#Cunk on Everything

[catinfroghat]

Philomena Cunk lore drop

[callmekamel]

Philomena Cunk the Wonderous Time Lord

I rewatched Cunk on Earth recently and thought: "Oh she would make a great Time Lord wouldn't she? She flies across the universe and crashes the planet Earth or sth"

Then I saw this Cunk x Doctor Who fic on AO3 and it was wonderful!! Inspired me to draw for 5 hours straight. Philomena Cunk across time and space in costumes!!!

[skipp3r]

Please stop liking this its over

[theeluisifer]

"Loads of people think Frankenstein is the name of the monster. But it's not. It's the name of the book." - Philomena Cunk, Wisest of All Thinkers

[shoobydoo]

*judas gasping for air in the other corner of the room*

[harpsichord42]

realisation today

[r3m-ster]

my history teacher. miss information

[diane-morgan]

[lady-ashfade]

Vs Cunk. Pt.1

Kaz brekker vs Cunk!reader.

Alina Starkov vs Cunk!reader

Warnings: Sexual themes, cunk sense of humor, kaz being done, Paul, me just having a laugh.

Part one. Part two.

@wrapperpaper who gave me the idea. And @rorygilmoreclown who made one and had me laughing.

Y/n sitting in a chair across kaz who was forced to be there: Who are you?

Kaz: I thought you already knew? That’s the whole point of this “interview”

Y/n nods and cheeks off a box on the paper: Hmm, kaz right? They said you’re like a biting little dog.

Kaz: Little dog? Who says that, I’ll have you know I am the bastard of-

Y/n: I don’t care what your mother, it’s okay to be bedded out of wedlock. But that’s not why you’re here today.

Kaz tightens his jaw and clinched his hands together.

Y/n: So, you had the firepox?

Kaz tenses up: Yes. What does that matter?

Y/n: Is that why you cover up? How bad are the burns? I bet you’re glad they didn’t get your face.

Kaz confused: Burns- It’s not actually fire.

Y/n: Oh really? Interesting. Then why call it firepox? It’s like the chickenpox, what has that to do with chickens?

Kaz rolls his eyes and doesn’t answer.

Y/n: I can see you’re annoyed and the others told me you’re like that all the time. Is it because you can’t touch others and sleep with them?

Kaz titles his head: Are you asking about my ability to be intimate? I can tell you that’s not why, and don’t continue that road.

Y/n: My mate Paul can’t go a week without having a good wank, or to visit a brothel. I once walked in on him and I was scarred for life. I mean the sounds alone were like a demonic pig-

Kaz standing: This is over.

Y/n: I didn’t even finish- *Looks at the camera* He’s a charmer.

Y/n looking around and walking to the a room in the palace: I feel like I’ve died and ended up in a saints fever dream. *Takes a sit in front of alina* What are you?

Alina taken aback: I’m Alina starkov, the sun summoner.

Y/n nods with a impressed face: Well thank you for giving us the sun.

Alina: I didn’t give you the sun- I just have powers.

Y/n: Could you give me the sun? Who does it belong to now? What would I have to pay?

Alina shakes her head: I didn’t create the sun, that’s what they just call me.

Y/n disappointed: Oh..Then why are you where?

Aline: I was told this was a interview.

Y/n nods and go to more questions: What is “The summoner”

Alina: I have power of light, I can tear down the fold- I don’t know to explain it to you.

Y/n: So you’re a walking candlestick? Do you have to light yourself each time, or can you just turn it on?

Alina laughs nervously: It just happened, it’s within me. And I’m a little more then a candle.

Y/n hums: My mate Paul once lit himself on fire once, but it just burnt his feet off. I think he was trying to make a pretty show, not sure really.

Alina covers her mouth: I’m sorry to hear that.

Y/n: Yeah….*Stares at the floor in silence*

Alina confused and what is happen, she looks around the room.

Y/n snaps out of it: Are you more like a lamppost? Because that’s worth alot, would you be interested in working for me? I sometimes can’t see when I go outside at night.

Alina stunned.

Should I make more?

[boudoirmood]

[catinfroghat]

Philomena Cunk becoming popular suddenly is soooo surreal because I was obsessed with her back in 2018 I even bought the book so here are a few entries:

[bramwellbern]

[9puppiesdrowninginapool]

based on my friend not remembering her name, he referred to philomena cunk as ophelia supercunt. and it hasn’t left me

[dysfunkshunale]

[squigglyoctosquigglez]

i made a philomena cunk cardboard cutout

its not full size (im 4'10 and slightly taller than it) and it was already challenging the size of my room floor but it can jumpscare people walking into my room so it does its job

[rorygilmoreclown]

Cunk on Ketterdam (pt.2)

Nikolai x Cunk

A/n: took me months didn't this. I also just know that Nikolai would most likely end up broke and in dept in monopoly (just like Ravka)

Word count: 700 something

Cunk: I've been told that you are the king of Ravka and hence I should ask you respectable questions only. I hope you know that I won't be sticking to that tale. I'm somewhat rebellious.

Nikolai: I didn't expect any less.

Cunk: So Nikolai, you are on the king level right? So what's next on the ranking? What's the next level?

Nikolai: There is no next level. This is it.

Cunk: That's a boring video game then isn't it. You should stop playing. But I suppose you have the side quest of trying to be a parakeet to keep you invested.

Nikolai: What? I'm not trying to be a parakeet?! I think you mean privateer.

Cunk: With all due respect, I know what I'm talking about, please don't kinsplain it to me. I also think that you are doing a horrible job at trying to be a parakeet. Okay, next question. They say 'all roads lead to Ravka,' but have you considered putting up some road signs just to be sure?

Nikolai: I don't know who they are but sure, I'll put up signs everywhere.

Cunk: Do you think you would add audio signs since your parakeet friends can't read?

Nikolai: I don't have any parakeet friends, and my privateer friends know how to read anyways.

Cunk: That's a bit sad innit? Anyways I've heard you've got quite the head for strategy. Have you ever considered applying your tactical genius to a game of Monopoly? Those battles can get brutal. I have to warn you.

Nikolai: (Already asking his staff to get it for him)

Cunk: If you were to throw a kingdom-wide party, what would be your go-to dance move? The 'Royal Rumba' or the 'Monarch Mambo'?

Nikolai: That's a clever one, i see what you did there. However I refuse to speak on the topics of my kingdom's hierarchical structure.

Cunk: Man, you are not the person I'd take to any party. So tell me Nikolai, being a king must come with a lot of perks. Do you get a 'royal discount' on those fancy robes, or do you just use coupons like the rest of us?

Nikolai: I actually had this tailor by my staff.

Cunk: You make being a king sound almost lavish. (Talking to her crew: Find me a place to establish my rule and become a king would you?)

Nikolai: I could just give you my tailor? Ruling a kingdom just for clothes would be expensive.

Cunk: Speaking about ruling the kingdom, they say 'behind every great king is a great advisor.' So, who's your go-to person for deciding which socks to wear?

Nikolai: Agastya Yu. That's my socks choosing staff. Cunk: Well, they are doing a good job. (Pointing to his seagull themed socks)

Cunk: If you were stranded on a deserted island with only one Grisha power, which one would it be? I hear controlling seagulls can be quite handy.

Nikolai: I'm not sure that that's an actual power, although being a squaller might have an advantage.

Cunk: Isn't that what I just said? Power of controlling the seagulls.

Nikolai: (Entertaining all the whimsicalness at this point) Yes ofcourse.

Cunk: Talking about your trauma, rumor has it that you've faced some pretty monstrous creatures. How do you handle them? I'm asking for a friend, Mark, he's so terrified of garden gnomes these days. Poor boy can't even go out on his lawn.

Nikolai: (He thinks he's clever by deflecting this one) Why does he have garden gnomes and how as well, if he's so scared of them?

Cunk: No one just has garden gnomes Nikolai. They appear on their own. (To the crew: Had he been living under a rock?)

Cunk: That's it, I'm giving you my presentation on humanity next week. Be ready. This boy clearly knows nothing about the real world now does he.

Stay tuned for the next interview with the famous chef inej ghafa.