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waywardrose13 · 3 years

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Deliverance From Evil

Pairing: DARK!Dean Winchester x Reader (?), Sam x Reader (platonic)

Word Count: 11,054

Warnings: TRIGGER WARNING: Non-con, rape, physical and mental/emotional abuse. Ages 18+, virgin!reader, language, mentions of depression/anxiety, curse, purgatory, purgatory!Dean, hateful remarks, negative self image, mentions of suicidal thoughts, not enough editing to satisfy me. Please let me know if I missed any triggers/warnings.

Rating: Mature- 18+!! If I find that you are under 18, you will be blocked. Go read some of my minor friendly stories.

Summary: Dean Winchester had two sides; the selfless, caring man who loved his baby brother, car, and pie; and the cruel, sadistic man who was hell bent on making Y/n’s life a living hell. When Dean, Cas, and Y/n are sucked into Purgatory, things take a turn for the worse. Two years later, Y/n finds herself face to face with the man who broke her. A new discovery leads to Y/n finding out the truth, yet sometimes, the truth is better left unsaid.

A/N- This story is very dark and can be triggering to some readers. Please do not read if any of the above warnings are triggering to you. I have also listed some resources below if you are in need of help. I love you all!

Bingo squares: @spndarkbingo (Purgatory!Dean) // @badthingshappenbingo (This is for your own good) // @spndeanbingo (Soulmates AU)

U.S. National Sexual Violence Hotline: 800.656.4673

U.S. National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800.799.7233

The idea of Purgatory wasn’t what put me on edge. It wasn’t the monsters constantly down your throat, or the blood, sweat, and tears that somehow never seemed to stop. It was Dean Winchester’s sinister stare and cruel remarks that put me on edge.

I didn’t hate the man. If I was being honest, I felt quite the opposite, but it was more of a feeling of distress. Ever since meeting him, something about me had made him loathe me. I wasn’t sure what it was, nor have I ever asked, but whatever it is, I have never been able to make him at least tolerate me.

Sam and I had met in college. I was a freshman when he was a senior, and he tutored me for a while. We became friends, and soon we found out the both of us had gone to college to escape the hunting life. We grew apart for years, naturally coming back together on a hunt.

I had been at the bunker with the Winchesters ever since, much to the elder brother’s dismay. And ever since then, Dean had made it his job to make my life a living hell.

It started out as small jabs at me; little comments that had an underlying, cruel meaning to them. Or forgetting to pick me up from police stations, houses, etc, or not bringing back food for me. But slowly, it evolved into something more. He began openly being cruel towards me, saying things that made me cry in bed at night. He’d shove me when Sam wasn’t looking, he’d purposely break my things, bleach my clothes, point out my insecurities for a laugh.

I honestly thought the bullying ended in high school.

I hadn’t fallen in love with the person he was towards me. I had fallen in love with the person he was to others. He was selfless and caring. He was brave, intelligent, and had a killer sense of humor. And the simple sight of him made me weak at the knees. But whenever his words were spoken to me, or his glare was pointed at me, I sometimes forgot who he was when he wasn’t hating me.

Something must have been wrong with me. How could I love a man who was so ruthlessly callous to me? Although I had tried to stop the feelings, it was like an inexplicable pull vehemently caused me to fall into a confusing love with this man. It was unstoppable, and however much I prayed or wished for it to leave, the feeling never ceased.

“Hey, Y/N!” I jumped as Dean barked at me, and I snapped myself out of it, looking towards him. “Get your head out of the damn clouds and move your ass.”

I sighed, hoisting my makeshift bag onto my shoulder, trudging after him and Benny.

After Dean killed Dick Roman, he, Cas and I were swallowed into Purgatory along with the Leviathan, too close to the impact sight, apparently. I immediately knew I was fucked when Dean looked at me dead in the eyes when we landed and told me he’d rather go to hell than be stuck with me in a place like this.

“We need her, Dean,” Cas had said. Dean had rolled his eyes, scoffing.

“We need her like we need the plague, Cas,” he snarled. I flinched at his words, and I closed my eyes for a moment to keep the tears at bay. “I mean for fucks sake.”

“Look, the way I see it, I don’t care if you hate her, but we need all the help we can get. And she’s a good hunter despite everything else you, for some reason, hate about her.”

It was the first time someone had stood up for me. It wasn’t long, however, before Dean and I were on our own, Cas seemingly taking off after a particularly rough fight. He ignored me the whole time, not saying any words to me, but using his shoulder to roughly shove me out of his way from time to time. The way I saw it, he wasn’t verbally abusing me anymore. I could manage a few shoves.

When Benny joined our team of two, Dean began speaking again, and we continued the search for Cas.

So here we were now, walking through the dense forest of Purgatory, eyes and ears constantly alert. It was like the start of a bad joke; two hunters and a vampire walk through purgatory…

“Don’t mind him, Cher,” Benny murmured to me. “He’s in a mood.”

“He’s always in a mood around me, Benny,” I said. “Nothing I do will ever change that.”

“Benny, quit gossiping with her and get over here,” Dean said, voice hushed. He was crouched down over the edge of a cliff, Benny and I making our way to crouch on either side of him. Dean shot me a dirty look, and he turned slightly towards Benny.

“What is it?” The vampire asked. Dean nodded his head to the valley at the bottom of the ridge.

“Leviathans,” Dean said. “Took out a small pack of wolves a few minutes ago.”

I shivered, watching as one of the leviathans picked up a severed limb, inspecting it before tossing it to the side.

“Shit. That was our path, wasn’t it?” Benny asked. Dean nodded.

“Yeah, and I’m not really in the mood to get into a fight with a bunch of leviathans right now,” he said.

“I don’t blame you, chief,” Benny agreed. “But what are we going to do now?”

I glanced to the left, eyes roaming the cliff side. It was high above the creatures below, and it fed to another cliff edge on the other side. It would be above our path, but most likely would run parallel alongside it. There seemed to be good footwells along the cliffside, and I struggled to get the courage up to speak.

“I have an idea,” I said. Both men looked over at me, interest on Benny’s face and annoyance on Dean’s.

“The adults are talking,” Dean said.

“Let her talk, chief,” Benny said, patting his friend on the back. “Go ‘head, cher.”

I swallowed. “The side of the cliff: it’s hidden by the tops of the trees. But-” I pointed to the other edge- “if we are careful enough, we could climb across and get to the other landing. I’m guessing the otherside runs parallel to our original path, it’ll just be higher.”

“Smart,” Benny said, giving me a smile. “Real good.”

“How the hell are you going to climb across the side of a damn cliff?” Dean asked, raising a brow. “You can barely hold up your axe.”

I bit my lip. “I’ll manage. And I can, too, hold up my axe. I’m not weak.”

Suddenly I was being shoved onto my back, my hands being pressed into the dirt as Dean held my wrists. He straddled my waist, his face inches from mine.

“Push me off,” he hissed, eyes furiously burning through my skull. I struggled beneath his hold. I was strong, but Dean was stronger, and no matter how much I bucked and pushed and pulled, he wouldn’t budge.

He let go of me for a moment, and I shoved at his chest, quickly being held down again with one hand while his other held a knife to my throat.

“You know, it would be so easy to end you right now,” he growled. My eyes widened in fear. “I wouldn’t have to hear your whiny, sniveling voice anymore and see your pathetically hideous face.”

I couldn’t stop the tears from pooling in my eyes.

“It would put us all out of our misery.”

“That’s enough, Dean,” Benny said, now on his feet.

“The bitch needs to be taught a lesson,” Dean said, pressing harder. I whimpered, fear clutching my heart in its grasp as he smirked darkly at me. “Don’t you… bitch?”

“Get off me, Dean,” I said, bucking beneath him again. He laughed, hand squeezing my wrists tighter. “Stop it.”

In a blink of an eye, he had reared the blade back, bringing it shooting back down until it stabbed into the ground beside my head. I flinched away from it, eyes squeezing shut as he was being pulled off me.

“What the hell is your problem?” Benny asked, pushing Dean against a tree. “What the fuck has she ever done to you?”

“What do you mean? Just look at her,” Dean said.

“Give me a reason, chief,” Benny snarled. “Give me one good reason why you terrorize that poor woman.”

Dean hesitated, his mouth agape as he thought for a moment. I was sitting up, hand on my throat as I watched carefully as he closed his mouth and set his jaw, eyes casting downwards.

“That’s what I thought,” Benny muttered, letting him go. Dean took a deep breath, looking up at me for a moment.

“Fine. We’ll do it your way.” He bent down to pick up his sword, slinging it over his shoulder onto his back before making his way to the cliff side.

Benny helped me to my feet, hands cradling my head as he inspected my neck. There was a small nick from Dean’s blade, but I was relatively unscathed.

“Alright, cher,” Benny began, hands gently resting on my shoulders. “You stick with me, okay? I won’t let Dean touch you again.”

I swallowed thickly, nodding my head as he patted my back. He pulled me in for a quick hug before following after Dean.

***

The next three days had gone by in a blur. We had yet to find Cas, and Dean was getting impatient. It was a constant surge of monsters and a constant physical battle with ourselves as we pushed through the fights, trying to swallow back our bile at the blood and guts that inevitably found itself onto our clothes.

I was washing up in the river, a little way through the trees from a camp we had set up for the night. I had carefully peeled off my bloodstained clothes, washing my body as best I could with the river’s water before attempting to clean my jeans and shirt. I scrubbed at them until the blood was simply an ugly stain, tossing the garments onto a nearby rock to dry. I was midway running water over my hair when suddenly arms were lifting me up, eliciting a squeal from my lips. A hand clamped over my mouth and I was dragged back behind the rocks. I struggled in the arms of my captor, rearing my head back and bashing it into their nose. They grunted, and they let go.

I spun around, fists raised, eyes widening.

“Dean? What the hell?” I asked, covering my stomach. My chest was still covered by my bra, and the water was deep enough to cover the bottom half of me, but I felt naked under Dean’s intense gaze. I glance around, spotting my clothes on the boulder. I grabbed at them, pulling the shirt over my head before my jeans were ripped away from me and thrown to the side. “Hey!”

His lips crashed against mine in a bruising force, hand tangling in my hair as he snaked an arm around my waist, crushing my body against his. My hands flew to his chest and I tried to push him away, confusion and fear coursing through my veins as he wouldn’t let go.

I bit down on his lip, and he reared back with a small yelp, touching where blood began to seep from the bite. I pulled my shirt on as he was distracted and backed away from him, arms curling around my torso.

“What the fuck was that?” He asked, wiping away the blood. I stared at him, mouth dropping.

“What the fuck was that?” I yelled. He raised a brow. “You don’t just come onto a girl like that! Especially after treating her like you treat me!”

“I… huh?”

“Are you seriously playing dumb right now?” I asked, brows drawing together. “You can’t be that fucking idiotic.”

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? For everything. But here’s the thing,” he said, moving closer to me. I moved back until I was pressed against the rock. “We’ve been here for almost a year, right? Neither of us have gotten any within that time. You just looked hot down here in the water, and I see the way you look at me sometimes so I just thought, ‘hey, why not?’”

How long had I dreamed a moment like this would happen? Too many times. More than I’d care to admit. But did I really want to be with Dean for the first time like this? With him hating my guts, simply wanting a quick fuck in Purgatory pf all places? Fuck no.

I scoffed, shaking my head. “You’re shitting me.”

“No.”

I ran a hand through my damp hair. “I… I can’t believe a word that’s coming out of your mouth right now. You think I’m hideous! You’ve said so multiple times, so you’re full of shit! And just so you know, you don’t just jump onto a girl and assume she wants the same thing you do. Besides, who wouldn’t be attracted to you, for fuck’s sake? It doesn’t mean I want to fuck you! God, Dean! You hate me!”

“I don’t hate you…”

“Yes, you do! You’ve bullied me like a damn middle schooler since the moment you met me!”

He sighed, jaw clenching. “Fine. You know what? Forget it.” He moved past me, stopping for a second. “And all have you know, it’s not that I hate you. It’s just that I can’t stand to be around you for more than ten minutes without wanting to put a gun in my mouth. And you’re right, I do think you’re hideous, and my god does your personality make you fucking ugly inside and out. If you don’t want work done on your face, at least work on that. Maybe then you could find someone willing to put up with you.”

He left then, leaving me speechless. I collapsed against the rock, silent sobs racking my body. I hated myself, and Dean thrived on that fact. I had no idea what I had ever done to him, nor did I understand how someone could be so cruel. But there was one thing I did know for sure; Dean Winchester was absolutely hell bent on breaking me.

***

I combed my hair out with my fingers, eyes staring out over the water.

It was nearly a week after my confrontation with Dean, and he had gone back to ignoring me. I was okay with it, not minding the silence after the cruel words. I always relied on my friendship with Benny to get me through, but it seemed as though he was pulling away from me, too.

I sighed, my hands finding themselves on the dirt beneath me. They were filthy, no matter how many times I scrubbed at them with moss and water, the blood and mud wouldn’t rid itself from my skin.

Suddenly, something went soaring through the air in front of my face, a blade lodging itself in the tree beside me. I fell back, flattening myself on the ground as I looked to the side, seeing Dean standing twenty feet from me, a dark smirk on his face, Benny shaking his head behind him.

“What the hell, Dean!” I shouted, scrambling to my feet. “You could’ve killed me!”

“But I didn’t,” he said, walking towards me. He reached past me, eyes locked on mine as he retrieved the knife from the bark. “Don’t be so dramatic.”

“Don’t be so… are you fucking with me?” I asked, watching as he turned around and shrugged off his jacket.

“Just drop it, cher,” Benny said, rolling his eyes. I set my jaw and turned away, swallowing back the anger brewing inside my chest. I folded my arms over each other, biting down on my tongue until I drew blood. “I’m going to scout the area. See if I can’t find a better place to set up camp.”

I inwardly groaned at the thought of being alone with Dean, and watched from the corner of my eye as Benny made his way through the trees, Dean leaning against one to stare at me. He was twirling his blade around in his fingers, his smirk not fading from his face. I shifted uncomfortably.

“So, I’ve been thinking,” Dean began.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” I muttered. He stopped twirling the knife, smirk fading to replace his expression with a stoic, hard one.

“I’ll give you one more chance at this, Y/N,” he said. He walked toward me slowly, and I backed away a bit.

“At what?” I asked, now pressed against a tree. Dean didn’t stop moving until he could press his palm against the tree, leaning into it as he bent down until he was eye level with me.

“I think you know.” His eyes flickered down to my lips, his tongue running out to wet his own. I shivered as he lowered his face to the side of my head, nose pressing into my hair to take a deep breath in.

“Dean, please, I don’t-”

“You know, I bet you’re still a virgin,” he interrupted, ignoring my words. I tried pushing against his chest but he took my hands in his, bringing them behind my back and crushing me further into the tree. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with anyone. Although, I’m not surprised.”

“Dean, stop it,” I said harshly, but once again my words went unheard, and he nipped my collarbone.

“Fuck, a virgin pussy sounds so good right now.”

“I said stop, Dean!” I cried, pushing harder against him. He retaliated, quickly holding both of my hands in one of his in order to press against my throat with the other.

“I don’t give a fuck about what you said,” he hissed. “The only reason you’re alive is because of me. Face it, you wouldn’t have made it on your own, and the only reason that I haven’t killed you myself yet is because Sam would kill me when we get back.” He crushed his lips to mine, all teeth and rough pressure as he shoved his tongue into my mouth. He rolled his hips against me, and my stomach churned. “I haven’t had any in a long time, Y/N. I need to let off some steam, and you owe me.” He pulled back to look into my teary eyes. “Answer me this… are you a virgin?”

I clenched my jaw. “Let go of me.”

He growled and slapped me, a yelp escaping my lips as he gripped my chin, bashing my head back against the bark. “I will find out one way or another, I’m just curious.”

I swallowed, teeth sinking into my tongue. I’ve had two boyfriends in the past, if I could even call them that. I had only gone on a few dates with both of them, but never went further than second base. I was twenty-four and never worried about still being a virgin.

Until now.

I didn’t want my first time being like this; raped in purgatory by the man who hates me, and who I was utterly afraid of; raped by a man I had unwillingly fallen in love with.

I gave a short nod, and he smiled darkly. “Not surprising, but definitely exciting.”

“Dean, please don’t do this,” I said, struggling against his hold. “Please.”

“Benny will be back soon, so we need to make this quick,” he said. And suddenly, his hand was off my throat and on the button of my jeans.

“No!” I snarled, trying to kick at him, but he wedged his knee between my legs, and I was completely trapped.

His hand was inside my pants and down the front of my panties without hesitation, and I cringed at the thought of the dirt and blood that coated both of our skin. His fingers ran through my folds, thumb finding my clit quickly. I squeezed my eyes shut as nausea washed over me, and my body went rigid at the alien feeling of someone else’s hands down there. A tear trickled down my cheek, and Dean bent forward to lick it up.

“Come on, baby,” he cooed mockingly. “Just go with it. There’s nothing you can do to stop it anyway.”

I reared back as far as I could to spit in his face. He flinched back in surprise, his face morphing from cocky and dark to menacing, and I was thrown to the ground roughly within a second, Dean quickly hovering over me and holding me down before I could move away.

“I was trying to make this better for you, I truly was,” he said, beginning to undo his belt. I shuddered and squirmed beneath him. “But now, you’ve just pissed me off. So I don’t give a fuck if you’re ready or not.”

He shoved his jeans down far enough to free his cock from his boxers, moving back to tear at my own jeans and panties and drag them down my legs. I flipped around and began crawling away, but he gripped my ankle and turned me around onto my back.

“I want to see you,” he grunted, hands spreading my legs enough for him to fit between them. I looked down at his prick, eyes widening as I saw the size of him, and he laughed. “You’re in for it now, sweetheart.”

He stroked himself a few times before lining up with my entrance. I didn’t stop struggling, hands trying to claw at his face, my eyes blurring from my tears. He gripped both of my wrists in one of his hands while the other held himself until the tip was resting against me, and then he moved his hand to grip my waist harshly.

He forced himself inside me in one painful thrust, and a scream of pain was ripped from my throat. Dean smirked, relishing in the fact he had just torn through my virginity with such cruelty and violence. He groaned as he began to move. My hands slumped against him, knowing it was no use. He was much stronger than me, and he had already gotten what he wanted.

“I knew you’d like this,” he hissed in my ear, pulling out just to snap back in. “A bitch born to take a cock. My cock.”

The last shred of my innocence was taken within a second, and each time he shoved himself inside me, it took everything in me not to burst into tears. I turned my face away from him, eyes squeezed as tight as I could in order to try and disassociate myself, praying that this was simply but a dream.

But as he hiked up my leg around his waist to angle himself deeper inside me, I knew it wasn’t a dream, but a nightmare, one born to tear down my walls and shatter the last of my will. I knew Dean Winchester was intent on breaking me, but I didn’t know he’d take it to such extremes.

“Shit,” he cursed, plunging himself deeper and deeper with each thrust until he couldn’t go any further. I bit my lip to keep in my cries of pain, nails sinking into the palms of my hand.

His hips began to stutter, his movements choppy and I knew he was close. I dug my nails in deeper until I felt blood trickle from my fingers. His hand gripped my jaw, turning my head.

“Look at me,” he growled, holding himself to the hilt inside me until I complied. He smirked at the tears that trickled from my eyes, and slammed himself home once, twice, three more times before he came. He held his hips flush to my pelvis, eyes still locked with mine as he spilled himself inside me.

He gave a few more lazy humps, making sure he didn’t waste a single drop of his come before slipping out, sitting back on his haunches and taking a deep breath. “Wow.”

I sniffled, scooting as far away as possible as I pulled up my panties and jeans with shaky hands, trying to hold back the sobs and failing. I brought my hand up to my mouth, biting my sleeve to stifle the cries threatening to echo off the trees, and brought my knees up to my chest.

“Shit, sweetheart,” Dean said smiling. He laughed, shaking his head. “You felt better than I thought.” He sighed, standing up then and looked down at me. “Benny will be back soon. So pull yourself together before then. Say one word to him about this, I’ll kill you.”

I nodded in understanding, and he grunted.

He grabbed his axe and turned away, trudging off into the woods for his usual search for firewood.

In the five minutes he was gone, I took the time to pack up the few belongings I had, and without turning back, I ran for the hills.

Two Years Later

The nightmares never faded.

They had become less frequent, yet every few days or so, I’d run from the images inside my own head, battling demons within me instead of on the battlefield. Being scared of someone or something is one thing, but being scared of your own mind, your own dreams, was an entirely different thing, and it took strength to lay down and risk the possibility of reliving old trauma.

Yet, it was inevitable, after everything that had happened. Therapy helped, so did the anti-depressants and anxiety pills I took each night. But the truth of the matter was, the memories of Purgatory were always there, and the guilt and shame never faded, it simply turned into a dull ache that never truly went away.

Running from Dean, I was sore and bleeding, and all I cared about was keeping as much distance between him and I as possible. I listened to the whispers of the monsters, making sure I was never too close.

Dean got out before I did, just two months after I ran, and it was only a few days later that I found the portal. I didn’t even try to contact Sam, because where Sam went, Dean went.

Instead, I changed my name and set up a life for myself in a small town up in the mountains of West Virginia. I got a job at a police station as a victim advocate, got an apartment, and never once looked back.

Quitting hunting wasn’t easy, and every once in a while I’d take a case close to home. But I typically stayed within the state, not wanting to risk running into the brothers on a hunt.

Over those two years, I slowly began to rebuild my walls. However, in a split second, it all came crumbling down again.

It was a Monday afternoon in October. A cool front had washed over the Virginias and Maryland, finally carrying a crisp, sweet wind to cool our skin from the sweltering heat of the summer.

I was walking back to the station from lunch, having ran to a sandwich shop a block away. I was chewing on my lip and thinking about a particular case when I saw it; the sleek black coat of the Impala.

I felt my stomach drop, and I felt like I would be sick. Surely it couldn’t be the brothers. Other people had this particular car, too. But my fears were confirmed when the door to the station opened, and Sam walked out into the wind, leaves scattering around his feet, Dean right behind him.

I was frozen with fear. All the progress I had made had diminished in a second. I wanted to turn and run the other way. I wanted to duck into the alley and wait until they were gone. But I couldn’t move. My limbs were suddenly planted and my body lost the ability to move as the man who had made my life hell for years and haunted my dreams stepped into the sun.

Sam looked around as Dean led the way to the Impala. There was nothing I could do as his eyes landed on me, the surprised look on his face making me wince, the fearful one on mine catching him off guard.

“Y/N?” He asked. I saw Dean stiffen at the sound of my name, and I suddenly regained the ability to move. I spun on my heel and rushed into the alley, hoping to make it around to the back of the station and slip inside unseen. But Sam’s long legs made it so he was faster than me, and no amount of sprinting could keep me far enough away. He stepped in front of me, and my eyes widened. “Y/N… I… You’re alive.”

I swallowed thickly, looking over my shoulder. I tensed as I saw Dean at the end of the alley, his face hard and jaw clenched as he met my eyes. I looked back at Sam, shaking my head and stepping around him.

“I have to get back to work,” I said, trying to push past him.

“Wait!” He said, gripping my arm. I flinched, and he let go immediately.

“Sam,” I said, looking up at him. He tilted his head in confusion at the look of defeat on my face. “Please.”

“I don’t understand,” he muttered. “Dean said you were dead. That you died when you were in Purgatory.”

“A part of me did,” I admitted. Sam’s face darkened at my words, and I looked away. “And if you love me, you’d stay away from me. For good.”

“I thought I lost my best friend, Y/N,” Sam said. “I can’t just let you go now, knowing you’re alive.”

“Sam, please,” I begged. “Please.”

“Why?” He demanded.

“Just let her be, Sam.”

My breath hitched in my throat, and I looked back over towards Sam. Dean had caught up to us and was standing beside his brother now, a dark look on his face. His stare was icy, and it sent shivers down my spine. I shivered when he licked his lips, eyes raking up and down my body and suddenly I was back in Purgatory, his predatory gaze sending me reeling to a time of pain and misery.

“Y/N!”

I jumped, realizing Sam had been trying to get my attention for some time now. I looked up at him, worrying my lip, tears filling my eyes. “Sam, I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what? Why did Dean lie? What the hell happened in Purgatory?” He asked.

“Dean didn’t…” I trailed off, rolling my eyes with a scoff. “No, I guess he wouldn’t tell you what happened.”

“Y/N,” Dean warned, stare turning deadly.

“Shut up, Dean,” Sam snapped. “Y/N, you can tell me anything.”

“No, I can’t,” I said, shaking my head. “Your brother will kill me.”

“No, he won’t. I won’t let him,” Sam said. “Now please, I miss my best friend. Let me help you.”

“You can’t help me,” I said. “Not anymore. Purgatory was shitty in itself, but Dean…”

I was suddenly pushed up against the brick wall, a yelp escaping me as Dean’s hand wrapped around my throat, his body pressed against mine. I shivered in fear, visibly shaking as his lips curled into a snarl.

“Dean!” Sam exclaimed, trying to pry his brother off me.

“What did I tell you would happen if you told anyone?” Dean hissed. I beat at his hands, trying to kick out at him.

“Dean…”

“I’ll kill ‘ya,” he said. “I’ll do it right now. Don’t. Say. A. Word.”

Tears trickled down my cheeks, and Sam was able to tear Dean off me, pushing him up against the opposite wall.

“What the fuck?” He yelled. He pushed off his brother, turning towards me, placing his hands gently on my shoulders. His voice softened then. “Are you okay?”

“I really need to… to get back to work,” I whispered. I was still shaking, and Sam’s fingers tightened slightly, almost as if he was trying to steady me.

“Can I come see you after work? I’ll meet you here and walk you home?”

I glanced over Sam’s shoulder towards Dean. His jaw was set, and he gave a shake of his head.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” I murmured. I watched a smirk grow on Dean’s face, and I shivered.

“I’m sorry. But I don’t care. I’ll meet you here, okay? At five?”

I nodded.

“Okay. See you then.” He turned slightly. “He won’t be coming, don’t worry.”

The brothers stared at each other intently, and I scurried off as quick as I could, clutching the brown bag in my hand to my chest, not trusting my hands not to shake.

It was my luck that they would end up here, out of all the towns and all the cases in the continental U.S., they had to end up here. There was one thing I was sure about; I wouldn’t be meeting Sam, nor would I be going back to work. I forgot all about my few belongings in the office, beelining to my car, readying myself to pack and be out of town by tonight.

***

I didn’t have much in terms of belongings. It didn’t take long to pack, and I had no set destination. If I had a set destination, I could be found.

I was taping up the few boxes I had, picking up a few odds and ends, figuring I would leave the furniture and have the building owner sell it. Just as I was finishing, three sound knocks were rapped on my door.

I froze.

I wasn’t expecting anyone, and I hadn’t made any friends since moving to town. No one would be coming here unannounced. No one except the Winchesters. They had their ways of finding where I lived. Sam probably asked around the station.

“Fucking Sam,” I muttered to myself. I pushed myself up off the floor, stalking to my front door. “So not cool.”

I unlocked the door, keeping the deadbolt in, before opening it.

My heart jumped to my throat.

“Dean?” I asked. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“You didn’t show up to your meet-up with Sammy,” he said. He glanced around my door, stuffing his hands in his pockets, nodding. “Simple and plain. It suits you.”

“Go away, Dean,” I said. “I have cop friends and I’m not afraid to call them. Just go.”

Dean laughed. “Please. We both know you’re not friends with any of them. Besides, what would you tell them? You know what will happen if you say anything.”

“Fuck off, Dean,” I hissed. I went to close the door, but Dean was quick to stick his foot out, wedging it between the door and the frame.

“Nuh uh uh,” he tsked. “Won’t you invite me in, little pig?”

I swallowed. “No.”

“Oh, but why?” He asked, smirking. “You scared?”

I lifted my chin, standing up straighter. “No.”

He chuckled darkly, bending slightly to meet my eye level. “I think we both know that’s a lie, little pig.”

“Get the fuck away from me, Dean,” I hissed. I kicked at his foot sharply, unwedging it, promptly slamming my door shut in the process, turning the lock. I backed away from the door, feeling under the small table near the front door for my gun.

I screamed as my door was kicked in, wood splintering off the frame. Dean laughed, stepping past the threshold, kicking the door closed behind him. It didn’t quite close all the way, but enough so Dean could slip the chain into its lock.

“Here’s Johnny,” he teased, smiling. My eyes widened, and I gripped the gun, ripping it from its confinement, lifting my arm to shoot. Dean moved quickly, knocking the gun from my hand, pushing me back against the wall. He thrusted forward, crashing his lips to mine in a sloppy kiss.

“Miss me?”

“Get away from me!” I screeched. “Help! Somebody please help me!”

I sobbed as he fisted his hand in my hair, bashing my head back against the wall.

“You fucking bitch,” he hissed. “Almost telling Sammy about our little roll around. What did I tell you, hmm? Have you told anyone else?”

My eyes were blurred from the tears. Somehow my nightmares were coming true. Somehow hell had shown up at my front door, rearing its ugly head and laughing as fear twisted my insides and made my head spin. What had I done to deserve this?

“No,” I said. “I haven’t told anyone. I won’t tell anyone. Please just leave me alone.”

He ran a hand down my face, thumb smearing my tears across my skin. “Oh, but I can’t do that. You disobeyed me. You made Sam skeptical. You must be punished.”

“No,” I cried. “Please, Dean. Please don’t do this.”

He gripped my hair tighter, jerking me down the hall, my fists beating against him the whole time, fighting, kicking, screaming. He simply bent down, picking me up, and carried me into my room. He threw me onto my bed, hands gripping my thighs as he flipped me over onto my stomach.

“Now, bad girls must be punished,” he said. He reached underneath me, fingers unbuttoning my jeans. I kicked back at him, my heel meeting the fleshy part of his thigh. He grunted, and I clawed away from him, but he simply pulled me back down. “Well, that just made things so much worse for you.”

He yanked my jeans down, throwing them somewhere in the room, hands tearing at my simple cotton panties. Tears blurred my vision, and I desperately tried to crawl away. I fisted my hands on the mattress, trying to somehow escape from his hold.

I cried out as his palm collided with my ass.

“Tell me, have you been with anyone else since me?” He asked. I sobbed, screeching behind clenched teeth as he hit me again. “Answer me, bitch.”

“No,” I said. He laughed. I hadn’t heard him take off his belt, but I heard the snap as he pulled it taut. “No, no, no.”

“Oh, yes,” he laughed. He brought the belt down, letting it smack against my bare skin. The sting radiated through my back. Dean was strong, and each time his arm was brought down, the belt would send another striking shot of fire through my body. I was frozen with pain and fear. Dean didn’t have to hold me down after a while. I couldn’t move. “This is for your own good, Y/n.”

I didn’t know how long he struck me. Over, and over, and over he striked, and I lost count after twenty. My hands were clenched in the mattress cover, tears soaking the fabric beneath me, clouding my vision.

I finally heard him throw the belt aside, and his hands curled around my hips, lifting my bottom into the air gently. He softly caressed my skin, and I jumped when I felt his lips touch the welts.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. He rubbed my lower back slowly. “I’m so sorry.”

I sunk my teeth into my lower lip. I froze, not sure what I was supposed to do. I knew moving was out of the question. I was in too much pain to move. Confusion sunk into my bones as he slowly kissed up my back, until he was hovering over me.

He turned me slowly, gently placing me on my back, eyes looking down at me. He tilted his head, thumb wiping away my tears. “Hey, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.”

“Don’t cry?” I whispered. “How do you expect me to be okay with all of this, Dean? You broke me in Purgatory. You’ve haunted my dreams for the past two years. Then you do this? Just kill me and get it over with. Please.”

He shook his head, furrowing his brows. “I’m not here to kill you. I actually, believe it or not, came to apologize. But as soon as you opened the door I just… I don’t know what came over me.”

“Like I believe that,” I hissed. “Just get the fuck out.”

His jaw ticked, and suddenly his resolve faded. For a second I saw remorse, and now? Fire raged behind his leaf green eyes. I felt his whole body tense against me. I felt him… grow… beneath me.

“Fuck no,” I said. A rush of adrenaline coursed through me. I rolled away from him, landing on my back on the wood floor. I cried out as my raw skin made impact, but I pushed myself up quickly. Dean was up now, his eyes hard and piercing.

“Come here, little pig,” he snarled. I spun and dashed towards the bathroom. He leaped over the bed after me, but I was already inside, locking the door quickly. I heard shuffling, and I knew I needed to think fast. I spotted the window and yanked my robe off the hook, slipping it on. I stepped onto the toilet, pushed the window open, and peered down the three flights my apartment was up. I swallowed thickly, glancing back at the bathroom door. The doorknob was jiggling, and I knew he was picking the lock. Mustering up the courage, I hoisted myself up and swung my legs over. The door suddenly burst open, our eyes locking.

“Don’t you dare,” he said. I took a deep breath and looked down again. Just as he lunged forward, I let go, feeling the rush of air and my heart plummet to my stomach. My eyes were wide as I watched the ground rush up on me all too quickly. I tried ducking my shoulder to attempt to roll, hopefully saving my legs and head in the process, but I couldn’t quite get there. I felt something snap as I hit the ground, a sickening crunch sounding in my ears as I landed on my side.

“Y/n!”

That voice was different. That voice was angelic... kind. Sam.

“Oh my god,” he said. He bent down, hands cradling my face as he looked into my eyes. “Hey, stay with me. Are you alright? Jesus- of course you’re not alright, you jumped from a fucking window to get away from my brother. God, Y/n I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“Why does he hate me so?” I whimpered before everything went dark.

***

“Should she be asleep this long?”

“Her body is healing. It’s up to her now.”

***

“Get the fuck out.”

“Sam… I don’t know what happened.”

“Don’t you dare say that. Don’t come up with these-these lame ass excuses. I saw what you did, and I have an idea about purgatory. Now, for the last time, get the fuck out.”

***

“She will stay with me.”

��And you are?”

“Her brother.”

***

I jolted awake. My body was on fire, my head pounding with a dull ache. I opened my eyes slowly, adjusting to the bright light above my head. A beeping sound came from my right, and a quick glance showed an EKG meter. A fucking hospital.

My shoulder was bandaged and arm in a sling. My knee had a brace on it. My behind felt raw as shit.

“Fuck,” I muttered as I tried to sit up.

“Y/n! Thank God.”

I jumped at the sound of a voice.

“Sam.”

“God, Y/n… I’m so sorry. So, so, so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” I told him.

“No, but I should have known. I should have done something. God, I can’t believe it.”

I sighed, fiddling with a loose thread on the scratchy blanket that was laid over me. I furrowed my brows.

“Sam… did Dean tell you what happened in purgatory?”

Sam swallowed thickly. “No. But I can guess.”

I nodded slowly. “He told me he’d kill me if I ever told anyone.”

“Have you?” Sam asked.

“My therapist,” I replied.

“A therapist?”

“Yeah. I needed one,” I said. “I was… broken when I got out. I was getting so much better, Sam. I felt like me again. Sure, I still had the nightmares sometimes but… I wasn’t always looking over my shoulder.” My lip wobbled as I fought back tears. “Damn him.”

“God, Y/n/n. I can’t believe it. It just seems so… not Dean,” he said. “I’m so sorry.”

“Sam, I know you mean well, but please stop saying sorry,” I said. He smiled and blushed.

“Sorry.” He cringed. I laughed.

“Stop it,” I told him, pushing his shoulder lightly. He laughed too, grabbing my hand. He kissed my knuckles.

“I’ve missed you,” he said.

“I’ve missed you, too,” I told him. “But I knew that where you went, Dean went.”

“I understand,” he said.

“Oh good, you’re awake!”

Sam and I both looked at the door, a plump woman in a white lab coat standing in the doorway. Her dark hair was piled high on her head, glasses pristinely balanced on her nose, lips lined with deep red lipstick. She looked like a T.V. doctor, not a doctor in middle-of-nowhere West Virginia.

“How are you feeling?” She asked. She checked my vitals and IV bag.

“Sore,” I replied.

“Your brother here has offered to take you home,” she said. I looked pointedly at Sam who shrugged sheepishly. “Look here.”

She shined a light into my eyes, checked my bandages, and determined that I could go home as long as I was supervised for 48 hours. I silently wondered where Dean was, hoping I wasn’t going to see him. If Sam was taking me home, who knows what would happen? Dean knew where I lived. But if Sam was there, perhaps he wouldn’t be stupid enough to try anything.

***

“Are you alright?”

Sam gently placed me onto the motel bed, careful not to hurt me. His brows were furrowed in worry and his lips were pursed into a frown. I let out a shaky laugh.

“No,” I said. “But I’ll get there.”

“Y/n, I’m so-”

“Stop it!” I scolded. “What did I say?”

“Not to apologize anymore?” He said slowly.

“That’s correct,” I said. I laid back onto the pillows, which were worn, but on my sore shoulder and back, they honestly didn’t feel too bad. “Now, mama needs to rest.”

Sam snorted. “Okay… mama.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Don’t mock me, Samuel.” He raised his hands in defense.

“Okay, okay. Sorry, mama,” he said. “I’ll call Cas. He can heal you.”

I perked up at Castiel’s name. The gentle angel and I had been good friends. I heard whispers about him too, while in purgatory that is. I shivered at the thought of that place and…

No. I wouldn’t think about that now. I was safe with Sam. Surely Dean couldn’t find us here. Right? Sam would have taken measures to keep him from doing so.

“Hey, Cas. It’s Sam. Listen…”

Sam’s voice trailed off as he stepped outside the room, closing the door softly behind him. Suddenly, the room turned eerie. The air conditioner hummed loudly under the window, producing some sound in the empty room. It was confining. I shifted on the bed, wincing as my shoulder moved in an odd way. I adjusted my sling to a more comfortable position. I hated these things.

I sighed deeply, glancing towards the door again. I blew a piece of hair out of my eyes. Alone. It wasn’t an odd sensation to me. I had been alone for the last two years. But I had slipped so easily back into the comfortable familiarity that was once me and Sam. I had missed him so much. He was my best friend, my confidant. Being around him again was liberating. It lifted a weight off my shoulders.

Telling someone what had happened in purgatory, besides a therapist, lifted a weight off my shoulders.

Of course, Dean would kill me if he knew. But it felt good to get it out, not have it bottled up. Dr. Ramirez was great, of course. But she wasn’t Sam. Wasn’t a friend.

However, now that the room was empty apart from me, the only sounds of the air unit and the springs of the old bed creaking, I was left alone with my thoughts. Vivid images of Dean flashed before my eyes. Of purgatory, across the street at work, the alley, my apartment. Damn him. Damn him for abusing me so. Damn him for not caring. Damn him for giving me a false sense of hope when he spared a silver of remorse. And damn me for loving him.

Did I still? No, I didn’t think so. Not the Dean who hates me. Who hurt me and raped me and tormented me. Not that Dean. Perhaps the Dean who loved his little brother beyond comprehension. The Dean who would throw himself in the line of fire for a stranger. The Dean who sacrificed everything for the world, the world that was so cruel to him.

Fuck. Of course I still loved that Dean. It was like two separate fucking people. A Dean who would light up at the sight of pie and tell you everything about a band he liked simply because he wanted to share something he loved with you. A Dean who was so selfless, you would need to make sure he wouldn’t go off and get himself killed for absolutely no reason but to save a fucking dog. He would have one look on his face, and then turn to me. That look would turn cold. Those eyes, those beautiful eyes, would turn to ice in a split second. That voice that dripped of rum and sticky honey tore through my heart like daggers in ice. How could someone be so cruel?

A sob escaped my lips. I was so tired of crying. I hated crying. I wiped my nose with the back of my hand from my good arm. I didn’t want to cry anymore. I didn’t want to think anymore.

Luckily, Sam opened the door then. It made me jump slightly. Castiel was behind him. I grinned.

“Cas.”

“Y/n,” he said warmly. He walked over to the bedside. He rested a hand on my good shoulder. Cas wasn’t one for touchy-feely shit. But with me, he was always more comfortable with it.

“I’m going to heal you,” he said matter-of-factly. I gave him a nod, a light shining from his hand. A warmth filled me, starting from my head and reaching to the tips of my toes, and suddenly I felt better. I gave him a grin, which faltered at the look on his face.

“Cas?” I asked. “What is it?”

He gave a small shake of his head. “It’s… it’s a curse.”

“What is?” Sam questioned. He stood up from his seat at the small table by the window. I glanced at him.

“You have had a curse placed on you. An old one. I’ve seen it before, though. In heaven,” Castiel said. “I’m not sure why I hadn’t seen it before now. Perhaps since I hadn’t had to heal you before.”

“A curse in heaven?” I asked.

“It was designed by the archangels. It was to keep soulmates apart.”

“What?” Sam said. “Soulmates? Surely you’re joking.”

“No, I’m not joking,” Cas said. “And don’t call me Shirley.”

Sam furrowed his brows at that. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing.

“Okay, so a curse. What kind of curse?” I asked. “Who’s my soulmate?”

“The curse is complicated. It can only be placed on one soulmate, and the cursed mate would need to be an interference with a plan from heaven or God himself. ”

“What sort of interference?” Sam asked. Cas hummed.

“Y/n must have stood in the way of her soulmate’s destiny. Her path must cross with them, meaning that she would have altered the path chosen for her mate by heaven. The curse makes it so one of the soulmates hates the other for no particular reason. They can be downright evil towards them. Y/n’s soulmate, if she ever comes across them, may even want to kill her. The curse causes one of the soulmates to do terrible things to the other. They can act one way, and their soulmate walks into the room, suddenly they are filled with an unexplainable rage. There are times where the soulmate can feel remorse or even come to love the one who was cursed. However, the second they lie eyes on the cursed soulmate, their hatred returns.”

Holy fuck.

“If you don’t mind, Y/n,” Cas continued. “Would you mind letting me touch your soul? It should tell me who your soulmate is. I know every path for every human soul. I should be able to see.”

“I… I think I may know who it is,” I said softly. Suddenly my blood ran cold. It felt as if the temperature in the room dropped twenty degrees in a single second. Soulmate may want to kill me. They will hate me. Do terrible things to me. They are suddenly remorseful, but once again turn evil once they lie eyes on me. Fucking hell.

“Who?” Castiel asked. I looked to Sam, who was staring at the ground. I saw it dawn on him, saw the realization flash across his face. His head snapped up to mine.

“Dean.”

***

“Are you fucking joking?”

I flinched at his words. Dean stared- no, glared- at me from his chair. He was chained to a chair in the dungeon. “Precaution” Sam had said. Dean wasn’t too happy with it. I sat in a chair about six feet from him, right outside the devil’s trap. His lip curled into a snarl.

“I’ll fucking kill myself if this bitch is my so called soulmate.”

“I’ve already touched her soul, Dean,” Castiel said. “Just to be sure.”

“Okay? And?” Dean prompted.

“Not only is she cursed, but she’s your soulmate.”

“Fucking hell,” he groaned.

“The archangels placed the curse on her at birth. When they found out she was to be your soulmate, they cursed her in order to keep her from interfering with their plan to have you as Michael’s vessel. If she wasn’t cursed, they foresaw the two of you already together; married and two children.”

My heart ached. I could have had that? Instead, my soulmate had abused, raped, and threatened to kill me on multiple occasions. Great.

“Gag,” Dean said. He spit at the ground towards me. “You told them. You know what would happen if you did. You’re fucking dead.”

“Sam,” I said quietly. I looked up at him. He gently placed a hand at the back of my head in a comforting gesture.

“It’s alright,” he said.

“Now, there is a way to remove the curse. It is painful, and tedious, but it may allow you two to venture forth into a soulmate’s relationship.”

“Fuck that.”

“I can’t.”

Although said at the same time, all eyes turned to me.

“What do you mean you can’t?” Cas asked. Sam sighed.

“Cas, not now.”

“I mean I can’t be with someone who-who was so cruel to me. You don’t know the specifics of purgatory,” I muttered. I squeezed my eyes shut at the thought. My lip threatened to wobble. I sunk my teeth into it. “When this is done, I don’t know if I can be here anymore.”

“Y/n,” Sam said. “When this curse is lifted, the Dean who did those things to you will not exist.”

“It’s true,” Cas said. “The curse alters your soulmate in a way that they’re unrecognizable. It turns their personality completely sour, turning them into a new person. The Dean that will be shown to you when this is over will be the real Dean, the Dean you saw when you weren’t near him. When you’re cursed, it’s like he’s possessed by an alien body.”

“But it’s still his face. His hands. His… everything.” I shuddered.

“That was fun, wasn’t sweetheart?” Dean said. “I still remember how you felt. Tight virgin… Mmmm. Once I’m free of these chains, I may take you again. Maybe I’ll claim your ass this time.

“Enough, Dean!” Sam barked loudly. “Cas.”

“You ready, Y/n?” Castiel asked. I looked up at him, to Dean, and back again.

“Yeah, just one thing first-” I looked at Dean, right in the eye- “Go to hell you son of a bitch.”

Then Castiel’s hands were on the sides of my head, a blinding pain searing behind my eyes, and all I saw was black.

***

“Sam, how am I supposed to live with it?”

“You just do. It wasn’t you. It was the fucking archangels. They did this to her. Not you.”

“It was still… me. I just couldn’t stop it. God, I can’t believe I…”

“Hey. Stop it. I mean it, okay? You beating yourself up with it will not help you in the end. When she wakes up, she’s going to need us. Okay? She’s going to have to re-learn trust and-and love and learn to trust you.”

“If she wants to leave, we need to let her leave. I don’t blame her if she hates me. You heard what she said, Sam. She said she can’t. And I get it. I understand. I don’t want to put her through anymore pain, okay? She needs to live without fear and without pain and suffering. She’s a good, beautiful person inside and out. She didn’t deserve anything I did to her.”

“It wasn’t you!”

“It was, dammit! It was my hands, my body, my fucking words. God, Sam. We may have been cursed, but it was still me. Okay?”

“You heard Cas. It’s like you were possessed. It wasn’t you. Fucking get it through your thick skull.”

“Tell that to her then. If she believes it, I will. This is about her. Not me.”

I could register their conversation. Feel the dull ache in my head. Smell the faint smell of the lavender incense I used to like to burn. The issue was getting my eyes to open.

With heavy lids, I opened my eyes slowly, struggling to keep them open. The brothers stopped talking and I could feel them staring at me. I groaned as I sat up, rubbing at my temple.

“Hey, sleeping beauty,” Sam said slowly. “You feeling okay?”

“If you consider feeling like you’ve been hit by a train ‘okay,’” I said. “Fuck.”

I looked up at them both, Sam’s eyes warm and lips curled into a sympathetic smile. I forced myself to look at Dean. His eyes were focused intently on his hands, but I could see his jaw clenched and chest moving quickly as he took rapid breaths. His leg bounced repeatedly. He was nervous?.

He looked up at me finally, taking a deep breath, holding it a moment, before letting it back out. “Hi.”

“Hi,” I replied lowly.

“Should I leave you two alone?” Sam asked.

“No,” I said quickly. Dean winced, but I ignored it. Like hell I would be left alone with him. “Cas did it? The curse is gone?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, yeah it’s gone. Dean um… Dean’s fixed, I guess you could say.”

“Is he?” I asked bitterly.

“Y/n,” he said hesitantly. “I don’t have words. I can’t express how sorry I am.” I looked down at my hands. “There aren’t words to describe the guilt I have. I don’t know what to say or do. I’m just so, so sorry.”

I took a deep breath before responding. “At least I know why I loved you for so long.”

That clearly was not what he was expecting to hear. “W-what?”

“Before purgatory, when things didn’t… escalate… I loved you. I loved the you that wasn’t around me. I thought I was fucked up, loving someone who was so cruel to me. But now I know I couldn’t help it. You’re my soulmate. What are the fucking odds?”

His lip quirked slightly. “I… I loved you too. The me that wasn’t around you. It honestly was like two different… me’s essentially. I loved you, and every time I wasn’t around you, I told myself to apologize and fucking fix myself. But then I’d see you and… this anger just consumed me. I couldn’t understand why. And then in purgatory, being around you 24/7, it’s like everything was heightened. I just wanted to make you hurt.”

I flinched and his face softened.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Y/n.”

“No, I want to hear this. I want to understand what you were feeling,” I said. “Maybe it will help me… differentiate you from, you know… cursed you.”

He nodded before continuing. “Like I said, being around you constantly made everything worse. It was like the anger and hatred all heightened. So the night that I… hurt you… I wanted to cause you such profound pain. But I didn’t want to kill you. I think deep down, even cursed, I couldn’t bring myself to kill you. Although the curse hated you, I loved you. You were always so gentle and kind. You’re easily one of the smartest people I know. You’re beautiful and funny and innocent. I fell in love with you, and the curse despised that. It wanted to hurt you. And it did. And for that, I can not apologize enough. What I did… it’s unimaginable. I am so sorry, Y/n.”

We simply sat looking at each other for a moment. Sam sat uncomfortably beside Dean. He glanced between the two of us.

“You’re stressing me out, Sam,” I said finally.

“Sorry,” he muttered, looking anywhere but Dean and me.

I cleared my throat and fiddled with the edge of the blanket laid over me. “I… I don’t know what to say, Dean. I really don’t.”

“Don’t say anything, then,” he murmured.

“I want to forgive and forget. Lord do I want to forget. But this isn’t something you can overcome so easily,” I said. “I was so close to being fixed. I was so much better, but you showing up at my apartment and beating the shit out of me like that… it tore down the foundation I had built back up.”

“I had come to apologize,” he said. “And then I saw you and it all went away.”

“I know,” I told him. “It confused the fuck out of me, your fucking mood swing.”

He whistled. “No shit. It confused me.”

We sat in silence for another moment. I wasn’t scared per se, just uncomfortable. If he was “fixed,” I had nothing to fear. I knew I had nothing to fear from Dean now. However, I would never forget the malice and callousness he showed me for years. That night in purgatory was forever seared into my brain. That trauma and heartache and pain would live with me forever. It didn’t matter if he was fixed or cured or whatever the fuck you want to call it. It still happened. It was still at his hands. That’s not something to simply get over.

“I’m not asking for your forgiveness,” he said softly. “If someday you somehow find it in your heart to forgive me, then that’s your business. I don’t deserve it and I’m not expecting it. But maybe, if you’ll let us try, to start over, someday we could become friends.”

I swallowed thickly. “I don’t know, Dean.”

I watched his face flash with an emotion I couldn’t quite explain, before masking his emotions. “I understand.”

“Maybe,” I told him. “Don’t bank on it.”

Dean gave me a small smile. “I’m in your hands, Y/n. I’ll be here if you want. And if not, then I respect that.”

I yawned then and Sam stood slowly. “Let’s give her some rest, Dean. She’s had a long week.”

Dean nodded at his brother and gave one last look at me.

“I really am sorry, Y/n. I’ll live with this guilt until the day I die. I hope… I hope you find the happiness and peace you deserve.” He gave me a tight lipped smile and closed the door behind him, evidently taking all weight in the room with him. I let out a deep breath that I had been holding and rubbed at my temples. I laid back onto the pillows, letting my eyes trace designs on the ceiling in the dark of the room.

Sleep found me not long after, and no matter what knowledge I had now, or the safety that was Sam across the hall, I had no control of the nightmares that plagued my dreams and danced behind my eyes. Dean Winchester may have been cured. He may be himself around me now. However, what he did will forever live with me, and no angel cure or spell undoing will ever change that.

And so, I walked through the valley of darkness that were my dreams, and I battled the demons caused by the man who stayed down the hall from me. Yet I slept, knowing that what tormented me behind closed eyes was no longer alive, and the man who had broken through the chains around my heart all those years ago was back and in the foreground. Though I wasn’t sure what my feelings were towards him now, knowing that what he did to me was the result of an archangel curse, I did know that perhaps someday, once we tread through the tumultuous ground that was fear and contradiction, we may learn to live in peace with one another, even if he had loved me and hated me; even if I had loved him and hated him. Yet the most important thing, the thing that allowed me to rest, if not soundly, but at all, was the fact that he no longer wanted me dead, nor did he want my blood on his hands.

So though nothing was back to normal, and I didn’t plan on being around Dean anytime soon, perhaps I wouldn’t have to look over my shoulder anymore. Maybe I could finally find the solace and peace that I deserved. I think the world at least owes me that.

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ovichbenji · 4 years

Text

deans main relationships as pivotal times in his life

lee was his first (male) love, sneaking around john and trying to keep it on the down low, so there's lots of fear and anxiety tied to the relationship, but they really cared for each other. he had a special place in deans heart, and dean always loved him, which was why killing him hurt so much.

cassie is a dream that might have been real if she was a hunter as well. i think in that scenario she would be accepting of his job and maybe want to help, but it would never have worked because that's not who she was. dean cares about her, but it's not really love, it was just the first time he honestly understood the need for the secrets and lies, because normal people wouldn't understand his life.

lisa represented a time when dean needed stability in his life. he just lost his brother and desperately needed something real that would help him move on. lisa was the ideal scenario he never got to live, the one he idolized his entire life but ultimately learned it wasn't for him, and had to let go of to keep them safe. lisa was similar to cassie, but to a greater extent. dean was older then, old enough to know that he could never protect them if he was still in their lives, the safer option being giving them up completely.

benny i think represents a really bad time in deans life. the relationship starts in purgatory, right after cas abandons him. benny finds him and they fall in love (or something) but it's obvious that it won't last outside of purgatory. they're too different, they don't have much in common when they're not fighting for their lives, it just wouldn't work, but it doesn't mean they don't care about each other. i don't think it's love on dean's part but definitely on benny's. ultimately, he just wants dean to be happy, and dean wants benny to stay clean so he doesn't have to kill him. he does anyway.

castiel is deans soulmate. he fundamentally changed him and made him a better person. the difference between cas and the rest of his partners is that cas was there through everything, the good and the bad. he represents dean's acceptance of himself and the end of his self loathing, because he accepted dean; for all of his flaws and issues. he made dean want to be better, want to live, and i think that's so important. he literally made him believe. cas is always going to be the one dean goes back to at the end of the day, the one he can't imagine himself living without

#...#does this make any sense #brain go brrr no more thoughts!#still can't believe deanbenny was real wtf #heyyyyy bae if ur seeing this yep its me #someone needs to take my phone away #supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #benny lafitte #lee supernatural #cassie supernatural #i dont know anyones names oops #destiel #deancas #deanbenny #deanlee #deancassie #is that a name?

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my-sherlock221b · 3 years

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Supernatural Rewatch Ramblings: Bloodlust

2020-21 has been a huge transformative time for many of us. Whether we wanted it or not, we have been forced to stop, switch gears, rethink, reflect, let go, make new priorities, discover who we really are and who we want to be in the face of adversity.

One of those transformations for me has been giving up on control and finding a way to surrender to the power of the universe. Another has been to not let perfection be the enemy of good.

You may well wonder---What does all this have to do with the Bloodlust rewatch and review??!

Probably nothing LOL except for the fact that I still have to write up my review on Bloody Mary and have been unable to write for various reasons. And then because the Bloody Mary review was still incomplete I could not write about the next one etc etc etc.

So when we watched Bloodlust two days ago in the continuing re-watch, I decided that I am going to re-start the review, and from exactly where I am right now!

If time and life permits I might fill in the gaps later. If not, well, life is unpredictable and weird and we keep calm as it carries on….Thank you for coming to my Philosophy talk….:)

Read below for the Boodlust review, Season 2 episode 3 and look out for the post from @soulmates-for-real on this rewatch too!!

The opening scene is the perfect switch and bait because we as an audience have been trained to latch on to types and identities and representations.

Woman in white night gown screaming and running--victim

Person who brutally beheads her—villain.

A few minutes into the episode we realize that we were wrong.

A good few minutes later we realize that we were wrong about being wrong.]

Haha.

We are idjits, swept away on the eddies and currents of this masterfully written and directed episode. Thank you Sera Gamble and Robert Singer!

The acting and the mesmerizing beauty of the two leads is worthy of an entire essay of its own but in order to have a life and finish this review I shall only say this—Oh my goodness HOW gorgeous is Jensen Ackles?!!

It is sometimes impossible to look at him in this episode because my eyes didn’t know where to land! That perfect face? The lips? Those eyes?? The quirk of the eyebrows? Those micro expressions that are constantly weaving across his face? The smile? The way his lips move when he talks?? His hair? The Samulet?

And then the shot pans out and includes his hand and the ring and honestly it’s a miracle I could follow the plot at all.

So the images I am going to include in this review, much as I love Sam Winchester and Jared Padalecki, are all of Dean Winchester. It’s a criminal waste to not do so when the man is just an ode to perfection.

Sheila O’Malley’s review of this episode is in itself a work of art and a thing of beauty so I will direct you most enthusiastically towards it and only add here my little pennyworth bits. Do click on this link but be prepared to sink into a one hour read which will make you feel like you were dropped into the episode itself.

https://www.sheilaomalley.com/?p=87187

Here is a quote from her review which is so insightful.

These are the details that a director like Robert Singer never misses, and at this point his relationship with Ackles and Padalecki would be almost telepathic (it’s probably 100% telepathic now). He has said before that he and Kripke were such a good team because Kripke’s primary concern is Plot/Gore/Horror and Singer’s primary concern is Character/Relationship. And they both end up in the same place. It’s a good mix. If Singer were also Plot/Gore/Horror focused, we wouldn’t have the depth of relationship which is the real point of the show, its real hook.

For a much briefer and far less technically adept and analytical review, read on here!

The opening of this episode shows us the Impala from every possible angle. Gleaming, gorgeous, road -worthy. This is mirrored by Dean. He is also gleaming, gorgeous and roadworthy. He is in a happy mood that not even Sam’s little brother snitty comments can deflate.

Here is the soundtrack of this episode for those who are interested.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0835248/soundtrack

Here is some random but fun trivia:

Dean tells Sam in one scene "If it's Supernatural, we kill it." One of the rare times the title of the show is actually spoken in the dialogue.

This is the first episode where Sam began parting his hair down the middle, the hairstyle he'd keep the rest of the series.

( I didn’t like his hair too much in this episode honestly but then again I could barely see anyone beyond Dean :D)

During the filming of this episode Jared injured his hand when he fell badly during a stunt. He thought it was merely sprained and went straight into filming the next episode without having it checked. But it got more and more painful and finally he went to the doctor and discovered that his hand was, in fact, broken. Because he had already begun filming, he couldn't bandage the hand until filming for that episode was finished. The writers ended up writing in an accident for Sam and his line "I think she broke my hand" to explain the fact that for the following few episodes he would be wearing a cast.

When Dean kills a vampire, blood is sprayed on his face, mostly on his right cheek. In the next shot the pattern is different, and notably the right cheek is almost clean. Furthermore, his mouth was agape when he made the kill, risking the blood getting into his mouth and turning him into a vampire. While the brothers didn't yet know how a vampire is made at that point, Gordon did and should have been alarmed that Dean might have gotten some of the blood in his mouth.

A random behind the scene shot from the episode:

Guess who she is? Apparently this is Jensen’s sister in a super brief role in Bloodlust!

On to the review, or rather some of my thoughts during the re-watch.

The first scene with the Sheriff they are interrogating him about the cattle mutilations is hilarious. The way they bluff their way into the morgue is hilarious. Dean always leading and Sam following.

Random trivia: When Dean enters the morgue with Sam and sees the name tag of "J Manners", it has been thought the name was to honor Jeffrey Dean Morgan and series producer Kim Manners. Dean guesses "John" - Jeffrey's character name - and the intern corrects with "Jeff"

It a testament to the way Supernatural has trained its audience that we barely blink when they pull out a decapitated head in the morgue, squabble over who is more chicken, dig into the mouth and eventually discover vampire fangs.

Yes, of course they do.

Next scene: Two hot guys walk into a bar…..

…….where the adorable Benny, who is not Benny in this episode but a random dude ( spoilers—later we find out the dude is a vampire), gives them directions/ mis- directions to a possible vampire nest.

We see the first glimpse of Gordon Walker, amazingly played by Sterling K. Brown, and making us worry about and dislike him almost right away. The way he is shown with the light and shade bars on his face from the window blinds is so menacing.

The next few scenes continue to build that sense of unease where the Winchester brothers, apparently telepathically, decide to double back and catch him following them, then he shows them his car and his weapons, where he references their dad and then refuses their offer for help.

The scene where he shows them his car is like a painting. (The car by the way is just as inconspicuous as the Impala –which is to say NOT AT ALL!! How do these people stay below the radar of the regular law enforcement is a mystery….).

The dust highlighting the rays of light, the two brothers on one side of the car and Gordon at the other, it’s all so consciously set up for a few seconds worth of screen time. Impressive!

Next comes a truly brutal kill, at Dean’s hands, which we don’t even see except as a spray of blood on his face. Poetic! But it is Dean’s expression that makes my stomach clench. His eyes are dead and he is somewhere deep that even Sam can’t reach, as we can see from the distress on Sam’s face.

Gordon of course is all chipper and full of bonhomie and offers to buy them drinks.

That following scene is the one which gives Wincest brother-wives vibes like 100%.

Sam plays the role of the disgruntled ‘wife’ to perfection. No one but hubby is allowed to use the nickname. He hates the male bonding going on with Gordon and the more Gordon seems to slip into Dean’s inner circle, the more uncomfortable Sam gets, until he finally decides that he just cannot physically be there any more.

Dean’s smug expression when Sam tells Gordon off for calling him Sammy, his instant worry at Sam going back alone, his hand raised in exasperation to convey to Gordon—look what I have to put up with-- the tossing of the keys to his car----it is all a symphony of Dean playing his part in the brother-wives orchestra.

The last line?! ‘Remind me to beat the buzzkill out of you later.’ And Sam’s expression at that? That’s exactly the way a bullying /abusive husband would react to a nagging wife who doesn’t like his toxic friends and wonders how he can be so blind as to not see them for the bad influence they clearly are.

( Bad Dean!!!)

Sam goes back to the motel and does his due diligence by checking with Ellen, gets kidnapped by vampires, released and on his return is disgusted to find Gordon inside their motel room.

The next scene is where Dean erupts, having clearly had enough of the shifting power dynamics between them over the evening. Sam has been silently judging him since the kill and Gordon has managed to ‘other’ Sam and make Dean feel validated in his own bloodlust as a hunter.

Dean clocks Sam one.

Wow. I did not see that coming. And what shocked me at this re- watch is that Sam just takes it.

Like an abused wife, he just takes it. Not only that, sometime later in the episode he tells Dean to hit him again if it is going to make him feel better.

NO Sam! NO!!! This is NOT healthy and this is NOT the way to deal….ugh. Sigh.

Then the second half of the episode swings in and the moral dilemma they face becomes clear when the victim and villain switch roles and Dean is shook enough to question his dad’s judgement!

Dean is still kind of trying to give Gordon the benefit of the doubt even though he sees him literally torturing the vampire. But of course all bets are off the instant he touches Sam. Dean pulls his gun on him. I was surprised that he didn’t shoot him just on principle later simply because he hurt Sam even if it was a small cut.

That is Dean’s definition of monsters-- Anything that hurts Sam. 😊

We don’t know it at this time, and spoilers ahead, but maybe Dean has been so annoyed and violent with Sam at the idea that he is standing up for MONSTERS is because he might also be one….and the way he looks at the end when he realizes that his whole life’s philosophy has been upended.

There are the details about the vampires who drink cattle blood so they don’t harm humans and therefore want to be treated as the good guys. Of course it is all about the inherent struggle between who you are and what you do—something that shows up hugely magnified in the later seasons when Sam is struggling with his own demon blood addiction and the knowledge of the demon blood inside him.

He needs desperately to believe in this as the utmost foundation stone of his life and its purpose—what you DO is more important than what you ARE!

So even if you are a monster, if you don’t behave like one—that is your redemption.

But it’s not just anybody whose faith he wants in his struggle to prove to himself that he is not a monster. He needs it from Dean.

Remember the dialogue from the panic room “Don’t you say that to me. Don’t YOU say that to me.”

And the fake voicemail set up by Zachariah exploits this at the time of the breaking of the last seal.

Of course he doesn’t know any of this yet, but that’s Sam fucking Winchester for you –always purer and better than his circumstances allow. Always struggling to do better, be better.😍

It is fascinating how the visuals and the roles these two play are of rugged handsome men, badass heroes-- Dean of course super macho role playing all the time. But there are so many layers upon layers and honestly if it wasn’t for Jared and Jensen’s fine nuanced and impeccable acting adding depth to the characters, the show would not have held our interest for this long.

We are shown Sam as the brains with his lore and research, but then in the very next episode (Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things), we see Dean connect dots faster than Sherlock Holmes.

Dean is shown as the instinctively violent one with the gun under his pillow, trigger happy, and in this episode even that brutal kill of the vampire on the docks. But then please remember the way Sam kills Gordon finally. Or the insane way he bites himself to get blood for drawing sigils. Or the way he just simply shoots the crossroads demon point blank!

We see Sam as the soft hearted one and he does rescue kids once in a while, but he is never shown to bond with them even a fraction of the way Dean does—so effortlessly. Also the ladies of course, all of whom have a soft spot for Dean. The exceptions being Sarah and Madison, both of whom completely ignored Dean. Oh and that doctor from Sex and Violence.

Dean has had his share of bad dates of course with Cassie, the woman who gave birth to his magical superfast growing daughter ( who was killed by Sam), and the whole Lisa arc, but somehow we are shown Sam as the one who is invested in relationships. Hello?! Sam was planning to marry Jessica without having told her a thing about his life while Dean told Cassie the secret as soon as he thought he was in love and wanted a relationship.

So anyway, just to say that a rewatch is so brilliant because we know more about them at this point than they do and the character arc is such a thing of beauty to see unfolding!

That last scene where Dean is in a thoughtful frame of mind, the sun is rising overhead ( as a metaphor for him seeing the light, maybe?)--that insanely gorgeous shot of Dean with the ring of fire and light and his absolutely perfect face in a close up…sigh.

Then he thanks Sam for pushing him to see this grey area and for the first time in that episode Sam finally smiles.

His big brother is back with him.

And then he commits to Dean too. Ah…how it warms my heart to hear this dialogue!

DEAN I wish we never took this job. It's jacked everything up.

SAM What do you mean?

DEAN Think about all the hunts we went on, Sammy, our whole lives.

SAM Okay.

DEAN What if we killed things that didn't deserve killing? You know? I mean, the way Dad raised us...

SAM Dean, after what happened to Mom, Dad did the best he could.

DEAN I know he did. But the man wasn't perfect. And the way he raised us, to hate those things; and man, I hate 'em. I do. When I killed that vampire at the mill I didn't even think about it; hell, I even enjoyed it.

SAM You didn't kill Lenore.

DEAN No, but every instinct told me to. I was gonna kill her. I was gonna kill 'em all.

SAM Yeah, Dean, but you didn't. And that's what matters.

DEAN Yeah. Well, 'cause you're a pain in my ass.

SAM Guess I might have to stick around to be a pain in the ass, then.

DEAN Thanks.

SAM Don't mention it.

Transcript here http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/index.php?title=2.03_Bloodlust_%28transcript%29

Guess Sam does stick around for the next 15 years to be a pain in the ass 😊

Some quotes from the writers about this episode:

· "The episode was really about what Dean would become if he didn't watch out: that Gordon was Dean in ten years if Sam didn't ask the difficult questions and keep him from getting too militant." - Executive story editor Sera Gamble

· "We set out to create a monster episode where you weren't entirely sure whether these monsters should be killed." - Eric Kripke

· "For me, the show is at its best when the supernatural story reveals something new about the brothers, or forces them to change in some way. Sam and Dean's realization that they've basically been raised as 'monster racists' was really meaty stuff. Exploring these characters' flaws is just as important as showcasing their heroism - these are the things that make them human, that make us invest in them." - Raelle Tucker

Check out this site for more amazing trivia and stuff

http://www.jonescave.com/supernatural/Episode/Episode.php?s=2&e=3#PopCulture

I have already finished watching the next episode ‘Children’s Shouldn’t play with Dead Things’….so let’s hope I get around to writing a review sometime soon !

#spn #spn review #spn meta #sam and dean #bloodlust #the epic love story of sam and dean #wincest #brother wives

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coffeeteaitsallfine · 4 years

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ok.... it’s Vampire Boyfriend, Live Free or TwiHard time

(disclaimer i dont actually really talk about S6x05 live free or twihard, it just sounded catchy)

No, Castiel is not the archetypical vampire boyfriend but he is a very Edward vampire boyfriend-- Seasons 6 - 8 in nice little arc. No, he is not lustful (just in subtext). S6-8 (& a lil before that) Cas is heavily the outcast. He is not impure traditionally (until he gets those leviathans!! sick ahaha sera!!!!!fightme) but he does have a crack in his chassis. Cas doesn’t think about sex the way humans do but it’s not really about that. Human feelings let alone feelings for humans are sinful (hellooo nephillims being abominations) they’re just “mud-monkeys.” To the angels, Castiel’s love for humans is worth giving him lobotomies over and over. Falling in love with one is the worst sin (“the very touch of you corrupts [Castiel]”). He is thus outcasted! (this was all written pre-s12 so go with it)

Now, in twilight the sex subtext isn’t subtext, it’s repressed because this is a good little Christian novel of course. Edward the vampire is constantly repressing his thirst and they’re only able to be together with ease once they’re on equal footing. I’ve reread it just this year. It’s repressed and not just in Eclipse when he won’t have sex with her. Bella CLEARLY has a sex dream and Edward knows about it but they don’t talk about it. Anyway, the text is the whole “I’m a killer bella” not blood drinking though. He is repressing that so it’s under control. NO no Edward is a danger magnet literally just crushing her with strength or luring other people to kill her. Castiel’s violence pre-s6 anyway is framed as holy and because heaven commanded it, but the slaughtering of angels for no good reason? unforgiveable. Cas doesn’t tempt dean in any lustful way but just the fact that he’s Gay and in love is already too obvious subtext as it is thanks to S4-5, bringing sex appeal or tempting imagery here would be too obvious or overdoing it i guess and works for us so it doen’t come off as predatory I don’t think. Meanwhile for the proxy Meg Castiel is the pizza man. (whereas s9′s answer to that is...nah he’s the babysitter apparently lol ? lets not read into it). Note as I’m editing: Eve literally eve is a character is S6? I forgot this but oh my god make it stop.

Then in S7 Cas is all “I deserved to die” because he killed a lot of angels and bad people as Godstiel (hello eddie boy’s serial killer murder streak if you didn’t pick up on this yet). Then, obviously, he is not even deserving of LOVE he’ll just hurt everything and everyone around and probably dean too. Cue the early S8 New Moon subplot culminating in fallen angels because we all know the third ingredient for the spell that would expel angels from societyheaven and lock the door behind them, was an angel falling love with a human. At the same time, his angel grace is taken away from him, making him a human no longer “pure” or without sin in the eyes of heaven like adam. the first to fall causing all the angels to fall with him.

Now this doesn’t quite work the same way for dean from dean’s perspective cause why would it. He’s not the Laura/Lucy to Castiel’s Carmilla/Dracula. (This makes Benny’s placement in Purgatory for the love triangle (literally) so in contrast like Benny IS this story’s Jacob) He’s not scandalized by the prospect of falling love. He’s got complicated emotions & thoughts is scared to for vulnerability reasons plus his own sexuality issues but I beg you to see that as separate and not over think it-- Twilight is very repressed, Dean is extremely repressed, poor Cas. But! Dean feels completely “pure” in purgatory & wants nothing more than to find the angel the entire time. He is Bella Swan thinking the killer/monster is an Angel (see: Twilight Ch. 23 “The Angel”), the only angel. All the other angels (vampires) are evil dicks but not my angel :) Mine is powerful, strong, psychic, and sexy. he’s beautiful and perfect and will never love me the way i love him unless we are the same species, equals if you will.

Castiel is the vampire boyfriend, but not in the old, traditional way rather in the inevitably “modern” (2000s--early 2010s) take, where the vampire isn’t preying upon your sexual purity but the wholesome family ideal (ie lisa/ben, raking those leaves, the cookouts ah yes how american)....ehh yikes sera gamble? s6 reeks of homophobia thanks, thanks a lot. Except well, also, dean doesn’t really want that life not entirely. Neither did bella either tbh until the end but lets not get into that, except twilight is the “wholesome” ending, the opposite in every way to traditionally evil (lol ykwim...) vampires. The show eventually moves into a middle space, a synthesis of horror and home-- where it should’ve ended as we all know. Anyway, while writing this I remembered the beginning of Season 6, when the modern version of the vampire boyfriend arc kicks in, was also when they had the episode “Live Free or TwiHard.” Is this coincidence? probably, maybe, idk. I started this post just wanting to make casward parallels cause it sounded right and I’m a deancas/bellaedward truther for the Jokes, a Good Time, and the hot takes.

except no, with Carver finishing up S8 (bookending the arc nicely with the two gay truckers being soulmates), Benny is the old world would be tragic vampire boyfriend and they couldn’t last! Sorry benny it’s been real. Castiel is the modern twilight vampire boyfriend, without predatory vibes and since religion is more of a plot device than a theme, less Mormonism and heteronormativity. Plus this reading is just sexy and cool and I like to have fun

#deancas/bellaedward parallels #castiel twilight vampire boyfriend #mine #destiel #spn

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canonicallysoulmates · 4 years

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Hey! You can feel free to ignore this since it is a big ask but. As someone who dropped off the show by s8 and doesn’t really care about following the big plot points, can you recommend to me all the good Sam & Dean episodes that have happened since? (Not just angst or drama even, even just episodes with funny little moments or details?) I am like, solely here for these two being codependent and soulmates and not much else. <3 (Sidenote: thank you for your tagging system!)

Hi! Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply to this; as you yourself said this was a big ask, lots of episodes to go through and remember but hopefully you’re still interested in my answer.

Now the following are not every episode where there’s a brother moment for example the s8 premiere had a great brother hug where the boys reunite, episode 3 of that same season drew parallels between the boys and a couple, if I remember correctly, but those episodes are not included on the list because I didn’t just wanna recommend every single epi that had a brother scene just because it had a brother scene. I took into consideration if it had moments, what they were, enjoyability of the episode and if the moment or moments were big enough to make a bad episode worth recommending, I don’t wanna recommend something to you without thought and have you spend an hour of your life just to see and enjoy a flash in the pan moment you can enjoy just as much or more through gifs and clips.

In complete transparency I will also add that I did this mostly from memory so there is the chance that an episode with good moments slipped through the cracks and for that I apologize.

I don’t know at what point of s8 you stopped watching or if you stopped before the season so I am starting this with s8.

Season 8

Episode 4: Bitten. This epi doesn’t have a ton of moments or even a big one but it does have two students saying Sam and Dean give off workplace-romance vibes, and I’m a sucker for the boys being compared to or thought of as a couple.

Episode 10: Torn and Frayed. Not gonna lie, not the biggest fan of this episode, but it does have the brothers choosing each other over Benny and Amelia so….

Episode 11: LARP and the Real Girl. I said it before in another post that to me this is the turning point of the season for the better, and it has the boys having fun.

Episode 12: As Time Goes By. I wouldn’t call this one a Sam and Dean episode as in SamandDean packed with brother moments but we and the boys get to learn more about their legacy as Winchesters so if that’s something you’re interested in...

Episode 14: Trial and Error. This one has emotional brother moments with Dean wanting Sam to be safe and have a normal life and Sam asking Dean to believe in him, and praising him.

Episode 17: Goodbye Stranger. To be honest, I don’t remember if this epi has other brother moments but I am solely recommending it because this is the one where Dean learns the trials are making Sam sick and at the end there’s a scene where he tells Sam to let him help carry the burden.

Episode 19: Taxi driver. Great epi filled with protective!Dean, he kills Benny to save Sam, a beautiful brother hug.

Episode 20: Pac man fever. They argue like a married couple and Dean’s fear is shown to be losing Sam.

Episode 21: The Great Escapist. Pretty much the whole episode has little moments of Dean taking care of Sam.

Episode 23: Sacrifice. “Don’t you dare think that there is anything past or present that I would put in front of you!” This is the ‘if you watch nothing else from this season’ episode to watch. If you watch nothing else from the s8 sections of recommendations, watch this one, it has one of the best, most emotional Sam and Dean moments in the show’s history.

Season 9

Episode 1: I think I’m Gonna Like It Here. “I made you a promise in that church. You and me, come whatever.” “There ain’t no me if there ain’t no you.” I live for the codependency and for these two going to extremes to save the other including tricking into letting an angel possess the other’s body, and I refuse to apologize for it.

Episode 5: Dog Dean Afternoon. Okay, I’ll admit this one definitely falls more under the fun episode type but it does have Dean being all worried about Sam, clutching to him and threatening to lick his face if he doesn’t wake up.

Episode 7: Bad Boys. We learn more about young!Dean and see him choosing Sam over having a normal life.

Episode 15: #THINMAN. This one is an angsty one and not just because it’s the last time we see the Ghostfacers, this takes place after everything goes to shit in the boys relationship with Sam finding out about Dean’s betrayal and it contains parallels to what Ed and Harry are going through in their relationship, a protective worried Sam over Dean possibly being killed (which let me tell you is delicious to witness after all the angst and Sam acting like he doesn’t care about Dean anymore), and a bittersweet moment of the boys reminiscing about their past.

Episode 16: Blade Runners. This one is being recommended because it has some protective!Dean and because Sam being Dean’s Colette bringing him out of his MOC induced rage.

Episode 23: Do You Believe in Miracles?. The “I’m proud of us” moment, need I say more.

Season 10

Episode 1: Black.

Episode 2: Reinbach.

Episode 3: Soul Survivor. These three episodes are all being recommended for the exact same reason they have demon!Dean, and Sam going crazy trying to save him/find him. Plus, Soul Survivor has demon!Dean following Sam around the bunker.

Episode 4: Paper Moon. It has a flashback showing us just how far Sam was willing to go to get Dean back plus some emotional conversations between the boys.

Episode 5: Fan Fiction. I know people who like this episode. I know people who hate this episode. Personally, I think it has its good parts, it has some brother moments and some nods to wincest.

Episode 12: About A Boy. This one also falls more into the category of fun episode with Dean being turned into a teen, but it also has some good brother moments.

Episode 14: The Executioner’s Song. The fight scene between Dean and Cain was amazing and it has Dean collapsing into Sam’s arms.

Episode 18: Book of the Damned. Love this episode, this epi is probs the best example as to what I enjoyed the most about s10; usually we see Dean being codependent and going to extremes to save Sam but during this season we see the opposite and this episode really highlights that with Sam telling Dean he can’t lose him, telling Charlie he understands hunting is his life but he can’t do it without his brother, going behind Dean’s back and seeking help from Rowena to try and save him.

Episode 19: The Werther Project. More Sam being desperate to save Dean, protective!Dean, and Dean saying he and Sam are stronger together than apart.

Episode 23: Brother’s Keeper. Sam and Dean literally choose each other over the world and Dean kills Death over Sam.

Season 11

Episode 4: Baby. One of the best episodes, just our boys, the open road and all told from Baby’s POV. A must watch in my book.

Episode 8: Just My Imagination. The last flashback episode we ever got - *hits 15.16 with a shovel* like I said last flashback episode we got; it’s fun, has good Sam and Dean moments, we learn more young!Sam, Sam gets some love and praise, the boys wore cozy sweaters, good epi.

Episode 10: The Devil in the Details. It has protective!Dean and Lucifer point out to Sam that he and Dean have chosen each other time and time again because they can’t stand to lose one another. What can I say, I like when the codependency is brought up.

Episode 11: Into the Mystic. Here’s the thing with this episode, I have become sort of embittered towards it due this being the introduction of a character with whom there is an attempted romance in s15 which I heavily dislike but I can’t deny that before that I really did like it, it has some good brother moments and it has Dean telling Sam he forgave him for not looking for him in Purgatory which is major.

Episode 15: Beyond the Mat. Another epi on the fun list, mostly being recommended because it has the boys having fun and that’s something we rarely get to see.

Episode 16: Safe House. Protective!Worried about Dean!Sam!

Episode 17: Red Meat. What can I say about this iconic episode? It's one of the best episodes in the series, absolutely soul crushing, codependency times 1,000. Have tissues with you when you watch it because you will sob your heart out. They turned Sam and Dean into Romeo and Juliet but better.

Episode 20: Don’t Call Me Shurley. Regardless of what a certain showrunner ended up doing to the character I do still love this episode and it has some great Sam and Dean content with Dean preferring to possibly die with Sam, telling him he’d never leave him and the return of the Samulet.

Episode 23: Alpha and Omega. Emotional brother hug, Dean saying he and Sam need each other.

Season 12

Episode 5: The One You’ve Been Waiting For. I’m gonna be honest, I don’t remember much of this episode other than I enjoyed it and that it had some fun moments between the boys.

Episode 9: First Blood. I’m truly only recommending this because it had, Badass!Winchesters.

Episode 10: Lilly Sunder Has Some Regrets. Funny thing about this episode was it was supposed to be all about C but it ended up being enjoyable and filled with little Sam and Dean moments including some protective!Sam.

Episode 11: Regarding Dean. Jensen’s acting in this episode is next level, and it is filled with little brother moments.

Episode 18: The Memory Remains. The only reason I am recommending this one is because it’s the one where the boys carve their initials on the table which was a major moment.

Season 13

Episode 8: The Scorpion and the Frog. Another fun episode that’s filled with little Sam and Dean moments.

Episode 11: Breakdown. For so long I talked about Dean being Sam’s knight in shining armor it’d be wrong for me to not bring up the episode where it happened. Also, Dean tells Sam he’s there for him.

Episode 12: Various and Sundry Villains. It had some fun brother moments.

Season 14

Episode 4: Mint Condition. Fun Hallooween episode with fun, little moments. Absolutely loved this one.

Episode 11: Damaged Goods. This isn’t really a Sam and Dean episode, or at least I don’t consider it one but the ending scene between the brothers where Dean tells Sam he’s the only one that could have changed his mind about throwing himself into the box was beautiful.

Episode 12: Prophet and the Loss. The brother hug to end all brother hugs. Absolutely amazing episode, packed with brother moments including what’s probably the best brother hug, will sing its praises till I die and then I’ll continue singing them in the afterlife.

Episode 13: Lebanon. The 300th episode. It has some moments between the boys as well as some touching scenes of the boys with their dad.

Season 15

Episode 4: Atomic Monsters. Is this partially on the recommended pile because Jensen directed it? Yes but nonetheless it’s a pretty good epi that while not super packed with brother moments does have them. (Also, this is the last season and I’m sad to report we are scraping the bottom of the barrel trying to find Sam and Dean content in this dessert.)

Episode 11: The Gamblers. Good brother moments and the boys get called heroes which I love.

Episode 13: Destiny’s Child. The sole reason I am recommending this episode is for AU!Sam and Dean, they are the funnest thing this show has done in a while.

Episode 14: Last Holiday. While this doesn’t really have Sam and Dean moments with the exception of Sam telling Dean he should have called him to let him know he was in trouble, it does have the boys being taken care of and getting to have some fun and that’s something we so rarely get to see that I am including it.

Like I said, this is not a definitive list of every single episode that has Sam and Dean moments there’s episodes like the most recent one, 15.17, that had a beautiful moment between the brothers but I didn’t list the epi here cause I don’t think it’s necessary to watch the whole episode for it when it can be seen and enjoyed just as much by watching it through a clip. Which while I don’t recommend the whole ep I do highly recommend looking up the end and seeing the brother moment; point is, similar to 8.01 or 15.17 there were other episodes that had moments that weren’t included due to seeing the whole epi not being necessary to enjoy the moment.

#i didn't wanna just recommend without thought so this took a long time #and i put a lot of work into it #ask #sam and dean #spn related #emblian

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tickingtimetilltwelveseventeen · 4 years

Text

Seasons 6+ Rewrite

Heyloo 👋

I am in need of some assistance for fic writing purposes. Everybody is doing a rewrite, and I want in lol.

To that end, what are the storylines or plot points from Season 6 onward that just didn't make sense to you? Here's my list of what I have so far (pardon the grammar - it's late where I am and I can't be bothered with punctuation):

Dean never getting the chance to explicitly show himself as bisexual.

No references to The Lost Years (i.e. the year between Seasons 5 and 6 and the year between 7 and 8)

Cas/Crowley were somehow able to get into Lucifer's Cage to get Sam's body. Like, I get that they couldn't get his soul, but accessing the Cage at all kinda negates the drama of the entire 5th season.

Alpha Monsters and Eve storyline completely dropped.

Civil War in Heaven not given enough screentime

Cas removing Lisa's and Ben's memories of Dean

Literally everything about the Leviathan

Becky essentially mindraping (and almost actual raping) Sam into marriage

Bobby's death

Sam choosing not to go after Kevin at the end of Season 7

Kevin and Charlie never met

The angels got nerfed

Kevin's death

Dean's only a demon for 3 episodes

Cole

The Stynes

Charlie's death

Killing Death

The British Men of Letters

Amara bringing Mary back

The alternate universe (because I want the REAL Bobby, Kevin, and Charlie, not Alt!ones)

Not killing Lucifer for good at the end of Season 12

Kaia's death

Missouri's death

Benny's (apparent?) death

Not getting the closure we actually needed from John's return episode

Not exploring Michael and Adam enough

That Cas was the one thing Chuck couldn't control or predict. Don't get me wrong, part of that sentiment is BEAUTIFUL and like the reverse soulmates AU idea I never realized I needed, but I think it discredits Dean (and Sam, and all the other characters, for that matter) and the choices he made after averting the Apocalypse. I'd prefer if all 3 of them fucked everything up in this universe rather than Cas alone.

Everything about the last 2 episodes

On a related note, here are storylines I hated but don't necessarily think should be rewritten:

Sam choosing a "normal" life with Amelia. While I definitely think that he should have gotten Kevin first, I can understand him giving up Dean and Cas both as dead and immediately retiring once Kevin was "safe".

God being the final villain. I go back and forth on whether or not they should have gone in this direction, to be honest. On the one hand, I love the originality of it and the implied fuck you it gives to both the writers and religious despots worldwide, but I liked Chuck too much as a neglectful parent rather than an openly abusive one. Neglect is its own brand of abuse, and I think they should have explored the concept of him just not caring more than the idea that he cared too much and hated what happened to his perfect story.

Cas's deal with The Empty, if only for the sheer angst potential.

#spn #supernatural #destiel #dean winchester #dean is bi #castiel #sam winchester #anti-15x20

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dearlydean · 4 years

Text

These are some thoughts I’ve had relating to the finale. This will include my thoughts on Sam & Dean, multishipping, and a possible found-family coda after the end. These are all personal; I don’t speak for anyone else! If you ship something else that’s fine!

Do I ship Sam and Dean? Yes and no. As has been theorized since season 5, to me they’re soulmates. That means they’re more than brothers, more than best friends, more than partners. They are soulmates. (I read a cute fic equating it to the Star Trek term “T'hy'la” which is a Vulcan word meaning friend, brother, or lover, which seems to fit.) To me, their bond is the most important thing for them. It doesn’t have to be sexual (I’m panace and usually just glance through/skim most smut scenes regardless of pairing). It doesn’t necessarily have to be romantic (I’m fine either way as long as it’s consensual between them). As long as their bond is the strongest, I’m fine either way. So, I ship their bond in any way.

It’s also important to note, even though they’re soulmates, they still had to make choices pointing to each other in our canon universe. We’ve seen alternate universes in the show; sometimes they’re not close (like in the Djinn dream 2x20), sometimes they become close (Wesson & Smith 4x17). So their bond means more to me in the main universe, as it’s been shown that it doesn’t always happen that way.

As I mentioned, as long as their bond is the strongest thing (platonic/romantic/whatever), I’m fine with other pairings. I’m a multishipper by heart; I just want my fave characters to be loved. Dean and Cassie? Great; first woman he told about their secret. Dean and Lisa? Great; he had a nice time with her and Ben. Dean and other people? Great. Dean and Benny? Amazing! This one is my soft spot; Benny was so gone on Dean. Sam and Jess? Great; first Sam ship we see. Sam and Castiel? After they both get to better terms with each other it’s p sweet. Sam and others? Great. Castiel and Meg? Amazing! So adorable; both were what each other needed and were so soft, the whole unicorn and Clarence.

(I’m a be real honest, I have this thing against possible ‘abuse’ of authority/possible consent issues in any way (so I don’t read sex worker aus or a/b/o aus unless they’re subversive/take the gray consent into account). Also, I was raised culturally religious, though I’ve been distant for a long time. These two things impact my feelings on d*stiel. I see Castiel as Dean’s guardian angel. I love them as friends and brothers! However, I cannot get into shipping them. But I do ship sastiel (sweet) and megstiel (adorable!).)

The finale (found family). I love that it focused on Sam and Dean. I’m fine either way that Sam had a life after Dean (the wife and kid), since it also showed that they never forgot each other. A way to incorporate others, would be if, after Sam arrives, he gets into Baby with Dean again. They drive up the road and meet with the others. We could see Bobby (and his friends/partners), Castiel and Meg, Jack could visit with Miracle the dog. Dean could be just with Sam (or my fave Benny!, or with someone else). Prior to this episode, I would’ve wanted Sam with Dean (in whatever way) and/or Jess. But since he got married, he could introduce his wife to the rest of them, and that could be when we finally get a closer view of her — we meet her as team free will (and Mary and John) meet her; at the same time because it goes along with the whole ‘fandom as family’ and ‘found family’ team free will had.

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samsoleil · 4 years

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9 and 10?

ask game

V I am sending the most fond vibes in your direction I hope they make it there okay!!

10. Your favourite season and why.

Honestly? Either S2 or S11.

Season 2: Sam has psychic powers and Dean is terrified that his brother might actually be bad, but is still ride or die for him. This is where we can see their relationship flourish without the search for John hanging over their heads. But y'know what does hang over their heads? John telling Dean he'll either have to save Sam or kill him, and Sam who is desperate to be saved and willing to be killed. And then!! when Sam dies!!! Dean saves him in the worst possible way!!!! Also, it's visually gorgeous. You've got the high contrast vibes from S1 but slightly less desaturated and you've still got the grainy film texture. An excellent time.

Season 11: Listen. I still think it should have been Chuck sending Sam visions. And I don't particularly care for the B plot. But Sam and Dean peak in this season for the first time since pre-s4 and it was amazing. It's the immediate aftermath of Sam literally unleashing "a force on the world that could destroy it" to save Dean. Codependency at its peak. And in two mid-season episodes they absolutely nail the S2 energy. I mean, establishing beyond any doubt that Dean loves Sam? And then making him think Sam is dead in the very next episode? Where Sam is also the dictionary definition of BAMF? Not to mention, Sam is just. so understanding of Dean and his messy feelings about Amara. Love that for them.

9. What episodes best encapsulates the brother’s relationship? Does this change throughout the series? Doesn’t have to be the best episode btw.

To answer the second question, the brother’s relationship very obviously changes throughout the show. It’s obviously very codependent from the get go (especially from Sam’s perspective! Literally unendurable), and it varies in toxicity. Some seasons they are very soft! Some seasons I want to shout at Sam to run for the hills and never return. And then there are some episodes in seasons where their relationship is literally awful that are wonderfully tender (like 08x21 when Dean says “You gotta let me take care of you, man”).

Imo, S1-3 are peak brothers. S4/5 are excellent to watch but not the most tender. S6 is on thin fucking ice. S7-10 are, generally speaking, when I would absolutely be willing to kill a man (Dean), but are still SO compelling because these crazy kids are devoted and have no moral boundaries when it comes to the other. S11 is a return to the good stuff! I haven’t seen the seasons after that but from what I have seen, Sam becomes a Dean apologist and Dean just gets worse. But they’re still codependent, so that’s fine. “You were gonna leave and you weren’t even going to tell me?” and “What about me? Would you trade me?” are baller lines. Sam is a grown man but he’s out here saving the world by being Dean’s baby brother. Iconic of them.

OKAY so. First question. I originally had several episodes per season but I have to limit it to 2, this is going to be too long otherwise. Also, as you well know, I've only watched up to 12x06, so I won't include S12 here.

Episodes (and explanations) under the cut!

Obviously, both 01x01 Pilot and 15x20 Carry On. Literally the perfect bookends for this show. I don’t need to elaborate.

01x05 Bloody Mary - Has the moment where Dean actually has an emotional conversation with his brother, because he’s switched on to Sam’s emotional needs. He was willing to let Sam blame him for Jess’ death so that Sam didn’t blame himself! And near the end it has the iconic line "You're my brother and I'd die for you." Dean, right? No! It was Sam!! Anyone with any sort of reservations about whether Sam cared about Dean in early S1 can refer to this episode. It’s episode 5!! of the whole show!! and it has that line!!

01x11 Faith - Sam has absolutely no regrets about someone dying to save Dean's life. In retrospect, this episode says a lot about how much Sam loves Dean.

02x01 In My Time of Dying - Sam can sense that Dean is there, either through psychic powers or because they are soulmates. Both are good. Also, Dean is told that he may have to kill Sam, which influences their dynamic for the rest of the show <33

02x21 All Hell Breaks Loose Part 1 - Dean, on his knees in the mud, telling Sam's corpse that it'll be okay and screaming his name. That is all. Also, after thoroughly chewing out a victim earlier in the season for selling his soul to save a loved one, Dean sells his soul to save a loved one.

03x08 A Very Supernatural Christmas - Sam decorated a Christmas tree with pine air fresheners to give Dean a Christmas. Obsessed.

03x11 Mystery Spot - Dean dies repeatedly, then dies for good for about 6 months, and Sam becomes a ruthless hunter in order to bring him back. Dean spends longer dead in this episode than he actually does at the end of S4.

04x14 Sex and Violence - Dean's siren is literally just a version of Sam that is devoted to Dean and would do anything he says.

04x22 Lucifer Rising - Bobby coming for Dean's life. The VOICEMAIL!! Dean acting as though them being family is a cure-all and saying he'll beat Sam up, but also apologising. I'll take it. And then, of course, the voicemail Sam hears, which is more or less what Dean said in 04x04, and that being what tips him over the edge. The edge, of course, being killing Lilith to avenge Dean’s death, which has been his quest since the end of S3. Excellent.

05x16 Dark Side of the Moon - Ohoho. This episode. You know why this episode is here.

05x22 Swan Song - Same as the above! Dean who doesn't have a plan, just doesn't want his little brother to die alone. Sam, who fights off the devil himself and (essentially) kills himself to save his brother and the car they call their home. That memory sequence, for me, gave Sam the power not to save the world, but to save his brother. The world was just a bonus.

06x11 Appointment in Samara - "Dean doesn't care about me, he just cares about his little brother, Sammy, burning in hell. He'll kill me to get that other guy back." Dean's anger at himself for screwing up and forfeiting Sam's soul was. a lot. Also, Sam begging for his life and Dean just continuing anyway? Horrific. But very testament to their relationship at this point. Dean wants Sammy back and he WILL kill this other guy to do it.

06x22 The Man Who Knew Too Much - Sam being right about the consequences of having his soul put back in. And "You know me. You know why. I'm not leaving my brother alone out there."

07x03 The Girl Next Door - I was tossing up between this and 07x02 but. this has some flashbacks to past Sam!! Unfortunately, it also has Dean punching Sam for using the Impala, the car they both rely on to get around. And Dean murdering Sam's childhood friend for killing rapists. This isn’t an episode that makes you think “Awh, they’re codependent!”, it’s an episode that makes you send Sam vibes screaming at him to get out.

07x14 Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie - Ever think that maybe Sam fears clowns because he associates them with being abandoned? Also, nostalgia vs reality.

08x09 Citizen Fang - The voicemail from S4 is still hanging over our heads. Dean asking “Does that sound like the Benny we know?” and Sam replying “I don’t know Benny.” Dean keeping Benny away from Sam because Sam is apparently the one who will kill monsters with no nuance or remorse. But this episode is on the list specifically because of how pivotal the line "Yes, I do – too well. In fact, every relationship I have ever had has gone to crap at some point. But the one thing I can say about Benny – he has never let me down." is in absolutely wrecking Sam's mental health down the road!

08x23 Sacrifice - For obvious reasons! “You know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down!” and then Dean’s speech of blatant lies. It sounded good, though. Dean really is that devoted, but unfortunately he has amnesia.

09x01 I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here - Autonomy violation. This is what advanced care directives are for. Dean being so dependent on Sam that he would violate his autonomy and trick him into consenting to possession. Dean will do anything to keep Sam alive, including destroy Sam.

09x16 Blade Runners - The parallels between Colette and Sam are unbearable. “Drop the blade.” Also, Dean becomes SO feral when Sam’s cheek gets cut.

10x19 Book of the Damned - Sam’s speech! “But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother. And if he’s gone, then I don’t….”

10x24 Brother's Keeper - Ahahahahaaa. Sam kneeling down in front of Dean and letting him kill him, if he wants. Dean not doing so. Please do not emulate this relationship in your real human lives.

11x04 Baby - Obvious reasons. Also, the perfect example of how these two communicate. Dean clearly states his opinion so that Sam has something to base his arguments around, and then Sam provides his perspective. That meta about how Dean and Sam communicate and how Sam is the major decision maker opened my eyes. Impeccable takes.

11x16 Safe House - The thing Dean loves being Sam (and Sam being genuinely relieved that it was!!). Sam propping Dean’s sleeping body against the fridge while saying “I got you! Stay with me.” Him cradling Dean in his arms and patting his head and Dean being SO confused but not fighting it.

11x17 Red Meat - Okay, I lied about the 2 per season thing, I just needed all three of these episodes. They are too good to not include. Dean joking to hide how scared he is for Sam? Being willing to let all three of them die just because he thinks Sam is dead? Attempting/committing suicide to try to bring him back? Sam fighting through immense pain to get back to his brother? This episode is so good. They are absolute lunatics (affectionate).

#emblian #ask game #answered #spn #V I LOVE YOU!!#kael.txt

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ao3feed-destiel · 4 years

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Make Me Believe

Read it on AO3 here!https://ift.tt/33ZLWz5

by GhoulsnHalos (Morgawse)

Ten years ago, Castiel Novak’s stepfather disowned him, taking from him his place as hereditary heir to the head of the Hunter and Warrior Guild. Now, he’s a self-made, and celebrated, master gem and metal smith. Castiel doesn’t believe that the God’s decide your soulmate. Until he designs what can only be a gift fit for his soul mate, who in contradiction to the etiquette, if not the laws of Neffroen, must be a man.

Dean Winchester is convinced that he is a lowly, dumbass, no magic hunter who couldn’t possibly be on the same social scale as a Novak. So, why is it when he spots the jewelled torc in Castiel’s shop, Dean develops an obsession over the neckpiece and its creator? It can't be anything to do with the will of the Gods, no matter what anyone says, because that's baloney and Dean's not into men.

When Castiel’s long-lost brother turns up and suggests he ought to challenge their stepfather and that Dean is destined to help Castiel rule the clan, Castiel takes some convincing. The real problem is Dean. Can Castiel with the help of family and friends convince Dean of his place by Castiel’s side? Can Dean play the part everyone expects of him to help Castiel regain his rightful place in society?

Words: 78080, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Supernatural

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M

Characters: Castiel, Castiel (Supernatural), Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Gabriel (Supernatural), Benny Lafitte, Bobby Singer, Charlie Bradbury, Jo Harvelle, Missouri Moseley, Zachariah (Supernatural), Naomi (Supernatural), Ellen Harvelle, Kevin Tran, Balthazar (Supernatural), Kali (Supernatural)

Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester

Additional Tags: Idiots in Love, Dean Winchester Has Internalized Homophobia, Anal Sex, Public Hand Jobs, Alternate Universe - Magic, Soulmates, Dean Winchester's First Time With a Man, Love Potion/Spell

Link: https://ift.tt/33ZLWz5

#ao3feed #ao3feed destiel #destiel

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sweetness47 · 5 years

Text

The Bodyguard

Pairing Alpha!Dean x Omega!reader

This is for the following:

@spndeanbingo – fake dating

@spnabobingo – Alpha for hire

@spnkinkbingo – clothes sharing

@spngenrebingo – playing pretend

FINAL WORD COUNT: 5708

Warnings: MATURE 18+ READERS ONLY!!! Smut, knotting, heat, rut, ABO, mentions of arranged marriage, mob themes, dark themes etc… POSSIBLE TRIGGERS!!!

Summary: You have become a bargaining chip, and your Uncle expects you to arrive at the intended destination ASAP on your own, ‘intact’.

YN swallowed hard as she stood at the entrance of the tall building, wondering if she was doing the right thing. People travel alone all the time, right? Except most of them probably weren’t allergic to suppressants like she was. Without the safety of her home, she was pretty much doomed. And even though her heat was due soon, she wasn’t being given a choice in this trip, she had to travel across the continent just to marry some stranger, and saying no wasn’t an option. If she backed out or didn’t arrive on time, or if she wasn’t still a virgin when she arrived, then her younger sister would be sold to whoever she was supposed to wed, and YN would never let that happen.

She entered the building and walked to the elevator, pushed the button marked with 16, and waited. She’d heard of people hiring Alphas for lots of things, but not as a travel companion. Rumors were this one was the best, strong and more than qualified to handle any situation. She hoped he would accept the money she’d saved up, because it was all she had.

The office was easy to find, and the door said, “Come in”, so she did. YN gave a whistle of appreciation as she was greeted with bright yellow walls contrasted with rich mahogany flooring. Tasteful art pieces placed subtly here and there accented the cream colored sofa and the equally stunning mahogany desk. No one currently seemed to occupy said desk, or the office for that matter, which left YN wondering if she had gotten the office hours wrong, until she heard the whoosh of water behind the closed door on her right. She turned to see a tall man with sandy blonde hair exit the washroom, and heat crept up her face, staining her cheeks bright crimson. He stopped when he saw her blush and look downward to the floor.

“I’m sorry for just walking in,” she said.

“Don’t be. The sign does say ‘come in’. My name’s Dean,” he said, extending his hand to hers.

“YN.” She took the hand he offered. His grip was warm and strong, and his smile made her heart flip. She pushed the thought away, mentally scolding herself for the images that popped up in her mind.

Dean motioned for her to sit, then he joined her. “So, what brings a young, beautiful Omega such as yourself to my office?”

YN felt her cheeks grow warm once more. “I need an escort, well, more specifically, I need an alpha to protect me while I travel across the country. It’s a long, dangerous trip by train, and I don’t have suppressants.”

Dean raised a brow. “No suppressants?”

“I’m allergic to them. I’ve tried all different kinds, but never found one that didn’t give me hives or worse. My mother finally had to arrange with my school to keep me locked in a room for my heats. I need you to stay near me at all times, lend me your clothes, your scent, and your strength.”

Dean nodded in understanding. “Your heat is going to come on the trip.” She confirmed and he frowned. “Why can’t you do the trip after your heat is done?”

He swore he saw a tear blur her E/C eyes, so he stood and cut off whatever she was about to say. “Never mind, it’s none of my business. I’ll do it.”

She looked incredulously at him. “But we haven’t discussed your fee.”

He waved her off. “We can discuss fees after. I don’t have a set rate or anything.”

She furrowed her brow at the lie. She had struggled to come up with what she had to offer, and it wasn’t even close to his usual rate. Her sources had said he always took payment in advance. Here though, he was doing the exact opposite.

His voice cut into her thoughts. “When do we leave?”

“Is four hours enough time?” she asked.

Dean nodded. “We have to stop by my place to grab some stuff, then call my brother to come pick up my car and watch my office. Let’s get going.”

The drive to his flat was brief. He talked to his brother while he packed, then returned ten minutes later ready to go. They drove to the train station and were met by an equally handsome tall brunette, who YN assumed was Dean’s brother, since it appeared he knew the man. After some brief conversation, Sam took the car, and both Dean and YN headed to the train for boarding. YN had booked a private compartment, completely furnished with a large bed, sofa, and private washroom. Dean stored their luggage and took out some scent blockers, ones he could hang on the wall. They themselves were odorless, but absorbed other scents exceptionally well.

He watched her settle in as best as she could, her scent gracing the air, though faded, and it began to play with his mind as his nostrils took in the smell of apple pie. He fought to regain the control that threatened to slip from his grasp, even as his eyes flashed red. Fuck, if this was a sample of things to come, it was going to be a long, long trip.

“I’m going to get us some food and water. Wait here. Don’t answer the door for anyone. I will knock twice, then use the key. Do you understand? Don’t talk to anyone.”

YN nodded, and Dean left, making sure the door was locked tight before heading to the food car. He left her his jacket and shirt so she could have his scent, taking a fresh tee out of his bag to wear. He eyed the food choices before grabbing two bottles of water and two sandwiches. The cashier shot him a weird glance. “I’m really hungry.” He said to the girl at the till.

“Actually he bought that for me,” a voice interrupted from behind Dean.

“Well, well, look what the cat dragged in,” Dean greeted the other man warmly. “I didn’t know they let riff-raff on these things.”

His friend looked amused. “They must, how else would you be here?”

Both men laughed and made small talk as Dean paid for the food and walked with the other man to a smaller compartment. Once inside, they sealed the door shut, and the real conversation began.

“So, I got your message from Sam, now you need to tell me what the hell is going on Dean.”

Dean’s face grew serious. “I need your help with a case Benny.”

Benny chuckled, trying to lighten the mood, as was his nature. “Bit off more than you can chew eh? You know I don’t ‘knot’ around. My wife would kill me.”

Dean shook his head. “It’s not that kind of job. This more protection detail. But she’s not telling me the whole story, so I need extra eyes and ears out there.”

Benny nodded. “That I can do ‘mon ami’. What do we know?”

Dean shrugged. “Not much. She walked into my office 5 hours ago, said she needed to hire me for my scent, wear my clothes, like I was her Alpha.”

Benny’s eyebrows shot up as Dean relayed what he knew, and what he’d picked up from her reactions thus far. “Sounds like she’s being forced or sold to pay a debt.” Dean nodded.

“I need you to find out everything you can Benny, quietly. YN is scared and worried, considering she’s risking her life to travel during her heat. We need to help.”

His friend nodded. “I’ll start right away Dean. Be careful my friend. This reeks of mobster or Mafia business.”

Dean patted his friend on the shoulder. “You too Benny.”

They opened the door and kissed as lovers would. It was a common cover they used when working a case together. It allowed them to go around unnoticed. The two never did anything beyond kissing, but no one else knew that. Dean made his way back to the private compartment, knocked twice, then used his key to get in.

The overwhelming scent of apple pie assaulted his nostrils, fresh baked a la mode to be exact. Dean’s eyes went red, and he turned away so YN couldn’t see them.

“Need. Alpha. Please.” Her mind couldn’t form coherent thought as she struggled to relay her need.

Dean took a deep breath and took his jacket off the chair. He walked over to the young Omega, drenched in sweat, and placed it near her. He moved to leave when she grabbed his arm, her eyes glassy and filled with an unspoken request. He knew what she wanted, but he wouldn’t do that without her consent, consent given when she wasn’t struggling with fever and half dazed. Instead, he lay down beside her, and allowed YN to scent him, breathe him in.

She calmed down somewhat, falling asleep both from exhaustion and from the relief she got. The scent bond they’d just formed calmed her down for now, but Dean wondered if it would be enough, considering this was still day 1, and if today was any indication, this was going to be hell for him. They slept, mostly without incident, only disturbed by the occasional moan. The dawn brought a higher fever, and that was a concern. That usually meant one of two things: either her body was going into shock, or her body realized he was her soulmate. He closed his eyes and breathed her scent again, and sure enough, the fresh apple pie a la mode was still there.

Fuck!

Never, in a million years, had he imagined having another chance at love after Lisa passed. The never had any pups, and their life together had been taken far too quickly. She was the reason he never tried dating, never did anything even remotely related to finding another mate. He put himself out as an Alpha for hire so he could help people without the emotional attachment.

Until now.

Until this young Omega entered his life.

Dean left the bed and changed into fresh clothes, placing his used underwear on the pillow beside her. Yeah, it was weird and unsanitary, but she needed his scent, and his shorts provided the strongest source. He checked her fever once more before quietly leaving the room and seeking out food, and of course, Benny, who was a workaholic when not at home. He found his friend and bent to kiss him before taking the seat across from him.

“Morning sunshine, sleep well?”

Benny grunted. “Funny. Fucking hilarious actually.”

Dean chuckled. “Well, next time get a bigger room and I’d be able to stay longer.” He winked at Benny, smirking at his friend’s amused expression.

“Bite me, Alpha.” Came Benny’s reply.

They laughed and ate together, then headed to Benny’s compartment for some alone time. Once they were certain they were alone, and away from prying eyes, the real questions began.

Benny spoke first. “It’s worse than our original assumptions. YN is being sold to Castiel, yes that Castiel, to pay off her uncle’s debts. Her parents died some years ago, leaving her and her younger sister in the Uncle’s care. The bastards are using the younger sister as bait, saying if YN doesn’t hold up the deal, then the 12-year-old sister will be used to settle the debt.”

Dean wanted to throw up. His eyes went dark. “I knew they were scum, that’s low, even for Castiel. I assume the sister is being kept somewhere safe?”

Benny nodded. “She’s at Castiel’s mansion, so far unharmed, and will remain so as long as YN keeps her promise.”

Dean couldn’t hold back the low growl that escaped his lips. Benny shot his friend an amused look. “Thought you’d sworn off feelings Dean.”

“This is different man. YN is my soulmate.” Benny’s jaw dropped to the ground. “Yeah, I know. How often do you get a second chance at true love?”

“So you and she…?”

Dean shook his head. “No, she’s been ok with my scent so far, but she’s getting worse. Send word to Sam. I want him and Bobby to meet us there. Bring the cavalry. Plan B-12.”

Benny near choked on his drink. “Holy Shit Dean! You’re seriously risking war with Castiel?”

Dean all but glared at his friend, and Benny held up his hands in surrender. “Fine, you’re the boss. I’ll make the necessary arrangements.”

Dean opened the compartment door as the two exchanged a deep passionate kiss. The four passengers in the hall at that moment seemed uninterested in the couple, which was exactly how they wanted it.

He returned to YN’s compartment to find the entrance blocked by two young bucks, and the scent of YN’s heat, the scent that had lured the two Alphas.

“Can I help you gentlemen?” Dean asked, firm but politely.

“Buzz off!”

Dean grabbed the collar of the first man and knocked him flat on his ass, out like a light. The second charged at Dean, but met the same fate as his friend. He sent Benny a quick text, then went in to check on YN. The moment he entered and shut the door, her eyes flashed gold, and she looked at him.

“Alpha!” she pleaded.

Dean’s eyes went scarlet as the scent of her heat broke through his defenses. In mere seconds he had crossed the room, removing his shirt and shoes along the way. He lay beside her and captured her lips with his, tongues dancing and mating. He made quick work of the buttons on his shirt, the one covering her small frame, and captured a nipple with his teeth. YN moaned, grinding her hips against his thigh, desperate for more. Dean had his jeans and shorts off in a blink of an eye, and her panties as well. Then he was there, seeking entrance, his hard cock sliding into her tight hole. He broke her barrier and bottomed out as the tip hit her cervix. Then he moved, pulling out, then thrusting back in, and she cried his name as her first climax slammed through her body. He wasn’t gentle, but he wasn’t a monster. His pace was relentless, drawing out three more orgasms from YN before he felt his knot swell, filling her with ropes of white hot cum. Her fever broke instantly as the knot stretched and filled YN, and for the first time since the train left the station, she visibly relaxed and slept.

Dean kept himself propped on his elbows so as not to squash her while he waited for his knot to deflate. Then he carefully got up and went to clean off. Once that was finished, he brought over a cloth for YN, who was beginning to stir, so she could clean off as well. She looked from him, to the cloth, then to her current state of undress, realization dawning as her hand shot to her apex, finding the evidence she feared most. Then her hand shot to her neck, but she frowned upon finding nothing there.

“No mark? You didn’t want me?” she asked, tears welling in her eyes.

Dean was immediately at her side, gathering her into his arms, both forgetting their lack of clothing for the moment. “Sweetheart, I’ve never wanted anything more in my life. But you passed out when your fever broke, and I’m too much of a gentleman to mark you while you’re unconscious.”

She blushed, then she let out a string of curses. “Oh no, my…” she started, but her eyes shot to Dean, then down at her body. “What have I done?”

She buried her face in his shoulder, Dean stroking her hair as she sobbed. “I know everything YN, who you are, why you’re going across the country, and I know about your sister.” She looked up at him. “I’m working to free her, thus freeing you.”

“But how? If anyone tries to interfere, he will hurt her or worse! I can’t let that happen!” she panicked.

“I won’t let anything happen to her. I promise. Trust me, ok? I’m very good at what I do, and this ain’t my first rodeo.”

She nodded and reached up to kiss his cheek. “I do trust you.” She said. “By the way, thank you for helping with my heat.”

“Your welcome YN. It was my pleasure.”

They laughed at that, but the moment quickly became heated as their lips found each other once more. Her tongue found its way inside his mouth, seeking its mate, and Dean was more than happy to comply. He felt his rut hit then, and knew he was done for. He growled as he shed his clean boxers, needing to be inside her once more. He slid in easily, filling her, and this time he drove hard, and she met him pound for pound. It was quick, and both Alpha & Omega came together, YN crying out as Dean’s knot filled her, swelling as it deposited ropes of cum into her belly. He lowered his head then and sank his incisors into her scent gland, claiming her as his, He dragged his tongue over the mark after, kissing it then kissing her.

She was his now. There was no way she would ever belong to Castiel. YN was a mixed bag of emotions, but happy and sated as she exchanged nibbles and small kisses with her Alpha. They rolled over, so Dean was laying with his back on the mattress, and YN was straddling him, and blanketing him with her body. They napped, waking a few hours later to beeping from Dean’s phone. His knot deflated, he gently moved her off him and went to check his message while YN cleaned up.

When YN exited the washroom, she came across Dean frowning. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

Dean sighed. “My brother managed to get the layout of Castiel’s home, and it’s quite extensive. I also got a text from my associate, he’s on the train in a different compartment. He managed to get my team together to get your sister out, but they were detained while trying to leave for the rendezvous. I’m not sure how, but I’d swear that bastard found out my plans somehow.”

“But my sister…!”

Dean calmed her down. “I promised you and your sister safety, and I meant it. One of my team is an ex cop with lots of connections. She’ll get them to the meeting point. We just have to give her some time. Trust me.”

She did. She trusted him completely. She finished getting dressed while Dean sent a few messages back and then cleaned himself up and got dressed. About 20 minutes later, there was two knocks, a pause, then two more knocks on the door. YN looked worried, but Dean motioned for her to be quiet while he checked the peek hole. He put the safety on his gun and opened the door, then locking it once Benny was inside. He brought hot meals and coffee for the three of them, and the couple sat together on the small sofa, while Benny took residence in a small chair.

“Benny, this is YN. YN, this is Benny.” The two exchanged handshakes.

“Nice to finally meet you YN.” He turned to Dean. “I assume you got the same texts I did? Did you hear back from Donna yet?”

Dean shook his head. “No, but Jody’s also on it. Between those two, I’d be surprised if they didn’t beat us there.”

Benny chuckled. “True enough mon ami. I got confirmations from Charlie, Garth, Ellen, Jo, Jack, your mom, and Bobby.”

“Sweet. Plus, there’s you, me, Sam, Jody and Donna.”

YN looked between the two men. “Um, don’t take this the wrong way, but from what I’ve heard, Castiel is Mafia, and his is one of the most dangerous organizations in the world. And you’re going to get my sister out with 12 people? You guys are seriously insane, and possibly suicidal.”

Benny and Dean exchanged glances. “Insane, definitely insane.” They said in unison.

YN shook her head as she continued to eat, silently praying that Dean would stay true to his word.

~~~

The team met up in a small café, about 10 miles from their intended target. The café was run by Ellen’s family, and was a safe house location for his team when needed. Everyone that worked there was either related to Ellen by blood, or thoroughly researched and sworn to secrecy upon hiring. It came as no surprise to either man to find the team already sitting there waiting.

They all greeted each other like family, exchanging warm hugs and chaste kisses. YN just stood there in awe, her heart swelling with admiration as she watched her Alpha with his family. When he called her over to introduce her to them, they all greeted her with the same warmth, welcoming her into their clan, as Donna put it.

“Thank all of you for agreeing to do this for me. I just hope we can get to her before Castiel finds out what happened.” YN addressed everyone.

It was Jody who answered. “Honey, it’s what we do. Besides, your part of the family now. And we always take care of our own. Always.”

They spent the rest of the night talking and making their plans, eating the most amazing food YN had ever tasted in her entire life, and then resting for the night, so as to be fresh for the morning. When the sun was barely over the horizon, YN helped get them ready to go, cooking food for them and preparing light, easy-to-carry snacks for later. She wasn’t going with them, but had written a note for Dean to give to her sister, proof that Dean was going to get her back to YN.

Mary was staying behind to protect YN, just in case, and the rest set off. Her chest ached as her Alpha went with them, and Mary couldn’t help but notice her concern. It was written all over her face.

“YN, there’s no need to worry. This team is more than capable of getting in and out safely, with your sister alive and in one piece,” she said gently.

“How? I saw those specs. I know how locked down that compound is. I saw the thermal imaging Mary. That group of 11 is vastly outnumbered.”

Mary smiled. “I’d be more concerned for Castiel’s men. Trust me.”

YN grabbed some tea and sat down at the dining table, and motioned for Mary to sit with her. “Dean seemed to know Castiel, but he wouldn’t tell me anything about how he knew him.” She sighed. “I have only known your son for a couple of days, but I love him. He’s strong and so confident.”

“He’s always been like that, except one time, before you came into his life.” YN watched Mary with piqued interest. “Dean will probably tell you eventually, once he knows your safe, but you should be aware of this part of his past. Especially since it concerns Dean’s first wife, and it also concerns Castiel.”

YN frowned. Mary continued. “Dean fell in love with an Omega named Lisa. They were classmates in high school, and dated off and on for the next 5 years after, before finally getting married. Dean was beyond happy, they were good together. She was kind and sweet, a lot like you actually, but it didn’t stay happy.”

“What happened?” YN asked.

“Lisa followed her heart when she married Dean, and went against her family’s wishes for her. She was to marry Castiel, and unite their families. Cas didn’t take well to Dean’s interference, and arranged for a car accident, one that killed Lisa instantly while she was driving home from a doctor’s appointment. The autopsy found her to be 12 weeks pregnant. She and Dean were going to be parents.”

YN’s jaw dropped. “Oh my god. That’s horrible. How does he know Castiel did it?”

“Dean is ex-military, and an ex-cop, as are his brother and his team, in some form or another. They met throughout the years, teaming up on various assignments, and eventually became a regular team. The team officially formed while Lisa and Dean were still dating.”

YN was officially wowed, at a loss for words, and could only stare as Mary continued. “Dean had done some ‘investigating’ and eventually tied everything together. Of course there was no official proof, so he couldn’t go to the police with what he’d discovered. I wouldn’t be surprised if Dean sought out and killed Castiel.”

YN nodded as she took another sip of her coffee, staring out the window and praying that her alpha returned with her sister, both in one piece.

~~~

The team arrived at the compound, gaining the high ground quickly, so they could scout the terrain. Garth, nicknamed the Ninja by the team for his stealth, went ahead to scout the area around the fortress. Jody, took count of all the visible guards, there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that more could be hiding in the shadows, and made approximate calculations for hidden ones, based on the layout. Donna, or ‘sharpshooter’, set up her post, making sure her tripod was stable and her gun and ammo ready for anything. Gun wasn’t really an accurate description for ‘Junior’, Donna’s Mk 21 was a modern ‘bolt action’ sniper rifle, military grade, and completely badass. Her cartridges carried .338 Norma Magnum rounds, and she never missed a shot, ever.

Sam and Dean took in the view, each mentally pairing it with the schematics they’d seen, and mapping a route in and out based on that information. Everyone else locked and loaded their weapons, made sure they had lots of ammo, Jo having brought along her own special handmade ‘Molotov cocktails’, which were in a class all their own. They were better than any grenade on the planet, and had saved the team’s asses more times than anyone could count. Dean never asked what was in them, and Jo never volunteered the info. It was better that way.

Garth returned an hour later, reporting there were 8 guards outside the walls. He drew a small diagram pinpointing each one, and their routes. As dusk approached, the team began to make their way down to the west wall, where a storm drain awaited them, their way into the grounds. They made quick work of the two guards on that side, then slipped into the sewer system and proceeded toward the mansion. It was impressive in size, comparable to Windsor castle in England, but that wasn’t a deterrent, if anything, it was like an invitation to the team, daring them to break in, and they loved a challenge.

The waste tunnel brought them to the servant kitchen, which was thankfully empty at that hour, and the 10 team members regrouped there. They split into groups of two: Jo and Ellen, Garth and Bobby, Benny and Jody, Jack and Charlie, then Sam and Dean. The plan was to scout the interior for the girl and meet back at that spot in one hour, the meeting time was set in stone, even if they hadn’t found the girl. Should that be the case, they would set out a second time, widening the search parameters, and would continue to meet back at the same spot every hour until the objective had been completed.

Radio silence was a must, everything that needed to be communicated was done through sign language. The first hour went without any sign of the girl. All parties had been sent a picture of YN’s sister, so there would be no mistaking what she looked like. It was half way into the second hour that Dean spotted a young lady peeking out of her bedroom door, looking scared, but desperate. He motioned to Sam, and the two of them waited for signs of guards. Once they saw none, they approached the girl, who was now coming back from the washroom. She looked frightened at first, as if she thought she was in trouble, but Dean quickly motioned for her to stay quiet as he showed her the note her sister had written.

Hey sis,

These men are here to rescue you. They are good people, and you can trust them. They will bring you back to me, and we will be safe from the bad men. Go with them now. Love you lots. See you soon.

PS. My bear is bigger than your bear.

Neither Sam or Dean had any clue what the last statement meant, but one look at the young girl’s face told the guys she knew. YN and her sister had a code phrase that would let the other know they were safe. And it worked. YN’s sister nodded her trust to Dean, then took both their hands and pulled toward her room. They walked silently and quickly, and helped grab some shoes and clothes, then the girl’s favorite stuffed animal. After they had grabbed what they could, they made their way back to the servant kitchen. Dean motioned for Sam to go ahead and he’d catch up, which made Sam give Dean the glare of disapproval. He knew what Dean was up to, and silently voiced his displeasure.

But he was stubborn if nothing else, and the girl’s safety was of the utmost importance, so Sam obeyed his older brother, and took the sister to meet the others. Dean went in a different direction, running through the layout of the house in his head once more, searching for one specific wing. The one that had the master suite.

The one that had Castiel safely tucked away.

Dean was going to kill him.

It took less than five minutes to reach the targeted wing, and another two to dispatch the guards that roamed that hallway. Another minute found Dean inside the bedroom of his mortal enemy. He watched Castiel’s sleeping form, contemplating whether he should just shoot him now, or wake him first and make him watch as he put the gun to his temple. If he woke Cas, there would almost certainly be a struggle, and possibly more guards, which would severely decrease Dean’s chances of making it out of here alive. He knew his team would ensure the girl’s safety, and get her out quickly, so that was one less thing to worry about. But if he didn’t dispatch Cas now, then the bastard would find someone else’s life to ruin, or exploit, or just torment for fun.

He raised the gun, aiming for the temple. He would give him a quick death, hell, he wouldn’t even know it happened. Then Cas opened his eyes, sitting up as he realized what had happened, and what he now faced. His eyes met Dean’s, glistening with unspoken tears, of a time and place neither had ever spoken about since it happened.

“Hello Dean.” He whispered.

“Cas.”

“So this is it? The feud finally ends?”

“Guess so.” Dean replied.

“And the girl? You already got her out I assume?”

“Yeah, she’s safe. And so is YN.”

“Good.” Was all Cas said as his tears began to fall. “I’m sorry for everything Dean. I really wish things had turned out differently.”

Dean’s resolve waivered. “I do too Cas. If I could go back to not knowing who you were, and go back to that weekend, I would in a heartbeat.”

Cas gave a weak smile. “So would I.” He paused. “Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Do me a favor, and kill that bastard YN calls an Uncle. He was going to sell me an innocent 12-year-old girl as payment if YN failed to uphold the arrangement.” He cast his gaze downward to the bedcovers. “I wouldn’t have done that, you know, hurt a young girl like that. Just the idea makes me sick.”

Dean nodded. “I know. I promise to make sure that asshole never sees daylight again.”

“Thank you Dean.”

Drops of salty tears blurred Dean’s vision as he raised the gun once more and pulled the trigger.

~~~

The hour was almost up when Dean ran into the kitchen, meeting a group of relieved faces, and together they all high tailed it out. Running through the sewers, making sure YN’s sister was in tow, the group made their way back to the wall drain, then up and out to the fresh air. Benny offered the young traveller a piggy back, while Jody carried her things. Donna was all packed up and ready to go by the time the group reached the hilltop, and then they all made their way back to the café.

YN saw her sister from the window, and ran out to greet her. Anna ran to YN, tears of joy streaming down her face as they hugged furiously. Everyone watched happily as the two sisters embraced. Then YN moved to embrace her Alpha, meeting Dean’s lips halfway as he sought a kiss from her. He chuckled at the plaid shirt she wore, one of his, thinking he would let her wear all his clothes. They looked much sexier on her than they did on him. The entire group went inside the restaurant and shared a hearty meal together, relaxing and collectively congratulating themselves on a job well done.

~~~

Castiel hadn’t move much since Dean had left the room. He stared at the bullet hole in his pillow, then at his phone, waiting for news, any news at this point. It had been well over three hours, something must have happened. His panic mode was just surfacing when his phone dinged, and a text came through. Relief washed over Cas as he read the words.

“Made it back. Everyone’s safe. See you soon husband. xoxo Sam.”

@legion1993 @akshi8278 @alwaysdreamingforthebest

#spnabobingo #spngenrebingo #spndeanbingo #spnkinkbingo #dean x reader

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squirrel-moose-winchester · 5 years

Text

Falling for the Holidays Ch. 28

Title: Falling for the Holidays Ch. 28

Pairing: Dean x Reader AU

Word Count: 1629

Series Summary: With October ending and the holidays underway, that only meant one thing for Dean Winchester. It meant returning to his childhood home and spending time with his family. It meant listening to his parents, especially his mom, ramble on and on about when he was going to find himself a nice girl, bring her home for the holidays, and then eventually get married and have children. However, Dean wasn’t ready for that sort of commitment, so in order to get his family off his back, he comes up with an elaborate scheme! But like the saying goes, “sometimes lies become truths.”

Warnings: Smidge of angst (like it’s barely there), and Fluff!

A/N: Holy smokes, I am so sorry it’s taken me five-ever to get the new chapter out! Please forgive me and please enjoy the chapter!! Happy Reading!! xx

The next day, you slowly swam to consciousness as Dean’s scent swarmed around you. There was no hint of Clorox or rubbing alcohol, just Dean entirely. It provided a type of calmness and safety that you’d never felt before other than when around the green-eyed man. You reached over to his side, needy for some physical contact, but instead was greeted with cold empty sheets. Groaning, you lazily pushed yourself up into a seated position, bleary eyes scanning the room. Seconds later, with clear vision, you noticed that everything looked the same as always, nothing out of the ordinary.

Getting up from bed, you shuffled your way to the bathroom, locking the door behind you and emptying your bladder, then brushing your teeth, followed by twirling your hair into a sloppy bun atop your head, disregarding brushing your sleep-tangled locks. As you placed the hair tie in place, your eyes caught glimpse of the beige bandage on your forehead. At that moment, everything that happened came flooding back to the forefront of your mind.

It wasn’t a dream!

Overcome with panic, you rushed out of the bathroom and into the hallway, spinning on your heels as you took in your surrounding. Your eyes widened once you realized that you weren’t at the hospital. You were back at the Winchester home! Why? How? Dean?!

From where you stood in the hallway, just outside of Dean’s childhood bedroom, you could see the blinking red numbers of his old alarm clock. It was a little past noon and your sanity could barely keep up with what was going on. This was definitely not dream! If it were, you wouldn’t have the bandage on your head. Or maybe it was, and you got the injury while you fainted… or something?

Without a care of what you looked like, drowning in one of Dean’s flannel shirt and short sleeping shorts that hid beneath your top, you dashed down stairs, preparing to brace yourself for whatever you were going to be greeted with.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs, everything just kind of hit you all at once, as if your brain was finally able to function properly. The smell of cookies filled the house, the lights on the Christmas tree was on, but there was no one around except for one person sitting in John’s allocated armchair… but it wasn’t John. You knew who it was the instant you laid eyes on them. You could recognize the back of his head anywhere, and the shape of his broad shoulders. There was no doubt in your mind.

“Dean?”

Dean’s head turned slightly at the call of his name, a smile stretching across his cheeks. “Merry Christmas, Sweetheart.”

Tears filled your eyes and quickly cascaded down your cheeks. You didn’t know where everyone was, but that didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered was that Dean was here. He was home. He wasn’t in that hospital; he was here with you.

“Y-You’re here…” you muttered, hastily stopping right in front of him.

“Yeah,” he whispered, eyes following your movements. “The doctors said that I should stay at the hospital for another day, but said since it was Christmas, spending time with the family and my best girl would be a better environment for healing. I just gotta take it easy,” he smiled, “really easy,” he bit his bottom lip, eying you up and down, “so no sex for a while,” he grumbled with a pout, grabbing hold of your hand and tugging you a step closer, so that you were standing between his legs.

“I’m glad your feeling better,” you giggled, rolling your eyes at his joke. Leave it to him to make a sex joke during a serious moment.

Silence ensued and you allowed yourself to get lost in the feeling of being in the same room as him and not at the hospital. With an affectionate smile on your lips, you took the time to watch and observe him, making sure that this was all real. You reached out your hand, cupping his cheek as you used your thumb to brush over the stubble that had grown over the days. He was handsome. Always so handsome.

Dean leaned into your touch, relishing in the warmth your hand provided. He’d missed you. He wished he could hold you and love you properly, show you low much you mean to him. God, he was in love with you, and he couldn’t recall if it was a dream or not, but he could have sworn there was talk about marriage back at the hospital. He remembered someone saying that he needed to wake up if he wanted to marry you, and damn… not marrying you would be the biggest regret in his entire life. If waking up meant you’d spend the rest of your life with him, then he had no other choice… he had to wake up.

A smiled spread on your delicate features, admiration exuding in your expression for the man sitting in front of you. He was real. This was real. He was right there, nuzzling his scruffy face into your unscathed palm. Having Dean here with you, by you side, was the best Christmas gift you could have ever hoped for. He was the best gift in your entire life that you could have hoped for. You were convinced that God had made him for you and you for him. He brought the both of you through multiple trials of hell, only to prove that this thing between you and Dean was the real deal. He’s your soulmate.

“I love you,” you blurted, eyes still misty with adoration.

Dean’s green orbs locked with yours and he grinned. “I love you too.” He pulled at your hand again, pulling you even closer towards him, but you hastily and regretfully stopped, standing your ground as your shin hit the soft cushions of the armchair. “Baby…” he protested.

“The Doc said you had to take it easy.”

“Sitting on my lap isn’t going to kill me,” he dragged at your hand again.

“As much as I want to, I’m not taking that chance,” you jerked your hand away, “you’re still healing and I’m not looking to make things worse.”

“Please.” His voice was soft and his eyes even softer. “I just want to hold you. I need you in my arms. Please…”

How could you possibly resist him? There was no way you could say no, especially when he asked so tenderly. “Brat,” you hissed, the corner of your lips tipping upwards.

“You love me,” Dean cooed, happy to get his way.

Carefully, you sat on his lap, eyes scanning his every feature. His hair is mostly tamed, eyes greener than usual, nose a little red from the cold of winter, lips frosty pink, and the only freckles on his face that you can see are dusting across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. The scruff clinging to his jaw only added to his handsomeness. If there was one word to describe the man that held your heart, it would be beautiful… inside and out.

“More than you can imagine,” you grinned, leaning in to press a gentle kiss on his lips.

Dean let out a content sigh, not realizing how much he needed that. His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer and deepening the kiss. This was his heaven.

The sound of someone clearing their throat interrupted the moment, and you couldn’t help but giggle as you pulled away from a disappointed Dean. “I thought the Doctor said to take it easy?” Sam teased, arms crossed and leaning on the entry way of the kitchen and common room.

“Sammy, you always have the worst timing,” Dean groaned.

“Well, mom is getting antsy—”

“Liar,” Jess popped out of no where. “Don’t blame your mother,” she chides, lightly slapping Sam on his arm. “This guy is the one getting antsy. He wants to open presents,” she reveals as Sam’s face grew red.

Dean chuckled, shaking his head. “Some things never change, huh Sammy?”

“Shut up. You’re lucky your injured, otherwise I’d have to show you up and kick your ass,” Sam groused.

“Alright you two, stop your bickering,” Mary appeared, a large tray of cookies in her hands. Behind her, came John with a few glasses of milk in his hands, and much to your surprise, everyone else started filtering into the living room from behind him.

“Everyone is still here!” You chirped, excitedly and heart filled with fluttering warmth.

“Well, duh. It’s Christmas,” Jo beamed. “Besides, we’re already here. And… Aunt Mary’s cookies are too good to resist!”

“She’s not wrong!” Benny appeared, shoving a cookie into his already stuffed mouth.

A chorus of laughs filled the room before Mary instructed everyone to take a seat in the living room. As time went by, and presents were opened, you couldn’t help but feel thoroughly content. If someone were to ask you what Christmas joy sounded and looked like, it would be everything in this moment. The laughter, chattering, and all the bright smiles surrounding you.

“Did you like your gifts?” You twisted in your seat on the floor, between Dean’s legs.

“Yeah, but none of them compares to the one sitting in front of me,” he admits with a smirk.

You roll your eyes in response, giggling at his cheesiness. “Wow, you’re such a sap.”

“Only for you Sweetheart.” He winks.

Hopping onto your feet, you carefully resume your seat on Dean’s lap. “I love you,” you say, leaning in and giving him a quick peck.

“I love you.”

A chorus of protests and moaning and groaning interrupts the moment once again, but this time you and Dean can’t help but laugh.

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themoonandotherslikeit · 5 years

Text

The Hand That Reaches for God -Chapter 15

Warnings: Mention of rape

Chapter Fifteen

“Nothing haunts us like the things we don’t say.” - Mitch Alborn

-18 Days After-

in books and movies, when two people fall in love everything falls into places like dominoes in a perfect line. No tile falls before the one proceeding it, and they all make a perfect picture. That’s what it was like for Pheli and Sam. They fell into place effortlessly.

Her legs rested over his as they sat with their backs against a log facing the fire. He had an arm around her, and his fingers drummed against her arm to the music.

“That was bad, don’t you think?” She asked against his neck, placing a kiss below his ear.

“What was?” Sam asked absentmindedly watching the fire.

“Lisa.” She hissed.

“Oh.” He sighed. “That.”

“Yeah, that.”

“She really did a number on Dean.”

Ophelia looked at Sam and put her finger under his chin, prompting him to look at her. “Do you think he still has feelings for her?”

“I don’t know.” Sam said with a sigh.

“Things have just seemed to be going well for him and Emerson...”

“Hey.” Sam said, taking her hand in his. “It’ll work out. He’s always had a torch for Em. We just need to let them work it out.”

Pheli poked out her bottom lip instinctively. “I know, but she’s my sister. I want to protect her.”

“I know you do.” He kissed her hair. “But they’re adults. We shouldn’t meddle.”

“You’re no fun.”

“Tell me about it.” He grinned widely at her, before humming along to whatever song Benny was singing.

Ophelia’s eyes locked on her sister. Emerson sat next to a guy that Pheli had yet to meet, she looked relaxed with a beer in her hand. She knew Sam was right, but it didn’t stop her from wanting to smack Dean silly for letting her walk away. When it’s real you don’t walk away. Didn’t he have a romantic bone in his body?

Sam leaned over to Benny and whispered something too low for Pheli to hear.

“Sure, brother.” Benny responded before starting up a new song.

Her ears perked up, and she turned to look at her boyfriend, who was grinning ear to ear. “You didn’t.”

“Turns out he takes requests.”

“You are so lame.”

“You love me.”

“I do.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed Sam right on the lips. She knew that no matter what happened, Sam wouldn’t walk away from her. He wouldn’t be the one leaving.

“I’m accidentally in love.” Sam sang softly against her lips, holding his palm against her cheek.

-4 Years Before-

“Come on, Phel. This is our chance. It’s not too late for her to get another room mate.”

“No, Samuel! Do I have to say it a thousand times?” Ophelia asked, turning back to the truck that they were using to move into the dorms. The couple was having a stare off. Her arms were crossed tightly at her chest, and Sam’s hands were in his pockets. Despite his height, he wasn’t nearly intimidating enough to ever win against her.

“I just...” He sighed and took her fingers in his hands. “We have been together for a long time... it’s time for us to take the next step, don’t you think?”

Pheli melted a little, loosening her arms so he could take her hand properly. “You know I want to live with you.”

“Then do it!” He whined.

“Sam I can’t. Em and I have always been together. She needs me, you know? I can’t just abandon her for a guy.”

“I’m not just a guy.”

“I know you aren’t, honey, that isn’t what I’m saying.”

“I know it’s not.” He sighed, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. He kissed the top of her head. “I knew what I was getting into when I asked you out. The Maklen twins were always a package.”

She kissed the base of his throat. “It won’t be forever. Eventually she will find someone that she wants to live with...”

Sam pulled back a bit to capture her lips in his. “Don’t tell me that’s why you wanted her and Dean together so badly.”

She laughed humorlessly. “You aren’t the only one dating someone codependent, Sam. I figured the two of them and the two of us would be... I don’t know? Magical isn’t the right word...”

“Convenient?”

Pheli cracked a smile and nodded. “Yeah, that is the word.”

“Can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink, Phel.”

“I really don’t appreciate that metaphor, Sam.”

“Sorry.”

“It was all going fine until Dean had to disappear into the fucking night.” She complained, pulling away from the hug to grab her bag from the back of the truck. “Emerson won’t even acknowledge that there was ever anything going on, but I’m not blind, you know?”

“She probably just needs time.” Sam said with a wince. “I know I do.”

“I’m sorry.” Pheli sighed. “I didn’t mean to bring it up like that. Have you heard from him?”

“Gotten some letters.”

“Good. At least he’s writing someone.”

Sam grabbed a box and smiled at her. “Emerson’s a great girl, she won’t be alone forever. I know it would’ve been cool if her and Dean would’ve worked out, trust me. I want him to be happy, but not everyone finds their soulmate when they’re in high school.”

“I guess not.” She said sadly, before kissing him again. “Maybe not everyone is this lucky.”

“The odds of winning the lottery are pretty low, Phel.” He grinned, two dimples making an appearance on his cheek.

She poked one and let herself smile. “Let’s go. I’m sure Em thinks we hid out somewhere to have sex.”

“Maybe we should live up to that stereotype.”

“Shh, you.” Pheli pointed at him with a warning.

He laughed brightly and the couple walked away from the truck, toward the dorms, and into a new chapter.

****

“You didn’t have to kick Sam out.” Emerson said, hanging up her clothes in the closet.

“Sure I did.” Pheli said, organizing her makeup on her desk. “This is our first night on our own. Our first night of freedom! No boys allowed, just the Maklen sister’s against the world!” She spun dramatically in her desk chair.

“Looks like you have a lot of expectations for tonight.”

“I do.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“Anything... everything!”

Emerson smiled at her sister, but behind her dark eyes was a deeper longing that Pheli knew that she wouldn’t be able to fill. “I don’t know, Phel. Maybe you should call Sam. I’m tired, and I have a lot of unpacking to do.”

“So let’s unpack.” She said quickly, fumbling in her bag. She pulled out a bottle of vodka and shook it. “We can make a drinking game out of it!”

“As tempting as that is.” Emerson said with a sour face, her upper lip curled and her nose wrinkling.

“Come on, Em. I know you’re sad but...”

“I’m not sad.” She cut Pheli off. “I’m tired. I told you. I just... I want to get settled in. We’re starting over. I just need a night.”

Pheli looked at her sister. Her shoulders were tight and her eyes looked swollen from lack of sleep. Her blonde hair was tossed lazily into a bun on top of her head. “Okay. We can put on some movies and unpack? Order in?”

Emerson smiled, letting out a sigh of relief. “That’d be great.”

“Why don’t you go on a coffee run, and I’ll find all the best DVD’s?”

“Sure.” Em said, grabbing her purse. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Sounds good.” She gave her sister a thumbs up as the door latched behind her.

She knew the DVD’s were in one of Emerson’s boxes, and she lowered herself to the floor so she could start rifling through them. The first box seemed to be all clothes, so she pushed it away. The second had books on top, so it seemed like a possible option. She moved the first few books away and squinted as a white envelope fell out of one of the books. “What...”

It was a letter from Dean. The fold lines were perfectly preserved, despite the fact that it’d obviously been read dozens of times at least. “He wrote to you after all.” She said, carefully unfolding the page. She knew it was a complete invasion of privacy, but she couldn’t help herself. She couldn’t put on the breaks for long enough to talk herself out of it.

Em,

Shit, I don’t know what to say. I’m on the bus to Basic Training. A fucking bus, and all I can think about is the sky. I’m sure it sounds weird, but hear me out, okay? I’m lookin out the window, and we are in the middle of nowhere so there are hundreds of stars. It looks like glitter was just thrown onto a piece of black paper. You should see this sky, Em. I never really realized how many stars there were. I knew, well of course I knew that there were a lot, but it never really clicked before now. Sometimes I think it takes me a little longer to get things, maybe I got hit one too many times growing up.

We are under the same sky, Em. You and me. When I look at the moon I’m gonna always think about you lookin up at it, too. What’s it look like there? I had to have seen it a million times, but fuck if I remember it now. I’m always lettin things pass me by. Maybe I’ll stop doing that. I know it ain’t fair for me to do that now of all times, but I can still think it. I probably never really saw the sky when I was home. I looked, sure, but I don’t think I ever saw it. I wanna see it now. Just tell me it’s not too late. Please. I’ve gotta know I didn’t fuck it all up.

I keep thinkin about last night on the roof. I should’ve... I guess it doesn’t matter what I should’ve done. It only matters what I did, and I’m sorry, Em. I’m always lettin you down, and you’re the best person I know. I don’t want to let you down anymore. I wanna be stable, like the moon and those stars. They’re always there, ya know? Whether we can see them or not.

Dean

Pheli held the letter to her chest. Emerson never told her about it. She looked back down at it, before folding it carefully and placing it back in the pages of the book. She wanted to know if she wrote him back, if there were more letters hidden somewhere. Turned out there was a romantic bone in Dean’s body and it was a damn good one. That was a love letter. It was poetic and beautiful, and Pheli found herself a little jealous. She couldn’t believe, after everything, that Em would keep it to herself.

Her head shot up when Emerson unlocked the door to their dorm. “Hey, good news, there’s a coffee cart really close. We really got the good dorm.” She said brightly before stopping in her tracks. “Phel? Shit, are you okay?”

Pheli didn’t realize that there was a tear rolling down her cheek until Emerson knelt down to wipe it. “I’m... I want you to be happy, no matter what.”

“Hey.” Emerson said with a smile. “I am happy. We are at college. A fresh start, right?”

“But is that what you want? You want to start all over?”

Emerson’s eyes flickered down to the book in Pheli’s hands and up to her eyes. She looked into the eyes of her sister’s. It was much like looking into her own. “We have to keep moving forward.” She said, finally. “All going backwards can do it hurt.”

“You’re sure?”

She gave Pheli a single nod. “Yeah. I’m sure.”

“Okay.” She said, placing the book back into the box. “Now which box is Pretty in Pink in because I need Molly Ringwald in my life now.”

“Over here.” Emerson smiled gratefully. “The box that’s labeled movies.”

Pheli raised an eyebrow. “Labels. That’s really smart, college girl. I’ve got a lot to learn from you.”

“Let’s start with coffee and go from there.”

“Deal.”

-18 Days After-

“Let’s call it a night.” Sam said with a yawn. “Dean’s been alone at the tree too long, I’m sure I’ll be sleeping in the dirt. He’s a notorious bed hog.”

“Aw, you miss sleeping with me?”

“I miss sleeping with you the moment we get out of bed.”

“You’re too cute for your own good.” She placed a kiss on his chin.

“So I’ve been told.”

“I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Count on it.” He gave her one more peck before jogging back over to his brother, whose back was now to the campfire.

Pheli stretched and walked toward the tent, passing the guy who was sitting with Emerson, who she knew now was Gordon Walker. He avoided her look as she passed him, and her skin ran cold in response. Her stomach twisted as she pushed through the flaps of the tent.

Emerson laid on her side with her back facing Pheli. Even in the low light she could make out the red that came out from under her sisters blanket. “Oh my god.” She rushed to her sister, kneeling down. “Em?”

She opened her eyes to face Pheli. She looked completely broken. Her face was wilted and her bottom lip trembled. She was impossibly small, like a child. Her lips were swollen along with the skin under her eyes. “What did that motherfucker do to you?” She asked, holding Emerson’s face.

She propped herself up, wiping snot off her face with the back of her hand. She gripped the sheets in her lap. “Nothing.”

“We should get you checked out... you’re bleeding...”

Emerson looked up, meeting her sisters eyes. “I’m fine. Everything is fine.”

There was something unspoken between the twins. Their mother was convinced that they were telepathic. That they spoke inside of their minds. That moment was no exception. Pheli read her sister loud and clear.

She took her sisters hand. “Can we sleep together tonight? I’m scared, and I don’t want to sleep alone.”

“Of course.” Emerson said, and Pheli stood slowly, helping her sister up. Em stood on shaking legs, exposing wet blood on the inside of her thighs. Ophelia’s jaw set tightly.

“I can’t wait for a bath. I heard they have some kind of set up here. It’ll be nice.”

“Yeah.” Emerson agreed as they both rested on Pheli’s small pallet. They laid nose to nose under the blanket. Her hands where on Emerson’s hips protectively.

“I’m here for you.” She whispered into the darkness.

“I know.”

He is going to pay. She thought angrily.

“Phel?” Em asked, her voice barely a breath. “Don’t tell him.”

“He cares about you, Em. I can tell he does.”

“Just... don’t tell him.” Her voice broke and it took her a few moments of silence to get her breathing controlled again.

“I won’t. Okay? I promise I won’t.” Pheli hugged her sister closer, letting Emerson bury her face in her neck.

They had separate beds since they were out of their crib, but no matter how old they were they always ended up in the same bed, pressed together like when they were in the womb. It was comforting. It slowed their heart rates and made them calm. It helped them sleep.

There was no sleep for Pheli that night. Her eyes were still glued on her sleeping sister when Castiel and Meg stumbled into the tint, trying their best to be quiet, and they were open still when the morning sun bled in through the flaps in the tent.

-25 Days After-

They were getting into the swing of things at the camp. It was a fortress against evil with large gates and bolts that required keys and a security badge to open. If Emerson talked to Dean, she didn’t tell her sister about it. As far as Pheli was concerned they weren’t even on the same hemisphere.

Emerson was different. She didn’t have to tell Pheli what happened for her to know, and Gordon had done the smart thing and stayed the fuck away. Castiel went on a supply run midweek and came across some materials to fashion the girls a small tent. Sam and Dean were bunking with Garth and Benny. Sam’s feet stuck out of the end of the tent, and although not ideal, it was better than nothing.

The two sisters took up running once Pheli’s ankle was healed. The running seemed to help Emerson. After a run she would smile and look up. They were getting stronger. They’d soon get an assignment to help around camp. There hadn’t been any Rogues in sight since they’d came to the camp, and that was enough for Pheli to make it feel like home.

“You’re getting fast.” Emerson panted, with her hands on her knees. They’d just finished a run around camp. They were still slow, but Pheli was picking up on it quickly and getting better every day.

“I was made to run!” She teased, wiping sweat off her forehead. “I’m going to go see if I can get us some lunch. Meet back at the tent?”

“Sounds good.” Emerson said with a nod, her head still practically between her knees.

Pheli turned and used the rest of her energy to jog toward the main building, next to the medical one. That’s where they sorted through food and determined meals.

“Hey!”

Shit.

“Slow down Sonic, Jesus.” Dean said, grabbing her shoulder.

Pheli turned, elbowing him in the jaw. “Oh my god, Dean!?” Her hands flew to her mouth.

“Damn, Rocky.” He said, rubbing where she hit him.

“Sorry, you snuck up on me.”

“Remind me to announce myself by name next time.”

“Hey.” Pheli snapped. “It’s never been safe for women, now especially. Those self defense classes are finally going to pay off.”

“I’d like to see a Rogue try to take you on. You’d knock their head clean off with that elbow.” He said with a wide grin.

“Very funny.”

“I thought so.”

“I’m leaving now.” She said, turning on her heels.

“Wait.” He said, quietly, desperately.

“What?” She glanced over her shoulder.

“Em won’t see me. I’ve tried. When I walk toward her she runs in the other direction. I want to give her space...”

“So give it to her.”

“I want to. I’m just worried.”

“You seem really worried when you’re hanging out with Lisa.”

“I didn’t ask her to... this isn’t about Lisa. Things are over between us. They have been for a long time.” Dean said, running his fingers through his hair. It was getting shaggy. “I just wanna talk to her.”

“I’ll tell her you were asking. I just don’t think she’s ready.” Pheli said, her heart aching for Dean and for her sister. She didn’t want things to be over for them. They seemed happy.

“Thanks.” He said, and he watched her go.

Love was a fickle thing. It causes weak knees, and yet it expects you to stand. Pheli suspected that was why there were two people involved in love. They can help each other stay upright. Maybe that’s why it was called falling. Emerson was out on a tightrope teetering and threatening to fall with no promise of a net below. Pheli was doing her best, but she suspected that nothing would change until they got away from Gordon.

She pushed into the kitchen area, and right into a meeting. Everyone turned and looked at her. “Sorry.” She said, raising a hands “Don’t mean to interrupt.”

“Why not?” Someone complained, glancing back at her. “It is your fault. We have four more mouths to feed. We are running out of food! We need to do another run.”

“It’s too dangerous.” Castiel said through gritted teeth. “We need to take space between our runs so the Rogues can disperse. We don’t want them catching our location.”

“It won’t matter if they find us if we are starved!” Someone else chimed in.

“This isn’t up for discussion.” Castiel snapped.

“Who made you God?!”

“I’ll go, Cas. You know I can take down those motherfuckers.” Gordon said, standing with a sneer.

“Me too.” Pheli chimed in before she could stop herself. “You’re right, it was my group that added more people to feed. We want to pull our weight. I’ll go with Gordon.”

He turned to her with narrowed eyes and she smiled at him wickedly.

“Fine.” Castiel said with a sigh. “I’ll get another pair of volunteers and you’ll go out tomorrow at sunrise.”

“Aye aye captain.” She said turning to leave. She pushed out into the heat of the Summer day, her heart pounding.

What did I just do?

Seeing him stand up there in front of her completely unphased by what he’d done made Pheli see red. Her heart was pounding in her ears, and she was ready to lose it. The idea of being alone with him was enough to cause her impulse to jump into action before she could realize that she was going to be out in the field with the Rogues and with a known rapist.

She closed her eyes and pressed her palms to her knees to catch her breath. Sam was going to kill her. Emerson was going to kill her. She couldn’t tell either of them. They’d try to stop her, and that was her once chance to confront him. She needed to make things right for her sister. If they were going to stay there, they needed to feel safe. Sam always told her that she shouldn’t interfere, that she shouldn’t put her nose in her sisters business, but she couldn’t stop. It wasn’t in her. She knew that when she loved someone she wouldn’t stop fighting for them. Especially when they couldn’t fight for themselves.

-4 Years Ago-

Dear Dean,

I am not supposed to be writing this. It’s inappropriate, but I can’t stop my pen, so here we are. Em didn’t share with me the letter you sent to her, and I think it’s because she’s scared.

There’s a risk when you fall in love. When you care for someone you give them a piece of yourself and you trust them not to hurt you. I don’t know what happened between both of you, but I’m asking you to not give up on her. Because you’re right, Dean, the moon is always there. No matter what you do. No matter how many times it hides behind clouds or shadow. It’s even there when the sun is out. If what you feel is like the moon, then it won’t go away just because you want it to. It won’t go away just because she asked you to.

I guess what I’m saying is, the sky looks beautiful, Dean. It’s a little dull right now, but the stars will sparkle again. Sometimes it just takes time, and it’s worth the wait. Trust me.

Ophelia Maklen

—————

Chapter Sixteen

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