#Bottom Eyelash Extension

[sumieyelashes]

How to Upgrade Your Beauty Game with Bottom Eyelash Extensions

For eye-enhancing, people tend to aim for upper lash extensions to create a perfect party look or boost the beauty game. Bottom Eyelash Extensions can change your appearance by building a more symmetrical and defined look. Subtle touches add some framing around the eyes, offering symmetry and further enhancing the upper lashes. Read More….

[1818havefaith]

90s/2000s SOFT GLAM

PRODUCTS

Primer

Baby Powder

Tinted Moisturiser or a Foundation

Concealer

Pressed powder

Setting Powder

Brow gel

Blush

Black Eyeliner/Black Eyeshadow

Lash Glue/ Bonding Glue

Light False Eyelashes/ Mascara

Dark Brown/ Dark Plum/ Black Lip Pencil

Pink Lipstick or Pink Lip Gloss

Clear Lip Gloss

Setting Spray

TOOLS

Beauty blender

Concealer brush

Small eye brush

BASE

Apply primer all over your face (including your eyelids) and work it into your skin

#faithtip Apply baby powder all over your face with a powder brush for a long-lasting oil-proof base

Apply concealer to your under eyes following your eyeshape

Blend well with a small brush

Apply tinted moisturiser or foundation to skin

Blend well with a damp beauty blender

#faithtip: dampen your beauty blender with setting spray for easier blending and a longer lasting matte base

Take a powder brush and some pressed powder and apply all over your face

Now, using a powder puff or a beauty blender, apply loose powder to your under eyes following your eye shape.

BROWS

Brush through your eyebrows with brow gel

Fill in if preferred

EYES

Use black eyeliner to follow/ enhance the shape of your eye

There are tutorials on this blog that feature how to draw different eyeliner wings for your specific eye shape

You can use a brush to make your wing look softer inside but keep the outer part of your wing sharp.

LASHES

If you wear light lash extensions these next steps can be skipped

Curl your lashes then apply mascara

If you prefer, after this step apply light cluster lashes to your eye

If you choose a light pair of strip lashes, apply the mascara after putting on the lashes

STRIP LASHES

But for this step apply glue to strip lashes

Wave the lashes around for a bit so the glue dries a tiny bit and feels a little bit sticky

Place them on the lash line and adjust where needed (using tweezers or fingers)

CLUSTER LASHES

Strip lashes can also be cut into smaller pieces or use cluster lashes

Dip them into glue and wipe off the excess

Use tweezers to hold the lashes

Pull the top of your eyelid upwards so you can see underneath your eyelashes

#faithtip Wipe the glue on the part you are applying to then you can dip the lash in glue again before actually placing it underneath your lash

This make the lashes more firm and secure

Make sure it is not too close to your eye as this can be irritating

Fan your eyes if you can still feel wet glue

BACK TO THE BASE

Using a powder brush, brush away/blend out the loose powder, under your eyes

Blend VERY well, as the powder has been sat on your face for a while, so it will not move easily

After blending, for a more highlighted look apply a lighter setting powder to the inner corners of your and allow it to sit for some time, whilst you apply blush to your cheeks/cheekbones

LIPS

A common hack from this time was holding a lighter slightly close to your lip liner to melt it a little bit, making it easier to apply and slightly darker

Line your top and bottom lip

Appy a pink lip gloss or lipstick in the middle

Go over your lip liner if you must

Blend your lip liner slightly

Apply a clear lip gloss or keep it matte in true 90s essence

FINISHING TOUCHES...

Swipe away the remaining setting powder

Spray setting spray all over your face

...and DONE! xx

[ladykailitha]

The Last Dragon Slayer Part 2

Gosh! It has been far too long since I put out the first chapter (SEVEN WEEKS!!), so I definitely recommend rereading that!

Pt 1

In this we have Steffan and Edwin getting to know each other a bit.

~

Life was slow for Steffan for the first time in all his young years. He wanted for nothing. The dragon Edgewraith and by extension his servant, Edwin provided him everything he could ever want. Fine clothes, good food, and better company.

Edgewraith was witty and sardonic and Edwin was clever and wise.

Was it strange that the two were never in the same room at the same time? Of course it was. Steffan was not fooled. But he understood the need for it. After all, he was a former dragon slayer.

So Steffan quietly basked in the attention from both.

“Steffan?” Edwin called from the entrance to the cave. “Could you come help me with something?”

Steffan smiled from his place by the fire. He had been learning to whittle as something to do while his friend was away. He stood up and brushed the wood dust from his pants and walked to the entrance.

There next to Edwin were two large buck carcasses. They were beautiful and dried properly would last them all winter.

“Edgewraith did a fine job,” Steffan murmured and Edwin turned pink. “I’ll be happy to help you butcher them.”

They got to work, quickly stripping away the hide from the flesh and meat from the bone. “Why doesn’t the dragon butcher them with his claws? Surely he could make shift work of them.”

Edwin giggled. “Sure, if you want the hide rent into strips and the bones cracked into the meat. He’s great for killing and eating the beasts whole, not some much the precision of butchering.”

Steffan blinked for a moment and then nodded. “Point taken. Have you been with the dragon long?” He ducked his head to hide his smile and looked up at the other man through his eyelashes.

Edwin shoved his hair in front of his face to hide his blush and then realized his hands were covered in blood and other animal byproduct. “Oh gross!”

Steffan laughed and gently pulled off his gloves, careful not get anything on his hands. He grabbed a nearby bucket that had water in it for clean up. He cupped his hands and filled them with water. He brought the water over to Edwin and tenderly rinsed away the blood and guts.

“There you go,” he murmured. They were so close. Just a breath away from each other. Steffan wondered what it would be like to just. Let. Go.

Suddenly there was a blast from behind them of the local herald bringing the sheep to the bottom of the mountain.

Steffan stepped back and said softly, “I’ll go grab the sheep, you finish up here.”

Edwin nodded shyly and allowed Steffan to move past him. Edwin looked over his shoulder and watched as the former knight vanished over the hill.

By the time Steffan returned, the meat was curating and Edwin had cleaned himself and everything up.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t more help,” Steffan murmured, following Edwin through the caves with the three new sheep in tow. “And that comment about Edgewraith not doing the work was uncalled for.”

“It’s all right,” Edwin said with a shrug. “The work got done and it was a fair question. I know you meant no harm.”

“I’m glad, because no offense was meant.” Steffan let the sheep into the pen, joining their sisters in their bleating. “If you would like, I could make dinner as recompense.”

Edwin smiled. He had learned early on that Steffan was really good making good food that lasted a long time. “That would be wonderful.”

Steffan smiled back. “Do you think that I could go rabbit hunting tomorrow? Maybe even catch a few game birds.”

“Poaching on the king’s property?” Edwin teased. “Whatever shall you do next?”

Steffan grinned. “As if the farmers and shepherds don’t go a hunting on the king’s land,” he said with a scoff. “In fact I’ll ask one of the kids that like to try and sneak up the mountain for a peak at the dragon where the best game hunting is.”

Edwin cackled. “Those kids,” he said shaking his head. “They should be careful or Edgewraith will catch them and they’ll die of fright.”

“Of excitement, maybe,” Steffan teased back. “I saw one of them with a black kite the other day. Shaped like our dragon friend.”

Edwin turned pink again but this time there was nothing to stop him from shoving his hair in his face to hide his blush.

“That’s cute,” Edwin murmured. “But he is dangerous and these steep mountain hills just as. I’ll tell them off.”

Steffan snorted, shaking his head. “I’ve tried, perhaps you’ll fair better.”

Edwin grinned. “I know just the thing to dissuade them from climbing up the mountain.” He walked over to a chest and pulled out a small-ish box. It was old and battered, but clearly loved.

He opened it and Steffan peered around his shoulder to see inside. It’s filled with toys and old clothes, much too small for either of them.

“What’s all this then?” Steffan asked, curiously.

“These are for dress-up,” Edwin said simply, “children, no matter the age love dressing up. Times change the characters not the joy.”

Steffan smiled fondly. Edwin again spoke if he was older than his tender face belied. He hoped one day that Edwin would find the courage to tell him he was the dragon, but until then he would keep his friend’s secret.

“I’ve been whittling of late,” he said brightly. “Perhaps I could make toy swords and shields.”

Edwin’s eyes lit up. “That would be grand idea!” He grabbed Steffan by the wrist. “Come, I’ll show you where keep the best wood.”

Steffan laughed as he followed him to another portion of the cave.

“This is where I–” Edwin stopped with a blush. “where Edgewraith keeps the wood for making furniture and the like, the rest goes for kindling and firewood.”

The wood was beautiful. He went through the pile admiring the different kinds of wood. He looked back at Edwin. “Are you sure you wish me to use this for toys?”

Edwin nodded. “Of course. I won’t need it for some time, and I know where to get more. That’s the best part about living with a dragon, you can get far quickly and return.”

Steffan gathered up what he would need and then Edwin showed him where he could find the tools he would need.

“Living long sure has its perks,” Steffan teased. “Always learning new skills.”

Edwin frowned at him a moment. “What do you mean?”

Steffan blanched, realizing he had slipped up. He coughed and turned his head. “Being able to spot good wood from so high up, that must have taken Edgewraith quite some time to learn.”

Edwin blinked for a moment. “Oh! Right. Of course. I thought you had meant me. That would be silly.”

“Very,” Steffan said dryly. He stood up with his load. “It shouldn’t take me very long to finish these. They don’t have to be battle ready after all. Just balanced enough that children can play with them.”

“I’ll air out the clothes and see if any of the other props need fixing,” Edwin said, smiling brightly.

Steffan smiled back and let the excited man lead him back into the cave proper.

~

It took them two days and during those two days Edgewraith would perch at the bottom of the mountain on an outcropping, daring the children to try and climb up the mountain. But as the children were there to see him and so it’s really win/win.

Then Edwin and Steffan come down the mountain with their treasures. There are four children who come every day with a trio of girls who only come if they finish their chores in time.

Matthew likes to believe he’s the leader, but it’s Dylan. Laurus and Wymond kept out of that particular pissing match, content to just play. Laurus’s father was a Moor by way of Rome who had settled in the area and was too good a blacksmith for anyone to think twice about the color of his skin. Matthew and Wymond were sons of shepherds and Dylan was the son of a well known seamstress.

The girls were Eligia, Laurus’s little sister, Eliwen, the daughter of the king’s watch, and Morwen. Well, it was technically Morwenna, but she would bite you if you dared call her that. Her mother was a barmaid at one of the town’s taverns.

All the kids were there waiting to see the dragon. They were surprised to see not one, but two men coming down from the dragon’s cave.

“Has the dragon taken you prisoner?” Matthew asked. “Because we can help you escape if you want.”

“You can’t just ask if someone is a prisoner, Matthew!” Morwen huffed, smacking the back of the boy’s head.

Steffan and Edwin laughed. “No, we’re not prisoners,” Edwin promised. “We help the dragon do things that it cannot in exchange for protection and food and shelter.”

“Have you seen the dragon’s hoard?” Dylan asked excitedly, rubbing his hands together.

This time Morwen smacked the back of his head. “Were the lot of you raised in a barn? God. You’ll pardon these idiots. They have but one brain cell between them.”

Edwin cackled. “It’s all right.” He turned to Dylan. “I have see the dragon’s hoard, but not every dragon hoards gold and silver, and precious gems. What do you think the dragon, Edgewraith, hoards?”

“I bet it’s books!” Wymond said excitedly. “My mother is teaching me to read and do math. I know I would hoard books if I was a dragon,” he added wistfully.

“No!” Matthew huffed, crossing his arms. “I bet it’s the skulls of his enemies, like when he posted the head of the last dragon slayer!”

Steffan and Edwin shared a glance.

“That’s vulgar, Matthew!” Eliwen said. “Did your mother raise you in a barn?”

Matthew blinked at her a moment. “No, but I was raised in a pasture, does that count?”

Eliwen sputtered and stammered trying to get herself out of that one while the rest of the children laughed.

Steffan decided to take the attention off the poor girl and brought forth their prizes. “Come see what we brought you.”

All the kids swarmed the trunk and gasped when Edwin opened it with flourish. There were dresses and robes and capes of all shapes and sizes. Crowns, tiaras, rods, and wands were littered among the swords and shields Steffan had made.

“This will be for your use,” Edwin explained. He held up one finger. “On the condition you don’t go climbing that mountain to see the dragon. He’ll still come and visit on occasion, but every day, either Steffan or I or both will bring the trunk down for you to play with. And then when the sun begins to set, we’ll take it back up so that it doesn’t get ruined by the elements.”

All children agreed to the terms. And they tore the box with all the thrill and excitement they had in their little bodies.

Then Edwin and Steffan sat back to watch over their play.

~

Steffan enjoyed his time in the afternoons with the children. He would do the chores in the morning with Edwin, watch the children in the afternoon, and then spend the evening with the dragon.

Sometimes Edwin would come with him, but most of the time, he would stay in the cave. Steffan knew that this was when he would transform back into a dragon to hunt and search for supplies.

Steffan was stoking the fire to make bread when Edwin came in, startling the former knight. An ember sparked from stove landing on his leg.

“Steffan!” Edwin cried, “Your leg!”

“Oh!” Steffan cried, pulling the ember off his leg and tossing it into the fire. He brushed out the small flame in his pants with a sigh. “I liked these pants, for goodness sake.”

Edwin hurried over to him and checked his leg. But there was no mark at all. “Are you not hurt? Did it not burn?”

Steffan ducked his head to hide the flush of shame that darkened his cheeks. “A father’s blessing to the son he gave away. He made it so that Dragon’s Fire would never burn me. It has some rather unfortunate side effects.”

“Like not knowing you’re on fire?” Edwin asked with raised eyebrows. “That is pretty incredible. But seriously, you’re not hurt?”

Steffan smiled at Edwin. “Truly, I am not hurt. Just a pair of ruined pants is all. Maybe later, I’ll cut them up for scraps.”

“If that is what you wish,” Edwin said, “but how goes the baking?”

“Well,” Steffan huffed a bit of laughter, “other than setting myself on fire, it’s going pretty good. I was about to put the first loaf in.”

Edwin looked at the fire for a moment and cocked his head to the side as he considered it. “I’d wait another five minutes and then it’ll be perfect.”

Steffan stood up and cocked his head to side curiously. “Did the dragon teach you how to do that trick? Knowing how hot the fire is?”

He hoped this would be the opportunity Edwin needed to admit he was Edgewraith. But no.

“Something like that,” he said with a snort derision. “I’ll go bring you more firewood to keep the heat up.”

Steffan shook his head fondly as Edwin walked away muttering to himself about being more careful. He sighed and stoked the fire again. Then at the five minute mark, he put the bread into the oven.

~

Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Tag List: FIVE SLOTS REMAINING

1- @itsall-taken @zerokrox-blog @sadisticaltarts @dolphincliffs @chaotic-waffle

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @cryptid-system @kultiras @themoonagainstmers

3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji @dreamercec @blondie1006

5- @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @genderless-spoon @fearieshadow @thesecondfate

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

7- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth

8- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @just-a-tiny-void @w1ll0wtr33 @beelze-the-bubkiss

9- @wheneverfeasible @notaqueenakhaleesi @stripey82 @estrellami-1 @irregular-child

[verussy]

y'all asking why max 'blush blindness, lips most of us would pay for, big blue eyes, eyelash extensions, itty-bitty waist, milf chested, scrunkly-faced, covers his mouth while he giggles, tucks his imaginary hair behind his ear, loves to be manhandled by men, praise kink, meowing on livestream' verstappen is sometimes categorized as a bottom? there's no culture anymore

[jam3sacaster]

Merry Christmas, angel.

(Rivals) Rupert Campbell-Black x Reader

Suggestion by sweet @nebulastarr 🫶🏽

18+ FANFIC / Soft Christmassy Rupert with a smut! 🎄 Reader character aged at 21. Hope you enjoy! 🩷

Penscombe Court this Christmas was equivalent to a winter wonderland — a blanket of glittering snow covered the extensive fields, filling the cups of ivory snowdrops. Draped across the hallway, sitting room and kitchen were lengths of shimmery tinsel, shades of gold, red and green. Warm amber lights were pushed into any gaps not adorned in tinsel. The magnificent Christmas tree shone in the corner of the sitting room. And displayed around it was a mountainous pile of presents, wrapped slovenly but lovingly by Rupert. Your overexcited boyfriend led you down the winding staircase, his hands clamped over your eyes. “Santa has arrived, my darling.” He purred into your ear as he led you into the sitting room.

“Surprise!” He roared, removing his hands and watching as you blinked — slowly at first — in absolute awe. “My God!” You muttered, convinced that Rupert had ransacked Santa’s sleigh himself. “Rupert!” You giggled fantastically once more, turning to your lover to see him adorned in a Santa costume, his hat dangling gently from his head. The contented grin painted over his face filled your heart with unbridled joy. “Merry Christmas, angel.” Rupert exclaimed, wrapping his arms around you and planting a gentle kiss upon your lips. Your hazelnut eyes scanned the heap of presents, fingers itching to rip them open. “Can I start?” You asked, batting wispy eyelashes towards him. Rupert gave you a solemn nod, and watched as you collapsed onto the floor, desperately tugging at sparkling gold wrapping paper.

As predicted, Rupert had spent a fortune. Sitting on the chaise lounge with a gratified smirk, Rupert watched as you unwrapped the entire lookbook of your favourite boutique, a towering pair of stilettos, incredibly luxurious makeup and a set of curlers. He was surprisingly timid when opening his own gifts, kissing your forehead softly after every one — eternally grateful but regretful that you spent your own money. “I have one last thing for you.” You chirped, retrieving a compact red parcel from behind the couch. The small silver label read, ‘To my darling Rupert, Merry Christmas!’ Rupert winked towards you as he read it, carefully peeling open the gift. Inside the box, sat a golden Cartier watch, bedazzled and imposing. Beside it, a matching golden bracelet. You had never seen such a look of bewilderment on Rupert’s face — utter adoration and total shock. “Angel…” He whispered, running his fingers over the metallic strap of the watch. “Do you like it?” You asked expectantly, biting down on your bottom lip in suspense. “I love it!” Rupert boomed, setting it down gently on the plush purple fabric of the chaise lounge and pulling you onto his lap, kissing you passionately and stroking his fingers through your curled cocoa locks.

“You’re such a special girl, do you know that?” He purred, his brutish hands caressing the velvety skin of your thigh. You nuzzled your forehead into his chest, the plush red fuzz of the Santa costume sending shivers down your spine and his new aftershave intoxicating. “And because you’re such a special girl, I’ve got one more present for you. Follow me.” He beamed, taking a hold of your hand and leading you to the driveway. “Why are we going outside?” You begin to ask, but your jaw promptly swung open at the sight of a scarlet red Ferrari F40, a huge red bow tied across the bonnet. “Rupert!” You bellowed, padding barefoot onto the driveway and screaming uncontrollably in excitement. “You deserve it,” Rupert grinned, “So, let’s say we christen it? In the name of Christmas, of course.” He teased, beginning to untie his Santa coat and ripping down his trousers.

[daydreams-after-dark]

Okay but I need another installment of Free Use 3racha cause wtf Sorsha 🥵🥵🥵🤪

3racha, free use… just some thoughts 3/♾️

this is not a storyline, just hard thoughts and drabbles.

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4

⚠️ MDNI / smut

// Dollification // CW reader dressed up as a doll. Penetrative sex (all holes), cum dump, squirting, body worship, aftercare, role play, vaginal fingering.

Sometimes Binnie does this thing where he pretends he’s a “dollmaker” and you’re his creation (his “doll”) and he dresses you up pretty, then shares you with his friends Chan and Jisung.

Tonight he’s made you up in a pretty pink organza layered dress with white thigh high stays ups and cute little white ankle boots that have a bow on top.

He’s got you in full eyelash extensions, perfect makeup with rosie cheeks and crimson lips. He’s even popped a wig on you, creating luscious curls that frame your face perfectly.

“Such a good doll. So perfect.” He whispers as his plush lips brush your powdered cheeks. “You’ll be played with real soon, my pretty little bunny.”

You don’t move. You don’t react. You just lay on the bed where Changbin has set you up and stare into the middle distance with unfocused eyes.

You hear the front door open. Chan and Jisung are home. Then whispers in the hallway outside the bedroom.

Your little crotchless panties are soaking as you anticipate how the three of them might play with you.

You see them enter the bedroom. Jisung looks beyond excited to see you on display so pretty. Chan sucks in a breath and rakes his eyes over you.

“What a pretty little doll.” He says as he strips off his clothes. You don’t react even though you know he’s completely naked.

Jisung climbs on the bed next to you. He’s naked too. “So pretty.” He whispers in a deep, husky voice. He strokes your cheek, and drags his thumb along your bottom lip. “You’ve done well, Changbin. You know why I love dolls so much?” He tugs your mouth open. “They don’t need to breathe.” He chuckles.

“They don’t answer back either.” Chan adds pumping his cock.

“Can I fill up her mouth, Bin?” Jisung turns to Changbin who looks like he’s a proud inventor. “You can do whatever you want to her. I’ve made her robust, and she is easily wiped clean.” He says proudly.

“Is that so?” Chan nods impressed. “Mind if I explore her parts?”

Jisung quickly climbs onto your chest and takes your face in his hands. He whispers as he rubs his leaking cock head along your lip. You drop your jaw open, allowing Jisung to slip his cock into your mouth. He holds you so carefully, like your precious, slowing sliding more and more in with each gentle thrust.

“You’re the perfect size. You fit my cock perfectly. Made for cock, aren’t you?” He pants as he starts to fuck your face. You don’t react, but your eyes water as Jisung builds a relentless rhythm.

Meanwhile, you feel your legs being pried open and Chan curse under his breath. “She’s so wet!” He exclaims.

“She’s self lubricating.” Binnie explains. “Also. If you play with her long enough, and push all the right buttons, she squirts.”

You almost whimper when chan runs his finger through your dripping slit. “Have you fucked her cunt?” Chan asks.

“I haven’t.” Binnie says softly. “Been trying to get her just perfect for all of us.”

“I think you should go first.” Chan shuffles to the side.

Within moments, Changbin is pushing his fat cock into your tight little pussy.

“She takes you well.” Chan observes. “Stretches perfectly, sucks you back in.”

Jisung grips the headboard as he thrusts into you relentlessly, causing you to gag.

Chan picks up your hand and wraps it around his thick, veiny cock and uses it to jerk him off.

You feel so special as your lovers play with you like you’re the best toy they’ve ever owned.

Binnie fucks your pussy perfectly, Chan feels good in your hand, and Jisung, well he’s your favourite cock to choke on.

“I’m fucking coming.” Announces Jisung as he spurts thick ropes of cum into your mouth. You keep your mouth open when he pulls out, dragging saliva and cum out onto your chin. “So messy little plaything.” He grins and kisses your forehead.

Binnie follows, and with a loud growl he cums deep in your cunt.

Over the next few hours they continue to play with you. They take turns trying out your pussy, cumming deep inside you. They fill your mouth again and again with their cum. They flip you over and spank you. They play with your ass with a vibrator. They bend, twist and contort you to suit their needs.

They cut your clothes off so you’re naked and lick every inch of your skin.

You are the best little doll they could have hoped for, letting them do everything they want.

You love it too. The attention. The role play. The feeling of fully submitting to them.

They make you come over and over, and eventually, with Chan buried deep in your ass, Jisung four fingers into your pussy, and Changbin lodged in your throat, you are driven over the edge one final time and squirt all over them.

They take their time to clean you up, running a bath and soaking you. Chan washes your body, Jisung changes the sheets and finds your pyjamas. Changbin makes you a hot chocolate.

They tuck you into bed and curl up beside you. “So we know what buttons to press to make do squirt, babygirl.” Chan grins and kisses your cheek.

You close your eyes knowing that this will be their goal every time they fuck you now.

………

A/n I’ve had dollification on my mind since a little convo with @palindrome969 😘😘😘

@channieandhisgoonsquad @noellllslut @itsseohannbin @weareapackofstrays @kangnina @3rachasdomesticbanana @palindrome969 @xxkissesforchanniexx @chuuchuu1224 @fun-fanfics @wolfennracha

[naughtyneganjdm]

Love's Second Chance: A Holiday Reunion - Chapter 15

Summary: Joel wakes up half naked in bed, foggy of what happened during the middle of the night. When he remembers, it makes Joel learn something about himself that he's not willing to accept just yet. Everyone shares their final day together in New York City and emotions are high when Joel begins to realize that he is confused with what he wants in life in terms of Negan and Y/N.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Negan Smith, Elizabeth, Peter, Maggie, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60501985/chapters/156789391

Warnings: Swearing, angst, two men sharing some smuttiness on their own, dirty talk, heavy touching, did I mention angst? there is a lot of it, Joel is kind of mean in this (but he's going through things), etc.

Notes: If you have a problem with two men being together, I suggested avoiding the first scene in this chapter. I also want to stress that this is a story where someone is having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that they are bisexual due to some abusive situations that they experienced when they were younger. That could be triggering to some. This chapter is also VERY VERY LONG. Thanks for those that read the story! I appreciate all of you. I'm also sorry that this was put up so late. I was really busy yesterday and this was long so I needed the time to edit it properly.

Groaning out, Joel felt an overwhelming ache in his head. Burying his face deeper into his pillow, Joel tried to focus on something other than the pain. Everything hurt right now. Attempting to open his eyes, Joel realized that everything was a blur. Forcing his eyes closed, he hissed out and tried to get more comfortable. Every muscle in his body was fatigued. Even though Joel was used to having a very physical job, the last two days had worn him out.

Clinging to the cold sheets beneath him, Joel’s palms curled into a tight fist. Trying to focus, Joel couldn’t even pull together where he was right now. Struggling to open his eyes again, Joel grumbled under his breath and turned his head. Hell, his eyesight was still hazy. Focusing on what happened that led him here made him think about the bar. After he talked to Negan in the alleyway, Joel remembered going back in with Tommy. Truthfully? He drank a lot. Him, Tommy and Negan all seemed to drink extensively last night. People were buying Joel drinks and he wasn’t turning them down. And now he regretted it. Because that hangover was hitting him and it was hitting him hard.

Waiting a few minutes, Joel’s eyelashes fluttered to an open. Even though everything was still fuzzy, he forced himself to keep his eyes open. By the time everything came into focus for him, Joel could see that it was dark. For a moment? He forgot where he was.

Using the strength that he did have, he outstretched his arm to hit at the nightstand that was beside the bed that he was laying in. Amongst the dark, the vibrant red colored lights showed that it was four in the morning. What the fuck happened?

Gazing over his shoulder, Joel lifted his head up from the bed. And really? He didn’t do it very well. His eyes were narrowed and he was still unbelievably tired. Still, his eyes had a hard time focusing until he realized the large glass panel wall that was at the bottom of his bed. It was his room in the apartment that Negan had taken them to. Cussing to himself, Joel dropped his head back into the pillow and adjusted his body.

Starting to come to, Joel grunted when he realized that his lower half was cold. Lifting up just enough, Joel looked down between him and the bed. A slur of curse words fell from his lips when he finally realized he was naked below the waist. The sheets were hanging loosely at the bottom of his bare ass. Swiftly lowering back down to the bed, Joel was afraid to learn more.

Swallowing down hard, he squeezed his eyes shut and attempted to remember what the hell happened last night. The last thing he remembered fully? Having Y/N pull him out to dance with her at the bar. Even though he didn’t want to and he could barely stand on his feet. And while he wished like hell that he remembered the conversation, all he knew as that it was a serious one. That was really the last thing he could remember.

The warmth of an arm wrapping around his waist caused his whole body to tense up.

“Oh shit,” Joel stammered, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. The weight of another body shifted behind him alerting him to the fact that he wasn’t alone. And that’s when the panic started to set in. Last night? Joel was very, very emotional about things. The alcohol likely didn’t help either.

Fuck, remembering the details of what happened took way too long. Why the fuck was he blanking in that moment?

Small flashes of memories were starting to come back. He remembered Y/N and Negan having to help him back to the apartment. Stumbling through the streets of New York at night. Even though he could barely stand he was singing in the somewhat still busy streets. It had Negan laughing, but something inside of him made him think that Y/N wasn’t too happy with him. Then again, he didn’t think she was happy with Negan either.

Then he remembered being sat down in the kitchen with Negan while Y/N made them coffee. Again, the discussion that all of them had was but a blur. He knew it had something to do with the three of them. But he didn’t remember what it was for or what the outcome of it was. All he knew was that things had been tense after he had almost been caught by Tommy with Negan in that alleyway.

That’s when it hit him.

Looking over his shoulder, Joel let out a strained breath when the small amount of light allowed him to see who was laying beside him. And that was Negan.

Dropping his head back down onto the pillow, Joel tried to recount everything that happened last night. Closing his eyes, he focused hard recalling that he stumbled his way up the stairs. Sat alone to himself in his room for a while. Letting his emotions run wild until Negan came up to his room. Joel had been sitting in one of the chairs by the window when Negan came in and asked to talk. Joel really didn’t give him an answer, he just allowed Negan to do what he wanted.

“I know that I’m probably one of the last people that you want to talk to right now,” Negan had commented, lowering himself down to the corner of Joel’s bed at the bottom. Staring out at Joel, Negan shrugged his shoulders and took a minute to think about what he wanted to say. “I’ve been thinking about this since we’ve talked. And I’m sorry. You’re right. I put you on the spot. And it was wrong. I would have been shitting my fucking pants if I was in your position too. I don’t care how big my sack is. I just didn’t tell you because I was fucking worried you wouldn’t come. Y’know?”

After Negan said that, Joel didn’t respond. Which made Negan nervous and he just continued to ramble continuously about why he did what he did. Explaining that he wanted Joel to be happy. That he wanted Joel to be able to live his dream. It was everything you would want to hear from someone that you trusted. But for some reason? Joel still stayed quiet about everything.

Beside Joel, Negan was also laying face down with his head buried in the pillow. Deep in sleep. It made Joel wonder how long he had been there like that. Taking a quick glance back at the nightstand, Joel’s eyes fell to a bottle of lube that was tipped over on its side. Suddenly his heart started to hammer in his chest. He wanted to blame the alcohol for being so out of it, but at the end of the day he was pretty sure that it was exhaustion that caused it. But now that he was starting to remember what happened with Negan it made him begin to get anxious.

After Negan did his extensive apology, he realized that Joel may have not been in the mood to forgive him so he went to get up. When Negan stood to leave, Joel stood up too. And the next thing he knew he was slamming Negan up against the glass panel window. Demanding a kiss from Negan like he had wanted to do in the alley before Tommy had interrupted them.

“Oh fuck,” Joel rolled over onto his back, looking up at the ceiling. Reaching up, he rubbed at his eyes and felt the sheets tugging at his hips. The room felt like it was spinning with his heart rate elevated.

A few hours ago? Joel had sex with Negan. And only Negan.

Licking his lips, Joel reached for the sheets again to pull them up slightly. Underneath, Negan was completely naked only confirming for Joel what had happened. Dropping the sheet back down, Joel swallowed down hard.

Maybe part of him was fired up about everything that happened. Maybe part of him was confused. But one thing he remembered thoroughly now was the kissing. It was hungry. Passionate. Forceful. Both of them fighting for dominance in the moment. He remembered the way that Negan touched him. How good it felt in the moment and how he wanted more of it.

More of it is exactly what he got. It could have been the liquid courage, but there was an eagerness for Joel to get his pants off. To let Negan have him. In ways he never expected to let another man have him.

When he closed his eyes, he could still remember what it felt like. How Negan went above and beyond to make him comfortable. Proving to Joel that Negan knew exactly what he was doing. What Joel expected to hurt actually felt good after getting over the hurdle of being nervous. Negan was meticulous with his fingers helping to prepare Joel and get him ready for what Joel desperately wanted. All the while making sure to keep Joel’s sounds muffled since they were on the second floor which was dangerous in itself.

He remembered allowing Negan to flip him over onto his stomach. How he enjoyed the way it felt when Negan entered him slowly giving Joel time to adjust to the way things felt. He could still hear the sounds of Negan’s muted moans in his ears, the smacks of Negan’s hips up against his ass with every move that their bodies made together. How Negan’s fingers hooked with his and Negan talked him through everything. Then he remembered having to bite his fist to keep himself from making a noise when he experienced his first prostate orgasm.

Wincing out, Joel’s eyes opened when he felt an ache straining at his body. Raising the sheets, he took notice of is semi-erect cock resting at his lower abdomen. Cussing out to himself, he dropped the sheet back down and threw his head into the pillow. Just thinking about it had him getting hard. What the fuck was he thinking?

Gazing over at Negan, Joel outstretched his fingers to touch Negan’s arm having him shift in the bed beside him. Joel’s breathing grew labored remembering that after Negan took Joel, he allowed Joel to have him afterwards. Unlike Negan, Joel was not as careful about things. Actually, he felt kind of bad remembering how he was. Rough. Powerful. Desperately wanting to chase the orgasm that was building up inside of him.

“Fuck, you have to stop,” Joel demanded of himself noticing that his body was getting way too worked up over the memories of what they had done. Everything had Joel’s body on fire, his heart hammering away inside of his chest. How the fuck was he going to explain this? Even to himself? There was no explanation really. Things just happened and he allowed them to happen.

With a loud exhale, Joel noticed that Negan’s long eyelashes started to flutter to an open. A rush of panic flooded Joel’s veins. What the fuck was he supposed to say after everything? This wasn’t a dream. This was very much a reality and Joel knew what they did, they couldn’t take back.  

“Are you okay?” Negan yawned, stretching his body out and getting more relaxed beside Joel. Placing his hand in over the center of Joel’s chest, Negan almost instinctively caressed at the lengths of his abdomen. What sounded like a moan that Joel was desperately trying to bite back on had Negan’s eyes fluttering to an open. “Did you just moan?”

“No,” Joel lied provoking Negan to reached for the sheets to lift them up to see Joel’s rock-solid erection that he was trying so hard not to get. Moving Negan’s wrist, Joel shifted in the bed and slid up into a seated position. Leaning back against the headboard, Joel grabbed the pillow that he had been laying on and covered his groin. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” Negan rubbed at his tired eyes, rolling onto his back and licking his lips. “I mean if you want to go again, I’m kind of tired but…”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Joel announced, his voice broken and stammering. Tipping his head to the side, Negan’s hazel eyes narrowed when he began to realize that Joel appeared to be freaking out. “It shouldn’t be happening in the first place.”

“I mean yeah, you might be tired after the last few days, but your dick is like the energizer bunny. Which is fucking crazy because you sell yourself like this old man that can’t keep up with things, but…” Negan chuckled with Joel hushing him. Dramatically shrugging his shoulders, Negan rolled over onto his side with his hand stretching out beneath the sheets. Moaning out, Joel dropped his head back when Negan’s fingers curled around the rigid length of his manhood. Teasing the flesh over Joel’s tip and then back down again. Even though he knew he shouldn’t have, he actually liked the way Negan’s touch felt over his distended flesh. “Don’t feel ashamed of getting an erection. It’s impressive.”

“Yeah, but,” Joel started, licking his lips uneasily as he tipped his head back further against the headboard. Swallowing down hard, Joel felt Negan’s fingers pushing at the bottom of the shirt that he was wearing. When Negan’s mouth surrounded his nipple, Joel bit back the next moan that wanted to follow. With Negan’s tongue circling his nipple it had Joel’s back arching in closer to him. “What we did tonight…”

“Yeah?” Negan slurred, nipping faintly at the skin getting Joel to wince and suck in a large amount of air. “What about it?”

“I don’t know if it was okay,” Joel admitted, forcing himself to look down at Negan who simply just tipped his head back and smirked.

“Why wouldn’t it be okay?” Negan grumbled under his breath having Joel’s abdomen contracting with the way that Negan was touching him.

“Well,” Joel knew he should have been turning Negan away, but he couldn’t help but enjoy how good it all felt. “You’re a man.”

“I’m a what?” Negan chuckled, his nose wrinkling in amusement. Pulling his hand away from Joel’s body had Joel frowning, his hips desperately arching up wanting to experience that touch all over. Lifting the sheets up, Negan looked down at his body and then dramatically gasped. “Holy shit, you’re right. I am a man.”

“It’s not funny Negan,” Joel hushed Negan, waving his hand about in the air. Smacking at the back of Negan’s chest had the lines in Negan’s forehead growing deeper. What sounded like an amused wheeze escaped Negan’s throat and Joel just found himself getting more embarrassed. “I’m straight. I like women. What we did last night.”

“You’re not straight though because straight men don’t want another man to fuck them,” Negan declared, the vein at the side of his neck bulging slightly. “You’re bisexual Joel. And there is nothing wrong with it. I don’t understand why you are having such a hard time coming to terms with that.”

“Because I’m not…I didn’t think…” Joel couldn’t even form the words, dropping his head back again against the headboard. “I’ve only been with women. You’re the first guy I’ve slept with and I’ve never…”

“Had sex with another man. Yeah, you’ve told me. A lot,” Negan stressed to Joel, pulling himself up into a seated position beside Joel on the bed. Gazing over Joel, Negan cleared his throat and shook his head. “Why are you suddenly so worried about things? You’re the one that pushed for this. Are you hurt?”

“No. Well, not really,” Joel answered, his jaw flexing at the idea of what took place. “At least I don’t think so. I ache, but…”

“Which is bound to happen, but if you’re not in a lot of pain that’s good,” Negan was still trying to understand why Joel was so upset. Smirking, Negan lowered back down in the bed and laid down. Reaching up to rub at his eyes, he could hear Joel’s breathing growing louder.

“Are you in pain?” Joel whispered, his southern drawl incredibly deep with how quiet he was being. Repeating Negan’s question was probably stupid, but it was a thought in his mind.

“Hmmm?” Negan dropped his arms down at his side, his head turning on the pillow to stare out at Joel with his big eyes. “No Joel. I’m fine.”

“I was really rough with you,” Joel thought back to what it was like hearing the winces that Negan made with every thrust Joel did at the beginning.

“I’m resilient,” Negan grumbled under his breath, his fingers squeezing tightly around the sheets. Trying to force his eyes open, Negan shrugged his shoulders. “It’s not like I haven’t had someone pound my ass before Joel. It was your first time, not mine. I helped you prepare me, it was fine. You are the one I’m worried about.”

“Was your first like this?” Joel was very quiet in the way that he asked Negan about his first time. There was a curiosity to know more about Negan with men. Especially since Joel had never experienced things before with another man. Yet it seemed like Negan had multiple times. “Did you hook up with someone like you?”

“No, not at all,” Negan grumbled under his breath, his long abdomen stretching out drawing Joel’s eyes to it. Why was he all of a sudden so keen on watching Negan’s body like this? “I let Lucille peg me. I was always curious. So I let her do it to me. It was strangely thrilling and she got a power kink from it. So it was a success in that way. I think she liked that she took both of my virginities so to speak. Fucking thrilled her.”

“And she didn’t look at you differently after that?” Joel swallowed down hard, scoffing when he realized that he was holding the pillow that he had grabbed earlier in his arms. Moving it back to where it was, Joel noticed that Negan was smirking at him.

“She loved it. It gave her a sense of power,” Negan explained, thinking back on his past with his late wife. “Of course, she wasn’t a man so she had to get used to the whole thing, but the more we did it, the more comfortable it got for us. And the better she got at it. It really turned her on. Lucille was a very dominant woman.”

“And what about your first man?” Joel wondered, his chest tightening when Negan flashed him a big smile. It was obvious all of Joel’s questions were amusing him.

“I don’t know. Lucille and I broke up a few times. So I…experimented? I don’t remember it too well. It was a really long time ago,” Negan claimed, throwing his hand about in the air as he spoke. “You got lucky. You were with someone who knew what he was doing at least and how to take care of you.”

Turning toward Joel, Negan pushed up at the material of Joel’s shirt again leaving small, wet kisses over Joel’s abdomen. Wrapping his fingers back around Joel’s body had his dark eyes coming to a close and it made Negan smile, “You don’t have to be ashamed of feeling good Joel. It’s okay for you to open yourself up to feeling really fucking good.”

“What are we going to do though?” Joel searched for answers, his breathing growing broken while Negan pumped his hand over his length. Biting down on his bottom lip, Joel watched Negan’s other hand disappear beneath the sheets where he assumed he was jacking himself off too.

“Get you to come and then sleep?” Negan continued to pepper kisses at the length of Joel’s torso. A moment later Joel was grasping firmly to Negan’s jaw forcing him to tip his head back to meet Joel’s stare.

“With Y/N?” Joel stressed, his facial features showing just how conflicted he was about all of this. Clearly, he enjoyed what Negan was doing, but at the same time he was worried. “I love her. So much.”

“As do I,” Negan commented, his eyebrows furrowing and his head tipping in confusion. “We talked about this last night Joel. Where’s the problem?”

“We cheated,” Joel blurt out, wincing when he dropped his head to watch Negan’s movements under the sheet. An amused rumble escaped Negan’s throat when he turned his head toward Joel’s hand to press a kiss at Joel’s pulse point. “She’s never going to look at me the same when she knows.”

“Who are you talking about?” Negan grunted, his facial expressions making it obvious that he didn’t agree with Joel with the stuff that was spewing out of his mouth. Pulling his hand away from Joel again had Joel whining because he wasn’t ready for Negan to stop touching him. “We talked about this equals things yesterday. The three of us. Being open to being with each other. I’m okay with it. She’s okay with it. You’re just the remaining factor. And I thought by you doing this—it was your answer.”

“I don’t remember that discussion. I remember bits and pieces,” Joel confessed, wishing like hell that he did remember that conversation, but he didn’t. So while this may have comforted Negan? It didn’t exactly comfort Joel. Turning on the bed, Negan adjusted his positioning to give Joel his full attention. “You’re telling me that you’re okay with sharing her?”

“If it makes her happy, that’s all I want,” Negan admitted, his jaw flexing while explaining himself. “Sometimes the healthiest relationship is a poly relationship. When you love two people, you’re able to open yourself up to more. I’m okay with sharing both of you. I don’t see a problem in it. As long as it’s just the three of us?”

“You’re telling me that you’re going to go back to work and tell the people you’re working with that you’re fucking your ex-best friend and her ex-husband? And you think everyone is going to be okay with it?” Joel’s voice almost sounded condescending and it had Negan scoffing. “I don’t believe that Negan.”

“Well that’s unfortunate because I can assure you I don’t give a fuck about what other people think,” Negan asserted, adjusting his body allowing the sheets to pull further at his lap where they were wrinkled in a mess. Joel’s eyes dropped down, his throat going dry at the sight. Right now he should have been focusing on Negan, but his brain was thinking about how Negan barely had that sheet covering him. “People should honestly be jealous because I’m getting to fuck two hot people. And I really don’t care if people judge me for being in a bisexual relationship with another man.”

“I’m not bisexual,” Joel interrupted Negan evoking an eye roll from Negan who shook his head and stood up from the bed. “Negan, I’ve always thought I was attracted to women. I’ve never done this before and…”

“We both know that’s not true,” Negan scoffed lifting his head up to glare at Joel before looking back down to search for something. “You know, it’s completely okay to be fucking bisexual Joel. I’ve always been bisexual. I knew it my whole life. But I did have a preference for women. I’m pretty sure you’re the same exact way.”

“You’ve always been bisexual?” Joel scoffed, pulling himself to the edge of the bed watching Negan look for something. Negan nodded while reaching down to grab his shirt. “Y/N knew this?”

“Of course she did. I told her everything,” Negan repeated what he had already said multiple times to Joel. “I have always been honest with her. And I still am.”

“You said you didn’t tell her what I did,” Joel reminded Negan with a frown, his fears getting the worst of him. Dropping his hand at his side, Negan shook his head. His thick eyebrows bounced up and Joel knew that Negan was irritated.

“I didn’t fucking tell her Joel,” Negan assured him with a sense of annoyance in his tone. There was a visible doubt in Joel’s eyes with the line at the bridge of Joel’s nose becoming more prominent. With the topic of the woman they both loved, Negan threw his hands up in the air and shrugged. “Considering how happy you made her, it wasn’t worth it.”

“But if you told her, she would immediately pick you,” Joel suggested drawing out a long sigh from Negan. This was a conversation that Negan thought they were well over with. “You know I’m right.”

“You’re panicking for no reason,” Negan stammered, brushing his fingers through his messy hair. “Don’t panic. I didn’t tell her anything. I’m not gonna tell her anything. It was the past. What you did will remain in the past. What matters is right now. And right now she wants to move on. I want to move on. If you would get over this…I don’t even know what is going on with you right now, we’d be fucking fine. You could be happy. She could be happy. I could be happy. But instead, you’re fighting this brick wall you keep putting up.”

“Brick wall?” Joel repeated observing Negan looking for something on the floor again. “The hell are you looking for?”

“My pants!” Negan scoffed, causing Joel to gaze over the side of the bed. Beside him laid Negan’s pajama pants that he had come into his room with. Tossing them to Negan, Joel breathed loudly, his eyes watching Negan’s every movement. “I don’t know who you’re trying to fool more. Because right now, I’m pretty sure it’s yourself. You are so used to being fucking miserable that you aren’t allowing yourself the opportunity to be happy. This trio thing? It’s the best option here Joel. You get what you want. With both of us.”

Attempting to put on his pants, Negan winced when Joel moved quickly to shove him firmly against the glass panel again. Placing his hand firmly against Negan’s throat, Joel kept his strength locked in when he lowered his free hand to wrap his fingers around Negan’s semi-erect cock. Angrily their eyes locked when Joel tipped his head to the side, “You’re arrogant.”

“And you’re an idiot,” Negan grumbled, hissing out when the pressure at his neck grew stronger. Tipping his head back, Negan’s eyes came to a tight close with Joel working to jerk him off. There was a raspy moan that only partially escaped Negan because of the pressure on his neck and it had chills flooding through Joel’s body. Extending out his hand, Negan’s long, slender digits circled around Joel’s shaft. Putting a bit of pressure, he started to caress at Joel’s body matching the tempo that Joel set between them. Keeping up with the same strength, both of them were breathless. “You are a fucking mess.”

“And you need to learn to shut up,” Joel hissed, his forehead pressing forward to rest against Negan’s. With every touch, Joel’s hips bucked up toward Negan wanting to feel and reach that release that had been building up inside of him. Right now he was fighting very hard to stay quiet.

By the time both of them came, Negan’s face had gone red from the pressure of Joel choking him. Releasing his grasp, Joel’s head dropped against Negan’s shoulder and it had Joel panting, “You’re so fucking confusing. Are you straight? Or are you bisexual Joel? Do you want my cock or not?”

Stumbling back toward the bed, Joel dropped down and laid out across the top of it with his breathing loud and broken, “Are you going to tell her about what we did tonight?”

Joel seemed nervous at the idea while Negan took his time to gather his breathing, “Am I not allowed to? You know she’s not gonna have a problem with it.”

“I had a shitfit yesterday,” Joel admitted, licking his lips and looking up at the ceiling. There was a sense of guilt eating away at him with the way things had gone down. “I thought by the three of us hooking up, it meant she would eventually be picking me. That there was still a chance that she would choose me over you. When she told me that wasn’t possible, I got angry. I reckon she’ll be upset that I did this. She’ll think that I did this out of spite.”

“Joel,” Negan scoffed, rolling his eyes when he stumbled over toward the nightstand. Pulling out a few tissues, he worked to clean himself off before tossing the tissue box onto the center of Joel’s chest. “She already thought we fucked in the past. I don’t think she’s gonna care. In fact, I think the only thing that she will be fucking upset about is that she didn’t get to see it.”

“People aren’t going to be accepting of this Negan,” Joel panted, reaching for the tissue box to set them aside. “The children won’t understand. People won’t understand. The town we live in gets into everyone’s business.”

“What’s really the problem here Joel?” Negan started to work his clothes back on, grumbling something under his breath when he got his shirt down over his body. “You’re worried that people are gonna find out you like men, right?”

“I don’t like men,” Joel snapped at Negan, lifting his head up from the bed to stare out at him. There was anger in his eyes when Negan rolled his eyes and laughed once more. “I don’t.”

“You like me. You come fucking buckets when you’re near me. We both know how things were when we were younger,” Negan insisted, throwing the tissues away that he used to clean himself with.

“I don’t know what you’re insinuating,” Joel pushed up onto his hands, his chest rising and falling while he watched Negan pacing.

“I’m insinuating that you love Y/N, just like I do. And you want to fuck me, just like I want to fuck you. And maybe more emotions can come from this. When you attempt to trust me more and we can all…” Negan rambled on, getting a glare from Joel and he scoffed. “What do you want to happen here Joel? Do you want her to pick one or the other? Do you want her to be sad? Because as far as I can see. She loves both of us. If she picks you or me solo, she’s going to be upset. Are you really so worried about what people will think about you that you aren’t gonna allow yourself to be happy? Who cares what the people in town think? Given the opportunity y’know most of them would love to suck my cock. They might talk shit, but deep down it’d just be jealousy. And I don’t think Tommy would care.”

“I don’t even know how I feel about you,” Joel declared having Negan’s Adam’s apple bounce in his throat. Negan’s hands settled at his hips, his jaw flexing while he eyed over Joel. “It’s a lot to process. Going from women to…women and you. It just happened tonight Negan. You can’t expect me to think everything is going to fall into place.”

“Are you like this because of what happened with your dad when we were teenagers?” Negan blurt out getting Joel’s dark eyes to narrow at Negan when he turned to look at him. “Your dad was a Texas man through and through. Okay? I know you came from a religious family. And he freaked out when he found the two of us jerking off together watching what we were, but…”

“Stop, right now,” Joel demanded, standing up from the bed and reaching for his pants to pull them on. “This has nothing to do with my dad. You’re the one that had a shitty father Negan, not me. My dad did the best that he could and even though he wasn’t the best father, I know he meant well. He just wanted to raise me and Tommy right.”

“You’re second guessing everything because of how you feel for me,” Negan could tell by Joel’s breathing that he was angry with Negan bringing up his past. “You think because your dad called you that word that everyone is gonna see you that way, but who cares? Your mom and your dad have been gone a long time Joel. You can be who you are. Who we both know you are. I think your mom would have been okay with it.”

“I said enough,” Joel warned, his finger raising up to point at Negan who uncomfortably licked his lips. “Just because the two of us had sex doesn’t mean that you get to come around assuming things. You’ve been around here, what? A month? And suddenly you think you know everything. Newsflash Negan, you don’t know shit. My family loves you because you’re famous. You give them nice shiny things. My kids would like anyone famous that gave them things. And Tommy? He’s the same way. And Y/N? The reason she is so hooked on you is because you give her what she always wanted me to give her. But she’s still so hooked on me because I’m the love of her fucking life. Not you. I’m her soul mate. Not you. You’re just fun for the time being. Because she always comes back to me. I’ve been here for twenty years. You left. You had every opportunity to come back. But you spend a month with us and you think you can just walk into our lives and determine you know everything? You need to learn to shut your fucking mouth sometimes.”

Smirking, Negan dropped his head down and nodded his head about, “Yes Negan. You are so fucking good with making people feel good. You put on the charm and I reckon you get the pants off anyone. You’ve always been a charming son of a bitch. And that’s why people like you. You’re like a fucking drug. You look at a person and you just…”

“Careful, you might admit you have feelings for me and the gay might start coming out,” Negan warned wincing when Joel moved forward to shove him firmly against the wall. “Are you really having this shit fit because you want Y/N to yourself or is this because you don’t want people to call you gay Joel? Because the anger really comes out in you when I mention having feelings for men.”

“But you’re also poison,” Joel snarled, his voice growing darker when the color drained from Negan’s face. A silence fell between them with Joel shaking his head. “Yeah, you’re fun now. You’re going to be the good guy for as long as you can be. But then the poison is going to seep through. Like it has for every relationship that’s meant something to you.”

For the first time in a long time, Negan was silent, “You can pretend to be the good person for so long until the real you starts slipping through the cracks. The only person that you were ever perfect for was Y/N growing up. And she still picked me over you.”

“I’m sorry your dad was a raging narcissist and a homophobe Joel,” Negan finally shoved Joel away from him after taking it for so long. “Because it made you an asshole. Maybe if you stop keeping that side of him alive inside of you, you might actually allow yourself to be happy for once.”

“And you think you’re going to be the one to make me happy?” Joel scoffed, his eyes narrowing when Negan headed for the door to leave.

“I think if you continue to keep this up, you’re never gonna be happy Joel,” Negan frowned lowering his head down, considering his next comment. “When you finally give yourself the chance to be the person you want to be instead of the person the world forces you to be, I think you’re gonna be a much happier person. And I truly want that for you.”

Giving Negan one final glare, Joel rotated on his heel and went over to the bed to drop down on the side of it again, “You have the world right in front of you Joel. A world full of opportunities. And you’re shutting yourself down from it because you’re afraid of a word that your father called you when you were sixteen. Yeah, I know I’m not your dream here. I’m just an extra added bonus. But you love Y/N, maybe consider her for once instead of yourself. And you may find happiness in that.”

Refusing to lift his head, Joel felt the lump that grew at his throat that continue to stay there regardless of how many times he swallowed, “Goodnight Joel.”

And with that, Negan left his room. A tremoring breath escape his throat when he was finally alone to himself. Biting down on his bottom lip, Joel knew that he was being overwhelmed with so many emotions right now that they were too hard to comprehend. And he was going to have to figure out what to do with them. Because as of right now? He had no idea. And that scared him.  

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Today was another busy day of walking around all of New York City while they tried to fit everything in on their last day. And right now? Joel was alone to himself sitting at the top of the red stairs in the middle of Times Square. Truthfully? This part of New York was hell for him. Everything was busy. There was no doubt about that, but being in the middle of Times Square? It was a once in a lifetime thing. This was not his favorite part of New York City and he never looked forward to coming back. To say he was uncomfortable would be an understatement.

Even though this wasn’t on his to-do list, this was a place that the children were eager to come to. They didn’t want to miss the opportunity to be here. Problem was? With it so close to Christmas, people were shopping. And they were last minute shopping. So that meant that people were rude and it was even more trafficked than it would have been on an average day.

Peter had finagled his mother into taking him to get some donuts. Negan and Elizabeth were checking out something that she wanted to see. And Tommy was in the middle of everything taking a shit load of photos with Maria. Eating it all up.

After Negan left his room last night, Joel couldn’t sleep. His mind was running wild and it was hard to get a brain like that to relax. So that meant he had a lot of coffee today to keep him going. But the number one thing Joel noticed this afternoon when he checked his phone? Just how many e-mails he had received that was linked to his business. Part of him didn’t understand what the hell was going on. Maybe he had been hacked or spammed. So that’s when he decided to look into things. Doing a google search on Negan’s name led him to the most recent articles that were written about him. What came up surprised the hell out of Joel. Because of what happened over the last two days, hundreds of articles appeared to be written about Negan.

Where it seemed to have started was after the day they did that piano playing moment at the toy store. Originally, it seemed to just start off as videos that people posted. Joel knew that people had recorded them and taken photos when they were doing it, but he didn’t expect people to post the videos. Nor did he expect them to go viral like they did. Going through the videos, Joel noticed that a lot of people were making comments about him. Some of them were smart ass people who had to make negative comments. Others were talking about how hot both him and Negan were.

But then came the articles that were written. Some of the paparazzi sites were talking about Negan and how they had obviously picked up on the fact that he was dating Y/N. At this point? She was nameless, but Joel figured that wouldn’t last because people had his name. It wouldn’t take long to do a search on him to realize that he was Y/N’s ex-husband.

Even though he knew it was against his better judgement, Joel couldn’t help but keep looking at these things that he found. Reading the articles about how sexy it was that Negan was dating someone that was unknown. People were saying that Negan was a trendsetter because more people should be dating single mothers. And the thing that infuriated him the most? Those stupid assholes who were making comments assuming that Elizabeth and Peter were Negan’s secret children that he had kept hidden until the end of his career. But deep down Joel knew they were just stupid, trash articles that people were creating in order to draw clicks.

After what Negan did last night for Joel? It ended up everywhere as well too. People showing Negan introducing Joel, but also keeping the cameras rolling to record his performance. And because of that people were writing Joel endlessly at that e-mail. His name had gotten out and obviously people had gone searching for him. The internet moved fast. So that meant he was being sent job offers, e-mails that had nothing to do with his work and people just wanting to interview him to talk to him about Negan. It was infuriating to go through and on his phone it was impossible to fix.

For once in Joel’s life, he was getting a ton of attention. It was the one thing that Joel had wanted more than anything growing up, but today? He found it more so annoying than something he wanted.

After his discussion with Negan last night, this was exactly why he didn’t feel comfortable letting the world know that the three of them could potentially be together. The whole world would know. And they would know almost immediately.

There was part of him that wanted to show Y/N all the articles. Let her know that her face was plastered all over the internet and news channels with people speculating on her relationship with Negan. Some people thought she was a hidden lover. Others thought she was a gold digger. Jealous fans were making nasty comments about her in general. Negan was a hot commodity and people were digging their nails into whatever gossip they could get. This was the thing he was never comfortable with when it came to Negan. All the attention that came with being around Negan. It could be good, but there were also incredible amounts of bad.

“You are surrounded by the prettiest things and yet your nose deep in your phone,” Elizabeth’s voice lured Joel into looking up and gazing over at her with a weak smile. Slowly making her way up the steps had Joel lowering his phone into his lap. “Who are you and what have you done with my father who hates cell phones?”

“The prettiest thing in the world is sitting right now next to me,” Joel flashed a cheesy smile as Elizabeth took a seat beside him. Placing her hand over the center of her chest, Elizabeth played it off like she was touched by her father’s comment.

“Oh, that was good dad,” she admitted, her face scrunching up when she let out an amused sound. Patting her father on the chest, she got more comfortable beside him and sighed. “That was real good. Warmed my heart. Real smooth.”

“It was honest Ellie,” Joel swore, reaching out to wrap his arm around her shoulders. Shoving his phone back into his pocket, he didn’t want to focus on things like that when he should be spending these moments with his daughter. “Nothing else compares to you.”

“There’s a reason I love you as much as I do,” she slid in closer to Joel having him wrap his arms firmly around her to cuddle in next to her. Where they were at, they were in the middle of all the craziness. With Christmas days away, in the middle of Times Square, it was insanity. Growing up, Joel came to love and embrace the quiet life. Here, things were too damn busy with so many people. “Are you doing okay?”

“I’m great,” Joel was quick to respond with Elizabeth pulling back just enough to stare up at him with her dark eyes. Her dimples were visible with the way her eyes narrowed at him. Okay. So that was a lie she no question just picked up on. “What?”

“You’ve been acting weird,” she noted letting her father in on the fact that she wasn’t oblivious to the way that things were. “Especially on this trip. I wish you would be honest with me about things. I know I’m your daughter, but I’m also not far from being an adult. You can talk to me about things.”

“It’s hard for me to acknowledge that you are close to being an adult,” Joel confessed, cringing at the thought of his daughter turning eighteen soon. “I still remember you being a baby, so tiny in my arms. Counting on me to take care of you. It’s hard to think about you being all grown up.”

“You’re being sweet, but changing the subject,” she lowered her head back to Joel’s shoulder to rest her head against it. “We’ve always been really close you know.”

“And I hope we stay that way,” Joel stated with a sigh, his arm loosely hooking around her lower back while he sat with her. “Because I love you, very much.”

“And I love you too,” she assured him with a long sigh. Together they sat in silence until she finally spoke up again. “You’re upset about mom and Negan, right?”

“That’s not really something I should be talking to you about,” Joel admitted, his brow line creasing while considering the question. Although, that probably answered her question without answering it.

“I’m not blind dad. I can see that Negan and mom being together is bothering you,” she pointed out with Joel cuddling her in closer to him with the cool chill that was around them. With them sitting there, it had only just started to snow again and it had Joel huffing out. “And I understand because I always thought you and mom would get back together.”

“Children always want their parents together,” Joel commented and it made Elizabeth scoff. Glancing over at Joel with her eyebrows furrowed made Joel shrug. “They do.”

“Lydia couldn’t wait for her parents to split,” Elizabeth recalled how her friend felt about her own mother. “She couldn’t wait to be with her dad and get away from her mother.”

“Her mother was insane. That’s different,” Joel countered with a grunt remembering the stories that he heard when Lydia moved to town with her father. “I don’t think we are ever going to get back together Ellie, so don’t hold out your hopes for something that may never happen.”

“So you are upset about mom and Negan,” she gathered reaching out to hook her fingers with her father’s. Staring out into the crowd, she couldn’t spot Tommy with Maria nor her mother with Negan and Peter. “Did you tell mom?”

“I think your mom is well aware,” Joel was quiet in the way he said it, being honest but not fully forthcoming. It would be completely inappropriate for him to vent to his teenage daughter about the things he was feeling right now. “I was just too late with things to get back with your mom.”

“So you regret that you two got divorced?” Elizabeth lifted her head to lock eyes with Joel. It looked like he was having conflicting thoughts of what to say or do. So he just nodded his head once and swallowed down hard. That was something Joel had thought about a lot over the last few months. How much he wished he would have just seen someone for help instead of letting his life fall to shit. What he thought he wanted back then was just wrong. And he wished that he had never done it. “I never understood why mom agreed to it.”

“I didn’t allow her the option to say no,” Joel mumbled, his chest aching at the memories of their past. Recently she had stressed to him how the children blamed her for everything and by the children’s comments lately? He realized that Y/N was right. And that was sad because all of this was Joel’s fault. Not hers. “I was going through some things. I was really depressed. I thought it was your mother’s fault and I blamed a lot of things on her. I was just going through a phase and didn’t realize the mistake that I was making.”

“Peter and I were really mad at her for a while,” Elizabeth recalled how they were toward Y/N when their parents first split. “We never understood. When it was the four of us, we were all so happy. And then when night came, we always heard the two of you fighting. Then the night you left…we came to the stairs right before you left. She was sobbing and we heard her scream at you to leave. We always thought it was her fault for not fighting hard enough for you.”

“Your mom fought harder for me than anyone ever did,” Joel reasoned with his daughter, squeezing his fingers tighter around hers. “I was just too blind to see it. I should have seen someone about the depression that I was having, but I confused it with other emotions.”

“Did we really depress you that much?” Elizabeth put the blame on her which had Joel’s heart breaking. “I never really thought it was that bad.”

“It wasn’t you that depressed me Ellie. You and your brother are the only things in this world that I’ve done right,” Joel declared, using his free hand to place it in over his chest. Giving her a weak smile, he squeezed his arm around her to give her a half hug. “I’ve never loved something as much as I love the two of you. I never blamed the two of you for things because you were the only things keeping me here. The things that kept me fighting every single day.”

“You know how much I love you, right?” Elizabeth stammered, evoking a nod from her father.

“I will never turn away hearing it,” Joel insisted glad that he still had this relationship with his daughter because at the end of the day the children meant everything to him. “And I love you so very much. More than anything.”

A grunt escaped Joel followed by a laugh with her arms wrapping around his mid-section to squeeze him close. Appreciating the moment, Joel knew that this would probably be his favorite part of visiting Times Square.

“I wasn’t exactly comfortable with Negan and mom dating at first either,” Elizabeth spilled after releasing him, shifting beside her father to pull her jacket in closer to her body. “It’s kind of weird having your mom dating your celebrity crush that you’ve liked since you were a kid. You two probably should have told me how close mom and him actually were when they were younger. It might have swayed me from liking him as much as I did.”

“I never thought I’d see him again,” Joel grunted with a wrinkle of his nose finding himself still creeped out by the idea that she did have as much of a crush on Negan as she did. “I thought it was innocent. Although, I did tell you for years it was really uncomfortable with you having a crush on a man that was my age.”

This really had to be strange for Elizabeth and it wasn’t something that Joel really thought about. It was an odd place to be put in having your celebrity crush suddenly dating your mother and being around all the time. Then again, if she knew that Negan had slept with both him and Y/N? Well, he could only imagine how she’d feel.

“You don’t still crush on him, do you?” Joel was almost afraid to ask, but he was thankful for the disgusted face that she made.

“It’s kind of creepy thinking about it to be honest with you dad,” she stressed how she felt, waving her free hand about. “I try to forget that I crushed on him as much as I did. He’s cute. He’s nice. And I see why mom likes him, but he gives off such…dad vibes.”

Dad vibes? That wasn’t really the thing that Joel wanted to hear because he was her father. Not Negan. But then again, he was glad that the idea of Negan not being her crush anymore was a plus.

“Negan is really good with us. And he doesn’t look at me like that. It’s like he already stepped into the role of stepdad and he’s…he’s good at it,” Elizabeth continued which only further boiled Joel’s blood at the thought. “I think I was more attracted to the idea of Negan than actually him. Because now when I look at him, he’s more like a soft teddy bear than what I pictured.”

“What did you picture?” Joel wondered, his eyebrow arching in curiosity with the way that his daughter’s face reddened over.

“I don’t think I want to talk about that. Let’s just say that I’ve had to burn a lot of memories, thoughts and feelings in this brain over the last month,” she hissed in an uncomfortable breath, lifting her fingers to point at her temple.

“Dear God,” Joel lowered his head into his other hand and knew this was all so fucking complicated. Of course almost everyone in his family had to be attracted to Negan. This wasn’t Elizabeth’s fault. Being attracted to Negan ran in her blood. “He is charming.”

“Sorry?” she spoke with a smirk having Joel lift his head to gaze out at her. Maybe that was bad to say out loud. No, that wasn’t a maybe. That was bad. His thoughts on Negan should have been kept to himself. “You think he’s charming? I thought you hated him.”

“I do, but I don’t,” Joel didn’t know how to explain it to her. Hell, he didn’t even know how he felt about Negan. There was a side of him that hated Negan with every part of him. But then there was that side that fought so hard to come out that felt something very strong for Negan that he couldn’t explain. And that’s the side of him that confused him the most. But that wasn’t something he was going to tell Elizabeth. “It’s complicated. And I don’t think I should say much more than that.”

“I think you should talk to mom,” Elizabeth brought back their previous conversation having Joel’s jaw flex in frustration. What his children didn’t know was just how hard Joel was really trying to get back with their mother and how many times he had been turned down. “It might not be too late for something between you two.”

“I’ve talked to your mom,” Joel responded with a frown, shaking his head when he spoke. “She knows how I feel, but you see the way she looks at Negan. She’s happy. He makes her happy. The slate is clean with Negan.”

“I…” she started, stopping when Joel looked to her with his saddened brown eyes. Resting her head against his shoulder again had Joel resting his head on top of hers. “I’m sorry.”

Even Elizabeth in that moment could agree that he wasn’t wrong about Negan and Y/N’s relationship with him. He wished he could have moved faster. That he could have done something. But there was nothing that could be done.

At the bottom of the steps, it was then that Joel noticed that Y/N was taking photos of him and Elizabeth together, “Speak of your mother…”

“What?” she lifted her head to see that her mom was standing at the bottom corner of the steps taking photos of them. Rolling her eyes, she looked to Joel and there was a smirk over her young features. “She’s making use of that camera of hers after all these years.”

Getting up from where they were seated, Joel helped Elizabeth move down the steps making sure that she wouldn’t slip. Once they were back on the ground, Elizabeth went to her mother to give her a big hug. Joel was slow walking over to them.

“Where’s Negan?” Joel looked around noticing that neither Peter nor Negan were around.

“A few people stopped him back there somewhere and Peter offered to take their photos for them,” she waved her fingers back behind her with Joel rolling his eyes and shaking his head. Why did that not surprise him? Of course people were jumping on Negan and Negan was going to eat up that attention. “You two looked cute up there.”

“Hey!” a voice boasted causing them to jump only to notice that it was Peter running up to them. “We’re going to go the Hershey’s store!”

“That’s exactly what you need. More sugar,” Joel teased his son, reaching out to stroke his fingers throughout his messy hair. “Didn’t you just eat a donut?”

“I did, but I counter you this,” Peter held his finger up in the air dramatically, his dimples much more visible now that he was being silly with his dad. “I need some for when we go home. A stash if you will.”

“Oh, I see,” Joel snorted noticing that Negan was headed back to be with them. Instead of looking at Negan, Joel hooked his arm around Peter and grumbled something to himself. “Where’s Tommy?”

“I think he said he would call me when they were headed back here. Him and Maria wanted to walk around on their own,” Y/N answered him tipping her head back to press a quit kiss over Negan’s lips when he returned. With a nod of her head, she motioned all of them toward the Hershey’s store with Joel walking with Peter.

Since they had been with Negan, Joel was extremely paranoid. After discovering those articles, videos and photos Joel couldn’t stop thinking about them. There were so many cameras in Times Square but a lot of the time he thought he’d see people taking photos of them. Which annoyed the hell out of him. There were probably those that were taking photos of Negan, but his family being in those photos? That really didn’t work well with him.

Inside the store, Peter made immediately for the shakes area interested in getting one. Joel pulled Elizabeth with them since he was still kind of protective of her. Joel opted out on getting one for himself because his stomach was just not in it right now.

Looking around while they were waiting for their shakes, Joel noticed Y/N and Negan at the other end of the store whispering to each other. They were smiling and laughing which had Joel’s insides turning. When they started kissing, Joel felt his heart rate quicken inside of his chest. It was then he noticed not too far outside of the window there was someone taking photos of Negan with Y/N.

“Hey, can you watch your brother for a second?” Joel requested, side stepping away from his children. Yeah, it probably wasn’t the best move as a father to do this, but he felt a sense of rage flooding his veins. “I’ll be right back. Okay?”

“Everything alright?” Elizabeth seemed worried with Joel heading toward the entrance of the store.

Instead of answering, he was quick to make his way out. They did have someone following them. It looked like a skeezy paparazzi photographer and it infuriated Joel. Thinking of the best way to do this, Joel pulled his jacket in closer to him and started walking fast. It was a busy place, it would make sense if someone ran into another person in the middle of Times Square.

As the photographer lined up another shot, Joel put his head down using his shoulder to plow into the guy knocking him to the ground hard. Just in time Joel was able to catch the camera. With the man on the ground, Joel took advantage looking through the photos realizing that they had been being followed all morning. With quick hands, Joel managed to get the memory card out of the camera and curled his fingers around it.

“Man, you need to learn to be careful. You could have broken this,” Joel handed the camera back to the guy once he started moving. Keeping his head down, Joel did his best to hide who he was with him heading back into the store. Once he got back inside the store, in the distance he could see that Elizabeth and Peter were seated talking to one another while they had their milkshakes. With a huff, Joel pushed the memory card into his back pocket and felt like his face was on fire. There were photos of his children from what he saw on there and that pissed him off. The guy was lucky all he had done was knocked him over.

Right now, more than anything he needed a moment to calm down which had him catching his breath in one of the aisles in front of a shelf with gigantic chocolate bars. Scoffing, he reached out to pick it up reading that it was five pounds of chocolate.

“I bet you could eat that all in one day with your sweet tooth,” Joel heard a whisper in his ear having his eyebrow arch and he looked back over his shoulder to see that Y/N was smiling big behind him. With a shake of his head, Joel put it back down and turned on his heel toward her. “You’re not going to get it?”

“I only have a sweet tooth when it comes to your food,” Joel declared, pushing his hands into his pockets letting out a long exhale. “People don’t make things like you do.”

“Is that what it is?” she smirked, reaching to straighten out his heavy, brown winter jacket. There was a moment of silence between them with her frowning. “I feel like you’ve been avoiding me a little bit today.”

“I have been,” Joel responded with a shrug of his shoulders surprising her with his honesty. After last night Joel was confused. And then finding out all the information he did that was on the internet? It was just hard not to vent about Negan and the negatives that came with being with Negan. “I really wanted to stay away from both you and Negan today.”

“Oh,” she thought about what he said, her face twisting with confusion. He could tell that it upset her. There was color that flooded into her face. “Why? Is this about what happened with Negan last night?”

“Of course he told you,” Joel wasn’t surprised to hear that since Negan did pretty much tell him that he would be telling Y/N everything. Pinching at the bridge of his nose, Joel felt frustrated. He really wished it could have been told to Y/N on his terms. “That’s not the only reason.”

“What’s going on?” she seemed genuinely worried and when she reached for Joel’s hand, he pulled it from her and shook his head. This wasn’t what she was expecting from him. That was for certain. “Talk to me.”

“Not in the middle of the store,” Joel refused, throwing his hand up to bring attention to all the people that were around them. What they needed was to talk. Alone. That’s what they had needed for a very long time, but they hadn’t had the opportunity. “Now really isn’t the time for the two of us to have a full-on discussion about things.”

“Okay,” she didn’t fight him on it because she didn’t want to upset him any further than he clearly already was. Motioning toward the children, Joel left Y/N standing where she was wanting to just focus on spending time with the children right now.

After Joel blew her off, she looked sad, but Joel realized he was probably just reading too much into things. So he avoided it. He spent time with the children. Did what a dad should. Focused on them. They were in Times Square longer than he wanted to be. After their shopping, they walked back to the apartment to drop things off. Then they went walking around again sightseeing.

They stopped in at the St Patrick’s Cathedral which Negan insisted was an absolute must for Joel to see with his contractor background. Y/N and the kids went to sit down, but Joel was uncomfortable so he walked the outskirts looking at the church. Christmas decorations donned the place and Negan was right, this was a stunning location.

“In the summer we should plan a longer trip,” Negan’s whisper pressed in beside him with Joel tensing up. “We can hit up more things. Three days never really feels like enough, does it?”

“You’ll be doing baseball,” Joel reminded Negan who tipped his head from side to side. It sounded like a nice idea, but Joel was a sports fan. He knew the schedule that baseball had. There was no way that Negan would be able to pull that kind of shit off. Unless he didn’t sleep and care to rest. “Hard to make time for things when you’re going to be busy with your job.”

“You guys can come with me when I go to certain cities,” Negan offered, pushing his hands into his pockets with Joel looking around the church. “Spring training is in Fort Myers. It’s about three hours from Orlando. The family can come down and we can all go to Disney World together. I think it would be fun. You’d be surprised how much fun it actually still is even as an adult. It brings out the kid in you and…”

“The kids have school,” Joel scoffed with a shake of his head. Once again Negan was trying way too fucking hard. “They can’t just up and leave whenever they want to.”

“Spring break,” Negan stammered with a weak smile, throwing his right hand up in the air. Somehow, Negan had a response to everything. “Don’t you want to go to the beach? Get some sand between your toes? Have that saltwater touch your skin? We can get you out of all these clothes and get you into a bathing suit…I think you’d look good in a pair of trunks.”

“Enough,” Joel warned Negan who was eyeing Joel over with a smirk. Having Negan so blatantly flirting with him in public felt crazy to Joel. Especially since they were in the middle of a busy church. “How are you even comfortable being anywhere near me right now in…this place? After last night.”

“The church?” Negan snorted, his brow line furrowing with Joel giving him attitude. “What? You think the two of us are going to be set ablaze the moment we step inside of a church? If that was the case, everyone would probably be on fire in here right now.”

“We’re not together Negan,” Joel made it clear for Negan who tipped his head to the side. Even though something happened last night, there were a lot of negative emotions that Joel had toward him. Especially after what he had seen this morning with Negan being in the news and all this attention being brought on him and his family. “I’m not even comfortable with what happened last night. Acting like we’re all one big, happy family that is going to take trips together all the time is just…weird.”

“Why is it weird?” Negan pushed, his eyes narrowing when he stepped in closer to make their conversation quieter. “It’s bad that I want to be close to you and your family?”

Letting out an extended sigh, Joel folded his arms in front of his chest and didn’t even know what to say. Stepping forward, Negan whispered in Joel’s ear so only he could hear, “How are you uncomfortable with last night when you came as much as you did those three times? You’re the one that wanted it. And you sure as hell didn’t sound like you hated it.”

Shoving Negan back had him stumbling over his feet again but managing to catch himself before he fell. It drew some people’s attention, but Negan held his hands up with a simple shrug, “Sorry. I’m a klutz.”

Grabbing Negan by the arm, Joel led him back toward the front of the church. Getting him outside on the steps, Joel pulled him over into the corner so they were alone, “Don’t mention last night again. Last night shouldn’t have fucking happened.”

“You liked last night,” Negan reminded Joel with confusion behind his hazel eyes. “I know it’s hard coming to terms with your sexuality. Especially when you think things are a certain way most of your life and then you…”

“I’m nothing like you,” Joel grabbed a tight hold of Negan’s jacket pressing him against the wall of the church. There was a rush of heat flooding into Joel’s face. For the last few weeks he had been fighting to get Y/N’s attention. To get back with her. And now having feelings for the man that was supposed to be his competition while also still wanting to get back with his ex-wife was throwing him through the ringer. “Do you understand me?”

“Fine, you’re nothing like me,” Negan didn’t know what to say, dragging his tongue across his bottom lip. There was still obviously that trouble Joel was having getting used to the idea that he may have feelings for another man. “But pretending you are one way when you’re not is really fucking sad Joel. You gave into what you wanted last night Joel. You shouldn’t feel bad about it. I’m not ashamed of it. And neither should you be. Everyone has done something that people will fucking judge. People fucking suck. They are gonna judge you whether you do what they want or not. Do things that make you fucking happy and feel good. Fuck everyone else.”

“Just…back off for a while Negan,” Joel requested, releasing Negan and shaking his head. Brushing his fingers shakily through his dark hair, Joel felt his heart pounding in his chest and he knew that he had to calm down. “My children don’t need to know that both of their parents are fucking you. You are making it way too obvious in public. And Ellie already feels weird enough that you are fucking her mother.”

“That’s not my intentions,” Negan stammered, his thick eyebrows arching with frustration. “I just care about you. A lot. I care about Y/N and your children.”

“You’re not our family Negan,” Joel reminded Negan having his jaw flexing in upset. It felt like a lot of the time Negan forgot how things were and Joel felt like he had to put Negan in his place. “You abandoned all of us. You could have been family this whole time. You could have been part of everything, but you ran off and you left us behind. Now it’s almost twenty years later and you’re acting like you’ve been here all along. You’re a stranger to this family. And you didn’t have to be like that.”

An array of emotions flooded into Negan’s face and it looked like he was ready to say a whole lot more, but the sound of Peter and Elizabeth calling out to them was heard. Instead they both shut up real fast and followed the children around for what would be their final walk of the night. In the morning they would pack everything back into the car and head home.

When they got back to the apartment, everyone headed upstairs, but Y/N had asked Joel to walk with her and promised they would be back inside soon. They headed over to the Christmas tree at Rockefeller and found a place to sit where they would have some kind of privacy. It irritated Joel because he really didn’t want to be here. If anything, he was just getting angrier about everything.

“This is really beautiful,” she alerted him, pointing toward the tree and enjoying the environment that was around them. It surprised him that was the first thing she said, but she seemed to be really taking it all in. A tense exhale escaped his lips when he felt her hand slipping in with his to hold it. Right now? He didn’t realize that they were at a point where they were back to handholding. “We always talked about coming here, but I think with it being Christmas it was really the best time to come. It’s beautiful. Our town tries, but you can’t really beat the magic of this.”

“I guess,” Joel didn’t know what to say. Again, he wasn’t the biggest fan of Christmas. So for him, this was just an experience for him to have with his family. “It should have been me bringing my family here first though. Not Negan.”

“I think he was just excited,” she made an excuse for the way that Negan was. “You weren’t around at this point, but when Negan was a kid his dad went on a business trip to New York. Brought home this Statue of Liberty bobble head for Negan and always promised that he would take him. And you know that Negan’s dad never really did anything for him and his mom. So that was the thing he always longed for the most growing up. When he heard that we never went, I think he wanted to be different than his dad.”

“Are you trying to say I’m like Negan’s dad?” Joel snarled with her eyes growing big. Shaking her head immediately, she sat forward where she was sitting and Joel could feel his heart pounding inside of his chest. Pulling his hand away from her, Joel realized there was a heat rushing to his face.

“No,” she was strong in the way she stood her ground. “Not at all.”

“You were comparing me to Negan’s dad. I always told our children that we would come here, and we didn’t. Just like Negan’s dad did to him,” Joel stated, his eyebrows showing that he was angry. Color flooded into her features and she was stammering over her words.

“Joel, no. I was just explaining why Negan was eager to bring everyone here. He wanted to do something nice because when he was younger he was denied the chance of coming here when his father came here all the time,” she defended herself, placing her hand in over the center of her chest. “I swear to you, I would never compare you with Negan’s dad. You are an incredible father. You never hurt your children the way that Negan’s dad hurt him.”

“You know…” Joel was ready to erupt, but instead he bit down on his bottom lip and grunted out. “Forget it.”

“I’m sorry, I just think we’re all happy to be here,” she reached her hand out to place it in over Joel’s knee to give it a firm squeeze. “You and I wanted to come here for our honeymoon. Then we wanted to do it for an anniversary, but…”

“We were poor,” Joel hissed out, lifting his head to meet her stare. “We didn’t come here for a honeymoon because I was a twenty-year-old doing everything that he could to keep his head above the water. Not wanting to drown his little brother, his wife and his daughter with him. We never had the money to come here Y/N,” Joel seemed to be letting loose on all the things that were deep in his mind. There was so much stress that had been building up inside of him that he was having a hard time keeping it back. “You see, this was the thing about our relationship that always sucked. You were always so focused on the things I wasn’t doing. Instead of the things that I was doing.”

“Where is this coming from?” she seemed genuinely confused, her back straightening with her trying to touch Joel, but he slid further away from her. “Joel?”

“I wasn’t romantic enough for you. I didn’t think out good gifts. I wouldn’t cuddle you at night. I didn’t talk enough to you. I didn’t show you that I loved you. I didn’t do the fucking dishes,” Joel recalled their fights from the few years before they got divorced. “It wasn’t, hey…my husband goes and works his fucking ass off every day to make sure we don’t lose everything.”

“I never doubted the things that you did for us Joel,” she stuttered, visibly distraught with his explosion. Looking around, she made sure that people weren’t paying attention to them and she shook her head. “What’s going on? I thought we were okay. After the talk we had at the bar the other night…”

“What talk at the bar?” Joel snapped, his voice growing more tense. That was when he realized that a lot of what happened that night, Joel had forgotten.

“When we danced. You were really sweet,” she reminded him getting Joel’s expression to soften and she shook her head. “We were talking about you up on stage. How the only thing that kept you from freaking out was me. How I was the thing that grounded you. Kept you from running away. And then you started talking about how good Negan was for both of us. That you thought the best way for us to be together was to have him with us. And when we got home you talked to us at the table about it. Telling Negan how in love you were with me and how you couldn’t give me up. How you didn’t want to fight anymore. But you were still upset with him over the whole singing thing because he put you on the spot.”

“That doesn’t sound like me at all,” Joel snorted, his heart racing at the idea. How was that something that he would even do or suggest? “I was loving and sweet with you at the bar? After I was infuriated with you for deciding that you wouldn’t leave Negan for me?”

“You were,” she insisted, her face showing that she didn’t understand why he was acting out again. “We danced a long time. And you kept singing to me. Saying things…” she paused, her lips parting and he could see that she was upset. “You sounded like the old Joel again.”

“I’m fairly certain that was a dream you had,” Joel stressed, his chest aching at the idea that he couldn’t even remember doing that. Yeah, he remembered dancing with her. But other than that, there wasn’t much he did recall from that night. And when he was at the dinner table? He thought that Y/N was lecturing him. Not that he was making a deal for all three of them to be together. “After today? I know for a fact that I would never think that Negan being added to our relationship would be a good idea.”

“It wasn’t a dream Joel. Why would I lie to you?” she inquired, looking around to make sure that no one was listening in on their discussion. “Negan didn’t believe you at the table either. That’s why I assumed what happened with you and Negan happened. Because you wanted to prove that you were okay with it. You said that I was the happiest you had ever seen me on this trip. That you made me happy and he made me happy. That you just wanted to give it all a try.”

“The person you’re talking about doesn’t even exist,” Joel noted, his hands resting in his lap while he circled his fingers there. “Because I’m ashamed of what I did with Negan. My father would be rolling in his grave that I let another man do that to me. And the people in the town? They would have a field day with this. Have you even looked at the internet the last few days? Our family? You and me? We’re all over it. And it’s not good things Y/N. If you think Negan would be good for us, then you are a fool. Because he’s not. And trust me, whatever may have happened the other night. Whatever I said? None of it was real. The old Joel? You didn’t love the old Joel. You divorced the old Joel.”

“None of it was real?” she countered, her eyes narrowing. A flood of emotions were running through her and Joel went to speak up, but he couldn’t. “But you were so sweet. And…I’m not the one that wanted to divorce you Joel.”

“As you like to remind me,” Joel noted with a roll of his eyes, dropping his head down noticing the way that his body was tremoring.

“Why is it always the same fight with us?” she frowned, biting down on her bottom lip. Considering what to say next, she sighed and felt a chill around her. “This is where I would remind you that when you were with me that the only things you focused on were the things you could never have being with me. The things that I kept you from,” she felt like she was beating the same drum watching Joel’s Adam’s apple bounce in his throat. “I don’t want to fight anymore. I thought things were getting better between the two of us…”

“Why? Because you let me have your sloppy seconds in a threesome with Negan?” Joel turned his head, his words coming out sharp. Clearly she thought things were okay because of whatever conversation they had the other night before he slept with Negan. With what he had just said, he could tell that it really surprised her. “Thanks Y/N. I’m glad that I got to share your pussy with your boyfriend. Heaven fucking knows I should feel lucky.”

Something changed in her eyes and she nodded her head slowly, lowering it to look down at the ground, “What did you think was going to happen with the two of us? That I’d be through the fucking roof? That I would go home waving a flag around telling people that I’m in a poly relationship with a woman and a fucking man? Do you really think that I’m that type? You knew what my family was like Y/N. How do you think I would be okay with something like that?”

“I don’t know,” she exhaled, keeping her eyes locked on the Christmas tree. Clearly, she thought this was going to be a sweet moment between the two of them, but he was releasing all of his stresses on her about everything that was going on. So he could see by her body language that she was just shutting down all together again.

“You know if I asked you to be part of a threesome with me and Tess, you would have slapped the shit outta me,” Joel grunted, his jaw flexing when she nodded her head about. There was a rage that had been growing inside of him for days. From the over stimulation of everything to seeing how the news articles were reporting about their family. This was all too much for him and he was finally exploding. “I don’t get to flaunt my girlfriend off in front of you, but you can flaunt your perfect boyfriend off in front of me?”

“You flaunted every chance you got with Tess,” she corrected Joel, her eyes tearing over when she looked to him with anger in her eyes. “Don’t pretend you didn’t. You wanted me to hurt. You fucking hated me when you were with Tess and you wanted me to feel pain. To know that you found someone other than me.”

An angered sound escaped Joel’s lips when he rolled his eyes and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his thighs, “I thought you liked Negan. With the two of you doing what you did last night, it sounded like things were good. The difference between Tess and Negan is that you have always liked Negan. Except when you didn’t. I always thought something happened between you and Negan when we were younger. I knew Negan was a virgin, but the way you looked at him…I don’t know. I always figured that was kind of why you didn’t like me when I liked you. And then when you started getting all handsy with him and the two of you slept together…”

“Please don’t talk about it,” Joel begged, holding his hand out in a pleading manner. “I can’t. I can’t do this.”

“Why are you upset about this? If you didn’t want to do something, you wouldn’t have,” she whimpered, the warmth of her tears burning at her eyes. “You never did something unless you wanted to do it Joel. There is nothing wrong with you for being attracted to…” her words came to a halt with Joel glaring out at her behind his angered brown eyes. “There is nothing wrong with it. I get it. Negan has always been very appealing. And I’m okay with all of this.”

“There is something wrong with you for being okay with it,” Joel claimed, his voice growing deeper with disbelief. “You shouldn’t be okay with us doing what we did.”

“I just thought it was the three of us so…” she began and it had Joel laughing in a way that felt like he was belittling her. “I love the both of you. And you seem to feel a certain way about Negan that’s…”

“You don’t love me,” Joel interrupted her, his eyes narrowing at her. Right now he was hurting her and he knew that, but he didn’t’ care in the moment. “You know, he’s not as good of a man as you think he is. Right?”

“I don’t think you nor Negan are bad men. I know who Negan is,” she decided for herself, pulling her coat tighter to her body. “He’s never hidden who he is from me.”

Of course that’s where she was going to go with it. Negan told her everything so that was another thing that could be held over him, “And what he did for you yesterday at the bar, that was really nice of him. You wanted to be a musician so bad and you really haven’t played in front of people since high school. You did amazing.”

“Yeah, Negan is a fucking saint,” Joel mocked, cussing under his breath at the thought of it all. “Do you know that I can’t even read my work e-mails? After the whole piano thing and what happened at the bar, I have so many fucking people contacting me. Wanting to hire me or contact me for some other kind of business opportunities? I have hundreds of e-mails today because of him.”

“That’s a good thing,” she thought aloud, circling her finger around them. “Think of all the opportunities it can open you and the business up to.”

“But you’re missing the whole point,” Joel asserted, throwing his hands up in disbelief. “These aren’t people that are contacting me because I’m good at my job. These are people that are contacting me because I went viral. Our fucking piano dance went viral on social media. So did what happened at the bar. These are people contacting because I’m friends with fucking Negan Smith. It’s not because I’m a good worker where they saw what I was capable of.”

“I’m confused, isn’t this a good thing?” she questioned, her face twisting with trying to understand where he was coming from. “At least you could be able to prove yourself to people with this chance you are being given.”

“Everything I’ve done for myself, I’ve done it on my own,” Joel fumed at the idea of people wanting to hire him just for knowing Negan. “I don’t need Negan coming into my life and making my life suddenly magical. Because then I owe him everything and I don’t want to owe him anything.”

Hearing Joel go off, she didn’t know how to respond to his rant. There were positive things that she could say, but everything seemed to be wrong between them right now.

“You know, Negan has the life that I always fucking wanted,” Joel confessed with a hesitant laugh, shaking his head and squeezing his palms into fists. Even though he didn’t mean for it to happen, he was exploding all of his emotions onto her. “And Negan has shown me what a hypocrite you truly are.”

“What?” she didn’t seem to understand where he was headed.

“You always told me that it didn’t matter that I was normal. That even though I didn’t get to become famous you still loved me. That I was perfect just the way that I was,” Joel reminded her of the things she would often say to him to make him feel better when he’d have depression when they were younger about the things that never came in life. “Yet Negan comes in and he has everything I wanted. He’s rich. He’s giving. People love him. And he can make anything happen with the snap of his fingers. And you are fucking twitterpated. You are obsessed with him. You told me that wasn’t the life you wanted. That wasn’t the kind of person that you wanted, yet you are picking him over me in every way. So either you are a hypocrite or you are a liar. Or maybe you’re both.”

“I don’t see Negan like that,” she swore, placing her hand in over the center of her chest. “You know how I felt about Negan when we were younger. He was the most important person in the world to me. My best friend. He was the boy that lived next door to me. He was sweet. He was caring…”

“And you didn’t want him,” Joel interrupted her with a scowl getting her eyes to lock with his again. “You didn’t care about him. You wanted me. I was the one that you wanted. I kiss you once and you’re eager for me to take you back to my bed to have sex with me. You ripped Negan’s heart out of his chest, you stomped on it and you didn’t give a shit. You didn’t care about that poor boy that lived next door. No, you care about him now that he’s perfect. Now that he has so much fucking money.”

“Are you insinuating that I’m a gold digger?” she wondered, her bottom lip trembling with the things that Joel was saying about her.

“No, I don’t think you’re a gold digger. I think you’re enamored by shiny things because you never got to have them in your life,” Joel claimed, stroking his fingers through his messy hair. “Negan offers you the life that we both wanted but couldn’t have. Instead of working for it, Negan can easily hand it to you. You’re happy. You’re off living the glory life with Negan while I’m still at home, fucking alone and miserable. How is that fair?”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized with a shuddering breath. “If anything, I can admit this, maybe I’m selfish and greedy. Because I love the both of you. I don’t want you alone Joel. There is half of me that loves him, but the other half is head over heels in love with you.”

Joel looked to her, his brown eyes lacking emotion right now while she tried to explain herself but she was coming up short, “Maybe with you playing last night, you can finally have some of the life that you always wanted that you could never have when you were with me. I thought the three of us together was an option that you were okay with. I thought having both me and Negan would make you happy too. Negan brings out parts of you that I couldn’t even do. Getting you to do that piano thing? You were so happy and you had so much fun. Then getting you up on stage? No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get you to do that growing up. You love me, but with Negan…”

“There is nothing between Negan and I,” Joel stressed, the muscles in his body locking up when she explained clearly where she was getting that information from. Sitting to himself, Joel hated that he allowed himself to get so comfortable and relaxed with Negan like he did for a while. Liking a man like that, just didn’t seem right. So he swiftly changed the subject. “I bet if I had the life that Negan had, we would still be together,” Joel commented, his muscles flexing with him trying to hold his anger in. “I could have cheated on you and you’d still be with me because at least you’d have those shiny things and we’d be happy.”

“Cheated on me?” she repeated with Joel looking to her with his eyebrows bouncing in the air.

“I’m just making a point,” Joel scoffed, leaning back to brace some of his weight on his hands. “I think you picked me over Negan when we were younger because I was the one with more potential. I was the more popular one. I had the better parents. I had better prospects. Scouts already planning on snatching me up when we were younger. I was the shiny one that you were drawn to. I guess it’s too fucking bad that you picked the wrong one.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly why I was in love with you Joel. I knew before I was even a pre-teen that you were made for glorious things and that’s why I crushed on you. I thought you were going to make loads of money and that’s exactly what a little girl thinks,” she pressed at the tears over her face hating that Joel was going straight to this. “I knew nothing about you. When you came to that door the first time? I saw you and I fell in love with you immediately. It was love at first sight for me. With your big brown eyes. The dimples where one was more prominent than the other. You were so cute. And then when you were around…”

“I treated you like shit,” Joel reminded her of what he was like when he was a child. “I was miserable. So I treated everyone like shit. I didn’t want to be there. I wanted to go back to Texas. But you didn’t take the hint. You wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone. I couldn’t stand you at first Y/N. The only reason we started hanging out was because you beat the shit out of that kid that was bullying Tommy. I thought then maybe you were worth my time. But even then? I still preferred to be around Negan. You were so desperate to have me like you. And I didn’t. You were a cool girl that everyone liked because you were awesome. But I never liked you like that. You even knew that, that’s why you and Negan hooked up. And I know you used Negan to make me jealous. I just think it’s a little sad that he never realized it. It was cruel. Which is why I have a hard time believing right now that Negan is the man for you. Because the moment I felt anything for you, the moment I gave you attention. You hopped on my dick as fast as you could. I kissed you once, I took you back to my home and you were just begging for me to take your virginity. And I didn’t even have to be romantic. So whatever you’re pulling with Negan right now? You need to let go of it. Because I know I’m your obsession. Not him. It’s always been me. You never loved him. He’s just everything you want me to be so you feel like you have to be with him. He’s too nice to let go. Me? We have history. There is pain. But you know, just as well as I do that your heart? It belongs to me. And you will go through endless amounts of whatever life throws at you because you want to be with me. And you’re hurting the both of us right now because you feel bad. You made Negan think there was something there and there isn’t.”

“I really can’t tell whether you like me or not,” she claimed with a broken breath, her eyes narrowing showing that she was hurt. “Right now, I think you’re upset because you realize that you love me, but you’re attracted to Negan. And that scares you. So you’re taking things out on me. Like you have always done in moments of being upset and not being able to handle things. I’m the only person you can treat like shit because you know I’ll always take it because I love you.”  

“Is that what is going wrong with me?” Joel chuckled, his eyebrows bouncing up when he shook his head slowly. “I’m having a hard time coming to terms with being bisexual so that’s why I’m feeling the way that I’m feeling. It can’t possibly be that I’m upset with how things have been?”

“Do you know what the difference between you and Negan is?” she interrupted his thought process.  

“Oh, I can’t wait to hear this one,” Joel snickered, his head following her movements when she stood up from where they were seated.

“I broke Negan’s heart and he forgave me,” she acknowledged with a nod of her head, stray tears still falling from her eyes. Broken breaths escaped her throat as she tried to wipe them away. “You keep breaking my heart and I’m supposed to be the one that apologizes for it. You shattered my heart into pieces and I blamed myself. It was my fault. And then you kept breaking my heart, but I apologized to you. Because it had to be my fault. I had to have done something wrong.”

Joel said nothing with her starting to sob before him and she shook her head, “forget it.”

“Hey!” Joel called out to her, stopping her when she went to head back for the apartment. Hooking his fingers around her wrist, Joel pulled her back to him.

“You had four years,” she breathed out, sounding incredibly sad about this whole discussion. “Four years to do the bare minimum and I would have taken you back in a heartbeat because I am so head over heels in love with you.”

There were so many people around them, but in that moment it felt like she was the only person that was there for him.

“I don’t question that Negan loves me,” she whispered, her reddened over eyes staring up at him. “But I can’t tell if you love or hate me Joel.”

Sure, he should have said something, but nothing was coming out, “I have always loved you. When I married you Joel, I never loved something more in my life. You were everything I wanted and more,” she whimpered, her head shaking when she spoke. “You want me to pick you Joel? Give up everything with Negan? Prove to me that you love me. Show me that I’m the person that you want to be with. Convince me that you love me. I will reconsider everything if you prove to me right now that you love me. If giving up Negan is the thing that will bring the old Joel back and we can be happy again, then I’ll do it. Just give me a sign that’s what I have to do. If it’s going to make you happy and it will bring back the man I originally married? Then I will do it in an instant.”

Dropping his hand down at his side, Joel’s eyelids grew heavy with his eyes hooked on hers. A breath caught in his throat when she stepped in closer to him. Pressing her hand in over the center of his chest, she tipped up on her toes to faintly brush her lips over his. Letting her kiss him, Joel imagined this was exactly the kind of thing she would have found romantic when they were younger. Kissing in front of the tree, the snow, the moment all together.

What was sad? He believed that. He could tell by the way that she was kissing him that she meant everything that she said. All he had to do was promise her that they could be what they were and she would give up Negan for him. Because that was the time where she was the happiest. He was her happy place. There were no doubts in his mind that if he promised her what she wanted to hear, he could have exactly what he wanted.

But as she kissed him, he thought about the other things that were said before this. How he treated her just being upset about things now. Truthfully? She probably was right. This was his anger about his emotions toward Negan making him feel wrong because of his father. So he was erupting on her. Just now? He treated her fucking terrible. And she was willing to give everything up for him. And then that made him think about how happy Negan seemed to make her. How Negan went above and beyond for everyone. Even though Joel didn’t agree with the whole paparazzi thing and his family being in the limelight, Negan would never hurt her like this. Negan never hurt her like he had. And he’d likely hurt her again. Because Joel was a negative person. Someone who tried hard to be the best version of himself, but he still had a lot of negative thoughts and angry emotions inside of him. And she didn’t deserve to constantly be sad. She deserved to be showed endless amounts of love where she was pampered.

This was everything he wanted, but he knew that he couldn’t take it. And he knew the only way for him to get her to pick Negan completely was to break her heart again. Joel wasn’t good enough for Negan nor Y/N. It just made more sense for him to be alone.

When she pulled her lips from his, he tipped his head back and shook his head, “You’re not the woman I married. I was confused. I thought I loved you, but I don’t…” Joel paused, letting a tremoring breath escape him. It was a lie, but he had to say something to push her away. Right now he could have gotten her to leave Negan in an instant. That was how certain he was after that kiss, but then he couldn’t stop thinking about all the horrible shit he had done to her. How broken he made her. And he realized…she deserved better than him. Even if it was with Negan. “We only got married because you got pregnant with Ellie. Do you really think we would have done that if you didn’t?”

She said nothing. He wasn’t sure if she could. Emotional was an understatement.

“Let’s think like adults for a minute,” Joel began, his throat going dry. “If my parents never died, we would have never gotten married. At home, I was infatuated with you. You were mine. But if I would have went to school, I would have slept with lots of other women. Then you would have gone off to school and started a life of your own. We would have never stayed together.”

Nothing. No words. That shocked him even more.

“Or if we played things out this way. My parents died leaving me to take care of Tommy. I was stuck here. We had sex all the time. You got pregnant. Your parents kicked you out of your home because you refused to get an abortion. I married you because I thought it was the right thing to do. Not because I wanted to get married. Because I was responsible for you now and the baby growing inside of you,” Joel’s voice grew darker when he recounted their past together. What he was doing was selling their life short and making a mockery of it because it was the only sure way that he knew she would go directly to Negan. “If I would have pulled out or spent the extra bucks to get condoms you would have never gotten pregnant. You would have never moved in. You would have gone off to school and you would have abandoned me. We both know the only reason we got married is because of Ellie.”

“I would have abandoned you?” she whispered with Joel nodding. “You were my whole world. I picked you over everything. My whole entire life.”

There was silence only interrupted by the sob that she released, “I’m not the woman that you married? Well, you’re not the man that I married Joel. The Joel that I married was selfless. He showed love. He may have been depressed, but he loved and he loved deeply. You pretending it was something less than that is an absolute lie.”

“You tell yourself whatever makes you feel better,” Joel suggested with a tip of his head. “I don’t love you Y/N. You were a marriage out of guilt. Nothing more. I’ve only been so focused on getting back with you because…”

A shuddering breath fell from her lips with a single nod of her head, holding her hand up to alert him that he needed to stop. In those last few minutes, he broke her heart again and he knew it. Giving Joel a final once over, she headed back toward the apartment building leaving him alone.

Inhaling sharply, there was part of Joel that wondered if he should go after her. Instead, he just let her leave. Going back to where he was sitting with her previously, Joel stayed there for quite some time just waiting. Watching people together. So many people around him were happy. They were with their families, friends, their loved ones and they were swept up in the holiday spirit.

And then there was him.

Getting up from where he was seated, Joel started to walk around knowing that he wasn’t ready to go back to the apartment just yet. Stopping at the bar that Negan took them to last night, Joel considered things and got in line to get in. Maybe he would just take a moment to relish one more time. It was highly unlikely that he would ever come back to this place. He would get wasted and then head back to the apartment.

In the distance, Joel saw a pair of eyes locking on him and he noticed it was the security guard that had pushed him up onto the stage last night. Moving down the line, he wiggled his fingers at Joel to follow him. Thinking things over, Joel realized that he was having a lot of problems with being treated better because of Negan, but right now he was going to take up their offer.

“What were you doing getting in the line Mr. Miller?” the security guard stammered, leading Joel toward the entrance of the club. “You know that you will always be welcome here. Either mention the owners name or if you see me, come to me.”

“That’s…nice,” Joel didn’t know what to say stepping into the bar realizing how many people he just got to pass up in order to get here. Instead of what it was like last night, Joel just headed over to the busy bar and order himself a whiskey. Sitting to himself listening to the sounds of the loud talking and the music booming through the place had him feeling even more lonely than he thought he would feel.

“Mr. Miller,” another voice boomed with an arm wrapping around his shoulders eliciting an uncomfortable breath from Joel. It was the owner of the club and he looked excited to see Joel there. “I thought that was you! We had a lot of broken hearts last night with all the women that were here wishing that they were going home with you, but you left.”

“I’m sure,” Joel managed to snake himself out from underneath the arm of the owner, going back to drink his whiskey.

“What are you doing with this shit?” the owner scoffed, waving his fingers at the bartender to come over. “You get this man the highest quality whiskey we have. And the bill is on me. Get him whatever he wants.”

With an obedient nod, the bartender did just that and Joel huffed. All this because he was friends with Negan?

“Have you come to play for us again tonight?” the man questioned having Joel laugh and shrug his shoulders. “I’m serious. I think the people here would really enjoy it.”

“Why?” Joel was blunt, his eyes narrowing when he turned on the bar stool that he was seated on. “What do you owe Negan?”

“What do I owe Negan?” the man repeated with a wrinkle of his nose. “Nothing. I just like what I heard last night and I wouldn’t mind hearing it again.”

“It wasn’t my music and I don’t have a guitar,” Joel pointed out, drinking down the glass of expensive whiskey that he was given letting out a loud hiss when he swallowed.

“No one here sings their original music my friend,” the owner pointed toward the stage where a younger artist was also singing popular music of the time. “You want someone here to steal your music and then claim it as your own? No, I don’t think so.”

Waving for another drink for Joel, the owner sighed loudly and shrugged his shoulders, “I hate the audience that we are drawing lately. You are a different kind of a draw and I like it. We have the same guitar in the back, I’ll get it for you and you can sing some things for us.”

“Did one of your acts not show up?” Joel inquired with a smirk when the owner didn’t respond. With a laugh, Joel pointed at the owner and shook his head. “That’s what I thought.”

“You don’t like having the limelight on you?” the man stammered, eyeballing Joel over when he swallowed down the next glass of whiskey that was before him. “Sing for these people. Sing whatever your heart desires. You’ll be doing me a favor and you get to know what it feels like to have people wanting you. To be the center of attention for the second night in a row…”

“Fine,” Joel grumbled having the man clap his hands together. “I can’t promise I’ll be any better than yesterday. I’m kind of in a shit mood.”

“Angst. That shit sells better than anything,” the man suggested, motioning Joel to wait. “I’ll go get the guitar. When this act is done, you can go up. Just don’t try to run this time. Okay?”

Doing as he was told, Joel listened like a good boy. Got another drink in before he was called to the stage. Tonight, he didn’t have a support system. Y/N wasn’t standing by the stage to let him know that everything would be okay. That regardless of what happened, she would be there to stand by him every step of the way. Today he was alone. The very thing he did to himself.

Starting to strum at the guitar, Joel let the first thing that came to mind fall from his lips.

“I hurt myself today,” Joel sang with an awe from the crowd to those that knew the chord and the lyrics. “To see if I still feel. I focus on the pain. The only thing that’s real.”

With this one? It was mixed this time from both men and women that liked it. Last night, most of the audience was women that were enjoying the things that he was singing. They were romance songs. This song? Hurt was about self-destruction.

“The needle tears a hole. The old familiar sting. Try to kill it all away. But I remember everything,” Joel continued on, looking toward the place Y/N had been standing the night before. Telling her that he didn’t love her echoed in his mind. Replaying like a moment from a movie. The way she looked at him. The pain she undoubtedly felt. “What have I become? My sweetest friend. Everyone I know goes away in the end. And you can have it all. My empire of dirt. I will let you down. I will make you hurt.”

Misery flooded his veins, but he kept at it. Maybe it made him sound better. But he continued the song. Having a bigger reaction than he did last night by the time he finished it. Several more songs came to him, until he decided he had enough. Right now? He felt empty. And singing what he was just made him feel worse.

Avoiding the crowd of people, Joel went back to the bar and got himself another drink. He regretted doing that. It was stupid and unnecessary. Finishing his drink, Joel slammed the glass down on top of the bar and started to head toward the door.

“You’re leaving so early?” a familiar voice called out to Joel having him stop before he could leave. Looking back over his shoulder, Joel saw the same familiar set of green eyes. “You didn’t even look like you enjoyed that today. And people were sold on it.”

“Maggie,” Joel breathed her name, surprised that she was there. Then he remembered what Negan told him about her. “You’re here again?”

“With a few of my friends too,” she responded, nodding her head back toward a table in the corner. “You’re alone this time?”

“I am,” Joel answered, straightening up his posture when she stepped in closer to him.

“So tell me Joel,” Maggie stepped forward, her hand dipping between them to palm in over the center of Joel’s pants having him let out a sharp exhale. “Is everything bigger in Texas?”

“You tell me,” Joel grunted, his brow line creasing with her pressing in closer to him.

“My friend lives a few blocks from here. There’s three of us,” Maggie alerted Joel with a tip of her head. “What do you think?”

“You’re persistent,” Joel reached for her wrist to pull it from his body with a scoff.

“Tonight I’m willing to share you,” Maggie offered with a shrug of her shoulders. “Wouldn’t you like that? Being pampered by three beautiful women? It looks like you could use it.”

Thinking things over, Joel bit down on his bottom lip and then nodded once, “I’ll be right back.”

Waiting, Joel wondered if he was making a mistake or not. He would have loved something like this when he was younger. Three women willing to pamper his every need. He’d be crazy to turn something like that down.

But then again? He was crazy. Because he just devastated the woman of his dreams because he didn’t think he was good enough for her. She was willing to give herself over completely to him and he hurt her again.

Swiftly stepping aside, Joel was quick to move toward the exit of the building. When he gazed back over his shoulder he saw Maggie returning to where she was with her friends looking for him. That wasn’t what he wanted. And he was a fool for even considering it.

Sneaking out as quickly as he could, Joel was swift to make his way back through the streets of New York. Finding his way back to the apartment building, Joel knew that he needed to tell Y/N how he really felt instead of letting his hurt feelings speak for him. Allowing her to think that he didn’t love her was the worst possible thing he could do tonight. Not having her at the bar tonight made him realize that without her, things weren’t gratifying for him. Even if he did have the life that he always wanted, it wouldn’t make him happy. Because she was the thing that made him happy. Not the spotlight of music. She was his inspiration. The thing that made his heart full. With her there last night, he knew that he had someone there that loved him. Someone that would lift him up if everything failed.

At the apartment, he almost slid across the floor with how fast he was moving when he got through the security to get to the elevator. He couldn’t push the buttons fast enough. She left him crying tonight and that really was the last thing that he wanted.

With the elevator doors opening, Joel ran out into the apartment realizing that the lights were off. Everyone had gone to sleep and no one was up waiting for him. Clearing his throat, he stumbled through the living room and headed for the bedroom that he knew Negan and Y/N were in. He’d just ask to talk to her alone so he could do exactly what she asked of him. Tell her how much he loved her and how nothing felt worth a damn with her not in his life. That was his problem. Life felt empty without her.

Pushing open the door, Joel stopped in his tracks when he saw with the small amount of light that was filtering into the room that her head was buried against the center of Negan’s chest. She had been crying and he knew that by how she looked. Stepping back toward the doorframe, Joel hid himself in the shadows.

Negan had her wrapped up in his arms in a loving manner. Holding her in a way that Joel hadn’t in years. This was the very thing she wanted. The thing that she had begged him for when they were still married. Tenderness. Love. Affection. Everything she wanted from him, she had with Negan.

A shift in breathing alerted Joel that Negan had woken up and instantly he lifted his head to check on Y/N. His fingers brushed over her shoulders and he placed a loving kiss over her head, “I love you. So much.”

That was all he needed to hear to realize that nothing he could do would prove that he was the better option. Negan was everything she wanted, everything she needed that she was lacking with him. There was nothing he could give her because in Negan, Joel saw exactly what it was that Y/N wanted. Pure love.

Backstepping away from the bedroom, Joel felt like a house was crushing him with the weight of the world falling on his shoulders. It hit him then just how much he truly fucked up in life and it hurt. The one person who had always loved him and supported him even at his worst had found someone else. And she deserved so much better than Joel.  

Heading up the stairs, Joel kicked his boots off and headed over toward Elizabeth’s room. Stumbling into the room, Joel laid down on the floor beside her bed and stared up at the ceiling. It didn’t take long for Elizabeth to notice he was there with her lifting up and looking over the side of the bed.

“Dad? Are you okay?” Elizabeth reached for his hand, her fingers hooking with his realizing that Joel was crying. “Dad?”

Sliding over in her bed, she pat the bed beside her begging Joel to come lay with her. Getting up on the bed, Joel laid in beside her and Elizabeth held tightly to his hand. Crawling in beside him, she rest her head against the center of Joel’s chest and he cuddled her close.

“It’s going to be okay,” she assured Joel with a worried breath and Joel gave a small nod, nuzzling his nose in over her head.

He hoped so. But he wasn’t sure it would ever be okay again.

----

Tags: @chainsawsangel @fancypeacepersona @violent-darkness @negansbestie @elegantfanficluv

@sanctuaryforthelost @dead-of-niight @dilfsandmartinis @jennydehavilland

[thatonegreenleaf]

~June Singh~ Sim Download + CC links!

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This is June! She was made as a response to the extensive lore that was being developed on my twitch stream when I was building a grunge style record & music store. (find that build here) She goes hand in hand with Cyrus Morrison, and is a shy poet with a flair for song writing!

TOU:

♥ Plz credit me at least once if you use and post her with no changes made.

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⇢Skin Details:

Eyelids N9 | Little Details (left cheek) | Mercuria skin overlay (merged) | Misc face details (skindetail and occult) | mesmerized body blush | spotlight (tattoo) | eyelashes | kissed freckles (merged) | floral skin detail set (merged)

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checkmate hair (alpha alternative: N73 hair) | angel eyes (non default) | eyebrows #3 | bare skinetones (merged/non genetic) | eye preset 5f | lip presets F N33-41 | ear presets | belly slider | shoulder height/slider | eyebrow sliders N1 | eyelids sliders N1 | cleft chin slider | eyebrow width slider | thigh slider V2  | facial asymmetry slider | neck+height slider | hip shape slider | EA lash remover

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sleeve tattoo (merged) | dragon torso tattoo | hand tattoo | nostril piercing | offset septum piercing

⇢Everyday:

necklace | socks V3 (calf, plain) | eva tights | becca 2 shoes | earrings | plaid shirt accessory | lace top | seqoia skirt | taylor eyeliner/lipstick

⇢Formal:

uchis dress with lace | lina shoes | sara armlet | taylor eyeliner/lipstick | lailah earrings

⇢Athletic:

yoga pants | sneakers 2 | adidas tee | smart watch | kingdom earrings | beanieV1 plain | taylor eyeliner/lipstick | socks V3 (calf, plain)

⇢Sleep:

knit shorts | kai top | teddy bear slippers

⇢Party:

earrings | skirt | top | socks V3 (calf, plain) | taylor eyeliner/lipstick | tattoo choker | boots V1 (fem) | beret

⇢Swimwear:

smiley earrings | bottoms (5) | musa top | ring choker | taylor eyeliner/lipstick

⇢Hot Weather:

hat (no spikes) | glitter fishnets | taylor eyeliner/lipstick | sunburn earrings | necklace | suede trainers (01) | socks V1 (ankle, plain) | tank top | shorts

⇢Cold Weather:

earrings | choker | taylor eyeliner/lipstick | jacket accesory | embroidered bodysuit | jeans | street boots 

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[lilmissasap]

agape- nicholas britell

summary: miles is takin down ur braids 

published: july 27, 2023

warnings: Grammarly hates me, the patriarchy, a dash of toxic masculinity, miles being a product of that grrah grah boom type masculinity, aave (no im not translating shit for you yall got access to urban dictionary and its not really a warning), i edited it myself so lmk if there are any mistakes

sueñito- little dream, bonito- handsome/ pretty boy, no me importa- i don't care/ it's not important to me

w/c: 1.5 k

reader's black coded cus im black so deal w it <3

i think this something every black boy be needin deep down

“Stop movin, ma” 

“It’s knotty,” 

“You had these in for how long?” 

Silence. 

“There's your answer right there, mama,”  

“Sorry,” 

“Nun to be sorry for, just hold still,” 

Currently sitting on the bathroom floor criss-cross apple sauce, Miles was sitting on the toilet, your head between his knees, while he was taking down the frizzy lemonade braids that barely hugged your scalp anymore. 

“Miles?” 

He hums in response, rat tail comb in one hand, a tub of coconut oil in the other, threading the tail of the comb through the extensions down your back  

“You’re the prettiest boy in all of Brooklyn,” 

“Shut up” 

“Prettiest boy I’ve ever seen,” 

“Nuh-uh,” 

“Fuck you mean ‘nuh uh’? The little freckles all over your cheeks? Cutest things I’ve ever seen, especially how they’re all slightly different shades, like lil polka dots all over your face, gives me a map a’ where to kiss. The little tiny dimple on the left side of your face? Adorable, 10/10, no notes. Also very kissable." He's still now, staring at the back of your head, using bundles strewn over his shoulder, mouth agape. “Them thick and long ass eyelashes? I could stare at ‘em all day, they look like teeny tiny butterfly wings when you rest your eyes.” 

“Shut up,” he whispers, still unmoving, the little dab of coconut oil on his fingers slowly dribbling down his wrist 

“Your mind pretty as hell, too, I like listening to what you have to hear when you let me,” you mumble, pressing tiny kisses into his cargo pant–clad kneecap. 

“Stop doin that shit, ma” 

“What?” 

“Talkin all crazy like that,” 

“I’m not talkin crazy, miles I’m being honest,” 

“You makin me out to be some weak ass lil boy,” 

“Miles.” you turn around abruptly, staring at him dead in the eye. “I’m jus being honest wit you. What's going on?” 

“It’s nothin, ma, turn around”  

“Sueñito. Lemme know what's up,” 

“It’s nothin,” 

You huff, turning around to face the bottom of the sink again. Silence bellows throughout the bathroom, Miles rubbing oil on your braids to detangle them to later drag the comb in once again and throw the discarded hair extension over his shoulder. The only sound between the two of you is the Marvin Gaye spinning on the record player, rooms away, dull basslines thrumming through the apartment. 

“Ion like this,” 

“What?” 

“Whatever jus happened, we talk about what's bothering us,” 

“Ain't nothin botherin me, ma,” 

“Then why you start buggin' the second I get to complimenting you?” 

“Cus ian wit all that girly shit,” 

“Fuck you mean girly shit, I’m jus tryna love up on you Miles,” your nostrils flare as you stare ahead of you.  

“Baby, I’m all for that but–” 

“Miles, did someone tell you boys can't get that?” 

A silence. 

“Baby.” 

“What?” 

“Jus cus you a boy dont mean you don't deserve love,” 

“Aint nobody say allat–” 

“Shut up Ian done,” you say, swiftly turning around and snagging the oil and comb from his hand “jus cus you a boy doesn't mean you don't deserve to feel shit miles. Ion know what it was like wit your last girl, but Ian her. Okay? You allowed to be a person wimme, you know that right?” 

“Ma–” 

“Shut up I still ain't done yet. Miles I’m real, I’m right here. real like you, I promise you I’m not goin nowhere right now,” 

“You done?” 

“Yeah,”  

“C’mere,” he motions to his lap, taking the comb and oil out of your hands and setting them on the tiled floor, laying out the discarded bundles.  

“ ‘s oil all up on my hands” 

“No me importa ma, come up on here,”  

Obeying and wiping the excess coconut oil off your hand, you do. Straddling his lap, and looking into his eyes, examining the twinge of sadness in his eyes. 

“Talk to me, mama,” 

“I want you to know that you deserve love and that you’re allowed to feel some typa way. I want you to talk to me, Miles. I care about you so much and I wanna make sure you’re good. I love hearing you talk, but Ion like havin to beg you to talk to me. I love jus bein in your presence, but I hate feelin like that Miles. I don’t know who told you whatever's going through your head right now but they dead wrong. I wanna know how you be feelin, I wanna know.” 

“Why you even talk like this to me?” 

“Cus I’m your girl, n I like to kiss up on you and love all up on you,” 

At this, he averts his eyes, trying to escape your gaze, his breath audibly speeding up. 

“Mm mm, don't do that Miles. Please breathe,” 

You plead, subconsciously pressing your middle three fingers under his jaw trying to measure his heart rate. Almost as a reflex to hide from you, he shrugs your hand away from under his jaw and pulls his hoodie over his mouth.

“Nah nah, don't hide from me neither,”  

“Ain’t nobody hidin from you,” 

“Jus cus you a boy don’t mean you don't deserve them random ass cuddles, or someone to tie up your durag or wash your hair. It don’t mean you shouldn't get flowers or hugs or them lil hickies behind your ear. Don't mean you not allowed to be sad or mad or wanna cry. Now Ion know who told you or made you feel that way but they dead wrong Miles. You allowed to feel with me,” 

“Ian some lil boy runnin around though, that shit ain't for me,” 

“If you wasn't supposed to feel and acknowledge your feelings, why would you be able to feel them? They there for a reason,” 

Still straddled on his lap, he looks up at you with the tiny leverage you have on him. His eyes are big and doe-like, almost as if he’s scared to make this next step, say this next sentence.” 

“Ion know why,” he mumbles, voice soft and scared. suddenly he’s kissin up on you, gripping anything he can get his hands on, like he’s making up for lost time, lost feelings. It's urgent and a little rough, though his lips are soft and velvety, a twinge of menthol chapstick on them.  

“Yo yo yo, slow down. Ian goin nowhere” you whisper into his mouth, nails gently raking across his neck “ ‘m right here Miles, see?” you ask, guiding his hands to feel on the left side of your chest, right above your heart. “ ‘s my heart under there, I'm right here okay? I’m real, Miles I swear,” 

“You’re real?” he whispers, breath shaky and uneven fisting the thin fabric of your camisole under the evergreen zip-up, in an attempt to feel more of your heart. 

“You allowed to feel your feelings the same way you feel my heart,” 

He still looks astonished, scared, and frozen. suddenly it wasn’t him you were talking to anymore. it was the scared little Brooklyn boy who had all these feelings stored away inside him, unsure of what to do or who to show them to.  

“ ‘m sitting right here miles. I’m your girl, okay? This is real, and you are real,” 

“I’m real?” tears begin to swim in his eyes. 

“You’re real miles. and those feelings in that big heart of yours? Those are real too. And if you let me, I wanna hear all of 'em.”  

His body stills once more against you, a small tear gliding down his cheek. 

“I love you,” 

And then he’s sobbing. 

“Sshh, hey it's okay” you whisper, holding him close to your chest. “I love you so much I can’t hardly breathe when I'm around you. It’s okay and you're okay, Miles. I’m real and this is real and you. You are real.” you mumble into his braids, holding him with the protectiveness of a mother with a small child. 

He just sat there, his head buried in your chest as he cried quietly, letting everything out. You just sat and let him cry and vent through his tears. All the things he had bottled up, discouraged to show to anyone. Sooner or later the tears slow to a stop, his face puffy and hot. 

Gently tugging the ends of his braids, he looks up at you. 

“You feel better sueñito?” you ask, dragging the cuff of your sweater to dry his face and pressing butterfly kisses to his cheeks in its wake. He did nothing but nod lazily, seemingly lighter, and nuzzling his face into your chest. 

“Lemme finish wiping up your face n then you can be all up on me, bonito, okay? 

He just nodded, dropping his head back to rest against the bathroom wall, the half-taken-out braids on your scalp no longer th task at hand. Reaching behind him you grab a baby wipe and swipe the tears and snot off his face, leaving his skin with a glossy finish. Holding his chin up, you look dead in his eyes. 

“You so beautiful Miles.” 

And this time, he nods. 

🩷 reblogs are always appreciated for reach <3

[wutheringcaterpillar]

A Change of Scenery

Summary: You and Cliff have a history, a flirty one at that, who knows what can happen when you appear on his doorstep asking for a place to stay.

Warnings: age gap, daddy kink, smut smut smut, shameless flirting, p in v, unprotected sex, kitchen sex, oral (f!receiving)

- i haven’t wrote smut or in general in so long, let me know what you think!

The night was humid, not a cloud in the sky as Cliff parked his car in the dirt, dust lingering in the air from his quick-wit drifting.

He sighed, lighting a cigarette between his plump lips, scratching at the stubble on his beard when he stepped out of the car.

The day had been extensively long, having to do stunts back to back, take after take until it was perfect but he’d never complain, not when it was something he loved. His legs ached as he merely limped back to the trailer.

“Ah shit..” Inhaling the smoke, he was almost at the door when he saw two barefoot resting in the dirt, but he recognized those feet.

Glancing up, his eyes scanned every inch of your thin, young body until he was met with those beading, sorrowful eyes.

You didn’t know where else to go…you had no friends no family other than your shit dad.

You only met Cliff a year ago but he was always very protective of you, put up with your flirting but always laying down the law that nothing was going to happen until you were an adult.

As impatient as you were, you respected that but it’d be a lie to say the profound crush you had on him went away.

The immense attraction only growing, he looked so cool, so masculine in his tight shirt, muscles glistening in the moonlight, and those charismatic blue eyes could pull you into a trance every second of every day.

“What the hell are you doing at my doorstep? Another fight with your pops huh?” Fuck he had forgotten how pretty you were, mesmerizing even.

The way your hair flowed freely, gently blowing in the wind, the way your soft lips always curled into a shimmering, adoring smile, and man how those shorts always fit that ass perfectly.

But nevertheless, he was an older man that had already been through the ring but he wasn’t tryin’ to get in anymore trouble, especially not with his friend’s daughter.

God he couldn’t stop staring at the way your tits rested so peacefully, nipples half hardened under that thin crop top you were wearing while he waited for a response.

“Go figure, on my birthday too. Can I stay here tonight or for a bit until things calm down and I get my shit straightened out?” Shit, your birthday that meant one thing….you were legal now.

Putting on the pouty face and pleading eyes, you batted those way too precious eyelashes at him, a sexual tension still very much there as you spread you legs, biting down on the bottom lip.

He cursed to himself, knowing he’d never be able to tell you no now.

“Get your ass inside.” Squealing in excitement, your body jumped up from the metal trailer steps, hands and arms wrapping around him gleefully when you jumped into his arms, forcing him to drop his cigarettes on the ground.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! Ah! We’re going to have so much fun!” Your tits being pressed flesh against his chest and your feet sliding down past his belt on the backside wasn’t helping his predicament.

Pulling away there was a moment of silence, a heated, raw exchange when you stared into each others eyes. Those crystal blue eyes were so intimidating yet always found a way to pull you in, something about the way he stared at you was palpable, twisting your insides and making in-between your thighs wet.

But boy when he looked at you, he didn’t understand what you saw in him with the big age gap but by no means was he complaining, cause god damn did he want to devour you, see those beautiful eyes rolling in the back of your head because of him, all him.

“You know you don’t gotta ever thank me sweetheart. Now go on, gotta feed my dog then we’ll figure out what we’re doing. Sound good?” Still holding you up, your natural instincts kicked in not being able to pass up an opportunity, instead of responding with words, you smashed your lips into his, desperately needing to taste him. Fuckk you had waited so fucking long for this man.

It was evident when he slipped his tongue inbetween your delicate lips that he still felt the same.

You were like a drug he never wanted to quit using, your damn lips tasting like a sweet Cherry chapstick, tongue tasting like a fresh leaf of mint.

Removing one hand from your ass, he skimmed the smoothe skin of your back, slowly guiding his hand up the ascending buddy he’d craved for so long until he landed on your neck, pushing you in closer, deepening the passionate, needful kiss even more like a hungry wolf desperate for his dessert.

You bit his lip tenderly before letting yourself down out of his strong grasp, nearly skipping heavenly into his home.

He scoffed to himself, a playful smile tugging at his lips as he watched your ass cheeks wiggle with each step.

“Shit Cliff, what the hell did you get yourself into.”

Feeding the dog, she whimpered impatiently for her dinner while you sat beside her in the recliner.

“Don’t tease her! How would you like to be teased with your food.” Twirling your hair with one finger, you reached for one of his cigarette’s on the side table, lighting the tube of tobacco instantly, taking in a deep inhale just waiting for that nicotine high.

“Darlin’ I’ve been teased and tested for a goddamn year. She’ll survive.” He chuckled slightly, raising pointed eyebrows at you before chattering his teeth, letting her know to come eat.

The way the dog ran right on cue, never missing a beat made you think of how obedient you could be for Cliff, always following his orders doing as he said, the idea only creating waves of sweet honey drenching your thin panties.

“Did’ya eat yet?” Shaking your head, he motioned with his finger for you to come over to him with expectant eyes, causing a flutter inside your tummy.

Filling a pot with some water, he tossed two servings of noodles in the water, letting the water warm up before he added the cheese.

Jumping up on the kitchen counter, you spread your legs once more while your feet dangled, eyes beaming with desire and your lip’s quirking up in a inclination to what you really wanted for dinner whilst he threw some ramen in a pot.

“Darlin’ you don’t have to do that to get my attention…”

Lifting his shirt, he wiped a dribble of beer off his chin, revealing his glowing, perfectly structured, chiseled abs and the happy little trail leading to what you reall needed right now desperately.

God he looked ravishing the sweat still drenched on his white tank top from the summer heat, his beige shorts showing the shape of his hardened shaft bulging in the fabric.

“Fuck me…” Lifting your shirt up over your arms, your well rounded tits, descended from their enclosure, and god damn Cliff couldn’t look anywhere else, your body was like a god damn drug that he was prepared to get addicted to no matter the risk.

“Pretty, pretty please daddy…” He smiled in amusement, being called daddy making his dick strain harder against his shorts.

“Daddy huh?” His eyes connected with yours, his veiny hands roaming around his belt unfastening it.

His cock sprang free from his white jeans, slapping against his abdomen eagerly.

He was big, no that was an understatement. One vein on the front side of his shaft was popping out near the top where he was glistening, swollen head was already dripping with a clear coating of precum.

He wasted no time in muttering under his breath about those tight god damn shorts before ripping them right off along with your soaked underwear.

“Is my little girl just aching for some of daddy’s cock, hmm?” You nodded in desperation and erratic desire.

He spread two of his fingers inbetween your folds, mouth watering of thirst to taste you, lick up all your slick like it was his last meal.

Your pussy looked soo smooth, so inviting like she was begging for every fiber of him to be inside but he’d waited so long, he was gonna take his time with this.

Getting down on his knees, they smacked against the concrete floor, causing s dull pain that he ignored as he tumbled to the floor, hands landing on your inner thigh forcing you legs apart making an utter, surprised gasp escape from your lips.

His tongue was swirling into your heat, breath hot against your delicate skin. His fingers teased at your entrance, eyes looking up at you as his tongue slid up to the bulb of your throbbing clit, sucking and kissing the sensitive area.

You couldn’t help but to release a wildly, exotic moan as if you were on cloud nine.

He chuckled against your heat at how sensitive you were, how clear it was to him that no man ever took the time to do this for you and he was relishing every second of it.

The padding of his cracked thumb slid in your pretty little cunt agonizingly slowly.

He could feel you clench around him at the smallest intrusion, feeling you out before adding another finger.

Eyes glued to him with a longing gaze, hands twirling in his dirty blonde strands, pushing him in closer as he flicked and sucked relentlessly with a persistent rhythym that wouldn’t make you last long at all.

His digits curling ever so slightly inside of you, picking up the pace of his fingers.

He was getting harder with each passing second and when he knew you were close, could tell by how much more wetness was dripping out of you he pulled his fingers, forcing a whine in return.

“No, no baby…” His disgruntled, yet alluring voice trailed off when he took his hand to wrap around around your neck instantly, other hand aligning himself with your tight, slipper canal.

The heated exchange only make you crave one another even more.

“We’re just getting started.” He was taking you right here, right now on this kitchen counter, not wanting to waste another second not being in that beautiful, irresistible body.

Unexpectedly he plunged his long, girthy length inside of your blooming rose, the suction of your walls feeling like euphoria to him

He released a low, gruff moan, eyebrows scrunching together in pleasure from how fucking tight you were, how he could tell he was your first.

You really did wait for him.

“Fuck, mmm daddy… you’re so fucking big.” God that moan escaping from those plush lips was fucking biblical, sounding like a psalm straight out of the bible laced with seduction and insatiable desire.

You didn’t care about the pain, or whether you’d bleed, the only thing you cared about was getting fucked into oblivion by Cliff.

His cock speared and rutted into you tight, soaked walls like a dog in heat, balls slapping with each powerful thrust and roll of his muscular hips.

“Baby you didn’t tell me how fucking tight you were…all fucking mine every fuckin inch of you..” In the heat of the moment he pulled you in closer bottoming out his girth inside of you, one hand cusping at your perky nipples while the other grabbed you by the bottom of your chin, needing to have his lips on yours.

Your hands grasped at both sides of his cheeks, elbow knocking over the soup in the process, the two of you not giving a single fuck when the pot clattered on the ground, contents spilling all over the floor and some dishes shattering into tiny pieces.

His chest drenched in even more sweat stuck to your skin like glue, the friction of overwhelming pressure grew stronger with each thrust in your stomach.

The hair of his pubes scratched roughly against your skin he pummeled every inch of his cock inside of you, each ramming thrust making your tits bounce, thighs shaking.

You couldn’t help but glance down, needing to watch him disappear inside your untouched body, only making it more real for you that he was fucking you relentlessly.

“Daddy, ughhh Cliff feels so fucking good..” Your eyebrows raised in profound pleasure from his cock stretching your tight pussy, hitting all the oh so right, sensitive spots without needing any direction.

“Taking me so well babygirl, my dirty good girl. Fuckk…” He moaned breathlessly. Noticing the tears brimming at your eyelids from the profound pleasure he was causing you.

He wasn’t going to last much longer, not with poontang like that, so fucking tight and milking him for all he’s got.

It wasn’t long until he was rutting into you vigorously, his white, syrupy seed oozing and spurting into your ovaries, warming every inch of your body.

Back arching and toes curling around his waist, you tugged him down by his neck, a firm grasp on his leathery skin as you got lost in euphoria completely.

In that moment you has his clear, undivided attention, he wanted to stare and study your face while he made you cum, made you crumble and break beneath him.

“Go on, cum all over my fucking cock, release yourself sweetie.” It was like a scene out of movie that way your lips parted slightly, hot, breathless moans escaping from you, eyes widening in overstimulation as you clenched around his cock, flooding, and showering his length in your slick, the tremendous mess you made, slowly descending down his balls, some coating the kitchen counter.

“Oh my god…” Cliff chuckled against your breast as you both tried to collect your breathing and put it back on track.

“I’ll tell ya what, you were worth the fuckin’ year.” A rosy shade of amber crossed over your cheeks as you smiled like a teenager in love.

Unexpectedly he scooped you up in his muscular arms, making you squeal in giddy happiness as he walked you both to the shower.

“What about the mess?” He turned the water on, lighting s cigarette in the process.

“Don’t worry about that. Brandy’s got it.”

The night ended with you curled up in his arms in the bed, having another round or two.

He promised you one thing though which was rare for him to promise anything to anyone.

With your head laying on his chest, your fingers traced various parts of his shoulders and neck, almost falling asleep until he spoke.

“You can stay here as long as you’d like. I hope you know that, maybe tomorrow I’ll run you into town and get you some clothes…” That big bright smile was back, and you knew you didn’t have to say anything, instead curling in as close as you could, him squeezing you, gluing your body to him as you both drifted into sleep.

[sumieyelashes]

Create Bold, Flirty Lashes with the Gorgeous Hybrid Eyelashes Set

When it comes to enhancing your natural beauty, there’s nothing quite as effective as the perfect set of lashes. Eyelashes are the make-or-break feature that edges the eyes out, and precisely defined eyelashes can change the whole look. You may be searching for glamorous and bold or something easy-going, but a good pair of eyelashes can reinvent. That is where the Gorgeous Hybrid Eyelashes Set enters as an eyelash extension savior. Read More….

[1818havefaith]

2016 NATURAL GLOW: FAITH’S GUIDE

OVERVIEW

This one’s my personal favourite. Simple, yet effective. A look to enhance your natural beauty. The eyebrows are very 2016, the lashes are bold, but everything else is quite toned down and simple. This look is perfect for everyday and special occasions. You can also do it without foundation to make it even more simple.

PRODUCTS

Primer

Baby powder

Foundation, tinted moisturiser(can be done without)

Concealer

Setting/loose powder

Pressed powder

Eyebrow gel

Brow pomade

Highlighter

Lashes

Lash glue

Lip gloss

Setting spray

TOOLS

Powder brush

Beauty blender

Tweezers

Brow brush

STEPS

BASE

Apply primer to skin, (skincare should be done before this step) make sure primer is applied ALL OVER your face

#faithtip After applying primer, use a brush to apply baby powder to your skin

These two steps will keep your makeup intact for AGES and prevent a lot of sweating through makeup

Then apply foundation or tinted moisturiser and blend well with a beauty blender (you can skip this step to keep your makeup light)

#faithtip wet your beauty blender with setting spray for better hold and easier blending

Apply pressed powder with a powder brush and blend well with a brush

This look is quite light, so instead of under-eye concealer apply loose setting powder from under your eyes to your temples, using a beauty blender

Apply loose setting powder from the side of your lip to the side of your face, under your cheek

Leave the setting powder unblended for now

BROWS

One of the KEYS to this look is eyebrows, make sure your brows have a defined shape

Brush through your brows and shape them with brow gel

Use pomade and a small brow brush to draw a line on the bottom of your eyebrows, following the shape of your brows

Draw a line at the top of your brows following the shape of your brows again

Fill your brows in within the lines

Brush through your brows again with brow gel

After this, apply concealer under your brows

The concealer should look like you have painted an outline of your eyebrows

Blend this in with a beauty blender

Use a beauty blender to apply loose powder underneath and on top of your brows, let it sit.

LASHES

When I do this look I don’t apply lashes because I wear cluster lashes/extensions, I find it quicker and easier for me to get ready

People who wear lash extensions/clusters can also skip lash application

STRIP LASHES

But for this step apply glue to strip lashes

Wave the lashes around for a bit so the glue dries a tiny bit and feels a little bit sticky

Place them on the lash line and adjust where needed (using tweezers or fingers)

CLUSTER LASHES

Strip lashes can also be cut into smaller pieces or use cluster lashes

Dip them into glue and wipe off the excess

Use tweezers to hold the lashes

Pull the top of your eyelid upwards so you can see underneath your eyelashes

#faithtip Wipe the glue on the part you are applying to then you can dip the lash in glue again before actually placing it underneath your lash

This make the lashes more firm and secure

Make sure it is not too close to your eye as this can be irritating

Fan your eyes if you can still feel wet glue

BACK TO THE BASE

Using a powder brush, brush away/blend out the loose powder, under your eyes, under your cheeks and around your eyebrows

Blend VERY well, as the powder has been sat on your face for a while, so it will not move easily

After this, apply a gold/bronze tone highlighter on the tip of your nose, on your cheek bones, your brow bone and cupids bow

Apply in moderation and blend slightly with finger to avoid looking ashy

Now use setting spray (holding it not too close to your face) over your face 3-4 times

LIPS

Add more highlighter to cupids bow if needed

Apply Vaseline/lip balm for moisture

Apply clear lip gloss

[kate-bot]

OKAY SO I've gotten two asks about my Noisette cosplay AND THANK YOU SM FOR THE KIND WORDS !!!!!!!! It was sm fun to make this cos, so I will gladly explain everything I did in hopes that it might help someone else!! also both anons please share your cosplays with me when theyre done i would love to see them....

I've tried to link everything where I can, where I got stuff etc... I only rarely cosplay (although I am thinking of going as the noise in May Comiccon) and this was my biggest ever project so!! It's very trial-and-error! But without further ado

KATES EXTENSIVE(ish) GUIDE TO COSPLAYING NOISETTE FROM THE HIT GAME PIZZA TOWER!!!!!!! (warning its kinda long)

THE HAT

Okay i’m gonna be real my mum helped me so much she basically did all the sewing for me. Sewing is the fucking bane of my existence I hate doing it so much so we planned it out together and she basically executed it. Props to her for that she’s so real… She also wrote down what she did!! So i’ll just paste and colour that in for you to read!!

“The black material (seen in the above image) was originally a beanie hat that was picked apart to use as a template…

This was game changing basically. We had experimented with making the hat from scratch but it was far too difficult and we were both too stupid so we just unstitched a pre-existing hat and stole the template. The hat we cut up was one we had lying around for years so i cannot tell you where to get one from, but any beanie that is stitched together will work i guess! So I would recommend finding a hat that fits you snugly and doing the same thing!

…and the wool fabric that was utilised gave the finished product was stiff enough to be structurally sound.

I just got this from my local fabric shop, I would recommend wool over something like felt because it’s super sturdy and I was pulling on my mask a LOT.

Once sewn together, I attached a stiff card facemask to the front to help provide some structure, and to locate where the eye holes should be cut.

I think this picture shows it pretty well, my mum was able to curve the shape of the fabric to fit a pre-existing mask- we got ours from Hobbycraft, just one of those stringed white template masks yknow. We cut off the string, made the eyeholes a little bigger and just stuck it straight on!! I should mention this was pretty much all done with a sewing machine as well!

After that, we made two ears from a paper pattern, stuffed them and put some wire inside to allow them to be positioned, before sewing them onto this headband, which was then sewn into the hat. The bottom of each ear was also stitched to the crown to give it some additional stability and to secure the headband correctly in position (having fitted it on the wearer).

Yeah it was actually less of a mask and more of a headband!! That was what gave it most of the support and meant the ears would stay up, I’m not sure how it would work without it!! The ears were the only part that I could actually help with LMAO i just freehanded a little template, stuffed it, and then put in some modelling wire to make them able to be posed :)

Then it was a lot of hand sewing, and glueing the eyeholes to the mask to create a cohesive look.

AND YEAH that’s pretty much all it was! I also attached some little felt eyelashes to add to it as well. Honestly I could never come up with a step-by-step guide for the process because it was such a trial and error thing (i’d made two test-hats before we even came up with the method) but it was so fun!!

I would 100% recommend if you want the ears to stay UP to stuff them AS MUCH AS U CAN and/or put wire in them!! :) I also made some cute little bows to clip into my wig in the same fabric to make it more cohesive!! I also put a bow (and a bunny tail heheh) on the back of the dress too!!

THE DRESS

Super simple! I just found one online (okay for some reason the link has been taken off of the website, but just look up "overall dress" on google shopping and you will 100% find something super cute)- I made sure to buy the dress first, and then take it to the fabric shop to try and colourmatch the mask fabric as best as I could. Then it was just buying some big ol buttons off eBay and sewing them on!! (I could actually do that bit by myself, I'm bad at sewing but im not THAT bad)

EVERYTHING ELSE

Cute patterned knee-high socks cuz shes cute like that. Leg warmers, I think I got them both off of Amazon... Converse I got from Depop and I had wanted to buy a pair anyway so I was super stoked to get them cheap!! I chose converse over a pair of high-heels or Mary Janes just for comfort reasons, I was walking around loads at the con so... Everything else apart from the shirt was from Amazon or just. Somewhere online(I have no idea where to get fancy white gloves LOL) and the shirt was from Depop as well! I liked how frilly it was, re: Noisette is cute like that!!

oh yeah and the wig. I hate wigs it was awful. I have no idea how to style them. underneath the hat was the most awful bowl cut ever I just. It wasn't my best moment. Dont ask me about wigs please .

Also I should mention I got this bag for the cosplay (which I now use all the time cuz its so cute) because i needed space to store shit and I wanted something on-brand with her cafe... this isnt the exact link I used but I just got it off of ebay :P

PROPS

Unfortunately I don't have a lot of WIP pictures of my props but they were pretty simple to make!! The coffee cup was literally just spraypainting over a reusable coffee cup and using POSCA pen to draw on the front! Fun fact the cup says "To Peppino" because originally my boyfriend was gonna go with me as Peppino before the Cruetly Squad brainrot got to him so. YEA

And the tip jar was also pretty simple, I just painted on the lid a plastic jar (can't be glass, not allowed at ComicCon) and cut out a bit of vinyl to work as the sign. The cobweb was just hot-glued 3D printer filament, and the spider was made with foam modelling clay (literally the best thing ever if you're making small models like that) and i stuck him to the lid of the jar with Kandi string so he'd bounce around :]

AND I THINK THATS IT!! i may as well post a pic of the full cosplay since I dont think many people would have made it this far.... But I think it turned out pretty cool!! I got recognised a few times as well which was amazing!! (cropped out my bf cuz idk if he wants his face on tumblr gfhhfg)

SO YEAH!!!! if anyone has any questions please let me know.. but GOOD LUCK IN UR COSPLAY MAKING FRIENDS!!!! :D

[neocoffeecafe]

9:15 am (m) | home | writing masterlist | fic rec library

includes/warnings somnophilia, pussy play, fem!reader

wc .3k

a/n smth sweet n simple. happy new years loves

the sunshine kisses your flushed cheeks, your mouth agape with your pretty eyelashes casting minuscule shadows.

you remember going to sleep with his arms around yours, holding you in a tight and warm embrace… soft kisses to the side of your face, toothy grins and childish laughter. a pretty state of bliss you lived before shutting your eyes, and having his pretty face be the last thing you see.

your eyes squeeze shut like it’s forcing itself, your legs mindlessly moving, which hilariously knees him in the face. but your sleeping figure doesn’t now it yet. you feel a sticky and wet sensation towards your bottom region, a small ignored sense of fear tingling in the back of your head.

his pretty face was where it always liked to be. right in between your thick thighs, his hands gripping the skin that he could wrap around, gripping the thighs that he’d rest his head on during some cuddle sessions.

his tongue licks a stripe down your folds, his fingers prying you open to give him more of a view. you squirm a little, thinking it was just maybe your bladder telling you that you needed to pee and you weren’t willing to leave your bed. the covers get pulled up to your shoulders, burying your head in the pillow

he only giggles below you, his finger taking a risky extension and slipping into your little hole. he smiles when he hears you hiccup, and your eyes finally open to the cold spot beside you. you throw the covers off and see him between your thighs, his tongue sending shivers down your spine and drawing a long, pretty moan from your lips.

yangyangs fingers take over, and he rests his head on your uneven belly, and fingers giving you the treatment your slick folds deserved.

“morning, princess.”

@neocoffeecafe

[slasheddreams]

CHAPTER ZERO // THE EMERALD MASQUERADE [ broken glass // blood rain ] - The Emerald Masquerade - MURDER MYSTERIES [ broken glass // blood rain ]

This is the original, unaltered story for the Emerald Masquerade. The contents of this story is not for the faint of heart. Read the context warning list very carefully. You've been warned.

content warning for: [ themes of gambling, smoking, and drinking, themes of sexual abuse and assault, themes of violence and exploitation against minors, themes of loss and death, implications of self-harm and disordered eating habits, themes of murder/death, and more. ]

[ read moderator ame's note about the emerald masquerade here please ]

… we live in a world filled with so much blood and regret, and it’s too late to turn back now.

Blood dripped from the edge of the bottle, his crimson blood mixing with the fine, crimson wine. His chest squeezed, his chest ached, and his chest burned. Mangled white hair, stained red with wine, a slumped body on the ground. Unmoving.

Why wasn’t he moving?

Why wasn’t he moving?

                                                            ---

Chloe paused a moment, her fingers gently clasped around the small, golden entrance ticket. The Emerald Gemstone Casino, the world’s largest gambling casino venue, home of the elite and the powerful, a symbol of wealth and power. The golden edges of the casino glowed like heaven in starlight, Chloe thought. What a beautiful White Night it was, the perfect night for the Emerald Casino’s “Emerald Masquerade Ball”.

Tucking a strand of her light brown hair behind her ear, she couldn’t help but marvel at it. The golden fountains, the glistening porcelain tiles, the lovely greenery… everything about this casino screamed grace and elegance.

Gently, she tucked her hand behind her head, a soft hand laying against the golden ornaments in her hair. Pinned to a teal headband, completed with a brown bow and white pearl beads, it was something simple yet, one of a kind. Hand sewn by Chloe herself.

Her gloved hand gently smoothed down the creases in her vest, clearing her throat nervously as she nodded. Rehearsing a greeting in her head, drafting potential responses to potential questions, preparing for the ultimate social death… awkwardness. Oh, how she loathed social contact. She spoke too much, too quickly, always having too much to say but never enough substance to say it with. In short, she was a yapper and she knew it.

A young, attractive blonde man stood by the side of the reception desk, with the most mesmerizing set of purple eyes. A light blush on his cheeks, the most gorgeous set of eyelashes (Chloe wondered what mascara he wore.), and a smile that would melt the ice in even the coldest of hearts.

“Welcome to the Emerald Casino, dear guests. I’ll be your guide for tonight’s masquerade, may I see your tickets?”

The guest in front of Chloe, a young woman in a rather gorgeous pink sweater dress and the loveliest, caramel-colored hair, dug through a small, heart-shaped bag resting on her hip. Chloe watched as she pulled out a small, golden ticket from the bag with an infectious grace. White gloves passed off the ticket to the blonde-haired desk attendant, who responded with a light chuckle. 

Chloe paused, her eyes falling on the beautiful woman’s long hair. A caramel blonde at the top, fading into a rich coffee brown at the bottom, pulled back into an utterly gorgeous French braid. (It was so long, she wondered how long it took the woman to grow it. Was it dyed? Extensions? She was so, so curious.) And the love-struck pink of the woman’s dress? Paired with the comforting material of a knitted sweater, combining fashion with comfort? As an aspiring fashion designer, she respected the creative force behind it. And the eggshell fluffy boa and those pink stockings? Chloe debated asking the lady about the designer, but she didn’t want to come off as a creep.

Shifting on her heels, she peeked over the woman’s shoulder. She was the next in line… and glancing at the reflection in her phone, she was the last to arrive. She wasn’t late… but everyone else invited seemed to have come rather early. (And she thought being fifteen minutes before the start of the party was excessively early.)

Nervous, Chloe took a step up, rubbing the golden ticket between her fingers. She was far, far from home. A little countryside girl in the grand city. She always thought the protagonists from the south, freaking out over the big city was always a little cheesy if she was being honest… but no. The big city was mortifying. She understood it now.

“… you must be Chloe Medena. You’re the last person left on my waiting list.” Holding out his hand, the blonde man smiled warmly. A little too warmly, Chloe felt like a witch melting from its warmth.

“Uhm… y-yeah! That’s me! Ehehe…”

God, you’re so awkward, Chloe. Who laughs like that? Someone who’s lying, that’s who! She wanted to hit herself for being so dumb, but that might only make her look more suspicious for no apparent reason.

“… is this your first time to our fine establishment?”

Raising a brow slightly, the man chuckled, covering his mouth with his white glove. Chloe was sure she looked positively baffled. A rich man’s laughingstock, surely. She couldn’t even manage to say anything, not with a single yapping bone in her body, only manage a small nod. Like an utter fool. Ough, I’m so embarrassed. They’re gonna submit me onto America’s funniest home videos, I’m sure of it!! nooOOOO-

“I see I see…” Gently, he took the tickets from her hands with a soft smile. “I’ve been there too, once a really long time ago. The atmosphere is a step above, and you wonder if you really belong here.”

Placing the ticket down, the blonde man held out his hand towards Chloe, his soft smile feeling like sunlight after a cold night of rain. Something about it felt so soft and homely… she reached out hesitantly, her gloved hand hovering just above the man’s gloved hand. Taking initiative, he reached up, gently clasping his fingers around hers. Then, lifting it to his lips, he planted a firm but light kiss against the back of her hand with a chuckle.

“But you were invited here tonight for a reason, darling. So, I implore you to have a little more faith in yourself.”

She was going to pass out. Okay, no she wasn’t. She was just being dramatic. (I think?) Was her face getting flushed? She must have looked as embarrassed as she felt, surely. The casino certainly has a smooth talker on their hands… haha…

“The ballroom is down the hallway there, through the third door on your left and a right turn around the hallway. Did you catch all that?”

Nodding eagerly, Chloe responded in silence. A little too eager to escape her embarrassment, she stumbled off towards the hallway. Covering her face with her hands, she groaned silently.

“God… why do you have to be so awkward, Chloe? Stupid, stupid, stupid…”

Shaking her head furiously, she attempted to pound the embarrassment out of her head. Of course, not literally. Her therapist always told her that hitting herself wouldn’t solve her problems, and that she didn’t need to “punish” herself to “make up” for her mistakes. These were only words, however. It was up to Chloe to practice it, and to bring meaning of her own. She balled her hands up in frustration, trembling as she resisted the urge to hit herself. A devilish temptation and an easy solution to her self-made problems, she thought. But it wouldn’t really fix anything… would it?

Taking deep breaths, Chloe’s trembling fists slowly unclenched, and then, fully relaxed, laying flat against the deep brown fabric of her dress pants. A weak sigh escaped her lips, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. She was such an embarrassment. She should just go home.

"Grandpa..."

A loving last gift from a man who loved her so dearly. She wasn’t his granddaughter by blood, but she was his granddaughter by choice. He loved her like she was always one of his own, and she loved him equally in turn. He always supported her dream of being a fashion designer, even when she didn’t believe it would ever be viable. She always felt like she was letting him down.

Even now.

“… are you lost?”

A deep voice snapped Chloe out of a memory ditch, a weak sniffle escaping her throat. She felt pathetic. Standing up straight, she lifted her hand, messily trying to wipe the tears from her eyes before they could have the chance to further embarrass her and fall.

“Are you crying?”

Nevermind then. Kill me now, she thought. Her vision blurred slightly, and her eyes ached ever so gently, however, she couldn’t help but hone in on the man’s striking features. His pale skin, adorned with a soft pink blush, that deep, curly purple hair, and those striking, cold red and yellow eyes… sniffling again, Chloe tried to speak, to respond to the odd man. However, her words choked in her throat, a gargled "noOo..." coming out instead. She couldn’t stop the tears from rolling, the hiccups from emerging, the sobs from starting… she felt so pathetic.

The man sighed, a cold "tsk" emerging from the depths of his throat. (It reminded her of her father when she announced for passion for fashion.) Then, reaching into the breast pocket of his dust green suit, he pulled out a small dust purple handkerchief, placing one hand on his knee as he bent down.

“There’s no need to be crying over something so trivial. Everyone gets a little lost sometimes. There’s no embarrassment in it.”

Gently patting the tears dry with his handkerchief, the man shook his head solemnly. Sniffling, Chloe’s fingers gripped onto the edges of her vest, crinkling the once pristine fabric.

“Okay…”

“There. No more tears. You’re going to be okay.”

She felt like a little kid again. She felt so useless. But… the guidance felt nice. A little bit. His hand gently brushed up against her brown bangs, pushing them to the side softly as he wiped the remainder of her tears. Then, reaching for his coat, he reached his hand inside, rummaging around. Why was he doing…?

“… huh?”

Cocking his head to the side slightly, he grumbled as he rummaged around on the inside of the coat, before pulling out a small, travel-sized blush pallet from… nowhere. Did he have an inner coat pocket…?

“Here. Your tears ruined your makeup. You’d at least be able to do minor touch-ups with this.”

“… oh!”

Gasping, she carefully took the travel blush from the man’s hands, popping it open and glancing into the small mirror. Her eyes were slightly red and puffy… not too noticeable, she thought. Her mascara was okay (thank god for waterproof mascara, she believed), but her blush… tear streaks were not a style she wanted to rock.

Gently pulling out of the travel blush applicators, Chloe’s brows furrowed. Finding the closest match would be hard… but she could do it. Grandpa’s love and this stranger’s kindness couldn’t just be ignored… 

“Wait!” Looking up suddenly, Chloe’s eyes fell on the man in front of her, her brows furrowing in frustration at her own rudeness. She was so caught up in her own nonsense that she completely neglected the first rule of etiquette.

“I’m so sorry!! I never asked what your name was, kind sir!”

“… Hyde Williams. You can just call me Hyde though.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mister Hyde! My name is Chloe.”

Holding out a shaky hand, Chloe attempted a friendly smile. Keyword… attempted. If he rejected her… she might unravel and fall apart all over again. Nervously watching as the man shook his head, her hand trembled even more. Please please please please, please. She never craved the validation of a random stranger so badly before.

Reaching his hand out, he gave Chloe a quick but firm handshake. His hand felt rather warm in her gloved hand… she wondered if the entirety of him was just as warm.

“Your makeup, Chloe.”

“… oh yeah! Let me get on that… heheh… heh…”

You have got to stop laughing like that, Chloe.

…

Gently tapping her fingers against her cheek, she observed her face in the small mirror of the pocket palette. You could barely tell she had been crying. Closing the palette gently, Chloe looked up at the purple-haired man, who found himself a comfortable spot against the wall to lean on as the disheveled girl picked up the broken pieces of her dignity. Hyde Williams… it was a name unfamiliar to her, as was everything else in the casino.

He seemed kind enough, though. She wondered if it would be awkward to ask a man who she had met under… rather mortifying terms if he could be her friend. Despite his younger-looking appearance, he carried himself with the wiseness of a saint… or a monk.

"... thank you for your help, Mister Hyde."

"You can just call me Hyde."

Taking a step forward, she held out her hands with a smile, the small pocket palette resting in the center of her palms. Sighing gently, the man took the palette from her expectant hands. Cocking his head to the side as he opened his coat pocket, slipping the pocket palette inside his pocket. Then, holding out his hand to Chloe, he nodded. Hesitantly, she stepped closer, wrapping her arm in his own. 

"I'll take you to the main ballroom. The masquerade ball is going to start soon, you shouldn't miss the opening to the dance."

...

A man stood on the large, grandiose stage, laced with gemstones and gold. Dressed in a soft red suit top and pristine pearl pants, the man chatted with the emerald-suited man from the entrance. All smiles. Chloe's neck craned slightly as she looked around. The room was huge, much bigger than she ever imagined. 

Her hands fidgeted slightly as she looked around the room. There was a bar on one side, a tall pink-haired man and a shorter, blonde-haired girl chatted on the other side of the bar, the girl holding a bar glass with a confused expression. If Chloe had to garner a guess, bartender and... maybe a bartender in training. Her eyes shifted, to two giant casino tables with two distinctive people standing by their sides, thick black hair curling against their shoulders. Dealers... Chloe found it all so interesting.

Being such a regal and classy place... it felt surreal to her, something only possible in your dreams. Reaching out slightly, her fingers entwined along the satin green fabric sleeves of Hyde's suit. His red eyes fell on the young girl standing beside him. Sighing slightly, his eyes shifted to the side.

"Ahem…” The man on the stage cleared his throat and like a king in the castle court, everyone turned their head to face the tall, elegant red-suited man. “Thank you everyone for coming to the annual Emerald Gemstone Casino Masquerade night. Tonight is a special night for everyone here, is it not? Filled with regulars…”

During the pause, the blonde attendant waved to the people in the crowd, and Chloe couldn’t help but look at the people waving back. A fair-skinned, pink-haired woman in a short, love-colored dress… something about Hyde’s side glance gave her an odd feeling… animosity, but she wasn’t sure why. A blonde-haired woman with longer, choppy hair in the back and a lilac blue suit also waved back with a smile, elbowing a young, brown-haired man sitting beside her. A dusted blue-haired male sitting at the bar glanced up, nodding slightly as he raised a hand in salute. His yellow eyes were almost captivating to Chloe, something so unique and so… decisive and striking.

“Filled with new guests…”

This time, the man in the red suit clapped his hands gently, waving to additional folks in the crowd. A blonde-haired woman wearing a boa, wearing a fancy red dress waved hesitantly back. It looked like satin, Chloe believed. The caramel woman with the heart-shaped pocket bag also waved with hesitance. A scruffy-looking man, sitting next to the woman in the pink dress that her new companion seemingly showed for earlier raised a glass in… was it salute? The countryside was never this uptight about etiquette… it made her shudder.

“New staff working the masquerade… and lively they are.”

As if on cue, the girl at the bar counter waved towards the men on stage, the pink haired man belting out a hardly laugh in response. The girl seemed nice… Chloe enjoyed her energy. She should visit the bar later on tonight. (Maybe she could buy Mister Hyde a drink or snack as a thank you gift for helping her earlier?)

“This masquerade ball is made up of different, unique faces, all here tonight. It’s very exciting, the chance for once-in-a-lifetime memories to be made. Saae, would you mind doing the honors?” Chuckling, the man in the red placed his hands on the golden microphone, scooping it into black-gloved hands. Then, handing it off to his attendant, the blonde-haired man smiled. Tucking a piece of his blonde hair behind his ear, the man cleared his throat briefly before bringing the microphone to his lips.

“Welcome to the Emerald Gemstone Casino’s yearly event, the Emerald Masquerade, dear guests! This is your host for the evening, Frederick Kronos, and I am your co-host, Saae Avente.”

His voice sounded like what you’d imagine a thick but velvety honey would taste like. Rich and choked full of a sweet, distinctive flavor, the kind that coats your lips and leaves a deep impression on your mind for days to come. That thought was… actually extremely weird, she thought as she reflected on it. 

“Slots, drinks, games, and more… this golden hour is your opportunity, and we’re here to bring your wildest fantasies into a reality. But, the two of us could not do it alone.”

Watching as the emerald attendant, named Saae Avente, stepped off of the stage, Chloe couldn’t help but fully note Saae’s attire. The tall white sharp heels he strutted around the casino grounds in, with a degree of balance that made Chloe just the slightest bit jealous (for she was positive if she wore the same exact heels, she would fall and bruise much more than her already sullied pride.) The split paneling on his suit in general was something Chloe had never seen before, it intrigued her so dearly. (She wondered how it was achieved, such suits didn’t exist in the fashion world in its current era. Did he make them himself, tearing through the seams of different fabrics and stitching them into the current fashion he wore? She would have to ask him later. It was possibly the prettiest thing she had seen in a while.) But the thing that caught her eye the most was the peacock feather-themed trail, something hidden from behind the counter he had stood behind since she arrived. They floated behind him with an airy elegance, and Chloe almost wondered if they were really there. 

“If you’re looking to play games tonight-” Saae placed his free gloved hand lightly against the casino round tables, leaning over as he chuckled. “-then our two most trusted dealers will be here to make your wildest dreams come true. To my right is Lady Roxanne Tiye , our jack of diamonds and new dealer for the evening, and to my left is our betting round dealer for our masquerade events, Lee Wittlestein. Don’t be afraid to come pester them for a game, they won’t bite.”

As if it were on cue, the two dealers lifted up their heads, waving into the small crowd of onlookers. One of them, Roxanne (as Saae had introduced her as), was a bored looking lady, Chloe noted. With thick, long black hair and a visible yellow eye, Roxanne looked… she didn’t want to say displeased nor discontent, but she noticed that Roxanne didn’t seem as thrilled as some of the others. Chloe’s gaze shifted slightly to the figure standing to Saae’s left side. Standing tall and composed, they exuded an aura of calmness, as if this were just an average friday evening for them. Similar to Roxanne, Lee’s hair was long and black in color, worn in a high ponytail, a red eye poking out of beneath messy bangs. Chloe couldn’t gain a solid read of Lee’s gender, even with the aid of the black vest and frilled white and red shirt they wore. She would have to ask them about their pronouns later on. (Their style reminded Chloe of a vampire… or something a little more specific… the words “betting round” echoed in her head. Betting round… betting… nope. Whatever thought she had, she lost it. Oh well.)

“Uhh… we’re happy to be your dealers tonight?” A white hand reached over, tilting the outstretched microphone to the left. “We’re both delighted to make your acquaintances this evening, and hope to see you guys at one of our tables later in the evenings for a friendly game. Saae.” (... their voice only left Chloe more confused. I’ll just narrate with they/them in mind, I literally cannot tell.) Taking back the microphone with a snicker, he shifted slightly as he stood up tall. Then, making his way over to the bar, Saae hummed.

“And, if drinks are the thing you need-” Leaning over the bar counter briefly, he sat on the empty bar stool, wrapping an arm around the blue-haired man with striking yellow eyes. “-Well, some of our guests have already found their way to the bar, it seems~” Another velvety chuckle, and Chloe swore the blue-haired man waved his hand dismissively. (She also swore said man was smiling.)

“Our bartenders for the night are more than happy to mix you the perfect drinks. Isn’t that right, Elliott?” The tall pink-haired man, named Elliott, chuckled as he crossed his arms, puffing his chest with an enthusiastic nod. “You know we make the best drinks this side of town, Saae.” Saae chuckled softly, and then leaning over the microphone, he smiled. “Do you have any drink suggestions for our new patrons, CJ?”

Turning around, the blonde-haired girl gasped slightly, then, walking over, she leaned close to the microphone with a smile. She hadn’t even spoken, but her energy was contagious. “Well, I know Elliott makes a mean strawberry mojito drink, and he always slices the fresh strawberries to per-fection! If you want something iconic but tasty, that’s what I would go with!” Leaning into the mic, Elliott pitched in. “And, while you’re here, why not pick up one of CJ’s iconic amaretto tiramisu cakes to eat with your drink? Soft, fluffy and a delicious snack to enjoy through the night.” “Hey… well, I can make a mean drink and a mean dessert myself, I suppose.” “Of course you can, your menu items are my favorites.”

They had such good energy together… the banter was cute and endearing, and the food sounded absolutely delightful.

“You’ve heard it firsthand, my dear guests. So, make sure to visit our two bartenders later on for a sweet drink… or a sweet treat.” Spinning in the chair, he jumped onto his feet, landing with such precision that she couldn’t help but believe he practiced such a stunt. (If it were her, her ankles would have certainly been a goner.)

“So, everyone…” He took a slow walk around the room, placing a hand on the pink-haired woman’s shoulder, earning a giggle from her. “Welcome to the Emerald Gemstone Casino.” His fingers lightly ran along the shoulders of the brown haired woman timidly sipping on a lime margarita, his fingers trailing along the underside of the blue haired man’s wing shaped earrings, a small fist bump with the young bartender (Was her name CJ?) breaking the oddly intimate(? Chloe wasn’t sure if that was the right word for that.) sensation. “Slots, drinks, games…”

He ran his hands around the casino tables, lightly squeezing the shoulders of the two dealers sat nearby, a gentle hand on the shoulders of the blonde-haired woman and the brown-haired man already planning a game with the smug-looking scruffy man and a grey-haired man, fiddling with a pair of golden plated die.

“This golden hour is your opportunity to live your lives a step above.”  His fingers gently brushed against the locks of the hair of the woman with the heart-shaped purse as he passed by, his touch lingering lightly against the fuzz of the dusted pink fur of the blonde woman’s boa.  “I invite you all to come and have a dance underneath our emerald-encrusted lights. Have a dance, play games, have drinks with companions, and ultimately…”

He came to a stop in front of Chloe and Hyde, his hand held up, hovering lightly against Hyde’s lips. Chloe glanced up at Hyde briefly, a look present on his face that she couldn’t decipher, yet, extremely evident with discomfort. Her eyes shifted on Saae, an equally indecipherable look present on his face. Secrets locked behind a teasing smile.  “... I hope these next few hours will be as blinding as your wildest dreams.” His eyes shifted slightly, his hand lowering as his eyes met Chloe’s. Leaning down slightly, he moved the microphone away from him, a solemn yet… joyful expression on his face.

“Your grandfather would be very proud of you, Chloe. I hope you enjoy the ball and find that inspiration you’re so desperately looking for.”

Nervously, her eyes fell on the clock.

It was 9:00 PM.

                                                            ---

“That was the perfect introduction to start off the Emerald Masquerade event yet, Saae.”

Placing a hand on Saae’s back gently, Frederick smiled softly. Laughing heartily, Saae gently tapped his wine bottle against the wine bottle Frederick held. Relaxing in the back, as they always do after a masquerade introduction.

“I think having CJ and Roxanne on the team this year did wonders for the public morale to be honest. CJ and Elliott bring a contagious yet light and fun atmosphere, while Roxanne gives Lee the breaks and assistance they need. Even if Rox isn’t the best on the morale, she plays with the love of the game… most of the time.”

Lifting the wine bottle, Saae took a swing of the wine inside, a soft crimson liquid dripping off his lips. Chuckling, Frederick held his wine glass in his hands lightly, white curled hair shifting in and out of his vision.

“We’ve also managed to sell more of those… special packages this masquerade. We’ve made an additional 1500 dollars this year.”

Saae’s face dropped, his eyes frozen on the wine bottle. He could see the back of Frederick’s curly, combed-back white hair in the reflection on the glass, an eerie apathy in his demeanor. He was tired of special packages.

“W… What?”

His words came out breathless, a slight tremble seemingly left unnoticed by the man in the room. His hands trembled slightly as he lowered the bottle, sweat dripping down his face. He felt so clammy.

“... Two of our new guests bought your package deals, the 500-dollar ones, as well as our regular deal buyer. Did Elliott not tell you?”

“No. No, he didn’t fucking tell me. Maybe he did. I wasn’t fucking listening because you know I hate-” Putting up a hand, he cut Saae off. How dare you. “I know. Headquarters denied your request, you’re such a major source of income for the casino it would be catastrophic if we lost it. I’m sorry my hands were tied here.”

His chest ached slightly, a tightness in his chest preventing air from entering his lungs. His hand ached from how tightly he held onto the wine bottle, like it was the only lifeline tethering him to a cold dull reality. 

“You’re sorry? You’re SORRY? Frederick, you do realize they touched me even-” “Even when you asked them to stop, I know. And they didn’t stop. They took advantage of you. I know. You’ve told me these stories time and time again, Saae.”

Placing his glass down, Frederick paused nervously. Clasping his hands together, he moved towards Saae slowly. His open hand twitched, his fingers pulling at his skin. A small groan escaped his lips, annoyance dripping from his lips like blood in a river.

“Do you even care? I mean, augh… this isn’t even about me at this point, Frederick. I mean, what if it was someone else-” Pinching his fingers against the bridge of his nose, his eyes squeezing shut shakily. His hands trembled slightly, his chest ached, the shadows of hands reaching out materializing in his mind. “Frederick, please. Just hear me out for once-”  “I don’t have the power to make it stop, Saae. You know that. I can try to put an end to that system, but in the end, I’m just as replaceable as everyone else in this casino-”

His vision blurred, the red and white of Frederick mixing, blurring into nothingness. He felt like a little boy all over again. There was a man, born from the darkest fragments of his frazzled mind, a smug smile on his face. Closing on him like a predator on prey. He felt a slight pressure on his chest, the feeling of ghost-like fingerprints against his chest.

“It’s just so hopeless, day after day after day, and you just don’t fucking CARE-” "Saae."

A slight squeezing, a pressure on his wrists. Saae remembered that night well, it was something that always replayed it on the worst of nights. He remembered crying, pleading with the odd man to stop. His neck ached, the ghostly imprint of teeth burning up against his collar. His fingers scratched absentmindedly against the flaring skin.

“Do you know what it’s like to feel like a piece of meat on a hook, Frederick? To be something less than human.” "Saae... please."

The bottle shifted in his hand. The alcohol in his system, (although not much)  perhaps it had clouded his judgment in an emotional high. His emotions burned a hole in his chest, a blinding aching in his brain. 

“He took advantage of you, I get it-” “NO YOU DON’T! You don’t understand! You’ll never understand it! Fuck, I don’t want you to understand it!”

… His body felt so far away, like something foreign. Watching a movie from an outside perspective, almost. He didn’t remember moving so much. He didn’t remember flipping the bottle in his hand, still filled to the brim with rich crimson wine, so much so it was rather heavy in his hand. His chest ached, his breaths came out as weak wheezes. His eyes blurred, refusing to focus on anything. He blinked slowly. The bottle felt so light now, he wasn’t sure why.

“... I just…”

Black eyes shifted, falling on the blurred bottle. His breath quickened, yet his chest still felt so tight. Lifting it slightly, there was only broken, jagged glass connected to the handle of the bottle. The rest of the glass was missing. The fine crimson wine was gone. 

“... I just wanted you to listen to me so it wouldn’t happen again...”

Tears welled up in his eyes, and he raised a clammy hand in response, wiping the tears from his eyes. A few tears slowly dipped down his face, staining the makeup he wore. He stared at the ground, a blur of colors shaking, and slowly shaping into a scene he only recalled seeing in his nightmares.

Blood dripped from the edge of the bottle, his crimson blood mixing with the fine, crimson wine. His chest squeezed, his chest ached, and his chest burned. Mangled white hair, stained red with wine, a slumped body on the ground. Unmoving.

... I don’t get it.

Frederick wasn’t moving. He wasn’t breathing. He lay still in a puddle of blood and wine. Saae bent down, trembling hands reaching out.

I always dreamed of harming my abusers. 

His hands felt oddly cold. He was always known for being really warm and friendly. Warm and caring, that was who Frederick was. He wasn’t perfect though. 

I wanted to hurt them the same way they hurt me. 

Saae’s fingers brushed through his hair, a mess of wine-stained white curls. His eyes watered slightly. Pulse… pulse… where was he supposed to check for that again…? His mind, racing with thoughts moments ago, was left eerily blank.

I thought it would help me cope. 

His fingers felt so shaky and clammy. He didn’t think he could get a recent reading of Frederick’s pulse, even if he could remember where to check for it at. It wasn’t his fault headquarters was such a demanding piece of shit.

I thought it would help me feel better.

They didn’t care about him. They only cared about profit. As long as people paid good money to touch him, kiss him, get him drunk, to “love” him, to have their way… it didn’t matter. In their eyes, he was nothing more than numbers. A toy to line their pockets.

But it doesn’t. 

And somehow, it was his fault when the words “no” would go unnoticed, when it was convenient. Frederick didn’t ignore his cries for help… he just couldn’t make a choice when it really mattered to Saae. And now he’ll never make another choice, ever again. His eyes fell on the clock.

I just feel regret.

It was 11:20 PM.

                                                         ---

Sitting down at an empty section of the bar, Chloe placed her hands on her lap lightly. Something about Hyde’s expression… bothered her. Even after the masquerade events started up and most of the awkwardness died down, she couldn’t help but wonder…

“Are you alright?”

“Huh?”

Chloe fiddled with her hands nervously, looking up at Hyde. Her brows furrowed in frustration. Her eyes focused on the uneaten tiramisu and the strawberry mojito drink lying on the table. Well, it wasn’t uneaten per se… she had seen him take a bite. And then, he excused himself from the bar for a while, coming back a little paler.

“Are you okay? You seem sad.”

“...”

Shifting in his seat, he leaned on his hands, a complex expression on his face.

“You remind me of my kids is all.”

“You have kids? I’m sorry, how old are you-” Gasping slightly, Chloe slammed her hands over her mouth. That was so rude, Chloe! “- I am SO sorry I didn’t mean it like that you just look so young and-”

Sighing softly, Hyde picked up the fork weakly. Staring blankly at the tiramisu, his brows furrowed in frustration.

“I’m 37 years old. I turn 38 in a week, though. My youngest, Emily, is 10 years old, she overthinks everything just like you do.”

Lowering her hands slightly, her eyes sparkling slightly. A kid, huh…? Reaching out, he gently pushed her messy brown bangs to the side. A weak smile on his face. She felt a little bad for asking.

“But, she’s a really sweet kid. Always brought me food when she thought I needed to eat-” He pointed at the mostly uneaten tiramisu she had ordered for him. “Or asking me if I’m okay.” … was she really that similar to a 10-year-old-

“Oh.”

Rubbing her head in embarrassment, Chloe pouted. However, the pouting only seemed to make Hyde laugh more. A hearty yet genuine smile… Chloe would let it slide. (She says, as if she had any plans of “taking care of it.” to begin with.) Leaning against her hands, her feet swung back and forth on her stool.

“Thank you for the worry, but, really. I’m fine. By the way, how old are you? Since you asked me earlier.”

“Oh! I’m 23 years old!” Placing a finger on her chin, she nodded slowly. “You said your birthday was next week. What day is it?” Curious, she tilted her head, clasping her hands together with stars in her eyes.

“... it’s June 23rd.”

Shifting on his arms, he poked aimlessly at the tiramisu with a frown. Lifting his fork, he mumbled to himself, words left unheard. Then, pushing the edge of the container with the edge of his fork towards Chloe, Hyde shook his head.

“I’m… not hungry. You can have it.”

… Chloe felt herself sigh. She wasn’t sure why. Hesitantly, she took the tiramisu in her hands. What did they say was in it again…? She forgot. Not that she wasn’t listening, of course. In fact, Chloe felt she was listening… a little too much.

“Pfft… look at him, pussy footing around good food. It wouldn’t kill him to put on a few more pounds.” “I don’t know, Marianne. I saw him in the bathroom earlier, gross sounds, I’m telling you, the poor smuck looked paler than a starving girl on a Sunday morning.” “Oh, I bet he couldn’t even eat the shitty wine and crackers they give out on Sunday mornings.” “Oh, he’s probably too sensitive to handle it. I bet a burger would send his ass into the 5th dimension.”

Chloe felt a little sick. Her eyes shifted slightly, glancing over at Hyde. He had his hands clasped over his mouth, looking paler than ever. He looked like he was trying not to cry. Chloe felt more sick.

“Can your arteries handle the grease, Dynasty? With all the junk you spew from your hole, I’m surprised you haven’t choked on the sheer audacity yet.”

... huh?

“I bet a burger would send you into cardiac arrest, and your mommy can’t pay your way out of that one. Mind your business, jackass.”

Looking up fully, Chloe turned. A tall woman walked past the gossiping duo without much more than a ounce of attention. In fact, the woman barely looked back. Her heels clicked against the floor as she made her way towards the bar. 

Yelping slightly as the woman suddenly reached out, Chloe swayed slightly. Running her hand around Chloe’s shoulder, she came to a stop suddenly, lilac eyes boring into her soul. Glupping nervously, she tugged at her collar nervously. Did she fuck up by eavesdropping? Oh, she might have fucked up. Mama also told her that it was bad etiquette to eavesdrop on things that didn’t concern you but-

“Your foul mouth is going to get you into trouble one of these days, Hermione.”

“Words have consequences. You know that lesson the best. Who’s the kid?”

Tapping Chloe on the nose lightly, Chloe squeaked. Ignoring the strange looks from the woman and Hyde, she reached from her sparkling water to divert from the embarrassment she felt. Talk about drowning in a cringe-filled sea, I mean, really-? Squeaking? What are you! A squirrel??? Damnit Chloe!

“... she’s not a kid-?” “You’re almost 40 years old, Hyde.” “You’re almost 40 years old, Hyde.”

… well, she wasn’t a kid. She was 23 years old! But… compared to Hyde (who was turning 38 in a week), she was still rather young… and 15 years did make a large difference. (At least, all those scientific studies in brain and lifetime development lead her to believe so. However, she was no scientist.) They certainly were in different life chapters. But, she was no kid! … I think.

“My name is Chloe! Chloe Medena!” 

Clapping her hands together in joy didn’t quite help her argument, did it? In fact, Hyde almost seemed appalled by the motion. “Really?” seemed to be written all over his face. However, for her efforts, the odd woman returned the gesture with… a headpat. Wow… she really DID feel like a kid all over again. (But, in a good way this time.)

“My name is Hermione Wesker. You can just call me Hermione, though.”

Hermione, despite her sharp tongue and intimidating aura, wasn’t all too bad, Chloe decided. Mama always said never to judge a book by its cover, no matter if it was worn down or encrusted in jewelry and glamour. It was the inside that always mattered. Mama was right about that, but, it was hard not to judge a book by its cover when she felt the book would try to bite her head off if she looked at it wrong.

“So, you guys met in a widower support group…?”

This book just so happened to have Chloe captivated.

“It brings back memories. Some good, some bad… most of them are painful, though. I lost my husband of six years when I met Hyde, but…”

Hyde’s hands laid on the table softly, a gentle expression on his face. His eyes stared down at the wooden grooves on the table, a soft frown on his face. Just like that, he looked like he was going to cry all over again. Chloe couldn’t help but scoot closer, reaching her own hand out. Gently, placing it on top of his own, she leaned her head against his shoulder.

“... I lost my wife to a battle with cancer three years ago. We were together for fifteen years and married for twelve years.” “Oh… I’m so sorry Hyde…”

Lowering his head more, he laughed weakly. Gently lowering his head against the wood of the table, a weak sob escaping his throat. The pain of loss… never fully goes away, does it? The idea scared Chloe a little. She wondered if she’d ever fully heal from Grandpa’s passing, or if she’d be sad over it forever. She wanted to hug him. (She wondered if it would be overstepping.)

She glanced over at the clock. It was 12:10 AM. She didn’t even realize how time flew by. Her eyes shifted again, falling on her drink. She bit her lip. What an… awkward moment to have to use the bathroom. She looked back at Hermione, eyes wide in panic as she swung her legs anxiously.

“... drank too much at the bar, kid?”

She nodded eagerly, a slight pout on her face. I’m sorry! I didn’t see my night going like this, I’m not trying to escape this situation, I sWEAR. Please believe me :(

There was a chuckle as Hermione stood up, placing one hand on Hyde’s shoulder as she leaned over. Getting a glimpse at his face as she lifted it up just enough to free her hands… it made Chloe sad. Sorrow weighed heavy on his features, and even half asleep, pain stained his features, the loss of life etched on his weary body like a curse.

“Thank you…”  She felt like she had to mouth it, but she didn’t want her thanks to go unheard.

Getting up, Chloe clamped her hands together nervously. Suddenly, one shining, glaring issue presented itself… where WAS the bathroom? She didn’t remember if the attendant (Saae? Sae? Say????) mentioned it… her eyes darted from side to side as she walked up the bar nervously. The young bartender (CJ) skipped over, holding a pair of metal cups in her hands with a smile.

“Hi Chloe! What can I get you this time?”

“Uhm, actually… I was wondering if you could point me in the direction of the restroom?”

Why did she sound like a young Victorian girl? You’re in the twenty-first century, Chloe, not the seventeen hundreds. What’s next? Asking “Mister Potter” for just a singular crumb to eat? You don’t even know a “Mister Potter”, Chloe!

“Of course, it’s-! Wait, actually, I don’t know where the closest bathroom is.”

“... oh!”

Turning to her right, CJ reached up, tapping Elliott on the shoulder with a wide-eyed stare.

“El. Where are the bathrooms at?”

“Huh? They’re upstairs, why? Did you need to take a break and go?”

Pointing at Chloe (who squeaked in embarrassment. again.), CJ laughed nervously.

“Well, Chloe has to go, but now that you said something… I kind of do too.”

Pausing a moment, Elliott nodded. Holding up a finger, he turned and walked down the bar, moving over to where Saae had been sitting. She watched as he leaned over, whispering to him. There was a nod, as then, Elliott made a motion to CJ, who walked over to the edge of the bar. Opening the gate, Saae walked into the bar, while the two bartenders walked out. Oh, swapping places.

“Come on Chloe! I’ll lead the way.”

Following Elliott and CJ up the stairs, Chloe glanced over at the clock. 

It was 12:15 AM.

Walking up the stairs, she fiddled with her hands, glancing around. Stopping at the top, she glanced over at the event coordinator silently. He had been standing there, leaning against the golden railing, his phone up against his ear. She didn’t remember when he came back to the party, but he had been up here the entire time… she found it odd. Everyone else was enjoying the masquerade, even the co-host, Saae. Yet…

He hadn’t moved an inch.

Glancing at the man as she walked, she could feel her mind wandering again. As she followed Elliott and CJ down the hallway, she wondered, what was he-

Click!

With a slight stumble, Chloe tripped over… something, bumping into CJ. Yelping, CJ stumbled in turn, both of the girls ending up dizzy on the floor. Groaning, Chloe squinted her eyes. She had tripped over… something. But, she couldn’t see what that something was.

BANG!

The sound of a loud gunshot tore through the air suddenly, a sound equally jarring and menacing against Chloe’s ears. Her hands trembled as they shot up to cover her ears, her eyes squeezing shut in panic. There was a muffled thud! that followed, and shortly after… screaming. Lot of it.

“Huh-?!”

Watching- well, not really watching, her eyes were still closed shut from terror- listening to CJ stand up, Chloe yelped as she felt CJ’s hands on her shoulders (well, she assumed it was CJ?), pulling her up off of the ground, and into the bathroom behind them. Her heart raced, and she swore she could hear her heartbeat in her fingertips. Cracking her eyes open hesitantly, the bright lighting of the bathroom flooded her vision, stinging her eyes slightly. The sudden shift brought tears to her eyes.

“... it was only one shot?”

Chloe wasn’t positive in herself, after all, so much of her energy was spent in an attempt to make sure she didn’t shatter underneath the fear she was feeling. However, looking back, CJ nodded in agreement. One shot. It sounded like it came from the second floor, the floor they’re on right now… yet Chloe never hear anyone running.

How odd.

Hestiantly, Chloe popped her head, peering into the hallway. Nothing unusual… I think. Gunshots aside, Chloe really couldn’t wait any longer.

…

Linked arm in arm with CJ, a grizzly sight greeted the girls’ eyes. At the bottom of the ballroom floor underneath where the railing he had been standing on since the ball started was the mangled corpse of Frederick Kronos. Grimacing, she covered her mouth. She had just left the bathroom… yet she felt like she was going to be sick.

“Oh goodness me!”

Running over to Chloe, Hermione grabbed the girl by the shoulders, frantically checking her over before letting out a worried sigh. After letting go of her, she crossed her arms with a shake of her head.

“Way to go and leave at the worst time… Are you two okay?”

Reaching out, her fingers briefly ran over CJ as well, a glint of concern in her eyes. CJ nodded hesitantly, however… Chloe’s eyes began to wander. The entire masquerade party was in shambles.

Her eyes shifted to the body of Frederick. It wasn’t that long ago when… they all saw him alive. She felt like she was going to be sick. 

Bending down next to the corpse, a ponytail of long black hair obscured most of her view of the body. Never had Chloe been so thankful for a bad angle before. Red gloves moved around the body, pulling the coat open to reveal a single gunshot wound, directly positioned in his heart. Chloe couldn’t see much else, but she imagined his blood blossomed in the white silk fabric, like a stain. A disease.

She looked at the gaming tables. Roxanne seemed to try and calm the players of the game. Judging from the blonde woman’s reaction, it wasn’t working. The man with the angel wing earrings was also over there. He looked like he was talking to the man with the brown hair.

Her eyes shifted to the bar, which was all but empty… of course, to no surprise, she thought. The bartenders weren’t there, Hermione was over here, those bad mouthing bar guests were observing the body with Lee. The only two people that weren’t elsewhere was…

He sat calmly by Hyde’s side, Chloe thought. A hand on his back, hunched over, whispering to him. Perhaps calming him. Although, she noticed he didn’t seem too conscious at the moment. His mannerisms… he looked confused.

Her eyes trailed back to the body. His lifeless eyes looked at Chloe, a haunting last image. His lips were pale, they were almost blue in color. Like the life was sucked out of him. She squeezed her eyes shut, clinging onto Hermione like her own life depended on it. Maybe it did.

“Is boss…”

CJ’s voice cracked, and Chloe could hear the terror in her voice. An eerie silence followed, she could hear the sounds of CJ trying to hold back tears. 

“Come on… you two should sit down… a lot has happened…”

Hermione held onto the two girls, slowly moving them away from the body. Chloe didn’t know where they were going. She was too scared to open her eyes. She wasnted to say something.

But all she chould choke out were weak cries of terror.

…

“Are you ladies okay?”

Chloe sniffled as she sat down at the bar, trying furiously to wipe away her tears. It only proved to be futile in the end. She wished she were stronger in times of tragedy.

CJ looked roughly just as deshevled as Chloe herself, and she felt a tad bit guilty for being glad she wasn’t the only hot mess there. It was okay to be a hot mess though… there was a literal corpse in the room with them. They remembered Frederick, smiling so brightly just hours prior.

All that was left of him was a cold, clammy corpse.

“It’s okay… My name is Nuxi. I’m a retired police officer, I’ll just be asking you two a few questions about what happened while you were gone, okay?”

She nodded in silence. She wasn’t sure why she didn’t want to speak. She wasn’t guilty, she didn’t kill him. But, everyone always said that silence speaks volumes. Maybe she was worried if she spoke, she’d only start sobbing all over again. CJ seemed to feel the same.

The angel earring’d man pulled up an empty bar stool, sitting across from the two girls. Opening up his coat pocket, he retrieved a small pen and notepad. Then, looking at Chloe, he sighed.

“If you don’t think you can talk, don’t try and force yourself to. You both can simply nod yes or no to my questions, okay?”

They nodded silently. Sniffles occasionally broke the silence.

“Alright… around 12:15 AM, you two alongside bartender Elliott went upstairs, correct?”

Chloe nodded slowly, rubbing her eyes tiredly. 

“We were going to the bathroom… but when I- I got up there, I tripped over something and-” She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, her hands trembling. “I fell. I fell and I knocked over CJ. I was looking for whatever it was I tripped over and-” “That’s when we heard it. The gunshot.”

Nuxi was quiet, yet, he seemed attentive, noting down each part of their story. Even as they struggled to get the words out. Even as terror gripped their voices. 

“So we- we hid out in the girls' bathroom… and eventually, we came down and that’s when we-” A sob cut CJ off, burying her face in her hands as she sobbed weakly. She sobbed, and she sobbed… and she sobbed. That was when they came across that grizzly sight. That corpse.

Why did this happen?

Nodding slowly, he placed his hand on his chin slowly, his brows furrowed in contemplation. Chloe could tell, something about the story bothered him. She wasn’t sure what. She was too scared to ask.

“Did either of you happen to catch what time it was when you heard the gunshot go off?”

Pausing slowly, Chloe scratched her chin. The time…? She wasn’t sure, she didn’t remember seeing a clock while upstairs. Or, well, she wasn’t looking for one, at least. She shook her head no. CJ answered the same. Nodding slowly, Nuxi wrote… something down in his notebook.

“You said you tripped over something, Chloe?”

“Uhm… yeah. But, I couldn’t see what it was. And, then the gunshot went off and, I got so scared I couldn’t move. CJ dragged me into the bathroom, assuming the person with the gun was upstairs with us. But, we never heard anyone run from upstairs, since we were really close to the stairs.”

Nodding again, Nuxi mumbled something to himself quietly, his brows furrowed again. Then, closing his notebook, he looked up with a soft expression. 

“Thank you, you two. I have to go question Elliott… have either of you seen him?”

Shaking her head no, Chloe frowned. So caught up, she didn’t see where he went. By the time she had come back to reality, she only saw CJ. She had no idea where Elliott had gone to. 

CJ paused, rubbing her head in confusion. Her brows furrowed, her tongue sticking out as if she were searching the depths of her memories for something.

“If I had to guess, El went to… probably the employee break room that’s nearby the bathrooms. He kept yawning so… maybe he went to get a cup of coffee while we were in the bathroom?”

The break room… interesting. Chloe noted it in her head. Coffee… coffee sounded nice right about now. She was never too big on alcohol anyway.

“Right. Thank you, CJ.”

Nodding slowly, Nuxi placed a hand on his chin. Then, turning away Chloe and CJ, he leaned over. His voice lowered to something, barely above a whisper. Hunching over, he mumbled something she couldn’t catch. Chloe tilted her head slightly. 

Shifting in her chair, her brows furrowed. Her eyes fell on the corpse in the middle of the room. Her eyes watered slightly, she couldn’t help it. Her hands shook slightly as she buried her head in her hands. She was so scared, she couldn’t help it. 

Her brows furrowed. She remembered his words when the ball started, they echoed in her head. They were so nice and comforting in the moment, but now… they’re nothing but ironic last words. (Or well, not maybe his last words but… the last words Chloe ever heard.)

“Thank you everyone for coming to the annual Emerald Gemstone Casino Masquerade night. Tonight is a special night for everyone here, is it not? Filled with regular, new guests, and new staff working the masquerade (and lively they are.) This masquerade ball is made up of different, unique faces, all here tonight. It’s very exciting, the chance for once-in-a-lifetime memories to be made.”

Memories… memories certainly were made, Chloe thought. However, memories that weren’t… all too pleasant. Not all memories were good, not all memories were pleasant. Closing her eyes softly, she sighed. Covering her face, she couldn’t help but want to cry. She felt so overwhelmed. She wondered if it was over, or if this was just the beginning of a long, long line of tragedy.

...

Welcome to the Emerald Gemstone Casino Masquerade. Slots, drinks and games, this golden hour is your opportunity. 

Come and dance under emerald skies, let these last hours of your life be as blinding as your wildest dreams.

... she wanted to go home.

[ CHAPTER ZERO COMPLETE. CHAPTER ONE COMING SOON? ] [ 1/?? DEATH FILES UNLOCKED ]

[immren]

everything under accessories and accents pls :3

bling: What jewelry does your OC wear? Does it have any meaning?

i'm really bad about including all of his jewelry in the art i make of him, but he has a lot of piercings on his ears! these specifically were gifts from gortash and it's his way of having some kind of mark on immren like the freak he is.

he also has a lolth amulet given to him by his adoptive mother. he used to wear it often, but instead now keeps it safe in a tiny locked jewelry chest in bhaal's temple lol

he makes his own jewelry with little trinkets + material he finds! or takes jewelry off people he murders to take it apart and make his own.

modern au.. he has so many piercings... not just on his ears, but like his face, torso, .. balls. also makes a lot of his own necklaces but usually thrifts them as long as they go with his goth-y outfits

hair: How does your OC wear their hair? Does it have some kind of meaning?

he keeps his hair down and doesn't do anything special with it. 😔 however, despite his lack of care towards his appearance, he does make an effort to keep it clean and brushed at least. picks the gore out of his hair.

modern au he also usually keeps it down, but he has a really extensive hair routine. he's more likely to put cute little braids in it or put his hair up than he would in canon LOL

makeup: Does your OC wear makeup? How often? What kind? Why do they wear makeup, and do they like it?

yes! he puts eyeliner around his eyes and smears it. he believes it makes his eyes stand out more - the last thing he wants his victims to see. he wears it every day

modern au, his everyday makeup is the same thing but he wears bottom false eyelashes (i think abt that iconic shelley duvall picture as inspo for this). he wears more makeup if he's going to a music show or going on a date with his 2 bfs

favorite: Does your OC have a favorite article of clothing or accessory? What is it? What's the meaning behind it? Do they wear it all the time or do they wear it sparingly to keep it safe?

immren thinks he doesn't have a favorite, but he's wearing those damn robes all the time. he got the base of it tailored to him specifically with gortash's help, and then he added the details on it himself. he wears it all the time.

change: Has your OC ever drastically changed their appearance? Significant haircuts, big tattoos, complete wardrobe swap, etc? Why? How do they feel about the change?

honestly no. no drastic changes.. the biggest changes however would be the significant jump in quality of clothing before + after he met gortash. also his patron affecting his body with visible tendrils on his chest but he didn't decide for THAT to happen. anyways, he does really enjoy the better clothing he got gifted from gortash instead of wearing like . a potato sack or his clothes from his teen years that are way too tight on him bc he grew out of them.

alternate: What would your OC's alternate universe look be? If they're a fantasy character, what's their modern look? If they're sci-fi, what's their fantasy look? What AU would you want to see your OC in, and how would they dress themself? Bonus: Prompt an AU!

ive posted about his modern au so many times so i'll talk about the dragon age au i have for him

i try to keep his outfits usually the similar aesthetic and him being from tevinter really helps with that i think LOL but giving him way too many belts that don't . have a function.. and cool sharp details. (will probably change his design until i see more tevinter fashion in veilguard though yay)