#Christopher is little pieces of Eddie and Shannon and Buck | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

deluweil · 11 months

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I have burning Buck and Eddie questions,

I mean, I've come to terms with the bad storytelling, the repeated patterns and unfinished, at least in a satisfying way, thoughts displayed on the screen for the entire characters. (Hen's medical adventure, the friction that was between Buck and Chimney, Athena's dad, Bobby and Athena's honey moon (you can't tell me that that frame out of nowhere in the end of the episode said anything, it looked like it slipped in accidentally in editing.) and so many other things that will take me at least two posts to cover.)

But back to my Buck and Eddie questions,

Why?

Why have that couch flirting convo in the beginning of the season?

Why this entire domestic vibe? The fully baked lasagna after three tries? - It was perfect and it was ready and it smelled great.

In parallel to Marina from Station 19, when Maya (this very season) while in therapy, brought Carina a lasagna that gave her food poisoning. Because she was in a hurry when she baked it, that she brought it to Carina before it was ready.

Which, in correct writing world, means Carina and Maya are at a stage they're are not ready to get back together, they need a little more baking (Maya, more time in therapy, and Carina to trust her again) before they are fully baked - ready to get back together.

Buck's lasagna was perfectly cooked! And he served it to Eddie and Christopher.

Is that to say that the lightning strike spoiled Buck? (who apparently is the lasagna in this analogy somehow) and suddenly he's not ready anymore? Maybe he needs one more try before getting with Eddie? but that's beyond three tries - Abby, Ali, Taylor. Death girl makes four, so wth?

Is Marisol representing third try? Shannon, Ana, Marisol. I that what we're waiting for?

Because Eddie seemed ready, after the hospital, after roaming the halls like a ghost until Buck returned to him. - And in full, because they drew so close together after that, to the point that Eddie and Christopher spent their extra time with Buck, in his loft, on the wooden chairs at that wooden table, and none of it seems comfortable, and there's no couch, but Buck was home.

They were comfortable and happy with him.

And he is comfortable with them, happy to have them there.

He couldn't find the peace and quiet and space to heal in his own apartment, it kept getting intruded (I'll circle back to that later) so he found his refuge at Eddie's, he was asleep the second he rested on Eddie's couch, Eddie is home, Eddie is safe.

And the writers made it a glaring point that IT IS Eddie, because Christopher isn't part of the scene, so it's not the second parent here, it's Eddie's partner, his not yet but should be spouse.

In 6x13, we have the glaring parallel between Denny's bio father with Hen and Karen finding out, to Buck being entrusted with Christopher without needing Eddie there to supervise. (going all the way to S3 btw.)

What was that??

Now if it was the only interaction for that episode, I'd chalk that up to fathers and father figures and leave it at that.

But it wasn't - It was preceded by a freakishly domestic scene with all three of them and that POKER DATE - Because it was a date and you can't tell me otherwise.

Both unbelievably dressed up, Eddie looking at Buck like he's his entire world, like he's the only one in that room!

And he timed the exact time down to the second (like Chimney timed the time it would take help to arrive if Maddie gave birth at home and something went wrong) that Buck was dead. - The exact time Buck left Eddie, broken hearted, not breathing, looking like someone ripped his heart out and wheeled it away with Buck.

And Buck looked just as smitten in that poker game, he was having a good time, and seemed completely in awe of this new piece of information about Eddie.

He also glances back a bit in Eddie's direction when he says the exact time Buck was dead, if they were alone, would Buck have asked him or tell him like Maddie told Chimney? "You timed it." - Because that was the essence of that look.

What was the point of that episode??? - It cemented the Buckley-Diaz family so hard, that it was so hard to ignore.

But Eddie says in that episode, when the three were sitting together and he went full-Buck on the research of the side effects of lightning strikes victims. - He says that there was a guy who was struck by lightning and "the lights would turn on and off every time he walked into a room."

Which is the definition of how Eddie sees Buck, especially now after he died and came back and let them drew him closer to the Diaz boys.

But Eddie also said "But it didn't last." - "Only lasted a few weeks."

A few weeks, until Buck met Natalia - who "sees" him.

In between, we have Pepa trying to set Eddie up, but (aside from the fact that Buck's reaction was to ghost her) he wanted to let Venessa down easy, but she beat him to it.

When he says "You don't want to break abuela's heart."

She answers, "Or mine. You understand."

And he did, he does understand. And he was content to move on from there, thinking he wasn't alone, until the funeral scene and then the cemetery where Buck snuffs completely that light he brought with him and tells Eddie that Natalia "sees" him, better than anyone, better than himself.

Was that the writers way to tell us that it was pining Eddie era? that Buck is in crisis?

Because after Eddie was shot he got together pretty immediately with Taylor, after Eddie left he kissed Lucy, now he's dating Natalia after almost dying? A death doula? talk about morbid.

What was the point of that romance? If you can call it that?

In between we have wedding talks, and smores, and Christopher falling asleep on the couch while Eddie goes to get some smores in perfect imitation of Buck, and buddie sitting impossibly closer in the truck while talking about proposals and that damned camera moving to Eddie and Buck when Bobby says "It means you two were meant to be." - Like WTF?

Also, Why would we like Natalia for Buck if her reaction to learning about his life is to walk away as fast as her legs would take her??

And remember when I talked about intruding in the beginning (in connection to 6x12)? Well here we are again.

We have at first Cameron barging in (like Connor, in 6x12) and load all her problems with the other problem child in her life and then in 6x18, Buck leaves the door open for the paramedics, but Natalia barges in through the doors, and then also goes as far as asking if they shouldn't wait for the professionals, either forgetting Buck is a firefighter and is trained for it or doubting him even before they started something together, instead of asking him "have you done this before?" or "Do you know what you're doing?"

That would have gone over way better than looking for outside help inside someone else's apartment who gives you clear instructions of how you can help, it's pretty obvious that he at least half knows what he's doing.

And what the hell was it that made him ask the woman who not, say around three hours ago? came back into his life after leaving him to his mess (Ana, anyone?), to pick out a couch with him?? like wtf?

Like what was the point of it?

Now that I've covered Buck, I'm back to heartbroken Eddie, and don't tell me he wasn't on some level. That look he gave Buck at the cemetery, tells a long and painful story, the one where the bottom line is that he is not enough.

For the first time, in a really long time, Eddie is not enough to the one person who made him feel like he's everything.

Buck saved his life more than once, he SAT with him when he was going through A HARD TIME! (bathena parallels - scream with me!)

What is happening?

In complete rehearse of S4 - Eddie is going for help to everyone but Buck.

This time, it takes the shape of Bobby, on that father in-law, trip to the hardware store, where Bobby gives Eddie the right answer, but Eddie is not ready, not willing or doesn't think it will help to accept it.

Because that person that Bobby was paralleling to Athena ( in a vague way, of course) is Buck, and Eddie knows that too. - He says "So you definitely weren't looking for it." Eddie didn't look for Buck, he found him, he made Buck like him, made him his friend, his co-parent, his pretty much everything.

Because without Buck, Eddie has always floundered, looking for some anchor in the dark, whichever form it may come. - And while Ana came out of nowhere and Eddie was not yet aware of the potential of him and Buck and was stuck in the heteronormative narrative of a "Boy needs his momma" concept, he's well aware now.

Without Buck to steady him, he clings to the next person, who is "right in front" of him, and that is Marisol. It doesn't make her right for him, it just makes her there.

Now, how in the hell did they exchange numbers but talked for the first time weeks after everyone healed (except for Buck, somehow, lol), when in 6x17 Eddie was walking away, is beyond me, maybe telepathically. 🤷‍♂️ - And that "Like a date?" - that awkward first conversation is incomprehensible to me, you've talked, you've exchanged numbers, why does it feel like it's the first time?

Also that rescue in 6x18, I have a lot of medical and procedural questions about that half baked (like Maya's lasagna) scene, but what bugged me the most, was the lack of emotion.

Buck's entire family was in danger, and Buck is being entirely too cold about it? No. Buck wears his heart on his sleeve.

So where is the checking on Eddie as soon as possible, just to make sure he's breathing normally? Where's the hovering over Bobby?

Or going in the ambulance with Chimney? Or calling his sister? Why is Athena the one handling Eddie so gently, but not his best friend?

Where is the emotion? In season 1 Buck said he didn't want to be that red eyed robot, he wanted to be able to feel everything, where did that go? Has Buck resorted to working with his head instead of his heart? Is that the reverting back to Buck 1.0? Not because Buck 1.0 didn't feel anything, it's that he didn't want to get close to anyone who could leave him.

Is that what it is? Because the only real emotion Oliver gave us for that episode, was when held Buck's baby for that split second then handed him to Cameron. - There, and gone.

Now both JLH and Oliver stark are masters at making people FEEL things, tear up with them, why not here? What was the mechanics behind that emergency?

It wasn't interim captain Buck - that was Hen ("Hen that's you"), So what was that??

I have so many question, a lot of WHY, and WHAT, and WTF?? and a variety of WH questions. My mind is a confused mess, if buddie is nonexistent, explain this to me.

Go back to that gut wrenching scene in 2x08 (BUCK ACTUALLY) and make that journey with me up to those confusing 15 minutes of 6x18. - And explain this to me in a way that doesn't sound like stubborn blindness among other things, how buddie is only in our heads?!

If you've managed to get this far, thank you.

Sorry if I insulted someone but seriously this is driving me crazy.

Sending comforting hugs to this beautiful and nutty fandom 🤗❤

#eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #911 spoilers #911 6x18 #loooong rant #deluweil has a lot of thoughts #i have so many questions #explain 6x18 ending to me again #911 fox #118 firefam #so many parallels #too many to be a coincidence #911 s6 buddie meta

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rainbow-nerdss · 8 months

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Written for @augustwritingchallenge day 25 (Joker Prompt): Role Reversal Buddie, 2.8k Read on AO3

or: 5 times people get Buck's role in Chris's life wrong, and 1 time they set the record straight

It starts on a night in December, after Buck tagged along with Eddie when he was bringing Chris to see Santa Claus.

“You two have an adorable son,” the elf says to Buck, after Chris is done, refusing to say what he wished for but laughing when Eddie picks him up and carries him off.

Buck doesn’t correct her. She’s doing her job, and she’s being nice, and there’s no point in making the situation awkward by pointing out the mistake.

He can’t blame her for making the assumption, either — they’re two adults, together. taking a kid out to see Santa. They’d been sitting pretty close together by the fountain, and Buck knows he’s been looking at Chris like a proud parent even though he’s not one.

It’s like a whiplash, though, going from talking to Eddie about Shannon’s place as Chris’s parent, her place in both of their lives, to someone assuming Buck is the one in that place. It makes him uncomfortable, but at the same time… there’s a longing there, for that to be true someday. Not with Eddie and Chris, but with someone.

He rejoins Eddie and Chris, and he doesn’t tell them, either. But he keeps that little mistake, and the warmth it sparked in his chest, and he holds onto it.

He doesn’t know why, not for a long time, but that one little sentence sticks with him.

It’s years later, and Maddie’s just announced her pregnancy to the whole team. Eddie already knows, Buck’s excitement at the news making it impossible for him not to spill. They’re at a barbecue in Bobby and Athena’s back yard, and everyone toasts the happy couple.

Bobby turns to Buck, once the initial round of cheers and congratulations for the parents-to-be. “So you’re gonna be an uncle, huh? How’s it feeling?”

Eddie sips his beer, smiling to himself. Buck’s spoken about anything else since he heard the news, so Eddie’s pretty sure he knows the answer.

“Well, he’s already an uncle, right?” Ravi interrupts. Eddie frowns at him, and Buck looks as confused as he feels.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

Ravi looks between the two of them. “I mean, not by blood, sure, but like…” He gestures over to Christopher, playing with Denny on the ipad.

Eddie feels himself grimace. Something about it strikes him as wrong. Buck’s an important part of Chris’s life, but uncle? He thinks of his own tíos, how they’d come to visit every now and again, spend most of the time talking to his parents and talking to him just long enough to establish how he was doing in school, and whether or not he had a girlfriend.

He knows Buck won’t be like that with Maddie’s kid, but it still feels…. different.

Eddie doesn’t know how to respond to it, honestly. "Buck isn’t—that's not..." But what can he say? That's not how it is. That’s not enough to describe Buck’s importance in Chris’s life.

Eddie looks back at Buck, and sees matching confusion on his face. “Chris doesn’t call me his uncle,” he says, as though the idea has never even occurred to him. Eddie smiles at him, and Buck smiles back, and there’s a mutual understanding there.

Buck’s not Chris’s uncle. He’s… Well, he’s something else — something Eddie’s not quite ready to name yet, but there’s a piece of paper in a lawyer’s office to attest to it.

Chris is not feeling good. His head is spinning, his stomach churning, and he feels both hot and cold at the same time.

“Your dad will be here soon, okay, honey?” Nurse Rodriguez tells him, after hanging up the phone. “You just sit tight and let me know if anything changes.”

He’s in the nurse’s office, staring bleary-eyed at the linoleum floor. The pattern swims around as his vision blurs, and he hugs the little basin Nurse Rodriguez had given him close, feeling more like he was gonna need it with every passing second.

“I’m here for Christopher Diaz?”

He hears a familiar voice outside the room, and it makes him relax, just knowing he’ll be home soon, able to curl up in bed or on the couch, watch TV and be taken care of.

“Mr. Diaz!” Nurse Rodriguez says, in her overly-friendly voice, and Chris laughs, lurching his stomach and making him feel so much worse.

“Uh, I’m not… I’m Buck—Evan Buckley, I mean, I should be…?”

Nurse Rodriguez backtracks, apologizing. “Oh! I am so sorry, Mr. Buckley, I see you on the emergency contact list. If you’d just sign here?”

Chris loses track of the conversation outside, focusing instead on his breathing until Nurse Rodriguez comes back in and escorts him out to Buck. Buck wraps an arm around him and helps him out to the car, then sets him up with blankets and a bucket on the couch, and serves up chicken noodle soup when Chris is able to stomach food.

He lets Chris curl into his side to take a nap, warm and comfortable, like he’s a little kid again, and he stays there even after Chris goes to bed, even after his dad gets home and comes in to check on him.

Buck knocks on Hen's door, and is immediately met with an armful of sleepy infant as she passes the baby over to him. He takes it in stride, adjusting her in his arms so she's comfortable and following Hen inside.

"Everything okay?" He asks, once they're in the kitchen, surrounded by dirty mixing bowls and flour dusting every surface.

"There's a bake sale at the school tomorrow, and someone forgot to mention it until about an hour ago." She raises her voice on the word someone, pointedly glaring out to where Denny is doing his homework in the next room.

"I said I was sorry!" Denny calls back, and Hen grumbles but Buck can see there's no real resentment there.

"That's rough," Buck commiserates. "I take it we're not going to see that movie tonight, then?"

Hen shakes her head. "Sorry, man. I gotta take care of this. I do not trust Karen with baking supplies." Hen makes a face. "Granted, I'm also not spectacular at it but…"

Buck laughs. "I can help out," he offers. "I've got a great recipe for cupcakes?"

Hen makes a face. "Are you sure? You wouldn't know it, Buck, but those PTA moms are so picky about what you bring and whether it's good enough for their precious little babies—"

Buck snorts, gently settling the baby in her rocker. She fusses a little, but calms down after a moment or two. He gets the recipe up on his phone. "Oh, trust me—I know."

Hen looks confused, so he elaborates with an amused smile. "What, you think Eddie Diaz does all that stuff? I'll never forget the look on Carter's mom's face when my cookies outsold hers at the last bake sale at Chris's school." Buck chuckles to himself, then starts gathering ingredients.

"Huh, I'm sorry. I guess I just assumed—I mean, he's got his aunt, and Carla…" Hen trails off with a shrug and falls into place next to Buck, reading the recipe and pointing him to the right cupboards to find what he needs.

"They do some, when we've got work or something, but…" Buck falters. He wants to say something like "That's different," or "They're not his parents," but... neither is Buck, is he? He remembers the elf from all those years ago, how he hadn't corrected her. The feeling of wanting that.

At the time, he’d thought the want was just for a family of his own, a partner, a kid. Now, though… those lines aren’t as clear anymore.

"I like to help out," is all he says, and then switches on the mixer, effectively shutting off conversation.

Eddie's had a few drinks. Buck's at work, and Chris has been coerced into going with Pepa to visit Eddie's parents for the weekend. Eddie had been supposed to go too, but he doesn't feel too guilty about playing up his injuries as an excuse not to join them. He did feel slightly bad that his parents hadn't let them off the hook entirely, insisting on taking Chris off his hands.

Chris had dragged his feet about it, but Eddie knows he's stubborn enough to stay behind if he really wants to — he likes getting to see his older cousins, and while he doesn’t want to live with them, he does like visiting his grandparents, too — if only because they spoil him rotten.

Buck hadn't wanted to leave Eddie alone tonight, not after he'd been injured on the bridge — no more than a dislocated shoulder and a few bruised ribs in the end, nothing compared to Chimney, to Bobby even Hen, but it was enough to get him signed off work for a fortnight. Things had been sketchy for a few minutes there, and for a moment, Eddie had feared… but then there was Buck, opening the doors, pulling him out by one arm.

It hurts like a bitch, but he's fine. Still, when Buck insisted on calling in Carla to keep him company tonight, Eddie didn't point out that was exactly what Buck had been so against Maddie doing for him after the lightning. He doesn't mind the company, especially since he hates being home alone at night.

Besides, Carla doesn't treat him like an invalid. She brings a bottle of some fruity gin, and Eddie orders from the nice Thai place, and they just hang out, catching up on all of the grown-up stuff they rarely get to talk about when they’re busy discussing Chris.

Still, they're halfway through the gin when Carla brings it up. "Buck said he was scared he lost you for a second there."

Eddie shrugs, then winces. He's not sure how much of the wince is because it tugged at his shoulder, and how much is the reminder. "Honestly, for a second, I was worried too. But Buck got me out." Like he always does, Eddie doesn't say. He'd come so close to telling Buck, then. Telling him everything, how he felt for him.

"You know, this house is weird without Chris in it," Carla slurs her words, just as tipsy as he is.. For a moment, Eddie thinks the subject has been changed, until she continues. "If anything does happen to you, there's no way in hell I'm letting your parents drag Chris to Texas for good. I'm gonna fight to keep that boy here, and I know Buck'll do the same."

Eddie laughs, realizing that he hadn't told her about his will. He hadn't told anyone, really, other than Pepa, Abuela and Buck. He'd known at the time it was a big deal, that people might get the wrong impression if he told them.

Turns out, it would have been the right impression after all.

"That won't be necessary," he tells her, after draining his glass.

"I know, I know — you're fine, you aren't going anywhere anytime soon."

"No, that's —well, yes, that too, but also—" Eddie gets up, gestures for her glass too, then pours them both a fresh drink. "My folks wouldn't get Chris, if anything happens. I have a will, so…" he shrugs, sitting back down and sliding Carla's glass over. "Buck's gonna look after him. If I can't anymore. Prob'ly still have to fight, but it's on paper, it's… official."

Carla hums, watching him carefully. "And Buck knows this?" she asks.

Eddie nods. "Told him after… after the shooting."

The last time Buck took Eddie’s hand, pulling him from danger, dragging him to safety.

Carla sighs, shaking her head. She looks at him like she's seeing something new, like this is the last piece in a puzzle she's been working on for years. "Why haven't either of you made a move yet?"

Eddie chokes on his drink, and she pushes a dishcloth across the table for him to mop himself up. Once he's composed himself, he meets her eye.

"Honestly?" He asks. "I can't speak for Buck, but… I'm sort of starting to wonder the same thing."

+1:

Chris is honestly tired of everyone making assumptions about Buck's place in his life. It's been clear to Chris himself for a long time—probably longer than Buck himself has known. The problem is, they've never said it out loud.

That's going to change today.

A month ago, Chris got home from Texas to find his dad and Buck making out in the kitchen.

He'd run to wash out his eyes, but then they say him down, and the three of them had talked it out together, and he's happy for them. Happy they’ve finally started being honest with themselves, with him, and with each other.

And now, it's Christopher's turn to do the same.

He's not as good as Buck at making pancakes, but he can do French toast pretty well, so he makes enough for the three of them and sets it on the table. It's a little overcooked, but he doesn't think they'll mind.

Then he knocks on their bedroom door—because Buck may still be paying rent on his apartment for now, but he basically lives with them already. Chris likes that, likes having Buck around even more than before.

He disappears back to the kitchen before they can get to the door, calling them down when he hears Buck ask after him in a sleepy voice.

"Oh my god," his dad says, taking in the sight of the food on the table when both of them shuffle in. "This is… you made this yourself?"

"It's Father's Day, dad. I wanted to treat you."

Chris accepts the tearful hug with only minimal complaints, part of the gift.

Once they're both seated, he goes back to his room, returning with the real present.

"Carla helped with these," he explains, suddenly nervous. "I designed them, and then she sent them off to be made with the money from my allowance, um…"

Chris hands over the one on top first, putting it in front of his dad. Buck chews on his French toast, eyeing the package curiously while Eddie opens it.

Inside is a plaque, printed to look like a dictionary entry. It's cheesy as hell, but if Chris knows his dad, he'll eat it up.

It reads:

Dad (n): a firefighter with a terrible sense of humor, someone who drinks too much coffee and spends too much time on his hair. See also: Father

Just as Chris predicted, Eddie's eyes grow wet, and he reaches out for another hug, which Chris indulges again.

"What's the other one?" Buck asks.

Chris takes a deep breath. This is it, he tells himself, and he hands the second package to Buck.

Buck looks at it, then up at Chris in confusion, waiting for him to nod before opening it with slow, careful movements — it's so unlike Buck, who always tears into the wrapping paper on his birthday presents, that Chris almost wants to laugh. He doesn't, though. This is serious, after all.

Buck stares down at the plaque, the same style as the first, with a different message.

This one reads:

Buck (n): A firefighter with a terrible sense of humor, the maker of the best pancakes, someone who knows way too many random facts. See also: Father.

"Chris…" Buck's voice is soft, and he looks to be at a loss for words, so Chris speaks instead. He practiced what he’s going to say here, to make his meaning absolutely clear.

"I know I only ever call you Buck," he says, "but that's just because calling both of you dad would be confusing, and pops is Bobby." Chris laughs, thinking of the time he'd spent on his own in his room, thinking of different words for dad he could call Buck, none of them fitting until he realized why. "But… Buck means the same thing as those other names to me, and it has ever since the pier. Since you saved me. You're my Buck. And I'm your son."

Chris is bright red by the end of his speech, he doesn't think he's said that much uninterrupted to his parents in a long time, and they're both just… staring at him.

Chris initiates the hug this time, throwing himself into Buck's arms. Later, he'll claim it was just so he didn't have to see the sappy looks on their faces, but he buries his face in Buck's shoulder, feels Buck's arms around his back, and he knows without a doubt that he's safe there.

His dad joins the hug too after a moment, sandwiching Chris in the middle in a way that should be uncomfortable, but Chris smiles to himself anyway.

The two plaques hang side by side on the wall of the living room, for everyone who visits to see, clearing up any and all confusion in the matter.

Buck is Christopher's dad, nothing more, and nothing less.

#my fic #au gust 2023 #au gust fills #buddie #buddie fic #buck/eddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #buckley diaz family

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stagefoureddiediaz · 1 year

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Costume Meta 6x15

At first I thought this was going to be an ok length meta this week, having already written two mini metas based on bts pictures and then we didn’t get the download for a million hours and then just to add to the fun - Tumblr decided that I wasn’t allowed to type into a post wehre i’d added photos and then loading photos into a post wasn’t an option so this is the 4th version of this post I’ve had to create but I got there in the end, so I’m sorry its so much later that i would’ve like it to be - I just hope my insane ramblings are worth the wait!

There weren’t actually that many costumes this week but the guest cast had very interesting costumes and there are a million things going on with Buck, Eddie and Christopher so this week’s meta is very heavily skewed towards them!

No Hen this week as she’s only seen in uniform - there was also very little Bobby - just the one costume!

Bobby

Bobby in navy blue actually doesn’t mean much this week - the choice of colour for his shirt is purely there to continue to parallel Bathena and Buddie from the last couple of episodes with the Burgundy and blue we’ve seen. Thank you as always for reading - it really does mean the world to me that you're interested in the costuming of our wee woo show and I love reading your thoughts in the tags and notes!!! I’ll shut up now and let you have your lives back.

Athena

Burgundy ribbed top - stylistically it is in keeping with the other tops we’ve seen her wearing this season. Burgundy isn’t a colour we see on her very often (the last time was in 5x10 at the christmas party and there are only two previous costumes before that), so there was definitely intention to keep the burgundy and blue theme running into this weeks episode. The ribbing is disjointed on this top over the left shoulder, it hints at the idea of Athena not being comfortable with Dominic dying in the back of her police car - its that feeling of something lurking over your shoulder.

The other interesting thing it’s the return of the anchor necklace. We haven’t seen Athena in this necklace since 5x07. This necklace was very heavily connected to family and the idea of family anchoring her and giving her stability while she was in uncertain waters. It was a play on the idea that even when things were turbulent (Michael coming out, the divorce, Jeffery Hudson etc) her family was and is her anchor. The interesting thing about its reappearance here is that we don’t see her with any family aside from Bobby - for a necklace that has been so heavily tied to her extended family their absence in its presence is telling. It could mean some foreshadowing of choppy waters ahead (perhaps to do with Bobby in the finale) alongside her disquiet over this incident.

The leather leather jacket is the same one as we saw her wearing in 6x12 and I spoke in the 6x12 meta how it was very similar to the one we see Athena wear when investigating Eddies shooting and how it, along with Tamara wearing an echo of Bucks outfit in that episode. We have a similar parallel happening in this episode with Christopher’s jumper at Shannon’s grave. To have it reappearing for this scene specifically is telling me to link the scenes - ergo link to the shooting.

For me that link surrounds the idea of mistaken or hidden identities because all three investigations include an element of this theme. The shooting - Ethan covers his tracks so that the police go for his ex partner and we see Athena hiding her identity by dressing as a firefighter to go to Bobbys rescue. In 6x12 Athena and May go undercover (with hidden identities) to try and find out what happened to Wendell, Wendell himself hides his identity to try and help Tamara and the Walshes tried to hide his identity when they set his body on fire. And now we have a case where Dominic tries to escape conviction through a body switch and hiding his identity. I haven’t quite pieced together what exactly this is saying about Bobby and Athena’s overall arc, but there is clearly something at play here.

Chimney

Chim is paralleling Bobby in the dark blue this episode. The Navy shirt help establish the red/blue theme for Madney in the same way Bobby’s polo does for Bathena. It is designed to do the same thing it does for Bobby - shift focus away from him and onto the one in the brighter colour. It is telling us that Maddie is the one we should be focusing on in the scene rather than Chimney and I’ll explain a bit more of that when we get to Maddies section.

The check shirt Chim wears to the IRS appointment clearly fits into check theory very nicely - not only in terms of the appointment itself, but it is part of a bigger piece of foreshadowing for Chimney more generally which appears to be connected to his family because we have seen him in a lot of check pattern this season and it feels like they’re building the tension with it - it is clearly leading to whatever happens to hi in the finale.

This shirt is the same one he wears when he finds Maddie giving Jee-Yun a bath after they all return home from Boston. and because of this it feels like there is something specific connected to this shirt around the idea of finding happiness in the place you’re in - not needing more in the moment than what you have - not pushing for more.

But there is also something connected to the idea of communication - that happiness is found when you communicate with your partner - the moment with Jee in the bath could only happen because Chimney and Maddie communicated which enabled her to return home and start rebuilding her family. The moment at the IRS was a clear indication of Madney not talking in advance, but ultimately coming out of the meeting in a better place - having communicated and reached a mutually happy decision. To me at least this speaks a lot about the marriage arc they are setting up for Madney - that we’re seeing them fail to communicate again, but they will eventually communicate and end up in the right place for them and will find happiness as a result.

Maddie

Maddie’s bright red top pulls our attention - it is far far brighter than Chimneys navy blue shirt and that is intentional - it is mean to make us think of a red flag and highlight to us that Maddie is where our focus should be for this episode. It is signposting us to the fact that in their relationship Maddie is the one who will ahve had dealing s with the IRS before when it comes to being in a relationship - Chimney won’t have had to do it as we’ve never seen him in this type of relationship. Maddie however would’ve had to file jointly when Married to Doug, so her having hangups about the fact the IRS have got in touch probably goes deeper than it just being the IRS getting in touch. It all connects into the theme of their arc for the episode.

It is also important to note the difference in shades of red and blue that Madney are wearing - especially in relation to Bathena. Bathena’s are much closer together in terms of brightness and contrast. Athenas is slightly brighter becasue she is the focus, but it is closer to Bobby than Maddie and Chimneys are. This is a deliberate choice - it highlights the fact that Bathena are essentially on the same page - they are at the same level and in sync. Madney however are not in sync, they are in different places and we see that play out as the episode airs and we see Chimney searching for a ring at the end of the episode - back in his navy blue tee - we should note however that while he is doing that, Maddie is in her uniform - the maroon of her shirt bringing her closer into line with Chimney, but her uniform still provides a barrier - a safety net for her - in much the same way I described her scene with Buck in 6x12 when she is loading up his fridge.

Ok the check blazer is all kinds of fascinating to me. the three different types of tweed check, the denim jacket placket making it look like a jacket over a denim jacket, the fact that Maddie is wearing a jacket - in complete opposition to Chimney who is in just a shirt.

There is something about Maddie wearing yet another jacket that is multi layered. This one looks like a blazer with a denim jacket underneath. This has been a recurring theme for her the season where we’ve seen her wearing blazers with false insert hoodies. We only really see her in these outside of her home environment, and there is something in that which suggests Maddie is feeling insecure in someway whilst outside the comfort of her home.

The false fronts suggest that Maddy is putting up some sort of front as a way of protection outside of the home, that she is hiding here self from the outside world in some way - projecting something false. The general idea of layering is also about protection too so it’s a multilayered (forgive the pun) theme I haven’t figured out exactly what this means yet, but I think the fact that the season is culminating in an engagement arc for Madney suggests to me that her insecurities lie, perhaps, in how she feels the world views her as an unmarried mother and her trauma surrounding that - the wider arc of her PPD is still in play here because her own trauma extends beyond the PPD itself. Maddie is still battling demons in relation to Daniel as well as the demons we know she struggles with in relation to her previous marriage and the trauma she suffered at the hands of Doug

There is something about the idea of her going out into the world fully suited up to defend the fact she isn’t married to Chim, to defend the choices she has made to protect herself and to allow her to continue to heal and her fears that society will judge her for those choices -something that the IRS has (in her mind) proven to be correct.

So you know how we’ve talked about the blue green theming being connected to break ups - Eddie and Ana, Buck and Taylor, well I don’t want to alarm anyone but we saw Madney in the same blue and green colour way!!

I actually don’t think this is going to be about a break up - I think its more connected to a couple of other times we’ve seen these especially dark yet bright shades of green and blue - the scene in 5x09 (with the pink washing up gloves) as well as the scene when Buck tells Taylor about kissing Lucy - and those two scenes connect to the keeping of secrets and the revealing of secrets, the trying to keep things hidden but them ultimately coming out anyway. It is one of the themes of the episode - keeping secrets, and misunderstanding things and struggling with the reality of moving on and forward. We also saw a similar theme at play when Maddie wore that shirt in the 6x13 - her ‘neighbour’ was hiding their identity. So fear not all the Madney shippers, we’re all good - they just need to communicate and sort through a few things - for Maddie it is very much her hang ups about getting married again - she needs to move on from this last piece of Doug’s hold over her and her life and those shirts are helping with that.

Dominic

Dominic was wearing a very similar jacket to Eddies jacket from 5x10 and 6x08. it is not the same jacket, but it is close enough to draw the parallel.

Ok this is a bit hard to explain, but go with me. At first I thought the wardrobe department were just reusing a costume, however some dots have connected and I think there is a larger metaphor at play here. We have to remember that Athena is wearing a jacket that closely resembles the one she wore to investigate the shooting and that the theme of mistaken identities is at play in both storylines as well.

In 5x10 Eddie is talking to Carla about Christophers obsession over having a perfect Christmas then Chris wakes up from a nightmare about his mother.

The second time we see the jacket, in 6x08, it is as Eddie watches Chris make his way into his school dance and talks about being different and fantasy becoming reality.

It’s therefore an interesting choice to have a very similar jacket on a guest character who is trying to hide, to hide his identity and hide the money he embezzled from an organisation with dream in its name all of this is telling me to connect his plot to Eddies.

So if we look at Dominics storyline things make further sense in relation to what happens in this episode for Eddie. We have to place Eddie as Dominic, Natalia as the second body (whose name we eventually find out is Seth Davis, but not much more) and Buck as the coroner.

We get told a couple of useful things by the coroner (side note what is it with coroners in US tv programes contaminating their morgues by eating their lunch in them?!!!!)

‘looking at a body doesn’t tell us much. Our answers are usually found under the skin.’

It is a pointed line and is the one that helps us to place Buck in the role of coroner - when he is at Maries grave with Eddie he talks about playing a role for everyone else, but he also talks about Natalia seeing him better than he sees himself. Buck hasn’t actually looked deeply at himself (because Buck is scared to - he is so very traumatised) but the coroners job is to look more deeply at others - to look below the surface of the skin and see what has happened, what is going on.

Obviously in this case there are answers that can be found on the surface here - that it is the wrong person - the wrong body. The right body was there initially then it got swapped when no one was looking. So the body is labelled as the Dominic and the coroner has no reason to question the information they have (ergo Buck has no reason to question things about Natalia)it is only by twist of fate that the swap is discovered - you don’t have to look beyond the surface for the answers. Second time around it is definitely the right body because it is Dominic (who interestingly enough dies of a heart attack after taking too much of a medication designed to lower blood pressure - heart metaphor anyone?!) and the answers will only be found below the surface. Autopsies will be carried out on both bodies and in both cases it is likely that answers will be found - the cause of the Heart attack for Dominic and whatever it was that killed Seth Davis. This suggests to me that we will see Buck (the coroner) find his answers that he’ll see into Eddies heart in some way at some point and also see whatever it is he needs to see below the surface in Natalia as well, but it won’t give him the answers he seeks (if they gave us the outcomes of the two autopsies - which we won’t get but thats fine - I would put money on cause of death being completely unconnected with the heart)

Kelly - the speaker at Marie’s living funeral

I wouldn’t normally include a character like Kelly in my costume meta but there is something interesting happening with chains being increasingly connected to Buck through his girlfirends in some way so Kelly gets a look in. This is going to sound a bit off the wall but I promise it makes sense!!!

To start with I need to point out that there were several references to Charles Dickens in this episode. Kelly was giving a speech about advice she had received from her Aunt and as soon as I saw the blouse she was wearing my brain connected dots to A Christmas Carol. This ties in so perfectly with the Victorian concept of a good death - which ties into Natalia as well. The chains connect to the ghost of Jacob Marley, who comes to warn Scrooge of what awaits him if he continues his current path.

So as I mentioned - Scrooge, a miser who is set in his ways is visited by the ghost of his partner - Jacob Marley. Marley appears in chains - the chains of his fate - basically he created these through his own poor choices and stinginess.

Marley tells Scrooge he can avoid the same fate if he changes his ways while he’s still on earth and that 3 ghosts will visit him. This concept - the idea of being visited in some way by someone dead who was connected to you in real life and them giving you advice connects into Buck through Bobby in Bucks coma dream - we have a Bobby chained to the things he was addicted to in life; the pills and alcohol - but a Bobby who gives Buck a vital piece of advice (which is also heavily connected into his current arc)

‘If what matters to you most is how other people see you, then you haven’t learned a damn thing.’

This sets Bobby up as the Marley character. Scrooge is then visited by the three ghosts in turn who show him his past, things that are happening in the present and the what could be the future if he continues is path. If Buck is Scrooge then his arc is going to involve him ‘being visited by’ three ‘ghost’s to show him the way.

We have some bts (thanks @911bts for all your hard work) that suggests we may be seeing Taylor Kelly make a reappearance (side note choosing to call Maries niece Kelly will be a very nice touch if this plays out!) and she would be the ghost of Christmas past for Buck - showing him in some way aspects of his past that have led him to where he is now.

I haven’t figured out who the ghost of Christmas present is although I wonder if it could perhaps be Lucy?! This would make Natalia the ghost of Christmas yet to come. In the novel the ghost of Christmas yet to come is the ghost that most closely resembles the traditional image of death (but isn’t death) this is the ghost that convinces Scrooge to change his ways and to learn.

Obviously Scrooge does change his ways and we see him become someone who treats everyone with kindness, generosity and compassion, the embodiment of the spirit of Christmas.

But the concept of chains binding you to your past - to who you were and the mistakes you made etc is an interesting one in relation to Buck - the idea that death doesn’t free you from them and that second chances should be taken - but only if you learn the errors of your past mistakes - it all feels like it applies too well to where Buck is at and when we add the additional layer of Eddie and Christopher who fit into the roles of Bob Cratchit (who Scrooge helps and supports after his visitations) and Tiny Tim (a child who is disabled and whom Bob is devoted to). Dickens describes Scrooge as becoming like a second father to Tiny Tim at the end of the novel and we have been watching Buck become a second father to Christopher.

I leave you to decide whether or not I’ve completely lost my marbles!!!

Natalia

The handkerchief does in fact have blue roses on it. I wrote in the mini meta before the episode aired; roses in general terms mean love - red for romantic, yellow for friendship etc. Blue roses mean unattainable love (because they do not occur naturally - only through artificial means) - so that would suggest that both love is unattainable for both Natalia and Buck but also that any feelings etc are not real - they can only be achieved through synthetic or artificial means - suggesting that any attempt at a relationship is going to be forced. Blue roses can also mean (especially the lighter shades of blue) emotions - specifically the finding of hope peace and tranquility. So with all of this in mind we end up with the concept of Buck finding what he’s looking for and that Natalia will help him get there, but that it isn't love, its the peace, tranquility and happiness that he's been seeking for himself.

The black velvet blazer and black matt dress has a Victorian mourning dress vibe. This is playing into her role as a death doula - the Victorians were obsessed with the idea of a ‘good death.’ This idea stemmed from evangelical beliefs around being with family and making peace with God. In the Victorian period death was a very common occurrence and so having a ‘good’ relationship with it and being in close proximity to the dying was actively encouraged. A good death was considered to be a slow death which gave people time to say goodbye and for the dying person to see all of their family and friends through that process.

Once the person had died mourning was commenced and this too had strict rules. clothing was to be matt plain and black - bombazine, velvet and cottons were the most commonly worn fabrics (depending on wealth and status). Matt fabrics were preferred because they didn’t reflect the light - it represented the depth of the soul and the depth of grief.

Dressing Natalia in an outfit which mimics Victorian mourning is playing into that concept - it is a physical representation of her job and more than likely her personality as well - she will very literally be all about death all the time in some way.

I stand by what I said in the mini meta I wrote when we got the sneak peeks, but I want to talk about the necklace choice again in light of the fact that it was, once again, buck being pursued (whilst at work) rather than doing the pursuing. the choice to use this necklace to connect Natalia to Taylor, to Veronica and to Ana is a very clear choice. I’m going to write a meta that focus’s on the necklaces we see the various girlfriends wearing, because there are some interesting things going on with them. But the fact remains that the necklace also contributes to telling us that Natalia is headed the same way as all of the others - that she won’t be his endgame romance. She is a representation of death and this necklace is playing into the idea of death having a claim over Buck - of Buck feeling like death has a claim over him and like I said above this plays into the Christmas Carol undertones we’re getting. It all connects to the fact that with these women, Buck keeps on repeating the same mistakes, he needs to break these chains or he will end up like Jacob Marley in the novel.

There is also something in connecting the chains to the water theme we see playing out in Bucks arc - about water finding its level and the chains representing the anchors that give a boat respite to hold it in place when not in port. If Buck is a boat and his water hasn’t yet found its level, the implication is that his waters are at the very least choppy and at worst - tsunami waves and that he needs to pause for a minute on his journey. Buck seems to make most of his progress when fairly newly out of a relationship with a woman - they seem to stall him - hold him in place but his growth is minimal. We saw in the tsunami, the boat anchored off shore where a couple were trying to get married but in the end only succeeding in their nuptial plans when they were on dry land. All of these chains connecting to Bucks girlfriends suggest they are helping to anchor his boat out at sea, while he is on his journey and needs a moment, but that when his water finds its level he won’t need chains or anchors - he will be in the safety of port.

The red dress is a great colour on her. it is a rusty red/orange and now I’ve been able to get a better look at this dress and I’ve seen the actual scene play out I have a few new thoughts. what I thought might be crosses is actually a looser design which looks remarkably like the graphics 911 uses for the incoming emergency calls to dispatch;

This is Bucks emergency - meeting with Natalia is a cry for help, but when you are the emergency service, you cannot call yourself for help! There is also something in the fact that the other parts of the design on this dress look like keyholes. This is an interesting concept because Buck is looking for a key not a keyhole because he is looking for answers - a way to unlock what is inside him and move on (and through). Natalia is also a keyhole - she is seeking the answers to death - to what comes after and she is interested in Buck for that reason alone - i’m not saying she cannot develop an interest in Buck beyond that but as it stands the show hasn’t shown us her being interested in anything more than the fact that Buck died - she is the one to bring the conversation around to his death, not him.

Flowers

We are pausing here to go off on a little side quest into flower land!!! because the little arrangement on the table at the cafe/restaurant made me giggle!!

we have 2 pink carnations what I think is a deep purple chrysanthemum (although it could be a gerbera) sprays of babys breath purple statice

All of these flowers are very commonly associated with funerals and death. Pink carnations symbolise gratitude while the dark pink one is also variegated with yellow - which means disappointment or disappointed hopes. the purple chrysanthemum means sickness and is often given to those who are struggling with illness and need encouragement in their recovery and in most of Europe they are so deeply associated with death and funerals that it is considered offensive to give them to people outside of offering condolences. the babys breath means new beginnings while the purple statice means sympathy and remembrance (as an aside it also has a medicinal use - in the treatment of respiratory illnesses!!)

So all the signs both subtle and textual are telling us that Natalia isn’t going to be around for especially long as there is too much death surrounding her - even when in a setting that should be innocuous!

Buck

The yellow ochre (at the brown end of the spectrum is very definitely a call back to not only his appointment with Dr Copeland - where he talks about hiding his true feelings from others - but it also connects with a broader theme for Buck that I’ve really only figured out because of this scene and his continued insistence on misunderstanding the assignment!!!

I know I’ve spoken at length about yellow being a colour of communication and clear thinking and its brighter shades can be symbols of joy, however I don’t think I’ve spoken enough about some of the more negative traits that can be associated with yellow - which I’ve never really felt fit the narrative before now, however seeing this episode has changed my opinion somewhat, and I am fairly certain that the show has been leaning into the negative traits for yellow ochre far more heavily than it first appeared.

So yellow is considered the colour of communication, in part, because it is the first colour the cones of the eye can detect and so over time it has become associated with the need to convey information (such as hazzards etc), but it is also associated with communication because it was used heavily in Christian artworks on Judas - to highlight him and his betrayal - in part because it contrasts well with the blues and reds Jesus is often depicted in. If you look up Hans Holbeins ‘The last Supper’ for example you will see Judas as the only one depicted in yellow ochre. As a result yellow ochre can be associated with cowardice and fear. the brown undertones of yellow ochre can also hint at loneliness and isolation as well as stability and foundations for growth. I’ve gone back through my notes and I’ll highlight some of the key scenes where I think the dual meaning of yellow ochre is at play.

4x02 - the counselling scene with Dr Copeland 4x03 - Maddie talks to Buck after he confesses going to therapy 4x04&5 - Buck finds out about Daniel 4x14 - talking to Taylor while packing to go stay at the Diaz house - At the hospital - the will reveal 5x03 - Buck gets home after the blackout - Taylor is on the TV 5x04 - Buck talks to Chim about Maddie being ok - ‘Its what she does” 5x14 - Equestrian therapy centre 6x11 - His trousers in the coma dream

These are most of the occasions where he has worn yellow ochre, there are a few others, but I’ve highlighted these one specifically because they tie into a key theme. Interestingly there are only two instances before the phone call with Dr Copeland in season 4. All of the ones I’ve highlighted are connected to Bucks mental state in some way and more specifically they are broadly connected with death (and Daniel).

These are all times when Bucks mental health is in a vulnerable place - the therapy of it all is showing us Buck is not in a good place - we never really get told if covid lockdown played a part in his decision to go to therapy, or indeed how much the return of Abby played into it, but whatever his reasons, there was clearly some form of trigger, I surmise the fact that Abby returned to his life at a moment when death was surrounding them (including her fiancee being in the firing line) and I think it may have played its part.

Finding out about Daniel is an obvious one - finding out why he’s felt like he wasn’t enough his whole life etc and how he has been walking in the shadow of death his entire life. interestingly we don’t see anymore yellow ochre in the rest of season 4 until Eddie gets shot - Death is back in Bucks life. The will reveal scene is a bit of a double ended sword on the yellow ochre front, not only does it connect to Eddies brush with death, it also links to Bucks own vulnerable mental state as well as being a moment that calls out Bucks passive suicidal tendencies by forcing him to live for someone besides himself.

The one from 4x13 in his loft and the one from 5x03 both connect to his vulnerability - Taylor takes advantage of it in 4x13 and kisses him while in 5x03 she is absent and Buck is in a position where - after Eddie telling him he is going to take the advice Buck has given him - he is questioning his own relationship and if he is also doing the same thing to Taylor that Eddie has been doing to Ana. I genuinely think that if Maddie and Chimney hadn’t left LA in the next episode, Buck would’ve broken up with Taylor fairly quickly. As it is his support network shrinks very quickly and he clings to the one thing/person who isn’t expecting more from him and who is sticking around - even if he isn’t truly happy.

Seeing the ochre at the equestrian therapy centre is also a moment of vulnerability for Buck - he is obviously worried about Eddie and his mental health, but it is also the first time they bring up the shooting and say something more than stating the fact that Eddie got shot. the black being dominant on that jacket is a reflection of him trying to cover up that vulnerability so he can be there for his best friend, but it is also us seeing a chink in Bucks armour around Eddie (remember the only time we’ve seen him in that colour with Eddie is in that locker room scene from 5x03).

I’m not going to go into the trousers from the coma dream in great detail, except to say that we are inside Bucks head for the whole time he is wearing those trousers so we are literally walking through all of buck fears and trauma and that may be why the yellow is on his legs rather than his top.

The graveyard scene was both interesting and loud on the costume front. You do not want to know how long I’ve spent trying to work out if this was the same jacket dyed or if it was a new jacket and I can confirm it is a new Jacket. Both Jackets are by Theory - the ochre one from last season the new one from this!!

This jacket continues the green theming we’ve seen in action for Buck this season, it is however a much darker green that we’ve seen yet and also ties in to Eddies army greens very nicely as well. The darkening of the green is actually really interesting because we’ve kind of gone from the very pale greens in 6a to the coma dream bright sagey green to this much darker olive green - its like we’ve skipped a few steps - a few shades of green.

The army olive green of it is also aloud choice and very much intentional - it not only connects to Eddie very directly because of it being a shade we see most often on him, but it is also a nod towards the military side of things - the idea that Buck is at war (with himself) and that he’s feeling under attack - not from anyone else, but from and with himself - the no longer knowing who he is or what he wants.

This green is not one we see on Buck very often at all in fact there are only 2 instances - the low key date with Abby in season 1 and on the couch with Chris when the firefam are at Eddies house - the I’m not really a guest scene. I tend to discount season 1′s costumes unless they are the exact same costume, because they used several designers that season and the costuming of Buck in particular was very different from season 2 onwards, so it tends to not have as much relevance. The 3x11 scene however - very telling in relation to what we’ve seen play out this season

Eddie

So much going on in Eddies costumes this week and repeat outfits everywhere you look. At Shannons grave we see Eddie in the same Jumper as therapy scene/ coming home to Buck. While there is very much the connection to Buck misunderstanding the assignment and the heart metaphors at play, there is another aspect to this outfit being worn again and that is his therapy session with Frank. the use of the same jumper as we see him wear in therapy is pointing out that Eddie is able to sit here at his dead wife's grave with their son and create a good experience because he has been in therapy.

I pointed it out in my mini meta, but its worth reiterating (this is literally the only vaguely decent shot of it I can get!) and notice how Eddie is very much not wearing his watch - there is no watch to be seen work or home or fancy watch!!! The lack of watch her is connected to Shannon - they have no more time - she is no longer a physical presence in their lives, in Eddies life, she is still present yes, but she no longer has any influence over Eddies time, his lack of time or indeed over Christophers time. Eddie has time, because the clock has stopped. This tells us Eddie has moved on and is at peace with Shannon now and that he has got past his anger etc, that he is in a good place with that aspect of his trauma and can look at things with a happier eye.

Talking on phone to his mom when we find out about the earth day field trip. we get Eddie wearing the same jacket he wore to Hens leaving the 118 party. Again Eddies watch is prominent here - in fact Eddies watch is prominent in every scene he has except for the two scenes at the graves of Shannon and Marie.

Having him in the same jacket as this one;

while putting him in a black shirt that connects him to Shannons death is a choice!!

I have spent a lot of time while writing this meta trying to figure out why this shirt looks so familiar to me - I haven’t succeeded - it isn’t one we’ve seen Eddie wear before, but it is an interesting choice for him. its this greenish grey colour and has echoes of some of the clothes we saw him in during 5b, but it also has echoes of Buck in 5b - wearing a lot of grey with black. This is relevant because we saw Buck supporting Eddie during his recovery and this scene at Maries grave would appear to be the opening overtures of Eddie providing the same for Buck - now that he has seen more deeply into what is going on with Buck. in the same way that the Kitchen scene in 6x12 echoed the kitchen scene in 5x11 when Buck saw that Eddie wasn’t actually happy or in a good place, this scene in the graveyard has echoes of Buck being there in the immediate aftermath of Eddies breakdown.

Its not the exact same jacket, but I think its close enough that we can draw a comparison between the scenes because the black leather jacket Eddie wears here when Buck talks about Natalia seeing him is incredibly similar to the one Eddie wears to Bobbys in 5x18 - when he tells Bobby that he saved bot hEddie and Chris. That bobby saw him and provided Eddie what he needed, even if Eddie wasn’t necessarily welcoming it with open arms at the time - implying that Eddie will potentially do the same for Buck now - Buck may not be completely open to Bucks help in this moment - distracted as he is thinking Natalia has the answers, but that Eddie will provide support etc anyway.

The jacket is in fact the very same one Eddie wears when we see him at Bucks bedside for the one and only time - it is his widows weeds suede jacket. the moment we see how broken Eddie is over Bucks death and resurrection. The same jacket being worn a couple of episodes later when we have them at a grave side talking about dying alone and being seen by people is a really interesting parallel to draw. there is something in the fact that we see it here in this scene - when Buck is talking about being seen and when coma Buck didn’t see Eddie - in his coma dream or at his bedside in the land of the living. Buck felt/saw everyone else’s presence during his coma - he knew about Bobbys rosary beads and we hear Athenas voice from the real world echo in the coma as well as Christophers voice guiding Buck to the hospital.

But Eddie was missing from it all - in Bucks eyes and mind. We the audience of course know that Eddie was present and that he was broken over it, we know that his lack of presence was far louder than if he had been more present in the episode. Bucks subconscious however doesn’t know that. He knows that Eddie cares for him, that he is his best friend etc but Buck exploring why Eddie wasn’t there in the dream beyond a conversation with Hen and Chim about what happened to him without Bucks presence is not something he is ready to look at yet. so we have a deeply traumatised Buck searching for answers without the tools to do so and therefore looking in the wrong places while we have an Eddie realising that Buck is different, but that he himself is also different and needing to mourn the fact that things have changed.

This isn’t about him having his heart broken in a romantic sense, this is him having an epiphany about time and making the most of it. It is about him needing to mourn the fact that he has been changed by Bucks death and reconcile with himself so that he can move forward, so that he can be there fore Buck as Buck was for him.

I will be forever obsessed with the choice to have Eddie wear the exact same henley in this episode as in 6x07 and 6x13. A scene showing Eddie missing his family and choosing to make time and go home to Texas to see them in the aftermath of seeing Buck make another self destructive choice which will probably end in failure. Connected to a scene where Eddie is talking about his Abuela being taken advantage of to the point of losing almost everything and to a scene where we can not only see the Buckley-Diaz family in full swing, but also see Christopher trying to take advantage of Bucks math skills and failing and the foreshadowing for the poker hustle which also isn’t as successful as Eddie had planned, and which he mentions in the previous scene at Maries grave - choices were made!

Chris

At Shannon’s grave we get a rare sighting of Chris in a jacket!! The denim jacket is both a connection with Texas and with Eddie, but it is also a connection with Shannon and Shannon‘s death. Thanks @theladyyavilee for pointing this out to me, but Chris is wearing a denim shirt of a similar colour when Eddie told Christopher that Shannon had died.

Denim jackets are culturally tied to westerns, cowboys and to Texas. Christopher wearing one here would appear to be a visual way of tying him to the childhood he had with his mother - backing up the conversation about making s'mores with her when he was younger. The fact that Chris is wearing a denim jacket connected to Shannon and her death over the top of a jumper which is connected to Buck and the moment Buck saved his father is an interesting connection and piece of layering to me.

The hoodie is white and grey striped - the horizontal version of Buck shirt from the shooting. this is suggesting two things to me - one it is connecting Chris directly to the fact he nearly lost both parents - sitting at the grave of one parent while wearing something that echoes an outfit from the moment he could've lost a second parent. I also think there is something in the connection to Buck specifically in this - its directly connected to the will and that Chris has a third parent - I can't wait to see if I'm just clowning hard, or if the change the stripes Chris is wearing are foreshadowing some connection to the will!

We can't not talk about the fact the striped hoodie actually plays on several fronts not just the Buck connection! Stripes according to my theory are all about change incoming - the theory hasn't yet been disproven by the wardrobe department and I get the feeling that here is no different. The idea that a change is coming in Christophers life is one that has been hovering around for the whole season and the narrowing of the stripes would suggest that change is getting closer. The stripes have been telling us, but so it would appear are the little surfing skeletons on his tee at the end of the previous episode along with a proliferation of water and surf theming surrounding Christopher. I’m at the point now where I think Bucks water might find its level when Chris is in danger - it will be the wake up he needs to sort himself out and get his head out of his ass!!

Then we are onto the shoes. I know its almost impossible to see from the scene, but I am nothing if not determined so after a lot of zooming and messing around with the image levels and a bit of googling, I am pretty sure that these are the shoes Christopher is wearing;

If they aren’t foreshadowing Chris in danger in connection with water after all of the other water and surfing related clothing we’ve seen him in recently I don’t know what to tell you.

Space theme surrounding Chris retuning to me from the wilderness in the form of a backpack - you have no idea how happy this made me. We haven’t seen Chris wearing anything space themed since 4x08 - in the scene with Buck when he ran away from home after Eddie told him about Ana. We have seen a backpack - a Star wars backpack in season 5 however we never actually see him holding it, it is always Eddie - and the space theme remains in his bedroom (the little we’ve seen of it). To me the star wars backpack was connected to Eddies mental health because he was at war with himself which is why we never see Chris in contact with that bag. The space theming is so closely entwined with Buck and Eddie, no one else and because there is so much blue in Bucks costume choices this season, to have Chris holding a space themed backpack that is blue is an interesting choice. The back pack is one that shows galaxies and very much represents the universe, but we have also seen Buck to be very entwined in Christophers school life this season - helping with homework, baking cookies etc. so it really isn’t that much of a leap to connect the backpack to Buck - giving him a presence in a scene that is connected to Christopher heading out for some school activity it is continuing the universe theme and continuing to Connect Buck to the Diaz boys - in a subtle way which gives him presence in their lives even in his absence. In an episode that is so strongly connected to Shannon, her continued presence in their lives even in her eternal absence, its a clear choice.

The jumper with its three bands of colour is also intriguing me. there is something in the idea that it connects into the 3 theme we’ve had all season, but there is also something in the idea that the three bands represent the three people who are having the most influence on who Christopher is growing up to be - Shannon - white as she is not of this world any longer and was the first parent Chris spent time with - Buck - Blue - in part becasue of the blue theming around him tis season, but also because it is next to the white - and therefore suggests the idea of the batton being handed over - Eddie - the yellow ochre which is much closer to the brown we see Eddie in so much - Eddie is the earth from which Chris grows, it its the brightest colour on the jumper and suggests the brightest and biggest presence in his life.

The jumper in these colours also suggests the three elements of earth water and air, themes we’ve seen in play throughout this season - the blimp being the air (and an episode coming up called love is in the air), Buck being in the air when he gets hit by the lightning, the water theme has been there all season long in various forms, not least the pictures on the Diaz house walls and all the water connected themes on Christophers clothes, and there have been several episodes that have shown us Buck and Eddie digging - the slingshot tree call and the father hit by lightning in the sand are the two main ones.

Chris sleeping away on the sofa in his stripey top while covered in a check pattern blanket just continues the theme of Chris and change incoming, as well as the threat of danger. For me the fact that we seem to see so much of Christopher in stripes in connection with Buck in some way - implies that the change that is coming is in relation to Buck and the fact that these stripes are being worn on the sofa where we have Chris mimicking Bucks sleeping position on the couch wearing a shade of sea-foam green (which means revitalisation and enlightenment) that also seems to be connecting to Buck - after we saw him in a striped top that echoed Bucks white striped shirt - its all making my eyes stand out on stalks.

Honestly if you have made it to the end of this epic then I don’t know what to say other than I love you form the bottom of my heart. Its a bit of a beast. Will this show and its wardrobe department ever give me a minute to breathe?? Probably not and thats why we love it!! I’m off to sleep for a million years and send some prayers to the tumblr gods that next weeks meta is n’t such a challenge to upload!

As always, tag list below! Until the next episode! 💜💜💜

@mistmarauder @theladyyavilee @leothil @girldadbuddie @kitkatpancakestack @buckscurls @lemotmo @trashendence @elishareads @clipboardsandstethoscopes @comfortbuddie @fiona-fififi @callanee @calyssmarviss @pbandjeremiah @batgrldes @spotsandsocks @livingwherethesidewalkends @idontshitpostbuttheolympicpark @diazboysbuckley @sweettsubaki @shortsighted-owl @sherlocking-out-loud @wh0re-behavi0r @favouritealias @hearteyesdiaz @ktinastrikesback @princesschez75 @bucksbuddie @oneawkwardcookie @leatherati @moniquekatie @wanderingwomanwondering @trickster-archangel @asharadaine @ajunerose @talespinner230 @pop-kam @swiftiebuckleys @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @butchjerry @mandzuking17 @yelenasbuddie @copyninjabuckley @name-code-black-widow @rogerzsteven @bi-moonlight @usercowboy @inthecarwithaboy @inandoutoffocus-blog @toboldlynerd

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fortheloveofbuddie · 5 months

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Inspiration Saturday 🌹

Tagged by @wildlife4life @watchyourbuck @thewolvesof1998 @daffi-990 @giddyupbuck @jamespearce9-1-1 💋

Construction Worker/Firefighter AU

I made a post about this idea a few days ago but here it is, a little more thought through lol

Eddie is recently divorced and has moved to the suburbs to give Christopher a better life as he shares custody of him with Shannon. He hasn’t been out for very long and Buck comes along, working across the street in the scorching California heat, hardly ever wearing a shirt. The passion seems to grow between them without even having talked before and when they finally do, Eddie can’t find his words and doesn’t know how to act. But once he gets more comfortable, they’re touching each other all the time and Eddie is the one who’s using sex as a means to distract himself from his feelings. All they do is have sex or mess around like horny teenagers and seemingly out of nowhere, Buck wants more which makes Eddie retract into himself. He’s worried what people will think of him if he moves on too fast after getting divorced and Buck takes one day at a time, partying a lot and is hardly ever alone. He wants to commit but doesn’t know how and there’s a lot things going on Eddie’s life that keeps him from wanting someone like Buck - reckless, irresponsible and incredibly forward in everything that he does. Yet Buck is willing to change, to try to be better and has to find a way to accept the reality - Eddie’s job is high pressured, he has a child, he’s recently divorced and maybe fully hasn’t accepted himself.

& a little snippet

Eddie watches the man on the opposite side of the street, lip tucked in between his teeth as his muscles tenses up and his biceps bulge, everything about him looking so damn delicious. He can’t help himself.

There’s sweat running down his naked back, tattoos on several body parts and a body that goes to show how psychically demanding his profession is. It’s a little too tempting. Eddie can’t even remember the last time that he looked at someone this way, craving every inch of the construction workers skin against his. And then he realizes that he’s looking right back at him, piercing blue eyes wandering up and down his body, a slight smirk forming on his face. Eddie just about melts into a puddle when the construction worker winks at him and picks up a large piece of hardwood, slinging it over his shoulder.

Sling me over your shoulder instead.

It’s like the construction worker can read his mind because his smirk seems to widen, knowing exactly what he’s doing to attract this sort of attention to himself. And Eddie can’t fucking stop staring like some gawking idiot, seeing a masterpiece of a man walking around without a shirt on.

Maybe he doesn’t own one. It sure seems like he doesn’t because Eddie has never seen him wearing one. Not even when he arrives at the construction site in the morning. Okay, so maybe he’s been looking at him a few too many times at this point.

Tagging!! @jeeyuns @jesuisici33 @honestlydarkprincess @disasterbuckdiaz @malewifediaz @eddiebabygirldiaz @vampbuckley @butraura @wikiangela @whosoldherout @lover-of-mine @hippolotamus @theotherbuckley @barbiediaz @fionaswhvre @callmenewbie 🦋💗

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 on abc #oliver stark #ryan guzman #edmundo diaz #evan buck buckley #buddie wip #inspiration saturday #working title is ‘fires of change’#this is going to be a good mix of smut and angst #hopefully so much smut honestly

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finduilasclln · 1 month

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and what if you might tell me you’ll have to go (and you really really mean it)

(OMG HI. I wrote a missing scene from 7.01! I'm so excited because I haven't written in ages. So yay. Here goes.)

Here on AO3

Buck closes the door behind him with a soft click, leaving Christopher sitting on his bed with his books. He’s not surprised or offended to find Eddie standing there, leaning against the wall.

Eddie doesn’t meet Buck’s eyes, his gaze cast downward, looking defeated. Like he might shatter any second now. Buck can’t really say he can blame him, feeling much of the same.

Buck opens his mouth but no words come out. He feels like he already failed one Diaz tonight, he’s not sure he’s ready to fail another one. Although it might be too late for that as well. When Eddie finally pushes himself away from the wall, he tilts his head slightly in the direction of the living room, out of Christopher’s earshot. He doesn’t look behind him to see if Buck will follow. He must know Buck always does.

“Eddie, I’m sorry,” the words fall out of Buck’s mouth as they step into the living room and they’re enough to snap Eddie’s eyes up to meet his.

“What are you - ?” Eddie shakes his head, his face in a frown. “No. Buck.”

“I’m not sure I handled that the way I was supposed to,” Buck says with a slight shrug. Like hearing Christopher talk like that didn’t leave him completely heartbroken. He thinks maybe he should feel like he stepped into something that wasn’t his to step into, but somehow he can never really feel like that with the Diaz family. His family, his brain supplies not so helpfully. He was asked to step in, after all.

“You did everything right,” Eddie says easily, then rubs his hand over his eyes and sighs. “I - ” He shakes his head, eyes glistening in the soft light of the living room lamp. “This is his idea of women, Buck,” Eddie says eventually, pain marking his face, “You love them and they leave.”

“Eddie…” Buck whispers, not entirely sure what he wants to say. What is there to say anyway? It’s not like either of them can make Shannon come back. Can make it so she didn’t leave in the first place.

“No, really, what example am I showing this kid?” Eddie says anguished, already in a full blown circle of self-blame. “Definitely don’t get attached, they’ll leave you anyway. So don’t even bother trying. Better you hurt them than let them hurt you. This is what he’s getting from me?”

“That’s not true,” Buck tries, seeing the spiral Eddie is falling in and desperately trying to pull him out.

“No?” Eddie asks, challenging, “His Mom. Ana. They leave me, Buck. And he thinks it’s him they’re leaving.” And isn’t that just breaking Buck’s heart even more into a million little pieces?

“There’s Marisol,” Buck says, the words falling out of his mouth without permission. They taste a little sour on his tongue, like he knows they’re not quite right. Or maybe that’s just his own wishful thinking sneaking in?

“Right,” Eddie all but scoffs.

“What?” Buck asks, somehow incapable of keeping his mouth shut even though it pinches together something in his chest, “Things are going great with her, no?”

“Right…” Eddie says again, quiet and unconvincing. Like that’s not entirely what he wants to say either. “We’re not - I mean.” He takes a breath before he continues, “Christopher’s met her, but, they’re not - ”

It shouldn’t be such a relief to Buck, and yet…

“You’ll get there,” Buck says, forcing himself because it’s what Eddie needs right now. “And you’re here, Eds. He has you. You stayed. You’re showing him that.”

“And you,” Eddie whispers, his gaze locking with Buck’s. There’s something heavy in the air around them, something thick and all consuming in the way Eddie’s looking at Buck.

“Yeah,” Buck breathes out, not trusting his voice to say anything more.

“You’re here to stay, aren’t you?” Eddie asks, his voice so vulnerable and fragile that Buck has to stop himself from taking a few steps forward and wrapping his arms around Eddie, holding on tightly. ‘They leave me, Buck.’ Buck knows this isn’t just about Christopher anymore.

“Of course,” Buck assures him instead of moving towards Eddie, because at least this is something can be brutally honest about. “For as long as you’ll have me.”

“What if I - ?” Eddie starts, halting abruptly. He looks down at the floor, the hint of a blush on his cheeks hidden away from Buck in the shadow of the tilt of his head.

“What?” Buck asks, both terrified and desperate to let Eddie finish that sentence.

“Why didn’t you tell me you broke up with Natalia?” Eddie asks instead. It feels like a U-turn and yet it’s not.

“I didn’t think, I - ” Buck sighs, shaking his head. Why didn’t he? He knew he didn’t want to make it into a bigger deal than it was. He knew he’d tell Eddie eventually, in passing. Maybe he knew he didn’t want Eddie to ask too many questions, because Buck didn’t want to give too many answers. Not when Eddie was trying to make it work with Marisol. Not when Eddie… Eddie. The root of it all.

“Why did you break up with her?” Eddie asks, despite Buck having given an explanation to him already, in the locker room.

Buck shakes his head again, and he knows that even though it seems like they’re not having the same conversation they understand each other anyway. Like they always do. “You weren’t ready.” Buck says instead, an answer to his first question.

If Eddie asks him to explain, Buck isn’t sure how he’s going to be able to without telling him everything, without giving it all away, giving it all to Eddie. But Eddie seems to understand well enough. Even if the lines aren’t entirely clear, the picture is forming in Eddie’s head, and has been for a long time now, Buck knows that.

“Am I ready now?” Eddie asks, sounding hopeful somehow, even though Buck knows Eddie needs to get there on his own. It’s his own journey to make.

“No,” Buck says, a hint of sadness spreading through him. He manages a small - what he hopes to be - encouraging smile. The name Marisol flows through his brain for a second. No. Eddie is not ready yet.

“But soon?” Eddie says, and it feels more like a confirmation than a question.

“Yeah,” Buck says, his smile a little bit easier.

Of course, he thinks. Like it’s an inevitability. And for as long as you’ll have me.

#Buddie #911 #911 7.01 #Buddie fic #Fin's fic #Fin's 911 fic #Fin's Buddie fic #911 on abc #Evan Buckley #Eddie Diaz

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diazsdimples · 4 months

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Several Sentence Sunday!

Not even pretending this is 7 sentences bc it just isn't. This is the final part from Shannon's death that I'm gonna post! I hope it doesn't hurt too bad!! (I'm lying)

Tagged by @thewolvesof1998 @theotherbuckley and @daffi-990 (and inspiration saturday by @disasterbuckdiaz) thank you my dears!!

From where they are now, they can both see Christopher and Carrie through the glass doors that lead out to the patio.

They’re sitting side by side, Christopher’s crutches placed delicately next to him, and Carrie has her arm around Christopher’s shoulders. She’s pointing to something in the backyard as she murmurs quietly in Christopher’s ear, and Buck follows her finger to the large beech tree planted in the middle of the backyard, surrounded by a beautiful rock garden with pieces of sea glass and marbles that glint in the sunlight.

Buck swallows hard, fighting down his own grief, as he pushes himself out of the chair and makes his way, quietly, to the open door, trying to hear what they’re saying.

“ – And Dad got us to plant that tree in memory of Momma so we’d always have something big that we could hug,” Carrie says, her voice quiet but insistent. “Sometimes I like to sit in front of it and tell her about school or dance lessons and it makes me feel better cause Dad says she can always hear me.”

Buck watches as Christopher’s shoulders shake and its with a jolt that he realises the boy is crying. He’s about to move to comfort him when Carrie rubs his arm and rests her head on his shoulder, her blonde curls cascading down his back. Christopher leans his head against hers and sniffs loudly.

“I just wanna hear her voice again. I miss her voice, and her laugh.”

There’s a creak in the floorboards and Buck looks up to see Eddie standing next to him, eyes shining with tears. Lily’s standing between them, looking a little confused, but when she sees Chirstopher’s back heave as he sobs, she scampers out and plops herself down next to him, wrapping her arms around his middle and squeezing him tight.

“Dad says sometimes that when the wind whistles through the leaves, it’s Momma talking to us. Maybe your Dad can plant you a tree at your house. A pine tree, cause your Momma liked Christmas so much” Carrie suggests and Lily nods emphatically on Christopher’s other side.

“Get a tree that you can climb in, Chris!” she suggests excitedly. “Then you can pretend that you’re in your Momma’s arms again!”

Eddie makes a wounded noise next to Buck and grips Buck’s forearm hard. Buck’s got a lump in his throat the size of Texas right now and can’t do much more than pull Eddie close, wrapping him up in his arms and holding him while he shakes.

He doesn’t care that his shirt is getting wet from Eddie’s tears. He just holds him until Eddie breaks away and looks back out at the three kids on the patio, leaning together with their arms tangled up in one another.

“Jesus Christ, Buck, your kids know how to hurt a man don’t they” Eddie croaks as he wipes his face.

Buck laughs, a choked and strained noise. “Yeah well, they’re good girls. They want to make their friends feel better.” He turns to Eddie, locking eyes with him, and places a hand on his shoulder. “Stay as long as you need, okay? Days, weeks, months, I don’t care. We’re here for you.”

Eddie swallows hard and nods, a fresh wave of tears cascading down his cheeks. “Thanks man,” he finally croaks. “You have no idea –“

“ – I do.”

No pressure tagging @hippolotamus @callmenewbie @watchyourbuck @spagheddiediaz @cal-daisies-and-briars @theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming @spotsandsocks @jesuisici33 @rainbow-nerdss @fruitandbubbles @eddie---diaz @bucksbackwardcap @housewifebuck @transboybuckley @nmcggg @aspecbuddie @fortheloveofbuddie @buckbuckgoose @wildlife4life @wikiangela @fionaswhvre @steadfastsaturnsrings @smilingbuckley

#I promise I'll stop hurting you now #I just love them helping each other through their grief okay???#man oh man this scene is hard to write though #buddie wip #buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 abc #911 buddie #911 fanfic #911 #911verse

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chronicowboy · 1 year

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wrote this on wednesday then promptly forgot about it (thabk @danielsousa for reminding me) but there's like a tiny chance eddie could be trapped in that van with someone so the bones of this fic could still technically apply

Eddie makes it out alive. Again. Somehow.

(Except somehow is 6ft2 and looks a lot like an angel when the last piece of rubble falls away and the light filters into what Eddie had thought would be his grave.)

Eddie makes it out alive, but Joel isn't so lucky.

He had been on a motorbike when the first crash had happened, in critical condition before the bridge had collapsed. It had taken them far too long to extract him from the cluster of cars, and then, when they'd finally gotten him ready to transport, the bridge had swallowed both Joel and Eddie whole.

It had been a long two hours of trying to keep Joel from bleeding out, but eventually he'd lost the fight and the man had taken in one final, wheezing breath before going still.

Now, Eddie's staring into a hospital mirror covered in dust and another man's blood. The bathroom door creaks open, and Buck's reflection appears in the mirror.

"Chim's okay," he offers softly. Eddie squeezes his eyes shut in relief, its the most Buck is going to get out of him. "Maddie's just waiting for him to be assigned a room and then she'll go up and sit with him until he's awake." Buck joins him by the sinks, turning the faucet on and grabbing a wad of paper towels. "Hen and Bobby have been checked out too. Nothing but a few scrapes and bruises. Karen and Athena are looking after them."

Buck picks up Eddie's bloodied hands with a gentleness that makes Eddie want to curl up in a ball, but he lets Buck wipe away the grime on his skin and doesn't think about Maddie with Chimney, Athena with Bobby, Karen with Hen. He catches the bandage peeking out from under Buck's shirt sleeve and his stomach clenches.

"What about you?" he croaks, voice hoarse from begging Joel to stay with him. Buck looks up at him with earnest eyes before following his gaze down to the gauze.

"Oh, that's nothing." Buck shakes his head. "Chim needed a blood transfusion, and..."

"You're a universal donor," Eddie mumbles to himself. Buck nods.

"How are you?" he whispers, guiding Eddie's hands under the lukewarm stream of water. Eddie fixes his gaze on the pink liquid swirling around the drain.

"Unscathed," he spits.

"Eddie," Buck murmurs. "You did everything you could for him."

"It wasn't enough."

Eddie jerks his hands out of Buck's grasp, pumps three drops of soap onto his palm, turns the heat up to full and scrubs and scrubs and scrubs. Buck shuts the tap off just as the water begins to burn, and Eddie slumps into a white-knuckled grip on the edge of the counter, squeezing his eyes shut and hanging his head.

"He had a kid at home, Buck." Eddie bites his lip, revels in the gritty taste of dust. "A little girl. Jackie. God, you should have seen his face when he spoke about her." Even in the darkness, even in tremendous amounts of agony, Joel had lit up like the fucking sun when he spoke of his daughter. For a single moment, Eddie had been back in the well, fighting to get home to Christopher.

"And I know that you did everything in your power to try and get him back to her," Buck says with conviction.

"Well, it wasn't enough, was it?" Eddie snaps. "He died in my care, Buck. I let a little girl lose her father."

"Eddie, that was not your fault," Buck warns him, tone stern. "The universe was working against you in every possible way."

"The universe!" Eddie laughs coldly, meets Buck's eyes in the mirror. "The universe has been working against me my whole goddamn life, Buck. But I'm still here." His voice cracks, but he doesn't take his eyes off Buck. Can't. "Why am I still here?" Buck opens his mouth, but Eddie doesn't want an answer as much as he wants to spit in the universe's filthy fucking face. "Shannon died, my convoy died, Joel died. You died." Eddie takes in a ragged breath, cursing the oxygen in his lungs. "Why am I still alive?"

"Because there is a little boy, who's not all that little anymore, waiting for you at home. A little boy who loves you more than anything in the world. A little boy who needs his dad."

"Wasn't enough for Joel," Eddie croaks.

"No, but." Buck sighs. "You made Chris a promise. To always fight to come home to him. You were just keeping that promise."

"He had a wife," Eddie whispers. "A wife and a kid to get home to. And he fought for them. But..." He squeezes his eyes shut again. "Why am I still here, Buck?"

"For Christopher."

"Christopher would be fine." Eddie shakes his head in dismissal. "He'd have you."

For a moment, the only sound in the bathroom is Eddie's ragged breathing and the drip-drop of a leaky faucet. Then, a low and furious noise, like the grumble of thunder -

"Eddie, you are not expendable."

Eddie huffs a laugh and shakes his head.

"Clearly not," he snaps, spinning around to face Buck head on. "Clearly I'm not expendable when everybody around me, everybody but me keeps dying."

Eddie storms out of the bathroom before Buck can say anything else. The itch under his skin turning into a haunting chorus telling him to run. He follows the winding hallways of the hospital in a blind need for air, suddenly claustrophobic trapped in between four walls, just waiting for it all to come crumbling down around him. He doesn't stop until he's outside, collapsing onto the bench just left of the exit as the tears start to fall. He hunches in on himself and cries into his hands for what feels like hours.

Eventually, somebody eases down onto the bench beside him. He doesn't have to look to know its Buck, can feel it in the warmth where their shoulders touch. Eddie braces himself for whatever Buck is going to say, but nothing comes. Buck just. Sits beside him. Sits with him in his grief. And Eddie is so thankful for it that he almost doesn't remember Bobby's words to him in the hardware store.

a motorcycle accident... it was a bad one... I wasn't at my best at the time... I needed to take a minute and she sat with me.

"Eddie, you said it yourself." Buck smiles at him. "Experiences like this they change us, so you're gonna have to make a choice. What's this gonna change in you?"

Oh, Eddie thinks, that's what its going to change.

#sami rambles #this isn't technically spec but i can't stop thinking about a traffic accident being the moment bobby realised athena was more than #a colleague and the focus of next episode being a huge traffic accident #so yeah have this :)#911 show #911 fox #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #buck x eddie #911 spec #911 spec fic #911 fic #911 fanfic #911 ficlet #buddie fic #buddie ficlet #buddie fanfic #buck x eddie fic

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prosperdemeter2 · 9 months

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Teaser Tuesday - waves

Technically, the first time Sophia met Buck was at Eddie’s shield ceremony. He had been sitting at his own table with his sister, his entire left leg had been covered in a cast, and Adriana had leaned across the table to whisper to Sophia that that was the firefighter that had been blown up and stuck under a truck. Abuela had smacked her arm and told her very sternly not to gossip. Christopher had brought him an extra piece of cake. And Eddie had held on, even then, with a tighter grip around his waist than was necessary. Sophia hadn't thought anything of it, Eddie was good at putting on a show and they had just buried his wife a few days before. "He's my best friend," Eddie had said in explanation and Sophia had taken it as fact with a tiny little shrug. She reached over and stuck her finger in his frosting, stealing an entire clump of it with a twisted smile.

He grunted in offense but didn't move to stop her.

"He's my best friend," Eddie said years later, although much less earnestly and more like he was trying to remind himself, as Buck tried to put together a crib without the instructions in their Abuela’s living room.

Sophia didn't bother stifling a laugh, a hand resting on her slightly protruding belly as the baby inside it shifted and rolled and tried to rearrange her internal organs. “You could go stop him.”

Eddie looked at her incredulously. “Do I look like I have a death wish?” In all honesty, Eddie had actually started building the crib and given up when he couldn’t find the little baggy of screws it had come with. Sophia had teased him about it but it wasn’t like she was any better. She had abandoned the work to her nephew and future brother-in-law all too happily and chose to, instead, eat another pickle and mayonnaise sandwich. It was a little hilarious to watch Buck work, actually. Christopher had given up after an hour of frankly impressive eye-rolling and was instead lounging on the couch with his Switch. Buck kept getting distracted - squirrel brain, Eddie called it much too fondly. One second he’d be using the little hand wrench to screw in a leg and the next he’d be pulling out his phone to switch a song and scrolling through his social media feeds.

“You could help him.” Sophia tried with a nudge of her shoulder into his back. “Tio Eddito should be being helpful, not judgemental.”

“Tio Eddito,” Eddie countered with a comical pout. “Doesn’t even know what his fiance is doing.”

“I lost the screwdriver!” Buck bemoaned miserably and dropped back down on his back to sprawl on the floor.

Christopher twitched his leg and frowned down at him. “It’s on the mantle.”

“Why is it on the mantle?” Buck asked the ceiling fan.

“Because you put it there.” Christopher said patiently. Impatiently. It was hard to tell with a particularly moody fourteen year old. Sophia chuckled and carefully stepped around the mess in Abuela’s living room to grab the screwdriver and toss it down to him. It nearly smacked him in the face but Buck caught it with a grin. Eddie was the one that shot her a warning look.

“No more hospital visits, por favor.”

“I was aiming for the head.” Sophia teased.

She was not, in fact, aiming for the head.

Sophia hadn’t really had an opinion on Buck for a long time. He had popped up in stories every now and then, be it from Christopher or Eddie. He had seemed a bit mythical, actually. He seemingly appeared out of nowhere with everything her brother ever needed in his hands - a home health aide friend, a bubbly personality, and an unwavering loyalty. He was funny, deceptively smart, and the exact opposite of her brother in just as many ways as he was the same. Sophia hadn’t really thought he was real, honestly, until his name was lighting up Eddie’s phone after Shannon’s funeral and her brother disappeared with Christopher in another room for an hour. She had thought it was a little rude, just like Adriana had, that he hadn’t bothered showing up for the services but Sophia hadn’t known, not the way that Adriana seemed to by Eddie’s scowl alone.

It hadn’t been fair of her, then, to have that thought for him. Buck had, after all, been in a hospital undergoing several surgeries. And then he had been home for two days, high off of a ridiculous cocktail of painkillers, and standing with his sister’s concerned and ready hands outstretched to catch him if he fell, wrapping himself around her brother like he was the only thing worth standing for. Sophia didn’t know how she hadn’t noticed it then, really. Looking back on it, they had always been painfully obvious.

#buddie #day by day #why not start doing this #teaser tuesday #sophia diaz #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 fic

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thebestbooksaround · 11 months

Note

hi! i love your fic recs, and was wondering if you had any good secret relationship/fake relationship 9-1-1 fics?

Not many! But here are some I’ve read :)

Secret Relationship

nobody has to know by coupe_de_foudre (@panevanbuckley)

“You think he knows?” Eddie shrugs, only half-heartedly batting at Buck’s hand as he goes to dip his fries into Eddie’s milkshake. Buck just sticks his tongue out childishly before shoving the fries into his mouth and Eddie rolls his eyes. It does nothing to rid the adoration from his face, so Buck doesn’t take it too personally. “I dunno, I think he might suspect something.” Buck takes another fry, dangling it by his mouth for a moment. “Shame,” he says, taking a bite, “I was enjoying nobody knowing.”

* just to be with you by woodchoc_magnum (@woodchoc-magnum)

In which Eddie and Ana are dating, Buck is secretly in love with him, and Christopher isn't handling it well. This is a series and the second part really focuses on the secret relationship!

* Missing Pieces by AshwinMeird (@ashwinmeird)

Hen was not sure what to make of the new recruit, Evan "Buck" Buckley. He was reckless and that was about as much as she knew about him.

That eventually changes though and all the important parts of Buck's life reveal themselves to her over time.

* fair-weather love by maybemaybenottt (@deareddie)

"A crack of thunder. A rough shove. An empty space where Buck stood just moments ago. A pit in his stomach as he realises his boyfriend has just fallen 25 feet. A shout that claws its way out of his throat involuntarily. "BUCK!"" or, A call goes wrong. Buck falls. Eddie waits.

Fake Relationship

dreamin' with the lights on by trippingminor (@probieravi)

“Uh, that’s not all,” Eddie says, before he loses his nerve. “I was hoping you’d come as my—partner.” He winces as soon as the words leave his mouth, because genuinely, this is the stupidest goddamn idea. Shannon is probably cackling wherever she is over the fact that Eddie is acting the man he is very tragically in love with to be his—fucking fake boyfriend, or something, just to avoid the attention of some PTA parents.Buck blinks at him. “Are you—you want to pretend to be in a relationship to get Heather Paul off your back?” he asks, fingers squeezing around Eddie’s pulse point a little. or, eddie asks buck to come to christopher’s parent-teacher conference with him as his boyfriend. it’s fine. really.

* To Build a Home We Deconstruct Our Rituals by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (@letmetellyouaboutmyfeels)

After the shooting, Eddie realizes he needs to put some things in place. Like who will get his assets if he dies. Who will speak for him if he ends up in a coma. What might happen if his family contests Buck's guardianship. Luckily, he's got a simple easy-peasy solution that won't result in insanity, catastrophe, or heartbreak: Marry Buck.

The Best Lie is a Truth (My Best Mask is My Face) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

The Buckleys are celebrating their 50th Anniversary, and Maddie and Buck are both expected to come. To take the heat off Maddie, Buck impulsively blurts out that he's seeing someone new. Obviously, there's only one solution: bring Eddie as his fake boyfriend, pretend to be in love with him, and survive the weekend with minimal bloodshed. No problem, except for the, uh. "Pretend" part. Oops.

* I Didn't Know I Was Lonely 'Til I Saw Your Face by HMSLusitania (@hmslusitania)

After the ladder truck and the blood clot and the tsunami, Bobby makes Buck go to therapy before he does something stupid(like sue the city). Buck's not totally comfortable being alone with a therapist, but fortunately he makes a friend and ally who's willing to help him out - Eddie Diaz from the 136 who's just been caught in an illegal fight club. OR Total strangers Buck and Eddie go to couple's therapy together to get out of the therapy requirements their captains have placed on them.

* things we shouldn't do by Ingu (@ingu)

“Why is everybody taking my relationship status so personally? Can’t I be fine with being single?” Buck said. “Hey, you don’t have to say yes, be sad and alone if that’s what you want,” Josh replied. “But, I’m just saying. I’ve seen photos and this guy is volcanic levels of hot. Also, single dad, super cute kid. Saves lives for a living like you. I think you should give it a go.” (the one where Buck and Eddie accidentally get set up on a blind date with each other, and everything snowballs from there)

* Speak Now by datleggy (@datleggy)

Fake Dating AU idea from a tumblr post that got out of hand the minute I started writing. Eddie lies to Shannon about being in a serious relationship when she wants to re-enter his and Christopher's lives, and of course the person he asks to be his pretend significant other is none other than Evan Buckley, because what are bros for?

* And of course, Tethers by red_to_black (@redtooblack) [WIP]

Eddie's spent years trying to find a place to call home with Christopher, hoping that Shannon will come back and then desperately hoping she wouldn't. He thinks he's in the clear when she shows up at his doorstep, demanding they get back together. Eddie comes up with a foolproof plan: get a fake boyfriend, convince Shannon he's gay, and live happily ever after with his life mostly intact and Christopher safe and happy. Get rid of fake boyfriend when Shannon gives up, and life can resume as normal. Enter Buck, and the plan goes to hell in a handbasket.

#tb2a answers #tb2a finds fic #fics i love #buddie fic #buddiefanfiction #tv: 9 1 1

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queerbuckleys · 1 year

Text

LEARN MY DREAMS AREN’T RARE

[665 words | 6x09 coda | buck & eddie]

a/n: so i write this in the last 40 minutes of work and posting from my phone on the bus because well was thinking about how buck had never canonically said “i want kids and a family” it’s just something we have read about his character thoroughly. also because when he said “i’m gonna be a father” it wasn’t that literal. buddie crumbs cause i can’t write them without it and mentions of canon death and pregnancy. title from you’re on your own kid by taylor swift. enjoy!

Eddie wakes up, his face still scrunched against the couch cushion, to his phone buzzing again.

“-ello?” his voice cracks a little.

“Hi,” Buck says carefully, “I um, you never said anything?”

Eddie can tell that Buck is chewing his lip.

“You seemed excited,” he breathes out and swallows.

“Yeah, I am excited for my friends. And I’m excited because they are because they have been to hell and back to have this little thing that I could help out with.”

Eddie hums as he makes a cup of coffee and listens for the signs of Christopher getting up.

“What do you want me to say Buck?”

“I want to know what it was like for you when you found out about Christopher,” Eddie hears the swallow.

“Buck,”

“I know it’s different and that’s not what I- I just when I said that knowing that it was a clarification and not something that I am going to be saying for real anytime soon, and then I was holding this onesie and-”

“Onesie?”

“I got Connor and Kameron a LAFD onesie for the baby.”

“Oh,” Eddie says softly as he imagines the tiny piece of clothing. “What were you thinking about?”

“I just, I know now that it’s not the only chance I’ll get or whatever. And I think it’s something that deep down, it’s what I’ve wanted, but I have never said it out loud before. Because throughout my life my idea of family was based on my parents.”

Eddie scoffs a little and mumbles out a half apology.

“Yeah, so you can see why subconsciously I would not want that. But then I found home here, and now Maddie’s here- and she has a house! And the most adorable menace of a daughter. And then seeing Connor and Kameron so excited and so happy. It just made me realize that I want it, I want that excitement for the future and building a home where I can have family group hugs on the couch-”

“Well to do that you would need that particular piece of furniture and at this rate-”

“Hahaha very funny.”

“I would love to tell you that the feeling is always like that but since you asked, I was terrified. But we were barely in our twenties and it was a surprise. It was different,” he adds softly.

“Would you do it all again?”

“I mean, “it all” is a pretty loose term there Buck. But I- the only time I thought I did have that opportunity Shannon asked for a divorce and then died. So-”

“Oh, you never told me that.”

Eddie bites his lip, “Yeah, think that part of the story kinda gets lost in everything else. But that time, those brief moments when we thought, when she told me she might be pregnant again I was still terrified. Hopeful, but terrified. Because I knew another kid would never have fixed our marriage.”

“Oh.”

“Buck, that doesn’t mean it’s always scary when it happens with the right person at the right time. Have you asked Chimney? They were excited right? Even though Jee was a bit of a surprise they were solid.”

“Yeah,”

“It’s different for everybody. And like you said, you will still have that chance.”

“Morning Dad,” Christopher says from behind him. He turns around and smiles at his son moving to grab the milk and cereal, “Morning kid, from Buck too,”

“Morning Buck!” Chris says a little louder so it can be heard at the other end of the line.

“So, are we going couch shopping soon?” Eddie asks with a light teasing tone.

“I don’t know, I still need to think about this more. But maybe.”

“Okay, well let me know okay? We can always talk, Buck.”

“Yeah. I know.”

The phone beeps and Eddie stares at it for awhile with the sounds of Christopher pouring cereal faintly in the background.

“Would you ever want to do it all again?” Running through his head.

#911 fic #911 #eddie diaz #evan buckley #aj writes stuff

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gayravi · 2 years

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buddie + “you probably shouldn’t have done that”

(this is on ao3 too bc i'm unsufferable <3 thank you cole beloved!!)

"You probably shouldn't have done that."

Buck looks down at the shattered glass at his feet, feeling a panicked flush begin to crawl up his neck. "Yeah, you think?"

Eddie grins at him from across the table, because he's fucking insufferable sometimes. "I can't tell if I should be offended or not, to be honest." He says it with the smile still on his face, but Buck knows him; knows him better than he's ever known anyone in his life, better than he knows himself sometimes. Eddie's smiling, sure, but there's something beneath it, too—something decidedly more insecure. More hesitant about what Buck’s answer might be.

Because Eddie just asked Buck to fucking marry him.

Which like—yeah, Buck’s had this dream. Buck’s definitely had this dream, the one where Eddie realizes that he’s head over heels in love with Buck, and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with him, but it’s never been more than a dream. It’s never been more than—than Buck nodding off on the station couch with Eddie’s feet in his lap and thinking, right before he drifted off, that he’d be happy doing this for the rest of his life.

It wasn’t supposed to be real. If it’s real, if Eddie’s standing across the dining room table from him, one had wrapped around the stem of the wine glasses they’re cleaning, the other flexing on top of the table like he wants to reach out but isn’t sure he can.

And Buck—Buck is standing in a pile of broken glass, and he feels like his heart is beating out of his chest, because Eddie just looked up from his polishing cloth and said I think we should get married.

Buck thinks, absently, that breaking the glass was a pretty valid reaction.

“Eddie—” he starts, and then stops, because he doesn’t actually know what to say to that. Doesn’t know how to say you just asked me the question I’ve been waiting for you to ask for years without revealing all his big, stupid, inane feelings for his best friend, right here in the dining room, on a random Tuesday while Christopher is away at camp.

Buck thought that if he ever—and it was such a big if, really—confessed his feelings to Eddie, it would be bigger than this. It would be after a daring rescue, or while one of them was in the hospital at death’s door, or over a candle-lit dinner where Buck wouldn’t choke on a piece of bread and have to get an emergency tracheotomy. He had ideas, big, romantic ideas, and none of them involved Eddie fucking proposing over his and Shannon’s old gifted wine glasses.

“Buck,” Eddie says, and his voice is soft, gentle, like he’s trying not to spook a scared animal. “That was—look, don’t move, okay?” And then he’s gone, probably to get a broom, or maybe to get in his truck and drive all the way back to Texas.

Buck doesn’t move. He’s only wearing a pair of socks—they’re decorated with fried eggs, a present from Christopher for Buck’s last birthday—so it’s not like he can actually go anywhere without cutting up his feet on the shattered glass. So, even though Buck wants to move—he wants to lock himself in the bathroom, really, and maybe try and squeeze out the tiny window in there—he doesn’t, because he’s already probably irreparably ruined his relationship with his best friend. He doesn’t need to track blood through his house, too.

Eddie reappears, then, holding the lime green broom and dustpan in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. He passes the bottle to Buck without ceremony, and Buck takes it with only slightly shaking hands.

They’re silent as Eddie cleans up the mess, the only words passing between them a gentle move over a little, good, when Eddie has to get to the little shards right by Buck’s feet. Eddie goes back into the kitchen once he’s finished sweeping, and Buck hears the sound of the garbage can opening and closing, and then the fridge. He slumps into one of the pulled out chairs and puts his head in his hands, and it’s so—it’s so stupid. Buck misses being under the firetruck with his crushed leg. At least then he wasn’t worrying about Eddie proposing to him as a joke.

After another few minutes, Eddie comes back, sliding into the seat across from him. Buck peeks at him through his fingers; Eddie’s got a water bottle of his own, a reusable one that says This is Vodka, actually, a gift from Maddie, and a plate of the fancy crackers he never lets anyone eat.

They’re silent for a while longer—Buck wallowing, Eddie probably trying to figure out how to tell Buck it was a joke—when Eddie finally speaks. “That wasn’t part of the plan, you know.”

“Me breaking one of your wedding gifts?” Buck asks, halfway to miserable. “Or proposing in general?”

“Proposing before I ever asked you out on a date, actually,” Eddie corrects, taking a long sip from his water bottle.

And Buck—Buck rips his fingers from his hair so quickly it kind of hurts, blinking at Eddie with wide eyes. “What?”

“I mean, that’s what you do, right?” Eddie says, leaning back in his chair so his head is resting on the back of it. “You—you date. You ask the guy you’re in love with to go on a date with you at a fancy restaurant, and you hold hands over the table, and then you try and cop a feel when you kiss goodnight, and maybe if you’re lucky you get invited inside for some mind-blowing sex, and then—”

“Wait, wait,” Buck says, waving a hand to stop Eddie’s Hallmark-movie-inspired ideas of romance. “What?”

“What?” Eddie asks, tilting his chin down to look at Buck. “What do you mean what?”

“What do you—Eddie, what the fuck?”

“You’re losing me, man.”

“I’m losing you?” Buck says, and his voice is a little high, a little breathy, because he’s—holy shit, what the fuck is happening, actually? “You just said—you’re in love with me?”

Eddie blinks at Buck. Buck blinks back at him. Finally, Eddie says, “Yes?”

“That sounds like a question.”

“It’s not,” Eddie shakes his head, “I just didn’t realize it was a point of contention.”

“You never said anything,” Buck says, because he’s pretty certain he’d remember something like that—he’s pretty sure, actually, that he’d never forget something like that. Not when it’s something he’s wanted to hear from Eddie for years, now. Not when it’s something he’s craved for—for what feels like his whole goddamn life. “You never—you never told me that.”

Eddie scratches the back of his neck, a pretty blush turning the tips of his ears pink. “I didn’t…I don’t know how to say it, really,” he says, and it sounds like a confession. A promise, maybe. An oath. “With Shannon, it was easy. It was easy, because it was expected, you know? And like—I loved Shannon. You know I did. God knows I’ve reconciled that enough in therapy—that it’s okay for me to be gay and to have loved her. I loved Shannon, so much, and it was easy, with her.”

He takes a deep breath and pushes the untouched crackers away so he can reach across the table. Eddie doesn’t make a move to grab Buck’s hand, but he lays his flat, palm facing up, like it’s a choice for Buck to make. Like Buck’s allowed to be the one to take the next step.

He does. Of course he does. Buck lets go of the water bottle and twists his fingers around Eddie’s, ignoring the way he thinks in the back of his mind that he’s never felt something so right as this, as holding Eddie’s hand.

“But with you—it’s fucking difficult, Buck,” Eddie says, and he barks out a laugh when Buck’s nose wrinkles in offence. “Not for whatever reason you’re thinking. It’s not—you’re not difficult to love. It’s the easiest thing in the entire goddamn world to love you. I don’t know how everyone doesn’t; you’re just—here, and alive, and existing, and that’s enough, I think. To love you. To be in love with you.”

“Eddie,” Buck says, breathes really, as he swallows the lump in his throat. “Eds—”

“But it’s difficult, to say it. Because I can feel it—God, I feel it every day—but to say it? To look you in the eye and tell you that, without a doubt in the entire world, I want to spend the rest of my life with you? That I want to go to bed holding you, and wake up wrapped up in you? That I want to kiss you, and put a ring on your finger, and grow old with you? That I have never—ever—felt this way about anyone? That no one in the entire fucking world holds a candle to you? I don’t know how to say that, Buck.”

Buck chokes back on a sob, and for once, it’s not sad. It’s fucking—God, he feels like he’ flying. “You’re doing a pretty good job right now, Eds.”

And Eddie smiles, with his stupid little vampire teeth and dimples, and he squeezes Buck’s fingers, tugs them closer to him so Buck has to lean over the table a little. “You make me brave, Buck,” Eddie says, quiet. “You make me want to be brave.”

“I’m in love with you too,” Buck says, wiping at his eyes with the back of his free hand. “If the crying wasn’t clear.”

Eddie tugs his hand, and Buck gets the message clearly; he stands from his chair and walks to the other side of the table without disconnecting their fingers. As soon as he’s standing in front of Eddie, Eddie pulls until Buck’s sitting in his lap. It’s awkward, and uncomfortable, because they’re both over six feet and the chair wasn’t built to accommodate the weight of two fit firefighters, but Buck wouldn’t prefer to be anywhere else.

“It could be bad crying,” Eddie says, but he’s still smiling, still looking like the happiest man in the world, and Buck realizes, distantly, that he’s the reason for this smile.

“It’s not,” Buck says, fitting his free hand to the curve of Eddie’s jaw. “It’s such good crying, baby. It’s fucking—Jesus Christ.”

“Just Eddie, is fine,” Eddie murmurs, eyes flicking down to Buck’s lips.

“How about Mr. Buckley-Diaz?” Buck whispers, pressing his thumb into the corner of Eddie’s mouth. It opens, then, like an impulse, and Buck feels hot right down to his bones.

“Is that a yes, then?” he asks, pressing their linked hands to his chest. Buck can feel the steady thrum of his heartbeat beneath his fingers, and this—it’s so much better than his dreams. “To my question?”

“It’s a fuck yes.”

Eddie surges forward before the last syllable has even left Buck’s mouth, swallowing the words on his tongue. Buck’s fingers slide from his jaw into the short hairs at the back of Eddie’s head, and Eddie’s fit to Buck’s waist, and they’re in Eddie’s dining room, making out in a chair like teenagers, and they’re engaged, and—

Yeah. The real thing has nothing on Buck’s dreams.

send me a ship and a sentence, I’ll write the next five whatever number i vibe with

#buddie #buddie fic #911 fic #911fic #911 fox #cole 💌#reply #i apologize for the length of this btw #chelsea writes

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