#CAN I JUST SAY THIS IS MY FAVOURITE FIC EVER 100/10

[underwittingly]

An expression flickered across Tom’s face so quickly that he couldn’t read it. “I won’t do it again,” he said after a beat, sounding far less flippant than he had before. He was on top of Draco, a knee on each side of his hips, one hand still on his shoulder from rolling him over, the other on the pillow beside his head. He was, well, not warm but solid, real. It was difficult to be angry with him when he was so close.

ch 8 - Alley Cat by @the-paper-monkey

[back2bluesidex]

J-Hope Fic Recommendations (18+)

If you are already following me for quite some time then you should know that I am a massive masochist and I like to torture myself by reading and writing angsty stories. So, most of the stories that I recommended are angsty as well (might as well have sad endings). So please carefully read the warnings before proceeding. Have a happy reading.

And please don't expect much from me. There are several other rec lists far better than mine. The only motive I had behind creating this list to promote some of the stories, which I think are very underrated. especially angsty ones. These stories are beautifully written so.. I just wanted to let the authors know how phenomenal of a job they have done (As a writer myself I know how much this actually means). Thanks to these amazing writers and I am grateful that they decided to share their work here with us.

[Minors please stay away from my blog!]

Key: F - Fluff, A- Angst, S- Smut, Y- Yandere, *- Personal Favorite

Oneshots

1. Ash from his fire by @filmcrystal - A, implied S, cheating au

It will break your heart so please proceed with caution.

2. Forbidden Fruit by @deepdarkdelights - A, Y

This one deals with several triggering topics. Hence, read the warnings carefully. But I can say that you will love this twisted mafia Hoseok way too much!

3. Shadows by @borathae - A, exes au

One of the most underrated stories I have ever read! Yeah, it is very angsty and Hoseok is so cruel but... we all are masochist here. lmao!

4. Heaven sent by @aquagustd - A, F, S, f2l au

Sexy soccer player Hoseok is just another name for perfection.

5. Bound by @explicit-tae - S, kinda f2l

Talk abut BDSM! GOOOD Sweet Lord!!!

6. Jigsaw by @sunshinejunghoseokie - A *

I remembered crying after reading this one. So damn underrated that it physically hurts me!!

7. Delta Disorder by @bangtanintotheroom Y, S, Supernatural au

I don't usually read supernatural stuff but this demon Hoseok is way too sexy to skip!

8. Systems of Touch by @yeoldontknow - S, F, tiny A, S2l au

Beautifully written! The author used 100% of their capabilities to write this one. Perfectly drawn Professor Hoseok with a very attractive character of reader. Certainly a treat to read.

9. 2:00 AM by @likeastarstar - A, fuckbuddy Hoseok

Part of a series but can be read as a standalone. and Hoseok is a dick in this.

10. Love Quarrels by @mirahuyooo - A, F, mafia au

A cold yet soft mafia husband Hoseok chases behind his angry wife... could there be anything better than that?

11. The Hook Up ft. JK by @minisugakoobies - S

A little bit of a triangle.. but not love? if that makes sense.

12. Entelechy by @drmflm - suggestive (I believe)

Can't call this one angst and neither is this about Hoseok (he is there, don't worry). This one is more about the reader and her growth and it's beautiful.

13. Orgasms on the verge of a nervous breakdown by @sluttyandere - S, Y *

This is very dark and quite triggering, so please don't read unless you can handle those stuff.

14. For the night by @aseaofyoongi - A, S

I cried. that's all.

15. We Shouldn't by @beahae - S **

Hands down to one of my most favourite Hoseok smuts ever!!! This one has a Jimin follow-up so make sure to read that too.

16. Real or not real by @nmjoo-n - A, S, F **

Again one of the most exquisite Hoseok fics I have ever read!

17. Checkmate by @sunshinejoon - A, S

This was supposed to have a sequel but it is perfect regardless.

18. Do I wanna know - @yoongiphoria - A, f2? ****

Now, MJ knows how much I love this one. I often read this story and I never ever get bored of it! I love this to the core and you should too!

19. Scrap - @silv3rswirls - A, Y, S

Dark and sexy. Read the warnings carefully please.

20. It's a Promise by @sahmfanficbts - S, A, Arranged marriage au

Just read it.

21. Three by @hamsterclaw - S

Again.. VERY UNDERRATED!

22. Wonderwall by @kiara-ish - A with an open ending

Might not be for the faint hearted.

23. Infatuated by @bangtanfancamp - F

If you like high school love au then this one is for you.

24. Constellations of You by @persphonesorchid - S, F, established relationship au

This is so domestic that my heart almost exploded while reading!!

25. Burning flames or paradise by @/yoongiphoria - A, tiny f ****

MJ does magic.... that's all I can say.

26. Alone again by @archivedkookie - A, F

I loooove these kinds of stories. Just the right amount of despair with the right amount of hope... beautiful.

27. Feeling Good by @bonvoyagenoona - A, S

Everything I write about this will fall short.. so I will just shut up and let you enjoy the goodness.

28. Distracted by @dilfhoseokie - S

Ahem..

29. Drink Champaign in my airplane by @/bangtanintotheroom - F, S, F2l

Perfectly embodies a rich hot CEO friend Hoseok... a fun read.

30. Keynote by @missgeniality - S **********

MY MOST FAVORITE HOSEOK ONESHOT TO EXIST IN THE PLANET. yeah.. (this has a follow-up but I like this one better)

Series

The thing is that I don't usually read series. I just don't have that patience. So this list is pretty small and forgive me for that.

1. Transference by @dark-muse-iris - A, S, F, S2l *********************

[Completed]

I wasn't the same after reading this. I can't talk about this trantric therapist Hoseok, 'cause I will never shut up if I start.

2. Kanalia by @xjoonchildx - A, S, f (?) *********************

[Ongoing]

Honestly, who isn't a sucker for Lord Jung? You must be sick if you are not. (On a side note.. Kanalia is keeping me alive from jumping off trains on tough days)

3. Guarded by @/xjoonchildx - A, S, F, S2l

[Completed]

Mafia Hoseok with dogtags. I think that's enough of an introduction.

If you want to read the Hoseok stories I write, you can checkout my Masterlist.

[hiemaldesirae]

i have less than 24 hours left before i have to go through one of the most stressful days of my life so. heres a list of my fav radiostatic fic recs in no particular order

clarification: by radiostatic i mean fics where vox is 100% not the dom in the relationship. most of these dont contain explicit sex though, and im not recommending any straight porn fics here because you can easily find those with a click and search through the bottom vox tag lmao

most of these fics are unfinished, so be warned that i will not take accountability if you get attached to these without them being finished properly. in fact ill just laugh at you because then we'll be suffering together

now, that aside- starting off strong with some of the more popular fics:

RHTVS / Radio Healed the Video Star by Aspiring_Forest_Witch

notes: LONG fucking fic. like this guys almost 700k words long fic. one of the best things ive ever read in my life though and it has a plotline thats frankly more engaging than the actual showing of hazbin on amazon. so. you know. if you have the time to read it Please do you wont regret it

Unraveling Emotions by Xaelei

notes: one of my favourite fics ever on god. started my brainrot for dad!husk, portrays one of the most scrumptious radiostatic dynamics and is generally so very well written that i might end up trying to recreate one of the scenes in comic form. genuinely in love with this fic and im so glad i can say i was the first comment on this fic because my God its such a treat to see new chapters drop for this. unfortunately i havent had the time to write out a detailed comment as of now but if someone wants to let the author know that im still in love with their fic and will continue supporting it until i drop dead go ahead for me

Safe with Me by rillyrillo

notes: the prequel and main fic of this series is human radiostatic, though the sequel is set in hell. it comes with gorgeous gorgeous art and frankly one of the most exhilirating endings ive ever had the pleasure of witnessing play out. i recommend you guys check out their other fics too, the art continues in them + their radiostatic is written wonderfully across all universes!

A Month of Rut by Vylad

notes: this fic is very self indulgent to me. i love the way radiostatic is written in this one because theyre very soft and sweet, but others may not prefer it if theyre looking for freak4freak radiostatic. if you just want something to indulge in and relax with at the end of a heavy day though this is my #1 rec. i read this sometimes when i find myself crying at night lmao

Down, Up, and Back Down by CowboyEnthusiast

notes: made me sob like a baby. 10/10 no notes whatsoever read it for yourself because you WILL not regret it. i genuinely am always at a loss for words whenever i reread this because it is among the most gutwrenching but beautiful and poetic works that ive ever read and i think it deserves some recognition

Mind the Gap by ZLynn

notes: again, to reiterate, i do very much dislike the abusive!staticmoth portrayal i see in a lot of fics. but in this one... it's written so perfectly, i can definitely see it actually happening. i enjoy the way that val does still seem to care about vox, albeit in his own twisted way that eventually breaks and fractures their love and trust, and its just. Ugh. So fucking good

+ with the less popular but still wonderful depictions of radiostatic that i love to indulge in:

i'll give you a show (cause it helps fill the seats) by dead_and_dreaming

notes: absolutely shameless plug from me for my dear mk's work because i cant stop thinking about the way that she's portrayed al here. its actually insane how fucked up that stupid little deer is and i just. i really fucking love the way that their alastor is written, it's genuinely probably my Number One depiction of alastor ever. i demand more of this stupid little freak RIGHT NOW!!!!

Any of the fics by Rachello344 in the Hazbin Hotel Fandom Tag on their profile

notes: so remember when i told you guys i wouldnt be linking straight porn. looks away... okay in my defense though i read the smut for the characterization and their unique dynamics. its sooo interesting to see how their radiostatic is explored here and im honestly refreshed by the depiction of their relationship. im here for it !!!

The Read 'Em and Weep Series by TooManyPseudonyms

notes: so from what i was able to piece together (everything flies over my head when im reading, forgive me for my low media literacy) this is an au set before the hotel where (in the first work) al and vox are in a qpr relationship. in the second work this evolves into a romantic relationship, and the exploration of their dynamic through this is just... Yeah. please read it its 100% worth your time and so underrated it hurts my heart

Uneasy by Saezs

notes: this fic is one of the first radiostatic fics i read (the others being RHTVS and... i think i tried the 666 series, but it didnt appeal to me lol) and its actually just wonderful. i really love saezs's genderfluid vox and how supportive the other vees are of them <3 their portrayl of the characters puts a smile on my face whenever i reread their work

Heat Waves by HappyPRAWN

notes: i'll be fr dsmptsd hit me like a truck when i read the title but it is such an interesting debut! only at one chapter as of me making this post but the way the author wrote this is so engaging and it really makes me wonder what they have next in store for the fic

Do I have your attention now? by Chi_Chi25

notes: wow no way we have the same name... anyway ahem. ill be completely honest this ones a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. this fic is a bit fragmented and short, so for people who click off fics when they see imperfect grammar this one may not be for you. however if you can look past that, it has an engaging storyline and quite the juicy concept :)

Killer Ex by FanGirl48

notes: gorgeous, gorgeous little human! radiostatic oneshot. i love the relationship that vox and al have here... the reasons why they both stayed away from each other even though theyre still so very clearly down bad for each other... anyway. i think about this one a lot and i still go back to reread it sometimes lol

Negotiations by FanGirl48

notes: i didnt realize until i started making this list that this fic was also written by fangirl48.... go off queen keep feeding us (me). this one was a fic recommended to me initially by link nonny, and i can 100% vouch for how good it is. its got appletv interactions, radiostatic plus lucifer trying to navigate heaven, angels... basically everything needed for a very varied and well packed with flavour story

The diary of a Serial Killer by ShippersCave

notes: okay im running out of brain juice at this point but. yeah this fic is soooo self indulgent to me. this ones another human au, with al as a serial killer and vox as the journalist trying to conduct interviews with him. its got SUCH a good dynamic between al and vox, i encourage you guys to check it out and give it a chance even if youre not really into human aus.

My heart's been pierced by Cupid by ShippersCave

notes: pirate/siren au !!!!!!!!! RAAHH !!!!! i dont have to say anything else for this if thats not enough to get you to click then i dont know what is

System Shutdown by Swoolie

notes: i cant believe i nearly forgot about this one LMAO... vox goes onto a temporary hiatus and everyone goes crazy about it. im not really sure if this counts as radiostatic frankly because of the way its tagged but its so good i think you should give it a read anyway

Together in Radio Static by Anonymous

notes: QPR media husbands radiostatic au !!!! i love this one especially because it opens off with vox slapping alastor across the face for leaving him LMAOO (deserved)

What Has Been by Tianren

notes: another human au (YEAH YEAH I KNOW. JUST HEAR ME OUT OKAY i swear im cooking) look, as someone with religious trauma deeper than i can properly express and the worlds fifteenth worst parental issues, the depiction of vox in this fic just really hits home. i really adore the exploration of voxs past and how the themes of religious guilt and cults are woven in so far- and it blends very seamlessly with their human au, despite the characters eccentricities

you're too sweet for me by awestruck_atrophy and moonbeanies

notes: basically, vox and al make a deal where vox tries to help him out of the shackles or whatever that are bound to him because of his stupid dumbass lusting for power. its very intriguing so far and i love the setup and worldbuilding the authors have done, so you should check it out if you want a unique perspective on radiostatics relationship

candlelight by curtailed

notes: the best way i can think of to describe this one is like... fake marriage but instead of fake marriage its. fake roommates??? the author probably puts it better than me tbh. its super interesting so far, i cant wait to see where this one is headed especially with how unique its premise is!

Zero Day by Anonymous

notes: this one is like those time regression manhwas. you know, the ones where the protag goes back in time and proceeds to try and avoid everyone who made their life miserable- only to fail because for some reason now they're paying attention to them more than they would have had they stayed the same person. its certainly very promising, though! i do love indulging in time regression stories, especially when the mc is someone i love like vox. i really cant wait to see which direction this one is headed in :)

Never as Good as the First Time by IComeForFanficsNowin403

notes: okay. so, uh. um. so- this one is in spanish. HOWEVER its premise (serial killer alastor meets television star (?? i think. its not quite clear) at a party hosted by rosie, moves into his neighborhood to keep an eye on the pretty prey) is just so unique i honestly think its worth the experience to pull out google translate and try living the machine translated life. really. give it a chance. also its got beautiful art to go along with, so.. you know. thats just a bonus!

+ honorary staticmoth and one-sided/past radiostatic fic rec:

Freak-A-Zoid by Femalefonzie

notes: this fic deserves every single piece of praise its ever gotten because good lord. its SO good. i was not seeing the radiostatic twist come in, but it *is* mostly staticmoth. and also a/b/o but i mean. who *hasnt* indulged in a little bit of a/b/o before honestly

there are other fics that i personally like to indulge in, but i frankly wouldnt recommend to anyone else because they're either the kinds of fics that i myself can only bring myself to read after ive spent 8 hours at work crying into my pillow and need to look at something entertaining, or when im starved of content and cant be bothered to cook myself so i pull out the translator and start going at it. (technically i should know how to read french by now but. urgh. anywway..)

[trainsinanime]

Your favorite fanfic writer doesn't know (but would like to)

Let's talk about comments on fanfics. This is not meant as a guide or call to action, just a bit of observations. Personally, I always saw it as impolite to ask for reviews or kudos or comments or likes or reblogs or whatever. That's not a rational point of view, it just reflects how I am. And people actually telling others that they have to leave any of this feedback? I've blocked folks over that. In my mind that's not okay. I'm not announcing a change of that, this is not a policy, just some deep-seated mental issues, but I want to write down some more things that have been going through my mind, from the perspective of someone who occasionally writes fanfics. My previous suggestion in this regard was mostly to write some fanfic yourself and see what happens and what you'd like to happen, because it's genuinely fun and I think you probably have more to say than you realise.

But there's also another point here, and that is that your favourite fanfic writer has no idea that they are. If you're anything like me, then it will seem like the great writers in your fandom are obvious. Also, the last time you bought Blåhajs, it ended with you having to flee a smoke-filled subway tunnel. The great stories and great writers in your universe are facts of nature. You read a story and you think, "this is the greatest thing I've ever seen." A story rewires your brain chemistry forever. You keep coming back and reading that one fic whenever the mood hits you. It feels obvious that this story is great. How could it not be?

It feels trite to say that the author of that fic doesn't know that unless you tell them, but it's hard to really understand the feeling unless you've been there yourself. You write a story, but is it any good? Maybe you get a lot of kudos, or maybe very little, but what does either of that mean? Kudos can mean literally anything from "loved this" to "didn't close the tab in disgust". Maybe you just got unlucky. Maybe you just got lucky. What do these numbers mean? What is a good number of kudos? 1? 10? 100? 1000? Should I calculate ratios? How do I know whether people like this?

In light of this, a comment where someone just said, "I loved this", has an almost incalculable worth. A comment where someone says they read this over and over again, or quotes lines they loved, or something? You can't imagine how valuable that is. A while ago someone told me "a couple of us are talking about this on Discord, we love it and we keep repeating our favorite lines". I thanked them, but I was too polite to say, "really? What are they saying? Which are your favorite lines? How many people are there who love it? What are their names? Which lines are the favorite ones, please, tell me!". Part of me still regrets that, because I so desperately want to know! I don't think it was a public Discord and I never heard from the others on it, but just the idea that they're out there and they like my story was so powerful. (By the way, it's not on any account that's linked from here, please don't try to find that comment.)

Now, I firmly believe that you, as a reader, don't have to care about any of that. I know there are people who disagree with me on this point, very strongly in fact, but I don't think it's necessarily your job to care. It's great if you do, and I think a lot of you do in fact care, that's why I'm writing this. But if you haven't thought about that or don't feel comfortable leaving comments or whatever, that's fine, that's normal, and you are in fact part of the majority. Any well-adjusted fic author has found ways to deal with this. They have learned to love writing for its own sake, or they love re-reading their own fics, or they have a couple of trusted friends who like their work, or ideally all three. Personally I was scared of Discord for the longest time, but it really helps with that. One person who you sort of know going "hey that's neat" can outweigh just about anything else. (Still, there will be days when you post something and you won't get a response and that just plain sucks, no two ways about it.)

But if you do care, if you think it's important that a fanfic writer knows what they mean to you, not because of any concern about the wider unpaid fan creator economy but just because of the way their work affected you, then this is important. Your favorite fanfic writer probably doesn't know and/or believe that they're anyone's favorite, and even if they do, a reminder or learning that someone knew found them will make them incredibly happy. And obviously, all of that applies at least just as much to all the beginners with potential that are out there. So if you're wondering whether it's worth it leaving a comment that says how much you enjoyed something: It probably is. And if you shared this with others and they loved it, or if this is your favourite fic, or if you enjoy how original it is, or how well it does your favourite tropes, or anything like that, the writer is going to be so happy to hear that.

A final aside: This obviously applies even more when it's about fandoms, pairings, subject matter and in particular ratings that are considered a bit embarrassing. Writers who write stuff that, say, happens to be E-rated for whatever reason, doesn't matter, will probably get fewer kudos and comments just because people are embarrassed to have their names show up in the Kudos and Comment sections. If that's you, just a note that it is perfectly okay to comment anonymously, or to create a second separate account for leaving kudos on, commenting on and maybe even posting the somewhat more risqué stuff. Now I'm not saying I have one of these second accounts, at least I'm not saying that in public, but it is an option worth considering.

[cookies-over-yonder]

"... In that moment, you, and Taylor, and Nick all realize that there is no fixing this. That this is as good as it's going to get. That you are all stuck with each other in the forms that you are now. You see daddy magic—that same daddy magic that exited Ron and Terry's body, emanate from their bodies like a fine mist, coalesce into the air, and then zip into the jar and fill it up a little bit more because that's what your relationship is."

The Close Family and Closure: An Analysis and Breakdown of Taylor's Issues in Hell or High Father

...and the way he addresses and, in Taylor fashion, downplays the problem, and denies its lack of solution.

(I have transcribed the majority of this scene, and below the cut is my line-by-line breakdown and analysis, as well as some other tid-bits.)

hello! ever since i got into dndads, taylor has been my favourite. i found his extreme escapism and dumb confidence fascinating, and as you may know, i love finding scenarios for him to break. it's, like, at least half of my fics at this point.

this episode is my favourite episode, it broke me, and it pieced me back together but Wrong in all the right ways.

this analysis is focusing on the taylor of it all. the motivation behind his words and the changes in his cadence and the denial that still, despite everything, refuses to fade.

i've never written an analysis post structured like this, so do let me know if you like it. i just... i really love taylor.

okay, let's go!

1. "Well...''

Nicky: … I didn't see a lot of Taylor's growing up and that was—that was fi—like we're cool now right, Taylor? Taylor: Fuck yeah dawg— Nicky: See?

to start off, taylor's instinctive answer is to agree with nicky. because well, yeah, they're chill now, that's true, so of course the first thing he does is agree. and i gotta say that i was expecting taylor to leave it at that, because he's not one to dig deeper when he doesn't need to, and even when he does.

Taylor: Well…

taylor says this immediately after his first answer and oh ny god i got SO excited. but this ain't about me. anyway. taylor finally admitting that they're actually not 100% cool is such a big fucking step argh i am so proud of him forever and also so sad for him forever...

Nicky: What? Look, I'm back now, and I'm super tight, and we hang out, and we can do samurai shit together, and we're fuckin'—we're tight as fuck.

this part makes me so sad because nicky is so ignorant to how his absence has affected taylor despite his frustrations at glenn for not being there. and also, this sort of reasoning would have worked on convincing taylor back in early season two. in fact, it did!

[Season 2 Episode 10: Dad Me To Hell]

taylor is completely satisfied with this reason because it feeds into his main character syndrome. his dad left to protect him. what better reason is there? and now he's back and there and able to do cool shit with him, so everything is perfect, right?

but the next thing taylor says is so fucking heartbreaking:

Taylor: If I'm gonna be honest, Dad, I've kinda been hoping and keeping an eye out for time travel magic so that we could go back in time, and you could be there for me.

the way he trails off as he says it, and he loses his confidence in his words... it shows an unfamiliar shyness. we've never seen taylor be this vulnerable before. and to think that he'd been holding out hope for time travel magic to fix his childhood? that perfectly aligns with the idea that taylor is so stuck in his anime escapist fantasy that he can't accept what's real. and magic is real, so therefore he must be able to fix his past, right? it's not impossible for there to be time travel (see. end of season 1 + see. attack on titanic.) but taylor doesn't realize that this is something that can't be fixed so easily, even if that magic were available. he doesn't believe that this can't be fixed. more on this later.

Nicky: [grunts and falls] Uh… um… I didn't know you felt that way. Taylor: Yeah, you know, it's just, when I was practicing my jutsus I could have used some pointers. Nicky: Yeah, but like— Taylor: As a result, I've developed a number of very bad habits that I'm told are very hard to break. And, you know, just watching YouTube videos is not the same as having a dad who can fight.

in the past, taylor has used anime to cope with his absent father, and he relied on the fictional characters to bring him the same comfort a father might bring (this was mentioned by freddie in one of the teen talks and while i've been relistening i've yet to find it. do forgive me as i am merely mortal) while this isn't directly referring to that, i still feel it's worth mentioning, as taylor is confronting his own unhealthy coping mechanism and acknowledging that no, youtube videos aren't a replacement for a dad. he couldn't fill the absence of a father with anything else in his life no matter how hard he tried.

also, taylor is smart. he knows that he has unhealthy coping mechanisms or "bad habits" that he can't break and he knows that they're caused by nicky's absence. i just wonder how long he's been stewing over that, you know?

as shown earlier, when taylor first met nicky and found out why he wasn't there, he accepted it immediately, knowing it was the coolest reason for a father to be absent and only fueled his protagonism.

but now, taylor's confronting his own issues surrounding nicky, and explicitly addressing them to nicky.

*wipes a tear*

i'm so proud of him.

Nicky: Wha—I mean, if it's training you want, we can train you, and like, you see your grandpa there— Taylor: [sighs] It's too late. I needed to start when I was three to five years old like true ninja warriors.

there is something so cutting about the way taylor says it's too late. he's talking about training to be a ninja warrior on the surface, yes, but that's not it.

it's too late. it's too late for nicky to witness his upbringing. it's too late for taylor to grow up with a loving father figure. it's too late.

and taylor knows that, and he's saying it, but he's still masking it with it being about training to become a ninja when in reality it's so much more.

this is just one example of the way he downplays the issue. he zeroes in on just one aspect of his life that nicky wasn't a part of, and speaks as if it's the main issue, when really it's only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.

Nicky: Oh, well, I mean— Taylor: So I'm already trying to play catch-up a little bit, but you know, I guess it's water under the bridge. But you know, if there is time travel magic, then you know, maybe, or if you find it, you could maybe… pick me up on the way back… to the past, and you know maybe we could do childhood all over again.

taylor is playing catch-up with training, but he's also playing catch-up with having a father in his life.

and again, he downplays it, says it's water under the bridge, when it's so very clear how deeply this has been affecting him his entire life.

and to top it all off, he brings up time travel again. and the way he says this is so un-taylorlike it's jarring. the uncertainty of the maybes, the trailing off, the voice so quiet you almost can't hear it...

he thinks there's still a chance to redo it and fix things, but i feel that deep down he knows it's impossible, that it doesn't work like that, and yet he's still grasping at straws to try and make things better.

it's... it's really sad. i feel really sad for him.

and the way he says he wants to redo childhood. as opposed to only talking about training, here he actually says he wants to do childhood all over again, and it's so, so quiet. and taylor is never shy. it's so clear how badly he's hurting over this.

god. okay.

2. "I didn't even know where you were."

Glenn: So we're cool. Nicky: So, we're cool. Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nicky: We're just three cool guys. Taylor: Well…

i love how taylor isn't backing down on the fact that nicky fucked him up. like the gates are open and they can't close back up that easily. he's not accepting them just being three cool guys.

Taylor: Well, I'm just saying—you know, I could have, y'know—not to put too fine a point on it, but Dad, I would have appreciated if, you know… I didn't even know where you were. I 23&me-d my ass, and they sent me a picture of fire, and the cops showed up! There was a white van parked outside of our house for three years!

again, i really notice the change in the way taylor speaks, he's more unsure, quieter, and uses more filler words (such as "y'know"), and it feels as if he feels bad about making nicky confront his faults as a father but he's pushing through it anyway, because he has to.

and i absolutely love the throwback to episode ONE with the 23&me test! like this had been brewing from the start! i just think it's fantastic for it all to build up to this. like yeah. taylor didn't know WHO nicky was or WHERE nicky was and trying to figure it out only led to more danger for him.

Nicky: [gets on one knee and puts his hand on Taylor's shoulder] I guess I never got to properly apologize to you, did I?

Taylor: Well, an apology won't really turn back time, and I don't know how I feel—I would rather have the time travel magic.

this is so cutting. like, yeah, an apology won't cut it, and taylor immediately circles back to time travel magic, as if it could fix what's broken when it really, really can't.

i also find the trend of time when it comes to the close boys to be very fascinating. glenn got locked up in time prison, nicky's childhood was split into two timelines, and taylor thinks time travel can fix his broken relationship with his father?

god damn.

Nicky: Well, I didn't even get to explain—I was in Hell. I was worried that these fuckers [pointing at the other kiddads]— Taylor: Yeah, those fuckers. Nicky: —would have chased after me if I'd gotten out of hell. Taylor: So you're telling me that these fuckers kept you away from me all these years? Nicky: Yeah, you know what? It was these motherfuckers! They are the reason I didn't get to spend time with you because they betrayed me! Taylor: That makes sense; I just saw the memory! Yeah, yeah!

thinking about how taylor immediately agrees with nicky in blaming the others for his absence, because, well, yeah, shit's complicated and they are definitely part of the reason, but the fact that taylor is so on board of whole heartedly blaming them after chewing into his dad about not being there is just so sad. like yeah, of course he doesn't want to be upset at nicky. and it hurts so much that he is.

god.

oh my god.

okay, now, i didn't transcribe the entirety of taylor's memory, i actually summarized it and quoted some key aspects of it, so here:

Taylor's first belt ceremony. He's performing, and he finishes, and he bows, and he looks up. His mom is there. He's sniffling a bit and Cass asks him if he's okay and comments on how he moved all the way up to green belt, and he says he knows. He looks over to the kid who was supposed to get green belt but didn't because of him. The kid is whining, and then his dad comes in and gives him a big hug and—

"It's okay son, I saw how hard you worked, and in my eyes, you're a black belt. Come on, let's get ice cream."

The kid says thanks and they hug and then they leave and Taylor watches them leaving through the window and sees the child and father and mother smiling together. Taylor looks down at and then throws away his green belt.

"I think I'm done with karate."

Taylor gets kicked out.

that line that the father said to his child really hit me, because taylor never heard nicky say that to him. ever. and that was all that he wanted, really. like, "i saw how hard you worked," as in, i was there, watching you, practicing with you, supporting you, i saw you, i see you, i'm here, i'm here with you. and "in my eyes, you're a black belt," in my eyes, you've worked so hard, in my eyes, you deserve more than what you got, in my eyes, you're strong, in my eyes, you're capable.

things nicky never saw, and things nicky never told him.

and then, well, taylor quits.

a memory defining taylor's relationship with nicky. a memory where he wasn't there. a memory where he didn't see taylor's growth. a memory where taylor gave up on an ambition. a memory of absence.

anyways.

Nicky: I'm really sorry— Taylor: I'm kind of sensing a pattern here to be honest. Nicky: Yeah, I'm thinking that maybe the things that your granddad did, I do now. I'm thinking maybe I fucked up in the exact same way… Taylor: [lays a hand on Nicky] I think you fucked up in the same way too. Nicky: Okay. Well that's good. That's good for us.

god. oh my god. the fuckign pattern. i'm so sorry this part makes me lose my coherency all i can think of is how sad it makes me idk idk guys im sorry. you get it. taylor saying yeah you fucked up in the same way and nicky learning that and accepting it. oh my fucking god. like. i dont know theres something about the acceptance of it that really gets me. at the start of the conversation nicky denied it, and here he is, after seeing a memory of taylor doing something he wasn't there for, and now he's like yeah, yeah. i did fuck up royally.

3. "...there is no fixing this."

Glenn: What if we started over? What if we tried to kinda give it a little bit of a reset, and try and make some new memories together, as this sort of team of three? What do you think about that? Is it stupid? I dunno.

Nicky: What kinda memories are you talking about?

Glenn: Well I was thinking we all go to Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, and start everything off on the right foot! It's been so long since I've been to Disneyland, and, I dunno, let me show you all the secrets. Let me show you all the hidden Mickeys. I never got to show Taylor how to get over nine-hundred-thousand points on the Buzz Lightyear ride. And you! Nick, I never showed you the secret entrance into Club 33 that only I know about, and it requires you to go through the sewers a little bit.

I mean, what do you say? Maybe we can do something about this whole fucked up Close family. Maybe we could bring it on back a little bit. What do you guys think?

Nicky: Yeah, sure, yeah I mean, I like Disneyland as much as the next guy. What do you think Taylor?

Taylor: What's Disneyland? I don't understand, what's Disneyland?

now listen, i know that taylor not knowing what disneyland is was just because of the whole doodlerized world thing, but i feel like it also really highlights the disconnect here. like, glenn wasn't around much in nick's life but they knew each other and yes glenn went to disneyland without nick a lot and yes nick liked universal better and if i got into their relationship it would take far too long and i don't feel particularly equipped to tackle that which is why i'm focusing on taylor, but i think that taylor asking what disneyland is highlights the disconnect between him and nicky. nicky and glenn are talking about something that taylor is completely lost on, and to me it really shows the disconnect between all of them. first off, nicky likes universal studios better than disney, second of all, taylor doesn't even know what disneyland is. they grew up in different realms, and they grew up around different people, and nicky was never there, which means there's so much taylor knows that nicky doesn't, and so much nicky knows that taylor doesn't and so much of that knowledge and those experiences can never or will never be shared.

Nicky: Oh yeah, good point, I guess it's on a previously Doodlerized world now with a bunch of really fucked up shit in it.

Glenn: I'm just saying that like—give me a chance. Give me a chance to try and make up for all the—well—you know what? No, no, no, no, no, I can't make up for any of that stuff.

it's true. this solution is like putting icing on top of an overdone cupcake. temporarily sweet but it's still bitter and burnt. (i'm sorry if that doesn't make sense, i don't bake.) but like when you burn something you can't just. un-burn it. sure you can put icing and sprinkles and all the fun stuff and maybe you can wash out the taste but that doesn't change the state of what's underneath.

that's their relationship to me.

Anthony: As you're saying this, without even wanting it to, tears are rolling down your cheeks, and in that moment, you, and Taylor, and Nick all realize that there is no fixing this. That this is as good as it's going to get. That you are all stuck with each other in the forms that you are now. You see daddy magic—that same daddy magic that exited Ron and Terry's body, emanate from their bodies like a fine mist, coalesce into the air, and then zip into the jar and fill it up a little bit more because that's what your relationship is.

ah yes, finally, we reach the end.

this is what their relationship is. it's comprised of missing connections and missed experiences and misplaced memories and absences and longing and searching and finding one another only for it to be too late. it is comprised of absence as opposed to love or hate or anything in between. the nothingness that is absence is their relationship

how depressing.

if i'm honest, i think nicky still has a chance. obviously he can't fix anything with taylor, but i really do hope that he tries to be proactive in taking part in taylor's life from here on out, that is, if taylor even survives this next episode, oooh scary.... hahaha anyways.

i hope everyone enjoyed this essay! i started writing it the day the episode came out but schoolwork kinda took over me.

i wanted to get it out before this episode's teen talk so that's why i finished it tonight, but i may reblog with more thoughts, who knows! we'll see! :3c

i do also encourage you guys to check out my art for this episode specifically inspired by that last anthony quote there.

and of course my thoughts are not the objective truth, i am a mere university student, ignoring my school essays to write one for tumblr <3

bye-bye! <3 :3c

[il-predestinato]

Let’s test your speed writing shall we? 😛

Hmm… my favourite number maybe? 38 🥺🧡

38. "Small Talk" by Katy Perry; pairing - lestappen (what a surprise!)

I just can't believe We went from strangers to lovers to strangers in a lifetime

So... Al, this one completely got away from me: it’s um... slightly longer than 5 sentences (2093 words apparently).

send me an ask with a number between 1 and 100 and I'll write a 5ish sentence fic inspired by that song on my 2022 wrapped playlist!

Title: One Day

Summary: The Monaco Grand Prix is cursed.

Day 37

Max always remembers. Charles always forgets.

Max remembers the address of Charles' apartment in Monte Carlo. (Charles told him on Day 5. Not too shabby, thought Max, for two people who were never friends and closer to enemies.) This time, he goes there first. The speech is well-rehearsed by now. It was a blabbering mess on Day 9, and Charles nearly tossed him off the balcony. (Day 10 was worse; Charles actually called Christian, fuck his life, and nearly called a sports psychologist before Max yeeted his phone off the balcony in desperation.) By Day 13, Max had a polished version of 'the speech'. By now, he could probably rhyme it off in his sleep. Not that it ever yielded any better results, so he abandoned this approach on Days 30 to 36. And that got him nowhere either. So back to square one.

He waits patiently for the five stages of grief to cycle past on speedrun; to give Charles some credit, despite the lack of memory retention, he did seem to get over it quicker and quicker each time. Perhaps something of each Day lingered, even if it wasn't remembrance per se.

"So it's always at Nouvelle Chicane or Le Portier?" questions Charles, hands rubbing at his temples.

Max nods, and then shakes his head. "At the Swimming Pool once," he amends. "On Day 12, I think... a crane fell on my head."

"Why was there even a crane?!" Charles groans, scandalized.

Max shrugs. He hasn't even told Charles about Day 31; a jewel thief literally ran across the race track and smashed a briefcase full of diamonds straight into Charles' helmet at 285 kph.

"So sometimes you die, and sometimes I die?" mumbles Charles with a frown.

"It doesn't matter who," confirms Max. "Then the Day restarts with my alarm going off at 7 am."

-

Day 38

"You've got to be kidding!"

Max is trying not to smile, but Charles looks absolutely petulant.

Charles glares at him. "I died at La Rascasse?" He throws both hands up in the air. "Like... how?! La Rascasse! At the hairpin?! I drive faster to the supermarket, mon dieu!"

"This time I think you took Lando with you -"

Panicked green eyes met his. "Oh, putain!" screeches Charles. "Did I kill Lando? Oh my God, oh my God. Max, please tell me I didn't -"

"Relax, mate." Max rubs both temples. Why is he always cursed to remember? "Everything resets. Lando will be fine."

"But are you sure?" insists Charles anxiously.

Max squeezes him gently on the shoulder. A little shiver runs up his arm, and he's not sure why. This wasn't exactly their first physical contact off the track. (Some Days he can remember more vividly than others; he's not quite ready to admit that the hug from Charles is the reason he remembers Day 9 more clearly than the 29 days that followed.)

"I promise," he says softly. "I got both George and Lance on Day 24, and they both came back just fine the next day."

-

Day 40

“Okay, what if we kill someone else first?”

Max is both impressed and mildly alarmed. It really didn’t take Charles all that long to make the leap from ‘wallow in despair about the unbreakable curse’ to ‘let’s move on to murder.’

“It won’t work.” He shakes his head. “Day 17. Toto and Helmut sort of decapitated each other mid-race, but the Day didn’t end until Carlos put me into the barrier.”

“Toto and Helmut did what?”

-

Day 43

"Tell me what happened yesterday."

Max freezes. The ache in his chest hasn't dulled at all.

Yesterday.

“It’s easier if I show you,” he murmurs, as he tries to ignore the sting in the corners of his eyes.

He steps closer to Charles. He hesitates.

The problem is that he has spent 42 Days with Charles, while Charles has spent none of those Days with him.

He laughs inwardly. But then again, Charles won’t remember this Day either, so what does he have to lose?

Boldness, grief, desire - seizes his chest all at once - and he gathers Charles’ face between his hands; for a fraction of a second, he realizes that Charles isn’t flinching, isn’t moving away. He kisses the soft lips, the very same ones he kissed for the first time yesterday.

Charles kisses him back. And it’s like it was yesterday again.

-

Day 61

It’s worse when he is the cause of death.

-

Day 87

No, it’s worse when Charles dies in his arms.

-

Day 90

He’s wrong again. Nothing is worse than seeing the grief in those green eyes as Max dies in his arms.

Max wants to rip at the gaping wound in his chest. Let him bleed out faster. Let it be tomorrow already.

-

Day 91

“Tell me what happened yesterday.”

Max laughs and sobs. (He sobs in joy.)

He thanks all the stars that Charles didn’t remember. That Charles never remembers.

-

Day 113

“I wish I could remember,” confesses Charles. “It doesn’t seem fair that you know so much about me, and I know almost nothing about you.” He traces his hand along Max’s exposed chest, nestling his face deeper into the crook of Max’s neck.

Max lets him explore. He selfishly loves it. There’s a certain awe in Charles’ expression that he adores, the way he “learns” (relearns) Max’s body each time.

“It’s better that you don’t,” he teases, going for levity this time. “It’s the only way I can guarantee you mind-blowing sex every time, like you’ve never experienced.”

Charles punches him lightly on the sternum. (Max smiles; it’s kinder than the mean little pinch Charles gave him on Day 99.)

“Let’s stay in bed today,” he suggests. “No racing today.”

Charles nods, pressing a feathery kiss to his collarbone. “Maybe that’s the trick.”

Max doesn’t have the heart to tell him that they already tried: Day 7, Day 21, Day 78, Days 103-109. If anything, they always died faster.

-

Day 188

“I love you,” Charles tells him.

Butterflies dance in his chest, and Max fights to maintain composure, just like he did all the previous times when Charles said those words. “You’ve only been with me for a few hours.”

“More than half a year,” corrects Charles.

Has it been that long? Max doesn’t say out loud.

He squeezes Max’s hand on their way out the door, on the way to the race track (on the way to their doom).

“Even if I don’t say it tomorrow, or the Day after that, or for a few Days,” insists Charles. “Just remember that I love you. Always. Even if I don’t remember it.”

-

Day 213

Charles dies for the fifteenth Day in a row.

Max prays to a deity that he doesn’t believe in.

-

Day 219

Charles dies for the twenty-first Day in a row.

Max curses the deity he doesn’t believe in. He vows to let the world break its fucking neck if it means he can keep Charles.

-

Day 220

He tries a different approach. He reaches for all the ugly parts of him that he once swore he would never become.

“- and that is why you will never win the Monaco Grand Prix,” he snarls at Charles, even as he feels his chest - his whole body - fracturing. He wants to bite until he bleeds and swallow his own tongue, but he ploughs on for Charles’ sake. “You will never live up to what you promised your father or Jules -”

Charles punches him. Hard.

It hurts.

He’s glad it hurts. Maybe if Charles hates him, like the universe did, maybe then - just maybe - he might live.

-

Day 224

“I didn’t mean it,” he swallows thickly. “I didn’t mean any of it -”

Charles kisses away whatever apology he was trying to form in his throat.

He can’t help but think: If Charles could remember, truly remember, he would never forgive me.

-

Day 330

Today, he doesn’t go to Charles at all.

Maybe he is the problem.

The poison that feeds this curse. He is the constant variable after all, the part of the equation that dooms them to this eternal purgatory.

-

Day 359

Charles tries to go to him.

He never accounted for that.

Max wants to open that door. Just one twist of the door knob, and Charles will be on the other side. Beautiful, kind, brave Charles. He wants -

It takes every might of his willpower to pull his hand away from the door.

-

Day 362

It’s raining. It never rains. This Day is always, unfailingly sunny.

Charles is in his arms once again, bleeding out on the pavement. The rain tries to wash the blood away. Tries to wash Charles away.

He’s crying, but Charles can’t see that, because the rain washes his tears away too.

“I should have been with you.”

All that wasted time. And for what?

He hasn’t seen Charles for twenty-two Days, but the green eyes that stare back at him are calm, even as the life behind them fades with every passing second.

“You’re with me now,” whispers Charles weakly.

“I love you,” he sobs. He doesn’t care if he’s practically a stranger to this Charles, the one dying in his arms. “I’m so sorry.”

When Charles’ eyes close at last, his face is peaceful, almost the hint of a smile tugging on his lips. A little bit of pain departs with the last breath that Max releases before his world fades to black.

-

Day 363

Charles launches a baguette at his head, and Max cannot believe the man still insists that he doesn’t possess a single iota of French ancestry.

“You abandoned me for how many days?” Charles’ accusation makes him flinch harder than the impact of the baguette on his forehead.

“Schat, I -”

Charles growls at him. “Don’t ‘schat’ me! First of all, I have no idea what that means -”

Max makes an offended noise. Charles loves his pet name, if only he could remember.

“Second of all,” continues Charles relentlessly, “I may not remember, but I felt it.”

That causes Max to fall silent.

“Oh.”

Charles sniffs, picking up the discarded baguette off the floor. “I don’t know how to explain it, but even when I don’t remember, I feel all of it. I can feel everything we went through.”

-

Day 365

Some Days are easier than others. He’s not sure which Day this one is yet. A quick, painless death after a long, beautiful day of laughter? They even made it past the actual race twice. (The first time, Charles drowned in the Monte Carlo harbour during the after party; it remains the one and only time he’s ever won the Monaco Grand Prix, which Max continues to tease him about. The second time, Daniel accidentally cracked Max’s skull with the podium champagne.) Or will it be a painful, drawn out death after a gloomy, joyless day? (Max is still embarrassed about that time he slipped on a bar of soap in the shower on Day 81, ending the Day about 15 minutes after it had started.)

Charles lays a bowl of tomato soup in front of him.

(Max once told him that he loved tomato soup. Maybe 150 Days ago. Maybe earlier than that. He mentioned it only once. Not that Charles ever remembers.)

Somehow Charles always remembers.

“So what’s the plan today?” asks Charles lightly.

The morning sun is streaming through the pearly white curtains, and a crown of light dances around Charles’ soft brown curls. A soft breeze through the open window wafts the tangy aroma of tomato soup towards him.

He takes Charles’ hand in his own and pulls him down so he can taste him on his lips.

“Just being with you,” he whispers, and his heart lightens when Charles rewards him with a dimpled smile. “If I have to live one Day over and over again, then I’m going to spend that Day with you.”

He understands now.

He thought the universe had cursed him. Had cursed them. But even a single Day with Charles was a gift. And he got to relive it over and over again. He won’t waste it again.

-

Day 366 Tomorrow

The alarm doesn’t go off at 7 am.

He only wakes up when the warm duvet is rudely snatched away from him, leaving him shivering in the crisp morning air. A pair of ice cold feet burrows their way into the warm space between his thighs, and a whiplash of messy brown hair makes his eyes sting after settling on his pillow.

-

Hope you enjoyed, @alestire

That kind of... spiralled.

[haztobegood]

⭐️ Annual Writing Self-Evaluation 2023 ⭐️

I love doing this every year. (2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022) I can't believe I've been writing for six years now! I looked through my past annual posts and got a bit emotional, it's amazing to see how much I've grown and changed.

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 7

2. Word count posted for the year: 11,572

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction, Music RPF (The Snuts)

4. Pairings: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Louis Tomlinson/Jack Cochrane, Louis Tomlinson/Bodyguard

5. Story with the most: Kudos: No (Birth) Control Bookmarks: No (Birth) Control Comments: Good Dogs Don’t Bark

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): Chaos is a 100 word drabble that I'm very proud of. I tried for months to write a Louis/Bodyguard fic for the Louis Rare Pair fest and it just wasn't coming together. Putting a hard limit on the word count was a fun little challenge that helped me get the idea down on paper. At first I didn't know if I could build a steamy plot in so few words, but it worked out in the end and I couldn't be happier with it!

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): Of the stuff posted this year, I'm not unhappy with anything, but if I had to rank everything, chapter 2 of Good Dogs Don’t Bark is at the bottom of the pack. I was in a weird mood writing-wise when I wrote that chapter and it reminds me of that time whenever I think of it.

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: @allwaswell16 read Chaos on her podcast! I dedicated the drabble to her for inspiring and encouraging me all year when writing has been a struggle, and for being such a supportive mod for @louisrarepairfest!

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: All year! This is the least I've ever written since I started. Life has been full of big changes and it threw off my writing habits. I've also been very stuck in my head about certain aspects of writing that I never used to think twice about. I'm hoping now that life has settled and I've got somewhat of a new routine figured out, I can set some intentions and build up my habit again, because I really miss writing.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: This scene from Baking Memories made me burst out laughing when it came to me:

Looking down at his six little pies, Louis is starting to feel like a proper baker. Jack finishes up his last and says, “Alright, let’s top ‘em.” “I bet that’s your favourite part,” Louis jokes raising his eyebrows teasingly. “At least these don’t talk back when I’m topping.” “Oi!”

More under the cut.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: From No (Birth) Control

He picked up another potato. Twisting the paring knife expertly around the spud, the thin brown peel sliced away from the white flesh in smooth, practiced movements. It was easy for Harry to get lost in the meditative efforts of slicing, dicing, and peeling. Just two potatoes remained when Harry caught Louis’ piquant scent through the open window. Harry paused his singing and peeling as he breathed in deeply. His sense of smell was always attuned to his alpha, but this close to heat the pull was even stronger. The back door opened. The scent enveloped him, stronger than the savoury aroma of the roast, as Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s middle, hugging him from behind. Harry melted back into his touch, forgetting about the half-peeled potato in his hand. “Hi baby.” Louis said, leaning in to drag his nose along the curve of Harry’s neck in tender greeting. “Alpha,” Harry sighed, tension he didn’t know he’d been holding meting away. He could stay like this, content in his alpha’s arms, forever. Louis licked up the side of his neck. The blatant scent marking sent shivers up Harry’s spine, and a light nip of sharp teeth over his bondmark started to make him wet. He would be half-tempted to bend over the counter, if it weren’t for the roast cooking in the oven and the twins playing in the yard. Harry bit back a whimper. “Lou, no,” he groaned. “I need to finish dinner.” With all his resolve, Harry gripped the paring knife tighter and focused his attention on peeling the remaining potatoes.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: I've learned to be patient with myself. I have a lot of wips that I've started in 2019 or 2020 that aren't even close to being finished. I used to be so frustrated that I couldn't finish them, but now I've learned that sometimes the wip needs to sit in the dark cavern of the drafts folder to age like fine wine.

13. How do you hope to grow next year: I want to be more intentional about setting time to write. I miss having a regular writing time and want to be able to work on some of the exciting ideas I have.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): @allwaswell16 and @himynameiszayn are the most supportive friends, they were always around to offer advice, help me think of words, and cheer me on when writing was hard. I don't think I would have written half the amount of words I posted if it wasn't for them.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: I listened to The Snuts so much this year after seeing them play during FITFWT, so it was only natural for me to write a fic featuring Jack. I love the silly Christmas video the band shared a few years ago and knew it was perfect idea for the fic that became Baking Memories!

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: I touched on it a bit above, but sometimes taking a pause on a wip you're struggling with is a good thing. Give yourself grace to move on when an idea isn't coming together the way you want. It doesn't mean you need to give up on the story completely, it might just be the wrong time.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I am looking forward to writing something for @wankersday again, and I am getting closer to finishing my alien!Harry fic that's been 5 years in the making!

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I tag @banaanipoika9 @louandhazaf @hazzabeeforlou @beelou anyone else that wants to do this!

[queerofthedagger]

Got any Merlin fic recs? Any pairing will do!

Yesss absolutely do I have recs!! Imma list you a couple of my all-time favourite fics, but you can also check my fic rec tag, or my ao3 bookmark recs for merlin for more (or send me another ask, I should do more recs anyway tbqh!)

For all listed authors I can say with certainty that all their fics are absolute bangers so that's also a good place to look for more. I tried to keep the recs on the shorter side, but if you (or anyone really) wants more recs, feel free to hit me up with more specifics too!! (It might just take me a while sometimes…) Hope there's something in here for you <3

---

World Enough and Time by alicephantomwise [Merthur | 18k | E | ccntuaw]

Tags: Modern AU | Spies & Assassins | Violence | Angst with a Happy Ending | Pining Arthur | Not Actually Unrequited Love | World Travel

Summary:

Arthur had had it all figured out. And then Merlin shot him in Beijing.

Notes: This is my all-time favourite Merlin fic, which is saying something because I'm usually more of a canon-era girlie. It rewired my entire brain chemistry though and I don't think there is any piece of literature that I've re-read as many times as this goddamn fic. Just. jesus fucking christ

---

The King and His Sorcerer by alicephantomwise [Merthur | 1,5k | G/A | MCD]

Tags: Canon Era | Angst | Prose | Epistolary | Ambigous/Hopeful Ending

Summary:

But lest you forget, this is not a fairytale.

Notes: Same author. I would pay all my money, my first born, and probably half my family for them to return to fandom, I'm not joking. Just something about their writing that completely eviscerates me.

---

Onfidan by astolat [Merthur | 15k | M | no warnings]

Tags: Canon Era | Magic Revealed | Battle Couple | Monsters and Mythical Beings | Merlin's magic loves Arthur

Summary:

Arthur didn't speak to him for a week after he found out.

Notes: Look, if anyone ever was a classic for a reason, it's astolat, no contest. All her fics are absolute bangers, obviously, but I have just such a soft spot for Merlin & Arthur hunting monsters and fighting side by side, and this one simply delivers on all fronts no matter how often you read it.

---

Tintagel by seperis [Merthur, Ygraine/Nimueh | 20k | E | ccntuaw]

Tags: mental coercion | magic reveal

Summary:

They would pay any price that was asked, Nimueh whispered at the end, trembling with exhaustion, desperate, pleading, anything, anything at all. Just give her this child. Give her the son he stole from her.

Notes: This fic is single-handedly responsible for all of my absolute unwellness over Ygraine, and if you've been here for a while you know that that's a lot. Seperis is generally an absolute gem of an author though, and I can't rec all of their stuff enough!!

---

Winning the Battle by @prattery [Merthur | 5,5k | T+ | no warnings]

Tags: Canon Era | Arthur Pendragon Lives | Post-Episode: s05e13 The Diamond of the Day | Arthur knows about merlin's magic | angst with a happy ending

Summary:

This husk of a man wears Merlin’s face and has Merlin’s magic, but he’s not Merlin. Merlin’s gone. Albion has claimed him as the price for Arthur’s victory at the battlefield.

Notes: This fic fundamentally changed me as a person, like, woah. I don't know what to say about this except, I love angst, from the bottom of my heart, but I've had the sequel on my tbr for over a year and I am, hands-down, terrified of it. It has a happy ending!! But christ, the angst. Her writing in general is an absolute gift which is not at all why I jumped at the first chance to bother her about it lmao, so like, recs for all of her stuff - 100/10 would recommend, just bring some tissues.

---

this graveyard of forgotten love by @atlantablack [Morgwen | M | 11,8k | ccntuaw]

Tags: The Dark Tower AU | BAMF Gwen | Unhealthy Relationships | Gwen has Magic | Unreliable Narrator | Angst with a Hopeful Ending

Summary:

Gwen has never fully managed to shake her love for the lady who had once sworn to keep her safe. Now locked in a tower by that same lady, she must face a truth she's long kept buried (even from herself). An exploration of grief, anger, and the inability to let go of someone you once loved (even when you should).

Notes: If you want some stellar morgwen angst, atlanta's fics are the way to go; she single-handedly dragged me into the pairing, and I've been stuck here ever since, much to her joy and regret, so !! Also morgwen aside, if you like your Gwen with some goddamn agency, she got you <3

---

Deluge by Suaine [Merthur | 50k | M | no warnings]

Tags: Canon Era | Post-Season 1 | Magic Revealed | Arthur knows about Merlin's magic | Quests & Curses | Coup

Summary:

In the aftermath of Merlin's battle against Nimueh, the rain seems a minor complication, perhaps even a cleansing influence. When the rain doesn't stop, Camelot is pushed to the brink once more. This time, Arthur may be in over his head. Contains: a lot of wet boys in emotional scenes, Arthur knowing more than he lets on, Merlin being an idiot, both of them being a bit stupidly heroic, telepathic chess, rain (lots of), war, making out against a tree, coincidental druids, co-opted history, co-opted myths, magic, coming of age (metaphorically), and more magically annoying yet surprisingly un-floody water than you can shake a stick at.

Notes: This is such an insanely good, insanely underrated fic! The vibe of it is just really specific in a way I can't really explain, the plot is super unique and intriguing, and the writing is an absolute gem. Also I'm just a sucker for a good characterization of Arthur and ohhh boy does this one deliver.

---

Tiercel by waldorph [Merthur | 6k | Mature | ccntuaw]

Tags: Canon Era | Magic Revealed | First Time | Myth & Legends

Summary:

Arthur is constantly at war.

Notes: This is one of the most stunning pieces of writing I've come across in A While honestly, and I love love love how it kind of makes the show feel like a legend - I don't know if that makes sense tbh, but like, I think it does once you read it. Just, absolutely insane story-telling tbh.

---

Right Back Where I Began by giselleslash [Merthur | 4k | M | Underage (both characters)]

Tags: Childhood Friends | Friends with Benefits | Oblivious!Merlin | Pining!Arthur | Merlin/Others | Arthur/Others | Fluff

Summary:

Arthur and Merlin are friends, and each others go to for the in between times, but maybe they were together all along.

Notes: The only other modern au on this list, but SO deserved - I love tropes that get flipped a bit, so oblivious!Merlin is already a win in my book, but then there's just... I don't want to give away too much, but there is something so damn special about the resolution of this fic, it makes me want to cry every single time. Like. god. the love, it's all about the unconditional love, at the end of the day! mwah!!!

---

Good to Eat a Thousand Years by ghosttopiary [Merthur | 2,5k | M | ccntuaw]

Tags: Canon Era | Tenderness | Getting Together | Vignette

Summary:

He kisses his lover on the nape of his neck and thinks this is why men go to war. A shameful thought.

Notes: This is also pretty short, but on god this fic does something to me every time I read it, the vibe of it is just so specific and absolutely breath-taking.

[joanthangroff]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

I was tagged by my dearest @lalalenii 🩷

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

99 but I WILL reach 100 before the year ends!!! Mark my words!!!

2. What’s your total A03 word count?

1,218,112 🫡

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Arrowverse, Glee and Teen Wolf mostly

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

I can reach any star (1,185 kudos)

what if we were demigods (1,038 kudos)

I just wanna have fun and (get rowdy) (1,012 kudos)

sign of the times (688 kudos)

trying to solve a crossword (and realizing there's no right answer) (630 kudos)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do, but sometimes it takes a while. I read them as soon as they’re in my inbox but unless it’s urgent I promise to answer them later and then it can take months 🫠

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh, definitely leave behind your heartache, cast away!! What’s angstier than death?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

no return and no deposit :)

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

Not often, but it happens.

9. Do you write smut?

I’ve tried a couple times but it’s never good 💀

10. Do you write crossovers?

I’m working on the obligatory Barry-Allen-and-Sebastian-Smythe-are-the-same-person-fic but otherwise not real ones. As in, I don’t usually let characters from different fandoms meet. I do regularly write stuff influenced by other fandoms or put characters in the world of another. I do have some ideas for full crossovers, though.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Somewhere out there, someone translated my Thiam fics to Russian.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yup, back in High School during class 😂

14. What‘s your all-time favourite ship?

[sweats in St Smythe]

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My Chicles Tschick AU :(

16. What’s your writing strengths?

Dialogue!

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Action. I am very bad at describing movements.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I used to write fic in German, then made the jump to English. I think it works better when you’ve consumed the og story in the same language. (For example, I was very scared how I got the voices in my Leverage fic because I only watch it in German but wrote in English. Thankfully other fics and gifs helped 😂)

Or is this specifically about when someone speaks another language? I think in that case it depends on whose PoV you’re writing – nothing irks me more than someone not knowing a language and yet it says “X heard Y say, “[proper sentences in that language]”. I don’t think that’s authentic. I always try to make it clear when the person doesn’t know what the other is saying.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

all the ones that you adore.

I am tagging @simpledontmeanpeachy, @sophiainspace and @pikechris :)

[maggie0li]

any sombra fics you can recommend ? :0

Had to dust off the old fimfiction for this one aha :'D

I have a pretty high standard when it comes to sombra stuff, I only have about 100 fics favourited among the 2000 something or however many about him. I used to more frequently read mlp fanfiction but I don't really anymore :/ season 9 kinda ruined Sombra and sadly a lot of the new fics use his new personality (though to be fair he didnt have much of one before LOL)

Anyway here is my top 10 list of Certified Sombra Bangers (Sombrangers?). In no particular order:

Regarding Falling Villains (naturalbornderpy)This was one of the first fics I ever read and it is AMAZING. It's a Twibra fic, not really that serious and it was more lighthearted, it's about Twilight and the Princesses trying to reform him. naturalbornderpy is one of my favourite fanfic writers as well, he's amazing at writing funny in-character humour :D he also has a few other fics about Sombra but I think this is his best one

Sombra: Saga of Hatred (HiddenUnderACouch) https://www.fimfiction.net/story/125519/sombra-saga-of-hatred This is like a biography of Sombra, basically going through how he ended up as King of the Crystal Empire. It is amazing and impactful and I think about it way too much even to this day, when I read it in 2019. Sadly it was never finished and its last update was in early 2017 but I'd highly recommend it, it's incredibly high quality and surprisingly immersive

A Sparkle in the Darkness (tom117z) https://www.fimfiction.net/story/414136/a-sparkle-in-the-darkness Omg, this fic was so amazing. It's basically about where Twilight gets curious about Sombra after his defeat and begins reading up about him. There's a bit of a twist I won't spoil, but it's mainly about Twilight and Sombra's relationship (not Twibra shipping though). Absolutely S-Tier :D

Dinner With the King (naturalbornderpy) https://www.fimfiction.net/story/219841/dinner-with-the-king Another one of naturalbornderpy's fics, but this one isn't so funny and is more of a horror-drama from what I can remember. In the height of his initial reign over the CE, Sombra takes six guests to his castle to have dinner every month. And none ever return. Stomach-twisting and haunting. Sombra is more villainous in this one than Regarding Falling Villains

The Crusader King (naturalbornderpy) https://www.fimfiction.net/story/274736/the-crusader-king Okay, yeah, another naturalbornderpy story. What can I say, I'm a fan. This one is more like Regarding Falling Villains and is much lighter in tone, kind of comedic. Haven't read it in a while but iirc Sombra gets tied up to working with the Cutie Mark Crusaders: shenanigans ensue. Iirc as well I think it goes into his background briefly.

Unfortunately, I Am The King of Equestria (Sofa King Zill-E) https://www.fimfiction.net/story/374058/unfortunately-i-am-the-king-of-equestria This one is a certified funny haha, but technically there's actually no Sombra in it. Sombra has just defeated Celestia and conquered Equestria after returning! Only for some random human man to wake up in his body and replace Sombra's soul. Shenanigans ensue. It's pretty funny. However, like Saga of Hatred, it was never finished and hasn't been updated for 6 years. I highly recommend reading it

Sweetie's Shadow (Note Sketch) https://www.fimfiction.net/story/214170/sweeties-shadow Comedy and slice of life that gets progressively darker. Sombra gets magically attached to Sweetie Belle's shadow, essentially becoming the 'devil on her shoulder'. Very good, but again, unfinished. I recommend it though, it's a good read with an interesting read (kind of like A Sparkle In The Darkness)

The Fairy Tale Fiasco (LaWombat) https://www.fimfiction.net/story/401496/the-fairy-tale-fiasco This is a Twibra fic. Kind of like Regarding Falling Villains? Basically, Sombra attacks while Cadence and Shining Armour are off on vacation. Magical mishaps happen and he, Twilight, and Spike are sucked into a book about fairy tales. Cue some character development and reformation. A pretty good read that I binged in one sitting

Plural Possessive (Aquaman) https://www.fimfiction.net/story/243196/plural-possessive Utter chaos and ridiculousness. It's brilliant! Basically, kind of like Sweetie's Shadow and A Sparkle In The Darkness. Sombra, bitter over his season 3 defeat, comes back intending to steal Twilight's body. But there's one thing he doesn't foresee: the mare changed her address, and Sombra accidentally possesses Dinky Doo instead. Shenanigans ensue. Light-hearted comedy

Dark Arts and Kind Hearts (Boomstick Mick) https://www.fimfiction.net/story/295671/dark-arts-and-kind-hearts A Flutterbra story this time. Sombra returns after his season 3 defeat and a successful battle sees Celestia begrudgingly giving him some crime-infested land and the choice of one of the Mane 6 to choose as his bride. He picks Fluttershy, who is forced to become his wife. Story follows her and Sombra establishing a new kingdom and liberating it of crime. A good read. Serious content warning though for NSFW and explicit gore/violence

Those are all the top tier fics! Some honourable mentions:

Exile - Blade Star

A Meal Fit For A King - Bucking Nonsense

Tales from the Dark Side of the Mirror - GrimWolf, Legends from the Dark Side of the Mirror - GrimWolf (this is mainly about the alternate version of Sombra, from the Reflections comic: where he's a good guy. unfinished though)

The King of the Night - Pen Mightier

Alicorn Princess - Bad Dragon

A Somber Tale: FIENDship is Magic - Maltrazz

Little Sparrow - Mitch H

Hope this helps you :'D

[jackwolfes]

thank you for tagging me @sixofsol !! 🥰💖

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 

144 on my public pseud, 85 in my lil anon collection, 3 floating around secretly in another anon collection, and about 10-15 super super old ones that i orphaned from various asunder fandoms over the years. so at least 232, probably closer to 250 (dear god)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,688,252 words of non-orphaned works (dear GOD)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

primarily six of crows/SAB netflix, but recent fandoms that i might write more for soon include: red white and royal blue, percy jackson, winter’s orbit, bbc merlin, the last binding series, & the pulleyverse 

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

hours (whumpy firstprince fic)

you owe me for blowing up my bed (sab verse missing scene)

like putting on a costume (wesper PWP)

gorgeous (wesper PWP)

a choice of two locked doors (wesper arranged marriage)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i always try to!! but i’m not the best at it all the time 😅 i make more of an effort to reply to comments that are longer or that draw out particular parts of the fic that the reader liked!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i’m a big slut for a bittersweet but hopeful ending rather than angsty ones!! like possibly my ghost jesper fic because the final scene is Quite Literally wylan dying but like, that’s kinda happy given context???

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i am still personally enamoured with the vibes in the final scene of ACOTLD 🥰 and it makes me very happy! so! that one! 

8. Do you get hate on fics?

uhhh most regularly i just get snarky gobshites trying to be like, clever and smug about shit, which never really works because i generally don’t care? but then also i sometimes get transphobic hate speech so idk 😅

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i can't answer this non-sarcastically but like YEAH I'm a VERY HORNY WRITER and I feel like it says more about you than me if you haven't been able to guage that 😅 idk I have gotten a lot tamer though by including porn in longer fics compared to the very explicit collection of PWPs I used to write?? 

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

the closest i’ve gotten to crossover is sneaking shadow and bone characters into SOC fics! or like, the most subtle of references and cameos when I need random OCs like Easter eggs 

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

a few times but i’ve always been vindicated by the fact they’ve never been well done? like it's always been word for word plagiraism (and also the ao3 abuse team is very good at taking things down)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

not that i’m actually aware of! just podfics sometimes which has been nice 😊

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

never finished one but i’ve got 2-3 wips being co-written with my girlfriend atm 😊

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

i feel like it’s a cop out to say wesper but like,,,, 😅 idk! i like my lil stupid guys!! i like their vibe! 

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I think my problem is that I'm delusional enough to think that I will finish literally all of the WIPs I have started and want to finish even though that's like, 100 fics or something idiotic 😅

16. What are your writing strengths?

Themes and foreshadowing I think!! Like running themes for sure but I've had definitive compliments on my plotting before! I also think I'm pretty good at dialogue, especially arguments, and narrative tension/feelings! 👀

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i am not very good at cutting my darlings which means things get a bit meandering and diluted sometimes 😅

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i can get behind it in certain circumstances! personal preference is to translate large chunks of text ie "'[English words],' he said in [language]" but I do write individual words like pet names in other languages 

19. First fandom you wrote for?

fucking hetalia when i was like, 12 🫥 but i have also in past written for: homestuck, haikyuu, yuri on ice, the adventure zone (balance & graduation) and (CONSTANTLY forget this) miraculous ladybug! some of which are better than others ngl 😅

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

well this is like asking me to pick children & is also cruel when i have 230 of them klajdsfsadjfk  UHHH? i mean this is wicked cheating but im really attached to the bridgerton au i haven’t actually finished yet! it’s fully written, but needs editing, and one that i really really like!! in terms of fics i’ve POSTED, i really like “not just girls” (trans egg wylan), “you yearn to feel no hunger” (SAB-verse coda/character study) and a real deep cut, “only imaginary people disappear to peru for ten years” (missing scene from the lost future of pepperharrow)! idk i like a lot of the fics i’ve posted which is a nice position to be in 😅

most folks i know have done this i think but tagging: @kelliealtogether @apricior @doorsclosingslowly & anyone else that sees this & fancies it 😇

[kiki-shortsnout]

Thanks for the tag @magicaltear Sorry it took me so long to respond! 😊😊

How many works do you have on AO3?

Too many,🤣 seventy-nine at the moment, but it’ll be eighty soon, once I finish this new mammoth story!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,127,841, holy hell!🤯

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, Marvel, although I am starting to slide into the Star Trek fandom, late as always. I’m working on a long retelling of the Wrath of Khan fic from a Spirk perspective.  I did use to write for Final Fantasy XV a while back, and I’d like to revisit that someday. I’m also eyeing up the My Hero Academia fandom and Yuri On Ice.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

OO, interesting question, for some reason I just cracked my knuckles in excitement.🤣

Stringless – 2,044

Betwixt – 2,023

Obstacles and Opportunities -1,523

Counterfeit Boyfriend – 1,368

Ternion- 1,299

You know what, I’m really surprised by number four if I’m honest. I was always under the impression that one hadn’t done very well, as usually the fics people talk to me about are Stringless, Betwixt and Love, Dreams and Coffee Machines. It’s a pleasant surprise, but I’m a little shocked!

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes, I try to respond to them all, sometimes things get in the way, and I forget, but I’ll always respond, it might just take a while! But I do appreciate all of them and the kudos, and occasional screams in my Tumblr inbox. It really does act as a motivation for more stories!💞

6.What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh, this one is easy. It’s Without You, it’s the only really sad story I’ve written. I mean, I love putting angst in my writing, but this is the one where Tony was dealing with his grief of losing Stephen, and he doesn’t get him back.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think all my fics have happy endings if I’m honest.💞

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yes, unfortunately, they tend to range from: Why are you writing about this couple? Why aren’t you writing about the couple you just did? I don’t like reading about this pairing. I’ve recently had a few saying my writing is awful, or my take on a story is awful.

I think that’s the risk you take with posting things online, which is saddening as I don’t think people always appreciate how much work, effort, time goes into any creation, be that art, fics, or mood boards. I’ll be honest, it can drag you down at times, and it has made me want to quit a few times, but the fandoms I’m in are incredibly supportive and welcoming, so I try not to let the few bad comments overwhelm the positive ones I have.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I think most of my fics have smut in, unless they’re the small prompt pieces I worked on, and I write all kinds, to enhance the plot, without a plot, multiple partners, solo self love.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven’t no, but I I do have a request sitting in my inbox for a IronStrange/ Star Trek crossover which I really want to work on!

11.Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Back before my AO3 days yes, and when I confronted the writer about it they were very apologetic and took it down. I’ve had people take my stories and post them on Goodreads and I’ve had to fight with them several times to take down

12. Does not exist apparently

I’m not even 100% I exist if I’m honest.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven’t, I’ve worked with artists on stories before and that’s been incredibly fun.

14.What’s your all-time favourite ship?

I’ve had loads, but the one I’ve written for the most is IronStrange, although I enjoy writing for FrostIronStrange more.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I actually have a half-written JohnLock one sitting on my laptop, but I’m not sure I’ll ever get back to it. I love the idea and I love writing it, but I don’t know if I can get their voices quite right and I keep losing faith in it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I’ve always been told it's my characterisations and emotive writing, which are huge compliments.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I would say it’s writing action/fighting scenes, I always leave a place card saying ‘Write fight scene here’ and go back to it at the end. I just…find writing them tedious and I don’t think I always get the movement right, or the stakes, if that makes sense?

I struggle with pacing too sometimes….like I want to get to the good bits of the story and skim over the other bits.

18.Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

The only other language I know is French from what they taught at school, and unless you want me to write a story where I need to order stationery and tell you where the library is, it’d better if I just stuck with English.😂😂

If I did need dialogue in another language, I’d reach out to an author who I knew could speak the language.

19.First fandom you wrote for?

Beyblade, way back in the olden days…..or actually, maybe it was Lord of The Rings?

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

I’ll always have a soft spot for Stringless because it was the first IronStrange I’d ever written and I was so nervous about writing for Marvel and posting it, and Ternion because again, I’d never written a poly couple and I was really anxious about writing Loki.

But the fic I enjoyed writing the most was Betwixt. I was devastated when I finished writing that because I’d poured my soul into it. I wrote it on pieces of scrap paper during meetings, I stayed up late working on it, and I got up early to write it. I always enjoy the stories I work on, but that one holds a special place in my heart.

I’m desperate to write a sequel for it.

Tagging @the-elle-kat @atypical-snowman @jeromesankara @xoniarainforest and anyone else who wants to play!

[lumosatnight]

20 questions for fic writers!

Thanks for the tag @acnelli (x), @schmem14 (x), and @indigo-scarf (x)!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I just reached exactly 100 works! Low-key so happy that my Pansmione soulmates fic was #100.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

301,754!! I am actually shocked by how high this is.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling (97)

First Kill (TV 2022) (1)

방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS (1)

Wednesday (TV 2022) (1)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

What is this, fucking Jeopardy? [Drarry, E, 20.4k]

White, the colour of flowers [Drarry, M, 3.2k]

A Heart So Colourful ♡ [Viktor/Ron, E, 1.5k]

Impervius, Not [Drarry, T, 5.0k]

7 Days of Halloween: I Don't Feel Like Myself Anymore [Wolfstar, E, 29.7k]

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Oh heck yeah! I love getting and responding to comments. I've met some wonderful people in the comments section of fics.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Your Cigarette Smell [Sirius/Narcissa, E, 9.7k] with canon-compliant character death, so I think you know where this is going.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Any of my fluffy fics? Maybe Lavmione in Lavender for Morning or Nottpott in Silver Surprise.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet (*crosses fingers*). I've had some mildly annoying comments (like saying how they disliked background Dramione in a Drarry fic I wrote), but nothing to make me wanna bash my head against the wall.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Umm... yes. I am currently in the middle of posting the smuttiest, most depraved series I have ever written for this year's Kinktober.... so check it out ig?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not so much crossovers but heavily inspired by other stories. I wrote Dronarry in a Sandman AU and also Hermione/Daphne in a Twilight AU 😂

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of...

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! My Nottpott fic was translated into Russian. How cool is that??

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have done art collabs but never co-written a fic. Definitely something I'd love to try. Maybe it'll happen next year!

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Idk there's too many to choose!! I probably read Drarry the most, but I think that's mostly because there's just SO MANY amazing Drarry authors. I can honestly be convinced to like any ship if I like the writing style and the story. I'm a huge rare pair and femslash shipper!!! The communities are just so wonderful 💖

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Never say never! But I'm really lacking motivation to finish my Squid Games AU Drarry fic. I love the concept, but the plot is just not flowing.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Emotion. I like my fics to pack a punch. I think I'm getting pretty good at it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Longfic. It's hard for me to sustain motivation for one idea. I have too many running through my brain at once, and I always get distracted by the shiny new headcanon.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've seen it. I've done it. I'm ambivalent, mostly. I think it can be a great way to show cultural differences between characters. But I also think 90% of the time it unnecessarily confuses the reader because if you don't know the language, you're just going to skip over the dialogue. And if you do know the language, then you'll notice if it doesn't sound natural. Yeah... not a fan when it's just google translated and copy-pasted.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Anything on my Author's Favorites list! From recently though, maybe my Perciver strip chess fic 😉

Tagging (no pressure): @crazybutgood, @anaxandria-writes, @sugareey-makes-stuff, @givereadersahug, @orange-peony

[capybaraonabicycle]

Hiya! For the writers truth & dare ask game, I'd love to know about..

🕯️On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? Why is that?

🍄Share a headcanon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

❄️What's a dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best? (also, which character would be involved)

🌿Give some advice on writer's block and low creativity (or energy⚡if you like)

🏜️What's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

🌸Do you have any pets? If you do, post some pictures of them

I'm btw planning on reading more Righting Reflex in the evening, I just really need to get at least one and a half more tasks done today for my portfolio. Sending you much love 💚🦎

Thank you, love!! This is way too long, so I will put it under a 'read more'

🕯️On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? Why is that?

Maybe a 3? Like, I don't hate it but I'm not too fond of it either. I enjoy reading what I have written more often than not and I like putting [GERMAN WORD] or [TBD - WRITE SMTH ABOUT XY] ever so often while writing, but I don't enjoy changing the story afterwards much. I rarely change big things, usually only a scene or two and a few expressions. That said, I have to read every scene like 15 times before posting to scour for errors - and I am certain I am missing so many anyway.

🍄Share a headcanon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

Okay, let's go with fugitive Doctor/River. (Did you expect this by any chance? ;) )

You know this bit:

source

[ID: two gifs from The Husbands of River Song of River saying "Do you know who you remind me of? My second wife!". end ID]

People have been speculating that she is talking about 13, which I get, definitely. But I want to argue that it is the superior interpretation that she would be talking about the fugitive Doctor (or another incarnation the Doctor has forgotten about but where would be the fun in that?). For the following reasons:

Vibes. This is the important point. River says 12 reminds her of the wife, so they have to be alike-ish. And I feel like 12 and the fugitive Doctor have a certain similarity in their demeanour. I think a big thing is how they hold themselves upright, actually, but also the whole Danny calling 12 an officer when the fugitive Doctor actually is one. Also the underlying kindness both of them possess and the end-life-crisis. They both lose all of their companions (Clara, Bill and Nardole vs Karvanista, Gat and Lee - one lives on but they can never see them again/forget about them, the other two die (or that's what they believe at least) and it is their fault) and I would argue they both are thinking about not regenerating this time. (I reckon the fugitive Doctor does not have a choice though.)

Loss. See the last point. The Doctor loses everything in fotj. Give her her wife, at least, please. Let River bring her some love and companionship <3 13 loses a lot as well but she's got Yaz. Which also leads us to:

Thasmin. Like, you know, if River had been tangibly in the 13th Doctor's life in any way, thasmin would have kissed. 100%. They didn't, so River didn't marry 13, simple as that.

Timelines. River does not know about more faces of the Doctor and well, 13 is older than 12. Of course, she could lie to her and yes, River gets married a little carelessly, so she might have married some John Smith!13. But if she met the fugitive Doctor - who seems very different from the timelord she knows and has no recollection of the Doctor's life, it would be easy for her to draw the conclusion that the Doctor is just some other person going by that name. And the fugitive Doctor would forget about her, of course. There's also a good possibility, River isn't actually married to the Doctor but to Ruth.

Time, Doctor's side. Honestly, 13 just doesn't have enough time to get married to River. Am I still hoping we will get those two on screen (or audio) together? Of course! But 13 is kinda busy, most of the time we either see her with the fam (who don't know River, see lotsd) or very occupied with stuff (like apocalypses or prison).

So, yeah, headcanon: The fugitive Doctor is River's second wife.

(The first is Cleopatra, right? Like Idk if there is canon confirmation but it feels true.)

❄️What's a dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best? (also, which character would be involved)

Okay, when I read this question, I thought I wouldn't have any idea. But I have. Several. Lets start. Fics I would will into existence if I could:

Full-length Little VVomen.

I know we won't get the movie, but I'll gladly take it as a novel fic. Just for an explanation: Little VVomen is a parody trailer for a crossover of Louisa May Alcott's Little Women and the horror movie VVitch (I assume, I don't actually know VVitch). And it is glorious. Just -

- If it's about a girl, make sure she's married by the end. - Does it have to be to a man?

lives in my head rent free. I want a full story of Jo March saying gay rights, writing spells and sacrificing innocent men, pretty please <3 And I really, really want to know what's up with the Sean!devil.

This is the trailer btw:

Anyone write this please? (If I could choose, I'd ask Sean and Sinead who wrote the trailer, but I fear, I am already stretching the definition of fic here and using the authors of the og trailer probably defeats the purpose of this question.)

2. Strax fairytale!! written by you :)

Strax as a fairytale protagonist is SUCH an inspired idea and I am hoping very much that you will get round to it some day. But I can't really tell you anything about that that you don't know better yourself.

Or, maybe, I can: I have become kinda enarmoured with the 'Strax as the faithful Johannes' idea, I have always adored that tale, mainly for the tragedy and extremely strong friendship theme. Like, it is so clear that the king's most important relationship is his friendship to his servant. The princess is lovely but they barely know each other, yet. And I think there is SO much potential to improve the abduction scene and the ending. So, yeah, I have been turning that around in my head a bit.

But no matter which tale you will pick, if you ever write a fic for him, I am sure I will absolutely love it!

(also, like, I could mention any of the fairytale ideas you have told me about, here)

3. Heather is an integral part of s10 by @marvellouspinecone

You remember that genius powerpoint Pine made, I assume? Wouldn't it be spectacular if someone wrote that as a fic for me to read? I would choose Pine as the author because she understands the vision best, of course. But, like, I am so grateful already that the powerpoint exists for me to read and dream about :)

(Hi, Pine, not sure you want to read the whole post, but you might see the tag. This is not a request, please don't understand it as such, because that would be incredibly impudent on my part. This is just fancy ideas of mine and a praise to your vision <3)

4. Tenteen is played by Jo Martin by DiscipleOfBrad

So, I actually enjoyed the 60th anniversary (at least wild blue yonder, that much very much had a premise of my type of dw ep) but I still believe we could have done better than bringing back dt for the umpteenth time. (Listen, he is lovely, don't get me wrong, and I liked '14' too, but just - )

I have written a post about why I think making the fugitive Doctor's face return would have been a more interesting choice and I would still love to read it as a fic.

I don't really care whether it would be a simple retelling of the three eps with her instead of tenteen or a completely different tale. I WOULD like to see Donna though (because can you imagine?? Also that scene where Donna just acts like she knows the Doctor all of a sudden? When the Doctor doesn't even really know herself but feels like she should?) and if we could spring for some Karvanista on top, that'd be ace <3

I would give this one to DiscipleOfBrad because I trust them to write a convincing fugitive Doctor. I really enjoyed her in The Cul-de-Sac (which btw I can highly recommend if you'd like some soft thasmin and an intriguing premise. There is a heavy side of whouffaldi, though, I'm not sure whether that is your thing?).

🌿Give some advice on writer's block and low creativity (or energy⚡if you like)

I feel like it always helps me to get myself into a 'I can't do anything else now anyway' situation? That's why trainrides are so good for writing. I just need to be in a situation where I can't take care of more pressing matters, so it won't feel overwhelming if I don't take care of them?

Like, I will rather scroll tumblr than work on my thesis but I won't write. But if I am away from wifi, I might not be able to work on the thesis anyway, so I will easier find the peace of mind (and hence energy and creativity) to write?

Idk maybe that's just me. Maybe it's not working at all either. Honestly, I don't quite know where energy, creativity or motivation to write come from. They just knock and then they're there.

🏜️What's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

Well, obviously, I adore long comments, who doesn't? But just saying 'long' feels both greedy and like cheating, so let's talk content.

I think, what excites me most in a comment is when I can sense the enthousiasm? It doesn't necessarily have to be for the content of my fic, I had someone write 'YOU MADE A CROSSOVER FOR THESE TWO FANDOMS?? THEY'RE MY FAVOURITE!!" and it made me smile for a day. Just, I write those things because I love the characters and themes and if someone shows that they share this passion? That's community, that's what we're searching for, isn't it?

But also I got a comment today that was just a bunch of predictions about the next chapter of my current fic and that felt amazing! Generally, when people notice things or I feel they have been paying attention, that is SO GOOD. That's probably also why we love long comments. I mean, generally, every second you spend reading the comment is gold, so the longer the comment the more seconds there are, but also a long comment will usually go into detail. Make predictions. Notice things. Talk about how they perceive the characters and why something made sense/surprised them. Quote your fic back to you. And like, all of that is so much fun. It's like reading your story again, remembering why you wrote it. It's the best feeling in the world.

I very dearly love comments.

🌸Do you have any pets? If you do, post some pictures of them

I don't 😭 The place where I live doesn't allow pets and besides, I am away a lot and not planning on staying in this town much longer anyway. So, yeah, it'd be difficult to have a pet. I really, really want to though. Preferably a cat but I'd be so happy with a dog as well. Or a turtle? Or bunny? Or a lizard? I think you could make me happy with almost any mammal and many types of reptiles <3 (not much into insects or fish though. And I feel weird about birds in cages.)

[auncyen]

tagged by @cateringisalie - tagging @darrelodin, @bad0mens (but don't feel obligated obviously!)

How many works do you have on ao3? 138

2. What’s your total ao3 word count? 434,082

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Persona 5, Octopath Traveler 2 are the active ones; previously wrote quite a bit for Bravely Default and some for Final Fantasy VII.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Perhaps unsurprisingly, these are all P5 fics. Also the top two really ARE the two fics I started on the p5 kinkmeme lol! (They had non-kink prompts as well)

When the Cat Dragged In the Trickster (2172) - AU where Ann is the PT leader; when Morgana runs away, he recruits the delinquent who sits behind her in class. Hiatus'd for way too long, I do want to resume it I just kind of. psyched myself out hard lol

Our Partner is Who? (1471) - no metaverse AU. Plays fast and loose with how Japanese school works to force Ryuji and Ann to work with "the scary delinquent" for a project. They realize he's not as bad as the rumors say.

Infringe (1039) - not all Joker Palace fics do this (or have a fairly ironclad reason for doing it), but a number have the thieves break the rule of a unanimous vote to investigate Joker's Palace behind his back. This is about how that could go wrong.

Stall and Crash (997) - Things go very wrong during a battle in Shido's Palace when a status effect sends Joker's mind back to the interrogation room.

Overload (623) - Minutes after summoning Satanael, Ren collapses in Shibuya square. Spurred by a prompt about giving p5 a p3-esque end (though, notably, Ren doesn't actually die...but at the point it leaves off, he's not in a good state, either)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to. I don't always. I have a bad tendency to overthink and so I can get myself with "am I saying this right/did I respond to everything/AUGH IT'S BEEN TOO LONG".

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh gosh if you wanna go way back in time to fanfiction.net I feel like some of the Shadow Hearts fic might count lol BUT actually. In recent ao3 memory. Killing Hope is a fic that explores a timeline where Ren sold out his friends in the interrogation room, and now that he's dead and most of the Phantom Thieves are captured, Akechi is setting out to tie up one last loose end. It is 100% a bad time.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Heaven Never Could Describe reunites Maruki and Rumi. Like it could have been even sappier. But it's already pretty sappy.

8. Do you get hate on fic?

Not really. I've occasionally gotten overbearing crit or a backhanded bookmark ("not as good as [different fic with somewhat similar premise]") but in terms of getting outright hate I've been lucky.

9. Do you write smut?

No. Like I have, if you really dig through ao3 and ff.net profiles you can find it, but I barely read it and the stars gotta align for me to want to write it.

10. Do you write crossovers?

No. Occasionally I like to pitch an idea off the cuff but it's rare for one to compel me into writing. Do think p5 x aa fics are fun but I haven't had any particularly strong ideas for one myself.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I haven't had the best luck with partner projects so I always feel like that might just drive me and/or the partner nuts lol

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Tiznes is still pretty nice lol although I feel like OF ALL TIME it'd probably have to be Clerith.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

Overload would be nice to finish but is probably dead in the water. To be fair to myself, it was spontaneously spurred on by an ask and never did have a firm plot to begin with, just headcanon about what couldcause Ren to have a near-death experience at the end of p5. There were some vague thoughts about how to have him recover/how MUCH he'd recover (one idea was that while he recovers enough to do basic self-care like eating/dressing and can hold conversations and do some simple tasks, it's dicey, at least in the fic's time frame, if he'll ever recover enough to be fully self-sufficient in the future and the team recognizes that and tries to help him have a safety net)/even a thought about pulling in p5r elements (it was started before royal came out but has no contradictions iirc) but at this point. it's easier to say "that was interesting but I don't know how to finish it" and move on.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I feel like I'm fairly good at digging into characters and getting their motivations right?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Getting stuck on projects in ways where I feel like I can't even write like I can string one word to another but I've completely lost any perspective of how anything connects in an interesting way

WHEN THE BRAIN FOG ROLLS IN IT'S LIKE SILENT HILL

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Don't lol

I have done it, in a very old Shadow Hearts fic, but honestly unless the POV character has decent proficiency in the target language they'd have trouble parsing it anyway, and if they're fluent they can just understand and "hear" it as...what it means in the language you're writing in. There are occasions it may make sense but I think most time it's more trouble than it's worth.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Shadow Hearts according to my ff.net profile but that's because I deleted my very first ff7 fic off there lololol

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

for all the headache it's caused me I do like When the Cat Dragged in the Trickster

for an oldie tho. I like What Crossdressing Says About Character (ff7 fic about Cloud & Aerith in the sector six segment).

[prattery]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

Thank you for the tag @queerofthedagger <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

242,705, which is absolute madness. didn't even realise i have that much to say abt merlin and arthur lol

3. What fandoms do you write for?

BBC Merlin xx

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

stone cold: the one where merlin was turned into stone. bit heavy i have to admit, no idea what i was on when i wrote it

through storm and hellfire: the one where merlin was kidnapped to force Destiny™'s hand , things went to shit, and arthur went through a Difficult Journey of Discovery (or: the wringer) where he learnt that his dad was not, in fact, a good guy....among other things

flickering embers: the one where arthur lost merlin to the veil between the worlds only for merlin to be spat back out, lose his memory, and become a druid leader

winning the battle: the one where old religion claims everything that makes merlin merlin as a price for the immense magic he used to win arthur's battle

quiet light: the one where merlin stayed mad after agravaine convinced arthur that gaius was a traitor

my takeaway from this is that people enjoy it when i make arthur suffer

5. Do you respond to comments?

i do try but i am genuinely horrible at it. it's so so nice to receive them and i read every single one but i kind of don't know how to respond to them sometimes. one day we will get there

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i did intend for the long way round ANd a line that goes all the way to have angsty endings but oops guess my hand slipped.

the number of times i intended a fic to have an angsty ending only for me to faff with it later... unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on where you stand on this) my mind would not let me rest until I added a happier ending

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

the three trials. it ended well for everybody. and not to toot my own horn or anything but i'm quite happy with it. i think i have a tendency to rush endings generally speaking, but i quite enjoyed writing the ending to this one.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not yet and tbh i'd prefer to keep it this way thank you xx

9. Do you write smut?

i do like thinking about writing it but i just can't bring myself to actually type it out before i give myself the ick. maybe one day

10. Do you write crossovers?

no

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

i think the fact that im still in here 10 (?) years after the show ended on says something about merthur lol. once and future ship init

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

the sword and his shield. i still really like the concept i have for it and i still have the ideas for it rattling around in my head, but i just feel like it flopped. i write for myself and clear my head of plotlines and random bits of dialogue rather than external validation, but it just feels a bit like mumbling into the void

16. What are your writing strengths?

banter and describing emotions that are not my own <3

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

worldbuilding. coming up with the concept is fine, i can do that, but i find the keeping track on them challenging

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

i mean if somebody else wants to do it, go for it, fair play, but personally i will not. only because i can't be 100% sure that i wouldn't get things wrong

19. First fandom you wrote for?

fairly sure i wrote HP (drarry), just never published it. don't remember what it was about, either.

the first one i published on ao3 was marvel (stevebucky). i have not touched it since my return to fandom and tbh im not going to

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

i feel like i should say storm and hellfire because it is my child, it is the longest thing i've ever written, and i feel like it is the only thing i write that resembles an Actual Story (idk how else to put it). i surprised myself by actually finishing it. think it took about two years and i was a bit bereft after the last chapter was posted.

that being said, the fic i enjoy rereading the most (i.e. without cringing) is probably a line that goes all the way. it ticks all my own boxes and caters to all my interests lmao what can i say

not tagging anybody in particular but if you'd like to do this, feel free to say i tagged you xo