#COASTAL BEND

[ziggysinflatables]

[hunnylagoon]

Candy

PT1: Sober to Death

Ellie Williams x Reader

I’m home and here to stay like a ghost to haunt. You can’t shake me off your back for I linger in your head like carelessly uttered curse. Summer falls to ashes in my mouth and so I will spit them into your urn, just like that all of my devotion turns violent.

Premise: After a mental break you are being held together by nothing but glitter glue and craft yarn. You seek refuge with an old friend in a coastal town to live the life you thought you left behind.

Warnings: SENSITIVE THEMES / reader is a recovered addict / mentions of drug and alcohol abuse / angst / brief mentions of violence / possibly triggering discussions of drug addiction

Read at your own discretion

Inside me, something seethes. Inside me, some feral animal has been forced into a cage where it thrashes and screams. Perhaps I will turn into a snarling wolf and rip out the throats of each girl who made me go home crying in middle school. Maybe I will don the pelt of a sheep and surprise all of those who convinced me it was a good idea to try ketamine when I shed my cloak and reveal my long curled claws and fangs sharp as knives.

I'm heartless at worst and helpless at best.

I don't know how else to be. I was raised like a stick of dynamite lit from both ends and I can describe in detail how the earth warps beneath my feet or how I watch the sky bend until it snaps and collapses onto a body too tired to lift it back up.

Everything miles ahead of what I was, to them, I was only ever an addict. Cursed with the nickname 'popper' since tenth grade and everyone thought it to be nothing more than a joke they didn't know how I found serenity in the tablet of acid that rested on my tongue. 

It started with pot and drinking on the weekends then flew into full-blown benders when I swallowed back synthetic sunshine like it was candy. None of my friends thought I would end up with my back plastered on my dorm floor, eyes wide with what once was a bottle of pills frothing out of my mouth. 

It took me two overdoses to get here, had to put my white blood cells to work.

"I didn't think you'd be up this early," Joel smiled at me, he was nursing a mug of coffee, a plate in front of him with a half-eaten piece of toast and a golden yoke running onto the porcelain. That might've been my favourite thing about the farm, fresh eggs. Once you have them you can never go back to the sad pale grocery store eggs.

"That makes two of us," I pulled out a chair from the wooden dining table and sat down. Joel had put so much love into this home. These days I’m too nauseous to eat breakfast.

"Ellie doesn't even wake up this early," He took a slug of his black coffee, the scent was strong, filling up the entire house, I could smell it the second I woke up. "How's the room? Is everything to your liking?"

I had felt so guilty for free-loading off Joel whom I hadn't seen since I was twelve, it had been eight years. He sent me cards on my birthday every year but I never was able to grasp how close our parents had been. I'm pretty sure I was friends with Ellie when I was little, there were pictures of the two of us hugging each other and playing beneath sprinklers, my front teeth missing, Ellie covered head to toe in Spider-Man band-aids. I didn't have any recollection of us when we were close, as we got older we got more stiff around each other. When my family would visit, she would hang out with her friends and I would keep to myself. Of course, my parents moved us to the city where everything hit me too hard all at once. "It's perfect, thank you."

"It's pretty hard to peel yourself off that mattress, huh?" Joel smiled at me, showing me every ounce of warmth he had when I was a child.

I nod in response "So much more comfortable than those stiff dorm mattresses," It almost felt like I was making conversation with a ghost.

"Since you're up so early, care for a tour while I do some chores?" He asked. I had been here a few days already, though I just kept to myself I didn't want to impose on his pleasant life with his daughter who hadn't called him at three am sobbing because she had too many opioids. I had wandered briefly around the farm of course and I had remembered bits and pieces of it from my childhood but I felt so out of place that I mainly locked myself inside of my temporary room and lived through my friend's Instagram stories.

"I'd love to," I smile politely, unsure of what else to do. 

 "Do you think you're gonna go back to school?" Joel asked as he stood up with his plate and mug in hand and began to wash them in the stainless steel sink. "No pressure, there's life outside of a lecture hall."

This was a question I had been thinking about day in and day out. I was a year and then some into getting my degree when my 'fun habits' began spiralling uncontrollably. My parents had managed to snag me a two-year deferral so I could go to rehab and go back to school the following year but I was so full of shame that I shook with the thought of going back. For the first time in my life, I am afraid I have no real desires. 

When I was dead inside a motel bathtub, I thought I needed to be somewhere different but now that I'm there, I need to be someone different too. "I'm not really sure right now, just please don't tell my parents I said that."

"Secrets safe with me," He opens a cabinet and pulls out a bag of cat food, shaking it until a scrawny calico cat appears out of thin air. Pepper happily devours the food Joel puts in her little bowl. I remembered Pepper, she was a kitten way back then and I would cut open socks to make clothes for her. "You should just know that it's never too late."

Very early in my life, it was too late. "Thanks, Joel," Not yet a corpse and still I rot like all of my ambitions turn to sludge at my tired feet.

He looks around, exhaling a deep breath, trying to scope out anything else he has to do in the kitchen. "You outta get geared up, I'm gonna wake up Ellie then me and you can get to work."

I nod in agreement even though I'm not sure what he means by 'gear up' so I figure that's just him saying to put on a hoodie and some rain boots. I stand awkwardly by the door, waiting for Joel. Absentmindedly I rock back and forth on my heels hands clasped together. I'm twenty years old but I feel like I'm twelve again, trying to find a place for myself in someone else's life. 

I thought of the last time I was in this house. I was twelve, unaware of the future that awaited me, I had buried a time capsule with Ellie and her cousins somewhere on this property. Writing to my future self, talking about all of the things I should be. If only she saw the brain-rotten zombie that was her destiny.

My parents had told everyone back home I was backpacking across Australia and taking a break from academics to see the world. In the eyes of those who knew me well and were more than aware of what happened, it was a shame to them that I had wasted a sharp brain and a pretty face. It takes a whole lot of strength the endure myself.

It doesn't take long for Joel to walk back down the creaky stairs, Ellie trailing behind him, sleep in her eyes. She's in boxers and one of Joel's old t-shirts, hair still messy and unbrushed. Ellie yawns and gives me a little wave- it wasn't really a wave, just her raising a hand in my direction as an acknowledgment. 

We hadn't spoken much since I got here, I had met her in the past but we didn't know each other. A lot can change in eight years. She wasn't unfriendly toward me, we indulged in small talk and laughed at each other's jokes but each conversation was so shallow I wanted to lay face down and drown in them. 

Ellie goes straight for the fridge, unlike her dad, she pours milk into a sickly sweet cereal which seems cavity-inducing. She was back from college for the summer, taking advantage of her father's love and food. Joel walked over to where I was standing at the door, slipping into his mucking boots. "While you're both here," He says before looking at me "How much do you know about boats?"

I furrow my eyebrows "A good bit I guess?" I answer, figuring he was just trying to rekindle a spark between Ellie and me that had been put out eight years ago by rain, ocean spray, and vodka.

"Y'know, Els," He gestures towards me "This one used to work at her parent's marina, they tell me she's done a couple of repairs and I bet she could give you some pointers on how to fix up that boat." I'm confused by his words, this is the first I've heard about a boat. Joel can see the uncertainty on my face "Her uncle gave her a piece of shit boat last summer before she went back to school, over the year I guess some teenagers thought it was a good hideout and trashed it even more."

"Seriously?" Her head pokes up "It would be great if you could come down with me later, she just needs a little love," Ellie spoons some cereal into her mouth. I had always thought it weird how people spoke about their boats like they were women, I even caught myself doing it on occasion. "Only if you want to, of course."

"Sure," I agree, no idea how much repair this boat was in need of "I've got nothing better to do."

I could tell Joel counted this as a win. I knew he had been commuting with my parents and how desperately they wanted me to keep myself occupied for the summer. "Well, we've got some work to do, kiddo."

After a solid five hours of following Joel around like a duckling and re-learning all the names of the animals, I was walking with Ellie toward her pickup truck. "Wanna drive?" She asks as we walk to the long beaten driveway

"Oh, I can't." The coolness of the morning has ebbed away into a borderline unbearable heat, I wasn't sure how Ellie was absolutely unfazed in her Jeans, T-shirt, and trucker hat. 

"You never got your licence?"

"No, it got taken away."

She cracks a grin "Jeez, what did you do? Hit a pedestrian?" Ellie teases.

"Something like that," Truthfully, my licence got revoked after I got a DUI and swerved my car off the highway, I was too high to realize the danger I was in and laughed the entire time warm blood pooled from a gash in my head that had to be stapled shut. Luckily my parents can throw money at anything and the problem will go away. 

She hops in the truck, there are little bits and pieces of it that show how it's lived in. A rubber duck with sunglasses sits on the dashboard and I'm partially surprised it hasn't melted in the sweltering heat. 

As beautiful and scenic as the drive down to the docks is, it's also extremely awkward, only on my end, Ellie seems completely unfazed. Travelling down the dirt roads until we finally hit the pavement. 

The salty breeze of Andromeda Cove carries conversations of clubbing and tanning, mingling with the sweet scent of coconut sunscreen and sea salt. Colourful beach umbrellas dot the shoreline. Seagulls glide effortlessly overhead, their calls blending seamlessly with the distant laughter of beachgoers. Quaint shops and cafes line the bustling boardwalk, offering an array of surfboards, souvenirs, and freshly caught seafood delicacies.

The Cove was immune to those gross and bland modern buildings that looked like something I would've made in Minecraft as a kid. Everything down here was local and kept its charm even after all these years. "Do you ever miss it here?" 

"I don't remember much of it to be honest."

"Really?" She asks, taking a turn down to the docks "It doesn't seem like it was that long ago."

"Yeah, my memory just isn't very good." My lungs are burnt and my brain is fried. You could tell me that I was in cheerleading for five years of my life and I would probably believe you. 

"Alright." 

I hadn't remembered her being this quiet but then again I don't remember much, I should probably write down everything I can before Alzheimer's sets in. There are lapses in my mind where memories should live, I recall my life through glimpses.

Ellie takes her keys out of the ignition and hops out of the truck, leading me down the docks. I keep guessing in my head which boat belongs to her and then the second I spot it, I know and how I dread. It's a sailboat or what's left of one, sharpie graffiti scribbled all around it. The word 'wanderlust' had once been titled along the side though the first half was scratched out by what I assume were those teenagers Joel mentioned so it just said 'lust'.

Ellie had no problem climbing aboard, I on the other hand had doubts that it could support the weight of two people, let alone itself. There were chips of white paint scraped off, Ellie motioned for me to get on deck  "How long has this been abandoned?"

She waves me off  "There's freedom that comes with abandonment."

I raise an eyebrow "Sinking in a boat that's docked is a very lame way to die."

"Nah," She says "We can haunt the marina."

She holds out her hand for me to take it and with hesitation, I do. Stepping over the gap between the dock and the boat, I haul myself over the rails. Even in the dark, I could make that climb, it was almost like muscle memory from working at my parents marina summer after summer. "She's a beauty, yeah? In her own special kind of way," Ellie pats the side of the companionway. "I actually made some progress on it last summer, if you can believe me."

"I don't know if I can," I look around, following her as we duck into the saloon.

She reaches for a notebook with a pink sharpie clipped onto it on the table of the saloon and turns to face me "Whoever was here must've been a real wordsmith, what I can't figure out is how the words got out of the notebook and onto my walls." 

I crawl onto the cushioned V-berth to get a better look at all of the writing on the walls. Most of it had been poetry, not Edgar Allen Poe but the kind that only an angsty teenage girl on the verge of a mental break could've written. 

The Statue of Juliette:

May I ask what you have done to women?

That your hands have only learned to harm one

Hand after filthy hand

Is dragged

Groped

Caressed

Prodded

Over my rusted skin

The things I have seen

The things I have endured

No water can clean me

No blanket can warm me

Take a hammer to my bronze flesh

And I will thank you for your kindness

As my body crumbles and clatters against cobblestone

I am eternally grateful

For this is the gentlest act I have ever faced

"I know," Ellie says, and I look back to meet her sharp gaze "A real Sylvia Plath.”

"Is this your candle?" I reach for it on the ground, it's halfway through its life. A vanilla bean bath and bodyworks candle.

She takes it from my hand and gives it a sniff "I was wondering why it smelled so good in here, I just thought that was you." She places the candle back onto the saloon table "So, Neptune's daughter, where should we start?"

I snatch the notebook from the table and flip it open to a page clean of any writing. It takes a little less than fifteen minutes to seek out all of the trouble spots. Ellie followed behind me and nodded to everything that I was saying. 

The boat isn't in nearly as bad of condition as I expected. I suspected that the teenagers who occupied it while Ellie was away at college had all been girls, they took relatively good care of the boat aside from the graffiti, allegedly most of the damage had been there when Ellie got it from Tommy a year ago.

We now sat next to each other in the booth around the saloon table, the ocean rocked the boat beneath us ever so gently, the same way a mother would rock her child's cradle. I missed the sea when I was in college, on a bender I had driven three hours just to be back with it, it seemed the only safe place to let go and be reborn. I liked the sharpness of the air, the vastness of the horizon and the mystery beneath it. I thought I would rise from the seafoam a new woman the same way Aphrodite did but no, I threw up on the sandy shores and called my parents to make it go away.

I give the notebook over to Ellie, a new entry written in bright pink Sharpie amongst the poetry and anecdotes. 

Wanderlust's issues:

Mainsail and jib seem sketchy; Unfold the hoist for a full assessment

Wiring issues are out of my hands but a probable concern-should probably call in an expert

Nav instruments are cracked

Leaks on starboard window, probs cracked moulding

Interior woodwork is original, mainly solid despite a bit of mildew

Graffiti and chipped paint, graffiti likely cleanable (May need a new coat of paint)

Possible rigging issues

Underside? That's a question for the experts

Final Verdict: Wanderlust is a seaworthy vessel in need of some love

Ellie lets out a low whistle "God, I love a girl who knows the difference between a mainsail and a jib." She cracks a mischievous grin.

"You're teetering very close between sexy and crass," I tease her in return.

She seems a little taken aback by my comment, like she hadn't anticipated a response but ignores it nonetheless "What would it take to make you my first mate?"

"I'm sorry?"

"For someone with a bad memory, you seem to know your boats, Joel said that you used to work on charters. You gotta know more about sailing than me. It'll be a fun summer project, get you out of the house a bit."

I furrow my eyebrows as I look at her "You want me to work on the boat with you?"

Ellie nodded. She didn't rush to fill the silence that stretched between us, she didn't bother to sweeten the deal or hunt for some reason I would like working with her. She just let it stand. I looked her in the eyes, trying to figure her out. She goes from being almost non-verbal with me and now she asks me to spend the summer on a boat with her. I wondered if she knew what she was doing at all and if I would be carrying her through this.

I had a feeling that Ellie would become my next bad habit. It's easy to get addicted when everything interests you and nothing satisfies you. "I'm in."

"You won't regret this," Ellie almost jumps up, I swear I could've seen her making calculations in her head "So, I'm thinking we get rid of all this junk and get a good look at it bare bones, make a list of supplies and give her the spa day shes in desperate need of."

On my second day as first mate, I had been scrubbing away inside of the saloon while Ellie did some work on the exterior, my Scrub Daddy was being put to work. By the time I even made a dent in all of the Sharpie poetry, it was nearly falling apart and begging to be killed.

When I emerged from the companionway to replace my filthy bucket of water I spotted Ellie chatting up a girl on a dock. She had long glossy black hair that cascaded down her back in strategic ringlets. "So you're gonna sail on this thing?"

"Rebuilding her first," Ellie tells her, leaning against the railing. The girl she's speaking to looks like she's freezing, denim shorts cropped high and a white tank top.

"Do you need help?" She smiles and even I'm seduced by it. She has tanned skin that she's clearly been working on and sunglasses pushing back the silky hair from her forehead. "I've been on boats, lots of times," Her arms are crossed over her chest. I can see goosebumps all over her legs from the chill brought to us by the gray sky above and the frigid air. 

"That so?" Ellie asks, rising to her full height. A wrench in hand, it looks like the beginning of a really bad movie, not a family-friendly one. She saw me then, standing behind her. I watched her facade drop. Her smile changed as I approached, turning from flirt to friend in two seconds.

"Oh, hey," The black-haired girl regards me like I'm some kind of threat. "So do you need help or what?" 

Ellie looks at me and then back to her "Thanks for the offer but we're all set."

"Do you maybe wanna grab lunch or something?" She completely ignores me.

Ellie shakes her head "We've got lots of work to do, but-" She takes a deliberate pause and I almost cringe "I'll probably be at the shipwreck later. Stop by if you're around."

"See ya'," She grins and takes the sunglasses off the top of her head, placing them on the nose bridge before walking back down the dock.

"Wow," I dump my bucket of water over the rail of the boat "Looks like super difficult work out here, you are so brave." Sarcasm drips from my tone "Without you, who will flirt with all of the hot girls at the marina?"

"No need to be jealous," She says "I'm spending every waking minute with you after all."

I gave her the evil eye but I truly wasn't jealous. I didn't chase the thrill of a fling or late nights with girls whom I would forget by morning. I had dropped that by college and replaced it with ketamine and opioids, I abused liquor like I was its two-faced love. Now the only thing I chased was calmness. 

I wasn't jealous, just briefly reminiscing over how carefree I used to be. 

The tide was rolling and the sky above us was gray and angry as if something was raging within it. "Shit," I mutter, waves shifting from a distant hiss to a closer hush. The air hung heavy, I hadn't even noticed the change in weather from what seemed like the century I spent scrubbing away in the saloon. 

Ellie must've noticed what I was. "So, I'm thinking we should go?"

"You think?" I retort.

Moments later we're packed and rushing down the dock to find her truck. It doesn't take long for rain to begin to splatter on the ground beneath us, it isn't light and gentle, it's harsh. It sounds like pebbles being tossed onto a sheet of glass.

By the time we reach the truck, I'm soaked, hair sticking to my forehead and neck "You didn't want to poke your head into the saloon and say 'Hey, it's looking like there's gonna be a storm'?" 

"I was a little preoccupied," Ellie isn't much better off than I am, she takes off the flannel she had on top of her tank top and tosses it into the backseat, her tattoo out on full display. The rain is so heavy that everything on the outside of her truck looks like a blur. 

"Can you even drive in this?"

"No, can you?"

"No, I told you I have a DUI," The second the words leave my mouth I regret the slip-up. My eyes go wide and a hand slaps over my mouth, I'm acting like I just told her I was the one who took out JFK.

"You didn't tell me that."

"Well," I look forward, ignoring her piercing gaze, "I thought I did."

If not for the rain outside that pounded against the glass as if it wanted to be let in, we would've sat in complete silence while we drowned beneath all of the words going unsaid. My mind begins to wonder, first I think of the black-haired girl at the docks; I hope she didn't get stuck outside in the rain, especially with her lack of clothing. Then I think about what Ellie's thinking, did she know already? Had Joel told her? I'm humiliated all over again like I'd been when the paramedics dragged my half-naked body out of a bathtub.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" She asks. I don't say anything and she takes this as a hint "We don't have to talk about it."

I'm beginning to grow comfortable with the silence. I almost preferred it to the back-and-forth banter Joel and Ellie constantly had, which was more so father and daughter teasing each other.

Joel had probably known more about me than I did, my parents liked to keep him filled in after all. They just loved to keep tabs on me, if it was legal I'm sure they would put cameras behind my retinas and watch my every move. Eight months ago when I was in rehab, that was the most peace I've ever felt. As much as my parents wanted me clean, they held resentment since I ruined my life and was destroying theirs by association. Joel didn't seem like the type to gossip to his daughter but it nagged at me regardless. "Did Joel tell you anything?"

"What do you mean?"

"Just-like," I search through my brain to find the words "Like what I've been up to?"

She shrugged "He just said you are on a deferral and need a break from the city."

"Okay," I say, my voice so quiet it was almost smothered by the obnoxious rain. 

"Are you hungry?"

We had thrown on two jackets Ellie had in the back seat of the cars. She offered me Joel's black raincoat while she humbly took the bright yellow rain poncho. It took everything in me not to laugh at her, she looked like Georgie.

Ellie slung one arm around me, we were both hunched over as we ran as fast as we could. She was shouting stuff at me but I couldn't hear her through the rain, I just nodded in agreement and hoped she hadn't said something awful.

She tugged me left, the deluge chasing us into Salty's for cover. It was nearly dead in there, two other tables, one was an elderly couple and the other was a group of girls, laughing like hyenas while one of them showed the others a picture on her phone.

Ellie wasted no time in taking off her poncho and I didn't blame her, no one wanted to be seen in that. The second we settled into a booth by the huge glass window which took up the entire storefront, an over-eager waiter came up. He was tall, had dark hair and had handsome features, he must've been bored with how slow it was in here. "Hey, Jesse," Ellie said "Can I have water and a big-buck burger?"

He nodded and swerved his body to look at me, "Alright and for you-" He looked up from his notepad and paused for a moment before a huge smile cracked on his face "I haven't seen you in so long!" 

"Hi," I smiled, my mouth hanging openly awkwardly as I tried to recall him.

"Do you remember me?" He asked, his hand dropping to his side "Jesse," He reminded "We used to go to school together."

I had no idea who he was "Oh my god, yes!" I say "I remember."

His smile grows "God, you look so different."

"You too," I gesture at him "You're way more-" My mind falls flat "Grown."

He nods along to my words "Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

Wanting this conversation as soon as possible I nod despite not even opening the menu “Yeah, I'll just get the, uh, big-buck and a club soda.” I repeated Ellie's order.

He jots it down onto his notepad "It'll be right up."

"Ellie, I don't know who that is," I say when I see him retreat to the server station to fill in the order. The entire restaurant is nautical-themed, the walls painted black, and there were nets with faux fish covering every square inch of the ceiling.

"Wow, I had no idea," She says, sarcastically "Damn, your memory really is fucked." 

Trust me, I know or at least I think I do. I disregard her comment "Water? Don't you wanna get rootbeer or something? Joel said you drink so much soda that your blood is made of corn syrup."

She grins "Gotta keep up the tough guy act."

Across the restaurant one of the girls waves to Ellie, this one has curly brown hair and a sundress "Hi, Ellie!"

Her eyebrows furrow "Hey there-um...you," Ellie said "Good to see you again."

The girl smiles slyly at Ellie before turning back to her friends. "Looks like I'm not the only one forgetting people, what's your excuse?"

"There's a lot of girls in the world, I can't remember all of their names."

"You must've gone through every girl in the cove, power to ya'," I say "No idea you had such a reputation."

"You don't know a lot about me."

I shrug "You know even less about me."

"I bet I could guess."

"Be my guest."

She leans back like she's carefully considering her next words, choosing them very wisely before she finally settles "You picked a major like communications and got bored quickly, decided you needed to do some soul searching. Probably read 'Eat, Prey, Love,' then went on a backpacking trip, expenses paid by your parents. Alternatively, you lived in a van and pretended to be a broke hippie."

I shook my head "Very cliche and you were only right about one thing."

"What?"

"I got bored quickly," The rain outside was failing to cease. Across from me, it looked like Ellie was calculating my every move. Her auburn hair was still wet, and from her hairline, a droplet of water dribbled down onto her button nose to rest on her cupid bow.

"Can I have a hint then?"

"No."

I see a realisation hit her "You partied with frat guys?"

I shook my head "I've always been too cool for them." I wasn't too cool for them, I was too fucked up to even know they were throwing a party until someone verbally informed me, by that point all I've ever done at a frat party was break in through a window and steal a keg like the disgusting fiend I was. It was nothing to be proud of, my friends thought it was hilarious and posted it on their Snapchat stories, egging me on and feeding into this sickening behaviour. What wasn't funny was how I got caught and winded up with a busted lip and broken rib. With pupils the size of my iris, I couldn't feel the pain I was in.

"Okay, now you have to tell me."

"I can't, I lose my mysterious allure."

The bell above the door chimes signalling the arrival of another customer and said customer makes a b-line for our table. She takes a seat next to Ellie "Jesse texted me that you were here.”

"Dina, were you at work?" Ellie furrows her eyebrows.

"Yeah, it's not like anyone's buying souvenirs right now and Jesse told me you finally came back," She whips her head to look over at me.

I genuinely remembered her, unlike Jesse. She had buried the time capsule with Ellie, her family and I. I also recalled how her older sister used to give us hand-me-down clothes. "Dina, hi."

She has freckles scattered across her face the same way that Ellie does. Her smile was so comforting, I forgot that I was soaked to my bones and shivering. "Well we should all do something together tonight," Dina grins "You're doing Ellie a huge favour by helping her fix that rig, she better give you some good head for it."

I almost choke on my saliva while Ellie just groans with disappointment like she had anticipated Dina saying something along those lines "D, you can't say that stuff around every girl I'm with, this is essentially my sister for the summer."

Dina raises her hands in defence "Sorry, my bad, I was unaware since you failed to mention that you have my old friend living with you." Ellie looks like she's going to say something but Dina speaks up again before she has the chance to "Let me give you my number."

Wordlessly, I hand my phone over to Dina who fills out her contact information and then gives my phone right back to me. I study Dina's face and her mannerisms, hoping that something might bring me back to my childhood which has been wiped away by every upper and downer you could put a name to. Something about her seemed familiar, maybe we had been closer friends than I thought.

I nod along to whatever she and Ellie are saying, chiming in random bits of dialogue but my mind is stuck on the two of them side by side. They're what I could've been if my family never moved us away and I hadn't turned my brain into sludge.

The life I could've had.

 Ellie smoked from what I knew, maybe Dina or Jesse were into something a little more hardcore. Hardcore? If hardcore qualifies as drowning in a concoction of cough syrup, Vicodin, codeine, and Gatorade to balance out the flavour of self-destruction. The bottles I swallowed to sleep, I showed up to almost every lecture high. Here I was handed what was nearly a good life and I tossed it away for something with a sweeter taste than a stable job and proper education.

The horrors I've committed. No good deed will ever outdo the bad that I have unleashed upon this godforsaken earth. From my clouded brain, paralyzing thoughts come to life to curse myself, the nightmare no mother would wish for her child to endure. 

Relapse after relapse, I would fall sick with the thought of how many times I had to relapse until I was finally clean and that bitter flavour washed from my mouth.

"Are you okay?" Dina asks with a smile and furrowed brows "We kind of lost you there."

It's one in the morning and I want to drink wine then slip beneath the rapid waters that will gladly pull me under and claim me as theirs.

Instead, I opt for a class of water. As Dina had said earlier, she wanted to get a bunch of friends together but the second we got home, I showered and locked myself away. Echoes of laughter and chatter drifted through my window.

I slip down the steps that lead to the kitchen. Outside the rain has finally dissipated and Ellie, Dina, Jesse, along with a handful of people I don't know crowd around a bonfire. The kitchen is illuminated only by moonlight, the moon hung over me as I poured myself water from the tap, a dead thing over a dying thing. 

I have seafoam in my veins and centuries-passed sunshine that induces my craving for some pills that will put me to sleep. Three months completely clean and yet that doesn't end the yearning for the drugs that comforted me more than any human ever had. 

The door cracks open and in comes Ellie, she's laughing and from the uncontrollable giggles, drowsy gaze, and slightly disoriented walking I can tell that she's been smoking. "Hey," She smiles at me, reaching passed me to grab a mug with Garfield on the front and fill it with water but she doesn't take a sip, she just sits it down on the counter behind us and stares at me.

Our faces only inches apart, I contemplate her next move. This close I can smell the marijuana on her and I almost want to scuttle upstairs and light a candle. Ellie hugs me, wrapping her arms around my midriff and letting her head find its resting place in the crook of my neck "Are you okay?"

"Mhm" She hums "I'm just glad you're here, whatever the circumstances are, I'm happy that you're helping me with the boat," I'm carrying almost her full way, and she's slouched against me "I love you man, I know you don't remember a lot from when we were kids but we had a lot of fun together."

"Thanks, Ellie," I give her a little pat on the back "That's really nice of you."

She peels herself away from me, using the counter to lean against instead. She looks me up and down, having an intense staring contest with my pyjamas "Do you wanna come out and smoke with everyone?" She's shed her tank top and thrown over a gray hoodie to shroud her from the oncoming cold.

I shake my head, no "I don't mess with that stuff."

"That's smart," She says "Have fun in your room, stowaway, I'll see you tomorrow to work on our boat," With that Ellie leaves without grabbing the Garfield mug she came in here for.

A/N: Hey, y’all. I’m aware I have a million open docs, I assure you they are all getting some love but I needed to come back to my roots and write some angst. These are some issues I have struggled with and I feel that it’s important to bring attention to it so it’s not taboo.

[cypherdecypher]

Animal of the Day!

Florida Manatee (Trichechus manatus latirostris)

(Photo from USFWS)

Conservation Status- Endangered

Habitat- Coastal southeastern United States

Size (Weight/Length)- 1.2 tonnes; 3 m

Diet- Seagrasses; Aquatic plants

Cool Facts- The Florida manatee is a west Indian manatee subspecies only found in the Florida Everglades and the surrounding coast. They are one of the longest lived subspecies, living up to 60 years. The Florida manatee can safely move between fresh and saltwater, having unique kidneys that heavily reduce their sodium levels while in salt water. These manatees are susceptible to cold weather, resulting in them flocking in massive numbers to natural hot springs throughout the Everglades. Strangely enough, the Big Bend Power Station is a hotspot for manatees in the winter due to warm water being pumped from the factory and into the nearby river. Only 6,000 Florida manatees remain due to an increased number of boat strikes and likelihood of frostbite. Luckily, zoos and veterinarians work together to rescue Florida manatees and release them back into their home rivers.

Rating- 12/10 (Most closely related to elephants.)

[mysticmellowlove]

Subby with Fem!Reader wife who is like the shit. I mean she is very well known around the world for her humanitarian philanthropic projects that she has made absolute bank from. With being the boss she is, she has to travel a lot for work and events.

But what about her poor little (he’s actually tall as hell) husband? She brings him along everywhere. Where ever she goes everyone will always see him there. Holding her hand in paparazzi pics, or standing on the corner of a stage when she is giving speeches.

He said he would be a househusband for her but because she has so much money(and let’s assume he has money from something) that she has house attendants and such so she doesn’t need him too. Instead, she puts him in charge of projects and basically makes him her lap dog that she carry’s in her Birkin everywhere she goes. He just loves being with her and traveling the world for work with her. What a dream.

note; just a lil something something

warnings; fem reader

You two are the world's power couple

With your organisation you usually were on the move all the time, getting to see the world in its most natural forms

Beautiful jungles, stunning deserts, the far reaches of the oceans, some of the most secluded islands... they were all in the palms of your hands.

You had been to Tuvalu most recently to assess the situation there, tornado victims in America, bushfires over in Australia... you had even raised awareness about oil drilling off the coasts of some of the most beautiful places on earth

And right next to you was your husband, a dedicated techie and an intense simp

He runs a tech start-up, one that tries to find alternatives to building and powering their products to lessen the strain on earth

This includes synthetic materials compared to earth's resources, implementing a solar-powered screen and trying to work towards an alternative to wind turbines in coastal areas.

That's why you two did collabs, it's why you two met.

You were drawn to his innovation and he was drawn to your passionate causes

Together you were almost unstoppable, two rich people who actually wanted to help others

Most of your shared money went to charities, building homes, helping the disadvantaged and putting in place plans for the future

Of course, you had a couple of vacation homes in some of your favourite places but those were also used as home bases for your travels.

UN meetings and WHO research, you two were the main funders of these branches and you attended nearly all of the meetings.

Sometimes things got busy though, so you'd send your devoted husband on a little trip

While you took care of things over in America he'd be over in Asia, networking with some of the best technology companies while also offering aid to humanitarian projects

There was hardly a moment when the two of you could actually be alone, either there was work to be done or your house's attendants would be buzzing away

When it was quiet though you two loved to spend some time together, just in each other's presence

He loved to massage you, not because it was an opportunity to touch you but because... it was an opportunity to touch you

His most favourite thing to do though was to rest his head on your tummy and let you play with his hair, he found it relaxing!

He'd let you do anything to him basically but you were always so gentle with him

He's a very spoilt man who gets almost everything he wants

All he has to do is give you puppy dog eyes and he's under the table eating you out while your heeled foot is stroking his cock

He loves being inside you as well, just cockwarming you

If you want him to do something all you have to do is ask but if you want to make things a little more interesting wear a short skirt and then ask, maybe bend over so he can see the swell of your ass

Such a needy man, he'd be on his knees begging for a taste

[thecoffeeisblack]

Final for my Corythosaurus casuarius.

The heat of the midday sun relentlessly beats down on a pebble strewn beach, located in what will eventually be known as Alberta, Canada by an as yet not evolved human population. For now, it is 76 million years prior to any human knowing anything, the Late Cretaceous period. The scene is perfect, the pale surface stretching languidly on the inner bend of a gently sloping riverbank. The water is almost placid, rippling slightly as it meanders its way around the river rocks as they break the surface of the water, a vision of serene stillness.

Dried out vegetation and dead tree limbs line the perimeter between the beach and low-lying coastal plain beyond, forming a makeshift a dumping ground for detritus deposited by the flow of the river during the rainy season. A cacophony of crashes and loud honks signals and end to the otherwise peaceful vista as two male Corythosaurs crash through the graveyard of dendrological remains as they face off with each other.

It's mating season, and these two are vying for the attention of the same female. Both of them are immense, measuring around 29 feet in length and weighing in at nearly 3 ton each. The large crests adorning their heads are flushed with color, and they wave them back and forth in a threat display to make themselves look even larger. Rearing up on their hind legs they bellow as the hollow interiors of the crests aid as a kind of natural resonating chamber. Both rivals lunge forward, crashing into each other, their shoulders bearing the brunt of the force while they simultaneously slam their necks into each other in an effort to tire out the other and throw them off their game, the contest can for hours.

Eventually they slow, their energies drained. Finally one of them falters as a large river rock, dug up during the battle finds itself below the animals food, causing it to stumble and loose its balance. With a last surge of strength the other male uses this opportunity to overtake his opponent, with a massive crash the destabilized titan loses their balance and falls to the ground, the victor raising his head and signaling his victory just as the sunlight starts to fade. 

[amtrak-official]

We are going to be designing a new nonexistent city in a tumblr post soon, what kind of area should we build it in?

[huihuiheart]

Kinktober D13: Three For The Price Of One - Jeonghan, Joshua, DK

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Kinktober 2023 Masterlist

Seventeen Masterlist

Pairing:  Elf Prince! Joshua x Human Princess Reader, Fey Prince! Jeonghan x Human Princess Reader, Desert Dweller Prince! DK x Human Princess Reader

Genre: Fluff, Tiny Bit of Angst, Smut

Summary: A week of diplomatic discussions between future rulers leads to life long friendships, and perhaps even more than that between the four kingdoms.

Warnings: Foursome, Somewhat implied virgin reader, oral (f! receiving, nipple play, unprotected sex, bathtub sex, light biting, dirty talk, some cockwarming themes, praise, cursing, alcohol.

Word Count: 5785

(A map to help you further understand)

Trekking out of the familiar kingdom that you had always called home, the one built into the coastal cliffside was not an easy venture. It was however necessary as the discussions the previous generation had attempted had never ended well they decided to allow their heirs an attempt. At the very least the four would grow acquainted with one another and develop necessary skills for their future rulerships. So your personal guard and your few closest advisors had set out from Steilera to the long established meeting place near the center of the isle Sejan. Meeting the first of the others once you have reached Goshen about a days journey east of the tower. 

His golden hair so light you nearly mistook it for white, the hair looking delicate and soft as it was parting back off his forehead and down over her neck some. A ring of golden ivy around his forehead serves as a crown informing you he was the prince and not any of the other nearly as beautiful men along with him. The point to his ears and his build letting you know that this was the prince of the elves, the only others to the east of the tower. 

Your knees bend in a courtesy as he approaches, head bowing and hiding him from your gaze for a moment, before you’re looking up to smile at him, “Prince Joshua I presume? It is an honor to finally meet you. I have heard many good things.”

Joshua extends his hand for yours first, kissing the back of your knuckles first, before bowing his head until his forehead presses gently against where he just kissed as is their custom, “The honor truly is all mine princess. The tales regarding you since the joyous occasion of your birth truly do no justice.” 

You fluster, feeling a bit out of place as the simple statement reminds you the lifespan of elves in comparison to your own even if that hadn’t been the point, that and the attentions of the beautiful man before you, “You flatter me too much your highness. I’m certain I do not hold a candle to your or any of the others as I am simply human.” 

“Oh, but you could have fooled any man into believing you were a goddess.” Joshua assures easily, before offering you his arm, “Would you please join me for a bit? We were about to have dinner and I’m certain you could use it as well after a long day of travel. I’m certain we have much to discuss as well with how our parents have established relations between our kingdoms. After all, I'm certain that it is only the start of something great.” 

You nod, agreeing easily with him in regards to that sentiment as you allow him to guide you to a seat underneath a larger tent they have set up, the front pulled open so as to keep your pure image intact while still allowing you both to dine together just the two of you.

“Though I do have one piece of advice to offer you before we arrive princess.” Joshua changes from only praise itself as he reaches for a jar of one of the finest elven wines they have brought along to pour you each a glass as you wait for dinner to be brought. 

You thank him, brows furrowing in concern wondering if by chance you’d already done something to offend him, “What is it?”

“The way you spoke of yourself earlier… as almost distasteful… do not speak of yourself in such a light once we arrive. Remember you belong there no less than any of the rest of us. We are all equals. Though we are less familiar with the other two princes and so if they see a spot of weakness they very well just might try to trample you down. Don’t give them such an opportunity.” He settles back comfortably in his own seat, sipping on his wine as he makes that suggestion. Watching you take a shaky breath before sipping your own, knowing that he had a point even if your personality might make that slightly more of a challenge.

“I will bear that in mind, your highness.” You nod in assurance he smiles.

“Ahh that is enough formality don’t you think? We have a long week of discussions ahead and an even longer journey of kingdom agreements beyond that. We ought to grow comfortable with each other, so please do refer to me by my name. I will not be offended in the least. If anything I’d be offended by you not wanting to be friends.” His last statement is teasing and it makes you laugh, but it certainly does break any remaining tension. Something the gentlemanly elf seems to be rather good at throughout the evening and your dinner together.  You leave with cheeks warm at the mix of Joshua’s actions and the alcohol you both had shared that evening. 

The next morning Joshua is offering his hand out to you as you both decide to take on the final day of traveling together. His grip on you steady as you travel along paths not often seeing civilization and certainly ensuring your safety on more than one instance upon the journey. Arriving as the reddened hues of the setting sun begin to fill the sky. Entering the tower to find that one of the other princes has already arrived. Stepping forward to courtesy to the man. His hair is a more golden blonde than Joshuas and far longer, falling past his shoulders. The man having sat himself down at the head of the dining table with a smirk.

“Ahh Joshua you’ve arrived and I see you’ve brought the princess along.” The man announces as if there was a crowd needing to be informed and you see Joshua roll his eyes, but smile a little, going over to hug the man in greeting.

“Good to see you again too Jeonghan.” Joshua chuckles as they hug one another, “Surprised you made it not only on time, but first.” 

Jeonghan flicks Joshua at the playful teasing, “Oh hush, I figured we’d all be wanting to eat upon arriving so I figured we should get here first. That way I could decide on dinner.”

Then the prince who you’d put together based on name and personality must be the fey prince turning his attention to you again, motioning you forward with his fingers, “Come here princess, let me look at you.”  

You’re shyly walking forward, but move yourself to greet him, “It’s a pleasure Prince Jeonghan. I’ve heard much and have been looking forward to meeting you.”

Jeonghan’s finger is under your chin, lifting your head some to bring eye contact, “Such beauty are you sure you’re not part fey or elven? I’ve never heard of a human being so radiant in appearance so effortlessly.” 

“Yah! Jeonghan!” Joshua scolds, smacking him lightly when you’re too stunned by his words to speak. Though Jeonghan simply laughs.

“Apologies princess, I should have warned you about how I am before coming off as quite so overbearing.” Jeonghan apologizes though his grin says nothing about him is genuinely sorry and you are beginning to tell why people refer to this man as trouble, “Anywho dinner is done and seeing as how there is no sign of our fourth I say we begin.”

Joshua comes around to get the chair for you as Jeonghan begins to pour wine for the three of you, “Jeonghan.”

The man snickers at the warning, “Relax Joshua, I’m not giving her feywine. After all she needs to keep her senses for this week of diplomacy.” 

His statement makes your eyes widen a little, still slightly hesitant due to having picked up at his troublemaking nature. When Joshua takes a sip and seems content however you’re at ease and find it doesn’t take anything else for you to sip the liquid as well. Those who had come with Jeonghan and taken to the cooking that evening brought you each the foods you were accustomed to, though it seemed of such a high quality that it nearly overwhelmed you. Eating until you felt content, settling back into your seat for comfortable conversion and to finish your wine. That is until the door swung open to reveal the final royal diplomate to arrive. 

“My apologies for being late, everyone. There was a sudden dust storm that we hadn’t accounted for along the way.”  The prince apologizes with a bow, before standing to remove the opaque fabric he had wrapped around his head and neck for desert travel. Two large fluffy ears popping up, white on the inside and a light tan with just the faintest tinges of a burnt orange on the back. His tan muscular arms on display, gold bangles wrapped tightly around his biceps. The man rolling his shoulders as he gets settled, the action pulling his shirt open just a tad more as it has an open v, revealing some of his chest as well. He wears a necklace with a pendant that is a beautiful swirl of colors, the way they sway and clash reminding you of waves of the ocean only in a wider variety of colors. “Am I interrupting anything?”

“We’d just finished dinner and were getting acquainted.” You assured him, gesturing to the seat beside you, “Would you like to join us?” 

“I would be honored princess.” He smiles, but shakes his head, “I however think I am going to settle in for the night. We’re quite the mess of dirt and dust currently and I would hate to create a mess of anything. I look forward to truly making everyone’s acquaintance in the morning and may you all have a restful night.” 

His gaze lingers on you only a moment longer, smile remaining before he’s turning to leave for the evening, bushy tail now visible behind him. Something you’re doing not long after, still needing to rest and recover from the journey yourself. That and the other pair seemed as though they had some catching up to do and so you felt you should leave them to it.

After a restful night you put yourself together in a dress of purple and gold, one of your attendants helping to bustle the sides of it so that you can move around more freely despite working to look your absolute best for your interactions with the other princes today. Still you grab some of the skirt to walk down the hall rather quickly to where some of your advisors were staying, knocking and waiting for the door to open before requesting that they prepare the gifts you had brought for each of the princes. Once you were assured everything would be arranged you took a breath and started to make your way to the dining hall to join the others for breakfast. 

Seokmin the only one there upon your arrival, "Good morning princess. I hope I did not offend last night. I truly would have loved to accept your offer, but I didn't want to dirty you after my journey." 

"Don't fret your highness, I wasn't offended in the least. Are you feeling more refreshed now?" You inquire moving to find a seat, though he moves as well to pull it out for you something which you thank him for.

"I do. I feel much better. Eager to speak with everyone and hopefully create lasting friendships with each of you and your nations." He beams much like he had the previous night and then he's taking his seat again.

"Well if we are to be friends then you should use my name." You smile at him before looking over the table before your eyes land on a strange new fruit. A few varieties of colors in them as you're intrigued by them.

"Are you interested in them, princes- Y/N?" He asks moving to pluck one from the bowl with ease despite the thorns on them. 

“They can be eaten then?” You ask and he nods with a chuckle pulling out a knife to skin and slice it onto a plate before handing it over. 

“Different cacti in our desert fruit them, the varieties are slightly different, but we enjoy them all nonetheless. Go ahead and try it and if you like it feel free to have as many as you like this week.” He happily offers, ears twitching as he anticipates your reaction to the first bite. Beaming as you let out a happy hum at the taste and quickly go back for another bite.

“Don’t go spoiling breakfast now.” You hear Joshua’s voice tease with a soft chuckle as he enters the room now as well. “I’m assuming we’re all in agreement of no business at the table this week? We still need a space to enjoy some peace after all.” 

You two easily agree though you look around noticing that Jeonghan still hasn’t arrived, making Joshua laugh a little as he notices before speaking up, “Get used to waiting on him. It’ll happen often this week.” 

“I heard that Joshua!” Jeonghan’s voice calls out scoldingly from outside the room before he enters, “I won’t be late… not for food anyways.”

He goes around to greet everyone, stopping with you and bringing your hand to his lips before glancing over you with a hum, “Such a pretty dress on such a beautiful princess. The sleeves look like pretty little flowers, are they truly fabric? Or have you been graced with a dress of petals to make our acquaintance today?” 

“I’m not the fae here your highness, so I would not be adorned in such a way.” You tease just slightly and it makes the man have to hold back a smirk.

“Just Jeonghan is fine.” He simply says though he looks almost proud before going to sit down so that you could all enjoy breakfast together. The three then escort you to the room where most of your diplomatic discussions would take place throughout this week.

You smooth your hands down the front of your dress to settle the nerves you’re feeling in the moment before smiling at the three, “Before we begin. I would like to thank you all for being such gentlemen thus far and for your equal treatment of me being here. I would also like to present something that I have prepared for you all.”

The three look intrigued, but allow you to do this first even if they all have their own items to present to all as well.

You start with Joshua, some basic gifts of gold and sea salt and such, “For you specifically I have brought sea shells. I personally went out and found the most precious of them. I have been told that elves love crafts, but prefer the forest to the sea. So I thought I could collect them for you to use and enjoy.” 

Next you’re to Jeonghan the basics are the same, though with more honey and other food items, “ There are many dried flowers and herbs more unique to our coast in there for whatever you may desire to use them for. I also included a few candles of which I took the time to make and I hope there are to your liking.”

Finally you’re onto Seokmin, who has been eagerly anticipating your attention from the start up until now. “ I have heard that not only does nearly all of the finest glass come from your kingdom, but also that you quite like glass as well. So  I have brought all the seaglass that I could find for you… any colors I noticed that had washed ashore. Along with stones smoothed out by the ocean as I heard there aren’t often many smooth pebbles in the desert.”

They all seem rather pleased and then begin to take their turns presenting gifts to you. Joshua presents you with a wooden bow with golden engravings of ivy woven over it, much like the crown he had worn when you first met. As well as a dagger and a cloak. Though you flustered slightly as you admitted you weren’t a great shooter, something he offered to assist you with that week. Jeonghan gives you a crown of flowers with a matching bracelet which he helps you to put on.

“They will never die and they have protection bound into them. Each day you wear them they will grow even more.” He informs you with a smile as he steps back. 

Seokmin’s cheeks are dusted pink when it is his turn, “My gift is not nearly as extravagant, but I hope you’ll like it all the same.”

He gives you a necklace with pendants of blown glass. The centerpiece has swirling blues to mimic the ocean waves, then foaming as they crash against the tan and gold to mimic sand at the top of the pendant. Telling you that they do in fact love glass and they make different pendants and charms to tell stories that they wear with pride, now offering you one as well. 

“I must admit I have something else, though I wish to exchange it for a treaty of research.” You draw their attention again, “Some of you have already discovered my affinity for fruit. I have been looking into ways to allow them to grow in wider varieties of environments. Where it be more heat resistant or for a damper environment, however I can only mimic so much in my coastal home. Therefore I would like to offer fruits that I have been working with. To hopefully be able to grow in each of your homes based off my research. I simply ask that you inform me about how they do and perhaps of any further help they may need. Then possibly in the future I can come do the same with what is specific to some of your kingdoms as well.” 

To say you are not quite what they had expected would be an understatement. However, none of them had any complaints about that. If anything it only made them more eager to discuss things with you this week. The week progressed far too quickly. Spending much time with the four of you, though you did each spend time to yourselves and one on one with each other establishing friendships and discussing situations between your kingdoms specifically. It proves that the previous generation should have just left this up to the four of you from the start.

Seokmin clears his throat as you all sit around looking over recently shared research, breaking the silence, “Y/N I have been carefully considering and I think in the best interests of our kingdom and in the desires of my heart I would like to ask for your hand. This week has expressed something clear to me and that is that simply being neighbors will not be enough for me and if you would allow me the honor I would like your hand.” 

The question stuns the three of you, all looking at him in utter shock, you and Joshua sharing burning cheeks though the first to react is Jeonghan who bursts out laughing.

“Oh my gods Joshua I can’t believe he beat us both to it.” He nearly falls back out of his chair due to how hard he is laughing. You and Seokmin not looking at him with furrowed brows and confused nearly simultaneously asking what he means. “We had gotten a little heated two days ago because both had told the other we intended to ask for your hand. So we decided that we would both plan and see who got to it first. I can’t believe it was neither of us.” 

You blink, before feeling lightheaded suddenly. Joshua catching on and rushing over to move a chair over, helping ease you into it where you then fanned yourself looking between the three.

“So let me get this straight… All three of you wish to ask for my hand?” When they all confirm you take a shaky breath, your mind is overwhelmed at this. "I… Can you all…"

"Y/N." Joshua calls softly, getting your attention again, "Take a breath. We're in no rush."

At his assurance you take a breath helping your mind slowly begin to wrap around what was going on. Though now Jeonghan was looking at you confused.

"Princess, you're acting as though no one has ever asked for your hand before." He speaks up softly and it flusters you.

"Well they have, but not truly. No one has ever asked me. It is always my father they ask. No one has ever asked for it due to attraction to me, but rather to the position. This is….new." You explain, looking away at the astonishment on each of their faces. "Would it be alright if… if I had some time to consider?"

When they all agree you smile tentatively before walking out to go back to your own sitting room. Though it wasn't long before you were bombarded by your advisors and their man opinions. Being thoroughly reminded that not only was your own fate in your hands, but the entire kingdom's. At which point you had had enough and told everyone to promptly get out. Rubbing at your temples with a sigh and going out to your balcony to find a peaceful place. After some time there you notice how your messenger bird is around and work up a letter to write back home, specifically for your father and send it off. Though knowing you wouldn't get a response until it was nearly time to leave. Still pacing as the time for dinner comes around, the thought of it not even coming to mind until there's a gentle knock on the door. Peeking out to find Joshua and your breath stops for a moment.

"Y/N we'd all like you to come to dinner please. We all agreed not to bring anything about the proposals up, we just would like you to eat and relax. We do not mean for it to weigh this heavy on you, please." Joshua pleas with you softly. You worry your lip between your teeth before nodding and allowing him to guide you to dinner. Where the other two seem to relax some upon seeing you arrive with Joshua. You allow dinner to distract you some for the moment before speaking up.

"I am still overwhelmed and uncertain, but I do not want this to affect our other interactions this week. If this bothers anyone, feel free to withdraw your proposal with no hard feelings."  When none of them respond you nod softly, "When I have come to a decision I will present it to you all."

That's when you head off again hoping a night of sleep would help you settle before the next morning when discussions of kingdom relations would resume. And so it did for the next two days until your response arrived. Looking over the note from your father and sitting down as it made your head swim again.

"... follow your heart my daughter. I know you will make the right decision…."

It stuck with you making your thoughts swirl. What did your heart want? And was it something that you could even have. With a sigh you decided to return to the room where the three men were, drawing their attention when you entered. 

"I have been thinking and have spoken to my father. There are so many opinions of this decision and on what the decision will mean for my kingdom. However, my father simply told me to follow my heart. The problem that lies in that is that my heart cannot make a decision. It has grown fond of all of you and so choosing just one is presenting a challenge." You confess to them, unable to look at any of them. 

"So you're saying that you want all three of us?" Jeonghan inquires, raising a brow. When you nod shyly though he smirks, "Well I'm not one to deny you princess. What about you both?"

When they both agree seemingly as easy as Jeonghan did his smirk only grows while you’re stunned. Watching closely as Jeonghan comes over to tilt your head up to look at him.

“Well princess, what do you think? Would this idea suit you?” He asks as if it were so simple while your brain still continues to overthink things.

“That’ll only create more problems won’t it? Where would I live? In which kingdom? And with whom? Besides, how would any of us get our kingdom’s to agree to such terms? How would we ensure you’re all viewed as my husbands and no one considered an affair?” As you confess what is weighing on you, Jeonghan tsks softly. 

“It will only create problems if you allow it to. Who says we couldn’t just live here? Where we can get to any kingdom? Besides, relations would never be better than in this case, if we all became one. We are the future of the kingdom, what we determine here this week goes. Including wedding arrangements and happenings. As for your last question…we simply consummate the marriage together… all four of us.” He offers you some answers to calm your mind.

“Very well. Let’s plan something simple here for the four of us and prepare messages for back home. After it is already official and cannot be undone we can have a larger ceremony with our families present and honoring each of our customs.” You agree, smiling at them all only for Seokmin to lunge at you unable to hold back any longer as he presses his lips to your before pulling back and giggling shyly at your flustered face. 

“Sorry I just couldn’t wait any longer.” He apologizes, backing away a little to give you space.

“Kisses are fine, just no more until after we’re all married.” You tell them, it still feels foreign to consider being married to any of them, let alone all of them. Though that is all the permission Jeonghan needs to move in and kiss you as well. Joshua, letting them both have that chance before he kisses you next. 

You excuse yourself after going back to those with you and begin discussing arrangements. Getting most things in order in time along with a dress for you. The ladies you brought along helped you into it. The princess skirt settles around your waist, but only the lace overlay, underneath slightly more form fitting. The lace overlay also comes up around your neck, poofing into large sleeves that are fitted from the elbow to your wrists. The ladies help you button the front and sleeves before setting the overlay of lace daisies again. A bow tied around your waist and right under the poof of each sleeve. Your nerves ever present as you walk out to meet the three men that await you. The simple ceremony going off without a hitch. Followed by dinner where the four of you got privacy. Seokmin then took your hand and led you and the others off to the room he had been staying in, not that any room would have felt crowded with the four of you. He helps you sit back on the bed, arms on either side of you as he leans in. Jeonghan is about to impatiently express his discontent, but Joshua stops him, putting a hand out.

“Seokmin did ask for her hand first Jeonghan, it’s only right he’s the first to have what he wants.” Joshua offers though Seokmin is in his own world, working on all the buttons with a focused pout before he gives in.

“It’s taking too long. I can’t wait.” He huffs softly before getting onto his knees, pushing the skirt of your dress out of his way to reveal your panties. All the material nearly covers your face as you fall back when Seokmin pulls your legs closer. He nips at where your thigh meets your core and is most sensitive, then laving over the spot with his tongue. “You smell heavenly.”

He’s then ripping your panties to get to your arousal, quick to lap it up. Jeonghan moves to take over the buttons where Seokmin had left off, wanting to get access to your breasts. Joshua coming behind you to lay your head in his lap.

“What about you?” You ask him softly, noticing how he’s not getting access to any part of you like the other two currently are. He smiles down at you, gently brushing your hair away. 

“Don’t worry, I’m content to put you back together once they shatter you princess.” He says despite smiling so sweetly and you begin to wonder what exactly you’ve gotten yourself into. At least until Seokmin sucks on your clit and makes your brain go blank only moments later. The man hungry in his treatment of your core, eager to get all that he can from you. Pulling away only when you’ve cum, though his eyes are still clouded with hunger. Able to pull your dress off now that Jeonghan has undone all the buttons to be able to toy with your breasts. Before he can push in though Jeonghan stops him.

“I want to know what she tastes like untainted first, don’t you Joshua?” He expresses and when Joshua hums in approval he reaches down to swipe two fingers through your soaked lips. Cleaning you off one with a moan before offering the other to Joshua who you watch as his eyes flutter shut at the taste. “Okay Seokmin go ahead.” 

Seokmin grabs the back of each of your knees and folds you nearly in half, pressing them in closer to your chest before slowly pressing in until he’s all the way in. Letting you feel him so deep now, the feeling making your eyes glaze over as you’re already somewhat dazed at all the feelings. Jeonghan chuckles as he bites a little above your nipple to get your attention onto him for a moment.

“You gonna let the eager fox mate with you?” He teases though it’s not just you but also Seokmin who huffs in response, thrusting in harshly when you go to answer so that all you can do is squeak out a yes. 

“Not a fox, but I will mate you good princess.” Seokmin assures, pushing Jeonghan away from you so he can lean down and press his weight on you as he starts thrusting harder, nippling and licking at your neck as if he truly cannot get enough of you. Jeonghan weaving his hand in between you two to rub at your clit while Joshua gently strokes your hair.

“That’s it, being such a good girl and taking him so well. Are you going to cum for him, princess?” Joshua asks and when you moan out an affirmation while nodding he chuckles, “Hear that Seokmin, she’s gonna make a mess on your dick. Are you going to make a mess of her back?”

“Fuck yes, going to fill her with cum.” Seokmin moans out, keeping true to his word and coming when Jeonghan pinches your clit and makes you cum around him. Pumping every last drop deep inside of you before pulling out and gently easing your thighs down as he moves to the side to catch his breath and let someone else take his spot.

Jeonghan the next one to move in as Joshua stays where he is supporting your head. Jeonghan standing between your legs at the end of the bed and hooking one knee over his elbow while the other is around his hips and pulling him closer. That being all the encouragement he needs to push in. His fingers on your clit nearly immediately as he does.

“You came so fast when I played with your clit while Seokmin was in you. Will you cum that fast for me now too?” He questions though expects no answer as he picks up a brutal pace simply listening to you cry out in pleasure. Watching as you claw at the sheets. Joshua calls Seokmin over to whisper something to him before Seokmin leaves and Joshua has your nipples between his fingers to toy with. Your hypersensitive body is already on edge again. “It’s okay if you do princess, none of us will last long in this messy little cunt of yours, especially not when it’s squeezing us tighter right when you’re about to cum. So go on, give me a reason to fill you filthy fucking pussy.” 

His words are the final nail in the coffin as you’re cumming around him, him helping ride you through it before he’s cumming as well. Leaning down to kiss you softly as he slowly eases out, before him and Joshua are helping you to sit.

“Come with me princess.” Joshua urges, helping you off the bed and to the bathroom where Seokmin had drawn a bath. He gets in first before helping you in and to settle onto his hard cock, leaning against his chest while surrounded by the warm water. “Just relax and let the water ease your muscles.” 

You hum, eyes closing as you lay your head against his shoulder. Not sure how long you both stay like that before his hips start to grind just a little into you. Though you’re kept from sitting up as his arm slips around your waist holding you in place. 

“Easy princess, just keep relaxing while I make you feel good again.” He tells you, pelvic bone grinding against your clit with each small roll of his hips. The water sloshing around you both slightly but neither of you can find it in you to care as the slow sensual feelings make you both feel as though you’re floating. Joshua keeps that up until you’re both cumming. Then he’s gently moving you into a shower instead to wash you both up, helping you to dress before he’s taking your sleepy form to his room where Jeonghan and Seokmin have already cleaned up and settled for the evening. Allowing all four of you to settle into bed after the eventful day. 

There certainly were endless more details to resolve and no doubt challenges that would arise when news of what you four had done arrived home. However the four of you together worked better than anyone in history seemed to and therefore the four of you together had this chance that no one else would. A chance to make the island whole for once. A chance to make each of you whole for once.

If you enjoy my work please keep in mind how much time and effort goes into it and show support through comments and reblogs, or consider buying me a kofi. (Caffeine fuels the chaotic gremlin in me who creates content.)

[floydsglasses]

Dagger Squad as Bath and Body Works Smells PT2

{All Dagger's included some of these smells are not bath and body works, some are small shops so please buy and support them since you all liked the last post here is part two enjoy}

𝐁𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐲 "𝐑𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫" 𝐁𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐰- 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐦 𝐓𝐨𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐨 𝐏𝐢𝐩𝐞 Like in my last post he honestly reminds me of these very specific smells from my childhood, I grew up around industrial type smells and my grandpa alway's smelt like Tobacco, and I feel like he maybe grew up around those smells too. This candle smells like, Warm Tobacco and brushed suede aromatic greens, soft weathered woods, earthy patchouli and smoky leather. and is Described as your dad's old car, his cologne on bended into the leather

𝐉𝐚𝐤𝐞 "𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐦𝐚𝐧" 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐧- 𝐂𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐖𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐲

He remind's me of when you wake in the morning and there is a fresh pot of coffee, like the start to a new day and thing's are gonna be good and later into the day you need something to take the edge of, so you take a Whiskey. Also look at this man he is clearly a whiskey man. This candle smells like, bold Irish whiskey, splash of vanilla and a hint of coffee. and is described as your favorite morning pick-me-up with a touch of weekend spirit.

𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐚 "𝐏𝐡𝐨𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐱" 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞- 𝐒𝐞𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐚 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐞

So this one is based off my headcanon for her that she grew up in Arizona, like she grew up in one of those adobe clay home's like when you drive out in New Mexico, i've seen them before, she also reminds me of sunsets if you believe it. Patchouli flowers, pink pepper and exotic rosewood. and is described as a woodsy, warm desert escape.

𝐑𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭 "𝐁𝐨𝐛" 𝐅𝐥𝐨𝐲𝐝- 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐀𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 & 𝐎𝐮𝐝 Bob just reminds me of that after rain smell, like the sun has just come out, there is cloud's left behind and the ground is wet, if the sun catches it correctly it will flicker on the wall. Just that overall feeling if you understand. This candle smells like dark golden amber, fresh rainwater and oud wood. And is Described as the woodlands after a rainstorm.

𝐌𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐲 "𝐅𝐚𝐧𝐛𝐨𝐲" 𝐆𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐚- 𝐎𝐜𝐞𝐚𝐧

I have actually had the privilege to own this but it was a body wash, and when I tell you it's the most masculine and sweet smell I have ever smelt you wouldn't believe me. And you cannot not tell me that Mickey wouldn't take a girl night swimming as a surprise, well thats my headcanon. This candle smells like blue cypress, vetiver and coastal air. And Described as a cool, refreshing dip in the deep blue sea.

𝐑𝐮𝐞𝐛𝐞𝐧 "𝐏𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤" 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐡- 𝐌𝐚𝐡𝐨𝐠𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐓𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐰𝐨𝐨𝐝 I remember smelling this candle in the store, and call me crazy but dosent he give you the vibe that his sheet's are black and that most of his closet are light or dark colored T-shirts. Like I can just imagine this smell in his clothe's. This candle smells like rich mahogany, black teakwood, dark oak and frosted lavender. and is described as borrowing their flannel for a hike in the woods. (come on even B&BW agrees with me)

𝐉𝐚𝐯𝐲 "𝐂𝐨𝐲𝐨𝐭𝐞" 𝐌𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨- 𝐒𝐮𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐓𝐢𝐞

Okay it's no secret that clearly this man looks great in a suit, and in his flight suit. I swear to it that he would have a rich type of cologne, like when he walks past you it hits you right in the face. Even when he leaves a room it linger around. This candle smells like White Teakwood, Oakmoss, Sage & Sparkling Bergamot. And described as Elegant and Stoic like a man ready for the evening suit and tie and all.

This might be better then the first post, like i put more detail into this post and please check out these smells and some of these are fairly cheap from these stores.

Tagged:@icezansky @bobfloydssunnies @parksandsparks @sorchathered @swiftsgirlfriend

[fluffychubbydragon]

Dust backstory! :O

Alrighty! Just a note, the nicknames that all of the sans Aus go by are changed to different names or I've used their fandom nicknames for this particular Au/story. That being said:Dustan (Dust, though this version of him does go by this name as a nickname still, I know, really lazy of me) and Manoja (Dust's Papyrus, fandom usually just calls him Phantom)

Dustan was born and raised in a coastal town. It was right before his 5th birthday that his father died of unknown reasons (at least to him as no one ever told him the truth) leaving Dustan's mother pregnant and to raise him by herself. It wasn't long afterwards that Manoja was born at the price of their mother's life, leaving Dustan to try and take care of the both of them.

They had no home and often stole what they could to try to survive. Dustan also found that taverns often didn't care or didn't notice when kids would walk in and take shelter, finding places to hide in so the owners wouldn't find them in which they would sleep at night, sometimes multiple nights.

Everything was going just about as well as it could with two children living on the streets by themselves for years until something happened in town one night when Dustan was 18 (and Manoja was barely 13)...

There were sounds from outside the tavern and a blaring sense of wrongness that settled in Dustan's bones that bolted him awake, his eyelight quickly adapted to his surroundings as they had done many a times before. His gaze swiftly went to where Manoja was sleeping before he had nodded of himself, only to find the spot vacant.Where was he? Where was his baby brother!?

He panicked searching around the tavern to find him only to find the boy by the window looking out. A sense of relief flooded over the young skeleton as he still ran over to his brother to pull him away from public gaze. Being seen was never a good thing and Dustan learned that early on, yet when he actually reached the window with his brother he saw what had grasped his attention:

Fires, sounds of screaming as citizens fled, and soldiers that Dustan didn't recognize. Not only were they not covered in traditional metal armor, but most were rather bulky in structure. Most held axes as weapons, yet those were not the only blades they carried. It was then that Dustan recognized what must be happening...

Their coastal town was being invaded by mercenaries from the Southern continent, and for the second time in his life, (the first after his mother died and his brother born) he didn't know what to do. These were hired soldiers of another kind of warfare than what he was used to. If they tried to escape, it could very well kill the both of them. Yet, if they stayed put or tried to hide, they would be found and killed. The only chance he might have to at least save his brother was to fight, but even Dustan was afraid to die. Not for the fear of death, but for the fear of leaving his baby brother alone in the world to fend for himself... But it was still better to protect what he held most dear to him than to both die in vain.

"Hide Manoja. Stay out of sight, don't dare peek out of hiding. Not even if something happens to me. I'll protect you, but know I love you my brother. Go." He remembers telling his brother as the door starts to bend under the pressure of someone ramming into it. He remembers creating two long sharp bones to defend himself and his brother, but everything else happened so fast: The big mercenaries barging through the door, him fighting the mercenaries, screaming as other mercenaries run upstairs to the rooms, ones who were able to get behind him and knock the wind out of him, pinning him to the ground with their foot on his back, threatening to break through his ribcage from the weight...

...and then everything started to slow considerably as he heard his little brother's screams. He tried to get up to fight, to protect his brother, to do ANYTHING! The tall one that held his foot over him leaned down and pulled him up by his non existent throat, the fist so tight around his cervix that the bones groaned and started to lightly splinter on the outside. But Dustan was DETERMINED to keep his only family alive, so with what strength he had, he stabbed sharp bones into the hand holding him, effectively dropping him to the floor. He ran and stumbled, summoning more sharp bones to stab the one who was crushing Manoja, yet by the time that Dustan actually got to killing the mercenary, his brother had started to dust... Manoja turned to ash in his brother's arms as magic tinted tears ran down both their cheeks, one of them for the very last time.

Dustan doesn't remember much after that, but he does remember thick lines of scorched earth and crateres that spanned through the entire town and the tickling feeling that he might have enjoyed a sickening event that he doesn't remember.

And so Dustan was left entirely alone in a scorched and torn town by the sea with no one but "his brother" to keep him company. Later he would travel to other places with a cloak over his head, shadow coving his face, encountering people he would later consider family. The family he could never have as a child.

[thecameronchronicles]

Retaliation

TW: Mentions of violence, mentions of domestic violence. Language. Smut. 

SUMMARY: This is what happens after Ward attacked you on The Coastal Venture…

WORD COUNT: 700

*REQUESTED*

@jules-cameron requested

Ok here me out, a rafe Cameron imagine where ward hurts you on the boat instead of Sarah and when rafe finds out he goes bat shit crazy? 

Retaliation

Rafe had been pacing back and forth for so long that he actually managed to perspire just enough to form a light sheen throughout his otherwise perfect caramel skin. But as he collected you in his arms, frustrated with how you'd frightened him with your absence, the sight of bruising left on your neck had been enough to still his aggression. Or at least redirect it.

"Which one of those fucking pogues was stupid enough to try and hurt my girl, huh? I swear if it was-" 

"It wasn't one of them..." You managed to confess beneath a raspy breathlessness affected by tears still present. 

"Someone on the crew? Just tell me and I'll take care of them, baby-" Your eyes widened at what he meant as you knew it meant bloodshed, but you were too horrified by the near death experience to do much of anything. 

"Please just hold me, Rafe..." 

He sighed but ultimately collected you, close enough to feel the jackhammer pulse of his chest against you. 

"Do I have to interrogate every single person on this ship to find out who's responsible for those marks, baby? Because you know I will..." 

"No...I-" 

"You've gotta tell me. You have to communicate with me-" 

"He's injured right now, I don't want-" 

"I don't care what he is. Asshole is gonna be worse off when I get my hands on him-" 

"Your dad doesn't-" 

"My...my dad?" His voice was suddenly hollow along with his expression. "MY DAD?!" 

"Please Rafe-" 

"It's bad enough he does it to me, God knows I probably even deserve it. But NOT you!" He charged towards the door as you were quick to apprehend his arm, but all this managed to do was make him turn this aggression to you. Your mind flashed to how this would go. You knew even if Rafe meant well for you, he would never be able to actually hurt his father. Not when he idolized him the way he did. And for that, you were trying to act in salvation to him to keep from him becoming lost to the regret that would swallow him afterwards.

"NOBODY touches you and gets away with it!" 

"Please, Rafe, just stay with me!" 

"Not until-" You silenced him with a kiss. As he tried to pull back, you kissed him harder. 

"Please. Just be with me." He wouldn't need to be told again as he would feel you take hold of his jeans and pulling them loose. In almost graceful moments you were undressed and pulled over him into a straddle as he prepared you for his penetration. But he would hesitate before offering it. 

"Nobody will ever hurt you again. I promise." He vowed while laying soft kisses on your bruised neck before sinking you onto his waiting cock. The slow penetration was newly erotic to what was usually, and even arguably, rushed. Even if you had spent hours making each other bend to sensual submission, never before had the insertion itself been this sweet and tender. 

"Nobody." He validated as you sucked a breath behind your teeth as he pulled you to such depths that he bottomed out, almost painfully, within you. 

"But me. In only the best ways." You nodded to his words before feeling him wrap your hair in a grip that would remain as he bounced you over his shaft. The welcome and hesitant release of each thrust was met with a chorus of groans and moans, pleas and the sounds of each of your names, until the deep pistons became manic poundings leasing to that mutual edge. 

For the love and passion he felt, you knew this in his possessive grip. And for the desire and need to protect, you felt behind each thrust. But it was the kiss to your lips as you whimpered against him, thay you felt it all. It pulled that rush of that orgasmic wave through your tribulations as he pulled you into a spin and onto your back before taking you for himself. Fucking you through that high, you watched him reach his own, adoring his features inflamed with lecherous need by your submission, before ultimately tensing and falling over you. 

"Come here..." He ordered as you were wrapped in his arms within your shared stateroom and falling off to sleep. 

You would awaken to the sound of the door coming open, the shuffling of your body having made him turn to face you. Your eyes would adjust in the nick of time, finding him moving in the direction of his father's room with the shadow of a gun in his hand…

Taglist: @hopebaker @iovdrew @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @maybankslover @slut4starkey @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @obxxrxfes @bluesongbird @slut-era @ailee-celeste @rafesbae

[ziggysinflatables]

[pigtailedgirl]

Due South and a Canadian White Girl North-ish

I'm so nervous. Addition: Perhaps some trigger warning for abuse and illness talk?

So I read this great Due South fanfic.

BLESSED

I think it's going in my top ten. And I have a bunch I like that deal in the same theme. In Fraser's fit of himself in the city versus northern Canada and how he finds something in the contrasts.

Still this fanfic, though it does a neat re-examine overall, and others, have an image I guess that is put out by Fraser, by the narrative, of Canada that just does not work for me.

EXAMPLE

***

"Think about being somewhere else," Cleve told him as the strings began to vibrate again. "Anywhere but here."

And he did. Where did he want to be? Anywhere but here. Yes, Cleve had indeed answered the question for him.

The MacKenzie River, strong and swift, slicing through the spruce and pine, cutting a path between the snowcapped mountains.

The frozen, inhospitable Beaufort Sea, where a man could see his own breath turn to ice on the air and blow back to his face, clinging crystals of ice on his skin and lashes.

The mighty forests of tamarack and poplar that covered the western slope of the coastal mountain ranges. The warm, gentle breezes of heady lodgepole pine scent. The soft hiss and crackle of campfire, mellowed by a handful of cedar bark.

"There you go," Cleve decided at last in a quiet, satisfied voice.

Ben smiled until his face hurt, not quiet ready to open his eyes and let go his vision just yet. The strings felt good, like the strips of cedar bark he had imagined for the fire, the neck of the guitar a more than adequate rendering of the canoe paddle the MacKenzie demanded. The smooth, time worn wood of the box pressed into his belly, a body that complemented his, perfect in its unyieldingness, yet matching his every bend and twist.

Stella the True.

Ben would have given her another name.

His eyes opened then, noticing first how the world seemed to have blurred in more ways than one, and that the smile had faded away as the memories had faded in upon him. The world was only blurry for a few seconds more, until he realized that once he blinked the beginnings of tears from his eyes, the world became amazingly clear. So much became amazingly clear.

"Don't give up on yourself, son," Cleve Abernathy's voice came from somewhere very, very far away. Fraser gave his saturated eyes to the man who had spoken.

***

"Where I come from, people help one another. If one goes without, then all go without equally, so that everyone has a chance. You don't let your neighbor's coal run out in January. You don't let their stomachs go empty when your kill is plenty. When their children don't return from the trail, you go looking for them. That's just the way it is."

***

It's beautifully written, but feels wrong to me. Feels like lies to my lived experiences. Being from a small place like Fraser, this is a beautiful sentiment, and not at all true to it's realities.

When Fraser, Due South's narrative and comedy, and fandom view the otherness of the wilderness or northern Canada, make big deals to study it, never mind just mark Canada different in broad... It feels othering. Othering in a way I think is really important to how Fraser doesn't fit in if he's got this perspective too.

I've grown with stories about people and family who lived the same kind of lives as the Fraser family. In modern ways my home here still is like this. I even lived some like this and I'm baby in comparison.

Remote and isolated. Lots of nature to be in. Law, education and medicine as tiers in the community that are mostly outsiders to the community either brought in short-term or recurring.

Even those who live here permanently now, have founded themselves career wise, and have to, going away to do it or having been born and raised elsewhere. Christ, we have to basically leave after high-school more than 1000km away. HAVE TO.

And there is a definite disconnect between this group who are outsiders and the what I would call settled persons in the emotional connection to the place and town and the ability to fit in.

If it's a truism to me, this idea of grand north, natural beauty or isolation in a small town, with the people, to get in touch with an emotional growth is the biggest lie I have ever witnessed done by people to themselves. And this is an idealism of outsiders. You don't come out into isolation or live it to get NEW emotional needs met. You don't grow yourself thinking this is something special or the true way or will fix you.

Those that say living like this is a personal spiritual ride are:

1. High on their own supply as it were, aka, either tapping what they had dormant before or pretending.

2. Doing so off the backs of those who just don't think too much about it and are where and what they are.

If I had a dollar for every doctor or therapist I met who came here and were enamored by the place, the seas and freedoms and kind people and opportunities in solitude, expected it to change the people here and them, and then ran wild because they were always dumbasses, or took advantage, or after a year of seeing it day to day still wouldn't or didn't understand how to live with it and ran or got burnt out...RICH.

Because the truth is that small communities and remoteness don't make special or perfect people or places. We aren't magic, we aren't even that different, we just face a different or smaller reality.

I'm struck by the story One Good Man paints of Fraser's grandmother, who faced early trauma, and to me tells a reality you maybe don't want to embrace fully but should reflect on before concluding the nature of life here. A young woman who saw her town burn, who saved some of the children in it, but watched the others and adults die and was also horribly physically and probably emotionally scarred by it. Who only had an idea, and with it, bravery in the face of that moment, and after the strength to hang on as her backbone tip of surviving. Any wonder then, the tough it attitude and gift of wisdom was maybe her main survival and emotional mantra. That what tied her there to keep trying to give knowledge to people and how she pushed that above emotion on her grandson was this.

I think canon does a good job of highlighting an undercurrent of why Fraser and family still didn't fit in and why Fraser and Due South is a story of growth as a person and finding his home/community is going outside. His emotional needs weren't here. That's alright to find elsewhere when you need it.

@juniperpomegranate made a really great point of difference of Fraser's north, so often idealized in show or fic, and how it isn't actually like a town. It's not imagined or filled or understood in the reality of a community. Which is hella important. Because your community and relationships is how you really fit in a place like that or in my home.

And that's people. People to connect to. People who aren't wildly different. Experiences only seem wild to outsiders. Perfection or an image of better peeps is only lauded to cover in my opinion.

We face hardships and issues. We don't face them mythically. Nature is pretty and it requires work and understanding of it, learned only from experience and listening or knowing others who have, to survive and thrive in.

The reason we have outsider law or medicine or education come in is...

Well it can be real fun when the town is faced with say influenza and has no resources, or knowledge about it. Where you have to be cajoled to get immunized by your sister dressing up in the nurse's coat and leaving, to trick you into coming out of hiding. Where Dad tells stories of my great-grandma who plastered everyone with coal oil for cures as the rock of the town. Or where, when you have criminal stuff or domestic violence or mental illness and you can't treat or stop. A woman who hurt her family for decades because she was sadly untreated and unknown Schizophrenic. When another woman my dad's age wrote of her harrowing experience of childhood, of her mom dying from cancer and her father putting her to work as a teenage girl to care for the siblings and home, and then not providing any of his income or the support people gave him for them, until she and her siblings were literally found starving. Cause he fucked off to the neighbors. Cause the whole town knew it was happening, but there was no alternative, this was just their monetary and work survival versus that family and that family's lack of social capital paired with no place to go. Where solution was when law finally came in an forcefully moved the minor kids to different fosters in villages 100s of kilometers away, this was just a daily continuation of life though for most here.

See law, as external resource, can't even do much beyond come in twice a year and judge people. Punishment for crimes is more social than moral and depends on taking a person out of the community most times. Bob Fraser, Mounties and cops who ship around to different spots, if they are good get then respect sure, but they were and always have to stay detached to not bias too. It's a hard one. It's you can have impact and respect, for example the priest use to come a couple times a year and get the good dishes out for him, but you don't build the emotional connection of say staying for the weddings after-parties of music and dancing all night. Of people crossing islands to visit each other at the end of weeks' work.

In this vein I'm not surprised Bob had a great reputation and a lot of "friends" he didn't know.

And education. Where it's people come to knowledge at you, or knowledge from you. Where it's students come to study you like you are a tropical native of the 18th century. Write their papers and go back and take your history and skills to sell and forget the here left behind. Or come dodging the drafts of the States. All our stories or archives are in a "local" museum we can't even get to without a plane ticket yo. Or again those who come to give wisdom like they are the holders and we are heathen plebs. With maybe a one in ten being someone or something honest or decent. Though I'm a little bias here. My mom was a teacher who came here in the 70s and spent her whole life teaching grade school. Literal one room school house start. Who met and married and stayed with my Dad here. Some people do catch. Some, I think like maybe the example of Fraser's grandma, which I have soft feeling for probably because of this, just really want to impart shared knowledge and get happiness from seeing it grow and having that personal shot to help it. In a small community that seed growing outwards, to see it, is freaking awesome. But key is shared. You got to learn from too.

Finally, small isolated communities need and foster their connection through the people. Who you know. How you are all related. The meme of does everybody know everyone in Canada hits lol. But that's got the inverse too. There is no privacy. Loners be seen and judged. Again, social fit and capital being supreme.

That's why the nature loner or lover is myth too. Drop you off on a pretty snow covered lake. Pretty yes, magical and just for you, no. You still need the community knowledge to know where the fish, which direction is inland or sea, where is best shelter, where is Indians in the country to help you trap, when does the supplies boats and airdrops come. Nothing is done alone okay, trust me on this. You go out to snowshoe alone on a clear day, and weather strikes and you die.

I guess my point I keep trying to rope back into is maybe the experience or place or people sound different, or magic, but it's superficial. It's no different than how stories of history or cities sound to some. Emotionally I think we run the same. I think the true beauty is in seeing that reality. That you can't be the best stuck in an unreality or hiding from finding your fit. And again the true charm of Due South and Fraser, is his going south grows himself to see it. The show gets us to play and have fun seeing it.

And that the best of people or place, Canada or States, small town or city, outsider or no...is accepting and acknowledging that difference and sameness is the way to grow. Is the best beauty.

It's how my community did grow out of most of it's struggles imo, and hopes to go further I tell ya.

So here are my recs on the wonder of difference and sameness in Due South. Again like the fic above, can't rec enough.

Here are a small sampler of finding yourself near and away.

Stars, I Have Seen Them Fall (squidge.org)

Smaller Gods - arrow (esteefee) - due South [Archive of Our Own]

Our Dancing Days - sdwolfpup - due South [Archive of Our Own]

Also, does anyone have a link to an old ds flashfic of Fraser wandering Chicago in a power outage? I loved that one.

[java-dragon]

Covers Bookbinding for beginners by a beginner- The Home Stretch

*drinks half a gallon of coffee*

COVERS!

You've gotten your typeset done for the fic, you've battled the demon that is your printer, folded pages, stitched pages, glued pages, glued end pages, and end bands. Made the cover, covered the cover in potentially homemade book cloth.

Now it's time to design a cover.

It's time to make this thing into a fully functioning book and slide it on your shelf and have a nice bout of "Laying on the Floor while Questioning the Human Condition (TM)".

There are a few options.

It depends on what you want.

I can only take you so far with Cricut/vinyl applications. But I researched enough to maybe, MAYBE give you the run down on at least how to get your cover from Canva to the software to cut out your vinyl. I'll start there since this is what I know the least.

Open up your version of Canva.

Make a document, I've seen some fanbinders make all this in the cricut software but I can only smile and nod along. But for me- this is the best I've figured:

go to the search bar and type in book cover (or use the drop down menu) click on a random template.

Fiddle and fart your way into a design you like. Text and Font Options are available in drop down menus and find some designs that are "Easy to Weed" which I understand as "Getting rid of all the stuff that's not going on the cover".

For Example:

Do you like it? It took me 40 seconds, I'm very proud of it. But this isn't to impress you really I just need to show you how to save your file so you can make the leap from one software application to the next.

Hit "Share", Hit "Download", File Type- Hit the down arrow, Hit "PNG" I missed this for the first few times--- BUT!

Click the "Transparent Background"

If you're doing more than one colour Vinyl you're going to duplicate the page that is located right next to the lock icon above the document. Hit that. Delete the stuff that you want to be different colours. Otherwise it will just cut everything out as one colour and I've seen some vinyl covers that get damn fancy.

You can also build a title cover just measure the spine and height of your spine and rotate your text to horizontal if you please.

Now for how I do mine. I use Printable Iron On Vinyl. Keynote there is a difference, there is stuff for light fabrics, and stuff for dark. Choose for what your primary book cloth will be but the paper itself will be white.

Make your design.

I have 3 different covers for Celestial Navigation by Sabrecmc just because of how LARGE the fic itself is. I had to split the text block up for ease of handling.

I saved as a PNG, and loaded up my fancy printable vinyl into my printer and went through the software for printing, I had to do some fiddling but for my purposes I had to get the whole cover in the right size on the page- it took some fiddling yours might be simpler it might be more complex. But once I got it printed I trimmed off the white and was left with a peel-able rather velvety feeling thing.

Remove the backing. Get the iron on and go low and slow with the provided barrier material to prevent melting and damage to the print you've just done.

I made spines as well and made an 11 x 8.5 (Or brochure template)

And lined up my spines accordingly as to not waste materials. There will be grids that pop up automatically to let you know if things line up.

Print them out on the "highest quality" out put for your photo software.

It peels like a sticker. It may take a bit to get it going.

Line it up as nicely as you can on the cover (double check on the still exposed board).

There is a protective sheet that comes with it USE IT. Set your iron to a low heat and move it around frequently.

If you're in a relatively humid area (I live in a coastal town so the humidity is pretty high all year). Have a heavy book to squish your covers down with to try and get out any bends that may happen post ironing (also why we want low and slow).

Leave to cool.

Now you have a text block and a cover.

For all intents and purposes for my demonstration I'm leaving the spine off and am redoing everything with this fic from the ground up. There are aspects and mistakes that I have made that have irked my brain. So I will be leaving the spines off for this round. This is the learning curve and since a lot have things have clicked into place since beginning this series that have given me the "AH HA! CLARITY!" moment. I have completely reworked EVERYTHING in my text block of Celestial Navigation. Plus I've a perfectionist issue that is a lot milder than what it was.

But these two text blocks will work as my "Ground Zero" and will be the books I compare all potential future binds too.

As a note that I said in the beginning of this endeavor:

THIS IS FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY. FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK DO NOT SELL WORK THAT DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU!!!! YOU HAVE ASKED PERMISSION (I dearly hope) TO DO THIS DO NOT BREAK TRUST WITH THE AUTHOR.

IF You want to offer a copy to the author- GO FOR IT. Close friend that is showing interest in the fic?? Sure ok.

But if you sell it for monetary gain? I hope you stub your toe, and just before it finally heals you stub your toe again and may all your breakfast cereal turn to slugs.

DO NOT BE A DICK. I am writing this whole 'How To' Series as an experiment of Good Faith that you, the potential binder, will do right by the community and not compound an issue that has been cropping up. Etsy sellers, and this horrible Facebook community that will steal other's typesets, and begin selling them.

Like I said- this is a breech in Fair Use.

Now with that lecture, again, out of the way lets settle the rest of this series.

You will need:

Glue

Book Press

glue brush

Wax Paper.

Your Cover.

Your Text block.

Get your textblock and cover lined up with some wax paper in the middle of the decorative pages (if you're doing them other wise the page you glue down to the cover and the rest of the text block.

Fiddle, fart and dry fit until you are satisfied.

Lay down a layer of glue on the page NOT THE COVER ITSELF.

DON'T BE ME. I FUCKED UP HARDCORE AND DID THE COVER WITH THE GLUE. HOOOOO NELLY LET ME TELL YOU HOW BADLY THAT FUCKED SHIT UP.

HOW BAD WAS IT? BAD. VERY BAD. DON'T BE LIKE ME THAT FIRST ROUND, BE LIKE ME ON THE SECOND ROUND AND PUT GLUE ON THE END PAGE.

Line up the textblock for a final time and then apply the paper to the cover open the textblock and smooth what you just glued down. Flip over and repeat.

Then add weight to the text block put it back in your press, or if you're like me and have a reprint in the press just throw books atop the block.

Allow glue to cure over night.

Shiver, shudder, and lay on the floor. Your fic is now a book that you can put on your shelf.

Welcome to the wild wild world of bookbinding.

I've been your host trying their best to explain all the things.

I will likely continue this series with "OK SO I LEARNED SOME SHIT ALL THAT SHIT I WROTE BEFORE FEEL FREE TO LISTEN BUT I'VE GOT BETTER SOLUTIONS NOW" time stuff.

[feralrabidcrow]

TF2 ATLA AU

Hey guys so I've been rewatching Avatar: The Last Airbender, and having thoughts in my brain...

Scout: Airbender

A freespirited air nomad, he left the temple claiming he was going on a 'spiritual journey of discovery', but in reality he was bored of being cooped up in the temple and wanted to see the world. He roams wherever his heart takes him, going on strange adventures and meeting fascinating people.

Soldier: Fire Nation Nonbender

A proud patriot of the fire nation, blindly following orders without questioning any of them as long as they come from someone wearing red. He utilizes fiery weapons of destruction to make up for his lack of bending. He can be a bit naïve, however, giving his more clever opponents an upper hand.

Pyro: Firebender

A mysterious masked Fire Nation soldier who never talks, yet wields extremely impressive firebending techniques. If it weren't for the fact that no one understands what their deal is or how to effectively communicate with them, they could easily climb the Fire Nation military ranks.

Demoman: Combustionbender

A man for hire in the Fire Nation who takes many odd jobs here and there to support his aging mother. Preferably if the odd jobs involve blowing something or someone up. A pretty nice guy, if he isn't here because someone hired him to kill you. He'll be glad to buy you a drink and tell you about his many adventures.

Heavy: Earthbender

A powerful earthbender devoted to protecting his family. They live in an isolated valley in the Earth Kingdom, but he often journeys into a larger nearby town to visit the markets. He has a past that he refuses to talk about, that weighs him down. No one can get the truth out of him.

Engineer: Earth Kingdom Nonbender

A brilliant inventor who comes up with all sorts of ingenious contraptions to aide him. He has a theory that metal could be bended by earthbenders, but no one wants to listen to him because he's not a bender. Often disregarded by his peers as a crazy man, except for one, a waterbender residing in his town who also happens to be his next-door neighbour.

Medic: Bloodbending and Healing Waterbender

Born and raised in the Northern Water Tribe, he was a promising student of combative waterbending, who also showed an affinity for healing waterbending. This was deemed highly unusual, as healing was left to the women of the tribe. However, he crossed a line when he became infatuated with the dark art of bloodbending, and was banished from the tribe. He now resides in the Earth Kingdom, offering his services as a healer to make money while he studies the different unique forms of bending and how they can be pushed further.

Sniper: Earth Kingdom (?) Nonbender

He lives in a southern coastal Earth Kingdom town with his parents, who are fishers. He enjoys climbing trees and practicing archery, as well as going out on the water with his parents to go fishing. He shows remarkable skill as a sailor. However, he can't help but feel out of place among the other people in his town, for some reason. Maybe it's connected to the fact that he looks nothing like his parents.

Spy: Ex-Air Nomad Nonbender

He abandoned the Air Nomads a great many years ago, cutting ties with the spiritual and pacifist ways of his former people to become an assassin roaming the map. He wears so many disguises that he has lost sight of who he is underneath. He has also lost his ability to airbend. He doesn't mind too much, as he is incredibly skilled with the weapons he wields.

[foxes-that-run]

20 times it was always Haylor

Harry and Taylor often write that the other is irreplaceable, though they are built to fall apart and get back together.

I have limited myself to only 10 songs each which was hard!

Taylor:

Out of the Woods: "We were built to fall apart / Then fall back together / (Back together)"

End Game "I hit you like, "Bang" / We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't" and "And I can't let you go, your handprint's on my soul"

Ready for it: "And he can be my jailer, Burton to this Taylor / Every lover known in comparison is a failure"

Daylight "I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you"

Cruel Summer "And I scream, "For whatever it's worth I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?" He looks up, grinnin' like a devil"

DBATC: " I look through the windows of this love / Even though we boarded them up / Chandelier's still flickering here / 'Cause I can't pretend it's ok when it's not" and "You said it was a great love, one for the ages / But if the story’s over, why am I still writing pages?"

The 1: "And it would've been sweet / If it could've been me / In my defense, I have none/ For digging up the grave another time / But it would've been fun/ If you would've been the one"

Gold Rush: "And the coastal town / We wandered 'round had never / Seen a love as pure as it" and "My mind turns your life into folklore / I can't dare to dream about you anymore"

Question..?:"Cause I don't remember who I was / Before you painted all my nights / A color I've searched for since" and "Does it feel like everything's just like / Second best after that meteor strike?"

Snow on the Beach "Life is emotionally abusive / And time can't stop me quite like you did" and "Weird but fuckin' beautiful / Flying in a dream, stars by the pocketful / You wanting me tonight feels impossible"

Harry:

Stockholm Syndrome: "Who's this whisper telling me that I'm never gonna get away?" and " All my life, I've been on my own (Oh-oh-oh) I used the light to guide me home (Oh-oh-oh) / But now together we're alone /And there's no other place I'd ever wanna go”

I love you: Harry wrote for Alex and Sierra: "Cause I love you, more than you think I do / And I love you, now you don't want me to" and "Every time I try to fight it, everything just turns out wrong /Maybe if I got my timing right, I wouldn't end up alone"

Maybe Someday Harry wrote for Micheal Buble: " For her I bend, for you I break / And if I can't be yours now / I'll wait here on this ground / 'Til you come, 'til you take me away / Maybe someday"

Meet me in the Hallway: "We don't talk about it / It's something we don't do / Cause once you go without it / Nothing else will do"

Sweet Creature: "Wherever I go, you bring me home / Sweet creature, sweet creature / When I run out of road, you bring me home"

Fine Line: "You've got my devotion But man, I can hate you sometimes" and "You sunshine, you temptress / My hand's at risk, I fold / Crisp trepidation I'll try to shake this soon"

Golden "I know you were way too bright for me I'm hopeless, broken, so you wait for me in the sky" and "I can feel you take control (I can feel you take control) / Of who I am, and all I've ever known Lovin' you's the antidote / Golden"

Adore you: "I'd walk through fire for you / Just let me adore you/ Like it's the only thing I'll ever do"

As it was: "Seems you cannot be replaced / And I'm the one who will stay, oh" / In this world, it's just us / You know it's not the same as it was"

Music for a Sushi Restaurant: "I don't want you to get lost I don't want you to go broke / I want you / It's 'cause I love you, babe / In every kind of way / Just a little taste / Know I love you, babe"

Ok one more

[sciatu]

MILAZZO - BAIA DEL TONO

Partendo da Milazzo in autobus, si raggiunge facilmente il lato che guarda verso Palermo di quella lunga striscia di terra protesa verso nord che è Capo Milazzo. Su questo lato, da cui è possibile vedere le Eolie e l’Etna, vi è una lunga spiaggia amata dal sole che prosegue dritta e chiara fino a finire in un golfo formato dal piegarsi verso ovest dell’alta collina che costituisce il Capo. Dopo quella curva, la scogliera prosegue alta e scoscesa, formando qua e là insenature e spiaggette fino ad arrivare alla punta estrema del capo per poi piegarsi verso sud a formare l’altro lato del lungo promontorio. Su questo lato, ricco di uliveti e lunghi filari di uva da cui nasce il Mamertino, solo poche case, immerse in grandi giardini circondati da bouganville rosse o arancione e palme dall’esili forme. La lunga spiaggia sul lato ovest è quindi l’unica parte dove è possibile fare quell’oziosa attività che consiste nel prendere il sole e nuotare nelle acque calde e trasparenti del mare. Dove la lunga spiaggia finisce c’è la baia del Tono o, come è chiamata in siciliano “a N’ Gonia”, parola derivata dal greco che vuol dire semplicemente “l’angolo”. La baia del Tono era la parte terminale della più grande tonnara del lato nord della Sicilia, attività cruenta dove centinaia di tonni venivano uccisi per garantire la sopravvivenza della popolazione costiera. Di tutto quel dolore e sangue che si perdeva nelle acque marine non è rimasto nulla. Pigramente ci si lascia bruciare dal sole attendendo l’ora di pranzo per mangiare a prezzi modici nei vari stabilimenti balneari un delizioso piatto di paste con le sarde o alla norma. Verso sera il cielo si accende in tramonti che tolgono il fiato e stupiscono per l’assoluta bellezza.

Leaving from Milazzo by bus, you can easily reach the side facing Palermo of that long strip of land extending northwards which is Capo Milazzo. On this side, from which it is possible to see the Aeolian Islands and Etna, there is a long beach loved by the sun which continues straight and clear until it ends in a gulf formed by the high hill that forms the Cape bending towards the west. After that curve, the cliff continues high and steep, forming here and there inlets and small beaches until it reaches the extreme point of the cape and then bends towards the south to form the other side of the long promontory. On this side, full of olive groves and long rows of grapes from which the Mamertino wine is born, only a few houses, immersed in large gardens surrounded by red or orange bougainvillea and palm trees with slender shapes. The long beach on the west side is therefore the only part where it is possible to do that idle activity which consists of sunbathing and swimming in the warm and transparent waters of the sea. Where the long beach ends is the Tono bay or, as it is called in Sicilian "a N' Gonia", a word derived from the Greek which simply means "the corner". The Tono bay was the terminal part of the largest tuna fishery on the north side of Sicily, a bloody activity where hundreds of tuna were killed to ensure the survival of the coastal population. Of all that pain and blood that was lost in the marine waters there is nothing left. You let yourself be burned by the sun while waiting for lunchtime to eat a delicious plate of pasta with sardines or alla norma at reasonable prices in the various bathing establishments. Towards evening the sky lights up in sunsets that take your breath away and amaze you with their absolute beauty.