving this room until we see your pretty pussy squirt on daddy. Hold still for me Sweetheart.”

With no time for her to react, he brings the object down on her opening, fast. The slapping sound of the wooden ruler against her fragile clit rings throughout the room – threatening to drown out the sounds of people partying on the other side of the guarded door. The euphonic sound of her squealing, the way her thighs close and immediately open like the whore she is, only edges him more.

He slaps her pussy again, bringing down the makeshift paddle quickly. Then again. And again.

She cries in response, tears leaking down the sides of her face as she calls out to him Daddy, daddy, yes! Daddy – s-shit. Please! More! Use me. Withering in her spot, she feels nothing but the euphoria and the stinging sensation that makes her sex clench, builds her high, and causes her eyes to roll to the back of her head. And he relishes in watching and hearing her positively react, feeling his high build in the palms of his hands.

However, like the businessman he is, he thinks what is in front of him is not enough. So he drags his heavy seat closer to his desk till his face is directly in front of her cunt when he is seated. And he knows that he didn’t take that much time to adjust his seat, but her fingers are already dipping into her sopping cunt without permission – a dainty middle finger slowly and repetitively entering her sex and pulling out while she sighs in relief.

Irritated by her actions, he uses his precious ruler to nudge her hand away from her cunt. He drops his ruler on his desk and immediately, by bringing his empty hand against her cunt and feeling her jolt under his fingers, pulls his hand back to slap her again.

“Whore.”

This single word leaves his mouth, laced with disgust. But it causes her to reach her high, her body jolting as she comes. He uses this moment to put his face against her cunt, burying his tongue in her folds, licking and prodding while his strong hands grab hold of her thighs to steady her while she shakes against the tabletop. He lets himself be buried in her cunt, pushing his nose against her nub and lapping her juices like it’s his only source of water. Teasing her with the tip of his tongue, he kitten licks her cunt until she shakes under his hands and sends a long and flat stripe up her folds.

Overstimulated by him eating her out while she orgasms, by him punishing her by sticking his tongue up her vagina, all she can do is slur her cries – so, so, so entirely intoxicated by him against her sex. And the frail cry turns into a scream when he pulls out his tongue and slaps her one last time – the sharp pain against her bodily exhaustion causes her to squirt, wave after wave, coating his unbuttoned button down and lubricating his open and exposed chest.   

Her high blinds her so much that the can only see the deep red marks his fingers left on the outside of her thighs and the splotchy purple along her inner thighs when she recovers in the morning.

And the poor part-time bouncer, the law student with the circular glasses, can only keep a stoic face as he stands on the other side of the door. Because he knows that if he even reacts, even hints to others why he is guarding the office door, he would suffer a fate a lot worse than being fired from his boss’s precious speakeasy.

five - fall

He arrives home at around two in the morning and finally gets to enter the comfort of his bed at around three. The girlfriend who was lying in bed awake, waiting for her boyfriend to come home, is now completely lost as to why her sweetheart would even start an argument with her saying that she should have gone to bed without him. For months now, all she wanted was communication from someone who loves knowing everything and every single detail about everybody around him, but she can never seem to scratch more than his surface-level answers. And everything she does at that moment, including being awake for him, seems to tick him off even more than it should. And she is frustrated, not knowing what to do or how to confront him.

“You’re upset,” she points out.

“I’m not upset,” he retaliates, his tone a lot harsher than how he meant it to sound.

“You didn’t call me ‘Babe.’ You didn’t greet me when you came home.” She sits up from her side in his bed, the bedsheets falling just below her neckline. She hugs the sheets tightly to her chest. “You’re clearly upset.”

Truth be told, Lee Jihoon is definitely upset. They are in the middle of their first mini-argument, but it is hard to even begin a full-fledged fight when one side is extremely talkative and open about their feelings while the other side is the polar opposite. And the polar opposite in this situation only wants to sleep in his king-sized bed, too tired to even talk to her. Because in his heart, he knows that he would accidentally take his frustrations built from an amalgamation of happenings out on her through his language, and he knows that the only way to avoid that outcome is to avoid her altogether.

Continuing to look at his ceiling, he stubbornly ignores the woman he holds so precious to his heart, thinking that it would be better that way.

“Lee Jihoon,” she says his full name. “Talk to me. Why won’t you talk to me?”

Muscles tense under his blanket when he hears his name, and he stiffens in his place in bed. He can feel her getting more upset with every second he spends ignoring her – but it’s not like she isn’t used to him ignoring her. That’s how their relationship started anyway.

He knows he could just tell her. He knows he doesn’t even need to look her in the eyes to talk to her, to tell her how much of a bad day he has had. Just a couple minutes explaining how he is upset because the police stopped his men from unloading the grocery stock truck when they mistook the contents of the truck for alcohol, how the police almost found out about the speakeasy, how Seokmin proposed to his sister without his permission, and how he punched Seokmin would have been enough to put the both of them at ease.

But he is as hardheaded as they come, and he doesn’t have an answer for her – he doesn’t know why he won’t share his feelings with her.

A scintillant flash glimmers at the corner of his eye, and his bedroom is much too dark for any regular object to be shining so brightly. So he turns his head toward the object only when it catches his eye another time.

Lo and behold are two brilliant diamonds sitting proudly on her earlobes. And for a man who has seen all of his girlfriend, he has never seen them before – no matter how small they are.

“What are those?” he asks her, sitting up to get a better look at the earrings. And he frowns when he sees something prominent missing from her neck. “Where’s your pearl necklace?”

“Tossed it,” she answers a little too nonchalantly for his liking – as if the necklace that she always wore around her neck as a reminder that she would make it big and replace it with a chain of real pearls someday meant absolutely nothing to her.

“What?” His mouth is agape. His stubborn demeanor attenuates while his curiosity slowly appears.

He thinks that she’s joking – playing a little prank on him. But when he sees her staring at her manicured fingertips, pushing back her cuticles with her thumb, he can only accept the fact that she may not be joking. And it stings him a little because of the number of times she firmly turned his offer to buy her a piece of jewelry – a pearl necklace – as a gift, taking umbrage at his thoughtful request.

“Oh, Hoonie. I know you’re about to lecture me about sticking to my dreams. But I got my first big paycheck from the musical, and I saw how glittery and beautiful the diamond earrings looked at Tiffany’s in the department store so I had to buy them.”

Suddenly, his skin under his latest sleepwear under his heavy duvet blanket feels unbearably hot. He feels agitated by her actions even though it doesn’t pertain to him at all. And even more so, he finds himself furrowing his eyebrows at the way she shifted from being upset with him not wanting to talk to her to suddenly forgetting about her anger just because of some real diamonds from the cheapest section. The thought of everything upsets his stomach and makes his jaw clench so hard that one accidental budge could grind his molars flat.

He knows that he can be a bit of an ass all the time and that before he took their relationship seriously he was still flirting with other women while she stupidly latched onto his arm in his speakeasy. He hates hearing his workers tease him about becoming the type of man who would finally settle down with a lovely dame. Nevertheless, her name used to only form from his lips, while they now form from the innermost portion of his heart. And still spends nights wondering how the hell someone like him can manage to fall in love with someone like her – especially the “live in the moment” type of person.  

“Aww,” she whines while shaking his right arm. “I know you’re doing your dumb calculations in your head. It’s fine. I still have leftover money from when I worked two jobs.” She pauses and continues in a sultry voice, holding his right hand in one hand while she tiptoes her fingers along his bicep, “And, I also had enough money left over from this shopping spree to make another purchase.”

She moves before he can ignore her out of spite, letting her bedsheets fall to the mattress as she stands on her knees. Under the yellow light emitting from the art deco nickel-plated lamp from Jihoon’s bedside is a silhouette, a shadow of her figure, cast against the wall. Milk yellow satin bows that sit on top of her shoulders keep her chemise from falling. And the lingerie itself, a square neckline lined with thin hand-embroidered lace, cinches at the waist and drops downwards in a pillowy-soft see-through fabric. The same thin hand-embroidered lace forms garters around her thighs, holding up knee-high socks with tiny bows sewn in the front.

“You don’t want this?” She teases him by letting go of his hand to trace a finger along her neckline.

“Fuck, baby,” he breathes, holding out his right hand for her to take again. “Of course I want you. Let me take care of you tonight.”

“No, Love.” She crawls over to him, moving her right thigh over his legs until she straddles his hips. Griding down on him, she places her hands around his neck. “Let me.”

Not able to keep his cool-headed persona, his head tips backward so a soft moan can naturally escape his lips. On his lap is the weight of her entire body – random atoms bundled so tightly, creating cells, creating organs, creating and completing the love of his life. He misses her pearls, the stupid piece of cheap jewelry that tarnishes with every scratch against hard surfaces – like his skin when her nails dig into them, leaving bright and stinging red trenches masked by the fire he feels at his core.

The love of his life on top of him, feeling and teasing herself, calling herself names that may never leave the bedroom…he almost wants to bend her over the bathroom sink to wash her mouth, scrub it raw, and peck the pouty lips and then the eyelids where her lashes tickle his bottom lip. Reveling in his private lap dance as much as a man can at half-past three in the morning, he can only stare at her with so much love that the feeling alone sucks and strips away the color in the life around him. And when his mouth is stuffed with her soaked undergarment and she reaches for his pants, he knows he is done for.

Bedsheet roughly thrown to the side, and the weight of its fall knocks over today’s unread paper placed towards the edge of the nightstand. The paper falls to the floor along with the bedsheet and opens to the entertainment page. Leading Lady FIRED, the headline reads. A summary of the contents is as follows: leading lady was fired because she was caught auditioning for another role while she was supposed to be at practice for her current musical, her no-name understudy will take over her role for the rest of the season, and critics hypothesize either the birth of a new shining star or the failure of an entire production caused by a chain of events.

six - fall

A giant star follows the signature that finishes with a flourish, etched with the black expensive ink from the solid gold Sheaffer “Propel – Repel – Expel” Pencil from the Giftie Set that is supposed to come out at the end of October for this upcoming holiday season. The owner of the receipt that is now etched with the signature of someone famous thanks the musical actress again – still trying to fathom how such a famous actress shops at the same local grocery store as she does – before leaving through the front door.

Chic coffee-colored suede fabric of the light long coat in Philippe et Gaston’s winter collection – not yet released and imported straight from Paris – flows and flaps against the current that rushes in when the patron with the signature leaves the grocery store. Once again, the coat peacefully settles right above her calves when the wind breaks its trail. The actress tucks her pen back in its leather case where the second pair of the Giftie Set is missing – in fact, the matching retractable fountain pen rests in the lapel of the grocery store owner’s coat at all times. She drops the case in her black clutch and snaps it close. Old cut, 0.40-carat yellow and platinum diamonds – two of them in oval drops – collect and accentuate the front of her open collar, gifted by her loving boyfriend. They sparkle against the afternoon sunlight that shines through the shop’s open windows, glimmering and glistening like the love they are meant to represent.

The understudy-turned-leading lady adjusts how her white cloche hat sits on top of her head before turning to look at Seungcheol who leans against the wall behind the cashier counter, furiously whispering into the telephone. It seems as if he doesn’t want to be disturbed, or even be acknowledged. He quickly hangs up the phone and rushes through the backdoor, straight to his boss’s office.

The second owner of the store, the sister, recommends the newspaper with the musical reviews to a customer. There’s a sly smile on her face, the hidden excitement of knowing that the actress whose glowing musical reviews in the newspaper is only a few feet away. Still, she maintains her polite and professional front.

Softly humming to herself while walking around the store, the actress thinks about the items she wants to pick up for her new agent before she meets him for the first time at the radio station. She settles on a soft drink for him and water, no, tea for herself before going to the counter where her fake sister-in-law waits.

“You waiting for Hoon?” the younger one asks while grabbing a brown paper bag from under the counter.

“Yeah,” she sighs while unclasping her bag so she can reach in to grab her coin pouch. “I was supposed to remind him about the radio show today, but he left the house in a rush. I rang him a few times, but I couldn’t even reach him.” She shakes her head while unzipping her coin pouch with her gloved hands.

The cashier tsks and pushes the outstretched hand with the coins away, “Just take the bag. You know my brother will come for my head if he finds out you visited and paid for something. How can I wear a veil during my wedding if I don’t have a head?”

“And you know it hurts my dignity knowing that I can afford at least two drinks,” she pushes back. “Plus, Seokmin would love you even without that pretty head of yours.”

“Take the bag, and bunk off. Dingus,” she mutters, her cadence eerily mirroring that of her brother’s.

“Don’t call her a Dingus.” Jihoon’s voice appears out of nowhere. He finishes tying his apron around his back before shoving his sister to the side. “Only I can call her Dingus.”

“Nobody can call me a Dingus,” the girlfriend remarks and proceeds to drop her coins in the tip jar before taking her bag of drinks from the counter. “Flag me a cab, yeah? I came to remind you about today’s show.”

Immediately acquiescing to her request, he nods his head and quickly scrambles to meet her on the other side. He grabs the paper bag from her arms, afraid that it may be too heavy for her, and guides her to the front of the store. From there, he brings his thumb and pointer finger together and puts them between his lips, whistling loudly to flag a cab.

“Today at three,” he smiles at her. “I didn’t forget.”

A cab pulls to the curb before he can strike up a conversation with her, and he has no choice but to help her in the cab and hand the paper bag back to its owner. And it hurts him a little more when the cab driver drives off before he can kiss her on the cheek. But watching her head pop out of the window while the cab drives away and that big smile of hers coupled with a waving hand, he can’t help but feel like the luckiest man on this Earth.

---

“You closed the shop early and demanded us to come in not for training but because of your girlfriend?” Chan, the part-time bouncer slowly asks as if he is trying to understand his boss’s thought process. “Hoonie wants us to help him get a radio shout-out from his kitten? Meow?”

Mingyu immediately tosses the student over his shoulder and heads over to the speakeasy before Jihoon can physically lunge at his worker. Seungcheol, who may be the only employee who can physically restrain the man without getting fired, lets go of Jihoon when Mingyu and Chan are finally gone.

“Anybody who stays for the entire duration gets a bonus,” Jihoon growls while straightening his collar.

The rest of the group nods and mumble among themselves as their boss adjusts the radio they have all crowded around to the correct frequency. Instantaneously, a familiar laugh fills the tense atmosphere and eases everybody it reaches.

Wow. I can’t believe both of you knew what you wanted to be and where you wanted to go since you were kids, the radio host recounts. Your parents must be so proud.

They are. A masculine voice – the seasoned musical lead. They have a collection of posters from all of the musicals I’ve been in…signed by the cast and everything. They’re so special to me.

That’s so sweet of them to do so, the host responds. Speaking of special people, and I’m pretty sure everybody tuning in wants to know, does our leading lady currently have someone special?

Jihoon’s ears perk up when he hears the question and immediately glow bright red when he notices several pairs of eyes trained on him. He shoots a glare at his crowd before awkwardly adjusting in his seat while he waits for his beloved to respond.

Oh, me? She giggles. I’m happily single.

And the answer shocks everybody – the grocery store becomes so quiet that you can only hear the hums emitting from the refrigerators.

So you’re saying if you’re single and your handsome co is also single, the host presses, then that means there’s a chance that the two of you could possibly become a couple by the end of your season?

Laughter – hearty guffaws from the radio and small awkward hiccups on the other end of the radio.

I mean, the host recounts, word on the street is that there are quite a few kiss scenes in this musical. Not to mention the chemistry the two of you share on stage and off stage. No wonder it’s so popular!

The door to Jihoon’s office slams shut, echoing throughout the establishment. It is only then that the employees of the Diamond Glass finally notice that their boss has angrily left the scene.

seven - fall

Holding her jaw open with one hand, Jihoon bends over and watches his spit fall onto her awaiting tongue, how the liquid bubbles and collapses against the papillae of the muscular organ. Once he shuts her mouth, his hand moves back to her throat where he can clearly feel the way her Adam’s apple bobs against the palm of his hand when she swallows his spit.

Every time he squeezes her esophagus, her velvet walls clench and flutter around his cock while she prays and begs him to take off her blindfold.

But he doesn’t respond. Even when he hears her beg, her: Daddy, Daddy, please. Please take off my blindfold so I can be a proper slut, so you can ruin my pussy. Use me, please. He doesn’t budge. Not today.

Tonight, Lee Jihoon is not taking any requests: he only has one goal on mind.

He has her body memorized – the familiar feeling of hitting the exact spongy part to cause her to orgasm, how much pressure the rough pads of his fingertips must exert on her clit. He rolls his hips for her to take him in deeper until his throbbing tip reaches an end, and he extracts himself and thrusts inwards without pause. The hand around her neck loosens and travels downwards towards her breasts, cupping, squeezing, and pinching the nipples until they turn into sore and hard little nubs. He massages them and watches how they fill the gaps between his fingers with every rough squeeze.

She’s as loud as ever. Back arching, she begs her boyfriend to make her feel good instead of playing with her. She’s already tired of being used despite her excessive begging.

As much as he knows exactly how to make her come undone, he knows exactly the steps he has to take to make himself feel good in her. And he grabs both thighs, pushing them back and spreading them wide to give himself a better angle. Roughly, he rocks his hips into her tight little pussy with so much force that it sends her sliding a few inches backward, the bed creaking.

“Oh- FUCK!” she gasps.

Thrusting aggressively, he bites his bottom lip while he stares at the headboard ahead of him. His fingers dig deep into her thighs and she struggles to moan as her entire body jostles up and down in repeated motions. Everything comes out in segments.

He fucks her roughly and without any ounce of kindness. And when her pussy could clamp around his cock just a few moments ago, it fails to hold on the more she becomes his personal fucktoy instead of his girlfriend. She’s confused and horny, her pussy feeling sore yet amazing while being ripped apart by his thick and veiny cock; he’s close to his release.

The thing is, she’s not even close to coming when his hips jerk and buck in place before he finishes in her. He silently pulls out, rolls off his condom, ties it, and tosses it in the trash can while leaving her in bed. He doesn’t even give her a second glance when he tells her he is headed for the roof.

“What the fuck,” she mutters under her breath while she plants her feet against the mattress. She rips the blindfold off her face and decides that if he’s not going to help her finish, she would do it herself.

If he doesn’t need her, then she sure as hell doesn’t need him.

---

She watches him from the door to the roof as he inhales and lets the pillowy smoke flow out of his mouth. It’s interesting to her how the length of a couple of days can turn two people, as close as they are, into complete strangers. And she is lost as to how such a loving man, no matter how cold he may seem to those who aren’t acquainted with him, could ever act as if his love for her somehow became conditional. 

People say that love can keep people even in the coldest and darkest places warm. Maybe she does believe it to be true, but now, staring at the man she loves the most from a few feet away, the warmth feels more like a memory than a presence. Midnight air nips at her skin, raising goosebumps and causing her arm hairs to stand straight, while he looks blissful or at least contented to be alone with his pack of cigarettes. She doesn’t even know that he had a pack on him. 

People also say that love can make you become either really brave or really dumb, but that’s like comparing apples to oranges. Even she is confused about whether or not confronting him at the top of his brownstone tonight is the bravest or dumbest thing she can do. But her actions happen before she can really register what is it that she wants from him. 

“Is this about me not kissing you before I got into the cab the other day?” Okay, at least it comes off as a passive joke to hide her anger. “It’s because we were in public.”

“Since when have you ever cared about kissing in public?” he gruffs, making it a point to turn his body away from hers. 

His irritable attitude towards her makes her tick. And she scoffs, “Stop bullshitting me, Jihoon. If you miss a kiss, then you can make up for it later on. And I did.” She marches towards the side he is facing and leans against the half-wall balcony. “Remember how we promised to always be open about what’s bothering us? Like the night where I bought the diamond earrings and you were pissed about the engagement?”

“Oh, so it’s my fault.” He rolls his eyes. His temper isn’t the best either. 

“When the fuck did I say it’s your fault?”

“Watch your mouth,” he mutters. 

“Watch my mouth?” she criticizes his hypocrisy. “You won’t even open your mouth to tell me about what’s bothering you. What am I? Some sort of scapegoat for your anger?”

“My anger?” he asks, pointing at himself with the hand that holds his cigarette between his knuckles. His question is rhetorical as well as the answer, but his ego refuses to accept the fact that she isn’t wrong. 

“Yes, your anger,” her voice suddenly calmed. “Please work with me here. Can’t you see I’m trying to solve whatever this is between us? Is it because of Jeonghan’s comment? About how he heard about the unscripted kiss during one of our scenes?”

“So it was real,” he scoffs, turning his head to look at the view ahead of him. He wishes that the soft breeze which tickles and ruffles the tops of the several rows of trees below him can also whisk him away from this conversation. 

“Acting, Jihoon. It was just us acting.” She can’t believe the productive conversation she imagined having with his is taking a turn for the worst. 

“Why don’t you just date him instead because, apparently, I’m not your boyfriend anymore.” His retort is unfairly childish, but it implies some of his underlying concerns are slowly making their way to his surface. His mouth tastes dry and the warm and fuzzy high he felt before she disturbed his peace is already gone. He taps the ashes away against the brick edge before bringing the bud to his lips again. 

“Is this what was bothering you the whole time? The scripted radio show?” She sighs and brings her hand up to her temple to pinch and rub away the pain. Instead, she only feels a swelling sensation form and collects in the inner corners of her eyes. “It was the first time I met this new agent. And I had to listen to him because of his experience in the industry. He said that revealing our relationship might ruin my career, especially taking into consideration how hard I’ve worked for it. So I couldn’t discuss the boyfriend thing with you ahead of time because it was sprung on me the minute I sat down with him.” 

To her side is a man who had grown accustomed to having a cup of tea every morning instead of his usual cup of coffee after learning that his girlfriend doesn’t drink coffee. A man who regularly keeps his kitchen shelves stocked with various teas around the world as his way of saying how much he loves her, he could help but appease his curiosity as to what some measly leaves could offer to a person. The difference in caffeine made him feel a bit woozy at first, a remarkable We should call you Woozi with an I from the way you keep slipping in and out of consciousness from the one called Vernon. But now, he finds pleasure in walking around with a white mug, the tea bag’s string expertly looped twice around the top of the mug’s handle, tucked between his knuckles and mug.  

She knows how much of an asshole he can be, how hard it is for him to physically say “I love you” when others are around, and how he finds it challenging to even begin to open up and talk about his problems. But it may be her greatest downfall, believing that she could completely change a man whose flaws drew her in like a moth towards an open flame.

“I hate it when you smoke,” her voice quivers. She feels small next to the well-built man beside her, but she doesn’t know whether or not she should continue to try to reason with a brick wall. “It’s bad for my lungs.”

The thing is, Lee Jihoon is a good listener. Probably trained by his sister after taking care of her by himself for so many years, his listening skills make up for his lack of good communication skills. And he snuffs his half-burned cigarette against the brick edge, tossing it to the floor of the roof and rendering it destroyed with the heel of his shoe.

When he wraps her in his arms as a way of saying Sorry, I was in the wrong, she notices how cold he must be feeling. His cold skin immediately burns hot the moment it comes into contact with hers.

“I’m sorry. Don’t cry.” His apology is muffled against her strands of hair. “I really do love you.”

“Do you think we’ll be fine?” She asks him. It’s more of a need for confirmation – the reason for confirmation is murky.

“I don’t know.” His heart feels like it’s beating harder than usual, and he’s pretty sure she can also feel it. “I’ll try.”

Jealousy is a vile disease that can overtake and completely alter a person. And she realizes that the man who usually instills jealousy in those around him is also capable of being infected.

eight - winter

Tonight’s drink of choice is his usual Manhattan poured into a whiskey glass and garnished with a fresh slice of lemon instead of his usual olive, cherry, or lemon peel twist. However, it sits untouched on a handmade coaster on the desk in its owner’s office while the owner is nowhere to be found. Condensation on the outside surface of the glass pools at the bottom of the circular glass, held together in a ring thanks to cohesion forces. The cubed block of ice that sat in the middle of the sink now floats to the top in a sort of watery layer just above the alcohol. Pitch-black is what describes the office – nobody would even know Lee Jihoon considered drinking alcohol tonight, let alone visited his office.

Joshua thinks his boss is probably in his office calculating the cost of each ounce of alcohol against the recipe for every drink, knowing how stingy he can be. He also notices the lack of a cheerful presence that makes his boss’s ears flush bright red. But he doesn’t say anything about it, after all, bartenders are always here for the gossip but never participate in spreading gossip.

Jihoon sits in the dark of his grocery store near the entrance where the porch light shines brightly through the glass windows. His shoulder blades, especially the upper area towards the middle of his neck and shoulders, are screaming in pain. And the empty crate he uses as a stool is anything but comfortable.

It’s not a particularly big grocery store. It’s more like a rectangular hole-in-the-wall about the size of the speakeasy's kitchen. There are open crates of neatly stacked fruits and vegetables in front of the counters for customers to choose themselves while all of the other goods are behind the counters. Where walls of groceries line the four walls and the walking space is only large enough to have five different customers comfortably shop at once, Jihoon feels that the tiny front for his speakeasy becomes his sort of personal sanctuary. His sister is barely at home now that she’s in the process of moving most of her stuff to Seokmin’s place, and the tiny changes he made around the house to accommodate his girlfriend remind him too much of her. His office is much too cold and stress-inducing to be in alone during Winter. And the speakeasy is noisy and rowdy where his presence only instills fear in others or causes him to be whisked away in some conversation he doesn’t want to take part in.

So sitting in the only place he can seem to find comfort may be the only way he can truly accept the fact that in the ninth month of getting to know the woman with the big dreams and fake pearls, she is slowly becoming a stranger to him as he is to her.

A single kiss, a peck on the cheek is what she would leave him with before parting every time he dropped her off at the backdoor of the matinee. Now she has a private chauffeur who picks her and her agent up to bring them to wherever her schedule needs her to appear. And it tore out a piece of his heart when she told him that it was for the best especially when she started developing a strong hatred towards speakeasies. In fact, most of their more recent fights were about his job and how she can’t be around people who are associated with something so illegal and vile.

For two people who spent the majority of the year together, each recent meeting feels like an awkward exchange between two people whose lives are moving ahead with barely any space for the other to exist. Where one is preparing for the end of her musical run and the new musical production she’s been cast in, the other one is busy switching seasonal grocery stock and preparing his speakeasy for a VIP. She’s been on more fake dates in a week with her co-star in an industry-fueled scheme to generate more revenue before the musical run ends than she has in a month with her real boyfriend. Even the thrill of sneaking around with each other seemed to have worn off.

One is a woman who came from nothing and now has everything she ever wanted and wants more. The other is a man who came from something and is content with what he has.

Perhaps the thing he most wants is to understand her just a little more. He doesn’t understand the new words and phrases she integrated into her daily jargon and wonders about what or how she thinks of him now that she is on the way to having everything she ever wanted. It’s not like he wants more, no. He’s truly content with what he has. But he can’t help but wonder if love is just the beautiful landscape she spends some time driving through on her road to the glitz and glamour of stardom. If he is simply a backdrop, then why did she even want to pursue him in the first place? Why did he allow himself to fall in love? Why was she so adamant about picking up all of her phony loose pearls when she doesn’t care about buying real ones anymore?

Jihoon knows that life is as fragile as the soft waxy pear he holds in his hand – how a fruit could be so delicate to the touch, but farmers still swatch on a layer of protective wax to keep it from getting bruised and dehydrated with hopes that the fruit would journey safely into somebody’s grocery bag. One single and firm squeeze of the fruit in his palm could turn it into mush and have the juice drip down his fist in globs. Driving a single stomp through the barrel of neatly stacked pears would not save them from becoming absolutely demolished. Protective wax does nothing. Trying to protect himself from getting hurt like that thin coat of fruit wax does absolutely nothing as long as he is in love. And love may just as well be something as fragile as life.

Hand reaching for nothing and hitting the inside of an empty crate, Jihoon quickly retracts his hand while feeling a bit embarrassed for not noticing that he’s done stocking the pears. Having nothing to do causes a wave of loneliness, no, nostalgia to wash over him like the moonlight over the tumbling ocean waves. The fact that she brings up the fact that he owns a speakeasy every time they argue is frequent enough that the thought always lingers at the back of his mind. He can’t comprehend how she somehow started hating speakeasies almost overnight and hates the fact that he is the owner of one. She tells him that it would be better if he left the speakeasy to Seungcheol to manage the grocery store full-time. Looking at everything around him from the walls of products to the shiny wooden floors to the long flowerbeds placed against the walls of windows, he doesn’t know if he could ever give up the speakeasy to work at a place he loves so dearly. Maybe one day in the future when the Prohibition gets lifted, he would turn the speakeasy into something else.

Right now, he is not willing to give up something that he loves. The Diamond Glass is his home, and his employees are his family members. Giving up something as precious as his speakeasy is not something that he would even consider putting on his bargaining table even if it means losing the love of his life. Unwillingness to give up on something he loves for someone whom he loves results in him thinking about the version of his love in the darkness of the grocery store. The version of her with the flimsy dress, the version of her as a fling, the version of her he was afraid to love, the version of her as his love, the version of her he is growing apart from – he thinks about them all. Imagining an alternate universe where she is as unchanging as he is, a version where they can wake up in bed together only to laze around till four in the afternoon – it might be a selfish concept, he thinks. Previously uninhabited space in his brain, now filled with her to the brim, he’s not strong enough for it to spill over until it empties.

A flood of light washes into the grocery store at an angle when the employee door behind the counter opens. Choi Seungcheol stands at its opening with an unsmiling look on his face. Jihoon looks back at the older man, pausing before he sighs and wipes his hands on his pants.

“They’re in your office,” Seungcheol tells his boss.

“Who the hell let them in here?” Jihoon sighs while standing up, stretching his back before heading towards where his employee stands. It doesn’t take many contexts to fully understand what Seungcheol meant when he used the pronoun. Even more so, Jihoon immediately deduced the topic of the incoming conversation and the approximate amount of time the less-than-amicable conversation would take.

“I dunno,” the older man shrugs. “It’s not like we can turn them away. We do need business with them.”

nine - winter

Bursting through the office door and swinging the door open with so much force that the door ricochets off the wooden doorstop and wobbles while being supported by its hinges, she stomps with a fury unmatched by no other. In her wake are a scorching fire and the apologetic part-time bouncer who tried his best to stop her without ever laying a hand on her.

“I-I’m sorry. I tried,” the bouncer with the circular glasses tries to explain himself to his boss. “I-I told her that today’s not a good day, and that you’re-”

“I’m going to make you develop a complex,” the boss seethes through his teeth without moving his mouth to attempt a straight and dignified-looking expression in her presence. Capping his solid gold Sheaffer pen from the old gift set, dropping the expensive item on his stack of papers, and leaning back in his office chair with an annoyed expression on his face is more than enough to send bouncer out the door, scrambling and slamming the door shut behind him.

Jihoon doesn’t respond to his girlfriend, though he makes sure to look at her, studying her smudged stage makeup and the new expensive decoration that hangs from her neck. Silence between the couple becomes a waiting game, a game that anticipates the drop of a guillotine strong enough to cut the tension developed. Pulling the lever, she slices through and continues the journey she embarked on since her last show.

“Lee Jihoon,” his name cracks like a lightning strike – powerful yet lonely – emitted from her atmosphere. “How could you?”

Outside the guarded office door, the VIP speakeasy crowd roars in laughter and cheers. Glasses clink and specially ordered wooden chairs scrape against the sticky floors while speakeasy singers entertain their audience for the night. If Lee Jihoon is the owner and boss of this establishment, then the middle-aged woman who sits at the circular mini table right in front of the stage is the king.

This middle-aged woman with a kind face whose deep smile lines appear when she smiles at others in her acknowledgment is the sole supplier of the Diamond Glass’s alcohol. One misstep, one thought of collusion against her, one simple miscalculation on proposals can erase the Diamond Glass from existence including its workers, leaving the local police with a cold case unsolved for years because they would have nothing, to begin with. Hoping to never upset the king before the Prohibition ends, Lee Jihoon will do anything to maintain his healthy and trustworthy relationship with her and her cohort.

Right now, with her in his office, there is so much more than just simply trying to be business partners with the speakeasy’s current private clients. Because of this, agitation is what makes his leg shake. Fear is what causes him to snap at his girlfriend. Ultimately, this sparks a negative chain reaction foreseeable by anybody since the beginning of Autumn.

Get out are the only two words he can manage to snap at her. His right pointer finger pointed at his office door and his right arm trembles in its extension. Himself, the man sitting in his office chair, feels nothing but anger and fear from seeing his girlfriend in a place in which she should not be seen – a place she upbraided and proclaimed to be untenable in its legality.

“How could you?” she asks again in an accusing tone, her hands forming into tight balls of fists so that her knuckles visibly pale. “You liar. You promised you would be there for my last show. Why weren’t you there? You have so many employees working for you, and you’re not even out there. You’re just sitting in your office doing something you can do another time. Everybody’s partners were there for them at the afterparty yet I rushed here.”

Jihoon sits up from his seat, folding his hands on his desk. He takes a good look at the musical actress in front of him – prim and proper looking, her hair styled in neat curls, and the elegant and flowy black Lanvin Robe de Style which he finds to indicate she took time to change out of her costume into something non-inconspicuous. Paris’s House of Creed’s Angélique Encens set to be released in the early 1930s floats around her like a thin veil of mist. The sensual powdery-floral cut by the salty ambergris beautifully blended with vanilla and tuberose was said to be a pre-release gift from the founder of the perfume house. He thinks about the time when she accidentally dropped the perfume bottle she bought back in ’17 on her wooden floors. She thought nothing of the accident – no indication of dejection while picking up the broken pieces of glass and causally mentioned the perfume incident in an interview. The next day, a fresh bottle and a bouquet of roses were gifted to her from the perfumery. He’s not sure if the new bottle ever made it out of her closet. He’s not the type to compare himself to others – no, his confidence and self-assurance are too high for that – but he can’t help but wonder whether or not he can say her name the way he used to.

When you love someone, a name isn’t formed from the mouth but from the heart. The image of her in his head, once formed and sculpted from his skinny love, still exists in his hippocampus. Happiness when he sees her, the rush of dopamine when he feels her fall asleep again him after a long day, never originated from the limbic cortex. Fully believing it, even now at this moment despite the circumstances, he believes it was passed to him by her. Where her name is formed from his heart, she is his entire heart. And it hurts him to even consider the fact that she he holds close to his heart may just as well walk away with a piece of him that would never be returned.

It is the last time he says her name from his heart. He tells her to leave, that it’s not safe. He doesn’t want his bodyguards to ever lay a hand on her. It’s for the best, he tells her. We’ll talk about it tomorrow. He’s afraid of the fact that literal gangsters in the building would scare her, and he’s not about to compromise her integrity. For her sake, he feels that keeping the fact to himself, letting her walk over him if she has to, may keep her safe.

“But there’s no tomorrow,” she almost wails, stomping her feet even. She’s frustrated that she had to attend the party celebrating the end of the season alone, frustrated over his stolid attitude over everything. She just wishes he could’ve been there with her experiencing one of the most important moments of her life.

Shooting out of his chair, sending it backward from the force with which he pulls himself up, he slams his hands on his desk. “Leave,” he yells at her.

“Choose,” she lays down her ultimatum for him. “Me or the speakeasy.”

“Diamond Glass,” he chooses without hesitation. Albeit, the expression he notices form on her face causes him to feel restive in his response. “Me or your fake boyfriend?”

“Fake boyfriend?” She feels her skin prick with coldness. “Do you have to bring him up every time we get into an argument?”

“What?” The tone of his voice is anything but amicable. “So you’re only here to argue with me for a little bit before you storm off to your little boy toy. What happened to compromise? What happened to me being the most important person in your life?”

“Compromise?” She seethes. “I literally told you that my new agent sprung it upon me when I met him.”

“The easiest phrase you can say as an actress is ‘no comment.’ Or are you so far up your ass and your glitz and glamour that all you can do is be hotsy-totsy with all the men around you? Do you even think about me? Or do I only appear in your mind when you need me?”

“So what about me living the life I always wanted? So what if I have to fake date rich men while keeping this persona they built for me? Men, any men, regular men, rich men, they can all get in and out of relationships and marriages whenever they please and they wouldn’t be shamed for it. They can marry whenever and whoever they please and not be looked down upon. This includes you, Jihoon,” her voice dips when she says his name. There is a crack in her voice that Jihoon absolutely hates hearing because it means anything but her happiness. “All they want women to do is marry and have kids. But I get to escape that expectation because of my job. The leading lady was fired because she auditioned for another job. So what if the world found out that the understudy had a boyfriend? I would be a joke. I would be forced out of the industry, blacklisted for not taking my job seriously.”

“Why do you care so much about what other people think?” He almost wants to shout at her, to hurl his chair against the wall. “Given my connections, you would never be forced out of the industry.”

“You don’t get it do you?” Her knees buckle. “I never wanted to rely on you.”

“Then what did you want me for?” He can’t contain himself anymore. He shouts at her in frustration. “A good fuck? A summer fling? Someone to fix because your life was so boring before me?”

“I just wanted you by my side,” she shouts back.

“And I was always by your side.” He’s so frustrated that tears well up in the inner corners of his eyes. “I was always by your side even when I wasn’t in love with you. I was by your side this whole time even if you never felt it. I was by your side even when I didn’t understand. When I didn’t understand why you loved me. When I didn’t understand the words that came out of your mouth. When I didn’t understand why you don’t even look at me the way you used to.”

“And what was the way I used to-” She cuts herself off, stopping so she can point her head to the ceiling so that he doesn’t have to look at her sob. “Fuck.” The realization slaps her in the face.

“Shit,” Jihoon has no choice but to cuss. His face stabs with pain, and his arms feel numb. But heaping globs of tears stream down his face, and he breaks down on his spot – choked sobs and trembling shoulders, unable to look her in the eye. He also realizes the same thing – she doesn’t love him anymore.

Lee Jihoon doesn’t remember how he ended up in the middle of the VIP party’s crowd, drunk off of giggle water. Tonight, he can’t even bring himself to flirt with the woman who he plants himself behind, bringing her ass to his dick while she grinds on him on the dance floor. Everything feels so foreign to him – letting go, straying from his usual Manhattan, people prying him off of someone new, crying, being single, sobbing, crashing on someone’s couch, blacking out. He doesn’t know who he is or where he is. The only thing he remembers is seeing a piece of his heart leave when she left him in his office and the realization that they are no more.

Not even a sense of familiarity can rush over his inebriated self when he feels a heavy blanket cover his shivering body. Seungcheol, no; his sister, no; Seokmin…the king? He can’t quite differentiate whose couch it is that he is laying on or who it is who is consoling him.

“We can never go back to who we were before love,” the unidentified voice reassures him. “After love, we are just as different. But it takes time to create a better us than who we were when we were in love. After all, time and feelings change. You have loved yourself before, Jihoon. And you will love yourself again.”  

“Feel broken,” he manages to slur through his tears. He hasn’t stopped crying since being dragged out of the speakeasy “Gone.”

“But it doesn’t mean you can’t find yourself in the future.”

epilogue - spring '39

Lee Jihoon carries a toddler in his arm, someone whose eyes curl the same way he does when he smiles. He hands him an apple, a gorgeous waxy Red Delicious that is arguably too big for the toddler’s hands.

“Hold tight,” Jihoon tells the child. “Or it would fall and roll away. Then we can’t sell the apple.”

But the fruit immediately falls from the toddler’s hands, bouncing and rolling towards the other side of the newly renovated grocery store.

After all these years, the mom-and-pop grocery store manned by the Diamond Glass’s workers and families still stands proudly while facing the busy street before it. And the Diamond Glass, converted into a bar, has since made a name for itself after the Prohibition. The establishment with its criminal origins, instead of deterring people away, only attracts and appeals to the public.

The bell above the front door clanks when a new customer steps inside. And the quick burst of air caused by the act of opening the door drowns out what the new customer says to their driver.

In the meantime, Jihoon sighs and looks at the child in his arms – the kid whose lips quiver from making a mistake. He decides to let him go and squats to tell him that his mom would send him into exile if he ever made him cry. “Even worse,” he whispers to the child, “Seokmin would cry if he ever saw you cry. And you know how much your dad cries. But go get Uncle Seungcheol for me. We need more people in the front.”

A few minutes after the boss feels a gentle tap on his right shoulder. But he chooses to ignore them and instead calls for Seungcheol to help with the customer. He feels the tap again, this time with a little more pressure. So he turns his head from his stack of apples on the ground, looking up at the customer standing behind him.

She holds the dusty and bruised apple in her outstretched hand. And he notices the freshly coated swatch of lacquer that decorates her nails. His eyes trace up her gams to her tweed Chanel skirt and the matching blazer which sculpts her shoulders. In contrast to her expensive designer wear is the scuffed and faded pearl necklace which sits proudly around her neck – a contrasting centerpiece to her outfit. And he can tell that they’re fake, just like the ones that scattered and clacked against his once illegally sticky speakeasy floors.

Seungcheol’s head pops from the doorframe to the employee door behind the grocery store counter. “Who is it?” he asks his boss.

Jihoon looks at her in her eyes, the same pair of twinkling eyes he could never forget, and answers his question, “An old friend.”

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[brostateexam]

ATS stands for Applicant Tracking System. It's just software. Some of them have automation included but the automation is just as garbage on the hiring side as it is everywhere else. Making your resume "ATS friendly" is making it recruiter friendly, because there is a real human reviewing your resume for the vast majority of these jobs. Even high volume roles that try to have automation to weed people out will still look at people in the auto-reject pile because the filtering tools are, once again, garbage. And because if you're doing high volume recruiting you can't afford to be picky about things like how people format their resume, and that is all automation does on a good day: differentiate between "this is formatted like a resume" and "this looks like a serial killer's demand letter."

Ask me about single-handedly staffing up a call center from 20 people to 80 people in the span of 4 months. I read a lot of resumes that would have been better rendered in eyebrow pencil on a cocktail napkin, and I interviewed some of those people anyhow, and even hired a few.

You people sound like TikTokkers talking about The Algorithm.

[bravecrab]

I was just listening to a podcast about the Peter Thiel backed Enhanced Games, a proposed alternative Olympics in which doping would not only be allowed but be the whole point. It's not an original idea, as long as doping has been in the conversation about the Olympics, there's always been people flippantly saying that they should just do something like the Enhanced Games, see how far we can push it. What's the harm?

There are plenty harms related in using cocktails of drugs to push the human body past it's natural limits, and there are plenty people who have made these comments in regards to the Enhanced Games. However a harm that I haven't seen mentioned yet, is the normalisation of pharmaceutical drug use and associating it with "peak physical performance". The Enhanced Games would be more than just an exhibition of sport, it would be a marketing platform for the pharmaceutical industry. Each athlete would have their own team to build them into the perfect athlete, more like Formula One, although who knows if the athletes will have to wear the brand logos on all their gear, so the audience know who sells the best steroids.

Let's not beat around the bush, an event that focuses on finely tuning the human body into a "perfect" form, is eugenics. The proponents of the Enhanced Games will deny it, but they want it to be successful and influential. They want it to be more successful than the Olympics. And that will require a normalisation of Eugenics.

A philosophy of domination is behind both the Enhanced Games and the Olympics. It's always been about peak fitness, as well as geopolitical bragging rights. A mindset of domination has always been used to justify eugenics, domination theology stating that God created the Earth for human consumption, and that of all creatures, Man is closest to God. That's been weaponized as white supremacy and as patriarchy, amongst many other oppressive norms, making claims through pseudo-science, that white, cis, straight men are the pinnacle of humanity. Both events are an exhibition of dominance, and while the Enhanced Games is definitely worse, the Olympics still promotes an idea that the winners are just Great Athletes, and their winning has nothing to do with factors like national wealth and resources.

Another concern I have over an event that normalises enhancing bodies beyond human limits, is that it will attempt to normalise it in work places. Despite advances in automation, a lot of physical work is still done by humans, and will remain that way as long as it is cheaper. If one of the biggest sporting events endorses performance enhancers, it's not a stretch for them to become popularly used in physical workplaces. I've done many years of warehousing work, and guys in those jobs are very much into the idea of being the biggest and strongest. Employers will definitely be happy to exploit this.

I think an event like Enhanced Games is easy to overlook. The concept has been the curiosity of a lot of people as soon as they're aware of doping. However it's the involvement of ghouls like Peter Thiel, people with a TESCREAL philosophy (Transhumanism, Extropianism, Singularitarianism, Cosmism, Rationalism, Effect Altruism, Long-termism), who want to control the future of all humankind, that make this worrying. These are billionaires who want to sell you your greatest sci fi fantasies, while maintaining a firm grasp on the controls. A future in which Peak Human Performance requires you to buy a steady supply of performance enhancing drugs, is one in which the Pharmaceutical industry is perpetually wealthy.

I'd also like to include that there is also the potential of a backlash to an event like Enhanced Games, it which all forms of alterations and modifications to the human body are labelled as evil and impure, which will likely be used to endorse transphobia.

[sunshinesmebdy]

Moon in Virgo: Tidy Up Your Biz and Harvest Financial Abundance

Astrologers, rejoice! Business gurus, unite! Because under the meticulous gaze of the Moon in Virgo, it's time to blend cosmic wisdom with practical strategy. Get ready for a potent mix of grounded energy, keen analysis, and a sprinkle of earthy magic ready to boost your business and finances.

Virgo's Virgo-ness: Picture a spotless spreadsheet, a perfectly balanced budget, and a to-do list so organized it whispers sweet satisfaction. That's Virgo's domain. When the Moon dances through this earth sign, it brings a laser focus on details, a knack for efficiency, and an urge to declutter both your physical and financial spaces.

Business Benefits:

Sharpened Skills: Hone your expertise, take that online course, or finally master that new software. Virgo's energy fuels learning and skill development, making you a powerhouse of knowledge and competence.

Channel your inner Hermione Granger under the Virgo Moon! Devour knowledge like polyjuice potion, mastering that new software with flick-of-the-wand ease. Whether it's an online course on astrological forecasting or the intricacies of blockchain technology, Virgo's studious energy makes you a sponge for information, transforming you into a confident, competence-wielding powerhouse ready to tackle any business challenge.

Streamlined Operations: Virgo loves a well-oiled machine. Use this lunar phase to audit your business processes, identify bottlenecks, and implement systems that save time and resources.

Don your efficiency hat, because under the meticulous Virgo Moon, streamlining your business becomes a cosmically ordained quest. Scrutinize processes like a celestial accountant, unearthing time-sucking bottlenecks and banishing them with automated spells (aka, handy new systems). Watch as email chains unfurl into streamlined communication channels, meetings morph into laser-focused action sessions, and your once-chaotic workflow hums like a perfectly tuned engine, freeing up precious time and resources for your entrepreneurial magic to truly shine.

Networking with Purpose: Quality over quantity is Virgo's motto. Connect with potential clients or collaborators who share your values and expertise. Think strategic partnerships, not random coffee chats.

Forget the business card bingo of generic gatherings – Virgo's discerning Moon demands quality connections. Seek out collaborators and clients who mirror your values and expertise, like kindred spirits drawn together by constellations of shared passion. Think chess match, not cocktail party. Craft targeted pitches that resonate with their specific needs, and cultivate strategic partnerships that feel like cosmically ordained alliances. This intentional networking isn't about collecting contacts, it's about igniting mutually beneficial collaborations that propel your business towards the stars.

Marketing Magic: Craft targeted campaigns that speak directly to your ideal customer's needs. Virgo's analytical prowess helps you understand your audience and deliver messaging that resonates.

Under the analytical gaze of the Virgo Moon, ditch the shotgun marketing blasts and unleash laser-focused campaigns that whisper sweet nothings to your ideal customer's soul. Virgo's eagle eye pinpoints their deepest desires and pain points, transforming you into a messaging maestro. Craft content that speaks their language, addresses their specific struggles, and showcases your solutions like the missing puzzle piece to their perfect life. Let go of generic pitches and embrace storytelling that resonates with their values, because under this lunar influence, targeted marketing isn't just effective, it's downright magical.

Financial Fortunes:

Budgeting Bliss: Break out the spreadsheets and get granular. Categorize expenses, track income, and create a budget that feels secure and sustainable. Virgo loves a balanced bottom line.

Spreadsheets sing and budgets balance under the Virgo Moon! Unleash your inner accounting alchemist and transform financial chaos into crystal-clear clarity. Categorize expenses with the precision of a cosmic librarian, track every penny like a moonbeam, and craft a budget that feels not like a restrictive cage, but a beautifully organized, secure haven for your financial future. Virgo craves equilibrium, so find that sweet spot where income and outgoings waltz in perfect harmony, leaving you feeling abundant and empowered, the maestro of your own financial orchestra.

Debt Disposal: Tackle outstanding debts with renewed determination. Negotiate better terms, make extra payments, and experience the liberation of financial freedom.

Ditch the debt demon and embrace the warrior spirit under the Virgo Moon! Channel your inner debt disposal dragon, breathing fire upon outstanding balances with renewed determination. Hone your negotiation skills like a celestial diplomat, securing lower interest rates and crafting repayment plans that fit your budget like a cosmic glove. Make extra payments with the fervor of a moonbeam illuminating a dark cave, watching those numbers shrink faster than a vampire in sunlight. Embrace the sweet liberation of financial freedom, feeling the weight of debt lift like a cosmic spell dissolving, leaving you empowered and ready to conquer your financial Everest.

Savvy Investments: Research, compare, analyze – Virgo's energy is perfect for making informed investment decisions. Seek advice from trusted professionals and prioritize long-term stability over short-term gains.

Transform into a celestial stockbroker under the Virgo Moon! Put on your research goggles and analyze potential investments like a cosmic detective, comparing, contrasting, and sniffing out hidden risks. Consult trusted financial oracles for guidance, but ultimately, let your own Virgo-honed discernment be your compass. Prioritize long-term stability over fleeting trends, building a portfolio that grows like a well-tended celestial garden, not a gambler's dice roll. Embrace the slow and steady path, for under Virgo's meticulous gaze, informed investments blossom into financial freedom, one calculated decision at a time.

Unexpected Windfalls: Keep an eye out for unexpected opportunities to increase your income. Virgo favors those who put in the work, so your dedication could be rewarded with a bonus, a new client, or a lucky windfall.

Keep your antennae tuned to cosmic whispers under the Virgo Moon, for fortune often favors the prepared! Your dedication and sharpened skills could attract unexpected boons like a bonus shimmering out of thin air, a new client drawn by your newfound expertise, or a windfall landing softly as a celestial feather in your lap. Remember, Virgo rewards hard work, so keep hustling, honing, and learning, and trust that the universe may just surprise you with a bonus chapter in your financial story.

Bonus Tip: Embrace the earthy magic of Virgo! Surround yourself with green spaces, incorporate crystals like citrine and jade into your workspace, and practice grounding exercises to channel the Moon's practical energy.

So, there you have it! The Moon in Virgo is your invitation to tidy up your biz, fine-tune your finances, and reap the rewards of your focused efforts. Remember, success is a marathon, not a sprint. Pace yourself, celebrate the small wins, and trust that under Virgo's meticulous guidance, your business and finances will shine.

Now go forth and conquer, astrologically savvy entrepreneurs! Your financial stars are aligned.

[onouwu]

Dr. Omiata's Depravity

Dr. Ellie Omiata, a cardiologist hailing from the 30th century, had achieved everything she could in her profession. Her expertise had saved countless lives, but in the sterilized and automated reality of her time, she felt an aching void.

Ellie became a cardiologist with the desire to protect and care for vulnerable life. Throughout her life, she had a hero complex, an intense desire to shield the fragile, the helpless, the downtrodden. She read countless stories of damsels in distress and imagined herself the knight in shining armor. However, her fantasies were much different... darker, not the hero, but the villain. She hoped to be a heart surgeon, but her desired profession was obsolete. Surely it was an amazing thing, highly successful doctorless organ transplants... but for Ellie, this left her without a place in the world. There were no knights, and now no heart surgeons. People no longer needed saving, she thought. Longing for purpose, Ellie became a temporal explorer, and with countless tales and fantasies in her mind, she took a one-way trip to the savage lands of a war-torn timeline. landing herself smack in the middle of a medieval Nordic civilization.

A stark contrast to her futuristic, technological world. It was a time defined by relentless war, brutal violence, and no place for the frail. Standing amidst the icy landscapes and hardened warriors, Ellie's dark skin and voluminous hair made her a beacon of otherworldly charm, a symbol of exotic mysticism from foreign lands that had not yet been witnessed by these people.

The king, intrigued by her unique appearance and captivated by her advanced medical knowledge, spared her the typical fate of an outsider. They sensed an opportunity in Ellie's keen intellect and apparent strangeness, a utility that could serve their cause well. Yet she didn't ask for a comfortable position within the castle. Ellie asked for something different. Her desires outshined what was believed to be common sense. Her wish granted, Ellie found herself granted a position many loathed, yet she coveted – a captain of the guard. The final word on strategy in the battlefield.

Despite her lack of allegiance to the kingdom, she relished the role that offered an intoxicating cocktail of power and intrigue. Her knowledge of human anatomy, blended with her understanding of martial arts, rendered her an indomitable warrior on the battlefield, effortlessly thwarting the many adversaries that dared to challenge her. Despite her desires to be the hero, she found the most thrill in being the warrior. the ender of heroes and villains alike, what she was... it was hard to tell.

Ellie wasn't moved by battle, what she wanted was power. A sense of control over life and death that she had never felt in her time. The more she acted on her whims, the more she felt that maybe her desires were sick, depraved... selfish. However, there was no going back. From now on, she would fulfill her deepest desires. Her weapon of choice was a large war hammer. A tool of blunt heavy destruction, she felt like this was the best way to exert force while giving her control over how it was applied.

Ellie thought back to the tales of delicate, fair-skinned women being hoisted upon the white horse of their saviors. The desire to live that fantasy was all she could think of, and now she had the position to do it... or some strange version of that.

Ellie wasn't able to ride into the sunset like in the stories, but beggars cant be choosers, and in this world, the desperation of savage war brought everyone to the battlefield at times, and slaughter was blind to beauty. Frailty met quick ends. Not for Ellie though. This was her moment - a crude, perverse twist on her romance fantasies. There was no romance, only salvation in the blood-soaked ground. The savagery of war a canvas where she could paint her unique narrative. Her gaze, wielded like a precision tool, was constantly scanning, evaluating, searching. Among the hordes of battle-hardened soldiers like a depraved beast. Some day, Ellie's eyes quickly fell upon a woman – blonde, fierce, yet possessing a delicate grace. Her pale visage a vibrant beacon. The woman was like a strikingly vivid palette amidst the monochrome of warriors, an unexpected anomaly in a battlefield bereft of grace.

Ellie became the self-appointed guardian of this precious gem, determined to protect her from the clutches of her own bloodthirsty squad which had a hunger for easy pickings. The sight of this radiant woman made her heartbeat race, not with bloodlust but with a deep, undeniable fascination. It was as if the chaotic battlefield had morphed into an exhilarating treasure hunt, the treasure being these living, breathing, beautiful Nordic women. Ellie's intentions were clearer to her than ever - to salvage these creatures from the cruel jaws of war, and to preserve their splendor for herself. Ellie could see the perversion of her instincts in full display, but the desire was so great, she couldn't stop herself. The battlefield, a dreaded arena of death, had now become her playground, a hunting ground to satiate her unorthodox desires. The rush of adrenaline in her veins was palpable as she locked eyes with the blonde beauty.

She was yet another savage on the battlefield, but with the precision of a surgeon. Even as a predator, surely her prey would at least be grateful for a better outcome than death, she thought. As they engaged, the woman's sword was fast, though Ellie herself was graceful, and predicting. She studied this game of war like chess and became a grand master. Ellie struck at the perfect moment, sweeping the blonde's feet from beneath her, casting her to the earth.

She then kicked away the sword, leaving the woman defenseless and bewildered on the rough battlefield floor. The sight of this exquisite creature, rendered vulnerable amidst the grit and grime, filled Ellie with an unprecedented sense of desire. Every exasperated breath filling this magnificent form lit up Ellie's senses. It was nothing like her fantasies... it was better. The battlefield had always been a stage for displaying might, but for Ellie, this was a new, intoxicating form of dominance.

With her adrenaline surging, Ellie approached the woman cautiously, the woman's chest heaving vividly beneath her. The blonde was defeated, awaiting the cruel and merciless strike of the heavy mallet, but defiant. To the look of confusion in those blue eyes, Ellie gingerly placed the head of her war hammer over the woman's billowing chest. She stood there in awe, feeling the rapid pulse of delicate life through the handle. As she pressed down harder, the woman's heartbeat became more vivid, then stuttered, a defiant drumroll against the encroaching steel.

Ellie reveled in the sensation. The strength of this woman's heart, its indomitable vitality, was now at her mercy. It was a testament to the woman's vibrant life, yet it was helpless under Ellie's power. The heart struggled and strained under the oppressive weight, succumbing slowly to the inexorable pressure.

Ellie observed the woman's battle for breath, her struggle against the metal, with an admiration tinged with disbelief. This was her treasure, her trophy of war, and she found herself enchanted by the rawness of this spectacle. Even as the woman's vigor ebbed away, her confusion turning to exhaustion, Ellie was in awe at the fight she put up. Her eyes, once fierce, now pleading and confused, fluttered close as unconsciousness claimed her. Finally, Ellie lifted her weapon.

As the woman lie there unconscious, the feeling of her heart's struggle was vivid in Ellie's mind. She straddled the woman and listened in. Its beats were soft and slow but recovering.

A surge of satisfaction rippled through Ellie at the sight of her captured prize, this fair-skinned angel now her responsibility. She had now to protect her trophy from the inevitable spoils of war, a task she accepted with a curious blend of anticipation and determination. This was her battlefield, and she had just taken her first treasure... alive. Ellie, carrying her new trophy, departed from the blood-soaked battlefield towards her home in the kingdom. Usually, a mere shelter from the harsh Nordic weather. With a blend of anticipation and caution, she bound the woman's wrists and ankles together, taking care not to make it too tight.

She gently lowered the woman onto the bed, her taut form a stark contrast against the rough-hewn linens. Ellie then lied down beside her, enveloping the unconscious woman in a tender hold to warm her. The role she played shifted between pet, trophy, and love at Ellie's whims. Her head found a resting place on the woman's chest, and as Ellie closed her eyes, she was serenaded by the rhythmic lullaby of the woman's recovering heartbeat.

With every beat that echoed against her ear, Ellie found herself more and more captivated by the living, breathing prize she had claimed. Her fingers tentatively ventured across the woman's body, exploring the gentle curve of her waist, the softness of her relaxed belly. She traced the delicate blue streaks beneath the woman's pale skin - the veins that carried life and vitality within this ethereal creature.

Ellie marveled at her fortune, her chest swelling with a sense of triumph and disbelief. She had taken her first victory, and claimed s supple, delicate, breathing trophy with a heartbeat as her spoils of war.

As she lay there, the woman's steady resilient life lulling her into a trance-like state, Ellie knew she was in the right timeline.

[hannahssimblr]

Chapter Eight

“Will you have a Bailey’s dear?”

“Oh yeah, thank you, that’d be lovely.”

Claire’s mother Cassandra, who could genuinely be her older sister, strokes her hand down my cheek to my chin and makes an affectionate clucking sound in the same way that her daughter does. They’re alike in so many ways that it’s almost frightening, clones of one another, the understated beauty, the way they’re always touching you, the plump, pouty mouth. Cassandra is the most glamorous woman in Tullamore and everybody knows it. She’s soft cashmere and velvet, the colour champagne and the smell of vanilla, and tonight she’s dressed in beige and white, patient stiletto heels clicking across the tile in her enormous kitchen to get a carved crystal glass for my liqueur. 

“She won’t be long, love.” She calls out to me as I perch on a settee by their roaring fire in the next room, its mantle adorned with eucalyptus leaves and a dozen white pillar candles. 

“Oh it’s fine.” I say. “I’m alright with waiting, your house is so cosy.”

“Oh, thank you.” She replies, delighted, and hands me the glass, half a strawberry floating amongst the ice cubes. “We’re doing a white and gold theme this year for Christmas, since we had our walls painted in Elephant’s Breath last summer I thought we could keep it neutral.”

“It’s beautiful, you’ve done an amazing job.”

“Oh darling, you’re so nice.” She moves around the room looking for something, all long legs like a gazelle, and then peeps under the coffee table to grab a magazine. “I’m going to go into Barry in the other room, he’s watching a film if you’d like to join us.”

“Oh, no I’m fine here.” I say, and she leaves me by the fire where I curl my legs up underneath me and watch the flames dancing in the dim lamp light, sipping from my glass while the logs crackle and I feel like a kid on Christmas in some 90’s movie like Miracle on 34th Street or Home Alone. It’s the day after Christmas so all of the presents have been opened, but Cassandra leaves fake ones under the tree. I think they’re just empty cardboard boxes but they’re wrapped in gold foil paper and tied up beautifully with silk ribbons with the kind of patience and care that I know I will never have for something so arbitrary as a Christmas present, never mind a fake one. I fantasise, the way I often do when I’m by myself in Claire’s house, that I grew up here and had this wonderful, perfect childhood where I got everything I ever wished for and life was always beautiful. 

My phone goes off and I’m distracted from my daydreams as I take it out of my pocket to see a notification on my Instagram. I tap to open the app and read it, and it’s just Marnie commenting on one of my recent drawings. 

Ugh, so talented. 

I hit the home button and the app instantly takes me to a picture Shane uploaded earlier in the day that I haven’t seen yet. I do a double take when I see it. It’s him and Jen. I stare at it for ages, taking it all in, the way that they have their heads smushed together in the frame, both of them grinning. The caption is: The state of us lol. 

It is disquieting to see it for some reason, and as I look down at my phone in my hand I remember my encounter with Jen in that cocktail bar back in November and how she’d mentioned some get together with all the old gang. Here is photographic evidence that it happened, and Shane went, even though he never told me that he did. I stare at the photo some more, Jen has commented underneath it, something about how bad they both look, and then I notice something else in the background of the photo. 

It’s a hand on a table, the rest of the person off screen but I know instinctively who it belongs to by its long painterly fingers, my insides start feeling like something is bouncing around in my guts and before I can stop myself I have already tapped on Jen’s profile. It’s like my body is invaded by something, and it just takes over from my brain and starts performing automated movements, scrolling, tapping, scrolling, tapping. I go to her followers list and start trawling through hundreds of names, nothing familiar, nobody I know, until…

I stop. There it is. NotJTurner. The little icon next to it is the back of his head, a black puffer coat on him, looking out over a winter sky streaked with clouds, and I want to snort with derision. He really is so pretentious, it pisses me off. I tap on the icon anyway. 

There are no photographs of him on the profile. The whole thing is this immaculately curated mood board, every picture taken with what must be some expensive DSLR camera, edited perfectly to fit the theme and capture city life. A man walks his dog while drinking from a takeaway coffee cup in the snow. Two girls climb out of a taxi on a wet night, the lights of the city smeared and reflected on the slick tarmacadam. A symmetrical shot of a skyline, a building with a hundred windows and then a vast expanse of clear cyan sky in the negative space it creates. The more I look the angrier I get and I don’t know why. All of these carefully selected pictures of this perfect Berlin life, everything so aesthetically pleasing, all of it so goddamned good. I hate that he’s good. He’s supposed to be terrible, he’s supposed to be as awful as the feelings he ran away and left me with.

But I can’t look away. Dotted here and there among the street photography are pictures from exhibitions, some sculpture work he’s presumably doing at college and then like me, he’s photographed his sketchbooks, and they’re breathtaking. Deep, dark and moody, faces emerging from blackness on the page. The way he’s captured expression and movement would put stars in Ida’s eyes, and I linger on one page that just hands, some draped over the edge of a bathtub with wrists exposed, dirt beneath the nails, skin taut over the veins, knuckles rough and scabbed and yet they look like they’re ready to start moving off the page. He never showed me his work that summer, I never knew, he never told me it was like this, and I feel more humiliated than ever that I let him see my stupid, childish work that night after the graveyard. And I think of the way he looked at me and said these are really good. I huff out of my nostrils. What a liar. 

I start scrolling faster through the images, blood rushing through me and throb in my face and I know that if anyone asked me I’d have no way of explaining this reaction and this flood of strange feelings that have crashed over me, how the meagre act of looking at someone’s instagram profile could make me feel with such intensity. 

I stop dead with confusion when I see something else among the other posts. Is that… me? Am I looking at my own face? 

I become still and look, and keep looking. Is it really? I stare at the screen and wonder if I’m just making things up out of self-obsession, but it’s undeniable that the face in front of me is my own. Or rather, the faces. Somewhere in the depths of his profile, way down near the bottom is a photograph of a collection of drawings. There are five heads all arranged on a page, each one with a different expression, confusion, scepticism, surprise, contentment, and another that I become transfixed on because I don’t recognise it right away. The girl on the page has bare shoulders, long, unkempt hair that’s coming across her forehead in loose strands over her low straight brows. Her eyes are bright and engaged, and sparkling, as you might even say if you were feeling generous. Her head is tilted forward and the corner of her mouth quirked upwards to create this cheeky, mischievous expression that I never knew I had. When have I ever made that face? 

He’s made me look so free and so easy and so beautiful that I’m sure he’s taken creative liberties. I don’t ever really look like that. These versions of me are from somebody’s imagination, like they’re a character who’s wearing a mask of my face and has enhanced all of the best parts and ignored the way that my shoulders are always hunched and there’s a line etched between my eyebrows. When did he draw these? Why did he draw these? I read the caption. 

Old work. 

That’s all. Of course he doesn’t say anything about who the girl in the drawings is, or what compelled him to draw her, but why would he? There’s a big piece of me that wishes that he’d shown me these before, emailed them to me, anything. How old are they? Are they from that summer on the beach, or sometime afterwards? My mind drifts back to my bedroom in Tullamore where there is a sketchbook hidden away in a big plastic box beneath my bed that contains my own clumsy attempts at drawing him. I remember doing them in the middle of some emotional episode and feeling like I was in some way creating a bridge between our distance, relishing each little zing of pleasure I felt as I remembered another little detail about his beautiful face that I could put to paper. But you couldn’t waterboard those drawings out of me now, never mind convince me to put them up on the internet. 

When I hear Claire coming down the stairs I hastily put my phone back into my pocket. “Hello gorgeous.” She says as she sweeps into the room. “Are you ready to hit the road?”

“Yes!” I say, and I grab my half full glass of Baileys from the coffee table so I can gulp it down in one go. It doesn’t even make me wince. “Let’s get moving.”

Prev // Next

[milkygothgf]

Hiiiii, drunk anon here! Not drunk currently, but I am horny, and edging, and I love love loooooooove seeing you respond to my asks (bit of an attention whore myself tbh >×<)

Anyways, I was going through your likes and only just now saw that intoxication is in there! What a coinkydink! XD

I'm actually touching myself about to get into the shower right now and started thinking about how cute you would be if I got you drunk! Absolutely loaded with fruity cocktails and hard liquor that I bought you and pressured you into taking (who needs roofies when social anxiety and manipulation do all the work for you ♡w♡)

Then, once you were nice and wasted, what if I offered to help sober you up and help your future hangover with a super secret trick I learned! It's called the Milking Method where I hook you up to a machine and put automated pumps on your low-hanging udders, then squeeeeeeeeze all the, um... "alcohol" out through your tits! Of course, it's bullshit, but you're just too sloshed to care, so you let me draw buckets and buckets of sweet, creamy milk from your big, delicious tits aaaaalllllll night. All the while I keep making up more and more nonsense about the method, like, "And actually, massaging the mammary glands helps draw the alcohol towards your nipples," and, "Oftentimes, I've found that stimulation of the reproductive organs can accelerate the movement of fluids through the endocrinal system," making sure to use lots of big words so you think I'm super smart and blindly put your faith in me while I play with your clit and finger your ass and, all around, just poke and play with your entire soft, slutty body! <3

Drunk anon, my love, I'm too high and you've made me too horny to know how to respond to this ♡.♡ Just, uh, yes. Yes please. Please.

[milfgyuu]

Hey doll! I saw you tagged for more asks like the Seventeen working at Walmart (which I LOVED btw!) and I've come to deliver! I'm at a Casino hotel overnight with The Bestie™️ and we're down at the pool! So...how about SVT working at a public pool??? 😅😅😅

bc there are so many mf's in this group i hope you don't mind me expanding a little into a hotel/water park resort.

choi seungcheol life guard i have no other reasoning behind this other than i want to see him in the cute red swim trunks ok. drowning myself in the deep end so he can give me the kiss of life. he's probably working the wave pool and like actually has to rescue people every time the big wave hits.

jeonghan is the barrtenderrrr *t-pain voice* and he has to wear that cute little formal fancy bartender fit (u know the one) and he is a prof mixologist like he's making you shit that is not even on the menu and it is amazing.

joshua works at the tiki bar in the water park so he's whipping up daiquiris and other frozen delights all day long and gets to enjoy the sunshine. humor me and picture that pretty golden glow and long sandy blonde hair okay i have a specific vision.

junhui is also a lifeguard but specifically for one of the big water slides - it's so shallow that he usually sits there are just watches all day making sure everyone is safe but witnesses hella ass crack when people try to exit the slide. so he's kind of just a glorified water monitor and buttcrack patrol.

hoshi delivers room service and knows all the hot gossip because holy shit he just left room 212 and the married guy who was just here last week was in there with a completely different woman today. besties with the entire housekeeping staff.

wonwoo is also a lifeguard (shhh there is a lot of water ok) but specifically for the lazy river so he just wades around all-day from one shady spot to the next making sure kids aren't blocking up tube-traffic. He does think it's really fun to walk against the current and considers it his workout for the day.

woozi is singing in the resort lounge like zack and cody's mom but he is getting hella hoes. tip jar on the piano is full of room #'s and key cards. he's like ahaha i'm flattered but no thanks but has given in once or twice after a little convincing from jeonghan.

minghao concierge bro he can get you into ANYWHERE because he doesn't take no for an answer. exclusive restaurant with a waitlist a mile long? reservations at 8pm with a complimentary bottle of wine, baby.

mingyu is so a cabana boy. he's got warm towels, he's got drinks, he's got a shrimp cocktail to deliver, and he's got a creepy cougar to escape from bc she won't stop making passes at him and now he's hiding in the laundry room which leaves...

boo seungkwan, the other cabana boy who is always annoyed and cursing under his breath but can turn his customer service face and voice on and off like a switch. will drag mingyu out of hiding by his hair when he notices it getting too busy.

vernon works at the resort guest check-in and has his speech so automated in his head that if someone interrupts him he loses all train of thought and has to start over. calls the bell boy just for funsies when he is bored which really pisses...

chan the bellboy off because he just ran his ass all the way across the resort thinking he was actually needed but it's just vernon fucking around with an empty lobby. fills those carts to the brim like Tetris and refuses to ask for help bc his pride says he can move all 800lbs of luggage himself.

seokmin i’m so sorry i forgot u baby it’s bc he is so busy working that resort valet parking the NIOCE cars. running around in his lil polo looking all fine and handsome like tip the man bc he uses it on his expensive cologne you can still smell when you get in ur car.

[emaanwritesandwrongs]

Amateur Cocktails

2/16/23 I shut the door to my apartment in attempts to keep the sticky Texas heat out. Summer had come early. Again. How many times were we going to pretend that summer had come early, before we accepted it as a new normal? That we needed to start teaching kindergarteners that summer begins in April, and ends in, well, November? But to also tell them: really that doesn’t mean the heat is gone in the latter months, it lingers around making sudden appearances every few weeks. “Did you miss me?” The heat will cry. “Did you forget about me?” God the sun is standing uncomfortably close.  The stuffy heat reminds me of strange men’s breath on the back of my neck. Some of them loitered at my work. They’ll forget I’m just another working employee behind the bar. They’ll see right through me as if confronting me for who I really am. Until I am painfully aware of whatever femininity I ultimately blame myself for showing off. I make a mental note to dress duller next time. The men are generally harmless, I know, but when they come close it is suffocating. “Did you miss me?” “Did you forget about me?” 

I’m roused from my thoughts as I’m met with a cool burst of air. Peeling off the damp smells of the city from my body, I collapse onto the depressed dent in my couch. Now that I’m indoors and separate from the surrounding world, I can tell how much I reeked of gasoline. Walking through the city does that to you, I guess. 

A gentle buzz from my phone reminds me of you. Instead it’s another automated text message reminding me of my last chance at some sort of sale. I punch in the letters “STOP,” and lean back to remember you. I do this a lot.  There was a time where we were very close. In all ways except distance. This virtual arrangement was no issue to me. I could sporadically update you about the littlest events throughout my day. And we would spend the hours before sleep recounting our different complaints and celebrations. I’d like to say we avidly agreed on most things. But really what kept things so interesting were our arguments. You were always wrong, and so was I. And somehow both of us being wrong was the strongest trait we had in common. Our lostness tied us together as we felt we were the only two truly questioning and navigating the world around us.

Or so I thought. A little over a year passed by, and you escaped our depressive interpretation of the world and into the physical arms of someone else’s embrace. To picture you leaving your cynical world and feeling love, connectedness and comfort is disturbingly beautiful. It gives me hope, but more so it makes my stomach sink to depths I want to forget. I was right here. But I wasn’t. I was a couple thousand miles away and we both knew that. And that one time I did visit you - I didn’t feel present. And because of that things had changed. I didn’t perform well. I didn’t meet the expectations set on me. I didn’t finish. I couldn’t finish. You touched me and I had to teach my body to feel good. I had to train my brain to release dopamine in response. But with the way I pushed myself to concentrate, while you were trying to make me feel good, I was probably releasing cortisol instead.  I’m at a constant war with these slimy chemicals. The fluids that my hypothalamus decides which out of them my pituitary gland should excrete. Are any of those words even real? Biology has opened a new and daunting door of self-awareness.  I trick my body by taking a combination of estrogen and progesterone. They stabilize my dramatic mood swings, prevent painful cramps, and make sex “safe.” You know, to stop me from shooting out a child for any moment you touch me. I imagine the two hormones to be sisters. They probably dress in pinks and lavenders and skip down my glands while holding hands. They take turns braiding each others hair. They hold each other while watching scary movies. And wipe away each others tears as they share their pain. I feel their sisterhood mocking me. 

I open a private browser and damn myself to the pits of Reddit. For the same reasons every other person privately browsing Reddit is: to ask any variation of the age old question “WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???” Why don’t I desire you the way I should. Why can’t I find myself to desire anyone else. Even at work the other bartenders enjoy the witty flirting back and forth. But I can’t help but feel it all to be pointless and draining. I guess I don’t have to be sexy in order to survive or anything. I don’t have to engage in sex if I don’t want to. No one is making me do or be anything really. But there’s a part of me that yearns to exercise my sex. I want to want to enjoy these feelings, I confirm to myself. And I want to to be fun, a smaller voice whispered to myself. So I swindle down the rabbit hole of different forum links and come to the self evaluated conclusion that, get this, I lack testosterone. 

Somehow those two little girls were working so hard with their fancy female hormones that I ended up feeling less of a woman than I ever have before. Like literally. All the estrogen and progesterone has shrunken my clit. Like a victim to phantom limb syndrome, it feels cold and absent where my clitoris is supposed to be, Doctor. The cure is to man up and grow some balls, he tells me.  How has my body reached this stage? Why are my hormones all wrong? How do I train my endocrine system to do things right for once? I imagine my little pituitary gland fumbling different bottles and bitters into a cocktail shaker that he stupidly lets spill everywhere. Who let this guy in charge? I grit my teeth and once again let the heat take over my mind and the cortisol wave over my body.

A strange man’s breath on my neck. I look up it’s you. I yelp and push the body away. Behind you stand two little twin girls who stare through me. They are donned in blue dresses this time. The heat, the sweltering sun. The walk back home along the expressway. The smell of testosterone in my clothes. My body opening up and freeing my glands from their suffering. You look back at me. “Is this okay?” The sisters watch me waiting on my response. They glance to the side as if to urge me: go on, tell him. “DID YOU MISS ME?” I want to ask him. Instead I wait until he is done and distracted, so I can slip a couple bills of testosterone from his wallet into my shaker. I edge out of the scene.

[hoochieblues]

Late to the party, but a first for me: an entirely ai-generated ms slithering across my desk. nope. nuh uh. no.

I do feel for the author; they said they're autistic and struggle to realize their ideas. ChatGPT helped extemporize them when nothing else had. Okay, I appreciate the frustration. Except... it. isn't. writing.

And then to try and book a full suite of dev, line eds, and proofing to take the ai generated slop and make it 'sound better'? No. Nonono.

What you want is a ghostwriter. an actual human bean who will listen to you, work with you, and take your idea from an elevator pitch scrawled on a damp cocktail napkin to a piece of prose that sounds like you. That magic already exists. It's not free, but it's comparable in cost to paying some idiot like me to smooth over the ai cracks.

It's being threatened because corporations would rather automate in house or pay lowest bid, yes, but also because people are being encouraged to think in terms of 'tools' for creativity - and for life in general - when the greatest assets we have already exist.

Not to go full hippie, but it's each other. Connection. Collaboration. We should emphasize that over the idea of turnkey inspiration, creativity that can be deployed at the push of a button.