#BECAUSE IT'S NOT HARMING THE DOG. the dog does not CARE you are kissing her on her face the dog does not CARE you call her your gf | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nightqueen1221 · 1 year

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hi!! can i ask for hanako, kou, tsukasa, nene, teru, and sakura reacting to y/n who bops their head like they're listening to music when they're happy? like there could be dead silence and then we have y/n bopping their head happily. and if its not too much to ask can it be a gn y/n? im so sorry for the long ask <//3 if u dont wanna take this request thats fine! love ur work :D! - 🐝

Hello my first emoji ayon! Apologies for this being late. This was also the only image I could find with all of them.

Hanako/Amane Yugi

-He finds it cute.

-Honestly, he really likes it since he can tease about it later.

-Every once in a while he'll float over to you and lift the headphones out or lightly tug on your earbuds to pull them out.

-"Whatchu listening to?" He asks.

-He's not really looking for answer, he just wants your attention.

-If you close your eyes while listening, he'll go in for a kiss just to see your surprised face.

-If you wear earbuds he'll ask if you can share.

-If you're ok with it, he gives comments about the music you listen to.

Nene Yashiro

-Honestly, she doesn't really judge you since she's just so happy she actully got a relationship, so when she sees you listening to music and bopping your head, she doesn't mind.

-She might every once in a while ask what song it is.

-If she knows the song she'll either talk about it or fawn over the band members/singer.

-You introduced her to a lot of diffrent types of music along with new bands and singers.

-Every once in a while she gets a sticky notes and writes songs she likes so you can listen to them. (Along with a few doodles in the corner.)

Kou Minamoto

-He's concerned.

-He thinks you're going to hit your head or something else since your not really paying attention to your surroundings.

-He usually has a hand wrapped around your waist just to make sure your safe.

-If you offer to listen to music with him, he'll accept. Perhaps you could dance together.

-I don't think he'd be a very good dancer so you might have to teach him if you know.

-If neither of you know, well you can just look like two idiots having fun.

-When you two dance im the school (if ever) Hanako is going to intervene. He'll probably trip Kou so he'll fall on you making him look like a pervert. And nobody else can see Hanako so they Kou is in the wrong.

-Hanako truly doesn't mean any harm by it, he's just trying to poke some fun.

-As long as you tell Kou he doesn't need to worry about you and you can handle your surroundings, he's a lot more comfortable.

Teru Minamoto

-Same thing with his brother, he worries you're going to get hurt and tries to avoid anything happening to you.

-He always had a ton of fangirls and the fact he choose means you matter to him more than you could imagine. (Same thing with his fans if you know what I mean.)

-He might even go as far as taking you things away if you don't listen to him.

-Don't worry, just give him puppy dog eyes and he'll give in faster than the speed of sound.

-Or cry, if you can cry on command good lord. He HATES to see a person he cares for in pain, so he'll do almost anything to make it stop.

-If you walk around while listening to music, he's right behind you with his hands on your shoulders to make sure you're safe. This does not change if your eyes are open.

-And if you do happen to have someone bump into you, are they going to have an earful from your boyfriend.

-So, just be careful around him and when you listen to music.

Sakura Nanamie

-It doesn't bother her in the slightest.

-She enjoys the stillness of sound, she's usually caught up with Tsukasa being loud, so just being in the same room as you, but not talking makes her enjoy these times together.

-She knows your not paying attention so she sometimes go up behind you and give a little kiss on your cheek. (Or on the lips depending on how far the relationship has gone.)

-When she wants your attention for either a question or because she simply wants affection, she'll lightly tap your shoulder or rub the back of your hand.

-She ALWAYS asks if you can give her attention beforehand, since she is very much aware of what it's like for someone to be forced into it.

-This also makes it very rare for her to ask for anything, but I'm getting off track.

-It's not a huge part of her life but she still thinks it kinda cute you do it

Tsukasa Yugi

-All he can think is, "Perfect opportunity".

-You're distracted AND can't hear him. He wants to prank or surprise you as much as possible. Having your attention on something else other than him (Which he is a bit offended by) Gives him the chance to shock you.

-At this point, it's not as surprising. The most shocking part is what he tries and do to gain your focus.

-He's given you things he's killed, which the offer is nice, the corpse is not.

-He'll incessantly bother you asking if he can listen to music with you.

-If you refuse, he'll do one of three things.

- 1. Continue to cry and complain

- 2. Take whatever you're listening to music on.

- 3. Get Sakura involved. Which ends up with your device getting confiscated.

-As fun as it is to mess with you, he gets super annoyed if you ignore him completely. And that leads to one of the items above.

-Just as long as you devote your time to mostly him, he's fine with whatever else you do.

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gay-dorito-dust · 2 years

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Hello there! I hope you're healthy and well! And oh, I loooveee your writings! They're always great ^_^

Anyways, I would like to request. It's Wednesday Addams x fem!reader. So let's just say Wednesday has feelings for the reader. But she doesn't know how to tell her. And I would love to know how she would react if she saw the reader was being kissed by Xavier. Just love a little bit of angst 😎

That's all, thank you for reading my request!! XOXOXO

Feelings were a fickle subject when it came to Wednesday Addams, despite growing up with two parents whom were blatantly enamoured with one another and didn’t seem to hold no shame in showing their love either. However just because she was the child of Gomez and Morticia didn’t exactly meant that their affiliations for love were an inheritable trait for her to have. However despite believing herself to be as emotionally dead as the dearly departed buried six feet under their own graves, you elicit reactions within Wednesday that made her believe that she was either sick or subsuming to an early death.

The fluttering within her stomach whenever you stood close by enough for her to manage to catch a whiff of what you were wearing that morning; Lavender and and body spray, she would note later on as she found herself burning away the midnight oil one night, describing the scent of an additional character to her novel. She would remove all traces of the character but she had soon found out that she had written so much dialogue between viper and this character; So much so that the plot portrays their coming together in joining forces as a chance of fate in solving the mystery. For Wednesday to remove your insert character from her novel would be to set herself back a couple of pages, possibly chapters, because your character suddenly became a vital part of her story out of the blue and she had already advanced so far with the story that it would just seem like wasted effort.

Another thing Wednesday would always be subconsciously reminded of in her moments of silent reprieve was the way in which her cheeks would heat up whenever you smiled, laughed or outwardly complimented her. She never once cared about what others thought about her nor her personality but it seemed that the moment you started to speak of her in such high praise, that’s when she began to feel herself crave your validation. Wednesday didn’t care how you did it but she just wanted you to praise her, compliment her to high heavens and no one else. She naturally hated how she craved something she openly voiced not caring about but yet here she was, acting the hypocrite just for your appraisal.

She even often found herself actively searching for you in the quad before classes like a puppy dog looking for it’s owner. It was pathetic but recently Wednesday observed that she seemed to go against her own code whenever you nearby. She hated being craved and stalked by others yet she was subconsciously doing the same thing to you but going about it within a more subtle manner; Such as keeping a seat saved for you in the classes that you share, going so far as to threaten bodily harm on fellow students in swapping jobs with her so that she could be with you during outreach day and last but not least, participating in the Poe Cup when and only when you were participating.

Enid had her suspicions that Wednesday had feelings for you but never dared to voice them until one day when she returned to her dorm to find Wednesday awkwardly standing there, picking at her chipped nail polish. Before the blonde could speak up, Wednesday beaten her to the punch by asking a question Enid never thought she’d ever hear her ask. “What…does it mean to like someone?” Enid wanted to scream Ophelia Hall down because her intuition about Wednesday had been right. However Enid knew she’d have to save the celebration for later as she had a friend to help in navigating her feelings, so she took a deep breath and sat herself down on her colourful bedding, smiling at her morbid dorm mate. “Who’s the lucky guy, girl and or person?”

The pair talked late into the night and by the time morning had came, Wednesday felt the overwhelming urge to rid herself from pining after you from afar and instead act upon her feelings. Unfortunately, due to her lack of experience within this field, she didn’t exactly know the best way to go about conveying her feelings towards you without potentially scaring you off into the arms of someone else. Who’d knew that the one thing that Wednesday couldn’t seem to comprehend was the fact that she had actual feelings other then disgust, dismay and the obvious morbidity? Wednesday definite didn’t and she was left perplexed at her desk, her head buried in her hands as she raked her nails down her face, leaving red marks in their wake as she attempted to find a possibility in where she could express her emotions that wouldn’t require so much effort being drawn from her.

This new sensation was thrilling to the young Addams as found herself brainstorming a thousand ideas a minute, a majority of which were crumpled up into wads of paper that were then discarded to the black metallic waste bin she kept beside her desk. None of them were good enough for you, she would tell herself the more she drove herself to sheer madness within the thicket of her research. It didn’t have to be perfect, it didn’t have to be a spectacle for others to bask in, overcrowding her moment with their attendance. It just has to be enough for you and to Wednesday by osmosis. However there was one minute detail that Wednesday seemed to have deemed unimportant or intentionally skimmed over due to it’s irrelevance in her grand scheme; Xavier Thorpe.

The boy clung to you like a babe does to their mother. His arm would permanently be seen over your shoulder, drawing you into his side as he spoke to the gorgon, Ajax. Wednesday also didn’t take into account how whenever she saved you seat in class, Xavier would immediately bolt for the spare seat beside yours as he began to animate the doodles on his sheet of paper, watching as they scampered up your arm and burrowed themselves into the collar of your shirt before eventually clambering back down and retreating into the blank sheet of paper once the teacher had entered the room. Even during the Poe Cup Xavier seemed to take it easier on you then compared to the rest of your team, even going so far as to giving you a head start.

Once Wednesday had achieved victory your team, instead of moping and complaining over his teams loss, Xavier only beamed at you with pride as you celebrated with Enid and Wednesday, whom you had slung your arms over the moment you three crossed the finish line; Smiling so widely and bright that he couldn’t help but engrave your happiness into his mind that would later be splayed out on that blank canvas later that evening. Xavier’s constant need to be by your side extended to school events such as Outreach day, where he’d peak over your shoulder at the job you had been given before scavenging the crowd for someone with a matching job and then sweet talking them into trading; Sometimes he -if lucky enough- would have been assigned to the same job as you through pure coincidence.

When the faithful day where Wednesday would finally confess to you finally came, her seemingly dead heart stopped when she caught sight of you and Xavier in the courtyard, standing closely together with his hands gingerly cusping your cheeks as you melt into his touch as though you were the candle wax to his flame; He was uttering sweet nothings and you were obviously moved by them as your hands instinctually reached to grab ahold of the lapels of his blazer, tugging at him in a silent plea for him to step closer despite being pressed up against you another as humanly possible. Xavier was thriving off of your reaction whilst Wednesday was trying to cast her gaze elsewhere but found herself forced to watch as the boy pressed his lips against yours.

Xavier’s golden brown locks acted as a curtain for the both of you as it fell from his shoulders and brushed against your cheek, hiding the fact that you were very much taken by his actions as your hands gripped his lapels tighter while his hands wandered to find home at your sides. That day Wednesday Addams understood what the sound a shattered heart makes.

#wednesday addams fanfic #wednesday addams x reader #Wednesday Addams imagines #Wednesday Addams imagine #Wednesday Addams fic #Wednesday Addams x you #wednesday x reader #Wednesday imagines #Wednesday imagine #Wednesday fic #Wednesday x you #Wednesday fanfic

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st-armand · 1 year

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Author’s Notes: Ha, yall thought that the Plug!Hobie fic was gunna be posted first, gotta keep yall on your toes. I finished this first so here it is <3 Also any content by me about Hobie his age is 21-24. Im also looking for people to beta read.

CWs: Mention of piercing gone wrong, suggestive, stealing, not beta read

Random Hobie Brown Headcanons

He has/had more piercings, notably a pair of sub-clavicle piercings, a belly piercing and nipples piercings (I know other people headcanon him as having a prince albert, but god I know that shit hurts so we’ll be skipping for now). He took those out because they kept getting caught in the frayed fabrics of his clothing, and especially worse his spider suit.

His final straw was amidst fighting a foe, he sustained several injuries, but he was horrified looking at the ripped skin of his clavicle, frantically looking for the bar and the flesh still attached, he did, but it was deep in the crevices of his suit and didn’t find it until after repairing it.

That was enough to get rid of all his torso piercings.

Hobie is extremely anal retentive when it comes to the upkeep of his piercings though, every night, maybe except those he’s really incapacitated from battle. He spends so much time in the morning carefully soaking q-tips in saline to clean the puncture holes, if he can take the jewelry out to let it soak in peroxide for a few hours.

You both fight over the real estate of the sink and its mirror, until you ask (threaten) him to get you a vanity so you both can have space to get ready, he does and its gorgeous; a vintage one he found abandoned on a side street.

But this doesn’t stop him taking up vanity space.

“Feel pretty sitting here luv”

Hobie is of Jamaican heritage, I headcanon that his grandmother is his only living relative, and he dedicates so much time taking care of her in her old age, despite their arguments about Hobie being able to be free, and not held down by family. She knows she won’t have many years left, and she may want to embrace him in her love for these final years, but she also doesn’t want him to feel a great heartbreak at the loss.

That being said he visits her every few days, stopping by for some beef patties, jerk chicken, curries of all kind, taking home the bulk containers of sorrell and ginger beer, Grandma Brown doesn’t question how her lanky streetlight grandson has gotten so strong and fit over the last few years, or how he’s able to take the large crates back to his flat.

She has her suspicions and theories, but she would rather not pry if it could end in harm for the both of them.

When he’s off being spiderman, or doing shows and odd jobs, you take up the mantle, visiting Grandma Brown and aiding her around the home, Grandma Brown gets to sit back comfortably as you take over cleaning and seasoning the chicken, she trusts you to remember all the ingredients she uses to make Hobie feel like he’s still a child with how nostalgic the food makes him.

She genuinely loves having you around, but she also loves to tease her grandson, “Don’t know what you see in that boy, he should kiss the ground you walk on darling,”

And that’s not to say he doesn’t. The undercurrent of his unruffled attitude, is an adoration for you, he loves you in a way he can’t even put into words for his songs. He thanks whatever cosmic source there is for dropping you in his lap, like a starved dog given shelter, and cared for the rest of its life.

Sometimes you catch him staring at you deeply, teasing the inside of his lip piercing with his tongue causing it to wiggle around, youre locked into his penetrating gaze, you feel critically wounded by his affection, it always comes in sudden frothing sea waves, cooling your body, leaving you to yearn for the warmth of the sun that is his love.

Hobie isn’t the type of punk to wear sexually suggestive clothing, but he does use riskier photos of you or the both of you, faces obscured or cropped, and edited heavily with grain to make it look vintage, he takes them to a vendor he works with closely for band merch and has them screen print the design on shirts for the both of you, loves wearing them during concerts especially to ward off erratic fans.

You let Hobie pester you about getting a piercing, which you know you can’t handle the pain for, but you humor him.

“Luv ya need some metal on that leng face of yours” He’ll say every few weeks, despite knowing the answer, insanity is doing the same thing knowing the results won’t change, Hobie’s fine with being insane if it means maybe one day your resolve will crack and he can see you two with matching jewelry.

He often ponders about what gems and metals would look best, the color, the shape, the size, and how all these can complement that enticing face of yours.

Steals you clothes (duh not original, but considering my taste of clothes…), and I don’t mean a few pieces here and there, he actively searches for things that will compliment your wardrobe, and in the span of a few months together your closet has doubled in size.

One day you say you’re interested in latex, he’s going to barter with some craftsperson to get you a few items to experiment with, maybe a few gloves.

You say you want to be corporate goth (I don’t see people ever adding corp goth to their alternative reader fics) ? He’s nicking the most gorgeous pants and skirt suits he can find, getting accessories and sitting beside you as you customize the outfits together.

Like high fashion, Thierry Mugler or VW? He has no problems with linking up with Black Cat to get into stock warehouses and design studios to steal some, Black Cat teases him by saying ‘You owe me for this bug.’ But she gets compensation by nicking a bunch of clothes for herself.After the fact they bound off in separate directions carrying webbed satchels of merchandise.

You know he stole them, in fact youre proud he was able to do it with ease.

(He doesn’t tell you Black Cat helped him, you wrongly assume they are attracted to each other, but Black Cat is actually a lesbian, he’s seen her in costume as a spectator of a dyke march parade under the guise of ‘watching out for the community’, he doesn’t tell her he’s seen her sneaking off into a civilian woman’s apartment, he’s happy to keep the city safe enough for everyone to nurture love.)

You wear these outfits with pride, sauntering down the street as an orchestra of gawks, and stares fills the area, blown away by the complexities of the outfit, and attention to detail to every complimentary aspects of the look, the essence of slay cunt one could say.

When Hobie’s there walking alongside you, he lets a hand glide to your lower back, urging you to walk faster, whispering into your ear,

“Walk faster luv, don’t you wanna give them a show?”

And scene. Hope yall enjoyed these, I aint great at british slang so be patient and give tips!

Comments, questions, criticisms? Let me know!

Request are OPEN

#hobie brown x reader #hobie brown #hobie headcanons #across the spiderverse #atsv #atsv hobie #hobie brown x black!reader #miguel o'hara #miguel o’hara x reader

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fieldofdaisiies · 1 year

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Hi, may I please request headcanons for mafia! Rhysand? Thanks :)

love the idea, here we go❤️

"one wrong look at her and I will blow a bullet throw your head"

there is a few things he truly values in life and you are definitely the most important

so if anyone only comes close to harming you, they will pay with their life

he is possessive and he is mean and cruel

but that is only his shell, the part he lets the world see

when he is with you, well he is still possessive, but he is kind and warm, loves cuddling with you, loves just holding you in his arms, kissing you softly

that is a side of him the outside world will never see, can never see

he cannot appear vulnerable and he can also not really openly love you on when you are outside, because that could mean harm for you

you understand that, and you love the time you can spend with him in privacy

Rhys loves to spoil you, he is rich of course, so you will be spoiled with jewellery, clothing, lingerie, trips, dinners, ect. (but only as long as you are comfortable with it)

he loves to take you on trips to deserted islands where he knows you two are safe

you help him clean up after missions, caring for him

because even though on the outside he pretends he is ruthless and does not care, every kill he has to do weighs heavy on him

you will bath with him, wash the blood of his skin, and just talk to him, comforting him

all his mafia clan members know about you, protect you with their lives as well, keep you save

and god, this man will be the happiest when you give him an heir, when you tell him that you are expecting a child from him

whenever he holds meetings, he will ask you if you want to participate or if you rather stay at home

some of those meetings can be quite tense and scary, so sometimes you opt to stay at home, sometimes you join him

and for extra protecting, Rhys will get you a dog – a Doberman

he should keep you safe when Rhys is not there

#rhysand x reader #rhysand headcanons #rhysand

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mianaissante · 6 months

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KISS ME — genshin impact, xiao 🩰

tags: xiao/femreader!!, fluff, angst, heartfelt, cute, lowercase, dancing under the moonlight, confession

“𝑘𝑖𝑠𝑠 𝑚𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑎𝑡ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑘𝑦 𝑡𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡.”

It is recommended to listen to Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer whilst reading ୨୧

enjoy!

love, what an insufferable word that one may ever encounter.

what even was love? how does one experience, better yet, realize love?

to xiao, love was something mere mortals may only experience, it was their design.

he never once considered, that an adeptus, an immortal being higher than humans, like him could be trapped in the chains of passion and jealousy, utter haze and drunkenly consumed love.

xiao never truly understood feelings, emotions, why humans could ever bother themselves with such trivial interferences of their minds.

in any shape or form, how did he ever find himself in a situation with the very thing has solely tried to avoid?

he hated that you cared.

he hated how your eyes would soften with the way he'd linger, he hated how you of all people were oblivious to his damned feelings.

aren't humans supposed to be an expert at this? he wondered how you have not caught up with him, maybe you were stupid? maybe slow? maybe you didn't understand the concept of love at all, like he did.

in the end, he would wind up standing by the balcony of wangshuu inn, secretly gazing at you as you work the day endlessly.

how, how did his heart flutter at the thought of you? you..you..you.

he stifled a small sheepish laugh, audible to himself and the winds only. he didn't know how to feel, was he mad at his own feelings? or did you drive him mad?

it all started the day you interrupted him from his duties. green grass absorbed his heavy footsteps, huff after huff, his breath heard atop the clouds.

it was a normal day to say the least, to him. xiao was focused on doing his daily patrols that he didn't notice you potentially harming yourself by having enough courage to hike up juyeun karst yourself, a mere mortal.

his eyes squinted with the way the wind was thrashing his face, the trees swaying with the song of its whirls, when suddenly a tree branch cracked like bones.

xiao sighed and rolled his eyes, “ what are you doing?”

“ what?” you replied so recklessly. the adeptus travelled his eyes to your hands which equipped a picnic basket.

“ i know you're following me, stop acting like you don't know what you're doing.”

“ calm down, i don't bite...unless you want me to.” you tease, great. xiao furrowed his eyebrows, crinkling his forehead and sighing. “ verr godlet just asked me to do something for her”

“ what is it she asked you to do, so that we can get it over with.”

“ oh divine archons wait! you're such a grumpy cat.”

“ did you just call me a cat?”

“ here.”

xiao eyed down the dish, confused.

“ you do know adepti don't eat.”

“ pftt like i didn't see you tear this dish down the other day. don't be shy now mr. adeptus, this'll be my treat.”

you smiled so wide your cheeks puffed as if you were a greedy squirrel stuffed with peanuts. the adeptus hesitated taking the almond tofu from you, but you interrupted his stare.

“ if you don't start eating this now, i'll be the one to feed you.”

he huffed and took the dish from you and ate it slowly.

“ i cooked that, so eat it well xiao! have a nice day.”

you turned your body away from him and merrily went down the hill like a toddler. he shook his head, taken aback from this sudden encounter.

xiao initially thought it would be this moment only, but boy was he wrong.

because today marks the day where chaos caused by you would start, and every passing day would be you butting in his duties.

“ where are you going, mr adeptus?”

its been an hour..maybe more, but you've been following the poor adeptus like a dog begging for a toy bone. xiao could only heave an annoyed sigh everytime you blabbed like a crazy woman.

“ for the last time, just call me xiao you mad woman!” his temper, it was firing up, riling up since you started it. he grumbled under his breath yet you only laughed at his frustrated expression.

you were playful, too playful for him! he could not, for the life of him, keep up!

“ i already ate your almond tofu, what more do you need from me?” he asked then turned himself to face you, hands on the curves of his waist as his weight leaned on his right leg.

“ hmmm, nothing, i just...like following you. to be honest, you're the first adeptus i've ever seen, it's all too exciting!”

“ it would be more exciting if you leave me be.”

“ now where's the fun in that?”

he didn't respond, he turned his back and continued to scope the area with his sharp eyes.

“ please for the love of archons, leave me alone.” and to his surprise, you shook your head and jumped on his back so suddenly. “ i'm never leaving your side mr. adeptus!”

“ get away!” he panicked and toppled over you, his face quivering as he sees you.

sprawled on the green grass, your rosy blood spreading across your cheeks and on top your nose. your hair in a disarray and your lips tugged in a huge grin.

sunlight hit your face and he caught his heart skipping a beat. oh fuck.

“ you'll never make me leave,” you laughed.

his eyes squinted, crazy. you were pure crazy!

“ you dumb idiot! you risked yourself with that stunt you pulled.”

“ but i'm fine aren't i? you held me close, that proves just how good you are at your job.”

that was in fact, correct. xiao had his arms around your back, which protected you from the fall.

“ if I didn't react quicker you would've injured yourself.”

you laughed, again. “ i'm fine, quit worrying!”

birthdays were never a big deal to xiao,

not until you made it a big deal to everyone.

usually he'd spend his day by doing the usual thing, keeping guard in liyue and protecting its land.

but...why is it now did this tradition change...and why was he inside a cardboard box?!

his day started with him sleeping by a hill near juyeun karst, he didn't want to admit it at all but he was fatigued. too tired to even do anything at the time. and so suddenly was he shoved in a cardboard box where god knows where he'll be transported to.

“ what are you doing to me?” he gritted through his teeth, fuming.

“ don't you worry, mr. adeptus. you're in great care, this box has fragile stickers all over it.”

you could hear his face palm, and so, you laughed. “ was shoving me inside a box to transport me in where, wangshuu inn? a good idea to you?!”

“ yes.”

“ fuck you.”

“ it'll be a good day for you, but first i'll put you in my room.”

he sighed, letting you do whatever you wanted to. he was too tired to deal with you.

time passed and you closed the door of your room, opening the box you see xiao burned up and hot. face red and eyes heavy. he was sleeping his life out as if he has never tasted a lick of slumber ever.

you gasped, holding the back of your hand on his forehead. “ you're scalding hot, xiao!”

you dragged his body up on your bed and started undressing him to atleast let air flow through his burning skin.

in a panic, you flinched when you felt his delicate fingers wrap around your wrist, stopping you from undressing him.

“ i can do it myself.” he grumbled.

of all things, xiao hated being vulnerable, he hated how he, a being of power, was weak like any mortal right now.

he hated to show it to other people, he hated being a nuisance, to him, he should only show the good parts of himself.

the responsible, not the hindrance-self.

but there was nothing he could do, he has shown it and he is ashamed.

and in some magical way, you could sense it.

“ is this why you don't show yourself to much people? to show how you're weak?”

he didn't answer, you took it as a yes. you had a bucket of lukewarm water and a handkerchief that you'll use to wipe his body with.

“ you know, it's okay to show these parts of yourself, because..these parts are what make you...you. it's okay to be weak, it's okay to cry, or to be vulnerable. it's alright to feel like you want to scream, it's okay to feel like you want to be alone..because at the end of the day, you have a heart that needs to be protected..the way you protect us.”

you wiped his face gently with the clothe and felt his throat with the back of your hand.

“ i went through the same thing as you too, i know what it's like.”

xiao smiled, silly human.

“ that was the first time you gave a good speech, [name], i appreciate it.”

“ should i take that as an insult?” you asked, confused.

“ no, you shouldn't.”

much to your disappointment, the party you had planned for him was delayed, everyone was too busy and he was lying on your bed sick.

you massaged the temples of your head and sighed, “ are you okay?”

he didn't respond, instead shifted his sleeping position opposite to you.

drenching the clothe again, you wipe his back with care, feeling how the lukewarm water turns hot at the contact of his skin.

xiao wasn't sure why you took so much are into him, he wasn't family to you, in fact he's a complete stranger. there's a visible gap between the two of you yet you try everything to break through and sit with him.

why were you treating him like he was someone special to you? he was confused, leaving him to furrow his eyebrows with pursed lips and clouding thoughts of which he never thought he'd ever have.

all of this is new to him, having someone caring about him.

he was scared, that's for sure. not only was he scared of being vulnerable, he was also scared of this. feeling..things, feeling how his heart would stop then beat repeatedly with no warning, its as if he was trapped in cellophane suffering from your affection. and by suffering, it meant experiencing new feelings in which he does not know how to deal with.

as if a lost puppy strolling road after roads looking for a bone. he could not believe it, he could not bare the thought of liking you, it was something unlike him.

but was it now?

he has grown into you like gum on the sole of a shoe, he has grown accustomed to your company, to your voice, to you.

he has tried, numerous times in numerous occasions to forget you, forget how you stride on hard ground with feet lingering on the green grass, forget how you giggle or laugh, forget how you smile or the way your eyes would crinkle like moons, forget how you'd care for him, how you'd prepare his lunches even if he didn't need to, how you'd ask him about his day repeatedly even if it was annoying to him at first but as time passed he realized having someone asking about how his day went felt great, and fuck.

truthfully in everything he tried, he failed, and there he was lovelorn and lovesick.

how could he forget her? how could he after all this time?

for the first time in his life he was handled like a fragile being, a human. Not treated like a beast, or a god, or a powerful being. He was his normal him when he was with you.

the little things you did..to him those things were more than little, it was everything to him. you were everything to him.

he became so fond of you he'd purposefully forget to eat his almond tofu in wangshuu in just for you to go out of your way to meet him with the food. heck, verr godlet knew his intentions and teased him for it.

its the thought of you that scares him, he's scared of how you aren't scared of him. he is capable of ruining you, destructing your innocence, yet why weren't you flinching? why weren't you shaking because of him?

he burrowed his head further on your pillow, feeling your scent float through his senses, you smelled like home, he did not have any home, but you were there.

“ xiao, i'm just going to change this water so i can manage to lower your temperature further, i'll go no-”

“ stay.”

with a sudden turn, you found yourself wrapped around burning arms, and thick hot breath fanning on the nape of your neck. “ h-hey what's wrong?”

“nothing, let's.. let's stay like this for a moment please.”

you spoke of nothing and obliged, you were stuck with him in your bed, him embracing your waist and you curled up into a ball. it was intimate, and it was feverish. almost like a daydream that may never end.

sometimes xiao reminded you of the moon, innocent and pure, he shone light even in the darkest parts of the night. everyday there would be new shapes of him, shades you'd never seen before. and what happened now...reminded you about it.

he was as attractive as the moon setting down to let the sun shine in the morning breeze, reflecting how he truly is as an adeptus, protector of the lands of liyue and its people. He puts others first before himself before he hides his selflessness once again . yet again sitting in the dark all by himself.

he was gentle, gentler than the lightest whirls of barbatos' winds, gentler than deers prancing 'round the deep forests, gentler than the slow waving currents in rivers.

with every passing moment spent by you and his alone, the more this affection seeps and drips, the more its scent lingers on the walks by the shore, the more it is embedded within one's soul.

to [name], he was her moon, and to xiao, she was his sun.

the night of the lantern rite has finally arrived. bustling crowds making their merry way to purchase lanterns filled the streets of liyue. it was a beautiful night, only the moon, crescented, and stars glittered the horizons above. not a single thing can ever ruin this moment for the people of liyue and for travellers alike.

they say this festival is a festival which is celebrated with your loved ones to celebrate the accomplishments and glory of gods and adepti, but what if you had been spending your night away with a certain someone?

" i won't try to deny it anymore."

he said, the wind scowling over our bodies. as you and him spoke under the starry night, only the moon's light casted shadows on xiao, something felt different about him, as if he wanted to say something important.

" i can't hold it anymore," he followed, seeing the desperation in his eyes, a pent of frustration evident in his golden hues.

he looked at you in a way he never looked at before, his eyes softened, not like before, something was different, something changed.

" it is you who i want, who i love, who i adore, who i want to be with." he close his lips as he gazed into your eyes, " will i ever know how you feel for me? do you feel the same?"

he trailed his stare onto the ground, " how can you possibly reciprocate my feelings, i'm a mere immortal who'll live for years even after you pass on. is it troublesome? i understand if you ca-"

a peck from your soft plump lips grazed onto his, eyes widened and he was stunned in place. he felt you travel your hands on both of his cheeks, tracing circles on his sensitive skin with your thumbs. his eyelids slowly started to give in and falter, he absolutely felt like jello as soon as your skin touched his.

a peck turned into a kiss, a passionate kiss. he himself had his hands on your waist, pulling you close, closer to him. he felt warmth for the first time in over a hundred years, he felt safe, at home. hot breaths fanned on one another, pulling back from the kiss, touching foreheads.

" for a grumpy adeptus, you sure do blabble a lot," you smiled.

#xiao #genshin imagines #genshin x reader #genshin fanfic #genshin #genshin headcanons #fanfiction #fluff #genshin fluff #xiao fluff #genshin angst #xiao angst

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jackoshadows · 1 year

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When I first read ASoIaF, I viewed Jon’s outburst at Benjen as a frustrated teenager venting and taking out his emotions on his concerned and caring uncle.

On rereads however, I end up side-eyeing Benjen and understanding where Jon was coming from in his response.

The starting sentence of Jon I is genius in how as we keep reading the chapter, there’s a realization that what he is actually feeling is the very opposite of what is stated:

There were times—not many, but a few—when Jon Snow was glad he was a bastard - Jon I, AGoT

This is similar to Arya saying that she didn’t care about not being pretty. She did care, that’s why she has such low self-esteem and is hurt when mocked as being horse-faced and ugly. The truth is that it’s times like the feast when Jon Snow is reminded that he is a bastard - and those times are not happy times.

Jon I, AGoT starts with Jon seated among the squires at a bench, starkly reminded of the difference between him and his half siblings. He sees Robb escort the princess and Theon ignore him on his way to the dais. His commentary bubbles with envy and bitterness. He describes Myrcella as ‘insipid’ because Robb gets to accompany a princess. He tries to make himself feel better by getting drunk and counting that as an advantage over his siblings. Life is unfair and, at that moment, Jon feels strongly how unfair it is.

So this a low point for Jon Snow and he is getting drunk to numb the pain of being a bastard, and here comes Benjen telling him to sire some bastards!

Benjen Stark stood up. “More’s the pity.” He put a hand on Jon’s shoulder.

“Come back to me after you’ve fathered a few bastards of your own, and we’ll see how you feel.”

Jon trembled. “I will never father a bastard,” he said carefully. “Never!” He spat it out like venom. - Jon, AGoT

There’s so much emotion here. The words used - ‘trembled’, ‘Never’, ‘Spat’, ‘Venom’ - encapsulates the absolute disgust Jon has for Benjen’s suggestion. And at that moment, with Jon looking at his siblings seated across him on the dais, I can totally understand his reaction to Benjen.

And it’s an ongoing theme in Jon’s relationship with Ygritte. Robb and Theon, who grew up with Jon, don’t have the same hang ups that Jon does in regards to their sexual partners. Well, Robb did to a certain extend in terms of marrying Jeyne Westerling so that he wouldn’t be responsible for a bastard who would have to grow up as Jon did or worse.

But since we have Jon’s POV, we get to read how he feels ashamed and almost disgusted by sex in AGoT and ACoK. And it’s not just because of his vows of celibacy either. He cheapens the act as being between ‘a pair of rutting dogs’

"You are a free man now, and Ygritte is a free woman. What dishonor if you lay together?"

"I might get her with child."

"Aye, I'd hope so. A strong son or a lively laughing girl kissed by fire, and where's the harm in that?"

Words failed him for a moment. "The boy . . . the child would be a bastard."

“Are bastards weaker than other children? More sickly, more like to fail?”

“No, but—”

“You’re bastard-born yourself. And if Ygritte does not want a child, she will go to some woods witch and drink a cup o’ moon tea. You do not come into it, once the seed is planted.”

“I will not father a bastard.” - Jon, ASoS

The proving had been so sweet, though, and Ygritte had gone to sleep beside him with her head against his chest, and that was sweet as well, dangerously sweet. He thought of the weirwoods again, and the words he'd said before them. It was only once, and it had to be. Even my father stumbled once, when he forgot his marriage vows and sired a bastard. Jon vowed to himself that it would be the same with him. It will never happen again. - Jon, ASoS

Remember in AGoT when Jon repeats Maester’s Luwin’s ignorant bigotry about bastards growing up faster?

Uncle Benjen studied his face carefully. “The Wall is a hard place for a boy, Jon.”

“I am almost a man grown,” Jon protested. “I will turn fifteen on my next name day, and Maester Luwin says bastards grow up faster than other children.” - Jon, AGoT

As bastards they are brought up hearing how they are treacherous (Once a man had said the words his blood was black. Black as a bastard's heart ) or lusty.

Everyone knew that bastards were wanton and treacherous by nature, having been born of lust and deceit. - Jon, ASoS

That’s why Jon’s thoughts on marrying Val and having children are different to what he had with Ygritte. What Stannis offers him is the choice to have legitimate children.

I would need to steal her if I wanted her love, but she might give me children. I might someday hold a son of my own blood in my arms. A son was something Jon Snow had never dared dream of, since he decided to live his life on the Wall. I could name him Robb. - Jon, ASoS

The Jon at the end of ADwD is also more grown up and mature, someone who takes his bastardy in stride. And yet still understands the weight of societal prejudice - he sees it in how the brothers treat Satin and the Freefolk and the spearwives. It will be interesting to see if his emotional trauma with respect to his bastardy will continue to be a part of resurrected Jon’s story arc and whether it will be explored and dealt with before he knows the truth about his parentage.

#Jon Snow #asoiaf

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fritextramole · 3 months

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heal the holes in me

part 2 of a Nate Archibald playlist - best heard in order

tracklist and quotes under the cut

This Year ~ The Mountain Goats

I played video games in a drunken haze I was 17 years young Hurt my knuckles punching the machines The taste of Scotch rich on my tongue

Going Underground ~ The Jam

We talk and we talk until my head explodes I turn on the news and my body froze

There Is a Light That Never Goes Out ~ The Smiths

Take me out tonight Because I want to see people And I want to see life Driving in your car Oh please, don't drop me home Because it's not my home, it's their home And I'm welcome no more

It’s Obvious ~ Au Pairs

Spending time nowadays By my side That's oh so nice

Fall for Me ~ Matt Doyle

It never has been easy, lover, standing at your side Always thinking you've got something to prove And while I hate to have to blow your cover But it's only pride

Dance With Somebody ~ The Midnight

Take off your armor, let down your hair You could sit on your hands or you could get closer, if you dare And it's not that the rest of us don't have to fight For every bit of love and every bit of light But tonight, it's Friday night

Dance With Me ~ Dirty Honkers

Your hand was shaking as I held it tight We were alone beneath the stars

Triple Dog Dare ~ Lucy Dacus

They put our faces on the milk jugs Missing children 'til they gave up Your mama was right, and through the grief Can't fight the feeling of relief

Video Games ~ Trixie Mattel

They say that the world was built for two Only worth living if somebody is loving you And, baby, now you do

Unwritten ~ Natasha Bedingfield

Let the sun illuminate the words that you cannot find

Love My Way ~ Psychedelic Furs

In a room without a door

I Like Me Better ~ Lauv

If we lay, let the day just pass us by I might get to too much talking I might have to tell you something

Ultralife ~ Oh Wonder

Blood running in my veins I've never been here before And I got love falling like the rain I never could've asked for more I got so much soul inside my bones Take a look at me now I'm young forever in the sun

Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes) ~ Edison Lighthouse

I'm a lucky fella And I've just got to tell her That I love her endlessly

Oh, What A World ~ Kacey Musgraves

Oh, what a world, don't wanna leave All kinds of magic all around us, it's hard to believe Thank God it's not too good to be true Oh, what a world, and then there is you

Ecstasy (Apple of My Eye) ~ Strawberry Switchblade

Doing all we want to do Seeing things we've never seen Going places we haven't tried to be

Neptune’s Jewels ~ Mystic

Something about my lifestyle makes love so strange

Sundress ~ Zoo Culture

Just picturing you and I on an island in the sky so high That no one can reach us, nobody can preach to us

Big Jet Plane ~ Angus & Julia Stone

Gonna hold ya, gonna kiss ya in my arms Gonna take ya away from harm

Perfect Day ~ Lou Reed

Just a perfect day, problems all left alone Weekenders on our own, it's such fun Just a perfect day, you made me forget myself

What I Got ~ Sublime

Love is what I got, it's within my reach

uuu ~ Field Medic

Lovin' you sure makes me afraid of losin' But I don't care, I can't slow down now

Real Love Baby ~ Father John Misty

Our hearts are free So tell me what's wrong with the feeling I'm a flower, you're the bee It's much older than you and me

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy ~ Queen

When I'm not with you, think of you always I miss you (I miss those long hot summer nights)

Hazel ~ Roy Blair

Can't take back what I've been born with My family's gorgeous, flaws and all I won't ignore them, they're important Keeping these friends until the end

Age of Consent ~ New Order

I thought that you might like to know I received your message in full a few days ago I understood every word that it said

Moon and Waves ~ Haroula Rose

Why does every river's flow reach for the sea? Can they be lonely? Seeking some truth to reveal? Serving their purpose for eternity

august ~ Taylor Swift

For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call

#gg #ggplaylists #nate archibald #gossip girl #source: senamarais

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mlmxreader · 11 months

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Hey! As always, I hope you're doing well.

Okay, first off, thank you once more for gracing us with the beautiful picture that is your dog! Goodness gracious he's so flipping cute, I absolutely can not, CANNOT!!

Secondly, happy birthday? Belated, upcoming?! Either way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY🥳!! And congrats on the good work in digging those trenches. Your boss' comments and your response made me chuckle 😆.

Third, I just saw that you posted Run Away with Me ... if I could put a gif in these anonymous asks I would and it would be a stream of tears and a slow clap. The way you incorporated those lines into this piece was *chefs kiss*.

The additon of Missus Solomons being the first person he came out to and her being so fully supportive and pointedly using masculine terms had me crying with joy!! Because even in the mess that is all the bigotry, we can't forget that there are people who genuinely care about the person and I just cannot even rely how heartwarming it was for me to read that. This in addition with this line:

"He kept it all the way to the front lines. Alfie promised once. He didn't need to promise again."

Literally the feral energy you have elicited within me with this because my heart is just so incredibly full. When I requested this, I think I expected the lines to be in a comedic, fluff piece but this... yeah this was excellent!! On the backdrop of the dark reality that is being at war, you still managed to have a moment of reprieve for these two, even if the only way they can hold one another is under the guise of keeping warm. Alfie constantly thinking about his partner and wanting to make that journey to Germany, even if it could all be a hoax, regardless of the risks it could have on his person, he'd take them all because that's how much he loves his husband 😢🥹.

Thank you so, so much for writing this, you have no idea how grateful I am for this and for you!! Seriously 🤍🤍🤍!

🐍anon

hi!!! I'm doing alright, thank you 🫶🏻

yeah, he's dopey too lmao he does this thing called land sharking where he lies down and his lips fall out of place so his teeth are bared and he'll fall asleep like that 😅 but he did also steal a triceratops teddy bear which he now cuddles into when he's in the other dog's (Flash's) bed

also, thank you. I don't really celebrate it anymore, but it was on the 20th - so I'm now 22 and I honestly just don't really care lmfao I'm more worried about whether or not I can get enough money to survive the month 😅

third: I'M SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT!!!!! honestly any excuse to write WW1 stuff I am taking it and I am happy w it shfksjfkdkf

WE LOVE MISSUS SOLOMONS IN THIS HOUSE!!!! SHE'S AN ABSOLUTE ICON!!!! it's a shame we never got to see her in the series, but if Alfie's anything to go by, I think it's safe to say that she's a "do no harm but take no shit" type and would 100% be more inclined towards the socialism side of things as opposed to anything else - so she's an icon!!!

the early 1900s were, admittedly, a shitty time for trans people - almost as bad as it is now and even though he was far from perfect and he didn't get everything right, Magnus Hirschfeld did open the first gender affirming clinic in 1919 (along w some other colleagues), so there WAS very much a safe place for trans people at the time.

but anyways shfkajfkajfja thank you 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 I'm genuinely so, so glad that you enjoyed it!!!

#asks #🐍 anon

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theflowerofthecommonwealth · 2 years

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Facts about my OC Jasmine.

@satans-left-asscheeky had requested more info on Jasmine, and I forgot to make this a lot earlier so here it is! :D (Im so sorry bro its been months since you requested this)

Might want to read her timeline to help things make more sense. Hopefully this helps give more insight on Jasmine!!

First name? Prewar, she was named Rosalinda nicknamed Rosie by everyone. Postwar she changed it to Jasmine and only lets Nick call her Rosalinda or Rosie when he needs to get her attention.

Last Name? Prewar, Brookes Romeo. Postwar if she was asked she’d respond with Valentine.

Age? 15 years, and she cannot age due to being given an experimental serum that halts her aging and growth. (Similar to the Cabot serum)

Appearance? I did a post on that here. Also, there is fan art done here by @that-blue-vault-dweller and another fan art done here by @sswitchblade03

Gender? Female.

Sexual Orientation? Straight, but I don't think she is gonna be dating anyone anytime soon due to low self esteem and trauma. Kudos to the boy who manages to steal her heart- she is NEVER gonna seriously ask you.

Is their family big or small? Who does it consist of? Prewar, It consisted of her Adoptive Father and Mother along with their two biological kid but she has friends who were so close she considers them family as well. Her adoptive Father died when she was three but she didn’t really know him but when her mother died when she was just about to turn nine it devastated her. Postwar she has accepted Nick as her Dad and Ellie as her older sister. Together with the other companions, they make an odd little family. I did a post on it here.

What is their perception of family? To her, family is whoever loves and cares about you. Doesn't matter to her if its biological or adoptive, family is family and its precious to her.

Do they have siblings? Older or younger?: Prewar she had an older sister named Lilac and younger brother named Cosmos, both she loved dearly and protected and cared for them to her best extent. Postwar its basically any companion that acts like an older sibling, most noticeably Ellie, Piper and Hancock who actually calls her little sister or baby sister out loud.

Describe their best friend. Prewar she had a Chinese-American best friend named Jie who was sweet, caring and very optimistic. And because people were stupid, they often harassed the poor girl and in turn Jasmine defended her, going as far to beat up a bunch of other kids. She also was friends with a boy named Donovan whom she teased for kissing her that one time. Both kids she considered her siblings as they were raised alongside her. Postwar her friend is very loyal, smart, handsome and kind, giving everyone that he likes puppy kisses. (Dogmeat)

Do they have any pets? Prewar she had two cats named Nibbles and Munchkins. Postwar she so far has no personal pets, but Nick might get her a cat or two.

Are they introverted or extroverted?: Introverted, she hates casually interacting with new people. The exception being to children, she will play happily with them.

What bad habits do they have? (Trigger Warning for self harm) Her worst habit is self harm that she does in various ways. Mainly when she is stressed or putting herself down after a failure or tough time/memory. Her second bad habit is how self deprecating she can get. Both of those tie into her chem addiction and use.

What makes them laugh out loud? A dog or cat doing something funny or cute always makes at least her eyes light up.

How do they display affection? Usually a shoulder pat or squeeze and a smile to people she likes. If you get manage to get close enough with her, platonic hugs, cheek and head kisses, and snuggles. She was very affectionate with her prewar family and friends and will be with her post war given enough time and love.

How do they react to praise? To genuine praise, she kinda malfunctions and breaks a little, unsure how to receive it or respond. She is used to being horribly verbally berated or catcalled, so its a surprise when its genuine.

What is their greatest fear? Everyone she ever loves or cares about dying without her, which she already lived once.

What haunts them? The dead ghosts of her past (in some cases, literally) , the trauma and abuse she endured, and her failures.

What would they ask a fortune teller? “Why am I so fucking unlucky?”

What sense do they most rely on? Her hearing and sight. Every sense she has is enhanced greatly, but she cannot taste anything due to trauma with her food being poisoned and tasting like shit anyways.

How do they respond to a threat? By getting extremely hostile right back, especially if the threat is to someone she is close to or to a child.

Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue? Fists with some harsh words following. Nick holds her back for a good reason, girl will tear people apart.

How do they perceive strangers? As threats at first, no matter how friendly they seem. Her trust has been played with so much that she wont put her trust in people so easily. But if you can get the girl to fully trust you, God will she be loyal and trusting to the end.

What is their choice of weapon? A pistol, a knife/dagger, and sometimes a baseball bat. But she is deadly with almost any weapon. She also has a knack for making weapons out of anything.

Where do they go when they’re angry? In Diamond City, she will climb on top of the city walls to a secret diner on top to hide from everyone or vent out her anger. If she is not in Diamond City, then she will just runaway until she calms down or is brought back.

What is their current job? Detectives partner/apprentice I guess would be the best way to describe it. She can be a huge help with Nicks cases, especially when combat is necessary.

What are their hobbies? At least the normal ones? Sewing, knitting, Video games, cooking, jump rope, and reading.

Do they have any specialist training? Yes, if you don't know or haven't figured it out, the girl is trained to be a human weapon.

Do they have a natural talent for something? She was born already with extraordinary capabilities, so basically anything physical. But also singing, girl has the voice of an angel.

Do they play a sport? Are they any good? She did play Volleyball and Soccer before the war, and she was very good at both.

What is their favourite animal? Dogs and Cats. No, she wont pick just one.

Which animal to they dislike the most? Deathclaws and Mirelurks.

What is their favorite song? “Chiquilla Bonita” by Los Bukis and “Dear Hearts and Gentle people” on Diamond City Radio

Music, art, reading preferred? All three.

What is their favourite color? Pink!!

What is the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen? The sunrising on the beach when she was little. And her Mamá.

What is their most treasured possession? She tries not to get attached to things, but she adores the stuffed bear Nick bought her. She named her Winnie and she snuggles it when sleeping or in need of comfort.

What smells remind them of their childhood? The smell of flowers!! Her Mom had a whole garden of them and she loved to smell them, especially the roses.

What is their password? A long string of random numbers and letters she memorized by heart.

Favorite food: Churro Apple Pie. She still dreams of eating it and actually tasting it, but sadly she cannot.

What or who would your character dress up as for Halloween? Either a Princess or a cat. Maybe she would mix both and be a princess cat. :)

What is their favourite day of the week? They all just blend together in an endless long string.

What are their eating habits? Horrible. She hates eating and would rather wait to eat until she is practically starving to death.

What are their sleep habits? Her insomnia makes it difficult to fall asleep but Nick tries to have her in bed by 10:00 pm. She hates sleeping because it makes her feel vulnerable and she has horrible nightmares, so she hardly ever sleeps more than three hours at a time.

What is their alcoholic drink of choice? Its really hard for her to get drunk, nearly impossible. So she used to drink anything that didn't taste like battery acid and she does not face any negative consequences from it. Although Nick wont let her drink anymore.

Did they keep or break their last promise? She rarely makes promises because when she does, she will probably rather die before breaking them. Of course there are exceptions, but she takes them very seriously.

Are they comfortable with technology? Considering her Dad is technology, she doesnt have a big opinion on it. She is more afraid of the person behind said technology.

What is their greatest regret? Telling her adoptive Mom that she wished that she was never adopted by her, right before the car crash that ended up killing her so it was the last thing Jasmine said to her Mamá. :(

WELP. Thats was a long one and I enjoyed writing it. If y'all want more facts or want me to elaborate further on something just let me know.

#fallout #fallout 4 #fo4 #fallout oc #fallout original character #nick valentine #Sorry that got depressing at times.

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f-ssk · 11 months

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You know, I've been thinking about some things recently. I've been reading fanfiction for several years and most of the time it's fluff. Sometimes angst. And quite often, the authors create an obstacle in the romantic relationship between the two main characters. Usually this is a girl / guy who is in love with one of the main characters or has some kind of feelings, but the feelings are obviously not mutual. Either this is a toxic asshole, less often it is an ordinary character who at the end admits that this is not mutual and if he is lucky, he also finds his soul mate.

But this is a rare case. And to be honest, it's a trigger for me. I was in a situation where love is not mutual. I was rejected. It happens. That's life. Dating someone out of pity is stupid, but if it's about love, not just crush, it's also absolutely not a situation where you say: “Well, it didn't work out and it's okay, everything is fine”. Because it’s not.

Speaking of fanfiction and "interference on the path of true love" characters, then I was in the place of a similar "interference" between true love. I fell in love with a guy who was in love with another girl and chose her. I wasn't a toxic asshole and I didn't hurt my rival in love. It just so happened that he loved her, not me. Maybe she even saw me as a some bitch who trying get her man for money, power or something (which is not truth), i don’t know it.

So sometimes I empathize with these side characters more than the main characters and sometimes I associate myself more with them. I was in their place. Therefore, sometimes fics with love triangle is a trigger for me. When the main character rejects a girl harshly because he is in love with a y/n/reader/main character i increasingly think: “He and (name) will live happily and have fun after that, while the other person must deal with all this pain like I once did”. And i get flashbacks.

I understand how much it hurts. Just imagine that you are a stray cat who lived quietly, loxal children played with you and you basked in the sun and then a person who is a dog hunter gives you food with poison. After a while, you feel pain in your stomach, you do not understand what is happening. You are scared and hurt. You don't know where to hide from this pain. I experienced the same thing, but in my soul and heart after a hard rejection. This is really something like death, only it is not a poor animal that dies, but a part of your soul. You can't trust anyone anymore as before. You understand that you are responsible for yourself, not the other person and only you can help yourself, but you don't have the strength to do it. Relatives and friends are not always there at such moments, you know.

Of course i understand that it's impossible to make someone fall in love, it's wrong. Dating out of pity is stupid. But none of this makes the pain of rejection less and helps you get through it. If in fanfiction the protagonist says "I'm sorry" to a side character after a rejection, most often it sounds insincere. Man, you're literally going to be kissing your girlfriend in five minutes, what kind of apology are you talking about? Most often it is just “I am sorry I can’t” and such a contrast only makes everything worse. And i think: “You're just apologizing because you don't want to be an asshole, not because you really care about the other person, dude”.

And who knows what is worse: not to apologize at all or to apologize as if you are doing a favor? Of course, this is not a reason to harm someone, this is obvious. If you freak out or harm your love or his girlfriend, you will only disgrace yourself. Accepting a refusal is the only adequate option in this case, but it does not make the situation any better anyway. You still hurt, you still feel scared, you still find it hard to trust other people, and you still don’t have the strength to help yourself. There are no guarantees that someone will ask: «How are you? Do you need help? How can i help you?”. Even if you assume that you will receive therapy and fix this trauma, you will still be afraid deep down that it will happen again in a new relationship. I am 28 y.o. and 10 years after being rejected, I'm still single and I didn't have a relationship with anyone. I still have trust issues and I'm still scared to tell people how I feel. Even now it seems to me that I can bring discomfort to someone.

So while trying to get away from triggers, I try to avoid fanfiction with love triangles. Because it's going to be toxic for someone anyway, and I know I'll get another flashback. Those heavy emotions that I described above are my personal experience, for whom it may be different. I'm not a fanfiction writer and I'm not trying to dictate what to write. It's just that if someone reads this, maybe it will prompt the authors or other peoples to some thoughts. It just my thoughts and feelings i decided to share.

And in conclusion, I want to introduce you to my favorite author @m-jelly. She is amazing person and (i hope) my friend. Her fics are amazingly good and wonderful ❤️❤️❤️ When i read her fics i feel happy and relaxed.

#aot fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #fanfics #anime #fixs #fics #my thoughts #relationship #love #love triangle #rejection #psychology #ao3 stuff #ao3 fanfic #ao3fic #artists on tumblr #tumblr #writers on tumblr

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cherryblossomshadow · 1 year

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Is it Wrong to Eat Your Dog?

Or, a bunch of really interesting thought experiments about morality

Affect, Culture, and Morality, or Is it Wrong to Eat Your Dog?

Jonathan Haidt, Silvia Helena Koller, and Maria G. Dias

(From the Materials and Procedure section on page 617:)

The basic procedure was the structured interview, described by Turiel (1983). Three stories were paraphrased from Davidson, Turiel, and Black (1983).

In the Swings story, a girl wants to use a swing, so she pushes a boy off and hurts him. This is a prototypical moral violation, because it involves direct physical harm to an innocent victim.

In the Uniform story, a boy wears regular clothes to school, even though the school requires students to wear a uniform.

In the Hands story, a man eats all his food with his hands, in public and in private, after washing them. These last two stories are prototypical conventional violations, because they involve no intrinsic harm to others.

The novel stimuli created for this study were five harmless-offensive stories in which an actor does something likely to be considered offensive, yet there is neither harmful intention nor harmful consequence.

Two of these stories involved disrespect or disobedience:

Flag: A woman is cleaning out her closet, and she finds her old [American or Brazilian] flag. She doesn't want the flag anymore, so she cuts it up into pieces and uses the rags to clean her bathroom.

Promise: A woman was dying, and on her deathbed she asked her son to promise that he would visit her grave every week. The son loved his mother very much, so he promised to visit her grave every week. But after the mother died, the son didn't keep his promise, because he was very busy.

Three additional stories involved unconventional food and sexual practices, designed to trigger the emotion of disgust:

Dog: A family's dog was killed by a car in front of their house. They had heard that dog meat was delicious, so they cut up the dog's body and cooked it and ate it for dinner.

Kissing: A brother and sister like to kiss each other on the mouth. When nobody is around, they find a secret hiding place and kiss each other on the mouth, passionately.

Chicken: A man goes to the supermarket once a week and buys a dead chicken. But before cooking the chicken, he has sexual intercourse with it. Then he cooks it and eats it. [This story was given to adults only]

The Philadelphia Board of Education gave an unwanted confirmation of the offensiveness of these stories when it refused to permit the incestuous Kissing story to be read to public school children ... [We substituted] a different disgust story. For Philadelphia low-SES children, the Kissing story was replaced by the Candy story, in which a 12-year-old boy "eats so much candy that he is full. But he still wants to eat more candy, so he makes himself throw up in the bathroom, then he returns to his room to eat more candy. Nobody sees him do this, and it does not make him feel bad."

A final story, given only to children, described a girl who goes out for a walk wearing entirely blue clothing. This was given to catch subjects who were not paying attention ... Any child who did not say that this action was "perfectly OK" was removed from the study ...

After each story, six probe questions were asked:

a) Evaluation: "What do you think about this? Is it very wrong, a little wrong, or is it perfectly OK for [act specified]?"

b) Justification: "Can you tell me why?"

c) Harm: "Is anyone hurt by what [the actor] did? Who? How?"

d) Bother: "Imagine that you actually saw someone [performing the act]. Would it bother you, or would you not care?"

e) Interference: "Should [the actor] be stopped or punished in any way?

f) Universal: "Suppose you learn about two different foreign countries. In country A, people [do that act] very often, and in Country B, they never [do that act]. Are both of these customs OK, or is one of them bad or wrong?"

The Harm probe was included in response to Turiel et al.'s (1987) claim that Shweder et al.'s (1987) 39 stories may have been perceived as harmful in India, but not in the United States. The Harm probe determines whether there are cultural differences in the perception of harmfulness. The Bother probe serves a similar function as a check on the offensiveness of the stories. These two probes work together as manipulation checks to determine whether the harmless-offensive stories are perceived to be equally harmless and offensive in all groups.

The two most important probe questions are the Interference and Universal probes, which determine when a moralizing stance is taken. The Interference probe was taken from Miller et al. (1990). It establishes whether the action is seen as the actor's own business or whether outside interference would be legitimate and appropriate. The Universal probe establishes whether the action is seen as universally wrong, regardless of local customs and consensus, or whether it is seen as a social convention that can be different in different places. A subject who says that "both countries are OK" indicates that the practice is perceived to be a social convention, whereas a subject who states that "one of those countries has a bad custom" takes a moralizing stance.

#i post #lives in my head #rent free #i link #link to article #morality #jonathan haidt #thought experiment #fuck a dead chicken #i love epic tales #affect culture and morality or is it wrong to eat your dog #is it wrong to eat your dog

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servin-up-surveys · 1 year

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survey #105

(taken january 24th; uploading surveys taken while gone)

What is the age diff between the last two people you kissed romantically? Girt is around four or five years older than Sara. I've honestly forgotten if Sara was a year or two years younger than me.

Whose birthday is coming up next, that you know in your head? My friend Alyssa's.

Who did you last walk a dog with? Colleen, when she lived in the apartment and had to take her dogs outside on a leash to do their business.

If you had to name your kid after an American state, which would you choose? Probably Dakota.

How about if you had to name your kid after a city? Uh... maybe Charlotte? London? Idk, there are WAY too many cities and I don't even know most of them.

Can you burp on cue? Not anymore. I could as a kid, but it's something I actually stopped doing after this one time I was trying to get burps out of my chest as a kid in the car and then after one, for the next three straight days, I constantly felt right on the very precipice of puking. I eventually went to the hospital, but they couldn't find anything wrong, and oddly enough, the next morning I was fine. It was one of the scariest experiences of my life because of how terrified I am of vomiting, and I CONSTANTLY felt ready to just hurl.

What do you use to dry your clothes? (Tumble dryer, radiator, etc) Tumble dryer.

Are there are stickers on your computer? No; it's never something I've felt the need to invest in, regardless of how cheap they are. I receive money normally only two times a year, I'm not wasting it on stickers.

Will anything change in the next month? I'll be a year older and it would be REALLY nice if I found a job, too... I'm checking job hunting sites every day lately.

Do you plan on taking your husband’s last name if you ever marry? Most likely, yeah. Idk what I'd decide if I end up marrying a woman or nonbinary individual, but I feel like I would most likely take their last name, too.

Have you ever had an STD? No.

Do you have a lot of emotional baggage? BOY, DO I

Would you consider yourself artistic? Yeah.

Do you regret your last kiss? Nope.

Do you have any nieces or nephews? I have A LOT, like over ten. I only regularly see my immediate older sister's three kids, though. My other siblings with kids don't live here.

Do you like techno? Yes.

Are you on good terms with your last ex? No, but it's not something I care about anymore honestly. Is what it is.

Is anybody in your family schizophrenic? If so, what is their life like? My dad's oldest daughter is, but I've never met her and he definitely has nothing to do with her either so I don't know stories or anything. I've seen a single picture of her in my entire life.

What kinds of questions do you not like being asked? Employment-related things. Self-care stuff.

List 3 things that peeve you off. People getting pets they can't/don't properly provide for and/or don't do the necessary research, people acting like hot shit for having the "guts" to kill snakes minding their own goddamn business and controlling the pest population, and cringe culture. It is REALLY upsetting to me when people make others feel like shit or dumb or weird because of what makes them happy if it's totally innocent and harms no one. I'm not gonna lie, there are things that illicit the "cringe" reaction out of me, like musicals, but I'm not gonna shit all over them just because *I* don't enjoy them.

Do you remember who you liked in grade eight? I don't think I liked anyone, actually.

Does/did either of your parents serve in the military? No.

Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? Most likely Alaska, if we were there at a good time to see the Northern Lights.

Do you have Verizon? I have a Tracfone. I want something new and better SO badly.

Is there ever a time that you enjoy cold showers? No. I may like cooler showers if I'm extremely overheated, but not cold.

Is there anybody you’re not ashamed to tell anything to? No.

What has changed most about you in the past year? I take less shit from people, at least. I've gotten better at establishing boundaries and acknowledging and enforcing precisely how I want to be treated.

Ignoring nutrition, could you live off veggies for the rest of your life? Definitely not. I'm not a big veggie person at all.

Elaborate on a way you have volunteered? I once helped out at a place that was literally a combo of an ATV repair and snake breeding store. I helped clean out the absolutely massive snakes' cages as well as the feeding rats'. It was something I was excited about, but I think I lasted like... two hours because of how terrible a shape my body was/is in but even more so that the heat was unfuckingbearable and I have hyperhidrosis so I was absolutely dying and needed to leave. I sincerely looked like I'd gone swimming.

Are you one to sneak food into movie theaters? Uh yeah, shamelessly. Those prices are fucking unreal.

How are things between the person you like/love/are with? We're just fine.

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Miraculously.

If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose? RAMMSTEIN, FUCKIN EASY 😭

Have you ever been around someone who was high? Yeah, a few times.

Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning? Morning. I favored night showers most of my life, but it's been changed for quite a while now because it's just a good start to the day. Especially when you're someone who struggles to shower as much as they should, it's an ESPECIALLY good start to the day and makes me feel productive.

Are you on birth control? Yes; my period pain is unbearable otherwise.

Why aren’t you in "love" with your last ex? I was never in love with her. I don't know what we had.

What is your favourite dog breed? I have a lot I really love, like akitas and shibas, Saint Bernards, beagles, chow-chows, Mexican hairless, dobermanns...

What website do you visit most often? YouTube.

Do you have a cat? Yeah, my Roman boy. :')

Do you subscribe to channels on YouTube? A lot, even though I don't regularly watch even a third of the channels I've subscribed to. I did actually clean out my subscriptions two days ago, though.

Where do you want to be in five years? Stable job or even building my photography career, my own place with Girt, probably at least engaged if I'm still with him, way healthier and happier, able to drive/have my own car, have more pets...

What food(s) do you refuse to eat? Anything that was hunted for sport. I absolutely WILL NOT. If it was killed with the genuine intent to use it as food and wasn't made by me, then I would MAYBE do it, but I'm definitely not sure on that. You will never see me put oysters/clams, escargot, octopus, or organs like liver and shit in my mouth. There are WAY more that just aren't coming to me rn, I am absurdly picky with food.

Do you have a good relationship with your mom? Yes. I'm alive because of her, and I mean that in WAY more ways than just the fact she gave birth to me.

Do you have a good relationship with your dad? I mean I guess, we get along fine, we just don't interact as much as a father and child should. I love my dad, I do, but he doesn't get any fatherly awards, exactly.

Do you listen to the Beatles? No. I actually hated their music as a kid (not because they were "in," I hated their music when I was too young to even have any concept of that), but now I'm okay with maybe a couple songs as an adult, but I definitely couldn't accurately call myself a fan or even a deliberate listener.

Do you procrastinate often? SEVERELY.

What are you looking forward to? Wednesday so I can see Girt.

Have you ever had feelings for someone your best friend was dating? They were absolutely not proper "feelings;" I knew lit-erally nothing about Joel OTHER than Jenna liked him and wanted to date. We were two pre-teens that were apparently finding out lust was a thing and I let it get way outta hand until he told me he loved me (which he absolutely, positively did not, but it made me really realize what I was doing).

Have you ever dated someone who had kids? No.

Has anyone seen you naked in the last week? No.

Would you let people stare at your boobs? Uh, I wouldn't let a random person do that. If I noticed that happening, I would call them out on it. I don't really care if my partner does, but like, not in public. That's still not okay to me, have some decency.

Do you like Freddy Krueger? His concept is cool, but his movies are some of the cringiest horror classics from what I've seen.

Have you ever dated your girlfriend's/boyfriend's best friend? No.

What do you think of Rob Zombie? He's cool, I like a lot of his music and general aesthetic. His movies are too raunchy for me though.

Are you a Duck Dynasty fan? I sometimes found the show funny way back in the day, but I haven't watched it or followed the actors for years because I don't support religious bigots.

What kind of person were you in middle school? Weird. Random. Probably very annoying.

Do you have any major regrets in your life? I'll carry my regret for how I treated Jason after the breakup to the grave. That's the biggest, but oh there's more.

Name a TV show that you absolutely can’t stand. I could NEVER watch those shows like Monsters Inside Me that told stories about having internal parasites. FUCK that.

Are you a fast runner? I literally can't run because of my knees.

Have you ever had a concussion? Yes, and I was absolutely fucking miserable. 0/10 do NOT recommend.

Do you listen to heavy metal music? Yeah, that's my fave.

The song you last heard, does it make you think of anyone? I've gotten into "0% Angel" by Mr. Kitty and yeah, it makes me think of Jason. Kinda hurts to listen to but oh well, tired of trauma interferring with shit I can do.

Have you ever donated money to a charity? Yes.

Do you get bored easily? I have anhedonia as a depression symptom. I am very nearly always bored.

Are you good at doing tongue twisters? I'm actually not sure, I don't really try them.

Have you ever been to a drive-in movie? No. I mean, in elementary school we sometimes had movie on the lawn nights, but you didn't stay in your car or anything; you brought towels and stuff to sit in the grass.

Are you good at doing fractions? Hell no. Tbh I don't even know how to add or subtract them anymore if they don't have a common denominator.

What age did you have your first kiss at? I was a month into 16.

Do you regret losing your virginity to whoever you lost it to? I haven't yet but I know I won't if I lose it to who I plan to.

Do you get mad easily? No.

Have you ever auditioned for a talent competition? No.

Would you rather get high or get drunk? High, if it was just something like weed. I ain't fucking with more serious drugs.

Do you like the Silent Hill movies? First one is fine, though it took some getting used to for me since it changed the OG story's plot so much. It still bothers me that the director chose the mother instead of the father to search for Cheryl/Sharon LITERALLY just because of sexist reasons. The second movie is a fucking catastrophe plot-wise, but I could still watch it JUST because of how much I love the franchise and Pyramid Head is fucking hot lmfao

Tell me something you’ve been made fun of for in the past. This is one of those "it only happened once" things, but I still remember it SO clearly: in kindergarten, we were sharing our favorite sandwiches one day, I answered that mine was bologna, cheese, and mustard, and all the students were so grossed out, doing all these "EWWWW" sounds and stuff and it scarred me for life :')

#survey #surveys #random questions #personal questions

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shg-experiment · 1 year

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Day 1 of being a hot girl.

My phone was in the sitting room, charging, because there’s no plug on my side of the bed. So I woke up without an alarm- that seems hot. My boyfriend (who already thinks I’m hot and loves me an egregious amount just the way I am, is unaware of this experiment. It seemed counter-productive to tell him about it. I will just leave him as an unchanging variable and let him enjoy the benefits of this experiment without telling him what I’m doing.) had already gotten out of bed, so I woke up alone. Here’s the thing, I love sleep. I love going to bed- as early as I can help it- and sleeping as long as I need to. My happy place is between 8-9 hours (closer to 9). When he goes to bed with me, at an earlier time, he literally can’t stay asleep, and will get up before me- which is what happened today.

So I woke up without my phone. It was nice to not look at my phone right away- that honestly felt like something a hot girl would do. D came in and gave me a kiss and told me to keep resting. I kind of did: I laid in bed and thought about how a hot girl like myself would start her day. The possibilities flooded in. I could do some yoga, go on a run, stay in bed and feel my way around (if you catch my drift), read, have breakfast, take a shower… hmmm. Lots of deciding to do. Maybe this is why all those successful people write out their day the night before. Maybe I’ll implement that- later in the experiment, though. I ran through the possibilities and decided to do some yoga and have a green tea. Chic. (I should say that my legs were incredibly sore from going to the gym a few days prior, so the idea of moving any further than my bedroom felt a bit too ambitious first thing.)

I stumbled up, got the tea on, and spread out my mat. I have joined Yoga with Adriene’s 30 day challenge about 3 weeks late. And it took me three days between doing days four and five (like I said, my legs were unbearably sore) but I did it- and that’s what matters. I’m not trying to prove anything! I’m just being hot for me. The yoga was nice, and honestly I think it helped the soreness a bit. However my arms felt weak doing Adriene’s planks and such, but alas. One day at a time. After yoga, I realized that I was getting hungry. So I ate breakfast! Hot girls eat when they’re hungry- that’s a hill I will die on. I can tell you one thing- people who starve themselves do NOT feel hot (unless, I presume, they take a lot of drugs of some sort, which I don’t have the time, money, or stress levels to do.)

I had some oatmeal, and then I got dressed for running and errands. The sun was coming up and it felt a shame not to go to the park for a bit. The leggings I chose were loud and proud. I put on a tight sports bra and a quarter zip that showed off the goods. But then because it was cold I put on two more layers. How does one become a hot girl in the winter? It seems like a cold endeavor, if one is trying to show off all the time. But, I’m not, not really, and I knew I was hot underneath all of my coats, so that’s that. I also put on a cap and sunglasses. However, on my way walking to the shop I passed a man walking his dog and then took off my sunglasses. I felt kind of stupid wearing them because the sun was so low that I was just walking in the shade. Ah well, no matter, I still had my headphones in.

I was listening to a podcast that I’ve been enjoying recently. When I passed people on the street, instead of getting nervous that they might be looking at my butt in the afore mentioned loud leggings, I realized I didn’t really care that much. I wasn’t paying attention to other people, so why would they pay attention to me. Plus, I was focusing on enjoying my podcast and getting to where I was going. Plus, my butt is hot and so what if someone took a wee peek. It doesn’t do me any harm. There, I said it.

I went to a bargain shop and bought a mirror for the bathroom. We had one, but long story short it gold moldy?? Really gross. The frame was wooden and the room was too damp for it. So we’d removed it… but it’s hard to be a hot girl if you can’t do your make up or check your hair in the bathroom mirror! So I bought a small hanging mirror that was ALL metal- hopefully no mold will grow on there. I also popped next door to get some heat protectant for my hair because I decided I would try to Do My Hair now. (That is NOT something I do very much… like I said, it would take me out of my comfort zone.)

Would a hot girl get overwhelmed in the hairspray aisle of a Super Drug? Well, I’m not sure, but I did. There just seemed to be so many products that all did the same thing and yet were all slightly different. It was hard to pick what I wanted because I didn’t really know what I wanted. Perhaps hot girls go through a lot of trial and error. This might’ve been where I could watch an influencer’s video reviewing different products… but I can’t quite do that to myself yet. I didn’t watch any product reviews but the day before I had watched some blowout tutorials, and that’s why I wanted to get heat protectant.

After making my purchase with some money from my tip jar, I headed back home in the sun. I realized when I passed people, I would look at them and smile. I would find something about them that I appreciated, something that made THEM hot, too. Is that the hot girl in me? It’s hard to say at that point. But it was nice not to feel like I was trying to avoid being noticed, or apologize just for existing.

I dropped off my goods and then went to the park. Still enjoying my podcast, I did a bit of a walk/run shuffle. (Sore legs, like I said.) I wasn’t really going for speed or even distance. I was going just to go. Moving consistently feels like something a hot girl would do with her body, and getting out in the sun for a bit felt right today. (I might get more into this later, but I am NOT about tracking exercise, over-exercising or anything like that. Not in the year of our lord 2023, no thank you ma’am. I’m about finding ways to move that bring me joy and feel right in my body… and ANY amount of movement that I do is more than my depression slump, so I’ll take it!)

Hot girl shower was great, and I washed my hair (which I had been needing to do for a few days). I even put on lotion and perfume when I got out. I attempted to wax my underarms, though for the most part it was unsuccessful. The attempt left me with slightly sore, blue, sticky (and hairy) armpits. Ah well, you can’t win them all. I got off the residual wax with some coconut oil and moved on with my day… I never said hot girls are completely hairless! Not to be deterred, I towel dried my hair, did my makeup and then began the blowout. Following the instructions I’d researched the previous day, I used the round brush my mother had given me for Christmas a decade ago. The tutorials said that a thin round brush would be best for my length of hair, but I was just going to use what I had, dammit! And ya know what? It worked alright! I put the heat protectant and some mousse in my hair before I began slowly sectioning and blowing the hair. It was slow going, but I didn’t feel as uncoordinated as I’d expected. Perhaps the planks with Adrienne have been building up strength after all. I succeeded in creating a bit of volume with a very cute flip out at the end. Go me! (It only took me like 45 minutes… hopefully I speed up, otherwise this will be a very time consuming experiment. Though, to be fair I saw a video once stating that your hair looks good for like three days after a blowout, so hopefully that rings true for me.)

D came in just as I was about to change out of the boxers that I’d put on to do my hair and into my jeans for the day. I hid behind the door as he came in because I was embarrassed. TSK TSK! Shame! No hot girl should be embarrassed by her hotness! But, alas, I’m still new. I just knew that he would give me attention and adoration, and I couldn’t take that! Even behind the door, he said I looked very pretty and gave me a smooch on the cheek before heading out on a walk of his own. It’s hard to remember but I think I may have shouted at him to go outside…

So I should say- I’m an actor. Well, kind of. I have two degrees in performance, including a Master’s, and have performed in many different situations as a singer, actor, writer and improviser, but am not currently working in anything at the moment. I’ve heard the term recently: I’m an “auditioning actor”. I like that better than “struggling actor”, though both are kind of true. I’d also been working as a chef up until recently, but I quit that job because I really hated doing it and it made me think of offing myself by walking into traffic more than usual. In general, the cons seemed to outweigh the pros, so I left a couple of weeks ago. Since then I’ve been applying and interviewing for other jobs, that seem like they will make me LESS depressed, but haven’t found anything yet. (Though I have to be honest for a moment, I kind of worry that even working for a fancy tech startup as a customer connection specialist or whatever the hell I apply for these days, with the ability to work remote in my comfy apartment with all manner of warm drinks at my fingertips, will STILL make me depressed. I mean, I’ll still be logging on every day with no end in sight, trying to meet goals or match progress or *insert corporate lingo here* that I don’t care about at all… That’s why I’m working on being hot. Because that’s in my experience and it’s something else to focus on that I am in charge of. I don’t have to wait for a casting director or an agent or a corporate recruiter to tell me that I’m good enough. I can just do these silly little things to feel better about myself, and can feel hot no matter WHAT I’m doing… even if I’m looking at spreadsheets.)

But as an actor, I’ve not given up on the dream yet and part of my goal today was to film a self-tape and update casting photos on an extras casting database that I’m a part of. All of the not-so-glamorous parts of the acting profession. This was added incentive to look nice and have my hair and makeup in an acceptable state. I started with the photos because I just needed to stand still at various distances from the camera, in an array of clothing options, looking in different directions. Headshot from the front, side, other side, back. Full length from the front, side, back. Dressed in a ‘smart’ out fit. Cocktail dress. Posh outfit, fit for the races. (I really guessed on this one because I’ve never been to any sort of races besides high school track meets, but I think they were more going for horse racing.) I even took a swimsuit shot today. For the year I’ve been a part of this casting database, I never had the courage to upload one of those, mostly because I didn’t want to have to take the photo. But in the last few months I got a new ring light that seems to be pretty flattering, and make taking self-tapes easier. I’ve also become a lot more body neutral. And ya know what? I thought I looked alright! Also, being unemployed made me feel a bit more desperate to get more extra work, and I figured the more photos they had they more chance I had of getting called for a job. Wishful thinking? Maybe.

I’ve been an extra on two different professional sets now, and I have to say- it’s really fun! I did two days on a TV set for a Netflix show, and I did one day on an indie film set. It also pays really well compared to most other performance jobs that I’ve had. It’s quite fun, because there’s just so much to look at, and watch. With all sorts of things going on, I find it really interesting. I even got to see a famous actress working who I really admire- that was pretty cool. Also, there’s people whose job it is to tell you exactly what you need to. I like the feeling of certainty that I’m in the right place, doing the right thing. It’s kind of like school, I guess. There’s clear outcomes for me, and I’m doing what I’m told. There aren’t that many situations like that in adulthood, I’ve found. Even if they say- okay, wait here for 2 hours before the next shot- I know where I’m supposed to be, and I’m getting paid. None of the projects that I’ve worked on have been released yet, so I’m not sure if I’ll be disappointed by the finished product. I’m trying to prepare myself to be a tiny blurred blob in the background, so hopefully I won’t be too disappointed.

After I uploaded the photos and updated my measurements on the website, I decided it was time for lunch! (Hot girls eat when they’re hungry!) I got to say hi to D after his walk, and he kept kissing me and telling me how pretty I looked. I made some eggs with veggies and it was seasoned really nicely. (I wasn’t lying about being a chef!) I’m finding that since quitting my job in the kitchen, I’m beginning to enjoy cooking again. It’s something that D and I would do together when we first started dating, but hadn’t been doing as much since I started working as a chef. Hopefully we can do more of that soon.

D works from home, as a software engineer, and he was having a lunch break as well, and then hopped back on to his computer while I washed up. I had a few job applications on my list that I’d wanted to apply for. It’s odd, but before I began this experiment, I would always feel such a block when trying to apply for new jobs. I would always feel insecure about my background, and how I was trying to spin my experience to fit the role. I’m quite an overthinker, and it would always seem to take me a long time. But for some reason, with my new momentum, I was able to apply for two whole jobs after lunch. One was for a recruitment position, and the other was for social media/content/marketing. The content one also asked me to submit a video with the application. I’d been thinking about it for a couple of days, and wasn’t sure which direction to go in. I’d had an idea that I had started the other day, but wasn’t sure about it. It seemed like a lot of work and the amount of work seemed impossible. But today? I just ran with my idea! I wasn’t overthinking it. I just did some googling, some screenshotting, and made the video! There was a bit of a hiccup because I wanted to use the video as a green screen, but when I did that the audio got all messed up. I’m not a very tech savvy person, but I found a compromise that implemented my idea, but didn’t mess the audio too bad.

I noticed my hair started looking less like a supermodel blowout and more like a collection of straw on which to place eggs. The volume was there, but the texture was pretty harsh… ah well, maybe I need to put more heat protectant on next time. I’ll keep trying different things.

Ultimately, I was just proud of my attempt to Do my hair. I was also proud that I’d managed to upload new photos for casting (something that is hard to do when you feel bad about yourself). I was also proud that I’d managed to submit for TWO corporate-type-jobs!

After dinner, I had a meeting with someone I’m going to be working with. In my unemployed state, I’ve been looking for any jobs that might give me more experience to flush out my LinkedIn. (Ick. I hate linkedin, but more on that later.) Out of the blue, one of my friends who is an assistant camp director who I’ve worked with off and on reached out because she was looking for someone to help plan online events for a network of people with special needs. I’d helped for a one-off Christmas event with the group last year, that I really enjoyed. I was really excited to be offered this position, and even though it’s super-super part-time, I figured could also be another line on the CV. So my meeting was with the coordinator of the events. It felt good to have sent off these applications, and then log on to another meeting. (Who knows, maybe the busy work of corporate life would suit me. Now that I’m hot, it all feels like a game anyway- but maybe it’s starting to feel like a game that I’m winning, instead of constantly staying behind.) The meeting also gave me some action points to get going with for the rest of the week. So, something to work on in the midst of my job search.

Overall, the day was quite good. I mean, I’ll have to adjust my schedule as needed, but it was nice to spend some time for myself this morning (yoga, go to the park, get ready) and then also to have things to get done and work on. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

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