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chrzzboo · 23 hours

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Broken bond

Summary: after meeting her brother’s teammate a romance begins. Even after being strictly forbidden from getting involved with a driver it still somehow happened.

Reader x Carlos

Reader x brother Charles

Genre: angst/ fluff

I leaned against the wall in the busy Ferrari garage, my heart racing with anticipation. My brother, Charles Leclerc, was about to compete in the Monaco Grand Prix, and I was here to support him. The garage was filled with the sound of engines being fine-tuned, the occasional whir of tools, and the sound of hushed conversations between engineers and mechanics.

As I waited, my gaze wandered around the garage. The mechanics were working tirelessly to ensure that Charles' car would be at its best for the race. There was a sense of focus and intensity in the air, everyone fully committed to their tasks. Some technicians were making adjustments to the car's tires, while others were running last-minute checks on the engine.

Suddenly, my attention was drawn to a familiar figure as he approached me. It was Carlos Sainz, a fellow Formula One driver on the Ferrari team and Charles' teammate. He was casually walking towards me, a faint smile on his face. The sight of him immediately caused a flutter in my chest.

"Hey Y/N," Carlos greeted me warmly, his Spanish accent adding a bit of charm to his voice. He leaned against the wall next to me. "Nervous for the race?"

I couldn't help but smile back at him, feeling a mix of nerves and excitement. "A bit," I admitted. "It's always nerve-racking watching my brother race, especially on home soil. But I know he'll do great."

Carlos nodded in understanding. "Yeah, Charles is a fantastic driver. I have no doubt he'll put on a good show out there." He paused for a moment, studying me carefully. "You're really close to him, aren't you?"

"We're pretty close," I replied, my voice soft. "Charles and I have always had a strong bond. He's not just my brother; he's also my protector and my best friend."

Carlos chuckled softly. "I can certainly see that," he said. "I've noticed how protective he is of you. He practically glares at any guy who looks in your direction."

"Yeah, Charles can be a bit overprotective sometimes," I admitted with a chuckle. "He tends to glare at any guy who even looks at me for too long."

Carlos chuckled again, amused. "Well, I can't say I blame him. You're his younger sister, after all. I'd be protective too if I had a sibling like you."

I felt a blush creep onto my cheeks at his words, and I quickly looked down at my shoes, trying to hide my embarrassment. "You're just saying that," I mumbled, but inside, my heart was skipping a beat.

Carlos noticed my reaction and smiled gently. "I'm just being honest," he said. "You're a beautiful girl, Y/N. I doubt your brother is the only one who gets protective when it comes to you."

"It's not just Charles," I added, trying to deflect the compliment. "My older brother Lorenzo and my younger brother Arthur are just as protective, if not more. It's like they've assigned themselves as my personal bodyguards."

Carlos laughed at my words, clearly amused by the situation. "Wow, sounds like you've got a whole army of overprotective brothers," he teased. "I bet they don't let you go anywhere without their approval."

"Pretty much," I agreed, rolling my eyes dramatically. "It's like they've all agreed to keep me in a bubble. It can be quite suffocating sometimes, but I know it comes from a place of love and care."

Suddenly, Charles appeared behind us, his expression serious as he took in the sight of Carlos and me talking. "What's going on here?" he asked bluntly, his eyes narrowing at Carlos.

I stifled a sigh, already knowing how this was going to go. Charles was in full protective mode, and I could see him studying Carlos with a mixture of suspicion and irritation.

"We were just talking," Carlos answered casually, unbothered by Charles' intense gaze. He gave me a quick smirk before turning his attention back to Charles.

Charles looked between the two of us, his jaw clenching. "Just talking, huh?" he said skeptically. "And what, exactly, did you two find so interesting to talk about?"

"We were just discussing the race," I chimed in, trying to ease the tension. "Carlos was just saying that he's sure you'll do great."

Charles's gaze softened slightly, but he still held onto his protective attitude. "Is that so," he said, looking back at Carlos. "Well, I appreciate the support. But I think you've had enough time talking to Y/N for now."

"And what if I want to talk to her a little longer?” Carlos challenged, meeting Charles's gaze with a smirk.

Charles's expression darkened, and I could practically see the air around them crackle with tension. "I don't think so," he said firmly. "I don't need you distracting my sister right before a race."

I watched anxiously as both Charles and Carlos were called away to prepare for the race. Charles gave me one last protective look before leaving, clearly not happy about the conversation I had with Carlos.

I stood there, feeling a mixture of emotions. On one hand, I was excited to watch Charles compete in the race, but on the other hand, I couldn't shake off the feeling of being a bit suffocated by his over protectiveness.

I knew Charles meant well, but sometimes his relentless protection felt like it was more about his own insecurities than anything else. It was frustrating being constantly under his watchful eye, always feeling like I needed his permission to talk to someone or do anything slightly risky.

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yourusername Nothing better than supporting my brother in our home country 🇲🇨

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charles_leclerc: Love having you here ma petite soeur!

yourusername: Petite? Don't get too confident brother you're just a year older.

alexandrasaintmleux: I told you that white blouse would look good on you! Belle fille 😍

yourusername: Love you! 😘

carlossainz55: Hermosa! ❤️ by author

charles_leclerc: 🤨

love_16_ferrari: Omg she's back in the paddock!

carlando554: She always slays them outfits 💅

f1_maniac_lan: Carlos you ain't slick brother

albonowono_formula: Shhh let him have his moment 🤫

After the race, Charles had finished in a respectable P5 position, and Carlos had secured third place, a solid result for both drivers. They were both in the process of cooling down and unwinding from the intense race when Charles approached me, his expression contrite.

"Hey," he said, his voice softer than before. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

I turned to face him, feeling a mix of emotions. I knew he was here to apologize for his earlier behavior, but a part of me was still irritated by his protectiveness.

"Sure," I replied, folding my arms across my chest. "What is it?"

Charles let out a sigh, running a hand through his sweaty hair. "I just wanted to apologize for how I acted earlier," he said sincerely. "I know I was being a bit overprotective, and I'm sorry if I made you feel smothered."

I softened a bit, appreciating his acknowledgment of his behavior. "It's okay," I said, my tone gentle. "I know you mean well, but sometimes it feels like you're trying to control my every move."

Charles nodded, looking genuinely remorseful. "I know," he admitted. "And that's not my intention at all. I just worry about you, you know? Especially since you're always around people like Carlos..." He trailed off, leaving the implication hanging in the air.

I raised an eyebrow, realizing where this was going. "What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, a hint of defensiveness in my voice.

Charles shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "It's just... he's a bit of a player, you know? I don't want you to get caught up in his womanizing ways."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Carlos is not the womanizing player you make him out to be," I retorted, defending the Spaniard. "He's a good guy, and we're just friends. You have nothing to worry about."

Despite my irritation at Charles's comments about Carlos, I took a deep breath, trying to keep my temper in check. I didn’t want to start a fight with my brother, especially here at the circuit.

"Look, I get that you're worried about me," I said, trying to keep my voice steady. "But you don't need to worry about Carlos. We’re just friends, and I can look after myself."

Charles looked unconvinced but nodded anyway, sensing that I was done talking about the topic. "Alright," he said reluctantly. "But just be careful, okay? I don't trust that guy, even if he’s my teammate."

After a moment of tense silence, we both decided it was best to move on and focus on celebrating Charles's performance in the race. He gave me one last lingering look before turning to leave the garage.

"I'll see you later," he said gruffly, clearly not entirely satisfied with the conversation. "Just stay away from Carlos, okay?"

I watched as Charles walked away, still feeling a bit frustrated by his over protectiveness. But as he left, I sighed, feeling a pang of guilt for upsetting him. I knew deep down he was just worried about me, even if his way of expressing it was sometimes overbearing.

A moment later, I felt someone approach me from behind. I turned to see Carlos standing there, his eyes watching Charles walk away before shifting back to me.

"You okay?" he asked, a hint of concern in his voice. "You guys seemed to have quite the intense conversation there."

I shrugged, smiling weakly. "Yeah, it was nothing really. Just some sibling stuff."

Carlos looked like he wanted to say something more, but he held back, sensing that I didn’t really want to talk about it.

Instead, he changed the subject. "You think your brother will ever stop being so overprotective?" he asked, a smirk on his face.

I rolled my eyes in response. "Not a chance," I replied, chuckling despite myself. "He’s always been like that, even when we were little. He’s just extra protective of me because I’m the baby of the family."

"And because you're a girl," Carlos added, raising an eyebrow. "You know how brothers can get with their little sisters."

"Yeah, I guess that's true," I admitted, sighing. "But it gets exhausting sometimes. He acts like I can’t do anything without him. It’s like he doesn’t trust me to make my own decisions."

Carlos nodded, a sympathetic look in his eyes. "I can imagine," he said with a smirk. "But you gotta admit, it’s a bit funny seeing him glare at me every time I get near you."

I couldn’t help but laugh, knowing that it was true. Charles’s overprotective nature did provide some amusement.

"Yeah, it’s kinda funny," I admitted, grinning. "But it also drives me crazy. He acts like I’m a fragile porcelain doll or something."

He laughs slightly at my antics. "I'm always here for you if you need a talk." I smile appreciating him.

From that moment on, Carlos and I started spending more time together, often bonding over shared jokes about my brother's overprotectiveness. Our relationship gradually shifted from just casual conversations to playful banter and lighthearted exchanges.

As time went on, our friendship grew stronger, and I began to see Carlos not just as my brother's teammate, but as a trustworthy friend with whom I felt comfortable sharing my thoughts and feelings. Slowly but surely, I developed feelings for him.

We decided to keep our first few dates discreet and quiet, away from paparazzi and the hustle of the racing environment. With that in mind, we found ourselves in a small, secluded park, far enough from any prying eyes. And that led to it becoming a habit.

The soft glow of the setting sun cast a warm light over us as we sat on a bench, our hands brushing against each other occasionally, sending a shiver down my spine.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, the park enveloped us in a soft twilight glow. Carlos and I remained on the bench, our conversation still flowing effortlessly. The park had emptied, leaving us feeling more isolated than ever.

Carlos shifted closer to me on the bench, his knee brushing against mine, sending a shiver through my body. "There’s something I need to tell you," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

I turned to face him, suddenly feeling a mix of excitement and anxiety in my chest. I could see the intensity in his eyes as he looked at me, and I knew this was important.

"What is it?" I asked, my heart beating a little faster.

Carlos took a deep breath, seeming to gather his courage. "Y/N," he said, his gaze never wavering from mine. "Ever since we met, I’ve felt a connection with you, something I’ve never experienced before. You’re smart, funny, and incredibly beautiful, and I can’t deny that I’ve developed strong feelings for you."

My heart skipped a beat at his heartfelt words. I had secretly hoped for this moment, but the intensity of his confession still took me by surprise.

"Carlos," I said, my voice soft. "I feel the same way. You’ve become someone very special to me, and I can’t imagine not having you in my life."

Even as I said those words, a pang of guilt shot through me. I couldn’t shake off the memory of Charles’s overprotective nature and the fear of how he would react if he found out about our relationship.

"But," I said, my voice faltering slightly, "What about Charles? He won’t be happy about this, you know that."

Carlos reached out and gently took my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine. "I know," he said, his gaze unwavering. "But we can’t let your brother control our happiness. We care about each other, and that’s all that matters."

I looked down at our intertwined hands, feeling a mixture of emotions. Carlos’s words made sense, but the worry of my brother’s disapproval weighed heavily on my mind.

"I just don’t want to hurt him," I said, sighing. "He’s always been so protective, it feels like he’d be betrayed if he found out we were seeing each other behind his back."

Carlos squeezed my hand gently, his fingers tracing small circles on the back of mine. "I understand," he said, his voice soft. "But we don’t have to tell him right away. We can keep this between us for now, until we’re both ready to face whatever comes our way."

After a bit of discussion and reassurances from Carlos, I finally gave in and agreed to keep our budding relationship a secret for now. It didn’t feel right hiding it from Charles, but the thought of upsetting him was also too much to bear.

"Alright," I said, leaning into Carlos’s side. "We’ll keep this between us for now. But we can’t keep it a secret forever."

"I know," Carlos agreed, wrapping his arm around me and drawing me closer. "But we have time to figure everything out. For now, let’s just enjoy each other’s company and see where this goes."

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yourusername Lovely weather with lovely food

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yourbff: Did my invite get lost in the mail or what?

yourusername: Girl you know damn well 🙄

alexandrasaintmleux: Pretty girl

yourusername: Mwah love you 💋

charles_leclerc: Food without me? How could you!

yourusername: And the world kept spinning... 🌍

lovelyLan4: Y/N ate and no crumbs were left not even the plate matter of fact she devoured.

yourusername: Aww so sweet thank you love ❤️

oscxlan814: Are we just going to pretend that Carlos didn’t like this post?

carlitos655: Nah bestie he always likes her stuff probably to piss off Charles oscxlan814: Honestly sounds like him

inchident_leclercstappen161: Okay but whose arm is that in the second picture?

vernorstappen1416: Thank god you mentioned it I thought I was going insane dannyrichyf: Maybe one of her brothers? I mean Charles isn't her only brother. f1_crzz_gy: I don't think it is, her two other brothers posted too today and both somewhere different. lanscar48155x: Let the girl live c'mon not everything revolves around dating

leclercxsainz5516: Bestie where's the blouse from?

yourusername: It's from H&M! their last fall season collection!

The next couple of months flew by in a whirlwind. Carlos and I spent every moment we could together, cherishing each second we were able to steal away from the eyes of the world.

We navigated the complexities of our secret relationship with discreet dates in secluded parks and stolen moments in the pits during race weekends. It was far from ideal, but the thrill of sneaking around added an extra layer of excitement to our already intense connection.

However, despite our best efforts to keep our relationship under wraps, our secret was bound to be discovered eventually.

In the whirlwind of those two months, Lando inadvertently stumbled upon us once when we were cozying up in Carlos’s garage. Another time, Alexandra caught me with a lovesick smile on my face, gazing at my phone, and her curious nature made it impossible for me to keep our secret from her.

Lando couldn’t help but grin at the sight of us cuddled up together, but he was surprisingly supportive and promised to keep our secret under wraps.

Meanwhile, Alexandra sensed something was up when she saw me glued to my phone, and after some prodding, I couldn’t help but admit the truth. Like Lando, she offered her silent support and assured me she wouldn’t say a word to anyone and especially not to my brother.

But not everything lasted long... .

In the midst of a date with Carlos, we were blissfully unaware that a sneaky paparazzi had captured us in a moment of intimacy. The pictures quickly spread like wildfire on social media, and by the time we returned home, my phone was bombarded with text messages from Alexandra, Charles, and my two other brothers.

Alexandra’s message instructed me to check Instagram, and curiosity piqued, I opened the app, bracing myself for what I was about to see.

As I opened Instagram, my heart sank. There we were, captured in a moment of laughter and affection, clearly revealing our secret relationship for the world to see. I couldn’t help but feel a mix of shock, anxiety, and dread as I stared at the photos. I texted Carlos about it, knowing he still hasn't left from dropping me off and was probably still in his car.

f1gossippofficial

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f1gossippoffical NEW! Ferrari driver Carlos Sainz was spotted with a girl that appeared to be Y/N Leclerc, his teammate Charles Leclerc's younger sister. What do you think about this new couple?

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formulaoneracing_81: Damn what a way to start my day

carlossainz_lover: I will pretend like I didn't read this👩‍🦯

maybe_racer_for_rb: Nah man how can you date your teammates sister

mariah_piastri81_4ever: she doesn't deserve him 🤢

just_formulaone: Girl sit your ass down he doesn’t even know you 😒

layli16_nor416: Why are y'all always so involved in others love life? Let people date damn

leclerc_stappen1: For real leave that poor girl alone

no_none_sense14: Probably with him for his money 🙄

my4everredbull_drink: Oh yeah because her brother isn't also a rich formula one driver and she hasn't got her own successful boutique. Y'all just saying anything at this point ffs. 🤦‍♀️

Within minutes, Carlos made his way into my home, his expression mirroring the same shock and disbelief I felt. He saw the panic in my eyes and the phone trembling in my hand. Without a word, he pulled me into a tight embrace, his strong arms encircling me protectively.

He held me close, his chin resting gently on top of my head. "It’s going to be okay," he whispered, his voice soft and reassuring. "We’ll figure this out, together."

I buried my face against his chest, taking comfort in his presence. The weight of the realization that our secret was out now weighed heavy on both of our shoulders.

I took a shaky breath, my voice muffled against his shirt. "What are we going to do now? Everyone’s going to know, and I can only imagine what Charles is going to say."

Carlos tightened his grip around me, his hand gently rubbing soothing circles on my back. "I know it’s scary," he said, his voice steady. "But we’re in this together, remember? We’ll face whatever comes our way, as long as we’re together."

Since the photos had been released, Charles had been calling me nonstop, no doubt having seen the pictures for himself. I could see his name flashing on my phone, but I couldn’t bring myself to answer. The thought of facing his disappointment and anger made me feel sick to my stomach.

As my phone rang again and his name appeared yet again, my heart raced with anxiety. Each time it vibrated on the table, it felt like a ticking time bomb, a reminder of the conversation I knew I had to face eventually.

But for now, I continued to ignore his calls, hoping to find some form of comfort in the silence. The weight of my guilt and fear felt suffocating, but I didn’t know how to face Charles and explain myself.

In the midst of all the chaos and confusion going on inside me, a text message from Alexandra flashed on my phone. I opened it and my eyes immediately widened.

As I read the text, I suddenly heard a crash, and the door to my room burst open, revealing an enraged Charles standing in the doorway.

His anger seethed through every pore, and his eyes burned with a mixture of shock and disappointment. It was clear he had seen the pictures, and his face was twisted into a scowl as he stormed towards me.

"How could you do this?" He thundered, his voice echoing through the room. "With Carlos, of all people?"

I recoiled at the harshness in his tone, feeling the weight of his disapproval bearing down on me. "Charles," I began, my voice shaky. "Please, let me explain—"

He cut me off, his anger not allowing him to listen. "Explain what? That you've been sneaking around with Carlos for months behind my back? And you never even thought to tell me?"

I struggled to find the words, the panic building inside me. "I didn’t mean for it to happen," I tried to explain. "It just...did. Carlos and I- we- we care about each other. It’s not some meaningless fling."

As Charles's anger escalated, Carlos stepped in between us, attempting to diffuse the situation. "Charles, calm down," he said firmly, his hand on my brother's chest. "Y/N and I have been seeing each other for a while now. We really care about each other."

"Are you serious?" Charles said, his voice low and dangerous. "You knew I didn't want you near her. She's off-limits, Carlos, and you knew that."

Carlos stood his ground, his arm still protectively around me. "I know what you said, but I couldn't help how I felt about her. Neither of us planned on falling for each other, but it happened."

Charles took a deep breath, his gaze switching between me and Carlos. "So how long has this been going on then?"

I fidgeted nervously, knowing that admitting the truth would only add more fuel to the fire. "Two months," I mumbled, avoiding his gaze. "We’ve been dating for two months."

Charles clenched his jaw, the revelation making his anger flare. "Two months," he repeated, his voice laced with frustration. "And you didn’t think to tell me? You kept this from me for months?"

Carlos interjected again, his voice firm but not confrontational. "We wanted to tell you, Charles, but we were worried about how you’d react. We knew you wouldn’t be happy about it."

Charles sneered at him, anger still bubbling just below the surface. "‘Not happy about it’?" he echoed. "You think that’s the only issue here? Carlos, I trusted you as my teammate, and she’s my sister. This is a double betrayal."

As Charles continued to rant, his anger growing with each word, I felt a surge of anger bubbling within me. The way he spoke about Carlos, as if he had zero right to have feelings for me, and the way he saw it as a betrayal, fueled my own anger. I stepped forward, determination in my eyes.

"Stop it, Charles," I snapped, my own voice rising. "You don’t get to dictate who I date or who I fall in love with. You don’t own me."

Charles raised an eyebrow, his anger still burning hot. "Really?" he retorted. "You’re going to talk to me like that? You’re my sister, and I have every right to have a say in who you’re seeing."

I clenched my fists, my own anger now exploding out of control. "No, you don’t," I shot back. "I’ve been trying to keep this secret out of respect for you, but you don’t get to control my love life. I’m not a kid anymore, Charles."

Charles and I continued to argue back and forth, our words becoming more heated and hurtful with each passing moment. My own anger and frustration mixed with a deep sense of sadness and hurt.

Eventually, the argument escalated to a boiling point, and Charles finally left the room, slamming the door behind him. I stood frozen for a moment, my chest heaving with emotion.

Carlos wrapped his arms around me, gently pulling me into his comforting embrace. Tears blurred my vision as I felt the weight of everything that had just happened wash over me.

"It's okay hermosa," he murmured, his voice gentle and calm. "I know that was difficult, but we'll get through this. I'm here for you, no matter what happens."

I felt helpless, Carlos words usually have a comforting effect on me but this time it didn't help. I was so hurt, it felt like I lost my best friend, my brother and all that was left was a broken bond between us.

As a week passed, the tension between Charles and me remained palpable. Every attempt I made to talk to him was met with a cold shoulder and an aloof attitude. The whole situation left me feeling defeated and hopeless.

Our mother, having learned about the situation, had been upset with Charles for his stubborn behavior, but he continued to stand his ground, claiming that I was in the wrong for not telling him about my relationship with Carlos.

My other brothers, Lorenzo and Arthur, had been initially shocked by the news about me and Carlos, but after talking and giving him the "brother talk" and witnessing his genuine care for me, they softened their stance and eventually accepted him into our family. Even Charles's girlfriend, Alexandra, had given Charles a harsh lecture, telling him how immature and childish he was being.

Now, our mother had invited me and Carlos to dinner with the rest of the family, including Charles. The thought of sitting in the same room with him made my stomach churn with anxiety.

As we arrived at my parental home, the atmosphere was thick with tension. Charles sat at the dining table, a defiant look on his face, completely avoiding any eye contact with me or Carlos.

During dinner, an uncomfortable silence had settled over the table. Everyone tried their best to make small talk and engage in casual conversation, but the tension between Charles and me was undeniable.

As the meal came to an end, my mother, as well as my other siblings and Carlos took notice of the strained atmosphere. A collective look of concern passed between them, and they silently came up with a plan to give me and Charles a chance to talk things out.

Our mother looked at Charles and me pointedly. "Looks like we have some dishes and clean-up to do, don't we Charles? You and Y/N can take care of that."

Arthur and Lorenzo exchanged sidelong glances, understanding our mother's plan to leave me and Charles alone. Carlos also knew that me and Charles had some things to solve so he joined the rest.

Charles's face contorted into a scowl as our mother's suggestion sank in. He protested loudly, clearly not wanting to be alone in a room with me.

"Maman, why do I need to do dishes with her?" he complained. "Can't someone else do it instead?"

Maman fixed him with one simple look, Charles huffed and rolled his eyes but knew better than to argue with our mother. He reluctantly got up from his chair and followed me to the kitchen, mumbling under his breath about how unfair it was.

As we stood side by side, silently loading dishes into the dishwasher, I finally found the courage to break the deafening silence that filled the room. I took a deep breath, my chest tightening with the weight of all the unsaid words.

"Charles," I began, my voice soft but firm. "Can we talk?"

Charles paused for a moment, his shoulders tensing at my words. He didn't reply right away, continuing to load the dishes, but I could see the internal struggle written on his face.

I steadied myself, knowing that this conversation was long overdue. "I want to talk about us," I started, my eyes still focused on the dishes. "About what's happened between us since I started dating Carlos."

Charles slammed a plate into the dishwasher, a sharp clatter echoing through the kitchen. "What's there to talk about?" he retorted. "You lied to me, betrayed me by sneaking around with Carlos, and then expected me to just accept it?"

I closed my eyes, my grip on the dish in my hand growing tighter. "I didn't lie to you, Charles," I responded, my voice trembling slightly. "And I didn't sneak around. Carlos and I care about each other, and we have for months. We just didn't tell you because we knew you would react like this."

Charles slammed the dishwasher shut, the noise echoing in the kitchen. "And you were right," he said, his voice laced with anger. "I did react like this because it's wrong, Y/N. You're my sister, and he's my friend and teammate. There are boundaries, and you crossed them."

I turned to face him, my own anger and hurt boiling inside me. "Boundaries? Or control?" I shot back, my voice rising. "Since when do you get to decide who I date and who I fall in love with?"

Charles stepped closer to me, his eyes flashing with anger. "I'm not trying to control you," he snapped. "I'm just trying to look out for you. Carlos is not the right choice, Y/N."

My words came tumbling out, anger fueling my speech. "Carlos is the one who's always been there for me when I needed him. He's the one who understands me better than anyone else, including you. He's the one who's cared for me, supported me, and showed me the depth of his love. So don't try to tell me that he's not right for me."

Charles listened in silence as I continued, my voice gaining strength. I listed all the little ways Carlos had shown his love and care for me, from the small gifts he'd given to the sacrifices he'd made. I described the moments of comfort and understanding he provided, and the genuine connection we shared.

With each passing moment, Charles's expression softened, his anger slowly being replaced by a hint of regret and realization. He listened intently as I spoke, absorbing every word and letting it sink in.

Charles's voice softened, a mixture of emotions playing across his face. "I just want the best for you," he said, his voice quieter now. "Ever since papa passed, I've felt like it's my responsibility to protect you. To look out for you and make sure you're safe and happy."

I felt a pang of sympathy and understanding for my brother, recognizing the sincerity behind his words.

"I understand that you want to protect me, Charles," I replied gently. "But protecting me doesn't mean controlling who I love. It means supporting me and trusting that I know what's best for myself."

Charles let out a deep sigh, rubbing his forehead with his hand. "I guess I just can't stand the thought of anyone hurting you," he admitted, his voice tinged with frustration and vulnerability.

"And I appreciate your concern, but Carlos isn't going to hurt me," I reassured him. "In fact, he's shown me nothing but love and loyalty. You have nothing to worry about when it comes to him."

Charles leaned against the counter, the tension in his shoulders visibly easing. "It's just hard for me to wrap my head around this," he confessed, his voice quieter now. "You're my sister, and I've always watched out for you. And now, suddenly there's this guy who has your heart, and I feel like I've lost you in some way."

I gently placed a hand on his arm, my tone soft and understanding. "You haven't lost me, Charles," I assured him. "I'm still the same person I've always been. Being with Carlos doesn't change that. If anything, it has made me grow and feel even more complete."

After a moment of thoughtful silence, Charles let out a deep sigh. He turned to face me, his expression a mix of acceptance and resignation.

"You know, I don't have to like it, but I guess I can't stop you from loving whoever you want," he said, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

He reached out and pulled me into a tight hug. "Just promise me you'll be careful, okay? And if he hurts you, I swear I'll kick his ass."

I smiled, my heart feeling lighter as I hugged him back. "I promise, I'll be careful," I assured him. "And don't worry, I don't think Carlos has any plans to hurt me, also since Lorenzo and Arthur had that talk with him already."

Just then, the sound of footsteps echoed down the hallway, and Carlos appeared in the doorway, a curious look on his face.

Charles broke the hug, his expression turning serious. He turned to face Carlos with a scowl, and for a moment, I thought he was going to go back to his protective older brother mode. But instead, he surprised both me and Carlos.

"Alright, Carlos," he said, folding his arms across his chest. "We need to have a little talk."

Carlos exchanged a glance with me, his expression a mix of confusion and slight concern. "Uh, sure," he replied, cautiously walking towards us.

Charles crossed his arms, looking Carlos up and down. "I just want to make one thing clear," he began, his voice stern. "If you hurt my sister in any way, I will make your life miserable. Do you understand me?"

Carlos chuckled nervously, his hands raised in a surrendering gesture. "Yeah, yeah, I hear you loud and clear," he said, his smile strained. "I have no intention of hurting her. I care about her deeply."

Charles let out a stifled laugh, breaking the serious facade for a moment. "Relax, man," he said, patting Carlos on the back. "Just wanted to make sure you got the message."

Carlos relaxed, letting out a nervous chuckle. "I got it, loud and clear."

Charles, feeling satisfied with his conversation with Carlos, excused himself from the kitchen, leaving us alone.

As the door closed behind him, the room fell into a comfortable silence. I turned to face Carlos, a soft smile playing on my lips.

"Well, that was quite a scene," I teased, moving closer to him. "I can't believe my brother just gave you the brother talk."

Carlos chuckled, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer. "Yeah, I was half expecting him to threaten me with his hockey stick or something," he joked, a playful grin on his face.

I laughed, resting my head against his chest. "Thankfully, he didn't go that far," I mused, enjoying the warmth of his embrace. "But I think he's finally starting to realize that we're serious about each other."

"I think he got the message," Carlos agreed, tightening his grip on me. "He's just protective because he cares about you."

Carlos and I stood there in the kitchen, wrapped in each other's arms, enjoying the quiet intimacy of the moment. Without a word, he gently lifted my chin, his gaze locking onto mine.

His hand gently traced the contour of my face, his touch sending shivers down my spine. A soft smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he leaned closer, his breath caressing my skin.

Slowly, his lips found mine in a tender kiss, his lips moving against mine with a sweet, familiar rhythm. His arms enveloped me fully, pulling me flush against his body, as if trying to merge us into one.

Just as we were fully engrossed in the tender moment, the door swung open with a bang, and Charles burst into the room, a mock scowl on his face.

"Hey! No PDA, you two! At least not when I'm present." he exclaimed, attempting to sound strict with his disgusted face.

I rolled my eyes at him. Soon maman entered the room just in time to witness Charles' dramatic entrance. She gave him a disapproving look and promptly grabbed him by the ear, scolding him in a playful manner.

"Charles, what did I tell you about interrupting?" she scolded, tugging on his ear. "Give them some space!"

Charles winced, his face contorting in a mixture of pain and embarrassment. "Ow! Maman, come on!" he protested, trying to wriggle out of her grip. "I was just messing around!"

As Charles was dragged out of the room, still protesting and rubbing his sore ear, Carlos and I shared a laugh at his expense.

Once we composed ourselves, Carlos turned back to me, an affectionate smile playing on his lips. "So, where were we?" he asked, his hands finding my waist again.

I melted into his touch, our laughter subsiding as the mood grew warmer once more. I wrapped my arms around his neck, our bodies now pressed close together.

"Right here," I murmured, my voice soft and intimate. "Exactly where we should be."

With our bodies pressed together and our hearts beating in unison, our eyes met. A soft smile tugged at the corners of my lips, and the words spilled from my mouth in a gentle whisper.

"I love you," I said, my voice filled with sincerity and warmth.

Carlos' eyes lit up as he heard my confession, a warm smile stretching across his face. He caressed my cheek gently, his touch sending shivers down my spine.

"I love you too mi amor," he replied, his voice filled with tenderness and conviction. "More than you know."

After all what happened we continued our whirlwind romance without a care in the world. Sure, Charles would occasionally play the part of a protective brother and make sarcastic comments about us being "disgustingly cute," but deep down, we knew he just wanted us to be happy.

And no matter how many times he barged in on us when we had some alone time, or how frequently he made fun of us for being cheesy, I wouldn't trade our love for anything in the world.

yourusername posted on instagram!

Liked by carlossainz55, landonorris and others

yourusername Date with mi amor

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carlossainz55: Mon amour

yourusername: Te amo

charles_leclerc: Get this off my feed

yourusername: Scroll you imbécile alexandrasaintmleux: Behave Charles charles_leclerc: 😔

arthur_leclerc: Disgustingly cute 🤢

yourusername: All I see is jealousy

alexandrasaintmleux: So so cute 🤍

yourusername: Big kiss for you 🫶

f1_chns_81: Quick everybody act surprised!

ham81lewicar: We should've known by the amount of times Carlos was under her post

chrl_lewis_merc: I really want to know what Charles reaction was after finding out

ff_love_rb: For real. I would pay to be a fly on their wall to know what happened

carlossainz55 posted on Instagram!

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carlossainz55 Now she's more at my side of the garage. I won 🙌

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yourusername: Je t’aime amour ❤️ by author

charles_leclerc: You're lucky I'm in a different country right now.

landonorris: Now I can finally brag that I was the first one that knew

charles_leclerc: HE KNEW???!!! yourusername: No comment.

waghouse_f1: They're so cute omg

carlosxosc_lover: I'm just here for the Charles and Carlos beef

bb_f1_lover: Same hana_formula1_news: Same verstappen4ever1: Same lestappen_united: Same landonorris: Same charles_leclerc: @landonorris ???

The end

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amirasainz · 1 day

Note

Can you please do reader is Charles and Alexandra ex but they are obsessed with her and can’t believe she dumped them, they trying to get her back but she’s moved on. Maybe only if your comfortable do Charles and Alex dark?

Alright, so this is my first time writing something dark. I hope I did a good job. Pease keep in ind that this is just a story for entertainement and nothing about this is real.

Enjoy reading and send me some requests!!!

-XoXo

In the grip of obsession

The room was spinning, a dull throb pulsing at the back of Y/N’s head. Her eyelids were heavy, her limbs weak and uncooperative. Darkness surrounded her, but as her senses slowly returned, she realized she wasn’t in the club anymore. She wasn’t anywhere familiar.

The cold, sterile scent of the room mingled with the faint smell of expensive cologne. Panic crept in as she tried to move, her body betraying her as her muscles refused to respond. Her wrists felt raw, tightly bound behind her back. She could feel soft silk pressed against her skin, but the comfort of the fabric was overshadowed by the hard chair beneath her.

Slowly, Y/N forced her eyes open, squinting against the dim light filtering in from a nearby window. Shadows danced across the room, but through the haze of confusion, one thing became terrifyingly clear—she was not alone.

"Finally awake, mon amour?" a voice broke the silence, soft but with an undercurrent of dangerous obsession.

Charles.

Her heart dropped into her stomach as her eyes darted around the room, finally landing on him. He stood by the window, his silhouette illuminated by the streetlights outside, his piercing eyes locked onto her. His usual boyish charm was gone, replaced by something darker, more unhinged.

"You shouldn’t have gone out," came another voice from the corner of the room, this one softer but no less menacing. Alexandra stepped into the light, her arms crossed as she studied Y/N like a predator watching its prey. "You knew better than that."

Y/N's mouth was dry, her throat burning as she tried to speak, but all that came out was a ragged whisper, "W-what... What is this?"

Charles walked toward her, crouching in front of her chair. His face, usually so handsome and full of life, was twisted with something she could only describe as obsession. He reached out, brushing a stray lock of hair from her face. She flinched, but he didn’t seem to notice—or maybe he didn’t care.

"This," he whispered, "is where you belong."

Her heart pounded in her chest as the realization set in. This wasn’t a nightmare she could wake up from. This was real.

"Why are you doing this?" Y/N's voice was shaky, fear creeping into every word. She tugged at the ropes binding her hands, but they didn’t give.

"You broke up with us," Alexandra said coldly, stepping closer, her eyes narrowing. "You thought you could just walk away? After everything we’ve been through? After all the hate you put up with for us?"

"That wasn’t your choice to make," Charles added, his voice low and dangerous. "You belong to us, Y/N. You always did."

She shook her head, her vision still blurry, but the horror of the situation cut through the fog in her mind. "You’re insane... both of you."

Charles chuckled, his eyes darkening. "Maybe. But we don’t care anymore. We tried to let you go, we really did. But you’re everywhere, Y/N. Every time I close my eyes, I see you. Every race, every podium, every fucking interview, it’s you. I can’t breathe without thinking about you."

"Neither can I," Alexandra said, her voice calmer but no less disturbing. "You broke us, Y/N. And now we’re just fixing what you broke."

"You can’t do this," Y/N gasped, her voice cracking with desperation. "Let me go, Charles. Alex, please..."

But they just stared at her, unmoved by her pleas.

"You went out clubbing, Y/N," Alexandra said, almost scolding. "Dressed like that, with those friends of yours. You’ve moved on, haven’t you?"

Y/N didn’t answer, too scared of what they’d do if she told the truth.

"You’re ours," Charles growled, his patience wearing thin. He grabbed her chin roughly, forcing her to look at him. His eyes blazed with possessiveness. "You always were, and you always will be. We were too nice before, letting you walk away like that. But not anymore."

Tears stung Y/N's eyes as she struggled against the restraints. Her wrists burned, her head pounded, and the overwhelming feeling of dread consumed her.

"I don’t love you anymore," she whispered, her voice trembling.

For a moment, the room fell silent. Charles' grip tightened painfully on her jaw, his knuckles white with tension. Alexandra's eyes flashed dangerously.

"You don’t mean that," Charles said, though his voice wavered. He was trying to convince himself as much as her. "You’re just upset. You’ll remember soon enough how good we were together. We made you happy, Y/N."

"You made me miserable," she spat, her voice gaining strength despite the terror gripping her. "I couldn’t even go online without people tearing me apart for being with you. And you did nothing. You let them do it. You cared more about your careers than about me."

Alexandra's face twisted with fury. "That’s not true! We loved you—we love you. Those people were jealous, that's all. They hated that you had what they wanted."

Y/N shook her head, refusing to be gaslighted by them. "No, you loved the idea of me. But I was never enough for you."

Charles stood abruptly, pacing the room like a caged animal. His hands raked through his hair, frustration evident in every movement. "You don’t understand. You were everything to us! We just... we just didn’t know how to handle it then. But we do now."

Y/N’s pulse quickened as she saw the crazed determination in his eyes. They weren’t going to let her go. Not ever.

"You can’t keep me here," she said, trying to reason with them. "Someone will notice I’m missing. The team... my friends..."

Alexandra smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. "We’ve taken care of that. Everyone thinks you left the club with some random guy. They'll believe whatever story we give them."

Y/N’s stomach churned. She hadn’t realized how carefully they had planned this.

"You won’t get away with this," she whispered, though even she wasn’t sure she believed it.

"Oh, but we already have," Charles said, stepping closer again, his hand cupping her cheek with a false tenderness. "You’ll see, Y/N. In time, you’ll remember how good we are together. We’ll make you love us again."

Her breath hitched as she saw the manic intensity in his eyes. There was no reasoning with them. They had crossed a line, one from which they could never return.

"You can fight it," Alexandra said softly, brushing her fingers down Y/N’s arm, "but you won’t win. We’re not going to hurt you, Y/N. We just... we just need you back." Alex gave forcefully gave her a kiss on the lips, while Charles sucked the skin of her neck between his teeth, leaving a hickey behind. And just like that, they left.

Y/N closed her eyes, a tear slipping down her cheek. She was trapped, bound in more ways than one, and no one was coming to save her.

#formula 1 #formula 1 x reader #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc x alexandra saint mleux x reader #dark!charles leclerc #dark!alexandra saint mleux #dark!story #dark!f1 #charles leclerc x alexandra saint mleux x girlfriend

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outofconcheol · 12 hours

Text

Tune In For Love (KSM x GN!Reader)

pairing: college radio host!Seungmin x co-host!reader

genres/au/rating: sfw, mostly fluff, the mildest of angst, idiots to lovers, pg

summary: When you and Seungmin come up with a crazy new idea for your radio show, a week of chaos and unspoken feelings unfolds. As you learn more about relationships, will the two of you tune in for love? Or decide to shut it down completely?

warnings: swearing, fake exes trope, a playlist of seungmin coded songs mentioned, stupid amounts of pining, mentions of relationship drama, they almost kiss, then they actually kiss, one mild (joking ) threat of violence, Jeongin being the best wingman ever, RAIN, Ningning, Joshua, Cheol, and Day6 all make cameos

word count: 2.8k

a/n: happy Seungmin day!! honestly this could have been a whole fic on its own but i'm happy with this cute little drabble! this draws some inspiration from the ex talk by rachel lynn solomon. our boy deserves all the love, i hope you enjoy!

“Okay everyone, this has been another week at The Sound FM, the university’s #1 radio station! ____ and Seungmin signing off!”

Your voice fades out to the tune of the hit that Seungmin had selected for the week, ears perking up at the rumble of the bass and the tick tick tick of the hi-hat. Another Day6 song. Congratulations this time.

“When will you admit that you’re Day6’s number one fan?”

“When you admit that you’re their number two,” Seungmin adjusts his glasses, a devious smirk lighting up his face.

(You were, but you would never give Seungmin the satisfaction.)

“That segment on how to deal with the stress of midterms turned out great! What should we do next?”

You fidget with your pen, tapping it against your notepad, twirling it around in your fingers, before moving to put it behind your ear–

Seungmin’s hands shoot out, fingers clasping around yours for a brief moment, and a shiver runs through you, despite the fact that it was sunny outside with not a cloud in sight.

“I had an idea, actually, well it’s not my idea, Jeongin brought it up..”

For however composed the two of you were on air, you turned into awkward rambling messes when the mics were off. It had always been like that though. You’d been hosting the show with Seungmin for the better part of a year and you still didn’t know why you felt shy around him, or why you’d barely progressed beyond simple acquaintances.

“There’s this girl that uh, he, yeah he wants to impress, so he was asking if our next segment could maybe have something to do with dating advice.”

“That is sooo much better than the segment on recycling tips I was planning,” you nudge him, oblivious to the way his ears turn red.

“Oooh but what if we make it spicy you know? Like approach relationships from a different angle?”

“What angle?” Seungmin rubs at the back of his neck. “As far as I know, neither of us are in a relationship. I mean, right?”

“Right but no one else has to know that! What if we pretend that we’re exes, who broke up? Hindsight is always 20/20, people will eat that up!”

“I thought I was supposed to be the menace here,” Seungmin’s tone is deadpan but his eyes sparkle with mischief.

“What can I say, you’re rubbing off on me Min,” you giggle. “So, what do you say we put your charm to good use?”

“You think I’m charming ___?”

You miss the excitement in his tone, writing it off as enthusiasm for the whole absurdity of this plan.

“Who knows, Min! Maybe we’ll even find people! This is so exciting!”

Seungmin pauses briefly, a choked sound escaping his mouth, but you think you imagine it, watching him straighten and nod.

Laughter fills the studio as you bicker back and forth about what to include and how the next week would go. It was a risk, but you hoped it would pay off — both on the airwaves and maybe even for your stagnant love life. The possibilities were endless.

“Hello, and welcome to Tune in For Love! We are your hosts, ___ and Seungmin, and for the next week we’ll be tackling all your relationship questions and concerns!”

Your voice booms into the mic, echoing throughout the tiny studio, and you take a moment to mute yourself, heart pounding in your ears. Butterflies had begun to bubble up in your chest – you were really doing this.

“You ready for this?” Seungmin’s voice knocks you out of your daze, and you look over to see his lips twist into a lazy smile, running his fingers through his hair.

Fuck. Why did that make your stomach flip-flop?

You give him a shaky nod. It was probably just the rush of trying something new, so different from what you were used to. The simultaneous thrill and terror of dipping your toes into uncharted waters.

Seungmin unmutes the mic, his softer, more melodious voice reverberating into the windscreen. He’d make a great singer, you think. Maybe for your next segment you could convince him to croon on air.

“We’re your resident experts on dating, whether it's still in the early stages of puppy love, the cool cruising of the honeymoon phase, or the bitter sting of love gone wrong. We have all your answers, right here, right now on The Sound FM!”

“Trust me, we’ve had experience with all of those,” you chuckle.

The story just falls off your tongue – a tumultuous end to a relationship that had never existed, one full of angst and heartbreak that even the finest writer couldn’t think of. Seungmin interrupts you spontaneously to respond to your dramatic anecdotes with dry quips of his, and you can’t believe it — you actually sound like a couple. A real couple.

“How was I supposed to know you were allergic to garlic? You let me take you to an Italian restaurant on the first date!”

“As my boyfriend, you should have asked my best friend about my allergies! That’s like standard dating protocol,” you shoot back, making sure to smile so that Seungmin knows you’re not serious.

“Noted, I’ll keep that in mind for the next relationship,” Seungmin grunts, the air becoming thick with a tension you can’t pinpoint.

Clearing your throat, your fingers hover over the buttons of the soundboard.

“How about we take some listener calls instead?”

The line crackles to life, a caller named Ningning groaning about how her girlfriend forget their anniversary and didn’t even apologize.

“It’s an honest mistake,” Seungmin mutters.

“I don’t think so,” you counter, chewing your lip. “It’s important to be considerate of special moments like anniversaries, birthdays. It means you care. I mean Seungmin probably doesn’t even remember mine–”

“October 17th,” he interrupts you, and you go rigid. How did he even know?

I asked Jeongin, he mouths, and it only leaves you more confused. Why would he need to know that? It leaves you more embarrassed that you don’t know his exact day, only that it was sometime in September.

Ningning rambles on, thanking you both for the added perspective and resolving to make things right with her girlfriend. You feel your heart warm at her determination, amazed at the effect that you and Seungmin had already managed to have on your listeners.

Seungmin closes out the show, the easygoing and carefree chords of Polaroid Love ringing into the mic, and you think to yourself, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

As the sun sets, campus comes alive, buzzing with excitement. You glance out the window, watching students filter out of the library, walking towards the commons for a cup of coffee, or hugging outside their dorms. A deep pang of longing hits your gut, not sure whether its from watching them outside or the fact that you’re cramped here in the tiny studio, band posters all over the walls, and Seungmin is playing Love You For A Long Time, Maggie Rogers’ ethereal voice filling the space between you.

“Had to ease you into our next listener call,” Seungmin grins into the mic. “This one is – ouch. It might hit home for some of us, I mean you all.”

“Hi, ___ and Seungmin? I’m Joshua, a senior. I’m calling because I have a dilemma – my best friend Seungcheol just started dating my ex, and I’m not sure how to feel. On one hand I wanna be happy for them, but on the other hand, I’m a mess. What would you do if you found out one of you was dating someone else?”

“Oh.” Seungmin breathes out, and he remains there, lips parted like he’s frozen. An awkward silence falls over the studio, and you’re sure Joshua is blinking on the other end of the line, wondering what the hell just happened.

“I’m not sure,” you shudder, thinking of the hypothetical situation. But it wasn’t so hypothetical. You and Seungmin were free to date people. There was nothing stopping you. But it still felt wrong somehow.

“I would give yourself some space, Joshua. Take time to confront your own feelings about this, and when you’re ready you can decide what to do. Let yourself heal first.”

“That’s a good answer,” Seungmin whispers, and you panic, muttering out a rushed goodbye before cutting the broadcast.

“Wow,” you sigh. “That was, I–, I guess I didn’t think of that when I suggested this.”

“Think of what?” Seungmin’s eyes glimmer with interest, and he leans in closer.

“How shit would get so deep? Like how would I actually react if that happened to me? I don’t even want to think about it.”

“Sometimes this feels almost like we’re not pretending,” Seungmin murmurs, a strained laugh escaping his throat, a mask for the change in his tone.

You’re not sure what you want to say, but it feels like you should say something. The moment hangs heavy in between you two, and you don’t remember how Seungmin got so close, brushing his thumb against your cheek.

“Seungmin, I–”

“You had a piece of hair in your face,” he responds, straightening up to stretch his arms. “It’s late, want me to grab you an americano?”

Shaking your head, you manage to muster up a weak response, telling him to go ahead without you. He nods slightly, before throwing his jacket on and slipping out the door, leaving you alone.

An unsettling dilemma dawns on you – this was supposed to be an act, but why did it feel so real?

“You know,” Jeongin’s loud chewing echoes in the dining hall, Seungmin bristling as he watches his friend stuff five french fries into his mouth at once. “I should revoke your roommate privileges for this stunt you pulled. I thought you were grumpy before, but breaking up with ____ has taken it to a whole new level.”

Seungmin scowls, cursing under his breath at Jeongin. Yanking his headphones out of his ears, the lamenting tune of These Days by Wallows cuts off abruptly.

Outside the rain patters, echoing his stormy emotions. Over the course of the past week, his mood had felt like he was on the world’s most nausea-inducing roller coaster ride. The highs were the times he got to spend with you in the studio, cracking jokes and watching your eyes shine as the two of you came up with the next devious plot for the show. The lows were the knot in his stomach every time someone would call in with a question that hit a little too hard.

After this week, he was glad the show would end, and maybe you guys could go back to the way things were before. That easy, comfortable dynamic that always existed between you two.

“Bullshit,” Jeongin sees the way his eyes zone out, like he can read Seungmin’s mind. “I know you, and I know what you’re thinking and it’s absolute bullshit. You’re in too deep, hyung.”

“I’ll fucking punch you,” Seungmin hisses. “What the hell am I supposed to do, huh? Just spill to ___ that this isn’t some game for me? That my feelings are real? Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Hyung–”

A gasp echoes from behind him, and Seungmin turns to see you behind him. Your lip trembles, and you lock eyes with him, a tear escaping the corner before you’re turning on your heels, running out of the dining hall.

Seungmin stands there, frozen with the weight of what he’d just confessed, heart sinking to his shoes. All of a sudden, he feels a sharp jab to his arm, Jeongin’s fist colliding with it.

“What are you waiting for? Run!”

The rain pelts the back of Seungmin’s neck as he runs, indifferent to the fact that he’s probably soaked to the bone, slipping and sliding along the cobblestone. He can make out your figure storming ahead furiously, like you can’t get away fast enough, and he speeds up, panic in his voice.

“___, wait! Please stop.”

His voice turns hoarse from all the yelling, and he’s about to give up, turn back in defeat (and go sock Jeongin cry into his friend’s shoulder), when you stop under a streetlight, your figure slumping.

Seungmin is by your side in moments, not caring that he takes your hands in his, blowing on them to give you warmth.

“Y-you d-don’t even h-have an umbrella, w-what were y-you thinking?” he chatters, and he watches your lips turn up in a smile. But your eyes remain downcast.

“What about you?” you whisper, and Seungmin cocks his head, looking at you in confusion.

“I left my jacket in the dining hall with Jeongin—”

“No Seungmin, I mean what about you?” your voice croaks desperately.

Seungmin takes a deep breath. There was no use in pretending anymore.

“I think I’m in love with you and I don’t know what to do,” he chokes out.

You take his hands in yours and Seungmin feels dizzy. The cold rain no longer bothers him, warmth filling his veins from the inside out.

“You think?” you sniffle.

“I know. I know I’ve been in love with you, since the day you walked into the studio and pitched your ideas for five-star dorm meals.”

“I really like your hands,” you blurt out, and Seungmin’s eyes widen in shock. That was not the response you’d been expecting.

“They’re warm when mine are always cold, I like the way they look when they’re holding a pencil, or when you bring me a cup of coffee. I like your voice too – the way you sing along to Day6 when you think no one is listening, or your annoying little laugh–”

“It is not annoying–”

You press a finger to his lips, and Seungmin thinks he might just evaporate.

“Not now, Min. I’m trying to say something here. What I’m trying to say is that if there’s anything this whole week has taught me, it’s how much I like you. How much I want to have those crappy problems that everyone complains about with you, how much I want to celebrate birthdays with you, and anniversaries with you, and how I think I might collapse inside if I ever saw you with someone else—”

It’s Seungmin’s turn to interrupt you now, cold lips colliding with yours, the initial shock replaced with heat. Your hands burrow into his hair and he draws you closer, hands weaving around your waist. The startled, frantic sounds of your breathing did nothing to help the pounding of his heart, and he wonders if you can hear it too.

In this moment, Seungmin never wants to let go, holding you steady against him even when you part, your breath fanning in the cold air.

“I just, I, needed to be honest. No more pretending.”

“No more pretending,” he smiles against your lips, nudging his nose against yours.

The wet slap of shoes against the pavement interrupts you both, turning to see the Jeongin behind you, Seungmin’s jacket in his arms. He takes in the sight of you two wrapped around each other, a smug grin lighting up his entire face.

“Hell yeah! It worked!”

“___ and Seungmin signing off, this is Tune in For Love on The Sound FM, and we’ve loved having you this week!”

The air in the studio buzzes with a different kind of excitement – the dreamy notes of Hypnotized by The Weston Estate filling up the room.

“Before we go, we have something to share with you–” your voice wobbles, and Seungmin reaches out immediately, squeezing your hand.

“Please send your email petitions in so our show doesn’t get canceled, but we’ve been faking it this whole time. We’re not actually exes.”

You can almost hear the collective gasp across campus, the soundboard going crazy as it lights up with calls.

“We are, as of yesterday, the happiest, and newest–, couple on campus,” Seungmin beams, his pride echoing through the mic and your heart lurches at how right it feels to be his.

You hit the answer button, the lines flooding with congratulations and well-wishes to the news.

“Congrats!” Ningning’s voice echoes. “I always thought you were the cutest together.”

“You make me want to find someone of my own now,” Joshua says in the background, and the studio fills with you and Seungmin’s laughter.

When the last call goes through, Jeongin gives you both a thumbs up, shutting off the soundboard.

You turn to Seungmin, heart racing.

“I can’t believe we actually did this,” he says, half-laughing.

“Me neither,” you reply, a soft smile on his lips. “But I’m really glad we did. It feels… right, you know?”

“Thanks for being part of this with us,” he echoes through the airwaves, his voice sincere. “We’re excited to see what’s next—together. And while the show may be over, we hope you’ll still tune in for love every single week — no matter the topic.”

“Next – how to cook a five star meal worthy of any restaurant using just your dorm microwave…”

a/n pt. 2: As always, any feedback or comments are much appreciated, but I appreciate you all anyway. Lots of love, Isi 💜

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theelizamanelli · 2 days

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Tengoku

Reina Iyashi wants a normal, mundane existence until Satoru Gojo takes a special interest in her uncanny ability to bring people back to life (or so Itadori says) and offers her a job as his assistant at Jujutsu High. Tags: 18+, satoru gojo x female oc, boss x assistant, golden retriever x black cat, forced proximity, slow burn, eventual smut, romance, one bed, implied/referenced suicide attempt, blood and violence, grinding link to all chapters link to ao3

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Chapter Ten

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“With all that cuddling we did, I didn’t think you would mind,” Gojo leaned against the wall, gesturing towards the bed.

Heat spread through Reina’s neck, kissing the edge of her cheeks. Standing abruptly, she stomped towards her luggage attempting to snatch it from Gojo.

He yanked it out of reach, sliding it behind his body.

“It was a joke, Iyashi. It was the only room they had.” He placed a key into her outstretched hand with a chuckle before rolling their suitcases towards the opposite wall.

Reina scrunched her face and let out a deep sigh, “You’re lucky. Next time there better be two beds.”

“Are you scared you won’t be able to resist my late night charm?” Gojo fell onto the edge of the bed, turning to prop himself up on an elbow.

“You’ll see all of this and just have to touch it?” He gestured with his free hand down the length of his body.

“In your dreams, pretty boy.” Reina scoffed, crossing her arms.

“Every night, Iyashi.” Gojo replied sweetly before standing up from the mattress.

Reina began unpacking her suitcase, placing her clothes in the dresser systematically. Gojo leaned over her shoulder, watching her process with care.

“Looks a lot better than mine,” He took a few steps backwards to where his luggage lay on its side, the contents spilling out.

She winced at the sight, turning her attention back to the drawer. Reina began to tap her foot, glancing at Gojo as he rifled through his things - furthering the mess. Throwing her shirt down with a huff, she took a step towards him.

“Just give it to me,” she said with exasperation, nudging Gojo out of the way.

He sat cross legged on the bed, watching Reina fold his clothes and place them alongside hers. Hanging his button up shirts in the closet and lining his shoes along the wall. She slid their suitcases into the closet, his blue a dark contrast to her pink.

With a satisfied smile, Reina spun in his direction, “Are you ready?”

Gojo clasped his hands together and swung himself off the bed, “Here we go!”

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The path outside of the inn ran parallel to the river, a sliver of the sunset remaining on the water line.

“So, there’s going to be a next time?” Gojo asked, referencing her earlier comment. He turned his body to face hers, walking sideways in order to meet her gaze.

Attempting to avoid eye contact, she dodged his line of sight by moving her head in different directions.

“If you’re good,” she replied, spotting an elderly woman standing a few buildings down sweeping the front stoop.

“Satoru Gojo is always good,” he stated in a serious tone, straightening up with exaggerated pride.

Reina snorted at the notion, quickly averting her face as Gojo laughed.

“What a beautiful couple!” remarked the older lady.

He paused, tossing a devilish grin at Reina before he twirled around.

“Isn’t she?” Placing a hand on Reina’s shoulder, Gojo gazed at her lovingly. “You should have seen her on our wedding day.”

He wiped a fake tear from his cheek, Reina struck him with a sideways glare.

The elder clutched the front of her shirt, “That is so sweet! Oh, to be loved like that. You are a lucky woman.” She faced Reina with a soft smile, glancing between the two of them.

Gojo squeezed her shoulder tightly, an indication to play along.

“The luckiest,” she grit out, a tight smile splaying across her lips.

“Are you two here celebrating something?” she asked, propping her broom against the door frame.

“Yes, our anniversary.” Gojo reached for Reina’s hand, she kept it tight to her body - her face hardening. Gojo pulled, forcing her to release the tension in her arm.

“It’s a pretty town, you should visit the bakery up the road,” she gestured down the path.

“Are there any places we should avoid? It’s my duty to keep my wife safe.” Gojo nodded solemnly, placing his free hand over his heart.

The woman appeared to melt at the words, throwing a scathing look at Reina’s indifference before responding. “Well, be careful to avoid the eastern side of the woodline at night.”

She paused, gazing towards the trees with a somber look, “There have been a few missing cats and dogs as of late. My little Pochi has been gone for three days.”

Pulling a photo out of her pocket, she pressed it forward into Gojo’s line of sight - avoiding Reina’s attempts to look. A smiling woman sat in a chair with a small white dog in her lap.

“If we see him, we will let you know,” Gojo replied sincerely. “Thank you for the advice!”

“Come along, sweetheart!” Still holding onto Reina’s hand, he yanked her towards him and continued down the path.

“Our anniversary, huh?” seethed Reina, “Is this how you always act on your jobs? Lying to get what you want?”

Gojo casually inspected the surroundings, “Yeah, pretty much.”

Walking in the direction of the woodline, Gojo intermittently stopped to converse with the locals. Spewing a similar story - the women gasped with glee at his retelling, casting judgemental glances in Reina’s direction as she sat awkwardly on the sideline.

There was a consistent resounding concern for the eastern border of the trees. A few had noted the disappearance of tourists - abandoned cars in the clearings nearby. That was all the confirmation the pair needed before they entered the forest.

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The night had settled in between the trees, forcing Reina to focus her energy on avoiding rogue roots rather than locating the curse.

Gojo walked ahead, confidently, moving branches out of her way.

Stumbling over a rock that Reina failed to note, distracted by Gojo’s frame in the moonlight, she steadied herself on a tree.

Gojo turned towards her, one hand in his pocket as he commented, “You’re not the most graceful, are you?”

“Sorry, we can’t all have sixteen eyes or whatever,” She grumbled, pushing off the bark.

Gojo chuckled and stepped forward, surveying the area. “People have always been unsettled by them.”

Sliding in next to him, Reina watched as he used his index finger to pull the blindfold out - letting it spring back into place.

She furrowed her brows at the prospect, “I prefer to look at them,” she replied without thinking. Straightening up, she hurried forward so as to not catch his eye.

“You’ve mentioned that before,” he murmured, the hint of a smile in his voice. “It’s easier to have the blindfold or sunglasses, it can be an information overload.”

A crack echoed through the woods causing Reina to take a step backwards - bouncing off of Gojo’s stomach.

He leaned forward - whispering in her ear, “What? Are you scared?”

Goosebumps pimpled along the back of her neck.

A fox sprung out from behind the bushes, its claws digging into the ground. The entrance of a den hiding behind its body, four beady eyes shining from the hole.

“We found your youkai,” Reina said with a sigh.

“Poor Pochi.” whimpered Gojo.

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The heat spread across the counter and slithered underneath the door from the shower. Reina used a towel to lazily dry her hair before pulling on shorts and a tee.

She opened the door slowly, Gojo sat on the floor scrolling his phone. His pallet of blankets spread underneath him, he slid his gaze upwards.

“It’s a cold night and all they have is that fireplace,” He pointed to the corner of the room where he had kindled the flame.

She looked down at her clothes, “It’s all I brought for pajamas.”

He shrugged, leaning back onto his pillows. She carefully skirted around his space before climbing into the bed. Reina quickly covered herself with the comforter, the cold beginning to seep into her bones as the warmth of the shower disappeared.

Silence stretched in the air as Reina gazed out the window, admiring the stars.

“Thank you for coming, Iyashi,” Gojo said quietly. Reina felt the heat in her cheeks, she leaned forward to peer down at the pallet.

Gojo’s eyes were closed, his arm resting on his forehead.

“You’re welcome,” she replied softly.

Reina thought of their earlier conversation, wondering how lonely little Gojo was. She reasoned that they had more in common than she realized.

The fireplace crackled in the corner, supplying minimal heat to the bed. She looked over at Gojo, seemingly unaffected by the brisk air. His proximity to the flames proved advantageous to not freezing to death.

Her teeth chattered loudly, her body shivering uncontrollably. Reina pulled her knees upwards to meet her chest and tightened her grip on the comforter.

“You’re shaking the bed,” muttered Gojo from the ground.

“Sh-sh-shut up,” her mouth fighting against the clattering.

“You know, I could think of a few ways to warm you up,” he teased.

“I hope you catch fire in your sleep,” Reina replied with an annoyed tone.

“Suit yourself,” the blankets rustled as he re-adjusted.

Reina stared into the darkness, observing how the light of the fire danced along the wall. Desperate to distract herself from the bitter frost threatening to swallow her. She glanced down at Gojo who was resting comfortably in the opposite direction, facing the window.

She turned her attention to the ceiling - reasoning with her conscience. Huffing, she gathered the comforter in her arms and slid softly to the ground. Tossing it lightly over his body, Reina pulled the edge of the blankets up and slipped underneath.

The immediate warmth spread into her toes and worked slowly up.

The heat radiating from Gojo coaxed her closer, she fought momentarily before succumbing to its allure. Reina pressed lightly against his body, careful to not wake him.

She felt her lids begin to drift shut, the smell of his cologne caressing her nose. Reina nuzzled her head into the back of his shirt, she froze - her eyes widening. Wincing, she inwardly chastised herself - he would never let her live this down if he woke up.

A few moments passed, Reina let out a sigh of relief when Gojo didn’t stir. Relaxing against his body, she allowed herself to close her eyes.

Lifting a leg to maneuver herself, Reina settles into Gojo’s lap. Sliding a hand up his torso and around his neck - softly playing with his hair in the back.

He lets out a groan, leaning his head into her hands.

Reina shifts her hips against Gojo’s growing hardness. A moan slipping from her lips as her fingernails dig into his shoulder.

She grinds, Gojo grabs her hips desperately - begging for friction.

He drags himself up and down, a blush spreading across Reina’s cheeks.

Gojo leans forward and kisses her neck, whispering into her ear “Are you warm enough?”

She tilts her head to the side, trying to understand his words.

“Are you warm enough, Iyashi?”

One leg strewn across his body, Reina’s shorts were riding his boxers. Her head lay softly on his chest with an arm around his neck, her fingers holding onto a piece of hair.

Horrified, Reina bolted upright - pressing herself into his groin. A low groan stuck in his throat as he reached for her hips.

“Please, no more movement,” Gojo stared up at Reina, a pained look in his eyes. “Haven’t I endured enough torture this morning?”

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Sulking behind him, Reina dragged her feet along the sidewalk as Gojo wandered forward.

“Lighten up, Iyashi. It was only a dream - at least you weren’t cold,” He said playfully, a sideways glance in her direction.

With a huff, she smacked his shoulder. “Don’t,” she warned.

He laughed, returning his gaze to the path, a group of teenagers stood outside of a cafe - gossiping loudly.

“Yeah, he went to that old well again. God, who’s going to tell him that thing’s an old wive’s tale?” remarked one of the boys with a cruel chuckle.

“I mean, how stupid could he be? Does he think that’s going to make her like him? How embarrassing.” a girl giggled, leaning her head back.

Gojo paused, listening intently. Reina nearly ran into his back, stopping herself with a quick dig of her heels.

“What?” she asked, attempting to peer around him.

The kids continued on towards the river, a man walked forward to clear the table they had been sitting at.

“Sir? We are trying to do some sightseeing.” He looked back at Reina, pulling her forward. “It’s our honeymoon.” He patted her arm, she smiled at the man in an attempt to play along.

“We heard of an old well?” He inquired, watching the man’s reaction carefully.

He dropped a glass, clattering to the table. “The Yamamoto Well?”

“That’s it!” Gojo said excitedly, Reina knew he didn’t know the name but was attempting to drag maximum information from the man.

“Oh, well, that’s more of an old legend. A long time ago, there was a young girl named Mai Yamamoto who fell in love with a nobleman. He left her for a woman of better standing. She went to that well and prayed for him to love her. Using a spell a local majo had given her,” The man shivered slightly. “When it didn’t work she killed herself, throwing her body down it.”

“Now teenagers mostly use it as a way to scare each other. I have heard of some trying love spells at it again.” He shrugged, pointing in the direction of the well, “Not really romantic if you ask me.”

Gojo thanked him for the information before hurrying them along. As they neared the area he had referred them to, the air began to thicken. Reina watched her breath swirl around her mouth, she tightened her coat around her waist.

“There’s a lot of cursed energy here,” Gojo stated. The street gave way to a small clearing, surrounded by trees. A stone well sat at the edge, covered by a wooden awning splintered by age.

“Spooky,” muttered Reina as they neared the well.

“Very,” Gojo concurred, peering around it.

A young boy crouched behind the stone, his long dark hair wrapping around his face - his fingers clutching the edge. He was notably shaken, mumbling to himself, “Why? Why? Why?” his volume slowly increased.

Gojo bent down, hands resting on his knees as he confronted him, “Hey, buddy, what’s up?”

He continued to mutter under his breath, rocking slightly. A slow whistle rose from the bottom of the well. Reina stiffened at the sound, taking a protective step towards Gojo.

She glanced down, the edge of a knife jutted out from the boy’s palm - his hand trembling.

The whistling grew louder, the sound reminding Reina of a bottle rocket.

“Gojo,” she whispered, a soft warning as he neared the boy and the well.

“It’s okay, you’re safe.” Gojo said softly, reaching for him.

His eyes widened in response, stumbling backwards to avoid the touch.

At that exact moment, a gray figure exploded from the top of the well - Reina reached for Gojo.

It landed on the edge in a crouch. The curse resembled a young woman in a tattered kimono. Her dark hair pulled back into a long ponytail. Three eyes glanced from Gojo to Reina.

Reina reached for the kaikens strapped to the outside of her pants, stepping into a defensive position.

Gojo straightened up, his eyes still on the young boy. He rolled his neck before turning towards the curse.

“You’re it?” He asked, lazily trailing his gaze over its body.

The monster cocked its head to the side before springing towards Gojo, hitting his limitless effect and sprawling backwards with a thud.

“How embarrassing,” He said, pity drenching his tone.

He stepped towards the curse, “How about you pick on someone your own size?”

It raced towards him again, its speed difficult for Reina to track with her eyes.

The boy was crawling around the well, in the opposite direction of the curse. She took a step towards him, the curse nearly reached Gojo when it stopped abruptly. Turning towards the boy.

Reina’s face hardened as she ran towards him, sliding across the grass to throw her body in front of his. The curse collided with her, she grunted at the impact - Reina slammed the kaikens into each shoulder. It roared before digging its claws into her side.

She managed to get a knee in between their bodies, she used the space to position her foot on its stomach.

Reina thrusted her leg forward, throwing it into the air. She groaned at the growing pain in her ribs, pushing her body backwards - forcing the boy to scoot along the ground retreating to the woodline.

“Help me up,” she gritted out, the boy faltering before shoving her upwards. She stumbled forward, straightening as the curse scurried in her direction.

Gojo knocked into it from the side, causing it to slip on the ground - it dug its claws into the grass to stop its momentum.

In the collision, he had reached forward to pull out one of the pink kaikens from its shoulder.

“You’re always losing these in fights, Iyashi.” He flipped it into the air, catching it with ease. “You should take better care of your toys.”

Reina scowled at him as he threw it in her direction, “At least I’m doing something, unlike some people.”

“Oh? I’m not doing anything?” Gojo turned to Reina, his hands in his pockets. The curse ran towards him, he maintained eye contact with her. Without moving he sliced through one of its arms, it lay mangled on the ground - desperately attempting to reach for him.

She rolled her eyes, “What a show off.”

The curse reeled, shaking its head before running towards him - he suspended it in the air momentarily.

“Bye bye,” Gojo said with a smile and a small wave of his hand.

Reina slammed her kaiken into the back of its skull. It shuddered before falling to the ground.

Gojo stepped over the corpse, walking towards the boy who sat trembling near the trees. He crouched down next to him, watching as he gripped the knife - his knuckles turning white.

“It’ll get better, kid,” Gojo placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, slowly removing the weapon from his grip with the other. “Don’t be in such a rush to end your youth. It’s a gift not everyone gets to enjoy.”

He stood bowing before running towards the street. Reina observed Gojo, his eyes followed as the boy rounded the corner - a strange look on his face. As if he reminded him of someone.

A crack sounded from the edge of the wood, she braced herself for the appearance of a second curse.

“You have got to be kidding me,” muttered Reina as a small white dog bounded towards Gojo from the trees, pouncing into his arms.

He twirled him in the air - shouting gleefully, “Pochi!”

Walking back to the town, the elderly woman stood conversing with the kid and his mother - he was crying as the woman hugged him. She ran towards Gojo, the dog barking happily at the reunion as it jumped towards her.

The mother of the young boy thanked Gojo profusely, bowing repeatedly as she held his hand tightly. Locals began to gather, taking turns shaking his hand. He accepted all of the praise with humility, desperately attempting to point them in Reina’s direction. Insistent that she had helped equally - a few had looked to her in response, thanking her.

The elderly woman looked to Reina with a nod of approval, Pochi wagging his tail in her arms.

She nudged Gojo, “Aren’t you going to thank your beautiful wife for all of her help?”

Excited murmurs spread through the crowd, the young women giggling - looking between Gojo and Reina.

He straightened, his eyes softened as he admired her - her appearance lighty tousled in the wake of the fight. He searched her face for permission as the older lady pushed him forward.

“Well, husband?” Reina cocked her head to the side, a smile playing on her lips. She had been instructed to play along.

A grin spread across his face as he reached for her, one hand rested on her cheek and the other on the side of her neck.

Reina held her breath in anticipation, her heart racing.

He leaned down, his cologne hugged her senses as his warm breath spread along her face.

Gojo’s lips pressed softly to hers, she let out a small gasp at the contact. He smiled against her mouth, moving his lips on hers. He leaned her head back, deepening the kiss - his tongue sliding against the inside of her bottom lip. Her moan slid into his mouth, Gojo groaned as he rubbed his thumb against her jaw.

“Oh, to be young again.” sighed the elderly woman.

Gojo pulled away slowly, his hands still connected. Reina could see a tinge of pink on his neck as she fought her own growing heat.

“Better than my dreams,” He mumbled low enough for her to hear.

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“I’ll miss that dog,” Gojo swiped an imaginary tear over his blindfold. “Iyashi, can we get a-”

“Absolutely not.” Reina replied sternly, rolling their suitcases in the direction of the train.

Slumping into the window seat, Gojo leaned his head against the glass with a yawn.

Reina slipped in next to him, settling in comfortably. She leaned back against the headrest with a sigh.

Reaching a hand towards her face, she ran a finger along her bottom lip before swiping her tongue across the inside - it still tasted like him.

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chapter eleven

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flownwrong · 2 days

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chaotic ckr c6d squee propaganda (?) post

This, started half a year ago for @ds30below, was initially a general c6d short reviews post but kinda skewed majorly towards CKR's repertoire and wasn't too review-y. So I gave up on making sense and on including the non-CKR works. I don't know who the audience for this is, because I never give basic details for people who don't know about this stuff but say too much for those who do. I giffed what I could and tried to avoid what I know a lot about but haven't actually seen. Here goes.

Frank's Cock (1993)

Not much to say. It's only 8 minutes, it's beautiful and you should see it if you haven't. I won't spoil the subject, but you can likely guess. Watch it, cry a little. Then go watch some more of Mike Hoolboom's stuff, the vimeo link above is from his channel.

Two X-Files episodes (1994 – 1995)

Well, I haven't actually seen X-files since I was about fifteen and watched the like two seasons, and I remember none of it. I rewatched the two early episodes CKR appears in and they were fun. I did not watch the, the movie or whatever where he's doing the evil gay thing. But really, this one is on the list so I can show you this self-indulgent gif of him being Very Long:

Double Happiness (1994)

You shouldn't watch this one for CKR. I mean, you absolutely should see him here, looking like he's barely out of his teens and playing up the insecure act and having devastating chemistry with devastatingly beautiful Sandra Oh, but this is not why it's great. And it's really, really great. It's touching and funny and sincere. If you wanna have some feels about complicated family relationships and identity and growing up (at any point in life), you'll find them here.

Curtis's Charm (1995)

Don't regret watching it, can't recommend. Not gonna lie, I was emotionally affected. But I usually am by things as in-your-face bleak as this. Mostly, it's trying very hard to be smarter than it is, I think.

However: CKR's One Wild Curl is everything to me (see above, on the right. It was, like, actually curly. I was rendered speechless). And like two seconds of Hugh Dillon made me do a double-take, lol. Incredibly weird knowing this was shot like half a year before HCL began shooting. Feels like it must've been a decade earlier.

Hard Core Logo (1996)

I could make three separate posts about this one, so of course I have no idea what to say.

This one, you should watch for CKR, actually, he's something, but so is every single other aspect of this film. I wouldn't change a thing about it. It hits you like a 16 wheeler. Perfectly cast, unimaginably beautiful, hysterical and melancholy and disgusting and compelling.

Related recs:

A wonderfully fun article/retrospective/interview for its 20th anniversary a while back.

You should also absolutely read Hard Core Roadshow if you enjoyed the film. It's a book documenting the whole thing from conception to release. It touched me for its own sake, not just a backstage glance, full of love for the craft and the people and carrying this tangible bittersweetness about the heightened and fleeting nature of this kind of work.

(here, I feel compelled to include a quote from another c6d-related interview on Slings & Arrows, which I read after the book and went like man, it's really a universal experience isn't it.

Coyne: <...> But I also think, and this is my experience, what we were all experiencing, because we were all talking about our lives, our life in the arts — there’s something very melancholy about doing something you love, because it will never be good enough, it will always break your heart.

McKinney: Or it will be fleeting.

Coyne: It’ll be fleeting. You come together with people you feel passionately connected to and two weeks later they’re tearing down the sets.)

Quotes from the article and the book respectively include:

McDonald: So there was a kind of mutual dependency society with Hugh telling Callum, “Don’t worry, man, I got your back, I’ll tell you how high or low to wear your guitar, I’ll tell you how you should dress, I’ll tell you what you should drink…” and Callum was like, “I’ll tell you what hitting your mark is, I’ll tell you why they pull out fucking tape measures, I’ll tell you why you have to do it again, I’ll tell you about not overlapping dialogue..” and you know they clung to each other, like the other one was gonna fucking save them.

And:

A final gathering at the back of the tour bus with Bruce, Callum, Hugh, Bernie. We listen to the tape of HCL songs, all the way through, one last time. And we belt the words out. Bernie sings loudest, performing for Salerno's camera. Hugh and Callum sit back, looks of sadness. I get the sense that if they could do it, they'd chuck their lives and be Joe Dick and Billy Tallent forever. Callum leans to Bruce and says exactly what everyone else is thinking: "I don't want it to end."

There's much more to both texts than *gestures* the whatever those two had, but it certainly doesn't hurt.

And Xeriscape is the best HCL fic I've read. Granted, I read very few because it's not a source that creates in me a craving for fic. But this one perfectly matches the film's fucked up beauty with its language while also adding a quieter, more fraught layer of humanity that we only get glimpses of in canon and that perfectly fits John. 10/10, would recommend.

Anyway. Watch it. Read it. If you haven't. Otherwise, come scream with meeee! And go reblog my gifs or something. Idk.

Letters From Home (1996)

Mike Hoolboom strikes again, with another short. This goes into the "don't watch it for CKR, watch it because it's great" box. Yes, you will cry.

For Those Who Hunt The Wounded Down (1996)

Another bleak one! It sucked to watch, I mean, on purpose. There were a couple of very effective scenes. I really enjoyed the opening. They say the book is decent too, I haven't checked that out.

Actually, let's just switch back from coherent thought to undignified staring at his mouth with this one. What the fuck is that cigarette thing. I couldn't help myself.

Last Night (1998)

These gifs are not representative of the whole movie. There is more happening than CKR kissing or hugging people. He's also doing more than just kissing and hugging. It's all very... impressive.

Guess who's also here again? Sandra Oh! And say hi to Don McKellar, who is an absolute champion for writing/directing/starring. You'll be seeing more of him.

Another one for the "watch it for its own sake" box. Seriously, that late 90s indie stuff is banger after banger. It's so beautiful! Look at those colours! Look at those shots! It's very uneasy and charming and melanchioly and itself in the best way.

Twitch City (1998 – 2000)

Don McKellar is back to murder you with discomfort! Bruce McDonald lends a hand. Molly Parker is also here. And Daniel McIvor, who'd go on to direct, for example, Wilby Wonderful. It's a party. If you watched some stuff from above (or below) on this list, most faces and names will be familiar to you, tbh (another Hugh Dillon double-take happens).

If you liked Spaced, you'll love this. You might also love it because it commits to its weirdness with an admirable resolve and is genuinely hilarious. (Honestly, CKR's outfits alone warrant a watch.) The idiosyncrasy is definitely Don McKellar's doing 200%. It couldn't be more different from Last Night, but if you've seen one, you'll recognise the other.

Battlestar Galactica (2003 – 2009)

I don't think a person should be allowed to look this pretty in the sweaty-and-dying makeup in that light (this sentence probably looks very weird to those not under the CKR magic spell).

I don't know what to say about BSG because I really, really enjoyed early it initially, but by the middle of S2 it got... well, whatever that was. If you know you know, if you don't, still give it a go. You might get invested enough to suffer through it all, as I have been, slowly.

The unfortunate thing is that CKR got to be there mostly in the "what the fuck" years and not the "wow that's so cool" years. That, as you might be aware, is a pattern with him. But! When he was here, he was so genuinely, wonderfully creepy not in the typecast-baddy way, but in this slow, half-absent way, which really worked. You can also see him tortured a little, as a treat!! <3

Also, a wild John Pyper-Ferguson appears! If you're looking at him thinking you know him from somewhere but not immediately remembering, you'll figure it out, I believe in you. I was very happy to see him.

Wilby Wonderful (2004)

Another win for the put CKR in more good shit team!!! Guess who's here again? Sandra Oh! Also, Paul Gross. Don't watch it for him either though haha.

Another one for whoever wants to look at pushing against the weight of others' (or your own) expectations and growing into who you are or reconsidering who you are or finding meaningful connections with others even when you're kind of a mess and they are too.

Not nearly the first time CKR's gotten to play a queer character, but man, this one really is the heart of the in-universe community, and, through that, of the film. A rare chance to see him so far out of the prickly persona! He's just so solid and calm and there for others in this one and, and soft, ough. It's awesome.

By the way, if any of you have the commentary track or know someone who has, please drop me a line here or on discord (emotionalrisotto), I really wanna hear that.

Supernatural (2005)

I love Supernatural a lot. It was a formative experiences (albeit a very late one) and I owe a lot of my favourite stuff about fandom-ing to the buddies I met through it. I can't believe I'm telling you this (because who hasn't seen it, not because I'm reccing it), but you should really try it if you haven't. It's pretty rad.

I had no idea who this guy was when I saw that episode (the second ever one!), though. I simply cannot fathom what @nigeltde-fic felt when she first saw it. I think I personally got very lucky she didn't combust on the spot. It would've been unfortunate.

On a sillier note, CKR's character has weird tension with both Sam and Dean in this episode, which is par for the course. I personally think they should've... no, I shan't say it. You can probably imagine.

Californication (2008 – 2013)

I haven't actually seen it, lol (and I suspect I won't enjoy it, but I'm very curious and also CKR looks really really good).

The real reason for this one on the list is to share a fic rec. Really, it's a due South F/K fic featuring Lew Ashby. It's ridiculously hot and very satisfying in its romantic resolution, too (but then, I'm kind of big on selfcest. And consensual voyeurism. And pretend relationships when done like this. And sublimated yearning. Erm.)

Shattered (2010 – 2011)

I wish this never happened. I badly, badly wish this never happened. I can't turn back time, but I can warn those luckier than me: do not go there. Yes, even for this dude. You'll sleep better not knowing just what it is he was the EP on. And the only important part — the mascara — can be seen above (yes, the show does look that bad, it's not just the gifs).

Just kidding — I watched it, didn't I? You'll have fun hating it! Just prepare for industrial grade cringe, lower your expectations (No, lower. No, still lower than that. And just a bit more.) and you'll have a great time!

Star trek: Discovery (2024)

Or, as I call it, Star Trek: The Mediocre Show. Discovery S5 was... what it was, but it was a wonderful viewing experience — mostly thanks to the gang (@kittkatk and @feroxargentea especially!)

What a joy it is, to follow a show week by week, yelling and laughing and discussing the whole time. And giffing, too. I was very happy to contribute to the Disco fandom from my own little obsessive corner, and I was glad to see people adoring Rayner, haha.

He's a pretty neat character — very much a stereotype, yes, but with CKR's usual twist of odd vulnerability and weirdness. Also, I loved the ears. I miss the ears. The ears were great.

I even wrote a fic! Although it's not within my usual range to write for canons and universes I don't know well — and back then, I'd only seen S5 of Disco. It was a lot of suffering, and a lot of fun.

Closing thoughts

I'd really love the dude to get a better agent. And possibly better taste, but I realise that's a tougher ask. Seriously, it's been too long since he was in something majorly cool. I'm grateful to him, at least, for not making terrible music on the side. And I still have a lot of his back catalogue to get through, some of it even good, so there will be more insanity. Until then!

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