#Functional Programming Languages
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yknow, lambda calculus is something that, since i've found out about it, i wish i could actually wrap my head around, but try as i might i just can't quite fully understand using it
#my post#like. i've used functional programming languages like racket and haskell#it's not the functional part that confuses me#i just think lambda calculus is a little too abstract for me to easily be able to reason with i guess
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so ive been to london for the (kindof) very first time as a conscious human being and man it is like. i can’t articulate all the feelings ive been having but its making me REALLY emo because Wow heres a city that seemingly works!
#🦆#like ive traveled to a fair share of places#all of them europe so. its just. jesus#i get why my father as a sad kid living in a communist country would spend literally months on end there working shit jobs#ive been spoonfed the english language basically since i was a toddler and putting it to use was fun#and how is the architecture not fuckign. cube and graffiti type Penis#im not kidding ive learned more on this 4 day trip abt art than#during 4 years in highschool#WHATEVER im so MAD because the reason it’s allowed to prosper is 99% colonialism and it makes me want to rip my skin off because HOW is this#city so. everything. ive never been to nyc but is this how it feels? like the world is so small and so large at the same time#they can just do everything there. make all kinds of shit possible. create functional public transport#especially re: warsaw its soooo fucking funny but also not like its made me feel even worse for her#or maybe like. even more frustrated#because wow we are like so ass#eye twitching. how can you just fucking not utilize the river that YOU ARE PROGRAMMED TO LIVE IN PROXIMITY OF#and its so fucking ugly guyssssss i know we can jerk off to soviet blocks all we want but its a copeeeee its such a fucking cope#like come on how is it possible for random ass town from the prussian partition number 73638468 to STILL be prettier than the fucking#CAPITAL.#how after all these years this city is still a corpse that people just pile the most vomit inducing urban architecture#upon#we cant have anythingggggggg if you want to ser pre war architecture in warsaw you can maybe admire a beautiful modernist cube with shrapnel#holes the size of your fists#everything else that has been reduced to gravel in ww2 is currently making up a very nice park in a different part of town#and whats even the point of building something else if were just gonna get bombed again but this time crazy TWIST its the russians and#another reset for wwa#i’ll probably delete this in the morning srry just had to indulge in a bit of doomerism on a friday evening
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reading about the history of computer science is very fun for having thoughts about the technology of the game's setting (which i assume must exist in the same level to one extent or another outside of krat, even if puppets are a monopoly of krat's. i mean, geppetto is not even from krat and he's been established to be a genius inventor even before he came there and invented puppets)
do you think puppets are programmed through some form of punched card on a real version of the analytical engine. do you think ada lovelace existed in this world or that she at least had an equivalent.
#yes there's ergo but that's like. their dubiously sourced battery. i'm talking about the things they are programmed to do as machines#i think they are connected but still separate enough that one could alter one without affecting the other's functionality#lies of p#ok i will admit in my head a puppet's '''cpu''' kind of looks like the cube.#with the idea being that the groves on it acting as a programming language (and conceptually that could resemble a brain's wrinkles?)#and the ergo is like. a wishstone. it's in there. making the whole thing work as the ''cube'' is programmed to. but separate pieces#this is not a theory or anything with any real basis on something it's just an image that my brain conjured up and it stuck.#that said: i hope they have a mini-loom that reads punchcards in them <3
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Okay I think I like raspberry pi. I think I like micro bit powered robots. It’s so much easier to learn how to make computers do bullshit things when I have a goal for an adorable tiny computer who is trying his best.
Also it’s really easy to win over staff on a technology when it is objectively adorable.
#programming#work stuff#I took one formal programming class and found it miserable#but so much of my job is using the crumbs of my computer knowledge for maximum flare#i can pretend to program in three functional languages and one Java based script language#I can hack out decent visuals from a good chunk of the Adobe suite#I do not know what I’m doing but the average person knows even less#jack of all trades
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Stuff like these are what makes me both love and hate Haskell
#haskell#programming#what other language makes list of functions a viable solution#I also should've named it foldl1 foldl2 foldl3 etc. But appending ' is funnier
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Very amused every time someone discovers the ultimate way to do OOP in its truest, most polymorphic, most object-oriented form and its just immutable classes with public instance variables and no methods and no inheritance being transformed through singleton classes with no instance variables and one side-effect-free method, potentially taking a function as a parameter or returning another single method class. Brother you just reinvented functional programming.
#codeblr#progblr#object oriented programming#OOP#functional programming#Algebraic data types. Pure functions. Higher order functions. Closures. The gangs all here#And then whenever you tell them that what they did. they say its like functional programming but different because its polymorphic#Literally had a conniption when robert martin said he discovered clojure was actually an oop language because#it was better at polymorphism than java#This is without knowing the subtype polymorphic features in clojure
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Introduction to Functions with RTL Code Example in Verilog and VHDL with...
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very unconventional way to convey your despair, creator of w3school's c language learning page
#c code#c language#programming#progblr#extremely new to this#no shit sherlock? youre learning the switch thing you dont even know how to use functions
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Hobbies to try in your 20s



Explore art:
Tap into your creative side with painting, drawing, or sculpting. Art is not only therapeutic but also a fantastic way to express yourself and even decorate your space.
Reading:
Join a book club or set a personal reading challenge. From classic literature to modern thrillers, reading can expand your horizons and provide endless inspiration.
Get into gardening:
Whether you have a big backyard or just a small apartment balcony, gardening can be a relaxing and fulfilling hobby.Grow your own herbs, flowers, or vegetables!
Experiment with cooking:
Take on new recipes and cooking techniques. From baking bread to mastering the art of sushi, cooking can be both a practical skill and a creative outlet.
Try photography:
Capture the beauty around you and tell your story through the lens. Experiment with different styles, like portrait or landscape photography, and maybe even start a photo blog.
Practice yoga or meditation:
Incorporate mindfulness into your routine to reduce stress and enhance your overall well-being.
Learn to code:
Dive into the world of programming and build your own apps or websites. Coding is a valuable skill that can open up career opportunities and enhance your problem-solving abilities.
Challenge yourself with puzzles:
Engage your brain with jigsaw puzzles, crosswords, or brain teasers. It's a great way to relax and keep your mind sharp.
Try acting or improv:
Step out of your comfort zone and explore your theatrical side. Acting classes or improv groups can boost your confidence and creativity.
Travel and explore:
If possible, travel to new places, even if it's just a nearby town.Experiencing new cultures and environments can broaden your perspective and inspire new passions.
Try pottery:
Get your hands dirty and create beautiful, functional pieces with pottery. It's a relaxing and creative way to express yourself, and you'll end up with unique, handmade items.
Play games:
Board games,video games, or strategy games can be a great way to unwind and bond with friends.
Learn a new language:
Expand your horizons by learning a new language.It opens up opportunities for travel, cultural exchange, and even new career prospects. Plus, it's a fun and challenging way to keep your brain active.
Start a YouTube Channel or blog:
Share your passions, knowledge, or daily life through videos or written content. It's a creative outlet and a way to connect with like-minded individuals.
#aesthetic#glow up#glow up tips#it girl#study aesthetic#study blog#study inspiration#study motivation#that girl#study#that girl aesthetic#that girl moodboard#that girl outfit#becoming that girl#it girl aesthetic#it girl guide#glow up journey#glow up guide#glow up hacks#hobbies#pink pilates princess#n1pptips#studyblr#self love#self care#self improvement#becoming her#coquette aesthetic#coquette#wellnes girl
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Teach Sector
Teach Sector is an online platform that provides a range of the best online courses. We provides The Best Programming Language which is Master D programming language or DLang for Python programmers.
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after meaning to get around to it for years i finally listened to almost the entirety of Sold a Story and it is as groundbreaking as everyone says it is. it's also the most confusing, to me, single event in American culture in my lifetime and my reasons for thinking that are pretty complex so im not sure theyre fully formed yet. there's a list of shit in this podcast that made me feel like i was going insane
i KNEW something was going on at a population level, i've been noticing it for years, people kept telling me i was imagining things, but i was RIGHT, two generations of kids have been reduced to barely-literate levels of language function because of this shit and you CAN see it and hear it while talking to people in the world!
the entire adoption of the Calkins programs in the first place were based on the majority of people responsible for American child education deciding basically overnight that "children don't need to learn phonics in order to become strong readers" which is literally and not figuratively equivalent to saying "children can learn algebra without learning what numbers are". it is so self-evidently false i dont even know how to respond to such an assertion. you have to be fundamentally devoid of common sense to think this is true. language is comprised of sounds (phonemes), sounds are represented by letters, letters make up the alphabet, the alphabet makes up words, and words make up sentences. you cant just skip over the parts of this you dont like, it's the basis of our entire civilization. "i dont need to learn individual notes i just want to play to saxophone" okay well. too bad? you cant
american primary education apparently has no communication whatsoever with the scientific fields of human behaviorism, pediatrics, neurology, linguistics, the science of learning generally, and there is next to zero communication between teachers who are actively responsible for educating children and the entire research field of educating children. they just dont talk to each other, at least in huge swaths of the country. in retrospect this is obvious, i just have been assuming incorrectly this entire time that maybe, surely, some aspect of how our public schools are administered is in some way being guided by scientific evidence and research. this has apparently not been the case for 20+ years. Lucy Calkins herself claims she "didn't know" that the research on how children acquire language had been essentially settled by the 1990s, she just wrote her stupid book based on her own self-assurance that what she THOUGHT children were doing when they learned language was correct. she ddin't check, she didnt ask about research or studies, she didn't test her hypothesis, she just told everyone she had figured out how to teach kids to read based on nothing but her own untested assumptions. and everyone was like "okay sounds good". every single person involved in this process is or was in a position of responsibility for educating american children. and almost none of them thought to ask "okay, but have you tested it? does it work?" because they didn't test it, and it doesnt work, and for some reason that was never even brought up
teachers kept being interviewed on this podcast who kept saying things like: "they never taught us how to teach children to read" and "they didn't teach us how children learn so i had no idea how it worked" and then explaining this was why they were so easily hoodwinked by the Calkins program. i don't understand this. what is actually taught during the two year degree programs at teaching colleges? if it's not child psychology, pedagogy, neurology, and actual techniques for teaching children, what are they teaching you to do there? one of my friends who went to a teaching college told me they mostly provided classes on lesson planning.
individual teachers apparently are not reading books or articles or papers on any of these subjects either. so having graduated from a teaching college knowing nothing about children, teaching, or even basic english literacy ("i didn't know how to teach phonics and no one told me" is another thing actual teachers kept saying on the podcast. girl, SESAME STREET can teach basic english phonics, and it does), almost none of them actually do any investigation on their own. they just show up to their workplace (the school) and "teach" whatever admin hands them. ?????????????? how is this possible?
i realized last night in a fugue of post-exertional malaise that the three-cueing method of teaching reading is training children to approach language very similarly to how a large language model does it. they laboriously instruct the children to guess what the next word in a sentence will be, often by actually covering the word with a post-it note and then cajoling and badgering the child until he guesses the word under the post-it, based on the vibes on the sentence he's reading. this doesnt teach you to read, it teaches you to act like youre reading
this isnt directly addressed in the podcast but we used to just teach everyone english like it was an actual system that has parts and rules and structures, because that's what a language is. everyone would start with phonics and the alphabet, then later do stuff like sentence diagramming and grammar, neither of which have been taught in primary schools in decades. i think i was probably the very last generation of kids to get ANY of that stuff unless they went to an exceptional school, and it was only because my 8th grade teacher knew it was important and went against school admin's instructions in order to teach it. the couple days of sentence diagramming and grammar he gave us, out of SPITE, have been more useful to me in reading and writing than the entire rest of primary english education i received in public school, and i didn't even go to a school that had adopted three-cueing stuff yet.
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were it only for the mask with which you gratified us. We affirm you, method! We don’t forget that yesterday you glorified each one of our ages. We have faith in the poison. We know how to give our whole lives every day.
quand ce ne serait que pour le masque dont tu as gratifié. Nous t'affirmons, méthode ! Nous n'oublions pas que tu as glorifié hier chacun de nos âges. Nous avons foi au poison. Nous savons donner notre vie tout entière tous les jours.
#beautiful bit of rimbaud#i like the english just as much as the original french#translating poetry is such a crazy job#i need to watch the film about translating tarjei vesaas but i keep putting it off bc i know it's going to leave a weight on my heart#i kinda want to learn norewegian so i can read the ice palace in its original language#i wouldn't consider this except norwegian is supposed to be so easy to learn for english speakers#and then i could read that novel of his that has never been translated instead of constantly complaining that it lives out of my reach#i refuse to get some current year program to teach me though i've gotta find an oldschool textbook#and just start from the beginning of the manual and do the homework exercises#i feel any online learning thing will not only cost money but will focus on functional everyday speaking in the current year#and i want to read literature i want the language to grow up throughout me i want to know the poetry of its bones#rimbaud#yes
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The syntax is like that of Lisp or Scheme, consisting of parenthesized lists. Keywords are in Arabic (specifically, Lebanese Arabic)[2] and program text is laid out right-to-left, like all Arabic text. The language provides a minimal set of primitives for defining functions, conditionals, looping, list manipulation, and basic arithmetic expressions. It is Turing-complete, and the Fibonacci sequence and Conway's Game of Life have been implemented. Because program text is written in Arabic and the connecting strokes between characters in the Arabic script can be extended to any length, it is possible to align the source code in artistic patterns, in the tradition of Arabic calligraphy.
shit that's cool. it should throw a syntax error if your calligraphy isn't sufficiently ornate.
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Odds of Survival part 9
Jazz has an itty bitty teeny weeny severe mental breakdown.
Credit once more to @keferon for starting this au.
———————————————————————
Jazz never thought he’d find himself deeply empathizing with the xenomorph from Alien, but here he was.
Doing freak shit.
A lone lifeform trapped on a spaceship with no idea how their technology works, no means of escape and no way to sustain themselves. Skittering across the ceiling and one wrong move away from murdering someone on contact.
Plus, I pop out of my mecha like an actual motherfucking chest burster. So I’m sure that’ll go over GREAT.
The parallels were compounding into existential crisis territory.
It got way too fucking close handling that checkup with the medic. Trying to keep his cool felt like he was trapped in an hours long quick time event. Every question had to be snap judged for the safest possible answer. Completely make shit up and risk getting caught in the act, don’t give away any information and they’ll know you’re hiding something.
Jazz juggled that damn Catch 22 like a professional. Thank you.
Case in point, while one of his mechas arms was still non functional, Jazz managed to maneuver his actual arm inside the cabin to grope around for some water to chug. Without disconnecting from the mecha.
That particular stunt felt like splitting his brain in half with a splintery wedge. The water was absolutely necessary, but the pressure inside his skull rang like an air horn zip-tied open.
Right now the only coherent thought he could form was the overwhelming animal desire to find a dark hidden hole and crawl up inside it. Then repeat that motion by disconnecting from his mecha, finding the most secure hiding spot inside that, and passing out for oh just a quick little 24 to 36 hours.
The pilot paused. Down the hall, mechas- giant alien robots- had noticed his disappearance. Even through the language barrier, Jazz would recognize the opening lyrics to his personal theme song anywhere: “Oh fuck where’d he go?”
Hidden behind rows of pipes, Jazz counted his inhalations until the thuds of metal feet passed him by.
Was the alien invader from The Thing scared? If it had finished building its spaceship would the Thing really have tried to take over the world? Or was it just desperate to go home?
Jazz was panting. Or maybe hyperventilating. He made a conscious effort to pull air through his grit teeth at an even flow. Even though he couldn’t actively feel his human body, the dull droning dread pressed through the disconnect to whisper “You’re running out of time.”
He didn’t know how long he had left before his stupid flesh sack would start giving out, but he needed to be somewhere safe when it happened. He’d make it. He’d make it because he had to to make it. He was the best goddamn pilot in the entire program and that was for one reason and one reason alone: Failure Was Not A Motherfucking Option.
If his options were do it the hard way or not at all, then the hard way was what the world got.
Once the guards passed, Jazz slunk along the wall, reaching upside down to fry another security pad, only for the door to open automatically.
Risking it, Jazz peaked into the room and not seeing or hearing anyone, slipped inside.
Once the door slid shut behind him, Jazz lowered himself to the ground one handed, scanning the room more thoroughly.
More screens, inactive. A chair and a couch. Miscellaneous wall kibbling, a table, cabinets. Windows.
Jazz gasped.
Glowing clouds of light, layered like sheets stretching into infinity. Star clusters like paint splatters on black velvet.
White and amber. A haze of something pink.
Unconsciously, Jazz moved towards the window, until he could lightly tap his visor against the glass. His field of view consumed by galaxies.
Back when they first launched him into space, Jazz had come to terms with the let down that all he’d get to see was a black slate and maybe a couple dots. The space station didn’t have many windows to start with, and all his space walks took place when the sun was “out”, so Jazz never really got to see as much of the Milky Way as his inner child hoped.
Now, the child was quiet. Face pressed against the glass, Jazz felt his throat closing up.
At least I got this. Even if I’ve got a half life, I got to see the stars the way they were meant to be.
He hovered. Wanting to find a song to match this moment, but couldn’t find anything more fitting than his own breathing. The rush of blood in his ears was still loud, but a white noise that could substitute for silence.
Like a marble rolling off a table, Jazz felt his stomach drop a moment before his conscious mind could follow.
“It’s wonderful isn’t it?”
Jazz had his arm cocked back to turn the poor fuckers face into a plate but locked himself mid swing at the last second. The mech had lifted a tablet to protect himself, and the move was such a Bullied Nerd cliche it stopped Jazz cold.
Now that his heart rate was breaking highway speed limits again, the angry radio static that was his racing thoughts drowned out any coherent thoughts of what to say.
The mech peeked out from behind the tablet and wow. That’s a guy. That’s just a straight up dude. Prowl and Elita were bulky enough that Jazz could at least imagine where a pilot could sit. But this guy? He looked like the only thing he could throw out was his back. Jazz didn’t even know “elderly twink” was a look possible for a giant robot.
Mystery Codger was staring at him. Jazz still had a fist raised.
Do something say something do something say something you fucked up you fucked up either kill him or start lying just do anything brain please.
“Could you help me find my glasses?”
Jazz faltered. “Wu- What?”
The mech uncurled from his brief defensive huddle. “My glasses? Spectacles? Ah, object-sight-improve-positive?”
The pistons in his arm faintly hissed as the tension released.
Maybe-
As if this was all normal, the mech gently set the tablet on the table, before squatting and squinting at the floor.
Maybe I just have actual brain damage.
Acting on mental autopilot, Jazz took the opening to behave like a normal person. Crouching and scanning the floor for giant alien robot spectacles.
“My name is Rung by the way. I actually don’t think we’ve met previously.” Rung said that last bit with an odd inflection Jazz didn’t have the brain power to think about.
“Jazz. We definitely haven’t met.” He couldn’t quite keep the exhaustion from making that last bit come out snippy.
Rung simply hummed and continued his search. For his part, Jazz was taking the moment to center himself, preparing the best mask he could on short notice.
How long could he keep faking it? Prowl had been with him since he woke up and he didn’t show any signs of needing to sleep. They had doctors. Prowl cared enough about his “health” to take him to one. If Jazz collapsed in front of anyone, they’d drag his sorry ass back to the medbay and it’d be game over. He couldn’t just ask for a place to crash or else he ran the risk of tipping them off he wasn’t one of them if they really didn’t sleep.
A faint tapping sound made him twitch in his stupor.
“Now where could the blasted thing have gone.” Rung was sat crossed legged on the ground.
With Jazz. Who’d vaguely crumbled into a kneeling ball under a table.
Jazz stared at Rung tapping his glasses against his chin. The orange mech made eye contact, and Jazz swore to god he caught him smile.
He reached out a hand, pointing, “Found ‘em.”
The smile came to fruition. Rung aha-ed and held his glasses before himself, inspecting them fondly.
“All that trouble for such a small problem. And all I needed was to ask for help.”
Jazz let himself sag slightly against the wall. Dully thudding the back of his head. “Okay. I’ll cop that was a good trick.”
“It did pull you out of your spiral didn’t it?” Rung said sounding way too smug. He pulled a cloth out from where-ever-the-fuck and cleaned his glasses with it.
He’d been seeing these mechs pull out and disappear objects all day like a bunch of Looney Toons characters. That kind of lapse in logic didn’t bode well for Jazz’s mental condition.
He let his eyes close, rationing his remaining focus.
“How’d you know that’d work?” He mumbled.
“You seemed afraid. You stalled out when you saw I was afraid.” Rung simply stated before he then asked rhetorically, “You’re a protector aren’t you?”
Jazz made a noncommittal sound. Lying was his first impulse, but he really didn’t feel like giving this guy more material to hook him with.
The mech laughed once anyways, “You are. Unorthodox too. I can see why you have such a hold over Prowl.”
That got his attention, “I do?”
“Oh yes.” He heard Rung shift into a more comfortable position on the floor. “Even if he can’t recognize the feeling anymore, I think you give him hope.”
Jazz wanted to laugh and he would if he had the energy.
Instead Jazz sighed. “I’m kinda at rock bottom right now man. And currently? Lil bit fresh outta hope myself.”
And ideas.
Jazz was of the opinion that any problem was solvable if you were willing to get crazy enough, but this was like trying to solve treading water a million miles from shore with only sharks for company. He either drown slowly or get torn apart the moment the sharks realized he was there.
“Hopeless mechs don’t stop to stare at the stars in wonder, Jazz.” When he opened his eyes, Jazz saw Rung staring him down like he was insulted. “To be hopeless is to let yourself die. Do you intend to die today?”
“No.” He challenged back, body minutely tensing.
“Are you willing to do absolutely anything to keep living?” Rung poked him in the chest.
“Yes.” He responded just as quickly, but there was a rasp to his voice. Something small and quiet. Not easily caught. Not easily killed.
“Even ask for help?” Rung quirked his head at him, shit eating grin growing by the second.
Jazz deflated, groaning loud enough for his mecha’s speakers to vibrate his bones.
“Look, I appreciate the therapy session doc, but asking for help is legitimately not an option for me right now.”
Rung leaned forward, resting his chin on a servo, “Alright then. List your current alternative options that you alone can accomplish, devoid of any assistance whatsoever.”
Jazz didn’t respond.
The silence continued to linger.
“Go on.” Rung gestured.
Cornered, Jazz could feel his horns pin back and a burning sensation in his eyes. He rubbed a hand over his visor even though it didn’t actually help.
“Where’s Prowl?”
Rung chuckled, victorious. The scrawny orange mech scooted out from under the table and stood, offering a servo to Jazz to do the same.
The brief rest left Jazz jelly limbed, which was evidently bad enough to translate to a faint tremble in his mecha. Despite that, Jazz didn’t take Rungs hand because there’s no way in hell that guy could support him if he fell. Elita’s threat over harming her crew was still fresh and shiny in his mind.
“You’ll find his office down that way.” Rung pointed out the direction. “Down the hall, turn left at the first junction, pass by two more doors, turn right at that junction and then keep walking until you reach the end of the hall. His office isn’t labeled but I don’t think that’ll be an issue.”
Rung opened the door and then took a seat in the chair next to the couch. “I’d offer to have Prowl come to meet you here, but I have another appointment coming up shortly.”
Oh uh. He actually is a therapist.
Jazz laughed humorlessly, “Why not invite them to join the party? Make it a group session.”
Avoiding eye contact, Rung fiddled with a stylus, “Ah, that would not do I’m afraid. My next patient recently figured out how to “bite” people by quickly jabbing his helm forward and I’d rather that not be your first encounter with him.”
“Ah. Gotcha.” Jazz simply nodded numbly.
He paused at the doorway, running the directions through his head again, before turning back slightly. “Hey Rung? Thanks.”
“It’s Rung, and you’re… welcome?” The mech trailed off, looking at Jazz with surprise as the door slid shut behind him.
Walking away, Jazz got about thirty feet before realizing he couldn’t turn his head too quickly or else he’d start seeing double. Feeling the countdown drop into double digits, Jazz hurried along Rungs path.
And nearly crashed into another mech.
It had a head like an old school security camera, a single yellow camera lense cycling down to a pinprick at his appearance. The chassis was crazy long and pointed. Out of habit, Jazz tried mapping out what the interior would look like. The pilot seat would need to be horizontal but it was pretty doable. The limbs were definitely on the skinny side but sharp and fast looking. Bonus points for what was definitely front mounted guns.
All in all, solid design. 7/10.
“Hey.” The mech rasped.
Oh fuck right, Alien.
“Sup.” Jazz replied eloquently.
The camera lense eye loosed, upgrading to a coin sized pupil and clearly looking him over.
“Empurata?” The mech said casually pointing to his legs and visor.
“Uh, sure.” Jazz shrugged.
“Same.” Nodded camera-head.
“Cool.”
The two of them awkwardly stood in the hall. Camera-head seemed content to block traffic and Jazz was mentally banging rocks together in hopes of getting a spark of intelligent thought.
“Can I peel off your visor with a knife?”
The mech held a dagger pinched between its crab claws and Jazz had to bite his tongue not to ask why it didn’t just use those.
Instead, the brain rocks came through.
“Rung lost his glasses.” Jazz threw up a thumb, gesturing over his shoulder. “Needs help. Now.”
Good job brain rocks.
“What? He does?” The mechs head popped up like some kind of fucked up goose, before shoving past Jazz, knocking him into the wall.
“HOLD ON DOC I’M COMING!”
The mech folded inside out into a mother fucking helicopter?! Charging down the hall in a whirlwind so strong Jazz could feel it through his mecha.
Jazz counted to five, and crawled back up into the safety of the ceiling pipes.
He blinks, and he’s staring down another hall. Left turn, two doors, right turn. . . Wait. Was that a right or left he just did? He’s upside down so everything should be reversed right?
He doesn’t remember blinking but the hall is at a different angle. New hall? Or did he just turn his head?
Jazz wants to press the heels of his palms into his eyes until everything holds still but he can’t. So he keeps moving. Keeps hiding.
And then he sees the most beautiful goddamn mech in the universe marching down the hall. Followed by half a dozen substantially less impressive mechs with guns drawn.
Stilling, Jazz remained hidden behind the pipes. Evidently alien robots had the same peripheral blindness to ceilings that human security guards did, as none of them noticed him.
Except for Prowl.
Through the gaps, Jazz watched as Prowl gave rapid fire orders to the armed soldiers behind him. Six mechs. Six guns. Three too many for Jazz to take in his current state. Prowl went silent and his wings twitched. Shivering, Jazz got the deeply uncanny sense he was being intimately observed.
The lights were ringing in a tinnitus B flat. He had the audio feed from his mecha dialed way too high but he couldn’t afford to miss any detail of what would happen next.
Whatever Prowl was said next, it must have been in his native language. Which Jazz found deeply unfair after all the work he’d put into learning Common.
The black and white mech turned to his cohort, waving them down the hall ahead of them. Prowl did not follow, wings still minutely shifting position. Once they were out of sight, Prowl turned on his heel back the way he came. Flicking a single piercing look to Jazz.
Silently. Shakily. Jazz skulked along the shadows after him.
He mental map was fucked. Every time he blinked, Jazz lost track of the most recent few seconds of his life. If Prowl wasn’t stopping every fifty feet to not-so-subtly check that Jazz was still following him, the human didn’t know where he’d end up.
Finally, Prowl reached a door at the end of a hall and entered without any delay. Jazz dropped, moving inside before the door could close again.
“Please don’t freak out.” Jazz cut him off before Prowl could set the tone of this conversation. The mech closed his mouth and after a moment’s consideration, assumed a tense but mostly neutral stance.
“I will not ‘freak out’.” Prowl looked like wanted to say more, but Jazz couldn’t afford that right now.
“Awesome! Because right now I’m freaking out and I won’t be able to keep it together if you start freaking out too.” He was pacing back and forth, not really seeing the mech beside him anymore.
“Jazz.” A servo caught his elbow, stopping him in place. “Where have you been?”
“Oh you know. Here. There. Ceiling mostly. Shockingly unrelated, but I think a talking helicopter wants to wear my face as a hat.” Jazz nodded way too enthusiastically in a manner he hoped translated into an appropriately manic “Please god help me.” grit toothed grin.
Prowl was momentarily speechless before physically shaking off the latest deluge of confusion, “That sounds like Whirl. You would not have encountered them had you stayed in the med bay like you were supposed to. Now I’m asking you again: What are you doing and why are you doing it?”
Audibly cracking, Jazz tried to answer honestly but found his voice locked up. He couldn’t, why couldn’t he..? Why was talking suddenly so fucking hard?
Meanwhile, Prowl just looked defeated. He rubbed that spot between his eyes, not yet letting him go.
“If you cannot provide a reasonable explanation for your sudden shift in behavior, I will have to assume the worst. You leave me no choice but to-“
“I’M REALLY SHORT.” Great. Fantastic. Incredible work brain. Take five.
Prowls optics flickered. Brow furrowing as he looked up at Jazz’s clearly taller mecha.
“That’s not- I mean-.” Jazz clasped his head in his hands, switching back to English. “{I- I- don’t know if this is even real.}”
Something was gripping his arms. Black and white appeared in his vision. “Jazz, please. I can’t help you if I don’t understand what’s happening.”
Common was easy to learn but right now it felt like Jazz was playing Scrabble with a bad hand.
“Prowl, where do you go when you- when you change-body-shape?” He had to stop to breath midway.
Please, please, please this is the last chance for anything to make sense.
But instead the mech slowly shook his head in disbelief, “Where do I..? Nowhere Jazz, it’s still me, I’m not ‘going’ anywhere. My alt form is not a different person.”
The mech gently pulled Jazz’s hands off his head from where he’d been stressing the damage from earlier. “I understand if you’ve never seen an alt mode before but your behavior, your questions, they’re not making any sense.”
Prowl stopped. Optics going wide as placed his servos on Jazz’s wrists. “Jazz are you Crashing?!”
“What? What is that what you call a mental breakdown? Cause yeah I’m having one of those.” He said a little too breathlessly.
“Sit-“ Prowl pulled him down to the floor. “Sit down. I’m calling for a medic.”
“No!” Desperately, Jazz grabbed onto Prowl who was helpless but to join him on the floor. The floodgates opened and Jazz couldn’t stop.
“No no no no, please god no. They’re gonna find out. I need to to tell you. I need to tell you myself. Just, please I’m begging you don’t do it. Give me a chance. Just give me a chance to explain, I don’t want to wake up on a table, please Prowler.”
For his part, Prowl was handling the situation as well as to be expected. He didn’t try to leave again but did get into a more comfortable kneeling position next to the panicking mecha.
“Alright. Alright, I won’t leave. Speak.”
Jazz tried tapping an alternating rhythm on the floor, giving himself literally anything else to focus on. He swallowed back bile and his thrashing fight or flight instincts.
“I’m not-“ Jazz grit his teeth. Telling the truth felt like trying to pop a dislocation back into place. Actually no. Jazz had done that before and it had felt infinitely less unnatural than what he was trying to do now.
Prowl was patient. Bless his heart, motor, whatever he’s got in there. Remaining silent beside him.
The pilot forced himself to take complete breaths, “l. Am not. The same. As you.” One, one two, one two, one two, Jazz counted in time.
“I noticed.” Prowl stated flatly, then softening his expression, “You hadn’t realized you were an alien until now, didn’t you?”
Jazz laughed a little too hysterically, “No, no I Fraggin’ did not. Please don’t freak out.”
“Jazz, you are hardly the first alien species I’ve ever encountered. At least you actually look like a person.”
The pilot got very, very quiet.
“Prowl, what do you think of organics.” Resolutely, Jazz stared down the floor panels, refusing to look anywhere else.
Momentarily, Prowl opened his mouth to speak and shut it again. He shifted to kneel in front of Jazz. Sharp optics darting across his frame. Lightly, Jazz could feel him trace something along his undamaged shoulder. He shivered against his will.
“Jazz.” Prowl got down to where he had to look at him. He spoke so, so softly, “Were you created by organics?”
Well, when a mommy human and a daddy human love each other very much…
“You could say that.” Jazz rasped instead.
He hadn’t even moved, but the energy in the air just went burning cold. Prowl went from soft to deathly serious so fast Jazz visibly flinched.
“Listen to me. You do not have to go back. You do not ever have to go back. I swear on everything I stand for I will not let another one of those things anywhere near you again.” Unintentionally, Prowl was crowding into his space.
Despite himself, Jazz just kept drawing himself in smaller and smaller as Prowl closed in.
“No no no no you don’t get it, that’s not what I meant. That’s not what I am!” He started quiet and steadily grew in volume.
Prowl wasn’t getting it. Instead, raising his voice to match, “No you are wrong! You have a choice now! You aren’t just your function and you aren’t just something they made to die!”
He grabbed Prowl by the shoulders, shaking him, “I DID CHOSE THIS. I KNOW I’M GONNA DIE, BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M FUCKING TALKING ABOUT.”
“Then what ARE you talking about?!” He shouted back.
“I’M ONE OF THEM.” His microphone peaked, and his voice broke.
The quiet hurt. Anything that wasn’t numb hurt. He gulped down air and couldn’t keep more than one eyelid up at a time.
Prowl ground his jaw tightly, practically steaming from reeling back a sense of calm by force, “You are not shorter than me. You are not thinking straight. And You. Are not. An organic.”
Jazz only semi involuntarily rolled his eyes.
“Fuck it.”
He disconnected, and everything hit at once.
Vision went and came back out of focus and way too close. His ears were ringing too badly to hear the sound of his mecha’s chest plates opening, though he knew that they were.
Every fiber of muscle in his body was torn and screaming, he’d throw up later if he had the strength. Jazz did not so much stand as he did lift off the pilot seat and then buckle forward. The hard shell of his pilot suit saved his knee from getting gouged by the corner of the platform he was slipping off of.
That’s fine. He’d land on the steps.
Except, his mecha had been leaning forward hadn’t it?
Like a rag doll, over the edge he went. A huge and blurry and black shape rushing to meet him.
———————————————————————
Is Jazz capable of telling the truth when it’s to save his life? No.
Will he do it out of spite just to prove someone wrong? Yes.
Also, secret props to @somerandomcockroach for showing how fun Rung is to write.
Bonus bit, Prowl finally let his EM field loose far enough for Jazz to notice! It was bad.
-SSTP
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excel is a relational database and a functional programming language

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Like a Doll
Bottom!FTM Scaramouche x Top!Monster-Hybrid!M Reader
☆ Word Count: 1,872 ☆
AFAB Language Used | [Series]
CW: Non-Con/CNC, Harbinger Reader, Womb Fucking, Objectification, Virginity Loss, Size Difference, Public Sex, Oral Sex, Creampie, Multiple Orgasms, Squirting
Right before his trip to Tatarasuna, Dottore’s plans were interrupted by a sudden and dire issue in Sumeru. So he allowed you to take his place. Your reliability and skills made you a suitable replacement.
During your trip, you found a distressed puppet and brought him to Snezhnaya. You took him under your wing and trained him to be who he is today. Even after he earned the title of the Balladeer, he still wanted to work with you as much as possible. He's in love with you but he's too cowardly to tell you. So instead, he puts on a mean, bratty facade while pretending that he works with you because you're better than the ‘useless minions’ in the fatui and ‘strongest’ harbinger, after him of course. It's easier to hide his feelings when he's behind a mask.
You've seen many authentic parts of him during your time training him but he looks back on himself with shame. He doesn't know how to convey his feelings in a way that doesn't feel extremely embarrassing.
When he has the time, he reads novels about romance and fantasizes about all the things you could do if he got the courage to tell you. He stumbled across a novel with more raunchy themes and stumbled down a rabbit hole of smut. Thanks to his realistic puppet body, he can feel arousal. So whenever he’s able to sleep in his own room, he masturbates before going to bed.
Sometimes he even does it when he's not home. Discreetly, of course. He loves imagining what you’d look like naked and how you’d fuck him. Since you're half human, he wonders which parts of you aren't human and how that might look. He’d love you regardless, but it's still nice to think about.
His favorite fantasy is you using your strength to completely dominate him and use his body however you want. He’s always thinking about it. He’ll be searching a cave and he’ll start imagining you forcing yourself on him. Or he’ll be watching you train while he's taking a break and think about you in a duel where you’d win against him and take him as your prize.
The last thing he ever expected was for his wish to come true.
Scaramouche watches you curse in frustration. Your subordinates fucked up your very important mission so you punished them by death. You don't care much for the lackeys and Scaramouche loves that.
“Maybe next time you should just go without them.” His mouth moves on its own. He’d never say that. He should be subtly comforting you right now by inviting you to kill some monsters and enemies nearby to blow off steam.
“Next time?” Your anger level rises. “There's no next time, Balladeer.”
“What are you getting mad at me for? It's not like I’m the one who told you to bring a bunch of useless fools on the mission.”
You clench your fists and sigh angrily as you walk over to him. “What's wrong with you?”
“I’m tired of your incompetence. You never listen to me when I tell you to—”
Your hand moves on its own and wraps around his throat. He's scared of whatever’s possessing him but also really horny. “You know what? I think I know the perfect way to make up for today.” You squeeze his throat before grabbing his arm and dragging him to a nearby cave.
“What are you doing?!” He yells, pressing his hands up against the wall to stop his face from crashing into it thanks to your sudden aggressive movement.
“You clearly want me to take my anger out on you, so that's what I’m going to do.” You rip a hole in his shorts. “Dottore told me you have realistic functionality…Don't move.”
Scaramouche’s face turns red. You're playing out one of his fantasies. “Hh-hey- get off of me–” He tries to move, to keep up the act, but he only manages to squirm. He forgot about your control over him. Dottore used Scaramouche's puppet body to ‘imbed’ a sort of ‘program’ in him. He's forced to follow your commands. You don't have much reason to use this ability, it's really just supposed to be a safety measure. You usually ask him to do things to avoid forcing him into anything.
“Keep your mouth shut. You don't want anyone to come by, do you?” You quickly move to free your cock. There's something in your brain telling you that you have to do this right now. Your movements and your words are being executed so smoothly that Scaramouche has no idea it's not voluntary. “It's fine if I just shove it in, isn't it? You're only a puppet.”
Scaramouche's eyes widen, his soft whimpers muffled by his sealed lips. You're huge.
“Shit, why are you so tight?” You groan, struggling to get your monster sized cock inside him. “Even now, you're still a fucking tease.”
The walls of his pussy are so soft and gummy, it feels way too good to only be felt by barely a quarter of your cock. You pull out and step back, pulling him back with you. “You're flexible so..” You fold his body, forcing his hands to touch the ground, and spread his legs. “Maybe it’ll be easier like this.”
He's glad he can't moan right now.
You push your cock back inside him, traveling further than before. He feels like he's at the peak of his climax but his body is refusing to let him come. He's gonna go crazy like this.
You reach his cervix and frown, you're still not fully inside. Scaramouche's eyelashes flutter dramatically as he feels your cock entering his womb. He didn't think his body was able to do that.
You roughly thrust into him. He can feel your monster cock throbbing. “If I knew you felt this good I would've kept you all for myself. You're a lot better like this, like a little sex doll.”
Scaramouche’s body twitches as his orgasm arrives, finally allowing him to squirt on your cock. His heart flutters at the sound of your pleased noises.
You feel relieved that your strange and ‘possessed’ behavior isn't hurting him. You're ruthless and cruel but not to this degree. And you have to admit, he feels great. “You like the sound of that, doll?” You fuck him through his orgasm. You can hear his muffled moans. “Tell me.”
“Yes~! I’m your sex doll, [Name]~!” He cries out. “Use me!”
You pull out and pick him up, turning him around. You press him up against the wall with your hands on his hips. Scaramouche quivers at the sight of your cock. It looks even better than he imagined.
You pause. There's a soft purple glow coming out from behind his tattered shorts. You want to investigate further but the strange entity possessing you won't allow it. You figure it’d be hard to fully remove his clothes without making everything super complicated. You shrug it off and make a mental note to check later.
He wraps his arms around you and gently throws his head back as you slide back inside him, his hair scrunching up.
“You can't get pregnant, can you?” You manage to get a voluntary sentence out. If he could, the outcome would probably be very…strange.
Scaramouche shakes his head rapidly. His mother made him realistic but not that realistic.
“Good.” Your hands slide down to grope his ass as you continue to fuck him. He tries not to be too loud but it's hard. You press your lips against his to silence him. He whimpers and pauses, his body jittering as he squirts again. He starts feeling light headed as your cum fills his womb.
You pull out and help him stand up. You notice that none of your cum is leaving his body. Out of all the weird things that’ve happened today, this is probably pretty low on the list.
During your report to the Tsarista, you started to feel something going on with your body. It felt like you were inside Scaramouche again. Luckily for you, there was no way for the Tsarista to know what's going on. You didn't have a boner and your face remained calm. Your hands were shaking but if she noticed, it's likely she would have assumed you were tired or still pissed off. The moment you were able to leave, you hurried over to his room.
While you were on your way, you could feel his pussy squeezing you. Like he was having multiple orgasms.
You're too horny to worry about knocking so you just enter his room and lock the door behind you.
Scaramouche, who's completely naked, turns his head to you. His fingers are pressed against a purple tattoo on his lower stomach and his legs are spread wide.
Your focus quickly turns to his tattoo while your boner finally makes an appearance.
“I don't know where it came from..” Scaramouche wordlessly invites you to come closer. “When I touch it, it makes me come faster and when I think of you, it feels like you're inside me again.”
You gulp. “I could feel you too.”
His cheeks turn red. “Sorry..”
“It's fine. Do it again.”
Scaramouche immediately complies. So it works even if you're together.
You quickly release your boner. “Kneel.” You order, gripping his hair once he does so. “I want you to keep doing that while I use your throat, okay?”
Scaramouche makes a quick noise of approval before opening his mouth wide.
It feels like you're in both of his holes at once. It's almost overwhelming but the two of you can handle it.
You roughly thrust into his mouth, making use of his lack of a gag reflex. His lips and cheeks are stretching to take you. He moans along your shaft as he slightly bounces his hips on your pseudo-dick. He brings his hands to play with his tits so he can further bless your eyes.
His “orgasm face” appears once again as he comes, somehow squeezing your pseudo-cock even more aggressively than before. That, along with the feeling of his warm mouth, is enough to send you over the edge.
Your cum slowly starts to overflow and drip out of his nose and mouth. You pull out and the rest dribbles down his body. You're still hard.
“Get on the bed and lay down.”
Scaramouche hurries over to his bed and lays down with his legs spread.
You grab his legs and fold him once again, this time with his feet reaching his head. He gives you heart eyes as you slide your length inside him. Now it really feels overwhelming, you're feeling double the sensations.
A bulge forms in his stomach as you travel to his womb. He reaches out to touch his tattoo, making your movements stutter. You curse under your breath and take a few seconds to process it all before slowly thrusting inside him.
Scaramouches fingers press harder onto his skin, subtle bolts of electro sparking all over his body. You wince at the feeling. It's not painful, only stimulating. He moans erotically as he comes even harder than before.
You groan in response and come shortly after. You slowly pull out and silently watch your cum dribble out of his pulsing hole.
Things are gonna be a lot different from now on.
#wicks🕯works#top male reader#male reader#genshin impact smut#ftm character#dark content#dom male reader#wicks🕯series#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact x male reader#bottom scaramouche#sub scaramouche#scaramouche x male reader#scaramouche smut#scaramouche x reader#tw noncon
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