#Big blocky earrings helped with that :D

[hulloitsdani]

Behold! The homies! The squad tm!

After going on that Ted Talk about my fun with implementing more shape language to FEH character designs, I thought it'd be cool if I provided clearer examples of me doing so! And also reveal my bias towards drawing Anna because WOW girly stupid easy for me. No thoughts. Head empty. Got her perfect first try. Which is a godsent when I typically gotta redraw Alfonse's hair 30 times before I land on something I like and this time was NO EXCEPTION. She is simply a treat and gives me happy chemical. They all do. It's why I draw em.

On that note, this drawing ain't the gospel I live by. It ain't a character sheet by any means. This is mostly an experiment for fun! I'm constantly tweaking as I get more familiar with their shapes and commit more of their design to muscle memory.

[floofeh-purpi]

Getting isekai'd?! (Part 5)

Sagau! Genshin Fatui x Gn! Reader (ft. Your bsf)

『Beloved fluffball/s mentioned below! 💜』

@justmare @mc-cos-charm

☆

Warnings: Your bsf's a gremlin and a simp for u, swearing, grammatical/spelling errors, ooc 🤠👈, oh shit I accidentally posted this unfinished uhmmm if u saw this not cooked yet no u didnt, you being a bit of a sassy little shit, mentions of your vitiligo A G A I N, your bsf almost getting caught have feelings for you by uhm... you, I FORGOT YOUR DOG EXISTED IN PROBABLY THE LAST 2 CHAPTERS IM SORRY, you and ur bsf being a duo, my shitty attempts at making you laugh

【Part 4】

☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

"In their eyes, you are sweeter than honey. Your smile more radiant than the shine of the golden sun. Your eyes reflecting the light like precious stars in the night sky. The marks of Vitiligo on your skin like a celestial map that is to be cherished." By their I meant the harbingers and pretty much everyone in Teyvat. Also guys I tried my best on this part pls forgive me. 😔🙌

★

"Finally those people left." Y/b/f/n thought before happily skipping their way into the 2nd floor and into your room because I imagined their the type to do this shit💀🤚 totally because they defenitely didnt wanna hang out mess with you.

☆

"N/nnnnn?" Your bsf called out your name before pouting when you weren't there. "Wharrr?" You sassily replied back before coming out of the bathroom. "Oh there you areeee, can we play together pleaseee~ 🥺👉👈" Y/b/f/n pleaded, you couldnt help but laugh. You just had to. Like bro look at them, they look like a puppy (you meant that affectionately). "Of course why not." Little do you know, you practically accepted having an e-date with your bsf. But you didnt need to know about that now do you? ;)

☆

"That divine presence we felt with their roomate...–" The Regrator putted his hand on his in a thinking position.

"We cannot be certain that it is our Holiness until we see their blood..." Dottore rudely cutted him off. "Now where the fuck is my funding."

"Bitch stfu I literally gave you your funding 5 hours ago. 💀🤚"

"Harbingers, return to your duties. For we still yet have to confirm if our Holiness has truly descended into Teyvat." The harbingers immediatly straightened up their backs as the Cryo Archon's serious tone.

"Yes your Majesty."

☆

You found yourself playing Minecraft yet you still didnt buy the spotify fucking premium with your y/b/f/n on the computer. Sounds of you cursing agressively in tagalog and bisaya could be heard from your best friend's room get them ear theraphy 😔 "PUTANG INA IM OVER HERE 👹" You screamed over your mic to your bestfriend, whose blocky character was going the opposite way of where you are. "Sorry teh/kol! 😰" Yes your friend is scared shitless of you being like this, but they know you're just being... well, you. "Damn it your lucky I love you...–" Y/b/f/n accidentally out loud in which you fortunately didnt hear. "Ha?"

"Hatdog."

"Litse."

"LeTs SeE! 😍"

Before you could affectionately say another curse word you suddenly heard something scratching your door. "Wait, afk-" you said to you bestie 4 life before removing your chunky ass headphones and opened the door.

"Awwww is my big baby in need of attention again???" You cooed while giving him/her belly scratches, the husky's tail wagging happily at the affection he/she's recieving.

After 30 minutes of you scratching d/n you finally stood up from your crouching position, with d/n whining at the lack of hand on his/her belly but stood up and following you.

You sat down on your gaming chair and picked up d/n and sat her/him on your lap. Happily while wagging her/his. You then putted back your headphones.

"Yo, back."

"Bro what the fuck took you so longgggg" Y/b/f/n's avatar ran around you in circles.

"Yati ka shut the fuck up d/n wanted to sit on my lap."

"Lucky dog..."

"What?"

"Nothang.... 😰" Your best friend said before you went back to your usual self. Again.

☆

The tsaritsa was in her palace's library. Searching for books about the signs for you returning to teyvat once again.

No.

No.

Wait "You x reader" books fucking exist?! She's so keeping the book.

Until she finally found a book that seemed actually legit. "Istg if this also isnt the one..." The Cryo Archon rolled her eyes in her head before she flipped open the book.

☆

YAYAYAYAYA DONE WITH PART 5! :D

【Part 6】

Published: July 1 2024. 8:02pm.

[tezzbot]

Can I just say that I love your style of muzzles? Earth ponies with broad, blocky honkers. Pegasi with smooth, sock-shaped snoots. And unicorns with sharp, pointy schnozes. :D

YAAA THANK YOU!!

for earth ponies theyre the strongest/most powerful physically of the pony species i just wanted their bodies to yknow accentuate that, the apples are stocky and Built so their heads are more Square, Pinkie is bouncy and bubbly and fun so i make her rounder n softer lookin, their hooves are always on the ground and earth ponies are generally know for their physical labour working the land for the whole species so their hooves are idk if exposed is the right word but yeah u can see it lol

pegasi need to be more aerodynamic since uknow theyre built for tha air lol so a longer smoother flat face helps them be able to move around/be faster up there, my rainbow has like. a totally flat face sort of a torpedo look and i dont put any big feathers around her ears bc shes usually going Fast, w Fluttershy her face is more curved inward at the bottom partly to kinda accentuate her shyness and also she has a lot of big feathers around her ears bc she doesnt even usually fly at all never mind quickly, n they both have the sort of featureless, soft hoof type that would look like it could stand on clouds

and unicorns are in my head like they shoukd be more??? idk if ornate is the right word but theyre delicate and kind of a physically shitty horse cus they all rely on their magic to do most things lol, so Rarity has her worm on a string lookin face, tall pointy diamondy shaped ears oh and their tails are those long ones w a little bit a hair on the end, and theyve got the fancy pointy cloven hooves

so for alicorns like for Twilight i try and incorporate all three of the races aspects into them, so Twi has the hoof type and pointy snout and tall ears that i give unicorns, but when she sprouted wings she also got feathers around her ears, and her head shape got longer but also bigger and her general body got a little bulkier, i havent drawn the other princesses yet but, for each alicorn, whichever of the species they started out as has the Most prominent features in their look, so when i get around to drawing Cadence she'll have more prominent pegasus features since that was what she was originally :] for flurry im gonna have to try n make an equal balance of all three the best i can lol

SORRY THIS GOT REAL LONG I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT HORSE ANATOMY FBFNDV

[itissadbutitsmy-life]

the funniest jokes in bfdi

flower’s announcer crusher that she just. has, and everyone else just uses it too

trying to put out a fire by holding ice cube’s recovery center over the fire so she just falls into it endlessly

every single one of yellow face’s products, including but not limited to

fork attractant, for when you need a fork but don’t have the cutlery on hand

headphones you cannot change the volume on or remove

money slips, you just write an amount on them, and it counts as legal tender

“thats a pentagon!” “yeah! like if you took my name and added ‘Tagon’!“

in like episode 2 when they all run away from something and a second later flower casually power-walks away from it instead of running

when balloony deflated and a while later cloudy flies over and goes “i cannot believe it! this is a dead body!!”

“he’s not dead, he just needs a little help thats all! (starts reinflating him too fast) but i agree, he is a hindrance when he is deflate- ohh noooo”

hollow jawbreakers that sound can come into but can’t go out of

when they stuck loser in a jawbreaker they inverted it, so they can hear him talk to himself but he cant hear anything around him

no one seems to know that thats why they can hear him

one time they all ended up in space. because of budget cuts.

actually every time budget cuts lead to something that seems way cooler than their previous stuff, like sparkly purple lasers instead of a mechanical arm to eliminate people with

the consistently bad cake at stake prizes. one time it was just a block of ice cut into six pieces. one time it was dirty shovels.

the magical die of judgement

when freesmart drove across the ocean in their van and they managed it by holding their breath and each time one of them died they just recovered them and threw their corpse out the back

golf ball messing up naming her team by saying things like “we need to be another name” and ending up on teams called Another Name and A Better Name Than That

one team was formed entirely around learning to not kill people. pillow overhears them say “youre against killing?” and goes “:D did someone say killing??”

tennis ball admonishing rocky for not knowing how to write: “no arms is no excuse”

they had to find a needle in a haystack and needle just turned herself in, successfully

when they started using a board with the points written on it on flaps of paper instead of a computer screen, but due to budget cuts, it could only display two digits per contestant, so anyone who went over 100 started immediately dropping to the bottom of the rankings

when ice cube was sleeping at the cake of stake podiums and got shot up into the air at like 3000 mph

2763

when the eliminated contestants tried to escape the loser chamber and they just rolled it off into the ocean

theyre saved because the sun rises and picks them up out of the ocean

also apparently the chamber opens for like five minutes a day for sunlight, but instead of just climbing out during that time, which they seem to be capable of doing, they do a much more convoluted thing

they were sick of four so they got rid of him by multiplying him with donut, and it worked

ruby has some really weirdly specific ideas of beauty and coaches flower

the line delivery of “killing a bubble is as easy as one, two, th(pop)” “i just learned two things about bubble: she can be su i c i d a l and she’s S O D U M B she CANT even count to T H R E E!”

a few episodes later bubble angrily shows them she CAN count to three if she lives long enough to do so, and pencil and match are both like :O :O

bubbles first line in season four is her rapidly counting to ten before getting popped

the way each team breaks their jawbreakers

8 ball just goes “MNYAH” and bites it in half

"okay black hole, do the thing”

leafy tries to use woody’s tongue to lick it open even though rocky and balloony were doing just fine using acid

iance just going ‘bwehbwehbweh’ all licking the same one

team ice cube was doing a mix of bwebwhbehbbwehbw and loudly drilling it open with naily

when four loved so hard he shot eraser off over the horizon

when they’re discussing team names in season one  and theyre all talking over each other so you cant hear what theyre saying, except match, who grabs a megaphone and screams “SMOKY HOT FIERY BUNS”

when needle made a cake and put so much yeast in it that it breached earth’s atmosphere and astronomers apparently began classing earth as part of a three planet system (”consisting of the earth, the moon, and something called ‘needles cake’”)

“it’s ice cube! and she’s shrinking?” “she’s falling”

saying “(x character)! wake up!!” when it’s unclear (to the audience) why a character looks silly or apparently isnt responding

blocky’s sleeping pose is him with his eyes wide open, sporting a big goofy grin and hugging his legs

david’s sleeping pose is him with X eyes

one time the contest was to fill a tank with water from crying, and golf ball immediately ordered tennis ball to cry. he couldn’t do it on command, so golf ball tried, and cried her first ever tear, just... her first one

when the prize was fortune cookies, the fortunes were bracelety’s notes about how much she loves ice cube

“four, where’d you get these fortunes again?” “dumpster!”

“lightning always forgets to fly, so he had to be the fake”

when they were flying paper planes and stapy accidentally stapled his teammates into theirs, and he just hovered next to it while he was talking to them before they all started to plummet

the entire scene where liy tries to use ice cube to force teardrop to talk

“i’ll hold teardrops jaw open and you wiggle her vocal chords”

“i hate you” “yeah i hate her too!” “no. i hate you.”

“ice cube will only stop when she WANTS to stop!” “i want to stop”

“YOU SAID YOU WOULD HELP ME! YOU SAID YOU WERE COOL!” “so r r y (starts wiggling)”

“ICE CUBE! I AM APPALLED!!!!!”

ice cube gets bitten and starts screaming while bracelety is yelling “YEAH ICE CUBE! I CANT HEAR YOU, LOUDER!!”

apparently everyone who hates golf ball gets physically sick when they get near her (or at least, ruby does and snowball did once he knew she was there)

blocky got eaten by a monster in episode two but it turned out the monster missed him by a bit so he was fine

taco’s teammates thought she was dead forever and wrote eulogies for her, and once they found out she was alive lollipop threw hers away, but saw kept hers because in her eyes they’re still valid!!

when things started to get dramatic in the s1 finale, and leafy called announcer on the phone and he was in a ball pit

loser’s trapped in a jawbreaker and the only thing with him is donut’s diary. the next time you see him he’s reading it furiously and it’s filled with color-coded sticky notes

pillow decided if you wave your arms it means all your “care spirit” is getting sucked out your arms and sent into space (”a true indicator that person doesn’t give a fluff”)

remote got hacked and her FIRST INSTINCT is to send the hackers a bomb

“if theres an announcer recovery center now, that means we can kill the announcer as much as we want and he’ll still come back to give us dream island!”

they ask black hole to push them in their swing and he says he can’t push, but he can pull like there’s no tomorrow

“no i can literally warp space time so that there will be no tomorrow” “yeah,h don’t do that.”

when they have a tiebreaker announcer pulls out a silk tie and goes “first team to break this tie wins”

the second time, almost before he finished speaking, snowball just reached over and ripped it in half effortlessly

“proves you don’t need frills to make a feast for the eyes!” “more like taco doesn’t need to be dead to be deceased in my eyes!!!”

they had a race where everyone on each team had their legs tied together (like a three-legged race, but with like six people on a team)

pen’s team was doing fine but he wasn’t, so they just dragged him along behind

snowball tied his team into a ball and dragged them himself, to predictable results, and wouldn’t stop until he got to the finish line even though it took him until after the sun went down

he failed, actually, and him and his team plummeted down a ravine when he passed out

“the opposite of dream island! night...nightmare moon!!”

donut stuck his arms through a one way camera to the moon (it transmits matter as well as light), and to fix the fact that his arms were on the moon and his body was on earth, he pushed the entire earth through the camera

the moon is smushed up against the earth now. it has not been resolved yet

“gelatin and firey tied their legs together and fell off” “ya, seems like the kind of thing they would do”

pencil got caught by a monster and couldnt get away, so they had to kill her so they could recover her somewhere else, and they let her pick how they did it, which lead to everyone just sawing her in half while she grinned ear to ear. she was singing too. iconic

but first, match, her best friend, started waggling a big butcher’s knife around at her going “hoohoo hoeheehee im killing pencil loookat me” and pencil said “match put your butterknife away, you have to ACTUALLY kill me”

and when they were sawing her in half bubble had the BIGGEST, most BLISSFUL grin, with her eyes half closed like a happy cat

bell asks for help making people stop climbing her string, and snowball assures her he can do it, but he’ll have to climb her string to get to them

then like twenty people followed him up

when writing utensil characters use themselves to write with

sometimes they have tiny versions of themselves (sans limbs), but sometimes they just like, pull their caps off and write with their heads

(the same scream noise they use every time a group of people screams) “HONESTLY! (grabs a new can of fork repellent from hammerspace) are you guys going to scream like that EVERY time i use up a can?”

dodecadangit

OH THANKS AN OCTADECILLION, MATCH

they were basically playing hot potato where if you look at someone who was glowing you’d catch the glow, and most teams ended up just chilling with their eyes closed, but golf ball yelled “EVERYONE GET ON MY ROCKET” and she and her team just left earth entirely

this did not stop them from catching the glow

someone’s like “the communicator dish still works” and book goes “oh,” dips a chip into the communicator dish and splashes dip everywhere, “THATS what this is?”

the, like, five minute long end-credits scene of ice cube falling off a cliff eternally

pencil tells ruby which button to press and she keeps getting it wrong, partly because NEW BUTTONS KEEP APPEARING

the poison antidote that has the side effect of making the recipient eat one other contestant

pencil coaching her teammates on how to jump higher

“MMR? I love measles, mumps, and rubella!”

“golf ball knows how to do, like, everything!” (cut to golf ball) “i don’t know how to do, like, anything”

basketball invited 8 ball to be on her team cuz they’re both balls, then 8 ball said “sure, and let’s adopt these three” in reference to three other ball characters

loser said when he was younger he used to play with a toy that was apparently only just invented an hour ago, and everyone, like 60 characters, immediately disowned him and started a turf war over the situation

“black hole, you’re strong! open this jar for me!”

(as the world is literally ending) “FLOWER! WHATAVE YOU DONE??” “i got this jar open!!!”

whenever a host dies or is otherwise put out of commission and the contestants just keep trucking along until they remember no one can get the prize if the host isn’t around to give it to them 

that time announcer used like ten negatives in a sentence 

the way announcer says “wow!” with more emotion than anything else he says? idk if it’s intentional, or even a joke, but it’s the best thing 

(slow mo) “i want to cry now, i really do”

“and i cry acid”

ruby died of sadness and book made it big by selling her remains 

when they say some line that’s just regular words in a slightly unique way, and then the line gets repeated throughout the series 

announcer accidentally-on-purpose got everyone killed, except david (who’s immune to bugs), and he had a david cloner, so he just went ahead and replaced everyone with davids in costumes

halfway through cake at stake, the original contestants show up unexpectedly and explain that they “faked their deaths! obviously.”

“ive decided to not cancel bfdi!” “aw, seriously?”

the noises david and dora make when they do things, like clattering, or sprouting leaves 

bubble and match pretending to be trees

“NO BUBBLE! TREES DONT SAY THAT!” “OH, RIGHT! FSSHHHHHH! FWWWSHH!!!!”

when nickel and coiny get close together bad things happen

“how’s the tree-climbing going?” “it’s okay, but it’d be easier if you helped. (swoop) okay, just got to the top” 

“yes! I am the first one up the tree!” “that’s NOT true, I was here FIRST” 

i guess we’ll just have to use this trebuchet tennis ball built before he died 

“wha! yhad this the HWOLE TIME, I DIDN EVEN HAVE TO CLIMB THE TREE?” “physical exertion builds character :)” 

when everyone’s begging four to bring back their dead teammates, especially saw, who lost her entire team, and four is like okay I’ll bring back one (1) person, and saw very reverently starts to ask him for her dead team leader, but grassy says “tennis ball!” and four listens to him instead, and everyone immediately starts nagging four again to bring back more important people 

leafy, about to melt ice cube down for metal scrap: “ice cube, come on down! you can be my alloy!”

they met a new character and they’re like “who is that?” and pie’s like “I dunno, try squishing it” 

“theres another one? whoa! it totally has a different texture from the first one!”

8 ball beginning every single statement with things like “although I don’t have a favorite number...” 

“I do this!” (grabs pin and turns her, screaming, into a squiggly pile of lines) “pretty cool, dontcha think?” 

“can,,,, you bring her back?” “no” (five seconds later) “HEY CHECK THIS OUT! (brings back pin)” 

pen high fived black hole and his arm spaghettified 

“what are you doing?” “im going to die!” “hi needle! he’s not going to die.”

iance was trying to dig their way up out of the ground but they couldnt because golf ball kept blocking them from the surface

“maybe theyre trying to communicate with me?” “yeah they’re telling you to stop”

“they raise a very convincing argument. BUT IT’S NOT ENOUGH!” “OH what a pain!!”

she accurately guessed the fact that there was a group of people underground running from some lava who “clearly value avoiding [golf ball] more than their own safety”

“ohhhh so THIS is golf balls idea of fun!” “(sigh)... yep”

they looked through a camera and couldn’t see donut (the zoom wasn’t adjusted) and marker went “donut’s a vampire too?” 

too???

“meh, I’ve still got other evidence”

one time the eliminated contestants got to vote who to eliminate and snowball was like “ice cube, cuz it’s really hot in the TLC and I can’t be the only one cooling it off” 

like four other people were like “oh man he’s right” and did the same thing

“wouldn’t it be cool if the last word of the last episode was the same as the first word of the first episode?” “yeah :)” 

“take. a deep breath. you know. A DEEP FRIED BREATH” 

at the end of the episode he shows up with some boiling oil and is like “LIKE THIS! ONE, (sizzling and screaming noises)” “COINY NO” 

leafy was about to throw a knife at them but watched this happen offscreen with horror and then left them alone

david’s human, and that’s just weird

“im still mad you killed bubble” “youre one to talk, you were about to impale TWO WHOLE teams” “yeah, but bubble’s life? is special”

pen’s like “okay we three need to stick together while we’re picking teams!” but then eraser hears some other team has free food, so he runs off and pen very flatly goes “okay, we lost eraser.”

“well let’s not pick pen, he’s still two hundred bigintillion dollars in debt” which is mostly hilarious without the first three seasons of context, but even with context it’s hilarious. he looks so shamefaced when they say it too. i love pen

once someone finally picks him he IMMEDIATELY perks up and takes charge

the hphprcc went into self destruct mode and everyone started frantically trying to figure out what to do, and book’s like “okay it’ll either just disappear without a trace, or blow up and kill us all, 50/50 chance” and then of course, it exploded, and ruby started screaming, and then book was like “ruby, stop hallucinating! see? it just disappeared, without a trace!”

“YOuuOURE HalLUCINAATING!!” “DON’T do that!! it is K-R-E-P!”

pin tried to knock everyone off the eiffel tower by shaking it and book was like “who does she think she’s kidding? it’s the eiffel tower we won’t fall off”

“name ONE! name ONE friend you haven’t gotten extremely angry at!” “thats not fair,! there isnt even any of them!”

8ball was saying the opposite of everything golf ball was saying, up to and including calling the members of their team, a better name that that, “worse namers”

“is this because i killed you last episode?” “what?? no, i dont care about that!”

“life is CHEAP! get me a BANANA!!!”

flower bit off half of announcer’s head and he couldn’t make the K sound anymore

“have this -ashew” “bless you”

“no i said -ashew. -ashew. -ashew. -ashew.” “wow you must be allergic to something”

“maybe announcer’s allergic to this cashew? here bubble, you can have it!”

pencil won the staring contest because david’s allergic to sunrises

freesmart was making video diaries during the three year hiatus, but apparently did absolutely no editing or even rewatching of the videos, because they found out three years too late that ruby left the lens cap on every time she used the camera

when four played the cake at stake song in the classroom he played it on a low-quality portable tv instead of cutting to a fullscreen video

“iknowafasterway!” “NORUBYYOULLDIE!”

pin said she didnt want to halve the votes she got because she hadnt done anything that would make people want to vote for her, and it immediately cut to a series of old scenes of her throwing people under the metaphorical bus

literally nothing is funnier than “i mean, i havent done anything to make people vote for me” (cut to flashback) “there’s too much weight on this sinking ship!!! we need to throw someone OVERBOARD!!!!”

one team got stuck doing their nine-piece puzzle for a MONTH because all the pieces were the same dark brown color

the pieces were upside down

a month

“the finish line! it’s only twenty or so yards away!”

two people talking and using the word “needy” twice and pausing to throw their hands up protectively and go “HNnnnynGH”

“why do i have filling, but also a hole?” - donuts diary

in 5b theyre talking to some npcs and theyre like “well dont hurt us, because we just got finished being punished in lego brick’s dungeon” and the npcs were like “oh yeah he does that. he’s a great guy, but he does that.”

also in 5b when book met lego brick the FIRST thing she asked is if he’s “safe to look at” which,???

they did a trivia contest and multiple questions were in complete gibberish

presumably this is an actual language in canon since like three other people answered correctly, also in gibberish, but still

“you’ve got this, bubble, you’re great at mental contests” “question one: ooba grooba, grooba shmooba?” “HUH?”

“but tennis ball -- oh... tennis ball....--”

team naming, especially in season four

“we’re not ALL in the alliance!” “well, if you take ‘the all’ out of the alliance, you get...”

“and what is your name?” (everyone says their own actual names at once)

ice cube is not on team ice cube

Death Prevention And Creating Trust

“let’s be called The Losers!” “awww! you didn’t have to”

wheel ooze a hole bunch. WOAH bunch!

“but then it sounds like youre saying free-DUMB!” “and we are so like totally not dumb!”

when the losers decided to use iance’s idea to win the swing contest and it was styled like an overenthusiastic science video 

“WHOA!!! iance just had a RADICAL idea!!!”

“TREASON! TREASON! TREASON!” “im in what?”

“seriously why are so many people drowning? it’s not even quicksand, or anything” - announcer, responding to five people drowning in a basket of bread

they were whispering with “susuusus” noises and cloudy whispered “zuzuzuzzuz”

the spaceship with the sign that says “this spaceship runs on big squishy contestants” or whatever and after the credits it slowly flips over to say “this spaceship runs on VOTERS”

“stop shooting at me!” “no way! i got these cannonballs on sale and IM GONNA GET MY MONEYS WORTH!!!”

eggy and cake’s argument over who has a deeper spiritual connection with loser

“my connection is so strong that when i crack, i bleed loser’s COLOR”

playing catch with a star they plucked out of the big dipper, and leafy’s horror over it

adding “ey” to people’s names (personal favorites are announcery, fourty-four, flowey, treey, and belly)

blueberries are EXPLOSIVE, including the ones inside pie, so sometimes she just explodes

“but over a year ago, four said you dont need frills to make a feast for the eyes, so that means hes okay with trash!”

the anti-advertisements advertisement!

four ate a whole team and they just sort of stood around inside him sticking their arms out his mouth and laughing hysterically

“again! again again again !!!!”

“we could be leaving!” “yeah, but when’s the last time you saw remote this happy? this is good for her!”

book, three episodes into season 3: hey, what is it we’re even battling for?

(iconic voice): dwream island,??

when they had a beauty contest and firey speaker box and flower speaker box just immediately chose firey and flower to be the winners without a second’s hesitation

“book! come help us catch a criminal!” “no thanks, im good!”

donut tried to punish people for getting the wrong answers when he was hosting, but it turns out a recording of four screeching doesn’t work... quite as well as the real deal

four zapping gelatin

ok ok ok this is insanely long but please add more if u have any favorites i missed

[renaer-is-allegedly-hot]

session 12 notes

one day . one day i swear i will fix this formatting but today is not that day

Lol late is my brand

Let's go

The halflings can stack up under a trench coat

Adam has disguise self

Aerana and asyna don't need to do anything kinda

Now we're talking abt the road to el dorado

We just killed loser boy

Kenku got info from adam, cel and theo

What are we doing lmao

Adam is jiggling the small room's door and we go inside the room

Inside looks like an office, shelf w pickled body parts + cataloguing what the parts r and what they do

They were running away lmao ok

Yes we're still salty about this

"different interpretations of charm person" - jacob, 2020

Body part stuff

No halfling writing system in waterdeep

Dwarf toes, elven ears

Magic items ? Cel rolls perception 22

Weird jar w dull amber colored liquid, don't know if it's magical but noticed; unlabeled

"the jar of necrotic pee" - jacob, 2020

Smells like aloe

Adam smells his fire-resistant potion and it smells more like burnt ash

Smth else cel found has strange engravings

Just looks like metal bar

Boxy squarish iron bar abt the size of a halfling; it's strong but surprisingly light

Adam picks it up and hits a wall w it

Adam rolls for attack, 4

Nothing rlly happens

Makes a ringing sound

None of us can read giant

Looks rlly strange, written in blocky linear runes

A few things on it that stick out like engravings of ppl

Big bearded humanoids but small and fine so difficult to make out

Adam rolled 17 for investigation through files

Some stuff related to running wig shop; shop was at least somewhat a legitimate business

Notes abt billing for criminal organizations and guilds

Some ref to meeting w xant middlemen who would collect bodies

Names

Noska

Hired gorrick to track us down ??

N ?????

Adam looking for a key in the desk, doesn't find it

Head to the chest, adam tries to open

Not locked

A bunch of teeth

It's a mimic, adam has to roll damage

Adam is hit

Adam takes 10 damage

We're looking at diff things around the room and then hear a screech of pain as adam gets bitten

Slams down on adam's hand and four little eyes pop up and stare as it eats adam's hand

Mimic takes 9 damage as adam explodes

Cel shoots an arrow into the eye

22 to hit, 8 damage

Adam uses cutting words

-1d6

"hey fuck"

Adam could try to pull his hands away

Adam pulls his hands out

Adam bends down to it and takes a ration out of his backpack

"dom I'm gonna bend down to it"

The chest has closed back

Adam is going to throw rations instead, dex check

13; doesn't open so adam drops food on its head

Chest sits there looking at adam and eventually out of the side of the chest a weird stretchy amoeba-like arm comes out of it, takes the food and throws it in its mouth

"who's a good boy ? Who's a good boy !! Who's a good chest !!" adam, 2020

Adam takes out all his five rations and makes a trail leading out of the room

Chomper ? Maybe

It looks uninterested and its eyes have shut

Looks exactly like a chest now and hasn't moved; still has an arrow but just looks like a normal chest

It's a small chest that's pickuppable

Adam wants to walk his chest

Adam casts sleep on the chest

7d8s

27hp

When adam casts sleep the chest doesn't move, adam rolls perception 5

Adam tries to pick it up from behind v carefully from the bottom

It's kinda stuck to the floor and the wall; doesn't appear willing to budge

Asyna is still ape!asyna

Tries picking it up from behind like adam

Rolls a 6; won't move

One of its creepy tendrils sticks out and hits ape!asyna

10 bludgeoning damage; ape!asyna basically got slapped but now stuck to the chest

It's kind of loose now

Ape!asyna rolls a 20 and yanks it off the wall, now just dangling off asyna's arm and it's heavier than asyna thought it was

Feels dense

Adam is gonna try and tie its mouth shut

"he kinda starts flailing around a bit" dom, 2020

"aw he likes his new leash" jacob, 2020

Jacob gets hit again

Ape!asyna is gonna try and pull it off, 17 and gets off

Large clump of fur comes off and it's painful

adam "I'm going to try and use centrifugal force to swing it over my head"

"make a strength check" dom, 2020

Rolls 17

Slams it on desk, doesn't let go, nature check adam has no idea what it is

At some point the chest drops off, we stand back and adam casts shatter

11 damage

Chest kind of melts into the floor almost like it deflated, starts snaking way across room until it finds a hole and slithers up and disappears

"fuck you too chompi" adam 2020

Where it dissolves is 20 gold

"n I c e . That was worth the four spell slots" adam, 2020

Adam disguises self and turns into his dad

Adam is a tiefling

Dad is not a tiefling

Taller, dark black hair but not curly, short on the sides + floof forward

Looks more confident than adam

Same freckles

No one knew adam had freckles

Look p similar overall

Sounds the same as adam when he talks

He's a human

We don't know it's adam's dad

"a real dilf" dom, 2020, about adam's dad

"not like your REAL DAD, JACOB, JESUS" dom, 2020

Now we don't have time to unpack ALL OF THAT

Gonna find a hotel or smth

Except gotta disguise selves first

In the wig shop there is any wig u could possibly desire

Some mounted beards

Can't tell if any of the wigs r magical

I don't haAve magicccc :(

Adam puts a blonde wig on the ape

I thought asyna un-aped

Asyna un-apes and disguises self as asyna

Theo takes a long brunette wig w a braid down the back

Cel wants to pretend to be adam's child

Gets a curly dark hair wig

Hammer pants

Cel theo and adam all have freckles

It's nighttime springtime in waterdeep; it's raining

Trades ward going to find a hotel

Avoid own houses for awhile

Going to nearest inn

Let's go to the yawning portal

It is an inn not just a bar

Typ is in fact in the trades ward

One room as the father and two daughters and one room as lesbian elves

Durnan's downstairs and is friends w mirt

We head over to typ

This ward is busier than others we've seen at this time of night

Walk over to side entrance of typ

It never shuts down; always ppl here

Familiar warmth as we approach

Bard competition

Ppl placing bets, drinking, sitting in booths

The rooms r upstairs

Adam calls himself lysander

"a room for me and my daughters"

They get a room on the third story

Room on the third floor

We rendezvous in adam's room

We hear a scream echo out from the well

Adam has two plans

One includes his pants

The pants plan is we track down the dude w the pants

Second includes him singing, waiting to get mugged by the zants

Get mercenary help ?

Pants is plan c

Durnan is plan a

Cel is portia

Theo is lavinia

The doors lock

Long rest? Long rest maybe later

Adam and cel go up to one of the goliaths

"hey there big friend"

He looks like a well-read person

Takes out honey and asks him if he knows what it is

O it's honey

"well there r means of finding this out . For a price"

How much per item - FIVE GOLD

Adam hands him 10 gold and the big rod

"this is a jar of ointment that was first created by the wizard kyogton" I have no idea what that wizard's name is but that's what it sounded like

A dose can be swallowed or applied to the skin and in addition to healing and rejuvenating health, any poison or disease it may have is instantaneously cured

Can't tell how many doses in it

It's v expensive, v rare

Now the stick and he looks uber interested in it

"hm , where did you find this"

"my dad's attic ,,, he's a hoarder"

"let's make a deception check with a capital d"

Nat 1

Adam tells this guy the whole thing and the guy nods

"this is a valuable piece . Would you be interested in parting with it"

Cloud giants made them so their servants could help them build their castles

It's an immovable rod

Writing speaks of ancient cloud giants that were war-inclined

Flat button on the end of it

He sticks it out into the air and presses the button; when he takes his hand away, the rod doesn't fall and it stays floating in the air

Adam grabs onto it but he can't move it

Anybody can push the button tho

Adam asks what the goliath is offering

Offers us 5,000 gold

Adam gets his name - woetheir ????

Woetheir frequents typ when he's here

They're going on a quest; were asked by the open lord to complete a task on the isle of chault

Adam's gonna go to bed

Cel's gonna take a bath

We take long rest

Durnan time

Adam gives durnan a quick rundown of what happened

"ayo what's poppin durnan long time no see my guy"

It's morning it's 9ish breakfast time

Doesn't give any indication whether or not he recognizes them

Adam asks for scrambled eggs and bacon

Adam's asking if he knows anything abt the xants

Theo asks durnan if there's somewhere more secluded they can talk

Gestures to one of the booths and theo cel adam go over

They're uh . Telling durnan everything p much

He has look of passive disinterest but slightly less disinterest the more of the story they tell

"how is mirt?"

"he has renaer and floon"

"he's let himself go"

The xants r v powerful; leadership inscrutable even to open lord herself

Prior, durnan didn't care abt open lord

Guesses whoever obtains the stone would b hunted by the city which could b problematic

Half a million gold dragons

Could get help outside the city ? Roots go deep but do not extend outwards

Flee or contact city officials

"I think theo has a crush on him" adam, 2020

Stone is likely being taken or was already taken to guild hq

We could bust into hq but probs bad idea

Durnan says he's sure anyone could break into xants hq

Lmao durnan sounds so weighed down by life

Every now and then he looks over to well

Durnan is basically saying friendship is magic

The xants don't often come to typ and don't draw swords there

They fear it and durnan

"what's the hole?" adam rolls for insight, dirty 20

Odd expression comes across durnan's face

Mixture of disgust and longing

Uh … disgust and longing … for a hole? Ok durnan

We don't have to talk abt that I guess

Cel asks durnan to send a message to mirt to let him know we're safe but probs not gonna see him for awhile

Apparently the xants aren't too particular abt their henchmen

He says ask the barkeep abt it

Passive perception

At some point durnan leaves and right as theo says that we hear a loud thump and someone says "cripes"

Jones ?

Cel looks under the table and there's jones

Cel drags him out

Theo has a new idea "hey guys let's not go through with using adam as bait yet"

Adam looks down at the goblin and threatens to make him deaf

Plan d is to eat jones

We take jones upstairs

Theo explains her new plan

If the stone is already at their hq

We go to them

Jones doesn't mess w the xants

Why is jones rhyming

What r we talking abt lmao oops I was looking at primary results

I'M SCREAMING I DIDN'T KNOW GOODSPACEGUY WAS 81

No one has asked us for info abt the stone ?

Lmao is this like @me abt what's his name

Jb nevercaught ???? Jp nevercaught ?????? Idk who he is

What's our goal

We gotta figure out what we wanna do ig

We just wanna know where the xants r otherwise we duct tape his mouth and tie him up

"consider it stroked and very, very much needed" jones, 2020

To the dock ward in a wrecked whale oh the wrecked whale

"not the erect whale" cel, 2020 ????

There's a knock at the door

There's no peephole

Asyna asks "who is it"

HAHAHHAHAHA

MARGUERITE LMAO

"uh I work at the bar downstairs uh durnan had some - he wanted to speak to the drow"

I'm screwed

He has page hat on

"first durnan said we could stay as long as we'd like"

And he was offered money by this guy to speak to me

There's an elven man w v long and stringy hair, pointed nose and pointy ears

Looks rlly skinny and physically weak

Looking over scrolls

"guess who"

What the fuck

Nareel ??? naREEL????? WHO THE FUCK IS NAREEL???????

I don't kNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING !!!!!!

The stone fascinates him

Offering us partial membership

Occasional encouragement to go on various missions

He has resources

Treasure and gold involved, but not for the weak-willed

Offering 500 gold for completion of a task

They have captured a high-ranking member of the xants and tried to get info of him

More resilient than they thought he would be

They need him back in three days

Is this a roast session ???? Of aerana ???? When she dips to hang out with the other guy ???????

They're trying to figure out who her friend is

Jones wanted to be a painter

Adam is offering to have jones join us to maybe kill him??????

If he wants gold he has to go get it

They'll keep

"I'm gonna fill your goody bag real good so you better keep your mouth shut" adam, 2020 to jones

Oh god I'm such an avoidant lmao

Oh god I don't

"these conversations will become more difficult as things become more difficult but I think for now that went as well as it could have possibly gone"

"you will find him in your basement"

wHICH BASEMENT

We're gonna go home

To the north ward we go

You go to the basement

The ropes look kinda weird

He's not tied with rope

They're metal bands looped around him

Metal bindings

Doesn't look like he's gonna get out of it

Adam and cel don't see anything out of the ordinary but have noticed things moved around a little bit

Dwarf w dark brown skin, white/gray beard, looks roughed up - not injured, just worse for wear

Adam has him make a wisdom saving throw

Adam charms him

Approaches him first

Adam starts massaging his shoulders

Jfdkaslfha then takes the gag off

"are you here to let me out?" the dwarf

"even better I'm here to spend some quality time with you" adam, 2020

Says he has to get back to the master

Master silgar must be fed

His sacred duty is to feed master silgar

Master silgar has a shimmering son what

"Shakes the oceans with a swish of his body"

In the beginning there was xanathar and then he said silgar should be the one they care for until the seas rise and destroy the city

Controls the eye of the xanathar as the eye of the xanathar control him

His name is ot stillgeer

Adam says his name is cain

Blasphemy for adam to propose bringing lord silgar to him

Lord silgar lives in a great temple

He's the high priest of silgar

We're telling him it's our summer home

Adam winks at everyone and we go upstairs

Adam casts second-level sleep on him

44hp puts him to sleep

Adam is gonna disguise-self a beard when the dwarf next wakes up

Stage it so it looks like he had been there for a month

Everyone changes their clothes

Tally marks on the wall

It's like late afternoon at this time

Adam tells him he woke up after 79 days, rolls for deception

Rolls a 24

Looks over and says "79 days"

"am I dead"

"no but the xanathar want you dead"

"I'm free"

23 for deception

Lord silgar is a fish? A fish ? A goldfish

Lord xanathar loves his goldfish more than anything

Ot has to replace the fish

19 mans is telling the truth

Not really any sign we're being watched when cel rolls for perception

We watch ot, take turns resting and surveilling our own house

Night comes

When asyna is on watch in the tower

Sees figures start making way across street to our house

6 humanoids start trying to break into the house

Glass shatters as one goes through a window

The tapestry was lord silgar

The goldfish has no connection to the koi fish asyna spoke to

Two objectives?

Find the stone

Or control the xanathar w a fish

The stone is a map to half a million gold

[depression-in-the-fire-nation]

Hobo Woodman Ozai

Does this AU have a title? I don’t know. Do you know, @sky-kiss​ ?

Either way, I am ashamed of how poorly edited it is, but. Just. Read around the bad parts :D

Continued from here

***

The subject came up one day over breakfast, which the girl shovelled enthusiastically into her mouth while babbling on and on about a school somewhere.

“Her manners are appalling,” Ozai said.

Two pairs of amber-coloured eyes looked at him coldly. He sipped his tea in dignified silence.

“Calm down, dear,” Ursa said gently.

It was truly amazing how quickly her mood swayed from one extreme to another when Ozai and their daughter were in the same room. With care and patience, she instructed the girl on how to sit and eat properly, as befitted their station – the reality of their current circumstances, after all, did not change it in the slightest. When Ozai was concerned, however, the warm voice and gentle smile were nowhere to be found.

He weathered Ursa’s glare with a smile of his own. There was more to be said, but it had to wait until later, when he cornered her in their tiny kitchen.

She was washing the dishes. Her skin, once flawless, now bore the subtle signs of physical labour. A part of him longed to feel it beneath his fingers, each callous and imperfection that marred its beauty. He resisted the pull, knowing his touch would not be welcome.

“Which school are you sending her to?” Ozai asked.

Ursa set down a wet plate and picked up another, dipping it in soapy water.

“I’m going to buy a house in Ba Sing Se,” she said. “We will have to move for the winter either way.”

Ba Sing Se. The impenetrable walls which held Iroh off for hundreds of days, and which Azula so cleverly bypassed. Safe from the turmoil of the war, prosperous, crowded – but stagnant, set in its old-fashioned ways. Like everything else in Earth Kingdom, the city did not seek change or improvement. The people had no desire, no will to better their lives. This was no place for a Fire Nation princess.

“She would be better off if you educated her yourself,” Ozai said.

“I am. But she needs the company of children her own age,” Ursa said.

“Peasant children,” Ozai imbued the word with all the contempt it deserved. “Our daughter should be schooled in the Capital—”

The plate in Ursa’s hands came down with a loud clang.

“My daughter, dear husband. Do not forget that you banished us both from the Fire Nation.”

He was no longer fooled by her steady voice. She turned to look at him, breath-taking in her rage.

“I saved you from execution,” Ozai said.

“How merciful you were,” she said, cold. “Truly. I shall forever praise your generosity.”

Even from a distance, he could sense the disturbed flow of her chi. The fire she longed to hurl at him sparked at her fingertips, while his own remained numb and lifeless. Yet for her the gift was no more than a practicality. Ozai supposed it served her well in her exile, as means of protection for herself and the child. Also as a danger that could expose her identity to any onlookers. Nevertheless, Ursa was never taught to hold it in the highest regard, as a blessing bestowed only upon the select few. Of which Ozai was no longer a part of. Under her tutelage, the girl would grow up the same.

The thought was intolerable.

“Zuko would welcome you back with open arms,” Ozai said. “Only your own stubbornness is keeping you away.”

He had dug his nails into an open, festering wound on Ursa’s conscience. She paled, her pained expression betraying more of her feelings than she wished to.

“Stubbornness has nothing to do with it,” she said.

“Call it fear, then. Whatever it is, it doesn’t change the fact that you’d rather keep the girl away from her true heritage.”

“Maybe that’s a good thing,” Ursa laughed bitterly. “Look around you. Look what became of you, and of me. This is her heritage now, Ozai.”

“You give up so easily,” Ozai said.

All of a sudden, she looked tired. No more than a peasant woman, washing her own dishes, repairing old clothes, working odd jobs to keep her daughter fed. And he did this to her; he alone. A long time ago, he took the daughter of a disgraced rural magistrate and made her a princess. Just as swiftly, he knocked her down.

She would hate to hear the truth put that way, so he kept his mouth shut. Something showed in his face, however, because he was treated to an angry look, and then an indifferent shrug.

“You lost, Ozai,” Ursa said, turning away from him. “Learn to live with it. I did.”

***

He wasn’t going to.

Day and night, he trained and worked and then trained again. It helped keep his mind at ease, all the rage and frustration which made it impossible to think channelled through physical strain. The girl could not hope to keep up, but she did her best.

He was perhaps unduly harsh with his instructions. Ursa was too soft-hearted to instil proper discipline in the girl. Ozai was met with refusal, defiance, and tears. And yet, every day at sunrise, their daughter was there, glaring but ready to learn.

“Mamma says I won’t be able to practice firebending in Ba Sing Se,” she explained.

“And yet you want to go,” Ozai said.

She nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah! Mamma says I could go to school. She says there will be lots of other kids to play with. Last summer we went to Omashu, and they had a big marketplace and we played games and—” she chattered on. “Mamma also says I can pick a name for myself!”

That made Ozai pause.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, see,” the girl said. “She says it’s safer to use different names in different places. In case we were being followed.” She frowned. “She never said who followed us. Or why.”

“Your mother’s paranoid,” Ozai said. Although it did explain why his spies lost track of Ursa’s movements so quickly.

“What’s ‘paranoid’?”

She looked up at him with earnest golden eyes. Ozai frowned.

“You have scrolls, don’t you? Look it up.”

“But—”

“Resume your form. Now.”

Grumbling, she complied. Over time her movements became more fluid – a far cry from the choppy mockery they used to be. She still lacked the ease and grace Azula displayed from an early age, but she showed promise.

***

Winter was approaching them. With it, Ursa’s departure to Ba Sing Se.

He wasn’t planning to follow, of course. There were people loyal to him back in the Capital. With time, he would gather enough supporters to challenge Zuko’s unlawful seizing of the throne. The opportune moment would come soon enough, when the people recognized a teenager’s inability to lead a nation and began to blame him for all the misfortunes that befell them. But when the time came, he would have to be ready.

Ozai found himself moving closer to the burning fireplace, the sight of the dancing flames resonating with the deep, hollow ache in his chest. He would move as soon as he recuperated his strength.

Ursa pretended not to notice his melancholy, focused on her task. She had earned some coin through copying scrolls, her calligraphy neat and elegant. Next to her, the girl was playing with ink, most often drawing dragons and sticky figures. Today, however, she was putting down blocky, uneven characters, more Earth Kingdom than Fire Nation in their design.

“Hmm. Fang. I wanna be called Fang,” she declared suddenly.

“Why?” Ursa asked, amused.

“Because it was the last Fire Nation Avatar!”

Ozai raised an eyebrow.

“The previous Avatar was called Roku. Fang was his dragon,” he said coolly.

The girl looked at him with a quizzical expression.

“That makes no sense,” she said. “Why would they choose a human Avatar if they could have a dragon Avatar?”

Ozai stared at her.

“This… isn’t how this works. At all.”

But his words fell on empty ears. The girl bounced on her feet and grabbed his hand, her palms comically small next to his.

“Come on! Let’s practice more firebending. I’m gonna be a dragon!”

She would bother him endlessly unless he gave in. Ozai sighed and stood up.

Ursa was looking at him with an odd expression, eyebrows raised, her brush frozen an inch above the parchment.

“She falls asleep quicker when she’s tired,” Ozai said, then pressed his mouth shut. He did not need to explain himself to Ursa.

“If you say so,” Ursa said, fighting a disbelieving smile.

***

A few days later, when he was overseeing her training, Fang slipped.

Her balance was off as she went through a more complicated move she had been trying to master. Ozai told her so, frowning with disapproval. Instead of getting up and starting over, however, the girl looked up at him with tears shining in her eyes and clutched her ankle.

“It hurts,” she protested.

“The pain is in your mind,” Ozai said. “You must learn to control it.”

“No, it’s not, it’s in my leg,” she said, sniffling. “And it hurts. I wanna go home.”

“We are not done for today.”

Tears were streaming down her cheeks, her pathetic wails carrying through the forest. Her ankle was perhaps a bit swollen, from what Ozai could see.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger.

“Very well. You may go,” he said.

She tried to scramble up, but as soon as more weight was put on her injured leg, she dropped down again onto the ground, crying harder.

“I can’t,” she said. “Mom!”

“Quiet,” Ozai hissed.

If Ursa heard her, he’d be dead.

With no other option, he walked over and gathered the child in his arms. Her crying subsided slightly, giving way to sniffled, and she rubbed the tears from her eyes.

“Huh,” she said. “Your beard is weird.”

“Quiet, I said,” Ozai said.

“Okay,” Fang replied.

She didn’t weigh much, and thankfully remained still when he carried her home. When they entered, she even managed a feeble smile, reaching for Ursa who stared at them both with a stricken expression.

“She lost her balance,” Ozai explained, positioning her on her bedroll. Then he took one look at Ursa’s face, and added: “I’m going hunting.”

Just in case, he didn’t come back until late evening.

***

Soon enough, Fang was running around as always, although she wasn’t permitted to practice any bending. Ursa hasn’t said a word to him since the accident.

Alone, Ozai went back to practicing with the swords. Even despite the silence and the solitude, he found it difficult to concentrate. It seemed that everywhere he looked, he could see Ursa’s accusatory glare.

There she was, this time in person. She stood beneath a tree, hands folded over her breast, eyes narrowed.

Ozai spun around, the swords cutting through the air with a loud whoosh, and then embedded them both in a nearby tree.

“Do not damage my property, please,” Ursa said coolly.

He retrieved them easily, their handles now an easy and comfortable fit in his grip.

“Fight me,” he said without looking at her.

“No.”

“We both need practice,” he said.

“You most certainly do,” she replied.

Ozai tossed one of the swords in her direction. Instincts took over, and Ursa’s hand snatched it up from the air. When he smirked at her, Ursa shifted into a fighting stance. She circled him around the clearing, sword held at the ready. Then she attacked.

He had the advantage of strength and bulk, but she played it cleverly, turning his blows against him with an unforeseen skill. Exile had necessitated that particular ability; Ozai was pleased to see his wife was able to defend herself.

The two swords were not separate weapons, but parts of a whole. Turned against one another, they were less effective. After days – weeks – Ozai was thrown off by the lack of blade in his free hand. Ursa recognized this, concentrating her attacks on his left side, vicious, all the rage bleeding through her blows.

She risked tiring herself if she fought like this. Her arms trembled with the effort, and Ozai broke through her defences with sheer strength, watching as she winced every time she had to block a direct blow. Ever pragmatic, however, she shifted into a more defensive stance again, letting him do most of the work, dancing around on nimble feet.

He would not let her escape. The two blades clashed together, grinding, throwing sparks onto both their faces. Ursa was gritting her teeth, painfully beautiful; he felt her strength waning.

All of a sudden, the pressure was gone. Too late he saw through her ruse, a vicious kick to his legs and a blow to his stomach tipping him off balance, the momentum of his own attack propelling him forward. Ozai came crashing down on the ground.

Clever. Too clever to let her guard down, even now.

Ozai flashed her a smile, all teeth, and then sprung back up, this time giving her no chance to resort to dishonourable tricks. With one forceful blow, he knocked the sword from her hand and then snatched it up, twisting her around and crisscrossing the blades around her pale neck.

“Do you yield, Ursa?” he asked, pleasantly.

She was trapped, wholly and completely, between the wall of his chest and her own swords. He could see irritation flashing in her amber eyes, face reddened from exertion, the air leaving her lungs in quickened breaths.

Long years have passed since he last held her like this. A sense of honour kept him loyal to this woman, despite her continuous impertinence, even outward treason. He could have taken another wife, a lover, to keep him company; he didn’t. With Ursa so close, he felt the stirring of an old hunger coursing through his veins.

“You enjoy this,” Ursa said.

“As do you,” Ozai said.

Ursa hummed. “I am about to enjoy this more.”

She came up fighting, this time with fire instead of crude weaponry. The heat scorched his skin, flames licking the blades. Ozai bared his teeth and pressed onward. On a shorter distance, she would not be able to execute her moves properly. Aware of this, Ursa leapt away from him, fire dancing in her outstretched hands.

He was risking much, unused to evading flames. Humiliation was the price he had to pay, however. Ursa would extract it, merciless, unafraid; he supposed he owed her that much.

[rambling-at-midnight]

Hacked: Part 4

You didn’t go to lacrosse practice.

There’s no point and you need the money, anyways, so you forgo fun and go to work. The boy watches you as usual, the bus runs late as usual, and you mop the floors of the hospital until they’re shining, muck the floors of the stable until the only thing on them is dust, and then you go home and prepare for two hours of frantic homework.

You used to live in a regular house with three bedrooms and two bathrooms, and now you live in a trailer with one bed, a couch, and one bathroom. How the mighty have fallen, except you weren’t all that mighty before your mom got sick.

“Y/n?” she calls when the door creaks open. You’d left your keys at home again, but it’s not a big deal because your mom always forgets to lock the door and anyways, if you’re really in a pinch, a good, hard shake of the door will have the locking mechanism popped out.

Good thing you two live in the scrubby backwash area of shining New York, the toilet of Queens, a blemish in the city. No one comes here of their own volition, and everyone dreams of leaving as quickly as they can. The crime rate here is as low as it gets because no one has anything worth stealing, and no one would rack up a big enough ransom to make it worth the kidnapper’s time. Plus, there’s cameras everywhere and we’re not rich enough to pay off the police if we get caught committing murder.

“Yeah, it’s me,” you call back, dropping your backpack at your feet and wincing when it thunks. You never welcome charity but don’t have a problem with stealing. What a fucked-up child you are. And the food in the bins was going to go to people who’re in the same trouble as you are, so what’s the harm? Worst comes to worst, you get caught and explain your position. Your boss would understand. “I got food.”

Your mom probably knows about how you get money, but she can claim ignorance as long as you don’t hurt anyone else in the process. She might have a conscience, but you don’t. It should bother you that you would steal from someone struggling like you if you were hungry.

It should.

It doesn’t.

It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and no one’s going to help you, so you put a smile on your face and steal from the stores no one else would bother stealing from and you take the cans out of a donation bin because your stomach is complaining. You raid food pantries. You Dumpster-dive.

You humiliate the rich and rack up the money.

Your mom appears in the doorway, looking as thin and ragged as ever even in four sweaters and multiple layers of pants. “Did you have a nice day at school?”

“Yeah,” you say absently, already typing an English essay on your computer. You know your world’s gonna end soon, but you don’t want to spend the entire time waiting around. You’ll do the work and not stress about the bad grades for once in your life. It’s freedom and it’s fun.

“My shift starts soon,” she says. “I’ll be back by the time you’re leaving for school.”

She has one job. You have four. You resent her for that, slightly, because it’s her fault the two of you are in this position, and she doesn’t even try anymore. Inside, you know you’re dying, but on the outside you can at least pretend everything isn’t going to shit. She’s not even giving you that much false peace of mind.

Once again you consider moving out and living with your friends. You used to love your mother, you know, but now you mostly feel blank around her.

She ruined your life. She’s not trying to fix it. She’s going to die soon and leave you with nothing and nobody except for the man who knocked her up and then left her, because she’s too stubborn to see around the issues she had with her parents.

You smile at her. “Don’t work yourself too hard, okay? I’ll see you later.”

“Love you!” she calls while exiting the trailer, leaving you alone in a drafty tin can.

You race to the window to make sure she’s left before pulling up the research you really want to work on.

You’ve spent days trying to hack into Tony Stark’s bank account. It’s heavily protected and you’ve never seen a security wall quite like it, but you’ll get through it… eventually. You know nearly everything there is to know about Stark, partly because because he’s a celebrity, he’s got no privacy, but even the most private secrets aren’t hidden to you. You know his birthdate, the birthdate of Pepper Potts, the day his parents were killed, what road they were killed on, who killed them, and so much more.

Your laptop bings with an incoming video call. Stick’s face pops up onto your screen, scowling—as usual. Through the computer’s speakers, his voice is tinny when he asks if you’re in yet.

“Not yet,” you say, biting your lip a bit at the disappointment on his face. Even though Stick’s got no stake in your project, he’s still invested in it, wanting you to succeed just as much as you.

He’s practically your dad. You’d like him to be your father much more than Tony Stark.

“We can have Pom help you tonight, if you want,” he offers. You hesitate before shaking your head. You wouldn’t let Pom anywhere near your laptop even if your life depended on it. Stick’s actual daughter, and therefore your rival, is everything you want to be in life—smart, tall, tattooed, pierced, great at fighting and sneaking, and Stick’s daughter. The only thing she doesn’t have is a great personality, but then again, neither do you.

You wish you could get a tattoo—of what, you don’t know, but you’d like one, like a planet or a flower or a bird. And you’d also like second piercings.

More than once, Pom’s nearly gotten everyone killed on a mission because of her hot head, and you’d had to hack into some tech to save them. She hates being saved, so she hates you, and she’d do anything to sabotage you. Besides, you’re better at hacking than her. She’d probably announce your presence, chipping away at the shields.

You don’t hate her, per se, but you don’t go out of our way to be in the same room as her, mostly because she’ll start trying to pick a fight with you.

“What are you going to do once it’s released?” Stick asks.

You shrug, trying to appear nonchalant, but warmth glows in your stomach at his absolute faith you’ll be able to do it. “Run to Canada, maybe?”

“I’ve got contacts there,” Stick says thoughtfully. “I could probably still help you, all the way from here.”

“Maybe I could still save your asses on missions,” you joke.

“Pom would hate that,” Stick remarks. “Come over whenever. We’ve got booze.”

You gasp as a sudden thought comes to you. “Booze!”

“Well, I didn’t think you’d be so excited—”

“No,” you say loudly, “how much booze Stark drinks! It’s no secret he drinks a lot… what if I get records of how much he drinks and make an article questioning if it’s safe for an alcoholic to be leading the Avengers? I’ve also got records of all the women he gets—I’ve got, like fifteen half-siblings here in New York—he’s an alcoholic and cheating on his wife!”

“All those girls were before he got married,” Stick says, but he’s excited, you can tell.

“Well, they must’ve dated for awhile, right? I’m coming over. Save me some Mike’s. I need to check the dates with Dennis.”

“You got it,” you almost-father-figure says, amused, and ends the chat. You quickly pack up your equipment. Your end may be coming even quicker than expected.

You grab your second backpack from the compartment over the microwave your mother’s all but forgotten about and stuff your equipment into it. And by ‘equipment’, you mean ‘laptop, headphones, and USB drives’. Before leaving, you reach behind your refrigerator and pull out your hoverboard. Being friends with a tech genius sure has its perks, even if you can’t flaunt those perks anywhere but at Stick’s. Then again, where else would you need to flaunt them? The people there are the only ones that matter.

You click the ‘on’ button and step onto the board. You could also ride it on your bum, and sometimes do, but that’s not as cool. The stabilizing tech on this thing allows you to take sharp turns without the board ever getting more than slightly tilted, and ’d included a way to make the board’s surface latch onto your boots when it’s on, so you can’t fall off it either. Best part of it is that you don’t have to charge it—the tech’s regenerating and powered by light, including that of the artificial and moon variety.

You lean forward to start the board’s movement and press down harder with your back heel to gain a little height. You can’t go as high as you’d really like to, because it’s not super dark. You’d prefer to be riding above the trailers in your park, but now you’re just skimming along around the height of your knees if you’d been standing on the ground. The cool air laps against your skin like the ocean. You feel like you’re flying.

Once you enter the trees, you slow down a bit to navigate the different tree trunks and branches. The sounds of the party reach your ears before you see Stick’s base. The base is way into the forest, which doesn’t do much to muffle the sound all that well. It used to be a cabin but was abandoned before Stick found it and decided to claim it. You smile upon seeing it. When you were younger, you’d pretended this place was your real home.

A few people whistle when you emerge from the foliage. You grin and wave, dropping down steadily before turning your board off and tucking it under your arm. Dennis exits the crowd, a scowl on his face. He scowls a lot, just like Stick.

Just like his dad.

He’s got Stick’s dark hair and bushy eyebrows but his chin is more blocky, his cheekbones less evident.

“Stick said you wanted to run some dates by me?” he says immediately. He’s not one for greetings.

“Possibly,” you reply, smiling at a younger girl who’d just placed hard lemonade in your hands. “It’s just a hunch, and I’ve not even looked them up yet. It’s probably just a dead end.”

“Well, it’s better than nothing,” he says emotionlessly and you follow him into the house and up the stairs. The study is soundproof, so even during one of the parties you’re able to research.

Five minutes later, you lean back in your chair and let out a loud sigh. “Well, that was pointless.”

“Say what you will about a murdering alcoholic, he hasn’t once cheated on his wife,” Dennis says sarcastically.

You groan. “Tell me about it.”

“Well, let’s keep with the original plan, then. Wanna frame him for something?” Den offers halfheartedly.

You consider it for a second before shaking your head. “I want him brought down by his own actions.”

“Ooh, kinky,” your friend says blankly before cracking a smile when you giggle. “Oh, wait, have you seen the new YouTube videos? There’s this new superhero called Spiderman.”

“I’ve heard of him,” you say casually, taking a small sip of your lemonade, “but I thought he wasn’t that big of a deal.”

“Depends. He got lucky with Toomes a bit ago, but nearly killed everyone on a cruise ship by baiting some of our people.”

“What an ass,” you say lightly. “Is there a reason you’re bringing him up?”

“Am I not allowed to fangirl about the new superhero on our block?”

“It’s not really like you, no. How’s your boyfriend?”

“He’s still being smart and in Harvard,” Dennis shrugs. “You’d be surprised the number of students who’d give anything for some drugs.”

“We’re still doing that stuff?” You feel slightly put out. You haven’t been to the most recent meetings because you’d been working on your project, but you hadn’t thought you’d miss that much. Dennis should’ve texted you about it. It’s not like he no one else knows about your project; it’s literally your coming-of-age ceremony, so to speak.

“The lower people are, but some of us’ve taken over Toomes’ biz.” Den shrugs again. “I bet I could get Spider-boy in my bed.”

“You could get anyone in your bed,” you laugh.

“Except you.”

“That’s cuz I’ve seen you shit your pants when a rifle was pointed at you.”

“Unfair.”

“When did he ever load it? Never? You should’ve known it was an empty threat.”

“Well excuse me! There’s a reason Vin’s in Harvard and I’m not. Wanna go down now?”

You shrug. “Sure, let’s go.”

“It’s time for you to start training with Dennis,” a familiar voice says behind you.

You turn around, a wide smile on your face. “Stick! What’d you say?”

“It’s time for you to start training with Dennis,” he repeats.

Your grin falters. “Right now?” Normally you’d be all for it, but you’re pleasantly buzzed right now, all your senses dulled by a comforting blanket called ‘alcohol’.

“Den’s got a sobering pill,” Stick says, reading your hesitation correctly. “I let you have your fun, but you’ve gotta remember that you’re not safe as long as you’re continuing with the project.”

Your cheeks burn at his scolding. You set your drink down and follow him into the kitchen, where Dennis hands you a pill and a glass of water silently. After gulping it down, you follow him into the back, where a lone figure stands. The golden strands in her black hair give away her identity.

“She’s all yours, Pom,” Dennis says and goes back into the base.

“Seriously?” you mutter when he passes.

“I heard about your project,” Pom says after a beat. Who hasn’t? You ask silently. “You do realize no matter how incriminating the evidence is, people are gonna wonder how you got it?”

You scowl and say, “Why do you care?”

She flashes a surprised look at you, raising her pale eyebrows. “You’re my friend, of course I care.”

You squint at her. “What?”

Pom squints back at you, tilting her head. “What?”

“Since when are we friends?”

“Since you got me out of that jail,” she responds.

“That was a year ago,” you remark incredulously—around the same time she started trying to punch you— “and you never said anything about it! You just started trying to hit me when I wasn’t looking!”

“Yeah. For training. Is that not how girls do it?” She tucks her hair behind her ears. “That’s how Dennis makes friends.”

“Yeah, well, Dennis is a sociopath. You’ve seriously been thinking we’ve been friends for a year without me saying practically anything to you?”

“We fought,” she points out. “You’re not very good at it, though.”

“Oh, thanks,” you say sarcastically.

“We’re both helping each other, though, and that’s what friends do,” Pom says, sounding pleased.

You scoff, “How on earth could I help you?”

“I need to learn how to do the computer stuff,” Pom admits sheepishly.

You tilt your head at her before shrugging. She’d never shown any interest in hacking before this, but whatever. “I don’t think I’ll be very good at fighting,” you warn.

“That’s what I’m for. And I don’t think I’ll be very good at hacking.”

Turns out that you’re pretty good at punching, but not at dodging.

“Sorry, sorry,” Pom says again but she’s laughing.

You flip her the bird with the hand not used to pinch your bleeding nose.

“How ‘bout we call it a day? It’s nearly eleven,” she suggests. Your eyes widen.

“My mob!” you gurgle.

“I didn’t know you had a mom,” Pom remarks, then winces when she realizes how stupid it sounds. “What’s she gonna do after your project?”

You shrug. “Bot goba be here after. Cabcer.”

Pom winces, saying, “That sucks,” which is so much more refreshing to hear rather than ‘I’m sorry’.

“Doesn’t really batter,” you shrug again. “Don’t like her all that buch, really. That’s probably wrog, right?”

Pom shakes her head. “Blood doesn’t mean shit. Especially when they’re assholes.”

You hesitantly stop pinching your nose and wipe it on your sleeve. “She refuses to get in touch with by gradparets eveb though she’s leavig be a trailer wheb she dies. I’m workig four jobs a day and she’s got—” you hold up one finger.

“What a bitch,” Pom says with disgust.

“You bow what? Fuck her. She cab worry all she wants; I dob’t feel like goig hobe tobight,” you declare loudly.

Pom laughs. “Wanna make some trouble?”

“Let me clean up my face first.”

Peter’s sitting on a fire escape when someone on a motorcycle drives by, way too fast. “Excuse me, sir or miss!” he yells, shooting a web at a building next to them. “You’re going too fast!”

The figure must not hear due to their loud motorcycle, because they don’t even twitch. They just turn a corner into a dark alley.

“Stop!” Peter yells, shooting a web at the bike’s back wheel and missing narrowly. “You’re going to hurt someone! Karen, release the tracker. I’m going to try to get in front of this guy,” Peter commands, swinging into the alley way behind the motorcycle rider.

“Sure, Peter,” Karen says easily. A small metal spider detaches off the shoulder of Peter’s suit and leaps onto the motorcycle just as it turns another corner.

Peter sprints along the rooftops, using his webs whenever possible, until Karen commands for him to stop. Peter jumps to the ground just as the rider roars into the alley. He can see their eyes widen and they skid to a stop just inches away from Peter.

“Dude, you were going way too fast,” he scolds, scowling even though the person wouldn’t be able to see.

The person lifts up their helmet, revealing a pale, thin face and long dark hair. “Sorry,” she says with a rich voice.

“Be careful next time,” Peter says, deepening his voice. “You could’ve hurt someone.”

“Peter,” Karen says suddenly, “there’s a situation at a supermarket across town.

Peter jerks his head up. “Where?”

“To your left,” the girl on the motorcycle giggles. She kicks it into gear and zooms off, but this time her bike’s silent. Peter curses and shoots a web to the top of the building on his left. Sure enough, he can hear screams coming from that direction. He swings to the top just in time to see a flash of light. The girl’s motorcycle roars somewhere behind him, just for a moment.

There’s another flash of light, and for a second Peter swears that someone’s hovering in the air, like something photoshopped against a photo’s background, but when he blinks they’re gone.

“Karen, did you see that?”

“See what, Peter? Are you talking about the person on the hoverboard?”

“Yeah,” Peter says with relief. “That.”

“No,” Peter insists, “I swear, Mr. Stark! Karen saw it too!”

“Your A.I.” Tony’s voice drips with disbelief. “Well, send the video to me, kid. It was probably just a big bird.”

“Got it, Mr. Stark.” Peter hangs up the phone. “Karen, send Mr. Stark the video of the person on the hoverboard.”

“Of course, Peter.”

You and Pom are sitting on a fire escape on the outskirts of New York, eating the candy you’d stolen.

“I bet we could do a bank,” she suddenly says. The very thought gives your stomach that nervous weightless feeling that you get while missing a step going down, or going down the drop on a big rollercoaster.

“Probably,” you say cautiously. “But that would be a bit harder.”

“Oh, definitely, but we’ve done it before.”

“Not just the two of us.”

She shrugs. “We could get Dennis in with us.”

“Speaking of, how mad do you think he’s gonna be that we stole some of his mini-bombs?”

“He’s got millions. He won’t probably even notice, don’t worry,” Pom reassures you. You nod and look away, out at the skyline of New York, looming in front of you, massive.

[fashiontrendin-blog]

Wedding shoes: Styles for the fashion-forward bride

http://fashion-trendin.com/wedding-shoes-styles-for-the-fashion-forward-bride/

Wedding shoes: Styles for the fashion-forward bride

Words by Megan C. Hills

There’s no denying that your wedding dress is going to be the sartorial star of the day, but your footwear is where you can add a dash of personality to your outfit. There’s a lot of things to consider when it comes to your shoes (colour, style, comfort and more) and we’ve rounded up what we think are the best wedding shoes, combining classic cool with statement pieces fresh off our SS18 fashion trend report.

Gone are the days of the staid blocky heel, with both affordable high street retailers and luxe fashion brands jazzing up footwear for fashion-savvy brides. There’s all manner of styles for both the shoe-obsessed diva and demure princess and we’ve also thrown in a number of different heights depending on your comfort level – after all, you’re going to be standing around for photographs for an awful long time.

Low-key brides can’t go wrong with simple classics by L’Intervalle or Jimmy Choo, while jaw-dropping heels by Gianvito Rossi or Charlotte Olympia will have you looking runway ready in no time.A pop of colour is always a welcome touch as well, whether that comes in the form of a romantic scarlet appliqué, subtle floral detailing or something blue.

Spending big bucks isn’t a necessity either as ASOS, New Look, Topshop and Next have really turned things out this season with snowy shades and soft metallics dominating the colour palette. (Plus, high street wedding dresses have really stepped up their game in recent years.)  Check out some of our favourites below.

Flat wedding shoes

Rene Caovilla 10mm Embellished Straps Silk Satin Flats, £605, Luisaviaroma

Channel your inner royal with these grand satin flats by Rene Caovilla. With a cross strap crafted from real Swarovski crystals and imitation pearls, it’s naturally got the iconic Rene Caovilla glitter sole for a bit of extra sparkle on your wedding day.

Buy now

Wedding shoes wedge

The Row Flora Leather Mules, £760, NET-A-PORTER

If you can’t stand the thought of standing around in heels all day but still want a bit of lift, these gorgeous wedges from The Row are a sleek take on the style. Crafted from Italian leather and a thick wooden heel, they’re a pair that’ll go beyond your wedding day – pair it with trainers and a slouchy winter coat and you’re well into fashion blogger territory.

Buy now

Wedding shoes in silver

GRETAL V-Cut Block Heels, £49, Topshop

The saving grace on these show stopping shoes is the thick block heel – vital if you’re the kind of bride who’s going to tear up the dance floor after being on your feet all day. With a dramatic V-cut and fierce pointed toe, these wedding shoes are definitely a shout for the edgier bride.

Buy now

Wedding shoes ivory

SJP by Sarah Jessica Parker 70mm Heirloom Embellished Satin Pumps, £591, Luisaviaroma

When it comes to shoes, in SJP we trust. These beautiful ivory wedding shoes from her line are a wedding classic, with a minimal crystal detail and a bolt of periwinkle on the heel for extra luck.

Buy now

Wedding shoes white

True Decadence Satin Ankle Tie Barely There Heeled Sandal, £28, ASOS

A tie fastening on a heel always adds a dash of sexiness to any outfit and these white wedding shoes are bang on trend. With a high 10cm heel, satin uppers and and open toe to show off your fancy pedicure, it helps that they’re incredibly affordable so you can splash out on the dress.

Buy now

Wedding shoes blue

Pale Blue Suedette Pointed Court Shoes, £17.99, New Look

These airy blue shoes will have you walking on clouds all day. With a suedette finish and three inch stiletto heel, it’s a simple silhouette ideal for ladies with a more dramatic dress – plus, they cost less than £20.

Buy now

Wedding shoes in gold

Strappy Open Toe Sandal, £49, CHARLES & KEITH

A metallic heel is always a great shout and we’re particularly in love with these strappy standouts from CHARLES & KEITH. Blink and you’ll miss it – the pearl detail on the stiletto heel is everything.

Buy now

With this edit of the best high heels, pumps  and flats, there’s no excuse for footwear to be a bland afterthought. Whether you’re wearing one of the most popular wedding dresses on Pinterest or striking out on your own in a bold coloured gown, these are the best wedding shoes that’ll see you through whatever your outfit choice. And be prepared to make these babies work hard – we fully expect to see you cutting a rug on the reception dance floor.

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