#GEORGE DANIEL I NEED DETAILS

[ughgoaway]

HUH???? IF THIS IS A JOKE I WILL SOB

[ferraris-gf]

explaining f1: tyres 🛞

first post in this series (will it be a series? we’ll see)

recently i think we’ve had some particularly interesting races in terms of tyre strategy and i readied in suzuka that i don’t totally understand it all, so this has been my little research project on tyres!

pirelli

pirelli are an italian tyre manufacturer who have been supplying f1 tyres since 2011. unlike some eras of f1, pirelli is currently the exclusive supplier in the sport.

in 2022, pirelli introduced a new 18-inch (the previous being 13-inch) tyre as part of sweeping changes to the technical regulations of the sport.

compounds

pirelli’s range is currently comprised of six ‘slick’ compounds (referred to as slick because they lack the grooves of normal road tyres - this is because these grooves exist to dispel water, something necessary for road tyres but that slows down an f1 car when not necessary) tyres, along with ‘intermediates’ and full ‘wets’ to account for weather conditions.

the six slick compounds (from hardest to softest) are referred to as follows: c0, c1, c2, c3, c4 and c5. from this range, pirelli pick three to be used at each grand prix, based on the track characteristics and climate.

the highest of the set is marked red and is known as the soft, the middle marked yellow and know as the medium, with the lowest marked white and known as the hard (intermediates are green and wets are blue).

theoretically, the softs have more grip over short periods of time, making them faster and better for qualifying runs. generally, the hard and medium compounds are more favourable on race day because they last longer.

rules

on most weekends, drivers are given 13 sets of slicks, 4 intermediates and 3 wets, with a set of softs reserved for drivers who reach q3 (the final round of qualifying). all drivers must return 2 sets after each of the 3 practise sessions, meaning only 7 sets are left for qualifying and the race. drivers must also use at least two different slick compounds during the race (provided the weather is dry).

on sprint weekends, the number of dry sets are reduced to 12. after the sprint, drivers must return the set they completed the most laps on.

tyre allocation is on a per-driver basis, teammates cannot share or swap tyres. in bahrain in 2020, mercedes mistakenly put bottas’ tyres on russell’s car when attempting a double stack. the team was fined €20,000 for this.

drivers must run the same compound on all four wheels at all times.

strategy

tyre plan for the weekend is the decision of the team, generally based on information from pirelli, observed degradation over practise, the circuit and the weather forecast.

if rain is expected, teams can draw from their wet weather allocation, and so they don’t need to be as cautious with their dry weather tyres. if it’s hot, teams have to make sure they can cover plenty of tyre changes.

if track layout means overtaking is tough, teams may want a higher number of pitstops to stop drivers getting stuck behind rivals. also, if the track is walled (and so safety cars are more likely) teams may plan for more stops.

terminology

scrubbed: teams often ‘scrub in’ a set of tyres by running them briefly during practise, this means that when they are later used in the race, they warm up much faster than brand new tyres.

blistering: when the inner part of tyre heats more than the outer, creating minor explosions which damage the surface of the tyre.

graining: when the outer surface is hotter than the inside of the tyre, leading to the outside rubber flexing, breaking and sticking to the tyre.

flat spot: a patch where the surface of the tyre looses its curve. this is usually caused by a driving locking up by breaking too late, meaning the tyre scrapes along the ground.

deg or degradation: refers to a steady loss of tyre performance due to general wear.

[bedforddanes75]

head.cars.bending is amazing and i need george to explain to me how it was made in unreasonable detail

[f1version]

DATES WITH YOU ♥︎ F1 HEADCANONS

includes: charles, carlos, max, daniel, lando, oscar, lewis, george, alex, logan, pierre, yuki, lance, mick, and sebastian.

summary: f1 drivers’ and their favorite themed dates!

author’s note: happy valentine’s day my loves!! this is incredibly late (almost 15th where i am) but here it is <3

love on top, a vday special ♥︎ general masterlist

now playing ♫₊⊹ until i found you by stephen sanchez

★ CHARLES LECLERC ( 16 ) — Charles has a bucket list with dates. Enjoys planning them curled up in bed, talks about how you shouldn’t repeat one until the list is done—unless you are a Drive-in theater date, he loves them. When they're arranged in Monaco, it's usually for old romcoms and coming-of-age movies, which is perfect in both of your eyes. Charles makes sure to bring snacks, blankets and pillows, everything so you can be comfortable while cuddling him. He whispers sweet nothings in your ear as the movie plays, dusk falling over you, looking as beautiful as ever. He loves this type of dates… it even gives him a chance to show off his magnificent car, but hey! that's off-topic.

★ CARLOS SAINZ JR. ( 55 ) — You and Carlos have a passion for trying new recipes, so sometimes, when you have everything you need, you decide to put on matching aprons, as well as toques, and start working on your next masterpiece. Usually, old Spanish songs play in the background, Carlos singing, grabbing you by the waist to distract you and dance a little. He loves days like these, your focused face and little scoldings are all he needs, especially because one way or another, you will end up laughing and dancing with him, sometimes full of flour and seasonings, the kitchen wearing its best perfume.

★ MAX VERSTAPPEN ( 1 ) — Max is always looking for ways to impress you, to catch you off guard and surprise you, he loves how you tease him about it. So that's why, when you go to one of your favorite places ever —the planetarium— as a date, he recollects as many details about the celestial objects as he can, waiting for your surprise when he drops a fact you didn't know he knew, starting a long, beautiful conversation about it. You know a lot more than him, but he's eager to learn, loves the way you explain every single thing to him, loves the way places like this brings you closer.

★ DANIEL RICCIARDO ( 3 ) — Daniel loves music, he spends hours on end with his headphones on, discovering new artists every day, sharing his songs, albums, and artists of the month with you, adding to his playlists your recommendations. So it's no surprise you find yourself going to multiple concerts. Dancing and singing, hugging and fangirling. Sometimes artists know Daniel and that's when you laugh the most because there's always a chance of him ending up on stage, singing to you (or trying to).

★ LANDO NORRIS ( 4 ) — Lando loves your creativity, he’s a fan of getting to know what's on your pretty mind and seeing your ideas come to life, he also loves sharing his own ideas with you, feels free doing so. His favorite dates with you consist of this: having a canvas, paper, or even pottery to paint on, gossiping and laughing for hours, having picnics and enjoying food. Lando would buy hundreds of utensils, wanting to try everything with you, forever. PD: He would have you paint him and his car, probably.

★ OSCAR PIASTRI ( 81 ) — It didn't start as a date per se, Oscar just couldn't sleep one night and you suggested building the Lego Star Wars ship in your closet, so you stayed up until 6 in the morning building it. He loves the tranquility it brings, how you can go from discussing the deepest topics to a comfortable silence. Focuses on the little things, like when your fingers brush his while reaching for a piece or that little celebration when you find another. In his apartment, he has a shelf dedicated to the Legos you've built together and photos to go with it. So, in Oscar's humble opinion, these are the best dates in the world.

★ LEWIS HAMILTON ( 44 ) — You and Lewis can live off two things: Roscoe and the beach. Surfing is something you have always bonded over, that's why you love heading to the beach early morning, going for a run with Roscoe, and then jumping to surf (taking Roscoe back inside first). You can stay out there for hours, challenging each other, improving your skills, and lying on your boards, talking about everything and nothing, loving every second of it.

★ GEORGE RUSSELL ( 63 ) — While experimenting with extreme sports would be a lovely date for George, he chooses to call his favorite something more domestic: comfy clothes, a good bottle of wine, and a long puzzle night ahead of you. He enjoys the challenging but relaxing parts of the activity, loves to strategize alongside you, and loses his focus when looking at you, falling deeper in love.

★ ALEX ALBON ( 23 ) — Playing Mario Kart as if your life depended on winning has always been part of your relationship — "It's our love language," Alex says— That's why you love to spend a large amount of time (and money) in arcades. You play against each other, with and without; also spend forty minutes trying to catch that one stuffed animal from the claw machine, cheering (and almost getting kicked out) when you get it. Alex loves it as much as he loves you.

★ LOGAN SARGEANT ( 2 ) — Logan fully believes that the best date in the history of dating are theme and amusement park dates. Whether it's a local funfair or the (in)famous Florida parks, Logan loves walking hand in hand, map and snacks in the other, trying to go on as many attractions as possible, calming the nerves of each other when necessary, laughing at the photos quickly taken on the rollercoasters (and going again to attempt looking good), and many other things that make this type of date his favorite.

★ PIERRE GASLY ( 10 ) — Pierre loves chaos and what's more chaotic than doing karaoke? Your catalog goes from High School Musical's "Gotta Go My Own Way" to Gaye and Terrell's "Ain't No Mountain High Enough." Sometimes they end up drunk enough (from adrenaline, from love, or both) to sing French songs and attempt Celine Dion's highest notes. You can spend hours teasing each other, dancing to the rhythm, and sneaking kisses in between songs.

★ YUKI TSUNODA ( 22 ) — Contrary to popular belief, Yuki's favorite type of date isn't taking you to a restaurant or cooking together, because even though he does love doing those things with you, your trips to farmers markets are his favorite. When the season is right, you visit them hand-in-hand, no matter the country since there is nothing better than discovering new foods with your favorite person. And hey! If there is something to eat, why not mix dates?

★ LANCE STROLL ( 18 ) — No matter the weather or season, you and Lance will always be up for an ice cream date. You're on a quest to find the best flavors, and the fact that some dates end in small big disasters is enough to keep you searching together, chins full of ice cream and all.

★ MICK SCHUMACHER ( 47 ) — Two things about Mick: he really enjoys ice skating and he loves you. If you put them together, he's guaranteed to have the time of his life, so he's lucky you like ice skating as much as he does. You both spend hours on the rink, being careful not to fall while holding hands, yet most of the time it's Mick who ends up in the floor as you drown in laughter. He loves that sound. He loves making you laugh and smile, it's his favorite pastime, and seeing you shine on the ice rink makes him realize how much he adores this place.

★ SEBASTIAN VETTEL ( 5 ) — Seb’s favorite is going hiking and then camping with you in the beautiful Swiss mountains, away from the a much hectic side of life. Just you and him giving new meaning to the known, sharing not only the beauty of life but also the comfort of one another, wrapped around small info-dumps and timeless laughter. It’s therapeutic being so close to each other, so pure and loving. If you ask him, he would repeat this date a thousand times over.

[russellsppttemplates]

You and Daniel (or maybe George whoever you prefer to write!) being childhood lovers dating since 16 so knowing everything about each other down to the smallest detail, like a favorite color or food so like when other people ask questions about the other there is nothing they can’t answer

"Which one do you think George will like the most?", Suzie asked you as she showed you the caps she had for the weekend, "that one definitely, it's his favourite colour", you asserted, thanking her for giving it to you.

When George and Toto joined you so you could watch the tennis match, "Oh, this one is nice, better than that one", he pointed to the alternative model, "see? Told I got it right", you smiled at Suzie.

.

"Y/N is in the bathroom", Lily said, "maybe we should wait for her to order, if that's okay", she spoke to the waiter that had come to the table to take the order.

"Oh, no need", George added, "she'll have this dish right here, can you ask the chef to have it a little bit more toasted than usual, please?", George said, Alex and Lily asking for their own orders too.

By the time you got to the table, the waiter had arrived with the drinks, "George already ordered for you", Lily teased, thinking you would inquire him about it, being met instead with "did you ask for it to be a little toasted?".

"She always eats this dish whenever they serve it, it beats anything on the menu, always", George smirked as Alex pretended to barf into his napkin.

(Thank you for submitting an ask ✨️)

[oscarpiastriwdc]

albums i would play for each driver on the 2024 F1 grid to expand their music taste

Max Verstappen: Graceland by Paul Simon - As a fan of classic and folk rock, I'd imagine Max has been exposed to Simon and Garfunkel and I think he'd enjoy the sprawling, detailed, careful expanse of Simon's solo masterpiece. Angels in the architecture spinning in infinity, etc etc

Checo Perez: Ramomex by Rebel'd Punk - One of the Mexican bands who pioneered punk music in the country, but Checo probably missed this release because he was too busy karting and moving to europe as a teen. It's never too late to have a proper angry punk phase, though.

Charles Leclerc: Ten Love Songs by Susanne Sundfør - Groundbreaking, life-altering pop music that pushes every boundary. This hits the sad songs craving and I think would interest him as a musician and burgeoning songwriter.

Carlos Sainz: Ultraviolence by Lana Del Rey - daddy issues. I just know he'd vibe out to Brooklyn Baby.

Lando Norris: Destiny by DJ Sabrina the Teenage DJ - I dream of sitting him down and exposing him to actually good, interesting, fun contemporary dj music.

Oscar Piastri: Speaking in Tongues by Talking Heads - He has that certain David Byrne swag and demeanor of someone who'd love the Talking Heads if only given the chance.

Fernando Alonso: 10,000 gecs by 100 gecs - At first the old man would be extremely confused but once he was on board he would be blasting The Most Wanted Person In The United States all day every day.

Lance Stroll: Talon of the Hawk by The Front Bottoms - that post that's like the problem is men are making podcasts instead of forming midwest emo bands. but it's men are becoming f1 drivers instead of forming midwest emo bands. I think some TFB exposure could be the spark of inspiration for a great career pivot.

Lewis Hamilton: Maps by billy woods and Kenny Segal - I fear Lewis might have been too worried about Merc's performance last year to have checked out this fantastic collaboration that was one of 2023's best albums.

George Russell: Contra by Vampire Weekend - I just saw Vampire Weekend live following the release of the new album and at the show there was a guy a few feet ahead of me in the merch line who had the exact same energy as GR. The mix of prep vibes and world music would work into his taste while expanding his listening beyond coldplay.

Yuki Tsunoda: GLOW ON by Turnstile - 100% a selfish pick, I want to mosh with Yuki in the pit of a Turnstile pit.

Daniel Ricciardo: The Panhandlers by The Panhandlers - A country supergroup I return to time and again, wistful and nostalgic, making you yearn for West Texas no matter where in the world you are.

Alex Albon: Pelican West by Haircut 100 - Funky British jazz pop, perfect for dancing and vibing.

Logan Sargeant: Crying, Laughing, Waving, Smiling by Slaughter Beach, Dog - I fear Logie might be too young or too norm core to have had a proper Modern Baseball phase (it's never too late logie! listen to Intersection!) but Ewald's 2023 offering seems like something he missed last year that's perfectly up his alley.

Valtteri Bottas: Merriweather Post Pavillion by Animal Collective - Weird and complex, I think he should throw it on while on a long bike ride and let his mullet fly in the breeze.

Zhou Guanyu: God Save the Animals by Alex G - no you don't understand i need him to listen to Alex G he would love it

Kevin Magnussen: Heaven or Las Vegas by Cocteau Twins - Ethereal music he can feel and let wash over him in a wave to relax and transcend the horrors of driving for Haas.

Nico Hulkenberg: Supernatural by Santana - dad music but make it funky and good

Pierre Gasly: Sex Dreams and Denim Jeans by Uffie - A perfect twist on early 2000s French electronic music, I think it'd remind him of the club while sounding entirely new and make him want to pick up a side dj gig of his own.

Esteban Ocon: Lescop by Lescop - French indie pop-rock! His most recent album is fantastic, but Este should check out Lescop's 2013 debut first.

following a conversation with @liamlawsonlesbian and her definitive book rec list i'm doing something similar for music (she bullied me into posting this sorry). large range in popularity/mainstream-ness of artists depending on the driver and what i think they're already listening to.

[beabnormal24]

Hi, I just need to vent.

I do not have the words to tell you how much I love Landoscar. They’re so compelling to me and they do actually have such a good chemistry, and I loved Oscar’s reaction when Lando thanked him and I love the way they always seem so fond of each other.

As of recently, I haven’t been able to read many Landoscar fics, the reason?

Let me write you down some of the tags:

Carlos Sainz is an asshole

Carlos Sainz is a villain

Anti Carlos Sainz

Anti Sainz

And alright, I mean, you really want to have a villain, and instead of using any single other name you have to use Carlos? Alright, I guess (at least they tagged it…)

But how is it possible that it’s happening in almost every single one of them?

Let it be clear, I am not talking about just Carlos, I hate it when a story’s villain is another driver, it’s my personal preference, but honestly I’ve only seen this mostly happen with Carlos.

The worst part? Some of them went as far as depicting Carlos as an ab*ser.

An ab*ser.

Do you even realise what that word means? How heavy its significance is? I am not even going to go into details because private things are meant to be private, but I can assure you that if you use that depiction for a REAL PERSON and not for an imaginary character, then no, you do not know what that word means at all.

Oh, and isn’t it funny that it’s the same people who (rightfully) complained so much about having Trump in the Mclaren garage this weekend? The same people who said that (rightfully) Trump is an ab*ser and he should not be there?

And then those same people went around and described Carlos - a person they do not know, a person who does not fucking have any accusation, a person who should not be in prison, a person who you only hate just because he fucking races, a person who’s a real person - as an ab*user.

As I said, this can be said for other drivers as well easily. But honestly, it’s only Carlos I’ve seen around getting this treatment.

My personal opinion is that this fandom is getting sickeningly toxic.

Oh and not to mention the death wishes to Carlos, Daniel, Lance and sometimes I’ve read George, as well. That is, to put it in simpler words, incredibly disgusting.

Please, learn how to be kind to yourself and others before posting stuff online.

[butyou-callmewhenyourebored]

When We Are Together - Matty Healy

Summary: In which Matty falls in love with you in stages his entire life. He knows everything is better when you're together but the two of you are oblivious to the fact you're in love with each other.

Warnings: Swearing. A small section of smut in flashback 2. Unfortunately it's not with Matty. It's with George because I am a whore. Mentions of The S*n. Mentions of Matty going to rehab, obviously we don't know all the personal details apart from the fact there was an intervention after the ilwys era ended and he went and now he's in recovery.  

Author's Note: Self proclaimed 'Not a Matty girl' just wrote 12K lol this has legit taken so long cause I procrastinate but hope you like it!  Really fucking long because I tend to let my mind wonder, I don't even know if this is any good but I'm trying to get better. I thought the concept was cute anyway. So enjoy! Let me know what you guys think and if you liked it x

Word Count: 12K

Your life had always been surrounded by the boys. So many moments in your life that their fans could only ever dream of knowing about or being involved in but you didn’t know any different, it was just your life. You had no choice in the matter when your brother and best friend in the entire world was the bassist in the band. That’s right; Ross MacDonald was your big brother and you seemed to be somewhat of a legend amongst their hardcore fanbase yourself for putting up with their antics for as long as you had! Not that you really had a choice when you were tied to them via blood but they had also hired you as their personal assistant so you could follow them around the world and so none of them had to part from you for too long.

You had personal relationships with all of the band, not just your brother who genuinely was the best big brother you could have ever asked for. He was your best friend and had been since the moment you were born. Sometimes it irritated the others how annoying the two of you were when you both got into silly moods, with all your inside jokes and side looks that nobody else understood. Especially Matty who always wanted in on the joke. But Ross was a ride or die kind of guy and you were the same. If it came down to it you would fight over who took the first bullet.

Adam Hann. Adam truly was an angel of man sent to earth to be your bestie and you don’t think you could love him anymore if you could. Someone you could geek out about The Office with on the tour bus and who brought you coffee when he could see you needed a pick me up. The most level headed of the boys, you know he’ll always be on your side. Someone who’s come to your rescue during many nights out both pre and post fame and took your hand, pretended to be your boyfriend with no questions asked and got you away from creeps more times than you would have liked. You couldn’t be more grateful for a selfless friend like Adam Hann.

George Daniel. Your ‘little’ Georgie had been in your form at school, so apart from your brother until you were much older and started hanging out with them more, you had spent the most time with him. So it’s fair to say that the pair of you were close. So close that you lived with him and Matty in your early twenties. Even a small indiscretion on his 23rd birthday much to your brother’s dismay didn’t change the course of your relationship. Now that you were both thirty two and you were still working for him, clearly the two of you didn’t care that you had seen each other naked. If anything your night together all those many moons ago had brought you closer together. You would trust him with your life.

Then there was Matty. Matty was something else. If you asked his fans, depending on if you were asking old or new fans. He was something else in two senses of the word. To you he was just Matthew. Your big brother’s best friend who was a bit of a weird kid, transitioned into a somewhat cool teenager who you had a bit of a crush on when you were seventeen, to the most annoying person you’ve ever laid eyes on. But also he was your best friend. An old married couple is what George labeled you both and he wasn’t wrong, the pair of you did have a bit of a domestic life together when he wasn’t busy being a rockstar. 

I think the fans would be shocked to find out he likes doing the mundane things in life like doing the food shop with you and fighting at the tills that it was his turn to scan his club card. Or walking the dog, drinking a good cup of tea at his Mam’s house or cooking with you over a glass of wine with Donny Hathaway playing in the background on the record player.

He had done so much for you over the years and you always thought it was just Matty being Matty and looking out for you. Hiring you as the band’s assistant, so you could see the world with them so you weren’t stuck in a stuffy office job in England. Even though you had graduated from uni with a first class degree in photography. Moving you into his home when you broke up with your long term boyfriend in 2020 so you weren’t wallowing in self pity. It was probably then, that George cemented your “marriage status” because you did do everything together and apparently you had been oblivious your entire friendship until now.

It was in this moment in Belfast on the last night of the UK tour that your head swimming with all of the moments in your life that led you to here with Matty, tears brimmed with tears. That you realised that it was him the entire time.

April 2007

You pulled the front of the white tank top you were wearing down, allowing the frilly cups of your red bra to peek out the top. Your top tucked into a short black mini skirt, paired with a big chunky belt and hoop earrings and some wedged sandals on your feet. You actually felt good about yourself for once! You, Sarah and Rebecca ready to get drunk and dance your asses off with all of your friends as you celebrated Matty’s birthday.

Matty’s 18th birthday party was being held at his house. A classic Healy house party yet you still wondered how Denise and Tim were somehow trusting him enough for the night to not burn the house down so he could celebrate his birthday with his friends without parental supervision.

You of course had yet to turn eighteen, as had your brother who was only eleven months older than you. So you turned to your lord and saviour Adam Hann who went to the local off license and bought you a pack of Bacardi Breezers for the party.

When the three of you arrived; you immediately got swept away by your other school friends, giggling at the thought of getting drunk with all your friends and making out with boys your brother would definitely disapprove of was the motivation you needed to open your first drink of the evening.

It was after a few drinks, definitely too many shots of whatever George had proclaimed Matty’s Dad’s had left for the birthday boy. You were starting to feel the effects of the alcohol you had drunk that evening when you spotted Max. Tall, brunette, curly hair and a killer watt smile that made you weak at the knees, talking to George.

Silent motivation from Phoebe as she ruffled her hands through your hair and pushing your tits into a good position as Sarah dabbed on some more lip gloss before pushing you in the direction of the boys, slapping your ass with a quick “Go get him tiger!”

Shooting her a grin over your shoulder, you strutted on over to where George and Max stood clutching their beer bottles as they conversed about god knows what. Hoping to catch his attention, you threw on your best smile as you stopped in front of the two of them. 

“Hello boys!” You beamed a the two of them, eyes lingering on Max a little longer. “Having a good night?”  You asked, twiddling the straw around your drink as you waited for their answer.

“Even better now you’re here gorgeous!” 

Your heart fluttered for a moment. Max was flirting back.

“Your tits are looking mega tonight babe!” 

George broke your eye contact with the tall brunette as your eyes flitted towards him. The blush flushing across your cheeks at George’s compliment, “Ohhh thanks G!”  You laughed awkwardly, catching his eyes fall to your tits once more just as Ross walked past the three of you.

“Dude! That’s my sister!” He punched him in the arm; a scowl on his face and immediately pulling you away with him and far away from the boys and into the crowd of people dancing in Denise and Tim’s living room.

“You’re no fun!”  You huffed.

“You can do a lot better than Max sis. Believe me! I’m just looking out for you.” 

He smiled softly at you and you sighed, knowing you couldn’t ever stay mad at him. He knew you better than anyone else and always looked out for you no matter what. “Thanks bro.  I know. I’m just going to get some fresh air, it’s a bit stuffy in here.” 

You sent him a smile, squeezing past him and all the other sweaty bodies to head out the sliding doors at the back of Matty’s kitchen. Letting out the breath you hadn’t realised you had been holding as the cool spring air brushed over your skin. Taking in the serenity of the night air, you didn’t realise anyone else was out there until you heard a cough causing you to snap your head towards the noise.

Matty was leaning up against the back wall, cigarette hanging from his lips.

“Alright birthday boy! What you doing out here by yourself?” You laughed lightly as you approached; leaning next to him as you took in the slightly solemn look on his face.

“Bit overwhelming in there. Thought I’d like the attention but there’s too many people. Half of them are just here to get drunk, they don’t care about me.” He laughed bitterly; blowing smoke into the air. “Anyway. What are you doing out here?”

“Just needed some air. It was a bit stuffy in there. Too many people.”

“Ahhh so we’re alike in our thinking.” Matty laughed. “Wish it was just you and the boys to be honest.” He mumbled, shuffling his feet.

“Hey. You know if you want we can have a do over. Come over to mine and Ross’ tomorrow. We’ll order pizza and watch True Romance. I’d hate for you to not look back fondly at your 18th.”  You smiled softly as you spoke.

“You’re brilliant.” Matty’s eyes bright as he looked at you. “I’d really like that. Thanks sweetheart.”  Matty shot you a genuine smile for the first time since you stepped outside.

A brief moment of silence settled across the two of you before Matty spoke again.

“You look incredible tonight.”

“Ohhh.” You looked down at your feet, unsure of how to take the compliment.

“Hey.” Matty lifted your chin up. “What’s all that about? You’re the most beautiful girl in the room.” He said earnestly; swiping at the apples of your cheeks and holding your jaw in his hands.

“Just didn’t think anyone could look past the fact I’m Ross’ sister. Nobody ever calls me beautiful.”

“Not even Josh? Didn’t you date him for nearly a year?”  Matty asked as you shook your head.

“Then he’s an idiot. You’re always the most beautiful girl in the room darling.”

“Matty.” 

It came out a whisper as you both stared into each other’s brown eyes. Matty’s eyes dancing across your features, settling on your lips before looking back up and catching your gaze already on him. Matty leaned in, his face getting closer to your own as your mind started racing. 

Did you want to kiss Matty? Kinda, yeah! 

Should you kiss Matty? No, definitely not. Ross would kill the both of you. 

Did you kiss Matty? Yes.

“We shouldn’t.”  You whispered, lips mere inches away from his own.

“But a birthday kiss is all I want this year.” 

His words came out of a whisper, you didn’t say anything else just pushed your lips against his and allowed him to pull you closer as his mouth moved against the softness of your glossed lips. His hands moving from your face, dancing down the sides of your body and landing on your waist before he reluctantly pulled away, forehead resting against your own.

“You’re good at that.” He pecked your lips once more.

“Mmmm.”  You hummed; opening your eyes as Matty held you close. You quickly opened your mouth to say something and promptly shut it again when you caught the way Matty looked at you. “Fuck it!” You mumbled and slammed your lips back against his own.

The birthday boy now pushing you up against the wall, hands impossibly tight on your waist as he pulled you as physically close as possible. Your hands uprooting themselves in the hair at the back of his neck and tugging as you snogged him like your life depended on it. Like you weren’t pushed against the back of his kitchen wall in his garden, where any of your school friends could come out and catch you. Or worse; your brother but you didn’t care because the way Matty was kissing you made your whole body tingle.

Tugging his hair again as his tongue moved against your own. Matty groaned loudly; finally pulling away. “Fuck settle down! You know I can’t be found with you and if you keep doing that, someone is going hear us.” He groaned as he continued to pepper kisses up the side of your jaw.

“Hmmm, don’t feel like being murdered by my brother right now.”  You sighed; leaning back against the wall to take him in. Lips swollen and eyes bright as he watched you.

“I don’t want to be murdered by your brother either. Worst birthday ever!” He chuckled; hands dancing across your waist. “But that was my favourite birthday gift! Thanks sweetheart!” Matty grinned; watching you push yourself off the wall and smooth yourself down before heading back towards the house.

You paused for a moment; your foot on the last step, your hand lingering on the handle to the back door for a millisecond as you looked over your shoulder one last time at Matty who was just watching you. You sent him a soft smile, your hair falling in front of your face as you laughed before leaving him the dark as you rejoined the party.

A kiss with Matty who was your big brother’s (and your) annoying friend, someone you had an innocent schoolgirl crush on once he started becoming a tiny bit cool as the lead singer in their band. Something you didn’t think was an overly big deal, after all people kiss people they shouldn’t when they’re drunk all the time. Turns out it was the starting point of the trajectory of how your’s and Matty’s story begun.

March 2013

In the midst of releasing a series of EPs and gigging around the country and building up their hardcore fanbase. You had managed to get the boys all to just relax for a moment and celebrate the release of their Music for Cars EP and the fact that it was George’s 23rd birthday this weekend. And how did you celebrate? The only way you lot knew how, a dirty ole’ house party just like the good old days.

You had managed to squeeze God knows how many people in little flat you shared with George and Matty. As far as flatmate’s go, they weren’t all that bad. You had moved in with them straight after university so you had definitely had worse.

You had just downed what you believe was your fifth vodka shot of the evening and decided you needed to pace yourself a bit more if you weren’t going to stumble into your room and pass out any time soon. So upon spotting Ross, you wondered over to your brother who was sat talking to Hann; wiggling your way in between the two of them with a giggle. Ross automatically lifting his arm for you to slip under as you nursed the rest of your wine at a slower pace until your glass was empty.

After your head stopped spinning a sufficient amount, you found yourself milling about the flat and smuggling yourself into Matty’s embrace as he poured you another glass.

“Enjoying yourself sweetheart?” 

“Mmm. Have you see the birthday boy?” You felt Matty’s lips pressed to the top of your head as you asked.

“You leaving me already?”  He chuckled. “Think he popped out the back for a cig.” 

He motioned towards the back door. You immediately unravelled yourself from him, a kiss smacked against his cheek, catching the corner of his mouth. Not that you noticed in your flurry but Matty did. The longing for the feeling of the two of you had shared in his back garden prickling at his chest as his eyes locked onto your retreating figure as you rushed through the throng of remaining people in the kitchen and exiting the flat.

Matty was right. You found George smoking out the back in your little tiny back garden under the dying glimmer of your shit security light that was attached to your back wall. Turning in your direction at the sound of the back door shutting, George automatically opened his arms for you to slot into his side, arm hung loosely over your shoulder as he let out the smoke he had just inhaled. Wordlessly placing the cig in your mouth to let you take a drag yourself, you passed it back and forth between the two of you in silence.

Stubbing the end into the brick, George dropped it into the bucket of dirty filters before breaking the silence. “God what time is it?”  He asked as you watched him push the balls of his hand into his eyes.

“Nearly 2am! Why you need to go to bed Grandad?!”

“Fucking maybe?! How many people are left?” The now blonde motioned towards the house.

“Only a few. Heard Sally talk about some of them heading into town on the way out and Luke and Helen have to be up early so they left nearly a hour ago. Just the band and about three other now. You ready to head in birthday boy?” You asked; holding out your hand for him to take with a smirk.

With a silent nod George didn’t hesitate to grab onto your hand as you tried not to trip over the many plant pots that were littered across your garden path. “You given me my birthday present yet? I can’t remember?” You turned to look at the drummer. An amused look on your face because he had given you the brightest smile when he had opened the personalised drumsticks you had gotten him earlier. “Or are you my present? Wait is this an ambush?” George gasped. “Please be an ambush!” He grinned at you.

“You should be so lucky!”  You scoffed; before shooting him a smirk as you opened the the kitchen door.

“Your tits look mega in that dress by the way!” His tone smug as he closed the kitchen door behind him. Your only response being the cackle that left your mouth as you left George to watch you walk away as you joined the rest of the band in the living room.

Lucky indeed because once the remaining guests left about twenty minutes later. You had snuck into George’s room to say good night and wish him a happy birthday and it’s how you found yourself currently with aching arms. As they were locked either side of George’s knees, his hands tight on your waist as you bounced on his cock.

You weren’t sure how long you had been in this position. You do know he had already made you cum twice though. Once on his tongue and once with his fingers but my God were you spiralling towards your third. The thick drag of his cock between your legs as he stretched you out was delicious but you needed to cum quick because you weren’t sure how long you could stay in this position for.

“Jesus Christ! So fucking good George!” You wailed; as George’s thumb swiped through the slick between your legs and rubbing at your clit.

“Feel good baby?”

“Yes. Shit! So good!” You panted. “Arms hurt though, fuck.”

“Don’t worry. I’ve got you.” He said; pulling you forward.

You fell forward at full speed; having to catch yourself on either side of his face to stop yourself from head butting him as his large hands moved from your hips to grab on to the globes of your ass before plowing up into your cunt so fast you saw stars dance under your eyelids. All you could do was shake and babble out a string of, “So good. So good. So good.” As George made you cum again.

Pulling out quickly. You had no time to recover as George flipped you over; face already in his pillows as he pushed back into you as he chased his own orgasm. The drag of his cock made you feel delirious at the speed in which he was fucking you back into the mattress.

“Fucking hell. You’re so good G! Yes! Yes! Yes!”  You screamed into the mattress, really not caring that your mutual best friend was on the other side of the wall.

His name fell from your lips like a chant. You hadn’t been fucked this good in forever, if at all and the fact it was your Georgie made your head spin.

“Come on baby. One more and I’ll give it to you.” He whispered in your ear, kissing the back of your shoulder before pulling you back on to his cock at rapid speed and sending you hurtling towards your fourth orgasm of the night (well morning) and George to fill you up with a satisfied groan.

Pulling out; your gentle giant rolled over, the pair of you catching your breath after fucking for a good hour. Rolling your head to the side to take him in, you pressed a kiss to the top of his shoulder with a chuckle. “Happy Birthday G!” 

The now blonde let out a loud laugh as the pair of you snuggled into each other’s arms, like you would normally do under any other circumstances as George pressed a kiss to the side of your face. The temporary bliss shielding you both from the circumstances you’d have to face in the morning.

When you did manage to wake up the next morning, George was still fast asleep but his alarm clock read 10:12 and you knew you’d have to get up to tidy the flat because Matty certainly wouldn’t. As you looked around George’s room, you scrambled to find anything to hide your dignity as you moved around to clean up. As you pulled the shirt George was wearing the night before over your bare body, you didn’t have chance to register the other voices on the other side of the bedroom door.

“Where is she? She’s not answering her phone? She’s not in her room either.”

Matty didn’t answer Ross’s question, just grumbled into his arms before flinging himself down onto the dining room table dramatically.

“What’s the matter with you? You look like shit Healy!” Hann shoved his shoulder with a laugh as he threw himself on the sofa.

“Well you’d look like shit if you didn’t get any sleep cause you could hear George fucking at all hours of the night too.” Matty snapped at the two of them.

“Who was he shagging? I thought he wasn’t seeing that blonde anymore?”

Unfortunately for you, this was when you decided to make your grand appearance. Walking out of George’s room in nothing but his shirt and your knickers from the night before. The three of them silent as they took in your appearance.

Adam’s jaw slack as he looked on in shock as everything clicked into place before his very eyes.

Matty looked pained as he ran a hand through his curls before pushing himself up off the dining room table and shuffling into the kitchen, silently flicking the kettle on.

Ross looked angry. You could see it simmering in his eyes. The vein on his neck pulsing as he starred you down.

“I’ve been trying to ring you. Why were you in George’s room? ”

“I’ve been asleep. I’m here now aren’t I? Everything alright?” You brushed past him, trying to avoid talking about the inevitable. You hated when Ross was angry.

“Why do you have George’s shirt on?”

The two of you competed in a stare off. The both of you silent. Neither of you making the next move. If there was one thing you MacDonald siblings were, it was stubborn. Adam was watching on in anticipation. The only noise to be heard was Matty shuffling around the kitchen in the background. Your brother asked you again. Why was he asking you questions he didn’t want to know the answers to.

“Don’t make me say it bro.”  You sighed; annoyance flashing across his features.

“You slept with my best friend?”  Ross immediately started raising his voice. He already knew the answer, he didn’t need your confirmation. Not that he waited for it because he was already storming towards George’s room and right on queue, the door swung open to George just in his boxers.

“Ross. Stop!”  Your voice loud and going ignored.

“YOU SLEPT WITH MY SISTER?!”  

Ross was seething. Hann was immediately by your side ready to intervene. Matty still off and away from the drama (which was very unlike him) that was about to unfold. He was unlawfully quiet but you couldn’t think about that when Ross was squaring off with George in the doorway to your rooms. The shouting sounded like you were under water as you zoned it out. This was a disaster. It was only when Hann touching your arm, whispering if they should intervene or not that brought you back to reality and had you storming right in between the two giants.

Pushing your way in between them. You stood with your back against George’s chest, a hand on your brothers and looking up at him with pleading eyes. “Ross. Please. Fighting George isn’t going to solve anything.”

“You slept. With my sister. What about fucking bro code?! Not cool dude!”

“It was me.” You shouted over the top of his booming voice, all four of them turning to look at you as you very rarely raised your voice. “It was me. I initiated it. So if you’re going to be mad at someone, shout at me because it’s my fault.”

“Babe you don’t have to defend me.” George touched your shoulder gently. “I know, we shouldn’t have done it.”

“Don’t touch her!” Ross zoned in on George’s hands upon your shoulders. He quickly lifted them up in surrender.

“George, we’re both consenting adults.” You addressed him before turning back to your brother. “I’m sorry but if you’re going to sulk about it, blame me because I started it. Ross you know I love you more than anything in this world but you can’t hate everyone that goes near me.”  You reached for his hand to give it a squeeze. “It was literally a one night stand. Promise it won’t happen again.”

Ross tried to pull his hand out of yours at your words, the vein in his neck twitching at the fucked up thought of his little sister casually sleeping around. “I’m not fucking happy about it. Fucking bro code dude.” He threw his hands up dramatically before turning towards the door. “I’m going for some fresh air.” 

Ross quickly yanked open the front door, Hann hot on his tail, muttering something about checking on him which left you with Matty and George. The three of you standing in silence for a moment before George popped a kiss on top of your head and mumbling about a cig and heading out the back.

Matty disappeared again into the kitchen as you plonked yourself down at the dining room table with a groan. The ticking of the clock the only thing to be heard as the two of you were now the only ones left in your tiny flat. Sitting down next to you, Matty didn’t say anything. Just pushed a mug of coffee towards you and sipping his own.

“You don’t hate me do you? You haven’t said anything all morning.”

Matty took a sip of his coffee, a look of contemplation on his face as his eyes flitted towards you. The silence deafening and the thought of him being upset with you made your heart ache.

“You never offered me that on my birthday.”

You blinked rapidly as you stared at him. That was it. That’s what he chose to say.

Matty tried to say it with a joking lilt to his words. A smirk hiding behind his mug of coffee as you took in his words. But he knew deep down that there was a seriousness to it. It was true, you’ve never done anything with him other than when you kissed at his 18th, on his birthday or otherwise. Apart from one drunken weekend about two weeks later. He wasn’t sure why the thought made his heart pang. But it did. You opened your mouth to respond, quickly shutting it again as a flush rushed to your cheeks as you remembered the night in his garden five birthdays ago.

You let out a shaky laugh, not knowing what to say, shoving his shoulder playfully as you settled back into your chair, steaming coffee ready to be drunk.

“I don’t, you know.” 

You turned you head to curly haired man beside you confused at what he was saying. 

“I could never hate you.”

2014

You weren’t exactly sure where you were. What state you were in. What time it was or how much you and the band had to drink or what drugs Matty had taken tonight but you were fucking exhausted. You had been following your brother and your best friends around the world for the best part of just over a year, ‘acting’ like their personal assistant. 

You were essentially a glorified baby sitter for these four man children. You wouldn’t change it for the world though, you got to travel the world with your best friends and take cool photography in the cool cities you visited but it was all catching up to you. All whilst they were busy being rockstars, some more than others but that was a different story.

You wanted nothing more than to be in the dingy little flat you shared with Matty and George in Manchester, catching up on washing, going down to your local Sainsbury’s and doing the weekly shop. Anything that didn’t require going to bed post 3am.

But you were currently in a club in Atlanta or was it Nashville? You didn’t know but what you did know was that you were bloody tired and the thought of travelling on the tour bus to the next state with a hangover was genuinely about to send you into a downward spiral if you didn’t get yourself back to the hotel asap.

Tucked neatly underneath Hann’s arm, his arm loosely hanging over your shoulder as you rested your head upon his shoulder, you prayed for your brother to round up the other two quicker than he was because you were actually asleep standing up at this point. You didn’t think it was possible to be asleep with your eyes open but you were positive at this precise moment in time it was currently happening.

Ross finally reappeared with George in tow but there was no Matty trailing behind the two of them. You groaned loudly as you clapped eyes on the two of them. Ross looked defeated, tiredness set his eyes too. George smirked when he heard your groans.

“Not the usual type of groans you make when you see me baby.”

“I’ll punch you so hard before Ross even gets the chance to if you don’t shut the fuck up Daniel's. Where’s Healy?”  You huffed, scowling at the boy in front of you.

“Mumbled something incoherent before refusing to leave.” Your brother grumbled.

“Give me two minutes.” You sent Hann a soft smile, before removing yourself from the bubble the two of you’d created at the end of the bar before pushing your way through all the sweaty bodies until you found him trying to chat up some blonde model type near the DJ booth.

Gently placing your hand around his bicep to get his attention, his curls whipped in your direction to see who was touching him. The first thing you noticed apart from the bright grin he was now sporting were his dilated pupils. So he had taken coke again, brilliant. 

The sigh that left you so deeply rooted, you’re surprised he didn’t pick up on it. You hated the way it made him feel after the high was over.

“Hi darling! Hasn’t tonight been amazing? Wait where are the others? Can you believe your brother tried to make me to go back to the hotel? How sick was the gig tonight? Do you want to dance? Hey let me introduce you to…” He spoke at a hundred miles a hour as he spewed out utter nonsense, turning to realise the blonde he was chatting up was long gone.

You watched Matty’s shoulders sag, sad eyes now back on your own. “You fancy coming back with me? I’m dead on my feet and don’t really fancy nursing this inevitable hangover whilst being stuck on the tour bus for over six hours with you lot without at least four hours of decent sleep.”

“But I don’t want to go home yet.” He pouted.

“You come with me now, I’ll let you stay in my bunk tomorrow and I won’t complain about how clingy you are. Promise!”

“Like a sleepover?!”  Matty’s face lit up again.

“If you like, yeah!” You laughed at his childlike enthusiasm.

“Come on then, let’s go right now!” He started to drag you through the crowds. “I’m sharing with Ross tonight. I think he’d rather kill himself than watch you throw yourself at me!” 

“I don’t throw myself at you.” You laughed at the frown he was pulling at you.

“It’s been known to happen Healy! I don’t mind though. My bunk tomorrow. Pinky promise.”

“Tomorrow.”  Matty sent you a soft smile; his pinky looping around your own before you started to tug him back towards the boys. “I just want to clarify, I don’t throw myself at you I just like lying on your tits is all!” He said, pulling a laugh out of you as you approached the rest of the band. Your brother already leading the troops out the club as he saw your approach, eager to get out of there and into bed.

You had currently been on the road from Atlanta to Raleigh, North Carolina for the past two hours and the hangover was showing no signs of disappearing. You had already watched half a season of The Office with Hann and had taken a half arsed nap with Ross but it was hard trying to sleep in the lounge, when your head was knocking off his shoulder every time the bus hit a pot hole.

Not to mention; if Matty made one more fucking sound, you were absolutely positive one of you was going to throw him out the window. It was a toss up between you and Hann, whoever got to him first I suppose. But he was getting on your last nerve. He was annoying at the best of times but there was something about his come down today that was irritating you to no fucking end. He so much as breathed too loudly and it was sending you spiralling into deep pit of annoyance.

You and the band were up back in the lounge area, some Adam Sandler movie playing quietly in the back ground that you were pretty sure none of them were even paying attention to. When Matty threw his phone across the bus, swearing something incoherent under his breath and it was the last straw.

Standing up abruptly, you managed to startle both Ross and Hann at the speed in which you moved. Pulling down George’s hoodie that you had stolen, so it covered more of your ass over the pair of gym shorts you had on. You turned back towards your brother and Adam, irritation etched across your features, scowling at Matty as you eyed him out of your peripheral, as he moped about next to George. 

Just the image of him, made you want to roll your eyes.

“I’m going to my bunk before I fucking throttle him!”  

You sent them both a sarcastic smile before storming off to your bunk. You can’t have been there ten minutes before your peace was interrupted by Matty who was peering around the curtain and asking if he can join you. You let out a big sigh before silently nodding your head as he lumbered on into the small space.

Immediately wrapping his arms around your waist; his head found home upon your chest just like it always did when he wanted a cuddle. Your hand that was wrapped around him made its way up to his head, where it settled in his curls, finger tips running across his scalp. The sound of his soft sighs automatically calming down the irritation that had been bubbling inside you since he had awoken this morning.

You weren’t entirely sure how long you had been lying there in silence. You only broke the silence when the coldness of Matty’s fingertips slipped underneath your hoodie to touch the warmth of your skin. His thumb rubbing circles across the softness of your hips as he snuggled further into your tits as one of his legs started pushing its way in between your own as he got comfy.

“Matty?” Your voice gentle as you tried to get his attention.

“You said you wouldn’t complain.” His voice muffled as he spoke into your covered breasts.

“Your fingers are fucking freezing that’s all.” Your chest vibrated with laughter.

“Sorry sweetheart” Matty moved the slightest bit, to kiss the underside of your chin before snuggling back into the warmth of your hoodie.

“I don’t mean to, you know?”  He whispered softly.

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t mean to make you angry.” 

His voice was barely above a whisper, that you nearly missed it.

“I’m not angry. Why would you think I’m angry at you?”

“You looked like you’d rather die than be anywhere near me before.” The hand that was weaving through his curls stopped. “I hated it. Hated that you looked at me like that. Made me feel even more shit than I already do.”

“Healy look at me.” Matty didn’t move a muscle, head still tucked underneath your chin, no effort in moving at all at your words.

“Babe. Look at me.” Your voice more stern, wiggling away from his grip so you could look down at him properly. “I could never hate you. Ever.” Your eyes flitted across his features, hardened by the late nights on tour and the hardcore partying. “I hate what that stuff does to you. I would never stop you from having fun but when you do that stuff, I hate how it makes you hate yourself the next day. I don’t want you doing something you’re going to regret because believe it or not Healy. I’m quite fond of you and I don’t think my heart could take it if something happened to you. Neither would my brother’s or Hann’s or George’s. We love you a stupid amount you know.”

Matty blinked at you as he took in your words, his brown eyes glossing over before shoving his face into you neck, the grip around your waist becoming impossibly tighter. Your body shaking as his vibrated against yours, soft sobs leaving him as he chanted; “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Over and over again.

All you could do was hold him closer and reassure him, that he had nothing to be sorry for and you were just looking out for him because anything else, you were afraid it might break you and you’d cry too. As your best friend was breaking his heart and wetting the hoodie you were wearing.

“Don’t apologise for having fun. I just want you to be careful. All I ever want is for you to be okay and sometimes what you do with all those people you don’t know isn’t good for you sweetheart.”

You squeezed him tighter, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. As he mumbled how “I’ll be better, I promise” into your neck, pressing multiple kisses in quick succession to just under the right side of your jaw before settling back into silence where the two of stay for some time.

The soft regular movement of Matty’s thumb rubbing circles on your hip stopped, his hand significantly less colder than they were before he had them up your hoodie, moved across the expanse of your lower back and rolling you over so you were now draped over him instead and tucked into his side. 

“You know sometimes I feel the only time I might get better is when we are together. You ever feel like that?”

It was now your turn to nod silently, a soft hum leaving your mouth as you pressed a quick kiss into his skin as you settled into a slumber.

2017

You had been pottering about your flat most of the morning, doing a deep clean of the place before you were supposed to be heading to meet the boys for Sunday dinner. Your boyfriend of nearly a year Michael, once again opting out of spending time with you and your family, claiming he had better things to be doing that sitting about and listening to the boys talk about what they had been getting up to in the studio again.

Personally you think it was because George let slip last time Michael could actually be bothered to join you all for a drink, that he had slept with you in a drunken ramble, much to the dismay of your boyfriend, your brother and yourself. And Michael didn’t take too fondly to the fact you were still close with George after the confession.

You were in the middle of folding the last bit of the washing that you had dumped on your bed when your phone pinged with a text from Hann.

‘Did you get a letter in the post this week? x’

‘I get a lot of stuff in the post Ads! Off who? x’

‘Matty x’

The moment you saw his name, your heart got stuck in your throat. None of you had heard from him since he he had left, something to do with his recovery. So the thought of contact from him had you dropping your phone on the bed and rushing from your room, shouting at Michael about the post you had received this week. Only receiving a mumble from him about the fire place; had you dashing to the living room, where you rifled through the post sat on top of the mantelpiece. 

There slotted in between this months Rolling Stone subscription and a local take away menu was a white envelope addressed to you. 

A Barbados post mark sitting in the top right corner.

Dropping the rest of the mail on the coffee table, you rushed back to your bedroom, locking the door immediately before sitting at the edge of your bed and taking in Matty’s scrawl of a penmanship. Running your fingers over the ink; your mind flashed back to that day. 

The day you realised he wasn’t okay. 

How completely out of it he was as you watched him at their last festival gig of the iliwys tour cycle. How utterly miserable he looked as he threw himself about the stage, looking just the shadow of the man you knew and loved.

You knew something wasn’t right as you watched from the side of stage with their manager Jamie. George ever the professional, had even broke his concentration bubble to catch your eye several times during their festival set, worry set in his features. 

The way your gentle giant walked straight up to you, stopped in front of you and just by the look in your eyes. Your face never one to hide your emotions. George wrapped his arm around you and without a single word, the pair of you knew you had to speak to the other boys about it. You needed to talk to him.

The night of the intervention. The way he screamed and shouted at you all. He admitted to using but he didn’t do it quietly. The way Ross stepped in front of you in defence when he swore at you. Hann’s hand wrapped tightly around your own, George’s hand squeezing your shoulder in support as your brown eyes glossed over as you took in the man in front of you. He wasn’t your Matty and you hated looking at him like this. 

You didn’t want to look at him at all and it broke your heart.

Slipping your finger into the envelope you finally tore it open, slipping out several pages of paper. You weren’t sure how long you were holding them before you actually unfolded them but it felt like a lifetime of contemplating before you managed to finally take a deep breath and compose yourself enough to read his words.

‘Darling,

As part of my recovery, I’ve been tasked to write a letter to everyone I’ve hurt and yours is the last one I’ve got to write. Not because you mean the least to me. Quite the opposite. Yours has been the hardest to write. Harder than Gabby. My Mam, Dad & Louis & the boys because you mean the absolute world to me. 

This is actually the third time I’ve attempted to write this. Admitting that I’ve hurt you is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. You know what I’m like, I’m a stubborn twat at the best of times but I needed to do this because you deserve this apology probably the most.

You’ve never once judged me and the fucked up things I do when I’m on one. Since we were kids you’ve stuck by my side, defended me when I really didn’t deserve it and loved me endlessly from the sidelines and I’ve definitely not deserved your love but you gave me it anyway.

Do you remember that time we were on tour in 2014 and I was fucked up on coke for god knows how many days in a row and you couldn’t even be in the same room as me that day on the bus when I was on that god awful come down on the way to North Carolina?

Yet you still didn’t say no when I selfishly came crawling to your bunk to interrupt your peace and quiet with my tail between my legs, asking to come lie with you. You could have told me to piss off but you didn’t, you let me squish myself into your bunk and your arms and let me sleep off my hangover in your arms without complaining once. I would have complained but you didn’t, you let me and my cold hands snake their way into your personal space like I hadn’t gotten on your last nerve just ten minutes prior. 

I’m quite a selfish person. You my darling are the most selfless person I know and I don’t deserve the good grace you’ve given me time and time again. Especially seeing as I dragged you along for the ride and then you’ve had to babysit me because I can’t control myself when it comes to drugs and showing off because I want everyone to like me.

You could have taken the tough love route, told me I’m a big fuck up and judged me for my drug use and tried to get me to stop (which probably would have have had the opposite effect out of defiance) but you didn’t. You silently kept an eye on me and made sure I didn’t end up killing myself. Until I took it too far.

I’ve seen you look at me with distaste over the years. Yet nothing compares to the way you looked at me that day you guys staged your intervention. I didn’t think you guys had noticed. I thought me and Miss H had this great big secret going on and I didn’t want to let any of you guys in on it because it would ruin what we had.

Yet you know me better than anyone. You and George both just knew that day. Of course you did. You’re my best friends. But you don’t know how happy I am the four of you staged that intervention and told me I needed to get my shit together.

When I think about the way I lashed out at you. The way your big brown eyes that usually sparkle with mischief when we’re with each other, glossed over as you just stood and took it and didn’t even raise your voice at me once. I can feel the lump in my throat tighten as I write this.

I deserved it you know. I deserved whatever fury was bubbling inside you because I was a class A cunt that day! I’m truly surprised Ross didn’t knock my head off and I wouldn’t have blamed him either if he had done!

I’m just so glad you did something because the thought of losing every single one of you shatters my soul so much, I would cease to exist without you.

I could sit here and write down the list of all things I’m sorry for but physically we don’t have the time or enough paper! But you should know that I am.

I’m sorry. 

For everything.

I’m doing okay. The best I’ve been in a long time. The only way being here might get better is if you were here too.

I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I’m begging for it because the thought of you hating me and not being able to trust me anymore kills me.

You really an angel on this earth.

I don’t deserve you.

I love you.

Yours Matthew x

p.s I cannot wait to be reunited with your tits! I’ve missed them!

You let out a chortled laugh as you read through the last line of the letter. Your hands quickly making their way to your face as you wiped the tears that were streaming from your face. The cuffs of your hoodie wet from where you’ve tried to stop the flow of tears. Pressing the letter to your chest, you took a few deep breaths to try compose yourself before you left the confinements of your bedroom.

Hurriedly shoving the letter into your handbag, so there was no chance Michael could stumble across your letter. He didn’t like Matty as it was, you didn’t want to give him ammunition to say anything. You grabbed your car keys and rushed out of the house without a word to your boyfriend and heading straight to Hann’s.

2020

You had broken up with Michael.

The red flags should have been there from the start really. He always had less than nice words to say about you and your relationships with the boys. He didn’t have a lot of nice things to say in general but you were blinded by love and the man he was when you first met that you didn’t see the red flags being waved right in front of your face until your heart (and self confidence) were already broken.

Your brother didn’t like Michael, he thought there was something off about him from the off but you put it down to Ross doing his job as your big brother but his opinion didn’t waver once in the four years you were together. George never liked how possessive he was and the fact he became even more so and tried to stop you from speaking to him after he found out about your night together. Which just fyi happened three years prior to meeting him, so he (everyone) was flabbergasted as to why he was so bothered! Hann. Your sweet angel of a bestie had even voiced how he didn’t like him and he was never one to be rude which should have also been a clue you were dating a dickhead.

Then there was Matty. Matty hated him. The feelings were mutual. Michael had told you plenty of times over your four years together that he hated your best friend but he would never tell you why. Matty told you it was because ‘he was a twat who didn’t deserve you’. You were obliged to agree because that mother fucker cheated on you!

Multiple women across the last two years of your relationship. 

To say you were stunned was an understatement yet it somehow made sense and fell into place so easily when you thought about it all. Yet that didn’t make it hurt any less. But a friend of yours sending you the evidence whilst you were on the last night of the UK tour was the final nail in the coffin that was your shitty relationship with him.

You weren’t sure who wanted to kill him more. Your brother? Matty? Or George? The three of them were raging amongst one another at their after party which should have been a celebration whilst Hann sat with his arms wrapped around you as you cried to him and Carly. You didn’t think anything would make you feel better apart from getting obliterated with your favourite people and forgetting about Michael and the impending doom that was about to be bestowed upon the entire world.

Matty was your saving grace.

Asked you to move in, without even hesitating. Naturally you said yes, sitting in your flat all by yourself whilst you cried over your douchebag of an ex during lockdown did not sound appealing to you. It was giving ‘Emma Pilssbury crying to Celine Dion in her car from Glee’ and you weren’t quite ready to hit that stage of your breakup depression just yet.

Two weeks turned into two months and then four months of lockdown but quite frankly you had never been happier. Living with Matty again, surprisingly was just as good the second time round if not easier. Except this time you weren’t poor, your kitchen roof wasn’t leaking and there was a 95% less drug taking which made your life a whole lot less stressful.

It was just easy with him. At some point whilst the world stood still, Matty and Tahliah broke up and then it really just was you two; doing your washing, fighting over who’s turn it was to use their club card during the weekly shop at Tesco and raising his (both of your’s) new dog, Mayhem.

The two of you had been getting ready to move into a studio tomorrow with George after four months of just the two of you playing house, the pair of them just itching to get back to work. You were aware that Matty had been writing already but you knew it would be full steam now Notes had been released and you wanted to make use of the time you had left just the two of you.

Only because you knew as soon as you got your hands on George. That was it! Not a chance Matty was getting any attention. You had missed your big friendly giant more than anything and you knew from your FaceTime with him last night whilst you couldn’t sleep that he was more than excited to see you too.

All three of you were sunbathing in the garden. Mayhem by your side as the two of you soaked up some much needed sun. The heatwave the UK was currently in the middle of was doing wonders for your skin. You had been lying in silence for the past thirty minutes, a book covering your face to block out the sun as you tried to read. Matty’s head in your lap as you presumed he was napping when you suddenly felt him turn over in your lap, now on his side and looking up at you.

Lifting the book ever so slightly, so you could peek underneath at him, you cocked an eyebrow as he watched you with a gentle gaze. “Yes?” Your tone rich with sarcasm as you stared back at him. “Anything actually going through that pretty head of yours Healy? What you thinking about?”

“Us.”

“Us?” You laughed. “What about us?”

“You remember my eighteenth birthday?”  He asked; peering up at you with a soft smile.

“The party?” Matty nodded. “I remember Ross stopping me from getting with Max! Remember him? I was gutted!”  You laughed. “Why?”

“You know that’s not what I meant?” Matty frowned slightly as he pouted at you.

“Of course I do.” You put your book down, your hands automatically reaching for what was left of his curls,“What about it?”

“You ever think about it?”

“Sometimes. Think we’ve done a fantastic job at keeping it from my brother! Especially with your big gob!”  You smiled down at him as you ran your hand through his curls gently.

“Funny!”  He sent a glare your way, causing you to laugh loudly at his attempt to be intimidating. 

“What’s got you thinking about that kiss from a million years ago anyway?”

“Wanking material.” He somehow managed to say without cracking smile.

It was your turn to shoot him a glare at his crudeness. It wasn’t long though until he was grinning up at you from his place in your lap. You pushed his head away from you in fake annoyance. God you couldn’t stand him sometimes!

“Ohh come on darling. I hear you sometimes! We all do it, you’ve got to think of something!” Matty tried to lighten the mood.

“Yeah I think about G’s 23rd birthday.” You smirked. Your vibrator was good but it wasn’t George. You couldn’t remember the last time you had a good orgasm and thinking it might have been before Michael makes you want to cry. Your confession/kind of a joke caused the grin to fall from his face and you almost felt bad, knowing he doesn’t want to hear about the incredible night you had with George because if anyone asked him, he absolutely did not want to relive it.

“I’m joking!” Your hand reached for his curls again. “Seriously though, what’s got you reminiscing about it. It’s been a long time.”

“Just thinking about how much I love you is all.” His confession made you stop. “What would have happened if we’d said fuck it and we ended up together.”

“I don’t think Ross would have been too happy. You saw how mad he got about G!”  You laughed nervously as you thought about stopping your brother from knocking his band mate out.

“He’d have gotten over it.” Matty was now leaning up on his arms, leaning forward to press a light kiss to your bikini clad torso before pressing several kisses in quick succession up your stomach until he was hovering over your chest and looking down at your face. “If we were happy, he’d have been happy. You know he would have been.”

His actions made you hold your breath. It being strangely intimate and probably the most intimate you’d been since you were teenagers. You wondered if he was actually going to kiss you again but he just looked down at you fondly.

“You know I’d do anything for you right?”  You nodded. “You’re one of the only people who makes me truly happy.  I’d literally go too far just you have you near. I’d go blind just to see you!”

You rolled your eyes at the dramatics of his statement but the sweet sentiment made you smile, you reached up to hold the side of his face in your hands. Your thumb sweeping over the apple of his left cheek. The pair of you just basking in the warmth of the sun and each other. Unsure how long you hadn’t said anything, Matty broke the silence in the most Matty way.

“Literally anything you need. I’ve got you for life sweetheart. A cuppa? A joint? An orgasm? I’m your man!” 

A chortle left your mouth as he cheekily beamed down at you, waiting for what he knew would be a somewhat sarcastic response. He didn’t realise he’d really set himself up for what you were about to say.

“Don’t worry I’m good. I’m seeing G tomorrow!”

The way his eyes narrowed at you made you cackle even louder as he finally jumped up off you, to walk back inside without another word. “I’m sorry!”  You laughed. “I promise not to shag George when I see him. I’m good with my vibrator I promise!”  You manage to sputter out through your laughter. “Stick the kettle on whilst you’re in there love.”  You shouted after him.

Matty threw you the middle finger over his shoulder which made you laugh even more as he went though the back door, Mayhem hot on his heels; knowing fine well he was going to put the kettle on and make you a brew just how you liked it because for as long as he can remember he’s never been able to say no to you and he didn’t think he’d ever will.

2023

The 1975 in Show and Concert was possibly your favourite tour that you’d been apart of with the boys. There was an accumulative of factors; the fact you weren’t the only girl on tour this time round, Carly had joined Adam with their son and Charli had come to as many shows as her own schedule permitted. You also had a little part to play at Matthew’s request (obviously!) donned in a white lab coat, you brought Matty a hot honey and lemon on stage every night and pottered about with the rest of the crew, making sure your brother and the rest of the band were all good before slipping off to watch the rest of the show from backstage.

Or it could have been that you and Matty were closer than ever. Ever since lockdown and the pair of you had been living together, everything seemed so simple that since restrictions were lifted, you just carried on living together. I think when George removed the last box of things from your old flat to take to Matty’s did it for him, that he just shook his head with a laugh. 

“You guys really are an old married couple!” He chuckled; slamming the boot close and jumping in the car before you could get a word in edgeways.

He wasn’t wrong, you guys did essentially everything together apart from have sex. Not that you hadn’t thought about it. Somewhere between moving into the studio with him and George and then your brother and Hann joining them to start recording their fifth studio album. You hadn’t shagged anyone in over a year and there was only so many times you could use your vibrator before you got bored and there wasn’t a cat’s chance in hell you were ordering a new toy to the studio because Matty didn’t have boundaries and absolutely would have opened it before you could even get the chance to get your hands on it.

You had also promised after day one; after one too many jokes and essentially mounting George at any given moment just to have him near you that you wouldn’t sleep with him. Even though a repeat of his birthday from seven years prior was literally so so temping to you! So what the hell were you going to do? The thought of dating apps made you want to vomit and hanging about bars really didn’t seem that appealing.

But Matty being Matty; was being overly affectionate one night after one too many glasses of red after a show, had the two of you giggling like teenagers and wondering if the two of you had gotten better at kissing since Matty’s 18th. Curiosity getting the better of the both of you, had you surging towards one another in a flurry of horniness after the kiss, was how you found yourself straddling his lap and snogging him like your life depended on it! Until you physically had to pull away to get your breath back and a rush of sense flashed through your brain. The two of you went to bed separately.

Neither of you spoke about it again.

Nor did you ever think about how the two of you were always drawn to each other no matter what shit storm was going on around you until now. You were just tying up the end of the UK leg of the tour, you and the band were in Ireland and Jamie had just told you that *The Scum* were running a horrendous article about Matty. This had in turn resulted in an argument after their penultimate show between the boys. 

You knew he did things in the heat of the moment whilst he’s on stage or says shit without thinking and it comes to bite him in the arse almost every time but he’d never do what they’re accusing him of on purpose.

But seeing your brother hurt by Matty’s stupid actions; the repercussions for not just himself but for the rest of the band, your brother, yourself just by association. It was enough for you to step in, in defence of your brother. He came before everyone else, every single time.

This you didn’t realise; had as big of an effect until you were stood frozen on stage in front of your brother, Matty in between you and Ross. Apologising to him, crying in front of thousands of people. How Ross hadn’t broke the facade and took him in his arms was beyond you because your brother’s face was currently blurry to you and he was stood a foot in front of you. Tears filled your brown eyes and were threatening to spill as Matty let his vulnerable side show in front of everyone. Something he never does.

You had done so well until he apologised once more; removing his hand from Ross’s arm and reaching behind him blindly to grab on to you. The tears automatically fell; the action enough to make Ross twitch in an ache to comfort you. Something he couldn’t do until the band had come off stage at the end of consumption.

After the final song of tour; the boys usually head on out for the after party. Tonight you had Matty back at the hotel in your room on his knees and begging for you. 

Begging for you to not leave him. Begging for you not to move out. Begging for you to stay by his side. Begging for you to still love him.

You furrowed your eyebrows as you looked down at the man in front of you; on his knees as his hands grasped at your legs, pulling you close as he hugged you as physically close as possible as he sobbed against your legs. Instinctively you reached for his curls, running your fingers through them softly.

“Baby. Look at me.” The softness of his curls tickled your thighs as he stayed pressed against you. “Matthew. Darling look at me.” 

You managed to loosen his grip enough to slide down on to your knees in front of him, taking a hold of his face in your hands as you eyes flitted across his face, smiling softly at him as he tried to calm himself down.

“I can’t lose you. I can’t lose any of you.” He shook his head, curls flying in front of his face. “But I can’t lose you darling. I can’t.”

“Matthew. Look at me. Why do you think you’re going to lose me? You’re never going to lose me. You’re kinda stuck with me!” You laughed. “And even if I decided to fuck off, my brother being your bassist kind of means I’m stuck with you anyway.” The grip on his face got tighter as his hands reached up to hold on to your wrists.

“But last night…”

“Ross and I just want you to use your brain sometimes before you do stupid shit! You’ve not lost either of us. I promise.”

“Promise?”

Your heart jumped into your throat at the swell of tears in his eyes and his lip quiver.

“Life. That’s how long you’ve got me for Healy. Promise.” As soon as you stopped speaking; Matty threw himself at you, arms around your neck and squeezing you so tightly you nearly stopped breathing. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you” Being repeated in your ear over and over as you squeezed him back, pressing your lips to the side of his face in consecutive kisses until he abruptly pulled away. Eyes red and looking at you so softly you thought he was going to cry again.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. You know I do.” You smiled at him warmly.

“No. It’s always been you.” He said as he reached for your hands and it felt like you had been hit in the chest. The sting of tears trickling up your face and threatening to fill your eyes as you silently took him in. You went to open your mouth but nothing came out.

“I know I always talk too much but just listen to me. I love you. Since we were kids I reckon, I was just too chicken to ever do anything.  When you kissed me on my 18th birthday. When you saw I needed help,  you saved my life sending me to rehab. Every day, I thought about getting home to you.  It’s what got me through every day. You make me a better man darling. When you take my shit when I don’t deserve it. When you make me a brew in the morning just how I like it. When you roll me a joint when you realise I’m too tense and in my head without me even having to ask. When you tell me to shut the fuck up before a situation escalates. When we go to big Tesco and walk the dog or do all the washing together. I fucking live for that shit because it’s with you. Fuck I’ve been writing songs about you for the past decade! You are intertwined with every era of this band sweetheart. I mean 60% of the last album is about you! ” He chuckled softly.

“What?” Managed to escape you in a gasp.

“Come on sweetheart. Some of this music has literally been out for ten years!”

“I - Just never - Why have you never said anything before now?” Your voice horse with frustration.

“I love your brother too much. But thinking I’d lost the two of you, just made me think fuck it. You deserve to know. You need to know.” Matty shrugged casually.

“That’s stupid.” Your deadpan tone, stunning him silent.

“Sorry?”

“Wasn’t it you that said to me that if Ross knew I was happy. That we were happy he wouldn’t care. He’d have gotten over it? And you’ve just subliminally been telling me you love me through music this entire time?”

“Yes?” 

You cocked an eyebrow at his hesitation, the questioning tone as your eyes flit across his handsome features. Cheeks tinged with pink due to his tears, his chest falling up and down rapidly at his confession as he awaited you answer. You still didn’t say anything, thinking about how to respond until you found the perfect response.

Surging forward you pushed your lips against Matty’s. Hands reaching for the curls you loved so much. Waiting for him to reciprocate felt like a life time but your Matthew was well equipped in the art of kissing you back so realistically it was 0.2 seconds after he had gotten over the shock.

You kissed him over and over again, not wanting to stop the feeling of how your lips moved against his, how his tongue felt against yours. You felt like you were on fire, he was intoxicating. He always was but fuck was he more than ever. Finally finding the strength to untangle yourself from him, chests heaving as you both got oxygen back in your lungs you said the words, the way he’d been wishing to hear for the past sixteen years.

“I love you too.”

When he was finally seen in public two days later on the eve of their Gorilla gig in Manchester. The fans noticed Matty was in higher spirits than he had been two days prior when his breakdown was caught on camera. You had been nervous to tell your brother but Ross claimed he already knew Matty was in love with you, he was just waiting to see if he’d actually grow some balls or not! Then he hugged you so tightly and whispered he was happy for the both of you, which in turn had you and Matty crying backstage in their green room as you found yourself in a 1975 sandwich! 

You don’t think you had seen Matty look so happy on stage in a long time. He loved touring but it was gruelling but seeing him on stage in this tiny venue with his best friends and his girl watching and waiting for him side stage. He couldn’t stop beaming. The fans noticed, the comments already flying in online about him. They increased tenfold when he jumped offstage, not waiting the ten second walk backstage before kissing you like his life depended on it.

The blurry picture of Matty holding your jaw in his hands as he kissed you in the shadows of the stage was on a 1975 update account within minutes.

Captioned: If you know you know. Finally 🖤

You were obliged to agree.

[charles-leclerc-official]

2024 Australian Grand Prix Race Analysis

Here is my Australian Grand Prix full race analysis, this got long because there was a lot to cover, table of contents below detailing the order of the post. 

Table of Contents Ferrari – Carlos: his race – Charles: his car setup and race – In depth data analysis Mercedes  – Lewis DNF  – George: his crash and his race – Fernando penalty Red Bull – Max DNF – Checo: his race  Mclaren  VCARB  – Yuki: his race – Yuki vs Daniel pace analysis Haas Stake Williams

Ferrari

Ferrari had Carlos starting at P2 and Charles starting P4. Right away Carlos went for the overtake on Max in the first few laps, and this is when he took the lead of the race.

Carlos finished P1 and Charles finished P2 for a Ferrari 1-2! 

Charles also got the fastest lap on lap 56 so Ferrari took all possible points this weekend.

Ferrari strategy: The Ferrari strategy was good. Full stop. I have seen a lot of takes on this and I want to put them to bed. 

Carlos was ahead, he qualified better and did take the lead. 

Charles was doing well, HOWEVER his pace especially on those mediums at the start of the race was off(due to the dirty air combined with heat). His car setup was not maximized for the race and we knew that already from qualifying. His tyres also cooked in the dirty air he was dealing with from Lando and Oscar in those early laps. This is where he lost a chunk of time. 

So with a car at the lead of the race and another being strong but statistically off the pace Ferrari made the choice to back the leading car.

The pit stops were timed perfectly. They avoided the undercut from Mclaren and kept both drivers on tyres they could push on when it counted(especially for Charles).

This was really exactly what Ferrari should have done given the circumstances of this particular race and the placement of their drivers. 

This race was not a repeat of Silverstone 2022. In fact quite the opposite. This really is promising for what Fred and the team can do the rest of the season strategy-wise. 

Carlos

Started P2 and finished in P1. As his first race coming off surgery that is to be commended and I would say that this was easily his best race(where he won at least). 

His overtake on Max wasn’t as impressive as it’s being hyped, because Max’s brake problem was already present(this is seen on telemetry) so I wouldn’t really say it’s that impressive, he would have had the lead anyway after Max DNFed.

I don’t really have a ton to add, it was a clean race, once he was ahead he kept the lead for the rest of the race and didn’t have to fight any other cars.

I want to dispel some narratives forming around Carlos' win:

“It was a gifted win”: No, Carlos qualified P2, he did overtake, and he finished the race, and the team supported him normally. Nothing was given to him. Was he lucky and in the right place at the right time? Yes, but that isn’t a gifted win. 

“Carlos ended Max Verstappen’s streak” : this makes it sound like he beat Max. And that just isn’t true. He overtook Max who was already having serious brake issues, and the reason Max lost/DNFed had nothing to do with Carlos’ driving. Carlos won, no reason to say it like this to try to make it sound better.

Charles

His race was decided in qualifying, and he knew it. It was confirmed after he did his first stint behind Lando. 

The Car Setup

First we need to talk about Charles car setup because it set the tone for the rest of the weekend:

For FP3 the team made adjustments to the balance of Charles’ car. This was done because while he was very fast during FP2 and FP1 he was losing time each lap to Max on turns 9 and 10. He was losing grip and that was costing time. While this wasn’t a concern for free practice this kind of thing would have potentially had much greater effects on race day. So changes were made to try to improve the grip.

Unfortunately they didn’t get these adjustments right. And in FP3 Charles had worse grip, which he noted. To compensate for the adjustment Charles and his team went for a very aggressive balance adjustment to the front wing of his car for qualifying. This was too extreme, and it ended up impeding his performance in qualifying. This was once again an over-correction and this is what cost him in qualifying. 

(It is also worth noting that in FP3 he set that fastest lap on the softs, which were not used during the race due to heat)

I say all this that while many were claiming Ferrari are not helping Charles and they were ruining his race, this suggests the opposite. In fact Ferrari were more focused on getting Charles’ car tuned to be more competitive against Max. Did they mess that up? Yes. I think a combination of over-correcting the issue and the hotter track temps contributed to this. However all of these factors do suggest that Ferrari is more focused on getting Charles dialed in to take Max. Even though this weekend's outcome might not feel like it reflects that, I think we will be very pleased when they do come through. And I fully believe that Ferrari will be able to do that for Charles this season. 

[Charles = Red Max = Blue Carlos = White]

Charles knew his race was decided in qualifying. He said as much, that it basically meant he wasn’t going to be able to push for the win(he meant against Max but I still think this statement stands) So he started further back and the balance and thus grip issues followed Charles on that first stint of the medium tyres and the second on the hards. 

Charles started P4 behind Lando Norris. And once again, this is when the way his race was managed was determined. He was in dirty air on that first stint, and well into the second stint. This is when it became clear that he was not going to be contending for the win to the team. So they made strategy calls accordingly.

On the second set of hards he did pick up the pace, made headway closing the gap to Carlos and got the fastest lap. 

His pace was off Carlos at the beginning of the race but by the end he was matching and surpassing it.

I want to dispel some narratives and misinformation being spread about Charles’ race and his car:

“The cooling duct replacement is why his car was off” : No, that cooling duct did not affect his performance this race. The car would have behaved differently if that had caused the pace issue. In fact the cooling duct probably helped him in this race overall. Not all parts replacements are bad, so don’t buy into narratives set by people who know nothing about the mechanical functions of these parts. 

“Charles didn't fight '' : again wrong. It was clear within those first ten laps he didn't have the pace with the dirty air he was in. Yes he picked up time at the end but that was too late. Charles knows all this, he knew which is why it was good to follow team orders and maximize points for himself and the team.

Furthermore he did fight. At the end of the race when he had the new hards he was closing the gap, he made some progress at that. If he'd had clean air earlier in the race he would have been able to push more. But at the end you could see him closing the gap, he just didn't have enough remaining laps to get close enough to Carlos. I do believe that at the pace he was going if Charles had 10 more laps he would have caught Carlos.

“P2 is bad” (for some reason?): P2 isn't bad, that’s a podium and a bunch of points. 

“They changed Charles' car!”: Charles had direct input into his car setup. The team didn't just change it on him without his knowledge or input, or without the need for it.

“Charles was faster” : yes and no. At the beginning Charles was not faster than Carlos. On average he was roughly four tenths off Carlos. However the race was pretty much decided by the time he did find the pace. Those last 10 or so laps were great. He was shaving off time with each lap and he ended up getting the fastest lap of the race! In fact he was faster than Carlos once he got into the clean air. So yes Charles was fast and on the last stint he was faster. But as a whole for this race his pace was on average 4 tenths off Carlos (which is very good, that is a close margin between the cars and looks promising for the SF-24 overall) It really just came down once again to that starting grid placement.

“Charles should have defied team orders” or “Team orders screwed Charles over”: again no. Most of the time it is good for a driver to follow team orders. Even if he had defied team orders I don’t think the outcome of the race would have been any different. He started too far behind Carlos, by the time he was out of dirty air Carlos was too far ahead. 

“Melbourne is his strongest track” : nope. Charles has said himself that this isn't his strongest track. People think this because of his grand slam, however that was an exception not the rule. 

I also want to address the idea that they should have made Charles and Carlos switch. It’s insane to expect a team to ask a driver who is in first and having no issues to swap with his teammate. Especially with such a large gap between them. That is so far outside of what would be considered acceptable. I understand the urge to want your favorite to get everything(I grit my teeth as I type this because yes I wanted this too), but I don’t even think Charles would want a win like that. 

Charles is smart. He knows race strategy. He knew right away what the call would be given where he was. If he'd had the pace and positioning to fight for P1 he would have told the team. He already knew his race wasn’t optimized during quali, that’s why he went with the Ferrari strategy. 

The performance this weekend falls mostly on Ferrari for not maximizing the setup configuration of Charles’ car. Also just some bad luck and track conditions. In spite of all that Charles ran a great race that put him in P2 in the WDC.

Finally, remember it’s important to know when you can and should fight. Charles is smart, he knows based on his car and conditions when he can fight. Expecting someone to fight regardless of the conditions being optimal for it is just not realistic, and it doesn’t really lead to good outcomes. 

Charles isn't perfect. Dialing a car for your driving style on a particular track is hard and sometimes you get it wrong, especially when there are last minute changes(which I will repeat were needed). We've seen this before with many many teams.

He got the fastest lap on used hards, and he took P2 for a clean Ferrari 1-2 and that is what we love to see. In fact his was the more impressive performance overall as far as on track driving goes in a Ferrari this weekend. 

Charles is fast, and he will be fighting again in future races. 

Comparing Charles' and Carlos' pace

So now we are going to look at some telemetry that reflects the story of the race as I have told it. Going over some details of note.

Comparing fastest lap: Charles to Carlos

Comparing Charles and Carlos full race pace

You can see that once Charles got clean air he was matching Carlos pace at worst and beating it at best. He was pushing those last few laps for some real speed. The first ten laps where Charles had the most dirty air to contend with were his worst. The switch to the hards helped with this. Once he was on fresh hards in the final 24 laps he was matching Carlos pace or beating it.

Carlos also lost most of his time at turn 10(especially compared to Max) and also turn 6. So we know his car was having the same problem, but nothing was done to try to maximize. It may be he didn’t want to change any more settings, or Ferrari really did give priority to Charles in this regard, it’s impossible to say. But both cars had this problem. 

The big focus of the weekend was trying to gain pace and work out the issues on turn 10. In this way Charles actually did get priority with Ferrari trying to get it figured out for his car. 

I also don’t think that Ferrari struggling with the car setup for Charles is indicative of anything very concerning. Multiple other teams had issues managing grip and getting car settings right for track conditions (Red Bull being the prime example) So it doesn’t look like they were uniquely struggling in this area.

This race did show us that the SF-24 is a good base to work with and is firmly ahead of the rest of the field with the potential to give Red Bull some trouble. 

Anyway I know that was long but I wanted to leave no doubt about what happened and to show the proof.

Mercedes

Mercedes as a whole had the worst weekend of any team. With Lewis' DNF due to engine failure, and George's DNF due to the reckless actions of another driver. This weekend’s result definitely isn’t either driver’s fault.

Lewis

Lewis had to retire after his car suffered an engine failure. The W15 has not been living up to expectations. Not much else to say, clearly not his fault and that car has been giving him trouble all season so far. It is very much a case of it's the car's fault not the driver's. 

George

Content warning I will be discussing his crash on lap 58 in detail.

George had a decent race. He was ahead of his teammate at the start and he was chasing down cars. 

On lap 58 George crashed out, he lost the rear of the car, went into the gravel and that caused one of the tyres to catch, sliding under the car enough to flip it sideways. The car came to a stop in the middle of the track just after turn 6.

A yellow flag and virtual safety car was deployed. 

George called repeatedly for a red flag, stating that he was in the middle of the track. He was clearly scared and terrified he might be hit at any moment.

Fernando Alonso: The reason George lost control is because he was behind Fernando, who going into turn 6 slowed unusually, causing George to have to drive erratically as a response. This “brake check” is what caused George's crash.  The stewards investigated after the race and issued a 3 place grid penalty to Fernando.  Now I am not going to speculate too much on if Fernando did this brake check on purpose or if it was - as he claim - due to a throttle issue he was having. He either drove recklessly, or maliciously(or some combination of both), either way it is deserving of a penalty. I suspect that the answer lies in the middle but I can't read minds. We can only go off of his account and whether or not we believe his version of events.  I do however agree that regardless of if the braking was intentional or not it warranted a penalty. That was extremely dangerous, causing a serious crash that easily could have ended in severe injury or a fatality if the gap to the next car hadn't been great enough. In fact we saw that Lance’s engineer was frantically telling him to slow down, if he hadn’t been as far behind as he was this would have likely ended so much worse.

The session should have been red flagged. A major crash leaving a driver in the middle of the track is a call for an instant red flag. But the stewards went with yellow and a VSC. That call was unacceptable. I suspect they didn't put up the red flag because it was the last lap of the race and they didn't want a controversial finish. If they had it’s possible we see the leading Ferrari’s have the chance to battle it out, or even Lando to compete closer to the front. Yes, anyone beating Carlos at this point after he was easily going to win would have caused controversy. But it’s better to have a controversial race than to literally compromise the safety of a driver. This serves the FIA who recently were under investigation for a race call that favored Fernando. They didn’t want any more race press like that. So they made a call that put George's life in further danger. 

It's unacceptable. Calls like this cannot be allowed to slide. I trust that George is making his feelings on the matter very clear. 

I am relieved that George is okay, and I hope we do not have to go through this again.

Red Bull

Max

Well we all saw it, Max had to retire his car on lap 3 due to his brakes catching fire. Right away he was on the radio noting a problem with the brakes. Smoke started to plume from the car on lap 3, and it was a full fledged fire by the time he pulled into the pits. 

The exact cause for the fire is unclear, but it is likely a stuck caliper given how Max described the problem (imagine trying to go 250 mph with your parking brake on) That sticky feeling likely means the caliper wasn’t positioned correctly. The quality of the brakes has also been called into question, and I wouldn’t be surprised but we don't have any conclusive information on that.

I feel for Max, after having such a streak in F1 to have to retire due to a mechanical failure outside of your control has to be very hard. I’m quite sure he’ll be fighting like hell in these coming weekends.

Sergio

Sergio’s race is interesting because Red Bull had been having problems dialing the RB-20 to the track all weekend, this was most evident in Max’s feedback. But both drivers had trouble getting the grip right. I think this is mainly due to a setup problem with the car. Starting in P6 and finishing P5. I am not sure even if he hadn't taken that starting grid penalty if he would have been on the podium given some of the consistent issues the RB-20 has this weekend. It does seem that overall given his placement and circumstances he had about as good of a drive as was possible.

One thing we did learn was that this RB-20 isn’t infallible, and sometimes they too get things wrong. 

Mclaren

The most notable thing about Mclaren’s race was the team order to have Oscar swap positions with Lando. Now this hurt, as an Oscar fan this hurt(it’s his home race) however I understand why they made the call. Lando’s pace was better, and if they were going to have a chance of catching Charles they needed him in front. Doesn’t mean it felt great though. 

The reason Oscar’s pace was off Lando even though so far he’s been doing much better at matching(or exceeding) Lando’s pace was tyre management. Oscar is still getting better at tyre management, and on a high deg track with the heat that weakness in his driving made the difference in pace between them. 

It's pretty clear looking at the telemetry data that Lando was just more consistently faster the entire race. This pace difference really comes down to Lando's tyre management being better. They are still clearly very close, however a podium was on the line and that matters when you're in contention for top 3.

Haas

After Ferrari I think Haas may have had the best race overall. They had a 1-2 to finish out at the back end of the points. The race management and pace of the car has really succeeded expectations so far. Their best race yet, and the best performance from both drivers. I have been enjoying watching Haas just keep surprising in the best way possible.

VCARB

Yuki

Yuki saw his first points of the season! While he originally finished P8 he was promoted to P7 when Fernando received his penalty. This put VCARB ahead of the rest of the mid-field in points and is really showing that Yuki is the VCARB driver to watch. He's really shown that he's comfortable in the car and I am excited to see what else he can do this year.

The shocking thing at VCARB is how far off Daniel is from Yuki's pace. He has struggled in the car every race and has not been able to catch up with Yuki. A difference between teammates this large is cause for concern. After examining possible causes and what Daniel himself has said about the car, it seems that he is just really struggling to find the pace and the cause hasn't been found. As it stands it seems a driver incompatibility issue.

Yuki vs Daniel's pace

Yuki vs Daniel's fastest lap. You can see that they are very similar but where Yuki is picking up that extra time is on high speed corners and the straigts.

The race pace also confirms what we are seeing in a lot of teams that this was decided in qualifying. Daniel's race pace wasn't so far off Yuki, but because he was further back at the start due to not being able to match Yuki (and also having a lap time deleted for exceeding track limits) he started in P18 and finished P12.

If Daniel wants to keep his seat he is going to need to drastically improve his qualifying performance.

Stake

Stake is really embarrassing themselves this year with the pit stops. They hobbled both of their drivers this race with pit stops lasting over 30 seconds. Every race so far this year they have had absurdly long pit stops. I have no idea why, I am going to say sheer incompetence. But this doesn’t reflect at all the actual skill of either of their drivers. Zhou also had to run with a damaged front wing because they didn’t have a spare for him after his was damaged on the curb during qualifying. We still have not really seen what the 2024 Stake car is actually capable of and that is the fault of the garage and the team, not the drivers. 

Williams

Alex: Alex was the sole Williams driver this weekend. He stepped into Logan’s car after his crash during FP1 severely damaged his own. He ran a clean race and finished just outside the points. The most important thing this weekend was not to do anymore damage to the car and he did that. 

Whew, that is all I have to say about the insanity that was the 2024 Australian Grand Prix. If you made it this far thank you for reading and I will be back for more race analysis when we go to Japan!

[peoplesprincessgeorge]

F1 drivers favourite philosopher

(if they cared to philosophize)

charles - kirkegaard - twink4twink, catholic guilt4protestant guilt. the way he believes in ferrari is giving leap of faith.

fernando - nietzsche - obvious pick, the man believes in power and making yourself and being better than others.

alex - Buddha - no other choice, the man is a buddhist and i believe Buddha is a philosopher as much as a prophet so.

george - de beauvoir - i'm not saying this man is a feminist icon, however, i am saying he would deeply relate to making yourself into what the world needs and expects from you. "one isn't born a mercedes nmr 1 driver, but rather becomes one."

pierre - camus - aside from the song about suicide on his playlist, he get's that the world is absurd, and being at alpine is truly being sisyphus trying to be happy.

yuki - diogenes - the meaning of life being pleasure and pissing people off? yeah, yuki gets it.

carlos - aristotles - being unnecessarily detailed and stickler for rules? need i say more. (also i think i should be on top because i'm the best)

logan - smith - old school freedom, easy and straightforward, everything adds up with smith.

kevin - hegel - i don't understand either of them but there is a lot of chaos going on, maybe greatness if it could be translated in a way that makes sense for anyone else.

zhou - confucius - love and respect for china and the way of things.

lewis - sartre - we are so free it's a burden. keeps telling poor kids they could do anything they want if they just believed in themselves.

nico - kant - everything will be ok if you find and believe in your inner morale u know? also german.

bottas - rousseau - i can see bottas being a believer in humans being good, and nature being where we should be. the noble savage gives very finnish man vibes.

oscar - descartes - gotta cover the basics before you can progress. oscar sure thinks and sure is. also think he would really vibe with his interpretation of free will.

lando - machiavelli - the struggles of being a nepo baby is hard. but also he would like his humoristic and direct approach while tackling the most fundamental questions.

esteban - arendt - he loves superheroes, he would really like the concept of the banality of evil (and the implications that bad guys just need to be beat up)

lance - locke - as nepo baby he would appreciate the idea of the liberal constitutional democracy being fair, as a result of his relationship with his father he would believe in the idea of the tabula rasa.

max - hobbes - max intimately understands and respects the need for a hard, central authority figure. he also understands the underlying violence of human nature.

checo - augustine - checo is a catholic, that is all.

daniel - socrates - going around annoying people and being funny and never shutting up? it's a match.

[fiveredlights]

I need to know the process of max and daniel telling people in glitter. I mean, obviously there were 80 billion people who found out based on everyone being at their wedding, them casually mentioning it at f1 shoots, obviously the teams knowing, etc, but the key first reveals? Who knew, how they told them, how they took, etc, I want to know all! Also, I want all the insight of them in 2022 that you’re up for sharing with how they navigated the emotional minefield there, because the snippet you shared about the two shows such a interesting glimpse into max being in the peak of his career while his boyfriend is falling and suffering and barely eating and forcing smiles when he’s never had to before. Sorry, two very broad questions in one ask, but since we as outsiders don’t have the details, I definitely have some curiosities around these bigger topics.

Final, actually more specific question: how is Daniel with the cats?

yes, i will say that this socmed format def has one downfall and it's not being able to share the deeper details but i am very happy to just dump all of this here, hope this satisfies some of your curiosities anon!

how max and daniel tell everyone:

charles is absolutely the first person max and daniel tell, and that's just because he was the first person to catch an inkling that they may want to be more than friends. that's done with a facetime with max and daniel (which is in ch 3, charles' post). he was basically the driving force to getting maxiel together-- they got together after daniel invited max to stay in his house in perth during COVID, there’s a kookaburra called gary that taunts max to make the first move, it’s a whole thing--charles basically forced daniel to invite him over. but also, there are definitely drivers who thought they were already dating, here's a snippet from the new year's day fic, a conversation between daniel and nico hulkenburg during singapore, 2019.

Are you two okay?  We’re fine I know you don’t like talking about him but you’re okay right?  It’s awful when you fight with your partner, but I guess it��s worse for you cause you have to race him the next day.  Nico What We’re not dating Oh Did you think I was dating Max this whole time?! Does Max know that 

i don’t think they tell the rest of the drivers, probably just the ones they’re close with. if charles knows, pierre knows. when max told alex he was going to stay in australia, he laughed really loudly, gave a pat on the back to max and said “charles told me you two were always weird about each other” and walks away. so make of that what you will. they don’t tell george, he finds out from someone and feels instantly betrayed as leader of the daniel ricciardo fanclub but gets over it quickly. no one tells sebastian but they both get a “Congratulations. — Sebastian” text one random day.

max’s sister instantly finds out when he doesn’t come back to europe for lockdown. daniel doesn’t tell his mum till max has left to go back to the UK before the season starts again, but she already knew (he wore a red bull shirt with 33 on it whilst they socially distanced exchanged food with each other).

the red bull team find out during a meeting where daniel walks through the living room with a basket of laundry. they don't say anything there, but daniel receives a vague message from a number he doesn't recognise basically being like treat him right etc etc (it's GP.) the renault team were under the impression that they were dating the whole time, so no shock from them.

but i think for the first two years (2020-2022) they try and keep it as much as a secret as they can, especially because of how turbulent their careers were at that time. when daniel has his pseudo 6 month sabbatical and is back with red bull, that’s when they slowly start to talk about their relationship around everyone more. (with the help of some very strong NDAs i imagine to stop stuff from leaking. but people probably respect them enough to not leak. it’s a fictional universe, people are nicer here.)

2022:

2022 is a real turning point for them. as you put very nicely, max is at the peak of his career, daniel has never been lower. i think for both of them it's a do or die point of their relationship--i think they were kind of stuck in this honeymoon period during the first year of the relationship, but daniel going through a depressive period snaps them both out of it. obviously, i can only speak for my own fictionalised daniel ricciardo and my own experiences, but i think he just slowly stops trying. like here's what i wrote, and i think it just encapsulates what daniel feel internally throughout the year:

“Sometimes I think you are not angry enough about it. You used to fight back everything you did not like at Red Bull and now Lando says you just sit there in meetings and accept all the bad things they’ve thrown at you.”

he’s tried being nice about it, he’s tried being angry about it and none of it works, so why try anymore? but also this is when max realises that daniel needs something tangible for him to realise that max is in it for the long run, which is how the tattoo is born. it doesn’t fix all their problems, time will help, but it’s a nice thing. he doesn’t tell max but max getting a no.3 tattoo is basically a marriage proposal in his eyes and frankly it is—if someone came up to me and was like hey i got a tattoo of your racing number 3 next to where you always place your hand on me and when they’re together it reads 33 which is my racing number, i would’ve dragged their ass to the nearest government office and got married right there, but that’s just me—the actual proposal is probably in early 2023, and it’s max who proposes whilst they go on a bushwalk, he knew that daniel has bought a ring recently and wanted to catch him off guard. (proposal pic is daniel’s post on august 5th in ch3)

daniel and the cats:

the cats definitely hate him at first (i have genuinely never heard a nice, calm story from jimmy and sassy). they destroy his shoes by playing with the shoelaces, only sit on daniel’s clean laundry, sleep on his side of the bed (cats are vindictive like that) but after a couple weeks of this behaviour they probably realise that daniel’s not going anywhere. they like him more when he buys some super duper expensive cat treat and max comes to the conclusion his boyfriend has stolen the hearts of his cats.

[graciegoeskrazy]

xcx!r insta part 3

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dh2 launch party

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fan1 YAY GEORGE

y/n.aitchison ooooo fancy

y/n.aitchison we got dh2 before gta 6!!!!

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charli_xcx charli xcx and george daniel fucking for life!!!!!

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trumanblack i cry🥹

y/n.aitchison it’s about time like omg istg

y/n.aitchison cute! didn’t need the details but cute!

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y/n.aitchison summer 24 = lots of friends lots of fam lots of love

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fan1 very brat summer of you

fan2 y/n r u gonna be in the wedding be honest

y/n.aitchison @fan1 y yes ofc im the officiant of the whole thing obvi

[faofinn]

6. Sick and Injured

His body was on fire, sirens and shouts and flashes of bright light overwhelming him. Everything merging into just too much. He couldn't do it, couldn't hold on, so he let go, the sudden snap of relief just welcome blackness. There was no fight against whatever was holding him down, forcing each breath down his throat. He was dying, he was sure of it, and he was just so exhausted. It wasn't giving up. or giving in, it would just be a rest, just a break. 

"Everyone ready? Yeah, Okay. This is Finn, he's 22 and has quite the extensive medical history. He was found by a member of the public on the side of the road, confused and combative. When we arrived, he was in and out but very agitated. Apparently witnessed falling over a few times, initially query intox, but has a medic-alert bracelet on his backpack - He's known epileptic from a TBI, with EDS, POTS, chronic pain, fatigue and a few other mental health conditions. 

"When he's fallen, he seems to have hit his head multiple times, he's got two reasonable sized lacs to the left side of his head, and one across his eyebrow. No boggy masses, but cheekbone feels deformed. Obvious dislocation, possible break to left shoulder / collar bone, looks pretty unstable at the minute.

"He is cannulated and tolerating an OP at the moment. He had a possible 30 second seizure as we moved to the ambulance, and he's gone a lot more vacant in the last three minutes or so.

"He's got a temp of 38.6, tachy at 126, hypotensive 98/76. bm of 6.2. Sats have been 92 on air, came up to 96 on 15L. Reduced air entry globally, nothing being shifted on the right base, sounds very congested and crackly there. We've got NOK details from his alert card, so can give them a call while you guys get him sorted, if there's nothing else you need from us?"

When Sheila had called Fao in the middle of the night to say his brother had disappeared, he had to admit it hadn’t quite been what he’d expected. He’d known Finn was struggling with a chest infection of some description, and they’d been worried about seizures, and so he expected the call to be from his mum saying they’d had to go to A&E. 

He’d been sitting up with a cup of tea, just in case Finn turned up at his place, when his phone rang again, showing as No Caller ID. He snatched it up, immediately hitting answer. 

“Hello?”

"Hi, is that, uh, Faolan?"

He winced. “Yeah, that’s me.”

"In just ringing about your brother, a Finn Daniels?"

He sighed. “What’s happened?”

"He's been brought into the ED, he's…he's quite unwell at the moment. It might be best if you were able to come in?"

“Has he had a seizure?” Fao asked, glad he was already dressed. “I’m on my way in.”

"I think it's best if we explain in person."

Oh, fuck. That didn’t bode well, and Fao felt a cold fear run through him. “George’s? I’ll be there in ten.”

"Yeah. Did you want to let the family know? Or would you rather I called them?"

“I’ll call them.”

"Thank you."

“Thanks for calling me.” Fao murmured. 

"I'm sorry it's not good news. Be safe getting in."

“Mm, thanks.” Fao said softly, before he put the phone down. He drained his mug, shoved his shoes on and grabbed his stuff before he woke Ollie to tell him he was going and he didn’t know when he’d be back. The drive to hospital was quick, Fao definitely not speeding. He called Sheila on the way, explaining what little knew, and soon he’d found somewhere to park and rushed into the hospital. 

Finn had continued to swing between agitated and not, the staff only growing more concerned. He'd been sedated slightly, mainly just to get him through CT, but they'd still yet to get a coherent response from him. Even the mention of Fao coming to see him didn’t seem to break through, Finn staring blankly through them. 

When Fao finally got to the reception desk, he felt like he was going to lose his mind. He hated not knowing anything, whoever he’d spoken to on the phone so vague and unhelpful. Yes, he appreciated things were best discussed in person, but an idea was helpful. He didn’t even know if this was a seizure, though with what Sheila had told him it was somewhat likely. 

They took him through, but he wasn’t allowed straight into resus, instead shown the relatives room to wait. He paced up and down like a caged tiger, his hair a mess from how many times he’d run his fingers through it, though it fell in his face all the same. 

There was a sharp knock on the door, all too clinical and harsh for the situation. "Hi, is it Fao?"

Fao stopped pacing. “Yeah. What’s going on? Nobody’s told me anything.”

"Sorry about that, do you want to have a seat?"

“Is he alive?” Fao barely dared to ask the question. 

They softened, giving him a small smile. "He is, he's currently in our resus bit. He's very not well at the minute, and we're waiting to get him stable enough to take up to ICU."

That wasn’t unusual for Finn, as awful as that was. His shoulders slumped with relief that his brother was still alive, and he scanned the doctor’s face to try and work out what was going on. “Was it a seizure? He’s had an infection brewing and that always sets him off, are we talking status? If you’re waiting on ICU I’m assuming he’s been tubed? Have you spoken with his consultant? I think he was looking at trying to arrange an admission anyway.”

"We're not entirely sure what's been going on. He was picked up at the roadside, by the sounds of it he'd fallen quite a few times. He's got some pretty significant head injuries at the moment. We've not intubated him yet, no, but it's looking likely that's the way it's heading. He's currently just about managing with some extra support, but it's…he's got a significant chest infection, pneumonia, and we're not sure if the falls he's had has made it worse, but his lungs aren't working as they should be." He sighed. "We've not been able to really have a chat with him at all, he's been very agitated and quite combative, so we've sedated him a little bit, for his safety. He currently has a little piece of plastic in his mouth, just to help him keep his airways open. It's not the most comfortable for him, but he needs it with the medications and the stuff going on."

Evidently this was going to be a long conversation, and Fao was sore from the sheer amount of pacing he’d been doing. He sat down, nodding. “Alright. I got a call off my mum about an hour ago saying he’d gone missing and was he at mine.” He murmured. “Has he had a CT for the head injuries? He can be really agitated and combative especially when he’s feeling overwhelmed. He doesn’t like to be touched, he doesn’t like a lot of people around him, especially after a seizure. I’m happy to give you any social or medical history that would help you out. He really hates things on his face, it’s a struggle to keep oxygen on him when he’s postictal, he’s a nightmare. He doesn’t always tolerate the OP well as he comes around so you’re best keeping him sedated a bit. He’s well known to ICU, his seizures unfortunately often lead to him in status and needing to be intubated.” He wasn’t trying to tell this doctor how to do their job, but it was hard when this was his little brother. 

"That's very helpful to know, thank you." They said, and meant it. "We're just currently waiting on the CT report, so we'll be able to give you a bit more insight then. Unfortunately his agitation has been pretty constant, even when left alone. And, with the infection, he needs to be on the oxygen, he's not managing without it at the moment."

“Yeah, I appreciate that.” Fao said. “He’s epileptic from a tbi as a ten year old, he always really struggles with his seizures when he picks up infections, and he’s been through some difficult personal stress in the last six months or so as well as some meds changes which have also made his seizures more difficult to control.”

"Of course. You can come and sit with him, if you'd like? I will warn you he does have quite a few injuries, he might not look quite like himself. 

“Nothing I can’t handle, I’m sure. I was with him when he had his initial TBI.” Fao said, standing up. “I’d like to see him.”

"I can't imagine how difficult that must have been."

“Makes Afghanistan look like a walk in the park.”

"Did you serve?"

He nodded. “Four tours, medical corps.”

"Wow, that's a lot."

“Yeah. Can I see my brother now?”

"Of course. Can i get you a cup of tea? Coffee?"

“I’m fine, thanks.” 

"Alright, just let me know. I'll let you though."

“Thanks.” Fao said, following him through into Resus. It was busy as always, though it was familiar to him now. His eyes flicked over to the bays, trying to find his brother’s. He hated this, being on the back foot with him. As much as moving out had been so much better for his mental health, it had its challenges too. 

Finn was crowded with doctors and nurses, poking and prodding at him. Unlike normal, he was too still, too quiet. While they'd obviously tried to clean the blood from his head injuries, each period of agitation had quickly opened them back up. His shoulder was almost in a sling, though it was clear he'd fought against that not so long ago. 

Fao’s eyes flicked critically over the monitors, trying to gauge where Finn was at. Not great. He took a moment at the foot of the bed, watching them work. Finn really didn’t seem like Finn, though at least he wasn’t fighting them in that moment. He fiddled with the lighter in his pocket,something to keep his hands busy. He’d instinctively reached for his tags, but they weren’t there any more, and he needed something to do. 

One of the nurses caught sight of Fao in her peripheral. "Hi, you must be Finn’s brother?"

Fao nodded. “Yeah. Sorry to linger, I didn’t want to interrupt you all.”

"No, no, of course not. Come on, you can come say hi to him."

Fao pushed through to come along side his brother, a stark contrast to how he usually was at work. They’d not recognised him yet, but he hadn’t been there long, and he was likely just another faceless surgeon when he was down there. He gently reached out to take Finn’s hand, cautious of a reaction from him. 

“Hey, Finn. It’s me, it’s Fao.”

Fao's voice, as it always seemed to, managed to break through to Finn. He blinked at Fao, his gaze dropping to their hands. 

“Hi. Got yourself into a bit of a mess, eh?”

"Oh, he definitely recognised you there." The nurse smiled, fussing over Finn. "Bet you're glad he's here, yeah? You'll have had him worried sick."

Fao squeezed his hand. “You’re a nightmare, you know that? Causing all this lot trouble, too. Look at you.”

The recognition he'd had quickly vanished, Finn looking straight through the lot of them. He pulled his hand from Fao's to rub at his face, his hand coming back red.

“It’s okay.” Fao soothed. “Do you think I could try and clean these wounds for him? I’m a doctor, I’ve got ID somewhere.” He asked, digging around in his pockets. 

"We shouldn't…" She hesitated. It was the most settled Finn had been, and the closest any of them had gotten to him. "I'll grab you some supplies."

He finally found his ID, the lanyard jangling. “Here, and I can give you my GMC if you want to document it.” He said, offering it to her. “Thank you.”

"Ah, brill. You know what the paperwork is like. Do you want a seat?"

“That would be great, thank you.”

"Won't be long." She said softly, resting her hand on his arm before disappearing off. 

“Thanks.” He murmured, leaning on the rails of the bed whilst he waited, watching his brother carefully. 

Finn seemed to fade back in, catching his brother’s eye and holding his gaze. A frown flickered across his face and he shoved his arm in Fao's general direction with a groan.

Fao took his hand. “Hey. Bet you feel shit right now, eh?”

He spat the plastic from his mouth, dislodging the mask on his face.  "My chest hurts."

“Mask needs to stay on, Finn.” Fao told him, but didn’t move to adjust it. “It’s going to hurt, you’re not well.” 

"Then help." He narrowed his eyes, his chest crackling with each breath. The cough didn't take long to follow, but Finn didn't move to cover his mouth or turn his head. 

“Here, let’s get this back on.” Fao said, adjusting the mask. “I know it’s horrid, but it will help you out.” He was definitely out of it, though seemed more coherent than before - coherent enough to complain, anyway. 

Finn scowled as Fao got close, but whatever argument he had planned was quickly lost. His arms stretched out, his shoulder dislocating once more, and his back arched in a seizure. His eyes were fixed in the corner as he groaned, his body contorted and stuck. It finished as quickly as it had started, the extra exertion making Finn struggle and cough.

Shit. 

Fao winced as Finn’s shoulder slipped out of place again, as his back arched and the seizure took him. He was about to hit the emergency bell when it stopped, Finn struggling with his breathing again as his body tried to catch up. He considered going to find someone as the nurse reappeared, chair in hand. 

“He’s just had a seizure, all of about two seconds long, and that shoulder’s gone again.” 

She winced. "Ah, bless him. I'll get some more diazepam for him. The anaesthetists are on their way down, they'll probably have a chat with you. You probably know them, at least better than you know us."

“Maybe, yeah. I’ve not been here long. He needs his neuro really.”

"I think it's Dr Cunningham on this evening."

“Perfect.” Fao said, unable to stop the smile. “He’s Finn’s main consultant.”

"Oh, that's worked out well then." She said gently, moving to check on Finn. 

The younger man had returned to his vacant staring, though still struggled to catch his breath. His saturations hovered just under acceptable, and the doctor sighed from behind them.

"We'd hoped to wait, but I think we should go ahead and get that chest drain in now."

Fao hummed. “Worth doing whilst he’s a bit more settled than he has been.” He took a seat gladly in the chair the nurse had brought him, stroking gently through Finn’s hair. 

"Right, let's get an airway dump, just in case, and then give him a little more sedation. No point making it worse for him."

“Can I stay with him?”

"He's fine to stay." The nurse told the doctor. "He's fine."

Fao glanced at the doctor, relieved the nurse seemed to be on his side. He couldn’t leave Finn again, he just couldn’t. Besides, clearly he was doing something right, because his brother was settled. 

"We'll get you to sit on his other side, yeah? We might have to move you, so just bear with." The doctor happily listened to the nurse. "How are we getting on with that sedation? Got it? Brilliant. Let's get this done for him."

[forthegothicheroine]

(Horror) movies seen in 2023: Hangover Square (1945)

This September and October, I will attempt to see and review as many new-to-me horror movies as I can!

In his annotated lyrics, Stephen Sondheim cited Hangover Square as a primary influence on Sweeney Todd- specifically, the way the score enhanced the gothic melodrama. As soon as a whistle screeches when Laird Crager clutches his head in his hands, you’ll see why.

The ominously named composer George Bone (Crager) is haunted by lost time. Why does his memory seem to vanish when he becomes absorbed in his work, and what does he do during those missing hours? He isn’t at all comforted by his unfaithful lover or his dour doctor (the latter played by the always sinister George Sanders.) His only supportive friend, Barbara, tries to assure him that he needs to focus more on his music, not less, but he continues to be haunted by what we would today called fugue states. Fugue, you may recall, is also a musical term. Perhaps you’ll recognize it from Toccata and Fugue in D Minor, a classical piece so sinister it has become a horror film cliche.

In the Snarkout Boys children’s books by Daniel Pinkwater, Rat, a scary punk girl obsessed with Old Hollywood movie stars, is noted as a particular Laird Crager fan. I bet this was her favorite movie.

The black and white era often saw classical music being played in-universe to disturbing effect. Consider the pianist staring at his own hands in horror in The Hands of Orlock and its remake Mad Love, or the conductor at his stand fantasizing about murder and suicide in Unfaithfully Yours, or the church organist dissociating while playing in Carnival of Souls. Perhaps we see less of this now because classical concerts have become the domain of hardcore music fans rather than general gatherings of the upper class. Still, the close-up face of an artist sweating and closing their eyes as they physically hammer away at the notes remains haunting.

The line between thriller and horror is tenuous at best, and Hangover Square, I would argue, crosses it. (It’s certainly not much of a mystery- I would have liked one more twist, at least.) Poor George isn’t haunted by any physical ghost, but by himself. If he can’t remember what that bundle was that he tossed into the bonfire on Guy Fawkes Night, does it matter whether demonic possession, mental illness or a mundane crime of passion caused it? If he finds himself lost, with no understanding of how he came to wake up where he is, the streets of London might as well be those of hell. Did Dr. Jekyll need his famous potion, or can our minds play the very same tricks on us?

For all that 1940s psychiatry was still a developing science, they understood what it felt like when someone’s own brain tries to destroy them. Poor Laird Crager, one of many actors martyred by the cruelties of Old Hollywood, gives a performance that captures such a feeling perfectly. The details of the plot may at times be routine melodrama, but the screeching whistle of the score as he closes his eyes and tries to steady himself is a beautiful depiction of torment. Hangover Square’s very title recalls the famous state, usually played for comedy, in which a character’s head pounds as they try and fail to recall the events of a previous debauched night. How much more frightening is that state when no drink was needed to provoke it?

[f1-disaster-bi]

I finally have a bit of time to send you all my favourites from your last writing spree 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 and it's gotten long so i won't blame you if you don't respond 🫂🫂🫂

I loved absoluty everything about Brocedes and Joy 🥺🥺🥺 them finally getting their little girl is just perfect 🩷🩷🩷

My favourite of the norstappen one is this

"Oh", Max muttered because there was a lump in his throat and no one had ever said that about his eyes before, no one had ever made him feel this insanely loved or in love before Lando, and luckily for him, Lando saved him from responding by kissing him all soft and sweet.

Because i think it's getting the two of them spot on with lando being used to be open about his feelings and being told he is loved because of how his parents raised him and Max needing to get used to it because of how his dad raised him 😭😭😭💕💕💕

Oh lando and his ducklings have a very special place in my heart 🥺🥺🥺

Lando had the packet of tissues in hand before the race even finished and he was ready for when Claire made her way over to him, helmet still on as she tried to hide her tears.

Lando being so caring here and knowing exactly what would go on in claire and knowing how to make it better while still letting her feel everything 😭😭😭🩷🩷🩷 (also bonus points for it being a girl because we need more female drivers 🥰🥰🥰)

Norrix and Max F is just everything to me. I love how lando and Max have been friends forever and both have been through so much but never lost sight of each other and are now incredibly close 🩷🩷🩷

Max just walks straight up to Martin, looks and him and goes "Mate, thank fuck you finally asked him out. He was driving us all mental with how much he talks about you. I even know your favourite colour and your Mum's maiden name. I could probably commit identity fraud with how much I know about you from him rambling on"

Max being so blunt is hilarious 😂😂😂 i laughed out loud at the identity fraud 😂😂😂 he would absolutly say something like this because he was sick and tired of hearing every little detail for a thousand times 😂😂😂 i also love that you wrote that Max would also do it to see martins reaction because he is looking out for lando 🥹🥹🥹

Also loved norrix first time saying i love you to each other 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 martin being so considerate about it and lando just kind of getting ahead of himself suits them so much 🩷🩷🩷

Girl au is new to me and i never read genderbend before but i really like it so far 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 and i can't wait to find out what George did one day

"Lando"

The way George said her name made her ache. It stopped her in place with how much emotion he could pour into one soft, utterance of her name.

She hated that she could hear the hurt, the regret, the care, in just one word.

Yeah i definitely didn't cry at that i swear 😭😭😭

The last addition to the mystery au was also great 😍😍😍 i really like the idea with the mark aswell

It's when he goes to knock on Lando’s bedroom door that he sees a glimpse of Lando shirtless and sees the scars. He can't make out the brand from the glimpse he gets but it's clear someone hurt Lando badly and Daniel feels horrible about seeing it without Lando’s consent so he quietly sneaks back down the hall and the approaches again but makes a but of noise and calls out for Lando to alert him.

I think this is really fitting to danny that he knows lando wouldn't like it that he found out about it like this and keeps it to himself to spare lando from the hurt 🥺🥺🥺🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

Thank you again for always writing so much for us and about so many diferent things and pairings aswell 🫂🫂🫂

I hope your cats are doing great with the builders in the house and aren't too stressed about it. I also hope you didn't had to go to the hospital for something serious 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🩷🩷🩷

(I'm sorry if there are a lot of mistakes or wrong/weird words and wordings. English is only my third language so i'm not really good at writing 🙈🙈🙈)

You can always send me long messages and I will respond 🥺💖

Thank you for the well wishes! The cats are currently loving the new window in the living room (we had sliding doors and got them removed) because now they had a huge window to look out and a window sill to sit on!

Today has been a good day so far! I hope your day is going well, and sorry for taking so long to answer this! I have asks half written in drafts and ones waiting to be answered that I am trying to get through cause I love you guys 💖

Brocedes - There was so many things I could do with it but I just wanted to give them something soft and sweet and Joy being their little girl made me go 🥺

Norstappen - Yes 100%!!! I love playing with the idea that unconditional love seems to lways surprise Max because for so long his worth to someone he loves has been defined by what he can do, but Lando just loves Max for Max, and has no problem being openly loving and affectionate towards him!

Ducklings - Lando would so know what Claire is feeling and how she's beating herself up, and he'd know exactly how to make her see the good in the bad and cheer her up. And 100% we need more female racers irl!

Max F and Lando - Max will embarass the hell out of Lando because he can but also to make sure Martin is a douchebag because he loves Lando and has watched people try take advantage of him before, and just wants to make sure Martin is as wonderful as Lando has been saying (and he is, Max approves very fast)

Norrix First I love you - I just can see Martin knowing it and wanting to make it something special and sweet, and then Lando just letting his words escape him and blurting it out over coffee but doubling down that he means it, he loves Martin and sure, it might not be the moment Martin had thought of but its perfect.

Girl Lando au - I loved writing that little snippet because there's just something about Lando and George knowing each other so well, that Lando just freezes because she can hear what he's feeling and saying just with how he says her name, and the conflict of wanting to stop and give in because it sounds like her George, her Georgie, but she's still hurting and knows that she has to stay strong.

Mystery au - Yes!!! I love this idea so much, and just Daniel wanting to know and comfort but understanding that Lando isn't ready. He may never be ready. Understanding that he saw something he wasn't meant to, and pretending he didn't to protect the fragile trust he and Lando have.

[troveofcmuses]

 Hello, welcome to Troveofcmuses!!!

My name is Feyre (she/her, 30+, pst). A selective independent multimuse that contains muses from A Song of Ice and Fire, House of the Dragon, A Court of Thorns and Roses, Throne of Glass, Bridgerton, Grishaverse, TVD, The Originals, Sanditon, Twilight, Zodiac Academy, Into the Badlands, & Greek Mythology/Touch of Darkness. I also have two OCs from Harry Potter & ASOIAF/HOTD. Side note: I do not support JK Rowling!

Activity: Blog activity is low, but I am here working on stuff when I am able.

I am still working on my carrd (slow due to working on three). So in the meantime, my muses are listed below. If you have any questions, just reach out and ask--I would be happy to answer anything. For now, the only rules that need to be followed are: reblog from the source, no harassing for replies, and messages need to be on Discord. I will block people who break these rules...

places to find me: @brideofcdragons || @reclusiveduke

Sadly, I don't have a carrd yet, and most likely won't. This is a list of my muses, with some background.

ASOIAF: Jon Snow (book only; bisexual. fc: Timothee Chalamet) || Jorah Mormont ( book & show | Fc: Iain Glen; younger version Sam Heughan) || Missandei (books & show) || Robb Stark (show and book; bisexual) ||

HOTD: Rhaenyra Targaryen (book and show; bisexual) || Shiera Seastar (fc: Diane Kruger) ||

Bridgerton: Daphne Bridgerton (book & show) || Eloise Bridgerton (book & show; bisexual) || Kate Sharma/ Sheffield (book & show) || Lady Danbury (book & show) || Violet Bridgerton (book & show) || King George III (book & show) || Queen Charlotte (book & show) || Gareth St. Clair (book; fc: Henry Golding) ||

Grishaverse: Alina Starkov (book & show) || Inej Ghafa (book & show) ||Tolya Yul-Bataar (book & show) || (note: I have not read all of Shadow & Bone--I am on book 2. I also just started Six of Crows--a lot of background will be from the show and my own creation).

TVD: Stefan Salvatore (book & show) || Katherine Pierce (book & show; bisexual) || Bonnie Bennett (book & show)

The Originals: Elijah Mikaelson || Rebekah Mikaelson (bisexual) ||

Twilight: Alice Cullen (book & movie; bisexual) || Edward Cullen (book & movie; fc: Robert Pattinson or Douglas Booth depending on preference, regency era: Corey Mylchreest) || Bella Swan ( book & movie; fc: Abigail Cowen) ||Carlisle Cullen ( book & movie; fc: Matt Lanter) || Esme Cullen (book & movie; fc: Rachel Brosnahan) ||

ACOTAR: Nesta Archeron (fc: Imogen Poots) || Feyre Archeron (fc: Danielle Rose Russell) || Rhysand (fc: Toni Mahfud) || Cassian (fc Can Yaman) ||

Throne of Glass: Manon Blackbeak (fc: Nyane Lebajoa; bisexual) || Dorian Havilliard (Evans Nikopoulos) ||

Sanditon: Charlotte Heywood (book & show) || Alexander Colbourne (show) || Sidney Parker (book & show)

Greek Mythology/Touch of Darkness series: Persephone Rosi (fc: Holliday Grainger) || Hecate (fc: Olivia Cheng; bisexual) ||

The Witcher: Yennefer of Vengerberg (book, show, & videogame; bisexual) || Cirilla of Cintra/ Ciri (book, show, & videogame; bisexual) ||

Fourth Wing: Violet Sorrengail (fc: Kaya Scodelario) || Xaden Riorson (fc: Thomas Doherty) ||

Harry Potter/Hogwarts Legacy: Narcissa Black Malfoy (book & show; fc: Young Narcissa—Emilia Schule. Older Narcissa —Helen McCrory. ||

Original Characters: Leyton Mormont (asoiaf/got; fc: Leo Suter. Background: Son of Jorah Mormont & Lynesse Hightower; sellsword). ||

Message me if you want more details about certain muses.

Drafts: ✨asks: ✨