#Crowley and azirapahle traumas

[mamasuellen-blog]

INSIDE THE TRAUMA OF CROWLEY AND AZIRAPHALE.

Feelings and emotions such as fear, self-blame, shame, helplessness, abandonment, anger, humiliation, impotence are fixed in painful memories after experiencing trauma. They are often exposed as adaptive defenses, there is a self-preservation that arises in the subconscious from negative experiences to defend oneself from the situation. This is a pattern that is always activated via a trigger.

This cycle affects others and especially individually. Their poor communication is caused by a lack of security, not knowing how to do this and, above all, past traumas. I know that this is not common among them, as they have already had good communication and a good connection at various times, in periods of security (or not) that they imagined they would have and, even with difficulties, they overcame them, because it was in those moments that they believed and placed trust in each other. This certainty made them stratospheric (levels), they resonated with each other, becoming one.

Metatron appears and this already arouses a certain fear in Crowley, especially after he leaves to talk to Aziraphale. Crowley must have wondered what that meant. Aziraphale comes back and wants to talk about Metatron, and that's when the trigger comes. Crowley tries to express himself, but is interrupted a few times by Aziraphale, who is anxious and tries to warn Crowley of the danger they are in. Crowley doesn't want to know about Metatron and everything else he and heaven represents.

AT THIS TIME, CROWLEY WAS ONLY FOCUSING ON AZIRAPHALE. IN DECLARING. TALK ABOUT YOUR LOVE FOR HIM AND HOW MUCH AZIRAPHALE MEANT TO HIM.

Aziraphale exposes Metatron's proposal, which shakes Crowley. Azirapahle has good intentions in wanting to be with Crowley and believes that this Crowley, the demon Crowley, with whom he fell in love, would be happy again if he were close to his creations, nebulae and stars. Azirapahle requested a significant sum for Crowley...

AT THAT MOMENT, AZIRAPAHAEL WAS ONLY FOCUSING ON CROWLEY'S HAPPINESS, ON THE FREEDOM HE WANTS TO ACHIEVE FOR HIM AND THAT TOGETHER THEY ARE STRONGER.

Aziraphale knows about Crowley's traumas in relation to heaven, but forgot, in that small moment of the conversation between them. I do not attribute blame to Aziraphale, it is not wrong to want Crowley by his side and seeing him happy with him. In fact, Crowley was happy in his past with his stars and his creations and to this day Crowley remembers his creations with nostalgia. When Aziraphale says “but much better” he says how they are currently, so close and intimate, without needing to change their personalities, the two of them together in heaven, for eternity. Good communication and security were necessary for this, but they don't know how to communicate and don't have the security to do so.

Aziraphale felt a freedom between them throughout the Second Season, and that's why he called him to go to heaven together. Azirapahle thought that regardless of the place, if they are together there will always be a blue sky for them. Another very similar situation happened at the beginning of the season regarding Gabriel. Aziraphale knew Crowley's opinion in relation to heaven, yet with this freedom he felt, he decided to call him to help him, even without being sure that Crowley would help in relation to Gabriel.

​Returning… The proposal is announced and the imaginary barrier surrounding Crowley begins to rise. This wall does not allow you to see, to experience love. It's not the first time this has happened during an argument between them. Trauma makes his vision limited, only allowing him to see what he wants to see, which is not the truth. This distorted vision is the reason why Crowley is often always anxious for the worst, always thinking that everything is too late, always interpreting things in the wrong way, which prevents him from seeing Aziraphale, whose objective is to protect, give security and eternal love. And if it were to exchange a bookstore (being something material and not durable), Aziraphale would exchange it without thinking twice, just to be with Crowley forever.

Crowley is immediatist, he desperately wants to get out of this, without thinking carefully, without analyzing whether it is safe and, even if they were, what would be the guarantee of safety? And, if Armageddon occurs, everything will be destroyed, including Alpha Centuri. Crowley also loves Earth the same way as Aziraphale and the two are its Guardians. Although the idea of moving away was temporary, he would soon want to return to Earth, since they love it and running away would not solve their problem. I don't blame Crowley for being like this, he is like this because he has gone through great trauma and cannot wait, but it prevents him from seeing clearly.

Aziraphale also feels a lot of this pain, he also wants to get out of it. However, he can only see a solution if it is done gradually, going a long way, analyzing the possibilities, even if this may require sacrifices. He rarely prioritizes his wants, and the same thing happens with Crowley. If Crowley feels guilty for having the courage to declare himself and not receiving the desired response, even more so after the kiss that came as “Desperate measures lead to desperate actions”. Aziraphale also feels guilt for not having behaved the way Crowley deserved, for not being able to give in to the hug and kiss, since he also wanted that. The problem was Metatron, who already knew a lot of information between them and was there, meters away, he could hear them or see them through the window.

If Crowley is afraid of losing Aziraphale and that's why he wants so much to get away from there as quickly as possible, Aziraphale also has this feeling. And deep down he was aware that, sooner or later, their relationship could be damaged due to their partnership. They both have this perception, but without even communicating it, talking about this fear. That's why Aziraphale, in 1967, asked Crowley to slow down their relationship, and he wasn't referring to the car, but rather to his immediacy tendency. Aziraphale wanted to avoid being discovered, so as not to put Crowley in danger. In addition to Aziraphale, who was stolen again and separated against his will, Crowley attributed the separation between them… “No Nightingale” in the same way that Aziraphale did with Crowley in 1 × 06 “It's over!” During arguments, they end up hurting each other. They are the nuclear bomb of communication and the uranium that powers this bomb carries the traumas of heaven and hell. Even though they live on their side, the "us" since the end of 1x06 and away from the systems (heaven and hell) for the last 4 years, proper communication is something completely new and they have no knowledge of how to deal with it, where start, what to say... Wounded people hurt other people, even if they never intend to.

Crowley is now frozen at heart. He falls again and goes deeper into the trauma and in the dark he can't see anything.

Aziraphale is Crowley's LIGHT, just as Crowley is Aziraphale's LIGHT.

In the midst of darkness, Crowley will strive to protect himself, as he no longer wants to be hurt, he is stuck in the past and cannot focus on the present. He has no hope, no expectations and no faith in himself to believe in others. The fear of suffering keeps the heart closed. But that doesn't mean that the hope inside him has died, it's just dormant and will certainly be awakened when they're together and having a good talk about their traumas. I believe that Aziraphale will return to talk, explain better what happened, beg Crowley not to forget them, to have confidence in themselves again and try to listen to their own demons to understand them and learn to deal with them, and of course, request help in relation to Armageddon, but I also believe that Crowley will not want to know any of this, as he is tired of looking for the reason for all this, the reason for the Great Plan and Armageddon. He will turn away from Aziraphale and do everything he can to deny it, knowing that he will not be able to resist it for long, since, deep in the darkness, there is still a LIGHT, the LIGHT that is the part of Aziraphale that is inside him.

Aziraphale had to follow and is determined to win. He didn't want any of that, he didn't want to hurt Crowley, but he was threatened in the conversation with Metatron and that already raised an alarm in him. He chose freedom (since against death, preferring coffee would be the only option) “Give me Coffee or Give me Death”. Staying on Earth or fleeing would put his and Crowley's lives in extreme danger. His names would be taken from the book of life. Metatron wants to separate them, as they are both a threat against Armageddon, after all they are Guardians of humanity, the Earth, the Universe.

Aziraphale's nature is to love, especially to LOVE Crowley. Being a guardian is also part of his essence, he protects those he loves and even those who have done him harm and this is not a sign of weakness, but rather a matter of being kind to others and acting in accordance with what is right. Aziraphale returns to heaven hurt, heartbroken. He continues with the traumas of the past, his inner demons will manifest and he will need to learn to deal with them, with determination and courage. Aziraphale has to remain persistent to face the great difficulties that lie ahead. He believes he will get them the necessary freedom they need. Despite being far away, it is in his thoughts of Crowley, in the love he has for Crowley that the path will be illuminated, it is this LIGHT that Aziraphale will find to maintain his strength and overcome difficulties. He can't give up. It is because of having faith in their God Crowley that he will continue, it is for the Earth that is their home, it is for the protection of all Crowley's creations. If Armageddon happens, all of this will disappear and Aziraphale will never allow it.

I believe that Aziraphale will have to deal with his demons sooner than Crowley in season 3. He will realize that this cycle is self-destructive and, if Crowley remains in this situation, he will lose himself for good. They are each other's complement and if that doesn't exist, nothing will exist (and when I say that absolutely nothing would exist, I'm even referring to the universe that surrounds them, as they are part of the force of balance that maintains everything). Azi will understand his traumas and change the way he sees the past, reflecting on the present and having better perspectives for the future. Of course, he will also need to talk to Crowley and both will resolve many internal issues between them and Crowley will identify, learn about his traumas and how to deal with them. Aziraphale knows that Crowley has trauma from the fall, and if he could take that pain away, he would have already done so. Azirapahle will have a new perspective on his pain, even allowing a deeper understanding of Crowley's suffering, since Crowley is maximizing his traumas, with no prospects for improvement for himself, other than suffering and punishment.

Individually and together, they will grow, become aware of their pain, learn to deal with it and focus on the now, staying in the present and isolating the problems of the past, focusing only on the good things they deserve. The long-awaited hug between them will be the key point, one of the greatest moments of delivery “I feel you feeling me.” I feel every micromolecule in your body, I feel you. And you can feel me too. The barriers that prevent the perception of what we really deserve will not exist, there will only be space for love, for the “us” that has always been there, in happiness and pain, but that this time will resonate completely, because they are each other's key

[greenthena]

Buck up, Hamlet!

***Trigger warning: Death and taking your own life in the context of Shakespeare***

Aziraphale likes Hamlet. Likes the play so much, that he bats his eyelashes at Crowley until the demon performs a miracle to make the mopey Prince of Denmark more popular. Well, good job, the both of you, because four hundred and some odd years later, you still can't get through repertory auditions without some bugger hoisting a skull and starting that monologue. Not that I don't appreciate Hamlet from a structural and analytical perspective. And the Prince of Denmark is a character most actors would sacrifice several toes to play. But it's dark. It's not a fun one.

So why does Aziraphale like it so much? Why's this fluffy little angel so Hell-bent on one of Shakespeare's tragedies? Join me, friendly Good Omens scholars, and let's suss some shit out.

Crowley adamantly dislikes Shakespeare's tragedies. "This isn't one of Shakespeare's gloomy ones, is it? Arghhhh. No wonder no one is here," he complains, wilting like a floppy noodle. Of course, it doesn't take much for Aziraphale to weasel the demon into miracling more people into the audience. But Crowley makes a point to say that he "still prefer(s) the funny ones" as he's leaving The Globe.

Crowley, I would argue, goes to the theatre to escape his real-life situation. He's a bloody demon who, when he's not stationed on Earth, literally goes to Hell. And it's not a nice place. Crowley's everyday life (particularly when he's not around Aziraphale) revolves around pain and suffering--whether its his or someone else's is insignificant. What matters is that regularly sees and experiences tangible, visceral representations of tragedy in his actual existence. Of course he prefers Shakespeare's funny ones! They're a reminder that the world and the human race that he's accidentally become so attached to is full of more than torment and affliction. Crowley doesn't appreciate Shakespeare's tragedies because they're an extension of his own suffering, with which he's already intimately familiar. For Crowley, attending a Shakespearean tragedy is like picking a scab. You already know you've been injured and fussing with the damned thing only makes it worse.

This is not the case for Azirapahle. As an angel, he's not allowed to have any scabs, much less pick at them. Like Crowley, he sees suffering in the world. He knows that humanity is constantly facing difficult odds, and even the most wonderful of human lives eventually ends in death. But unlike Crowley, Aziraphale works within a system in which there is no gray space--and therefore, no room for an angel, an agent of the side of righteousness, to experience doubt in the Ineffable Plan. The Heavenly model is to deal with problems by pretending they don't exist. Heaven has an image to maintain, after all. Like, the sheer amount of repression we see amongst the Heavenly Host is honestly terrifying. I'm thinking about the way in which The Metatron frames the Fall and damnation of a third of the angels. "For one Prince of Heaven to be cast into the outer darkness makes a good story. For it to happen twice, makes it look like there is some kind of institutional problem." It's so cold and removed because to process something so traumatic would not fit the image of Heaven. So it's neatly boxed up and packed away into a soundbite that better fits Heaven's corporate brand.

Aziraphale's suffering is certainly no less than Crowley's. The angel's trauma is repressed. It's cloaked in shining bright hallways of pure angelic light. It's hidden behind false words and tight smiles. It's communicated passive-aggressively by abusers who still have the angel caught in their web of control and manipulation. At least Crowley's trauma is visible. When he fell, the demon took on a new appearance that physically demonstrates his suffering. He has access to feelings of anger and frustration and he's allowed to express these things because he's a demon. He doesn't have to be good.

Since Aziraphale is not permitted to own his emotions and his trauma, he outsources them. He enjoys Shakespeare's tragedies because they give him the opportunity to achieve second-hand catharsis. He may not be able to admit that he's suffering, but he can experience Hamlet's pain vicariously.

***Reminding you of that trigger warning, folks!***

And this is where we get to the question, "To be, or not to be?" This is the moment in S1 E3 when Aziraphale interacts with Richard Burbage, and shouts out, "To be! Not to be! Come on, Hamlet, buck up!" He says this with this coy little smile, obviously trying to get a laugh out of Crowley. But it's indicative of a more serious dilemma that the angel, himself, must parse out. In Shakespeare's play, Hamlet's query is expressed as he wrestles with the choice between life and death. Essentially, it's a contemplation of suicide--a dark part of humanity that Heaven manages by eternally condemning those who would risk it. However there's another way to read this question, not as life and death, but as agency and the lack thereof. We think of "to be" as the choice for life and "not to be" as the option for suicide. But the only way in which Hamlet can express his agency is by taking control of the one thing that truly belongs to him: his own life. So when asking this question of an eternal being, what exactly does it mean, "To be?" What does it mean for Aziraphale to express agency in his immortal existence?

In Western thought, we tend to divide things into binaries: right and wrong, black and white, good and evil...to be or not to be. Back in the Garden if Eden, Crowley first introduced Adam and Eve to the idea that they had a choice. The serpent presented two options, obey or disobey God's authority. Though I think a better way of looking at it would be to say, passively accept your role or have agency in your fate. This is Crowley's method. He never pushes temptations upon you. He just wants to make sure you know all your options.

Like Hamlet, Aziraphale is presented with the choice of, "To be or not to be?" He can sign on the dotted line and follow Heaven's authority or he can be an angel with agency, an angel that goes along with Heaven as far as he can. And though Aziraphale still struggles with how exactly free will pertains to angels, Crowley shows him time and time again that he has options--he can make his own choices. From the very first interaction between the angel and the demon on the wall of Eden, Crowley (ever the optimist) knows there is hope for some meaningful connection with Aziraphale, because the angel makes a choice for himself: he gives away his sword. And from that moment, Crowley realizes that this angel might be just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing.

It's no wonder Aziraphale gets attached to the tragedy of Hamlet. It allows him to observe and process the darker and more difficult emotions that he, as an angel, struggles to manage. And perhaps more importantly, the Prince of Denmark's famous soliloquy mirrors of Crowley's method of temptation, wherein the demon simply reminds him that he has a choice and that, even as an angel, he can find ways to express his agency.

[ao3feed-ineffablehusbandz]

Get well my angel

Get well, my angel

by Cosmic_cubeTM

Azirapahle had been alone in London since the war started. He had no clue where Crowley had been since then. until he finds him crying in an open grave one late night, and decides to take him home.

....

a little fic set during ww2, uhm there's some surprises in here :)

Words: 5211, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: Gen, M/M

Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens), Original Male Character(s)

Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens) & Original Male Character(s)

Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Trauma, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Hurt Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley is a Mess (Good Omens), Soft Crowley (Good Omens), Protective Aziraphale (Good Omens), Aziraphale is "just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing" (Good Omens), Aziraphale is Bad at Feelings (Good Omens), aziraphale is mommy, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), nazis are the fucking worst and can burn in hell, Crowley is Good With Kids (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Kids (Good Omens), Crowley is Bad at Being a Demon (Good Omens), Angst with a Happy Ending, Crowley is a Sweetheart (Good Omens), Soft Aziraphale (Good Omens)

From https://ift.tt/VAifOE8 https://archiveofourown.org/works/48182023

[dalliancekay]

TL:DR Azirapahle doesn’t have (literal) religious trauma (the kind we do) BECAUSE God is real in his universe. He IS being watched. He WOULD be punished for not following rules, his assignments (his job) and his beloved would be hurt if they stepped to out of line. He can’t stop believing in Heaven. Heaven is fucking there, breathing down his neck his whole existence. And he DID NOT reject Crowley in Final 15. He had to go. He had no choice. He would NEVER choose death. - This said, it is a good analysis of religious trauma and Good Omens is absolutely a great vehicle to think on it as it has many similarities.

BUT First of all, in the picture – Aziraphale is NOT REJECTING Crowley. In neither of the scenes. In the first one, his automatic response shows; keeping Crowley safe from possible repercussions. Until he’s reminded, they are about to face the biggest repercussions there are so whatever they do right now, will not matter. So he gets on the bus with Crowley and SITS NEXT TO HIM to go home with him.

In the second picture, Aziraphale is hurt that Crowley would kiss him, ask him to stay with something he wanted for literal aeons (even if he didn’t know that) and he can’t stay. He has no choice. And yet. He forgives him. The purest display of unconditional love. He will always forgive Crowley. Unlike Somebody. Yes, the trauma inflicted on Aziraphale does show up as him feeling he’s not good enough, or that he doesn't matter or that he can’t change anything. Being told from the moment he was ‘born’ that there is a Plan that will come to fruition takes a lot of work (and pain) to disassemble. To internalise that this is not true. That he has and can change things just by trying, just by wanting them, by allowing himself to want them. Job – yes, he’s terrified he will be punished for lying to Heaven but no sane person wouldn’t be. Was he supposed to celebrate the possibility he will Fall?

"Aziraphale never makes it a secret that he despises Crowley's demonic nature. Never."

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

I’m sorry but you are projecting here. He sees demon Crowley and is clearly happy to do so. Super relieved even. He gently asks for his new name. Non deadnaming him. If he's not as joyous at meeting Crowley (Crawley) now as he was that first time, well. That surely makes sense? With the War and Fall and the huge fucking trauma they all went through. The whole, 'Oh I thought I've lost you forever and yet here you are and now I don't even know how to behave' moment he must have had there. (Act casual Aziraphale, act casual, what if he doesn't want to associate with you now - his usual insecurities showing up etc).

Cos here, a demon (he is supposed to fear and smite on sight and hate) appears next to him on the Wall of Eden and Aziraphale? Is not hateful, he's curious and then clearly recognises him (for the being he knew before the War), delighted and decides (in mere moments) he still trusts him with what he’s just done (given away his sword) a truth HE DOESN’T TELL GOD about later. And you are saying he is disgusted by him??

...

AZIRAPHALE DOESN’T REJECT CROWLEY BECAUSE HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE WITH HIM He ‘rejects him’ because it’s fucking dangerous for them to be together.

And Aziraphale takes the job in Heaven because he realises Metatron would not leave them be. He asks Crowley to come so they can work together on whatever it is they will need to face. Crowley refuses, because he has his own trauma to deal with too. Trauma that also is similar, but not identical, to some parts of the religious trauma experienced by people who left a religion or a cult. The kiss is not a fucking temptation. It’s a plea. Crowley doesn’t want to be without Aziraphale (he loves him) and vice versa, but just as Aziraphale kept his distance for 6000 years so he must do now, yet (and most painfully) again, to keep Crowley from harm. The harm that would absolutely, surely descent on them if he told Metatron no a final time.

Aziraphale is not making a mistake by going. He is not going to be happy in fucking Heaven. He hates it. He hates his abusers, they belittled him for ever, they physically punched him, made fun of him, they TRIED TO KILL HIM 4 YEARS PREVIOUSLY.

He knows all that and yet he is going. First to protect Crowley. And then to protect the World. P.S. As for the BCT (bad Crowley take), he didn't introduce Aziraphale to food to tempt him cos wanted to glee with the satisfaction of watching the angel sin. He is not cruel and he would not do something to hurt Aziraphale. Not if he can help it. He did it simply cos he thought Aziraphale would enjoy food and boy was he right. He got to watch the fruits of his labour (pun intended) of that night for thousands of years, watching his beloved enjoy himself.

I was not able to find the source for this pic! If you know about it, please let me know in the comments or via direct! Thank you!

Religious trauma in Good Omens: Aziraphale's case

We talk about religious trauma and the state of constant psychological abuse and manipulation experienced by those who suffer it, using Aziraphale as an example.

DISCLAIMER

This post is about painful experiences and the different ways you can react to them. This may affect you in particular and be difficult or stressful to deal with.

Here I intend to speak to you about the trauma of Aziraphale. I use the singular not because it is a single event, but because it is a very specific type of trauma to which ours has been subjected continuously since the beginning of time: religious trauma.

WHAT IS RELIGIOUS TRAUMA

Religious trauma is a complex type of trauma that usually has its greatest impact during the period of development: a person grows up in a social context that is regulated according to the dictates of any sect, which greatly influences the way they approach reality and, above all, themselves.

Often, this trauma begins to affect the existence of the victim even before they begin to speak and thus have the capacity to articulate the memories associated with it. It is not necessarily this trauma that is marked by significant events: very often it is its impact on everyday life that literally conditions the people who experience it, placing them on a well-trodden path of conventions and moral imperatives from which they must not deviate.

We are all (obviously, given the fandom) familiar with the concept of original sin. When a person is brought up with the view that we are all born sinners because we have literally inherited that sin and must spend our lives making amends for what is in our nature, several things happen:

_we live with a constant sense of shame and fear of not making it, of not being enough; _we blindly trust those who raise us and show us the way, and we may not want to see the inherent hypocrisies and contradictions because that would bring us into conflict with reality; _as a result, we have an incredible fear of authority and will tend to respect hierarchies even when they do not make much sense to us, and also try not to question what we are told; _we want at all costs to be 'part of the herd' and conform to the group, so we will suppress anything that we feel is different and might cause us trouble.

Now let's consider that, growing up in such a context, we become aware that something is not quite right for us. It could be anything from realising that we have sexual urges, to being attracted to someone of the same sex, to feeling uncomfortable in our own bodies, and so on.

In response to all of this, we experience feelings of shame, self-loathing and a desire to repress that which takes us away from what is the right way to be.

All these things are cruelly represented in our beloved angel Aziraphale.

AZIRAPHALE'S TRAUMA

It is really difficult to talk about Aziraphale's pain, although it is probably the most obvious and easiest to explain in the series. Because it is tangible, it is realistic, many of us experience it all the time and can relate to it.

Aziraphale has won us over with his almost childlike tenderness and joy, with his tenderness for the little things, with his tendency to take to heart the well-being and happiness of every human being in front of him. He is pure, genuine, sensitive and always on the side of good. But behind his façade of a happy and enthusiastic little creature, there is a frightened, abused, insecure child full of shame and self-reproach. This will always condition his actions and will lead him to the painful and, as we shall see, inevitable epilogue in which he rejects Crowley's love to follow Metatron to Paradise.

TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT OR TO DO WHAT I MUST?

We immediately see how Aziraphale lives in a state of perpetual contradiction due to his strong sense of morality: in the series, the first thing we see of him is the moment when he gives Adam and Eve the flaming sword he received as guardian of the Eastern Gate, so that they would not be completely helpless in their escape from the Garden of Eden.

As well as entertaining Crowley (and winning his immediate admiration), the episode shows us from the outset that Aziraphale has a moral compass that always points in a very precise direction: the good of others. This will often lead him in the series to act on impulse, only to have to face the consequences of constituted authority, and create in him an everlasting sense of remorse: almost immediately he is asked by God himself to account for the sword, the very sword that was in danger of becoming an instrument of destruction in the hands of one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse - except that it was then the key to preventing it.

Unable to fight his nature, Aziraphale finds himself repeating the same actions over and over again: in the miniseries about the life of Job, his tenacity to save innocent creatures at all costs leads him to confront Crowley head-on, discovering his plan to circumvent the orders he was given and not kill anyone. But the web of lies he and the demon have woven tightens around him as Gabriel, Michael and the other angels descend to give Job the good news that he will be able to have more children in exchange for those who have been killed.

Aziraphale is thus forced to make a choice: tell the truth, exposing Crowley's deception and leading to the presumed murder of Job's children, or lie, saving everyone but tarnishing himself with what he sees as an unforgivable guilt. Our angel, as we know, chooses to lie. This causes him tremendous pain and leads him to believe that his fate is sealed and that he must fall. Despite having made the right choice.

Fortunately, as we know, none of this happens. But the fear of doing the wrong thing is always with him.

NATURAL ENEMIES

Aziraphale never makes it a secret that he despises Crowley's demonic nature. Never.

It is painful to compare the admiring look he gives him in S2E1 when he meets him in his angelic version, intent on starting the nebula he has been working on since the beginning of time, with the veiled look of shock (not to say a little disgust) he gives him in S1E1 when they meet again as an angel and a demon, on the walls of the Garden of Eden.

However, as soon as it starts to rain and Crowley gets close to him, Aziraphale immediately takes him under his wing. Aziraphale is an angel, and as such he loves no matter what. It is his peculiar and almost poisonous trait that leads him to help and to forgive even those who have wronged him.

Aziraphale believes that Crowley should be forgiven and loved, but he cannot accept that he has feelings of love for him. This leads him to reflexively despise himself for what he feels, and to push Crowley away whenever he gets too close: think of the argument under the gazebo, or when, confronted with Crowley's suggestion that he take him for a ride after giving him the thermos of holy water, he tells him that he "runs too fast".

It is already obvious to us viewers, and to Aziraphale himself, that he has feelings for Crowley that go far beyond camaraderie, but he cannot let go of them: the fear of retribution and the contempt he feels for anything that is not angelic leads him once again to flounder in contradictions and adopt that yo-yo attitude that characterises all his interactions with Crowley.

THE FINAL TEMPTATION

Crowley is a demon sui generis: he is not really evil and does not mind harming others. In fact, if he can, he actively avoids doing so. However, he does enjoy temptation, and one of his favourite targets is our beloved angel. Still during the miniseries on the life of Job, we see Crowley's first successful temptation of Aziraphale: while the two are patiently waiting for the storm to pass in the cellar of the mansion, Crowley offers him a drink, but Aziraphale refuses, not wanting to succumb to the intoxication of the wine.

Crowley then suggests that he try some human food. The angel is initially disgusted, but makes no objection, and is so impressed by what he tastes that he devours the entire roast beef on the table. Crowley is delighted, and this gag of temptation for an invitation to dinner is repeated throughout the series. Whether the invitation comes from him or from Crowley, each time Aziraphale eats contentedly and our demon watches him eat with satisfaction.

Crowley can therefore be said to be initiating Aziraphale into the pleasures of the flesh, which he will indulge in to the fullest. Aziraphale is a hedonist who loves refined and special things: from antique books to bespoke clothing, passing records, tea and sushi. He loves the objects he surrounds himself with and treats them with care: remember the white gloves he wears before leafing through the only existing copy of Agnes Nutter's Prophecies!

Aziraphale delights in touching his surroundings, and we have already talked about how his predominant love language is physical contact. As much as he can control himself, he touches our demon every time he gets his hands on him. He cannot help it. He desires it, and while Aziraphale has not realised this for the better part of 6,000 years on Earth, in the last century he has come to acknowledge it openly.

This leads Aziraphale to experience another contradiction: he wants to have more physical contact with Crowley, but he cannot. Crowley is a demon, he is the enemy, he is everything he abhors, but the angel he was is always there, alive, before his eyes, and it is out of love for that angel that Aziraphale accepts Metatron's proposal, faced with the prospect of being able to take Crowley back to Paradise with him. So they could be together, in the sunlight, with the approval of God and all, in an angelic way.

But Crowley unexpectedly, desperately, refuses.

Our angel feels betrayed, but has no choice but to accept Crowley's will.

Here is the irreparable, the ultimate temptation our demon could offer: a kiss, a last desperate cry for love, a plea for help, a series of meanings too great to be expressed in words. Crowley grabs Aziraphale by the lapels and for a few very long seconds their lips meet.

Aziraphale has never experienced anything like this before (probably not even Crowley) and feelings stir inside him that he has never even been able to name. Feelings that frighten him, feelings that bring back his contempt for himself and his being far from angelic nature. Aziraphale desires Crowley, discovers that he wants to be kissed by a demon (as the writers of the show themselves have revealed to us), and all of this clashes with everything he has ever been. He has just witnessed the contempt of angels and demons for the love of Beelzebub and Gabriel, he has just risked extinction for helping the fugitive Archangel, and yet Crowley tempts him with a sweet and terrible kiss.

But Aziraphale is an angel, and as such he loves and forgives.

So he forgives Crowley.

But Crowley, by definition, is unforgivable: disappointed and embittered by his beloved's rejection, he leaves.

Aziraphale does not really want to go to Paradise, but his desire to be part of the herd, his need to be loved and accepted by his faction, drives him to go, to do what is right, what is expected of him as an angel.

As he gets into the lift and asks Metatron what his task will be, he discovers that he will have to deal with the very thing he had already averted in the past: the Second Coming, the Last Judgement. He realises his mistake, realises that he is trapped, and once again wonders if he should do what is right or what he must do.

This time, however, it wins what he must: after one last look at Crowley, watching from afar, Aziraphale climbs into the lift with Metatron that will take him to Paradise. His trauma is so deep and ingrained that it has removed any prospect of being worthy of love except in the light of divine approval.

Although leaving everything he loves - Crowley, Earth, the Library - causes him enormous pain, Aziraphale must return to Paradise and fulfil his destiny.

More infos at Religious trauma syndrome - Wikipedia

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[aziraphales-library]

Thank you for this amazing blog! Do you know any fics where Azirapahle’s wings get cut off? The angstier the better?

There was a similar ask that you can check here.

Some additional rec with cut wings and/or wing injury:

Unfallen Punishment [T] by Jewely

Crowley wiped a tear from his eye. He ignored every stop sign, every person, and every traffic light. He forgot to breathe, yet he felt like hyperventilating. The demon wasn’t even wearing his usual shades. “Shit, Shit, Shit. You stupid angel. Can’t take care of yourself for one damn day. “ Crowley kept murmuring as he drove, feeling the panic coming over him, taking over his mind like a heavy mist of fear.

—————————————

Aziraphale was attacked by Archangels. And of course, Crowley is willing to do anything possible to help him.

Let Me Be Your Wings [T], WIP by BambixRonno

As punishment for giving away his flaming sword, Heaven takes Aziraphale's wings. He can get them back, though, so long as he works faithfully on Earth to earn their forgiveness. Trying to please Heaven is easier said than done, though, and his secret friendship with Crowley makes earning his redemption even more difficult.

Especially since Crowley doesn't know he's an angel.

The Haunting of Hext House [T], WIP by BuggreAlleThis

After the Apocalypse, Crowley and Aziraphale have to work through millennia of fear, abuse, and repression, as well as the trauma of the Apocalypse, their attempted executions, and the new, terrifying freedom which neither of them has ever experienced.

Or they could deny there's any need to unpack all of that, buy a house on a whim, and run away to the South Downs, where Crowley covets his neighbour's greenhouse and comes up with a plot to make the couple next-door move out.

Shifting Heaven and Earth [T] by BuggreAlleThis

For most of history, since he narrowly avoiding Falling from Heaven with Lucifer, Crowley has been working for the Angelic Corruption Unit. This ended up being far more boring than he hoped it would be, but things change when he is assigned to go undercover on Earth. His mission is to investigate Aziraphale, an infamous angel who has been on Earth since its Creation, and whom Heaven is sure is guilty of corruption or dereliction of duty. He soon discovers that life on Earth is far more complicated than he'd been led to imagine, especially when Aziraphale's demonic counterpart, Hastur, arrives on the scene.

Mirror, Mirror [T] by ImprobableDreams900

Adam, Eve, and Crawly flee Eden through the Western Gate, and it turns out that that simple decision makes all the difference in the world...

~Mod N

[unproblematicme]

Fics who are calling Aziraphale cruel... I... cruel?? Listen. He may have „rejected“ Crowley, but Azirapahle has been under mental abuse for literally 6000 years, probably longer. He has been gaslighted. He was scared, he was unsure and he wanted to protect Crowley. That’s not cruel. Calling THIS cruel, is an insult to everyone experiencing gaslighting or any other kind of emotional abuse. This is not being cruel. This is called Trauma, people.

Thank you! Yes, he is traumatized. But it’s not only his trauma, making him so careful. The threat is real. What was Aziraphale supposed to do? Pretend his friendship with Crowley is NOT the most forbidden thing ever? They were already in mortal danger as it was. Aziraphale even mentions that he is scared that Hell will destroy Crowley. So no, Aziraphale is not cruel and Crowley sure is clever enough to understand his actions - even if he not always likes them.

[ao3feed-goodomens]

Fall For You

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2VQX9NG

by SporadicReader

Gabriel forces the angel Crowley to break up with Azirapahle by threaten to ensure that her soulmate would Fall if she wouldn’t. Because Crowley is neither capable of seeing her love Fall nor breaking her heart, she chooses to Fall, which causes Aziraphale to forget her and their memories. How long will it take until they meet again?

Words: 1089, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F

Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens), Gabriel (Good Omens), Sandalphon (Good Omens), Satan | Lucifer (Good Omens)

Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens)

Additional Tags: Ineffable Wives | Female Aziraphale/Female Crowley (Good Omens), Female Crowley (Good Omens), Female Aziraphale (Good Omens), Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Protective Crowley (Good Omens), Angel Crowley (Good Omens), Fallen Angel Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Hates Gabriel (Good Omens), Crowley has Trauma from the Fall (Good Omens), Soulmates, Angst, Loss, Memory Loss, True Love, Love at First Sight, Lost Love

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2VQX9NG

[ao3feed-crowley]

Fall For You

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2VQX9NG

by SporadicReader

Gabriel forces the angel Crowley to break up with Azirapahle by threaten to ensure that her soulmate would Fall if she wouldn’t. Because Crowley is neither capable of seeing her love Fall nor breaking her heart, she chooses to Fall, which causes Aziraphale to forget her and their memories. How long will it take until they meet again?

Words: 1089, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F

Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens), Gabriel (Good Omens), Sandalphon (Good Omens), Satan | Lucifer (Good Omens)

Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens)

Additional Tags: Ineffable Wives | Female Aziraphale/Female Crowley (Good Omens), Female Crowley (Good Omens), Female Aziraphale (Good Omens), Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Protective Crowley (Good Omens), Angel Crowley (Good Omens), Fallen Angel Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Hates Gabriel (Good Omens), Crowley has Trauma from the Fall (Good Omens), Soulmates, Angst, Loss, Memory Loss, True Love, Love at First Sight, Lost Love

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2VQX9NG

[mamasuellen-blog]

DENTRO DOS TRAUMAS DE CROWLEY E DE AZIRAPHALE.

INSIDE THE TRAUMA OF CROWLEY AND AZIRAPHALE.

Sentimentos e emoções como medo, auto culpabilização, vergonha, desamparo, abandono, raiva, humilhação, impotência se fixam nas memórias dolorosas após passar por traumas. Muitas vezes são expostas como defesas adaptativas, acontece uma autopreservação que surge no subconsciente das experiências negativas para se defender da situação. Isso é um padrão que sempre é ativado por meio de um gatilho.

Esse ciclo afeta os outros e principalmente individualmente. A péssima comunicação deles é causada pela falta de segurança para se comunicar, não saberem como fazer isso e, sobretudo, pelos traumas do passado. Sei que isso não é uma frequência entre eles, pois eles já tiveram uma boa comunicação e uma boa conexão em vários momentos, em períodos securitários (ou não) que eles imaginavam ter e, mesmo com dificuldades, eles superavam, pois, era nesses momentos que eles acreditavam e depositavam confiança um no outro. Essa certeza os tornou (níveis) estratosféricos, ressoaram entre si, se tornando um só.

Metatron aparece e isso já desperta um certo receio em Crowley, sobretudo depois que ele sai para conversar com Aziraphale. Crowley deve ter se questionado, o que aquilo significava. Aziraphale volta e quer conversar sobre Metatron, e é aí que o gatilho surge. Crowley tenta se expressar, mas é interrompido algumas vezes por Aziraphale, que está ansioso e tenta exacerbadamente alertar Crowley do perigo que eles corriam. Crowley não quer saber sobre Metatron e tudo mais que ele e o céu representa.

NESSE MOMENTO, CROWLEY ESTAVA FOCANDO APENAS EM AZIRAPHALE. EM SE DECLARAR. FALAR DO SEU AMOR POR ELE E O QUANTO AZIRAPHALE SIGNIFICAVA PARA ELE.

Aziraphale expõe a proposta de Metatron, o que abalou Crowley. Azirapahle tem boas intenções ao desejar estar com Crowley e acredita que esse Crowley, o demônio Crowley, por quem se apaixonou, ficaria feliz novamente se estivesse próximo de suas criações, nebulosas e estrelas. Azirapahle solicitou uma quantia significativa para o Crowley…

NESSE MOMENTO, AZIRAPAHAEL ESTAVA FOCANDO APENAS NA FELICIDADE DO CROWLEY, NA LIBERDADE QUE ELE QUER ALCANÇAR PARA ELE E QUE JUNTOS ELES SÃO MAIS FORTES.

Aziraphale, esqueceu, naquele instante, os traumas que Crowley tem em relação ao céu. Eu não atribuo culpa a Aziraphale, ele não está equivocado ao desejar Crowley ao seu lado e vê-lo feliz. Realmente, Crowley era feliz e até hoje se recorda de suas criações com afeto e saudade. Uma boa comunicação e segurança para isso foram necessários, mas eles não sabem se comunicar e não têm segurança para isso.

Voltando… A proposta é anunciada e a barreira imaginária que envolve o Crowley começa a se elevar. Esse muro não lhe permite enxergar, experimentar o amor. Não é a primeira vez que isso acontece durante uma discussão entre eles. O trauma torna sua visão limitada, só permite ver aquilo que ele quer ver, e que não é a verdade. Essa visão distorcida é a razão pela qual, muitas vezes, Crowley está sempre ansioso pelo pior, sempre achando que tudo é tarde demais, sempre interpretando as coisas de maneira errada, o que o impede de enxergar Aziraphale, cujo objetivo é proteger, dar-lhe segurança e amor eterno. Se fosse para trocar uma livraria (sendo algo material e que não dura para sempre), Aziraphale trocaria sem pensar duas vezes, apenas para estar com Crowley para sempre.

Crowley é imediatista, ele quer desesperadamente sair disso, sem pensar com cautela, sem analisar se é seguro e, mesmo que eles fossem, qual seria a garantia de segurança? E, se o Armagedom ocorrer, tudo será destruído, inclusive a Alpha Centuri. Crowley também ama a Terra do mesmo jeito que Aziraphale e os dois são os Guardiões dela. Embora a ideia de se afastar fosse temporária, logo ele teria vontade de retornar à Terra, já que eles a amam e fugir não resolveria o problema deles. Eu não atribuo culpa a Crowley por ser assim, ele é assim porque passou por grandes traumas e não consegue esperar, mas que lhe impede de enxergar com clareza.

Aziraphale também sente muito dessa dor, ele também quer sair disso. No entanto, ele só consegue enxergar uma solução se for gradualmente, percorrendo um caminho longo, analisando as possibilidades, mesmo que isso possa exigir sacrifícios. Ele raramente prioriza suas vontades, seus desejos.  Se Crowley sente culpa por ter coragem de se declarar e não receber a resposta desejada, ainda mais após o beijo que veio como “Medidas desesperadas levam a ações desesperadas”. Aziraphale também sente culpa por não ter se comportado da maneira que Crowley merecia, por não poder se entregar ao abraço e ao beijo, já que ele também desejava isso. O problema era Metatron ali ao lado e eles estavam sendo vigiados de perto.

Se Crowley tem medo de perder Aziraphale, Aziraphale também tem esse sentimento. Ele tinha ciência de que, mais cedo ou tarde, a relação deles poderia ser prejudicada devido à parceria. Foi por isso que Aziraphale, em 1967, pediu para o Crowley diminuir a velocidade da relação deles, e não se referia ao carro, mas sim à sua tendência imediatista. Aziraphale queria evitar para não serem descobertos, para não colocar Crowley em perigo. Além de Aziraphale, que foi roubado novamente e se separou contra sua vontade, Crowley atribuiu a separação entre eles… “Nenhum Rouxinol” da mesma forma que Aziraphale fez com Crowley no 1×06 “Acabou!” Durante as discussões, eles acabam se machucando. Eles são a bomba nuclear da comunicação e o urânio que alimenta essa bomba carrega os traumas do céu e do inferno. A comunicação e a segurança eram imprescindíveis para isso, e mesmo vivendo o > lado deles < desde o final do 1x06 e longe dos sistemas nos últimos 4 anos, a comunicação é algo totalmente novo e eles não têm conhecimento sobre como lidar. Pessoas feridas machucam outras pessoas, mesmo que nunca tenham essa intenção.

Crowley agora está de coração congelado. Ele cai de novo e desce mais fundo no trauma e no escuro ele não enxerga nada.

Aziraphale é a LUZ de Crowley, da mesma forma que Crowley é a LUZ de Aziraphale.

Em meio à escuridão, Crowley se esforçará para se proteger, pois não deseja mais se machucar, está preso ao passado e não consegue se concentrar no presente. Ele não tem esperança, expectativas e nem fé em si para acreditar no outro. O medo de sofrer mantém o coração fechado. Aziraphale retornará para conversar, explicar melhor o que aconteceu, implorar para que Crowley não se esqueça deles, tenham confiança novamente em si e solicitar ajuda em relação ao Armagedom, mas Crowley não quer saber, ao estar cansado de procurar o motivo de tudo isso, o motivo do Grande Plano e do Armagedom. Ele se afastará de Aziraphale e fará de tudo para negar, sabendo que não conseguirá resistir a isso por muito tempo, uma vez que, no fundo da escuridão, ainda existe uma LUZ, a LUZ que é a parte de Aziraphale que está dentro dele.

Aziraphale teve que seguir e está determinado a vencer. Ele não queria nada disso, mas foi ameaçado com Crowley e obrigado a escolher o café. “Dê-me o Café ou Dê-me Morte” Aziraphale escolheu o café que vem a liberdade, ficar na Terra colocaria a vida dele e de Crowley em perigo extremo. Seus nomes seriam retirados do livro da vida. Metatron quer separá-los, pois os dois são uma ameaça contra o Armagedon, afinal de contas eles são Guardiões da humanidade, da Terra, do Universo.

A natureza de Aziraphale é amar, é ser guardião e essa é a sua principal essência, ele protege quem ele ama e até mesmo quem lhe fez mal e isso não é sinal de fraqueza, mas sim uma questão de ser bondoso com os outros e de agir conforme o que é correto. Aziraphale retorna ao céu machucado, de coração partido. Segue com os traumas do passado, seus demônios internos se manifestarão e ele precisará aprender a lidar com eles, com garra e coragem. Aziraphale tem que manter a persistência para enfrentar as grandes dificuldades que estão por vir. Ele acredita que conseguirá a liberdade necessária que eles precisam. Apesar de estar longe, é nos seus pensamentos em Crowley que o caminho se iluminará, é essa LUZ que Aziraphale encontrará para manter as forças e superar as dificuldades. Ele não pode desistir. É por ter fé em seu Deus Crowley que ele continuará, é pela Terra que é a casa deles, é pela proteção todas as criações do Crowley. Se o armagedom acontecer, tudo isso irá sumir e Aziraphale jamais permitirá.

Creio que Aziraphale terá que lidar com os seus demônios mais cedo que Crowley na season 03. Ele perceberá que este ciclo é autodestrutivo e, se Crowley permanecer nessa situação, ele se perderá de vez. Eles são o complemento um do outro e se não existir isso, nada existirá. Azi compreenderá os seus traumas e mudará a forma como vê o passado, refletindo sobre o presente e tendo perspectivas melhores para o futuro. Ele já tem essa ideia em mente e aprenderá a moldar isso nessa jornada. Aziraphale sabe que Crowley tem traumas devido à queda e, se pudesse tirar essa dor, já o teria feito. Azirapahle terá uma nova perspectiva em relação às suas dores, permitindo uma compreensão mais aprofundada do sofrimento de Crowley, uma vez que ele está maximizando os seus traumas, sem perspectivas de melhoria para si mesmo, a não ser sofrimento e punição.

Individualmente e juntos, eles crescerão, terão consciência de suas dores, aprenderão a lidar com elas e se concentrarão no agora, mantendo-se no presente e isolando os problemas do passado, focando apenas nas coisas boas que merecem. O tão esperado abraço entre eles será o ponto chave, um dos maiores momentos de entrega “Eu sinto você me sentindo.” Sinto cada micromolécula do seu corpo, eu sinto você. E você também percebe me sentindo. As barreiras que impedem a percepção do que realmente merecem não existirão, só vai existir espaço para o amor, para o “nós” que sempre esteve lá, na felicidade e na dor, mas que dessa vez ressoará completamente. Eles são a CHAVE um do outro.

[ao3feed-ineffablehusbandz]

Fall For You

by SporadicReader

Gabriel forces the angel Crowley to break up with Azirapahle by threaten to ensure that her soulmate would Fall if she wouldn’t. Because Crowley is neither capable of seeing her love Fall nor breaking her heart, she chooses to Fall, which causes Aziraphale to forget her and their memories. How long will it take until they meet again?

Words: 1089, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F

Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens), Gabriel (Good Omens), Sandalphon (Good Omens), Satan | Lucifer (Good Omens)

Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens)

Additional Tags: Ineffable Wives | Female Aziraphale/Female Crowley (Good Omens), Female Crowley (Good Omens), Female Aziraphale (Good Omens), Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Protective Crowley (Good Omens), Angel Crowley (Good Omens), Fallen Angel Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Hates Gabriel (Good Omens), Crowley has Trauma from the Fall (Good Omens), Soulmates, Angst, Loss, Memory Loss, True Love, Love at First Sight, Lost Love

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/25108633

[ao3feed-goodomens]

Fall For You

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3e3qhrk

by SporadicReader

Gabriel forces the angel Crowley to break up with Azirapahle by threaten to ensure that her soulmate would Fall if she wouldn’t. Because Crowley is neither capable of seeing her love Fall nor breaking her heart, she chooses to Fall, which causes Aziraphale to forget her and their memories. How long will it take until they meet again?

Words: 1089, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F

Characters: Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale (Good Omens), Gabriel (Good Omens), Satan | Lucifer (Good Omens)

Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens)

Additional Tags: Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Protective Crowley (Good Omens), Angel Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Hates Gabriel (Good Omens), Crowley has Trauma from the Fall (Good Omens), Soulmates, Self-Destruction, Angst, Loss, Memory Loss, True Love, Love at First Sight, Lost Love, Ineffable Wives | Female Aziraphale/Female Crowley (Good Omens), Female Crowley (Good Omens), Female Aziraphale (Good Omens)

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3e3qhrk