#Dissociating like hell rn

[transfemzedaph]

i am. thinking.

[blueish-bird]

sorry if I don’t remember your name or conversations/experiences or basic things about myself, every few weeks my brain gets factory reset and I have to relearn how to be alive

[dameronswife]

sometimes i just think about poe and it's like. i can't believe you mean this much to me? literally ahead of tfa i just kept scoffing at the descriptions of him, completely expected to be benevolently annoyed with him or meh at best and didn't understand why everyone went off abt how oscar was attractive (like i could tell objectively, but it's rare that i find someone subjectively attractive on a deep level), and then i just. saw poe for the first time on screen in theaters and that was it. instant attraction, and then a few minutes later realizing that oh, no i'm genuinely in love with this man. instant ride or die, we just clicked. i got him on a deeply intimate level just from those few minutes of screentime he has in the movie, that nothing about him following that ever surprised me? just. yeah that's him this makes sense.

and i remember writing what was absolutely self-insert masquerading as canon where r.ey was his best friend and i genuinely meant for it to be platonic but i kept accidentally writing a little bit something more and i genuinely think looking back on it that i probably had a crush and a squish on poe? and he may have started queerplatonic, leaning on alterous (if i'm understanding the term right). like it wasn't straight platonic because i genuinely had/have such a crush on him but it definitely wasn't straight romantic at the time either (and i still have moments where i'm like. yeah i'm definitely feeling qp feelings for him and not romantic ones). and then sometime in 2017, something I guess shifted and I wrote in an oc into that same fic who had a history with him and they both still had feelings for each other and they kissed at the end of the story but didn't wind up with each other, and then i started reading reader fic for him that same year and was like. oh I actually don't mind the idea of kissing him....i kinda wanna. and i also don't mind the idea of a relationship if it's with him, i even want it?

and like ofc things went sideways from there. i stopped reading fic bc my friend made fun of me for reading it and i felt like i was doing smth "wrong" and then the gaslighting of everyone hating him in t.lj when i didn't also severely impacted my ability to be able to enjoy him properly without trying to fold up my actual opinions to 'fit in' more and feeling anxious and not getting to enjoy it, but he was still such a cornerstone of comfort for me at the time. i even wrote my first reader fic in late 2018 to get some comfort from how awful things were in my personal life and it was of him. and then t.ros happened and the fandom got so toxic along w some friend stuff that my spin in poe almost broke (or so i thought), but like?? i spent the whole next year constantly drawn to things that reminded me of poe....read a book that was compared to the st and him a lot....bought a lot of orange things without thinking about it, developed a crush on a character that's like. basically poe with the serial numbers scratched off. all until i found my way back to him at the end of 2020 🥰 and after that i started embracing reader fic again and my romantic feelings for him and then lmao the physical/sexual attraction came in like a wrecking ball shortly thereafter which was New To Say The Least, but.

eeee i don't know i ended up gushing a lot about him but i just. sometimes i really think about the journey i've had with him, and how much good he's genuinely brought into my life. i get to feel all these emotions i never thought i would!! because of him!!! i get to explore new avenues that i wouldn't be interested in or comfortable in pursuing even mentally bc of him!!! he's helped me work through various triggers for my trauma bc they feel safe with him involved? and most importantly - i wouldn't know any of my lovely friends or partners if it wasn't for him? i stuck around in the fandom bc of poe, and that lead me right to my queerplatonic partners and family. i genuinely would not!! be the same person today if i had not fallen in love with that silly flyboy december 20th 2015!!! and isn't that just love in a nutshell?

[piplupod]

me like four days ago to an old friend who msged me to reconnect: "yeah no i think things are settling down maybe after this last month of actual hell"

today: mother's medical situation has been handed a kablooey and the next few months are going to be Even Harder

[mrsmarlasinger]

Every time I snort Wellbutrin I'm like, "This is gonna suck absolute ass." And then it does

[the-adas]

the thing is that I think I am a pretty selfish and self-centered person, but I think that's mainly because everyone around me sucks so why would i give a fuck about them or their feelings and opinions

[onereallygoodlambonastick]

Kotobuki what's up

[peachinspiration]

bro like dude

[jarchivussy]

:-((

[stick-ball]

saw a hc about jean moreau being hyper sexual especially post-ravens. thoughts? feelings?

thoughts AND feelings! Oh the joy of being given a chance for a hot second to discuss this. You came to the right place my love. ❤️

Trigger and age warning : rape, sex connected trauma, dissociation, psychological abuse, controlling relationships, discussion of sexual acts.

Okay so, being hyper sexual. You know who does that in the books? Andrew actually. I know some might look at me weirdly rn like, 'what the hell are you talking about, he doesn't let anyone touch him'. Yeah, that's true! But that doesnt take away from the knee jerk reaction. (I'm sorry I know this isn't exactly what you asked but I need to discuss andrew first, and that has a lot to do with jean, bear with me).

Andrew finds a partner that he can to some limit trust (leverage, deals, careful observation, "training" them to behave how he tells them) to follow his instructions, which gives him a sense of control. They can fuck, but it's him who's doing it. It's him who's touching, kissing ect. The other person, of course if they consent, get to partake but not create the experience. It's one of the very, very valid scenarios of hyper sexuality as a responce to rape. He is rewriting every poisoned nerve ending in his body. He doesn't actually get off from the sex. For his own release he needs privacy, as shown in the books. Andrew's problem can be, that due to his truly inhumane trauma he can fall into the mindset of defining his sense of self through sex. It's an action and he's a tool in this scenario. Then again, We circle back to control, which is also a key feature of his decisions and protectiveness. Taking total control of the situation which used to be utterly outside of it, with no way out of it. Rewriting it, giving the traumatic experience a positive ending, hell an ending - when, and as suddenly as he might want it to end, is the motivator here. I think what he finds satisfying in terms of sex, not control, is giving sexual consent to his partners and, which he finds just as important, them giving it to him. Because it wasn't given to him. It's a way of building trust.

The motivations sound pretty nice, even if heartbreaking, don't they? Seem uplifting? The problem is, even if in good faith, this process can be very harmful, trauma surviviors mention that (at least ones I discussed it with personally) it feels good, but in the long run it does what this type of coping mechanism always does to your brain (similiar reactions can be seen for different traumas), which is hurt it. It's a form of desensitisation that limits your brain's ability to percieve the situation. It's hard to rewrite and leads to hot and cold kind of reactions, so yeah, having a relationship with a capital R is, difficult. That's what I always understood as Nora saying they are never actually okay (andrew and neil). Or at least partly understood it as.

Okay, so this cleared a couple things up. Now JEAN. Jean and Andrew share some factors of their trauma. While not treated as such, Jean was technically fostered by the Moriyamas, and well, Andrew's experiences with being fostered are faaaaar from what it's supposed to be as well. The difference is in Andrew's situation everyone tried to pretend the horror is not happening, there must have been a lot of manipulation and coercion and just plain fucking gaslighting in these houses. Its hard to talk about but I can imagine some of these monsters wanted him to act like he is enjoying it, and thats just out if the emotional range of dealing with for anyone. Jean knew he's in a trap from day one. Moreover, when it comes to the rape's he was victim of it was ordered by Riko to be done by others. That's a different level of fucked up. What's even more important as distinction here is he stopped, when Jean stopped reacting and fighting it. Because what Riko wanted wasn't violation, that was the tool. He wanted to psychologically break him. When the fish stops flailing on the cat stops pushing it around.

And Riko was constant, his modus operandi was regular, and the psychological torture was the motivator behind most of his "conditioning" of Jean. This is a situation where the abuse has a cause for the victim. It sounds sick and I don't agree with it, but it's a game in their mind. In the books we can see that he learned how to limit the amount of attention Riko gave him and as we know he is not confrontational like Andrew with his problems. And yeah I don't mention Neil as confrontational here bcs he has conditioned himself to run from everything and say he's fine to everything so..., sometimes it erupts frk mit but that's not exactly the same, its a last resort.

Circling back, I think Jean is more likely to be sex repulsed. For him sex, which was a form of punishment, is a cause of anxiety. Sexual tension is easy to mix up with nervous tension because of a feeling of losing control of the situation. That's why if we do get romance in the new book, I am putting my money on it being very messy from his pov. The magical thing about trauma responces though, is that they're not black and white, and someone who is sex repulsed might also seek an ending to their anxieties through it. Yet, it's ts a bit of an opposite motivation to the one Andrew has. When Andrew thinks of himself as a tool, Jean is more likely to think of himself as an object. There's a difference. While Andrew wants to take control, Jean is more likely to use it as either a way to retraumatise himself - so his version of hypersexuality would include less control and more roughness and violence, actually trying to rile the partner up. It might stemm for him from low self worth or be a way of letting out his angers and frustrations. It's not that he is used to being hurt, it's that he doesn't expect anything different. I also think he is more likely to have problems with opening up in therapy. Where Andrew is active Jean is passive, and the opposite. The upside is he might actually be more likely to communicate emotionally than through rules and laws, it will take longer, but be a smoother transition, because more people understand it than Andrew's way of building relationships.

Hope this anwser satisfies you, I'm sorry if I got a bit carried away. 😅

[ihavemanyhusbands]

Ettieeeee I wanna thank the universe for making me stumble upon your blog!!! I'm obsessed with all your fics / drabbles about Richie, he's my hyperfixation rn 😭 if you're open for requests, could you pretty please with cherries on top write something where reader has been crushing on Richie for so long but she thinks he's still hung up on Tiff so she decides to move on and date around for a bit.....but then jealous!Richie pops up 🫠 I go INSANE over jealous!Richie fr!!! Thank you ilyyy ❤️❤️❤️

Awwww thank you soooo much this is so sweet!! ❤️❤️❤️ i love me some jealous Richie so yes!

------

You’d been listening to your date talk about himself for what felt like an eternity. He barely even stopped himself to ask questions about you, so you’d been nodding along while you half-dissociated.

The waitress had even gotten you a second glass of wine without you having to ask, giving you a discreet look of support upon delivery. Not that this guy would’ve noticed anyway.

What was his name again? Jason? Blake? It really didn’t matter. Reason being, none of these guys you’d been meeting could make you forget Richie Jerimovich.

Though of course, there was the painful reminder that he was emotionally unavailable. Or so you thought, given the times you’d heard him speaking about Tiffany with Sugar and Carmy.

You understood, of course, even if it still hurt. Not that he knew of your feelings towards him, but that didn’t matter. It was why you thought moving on was a worthy pursuit… at one point, at least.

You were sitting right by the restaurant’s window facing the street, so occasionally you would notice the passerby outside. Though, only out of politeness, you tried to keep eye contact with your date.

And that way, you didn’t notice that the one that was stuck in your mind was actually on the other side of the glass, aghast.

Richie couldn’t even register the sight of you on a date at first. But when he did, jealousy hit him so fiercely it almost surprised him.

“What the fuck?” He muttered.

In all fairness, what you didn’t know was that he had chickened out of asking you out a few times. He thought he’d heard about you maybe meeting someone, but he’d been too wrapped up with the restaurant’s reconstruction to really pay attention.

Though to his very mild relief, he could see that you were not having a good time. You had your chin resting on your hand, looking like you were about to fall asleep.

Scoffing, ranting under his breath about the random jagoff sitting across from you, he dialed your number on his phone before thinking twice about it.

He saw your back straighten in surprise as you mumbled an apology. You stood up quickly, almost tipping your chair in your haste, and stepped to one side.

“Hey, Richie. Is everything okay?” You said.

To hear your voice was a momentary soothing balm, making him lose a little bit of his edge. Dumbly, he realized he had to scramble for a reason to have called you.

“H-hey, uh, there was a… There was a bit of an issue at the Beef, I need someone to come help, but I couldn't get ahold of anyone! You-you're the first one to answer."

"Oh no, um, right now? I could be there in thirty minutes, I think," you said, making your words a little louder but internally relieved beyond belief to cut this date short. "What happened?"

Richie started to move away, having to rush to get there before you. "Er, it'll just be easier when you get here. It's hard to explain over the phone. Just... I'll see you in thirty minutes, okay?"

"Yes, see you!" you said, biting down a smile as you rushed back to your table. "Sorry, I have to go. Work emergency. You understand right?"

The guy blinked at you, appalled beyond words but mouth opening like a confused fish out of water. He raised his hands as if to gesture what the hell?

You grabbed your coat and your purse. "Thanks for dinner, gotta run, sorry bye!"

------

[antlered-angel]

I really hate being in the Hellaverse Fandom sometimes

it’s basically just finding new ways to hate on the show and finding new ways to cancel Vivsepop. it’s exhausting when every fandom interaction is basically walking into a room of horse manure on a 104 degree fahrenheit humid day with a blazing sun at noon.

“oh noooooo everything is red and everyone wears bows and suits” damn how dare a show have a mostly monochromatic color pallete and have characters wear similar attire that was popular across the many time periods they lived in. god forbid the person who created the show make it the way she envisioned it to be (also not to be that guy but i counted 39 characters from the helleverse and only 11 actually had bows on their designs, 8 of which being hazbin hotel characters and 3 being helluva boss characters. do with that info what you will)

“She thinks cursing is good humor!” Viv as been open about the fact that the humor in the show is inspired by seth roland (can’t spell) and Brandon Rogers also does a lot of the jokes on the show, but all talk can focus on is viv and god forbid she try the same humor others have

“oh nooooo, female characters are badly written” are they badly written or are they side characters? are they badly written or is the show you’re watching confirmed to be focusing more on male characters than female characters? hell, hazbin hotel is a female centered show and people tend to focus more on the guys than the gals. idk about yall but i find a lot of the female characters to be written quite well for the time they have in the show i.e verosika mayday, sallie mae, vaggie, carmilla carmine, charlie, lute, velvette, etc.

“vivsepop is racist!” shss literally a woman of color, works with multiple POC, and has multiple characters of color including but not limited to: vaggie, alastor (white passing probably for plot reasons), carmilla and her daughters, velvette, sera, emily, barbie wire, coco, tex, verosika mayday, etc.

“oh noooo vivsepop hired someone with a problematic kink!” last i checked, you can’t fire people for having a kink. Viv is not responsible for what her employees are into. it would be a lot more concerning if her interview process came with questions asking in detail what future employees are sexually into.

“Oh noooo a victim of SA and abuse sings about his abuse” god forbid a character sing about their struggles in a musical. plus it’s straight up said in the song that the character is dissociating and thinking about the life they wish he could’ve had. i’ve seen people listen to entire musicals about guys lying about how they were besties with a suicide victim to get close to his sister and i personally listened to a musical about dead kids fighting for a chance to come back to life after a gruesome roller coaster accident. One song that can be skipped isn’t that bad, i promise. as an SA victim, it’s actually pretty good and accurate to the experience without fetishizing or glorifying it. Also, y’all were perfectly fine with Addict when it came out despite it having similar themes in its music video.

“Sallie mae is a transphobic character!” the trans woman… voiced by a trans woman… written by a trans woman in a short dedicated to the character… a trans woman who was also consulted for the merch designs to make sure that the pinup and bathing suit designs didn’t fall into transphobia or fetish territory (btw no adult character is safe from the pinup or beach outfits, stop with the trans fetish accusations)

there’s so much more but i’m sleepy rn and don’t feel like typing every grievance this fandom has against the show despite actively watching and interacting with it. goddamn just leave this show and the people involved with it alone. how about instead of finding new ways to make this fandom even more of a cesspool, yall find ways to make it actually fun and safe and nontoxic again? wouldn’t that be nice???

[syscultureis]

P-did plural culture is fake claiming ourselves bc we have it "easier" and then going through hell at work bc the wrong person was also in front at the time. And still dissociating to a not great degree(yk,,, bc it's a dissociative disorder😭)

Trying to be kinder to ourself but damn the brain does not like us rn.

.

[bee-named-alex]

So episode 6 of IWTV s2. My thoughts? Many. Enjoy them, I'll try to make it as coherent as possible in my current state. Spoilers and my mental breakdown below the cut

Fuck this. I cannot wait for a week after this episode, how am I supposed to be normal after this???

So I guess I'll start from the start? The tension is in every word and I get why Daniel's getting afraid for his life, I mean I am afraid for his life rn and he's not even real.

The Dubai scenes, they contrast really well with the first couple episodes of this season. The cracks in Loumand relationship are very apparent now, they can't even decide on what painting to have in their house. And I read a post that was like "season 1 was music, season 2 is art" and it's so true and this means like their relationship is empty i guess or something. Maybe just that it's falling apart.

And the way they began this season holding hands and sitting so close, acting like everything was perfect, ready to fight Daniel and now they sit as far away as possible, fight like all the time about everything and Louis and Daniel (and even Rashid I think) keep on further unionizing against Armand... I think that's just great.

And Armand knowing that they know and from the start trying to spin it. I'm not sure how the sentence "Why do you ask, love?" from Louis is like the coldest thing ever but it just is.

I'll talk more about Dubai later.

But now to Paris. Claudia's diary "Fuck these vampires" - girl's so right (in both meanings of that word btw). Claudia was never really my fave, but out of everyone I feel like she deserves a happy ending the most (not counting daniel here) and fuck, she's not getting it. i know but it still hurts like hell.

Her and Madeleine's relationship is great. Inbetween all the plotting and manipulation and murder this feels like one of the only peaceful things. In the scene where Claudia reveals herself I though that she's like Madeleine's guardian angel. But also an angel of death. But Madeleine doesn't mind and I think that's very important, that she doesn't really see Claudia as a monster - or maybe she does, but it doesn't change what she feels (after all, she thinks that she's a monster)

Then the turning. First Louis trying to convince Armand and him not obeying- as Daniel says "maitre only when it's hot or convinient" (it was hot in the art room btw and it's so not fair that we didn't get to see at least a little more i mean that whole scene was inexplicably so hot and i need moreeee).

But it also reminded me of another post, the "Armand is a willingly leashed tiger" because like yeah, Louis has the power up until the point when Armand no longer wants him to have it. (also Louis persuasion being "imagine me without the burden of her" sucks, like sorry but this hurts, even if you didn't mean it and yes it matters if you meant it. But his later method - aka kiss to shut him the hell up - seems much better.)

Then I got a little pissed or perhaps confused at his "Are you asking or making me?" because we know that Louis can't actually make Armand do anything, not when he is 100 % sure he doesnt want to. Because if he could, Armand would've turned Madeleine. (speaking of, Armand not having turned anyone is pretty interesting, but i guess that that's how it was in the books and it was important so sure why not)

Also Louis' "It's ok, it's ok" here reminded me of "Of course, of course!" and also "It's fine, he's fine, we're fine" and it's just so funny how they all think that if they say things over and over again they'll convince themselves that they're true.

The turning itself was beautiful, as Louis said it would be. Like it wasn't violent, there wasn't fear, no tears. Just love and devotion and I'm so sad that Claudia's and Madeleine's beautiful dream didn't last longer.

Louis not caring afterwards is just another exampke of his dissociative state and I worry about his mental well-being. (All of their mental and physical well-beings tbh)

In Dubai again, Armand finally talking about the erased memories and how they both hate on him for it and they're right. Like what do you mean Daniel doesn't have the right to be angry, of course he does. It's fun to see Daniel delighted about fighting Armand.

But also... Louis asked him to get rid of those momeries (if he believe him. And I, in this episode more than ever and despite my better knowledge, do believe Armand. Maybe it's just because of Assad's phenomenal acting but I believe his words and I believe his tears. Which actually makes this all worse btw.) and that makes the whole situation suddenly much more complicated.

Other Paris plot - Santiago (fuck Santiago) and his coup -, yeah that kept me on my toes for the entire episode. Like Armand says that he was in love and Louis says that he got lazy but I just think he must've been blind to not see it.

I feel like Dubai kinda reflects this (Louis and Daniel unionizing as we've said and so it's like Armand losing his power over his people again) but also. Paris and it's aftermath was the biggest crisis of their relationship, must've been (followed by San Francisco and Daniel I'm sure). But now as the recount it they are also reliving it and are also in a full-blown crisis and i hope this one doesn't end in a fire.

And the ending of it all. Fuck. I was near tears watching it.

The double-date in the cafe felt like a dream, they even said in the episode insider that they wanted it to feel surreal or something like that, like a romantic comedy. And for a few minutes it does. They let you believe that they could be happy. You know they won't, you know that shit's about to go down and everything will end in ruin but this single scene makes you beg, no please, no don't fuck it up, just stay happy, like this, it can be good. And despite knowing what's coming, you stick your claws into this idea of happiness like a lifeline.

And then it hurts that much more when this perfect bubble pops.

I admire all the actors because idk what Armand was feeling the moment he stepped outside but through Assad's acting I felt it too. And as Louis looks around, seeing the world stop, here I know exactly what he must've felt- the realization hits, the betrayl and then the immense worry for Claudia and Jacob portrays it so beautifully.

"He chose." This breaks my heart. Because what did he choose exactly, or better yet, what did he choose over? I mean this is terrible, the trial, but what was his other choice? He calls himself a coward so maybe it was Louis and Claudia and Madeleine or him that the coven would go after. But maybe this was actually the better choice idk.

But like you see the regret in Armand's face in Paris but especially in Dubai and I trust him. I believe him that he regrets it, I believe him the tears and as I've said that just makes it so much worse. Because he chose this and now they suffer for it and he suffers for it too and blames himself (rightfully so), but it still hurts.

And then Lestat. Fuck. I knew this was gonna come (I just couldn't help myself and because of my recklessness saw a spoiler, that he's gonna be there) but that in no way did that knowledge diminish what I felt when I saw him. Because, hell, idk I'm just so excited to finally have him back because I love him but also I hate him and am so scared as to what he's gonna do. He's gonna testify against Louis and Claudia sure but what if he won't? Does he want to kill or fuck Louis? Will his and Armand's past play part in this or is that a box to remain unopened until later?

"You cannot script a hurricane" they said and so this means Lestat will go off script. But to what extent? At least to which it results in burning the theatre down.

The preview didn't help my state, quite the contrary actually. Louis in Paris is scared that Lestat's gonna come. Santiago's laughing. What does Armand feel? Who knows not me, I'm just scared. And excited. I feel like I won't fall asleep for two days after this but it's fine. I'm fine, everything's fine.

[ilovebeingt4t]

a (not) little rant about total drama’s portrayal of dissociative identity disorder in ROTI and AS

a few little tidbits before we get into the juice…

-i don’t have DID ! i have a dissociation disorder and i’ve done a lot of research on DID, but that obviously doesn’t mean i know as much as someone in a system would. if i make any mistakes or you want to add/correct anything, please do !

-since there isn’t an official name for the system as a whole, i’m gonna use “mike system” to refer to mike, chester, svetlana, vito, manitoba, and mal as a system

-before anyone says it, i know it’s “just a kids’ show” but it’s a kids’ show i’m insane and not normal about. so i’m very passionate about this. also kids’ shows should still be normal about mental illnesses/disabilities so idc

alright stinkers… let’s get into it

ok ! mike systems DID in ROTI isn’t GOOD representation but it isn’t like. the worst out there compared to some other media. some huge positives are the way the alters have actual triggers, and that everyone in the system IS portrayed as their own person, not just an extension or part of mike. i interpret the “gasp” the body does with switches as a stand in for dissociation (since they couldn’t really have him just sit there and stare into space bc of plot/time reasons) and it’s very easy to assume the role of everyone in the system from their personalities and triggers. the best example of this to me is vito ! vito is a “tough guy” who’s triggered to front by his shirt coming off, it’s easy to put the pieces together and assume his role is a protector who formed due to sexual abuse.

obviously, the use of the outdated term multiple personality disorder, the very quick switches, the fact the writers obviously did not actually research DID and just wanted a silly crazy character, and probably more i’m forgetting rn, are NOT issues to just ignore because of the good stuff. it’s definitely NOT good or super accurate representation by any means, but i don’t think it’s exactly super bad either. it’s iffy but has redeeming qualities to it.

another plus about mike system in ROTI, even though this isn’t really part of the portrayal of DID as a disorder, is that mike has a love interest that isn’t written as a joke. i feel like having mike in a romantic relationship is a BIG positive representation wise. it’s really important to me that even though zoey is confused and weirded out when she didn’t know what was going on, once she found out mike was part of a system she became more understanding and didn’t give up on him. being part of a system doesn’t mean you can’t have a partner, friends, etc and mike being in a wholesome healthy relationship is a nice breath of fresh air compared to other media portraying DID.

NOW. LETS ADDRESS MAL AND ALL STARS. GOOD LORD.

all stars has an issue with watering down characters and making poor plot/character choices in general, and in my opinion it’s the worst with mike system. ROTI had questionable at times but ok DID rep with mike system, which is why it’s so disappointing that AS took the “evil alter” route and whatever the hell the button thing was… bc they were SO close with having ok representation and then they threw it all away for an overdone and harmful stereotype. mike system in ROTI is a MASTERPIECE compared to whatever the hell was going on in AS.

even when you take into account that in a real life system, mal is most similar to the role of a persecutor (an alter who sabotages the body’s relationships and causes harm to the body/other alters as a way to “protect” everyone in their eyes (oops ! i was wrong. a persecutor isn’t always a protector, however they can take the role of a persecutor and protector which is where i got confused. mal is a both a persecutor and protector to me)) which makes SOME of his actions explainable TO AN EXTENT, it’s clear the writers didn’t have that intent and just wanted a spooky evil alter, which is really disappointing. along with the button issue, which is just…. so insane….

i choose to believe for my own sanity that the button was sort of an emergency temporary dormancy button and that chester fr just lied/didn’t know and made something up. but that obviously isn’t canon, and IN CANON the body’s trauma and serious disorder was literally gone because of the PRESS OF A BUTTON and it is absolutely ridiculous. and it’s portrayed as a GOOD THING.

systems are systems because it is the only way the body and brain can maintain stability and live after serious repeated trauma. in a real situation with a system, if there was somehow a way to get rid of alters in literal seconds, the consequences would be ABSOLUTELY DISASTROUS and unstable. obviously, integration and dormancy CAN be a good thing depending on the system, but it is a LOOONG and complicated process and watering it down to the press of a button in your brain is so inappropriate and insensitive. literally why did they do that. it’s just so disappointing to go from what mike system was in roti to what they became in all stars.

sorry u guys i am just passionate about this

[plumsliva]

I COULDNT RESIST THE URGE TO SEND ASKS ⸜(*ˊᗜˋ*)⸝

do you have any off headcannons? or.. more hockeyist thingys :3

and here have a sneak peek at what im doin

YIPPEEEEEE I ACTUALLY REALLY LIKE WHEN PEOPLE SEND ME ASKS EVEN THOUGH IT HAPPENS VERY RARELY :] So about off headcanons.... I do have quite a bit, mainly about the Batter cuz I'm hyperfixated x] - The Batter falls into a state of dissociation every time the Player gets to control him - The Batter growls and hisses like a lizard when he feels agitated or annoyed - The Batter does gremlin sounds when he gets flabbergasted (mainly by something stupid like toaster) - And because of Nightly now I have a headcanon that the Batter can throw tantrums by simply stomping his foot very loudly like bunnies do - The Nothingness is not flat and those Zone stars actually float in space. Also there's no physics and you can basically walk in ANY direction you want (even straight up) - Lucky tickets kinda work like patches but they grow into skin after applying on an injury - Troquantary spectres are the most aggressive ones and probably the most blood-thirsty (mfers literally live in meat and still go out to kill people) - Damien mines are cold as hell that's why you can see the smoke there Also idk what to say about Hockeyist and I don't want to come up with something out of blue rn so I'll just throw this: - At some point @ nightly-production 's Swimmer became his father figure - He would totally say "Sasa Lele" - His headcanon voice is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ma8_GJRLlt8&t=970s (at 16:10 but I'm pretty sure that the link will take you to this timecode (IT'S FUNNY HOW THE GUY IS LIKE "I HAVE NO TIME TO TALK WITH YOU" AND THE HOCKEYIST IS LIKE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF THAT(also there's voicelines with laughing and Hockeyist probably laughs like that))) ALSO I REALLY LOVE HOW YOU DREW HIM AWW HE LOOKS SO TIRED (I wonder what this image on his shirt is)

And here's some sketches just so it won't be just a text post :]