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literaila · 4 years

Text

crumbling feelings

spencer x reader

summary: falling so hard. falling too hard.

warnings: mentions of fighting, earthquake (?) refernences, they’re both idiots, kinda sad, kinda cute.

a/n: okay so i got the urge and i was like ‘ huh i should write something short and sweet and then go to bed ‘ and then i was like ‘hahahahah no.’ sooooooo yeah. sorry if it sucks. im reallly tired and shouldnt be posting this.

The earth was crumbling under their feet.

You hear about ‘earth-shattering’ things. You hear about the kiss that matched no other, gave you butterflies down to your stomach until suddenly there were no words left to describe that feeling you got from those lips that shared secrets. You hear about that moment when you realize you love someone, when you finally figure it out. You hear about how everything changes at that moment, how everything just suddenly felt different. You hear about ‘love at first sight’ about that one glance that changed everything, about those eyes that told stories like no other.

There are so many ‘earth-shattering’ things, so many little things that can flip your world upside down and then change everything in a second that doesn't seem to feel all that long.

There were just too many things, too many ways to classify the idea that your world was changing, so many things made up just to make people feel so much safer about change. So many made-up ideas that were only there to make the world seem a little bit less scary, to make change something that you weren't supposed to fear.

But, when the world was crumbling under your feet. When the cracks in the earth wouldn't stop hitting the soles of your shoes, and you could feel yourself shaking while you tried to keep your eyes off of the ground. That was what made the change so scary. That was what made every other ‘earth-shattering’ thing seem so idealistic. So fake.

She was afraid, so afraid that if she looked down, she would see the sky beneath her feet.

There were no words to classify this moment, no words that she could think of that could explain the pure fire that was shaking her bones. Making her feel like she wasn't even really there.

There were no words to classify the past few months, the days that went by when she could feel the earth shake for a second, when the earth was caught off balance and suddenly there was another crack underneath her feet.

A couple years ago, she’d shared one of those ‘earth-shattering’ moments, one of those days that she thought should be in all the romance novels. She’d been a part of one of those movies, shared that kiss that was beyond anything else. That was something else she could describe.

And weeks after that, she had another one. Another moment that made her knees want to collapse under her, a moment that made her feel so much different than she ever thought she would, she had one of those moments that she could barely think of without worrying that she would faint because all of the sudden she couldn't breathe. She’d been a part of that moment when you realize you’re in love. She’d seen it for herself.

And weeks after that, she’d felt breathless when she looked at him. When she stared from what felt like miles away, years past him, when she’d looked and saw nothing but the man she couldn't stop thinking about no matter how hard she tried. She’d felt her world turn in a way she didn't understand.

Earth-shattering moments were no stranger to Y/N, and she was no stranger to them.

She’d lived in them for years. Years that felt like decades, decades that felt like centuries.

The first time she saw Spencer, she didn't expect anything of it. She saw a man, and of course, she couldn't help but classify him as handsome in her head, couldn't ignore his messy hair and lovely eyes and very sweet manners. But, she’d been plenty of handsome men, plenty of people that she knew were unreachable. So, she thought nothing of him.

But he’d quickly become someone she could depend upon. He used to bring her coffee in the morning, setting it right on her desk while he sipped on his own cup. She used to question how he knew exactly how she took it. She used to wonder how he could’ve known when she’d never told anyone before.

He used to call her late at night, wake her up from dreams she could barely remember, he used to let her know when there was a case, used to make sure that she was getting out of bed instead of falling back asleep like she wanted to. He was very considerate, very aware of that extra push she needed.

He used to hold the elevator door for her, used to step back and smile when she walked into the small space with him. She liked to pretend that it didn't mean anything to her, that despite it being something he’d do for everyone, she didn't still get butterflies. She liked to pretend that his smiles meant nothing and that she was happy to have a friend.

He used to save her seat on the plane, the one right next to him because he knew that it was her favorite. He knew that she liked to fall asleep on it whenever she could. Both of them liked to pretend that they didn't enjoy the warmth the other brought. Liked to pretend that a seat was meaningless, and that they could sit next to anyone else if they wanted to.

He used to do everything for her. And even after a month of knowing him, she’d learned just how kind Spencer Reid was. She’d learned that the young doctor wasn't someone that she needed to look past, that she could perfectly enjoy time with him whenever she wanted. She’d learned that Spencer would be there, as much as he could, whenever he could, as long as she wanted him around.

And from there, their relationship only crossed more boundaries.

It was common knowledge that they couldn't be together, that with all the profiles surrounding the two, and the feeling that neither of them could keep a complete secret, they had to try and keep their distance. It was an unspoken rule between the two of them that they weren't supposed to do anything about the harboring feelings that made their way into the hearts of both of them.

And even when they had dinner together, and spent their weekends off going to used bookstores, they made sure that there were never too many glances, that they didn't smile at the other for just a moment too long. It was a rule that both of them lived by, something that didn't need to be said out loud.

But, there were moments. Just a step over the line they had put on the floor. Just a hand of his on her back while they were walking out the door, just the finger she used to wipe something off his face when they went to get dinner, just the icecream that they shared despite the fact that Spencer would’ve rather done anything else.

There were tiny little steps that both of them took, barely noticeable ones, that made their relationship all that much closer.

And then, as time went on, and suddenly the rules were being pulled back by an invisible rope neither one of them wanted to mention, suddenly they were stepping too far.

Suddenly they were cuddling on the plane when no one was looking, sharing the same file on every case. They were texting each other at night, Spencer taking far too long to respond every time, even when they were in the same hotel.

They were doing all these things that their unspoken rule had forbidden.

And it was, far too good, far too much of a sweet thing to stop. Neither of them wanted to let go, wanted to move farther away. They had gotten used to the butterflies, to the nervousness that hit both of them in the middle of any day. They had stepped over and, neither one of them had any plans to go back.

And then, one night, they fell into each other. It was completely on accident, completely by mistake when Y/N had laughed a bit too loud at something Spencer had said. An accident when Spencer had smiled, that little proud smile he got when he knew that it was only him that could make her laugh like that, when he had held onto her eyes with his, and then they were both leaning in.

It had been raining, soft water falling on the both of them while they kissed for the first time. For what was supposed to be the last time. The earth had roared above them and they were kissing by accident, and while it was a mistake, not even the thunder could pull either of them apart.

Their ‘earth-shattering’ moment had been so long coming, had been such an accident, such a happy mistake.

And after, after when neither of them spoke a word, thoughts of their rules storming their brains, after, they didn't stop.

She had meant to, she had promised herself that it was the last time, that they didn't need to be doing this, that it wasn't worth it to cause any tension at work. She had promised herself that an accident was what it was, that an accident wasn't allowed to happen again.

But she was so prone to falling.

And so they kissed again. In the elevator when both of them were trying to keep their eyes off of the other, they fell together, and they were breathless against the walls of the elevator, and suddenly the trip down to the lobby was far too short.

And then they kissed again. When they were up late at night, coffee-filled their veins as they walked around the library they’d become familiar with together, when they were next to so many stories of other people falling just like they both had and it would’ve been rude not to fall again. Would've been a mistake to keep their feet on the ground like they were supposed to.

And after that, it was impossible to stop kissing.

They’d become so used to it, so captivated by the way their bodies felt when they were connected just like that, so captivated by the feelings they only got together.

And then they loved each other.

And then falling made so much sense.

And then there were so many ‘earth-shattering’ moments that neither of them understood.

And then they had a story that was worth writing down, one that should’ve been made into its own movie.

And then they told their friends, and even with the broken rules, they couldn't help but feel like it was meant to be. Like this time they’d spent together was so worth it, that falling was only perfect when it was the two of them.

There were no words to describe the way that any of it felt. No words except that Spencer used to whisper to her at night, when they were sitting under the stars. He used to tell her about the 66% of relationships that failed, used to make her gasp in fear, he used to tell her how he was smart enough to know that they were apart of the 34%.

And those words, those words were enough. Enough to describe everything.

But when he was standing in front of her, there were no words to describe the look in his eyes. No words to describe the disappointment that had carved itself into her heart. That tainted her lungs with the negative air she thought she wouldn't be able to breathe in for much longer.

These past couple of months, had been so unlike, had been so familiar to the past couple of years. So similar and so different from before.

There was something that both of them had failed to discover in the three years they’d been together, something that neither of them had known. Neither of them had needed to know.

‘Earth-shattering’ moments aren't always like the ones you hear about in romance novels. They aren't always realizations that you want, change that makes everything better. They aren't always a person changing you for the better.

These past couple of months, they’d both notice the growing crack in the foundation of the two of them. They’d both felt the earth sway underneath their feet when they shared a glance that was unfamiliar to both of them.

Y/N used to notice how dependable Spencer was, how dedicated he was. She used to notice all the little things he did for her, like getting her coffee in the morning, holding the elevator for her, saving her a seat on the plane, all these little things that he did just to make her smile. She used to notice the way he made sure to take care of her, to keep her warm and safe in the world that was so unbearably cold.

And, she just, couldn't anymore.

Suddenly, Spencer had forgotten how she took her coffee, he’d forgotten that they were supposed to grab breakfast together every morning. That it was a part of the rules they’d made together earlier in the year.

Suddenly, Spencer was only waking himself up, his alarm was only loud enough for one of them to hear in the morning. Suddenly he was already out of the door when she had only barely just woken up. And there were no smiles, no reminders, no double-checking. Spencer was gone, and it was mornings alone she had to get used to.

Suddenly, the elevator closed right when she stepped up, she didn't need to go home with him anyway. It didn't matter. They always drove separate cars in the morning.

She hated to think about how Spencer would rather drive, than ride with her.

Suddenly, Y/N sat next to Emily on the plane, and when she didn't have her own file, Emily was always sure to share it with her. And suddenly, she didn't crave that warmth as much as she used to, suddenly she thought that maybe she could live without it.

All of these things, these beautiful things that she had noticed when she was naive, when she thought so much differently of everything else, suddenly these things were gone. And she was left alone with independence, with thoughts that kept her tied to the ground.

And Spencer was looking at her.

They were both standing in their living room.

She couldn't even remember how this fight had started, who had yelled first, how her eyes had managed to get as puffy as they were. She couldn't remember why this had started, where it had, she couldn't remember anything.

But she knew that they could both feel it, that they were both aware of the ground crumbling underneath them. She knew that it wasn't a secret. Not something she could simply just hide.

She ran a hand over her face, trying so hard to not want to pull her own skin off, trying not to want to crawl into herself.

“What do you want Y/N?” Spencer asked finally, his voice raw as he stared at her.

She was almost sure that they'd been yelling for the better part of an hour, that their neighbors were awake and listening. She was almost sure that both of them had lost their voices, and that at any second either one of them would crash onto the floor and fall asleep.

They were both so tired of fighting.

In the past month, it was all they'd been doing. The only time they talked to each other.

Before that, they’d just ignored each other. Shared awkward smiles and passing glances when they were in the same room, for months, that was all they did. They didn't go out for dinner or stay up late talking. They didn't do anything together anymore, and both of them could feel the distance living between the two of them.

At any second, it felt like they would both implode. Felt like they might fall in a way so much different than before.

She was afraid, so afraid that if she looked down, she would see the sky beneath her feet.

There were no words to classify this moment, no words that she could think of that could explain the pure fire that was shaking her bones. Making her feel like she wasn't even really there.

What did she want?

Did she want that old Spencer back, that old Y/N back? Did she want things to go back to the way that they used to be? Did she want Spencer to be the man that she used to depend upon? Did she want to feel those moments again? Did she want to be that love story?

It felt like a long time coming when she finally sighed and shook her head. Not needing the words to let Spencer know that she wasn't sure.

“What can I do Y/N? Because I’m tired of standing here,” Spencer’s voice was quiet, his temper as in control as ever, his thoughts locked in a place Y/N was sure she would never be a part of.

She was almost sure that she heard him mumble something else under his breath, that he had more to say. But she didn't want to ask, she didn't really want to hear anyway.

“I don't know Spencer. I’m just-” she stopped, the tears gathering in her eyes as she felt herself at a loss for words.

What do you do when the love of your life is standing in front of you, asking what you want, willing to do anything, but you have nothing to say? What do you do when you can't feel anything?

She wished she didn't feel dizzy at how fast the world was spinning around her.

“You’re just what Y/N? You’re just tired? You’re done? What?” Spencer was desperate, his body moving with his words, his hands gesturing with every word that came out of his mouth. If Y/N would’ve been looking at him, she would’ve seen the growing anger in his eyes. The frustration that had set itself on her shoulders.

Y/N was thinking, thinking about those moments that she used to feel with him, that warmth in her stomach she used to get when he smiled at her.

There was something in her, something small, reaching out desperately, hoping to grab onto that warmth again, trying to get that feeling back. There was something inside of her that wanted it all back, that wanted to breathe again.

She wanted to not feel this fire rattling her bones.

“Y/N?” Spencer repeated, his voice finally breaking away from the control. His voice suddenly angrier than she was used to.

“I don't know Spencer!” She snapped, looking back up at him.

And she could hear him asking why, but she couldn't hear a thing.

Spencer was speaking to her, and she thought that maybe his voice was so loud that he didn't notice the rumbling under both of them.

She thought that maybe he couldn't hear it.

She thought that maybe he didn't notice the ground.

Shaking, rocking against the two of them. Maybe he didn't see the cracks in the floor, the tear between the two of them.

Maybe he didn't feel it crumbling under both of them. Maybe he didn't know.

She couldn't look away, couldn't stop thinking about how it was finally happening, how the earth was really shattering under both of them. She couldn't help but start thinking about how fake it had all been, how different every moment had been, how none of it could compare to this.

To this insanity, this madness, this terror that was shaking both of them.

But Spencer was still yelling at her, he was still too angry to see, and she she just, she couldn't.

“I want to be done.”

Her voice was the final edge the world needed, the final single, the last second of the world falling between the two of them.

And then, they were standing in front of each other again, the silence louder than the world, her words echoing in a place that neither of them were familiar with.

Her words were just enough to make the world stop.

To make everything stop.

“What?” Spencer whispered against the silence, his voice too loud for both of them, his question rattling off of the pain both of them shared.

They’d become so connected in the years together.

“I’m exhausted,” Y/N whispered back, her words meaning nothing, nothing, and everything. “I’m so tired Spencer, and I don't-” she swallowed the thoughts becoming impossible.

She could barely get the air in her lungs now, she could barely feel past this lump in her throat. But still, she had to continue. “I don't think I can do this anymore. I don't think this is good anymore.”

And the earth, it would’ve been shattering. It would’ve. But, but, but, it was too late. But it had already happened. But their moments were gone.

Itwasalreadyover. It was already done.

And Spencer couldn't help but repeat his question, even his brain not latching onto her words. Not understanding something he didn't want to understand.

“When was the last time you felt happy with me Spencer?”

Spencer couldn't move. His eyes were stuck on her. “I don't-” he swallowed his voice getting smaller with every breath he took in. “I don't- We’ve been-”

“We haven't been anything Spencer. We’ve been walking in circles around each other, trying to avoid each other. I don't think we’ve been happy for a while.”

“We aren't-” Spencer could barely breathe now, her words ringing in his ears “Relationships get stronger with time, we just- we just need time. Just time Y/N.” He tried to take a step closer, tried to replace this distance between the two of them.

He wouldn't have been able to get across the hole in the floor even if Y/N hadn't moved back.

Her words were just enough to make the world stop.

“No Spencer. I can't do that.”

And it hurt, it hurt so bad to say the words out loud, it hurt so bad to come to this realization, to this terrible thought that she’d never once thought she might have.

But the nights alone, but the days sitting in nothing, but the loneliness that she had, but all of it, all of it hurt so much worse.

It hurt so much worse to be alone when she was with him. It hurt so much worse to know that they were still supposed to be together.

“Y/N, I love you-” Spencer tried, he tried again, he was trying so hard to hold onto her. But, she knew, she knew that she couldn't stay. That she wouldn't stay behind again.

She couldn't depend on him anymore.

“I love you too Spencer.” she interrupted, moving back, farther away from him. “I love you so much. But we can't do this anymore, we can't look for something that isn't there.

Spencer stopped. He didn't say a thing.

Her words were just enough to make the world stop.

He was looking at her, and he could feel it. He could feel the two of them moving apart, he could feel the mistakes of both of them, he could hear the things that were unspoken between the two of them.

And then he broke down, falling to the floor, his body collapsing with him.

Y/N moved over to him, falling with him once more, falling to the floor, their pain an equally shared feeling, their desperation exactly the same.

For once more, they would break together.

And they did, they both sobbed against each other, both felt the warmth that they’d missed, both understood the difference in it, the difference in this connection of the two of them.

Their foundation had cracked until it wasn't stable, it had fallen into so many pieces, and now there was nothing left to stand on.

They were done.

And so, they shared one more moment. They stayed on the floor together, the rain outside reminding them of exactly how final it all was.

And they stayed there until they both felt strong enough to stand, both felt like it was finally time to get up.

And then there was nothing, as they looked at each other, they both knew the reality of the situation. They could feel the tension in the air.

Spencer whispered again, his voice gone, his eyes pleading. “Y/N…” he said softly while he held onto her, trying to keep her there, trying to let her go, trying to do everything all at the same time.

She whispered his name back, tears leaking out of her eyes as she watched him.

And then she leaned into him, and she kissed him, she fell into his lips, created this connection between the two of them, she fell into him for the last time and she committed the taste of him to memory, she saved this moment in her head, this last moment of the two of them. She kissed him until she was breathless for a completely different reason.

She kissed him one last goodbye.

And then she let go.

And she let the earth shatter under her feet as she walked out the door.

my masterlist here.

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid imagines #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds rp #criminal minds headcanons #mgg #mgg blurb #mgg fanfiction #mgg x reader

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 5 years

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summertime sadness .7.

night moves

Sequel to kiss me in the d-a-r-k

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 (masterlist under construction)

Warnings: non con sex (oral, intercourse) WARNING LOKI CHAPTER.

This is dark!(dad)Steve and dark(professor!)Bucky and dark!Loki and explicit. 18+ only.

Summary: Loki takes what he wants.

Note: Well, despite everything I finished this yesterday before the flood of dismay. That being said, this series has an arc and we will follow our course. Next chapter, back to other characters. And a final warning that this chapternis rough. REALLLY rough so please proceed with caution. Thank you!💋

<3 Let me know what you think in a reblog, reply, or like. I’m loving the feedback from y'all and the enthusiasm! Also as always, memes accepted.

💋💋💋

The walk-up was just as refined as its resident. Loki’s arm was around your waist as he led you up the steps of the upscale townhouse. It wasn’t as endearing as Steve’s suburban mansion or as cozy as Bucky’s urban loft. It was as cold and unwelcoming as the man who lived there.

As you entered, he drew away from you and locked the door. He flicked the light on as he turned to you.

“Allow me, dear,” He unhooked the strap of your purse from your shoulder.

He hung it on the rack beside the door. He added his shoes to a row of polished leather and you wobbled out of your heels. You were careful to set them on the mat. As you stood, his hand brushed your ass and he slapped it firmly. He hummed as his hand lingered and kneaded through your dress.

“Upstairs,” He ordered as he shoved you ahead of him.

You stumbled towards the staircase and caught yourself on the bannister. You climbed reluctantly, one step at a time. He was close behind. As you neared the top, his hands were once more on your ass. You let out a pathetic whimpered as his hands crawled up your back.

He braced the top of your dress, his finger slipped under the fabric and he pushed you against the wall. He jolted your body as he broke the zipper and tore the dress down to your waist. You gasped and tried to pull away. He pressed his body against yours and pinned you to the wall.

“I could have you right here, darling,” He slipped the straps down your arms, the dress caught only between your bodies. “Hmmm? Against this wall. Like this.”

You slapped your palms against the wall as you tried to get away. He grabbed your wrists and twisted your arms behind you as he stepped back. The straps hung around your elbows as your dress slipped from your chest. He drew you away from the wall and turned you down the long hallway.

He walked you forward until you were at a black door. He released you and untangled the dress from your body. It slumped to your ankles and you shivered as you stood in only your bra. He gripped the back of it and you squeaked.

“Please--”

He tore it sharply and just as swiftly tossed it to the floor. He dragged his hands down your back and around your sides. He reached past you to turn the handle and nudged the door open. He pressed himself to you as he guided you inside. He flipped the light on with one hand as he continued to force you into the room.

“I must admit, I’ve been distracted from my work, darling.” He parted from you slowly. He rounded you as he spoke. “Trying to decide exactly how I want you.” He stopped in front of you and touched your chin. “You are such an obedient pet.”

You turned your face away defiantly. He chuckled.

“You can snarl, dear, but we both know you won’t flee,” He mused as he ran his thumb across your bottom lip. “You've come this far.”

You swallowed and lowered your eyes in shame. He was right. You both knew it. He brought his other hand up and gripped your head, his long fingers stretched up across your hair. He squeezed until you looked at him.

“Shall I have your mouth again? You are so skilled.” He smirked. “Maybe…”

He started to back you up. He walked forward as you were forced to blindly retreat. The bed loomed behind you and your knees met the edge of the mattress. You trembled and your legs buckled as he forced you to sit.

His hand remained on your head as he straddled you and pushed you flat on your back beneath him. You placed your hands on his, terrified, and stared up at him. “Mr. Laufeyson…” You breathed.

“Shhh,” He turned his hands and forced yours down.

He crawled over you on his knees until they were beside your head and you were trapped. He unbuckled his belt as he sat back on your chest and you felt as if you would suffocate. You batted helpless beneath him, your arms confined under his weight.

“I don’t want to do this,” You wheezed. “Please. I can’t--”

“We both know what happens if you don’t,” He unzipped his pants and ignored your squirming.

“I-I--” Your throat constricted with dread. “I quit. I can’t do this--”

He snickered and his hand hovered along his crotch. “Mmm. Do you think Professor Barnes should like to see his own job so carelessly tossed away?”

“Why are you doing this?” You whined. “Please. He didn’t do anything.”

“So it was you,” He rubbed the front of his pants as he spoke. “You entrapped him?”

“Yes, it was me,” You kicked frantically. “Please, get off. I just wanna go.”

“Do you think the dean will care either way? You’ll both be out on your asses.” He taunted.

You closed your eyes as your head spun. Your heart pounded and you let out a soft sob. You could take the distance between you and Bucky but you couldn’t ruin his whole career; his life. Not for your own.

“You win,” You croaked. “Okay… just--get it over with.”

“Get what over with?” He teased. “Tell me what you want, darling.”

You bared your teeth desperately and huffed. You bit down as you tried to gather the last of your strength. “Don’t make me--”

“Say it,” He urged. “Beg me for it.”

“Please…” Your protest died quickly as his green eyes sparked. This man didn’t care at all. Not about you, only about his power over you. Your eyes burned. “Please… give me your… cock.”

“Oh?” He quirked his head coyly.

“Let me…” You felt airy, dizzy. The wine burned in your stomach. You should’ve had more. “Let me suck it.”

“Suck it?” He repeated as his fingers danced over his crotch.

“Let me suck it, sir,” You bit the inside of your cheeks as you gritted your teeth.

“Mmhmm,” He hummed in approval. “Well, since you’ve asked so nicely.”

You stared at the ceiling as he quickly pushed his fly open. He pulled himself out above his pants and you blinked away the tears. You looked back to him as he raised himself slightly on his knees and pressed the tip of his cock to your mouth. You opened stiffly but your reticence did not slow him.

He forced himself down your throat and you choked. He lifted your head with one hand as he thrust as deep as he could go. You scratched at the blankets as you writhed below him. He pulled back and you nearly gagged, barely able to catch your breath before he plunged into you again.

He was rough, uncaring. You were nothing. A toy for him to play with until he broke you. You could only lay there and let him fuck your face. Your saliva spread around your lips as it gathered around him and mixed with his salty precum. You spasmed and panted, frantic as your vision sparkled.

As you thought you would pass out, he pulled out entirely. Your spit clung to his dick and your throat was raw. You coughed and he sat back on your chest again. His cock bobbed before him and he stroked it as he smirked down at you.

He slowly backed off of you. He dragged you up by your arm and your legs shook beneath you as he pulled you to your feet. You latched onto him without thinking and he caught you. He drew you close and slipped his hand down your ass. He felt around between your legs and rubbed your cunt.

“I think you’re ready for me, dear,” He swayed you against him. “I’d say you were aching for me, even.” You wiped your mouth and try to pull back. He hugged you tight and leaned in to whisper in your ear. “Turn around. Bend over.” He let you go. “Don’t move.”

You winced and turned slowly to obey. As you bent, the cool air tickled your hot cunt. You heard him moving around, the squeaky hinges of a closet opening and shutting. It was better not to look. Just close your eyes and let it be over with.

You sensed his approach. You inhaled deeply as his hand wrapped around your ankles and frightened you. You peeked down and saw the odd metallic bar in his hand. He attached a cuff at its end around your ankle and pushed your legs apart. You quivered and he secured the other cuff, your legs held apart by the contraption.

You caught yourself on your hands before you could fall forward. You held yourself up on fingertips. He slapped your ass and you yelped. He groped you and pinched your thighs sharply. He stepped back as you struggled to find your balance.

His jacket hit the end of the bed, followed by his button up. You shook your head as you tried to convince yourself this wasn’t real. His pants, his briefs, socks balled up on the floor. He was naked and you were weak.

He paced around you. You looked up at him and he stroked himself right in front of your face. His lithe frame was lined with tight muscles beneath his pale skin. You tried not to linger on his body and lowered your head again.

“What shall I do now, dear?” He asked.

“Sir…” You rasped. “Please…”

“Tell me.” He said.

“Fuck me,” You gritted out. “Please, sir… fuck me.”

He traced your spine with his fingers as he rounded you again. He grabbed your hips and jerked you back. Your feet almost slipped out from under you. He pressed his cock to your ass and led it down between your legs. His tips dragged along your folds and he guided it back to your entrance.

He paused. The air grew still as you braced yourself. You let out the breath you’d been holding and tried to look back at him. He slammed inside of you suddenly and you cried out. He held himself at his limit and you whined. He pushed against your cervix painfully and wiggled his hips.

“Darling,” He purred. “You are so… tight.”

You grunted as he pulled back and thrust. His pelvis slapped against your ass roughly. He kept his pace steady, deliberate; lingering in you before continuing. You were quickly out of breath as your wits stirred. Your core began to hum and your nails dug into the floor as your arms shook.

He crashed into you, over and over. Slowly, he sped up and the slapping of flesh grew louder and louder. And so did you. First a groan, then a moan, until you were exclaiming in a storm of pain and delight. You were delirious from the flurry that overwhelmed you.

“Beg me,” He snarled and slapped your ass. “Beg me for my cum.” You shook your head and he smacked your harder. “Beg!”

“Please, I want your cum,” You whined. “Give me your cum.”

He rutted into you harder and bent forward to hook his fingers around your shoulders. He pulled you up against him. His hand wrapped around your neck as he sank into you over and over.

“Again.” He demanded.

“I want your cum…” You breathed. “Please, sir.”

“Say my name,” He growled.

“Mr.--” He squeezed and you mewled. “Loki. Loki, please, I want your cum.”

He crashed into you and quaked. His thrusts grew frantic and uneven. Your thighs buzzed as your walls twitched around him. You let out a surprised squeak as you came. His own orgasm followed quickly but he didn’t stop until his cum leaked out around his dick.

Your heart pulsed in your ears as your core cooled. Your mind cleared as he dropped you and pulled out. You fell forward and barely kept from landing on your face. You slowly let yourself slide down onto your stomach. The static faded and reality crept back to the surface.

You buried your face in your arms to hide. The shame was swept aside by a sudden wave of anger. This man would not ruin you. He could own your body, but he would never own any other part of you. You would not let him.

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lesbianbernardsumner · 4 years

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Hey! Its thing >:)!

Its the thing i was teasing at in that post last night, and technically for like... four months? five? huh its been a bit since i second changed my url huh. Im not gonna go check or anything. If I were a bit more patient i wouldve waited for the archive collection become canon but im not. funfacterdroid is just more of my bran! Anyway! This post is my first impressions and opinions on each song on Back to the Egg! The Wings album i temporarily renamed myself after. (told ya i was gonna ramble wasnt i ydbfyufjd). It also happens to be the only wings album i havent listened to yet. And sure theres a bunch of singles and b-sides i havent listened to either, but this is the last one! I figured it should get some of its own treatment! I know that its gonna sound different to London Town and the two before it, cause McCulloch and English arent here. I’ve also heard that this album is bad and people called Paul a sellout because he transitioned to New Wave. New Wave is my favorite genre and I guess Wings werent ever that far from it? But they’re still a rock band at heart so i dont know how that change is going to fare. Enough introduction: Lets just go track by track! -Side One: Sunny Side Up-

Reception: Its just some radio garble, an instrumental meant to introduce the album. dont really have any opinions on it. Getting Closer: JAHBUDHSAUHJDHS WOAH WOAH WOAH!!! I didnt expect such a threatening title to be so upbeat. Like... opposite of Beware My Love. I do think its odd that there is barely any backup singing? Its not horrible just weird that this song, out of all the openers, doesnt. That outro is very much meant to be like a darker part of the song, like the dream sequence from A Day In The Life, but god dammit this song is just so upbeat! so weirdly cheerful and gentle! And... only 3 minutes? Rockshow and Jet were 4... eh those albums had a lot less songs, this one has 13 not counting Reception! Same as London Town, which i also really like! We’re Open Tonight: Oooohhh!! Very soft, I think I know what its about but when taken literally, to me it sounds like a quaint little shop trying to lure you in, sinisterly. I think the bass is making it sound evil to me, but thats a great thing! Clearly its trying to be like another I’m Carrying but that song fucking sucks!!!!!! I also really like how its only 1 minute, something so haunting about it. Not sure if thats positive or negative but the songs cool! Spin It On: hHEHEYEHY!! Getting Closer.... 2! kinda. Its much much faster and i can barely understand the words hes saying... or what hes spinning. The backing vocals are really cool though. the lyrics mention a pinball table? Y.. you know pinball doesn't spin right? it falls.... Questionable lyrics aside, theres really not a lot of SPEEDY Wings songs! Glad that one of the few is also extremely good!

Again and Again and Again: WOW OKAY! this is sung by denny, all of these songs start pretty fast unlike a good chunk of their past work, but i really like that! But it also means i cannot process a single thing denny is saying, i think he said something about a school? and being in a bad situation? ah whatever. Denny used to be in an R&B band and i really think thats going to work here! This isnt an exactly a Rhythm-y or Bluesey song, but He’s clearly having fun! thats why i love wings in general, its easy to tell that the band was having fun recording a song! Old Siam, Sir: A-hmm. Paul’s doing his squeaky voice again... I guess that can work sometimes but its absolutely not complimenting the piano in the background. Also, I feel like a squeaky voice wouldnt work the best for a story song. A story thats pretty incomprehensible too? Who is this lady! What the fuck is this village!! This is the song you wanted to make 4 minutes? and it fades out too... how much did they record... Arrow Through Me: So this is the one that the critics liked? Its the most synth heavy which i understand why people like, I like synths too! I like how the bass (which i think is also from a synth?) lines up perfectly with the horns! Its alright, it might grow on me later, but now its just a passable song. One i wouldnt skip. Plus I really like the reverb effects, the whole album has em but this one really makes use!! Kinda bad overall though.

-Side Two: Over Easy- Rockestra Theme: Just an instrumental. But one thats really important to music history! I don’t actually know the full story to this one, but I do know that i really like it! Plus the vocal effects on Paul’s... Scatting i guess you could call it? Whatever it is, it works! To You: This sounds... eerily like Getting Closer. But bad... Eh I like that organ. Not much to say really... theres only like one verse. After the Ball / Million Miles: Oh cool another medley. Last one we got was two albums ago! I guess since this is technically two songs id have to... review them both? After the Ball is exactly what it sounds like. A gentle rock song about seeing your love after a party :)! Pretty standard for wings. Million Miles! Sounds a lot like After the Ball but with an accordian? Fuck I’m not complaining. But also who the fuck is Deo. Winter Rose / Love Awake: Uh- Something is,,, wrong with Paul’s voice. like he damaged it? I mean its not horrible it just kinda takes me out of the emersion? Oh we’re already on Love Awake! his voice is fine now..! Man this song is mediocre! No wonder the 70s are regarded as lame./lh Weird that Linda isn’t singing backup here? Or if she is that Denny’s voice is just drowning her out. Winter Rose itself is kinda lame but its... sweeter I guess? The Broadcast: SINISTER!!!!!!! I do not know who is talking but this sounds... dystopian. I don’t even know what the poem is about its just... the whole song is slightly off. But i mean that in a good way! So Glad to See You Here: MAN! They were trying so hard to be punk... Okay as a punk song this sounds horrible! But as a song in general i like it! It’s not mixed the best but i really like the lyrics! And I-HOLY SHIT WE’RE OPEN TONIGHT PART TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really didnt expect that,,, thats.... genuinely cool! Baby’s Request: Oh the finale! H..huh... Jazzy! And its about going to sleep.. i think? Regardless, Paul’s good at writing songs to fall asleep to, this isnt an exception at all!! Although it is weird that at the end the same horn plays as the one in Thrillington’s Monkberry Moon Delight... Its probably just a coincidence, i thought it was funny though. ---- Okay! Overall, I liked Sunny Side-Up more as a whole since i like 4/6 of its songs, but MAN So Glad to See You Here and Baby’s Request are REALLLY GOOD-But then again. I only listened to all of these songs once, and i wont listen to them again until ive finished writing this post, just to keep my first impressions fresh. I don’t really know what else to say that album was fun as hell! So I’d give Back To The Egg a... 7.8/10! I really didnt expect to like it this much. even though New Wave is my favorite music genre, i didnt think paul would be able to do it justice! Especially since the genre was just starting itself up... heh.... hope it gets archived soon.

#vialogue #rambling #BACKTOTHEEGGARCHIVECOLLECTION IS FAKE NOW!!! IM FREE TO BE FUNFACTERDROID AGAIN!!!!!!#also if youve listened to it feel free to share your opinions too...#now. i can.. make a playlist i guess?#im not good at making playlists at all dyshbfdshj #i just go to a band's tab and shuffle all of their music #anyway. im going to leech off these songs for like 4 weeks now bye bye/lh #temporary sequeuetary #<- no way in hell im posting this immediately yusgbu #long post

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oliver-do-the-twist · 4 years

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How the Van der Linde Gang showers

(Don't worry its sfw)

Feel free to boo me if I'm wrong

Arthur

this man is a pretty regular showerer

when he gets the chance of course

his showering time tho? not regular

it entirely depends on his mood

when hes happy its like a quick 5 minute shower done and done

but when my guy is sad he will shower until the water gets cold and then some

he just needs the comfort ok??

leave him alone

Dutch

God save anyone who intervenes with his showers

hes in there for an entire hour

and he has a plan a structured way of cleaning himself

sugar scrubs, exfoliates, hair and skin masks, mustache shampoo

its all there

I would need a whole different list for just his after shower routine

but it mostly consists of him just oiling up his hair again despite all the time washing it

drives everyone up the walls with how much time it takes, but the only person who ever complains is Hosea, because everyone else is to afraid to

but then he doesn't shower until a few days later with the belief that longer showers= less showering

Hosea

Pretty average

he sees showers as just a quick way to clean off

5-10 minutes done

but if anyone messes w him when hes bathing???

they're gonna need more than God to save them

his bath time is for HIM and HIM ALONE

he gets the candles, nice music, wine, dims the lights if he’s not reading a book

its really his time to unwind and not deal with Dutch’s crap

that’s why its so important lol

John

HAHAHAA no

Dutch and Hosea tried to make him once, everyone is still getting over the trauma

Once he starts getting more serious with Abigail he does try to be a little cleaner for her though, and she respects that even though he's still reallly greasy

Javier

Oh you know this man is a singer

He takes his hygiene very seriously, but sometimes he forgets to even wash himself hes so busy performing his concert shower

His vibrato will echo throughout the house

He always seems to shower when Bills taking his nap and his singing causes Bill to go into a blind rage

Micah

Actively tries not to shower

But once he saw how much Dutch takes his showers seriously he tried to clean himself a little bit

He quickly gave up

Mary-Beth

Showers are THE prime time for day dreaming for her

So her showers take like, forever

Sometimes like Javier where she'll forget to actually wash herself

Likes the finer things, she'll pay extra for the good products

Charles

Ok I might get hate for this

But he's not a regular showerer

BUT that doesnt mean he doesn't keep himself clean

He knows alternatives to showering because he knows how to survive for long periods in the wildness where there arnt showers

He does like good smelling stuff tho, he'll find good smelling herbs and flowers to stuff in his pockets to smell nice

he considers a good shower a nice treat, and therefore when he does shower it takes forever

Sadie

Showers quick, to the point

Kinda sees them as chores so she doesn't try too hard, just gets them out of the way

Does the bare minimum, could care less about her hairy legs and what you say about them

Sean

Showers like, maybe once a week or two unless he's bullied into more

It takes him forever to do it and he still somehow does a bad job at it

Tilly

Her showers are about 20-30 minutes

She loves to pamper herself with nice things

She actually really likes to shower, she likes the physical act of scrubbing away all the dirt and grime and the feeling of cleanliness

Kieran

I'm sorry but this sweet boy is not very clean

Have you seen at his greasy head of his??

He tries, he really does, but he just can't get the hand of showering regularly

Not to mention he's terrified of getting in anyone's way, if anyone wants the shower while he was planning to use it, he'll immediately give it up

Abigail

She used to like taking her time in the shower but ever since Jack was born she doesn't have time to :/

She still makes it a priority, but its not as possible as it used to be

As Jack got older, (like 2 or 3 yo, not rdr1 age) she would shower with him more often than not (its not weird, she's his MOM)

She always liked splashing with him and playing fun water games

Jack

Little baby loves showers!

Its all playtime and fun when he showers with mom

He is always fascinated by the fact that Abigail can make bubbles with her hands by blowing through them, he always tries to copy her but he always blows the bubble too hard and it pops

That never stops him from trying again tho

Trelawny

Dont even get me started on him lol

Bill

Honestly, he forgets to shower

Until Mrs Grimshaw uh,, gently reminds him

Even then he'll just step in, let the water run over him for a few minutes and call it good

He is then forced back in by Susan with a bottle of two in one body wash and shampoo and isn't allowed out until a good portion of it is used

Lenny

He thinks hygiene is important.

He knows it's important to be presentable, so he makes a nice habit of showering

His showers arnt anything fancy, just the basics, but that's better than some of these people here lol

Molly

Everyone HATES when she's in the shower

She's like Dutch in that she takes forever, I mean hey, this girl was raised nice, there's nothing wrong with getting rid of all the dirt and grime that comes with running with outlaws

Except unlike Dutch, she'll get a lot of hate from the meaner members, poor girl

Loan shark

Very hygienic, his showers have been mastered for ultimate efficiency

Thinks he's better than the people who don't shower regularly

Karen

She likes the idea of being clean

She thinks she showers more than she does, gets annoyed when someone (Susan) will point out that she needs a wash

Her showers also take f o r e v e r

Swanson

Poor man likes to be clean

Which really sucks when hes so drunk he can't tell what day it is

Once he does clean up his act however, he does make a pointed effort to keep himself clean

He sees it as a way to keep himself together

Pearson

Lol why would he shower?? His sweat is free seasoning

Really tho he has a version of the hygiene routine he practiced in the navy, its just not so routine

But really he's just lazy and thinks he's entitled to not have to clean up for people because he feeds everyone

Susan

Between keeping the camp running and keeping everyone alive she doesn't have much time on her plate for much

But does that stop this woman? Hell no

She won't let excuses get in the way of her hygiene

She has mastered the art of quick and effective showering

Thinks that because she can do it, everyone should (she's right)

Uncle

The King of excuses

But they swing both ways, he'll either make an excuse on why he has to use the shower before anyone else does and for as long as he wants, or he'll come up with any reason not to shower

Either way he's a pain to deal with, per usual

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baddyxangel · 4 years

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GUYS. The Darklina scene has arrived. Enjoy: “If only I’d known you’d prove such an apt pupil.” His voice was genuinely admiring, almost surprised. To my horror, I found that pathetic orphaned part of me taking pleasure in his praise. “Why come to me now?” he asked. “Has it taken you this long to recover from our skirmish?” If that had been a mere skirmish, then we really were lost. No, I told myself. He’d chosen that word deliberately, to intimidate me. I ignored his question and said, “I didn’t expect compliments.” “No?” “I left you buried beneath a pile of rubble.” “And if I told you I respect your ruthlessness?” “I don’t think I’d believe you.” The barest smile touched his lips. “An apt pupil,” he repeated. “Why waste my anger on you when the fault is mine? I should have anticipated another betrayal from you, one more mad grasp at some kind of childish ideal. But I seem to be a victim of my own wishes where you are concerned.” His expression hardened. “What have you come here for, Alina?” I answered him honestly. “I wanted to see you.” I caught the briefest glimpse of surprise before his face shuttered again. “There are two thrones on that dais. You could see me anytime you liked.” “You’re offering me a crown? After I tried to kill you?” He shrugged again. “I might have done the same.” “I doubt it.” “Not to save that motley of traitors and fanatics, no. But I understand the desire to remain free.” “And still you tried to make me a slave.” “I sought Morozova’s amplifiers for you, Alina, that we might rule as equals.” “You tried to take my power for your own.” “After you ran from me. After you chose—” He stopped, shrugged. “We would have ruled as equals in time.” I felt that pull, the longing of a frightened girl. Even now, after everything he’d done, I wanted to believe the Darkling, to find some way to forgive him. I wanted Nikolai to be alive. I wanted to trust the other Grisha. I wanted to believe anything so that I wouldn’t have to face the future alone. The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak. A laugh escaped me before I thought better of it. “We would be equals until the day I dared to disagree with you, until the moment I questioned your judgment or didn’t do as I was bid. Then you would deal with me the way you dealt with Genya and your mother, the way you tried to deal with Mal.” He leaned against the window, and the gilded frame came into sharp focus. “Do you think it would be any different with your tracker beside you? With that Lantsov pup?” “Yes,” I said simply. “Because you would be the strong one?” “Because they’re better men than you.” “You might make me a better man.” “And you might make me a monster.” “I’ve never understood this taste for otkazat’sya. Is it because you thought you were one of them for so long?” “I had a taste for you, once.” His head snapped up. He hadn’t expected that. Saints, it was satisfying. “Why haven’t you visited me?” I asked. “In all these long months?” He stayed silent. “There was barely a day at the Little Palace when you didn’t come to me,” I continued. “When I didn’t see you in some shadowed corner. I thought I was going mad.” “Good.” “I think you’re afraid.” “How comforting that must be for you.” “I think you fear this thing that binds us.” It didn’t frighten me. Not anymore. I took a slow step forward. He tensed but did not move away. “I am ancient, Alina. I know things about power that you can barely guess at.” “But it’s not just power, is it?” I said quietly, remembering the way he had toyed with me when I’d first arrived at the palace— even before, from the first moment we’d met. I’d been a lonely girl, desperate for attention. I must have given him so little sport. I took another step. He stilled. Our bodies were almost touching now. I reached up and cupped his cheek with my hand. This time the flash of confusion on his face was impossible to miss. He held himself frozen, his only movement the steady rise and fall of his chest. Then, as if in concession, he let his eyes close. A line appeared between his brows. “It’s true,” I said softly. “You are stronger, wiser, infinite in experience.” I leaned forward and whispered, my lips brushing the shell of his ear. “But I am an apt pupil.”

"I feel like a starving child in the middle of the Sahara who has been given a SINGLE drop of water and which turned to sand before reaching my dry mouth. That how that scene made me feel. " Me too)) I WANT MORE DARKLINA SCENES!!! The chemistry! Seriously. Are these two not realizing how they keep flirting? How easily the Darkling just showed his jealousy? Oh my... Reaction

Oh Saints. This is too much and not enough at the same time.

"Basically this scene could either end with them making out or with Alina trying to kill him again XD They are that explosive ;)" I have a very acute feeling of deja vú. It kind of makes me think of the time Alina approached him in the church think with promises only to trying to kill him(and her in the process). that last sentence is so vague. I mean, a whole army could march on them or the Darkling could just kiss her. Guise, I am starting to think they won't end up together. It seems like Alina is just trying to get the upper hand like the Darkling did to her. SOMEONE CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE PLEASE I NEED IT SAY I AM SUPER WRONG : I wish I could, but I can't. I try not to hope too much, but secretly I still do fervently hope they will end up together. I reallly, really hope they do, but right now Alina can't trust him, even though she really wants to. I hope this scene is somewhere near the beginning of the book, so that there will be more time for their relationship to develop and for her to forgive him or at least understand.

Okay, this has to be their first interaction since what happened in S&S. (Which gives me even more feels because they are totally flirting) For starters, usually excerpts are taken from the beginning of the book. Two, this line sort of indicates it's their first encounter too:

“Why come to me now?” he asked. “Has it taken you this long to recover from our skirmish?” Also.. “I sought Morozova’s amplifiers for you, Alina, that we might rule as equals.” “You tried to take my power for your own.” “After you ran from me. After you chose—” He stopped, shrugged. Darkling is totes jelly. I mean if he's telling the truth, he's put a lot of time and effort into finding these amplifiers so that he can give them to the person he has waited for so they can be equals and rule together. LE SIGH. Still, the Darkling was hesitant because maybe he's learned better than to allow his heart to get involved. The one time he let his guard down, she leaves him. From his POV, that sucks. I saw a theory a long time ago that said the Darkling might have tried to take Alina's power because he was angry and jealous. I didn't believe it, but maybe that was a factor. It's interesting how he sees it though. He doesn't say "after you fled the palace" or "after you went off to find the stag." He sees it as: "after you ran from me." He definitely took what she did personally. Reaction

So true, WinterRose. It's like... The first time he's felt alive in several forevers, and he totally got jilted. He doesn't know what to do with his vulnerability. I think he's also so stunned by what she does because he believes he's doing something so great that he has no idea why anyone wouldn't want it. You know? Well said Xzellaz. Alina is quick to jump to conclusions. She did run off before finding out the truth. What's interesting is that Baghra said the Darkling planned on using Alina's powers from the start; he doesn't say it, but it's sort of implied he did it because he was upset/angry. And maybe it's a little of both. But when Alina brings it up, he's immediately defensive: "AFTER you left me, after you choose--" AKA after you chose to leave me, chose Mal, chose an ordinary life, chose to throw away everything I've worked hard to give you, etc. He feels just as betrayed as Alina did. I also agree that he deserves to be able to live. I hate how many characters who go through a redeeming arc die. Well said Xzellaz. Alina is quick to jump to conclusions. She did run off before finding out the truth. What's interesting is that Baghra said the Darkling planned on using Alina's powers from the start; he doesn't say it, but it's sort of implied he did it because he was upset/angry. And maybe it's a little of both. But when Alina brings it up, he's immediately defensive: "AFTER you left me, after you choose--" AKA after you chose to leave me, chose Mal, chose an ordinary life, chose to throw away everything I've worked hard to give you, etc. He feels just as betrayed as Alina did. I also agree that he deserves to be able to live. I hate how many characters who go through a redeeming arc die. Lol can we talk about how Alina basically scolds the Darkling for not visiting her? I mean, it's not like she tried to kill him or anything, lol. It just amuses me how she acts like she hates him, then turns around and wants to know why he isn't visiting her. (Random but I also think that excerpt showed a more human side than we've seen of the Darkling so far. He's also unraveling a bit. VERY obvious at this point that he has feelings for her.)

Lol can we talk about how Alina basically scolds the Darkling for not visiting her? I mean, it's not like she tried to kill him or anything, lol. It just amuses me how she acts like she hates him, then turns around and wants to know why he isn't visiting her. (Random but I also think that excerpt showed a more human side than we've seen of the Darkling so far. He's also unraveling a bit. VERY obvious at this point that he has feelings for her.) All that's true, but I'm not so sure we can totally trust baghra's words. She wanted Alina to get away from the darkling so of course she is going to tell Alina, when she knows the girl is crushing hard core, that he only wanted to use her. And maybe he DID just want to use her at first, but then surprised himself by truly falling for her. that was interesting!! The way she's almost flip-flopping in the Darkling's presence between wanting to hate him and wanting him. I think they both unravel each other a bit, but in this case Alina made sure she had the upper hand this time. I have high hopes for them uniting because right now they're both confused and unpredictable.

1. Apt pupil- My guess is that Alina is paying the Darkling a "visitation" of the same sort he used to in S&S. And he's quite impressed she figured out how to to it in such a short time. (She did the same with The Cut. She is an apt pupil, after all.

2. The purpose of this visit- As much as I'd love to think the purpose of this visit is a good old fashion booty call, Alina clearly has an agenda. "If that had been a mere skirmish, then we really were lost." I'm guessing "we" is her camp, whomever that may be and because they're in deep trouble she's decided to pay the Darkling a visit... either to get help or information.

3. "“I doubt it.”- The second time I read this, my jaw dropped. The Darkling is sooo floored and so out of his game, he misunderstands her. Of course, she doesn't mean that he would not have done the same for the people. She's plainly stating that she doubts he would have the guts to try to kill her. That's the whole point of her being there. Somehow, she's figured it out. She knows the Darkling has feelings for her and he couldn't kill her. She knows she's his weak spot and she's flaunting it in his face. (And he doesn't even notice!) That early in the conversation, you can tell she knows she's got the upper hand because she knows, she finally knows. I can't even... 4. "I wanted...I wanted...I wanted"- I don't know why but all of these in the past tense bother me. If this is all she wanted and doesn't want anymore.. What does she want then? Shippers don't kill me, but one thing is clear to me from this scene. The only reason she pulls this one off is because she doesn't feel, at least right then at there, what she used to feel for the Darkling. It's like she went from denial to nothing. Alina seems so detached and calculating in this scene that I don't know what to think. Also notice absence of Mal in her list of "wanteds." 5. Alina's recriminations sound a lot like those of part of the fandom. Just saying, it's nice to finally lay all of those to rest. She called him on it, she even laughed at him. It's quite shocking. 6. It's quite entertaining to notice they both have the same arguing style: evade something they don't want to answer by creating a diversion. She does it at the beginning of their conversation. He does it when she brings the topic of Genya and Bahgra, by calling her on her "weakness" for Mal and Nikolai. Unfortunately for the Darkling it backfires badly for him, because she's not ashamed... unlike him, perhaps. You can tell that was a low blow for him. He leaned on the window... I don't think he's trying to sexy, he's actually looking for support. (Oh God, my kingdom for his POV on this scene.) 7."Because you would be the strong one?"- Ah, this is the crux of the situation. Although the Darkling would like to rule with Alina, he doesn't know how to handle a relationship that's not based on his being in control. Hopefully after this conversation it will become clear to him how this is not what Alina wants in her guy. (Although now it does seem like she's the one who likes being in control... They're really very much alike, whether she likes it or not.) 8."I must have given him so little sport." Well now, that's a little unfair. It's interesting to see Alina really might think that because I'm pretty sure it's completely the other way around. I don't think the Darkling has ever had this much sport going after someone. This must be like the Olympics of Darkling courtship... or something. Which is, of course, part of the reason why he's going like a moth to the flame. (Let's hope not in the literal sense.) 9."Frozen," "stilled" I think she's right. He is scared of her, of what she means to him and of the fact that she did try to kill him and he's about to kiss her again. If he does, she wins. Which is why I'm not sure how this scene will play out. He is floored and undone, but he's not used to being vulnerable. I'm guessing he'll do something to try to make her see who's in control. flag * 1. Apt pupil- My guess is that Alina is paying the Darkling a "visitation" of the same sort he used to in S&S. And he's quite impressed she figured out how to to it in such a short time. (She did the same with The Cut. She is an apt pupil, after all.) 2. The purpose of this visit- As much as I'd love to think the purpose of this visit is a good old fashion booty call, Alina clearly has an agenda. "If that had been a mere skirmish, then we really were lost." I'm guessing "we" is her camp, whomever that may be and because they're in deep trouble she's decided to pay the Darkling a visit... either to get help or information. 3. "“I doubt it.”- The second time I read this, my jaw dropped. The Darkling is sooo floored and so out of his game, he misunderstands her. Of course, she doesn't mean that he would not have done the same for the people. She's plainly stating that she doubts he would have the guts to try to kill her. That's the whole point of her being there. Somehow, she's figured it out. She knows the Darkling has feelings for her and he couldn't kill her. She knows she's his weak spot and she's flaunting it in his face. (And he doesn't even notice!) That early in the conversation, you can tell she knows she's got the upper hand because she knows, she finally knows. I can't even... 4. "I wanted...I wanted...I wanted"- I don't know why but all of these in the past tense bother me. If this is all she wanted and doesn't want anymore.. What does she want then? Shippers don't kill me, but one thing is clear to me from this scene. The only reason she pulls this one off is because she doesn't feel, at least right then at there, what she used to feel for the Darkling. It's like she went from denial to nothing. Alina seems so detached and calculating in this scene that I don't know what to think. Also notice absence of Mal in her list of "wanteds." 5. Alina's recriminations sound a lot like those of part of the fandom. Just saying, it's nice to finally lay all of those to rest. She called him on it, she even laughed at him. It's quite shocking. 6. It's quite entertaining to notice they both have the same arguing style: evade something they don't want to answer by creating a diversion. She does it at the beginning of their conversation. He does it when she brings the topic of Genya and Bahgra, by calling her on her "weakness" for Mal and Nikolai. Unfortunately for the Darkling it backfires badly for him, because she's not ashamed... unlike him, perhaps. You can tell that was a low blow for him. He leaned on the window... I don't think he's trying to sexy, he's actually looking for support. (Oh God, my kingdom for his POV on this scene.) 7."Because you would be the strong one?"- Ah, this is the crux of the situation. Although the Darkling would like to rule with Alina, he doesn't know how to handle a relationship that's not based on his being in control. Hopefully after this conversation it will become clear to him how this is not what Alina wants in her guy. (Although now it does seem like she's the one who likes being in control... They're really very much alike, whether she likes it or not.) 8."I must have given him so little sport." Well now, that's a little unfair. It's interesting to see Alina really might think that because I'm pretty sure it's completely the other way around. I don't think the Darkling has ever had this much sport going after someone. This must be like the Olympics of Darkling courtship... or something. Which is, of course, part of the reason why he's going like a moth to the flame. (Let's hope not in the literal sense.) 9."Frozen," "stilled" I think she's right. He is scared of her, of what she means to him and of the fact that she did try to kill him and he's about to kiss her again. If he does, she wins. Which is why I'm not sure how this scene will play out. He is floored and undone, but he's not used to being vulnerable. I'm guessing he'll do something to try to make her see who's in control. He is scared of her, of what she means to him and of the fact that she did try to kill him and he's about to kiss her again." He definitely showed his biggest fear in this scene and Alina calls him out. He's not afraid of the bond they share because of the power; he's afraid because he's fallen for her and that's completely changing his perfectly calculated plans. He doesn't WANT to love her but he does. He NEVER stilled or froze in the first two books. Isn't it funny that it's after she nearly killed him that he's become so unhinged? I think he truly means it when he says he respected her after that. That respect might have tipped his feelings for her even more.

Think he realized he was growing too attached to her for his own good? And that's why he stopped going to her? He would have recovered strength wise if months had passed. (Or maybe he just didn't feel the need to visit someone who wanted to kill him lol.) What's even more interesting to me though is that she wants to know why he stopped coming to see her even though she had just tried to kill him.

That's an interesting part of the conversation. I think Alina is playing on his feelings, really. She's saying exactly what she knows will undo him. So I dunno if she's tapping into her own feels, because she seems to be over it even as she say it. It's hard not to notice that. My guess is they did share something at that time. During his visitations they did get to be near each other in a way that neither thought possible. It was creepy but also his version of sweet I guess. He would console her when she cried, walk with her, etc). I guess it's the closest they've both have been to a relationship. Just cuz I'm lazy and I don't know if you would go back up to read through my edits... "I brought up those two ideas because... Alina not telling Mal about the visits was what I think the biggest miscommunication problem they had that resulted (eventually) in their fractured state. Also, it's fairly obvious that the Darkling spent a lot of time out of his conquering plans just to visit her. And since Alina often makes quick assumptions, I don't think his visits were just to scar her like the nichevo'ya bite that she thought was out of spite and so she 'would always wear his mark.'" However, the bite is something else. It makes Alina "immune" to volchra and the "nothings" because they see her as one of them. So it's protection. Also, it makes Alina see them and perhaps the Darkling in a new light: her monsters. I think he wanted to share a bit of his nature, to protect her and if this makes sense, to make her love him. I say she makes an army of whatever and bites him too. Then we all live happily ever after ;P That's a very good theory and if it's true that just hurts my heart. lol I can't remember and I don't have my book handy, but after the bite, do we know if the nothings can harm her? Or would they not want to? Maybe he did it because, while he's willing to fight her army/people, he does not want her harmed/killed. Idk why but that just makes me sad. lol I don't have the book here but I'm pretty sure that's the case. I think he mostly did it not so much because of the volchra but because of the "nothings." I wonder, when he did it, if he was thinking of protecting her from the "nothings" in general, because he knew what they were capable of, being a new kind of magic or if he was really protecting her from himself, because he knows what he's capable of when he's angry. I've always wondered if he just saw her stubbornness and decided on the spot "better do this now than be sorry later."

Alina bites the Darkling? ahahahaha very amusing! would love to see that! but then, actually I think that Alina is crazy too. The way she kept hiding the Darkling's visits in s&s... I mean that time they're on a mission to kill him and survive his any possible raid. But if the Darkling has been visiting them like that, I know he also notices Alina's situation everytime he visits her, so it should be dangerous for Alina's team, right? but she doesn't really concern about this. Then, also the factshe keeps having feeling for him even until now in R&R.... truly an apt pupil, huh?

Well, I think after he captured Alina and Mal the first time. That scene to me pretty much plays out like the jealous lover. He calls her to his tent and insists that they have a discussion as if she owed him an explanation for running away with Mal. Remember that thing he does, when he kisses her and grabs her face and makes her tell him how much she loves Mal? And then she wasn't planning on kissing him back but her "treacherous heart" made her? (I mean, she could have explained it in a number of ways, but it was her heart... so, you know, that's as much as you're going to get from Alina in terms of feels.) That is my favorite scene from S&B. It even has Ivan smirking as he takes her to the tent, as in "Oh you're in for it." And she goes in and the Darkling has been drinking. And it sort of plays out like a soap opera, but to me that's the exact moment in the book when he realized, unfortunately for him, it wasn't only lust. I think the fact that he had been drinking was quite telling. He struck me as someone who would avoid drinking very much, so that his guard would not be compromised. Then you have Alina entering the tent, and he can't even look at her, too busy staring into the flames after hours of no doubt, endless brooding. :P (Ivan..I miss the idiot.) "Remember that thing he does, when he kisses her and grabs her face and makes her tell him how much she loves Mal?" Oh yeah. Then I think Alina explains his expression turned into longing. (I don't know if he longed for her to think that way about him or what.) “Why come to me now?” he asked. “Has it taken you this long to recover from our skirmish?” He almost says this like he expected her sooner. Like he expected her to come (despite you know, trying to kill him). I don't even know with these two. They both seem to hate how much they care for the other. Alina might still be in denial about it, but the Darkling is not hiding it as well anymore. Agreed. At that point in the book he's very proper, calmed and collected. In that scene, he totally loses his cool and I love it. I also love the fact that Alina gets angry at him and wants to actually hit him to the point Ivan has to physically remove her from the tent. I mean, and that was when she "feared" him. That scene is just perfect for me.

The Darkling better get his shit together, lol. He's a hot mess I swear. Maybe Alina's plan will backfire though, like the Darkling's did. She'll try to play him but her feelings for him (which she denies) will resurface. They both really need to just acknowledge it. It's still there, despite everything they've done to each other.

She's obviously trying to get under his skin, but what will happen if he kisses her? Maybe part of her expects him to close himself off again. What if he doesn't and kisses her? (Hopefully they'll rip each other's clothes off and stop with this nonsense. lol) She thinks he's been toying with her from the start. But I don't think he did it as strongly as she's doing now. I think there's a difference in the party scene and this one. At the party, Alina was flustered, but it was passion and the heat of the moment. This is different because it's not the Darkling all hot and bothered. He's not on the verge of ripping clothes off despite my wishes, lmao. It's him giving in, conceding. Closing his eyes against her hand..that's a vulnerable move. You know what I mean though? I'd love it if they kissed and both let their guard down and allowed their connection to do its thing, just to see where it takes them. I bet both would see they don't have to be enemies, even if they don't end up together. The relationship between these two are definitely unique with the whole "I hate you but I love you","I'm afraid of you but I miss you so bad", and "stay away from me but I go mad if I don't see you" things, hahaha this could turn to hillarious situation if the certain side isn't the brooding but intimidating type. “I had a taste for you, once.” His head snapped up. He hadn’t expected that. Do you guys think he was so surprised because he didn't expect her to say something so bold, or because he might think the same thing she does about him: that she was playing with his emotions and the feelings were not real? : I think hé was surprised she admitted she had feelings for him maybe because no one except her never had true feelings for him, maybe no one never has loved him before. God thats sad I need a hug I think he can't believe she's being so bold and even more, he incredibly surprised she would feel anything for him. Ok, so I agree with you guys, the nickname is only going to happen in the bedroom, where we will never hear it. I can't even imagine the context for that conversation either. So I'm not even sure she'll repeat it. Or will she? (She will repeat it as they are in the middle of sexy times.) Well, you know, they should both try love for a change. See if it's better than what they've tried so far, namely finding creative ways to kill one another. (Although, yes, it's been mostly Alina in that department.) I'm just so nervous about his name. I hope I don't hate it, haha. I'm SO used to just calling him Darkling or the Darkling. But yes, I feel like I will need Alina to say it several times. Loudly. ;) when I told my friend about this sexy speculation, she misunderstood it by saying "45 days locked together? okay..." hahaha then I was like "oohh it could've been better, thou".. in that case, not only peace they managed to create but also an heir to Ravka lolol and when do you think she can call his name several times loudly? ;p Not when Meida..WHERE. Personally, I'm holding out for in the war room on the table of maps. Just knock them off. Or don't. (Okay I saw that in a Darklina fanart so I can't take the credit.) lol I can't even imagine what power their child will have... if they seriously consider to producer an heir well they can make out anywhere they like, WinterRose. But yeah I think on the table of maps would just add the irony, considering that Alina once formulated and discussed some strategies there to fight the Darkling hehe Oh wow, I never even considered but they both like maps. So that would be kind of rogh-mantic, right? XD But you know what? It has to be the bedroom. That bedroom of his with the dark atmosphere, the beautiful carved bed in which they have both slept but separately, the starry ceiling... I bet my life they would both forget their own names, in that bedroom. Which brings us to.... Where does Alina "visit" him in the excerpt?? Is he in the "Big Palace"? How sad is that? How wrong is that??? I mean, I wonder if she could choose were to visit her in S&S. She needs to visit him at the Little Palace. In his chambers and then we would come full circle!! (Even though I'm sure they'll be on their best behavior.) But still!

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