#GRE study plan for two weeks

[abroadeducation]

How I scored 318 on the GRE in TWO WEEKS

Introduction

If you can find the right approach to studying for the GRE, it's not out of reach. In fact, I scored 318 on my first attempt at the exam in just two weeks! How did I do it? And what can you learn from my experience?

How to score 318 on the GRE in 2 weeks.

Use practice tests and review mistakes

Get a copy of the ETS 12-Week Official Guide, which contains over 1,500 questions in total. The guide is divided into four sections: Verbal Reasoning, Quantitative Reasoning, Analytical Writing, and Math Skills Practice Exercises (which is where you'll find all of your drills).

Identify your weak topics within each section: for example, if you're weak at algebra but strong at geometry then focus on drilling those specific areas until they feel comfortable again before moving on to other topics that might be easier for you but still require some work such as vocabulary or reading comprehension passages

THE BASICS OF A GRE STUDY PLAN.

You're going to need a study plan. The most important thing you can do is use the ETS 12-Week Official Guide, which has detailed explanations and practice questions for every section of the test.

Take full-length practice exams under timed conditions with scratch paper. This will help you identify your weak topics so that you can drill them later in your studies to increase your score in GRE exam. Make sure that before attempting a question again on that topic, you understand it fully--don't just guess at answers!

If there are any math concepts or skills that you don't fully grasp yet (e.g., algebra), make sure to go over those first; otherwise, they'll just be wasted time in terms of scoring points on the GRE because they won't allow for accurate answers when applying knowledge from other subjects like geometry/trigonometry or arithmetic reasoning (arithmetic).

DAY 1-4

Use practice tests and review mistakes.

You should use practice tests to identify your weak areas and review mistakes. Don't spend too much time on any one question, because this will only lead to more anxiety about the score. The GRE is a test of logic and reasoning, not memorization or speed-reading skills (though those can help).

You will also want to stay calm during the test; being nervous won't help you do well at all! If possible, take a few deep breaths before starting each section so that when it comes time for an essay question or experimental section, your mind is clear enough for effective analysis rather than overwhelmed by anxiety about how much time has passed since the last question was answered correctly.

(Explore: GRE sample papers and question papers)

DAY 5-8

Use the ETS 12-Week Official Guide and take full-length practice exams under timed conditions with Scratch Paper.

Review mistakes and identify weak topics:

Look at your score report, which will tell you which questions were answered incorrectly and how much time you spent on each section of the exam. If a question was hard for you, determine why before attempting it again in future practice sessions (or during your real test).

After each practice test, review your answers so that you can see how well or poorly they match up with what ETS considers correct answers for those questions!

DAY 9-14

Identify weak topics, drill them, and make sure you understand them fully before attempting questions on them again.

Now you can begin identifying the weak topics. You should have a good idea of your strengths and weaknesses by now, so this will be easy to do.

Once you have identified your weak topics, drill them until they are no longer a problem. If one topic is giving you trouble (as opposed to just being on the harder side), make sure that before attempting questions in that area again that it is fully understood by doing some more practice problems or reviewing your notes from class/the textbook if necessary.

The GRE is a challenging test, but with proper preparation, it's possible to boost your score significantly!

The GRE is a challenging test. It's important to prepare for it by taking practice tests under timed conditions, and using the ETS 12-Week Official Guide to get familiar with the format of the test.

I took full-length practice tests under timed conditions once or twice per week, as well as shorter diagnostic exams every day (usually 25 or so questions per session). This helped me identify weak topics that I needed to drill on and make sure I understood them fully before moving on to other topics.

Conclusion

I hope you found this post helpful! I know that the GRE is an intimidating exam, but with the top preparation tips for GRE  and a confident mindset, it can be conquered.

[sweetcherryharry]

Begin Again — 01

Synopsis: Harry and Y/N had a secret relationship for almost two years, until they broke up. A year later, she shows up to one of his Love On Tour shows.

(masterlist)

Y/N wasn’t really sure it was the right decision when she agreed to go to a Harry Styles concert a few months ago when one of her University friends suggested they go.

It wasn’t like she didn’t enjoy his music —not even close, it was the opposite—, she had been (and still is) a massive fan of his music for more than a decade, ever since his One Direction days. She adored him, always supporting him while in the band and when he went solo, that only increased.

But three years ago, her whole perspective on him changed. He was not only Harry Styles, one of the biggest pop stars in the world, one of the members of One Direction, but he became just Harry. Her Harry.

They’d met back in August 2019, when she was studying abroad in London. She had decided to take a semester somewhere else, wanting to live the whole exchange student experience in Europe. She was almost halfway through her career and decided it was the best time to go.

Oh, how things happen for a reason.

It was her third week living in London, and ever since the first day she arrived, she had her eyes set on a small café that was located just five minutes away from her small apartment. On her third day after arriving in the city, she decided to visit it.

She had fallen in love with it. It was a two-story local that had small tables, along with some sofas, meant for one to two people in each. The café was for people who wanted to study, get work done or simply read a book in peace.

Ever since her first visit, she’d go there around three or four times a week. She didn’t usually look around at the people in the café, but on this Thursday evening, as she roamed the place to look for the best seat, her eyes got stuck on a certain person.

She could identify that frame easily, after all, at the time, she had been his fan for around eight years, and she had seen numerous videos and pictures of the famous singer on the internet. 

Harry Styles was sitting down in a small booth at the corner of the café, a book in his hands. He wore a vintage Debbie Gibson Tour t-shirt, along with a pair of jeans and worn-off white vans.

For a second, her whole world stopped. She couldn’t believe the same man she had admired for so many years was now sitting down right in front of her, looking like any other person would.

But instead of walking up to him, she decided to leave him alone to read his book. He seemed focused, his eyebrows slightly furrowed as his green eyes skimmed through the printed letters.

And honestly, she was way too nervous to even be able to talk right now. 

So, she decided to sit at one of the tables that were beside the second-floor stairs —which she always preferred, as there were fewer people there—, and she pulled her laptop from her bag, ready to complete her school work.

Of course, she wasn’t going to let the opportunity to meet him get away, but she’d wait until he seemed more available, not really wanting to interrupt his time. Her plan was to get her nerves down, wait until he stood up from his place to leave, and then finally approach.

And she was happy she did follow her plan. Almost an hour later, from the corner of her eye, she saw the young man stand up from his seat, putting his book away in his tote bag. At that moment, they were the only two people on the second floor of the café, with only the background ambient music accompanying them.

It was now or never.

She stood up from her seat and took a deep breath, taking slow steps towards the famous singer. 

“Hi Harry, I’m sorry to interrupt,” Her soft voice made him turn around, and as soon as his green eyes made contact with hers, she felt her nerves increase by a million. “I just wanted to say hi, I’m Y/N.”

He smiled at her, “Hi, Y/N, nice to meet you.” He placed his palm towards her, and she placed her smaller one in his, softly shaking it in greeting. She couldn’t believe his skin was touching his, this felt surreal. “Are you from around here?”

He had to admit, he had noticed her earlier at the café. The whole hour she had been at the café, he had glanced at her from time to time, noticing the pretty girl who was focused on her work a few feet away from him.

“No, I’m an exchange student,” She could feel her heart beating hard against her chest, “I just arrived in London a few weeks ago.” 

He nodded, his smile never leaving his features, “Welcome to London, have you been enjoying yourself here?”

“Thank you,” She smiled at him, “And yeah, it’s been amazing so far. I definitely made a great decision when I chose this city to study abroad.” 

And without any of them noticing it, time went flying by that evening as they chatted with each other. What was supposed to just be a quick conversation —Y/N thanking him for his music and the love he has for his fans—, turned into a whole full conversation. 

After a few minutes, they even took a seat again. Harry had invited her to another coffee, and she agreed. She took her things from her original table, since she was moving his, and took a seat beside the brunette at the corner of the café.

Hours passed filled with laughter and good conversations, and they finally left when one of the employees told them they were closing for the day. Before they left though, Harry had asked for her number, enjoying her presence quite a bit, and she happily gave it to him.

He had texted her that same night, letting her know he truly enjoyed meeting her that evening, and that he looked forward to more coffee and chats. 

From then on, they started to meet from time to time at that same café, growing feelings for one another with each day, until eventually, they became (secret) boyfriend and girlfriend a few months later. 

It all felt like a daydream, both feeling their heads in the clouds… until it didn’t.

They broke up two years later, around December 2021. They were perfectly in love and smitten with each other, their relationship miraculously still a secret from the public—even though she went to almost all his shows in North America's Love on Tour leg that same year—, but as life returned to normal and his schedule got extremely busy as an actor and musician, along with having to fake a relationship with Olivia Wilde on his free days, their relationship got strained.

Ever since the messy breakup almost a year ago, Y/N and Harry had not seen each other. 

Of course, during the time being, she had listened to his new album “Harry’s House”, knowing in her gut most of the songs on the album were for her. But even with that knowledge and the emotions his lyrics caused in her, she still didn’t make a move to reach out to him about it, not even with a congratulatory text.

And now, as she stood in her green and black outfit outside the Kia Forum, which was extremely decorated with colors and pictures of her ex, she didn’t how to feel. 

A ton of emotions were running through her; happiness, sadness, pride, nerves, and many more. She was extremely proud of his accomplishments, she had seen the amount of effort he’d put into each thing he did, and for that, she wanted to cry with happiness for him.

But at the same time, she felt a heavy weight on her chest. The last time she went to one of his shows had been last November, on Long Island, New York, and those were one of the last few happy moments they had together. 

“Come on, let’s get a picture!” Natalie exclaimed, pulling both of her friends (Y/N and Maia) by their hands and to the front of the Kia Forum, where you could clearly see the ‘15 Nights Live’, ‘Kia Forum is Harry’s House’, and ‘Harry Styles’ Love on Tour’ huge banners.

After the three girls got a picture together —two of them clueless that one in the trio had dated the singer for almost two years— they made their way to get inside the arena.

Maia had been the one to get the tickets, exclaiming to the girls that it would be amazing to attend one of the shows in LA since it was close to home, and they were big fans of his. Y/N couldn’t say no, especially since both of her friends were so excited about it, so she agreed.

She was still a huge fan of his music —even knew every lyric from his entire discography— and she knew how amazing the crowd was during his shows, knowing she’d immensely enjoy the vibes, too. 

And even if she didn’t want to admit it, a deep, tiny part of herself wanted to see him again. It was an even better deal that she would get to see him from afar, to avoid the awkward conversations of how they’d been the past year.

“I have to confess something to you,” Maia said, stopping both girls in their tracks. She wore a nervous smile on her lips, and Y/N couldn’t decipher if it was something positive or negative,  “I didn’t get us seats as I said, I got us floor tickets. I found a great deal, and it’s going to be so much more fun!”

Natalie instantly started jumping up and down in excitement, causing Maia to laugh. Y/N, on the other hand, forced a smile on her lips, feigning happiness to be so close to the artist they were about to see live. 

On the inside, however, her nerves increased by a million. She knew how Harry loved to interact with the crowd, and he’d usually be very observant with his fans, even remembering faces that he glimpsed at shows. 

The possibility of him seeing her tonight in the crowd just increased a lot more, which was the last thing she wanted.

But she still kept her smile on her face and thanked her friend for the surprise.

The girls went inside the arena, and Y/N was happy that even though they were in the pit, they were closer to the back of it, already hundreds of girls and boys trying to squish themselves to the barricade in front of them. 

As the lights dimmed and the introduction to Daydreaming started to sound throughout the arena, Y/N swore her heart was going to fall out of her chest with how hard it was beating. Her hands started to sweat, and she felt butterflies in her stomach.

Fans’ screams rang through the Forum as a figure started to emerge from the center of the 360 stage, and it was when she finally saw Harry that her breath got caught in her throat. 

She knew how good he was on the stage, how he was born to be on it, singing and dancing his heart out. But as the first song played and he circled the stage with a huge smile on his face, she couldn’t help but feel extreme happiness and pride.

The songs went on and on, and before she noticed it, Y/N was now singing and dancing along with her friends, her worries vanishing through the air as she noticed that he hadn’t seen her in the crowd and that he probably won’t. 

The show was closer to the end, with only five songs remaining, and she was having the time of her life. She hadn’t enjoyed a show so much in so long, ever since the last Love on Tour one she had attended almost a year ago.

The beginning of Love of My Life started playing, and as she turned to look at Harry on stage, ready to sing the lyrics along with him and the crowd, she noticed his green eyes were already on her.

Their eyes locked with each other, and she swore she saw a million emotions cross his eyes in that second. A second that felt like a whole minute, like a whole eternity.

She was the first to break the eye contact, turning to look at Natalie who was standing at her right side, trying to distract herself from the heavy feeling on her chest. 

Only that instead of finding a clueless girl, she found Natalie with a huge smile on her lips as she looked at her. “Oh my god, Harry is looking at you!”

Y/N tried to shake it off, forcing a small laugh, “He’s been looking at all the fans! That’s what he usually does at shows.” 

She turned to look at him again, and surprisingly, he still had his eyes fixated on her, sending her nerves into a mess. Fans surrounding them were taking notice of how he was staring directly at a person in the crowd as he sang the first part of the song, and they started to turn around to find the mystery person.

Finally, as Y/N was starting to get more frustrated, it seemed like Harry snapped to reality, and tore his eyes away from her, acting like that whole thing never happened.

As the show went on, he’d glance at her from time to time, trying to be as discreet as possible. Yet, she noticed how his whole mood changed from that point on. His smiles and dance moves were now forced, and even though nobody in the crowd could notice how he wasn’t being himself, Y/N did.

She dated him for almost two years, after all. They lived together for the most part of it, sharing everything and anything with each other.

But he wasn’t the only one whose mood changed. Y/N wasn’t feeling herself, either. She had been dancing and screaming the lyrics earlier, enjoying the concert with her friends, but now she was forcing the smile on her lips, only singing the songs at a regular volume.

When the show ended and the lights were turned on, Y/N felt relieved. He had seen her, yes, but nothing more happened. She wasn’t sure what she thought would happen if he saw her, but it felt like now the worse had passed.

“The show was amazing! We definitely need to do this again.” Maia said as the three girls started to make their way to the exit. 

Y/N felt her phone vibrate twice in the pocket of her jeans, and at first, she was confused as to why it would, since she had ‘Do Not Disturb’ on. But as she took her phone in her hands, her eyes widened when she saw who had texted her. There was only one contact in the exceptions for the Do Not Disturb mode...

H: Heyy

H: Please stay where you are. A bodyguard will come to get you in a few minutes when the pit has emptied a little to bring you backstage. xx H

Well, fuck.

[moog-rt]

I’ve got the GRE this Saturday, so this week is the final stretch of studying (unless I flop…)!!

My people and I are gonna celebrate at ren faire on Sunday, which I am SO hyped for, because:

a.) it’s gonna me my first time ever going to one <3

b.) I have dropped wayyy to much money putting together a goddamn outfit

That being said, once that’s all done and over with, I’ll finally have time to properly work on this Shigaraki x Reader I’ve been planning out. I’ve already begun writing it, so the first chapter is technically done. It still needs editing and maybe some cutting seeing as it’s almost 6000 words…

I’m contemplating splitting it into two (probs a prologue and chapter 1), but it’s just a lot of backstory bullshit that I feel HAS to be shared at the beginning of the story in order for everything to play out right…

We’ll see. Regardless, I’m really excited for this project!

[gt-prep]

How can I study for the GRE in two months?

how to prepare for gre in 2 months Introduction

The GRE exam is the gold standard for graduate school admissions, and preparing for it in 2 months requires discipline and patience. To prepare, create a study schedule, seek help from experts, and learn the necessary skills while balancing leisure activities like sleeping or eating. By focusing on these aspects, you can achieve success in the test and secure a good school admission.

Create a study schedule

Create a study schedule and schedule time for studying each day. Aim for 3-4 days per week, with the amount of time varying depending on your schedule. For example, Wednesday may be the day you spend more time studying, while Thursday may only take 2 hours to complete assignments and review learning.  

Schedule breaks throughout the day, including breakfast, playtime with friends or family, and fitness activities like jogging. These breaks should not only be coffee breaks or lunchtime but should also include non-academic activities like playtime with friends or family.

Get help from the experts

To improve your GRE exam preparation, seek help from experts, either in person or online, or utilize free resources. While GRE prep apps may seem helpful at first glance, it's best to stick with tried-and-true methods before embracing new technologies. It's crucial to avoid distractions and focus on effective study methods.

Start with the basics

The GRE test is a standardized exam assessing critical thinking, problem-solving, and communication skills for graduate school in the US. It comprises three sections: verbal reasoning, quantitative reasoning, and analytical writing. The test allows two hours per section or one day for a more flexible approach.

Memorize common words, phrases and idioms

The GRE tests vocabulary by evaluating understanding of words' meanings, context, and roots. To avoid confusion, it is essential to recognize both the meanings and roots of words. Use flashcards with pictures to remember definitions and phrases. The GRE also tests understanding of common idioms, such as "kicking the bucket" and "two heads are better than one," which have meaning beyond literal translations. Studying these expressions will help ensure no surprises on test day.

[Know more: How to Prepare Your Mind for the GRE Exam]

Focus on verb forms instead of nouns

Verb forms are crucial in sentences as they convey the meaning and actions of the speaker. With over 200 verb roots in English, they make up the largest part of the vocabulary list, with only 30 nouns. To improve your GRE score, focus on learning as many verbs as possible without memorizing all their forms.

Learn common patterns of sentences and types of paragraphs

Sentence structure is crucial for learning, as it involves recognizing a sentence in context. A sentence typically consists of a subject and an object, with the object being either a noun or pronoun. The verb in a sentence links two things together, either as an action verb or a linking verb like "to be."

It is possible to prepare for GRE in 2 months.

For just two months, coaching for GRE exam or self study requires motivation, discipline, and focus. Consistency and patience are essential, even when things don't go as planned. Persistence and organization are crucial during this period, as it helps manage various tasks such as studying for the exam, preparing a schedule, and tracking progress. Despite any setbacks, persistence and practice will lead to better results.  

Conclusion

This article suggests that preparing for the GRE in two months requires significant effort. To prepare, create a study schedule and stick to it. Seek help from experts to guide you through difficult areas. Practice makes perfect, as more practice tests before the exam day, the better prepared you will be for the actual exam.

[gre-blog-pune]

Right time to take the GRE: A Comprehensive Guide to Timing and Preparation

As you prepare to show off your reading, math, and writing skills on the GRE, it is important to know that this decision depends on a few things, like your school background, what you want to do in your career, and how ready you feel for the test. This blog will guide you through everything you need about the GRE preparation timeline.

Understanding the GRE:

The GRE General Test checks your skills in three main areas: verbal reasoning, quantitative reasoning, and analytical writing. These skills indicate your ability to do well in college and at work. Let’s break down what each of these skills means:

Verbal Reasoning:

This part of the GRE looks at how well you know high-level English vocabulary, analyze written information and understand relationships among ideas. For example, you might be asked to read a passage and answer questions about its main idea or the author’s point of view.

Quantitative Reasoning:

This part of the test checks how good you are at math. It looks at elementary concepts of arithmetic, algebra, geometry, and data analysis. It also looks at your ability to interpret quantitative information and solve complex problems using mathematical models. For instance, you might have to solve equations or analyze graphs to answer questions in the GRE Quantitative Reasoning Section.

Why GRE Preparation is Important:

The GRE test can still be tough even if you are good at English, math, and writing because there is limited time to solve each question, and the level of language and vocabulary is high. That’s why studying and preparing for the test is important.

How long should you study for the GRE?

When it comes to the GRE, preparation is key to achieving success on the exam. So, it is best to give yourself about four months to prepare for the GRE. Let’s break this down further:

Practice Makes Perfect:

While individual study habits and schedules may vary from person to person, you will become more familiar with the test format and improve your performance by dedicating time to study and practice.

Identify Weaknesses:

Practice tests can help you identify areas where you need improvement, allowing you to focus your studying where it is needed most.

Boost Confidence:

The more prepared you are, the more confident you will feel on test day, which can positively impact your performance.

Avoid Cramming:

Don’t try to cram all your studying into just two weeks, as that can lead to burnout, and you might not remember everything well. Instead, spread your study sessions over a longer time to help you remember things better.

Also read our blog on Financing your master’s program in the USA.

When should you take the GRE?

Choosing your GRE preparation timeline depends on your goals and deadlines. If you plan to go to grad school right after graduation in India, taking the GRE in the pre-final year of your graduation is a good idea. This gives you time to prepare without worrying about your final-year projects or internships. Plus, your GRE score is good for five years, so you can use it even if you wait a bit before applying to school.

However, that may not always be possible. So, let’s break down some scenarios:

Pre-Final Year Student:

If you are currently a pre-final year student thinking about studying in the USA in August (Fall) 2025, it is best to take your GRE test before the end of September 2024. This gives you about 8–10 weeks to write a Statement of Purpose, get recommendation letters, and take the TOEFL or IELTS exam. This will also give you time to retake the GRE if you want to improve your GRE score. Please note that you can take the GRE only once every 21 days and up to five times a year. Your official GRE score will come about 8 to 10 days after the test.

Final-Year Student:

For final-year students graduating around June 2024 and planning to start their master’s program in the USA in August (Fall) 2025, you should start preparing for the GRE in May/June 2024. Depending on when you feel ready, you can take the test anytime between September and November 2024. This will help you to still meet the deadlines by December 31, 2024.

Working Professionals:

If you are a working professional or want to work for a few years after graduation before studying abroad, it is best to start preparing 8 to 10 months before the deadline. This gives you enough time to balance work and study commitments. Joining a weekend class at Dilip Oak’s Academy one of the best GRE preparation classes in Pune and practicing during the week would be a good way to get GRE-ready.

Ultimately, deciding when to take the GRE depends on your circumstances and goals. By breaking down the preparation process and using examples, this guide aims to make it easier for you to plan and prepare effectively for the exam. Good luck!

As India’s leading Study Abroad Consultant, Dilip Oak’s Academy offers a comprehensive suite of admission counseling services that can guide you through the entire process from Shortlisting Universities to Visa Counseling. With our expertise, we have successfully sent 32,000 students to various prestigious American universities like MIT, Stanford, Cornell, and Carnegie Mellon. We also offer classroom and online coaching for GRE, TOEFL, and IELTS, as well as GRE Self Prep. To explore our services, book a free consultation or call us at 91–20–67444222.

[sesmantelar]

I actually am in the mood to be productive today! currently sat at my desk, I just cleaned up a little bit and did some laundry.

I have an aztec healing clay mask on right now, drinking my morning coffee and lemon water, and I'm about to read a little bit and post on my Etsy store.

this morning I plan on reading a bit of my book, studying for my GRE exam, hydrating, doing a pilates workout and stretching my body/preparing for ice/doing off ice jumps and spins (with real videos for once - don't forget to switch out laces to the edea laces), tuning my harp and reviewing the lesson notes, and finishing a drawing before heading to the ice rink. while out , I must fill my tank, get my car washed/cleaned (so dirty omg save me), get my money orders for my rent, and after the harp lesson I plan on going out in that town - cafe hop probably, walk around since it's very walkable, go to get some onigiri, stop by bath and body works for a candle/wall scents/car scents/hand soap.

I plan on finishing the day by getting golden af, going to my apartment's art room and finishing my big piece/sketching new pieces to start tomorrow. I vow to finish and submit two pieces this week, and make real art progress with posting/online store/work clients.

It's going to be a great day!

[fandoms-are-family-forever]

Imagine Your OTP #7

Imagine your OTP:

Person A is sat on the kitchen island in their friends’ house (Person C and Person D), enjoying the quiet afternoon as the sun shined softly through the window, slowly setting as evening set in: they were drinking tea. Person B sauntered into the kitchen, noticing A and admiring them, standing in the doorway and taking them in. B smiled in amusement and admiration before slowly shaking their head and walking towards them. A and B have been pining for each other for many years.

Person B: *walking around the island towards the cabinet in front of A* enjoying the view?

Person A: *looking over at them with a dazed look* I am *smiling softly* it’s been really nice having a quiet day to myself, not having to do anything and just being able to relax

B: *chuckling while grabbing a glass* I believe that. Everyone’s been telling me you’ve been busy at work - I’m guessing you finally got a day off?

A: *letting out a soft laugh* yeah. I’m actually taking the next week off. I haven’t really had time to spend with anyone, and I’ve been meaning to reach out to everyone. I feel bad.

B: *filling up glass with water* to be honest, I think everyone knows you don’t have time. I think they all understand and if you tell them you’ve been busy, they’ll tell you not to worry about it

A: I hope you’re right

B: *leaning against the counter and looking at A for a moment* so other than reaching out to friends, what plans do you have?

A: *pausing to think* you know, I’m not sure. Maybe clean my place. Do laundry. Sleep in. The possibilities are endless *chuckling* oh! Do you have a free day this week? We haven’t really hung out in a good while.  Maybe dinner or something?

B: *lighting up* yeah! At least I should be - *pulling out phone and scrolling through it* - yeah! I’m free this Wednesday night *smiling*

A: cool! Then it’s a date!

B: *blushing lightly*

A: *noticing B’s appearance with confusion* *sudden realization dawning on them* I mean or not! Not a date! Or maybe! You know what? It’s completely up to you what you want to call it and - 

A continued rambling on about the concept of a date versus not a date, not noticing that B had set their cup down on the counter next to them and walked toward A, putting their hands on either side of B’s legs and leaning in.

A: ...and I mean friends can have dates! Friend-dates! Families! People have dates all the time and - you know what? Nevermind. I’m just gonna stick with what I sai- *finally noticing B* you’re very close to me. *starts blushing* can I help you?

B: a date huh? *looking into A’s eyes, tilting their head and smiling softly*

A: *staring back into B’s eyes* if you want

B: that sounds nice *places a hand on A’s cheek, eyes glancing between A’s eyes and mouth, and moving their thumb along A’s bottom lip*

A: *opening mouth ever so slightly, placing their tea cup beside them*

B: *leaning forward to close the gap*

A: *leaning in*

Person C: hey A! Are you busy?!

A and B jumped back from each other slightly, but B’s hands remained where they were.

A: *glancing at B before letting out a small sigh* kind of. What do you need?

C: *walking into the kitchen* I was gonna ask if you wanted to go with me to the store and pick up some- *noticing A and B* ah. Nevermind. Carry on *winks at them before leaving*

A and B listened to C’s footsteps echo away from the room, and waited until they hear the front door open and close and the car door slam shut before looking at each other.

B: well, they certainly seem to have some really good timing, huh?

A: so it would seem... but it sounds like they’re gone *flashes a not so innocent look at B*

B: I think you’re right *smirks and leans in again, this time placing their hands on A’s hips*

A: *leans forward and closes their eyes, feeling the heat radiating off B*

Person D: hey C! You in here?!

A and B jumped back again, and stared at each other shocked. B shook their head slightly, and A let out a sigh before responding.

A: no, but it’s A and B. Did you need something?

D: *still yelling from somewhere in the house* yeah. I was wondering if C still needed to go to the store.

A: they just left. You can call them if you need to!

D: oh great idea! Hold on.

A and D continued yelling across the house from each other, leaving B flustered and frustrated. Suddenly, an idea occurred to B.

B leaned forward again, this time placing their lips on A’s jawline, and moved their hands to fit more comfortably on A’s hips. A let out a small sound in the back of their throat, unconsciously leaning their head back to give B a better angle. B continued to leave small kisses, trailing their mouth down to A’s neck. A let out a whimper, right as D called out again.

D: C said they’re just down the street and they’re gonna come back to pick me up!

The sound of C’s car pulling up is heard through the house.

A: that s-sounds gre- *suppresses a small moan as B brings their mouth down to A’s collarbone* great. That sounds great. 

D: oh they’re here! Okay, I’m heading out! I’ll see you when I get back! *walks into the kitchen* did you need anything while we’re go- *notices A and B* nevermind I don’t think you guys need anything.

B: *lifts their head from A’s collarbone* we’re good

D: okay. Well, I’m off. Have fun! *races out the door*

A: *lightly hits B in the chest* really??

B: *smirks* what? It didn’t seem like you had any complaints

A: *groans in frustration* whatever

B: *looks at A* hey, I’m not a fan of interruptions. Speaking of which, where-?

A balled B’s shirt in their fists and yanked them down to meet their lips in a searing kiss, only a moment of hesitation before B reciprocated and the two start fighting for dominance. B slipped a hand underneath A’s shirt, reaching for the hemline of their pants and started slowly moving their hand down-

D: crap I forgot my wallet! Sorry!

C: me too! Kinda important when driving!

B: that’s it!

B slid their hands underneath A’s thighs and pulled them off the island, leaning in to kiss A more tenderly, meanwhile A wrapped their legs around B’s waist and their arms around B’s neck, and B walked them towards a guest room in the house, passing C and D on the way.

B: *glaring at them* are you guys sure you have everything?

C and D: yup!

C: we got what we needed! Maybe we’ll even grab some con-

D: we’ll be leaving now! See you later! *grabs C and hurries back out of the house*

B continued walking, planting small kisses on A’s lips before reaching the door. B walked backwards and used their back to push open the door before walking in and using their combined weight to shut it, leaning in for a more passionate kiss against the door. A slid their hands into B’s hair, tugging on it slightly that solicited a small moan from B. B pulled back and looked at A before walking towards the bed and placing them gingerly on it, standing in front of them and watching them. B looked at A for a moment before speaking.

B: how far are you willing to let me go?

B asked this in a soft tone, both needy and careful - they leaned over A and placed a kiss on their lips, pulling back to study their face.

A: as far as you’re willing to let me go with you.

A reached out a placed a hand on B’s cheek, and B leaned into it before kissing A’s palm.

B: let me know if you want me to stop

A placed their hands on B’s face and pulled them down into another kiss, and lead the rest of their body down on top of them; clothes soon disappeared, A never once stopping B.

[agentsoftie]

morning meetings

summary: on vacation spencer rekindles an old love which brought him greater joy then he remembered

authors note: wow, this is my first fic in a while. hopefully it’s good. but yeah. i got this idea today too so i’m so sorry if it’s hella cheesy. but yeah

warnings: none! pure fluff

word count & pairing: spencer r & fem reader : 1.9k

remember to like and reblog!

The wind was blowing exactly 15mph and Spencer Reid had just arrived in Seattle. His job, as a profiler, took him all across the US. And his mind took him everywhere else. Although Seattle was different, Seattle was special. See, when his mother and father were still together, they took him here every summer. Because every summer they would come here, just to eat at Marge’s Hideout.

Today although, he wasn’t there because of his job. He was there on vacation. Or any form of that for him.

After checking out of his hotel and going for a walk on the pier, there was only one thing on his mind, coffee. Coffee from Marge’s.

So he picked up biked and went along the trail. Not using GPS, not since he had an eidetic memory, but since he knew the path by heart. Every good memory he’s had in his childhood always took place here, in Seattle. More specifically, on Louise’s Trail that goes straight through the town, and leading right to Marge’s Hideout. Although full of cobblestones and vines, it truly felt like you were at peace. At least for him, it did.

He knew he was coming to a stop on his wobbling journey as soon as he smelt croissants and pancakes. Stumbling and tipping over on his bike as he tried to get off, someone opened the door. And in through the door, he heard a laugh. The same laugh he had heard almost every day in his early 20’s. It couldn’t be, could it.

Quickly floundering to the door while trying not to trip over his own shoes, he kept thinking to himself. Or more though, all the memories washed over him. All of the ridiculous, joyful, and heartbreaking moments washed over him.

Finally getting inside, he heard it again. The same laugh. The same laugh he had heard all those years back. “Y/N?” He spoke causing a woman with rich brown hair to turn around.

“Spence,” she breathed out.

They both looked at each other until she finally broke the silence.

“Hi.”

He went over to her seat. Trying to maintain an appropriate distance you would have with a stranger. Although she wasn’t a stranger. She was his last love. And his only love.

Y/N and Spencer had dated for 4 years. It was her first day of orientation when she met Spencer though. He was assisting the class she was in, and she couldn’t help herself but to ogle at his clumsiness and awkwardness. So, she asked him out for coffee, strictly platonic though.

Of course, at first, he was quite conflicted to take up her offer, but he did anyway. Because she seemed nice, and he would never not take up an offer if it involved coffee. So they went there. And then again. And again. And again, and again, and again, and again, and again, until he couldn’t take it anymore. So, he asked her out on a proper date. And after that, they both had fallen helplessly in love with each other. Although, after year 3 of them being together, things started to fall. He had gotten accepted into the BAU under Agent Hotchners authority, so he was barely he had moved to Virginia which meant long distance. At first, they thought they could do it, and they did, but that was until she had started finally her first year as an intern.

They started seeing each other less, and less, and less. And so they called it off. And although on the call, they kept everything reserved, it was all waterworks after. Y/N didn’t talk to anyone for a week and Spencer developed a drug addiction. Although at first, he thought it was because of what had happened with Tobias Hankel, he soon concluded that it was also powered by the breakup.

Of course, though, time passed. She started to see other people, and he started getting help. She started to really plan out the future, and he started to enjoy the moment, and live now, not in the past. She started to become him. And he started to become her.

“Ugh, how are you? Long time no see.” He said awkwardly as she kept on looking down.

“Good, good. How are you?” Her sweet angelic voice, which might have been silkier than before.

“Better.”

They both stayed in awkward silence for a couple of seconds which truly felt like decades.

“Here,” she said while moving to an empty booth, “sit.” And so he did. Him playing with his feet and her looking out the window until she suddenly asked a question. “So, are you still working at the BAU?”

“Yeah… Yep, still working there.”

“That’s nice.” She mumbled.

“How’s your work?” He asked, trying to start up a conversation as he pulled up a menu.

Suddenly something changed in her tone. She became more joyful. Happier. She straightened her back and moved the hair on her shoulder back. Spencer had noticed this. This was exactly what she would do when he asked about anything relating to what she was learning in college. She truly loved what she did, and for that, he was happy. “My work is great! I just got my first solo surgy, and that was fun! I mean, of course, it’s exhausting, but I truly love it. And Macey. You remember Macey right?”

Of course, he remembered Macey. Anyone who knew Y/N in college would remember Macey. They were the best of friends, absolutely inseparable. There wouldn’t be a time of the day where they weren’t together. All, except coffee time. Because that was strictly reserved for Spencer.

“Yeah, of course, I do. Who wouldn’t?” She simply laughed.

“Yeah, well she just got engaged!”

“Macey? Macey Williams? Married! She couldn’t keep a guy for more than 2 weeks.”

“I know! But a little after we broke up, she met this guy named Brian and they were just good together.”

It got a little quiet after she had mentioned the breakup. Spencer looked back down to his menu as if it was a foreign topic and Y/N frowned while grabbing a menu for herself.

Although her initial plan was to grab a coffee and go. Just like she always does, she decided to stick around today, knowing she wouldn’t get a moment like this again.

“So, what will you two lovely people want today?” The waiter chipped while walking up to them.

“Oh, I’ll have 2 buttermilk pancakes: blueberry. Scrambled eggs, and a coffee.”

“And I’ll be having a strawberry mango crepe, 2 croissants, and one coffee.”

“Great! Will that be all?” They both looked at each other then nonned. “Amazing, we will get your orders out as soon as possible!” And with that, she skipped away.

“So, besides work, anything fun happen to you?” Y/N questioned Spencer while toying with her bandaid.

“Well, I mean not much. I have an incredible team though! They are truly some of the most important people in my life. And my mother also of course. Although she hasn’t gotten better, I still write her a letter every day. And see her at least once every other month. And I’m a Godfather now!”

She always loved how excited he had gotten whenever he was talking about the BAU or his team. For such a messed up job, he truly loved it. And that’s all that really mattered.

She laughed, in pure and absolute joy. “Wow! That’s amazing,”

He laughed too. “It is! Isn’t it! What’s going on in your life? Besides works, please.”

“Well, besides work, I’m gonna say my life is going pretty well. You know, I have some friends, and I have this little town. My boyfriend and I broke up, but honestly, I’m glad we did. He was really holding me down. And I mean, without him ever breaking up, I would have never moved into this little paradise. Plus, I mean, it’s closer than my old home. But, I too am a godmother! My sister, Eleanor, don’t think you ever met her, but she had my niece. A true angel honestly. But yeah, my life has been going. Smooth and steady.”

“Well, I’m sorry that your boyfriend broke up with you, but his lost, right?”

“Well, it wasn’t mine, that’s for sure.”

Soon enough their food came, and conversations continued. A couple more coffees were ordered and so was another crepe. Spencer and Y/N sat in that booth for what felt like hours. Just listening to each other. Whether that be laughing or reminiscing about old memories. Spencer couldn’t help but look at her hair. How he was a sucker for that hair. Always was. And her laugh. Whenever she laughed, he smiles just a little more until it turned into a full-on grin. A grin full of happiness and joy. And for her, every time he would say anything remotely smart-assy, she would start laughing. Every single time. Because, no matter how much she used to love him, he couldn’t stand the fact that he knew everything. Except, of course when she needed to study for a test.

They soon though, had to carry on with their lives. Apart from each other. In a realm where they will never see the other again.

“Can I walk you to your car? I’m gonna bike around the city, and I don’t think I would feel safe knowing you were driving with me on the same road.” He teased.

“Ha ha okay, I get it. I suck at driving. But, to your case, I have, actually, gotten really good at driving.”

“Sure, sure. Whatever will you happy.” He teased her as she looked up at him and scoffed. Pulling out her keys from her clutch. “Well, this is my stop.”

“Alright. Well, then I better get going. It was marvelous seeing you again.”

Y/N now had a choice to make. 1: Go after the man she once loved and go on a date, knowing that the chances of a happy ending are few to none. Or 2: Leave this incident be and carry on with her life.

“Wait!” She called out. He immediately stopped. So she caught up with him. “Do you wanna, um, I don’t know, possibly just, maybe, go out? Whenever you’re next free on your stay?”

Unlike making such a big of a deal out of it like he did last time she asked him out for coffee, this time he immediately said, “Yes.”

“Really? That’s great,” she spoke in disbelief that he would say yes. “Well, when are you next free?”

“I’m free for the next week and a half.”

“Great see you on Wednesday!” She said whilst getting in her cars. But before she left, she asked him, “Wait, Spence, do you need my number? It hasn’t changed from the one you had so-”

“Nope! Edition memory, remember?”

“Who could forget.” She turned on her engine, and before heading out of the little town that was oh so special to him, she yelled something which he vaguely picked up. “Call me!”

And with that, Spencer set off. Aiming for the sunset on the once in a blue sunny day. And going to them there was only one thing he could think about, her number. Because, of course, he had the eidetic memory, so he was never going to forget. But that’s not the reason he remembered her phone. I never was, never will be.

tagging: @criminalmindsmoodrn, @marshmallowtraver, @himarisolace

[alnwicks]

A Quick Author’s Note

Hi everyone!

As you might have noticed, I have not been as active here as I used to be. My summer schedule is super packed; between studying for the GRE (a grad school entrance exam), writing a thesis and working 40 hours a week, I’m left with much less time than normal for the Sims.

Originally, I was going to use the next two weeks to do a small storyline showcasing the family dynamic of Victoria and Philip and their girls before I transition to the next part of Chapter 3, which will show the girls as teens. Sadly, because of my workload, I won’t be able to post any more of it. I may come back to this storyline down the road, but for now, I need to focus on a much bigger (and more exciting) storyline that is coming up.

I am so embarrassed to have to cut this storyline short after only one post, but I am simply too overwhelmed with ~real life~ to focus on developing two storylines at once. I am so sorry to everyone who was interested in seeing the young Alnwick-Faustine clan. Feel free to shoot me any questions you have about it and I will totally answer.

When I return (in the beginning of July!) I promise to catch you up on everyone’s personalities and characters. Again, I am so sorry to cut this short, and I wish I had planned better.

love always!

Cat

[educatingappalachia]

Blog Post #5: Pandemic Edition

My family made it 18 months in the pandemic without any exposures to Covid-19. While my children were in digital learning, we made zero trips to the pediatrician for sniffles, coughs, or fevers. They’ve barely been back in the classroom a month, and now we are all quarantined. I’ve definitely not been able to follow my GRE study schedule for the weekend, but nearly every hour of my days have followed a schedule of some sort. 

 Alternate fever reducer every four hours, check. Schedule the grocery pick-up, check. Schedule three additional doctor’s appointments, check. Run my department from home by rescheduling seemingly countless already scheduled appointments at the last minute ... well, let’s just say it’s a work in progress. 

Just two weeks ago, my biggest battle was developing a schedule, but this week, my ability to do that is in hyperdrive, while the other areas controlled by my frontal lobe, such as emotion (feeling panicked or stressed), are etherized. I am oddly calm. My brain is caught in a loop so much so that I’ve lost sleep after waking up from dreaming about scheduling errors. I suppose you can call it a nightmare. But when I get up for the day, I delve deep into scheduling and planning on the vast plane that is email.

[tx-libra]

processing under the cut

came across this screenshot in my notes app: it was my plan for how i was going to tackle everything i was working on back in october 2019. I was revising an article in review at a journal (I had worked on for 2 years leading up to that point), trying to apply to grad school (badly), and working full time (and commuting 2+ hours a day), AND managing a relationship, and i literally felt like i was drowning. the article needed serious work i didn't know how to complete and i was beyond burnt out thinking about it 24/7 and literally just alternating between work, the bus, and schoolwork. nearly all of my friend group had graduated and i had no peers to study with, so I also just felt deeply alone and isolated. two days before i wrote this note i literally spent the entire night at a 24/7 coffee shop trying to make a dent in the revisions, bused home on the first morning bus at 5am, and then bused to work without laying down. the exhaustion after that all-nighter+work day was kind of the breaking point where i just cried and cried and cried monday and tuesday and then finally settled down and wrote myself a plan for how i could try to get it done and not lose my mind. but this note's date-stamp is insane to look at because it was the 16th, the next day, Wednesday, when my dad called me on my commute home and told me mom had "turned the corner" (that she was really approaching the end, probably) and that I should consider when I could come home. I immediately booked a bus ticket and got home to san antonio that night, 24 hours after I had written this ambitious note. Ten days later she was dead, and I gave up on all plans to revise the article or apply to grad school and just like.. entered the void. (I did take the GRE two weeks after her death but thats another --horrible -- story). And here I am two years later this month trying to apply to grad school again and like! no wonder there are so many feelings around it!!!! I need to give myself so much space to feel it all. its intense. so much has happened.

so no beating myself up tonight. only grace and care for myself this month. its shockingly easy to fall back into the self-punishing, overworking, panicked academic shame spiral I was in back then!!! but that is not a recipe for success or enjoyment of anything! and i do NOT need to pile anything more on top of myself: the above is enough. slow work every day, a little bit at a time, is enough. and rest and crying and fun times to just relax are non-negotiables

[sevenfactorial]

Info about applying to PhD programs in pure math

This is... basically what it sounds like. I’m sure a lot of this is applicable to other PhD applications but I’m only very familiar with pure math. This is aimed at current seniors about to apply, but there is a section about prepping for applications in advance.

The highlights:

Recommendation letters are the most important thing. Most schools ask for 3ish. Try to get people who know you well, not just a student in the class. Someone you've conducted research with and one from a different institution are ideal if possible

Ask for rec letters at least a month before the due date is a good rule of thumb.

Research experience is probably the second most important.

Get the opinion of multiple professors who know you in order to build a list of potential schools. Then widdle it down to your will-actually-apply list (probably 8-14 ish). 

My opinion but please apply to at least 3-4 safety/match schools. Even when you're fully qualified, acceptance rates are simply low enough that a bit of bad luck means getting rejected or waitlisted from a few of them.

Most pure math due dates are in early-mid Dec but a few schools are in Nov and some are as late as mid-Jan. 

Schools will generally have their own graduate application portals. Some are better organized than others. Some require you to submit all your material before you can send a request for submitting rec letters so plan accordingly.

Acceptance letters will very slowly start going out in mid-Feb but the vast majority of programs won't send out anything until like, March and not be done until later than that. Accordingly, wait until at least mid-March to begin freaking out if you haven't been accepted anywhere.

You should 100% be expecting a tuition waiver and stipend from a program if you're applying for a PhD.

The rest of the posts is.... ridiculously long so I’m putting it under a cut. I mention things to do in advance to help you decide if grad school is right for you and things that make your application look good, give a full time line of the process, a list of things applications commonly ask for, and some miscellaneous notes. (The points above are repeated in more detail).

In addition, some links to other resources math students may appreciate:

an old post of mine about grad school apps (overlaps a lot and features some ranting from during the application process)

about REUs including my addition specifically about math ones

summer programs for undergrads that aren’t REUs by @counter-example and @jungleuniversity

Tips for prospective grad student visits 

Also about prospective grad student visits by @thisurlhasbeenleftasanexercise

Also for context, I went to a large state school in the US for undergrad. I started as a CS major and added on math as a secondary major after my first year and dropped CS during third year. I’m primarily interested in discrete and algebra, though I have a significant topology background from undergrad too. I got most of my advice from people around the department, as I became pretty involved during my third year. Now, I’m a first year grad student at another large state school in the US, generally considered pretty decent though not a “top math program” at all. Not that much else has happened so far.

Things in advance (aka things to help you decide if grad school is for you and things that look good on an application)

Take the standard classes. For pure math, this is at least one semester of linear alg, abstract alg, and analysis each. Linear and analysis are also good for applied math but I'm not sure what else if anything is considered standard.

Take some grad classes if you have the option. Most people are not ready for this until senior year, but some do manage as juniors. Talk to people who know you well and the prof teaching the class before you do this though.

Try to get involved with research whether this is through independent studies at your home institution, REUs, internships, or other stuff.

Be involved in your department. This helps with getting you more personalized advice for applying.

The rough suggested timeline (assuming junior yr is your second to last year and senior is your last of undergrad)

Junior April: Take the math subject GRE so you can take it again in Sep or Oct if desired (perhaps not applicable atm). The general can be taken kinda whenever; I suggest fall of senior year.

Junior April/May: Start talking to professors/post docs/mentors/etc. about programs you may be interested in. Write/type it down. Don't worry if it gets long, you will shorten again later.

Summer: Do some research if possible; an REU or research at your institution (if an REU, also get your mentor's opinion on potential schools towards the end as well)

Senior Sep: Start whittling down your list. 8-14 seems to be the "normal" range of schools to apply to but some people panic and do more. Remember that asking for waivers is completely acceptable but applying is still just generally expensive (I spent around $800 for 10 schools)

Senior Sep: Apply for the NSF GRFP. You can apply as an undergrad senior and once during your first or second year of grad school if you didn't already get it. The due date is in mid-late OC but ideally you'll have a draft of your essays and ask for rec letters by the end of Sep, if not earlier.

Senior early Nov: Ask for rec letters if you haven't already. The rule of thumb is a month before the due date. Provide them a list of schools you want to apply to including due date and where/how to submit as soon as possible (as well as anything else they request of course; many ask for a resume and a draft of your personal statement).

Senior Dec-Jan: Submit stuff! Pure math programs typically have deadlines in Dec or early Jan. I think the big days are Dec 10th, Dec 15th, and Jan 15th but some are earlier or later. (applied math masters tend to be earlier I think; in Nov). I suggest putting them all into a list or calendar. In addition, some schools won't let letter writers submit until all of your stuff is submitted so start applications early, even if you don't finish them immediately.

Senior Feb: Programs will slowly start sending out offers in early Feb and pick up in mid Feb, but don't fret until AT LEAST the beginning of March! Grad programs are just way too slow at getting out offers for it to be worth worrying until then (and even then, it's definitely not time to panic but mathematicians are frequently anxious people so I get it). Waitlists are slower to come out; usually starting in early March. Also note, there are many programs that don't actually send out replies to everyone unfortunately.

Senior late Feb-early April: prospective student days! They might be online in 2021 unfortunately but try to attend whatever form they're in if you can (only one of my visits during spring 2020 was online since the others happen to be very early and safely beat covid in the US). Be warned, it's very possible to get offers of admissions and to visit very last minute. I do not have advice for how to make that less stressful.

Senior April 15th: Common reply deadline. If you got your offer in the first round or two, this is probably your deadline to accept. In addition, this means more offers will likely come out shortly after once more people have declined. 

Senior summer: graduate. Send a completed, official transcript to your new institution. Check your new email account for stuff you're suppose to do. Some programs have some sort of program during the summer for in-coming students. Most places have graduate student training of some sort for a week or two before semester starts. 

Some common things to be asked for in applications

Not actually a thing asked for but many graduate schools have their own portal for which you will have to make an account to submit an application. A few use a common system that kinda sort shares a database of accounts? Some are fine and some massively suck.

Personal Statement/Statement of Purpose: Occasionally called something else and once in a while actually separate things; will usually have a prompt of wildly differing specificity. Sometimes, the prompts come from the department itself and sometimes from the university's graduate school. I suggest having one or two "base" essays then tweaking them for each school. Sometimes a word/page limit is specified but if it's not, around 2 pages/1000 words is pretty reasonable.

Transcript. Some accept unofficial but some require official but generally not an unsealed one. I ordered myself one official transcript and sent it to multiple schools instead of paying for them to be sent to each school during the application process.

Resume or CV: Most ask for either a CV or is fine with either, in which case I give them my CV. I sent more or less the same one everywhere.

Some other notes

Yes, ask for application waivers. Just be polite about it.

Your goals for your essays are primarily to show that you're interested in math and math research and are capable of like…. writing things that make sense

Do not start out an essay with either "I loved math since I was little" or "I actually didn't like math when I was young" or any variations of those. (I had one essay that started with a mildly humourous anecdote from undergrad combinatorics and another that talked about how my undergrad department has greatly affected me).

You should 100% expect to get a tuition waiver and living stipend as part of a TA fellowship (or more rarely, an research fellowship) as part of your offer of acceptance for a math PhD program (pure or applied). Health insurance is also frequently part of the package. This is not true of masters programs unfortunately.

How schools do waitlists depend wildly though most don't have super long ones like prestigious undergrads do. If you're still interested in a place you're waitlisted at, follow their instructions to confirm your placement on the waitlist then wait until April before following up again, expressing your continued interest and asking for an update. You might even want to wait until around the common deadline, April 15th. The number of people who declined before April is just really really low so nothing really happens until then.

[moralitybog]

advice sought

I potentially have two job offers coming my way and I am not sure how to decide.

For the last year or so, I have been doing public health research surveys over the phone for a university for about 30 hours a week, as well as doing per-diem research assistant work at a fairly prestigious research hospital. In the last several months, I have been more-or-less solely responsible for coordinating a fairly complex pilot study on water and child development.

My P.I. for the fluoride study has floated the idea to me that I could work for her for the next two years, pending the receipt of a grant. The study I would be primarily working on is something that I have trouble feigning enthusiasm for, but it would allow me to continue working for the hospital research institute, and I would get lots of experience writing documents and dealing with the IRB that I would likely not get otherwise. Would probably also get my name on some papers. On a whim recently, I also applied for a position as a data collection coordinator for a medication-assisted-treatment program run by a large homelessness services agency. This would be a little less pay, but not a lot less (either of these choices would pay more than what I get currently). This would be a population I am more passionate about working with in general, and I would be able to do more direct program support. However, while the day-to-day data collection and database management would be approximately the same as what I am doing now in research, it wouldn’t be research per se, and I am concerned that then i couldn’t get abc into research later.

Anyways, career capital wise, my biggest career bottleneck is that I don’t have a relevant degree (or very good college grades) to public health, which is my current career trajectory, so my current plan involves applying to MPH programs in the next few years, and since I can’t lean on my academic record I will be leaning on GRE scores and my work experience. Anyway this is probably the wrong forum for advice but...any would be appreciated

[kxowledge]

Uhm. So. I’m studying for the GRE again (July - August) after a period of extremely low self-worth and confidence, and I want to post updates to keep myself accountable and track my progress. But also portray here the frustrations and disappointments of daily study sessions and the nitty gritty, so that in the end it will be more inspiring than a “How To Score 320+ on the GRE” post with vague tips. There’s plenty of that on the internet already. 

Let’s start by saying that I am aiming as high as possible, my dream university average score is 328, my second dream university has a requirement of at least 165Q. I am nowhere near close to these scores.

On Saturday I took a diagnostic test on Crunch Prep and scored 154Q & 164V, which - I’ll be honest – is a very disappointing start. I knew Quant was the weakest section for me, but this is extremely far away from my target. Oh well, from this score I can only improve. 

I know it’s not as reliable as official tests, but I didn’t want to ‘waste’ an official test by taking it at the beginning - I want to study for at least two weeks before taking the first PowerPrep test.

In general, my pitfalls are reading comprehension and quantitative comparison. My knowledge is lacking with regards to geometry. One thing I know I should do and yet I don’t do is review my answers. Overall, I am not worried about stress or time management. I can complete the verbal section easily, whereas I always use all the time for the quant.

I’m not overly worried about the Verbal section, which has less importance for the universities I’ll apply to anyway, but I do want to get a high score on it because I think it’s entirely within my reach. I won’t disregard it completely, but I won’t spend too much time on it – I’d rather focus on the Quant, which should be my priority.

I started on Wednesday (01/07) and studied for about 45 minutes: did the exercises from Manhattan Prep 5lbs on Arithmetic and watched one vocab video and started making flashcards. On Friday (03/07) instead I was very optimistic (… or should I say sanguine?) and studied for more than 3 hours – I worked on word problems on mixture, distance, and work, started reviewing ETS Math Review and completed Arithmetic and Algebra. Reviewed the triangle inequality ( | x+ y| < |x| + |y|) which I keep forgetting (even though I know the proof&etc. I just forget it’s a thing. ) and found out how to figure out the total number of divisors of a number. Minor progress, but I had fun. Saturday was for test-taking and wallowing in the consequent depression.

It’s clear what I have to improve, it’s not so clear how. 

While I don’t have a study plan per se, I have a list of resources at my disposal and a tentative ideal routine of tasks to complete each day. While I am relatively confident I can improve (and know how) on the verbal, the quant still baffles me. But let’s see how it goes. 

[sesmantelar]

really thinking about the next stages of my life. I need to keep in mind that with whateer decision I make, that is not permanent nor is it the rest of my life and I can change things at any point. A part of me is very comfortable here in north carolina, and I really do want to keep it as one of my bases. the problem is, I don't have enough nor will I have enough money in time to deposit on a condo here. maybe if I can figure out my financial situation quick, I will be able to establish an actual solid base however, I need to get serious asap if I want that to happen.

I also need to remember that I can have my dollhouse and life anywhere - it's me that brings that energy and aura, not necessarily the location.

I want to get a new car. I think this is the year to do it as well because if I buy a new car like as my christmas gift to myself, I can work hard to pay it off in full prior to moving to europe, and then just have her shipped to whichever country I'm going to graduate school in.

I have an interview for another PRN job because I'm going to need my options lined up - and I want to be able to do overtime way closer to home (easier on me and my sanity, especially since it will be night shift work). I think the goal I will keep in my head is that if I can power through my online degree in the next few months as well as utilizing my overtime pay to compltely remove me from debt and get my savings up to where they need to be, I will buy the 2023 Mercedes GLA SUV for my christmas present to myself. it would be perfect! returning from my malaysia/japan trip and treating myself to my dream car! it will be such a proud moment for me because I never would have thought I would see the day. but before any of that, I need to check off the main requirements for purchasing her: get my credit score back to excellent, other than student loans take all my debt down to zero FAST, have savings up to 20k, be almost complete with my degree by january 2024, get an excellent score on the GRE, have an art business up and running, and submit art weekly to galleries as well as have neo and nova up finally, and be working towards your gold moves in the field by december. if all is achieved, trust and believe my beautiful (hopefully the rose gold!) mercedes will be under my tree this christmas. this is another thing im keeping to myself - love how I dont want to post my accomplishments anymore - I genuinely believe that the evil eye is real and I want no parts in negativity in my life.

outside of that, Ive been really inconsistent with my eating so starting today, Im doing OMAD and relying on low carb tea to last during the day, and the goal is to have a veggie/protein dinner once a day for nutrition and so I can start rebuilding my skating muscles/ stretngth. I have been a bit better about hydration, and I hope to make it habit that I will stick to again. the only thing I'm missing in this final equation for weight loss is exercise. if I start denying snacks again, finishing my fasts all the way through, drinking my iced lemon water (preferably up to a gallon), eating enough protein and doing the pilates videos I wanted to do, I know my body will come together in literally two weeks. I'm scheduled to leave work at 3 today but I'm planning on staying until 7 unless I really really want to go home at the end of the day. regardless, I have to use the time to stretch deeply, get my mobility back on track, ankles strengthened, muscles warmed up and ready for tomorrow. I'm likely going to get home, golden, do a pilates workout and stretch/do a mobility routine, do my evening self care, tune and practice the harp for tomorrow, and do the finishing touches on both drawings - submitting them to the gallery today, put all my clothes away, clean the entire apartment and do a quick mop.

at work today, I'm going to be studying for the GRE, reading a little bit of my book, researching more Swiss universities, and watching the business videos/working on my business stuff, rescheduling stuff that is happening tomorrow, and I want to start working on my colombia travel video. when I get home, I want it to be ice prep time, art time and harp time - as well as re setting my space. depending on how I feel, I may stop by the mall after work to pick up a new wall scent or candle because this mahogany taekwood wall scent does not smell appropriate for the dollhouse.

[seriouslyblacklikemysoul]

An Ephemeral Eternity in Seven Parts - Steve Rogers x Reader

MASTERLIST Warnings: Gifs aren’t mine. My English. Also, last sentence - well, maybe it’s the start of something new.  Word Count~ 7k.  Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI PART  VII

 The melancholic notes of the guitar accompanied her soft and broken voice in a song that reminded very much of a lamentation of her past, her present and her future.

 Everything she touched, begun to decay. Everyone she loved, had only ended up unloved, depressed, addicted or alone. It had made her wonder if she was the one; if she was the wolf dressed as the little red riding hood. What if everyone around her was simply a helpless sheep and to prowl for her next meal she clothed herself in love and kindness, only to poison those closest to her until they are damaged beyond repair. She could only ever ruin so many relationships before she understood that the devil lived inside of her making her a toxic landfill disguised in fake beautiful grass and flowers - she had never been afraid of the monster in her closet, she had always been terrified by the one she saw in the mirror.  She didn't remember which night it was - the one she left, like a thief, not making a sound, knowing that he heard her. It made her decision easier when he didn't even try to stop her. It was selfish - he had been badly broken too. She felt the failure calling out her name - she couldn't make it better for him because she was a mess. She had lost herself and she wasn't sure she wasn't sure she wanted to be found. And so she left. She took a few clothes with her and left.  She had no solid plan for her days ahead. She couldn't find a point to it. She had wandered aimlessly when she found herself in a small city that did not speak English. She had smiled painfully to herself. A stranger among strangers. 

Not long after her decision to stay there for a while, she had to find a way to earn some money in order to get by. The kind old lady, who had helped her with almost everything, seeing in her face the granddaughter she had lost just mere weeks before she turned up in her door - since she was one of the very few people who spoke English -  had offered her a job she thought it would suit her. There was a small place where those who stayed behind went to drink and listen to old and soft songs about loss, love and pain. They were missing a singer. She had thought why not.  Isabella had been nothing but kind and sweet, just like a real grandmother - not that she had met one.  "Grief is a deeply personal and solitary journey. No one can truly feel or understand your loss but you, even those who have experienced it themselves. But grief is also love, and for that reason it has a right to exist and be felt. It is the debt we owe our memories. It is the final way we love someone" she had soothed her after the first time she heard her sing. There was pain in her voice, even when she sung in Spanish. She had never believed it would cost her everything. Yet, it did. 

 Months flew by as she had fallen into a simple yet so human routine. Many handsome men had threw themselves to her but she had closed herself, letting no one in. She had lost people along the way. She had left others behind. She had cut them out of her life, sometimes uncertain if it was the right decision. Looking back, she had done things she might have regretted now. This quieter life she had now was closer to the one she had been dreaming the cold nights that she had been held by HYDRA or trained by Madam B. She couldn't sake the feeling that something was missing - she was different and she hadn't ever realized. The girl from her past wasn't the woman she had grown to be.  "Hay un hombre guapo buscándote, cariño" Isabella suddenly told her, making her slightly jump from the couch she had been seated for at least two hours, starring at the wall. Seeing her lost eyes, Isabella sat down next to her and took her hands in hers.  "Listen, cariño. Love transcends gender, age, political beliefs; it crosses borders. It’s literally the strongest motivator and force we have. It makes people do things they can’t explain. And it comes in all forms and it comes when you least expect it and it comes and it goes and it changes and people have spent years and wrote books and studied the stars trying to understand it. And sometimes it’s the boy you called over to get over,  the boy you were crying about and sometimes it’s the girl you grew up next door to your whole life and sometimes it’s a friend who saved your soul or a baby you didn’t expect. But it’s all around us in forms yet to be manifested- letters yet to be written, hands yet to be held. And all goodness stems from it and it literally changes the world. So even though it sometimes causes us pain and it drags us into situations we didn’t ask for, we can never close ourselves off to it or give up on it. We have to keep loving because it’s the closest thing we have to magic and without it we’re just a conscious pile of bones and life means nothing. Ve hacia el" and just like that, from the mouth of someone who used to be a stranger, the entire meaning of life and love and pain was summed up into a minute of hope. Isabella had lost her son and her granddaughter, everyone she ever loved and yet, there she was telling her to embrace life with its bad and its good. Tears she had no idea when they escaped, were running down her face. "Mi bella Isabella, gracias por tu sabiduría. Gracias por tu amor. But if I go to him, I'll leave you and I can't do that to you" she told her truthfully. Isabella just shook her head and smiled.  "I'll always be here. Go to him, cariño". She kissed her cheek and hugged her as tightly as she would love to be hugged. She had been everything she was missing.

 As the song went on, her eyes fell on him - he had just entered the place. And every memory she kept tacked away, came back rushing through her veins. In her head, she could hear Isabella's words but her heart just didn't want to get hurt again. She knew the moment he talked to her, she would succumb her entire being to his hands. 

War was the only dance he had ever known and she wished they could have had more time amid the chaos and fire and blood to show him that there could be another way. She fell in love with the way he saw the world, the way he saw her... She fell in the chasm of his soul and his light. She would gladly drown in the darker half of the sea to hold him in her arms for more than just that single night of peace. She had been aware that they had met and they had loved in a warzone and even though his kisses had melted away the gunfire, they still held echoes of the fire burning in him but she knew hers were the same. He had been worth the risk time and time again because with his hand burning into her skin, she had hope once more ... and the blood that had stained him couldn't take away his goodness and the stars that had betrayed him, didn't mean she forsaken her devotion. There had always been a rage built inside their souls, just like this love was worthy of burning empires down ... screams that follow them all the way home only to be quieted when she kissed the blood from his lips... and even when the universe will force them to part he will remain, echoing in her heart that only belonged to him. She knew that they were the ugly parts of the love story but she also knew they were the beautiful ones too. The song came to an end and she went to the table she held every night, the one far away from the lights and the people. Eyes never leaving his, she nodded for him to join her, as she poured herself a glass of red wine. He had never been so afraid of a moment and its impact. He had no idea what to say to her or how to be around her, when she poured and offered him another glass of wine.  "I didn't know you could sing" he told her before he hid his face in his hands, only to resurface as red as a tomato. She tried to swallow her laughter but failed.  "You're still not good with women, Steve" and just by saying his name, her heart places itself in his hands. He smiled brightly even though he had messed up his opening line, it had worked out. She was sipping her wine with a fondness he had never seen before. Maybe leaving was the best thing she had done - and he would be selfish to ask her back. Again. Not leaving her alone, to decide her own path. He needed her in a way he hadn't needed anyone since...  "I will come back Steve. But I need you to promise me that we will search and search over and over again for a way to undo this -and if we don't find one it will be because there isn't, not because we overlooked it" she told him boldly with her eyes a soft lilac color, as she looked over her shoulder, signaling to someone to approach them He was taken aback. He believed that she wouldn't even want to talk about what had happened. He had seen the way Bucky had looked at her before he... and he had already suspected his feelings towards her. Steve knew it had a great impact on her - not that it had been the only reason for her breakdown. After realizing her new powers she had refused to use them because they were the reason half of the planet was dead. He looked at her with a new found admiration - she was the bigger person.  "Of course. May I ask why?" he prepared himself to hear a reason he wouldn't like, instead, his heart broke a little bit more.  She smiled and stood up to give her sit to an old woman he had never seen before. It was the first time Steve saw this side of her.  "Isabella, este es Steve. Ese hombre guapo que me estaba buscando" she spoke in Spanish making him question if he knew her at all. Isabella took his hands into hers and looked at him just like his mother would have, which caused some tears to appear. They got to know each other and he realized that she had never felt the love of a family - and she craved it. When Isabella said her goodnight, having already invited him to spend the night in her house, she grew quiet. She knew he was waiting for an answer. "She is the reason why. She lost everything - her son, her granddaughter - and yet she hasn't lost hope. She told me to live life with everything that comes with it and embrace it because it's all we got.  She is the reason I am talking to you. She told me 'go to him' because love is the closest thing we have to magic and I couldn't just tell her I have magic running through my veins but couldn't save her family" she said with fire in her words and determination pouring over her. 

It felt wrong. Being back, felt wrong. She had followed him once again, but this time she hadn't found the people she had last time. She felt out of time – as if she didn’t belong. No one was waiting for her; Natasha was broken and Tony was nowhere near the place. Maybe she had been naïve for trusting him again; deep down she knew the only thing they had been left with was bitterness. She spent her days reading, training and trying out different things. Steve had an unhealthy need to fill Sam’s shoes as he had begun some group session. The irony was obvious to her; He was telling them, urging them to move on while he would never. She had seen as much in his eyes when they were talking about his past and the beginnings of his story – way before he became Captain America. There was one particular story he didn’t feel like sharing and she understood why – but also bothered her. She had kept her promise and had searched everything in order to find a way to undo this. She had spent days and nights looking for an answer. There had been times she felt so useless she wouldn’t get out of her room – nobody dared to disagree with her on those days. Slowly yet steadily, Steve and her grew distant and she felt as if they were miles apart even when they were sitting right next to each other. Being positive had never been one of her assets and that fake optimism Steve had, got on her nerves. Then again, maybe it was just his way of coping with the events. She had found herself longing to leave the base and go back to Isabella’s house more than enough times to realize that she never felt at home in the Avenger’s base. And the years flew by without even noticing it. The only thing new must had been the fact that she met Carol, a woman with many of her own powers and a life experience to match them. Other than that, Natasha had been obsessing over Clint – who had gone dark after his family disappearance. She could never say that all of those people had died – they had just dusted away. Which was the same and she had been fooling herself for a very long time. Steve had been the positive fucking little unicorn in front of others but he was so lost when they were alone. A raccoon was sending them emails with reports and Nebula wanted to get revenge a tad more than all of them combined.  She knew things were bound to be different, but she couldn’t recognize anything anymore. She had been drifted away from those around her because she didn’t feel a connection to them anymore – the only thing they had in common was anger. She had just made a cup of coffee when Steve walked in, finding Natasha on the verge of crying as he went on about the bright side, but Nat wasn’t having it. She just plopped down next to Natasha, smiling towards Steve without even bothering to listen to their conversation but her eye caught something. Something unexpected. “Oh! Hi. Hi! Is anyone home? This is Scott Lang. We met a few years ago, at the airport? In Germany? I got really big, and I had my mask on. You wouldn't recognize me” Scott Lang was rumbling on at their front gate. Before she could register their reactions, she had buzzed him in and left the room running towards him. “Have you ever studied Quantum Physics?” Scott asked them a moment later. “Only to make conversation” came a sarcastic answer by Natasha, which didn’t bring him down. “Alright. So... five years ago, right before Thanos, I was in a place called the Quantum Realm. The Quantum Realm is like its own microscopic universe. To get in there, you have to be incredibly small. Hope, she's my... She was my... She was supposed to pull me out. And then Thanos happened, and I got stuck in there” he said while he was struggling not to tell the entire truth about their relationship. “I'm sorry. That must've been a very long five years” Natasha sincerely told him only to be shocked when he replied the most unbelievable thing. “Yeah, but that's just it. It wasn't. For me, it was five hours”. Steve and Nat shared a quick bewildered glance, while she had figured it out, because she had indeed studied Quantum Physics. “See, the rules of the Quantum Realm aren't like they are up here. Everything is unpredictable. Is that anybody's sandwich? I'm starving” Scott said as he strode over to pick up Nat's sandwich, and bit into it. “Scott, what are you talking about?” Steve asked him confused and puzzled. “What he is saying is, time works differently in the Quantum Realm” she chimed in, gaining a strange look from Steve and a very impressed one from Scott. “The only problem is right now, we don't have a way to navigate it. But what if we did? I can't stop thinking about it. What if, we could somehow control the chaos, and we could navigate it? What if there was a way to enter the Quantum Realm at a certain point in time but then exit at another point in time? Like...” he went on. “Like before Thanos” she half-whispered. “Wait, are you two talking about a time machine?” Steve asked as he couldn’t believe his ears. “No. No, of course not. No, not a time machine. It's more like a... Yeah, a time machine. I know it's crazy. But I can't stop thinking about it. There's gotta be some way... There's gotta be...some w... it's crazy” his craziness was making her head dizzy. She knew they would have to talk to her father, sooner or later. She hoped it would be later but that was not gonna the case. “Scott, I get e-mails from a raccoon, so nothing sounds crazy anymore” Nat reassured him. “So who do we talk to about this?” Scott cut to the chase and everyone looked at her. 

They pulled over at his cabin and one by one got out of the car. Tony looked at them and she could tell that he was not looking forward to the discussion about to take place. He acknowledged her with a single hey, and so she decided to let them talk in peace while she was gazing at the lake from afar. "I know you got a lot on the line. You got a wife, a daughter. But I lost someone very important to me. A lot of people did. And now, now we have a chance to bring her back. To bring everyone back. And you're telling me that won't even... “ his voice got louder as he tried to sell his desperation to Tony. “That's right, Scott, I won't even. I got a kid” Tony simply told them, making her remark. “Yeah, now he’s got a kid” she retorted, making him realize what he had just said. As on cue, Morgan run to her dad, who picked her up. “Mommy told me to come and save you. And to tell to the pretty girl to stay a while” Morgan told him as she pointed at his other daughter. “Good job. I'm saved. I wish you'd come here to ask me something else. Anything else. Honestly, I... I missed you guys, it was... Oh, and table's set for six” he went on and informed them. “Tony, I get it. And I'm happy for you, I really am. But this is a second chance” Steve tried to reason with him but she already knew he wasn’t gonna give up just yet. He had to solve it on his own. “I got my second chance right here, Cap. I can't roll the dice again. If you don't talk shop, you can stay for lunch. And you should stay for a while” he concluded as he turned to face her. She smiled at him. She was going to stay a while and Steve saw it. It was hard to say goodbye but unfortunately it had become easier with the years. Steve, Nat and Scott were walking back to their car outside Tony's house as she was stepping inside, hugging Pepper. She could feel him slipping away from her life but she didn’t know how to keep him there – well, she didn’t even know if he wanted to be there anymore.

The day had been quiet, Pepper was an amazing mother and Tony was trying to be a great dad but he knew that he had failed once before, so he wasn’t hoping for much. They had lunch and she met Morgan a bit better. The kid was smart, but that didn’t come as a surprise, it was rather a given. “So how do you two know each other?” she asked suspiciously as she eyed her. Tony almost chocked but she kept her calm, as she was sipping a glass of wine. “We used to work together for a project, sweetie” she smoothly told her without raising any suspicion and even thought Tony felt relieved, Pepper shoot him an angry look, making him nod his head as if they made a promise. “You’re an Avenger!” Morgan exclaimed, excited with her new discovery. But before she could say a thing, Morgan begun asking questions – more questions than anyone before, leaving her stumped. “Honey, come on. Don’t bombard her with your questions. Wanna help me with dessert?” Pepper came to the rescue quickly and she couldn’t be more thankful. Silence fell and it was awkward because no one was going to break it first and Pepper knew as she said louldy "talk". Both of them rolled their eyes at that. "She is smart, that's from your side and she is beautiful - that's all Pepper" she commented shortly after. He almost laughed at her quick comeback.  "How are you? How are things back?" he asked her sincerely, trying to make up for all the lost time. She shook her head, not wanting to lie. Something he understood very well.  "Let me guess. You have been drifted away from people, especially Steve" he made a wild guess and he knew he was right. She stopped hiding her feelings. "Everything I thought I had is no longer. That's why I came here with them. They are asking you to be a hero and save the world. I just wanted to ask you a favor. A while back, I... I left and went -" "To a nice lady called Isabella, who lost her son and granddaughter" he finished her sentence for her, leaving her puzzled. "What? Did you really think I wasn't looking after you?" he asked her. "Well, you left to start a family and didn't even call, so... um. I should have" she concluded at last. He disagreed with her. She had stayed there, not to ask him to fight with them, but to help her find a way, because she knew that there was going to be o return for him and she wanted Morgan to have both of her parents and to feel loved. One of his daughters should. 

She was just watching him work from the couch as she was drinking a hot cup of tea. “Look at a mod inspiration, let me see what check out. So, recommend one last sim before we pack it in for the night” he gave orders to his computer. “Maybe in the shape of a mobius strip, inverted, don’t you think?” she commented as she took a look to the holographic experiment. He agreed with an impressed look. “Do as the lady suggests” he informed Friday. “Processing... “ “Give me that eigenvalue. That, particle factoring, and a spectral decomp. That will take a second” he had just stepped away, towards the couch but it was not to be. “And don't worry if it doesn't pan out. I'm just kinda –“ “Model rendered” Friday announced sending waves of bewilderments down her spine. Tony in a complete shock of amazement as the render came back as 99.987% successful, fell back ecstatic by this discovery. “Shit!” they both exclaimed at the same time. “Shit” Morgan giggled as she repeated the word they had just uttered. Tony took on the father roll quicker than she had thought as he nodded to her to take care of everything that had just been projected while he took Morgan away. They had solved time travel. They had actually found out how to go back in time. Her mind was blown away just by looking at it. As she was walking around the holographic model, Pepper came down the stairs looking for her. “You should rest honey. It’s late” she told her like a mother would. She smiled at her and waited for Tony to get back. “Maybe it’s not” she told her, leaving her puzzled. They both sat on the couch, Pepper reading a book and she was just thinking of the endless possibilities. People less lucky than her would get to see the sun again. Isabella’s family. Spider-kid, Wanda, Strange, Bucky. Oh Gods, Bucky. She had tried to forget about him and how much it had affected her. It had been one of the few failures of her life. “Not that it's a competition, but she loves me 3000. You were somewhere on the low 6 to 900 range” Tony announced as he joined them and got Pepper to scoff. “What are you reading?” he asked absentmindedly as she noticed. “Oh, it's just a book on composting” Pepper told him, making her long for a simple life once more. “What's new with composting?” he asked again without really wanting an answer. Before she could, he cut her off. “We figured it out, by the way” he blurred out, pointing at his daughter proudly. “You know, just so we're talking about the same thing –“ Pepper tried to catch up on their new discovery, very happy they were working together. “Time travel” he simply informed like it was nothing. “What? Wow... That's amazing, and... terrifying. Oh, that’s why you told me maybe it’s not late” she told him amazed as she turned to her still very much astonished. “We got really lucky” she commented and both of them agreed. “Yeah, I know” her father said a tad sad. “A lot of people didn't” Pepper softly nudged him. “No, I can't help everybody” he tried to be civilized and open for debate about it. “It sorta seems like you can. Both of you” his wife disagreed. “Not if I stop. I can put a pin in it right now, and stop” he insisted but they all new what was about to happen. “Tony, trying to get you to stop has been one of the few failures of my life” Pepper echoed her thought from moments ago. Tony smiled proudly about that very fact. “I sometimes feel I should put it in a locked box and drop it at the bottom of a lake... go to bed” he had almost given up on saying no. He wasn’t able to deny that she was right. “But would you be able to rest?” her soft voice pierced through his head. “And neither would you. I know that you left at some point because the memories were too much” she told her with honesty. She couldn’t believe how selfless Pepper was being about something so dangerous. “Come on, kiddo. It’s time to sleep. Tomorrow we are gonna go on a trip” Tony urged his daughter. She could get use to that. “Goodnight Pepper. Goodnight To-… dad” she finally told him, making him smile in pure happiness for the first time in a while.  

The whole world was changing and she had been a part of that very fact. Every plan, every strategy and every theory had been mapped out but she knew that sometimes, even the cleverest of minds can miss a point – so small that no one could have seen. Wanda was trying destroy Thanos, having cost everything to her, Scott and Hope were trying to kick start the engine of the van and everyone was trying to get the gauntlet as far away as possible, without it being very easy of a task. 

Pepper landed next to Okoye, followed by Mantis, Shuri, the Wasp, Gamora, Nebula and herself much to everyone else’s opinion – they all thought she was going to be right by Steve. Thanos' army charged while they helped Carol Danvers gey through the Outriders, Sakaarans and Chitauri. When Carol and she flew towards the van with the Gauntlet, Thanos, after being stopped by Pepper, Shuri and Hope, threw his double sword at the van, destroying it completely. He knocked Carol down and smacked Tony away as Thor arrived in an attempt to pin Thano’s arm down – Steve came rushing towards them, helping Thor but they were all overpowered. In a desperate attempt, when she saw Thanos picking up the gauntlet she punched him away. Thanos grabbed her by the arm and threw her away like she weighted nothing. Thanos put on the gauntlet, gamma radiation from the stones all over his body, as he tried to snap, but she arose again, and stopped his fingers from snapping, opening up his hand similar to what she had seen Steve doing in the other battle. She almost had him, forcing him onto his knees, as her powers were finally enough, she was ready to steal the stones herself. She knew she could take them on – she was part of them and they were part of her. But alas, he pulled the Power Stone out of the Gauntlet and used it in his free hand to hit her away, almost killing her in the prosses. Tony was looking at his daughter terrified and too scared to think of what might happen. He made one last attack on Thanos, having an entirely different plan on his mind. Thanos pushed him away, ending up right next to his older daughter. All it took was one look and she knew – before she could anything at all, everything was already over. “I am inevitable” Thanos snapped his fingers, but nothing happened. He saw that the stones were missing. “NO!” she screamed but Tony simply smiled at her. s except a metallic "clink." He sees the Infinity Stones are missing.

“And I– am– Iron Man”.

The cruelest thing that someone had done to her was first claim to love her more than anything in the world. That he had never seen anything as exquisite as her. That she was every star in the night sky. That he would never leave her. And then one day, out of the blue he did. He lulled her into a false sense of security, convincing her that this, this is the forever love she have been looking for. This is the kind of love she needed all this time, the kind of love she had craved and let her get comfortable in it because it would last. And then, one day, he walked away. He made her believe that there would never be another. And then one day, he forgot her. He simply left without warning after promising her eternity. How ephemeral it turned out to be... It had been years since he came back. Not him - not her Steve. Peggy's Steve. She had refused to meet him - she had refused to even look at him, or be in the same building. She felt betrayed. She had lost Natasha as she had sacrificed herself to get the fucking Soul Stone. She had lost her father and that felt on her - she still felt responsible. And then Steve had decided to leave her all alone to fight her demons after constantly reassuring her he loved her.  But he caught her by surprise, when he entered her office, as she was now in charge of everything her father once held - Morgan was too young and Pepper wanted some time off with her daughter. He knocked the door, waited for her to call him in and he entered. She had been facing the other way, on a phone call but the minute she turned and faced him, her phone fell on the floor and her heart skipped more beats than she could count. "Hello, Ms.. Stark. Do you have a minute for an old friend?" he was being polite as well as sarcastic but her mind had already imploded, so what the fuck? Gaining some of her confidence back, she raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms.  "We were never friends, Mr. Rogers" she fired coldly but he knew her better and she hated it. He looked at her and all it took was a moment. He too raised his eyebrow and walked towards her with absolutely no intention of leaving. Before she could register his acts, he had enveloped her in to his big hug and she felt so fucking angry - it still felt like home. Without even knowing it, she was crying with her head almost resting on his chest.  "It’s weird. It’s weird how you have the same face but you’re a completely different person. It’s weird how I have so many amazing memories with you but they died off as you’re a completely different person. It’s weird that I’m mourning over someone that is still alive because you’re a completely different person. It’s weird, you’re a completely different person. And I hate you for leaving me, but I can never really hate you because I love you" she told him as he sat them down to her couch. She left his arms to look at him. She lowered her walls and finally opened up to him again.  "If I could do it all again, I would stay up later. I would ask more questions, unashamed of how personal they were and not afraid that I wouldn’t like the answers. If I could start over with you, I wouldn’t doubt my instincts. I wouldn’t fear what people thought if I catered to your every whim and laughed at every stupid joke. If I could try again, I would embrace every moment of every fight and ask for everything I needed from you. I wouldn’t worry if I was too needy, too attached, too much of anything. I would be myself more. I would scream louder. I wouldn’t hesitated to tell you I love you, in every way, every day. If I could do it again, I would not love you in halting steps always looking for some sort of validation that I was stepping on solid ground. I would jump into you and if you didn’t catch me, then I would still be picking up the same broken pieces I am now" she sincerely told him. She had lost both her friend and her father, both of them in the name of salvation and then Steve choose to leave her and go back. She had refused to exist for a while because she couldn't function. As everything crumbled around her, she had looked for a something to hold on to, but those closest couldn’t hear her amidst their screaming matches. She looked for those who swore to be there during her weakest moment only to see the illusion fade away leaving only crossed fingers, emptiness, and disappointment. She was done searching for someone, when someone did appear.  Without even thinking about it, he wiped a single tear that ran across her cheek. He wasn't her Steve, but those eyes...  "I never believed that I would have felt the way you made me feel after all those years in the ice. I owe you everything. And repaying you in the way I did... I wouldn't have forgiven me if I were you. An apology won't help, I know. For what it’s worth, you will always hold a special place" he told her in tender way that reminded her of their story and more tears found their way out. And he wiped every single one of them. She could tell from the way he hugged her when he saw her. He had kept the silent promise he had made when she was too drunk to remember what she had asked of him. Years had passed since she allowed herself to see him again. After saying a polite hello, they hugged like friends did. But then he squeezed her a little tighter right before he let go. She had almost rested her head on his chest out of habit, because it suddenly felt just like old times. She had thought she'd never be in his embrace again but there they were. They both wanted to hold on tighter but they knew they were different now. But she could tell from the way he hugged her, from the way he held on just a little longer, that somewhere, deep down...  "I missed you too" she smiled at him, a strange but very much wanted feeling of relief washing over her heart. They both knew, no one could stop loving. Once you have loved someone honestly, truly, you will never be able to un-love them. You can only find someone you will love more. At that time, your old love will not feel so strong, but it will always be in your heart, it will never let you forget something that at some point along the way made you happy.  "You hold a special place in someone else's heart too, you know" he commented like a genie. Her eyebrow arched. "Stop playing matchmaker, you old wise owl" she mocked him. At least, she could start again. He still held her face in his hands, he still held a piece of her, he would always be her first love. The bigger the love, the harder the fall. They stayed like that until Bucky walked into her office, looking for her. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously when he saw Steve holding her but he reprimanded himself almost immediately. She saw the way Steve looked up at him and she knew he wanted some alone time him. Leaving his hands was harder than she thought, smiling at all times. "Don't be a stranger, Rogers" she bid him goodbye but his eyes told her this wasn't the last time they would see each other and she found solace. She passed Bucky in her way out, smiling brightly to him, making his eyes sparkle in hope. She had just left the room when she heard Steve being completely honest.

"She is different now. I was too much of a punk to see how beautiful she really was. Her heart was beautiful, she cared so much about me and I never understood why. I don't think I treated her the way she deserves to be treated - but you do. Don't look at me like that, Bucky. I am old, not blind. I can see the way you two look at each other. Back then, her love scared me, it was so intense. I almost forgot how enticing her smile was. She just wasted so many tears on someone like me and for that I will never forgive me" he told his friend but his mind was someplace else. She smiled to herself and finally left them alone. Whatever was to come, she would face it. Finding closure had never been about forgetting. It had never been about drowning out the voices of her past or about closing her heart to memories that used to make you happy. Finding closure meant accepting a situation for what it was and moving on. It was coming to terms with the way things were and knowing that she couldn't change what had happened, but could still find growth among the broken pieces.

 _____

“I am so glad I got my heart broken. It led me to you”. ____

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