#Don't get me wrong though I FULLY believe she could do it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

azulpitlane · 9 months

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just pr part two I ln4

pairing: lando norris x ricciardo!reader summary: you are beginning to warm up to lando but it all comes crashing down when you overhear something you weren't suppose to, includes writing + smau notes: im back! hope you guys had a good holiday!! p.s if you sent requests i am working on them!! this one is pretty long but i tried to fit it all into one part warnings: a tiny tiny bit of smut, but barely anything part one, masterlist

"So when were you planning on tell me?" Your brother asked accusingly the moment you opened the door of your apartment. A few hours prior, you had called Lando and demanded for him to come over knowing Daniel was going to arrive soon and interrogate you and you refused to deal with this on your own. It was his idea in the first place.

"Um, lovely seeing you too Danny. Need help with your bags?"

"Don't give me the sarcasm right now y/n." You could tell he was genuinely agitated with your response and you sighed and opened the door to let him in. He quickly walked to your kitchen and saw Lando sitting there with a sheepish smile.

"Hey Daniel...how are you?" He immediately knew that was the wrong thing to say since he started stalking his way towards Lando.

"You motherf-"

"OKAY OKAY! Calm down Danny, just sit down and we'll talk." You fortunately were quick enough to stop him from getting to Lando. You gave him a stern look and though you were younger, Danny knew to listen to you when you gave him that look. He reluctantly sat in front of Lando while you sat yourself next to him.

"It's not what you think."

Daniel raised an eyebrow, a mixture of amusement and concern on his face. "Oh, really? Because the pictures and the headlines seem to tell a different story."

Lando, always quick with a comeback, attempted to diffuse the tension. "Well, mate, you know how the media exaggerates everything."

Daniel's gaze shifted between the two of you, and he let out a sigh. "You're dating, aren't you?"

You nodded, feeling the weight of the admission. "It's complicated, Danny. We didn't plan for it to happen."

He leaned back, crossing his arms. "Complicated is an understatement. You're my sister, Y/n. And you," he pointed at Lando, "you're...Lando."

"I'm going to try and not be offended by that."

"You know what I mean. I just don't understand why you didn't tell me before."

"Well we're only two months into our relationship so we wanted to figure things out privately and decide if we were ready to fully commit to each other before telling people." You reciprocated the explanation that you and Lando made up an hour prior.

"And are you fully ready to commit to each other?"

You nudged Lando's thigh since Daniel was staring directly at him, expecting an answer from him.

"Yup. 100%."

Danny responded with a skeptical look, "That doesn't sound too convincing."

You gave Lando a harsher nudge, he was doing an awful job at making this convincing.

"Look, I know I haven't been perfect, but y/n she just...brings out a side of me that nobody else does. I know I should've spoke to you before making a move and I regret not doing so, but I don't regret y/n. And I don't regret that night when we first bumped into each other outside of the paddock," realizing his mistake he quickly added, "where we first admitted our feelings."

You glanced at Lando confused at the pause in his speech, but he avoided eye contact and kept his gaze at Daniel. You weren't sure if he was referring to the night you guys hooked up or if he was just trying to make the relationship believable. You then looked at your brother noticing his expression was softening, a part of you felt guilty for lying to him about this relationship so you quickly added an apology.

"We really are sorry you had to find out through social media, I wish we told you before those pictures were released, but there's no point in dwelling in it now. This relationship wasn't intentional, it just happened and we're serious about it." You said trying to talk as softly as possible to make it believable.

"I can't say i'm thrilled about this, but I forgive you guys. I was just angry at the moment because everybody was saying all these crazy things about my baby sister, and I was mad Lando was the reason behind it. But you guys are grown adults and can make your own decisions so whatever you think is best for your happiness, I will support it."

"Oh thank God." Lando grabbed your head and kissed it, you knew he was doing it to irritate you and you wanted nothing more than to smack him hand away but you just smiled and accepted his affection.

Daniel on the other hand, openly showed his disgust and quickly added, "Okay, don't push it."

yourusername

liked by landonorris, danielricciardo and 290,335 others

yourusername im just a girl (with a himbo bf and overprotective brother)

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user THE HAND PLACEMENT OH LORD

user just fell on my knees

user himbo bf is so real

user OKAY SO DANNY OFFICIALLY KNOWS

user it looks like he approves aww

landonorris himbo?

yourusername the jokes write themselves landonorris i dont get it? what is a himbo? user he fr is a himbo im crying user yourusername baby are you sure about this one?

user everybody say thank you y/n because we're gonna get so much lando and daniel content now

yourbff oh! hahaha...

user what does she know🤨 user shes seen the photos of him with other girls i fear...

danielricciardo landonorris hand placement is a bit inappropriate no?

landonorris sorry mate... user she wasn't lying with the overprotective part😭 user daniel is in cockblocker mode

As soon as Danny left, you both quickly left each others embrace and went back to your usual snarky banter. He was quick to leave your apartment but before he could, you stopped him wanting to clear some things up.

"Okay so for this to work, we need a set of rules," Lando rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to say something, "uh, no interruptions please, you can speak when I'm done." You could see him roll his eyes again, but kept his mouth shut nonetheless.

"Rule number one, no kissing in the lips, even in front of the cameras."

"That is so stupid, we alre-"

"What did I say? No speaking until I am done!"

"Bossy. I like this side of you." He smirked at you suggestively and you ignored that comment all together, not wanting to give the satisfaction of a reaction from you.

"Rule number two, no posting each other without permission. We must both approve of the post." He lazily nodded, not really caring about these rules.

"Rule number three, we cannot tell anybody, besides your team of course, that this is fake. I mean nobody, not even your close friends, we can't risk Danny finding out."

"Anything else, princess?"

"Chill with the affection, you were practically hogging me when we were with Daniel."

"You weren't complaining last week when you were under me."

You blushed and quickly used your hair to cover it. You guys hadn't talked about that night and you were trying your best to avoid the topic. It was a drunk mistake, that's it. It's not like either of you would do it again. Even if it was the best sex of your life, you would never admit that out loud.

"Shut up, that was a drunk, stupid mistake," His smirk fell and was replaced with an emotionless look, "rule number four, no talking about that night, got it?"

"Yeah, whatever, can I go now?"

f1gossip

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f1gossip Lando and Y/n in Paris today! The two just landed and are there with a few of Lando's friends. They confirmed their relationship a few weeks ago on instagram posts and sources say they've been together for a few months prior to the posts. Thoughts on the new couple?

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user its funny to think that he might be daniel's brother in law in the future lmfao

user idk about them... lando was just seen with other girls before their posts

user probably just friends chill user yeah fr, lando always says those other girls are just his friends

user honestly im happy he's finally settling for a nice girl, no more drama

user it couple

user omg they both love photography...imagine all the pictures they take of one another

user omg. i need to see y/n's camera roll🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️

user the all black fit >>>>>

user the girlfriend effect is starting already

user IM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM (IM OBSESSED WITH THEM)

As you and Lando began the charade of a fake relationship, you couldn't shake off the feeling that this was going to be more complicated than you initially thought. The staged photos, the forced smiles, and the scripted interactions started to wear on you. But for the sake of your relationship with your brother, you pushed through. This is the first time you and Lando left Monaco together and he had dragged you to Paris for a few events he had. You were there with his friends so you had to keep up with your act practically all the time until you went to sleep.

"Wait, we're sharing a room?"

Lando raised an eyebrow, "Yeah, it's more convincing that way. We're a couple, remember?"

You sighed, realizing the extent of the relationship. "Fine, but no funny business. We stick to the rules."

He smirked, "You're no fun, princess."

You shot him a warning look, "I'm serious, Lando. This is for my brother's sake, not for our amusement."

He chuckled, "Alright, alright. No funny business. I promise."

You begrudgingly entered the room and noticed there was only one bed. You turned to him with a blank look on your face and he gave you an innocent smile, knowing you were pissed.

"Really, Lando? One bed?"

He shrugged, feigning innocence. "Oops, must be a mistake. But it's not like we haven't shared a bed before, right?"

You shot him a glare. "Rule number four."

"What?"

"Rule number four: no talking of the night that got us into this mess in the first place."

"Jesus, you weren't being serious about those rules?"

"Dead serious." You moved around him and got your pajamas from your suitcase to change in the bathroom.

"If I knew you were going to be this boring I would've fake dated someone else." He mumbled in response.

"I heard that!" You yelled from the bathroom.

"Yeah well you were meant to!" He sassily replied.

You came out of the bathroom bare faced and wearing a skimpy set consisting of a tight tank top and tiny shorts. If you knew you would be sharing a room with Lando you would've never packed this, but it was the only thing you had on you right now. You noticed Lando looking at you and you were expecting some sort of remark on your outfit but it never came. He just watched you with a look you could not name, you couldn't help but feel a little self conscious under his hard gaze. You opened your mouth to question him but you were interrupted by three knocks on the door. You quickly went to open it, wanting to get away from the sudden tension in the room.

"Hello! Room service here, may I step in?"

"Oh sure." You didn't even realize Lando had ordered anything while you were in the bathroom.

The man walked in and at that moment he seemed to notice your outfit for the first time and subtly looked you up and down. You felt uncomfortable but before anything else could be said Lando stepped in front of you and tipped the guy. He blushed knowing he was caught and quickly made his way out.

"Uhh what did you order?" You asked wanting to fill the weird silence in the room.

"Hot chocolate, it's uh for you." You gave him a questioning gaze and you didn't know if you were hallucinating but it looked like he was blushing. "Daniel mentioned something about you guys always sneaking out of bed to drink a cup of chocolate before sleeping when you were younger and you had an insane amount of chocolate when I went over to your apartment so I'm guessing you still do it."

You couldn't help but smile at the memory he mentioned. It was a tradition you and Daniel had when you were kids, sneaking out of bed to share a cup of hot chocolate before sleeping. It was a comforting routine that continued into your teenage years. The fact that Lando remembered and went through the trouble of ordering it made you soften towards him, at least for a moment.

"Wow, you actually remembered that?" You chuckled, feeling a bit nostalgic.

Lando scratched the back of his head, a bit embarrassed. "Yeah, well, I thought it might help make this whole pr thing a bit more bearable. Plus, I know you love it."

You sighed, realizing that maybe there was more to Lando than just the cocky and flirtatious exterior he presented. "Thanks, Lando. That was...unexpectedly sweet."

He shrugged, trying to downplay it. "Well, don't get used to it. It's a one-time thing. Im gonna uh get in the shower now."

You nodded and he left you alone with your thoughts, you couldn't shake off the mixed emotions swirling within you. This fake relationship was becoming more complicated by the day, but there were moments, like this one, that blurred the lines between acting and reality. You couldn't deny that there was a connection between you and Lando, even if it was born out of necessity. You sat on the bed and picked up a book to stop your overthinking, it was just a cup of chocolate. No big deal.

Lando came out of the shower and was faced with an empty cup and you knocked out on the bed. He picked up your book and marked the page you left off on before placing it on the bedside table. He grabbed a pillow and blanket and got comfortable on the small couch in the room before he drifted off into sleep.

The next morning you woke up before Lando and quickly noticed he was not sleeping in the bed next to you. You felt bad seeing him cramped in the small couch across from the bed and you mentally kicked yourself for falling asleep before you could volunteer to take the couch, he was the one that paid after all. You got up and silently approached him, he looked so peaceful and you thought about how chivalrous his gesture was. You knew there was more to him than his arrogant persona, but you were surprised he was letting you see a part of the real him after all this time.

"I know I'm attractive but watching me sleep is a little creepy don't you think?" He said suddenly while keeping his eyes closed.

There was that arrogance.

"Oh you're awake? There goes my opportunity to strangle you in your sleep."

"Kinky girl."

"Just shut up and get up, we have a lot to do."

landonorris posted a story

You were shocked when none of Lando's friends joined you two today seeing as you were exploring the city. Once he had told you they wanted to do their own thing, you expected for him to go back to his cocky self since there was nobody around, but he constantly kept a hold on your hand, gave you his jacket when you got cold, and even helped with your photography.

You had brought your camera in hopes to capture some good pictures of the city of love and he helped by giving you some ideas. You were confused by his kind behavior since you guys kept a low profile and weren't recognized by anybody as you walked around. You didn't mind this side of Lando though and appreciated this personality before he became a cocky jerk again.

"Did your team tip off any paparazzi anywhere that I should be aware of?" You asked thinking maybe there was someone watching.

"Uh no actually. I asked for a calm day before we go to the event later tonight. That's where all the photographers will be."

"Huh, so you're telling me you organized this whole day yourself?" You asked slowly not understanding why his team would set up a day in Paris with just you two without exposure to it.

Lando grinned mischievously, "Well, I thought we could use a break from the chaos. Plus, Paris is a beautiful city, and it seemed like a waste not to explore it properly."

You raised an eyebrow, still skeptical of his sudden change in behavior. "And you're not going to pull some elaborate prank or reveal that this was all a setup?"

He chuckled, shaking his head. "No pranks, no setups. Just a day to enjoy the city and each other's company. Is that so hard to believe?"

Considering Lando's usual antics, it was indeed hard to believe. However, you decided to go along with it, enjoying the unexpected break from the scripted events and staged moments.

As you continued exploring the streets of Paris, Lando pointed out interesting landmarks, shared anecdotes about his previous visits, and even suggested some hidden gems for your photography. The day unfolded in a surprisingly genuine and enjoyable manner.

At a quaint café, Lando insisted on treating you to a cup of coffee, saying, "Consider it a thank you for putting up with my chaotic world for the past few days."

You couldn't help but smile, finding this side of Lando surprisingly endearing. "You're not so bad when you're not trying to be a pain, you know?"

He winked, "I'll take that as a compliment."

The two of you strolled along the Seine River, taking in the iconic sights of Paris. The Eiffel Tower loomed in the distance, and you couldn't resist capturing the moment with your camera.

As you snapped a few pictures, Lando leaned in and whispered, "You know, you're not so bad either, princess."

You rolled your eyes, but there was a warmth in your chest that you couldn't deny. Maybe, just maybe, there was more to this fake relationship than meets the eye.

The day passed in a blur of laughter, shared moments, and a surprising connection that seemed to grow stronger with each passing hour. It was a side of Lando you hadn't expected, and you found yourself enjoying his company without the pressure of the public eye.

yourusername

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yourusername j'adore paris

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user mother posted!!!

yourbff you look absolutely incredible..and he's there

yourusername 😭😭 be nice! landonorris im starting to think you dont like me... user LMFAO OMG

user y/n.jpg WHEN????

user lando taking her to the city of love...yeah they're not breaking up anytime soon

landonorris my pretty girl

user 🫠🫠 user oh to be lando's pretty girl, y/n won at life

user remind me how lando pulled her??? shes so gorgeous

user he beat the norizz allegations

danielricciardo there should be a jumpscare warning for the last slide!

user HAHAHAHA landonorris why am i always being attacked in y/ns comments

As Lando mentioned, you were going to make appearance at the PSG game which you actually were excited for since you were a big football fanatic. You both changed and met up with his friends in the lobby before heading out again. The game was going great and you had even met some of the guys' girlfriends and befriended them rather quickly. After being surrounded by men the whole trip, you were glad to have some women around you to socialize with. You then all made plans as a group to go to an after-party to celebrate the teams win.

The party was huge, there were even some PSG players there and you were suddenly glad you chose a nice outfit to go to the game with, not wanting to feel underdressed.

As the night wore on, Lando pulled you aside again, away from the bustling crowd. "Having fun, princess?"

You nodded, a smile playing on your lips. "Yeah, surprisingly. Your friends are great dancers, by the way."

He grinned, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "Well, we're a talented bunch. But you're the best dancer here."

You laughed, not expecting the compliment. "Flattery will get you nowhere, Lando."

He leaned in, his lips dangerously close to your ear. "I don't know about that. Flattery seems to be working quite well tonight."

You rolled your eyes, trying to hide the blush that threatened to surface. "Smooth talker."

"Only to you." He replied and he stepped closer to tug a piece of hair behind your ear. You became aware of his proximity and couldn't help to feel your heart start racing. You instinctively put your hands on his shoulder as he looked down on your lips. You felt yourself leaning in before something caught your eye over his shoulder, a camera. Someone was filming, that's why he was acting like this. You don't know why the idea made you a little sad, so you snapped out of it and turned your head so his lips landed on your cheek. His eyes were filled with confusion, weren't you just leaning in too? Did you not feel the spark that ignited between you two today?

“No kissing. Even on camera, remember?” You said sadly then rejoined the girls as he stood there confused.

You spent the rest of the night separately until the girls decided they were tired. You volunteered to go look for the boys and as soon as you stepped outside through the backdoor you heard Lando’s voice.

“I mean we just started and I’m already regretting it. Its just so hard to be around her, she has all these rules that im technically breaking by telling you,”

Your heart dropped realizing he was talking about you. You stopped listening, not wanting to hear the rest because you knew it would only hurt. You realized how much you were beginning to like Lando thinking you could get through the constant facade he has, but after hearing his words you were starting to think it wasn’t a facade. He was just mean. You began to wonder if all the other snarky and rude remarks he made weren’t sarcasm, but the real way he felt about you.

You went back inside, not wanting to be caught eavesdropping, and saw the rest of the girls had reunited with their boyfriends so you assured them they could leave and you were just waiting for Lando. With teary eyes you made your way to the small bar and ordered a water.

As you sat at the bar, nursing your water, you couldn't shake off the mix of emotions swirling within you. The revelations from Lando's words had left you feeling hurt and confused. You had let your guard down, allowed yourself to enjoy the night, and now it seemed like it was all a part of some elaborate act.

“Not having a good time?”

You looked up and were slightly starstruck to see Kylian Mbappe sitting next to you.

“Um no not anymore, unless youre the host of this party! Then im having a blast.”

He laughed at your comment and you blushed in embarrassment.

"Don't worry, it's not my party. Why are you alone?"

"I'm just waiting for my friends, they're outside."

"Hm, so why aren't you outside with them...?"

"Y/n." You replied knowing he was subtly asking. "But I just uh needed some water," you said quickly trying to think of an excuse.

"Y/n's a beautiful name, I'm Kylian."

"Oh I know." He raised his eyebrows at your response but before he could say anything else Lando had appeared out of nowhere. He gave you a tight lipped smile and put his arm around your waist after seeing who you were talking to.

"Kylian! It's good to see you mate, sorry to interrupt but we were just heading out." He said as he used his other hand to shake Kylian's.

Kylian reciprocated the handshake with a friendly smile, though his eyes flickered with curiosity at the sudden appearance of Lando.

"No problem at all," Kylian replied, glancing between you and Lando. "Nice meeting you, Y/n. Enjoy the rest of the night."

You nodded, a bit flustered by the unexpected attention from both men. "You too, Kylian. Maybe catch you at another party."

As Kylian excused himself, you turned your attention to Lando, who still had his arm around your waist. His grip felt possessive, and you couldn't help but shoot him a questioning look.

"What was that about?" you asked, a hint of irritation in your voice.

Lando's gaze flickered between you and the direction Kylian had walked off. "Just making sure everything's alright. I noticed you talking to him."

"It's not like I was in distress. We were just having a casual conversation." You replied before being dragged away by Lando and seeing his friend, Romeo, trail behind you too. Ahh so that's who he was talking to.

Lando raised an eyebrow, his tone slightly defensive. "Casual conversation, huh? Seemed more than that."

The ride home was quiet, none of you knowing what to say after your almost kiss and hearing him talk about you. You thought about the situation the whole ride to the hotel and were getting angrier by the second, he was the one that suggested this idea and now he was regretting it? And worst of all, why was he talking to others about this and not you?

"As soon as you got to your room your thoughts were interrupted by Lando's voice, "What if someone had taken pictures? Do you know how bad that would look on your part? Flirting with other men while in a relationship with me."

You rolled your eyes and defended yourself, "I was not flirting with him."

"That's not what it looked like to me." He said with a hard tone.

"Why do you care? We're not really dating."

"Oh I know, you remind me any time you can, but we're doing this for the sake of your reputation too."

"As if you cared about me and maybe I remind you all the time because in reality I would never date an asshole like you." You answered bitterly as you moved around the room trying to get yourself ready for bed.

Lando followed your movements and gave you a hurt yet irritated look, "An asshole, huh? That's what you think of me?"

"Yeah."

"You know, you're no prize either! You only think of yourself that you fail to see the obvious." Responded with clear frustration in his voice.

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?"

Lando's frustration boiled over as he paced around the room. "It means you're so caught up in your own world that you don't see beyond your own nose. You're oblivious to what's happening around you. I'm trying here, more than you can understand."

You scoffed, not buying into his sudden change in tone. "Oh please, spare me the act. You're the one regretting this whole thing, talking about it with your friends, and then acting possessive when I talk to someone else? What game are you playing, Lando?"

He looked at you in confusion, "When did I say I regretted..." Realization hit him as he remembered the events from earlier that day, "you heard me talking to Romeo. No, no you don't understand, it's just... more complicated than I thought."

You crossed your arms, not willing to let him off the hook that easily. "Complicated? Enlighten me."

Lando hesitated for a moment before speaking. "I didn't expect... I didn't expect to care, alright? But spending time with you, even in this ridiculous situation, it's messing with my head. And it's not just about the reputation, it's... something else."

You raised an eyebrow, "Something else? Care to elaborate?" You asked with attitude.

He groaned, having enough with your sassy tone, and before you knew it, your back was getting pushed into the wall as Lando trapped you with his arms on the side of your head. You got flashbacks of the party as you looked up at his face that was only centimeters away from yours.

"You're so frustrating y/n. I told Romeo I regretted this because it's so hard to be around you when all I think about is the night I fucked you." You sucked a breath in, shocked by his bold statement. He brought one of his hand down to your jaw and traced his thumb on your bottom lip. "I have to hold myself back when I'm around you, you have completely fucked with my head, it's so infuriating."

"Then...then why did you agree to this whole fake dating thing?" You asked, almost whispering.

He chuckled and replied, "I didn't have to agree to it. It was my idea." Your eyes filled with confusion, remembering he had told you it was his team's idea, "I suggested it so I could get another chance to get a taste of you. Tell me you don't want this. Tell me you haven't thought of that night we had sex." He asked with a gaze full of lust and frustration.

You could feel your walls crumbling down at his seductive tone and close proximity. You shook your head and weakly responded, "I can't."

He smirked at you before taking one of your hands in his own and moving it to his hardened cock.

"This enough elaboration for you?" He asked with a cocky tone. You could feel yourself getting wet and had enough of his teasing. You moved your hands to his face and brought it to your own. The kiss was messy and full of built up frustration and anger, a perfect combination to your relationship.

As the passionate kiss continued, you found yourself getting lost in the moment, forgetting the complications and frustrations that had filled the air just moments ago. Lando's lips moved against yours with a mixture of intensity and tenderness, creating a whirlwind of emotions within you.

Eventually, he pulled away, his eyes searching yours for a reaction. Your breath was heavy, and the room felt charged with tension. Lando's fingers traced the outline of your jaw, and he spoke in a low, husky voice, "I can't keep pretending, y/n. This is more than just a pr stunt for me."

Conflicting emotions swirled within you. On one hand, you couldn't deny the undeniable chemistry and connection you shared with Lando. On the other hand, the complications and rules that had governed your fake relationship loomed in the background.

"I don't even know what this is anymore," you admitted, your voice shaky.

Lando leaned in, placing a soft kiss on your forehead. "Maybe it's time we stop pretending and figure it out together. No more rules, no more faking."

As you looked into his eyes, you saw a vulnerability that you hadn't expected. It was as if the arrogant facade he had meticulously maintained was crumbling, revealing the real Lando beneath.

"Can we even do that?" you wondered aloud.

Lando smiled, a genuine and sincere expression that took you by surprise. "I want to try, y/n."

You sighed, feeling a mixture of uncertainty and excitement. "What about the paparazzi, the public, and your career?"

"I don't care about any of that if it means I can be with you," he confessed, his gaze unwavering.

With a tentative smile, you nodded, realizing that maybe that maybe you can trust Lando after all.

As the night continued, you had deja vu to the night that got you and Lando in this position in the first place, except this time he was gentler and made you feel special.

more notes: im not comfortable enough to write smut, sorry🧍‍♀️and as per usual, this is not proofread lol

tags: @gulphulp, @cassiopeiia24

#lando norris #f1 x reader #lando norris fanfic #lando norris imagine #lando norris smau #lando norris x reader #lando norris x y/n #lando norris x you #ln4 #f1 fanfic #mclaren #formula one #formula 1

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onskepa · 3 months

Note

Hey saw tou were open!!

Could you do a ronal x platonic female reader, who is having her first mother's day as a new mom. She goes to ronal and explains the earth holiday. As part of her tradition she gives ronal a mother's day gift and ronal gets to see cute teeny tiny human baby!

Hellooooooo~!! So when I read this one, I knew just where to put it! Enjoy~!!

Irayo pt1

-------------

Irayo: Best mama's around!

Ronal kept herself busy these past few days. More busy than usual. Anything to distract the lingering worry of her friend, Irayo. It has been 8 days now, Ronal counted since her last visit. Not just ronal who worries, but her daughter young tsireya is now questioning where her auntie is. Her, and slowly the villagers begin to worry.

Not to make her worries any better, Ronal has no way to communicate with Irayo. She remembers clearly, the last time she was her friend. Everything was fine that day, irayo behaved normal, acted as normal as she could be. Made another set of friendship bracelets, helped take care of tsireya, did her part in the village. Everything was normal.

So why now is she gone? Are the sky demons preventing her from returning? Did they deem her useless now? Is she alright?

So many questions linger in Ronal's mind. Anything she does, her worries are not calmed down. If by day 10 irayo does not return, ronal can only fear the worse.

“A little bit dramatic, don't you think?” Irayo asks as she plays patty cake with little tsireya. Ronal was too busy hugging her from the side, saying how worried she was and what possible routes irayo was going through.

“Not dramatic, only worried,” Ronal says, a bit stubbornly.

Irayo can only laugh at the tsahik’s antics.

“What happened? Why were you gone for many days?” Ronal finally asks. Needing to know if whatever happened, that irayo was alright.

“I am fine, its just I wasnt feeling well and I had to be examined to find out what was wrong” irayo answers. This made Ronal more worried. “And? Are you well? Why didnt you come to me? I could have helped you” ronal gently scolded. Irayo only shook her and answered in her own way.

She smiled and grabbed Ronal by the hands, guiding them to her belly.

“I am pregnant”

Those three words echoed in ronal’s head, slowing taking in what the human just said. Her eyes were wide, almost unbelieving what she said.

Irayo laughed at Ronal’s reaction. Tsireya laughs as well even though she doesn't know why.

“And who is the fool who believes he is worthy of you?”

Word spread of Irayo’s return and the news of her pregnancy, the people went a bit wild. Welcoming her back, many gave her gently hugs, being mindful of her belly. Even though irayo said she was only 2 weeks pregnant, none took it lightly. Pregnancy at an early stage, any stage really, is the most important. Anything can happen.

So the villagers, and by extension ronal and tonowari, made sure irayo only did safe, light tasks. Some had given her many things for her baby when its born. Children would follow irayo and ask her so many questions, like what is the difference between a na’vi baby and a human baby. Will the baby be blue or a different color? Small or big? Cute or ugly?

So many things and Irayo was just happy to resume it all. Even more now that soon, her little one will get to experience the same excitement as she does. Her stage is still early, but no doubt her motherly instincts kicked in.

As time goes on, ronal allowed irayo to take care of tsireya more often, to practice in how to take care of a baby. Would talk about her experiences in taking care of an infant and so on. However Ronal does not know how much of the information will be useful to her friend. As she does not know how different a human baby is to a na’vi baby.

And as the months go by, ronal witnesses irayo’s belly growing. While she may not fully show it, Ronal is secretly excited for the baby to arrive. One day, when Irayo was 4 months pregnant, she asked a sudden question.

“Would you like to feel the baby?”

This question surprised ronal.

In na’vi customs, pregnant females only allow their mates or really close family members to touch their bellies.

Is it the same for humans?

“Can I…?” Ronal asks hesitantly.

Irayo nods and gently places ronal’s bigger hands onto her growing belly.

“The baby is still small, but in future months, they will move and might even kick,” irayo explains. Being still, Ronal can sense a small heart beat. From her experience, this small heart beat sounds healthy.

“You baby is strong,” she comments. Irayo giggles, she doesn't doubt ronal. She can feel her baby.

“Baby?” little tsireya echos the word as she waddles over to the two mothers. Practicing how to mother with the little one, irayo feels she is ready. But slight doubt still lingers in her.

Playing with the child's hair, Irayo confesses her inner struggles.

“Ronal…do you think I will be a good mother?” she asks.

Ronal looks at her friend, a sad smile on the human's face. “Of course you will be. Perhaps not perfect, but a good mother. I have seen you around my child, with the villagers' children. Why think you will not be?”

“I don't know, maybe it is just my mind playing games. I see how you raise tsireya, when she was born to now. You are wonderful to her. You have far more experience than I. the other women, I see how they handle their babies. I fear that whatever I will try, it won't be enough. That maybe I will fail and-”

Ronal places her hands gently on irayo’s cheek, making her look at her.

“You will be a wonderful mother to your baby. Anything you will do, shall do, will be seen as perfection to your baby because it will be all that they know. I am not perfect irayo, no one else. I make my own mistakes, but we learn and so will you”

“Learn!” tsireya repeated.

Both ladies look down at the little girl with soft smiles.

Irayo leans a bit to kiss tsireya’s head.

“At least my baby will have someone to look up to”

9 months had come to completion. Ronal wasnt able to see irayo for a while. Irayo explained she will need to be under constant supervision since the due date was nearing. Ronal understood, but the inner fears and anxiety creeps every night.

Will irayo be alright? Will the birth be safe? Will the baby be healthy?

So many questions, ronal even suggested she helps to deliver the baby. Willing to push aside her own personal views of the sky demons for the sake of her friend. While irayo was happy, she couldn't.

And it wasn't for another 3 months that finally, irayo returned. This time she wasn't alone.

She came to the village with her baby.

Everyone was so ecstatic!

They all surrounded her and her baby. Welcoming her back and welcoming the baby as well. Her baby was so cute! Mothers praised the little one, seeing how healthy the baby looked. And many more for being curious, it was the first time they have seen a human baby! Who knew they could be adorable?

However the crowd was quickly disbursed by the presence of ronald and tonowari with tsireya in her father’s arms.

Ronal of course was the first to hug irayo, letting out a long relieved sigh.

“Thank Eywa you have returned” she whispers. Looking at irayo, she didnt know if it was the sun, or something else but the human had a natural glow in her physic. That motherly glow all females have after birth. It made irayo look stunning.

“I am happy to be back,” irayo says.

Soft babbles were heard, in the small bassinet was the human baby.

Leaning down, ronal took a good look at the human baby.

“Has your eyes…” she comments.

The baby stared at ronal, no fear, only fascination.

“Would you like to carry my baby?” Irayo asks, knowing ronal wants to. Without needing to answer, ronal carefully and gently holds the baby into her arms.

“Baby!” tsireya squeals.

Tonowari chuckles, “yes me’ite, it is a baby. We must be careful and be gentle” he says, tsireya nodding.

“Your baby is so beautiful…oh Eywa, maybe you bless this baby with a great life and a wonderful future” ronal prays.

Tonowari gestures irayo to a certain direction, “come, there is much to talk about”

Tsireya was entertaining the baby, showing many toys and singing little songs. Never keeping her eyes away from her new friend.

Irayo sits beside ronal, “I have a gift for you~” she teases.

“I wonder what it could be”

Already knowing what it is.

As predicted, irayo brought out 4 bracelets, “new BFF’s bands!” irayo says happily.

Carefully tying it around ronal’s wrist, doing the same for herself, tsireya and her baby. “We shall commemorate this day as our first mother’s day!” she goes on.

Ronal looks at her curiously.

“Mother’s day? What is that?”

“Mother’s day is a human tradition. Once a year on a special day, we celebrate our mothers. Giving them gifts, a day to relax, and appreciating them overall. So, this is my gift to you and to myself. It is not often celebrated here with my co-workers but at least I can celebrate it with you!” irayo happily answers.

Looking down at her new bracelet, tracing over the beads and sea glass, she likes it.

“Gifts huh…well then, I have a gift for you as well” ronal says.

This makes irayo get closer, already excited.

“What is it?” irayo answers. Ronal answers deadpanned.

“I am pregnant”

NGL I got carried away but I like it! So, until next time! See ya!

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heavyhitterheaux · 4 months

Text

Not a Baby Anymore

First Babies of Private Garden Fic

Synopsis: You and Jack have to get on the same page regarding Axel, who clearly lets you know that he is tired of being treated what he believes is unfairly by you

Pairing: Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

Axel hadn't been your biggest fan after he had asked you if he could go to soccer camp after school was going to be let out in a few weeks. You had your hesitations of him being away from you for a long period of time and even though he was getting older, you weren't quite ready for it. So, of course you told him no. That led to him catching an attitude with you and running straight to his room but not before telling you that ‘You never let me do anything. I wish dad was here more.’

You were trying to explain your reasoning to him, but he didn't want to hear it. Jack was due to be back later that evening and you had a strong feeling that he was going to try and convince you otherwise.

Once Jack had made it in the door and saw you sitting in the living room on your phone, he simply sat down next to you before sliding you onto his lap. Your arms immediately went around his neck and he gave you several kisses.

“I missed you.” You whispered against his lips before giving him another kiss which instantly made a smile come to his face.

“I missed you too. Where are all my babies?” Jack asked as he wrapped his arms around you.”

“Ivy and Autumn are in the backyard, Cam and Cash are with my parents, and Axel was in his room the last time I checked. Nova is working on her science project.”

“Hmm, that's weird. He's usually all up under you. I'm surprised he lets you breathe sometimes.” Jack knew early on that the bond you and Axel shared was special since the both of you almost lost your lives.

He remembered when he was going back and forth from your hospital room in the ICU to the NICU to see the triplets and how he was probably either going to lose his wife or one of his children. Those were the longest few days of his life and he didn't know what he was going to do if you left him before he properly got to have a chance at fixing your marriage.

“Aht! Not too much on my baby boy.” You answered while playfully hitting Jack who laughed.

“Our baby boy is almost fourteen.”

“Your point!? But I know he missed you.” But you didn't mention the argument that you two got in earlier which was why he was now in his room. Because he didn't want to be near you.

“Well let me go check on them. I'll be back.”

Jack slid you off his lap before kissing your forehead and going upstairs to see Axel.

He noticed that his door was open and he poked his head in, excited to be reunited with one of his oldest babies only to see him angrily wiping tears away from his face.

“Ax what's wrong? Did something happen?” Jack asked as he stepped fully into his room and sat next to him on his bed.

“I want to go to soccer camp.”

“Okay, just let me know all the details about it and we'll pay for you to go. Why the tears?” Jack answered, but he could tell that there was something else.

Axel shook his head no and Jack looked at him confused.

“Ax?”

“I already asked mom and she said no.”

“What? Did she tell you why?”

“No, I walked away from her. She never lets me do anything especially when you aren't here. She lets my sisters do anything they want, but I have to stay home.”

This was the first time that Axel vocalized this to Jack and he quickly grew annoyed with you.

“You want to go?”

“Yes. All my friends are going.”

“Then that settles it. I’ll deal with your mother.”

“I don't understand why she always tells me no.”

“Don't worry. I’ll talk to her.”

“Dad?”

“Hmm?”

“Can we have pizza for dinner? If I had asked mom she would have probably told me no too.”

Jack stifled a laugh before answering him.

“We’ll order it when Cash and Cam come back.”

Little did Jack know that you had been standing on the top step listening to their conversation and was going to confront him about it. You quietly snuck back down the steps to sit in the living room and bide your time.

Jack stayed with Axel for another twenty minutes before going to see the girls and then made his way back inside.

—

“Jackman….” Jack heard you say his name as he heard your footsteps approach from behind him and he immediately sighed because he knew a shitstorm was coming. He had just left Axel's room for the second time and had made his way downstairs to find something to snack on.

“Yes, baby?” He replied as he turned around to face you.

“Why did you tell Axel that it was okay for him to go to soccer camp when I specifically told him no?”

“Because you are overprotective of him and never let him do anything.” Jack said being completely honest as he shrugged.

“What? No I'm not!”

“Babe, yes you are. You aren't like that with Ivy and Autumn and let them do anything that they ask within reason. Why doesn't Axel get the same treatment?”

“I do give him the same treatment!”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself? You let me teach him how to play and it took me months to convince you to say yes. Our baby boy is growing up and it's about time you accepted that.”

“Well yes! He has asthma! That was my entire reasoning.”

“That is well controlled. He hasn't had an attack since he was 6 and takes his meds on a daily basis.”

“But what if something happens and I'm not there? Did we forget that we almost lost him?”

“Y/N…. Thirteen years ago. He is fine and going to make good choices. All of his friends are going and I don't want him to feel left out.”

“I still don't know. The thought makes me nervous.”

“He's not going to be far from home and it's only for two weeks.”

“TWO WEEKS? No, that's too long for him to be away from us. Absolutely not.”

“So let me ask you this. When he becomes an adult because you know that's eventually going to happen, right? Are you going to be babying him like this? And sheltering him? How is he supposed to experience anything? I'm convinced that you're going to go to college with him too.” Jack explained, but all you did was roll your eyes.

“My answer is still no.”

“And I told him yes. My second born came to me in tears, upset and told me how when I'm not here and he asks you to do something nine times out of ten you tell him no. This is something that he really wants to do and his mom shouldn't be ruining that for him.”

“But he's my baby.” You quietly said as you were trying to blink back tears. All of your children held a special place in your heart but you admit you took extra precautions when it came to Axel because he wasn't dealt the best hand when you brought him into the world.

“And he's mine too. I want all of them to be able to experience things and have opportunities but one child shouldn't feel like he's being left out.”

Just then you heard footsteps and turned to see that it was Axel who was trying to wipe the remnants of his tears away before you saw them making your heart break.

“Axel…” You started to say, but he immediately went over to Jack.

“She won't let me go will she?” He asked as he looked up at him and all Jack did was sigh.

“Ax, turn around and ask her.”

“Why? She's probably going to say no like she always does.”

“All I want to do is protect you.” You said as your eyes started to water.

“I'm not a baby anymore! And I'm tired of you treating me like one. I take my meds every day and I haven't been in the hospital since I was six. I want to go to soccer camp with my friends!”

Crossing your arms, you gathered your thoughts before responding.

“I know that you aren't a baby anymore, but this is hard for me. I know I say this all the time, but I didn't even think that you would make it to six months old. So can you understand why I`m so hesitant. But if this is what you want, okay.” You responded while shrugging.

“Wait, that's it?” Axel asked, thinking that you were going to put up more of a fight.

“Yes.”

“But there are going to be rules that you have to follow.” Jack piped up and Axel eagerly nodded.

“You call us everyday, set an alarm on your phone for your meds and take your inhaler with you. If at any point you don't feel well, you tell them immediately so that they’ll be able to get you the help you need. This will be the test to see if you can be responsible enough to be away from us.” Jack explained while Axel was actively listening.

“Okay, I will. Promise.”

As you stood off to the side, Jack looked at Axel and nudged his head in your direction while you weren't looking.

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

Axel didn't respond, but instead hugged you and you tightly hugged him back.

“I promise that I'll be fine.”

“I know you will.”

—

“That woman has one more time to look at you before I go off.” You told Jack as both of you were at Axel's championship soccer game for his team. It was the last day of summer camp and you could tell that you and Jack made the right choice even though it took a little convincing on his part to get you to say yes.

All Jack did was laugh before wrapping an arm around you and kissing your cheek.

“Baby, please don't. We're here to see Axel play.”

“She is giving you bedroom eyes. I can focus on two things at the same time!”

“The only person that I'm going into a bedroom with is you so she can forget it. But focus on Axel!”

“Fine, but when the game is over I'll deal with her.”

It was down to the last few seconds and the game was tied when Anthony, Axel's best friend and teammate passed him the ball which he kicked right into the net and scored, winning the game.

You and Jack erupted in cheers as his teammates gathered around him and picked him up.

Once the crowd died down, you and Jack made your way onto the field and Axel immediately ran to the both of you. Once he reached you, both of you immediately brought him into a hug.

“So proud of you.” You whispered in his ear as he hugged you both tighter.

“Thank you for letting me come.”

“Anything to see our baby happy. Now where are we going to celebrate your amazing championship winning goal?”

“Hmm Wing Stop?”

“I… seriously?” Jack said as he looked at the both of you.

“Momma's baby. You should already know.” You responded while shrugging.

The three of you were walking back to Jack’s car when Axel turned to look at him.

“Hmm, I guess you are a good teacher after all.” Axel told Jack.

“Obviously, you get your talent from me.”

“I thought that I got it from mom?”Axel playfully asked.

“WHAT? Since when does your mom play soccer?”

“See? Our son knows he got all his good qualities from me.”

“Not that attitude.” Jack shot back and you immediately rolled your eyes as Axel laughed.

“But being a soccer mom does look good on you.”

“I make anything look good.” You said while winking.

“Including dad.”

“HEY! Don't you two start! But I have to agree.”

“Mom, do you think I'm good enough to go pro?” Axel asked as your eyes went wide.

“Um Ax, let's just get through the rest of today first. I don't think your mom is ready to have a constant series of panic attacks if you play professionally.”

“Only if I come with you to every practice, workout session, and game of course!”

“On second thought, never mind.”

“I'll get us all matching shirts.”

“Dad, make it stop.”

“Nope, you asked for this.”

#jack harlow #jack harlow fic #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x black reader #jack harlow fanfic #jack harlow fluff #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow imagines #jack harlow fanfiction #jackman thomas harlow

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munivrse · 11 months

Text

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Too close

closeted bada, bf-to-ex howl, secret gf y/n.

c/w: angst. angry howl, homophobia, minor and very, very minor physical harm done to bada. closeted bada, out and proud reader. its alooooot of angst. some comfort at the end though so don't worry!

a/n: the characters depicted are not related nor based off of their personalities in real life. this is purely fiction. also shout out to @wrosie-writes. they wanted to see anti howl fic. they ask, they shall receive. enjoy!

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

"are you okay?"

bada hears howl, but she's more concerned with the contents on her phone than she is with him.

"i'm fine." bada tries to make it sound as believable as possible.

“i don’t get you.” howl glares at her, eyes boring into the back of her head.

“...what are you talking about?”

“you and y/n. you’re just really close with her. you confide in her, you trust her. it kind of pisses me off if i’m being honest.”

bada moves her focus from the tv to howl who stands behind the couch she sits on. she looks at him incredulously. why is he bringing this up now?

“what prompted this?”

“you. i know you’re texting her right now.”

bada challenges him, “and if i am?”

howl rolls his eyes and runs a hand through his hair. he was so fucking fed up with you. every chance you got, you were with howl and bada. howl felt like you were intruding all the time, meanwhile, bada told you to not be a stranger. he was angry.

“i want you to stop talking to her.”

bada fully turns around and blinks up at him, “what?”

howl’s eyes narrow, “you heard me. stop talking to her.”

bada shakes her head, “i shouldn’t have to choose. don’t make me choose.”

howl stands firm and bada almost caves. a part of her loves howl. another part of her loves you, deeply.

bada stands up and tries to walk around him. what the fuck was she supposed to do? why was he putting her in this impossible position?

“lets go to bed and talk about this in the morning. please.”

bada continues walking towards their shared bedroom but howl stops her. he grabs hold of her wrist and pulls, “don’t walk away from me. you’re avoiding this.”

she wrenches her hand out of his grip and rubs at her wrist. he’d never done that before and it hurt. it hurt.

“i just don’t want to talk about it right now.”

howl frowns and tries to grab at her again but bada dodges his advancement toward her. she shifts to the other side of the island in their kitchen.

“i dont like this.”

she felt scared. small.

howl raises his voice, “you know what i don’t like? watching my girlfriend be mentally intimate with another person. you’re not even fucking her, you just care too much about her. you pour yourself into her instead of me. god, bada, we havent had sex in weeks! you barely let me hold your hand. Is it y/n? is she forcing you to do something you don’t want to do?”

bada’s jaw drops momentarily. but her shock is replaced with anger and frustration. distress and confusion. “what did you mean by that last part?” she leans forward and places her hands on the surface in front of her.

“you heard me. i know y/n likes women. is she coming on to you? you know i don’t like that and i can make her stop if you want me to. just say the words.”

bada shakes her head, confusion still drawn on her face, “you can make her stop? how? and what do you think it is that she could possibly be doing? what’s so wrong with her liking women?”

howl puts his head in his hands. he couldn’t believe how dense bada was acting. it’s like she didnt understand that-

“i don’t like that about her. you know that doesn’t sit right with me. i can take care of it. of her.”

fear pools in the bottom of bada’s stomach. she gets nauseous and thinks carefully about her next words as they mean alot for your own personal safety. she did not want to compromise that. she… she did not want to compromise herself either. she tries to act passive and pulls out her phone. she sends you a quick “sos” and sets her phone on the counter.

“you don’t need to take care of anything. stop worrying about it. about me. about her. everything is fine. i’m tired baby, can we please just let this go for the night?”

she glances down as she sees the texts coming in from you.

are you okay?

please answer me.

are you at howls?

its late, i need to know if you’re safe

i see your location, i’m on the way

*y/n has shared their location with you*

i’ll be there in 10 minutes. if it’s howl messing with you again, i swear to god i’ll take that fucker out tonight.

howl rounds the corner of the island and takes steady strides to bada and she stumbles back, praying that you show up sooner rather than later.

“you don’t see how she’s fucking with your head? she doesn’t love you like i do, bada.” howl reaches a hand up to bada’s face.

bada shakes in fear, its creeping up her spine and she can feel his breath on her face. he’s too close.

he’s too brave.

bada takes his hand in hers and places it back down by his side,

“you don’t love me howl. I’m something for you to show off like a trophy to your friends. I have no real meaning to you. you dress me up and make me out to be whoever you want me to be, but i’m not her. I’m not the girl you want me to be so desperately.”

bada straightens up for the first time in a couple months and she laughs as she realizes - her and howl stand at the same height. it makes her chuckle in his face. she advances towards him instead and now, the tables turn. howl looks almost… disturbed? shocked? he’d never seen bada be so… firm. so confident.

“y/n lets me be myself. fully. she accepts every part of me without question. her love is unconditional with no limit. no ceiling. there are no dealbreakers- she just loves me. howl i cant even wear sweatshirts around you without you saying i’m not being feminine enough. i’m not pretty enough. but y/n? it doesn’t matter what the fuck i have on because its me. and she loves me regardless.”

bada’s phone dings again and as she looks down at it, its you.

i’m parked, i’m in the elevator going to your floor now

bada walks around howl to their bedroom, he follows.

“where do you think you’re going?” howl crosses his arms.

bada grabs her emergency bag, only needing a couple items since you already had half of her wardrobe at your apartment. “i’m going out. i’m not sure when i’ll be back.”

she exits the bedroom and makes her way to the door,

“and let me just tell you this, howl. If it came between you and y/n, i will always choose y/n. without question.”

and as if on cue, the doorbell rings. bada swings the door open to reveal you in a pair of sweatpants and one of her sweatshirts draped on your body. bada tries her best to shield howl from your sight and exit as swiftly as she possibly can given the situation, but howl grabs her arm and yanks. you hear bada hiss, and as soon as you lay eyes on howl, you feel rage encompass your entire being. you step into the door and remove his hand from her arm, pulling bada from out of the door frame and behind you.

“how dare you lay your fucking hands on her? are you kidding me?” you take a step forward but bada pulls you back and intertwines her hand with your own, “let’s go y/n. please”

howl’s body is slumped, insecurity swallowing him whole. you can't help but laugh at him. he was such a fucking idiot. you turn around and scan bada for any harm, luckily, she seems fine other than being a little shaken up. you lean up to give her a kiss on her cheek and take one last look at howl. pathetic. you both turn to walk away and howl hopes bada turns around to look at him, show any waver of uncertainty. but she never looks back, she just moves forward. with you.

──⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

your fingers twirl through bada’s hair. she’d changed into comfy clothes once you guys got home and now she’s sprawled out on top of you, head laying on your chest.

“you okay?” your hand pushes the hair out of her face. you feel her nod. she shifts so that her head is resting upright.

“i am now.” she grins up to you, pressing her lips against your own. she really meant it this time.

#bada lee #bada lee x reader #bada lee smut #smut #bada x reader #swf 2 #fuck howl #not irl #but still fuck depicted howl #swf 2 x reader #lee bada x reader #lee bada #street woman fighter x reader

661 notes · View notes

mayariviolet · 1 month

Text

𝐏𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐞𝐚 / 𝐈’𝐦 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐌𝐚𝐧.

Episode Two of First Love / Late Spring.

summary: “You believe me like a god; I'll destroy you like I am.” // “Please don’t look at me. I can see it in your eyes; he keeps looking at me. Tell me, what have you done?” //

Some letters that were addressed to you dated before and after Suguru defected, still in their sealed envelopes.

══════════════════

cw: f!reader x Geto, mentions of murder, blood, mental instability, swearing, suggestive themes, angst, Geto being over protective.

a/n: Hi… sorry it took me so long to update this my cousin died in March and I haven’t been the same since… Thank you all for being so patient! Also, so sorry if I forgot to tag someone on this update. My mind has been all over the place. Gonna also link the songs the titles are based on so y’all can see the vision fr. Also on Ao3.

wc: 5.9k

🏷️: @jeanboyjean @tacobellfreshavocado @r0ckst4rjk

August 2007

One week before he defected.

Dear Friend,

Do you ever think about that saying, "people are captains of their own fate?" I do. Then again, what about those who think they're "captains of their fate." Or even worse- a fully prepared fool who still gets it wrong. Where do these people end up? Were they predestined to fail?

Anyhow, I think I'm about to make a big mistake.

Well, I've been thinking about this decision for a while. In general, I've been thinking a lot. You've probably noticed my absent stares and maybe you said something in regards to how I look. But I'm having trouble remembering. If you didn't notice, I don't blame you. Even though I want you to notice. You've been going gone through a lot. But then again, so have I.

Yuki and I had a conversation that stuck with me. If you're wondering, it's not about what my kind of woman is. I'm still embarrassed that you overheard that. Even more so, I didn't give a direct answer. However, I don't think my coy, halfway glances at you gave away too much…

When you pulled Haibara away for something I can't remember now (I think you were asking me to come take a look at your door), Yuki plopped down next to me. She was spread out obnoxiously, and my eyes were too heavy to see her expression.

Thus, I was resigned to her rants and entertained some of her ideas. Somewhere in that conversation it brought to light some questions that had been rattling around my brain after what happened with Rika. I'm trying to push away those uncertainties.

I should clear the air right now- you did what you could. What happened or did not happen is not your fault. I will tell you that a million times- however many you need.

If anything, it's my fault for not being there for you. I will always be there for you. It might be in a way that doesn't make sense, but I am there nonetheless.

Sorry about making excuses and skipping our movie nights. Sleeping has been difficult. Maybe it's because you're not here. I don't want you to worry about me- but I also do at the same time. It's an odd feeling, wanting something or someone, having multiple opportunities to do something about it, and letting time slip you by either way.

As I'm writing this, I remember a conversation with your mom about how "right now time is your friend. But later, time will be your enemy."

Maybe tomorrow we can have a conversation about how I'm feeling. I always feel at ease talking to you.

I hope that feeling is mutual.

Sincerely and with love,

Suguru.

Four days before he defected.

Dear Friend,

Uhm, unfortunately, our conversation did not… go well. That's putting it lightly. When I told you about my plan, the expression plastered on your face was something I would carry with me forever. It was agonizing to see you look at me with such disgust.

My chest was tightening, and I could feel you pulling at my hair sharply as you braided it before letting go. Watching you stomp out of my bedroom door through the reflection of my rickety vanity mirror, I have never felt worse in my life, but at the same time, so firm in the choice I'm making—a paradox in real time.

I didn't say it in my last letter, but I'm leaving Jujutsu Society and this bullshit mission made by people who probably need help wiping their ass.

Sorry, that last part was a little profane, but I know you agree with it. I mean, what good is there in protecting people who don't even appreciate what you do? I spent a lot of time reflecting on what happened in the last year and a half, outweighing the pros and cons. The pros obviously involved you, but the cons also involved you.

There's also the fact that I spend a lot of time sitting in my dark room- until the sun is barrelling over the horizon and seeping into my blinds. I wish you had been there during those moments. I'll think about our childhood, your birthday party, how we began writing letters, the day we got recruited to become Jujutsu sorcerers and the overwhelming optimism you had.

We had an opportunity to escape that hell hole town, and we took it without even thinking that staying there might have been less painful than leaving. Sure, we had a couple of surface-level friends, but at the end of the day, we had each other.

God, I wish that was enough.

I think about how happy people must be living in their ignorance, and I get angry again. So, I write. Primarily to you, even though I never express my frustrations. I'm infuriated that no matter what we do, how much we I excorsise curses (that, if born from my own emotions, would definitely be a Special Grade in its own right), it's not enough for those gas bags.

Yes, I might be considered one of the 'strongest,' but I don't want to be, at least, for people who don't deserve it. It's annoying, though, how you've maintained your optimism all of these years.

I shouldn't say annoying.

It's endearing how you want to nurture the world I want to burn to the ground. Well, 'burning to the ground' is a little extreme. I should say I want to make the world a better place for you and me, not those monkeys.

Emphasis on only for you and me.

Sincerely and with love,

Suguru.

══════════════════

September 2007

The day he defected.

Dear Friend,

Well, what's done is done. I'm leaving today. I'd like to say that I'm going without any regrets, but I have one stupid thing sticking around my head. Yaga asked if there was anyone who might be interested in accompanying me on this mission I've been assigned. He kept glancing over my shoulder.

I didn't need to turn around to see who he was talking about. You and Satoru were doing some training or something of the sort. My fist tightened when Satoru told you a stupid joke, and you laughed.

I mean, he's not that funny…

I wasn't mad that you were laughing at his joke, obviously. I was furious because, for the first time since we were kids, I felt disconnected from my body. To be honest, I've been feeling like this for a while. Like I was floating above it all, and what I saw was a future without us, me, you.

You should know by now what I told Yaga.

I'll leave my door open with a note in the hopes you can understand. Or even better yet, come find me after this mission is done.

Sincerely and with love,

Suguru.

Two and a half weeks after he defected.

Dear Friend,

Sorry I haven't written in a while. I've been preoccupied with this mission and tying up some loose ends. I'll explain later, please don't mind the blood on this letter. I didn't write for a while since I half expected to see you with flushed cheeks chasing after me.

I should've known better than to wait for you.

Alas, laying low due to tying up said loose ends is proving to be quite time-consuming. So here's a recap of what I've gotten up to:

Finished the mission (easy work)

Adopted twin girls (not easy work)

Visited our hometown

Saw my parents (not easy work)

Visited your parents (kind of easy work?)

I checked in on that grandma we used to help (unfortunately, she's sick, so my visit was brief).

I explained to my parents the predicament I've found myself in (See the part where I said 'not easy work').

Argued with my parents and then yours.

Settled into my childhood bedroom from complete exhaustion of arguing with those monkeys.

Set a plan to finish up with my loose ends…

I hope you're well. The rain is washing away any residual blood (not mine) on my things. I'll have to stop by a pharmacy to get some hydrogen peroxide to lift any stains the rain might miss.

Drink some tea, and get some sleep. If you're missing me like I am missing you, just sleep with that sweater I gave you. Although it's not me, I hope it will be enough in the meantime. In a roundabout way, it's like I'm still there holding you while you sleep, right? At least, that's how I like to think about it.

Don't worry. I'm not mad that you kept it; I always thought it looked better on you than it did on me.

Sincerely and with love,

Suguru

(P.S.) My letters will be spread more from here on out. I don't want to accidentally leave anything that might make it easier for someone to find my whereabouts. That doesn't mean I'm not thinking about you. I'm always thinking about you.

══════════════════

October 2007

One month after he defected.

Dear Friend,

It feels like every time I write to you, I apologize for not saying enough. Which is funny, because that's how we I started writing letters to each other in the first place. Well, kinda. From now on, I'll keep my apologies to a minimum.

It's hard to keep track of the days that are passing, but I know that by now, Satoru has told you what I've done. It's completely necessary, by the way.

Killing my parents. Killing yours. Killing that grandmother. She was sick anyway.

I would like to think I put her out of her misery. I killed whatever remained of that god-forsaken, hell-hole town. I'll spare the details of what happened when I exterminated our my old life.

Just know that I had no remorse for killing your father and only a little for your mother. They died knowing you were okay and, unfortunately, with a smile on their face. I was surprised that they didn't immediately turn into curses. I guess you've been talking to them. Or were talking to them.

When I left that town bloodied and empty, I felt like a bird finally escaping a circus master's cage. Doing all of this will make it easier to forget. It was the closing chapter of a book I had no pleasure in reading. Please don't thank me for what I've done.

Right now, Mimiko and Nanako (the twin girls I saved during that mission) are having a hard time sleeping. I'm watching their furrowed brows and how their mouths twitch in their sleep. I guess even in their dreams, they can't rest. Sounds like someone I know knew.

In about five minutes, one of them will wake up and then another. I'll need to tend to their troubled minds soon enough. Before that happens, I will say sorry one last time. Sorry.

Knowing you, you're probably waiting up for me, probably in your room, probably waiting with Satoru, whose sweaty palms and jittery disposition betray his cool facade.

Maybe Satoru will take my absence as an opportunity to teach you about Digimon. It will be nice for you to take up another hobby. Or get into gardening again. I remember how much you wanted to start.

Eat well, get some sleep (or try to), and be kind to yourself. At least enough for both of us. Hell knows I haven't done that in a while.

Sincerely and with love,

Suguru.

══════════════════

November 2007

Two months since he defected.

Dear Friend,

There was something in my last letter that I forgot to mention. It was one of the things that I told Satoru. I said that I hated righteous people- which is true to some capacity.

Sincerely and with love,

Suguru.

Two and a half months after he defected.

Dear Friend,

We're getting rain again. I realized that I might be repeating the same mistakes as your monkey parents by being too proud to lease a decent place. But things are getting harder to maneuver through what little connections to jujutsu society I have without tipping off any higher-ups. Mei Mei offered me some jobs that she said 'wasn't worth her time for the money.'

I guess I'm worthless.

But money is money, and I have two daughters now. Is it possible for curses to smell even worse when the holidays come around? I suppose so- with all the lonely people without any family to celebrate with. You can't help but think that they may have isolated themselves. I don't blame them.

Long story short, I've scraped up enough money to lease a place away from the higher-ups. Should I start looking for furniture made by sorcerers? Or should I swallow my pride and just buy some mid-tier premade stuff? Second hand? But then again- there's the issue of residual curse energy. But I could always take care of that.

I'm feeling exhausted again.

Sincerely and with love,

Suguru.

══════════════════

February 3rd 2008

Six months after he defected.

Dear Friend,

Maybe it's the nostalgia, maybe it's the first birthday I'm celebrating without you, but I keep reliving that weekend prior to it all. That house in Okinawa. The moon was hanging in the sky while the stars pricked the darkness, shining brightly. Sounds of waves crashing against the rocky shore, pulling whatever footprints or human error into the black abyss.

There wasn't a cloud in the sky. You insisted that Satoru get some sleep and that we take turns keeping watch. He shook his head and stupidly emphasized that he was fine. Satoru's heavily lidded expression did very little to disguise his fatigue- both of us could tell.

I was watching you, and you were watching him. I felt sick.

Satoru suggested that you get some rest first since you planned the whole trip for Rika, and you scowled before trudging over to the couch, insisting that you weren't tired. I wanted to grab your face and kiss that annoyance away, over and over again- maybe a little more. When you inevitably passed out, I glanced over to Satoru, who looked more alert now that you were asleep. It was like the task of keeping Rika alive had the same level of importance as dog sitting.

I wondered if you ever noticed. Or noticed that I've shared that same expression since we were kids.

I guess there's no use in ruminating. Today, I ran some errands, nothing major. I had a cake that Mimiko and Nanako decorated; they started calling me 'Papa Geto.' It's sweet.

I forgot to mention that while I was rearranging some furniture, a journal that I have kept since we were kids got knocked down from a bookshelf and pathetically fell on the ground. Mimiko and Nanako bolted like a feral tanuki.

I was mildly horrified at what they might have seen (before remembering that they aren't super great at reading yet, and then I relaxed slightly).

What happened next was probably worse than some scribbled preteen angst. They found the picture of us on your birthday, where I had your birthday cake all over my face. That was the first of many years when my parents bought you a birthday cake.

My girls laughed at me (why is it that when a child laughs at you, it's exponentially more mortifying than if an adult was?) but were incredibly kind to you.

After scolding them for not respecting other people's belongings (ironic given the subject matter of the photo), they apologized and asked who the 'pretty girl' in the picture was.

Embarrassment was replaced with excitement as I got to talk about you.

Anyhow, the money I've made from expelling curses prior to defecting is depleting rather quickly, so I need to come up with some plan.

Sincerely,

Suguru.

══════════════════

April 2008

Eight months since he defected.

Dear,

Dear Friend,

Spring is here, and I have taken over the former Star Plasma Vessel Church, or cult, or whatever those idiots called it. In addition to having some stable footing, there's a roof over my head that I don't have to thank some monkey landlord for giving me it. It's very cozy, to say the least. Which I think was the realtors code for 'small and borderline inhabitable.'

It'll be some time before I'm able to build a decent following, but those who decided to stay will do so for now. Mimiko and Nanako are being homeschooled for the time being- until I find a school that is okay with my standards.

I was grocery shopping the other day, and I found some green tea that you might like. Before I could even think, it was in my basket next to some sugary cereal for my girls. I was mentally shooting myself in the foot because I'm on a budget (at least for a while).

I don't even like green tea, for goodness sake. But that night, I found myself fixing two cups, one with a dollop of sweetened condensed milk and a spoonful of honey, stirred counter-clockwise. The other one was disgustingly plain, and I steeped the leaves a little too long.

I drank the plain tea, stewing in my impulsivity. The other cup was a milky brown; it was unappealing and painfully sweet, yet I found a warmth spilling over me. I must have been half asleep, but somewhere in my delirium, I thought I heard you scold me for taking a sip of your drink.

My eyes shot open immediately, and I frantically looked around the kitchen. Had some monkey snuck up on me? I shudder at the thought. But that wasn't the case. Just my mind playing tricks on me. I should get more sleep.

I hope you've been getting some, too- you need to get stronger. Anyway, I finished the rest of my tea and grabbed the other cup, which was ice cold. I poured the drink and watched it trickle down the steel sink- before crawling into bed.

I don't know why I thought that was worth mentioning.

Sincerely and with love,

Suguru.

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June 2008

Ten months since he defected.

Dear Friend,

Do you ever think about how dreams can be worse than reality? Writing that down seems silly because you know more than anyone, and considering I've held you until we fell asleep, I should know the answer. In truth, whenever I held you, I thought it would be a good opportunity to say things to you that I couldn't do while you were awake, as if these letters weren't enough!

I used to say really embarrassing things and a sadistic part of me wished you would wake up and ask me if I really meant what I said- but I digress.

It's hard to distinguish alcohol-laced dreams (brought upon by terrible dates the girls have insisted I go on) from memories. All that to say, I had a vivid dream (?) of how I think my first kiss went.

Autumn had brought about a cool night and an impulsive decision to sneak into an amusement park. We drunkenly went on this massive Ferris wheel, and you pulled out a cigarette and offered me a drag. I said no, and for some reason, we got into an argument and then sat in silence.

At some point, I thought to myself, "When will this ride stop?" then, by some miracle, it did! We sat in silence, and then I started smoking a cigarette too. Maybe because it felt cold in my dream, but the warm glow of nicotine and your body kept me warm. Then I kissed you.

Writing about this now… it's too clear to just be a dream. I hope it wasn't a dream. My youth seems so distant compared to where I am now.

The humidity is so oppressive. I feel like I'm soaking in my own sweat. It seems a little facetious to say that now. I keep recalling pockets of my adolescence. It's kind of like a gum packet you thought was empty, but when you go to dispose of it- there are actually three pieces left.

There's poetry in that somewhere, not to mansplain. Obviously.

Excuse my tangents; I'm still trying to recruit new curse users, not to mention pacifying the congregation at my Church, and my mind is so disorganized.

What's new, though?

Sincerely and with love always,

Suguru.

══════════════════

September 2008

One year since he defected.

Dear, Friend,

Dear Friend,

I went on a walk the other day. The sun was just rising above the horizon, nothing was open, and everything was quiet except for the few stragglers who had missed the last train. Some of them reeked of curses and desperation; it's enough to make a person grow a second stomach and throw it back up.

I did collect some in passing (in case I need it later), but I found no joy in helping others who can't even help themselves. This is what we sorcerers were made for, right? Cleaning up shit that's not even ours? I'm getting sidetracked again.

If you're wondering about my influence over the former Star Plasma Church- it's going okay. Slowly but surely, I'll get a more extensive following. I cannot remember if I told you this, but I have decided to promote myself as a monk. I am relying on word of mouth and exorcising curses or "performing miracles," to gain some trust.

Anyhow, if I'm going to exorcise these curses, I'll make sure to get a steady income. I am a father, after all. Hopefully, there's something else to gain from that. But I can only do this for so long. Please remind me to think of a more permanent solution.

The sun is rising again.

Sincerely and with love always,

Suguru.

(P.S.) I know you can't ever remind me of anything, really, but like always I feel a little more at ease writing this down.

══════════════════

December 2008

One year after, he defected.

Dear Friend,

Merry Christmas. Or, happy holidays. I've been keeping busy, and I hope you have been, too. Technically, this is my second Christmas / Holiday without you. It's still as weird as the first.

Actually, I don't know if it will ever get comfortable.

People say that the holidays are the worst for people like me. Exacerbated loneliness and the weather all contribute to an increase in curses. It's great money, but how useful is that?

I mean, you could have all the money in the world and still be miserable. Recently, I've started to gain traction from this stout millionaire who always seems to have a gang of curses around at all times.

We met by an unfortunate yet beneficial accident. Apparently, he's one of the few dimwits who can see curses. He's been aimlessly wandering about, trying to find someone to help, but no one believed him.

I was taking the girls to an optometrist appointment, and while I was finishing some paperwork, I overheard this screeching. Curiosity took over me, so I snuck a glance into the room behind the secretary's desk.

There was a massive commotion with several doctors trying to reassure that man I was talking about before. It turns out that he could see curses, and when no one was looking, I exorcised them for him. It was second nature to help someone so pathetic. He kept on calling me a miracle worker- insane! I guess I've been like that since I was little… However, he kept thanking me, and an idea popped into my head:

If I can get a steady number of people to pay for my miracles, I could make an obscene amount of money and have better insurance for separation from the higher-ups.

This man seems to come from money or considerable influence. Maybe he can be my test case. It's getting late now, so I should get some rest. I have to dress up as Santa for Mimiko and Nanako.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and a Happy Birthday to Satoru.

Sincerely,

Suguru.

══════════════════

March 2009

Two years since he defected.

Dear Friend,

Recently, I went on a hike. It was okay and long. The ground was wet, and when I got home, I found mud everywhere. I'll tell you about the trail. It was beautiful. A murmuring stream, the wind dancing through the budding trees and a dusty rose sky. You would have loved the flowers. Whenever I see anything flourishing after a tough season, I think about you.

Despite being filled with tourists, non-sorcerers, and whatever, I was able to enjoy the sunset. Mimiko and Nanako had extra tutoring lessons, so I took advantage of the little free time I had. However, after being constantly bombarded with questions about anything and seemingly endless children's movies, the quiet that followed disturbed me.

Once I reached the end of the trail, I found myself eager to see my girls. But the hike was long, and I thought it would be a waste if I didn't stay for a minute or two. I thought it would be nice to take some pictures, so I did that before locating a place to sit. I found a wooden bench tucked underneath this wisteria tree (how it grew there is a mystery). My mind wandered aimlessly; funnily enough, I just now remembered we had that assignment due before I left.

I apologize for not doing my part. Do you think we could still submit it? Haha.

Anyways, while sitting on a bench, I overheard two people talking. It was a boring conversation, definitely not worth eavesdropping on (you'd probably say otherwise), but for whatever reason, I decided to tune into the tail end of their conversation.

One of them had been blurting out facts in order to keep a dead conversation going. Some of it was interesting, but most of them were things that they probably saw on a popsicle stick. Their friend nodded along, listening intently. This went on for a while until the one who kept spewing facts (let's call them popsicles) said something along the lines of:

"Have you ever thought about how we're a mosaic of every person we've ever met, talked to, or loved?"

Even though I don't know them (nor do I care to), that was probably the most intellectual thing they've ever said in their lives. I thought to myself and laughed.

But then I felt a sort of heaviness in my chest. The more I observed them from my peripheral, the more I could see bits and pieces of the habits they shared. How they playfully hit one another after cracking a joke, covering their mouth after saying something slightly offensive. It made me nostalgic.

On my way back down the trail, I thought about you. It was nearly dark now. I thought about how if I was a mosaic of everyone I ever loved:

"How many pieces of you make up my whole?"

"Which parts of me do you keep?"

I'm glad I'm never sending these letters; I'm probably better off not knowing these answers.

Sincerely and with love,

Suguru.

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November 2010

Three years since he defected.

Dear Friend,

I've realized that it's not love I felt for you but obsession. It's harsh, cruel and painful to put you through that. For me, you were never home. That much is true. Which isn't to say you weren't something. You are a temple, and I am a sinner. If I were to step into the Holy Land you so graciously keep tidy, I would only desecrate it with my ideals.

Unfortunately, I do not want to bathe in the river to clean myself of these thoughts. So, I will seek refuge elsewhere. You deserve that after everything.

Sincerely,

Suguru

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April 2015

Eight years since he defected.

Dear Friend,

I don't think I'll ever get tired of writing to you. Even though you'll never read these, it's stupid how only now have I realized what your father meant when he said it was easier to write things than to say them out loud. Time really is my enemy now. My previous letters mentioned how well Mimiko and Nanako are doing in school. I just thought I would say that again. I'm so incredibly proud of them.

Maybe by now, you have kids of your own- I know that you'll treat them with kindness rather than the contempt your father displayed. I thought about my parents again and their role in my life, but not for long.

You probably saw them as a safe place; to me, they were just there. A starting point to the inevitable destruction brought about by my existence. Did you know that I thought I could always save them? They trusted me to do so and keep you safe as well. Funny how life throws us around.

Work is exhausting, and during the slower days, I let my mind wander to the possible outcomes had I stayed at Jujutsu Tech. Would I be a teacher? Would I be a good teacher? Are we both teachers? You're a patient person- I know that you would be a good teacher. A faculty favourite. How promising would my students be? What would our daily routine be like? How often do we get to see each other in between classes? Are we still friends?

Are we together?

Are we in love?

From what I've gathered, you've taken a bit of a leave…

I'll save myself the hurt of writing the reason why. We both know, and unfortunately, I understand.

There's a storm barrelling towards the Church. Actually, they've issued a squall warning. The skies are rolling with grey plump clouds. I wish I could tell you what a squall is- it sounds dumb, but apparently, it's dangerous.

Sincerely,

Suguru.

══════════════════

September 2016

Nine years since he defected.

Dear Friend,

Allies seem to come from the most unlikely places. That man I was talking about before turned out to be a great asset. I've gotten more followers and even an assistant out of it! If you're wondering, yes, it's vital.

One thing I hate more than people who cannot use jujutsu is paperwork. It takes up so much of my time. Luckily, my secretary has been doing most of the heavy lifting now. We've been working long hours together, and to be honest, I don't mind. She's smart and beautiful. Her attitude kind of reminds me of you.

Sorry about the short letters- historically, mine have been longer than yours, but I have been planning something big that needs my attention. Not to mention, Mimiko and Nanako are entering their phase where everything I do seems to make them cringe.

Years ago, I said that children laughing at you was more mortifying than adults. I still believe that to be true; however, both cannot hold a candle to the shame and quickly depleting self-worth a couple of teenagers laughing at you but promptly saying, "Oh, it's nothing" can do.

My family is growing, not in the way yours is. Or so I've heard.

It fills me with so much joy to be surrounded by other like-minded people. People who believe that in order to obtain peace or a brief period of one- non-curse users should cease to be.

My heart is overflowing- but there's still a piece where you always will be.

Sincerely,

Suguru.

══════════════════

November 2017

Ten years since he defected.

Dear Friend,

Do you ever think about who gets to determine the natural outcome of anything? Is it fate? Is it man? I suppose it's hard to say since answers vary from person to person. I would like to think that it's around sixty percent individual choice and forty percent chance.

I mentioned years ago about a man who could see curses; well, yesterday, I killed him. His use to me finally ran its course. I do thank him for all he's done and the people he's brought to me. My plans are coming to fruition. The Higher Ups have been tracking my movements and expanding my influence. I bet you have already had a debrief on what to expect.

I could see how, on your end, I'm being irrational or unreasonable. But I argue that cleansing the world of non-sorcerers is the only solution. Ending their suffering will put an end to ours.

But God, what I would pay to hear what Yaga is saying! He's probably wearing those stupid sunglasses and cursing. Satoru has asked me to meet with him- probably to ask me, yet again, if I'm really going through with the Night Parade.

My answer remains firm: yes. He's probably going to tell me to stop and think about you.

Like I've said before and like I always tell Satoru, I always think about you. When I meet with Satoru, I'll ask him if he can pass along how I want to see you. The girls are calling me to take them out, so I'll perform my fatherly duties.

I hope you'll say yes. I need to see you at least once.

Sincerely,

Suguru.

══════════════════

December 2017

Three days before the Night Parade of 100 Demons.

Dear,

I must be some sort of pervert to believe that you would run away with me. I don't think pervert is the right word, but that's how I felt right then and there when you rejected me. In all fairness, I couldn't think appropriately after seeing you.

Then again, you must have some masochistic tendencies to agree to meet with me. Your hair looked beautiful, and the way the cigarette burning a bright cherry red hung on your cracked lips reminded me of that night on the Ferris Wheel, which, in fact, did happen.

I came across some old letters to confirm my hazy memory. When the snowflakes landed on your eyelashes, I just about melted, like when the sleepy snow makes its warm welcome for spring. The moon was casting shadows on your tired but beautiful face. You had a glow that made hearing you curse me out a tad more bearable.

But I'm rambling. You couldn't think about going to Shinjuku, right? I could never stop you, even more so now, but I can't back down. Not even for you- which I think was detrimental for us both ten years ago and now.

Seeing you standing next to Satoru, cursing at me, with his hand placed firmly on your hips with a face full of disdain, I think I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. But that's not a proper death. You should be standing next to me!

I watched you walk away in the dark night with a sense of urgency, a new purpose. You will probably fight in your own way, but please let me do this.

I'm not asking you- I am begging you to let me take care of you one last time.

You might not believe me, but everything I have done until now, all the blood I have shed, has been for you. I promise I will spare your children (to be fair, raiding the Gojo estate would be a waste of good sorcerers), but I can't make any promises for anyone else who stands in my way.

It seems contradictory, but I know what I am doing is right.

When I write to you again, it will be something you can read- in the new world, and we will have all the time in the world. No longer beholden to curses, only each other.

Sincerely and with all my love,

Suguru.

a/n: Suguru Geto. The man that you were and the man that you became. I love you either way, my beautiful raven-haired, purple-eyed princess. We’re about half way there! Thank you all for being so patient these last couple of months🤍. Also, apologies for any inconsistencies, I have tried my best to remember the details of this story wah!

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#cw blood #cw suggestive #𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒊’𝒔 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒆𝒔₊˚⊹🪞.𖥔 ݁ ˖📖#suguru x reader #geto x reader #geto suguru x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen angst #jjk geto #geto suguru

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iarrelm · 7 months

Text

Hazbin Hotel Swap AU - Alastor. Husk. Nifty.

Charlie, Vaggie, and Angel

I saw a few different versions of this AU going around and thinking about it made me want to draw my own take on it.

I don't have this fully fleshed out yet but I've been thinking about it for the last few days so here's what I've got so far.

Alastor -> Charlie

He still started out in Hell as the Radio Demon

However, when he disappeared for 7 years, he came back as a seemingly changed man. The first broadcast on his radio show after 7 years of silence was an advertisement for the Radio Demon's new project: The Hazbin Hotel.

Not very many sinners actually managed to hear that advertisement but those that did thought they were hallucinating tbh

I wanna say the reason why he wants to try rehabilitating sinners is mostly because he spent his 7 year hiatus with Lilith, who asked him to do this for her so she could try to convince Charlie (and Lucifer) that they're wrong about sinners. And Alastor decides to do it because Lilith promises that she'll free him from his deal the moment he gets a soul into heaven.

For this AU, I'm gonna say the person who has Alastor on a leash is Eve, and his deal with her is completely unrelated to his 7 year absence.

Because of all that, despite founding the hotel, he doesn't fully believe it's possible to redeem a soul. And it shows sometimes no matter how much he tries to convince the guests otherwise.

Nifty -> Vaggie

When Alastor brought up the hotel and asked for her help, she jumped at the chance and agreed without hesitation.

Alastor is still an overlord and still owns some souls. He owns Nifty's but made it clear to her that he was asking, not ordering, her to help with the hotel.

Before Charlie brings in more staff, she was the one that handled cleaning and pest control and all that other stuff.

She helps him brainstorm ideas for activities. Unfortunately both of them are pretty unhinged so at least 80% of those ideas are unusable

Husk: What the fuck is "Knife Monopoly"?

Alastor and Nifty: :)

She's Alastor's biggest cheerleader and helps him out by enthusiastically participating in any and all hotel activities with a smile

Husk -> Angel Dust

Instead of Alastor, Husk sold his soul to Vox, who became interested in the Gambling Demon after Alastor was seen going in and out of his casino.

Vox ends up using Husk as something like a personal assistant. He runs around all over hell doing anything and everything Vox asks him to.

Immediately after losing his soul, he moves into the Vee's Tower. It's nice because the Vee's tower is one of the most protected places in the pride ring, which means none of the souls he used to own will be able to try to come after him. Unfortunately this also means that Vox has access to an employee that can work overtime whenever he needs him to.

Husk is... so tired.

So when Alastor offers him a room at the hotel, Husk agrees before he can finish his pitch.

Later, he hears the full thing - that Alastor is trying to redeem sinners and thinks he can get Husk into heaven. Husk isn't sure what exactly made Alastor believe that, but a free room is a free room

(He is grateful though. So even if he doesn't think there's a chance in hell that he's getting into heaven, he does put in some effort toward rehabilitation.)

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel swap au #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel husk #nifty hazbin hotel #my art #i was coloring these and i wanna say that alastor's color palette almost defeated me #i wanted him to look a bit more friendly so i added in some brown so the red wasn't so overpowering #but then picking where to use the rest of his colors and where was a struggle #husk and nifty were easy af #i just gave husk and shirt and a tie with vox's colors #and for nifty i just added some yellow and moved her blood splatters around #this would never happen in the show but i really want husk and alastor to be friends okay

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picturejasper20 · 3 months

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Let's talk about Sam's parents and their relationship with Sam because, just wow, it gives quite a lot of context to Sam's character. I'm going to analyse the episode ¨Control Freaks¨ since that is the episode we get to see the most of Sam's family and her relationship with them.

Okay, so, at the start of the episode we have Pam suggesting to Sam to wear a different type of dress- one that is pink with flowers- that resembles the way Pam and Jeremy usually look. They both have more colorful clothes and are more chirpy.

There doesn't seem to be any exactly harmful in this scene- it is Pam just suggesting to Sam to wear something different, she isn't exactly ordering her. However, based on other things they do later in the episode, it wouldn't surprise me that they ¨force¨ these things on Sam, from things she should like to her fashion. Meaning we are already seeing some... questionable aspects of the Mansons parenting.

Danny later shows up in the Manson's house bringing a ¨anti-social¨ music cassette/CD for Sam and Pam and Jeremy look at Danny this way.

Throughout the episode they show their clear disapproval of Danny hanging out with Sam. They see Danny as a ¨bad influence¨ to their own daughter even though is Sam the one who suggested to skip school to see the circus.

They clearly don't like the Fentons, something i can't fully blame them because Jack and Maddie can leave a mess wherever they go to and usually end up shooting the Mansons when they are nearby. But just because they dislike the Fentons, they don't want Sam to be meeting with Danny, not caring how that makes Sam feel.

Like i want to believe this part of the series humor but they go so far to filling a restraining order for Danny to not get near Sam. Just trying to impose certain fashion and likes on Sam wasn't enough, they want to control who she can and can't meet up with.

If they weren't giving wrong vibes already, then lets talk about that ¨anti-goth protest¨ they organized in front of the circus to ¨protect the children¨ that shows up during most of the episode.

I don't know, but they give me the impression of those parents that would try to censor certain type of music or videogames because they are ¨ruining¨ the children. And from what it is implied, this isn't the first time they have organized these type of protests, so it could be assumed they could have done more extreme things in the past.

Honestly, i'm not sure how Pam and Jeremy turned out like this, because Ida is a lot nicer and open minded than they are. In fact, at some point of the episode she shows Sam that she was like her when she was around her age and lets her sneak out to look for Danny.

On last point, one thing i found quite messed up is how at the end of the episode they force Sam to wear that pink dress that Pam suggested her at the start with the condition that she could see Danny again if she did.

Things like these makes me wonder if they usually impose Sam to act and be feminine since she acts differently in contrast to how other girls of her age usually do. There isn't much indication of this, but based on what i have seen so far, i wouldn't rule it out.

Now, look, in spite of everything i'm not sure if i would call Sam's parents downright abusive- they were right about getting mad at Sam for skipping school among other things- but they still come off as controlling and they take things to the extreme. It isn't right for them to forbid Sam for meeting with some of the few friends she has nor force on her how identity and likes should be.

Sam has a lot of issues as character for not changing and having a proper arc, but i can't fully blame her for the way she often acts in the show because, with her parents being like this, i can understand why she would hate authority or show a dislike ¨girl stuff¨. Honestly, i'm surprised that she is okay as a person, since she could turned out a lot worse.

#danny phantom #sam manson #pam manson #Jeremy manson #Ida manson #danny fenton

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mustainegf · 9 days

Note

Hiiii

Can you pretty please write something for the young parent James hetfield AU where Lucy is the biggest daddy's girl and they do everything together but reader feels kinda left out and it's just fluff🙏🏻🙏🏻

HAVE A GREAT DAYYY💕

FINALLY A REQ FOR ONE OF MY AU'S HOLY SHIT!!?!?!?

—➤ 𝐀𝐔’𝐬

𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐒 ¹⁹⁸⁸

I had always dreamed of being a mother, but nothing could have prepared me for Lucy. Our daughter, golden curls and bright blue eyes, the spitting image of her father, was my perfect girl, my everything. Lately though, she seemed to think different.

Every morning's the same. I wake up to tiny feet tapping down the hallway, her high pitched voice calling out, "Daddy! Daddy!" She never looks for me first. It's always James she wants, James she runs to. Every time she bypasses our bedroom, not even glancing in my sleepy direction.

It's what I'm used to, but that doesn't make it hurt less.

This morning, I watched them from the kitchen as I was making breakfast. Lucy was sitting on James's lap, her chubby little hands tugging at his hair, giggles everywhere. James was fully devoted to her, and I don't blame him.

"Good morning, sweetie," I called to Lucy, hoping she'd look my way. But she didn't. She was too busy showing James her new stuffed animal, a gift I'd picked out for her just yesterday.

"Lucy," I tried again, a bit louder this time, "Did you sleep well, baby?"

She kept ignoring me, looking at her dad, who was in his own little world, with her. My chest ticked. All I wanted to do was shrug it off and say that it didn't matter, but it did. It mattered a fucking lot.

I went over to the table with a plate of pancakes and set them down in front of the two. "Lucy, look your favorite," I said, smiling as I attempted, and failed, to catch her eye.

At last, she raised her eyes to mine, and they didn't show interest.

"Lucy, don't you want to say thank you to Mommy?" James urged gently, having felt that something was clearyly wrong.

She looked at me for just a moment, muttering a forced "thank you" before hiding her head in James's shoulder. It hurt.

For the day, I kept busy cleaning, organizing, anything to get my mind off Lucy's uninterest, but it didn't matter what I did, it just didn't take away from the fact that I was losing my daughter to her own father.

I did try to help out the best I could, so I took Lucy out to the park in the afternoon with the hope that spending quality time just with her would bring us closer. "Lucy, honey, do you want to go to park with Mommy? We can play on the swings, your favorite."

She hesitated, looking up at James as if for permission. He smiled back, encouraging, but she wasn't enthused by the prospect. "Um, okay…" she said, her small hand slipping into mine without enthusiasm.

At the park, I did try everything. I pushed her on the swings, played on the jungle gym, I even tried offering her food. Every response or sentence offered always came so sullen, her mood was disinterested. Every time I tried to get her to talk or change her frown to a smile, she'd say, "When are we going home to daddy?"

My heart shattered.

An hour later I gave up and brought her back in. James was in the living room working on his guitar. The moment Lucy glanced at him, her face lit up, and she ran right into his arms. She didn't even glance back at me.

That night, after tucking Lucy in bed, I dropped onto the bed, and I felt the tears rising.

But James knew. He always did.

"You've been quiet today," James commented softly, taking a seat beside me. "Everything okay?"

I nodded, trying to force a smile. "Yeah, I'm just tired."

He looked at me hard, and I knew he didn't believe me. "It's Lucy isn't it?

All I could do was break. "I just... I just don't know what I'm doing wrong, James," I said fearfully. "She doesn't even want to be around me. It's like. it's like she doesn't love me."

James hugged me closer as I began to cry into his chest. "Hey, don't say that," he whispered. "Lucy loves you more than you know. She's just… she's just really attached to me right now. It's not about you."

"But it feels like it is," I sobbed. "It feels like she doesn't even see me."

"shhh, shh,' he comforted, holding me tight until my sobs lessened. He pulled away from me and looked into my watery eyes. "I'm gonna talk to her. She needs to understand she can't treat you like this, even if she doesn't mean to."

The next morning, James kept his promise. He sat down with her again and tried to explain as gently as possible that she was hurting Mommy's feelings. I watched from the doorway, heart still breaking while his words soaked into her brain.

"Mommy loves you so very much, Lucy. When you do these things to her, it makes her sad because you don't show her you love her too. Do you understand?"

Lucy looked at him with wide eyes, clearly confused and just a bit frightened. "I didn't mean to make Mommy sad," she said, her voice sounding so small and guilty.

"I know, sweetheart," James returned, pulling the little girl onto his lap. "But you need to remember that Lucy. Mommy has feelings too. She needs your love just as much as I do."

Lucy looked up at me, her big blue eyes starting to realize the weight of it all. "Mama... I'm sorry," she whispered through a cracking voice, holding out her little arms.

I knelt beside them, pulling her into a tight hug. "It's okay, baby," I said into her forehead, pressing a kiss between her eyes. "Mommy loves you so much.

"I love you too, Mommy," she said with her head buried in my shoulder. I knew she meant it. I felt it.

I rocked her in my arms as James encircled us both. The love I always wanted was right here in this small, beautiful, messy family that we had made.

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bexdrey · 2 months

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READ MORE???

The sun was setting and Drakken had just landed the hovercar. Another failed attempt and this time Drakken was at his wits end. He got so focused in his own thoughts he had forgotten Shego was with him briefly. She'd tried a few times to get his attention but failed. This confused Shego, normally Drakken would go on and on about how next time would be different. He'd immediately try delving into another plan, but this time was different. This defeat felt worse than the others. Drakken found himself walking down parks path, his hands folded behind his back. His eyes fixated on the ground. Until he paused, lowered his arms and looked up at the sky. "I have failed time and time again. I've done countless plans, some... worse than others, but some of them were brilliant!" Drakken suddenly spoke. "And yet every single one of them end in some kind of failure. Heck, I can't even convince you to come with me to Karaoke night anymore." He didn't meet her gaze and only kicked at the ground slightly before furrowing a brow. He didn't even feel Shego's hand start gently stroking his shoulder. There was a good long pause before he finally spoke once more. "Shego... why do you stick around?" He questioned, his tone unreadable. "With every failure, you complain and tell me everything that went wrong, everything I should've done instead. You'd probably take over the world on your first try if you wanted to." His gaze finally lowered. He stared at the ground for a moment before looking over at Shego, who looked stunned and who's hand had stopped moving. "So why do you keep helping me?" His gaze bore into Shego's, desperately looking for an answer, something that made sense. Shego's hand finally left Drakken's shoulder and she began to run her fingers through her hair. She glanced away, her heart racing. What did she say to this? Did she even know why she stuck around? It was true, she probably could successfully take over the world if she wanted... and yet she didn't have the desire. Something about the thought didn't sit quite right. It was almost like some form of Deja Vu when she thought of it. So then why did she stick around? "Well..." She began before clearing her throat and glancing to the ground, a brow furrowing. "Unlike other villains... I can trust you. I can sleep comfortably at night knowing you aren't gonna try and do something to me while I sleep." She couldn't meet Drakken's gaze as she spoke. She wasn't entirely sure why this was so important to him, it was incredibly rare for Drakken to get like this. Normally she'd give some snappy response, such as the pay being good and her having a free room to bunk in every night instead of some shady hotel. She gave a little shudder at the memories of hotel jumping. "Not to mention you give me my own space to sleep." She muttered slightly. "And you know, you're really fun to bicker with. Easy to mock. Someone like... I dunno, Killigan or Monkey Fist either don't give me good responses or just don't respond at all. You make it interesting." She felt herself relax a little as it seemed she was beginning to understand, herself, why she stuck around. "And you aren't lazy. In fact, I'd say you work a little too much. You're creative, so even though plans fail, there are some that even I fully believed would work." She had stopped playing with her hair at this point and was gesturing with her words. "But I think... I think I stick around because I trust you. You think I'd trust someone like Dementor to help pull off a proper heist? He's too loud! And he doesn't think." She finally met his gaze and Drakken looked surprised. His brow was raised.

"I can't trust anyone else." She stated, matter-of-factly. She remained silent for a moment, trying to garner some expression off Drakken other than processing. "Now, are you gonna mope around the rest of the night feeling sorry for yourself, or are you gonna turn around, get back in the hovercar, take us home and start planning the next 'take over the world' scheme?" With this, Drakken blinked and smirked. "Yeah! You're right, I'm an evil genius, not a sad... lazy... erm.. man!" With this, Drakken turned heel and ran towards the hovercar, but not before grabbing Shego's hand and practically forcing her along. "Come Shego, we've much to do." Of course, at this point, Shego expected these sudden grabs. A part of her even liked them. She'd never admit this though.

--------------------------------------

Weee story and picture :D Mindless doodles turned finished lol

#my art #art #kim possible #shego #drakken #drakgo #drakken x shego #dr drakken #shegoxdrakken #shego kim possible #female artists #artists on tumblr #small artist #digital artist

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fangswbenefits · 9 months

Text

getting this off my chest

I really, really love writing for this fandom.

I think I haven't felt like this in years.

Astarion is such an enticing vessel for my creativity and has rekindled my joy for writing and putting it out there.

Alas, imposter syndrome really gnaws at my nerves more often than I care to admit.

"But Ruby, you have so many people who like your work. Why do you doubt yourself?"

Because I grew up being told I was never enough. That I was the worst at what I did best, which back then was learning English and surrounding myself in the language, hence why I sought comfort in fanfiction.

My sister, whom I love dearly, is an English teacher. She would be so harsh on me, and I know she meant well. She really did. But it was so hard back then. I would come to her with creative writing in English and she would just roll her eyes and tell me I wasn't good enough.

Nowadays, she acknowledges that I am more proficient than her and more at ease with the language, and even tells my nephew to study English with me instead.

But back then, I needed someone to believe I could do better.

So, there is a part of me that is proud that I am able to deal with real-life fatigue by writing and finding enjoyment in this hobby. But a much darker part of me tells me I'm not worthy and that I simply got lucky.

The Arrangement means a lot to me. I tend to dive right into fandoms and start writing for the character that caught my eye.

But I couldn't do that for Astarion... I am still unsure why. For those of you who have been here from my Miguel O'Hara days or when I first started posting about Astarion, you'll know The Arrangement was the first thing I ever posted for him.

Took me 2 weeks to get the first chapter out because I kept thinking I couldn't find a voice for Astarion. One that felt like him. After all, I'm always a step behind because I am not a native speaker. There will always be that looming feeling that I can't convey this story properly.

Even if you now know me for my Astarion smut, that wasn't even the driving force of my love for him.

It took me 2 months to feel comfortable writing smut for him. Why? I don't even know.

But The Arrangement feels different.

I love writing it and I love taking my liberties with the plot.

It's my opportunity to fully showcase my love for him.

I know not everyone likes it. I know some of you have dropped it. Some of you will drop it. But some will walk along this path with me, and I can't stress enough how your feedback and love help keep these negative thoughts at bay.

It's an internal work, though. It is not your job to validate my writing skills. This is not what puts food on my table. I am not looking to be published. I am looking for an escape. And it's so frustrating when my mind tries to rob me of joy even when it comes to a hobby.

"If this is a hobby why does it matter what others think or if they like what you write? Just have fun. Write for yourself."

And I do write for myself, but I share my work because I am hopeful my words can make someone's day. I seek that connection I never had growing up. Perhaps it sounds silly, but it's what makes the most sense in my head.

The Arrangement should be my pride and joy even if not perfect (nothing ever is, I suppose). And I'm exhausted of not feeling proud of it. I'm tired of this vicious cycle of self-doubt.

Don't get me wrong. I love writing smut. I think that's what I'm best at (well, in my opinion). I love exploring Astarion this way, too, but...

I don't know where I'm going with this... if anyone has made it this far, thank you, and sorry for the word vomit...

#ruby rambles ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

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randomdragonfires · 3 months

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Didn't Aemond in Parallel Lines just straight up lie to his wife, "I don't go there for...that" Errrm you kinda do ya cheater!!

Hello anon! I LOVE rambling about fic situations, so thank you SO MUCH for this ask!

Aemond is definitely lying, but the distinction he makes between sex with Madame Sylvi and intimacy with his wife is crucial.

With Sylvi, he's seeking an escape - a temporary, mindless comfort. He understands the sanctity of marriage, even if he doesn't fully uphold it. His reluctance to try stems from a fear of opening up, as admitting his need for affection and comfort would be a vulnerability he's unwilling to expose, especially to a wife whom he expects should always be in awe of him.

Intimacy with his wife, however, is a different matter. Aemond knows it could never be mindless; anything less would be disrespectful to her. They are bound in the eyes of the Gods, and it feels wrong to treat her as he does a whore. Yet, he's too emotionally constipated to build that relationship, believing his flaws are insurmountable.

Aemond is also acutely aware of the expectations placed on him by both women. Madame Sylvi expects nothing more than mindless sex (even if she gets slightly more), while his wife rightfully demands/yearns emotional connection and effort. His inability to open up to his wife is a source of pain for him, making it difficult for him to be with her.

From his wife's perspective, she's waiting for him to love her, feeling disappointed that Madame Sylvi seems to receive his attention effortlessly. Although Sylvi doesn't truly have his affection, the way Aemond treats his wife leads her to assume so. The real hurt comes from his disloyalty - but more so the fact that he never tried to build an emotional connection with her.

Aemond understands this and respects his wife enough not to give much of himself to Sylvi, as that would be a true betrayal in his eyes. So, when he tells his wife he's not going to the brothel for sex, he doesn't mean to lie (even though he does.) In his damaged mindset, he believes that mindless sex is forgivable if it brings him comfort, especially since it differs from what his wife wants from him.

"When I want what you want to give me, I will come to you and ONLY YOU." That's the sicko's mindset, really. And apparently, that's supposed to make his wife feel better about his infidelity - but he realises how stupid that is, which is why he stops his sentence midway.

TL;DR: Aemond is a horribly flawed husband in Parallel Lines, but it MAY get better....? lol

#sam tries to answer stuff #fic asks #aemond targaryen x reader

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anghraine · 10 months

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I think I've talked about it before, but there's a pretty beloved book!Darcy line that's ... maybe not objectively misread, but often read in a very different way than I interpret it:

"But your family owe me nothing. Much as I respect them, I believe I thought only of you."

I've seen this interpreted as a romantic concession that Darcy's love for Elizabeth and concern for her were his true motives for intervening with Lydia. Less often, I've also seen it read much more uncharitably as an indictment of his principles—he only cares about this whole thing at all because Elizabeth does and he cares about her, so it's ultimately selfish.

And those readings (which are ultimately related) do make a certain amount of sense if you analyze the quote by itself. He outright says he was only thinking of Elizabeth! Yes, this is in specific reference to her family, but still, he's pretty clear that his true motive was Elizabeth's peace of mind.

In this case, his claim to the Gardiners that he was principally motivated by his sense of guilt over Wickham would simply be a lie—perhaps a benevolent one to protect Elizabeth from feeling pressured, perhaps a necessary one in the circumstances, but still not an actual motive and not truly an aspect of his character.

Interestingly, though, when Elizabeth receives Mrs Gardiner's account of the Lydia affair in her letter, she does not doubt that Darcy was telling the truth about his motives, even if his feelings for her also affected him:

he had liberality, and he had the means of exercising it; and though she would not place herself as his principal inducement, she could perhaps believe, that remaining partiality for her might assist his endeavours in a cause where her peace of mind must be materially concerned.

Elizabeth is in a lot of turmoil and uncertainty at the time, so it does make sense that she might not fully realize, or dare assume, that she really was his primary motivation—even if it means that she's largely wrong about him all over again.

...except, a mere two sentences before Darcy says "I thought only of you," he says something else that's often excluded from the romantic (or anti-Darcy) use of the original quote.

"That the wish of giving happiness to you might add force to the other inducements which led me on, I shall not attempt to deny."

So in this very passage, he says that he had other motives than Elizabeth's happiness, but that the possibility of making her happy strengthened his other motives. That is quite similar to what Elizabeth concluded when she read Mrs Gardiner's letter (even the phrasing is similar). She did underestimate the strength of Darcy's feelings during that whole phase of the story, yes—he certainly feels more than "remaining partiality." But she's not getting him fundamentally wrong at this point.

I think that, like Elizabeth, Darcy did feel guilty about Wickham (both of them disproportionately to their actual culpability, IMO). I think that this really was a driving motive for his intervention with Lydia—first in trying to get Lydia to leave Wickham, and secondly in arranging the marriage. Of course, his feelings for Elizabeth would strengthen that drive, and did! But I don't think he was mostly lying to the Gardiners or that Elizabeth's analysis of his actions and character were all that wrong this time.

IMO, when he says he was only thinking of Elizabeth, he's speaking specifically in the context of her attempt to voice the gratitude that her family (allegedly) would feel if they knew the truth of what he had done. He respects them as human beings at this point, but he wasn't acting for the sake of the Bennets as a group and doesn't feel like they really owe him anything. The only person he was particularly motivated by was Elizabeth. He also doesn't want her to feel like she owes him something, but if she's going to thank him personally, it should be for herself alone; anything else is kind of wrong and fake.

In that sense, he was only thinking about her—that is, as opposed to thinking about other people. But given his longer speech, in which he explicitly says he had other motives, Elizabeth's happiness being the only person's he was really preoccupied with doesn't prevent him from having more complicated, abstract, layered motives overall. It can be romantic without necessarily being simple.

#anghraine babbles #long post #austen blogging #austen fanwank #fitzwilliam darcy #elizabeth bennet #otp of otps #anghraine's meta #anghraine's headcanons #a bit of columns a and b honestly

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willow-p012 · 4 months

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Kotoko's PTSD/C-PTSD Symptoms

So earlier I said I could make an entire post on Kotoko's PTSD symptoms, for lack of a better start, here it is!

Hyperarousal (feeling "on edge")

Someone with PTSD may be very anxious and find it difficult to relax. They may be constantly aware of threats and easily startled.

In the beginning of Harrow, we see her relatively relaxed, looking over her research, but then...

She turns to look at the camera, clutching her fist and seemingly startled. Even when seemingly alone, she can't relax fully, not for long. Then we see the wolf appears besides her, something she seems almost horrified with in the end of Deep Cover. Also, in Harrow, even within her own mind she is clenching her fist, tense.

Re-experiencing

Re-experiencing is the most typical symptom of PTSD. This is when a person involuntarily and vividly relives the traumatic event in the form of:

•flashbacks

When she sees Keiko, multiple images of other people being harmed flash across. While these could be other victims of the same man, I have also seen it argued that it is Kotoko in the past and that the man is just a fill-in of the sorts. It could be a traumatic flashback in that case.

•nightmares

I don't believe we have anything that exactly fits this criteria, but we do have other types of possible re-livings.

•repetitive and distressing images or sensations

The wolf is not only mirroring Kotoko with blood around the mouth, but is also looming over her. Many perpetrators of violence have nightmares of seeing blood on their hands, like Kotoko here, but it doesn't entirely seem like Kotoko sees herself as a monster, not fully. She is not the monster, but the monster is so terrifyingly like her, it is constantly looming over here.

"They’re still here, still here, it grates me"

Is the line that goes with this, and considering the insults she gave the prisoners before you may think she's talking about them, which she may be, but what she uses in Japanese is much more vague. More like "it's" as far as I know(?) correct me if I'm wrong. In this scenario, she could easily be talking about some form of trauma she is remembering.

•physical sensations, such as pain, sweating, feeling sick or trembling

Possibly just from overexertion, but her expression speaks of more (I don't think she's horrified by her actions or anything at this point). She looks absoloutely terrified for a moment before she looks certain in herself again. She's sweating (as mentioned before) and may be described as looking "sick", if we go by the flashback explanation for the scenes she sees before she attacks, then she'd likely just be coming down from it. Panic attacks and flashbacks both have heavy physical affects on the body, even without them literally being a form flashbacks can take.

Avoidance and emotional numbing

Some people attempt to deal with their feelings by trying not to feel anything at all. This is known as emotional numbing.This can lead to the person becoming isolated and withdrawn, and they may also give up pursuing activities they used to enjoy.

Q: Don’t you feel scared of killing people? A: If it’s for the world. How I feel about it is completely irrelevant.

Q: Don’t you feel a sense of isolation in your current situation? A: It feels like nothings changed. If the world gets even a little better just by me undertaking this isolation, then that is the role the strong play.

In both of these, she attempts to say she feels nothing about a situation or that her feelings are irrelevant.

Many people with PTSD try to push memories of the event out of their mind, often distracting themselves with work or hobbies.

Q: What are your parent’s occupations?A: They’re just the normal office worker and housewife. Did you want me to be born in with some unique circumstances?

She presses harder with the pencil when answering this question, perhaps indicating some sort of anger or avoidance when the topic of her parents (or just past) comes up. Though, I feel as if this is some of the most speculation in this post.

Feelings of worthlessness, shame and guilt

She seems to hate herself immensely, only loving herself through her role as a "savior".

Such as the conflicted look she has in this scene, before we're shown the bloody scales. While I do think she is also experiencing some form of flashback in this scene, we're clearly being shown that she understands her justice is violent on some sort of subconscious level. She likely does feel guilty because of this, even if she does not want to admit it, because of the manner it's being shown to us.

"From the beginning, I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing earth closer to peace. Useless Weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!"

Losing it, losing it, What should I hope for

Laugh and I can get to like myself

She is showing a deep disdain and sense of hopelessness for herself. She searches for purpose in the label of "Hero" without any other way to feel as if she likes herself, hence why she gets angry in the first example when someone seems to speak up against her. Without her vigilantism, she feels worthless.

Problems controlling your emotions

Very commonly, those with C-PTSD will experience a lot of anger and unstable emotions.

*Sigh* How ridiculous... It's always like this...All of you weaklings always act like this... All of you enjoy seeing someone getting hurt...

All of you enjoy seeing a bad person falling down...

You keep asking for it, but as soon as it happens near you by your own choice, you all start complaining and evading your responsibility...You're always like this... Always such idiots!

Here, we can see her getting angry when denied her escapism of vigilantism by Es. If you listen to the voice drama, it almost sounds as if she's about to cry. As if she is experiencing a very unstable set of emotions and doesn't know how to control them so she is lashing out with anger. She asks them to let her keep her purpose, still angry,

If you don't have strength on your own, let me take care of it, Es! I can do it in MILGRAM!

Do you understand now?! Don't make me wait!!!

In the line I mentioned before, the "From the beginning" one, she is also displaying this. The only context I can imagine for this is someone who is horrified or denying her (Keiko in my theory), and when faced with this she lashes out with anger again.

In Deep Cover, we constantly see her anger surrounded by her being scared, desperate, ect. She lashes out when scared, sad, and other feelings because she seemingly does not know how else to deal with her feelings.

Finding it hard to feel connected with other people

I ffeel like this is already very well-explained with the quote

When ostracised due to the fact she actually beat people within an inch of her life, she claims she feels no more isolated. From the beginning, she couldn't connect with them, even if she does have feelings of fondness for some. And her introduction immediately shows that she is weary of others, not wanting to say anything more than her name and age.

Yuzuriha Kotoko. 20 years old. I don’t feel like telling you much else right now. That is, before I find out what your intentions are.

She completely avoids normal people, further isolating herself by naming herself one of the only "strong" in a group of "weak", and via dehumanisation as a "tool"..... Oh, and that leads me into my next point.

Dissociation

The way dissociation manifests varies from individual to individual, though it always involves some form of distancing from the traumatic experience, memory or source of anguish.

In Harrow, we see her mindspace. The first time we see it, she is obviously stressed, with eyebags and an almost despaired expression. And then, she opens her eyes and she is in her mindspace.

When experiencing a source of anguish (her feelings towards the injustices of the world and the result of her overworking), she retreats into her own mind, sometimes completely by accident. Almost everytime we see this mindspace, she is surrounded by her research (her overworking and the despair she feels from seeing what is happening) or she is straight up seeing Keiko be kidnapped and possibly experiencing flashbacks.

She removes herself from "herself" in a way by calling herself a tool, a fang- inhuman. By calling herself that, accepting other people (Es) seeing her like that, she is removing herself from the larger group of "people" (and the events of her past by giving herself a current purpose), which also ties back into her disconnection from other people.

If other people recognise more or can se more examples please share!! She's so very dear to me and I want to understand her as well as I can.

#milgram #kotoko yuzuriha #Kotoko “I had a perfectly normal life” Yuzuriha #Kotoko saying her life wasn't special only to subject herself to sleeping in a PLASTIC CHAIR and CONSTANTLY SURROUNDED BY HER WORK #Girl normal people don't do that #Also about the dissociation she has a parallel with Mikoto (I.e the guy with DID the expert in dissociation)#“I feel like I'm breaking” which is very similar to some of the stuff he says

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newtthetranswriter · 11 months

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Delayed Mark

Word count: 5539

Paring: Choso x Gn! Reader

Summary: In a world with soulmates you were the only one born without a mark. After 25 years thinking you will never have a soulmate, your mark randomly appears. Only a few weeks later you find your soulmate during one of the worst curse attacks Jujutsu Sorcerers have seen since the Night parade of a hundred Demons.

Warnings: Spoilers for Choso’s character and history in general, slight spoilers for Kenjaku, Mentions of blood and death, if i missed anything let me know.

A/n: Hello people this has been in the works for a long time but finally got inspiration to finish it. The end might seem a bit rushed but I wanted to finally post it. So you aren’t surprised one satosugu is canon, Shoko x Haibara is real and you can fight me on it. Anyway I hope you enjoy and Remember to Hydrate or Diedrate, I’m looking at you @ness-iness . Also requests are open. MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT

I had to be the least lucky person alive. In a world where everyone has a mark on their body to tell them who their soulmate is, I was born without one. It's extremely rare for something like this to happen. No one knows why or how it happened. But when I was born it was evident that I was unmarked, destined to spend forever alone.

When I was younger it wasn't that bad because I didn't fully understand what it meant. Then when I reached middle school and all my friends started meeting their soulmates, I felt left out. My parents tried to tell me that 'maybe it will show up later' or that 'there is someone out there for you even if you don't have a mark.' They even went as far as to say I didn't need a soulmate to be happy. I wanted to believe them but in our world it can be hard, with happy soulmates everywhere you look.

It became even more apparent when I entered highschool and transferred to Jujutsu Tech. Though the number of people around was small, it was clear that everyone had a soulmate. It felt like fate was rubbing it in my face that I was to be forever alone. And I accepted that I didn't need a soulmate to be happy. Even though I had accepted it, there were still people trying to tell me that having a soulmate was the best thing. I was growing tired of it, until I got to know two fellow sorcerers who had lost their soulmates and believed that even without them they can find a way to be happy.

There's Saturo Gojo, a special grade sorcerer who's soulmate turned his back on sorcerers and set out to wipe out all non-sorcerers. During an attack on Tokyo and Kyoto, his soulmate was killed trying to attack the first years at Jujutsu Tech. Gojo viewed soulmates as pointless because even though he had one and lost him he was still able to be happy with his life.

Then there's Shoko, she was a third year at Jujutsu Tech when her soulmate was killed on a mission he was sent on. It hurt her greatly when she couldn't save him, especially because she is known for using reverse curse technique. She thought while soulmates could be an amazing thing, it was also painful when you lost them and thought maybe things would be better without them.

Don't get me wrong, Gojo and Shoko both loved their soulmates and wouldn't change having met them. They just thought it could be more painful than what it's worth. I agree, having a soulmate must be wonderful but I don't have one so all I've experienced is the pain of watching others be happy with something I can't have. And so Me, Gojo, and Shoko all tried to make the best of everything. We focused on exercising curses and teaching the next generations of Jujutsu Sorcerers.

I'm like an assistant teacher to Gojo, helping out the first years when he's out on missions and just helping with training in general. I would also sometimes help the second years if they needed it.

Right now I am accompanying the first years on a mission to investigate strange deaths. Three people were found dead just inside their homes or apartment buildings, after having reported odd happenings with the locks or door mechanisms. This fact led the higher ups to believe that it was the work of a cursed spirit and sent the first years to figure it out. I was there to make sure none of them died, instructions from Gojo after what happened with the curse womb at the juvenile detention center.

We were currently at Megumi's old middle school, talking with faculty about the men who had died, as they had also attended the school in their youth. I wasn't really focused on the conversation as I was there as more of a body guard then an actual assistant for the first years. I felt it best to let them take care of the questions and figure everything out so they could learn for future experiences.

While Kugisaki and Itadori were poking fun at Megumi for how he used to act in middle school, I started to feel a weird tingling sensation on my left wrist. It was strange, almost like pins and needles. I tried rubbing my wrist to get the feeling to go away but it wasn't working, when I looked at it there was nothing there.

After a few minutes of the weird feeling it went away. I was confused as nothing like this had ever happened before. But seeing as there was no evidence that it happened I brushed it off, if it was important there would be evidence that it happened.

The three students had found out that all of the victims had gone to the same bridge together back when they were in middle school. So they decided to go try and investigate, to see if they could lure out the cursed spirit.

I had joined them at the bridge as I didn't want to risk the curse showing up without me there. As the three tried different things like walking under the bridge, and even throwing Itadori over the side tied to a string (this nearly gave me a heart attack), to lure out the curse, I stood watch. I was completely focused on watching Kugisaki and Megumi pulling Itadori up, so it startled me that my wrist started to feel weird again.

At first it was just pins and needles like before, but then it started to burn a little bit. I lifted my wrist to investigate and was shocked to see a small picture forming on the inside of my wrist. It looked like a drop of water based on the outline. I watched as it became more visible, slowly turning to a blood red color. I was extremely perplexed, what the hell is happening, I thought to myself. I was so focused on the mark that I didn't notice the three teenagers walking up to me.

"Hey Y/n, nothing's happening. Maybe there's another connection or we missed something." Itadori said nearly bouncing over to me. As he got closer he noticed I wasn't paying attention to him. "What are you looking at? Get a scratch or something?" He asked, drawing the attention of the other two.

Megumi leaned over to take a look at my wrist, also confused as to what had me so distracted. "Holy shit" I heard him mutter as he came to the same conclusion that I was still trying to wrap my head around. "When did that show up?" He asked, confusing his classmates.

"I-it just showed up. I was just standing here watching you three to make sure nothing happened and my wrist started to tingle and then burn. After that it just slowly appeared." I explained what little I knew about the situation. "Why would this show up now, I've gone my whole life without it being there why is it here now. I was fine and happy without having to worry about it." I started ranting.

Kegusaki looked at me confused before finally asking the question that perplexed her and Itadori. "What are you talking about and why does Fushiguro know about it?"

Knowing I was probably feeling too many emotions to explain anything, Megumi spoke up. "It's complicated and right here probably isn't the best place to explain it." We then met up with our diver at a small convenience store. I had almost completely shut down from the sudden appearance of my soul mark.

While we were at the convenience store the first years were still trying to figure out what to do to trigger the curse. After a few minutes of getting nowhere Kugesaki got tired of the topic of conversation.

"We are getting nowhere with this. Let's change the topic for a second." The redhead said, turning to me. "What's up with you? What happened while we were on the bridge?" She was confused yet curious as to what happened. Sure she was being a little pushy about it but that's how she is.

Megumi moved in front of me to try and deflect the questions, and get back to the assignment. "Let's focus on the curse that's killing people, Kugesaki." As he said this Kugesaki rolled her eyes.

"Come on Fushiguro, they're here to supervise and make sure none of us die. If their so thrown off by what ever happened, we all need to be made aware." She said making a valid point.

As Megumi tried to say something else I put my hand on his shoulder and stepped forward. He looked at me concerned but he knew that I wouldn't say anything I didn't want to. "What happened on the bridge that threw me off is, my soul mark appeared. I've lived 25 years without one and was fully prepared to live without it. I don't know what caused it to suddenly appear because if I had a soulmate it would have been there when I was born. I'm still able to watch over you guys, it just startled me." I explained hopefully calming their nerves. "I'm not worried about it, it's probably nothing. Let's just focus on figuring out what's going on with this cursed spirit." Itadori nodded but still looked confused and Kugesaki looked pleased with the explanation.

As I finished explaining what happened, one of the students from the middle school pulled up on a bike with a young woman asking to talk to Megumi about the weird deaths. The young woman explained that there was a sort of ritual to go out to the bridge. She had also informed Megumi that his sister had done the test of courage as well. Being even more determined to stop this curse, with his sister’s life at stake, we all headed back to the bridge.

After doing the steps to summon the curse, it seemed we had entered the curse’s domain. As the students began to fight the curse a strange green round curse appeared behind us. When the initial confusion wore off, Itadori offered to take the hideous curse on by himself while the other two delta with bridges curse.

While the two fights occurred Kugisaki was forced close to the edge of the barrier. I watched in shock as two hands reached through and pulled her out of the barrier. The green curse exclaimed something about his brother being there and rushed out of the barrier. Megumi took charge of the situation and ordered Itadori to go after the curse and assist Kugisaki. I would have stepped in but I had an odd feeling about the curses outside of the barrier. Like in some distant way they weren’t normal curses. I couldn’t react.

I was only able to watch as Megumi was able to finish off the cursed spirit that was cursing people. The only problem was the barrier didn’t dissipate. As I was about to ask if he was sure he finished exercising the curse, a more humanoid curse fell from the ceiling. Taking a defensive stance ready to take on the curse, as it appeared to be a much higher grade than the previous curse. Megumi stepped in front of me.

“I’ll handle this, You were only sent here to keep us from dying. You just wait, if it looks like I’m done, go ahead and step in. It’s not a good idea for you to be using your cursed energy for battle right now.” He said summoning Demon Dog: Totality to help him in the fight. He made a good point, my cursed technique was better for defense and recovery. I could create a simple barrier around myself or someone else that was similar to Gojo’s infinity, but could still be broken with enough force. I am also able to use the reversed curse technique on others, not as efficiently as Shoko but still enough to keep someone on death's door from dying while waiting for Shoko. It made sense for me to wait, my techniques took a lot of energy, and the few offensive abilities I had were not suited for close combat. So I watched waiting for a moment that I would be needed.

The fight between the special grade and Megumi went on for a while. There were a few points where I almost jumped into the fight but was stopped by the admittedly over confident teenager. Eventually he was able to exercise the curse and retrieve Sukana’s finger. He collapsed shortly after as the barrier disappeared around us. I immediately went to work healing his more major injuries, as he eventually passed out on the ground.

A few minutes after the dark haired teen passed out the other two students hobbled on to the scene. “Oh my god, is he dead?” Itadori asked, looking at his friend passed out on the ground. This comment received a smack to the back of his head from Kugisaki as she quickly explained he was probably passed out and that I wouldn’t have let him die. He then noticed the cursed object sitting on the ground not far from Megumi and went to pick it up. “Do you want me to carry this since you’re busy healing Fushiguro?” He asked. As I was about to tell him he could as long as he didn’t eat it, a mouth formed on the palm of his hand consuming the finger.

I rolled my eyes as he started to defend himself, trying to explain it was Sukana who did that and he didn’t mean too. “It’s fine, Itadori. Next time I’ll just carry it. Now help me get Megumi up and back to the road.” I said moving to stand up, deciding it was time we head back to Jujutsu tech.

It’s been about a month since the incident at the bridge, and since the mark on my arm appeared. For the most part I’ve ignored it, but when I see it I struggle not to spiral into a long train of questions as to why it randomly appeared, and what triggered it. Shoko proposed that it may have something to do with the two cursed wombs Itadori and Kugisaki killed. She suspected after performing autopsies on the corpses, that they were somehow two of the death paintings that were stolen during the sister school exchange event. She told me that it was possible that the third one was also fused with a human and incarnated into a living being, and it happened to be my soulmate. This thought concerned me, My soulmate was possibly a deformed human corpse fused with a cursed object, great.

Though it wasn’t any worse than the idea Saturo had. He had told me with a straight face that it took 25 years for my soulmark to appear because my soulmate hadn’t been born yet and they were probably a couple weeks old at this point. I know he was joking because one, many soulmate pairings had massive age gaps and the older party still had their mark at birth, and secondly because as soon as he saw the look of disgust on my face he burst out laughing his ass off.

I was glad that even though jokes were being made, Gojo and Shoko weren’t pushing me away for getting my soulmark. They treated me no differently, after all they had once had their own soulmates with them, even if it was far too short of a time for their liking. And don’t get me wrong I still have a distaste for the thought of soulmates, but for the first time in my life there is actual hope. Maybe it was just a mistake in the universe and whatever gave soulmarks was like shit missed one and fixed it, or maybe Shoko is right and my soulmate is an incarnated cursed object. Who knows but hopefully I find them soon and can experience the joy I’ve witnessed so many times over, even if it’s only for a short moment.

Timeskip to shibuya arc

It’s been a few weeks since my soulmark appeared and I can’t help but feel anxious. Part of it is the excitement of finally having a soulmate but the other part is things have been getting worse in the Jujutsu community. With suspicion of a traitor at the kyoto school, the first years were requested to investigate. The problem with that was the suspected traitor was nowhere to be found and the trail went cold.

Just over a week later all hell broke loose at a transit station in Shibuya. Many sorcerers were dispatched to wait as back up in case Gojo was unable to handle the citation. I had been waiting with Nanami, Ino and Megum when we were told to enter the barrier. Not long after entering, the shouts of Yuji Itadori could be heard throughout the veil. Deciding a change of plans, we met with Itadori and were informed that Saturo had been sealed by the special grade curses that had organized the attack.

While Nanami went to speak with Ijichi, the rest of us went to look for a way to dismantle the barriers. Currently Megumi and Itadori are fighting the curse user who had the objects creating the barrier, and me and Ino are trying to fight the other two on top of the building. We were given a shock when the man Ino was battling turned into Toji Fushiguro, gaining all the power of the dead sorcerer killer. When we thought things couldn’t get worse Ino was taken out and thrown off the side of the building, knowing I didn’t stand a chance in a fight against Toji I jumped hoping Megumi or Itadori would think of a way to save both of us.

My prediction was right as one of Megumi’s shikigami caught me and Itadori managed to catch the unconscious Ino. When we landed, the boys told me that the barrier keeping sorcerers out was dismantled. Assessing the situation I came up with a plan that should help us greatly.

“Ok here’s what’s gonna happen. Megumi and I are going to stay here while I heal Ino enough that he can be moved safely. Itadori you are gonna go try and find wherever Gojo is sealed in Shibuya station. Once I’m sure Ino is safe to move, I’ll follow after itadori to help him out, and Megumi will take Ino to Shoko so she can finish healing him.” I said, causing both boys to look at me in shock. It was a rarity that I would take charge of a situation but there was no time to freeze up right now. Becoming focused on the task of healing my coworker I ignored the boys trusting they will follow instructions.

After about ten minutes I was confident that Ino would be fine to move, so I sent Megumi off to find Shoko while I went after Itadori. On my way to the station I passed Inumaki using his speech to help control the crowds and protect them from the mutated humans. I stopped for a few minutes to offer help in restoring his throat so it wasn’t too damaged from his technique and then went back to going after Itadori.

A few minutes after entering the train station, I started to hear the sound of running water. I also noticed that the area I was in was completely destroyed, thinking the two things may be connected to Itadori. I followed the sound and path of destruction. As I got closer to the bathroom I noticed a large amount of water on the floor that was tinted pink from what I’m guessing is someone’s blood. Turning towards the men’s restroom I saw a familiar head of pink hair slumped against the wall.

“Shit, Itadori are you alright?” I received no response. I kneeled down not caring that my pants would become soaking wet, I checked his pulse with a sigh of relief that he was still alive. Assessing the damage I knew that I would have to get the bleeding in his abdomen to stop or at least slow down a bit, before I could go after the fuck who hurt my student. I began using my reversed curse technique on the boy, focused on hopefully healing him enough that Sukana doesn't see a need to make an appearance.

As I finished healing what I could, I noticed a strange feeling in my gut. It was almost like I was anxious or scared of something. It made no sense, sure I was worried for my friends and students, and the safety of all the non sorcerer's around during this horrible attack, but this feeling was weird. The feeling was almost like it was coming from someone else. Brushing it off, not having time to deal with this, I moved to follow the wet bloody footprints leading away from the bathrooms, assuming they belonged to whoever or whatever did this to Itadori.

Rounding the corner as the footprints became harder to follow, the feeling in my gut got worse and an emotion I could only describe as self loathing joined the anxiety and worry. I was even more confused, I had heard before that when close to your soulmate there is a chance to feel their emotions but why on earth would my soulmate be in a place like this hating themself. Once again hoping it was just my imagination I continued my search. I stopped for a second as I started to hear mumbling coming from a little alcove just in front of me along the wall.

“I almost killed him.” I heard the voice say. I could tell whoever it was, was distressed. “How could I almost kill my own brother?” The voice kept ranting, now I was concerned, this person almost killed their own brother and was now sitting in the deepest reaches of a train station overrun with curses and mutated humans, what was wrong with them.

I approached the alcove with caution, if this person nearly killed someone they could be extremely dangerous. “Hey, sorry to bother you, but are you Ok?” I asked as I got close enough to see a man, probably in his early to mid twenties curled up on himself. He had medium length hair pulled up in two messy buns at the back of his head, he was also wearing a white robe with a purple vest. I couldn’t quite make out his face as it was buried in his knees but as I got closer to him I could feel the copious amounts of cursed energy flowing off him. It wasn’t as intense as Gojo or Okkotsu, but he was definitely special grade.

After a few seconds, he jumped slightly looking up at me for only a moment before going back to his rambling. It’s like he didn’t even register that I asked a question. When he looked at me I could see the long black line across his face, to some it may have been an odd feature but to me it made him look more handsome. It may be weird to say but looking at this person curled in on himself with messy hair mumbling about almost killing someone, I couldn’t help but notice he was attractive. It also didn’t help that the longer I kneeled in front of him the more I felt emotions of anxiety and doubt.

I tried speaking to him again. “Are you ok? Is there anything I can do to help?” The anxious feelings were becoming almost too much for me to handle. If they were coming from this man infront of me I needed to calm him down soon or we would both be having a breakdown. “Just talk to me for a second, I want to make sure you’re not hurt.” That comment seemed to reach him as he stopped mumbling, looking at me and making eye contact.

He stayed frozen looking at me with those beautiful hazel eyes, it was like he was in a trance. I was about to speak again when I decided that a good way to calm him down if I really was feeling his emotions would be doing the opposite, projecting my emotions to my soulmate. If he is the reason behind the blood drop mark on my wrist, sending positive feelings should help him relax. To my surprise as soon as I started to calm myself to a relaxed point, I could see his face settle, he no longer looked like a kicked puppy but more a confused child.

“What did you do to me?” Was the first not mumbled sentence out of his mouth. I looked at him for a moment trying to decide how to explain what I had just figured out.

I settled for smiling at him before explaining gently what just happened between us. “We are soulmates, two people destined to be together. We both have a mark to represent each other somewhere on our body, like this” I showed him my wrist as I explained it all. He looked at the blood drop for a second before he moved his arm to show me his wrist. In the exact same spot was a sphere that looked fairly similar to the barriers I can create around myself.

“So that’s what this weird mark is, Mahito tried to tell me it was nothing and to ignore it.” He spoke explaining his knowledge of the mark. I was unsure of who this Mahito was but it seemed whoever it was, was trying to hide soulmates from him. I was slightly confused how a man in his twenties didn’t know about soulmates, but that was a question for later.

Smiling at him I continued my explanation. “In addition to the marks, when soulmates are close to each other they can feel each other's emotions and strong emotions can influence the other. That's what I did, your feelings of anxiety and doubt were becoming too strong for me to stay focused so I calmed down my own feelings enough to help calm you down.” He nodded at the explanation, looking to the side for a moment before looking back. I could tell he was still a little anxious, whether that was because of finding out about soulmate, or what happened before I found him. I was unsure but I was going to figure it out. “Now that you’ve calmed down a bit do you mind telling me what happened? Why are you hiding in this alcove?” I asked as gently as possible not wanting to send him into another panic attack.

He paused for a second before he started to explain. “I almost killed my little brother. I didn’t know he was my brother when we started fighting but when I was about to deliver the final blow I just knew he was my brother. It was the same feeling I got when my other brothers were killed. I can’t kill my brother even if he was the one to kill our other brothers. I hurt my brother and I have to make up for that. I have to protect him.” He started rambling again, not in the mumbling manner I found him in but it was hard to follow what he was saying. “He almost died because of me, and now he’s probably bleeding out because I hurt him, because I didn't realize who he was sooner.” That sentence caught my attention.

I remembered what led me to this spot, to finding him. Placing my hand on his shoulder to get his attention. “Slow down for a second, who and where is your brother?” I asked hoping to not get the answer I assumed was coming.

“Yuji Itadori is my little brother. He's in the men’s bathroom.” He answered the question and I could tell he was about to start rambling again. Squeezing his shoulder again I drew his focus back to me.

Pushing away my concern for the fact my soulmate was working with the curse’s that organized the attack. “He’s okay, I was actually looking for him earlier and found him in the bathroom. I was able to use my reverse cursed technique to stop the bleeding and keep him from dying. But what did you mean by he’s your brother, he never talked about having any siblings? Also he killed your other brothers?” I tried to reassure that Itadori was okay, but also asked for clarification. As far as I knew Itadori’s only family was his grandfather who passed away shortly before he became a sorcerer.

He looked at me shocked that I knew who he was talking about. “Thank you. And I don’t know how to explain how he’s my brother, I just know he is. I have such a strong connection with my brothers. I felt when Yuji and Nobara Kugisaki ended the lives of my brothers Eso and Kechizu a few weeks ago, and I felt that same feeling when I was about to kill Yuji for revenge.” He explained in the best way he could.

I nodded in understanding, he attacked Itadori in order to get revenge for his brothers, who I’m assuming were the two curses Itadori and Nobara fought at the bridge. Thinking about it they did say that when they finished off the curses they didn’t disintegrate like a normal curse and were just bodies as if they had killed humans. If that thing was this person's brother then what are they and why does he look so normal. “I can tell you’re confused, I’m assuming you probably were there when Yuji fought my brothers and are wondering what I am.” He was right, but how could he read me so well? I just nodded at him to continue. He went on to explain that he was a cursed object for 150 years until the attack on Jujutsu tech when he and two of his brothers were stolen. He explained that Mahito the patch faced curse, used his technique to give them bodies and use them as tools to fight sorcerers. He briefly explained that they sided with the curses because his brothers wouldn’t have been accepted by humans for the way they looked and he would have rather not had to help the curse who created him.

“What do you mean by helping the curse that created you? Didn’t you say you were a cursed object for 150 years, wouldn’t the curse who made you be exercised by now?” I asked, interrupting his explanation.

“The curse that made me is called Kenjaku, he was once a normal human who used his innate technique to transfer his brain to others to control them. 150 years ago he took over Noritoshi Kamo, using him to experiment on my mother who was able to carry the child of a curse. He tried nine times to get a living specimen but only received nine cursed objects that received the name Death paintings, I was the first one.” He explained his creation. As he was about to continue and explain how he was supposed to be helping Kenjaku in this day and age there was loud rumbling around us.

I stood up quickly pulling him from the alcove looking around. The building looked like it was shaking. “As much as I’d love to keep chatting, I think we should probably get out of here.” I turned to him before I started to pull him in the direction of the exit.

“Wait, we have to get Yuji, we can’t leave him down here.” I heard behind me.

“Look if Yuji is still down here than Sukana has probably taken over and if that’s the case he'll be fine.” i tried to explain, but the look on his face showed he was still concerned. “Listen, I know you want to make it up to him but you can't do that if we get crushed by a collapsing train station. As soon as we get out of this we will go find him I promise. You can trust me, I'm your soulmate after all, I’ll support you through this…” I wanted to address him by name but I realized in all of his explanations he never once told me his name, then again I never told him mine so it wouldn’t have been a fair trade. Continuing to pull him out of the station I decide it’s better late than never. “By the way I’m Y/n Y/l/n, and what can I call my handsome soulmate?” I asked him, feeling him stumble at the compliment.

“Uh Choso. My name is Choso Kamo.” He said as we exited the train station. Finally knowing my soulmate's name felt amazing for some reason. It was probably due to the years of thinking it would never happen but I knew that no matter what this crazy world throws at us next we will handle it together.

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joelswritingmistress · 9 months

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You Scare Me, Professor: Chapter 16

Summary: The reader is taking graduate classes at a local university in the wooded upstate New York. She is drawn to her professor, Dr. Joel Miller, though she is also inherently aware that he has something dark about him that she can't quite put her finger on. As the reader's attraction grows deeper, she has to decide whether to endure the danger or run away as fast as possible.

Warning: Brief mention of S.A.

Pairing: Professor Joel Miller x f!reader

Five-thirty in the morning. Monday. It had been the day I had been dreading since I’d been whisked away to Dr. Miller’s castle of mystery on Thursday evening. The crushing weight of my feelings overpowered the unanswered questions and the part I tried to ignore - the red flags. I was completely seduced by everything my professor had to offer, from his body to his perplexing home, to the way he looked at me and all of the secrecy involved. Magnetic was the only adjective I had in my mind that could accurately describe how things felt.

When my alarm sounded off, waking both of us, Dr. Miller turned it off and cuddled me close for another extra second or two, holding me from behind.

“I’m going to make you breakfast,” he explained, kissing the top of my shoulder. “Go take a shower.”

I turned to face him and our noses touched as I spoke. “Okay.”

Dr. Miller kissed me and my hand naturally moved to his face. Why did this day have to come? Would I ever get the chance to come back here? Were his words in the heat of our passionate weekend truthful, or just said in the moment?

“I’ll drop you off at work.”

It suddenly dawned on me that I had left my car on campus all weekend. Before I could say anything about it, Dr. Miller spoke, again, like he could read my thoughts.

“I had your car towed to your house,” he informed me. “It’s paid for. I just didn’t want anything to happen to it all weekend unattended.”

I opened my mouth to speak but then stopped.

“I hope that’s okay,” he added. “If there’s anything wrong with your car I’ll personally-”

“No,” I shook my head to let him know I wasn’t displeased. “Thank you.” I couldn't believe I hadn't even given a single thought to my car. And I couldn't even wrap my head around Dr. Miller having it towed to my house.

“I’ll pick you up from work, too,” Dr. Miller offered, and then added, “If you’d like.”

I smiled at him now, beginning to truly feel that the obsessive, little thoughts that had creeped into my brain were mutual. Dr. Miller wanted to be around me as much as I wanted to be around him. He was doting on me and making sure I was happy and content. I loved how he took care of my every need.

He pecked my lips and I took his face in both hands now and kissed him hard. Dr. Miller reciprocated, kissing me back with just as much intensity as he moved partially on top of me. After a whirlwind romance from Thursday night through Saturday, Sunday had been far more low key after the odd all-nighter that still left me uneasy during any downtime where I had too much time to think. I was ready to get back to the whirlwind.

Dr. Miller parted his lips from mine with a deep breath. “Save it for later.” He dove back in for another kiss, “You’ll be late for work.”

“So what.” I giggled and he kissed me hard again. “We have ten minutes to spare.”

“Mmm..” he grunted the word and I could tell there was a hint of playful frustration that lingered in his response. Dr. Miller’s hands locked mine down onto the bed and he moved fully on top of me. “You don't play fair.”

“Neither do you.”

I made it to work on time that morning - barely. When he dropped me off near the main entrance of the building I was thankful no one I was close with was around to ask questions.

Dr. Miller left me with a steamy kiss behind the tinted windows of his Mercedes and tapped beneath my chin with his first two fingers.

“I'll be back at three-thirty,” he assured me.

“Okay.” Our lips touched again and he waited until I was inside before driving off.

Things almost felt foreign when I walked in through the doors of the building I had been working in for so long. It wasn't the surroundings. I felt different.

“Feeling better?” One of my coworkers greeted me with a smile as I entered the office.

“A lot better.” I smiled back., “Thanks.”

All day behind my desk I went through the motions, but my mind was elsewhere. Thankfully everything on my plate that day was routine and I didn't have to think too hard about what I was doing.

My mind flashed back to all the highlights of the weekend. If I was being completely honest with myself, it was the best weekend of my life.

But where did he go Saturday night?

I knew, in time, I had to ask. I had to know.

The hours ticked by like molasses in winter. Each time I paid attention to the clock it had only ticked by in small increments.

Am I being toxic? I wondered. Is my current obsession truly unhealthy, or is it normal to feel this way about someone early in the relationship? Am I Dr. Miller’s girlfriend? Am I just some random girl to him? I didn't think the last one was true. I wasn't the most intuitive person out there, but I knew I couldn't be reading this wrong. The man dropped me off at work and offered to pick me up. He could've politely suggested I go home at any point in our long weekend together but he didn't.

I breathed and looked at the clock again, suddenly wondering where I would be sleeping that night. Another wave of excitement and anxiety washed over me at the thought. I truly felt like my brain chemistry was being altered from all the dopamine releases as of late. I wasn't complaining, but I hadn't exactly relaxed or turned my brain off for an extended period of time for well over a week - possibly a little longer.

“Hey (Y/N).” My coworker, Olivia, wheeled her chair across the low, blue carpet.

“Hey.” I smiled. “What's up?”

“You're taking classes down at Woodbridge, right?”

There was the adrenaline shot again. Anything that had to do with Woodbridge or Dr. Miller instantly put me into that hyper alert mode.

“Yeah.” I nodded nonchalantly, masking it all rather easily.

“How crazy is it about those girls who were killed?”

“I know.” I shook my head. “I was in class nearby when they found the first body. There was a whole crowd gathered around and reporters and stuff.”

“Wild.”

“I know.”

“At least they have a suspect in mind.”

“What? They do.” Olivia had my attention now.

“Yeah, it was on the news this morning. The police even raided his house this morning but he wasn't there.”

“Who is he?”

“Some guy named Alec Pryor. Registered sex offender, confessed to some seriously messed up shit in the past.”

I shuddered. “That's so scary.” I cringed. “And he was just lurking on campus.. waiting.. ugh.”

“Yeah apparently he got released back in, like, April.”

“They should never let those guys out.”

“Right!” Olivia nodded. “Sexual assault is the lowest kind of crime you can commit. The absolute worst. They should just kill those guys. Get rid of ‘em.”

“I know.” I scrunched my nose and shook my head. “So, where is he then? Did they pick him up somewhere else?”

My work friend whipped out her cell phone and began typing furiously with her thumbs before staring at the screen. She scrolled for a moment and adjusted her circular glasses before pausing as she read up on something.

“This article says..” Olivia angled her body toward mine. “They have yet to find him.” She made a face that broke the tension and made me crack a faint smile. “But they're on the hunt for him, currently.”

“Yikes.”

“Don't go anywhere alone when you're near that campus,” she advised.

“They'll catch him,” I said, only slightly confident that that was true.

“I hope so.”

“So crazy.” I repeated the name to myself. “Alec Pryor.”

“Looks like a creep.” Olivia turned her phone around and showed me a picture of the scowling, middle-aged man in a former mug shot.

“They should post his face all over the place so people are aware,” I said.

“I think they are.” She scrolled some more, “Oo, this one is calling it a ‘manhunt’.”

“That means he's on the run,” I said and added, mostly to make myself feel more secure. “He's probably hours away by now.”

Olivia shuddered and rolled back to her desk. “Be careful. That's all I'm sayin’. This is exactly why I have two German Shepherds.”

“I don't blame you.” I sighed, welcoming the interaction. It was a perfect distraction. I needed it to get my overdriven hormones somewhat back to neutral.

A little female bonding did just that, helping the work day move along a little faster.

When the day finally neared its end, I caught a glance of the Mercedes out one of the many windows in the office. I smiled to myself and hurried to finish up the last of my work and respond to the last few emails.

The time between three-fifteen and three-thirty felt like hours. As soon as the minute hand aligned vertically with the number six, I grabbed my coat and headed out the doors with a quick farewell to everybody.

I didn’t know if anyone was looking when I hopped into the passenger side of Dr. Miller’s car. I didn’t care. All I cared about was the man sitting behind the wheel.

“Hey, baby.” He flashed a cool smile in my direction as I climbed in and I slammed the door behind me.

“I love it when you call me that.” I leaned over and we shared a smoldering kiss. Again, I was thankful for the tints. I was breathless when our lips parted and settled beside him in the vehicle. Dr. Miller rested a hand on my knee as he put the car in drive and cruised out of the parking lot.

“Why don’t you let me drive you home,” he said.

I swallowed hard when he didn’t say anything more. Home? I had to go home and sit there and think of him and what he might be doing? I had to sleep without him? I had to-

“I’ll help you pack some things and then you can..” Dr. Miller shrugged, “Decide how long you want to stay at my place.”

Fuck. I calmed down immediately from the insanely frantic thoughts he caused by the dramatic pause. There was the push and pull of emotions again.

“How long am I welcome for?”

“For as long as you decide.” Dr. Miller glanced over at me as we drove and we both smirked.

“Well, then I better pack heavy.”

Dr. Miller’s grin widened as he stared out at the road. “Suit yourself.’

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