#Damn evil doppelgangers at it again

[fazedlight]

Plus One (Lena goes to Barry's wedding)

“I have to attend this friend’s wedding…” Kara said shyly. “Do you want to be my plus one?”

Lena glanced over, feeling a small blush creep up her cheeks. Where is this going?, she thought hopefully. “Sure,” Lena replied.

“It’s, uh- so my friend’s a superhero. It’s on another Earth. If you’re comfortable with that,” Kara said.

… there are other Earths? I can go to another Earth?! “Wow,” Lena said, “You really do know all the superheroes.”

Kara smiled awkwardly. “Feel free to think about it.”

“I’ll go,” Lena said. “I’d love to see another Earth.”

---------

Two things were true.

One, Lena was extremely annoyed that Kara had carried her away from the fight - abandoning her on a nearby roof - when the attack in the church first broke out.

Two, Lena was kicking herself. Of course Kara Danvers is Supergirl.

---------

“I can take you home. I don’t want you to get caught up in this,” Kara said, glancing over at Lena.

“I’d rather stay,” Lena said, as she glanced around STAR Labs. “I might be useful.”

“In hand-to-hand combat-”

“I can take care of myself.”

Kara glanced over, as Lena crossed her arms and met Kara’s gaze. “Okay,” Kara relented. “You can stay. But you need to stay here with Iris and Felicity-”

“We found them,” Oliver shouted at Kara, “Let’s go.”

Kara nodded, as Lena tried to get her attention. “Kara, wait-”

“I’ll be back soon,” Kara said, as she left.

---------

Kara’s body ached as she struggled against the power-dampening collar wrapped around her neck. She glanced towards Barry and Oliver, seeing the worry in their eyes as Sara barked back at their nazi captors, as Jax and Stein struggled fruitlessly against their bindings.

Her heart raced as she stared at her doppelganger, wondering how long it would be before her heart was pounding in a different chest instead. I should’ve taken Lena back to Earth-38, she thought to herself, if she ends up stranded on Earth-1…

“Let me go!” came a voice, shouting. 

Kara’s face snapped to her right, where she saw one of the masked soldiers dragging in a familiar brunette. No no no, Kara though, Lena-

“She was found lurking outside,” the guard said, throwing Lena to the floor. Lena’s hands were tied in front of her, another powercuff collar around her neck. Lena glanced up at Kara.

This is my fault, she’s going to die because of me, Kara panicked. But there was something oddly unsettling about Lena’s expression - a calm that didn’t make sense. Lena shuffled off the ground, throwing Kara a damn wink, which confused Kara enough that she almost didn’t notice Lena’s hands beginning to glow.

“What’s happening?” Kara’s nazi counterpart demanded, as the bindings around everyone’s wrists and necks disappeared.

“Oh,” Lena said, with a slight smirk as she rose off the ground. “Powercuffs don’t affect witches.”

The other heroes jumped again to their feet, Oliver grabbing at his arrows, Jax and Stein becoming Firestorm again. Lena turned towards Overgirl. “I wonder if magic affects evil kryptonians.”

---------------------------------------------------------------

This started off as a 9-word story for the recent ask game, but then I got carried away? The original was:

Lena’s hands began to glow. “Powercuffs don’t stop witches.”

[alex31624]

Duck Comic Reading Club Week 8: Dangerous Disguise

Ok, I'm finally finishing up the week 8 reviews. Let's go right away into Dangerous Disguise, is my first Carl Barks reading and I sure that is going to be greaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?

Humans? Regular, everyday, no question about it, humans? What the hell man? This is not right, no, no, no. Also...

Where in Dismal Downs are they? Crime Villa? Is this place safe for the babies?

Gosh… everything here seriously creep me out… anyway…

Imagine how mad Scrooge was at Donald and the babies that he actually sent them to another country. That crazy old bird is a pro hater.

After Donald mentioned the spies, HDL went crazy about it. They started seen spies in every corner, and drove Donald insane. In this situation, I have to be on Donald side, kids can be annoying.

I'm a grown man, and if that guy starts talking to me, I'd run to another city, but Donald thinks it's a good idea to help this stranger hiding under a pier.

Turns out that Donald passed a secret message to Madame Triple-X, professional spy. Spy that buries the message in front of witnesses that later recover that said message.

The kids show the message to Donald that takes the obvious choice, confront the spy.

Don, buddy, you're not PK here. Call the police.

Donald and the kids took the train directly to Chiliburgueria, just to realize that Madame Triple-X is in a plane to the same destination. Bad luck.

But the surprises are far from over.

Another spy is ready to take down the Ducks. But, do not worry, Huey has a plan…

He killed him.

Huey killed him.

Look at this. Look at it. That guy is dead, is deader than my dreams of Ducktales season 4.

Well, for reasons, Madame Triple-X is now in the Ducks' wagon. Donald tries to steal her purse, only to be discovered, and he and the boys are thrown out of the train. Luckily, they fell on a pond.

The kids complain, but Donald was one step ahead, because he now has Madame Triple-X's purse.

They now can make some lunch.

Madame Triple-X is also thrown out of the train, and is once again, face to face with our heroes.

And she proceeds to...

Oh, for duck sake!

Guys, the lunch thing was a joke! Don't eat the salami sandwich the evil spy offers to you!

And of course the sandwich put the Ducks to sleep. And of course Donald's neck fell directly on the tracks.

Thank God, the trainmen strike saves Donald.

Lucky.

The Ducks steal the train and arrive to Chiliburgueria where they find Donaldo.

So, Donaldo is a bullfighter, therefore, I hate him. I'm against that barbarism wrongly named culture.

But, the guy was taken down by his doppelganger, and treated by evil ten-years-old triplets. What a day.

Donald took Donaldo's place in order to capture Madame Triple-X, and I wonder…

Donaldo has the same voice impediment that Donald has? They look identical but, the voice… Donald voice is the most recognizable voice ever.

And back to the looks one second, how is that Donaldo looks exactly like Donald? I think Quackmore has a lot to explain.

After a bullfight where, thankfully, no bull was harm, Donald finally convinces Madame Triple-X that he's the spy. Only for Donaldo to break free and end the charade.

But then…

Madame Triple-X was a secret secret service member all along! And she almost fail her mission, because those damn Ducks.

Donaldo then, jump through the window. No second thought about it.

The Ducks then came back to Crime Villa to enjoy their vacation.

What can I said about this one? It was weird, and fun, and crazy, and stupid, and I loved it.

More of this, please.

[averseunhinged]

it's wip wednesday again and i've been working on slogging my way through finishing things, one agonizing paragraph at a time. however! i think i finally unpacked the last of my notebooks and found this. idk when i'll get back to it. i have a pretty solid amount of it written, know where it's going and how it ends, but there's a middle bit i'm still not sure how to do.

it's canon divergence from the prom episode on, with klaus and caroline and silas's twisty machinations.

“How are you putting Shane in my head? It's, like, an illusion, right? And I'm the only one who can see it. So, you must be getting it from somewhere, but is that really him, or are you what my brain thinks an evil college professor would look like?” Caroline frowned as she thought back over the past months. “I don't think I met him.”

“No,” Silas said. “You do tend to have your own separate storyline, for better or worse.”

She blinked and reared her head back. “Excuse me?”

“Never mind. The hybrid is very fond of you. You weren't a player in my game until now, but your mind has a fascinating complexity.”

Caroline bared her teeth in a cruel parody of her pageant smile. “Please tell me you're not flirting with me by reading my mind. There is so much wrong with that, I can’t even begin to get into it, and I already have one morally bankrupt megalomaniac to manage. I do not need a second constant disappointment.”

“You're mean,” Silas said pleasantly with a quiet laugh. “In all those legends, they only ever spoke of my love’s sweetness and beauty, but a handmaiden wasn’t a servant. They were friends, companions–close as sisters. Qetsiyah had loved me from childhood, but my darling girl didn't care. She was greedy and wanted me for herself. She wanted me, eternity, and the world as well. I only want her. Stop worrying I'm going to be like Damon.”

“Not super-thrilled about you hanging out in my head.” She crosed her arms over her bodice, the beading digging into her skin and the corset constricting her ribcage.

“Are you super-thrilled about anything to do with me?” he asked with a surprising dry humor. “You don't give a damn about the cure. You never did. Don't deny it.” He held up one hand to quiet her when she tried to protest. “I'm in your head. I know your little, secret shames. The only thing that matters to you about any of this is the number of unnecessary deaths. No, I don't mean your witches.”

Silas moved to her, step by slow, even step. She would not move back, wouldn't show that much weakness, even if he could pluck the fear of the closeness of his body right out of her mind.

“I said secret shames. You wear the witches where everyone can see, because you think you’re supposed to. It's the others you hide. You're glad the hybrids are dead. They hurt you, stole away the boy you thought you loved. Plotted without your knowledge, because they didn’t trust you to agree to your hybrid's permanent incapacitation, and made you confront the envious, jealous, hateful beast he can be long before you were ready. And the council of fanatical imbeciles? You may have known them all your life, but it didn't stop them from hurting you. Do you have any idea what they planned for you? Experiments, Caroline. Supposedly to advance modern medicine, but in truth, humans love having an excuse to hurt something.

“It's certainly not the hunter boy I ate, because deep down inside, you know he got what was coming to him. Face it: it's your hybrid's brother and every last one of his line you mourn, because you might not be sweet, and you might not be kind, but you have a just heart. You know it was wrong. An entire line. Do you want a number? Do you want to know how many that boy and his sister murdered? No?”

Caroline tried to back away from him, his rapid-fire recitation chipping away at her bravery. He cupped his hands around her bare shoulders and held her in place in a gentle, but unyielding grip.

“Over seventeen thousand. That is the sort of atrocity a doppelganger is capable of, addled by a sire bond or not. Kol was prolific and his children followed suit. You wouldn't know the sort of vampires he created, but I have to admit, I think they were my favorites. He turned libertines. Actors and singers. Cyprians and courtesans. The makers of his favorite spirits. Particularly creative chefs. Like calls to like, of course, and when the time came, they sired more of their own. A line of hedonists who lived for a good time. For joy. For fun. All dead in the search for my prison. No wonder you contain so little sympathy for the Gilberts. You should have killed the girl when you had the chance."

She struggled against his hold in earnest. He gave her shoulders a fatherly pat and let her go, but her dress was heavy and awkward, and her heels weren't made for the uneven terrain of the woods.

"Whoops!" He steadied her when she tripped and nearly fell backwards, one hand around her upper arm, the other on her shoulder. "Sorry about the inappropriate apparel, but there's a time and place for everything."

"You couldn't have kidnapped me earlier, when I was wearing flats?" she complained.

"Afraid not. Like I said, it’s all about timing. I’ve had eons to plan. Don’t worry so much. Your disappearance has already been noticed.”

She didn’t want to admit how much of a relief it was to know she hadn’t been forgotten. Fury rising at her own pathetic, needy anxiety, she demanded, "Why are you being so nice to me? You've been terrorizing everyone for weeks! You made Klaus maul himself. I had to dig around in his back with pliers! And I know you were torturing him while you looked like me."

"Do you think you'd be happier if you were uglier, Caroline?" Silas asked conversationally, ignoring her question. "I know you wonder why people always want you, but they never, ever love you. You're clever, though. You've turned being underestimated into an art form."

Her mouth fell open in shock. "I have not! I'm not--it's not--"

"Manipulative? On purpose? I'm in your head," he reminded her. "You can be honest with me. It was so easy to get to him while I looked like you. Of course, that's not entirely your doing. The curse, killing his father, his mother pretending to love him, family no longer willing to endure his abuse. He's been turned around and tied in knots until he'd do nearly anything for a kind word from you. I cupped his face in your hands, and he nearly broke apart into pieces. So desperate for your gentle touch. Asleep and awake, he dreams of you. The fantasies that torment him the most aren't the ones of your body that make him take himself in hand." Silas leaned closer to her, nearly nose to nose. His borrowed brown eyes were dark and terrifying in their gentle, knowing sincerity. "He doesn't want to long for a life with you, of travel and family, home and love, but he does, Caroline. You can't fathom the atrocities he would commit in your name. The degradation he'd endure for your approval, for the blessing of the only god he knows."

"Let me go," she insisted, panicked and shrill. "Let me go!"

When he did, she pushed him back and bent over to unbuckle her shoes. It was a relief to drop them carelessly, even though her stockings would be ruined. She hadn't had any illusions about this being the perfect night she'd constructed for years, but it was destroyed beyond anything she could have planned for.

"I could help you with your hair," Silas offered. "You've barely noticed, but the pins are digging into your scalp."

She dropped her second shoe and stood up, clenching her hands into fists to stop their trembling. "Does that mean I'm not going to prom at all?"

"I can't be sure." He shrugged and admitted, "I don't think so, but I've been wrong before."

[heavensmortuary]

PLEASE let me know what you think of possession whenever you watch it.....it's one of my favorite movies and i wanna know...

JUST WATCHED IT... sorry for the long long wall of text I just have thoughts before I knock out so my apologies if this doesn't make any damn sense LMAO

it's something else man, just the sheer like. it's so visceral and uncomfortable. spine twister kinda movie. the camera just. super nauseously moving in and out of the characters faces and spinning around the room and. GOSH. the way scenes cut off abruptly. made me feel like uhhhh when you're in that miserable state that's like. when you're falling asleep and like. awake dreaming? except with nightmares. I know it's a cliche, I just don't know how else to describe the abruptness. it just doesn't feel like an 80s movie; not that it's modern or anything, it's just it's own thing. it's cold and alien in it's brutal way and after watching I was briefly considering waking up my sister to at least talk to someone warm hearted LMAO. this isnt negative, it's just that intense.

technical stuff aside. gosh. the monster is one of the scariest things I've seen honestly. it doesn't have this like uh. how do I describe. recognizable? as could be friendly but isnt (like the monster from The Hatching), or on the other end it could be like an animal without morals (like the xenomorph) like an animal and exempt from mortality. It isn't either of these things; it's evil and terrifying and uncanny. alien and yeah, demonic in a way a lotta shit doesn't feel (not bashing at all, but a movie like The Conjuring wouldn't have a demon that *feels* the same way the demon from Possession makes me feel). It demands everything of Anna.

and just the couple themselves. it would feel like an understatement to say they're broken; every conflict feels like what it's like to be in a manic, frantic state uncontrolled into a mental breakdown and its!!! distressing, spit-flying rage they have and yet they cannot be apart because "I can't exist by myself because I'm afraid of myself, because I'm the maker of my own evil"

She gives birth (?) in turn to a new Mark by sleeping with the creature to make it whole, the own trauma she creates and Mark (not uncanny Mark but scary Mark all the same) being driven to hurt her and to kill Heinrich, and being crazed in his love for Anna's decidedly idealized doppelganger. It's A Lot. The damage they both cause spins outward visualized by the deterioration of their own apartment, and then the bystander trauma caused to Bob, him knowing itll be UNBEARABLE to go through the cycle AGAIN...it broke my heart and the ending scene is just horrific.

the movie is disgusting and visceral and I could use a lot of cool words for bloody, gross, and nasty, but overall it's beautiful in it's terrifying way. makes me think of picking gravel out of my palms. really good movie, I gotta chew on it a bit

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

S/o comes home with a mirror that doesn’t show reflections but when the boys look in the mirror a evil version of them pops out and starts cause chaos

Undertale Sans - Ok. Bye mirror. He throws the whole thing by the window then watches it smash in a million pieces on the concrete, eating popcorn. Thank you very much, he doesn't need an evil twin to be chaotic.

Undertale Papyrus - Uh... He's not sure what to do??? Evil Papyrus is demolishing his kitchen and all he can do is stare because when he called Undyne to report he has an evil twin now, she screamed that it is 3 a.m. and to go to sleep because he has insomnia hallucinations again. And a part of him wants to believe it. But... Uh... His kitchen is still getting destroyed? He quickly knocks out his evil self in the hope Undyne is right to make it shut up, then puts him in one of his traps in the garden (with a blanket in case it's not a hallucination). He then goes back to sleep. In the morning, the hallucination is gone, never to be seen again. Somehow, Papyrus is still not sure he made the right choice.

Underswap Sans - He's challenging the doppelganger to a one-on-one fight for the right to be the real Blue. Where it gets very awkward is when the evil Blue wins and now neither of them is sure of what to do. I mean, the evil Blue tried to lock him in the mirror, but, uh, that didn't work. Now what.

Underswap Papyrus - He screams in fear, then runs out of the house, screaming to eat Blue first. Once he's far away, his brain blacks out and he passes out in the bushes. He hopes it was all a dream when he wakes up, until he finds his evil twin eating HIS breakfast with Blue as he is locked outside, staring at him in the eyes. He gasps.

Underfell Sans - He stands back, growling at the other him who just got out of the mirror. Is this a stupid prank? He's not that gullible you know! He's not stupid enough to fight his own reflection. He screams that if he sees the camera, you're dead. Red is pissed off and ignores his evil twin. He locks it up in the bathroom too. S/O did this so S/O will deal with this as well. He's out of here.

Underfell Papyrus - He gives his evil self one angry stare before he attacks with all he has. That's his home and he's unique! He's going to fight for his honor. He's mad. That thing ruined his day and he's going to complain about it for days and days just because he can! Also, this mirror is getting smashed to pieces.

Horrortale Sans - Basically:

As soon as he's getting jumpscared, he fists the mirror with so much force the thing explodes in a million pieces. When he gets out of there, he's all puffed up like a spooked cat, all jumpy. He comes to cuddle against S/O to calm down. He doesn't want to know what it was.

Horrortale Papyrus - He's not happy about this, but he can't do anything as his evil twin has a way better back than he has. Willow tries to stop him, desperately, but the damn thing won't listen and keeps outrunning him, which is making Willow crankier and crankier. Eventually, Willow snaps, and suddenly runs towards the thing on all four at a terrifying speed, then bites its head off, dusting it. He then spits on the floor as his jaw is all dusty now. After that, he goes home like nothing happened. Not today, demon.

Swapfell Sans - He screams, pushes his brother against his evil twin, and runs out of the house. That's out of his jurisdiction, he's not going to fight that thing. He's calling an exorcist.

Swapfell Papyrus - It doesn't work as, as soon as the entity sees Rus, they know they can't compete with his chaotic energy. The evil twin salutes Rus and disappears in thin air. Uh. That was weird. Rus thinks he's just hallucinating because he's still feeling sleepy. Better go back to bed.

Fellswap Gold Sans - He's fighting the demon until he manages to tie him up. He then drags it to S/O and asks them to explain what the hell is this and how to get rid of it. S/O has no idea so he just sends the thing to Undyne so that freak can have fun experimenting with all her fantasies on some random version of himself. It's too early for him to try to understand more.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - He does what he does best: pretends nothing happened and then goes to hide in his closet until S/O or his brother realizes something is very wrong and takes care of it. He's not brave enough for this, leave him alone, please.

[aladaylessecondblog]

light glimmers in a flower (good tav x gortash 7)

One week, and then two. Then four.

Tav had been placed under strict orders to ensure she bonded properly with Cald, that she was rested, and that any lingering damage from the birth was healed fully. Two weeks of confinement to the fortress, and six before any attempt should be made to resume marital relations.

Not, she thought sourly, That THAT will be a problem.

As she pulled a fresh sleeping gown over Cald's head she thought again of Gortash.

He'd spoken little to her since their argument. Had he been any other man she would have thought he was merely being considerate, perhaps heeding the midwives' orders, but him being...well, him, she knew better. Now she'd served her purpose, he didn't want her.

Tav reached a finger down, let Cald's tiny hand grip at it, and smiled.

He was a marvel, this little one. His movements had been a little jerky at first, but Berlina had said that was normal. He was already starting to raise his head on his own and bringing his hands closer to his mouth. She was tired, so achingly tired, but she hardly want to take her eyes off him. The rocking chair had been a blessing in that regard--she would often nod off holding him.

As she had now.

She only realized it when she felt someone attempting to take the babe from her, and automatically held him closer. Her eyes snapped open--

It was Gortash.

Her fear shifted to a strange mix of annoyance and grief, which she quickly masked over as she handed Cald to him.

"You should sleep, my lady." He took a step back, and gestured toward her bed with his free hand.

"I'll need to feed him again soon," Tav replied sleepily. She yawned and rubbed her eyes. "Or I would."

"Is the wet nurse not doing her job?"

"I didn't hire one."

"So you will spend everything for those unwashed refugees but nothing for your own son?"

"I don't call this nothing. There's no NEED for me to spend extra money on a wet nurse when I'm perfectly capable of taking care of him myself." It was another jab, but--after so much time without him, she thought it was simply the price of his company. This was what they were now, after all, right? She had given him what he needed, so there was no longer a need for him to pretend he wanted anything to do with her. She was almost glad. Had he continued in the same way as before, Tav was certain she may have started feeling more than she ought, considering the evil he was responsible for.

Fooled by pretty words...did you not do the same with me? Astarion's voice asked her. Poor thing, so hungry for affection you will believe any lie whispered in your ears.

"You are a Duchess, not some common child's mother. Certain things will be expected of you, and one of those will be not falling asleep when you re-enter society."

"That I don't yet need to do," she replied, "And we will cross that bridge when we come to it."

Gortash huffed. "You'll be doing it soon, so you should arrange for it within a tenday."

"I can't--"

"You can."

"I don't want to lose him to a doppelganger!" she burst out, finally. "Every time I think of letting anyone else handle him without me present I--I imagine that bloodthirsty bitch and what she or those Bhaalists would do if--if--"

He looked stunned.

"They were spreading pieces of that circus clown all over the damn city, what they'd have done with--a--a baby, I..."

Tav forced herself to take a few deep breaths, and was able to keep herself from shedding tears. She watched Gortash, as he let the sleepy Cald grab at the fingers of his gauntlet.

At least he will be good to the child.

"But as you wish, Archduke. I'll have a wet nurse hired."

"You could have said that more nicely," he finally replied. "I was under the impression the Bhaalists were...dealt with. There should be nothing to worry about further, on that head...though of course, checks can be done."

"There is ALWAYS something to worry about." Tav sat back in the chair. "Always."

"Clearly you've no end of--" Gortash suddenly tensed up and gave a slight yelp.

"What's wrong?"

"Static," he said, pulling his finger back from Cald and giving his hand a few shakes, as if trying to get something off it. "Given the way you have him wrapped up, it doesn't surprise me."

"That blanket is entirely cotton, it shouldn't--" Tav shook her head. She couldn't think of much more to say, not wanting to sound defiant, lest...

Lest he take away everything he's given you, Astarion's voice came again.

He will act only in his own self-interest, Halsin's voiced joined in. Mark my words, your days with him are numbered.

No, she thought, No, I'm still useful to him, he won't.

He has the means to provide for a cub on his own. Why does he need you?

The idea of losing Cald to a doppelganger was bad enough, but the idea that Gortash would take him from her was somehow worse.

"What," she said quietly, "Or...when, rather, do you wish me to re-enter society? Is there an event I need to attend with you?"

"A soiree celebrating the birth of my son and heir two tendays from now," Gortash replied. He looked down and let Cald take hold of his finger again. "You need not stay long, but we will both be expected to attend...and I imagine there will be a few who question you regarding your view of a son."

"He is no different to me than a daughter would be. I have only ever behaved that way when dealing with--troublesome male drow I ended up fighting. They could claim themselves to be hardened warriors all they like, but deference to a female is virtually ingrained in their souls."

Gortash was silent for a moment, as Cald seemed to be waking up. The boy clenched at his finger and brought it forward, into his mouth, gumming at it for a moment before beginning to cry.

"You see? Hungry." Tav stood tiredly, and moved closer, "Mama's coming, little one."

The babe's head turned in her direction and he calmed down almost the moment he was in her arms.

He looked up at her with his little red eyes and babbled, "Aaaaaaaaaaa...."

"That's right, Cald. Aaaaaaaa. You are inferior to nobody," she cooed and settled back in to nurse him. "My sweet, perfect little boy...one day you will be Archduke. Maybe even a King, if your papa has anything to say about it."

Gortash watched her in silence for several minutes, and then left.

At least this time, he didn't slam the door.

--------------------------------

The wet nurse was a human woman named Meara who had made a living nursing the children of others, despite having none herself.

"I had not thought it possible," Tav said. "Is it some spell you perform on...yourself?"

"My husband, rest his soul, liked to...let us put it politely and say he liked my breasts above anything else, and after much...interest...we realized I was producing milk. The healers say this is perfectly normal when you...handle...breasts frequently. So after he died..."

"You thought it the best way to secure an income for yourself." Tav nodded. "I...there is one thing that I hope you won't take issue with, but..."

Here she explained the situation with the Bhaalists, leaving out of course that Orin had once worked with Gortash.

"I worry that they make take issue with the way they were rooted out and...well..." she took a deep breath. "I don't wish to accuse you of being a doppelganger, but my husband wants to ensure his heir is safe."

They agreed in the end that a daily cut of the thumb with a small dagger would do the trick--just enough to draw blood. A gift of a ring with an attached healing spell would be provided to ensure nothing came of this little cut, and all would be well.

And, Scratch assured her, he could smell when someone wasn't right so would be happy to lend his aid.

I'll take care of the little master, he promised, Pups need to be watched!

---------------------------------

It was anxiety-inducing to leave her quarters, to leave Cald alone with anyone, but Tav swallowed her fear and forced herself through the dressing process and the short journey to the ballroom with Gortash.

She hated how she ached to take his hand as she walked beside him, hated the way she craved even a single touch. The necessary time of rest had passed, and he was free to come to her again...but the question was there--would he? She doubted it. He had barely touched her at all since the argument, let alone proceeded beyond that.

You want to touch him, even if you get nothing in return, Halsin's voice came, for the first time in months not as hard as it had been. My heart...you deserve better.

Sex is the easiest way to keep a man happy, followed Astarion's voice. If you can get him to take it, he will undoubtedly come back to you for more.

That was it. She would have to stay in his good graces somehow, and sex was the best way to do it. Tonight. She would try tonight, once they were back in his quarters...once they were alone.

They entered the ballroom, and Tav pasted on a smile.

---------------------------------------

It was as grand and glittering as any event for the elite of Baldur's Gate ever was, and the largest part of conversation she participated in was congratulations for bearing the Archduke his heir. Gortash, it seeemed,

"Girls have just as much to offer as boys, but you know how some human men are," said one of the high elven nobles, "Always on about legacies. And such a one the Archduke is going to have! With all but the drow, of course..."

"Oh, I think we both know the Archduke knows how to deal with drow," Tav replied. When there was a round of chuckles, she went on, "My little Cald will be more than able to carry on his father's heroics. What else could he do?"

"Fall in line behind the first lady to give him a hard glare, perhaps? Some men like that, drow or no," one nobleman said. "It's only that they're more...susceptible to it."

"It's a product of their upbringing, and he won't get it from me. He is just as valuable to me as any daughter would be."

"How brave of you," another said, "It will be quite a fight to make them respect a male leader, but I can't imagine they will be much trouble...at present, anyway. So few of your people are found here."

She went to the refreshment table after the conversation concluded, having warded off any number of little statements about how brave she was, and how pleased the Archduke must be.

(Once or twice she looked over in Gortash's direction and gave him a hopeful smile; both times he merely inclined his head.)

As Tav was heading back to her seat beside him, she felt a sharp-nailed hand at her elbow.

"Lord--Szarr," she said on turning to him, voice halting, throat suddenly dry, face paling, "A pleasure."

"Indeed," he replied, "I had not expected you out so soon. The Archduke seemed to think your recovery would take longer."

"I was already recovering well, he was merely being--considerate."

Cazador stepped in front of her, and raised one of her hands to his lips. She said nothing, but inwardly was praying he'd quickly grow bored.

What happened to all your bravado? Gone. It's just as well. You can't be too careful with Cazador, my dear. Astarion's voice whispered in her mind. Remember that.

Your position is too precarious. Halsin added.

"If you are not overtired--"

Please don't...

"--perhaps I might persuade you to dance."

"I can hardly turn down an invitation here," Tav said quietly, "Now can I? It would be...quite rude."

The smile that then appeared on Cazador's face was just a little too wide, wide enough she could see the points of his teeth. "Indeed. But you know better, of course."

"Of course."

She took his hand, let herself be lead, and didn't speak again until the dance actually began.

"I can't imagine why you ask me to dance when we attend the same...events," Tav kept her voice meek, "Surely there are other young women you'd like to ask."

There was a pause, and then he spoke in a sharp tone, "Look at me when you speak. You're being very rude."

She forced herself to look up.

Be perfect and pleasant.

After a slight pause he asked, in a strangely more pleasant tone, "Tell me, before you were the Duchess...when you still loved my wayward son...how did you reconcile his behavior with that love?"

"What behavior do you mean? Being catty? He tells me he never tasted...certain things...before me."

"Oh, a very clever liar, that one. Or perhaps you were simply easy to fool." He pressed just slightly closer. "I don't mean those he drained, I mean those he brought to me."

"Those he--brought to you?" She kept her eyes on his smirking face, eager for an answer. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, Duchess..." Cazador tutted at her, and lowered his voice, "I know you know more than you let on...do you think he could have made spawn on his own?"

She didn't respond. She couldn't.

"There...are...thousands," he whispered, "Thousands, he brought me..."

Tav looked away, and remained silent.

Thousands? Really? He must be exaggerating.

And suppose he's not? Halsin's voiced asked her.

Astarion's voice remained silent. Tav found herself gulping.

"Have I told you more than you want to hear?"

"No more than I already knew."

"You're a terrible liar. You should work on that."

Another smirk. Tav again found no response.

"You seem much more subdued today," Cazador went on, "And I can only praise the improvement. Perhaps the Archduke will make a lady of you yet."

"I have tried to do him proud."

But you know you haven't, have you? You'd be in his bed already if so.

"I hope you don't refer only to the child. Any whore on the street could do that."

She remained silent for another few minutes, and stiffened on hearing him speak again.

"Nothing to say?"

"Do these insults have a purpose?" She asked after a lengthy silence, "What are you trying to do, exactly?"

"To remind you," Cazador replied as the dance concluded, as his piercing eyes met and seemed to cut straight through her own, "That you have risen quite high, but..."

Another kiss on the hand. An unsettling smile.

"You should think...how much farther you have to fall."

Tav found herself feeling momentarily faint, and only accepted the next dance from one of the other nobles out of fear Cazador might ask her for a second.

He was at least more pleasant, if also more slimy. He was another of those wishing for Gortash's favor on some matter or the other, and she muttered promises to speak to him about the issue.

She practically ran back to her seat after that.

"You look unwell," Gortash said after she'd eaten, "Perhaps this was not the best of ideas."

"It's nothing you need to be too concerned about," Tav replied in a muted tone, "I only needed to eat. I find my appetite has increased of late...your son is quite a hungry little thing."

He was silent for a long period, as they sat watching the crowds. He drained the last of a goblet of wine in front of him, then added, "I see Lord Szarr had quite a lot to say to you. Was there anything of note?"

"Only advice on how to look the part of a lady, for whatever reason." She took a deep breath. "I think he means to intimidate me."

I'm already on thin ice with him, I can't tell him more.

"They're all like that, to one degree or another."

Is that it? Is that all you have to say? Have I really fallen so far in your sight? Tav wondered to herself, No, Cazador's a threat to his power, he's GOT to do something about the man.

He would hardly share his goings-on with you, would he? Astarion's voice sounded off, Likely as not he has a plan and doesn't want you interfering. You never were particularly sneaky.

But I would want to help him, I don't understand...

Do you think he really NEEDS your help, darling? He's Archduke of Baldur's Gate, and you are the pretty thing on his arm. There is nothing you can do that he can't do better. Sad as it is to say.

I can do more than he might think.

"Yes...I'm learning that," Tav finally replied, "It would be better if we could have him as ally, I suppose, but he sees no need for allies, with that...ascension in mind."

Please, she found herself begging internally, Talk to me. I'll take anything, even an insult.

She wanted to ask what he was doing, what he had planned, but after battling it together in her head, decided against it. If she was right--if he was as done with her as he seemed, she couldn't bother him with much if she wanted to stay on his good side. He'd already talked of planning to deal with the man anyway, it wouldn't do good to prod him about it.

"You fear too much. We have this well in hand."

"Shall we say...becoming a mother has only added to my concerns," Tav said gently, "Before Cald I could be as foolish as I pleased. I lived on the road, what were a few petty dangers when it came to what lurked in my head? Perhaps I was more reckless than I should have been, but..."

She shook her head.

"But?" Gortash asked suddenly.

"But I spent so long being ready to die...that I forgot how to live." She thought of the little eyes, the grasping fingers. The way Cald had begun to look in her direction when she spoke. The way she saw danger for what it was, for all the new fears that had resulted from the birth of this little one who had stolen her heart. "And he reminded me."

Tav chanced a look at him then, and while he wasn't looking at her with that strained expression, at least he did not look angry.

"One dance," he said slowly, after having a few sips from another glass of wine, "And then I believe you'll have discharged your obligation."

"I would do more than that, if you would allow it," she replied softly, and finished her water. "Trust me."

He huffed slightly. "My lady, no one is as good as you are pretending to be. I would prefer the mask you put on before."

What surprised Tav was not that this remark hurt, but how little it did. It was nothing to his insults from before.

"It may have started a mask," she replied, taking the meek tone she'd used with Cazador, "But it has not been such for some time now. If you prefer to believe otherwise, that is your right. I ask no more of you than civility and duty demand."

The current dance they were watching ended, and he was silent until the time came for him to lead her out for the next. Seeing more than one pair of eyes on them, she pasted on a smile.

"And who taught you to keep such low expectations?"

Tav didn't answer.

[supercap2319]

This universe sucked. Somehow in his multiverse travel with America, Y/N somehow got separated from her and landed on an earth where all his friends and family were evil. He woke up in a prison cell and found a dog collar fashioned to his neck. What the hell? He tried to break it off with his super strength, but to his horror, he could not. He tried to summon his magic and blast his way out or something, but nothing happened.

"Don't bother. As long as that collar is on your neck, your powers are neutralized." Y/N turned to the deep voice and was shocked to see Steve on the other side of the bars. Only it wasn't the Steve Rogers that he knew. This doppelganger had dark hair and a gross looking mustache that made him look like a villain in an old fashioned cartoon.

"Let me guess. You're not the good guy in this world right, Captain America?" Steve chuckles. "You catch on quickly. Though, people here call me Hydra Supreme. I haven't gone by Captain America for a really long time."

"So, why am I locked up? If you let me go, I'll leave back to my earth. As soon as I find my friend and get going." Y/N said as Steve laughed again. "Oh, I'm afraid miss Chavez is currently indisposed at the moment." Y/N shot his feet. "Where is she?! Did you hurt her? I swear to God Steve I'll–"

"-You won't be doing anything my pet. You'll be a good boy and when the time is right, you shall want to please me forever and remain at my side." Steve said.

"If you try to touch me, I'll make you regret it. I mean it."

Steve chuckles. "We'll see, sweetheart."

"You're damn right we will. And shave that nasty pornstar mustache of yours!"

[jennyandvastraflint]

Xena Reactions S1Ep15!

Xena riding!

Oop they kneel? Xena is also confused

And suspicious of it

Oh who is this pretty woman

Oh we don't like this guy approaching with a knife. He's gonna get his ASS beat

Oh she spit fire xD

Pls the king looks ridiculous

UM

DOPPRLGANGER!? I have had quite enough of doppelgangers tbh... 😭

Also where's Xena's wife Gabrielle

Boobs 👀

"Before I brushed my hair" THE SHADE???

Xena helpd the not-rich

"Sir. The assassin escaped." damn this guard is so 😐

Oop, yeah fuck slave traders

Tessa has pretty...... Clothes. XD

PLS NOT THE DOG

Diana is a bby

"Meet my friend Gabrielle, she'll take care of you"

Poor Xena tho in that pink dress XD

PPFFFFT SHE'S BEATING UP THE GUY AND RUINS HIS ROSES AHAHAHAAA

PLS 😭

I know she'd yeet the flowers

"The harp?" 😂

Oh this guy is living his saviour fantasies... Meanwhile Xena does the actual work

Not him disarming like four men 🙄 Showoff

BALL KICK. YESSSS

Also I feel like he's evil

"Hey guys, wait for me"

GABRIELLE MY BELOVED

IS SHE WRITING A POEM ABOUT XENA

UH OH.

Does she have the message between her tits.

Gabrielle is CONFUSED

"It's test day, isn't it"

AWWWW SHE'S ALMOST SOBBING

"Teach me how to be your gf"

I did say the "fawn-haired" guy is evil

Xena not wanting to have her hair brushed any longer (bet she'd let Gabrielle do it)

"But her curtsey is abominable" Wow you elitist prick

BWAHAHA THAT GUY DID NOT LIKE THAT

Pls she's PUSHING it

Uh oh...

PFTTTTT DID SHE JUST RIP OUT ALL THE STRINGS

Gosh the horseee

Not Diana complaining about the floor

Atch she doesn't like the cheese

Oh bbg you are a bit naive.

Her realising not everyone has as much to eat and lavish as her, hu.

Heh her just catching.

Ok so apparently the problen this guy has is being in love.

"You got that right, Plato"

Oh she stopped his bloodflow

Oh the super unemotional guy? 😂

OH SH- he was HUNG

Awww she bought food for them

Round killing thing "Shakram" "Bless you"

SHE JUST BROKE THE KING'S CROWN

"I like it" Of course you do Gabrielle

PLSSSS...

Pls I love how the guys just carry a chair

"There's nothing for him to stand on"

OH THEY GONNA DROP THE CHANDELIER.

That's just like Barbie and the Three Musketeers (I am very cultured)

WAIT DID THEY NOT SWITCH BACK

"This is who I'm marrying?" No you fucking melon

Still don't quite trust the other guy. Fawn-haired

She is a lil silly.

WHEN DOES THIS SHOW GET SUPERGAYYYYY HELLOOOO WHAT IS THIS STRAIGHTNESS

"So romantic, isn't it" "Very."

HEHE GAY FLIRTING

"Hey that's what you're here for" shdhshhshs Said it before I'll say it again. Xena 🤝 Vastra being shitheads saying things like that

Glad we ended on a gay note

[abandonedaccount1234]

MY THOUGHTS ON 7x07 bc wtf

-the way i didn’t even consider devin would be a doppelganger, we all thought she’d an evil twin or something 😭

-not hen reading me to filth about being sad and lonely at night

-oooh bobby, amir is from your past isn’t he?

-eddie in his stalker era

-not him following her like he’s in an enchanted forest

-YOU ARE NOT A SINGLE FATHER EDMUNDO💀

-bro has always been a bad boyfriend

-Don’t date the doppelganger, don’t sleep with the doppelganger, please dear god no

-i swear he needs to try and ask her out and get rejected because nothing will mess you up like getting rejected by the mirror image of your dead wife, please let the ghost of shannon be gay

-i get shannon was your first love and your first wife, but this is wrong on so MANY levels

-BRO HE SLEPT WITH THE DOPPELGANGER, THAT IS NOT YOUR WIFE, YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND

-(nevermind, just a daydream about his dead wife, b/c that's normal...🙃)

-Daydreaming about sleeping with your dead wife while with your girlfriend...I know grief is weird and complicated but what the actual fuck man.

-hurt people hurt people for real.

-not eddie having a fantasy about bringing his wife back from the dead. psych ward. immediately.

-BRO YOU NEED HELP WHERE IS FRANK

-all i want for eddie is for him to know he doesn’t have to keep looking for his dead wife in every woman he meets who reminds him of her. you don’t have to have a romantic connection with someone just because they’re the ideal catholic woman your parents ingrained in you in being the ideal woman.

-shannon and eddie would have been the toxic on/off again couple from high school if they didn't get married and have chris. that's what their relationship was. a first love. maybe even a true love in the lens of young love. but it was never gonna work.

-off topic, ryan looks real good in this episode

-HE GOT HIT BY A POLICE CAR?!

-get him BUCK

-He said you ain’t going anywhere

-Buck is Athena’s son fr

-eddie aint the only one seeing ghosts

-”but i’d like to” oh hell naw, run bobby run, preferably towards an AA meeting

-henren for the win, they’re amazing parents

-denny’s such a good brother

-”good cologne😏 ”? sure jan.

-love coparenting buddie 🥰

-”i was talking about you” they’re so married

-bro BRO NO 💀🙃

-I screamed “NO” at the tv when the doppelganger was there

-YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND! I DON’T LIKE HERE BUT SHE STILL EXISTS!

-Please tell me bro has a tumor or something? Like what if this woman actually doesn’t look anything like Shannon and his brain has just convinced him he has

-Maddie and Chimney going strong as always. Chimney's a damn good husband.

-The call with Maddie had so many twists and turns, I honestly wasn't expecting that to be the ending.

-Jennifer Love Hewitt is an incredible actress

-i love how they show healing isn't linear

-also have buck and eddie switched places in regards to relationship drama...?

-for the color theory folks' eddie is clearly still in mourning, he was in black almost the whole episode. he's in a neutral outfit with chris. in white. and then marisol is in black and white, right? And then he's in black for the rest of the episode. i can't. the symbolism. i can't.

[spinningbuster98]

Castlevania III Dracula's Curse Part 4: And then they banged!

Stage 9 is the second hardest level in the game, it just throws everything at you, from tough enemies, to a river section to even a damn autoscroller

The doppelganger is this game’s most questionable boss: it’s certainly cool how it changes shape to match whatever character you’re using but it’s just a match of going back and forth a lot praying that it doesn’t jump on those two elevated platforms

The final level is also rather questionable. It’s short but it has some extremely dickish enemy placement and if you get a gameover against Dracula you gotta do it all over again, which was not the case in the first game which gave you a permanent checkpoint right at his staircase (fun fact: in the international versions the checkpint is at the mid point of the stage. Fuck you too)

Dracula’s fight here is....hmm...

The first phase is reminiscent of the original but the timing is way too awkward, depending on where Dracula decides to teleport you barely have any time to dodge out of his fire pillars, if at all.

The second phase is kinda boring, easy and anticlimactic

The final phase is also very there assuming you stick to the edges of the room, though the fact that the tiles will immediately raise withou warning thus probably costing you a life on your first playthrough is such bullshit

Here’s a fun fact: apparently the big Pazuzu demon you fight as the last phase isn’t even Dracula but rather the Evil God (or one of the Evil Gods, depending on the translations I’ve found it’s either multiple or just one) whose powers he burrowed according to the Japanese Manual

And I find it...really anticlimactic. This is supposed to be Dracula’s very first battle against the Belmonts and his final trump card was transforming into a floating clump of heads that puke blood followed by a nameless Evil God just going “fine I’ll do it myself” and hijacking Dracula’s fight? Not only is it anticlimactic it feels downright disrespectful to the Count!

Sypha is a woman! Yay! That means her and Trevor have to bang now!

(Is that a red-haired BDSM cosplayer I see crying in the distance?)

[gren-arlio]

The first round of translations are done!

You heard it here, folks. I've successfully finished the entirety of the first video I've sent a few posts back. For the record, I WILL give timestamps to let people jump to what they want to see, don't worry. Every scene has Schezo, and this post will be LONG.

To keep my sanity in check: I'll release this in two parts, because my God this takes a while to type. I'm talking hours. I hope you understand.

Here's how it'll be formatted:

(Character):

(Line 1)

(Line 2)

[Narrator]

(Character 2)

(Line 1)

(Line 2)

Option A

Option B

Option C

----- <- End of Scene

Here's some screenshots of some of the faces. They got a charm to them. Most of them won't be in the first part, but hey, it's still cool.

And here's the video:

Timestamps:

0:14 (Start of the story, has Schezo and Mysterious Voice (Doppelganger Schezo,)

1:40 (After the Tower, has Schezo and Fufufu.)

3:00 (Schezo reaches the theme park, featuring Arle, Rulue, and Minotauros.)

5:37 (Schezo is terrible at directions and asks for help, featuring Kikimora and a Bulletin Board.)

7:56 (Schezo goes to Walmart, featuring Momomo.)

8:26 (Entrance to the Dungeon: Arle Version)

9:21 (Entrance to the Dungeon: Rulue Version. After that, it's just Schezo saying the default phrase for entering.)

11:30 (Skeleton-T boss encounter. Go to 13:11 for his loss quote.)

13:54 (Tickets? In MY treasure chest?)

I will note if something seems a bit off in brackets, or if there could be an edit or the sort. As well, I'll try to keep it formatted like the text in game.

Now before we begin, I want to say two things. The first is that I'm in NO WAY A JAPANESE SPEAKER. Some things might be wrong, so please correct me if they are. Second, I wish to ask a question to the community. I have more of these, but they're not chronologically ordered.

This won't affect if they're posted or not, just when they're posted.

With that out of the way, I hope you enjoy!

Prologue: (0:13)

Schezo:

So this is the Space-Time Crystal...

if I absorb this, I'll grow even stronger...

...It's been a while since I've last seen it. This Crystal distorts space and time.

Every time I stepped outside, the maze changed shape, forcing me to restart over and over again...

A crystal with this much power can be of very good use to me...

[Schezo touches the crystal, and tries to absorb its power. A cutscene occurs, and Schezo stops grabbing the crystal.]

Schezo:

Gwaaaa...What is this power...

Wait...I'm the one...being absorbed!?

Mysterious Voice: (Crystal)

Poor fool...I've become a part of you, and you're now a part of me...

Schezo:

Who is it!? ...Could it be that the crystal is talking!?

Damn, if I stay here...I've got no other choice! (He apparently teleports or runs away.)

Mysterious Voice: (Crystal)

He got away...Hmpf, a smart move.

For a human, he quite evil...Well, if you take this power away, the rest is a bunch of loose ends...

...With this power, it's possible to make a bigger trap. I could make a much larger one...

-----

Finding Waku Waku Puyo Puyo Land: (1:40)

[A while later...]

Damn it, what's happening to me? Oh man...

Ever since that encounter, I haven't been able to do much magic anymore...I have to do something to regain my strength...

[Fufufu enters the scene.]

Fufufu:

Fufufu, you've came.

Schezo:

If you're a merchant...you're also a business man. I'm in a bad mood. Find someone else.

Fufufu:

Fufufu, you see this?

Schezo:

It's just a flyer...Eh? What the-!?

[It show the flyer]

Flyer:

High Tech Theme Park: "Waku Waku Puyo Puyo Land"

The shape of this place changes every time you enter! It's an amazing fighting attraction!

If you clear all the attractions, the "Amazing Magical Item," will be yours! (For the record, they don't really clarify it.)

With this, you too can be a first class mage!

Schezo:

Hey, merchant! Is what said on this flyer true?

Fufufu:

Fufufu, you should definitely go. (Leaves)

Schezo:

...It's just like that tower...It's like the power of that crystal!

Could it be that something similar is there!? I'll have to check it out myself...

[Schezo decides to go the Theme Park mentioned on the flyer.]

-----

Entrance to the park: (3:00)

Schezo:

I'm finally...here at last.

[Schezo got a little lost, but managed to find his way to the theme park.]

Huh? Is that Arle?

[Arle is spacing out at the entrance to the theme park.]

What, you're here too?

(Arle finally comes into view.)

Arle:

Schezo!? You're here alone to play with yourself?

Schezo:

No! Did you hear about the rumors too?

Arle:

Huh? What rumors?

Schezo:

Don't you know what this place is like? If you clesr all the attractions,

You can get a "Amazing Magical Item" or the sort.

Arle:

Heh...Is that so?

Schezo:

Well, I don't have time for idle talk. I'm leaving.

[Schezo leaves Arle and enters the theme park.]

Hm? It's that woman...If I remember, it's that martial artist, Rulue, who's always chasing that Satan around.

Rulue:

...Obtain a magical item...

I'll be the one to get it to match Arle and win over Satan!

(Schezo then entrances the scene)

Schezo:

That's not happening.

Rulue:

Who said that!? ...Oh. You're just the perverted mage.

Schezo:

Who's the pervert!?

Rulue:

What!? No way...

You're after Satan too, aren't you?

Schezo:

Huh? Satan?

Well, I guess you can say that. (I'll take him down eventually!)

Rulue:

As expected...

You're trying to court Satan! That's unforgivable!

Schezo:

What!? No, you stupid bitch! Why would I want to make a move on that bastard!? (Yeah he does this sometimes and it's hilarious.)

Rulue:

Keeeee! What did you say? That's it, we're done!

Minotauros:

You're not gonna make Master Rulue look like a fool. Umoooh! (His battle cry or something, tbh I don't really like Minotauros.)

Schezo:

I can't take such a large swing like that!

...Rulue, I'll tell you this. That magical item is mine,

And I don't plan to give it to a woman who doesn't have a shred of magic!

[Schezo quickly leaves the scene.]

Two troublesome women are here...I'm in trouble...

----

Schezo sucks at directions: (5:37)

Now, where to go...

(He goes to the info board.)

Well, this seems like the place for info. Let's see what we can find.

(Now to tell you guys a bit about some navigation boxes.

You see, they're organized into 4 sections.

Listen (AKA talk to Kikimora.)

Ranking

Bulletin Board

Return

In this case, they click Listen. Please note I'm probably gonna translate the important ones at the moment.)

Schezo: (Again)

Hey, Cleaning staff.

Cleaning Lady: (Kikimora)

Cleaning staff? There's none. Well, I do clean, but...

I'm Kikimora. I'm an usher here.

Schezo:

A usher? Well, if you are one, you're going to have to explain something to me.

Kikimora:

What do you want me to explain?

(These say, in order:

Game Summary (Which the player clicks.)

About items

About shops

About ranking

When in Need (The player clicks later.)

Back)

All of the parks attractions involve the same formula.

You'll be fighting monsters and navigating a maze.

Of course there's all kinds of items and tricks inside also. It's not just fighting monsters.

If you can think carefully and use these items and tricks well, it'll be easier to proceed with your adventure.

If your HP drop to zero, it's a game over, and you lose all the EXP and items you worked so hard to get. (You think Schezo is thinking "The hell is an EXP and a Game Over?")

The first attraction is relatively easy, but each attraction gets harder as you clear them.

So please, do you best.

Schezo:

Alright, got it.

(The textbox opens again, and this time the player clicks "When in Need.")

Kikimora:

This is where we explain things to newcomers.

We also have a bulletin board full of useful and informative information, so please see e check it frequently.

You can also see your rank score, so try to aim for #1!

If you do get a high score, you could get a wonderful prize.

Schezo:

How many points do I need for the prize?

Kikimora:

Actually, I don't know myself.

Schezo:

You're a useless usher. You should know that.

Kiki:

Sorry. (I'm sorry...)

Schezo:

No no no, I'm not judging you.

I was just speaking to myself. Dont worry about it, okay?

Kikimora:

Yes, Sir. (... ...)

Schezo

(Wait, why am I apologizing?)

(The player then goes to the bulletin board.)

Oh, a Bulletin Board. I'll check it out.

(A text box appears saying "Welcome to Puyo Puyo Dungeon.")

Bulletin board:

If you're entering an attraction, try the Puyo Dungeon first!

An exciting adventure awaits you!

-----

Schezo goes to Walmart: (7:56)

Schezo:

So this is a store...

Momomo:

Momomo, welcome to the shop!

Schezo:

Oh! There's the shopkeeper.

Momomo:

There's a lot of danger in the attractions.

You'll be safer if you bought items, so buy a lot.

Schezo:

...What a talkative clerk.

(Text box appears, showing either:

Buy

Sell

Leave <- )

Momomo:

Hope to see you again.

Entrance to the Dungeon: Arle Version. (8:26)

Schezo:

Arle's here... hey, Arle.

Arle:

Hey, why did you come here?

Schezo:

Err, that's none of your business.

Arle:

Aha! Are you here to pick up women?

Schezo:

Huh?

Arle:

I thought you came to chase after girls, like you like usual.

Schezo:

No, of course not!

And what do you mean by "Like Usual?"

Arle:

Because you're always chasing girls saying "I want you!"

Schezo:

I...don't do anything of of the sort!

Arle:

There you go again...well, you are a guy, so...

Schezo:

You know what!? I'm done...

Talking to her drives me nuts...among other things.

-----

Entrance to the Dungeon: Rulue Version: (9:21)

Schezo:

Ah, not this meat muscle woman!

Rulue:

What did you say!? Are you trying to pick a fight?

Schezo:

Hmpf. That's what you get for calling me a pervert earlier.

Rulue:

You pervert, you nonsensical pervert! What's wrong with calling you that?

Schezo:

You're such a child! Don't spout these ridiculous things!

Minotauros:

Umoooo! Don't make fun of Master Rulue!

Schezo:

Cows stay out of this!

Minotauros:

Umoooo! (God I hate typing that.) Master Rulue, can I fuck this guy up?

Rulue:

Do as you please.

Schezo:

I don't have time to be playing games with you guys in a place like this!

Rulue:

Oh? Are you running away?

Schezo:

(Damn that scruffy look on her face. Someday I'll make her into a crying bitch.

Even so, we're still a little behind Rulue and the others...

I can't afford to waste my time here...Sorry, but I can't just stand here!)

After this he just says a generic quote of "Let's go inside the Dungeon!"

-----

Skeleton T boss encounter: (10:17)

Skeleton-T:

Hello? Are you a visitor?

Schezo:

Hm? What are you- What're you doing here?

Skeleton-T:

Hmm~ This tea is really good. Would you like a cup?

(The player says no)

What? You won't drink my tea!?

I can't forgive someone who takes advantage of another's good will!

Schezo:

Well...That's an interesting accusation. Alright, I'll play along.

Skeleton-T:

Ocha-cha-cha-cha! Let's go!

---

Beating Skeleton-T: 13:11

Skeleton-T:

Happaaa... (I used his loss quote from Puyo 7.)

Schezo:

Ha! You were no match for me!

----- (Yep. That's it.)

Tickets? In MY Theme Park? (13:54)

What's this...? ...They're tickets!

(Schezo gets tickets to Fire Mountain, Water Paradise, and the Starlight Stage.)

Here we go. Now we can enter more attractions.

(Then he asks if you want to leave the Dungeon.)

-----

And that's Part 1! Part 2 will release later, just give me time to type it all out.

Hope you enjoyed.

[charlesemersonwinchesteriii]

for the 'why wouldn't date them'

charles, hawkeye, trapper

and i think you might be into twin peaks? if so, dale cooper and donna hayward

whichever ones you want to do :)

Ahhhhhh omg thank you for all of these I want to do them ALL but let's go backwards.

Donna Hayward

Ok so the thing is I AM into Twin Peaks but it's been a while since I've seen it and I tried to watch The Return but I was too stupit to understand much less enjoy it :( sowwy. So I would be dating my own flawed incomplete interpretation of a person, really. Typical Twin Peaks. 

Anyways I love Donna! I think we have similar personalities and stuff. In all brutal honesty I think if I were in her situation with a friend like Laura I’d have done similar things. Also yeah maybe her actions did lead a man to suicide but that was NOT her fault. I think the only three things that would prevent an attempt at a relationship here are 

1) The obvious. Her taste in men = atrocious. In all the rest of these hypotheticals where the character is already canonically in a relationship or has feelings for another character I’m just like yeah the more the merrier but if Donna insists on inviting her insufferable ass boyfriend into the mix I could NOT fucking do it I’m sorry. 

2) This girl is not ready for a relationship yet after All That god damn. But then again neither am I so maybe that balances out. We would need to spend some time as support group buddies just hugging and crying a lot before even considering a date. 

3) It is unlikely we would ever interact as I am never setting foot in that town ever in my life are you kidding me. Donna is super pretty in both her incarnations but I’m sorry I don’t think any pussy pops severely enough for me to risk going to fucking doorknob hell or some shit.

Dale Cooper

Ignore everything I said in that last paragraph. I change my mind. I forgot my beautiful autism creature husband is here. I would risk it all for a date with Dale Cooper and so would all who know and perceive the truth. AND he’s got two hot girlfriends with him at least one of whom is ALSO an autism creature??? Sign me the FUCK up for this polycule IMMEDIATELY. “Oh but OP what about the horrors” I don’t even fucking care it’s fine. Dale can have little an evil doppelganger. As a treat.

Still there are some problems:

1) Dale is an FBI agent and Harry is a cop. Booooooo!!!! But maybe if Annie and Caroline and I unionize we can force them to quit their jobs. 

2) Unclear if I would be forced to join the Black Lodge Horror Vision Rotation along with Annie and Caroline. Boring and time consuming task and unlike Laura you don’t even get to do a Big Scream.

3) I personally actually don’t like pie or coffee at all :( I’m sorry babygirl I understand if this is a deal breaker. 

Trapper McIntyre 

You know that “golden retriever boyfriend” joke? Trapper is like THE golden retriever boyfriend to me. Which I mean as an absolute compliment! Golden retrievers are friendly, helpful, adorable, lovable dogs. I am always up to pet a golden retriever.

But the thing is, I would never get one myself. They’re just a bit too big, bit too much energy, bit too messy, and anyways I prefer cats. No hate, no judgment, just a series of tiny preferences. Not into jocks, not into casual no-strings-attached type relationships, not super into kids, you know how it is. Boring and petty answer but I just feel like this adorable happy-go-lucky goldie deserves the PERFECT forever home and obviously he’s one of the most popular of all the dogs at the Mashblr shelter so I know he’ll get adopted super fast. So I can turn my attention to the miserable ass overbred old cat in the corner <3

Hawkeye Pierce

Oh, Hawkeye. I just don’t think so. Idk what’s wrong with me but I have to work to see Hawkeye as like. A dateable entity in my mind. He’s our little scrunkly! It’d be weird to date a scrunkly. BUT maybe I’ve just been overexposed to him purely by dint of being in the fandom he’s the main character of, because objectively I DO find Mr. Alda’s portrayal of him in certain scenes to be Attractive (TM), and seeing clips of his charisma and charm and humor and all that good handsome stuff is literally what got me to check out the show in the first place! Man. What happened. Hmm. 

I think one issue is that scenes where he’s explicitly trying to be Romantic and/or Seductive have just never done it for me. Like comparing Hawkeye’s lovey scenes with Kyung Soon to Charles’ with Martine, there’s no contest in how they make me feel. To me, Hawkeye is honestly at his most appealing when he’s radiating Friend Energy, which is why his casual relationships actually work really well IMO; you feel like he’s truly a great pal to the nurses he hooks up with. This is also, I think, one of Piercintyre’s great strengths as a ship, because Hawkeye and Trapper both have amazing Friend Energy and then their natural compatibility makes that bleed seamlessly into sweet romantic vibes. And to be clear I would LOVE to be in a Friends To Lovers relationship too but unfortunately I am cringely obsessed with loveydovey romance in a way I’m not sure Hawkeye is even capable of. Plus there’s also just the fact that I’m a shy waiting til marriage person and I suck at banter and yeah it’s just not working. In conclusion neither Hawkeye nor Trapper should date me they should date each other!! But we knew that :P

THAT CUNT

There are 10000000 reasons not to date Charles. But I will be doing it anyways ^_^ Peace and love on planet earth <3

Anyways I’m not bringing up his Problematicness as a reason here because I didn’t bring it up for anyone else and nobody noticed, so why should it be any different with him. Like no obviously I would not date this dumbfuck racist but I also would not date a guy who thinks it’s a funny prank to make a woman think she’s being sexually assaulted. I also for that matter would not date a guy who works with the dumbfuck racist and is like aw, ya know what, he’s not that bad really :) the second they have a chance to have a bonding moment. I guess I have decided to be a buzzkill about that forever now btw sorry :( oh well 

But ok no real talk I would Not date Charles unless one very specific condition is met, which is that I have whatever magic stardust they sprinkled on his single-episode love interests before they put them in the story that made him be utterly besotted with them, because more than any other character on the show, it seems, the difference between Regular Charles and Charles In Love is so hysterically huge??? Like fuck. My dudes. We’ve done it. We found the one villain who actually does do a complete 180 and starts trying to act right as soon as a girl takes pity on him enough to look at him twice. (Disclaimer: I haven’t seen Ain’t Love Grand yet I’m sorryyyyyyyy) He’s so ~romantic~ and it’s like catnip to me unfortunately. :\ The total opposite of what I said about Hawkeye up there. Offers a girl his stupid little teacup and recites poetry at her. Unbelievable. Did anyone ever think about the fact that maybe I would like to be offered a teacup and recited poetry at. No. You all only think about yourselves.  

Like even though objectively the way he nukes his relationship with Martine was hurtful to both of them, he’s so Tender the whole time it’s insane. She turned him into her pauvre petit miaou miaou overnight. I want that power so fucking bad I NEED that power so fucking bad. Say it with me everyone. I Could Fix Him. (”But OP Martine and Donna DIDN’T fix him he still left them both and never mentioned them again?” Yes but don’t worry they were just loosening the lid on his jar a little bit. I’ll get him open you’ll see. He’s gonna be soooo well trained when I’m done I’ll make him apologize to Maxwell and everything. He won’t even need the shock collar after a few weeks.)

But yeah if I have to like, try to appeal to him on my own it’s not fucking happening. I have no desire to hear the equivalent of a DOS deepfake hologram that has become evil due to being trained on text scraped from youtube comments tell me I’m ugly and stupid, which is exactly what would happen. Up til now I’ve sidestepped the issue that I do not think any of these people would give me the time of day (except Maxwell who would take pity on me probably because he is sososo Good) but I cannot ignore how much Charles just would Not like me. I don’t know how the selfshipper community does it they’re braver than any fucking US marine over there fr. Charles would look at me like I was a gross little bug on the ground and I can’t escape it. Oh well. Who needs him. Where’s your sister you dipshit I’m about to GET IT

[mushroom-for-art]

Grumpinati Grumpus ocs anyone? Here we have Foxling Foulwater, and Aedhoehraiae (Adora) Pobblebottom. More info under cut

Starting with Foxling, he grew up in an incredibly strict household as the only son and the oldest. Being that he was quite a nerd he frequently got bullied in school getting in physical altercations and the likes, then getting picked on and beat by his own father for things out of his own control. When the bullies broke his nose that's when his demeanor of tolerating the abuse changed and he became far more sinister and dangerous using those dimwits to have power over someone else as a result of his father's abuse, when he became bored with them he made sure they'd never tell. They were never seen again. This is where some of his behaviour comes from today, tolerating grumpus until given a reason not to see them as worth that respect. Into his young adult years his father broke his tusk, he had the root covered and made the tusk guards to protect them and moved away from his home town, after his father had went missing on a fishing trip. Roughly about 32 in the bugsnax timeline, by now he's decently high up in the Grumpinati science devision due to his intelligence computer skills and disposal skills, but mostly the first two hes in charge of running simulations on bugsnax evolution, the rate of the island movement and activity and run experiments on bugsnax to see if he can cause mutation and evolution into different forms. He's gained a degree in parasites through working there so he knows what he's doing and he despises the disgusting parasites, fascinated by their strategy and evolution of course what a way to get rid of a body but disgusted nonetheless. He works hard and keeps to himself he's no risk of blabbing to anyone. His nose has a metal strip in from when it was broken which he has magnetise to his glasses to prevent them falling off. He also has an egg pouch, one of the things his father didn't approve of seeing as no other males from his father's side had ever had that before and despite being out of Foxlings control due to biological genetic reasons his father Mr Foulaby saw it as his fault. Mr Foulaby also despised Foxling claws for not being retractable unlike his own. Foxling never got much protection from his mother and he does despise her for that but he knows she was likely protecting herself her egg and her other grumpling, sacrificing one for the many. He's secretly a very lonely grumpus, but he doesn't like to dwell on that feeling or risk letting anyone close he avoids talking to coworkers so they don't have anything over him and so they can't spread anything personal he might share with one of them. He has made low ranked grumpus who dared mess with him disappear, there was an incident with salted googley eyed coffee that saw 3 low ranks vanish within days of each other and a coffee machine put into his private office, higher ups turned a blind eye to the joke gone sour, if it was him he'd done a good job leaving no trace. The others know not to cross him as they found he was scary when angry and stronger than they anticipated.

Next we have Adora Pobblebottom! And no I'm not spelling her full name again, it's lots of silent letters her mother was being unique. She's was a middle child to a large growing family but was a runt egg when her mom laid two, from a young age she was incredibly coddled for being so tiny and vulnerable and as she got older it never stopped. Quickly she learned that she could get away with anything, it couldn't have been her she's too little and fragile and a nasty spot quickly grew inside her. She was incredibly spoilt but would act as innocent and sweet as can be thankful and grateful for all the things she got while waiting knowing there would always be more for darling little Adora. She's still kinda small and very soft her fur is incredibly fluffy and naturally curly she makes sure to curl and fluff it each day for maximum curly volume and cuteness. She's quite a low rank actually in the Grumpinati, she helps scout out new members finding vulnerable people who look like they need something more in life need a calling and goes about recruiting them, lovebombing them showering them in attention, tricking them into the cult smiling so sweetly holding their paw telling them its all gonna be okay and she'll look after them. She knows they'll either grow and get in better positions or die, that's life and she's getting paid good for this, it's her or them and she'd rather stay alive. She outgrew her family in a way it was good but they smothered her too much and didn't have the money for the things she wanted, she was smart making sure not to ruin that relationship simply saying she needed to forge her own path and now here she is working to recruit people into a cult. She's also a very good mole, noone suspects the small fluffy curls of being eyes and ears on people trying to gain intel on the grumpinati, they don't notice her when she sits nearby listening in they don't view her as a threat or acknowledge her as anything more than a sweet runt. Its a perfect for getting the information she needs to report back to have them shut down. Of course it has its draw backs her own coworkers who know of her job think she's a mole, which is just annoying the people she's working with outright not trusting her enough to talk around her when she knows noone really trusts anyone there so why single her out? She misses the good gossip. Despite being low rank she usually is able to bluff blink and blag her way into higher access points despite no security card, she'll blink her eyes all big and shuffle her feet and say she just thought she'd fetch coffee for everyone as they work so hard she's so sorry she didn't know it was high access only she was just able to walk in. And bingo, the coffee usually gets them, and she gets their coffee she's not an idiot she knows they need it they associate her with coffee they let her in they're happy she gets away with breaking rules. Plus she makes a good drink. Of course Foxling would be more reluctant and closely watch her using his monitor if she made a coffee in his lab, arguing when called Foxly by her ever so sweetly "it's pronounced Fauxling", but she doesn't disrespect him so he remains neutral, ignoring the fact her coffee is pretty good actually.... Adora is about 27 so she's still kind of young and it makes Foxling worry if shes around him too long he doesn't want to be seen as a creep even if Adora is initiating all the social interactions (its only a 5 year gap he's just not used to grumpus). Adora was born without a pouch due to her genetics, feeling in her fur there's a slight different where the top of the pouch should be but it never fully developed, she finds it slightly annoying as it means no storage she can't hide weapons on her person but has to deal. Likely attends Grumpinati training for self defence purposes in case a mission goes bad and can use a weapon if necessary, shes partial to concealed blades that are unsuspecting until revealed much like her.

[scully-loves-ruthie]

#8 from the drabble challenge please!

Dana Scully's Top 10 Rules for NOT falling in love with her partner.

10. Do not lean into each other close enough to smell his cologne which you just know is expensive.

9. Do not longing gaze at each other across the room or watch his lips move while he spouts off asinine theories with more holes than swiss cheese.

8. Do not share deep rooted family trauma while validating who they are as a person.

7. Do not talk about how you for sure knew each other in a past life and are destined to be there for each other for all eternity.

6. Do not melt into his palm anytime it is on the small of your back and definitely do not let your kitty kat vibrate when he leans in to say something at the same time.

5.Do not press your foreheads together declaring your undying love and loyalty for one another and definitely do not kiss his forehead afterwards that is some intimate shit that platonic partners don't do.

4. Do not get wine drunk and almost fuck his evil doppelganger because he finally made a god damn move and your clit is calling his name but then you just never talk about it again.

3. Do not play the flirtiest game of baseball that is just foreplay while he rubs his dick on your thigh and you pretend you don't know how to swing a bat.

2. Do not ask him to have a baby with you then fuck him then definitely have his baby, and then name it after his father or your father, honestly the name thing was an oversight since you weren't supposed to be fucking him anyway.

Do not break him out of jail after swallowing his tongue in front of your boss before getting outed by a snarky ass lawyer at a fake trial then marry him and live in an unremarkable house together where you two have fucked on or against every surface.

@today-in-fic

[the-aggro-crag-car]

So I heard somewhere(and of course cannot find again) that Book 2 would have had a whole thing about Lake's ankle mirror, the one from Tulip's multitool, being damaged. It was supposedly cut for time, but even if it's just made up it's still a very intresting idea. How do you think it would play out?

ooh I have not heard about that but you're right, it is a very interesting idea!

So I don't think that Lake is ever actually in danger of the mirror falling off. Going off of the way they weren't able to unstick themself from the chrome car, the pocket mirror would work the same way, permanently affixed to them, able to stretch and be moved, but not taken away. Since they're not in the chrome car anymore, I don't think they could really swap to another mirror either.

So losing it isn't an issue, but it's still an obvious lifeline that they need in order to keep on existing.

I think Lake's method of escaping the mirror world was pretty damn unusual, most reflections probably don't have a prime both prepared to get them another reflective surface and willing to help out an 'evil doppelganger.' It's pretty much unheard of for a reflection to make it out of the chrome car.

The flecks saw that the mirror had allowed Lake to be free in the prime world, so I can see them targeting it specifically. One moment of opportunity, Mace tries to grab Lake's leg from inside of a puddle's refection, sees the bit of red poking out of their shoe, and just slams down on it before they can pull away, sending spiderweb cracks all throughout the mirror.

Each piece is still attached to Lake, it doesn't instantly dissolve them into goo like the flecks might have hoped, and everyone is able to get away. Lake's freaking out afterwards though because they know the mirror's important and it's cracked now

They're so freaked out about the mirror that Jesse has to be the one to point out that it's not the only thing cracked now. Lake can see a similar spiderweb of cracks branching down their arms now, along their legs. Jesse says there's a big one running over her face, before branching out around the eye up into their hair. They can see see it in the reflection of their hand, which has a few unnerving lines running through it now as well

there's a long moment where they're both terrified that it'll get worse, that Lake will fall apart completely, but it doesn't. The cracks don't go any more than an inch deep at their deepest, and no more grow as long as the mirror doesn't get any more damaged.

Lake isn't happy about literally being a cracked reflection now though. They keep picking at and fretting with the cracks, worried that it's only a matter of time before it gets worse, that the flecks will realize even more now that they're weak, redouble their efforts and take her out.

Jesse's the one to suggest that maybe fixing the mirror will help fix them up, at least a little bit.

So you know kintsugi?

If you don't it's where you take a broken piece of pottery and fix it in a way that highlights the break, usually with gold or some other precious metal.

Maybe it's not even until they're off the train, since just happening upon the materials required on the train would be some pretty stellar luck. Either way, they get some lacquer or epoxy and mix in gold dust, using it to meticulously piece together the broken mirror bits. Since its permanently affixed to them, they didn't lose any. Lake isn't sure if it'll actually do anything, but didn't seem the harm in at least trying to put it back together again.

It actually works though, her body taking after the structure of the mirror and the cracks filling in with gold. Sure, it couldn't be more obvious that the cracks were there, but there's nothing to pick, Lake doesn't feel as brittle.

Plus, they will admit it does look pretty badass. Like golden scars.

[ashes-in-a-jar]

The Purrfect Alternative

Premise: Why would there be a cat in the archives? An archive cat fixit.

2.7K words

Rated G

(Tw: A bit of violence but it's against Jurgen Leitner)

This is a fic dedicated to the @jonsimsandcats event! Hope you enjoy it :)

"Sorry, you haven't seen a cat, have you?"

Jon gaped at the larger man who suddenly barged into the office. 

"I-I'm sorry, a what?"

"Uh, a cat, tabby I think." The man hurriedly explained.

"No. No I haven't. Is it.. Supposed to be here?" Jon knew book shops sometimes kept cats. Perhaps archives did as well. Maybe Gertrude had a soft spot in her after all.

"N-no actually. I, uh, I was feeding it on the way in but when I got up with my things, well, my hands were full you see, so when I managed to open the door it sort of slipped in with me? I'm so sorry, I have to find it before-"

"Okay okay calm down, stop." Jon held up his hand and let out a sigh. First day of the promotion and he's already stressed. But it's fine. He's fine. He can handle a cat. He's good with cats.

"Where do you work? Upstairs? Are you sure it came down here?"

"Yes, I saw it. And I just started working down here today? I'm Martin. Blackwood." He offered a hand. Jon automatically took it. Big and soft. He let go a bit too quickly and coughed. 

"Work here? Are you certain?"

"Yes, I'm supposed to let Jonathan Sims know about becoming an archival assistant. He's the head archivist Elias told me to talk to."

"Well that's one thing to cross off your list." Jon smirked. "I'm Jonathan Sims. Jon, if you please. And Elias did not mention you. Tim and Sasha were supposed to be the only new recruits." Jon frowned to himself. He'll have to have a word with Elias about this. It's fine now that it happened but keeping Jon updated could really help in preventing these kinds of awkward introductions with people he's supposed to work closely with.

"O-oh! Well, here I am now too." Martin chuckled nervously, fidgeting with the hem of his jumper.

Jon hummed "So you are I suppose. Well, let's not waste time on trivial matters, there is a cat that needs to be found." Jon got up from his chair.

"O-oh god, you're right. I'm so sorry for this." The other man apologized, remembering why he was there in the first place. It was clear that he now realized that the fact that the person he's asking to help him clear up his mess is his new boss could be very problematic for him. Jon easily sympathized with that kind of familiar pressure.

"It's alright, let's just, get this sorted." Jon was not willing to admit that a part of him was also just looking forward to seeing the cat. It would help distract him from his own stress, as it were.

Ten minutes later the two of them sitting on the floor in the stacks with a chubby tabby cat sprawled on Jon's lap. Jon was petting it affectionately while amicably getting acquainted with his new assistant. The man turned out to be a library veteran with useful cataloging skills that could help with the mess that was left down here. Having calmed down considerably, Martin had stopped fidgeting and was cooing at the cat who was head butting his large palm. Their presence soothed Jon in a way that surprised him. In the tranquil, quiet atmosphere of the stacks, sounds of cat purrs and Martin's low murmurs, he felt almost optimistic that despite his lack of experience and the large task ahead of them, he would be alright. 

-------

Paper meowed loudly behind him as Martin hurried down the tunnel with Jon and Tim at his tail. Martin glanced back as he reached an intersection and noticed they were too far behind, Jon limping on his injured foot. He hesitated, stopping and waiting for them to catch up. Paper came up and rubbed his leg before trotting down the tunnel on the right, tail held high and confident. Martin inhaled deeply to catch his breath, starting to walk again, this time more slowly. They managed to leave most of the fast worms behind and the ones down here were few and sparse enough to easily stomp down individually. Paper was making a game out of it.  He kept leaping onto some that crawled ahead of them, squishing them loudly with his paw. 

Jon and Tim caught up and the three followed Paper down the dark passage. 

"Yeah, get the damn crawlers." Slurred Tim. The CO2 he inhaled was not helping his coherency. 

"You know," gasped Jon, "I actually think they're larvae, given Jane's statement and-" 

"Jon, I'm going to have to ask you to stop now." Martin said, as calmly as he could, his voice a tad too high and loud. 

"... Sorry." Jon said sheepishly. 

They followed Paper down the forking paths, hoping the cat knew where in the seven circles of hell they were. 

Eventually they stopped seeing any worms as the path sloped up, ending in a sudden door. There was daylight filtering in from beneath it. Paper was eagerly pawing at it. 

"Uh, I think we found a secret way out of the institute." Martin could hardly believe their luck. 

"Excellent, now I can ditch work and no one will know I even left." Tim mumbled. 

"Tim, if you wanted to succeed in that endeavor, you should have not said that next to your boss." Jon commented dryly. 

The worm threat no longer being imminent, Martin allowed himself a nervous chuckle. 

They pushed at the door and with a bit of group effort, eventually managed to pry it open into fresh air. They came out into a narrow alleyway which turned out to be not far from the institute. As they walked (limped) down the street to find access to a working phone they heard someone cry out. 

"Jon? Tim? Martin!" They spotted Sasha hurrying towards them, carrying heavy bags of cat food. 

"Sasha! You're okay!" Martin exclaimed. "We were worried you'd get back and be caught in it like Tim had."

"Where have you been?" Jon inquired, straining to stand upright on his own. Martin came closer, gently supporting him by the hip on the opposite side of Tim. 

"We ran out of food for Paper, I figured I'd pop by the store for a moment to get some." Sasha said. "I came back when the building was being evacuated."

"Oh good, at least the alarm worked." Tim said tiredly. 

"What in god's name happened to you three?" She inquired worriedly. 

"Prentiss, we'll fill you in later. We need to make sure the ECDC is informed regarding the CO2 in the fire suppression system that needs to be activated."

"And get you to a hospital." Martin chastised, squeezing Jon's side. 

"Yes yes." Jon waved dismissively but all the while leaning further into Martin's side. He really wasn't discreet, Martin thought smugly. 

Sasha was about to say something else when a loud meow interrupted her. Paper was nosing into the bag, fully aware of its contents and who they were meant for. 

Jon dislodged from Martin and Tim and hobbled towards the cat. 

The cat turned and moved back into Jon's welcoming arms, as the archivist picked him up and stroked him fondly. 

"We are lucky on all accounts that Paper is such a smart cat." He murmured into the soft fur, injury forgotten for the moment. 

Tim chuckled, "cats always ruin evil people's plans, it's a well known fact. Anyway, Sasha, please call an ambulance for us?" He said, and promptly sat on the floor. 

Martin sighed with relief. For now, they are all safe and together. And that's all that matters. 

-------

It was all almost too much to take in. Luckily Paper was held tight in his arms as he listened to Jurgen Leitner ramble on about powers and fears and monsters and Jonah Magnus. He had been chased by a distorted form of his boss, who was apparently replaced by a monster Jon and the crew tried and failed to destroy, thus separating in the ensuing pursuit. In light of these events Jon now needed something soft to ground him in the face of so much new information. 

The discovery of Elias' death was a shock, especially given the fact that apparently it happened when he was trapped in artifact storage during the Prentiss siege a half a year back. 

He (that is, his doppelganger) told them back then that he was trying to reach the suppression system switch when he tripped down the stairs over one of Paper's many scattered toys, alerting Jane in the process and was driven back into the storage area. His account seemed to check out given he was rescued from there by the ECDC after Jane was dealt with. And given the few toys strewn about the stairs leading to artifact storage. Why Paper kept scattering his toys all over the building was beyond Jon but that wasn't the main issue at hand. After trapping the creature in the walls of the tunnels, Jurgen Leitner proceeded to reveal himself. Once Jon dragged him back to his office, and picked the protesting Paper up to calm himself down, he unveiled the truth of Elias', or Jonah's, whole operation. 

Turns out Jonah Magnus decided life was too short to enjoy once and did exactly what eventually happened to him. Talk about karma. Leitner explained that Gertrude's plan was to stop Jonah from... Something he was planning. Perhaps a ritual to end the world in a way the others would fail to do. That bit of information was on a tape of Gertrude which Leitner played for Jon. By the time they reached the part where Leitner said, “they needed to kill Jonah's main body then burn down the archives.” Martin, Tim and Sasha had arrived back at the office as well. 

"Jon? Jon! Are you okay?" Martin rushed forward, hugging Jon tightly, ignoring Paper's loud yowling at being squished in between them. Jon sighed, "Martin, thank god. I-I'm fine." He hugged him back, relieved his boyfriend was safe, as well as his other assistants of course. "It chased after me but he stopped it."

Tim raised his axe, "Jon are you sure he's not... Another one?"

"Yes I'm sure. That" Jon took a deep breath, "is Jurgen Leitner."

After the team's loud exclamations of disbelief he and Leitner updated them on everything they had discussed. As he was being hugged by Martin and holding the fluffy cat he slowly began calming down.

After Leitner was done a long moment of silence ensued.

"So," Sasha said slowly, "Gertrude's dead?"

"Yes, she was shot and then hidden by Jonah in the tunnels. Unfortunately I couldn't get out to allow for a proper burial, so I had to leave her there." He seemed sad admitting it. Jon did not feel sympathy for him. This man deserved none for his past and cowardice.

"And now, we need to, what, somehow find the center of the maze of tunnels to kill Jonah completely and burn the archives?" Sasha asked skeptically. 

"Yes, the whole institute in fact. I have a gas main in the tunnels ready to be ignited once we find the center." Leitner said.

"How do we do that?" Martin frowned.

"Maybe Michael knows?" Tim quipped. "He just helped us out of that situation with his own… corridor labyrinth. Maybe he'll be able to help."

"Okay, okay let's first take a breather and calm down. We'll figure out how to solve this." Jon said, raising his hand to slow them down.

"Yeah, I'll make us some tea." Martin added, "At least now that... Thing won't bother us for a long while."

"Let it burn along with this hell of an institute." Tim said harshly. Knowing how his brother was killed almost the same way, Jon felt strong sympathy for Tim rush over him.

Which was replaced with a different emotion the moment he turned to the man who saved him.

"Thank you for your help, now Martin, I need you to hold Paper for a moment."

Martin, looking baffled, took Paper out of Jon's arms. "Jon wh-"

Jon swiftly approached the older man and proceeded to sock him in the nose with the full force of his fist. The crew gasped in unison. 

"That's for everyone you hurt with your idiocy, you stupid old coward." Jon seethed and punched him again. He heard Martin chuckle and Tim whoop as the man whimpered and attempted to protect his face.

Jon was glad they were spared the horrible plans of a 200 year old evil man and that they had some semblance of a strategy moving forward. He was, however, equally elated for this opportunity to do what he fantasized about since learning of Leitner's existence.

And, he supposes, all of this can be indirectly attributed to Paper, the archive cat.

-------

Jon woke up to the warm snuggle of his lovely fiance and a mouthful of cat fur. 

"Pffff, Paper geerroff," he mumbled, uselessly trying to push the stubborn cat away. The chirping of birds mingled with the sound of highland cows grazing in the field near their cabin. 

After the success of their plan to end Jonah, after the fire had already burned down the horrors of that evil place, it took a while longer for their troubles to be resolved. They had to endure endless questioning and investigations of the police. Jon, who was weakened by the ordeal to the point of needing hospitalization, took a long time to recover and regain his strength. Leitner claimed it was lucky he was cut off from the Eye this early, or the consequences would have been much more serious. The others seemed to have been less affected, but once the archives were completely reduced to ashes they recovered, their jobs burned down along with everything else. 

Sasha found a new job as a researcher in a prestigious institute, nothing supernatural involved. Tim moved on to journalism, utilizing his curiosity and charm to their full potential. Jon and Martin opened a tea & book shop, if only to make Paper a real bookshop cat. They have been slowly setting it up and settling down until... Well, Jon proposed and they took a break. Traveled to Scotland with Paper on an early honeymoon to see the cows and enjoy the quiet. 

And quiet it was. Until Paper shamelessly began purring as loud as a train right in Jon's ear. Jon huffed in fond annoyance and got up, leaning down to give Martin a kiss on the head and then shooing the crime of a cat off to the kitchen. 

"You can't give me a moment of reprieve, can you?" He stretched and followed the cat out the bedroom. 

He filled Paper's bowl and sat on the floor leaning his back on the cabinet, closing his eyes as Paper chewed his food noisily. 

He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew, he was awakened by a soft tap on his head. He looked up blearily and smiled. The cat had long since finished eating and found a home in Jon's lap. 

"Morning love." Martin murmured softly, matching his tone to the serene atmosphere. After hesitating a moment, he bent down and sat next to Jon. Jon looked at him adoringly as he absent-mindedly stroked Paper, humming along to his purrs. Martin joined him, petting Paper, their hands occasionally (and very purposefully) brushing against each other. 

After a few minutes of calm silence, Martin spoke up. 

"You know, this reminds me of that first day we met. In the stacks."

Jon smiled at the memory. "Ahh yes, all three of us had a very fateful meeting there, didn't we? God, I was so stressed back then." 

"You handled it pretty well I have to say. Handled my nervousness pretty well too." Martin chuckled. 

"I was lucky you were there. You really helped me calm down." Jon admitted. "Well, you and Paper." Jon added fondly. 

"Paper was a really good archive cat wasn't he?" Martin said, leaning into Jon, pressing a warm, still sleepy kiss on his cheek. Jon closed his eyes, grateful for the events that led up to this moment of pure happiness, with his fiance and his cat. 

"Yes, the best cat in the world."