#Char Memphis

[numetaljackdog]

remembering my old manager who would only ever play heat waves by glass animals for the entire shift. i do not miss that guy

[wanderingelvis]

I love your whole dynamic with innocent reader and elvis, so I had this idea and was wondering if you found it inspiring and wanted to write something on it, only if you want to, I'll love whatever you write even if it's not this haha <3 But because the Memphis mafia knows that Elvis cares about reader a lot and knows Elvis likes it when the mafia distances themselves from reader maybe when they invite a friend whose not familiar with the terms that come with being around Elvis and reader to Graceland the friend oversteps one of the boundaries that Elvis usually has set for the mafia. It could be anything like maybe the guy hurts reader's feelings or makes her uncomfortable, or is too nice to her for Elvis' liking, etc!

LOVE this, thank you so much! 🧚 Masterlist 🧚 Word Count: 2,790

Pairings: 60s!Elvis x Innocent F!Reader

Warnings: Attempted se*ual assault, mild mentions of violence, cursing, possessiveness, isolation of reader

Of course Elvis wanted you to be happy, he wasn't a monster, but he drew the line at your happiness coming from another man. If this made him selfish then so be it, he could live with himself being selfish if it meant he was the only source of your happiness. 

But this meant there were guidelines for the Mafia, so to speak. He'd had a word with Jerry, who Elvis deemed to be the most understanding of the group, to pass on the message and make it known that whilst no-one should ignore you, you certainly shouldn't be entertained by anyone but Elvis. 

Naturally, being the sweet and somewhat dumb little thing you were, you had no idea that there was this unspoken rule in place. You simply thought the Mafia weren't very fond of you so you liked to stay right by Elvis' side, just where he wanted you to be. 

You'd actually voiced your concerns to Elvis, expressing to him how you felt a bit nervous in a group with all of them but Elvis would always softly assure you that, "Of course they like ya honey, who wouldn't?". But you were still never quite convinced.

So when all the Mafia and their partners were over at Graceland for a summer cookout, and Charlie Hodge had brought his friend Jonny for the first time, you were absolutely determined to make a good impression and try and make a friend out of him. 

You and Elvis both loved cookouts, you enjoyed hosting and Elvis would always praise you for being his "pretty lil' hostess" and making sure no-one ever had an empty drink.  "Elvis, Y/N, this is my friend Jonny, he actually flew in from Texas this mornin', the son-of-a-bitch basically begged me to bring him here!" Charlie joked, the cursing making you flinch a little. 

You didn't like it when people cursed. For you, cursing was just a sign of aggression that you'd only experienced as a little girl from your father after he'd had maybe one too many whisky's. Elvis knew about how cursing had become a bit of a trigger point for you, he'd promised to never curse at, or around you. 

"Well..." Jonny chuckled with his face growing beet-red at Charlie exposing his desperation to come to Graceland. "Wasn't quite like that was it, Char?" Jonny stammered uncomfortably. 

Elvis, always being the best host, eased Jonny's embarrassment, offering him his hand to shake as he introduced the two of you and welcomed Jonny to the cookout. You squeaked hello, giving Jonny a cute little wave you held Elvis' hand with your other hand. 

The cookout was going brilliantly, and of course it would, with Elvis cooking and you making sure everyone's drinks were full, the afternoon was always perfect.

Once you were satisfied that everyone had been accommodated, you dashed back into the kitchen, getting ready to prepare the next jug of homemade lemonade for your guests.

"Need a hand?" A low voice asked, making you jump and giggle as you saw Jonny in the doorway to the kitchen. 

You offered the man a beaming smile, eager to not have another member of the Mafia become hostile to you. "Oh! Um, it's okay, but thank you! That's real kind of ya, sometimes it's a bit crazy but, um, I think everythin' is under control really! D'ya want another drink or somethin'?" You offered sweetly.

"I'm okay love, y'know, Elvis sure is one lucky fella to have you as his girl." He admitted, making you blush at the sudden compliment.

"Oh well, I don't know about that, I think I'm real lucky to be with Elvis. He's so talented and kind and all, and I'm just-" You paused, chewing on your lip. "Well, I'm just me, s'pose." 

Jonny could tell that you were a shy, insecure and innocent little thing, in fact, anyone who met you could see that in you. You couldn't read social cues as well as others, even now, it was going right over your pretty head that Jonny was trying to pursue you and had less than favourable intentions towards you.

"Well, I think 'just you' is quite alright doll. Hell, more than alright, even Charlie was sayin' in the car on the ride up here about how beautiful and sweet you are and he sure as hell weren't lyin'." Jonny said, making you blush a little as he walked towards you as you stood by the counter.

A soft giggle left your lips at his words. You thought he was being awful silly, Charlie barely spoke to you. "But Charlie doesn't even speak to me!" You giggled. "He wouldn't say that!" 

Jonny looked down fondly at you. He'd read things about you in the paper and heard multiple stories about you from Charlie and it was never really the King that Jonny had wanted to meet, no, it was you - the King's little princess.

You started to feel a little nervous at how close he was to you, but you tried to brush the feeling aside, figuring that he was just being friendly and oh boy, you really were desperate to get on Mafia's good side and have at least one 'guy friend' of the lot. And even if Jonny wasn't really in Elvis' circle, it was a good enough start you supposed.

"I'd say you were probably the most beautiful girl, I've ever laid eyes on." Jonny said, making your eyes widen at how forward he was being. 

"Oh, um, gee, that sure is kind of you." You said softly, nerves bubbling up, no-one but Elvis spoke to you like this.

"And I sure don't wanna miss an opportunity like this, to be in the presence of the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and not even try n'get a kiss outta it." Jonny muttered lowly, wrapping his big arms around you, locking you into him as your heart rate picked up and panic quickly set in.

"No, no, I don't wanna give you kisses, no I don't kiss no-one, just Elvis, no." You stammered, suddenly very frightened as you tried to wiggle away in his hold.

Your breathing quickened as your tears began to fill your eyes. "Oh honey, it's just a kiss, you're really gon' deny me one lil' kiss?" Jonny chastised. 

You gasped in shock and immediately jolted away as he leaned in towards you, attempting to kiss you as you began to wrestle and thrash in his grasp, desperate to get away from him. Still, it was useless, he had a tight grip on you. 

You didn't know what else to do but elbow him as hard as you could, causing him to cough loudly and stumble backwards, letting you go as he held a hand up to his torso where your elbow had hit him. You couldn't help but feel bad, even though you knew it was the only thing you could do, you just panicked, the interaction scaring you so much. 

Suddenly, Jonny's demeanour wasn't as friendly and affectionate as it had previously been, his eyes dark as he spat on the floor in front of you, a scowl on his face. "You little bitch." He spat, making you flinch, before turning his back on you and exiting the kitchen without giving you another look.

You exhaled in relief as he disappeared as the tears began to roll. There were so many emotions travelling through your mind. You sat down at the little table in the kitchen, covering your face and letting out the soft sobs before you decided you needed to gather your composure. 

There was no way you'd go back to the party, not yet anyway. No, you decided you were going to stay put and try and stay as composed as you possibly could. Everyone always looked forward to a cookout and you didn't want to upset anyone by ruining it, even if it wasn't you that had spoiled everything.

For the next half an hour or so you kept yourself preoccupied with little tasks, from polishing some silverware that you were going to use for dessert later on to organising flowers that you'd picked in the morning.

"Hey there baby, where ya been gone? Yer missin' the food little one." Elvis said, sauntering into the kitchen, a tone of concern in his voice, you'd not appeared in the garden for quite some time which was unlike you, you loved being in the garden and the sun for the cookouts, chatting to all the other women about all sorts of things and standing by Elvis has he cooked the meat, making sure you were doing your best to help by offering to pass him any utensil he needed, just like the good girl that you were. "You okay, honey?" Elvis checked.

"M'okay..." You said softly, focusing your attention on the flowers you were putting into a vase, flowers that you thought were awful pretty lookin'.

Elvis studied your face as he realised you were avoiding eye contact and trying to distract yourself from something with your pretty flowers. 

Elvis sighed a heavy sigh before you felt yourself being spin to face him, as he then picked you up from under your armpits and sat on the counter, right next to your flowers and opposite Elvis. 

Naturally, it was no secret that there was a size difference between you and Elvis and he'd always been able to overpower you and man handle you and in truth, you didn't really mind. No, you didn't really mind when Elvis would just suddenly pick you up and place you in his lap, or pick you up and spin you around after a show, you just felt looked after but on occasions like this, you did wish that he wasn't able to play with you like a rag doll.

"Now, baby, you know I can't help you feel all good n'better if ya don't tell me what's botherin' you, dontchu?" Elvis cooed, placing a finger under your chin and tilting your head up so that you could look at him.

You gulped a little, nervous when you were put on the spot like this, but you nodded compliantly, of course Elvis was right, he was always right.

"Shall we try that again then hm?" Elvis asked and you nodded once more, your eyes becoming ever so glassy with little tears threatening to trickle. "What's got my little love all quiet and sad?" 

You opened your pink, plump lips but a heavy lump in your throat sabotaged you, leaving you unable to voice what had just happened to you. You swallowed the lump in your throat and tried again, Elvis gently rubbing your arm, his concern growing as he watched your state become more and more fragile.

"Y'know Charlie's friend, um, J-Jonny?" You feebly said, you voice barely louder than a whisper. Elvis simply hummed in response, letting you continue. "He um, h-he, well, he was bein' real' friendly see, and, u-um, well I was chattin' to him and then he tried t'kiss me, and, and, I promise I wasn't tryna be a flirt, I p-promise," Your voice cracked at your words, your fear that Elvis would somehow think that you were leading Jonny on, but Elvis knew you were telling the truth the moment the words left your lips.

See, Elvis knew what a good girl you were, you wouldn't hurt a fly nor would you dare lie to him, the only time you'd lied to Elvis was for his birthday when he correctly guessed the present that you were getting him was his favourite cologne. You lied and told him he was wrong to keep up the surprise but the guilt of lying to Elvis wracked through you which you'd eventually told Elvis, and you'd even asked him to drop you off at Confession as you just felt so bad for the white lie you told.

So there was no doubt in Elvis' mind that the little thing that was all sniffly and shy in front of him, would even think about flirting with any other man. He did however believe the idea that a man that was unfamiliar with the guidelines Elvis had set out regarding you, finding you irresistible and vulnerable enough to try and take advantage of you.

"Ssh, baby, it's okay, I know you were just bein' polite honey, dontchu worry about that." Elvis hushed, tracing his fingers along your hairline, trying to soothe you and trying to be as gentle with you as possible, even if there was a hell of a lot of anger bubbling up inside him. 

He watched as you visibly seemed to relax a little at his reassurance, but the ordeal had clearly overwhelmed and scared you.

"Can you tell me what Jonny did to you, baby?" Elvis asked you as you nodded your head shakily, using the sleeve of your top to wipe away stray tears, something Elvis would've scolded you for if it were any other occasion.

"H-He, um, he tried to um, to kiss me Elvis, and I tried to push him away, but he wouldn't, he wouldn't let me go and I elbowed him, and I f-feel, I feel real bad about it because I didn't wanna hurt him, I promise Elvis, I r-really promise but um, it was just so s-scary, I just got scared, I didn't know what to do, I didn't wanna kiss him, I only kiss you." You cried softly and oh, how Elvis' heart broke. 

He blamed himself, he should've known better than to let a stranger into your home together.

"Then, um he, he called me the 'b-word', I don't wanna say it, but you know the one-" You stopped speaking when Elvis nodded, understanding exactly what you were saying. "And then he left and I was just, I guess I just got scared he was gonna tell you I hurt him and I didn't mean to, and I just got upset, I just wanted to make a good impression and make friends with him." You let out a wobbly sigh, exhausted by what had happened. "I just wanted to make friends, m'sorry, it was just the first time one of the guys seemed to like me and I s'pose I just misunderstood." You trailed off, so sad that your attempt at making friends with a guy had backfired so much.

"Oh dolly, you didn't know any better, did you?" Elvis cooed as he looked down on you. You were a teary albeit beautiful sight to behold. You shook your head in agreement. "He clearly had bad intentions baby, just tryna' take advantage of my little girl." 

"I don't think I should have man friends no more." You said gently. "I just wanted some more friends, but I think I should only have girlfriends, I don't wanna be friends with no more guys no more I don't think." You said softly, babbling your thoughts out loud, but it was music to Elvis' ears hearing you believe you shouldn't be surrounded by any men other than him.

"I think that's a very good idea little one." Elvis agreed, cupping your face in his large hands. "I ain't ever gon' let you be in a situation like that again, never." Elvis promised you, his tone so, so serious. 

"Now, I don't think you're in any fit state to be entertainin' sweetheart, and I ain't exactly in the best o'spirits right now, so you're gon' head on upstairs f'me, get undressed and get the bathtub goin', I'm gon' tell all of them outside that party's over, they all gotta go, then I'm gon' come find you and give you a bath and then we're gon' go to the Jungle Room and watch whatever you wanna watch on the television set, okay? Just us." Elvis said and you nodded, certainly liking that idea far more than going outside and being faced with Jonny again, although you did feel bad for ruining the cookout, even if Elvis would later assure you that it was not your fault in the slightest.

Elvis pressed a kiss atop your head before allowing you to jump down from the counter, doing as you were told after cuddling Elvis and running upstairs to yours and Elvis' room. 

As the tub was getting full with water, you couldn't help but peek out of the curtains, watching as each of the guests departed. 

The last guests to leave were Charlie and Jonny and even though they were in the car and a little hard to see, you could've sworn Jonny was driving away with a busted lip and black eye. But when you asked Elvis about it nervously, he reminded you that you'd had a very overwhelming day and you weren't thinking straight and you nodded, realising that he was probably right. 

Elvis was always right.

[kinderfunk]

i made a mix 8~}

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

me and my shadow • peggy lee

babylonian pearl • can

no gold • cardiacs

poor moon • canned heat

lord god love • peter iver's band with asha puthli

there's no blood in bone • the poppy family

the floppy boot stomp • captain beefheart & the magic band

mr. motion • t rex

earthman sam • eowyn bennett

the supermen • david bowie

sadman • molto brutto

sleepy sweet • pram

examination of what • digable planets

stuck inside of mobile with the memphis blues again • the seattles

biological speculation • funkadelic

hippie boy • the flying burrito brothers

the breather • zoogz rift

i hear voices • screamin' jay hawkins

butterfly mind • arcesia

memories • red dirt

green bubble raincoated man • amon duul ii

you and your sister • tender cruncher

sparkling world • ann steel

about a quarter to nine • the electric prunes

blue • kevin ayers

end of the night • the doors

[beingharsh]

General Mills, Inc. P.O. Box 9452 Minneapolis, Minnesota 55440 United States Dear Old El Paso, I am also old and was born thumbless. (And I have been to the cacti plains and stockyards of El Paso while SHOPPING alone.) Haggard. Lines on my face like a roadmap although no one these days knows how to read a roadmap, do they? Or how to name a bird, build a low tire fire, eat a charred cow with pocketknife, smell the stars, run a trotline, play a spoon, bang a gong, get it on, wrestle a wounded coyote to the ground, and so on. When I was a kid no one even gave us schoolbooks. You had to write your own book, at home, bind it yourself (mine was mostly sestinas about farm animals and made of cornstalks and barbed wire), and walk to school through THE DREADFUL VALLEY while pushing your books in a wheelbarrow. But I digress.   As most know by now, my wife was hit by lightning while skinny-dipping. I am RESPONSIBLE for numerous kids! Eight are mine but we HELP out others round these parts (over by the White River Bridge, eastside, respect). Weary is my forehead. Like everyone decent and good I know, we lost the farm. A corporation took it and gave it to Japan. I moved to Indiana and now commute to work outside Memphis, Tennessee as a janitor for a chemical company. Poorly paid and dangerous as TETRAHYDRAFURFURAN. Brimstone and greed. Starlings fly over and drop dead. One day my Camry exploded. We have an inside guy with OSHA and we get tips if they are coming for inspection, I'm sorry. I've seen a forklift take flight off a building and crush a secretary. We don't get BBQ, iced tea, or medical, not free. I could name the chemical company, but I will not. It rhymes with Poo Font. And HOW do I FEED all those kids? I'm glad you asked. Carp tacos. Five days a week. (We eat cattail reeds pulled from the marshy shoulder of highway 40 on weekends.) Each kid gets HALF a taco. This is how we survive, no, thrive. We are a happy family. We don't need money. Or TIME. We dwell within the prickly embrace, the bayonet and hammock, of love. It takes a village. Last Tuesday I got off work and briefly visited the burlesque shows of the greater Mississippi delta and the Tunica casinos for my WELLNESS and then drove to Indiana and called to the kids and opened the usual box of OLD EL PASO ESTABLISHED 1938 SOFT AND HARD TACO DINNER KIT. And for what? Despair. FIVE hard tacos, not the PROMISED 6! FIVE! (I am enclosing visual evidence.) Please disclose yourself. Please tell Brody why she had no dinner at all. Hold her tiny hand as her stomach guffaws in agony. I request an explanation and at LEAST one hard taco shell. Fair is fair. Unfair is unfair. I had to explain MENDACITY to Brody, not fun. She's only three and cries at the flick of a Bic lighter or the creak of kudzu in the night breeze or even the persistent odor of gasoline (or at missing meals). Honestly, I feel like I've lost my family. And my farm. Once again. Sincerely, S Lovelace 13497 W River Valley Road Yorktown IN 47396 United States

"Complaint: Old El Paso", Sean Lovelace

[karouvas]

top 5 diviners characters!

Sorry I took a while with this anon I just wanted to write out my thoughts properly since I don’t get to talk about my Diviners bbs often :). #1-2 and #4-5 are basically tied in terms of my feelings for them so I just differentiated rank based on how satisfied I was with their arcs/overall stories especially based on my reread last winter break because reading them back to back rather than as they were being published threw some of that into relief for me.

Theta Knight — I Adore this girl, have since day one and on reread especially she has my favorite arc of any of these characters, I love how her learning to accept her powers works in tandem to her de-learning the feelings of guilt she has from her abusive childhood and marriage. She also has such cool powers not just the fire but I also love that she’s the diviner who is given the title of Witch specifically in BTDBY in a way the others don’t, and how she ends up kind of claiming it. She’s also so deeply loving as a person yet at the same time unwilling to put up with bs, very stubborn frank and down to earth about the things that matter which makes her dynamics with others great to read about especially this makes her friendship with Evie Really fun because I love Evie but she does need that type of tough-love-mixed-with-support from someone. I of course love her friendship with Henry they’re very Margo-and-Eliot coded bi girl (I mean I know that’s not technically canon for Theta but I’m convinced) gay man found family friendship <3 and her relationship with Memphis is lovely very few of those love-at-first-sight-instant-connection ships work for me but they’re one of the exceptions and the way the maturity and growth of their relationship develops over the course of the books is really something. 

Ling Chan — girl who is me. Excellent INTP representation for once and she’s brown and wlw too I stay winning :). Ling is such an important character to me personally I really relate to the way she thinks, her being very logical and skeptical by nature but also finding beauty in tradition and the theme of being caught between worlds in different senses. I also love her powers I find dream powers fascinating and imo this verse handles them the best in terms of explaining them and keeping them interesting  (and I say this as someone who’s favorite series is the raven cycle lol). She has such great dynamics with other chars I loved her toxic romantic friendship in the dream world with Wei-Mei and her friendship with Henry and Memphis and Theta I have mixed at best feelings about Jericho but he’s by far the most entertaining to me in his dynamic with her in the last book, and her clashing with Evie was handled pretty well and I liked her arc around internalized misogyny but I do think she got very little to do in the last book and she peaked in the middle books, which is why she’s slightly bellow Theta. She’s so special to me though. 

Evie O’Neill — she’s just an excellent protagonist so three dimensional and interesting while also being very charming and fun, and the right amount of frustrating at times but you still love her. She’s ‘swell :).I also was pleasantly surprised by some of the notes on mental health and grief that got touched on in her storyline. 

Memphis Campbell — the Diviners men rank pretty close for me but like with Theta the fact I was most satisfied with his arc overall solidifies his ranking. King of Crows is my least favorite of the four books (I’m a huge believer that middle book syndrome is fake and those are often the best/most interesting books in especially characters driven series and that’s true here) although I still have love for it but the full circle of his poems as the voice of tomorrow was top tier and I loved the growth in his confidence and his relationship with Isaiah. 

Henry Dubois — he’s only last because he got precious little to do in books that weren’t Lair of Dreams which is where he shone, but I love him his friendships with Theta and Ling are honestly my favorite dynamics in the group And I just, have a real soft spot for the guy similar to how I feel about Eliot from the magicians. 

honorable mention to Sam Lloyd who I also am v affectionate towards! Funnily enough I did not like him much my first time reading book 1 but I had a quick turn around on him and Samevie in lair of dreams (I. Love their fake dating plot in that book it’s the best ever). So yeah, he’s a good. 

[evilasiangenius]

The Great House

“So.” Aziraphale said, appearing behind her. “What brings you to Memphis this time, Crowley? On assignment?”

Crowley startled at the Prince of Hell’s sudden appearance, flinching back, not immediately recognizing Aziraphale. She had never seen the Prince of Hell like this before, attired like a human being. Aziraphale wore a long plaited flaxen wig, hung with golden ornaments and crowned with dark blue lotuses. Blue eyes were limned with kohl and the voluptuous curves of her body were hugged tightly by a long sheath dress of grayish linen that was woven through with zigzagging lines of dark blue, crimson, and gold. Around her neck was a heavy collar necklace of beads of silver and lapis lazuli of a shade that was the color of the sea at dusk, a luminous blue that verged on charred black.

Crowley glanced at Aziraphale’s hand and there was that iron octopus ring, the symbol of a Prince of Hell, gleaming obsidian.

“My apologies. How do you do? I hope you are well, as I am,” Aziraphale smiled charmingly, and Crowley looked away.

“Eh, you know. Court musician,” Crowley said with a shrug, quickly getting over the surprise. After all, it was not the first time that the other side’s Representative had appeared before her like this. As time passed, it seemed that the surprise was wearing out and the pressing need for a flaming sword was slowly diminishing.

A human walked by, and Aziraphale’s head turned to follow. A moment later the demon’s skin color shifted, becoming a dark umber.

“What-” Crowley blinked.

“Camouflage,” Aziraphale winked.

A pleasant breeze blew through the courtyard, damp and cool as if the wind preceding rain, and the hem of her plain linen dress fluttered in the wind.

“White suits you well,” Aziraphale smiled, her eyes lingering on Crowley. “Makes the crimson of your hair even more striking. Is this sheer linen the style of the court? I should adjust mine to match...”

“White...looks good on you too. Except it looks a bit more, well, gray?”

“Rather. Couldn’t look out of place here where everyone likes their white linens but of course a demon of my stature can’t go around looking like the Opposition.”

“It looks very striking and almost white.”

“Never white, not anymore.” Aziraphale smiled a brittle smile, and then pointed to the pendant that hung from a delicate cord tied around Crowley’s neck. “I see you’re wearing a new necklace yourself. Nice pendant. But don’t humans usually wear such pendants in their hair? Protection from drowning or some such belief?”

“Oh yes,” Crowley tried to suppress a shy smile, touching the cool stone with her fingertips but feeling the heat of its creation inherent in the curves of stone. “But I want to keep it safe. It’s a gift from a friend.”

“A friend? I didn’t know angels were allowed to have friends, much less human friends.” A strangely familiar voice, and Crowley turned, only to feel her heart sink. It was Asmodeus, the Second Prince of Hell, and like Aziraphale, the Second Prince had taken on a female form.

Taller than both Crowley and Aziraphale, the Second Prince was dressed in plain gray linen but with a striking collar of silver and malachite beads. Asmodeus too wore a ring of black meteoric iron, but hers was in the form of a serpent, curled around her finger. Something about Asmodeus wearing kohl around her bright green eyes made her seem particularly nefarious, and Crowley found herself shrinking away before this newcomer.

“Uh...” And Crowley could not speak for a moment, realizing that she did not know how to address Asmodeus.

“You may address me as Asmodeus, darling angel. We’re rather casual here on Earth. It’s not as though this is a formal meeting by any means,” Asmodeus said lightly, tossing back a thick blonde mane that had been braided into long thin plaits, hung with twisted golden ornaments that upon closer inspection were little serpents twined through her hair. “I see you’re here for the ceremony too. Have you come as Representative on Earth?”

“Ceremony?”

“Did you not hear?” Asmodeus said, with a subtle hint of venom in her voice. “Oh, but you’re here for something else, aren’t you?”

“Court musician,” Crowley said, in a small voice.

“Where’s your harp then, little angel?” Asmodeus smirked.

“Not playing the harp? Playing the double pipes. Just made a new set of reeds too...and...” Crowley made an exaggerated gesture of dismay. “Oh no, I really ought to go, I need to replace the reed water and clean out the condensation and-”

“Strange,” Asmodeus said with feigned casualness. “I had it on good authority that you played the harp.”

Speechless, Crowley wondered how Asmodeus would know, and without meaning to he looked over at Aziraphale.

“Well darling,” Asmodeus smiled coldly, “it seems like you’re an angel of many talents. Perhaps we’ll see more of your abilities soon.” With that, Asmodeus strode off, disappearing into the palace complex.

“...wait! Hey!” Crowley startled, realizing that she was supposed to be thwarting any evil that might be coming from a Prince of Hell. But just then, Aziraphale decided to go the other direction.

“Wait!” Crowley cried out, unsure of who to follow.

x

[thegardengrows-infrozenrain]

love how tumblr tried to kill tagspam by limiting you to 30 tags with 140 chars each and also if you tag a specific way then only the first four tags will show your post in searches or whatever and also only original posts will show and not reblogs anymore (and that is ANY reblog, not just reblogs with nothing on them)

but then you still see porn bots scattershotting every trending fandom tag (plus some extras) and the only thing it's done is make rambling in the tags (and more importantly, trigger tagging posts!!!!!) needlessly difficult and also wrecked visibility if you reblog something and add to a post and then tag it with the same tags

also they broke tagging again so now the automatically added end character for each tag will eat the last few letters of a tag and also you can't actually hit the 140 character limit anymore??? you have to come like three under it or you can't add the fucking tag and it still gives you that obnoxiously condescending "Ooops!!! Tags can only be 140 characters or less!!!!" warning.

also hitting 30 tags shouldn't give me a shitfuck ass fucking "You did it. You reached 30 tags" message. just say "tag limit reached" or something c'mon you're a fuckin website and the only thing this makes me wanna do is strangle your entire fucking database center (as in the physical building. get my hands around that bricky bitch.) because i'm a fuckin tumblr user not a five year old and this whole like impersonal friendliness added to error messages and shit these days makes me so pissed.

enough with the "teeheeheehee!!! oopsie daisies!!!!!🌺🌺🌺✨✨✨ ouw code monkies cant handwe mowe dan 30 tagsie-wagsies!!!! oooh noooo 😭😭😭😞😞😞😔😔😔😕😕🙁🙁🙁☹️☹️☹️😥😥😥😨😨😨😰😰😰🫠🫠🫠wooks wike youw gonna hafta wemove some tags!!!! ❌❌❌☹️☹️☹️🥺🥺😢 but make suwe dey'we onwy 140 chawactews! da code monkies eat ur tagsies and dey get tummie aches if dey'we too wong!!!!!! ^^ uwu nya rawr >w< xDDD" type shit. just fucking tell me "character limit reached" or something is it that difficult to just give users information directly anymore??????

also fuck the errors when your internet disconnects and it's like "this is a dashboard haiku. no posts here. who knows why?" "your dashboard is empty. soon it will be lush once more" on the app. that and the stupid fucking astronaut in the fuckin alegria/corporate memphis artstyle on youtube. fuck you. i don't need you to try to be funny and make me laugh because my internet connection is slightly spotty or to be given a fuckin illustration. just say "your connection isn't working". come on, say it with me. "your" "connection" "is not" "working". was that so hard? i get it's because it's ALSO a fallback in case the servers are down for some reason but jesus christ.

at least fucking facebook and instagram just give you "failed to load. check your connection" errors when they go down and most people know if you see them while your internet is up it means the website's having trouble and to wait a while. people aren't fuckin stupid and they don't need to be hand-held when a fuckin website goes down to the point you need to be vague and qUiRkY about it.

like if this shit doesn't stop i will find a way to physically choke a server rack. you fuckin wait. i'll make a goddamn computer experience asphyxiation. i'm gonna take your fuckin machines and i'm gonna fuckin feed them orbeez until they experience whatever the computer equivalent to an intestinal blockage is.

worthless piece of shit fucking website fr

[fishrpg]

2024-04-29: The Ghost of Casey Jones (Encounter)

Casey Jones was a white railroad engineer on the Illinois Central line who died in a train crash in 1900 and was immortalized in a folk ballad composed by his Black friend, Wallace Saunders. Jones was known for being extremely punctual with his arrival times and also for his peculiar way he operated the engine whistle so that everyone knew when he was coming down the tracks. On the night of the crash, Casey had to fill in after another engineer called in sick and make up 75 minutes on an overnight passenger route from Memphis, Tennessee to Canton, Mississippi. On this fateful trip, he was using the powerful Engine No. 382, which had the nickname of "Cannonball" because of how fast it could go. The crash happened near Vaughn, Mississippi, where three other trains were out on track trying to reposition. Casey Jones was the only fatality of the wreck, which would have been much worse had Jones not tried to stop the train up until the very end. All these years later, the ghost of Casey Jones is said to haunt the rails of the Illinois Central.

Ghost of Casey Jones Encounters (1d6)

A long, lilting whistle races down an empty section of track, coming from nowhere in particular, followed by a huge gust of wind strong enough to knock down anyone standing close to the tracks.

The twisted wreck of Engine No. 382 is entangled with the rear cars of another freight train. A man lies on the ground, waking up from unconsciousness after a head injury. He identifies himself as Simeon "Sim" Webb, the fireman aboard the crashed passenger train. Curiously, the train appears to be completely empty and Sim doesn't seem too bothered by the wreck. He'll stick around until sunrise, and accompany the party if they decide to investigate the wreckage, but both Sim and the train disappears at sunrise.

A train trundles down the tracks, appearing slightly translucent during the day and glowing a ghostly blue at night. The engineer waves at the party and blows the whistle in the signature style of Casey Jones.

While crossing a railroad track, the crossing signs activate and a random party member gets stuck to the track. A slow-moving engine soon appears, heading straight for the person on the track. The engineer jumps from the train and runs toward the party member, tackling them out of the way of the train before running back to the engine and yelling at the party to stay off the track.

Standing on the railroad tracks is a horrendously burned man in a train engineer's outfit clutching a broken air-brake lever from a train. He looks at the party and says "I saved 'em all in that crash. Won't be needing this any more." He tosses the broken lever on the ground and fades away.

Brakes squeal as Engine No. 382 tries to stop on an empty section of track. The train shakes and shudders with the effort, and suddenly the engine begins to crumple and catch fire as though it hit an invisible wall. The train continues to travel into the invisible wall, its cars smashing together into a crumpled heap that is only the size of single rail car. Eventually it explodes into a pile of charred shards of metal that fade out of existence within 10 minutes.

[candacehughes]

candace marie hughes. on. paid. candace marie hughes char restaurant building 431 s highland st #120 memphis tennessee 38111 earth card. on paid. house on. paid. driveway appling rd. memphis tennessee earth on. paid. char restaurant building earth on paid. char restaurant on paid. memory on paid. cash memory on paid. notes and monie and money memory on paid.

[thedisneychef]

Best Gas Charcoal Combo Grills: Top Picks and Buying Guide

When it comes to outdoor cooking, having the right grill can make all the difference. Gas grills are known for their convenience and speed, while charcoal grills are loved for their smoky flavor and versatility. But what if you could have the best of both worlds in a single grill? That's where gas charcoal combo grills come in. Gas charcoal combo grills are becoming increasingly popular among outdoor cooking enthusiasts, thanks to their ability to offer the convenience of gas grilling and the smoky flavor of charcoal grilling in a single appliance. With a gas charcoal combo grill, you can quickly fire up your grill with gas for a speedy cook or take your time and enjoy the smoky flavor of charcoal for a more traditional BBQ experience. To help you find the best gas charcoal combo grill for your needs, we've conducted extensive tests on a range of models on the market. In this article, we'll share our top picks based on performance, features, and value for money, to help you make the best decision for your outdoor cooking needs. The best gas charcoal combo grills reviewed 1. Best budget: Dual Fuel Combination Charcoal/Gas Grill The value that this grill provides is difficult to match. Three sides are included: a charcoal side, a three-burner gas side, and a 12,000 BTU propane side burner. You get 295 square inches on the gas side as opposed to 262 on the charcoal side, making the gas side slightly larger. Cast iron is used for the grill grates, while the propane side features 3 stainless steel tube burners with a combined 24,000 BTUs. You get a height-adjustable tray and a front access door for adding charcoal on the charcoal side. Although installation takes some time, the instruction manual is comprehensive and all necessary tools are included. Customer Reviews Reason to buy: ✅ Value for money: For a dual fuel grill with all of these capabilities, this pricing is fantastic. Reason to avoid: ⭕ Long assembly process: Similar to the majority of the grills on this list, this grill requires you to carefully read the directions and will take a long time to put together. 2. Best Overall: Char-Griller 5050 Duo Gas-and-Charcoal Grill The company Char-griller specializes in making reasonably priced, high-quality smokers, grills, and related accessories. One of the market's most adaptable grills is their 5050 Duo Gas and Charcoal Combo Grill. This hybrid grill is made of sturdy stainless steel and has heavy-duty cast-iron grates that have been porcelain-coated for longevity. Grease can be easily removed by brushing the grates clean. You get a major cooking area of 438 square inches on the gas grill and 580 square inches on the charcoal grill with this grill. If this was not enough, both the grills feature separate warming racks. A cast-iron gas burner is also included in the propane and charcoal grill combo to aid in the preparation of your sides. Additionally, it may be made into a workspace by folding down the cover. Additionally, the grill comes with three reliable steel burners that together produce 40800 BTUs, enabling you to heat the gas grill to 500 degrees. You can quickly fire up your barbecue with the electric ignition. Customer Reviews Separate temperature gauges are also included on the lids of the dual gas and charcoal grills for easy measurement of the inside temperature. Reason to buy: ✅ High heat production ✅ Storage for condiments and a bottom rack ✅ Significant cooking capacity ✅ Easily put together ✅ Supplementary side gas burners ✅ Flexible grate for fine-grained temperature adjustment ✅ Temperature indicators Reason to avoid: ⭕ Poor components ⭕ High expense of maintenance ⭕ Not very resilient RELATED: Best Char-Griller Grills 3. If you'd also like to smoke: Pit Boss Memphis Ultimate 4-in-1 LP Gas, Charcoal, Smoker The Memphis from Pit Boss will meet all of your needs if you're searching for a single, all-purpose grill and smoker. This grill checks the boxes for both gas and charcoal cooking, and it raises the bar even further by including an electric smoker feature. Although Pit Boss is better renowned for its selection of reasonably priced flat top grills and pellet smokers, the Memphis offers a 4-in-1 cooking option. 2,167 square inches total cooking space, made up of: - 1,327 square inches of grill cooking space - Smoker electric - 840 square in. With the help of several adjustable vents, you can chill smoke or offset smoke in the gas or charcoal chamber. Customer Reviews Reason to buy: ✅ Provides complete coverage - It's great to have a charcoal or propane grill. The smoker is excellent to have on hand even if you don't anticipate using it. Reason to avoid: ⭕ Be prepared to spend some time assembling this grill because it is a big, sophisticated machine with many parts. ⭕ Several quality control concerns It's difficult to know if this is the result of faulty assembly or Pit Boss's lack of quality control, but many customers have complained about pieces that don't line up, improper seals, and variable temperature. 4. Best combo grill: Smoke Hollow 4-in-1 LP Gas Charcoal Smoker Searing BBQ Grill Model PS9900 Combo grills are typically described as combining a charcoal grill and a gas grill. It's not the same with Smoke Hollow. A remarkable FOUR different forms of barbecue are combined in this unit: propane, charcoal, smoker, and infrared searing burner. The cooking area on this amazing barbecue is a whopping 860 square inches. 30,000 BTUs of power are spread out over this vast area. The infrared burner is a wonderful enhancement. Although side burners are frequently found on gas grills, this one is ceramic, as is typical of high-end infrared grill models. Ceramic is an excellent heat-distribution material, so you can adequately heat food while using less energy or heat leakage. In order to assure durability, it also includes cast iron grates on both the charcoal and propane grill elements. Additionally, it has temperature gauges. It weighs 168 pounds, which makes it heavy but portable. It features top and bottom dampers, much like any decent smoker, so you can properly experiment with BBQ smoking techniques. Reason to buy: ✅ Incredibly adaptable, having an integrated infrared searing burner ✅ Sufficient grilling area ✅ Easy to put together, especially given the size Reason to avoid: ⭕ Uncertain design ⭕ Smoker boxes may be picky. ⭕ If not properly covered and stored, rusts easily. Read more: Best Gas Charcoal Combo Grills 5. Best compact combo: Char-Broil Gas2Coal 3-Burner Liquid Propane and Charcoal Hybrid Grill With 540 square inches of cooking space, this Char Broil combo grill is on the lesser side of the spectrum. It is significantly smaller than other types of combo grills since it consolidates its charcoal and gas capabilities into a single grill. While the Char Broil offers excellent gas and charcoal grilling, this does not imply subpar performance. Its amazing 40,000 BTU output for its propane element is spread over 3 burners. These are placed beneath cast iron grates, which means that very little of the heat generated by them is lost and is effectively dispersed around the surface of your grill. You place a tray, which serves as the grill's charcoal element, beneath the grates. Simply deposit your coals in this tray, then put it back into the grill. It could not be any easier and takes hardly any time. Customer Reviews The tray simply tucks away into a compartment on the side of the grill when not in use. Then, it also has a side burner, which by itself has a BTU output of roughly 12,000. I like how this is separate from the gas and charcoal elements; if you want to cook over charcoal slowly and then quickly sear it, Char Broil has made this very simple for you. Reason to buy: ✅ Streamlined and light design ✅ Simple to switch from gas to charcoal ✅ Side heater and a functional shelf ✅ Built-in gas and charcoal storage Reason to avoid: ⭕ Reduced total cooking surface. 6. Best value: Char-Broil Oklahoma Joe's Charcoal/LP Gas/Smoker Combo The Oklahoma Joe's Charcoal/LP Gas/Smoker Combo might be what you need if you're seeking for a single multi-fuel grill to handle practically all of your cooking demands. This monster combines a 3-burner gas grill, a classic charcoal grill, and an offset smoker so you can cook everything without having to clutter up your backyard with a BBQ joint's worth of equipment. Because the charcoal and gas cooking surfaces are positioned side by side, assembling a two-zone cooking setup is incredibly simple. Three 12,000 BTU burners on the gas side provide 36,000 BTUs of heat, and there is also a side burner. Because of the offset firebox, the charcoal side also functions as a smoker. You can place the charcoal in the offset chamber and use the numerous dampers on either side of the firebox and smoking chamber to distribute the heat and smoke evenly over the meal without directly heating it. Or, for more conventional grilling, just add charcoal to the main chamber. Customer Reviews Although the Charcoal/LP Gas/Smoker Combo is made of strong gauge steel, it is not stainless, thus if you intend to leave it outside, it is better to get a cover. Both the cooking chambers and the firebox contain six cooking grates totaling 1,060 square inches of cooking surface, lid-mounted temperature gauges, and cool-touch steel handles. sufficient for a sizable cookout. Reason to buy: ✅ The grill serves as a smoker and lets you cook with gas and charcoal. ✅ The grill includes side burner temperature ✅ Handles with a cool feel Reason to avoid: ⭕ Heavyweight ⭕ Expensive Read more: Best Extra Large Charcoal Grills Conclusion After conducting research and testing several gas charcoal combo grills, our findings show that the best gas charcoal combo grill is the Weber Summit Charcoal Grilling Center. This grill offers the convenience of a gas grill and the flavor of a charcoal grill, with a large cooking area, versatile cooking options, and high-quality construction. It features a gas ignition system that makes it easy to light the charcoal quickly and efficiently, as well as a built-in charcoal bin that allows for easy disposal of ash and debris. In addition, the Weber Summit Charcoal Grilling Center comes with several other useful features, including a removable LCD timer, a built-in rotisserie system, and a built-in smoker box. It also has a durable, porcelain-enameled finish that resists rust and corrosion, making it a long-lasting investment for any outdoor cooking enthusiast. While the Weber Summit Charcoal Grilling Center is a high-end option, it offers excellent value for its price, and its performance and features make it the top choice for anyone looking for a gas charcoal combo grill that can handle all their grilling and smoking needs. Read the full article

[meteorologistaustenlonek]

Join presenting sponsors Marx-Bensdorf Realtors for Literacy Mid-South's 8th annual Literatini on Saturday, June 11th from 7:00pm - 10:00pm at novel. Memphis.

Sample cocktails from top local bars and restaurants and crown this year’s Literatini champion! Enjoy music, stock up on books, visit the photo booth, and check out a locally curated silent auction. 20% of all sales at novel. the night of the event will benefit our Adult Learning Program.

Each ticket includes a welcome cocktail from Old Dominick Distillery, drink samples and snacks from participating bars/restaurants, and two drink tickets for full-sized cocktails. Drink tickets will be exchanged for a full-sized cocktail at the stations of your choice, and will count as a vote for that vendor. The restaurant/bar with the most votes will be crowned the 2022 People's Choice Literatini Champion. At the end of the night, our judges' panel will vote on the Judges' Choice Literatini 2022 champion.

This year's competitors include South of Beale, Global Cafe, Libro, RP Tracks, Char, Fat Charlie's Speakeasy, Babalu, The Pear Martini, The Pocket, and Edge Alley!

Food provided by Libro and cupcakes provided by Frost Bake Shop.

[bubaluv]

Back at it again with the monster girls

[rockislandadultreads]

Hispanic Heritage Month: Delicious Eats!

Chicano Eats: Recipes from My Mexican-American Kitchen by Esteban Castillo

Esteban Castillo grew up in Santa Ana, California, where more than three-quarters of the population is Latino. Because Mexican food was the foundation of his childhood, he was surprised to see recipes for dishes on popular food blogs that were anything but the traditional meals he grew up eating. He was inspired to create the blog, Chicano Eats, to showcase his love for design, cooking, and culture and provide a space for authentic Latino voices, recipes, and stories to be heard. Building on his blog, Chicano Eats is a bicultural and bilingual cookbook that includes 85 traditional and fusion Mexican recipes as gorgeous to look at as they are sublime to eat. Chicano cuisine is Mexican food made by Chicanos (Mexican Americans) that has been shaped by the communities in the U.S. where they grew up. It is Mexican food that bisects borders and uses a group of traditional ingredients—chiles, beans, tortillas, corn, and tomatillos—and techniques while boldly incorporating many exciting new twists, local ingredients, and influences from other cultures and regions in the United States.

Turnip Greens & Tortillas: A Mexican Chef Spices Up the Southern Kitchen by Eddie Hernandez, Susan Puckett, Angie Mosier (Photographer)

USA Today called Taqueria del Sol “a runaway success.” Bon Appétit wrote: “Move over, Chipotle!” The fast-casual food of Eddie Hernandez, the James Beard-nominated chef/co-owner of the restaurant, lands on the commonalities of Southern and Mexican food, with dishes like Memphis barbecue pork tacos, chicken pot pie served in a “bowl” of a puffed tortilla, turnip greens in “pot likker” spiked with chiles, or the “Eddie Palmer,” sweet tea with a jab of tequila. Eddie never hesitates to break with purists to make food taste better, adding sugar to creamy grits to balance the jalapeños, or substituting tomatillos in fried green tomatoes for a more delicate texture. Throughout, “Eddie’s Way” sidebars show how to make each dish even more special.

Mallmann on Fire: 100 Inspired Recipes to Grill Anytime, Anywhere by Francis Mallmann

“Elemental, fundamental, and delicious” is how Anthony Bourdain describes the trailblazing live-fire cooking of Francis Mallmann. The New York Times called Mallmann’s first book, Seven Fires, “captivating” and “inspiring.” And now, in Mallmann on Fire, the passionate master of the Argentine grill takes us grilling in magical places—in winter’s snow, on mountaintops, on the beach, on the crowded streets of Manhattan, on a deserted island in Patagonia, in Paris, Brooklyn, Bolinas, Brazil—each locale inspiring new discoveries as revealed in 100 recipes for meals both intimate and outsized. We encounter legs of lamb and chicken hung from strings, coal-roasted delicata squash, roasted herbs, a parrillada of many fish, and all sorts of griddled and charred meats, vegetables, and fruits, plus rustic desserts cooked on the chapa and baked in wood-fired ovens. At every stop along the way there is something delicious to eat and a lesson to be learned about slowing down and enjoying the process, not just the result.

Trejo's Tacos: Recipes and Stories from L.A. by Danny Trejo, Hugh Garvey

From the legendary actor and L.A restaurateur comes a cookbook featuring 75 badass recipes, from lowrider donuts and award-winning vegan cauliflower tacos to a sweet and spicy brisket inspired by Danny's mom's barbacoa.

Throughout Danny's life, sharing good food has always been essential--whether it was home-cooked meals made by his mom while imagining the menu for their dream restaurant or whipping up post-wrap celebratory tacos for his Hollywood friends. Now, with his own restaurant empire growing, Danny shares his favorite recipes for bold, fun, and versatile Mexican food by way of L.A. You'll come away with the know-how and skills for cooking slow-braised pork shoulder with bacon and chiles for unbelievably flavorful carnitas, turning spiced fried chicken or Mexi-falafel into tacos and burritos, and how to make cotija and chile mashed potatoes that will impress all your friends (especially when served with brisket!).

The book also includes stories about Danny's lifelong love of food, from the meals his mom made when he was growing up in the San Fernando Valley to a map of his favorite restaurants and hangouts in Los Angeles, how his time in prison led to his acting career and opening a restaurant, and his journey of becoming an AA/NA counselor. Like Danny's restaurants, Trejo's Tacos is generous, hospitable, and symbolic of L.A.'s vibrant Latino culture.

[goblin-iz-whack]

These took forever-

I was inspired by @storyweaverofgondor cats pride edits, and I just kinda wanted to compile the chars I hc to be these sexualities together 🤷‍♀️ I’ll probably make more lol but here we have the mlm and wlw flags to start!

In the mlm flag, from left to right, starting up top, we have: Brexit, Swift (Trax 2), Jazz (Hip Hopper 2), Carioca (from Expreso Astral), Bobo, CB, Killerwatt, Rocky (Rocky 1), Espresso, Turnov, Ruhrgold, Zero, and Gear (a member of GB’s gang).

In the wlw flag, from left to right we have: Momma McCoy, Juke (Hip Hopper 3), Memphis Belle, Ashley, Tassita (a char from the 2017 workshop, I found this weird green Ashley costume and decided to use it for my Tassita looks hc), Cashmere (2nd class sleeper), Zee (3rd class sleeper), Volta, Coco, and Brandi!

Happy pride y’all!!

[whistlingstarlight]

Gimme those coach headcanons 🤲 hand em over 😶

Mootles I have so many 🥺 But I shall give you one for each coach - Pearl collects glass figurines, she must be very careful as they are tiny proportionate to her. Her favourites are the ballerina, unicorn and butterfly that Rusty got her - Dinah actually prefers baking to cooking, as it's something she can do with Greaseball (he's bad at cooking). She especially likes making cookies - Buffy loves bridges, as she originally came from the elevated railway in New York. They remind her of home - Ashley often requests time-off to go and visit any surviving smoking cars on heritage railways. They're always surprised to hear she's still in service, and very proud of her - Memphis Belle has a charred portion on her back. Fire and wooden coaches don't mix - Duvay is unusually small compared to the other coaches. Nobody is really sure why, as her blueprints were lost a while ago - Carrie is a combine car, carrying both passengers and luggage. She takes both aspects of her job very seriously - Brandi is the most cynical of the coaches, and strongly dislikes authority and being told what to do. You have to phrase things very cleverly to get her to do things - Tassita is an expert at lip-reading, and multiple forms of sign language. Work can be very difficult for her due to her sensitive hearing, but she enjoys interacting with HOH and deaf passengers - Belle goes on a lot of blind-dates, although she is very prideful and never shares details about them. - Opal is a first-class observation car like her cousin Pearl, although she is a dome car rather than balcony - Vera and Lina are from a heritage line in England, hence their old Classes. They also like to swap and share clothes sometimes

[evilasiangenius]

The Fish Pendant (adapted from the Westcar Papyrus)

Drowsy with the afternoon heat, Crowley leaned against the limestone wall. Feeling the rough stone beneath her palm, she wondered when the humans might call for her to come inside and play. It was cooler here in the shaded colonnade just inside the courtyard than it was inside, but it was also close enough to hear any calls for musicians. From where she stood she could hear something of a ruckus going on in the main hall of the court as the pharaoh moved about his great house, and she wondered what kind of mischief the man was up to. She hadn’t been at court that long, only a few days, but it seemed that the human caused a commotion wherever he went.

Perhaps this would be a good time to take a little nap, she thought, to sneak away and hide out from all the human silliness. But just before she decided to move, she felt the air itself shift, turning a little cooler and damper, and when she turned around, she was no longer alone.

“So.” Aziraphale said, appearing behind her. “What brings you to Memphis this time, Crowley? On assignment?”

Crowley startled at the Prince of Hell’s sudden appearance, flinching back, not immediately recognizing Aziraphale. She had never seen the Prince of Hell like this before, attired like a human being. Aziraphale wore a long plaited flaxen wig, hung with golden ornaments and crowned with dark blue lotuses. Blue eyes were limned with kohl and the voluptuous curves of her body was hugged tightly by a long sheath dress of grayish linen that was woven through with zigzagging lines of dark blue, crimson, and gold. Around her neck was a heavy collar necklace of beads of silver and lapis lazuli of a shade that was the color of the sea at dusk, a luminous blue that verged on charred black.

Crowley glanced at Aziraphale’s hand and there was that iron octopus ring, the symbol of a Prince of Hell, gleaming obsidian.

“My apologies. How do you do? I hope you are well, as I am,” Aziraphale smiled charmingly, and Crowley looked away.

“Eh, you know. Court musician,” Crowley said with a shrug, quickly getting over the surprise. After all, it was not the first time that the other side’s Representative had appeared before her like this. As time passed, it seemed that the surprise was wearing out and the pressing need for a flaming sword was slowly diminishing.

A human walked by, and Aziraphale’s head turned to follow. A moment later the demon’s skin color shifted, becoming a dark umber.

“What-” Crowley blinked.

“Camouflage,” Aziraphale winked.

A pleasant breeze blew through the courtyard, damp and cool as if the wind preceding rain, and the hem of her plain linen dress fluttered in the wind.

“White suits you well,” Aziraphale smiled, her eyes lingering on Crowley. “Makes the crimson of your hair even more striking. Is this sheer linen the style of the court? I should adjust mine to match...”

“White...looks good on you too. Except it looks a bit more, well, gray?”

“Rather. Couldn’t look out of place here where everyone likes their white linens but of course a demon of my stature can’t go around looking like the Opposition.”

“It looks very striking and almost white.”

“Never white, not anymore.” Aziraphale smiled a brittle smile, and then pointed to the pendant that hung from a delicate cord tied around Crowley’s neck. “I see you’re wearing a new necklace yourself. Nice pendant. But don’t humans usually wear such pendants in their hair? Protection from drowning or some such belief?”

“Oh yes,” Crowley tried to suppress a shy smile, touching the cool stone with her fingertips but feeling the heat of its creation inherent in the curves of stone. “But I want to keep it safe. It’s a gift from a friend.”

“A friend? I didn’t know angels were allowed to have friends, much less human friends.” A strangely familiar voice, and Crowley turned, only to feel her heart sink. It was Asmodeus, the Second Prince of Hell, and like Aziraphale, the Second Prince had taken on a female form.

Taller than both Crowley and Aziraphale, the Second Prince was dressed in plain gray linen but with a striking collar of silver and malachite beads. Asmodeus too wore a ring of black meteoric iron, but hers was in the form of a serpent, curled around her finger. Something about Asmodeus wearing kohl around her bright green eyes made her seem particularly nefarious, and Crowley found herself shrinking away before this newcomer.

“Uh...” And Crowley could not speak for a moment, realizing that she did not know how to address Asmodeus.

“You may address me as Asmodeus, darling angel. We’re rather casual here on Earth. It’s not as though this is a formal meeting by any means,” Asmodeus said lightly, tossing back a thick blonde mane that had been braided into long thin plaits, hung with twisted golden ornaments that upon closer inspection were little serpents twined through her hair. “I see you’re here for the ceremony too. Have you come as Representative on Earth?”

“Ceremony?”

“Did you not hear?” Asmodeus said, with a subtle hint of venom in her voice. “Oh, but you’re here for something else, aren’t you?”

“Court musician,” Crowley said, in a small voice.

“Where’s your harp then, little angel?” Asmodeus smirked.

“Not playing the harp? Playing the double pipes. Just made a new set of reeds too...and...” Crowley made an exaggerated gesture of dismay. “Oh no, I really ought to go, I need to replace the reed water and clean out the condensation and-”

“Strange,” Asmodeus said with feigned casualness. “I had it on good authority that you played the harp.”

Speechless, Crowley wondered how Asmodeus would know, and without meaning to he looked over at Aziraphale.

“Well darling,” Asmodeus smiled coldly, “it seems like you’re an angel of many talents. Perhaps we’ll see more of your abilities soon.” With that, Asmodeus strode off, disappearing into the palace complex.

“...wait! Hey!” Crowley startled, realizing that she was supposed to be thwarting any evil that might be coming from a Prince of Hell. But just then, Aziraphale decided to go the other direction.

“Wait!” Crowley cried out, unsure of who to follow.

“Finally, the last one,” a leering court official said as Crowley turned the corner. She had been certain that she was following...well, one of the Princes of Hell, but now she realized she had other more pressing problems. The official was a handsome man of heroic stature in the prime of his life, which meant that he was still a bit shorter than Crowley but it made him nearly a giant among men. Attired like a priest, his freshly shaved head gleaming and the ceremonial leopard skin draped over his right shoulder, the man looked Crowley over with greedy, lascivious eyes. “Young woman, you have a beautiful body and a well-developed bosom. But your hair is not braided. Never mind, someone will do it. Have you been opened by childbirth?”

“Excuse me? I beg your pardon,” Crowley hissed. “You can’t just go around asking people that. It’s...rude. No, of course not, I-”

“Perfect. In you go!” The man gave Crowley a shove and closed the door behind her. As Crowley got her feet under herself, she could hear the click of the door being locked.

“But I’m a court...musician?” Crowley said lamely, to the closed door.

She turned around. Besides herself and two Prince of Hell, there were seventeen other young women who were quickly undressing and putting on beaded net dresses...with nothing on underneath.

“Who was that?”

“The chief lector priest and book-scribe, Djadjaemankh,” a young woman said as she walked past, her voice full of disdain. Crowley blinked; even by Egyptian standards her clothes were particularly revealing.

“He didn’t look much like a book-scribe or a lector-priest,” Crowley said.

“Well, he’s not much of one,” another young woman muttered as she struggled with her clothes.

“Here,” Aziraphale said, waving Crowley over. “Put this on.”

“What’s going on?” Crowley blinked, relieved to see a familiar face. Aziraphale handed her the bead-net dress, long thin blue-green faience beads slithering with a clink in her hands.

“A ceremony,” Asmodeus said, tossing off her form-hugging sheath dress to reveal a body proportioned perfectly to the Egyptian canon of measure, whose smooth lustrous skin and thick braided hair made other human women stare at her with no small amount of envy. She slipped on the bead-net dress with ease, which was not so much a dress as a dress ornament, made in the form of a dress but without any cloth or fabric backing for modesty or comfort.

“They call it a ceremony, but it’s really no more than a diversion for a bored lech,” Aziraphale said with a scowl. “The pharaoh likes to have young women row about his private lake on a boat, before picking one for later.”

Horrified, Crowley nearly dropped the dress. “What do you mean, one for later?”

“I meant exactly what I said. Don’t worry, the odds of getting picked are 1 in 20.”

“Not bad odds, but not good odds either,” Asmodeus smirked. “Though of course, a little demonic intervention means that we won’t be picked.”

“...oh no...” Crowley murmured.

“Oh no?” Aziraphale asked, solicitous.

“I’m allotted only a certain amount of miracles every turn of the moon. And...I might have used them up already?” Crowley said, embarrassed.

“It’s hardly the first few days after the full moon. What did you use them up on? Snacks? Wine? Travel?” Aziraphale teased.

“Healing the sick,” Crowley said. “Kids, mostly. Would have been an epidemic otherwise.”

“Can’t you apply for more?” Aziraphale asked.

“Of course, but I can’t if I’m here. I’d have to report to Heaven, ask the proper authority for permission, then fill out the correct documentation, and wait for it to be processed. Which...usually takes about a year or three. If I need it sooner, I can apply for an emergency waiver, but that usually takes at least five to seven business days to process...and they’ve been very clear what would happen if I go over.”

“Oh, you’ll be fine little angel. As long as you don’t stand out in any way,” Asmodeus’ smile was all teeth. Sharp teeth. “Just keep a low profile and I’m sure you won’t be noticed.”

“Good point. I can do that.”

“Now, you’ll need someone to braid your hair. All those gorgeous curling tresses. Mmm. Unless you’d like to dip into your reserve of miracles...of, which you don’t have,” Asmodeus said, reaching out to touch Crowley’s dark hair.

Crowley’s breath caught, but just before Asmodeus could touch her, Aziraphale batted the Second Prince of Hell’s hand away.

“It’s fine,” Aziraphale said. “I’ll manage this menial task, my infernal brother. You needn’t lower yourself to doing something so beneath your station. Besides, I have quite a few more hands.”

“But you’re a Prince of Hell too...” Crowley protested.

Aziraphale stretched out his hands, wiggling his fingers in anticipation. “Oh yes, but unlike Asmodeus, I’m quite fond of working with my hands.”

Aziraphale’s hands moved gently through Crowley’s hair, and Crowley looked down at her feet, at the plaited leather sandals that she wore, smudged faintly with dust that did not touch her skin. The touch of Aziraphale’s fingers combing through her hair left strange shivering sensations that ran up and down her spine and inadvertently she made a little sound in her throat that surprised herself; as far as she knew she had never made a sound like this before.

“I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” Aziraphale murmured, as fingers and many of them worked through her hair, some of them combing through long strands, others deftly plaiting her hair into braids.

“No, I’m fine, really,” Crowley gulped. “It feels...er...” And she noticed that Asmodeus was watching with a sharp eye, so she looked down, face hot with embarrassment.

“Hmm?” Aziraphale wondered.

“Fine. I’m fine, it’s nothing,” Crowley muttered.

“He’s rich all right,” Aziraphale said as they pulled the oars of the light skiff, sailing slowly past the pharaoh’s lavish pavilion set up on shore. Crowley turned her head to look toward the pharaoh’s entourage as they passed. Below shaded canopies of fine linen that fluttered in the hot desert breeze the pharaoh sat with the great priests and lords of the land, the men entertaining themselves with drinking and watching the women row the narrow vessel about the lake. Musicians played for their enjoyment on harps, rattles, and double pipes, and servants moved through the jovial crowd, ensuring that the cups were full of beer.

“Ebony oars plated with gold, and the handles made of this expensive sqb wood, plated with electrum.”

“A waste of perfectly good wood,” Crowley agreed. “Wood this fine shouldn’t be immersed in water.” She looked to Aziraphale who sat to her left.

“The two of you should keep it down,” Asmodeus said from her seat ahead of Aziraphale at the front of the boat, pulling at the oars in time with the other young women.

“It’s not like he can hear us. No one can-” Crowley began, but Asmodeus turned back to give her an unpleasant smile.

“No, darling angel, but if he notices you not rowing your odds might go from 1 in 20 to something a lot more unpleasant.“

“Actually, because of demonic interference, the odds are 1 in 18 now,” Aziraphale pointed out. “Which are better odds if you’re gambling and want to be that 1 in 18, as the smaller that second number is, the more likely it will happen. But in your particular case, I don’t think you want to be selected.”

“Surely you wouldn’t want to make it any worse,” Asmodeus added.

“Oh. No, you’re right.” Crowley shut her mouth. Shoulders hunched, she put herself to work, diligently pulling the oars of the light skiff in time with the other women. The sun beat down fierce, and Crowley wondered how many people today would be left with the marks of the bead-net dress as pale shadow lines writ across sun-darkened skin.

Some of the women began to lean over and dip their hands into the water of the private lake, splashing themselves to cool off and it seemed like the right thing to do, to appear as the mortals did.

She leaned over the dark water, and by habit, briefly let go of the oar and pressed the fish pendant against her breast as she leaned out, keeping it safe. When she turned back, she noticed that Asmodeus was watching her. Quickly, she grabbed the oar and continued to paddle without missing a beat.

“A gift from a friend,” Asmodeus murmured to herself under her breath, a sly smile crossing her lascivious lips.

Seven, eight...nine times around the lake and it didn’t seem as if the pharaoh was tired yet of their labors as he directed them from his shaded pavilion on the shore. Crowley felt herself wilting in the heat. She was stronger than the humans, more resistant to heat than cold than any normal human but she was not impervious. A higher-ranked angel might have been given the means to stay almost entirely untouched by the effects of the material world but Crowley was not among those lofty beings.

Again, she leaned over the water, but this time as she let go of the pendant, there was a little sound like a snip, the thin cord snapped, and the pendant went flying toward the dark waters of the lake.

“Oh!” Crowley find herself crying out, trying to grab the turquoise before it fell into the water, but it was too late. With a splash, the stone was gone and Crowley dropped the oar, uncertain of whether or not to follow it in before realizing there was no way she could retrieve it. Once it was underwater, it might as well have been in Hell; there was no way for Crowley to bodily enter the water.

“Are you all right?” Asmodeus asked with false earnestness, and Crowley glanced back to see malicious amusement gleaming in the demon’s green eyes.

“I can’t, I’m...” Crowley stared at the water, at the swaying rushes that edged the lake, at a rising flock of birds in the distance as they took to the sky, as if all these things could yield an answer to a question she dared not ask.

“Can’t?” Aziraphale asked, concerned. “What’s wrong?”

Crowley’s voice was barely a whisper. “Can’t retrieve things from the water. I’m an angel.” Crowley said, dazed. “We don’t sink.”

“A shame,” Asmodeus said lightly. “It was quite a fine pendant. A fish of some sort?”

“An upside-down catfish...always looking up at the world above from below...”

“Can’t you row?” A harsh voice interrupted, and Crowley jumped, realizing the boat had stopped right in front of the pharaoh’s pavilion, and the pharoah had stood up from his chair to shout at the women.

“Our stroke has become still, without rowing,” explained the one of the rowers.

“I can see that! Girl! Yes, you! The one who stopped rowing first! Why aren’t you rowing?”

Crowley blinked as everyone turned to look at her, the girls on the skiff, the officials and attendants of the pharaoh, the priests, the servants, the great lords. Even the birds seem to pause in their chatter.

“Er...that is...lost something valuable?”

“Speak up!” The pharaoh commanded.

“This...fish pendant? Bout this big? Turquoise? On a string? Er...” Crowley blinked, flinching slightly at the many eyes staring at her. “Uh, erm, I uh, lost. A fish pendant of new turquoise. The cord broke and it fell in the water.”

The pharaoh brushed the fine fabric of his klaft headdress back, the simple plain one he wore when he was at leisure, not like the stiff formal nemes. “All this fuss for a hair pendant? Here. You may take one of mine from the treasury.” He pointed to one of his close attendants, a woman who was wearing a fine pendant of gold inlaid with glimmering stripes of lapis lazuli, carnelian, and chalcedony that hung from a twisted braid. The young woman looked down demurely and began to untie it from her hair.

“Sorry Majesty, but no thank you.”

“What do you mean, no thank you?” The pharaoh sounded peeved.

“I...prefer my own pendant, Majesty. That one is important to me. I’d rather not have a substitute.”

Aziraphale turned and gave Crowley a look of amazement, and Crowley shrugged.

“What, it’s the truth,” Crowley said to Aziraphale.

“That golden pendant is worth ten of the one you lost, at least,” Aziraphale said tartly. “Besides the fact that it belongs to the most powerful man in this part of the world. If you don’t like the one he’s offering, at least take it and sell it to buy a dozen or more pendants of your preference.”

“I’d rather have my own thing.”

“And you won’t continue to row until you get it back?” The pharaoh’s expression changed from irritation to curiosity.

Crowley looked up; she hadn’t realized that pharaoh had been listening in to her conversation with Aziraphale. When she glanced over at Aziraphale, the Prince of Hell was looking a little embarrassed, as the demon had forgotten to mask their conversation from the humans.

“Well, if you really want-” And then Crowley looked around at the other young women. Unlike the Prince of Hell who looked as cool and collected as ever, the young women looked rather bedraggled. Sticky with sweat and splashed with lake water, they were stuck all over with dried bits of algae and duckweed that clung to sun-burnished skin, the kohl around their eyes smeared and runny from rivulets of perspiration. The flowers that some wore in their hair were wilted and dying, wigs were sliding off of lovely heads, and braided hair grew frazzled. Many were starting to sunburn, dark skin growing tender and irritated as the skimpy net dresses provided no protection from the harsh sun. “Actually? Actually, I refuse to row. I won’t continue unless I get my pendant back.”

There was a collective sigh of relief that went through the young women, and they all drew their oars in so that the boat could go no further.

The pharaoh chuckled and waved one of his officials over. “Go and bring me the chief lector priest Djadjaemankh,” he commanded.

Crowley and Aziraphale exchanged a look.

“It seems as though you recognize that name,” Aziraphale said, more of a question than a statement.

“Well. He asked me some rather...personal questions. And shoved me.” Crowley scowled.

“Really now. He laid hands on you?” Aziraphale’s eyes grew cold.

“I think he did for all the young women.”

“He did more than push me,” the woman sitting ahead of Crowley said. “He’s disgusting.”

“Terrible.”

“Incredibly wealthy.”

“Powerful.”

“The pharaoh listens to him more than anyone else.”

“We have no say. I don’t even work for the Great House. I was just trying to run errands for my mother in the marketplace and the priests grabbed me and brought me here,” a particularly young girl said, kohled eyes full of tears.

“I wish there was more I could do to help you,” Crowley began, but just then the chief lector priest Djadjaemankh arrived, beckoned over to the pharaoh’s side.

“My dear Asmodeus, I have a suggestion for you...” Aziraphale said, leaning closer to the other Prince of Hell and Crowley startled; this meant that demonic doings were afoot and he needed to be ready to thwart the work of the Adversary.

But instead of overhearing what the two Princes had to say, Crowley was distracted by the pharaoh and the chief lector priest who were both pointing to and looking at her, discussing something that she couldn’t hear. Aziraphale, in the meantime, had finished her discussion with Asmodeus.

“Then we’re in agreement,” Aziraphale said.

“Of course. After all, aren’t we here to sow dissent?” Asmodeus hissed, pleased.

“What are you two-”

And before Crowley could speak, the chief lector priest came to the edge of the water, his hand holding tight to his leopard skin. As he drew closer to the skiff, Crowley noticed that as the priest looked over the inhabitants of the skiff, his eyes became fixed upon Asmodeus, who hissed in a serpent’s voice:

“You will do magic and perform a miracle before all who will witness it.”

Without taking his eyes off of Asmodeus, the chief lector priest Djadjaemankh raised his hands in an attitude of prayer and began to speak, proclaiming that he would perform a miracle in order to retrieve the fish pendant.

A hush fell through the crowd. The pharaoh watched intently, with a child-like curiosity.

The chief lector priest spoke the words of a magic spell, and nothing happened, though the water burbled just a little.

“Watch,” Aziraphale winked.

The chief lector priest spoke the words, again, and the water began to tremble. The girls clung to their oars and each other, and Crowley found herself clinging to the side of the skiff as the water became unsteady.

And for the third time, the chief lector priest spoke the words in a loud, commanding voice, but Crowley didn’t look at him; she looked to Aziraphale and saw Aziraphale’s hand move in a gesture as if drawing something up from below. Suddenly the entirety of water on the other side of the lake lifted up and stacked on top of the side they were on, as if a thick piece of fabric folded in half, though it seemed an invisible dome surrounded the boat and protected its occupants from getting wet. Alarmed, Crowley looked up and around herself. Fish and frogs, insects of all sorts, a diving bird, lily pads and rushes, and even a small crocodile that glided along blithely, not noticing the humans below it. The young women marveled at the sight, crying out to the gods in their surprise.

Crowley’s eyes were bright with amazement. So it was true, she thought, that Aziraphale could make it so that she could see the place where the fish lived herself, without having to go into the water. A warm feeling welled up within her and Crowley found her hand pressed against her breast, in the empty spot where the pendant would have hung.

“Look! I have found the fish-pendant! It lies upon a shard!” The chief lector priest Djadjaemankh shouted, wading into the muck to retrieve it, gleefully snatching it up from the bottom of the lake before wading out again, his entire body splattered with mud, sludge squelching through his bare toes. He ran over and tossed the pendant to Crowley, who caught it despite herself. Later she would wonder; had it been a demonic intervention that landed the pendant so neatly in her hands? Or was it just a good throw? But at the time she was merely grateful for the heat of the love that she could feel within the cold, damp turquoise, the round eyes of the upside-down catfish staring back at her with a curious detached calm.

Djadjaemankh then raised his hands again and said the magic spell, and the water lifted again, unfolding to return its normal place in the lake.

A great clamor went up, and the ceremonial boating was forgotten as attendants and officials alike swarmed the chief lector priest. Asmodeus gave the command to the other girls; they rowed to the dock immediately and disembarked.

“Go quietly home everyone. The pharaoh won’t need your presence anymore,” Aziraphale said. “And keep the dresses, no one’s going to remember that you’ve been given a fortune in faience and leather cord. Though if I were you, I’d be smart about it and take it apart to hock. All right? Good.”

The young women were too smart to cheer, not wanting to draw attention to themselves. Instead, they smiled and waved, saying their thanks before disappearing into the crowds unnoticed and unmolested. As they left so did Asmodeus, who wandered off into the crowd, appearing briefly by the pharaoh’s side before disappearing altogether.

“Just like that,” Crowley said. She was the last one off the skiff, and she held the pendant tight in her left hand as she stepped lightly onto the dock.

Aziraphale grinned. “Just like that.”

Crowley watched as the chief lector priest was feted by the court, the pharaoh calling for him to be heaped with lavish gifts, and she scowled. “Men like him always seem to prosper, don’t they? Shouldn’t have been grabbing girls from the marketplace for the pharaoh’s entertainment. Makes you wonder what other mischief he gets up to. Pervert. Creep. Bast-” She shut her mouth. Walking, no more like stalking down the dock and back, she stopped before the Prince of Hell.

“Aziraphale. You know, I never asked what you were here for.”

“Oh, I can’t tell you why I’m here, Crowley. You know that. Just as you won’t tell me why you’re here.”

“Right.”

“But...” A smug, amused look came over Aziraphale’s face. “Let’s just say that once a man can perform a miracle for a trivial matter, they’ll be expecting him to perform another one when there is a very serious matter. And if he can’t...well, there’s no telling what the other humans will do to such a man.”

“How very diabolical of you,” Crowley said, impressed. “Serves him right.”

“Quite,” Aziraphale smiled. “Say, I think we’re both done for the day now…?”

“About time for supper, maybe?”

“Oh yes.” Aziraphale said, pleased to see Crowley brightening up. “How about a crisp roasted duck with nabk berry sauce? Oooh, and a good resinated wine.”

“And maybe...” Embarrassed to be caught wanting something for herself, Crowley looked away, busying herself by threading the pendant back onto the cord, and tying the cord about her neck, felt the comfortable weight of the pendant around her neck, the stone warm against her bare skin.

Her hands brushed against her as she finished. Crowley paused, feeling the tightly wound plaits, thinking to take them out, but then with a little shiver, remembered who had braided her hair.

“Maybe?” Aziraphale was gentle, giving the angel time, but then noticed that Crowley would not say what it was that she wanted. “It’s all right, my dear, you know you needn’t fear asking me for anything. I won’t get mad at you, I promise. After all, the worst I could say is no. But is it soup? Like that soup we had last time that you liked so much, the one with the fish?”

Crowley blushed, wondering how the Prince of Hell had learned her tastes so well. “Yeah, I guess, maybe soup?”

“Oh of course! Of course we can have soup. We can have whatever you want. I always like a good soup. Have you ever tried one with barley…but is something wrong?”

“We can’t go to supper dressed like this,” Crowley said, gesturing to the bead-net dress that barely covered her nudity. “It’ll be a scandal. And I’m not going back to the palace. I’m losing out on a good set of double pipes as it is but I don’t care-”

“Oh right,” Aziraphale laughed. “Almost forgot.” And with a gesture, both were clothed in plain linen sheath gowns, though Aziraphale’s was of a shade far grayer than the one that Crowley wore.

“Am...am I going to get in trouble?” Crowley could hardly breathe, feeling the power of the miracle forming around her.

“My dear, this hardly counts as a miracle,” Aziraphale said, adorning her own hair with dark blue lotuses, handing Crowley a big white lotus that somehow appeared as the Prince of Hell plucked the flowers miraculously out of the air. “These are just the clothes you were wearing earlier.”

And at that Crowley had nothing to say, but she pressed the flower to her nose, taking in the sweet heady dizzying scent of the lotus as she followed Aziraphale out of the palace grounds and into the vibrant, bustling marketplace just beyond the gates.

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