#Fun history

[historyprofessorquotes]

"Because of course you can't just call it the 'Party of Big Fat Racists', so the State's Rights Party."

-Professor Boldt on the State's Rights Party.

[bandcampgremlin]

hello history tumblr k thought you would like to see this 16th century, Turkish umbrella hat

[lucere-aeresta]

Been reading this little fun book and only a few pages in our poor ACD had already been asked:

to introduce assistant/housekeeper/etc. to Sherlock Holmes. (And when mentioning the woman loves "bees" the word is capitalized and in quotation...I don't know what to make of it 🤔)

to get Holmes' autograph for readers. (Should be simple enough lol)

to write more SH books. (Of course! I'd be surprised if none of these letters turned up)

to send some copies of his books to a poor girl, better if translated into Russian. (Phew, who am I to complain readers requesting translation when ACD himself had to face such requests as well!)

to check out a treasure map somehow procured from the Admiralty, which was cyphered and needed to be decoded. (Man, leave him alone; he had already made enough money from selling SH books!)

to solve a case in which a Polish prince was murdered. (Fan fact, he got a detective work request--none other than the disappearance of Agatha Christie--even after death.)

Lmao it's funny but I feel sorry for ACD. I don't blame him for hating Holmes in the end, if only for having to deal with these letters!

Can't wait to see what this book has in store for me. But at least after part one the letters were not sent to Holmes-tormented ACD anymore but to some secretaries who got paid to deal with this headache and/or amusement.

[gobcorend]

Translation:

The Islamic State (ISIS) has perpetrated on various nations such as Belgium, France, Iran, Iraq, Syria, Egypt, the United States and Russia but has never attacked Israel nor has Israel attacked ISIS.

[tricornonthecob]

I need you all to understand the transcendent joy of finding evidence of People Being Trash Gremlins Through Time.

I present to you, the Bog House Miscellany

a compendium of funny graffiti in ordinaries, taverns, and public shitters in London in the early 18th century. Published anonymously by Hurlo Thrumbo, may their name be forever blessed.

With such gems as:

If you're gonna moan about being broke, at least make a good pun out of it.

I absolutely read all the pauses in Ha! Ha! Ha!

Some quality shitter discourse

For some reason this has tumblr reblog thread energy

yooooooooooo

I have absolutely read something akin to this in a public bathroom somewhere circa 2014.

If you don't get this, say Mike Hunt repeatedly until you do.

And my absolute favorite roast of all time:

[unitedstatesofamericancheese]

My country tis of cheese.🎵 I nibbled this outline of the contiguous United States out of a piece of American cheese (sorry you didn’t make the cut, Hawaii and Alaska.) According to @mental_floss, the processed American cheese we know and love today owes a great deal to @kraft_brand whose founder would shred cheddar, pasteurize it, mix in some sodium phosphate and then wrap it up in plastic to extend its shelf life. Bless you Mr. Kraft. Stay tuned for individual states coming soon, in order of their admittance to the Union. Delaware, get ready to say cheese.

[kill-worthy]

Romanticizing Lord Byron

Lord Byron was the original Don Juan. Coincidentally, he also wrote a satirical poem about Don Juan. I suspect that it was because he felt a kinship with the Don Juan character and wanted to, "set the record straight" for all "sexually charged humans".

My discovery of Lord Byron came about because of my interest in gothic or "penny dreadful" tales. In a single youth-filled summer I read, Vampyre by John William Polidori, Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, Carmilla by Joseph Thomas Sheridan Le Fanu, and Dracula by Bram Stoker.

My copy of Vampyre came from a local thrift store. Inside the book was a folded printout (that I have since lost) of information akin to the following:

In June of 1816, an eclectic group gathered at the summer residence of famed poet Lord Byron in Lake Geneva, Switzerland. The group consisted of Byron’s mistress Jane Clairmont, her step-sister Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin, and the poet Percy Bysshe Shelley. They joined Byron and John Polidori, a doctor, who were already present, for a nice summer holiday. The weather was uncharacteristically bad, however, and, unable to enjoy outdoors activities, the group began reading German ghost stories. A crowd with such literary minds could not be constrained to simply read such stories, and a challenge was raised amongst the group to write their own supernatural tales. Clairmont and Shelley didn’t finish anything; Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin, eventually to become Mary Shelley, wrote Frankenstein. Lord Byron wrote a fragment known as Augustus Darvell. John Polidori produced the nightmarish short story The Vampyre. - skullsinthestars

It made me curious who this Lord Byron was. He was indirectly responsible for two pieces of literature that left an impression on me. Also, it could be argued that without the book Vampyre, neither Carmilla or Dracula would have been written.

I digress, after some research, I found that he was this gloriously eccentric, club-footed, damaged human being. His words bespoke romance, but the man behind it was all madness.

Apparently, I have a taste for madness.

He drank his wine from a human skull. He swam the Turkish Hellspont -- a four mile stretch of water now called the Dardanelles. His father went by the name "Mad Jack" and Byron liked to tell people that his father died by slitting his own throat. He had a coffin in his dining room. He used his ancestor's bones as flower pots and his daughter was the first computer programmer, Ada Lovelace.

While studying at Cambridge, Lord Byron learned that he could not have his dog Smut (yes, that was his dog's name) stay in his dorm. Infuriated with the Cambridge rule on canines, he acquired a bear and proceeded to walk it around campus. There was of course no rule against bears. He even tried to get the bear enrolled as a student.

In a letter, a friend wrote about time he spent with Byron;

Lord Byron gets up at two. I get up, quite contrary to my usual custom … at 12. After breakfast we sit talking till six. From six to eight we gallop through the pine forest which divide Ravenna from the sea; we then come home and dine, and sit up gossiping till six in the morning. I don’t suppose this will kill me in a week or fortnight, but I shall not try it longer. Lord B.’s establishment consists, besides servants, of ten horses, eight enormous dogs, three monkeys, five cats, an eagle, a crow, and a falcon; and all these, except the horses, walk about the house, which every now and then resounds with their unarbitrated quarrels, as if they were the masters of it… . [P.S.] I find that my enumeration of the animals in this Circean Palace was defective … . I have just met on the grand staircase five peacocks, two guinea hens, and an Egyptian crane. I wonder who all these animals were before they were changed into these shapes. - Wikipedia

I am not saying that I romanticize the poet. I just think he bucked at convention. I romanticize the idea that he built his own path, and perhaps, I believe we all could be a little more like him in that way. With a bit less human bones of course.

[depressedhangrybitch]

weird ascension of darius the great

have u ever heard of Darius the great. i  mean people who are passionate in middle east’s history might or probably do know about this king since he was the first Persian ruler who actually unified the what is now known as persian empire and under his rule it went onto great heights. he kinda reminds me of Julius creaser since their story is pretty much the same :- great majestic prime then died tragically.

anyways back to the topic, what really makes me laugh about his case is not his empire and his rule but the hilarious chain of events that led to him becoming king.

never heard about this...buckle up since this is going to be a hell of a ride.

the story starts with Cyrus the great

yes that Cyrus the first to ever write a human rights tablet. great ruler. salute to this man. he was actually a distant relative of Darius.

one day he dreamed of Darius with wings behind his back one wing shadowing Europe the other Asia. Cyrus fearing that Darius might be plotting against him send him away. though Cyrus's story ends tragically i dont really feel bad for him. he died at the hands of queen Tamarius. badass lady seriously dont mess with her as Cyrus learned the hard way. she cut off Cyrus's head after he killed her son and dipped his head in the pool of his own blood. i think the exact words she said were i always keep my word and    "Drink your fill of blood!. Badasssss i say with a capital B. well she had aright to be angry since Cyrus got her son slaughtered.

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED!!!!!

ANYWAY I ALWAYS GET A LITTLE TOO PASSIONATE IT SEEMS.

SO after Cyrus death, as the custom dictates his eldest son should inherit the throne the problem was Cyrus had 2 sons Cambyses and smerdis.

while Cambyses was the elder one he was also a short tempered spoiled  and paranoid man who had a habit of going into fits of rage and doing things he later regretted. in my opinion he was also an idiot.

there is actually a story of how when a close comrade of him told hm that he drank too much. and he was like ,”ok if i drank too much then i wouldn't be good at shooting a bow and then he had the comrade’s son stand against the wall and used him as a target board. he said that if he drank too much then he will PROBABLY miss the shot and then proceeded to shoot the comrades son in the heart IN FRONT OF THE COMRADE.

WHAT.    A.     DICK.

kinda like Joffrey from got.

smerdis was....

his brother?? he is not the focus here and is irrelevant.

so... FFUUUUUCCCKKK OFFFF SMERDIS!!!!!

ANYWAYS, he also had a weird mind considering he sometimes had very crazy plans that always ended in disaster.

case in point in his new years of crowning himself  he had this awesome (not) plan of invading Egypt by basically sending his army through Sahara desert. SENDING AN ARMY THROUGH SAHARA DESERT!!!! l

LIKE. DUDE. WTF. IS. WRONG. WITH. YOU.?

even today i think people have not fully travelled through Sahara desert through foot or on horses and camels imagine in that time.

understandably this ended in disaster as i think we still haven't found the lost army of king Cambyses as people have named this mystery.

though he did end up conquering Egypt during the reign of pharaoh phastmik 2?? i think the name is. but the first attempt and its consequence still remain a mystery. (probably)

So when he visited Egypt he took his brother with him because he had a dream of smerdis on a throne and his form  big enough to touch the heaven.

(i swear this family has weird dreams).

this nightmare made him fear that smerdis will usurp him in his absence so he ordered smerdis to come with him. now the most logical decision in these circumstances would be to go yourself and in order as to not have a power vacuum in your empire u leave a close family member to rule temporarily. but what this idiot dd? he took his brother with him and put a magician aka a complete stranger to rule in his absence.

i.  am. done.   with.   this.   guy.

soon his paranoia reached its limit and he had his brother assassinated.  througha trusted confidant of his - perxasspes. after the deed was done prexasspes returned to egypt to give his master the good news.

also fun fact i dont know where this comes in the story but the guy who assassinated smerdis, perxasspes his name was i think, his son was actually killed by Cambyses.

PLOT TWIST!!!!.

when Cambyses was to return to his Syria after a successful conquest of Egypt he received very surprising news considering the circumstances - in his absence his throne has been taken by..... SMERDIS?? yeah smerdis.

or is it??

continue if u want this mystery solved. HEHEHEH......MWAHAHAHAHAHA

Cambyses at first was confused by this recent development until someone reminded him that this must be a power grab by an opportunistic usurper.

i. am. honestly. loving.  this.  whole.  situation.  really. so.  far.

in his haste to reach his kingdom Cambyses accidentally  stabbed his thigh with his sword  while mounting his horse and died in Egypt. BUT BEFORE DYING HE INSTRUCTED HIS NOBLEMEN TO SEIZE HIS THRONE FROM THIS SMERDIS...

OR IS IT???

since he had no heirs the power vacuum that was created and the fuckup events following it are finally here so lets get STARTTTTEDDDD!!!!

the problem the Cambyses men faced was that this smerdis was an extremely popular king and majority of the population believed him to be real son of cyrus. yes this is fake smerdis. i really suck at keeping suspense *sigh*.

perxasspes the one who killed the real smerdis could have resolved this confusion but he kept his mouth shut most likely to keep himself innocent because no one is going to leave u alone if u admit that u killed a prince on his brothers orders. most likely this would have created a scandal. or because perxasses was sadist who enjoyed peoples suffering.

the smerdis on throne also kept himself in seclusion whenever possible and surrounded himself with people who never met the real smerdis so as to further protect his identity.

enter one nobleman named otanes, otanes had a sneaking suspicion as to who this imposter was. years ago during cyrus’s reign a man had his ears cut off. otanes believed that this man could be the imposter. but to find out if this was true was very difficult since the imposter king always had a turban on which hid his ears and thus he could not confirm if he had ears or lack there of. so otanes had his daughter who was part of imposter kings harem sneak up on him  while he was asleep and and check if he had ears.

NOOOOOO EARSSSS!!!!!

OTANES HAD HIS SUSPICIONS CONFIRMED. THE MAN ON THE THRONE IS NOT IN FACT THE REAL SMERDIS BUT A MAN ALSO NAMED SMERDIS.

HISTORY TWISTTTTTT!!!!!!

it gets worse btw.

turns out i the magician who was tasked to keep an eye on the empire had a brother whose name was smerdis and he  in the absence of cambyses and smerdis crowned his brother king. its awesome timing since the real smerdis had just been secretly murdered.

otanes now gathered a bunch of men to overthrow the false king and one of them happened to beeee.........

DARIUS!!!! our man is finally here.

it seems that darius had pieced the plot together himself and came to assist the noblemen in their rebellion.

meanwhile the fake smerdis and the magician were getting nervous because the rumors of their scheme were spreading and so to get control of their situation they enveloped perxasspes in their scheme to make a public formal announcement that the false smerdis is the real smerdis and that the real smerdis had not been killed but the weight of his lies and betrayals finally began to crumble upon the assassin. he decided that he will no longer follow the line filled with betrayals and falsehoods. he climbed on a tall building and openly denounced the false king and confessed in front of the astonished crowd that the smerdis sitting on the throne is indeed an imposter. he urged to those who were listening to him to rise up and destroy the false king and restore the true persian royal family line. then in a dramatic exit he jumped and fell to his death. he must have realized he was fucked any way so death seems like a better alternative.

back to otanes and his men, after storming the royal palace and killing the imposter and his magic bro. the noblemen took to the streets and explained the evil plot to their people and urged people to cut down any magi they see. by morning, almost every magi was slaughtered.

the people seem easily impressionable tbh.

after their successful rebellion the noblemen had to decide who will rule them. in order to decide who will be king they determined that they will mount their horse  and whoevers neighs first on the sunrise will be the king.

well at least there wasnt another war. that is a very effective yet childish way to do it.

according to one version of the story darius turned to his horse master obareus  for help who proceeded to help his master by rubbing his hand on one of darius horse’s favourite mare’s vulva and then just before sunrise bought it close to darius’s horse nose which caused the horse to immediately snort and whinny.

ughhhhh so disgusting!!!

and thats how my friends darius the great became the ruler of persian empire after a chain of hilarious clusterfuck of events.

well his intelligent reflects from his actions. piecing together a conspiracy theory from abroad which turned out to be accurate is pretty sherlock holmes stuff.

darius my pal hope u are proud of yourself. u really left a mark on history and ur legacy.

[shadow0-1]

Hahah it's definitely for the money but I'm certain that the devs are aware how popular these two are, together especially so it wouldn't surprise me if they're taking that advantage because they know people will spend money on them.

One of the narrative directors has even tweeted about them on Valentine's day.

I don't think they could have predicted the boom in popularity, but it's definitely safe to say they've taken notice. I wouldn't hold my breath for Activision/Infinity Ward to do anything beyond milking Ghost and Soap for all they're worth

[batshit-auspol]

Australian Federal Election 2001: Pranksters follow around Prime Ministerial contender Kim Beazley in an attempt to sneak fake microphones into news footage

Follow for more Batshit Moments in Australian Politics

[historyprofessorquotes]

"It's a bit like a gender reveal party."

-Professor Boldt on choosing the Pope

[freshwaterbear]

visit the wiki page for wave (audience) for more fun facts!

[ciderbird]

academic bias is so funny because you’ll be reading about the same historical event and one person is like “Despite the troubles that befell his homeland and near constant criticism of the court King Blorbo remained strong in the face of adversity” and the other one is like “after letting his people carry the brunt of his cringefail decisions Blorbo the Shitface refused to listen to any reason and continued to be a warmongering piece of shit. Also he was ugly.”

[foolsocracy]

identity reveals are always fun

[rachel-sylvan-author]

"How to Survive History: How to Outrun a Tyrannosaurus, Escape Pompeii, Get Off the Titanic, and Survive the Rest of History's Deadliest Catastrophes" by Cody Cassidy

Guys!! I read "The Nature of Fragile Things" about the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake two days ago, recommended it yesterday. I read this yesterday to recommend today and!! It teaches how to survive the 1906 earthquake! Yay book corroboration! 😊 It's so random but it made me super happy and I hope it makes you happy too!!

Thank you @readingbeagle for recommending this! It was fun! ❤️

[tinkerbitch69]

Today I learned that one of the earliest experimental pressure cookers was invented by Denis Papin in 1675, who referred to the device as a ‘New Digester of Bones.’

I propose we bring this name back.

Source: London & The 17th Century: The Making of The World’s Greatest City (2023) by Margarette Lincoln, p.258