#End of Ze World ... Probably For Real This Time

[doomedcousins]

intrigued by smallpaw. indulge me if you will: how did smallpaw get isekaied (evil version) into roblox? was she originally an "npc" of the game, a warrior cat, a normal cat, or a human being before becoming smallpaw? whats it like in the game for zir- does it just feel like another world (like real life) which happens to be a video game or is it inextricably a video game ze has to fit uncomfortably into, one that has no room for a being that can think or act like it? can she server hop since its roblox or is she just confined to one specific server, with players rotating in and out? are there actually any other roblox users acting as zir clanmates, or are they all "npcs"? if its the former, has it ever tried fucking with them before? does she have access to the roblox ui? does it even know its in roblox specifically? what would ze think of a roblox exploiter coming into the server and fucking things up? can it do any fucked up shit by actually being in the game or does it just act/have the abilities of a normal roblox user? what would happen to her if the roblox servers went down? has it ever experienced seeing/falling off the edge of the map before and what did it think of it?

sorry. idk if you've thought this far ahead since you only posted about zir uh (checks date) 6 hours before. i jiust really really like story concepts like this. yay yippeeeeee.

WONDERFUL QUESTIONS IM ALWAYS HAPPY TO INDULGE IN A SMALLPAW LORE DUMP

im intentionally keeping the "before" of smallpaw vague, but it was a person before being trapped in the game. im not exactly sure How it got there though. Something happened to it though, thats for sure

the world smallpaw finds itself in is something that feels more like a reality with some video game components to it. she is able to see some aspects of the ui like names, bios, and chat messages. nobody else is able to see these.

smallpaw has no control over things like server hopping necessarily, because the way she functions is not like that of the player, its more like shes a warrior cat and everyone else is also a warrior cat to her, though she can definitely connect the dots that other people might, probably, not actually be real people but really just be controlled by players.

adding onto this, zir existence is sort of something i built entirely around the concept of roleplaying. every single roleplay i do as zir is one individual life that ze lives, up until ze dies, which ends up being how ze effectively server hops (though not really because ze doesn't have any control over death), waking up in another clan in another server.

smallpaw becomes increasingly more aware of her situation as time goes on, and the more aware she is, the more she starts to fear, and the more she lives again and again and again and again, the more she starts to get desperate for something else to happen. she'd probably be entertained by an exploiter, if not afraid of the capabilities.

i dont think smallpaw even has the capabilities of an average roblox user, but rather the capabilities of a Character in the game. nothing else. this is all she has.

I think if servers went down, it'd be like she would sort of. black out for a while. it'd be like a long rest until she wakes back up again to do this one more time.

i don't think she's experienced falling off the map but its funny to imagine her glitching the game like crazy in later lives cause she doesn't care anymore about acting like a warrior cat for the 100th time in a row

many good questions ^_^ thank you for sending me this i am so thrilled to talk about my girl. and i have thought about her a lot she's been plaguing me for weeks. and before that she used to plague me like 2 years ago when she was a different character entirely

[corvuscorona]

SHADOW MONSTER - an Astos playlist

...for when you need to spend about an hour rotating that guy in your mind at top speed, or at least a little faster than chillout speed.

(YouTube playlist here) • (tracklist etc. below the cut)

Needed a playlist I could Think About Astos To while doing chores or whatever & it turned out I had the ammunition I needed to be kinda picky, so I'm sharing it here with all my comrades-in-Astos-scholarship, too! You know, in case you also need some music to Think About Astos To. Which seems possible-to-likely, I think.

I have only included tracks that are reasonably well balanced for Normal Listening (just please forgive me for the PS2 synth horns in "finish the promise" if you can find it in your heart). Also, if you use the YT playlist, Man Human is shorter than it should be, so listen to it twice if you want.

ACT I: IMPETUS

Creep City • Jake Shears I said I'd hang on for the ride / now I'm hanging on for dear life / …is that a real knife? バケモノ信者 (Bakemono Shinja / Monster Believer) • MAIKI-P 人の顔した　バケモノさ / 気づけば僕も　バケモノさ • hito no kao shita bakemono sa / kizukeba boku mo bakemono sa it's a monster with a human face / and now that I think about it, I'm a monster, too 心臓 (Shinzō / Heart[1]) • TOOBOE 蘇ってしまうよ　貴方の為なら幾らでも / 間違いも愛せるよ　馬鹿なもんでさ / 生き返ってしまうよ　貴方がくれた命だから • yomigaette shimau yo anata no tame nara ikura demo / machigai mo aiseru yo baka na monde sa / ikikaette shimau yo anata ga kureta inochidakara for you, I'd revive again and again / loving even the mistakes, fool that I am / I'll come back to life because it's the life you gave me

ACT II: THE PROCESS

Bleed it Out • Linkin Park half the words don't mean a thing / and I know that I won't be satisfied Man Human • Denki Groove for Devilman Crybaby Just One Yesterday • Fall Out Boy I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way / still, I'd trade all my tomorrows…

ACT III: MADNESS

Décolleté • Kenshi Yonezu 兎角疲れました / 数えるから直ぐに消えて • tokaku tsukaremashita / kazoeru kara sugu ni kiete at any rate, I'm exhausted / I'll count, so hurry up and disappear [2] うみなおし (Uminaoshi / Rebirth[3]) • Maretu 君は何も悪くないぜ / (多分) • kimi wa nani mo warukunai ze / (tabun) you've done nothing wrong / (probably) 空想メソロギヰ (Kuusou Mesorogiwi / Fantastical Mesology) • Yousei Teikoku for Future Diary (See [4] below.)

ACT IV: FOR WHAT

A Good Song Never Dies • Saint Motel it just reminds you of where you were / the first time it made you cry / the first time you felt alive… SHADOW MONSTER • Toki Asako 探しものは踊らなきゃ見つからない • sagashimono wa odoranakya mitsukaranai if we don't dance, we won't find what we're looking for.

ACT V: RESOLVE

JUMPER • CAPSULE anger stress and secrets they won't break you wake up put aside you(')r(e) feeling nothing freely speed up landing stepping jumping jump Leave The Light On • Overcoats what if I don't make it home / you're not there, and the light's not on

ACT VI: THE END

still feel. • half•alive when it's hopeless, I start to notice / that I still feel alive finish the promise • MOTOO FUJIWARA for Tales of the Abyss White Light • Superfly for Tales of Zestiria 正解なんてない 間違いなんてない / 塗り替えてゆけ 在るべき世界へ • seikai nante nai machigai nante nai / nurikaete yuke arubeki sekai e there's no such thing as right; there's no such thing as wrong / remake this world into what it should have been

( NOTES )

[1] - Specifically the anatomical term. Metaphorical uses of this word do seem to be a thing, but skew more towards meaning something like "courage" (think "guts" or "spine") as opposed to 心 (kokoro) on its own, which is used for something more like "essence", "spirit", "soul". Incidentally, I highly… HIGHLY recommend watching the MV for this one (Check the YT link before the readmore)! [2] - Eternal plug for vgperson, who has been my source for Kenshi Yonezu lyrics since something like 2010, and is the backbone of society. Check out the full translation there (ctrl+F the title!) to get a feel for this song's whole... vibe (which I'd describe as a very specific flavor of "fuck. god damn it. whatever; leave me alone," which of course is why it's here). [3] - There's a footnote on the Vocaloid Lyrics Wiki page for this song that conveys something interesting about the title; it says: "'Uminaoshi' isn’t a word that’s typically used to mean 'rebirth'; rather, it is a compound made up of a word meaning 'to give birth' and a word that carries the sense of doing something over to fix mistakes, because you messed it up the last time," which is fun, I think. [4] - This song's lyrics are poetic in a way that makes them difficult to interpret as-written, let alone translate in a way that makes literally any sense at all. The official MV does have English subtitles that are NOT auto-translated, though. Those are the most coherent piece of information I can give you (check the YT link before the readmore!) re: why the Future Diary OP is even in this playlist, except for this statement: it's about breaking free of a time loop that's being treated like a game in some way by The Entity In Charge Of It. (And also, it sounds like... you know, like the way that it sounds.)

[starmeadowsystem]

Like my drawings? GET ONE HERE

Hi, we're the Starmeadow System! We're an autistic transfem system who kinda just exists and also draws things sometimes.

About us (individually)

Stella (she/they/kit): Kittygirl host. Shows up the most often. Loud and outspoken about a lot of things. Makes up the most things and kisses the most girls. Wants to do more things for her headmates.

Apple (she/her): The red panda gremlin who manages to be a bigger lesbian than Stella (when adjusting for the resource gap). She also has a sister in our partner system.

Pizza (they/them): Fictive from Chicory: A Colorful Tale. They are very silly and cute. Very pettable as well.

Cupcake (she/her): Really cute dog. Also one of Stella's several exes.

Ezekiel (he/they/ze): Green bird who lurks and says "computer" sometimes. Has the voice of a 90s text to speech program.

Volo (he/him): Fictive from Pokemon Legends: Arceus. Memelord who announces his presence with his theme. Approves his source's Near MB post we think.

Artemis (she/her): Fictive from Deltafauna, a series we tried to develop once. Acts and speaks in a very deadpan fashion.

Crystal (she/ice): Pretty glaceon with a southern accent. One of Stella's kids somehow.

Amethyst (she/her): Fictive from Steven Universe. Lurks. Says things sometimes.

Technoblade (he/him): A mix between his "real life" and "dream SMP (my behated)" self. Also kind of a memelord. Claims to get along with Volo well.

Rich (he/him): Factive of a guy we worked for once until we got laid off. Hasn't shown up in a while. Don't know what he was about tbh.

Nomi (she/her): Fictive from Dogs in Space. Just as chaotic as her source, and is also probably very very gay. Pettable.

V1 (he/him): Fictive from Ultrakill. Very violent. Claims he's a gopro. Even more enthusiastic about killing transphobes and cops than most of the system.

Sox (he/him): Fictive from Lightyear. Acts as a therapist who remains unaffiliated with the psychiactric system. Very pettable.

Doris (she/her): System member who briefly showed up based on the person-sized dinosuar plushie we have. Kissable.

Bluey (she/they): Fictive from Bluey. Small, adorable dog child. I (stella) would kill for her. And do the dishes for her too.

Rocket Raccoon (he/him): Fictive from Guardians of the Galaxy. I'm a little gremlin who likes shooting shit. Hope you understand.

Fandoms

Listed in alphabetical order. Non-exhaustive.

Animal Crossing

Beastieball

Bluey

Breaking Bad

Bug Fables: The Everlasting Sapling

Celeste

Chicory: A Colorful Tale

Deltarune

Dogworld (2021)

Grapple Dog

Hollow Knight

The Hunger Games

Kirby

The Legend of Zelda

Pix and Bit

Pokemon

Preeny Has To Repeat 6th Grade

Rain World

Sonic the Hedgehog

Super Cat Tales

Super Mario Bros.

Squid Game

If you notice there's a pattern: yes, we're furry gamers lmao especially Stella

Shit we do

We post things, reblog furry women and Very Fun Political Things Going On, and sometimes maybe work on some projects.

Stella's the main person who manages things about "Pure of Heart" characters on tumblr, and posts about it when she feels like it. She has also made a 100(DEC36)-point moral scale for evaluating fictional characters. Discussion around this is encouraged.

Independently of that, kit's also planning Souls of the Broken Warrens, an adult interactive comment-driven dark fantasy quest about genocide, cute rabbits, and love and companionship in the darkest of times.

Pix and Bit Save the Galaxy is a fanfic I sometimes write for on AO3. It's about a couple trans lesbians fighting one of their dads and his army for the fate of the Galaxy. You know, normal shenanigans n shit.

These plans are about as liquid and malleable as life itself, of course, so uh. Yeah.

Cool people you should also follow

@rougewitchfox - Very very pretty and cute and kissable. Minors aren't allowed on her account. She's also agreed to proofread for Souls of the Broken Warrens so that Stella doesn't accidentally end up harming marginalized people, given the sensitive nature of the game's subject matter.

@autisticsupervillain - cool guy who happens to often talk about Magnificent Bastards, Complete Monsters, and pitting fictional characters in fights to the death and seeing who wins with better logic than Death Battle. We consider him a good friend of ours.

@imsobadatnicknames2 - Interesting fella who runs Brave Little Mouse, a cyoa with Mausritter rules. Has a Ko-Fi. I cant buy him one rn though :(

Anyway that's it we think, have fun dealing with us lol

[cantalooprat]

Criminal Psychology

What I Liked

the romance is soo sweet, xing conglian and lin chen really suit each other. i love that lin chen realized his feelings first (because of course the psychologist would) and just showed his love for xing conglian in his own quiet, understated way. their romance is one where it's like of course lin chen would fall for xing conglian---he's handsome, striking, gentle, steadfast, brave, just; basically, full of good qualities. they unreservedly trust each other and work so incredibly well with each other. i love how they're both carefully tiptoeing around each other at first, hiding their pasts despite currently being partners but also trusting in each other's character from what they see of each other. the way they're both so overly considerate of each other and how lin chen says they should both be more willful. theirs is exactly the type of romance i crave to read when i seek unlimited flows. ngl crime-solving is lowkey the closest thing to uf dynamics, each case is the equivalent of each uf stage, the leads are fighting against an unreasonable world and need to trust each other, they fall in love amidst a time of hardship where it's even hard to trust one's comrades because there might be a mole. i love that sort of dynamic.

the translator said that huang ze should've been lin chen's ex but i feel it makes more sense that huang ze's feelings are one-sided. huang ze just doesn't seem like lin chen's type lmao clearly lin chen likes a handsome man with prominent mixed-race features and deep forest green eyes and also an inner beauty he only discovers later

that said huang ze kind of gives off mdzs jiang cheng vibes if jiang cheng was a 2nd ml (?). the way they get shafted in the end... the way the author did them dirty... lowkey huang ze annoys me at some parts but i also just feel he's quite pitiful. comparing him to jiang cheng is a compliment, bc jiang cheng is my fav in mdzs. i really came out of mdzs as a jiang cheng apologist

huang weiwei's death and the way she never said a word to lin chen because her final words would become a curse to him is very jjk. i know it's not a concept made in jjk but it reminded me of jjk

i like that su fengzi bothers lin chen a lot, it's not everyday that the mc has someone who's actively a thorn in his side (affectionate)

comrade wang chao is cute and a much-needed comic relief

plotwise, arc 4 is really really good. it's equal parts tragic but hopeful and the people involved in the case are all clear without any strange plot twists that seem contrived. as a case it's just done really well, from the misdirection of the initial victim and culprit to the truth, a long-standing tragedy that has lasted for years, brought to an end by a silence louder than any words could be, and the poetic irony of song shengsheng's name containing "voice" and yet he couldn't speak a single word in the arc. it really is the peak of criminal psychology

i also like the theming of the names of each arc: one sand, two-way trip, three graves, four tones, five floats. really adds a nice overarching theme of sorts to the overall story

the audio drama s3 theme song is especially good

What I Disliked

arc fatigue is real lmao what do u mean the last arc is 140 ch long?? out of a 300 chapter book?? even when it's technically split between lin chen's misadventures in the rainforest and the bioweapon terrorist part, it's still super long

apparently the five arcs were written as standalone short stories so that's why they're rather disjointed and tbh it shows. like it's almost always a given that in these crime-solving stories, the arcs are like separate cases that actually link back to one big case (probably sth big and unsolved from a long time back) and said big unsolved case has something to do with either of the leads (prob the shou, bc these crime danmei also tend to have ready-to-die-for-my-mission shou who are haunted by their past). and here it's also the same way except they just feel so... disjointed. they're foreshadowed somewhat but the link doesn't seem quite there.

also as a crime-solving story, having the final villain be this unknown entity and focusing on the outcome of the case being a moral dilemma that results in "humanity's victory" is just unsatisfying as a reader lol in general i feel like this book tried too hard to do various things but fell a little short in the end. like the four big families just ended up being somewhat irrelevant background setting, wang chao mentioned another hacker named blackjack but that hacker was mentioned like twice and has no actual story relevance, and i think they mentioned a mole at some point? but the mole also just became irrelevant? and even the cleanup at the end of the final arc was just really glossed over. like they rly didn't elaborate on lin chen's treatment and like what happened to professor su? they didn't say he died so he must be alive but really, no mention of him at all? i thought lin chen was going to take xing conglian for dinner with prof su... isn't he lin chen's precious teacher... and then the extra chs are all lighthearted slice of life segments that don't even mention anything about the cases like the tonal whiplash is crazy and i just end up having mixed feelings in the end, which is a pity bc the majority of the story is actually really good, esp arc 4

Notes

i think lin chen really needs therapy

[radwolf76]

FLASHBack: Week 106 - Ze End of Ze World

It's time. We've reached 31 December 2020, the final day for Adobe's support of Flash Player. This closing of an era was the inspiration behind the FLASHBack project in the first place. For those who have been there since the beginning, who enjoyed countless fun animations over the decade and watched several animators' careers get their start, this may seem like the end of the world, but it's not. Adobe Animate will continue to be supported, and will still be able to export animations in several modern file formats that are sharable on the web. Other tools such as Toon Boom are also available, meaning that up-and-coming animators Will still have a variety of tools available to learn the craft. Much of the old content is going to be available as well: Newgrounds has released its own Flash Player plugin, BlueMaxima's FlashPoint is a standalone player with a massive library of both classic Flash games and Animations, and The Internet Archive has developed a Flash emulator as well. And as we've seen over the past two years, many classic Flash Animations have already been converted to video.   So while it may feel like the end of the world, it's not. Still, there was only one choice of classic Flash Animations to cover in this last week of FLASHBack: Ze End of Ze World. Made in 2003 by Jason Windsor, the Flash was originally shared among his circle of friends, one of whom shared it with some online music piracy contacts of theirs, and then on 30 October 2003, someone who had the file uploaded it to Albino Blacksheep under the username of Fluid.   The dark subject matter of the animation is made hilarious by the funny voice that Windsor narrated it with, a nasally tone inspired by John Malkovich in the movie Rounders, that easily slips into the various stereotypical national accents of the characters depicted throughout. He starts off with a list of natural and or ecological disasters that could befall the planet before devoting the bulk of the animation depicting an exchange of nuclear weapons. He leans heavily into stock stereotypes for the various countries in the nuclear weapons club, milking comedy from them despite their long history of overuse, by pushing them to the point of absurdity. Several of the Animation's lines, such as the hairy-armpitted French woman's protest of "But I am le tired" became memetic catchphrases in their own right. After describing nuclear armageddon, Jason then ends the video with a simplified account of the mega-earthquake that could befall California.   A decade and a half later on 20 January 2018, Windsor would release a sequel, End of Ze World ... Probably For Real This Time. This time around it was inspired by the U.S. political situation in 2016-2017. Jason did a video interview with VICE about the sequel (and the original as well), so I'll defer to his words on the subject.   And with Ze End of Ze World, we now come to Ze End of Ze FLASHBack. It's been a fun two years of me infodumping these Flash Animation classics for you, and I would like to thank everyone for the support and feedback you've given me along the way.

[zwei-the-penguin-with-a-pen]

Team RWBY and company: But I am le tired...

Us: THERE'S NO TIME FOR A FUCKING NAP!!!

(I can't believe I missed this opportunity last week...)

[blorb-el]

STAS episode recommendations! for people who do not want to watch the whole thing but want to enjoy the JL/JLU arcs with full context.

there’s 4 main arcs set up in STAS that are relevant for the rest of the DCAU: Brainiac and Lex, Apokolips, Cadmus, and the World’s Finest coming together. Here are the twelve episodes relevant to those plot threads.

1. last son of krypton (3 parts): technically skippable, mostly your standard superman origin story but pretty well done, with some genuinely excellent details; part 1 is most relevant, establishing Brainiac as a Kryptonian AI, which was original to this series, and its hatred towards Jor-El and the House of El.

2. stolen memories: Brainiac returns, beginning its long interaction/rivalry with Lex Luthor, and an important emotional moment for Clark as he learns for the first time real information about Krypton beyond the short recording his parents left for him.

3. tools of the trade: Introduces Dan Turpin, the Jack Kirby tribute detective, and his crusade against Intergang and its Apokoliptic weaponry.

4. brave new metropolis: Lois enters an alternate universe where fascist Superman and Luthor have joined forces to rule Metropolis. Not directly connected to the aforementioned arcs, but this theme will obviously return in JL/JLU.

5. ghost in the machine: Brainiac has trapped Lex in his basement and forces him to build it a new body. Sets the tone for their relationship going forward, which comes to a head in JLU.

6. world’s finest (3 parts): you know it. batman and superman team up because the joker is hired by lex luthor to kill superman. it slaps. end of story.

7. apokolips...now! (2 parts): possibly the best episode of the series, the Apokolips arc comes to a head as Darkseid invades Earth and Clark loses in more ways than one.

8. little girl lost (2 parts): Clark finds the last survivor of Argo, another planet in Rao’s orbit. Kara In-Ze, the DCAU Supergirl, is eager to join the neverending battle, but her very first outing brings her face to face with Darkseid as Clark is captured by the Furies.

9. where there’s smoke: the first hints of the Cadmus arc. Clark investigates a shadowy organization that may be trying to create or control metahumans. technically skippable, but Clark rules in this episode.

10. knight time: when Bruce Wayne mysteriously disappears, Clark teams up with Robin to impersonate Batman and find him.

11. the demon reborn: Ra’s al Ghul and Talia capture Superman in order to carry out a dangerous plan. Batman to the rescue.

12. legacy (2 parts): the finale of STAS, the climax of the Apokolips arc, and a critical inciting incident for the Cadmus arc. Darkseid captures Clark before the story begins and brainwashes him into attacking the Earth.

Episodes that have little to no bearing on the above-mentioned arcs, but which nevertheless slap and you should consider watching anyway under the cut:

- the late mr. kent: probably the best standalone episode. when Clark tries to prove a death row inmate’s innocence, he’s targeted for assassination, and has to figure out how to clear the inmate’s name without revealing how he survived a car-bombing.

- mxyzpixilated: the imp from the fifth dimension comes to torment Clark, who gets to show off his quick wit. Along with the late mr. kent, some of the best characterization.

- speed demons: A charity race between Superman and the Flash (Wally West), who do NOT get along at first, is interrupted by the Weather Wizard. The best superhero team up in the series with someone not named Batman. other teamups include in brightest day with Kyle Rayner Green Lantern, the hand of fate with Dr. Fate, and a fish story with an Aquaman who is not quite JL Aquaman but close. but those are all worse than speed demons. watch that instead.

- the main man (2 parts): Lobo, who is a riot, is hired by The Preserver, an organism who wants to preserve the last specimens of their kinds, to capture Clark for its zoo.

- the way of all flesh: Metallo’s introduction, an excellent standalone story that shows off Lex’s manipulative abilities while also featuring some genuinely pathos-filled dialogue as Metallo loses his senses.

- identity crisis: a tour de force for Tim Daly as he voices Clark and the flawed, Frankensteinian, sympathetic clone Bizarro.

Episodes which cannot in good conscience be grouped in with the above on account of they are not actually good, but which are kind of fun regardless:

- warrior queen: maxima, a forward, brash dictator, decides to kidnap Superman, whom she deems the only man in the universe powerful enough to be her husband. it’s just pretty brainless fun tbh

- father’s day: Kalibak plots to take down Superman to earn his father Darkseid’s regard, while Jonathan and Martha visit Metropolis; Darkseid and Clark come face to face for the very first time. Technically relevant to the Apokolips arc but skippable, mostly on here because it has delightful boomer Kents and sets up the Kalibak/Orion/Clark parallels. It’s also very transparently how Clark works in the DCAU, in that he is so incredibly bad at fighting until something reminds him he’s Superman instead of a pea brain dummy and then he wins the fight in 30 seconds.

- unity: Kara and Clark have to fight a classic small-town horror alien invasion set in Smallville, which has targeted among others the Kents. my thesis is if you’re going to have the Kents alive in your setting you better DO something with them, and while this is...an...odd thing to do with them it’s for sure better than having them sit around and dispense apple pie wisdom and nothing else the entire series. also i like alien invasion horror.

@allgremlinart here u go sorry it’s so long lmao

[bardicbird]

original bad kids gender hcs

- kristin: i think sometime along the line of high school she gets into the part of lesbianism where oftentimes you really feel this Disconnect from femininity. and this makes her a little confused. but she loves doing research on queer labels and such so i think she eventually settles on nonbinary or maybe demigirl ! i think once she had figured that out she’d use she/they pronouns :]

- adaine: idk i think adaine is definitely queer but she comes off as more cis to me. she likes learning about that stuff tho so she can be a better ally to her friends :] i think maybe at some point in her life she might experiment a little with gender expression. get some botched femininity going. idk. 

- gorgug: i think gorgug is simply existing. i don’t think he’s ever given any deep thought into gender and is just kind of like :] yeah whatever works sure. his parents probably taught him about some of that stuff bc they seem like the types to do that . i think gorgug just went oh thats nice okay and kept going. i think he primarily uses he/him bc it’s what he’s most used to but also i think he’d be cool with any pronouns !

- fabian: look. i don’t have much reasoning for this one. i really want to say he’s cis bc that makes the most sense story wise but also this boy just SCREAMS trans for some reason???? so yeah. he’s trans. its why he kind of cared so much about seeming impressive and masculine, and a small part of why he tries to follow in his dads footsteps as much as he can. i think his dad was very supportive in a really weird way where he was like “AYE I KNEW A BABY WITH GRIP THAT STRONG HAD TO BE A STRAPPING LITTLE LAD. AW YER TAKIN AFTER YER OLD DAD ARENT YA IM SO PROUD OF YOU” or something akin to that. i think he has also probably already had top surgery which. would be VERY young in our world but i dont think bill gives a shit and could totally pay someone enough to do that. also surgery is probably safer and maybe even reversible in their magic world so ! 

- riz: honestly i think he’s pretty similar to gorgug except the first time he actually tried to think about it he got super worked up over it and ended up making a whole board trying to connect things together to make sense of his own identity and then after like. hours of hyperfixating on it he was just like “im so tired. i need to not do this anymore.” and went to sleep and never tried touching the subject again. pronoun wise i think he’d be cool with primarily he prounouns but also like? a they every once and a while to spice things up. maybe some neopronouns that just sound nice to him? (i can’t think of any specifically rn if anyone else has opinions on this i’d love to hear your thoughts :])

- fig: she doesnt give a fuck babeyyy. one of those “genders not real so i get to do whatever the fuck i want with it” people. i think that comes out a lot mostly via gender expression more than actual labels? fig is just vibing. i think pronouns would probably be something along the lines of she/he/hy/ze. maybe sometimes fig just wants to go by no pronouns and just goes by her name. it depends !

[ct-multifandom]

AINI predictions except they’re varying levels of straightforward to crack

Binato being “removed from this reality” means that he was killed, but his consciousness SHIFTed

The writers are very insistent on their wording here. Lumina is freaked out by bloodstains in her room, and she’s the only one who mentions something like that. I think Binato was in that room before, and he was physically killed when he lost the vote, but his consciousness moved to a different reality when that happened. He and Aine tweeted about things that sound like SHIFTing in response to a deadly situation, vague memories of getting hit by a truck or stabbed. I think he swapped places with himself from a timeline where the vote tied or he won.

Shoma is autistic

They’re definitely going for some form of a gifted kid stereotype with him, but from what we’ve seen of him, he is interested in those robot figurines, maybe special interest?, he wears (noise cancelling?) headphones all the time, keeps to himself, and he’s good at cracking codes. Ik some nd people complain about the lack of positive representation in Uchikoshi games as a lot of his nd or mentally ill characters are, like, homicidal and/or super stereotyped, so if I’m right I hope he will be much better.

Mayumi dies

*screams and cries* She had dementia already, and even if she is still there in the “six years ago” time, will she make it to six years later? We haven’t seen her in any promotional content so far unlike most of the characters from the last game.

Iris dies

If this is a different timeline, will the Sagans manage to scrape together enough money on their own to get her tumor removed? I predict that she won’t make it past the time skip (if there’s evidence otherwise please correct me)

Iris being in the Hidden Bats experiment wasn’t the original plan, either in-universe or in real life

Her portrait is in a completely different style and rendering medium than the rest, and her age messes up a pattern of each victim being one year older than the last. Additionally, [see below the cut*]

Rohan is still in prison in Yagyuu’s body

AINI is supposed to be “no spoilers” for AITSF, so this is a pretty easy way to get rid of the guy. We haven’t seen Yagyuu’s body yet since Date is still in Saito.

Saito… uh. Good question. Died in someone else’s body such as So or Renju?

Maybe the New Cyclops Killings didn’t even happen in this timeline? But we haven’t seen Shoko or Ren, so they are probably dead like in the true ending, but Pewter’s not in prison and Date didn’t body swap back to Yagyuu, so it’s not that timeline. Still, they can’t directly reference the twist of the last game, can they? So they must’ve gotten rid of him somehow.

The title of the game references Naixatloz’s plan

In the trailer, Tokiko calls Naix a perfectly legitimate religious organization. It’s interesting that they identify its agenda as religious, not scientific or anything. I think the Nirvana Initiative refers to their goal which results in a perfect world or something. Maybe they want to accomplish this by SHIFTing until they reach a timeline where nothing bad has ever happened, and the Hidden Bats experiments are supposed to help with that like how the ambidex game was constructed to stimulate SHIFTing.

Gen is Seven from 999

Okay this one is super silly, but,,, why have AINI and HB been referencing zero escape so much more than the last game? From “made by Team Zero Escape” to the more clear mentions of SHIFTing to the cameos? I think they might make a tie-in. Maybe nothing that’d spoil ZE, but a cameo more explicit than “lol real ZE fans will get this joke”. Seven is the only character in the whole trilogy whose real name we still don’t know, and he has the right physique to be Gen. Maybe he wears the mask and fronts as a cook for an investigation, such as investigating Naix, or maybe he quit his detective job and is in hiding with a new life. 999 is a video game in-universe, though, as Mizuki is seen playing it in the announcement trailer.

⚠️ Under the cut is something we most likely aren’t supposed to have seen right now. Only look at it if SPOILERS completely don’t bother you. If anyone reblogs this, please keep the cut.

*additionally, the portrait and name for the character between Lumina and Kairo is in the Hidden Bats code. Faya Hanadate is in the same art style, and she looks like she could be 22, following the age pattern unlike Iris. Could the ages be a deliberate clue for us? Was her character scrapped or will she still play into something?

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (March 1/2021) - Breaking Point

Sam has been unable to find a cause for the security breach, leaving Tommy trapped. A heated argument in the cell escalates to a horrifying end.

As the rest of server mourns, the Eggpire celebrates. With their biggest obstacle in the way of their objective gone, it’s time for the next step.

It’s the start of the Final Stage.

---

VOD LINKS:

HBomb94

Ponk

Tommy

Tubbo

Ranboo

Jack Manifold

Connor

Badboyhalo

Captain Puffy

---

- HBomb hosts Foolish and Jack Manifold’s episode of L’Cast!

---

The Prison Stream

(This portion of the recap will be more detailed than normal since it’s one long conversation and there are many important lines here, including a couple that were hard to hear during the stream)

---

- Tommy’s stream starts with him making sounds and singing “Roadtrip.” Dream tells him to stop, he’s trying to write a book.

Tommy: “What are you writing, Dream? What are you writing?”

Dream: “None of your business.”

- There’s a little gray and white cat sat on the chest. Tommy says it’s annoying.

Dream: “No he’s not...he’s actually the best thing that’s happened to us.”

Tommy: (Trying to lead the cat away) “Come with me, come with me...you know what I named him, don’t you? Pussboy, Pussboy!”

- The cat returns to its spot on the chest

Tommy: “Oh, Pussboy, you are so ugly.”

Dream: “C’mon, you’re being mean!”

(Tommy punches the cat)

Dream: “Tommy! Stop!”

- Tommy starts singing “Roadtrip” in autotune. Dream tells Tommy that if he can be quiet, he’ll give Tommy more potatoes.

Dream: “I think that...the cat is the best thing that’s happened to us.”

- Sam joins the call to say hello and ask how it’s been going. He’s come to drop more food into the cell. Tommy also picks up a new clock.

- Tommy asks to be let out, but Sam says he still hasn’t found out what the security issue is. Dream asks how long Tommy will be in here for. Potentially for a while, but not forever.

- Tommy protests about how bad the prison has been. He threatens to get lawyers on Sam, he knows Big Law.

Tommy: "Sam...you know I don’t deal very well in...close quarters situations for a long time, Sam. Sam, you remember when you visited me in exile, Sam? Alright, this is worse than that, Sam...let me out. I don’t like this. Let. Me. Out. Sam.”

- Sam insists he’s doing the best he can and leaves.

- Dream tries to say that it’s not that bad. He’s been in there for a long time, but now it’s better! Tommy writes a book to Dream, signs it and throws it to him.

Dream: “I have company. I have a cat -- I mean, technically it’s not my cat, technically it’s your cat, but still! It’s just as good, keeps me company when I write and everything, we talk sometimes -- ‘cause you’re annoying a lot of the time--”

- Dream throws away the clock in the lava, saying they don’t need it. Tommy punches the cat again.

Dream: “Tommy, hear me out, hear me out...what if...we get out together, okay?”

- Tommy is not a fan of the idea, Dream shouldn’t be let out too. He goes over to the cat and shouts at it for being in his spot. He punches Pussboy twice.

Dream: “Tommy...TOMMY, STOP!”

Tommy: “Excuse me! Come this way, come this way, excuse me Dream I’m trying to right-click Pussboy--”

(Dream moves to get in front of the cat)

Dream: “Tommy.”

Tommy: “Come here, come here! Do you like this cat, Dream?”

Dream: “Yes, I do.”

Tommy: “Why?”

Dream: “Because he -- Tommy, he keeps me company --”

(Tommy punches Pussboy again and leads him towards the lava)

Tommy: “Pussboy, this way. Pussboy, this way. Let me show you the light--”

Dream: “He’s probably low, he’s probably low!”

Tommy: “Oh what, you love him? Do you love him? Do you love him?”

Dream: “Yes, I do...Tommy, he’s made things better in here -- okay listen! When you leave, can you sit him down and leave him here?”

(Tommy goes over and punches Pussboy again. He tries to lead Pussboy away again, but when the cat doesn’t come he punches Pussboy twice more, killing him)

Tommy: “Yeah. And that’s what happens when you love something, bitch.”

...

Tommy: “See, now when I leave, when I leave, you’ll have nothing! ‘Cause you are lonely, and you’re m-m-manipulative, you’re a fuckin’ twat, and I mean that.”

Dream: “Tommy...I’m gonna get out! And you just motivated me -- you motivated me all the time, you just -- that was hope, right? The cat was hope -- the cat was hope that I could live a nice life in here--”

Tommy: “And now it’s dead, now it’s dead.”

- Dream insists that he’ll get out, and when he does, he’ll get his revenge on everyone who wronged him. Tommy asks if he’d kill Tubbo. 

- The subject goes back to Dream’s plan of escape.

Dream: “I have a plan. And the thing is, Awesamdude’s never gonna believe you that I have a plan because he thinks it’s unbreakable, unescapable--”

“I have a plan. And you know, there’s a certain someone who owes me a favor, but -- that might be a part of it, but...I do have a plan.”

- They argue about the conditions of the prison again. 

Dream: “I’ve been in here a for hundred times longer than you, and you sit there trying to tell me that it’s so horrible, that it’s so bad -- yeah, it was! But guess what, we have each other to talk to, and we had a cat until you fucking killed it!”

Tommy: “Dream...Dream, and listen to this -- fucking engrave this on you, write this into your arms, Dream...You don’t have me. You’ll never have me. We don’t have each other, alright? I am me, and you are this fuckin’ loser who goes around manipulating people, lying to get what he wants. You are a fuckin’ no one, man, alright? And when I’m going to leave here, you’re not! You might have a favor -- you think, who is it, Technoblade’s gonna be able to come in here to let you out -- Technoblade, he doesn’t like governments, but he likes self gain! You think he wants to piss off the owner of the most POWERFUL building on the entire server, just so that he can get a video that BARELY scrapes the five million view mark -- NO, Dream, alright? You’re a fuckin’ asshole, you’re deluded, you’re delusional, and I fuckin’ hate you.”

Dream: “Okay...yeah, but I have something Techno would want, so...it means knowledge, alright?”

- Dream says that even when he’s in here, he’s more powerful than Tommy outside. Tommy replies that if he wanted to, he could kill Dream right now. The only reason he doesn’t is because they need the revive book.

- Dream says that he will never use the revive book to help Tommy or his friends. Ever.

Dream: “So kill me. Go ahead, come on.”

- When if Tubbo dies, Dream says, they’ll come begging for Tubbo to be revived, and Dream will ask to be let out.

- Tommy then says that this isn’t worse than exile, because in exile, Tommy thought Dream had all the power, and Tommy knows something...he thinks the revive book isn’t real. Jschlatt was just a drunk, why would he have this book?

Dream: “Jschlatt gave me the book -- why else would I switch to Jschlatt’s side?!”

...

“I’m not lying! Jschlatt gave me a revive book after...before he died....because...he said--” (he cuts off here)

- Dream asks why he would be lying about that.

Tommy: “You’re a liar! You’re a liar, and really, through your Netherite armor and skin, I look at you and you know what I see? I see a sad little man who’s insecure about the fact that this server has gotten so far ahead of him that his only little glimpse of power in this world is gone. And I see an insecure, sad little man. So fuck off. You stupid green lad.”

Dream: “Your life...is literally in my hands. Does that piss you off? Does that make you mad? Does that make you so mad that I -- if you kill me -- I MIGHT AS WELL BE A GOD, TOMMY! YOU CAN’T KILL ME, AND I CAN KILL YOU! So what does it mean, that you can’t kill me because of the revive book -- what does that mean? If you can’t kill me, does that make me some kind of god?”

Tommy: “No Dream. I could kill you right now. If I wanted to.”

Dream: “Okay. But you won’t. But you won’t! I could kill you if I wanted to! I could kill you right now, actually.”

...

Tommy: “I don’t think this revive book is real. Schlatt? He’s fuckin’ dead. I’ve seen his grave! His grave is real, his corpse is there!”

Dream: “Okay...Why don’t you go see him then?”

Tommy: “NO -- stop it stop it stop it st--”

--- ---

CANON DEATH: TOMMY

Cause: Punched to death

--- ---

End of stream.

---

- Tubbo, Ranboo and Jack see Tommy’s death message in game chat.

- They go to the prison and Sam is there to tell them what happened. Sam couldn’t get there in time. He didn’t think Dream would actually kill him. They’re all in shock. 

- Tubbo and Ranboo think Tommy will be back. There’s no way he’s actually dead, right? 

- Jack Manifold is in celebration. He got what he wanted! He thought Dream would want Tommy alive, and killing Tommy himself would be an extra jab in the chest for Dream, but apparently not? And now he has a hotel!

- He decides to check on Tubbo and makes sure he’s okay. 

- Jack walks down to the shore and looks up at the prison, and...it hits him. He’s spent months plotting to kill Tommy. Jack realizes his victory feels hollow. Even now, Tommy and Dream have managed to take away this from him. 

- Of Ze Haus, he says that this place no longer means anything to him. He gets a flint and steel and sets it alight, watching it burn.

- He passes by Tommy’s house and finds Ranboo planting red and white flowers outside.

- Jack switches into his L’manburg uniform and walks along the Prime Path.

Jack: “I remember the day I joined the server. The day after the first war. L’manburg was still a big hole, and we built it up. And Tommy invited me to join. And I betrayed him (laughs), so really this has all come full circle.”

“Maybe I was always really just upset because I always felt like he cared more about the discs than...anyone. And I guess I just enjoyed it when we were friends...and...I’ve not really had any friends...since...then, really. Never really wanted any.”

- Jack later speaks with Foolish and tells him that Tommy’s never coming back from prison. Foolish didn’t know him too well, but he’s still a bit sad. When anyone passes, it’s sad.

- Jack heads back out into the wilderness, wandering to the beach area at the edge of the forest where Quackity had his argument with Badboyhalo a while back. There’s something just beyond the hill.

- Quackity meets him there and escorts him back home, telling him he was heading too close to something, could have gotten “a nice view of it.”

- He’s been thinking of writing up a draft of their contract. He also sees the new McPuffy’s.

- Jack tells Quackity that Tommy’s not in the prison anymore. Quackity says they need to talk to him and make sure Jack keeps his hotel. As the rain pours, Jack tells him. Tommy didn’t make it.

- Quackity and Jack have a moment in front of Tommy’s house. Though upset, Quackity says it’s time to get back to work.

Quackity: “Jack...don’t let this affect business. The train doesn’t stop.”

Jack: “No, it only goes faster.”

- Jack also speaks with Antfrost. Antfrost gives his condolences, and says he’ll put together a celebration “of life.”

Ant: “Bad and Sam will be happy...to attend, of course!”

- Afterwards, Jack heads down into Karls nightclub and ends stream there.

- Connor speaks with Sam Nook at the hotel.

- Bad meets Ant at the Holy Land. Ant asks if the church would be a good place for a celebration. Ant sits Bad down to tell him. Bad is overjoyed. 

- Bad says that now, they don’t even have to do any preparations: 

They can move into the Final Stage.

- They get milk for the cake and decide to throw the party at Tommy’s house!

- They meet with Sam at the prison entrance. He sounds dejected.

Sam: “I didn’t think Dream would ever actually...try and kill him”

Bad: (laughs) “Is this the same Dream we’re talking about? It’s Dream, Sam.”

Sam: “I mean...Dream had...I thought I had...broken the will out of him, to do something like that. But he...he did.”

- He says they need to find out what it was -- he wandered around the prison several times and couldn’t find any sign that someone had done something.

- Ant and Bad try to reassure Sam that Tommy signed the waivers, he went to see Dream, and Sam shouldn’t blame himself. Sam doesn’t see it that way.

- They say they’ll talk to Sam later and leave the prison. They see Sam Nook at the hotel. Sam is excited about the new upgrades for the hotel! Tommy will be so excited to see them!

- They return to Tommy’s house and speak with Punz as they make a party floor and sing the Crab Rave song in dudududus.

- Meanwhile, Captain Puffy is grieving, feeling like she failed Tommy. As she logs on, Bad and Ant decide that Puffy might want to join them for the party! 

- Punz meets them there, and they tell him that Tommy’s dead. Punz isn’t sure how he feels, it’s bittersweet.

- Puffy arrives and angrily tells them to leave. What’s wrong with them?!

- The Eggpire sees Sam Nook at the hotel and goes up the floors to find a place to party. Puffy comes up and tells them to find another place to party. They argue again.

- Foolish arrives to visit his room in the hotel. Puffy leaves them. They quarrel about who has the room for the night.

- Puffy mines down the Eggpire’s meeting room. She’s noticed that being a hero hasn’t worked. Sparing people, being merciful, it hasn’t worked. She might need a change of perspective. 

- The Eggpire decides to visit the Egg and break the news to it. They see the wreckage, but Puffy is in the Nether by the time they get there.

- Puffy visits Logsted.

- The Eggpire goes down to the Egg Room and finds the pathway blocked up with obsidian...is this why the Vines have been slower to grow lately?

- They break the barrier and find the Egg drenched in water. They wake up the Egg and it speaks.

“This world is mine. It belongs to me.”

“No no no, I know, but we’ve got something to tell you!”

“I see all...I...am...all...”

“Oh so you--”

“I know all.”

“You know then! Guess -- well, we’ll tell you anyway in case you don’t know -- but guess what? Tommy’s dead! Dream -- the green guy, you met him -- killed him in the prison! I guess Tommy got stuck there, and Dream killed him! Are you happy?"

“Feed me...I require nourishment.”

“No no no, don’t worry -- that’s coming soon! We’ll take care of that! We’re already gonna begin the preparations, right guys? Yeah, we’re gonna begin the preparations, and we’ll send out the invitations, we’ll let everyone know...and the final stage can commence! This is wonderful!”

- Once on the surface, Bad announces that with a little more preparation, they’ll all get exactly what they want. The final stage is about to commence. 

The day of celebrations, the day they’ve been preparing for, the day the Egg has been preparing for, is about to happen...

- Bad goes down to the Egg Room one last time and stands at the Egg to give a final speech.

“Everything leading up to this point, EVERYTHING, all the way going back to the discovery of this...beautiful, luxurious Egg, okay...we had it all planned. As soon as we found it, we knew what was gonna happen. We knew the objective...”

“We may have forgotten what it was, forgotten the ultimate goal as soon as we boxed the Egg up in obsidian. But guess what -- that didn’t stop the Egg! Boxing it up only made it STRONGER, and LARGER, and more powerful! And the Egg’s been storing up that energy, okay? You may have been thinking the Vines have not been spreading...but that’s because we haven’t WANTED them to spread. We have been working, storing energy, storing power...in preparation for the final plan. The final objective. And there were only a couple people getting in the way. But guess what? One of the biggest obstacles -- Tommy -- is no longer in the way...now that he’s not in the way, we can commence with the final stage...the final party...before it all comes to a conclusion...”

“Brace yourselves...everybody on this server, prepare. Anyone who is anti-Egg...you guys better get ready, because we know who you are. And at the end of the day, the Egg is gonna be victorious. And there’s nothing ANYBODY can do to stop it.”

“Good luck.”

[artist-fan146]

I posted 1,014 times in 2022

That's 893 more posts than 2021!

197 posts created (19%)

817 posts reblogged (81%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@fishstickfeind

@aurora-ze-aquarius

@penname-artist

@chicks-mustache

@disneytva

I tagged 641 of my posts in 2022

Only 37% of my posts had no tags

#disney - 183 posts

#pixar cars - 144 posts

#ducktales - 111 posts

#ducktales 2017 - 84 posts

#please don’t steal my art - 71 posts

#please don’t trace my art - 69 posts

#artist fan146 - 68 posts

#cars fandom - 52 posts

#darkwing duck - 52 posts

#cars pixar - 51 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#'cause i started off comparing gyro's height to huey and boyd's but then you have to consider that mads stands up straight and wears heels

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

As much as I love The Owl House for its lgbtq rep on the big screen coming from Disney, I feel like Ducktales 17 should really get more credit then it deserves for its rep! I mean literally they walked so TOH can run!

- Dt17 started in 2017, TOH started in 2020

- Violet canonically has two dads

- LP is canonically Bi

- Penumbra is canonically a Lesbian

- People who worked on the show drew art of Della and Penumbra together

- Gyro is labeled as a chicken but DOESNT have features that other roosters in the show has, and his outfit from the flashbacks from Astro BOYD can probably show he is transcoded!

-Similar stuff with Violet! In real life, Violet Saberwings are only Male but in the show, she is a Violet Saberwing, hence her name and a female! She is also transcoded according to me bc I make the rules!

- Boyd was given the opportunity to chose his identity and his own proper name at the end of his episode, and he took it! and that in itself is rep!

- Lena got to choose her own identity and was still discovering herself in season 2&3

- Thanks to @bardicinspiration-blog for mentioning this! Webby is Scrooge’s clone but they are different genders! However with May and June being Webby’s clones, they are both female! Which means that either Scrooge or Webby are trans!

So as my point proves, DUCKTALES 17 DESERVES THE AWARD FOR LGBTQ REP IN DISNEY FIRST!!

@negawingduck

97 notes - Posted May 22, 2022

#4

See the full post

100 notes - Posted August 1, 2022

#3

Spoilers for Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers if you haven’t seen the movie yet!

So I was rewatching the movie on Disney +, and for a split second I noticed Launchpad in the background! It was during the scene where all the bootlegged charcters were set free! Its pretty hard to see but If you look close enough, you can see him!

And I’m going to tell you all a headcanon that I had and shared it with @negawingduck

See the full post

103 notes - Posted May 21, 2022

#2

Oh man I finished watching the new Chip ‘n Dale movie on Disney + and I have a lot to say about it! Spoilers if you haven’t seen it yet!

- I absolutely admire that they were able to incorporate so many different animation styles in this movie!

-The 2d animation is interesting and i dont hate it so that says a lot!

- The story that was told, I enjoyed it and I liked the mix of toons and the living world living together

- The elements used in this movie are really cool!

-CAMEOS!!

-I like that they brought back Gadget’s original VA for this movie

- Ugly Sonic…?!?!? And they fact they brought in the original animation style that the first Sonic movie was supposed to use before the movie got delayed and we got the new style

- Gadget and Zipper have kids? Idk how to feel bout that! 42 kids… and counting??!?! WHAT?!

- After seeing the scene where Chip and Dale were about to be bootlegged in that machine the first time, it actually freaked me out

- I absolutely loved the callbacks to the original show! So smart and since I started watching the original show I absolutely loved that!

-The Disney Afternoon era references, Genius!

-DAKRWING DUCK AT THE END?! Best part in my opinion! COME ON DISNEY, GIVE US THE REBOOT!!!!!!

See the full post

302 notes - Posted May 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

MY GOD I LOVE THESE CARTOON REFERENCES!!!!

WAIT… I NEED THAT WANDER PLUSHIE!!! SOMEONE GIVE IT TO ME!!!!

751 notes - Posted June 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[einsamerhund]

What’s the most emotional moment the Captain has experienced, and why?

OOC

Hey y’all. Usually I would like to bring you these asks uninterrupted as to keep the focus on the storytelling, but this one hits some heavy history of real people in WWII. It is meant to be used as a character building moment for Hans’ trauma over his position as a servant to a horrible warmonger, and not to sympathize with any members of the Wermacht. For the sake of my readers uncomfortable with such on-hands depictions of the real historic events in Nazi Germany, this entry will be put below a cut.

For those who wish to continue, enjoy.

….

October, 1944

There was a time when the Major’s new plaything was just a fledgling that stood and watched. Decorated in a bold Waffen-SS uniform, Millennium soldier Hans Günsch was never informed in the morning briefing as to what this meeting was for. He knew better than to seem clueless and speak up, and simply observe. Looking down, he saw his master raise a hand as they rode down the streets leading out of the city.

“You’re probably vondering vhy I brought you to zhis place, dear Captain. As you know, our dear Doctor needed more time to plan out ze last few members of our charge. Ve need to move out, und soon. Our proud Deutschland is unfurling… But, our two fine gentleman here decided to bring us along for a perfect demonstration! Bah! Of course, ve vhere never here, by zhe vay…”

The Kübelwagen stopped amongst a civilian area lined with houses of varying quality. The two general opening doors for both Captain and Major before stepping to one house, and knocking on the door.

“I vant you to pay close attention, mein Captain…”

It can’t be… the Desert Fox…

“General Erwin Rommel.” Spoke up one general, a handful of papers laid out before him, refusing the keep eye contact with the older buzzcut man at the door. “You have been found object to treason against ze führer for conspiring vith zhe members of the recent attempted assassination of Adolf Hitler in June of zhis year. Ve have conclusive data from your cohorts zhat you vere indeed involved in talks about ‘a post Hitler Deutschland for zhe better of zhe country’…” There was silence from the man. His lips parted as an immense weight now burdened his eyes. Even though he tried to plea quietly with blind innocence in his face, he knew this moment was final. “Ve give you three choices…”

The men grew quieter now as they discussed the terms with a shattered Rommel, and Major simply smiled, knowing very well that Hans could only watch on as one of the greatest generals of two wars was now caught traitor. Once a proud man in the first world war, now another drone to Hitler’s blind and putrid beliefs before shriveling at the end when defeat came to face his country.

“Vhat you are vitnessing here, mein Captain, is the fate of a coward. Our friend did everyzhing he vas told. Go here, fight zhere, kill zhem! But somezhing in him just… fettered. Shame, for now zhat he has judged his master, he shall be hung from zhe gallows, or die a coward in his own homeland… Come now! Zhe fine gentleman are done. Let us talk vhiz him…!”

God, please no…

Another knock on the door, and a lifeless Rommel answered to the portly man and his goliath bodyguard. Without much resistance, they were let in. Discussions were had. “Join Millennium” was the topic of the day. And while he listened in his upstairs office, away from the ears of his unknowing wife and son, his teary eyes had already told them his answer.

Major simply smiled, thanked the general for his time, and went on on his way— not before inquiring about the lovely smell in the kitchen. And in that moment, Hans and Erwin were alone…

“Ich verdiene es…”

Hans widened his eyes, feeling this man’s pain envelope him. The Führer was a true devil, and Günsch faced a fallen angel wailing over the choices he’d made; leaving the room wasn’t an option. He’d look just as weak as Rommel for cowering in Herr Major’s sick lesson. Even worse, The general scooted back from his desk and walked up to the werewolf like a ghost. How. How could a beast like him fear such a small man?!

“I don’t deserve any of zhis…” Erwin groaned with dryness and vacancy. “Mein kinder… Mein Ehefrau… Deutschland… I vill go as I deserve, Und I vill let zhem know…”

It was as if the Rommel that Captain heard about was already dead. Just a walking corpse. He was ready to leave, to escape the dry and grey hell that was this room. This wasn’t a lesson anymore. This was Major’s threat to Hans…

Bitte. Halt… Halt, Halt, HALT…!

HAAAAAALT!!

The Deus Ex Machina was nearly complete. Germany was burning as the last of the Third Reich crumbled to the swift ally attack but days. Hans wished he could have celebrated, but news of Hellsing storming the last stronghold of Millenium’s labs came wind.

“Mein Captain! Zhe time has come. Zhe true plan I’ve set in motion vill soon come to pass, in time!” More of his sickly ramblings. He hated it. “Und to mark zhis special occasion, I bring you ein geschenk! From an old Freund you met so long ago it seems. Oh, how Nostalgia comes to remind us of our true place in zhis vorld!”

Captain returned to his quarters in the lab, holding the massive box in his hands. Undoing it, he saw what surprise the Major had in store. Unfolded from the collar, the deep green long coat of the Afrika Korps. Rommels Afrika Korps. A cruel joke…

But Hans felt himself different from Erwin. The Major was but a cage to Hans, not his grave nor his castle. His glory as a full moon beast still boils within him, fighting ‘til the last breath to be his own man. Though he dawned the outfit Major gave him to parody pride of Rommel’s army, he found a new purpose within the dark coat that obscured his visage from all.

Hans Günsche would fight and die on his own path, and his alone…

[mystic-poet]

ROGUE PATHS

I wake up to find myself handcuffed to the hospital bed. The drug they injected me with to tame me seems to be wearing off. Ugh! This again. Better to get it over with, I guess. I drag my free hand into my bun and retrieve a small blade. As usual the dumb police never bothered to check in there thinking a man’s bun would just be a fashion statement. I twist to my side and turn the blade in the keyhole clockwise. My hand comes free. I learnt to pick locks when I was young, one of my many talents. I shake my hand hard to get rid of the stiffness and get up from the bed.

I stride confidently straight towards the door, not in the sneaky kind like a criminal would. As expected, a police officer stands at guard. His lips are on the verge of screaming when I silence him by waving a hundred bucks in front of his eyes. He raises his eyebrows at me and I throw in another four hundred to satisfy his thirst. That ought to shut him up. Money! The most deadly weapon and beautiful thing anyone can ever have.

□□□

Outside the hospital waits Beth. She teaches German in Crawford High. Well, it would be safe to say she taught me the art of viciousness. If angels can house demons, there isn’t any harm in a teacher being an evil mastermind.

“They shot you pretty bad in that leg, huh?” she says as I limp on one good leg. She gives me a look that was overflowing with pity. How I hate that!

“Enough with the puppy eyes already!” I snap. My right leg was hurting real bad and I would have stayed in the hospital until they mended it and made my grand escape later but I won’t want to deprive the world of its foul folks. Besides, I have business to finish.

“I must say, I didn’t expect you to be in the hospital,” Beth says unlocking her car and we sit in.

“They shot my leg in the encounter at the bank and I was losing blood by the second. Couldn’t get much out of me while I was thrashing in pain,” I explain.

“Did you find anything at the bank?” Beth asks raising an eyebrow at me as she drives the car out of the parking lot.

“I was close to. The property papers were in my hands before the cops caught up with me. Couldn’t read a word.”

“So, what are going to do? Got anything up your sleeves?”

“Well, I do. I am going to father’s house this Wednesday,” I say coolly.

“You do know that’s two days away, don’t you?”

“I have thought it through. You’ll see,” I say grinning.

Beth shakes her head. “Just remember I need my share of the money, Carl.”

“We talked about this a million times, Beth. You’ll get your forty percent,” I say casually leaning into the passenger’s seat.

□□□

My dad abandoned me when I was a teen. He is the owner of a multinational electronic company my late grandpa founded. Beth was the assistant manager. She was a frequent visitor in thehouse and shared a fine bond with dad until one day, she was fired when my dad accused her of a theft she never committed or so she told me.

When I was old enough, I tracked her down and discovered that she craved revenge with dad for all the wrongs done to her. She wanted to blow the lid off and reveal all the dark secrets behind dad’s firm. In a way, our common want of vengeance united us.

My dad is stinking rich whereas I was left in some community home and survived off donations. This is why I despise pity; I have lived with it all my life. I have my rightful place in the company and the fortune my grandpa left behind. But I need theofficial documents and my one chance of getting them from the bank slipped away. That’s where the part of infiltrating his house comes in. Ah! It’s been such long while since I did something of this kind. Infiltrating seems such a gorgeous word now.

□□□

“So, how are we doing it?” asks Beth pouring two glasses of red wine for the both of us. She drove us to her house for it’s probably the safest place to be.

“He is hosting some success party on Wednesday and there’s bound to be security. My idea is to go through as delivery persons. The rest will follow. You will tip toe to the computer room while I put up some distraction. I will catch up with you soon enough. Till then, find the papers,” I instruct taking a swig from my glass.

“It won’t be that simple, you know,” she says with a smirk.

“I was thinking you need that forty percent,” I say with mock seriousness.

“Fine!” she says exasperated. How I love when I am obeyed.

□□□

We are wheeling the cart that supposedly holds the cake but instead I just stuffed it with a wad of cotton. I ring the bell of the grand house with Beth beside me. The housekeeper, a woman in maybe in her thirties, opens the door. She gestures to where the cake should be kept. I look around at the magnificence of the place and its each and every adornment and decoration, from the mahogany coffee table to the velvet curtains and even the intricate designs on the glass vases, conveyed royalty. I feel a rush of hatred inside me. My father enjoyed all the money at his disposal and lived in comfort with rugs beneath his feet whereas I tossed and turned with unease in my bed every night wondering if my parents would ever make their way back to me. At least my mother passed away before she witnessed the return of her abandoned son.

“You know what to do,” I whisper in Beth’s ear. She nodded. I take my blade out and make a shallow cut in the back of my hand oozing out blood. That blade is indeed a good partner. I pocket it as swiftly as I took it out.

“Oh, I am bleeding. I am bleeding,” I say dramatically and hold my hand out purposefully for everyone to see the scarlet covering it.

“Oh dear, God. I will fetch you some ice from the kitchens,” the housekeeper says and disappears into a corridor. That’s the thing about kind people; they are easy prey.

I signal to Beth and she sets off in a half-walk and half-run up the stairs. She knows the way to the computer room from all those years of coming to dinners and teas in the house. As she turns into the corner, I rush behind her too wiping the blood on my pants.

I catch up with her soon enough as she looks straight ahead navigating through the rich corridor filled with a few guests. I walk behind her maintaining a safe distance; we can’t afford to attract any attention.

We walk into a long deserted hallway. I am sure the computer room is here and so does Beth, I suppose, as she carefully notices each door. She comes to an abrupt stop in front of the door at the far end of the hallway and opens it without a glance at me. In the middle of the room sits a computer that would be the cause of my dad’s doom. Beth turns it on and gets to work as I stand at the door occasionally peaking in. I was afraid it might have a password but it didn’t. Arrogance! Father must be sure no one could evade his computer. Well, I guess history is being made today.

“Do it quick!” I hiss at her.

“Does it look like I am not trying?” she says making an irritated face at me.

We are silent for five minutes or so when Beth says, “Carl, I found them!”

A smirk creeps across my face. “Transfer it to me. All of it,” I say in an excited whisper.

Beth turns back to the computer and presses send. The next few moments go by as quickly as the blink of an eye. I lock Beth in the computer room and somewhere a safety alarm triggers deafening my ears. I hear her muffled screams calling out to meechoing in the hallway but without looking back I descend the two flights of stairs.

I bump into the security on a landing and adopting my best worried voice I say, “A woman in the computer room. Upstairs.” The words barely escape my mouth and they run upstairs to find the trespasser while I walk out of the mansion with satisfaction.

Indeed, Beth taught me too much than she should have. Call me selfish but that’s what the world made me. I couldn’t have let Beth have forty per cent. After all, what would she do with it in jail? As for my father this episode would definitely motivate him to set a computer password. I whistle walking on the road thinking of the colour my bungalow would be.

Tagging:

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Thank you so much for giving this a read dears!

Comments, criticism and suggestions are always welcome <3!!!

[ohctranscripts]

Naughty Till New Years: Seventhly, the Gift

Narrator: This is the sound of a janitor’s life at the top of the Eiffel Tower.

[Silence]

Here it is again.

[Silence]

Don’t worry, your device is not broken.  There isn’t any.  Sound.  Not to speak of.

Julian: You know in movies when somebody says, “it’s quiet… it’s too quiet”?  Yeah…

Narrator: At night, in these heavens, there isn’t so much as a harp.  Perhaps this is why the janitor spends so much time eavesdropping.  On Coco’s music, when he plays it in the ticket booth, and sometimes… on his conversations.  Here’s one the janitor overheard just yesterday.  Coco was chatting with the ticket booth clerk who was getting off duty as the tower closed for the night.

Coco: It gets uncomfortable.

Clerk: That does sound really hard.  Well, thank you so much, Mr. Laurie, it really means a lot to me.

Coco: My pleasure.

Narrator: The janitor had never heard Coco talk to the ticket booth clerk before, but there was something about the ticket booth clerk’s voice that the janitor felt was nice to listen to.  Unfortunately, Coco had told the ticket booth clerk about their recent run-in, and how he’s always afraid of upsetting the janitor by saying or doing the wrong thing.  And this was not very nice to listen to.

Julian: First thing I said to him for real, it was “leave me alone”.

Narrator: The janitor pulls the blankets over his head.  He’s in his janitor’s closet, in his cot.  The janitor’s doing a lot of sleeping these days.  Maybe there’s a world record he could go for!

Julian: I’m not sleeping, I’m thinking.

Narrator: Of working, perhaps?

Julian: I think there’s something I have to do.

Narrator: Yes!  Clean!

[Knocking]

It’s Mr. Chouinard.

Julian: Shh.

Narrator: The janitor tries not to move… or breathe.  Mr. Chouinard goes away.  This isn’t the first time he’s been by.

Julian: Ah… it’s getting cold.

Narrator: The janitor takes a guilty glance at the wood-burning stove in his closet.

[Music starts]

Mr. Chouinard had put it there for him, an act of generosity from some time ago that, perhaps, the janitor’s forgotten?

Chouinard: I am putting this in right here.  It will heat up zis room like an oven.  You will never be cold again.  It is two hundred years old, but it is ze best stove.  Is beautiful.  Look at it, Julian.  Look.  Regard, regard, Julian, regard ze stove.  Ze stove is beautiful.

Julian: Yeah.

Chouinard: Julian.  Give me the ‘ammer.

Julian: Here.

Chouinard: Julian, that’s not the ‘ammer.

Narrator: Yes, it was very kind of Mr. Chouinard to put the stove in, as it was to attempt to teach the janitor how to use it, and as it was for Coco to also attempt to teach him how to use it.  And if any of you would like to attempt to teach him how to use it, he can be found at the Eiffel Tower, Paris, France, near the top.  He’ll be the one hiding under the covers, not doing any work.

Julian: I wouldn’t be a help.  Everything I’ve tried to clean in my entire life has ended up dirtier.  I’m not kidding.

Narrator: But you can… learn.

[Ringing]

Saved by the bell.  Outside, the janitor can hear the Eiffel Tower payphone ringing.  This is a very rare occurrence.  Mr. Chouinard’s answering.  It’s his boss on the telephone!  The janitor strains to listen.  We’ll go closer, as your ears are probably not as good as the janitor’s.

[High-pitched mumbling]

Chouinard: No, ze janitor exists!  Really, you should see him!  He is a sight for sore eyes.  He is beautiful.  I’ll invite you all over for dinner one night with ze family, how’s zat?  And get him to clean something like… your glasses!  That will show you, okay?

[Mumbling]

Of course I have ‘ired someone!

[Mumbling]

No one’s ever seen him?  Uh, Coco has seen him!  No, Coco is not senile.

Narrator: Maybe he shouldn’t have brought up Coco.

Chouinard: Okay, okay, no, no, no, no, I may—I may have fibbed a little about his age, heh.  Just a couple of decades.

[Frantic mumbling]

No, no, no, no, ‘e will not fall, ‘e will not fall!  ‘E was a tightrope walker when he was young, mm-hm!  Yes, I—I know I said he was a jazz guitarist.  It was in ‘alle, ‘e played ze jazz guitar on ze tightrope, ha-ha!  Vaudeville in zose days, you had to do multiple things.  Oh, wait, but there’s more, yeah!  He used to do ze bow and arrow, and ‘e eat ze bulls-eye, very professional!  Ze—zey wanted him to be a clean beret assassin, but he say no, I want to play guitar with all ze greats.  But then he would—no, no, his sight, his eyesight, ze best eyesight in ze world!  He can see for kilometers, better than a bunny rabbit, or, or a lemming, mm-hm.

[Mumbling]

Oui.  Oui.  Oui, madam.  Mm-hm.  Ze holiday is coming.  Yes, of course, I know is—is almost Wind’s Daughter, I have children, you know, I have a calendar.  Ze tower will be ready, I promise you, I promise you a million billion times!  I—hello?

Narrator: Back in the janitor’s closet.

Julian: Is it really holiday time already?  Oh, my god.

Narrator: This is themost important time of year for the janitor and the Eiffel Tower.  Le fille du vent, or, in layman’s terms, Wind’s Daughter, is the French holiday commemorating love, comparable to our Valentine’s Day, but, being French, it’s much more complex.  An occasion for all we, and goes on for six weeks.  It also commemorates all kinds of love, in addition to the romantic.

[Knocking]

There is a knock at the janitor’s door.  And it reminds him of another knock from long, long ago.

[Music starts, knocking]

We go to the janitor’s childhood.  It’s Wind’s Daughter.  He has just become aware of and begun to idolize his great-grandfather.  Something large is being left at the door of the house.

[Thud]

There’s no one else home, only him.

[Door opens]

Normally, he isn’t allowed to touch packages when they come.  But this…

Young Julian: It’s for me!  Oh my god.

Narrator: The box is enormous.  He can barely move it!

[Light grunting]

He pulls it inside, drags it through the whole of the hallway, into the living room.  He hasn’t much time.  If his parents come home, they won’t let him have it!  He formulates a plan.  He must open it now, hide its contents, and throw the box away quickly.  He runs into the kitchen and grabs a knife to open the box.

[Drawer opening, silverware clinking, box being opened, Julian breathing]

Young Julian: Wow.

Narrator: The janitor is frantic.  He’s got to hide it while there’s still time.  The box’s contents are in pieces that require assembly.  He hasn’t a moment to see what they really are.  He must think quickly.  He runs downstairs.  He has an intimate knowledge of all the boxes in the basement that haven’t been opened in years.  He opens them up now, hides their contents in various places, and replaces them with the contents of his gift!  He hears a car pulling up—could it be his stepfather coming home already?

Young Julian: Where’s the tape?  Where did I put the tape?

Narrator: He finds it!  Frantically taping the boxes back up, he puts them back in their places!  He made it!  That’s his stepfather, coming through the front door now.

Young Julian: Calm down, Julian.

Narrator: It isn’t until the next day that he is able to assemble the gift and see what his great-grandfather has sent.  He begins to unpack it.

It is a Wind’s Daughter tradition that the eldest member of the family gives the youngest a present, when the eldest judges the youngest old enough to understand the present they wish to give.  The present represents something the eldest has found to love about the world, and it is a sort of game.  The present is a hint, or a clue.  And the youngest must guess from it what it is the eldest has found to love.  And if the youngest guesses correctly, the eldest must provide the youngest some version of that thing.

The janitor has put the gift together, and steps back.

Young Julian: Oh my god.

Narrator: It is a tin model of the entire city of Paris, with a giant amusement park at its center.  And overlooking all of this is the Eiffel Tower.  He plugs it in.  All of the lights in the windows and on the street lamps light up.  He finds a place to pour in water to fill the Seine.  And there are boats to float upon it.  This becomes the janitor’s treasure.

He assembles it every day when he gets home from school, looking at it for a little while, then taking it apart before his parents get home.

It is part of the tradition that the youngest shows their gift to a friend, who may help them find the clues hidden within it.  Being the janitor, he chose the only person he really knew: His bully.

And, strangely enough, he came.

Alaurie: You know how weird this is, right?  Like, you inviting me here?

Narrator: The janitor doesn’t answer.  He never answers.  But he unpacks the tin Paris and assembles it, and Alaurie looks somewhat interested, but much more so when the janitor explains that should they hear his stepfather’s car, they must take it apart and hide it as quickly as possible.

Young Julian: [whispers] If my stepfather comes, we have to hide it, and we have to hide.

Alaurie: We have to hide?  What’s he gonna do?

Narrator: The janitor explained what his stepfather usually did, and Alaurie listened with even greater interest.  And then said something that would change the janitor’s life forever.

Alaurie: You should definitely run away.

Narrator: And then, they heard a car pull up.

Young Julian: No…

Alaurie: Take that part.

Narrator: Alaurie takes command.

Alaurie: Take this.  Go!

Narrator: Expertly leading the janitor.

Alaurie: Okay, come on!  Come on, over here!

Julian: Calm down.

Alaurie: Breathe.

Julian: Okay.

Alaurie: Alright, good.  Put it behind here, behind here!

Narrator: And then, Alaurie opens the small basement window and begins crawling through it.

Alaurie: Go, go, come on!

Narrator: But Julian stands frozen on the spot and does not follow!

Alaurie: Come through here!  What’s wrong with you?

Narrator: Once through, Alaurie turns and reaches back into the window and, grabbing the janitor by the shoulders, begins pulling him through it!

Alaurie: Come on, come on!

Narrator: But once the janitor is through, he freezes again!  The janitor’s stepfather is coming around from the front of the house!

Alaurie: You’re gonna let Mutant Man catch you?  Come on!

Narrator: Alaurie pulls at Julian!

Alaurie: He’s coming!

Julian: He’s seen me, he’ll kill me.

Alaurie: You’re such a wuss!

Narrator: And the janitor watches Alaurie run off.

Turning the corner, the janitor’s stepfather’s tripped…

[Falling noise, coughing, groaning]

…injuring his back and finding himself in the hospital.  He did not return for two days.  We will return in just a moment.

[Music]

[Christy Gressman break]

[Music]

Narrator: We return to find the janitor in his cot where he is startled out of his reverie by the knocking that caused it.

[Knocking]

Mr. Chouinard is outside his door.

Chouinard: Julian.  Julian, please.  I beg you.  Okay, I’ve cleaned up a bit around ze tower, um, but I don’t have time.  I have got to go ‘ome.  Julian, ze schoolchildren, zey make up ze decorations for Wind’s Daughter, for ze Eiffel Tower, every year.  Is very important.  Zey are downstairs in ze giant crane, Julian, if you can hear me, can you please, can you hang zem up for me, Julian, please?  And ze holiday is coming soon, and we’ve got to get them up, okay, Julian?  Okay, please, Julian, please, really.  Okay.

[Footsteps]

Narrator: Mr. Chouinard goes off.

The janitor’s… rising!  He’s—he’s getting out of bed!

Julian: Oh, come on.  I do want to help.

Narrator: He’s gone to the closet door.  He’s waiting until he’s sure that Mr. Chouinard is gone.  He—he goes out!  Twenty minutes later, we find him on the upper observation deck with his arms full of strings of white paper decorations.  So… are you going to put them on the observation deck first?

Julian: I’m gonna put them up there.

Narrator: But you can’t scale the tower with your arms full of decorations!

Julian: Think about how beautiful it’ll look.  Come on.

Narrator: The janitor steps over the railing and begins climbing out and up towards the top of the tower!

[Echoing footsteps]

Once up, he works diligently, climbing from girder to girder, stringing them up until, slowly, it begins to take form.

[Jullian sighs]

Julian: It looks beautiful.

Narrator: It does look beautiful.

[Thunderclap]

Suddenly, there’s a clap of thunder much too close!

[Louder thunderclap, rain]

Out of nowhere, icy cold rain pours out of the sky!

[Julian groans]

The decorations in his hands are getting tangled up!  He slips!  He’s lost his footing!  He’s hanging on by the string of decorations!

[Thunder, continuous now]

He’s regained his footing.  He tries to untangle the decorations, but he can’t do it!  It’s too dangerous.  He’s got to climb down!

[Echoing footsteps]

He’s getting around… he’s made the observation deck.  He jumps down, runs to his closet, and slams the door behind him!

[Rain suddenly stops]

The janitor’s shoes are soaked, his pants, his socks, everything.  He’s never been so cold in his entire life.  He can’t stop shivering.  The janitor peels off his wet clothing and, covering himself with what dry things he has, climbs into his cot and makes it wet, too.

It’s just so cold.  He shoots a pathetic look at his stove.

Julian: I have no idea how to do it.

Narrator: He has to try.  Wrapping himself in his covers and shivering as he climbs off his bed, down to his knees, he opens the stove door.  The janitor’s shivering too hard, he can’t breathe.  You’re having a panic attack.  Calm down, calm down.  Mr. Chouinard left you supplies.  Look.  There are some matches.

[Match strikes]

He lights a bit of newspaper, places it in, and moves the coals around.  And as he does so, the coals striking the metal side [ding] make a beautiful sound that captures his attention.  He stirs the coal some more, purposefully banging them against the side of the stove, trying to make that sound again.

[Ding, twice]

And he does!  This time, two chords sound.  Forgetting all about the fire, the janitor stirs the coals more.

[Multiple chords, dinging]

And more.  Until…

[Music]

The janitor stares into the mouth of the stove from which the music comes.  And the music keeps going without him.  Because the music is real.  And the janitor takes a nice, deep breath.  You see, it was… it was so exactly like something he’d imagined, at first he was sure he was imagining it.  And then, he falls back and he seeks no explanation.  He can imagine none other than what he was experiencing was a miracle.

[Music stops, rain pattering]

And as the music suddenly stopped dead, he listened to the silence it left behind it.  He felt as if his whole little room had grown warm.  And indeed it had.  The stove was lit.

He closes his eyes.

[Chord, rain pattering]

And now, he is asleep.

[Music starts up again]

In his dream, he sees stagehands Jacques and Francois with crew carpenter Margot hanging decorations in the lobby of the Broadcast Ballroom, hurrying to finish before the crowd lets out.

Margot: Up there?

Francois: That’s lovely.

Jacques: You know, that looks nice, I’m sure, I’ve gotta say I’m proud of us.

Margot: It’s comin’ together faster than I thought it would.

Jacques: But, uh…

Francois: What’s that thing in the corner?

Margot: Well, we can take that down, if it doesn’t work.

Francois: No, I—it kinda, it kinda looks nice.  Uh-oh.  Sounds like the crowd’s gonna be clearin’ out soon.

Margot: Well, I’ll have to do—

Francois: Hey, Jacques, what are you doin’ over there by the popcorn?

Jacques: What, they’re gonna throw it out!  It’s fine.

Francois: Come on.

Jacques: Oh my god, it’s so good though.  Oh.  Mmm.

Francois: Really?

Margot: Come on, I can’t move it by myself.

Jacques: Oh my god.

[Jacques and Francois eating popcorn, happy, all overlapping now]

Margot: Just get over here, it’ll only take a minute, I haven’t got time!  What are you on about?

Jacques: What is the deal?  Oh my god!  Oh.  Who made this?

Margot: That’s marvelous.

[Eating popcorn]

Francois: Oh, hallelujah.

Jacques: It’s so good.

Francois: Why is it so good?

Pierre: Uh, guys, guys what are you doing?  They’re gonna come in here.

Francois: Nothin’.  Just, just come over here, you gotta try this.

Margot: It’s wonderful.

Francois: Just try one kernel.  Change your life.

Pierre: Oh my god.

Margot: I can’t put my finger on it, but…

Pierre: Oh my god.

Francois: It’s magical.

Lily: Hey, what y’all doin’?

Pierre: Incredible!

Lily: People gettin’ ready to come out.

Francois: Just have a little bit of popcorn.

Margot: It’s like—

Jacques: It’s amazing.

Lily: This is serious.

Laeticia: Hey, what are you doing?

Francois: Nothin’.

Laeticia: There’s a ladder.  There’s a ladder here, you’re eating popcorn!  We have two minutes, ze crowd comes, uh?

Francois: Two minutes!

[Overlapping voices]

Laeticia: What is that?  Oh, my, it smells so good.

Francois: Just try it, Laeticia.

Laeticia: It does smell good.

Pierre: Yeah, try it.

[Eating popcorn]

Laeticia: Zat is ze best popcorn I have ever had!

Lily: That’s what I’m sayin’.

Pierre: Uh-huh.

Jacques: What is goin’ on?

Laeticia: It is so—

Pierre: It feels like dreams in my mouth!

Laeticia: [Mouth full] Yeah, is like a dream in my mouth.  Okay, okay, you know what?

Francois: I think they—

Laeticia: We’re going to take this for us.  We’re going to take it for us.

Pierre: …butter…

Laeticia: Put it in your satchel, uh?

Pierre: Why?

Laeticia: Put it in your—because we’re going to eat it, we’re going to take it.

Francois: We take it with us?

Laeticia: We can’t eat in front of ze audience.

Jacques: I’m takin’ it.  Put it in here.

Laeticia: Carry it.

[Apprehensive noises]

Laeticia: No, no, quiet, quiet!

[Shushing]

Francois: Let’s make a break for it.

Laeticia: Grab ze ladder!

[Ding]

[aegialia]

self-indulgent reflection on being on tumblr

so i recently hit 1000 followers on here and this blog has existed for almost exactly 8 years, so i wanted to ramble about tumblr and my experience of it for awhile. under the cut so definitely feel free to ignore this.

i started this blog right around when i was fourteen and had just started high school. at that point, i was out to my parents (and no one else) as bi, i had an inkling i was Struggling with something but i had no idea what and felt like i couldnt actually acknowledge it, and i had left leaning but very vague politics. tumblr definitely has shaped my journey around sexuality/gender/mental health/politics, both for good and for ill. 

for good: 

seeing other ppl talk about being lesbians helped me realize i could be a lesbian w/o being a traitor to the concept of bisexuality. hearing trans ppl talk about their experiences and explaining non-binary stuff and dysphoria helped me understand what i was going through 

i don’t like talking about my mental health stuff in detail on here, but suffice to say, i was Going Through it in high school. i’m still going through it now, but i am in a much better place (thank you medication and 7 years of therapy!). seeing ppl talk about the weird, dumb, awful parts of mental illness let me acknowledge that i was going through those things too, that i wasnt like evil for feeling like that, that i could change. people talking about adhd/autism was particularly helpful---being able to identify why i’d always felt like my brain just didn’t work right is the first step in the (ongoing) process of not hating myself for the way my brain works

politics is definitely the area where i think tumblr was the best for me. i got exposed to so many opinions i definitely wasn’t hearing in school, from intelligent, well-read people who could articulate theory in ways i could understand. tumblr didn’t give me my politics and i didn’t learn everything i know about theory from it, but the communities of people i was around pointed me in the right directions. tumblr was also a good place to learn how to react to criticism. this doesn’t seem to be most people’s experience, but getting called out over minor things on tumblr genuinely helped me learn how to take a step back, look at my behavior, apologize, and try to change, which, as it turns out, is a helpful skill irl as well

for ill:

wrt sexuality and gender, it’s probably pretty obvious someone who’s journey is ‘cis bi girl -> cis with a million different microlabels -> nb w a million different microlabels for both sexuality and gender -> nb butch lesbian who’s not super into romance’ would have some bad times on tumblr. the bi circles i was in made being a lesbian seem like an immoral choice, the ‘’’mogai’’’ (or whatever u wanna call them) circles made me feel like i had to divy up and perfectly label every aspect of myself in a way that really wasn’t helpful for me, the lesbian circles i was in made me feel like being a lesbian was about ending up in a monogamous butch/femme cottagecore relationship and that there was something wrong with me for not really wanting that. to be clear i think microlabels can be very helpful for people/a monogamous butch/femme relationship is a perfectly fine thing to want, they just didn’t work for me. im very very glad ive reached a point in my life where i dont feel the need to stay up to date on the latest discourse and am more focused on finding a way to exist that is comfortable for me and supporting my community irl. 10/10 would recommend to everyone

not going to get deep into it, but social media is. not good for my brain in general. i still enjoy using tumblr, but these days im pretty careful to step back from it frequently and treat it as an occasional hobby. 

the cons of political stuff on tumblr are probably also very obvious. there are some just awful discussions on here and the culture surrounding the way we handle bad behavior and justice and accountability and working to become a better person and make up for the harm you’ve caused has historically been fucking awful and trying to unlearn it and find new ways to engage with this stuff is exhausting. 

for all that i’ve changed over the course of having this blog, this blog has stayed pretty fucking static. i started out being super into diana wynne jones and the iliad and those are still two of my biggest interests and things i talk about the most on here. there are definitely specific things that have petered away (i started this blog almost entirely to keep up with good omens fan stuff and i pretty much haven’t touched it since the miniseries came out, i haven’t sought out pacific rim/supernatural/elementary/mcu content in years), but im still pretty much interested in the same things. i like relatively small fandoms, i like weird side characters, i like to be a grumpy child playing with my toys in the corner. when a fandom im in gets popular, i tend to stop engaging with it entirely (hello rqg/tma/good omens/enola holmes!). i dont think its a pretentious ‘i liked it before it was cool’ thing so much as a ‘people get Weird and awful when a fandom hits a certain level of popularity and there’s too much content and i really, really hate the bad faith arguments larger fandoms tend to spawn’ thing. i’ll consume content from big fandoms, but i pretty much refuse to actually engage with them at this point.

one of the stranger parts of my experience of tumblr is the social side. i’ve never really known how people make friends online---how do you go from liking each other’s posts and occasionally replying to them to actually being friends who communicate off social media? i’ve had conversations with ppl on tumblr and i’ve had sort-of friendships that are contained to tumblr where i’d like to get to know them better, but i’ve never figured out how to do that. my best friend’s job is pretty much to make friends/connections on the internet (she’s an activist and artist), my dad knows people everywhere in the world from twitter, and i’m just sitting here like a little old grandpa who doesn’t understand how you can have internet friends. 

at this point in my life, i’m fine with this, but this has made me feel real fucking bad in the past---like, if everyone online, even the ppl who say they’re weird and brainbad in a similar way to me, can make friends on the internet, what’s wrong with me? particularly in high school and my first year of college, when i was just horribly lonely all the time, it made me feel super disconnected and like there was something fundamentally bad about me. these days, i’m a lot chiller about it. i use social media to engage with stuff i enjoy and share my thoughts about it. it’s okay that my social difficulties extend to me not knowing how to use the internet to socialize.

on a somewhat related topic, it’s wild that i have 1000 followers. obviously, that’s not an actually super large number and a huge number of them are probably bots or inactive. if you post consistently for eight years and follow lots of people, like i do, it’s not a surprise to end up with this many followers. it is also, thankfully, the sort of followers that are not fans. probably most ppl following this blog dont remember why they followed and dont know anything about me or my interests. this sounds like its meant to be depressing but it’s not. i like that my way of engaging w the internet lets me do pretty much whatever i want and no one will care. the mere concept of being. like. tumblr famous in any capacity, even just in one community/fandom, is viscerally horrifying to me. 

i really enjoy the space i’ve created for myself on here. on one hand, going back through my blog is obviously embarrassing and full of hating my past self. on the other hand, i now have a very nice collection of things i enjoy in this blog. i like seeing what i’ve been interested in and (when i’m in a good mental health place) i like to be able to remember how i thought and talked about the things i loved when i was younger. im not at the place in my life where i can love a younger version of myself, but sometimes i can laugh at zir with a level of fondness. 

i’ve always been paranoid about sharing details about my life on here (and the fact that my parents have always been able to see it certainly contributed), so the version of jack on here is a carefully curated version, who’s super enthusiastic about the things they love, was very conscientious about apologizing and trying to do better when ze messed up, and tried to be polite to others. that’s a younger version of myself that i’m closer to being able to have compassion for than the version i find in essays and poems and memories. 

i’m starting grad school in ten days and i’m still using the blog i started when i began high school. tumblr has helped me in a lot of ways and hurt me in a lot of ways, but i still have to admit that it’s been a significant factor in shaping me. i’d be incredibly embarrassed to admit that irl, but it’s true. other than my family and like one friend, this blog is one of the only things that’s ‘known’ me since i started high school. i’ve changed so much in that time and im glad to have this weird little record of myself throughout those changes, even if i’d probably warn my younger self away from tumblr if i could go back in time.

tl;dr i have had a mixed experience on tumblr and i have mixed feelings about that experience. no idea if anyone read any of this very long, very rambling internet memoir

p.s. fun facts about this blog:

i’ve never changed my icon or blog title

i recently got a second version of the poster i got my blog title from. i chose my blog title by looking at what was hanging on the wall directly in front of me. 

my original url was gloomthkin. this was not, as you’d probably assume, an otherkin thing. i had literally no idea what otherkin was at that point. i’d just learned the word gloomth from a bill bryson book and thought it would be cool n edgy to be the child of the quality of gloom. i changed my url after i learned what otherkin was and realized everyone probably assumed something about me that wasn’t true which i hated (not bc i had an issue w otherkin, just bc i don’t like ppl thinking untrue things about me)

during my good omens days, i once sent a tumblr ask to nail guyman which, in retrospect, was kinda rude. i stand by the content but id never send an ask like that now. he replied to it privately in a way that so deeply embarrassed and shamed 15 year old me that i’ve never gotten over it. i still get nervous and embarrassed when i see anything about him or his books

[delusion-of-negation]

top 10 (ish) ridiculous or annoying FAQs:

(click at your own discretion)

1) "kids today rely on others to do everything"

ah yes, damn those participation trophies! if it wasn't for them my hands wouldn't be fucked, and I wouldn't need people to write for me. but seriously, stop reading boomer comics, and go outside to meet some actual young people.

2) "sus that a non-american says mom"

yeah, because it's clearly the superior version, and I'm not too patriotic to concede a defeat.

3) "sweaty, the victims of abuse by catholics are real people, stop appropriating their pain just because you want to hate catholics; plus teachers abuse people just as often anyway"

so firstly, I don't hate anybody. and secondly, regarding the fact that victims really do exist, [insert "of course I know him, he's me" meme here]; although I don't often talk much about the abuse I went through or what my religious beliefs are. but, more importantly, statements like "survivors are people" can be phrased like "some people are survivors", and when you're unable to act according to the latter (like when you don't even consider that somebody might be one) then you display a failure to recognise the former - you're projecting; a survivor can't be appropriating their own pain, but you can be appropriating it to silence one. and thirdly, teachers do abuse - the problem isn't and has never been purely religion, rather that abuse is often done by somebody in a position of trust, power, and familiarity; and that the lack of a global minimum enables totally legal abuse on top of the illegal stuff. people with access and respect have more opportunity to abuse than those without, and that goes for teachers too. but, once again, you can be appropriating the pain of survivors to deflect and silence people. please remember this before you say that shit.

4) "get help/therapy"

way ahead of you - years ahead of you. but it's not magic - people who say this often act as if you'll start behaving differently overnight. not only are some things simply beyond the ability of talking therapy to completely rectify, it also takes time and has to be selective. you've got to pick your priorities, and that's definitely not whatever ship or joke you're mad at me about today. therapy is a slow, arduous process that can't guarantee results - it isn't "anti-recovery" to recognise that, it's honesty. while I've been in therapy for a long time, it is not necessarily going to change whatever you don't like about me - whether that's because it can't, because my focus now is on more important or urgent things, or because I don't want to change that.

5a) "tell your family you ship incest, see how that goes; normal people find it disgusting"

actually, some know, and they're fine with it. in fact, one prefers sibling pairings in fiction to all other dynamics because, to paraphrase, "it's a deeper level of messed up co-dependence". so unfortunately for you, my remaining family (by which I mean those not dead or cut out of my life after abuse and so forth) actually are able to distinguish between fiction and reality. plus, my reasoning for caring if they find it gross or not pertains only to recommending books and such - their opinions do not dictate my tastes.

5b) "don't sexualise/appropriate incestuous abuse" and "I bet you enjoyed being raped" and other attempts to upset me over 5a

firstly, as I've already said here, survivors can't be appropriating ourselves. in addition, you're not owed people's history or trauma - it's not okay to require people's personal information, or else you'll send anon hate and accusations of appropriation. secondly, I'm not sexualising our abuse (not just because I write horror, and so a lot of my writing is intended to be creepy, not sexy); these stories aren't about us, they're not us at all. entire dynamics/people (fictional or otherwise) aren't all going to be applicable to us or identical to us, just because they have something in common with us; they're not us and they're not accountable to us. thirdly, the fact that people send this stuff (attempting to trigger people's trauma over ships) is so much more worrying to me than somebody making our communal imaginary friends kiss. you're trying to hurt people. and finally, to the "I bet you enjoyed it" crowd (if you're at all serious): do you think you'd enjoy being in a real zombie apocalypse, alone, afraid, and really at risk of being eaten alive? a fictional scenario does not feel remotely the same as a real one. this isn't rocket science - things that look like you aren't you; fiction isn't reality; don't send anon hate. (edit: comparable "just leave me alone, I'm not hurting anyone" sentiments for yandere stuff, and anything else you decide I'm naughty for.)

6) "you'll be sent off to do manual labour once your communist revolution happens"

while I don't know why people think that I'm a communist, a dictatorial regime probably isn't going to want me to do manual labour. they're more likely to just shoot me; I'm useless and a liability. call me crazy, but something tells me that "ah yes, we shall give ze deranged cripple ze power tools" isn't the communist position.

7a) "they/them can't be singular pronouns"

yes they can, and they're used as such in both shakespeare and the bible. but you don't have to say this - I'm also okay with he/him, so you could've just used those and chilled out. also, do I look like somebody who views the rules of grammar as fully immutable and imperative?

7b) "enbies/aros/pan/etc aren't valid"

do you really think that you're going to change any hearts or minds by putting that in my ask box or under my funny maymays? chill out, it's not worth the effort - you could be planning a party (in minecraft) and having fun instead. it isn't worth my time to rant at everybody who's saying something isn't valid, updating how I'm explaining it as my opinions grow and general discourse around it evolves; I'm just who I am, somebody else is who they are - why bicker in presumptuous ways about if that's enough? it ultimately is valid, in my opinion, but that isn't an invitation to keep demanding that I debate. (edit: old posts of mine probably don't phrase things incredibly, on this or anything... I tried.)

8) "what are your politics?"

my politics are informed first and foremost by the knowledge that I'm not cut out to be some kind of leader - I don't want to be the guy who tells everyone else what to do, I just offer what seem to me like valid criticisms of how we are doing things now, and general pointers on the values and ethics that I would prefer to move towards. things like individual freedom, taking the most pacifist route where possible, trying not to give excessive power to small groups of people (governments or corporations), helping those in need even when they're not palatable, and letting me suck loads of dicks. but please refrain from decreeing me something - there's not enough information in what I said, so you'll just be filling in the blanks with assumptions. (edit: workplace democracy seems cool to me; benefits are good; fair fines and taxes; and the "sperm makes you loopy" saga: 1, 2, 3, and 4.)

9) "you're a narcissist"

no, I don't meet the diagnostic criteria. joking on the internet that you're hot doesn't make a person a narcissist. the fact that I've chosen to keep my actual self-esteem issues to myself is not proof that they don't exist - you're just not entitled to that information about me. but it's also not narcissism to really like how you look. (edit: don't throw labels around carelessly too.)

10a) "kin list?"

the fabric of the universe, a zombie, dionysus, maned wolf/arctic fox hybrid, a comedian, big gay, big rock, ambiguously partial insincerity. (edit: kin list may or may not be incomplete.)

10b) "kin isn't valid/that's just being insane"

haven't we established that I'm deranged, and that sending stuff like this on anon is simply a waste of your precious time? besides, I do not care if it's invalid or insane - it's fun, I'm happy. (edit: see 7b for my opinion on sending me yet another ask with "that's invalid" in it; I'm not in the mood to discuss the nature of validity.)

bonus: "it gets better" and "trigger list?"

as I've said before, things just don't always get better for everyone - sometimes things can't be cured or even treated, sometimes they kill you; in some cases it could get better if not for a blockade or lack of time. the world is messy. it needs to be more normalised to reassure or comfort people without relying on saying that their issue will get better or be cured. it does suck to be this ill, but it also sucks to be made out to be a lazy pessimist, just because I have the audacity to not play along. and as for the trigger list, I don't like providing people with an easily accessed list of ways to hurt my feelings or harm me - upsetting me is supposed to be challenging, and thus rewarding. if you want a cheat sheet then you're out of luck, I'm afraid.

bonus #2: "FAQ stands for frequently asked questions, it doesn't need that s at the end!"

yeah, I know, I just enjoy chaos and disarray.

bonus #3 (edit): "what are your disabilities and how exactly are they incurable and/or deadly?"

again, I don't tell the internet everything about me, especially when it poses a risk, especially not as an easily accessible list for you to refer back to whenever you feel inclined to hurt my feelings. that is understandably a sore subject. (edit: that includes physical health issues btw.)

bonus #4 (edit): "so we shouldn't be critical?"

if it wasn't clear from my answer about politics or my post in general, you can have opinions about things, and you can voice that. it's just not realistic to exist at extremes: to think that you alone should dictate what exists in fiction, or to think that people shouldn't be expressing disdain or criticism of any calibur. say how you feel about things, that's fine, but it's also fine if people find that they don't value your input. plus we're all flawed, we can all be hypocritical from time to time, we all get bitchy, and we all make mistakes, or even knowingly fuck things up. that's important to keep in mind, whether we're talking about the one being criticised or the one doing the criticising - poor choices of words, imperfect tone, or contradictory ideas are inevitably going to happen occasionally.

congrats on reaching the end! if you have, at any point, said one of these to me, you owe a hug to your nearest loved one (once it's safe).

edit: might add more links/bonus points in the future when I think of things, but it's late now. (sorry for links where prior notes in the thread have my old url, that may get a tad confusing; also, not all links are my blog or my op, since it is to illustrate points/vibes, not to self-promo.)