#there can never be enough bottom max for those of us with eyes that can see

[verussy]

y'all asking why max 'blush blindness, lips most of us would pay for, big blue eyes, eyelash extensions, itty-bitty waist, milf chested, scrunkly-faced, covers his mouth while he giggles, tucks his imaginary hair behind his ear, loves to be manhandled by men, praise kink, meowing on livestream' verstappen is sometimes categorized as a bottom? there's no culture anymore

[julymusings]

PORTRAIT

jason hates taking photos. it's a shame you find him so beautiful.

Jason Todd isn’t one to take pictures. Standing there with a fake smile, posing for a deceptively happy vignette of an unhappy reality feels awkward. He never knows what to do with his hands. He doesn’t like the way his face translates through the lens; the green of his eyes glows just this side of too spectral, his broad, stocky frame towers over that of his siblings, and the scars on his face bring memories of a darker time, an intentional carelessness for his life he used to carry. He leans away when others huddle together to smile. Pretends to notice something behind him when caught in the background of the lens.

Enter you. Only capable of looking at him with hearts in your eyes. Serving on a silver platter what he used to starve and scavenge for in dimly lit bars on the lips of women who only saw him as something to sink their teeth into and then spit out, never sticking around for longer than one night. Jason feasted at first, he’ll admit, stuffing himself to sickness on your unconditional adoration until it was almost too much to bear.

You take pictures of him and gush over them, telling him how pretty he is. How he belongs in a museum. He never believed you, never bothering to actually look at the pictures you take. But pretty soon he’s everywhere; you set him as your lock screen and screensaver, and print photos to frame on your bedside table. When your storage is maxed out, you steal Jason’s phone to flood his camera roll, and he finds that he keeps going back to stare at the photos you take. Selfies where you kiss his cheek and his mouth curves upward just enough to transform him from brooding to disarming; portraits where he looks, not at the camera, but just beyond and his eyes crinkle, the tips of his sharp canines peeking out over his bottom lip. He looks…different. Better. He starts to believe the things you tell him; his beauty is ancient. Michelangelo himself carved the contours of his body. The Trojans and the Greeks fought for a decade over him.

But what is it about this camera, he wonders, that makes his appearance digestible? Is it the way you frame him front and center, the backlighting sun rays extending in all directions behind him, encircling him with a holiness he doesn’t deserve? The scenery against which you capture him, busy nighttime streets under city lights, just dark enough to smooth out his rough edges? 

Or maybe it’s just you. Seeing himself from your point of view. Seeing himself as yours. His hooked nose, crooked from being broken one too many times, belongs to you for the early mornings when you trace down the bridge, around his lips, and up his jaw, drawing a portrait with your fingertips. His unruly hair, with streaks of white that make him stick out like a sore thumb, exists only for you to run your fingers through when he lays his head in your lap. His scars are for you to kiss on those difficult days until he can bear to look in the mirror again. He wants nothing more than to be a museum of all things you.

Jason Todd isn’t one to take pictures. But when you ask so nicely, showering him with compliments and promises of thank-you-kisses later on, how can he say no?

why are we as a society still striving for more definition and higher quality photos for anything other than, like, x-ray imaging and space exploration. I don't want 8k ultra-max hd in my phone that highlights every hair and pore and eye bag i want grainy and dark and fuzzy because it makes me look hotter and that's a fact. rant over

anyway he's so pretty i wanna take candids of him and kiss his face and squeeze his huge ti-*GUNSHOTS*

this is gonna be my last post for the next few weeks because i have finals. see you on the other side🫡 (born to be a farmer on a remote island, forced to study STEM) i'll be on requests as soon as i'm back trust

[81pastrys]

i'm so obsessed with the song 'freak' by doja cat lately and i've been thinking about if you write a story about it with max verstappen or oscar piastri 🙏

Freaky Secrets

Summary— After the 4th championship in a row, she shows him a side he’s never seen and they can’t rid of the high.

Warnings— smut ; car sex ; lingerie ; sub!Max for a bit ; dom!Max ; ties

A/N— oh I had fun writing this for sure

Max One Shots

Despite all the rumors, Max was quite vanilla in bed. I knew this, he knew this. He didn’t care, it was still mind blowing sex. For his 4th championship I couldn’t hold back.

I bought lingerie for the night and brought it to every race that he could’ve won, Las Vegas was not where I had planned to be wearing it but here we were. Walking the strip that was once a race track, looking for a club.

I sat on his lap in a round booth with a few other drivers. Max rested his hand on my thigh and my breath hitched. He knew I was going to congratulate him in private. He ran his hand up my dress and felt the Lacey material.

“What’s this schatje?” The nickname causing butterflies to form. He felt it more intricately and noticed it wasn’t just panties and a bra, but a full bodysuit.

“You’ll see.” I tease with a kiss to his cheek. That about disoriented him for a minute. Lando called his name and they went on the dance floor. Once he came back we were leaving. “So soon?” I ask.

“I’m in need of a congrats from you.” He whispered as we drive to the hotel not far off. We got to the room and he kissed me. Delicately like always. I pull back and lead him to the bed.

“Sit down champion.” I say seductively and his cheeks flush. I take off the silky dress I had partied in and he saw the lingerie in whole. “Like what you see?” I ask as he stares.

“Y-yeah.” He stutters. I start feeling up his body and taking off his clothes. His dick standing at attention. I smirk at him and he throws his head back on the bed.

“We’re going to try something new tonight, is that okay?” I ask. He picks his head up and looks at my eyes. I didn’t leave much room for argument.

“Like what?” Always full of questions. I shrug my shoulders in response and he lies back down. “Okay.” He sighs.

“If you don’t want to, we don’t have to Max.” I reassure him. I rub his thigh and he sits up to look down at me on my knees in between his legs. He holds my chin and kisses me.

“I’ll try anything new with you.” He stays sitting up and I stand up to kiss him. I crawl on top of him as we make out. I grab his hard cock and give it a few experimental strokes. He groans into my mouth and I smile. I grind on him with the lace done at the bottom.

“I’m going to be in charge.” I inform him. I grind on him, my arousal coating him. I leave the bed and open my suitcase to find silk ties that match the color of my lingerie.

“You’re going to use those for yourself right?” He asked. I shake my head no. He moves to the center of the bed and complies when I start tying his hands, licking my nipples as I lean over him. I moan and falter in my movements. “You’re a little freak you know that?” He smiled.

I giggle and finish tying his hands. “I can be your little freak, daddy.” I tease. His dick twitched at the nickname. “Maybe next time I can be tied up.” I whisper in his ear. I continue my grinding and he bucks his hips up.

“Fuck, you’re insane schatje.” He groaned. I kneel in between his legs and take off my jewelry, placing it neatly on the bedside. My arousal was enough for me to stroke him.

I lick the underside vein of his cock and he pulls the restraints. I finally take him in my mouth and suck, the way I know he likes. I take him all the way, gagging slightly but he groans. Once he was close and giving me telltale signs of an orgasm, I pulled off. Lazily stroking him. “Not yet.”

We’ve never had sex without a condom, too afraid of a pregnancy scare. With birth control and how cautious we are already, I decided one night won’t kill us. He doesn’t know that. I bring myself back up to him and kiss him. “Please fuck me.” He said breathlessly.

“Already begging for it?” I tease. I run his tip through my folds and he bites his bottom lip in anticipation. “Just for tonight, I waive the condom.” I say and kiss him.

“Fuck, please fuck me raw.” There’s the begging again. I line him up with me and slowly sink down, the pleasure overwhelming. Something we both haven’t experienced. “Fuck you’re so tight.” He groaned throwing his head against the pillows.

I took a minute to get used to his size and the feeling of him raw. I started slow, like we usually do. “How many times should we cum tonight?” I ask him slowly bouncing and grinding in his cock.

“4 fuck- 4 championships.” He groaned. I smirk at him and speed up my movements. I brought him close and he couldn’t even warn me before bucking his hips making me squeal. I kept him deep inside, feeling his warm cum filling me.

“Oh my god..” I moan out at the feeling. I take a minute. “That’s addicting.” I breathe out. We calm down and untie him. “I need you to fuck me, that was-fuck.” My mind couldn’t comprehend how good it felt.

He flipped us and took no time in matching my rhythm of rough. He hit all the right spots and made me see stars. “Who’s making you feel this way? Hm?” He asked. He’s never done dirty talk, but fuck it’s something.

“You.” I whine. That wasn’t enough, he gave me a harsh thrust and I screamed. “Max! Fuck!” He smirked and kept thrusting hard. I couldn’t warn him of my orgasm either as it came through harder than ever.

“You want me to fill you up again?” He whispered, still thrusting enough to let me ride out my high. “Make a mess for you to clean up?” I groan and he fills me again. This time it was much more euphoric.

“Fuck! Oh my god Max yes please.” He laid on my chest as we calmed down again. We finished the night after sharing 4 orgasms each.

That wasn’t the last time Max and I decided to be freaky, no. One night we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. My skirt riding up throughout the night, him pulling it down. We played a risky game of car sex, but it was raining so no one could tell we were the ones fogging up the Range Rover windows.

“Fuck!” I moan on his lap in the backseat. He held my hips and bounced me up and down on his cock. I had teased him and since we opened the rough sex part of our lives, we barely had vanilla sex. “I knew I never liked it simple.” I moan and kiss him hard.

“Yeah? You just never told me you could be a little freak.” His words sent me over the edge. “Used to be my innocent little good girl. Now look at you.” He spilled his load inside me and I moaned louder, throwing my head back. “Doing such bad things to me.” He slowly bounced me as we rode out the high and panted.

“I was never an innocent good girl Max, I just hadn’t had the balls to tell you how dirty I wanted it.” I admit in the Range Rover we had rented for the event.

The last bit was mainly for the song, but I tried to keep it up with the song SO

[thatguywhofedme]

❤️🐷 Never enough 🐷❤️

You know when you asked me how fat I wanted you when we first met ? I thought you were joking

You knew exactly what I was into the moment you saw me watching you stuff that greedy mouth of yours like the good piggy you already were , already a hefty 330 lbs, all belly like I love with a massive double chin, taking food by the fistful, barely chewing as you swallowed it all, not caring about who could be looking until we locked eyes

You were curious at first, it wasn't the usual look of curiosity or disgust you were used to, you saw me looking with a big smile on my face, until I got up, went to your table and asked if I could sit with you, you were shy at first, it wasn't everyday you were approached by someone who seemed to be interested in you while having food crumbs and stains all over you

From the moment I sat down I was completely honest with you, I told you how much I love your fat body and enjoy seeing you stuff yourself

You were as red as a beet, meeting someone into you who wasn't miles away behind a screen, complimenting you shamelessly in front of everyone never happened to you and before you could reply, I took one of your many greasy cheeseburgers, dipped it in your extra mayo and put it in front of you, ready to get fed, without a second thought you took it in between your greedy lips, almost putting the entire thing in your mouth while I was busy caressing your fat face, cleaning it little by little as I sucked ketchup from my finger, looking at you with envy like you've never seen before

You knew I was going to make you eat like there's no tomorrow each and every day, stuffing you like it's your last meal on death row with nothing to lose

And that's exactly what you were looking for

As the months went by and we got to know more from one another, we told each other what we were into and no surprise there, we were both into feedism and extreme weight gain

During that time your body went through some drastic changes

Your stretch marks got even brighter, your belly got even heavier, wider and most importantly, lower as it almost reached your knees as they slapped against the bottom of it while you barely waddle a couple of steps before needing your walker and oxygen, your face got so fat you couldn't really look down, what was the point anyway with me taking care of you like the prized piggy you are

We celebrated 500 lbs with a three tiered cake on all fours, or at least as best you can with all this fat making it impossible for you to move much as I took you from behind, grabbing your rolls for support as I made you hungrier with each orgasm, always wanting more with each fucking

One night I decided to try some darker themes when it came to having some fun and see where it goes, telling you I want you immobile, unable to do anything except getting fed and fucked all day long while I take care of you with some sponge baths, funnel feed you pure lard and feeding you sticks of butter dipped in sugar by the dozen, clogging those arteries while making you wheeze like crazy with each breath even with your oxygen to the max and giving you as much as it can, knowing full well there's more greasy food than air getting into this extremely obese body of yours

It certainly clicked for you as you came seconds after I said all those things and I knew I had the perfect piggy to fatten up beyond any limits we could think of

It wasn't long after before you needed a bariatric bed with me as your fulltime caretaker, feeder and lover

You were scared at first, not knowing if you could adjust to your new lifestyle, but with me making you feel like you're on top of the world, making you cum over and over again as the tube above you is slowly pumping your gut full of grease and lard to incredible sizes, which by now has grown so incredibly fat, it goes further than your feet and is almost nearing the end of the bed

We both look at the heart monitor often ever since your second heart attack, not because we worry about it, God no !!!

More so from morbid curiosity, wondering when it will be your last time clutching your chest, knowing full well it'll be a massive turn on for the both of us

So to answer your question, there's no answer for me to provide

We both know you can never be fat enough and we need to keep on making you fatter for as long as we can, no matter what happens, that body needs more lard and it needs it now

It's not because you're over 700 lbs that I'm going to take it easy on you, on the contrary, you know i'll fatten you up even faster with no end I'm sight

I can't wait for that heart monitor to stop beeping, knowing we both accomplished our goal and made you the greatest death piggy to ever live

[kremlin]

@wikwalker hi sure yes anything to give me an excuse to procrastinate the post i should be writing right now. here are all teh drugs and how to manage them. you can trust me, a drug addict

first of all: https://www.erowid.org/ , erowid always

don't be afraid of drugs, if they're the right drugs, you should do them since they will be a blast regardless and overcoming fear is also good (but outside the scope here)

OK to do as much as you want: alcohol - social benefit greatly outweighs health effects, no reason to avoid if predisposed to abuse since that'll happen sooner or later. what can i say? don't be a fucking dork. when you start drinking, really overdo it as much as possible without dying and get a few real nasty hangovers under your belt so you know how much is the right amount to drink.

weed - innocuous enough to be fine but will make you stupid in the long term. make sure to only buy from a real drug dealer and never some legal institution. cut it out when you're a "real adult". don't smoke weed and watch TV routinely, go out and do things so you naturally grow to hate it. good to go through this as early as possible to minimize the time you spend as a cringe weed enthusiast

i guess those are the only two.

ok to do infrequently (annually): "lsd" - or whatever it is, probably not lsd, blah blah blah, if it works and is sold on blotter its fine and won't make you go nuts or whatever. opt for a better psychadelic imo. see psych rule at bottom of section

mushrooms - better than acid since you know what they are. rule of thumb is to always do more than you think you want. minimum 1/8oz. see psych rule at bottom of post

dmt - if you somehow have a dmt hookup you don't need to be reading any of this. lasts 10 minutes which leads to tendency to way overdo it, don't do this, my favorite webcomic artist is permanently crazy from exactly that. using a crack pipe is also not the uhhhh most dignifying-feeling thing to do either. it's harder than you think.

mdma - for use at electronic music event or rave. overuse causes brain lesions or something.

coke - wait until you're in your 20s, have maxed out your roth IRA for a couple of years in a row, and havent missed a car payment in a similar timeframe. better still if you've worked a very shitty low paying job and know the value of a dollar. if you still find yourself buying candy you're not ready. too expensive to be worth it to get hooked on. know that you are VERY ANNOYING to anyone who also isn't high. don't fuck around with the guy selling it to you. avoid discussing or thinking about business ideas. you can't afford to make it a habit + kinda turns you into a piece of shit after a while, but at least a very interesting one

ketamine - another sick drug that rules, but save it for a special occasion. don't try and go into the k-hole your first time

rule for psychedelics - you get one good strong trip a year and that's it, make it count, always opt for doing a bit more than a bit less. but don't make it a habit, otherwise you turn into a very stupid very annoying "hippy" style cliché and believe in ghosts, aliens, crap like that.

ok to try once prescription opiates/benzodiazepine (xanax), valium, this kind of shit - worth trying so you can go "holy shit, this stuff is way way way too good to ever use responsibly" and then never do again. especially if you're white. for some reason we just can't handle this shit. if a doctor prescribes it to you, idk, that's your call to make.

ayhuasca - this is just dmt in a different form. do some other psychadelics a number of times before you do this. once you realize the whole "substantial visual hallucinations" thing is made up, its time. do exactly this: -buy root online (legal). receive box of dirt -boil dirt into "tea" (read erowid for exact recipe) -take over-the-counter anti nausea medicine or anything that will give you a stronger stomach -drink tea (its nasty as fuck, get it down quick) -have someone bigger than you keep an eye on you for the next five hours. -have the experience, which is absurdly intense, has no bearing to the real world, etc etc. don't be a bitch and throw up, if you do it'll only last an hour or so. again there is no way to provide a consistent description of the experience except that you will meet god. you only ever need to do this once and never again. trust me

peyote/salvia/etc - try em if you want, you'll never ever want to again afterwords. these are drugs for idiot teenagers too lame to get real drugs. imagine being very very sick from poison and utterly terrified at the same time. No good

whippets/nitrous oxide - just find a dentist that uses it and don't bother creating hundreds of pounds of trash on your floor for this crap that lasts ten seconds. you have to understand the extremely short timeframe coupled with the cost makes zero sense. go to a phish concert parking lot and do some people watching -- you do not want to be these people. only use is as a motivator to get routine dental exam. also if you somehow manage to make it a heavy habit your fucking legs stop working, no shit, but they start working again once you quit.

don't ever do heroin/meth/pcp - is is truly a mystery why you should never do these 🙄

synthetic weed/k2/shit from the gas station - it is so funny that they sell this as "weed that won't pop you on a drug test". its not weed. it is some dubious chemical sprayed on yard waste. smoke it to have a terrible time and go nuts. only buy drugs from legitimate drug dealers!

kratom - anyone's guess as to why this is legal but it's heroin for pussies. its still heroin

dxm/cough syrup - do you ever wonder why it is exclusively teenagers robotripping? it's because it sucks ass. is like a cheesegrater on your brain in terms of health effects with repeated usage. you're better than this king

inhalants - these are at the bottom of the list for a reason. do not huff gas. don't huff paint. do not consume computer duster. not fun + fastest way to make yourself a complete, uh, (word i can't say anymore) and then dead

not listed quaaludes- unavailable due to no longer being manufactured. these ruled apparantly

sincis2c - unavailable due to not existing, i just made this up

amphetamines - cannot provide objective take here. they're my albatross, lifelong (posted 4:55am natch)

[optimistredsox]

15 June, NYY @ BOS, 0-2, win

The Red Sox Rollercoaster seems hellbent on ruining my blood pressure. How a team can sweep their arch rivals after a weekend of joy and happiness only to slap their fans in the face whilst kicking them in the shins and trading away one of the best hitters in the game shortly thereafter? Carita. Raffy. Gone. To San Francisco. There are obviously a bunch of folks claiming this is the end of all things good in Boston and the Red Sox deserve what they get etc etc. Then there are those who have a chip on their shoulder that Raffy didn't get with the program after Bregman was signed and they're glad to see the back of him (I have no time for the anglophone whiners who criticise his "refusal" to speak English as some sort of indicator that he wasn't a team player - learning new languages is HARD and the fear of being misunderstood whilst in the public eye is huge). There are a lot of folks who (probably correctly) say that it was actually the disastrous Mookie trade that got us here. Me? I loved Raffy. He was frustrating. He wasn't a great third baseman. But when he was in the zone, watching him hit was a joy. And watching the joy he took in hitting was wonderful. I will miss watching him smack his helmet and talk to himself between pitches. I don't understand the "business" of baseball, nor do I want to. It seemed by the end that Raffy wasn't happy in Boston anymore. Do I blame the team? A little? Do I blame Raffy? A little? I'll still never forget when he burned himself into my brain as the bat of the future. I wrote about it here. Tying the game in the ninth against Chapman with a home run I can still see. Nobody from that 2017 game is left on the team. And I still haven't quite come round to the idea that the dude Raffy hit the dinger off is now a Red Sox. Find it harder to come round considering that now Raffy isn't. I don't feel I'm expressing myself as precisely as I'd hope. So many people use events like this to prove their "narrative" of what they think is right or wrong with Sox but I don't really have that desire. I'm just sort of sad it got to this. And I haven't even written about the game yet. So I should probably do that.

The pre-2004 Red Sox fan in me frequently views potential sweeps of the vile Skanks with as much trepidation as excitement, due to my firm belief that there's always a chance they could fuck it up. But they didn't! They didn't score a bunch, but they scored enough! And they beat a really good pitcher, handing Max Fried (fried what, exactly?) only his second loss of the season. Anyway, plenty of bright sides which I am determined not to let be overshadowed by the loss of Carita.

Brayan Bello was great. He went seven innings, threw 114 pitches, gave up only three hits and three walks and struck out eight. And he's not normally a strike out pitcher. This makes me happy. Bello has so often been spoken of with regards to his potential. It now looks like he's close to realising that potential and I am here for it.

Trevor Story knocked in another run, the first of the game in the bottom of the first.

Romy Gonzalez (who scored that first run) slid so violently into third base he got a bloody nose. Is that a bright side? Not for his nose, I'm guessing, but I like the dedication.

Garrett Whitlock was brought on to face Judge and got him to ground into a double play. Beautiful.

Raffy Devers hit his last Red Sox dinger in the bottom of the fifth off Fried. I watched it. I didn't know it was his last while I watched it.

We won!

We're over .500!

Let's stay that way and win a bunch more fucking games!

[f1uckinghell]

Max is cleaning out the house and finds his old school uniform, he puts it on as a bit of joke thinking maybe the alphas would get a kick out of it or something. He totally doesn't expect Charles being all over him, the uniform reminding him of all the firsts of Max's he took 🥵

(old ask, this is not exactly what you wanted but hey) this accidentally became a full oneshot, enjoy!

—————

Max is cleaning out the attic, and he finds a box of old clothes and takes them down to go through it, half to laugh about them, half for the nostalgia, and also because maybe Riley might like one or two of them.

There is tons of stuff that kind of makes him a little sad when he looks at them. Shirts in drab colors, cheap jeans he never liked wearing, formless sweaters to hide his figure.

„Mama, most of these are so…sad.“ Riley holds up a very ugly grey-striped knit jumper.

„Yeah… I was sad while wearing them.“ Max watches Riley toss it onto the donate-pile.

There is a divide in this box, though, between before and after- before, those are the colorless clothes, the ones that scream depression. After, they get more colorful. There is a t-shirt Charles made for him, it’s tie-dye with „bestie“ written on the chest.

„I like this one,“ Riley smiles, holding it up to his own body. Max was older than him when he wore it, so it still looks too big, but he’ll grow into it.

„What’s this?“ Riley pulls out a piece of fabric, and Max’s heart stops for a second. Riley holds it up, and the ugly, mid-length skirt unfolds „I thought you never wore skirts when you were younger!“

Max shudders at the memory of sitting in a restaurant wearing it, his father talking about him like he’s not there, alphas commenting on his figure and cooking skills like he’s a doll, Daniil sitting there not talking to him.

„I didn’t.“ He grabs it from Riley’s hand and tosses it onto the landfill-pile. Riley follows it with his eyes. „My father made me wear it once.“

He has a policy of not lying to his pups about feelings and his past, and Riley is old enough to understand. Immediately, his eyebrows furrow. „Well, fuck it then.“

It makes Max smile, the swear word included.

„Ohh, look!“ Riley reaches and pulls out something else.

It’s Max’s school uniform, a white button down, a fine wool-knit jumper, the pleated skirt. Riley coos at it. „That’s so vintage, I love it!“

Max snorts. „Vintage?“

It’s the last uniform he had for school, much too big for Riley. A flood of memories overcomes Max as Riley runs his fingers over the pleated skirt. „That must have looked so cute on you.“

„It did,“ Charles says from the doorway. He must have sneaked up on them, distracted as they.

„Maman, look!“ Riley beams, „Did you have one like this too?“

„Yeah, of course.“ Charles saunters over to them, his hand landing warmly on Max’s shoulder. „But I used to roll up the waistband so it looked shorter.“

That makes Riley giggle.

„I didn’t do that,“ Max tells him, „And neither should you.“ Although he knows Riley would never. He reminds Max of himself like that.

„Actually,“ Charles hums, „I think I still have my cheerleader uniform. I think it’s in the depths of my closet somewhere.“ As intentioned, Riley’s eyes light up immediately. „Can I go look for it?“

„Yeah! It should be on a hanger.“

Riley dashes off, leaving the two of them alone. Charles sinks down to the floor next to Max and surprises him with a kiss. Max purrs into it. He knows Charles is up to something, especially when he half-climbs into Max’s lap to straddle him.

„You should put it on,“ he purrs, kissing Max’s neck.

„What?“ It comes out squeakier than expected. When Max realizes Charles is referring to the school uniform, he shakes his head violently. „It won’t fit!“

„It will!“ Charles pulls away, looking at him with a glint in his eyes. „…please?“

„Why?“ Max asks, mildly bewildered by the intensity of this request. Slow heat is rising in the bottom of his stomach as Charles is grinding down on him. He wraps his arms around him and holds on to his thighs, squeezing lightly.

„Because…,“ Charles trails his fingertips up Max’s shoulders, „That’s what you were wearing for most of our first times.“

Max feels himself blush. „Oh!“

„Yeah… I still have very fond memories of fingering you under that skirt,“ Charles purrs with a smirk, his fingertips now running along the neckline of Max’s shirt. „…and of unbuttoning that shirt.“

Max is too stunned to speak, so he just tips his head up in an offer for a kiss. Charles takes the offer. It’s true, there were many, many times when they made out while Max was wearing this outfit. There are lots of memories attached to it; not many of them have to do with actual school.

They make out for a moment, right until there are footsteps on the staircase. Charles lets out a little groan and slowly slides off of Max’s lap, giving him a heated grin. Max also feels slightly out of breath.

Riley barges in, Charles’ old red and white cheerleading uniform in hand. „I found it!“

„Great!“ Charles rises to his feet. „I could try it on, see if it still fits me.“ He gives Max a wink, then tells Riley, „Your papa must have a matching alpha one somewhere.“ He holds the skirt up to his hips, and Max has to look away so he doesn’t blush even harder.

„You could have a Highschool dress-up party!“ Riley suggests innocently.

Charles gives Max a smirk and wiggles his hips, making the pleated skirt swing back and forth. „Yeah, maybe we should.“

[astoldbyaja]

The Blossom surrounded by Fire - Ch. 20 (Warrior AU- HBO MAX)

Young Jun was not bad, not bad at all. The noises he made beneath me as I rode him hard, had my arousal growing. His cock wasn’t thick like Bolo, and didn’t hit those sweet spots inside me, but every sound he made definitely had me throbbing. His fingers pinched my nipples causing bursts of pleasure inside me to grow.

“Oh, fuck the wait was so worth it!” he yells as I grind my hips against him. I smirked, but deep down I was still hurting: hurting from my past, hurting from what Zing did to me, and hurting now that Bolo didn’t want to be beneath me like this and I was taking out all my emotions on Young Jun who didn’t seem to mind. His hips move against mine perfectly and in sync.

“Rub my clit!” I demand. His eyes flex as if he was even more turned on.

“Fuck yes ma’am!” he replies and lets his hand disappear between our bodies and I feel his fingers search greedily for my sensitive spot. He finds it and rubs vigorously, desperately and I cry out against him. The room is filled with delicious cries of bliss and pleasure.

“Aahh I’m gonna cum!” I moan out and he bites his bottom lip hard.

“Fuuuuck yes, cum on my cock baby!” he yells as I move my hips harder and faster against him. “Fuck I’m cumming!” I cum hard, feeling my walls tighten around him and he growls hard as he releases everything inside me, yelling out in utter bliss. My body shakes violently from the pleasure that devours. I pant heavily and fall to the side of the bed staring at the ceiling with foggy eyes.

“You are a fucking goddess!” he pants, exhausted. I grin softly.

“Oh you don’t mean that.” I replied and he nodded wiping his brow of the sweat that accumulated.

“But I do! I have… never slept with a colored girl before and damn your insides felt so good and hot!” he said. I didn’t reply, but I continued to smile. If there was one bit of happiness I could take from this meeting, I was happy he didn’t touch my ears.

“Well, you were patient enough, I decided to reward you.” I teased, and he turned on his side and stared at me intensely.

“Well, if you keep giving me this reward, I can make your stay here in Chinatown is comfortable.” he said. I looked at him curiously.

“What do you mean?” I asked, and he shrugged letting the top of his knuckles gently slide up my hip.

“I mean I advocate for you to join the Hop Wei. My father will accept you as his personal doctor and healer to the tong, and you can share my bed and anything you want you can have.” he said. I stared at him in thought of his words before looking down his chest.

“I don’t think I would be accepted in your tong… let alone respected.” I replied moving to sit up. Plus, there was no way I could be in the same tong as Bolo. It would be just odd.

“They don’t have to accept you, they just need to sit still and shut the fuck up while you stitch them up.” Young Jun said firmly as he sat up with me. “You can stay with Chao if you want, that’ll make you closer to the tong and we’d know where to find you when we need to come get you.”

Just like Mai Ling said. I smiled gently at the tong leader’s son and leaned forward kissing him gently of which he responded immediately. I then slowly moved from the bed and bent over letting him have a full view of my bottom as I pulled my dress back on.

“I will wait to hear back from your father.” I replied buttoning up dress.

“He’ll ask you to join.” he said with confidence. I nodded slowly. And I’ll respectfully refuse so that I could join the Long Zii with a clear conscience and pray they don’t retaliate against me. If that’s a possibility, then it would mean putting Chao in danger with us living together. I would need to make this move silently to move into their territory.

“I guess we will see.” I replied before turning to look at Young Jun. He stared at me with a deep gaze and nodded.

“I hope we can do this again.” he said. I nodded halfheartedly.

“Guess we will see. Good night.” I replied and left the room silently. I met with Chao downstairs, he asked if I was ready to go, and I replied that I was. The carriage ride was quiet, and we both smelled like alcohol and sweat and definitely would need to bathe before we went to bed tonight. I looked at Chao who was looking ahead as if content.

“I’m going to join the Long Zii. And to ensure that there is no retaliation against you or me when I deny Father Jun, I plan to move onto their territory.” I replied. He looked at me as if not surprised. The emotion of sadness danced in his brown eyes. He gave a warm smile and leaned down and took my hand in his hand giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Good.” he said gently. After our much needed baths, we passed out in the bed together, our bodies lazily wrapped around each other. This was the first time I felt I could sleep and let my guard down without fear of Zing and the Fung Hai or anyone else coming for me in the dead of the night.

The next morning, Chao wanted to go with me to Long Zii’s territory, but I talked him out of it. It’s one thing for me to move through territories unbothered due to visiting the sick or wounded, but it would draw too much attention from tongs if we both went.

I stood before Long Zii and Mai Ling in their large dining area or at least that’s what most Americans would call this room with a square pool. This area was beautiful with long pants at the doorway and paintings of lands I couldn’t even begin to describe. A group of elders stood further behind Long Zii.

“So, Amaka. My wife says you have agreed to join my tong my personal doctor.” Long Zii said. Behind him was Mai Ling and Li Yong. I looked at him and nodded giving a gentle bow of my head.

“Yes sir. It would be an honor to join your tong and help you, your family, and your allies when healing is needed.” I replied. The elder nodded slowly.

“Well, your skills will be put to the test as hostilities grow between my tong and the Hop Wei. After this moment we will see if you can truly dedicate your life to the Long Zii. You will be treated no differently here just because you are an African. Mai Ling will see to your integration here. You will be treated as a mild extension of her. Li Yong, my lieutenant, will also be at your aid if he can be spared.” he explained. That was it? No initiation, no brand on my body to show I belonged to someone. I nodded and bowed to the floor.

“Thank you for this opportunity.” I replied. Mai Ling smiled warmly, and her husband merely nodded and looked at his wife with a nod before separating with the elders. I let out a deep breath as she Mai Ling, followed by Li Yong, approached with a smile, curling her fingers together.

“I’m glad you accepted my offer, Amaka. I know it will be a new adjustment, but as long as you are in this territory you are safe.” she said. I gave a gentle smile and nodded.

“Thank you. I have not rejected the Hop Wei yet, and I fear retaliation against myself or Chao due to me choosing your tong.” I replied. She nodded.

“It’s alright, I will send Li Yong and a few others to Chao to collect your belongings. Meanwhile, I can show you around and to your room, then Li Yong will show you the lodge outside the residence.” she said. I glanced at Li Yong who just smiled and nodded before turning to leave the room. My heart was fluttering fast. This was really happening. I was joining a tong. Mai Ling raised her arm and grinned at me.

“Shall we.” she replied. This place was just like the mansion of a plantation. I remembered rooms fairly easily by looking at certain items connected with each room. There were common areas, rooms for eating and drinking, a room where men were training. There were women in pale dresses cleaning the house. I did not miss that. There was a room for strictly bathing.

“This is where you are allowed to bathe. It’s not uncommon for the servants to bathe together, but it goes without saying they may not… want you to bathe with them.” she explained. I nodded understanding.

“I understand.” I replied and she nodded.

“But of course, you will always bathe before them. They eat, sleep, and clean without bothering everyone else.” she explained firmly. I nodded once more, and we continued our tour from the bedroom she shared with her husband to other rooms where it seemed their soldiers slept and ate. I was brought to a large room with a bed and bookshelves. There were also two large oak wardrobes in the back of the room.

“This room is yours to do with as you please. Fill the shelves with any books you have, your clothes you may wear as you please, but I do plan to have some dresses brought in that shows your status. We cannot have you dressed in a fashion that does not suit Long Zii’s personal doctor.” she told. I nodded.

“Alright. Should I assume, I will tend to myself for most of my stay here? I don’t mean I want to be served or anything!” I said quickly. I didn’t want her to think I was asking to be served. Lord, can one imagine tending to a colored in such a way! Mai Ling just raised her hand and smiled.

“You are not a slave, Amaka. You are free to come and go as you please as long as you tell someone your ware abouts. I know you will respect this tong and our house. Although I suspect you will want to spend more time at your lodge which is fine. I think this room will be good for you when we need you close by for me or my husband or if the men need patching up from a scrap. Your lodge already has medical supplies. You keep inventory of what you need, and we will make sure you have it.” she replied. I nodded immediately before smiling at her.

“Thank you, Mai Ling.” I replied. She smiled and nodded.

Normal POV

As usual, Li Yong walked calmly through Chinatown with his hands locked behind his back, his men following obediently behind him. He was secretly happy that the healer, Amaka decided to join his tong.

He didn’t know too many- no he didn’t know any colored people. He knew they stayed on their side of town. He knew their history and felt no need to ever bother them when one or two would cross through their territory just passing through. Li Yong remembered walking through Chinatown behind Long Zii and Mai Ling as they were going on a morning walk. She was growing in power and although he cared about her, he could sense a darkness in her and he wanted to ensure it did not taint him. But with her plan to take over the Long Zii, he knew it was too late for that.

It was busy all around, and she immediately stuck out. He remembered doing a double take when he saw her, crouched beside an old man giving him a bowl of something to drink while she stitched up a cut on his arm. He remembered thinking it was odd for her to help what looked like a stranger. She had warm hazelnut skin and long thick curly hair.

She wore a faded white dress and was smiling warmly at the man as she helped him. She had dimples in her cheeks. Li Yong remembered tilting his head curious of this woman who was definitely sticking out in their small town. He ended up passing many people that day but was also looking back at the woman. He thought she was beautiful, and so he wanted to look at such beauty for as long as he could since he felt they’d never see each other again.

 Even now, Li Yong knew from the look in her eyes she was a survivor, a fighter. She had to be to withstand being experimented on by her former master, to endure the life of a slave. Her past had not dimmed or devoured her.

Li Yong and his soldiers were closing in on Chao’s store when he suddenly saw the familiar group of red and black stopping across from his men. He gave them a threatening glare. At the front of the group was Young Jun, son of their current leader Father Jun. Li Yong thought the son was careless and hot headed. He didn’t have the true skills of leadership. And then there was Ah Sahm, Mai Ling’s brother. He was an impressive fighter, and Li Yong was itching for another fight with him, and from the way Ah Sahm was staring the young man was thinking the same. And lastly there was Bolo, The Yellow Demon. Now he had skill and was not one to take lightly, especially now that his spies that are implanted in the brothel have informed him that he and their new doctor have shared many nights together in the brothel. But it was just sex, but he would confirm this later on from her.

“And what the fuck is Long Zii doing in Hop Wei territory!” Young Jun snapped. Everyone was on edge and tense. Li Yong just smiled coyly as Chao was just now stepping out as if to open his shop.

“Simply here for Chao. Nothing more, nothing less.” he said. Chao immediately looked at Li Yong then Young Jun, and immediately his jaw tightened.

“Oh what the fuck! Whatever this is, take it somewhere else, please tong fights are bad for business.” he said. Li Yong would normally have his attention on Ah Sahm or even Young Jun, but this time, he was watching Bolo carefully and the enforcer noticed it, his body stiffening to show he was ready to scrap. Bolo has never fought the Long Zii lieutenant, but now he was itching to find out how good he was.

Li Yong finally looked back at Chao.

“We came to collect some belongings.” he said. Chao’s eyes lightened just a bit.

“Everything went well then…I’m glad.” he said with relief.

“Yo Chao don’t you want to know why we’re here?” Young Jun asked smugly and now all attention was brought back to him. Chao sighed.

“Here to make a purchase, I assume?” he asked. Young Jun shook his head.

“Nah we’re here for your associate, Amaka. Words gotten out she was seen walking into fucking Long Zii territory not too long ago, which could only mean she’s healing for Long Zii or she got lost, because I know she wouldn’t pledge loyalty to these fucks after talking to my father about joining our tong.” he said. Now Li Yong’s eyes darkened as he could sense the edge in the man’s voice. Chao arched a brow.

“She’s her own woman and she’s free to do whatever she wants.” he said. Young Jun nodded.

“So, get her out here, I want her to deny my father’s offer to my face.” he said stepping closer to the shop. In reaction, Li Yong and his soldiers stepped closer, which made Ah Sahm and the Hop Wei soldiers do the same. Bolo’s glare darkened and he was locked on the enemy tong now. He knew Amaka wasn’t here, and he knew she had made her choice in tong. He pushed her right into their hold!

Young Jun just glared at Li Yong.

“You got something you want to fucking say?” he asked. Li Yong just smiled wickedly.

“I am just here to collect the items of our new healer.” he said acidly yet calmly all at the same time. Chao’s instincts immediately kicked in as he was already running back inside as the two tongs collided throwing fists and swinging hatchets.

[newmiriamsmysteries]

[ "Followed" - 7/14/24 ]

((Possible scene in "Luna"))

---

Music - Tool - Forty Six & 2

Even though he told me not to…

I followed him.

I never said that I always did as I was told.

I followed his black Jeep in a cab so he wouldn’t recognize my truck.  We kept a reasonable distance so he wouldn’t expect a tail.  All the while, sitting in the back of that cab, I felt lousy.  I hated this.  Max was my best friend, we’d known each other since we were kids.  I knew I could trust him with everything, but there was something he was hiding from me.  He’s been the county coroner for years, and I never saw him get shaken up by what was on his table.  I had two vics in the morgue that looked like they’d been torn about by some kind of animal - and a coroner who turned pale at the sight of them.

Max pulled into a group of run-down plants lining the riverbank.  Remnants of times gone by.  Old warehouses popped up here and there looking old and tired.  Some had boarded-up windows and others had no windows at all.  Old streetlights and dim neon illuminated the row of buildings.  I saw Max’s Jeep parked by one of the larger buildings lit by a neon arrow pointing to a steel door with a panel in the center.  Voices caught my attention and I slipped around a shadowed corner of the building.  Peeking out, I saw a man step up to the door.  He was in a well-tailored, freshly pressed suit.  His salt and pepper hair wasn’t out of place and his go-tee was well maintained.  He honestly reminded me a little of Vincent Price.  

On his arm was a beautiful woman, a bit younger than him, dressed to the nines.  Her blond hair was pulled up into a fancy sort of updo in a pile of curls at the crown of her head.  She glanced over her shoulder once and I caught a glimpse of striking green eyes.  Diamonds dripped from her earlobes in what had to be the most expensive pair of earrings I’d ever seen.  Her neck as well, bore a striking diamond choker that reflected the red neon light, making her diamonds look like blood.  Her skintight, little black dress left little to the imagination, it was low cut and ended mid-thigh.  Leather, heeled boots crawled up from her feet to her thighs.  

The man reached up and knocked.  The panel in the center of the door opened and then closed a moment or two later.  Next thing I knew, the large steel door screeched open and the couple went inside.  So it was one of those kind of clubs, huh?  The kind with a very exclusive membership.  One that I obviously didn’t have.  

Time to improvise,  I thought as I crept along the wall.  I used the flashlight on my cellphone to guide my steps.  The alley was empty, save for some trash and debris all over the ground.  Rusted old trash cans rested against the wall to my right.  To my left, I came upon an old fire escape.  It looked sketchy, at best, and I was hit by the sudden realization that I was going to do something incredibly stupid.  

I slipped my phone into the pocket of my beat-up leather jacket and then jumped.  I grabbed the bottom rung of the ladder and thanked my lucky stars that I spent most of my childhood climbing trees.  It took a moment, but I easily pulled myself up.  I reached a landing just as the entire structure shuddered and groaned beneath my feet.  

I crouched down and pulled my phone from my pocket again, the flashlight was still on as I surveyed my position.  On my left was an old railing, flaking black paint revealed years of rust and a tetanus shot in my most immediate future if I touched it.  On the other side was an old piece of faded, wavy plastic.  It was nailed to the wall at the top corners as if to cover a hole.  From within the building, I could hear muffled voices, followed by shouts of exhilaration from a large audience.  I turned off the flashlight and hid my phone away before slipping my hands into the sleeves of my jacket.  I grabbed the plastic and pulled it away from the building, moving it just enough that I could squeeze inside.  

So I did just that.  

I was deposited on a new-looking catwalk above a huge amphitheater.   It reminded me of a Roman Colosseum I’d seen in a movie once.  Seats lined all but one wall in a horseshoe shape looking down over a floor made of dirt and sawdust.   The inside of the building looked absolutely brand new.  A stark contrast to the outside.  I could smell the fresh wood and paint.  Exhaust fans ran along the stone walls, adding some sort of ventilation to the area.  A sound system was set up on the wall without seats.  The chairs in the front row were plush and comfortable looking, then it seemed to get a bit more mundane the further they went up.  The “Cheap Seats” below me were nothing but wooden folding chairs.  Carefully, I stood and looked down. 

In the center of the floor was an announcer speaking into a microphone that hung from the ceiling.  He was a tall man, lanky almost, and moved a bit otherworldly.  It wasn’t a Vampire’s grace though, but it was still predatory.  His eyes were golden and his smile was a bit more toothy than I was used to.  He dressed well, however, as did the rest of the audience.  Suits, dresses, jewels, furs - any luxury you could think of.  

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,”  The announcer began.  “Once again I welcome you all to The Claymore Amphitheater!”  He exclaimed, opening his arms with a flourish as the audience erupted in praise.  I slipped behind a shadowed pillar as the announcer’s eyes moved over the crowd.  

“For those who are new, I am Abraham Nash, your Master of Ceremonies.  I hope you got your bets in early, folks, cause this one is going to be a doozy!”  The Announcer said.  “We have in our presence very prestigious fighters.”

Just as he spoke, the spotlight split into three, one keeping Nash illuminated and the others moving to two darkened doorways.  I leaned forward slightly to see.  

“In this corner - “  Nash stated, “We have the reigning Champion, hailing from Mother Russia - RODYK PETROVICH!”  The crowd whooped and hollered as a mountain of a man stepped into the spotlight.  He was built like a brick shit-house.  He was tall and thick with well-defined muscles.  He honestly reminded me of Braun Strowman - except with fairer skin and blond hair.  ( I watch wrestling.  So what?)  

“And in this corner - “  Nash gestured to the other dark doorway.  “Ladies and Gentleman, we here at The Claymore, are very pleased to introduce one of our own.  My friends…dear friends…I am happy to welcome back … JASON DUNNIGAN!”

“Wait what?!”  I caught myself saying out loud.  I put my hand over my mouth, my eyes wide as I looked at the doorway.  I grabbed the catwalk’s railing with my free hand and held it tight until my knuckles turned white.  He stepped out and my heart skipped in my chest.  He was everything I remembered.  He was tall and well-built where it counted.  He was a bit smaller than his opponent, though.  He was tanned and covered head to toe in freckles.  

“My friends!”  Nash said after the applause and accolades had died down.  “Now, we know the rules.  The first man to incapacitate - NOT KILL - their opponent wins the pot which sits at a whopping five thousand dollars thanks to our amazing patrons and partners.”  

As Nash kept going, I couldn’t stop looking at Jason.  Memories came back, most of them good, some of them not so good.  I shook my head to bring myself back to the present.  Scanning the crowd, I caught a glimpse of Max, sitting in what could have counted as box seats.  Just on the floor of the amphitheater.  He was staring at Jason’s back, but I couldn’t make out his expression from here.  His arms were crossed over his chest, one leg resting on top of the other.  People were sitting beside him - the man and the beautiful blond woman I watched enter the building.

The blond was speaking to Max, but he didn’t seem to be paying attention.  

The sound of a bell startled me and I looked back to the floor.  Jason and Rodyk were circling each other.  The Russian certainly had a height and weight advantage over the small man, but Jason had also been faster and more agile.  

Suddenly, the two men stopped and began to move oddly.  Their bodies fell forward as their legs moved direction.  Becoming more canine than human, fur rippled over their skin.  Rodyk’s was snow white with various bits of gray.  Jason’s was a russet red-brown.   Human faces were replaced by wolf ones.  I glanced up toward the large skylights over my head just in time to see the Full Moon peek through the glass.  

Werewolves.

They were God Damn Werewolves!!

I looked back in Max’s direction again, he seemed unphased like this was a normal Monday night for him.   What the hell was going on and why was no one reacting?! 

The growls of the two wolves broke through the applause and adoration of the audience.  The noise was deafening and I tucked back a little in my shadowed hide-a-way.  Rodyk lounged at Jason, who easily dodged out of the way.  Keeping low, the Red Wolf leaped up toward Rodyk’s back leg, attempting to bite it and incapacitate him.  But the White Wolf was deceptively quick.  He dodged at the last minute, causing Jason to roll slightly beneath his opponent.  Dust flew into the air, floating in the glow of the house lights.  Growls and yips from the two brawling wolves went on well into the evening as they fought.  The battle ended abruptly with Jason’s jaw locked around Rodyk’s throat.  

The bell sounded again and the two animals parted before one could kill the other.  “Your winner!!  JASON DUNNIGAN!”  Nash yelled.  The crowd erupted again as Jason dropped his wolf form and became human again.  Nash held up his arm at the wrist and Jason bowed his head.  Even in human form, his body bore signs of battle.  Scratch and bite marks that were much akin to an animal attack.  

Wait…

I looked at Max again, who had caught Jason’s eye now.  The coroner got up from his seat and wove his way through the crowd and out of the building.  I glanced at Jason once more, unsure how to feel, then turned and snuck out the way I had come in.  

[starsmuserainbow]

Mm.

Considering to use the icons I have of Moonshot's FC of their series' manga. They're grey and personally I never feel like I can see that much on manga icons, but, I would have at least some icons I feel decently okay about without editing them?

Would have to sort out some where he has just too pointy ears, and ofc the outfit absolutely doesn't display what Moonshot wears, but, I'd have some icons to use. Hmm.

A few examples below the cut if anyone's curious.

First, two to show how it looks once I'm done with the edits on him.

and here are some of those I can see working despite being completely unedited. (To be fair, not completely unedited, I'm p sure I edited the eyes to be green in the two colored ones but that's about it)

I don't feel like the ones showing a bit of the body too are gonna be working very well though. Hmm.

Bonus, this one, I don't even 'see' anything on it myself anymore.

I have no idea what this is or what is going on here. That in the top left might be an eye? Bottom left the mouth? Okay, I think with squinting at it hard enough I recognize a face there, worried or angry or something.

Yeah, I definitely can't work with these grey icons all that well, but, having some icons without needing to edit? (I only have like 40 icons, probably 30 at max remaining when I remove the ones with too pointy ears, so not much, but, at least something?) Hmm. I'll have to consider that.

[bullsh1tterz]

As the boy's eyes well up, Adam presses his bottom lip against the top in a slither of hesitation. Ah, fuck, was he about to make a kid cry? Regardless of intention, perhaps his rigidity had been too much - perhaps the kid had misunderstood something and taken it to heart. He unpairs his lips, just a slight gap, ready to try and clarify any mishaps, but the boy then speaks and he reverts to listening instead. He'd like to help people. Was that what Adam was going for? Is that what he meant? Probably. Probably not. He doesn't know.

But he supposes it fairly reassuring that the teenager's first thought was to use whatever that mysterious talent of his was for good. The world needs good people now more than ever, and he's striking Adam as just that. To the point where he wants to encourage him more... had he had the words for it. 'Go for it' sounds too strange to say. So, instead, he's nodding along with an expression that seeks to tell the boy he resonates with his cause, that it's right. That he should do what he wants, especially if it's that.

Attentive eyes linger over the no-longer-nameless Daisuke's demeanor, taking his entire composition in with all of its fidgeting and eagerness. He has about him that same air Adam's brother used to exude when he'd wanted something from his dad. Adam never wanted anything from that man beyond more prolonged absence. But his brother, though older, poor fool, would pour those soulful eyes in what he'd hoped was tame enough anticipation to lure his father into caring. That is what he sees in this Diasuke Niwa, and of which he chooses to be inconsiderate in spite his instinctual deterrence from forming random bonds.

"Not much about me ta tell, kid." If lies had a mother, that would be the one. "I'm not as tough as ya might think, either, more like tired as all hell." That was some truth. His anger is fueled by exhaustion. Though it doesn't merit him one bit that that exhaustion is, in turn, fueled by its own heap of anger. A strange symbiotic relationship has managed to form between the two emotions over the years. He's just sort of grown to accept it.

"So, talk all ya like." He shrugs. "But, yeah. I'm only here for a couple 'o shoots. Should take me 'round two weeks max." He leans in a bit, as though letting the boy in on a huge secret. "Mostly cuz I charged the sucker by the hour. Gotta get as many in as I can, y'know?" A small smile, something between rigid and relaxed, before he leans back.

It makes him feel a bit strange, really. It's only settling in now, the slither of impact he's had on the kid, and it muddles his mind up in being so fundamentally opposed to who he believes himself to be. Though he supposes even scum can say the right thing once or twice. How he'd stumbled into it, he doesn't know, but he's decided not to undo his work by actually listening to what he'd read in the kid and opting, with every bit of him, to never be his father. "It's funny y'd offer that cuz I've been thinkin' o' takin' pictures for myself 'round these parts - get a grasp on 'em. A tour'd be neat 'f you've got the time."

the other's brow quirks , and daisuke's shoulder follows the motion --- lifting upwards a little both in a shrug and guard . it hadn't taken billions for him to realize that something had to have made him different . different-wrong . if not every student in the student body of the building , then even just the students in his class had stirred up enough rumor that his position felt inescapable . his own reputation was always in front of him , a stony blockade rather than any sort of mantle of accolade . sure , daisuke had never exactly been targeted , spared any horrific experiences of gofer jobbing or violence and abusive mockery he sometimes heard sick stories of , but in some ways , the acute , suffocating sensation that not a single person found him at all interesting or respectable made him feel even worse .

that was he was clumsy and stupid was common sense . students he couldn't even name and had never seen before subtly avoided him before his reputation could sully their own . he was nice , tolerable , but nice and tolerable only made him simple to endure rather than bond with . perpetually his life seemed to be pitying or belittling glances and stinging , careless remarks towards his incapability at best . at worst it was outright being ignored , because nobody ever had or would seem to choose him for anything , and it had only been a matter of time before he began to understand why . whether or not he kept his heart open just like adam was suggesting , what would he do if it turned out empty ? how much of his life would be waiting , just waiting for someone , anyone , to give him their own chance and to finally take a seat ?

a small push of pressure builds behind his eyes . he doesn't cry , even if he sort of wants to --- even if the tense and wince of his muscles must have been all too obvious on his face . it wasn't the fact he found himself next-to-hopeless , but the crushing loneliness of it all . a curse of its own coupled with a truer curse , because there was ; there would always be , dark . even so , an echo reaches him : some flaws are good , some keep you grounded , they keep you yourself all the same . the boy takes in a breath and then another . he nods , because he doesn't want to argue and it didn't feel like there was much more to say . admitting that he had been afraid of disappearing into the shadow of a second self was laughably absurd ; the comfort's here , anyways .

' however i wanted ... ' his head falls . lifts . his eyes meet the other's . it was like hypnotism . a mantra . whether he liked it or not , the fact was that dark had always carelessly tried to tell him the same : do whatever you want ! if only he knew what something as vague as that was supposed to be , too . ' i ... ' he hesitates --- hurriedly tosses in , ' my name is niwa daisuke . if i could , i'd like to do something like that too ... ' the only times that he had ever felt good about things like transforming or stealing had been when he felt a sense of purpose . when , despite the sin and relentless outside accusation , his heart still firmly believed a heist was still a necessity in order to save someone , or something . ' i've ... thought about it sometimes . maybe more than usual , lately . what my life would be like without --- um , my camera . but it always ends up the same . there's no way i'd still be myself without it , so i end up not really being able to imagine anything at all . i know that i like art ... '

his cheeks shyly flush . ' and i --- if i could , somehow , i'd like to be able to help people . it sounds like ... you're kind of saying the same . i'm not as tough as you or anything , but --- um , ' he fidgets , briefly unsure of how to phrase things . ' your advice --- it's really good . maybe it's dumb , but listening to you talk kind of makes me feel tougher . ' and then there was the rest : his curiosity , his longing , his bracing self-disappointment . all he wanted in the moment was to ask whether or not they would ever be able to have another conversation again . if they could be friends despite cultural , social , age , occupational , and who knew whatever else differences . really , he might have had better luck with a yakuza member than a fairly ordinary-seeming person with rugged advice and a job in photography . ' i'm sorry . i didn't mean to make any conversation all about me . um , what about you ? are you ... ' he's trying to be subtle . ' a-are you going to stay around here long ? if you're a tourist , i can show you around --- azumano's a good place for , um , whatever it is you're taking pictures of ... probably . ' --- nice sell .

[yumimak]

Anomaly- Chapter 5

Hi friends! I don't want to keep you from reading this chapter any longer than I already have by typing a big message up here, but please make sure you read the author's note at the end.

I hope the chapter is the worth the wait!! Enjoy :)

- - -

Y/n

I’m fucked.

Everything was going so fucking well and some how, some way, I ended up just as fucked as I was when I was back with the RDA.

“Fuck,” I grunt as I rest my back against the door of my room, the satisfying click it makes signifying that I was finally alone. I bury my face into my hands. Being alone finally lets all my emotions from the past few hours resurface. Like a surging rush of emotions that come all too fast, consuming every part of me until all I can do is cry.

It’s not a small cry like the one back in the clearing, no. It's a deep sob that escapes the back of my throat eliciting a painful sound I’d never imagine myself producing. I muffle the sound with my hand despite the way that my sobbing makes me shake and heave for a breath I couldn’t quite catch.

My crying releases me of the last bit of energy I had stored in my body. My back slides against the smooth metal door until my butt hits the ground. I pull my knees to my chest, holding myself until I’m so drained of tears that all I can do is heave shortened breaths.

It’s only then that I will myself off of the ground and to my bathroom. My actions all feel foreign as I take off my hair pieces and jewelry, as I shower and carefully wash my hair, as I dry off and pull on a baggy t-shirt and sweats. 

It’s like my expression of sadness has left me truly numb and empty. Well, until I turn off the main light of my room and I finally get to lay on my bed, encapsulating myself in my blanket. It’s then that the dark warmth of my sad blanket cocoon brings on another wave of sadness.

As my warm tears glide down my cheeks and unto my mattress I realize that this would be one of those nights of crying alone in my bed until the pain of exhaustion overrides the pain of sadness and I finally fall asleep. I’d experienced many nights like this back at the RDA, this past week led me to believe I’d left them back there.

I guess I was too quick to assume.

I continue to shed my seemingly endless amount of tears as I continuously think about everything that's happened today. The attack, the accusations, Jake’s words, and the painful trip to Mo’at simply topping it off.

Suddenly my cry sesh is interrupted when someone barrels through my door, “Bitch, you won’t believe what Lo’ak told me-” It’s Noah. “Y/n? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I mumble in my best attempt to sound normal.

“Yeah and I’m going to be the next Olo’eyktan,” he jokes, his voice approaching after he closes the door. “I know you better than you know yourself so don’t bother lying. I know a ‘sad blanket cocoon’ when I see one.”

I groan in annoyance as I pull the blanket down, the lamp beside my bed provides just enough light for Noah to see my battered face and teary eyes. His face portrays a weird mix of anger and sadness, “Oh, God. Who the hell- who did this to you?” he asks, his voice rough.

I shake my head, “It doesn’t matter.” I didn’t need for him to go out causing trouble for himself on behalf of the trouble I had just been put into. 

His anger forcibly leaves his face. He is left with that sad sympathetic look alone, his ears low and his lips turned into a frown. “Well, what happened?”

I somehow can’t figure out how to tell him. Too many thoughts mixing making me unable to find a starting point. In my inability to speak I feel my bottom lip poke out, more tears following it. Noah lets out a sigh, “Scoot over, crybaby.”

I oblige, scooting over in bed to allow room for my brother who took up way too much space in these human beds. Norm and Max hand put two of the mattresses against each other making it long enough for us to fit our legs but they still weren't that wide.

When he’s comfortably fit under the covers he pulls me into an embrace that I had not realized I needed. It’s strong and loving and makes me feel as though despite all odds, things might somehow end up okay. It isn’t until my tears have slowed once more and my breath is almost normal that Noah speaks again. “Try to start from the beginning. I know it had to have started with getting that sample from Norm so start there. What exactly started all of this?”

The attack.

My brain instantly clears recognizing the catalyst to the shitstorm I’d just experienced. That’s where I start in my long explanation of everything. Speaking about it clarifies the situation in my head enough for me to truly process it and all that it could mean. It leaves a pit in my lower stomach that I decide to ignore for the time being.

Like the amazing brother he is, Noah doesn’t interject. He doesn’t give an opinion or his advice because he understands that right now I just need to get it all out of my system, put it in the air and recognize the weight it puts in the atmosphere and allow it to linger until I eventually adapt.

There’s a moment of silence when I’m done speaking. A moment where we both rest in the weight of our surroundings. “Is- is there anything I could do?” Noah asks. “To help?”

I shake my head, almost breaking a smile at the kind gesture, “No, no, it’s okay. I will figure it out but until then I want you to keep going to training and giving your all. I don’t want whatever decision Jake makes to affect you too.”

He rolls his eyes at me, “If anything changes for you, it’s changing for me too. I wouldn’t abandon you like that.”

“I don’t think it’s considered ‘abandoning’ if I am the one telling you to do what’s safer for you.”

He scoffs out a laugh, “We really don’t have to get into the technicalities of this. If you go, or are not allowed in the clan, then so will I. There’s no talking me out of it.

“You are so aggravating,” I say finally letting out a small laugh.

He smiles at the gesture. “Says the one who thinks I am going to abandon her for a clan of people who don’t even like me. You will always be my priority, Y/n.”

His words burn as they enter my system. So genuine and meaningful, reminding me that through every bad thing I’d been through in my life, he was there. And as long as he had something to say it seemed it would always be this way. “I love you,” I mumble.

“I love you too. Now that’s enough of being sad. You will get better, I will keep going to training and everything will work itself out, okay?”

I nod, “Okay, except, please don’t talk to anyone about anything. Neteyam already knows but I’d rather not keep bringing it up. If anyone asks-”

“You are here healing and that’s all that matters,” he finishes for me, knowing I had not wanted any aspect of today venturing into a far bigger deal than it already was.

If that was even possible.

“Now enough of this conversation. I’m staying in here tonight and I think we should watch Gumball.”

I can’t fight the smile that freely smudges itself across my face, “I think we should too.” Noah reaches for my laptop on my nightstand. Opening it and pulling up the last file of the show I had watched last night.

Tv shows.

One of the very few miraculous things that humans had created. Growing up in the RDA, Noah and I had been very aware of videos. They were a way to capture a moment that you could replay but essentially, when you broke it down, it was just a bunch of pictures called ‘frames.’

I thought ‘videos’ were boring and I dreaded them. I had always associated them with a new training or a new order. But when I was fourteen and began getting closer to Norm, almost always looking forward to when I could sneak and speak with him, he somehow changed my feelings on videos.

Not only did he share the endless and breath-taking data he had on Pandora, which I found myself looking at almost every spare moment he could, but he also shared these different types of videos called ‘shows and movies.’

He told me they were videos that told stories. A lot of the scientists brought or got these video stories, or films as Max would say, to keep them entertained. Norm thought it was unfair for us to not have entertainment as well.  

He sent the films over one night, loads and loads of files that I stored onto a flash drive and uploaded to the laptop the RDA entrusted me with for research. Noah and I spent every night together watching as many of the films as we could until exhaustion got a hold of us.

Some of them were funny, some of them were sad. But our absolute favorite was actually a show Norm had downloaded for himself. It was a ‘cartoon’ called ‘The Amazing World of Gumball.’ Each of the videos tell a story of Gumball, a blue cat, and his life with his brother Darwin, who is a talking fish.

The storylines were so unbelievable and so impossible yet Noah and I became obsessed with them and since then continue to watch the show. When we were planning to escape we were scared that we would not be able to bring my laptop with all our favorite videos shared.

Since the RDA gave me the device I feared they would be able to track me with it. In the end though I realized how easy it was to deep dive into the internetworkings of a computer and simply disconnect any trace of the RDA. We knew Norm would have the recordings but something about this laptop, our Gumball laptop, made it too important to simply leave behind.

Said laptop is placed between Noah and I as the episode starts, the nostalgic opening sound heightening my mood as I drop my head to lean on Noah’s shoulder. “Wait,” I say, remembering something. “What did Lo’ak tell you?”

“Huh?” he mumbles, looking from the screen to me.

“When you came in here you said that Lo’ said something to you..”

“Oh yeah,” he says, letting out a laugh. “Apparently Spider is into you.” “What?”

“Mhmm,” he hums yet continues to laugh. “Lo’ak thinks it’s because you are the first girl who somewhat resembles his race.”

“Gross, Spider?” I groan.

“Hey, he’s not that bad. You know you love that blue paint and white boy dreads.”

I slap Noah’s arm for saying such mean words about our friend but it doesn’t keep me from belting out a laugh of my own, “You are unbearably stupid, Noah.”

- - -

Neteyam

Practice with Noah was great today, but I am confused.

Just yesterday his twin went through so many things but he seemed so unconcerned. At first I assumed she had not told him in embarrassment or shame, but when I asked how she was doing he seemed to know that she was injured.

Did she lie about what happened to make her injured? 

Or is she actually okay now and they aren’t concerned? 

Or, worse, what is she is distraught about it and doesn’t want anyone to know?

Oh Eywa, what if she was so distraught but didn’t even tell her brother and now she’s just sulking all alone in her room?!

“What’s on your mind, son?” 

“Hm?” I hum, looking over to my father. We were walking back from a late night hunt, the rest of the group split into the directions of their homes.

“You've been distracted today, in your own little world.”

“Yeah,” I agree, stopping.

He does the same, facing me, “What is it?” “Nothing, it's just- What you said yesterday.. Are you really rethinking your decisions about Y/n?”

“I- I don’t know. I have to protect the people, son. You know that.”

“Yes but I also know that Y/n would never do anything like that.”

“You may believe that but there was proof of her hurting them and none of them cutting her. The odds are not in her favor and if it comes down to new people versus old, I am obligated to believe Kumo.”

“What if I could prove that it wasn’t her fault? That she belongs here and Kumo is just a skxawng trying to keep her from our clan?”

There is a beat of pause, “Why do you care so much?” 

He’s assuming things, I can tell by the narrow of his eyes.

“Because,” I sigh. “I know them and I know that this is not something either of them would do, especially Y/n. I care so much because I am sick of Kumo getting away with getting people in trouble. He used to do it with Lo’ak and now he’s trying it with Y/n and I refuse to let it happen if there is anything I can do to stop it.”

My dad almost smiles at my words, not a humorous one but one of pride, “Fine. You have until she is better to bring me some type of proof that justifies her innocence. I trust your word I just- I can’t pick them over our people.” I have to physically keep myself from grinning, nodding instead, “Yes, yes I understand. Thank you, dad.”

He smiles, roughly patting my shoulder as a ‘you’re welcome’ before we move again heading back home. For the rest of the night though my brain churns, through dinner and keeping me up through the night.

Millions of thoughts all pertaining to one subject… proving Y/n’s innocence.

- - -

Y/n

One week.

Seven days.

168 hours.

10,080 minutes.

604,800 seconds.

More specifically; six days, 13 hours, 24 minutes, and about 35 seconds.

That’s how long I've been in my room.

My only visitor has been my brother, checking in on me or, on one occasion, bringing me ointment from Mo’at. A couple times he’d watch Gumball with me after his training but never for long because he’d be very tired from training.

I told him he didn’t have to worry about staying with me because I understand him being tired so, aside from his little check in’s, it’s just been me. In all honesty the free time was nice, I’d watch Gumball, play with my hair, or read. But as the week has progressed this anxious pit has permanently seemed to find its place in my stomach.

It’s fueled by all my subconscious thoughts and worries about whether or not Jake would change his mind about me. Or whether or not I'd get to finish my training, and if I did get to would I even be capable of catching up in time?

It took away my motivation to truly do anything. When I watched Gumball it felt like a chore, my attention focused on my worries and not the cartoon. Even doing my hair was a hassle, the only thing I could get myself to do was pull it in a low bun. 

Reading wasn’t that bad though. I’d have to focus on each word and letter leaving no space for my worries in those moments. In the past three days I've read seven books. Whether it was a science book or old novels the humans had brought, I’d engorge myself with the words all the same.

I was half finished with the book I had started last night when I decided to shower. I’d gotten dressed, back in bed, and back to my book by the time Noah got back. He dropped in to say a quick ‘hello’ before going to take a shower himself.

I go back to my book when there is a knock at my door. My ears peak at the sound. Noah never knocks, and Max and Norm gave up talking to me a while ago.

I sigh as I turn my book upside down on my night stand before stalking over to the door. I opened it just enough to see who was there. To my surprise I am met with a broad, blue chest. My eyes trail up to the face of the person, “Neteyam?”

“Hi,” he smiles.

“Hi?” I say, confused as to why he was here even as I open the door wider for him to enter. “What’re you doing here?” I ask, as I close the door.

“Well, Mo’at wanted me to check on your wound and I wanted to see how you were doing," he explains as I make my way around him, sitting on the edge of my bed.

“Oh? Well, I’m fine,” I tell him, not really wanting anyone to try to delve into the details of how I felt right now. I know the second someone tries I will break into a million pieces, each crying out to be picked up, cared for, and put back together again because Eywa knows I couldn’t do it myself.

“Oh okay,” he says, taking only a few steps closer before awkwardly asking, “Can I see your wound, please?”

“Yeah, of course,” I mumbled, realizing I was wearing a bigger t-shirt than normal which made it harder to see my side. I pull it up enough to expose the healing scar.

Neteyam moves much closer, kneeling before me. He inspects it, “It looks much better.” “Thank you.”

“Mhmm,” he hums before reaching into the small bag that was attached to his side. He pulls out a small container, “This is a new ointment that will help it heal all the way.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Mo’at made it so.. probably. But it absorbs so it's only a temporary burn.”

“Okay,” I huff, mentally preparing myself. The cream burns as he applies it over the partially healed skin that lined my stitches. When I wince he moves his hand to rest on my knee. His touch is gentle and comforting as his thumb mindlessly grazes the soft fabric of my pants.

It’s a specific touch that I remember from last week. One that constantly brought me peace even in one of the most horrible events of my life. I’d be a liar if I said I hadn’t thought back to his touches over the past week. The way that he held and caressed me with such care when I was hurt.

I’d been held before when I was hurt, only by my brother though. But something about Neteyams touch was different in a way that I couldn’t quite decipher.

All I knew was that for some reason I crave to have that touch more and more.

When he’s done applying the ointment on my side he rises. His hand moves from my knee to my chin, holding my face up so that he could apply more ointment to the gash on my temple. 

I watch him as he works. The way he focuses so hard on the task at hand; his eyes trained on the gash, his brows furrowed, his lips tilted into a small frown, and his ears pulled back.

This very moment brings me back to last week. His gentle touch, his little jokes to lighten the mood, the way he simply cared for me.

Just as it’s been for the last two weeks, the memory is comforting before more memories eat away at that comfort. Memories of those boys' actions, Jake’s words. The way that I truly don’t know what’s going to happen to me after my accusation. The way that my last time in the forest I’ve come to love could have been one that involved me being attacked.

Just like that, this comforting moment is ruined. That pit in my stomach returns, making the back of my eyes and throat burn. I direct my attention from Neteyam’s face to the ceiling, finding the bright glow of the light to be a better focal point.

I can’t break down in front of him, that’s the last thing I need.

Just a couple more minutes and he’ll be gone.

I repeat those words in my head as he finishes applying for the ointment. “All done,” he says.

“Thank you,” I reply, finally looking away from the light, blinking in an effort to get the afterimage of its glow to fade faster.

“You are welcome,” he mumbles, as he returns the ointment to his pouch. “How are you aside from your wounds?” he asked. The pit in my stomach burns, I feel tears prickle at my eyes at the one question I had hoped he wouldn’t ask floods the room. I blink away the tears but he had unfortunately noticed. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

If this idiot doesn’t stop questioning me I swear he will be the next person I punch.

“Nothing,” I answer quickly, as I stand and walk aimlessly towards my dresser. I busied myself with moving stuff around to distract myself from the overwhelming urge to cry. “I’m fine. How are you?”

“I’m okay..” he responds uneasily. “But how I am does not matter right now. I asked about you.”

“And I said I am fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! What makes you think I’m not?” I grunt.

“You’ve been locked in this lab for days, I could have sworn you were about to cry, and when I ask if you are okay you pretend to be reorganizing your belongings.”

I roll my eyes, “I am not pretending,” I say, moving a picture of Noah and I from the left side of my dresser to the right before moving it back to the left. He lets out an annoyed hiss from behind me, obviously noticing my actions and hating the way I lied. “Why do you even care?” I ask lowly, blinking away the few tears that threatened to fall again.

“Because I care about you, Y/n. And I saw what happened to you, and I heard what my father said and I refuse to believe you are just ‘fine.’ And I know you and Noah have hardly been talking about it and I’m worried about you. So are Tuk and Kiri, and Spider and Lo’ak. We all care so much and I personally refuse to let you be here alone and sad. So please, talk to me.”

His words poke and prod at my resolve, slowly breaking it and allowing tears to fall from my eyes. I bite at my bottom lip, holding back a sob I refused to release. My hands have given up on pretending to be busy, now finding them covering my face. “I don’t want to,” I say, the words muffling into my palms.

I’m so busy trying not to cry that I don't notice he’s approached me until I feel his hands land on the sides of my arms. He does that stupid thing with his thumb where he gently rubs it against my skin, a simple touch that somehow calms me while further destroying my efforts of staying strong. “Why not?” he asks, and I am certain he knows what he’s doing to me.

“Because I’m scared,” I sniffled, dropping my hands to pull at my fingers.

He sighs again before using my arms to turn me to face him. I kept fidgeting with my hands, the last thing I wanted to do was look him in the face. That doesn’t matter though because he does that other stupid thing where he holds my face and forces me to crane my head up and look at him. 

I blink through my tears in an attempt to actually see him. I pick up on the way his eyes soften before following my running tears. His mouth falls into another one of his little frowns, “What are you scared of, sevin?”

I don’t bother myself with asking for the meaning of the unknown na’vi word. “I don’t know,” I mumble, eyes falling to look at the way his braids laid over his shoulders, preferring the sight of that over seeing the way he looked down at me. “I- I just  don’t really understand what went wrong. I don’t understand why those boys hurt me, or why your dad doesn’t believe I wouldn’t do anything like that. And i’m- I'm scared that he will decide I’m better off at the lab or back with the RDA then here. And I worry that Jake’s impression of me will reflect onto my brother and then he will punish him too. And as much as I hate the RDA I would be okay going back. I just couldn’t live with myself if I was the reason Noah had to go back too because he doesn’t deserve that at all. And I'm really scared that even if nothing happens with Jake, I won’t be able to catch up with my training and none of this will even matter.”

I took a deep inhale realizing that in my word vomit I'd began sobbing exactly how I had not wanted to. I let my hands cover my face again, a strained sob escaping my lips before I hold my breath in a poor attempt to stop crying before I continue, “And I am embarrassed that I am crying right now, especially in front of you, because I am also scared that maybe I am not even strong enough to be one of the people, emotionally or physically. I’m scared I’m just not fit for the clan.”

My final confession makes me cry harder into my hands. So hard that I feel nauseous and my body feels the urge to ball up like the little baby I was acting like. “Shhh,” Neteyam says, his voice ever so gentle. “C’mere,” he mumbles, one hand pulling my head to his chest and the other wrapping around my body in a strong embrace.

I don’t hesitate to embrace him back, my arms wrapping tightly around his waist as if he was the only thing keeping me from getting lost in my own anxious thoughts. I genuinely believe he was as I practically tremble in his arms, struggling to simply catch my breath. His muscular form almost consumes my entire figure surrounding me with his warmth and comforting scent. One of his hands ran along the side of my hair as his deep accented voice assured me that everything was okay.

My ear against his chest picks up on the steady sound of his heartbeat. I close my eyes and focus on that steady sound and the way I could feel its rhythm against the side of my head. He continues to hold me even as my sobs turn into smaller cries until I’m sniffling in his arms, taking deep breaths in an attempt to regulate my breathing and slow my heart.

In the wake of my anxiety attack my brain is foggy and I am exhausted. I dread the idea of pulling away from his comforting hold, a big part of me wishing I could stay here forever. Luckily he doesn’t pull away from me, not until I do although he still holds me close. 

He doesn’t force a conversation, but his hand comes to wipe away the remnants of tears on my face. “I’m sorry,” I mumble, my energy to speak any louder being completely drained.

“You need to stop apologizing for being upset. Everyone gets upset, Y/n.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

A deep chuckle comes from his lips, “What are you apologizing for now?”

“I don’t even know,” I answer truthfully, letting my body weight fall forward as I hug him again. His arms instantly wrap back around me. “Thank you, Nete,” I mumbled against him, not even wanting to imagine how bad my breakdown would have been if it had happened while I was alone.

He responds with a deep hum as his hand gently rubs my back, “Feel any better?”

I shrug, “Not really.. Maybe a little. I think I needed to cry. Thanks for being here.” “You don’t have to keep thanking me, either,” he laughs again as I pull away from the hug just enough to look up at him.

“I know, but I feel like I should. You’ve helped me so much.. I don’t even think I have a big enough vocabulary in either English or Na’vi to express how grateful I am.”

“Well I’ll always be here,” he tells me. “You don’t have to be embarrassed about your emotions or what you say to me because at the end of the day I am here to help you. You just have to speak to me.”

I nod, “Okay.. Okay I will try. Just.. maybe not anymore tonight. I’m sorry I just-”

Another one of his laughs cut me off. The sound was so perfect I didn't even mind that he interrupted my sentence, “Stop apologizing. You are under no obligation to tell me anything, ever.. at any point. Eywa, you are stressing so much. You need to get out of this room.”

I roll my eyes, “You’re telling me. It’s so bad even my recent dreams are centered around being in the lab.”

His face shifts into an expression that tells me he’s considering something, “Would you like to get out?”

I nod, “Would love to.”

“Well why don’t we go for a walk?”

“Now?!” I question, my brows furrowing at his question. “But it’s like.. past eclipse by now.”

He shrugs, “It will be safe, you will be with me. Plus we won’t even go that far. It will be fun.”

I take a moment to think through his offer although, deep down, I knew I would say yes. “Okay then. I guess we can go,” I answer sarcastically. “Just let me change.”

“Okay,” he says, detaching himself from me. “I will wait outside.”

I nod in agreement, watching him exit my room before I am practically rushing to change. 

I pull on black cargoes as usual but instead of my tank top I pull on a long sleeved top. It was on the tighter side to keep my arms from getting caught on the flora but it kept my healing scars covered. I fix my low but to look a little less messy and then I am pulling on my boots before I am rushing out the door to meet Neteyam.

I must admit there is a pep in my step I haven’t had in days. I can’t quite decipher if it was because I was getting to leave the lab for a while.. or if it was because of the boy I was getting to leave with.

- - -

Neteyam

Tonight is calm.

The wind is subtle, the sounds of nature are soothing, and the glow of the forest is bright as always.

I’d been worried about Y/n for a while. I spent the last view days trying to convince myself that I was overthinking, that she was fine. That I needed to just worry about figuring out how to prove to my father that she was innocent and belonged. That I didn't need to check on her myself, that if anything was too bad Noah would have told me.

I reached my breaking point today when I cut to the chase and asked Noah about his sister. He shrugged off my response, telling me she was fine. But with the way his ears twitched lower I couldn’t believe him, I had to come see myself. And after what I’d just witness, I’m glad I came.

The poor girl was on the brink of a breakdown even before I began questioning her. Being in this lab was no good for her so, despite it being past the eclipse, I was going to take her on a much needed walk.

The door to the lab screeches as it opens drawing my attention to the Y/n as she emerges. She’d changed into different clothes that matched the Y/n I was used to seeing, not the sad girl I had previously held in my arms. “I’m ready,” she says, walking towards me.

I can’t help but smile when I notice her more relieved expression. “C’mon,” I tell her, nodding towards the forest behind me.

She shuffles to my side as we walk. The walk is quiet, too quiet. So quiet that I am concerned that she’d been sad about something again. But when I look over to her, her attention is on everything around us; the glowing trees, the hyperactive plants. 

Her jaw hangs slightly and her eyes are wide as if she had never seen the forest before. I missed that expression she’d wear whenever she walked around the forest. The way she was so infatuated with the world I grew up around. 

The sound of running water tells me we’re close to our final destination. “This way,” I tell her, guiding her in that direction.

She follows until we reach the thick section of leaves that hang before us. My arm moves them out of the way for the two of us to walk through. “Wow,” she gasps, stopping in her tracks.

I stopped as well watching as she took in the spot I’d brought her to. A small section of the forest that was cut out by surrounding trees and other plants with a small section of a river that ran through. From what I know, nobody knew about it but me. It was my only place of peace. “Za’u,” I say, holding my hand out. (Come.)

She grabs my hand, following me as I guide her towards the river side only speaking when I stop to sit beside the river between two large rocks. She mimics my actions, sitting beside me and crossing her legs, “What is this place?”

I am too focused on watching the way my thumb ran over the smooth knuckles of her tiny hand to even realize she had said something.

Were her hands always this soft?

“Neteyam?” she says, her hand twitching in mine to get my attention.

“Hm?” I hum, finally looking up to her.

There is a small smile on her face when she questions me again, “Where are we?”

“Oh, I’m not really sure,” I mumble, looking around before my eyes land back on her. “I found it a couple years ago. Nobody really knows about it so it’s where I come when I need to be alone.” Her mouth turns into a frown, “What’s wrong?”

“I feel bad, like I'm invading your peaceful spot.”

A small laugh escapes my lips, “I purposefully brought you here, sevin. Don’t worry, you probably need the peace more than I do. And if anyone had to know about my spot I’d want it to be you.”

“Why’s that?”

“I love my family but they have a lot of expectations, I can never fully relax around them. But I don’t ever feel like that around you though.”

Y/n’s face warms to a shade of red I haven't seen in a while. “You’re comfy around me?”

“Comfortable?” I question, seeing if the foreign word she used was associated with another similar word I knew.

She smiles, “Yeah, comfortable.”

I nod, “Yeah, I am comfy around you.”

The word falls oddly from my mouth in a way that makes Y/n giggle, “I’m comfy around you too, Nete.”

I can’t describe it but her words make my chest and face burn. They make a feeling I can’t quite describe surge through my body. It makes me want to hear her tell me more about how I make her feel, makes me want to hold more than just her hand at this moment.

I don’t quite understand why I felt like this, but I had to distract myself from it before I did or say something that I shouldn’t. “Um- plus, I wanted to show you this,” I say, letting go of her hand and dipping mine into the river. The second my hand makes contact with the water the parts that rush against it glow a bright blue. Y/n gasps, amazed just as I assumed she’d be.

She sticks both her hands in the water, watching as the rushing water turns blue at her contact. I decide to talk to her about it, maybe I’d appeal to her interest in Pandora, maybe I’d impress her, “The scientists told me that it’s called-”

“Bioluminescent algae?”

“Yeah,” I smile. “It’s really rare to see in the forest so I thought you would find it interesting.”

“This is so cool,” she mumbles, her focus more on the algae than my words. I didn’t mind much though, I honestly found it almost adorable how she ran her hands through the water, how a smile strained at her face, and her eyes stayed trained on the water.

“You can swim in it if you want to,” I tell her, drawing her attention back to me. “It makes your skin look like it's glowing, it’s cool.”

An expression mixed with excitement and defeat crosses he features, “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

Her ears lower as she looks back down at the water, “It’s embarrassing. You will make fun of me.”

I roll my eyes, “You know I would never do that. C’mon tell me.”

She rolls her eyes herself before mumbling, “I can’t swim.”

“Huh?”

“I can’t swim!”

A small laugh slips my lips, “Seriously?”

Her bottom lip pokes out in a pout, “Hey, you said you wouldn’t make fun of me!”

I bit my bottom lip keeping myself from smiling, “I’m not making fun of you I just.. am surprised. How old are you again?”

She rolls her eyes at me before speaking in a mocking tone, “Ha ha.”

I laugh at her childish behavior, “I mean like why not?”

“Well I grew up in a lab, swimming lessons weren’t on the list of important topics.”

“Ohhh that makes sense.. if thats why then you shouldn’t be embarrassed.”

“Well I am,” she huffs.

Another small laugh escapes my lips, “Don’t worry I will teach you.” She smiles for a moment before it slightly falters and her attention is back on the water. “What is it?” I ask, noticing her change in emotion.

“Do you actually think I will get to stay here for you to be able to teach me?”

“Y/n,” I sigh, reaching to hold her hand again. My hold brings her attention back to me, her eyes glassy again. “You need to stop worrying about this.”

Her bottom lip pokes out again, “But if your dad says I can’t stay then you won’t be able to teach me how to swim. And- and you won’t be my friend anymore and I-”

“Shhh,” I stop her before she can get too carried away with her overthinking. “You aren’t going anywhere, Y/n.”

“How do you know that?” she asks, bringing her other hand out of the water to wipe away her single tear that had fallen despite smudging more water across her cheek.

“Remember when you first visited the village? When you had to go speak with my grandmother?”

“Mhmm,” she hums, nodding her head.

“Well, as Tsahik, my grandmother speaks the will of Eywa herself. She would not have said yes to your request had Eywa been against it.”

“But it’s not Mo’at or Eywa that I am worried about.. it’s your dad.”

I squeeze her hand and sigh, not exactly knowing how to comfort her. “My dad can’t reject the will of Eywa, whatever she has planned will happen. So don’t worry about what my father says, okay?”

“But what if it’s in Eywa’s will for me to not stay here longer than I have. What if this is only temporary and she wants me to go back to the RDA?”

“Then we will deal with that then, okay? As of now my father is giving me the chance to prove you are innocent in this entire situation.”

Her ears peak, “He is? How come?”

“Because I know you didn’t do anything wrong. And I’m not letting anything happen to you or your brother, not as long as I’m around and have a say. I promise you that.”

Her reaction is unexpected. After seeing her pretty warm smile I had expected a simple ‘thank you.’ Half of any of my thoughts cut off when the girl throws herself against me in a hug. I am quick to catch her, my arms wrapping around her waist as hers wrap around my neck. 

She holds me tightly, her head buried so far against my neck that I can feel the smile her lips form against my skin. She moves her face back just enough to mumble out a ‘thank you’ before it rests against me again.

“You’re welcome,” I told her, my head leaning on her shoulder. This hug was different than the last, she wasn't clinging to me in sadness, no this was joy. Joy that’s so grand that I feel it seep from her skin, penetrating my emotions until I can’t help but feel joyful as well.

I squeeze her in my arms, my head mindlessly moving closer to her neck similarly to how she had. The action consumes my senses with an intoxicating smell that I connected to her. A sweet smell I had not encountered since that day I carried her back to the village, one that I crave to smell more.

Luckily for me the girl didn’t seem to have any intention of moving soon, so I pulled her the smallest bit closer, basking in her touch, the way she rested against me, and her smell. I close my eyes in content, this moment is perfect, one I never wanted to leave and would certainly think about later.

What is it about this girl that makes me want to stay in her presence forever?

Our hug lasted longer than the last, so long that I began to think that exhaustion from her breakdown had lulled her to sleep in my arms. Much to my momentary disappointment, the hug does eventually end when a glow of light from behind my closed eyes annoys me until I am forced to open my eyes. The sight is enough to make a slight gasp escape my lips.

One atokirina. It floats before my eyes, close to Y/n’s shoulder. I move my face back from off her shoulder despite the way that Y/n’s head still leans against me. In the absence of my head the atokirina lands on her shoulder.

I gently shake her arm, “Y/n.. Y/n look.”

“Hm?” she hums, finally pulling her head away from my shoulder to look up at me. A hand comes up to rub her eye, maybe she really had fallen asleep.

“Your shoulder,” I whisper. “Look.”

She does what I say, looking at her shoulder before her jaw instantly drops, “Woah.”

“It’s an atokirina.”

She looks up at me and I think she is going to ask me something but a rustling in the trees distract us. We both turn towards the sound, anticipating an animal or maybe even a person, but instead we are met with a bunch of atokirina gently falling from trees.

Totally amazed by the sight before her, Y/n pulls away from me. I can’t help but watch as she makes her way to the center of the clearing, her head tilted up as she watches the atokirina fall towards her.

The moment they begin to land on her a soft giggle escapes her mouth as she turns to me. I can’t help but smile back as I stand and make my way over to her.

Though I stand before her only a few atokirina land on me unlike Y/n whose body is almost completely covered in the glowing forms. I reach up and let one of the woodsprites land on my hand before bringing it to Y/n’s face. 

I watch carefully as the atokirina hops from my hand onto her face. It makes her giggle again. “That tickles,” she whispers as the woodsprite moves softly against her cheek. My mind bursts with understanding as more atokirina land on her face. At this very moment Eywa was confirming the fact that Y/n did in fact belong here whether she believed it or not.

I am pulled out of my thoughts when one more atokirina lands on the last open space on her, her nose. She sneezes and they all float off of her at once. She gasps, hand covering her mouth as they begin floating away, “Oh no, I didn’t mean to scare them.”

“It’s okay,” I laugh, unable to keep myself from smiling as she watches the woodsprites float away. “Do you know what that means?”

She looks back to me, shaking her head, “No.”

“Sit with me,” I say, dropping to sit in the middle of the clearing. She sits in front of me, so close that our knees press up against each other. “You know how  Eywa is connected to every living thing right?”

She nods, “And the energy keeping everything is only borrowed from her until death.”

“Right, well the atokirina are a bit different. They are like little pieces of Eywa herself moving as Eywa would.”

Her brows furrowed in confusion, “I don’t understand what this has to do with anything, Nete.”

I sigh thinking of a more specific way to phrase my words, “They reflect Eywa’s will. The atokirina landed on you. You belong, Y/n. Eywa just showed you that you have nothing to fear.”

A warm smile covers her face, “Really?”

I nod, “Yes, really. When I was young my mother told me of the time where the atokirina stopped her from killing my father back when she saw him as nothing more than a dream walker. They even covered him like they just did you!”

She lets out a small laugh, “You’re very excited about this.”

“I am! I’ve seen the atokirina move before but never in a way like this. The last time Eywa moved like that on behalf of someone who was not Na’vi the person became Toruk Makto and Olo’eyktan!”

“Alright now,” she says, a hand landing on my knee. “I am not going to be anything as grand as either of those names. But if what you are saying is true then I believe you.”

“So you will stop worrying so much?”

“I will try.. but I make no promises.”

“Good,” I smile before looking up. The sight of the sky brings something to mind. “I almost forgot,” I say looking back at her.

“What?”

“This clearing gives the perfect view of the stars at night,” I say pointing up.

She looks up, eyes shining from the light of the trees. “Woah,” she mumbles. I move to lay down on the ground, looking up at the sky. Y/n looks back down at me, “What are you doing?”

“Looking at the stars. It’s nice, lay with me.”

“Okay,” she says, moving to lay just a foot away from me. We both look upwards at the sky. It’s another quiet moment but it isn’t awkward, it’s comfy.

For a second there I began to believe it was so quiet because she had fallen asleep again. I turn my head against the grass to see but I don’t find her eyes closed from sleep, no. They are wide open, eyes seemingly darting from star to star as if she was trying to remember where each of them were placed.

My eyes trail to study her side profile; her long lashes, the perfect slope of her nose, the way her lips had a slight pout to them. The freckled designs on her skin take my attention next. I admire her unique designs, the way that she was the only person to have those specific marks although Noahs were very similar.

I found it interesting how they were brown and never glowed, but now that I see her in the dark of night I know that is not fully true. There’s a few of them that glow like mine, so little that if I took the time I could count them.

Part of me wanted to, wanted to count all the glowing marks on her face, and when I had that number memorized I’d count the ones on the rest of her body. I wanted to know the exact number, to kiss and trace her soft skin as I counted each spot so that I could remember it forever. 

She’d become so smitten with me recently, maybe she’d let me. Let me see her complete beauty, undiminished by her human clothes or any coverings at all. 

But that’d be too much to ask. Because even if she said yes, and I could have her, she’d be the only one I’d ever want. I’ve no clue where my infatuation with her began. Maybe it was her smell that’d got me hitched, it called me to her like an insect to pollen. Or maybe it started that first day I met her, when I saw that perfect smile.

I assume I will never truly know where or when it started, but I do know that as future Olo’eyktan I could not have her. At the end of the day, feelings set aside, I would have to be a leader someday. I’d need a Tsahik by my side. Y/n was learning how to climb through trees just two weeks ago and she isn’t even a part of the clan yet. To even dream of her possibly filling that spot would be wrong.

So as much as it made me want to gag and puke, I swallowed that truth. I would not have her because I know that’d I’d want to be the only one that ever could. I wouldn't want anyone else to know that special number of spots, or all the little things she loved. Whether anyone would realize it or not she’d be mine.

I couldn’t have that but I wouldn’t totally separate myself from her though, Eywa knows I couldn’t. Not now.

The past week she’s all I’ve thought about; memories of our momentary touches, her laugh, and her smell clouding my head until I broke and went to the lab, something I rarely do voluntarily. The only thing that stopped the thoughts was being in her room which smelt intoxicatingly like her, holding her in my arms over and over, and this moment right here, her laying on the grass in the dead of night beside me in the one place I vowed to never bring anyone.

I always thought that nothing could make this place more soothing, but having Y/n here has proved me wrong in so many ways. Being around her felt like an escape from all my worries, even when I was helping her with hers. Because although she thinks I am helping her, which I am, what she doesn’t realize is she’s simultaneously helping me too. 

That’s the reason why I will keep running back to her until the day that I am officially promised to another. I’ll keep holding her, and laughing with her. I’d share every part of me that I could because even though I know she can’t be mine, I fear I may already be hers

I turn my head back up to the night sky, pointing up to one of the brighter stars, “You see that star right there?”

“Mhmm,” she hums.

“That is where my dad came from.”

“Really?” she asks, her voice like a gentle song.

“Yeah, Norm told me it'd take 4.37 light years to get here from there. I don’t really understand how they travel with light, especially with all the machines they bring.” Y/n lets out a giggle, a sound that is so small but makes me turn my head to her again, “What?”

“They aren’t traveling with light,” she says, glimpsing at me before looking back up at the sky. “It’s just a measure of time since light moves so fast.”

“How fast?”

“About 186,000 miles per second. A light year is just a measure of how long it would take light to get somewhere when compared to the length of an Earth year.”

“365 days?” I recall, remembering some of the very few things I’d learned about Earth.

“Yeah, that’s right,” she smiles. “In the span of that many days light is able to travel almost 6 trillion miles. So they use that number to simplify how long it actually takes to get somewhere so far away. From Earth to here is like 26,000,000,000,000 miles away which means it would take thousands of years but with light years you can just say about four years even though it's much more.”

“You know a lot about this stuff.”

She nods, turning to face me, resting her head on her arm, “Learning was one of my hobbies for a while. I hyper focused on learning as much as I could because I had a feeling it’d be important someday even though I thought I’d never leave that lab. Now it kinda feels like useless information.”

“It’s not useless, there will be a use for it some day I’m sure. Was learning and jewelry-making your only hobby?”

“No, I had other sporadic hobbies that I would get over. A consistent one was watching this show that Norm sent Noah and I a file of, we still watch it together.”

“What is a show?”

“Um, do you know what just a plain video is?”

“Yeah?”

“Well a show is basically just a video but with plot.. like a story being told with a video. It’s pretty cool you should watch it with me someday.. if you want to of course.”

I smile at her uncertainty, “I would love to. Sounds interesting.”

She smiles back before turning to look up at the stars again, “Is star-gazing your hobby?”

“Yeah,” I say, turning to look at the stars as well. “I have a couple others but this is probably the most relaxing one.”

“I agree,” she yawns.

We fall into another long moment of silence. After a while though, it’s too silent. I look over and this time, instead of finding her gazing up at the stars, her eyes are closed and her face is tilted to the side as she sleeps.

She looks so peaceful, so unbothered by all the things going wrong in her life. It seems to be such a rare state for her to be in. I almost don’t have the heart to wake her up, but I’d prefer she sleep under her fluffy cloths I saw in her room than on the floor of the forest tonight.

“Y/n?” I say.

“Hmm?” she hums, turning her head fully against the grass and curling herself up towards me.

“I think we should walk back to the lab, okay?”

“Okay,” she mumbles, but she doesn’t move. She stays there, sleeping on the grass.

I laugh at her refusal to get up, gently shaking her with a hand on her waist. “Y/n.”

“Whaaat?” she grumbles, eyes flickering up to me.

“I’m gonna walk you back to the lab, c’mon.”

“Okay,” she mumbles again, but this time she stands with me.

The walk to the lab is just as nice as the walk to the spot, although a part of me feels bittersweet from the thought of having to be without her again. I walk her up the stairs of the lab, standing at the bottom as I watch her climb them. 

She turns back to me from the top platform. “Did you have fun?” I ask.

“Yes,” she smiles. “I really needed to get out and I almost forgot how fun you were to be around, so thank you.”

“Of course, anytime. You’re fun to be around too.” She smiles, before turning to open the door, but she freezes. “What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Nothing,” she answers, turning back to me. “Did you maybe want to watch that show thing I told you about with me?”

“Right now?”

Her face turns red as her eyes wander to the trees, “I mean yea, if you want to.. if not then-”

“Sure.”

Her eyes snap back to me, “Wait really?”

“Yeah,” I laugh.

“Oh okay,” she says, turning back to open the door. “C’mon.” I follow her through the lab all the way to her room. She closes the door behind her before moving to one of the pieces of furniture that holds clothes, “I’m going to change, you can lay on my bed if you want.”

“Okay,” I say as she walks over to another door in her room, entering the smaller room and closing the door behind her.

My gaze moves to her bed. The long surface is covered in cloths and fluffy things at the top. Spider had spoken to me about beds before, telling us that they were comfortable but of course making sure to emphasize the point that he loved the surfaces the na’vi slept on.

I question the unknown surface that I was expected to lay on. I start with pressing a knee onto the surface, surprised by how it sinks into the material. I move my hands to push against it watching how they sink into the seemingly solid material.

I crawl the rest of my way onto the bed, plopping myself down. I am amazed with the way it seems to support me, with the way the cloths are so soft, and of course how all of it smelled of Y/n. 

I moved to lay myself at the top of the bed, surprised that this thing could fit my entire height. I lay my head on one of the fluffy things at the top of the bed amazed by how it supports my head like the bed but was so soft. I grab the other fluffy thing beside me and hold it over my face, burying myself in the soft warmth of it.

A gentle laugh fills the air, “What the hell are you doing?”

I pull the thing away from my face and turn to look at Y/n who is laughing to herself, “What is this thing?”

She walks over to the bed, grabbing a rectangular device from the table beside it before crawling onto the bed herself, “My pillow?”

“I love your pillow,” I tell her, burying my face into it again.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, it’s so soft and it smells like you,” I tell her, somehow she understands me despite the pillow

“What do I smell like?”

“Good.”

“Thanks,” she laughs. “Now can I get my pillow back?”

“Mhmm,” I hum into the pillow, before passing it over to her. She maneuvers it behind her, leaning her back against it.  I follow her action, sitting up to lean against the pillow behind me. She places the rectangle she had grabbed on her lap, “What’s that?” I ask.

“My laptop,” she tells me.

“What does it do?”

“It’s like one of those big computers Norm and Max have but,” she places it on my lap, “it goes on your lap. It’s what Noah and I watch our show on.”

“Ohhhh,” I say, tapping the top of it. “How does it work?”

She leans over and opens the top of it, “Like this.” The screen glows and a circle swirls in the center of the screen until Y/n moves the laptop in view of her face. Only then does it seem to give her access. She taps around before turning the laptop more to face me again, “We’re going to start on the first episode.”

“Okay?” I say, not even understanding what an episode was.

Y/n rolls over and pulls a string on the light beside her bed, leaving us in the dark except for the light of the screen. She taps a button and leans on my shoulder as the screen begins playing a tune and showing bright colored  beings that look so unrealistic. 

When the song ends the first thing that pops up is a blue being with ears like mine, it’s talking to orange fish with legs. “What the hell is this?” I ask her. “Is that blue thing mocking me?”

“What?” she says, tapping something on the device to make the show stop before looking up at me. I look down at her, folding my ears against my head, that seems to make her realize. “Oh god,” she says before busting out in laughter.

“Are you mocking me now too? This isn’t funny, Y/n.”

“No, no I’m not,” she says, although she keeps laughing. “He’s supposed to be a cat!!”

“A what?”

Y/n deeply inhales, composing herself before speaking again, “A cat is an animal from Earth, and this show was made long before humans learned about Pandora.”

“So this is not a mockery?”

“No,” she giggles. “Just a coincidence. Now, can we watch the show?”

“I guess,” I huff sarcastically. She smiles before playing the show again and dropping her head back to rest perfectly on my shoulder.

The show is pretty entertaining even though I struggle to understand half of what the odd looking characters are speaking about. I watched about five parts of the show before I realized that the girl resting on my shoulder had dozed off again.

I try to gently move her from off me with the full intention of leaving without disturbing her rest. My attempts fail though when the second I try to move her she stirs just enough to mumble out a ‘no.’

“What was that?” I ask, hands hovering over where they had just touched her.

“Please stay,” she practically whines in her sleepy state. Her words are enough to make my heart melt, but when her arms maneuver their way around my torso I feel all my insides melt.

“Are you sure?”

“Mhm,” she hums, head pushing against my arm. I take the gesture as a silent request for me to move my arm. I lift it, placing it behind her as her head finds a new resting place against my chest. “Please? ‘m comfy,” she mumbles again, barely fighting sleep just to hear my response.

“Okay,” I answer, bringing a hand up to push a few of her stray hairs away from her pretty face. “I will stay.”

I am able to spot the smallest sleepy grin that appears on her face before her soft voice elicits a small, “Yay.”

She’s quick to fall back asleep but I find it hard to feel the tiniest bit tired. Not because I had not wanted to sleep, but because of how hyperaware I am of the situation I've found myself in. 

I try to focus on the show that is still playing, seeing as I didn’t fully understand how to turn it off, but I am too distracted by the way that Y/n’s arms rest around me, or the way that her head would occasionally nuzzle further against my chest. I could feel and even hear the gentle rise and fall of her breathing against me.

I am surrounded by her; her touch, her smell, and her soft sounds. I disregard watching the show, opting to add the sight of her to my list. She looked so perfectly peaceful in this moment, thick lashes resting against her uniquely colored cheeks, her plump lips just barely parted.

I can’t stop the feeling of desire that rushes through me, I want to stay in this moment, or any of the other amazing moments I heard with her today, forever.

Realization is the next feeling that runs through me. The realization that maybe I was getting too attached to these moments, to this girl. The thought that should scare me, that I should avoid,  warms my body and quickens my heart rhythm to the point that I am surprised the loud thumping had not awoken her.

I am distracted from my realization as a soft hand trails up my torso, landing to press on my chest. “Y’okay, Nete? Heart’s fast..” she slurs and I feel bad for keeping her from resting for the third time today.

“Yes, I’m fine,” I reassure her, moving her hand to wrap around me instead of pressing against me in a way that felt almost too intimate. “Just go back to sleep.”

“Mmmk,” she hums, arm tightening back around me on their own as she falls back asleep.

As Y/n rests in my arms I can’t help but wonder how she would react if she knew that the very heart that had just woken her up was beating at the simple thought of her. Would she pursue that desire? Or would it scare her away from me?

It of course wouldn’t matter, I could never have her because I had a duty to fill. I was going to be Olo’eyktan and I would need to find a Tsahik so I could not pursue Y/n no matter how much I wanted to.

I constantly remind myself of this fact but for some reason I just can’t seem to care that much. For the first time in my life I have something to be selfish about and I can’t seem to make myself feel bad about it.

I’ve spent my entire life giving up what I wanted but in this moment, as I finally come to terms with the growing feelings I have for the girl in my arms, I decide that if I would ever ensure I got what I wanted.. I would get Y/n.

- - -

A/N: Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I am sorry it took so long for me to update. A mix of school and personal life just got really stressful and I didn't have much time to write anything worth posting. I appreciate everyone who is intrested in my story but I don't think I will be able to post as frequently as I tried to in the begining. I started trying to post weekly but it began to feel like a chore and took the fun out of it and the product of that was really shitty writing. So, even though I will definetly try to avoid not posing for an entire month, my posting won't be scheduled. BUT I DEFINETLY WILL AVOID NOT POSTING FOR A WHOLE MONTH BECAUSE WHAT?! Anyway I hope you enjoyed the story and I promise I will try to post soon! - Mak <3

Taglist:

(A special thanks to you guys for your support <3)

@cleverzonkwombatsludge @peachycrime @jackiehollanderr @fanboyluvr @killua2dot0 @neteyamsbabymomma @lovedbychoi @aihimitsu @ken-zah @ghostmadeofglass @alfie2401 @awow-2

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

It's You | Steve Harrington

✦ pairing — Steve Harrington x afab!gender neutral!Plus Size Reader

✦ word count — 4.9k

✦ request — Can I please request plus size afab reader x Steve Harrington smut please? Like they've been best friends for years with some mutual pining and one day they're play fighting and things progress from them. Thank youuuu

✦ warnings — nsfw, slight angst, little plot, teasing, tickling, cunnilingus, fellatio, vaginal sex, unprotected sex (please don't do this), cum play, finger sucking, hints of an innocence kink (only in conversation), fluff.

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Steve whined as he plopped down onto his bed. The rain had ruined your plans for the day so he offered to hang out at his house.

For once, the house wasn't empty. Wanting to avoid an awkward moment, he invited you up to his room. His parents didn't care, you were certain they hadn't even noticed.

They were used to your presence either way, to Steve's constant mention of your name as they passed the living room and heard him talk to you on the phone.

"I'm surprised you didn't call your high schooler friends instead," you teased him. You liked those kids, but you loved the indignation in his face when you reminded him he was friends with people way younger than him.

"Dustin is out on a date," Steve mumbled.

"Max and Lucas are too."

"How do you know that?"

"I helped her do her hair this morning."

He gaped, you didn't understand why. "You never do your hair when you're out with me."

"Of course I do," you said through a laugh. "Do you really think my hair looks like this naturally?"

He sat up, twisting his body to examine you. Steve brought a hand up, taking a patch of your hair between his fingers. "You do your hair for me, huh."

Rolling your eyes, you pushed him off you. "You're impossible."

You did. All the time. You picked your clothes for him, did your hair for him, and took extra care of your skin for him. He never noticed that all those times you went on dates, all dressed up and bright-eyed, were with him in mind.

Steve wrapped his arms around your middle, bringing you down onto the bed with him. You giggled as his fingers made contact with your waist. "You know I'm ticklish."

"Mmmhmm, it's why I do it," he said, almost in your ear.

Breathing normally was impossible when he was this close, with his breath against your skin and the playful amusement in his voice. "I'll find vengeance one day," you shakily said.

He tightened his grip around you before you could wiggle out of his embrace as you often did. Steve wouldn't risk another pillow fight and the danger of a pillow messing up his hair as you did last time.

"Steven," you warned, and you didn't mean it. "I'll elbow you on the stomach."

"Oh, yeah?" he asked, lips brushing your cheek.

Shuffling to roll over him, you ended up on top of him, back against his chest. Steve moved your hair off his face, whining as he shifted. He didn't relent, though, never even occurred to him to let go of you.

"I mean it."

He poked at your side, barely grazing you with the pads of his fingers. It was enough to make you let out another giggle, this one louder. Huffing a laugh, he did it again. Frustrated, you shifted little by little, aided by his silent truce of loosening the grip of his arms around you.

"Hi." His eyes, fixed on yours, looked different from this angle, shinier.

"Asshole," you said with a pout.

Steve smiled, shifting under you as he opened his legs. "It's just so easy."

"You're the only weirdo who thinks this is fun."

"You giggled twice."

"You were tickling me!"

"And I'll do it again," he playfully taunted you.

Bitting your bottom lip, you wondered if this was how he acted with other people. You always did that, but you couldn't help it. He looked so pretty underneath you, looking up at you with his doe eyes.

"Don't do that," he softly told you.

"Do what?"

"The lip thing."

You cleared your throat. "Sorry. My mind wandered."

He hummed. "To who?"

"What?"

"You know... who were you thinking about when you did the thing?"

"No one." You wiggled your arms free and rested a hand beside his head. Fuck, bad idea.

"You can tell me," he pressed. "I know all your secrets."

Except for one, he did. Steve was your best friend, your confidant, the most important person in your life. You would have left the town years ago if it wasn't for him.

Sometimes it felt like you were waiting for something that would never happen, for at least a signal that you had a chance. Sure, people like you rarely got the hot guy, but that didn't mean you had zero chances.

You knew you were pretty, you knew some guys wanted you. But you wanted your best friend to be the one who thought those things about you.

His hands rested at your hips. He gave them a squeeze. "Come on, don't be shy."

It would kill you to know he treated everybody this way. It wasn't normal, the closeness, how comfortable you were on top of him. "Just some guy," you opted for saying, "but nothing came from it."

"You never told me you were interested in someone."

His sour tone made you tilt your head, watching him as he scowled. "It's not worth mentioning."

What a fucking lie, how cruel it was to lie to his face and tell him he wasn't worth mentioning. Steve Harrington was worth it all, the risk of being dragged into monster hunting, the sleepless nights after a dumb fight, the search for his stupid hairspray in the middle of a hot summer, those weird moments in which you knew something was wrong and called his house with a hammering heart, never having him all for yourself... he was worth all those things and more.

"That's stupid."

"Why?" you asked, scared of his answer, scared that he would say one of those sweet Steve things that always left your heart aching.

"Because it affects you," he observed. He brought a hand up to the back of your head where he lazily started playing with your hair. "I hate when you let things make you feel bad. Guys are dicks anyway."

"Not this one," you immediately defended him, leaning your head back against his hand.

"Anyone good enough to get your attention but not worth mentioning is a dick," he insisted. You wished he would shut up.

Faking a laugh, you explained, "He's not a dick, just not interested."

"See, that's exactly the same thing." He slid his fingers into your hair, reaching your scalp. "Gorgeous human like you wants him and he isn't interested? Who does he think he is?"

'You.' If only you were brave enough to say it, if only the fear of losing his friendship didn't paralyze you.

His hand stopped moving, prompting you to lift your eyebrows in a silent question. Steve loved playing with your hair, it was insane that he had never realized you styled it for him when he always messed it up.

"Me?"

Oh. You said it out loud. "He, uhm, he—" Curse him and his persistence. "He wants to be you."

Steve didn't believe you, his eyes told you as much. Shaking his head, he said, "Tell me the truth."

Your mouth went dry. "Yeah," you rasped, "it's you."

His breath faltered. Pushing his torso up, he removed his hands from you and used them to hold himself up. "Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"I don't know... you're my best friend." He was so close, unbelievably so, you could feel his breath against your face. "I didn't want to ruin anything or make it awkward."

"Make it awk—" He scoffed. "Do you know how hard it is to stop myself from kissing you every time I see you? I always tell myself 'Steve, calm down, you're gonna fuck things up' and then go to work and flirt with customers because at least they actually look at me that way unlike you."

Frowning, you shook your head. "You're such an idiot, Steve."

He frantically nodded. "Can I? Kiss you?"

"You don't have to ask." Leaning in, you closed the gap between your lips and his.

Steve's kiss was frantic, all or nothing. He had no time to waste and much time to make up for. He rested a hand on the back of your head again, bringing you onto him as he laid on his back.

Your hand found its way under his head while the other rested over his shoulder to hold you up. The taste of coffee and cookies in his mouth had you hooked, and as though it wasn't enough, his tongue probed at your lips.

Opening your mouth to let him in, you felt his other hand come to rest on the side of your stomach.

As his tongue explored your mouth, clashing against yours from time to time, he slowly slid his hand under your blouse and sweater.

The first contact of his bare skin against yours made you moan, forcing you to part from the kiss.

He smiled. "Fuck, baby, you're so soft." And then he was leaning in further, lips once again on yours.

His hand slowly slid further up your blouse, tracing every curve in its path.

A knock on his door startled you both. You immediately moved off him while he tried to regain his breath. "Yeah?"

"We're going out for the night," his mom announced. "Lock up before you go to bed."

"Yes, mom, have fun!"

You gave him a questioning look as you laid on your side, using your arm for support.

"What?"

"Since when do you tell your parents to have fun?"

Steve pushed you so you would be laying on your back, rolling over to hover over you. "Since I have the person of my dreams in my bed, so I want them to leave quickly."

You wrapped your arms around his neck, bringing him in for a kiss. His hands returned to your waist where he toyed with the hem of the blouse under your sweater.

Kissing him was intoxicating. His tongue was in your mouth as though he was trying to scar the way you tasted in his mind. You squirmed as he slipped his hands under your blouse, warm bare palms against cold bare skin.

Steve mindlessly traced a few stretchmarks, pushing himself flush against you as he devoured your mouth.

You needed to breathe, yet you needed him more so you bit down his bottom lip, using the gesture as an excuse to inhale, then went back to kissing him.

He didn't care. Or if he did, he decided it wasn't worth mentioning, that kissing you was better.

Dizzy, not quite sure if from all the kissing or the fact that this was real and you were on Steve's bed, underneath him as he not-so-subtly rolled his hips against yours.

"Can I take this off?" he asked. "Please?" It sounded so sweet that even if you hadn't wanted him to, you wouldn't have denied him.

But you wanted him to. You had half a mind to suggest getting rid of everything, but something in his eye told you he wanted to take his time.

Your sweater came off first. He threw it behind him, not caring where it landed. Kneeling between your legs, Steve tilted his head. His right hand slowly crept up your clothed stomach, reaching your chest.

He didn't take his eyes off his hands as he worked the buttons, teasingly and somewhat sloppily. "Oh, baby," he whispered, mostly to himself, as the blouse sprawled open.

He cupped your breasts from on top of your bra, squeezing them, entranced with the sight of his hands on your agitated chest. Shifting, Steve buried his face in your neck — he immediately dove in, kissing your pulse point, suckling just under your ear, nibbling at the juncture between your neck and shoulder.

His hands never stopped, grabbing, squeezing, kneading. They slowly crept behind you, dragging across your back. "'m taking this off, yeah?"

"Yeah," you answered, breathless.

Steve smiled on your skin, nimbly unclasping your bra. Holding you firmly, he brought you up to sit; taking the hint, you finished removing the blouse and the bra.

He grabbed at your bare chest, one breast in each hand, sighing happily. "So soft," he sweetly said, "can't believe I'm touching them."

You lightheartedly giggled, light-headed even as he dragged his lips down to your chest. Steve stopped for a moment, internally debating which breast deserved more attention first.

Tracing his back, you let him take his time. It seemed like an important choice and you weren't about to distract him, you would have stayed there forever if he asked you.

He settled for your left breast, taking it in his wet mouth without warning. His hand didn't leave your right breast, he pinched your nipple between his fingers just as he sucked on the other one.

You whimpered, so fucking glad he hadn't made you wait forever. Sneaking your hands under his sweater, you found bare skin. Steve mumbled something around your breast as you lifted his sweater to his chest, as though the idea of detaching from your body was unbearable.

But you needed to touch him too, to kiss his skin and trace his scars, to leave your mark all over him.

Steve relented, because he wanted that too, and for a brief moment left your chest alone. He helped you discard his sweater, throwing it to the floor, just next to your shoes, and went up to kiss you.

His hands found their way to your breasts and his lips consumed yours until the only thing your brain processed was him. It was hard not to melt under his touch, his mouth, the sighs he let out as his nose flared while he refused to pull away from your mouth.

Maybe intoxicating was selling it short, maybe Steve was trying to wove deep within you. You would allow it without thinking, without caring what it truly meant. Consequences were something you learned to discard when crazy things started to happen in Hawkins.

Life felt so short now, and oh so sweet under Steve's hot mouth.

He trailed kisses down your torso, even past your breasts which you could imagine was hard to do. He peppered tiny kisses all over your belly, bringing his hands down with him, tracing your body at the same pace.

It was overwhelming, incredibly arousing, and so much better than your dreams.

And dreamt about this you had, to an embarrassing extent. But how could you not dream of fucking Steve Harrington?

This time he didn't ask, there was no need, he undid your pants and pushed them down, a little bit past your knees. Steve couldn't be bothered to take them off properly, eyes fixed on your thighs.

He stopped altogether, a crease in his brow forming.

"What's wrong?" you asked, voice small.

"Trying to decide, let me think."

He sounded ridiculous. "Decide what?"

"Should I pull them off or just... you know... rip them?" As though you needed more detail, he drew patterns on your hip with his fingers, just over your panties.

Was he trying to kill you? "My God, Steve, you can't say shit like that out of nowhere."

"It's not out of nowhere," he defended himself. Still unsure, he rested his head on your belly, tracing your thighs with only the tips of his fingers. "I've thought about ripping them off for so long," he confessed, lips brushing your skin.

Oh, that would be so hot. You hadn't dreamt anything close to it, yet you had a feeling you would after this. "Do it if you want."

"Really?"

"Really," you confirmed.

He perked up. You didn't have to tell him twice. He grabbed the hem of your panties with both hands, to the right, and twisted to rip them off. Steve let out a pleased huff, then went to the other side and ripped it too. "Getting pretty good at this, huh," he boasted.

"I'll buy you more," he promised against your thigh. "Thinner too."

You hummed. That would be for the best, just so your good pairs didn't get ruined.

Steve discarded the ripped material, breath hitching. "Look at you. So gorgeous." He didn't give any indication of what he would do so you didn't have a chance to brace yourself as his mouth latched to your inner thigh.

Pushing your jeans down to your ankles, he grabbed at your legs and guided them open. It was like a switch flipped inside him, like suddenly all the lingering gazes and pressing touches had washed over him at once. Steve traced your slit with two fingers, leaving marks all over your thighs as he slowly explored your pussy.

"Steve," you sighed.

"Yeah, baby?" he prompted you to speak, voice like honey.

You couldn't focus on what you were going to say, so desperate for his touch, for his mouth, that you could only cant your hips forward.

Steve understood, he did, and not only that, but he decided that he could leave teasing for another time; maybe for later. "Want my fingers?" His voice dropped, making you shiver. "My mouth?"

"Yes," you agreed, not sure to what.

He chuckled and decided for you. His tongue replaced his fingers, forcing a moan out of you as he tasted the slick gathering at your pussy.

He licked a stripe up your slit, tentative, barely flicking your clit as he came back down. His hands rested on your thick thighs, grabbing at them just because he could.

Steve only used his tongue at first, then started to suck. First, your lips while his nose was pressed against your clit, then his hot mouth finally engulfed your clit and you mewled his name.

He loved it. Desperate to hear it again, Steve lapped at your wetness. Your hand flew to your mouth, muffling the loud moan you couldn't contain.

Becoming messy, using his tongue and teeth, Steve stretched upward to reach your hand and remove it from your mouth, pushing his tongue inside you in the process.

Not knowing what to do, you brought his hand to your mouth, hoping he would understand you didn't want his neighbors to hear you moan.

He pulled away from your pussy, looking up at you with hooded eyes. "Wanna hear you."

Your thighs trembled as they tried to press together in reflex. There was something about Steve's voice that sometimes, randomly, made you ache.

This instance in specific, your entire body ached. You didn't know what to do, what to say, you wanted him to make you come and to make him come and to never go back to the way things were before this. You would have stayed there, sprawled on his bed, for eternity if he asked; preferably with his head between your thighs.

"Steve," you sighed his name, this time with purpose, sure of what you wanted. "Get back to it."

He obeyed, flicking his tongue against your clit, over and over again, alternating tongue and lips, sprinkling some use of his teeth.

Your fingers were in his hair and you finally got to mess it up like you always had wanted to. He didn't complain, he only hummed against your pussy and made you squirm with his mouth.

Grabbing him by the hair, you made him separate from your pussy. He whined, just like he had done earlier when you arrived, and licked the slick all over his mouth.

"You taste so good," he dreamily told you.

Sitting up, you looked up at him. It suddenly hit you that he was still wearing clothes and you couldn't have that.

Dragging your hands down his body, you asked, “Should we make things even?”

“Wh—” Steve parted his lips, blinking rapidly. “Yeah, yeah.”

You worked on undoing his jeans, pushing them down his thighs. Leaning closer, still gazing at him, you pushed them further.

"Sweetheart... fuck."

You tilted your head, hands over his knees.

"Don't play dumb, baby, you know what you're doing."

"Can I take them off?" you softly asked, nodding upward as you motioned to his underwear.

"You can do anything you want," he answered breathily.

Smiling at him, you pulled his underwear down. He helped you out by pushing both his underwear and pants even lower, to his ankles.

It reminded you that you still had to fully take your jeans off, so you briefly withdrew your hands from him and did so, needing to do so to get comfortable on the bed.

Steve followed your steps, now comfortably standing before you.

Reaching over, you wrapped your hand around his shaft. A desperate groan left his lips. You gave his cock a squeeze. "Get comfortable," you instructed him.

Steve gazed at you as though you had just fallen from heaven and sat on the bed.

You pumped his cock a few times, unconsciously smiling as he groaned in pleasure. Giving a tentative kiss to his tip, you rested your other hand on his thigh.

You swirled your tongue around his tip before slowly taking him into your mouth. Your hand remained around the base of his cock as you sucked him off. His pulse quickened once you tried to fit more of him in your mouth, with curses and groans leaving his lips.

You assumed he would guide you as the weight of his palm fell on your head. Instead, Steve started playing with your hair. He yanked on your hair as you bobbed your mouth and wrapped your tongue around his cock. "So good."

Sucking him harder, you swallowed more of his cock and dug your nails into his thigh as you tried to keep yourself from moving your hips. A gurgling sound filled the suffocating room as his cock hit the back of your throat, but you didn't choke.

"Fuck, sweetheart," he blurted between moans.

Steve didn't know what to do with his hands anymore, they went from your hair to the back of your head, then to your back. You had thought about this too many times to count, wondered about his taste and just how rough he would be. You had a feeling he was holding back.

"Slow down," he said, strained. "I'm too close."

You whined around his cock, doing as you were told. Steve lowered a hand to your ass where he rested it.

"Don't wanna come yet," he explained in a desperate voice.

You pulled away from his cock, sucking on the tip for a last time as you did so. He hissed.

Steve brought his other hand to the back of your head and drew you up, searching for your lips. You let him kiss you as much as he wanted, feeling his hand grope your ass as he brought you onto his lap.

For a moment, as he shifted, you thought he'd complain; Steve tore his lips off yours to kiss your jaw, trailing down to your neck. "I want to fuck you so bad," he told you through a sigh, lips plump from kissing your skin.

"And I want you to fuck me so bad." Your breath hitched as he pressed his crotch against yours, hard cock parting your folds. "Steve..."

You didn't want him to tease you, the wait had been too long already — a wait that once felt like it would never end. You were inches away from having him inside you, from finally knowing what it was to fuck Steve 'Out of Limits' Harrington.

Only he wasn't out of limits. He was needly rubbing his cock along your slit, groping hands urgently pinching your body.

"Want me to ride you?"

He opened his mouth, nodding, and bit his lip. "Just a little bit," he finally spoke.

You slowly slid yourself down onto him, feeling the stretch of his cock against your walls. You gasped, and he let out a deep sound. It was better than you imagined, better than having it in your mouth.

You ground on him, searching for a rhythm. Steve's hands grabbed at your sides, tightly, with the promise of leaving marks by the end of the night.

"You're a fucking dream, sweetheart."

His voice rang in your ears. You repeated it in your head as you found the right angle, pushing yourself forward. You were so full of him, circling your hips as he watched you, entranced. He grunted constantly, a few mumbles in between.

You couldn't make out what he was saying, lost in him. He probably wasn't making any sense either, his pupils were blown and his mouth hung open. Steve suddenly rolled you over, pushing you onto the mattress. The sound you let out was foreign for both of you, but he smiled, cockily so.

Hovering over you, he messily kissed you, hands on your thighs as he guided them more open. The drive of his hips rocked you forward, making you break the kiss with a moan. His saliva, mingled with yours, dribbled down the corner of your mouth.

"Shit." He smiled a goofy smile, too intoxicated in you to care if he looked stupid. "Better than a dream."

You grasped the duvet in your fists, holding tight as he found a steady rhythm to thrust his hips. You drove your hips towards him, desperate for more. Steve gave it to you, fucking you harder, hands trailing their way up to your chest. He squeezed your breasts, making you falter.

Staying quiet became impossible as Steve built his pace up, attaching his mouth to your neck in search of that little spot he had heard one of your exes talk about. He nibbled on it, erupting a deep moan from you.

Your body started to tense. You couldn't do anything other than writhe and moan, hands so tight around the duvet your knuckles hurt.

"Gonna come for me?" Steve asked in your ear, "All over me?"

"Uh-huh." The pressure within you increased, seeping deeper, higher and higher, until your ears rang and the only thing you could feel was Steve's grip on your breasts and his thick cock squeezed between your walls. Your legs trembled, and a twitch in your right arm forced you to let go of the duvet. The wet sounds filling the room were distant, your eyes searched for his and you found pure pleasure in them.

Steve thrust slowly, chasing his own high as the fire inside you smothered. With a strangled moan, he pulled out. The weight of his cock fell on your belly as he shifted to finish himself off with his right hand. Hot cum fell on your stomach, some drops reached your breasts, and Steve panted over you, admiring his work.

Too curious to find shame, you swiped a finger across his seed, gathering some and bringing your finger to your mouth. The whimper Steve let out as you sucked your finger made your clit throb just as the bitterness of his cum enveloped your mouth.

He copied you, wiping his cum off you with his fingers. He offered them to you, gazing at you through his lashes. You opened your mouth, dropping your hands to the side to welcome his fingers. You swirled your tongue around his fingers, tasting more of him.

"So pretty," he sighed. Pushing his fingers down against your tongue, he forced you to open your mouth. He only stared for a moment, then pulled his fingers out of your mouth and crashed his lips against yours.

You hoped he could taste himself. He softly bit your lip, pulling on it.

"Y'know, I always imagined we would fuck on your bed, not mine." He gave you another kiss, not letting you answer to his admission as he stretched his arm to reach something on his bedside table.

You pulled away, dying to know why. "My bed?"

He hummed, moving off you to kneel on the bed and reach what he was looking for. "Always thought about the teddy bears on your bed and all the pastel shit you keep around."

"You thought about fucking me with my collection of teddy bears watching."

"Yeah," Steve shamelessly admitted, ripping a cardboard box of kleenex open. "Is that so bad?" he asked, looking at you as he wiped the remnants of his cum off your skin.

"No." You sat up, wondering just how uncomfortable wearing pants without panties would be.

He stopped you before you could grasp your pair of pants. "Whoa, whoa, what are you doing? You don't want to cuddle?"

"Well, yeah, but I'm cold."

"Just put the sweater on," he said as though this wasn't uncommon between you, as if you hadn't just fucked for the first time. "We'll get under the duvet."

His bed was so comfortable that you didn't complain anymore. You rested your head on his chest as he draped an arm around you, letting the duvet cover both your bodies as you looked up at the ceiling.

"So the teddy bear thing isn't weird, right? You're not calling the cops on me?" Ever the dramatic one.

You almost rolled your eyes. "It's a little surprising," you conceded, "but I get it."

"We could do that after our first date."

"I don't need you to take me on a date, I've known you since we were twelve."

Steve placed a hand on the back of your hand and squeezed you, making you lift your head to face him.

"What is it?"

"We should do things properly."

He was so sweet, you couldn't believe your luck. Nodding, you leaned in to kiss his nose. "Okay."

His eyes lit up as he asked, "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Wrapping both arms around you, he littered your face with kisses. It was only then you realized the rain had finally slowed down but neither of you dared to comment on it.

[passivenovember]

Max has always been, like. One of those fireplaces that don’t have a grate cover. Burning hot and popping with threaded wood from an old oak tree, worrying those who stoked the flame that she might flip a lid and burn a hole in the carpet. Burn a hole through the floor. Smile as the whole house turns to ash. 

She’s bright. Magnificent. 

It’s Billy’s favorite thing about her, circled in frantic red from a list that keeps on growing after she almost nailed his dick to the floor while he was high on horse tranquilizers. 

They’re more similar than either might care to admit.

Max has got fire. Anger that rivals his own, but it’s contained. Still simmering where people she loves can get close enough to move it around so it won’t get out of control. He’s seen it light rooms, bring wanders in from the cold, and feels himself grown green with envy when a soft, sweet girl takes a bit of that flame and uses it to light her own candle. 

Righteous anger to smuggle home with her, burning amber against the palm of her hand so even the wind can’t snuff it out.

Billy envies that about Max. That her anger is soft, at times. Where Lucas can roast marshmallows in the face of her glory, Billy fries anyone who gets too close. 

It’s out of control. Neil tossed a cigarette through the open window of Billy’s childhood, the cherry catching and sparking on a field that had grown brown in the drought that came when his mom left, and he’s been burning ever since.

People leave. They pick up their clothes off the bedroom floor in the middle of the night and they run, because Billy could burn their house to the ground with a word. A flick of his wrist, and. 

He meets Steve Harrington, who’s fire is more like a search light, oil burning high in a thin white building to bring wayward ships home, and Billy thinks he’s the Devil. 

Righteous. Staring down the bridge of his perfect, wrought-iron nose when the flames of Billy’s anger lick at his heels. 

He’s ancient. Omnipotent. A mainstay that not even Billy can touch.

And Billy doesn’t know what to do about it, hands shaking red with panic. He wants to be seen. Felt, but. 

Steve feels him. He doesn’t say anything. 

Learns to warm himself by the light of that heat, turning his jacket to ash the winter after the bottom falls out. Hawkins Middle draped in starlight. Max, falling in love through a spread of cinderblock while Billy sits, waiting. 

Steve never could resist a forest fire.

All it takes is a word, and brown fields turn black. 

Rain falls. 

All it takes is the press of lips against his cheek, his forehead, brown eyes pulling him in until Billy’s anchored and drowning, and the fire goes out. 

Billy’s not a raging inferno, anymore. He’s a storm. 

And, still, the lighthouse stands.

[railroad-migraine]

A Secret

Steve Harrington x F!Reader

Notes: Short and sweet, something I wrote after a good day meeting up with friends :)

~ Poet

"I have a secret to tell you."

There's a moment of hesitation that floods through Steve's body the second those words leave your mouth. The cup in his hand, filled to the brim with a sweet mix of lemonade and crushed frozen raspberries, hovers millimeters away from his lips, frozen and paused as if on video. He eventually drags his eyes to where you lean forward on the wood-topped island in the middle of his parents' kitchen.

Not that his parents ever used it. But that's beside the point.

You're grinning from ear to ear, your eyeliner a little smudged from the dip in the pool and the flannel draped over your shoulders is creased - but to Steve you've never looked so fucking pretty.

Behind you are the glass doors that lead out to the pool, and through them he catches a glimpse of Dustin pinching his nose before plunging into the water. The force of the impact ripples violently and soaks not only the other kids, but also Nancy, Jonathan, Robin, and Eddie chilling at the pool side.

Both Max's displeasured groan and Eddie's yelp of surprise permeate the glass and brick separating you and Steve from the outside. But he doesn't seem to mind.

The house seems less like a shell and more like a home when everyone's here. When his friends are here.

When you are here with him.

Steve's nerves ease enough that he's able to plaster one of his own winning smiles, hoping it mirrors your own enthusiasm."Oh yeah? A secret, you said?"

"Mmhm." He wants to kiss that smirk off your face.

He wipes his hands, as well as the cold condensation that collected on them from the icy drink, on a soft towel before tossing it onto the countertop. "What's on your mind, baby?" he hums.

You move so easily, rounding the island and setting your own cup down next to his. The different coloured straws he'd insisted on using bob indecisively in the gently fizzing liquid. Your orange one manages to stay planted, while his green one seems to not be sure of where it'd be happier - in the drink or flopped on the tiled floor. The thought distracts him enough that when you stand before him so suddenly, Steve almost flinches.

He feels your lips brushing against the shell of his ear when you lean up in your scuffed canvas shoes, feels your hands moving past the frayed edge of his mustard sweater to hook your fingers into his belt loops. He doesn't resist when you pull him close.

The space between you is non-existent. A promise that feels right and perfect and comfortable, all the while his mind and heart are racing a mile a minute.

He feels your smile when you whisper "I love you, Steve Harrington."

A beat of silence.

Jonathan snaps a polaroid of Nancy and Robin clinking cups of offbrand cola. Lucas helps fit his walkman headphones over El's ears. Mike and Will duck under the water to see who can hold their breath the longest. You're rubbing circles with your thumb into Steve's hip bone.

His heart feels like its going to burst.

"Wait, really?"

You nod against his neck, pressing a small kiss there.

A giggle - he actually giggles - erupts within his chest, a lighthearted thing as he hugs you, nose at your hairline and smiling against your forehead, because holy shit, his girlfriend loves him. He sways you both, sickeningly saccharine, lazy and sweet, slow but vigorous enough to get the attention from Steve's other guests outside. Half of them them retch and avert their eyes for your sakes, the other half of them exchanging knowing looks before acting nonchalant entirely.

"Well," he finally sighs, the huff of air tickling your skin. He pulls away, albeit only a fraction, your chin perched on his chest and looking up at him with sunshine in your eyes and on your face while he wets his bottom lip with his tongue. A thick lock of his famous Harrington hair clings to his forehead, but he doesn't care in the slightest. You can tell - his smile is completely and utterly smitten. "I love you too."

The green straw finally settles, balanced and content in the plastic cup neighbouring yours. It's forgotten about entirely when he seals his lips with yours.

-

[tomorrowsdrama]

What is your top 10 hotties from dramaland?

Oh you know I will take any chance to thirst over dramaland hotties. Actually ranking them is so hard though. This is one situation where I would want to give participation prizes for everyone. Everyone is a winner because they're so hot hahaha. But if I really HAD to rank them...

Zhou Yiwei as Xiao Qi in The Rebel Princess

Omg the thirst WAS REAL early 2021 when I first laid eyes on Zhou Yiwei in The Rebel Princess. Wheeeew, there was no shame at all. It's not just the way he looks but also the character himself that makes him my number 1 hottie. Ugh, the way he wielded all his big weapons and his long locks flowing in the wind as he rode in on his horse to save the day. How calm he was in handling everything except whenever it came to Awu or his men. OMG and his chemistry with Awu was just outrageous. It felt voyeuristic watching those two fall in love. I can go on and on and on.

2. Jang Hyuk as Dae Gil in Chuno

Omg Dae Gil, Dae Gil, Dae Gil. Naïve noble young lord who fell in love with a slave turned jaded fucked up slave hunter with amazing pecs and abs obsessively looking for the girl he fell in love with when he was 16. I mean, what's not to love?! That intensity that Jang Hyuk brings to all his characters is especially delicious here. Ahh and all the angst and pain and sacrifice ILOVEHIMILOVEHIMILOVEHIM.

3. Darren Wang as Wolf Boy/Prince Bo in The Wolf

SEX ON LEGS. THE END. I may have been even more shameless in thirsting over Wolf Boy than I was with Xiao Qi. Why isn't he number 1 then? Well, whereas Xiao Qi is wonderful husband material while still being a competent as hell general/murder machine, Wolf Boy is the hot bastard you meet at a sketchy dive bar who you take home for an ill-advised night of great fun. I don't know if being husband material makes you hotter but I guess for this list it does. I don't know!

Cut to save you from all the gifs. More thirst awaits behind the cut!

4. Chen Kun as Ning Yi in The Rise of the Phoenixes

THIS MAN IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND SMOLDERS ONSCREEN LIKE HIS LIFE DEPENDS ON IT.  So brilliant, so ruthless, so tragic.  And when he lets his hair down?!  Ugh, I can’t.  The only reason why he isn’t higher is because he’s TOO BEAUTIFUL in a very untouchable way.

5. Kimura Takuya as Haru in Pride

Teenage me took one look at Kimura Takuya as Haru and went YES.  He’s probably only this high because of nostalgia but WHATEVER. It doesn’t matter that Kimura Takuya is maybe 130 pounds max at any given moment.  The jdrama told me he was an ace hockey player and I went “Yes he is!”  This was peak jdrama romance for me. I mean a playboy who doesn’t believe in love falling in love with a traditional woman while fake dating according to the rules of his own game? Yes please!

6. Kim Moo Yeol as Hot Banker in My Beautiful Bride

I’m sure he has an actual name but I don’t know it because he’s always been Hot Banker to me.  I’ve been to many banks, seen many bankers, and never in my life have I ever seen one as hot as Hot Banker. Talk about setting unrealistic expectations. Ooooof I love his one track mindedness in his love for his bride and never stopping until he gets her back...IT FEEDS MY SOUL.  He also works out a lot and the drama makers were kind enough to show us his work out routine onscreen and bless them for that.

7. Ji Sung as Kang Yohan in The Devil Judge

Gay daddy Rochester does modern vengeance kdrama all while looking fucking hot and brooding in suits and loose blouses. Ji Sung is so daddy in this role, the state is looking for him to pay child support.

8. William Chan as hot masochist shifu in novoland pearl eclipse

Hot masochist shifu with a toxic homoerotic relationship with a psycho emperor whom you want to fuck. He’s THE hot shifu you want to fuck to top all hot shifus (or maybe in his case, bottom?).  His character was as hot as the drama was messy/bad.  OOF.

9. Jin Han as Feng Xi in Twisted Fate of Love

Hot bastard you want to fuck who only melts for his otp. My attraction to Jin Han is irrational and 100% hormone driven.  I have watched so many crap/questionable dramas for this man. SO MANY.

10. Kim Nam Gil as Bi Dam in Queen Seondeok

Kim Nam Gil on any given day is worth thirsting over but especially with that long hair as Bi Dam. I mean come on, abandoned son of the antagonist queen who falls for the new queen/rightful ruler? The dangerous and cutthroat man with questionable morals who throws it all away for his otp and literally fights through an entire army just to see her again?! His character was totally made to turn me on! I couldn’t find any gifs to do him justice so please enjoy this clip of his last scene where he cuts through an army to reach his lover and falls just short of touching her before he dies.

10. Yoon Sang Hyun as Oska in Secret Garden

OG kdrama himbo with a heart of gold who turns out to be the best bro ever.  He was such a hot dummy, even Lee Jong Suk’s snooty hipster songwriter couldn’t help but fall for him.  Yoon Sang Hyun is such an underrated hottie, it’s a crime.

10. Cha Seung Won as Jo Kook in City Hall

Hot bastard you want to fuck who reforms himself for his otp and tries to be a better man for her. Cha Seung Won is already naturally so hot to me but add onto that his crazy hot chemistry with Kim Sun Ah? 🥵 They were so adult and it was so great. Special shout out to his role in Athena: Goddess of War for being the hottest evil bastard in that mess of a drama.

10. Jung Kyung Ho as Dr’s Son in Cruel City

Look, Jung Kyung Ho is as skinny as a bean pole but he was just so sexy and dangerous in this drama! Wheeeew and that love scene with Nam Gyuri.

Special Category: hottie not from an Asian drama - Uraz Kaygilaroglu as Kartal in Uc Kurus

Pictures don’t do him justice, his entire vibe as this character is so hot to me. You know you’re hot when you can make this monstrous bleach blond look sexy. I think Uc Kurus was my first foray into Turkish shows (it’s either this or Destan) and it was all because of Kartal. What’s not to like about a Romani mafioso who is perhaps on the wrong side of the law but is also someone who does everything he can to protect his loved ones and his community and is a bit damaged? He makes a very good case for slumming it!

Some special mentions that didn’t quite make the top 10:

Joo Won’s insane abs in Alice

Lee Dong Wook in anything and everything

Lee Soo Hyuk’s frequent flyer abs in The Scholar Who Walks the Night

Nam Goong Min’s everything in the first episode of The Veil