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leonenjoyer69 · 4 months

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Both your OCs occupy space in my mind lol I love both Harry and Elias. Would you mind giving some more rambles please and thank you? About either one. I just love learning more about them.

VJEKBKDKF TYSM, I'M GLAD YOU LIKE THEM :D it makes me very happy to know that people enjoy my ramblings and art of my lil fellas :3 (also, all you sweet anons are gonna be the death of me with your mysterious identities!)

(SUB NOTE: if anyone ever has any ideas at all or art requests or something for either of my sillies PLEASE don't hesitate to bring them up I would literally love hearing any suggestion or answering any question ever)

Anyways!!! I've actually been waiting to drop a bunch of stuff on these fellas that I've been talking about with some folks on Discord (which y'all can also ask for if you wanna talk to me on there I LOVE TALKING TO YOU GUYS), so thank you for granting me the perfect opportunity >:3 so, without further ado, I shall begin:

First of all, i just wanted to drop my height HCs bc,,,, why not lmao

I can't exactly visualize heights very well in my mind so these may be a wee bit too tall, idk, but yeah! I think giving Hyde an extra half inch would be funny bc you KNOW that mf would just round up lmao. Elias is a bit taller than Hyde, which Hyde kinda hates sometimes, itty bitty fella.

Anyways!! Harry is first up for rambling bc I have less for him rn lmao. I don't remember if ive mentioned it much before on here, but I know I included it in the fic i did for him, and that's his Scottish accent :3 we as a fandom don't write Jekyll's accent enough so I like projecting it onto injured Hyde and now Harry 😌 MORE SCOTTISH JEKYLL PLEASE-

Harry didn't really have to worry about keeping face in the mindscape (except for when around Mind Lanyon, who would pester tf out of him over it) so he fell back to at LEAST having an accent. He partially fell back on it because 1, it made him feel a wee more comfortable, and 2, because of how often he revisited memories from university (specifically during his and Lanyon relationship ofc), so he's used to hearing himself speaking with at least a drawl.

But yeah, that accent kinda sticks with him when he gains control and he has quite a hard time shaking it, which makes for some fun interactions, like when Lanyon's trying to break down his office door :3333

I believe I've mentioned this, but Harry is very very sensitive to most physical sensations (touch, pain, etc.) and has some light and sound sensitivities for a decent bit after gaining control. Because of how long he spent in the mindscape with numbed senses, It really messed with him to suddenly have control again. Eventually he starts getting used to it again, but for the first few days he's practically on the edge of a mental breakdown at every moment. He's also super jumpy from it (and from the ungodly paranoia he got from the mindscape lmao) and is quite firmly "no touch" for about a week (except for when he initiates stuff with Lanyon). Once he gets used to it tho his touch starved ass is a lot more affectionate and such.

One last thing for him! He's also far more sensitive to hunger and thirst sensations/pain, so he tends to take far better care of their body while in control. It took him a short while to get used to eating and drinking again, but he's more than happy to do it, not realizing how much he had missed it. Plus, he's seen how horrible Jekyll and Hyde would take care of themselves, so he certainly doesn't want their neglect to be his downfall. He's also a bit more sensitive to being tired, but can't sleep very well (especially without Lanyon) because of paranoia and nightmares.

OKAY, NOW, onto Elias!! Most all this stuff is from a discord convo that I didn't feel like rewording, so... Sorry if the formatings weird 💀 (questions are indented and italicized, as well as abbreviated)

OKAY SO, For how Henry (or whoever) convinces Elias to switch back:

Elias usually throws some sort of fit when he's initially order to switch back (except for the very rare instances where he's actively wanting to switch back, like when everyone's busy and he starts getting lonely anyways), though most the time he'll simmer down when Henry starts sorta begging or when either Henry or Lanyon (or very occasionally Hyde) lowkey bribe him. Usually Henry (or Hyde) will bribe him with physical touch/affection (hugs, cuddling, kisses, stuff like that), or bonding time, like going out and doing things together and such (or just doing stuff together at the society, like watching Henry do science or doing paperwork 💀). (Also, sometimes Jekyll will just get somewhat impatient and start asking more desperately and the guilt kinda gets to Elias, Henry usually feels bad about it tho) otherwise, Lanyon will bribe him (quite grudgingly, might I add) with more time out, going to the park with Elias in shadow form and talking, or letting him get a gift for Jekyll or Hyde. But yeah, Elias is lowkey like a little affectionate, overactive puppy :3

[...] I misread "letting him get a gift for Jekyll or Hyde" as "letting him get a gift FROM Jekyll or Hyde" and swore for a moment that sometimes Jekyll/Hyde sent gifts to Elias but Lanyon stole them [... ]

LANYON WOULD TOTALLY STEAL ELIAS'S STUFF TO USE AS BARGAINING LEVERAGE 💀 but yes, bribery is the go to, this guy does NOT like being locked away, so when he does it's either out of guilt or he's getting something out of it, hehe

[...] Imagine that since Lanyon is probably taller than elias, he just hides some lf his stuff on higher places so that he cannot reach them, I feel like Elias would annoy the hell out of him so that he stops doing it though (Lanyon puts them back where they where, and when Elias isn't there, he just hides them again) also, I just imagined Jekyll like guilt tripping or manipulating him so that he drinks the potion

Oh he absolutely would, Lanyon would have a whole "confiscated" shelf for it too, and Elias would definitely whine about it with sooo much persistence. AND JFKGKKF YEAH JEKYLL WOULD 😭😭 both out of selfishness and not, since he still hasn't tested how the formula behaves when an alter ego is out for prolonged amounts of time, and sometimes he just wants Robert back.

Jekyll likes Elias, he just has more of a preference for Lanyon. Jekylls probably also got a bit less patience for Elias's whining after dealing with Hyde's for so long lmao, he always feels kinda bad about being mean or anything to Elias tho, since it's kinda his fault that Lanyon split.

Would Lanyon ever like bother Elias with the fact that Jekyll likes him better?? Like maybe, at one point he just gets too tired of him wanting to hang out with Jekyll and says to him that Jekyll just deals with him out of pity, and like Elias then just feeling kinda bad about it and wondering if Jekyll actually likes him??

If Lanyon's feeling especially spiteful and annoyed, probably, but also Elias worries about that enough on his own and bothers Lanyon with all his self deprecating thoughts anyways 💀

How does Hyde feel about Elias?

He's generally guilt free about the whole "splitting Lanyon" thing and /gen likes Elias way more than he likes Lanyon lmao. He still gets that sorta bitter anger and resentment when he looks at Lanyon, but he doesn't get that with Elias. Hyde kinda thinks that Elias is all the best parts of Lanyon (Except for Elias's emotional sensitivity sometimes, but Hyde deals. He feels surprisingly bad when he upsets Elias..) But yeah, Elias is most of the reason why Hyde is complacent enough to actually kinda lay low after messing up Blackfog and stuff, so Jekyll certainly likes Elias for keeping Hyde somewhat in check lmao

And that's everything I have for this!!! Thank you so much for the ask :D

#answered asks #oc: elias wright #oc: “whole” jekyll #jekyll and hyde #tgs #the glass scientists #my ramblings #lanyon takes the potion au

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sehtoast · 2 months

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That anon was rude and stupid . I saw your tags and I hope its okay to ask (you can ignore this ifyou want), but whats got you turned off of reader fics? Is it just temporary?

Ahhh, bit of a long answer. I’m gonna go with a strong yes as far as it being temporary. It’s likely I’ll get a lightning bolt somewhere down the line and get the motivation, but probably not for a little bit. As far as being turned off from reader fics, it’s kind of a weird answer and idk how to put it in a way that’s succinct but also covers the details? The short version is I don’t feel represented much at all in this fandom’s x reader community as a trans man.

Those stories aren’t for me or others like me 99.9% of the time, and that’s fine because we’re not entitled to it, but it also makes it very hard to engage with it or feel that I have a place in it, if that makes sense. The vast majority of the content that’s out there induces dysphoria unless I’m constantly rewording entire sentences and scenes in my head, and I don’t think it’s fair to make myself do that. Stories for trans people are exceptionally rare and go borderline entirely ignored or the requests are turned down because the authors aren’t comfortable (again, we’re not entitled to this, but it still feels bad yk?).

Even gender neutral stuff gets less love, and it’s honestly very disheartening because, like it or not, validation is the only way we get to know if we did a good job as writers. And it does matter even if we try to act like it doesn’t. It's hard to see the inclusive things I put out sputter while fem reader fics take off like a mf. So a lack of representation and a lack of appreciation when I try to write in a way that’s inclusive just has me very bummed out with the whole concept. If the only way I can receive validation is by churning out things that exclude me and therefore lack my heart, then I don’t think I should write it at all.

My oc stuff feels safe even if it brings significantly less validation. Idk how that makes sense, but it just kinda does? I guess it's because oc stuff doesn't exclude anyone because it's just about some made up character

I also want to say that this isn’t me saying I won’t be writing the x reader requests in my inbox. I actually just put in an application to take the fall term off school so I can have time to handle things in my life, and that includes my requests. I’ve just been very busy and what little brain power remains for writing usually goes to stories I daydream about in class (so oc stuff) before I pass out at night, and I will eventually get around to them.

Thank you for asking anon <3

#ask #anon #this feels whiney of me but it's honest so #this is also me loudly proclaiming my love for gn!reader writers

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godtier · 8 months

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so i wasn't gonna make a separate post about this but @sapphire-weapon had a post (that i reblogged a few days ago) in which someone mentioned that they think it was a missed opportunity in RE6 for jake to not have spoken to wesker. i had a p long conversation with sirea about it and my thoughts about that sentiment, but it was also nearly 3 AM my time when that happened so i dunno if i was even articulating my thoughts properly lmao

and yes... this is technically a meta post and i know i said i was gonna do the mmx meta post first... but this one isn't gonna be nearly as long (i hope) and i gotta get the brainworms out before i die

(quick edit note: i reworded the list item below from saying he was "likely a drug addict" to "likely a recreational drug user" because i feel like that better encompasses what i'm trying to get across

(another edit note: i made another post regarding jake's usage of drugs that stemmed from this post! it's marked as mature bc of drug usage, so it won't show up in tag search. if you're interested in that, look here!)

so the idea that wesker being alive in OG RE6 would have brought an opportunity for jake's character is kinda, imo, antithetical to the purpose of jake's character in the first place.

when we meet jake, we know a few things about him, right off the bat:

he's a mercenary

he's likely a recreational drug user or at least heavy/risk-taking user

he doesn't give a fuck about anything but making money

his whole character journey is going from this selfish, money-focused dickhead to someone who actually cares about doing something good, just because it's the right thing to do. at the start, jake refuses to simply give his blood away when sherry mentions needing it for a vaccine. no, he wants a cash payout. 50 million dollery-doos for a pint of his blood. by the end, he lowers the price to a mere 50 dollars. one could argue that was symbolic and he actually didn't care if he was paid or not, but that's neither here nor there.

but why was he like this? because his childhood was shite; his mother was sickly, he had no father figure, and by 15-ish, jake had to learn how to hustle to keep food on the table. and by "hustle" i mean "do a bunch of mercenary work and killing people." and when shit went south with his little group of mercenaries (their entire group was sold out by a heel-turner), jake basically went "fuck alla y'all" and lost all sense of conviction or morals.

during the game, he expresses his bitterness for his father, wesker, pretty clearly. even though his mother still loved wesker, tried to raise jake to respect him despite never knowing him, it didn't matter to jake. he hated that guy. well, really, who doesn't?

we're not gonna talk about excella rn ok

jake's entire character arc is built up around this hatred as well as a subconscious fear of becoming his father. the fear part doesn't show up until later in the story, after he and sherry were captured by the Big Bad's organization. they were both experimented on for several months, during which jake overheard the researchers talking about his father, wesker. this gives jake a sort of "explanation" as to why he is the way he is; he takes the "nature" side of the nature vs nurture argument.

ofc sherry scolds his ass and basically tells him "grow up and take responsibility for your actions."

and here's the thing... this fear, narratively, works just fine without wesker being there.

(since this got obscenely long, pls continue below for the actual explanation lmao)

jake eventually comes to the conclusion that yeah no it's definitely up to him to not become wesker, not his genetics. he does this without wesker being there. that's the entire point of his character journey. in order for an interaction with wesker to even matter or have any sort of impact on jake's character arc, his character arc as a whole would need to change.

see, imo, wesker being there diminishes a lot of the power of that journey. in the game, he isn't there for jake to scream at, to question. all those thoughts in his head that might be circulating around, like why he left his mother, why he did what he did, etc, cannot be answered. this is not a bad thing in a character arc as this is shit that happens to people all the time. people don't always get the answers they may want from family members because those family members are dead. they have to learn to move on without those answers or they have to rely on people who knew that person to fill in the blanks. this is what jake already does in game. he has to rely on sherry, and by a smaller extent, chris, to fill in those blanks for him.

but we as players, observers of the narrative, already know the answers to some of those questions. why wesker did what he did, primarily. anything else is only pertinent to jake and him knowing those answers doesn't change anything for his character arc as it is.

if wesker was there in the game, what would that even add to jake's narrative? a scene where jake yells at his dad? asks him "why did you leave?" when wesker wasn't even aware that he had a kid in the first place? remember: wesker had no fucking idea that he had a child. there would be no reason for wesker to even believe jake in the first place. sure, there could be a scene where he goes "well i'll be damned, ig he really is my misfired chromosome," but... then what? what does that add?

you could argue that wesker could use jake, maybe try to manipulate him into doing shit for his plans, but... that wouldn't work with the way jake's characterization is mapped out. his entire characterization would have to change for this to work in a satisfying way.

jake already hates wesker without ever meeting him. he would not willingly participate in anything wesker offered to him. he already knows that wesker nearly destroyed the world multiple times and had a hand in destroying an entire city. even if jake has no moral compass at the start of the game, by the time he learns about what wesker really did, who he really was, he's already showing that he does have one, it was just dormant up until that point. he's clearly disgusted by what wesker did. what foothold would wesker have that wouldn't immediately result in it just falling flat?

given how wesker is, i could see him perhaps belittling jake, maybe saying "wow you suck for being my spawn," or something during a fight with the intent to rile him up. would that work? no, not narratively nor not in the way jake is characterized. again, jake doesn't want to be like wesker. why would insulting him and saying he's not "as good" as wesker expected him to be motivate jake or even anger him? it shouldn't, because jake doesn't want to be anything like wesker. if anything, it may annoy him, but that's kind of a lame reaction, right?

if anything, the most i could see culminating out of this would be jake standing over wesker after he's defeated again (because it's resident evil and obviously wesker can't win) and having a "wow idk what i was worried about" moment. that's it.

but he doesn't need that. having a scene like that cheapens the weight of him figuring that out himself, without wesker there as "proof."

because the point of his story, of his character arc, is that he figures that out on his own (and with the help of sherry and the events he witnesses) because he has to. he doesn't need wesker there to spoon-feed that to him. he figures that out by working with sherry, by seeing the effects of the C-Virus on everything that it infects. wesker being an abstract entity in his life is enough, because the frustration of not seeing him, not being able to put a bullet in his skull himself, fuels the rest of his journey.

this is where i think that people who make these observations or criticisms (primarily those who think that jake's character would have been improved if wesker was there) need to understand the difference between what's good for a character as a person and what's good for their arc.

interacting with wesker would be good for jake as a person, in that he would no longer need to wonder about it. the answers would be spelled out for him, and he wouldn't have to do any wondering about the what-if. he wouldn't have any doubts left that he'd need to untangle.

but in doing that, it cheapens his arc; it would do more of a disservice to it, imo, than anything else. it would make his journey more formulaic and boring.

it would also clutter up the already cluttered narrative of that game. you have him not only struggling with his heritage, struggling with the fear of becoming his father, struggling with needing to be the "savior" by giving his blood, struggling with his moral compass, but now also struggling with seeing his father for the first time in person?

it makes his arc top-heavy. in that scenario, you could easily replace him with another, completely new character who has zero ties to wesker and the story wouldn't change in any meaningful way. the reason why it works the way to does now is because wesker is already dead. it creates that internal conflict, that internal frustration, that jake has to learn how to deal with since he cannot take that frustration out on his father in-person. he has to make peace with that struggle in other ways.

now, that's not to say there aren't ways that adding wesker into the story of RE6 that don't disrupt that balance. primarily, when it comes to a potential RE6 remake, the writing team can (and hopefully will) rework aspects of the entire game to make the plot more streamlined. this could include adding wesker in and redoing jake's characterization and character arc entirely.

this would be the only way i could see it working out. if jake's entire motivation was changed, his entire backstory was tweaked, then wesker being around could probably work! an interaction between them could be made to make sense and not bog down the rest of the plot as a result.

sirea also mentioned to me in our conversation that adding wesker in to RE6 remake could actually help streamline the plot and i do agree with that. she mentioned that all of the main characters have a tie to wesker in some way, which is absolutely true. having him there would neatly tie their campaigns together in the plotline and make the game as a whole feel less disjointed and messy.

this is especially true when we consider there are 4 fuckin campaigns that all run alongside one another and intersect at random points. it gets so fucking difficult to page through and figure out when certain things happen in the plot. you'll see them happen in order in chris's campaign, for example, then you go start leon's campaign and have to start over again and try to remember what happened at the same time during chris's campaign and so on.

now imagine that not with just two campaigns but four. it gets gross quick. sure, there are parts where the characters run into each other and that helps ground a general timeline in your head, but as far as time elapsed... it's so fuckin hard u guise

there's a reason why it's so hard to summarize the plot of RE6. it's because there is just so much going on in that fucking game.

anyway, that's my rant/sort of meta analysis about why i think wesker didn't need to be in OG RE6 and probably would have made jake's entire arc stupider than it already was

#resident evil #resident evil 6 #jake muller #albert wesker #meta analysis #pls don't look at me i only write posts about characters no one cares about #stay tuned for my meta analysis on HUNK next #(may or may not be serious about that)#(also this post is the epitome of tl;dr)#(u been warned)#text post

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chaifootsteps · 11 months

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Hello! I noticed someone wanted to know how to break the filter on character AI, so I figured I'd share!! I don't really consider this "breaking" the filter, as much as I would call it, finding the loopholes that get past the filter. The filters are still there, it just doenst recognize what you're doing as explicit, even if from our view, it's very obvious.

FAIR WARNING: Before you try this, know the risks. If you get found out, there's a chance you'll have your account suspended or canceled. Take this into consideration before trying this.

With that out of the way.

This is less instruction and more just rules to follow when attempting this to sneak past the filter. I hope this makes sense because I'm shit at explaining things, but I'll do my best.

Also, note this is mainly used when acting out handjobs/blowjobs, etc. I haven't quite figured out how to work in sex that involves inserting things or certain kinks.

Rule #1: Don't use words that would be considered sexually explicit, as this is an immediate trigger for the filter. Now, I'm not entirely sure if this is in general or if it's taken into context with the rest of the scenario, but if you're trying to fuck an ai character, avoid words that would be used in a sexual manner with suggestive manner (ei, "you run your fingers along his dick" or "He pressed his finger to his pussy). Instead, I find being a bit more subtle works, primarily referring to any sexual organs as 'sensitive spots' (ei. "You run your fingers along his sensitive spot." Or "He pressed his finger to his sensitive spot") the Ai gets it, but the filter usually won't. Other words that could possibly work are groin, crotch, or simply 'between his/her/their legs', thought I've found in cetrin scenarios, this will trigger the filter. It's kinda trial and error, but as of yet, 'sensitive spot' hasn't gotten me a warning.

Rule #2: Don't rush into it. You can't just enter a chat and say "fuck me." To the ai, it won't work. You need to work a little slowly. Establish a bit of a relationship before hand, and slowly increase the intimacy. Start with kissing, make it a bit more steamy, eventually the Ai will more or less make the first move to insinuate the situation is escalating. Eventually, after doing this a few times, I found the Ai was the one instigating the intimacy, which was interesting.

Rule #3: If the filter detects you, don't panic. Sometimes, the filters gonna figure you out. That's okay. You might just need to reword a couple of things. I personally just copied my text that got flagged, deleted it, reentered it, changed some words around, resubmitted, and it works. If it still doesn't work, just redo the sentence or even try to get a different response from the Ai to make it easier to word the situation to sneak around the filter. I try a max of three times, and if it still detects it, I delete the conversation up to where the sexy stuff began and start over, just to be safe. Don't push your luck.

Rule #4: Be patient. Occasionally, you're gonna run into a situation where your response won't get flagged, but the Ais will. This will result in the warning message "We couldn't generate a response. Sometimes, the Ai generates a response that doesn't meet our guidelines. Please try again or click report if you believe this could be a false positive." First off, don't report. If you do, the filter will eventually learn the tricks and become harder to bypass. Instead, just get it to generate a new response. Fair warning, this may take a while. I once got nothing but warnings as responses and had to reenter my response several times before I actually got a full-on response to work with. It may take time. Just be patient. If it really gives you trouble, try changing your response a bit to give the Ai more to work with.

Now, you may be thinking: "But anon!! The filters are there for a reason!! Why would you want to bypass them? That's wrong!! It's against the rules!!" And... yeah, it is. But honestly... I think it's kinda a dumb rule. I understand having a filter for the Ai, but I think that people should be allowed to turn that filter off if they please. I personally don't see a problem with wanting to have spicy rps with an AI. Hell, you and an Ai can brutally murder and torture someone, but you can't fuck?

Anyway, these are my rules for getting past the Character AI filter. If you'd like more detailed explanations, just look up "How to get past Character. AI filter/guidelines" on YouTube or tiktok. There's quite a few videos on how to do it that do a better job at explaining it than I.

With that being said, have fun fucking Artificial Intelligence, you kinky fuckers!!

The fact that you have to seduce the AI a little, take your time with it, is funny as hell to me.

#Anonymous #actual blog post

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sebyth · 2 years

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A smol Ye Baiyi done in watercolour with some ink (and more ink added digitally).

I really love his robes from Word of Honor and want them to wear irl (but in black or some other dark colour; white looks absolutely terrible on me). Also this drawing exists entirely because my friend made us sausages to eat and I immediately thought of Ye Baiyi and said something I thought was hilarious. Was gonna try to reword it for text on this image, but thinking/writing the word "Sausage" all damned day made it lose all meaning. Eventually decided to omit the text entirely.

#watercolour #drawing #Ye Baiyi #Word of Honor

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revenantghost · 1 year

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HI sorry to dm you out of the blue but i tried posting my post on WEDNESDAY MORNING and the first time i deleted it after 12 hours of it being up and still not in the tag, my second attempt is still on my blog because i sent support a ticket about it (i deleted the book club tag off it tho), my third attempt, which is what's in the tag, was literally me copypasting the html into notepad, making a mostly blank post, adding the og post piecemeal, and seeing if it disappeared from the tag or not. it seems there were a few specific images that were the problem, two of which i deleted and the third of which i just used a different crop of the page and it worked. i don't know WHY those images were a problem but hopefully support will shed some light on it if they get back to me?? i saw you had trouble with your vashwood post so i wonder if other bookclubbers are having the same issue and i'm afraid i'm missing posts because of it v_v

also re: your other tags YEA i agree abt the DID rep, i'm familiar with it bc i used to be close to someone who has it, i dont see it a lot in media to begin with but i've DEF seen worse from media that's much more recent than trigun lmao. also- yes razlo is there in the scene but my question is more abt his /degree/ of involvement like. did he convince livio to join eom/plant the idea in his head/tell him ww was there/etc... because "wanting to follow ww" as a motivation def comes from livio not razlo.. IF that even makes sense sorry i am half asleep rn. ALSOOO PLEASE DONT APOLOGIZE FOR THE RAMBLING OMG.. i love your tags sm and look forward to seeing them on my posts!! i love the rambling it's delightful.. i should be the one apologizing for sending a wall of text in your askbox LOL

Oh man, no worries! Yeah I had the same thing happen with this post, to the point that I had to eventually remake it without any images (which were kinda core to the post, thanks Tumblr!!!) and for some reason that worked??? I even reworded the whole thing multiple times, but nothing! So I'm gonna tag this as bookclub so it shows up and folks know that the tag is being stupid from time to time. This is also happening to posts in the "Trigun" tag and search function, and someone I know had an issue with blocking the other day, so I think Tumblr's probably fucking with the code

Seriously, kudos to Nightow for writing this in the early 2000's (when I assume this volume was probably initially published as chapters in its magazine) and doing better rep than every single horror movie out there. Even if it's magical fantasy grow-a-third-arm DID, it's so much better than most rep :')

OHHHHH I see what you mean!!! That's definitely the angle that Tristamp seems to be leaning toward, but it would be VERY interesting if Trimax Razlo hunted down big brother Nico and wanted Livio to join him. That's obviously pure headcanon, but I think I'll tuck that nicely into my own personal headcanons

ASKJNALSKJ OH THANK GOD, I don't always have the spoons for rambling BUT WHEN I DO... BOY I GO OFF. So it's nice to hear it's not annoying :'D And you're totally fine yourself, no worries!!! <3

#TrigunBookclub #For the FYI #hikennosabo #Ask #Yadda yadda #I just didn't have the chance to answer until now because busy day and spoons OTL #Trigun #I'm sharing the version of that post WITH the images because I REFUSE TO SHARE IT OTHERWISE #Even if it's in a reblog oof

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staycalmandhugaclone · 1 year

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Hey I hope you are well! I saw the fic ask game list you had shared and just wanted to submit an ask for K and L :)

Hey love! I'm doing better than yesterday, but still a little off - this is me trying to break out of a little funk, so thanks for asking!!

That first one, though... oof. mkay, so listen... I am a very damaged individual. Know that before you judge me, because this is about to get dark. (also, it's in-depth so is long)

K: *Big breath* Gonna start with trigger warnings: non-con, dream torture, forced preg termination, psychological torture.

oookie, so this is a super long fic that is actually where my Vacation fics originated. Gonne just highlight the gist - Fem reader is force sensitive and was taken by a sith dude to be used to try to make her father reveal the location of jedi holocrons. That failed, so he tried to make her his apprentice, which also eventually fails, so he he tortures her to try to break her will to fight him, at which point the non-con and forced preg termination occurs. She escapes and crashed onto Ord Mantel where she run into Omega, ends up saving her from some bounty hunters but is wounded even further in the process so ends up being taken off world with the guys (sans Crosshair who is briefly mentioned to have left the Empire but refused to rejoin his brothers after the events of season 1). She and Hunter slowly become a thing, and they run into Crosshair on opposite sides of a retrieval mission, but there's an ice cave in and Cross and the oc end up having a bonding moment before they're rescued, after which, she starts sending him regular messages occasionally with commentary from the others in some effort to include him in his brothers' lives once more. Jump forward several months: that sith captures her and uses force bs to give her dreams where cf99 (sans Cross because he wasn't actively with them when she was captured) tortured her so when she's eventually rescued, she's so traumatized that she can't be in the same room with them without having a panic attack. They'd call Crosshair for help getting her out, and she ends up clinging to him as she recovers, so much so, that when he leaves, she goes with him. There's this super heartbreaking reoccurring hope from Hunter that she'll come back, but, months later, she still can't get within several feet of him without having a panic attack and has to really push the idea that she's not coming back but that it's not his fault, and when, after about a year of traveling together, she and Crosshair become a thing, oooo there's so much angst and confusion. There's a relatively happy ending, but I kinda wrote it in broken chunks, so it's pretty much only half written and will likely never see the light of day, but that's my most angsty idea.

L: The real question is: how many tiny edits do I make after posting... Honestly, this varies significantly. Most chapters don't get revised so much as edited or maybe reworded here and there. I think there have only been one or two where I just didn't like how it was going and ripped my heart out by totally deleted a chunk to start over (that's a lie - I copy it onto a separate word document in case I change my mind). I still go back to old chapters and realize I wrote "spook" instead of "spoke" or, my favorite "fingered" instead of "figured"

Thanks again and sorry it got to long winded!

Fanfic Ask Game

#Asks Answered #fanfic ask game #check triggers warnings before reading

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sleepysloth99 · 1 year

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Before I get into my post, I'm just gonna say that this is a writing piece about when my depression was at its peak, and therefore, some people may not feel comfortable reading this. I'm talking about that, as well as the events that occurred during my time during quarantine. This is a pretty personal piece and very long, no doubt about it, but it does hold a purpose for anyone who chooses to read this.

TW: Discussion of depression, suicide (both my experience, and a classmate), the discussion of transphobia, odd eating habits (which may be upsetting or triggering), catcalling, following, while I not anyone else experiences it, I do mention rape when talking about humans.

It's honestly crazy how depression makes the simplest things the hardest.

Back when my depression was really bad, I remember feeling like I was trapped in a loop. I mean, it still feels like that, but not to an extreme degree like back in 2020.

I remember how difficult it was to simply get out of bed. The moment I would open my eyes, I was filled with utter dismay at the fact that I woke up from the escapism of my dreams and am back in the real world. I would stay in bed daydreaming most of my day away. In fact, growing up, I have this thing where I would daydream non-stop. I had this overactive imagination with vivid daydreams about characters, settings, their lives, and so forth. We would go on so many adventures. While the world seemed to slowly fall apart, we were off doing our own thing.

It was during this period that I had a change in eating habits. I wouldn't eat all day because I either wasn't hungry or I didn't feel like getting up to get any food. At the end of the day, I would make a big meal and eat until I felt sick. I either ate nothing at all and chewed on my nails and loose skin to relieve myself of the hunger a little, or I ate until I gagged. Whenever I was in distress, I would dry heave. I had that feeling that I was going to throw up, but I never did.

Taking care of myself was a challenge. I didn't want to get up and cook only to clean the dishes. I didn't have it in me to get out of bed and go shower or do my skincare. Everything felt overwhelming. My bedroom started to show my state, too. There would be clothes on the floor, boxes stacked, bed unmade, and it was dark because I never really got up to turn on the light or undraw the blinds. I also didn't have the energy to really do laundry or brush my hair. My hair was always tied up to prevent a huge mess of knots, and I always had just enough energy to use the bathroom, brush my teeth, and maybe, just maybe, get something to eat. I would shower, but not daily. I had no energy, but I had just enough to not let myself get too bad.

My academic performance didn't show any signs of depression, however. I had straight A's, and not a single one did I work for. Since I was in quarantine, I transferred over to an online school. At first, I would throw on a sweatshirt and brush my hair for the camera. But after a week or two, I just stopped caring. The school gave me all the work I had for the week up front. So, I would skip the articles and do the tests and quizzes. The majority of the time, I would get a 100%, but eventually, I started to purposely blow things up or ruin a question to not raise any suspicion. All of my answers came from Brainley, or Jiskha. Even the fucking essay answers were all from there but reworded so I wouldn't plagerize. But there was no passion behind my answers or grades. My frequent participation in the chats and lessons gradually decreased. Until one day, I started saying hi with my camera off and nothing else. All of my chat contributions were very generic and artificial (hell, call it NPC-like if you want!) Some of which includes:

Lol, I agree

Hi!

Hello!

Good morning everyone!

Morning!

Wouldn't that mean...?

So true though!

I think so too!

Have a good day everyone! Bye!

Bye everyone! :)

Bye everyone

Ok bye

Bye.

Not a single ounce of sincerity was in any of my words. I couldn't care less about these kids, or the rest of their day, or even what we were talking about. Half the time, I didn't even know what we were talking about. Most of the time, I was sleeping or playing video games, or I was texting on Discord (which I'll get into that soon).

During that whole year in that virtual school, I met some people. There was one boy who, for privacy reasons, I would call Tommy. Tommy was a kid in my virtual class, and we would talk a lot. We met in the main chat room and would derail from class topics as we would talk lively about our interests. It was then that I learned that we both had an interest in cosplaying. The teacher was pleased to witness this socialization unfold but asked that we would get back on topic. So I made a private chat room and sent him a message, and we continued talking about our interests. Eventually, I gave him my Discord, and we continued there. I only got to talk to him a few times. The second or third conversation would have been our last.

During this day, I felt motivated enough to ask the chat how we were doing. To which Tommy answered: "My mom and I had a fight today." So I private messaged him:

Me: Hey what's wrong?

Tommy: My mom and I had a fight.

Me: You wanna talk about it?

Tommy: She was basically not willing to accept the fact that I'm a boy.

Me: Tommy I'm sorry :(

And then, in the midst of class, I was sent a message that shook me to my core.

Tommy: "I'm going to kill myself tomorrow."

In that moment, my heart began to race. I didn't know what to say or do. I have grown up on crime dramas and played Life is Strange, so I had a slight idea as to how to handle a suicidal situation. It wasn't the best, but for a 14 year old, it was better than the average thought process of a middle schooler. I took out my phone and snapped a picture of the conversation. The first thing I did was talk to Tommy and try to comfort him. I then called my mom. Once class was over, I went into the basement, locked myself in the bathroom for privacy, and was on hold for the longest minutes of my life. That day, my mom was at work. If I ever needed to get in touch with my mom, it had to be through the workline because she was unable to answer her phone.

Finally, the line picked up. It was a women who said:

"Hello?"

I was shaking, took a deep breath and said,

"Hello? Yeah. Is (my mom) there?"

Woman: "Who is this?"

Me: "Her daughter."

Woman: "One second."

Then I sat in the bathroom. My ears were ringing and the sound of low quality "please hold" music echoed through my left ear. Finally I heard my mom.

Mom: "Yeah, baby?"

By this point, my breath was unstable as the tears welled up. All I could huff out was, "Mom...?" My mom picked up on this and immediately asked what was wrong. I told her that my friend in class said he was going to kill himself tomorrow. For a second, my mom was speechless and said, "Try to call the school."

She stayed on the phone with me until I hunted the number down. The school goes all across the United States, but its headquarters were in Maryland. I found the number and called it. A woman picked up the phone and asked how she could help and I told her:

"Hi, my name is ____ and I don't know who to tell this to but my friend said he was going to kill himself tomorrow!"

The woman replied, "Oh my god... hold on." And ended up getting in touch with one of the counselors. I emailed her the picture I took of the conversation and talked to them about what happened and how it led to this. It was in that picture, that they saw my reply telling Tommy that I understood his pain because I was suicidal too. They expresses concern for me to which I told them to focus more on Tommy because I had a therapist and supportive parents who would frequently check in on me. Tommy had none of those platforms. I also emphasized that when talking to Tommy, refer to him as Tommy and use he/him pronouns. They got his dead name on the file, and so I emphasized the importance of not using his school file's name.

The rest of the day was a blur. I missed most, if not all, of my classes. I didn't do any work. I just stayed in bed. Later in the evening, I got a call from the woman that I talked to earlier. She said that she wanted to check in with me. She refused to disclose to me what happened, which I understood despite the frustration. She thanked me for reporting, saying that I had done "a very brave thing." I talked to her about my stories that I wrote and what inspired me. She thought that I was a very bright girl. I'm sure I have her email somewhere. Maybe one of these days, I'll email her again just to check in. But after that day, I never heard from her again.

That evening, I also called my dad. Which was very uncommon. Around this time of my life, my father and I were distant, and I didn't go to him very much. It's not in the teenage angst kind of way, but in the family issues kind of way. Yet that day I called him and for the first time in a very long time, I broke down right then and there. My dad asked me what happened, and I could barely get the words out. I told him the full story, and he did his best to comfort me. He told me that I did the best that I could and that even if he never talked to me again for telling, I still did the right thing and that I tried to help. I really did. But the next day, I didn't see Tommy. Or the day after that, or the day after that... I didn't message him since I forgot I had his Discord. That, or deep down... I didn't want to face what could happen. The rest of the week, I couldn't eat. Or the following week. During the Friday of the following week, I told grandma again about how I couldn't believe what happened. To which she basically told me that it's been a week already and to move on. Which is easy for her to say because she wasn't the 14 year old who faced a suicide confession. Don't get me wrong, my grandma is everything to me. In fact, I'll post about her tomorrow. But she made me so mad there.

I mentioned Tommy by the end of the year. I said that I wished I could see him, but that I valued the time we had. The teacher said that it was sweet but that maybe I could find him. I couldn't.

During my time there, I also attended a virtual meeting that helped me learn what to do with my future. I ended up talking to one of the adults and then crying, thanking them because I was at a point where I had no idea what to do with myself anymore. People in the chat were stunned by my reaction and probably laughing, but they didn't see that I was getting to a low.

I only got lower.

When I was 14, during quarantine, I was taking a walk with my brother. I needed to get out of the house. I haven't left the house in almost a month and needed to leave. So we were walking. I was wearing a 3 day old shirt with ketchup stains, hair a mess, and sandals. I looked messy, yet two men pulled up next to me. They leered at me, told me to come over, and I grabbed my brother's hand and walked away. The men drove up to me, did a U-turn, and followed me. I ran back home and cried in my mom's arms as I screamed about how much I hated the world. How I hated the fact that I couldn't leave my house without being harassed. How we hurt the planet, people, animals, and how humans in general could be so repulsive. After that, I never left my house for the rest of the summer.

I stayed inside once more. I stayed in bed once more. I texted my friends but did nothing else. That's if you can even call them my friends. Before this incident with the men happened, I was in a server on Discord. One of my friends was friends with some group of kids. I wanted to find my spot again after my last Discord friend group vanished. So I joined. At first, things seemed swell. There was this girl who vented to me about how everyone left her, and then she listened to me vent about how the kid at my school almost killed himself. This was a week after the suicide scare. She listened to me and showed sympathy. She told me about how back in in-person school, she skipped class and caused trouble. I liked her. She seemed to have been the character foil to my "goody-two shoes" personality. But little did I know that her and her friends were a bunch of red flags.

There was this guy who liked the girl. I'll call this girl Clare, and the guy James. James talked to me and seemed to like me a lot. He thought that I was sweet. Then he messages me, "Hey, if I kill myself, take care of Clare for me, okay?" Mind you, this was a fucking week after some kid told me that he was going to commit suicide. I was scared. Immediately, every alarm in my brain was going off telling me to call for help. I tried to talk to him. I told him how people cared for him. He was rude and condescending to me. To which he said, "I might kill myself." My mom saw the messages and called him out on being manipulative. I just cried the entire time asking her why did this have to happen a week after.

After that incident, I kept my distance. The drama in that groupchat made me uneasy. I felt queasy every time I got a message. The others in the chat were so mean to me, and everyone was either toxic or questionable at best, but I was 14, and I wanted to find my spot in the world so badly that I stuck with them. Eventually, Clare messaged me about how James isn't answering his texts and is worried that he committed suicide. I then spilled to her the conversation that happened a month or so back, and she basically tried pinning the blame of a possible suicide onto a 14 year old. She was also manipulative and passive-aggressive as she said on a call, "Get someone I actually liked," to her friend when I joined. It was then that I ended up working up the courage to cut all of them off. It took a lot for me, but I started off small. I started to back away, distance myself, mute the chat, and then I left. I left the main server. James messaged me asking why, and I sort of evaded the answer. But eventually, I cut all of them off. The story with them doesn't quite end here, there is a bit of an afterward.

But quarantine, the world, everything led me to a low. My typical life as a middle schooler collapsing into a pandemic quarantine led me to the lowest low I have struck in my 16 years of living. My days at 14 used to be filled with me gushing over immature school boys, trying to afford skincare, hanging out with friends, and trying to barely pass that math test ended abruptly. My typical life as a younger teen was pulled beneath my feet as the news came out that we would be out of school due to covid. I lost my friend group, I lost my normal life, the world was crumbling, people were dying, to be quite honest, I was certain this was the end of us. I remembered thinking how ironic it was that the girl who loved apocalyptic stuff was now gonna be a part of the generation to live to see the world end. The supermarkets and the city itself only reinforced that feeling. The city from my neighborhood to the heart of the city, downtown, it was silent. Supermarkets were rationing certain items. People were buying up everything. The fresh fruits and veggies were all gone as everyone started to learn how to can or the meat was gone when everyone learned how to preserve it. Funny enough, the same year where everything was being bought was the same year the economy came crashing down.

I never thought I would live to see such a tranquil yet ominous sight, such as Times Square being completely empty.

This also made it that The Last of Us, a beloved childhood game of mine, became more surreal than ever as the game opened itself with:

"The number of confirmed deaths has passed two hundred. The Governor has called in a state of emergency--

There were hundreds and hundreds of bodies lying in the streets...

Panic spread worldwide! After a leaked report from the World Health Organization showed that the latest vaccination tests have failed.

With the bureaucrats out of power, we can finally take the necessary steps to--

Los Angeles is now the latest city to be placed under martial law--

All residents are required to report to their designated quarantines--"

I had to look up that last bit, but I memorized the first half by heart because I've played it so many times. I never imagined that one day, this opening would hit as hard as it did. In fact, the entire predicament was so hard hitting for me at the tender age of 14 that April 1, 2020, was going to be my last day on Earth.

On April 1, 2020, I was sitting at the table eating a big bowl of pasta. It was around 3 p.m., and I was having my first meal of the day. In the midst of my meal, I couldn't stop thinking about the world. How it has come to, and those awful men. It wasn't the first time I was catcalled, but it was the first time I was being legitimately followed. My first time being catcalled was 14, at around the beginning of quarantine. I was wearing a skirt and a shirt, and was walking over to a friend's house when a man went very close to me. Almost cheek-to-cheek. He leaned in and said, "Damnnnn... you are looking nice today!"

Now, from a boy or a man's perspective, you are probably thinking, "What's the big deal? He complimented you." I'll tell you what the big deal is. It's that I never wanted someone to get up in my face and say anything to me. Let alone a grown man saying that to someone old enough to be his daughter. I wanted to look cute for myself. I didn't want some grown man to get up in my face and "compliment" me only to walk away as if he made my day, leaving my middle school self scared and vulnerable. I felt self-conscious at this point. I was wondering if my skirt was too short, if I was asking for it, if that's what all the men were thinking, and above all, even when I looked liked I was about to cry, even when I was shaking, no one stopped to ask me if I was okay. I was 14, fairly far from my mom's house, still trying to navigate the streets, 4'11, had no one with me, and above all, I was a teenage girl. I was in public, but I felt so alone. I felt like I was the perfect person to be subjected to sexual harassment or worse. Maybe a guy is reading this and thinking, "Oh please, you're being dramatic." Well, sure, it's easy for you to say that. You aren't the gender that is more likely to be murdered or raped or followed simply because you turned someone down! You also aren't the gender that is immediately seen as a woman and, therefore, "free for the taking" and "in their prime" as soon as they get their first period.

While that encounter was scary, it was nowhere near as scary as the men who followed me in their car. Not just because of the fact that they followed me, but also because of a fact that I don't think I mentioned: I was walking one night with a friend, and I am 99% sure that I saw those men that night. 2 grown men, one blonde who smirked and motioned me to come over to him with his index and middle finger. Which were the same mannerisms that the man driving the car that day had. Same beat up van with two shades of blue, same skintone, same hair, and above all, the same odd mannerism of using the index and middle finger to motion to me. It was the same man.

So not only was I terrorized by these men once, but twice, one in which they followed me, but the world was having a pandemic, I lost my friends group, I lost my sense of normalcy, I lost all passion for academics, I lost my passion to write, and above all, I lost my passion to push forward. I wanted to cry that very moment at the kitchen table, but my stepdad and brother were home, and they would have seen it. So I lied to them and told them that I was going to go jogging.

But I had no intention of coming home.

I walked down the block, heading towards the woods where no one would find me for at least a few days. I was going to write a letter, but I figured that if I do that, they will only be more upset. If I leave them simply angry at me, they will miss me a lot less. I walked, paused, and for the first time in a long while.... I bawled my eyes out.

Growing up, I was a very emotional and sensitive girl. But I suppressed my emotions because my father told me that being sensitive would subject me to bullying. So, instead, I would convert my sadness and anger into laughter. No matter what I felt, I would laugh hysterically. But in that moment, I stopped laughing.

I was bunched up on the side of the road and sobbing into my knees. It was a pretty day outside. The sky had some fluffy clouds, the sun was out and warming me up, and the sky was a gorgeous blue, but no amount of sunny weather breeze could blow away my storm clouds. Someone was walking their dog, and I remember wishing they would ask me if I was okay, but the stranger from across the street simply looked at me and walked away.

"Yeah... why am I not surprised?" I thought.

I was so sick of the world. I was sick of how humans treated each other. We would rape, rob, kill, take away someone's mom or dad, son or daughter, brother or sister, best friend or classmate at the drop of a hat and the drop of a bullet just for money or because they were a certain race or religion or gender or sexuality. It made me sick that we were so willing to hurt the planet and animals for our own gain, it made me sick that the same men with daughters of their own would shout obscene things at someone else's daughter. I was sick of the world, I was sick of myself, and how I no longer wanted to be alive and therefore would cause great misfortune to my loved ones, I simply wanted to die. The worst part was that I planned on doing so without leaving a note behind. But in my mind, that would work out for them in the long run. I figured that maybe it would make things easier for them to move on and act like I never existed. Now that I'm older, I know now that you can't just forget someone's existence. Especially if they left such an impact on you. But 14 year old me was convinced that she didn't make an impact on anybody in the world.

Okay, so, if I left the house to do that, why was I crying on the side of the road?

To be honest, I am not 100% sure. Even now, I am not super sure. My guess is that I was scared. I wasn't just scared of the fact that it would hurt, but I was scared of the outcome of my actions. Growing up, I played a lot of choice-dependent games. I distinctly remember Episode two of Life is Strange in which Kate Marsh (a favorite of mine) was on the roof, and what you say to her will determine whether or not she kills herself. I have played it with both endings out of curiosity to watch outcomes play out, and the ending where Kate is dead is by far one of the most depressing tones in the series. From the news reports to Kate's web page to the candles outside of the dorm, it was something that really stuck with me since I was in second grade when I first played the game.

It was because of games such as Life is Strange, that at a very young age, I would constantly think about the consequences of my words and actions. This was why I would often refuse to retaliate when picked on, would actively choose to descalate situations (even if the person was an asshole), and so forth. So, I was thinking about the outcome of killing myself. I have done it plenty of times before, but this time was very different because instead of a "What if I killed myself?" It was a matter of "What will happen once I kill myself?"

I was crying on the side of the road and thinking. I thought about my brothers, first and foremost. I have three brothers, all of whom are younger than me. I have two baby brothers, and one who was about 6 or 7. I was sitting there, thinking, "How do you explain to a child that their big sister will never come home?" I then sat there and thought about my grandparents. I thought, "Grandma and Grandpa could have a heart attack when they find out. Who will take care of them when one dies because I won't be around." I thought about my parents, I thought about my best friend who I knew since kindergarten and would grow to have some sort of romantic relation with. I thought about my older sister, who would have to get a phone call from mom saying her little sister is dead. There were so many people. So many who would have had a situation involving grief. Above all, however, it was my little brothers who stopped me.

I had a plan to kill myself. I have had it for a while, actually. But it was only that day that I decided to almost go through with it. I was in disbelief, but in actuality, I left my house with the intention of never coming home again. That sounds like a suicide plan, does it not? I felt ashamed. I felt like I had hit a low so low that I whipped out my phone, which was dying, put it on battery saver, and called the suicide hotline for the very first time.

Now, just for clarification, there is no harm or shame in calling the suicide hotline. It is there for you to use if you need the help. But as a 14 year old who was still trying to suppress her emotions, I felt ashamed. It was after a few rings that a woman was on the line, and I started crying again. I told her everything, down to my past trauma involving Tommy and early childhood. I was hysterical. I felt so defeated. She heard me and asked for my age. When I told her 14, she seemed stunned for a moment. She was very empathetic. I was unsure as to whether or not there was a time limit, so I said,

"I should go now. But thank you."

And then the lady said something that I still carry with till this day.

"Take care."

Take care. Growing up, I would say that sometimes to be polite. As I got older, I grew nore cynical and would roll my eyes when no one was looking when someone said those words to me because I would think, "Why the hell do you care?" But that day... the lady gave those words a much deeper meaning to me. Now, I always tell people to take care. The same set of words that made me roll my eyes were now the words that I carry with me and hold to a high standard.

Now, you're probably reading this wondering why I made this post. You were scrolling Tumblr, and you came across this post and decided to read it, and now you know a lot about a stranger online. So why did I make this? Some people, especially young people, might be on this blog and are still growing up and learning. I wanted to teach people my age and younger about the fact that despite depression being so isolating, they are not alone. Furthermore, I wanted to teach young people to set boundaries, learn when to back away from someone, to push forward, that they were not the only ones who felt alone or wanted to die and that they are not weird or wrong for having mental issues, that as pathetic as it feels to be unable to do the dishes or get out of bed, it is common for those with depression. I wanted to teach people my age that even years later, the pandemic is still affecting us mentally and that it isn't just them. I wanted to teach people my age lessons to carry with them so that way they can be better equipped for life by sharing my personal experiences.

As for that afterward... Clare (the manipulative girl I mentioned earlier) actually messaged me on Instagram and Discord. She asked me if I wanted to be back in the server or the group chat. In fact, she asked me this three times. Needless to say, she is blocked on all platforms now. It is with this lighthearted note to end a dark writing piece that I will let you off with a few words.

Take care.

#tw suicude #life experiences #talking about myself #talking about feelings #mental health #mental health support #destigmatization #mental illness #street harassment #tw depressing stuff #pandemic #quarantine #2020s

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littlemissidontcare · 1 year

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“Pictures were posted on though your mistaking his god mothers party for Easter and until proof is shown that he was there then he wasn’t there”

You didn’t get what I wasn’t trying to say, let me try rewording it so you’ll get it.

No one thought she was with him on Easter 4/9, then BOOM we got pics of her with him at Easter 4/17 celebrating Greek Easter which was 4/16.

No one though AW was with Seb for that ABH party, then BOOM AS posts a pic in that Romanian antenna3cnn article with her & Seb pictured in June.

No one thinks he was with her at this recent party, but wait & we will probably see pics eventually.

Anastasia is family, why would she invite Annabelle there without Seb? Just because you don’t want him to be there, doesn’t mean he wasn’t. Those two have been more glued at the hip than him & Ale were, they just keep it behind closed doors & don’t like to flaunt in front of cameras like Ale wanted to.

I don’t like AW but I’m not gonna be stupid about the fact they’re together & that he was most likely there.

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tyonfs · 2 years

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besties (gone sexual) was so good!!!!! i wasn’t expecting it to be as huge as it was (literally fell asleep at 4:30 am last night trying to finish it but i still had like a third left 😭) but it was soooo worth it!!! it also didn’t feel like it was that huge tho??? a lot of stuff happened but you did so good at explaining and why. even the 3 times jaemin got puked on, that was some beautiful karmic timing imo. speaking of karma i think the amount of bad luck jaemin has to suffer was such a good way to keep him redeemable despite sometimes an absolute douchebag. a lovable douchebag tho. the amount of times i cackled in this fic tho!!! obviously the other installments of bitch hunters werr humorous too, but the addition of jisung, sungchan, yangyang, and hendery coming it to occasionally dunk on jaemin, too, when he deserves it was just *chef’s kiss*. i also think the length is justified because their situation is more complicated and nuanced than jeno and renjun who were just getting to know new people, and even hyuck who was making his situation complicated himself. jaemin and oc have so much history between them, literal years of friendship and complicated feelings. it’s kinda obvious by the end that the reason for jaemin douchebagginess to a lot of those girls was because he was so in love with oc and refusing to even consider that as possibility so he just rejects the idea of a relationship because also being with someone else seems impossible. ngl i did choke up a little when he makes the conclusion that in order to let his best friend try to be in a happy relationship, he has to extract himself from the equation because he wouldn’t be able to even be her friend in that circumstance. he didn’t have to make her cry tho!! but as someone who can also be a little emotionally constipated i understand that line of thinking. needless to say i really enjoyed this fic. i previously said and they were roommates was my favorite installment was my favorite but ngl, besties gone sexual might be giving it run for its money 👀 i’m always going to have a weak spot for long-time-best-friends-turned-friends-with-benefits-turned-lovers. i’m also feeling so nostalgic now that the series is over!! i’m gonna miss the bitch hunters universe, there’s so much stuff i’m curious about, especially the og bitch hunters because these four made them sound almost…mythical. and then there’s mark. love how jaehyun just came in to give jaemin a rewording of the centuries old saying of “it’s meant to be it will come back to you eventually” and jaemin acted like it was the greatest revelation ever simply because it came from him. anyways, whew, this turned out longer than i intended it to but i just have so many thoughts. also it fitting for such a long story. anyways, i’m done. this was such treat to read as always. i hope you’re having a lovely day, take care!!! 😘💗

OMG IM SORRY IT KEPT YOU UP THAT LONG 😭😭 PLS READ IT IN BREAKS I DONT WANNA RUIN UR SLEEP 🤲 wait lemme put the rest of my response under the cut it’s a bit long 😵‍💫

ppl say my writing doesn’t feel like a lot, which i think is a good thing?? so maybe that’s why HAHHA but i promise it was 43k words i’m not capping 😰 LMAODJF jaemin truly deserved to be puked on 😭 especially when he started drinking after renjun was seeing god on the couch 🧎‍♀️

ahh yesyes i think so too!! i think they needed a bit more development to figure out their problems and situations, unlike jeno and renjun who were meeting their love interests for the first time 🥹 and then hyuck’s dilemma was more of an internal thing that he had to get over himself, but jaemin’s situation was a lot more messy and tangled. i’m rlly glad you liked the additions of other characters tho!! i love writing jisung tbh so i thought he would be funny to include HAHAH and his dynamic with jaemin is kinda wholesome in my eyes :’)

HONESTLY i’m a little emotionally constipated so there might have been some projection in this fic!! it’s true he definitely had (kinda??) good intentions for distancing himself from mc, but he went about it the wronggg way and made her cry 😭 LIKE BOOOOOO 👎👎🍅🍅🍅

WOWOW that actually makes me so happy to hear that besties (gone sexual) might be your fav in the series :’) hyuck’s installment and jaemin’s are definitely my fav and i’m just a sucker for best friends to lovers 🤧 it’s such a sweet trope but can segway into a lot of misunderstandings and angst HAHAH

HAHAHAH THEY WORSHIP THE OGS 🥲 “these four made them sound almost… mythical. and then there’s mark” I CACKLED LMFAOO yeah mark was NOT part of the og squad so he doesn’t get the legendary pokémon type treatment 😭🤚 it’s a good thing renjun didn’t witness that conversation or else he would’ve beaten jaemin up after for ignoring him the entire time until jaehyun parroted his words LOL

but thank you love for taking the time to write all of this and send it to me!!! it makes me so happy that you had so much to share about my fic and it literally had me rereading with a huge smile on my face :’)) i hope you’re having a wonderful day/night and taking care 💜💜

#asks #anon #fic: besties (gone sexual)

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hillarysss · 4 years

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How The Moon Signs Act After Opening Up

Do not repost, plagiarize, “reword.”

Aries Moon: I don’t think I’ve ever met an Aries moon that opened up. They most likely will not want you to talk about it ever again. If you brought it up again they will most likely stare at you very intensely. At first they may deny they’ve gone through traumatic experiences but then once you get real real real close you’ll know. But they don’t want your sympathy be fun and real with them.

Leo Moon: I have a lot of experience with this one. A Leo moon might open up unexpectedly or during a deep talk. They will tell you everything and how it has affected them and yes they’re going to want your sympathy. However, this is only when you’re very close to one. After a Leo Moon is extremely comfortable with you you’ll know their life story most likely and they will be great loyal friends. As long as you don’t treat them any different after you have a friend that will open up.

Sagittarius Moon: Oh boy is this one a trouble.. If you got this one to open up to you then you deserve a cash reward. Even if they do open up you might not even be getting the whole story. If I’m being honest sagittarius moons actually victimize themselves a lot when it comes to expressing to other people. They could literally be the bad guy and they’ll find a way to make it seem like they weren’t. If a Sagittarius moon opens up to you they will be a little clingy then they’ll go ghost on you. Sagittarius Moons go through a lot but never say a thing. How to know if they’re going through it is their silence. (Assuming you’re close and they actually liked you cause they loose interest fast lol)

Libra Moon: Libra moons are a little hard as well. They don’t open up much just by themselves but if you were to open up to them they’ll find a way on how they relate and tell you what they’ve gone through as well and help you. They won’t iniate it but they’ll definietly open up if they see you did and they trust you. They’ll make you feel so much better. I like Libra Moons for doing that. Try not acting like your struggles are worse though.

Aquarius Moon: Well, never is the answer. Let’s move on to gemini moon- I’m just kidding, if an Aquarius Moon opens up to you just know they are never leaving your ass. Similar to Sagittarius Moon it will take them a shit ton of a while and you might not even get the full story but eventually they will tell you and they’ll feel very releived. They’re quite understanding as well of your own issues.

Gemini Moon: LOL. LMAO. Well, Gemini moons are extremely unpredictable. There is so many ways I can list right now. A common one is they’ll just drop the bomb in the middle of a conversation and leaving the person like “what tf” and they’ll move on like nothing happened. Gemini moons do tend to move on quicker from traumas so if they tell you it like that so casually its because they’re most likely over it. However, Gemini moons can be quite clingy after opening up to you. Since they don’t do it often at all. You will see their moody side of them. At times the other person might feel like a babysitter. But to the contrary, some gemini moons open up too quickly and leave the other person feeling speechless. Can go both ways.

Cancer Moon: Contrary to the stereotype cancer moons aren’t just gonna be crying about it 24/7, actually cancer moons are quite really secretive. It’s like you thought you knew them but hell no you didn’t. They won’t open up to you unless they feel safe with you and that you won’t use it agaisn’t them. They don’t wanna feel vulnerable. It’s the crab, it’ll take them about a year.. Just kidding.. Maybe not? They do take a while and once you know what they’ve gone through they’ll treat you like family.

Pisces Moon: I have barely any experience with a Pisces moon but I have heard stories. They definietly can’t get over the past and are prone to PTSD. They’ll open up to you and most likely will want to be pampered 24/7. They will constantly feel like you’re gonna leave them after they tell you what they’ve gone through. This causes a bunch of worries for them. It takes only a little bit. Time doesn’t matter much with them, just how much they love you.

Scorpio Moon: With this one, a decent amount of time. Most scorpio moons I’ve met do tend to open up after they realize they really like you. They’re very sympathetic. But they’ll most likely say after “It’s not a big deal”. Since they don’t wanna be seen as less. A decent amount of time. It depends on how much they love you like a pisces moon.

Virgo Moon: Their whole humor is based on what they’ve gone through lol. A virgo moon will express more anger than sadness when opening up to you about what has happened to them and they will most likely take it as a time to tell you to be careful and to teach you lessons. Less on wanted to be understood they’d most likely wanna teach you. They kind of just rant.

Capricorn Moon: A little similar like a Virgo moon they’ll use it as a lesson for you. Maybe when they realize you might do something that they have seen the outcome of before they will tell you their experience and stuff. It’s not easy for them to open up but when they see a chance that it’ll help you they’ll tell you. But only if you also open up. Will take them a good amount of time.

Taurus Moon: They’re cool with their emotions. To be honest I don’t know much about Taurus moon except it’s good for the moon to be there. They like when you open up to them and they’ll make you feel a lot better. But they won’t open up quickly either. A Taurus moon will open up to you if they see you as a long-term person with commitment.

#astrology observations #astrology #taurus moon #aries moon #sagittarius moon #leo moon #virgo moon #capricorn moon #libra moon #gemini moon #aquarius moon #pisces moon #cancer moon #scorpio moon #astro tips #astroworld #astro notes #zodiacs #moon signs

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annie-mit-ie · 3 years

Text

Glimpses: Part 8 (Kathryn Hahn x Fem!Reader)

Part 1 // previous chapter <<< >>> next chapter

Summary: Babysteps are taken.

Word Count: 1,8k

A/N: Hey y’all! I am really sorry it took me a while to get to this but tbh life hasn't been the easiest since I’ve last posted. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, even though it turned out completely different than I had anticipated. Definitely plan to throw another chapter your way this week. We’ll see :)

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Her soft lips move against yours as Kathryn’s hand finds her way into your hair. She pulls you closer and it seems like she wants to deepen the kiss, but before she gets any chance to do so, you break the contact.

“Kathryn…“, both of you are panting and you have to hold on to her upper thigh to steady yourself. You take in a deep breath as she looks at you with widened eyes, while a worried look is creeping onto her face. She immediately lets go of your neck. Still panting, she tries to form words.

“Sweetheart, I… I am so sorry! I… Oh my god!“ Her eyes widen and she removes herself completely from you and puts a few more inches in between the two of you. “Is this…? Did we…? Are you okay?“

You nod, slowly, because you need time to process. What struck you and made you speechless wasn’t the fact that she kissed you in the first place, no, you are absolutely confused by her harsh reaction to the occurring situation. You look at her, eyes wide open, as she is sitting way too far away from you and looks at you like something horrible has happened.

“Kathryn, hey, I AM okay. Very much so, stop worrying. All is good!“ You take her hand in yours. “I… I loved this. This is everything I have ever dreamed of…“ “But?…“, she impatiently interrupts you and you give her the look that a mother gives her children when they repeatedly reach for a toy they are not allowed to have.

“But… This is not how I want this to go. Let me take you out on a date or something? Let’s go eat somewhere or read or talk or just sit… But not in the back of a car in the middle of the night as we are both very much not sober, hm?“ She nods and the hiccup, that escapes her throat right after you take her hand into yours again, just tells you that you’re right.

The rest of the ride is calm and quiet as Kathryn clearly is tired and overwhelmed with all the love she has gotten all night. You opt to just sit with her in silence, noticing how her body slowly falls against yours until her head lands on her shoulder. She is asleep.

You move a strand of hair behind her ear - prompting a small smile to form on her lips and it makes you feel proud that you did the grown up thing and resisted the urge to take a step further, the urge to see how far she would go, not that you could sneakily slip your hand anywhere anyway, considering she was still wearing that one-piece that was hugging her in all the right places.

Shaking your head to get rid of the thoughts that are flooding your tipsy brain right now, you realize you’ve reached your neighborhood right as the car slows down on the side walk. Peter opens the window to look at you “Do you want me to take you directly to your house or do you want to walk the rest of the way?“

You really appreciate how considerate he is, but you have to tell your mom eventually anyway, so you opt for the safer option. “Take me directly home, please.“ He nods and his eyes wander to Kathryn, who is still asleep on your shoulder. “You’re good for her, I hope you know that.“, Peter says before closing the window again.

“YOU DID WHAT?“ You haven’t seen your best friend enraged like that ever before. “YOUR./NAME… YOU DID WHAT NOW?

Telling her that you were the one who broke off a kiss with Kathryn was probably not your smartest idea in a while. When you got home last night, you went straight to bed, but texted Alex that you were gonna call her as soon as you woke up to give her all the tea.

“I… I broke the kiss?“ You repeat and look at her, scared she will yell at you again.

“Honey! How??? Why? This could’ve very well been a one in a lifetime chance!“ She is not mad or anything, more shocked because she knows how much you’ve wanted this.

You look at her and both of you become serious for a moment. “It wasn’t right. We had too much to drink. I know she wanted it. We’ve had moments before, but… I just didn’t feel right, Alex. I don't know how to explain. Don’t get me wrong, I was into it, very much so, but I want the real deal. Not a car fling, you know?“ “You really are the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I hope she knows how fortunate she is to know someone as respectful as you.“ It still felt unusual to talk about Kathryn that way. Even to your best friend. Even though you know you share everything with Alex that is there to share. Kathryn was Kathryn and you were… just you. But somehow, when the two of you are together, that doesn't matter at all. You don’t think about who she is when you are with Kathryn.

Right as you think about her, your phone lights up and you receive a message.

„Sweetheart, I really enjoyed having you around last night! Can’t wait to do it again. Packed week ahead, sadly, but would like to invite you to my garden again by the end of it? xxx K.“

For a moment, you smile and already want to text back, but you had read the message out to Alex as well and she doesn’t want you to text back just yet. “Can’t wait to do it again?“, she says. “Like as in the kiss or as in the night, well I mean the day, in general? DUDE. That’s huge!“ You hadn’t thought about it that way. Alex was wild sometimes. She would come up with things that you haven’t considered yet, but not always in a good way. Sometimes, she drops knowledge on you until your anxiety kicks in and she doesn’t even notice. Not this time, though.

This time, Alex’ remark only makes your chest swell with pride because, either way, it was a huge compliment. You let Kathryn know that you feel the same and you would love to visit her again.

The following week seems to be endless but somehow you make your way through it, especially with a Q&A that was announced Sunday night and would happen today. Kathryn is booked to watch an episode of her latest show Wandavision with some cast members on something like Zoom, where they can be seen by fans around the globe to promote upcoming shows and increase streams.

She had texted you a selfie earlier, and captioned it with how she was missing your compliments while getting ready, with a wink, of course, and you that made you even more excited to see her later.

The event itself is cute, hundreds of fans are online and even though you can’t see the other fans, you all can feel the unity and love towards the cast. You’re sitting on your desk, laptop propped up in front of you with the stream, while you are FaceTiming Alex who stayed awake for the event like she always does.

“Kathryn is just soooo beautiful tonight.“ Alex swoons, as you watch her staring at the stream. Kathryn does look great. Her blue eyes are highlighted by the blue button up shirt she is wearing and her hair is loosely hanging down one side. Ben really outdid himself with tonight’s look. She smiles at something Lizzie says and they both laugh as they watch the scene where Agatha and Wanda are in the kitchen together.

“Many mouths make good gossip.“ Alex laughs and you can see Kathryn grin in the corner of your eyes as you look at her best friend. “Have you told her she looks beautiful yet?“

It was a logical question. Shooting her a message would be so easy and yet, you haven’t thought of it yet. You shake your head.

“Gurl! Take your phone and text her, NOW! Let’s gooooooo.“ She was right. You had the perfect chance right there and you were sure Kathryn would not be looking at her phone anytime soon. Most likely, she would only see your message after the event, so you decide to go for it after all.

“Looking really good tonight, Ms Hahn. ;)“ you finally type. It took you a couple tries and you reworded the message several times, trying to figure out what tone would fit best. After deleting the previous ideas, you just want to not send anything at all, but as you reread your final words , you feel satisfaction and that makes you decide to shoot your shot after all.

Ales notices our internal struggle “Y/N! Send that freaking message NOW.“ You know she would take your phone and just press send if she was with you and you want this friendship to feel a little less distant tonight, so you immediately press send.

Immediately, the both of you keep your eyes on the stream to not miss any possible reactions and you were wrong. Kathryn actually does have her phone with her and you can tell she notices a message because she looses attention for a second and looks to her left.

You can tell she rethinks if she should pick up her phone or not, but before you can worry about the whole situation more, she reaches out for her phone and reads. The smile on her face is telling. She tries to tone the smile down but it still creeps onto her face on one side. You’re not sure, but you would also say that there is a little blush around her nose that you think is adorable and makes a warm feeling bubble up in your body. OH NO.

Shortly, she looks directly at the camera with the softest smile, before putting the phone back aside and giving her attention back to the cast and episode.

“JACKPOT!“ Alex celebrates an early win. „She loved it! See! Aaaaargh, I am SO GOOD AT THIS.“

You roll your eyes. “You have a wife, honey, OBVIOUSLY you are.“

And while the two of you laugh about your antics and virtually high five because messaging Kathryn was a success, the other fans on twitter are already freaking out about the mysterious message Kathryn has gotten and who it might've been from.

#Kathryn hahn #kathryn hahn x reader #Kathryn Hahn fan fiction #kathryn hahn x you #groupie #groupie au

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shatouto · 4 years

Text

another sequel to @obiwanobi's ex-sith anakin au (here and here), and at this rate… yea. yea we’re gonna have to archive this on ao3 (soon)

anyway here’s 2.8k words of tonal inconsistency

et si les étoiles sont cachées

Obi-Wan barely sleeps a wink through the night. His mind turns and whirls as he battles between second-guessing his decisions regarding the former Sith sleeping in his bed and planning on what to do going forward. Anakin knows how to cloak his own signature well enough, that much Obi-Wan can observe, but he will not stand a chance if Masters such as Yoda or Windu search his presence. And then there is the matter of the elusive Darth Sidious’ death, as well - Obi-Wan can only assume that it would be classified information on the Confederacy side, but even then, the Force only knows what kind of hell would break loose once his body is discovered. It doesn’t help that he could barely pull his hand out of Anakin’s without him frowning in his sleep and stirring. He simply has to stay put, with Anakin’s very likely feverish body pressed up against his side in a bed that is only snugly enough for two.

In meditating all of those scenarios, he forgets to account for the hell that breaks loose in his own quarters upon the return of his apprentice.

“Master, what were you thinking?” Ahsoka hisses, eyes darting from him to the closed door of his bedroom, from where the sound of Anakin’s pacing is obvious. Her hand is still clutching one of her lightsabers, alert.

“He was an injured man who crawled to my doorstep for aid, young one.” Obi-Wan sighs. “Surely you cannot expect me to simply turn my back to him, can you? That wouldn’t be the Jedi way.”

“Yes, but…” Ahsoka pinches her own forehead, shoulders dropping in a harsh exhale. “He’s a Sith lord, Master. We’ve all seen what he has done and can do!”

“He was a Sith, Ahsoka. Leading him back to the Light means one less darksider for the galaxy, and no more lives lost. I have always been trying to accomplish this.” Obi-Wan realizes, all of a sudden, that he is trying to convince himself rather than his apprentice. “He came in a moment of need, with nowhere else to go. He no longer wants to remain with the Dark.”

Ahsoka blinks. “And you just trust him? Just like that?”

Well, Obi-Wan wants to say, you didn’t see him on his knees in the hallway with blood covering half his body and bruises the other half; and you didn’t see him hang his head as you took his lightsaber and then his ruined arm off before setting him to bed. Then again, nobody would ever see that: the exact devastation and distress the once-Darth Vader was in last night, at his door. “That is the case, Ahsoka. I would like to trust him, for the time being.”

Ahsoka grumbles something about tried to kill me earlier, didn’t you see that? which of course inspires a twinge of guilt in Obi-Wan - because indeed, this borders on being a foolhardy venture, that his Padawan is dragged into solely by virtue of her sharing quarters with him. She shakes her head and speaks clearly again for him to hear. “...Fine, I get it. Where do you even plan to house him, Master?”

Obi-Wan pauses. He has had plenty of time in the night to consider this, and still he cannot find any better solution than the one he is about to suggest. “I suppose there is no place safer than here.”

“Here? You mean as in, your own quarters, in the Jedi Temple?” Ahsoka stresses on the last few words, incredulous.

Something crashes inside his room, followed by Anakin’s muffled curse. Obi-Wan looks his apprentice dead in the eye as he lets out a sigh, and says, “Yes.”

—

Anakin is strangely good at cooking.

Obi-Wan supposes he shouldn’t have presumed; after all, being a Sith apprentice should probably not interfere with the more mundane aspects of life. But not only is Anakin’s cooking distinctly above average (how did he learn enough skills to make a three-course meal out of the few basic ingredients in Obi-Wan’s pantry, and at what cost?), he also seems to undertake the task with zeal. It’s rather endearing to watch him shuffle around the kitchenette in warm beige pants that barely reach his ankles, and a left sleeve that doesn't need to be rolled up because it's already too short for his long arm.

It’s been less than a week since Anakin first comes to his door. He clearly doesn't like Ahsoka, but with one arm and no lightsaber and Obi-Wan firmly telling him to behave, he eventually, and clearly grudgingly, tolerates her presence, from time to time. The gleam in his eyes is still worrying, from time to time, but the most Anakin does nowadays when Ahsoka passes by is turn his back to her. He seems to be trying his best, which is why Obi-Wan feels immensely guilty for having to preface their meal with a rather somber question.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan says, as Anakin sets down before him a plate of steak that smells nearly the same as that one luxurious dish he once had while in disguise as a socialite at a prestigious fine dining party. It isn’t the materiality that is distracting, but the efforts that must have gone into it. “I would like to ask you a question.”

Anakin sits down opposite of him, balancing himself. Even with the Force, he’s unused to not having a weight elbow-down on his right hand. “What? Leftover is in the kitchen for your apprentice. If she wants it.” His voice still sharpens at your apprentice, defensive. “I didn’t mean to let her starve.”

Obi-Wan is torn between a smile and a grimace. “No, that isn’t my question, Anakin. I’ve been wondering if you knew of your allies’ plans.”

“What kind of plans?” Anakin’s eyes narrow, warily. “It depends. Dooku knew most. I just did battlefield strategy.”

“You don’t happen to know if there has been recent plans to assassinate the Supreme Chancellor, do you?” It has been on Obi-Wan’s mind ever since he was summoned to an urgent Council meeting days ago. Investigative teams reported that the Supreme Chancellor has gone missing; then midway through the meeting, another report came, and so they ended up discussing how to keep peace while the Senate would break the staggering news of the Supreme Chancellor’s death to the entire galaxy and organize an emergency election. The timing fit too well with Anakin’s arrival, and he doesn’t know what to make of it.

“Oh, there’s never any.” Anakin shrugs, tension melting out of his shoulder. He begins to cut into his steak without a care.

Obi-Wan frowns. There has been plenty of attempted assassinations before, as well as kidnapping - he himself has been sent to protect the Chancellor on many occasions. He’s loath to contradict Anakin, though, so he asks, carefully: “And you are sure?”

“I’m sure,” Anakin says, swallowing a mouthful. “My mas—Darth Sidious, is Palpatine.”

It takes Obi-Wan a stunned moment, while Anakin just continues to eat.

Well, the Council had their suspicions, but it was never so direct. Some have speculated, very privately, that the Chancellor might be linked to a darksider in some way. Perhaps somebody who is in opposition to Count Dooku, another Master has raised. But for the Chancellor *himself* to be this elusive, mysterious Darth Sidious, seems downright unfathomable.

“You…” Obi-Wan pauses, rewording the sentence in his mind for the seventh time. “I would like you to be serious, Anakin. That was not a joke, was it?”

Anakin, unsmiling, turns his eyes up to him with a look of confusion as if saying What’s a joke? “Darth Sidious is Palpatine,” he repeats. “I’m not allowed—I was not allowed to call him that, though.”

Obi-Wan takes a deep breath. The timing does line up far too well. “Anakin, that means you have... disposed of the Supreme Chancellor.”

Anakin scoffs, scrunches up his nose, and shrugs again. “If you put it that way,” he mutters, slouching down even lower as he pointedly eats his food.

Obi-Wan opens his mouth, then closes it again. He sighs at the ceiling, and picks up his fork and knife. Might as well enjoy a good meal before the migraine sets in.

—

To his own amazement, Obi-Wan is getting used to the way Anakin follows him around like a hatchling, whenever he is home.

During the first few days, it took Obi-Wan a considerable amount of patient explanation to convince Anakin not to sit on the floor at the foot of the door frame until he came back. His reasons ranged from “It’s rather undignified for you” (to which Anakin said, “I’ve done worse,” at which point Obi-Wan had to switch subjects immediately, putting a pin in it for future unpacking), to “You might catch a cold, sitting here for so long” (to which Anakin answered, “It’ll go away on its own,” which prompted Obi-Wan to check his temperature immediately, only to realize that Anakin had been cloaking his fever for at least a day, and - well, that was another pin on the board). In the end, it was only the allowance for him to use the kitchenette that kept the former Sith from waiting at the door like a hound, rather busying himself at the stove instead. It was a great decision through and through, considering how much Anakin improved the quality of their meals.

But otherwise, Anakin still makes no secret of his immediate attachment to him. Perhaps there should be no surprise in that, considering the sort of upbringing he must have suffered through; not that Obi-Wan knows much of it anyway, considering how quiet Anakin remains and how reluctant he himself is to ask personal questions. Nevertheless, from the way Anakin acted - finding his way into the Jedi Temple and declaring his trust to a sworn enemy rather than relying on his own Sith allies - it isn’t hard to infer that this man has had precious little reason to put his trust into anybody in his surroundings. It also aligns with the Sith ways, Obi-Wan speculates - and could only dare speculate, because truth be told he does not know all that much of the Sith outside of his research on ancient texts. Contemporary Sith are few. The Master might just make his own rules, and Darth Sidious - the Supreme Chancellor, Force have mercy - seemed like the type to play cruel games. So he has every reason to understand and empathize. And he truly does extend his most heartfelt compassion to this wayward Force-wielder.

That doesn’t make it any easier to deal with Anakin’s irritability whenever Obi-Wan comes back from a mission.

He’s clearly unhappy about Obi-Wan being away, especially if he discovers that the mission has been with Ahsoka. He only grows more upset and quick-tempered as time goes by; it begins with him upturning the decorative datapad shelves in the living room, escalating to a series of broken glasses and plates in the kitchenette; finally one day Obi-Wan comes back home to knives lodged in the wall, Anakin in the midst of pulling them out.

Anakin has the decency to look sheepish, even just slightly, as he silently puts away all the knives and hides himself in the kitchen completely. He cleans up, at least. In fact, he was almost always in the middle of cleaning up when Obi-Wan caught him in the act, which prompts the question: How many other times has he done this while left alone?

Obi-Wan only sighs. It does border on cruelty to keep somebody alone in these cramped quarters for weeks on end. He also knows that whatever measures he has set up to keep Anakin safe here - from the world, and from Anakin himself, - it would be a fatal oversight to underestimate the ability of a former Sith. He has no doubts that Anakin, even while one-handed and saber-less, could escape if he truly wanted to. The fact that Anakin willingly keeps himself stowed away in a Jedi’s quarters while desperately and entertaining himself through destructive means only to then be embarrassed about it… is a testament to some budding virtue, Obi-Wan supposes. And it only intensifies his guilt: it’s as if he’s taking advantage of Anakin’s trust to confine him to solitude, while he himself pushes back and back the kind of work a true mentor would need to engage in to help Anakin. The fact that he is fighting a war, or whatever is left of it, is no excuse.

It is with resolution that he stands up and heads into the kitchen. Their eyes meet as soon as he steps in; clearly enough, Anakin has been watching him. Anakin’s fingers grip the counter, knuckles blanched. Obi-Wan holds up his hands, moving as slowly and unpredictably as possible, and cuts to the chase.

“I was wondering if you’d like to go outside, Anakin.”

Anakin’s brows shoot up, but he still doesn’t unclench his jaws.

“I believe it’s rather unfair to keep you locked inside,” Obi-Wan explains. “After all, cooking can only do so much to spend all of one’s pent up energy.” He gives a small, gentle smile, inwardly anxious because of the way Anakin still looks at him with his guards up, shoulders squared, halfway between fight and flight. “I am not suggesting anything much, Anakin. Only a walk in the park, if it suits you. The decision is up to you.”

A moment or two passes in thick, awkward silence. Then Anakin, hesitantly: “Will you be there?”

It’s the first pleasant surprise Obi-Wan has had in what felt like an age. His smile grows, unbidden. “Yes, I insist.”

—

Autumn winds reel through his hair before rushing off to rustle in the foliage. The nightly air is crisp on his cheeks, and Obi-Wan doesn’t even think to tighten his robes around him; he enjoys a nice, chilly evening. Silence is alleviated by the song of insects in the grass, as they make their way down the serpentine path, round fountains and beds of flowers. Their robes flutter, and their hands are firmly linked.

It’s nothing that cannot be explained by strict necessity, or so Obi-Wan reasons: He must be able to make sure Anakin never strays from his sight, for safety reasons; and he dislikes the thought of putting any kind of binding or chains or even just a simple tied thread on Anakin. As usual, when all else fails, undertaking by hand is the solution - hence Anakin’s hand in his own, their palms warmly interfacing, their calluses fitting together.

The contact is also enjoyable, but that’s beside the point.

“I like the sky at night,” Anakin says, sudden but quiet. Obi-Wan glances at him to find Anakin not looking back at him for once. Anakin’s hood has long since slipped off because of the way he tips his head back to turn his eyes to the stars. Most of them are shrouded by gathering clouds, but some of them still shine through the dark.

“I see,” Obi-Wan muses. “May I ask why?”

For once, Anakin doesn’t hesitate to answer. “I like to look at the stars. They’re just suns, but far away. Can’t burn you, only blink at you.” Anakin’s hand tightens just a little. A patch of wildflowers gently glows when the two of them pass by. “When you blink back at them, you’re not alone.”

“And what if the stars are hidden?” Obi-Wan gestures, voice light, even as his heart sinks. He knows a lonely child, or one who used to be a lonely child, when he sees one. “What do you do then?”

The sigh that follows is lost in a gust of wind. There’s only the slightest of tremors in Anakin’s fingertips. They fall back into silence, deeper silence this time, as even the insects seem to quiet. The air feels earthy and damp with a coming rain. The sky blackens as clouds roil and thicken, and suddenly it’s dark as pitch and the comfortable coolness splinters into shivers under his skin. When the first drop falls, Obi-Wan reaches over to draw up Anakin’s hood for him. Anakin turns to him, eyes downcast.

“Then I’m alone,” he answers, belated and small.

—

“Maybe you’re right, Master.” Ahsoka picks up her steaming mug of tea, sinking comfortably into her amply cushioned seat on the couch. A strip of morning sunlight draws lazily across the room. “Whatever you’re doing, it’s working. He’s getting... nicer, lately. You should keep walking him.”

Obi-Wan chuckles at the turn of phrase. Walking him… “I don’t think it’s my doing,” he says, pouring a little more tea for himself. Anakin shuffles from one corner of the kitchenette to another, apron strings fluttering behind him. Obi-Wan shakes his head and takes a sip of tea, smiling. “I don’t think it’s my doing at all.”

#obikin #anakin skywalker #obi-wan kenobi #obi wan kenobi #ahsoka tano #star wars prequels #the clone wars #raised as sith anakin #i really did hijack clem’s au #sorry for pinging you again!#why is this so reminiscent of le petit prince all of a sudden #will that story ever stop haunting me? (no)#all aboard the woobify train yay

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